#i need something to happen in dennis idk what but i do

[matan4il]

Buddie 613 meta

We now know that the man who risked himself to get Buck out of the line of fire during the shooting arc is Jeshan, which means ‘clear’ (if you’re interested, you can find more name meanings for 911 characters here). So let me just giggle for a second about the fact that 911 had once again reunited Buddie with a character who can be referred to as Captain Clear Me(h)ta. Coincidence? IDK. But I have to admit, it kinda made me reflect back and feel nostalgic. When I first started watching the show, I had no intention of writing meta for 911, but after going ballistic when 309 aired, I knew I would HAVE to use the s3 hiatus to write down all my thoughts about everything Buddie related so far. That’s what I did, I wrote and shared my baby, my first round of Buddie meta. That’s where it was supposed to end, but then people asked and encouraged me to write meta for the eps in 3b as they would air, too. I figured I could try, and that’s how my Buddie weekly meta posts were born. At the time, there was no one else writing proper weekly meta (I don’t mean a summary/review of the ep, or meta posts that stand on their own, but proper analysis on Buck, Eddie and those who matter to them, organized and serialized for each ep as it aired). And now, I’ve been writing them for almost 3.5 seasons. And I feel like they’ve inspired others to do the same. TBH, I can’t actually remember seeing weekly meta posts in other fandoms (maybe they exist and I just haven’t come across them, IDK). So I got all emotional, thinking about how these posts may be love notes to Buddie and the show, but most of all they’re a love letter to the wonderful people who have been supportive and encouraging, who’ve been reblogging the posts, who’ve been commenting on them and telling me that what I do makes a difference for them. Thank you so much, these posts wouldn’t exist without you. You have a much bigger impact on the fandom than you might have realized! So if Captain Mehta is indeed a nod to the meta, it’s a loving, appreciative nod that belongs to all of you. ~~

When Chim shows up to escort Hen to work, he ends up sitting down for a talk with Denny instead, and I really enjoyed this scene, it was lovely, but it also once again emphasized the difference between the firefam kids’ relationship with their parents’ colleagues and the r/s Buck and Chris have. Chim talks to Hen’s son when he happens to come across the kid, but he only sits down for a proper conversation because Denny implies Hen and Karen are up to something intimate, and Chim shouldn’t interrupt them just yet. Consider how different that is to how Buck intentionally looks to spend time with and dedicated to Chris! And then Chim is impressed by how smart Denny is. It’s cute, but it also reveals just how little they interact that this comes as a surprise to Chim. It’s so different to the intimate familiarity of a parent, which is what we know Buck has with Chris (and that Chris has with Buck, which can even be seen in the kid’s teasing, for example regarding the snoring in 414). ~~

You might have seen that, when the promo came out, I momentarily lost my sanity and posted this. I just couldn’t get over the fact that they actually had Eddie correct the chief on the duration of Buck’s death. It was such a spouse thing to do. It was a declaration about the anguish that each single second represented, when Eddie couldn’t breathe because Buck wasn’t. It was a confession of sorts, on how Eddie felt as he desperately NEEDED his husband to live (I’m not even joking when I ascribe him this title, Eddie said with his whole chest, “THAT IS MY IDIOT HUSBAND THAT I HAD TO WATCH DIE FOR THREE MINUTES AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS AND I WILL NEVER FORGET ANY OF THOSE SECONDS, NOR LET ANYONE ELSE DO THAT”). It was a glimpse into how time must have moved differently for him as each second etched itself forever into Eddie’s mind. And yes, it’s a clear parallel to 413, when we witness time slowing down for Eddie. And I mentioned in my post that in both scenarios, Buck is just out of his reach, so close, but simply not close enough. In one case, this forced Eddie to believe he must now accept his own death. In the other, he couldn’t accept the possibility that Buck would die, so he just fought harder, and if he couldn’t save Buck with one course of action, he tried another, Eddie just had to keep going, 'coz the idea of those three minutes and seventeen seconds turning into an eternity? Unacceptable. ~~

But notice in my unhinged post from that day, I used the word ‘counting.’ Eddie counted the seconds, and this is revealed to us at a poker game where Buck is counting the cards. I already noticed that when we saw the promo, but this connection was reinforced in the ep itself when Chief Williams vocalized what Buck was doing. The thing about counting is that it’s reserved for what matters, what’s crucial. Buck is counting the cards in order to win, and he wants to win because it matters to Eddie. Buck wasn’t the one who initiated the search for a poker game where he could use his newfound skills, Eddie was the one to take that initiative. And he could bring Buck along without telling him where they’re going (I would normally scream for a whole separate paragraph just about Eddie telling Buck to dress nice and there being no need for any further explanation or prompting, but we were so well fed, I’ll have to scream about it into my fist for just one sentence) 'coz Eddie was so sure his husband would go along with whatever crazy scheme he’d come up with. And he was right, even though Buck didn’t think it would end well, he still went along with what his husband wanted. Please let me reiterate: Buck’s counting cards because Eddie is so important to him, and Eddie was counting the seconds because Buck’s his vital sign. ~~

Another thing to keep in mind about the poker game is that the only other time we’ve seen Buck playing poker was in 312. In that ep, Eddie was off to meet Christopher’s school teachers (leading to his eventual lackluster r/s with Ana), so having a free evening, Buck spends it with Maddie, Chim and Josh (and is told he unequivocally sucks at Poker). Jokes were made about setting Josh and Buck up, and it was implied whatever Buck’s sexuality was, that was not the reason why Maddie abstained from making the match. What I find interesting is seeing how far our boys have come! In that ep, they were operating separately, and it led them down the wrong paths.

In this ep, Buck and Eddie were inseparable both as a couple (even sharing the winnings from Buck’s new talent, because what don’t these two share? And I was particularly chewing glass when Chief Williams asks Buck how he wanted HIS winnings, but instead of answering her, he looks at his husband. THEY ARE SO FREAKING MARRIED), and as a family unit with Chris (which is maybe a good moment to point out that all of the romantic couples were paired off in 613, and so were Buddie! Now, one could argue that Buck and Eddie were paired off because, well... who else is left for them to hang out with? But 312 is a reminder that when the show wants to, it can push the main cast and minor characters into the same orbit, so it still didn’t HAVE to pair Buck and Eddie off here. It chose to. On top of that, by showing them with Chris as well, 911 reminded us they’re far more bonded than just two best bros hanging out together ‘coz none of their other friends are single). In short, during 312, Buck lost and Eddie was about to be lost on a detour in his romantic journey. In 613, they ARE a family, they work as one throughout the ep, not just in parts of it, and they’re both winning. ~~

Something that gets to me is that when I first shared the BTS pic of Buddie at the poker game, it was clear that Eddie was just bursting with self confidence. He looked like he would be the star of that game. But when we got the promo, we discovered that it was actually going to be Buck who would shine that night. So what makes me slightly froth at the mouth is that all of that sexy confidence we picked up on in the photo? It was real. We weren’t wrong. It just wasn’t confidence that Eddie had in himself, it’s confidence he has in Buck. All of his swagger? Is a reflection of how much he believes and enjoys seeing his husband be a star. I am gonna need 3-6 working weeks at least to recover from knowing this. ~~

Speaking of things that destroyed me forever, everything about the Buckley-Diaz family in this ep falls into that category. I mean, not only did we once again have incredibly domestic scenes, we had one that was very reminiscent of the lasagna one in 601 (Eddie with Chris at the table, Buck fussing around them only to join in once he brings along something to be consumed), reinforcing that this is THEIR NORM, we also had Eddie and Chris being so cute and supportive when it comes to Buck’s new ability (Chris calls him a superhero, Eddie goes along with it, and when Buck’s upset he didn’t get a better superpower, naming some he would have liked to have, Eddie comforts him by saying those other options sound horrible). 

And then to top it all off, we had Buck and Chris cooking together. Bobby’s been explicitly acknowledged as basically being Buck’s dad by both of them, and we know Bobby’s been teaching Buck how to cook. Now we get Buck doing the same with Chris, clearly marking them as father and son, especially since this is done with just the two of them, this special time that’s allocated just to their bond together. Eddie is not needed as a middleman. I know that this isn’t news, but every single time the show reinforces this truth, that Buck is Christopher’s other dad, that their bond is that deep, I gain 10 years, so I have to mention it. ~~

For 613, I made my weekly gifset about Buck and answers, but I’d actually like to elaborate on what you see there. In 602, at the happiness center call, we see Buck looking to Lev in search for his own answers on what his happiness looks like. When he still can’t find any, he turns to Hen, because she always has them. Along this season, that’s been his theme. He’s trying to figure out what he wants in order to be happy, which is connected to the couch theme we’ve all been screaming about since 601 (and especially after he fell asleep on Eddie’s in 612). In 613, Buck suddenly finds that he’s the guy with the answers and he likes it. But has he really got them? Buck says these words to Eddie and Chris, and in addition to that, while he utters them, he’s literally captured in the same frame together with Eddie. But it’s also essential that we heard why Chris can’t just be given the answers. It’s in order to learn, Eddie tells him. That’s exactly what Buck has to do, he has to find his answers in order to learn from the search process. He’s not just there yet, but the framing of the whole scene coupled with the ongoing couch theme is very loud. ~~

What gets me maybe most of all in a whole ep of REALLY GOOD BUDDIE CONTENT, is the way the whole thing wraps up. The storyline on Buck’s new abilities doesn’t end with any commentary on those or on his recovery process. His last scene in this ep is the one with Chris. It follows directly the one with Hen and Karen, a scene which reminds us that we’re never surprised at either woman spending solo time with and caring about Denny, even though neither is biologically related to him, because they ARE BOTH his parents. In the same way, it’s only natural that we see Buck spending alone time with Chris, without Eddie around. It is so meaningful that the last shot of Buck in this ep is not about his story line at all, and neither his abilities, nor having died for several minutes is the point. Instead, the last, and therefore most significant shot of Buck in this very Buddie domestic ep, is him smiling at their son. I feel like that says everything about his trajectory.

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know  if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ Thank you so much for reading and for any reblog, like, comment or supportive tag! Also, HUGE thank you to @whosoldherout​. On top of real life stuff, she makes her own amazing gifs AND helps make these posts so much better. She’s the one with the real superpowers!

[pinkdreamcollectorsworld]

Hello! I'm sorry for not getting to this post earlier, life's been crazy the last week hahaha (adulting, ya know?)

I watched the finale and boy howdy it had me in my feels 😅😅

If you haven't watched it yet, this is a post that definitely contains spoilers so read at your own risk!

Wanted to start off with some of the plots that stood out to me the most. these are just my thoughts and opinions/ feelings so please be nice in the comments. I kinda wanted this to be a discussion post for anyone interested.

Bobby- he lived! I'm so so so glad he was okay, i lowkey thought we were losing him. He's honestly one of my personal faves so idk how I would have felt if he didn't make it 😭😭 I also just wanted to point out, he literally quit, almost died, and then walked into the station like nothing happened. I cannot wait to see how the team is going to handle him quitting and literally not saying anything before everything went down. Like was he just planning on not telling them at all?? Also, in terms of what his plan was, honestly broke my heart. He DESERVES the life he built. He DESERVES the family he built. And the scene with him and Amir just.... ugh. Amir might not forgive him but I wasn't expecting him to tell Bobby he earned the right to a life and family despite what happened. His montage at the beginning of last episode BROKE ME.

Athena- Homegirl was out for BLOOD! Look, I love athena, but she literally misuses her job for personal gain and expects no consequences😭 both her and Bobby have been through SO MUCH these last few seasons. In terms of Amir, I think they just needa let the man live his life. Yes, her being there pretty much saved him from the cartel, but guys, she ate her words by pulling a gun on him. Im not sure what season she says it but she tells someone that it is in fact considered assault when you point a gun at someone. Angela Bassett performance this episode was 10/10, probably one of her best performances so far imo

Hen & Karen- omgggg these two I tell you. They can't catch a break😭😭 the way they lost Mara simply because a councilwoman was on a power trip just had me in TEARS. They deserve to have Mara in thier life, no matter what. I think they are good for her. She's good for them and Denny. I hope we get to see thier story progress more next season.

Maddie&Chim- THESE TWO! The fact that they were there when Hen got the call about Mara and were the ones who got her out of the group home just does something to my heart ngl. I literally love them both so much. They are so so kind and caring about the people in thier life.

Eddie& Chris- this is the one that truthfully really made me question some things. Eddie really, REALLY needs to talk to someone. The whole thing with Kim just, makes me feel icky. Did not like that little subplot one bit. I understand that Kim was simply trying to help, but I honestly think it made things so so much worse. Especially when Chris and Marisol walked in the door at the end of the moment. Chris literally stood there, and said "Mom?" He's traumatized for life. I honestly agree with his decision to call his grandparents. Little guy just needs a break. He needs space. His dad is going through something that he as a CHILD shouldn't have to endure as well. I know some people hate that Chris called the grandparents, and I know that Eddie really didn't want to let Christopher go but he needed to.. even if he didn't want to.. I think Eddie is going to be going through it next season and I can't wait to see what they do with him next season.

Buck- Buck, Buck, BUCK theres so much that I loved about him this episode. The fact that he showed up for Eddie and Chris and said "what can I do" I just... *chefs kiss* He showed up and said "I can't explain this to your kid but I will make damn sure he's okay" and DID. He made sure that Chris was okay, and on top of that made sure Eddie was also okay. And when the grandparents showed up, even though he couldn't convince Chris to stay, he didn't try to get any more involved than was necessary. You can see on his face that he's sad about Chris wanting to leave, but understands. He's sad for Eddie and put his hand on his shoulder to say, "I'm sorry, but im here for you". In my opinion, Buck has grown so so much since the first season and he's become another one of my favs.

Buck&Tommy- (I felt they needed thier own little section) I love what the actors, showrunners and writers are doing with this. Tommy and buck are in a HEALTHY, STABLE, relationship. It might have started out just a little rocky, but they've built on it and each other and im HERE FOR ITTTT! The vulnerability between the BOTH of them about thier own fathers/ father figures when Tommy asked buck if he was okay really proved that they are at the point in the relationship that they can open up to each other, and that Tommy cares. They know how to read each other. In terms of the daddy issues topic, im glad that queer, MASCULINE MEN are shown in a proper, HEALTHY, SHAMELESS sexual relationship. Buck opened the door by flirting and tommy picked it right up and im here for it. There wasn't anything "weird" or "out of left field"about it, Buck wanted to see if Tommy could match his freak and he DID! I genuinely hope they grow next season and give us more insight into thier relationship dynamic.

I also just wanted to point out, Cap literally told Buck "hes good for you, because we haven't had to talk about it" like what other proof do people need to see that they are a good match? Literally every other relationship buck has had, has ended in disaster. I don't think there was a partner he had that didn't warrant a discussion between him and Cap before Tommy came around.

The team all together- the fact that they all dropped everything to be there for Cap and athena really shows that they are a family.

Captain Gerrard- not much to say, not surprised that they brought him back, next seasons gonna interesting. Still a POS in my book no matter WHAT they do with his character.

All in all I loved the season finale. I loved that they wrapped up most of the major storylines to open the door for a new one (captain Gerrard return to the 118)

Thanks for reading if you stayed through this jumbled mess!

[eddiediazismyhusband]

No but you’re so right about not wanting to watch season 8 because after how they handled the doppelgänger storyline I don’t want to watch it, with the rumours Gavin isn’t coming back and how this show has handled estranged parents storylines in the past I just have zero faith they’re going to do Eddie any justice especially after they sent him back to before the show levels of development, practically erasing everything we’ve seen him work on from seasons 2-6, like I can just picture the Diaz parents redemption and Eddie thanking them for taking Chris and ignoring everything a little like they did with the Buckleys

And something something this show hates happy queer parents, I don’t know how to really articulate this but like even if they do a gay Eddie storyline now, it’s not sitting right with me that it’s only happening now Chris is gone, like I know Eddie filters life through Chris/doesn’t really know who he is without the parent role etc etc I know that but with the way they treat Henren on the show and the way they treat Denny and Mara’s storylines, it almost seems like they weren’t going to let Eddie figure himself out while also actively parenting—it’s giving the straight grandparents need to save Chris from his gay dad (like they wanted to all along) i don’t know if I’m getting my point across well but it’s giving a “if you’re queer and a parent you will not be happy on this show your kid/s will get taken away from you”

👏👏👏

this. i understand the argument that eddie needs a chance to examine things without looking throughthe Chris lense, but it feels like he absolutely 100% could have had the realization because of Chris. like it would have taken chris saying he views buck as his dad one time and eddie would have spiralled and everything would have begun to fall into place— i get gavin having conflicts due to his move and possibly having to leave the show but there were so many other ways to essentially write him off (yes ik nothing is confirmed and that he very well could come back in a much slimmed down onscreen role such as may/harry) but it feels like they just went “eh… eddie started to reconcile with his dad…. let’s just send chris away even though eddie realistically would not have built up that much trust in this short amount of time (especially w helena)

and i 1000% agree w it mimicking the henren trauma bc why are we targeting the black lesbians with the same storyline we already saw with Nia…. why are we now lumping eddie into the traumatized poc paranoid losing their kid trope? especially if they plan to make him queer?

like i fully understand this show is a drama, but i miss when it was a DRAMA and not a SOAP OPERA… like earlier seasons had their fair amount of dramatic shit going on but this is just ridiculous and some of it feels farcical to me at this point… especially with the handling of buck’s bisexuality where his coming out scene to maddie included a joke about “always checking out a hot guy’s ass” once again reducing his character down to sex even though Buck has grown past that… idk it just rubs me the wrong way that we’re either sex-hungry, sassy, traumatized, or all three in one and it doesn’t sit right with me.

also them actively chosing to make a known problematic character queer just to serve as a plot device for a sexuality arc that didn’t even live up to any potential bc they kissed once, went on a coffe date and bam they’re suddenly together? even for a straight couple that’s such an anticlimactic relationship buildup let alone a queer one… and not only that but using his queerness as an excuse for his racism and misogynistic behavior as a way to sweep it under the rug is so icky to me… like why is the only decently treated canonically queer character Josh??? (even though even he was part of that whole hate crime plot!)

it’s so hard as a queer person to watch other queer people be told by straight people that they should settle for what we have… and that those queer people listen and also somehow think that settling is all we can do. i know it’s easy to settle for shit, but i’m sorry i did not spend six years watching these two build something beautiful to see it thrown away because what they gave us is (not even) “good enough.”

it really is disheartening.

anyway sorry for turning this into another rant post, anon, i just liked your added point of the traumatized queer parent thing and wanted to expand on that some more!

[asurrogateblog]

Cannibals, Pirates, and PhDs: How Did I Get Here?

I mentioned in some tags earlier that I’ve only actually been a real fan of Pink Floyd for under a year, and that the confluence of events that led up to it is pretty absurd. Some interest seemed to be taken in this, so I though I’d elaborate.

I didn’t know how to shorten this timeline and have it make any sense, so it’s... long. But idk, I think it’s pretty funny. If you’re nosy like I am this is for you.

My Backstory Timeline:

early childhood: my parents essentially mainline me and my little sister with The Beatles. I know almost no songs written past the 70’s until at least sixth grade. I develop a childhood crush on Paul McCartney, a joke that the universe really decides to play the long game on.

2014: my dad calls me over one night, and gravely tells me he’s been waiting to share something until I’m old enough. I brace myself to be told about sex or secret half-siblings. Instead, he tells me I need to listen to The Wall. Irritated at the idea of wasting an hour and half of my night, I nevertheless comply and go up to my room and put it on. I do not come back from this, clearly having inherited some sort of generational curse.

Around the same time, I am also secretly watching Hannibal every time my parents send me upstairs because Game of Thrones is “too gory”. This will trigger three important things: an interest in psychology, a love of horror media, and a classical music phase will train my attention span to last well past the three minute mark.

2014-2023: Over the intervening years, I become a casual fan of Pink Floyd, but make a deliberate point not to learn anything about the band. I like being able to imagine my own meanings for the songs. Also, I am motivated against this by a childhood memory of being deeply frightening by a picture of old Paul McCartney (LOL). I do not want that to ever happen again, so no learning.

Cut to April of 2023: I am finishing up my first year of my PhD program studying media psychology. I am in a bad place mentally, and am going through another horror movie phase to fill the hole. As a result, I get very into American Psycho. The main character, Patrick Bateman, is a fan of superficial 80’s pop music, particularly Genesis. I decide to start listening to Genesis to see if I agree with his tastes. While researching “best Genesis albums”, I come across The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I listen to it, and am blown away. I had no idea that the Phil Collins band made music like that. This sends me down the prog-rock rabbit hole. I still won't learn any lore.

Summer of 2023: MEANWHILE, I am also going through another pirate phase. I have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of 18th century piracy (and am still quite active in the Black Sails fan community). Around this time, I get really obsessed with this one random guy named Dennis McCarthy who was hanged in 1718.

I decide to work poor Dennis into a science fiction story I’ve been working on. The premise is essentially that the universe is an abandoned simulation, and a ‘glitch in the matrix’ starts to, among other things, bring people from the wrong time periods back to life. The format of the story is vaguely monster-of-the-week, in which the characters have to solve various problems caused by mistakes in the code. I think, “hey, you know what would be perfect for this? that fanfic I wrote about The Wall in high school.” Said fic (which that stupid fucking beatles movie stole from me) is about a world in which Pink Floyd never existed, but a wannabe rock-star discovers a box full of their records and decides to copy them. While he is touring his plagiarized version of The Wall, he realizes that the events of the album are starting to happen to him in real life. By working this concept into my new story, I go through another one of my periodical The Wall phases. It's in full swing when fall rolls around.

September of 2023: This semester, I take a grad-level narrative theory class in the English department. I decide it would be helpful to follow along with a specific example, so I choose The Wall. Using the terminology I am learning in the class, I start to realize that The Wall is…. incredibly narratologically fucked up. To help orient me, I watch the bootleg concert recordings, and the trick with the surrogate band sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore.

This is where the two plot-lines converge. I don’t remember which came first, but around this same time, I think to myself “hey, if Genesis was hiding such an incredible album under the 80’s pop, what must Pink Floyd be hiding?” On that whim, I put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, which equally sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore. I needed to know what the fuck happened to get them from Piper to The Wall.

September-November: In the two months between the onset of this and finally making another sideblog, I dedicate all of my free time to learning as much about Pink Floyd as humanely possible (and writing a 20 page essay for that narrative theory class). As you can imagine, this is a lot to unpack all at once for someone who didn’t even know who Roger or Syd or any of the rest of them were. Luckily, I am over-educated enough to be a very fast learner. Aside from the band lore itself, I of course also fall in love with the rest of Pink Floyd's discography musically-speaking. Having this interest to latch onto genuinely pulls me out of my depression.

Cut to February 2024: I am really enjoying myself, and want to keep this going as long as possible, but I am starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Pink Floyd lore. I decide I need to feed the fire by supplementing with lore from another band. The Beatles seem to have a strong fan presence on tumblr, why not revisit a childhood favorite? The universe laughs at my expense.

That about brings us up to date. I have gone through so much character development over the last eight months, it’s crazy. Pink Floyd is definitely one of those things that is less of a “phase” and more of a permanent part of my mindscape. Weirdly enough, since I am studying media psychology, all of this has also been really good for my career? I never took an interest in -real- media figures (as opposed to fictional characters) before, and I feel like I have a much clearer sense of things now. It's definitely influenced my research, so whatever domino effect this has on my future is bound to get even funnier.

Anyway, that’s my backstory!

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 4 react

simon i SWEAR ill get you out of there and that horrendous art style

also though. TEENAGE SHIZAYA CHAPTER LETS GO???? idk if narita made the minidura or if it's a separate illustrator but they are giving the FOOD rn

i was wondering where the official knowledge that simon forced izaya and shizuo to eat sushi together came from. i mean i guess this isnt official and it was probably stated in the anime somewhere but still, good to see it illustrated pff

AAAAAAAAA ive seen this image around tumblr but i didnt realize it was from minidura 😭 i thought it was fanart or smth (<-dumbass)

wait im actually going crazy over this akwjhkjdshs they're washing dishes together!!! now we just need them to do laundry and taxes and-

im going to go over the image limit this time on god

wow cant believe they're bathing each other too (<-delusional)

something about the first shizuo panel reminds me of aggretsuko. which is. actually. huh. arent they both like adults with anger issues. durarara aggretsuko au when

also deadass i forgot dennis existed until i read about him in a shizaya fanfiction and i was like "who's dennis" pfgfkhkd

so true though never throw kitchen knives kids

LMFAO HE JUST GAVE THEM MORE WORK INSTEAD OF RESPONDING

they're gonna be here all day at this rate. actually shizaya as fast food/restaurant staff au when because they'd have the stupidest rivalry known to man and i need it

fucking imagine shinra walks in and sees shizuo and izaya working by the counter

i hope izaya gets to eat fatty tuna by the end of this though. god knows he's gonna look cute as hell

made funnier by the fact that izaya at least definitely knows how to cook with how long he's been on his own and needed to feed his sisters

damn ive actually never seen someone's vein burst in a way where blood sprays out in anime akshGKJHJKSD thats impressive actually

dont look now but this may or may not inspire me to make a mermaid/pirate au (<-obsessed)

who needs kaiju battles when you can have blue fin tuna vs crab

they're literally never leaving this place bro they're gonna be stuck here for eternity. anyway here's a literary analysis of durarara pointing out why russia sushi is actually representative of dante's inferno /j

i want to read those blurbs so baddddd screams sobs bangs table

rip dennis dude he doesnt get paid enough to deal with shizaya

rippp time to listen to izaya pine hopelessly for the man he cant stop annoying for five seconds

simon had the right idea. too bad shizaya are shizaya

what is that face izaya. i cant tell if he's irritated that simon's right or irritated that simon cant understand how instinctual their hatred is or amused that simon thinks he and shizuo could be friends or amused because he thinks meaningless fighting is hilarious

oh......that kind of hurts actually

i can imagine izaya suggesting it as a joke and then lying in bed that night thinking about how it's never going to happen and it really sounds like a funny joke huh? (he is not crying)

i cant believe simon's been dealing with these bitches for like 7 years now like dude has the patience of a saint

😭give him his 50,000 yen simon

we can see that the crack in the sign is actually fixed now too ahhh time really flies when you're stuck in a relationship of mutual hatred

chibizaya is so cuteeeeeeeee

im sure he intended to paint himself that way in his recollection though pff

THATS RIGHT SHIZAYA BE THE PORCUPINES. SNUGGLE. DO IT

step aside erika, simon is the face of the shizaya nation now. especially with that "you just have a shizuo complex dont you" quote that i found the other day which i still havent recovered from

HAUDGHUSDH orihara izaya, pro unreliable narrator

hilarious how we never see tom's face. just his dreads lmfao

dennis and simon are so done with like izaya bro i think they can tell at this point that he's horrifically pining and has no healthy outlet for it. the bills go to him because they're bullying him

it'd be funny if they billed him 50,000 at the end actually pft

I KNEW WE'D GET THEM EATING TOGETHER!!! I HAD FAITH

they're so cute oh my god can i make that my header or something

10/10 chapter im going to punt izaya into a wall and get simon flowers

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Okay I know I was just here with III but I just got absolutely sledgehammered by the Arc-V ending (WTF) (Shun deserved better) so uh. Thoughts on Shun Kurosaki?

AHHAHAHAHA GOD. IM SO SORRY. IT'S. ROUGH. STAY STRONG MY FRIEND i would love to talk about shunshay kurosakiobsidian tho!

Why I like them/why I don’t: BIRD AUTISM IS SO COOOOOL I love that he's just so absurdly serious in a frequently deeply goofy yugioh, like GIVEN HIS SITUATION IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE but it's still so funny. guy who takes it up to an 11 when most situations really need maybe only a 5. his dub voice rules also he's got the zane thing where he's either muttering angrily or SCREAMING and i always love that sort of vocal performance hehehe. also lbr raidraptors are just so fucking cool. just a guy and his 3892893435 bigger and bigger birds that are guns. i also need to be real shay is one of those yugioh characters where i decided they were a butch lesbian in my brain and my enjoyment of them just shot right through the roof. transfem shay youre so real to me. thumbs up

What I like about their appearance: AGAIN ARC V CHARACTER COLOR PALETTES JUST RULE SO HARD the different shades of teal in his hair, the pop of red in his bandana, that deep indigo of his trench coat...it's such a good palette he has a very striking design.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names? i incline towards shay more but shun has grown on me more over tim... im starting to do the ryozane thing where i just jam both names together sometimes lol.... i think i like obsidian as a surname more than kurosaki though

OTP: im an aro lesbian shayshun truther and i dont really have any ships for him im like frothing TOO too much at the mouth about...i do like the idea of crow/shay especially as a butch birder4butch birder thing though

NOTP: shay/dennis is like..... man i Like a good enemies to lovers but this one doesnt feel great to me. the optics on 'guy who lost everything in a horrific war crime' x 'guy who gave the ok for that war crime to happen' are kind of. not great. not my favorite. idk. also thats a dyke and a gay man to me but ANYWAY

OT3: this is absolutely not the romantic sense of 'ot3' but i do love the xyz trio so much. characters who deserve the goddamn world

Favourite card they use: i do love satellite cannon falcon. world's most absolutely unnecessary gigantic robot bird thats also a gun that has to literally leave the atmosphere to attack. insane. i love yugioh.

Favourite moment they were in: yeah on that note it's the shay/dennis friendship cup duel. he fucking blew that twink up with his giant space falcon and also the entire stadium too and he probably would have beat dennis to death with his bare hands if he didnt get stopped. and it KICKED ASS.

Least favourite moment: LITERALLY THOUGH LIKE. WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO SHUN IN THE LAST LIKE 4 EPISODES OF THE SERIES...... why did they make him just effectively lie down and take that absolute dogshit hand they dealt him for no fucking reason. his best friend and his sister are effectively dead. but la la la yuya beat him so it's fine :^) WHY COULDNT HE HAVE DUELED YUTO...HE WAS THERE.. IN YUYA'S BRAIN...WOULDVE BEEN NICE. 8| GOD.

Something I associate with them: this onion headline

[sunnykeysmash]

I'm in my overanalyzing hour but this scene is very fascinating to me because it reads like layers

like at first it presents us the problem (the party), it shows us how he reacts to problems in general (he is on edge because his trauma response is to overanalyze and micromanage everything to keep everyone safe, because in the past for him "problem" meant instability and danger)

then we see his core emotional response to it, and something that I think is always on the back of his mind ("you guys like me, right?" "you think that dennis hates me?" "are you mad at me?"), which is to doubt the love and care of the people around him for putting him in this position in the first place (dealing with the problem) (and tbh who can blame him lol)

he covers this core response with anger, because it's something he absolutely cannot accept (that they don't in fact love and understand him, it's too painful to even consider)

then finally he laughs to cover EVERYTHING up and conceal and dismiss it, his final response is to self soothe by distraction himself with a positive memory regarding the gang instead, to calm down that original first one

and yeah ik the pills probably played a role in how much and how quickly this happens, but I do think this is still true to what happens with him, just... on the inside, usually.

like, oh my god, this boy is so unaware of his emotions and pushes down, down the negative ones, it's only gotten worse as the series advanced tbh, at least he used to blow up at first, which to me meant he felt at least more comfortable to express the feeling in the first place... now he's more passive aggressive, but I still think this applies. he may not conceal it with laughter but he just doesn't say it.

it's that unreadable expression or nervous smile for me. 😇

myyy point being that mac, also, has big feelings, and they hurt. and that his submission (that he only recently stopped post-chokes) was (ALSO, not only. he does love dennis and care for him) a trauma response (fawning). so is his repressing of them. which if you ask me has only gotten worse as he's become "the man who carries". mac's need for control was just as unhealthy as dennis'... that's what keeps him on edge... and if he's allowed to carry all of it, I fear he may snap as well!!! he's not much better off than dennis, I think they're at pretty equal low points right now.

S14 was all about showing dennis that mac cares, that mac can do better and can improve the dynamic, but I think maybe... mac may be a bit disillusioned that dennis can similarly step up. but since mac copes by holding control it "doesn't bother him" that dennis doesn't extend care. it's the love part that still bothers him. I do think he's still upset that dennis won't admit it. That's probably why he seems pissed during dennis' identity monologue in s15, because dennis is being super hypocritical.

but uh. yeah. idk where I was going with this if not that they're both the jumper (like, I really believe they're both at the lowest but idk) and they're very much mirrors of each other and share a lot of similar experiences (the storm! the big feelings! the denial! the hole! the family trauma! the love...) plus their self image is very much built in how the other sees them, and right now they're not seeing each other right at all. they're both falling for the other's mask.

I hope... they get to see each other.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ( 18+)

CW: Cheating

The next morning I went shopping with Sandra. S. will soon actually move. We went to that damn IKEA. Every time I enter an IKEA, I buy TRASH, that I don't need!! Anyway! Sandra and I were busy unpacking all those bits & bobs we bought. My Mom also came into my room, to ask where Nico was? She noticed that he left in the middle of the night and she probably heard us arguing.

N.'s Mom called him last night. She wanted Nico to pick up his fiancée. Yesterday before Nico came to me, he droped Stephanie at his Mother's house. Someone had to take care of his crazy ex- fiancee... Stephanie started that pity shit again and she also told N.'s Mom about me. She meant Nico was cheating on her. And of course his Mom didn’t feel like taking care of his fiancee, while he was shaking up with someone. (me) So yea, she's pretty mad! And I was mad at him because he didn’t come back to me, but stayed there. I told him, if he didn’t finally send Stephanie to hell, I’d date someone else, too! But N. didn’t take me seriously. He was just making silly jokes. That's why.... I called Dennis!! He accompanied Sandra & me today and we had a really nice day with him.🤷‍♀️

Mom: There you are!... Where's Nico? Why isn’t he with you? I thought you two never wanted to be apart again. 🤨

Me: His Mom called him. He had to leave.

Mom: I heard you two fighting! Did he change his mind about your Baby?

Me: N-no!... Agh, pls get off me.

Mom: Sandra! Who is that guy who accompanied you two?

Sandra: Um-....

Me: How-...How do you know??

Mom: I saw him outside with you two. You know, my "spy-window". That one in the kitchen! I could observe absolutely everything! So don’t you dare lie to me and tell me he’s Sandra's bf or something. That boy's clearly after you, A.! 😠

Me: Really? 👉👈 You think he likes me? ... No, JK!! 😉 He and I met at Ana’s College. Dorm!! He lives there too and... yea that's all. We're friends.

Mom: Since you mentioned this, what’s wrong with you and Ana? She told me it was a mistake to take you to her college . It's bcs of that boy??

Me: NO! It was Adam's fault! He made trouble for Ana and me. But Ana and I made up.... Idk why she's avoiding me?? I guess it has something to do with her new bestie Claudia. 💁‍♀️😒

Mom: Why don’t you ask her?

Me: I was busy with my own shit!!! But well, I'm gonna talk to her.

Mom: And now tell me what’s wrong with N. Did-....did he ask you to see other men? That's a familiar road for you two, isn't it?

Me: You nuts? I can't believe you actually think that!! 😲😠

Mom: I don’t know what to think or believe? You are pregnant A.! Second, you’re married to Daniel. And I just saw you outside with another guy. And it’s no secret that Nico does strange things to you.

Me: What kind of strange things? This thing with Philip and him last year was a fucking mistake! An experiment that went totally wrong for ALL of us! Especially for N.! However, it won’t happen again!

Mom: Your Dad knows! I told him last night. He wants to talk to Nico, so..... where is he?

Me: You already told him?? 😲 But-... ugh, idk if Nico will come by today? That stupid Stephanie!.............. Who knows if he’ll ever come back to me.😫

I told my Mom the truth that Nico had a fiancée. He broke up with her, but Stephanie just won’t let go of him. My Mom was so mad at me for getting involved in something like this. She accused me of being........... a bitch. She didn’t say "bitch"!! !My mother doesn’t use such.... bad words. 😇 (😒) I just can’t think of the right word in English rn, but it means the same.

Mom: How many times have I told you and your sister, never, to fall in love with a man who is taken or married! It's a really low blow, A.!

Me: You’re just saying that because of you and Dad! But-....I love him, I loved him before! So, he belongs to me! Not to her!

Mom: Then why did you marry Daniel? If... you’ve always loved Nico? You knew he had a fiancée. You deliberately decided to ruin their relationship! Just because your marriage didn’t work. The right thing would have been to ignore Nico’s messages. You never know what or WHO you want?... It’s like a curse on you. 🤦‍♀️

Me: You’re on her side, not mine! I hate you! And I didn’t ruin anything! He wanted to break up with her anyway!!

Mom: Sure, that’s why he’s with her now, not here with you. 🤷‍♀️

Shit, I think she was right. I have to stop this. I have to stop Stephanie! I'm going to have his Baby! Sandra said the same to me. I have to make it clear to N., that he’s gonna lose me, if he doesn’t do the right thing!!!! But Nico thought now that I’m pregnant, he’d be safe. I mean, I’m not sure he really thought that, but that’s how it felt to me.

Previous/ Next

[fbfh]

rocks at your window pt. 10 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18+!! ricky and reader are 18 and in their senior year

additionally, we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot so he's going to start expressing some symptoms of mental illness and bpd but he does get therapy eventually and has a good support system but he gets worse before he gets better yk. Obviously I'm not a professional and this is for entertainment so while I have done my research pls take this with a grain of salt!! or several!! /lh

!! contains some spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts, and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 10.1k

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, more high highs and a lot of low lows, tooth rotting fluff

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: saucy flashbacks, nini and ej are very unprofessional, more fake texts, more coping through the arts, ricky realizes he's a real theatre kid, ricky is simping for you, seb being seb/a good friend/an absolute sweetheart, ricky distancing himself from lynne (slay), spilling tea (after getting permission to do so), conflicted feelings, nini (and ej but mostly nini) ruins the show, three seperate nini pick me moments, reader is about to snap, ricky and reader are mvps, one playful 'babe' from reader to ricky, nini is one delusional bitch!, brief mention of reader's trauma (jumpy at loud noises, flinches when someone raises their voice), ricky and big red are bros, big red has good opinions bc he stans dr phil, minor big red x ashlyn, kourtney and ricky do not get along lol, reader DOES snap, nini is terrible idk how else to rephrase it she's just the worst, nini gets yelled at by both you and ricky (slay), realizations happen, jones BIGASS love confessions and neck kisses.html, flowery descriptions, ricky picks you up briefly, making out, ricky is good with kids and it's adorable, nini is the only one who calls it YAC, theatre kids at denny's jumpscare, mike is a good dad, you wear one of ricky's shirts, saccrine amounts of love declarations, tooth rotting fluff

summary: after the disaster that was act one, act two also finds some way to go unplanned, causing you to be completely fed up with Nini's unprofessional behavior. you turn a night of confrontations around as you realize something and ricky finally gets something important off his chest.

song recs: entr'acte (hands clean) - jagged little pill obc, smiling - jagged little pill obc, what am I to you - rm, you stupid bitch - crazy ex girlfriend cast, first - niki and gabi, for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic - paramore, I hear a symphony - cody fry, something to believe in - newsies obc, let's go to the movies - annie (1982), sunrise - in the heights obc

a/n: fangz again 2 cici for beta reading, prepz fuk off. I'm watching american horror story murder house so uh. i'll let you know how that goes. it's hilarious so far tbh i love basement babyman. also this is ricky at you

tags @yesv01 @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @hopefullhearts @pikzel @demirunner @brinaslittlefreak @girlfriendwhoseawitch @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @rainforest-daisies @sunshineangel-reads

You had heard the first part of their argument from your dressing room. After that it was muffled yelling - most of which you hoped was Ricky’s. When Natalie called for places, they were still going at it. You found Miss Jenn as quickly as you could, worried about Ricky, unsure if he was still okay to perform. 

“EJ is already getting ready to go on.” She tells you. It’s the only answer you need for how ugly things got. She ushers everyone to their places, trying her best to squash their questions and speculations of what’s going on. 

“Nothing you need to worry about, just find you places, get in character, get ready for act two…” she instructs. She pulls you aside before you enter the wings. 

“Mr. Mazzara is escorting her out as we speak.” she informs you quietly. 

“Wait, Mr. Mazzara is here?” you ask. She pauses.

“Uh, yes. He’s been… helping run the lights up in the control booth. It was a last minute-” she shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, the… shrew is leaving and Mike is on his way back to check on Ricky.” You’re relieved that his dad is here for him - and Miss Jenn. You look around momentarily. 

“Where is he?” you ask. 

“That dusty storage room we shoved the creepy mannequins in.” 

The one with the piano. The one where he helped you come down from a panic attack your first day at the El Rey, and… 

“...So they’re probably going to wait until the show is over, then head home.” You snap out of the onslaught of memories that stirred up at the mention of that storage room, catching the last half of what she said. “You can keep your phone in the wings to stay in touch, just make sure it’s not a distraction.” 

“Okay,” you agree, already feeling it buzzing in your pocket. She nudges you toward the wings as the intro to I Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You starts playing, Nini and EJ’s voices should be floating through the house. 

“Now, go be Sharpay!” she says with a smile, and you start to turn the corner, then pause. 

“Miss Jenn!” you whisper-yell, and she looks back up at you. “Thank you! For everything.” you say sincerely. She places her hands on her chest, smiling, and you finally find your place backstage. 

“Like, full on screaming,” you hear Zeke say to Martha. You try to ignore them, and everyone else talking and whispering. You knew it would spread like wildfire, backstage drama always does. You pull out your phone, blowing up with texts from Ricky and his dad. You keep switching between the two text threads, trying to figure out what happened, to make sure Ricky’s okay. As you type out replies to both him and his dad, you look out onto the stage. Something doesn’t sound right, the gaps between the dialog are too long. 

Your brow furrows, trying to figure out what’s going on. EJ’s hand comes up to his collar and he leans forward. Nina delivers her next line more stilted and awkward and out of character than anything you’ve ever seen. You watch, confusion turning into disbelief as Nina covers her mic with her hand, and whispers something to EJ. Being so close to where they’re standing, you’re able to catch most of what she says - ‘seriously, EJ, where’s Ricky?’, or something to that effect. 

High pitched feedback whines at the disturbance to her mic, and for a moment you think you must have imagined it. There’s no way, no chance in hell she covered her mic with her hand, broke character onstage, and got EJ to break character too. You take a few breaths, reminding yourself that you’re not the director. Miss Jenn will have to deal with that one. Your phone buzzes as you get more texts from Ricky, and you check it again. 

Ricky stares at the little gray box on his screen, letting your words sink in. He still has four shows to perform in. He has more than just tonight to look forward to. All of those shows, every single one of them, is going to go just fine. Even now, through the worst possible nightmare of a thing that could have happened, the show is still continuing; the show must go on. And it will. It is, right in front of his eyes, as he and his dad enter the auditorium, taking two empty seats, Ricky’s right on the aisle. EJ and Nini harmonize, dancing around the stage - like he was supposed to. They finish the last verse of Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, as the audience applauds. He claps politely as the lights go down. 

He mentally runs through what he would be doing if he were back there with you guys. You’re probably getting ready for the scene at Sharpay’s locker with Zeke, standing center stage in the dark, looking at the prop accessories in the pink locker, while Zeke mentally goes over his lines and blocking in the stage left wing. The lights go up, and he’s right. He knows this whole show inside and out, he realizes, and it makes his chest squeeze. Instead of dwelling on that, he leans forward, watching the scene begin to play out. He realizes suddenly that he gets to actually watch you perform. Not just from the wings or during rehearsals or in a grainy camcorder video, but he gets to watch you live. 

He smiles a little, realizing how special that is. You deliver your lines flawlessly, bringing a chuckle from the audience with your attitude right when you want one. It’s crazy how you play the mean girl so well, when it couldn’t be further from your real personality. He figures you’re just that amazing. You let out a shrill, frustrated scream, then storm off stage with Zeke trailing after you. When the lights go down, he claps loudly, letting out a cheer. He lets out a shaky breath, knowing you’ll be in the next scene, too - you’re probably quick changing for it right now. 

He’s right again, and backstage, you pull on your jacket, relieved to be done a little earlier than usual. It’s probably nerves from everything that happened tonight making you go a little quicker, but you’re not complaining. 

“So,” Seb says quietly next to you, bending over to tug on his heels, “what happened earlier? It sounded bad…” You let out a slow, frustrated sigh. He gets the sense it wasn’t just bad, it was really bad. 

“Just…” you search for the words, “some personal stuff. Family stuff, I guess.” 

“Bad enough for him to leave halfway through the show?” he asks, and you can tell he’s concerned. You pause fixing your belt, looking up to the catwalk and praying for the strength to get through tonight. Seb is one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met, and you know he wouldn’t hurt a fly, but the last thing you need to do is add to the whispers, the desire for someone to spill the tea on what happened during intermission. 

“It’s really not for me to say…” you trail off, glancing at the other groups of castmates waiting to go on and techies listening for their cues. ‘Later’, you mouth to him. You have to go on any minute, and you want to text Ricky about it before you tell anyone anything. It’s really not your place to tell anyone what’s going on in his homelife. You pull out your phone, sending him a quick text that says some of your friends are worried about him, and does he want you to say anything or keep it under wraps for now. You turn your phone on silent and hide it in your bra before making your entrance on time. 

Seb lets out a huff, then follows you off stage as the ensemble runs in from the wings and the music for Wildcat Cheer reprise starts playing. As the ensemble begins dancing, Ricky checks his phone again, seeing a new text from you. ‘What do you want me to say?’ He pauses, staring at the screen. What does he want you to say? Nothing, at first. For a painful, fleeting moment, he wishes none of this had ever happened in the first place, he wishes he didn’t have to keep making up excuses and brushing things off. He doesn’t have to, he realizes. He doesn’t have to keep covering for her, and overcompensating for her shitty decisions. He bites the inside of his cheek, then texts you back. 

Backstage, you return to the stage right wing, ready for your next scene. You check to see if Ricky has texted you back, and he did. ‘Tell them she showed up unannounced and we got in a fight. I’m not trying to make her look good anymore.’ You agree, and a part of you is glad he’s not making himself responsible for his mother’s emotions anymore. When your scene is over, you rush to your dressing room to get ready for Bop to the Top. You have a full costume and hair change, and you need to tweak your makeup a little, so it usually takes you the longest to get ready for. Once you’ve applied enough body glitter to choke a bratz doll, you leave your dressing room, meeting Seb on the way to the wings. 

Most of the cast is onstage right now, so it’s not very crowded backstage where you stand, waiting for the current song to end. Seb moves a little closer to you and lowers his voice.

“I know it’s probably not a good time to ask, but what in the Mount Saint Helens happened with Ricky?” He asks in a hushed, worried tone. You bite back a smile at his turns of phrase, and sigh. You think back to Ricky’s text, how he said he’s done covering for her. 

“His mother showed up…” you say slowly, pausing at the shocked expression on his face. 

“She what?” he exclaims quietly. 

“And she tried to corner Ricky during intermission,” he gasps, and you continue, “and they got into a huge fight.” 

“Oh my god.” he says, thinking back to the yelling he’d heard. 

“Mhm.” you confirm, “Miss Jenn had to kick her out so she wouldn’t cause more of a scene.” 

“Oh my god!” he gasps in disbelief that it got that bad. He feels like he’s on an episode of Real Housewives. Or maybe Dance Moms. 

“Poor Ricky… Is he okay?” His mind constructs different images of Ricky’s mother ambushing him while he tries to get ready for act two. He can’t imagine how terrible that must have been. 

“As much as he can be right now,” you say. Seb can see how worried you are about him. This night took a toll on you, and he’s sure Ricky’s dad and Miss Jenn can’t be doing much better. It makes sense, and he’s glad to at least know what happened. 

“That’s pretty much it, but I’ll give you the details later.” you say, noting that you have to go on soon, and walking over to Ashlyn so you can enter together. 

The music starts, and Ricky has never been more excited for Bop to the Top. He’s never had the opportunity to see you and Seb perform full out like this from the audience, he’s always been just out of view before because of the blocking and where he was supposed to stand on stage. But now, he’s front and center, watching the light bounce off the glitter scattered across your chest and arms. You’re in a gorgeous, glittering teal dress that bounces and moves with every step you take. Your silver sparkling heels match your bracelets, and your hair is pinned up with big pink and white flowers on the side. Seb begins to dance with you, wearing a coordinating outfit that’s just as flashy. 

As the music cuts between the basketball game and science decathlon, you and Seb continue to steal the show. Your singing is gorgeous and your choreography is flawless. You harmonize as you spin around, totally in sync. Your attitude, your charisma is overflowing. The two most important events of the show are happening on either side of you, and you’re keeping all eyes center stage. He’s never seen a number with this much energy, this much flare, and based on the way the crowd is reacting, they feel the same way. 

As the tension builds, as the time to score the winning shot runs out and the science questions get harder and harder, as the music builds, Ricky’s breath is taken away. At the climax of the number, the East High Wildcats win the championship basketball game, and the science decathlon at the same moment. You and Seb hit the final note, holding it out as you strike your ending pose. Right as you’re done, Taylor kills the lights. 

Ricky is stunned at how good the show looks from the audience. But in spite of how amazing it’s been, he can’t ignore the gnawing in his chest anymore. He’s been trying so hard to focus on you, to not be jealous of EJ standing up there reciting his lines, singing his parts and doing his choreography. Seeing EJ up there, seeing Carlos struggle to fill in as Chad makes his stomach sink. It’s supposed to be him up there. He’s supposed to be the one scrambling to make it to callbacks on time, just like he did in real life all those months ago. He turns his attention back to you, as you begin your biggest Sharpay diva moment of the show. 

You storm off with Seb at your heels, and you both begin to get changed for the finale. As you get dressed into your white and red outfits, you can’t resist telling him a little more about what happened during act one and intermission. 

“...And she just stormed up to me, demanding to see him. Like, I told her, ‘you’re not cast or crew, you are so not allowed to be back here’, but she didn’t care!” Your voice is intense, but hushed. 

“Are you kidding?” he demands, shock evident on his face. 

“I wish I was…” you laugh softly, just as flabbergasted by the recent turn of events as he is. You inch closer to the curtain, and see Ricky wave to you in the audience - or more specifically in the general direction of where he knows you’d be right about now. His eyes are still a little pink and puffy, and it’s obvious how much everything that happened tonight has fucked him up. Your chest squeezes at the sight, and you wish you could hug him or do something to help. You sigh, trying to think of something encouraging to text him when you get a spare minute to. You snap out of your train of thought when you realize it’s quiet onstage. Your stomach sinks as EJ repeats his line, trying to cue Nina.

“Oh god,” you mutter next to Seb. 

“Did she forget her lines?” he asks. Her head turns, and you see what she’s looking at - who she’s looking at. You’re minutes away from the finale of the show, and she’s staring at Ricky. EJ begins speaking again, reciting his lines, but he just keeps going.

“Is he improving?” you ask rhetorically. “Why is he improving?” 

You have no idea what’s going on, but this show is going off the rails so fast. It’s like a slow motion trainwreck, and you find yourself unable to look away as Nina whispers to him out of character, for the second time in the last hour. You can feel your blood pressure rise as she breaks character too, the both of them floundering onstage and deviating from every rule of theatre Miss Jenn has been drilling into your heads for the last three months. Again, EJ speaks up, not even trying at this point. 

“I’m not the Troy you want,” he says melancholically. 

“What the fuck are they doing?” you hiss, and Seb can tell that after everything that happened tonight, this is really the last straw for you - you’re out for blood. You watch in disbelief as EJ just… walks offstage. And that’s it. You think it’s a really good thing he exited to the other side of the stage, because you sure have some choice words for him right now. 

“What is he doing?!” you question again, more pissed off than Seb has ever seen you. As if things couldn’t possibly get worse, you can’t believe what you’re seeing. Nina picks up her mic and begins to walk toward the edge of the stage, singing acapella. 

“She better not fucking do what I think she’s doing.” your voice is quiet, dangerous, and Seb is momentarily worried on her behalf. Even though you’re like, the nicest person ever, he doesn’t think anyone would want to be on your bad side.

Your hand flies over your mouth in utter disbelief as she walks into the audience and right over to Ricky, signaling for Big Red to follow her with a spotlight. Just when you think this couldn’t be more of an amature hour shit show, she pulls out her phone, turning her flashlight on him. You have no idea what she thinks that’s going to do, and thank god when she puts it away after a minute. She grabs Ricky’s hand, trying multiple times to pull him out of his seat. His heart is pounding, and he can feel himself freezing up. He has no idea what’s happening or why she’s doing this, and he has even less of an idea what he’s supposed to do. 

“I’m… really not at my best right now…” he manages to choke out. She doesn’t listen, and grips his hand, limp in hers. 

“Just look at me, Ricky. Right at me.” She smiles, like that will fix anything. He shouldn’t go up there, he shouldn’t go onstage when he’s like this. He and his dad had a whole conversation about it after intermission. But with everyone staring at him, Nini begins to sing. When she holds out the mic for him to finish the verse, he does, almost on instinct. He can’t leave her hanging, not like this. He panics, and next thing he knows, he’s letting her drag him onstage. He doesn’t know what’s happening, why she’s doing this, but he moves automatically and lets her drag him onstage. 

He’s struggling to keep his voice level, using all his effort to push past the pain, and smile at her. As she finally brings him center stage, taking his shaking hands in hers, he fights with everything inside him to make this work, to make it convincing, and be the finale it was supposed to be. He just has to keep it together for this last number, work through the pain, the ache in his chest and stomach that’s killing him as he stands up there, just for three minutes. As the rest of the cast begins to hit their cues, the energy has never been higher. They’re giving it everything they’ve got to hype him up, give him something to hold onto. He can feel them reaching out to him, singing and dancing their hearts out to lift him up. 

He’s trying so hard to be Troy, to seem convincing, to smile sincerely - not at Nini, but at Gabriella. He holds her hands, beaming, thinking about how badly Troy wants to kiss her. He clings onto this moment, the music, this role like a lifeboat. Troy has a great relationship with both his parents, Troy doesn’t come from a broken home. Troy is okay, he’s never been better, which means that Ricky gets to be okay vicariously through him, just for a little while. Just for a few minutes. He holds onto this catharsis as tightly as he can. He’s not going to let this moment be taken away from him too. The audience is cheering louder than ever as they make their way to the end of the song, incredibly confused at the cast changes and Nini’s actions, but they cheer everyone on - especially Ricky - nonetheless. 

He smiles at her through misty eyes, holding her hands and gazing at her in adoration. ‘This is it,’ Nini thinks, ‘my Ricky has come back to me. It’s always going to be us.’ He caresses her cheek, and looks at her like he really wants to kiss her as they harmonize. She knows he wants to kiss her, he’s always loved her and he’s always going to. They’ve had their ups and downs, but she knows that Ricky will always be hers. She was his first love, his first everything, and that’s what really matters. They have history, and you can’t fake that, you can’t manufacture that. 

The song ends and she drags him into the wings away from you and Seb, shoving his finale costume at him. He fumbles to take off his jacket, desperately trying to stay in motion, to keep moving, keep smiling, keep being Troy. He throws the sparkly white and red tracksuit on over his remaining clothes, and has seconds before he’s going to get dragged back out for the finale of a show he was only able to half participate in. He hates her so much for ruining this for him. He hates Nini for dragging him back up here, for literally putting him in a spotlight in the aftermath of the worst event of his life. He sucks it up, putting on a smile and getting hyped up to sing along to the megamix. 

It takes one look at your face for Seb to know just how bad this is. He can feel the rage, the disbelief radiating off of you, and he has no idea what’s going to happen after this. He thinks it’s nice that Nini tried to include Ricky, but she definitely didn’t go about it the right way. He’s sure you’d feel that’s probably the biggest understatement that could be made about the situation. 

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly, really worried. There’s already been so much drama tonight, he knows your bullshit tolerance is in the negatives right now. You stare at Nina across the stage, watching her whisper something to Kourtney with an expression on her face that infuriates you.

“Not sure yet.” You answer quietly, voice dangerous. Finally, you hear your cue, and you and Seb enter the stage.

He watches you change on a dime, transforming into a sassy, fun, reformed mean girl. You dance with him, and flirt with Zeke effortlessly. He can’t find a trace of your previous rage once you’re past the curtain, singing and dancing as Sharpay. There’s a light, fun, playful energy around you, and it’s infectious, making Seb and Zeke and everyone else around you have even more fun out there. For a moment, he forgets how ugly this is going to get once the lights go down. 

You make your way over to Gabriella, doing a little dance with her, just like you’re supposed to. You flash her a thumbs up, and wink at her supportively when Troy pulls her closer to dance, just like you’ve been practicing at every rehearsal leading up to this moment. Nina smiles at you when you do, interpreting yours and Ricky’s behavior as more than just stage directions. She feels a sense of benevolent camaraderie with you in these fleeting moments. Maybe she will be the bigger person, maybe she will extend her friendship to you, because even though you did try to steal Ricky from her - unsuccessfully at that - fighting over dumb boys is stupid. 

She and Gina run off to pull Miss Jenn onstage so she can deliver her infamous deleted line. It was your idea initially, but you made sure to tell the rest of the cast before tonight so the surprise could be from all of you. The cast and house cheer as she delivers her line, and you can see how much it means to her. You get a minute to dance with Ricky, and make your way over to him as quickly and naturally as possible. You couldn’t seem happier or more care free, but when you speak, your voice is strained. 

“I am so sorry that happened…” you say, barely loud enough for him to hear over the swell of the music and the rhythmic clapping as the audience keeps time. He can see it, the frustration being masked by your energetic, jovial nature. You’re doing the same thing he is, he realizes. You’re using this moment onstage and in character to keep the real world at bay. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt closer to you than he does right now. He wants to say something, he wants to feel horrible - he’s sure it’s justified - but when he looks at you, he can’t 

You’re onstage together at the end of your opening night performance, with a full house clapping and cheering and singing along with you both, with the whole cast. And in this moment, you’re worried about him. You’re worried about him. He’s so overwhelmed by this feeling of being onstage with all his friends, an audience full of people who came here and bought tickets and watched the show and are now cheering them on for this, the penultimate moment of all their hard work and dedication and doubts over the last three months culminating to this. He knows you know this feeling well, that this is the first show you’ve done in so long and how badly you’ve missed it - and you’re still up here, worried about him. 

“There were some… hiccups, but…” he starts, locking eyes with yours, looking at you that way that he does. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more strongly for you than he does right now. “This is kind of the best, right?” You smile suddenly at his words, relief evident on your face. You feel like you can breathe a little easier knowing he’s doing okay - or at least, better than he was. 

“This is just the tip of the iceberg babe,” you chuckle, nudging him playfully. You’re still livid at that… stunt Nina pulled, that hasn’t slipped your mind. But for now, Ricky is okay. That’s what’s important. You’ll deal with her later, if you get the chance. 

“Just wait till you see what I have picked out for the spring musical!” you both look over at Miss Jenn as she smiles, drawing an excited laugh from you and Ricky. 

Nina looks over, hearing you laughing with Ricky. It makes her stomach sink. She scoffs, figuring it must be platonic. He’s probably just giving you closure, or something. She looks back out into the crowd, and stops dancing as she watches the scout from YAC leave. Her mouth hangs open in disbelief. If she doesn’t get into YAC, the performing arts school of her dreams, what was the point of all this?

After everyone runs forward in groups, then individually to bow in front of the audience, You, Nina, and Ricky are the last to go. He stands between you, lined up with everyone else, holding both your hands as you and all your friends bow as a cast.  He snaps to attention as he hears a certain part of the music, squeezing your hand in warning. Confetti cannons go off from the wings moments later, drawing out a new wave of cheers and applause from the audience. You’re grateful for the warning, and you squeeze his hand back as a thank you. Your heart is warmed that even now, after so many difficult things happening back to back in one night, he still remembered that loud noises can make you jumpy. 

When Nina goes to share a look with Ricky, her smile drops. He’s already looking at you. There’s a certain type of joy in his eye, the kind you can only find amidst the ashes of misery, as he realizes that through everything that happened, he’s still okay. You’re still here. That’s the important part. You’re still right here with him, holding his hand. He made it to bows. Everything is going to be okay. In sharing this eye contact with him, you can’t help but reflect on how pretty he looks in the blue cast of the stage lights as he looks at you that way that makes your stomach twist. 

The curtains begin to draw closed, and you all wave at the audience until they’re out of sight. Sporadic cheers are let out around you as hugs are initiated here and there, and everyone begins flooding to the dressing rooms to get changed. As you make your way to the back, Ashlyn already leading everyone in a very loud, high energy reprise of We’re All in This Together, you squeeze Ricky’s arm. When he looks at you, he seems to be doing exactly as well as you’d expect - okay for now, the massive high from the end of the show keeping him afloat for now, but you know it won’t last forever. 

“I’m gonna go get changed real quick, I’ll say hi to my mom then we can go home, okay?” you say quietly, and he can tell from your tone of voice that you’re here for him, he just needs to hang in there a little longer. 

“Okay,” he says with a shaky breath. He doesn’t really need to get changed since he has his street clothes on under his tracksuit, so after hanging it up in its place, he waits in the hall outside the dressing rooms. A few minutes later, everyone who got changed the fastest are in the halls and on the stairs outside the dressing rooms, talking and congratulating each other before they go to the lobby. There's a silent understanding that you're all waiting just a few more minutes before you have to leave, before you have to acknowledge that the show is over. Big Red runs over to Ricky as soon as he spots him. 

“Are you okay, dude?” he asks quietly, clearly worried about him. Ricky lets out a breathy laugh. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” Ricky realizes how stressed he must be, having no idea of anything that was going on until half way through the show. "There’s a lot to fill you in on." Ricky nods his head, and they move to a more secluded area so Ricky can begin catching him up. He goes over the series of events from earlier tonight quickly, trying not to get worked up over all of it again. Soon he's wrapping up his summary of the horrible things that happened in such a short span of time, and his eyes are much less misty than he was worried they'd be. 

"Oh. My. God." Red states, laughing in disbelief that his mother would do something like that. 

"Yeah." Ricky nods, still in shock. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, dude," Red says tentatively, "but that does sound like something she would do; the guilt tripping, mind games, all of it." Ricky can't help but agree. In retrospect, Red does remember her using a lot of language that read as passive aggressive or guilt  tripping. There’s no way they could have picked up on that as kids, but hindsight is 20/20. Ricky loses Red's attention real quick as Ashlyn walks toward her friends, no longer loitering outside the dressing room she shares with you and Nini - and soon, Gina. She holds up a piece of paper from the mystery bouquet she'd been inspecting more closely. 

“We found a card!” she says excitedly. Ricky nudges Red, encouraging him to tell Ashlyn that he was the one to send the flowers. He looks at Ricky, nervous, and gets an encouraging nod. Big Red takes a breath, steadying himself, then stands up and walks towards Ashlyn. 

"Actually…" he starts. He doesn't need to say anything else, watching the realization hit. They walk a few feet away, talking animatedly and seeming to have a good time. More people start to filter out to see their friends and family, and as they dissipate, he realizes he still hasn't seen you since you went to change. He spots Kourtney passing by a few feet away and runs over to her. 

"Hey, uh," he starts carefully. He knows Kourtney hasn't been too fond of him for a while. "Do you know where Nini is?" He knows where Gina and Ashlyn are, and he really just wants to grab you and get out of here without even more drama. Kourtney sucks her teeth, considering how to respond for a moment. She could say something, she always has something to say when it comes to Ricky, but she knows tonight was hard on him. She doesn't know the details, but she's sure the last thing she'd want in his position is more animosity. 

"The scout left, and she's taking it hard. I think she's with her moms, but I don't know for sure." He waits a beat, realizing there's no other shoe that's going to drop, no glares or snarky comments.

"Thanks," he says quietly, before making his way to your dressing room. You're probably just having trouble getting everything back in your bag. He thought you had way over packed when you showed him the huge tote bag you got ready for tech week, but by the end, every 'just in case you had brought had been needed more than once. You really know your way around a theater, he thinks. 

When you first enter your dressing room, all you want to do is get changed and get out. Ashlyn talks a little - mostly to herself - about how excited she is for the next show. You reply as politely as possible, doing everything you can to avoid Nina, ignore her as much as you can. You just have to get changed and get out. You have bigger issues to deal with, bigger fish to fry than to chew her out for what she did back there. 

"Yeah," she replies, a faux chipper tone to her voice "hopefully we won't have as many last minute cast changes tomorrow night," you pause, gripping the empty plastic hanger so hard your knuckles turn white. "But who knows, right?" 

You've tried your best, you really have, but you can't take her bullshit anymore. The hanger snaps in your hands with a loud crack. Ashlyn's eyes widen in surprise, and now out of costume, she makes her way to the door. 

"I'll give you two a minute…"

The cacophony of voices get louder for a moment as she opens the door to leave, then it's quiet again. You turn away from her to tug on your shoes, praying to god she'll just leave it alone, let you get out of here quietly. 

"Sorry," her voice is dripping with a passive aggressive ignorance that grates on your ears. "Did you have something to say to me?" Before she can scoff and drop a yeah, that's what I thought, you turn, looking over your shoulder at her with a stone cold glare. When you speak, your voice is so deadly, so sharp she feels like she's been stung. 

"Count yourself fucking lucky that I don't have time to hang around right now, but I swear to god, Nina, if you pull shit like that again-"

"Wh-" she sputters, "excuse me? Pull what? Including Ricky, and helping him?"

"You think you were helping him?" You repeat, turning to face her. You roll your eyes scoffing. "Wow." She starts to say something, but you cut her off. 

"Look, I don't know why you're here, but some of us actually take this seriously. This actually means something- this matters to some people, and nobody needs you turning it into a little three ring Nina circus, and ruining it for the people who actually want to be here!" Your voice rises as you continue, driving your point home, and refusing to let her interrupt you. By the time you’re done, her mouth is hanging open.

“I don’t care what you do in your free time,” you continue decisively, “I really don’t, but don’t ruin everything for the people who actually give a fuck!” you say, a humorless laugh at the end. You don’t know who’s been coddling her up until now, but you are sure as hell are not going to let someone get away with a stunt like that. It’s clear from her reaction that no one has ever spoken to her like this, and you think it’s long overdue. “That was the most unprofessional load of bullshit I have ever fucking seen! And I’ve been around the rodeo a few times.” 

Nina blinks hard, fighting tears prickling the corners of her eyes. She feels like she’s just been slapped. Her? Unprofessional? Wow. You’re really reaching now. She’s the most professional person at this whole school, she just… She freezes as it hits her in a split second of clarity, that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. She broke the cardinal rules of theatre; she broke character, went into the audience, broke the immersion. She ruined opening night. You can see the moment of lucidity where she realizes she’s in the wrong, and it’s gone just as fast. 

“You’re one to talk about being a professional.” She spits. You look at her incredulously. Once again you have no idea where she’s going with this. When you don’t react, don’t instantly get it, she continues. 

“You had a Broadway career handed to you on a silver platter, and you threw it away!” she searches your face for shock that she figured out your secret, continuing, “And for what, so you could slum it at some midwestern high school full of amateurs?” 

You figured it was a matter of time before someone found out you’ve done professional theatre before, so if she’s waiting for a reaction from you, she’s not going to get one. The only reason you didn’t tell anyone, the only reason you kept quiet about it is because you didn’t want to come across as cocky or seem like you were bragging. Plus, with how hard things got towards the end, you don’t really want to go around and dig up memories from that time in your life. Besides, you’re not in New York right now, you’re at East High. You’re here with all your friends, finally getting a little piece of normalcy. You’re exactly where you want to be, so why would you waste it living in the past?

Before you can answer, she continues.

“The point is, you need to stay away from Ricky and stop lying to him. Okay?” she demands. Her voice is muffled through the door, but right outside, Ricky hears her loud and clear. He didn’t hear you two before, but now the halls and dressing rooms are mostly empty.

Is she still seriously going on about that? You let out a breath, trying to regain your composure. 

“I really do not have the time to keep having the same conversation with you over and over - or explain to you that you can’t tell people who they can and can’t date!” you exclaim. You’re about to drop it, but there’s one more thing you need to get off your chest. “And for the fucking record, you don’t know jack shit about what else was going on in my life when I left New York. And I don’t owe you an explanation either.” you say coldly. You’ve said your peace, the only thing you need to do is fucking get out of here and find Ricky. 

“I can’t believe I actually used to look up to you!” she exclaims. “Look. It was cute, or whatever, at first, but this little game of yours has gone on for long enough. He’s mine. Now can you leave him alone, please?” she demands. She’s dripping that passive aggression you’re really starting to get sick of. You look at her in the mirror, illuminated with lights. 

“Seriously? You seriously want to do this right now.” You say, exhausted. She either doesn’t hear you or pretends not to as she continues.

“I knew him first! I dated him first, I kissed him first. Everything he’s done with you, he did with me first.” she states. She doesn’t know how else to get it into your head that she was his first everything, and you’re just a rebound or something. What they have isn’t something you can just get over like that.

“You weren’t… every first, Nini.” You both look over at Ricky, and you wonder how long he’s been standing in the doorway, how much he heard. 

“Ricky… what?” she whips around at the sound of his voice. He stares back at her, teary eyed and serious. 

“You weren’t every first.” he repeats. You both look at him in disbelief. Nina furrows her brow. She can’t believe he’s disrespecting their relationship like this. You stare at him, thinking back, reanalyzing your memories. He can’t be saying what you think he’s saying. There’s no way you were his first time. That couldn’t have been his first time. There’s no way that Ricky Bowen was a virgin before he showed up at your house that night, there’s no way that you took his virginity. ‘Oh god, I did, didn’t I?’ you think, remembering the way he looked at you, how nervous and desperate he was. Heat floods to your cheeks. You have no idea what to do with this information.

“How could you say that?” she demands. She was his first crush, his first kiss, his first date, girlfriend, heartbreak. She was all of it. 

“Because it’s true!” he exclaims. “The only first I care about, the only first that matters, is right there.” he gestures to you. 

Oh yeah, no, you definitely did take his virginity. You did not expect this, much less that it would make you feel so… tender? Flattered? Warm and fuzzy maybe? You hold back a flustered laugh. Whatever warm thing it is, you’re sure feeling a lot of it. You stare at the ground, cheeks hot, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you process this in the back of your mind. The majority of your attention is still on Ricky. You’ve been so worried, but he seems okay, which is a huge relief. He catches your eye, and your stomach twists. He’s looking at you like that again, and you’re sure you must be looking at him the same way. Anyone could see it. You snap back to attention, remembering Nina is still in the room with you. 

“We should get going-” you start quietly, reaching for your bag.

“Stay out of this!” she snaps, and you recoil at the sudden sharpness to her voice. “This is between Ricky and me.”  She turns to him, continuing, “And we are not done talking about this.” 

“Don’t talk to her like that.” He says quickly, more defensive of you after what happened earlier. He walks over to you, standing in between you and her. “Anything you have to say to me, you can say it in front of her.” Even though his voice wavers with emotion for a moment, Nina can tell he’s not backing down on this. She weighs her options. 

“Okay.” she starts, sucking her teeth. “I think she’s manipulating you.”

He lets out a breathy laugh with a bitter edge. He rolls his eyes, looking away for a second.

“That’s… hilarious, coming from you…” he mutters. 

“What? She’s been lying to you this whole time! She’s been doing professional theatre for years, Ricky, she-”

“That’s what this is about?” He realizes. “Oh my god, I already knew that!” he yells. Relief floods him as it clicks that all the bullshit she’s been spewing is nothing he didn’t know about already. She really was just trying to get into his head. “She’s not manipulating me, Nini, she’s there for me! There’s a difference! She actually cares about me - unlike you, and Lynne, and everybody else.” 

“That’s not fair-”

“She’s actually there for me, and she doesn’t just bail when shit gets hard. Not like you’d know anything about that.” he says the last part quieter, but she still hears it. She doesn’t have a comeback, she doesn’t have anything she can say to that. 

“I don’t have to listen to this.” She grabs her bag, brushing past him. Before she leaves, he turns to her, finally saying something he never thought he’d be able to. 

“I’m starting to think I wasn’t the problem in our relationship.” 

She freezes, turning to him slowly, eyes glistening.

“What?”

“You heard me.” he states. 

“You know what?” There’s nothing she can say, no comeback, no way to defend herself. She lets a single tear fall. “Screw you, Ricky.” She leaves quickly, huffing at what he said. He turns to you, still staring at where she left in disbelief. You exhale for what feels like the first time since this confrontation began, then immediately turn your attention back to Ricky. You’re grabbing your stuff as quickly as you can, desperate to finally get out of here, laughing nervously. 

“I can’t believe this night keeps getting worse. Look, we can just go home, we don’t have to go to Denny’s or anything if you don’t want to, I just want to make sure you’re okay, because obviously a lot of-” 

“I love you.” 

It tears from his throat with more raw emotion than you’ve ever heard, stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes widen as his hands come up to hold your face. He wants to kiss you so badly, more than he’s wanted anything, and you can feel it. He keeps going.

“I love you so much, I wanted to say it before. I’ve wanted to say it since that first amazing night we spent together. Ever since you snuck me into your room, and we talked and watched old episodes of cartoons, and you took me in when I needed you, I have loved you. And then you got those little plastic rings when we were running late for rehearsal, because we stopped for coffee and peach scones, and- and we traded colors, I felt like my heart was going to explode.” 

His thumbs caress your cheeks, and it makes you light headed. 

“I wanted to say it when we were dancing at homecoming and you were so beautiful I thought I’d die, I wanted to say it every time we kissed, and every time you laugh so hard your nose scrunches up, I wanted to say it. You made me fall in love with theatre, and this beautiful place, and with you. You love everyone around you so selflessly,” his voice breaks, “please, let me love you. The way you deserve to be loved. Even if you don’t want to say it back-” 

“I love you too.” You can’t help interrupting him, unable to ignore how true they are any longer. He’s stopped dead in his tracks. “I would have said something sooner, but the last thing I wanted was for you to feel pressured, so I… figured I’d follow your lead.” The room is quiet as he tries to get the air back in his lungs. 

“You love me?” he breathes.

“Yeah,” you confirm, nodding, “I do.” 

He takes one look at you, holding you intensely in his gaze, confirming that you really just said that. In one swift motion, he pulls you close to him, dipping you, and finally connects his lips to yours. He kisses you more passionately than anything he’s ever done. He kisses the air out of your lungs, kisses away the little space between you, desperately kissing everything he feels for you onto your lips. You lose yourself for a beautiful moment in that kiss. You’re not sure how long you stay like that, holding each other as close as you can get, with kissing as the only means of expressing the depths of your feelings, but it’s long enough that your lungs burn when you finally pull away. He barely moves his face away from yours as you attempt in sync to catch your breath. 

“Say it again,” he murmurs against your lips. 

“I love you,” you say, soft and sincere, that beautiful smile on your lips where his ache to be again. He reacts instantly to your words, picking you up, and kissing you again and again. You wrap your legs around his waist, giggling in surprise. He sets you on the table in front of the big dressing room mirror where Ashlyn’s character shoes still sit. The mental note to make sure she doesn’t forget them flies out of your mind as Ricky kisses you again and again, mouth open against yours. His lips are all over your face and your neck, turning you into a giggling mess as he holds you tight. He mutters sweet nothings against your skin that turn sensual very quick, but mostly he keeps telling you how much he loves you between kisses, mumbling the three words into your skin over and over. 

“Ricky…” you trail off as he bites your neck playfully, causing you to let out a flustered noise. “We have to go upstairs…” you start to forget what you were saying as he runs his tongue over your skin. “Our parents are waiting!” you laugh, desperately holding onto the train of thought. 

“Let them wait…” he murmurs, “You said we could kiss after the show, and… it’s after.” The flustered look on your face is too much for him, and he presses his lips to yours again, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You feel so good, your skin is so soft and you smell so sweet, and it’s all so much more now that he’s said it, now that you said it back to him. He squeezes your thigh and bites your lip and moans into your mouth, loving every noise you make, every tug of his hair and grab of his shirt. He’s so desperate for you and your touch, he would fuck you right here if he could. He considers it for a moment. 

After eavesdropping too long for her own good, Nina feels a solitary tear roll down her cheek. Ricky’s words ring in her ears. He loves you. He didn’t just say it back, he initiated it. She didn’t stick around too long, just enough for it to hurt. She reaches into her bag, pulling out her songwriting book. She’s sure this will give her plenty to write about, she thinks bitterly. She could probably get a whole album out of it. ‘At least then the pain would be worth something…’ she muses, taking one last look over her shoulder before leaving the dressing rooms - and Ricky - out of her sight.

Eventually, you and Ricky manage to drag yourselves upstairs and greet people in the lobby. Mike finds him quickly, pulling him aside to check on him. He looks back over at you, accepting flowers from your mom and pulling her in for a hug. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m okay.” He doesn’t look away from you, and Mike doesn’t miss this. His son is a lot of wonderful things, but he sure wouldn’t describe him as subtle. Ricky watches you as a girl in a pink dress walks up nervously to you with who he presumes is her sister. He’s too far away to hear your conversation over the chatter from people milling about, but your face lights up after she speaks. You pull a hot pink sharpie out of your bag and sign her playbill before handing it back to her. The sight makes his chest squeeze. He didn’t know you were good with kids, but it makes total sense - you’re good with everybody. 

Mike nudges him toward you.

“Go ahead,” he smiles, so Ricky does. 

“Hey,” he starts, pausing when a woman walks up to him, a little girl hiding behind her leg, looking up at Ricky in admiration. 

“Excuse me,” the woman says, getting his attention. “You were fantastic. She really loves High School Musical, and we wanted to know if you’d sign her playbill…” 

The girl looks up at him nervously, and he smiles, letting out a flustered chuckle. He didn’t expect this, he doesn’t even have a pen - but luckily as always you’re right behind him, extending a sharpie his way. 

“Yeah,” he smiles, “sure, of course!” He scribbles his name across the front before handing it back. “What was your favorite part?” he asks. She considers. 

“We’re All in This Together.” she decides, singing out the song title. 

“No way, that’s my favorite song too!” The way her face lights up is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. She jumps excitedly that someone as cool as Troy Bolton has the same favorite song as her before hiding behind her mom’s legs again. The mom thanks him again before picking up her daughter. Ricky turns to you, not even needing to say anything. 

“I know,” you smile, “it’s the best, right?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It is.” Your eyes light up that way they do when you remember something, and you reach into your bag. You pull out Ashlyn’s character shoes - thank god you remembered to bring them out with you - and gesture down the hall to where Ashlyn is talking to some of her friends that came to see the show. 

“I’m gonna give these back to Ashlyn, and I’ll meet you and our parents by the doors in like, two seconds.” He agrees, and you part ways. 

“Thank you!” Ashlyn gasps when you hand her the shoes. “I was looking everywhere for these.” 

She pauses, remembering how tense things got between you and Nini earlier before she left. 

“Was everything okay with…” she trails off, jogging your memory. 

“Oh,” you start, a little unsure of how to answer. “Yeah. Everything’s fine now.” You look off to the side, and she follows your gaze to Ricky. He’s talking to his dad and seems to be doing a lot better now, and you seem to be doing better too. 

As you make your way down the hall and across the lobby you’re stopped by a woman you don’t recognize, but she seems to know you, addressing you by name as she introduces herself. 

“I’m Kalyani Patel, the dean of the Youth Actors Conservatory in Denver. I’ve been following your career for some time, and I have to say, I’m very impressed. You’re incredibly talented and have a lot of notable credits for someone as young as you are. We have one more available place available for the upcoming semester, and we would be thrilled for you to attend.” 

“Thank you so much, Kalyani. I’ve heard a lot about Youth Actors Conservatory, and I’m so honored by your offer, but I’m not planning on switching schools at the moment.” You say as graciously as you can. 

“Of course, I understand.” She smiles. 

“Thank you again for the opportunity, and I hope we can work together in the future.” You smile back, saying goodbye, and making your way over to Ricky and your parents. 

After returning to the dressing rooms to write sad song lyrics and watch herself cry in the mirror, when Nina finally finds her moms in the lobby, she has a piece of good news for once.

“The dean of YAC!” she exclaims. 

“I thought they were full, sweetie.” Carol says. She and Dana had gotten a rejection letter addressed to Nini a few days ago, and were trying to find the right time to break the news. 

“She said a spot opened up,” she beams, “which means I’m going to YAC!” 

Her moms hug her, congratulating her on the good news, and that they’d discuss it in detail at home. Nina looks over to where you and Ricky are standing. He holds your hands in his while you talk quietly. You have no idea that soon she’ll be out of here, and you’ll never see her again. She was on the fence, but after what he said to you, she’s made up her mind. She’s leaving this town, and going somewhere that she’ll be appreciated, somewhere she’s wanted. If that happens to be a boarding school in Colorado, then so be it. ‘Take a good look’, she thinks, ‘because that’s the last you’ll ever see of Nini Salazar-Roberts.’ 

 After more mingling, congratulations, flowers, and playbill signing, you turn to Ricky.

“You ready to go home?” you ask, walking toward your car. He stops, turning to look at you. 

“You know what? No.” he lets out a breathy laugh. “I don’t want to go home. I… want to go to Denny’s! I’m a theatre kid, and I just finished my first show, and it’s like, tradition to go to Denny’s, so I want to!” You smile at his sudden enthusiasm, laughter matching his. 

“Yeah, okay,” you smile, “let’s go!” 

You both walk over to your castmates, who are trying to figure out a carpool to get everyone there before it gets any later. You nudge Ricky.

“So, does anyone need a ride to Denny’s, or should we just meet you there?” he asks. For what feels like the millionth time, everyone erupts into cheers. You know all your friends were worried about him after what happened, and Seb instigates a group hug, that everyone quickly jumps on to. You think it’s important to end the night on a good note like this, spending time with your castmates, cramming into booths and singing obnoxiously in an empty restaurant. It’s sort of a rite of passage, and you’re glad that Ricky’s able to participate, especially after opening night of his first show. 

You sleep over at his place that night. After everything Ricky’s been through, after he seems to finally be okay again, the last thing Mike wants to do is not let him spend time with someone he’s so close to - especially considering what a good influence Mike thinks you are on him. From what Ricky told him, you didn’t instigate any drama tonight, and spent every spare moment off stage trying to help Ricky through what was going on. It’s not the first time you’ve helped Ricky navigate the ups and downs of growing up in the time you’ve known him, so when Ricky asked if you could stay the night, he agreed. While you’re brushing your teeth, Mike pulls Ricky aside to talk. 

“I spoke to Nini’s moms,” he starts, and Ricky braces himself. “They’re going to talk to her, and I said I’d talk to you to make sure these last shows go smoothly, alright? So, no more fights, no arguing, no more of this… reality tv stuff.” 

“Believe me,” Ricky sighs, “I don’t want any more drama. Especially at the expense of the show.” 

“I know,” Mike agrees. “So just… it’s only a few more shows. Try your best to…” he looks for the words.

“Politely avoid each other?” Ricky supplements.

“Exactly.” Mike nods. “Just politely avoid each other for a few more days, and all this will blow over.” 

When he finally reenters his room, he hands you a t shirt to wear. He knows you probably brought pajamas, but he wants to tell you he loves you in as many ways as he can, like wearing his clothes. When you come back in and sit on his bed in his big shirt and your little shorts, he doesn’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful. 

“Do you want to talk about anything?” you ask tentatively. 

“Not really,” he chuckles. “I feel like I’ve kind of talked it all to death by now.”

“You know what we haven’t talked about?” you ask, a look in your eye that immediately has his attention. “How Nina and EJ - but like, mostly Nina - ruined the finale of the show.” 

“Yeah,” he starts, remembering how stunned he was. “What the fuck was that?” 

You talk shit until you have nothing else to say about it, and soon you’re curled up under the covers together. You’re laughing and talking, and things almost feel normal again. It’s like every bad thing never happened tonight. He doesn’t know how you do it, how you make things feel so okay again, but he holds you tight, clinging onto the feeling. He was going to say it earlier, but he was so distracted by you, by how beautiful you are. 

“I love you.” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He feels you smile against his chest. 

“I love you too, Ricky.” 

You sound so content, so comfortable with him, and he feels like his heart is going to burst. 

“I love you,” he says again, running his fingers along your waist. 

“I love you too,” you giggle sleepily. Every time you think he’s asleep, he says it again, and again, and again. He can’t help himself, he loves the way you blush and giggle, loves how warm you are against him, loves the way you say it back to him. It’s quiet for a little while, but you feel his hands still tracing little shapes into your skin. You glance up at him to find him staring at you  in that way that makes your stomach twist. 

“Close your eyes,” you mutter, drowsy. 

“But I love you.” he replies quietly, and you can hear the smile in his voice. “I love looking at you. I love everything about you.” 

“I love you too,” you answer groggily, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt better than he does when you say it like that. “But we have a full day of school in the morning, then homework, then another show to perform in, so we have to get at least a little sleep.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, eyes growing heavy as the day catches up to him. “As long as we have time for coffee and peach scones.”

“There is literally always time for coffee and peach scones.” he chuckles at how quickly you respond. You lean up, pressing a kiss to his nose, then snuggle back into his chest. It’s his favorite time of day again, he realizes, where he gets to sleep next to you, and kiss, and cuddle. Except this time, it’s better than it ever has been, because right before you fall asleep, he gets to say it.

“I love you.” he breathes, kissing your forehead.

“‘Love you too.” you mutter, barely awake. Your words reverberate and replay in his mind as he closes his eyes, finally drifting off. He doesn’t know how the next shows are going to go, he doesn't know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about what will happen when the sun rises,  he’s just excited for it to happen with you. He sleeps better than he has in a long time. 

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

Random Risk E. Rat Notes before I go scrolling my dash at last

-The gang all singing together in the opening, I am kissing them on the lips

-The timing of that opening felt off though, the pacing/timing of the whole episode felt a little off.

-Dennis vaguely mentioning the noises in there, no I am not gonna blow this out of proportion and daydream overstimulation scenarios, I'm not, I'm not (that's a lie).

-Kinda dog-coded Frank again with the water, can't wait to read the essays on that.

-I find it really interesting they decided to team up Dee and Frank once again this season, though I'm too tired to formulate thoughts on why, I just... it's interesting. There's something there... something.

-Charden kicking the wall together, they're so stupid (affectionate) <3

-You can do whatever you want, the parents not around, I wonder if Mac's parents would just like dump him there so they wouldn't have to deal with him for the day and he'd end up in that timeout room a lot because he was angry, he needed a way to let out his anger... the fake gun he wanted to get with the tickets, oh guns again this season, I've got thoughts now for another post, don't mind me, very unrelated.

-I find it interesting the different levels of awareness, how they're all still stuck in the past because it's what they always knew, but on some level can understand why things had to change, especially when confronted with something they recognize as bad that say Frank still doesn't, yet they still cling to it because that's how it's been done, tradition, legacy, they don't actually want what what was there, the punishment? the guilt? even the rat boobs, but they want to cling on to it because they fear change, because if it changed, that means it was wrong, like how it changed from Frank's day, and then they have to face that their childhood memories of this one safe haven were not all roses, so they try to force the past back into the present to prove it was better then... and things go horribly wrong, because some things are better left in the past... seen through rose coloured glasses, but what happens when they do come to the surface, when they see it in new context, just like the whole show lately slowly becoming more tragic in hindsight with each passing detail. This episode reminds me of Big Mo in a way.

-Partly on that above note, for real, Charlie and Dennis sound so unenthusiastic/uninterested in those rat boobs, like an ace and a gay man looking at them just because they think they should, they think that's how it's supposed to be.

-Mac in the feelings room saying he's angry, and he feels misunderstood, unheard, just in this instance or in general, throughout? (Unheard, as he's not supposed to speak.) Misunderstood as our perception of him and his actions this season may not be as it seems. I also find it interesting he's separated from the gang again... And he still feels the need to be punished and feel shameful... maybe he thinks he doesn't deserve that relationship with Donald or Dennis, or... idk, just... much to think about. That theme of denial... needing to deny and look back to cope. To believe his parents still loved him, feeling guilty and being punished is what kids are supposed to go through and he’s not allergic to nuts and Dennis isn’t Johnny. (Also, off topic, Mac with his lil juice box, adorable.)

-Sending Dennis to the Feelings Centre immediately btw

-"I don't 100% understand what satire means." Dee, voice of Reddit today.

-In my mind, Dennis took the ear plugs :) noise sensitive dennis real to me

[cassiopeialake]

ok after thinking about it a bit here’s my pitch for an abbott/sunny crossover since that seems to be what we’re in for

Title: New Uniforms

Logline: After Abbott's new uniforms are misprinted, Melissa is forced to call in one of her shadiest connections - but it may end up costing her more than she bargained for.

Outline:

- the school gets new uniforms for the kids but there's a misprint and the shirts say "ABBORT" (tbh the whole pitch is based around this. i just find it very funny. i hope they do smth with abbort elementary at some point)

- they scramble to find a solution but the district won't give them more money. they need someone with an embroidery machine who'll let them use it for free

- melissa knows a guy who's into some real shady stuff, he used to run a sweatshop in vietnam. probably has a couple machines still lying around.

- she and janine (and maybe a few others idk) set up a meeting with the gang. however unbeknownst to them the gang kidnaps them (mac thought this was a kidnapping/squeezing the teachers for money kinda deal. dee: you idiot, they're teachers they have no money!)

- they're "interrogated" for a bit

- it's revealed that mac and charlie went to liberty elementary (the rival school) and they gain some respect for the abbott teachers bc "those abbott kids were tough, man! took a few more punches than it usually does to knock them down!"

- frank appears and they get to negotiations. he'll fix the mistake for them, but there's a catch

- the gang (specifically dennis) wants the leftovers from the seventh graders frog dissections. the teachers are grossed out so he clarifies it's "not sexual" and the teachers are like...well those frogs were just gonna go in the trash anyways...

- the deal is made and the gang starts working on the shirts, we get a cameo from sewing charlie ofc

- however when the teachers come back in a week to check in on the finished product we realize that they "fixed" the spelling mistake by removing the extra B and spelling "ABORT ELEMENTARY"

- something something plot happens to make them fix it (melissa has dirt on frank that she threatens or something idk. she dangles a frog in front of a salivating dennis)

- at the end they go back one final time to pick up the finally correctly spelled shirts

- we find out that mr johnson knows charlie through the janitorial network, they compare rat bashing sticks, etc.

And that’s the episode (or at least the A plot)! I missed a few of the teachers and how they would interact with the various characters but i think that wouldn't be too hard to put in at the end or just add more characters in the scene where they first meet. like ava for sure needs to go toe-to-toe with the gang

but yeah that’s the pitch - tbh i’m quite proud of this only because i feel like it’s pretty realistic, like i wouldn’t want an over the top crossover with the characters fully intersecting lives or even sets, i feel like the idea of skimming into this underbelly of philly but then immediately getting out suits the tone of abbott better. i think also this should work for anyone who hasn’t heard of sunny before or isn’t familiar with the characters.

[sharpbutsoft]

Here to interrupt your editing (take breaks, you deserve them):

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Appreciate the interruption as always (and also the fact that, weirdly, procrastinating answering this ask gave me a boost of editing energy)

🌈 I mean, I’d like to say my steddie big band fic Road To Nowhere, however I was on here whinging for the entire 8 month process so idk how much of a secret it was lol.

There’s also the time loop fic I’m currently working on/despairing about as I’m certain its just riddled with plot holes but every time I try to edit it I start getting confused

🧿 I have a pretty active social life irl so where possible I like to post right before I’m heading out. Can’t obsessively check Ao3 if I’m out in the pub with friends, and it’s a great way to remind myself that whole fandom culture is fun, it’s not everything.

Of course, at the end of the day I’m only human and I crave that sweet sweet validation so I will do things like resharing links to my work just in case people missed it the first time.

💌 Okay so even though I complained about it earlier, I am definitely most excited right now about my Buddie time loop fic!

As I said, it needs some work, but here’s an excerpt from one of the loops (and sorry again to everyone who originally followed be for steddie/st. Thanks for sticking around on the detour :)

“Okay, something happened,” Hen says to Buck after watching him mope around for the first hours of their shift. It’s not even a question. He’s pale, dull eyed, and listless. Exhaustion radiates from him in waves, and before he can even reply she’s checking his forehead with the back of her hand. “No temperature.”

Buck batts her away, scrubs at his face and smiles thinly at her. It doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“I know you wouldn’t lie to me, Buckley,” she says, cocking a brow like she does when Denny takes an extra cookie from the jar and lies about it. Or when Karen does the same. No wonder they’re always running out. “What’s up?”

Buck looks around, uncharacteristically paranoid, and once he seems satisfied they won’t be overheard, he speaks.

“Do you ever feel like everything’s pointless? Like no matter what you do you’re just going to keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again?”

So, that’s not what Hen expected. At all.

“Is this about Abby?” She knows Buck’s been down ever since she left, is convinced they're on a break and that any day now she’s going to come back and resume things.

“No.” Buck cocks his head to the side like it hadn’t even occurred to him. Maybe he’s even further in denial than she’d thought. “Maybe? But I don’t think so.”

“You know, it’s not uncommon to experience feelings of depression and despair on the job right? The LAFD has people you can talk to, might help some?

“I don’t know if a therapist can help me with this.”

Writer Asks

[morallygreyvigilante67]

idk if you're in the lis fandom, but amberpricefield for 002?

You're in luck! I am, in fact, in the Life is Strange fandom.

When I started shipping them:

I watched a few different let's plays of the first game, and then I promptly fell down a rabbit hole of fanfics. Needless to say, there's some really good ones for these three.

My thoughts:

Chaos trio (quite literally), I love them so much.

What makes me happy about them:

One thing I like about Amberpricefield, is that none of them are perfect. They're all deeply flawed in their own way individually and it's so interesting to see how that kind of influences their dynamic. Their relationship isn't perfect, because they're not perfect but that's what makes it so good. Because, at the end of the day, they're still awkward teenagers.

Any of the individual pairings involved here feels like a pretty realistic take on how a lot of relationships at this stage in a person's life would play out, which is honestly kind of refreshing.

What makes me sad about them:

Canonically, their relationship never had a chance (at least, as far as the game goes, because I've only recently learned about the comics and I haven't had the chance to check them out yet).

Rachel dies before she ever has the chance to meet Max, and if you chose to save Arcadia Bay at the end of the game? Chloe also dies. Depending on your choices, only one or two sides of the ship ever get the chance to thrive (and even then, one of them doesn't last).

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

I haven't read any Amberpricefield fics in a while so I can't really remember much that might've annoyed me.

Things I look for in fanfic:

"Canon is dead, we shot it behind a Denny's."

Amberpricefield quite literally can't exist without some serious canon-fuckery. The storm doesn't happen, Rachel never died (whether that was Max's doing or not), Jefferson wasn't a complete psycho, etc...anything that means the three of them actually get a chance to at least meet.

As I've said before, hurt/comfort sustains me and all three of them need it, badly.

Also, while I don't actively look for them, I do enjoy the occasional "no powers" AU.

My Wishlist:

I remember there being a lot of canon-divergence fics for them, but it would be nice to see more fics exploring the aftermath.

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

For me, Max is very shippable, but if I had to pick one? Kate. Marshfield, while not my favourite ship, is pretty cute and one I could see working out.

The other two are a bit harder because the first game kind of already established that they had something and my memory of the other games in the series is kind of hazy.

Probably Steph for both of them actually? I don't know, this one's kind of difficult.

My happily ever after for them:

As previously stated, canon never happened. They all meet, grow close. They get out of Arcadia Bay together and maybe travel a bit before settling down near a beach somewhere.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

what do you think the outcome of the sperm donor arc will be??

isn't that the million dollar question Nonnie!!

I think ultimately it will end 'happily' but I think tis gonna be a journey to get there.

My feelings are that we're going to see Buck grapple with the whole Donor not Dad thing - especially in the aftermath of his latest near death experience - I wouldn't be surprised to see him trying a bit too hard to be involved in the pregnancy and how Kameron is doing because he's going to be battling some demons and we know what Buck is like - hes all in in normal circumstances but he goes even harder when its something/someone he really cares about. I really feel like this near death experience is going to make him think about what he wants and his mark on the world etc - take stock of everything and make him question and rethink his initial thinking that he could be donor not dad.

Now whether or not he and C&K will come to some understanding about his role in things going forward or if it will be a case of walking away with no further contact remains to be seen. I can see both options happening, especially when we add the Denny and his Biological father into the mix because they are two similar storylines that are likely to have opposite outcomes . Buck learning to accept a role of some description in the childs life, but from a safe distance, or we'll see Buck walk away - choose to make a clean break and have no contact with them (I can see some sort of falling out between Buck and Conor - idk why but I just get the vibes - that the scene when Conor came to Bucks loft felt like a set up for something bigger than just Buck agreeing to be a donor). Which one we get will very much depend on if we see Dennys father have some form of relapse back into addiction, or if he is still an upstanding citizen!

Whichever way it goes I know we'll be closing it out with it being Bucks decision and one that he's at peace with, because this season is all about Buck learning to be at ease with himself - we've known that since episode 1 - which he needs to be in order for Buddie to happen, its the next chess piece to be manouvered into place!

[cringefaildiaz]

Concept that’s been floating around in my brain since I saw the guest cast:

Kameron & Connor involved in the disaster, baby survives but they don’t and Buck ends up with baby. Thoughts?

Honestly I don't see it happening for a few reasons, but that's not to say I wouldn't be down for it if it DID happen.

For one, this season has focused a lot on striking the balance between biological and non-biological family—we had Buck and Chim reconciling with their parents for their own well-being (or at least Chim; still not entirely sure what the resolution with Buck and his parents is) but at the same time, we had a whole episode really cementing Bobby in his role as Buck's chosen father figure. We've had Henren and their struggle with Denny's bio dad, ultimately culminating in them standing their ground as Denny's parents, but allowing Denny to explore that relationship because it's what he needs. With all that in mind, I think it would be a little bit off-theme for Buck to get Kameron and Connor's kid just because they died; they've really made it clear that Buck doesn't see this kid as his, and with the baby being very much theirs, I don't think the baby going to Buck makes much sense. Surely he would go to their next of kin, right? Unless of course there's something in 6x17 with Kameron where it's made clear that they've chosen Buck in the event of their deaths which would be a wild thing to do, but maybe also an interesting exploration of Eddie's will? Idk, seems like it'd be a lot to cram into 2 episodes, what with everything else going on. And then Buck would have a baby. Which would also be a lot for the show to deal with going forward. (don’t get me wrong, I want to get that man a baby asap. but im not sure the writers would agree with me)

The other thing is that it just feels....really dark for 911. Like orphaning a baby? Taking the opportunity to raise him away from the parents who wanted him so badly? I mean, lord knows there's been some dark plot lines on the show but ending the season on that would be....whew.

I do kind of love the idea that the pile up that causes the bridge collapse includes civilians that we've met over the course of this season. I saw someone else mention the disaster could start at the end of 6x17 and Marisol could be involved, and that's why she's in both episodes. Marisol (who's house Buck helped fix up) causes or is the first person injured in the pile up, injuring Chim (Buck's soon-to-be brother-in-law), Natalia (Buck's....girlfriend, maybe? Too soon to say), and Connor and Kameron (old friend and woman carrying a baby with his genetic material). Battle over his priorities ensues (save Kameron and the baby who's got half his DNA but leave them without Connor? Save his chosen family and the love of his sister's life? But if he does one or both he can't save his hot new death obsessed love interest? I mean, also exceptionally dark, but could turn out okay maybe? Idk, I'm very intrigued though.

send me your spec for the last two episodes of s6 (but don't be weird)

[sunnykeysmash]

reposting a thread i did on twt under the cut cuz I think I kinda was onto something and the recent reveal of charlie n frank no longer sharing a bed only further confirms it to me but idk

losing my entire mind thinking of them possibly expanding on the hole meta in s16. the moment i hear anyone say "hole" im gonna yell at the screen

my prediction is that we're gonna get to know more about mac's hole. because it was only mentioned while dennis was away but... i do think it's always there, like it is for dennis. especially now that catholicism has let mac down, i wonder if he'll feel it more

and that's why he's looking for boyfriends/a partner. like how dennis gets with girls. it's an attempt to fill that hole. but he's never gonna get another rocket launcher, it'll just be like the dennis doll. it's not about sex for mac. it can't fill him

and i say this because im assuming we may talk about mac's dance due to frank taking back that "i get it". or im hoping, maybe. it's no coincidence that mac and dennis both aren't aware of the lowest point/vulnerability of each other. tends bar big feelings and mfhp dance.

because if they knew........ if they knew about each other's hole... the emptiness that the other feels when they're missing or far, the facade that they BOTH hold up of being strong (mac) and unemotional (dennis). if they could see behind that two way mirror

if they could see each other they'd see themselves. their own experiences, mirrored, and they'd understand

they'd see the storm, and they'd see the hole they need to fit into and it would show them who they both truly are. and that's the tragic beauty of their codependence. they're lost and blind without each other, they don't know who they are, and they can't save themselves

and they can only see themselves in the way the other sees them. dennis is only the golden god insofar as mac worships him. mac can only be the protector insofar as dennis believes him to be. im sure mac believes hes ugly because dennis let him think that's what he sees -

and if mac were to ever turn dennis down, he would literally crumble. because dennis TRULY doesn't know who he is outside of the way he's perceived. that's all he has. to turn him down means to plunge him into complete darkness

I think we can only get mac and dennis together as long as they have another hole outside of this. something each other really can't fix. for dennis it's obviously his son in ND. I feel like for mac, it could be his father.

not only does it rhyme like poetry (charlie n frank act like a couple, mac and dennis act like dennis is the father and mac is the son. and yes theres transcripts for this), but if frank takes back his "i get it", that opens back up that second hole for mac in a way dennis cannot-

fix, just like mac can't fix the ND situation, mac will never have a supportive father, no matter how much dennis could be there for him, because that's just not their roles. and you know. that's representative of life you know. you'll never truly be full,

even when you got something good like mac and dennis do, it can't fix the rest, and that's why it's allowed to stay and exist for the characters. it doesn't matter if macdennis happens, it doesn't ruin the foundation of the show, because it doesn't give the characters fulfillment

I also feel like mac and dennis are gonna get a pull out couch (like that inflatable one ig! but I don't know if the inflatable one specifically will stay lol) like frank and charlie have (*HAD), because I feel like frank and charlie are gonna start sleeping in separate rooms (NOTE: I WROTE THIS BEFORE THE ARTICLE CONFIRMED IT)

due to, you know, them switching dynamic. as I mentioned, since they got each other's right now. altho I was a bit simplistic in it, because I feel like mac is acting as a surrogate father for dennis as well, trying to fill that. it's equal for each other.

I don't wanna be corny and say "they're in the wrong holes" but that's like, what it is. even with the crate thing, something frank used to do. when mac presents the real one and it's full, he's stepping into shoes that shouldn't be his, trying to fix a trauma he cannot possibly (it's like throwing soup in someone's face instead of eating it... they're filling the relationship wrong due to all of their trauma)

and I guess getting them back into the proper dynamics (father and son for frank n charlie, couple for mac and dennis) is the first step towards some sort of healing, at least. I mean... that gets into much more on its own like, what counts as healing...

to that I say... this

they can't change the past, and they can't fix everything in their lives, but they can have a second chance at it. FUCK i love this show and its complex writing. no one understands. the GENIUS of it. anyways...

this last post applies to charfrank as much as macden btw i just mean like. when you have trauma and you feel empty you won't always know the right way to build something new with someone. it will warp everything. but now they can hopefully start

also, IMPORTANT, i was thinking abt gets romantic and i realized another crucial piece of this puzzle because. charlie n frank were paired with a father and son duo, but their story was about love. mac and dennis were paired with a couple, but their story was about a dead son -

you see where I'm getting with this? charlie and frank's story is a story about love involving a father and son, while dennis and mac's is a story about fathers and sons involving a couple

"it gets way straighter, I promise" in the sense that it's not really ABOUT them being a couple, at its core. like yes, they Are a couple, but that wasn't the point of it. and if people can't see that they're a couple they're also missing the BIGGER point of it

but it still all plays into the fact that they are a couple so that's a crucial part of it and very important... that's their second chance. that's the twist

but it may just be that way right now because the dynamics between mac n dennis and charlie n frank have been inverted with each other for so long.