#i need someone to reassure me more often than like the average person but i don’t wanna put myself in a venerable position

[giveme-allofthat-ultraviolence]

Yk when you get so bored you start thinking about how sometimes guys can loose interest if their partner is being too clingy

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Yuu Needs a Hug 1

SUMMARY: What their comforting hugs are like when you're feeling sad or under the weather? And how would they behave if you started crying in their arms?

CHARACTERS: Heartslabyul (Riddle, Ace; Deuce; Cater; Trey); Savanaclaw (Leona; Jack; Ruggie) & Octavinelle (Azul; Jade; Floyd)

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader; Comfort; Bullet Points; In a Relationship

WORD COUNT: An average of 280 words per character.

COMMENTS: When I feel a little sad and under the weather, I often imagine these things to help me fall asleep. I thought you might like them too. 😘

Yuu Needs a Hug 2 (Scarabia / Pomefiore / Ignihyde / Diasomnia)

CONTEXT: They are already in a relationship with you.

All of Riddle’s hugs happen in private, and comfort hugs are far from the exception.

If he is in his dorm uniform, a very characteristic hug from him is using the cape to cover you like a blanket and as a sign of protection. With his left arm around you.

His most common hugs are the ones where he hugs you with one arm while continuing his duties with the other, like homework, or some dorm-related paperwork. And with the hand that hugs you, absently caressing your back or head.

If you are really feeling very under the blue, he will occasionally kiss your forehead.

He's not the type to hug you tight. His arms will generally be very relaxed and loose around you, as if resting. For someone who is always so uptight and strict, that means a lot.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, then yes, all his attention goes to you immediately and his hug tightens. One arm around your waist and the other on your head, encouraging you to cry all you need on his shoulder.

He will be extremely understanding and act calmly as he knows, and shows you, that it is a normal thing and that he knows it will pass, that you will be fine because he will always be there for you. He himself knows from experience how crying can do a person good, and you were always there for him at those times.

And when you feel better, he will wipe your tears with his handkerchief (I'm sure he carries one somewhere in his clothes) and kiss your forehead with a sweet and reassuring smile.

Ace will gladly give you all the hugs you want. But he will always tease you saying that he wants something in return for every hug. But if you're really sad, he'll say he was joking.

If you really want hugs to make you feel better you'll have to ask in private, because in public he only gives you those more relaxed and playful hugs.

He can give you hugs standing up, but the ones he likes most are the ones when you're both lying on the couch. He likes to have you on top of him with your head against his chest and both of his arms around you, or to lie on his side between you and the back of the couch with one hand supporting his head and the other arm on top of you.

His main strategy to make you feel better is to talk about things that distract you. Generally silly things to tease you or make you laugh.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he will panic a little and try to find out if it was something he said. After that, he will stop the jokes and hug you tighter and kiss your forehead.

He will be quieter than usual until your crying stops and only then will he return to his normal self.

Deuce will be slightly awkward at first. This is most likely the first time someone has asked him for a hug as a form of comfort. And since he doesn't have much experience with hugs either, he's afraid of messing it up.

He will start by hugging you standing up. You will feel his arms feel more comfortable around you as you explain to him that there is no way he could do that wrong. There is no therapeutic technique, he just needs to act as he feels he should.

If you are on the couch you will be sitting side by side. Your head on his shoulder, one of his arms around you, and the other he always not knowing what to do with it.

It will take a long time for him to have confidence in his comforting hugs because he knows that he is not the type of person who knows how to comfort others, much less physically. But he will always try his best for you.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he will panic a little and, if he only had one arm around you, he'll quickly put the other one around you too. And he will hug you like you are in danger.

Maybe you will calm down by trying to calm him down and you'll both end up laughing about it.

Cater is the #best hugger! And as he is a person who likes to show affection, it doesn't matter if you two are alone or in public, he will give you all the hugs you need regardless.

Get ready for him to talk in that cute little voice like someone talking to a child. Not that he sees you as one, but he likes to talk and act cute.

And that's why his comfort hugs are also very cute, like someone hugging a teddy bear. He also gives you lots of kisses on your forehead and cheeks while hugging you.

Although he speaks in a cute way, he doesn't do it in a way that seems like he's minimizing your feelings, but rather in a way that tries to show that everything will be okay, that whatever it is will pass.

He can do this whether the two of you are standing together or if you are sitting on a couch. But in this last option, he will be so close to you that the most comfortable way for you to sit together is with you on his lap.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he won't change the way he's acting, as if knowing he was doing everything right and you crying was a good sign and an important part of you feeling better in the end.

When your crying calms down or stops, he will smile at you, wipe the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs and say phrases like "Are you feeling better?" and "Everything will be okay."

In the case of hugging you to make you feel better, Trey has no problem doing it in public if you need to. And he also reacts to your request as naturally as he would if you asked him to make you a sweet dessert.

You might even be surprised by how naturally he hugs you and the way he rubs his hands comfortingly on your back, if you didn't remember that he has younger siblings and probably has some experience comforting them.

He smiles and laughs softly the whole time, as if he finds your attitude cute.

He can do this standing up or, if you are sitting on a couch, sitting next to you. But only if you are alone will he let you sit on his lap.

The relaxed way he comforts you is almost parental, it must be that older brother side of him.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he may become a little more serious, but he will always act calmly and comes across as having everything under control. One of his hands will also come from your back to the back of your head.

Once your crying calms down or even stops, he will wipe your tears either with a handkerchief he has or with his own blazer or shirt. He will smile at you, showing that everything is fine and ask if you would like one of his sweets to make you feel better.

Leona cares so much about being seen hugging you publicly that the botanical garden became your spot to take naps together as unbothered as a lion in the middle of savannah. He always wants you to be his pillow, whether it's your thighs or your chest. BUT showing genuine affection is only in private.

He had already noticed that you were sadder than usual, but you were the one who had to ask him for a hug, he was too proud to offer you one non-ironically.

He will open his arms and smile smugly, but he won't be the one to initiate the hug. If you want it, you have to take it.

But as soon as you do, he'll wrap you in a surprisingly affectionate hug. If you're lying down like when he takes a nap with you, his hands will encourage you to come closer and lay your head on his chest. You've just discovered the only way you can reverse your usual roles.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he will remain calm and surprise you again. He'll start giving you soft kisses on your face and forehead, the equivalent of when felines lick each other's ears as a show of affection.

His tranquility can be contagious, especially because the calm beat of his heart is a reassuring sound.

Only when he is sure that your crying has stopped and you are better will he speak again: *sigh* “You just give me work, herbivore. I just hope you at least thank me in some way.”

Jack only hugs you in private! And if he ever does it in public, it's because he somehow forgot that you were in public and will quickly break the hug.

He is the complete opposite in private, after all he can be like a puppy: extremely affectionate if he feels comfortable with you. So it was always very common for you to cuddle on the couch.

His comforting hug ends up not being much different from usual, perhaps just less enthusiastic and more delicate. He likes having you in his arms, but he likes having his face close to yours more.

If you're sitting, he won't have any problem letting you sit on his lap and lay your head on his shoulder. He won't take his arms from around you, nor stop kissing your forehead and cheeks softly and affectionately. All his attention is on you, and his main purpose at that moment is to dedicate himself to you.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he will hug you tighter and the small and calm kisses will turn into love attacks on your face. Do you know when service dogs jump at their owner when they are having a panic attack, for example? It's something like that he's doing, without fully realizing it. Ok, maybe just not as intensely as service dogs do, but with a lot of affection.

This gesture will most likely make you laugh and start telling him you're okay so he can calm down. Which will make you calm yourself down as a result.

Ruggie doesn't really care if you're in public or not, he'll hug you regardless. And there's the bonus that when he hugs you in public, it's like marking territory and warning others.

He loves being cute and affectionate with you because he loves you being cute and affectionate with him back. He often does for you what he knows you would do for him. And a comforting hug is no different.

He will always tease with you a little at the beginning. "Aww, you want one of my special hugs? That’s so cute. But remember they are expensive, okay? You have to reward me later as a thanks.” He says this in a good mood that tries to put you at ease.

He will open his arms for you to hug him first and he will hold you in his embrace. He will be smiling playfully the whole time because he thinks it's funny how you can be so cute. And he will kiss your forehead with that same smile.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, his smile will fade. It was too serious for him to treat you with humor. He will tighten the hug and start saying sweet, soothing things in your ear like: "hey, don't worry. I'm sure everything will be fine."

When your crying calms down or even stops, he will smile at you again and say that it all made him hungry. What if you two went to eat something? Maybe, just maybe, he'll share some of his food with you if it's something you really like. But DO NOT get used to it!

ONLY when you are alone, in the VIP Room, Azul likes it when you sit on his lap while he does the Mostro Lounge’s paperwork. It's a healthy balance between the stress of business and the pleasure of having you in his arms.

The only two exceptions to the rule that he doesn't like others seeing you two like this are Jade and Floyd. Why? Because he likes to brag to them about having you all to himself. ("By all means, cry about it.")

He will hug you like he always does when you two are in the VIP Room. One arm around your waist, surprisingly firm, and the other on the papers. His attention is divided between reading and signing the contracts and turning to give you sweet kisses on your face and/or, if you allow it, on your neck.

If he feels you hugging him in a more clingy way than usual, he will comment in a soft voice: “You know, if I could be in my merman form, I'd let my tentacles do the paperwork and give you all the attention of my arms. The inconvenience of having two legs. No offense of course.” If this can get even a little giggle out of you, he'll be very happy.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, his right hand will immediately let go of the pen and join his left in hugging you. He hugs you so tight it's like you're trapped in his loving embrace. He is worried about you, but he does everything he can to not not show himself too worried.

“Just never forget that if there is anything I can do, you can ask. Anything. I will solve any problem for you... just for you...”

When your crying calms down or even stops, he will wipe your tears with a handkerchief and give you a pack of tissues. And when you're better, he'll give you one of his most tender kisses on your cheek.

Jade doesn't like to draw attention, he prefers to observe others than to be observed. That's why his hugs are private, especially those comfort ones that you are asking for.

“You know you can open up to me whenever you need to, but keep doing it only when we're alone, okay? You never know who might be watching you looking for a weakne- I mean, a sensitive moment to use against you, my love.”

He's not much of a hugger in general, so all of his hugs end up being special. And since you're alone, he has no problem having you sit on his lap if you want.

His arms and hands are premeditatedly affectionate and attentive to you, as if he knew exactly how you liked to be hugged at that specific moment and he fulfilled these requirements to the letter. If there's one thing he knows how to do in a frighteningly perfect way, it's how to study and please others. And you are his biggest study interest.

Whatever you wanted him to do, he will know and do it. The way you want him to hug you, whether you want kisses or not, and how you want them.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, you will feel him, in a way, disappointed. With you or with himself, you don't know. “What is the mater? Did I not predict your desires correctly? It seems like I still have a lot to learn about you. How exciting.” He will kiss your forehead and let you cry on his shoulder.

He'll probably compare your crying to Azul's, making fun of him in that passive-aggressive way he does, and end up making you laugh.

When your crying calms down or even stops, he'll help clean your face and suggest that you two go to the Mostro Lounge, where he can prepare your favorite dish to make you feel better if you want. For free? Hmm... he can think about it.

Floyd can be VERY clingy. He loves to hug you, especially in public. Whether he’s in a good mood or not. Which means that, as he hugs you a lot, he also has many different types of hugs.

The vast majority of her hugs are to satisfy him, but they end up satisfying you too. Don't worry, he never squeezed you. He jokes that he will do it, but never actually does.

No matter what mood he's in, he never refuses to give you a comforting hug. For 3 main reasons: 1st  an Octavinelle student never refuses someone's request for help. 2nd He thinks you're so absolutely cute asking him for a hug! It even makes him smile if he's in a bad mood. And 3rd You always give him the hugs he needs, it's only fair (even in terms of a deal) that he does the same for you.

He'll hug you, but he'll do what he wants in the meantime. Playing with your hair, resting his head on yours, swinging his legs if you are sitting down. And if you are, he will make you sit on his lap, it’s easier and more comfortable to hug you like this. He will probably also say silly things to pass the time or try to make you laugh.

If you happen to be so depressed to the point of crying, he will immediately shut up and if he was swinging his legs he will immediately stop too. He will straighten up, even if your head is resting on his chest. “You'll wash my clothes if you get them dirty, right Koebi-chan~?” He says this while stroking your head.

Even though he likes to provoke others, he has a perfect sense of limits, he just tends to ignore them most of the time. But it's different with you and that situation too.

When your crying stops, he will make you look at him, as if to check that the crying has stopped. If he confirms it, he will smile at you: "Is it over yet? YAY~! Can we make something fun now?”

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[leonw4nter]

Hellooo, may I request reader dating a Spiderman! Leon (I'm such as a sucker for re2 Leon and the thought of him as spiderman) hcs??? He thinks he does a good enough job covering up his superhero identity, but unfortunately for him reader had that figured out for quite a while. He's not as sneaky/careful as he thinks he is hehe

So If You Need A Hero, Just Look In The Mirror!

[Spiderman!RE2!Leon x GN!Reader]

Leon has long been Spiderman before he decided to date you, hiding this aspect of him when he was courting you to let him be your boyfriend. He felt guilty that he had to hide his masked persona from you but he knows that it’s for the best in order to keep everyone close to him safe. An ordinary 21 year-old officer in blues by day, a web-shooting hero swinging from the buildings of Raccoon City by night.

You know that Spiderman exists and you admire him, doodling his mask on the corners of blank papers when the day is slow and idle; what you don’t know is that your boyfriend is Spiderman. Yet even without that knowledge, you consider yourself incredibly lucky to have someone so gentle and kind like he is; not everyone has a boyfriend that is patient and slow to anger.

You both would schedule dates and Leon’s schedule is free when all of a sudden, he has to go somewhere and reschedule the date. He would always appear sheepish and regretful when he had to break the news to you, especially when you were so eager to try out the dishes at the restaurant you two had reserved. You asked about it and he always responded with “it’s complicated” in a bashful and silent voice so you thought that it had something to do with a difficult family situation or a tough work environment. He usually didn’t share about them and you didn’t prod for more information, offering comfort and reassurance instead yet you still wondered what disrupts his evenings like this. You were confused about this habit but not overly suspicious.

You noticed that Leon would frequently come home with small cuts and bruises to the face, arms, hands, and torso.

“Leon, what are they making you do at work?! Why do you always come home battered in bruises?!” You exclaim as you look at the cut in the high point of Leon’s cheek, light pink and still bleeding slightly. His face is on your palms, tilted to the side as you try to get a better look at his injuries.

“You know how crime is now, they’re getting more violent,” Leon explains as he tries to ease your worries. “A few delinquents got me but I’m still in one piece.”

“But still!” You reasoned as worry creased your forehead. “Aren’t there other officers with you too?”

“Yes there are and they’re just as injured as I am,” he responds. He really wants to give you the honest explanation of his wounds– the fact that they’re from fighting crime as a hero named after an arachnid and not because of a rough encounter with some petty criminals– but he can’t; it’ll put you in harm’s way. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I didn’t graduate at the top of my academy for nothing, did I?”

You sigh and nod, but not before you look Leon sternly in the eyes with a pout. “But that doesn’t mean you’re totally invincible, Leon.”

He smiles, listening to you scold him on and on while you dab ointment on his wounds.

Leon often catches things as they fall mid-air and reacts faster than the average person, which both his partner and coworkers notice. The station attributes the replacement of the old bookshelf due to his sharp senses, having informed the station that they had to find a new one to take its place. Leon simply heard a tiny, faint creak of one of the planks holding up dense files which meant that about any time now, if they didn’t take any action, it would collapse and cause a mess. He always explained it with him having a sharp sense of hearing and being agile but in reality, it’s because of his heightened senses that he developed after the bite.

Whenever the news of Spiderman comes in the news, he’s always ready to drop whatever he was doing and see himself on the TV by footage of people who've seen him with the mask and suit. He watches intently, worried that his identity would be leaked and even a single frame of his face would be identified even if he makes sure that his mask always stays on. You chalk up his keen fascination with the hero as admiration and being a fan-boy, chuckling at the sight of seeing his boyfriend look so serious as he watches the friendly neighbourhood hero save the day once again.

You went home early one day, pleased that your boss decided to close up hours ahead of your usual closing time. When you got home, the house was dark save for the small beam of light peeking through the gaps at the bottom of the storage closet’s door. Interested, you walked close and heard some thudding and heavy breathing coming from the closed door. You swiftly turn the knob and walk in to see Leon standing half naked in his boxer shorts and a red something bunched out behind him on the floor. New bruises and scratches adorned his muscular torso, yet to be cleaned and tended to by your boyfriend in front of you.

“Leon?!” You bellowed. “What the fuck were you doing?!”

His hands come up to cover the bruises, looking at you with a terrified expression as a flush blooms in his cheeks and chest.

“Listen, I can explain–”

“Are you cheating on me?! Is that a girl’s dress behind you–”

“No, sweetheart, please– I’m not cheating on you or anything like that! You know I’d never do that to you–”

“I’m giving you 3 minutes to talk, Kennedy. Start. Now.”

Leon fumbles around, trying to find something– anything– to cover up with but he gives up, nearly bare as he tries to survive the crushing pressure of the situation. He starts off by picking up the red something you eyed earlier, holding it out properly so you can truly see that it is not a dress but a bodysuit with details resembling webs.

“I’m… I’m Spiderman.”

“I have a mental facility on speed dial–”

“No!” He turns his wrist to face skyward and shoots a web that aimed for your phone, snatching it out of your grasp. Your cellphone is now in his hand. “Is that enough proof or do I also need to lay eggs like a spider does so you’ll believe me.”

“No!” Now it’s your turn to explain, swatting him on the shoulder as you take the phone back. “Fine, fine. I believe you. But I did have the idea that you’re him for a long time now.”

The color from Leon’s face drained again, heart threatening to burst inside his chest.

“How… how…” he quietly asked as he tried to inspect your expression, trying to name an emotion based on your face.

“I mean… when you’re suddenly gone in the evening when we go on dates, you say you’re going to the RPD but you don’t rush home to get your bag with your permit and badges and stuff. When I get home and you’re still gone, it’s just sitting at the foot of your bed. You also always smell like something burnt or maybe rusty, which you don’t normally smell like when you get home from work. And don’t get me started on your injuries– they’re way too much for a police officer who apprehends petty criminals from time to time.”

The blond is at a loss for words, mouth bobbing up and down but with no words coming out.

“You look like a fish,” you comment. He blinks to ground himself and tries to calm down.

“I thought I did a good job at hiding it,” he softly mutters.

“For a while, I thought you were cheating on me and then I thought you were some gruesome murderer or something.”

“What?! No!” He exclaims, his hands waving to dismiss the idea. “Cheat?! Murder?! No, I’d never!”

“Good. So… you really are Spiderman.”

“Yeah… kind of relieved that this is out now, though I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

You displayed some coldness towards your boyfriend for a little bit, letting him know that hiding things from you isn’t good and that he should’ve been open but you cut him some slack, acknowledging that he did it for your well-being and that it’s also hard on his part too because the weight of his double life can be crushingly heavy.

Leon’s become more comfortable, sometimes cracking a spider-related joke or two with you. Of course, he made you swear that you’ll be the only one to know who Spiderman really is and you promised– for the safety of everyone involved with Leon. Now with this information, sometimes you buy little spider-related trinkets or some Spiderman merchandise that stores sell to fluster him.

He’s decided to take it upon himself to teach you some self-defense moves in case a villain decides to use you to their evil plans in order to taunt Leon, a situation both of you hope will never happen.

One day, you asked Leon to wear the suit for you in your shared apartment. After locking all doors and shutting all blinds, he walks out of the storage closet he keeps his costume in and appears in front of you. He poses first and climbs to the ceiling, hanging upside down as he looks at you. Feeling a little daring that day, you ask if you can lift his mask up to the bridge of his nose and place a careful kiss on his lips as he’s still upside down, planning to ask you if you two can have upside down kisses more often after this one.

NOTE - Hi y'all! I'm back again (for now mwahaha) :D Thank you to graveyardgrrrrrl for requesting, hope you like this one 🤩 I'm so happy that I got to finish one request already, this one has been marinating in my doc for about a month now so I hope the wait is worth it! Thankful to the 4 hour free period I have to be able to cook this up >:) I've been up to a lot of things-- adjusting to a new school with a system different from my old school (I already lost aura multiple times...) and reading so I've been quite busy as I tried to come up with ideas for fics. I hope everyone's doing well, you got this and I believe in you :)) Anyway, that's all and thank you for reading my fics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <333333333333 UUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The blue web divider is made by @adornedwithlight , the images are from Pinterest.

[atinystraynstay]

Double Take - Lee Chan

Synopsis: Dino was convinced dating was just swiping on a dating app, going out for a diner, and maybe getting further than that before being ghosted. It was just the perils of dating as a young adult. There was just something different about you though.

Pairing: Non-idol!Lee Chan x fem. reader

Genre: "her first everything" girl meets the "first nothing" boy

Inspired by @aaniag - thanks for tagging me in this post ♡

First Encounters Mini Series: #1: #2: #3: #4: Wonwoo #5: Jeonghan #6: #7: #8: Dino

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: does contain descriptions of anxiety - please make sure you are taking care of your mind, body, and soul. If you ever need someone to vent to, my DMs are always a safe space 🩷

Dating in your 20s is not as glamorous as they make it seem in the movies. First dates sometimes flourished into second dates but quickly fizzled out. Or it sometimes was someone you were interested in that just turned into a one night stand.

While sure, there times that Dino wished he had a more solid connection with someone. But he was in no rush to settle down and get married.

Going to college helped Dino not only helped him find his passions in life but also found confidence in himself.

Maybe that was one positive to come out of dating apps? It made Dino feel good when he could swipe on someone and it was an instant match. He hated the moments where he would swipe on someone he found attractive, but would be stuck waiting to see if there was a mutual attractive. And sometimes, he would forget about who he swiped on because there would no ping indicating they swiped on him.

He never thought of himself as the most attractive guy. Honestly, he thought was more average than anything else.

But the moment he found himself in the bed of someone, he felt more reassured in himself. The more that people wanted him, attempted to gain his attention, he felt better about who he was as a person. I mean, college is all about self growth anyways, right? Dino's learning just happened beyond the classroom.

"Trying to find another date?" Seungkwan teased. "More like he's trying to find someone to fuck since he's getting lonely at night," Jeonghan added in.

There were times Dino regretted signing a lease with Seungkwan and Jeonghan. This was one of those times. The two of them thought fondly of their younger roommate, so they often lurked over his shoulder.

"Oh! She's cute," Seungkwan commented.

Hearing his friend, his head turned and narrowed his eyes at the culprit. He suddenly moved his phone close to his chest to gain some sort of privacy. But that was a big ask in this house especially with how close the three friends were. Jeonghan, being the menace he is, moved his hand around to move the phone away from Dino's chest which caused Dino to jump.

"Can I never have anything to myself?" he whined. "She's normally not your type, but maybe we could use a change?" "We?!" Dino gasped.

The two guys laughed before they moved away from the younger boy to go elsewhere in the apartment. Now alone, Dino did take a moment to look at your pictures closer. There were a few photos just of you. He found himself smiling at the way your eyes nearly closed when you were smiling wide. You also had a few pictures with friends at different events.

His thumb then pushed upwards on his phone screen, so he could look deeper into your profile. I have to know who she is.

The first thing he noticed was your name, 'Y/n," he murmured under his breath. It rolled off this tongue so eloquently. He also noticed that you were only 2 miles away from him.

Part of him wanted to stop and just swipe. There was always an element of mystery that came to first dates. Dino's favorite part was when he got to ask questions, got to learn about the other person. Yet, there was something urging him to keep going. After all, looking over your profile could give good talking points.

What sold the deal was your bio - "looking to experience something new 👀"

Intrigued, Dino swiped right on your account. And automatically, fire emojis skyrocketed from the bottom of the app and covered the screen. It's a match! was written across the screen as it brought up your profile with the ability to message you now available.

His fingers typed at lightning speed. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face at the presented opportunity to get to know you.

"I've never done this before. Wanna grab dinner tonight?"

You were at home, binging the reunion of Love Is Blind with your roommates. It was a lazy Saturday afternoon which of course required getting snacks from the grocery store, doing face masks, and a bottle of wine. All of your phones were placed on the table to minimize distractions

While all your roommates and you had different schedules, binging reality TV seemed to be the way you were able to come together. Everyone's eyes were watching the confrontation between two of the contestants when suddenly all eyes shifted to the coffee table once someone's phone lit up.

Specifically, your phone.

"Oh my god, guys! Y/n matched with someone on Tinder," one of your roommates called out. "And they messaged her."

And just like that, Love is Blind was forgotten about. Your third roommate reached for the Amazon Fire Stick remote to pause the Netflix show. All eyes then flickered from the coffee table and you. Never before had you been glad for a face mask to cover your face to hide your rouging cheeks, knowing that will only result in further teasing.

"Relax, you hyenas," you called out. It was as if they were holding their breaths until you read the message.

You typed in your password since your Face ID was not able to recognizing your face with the sheet mask on. The extra stop practically caused your roommates to shake with anticipation. You couldn't deny. You shared the same excitement, as you have decided this year, you were intentionally investing more in dating.

It's not like you had chosen before to not date. It was just something that settled on the back burner. You had always hoped to meet someone more organically, like at the coffee shop or on public transportation. Something out of a Hallmark movie. But that's not how reality worked. When you did meet someone, it was always overwhelmingly flirty which made you instantly retreat from the situation.

Yet, you couldn't deny the happiness you saw from your own friends and roommates when it came to their dating life. Oddly, even if it were a bad date, you wanted to feel the rush of getting ready for someone. You knew that in order to date that would require you putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. Your own saving grace was knowing your morales and not falling victim to social pressures.

Even if it meant not matching with many people because you wanted to take things slow, you would be content as you search for your perfect person.

Dino sent you a message

And maybe that was Dino.

There was no denying the smile that curled onto your lips at the name. You found the name adoring, peaking your interest. Your clicked on the message to read it.

"I've never done this before. Wanna grab dinner tonight?"

Your eyes widened which caused your roommates to lean in closer. The two right by your side let out a gasp, as the other two were practically going to pounce on you. However, you were too preoccupied with looking through his profile.

It took everything within you to maintain your composure, even if you wanted to squeal and kick your feet at the potential date. There were a few photos taken when he's been out to dinner. One in particular that caught your eye was him in a black tee shirt with a silver chain around his neck. Hello big arms! He had a softer face with a sharp jawline. Something about him seemed so friendly, making you even more willing to take the leap of faith.

"Come on, y/n," your one roommate begged. "We want to take a peak on tonight's bachelor."

You rolled your eyes before giving in and showed them his profile. One by one, your phone was passed around. Yet, after each person, there was a wide smile which indicated a sign of approval from your roommates. They knew that it took someone special for you to say yes, but it seemed like Dino had unlocked it just by sending a simple message.

"So what's the verdict, y/n? Are you extending a rose to Dino?"

What can you say? You guys really do love reality TV shows.

Without responding, your fingers went to work on the keypad of the app.

"Yeah, that sounds great! What's your favorite type of food? You can pick the restaurant as long as you meet me there at 7pm."

6:55pm

Dino had a routine when it came to first dates. Of course, he would shower first. He then would pick out an outfit that looked good but also one that was comfortable. Sometimes, after sitting for a while, he disliked the way certain jeans felt and he didn't want to be too squirmy in the chair across from his date. But he didn't want to dress too casually that might give the impression he was putting in little effort into this date.

For tonight, he opted for a pair of baggy jeans, a white t-shirt, and a tri-color cardigan. It was approaching that time of year when it might be a bit warm when the sun comes out, but gets a bit chilly still when the sun sets. Plus, he suggested going to a Mexican restaurant in between the two of you, so he knew while it might be a laid back setting, that he still looked presentable.

He had driven to the restaurant, since taking public transportation would take a bit too long especially since the restaurant was not even 20 minutes away. It was still light out too, but he knew when it was dark, he also had the opportunity to drive you home in the event you opted not to drive.

With his wallet and keys in his pockets, he approached the front entrance of the restaurant. It was a bit crowded for a Sunday night, but honestly, Dino didn't mind either way. He was admittedly excited that he was going to go out with you. Before leaving, Jeonghan and Seungkwan hyped him up and warned "she seems like a good girl, don't scare her."

There, indeed, was something different about you. Dino just couldn't put a finger on it, but that also made this date exciting. He's never had this level of interest in someone before.

As he approached, he noticed you were standing up front waiting for him. He couldn't help but smile at the gesture but also pick up his pace, not wanting you to be left waiting for long. Your thumb double-tapped your home screen, showing the time. Your noticeably let out a sigh before picking up your head. With a slight turn of your head, you made direct eye contact with him.

Dino couldn't help but notice the way your shoulders relaxed. Was she nervous? That's adorable. He wouldn't be rude and comment on it. He was just meeting you after all, and he wouldn't be so mean to embarrass you. Talk about a bad first impression.

"Hey y/n," he said as he approached you. "And you must be Dino," you smiled.

Gosh, her voice sounds angelic.

He never knew of someone who's voice matched so well to who they are as a person, but that wasn't the case with you. You were dressed so elegantly. Nothing too outlandish - just a pair of jeans and a rainbow colored sweater that looked light enough to be worn in any type of climate. You looked cute and breathtaking at the same time. A real life angel.

"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting," Dino apologized.

He reached behind you to open the front door, nodding his head for you to step in first. Your cheeks flushed quickly which caused Dino to smile brighter. "Thank you," you said before walking in. Dino let you take a few steps ahead of him before he joined in behind you. He kept a respectful distance, so you didn't feel uncomfortable but enough to indicate to any patron you two were together.

"Hi! I called earlier for dinner for two? The name is under Lee Chan."

The hostess nodded before looking down at the booklet, her finger acting as if it was guided to her name. Once she spotted his name, she grabbed the sharpie and crossed it out. She then proceeded to grab two menus before turning towards the two of you. "If you will follow me."

You glanced behind him with a wider smile this time. "You made reservations?" "Of course! I wanted to play it on the safe side."

It was such a tiny gesture but one that surely made your heart flutter. You never knew of anyone calling this particular restaurant for reservations, let alone anyone make reservations for the two of you. Knowing that Dino had been that thoughtful made you feel special. That had to be a tell-tale sign of the type of person he was. It just reassured you that this indeed was a good decision, even if it was spur of the moment.

You two were led to a booth along the wall. You were able to people watch if you desired, one of your favorite things to do. But it also offered enough privacy for the two of you to really get to know each other.

"M'lady," Dino said jokingly.

And he's funny! You giggled before accepting the menu from him. Being a bit nervous, you did look over the menu online before the date. You weren't trying to put too much weight on this date and all that it could potentially lead to. However, you still wanted things to go well.

"So? I gotta ask, is your name Dino or Chan? Or is there some secret third option?"

Dino couldn't help but laugh at your question. It was a fair question, and he knew that he would have to provide some context eventually. Lowering his menu, he wanted to be able to make eye contact with you. He didn't want to be rude!

"So, my full name is Lee Chan, but my friends call me Dino." "Dino," you said to yourself, smiling. "Why do they call you that?"

He smiled fondly at the memory of how he gained his nickname.

The menu was fully resting on the table, not only because he had made his dinner selection but because ehe was now fully invested in the conversation with you.

On the receiving end, the attention was a bit overwhelming. You were not so accustom to someone you were interested in making such direct eye contact with you. It only intensified the butterflies you felt in your tummy by his conscious choice of body language.

Yet, it wasn't something Dino just knew to be good manners. Plus, after one date when he looked all over the restaurant instead of just focusing on his date, he learned that's one way how you don't secure a second date.

"Well, believe it or not, y/n, I was a shy guy. Especially when I first was starting college? I could barely say hi without feeling nervous. But I guess as I experienced what it means to be in college, put myself out there, I started to gain more and more confidence. Eventually, my friends started to notice and said I was like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park, just bursting into the room and getting everyone's attention with my loud energy."

You nodded gently as you listened to him, smiling. You wanted him to keep talking to you, about himself. It helped take some of the pressure off of yourself, but you also were genuinely interested in Dino.

"Well, it is a very fitting nickname. Cute, I like it." "Cute like me?" Dino winked.

Immediately, your cheeks turned bright red as you tried hiding behind your menu. Dino couldn't help but chuckle more which only made you want to sink further into the booth, to hide. Was it a pitiful laugh or did he find it attractive?

God, what have I gotten myself into?

The waitress was your saving grace. You didn't have to come to some lame excuse or be subject to Dino's line of questioning quite yet. The waitress also coming around to take your order allowed the blood to subside from your cheeks. You wanted to try to be this cool and mysterious, to leave a good first impression. But honestly? You felt like a fish out of water. This was a brand new experience for you, and you were beginning to think you were too over your head.

Were you even ready to date? How does one even know if they are ready or need more time?

Once your orders were placed, Dino and you handed your menus to the waitress before she left you two alone. Here we go.

"So, y/n, tell me about yourself," Dino asked before taking a sip out of his water.

Okay! An easy question! Perfect.

You sat up a bit straighter in the booth, becoming a bit self conscious of your posture. At least from everything you've heard and seen about dates, even the tiniest things can make or break the date.

You told Dino about how you recently graduated college in the winter. Recently, you took the leap to move the city as your job was switching from remote to a hybrid model. You also needed the change of scenery, which has helped you want to put more roots down in the city.

Dino was impressed with your sheer perseverance. It's never easy to say goodbye to what you now and venture into the unknown, but you proved it was possible.

"Wow, that's really incredible. Good for you, y/n. I moved here with two of my best friends, so I cannot not imagine just making such a big move. Do you live alone?" "Oh no, I have like 5 roommates in our three floor apartment. It really helps." "So like a little family?" "Definitely feels like that sometimes," you laughed.

Truly, you held your roommates close to your heart. Not only did things work out for a good living situation, but they were the first friends you made in the city. They helped you through the homesickness you felt by letting you openly talk about life back home, or push for you to cook some of your favorite meals for them to try.

They also were big supporters in your venturing into dating. They offered many tips into how to date safely and allowed you to ask questions without judgement. They also were clearly very excited you took a chance of Dino rather than running in the opposite direction.

"So is that why you're on the dating apps? If you don't mind me asking, do you find yourself ready to date in a new palce?"

Well, he was half-right.

"Yeah, I think I'm ready to finally open myself up in that way. Moving and getting used to my surroundings really took a large chunk of my time." "No, that's completely understand. I've come to learn you need to be satisfied with yourself and other aspects of your life before being vulnerable with someone else because someone can really shake things up." "Well, for better and for worse."

He smiled at your optimism before nodding in agreement.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, when was your last relationship? It sounds like you have some past experience."

Dino couldn't help but chuckle. It wasn't really at the question himself, but the experiences he has had with dating were a bit comical. You frowned a bit, worrying that you asked the same question. He quickly stopped though to offer a gentle smile.

"Sorry, it's not you. Some memories of past dates came flooding in," he explained.

Well, that's more than I have, so you couldn't wait to hear them. Maybe they were just as funny as some are on the sitcoms you liked to rewatch?

Yet, you couldn't help but wonder if your very limited experience would be a deal breaker.

"What about you though? If you don't mind me asking," Dino said, restating the exact words you said to him.

It was meant to be comforting, but it made you all the more nervous. I guess it was the moment of truth.

"If we're being honest, I haven't been in a serious relationship before."

As you spoke, your tone was softer than from how you had previously carried it throughout the conversation. Dino couldn't help but frown and feel his heart chip a bit. Going on dates and then dating someone was always exciting, so he felt empathetic that you hadn't quite experienced that type of emotions yet. And he also felt sad that people had done you wrong.

"People suck," he murmured. "I'm sorry that you've been out with people who didn't take the time to realize how lucky they were for meeting you."

Your eyes widened at his words. You opened your mouth to clarify but you were so thrown off by his words. Luck? He thought it was a good thing meeting me? A complete stranger? You bit the inside of your cheek to try to rid of the creeping blush on your cheeks. This guy was too sweet to you.

"I mean, I felt like I was lucky when I found out you swiped on me," he confessed.

Now it was Dino's turn to blush. Your eyes widened but you couldn't help but smile wider. It was endearing to see him get a bit shy, almost like he was revealing the past version of himself. You were truly the lucky one that someone had just wanted to spend their Sunday evening with you.

"Trust me, I felt the same way. Even more so when you asked me. It was an easy yes."

Dino's ego came soaring back a bit. He knew the hardship of dating in college and trying to form authentic relationships. What he found himself wanting to do now was give you the best that he could offer to you.

"So is that what you meant in your bio when you put that you are looking for something new?"

It was as if in that moment you could hear glass shattering. Reality had come back into full swinging, shattering any sense of hope you had. There was no fighting the truth because it always finds a way to reveal itself. God, I just want to be eaten by the floor.

"Actually, yes and no?"

You sounded unsure of yourself. Yet, not wanting to jump to any conclusions, Dino kept a smile curled onto his lips. The way he sat was relaxed yet he was leaning in slightly, showing you that he was ready to listen to you. It was a silent way of encouraging you to speak, if you wanted to that is. Honestly, Dino just appreciated that he was with someone who seemed genuine rather than someone looking for a free meal or just to sneak off to the bedroom afterwards.

"So yes, this," you said, gesturing between the two of you. "is new to me. I've never gone on a date with a guy I matched from Tinder."

As if Dino's ego could grow anymore. You took a chance on him? You decided to try something new, to experience something different from your day-to-day all because you saw his profile? And that himself decided to take a risk and message you? Damn, he just won the damn lottery.

"But dating in general is new for me."

Woah, pause. You've never dated someone before? His eyes widened and jaw dropped slightly.

All you could do was sit there as began to panic. Oh no. Everything around you felt like it was coming tumbling down. And to make matters worse, the waitress showed up with your dinner plates. She set them down in front of the two of you respectful. The awkward tension literally being cut by the sound of sizzling meats from Dino's fajitas and the steam rising into the air.

"Let me know if you two need anything else!"

I need you to help me get out of this nightmare.

"Sorry," Dino said, clearing his throat. God, he felt awful. He could actually see the way your heart shattered at his reaction. And the thing was that he didn't even think it was a bad thing. He was just surprised because he was under the impression that everyone his age just dated around and that it was awful.

Time to do some damage control.

"I'm just surprised. I know it can't be because guys weren't throwing themselves at you. I mean, you are absolutely breathtaking," he vocalized. "But you really never have been on a first date? Ever?" "Never ever," you said, laughing nervously.

Now he felt the need just to get to know you, but also be protective of you. You truly were an angel in every sense to him.

The remainder of the date was smooth. It was as if disclosing your little secret helped you feel more relaxed. It also helped that Dino didn't come from a place of judgement. You did end up asking him what all he had experienced, and he admitted that it was quite a bit more.

But it seems like the thing you two were searching for was an authentic love connection. It was something Dino has gotten close to experiencing, but only scratched the surface of discovering.

Dino was the absolute gentleman during the date. He made sure you had enough water, that you were enjoying your meal, and that he even paid. That was something he wouldn't let you dispute. You weren't expecting it either, which also took Dino by surprised. He figured it was just first date etiquette that the man pays. Yet, you've heard too many horror stories from your roommates and TikToks were the guy doesn't even over to pay his half.

He even offered to drive you home. You were hesitant, for which Dino than at least offered to order you an Uber back to your apartment. But feeling guilty of him spending more money, you agreed to a ride back to your apartment. He allowed you to put in your address into the GPS before you relaxed in the passenger seat.

Never before did Dino think there was something special about a person riding passenger seat. Now, he wanted you always to be by his side in this sense. He loved glancing over whenever he rolled up to the stop sign or stopped at a red light that he could see you.

There indeed was something different about you, and Dino felt it. You were unlike any other woman he's been with as you seemed to want to invest in someone, to create something unique. You made him feel as though all those trials and tribulations of dating were all worth it if it meant it led all to you this whole time.

Coming up to your apartment, Dino parked the car. You raised an eyebrow as you watched him get out. It all clicked though when he walked around to open the passenger side door.

"You really are a gentleman, huh?" You said teasingly. "Hey, I'm just making sure you get to experience everything you've missed out on."

You smiled brightly at him before gently getting out of the passenger seat. And this time, you didn't hide your blushing cheeks. Dino loved knowing that he could elicit that type of reaction out of you, and he wanted to do it more often. Hopefully he's done enough to get you to consider a second date.

Once he made sure you were on the sidewalk and away from the door, he closed it. Slowly, he began walking you to the front door of your row house apartment. It was as if he didn't want the night to end. Neither did you.

"So," he began. "How was your very first date?" "It was everything I could have dreamed of and then some. Thank you for your kindness, Dino." "Anything for you, angel,' he confessed in a hushed tone.

Angel. I could get used to that.

Sooner than you two would like, you arrived at the steps of your apartment. Turning towards each other, you seemed like a lost for words. Especially you. What do you say to a guy that seems too good to be real? While you were hopeful he would want a second date, you wanted to be realistic. You couldn't fight the thoughts of your anxiety creeping in - what if he was only kind because he felt bad for you?

"I had a great time tonight, y/n," Dino began.

You were more than happy to let him take the lead on any sort of closing statement. Your racing heart and mind just was anticipating a 'but' to slip in.

"I don't want you to feel pressured to say yes to a second date. I know that there are a whirlwind of emotions that comes with any first date, let alone your very first one. All I'm saying is that I hope you consider seeing me again?"

The man in front of you was not the confident man you just had dinner with. He was biting his lip gently, his hands were in his pockets as he tried his damn best to keep eye contact with you. But, you could tell that he was anticipating a rejection.

Oh, how the tables have turned. Gently, you took a step towards Dino. His eyes widened slightly but he couldn't fight the smile on his face. Leaning up gently, you pressed your lips to his cheek lingeringly.

"And miss out on experiencing a second date? No way."

[yorshie]

Hello! How are you? I hope you are doing well

Could you please do some Headcanons for tmnt (bayverse) x reader who has a huge problem with overheating? Like. Huge problem. Gets lightheaded, can’t sleep on “too warm” beds or places, Sometimes needs to lie on the cold ground or have ice packs on their face, legs, basically their whole self as an attempt of trying to cool down? And when they find out the boys skin is actually quite chilly they get more affectionate? Handsy? Of course w their consent, Legs get laced together, resting on their lap more often, both have crushes going on but reader is so bothered by how hot their skin is, all of the anxiety/bashfulness of approaching them is throw out of the window, and since winter is coming and the boys are coldblooded, a personal heater would be most welcomed (honestly a fair trade for everybody lol)

Hope that makes sense? (Honestly today is really bothering me cuz I’ve already used 3 ice packs and nothing is working 😭 i feel my face and legs are on fire and it’s so bothersome. I need some reassurance from some chilly boys fr) thank you and have a good day

Hello! I'm doing good, I hope you are doing better! I've been thinking about this ask for quite a bit, because I couldn't decide how exactly I was going to handle the turtles body heat, but I was totally enamored of imagining them being slightly cooler to reader's body heat, even though they do produce their own. Endothermic vs Ectothermic arguments went round and round, til I finally decided I was thinking about it waaaaayyyyy too deeply lol. So, thank you so much for sending this in, because it helped me Answer Some Questions for my personal writing lol. Going with the bayverse turtles run cooler than the average human body temp, but that they can withstand a range of temperatures because they still generate their own heat. So without further ado!

Bayverse turtles x GN reader, SFW - headcanons for nonspecific turtle

as always turtles are 24-25 in my writing

the first time he catches you lying on the floor in your home, surrounded by ziploc baggies of ice and an ice pack balanced on your nose, he almost snapped a picture at how goofy it looked. Then he noticed how red your skin was, how miserable you seemed, and he decided maybe it'd be better to check and see if you were ok

Upon finding out that, no, this was normal for you, that you were burning up despite how freezing cold your living room was, a small voice in the back of his head immediately reminded him that he ran COLD. He ignored it all through swapping your baggies out with fresh ice, of watching you roll to a new spot on the floor to find a new cool spot before his traitorous mouth opens up and he hears words that sound eerily like his own voice before he can reel the offer back in.

At first, you don't believe him. He's being sweet, sure, but the thought of touching or cuddling someone right now makes you want to commit murder. It takes him reaching out abruptly and placing his palm against your uncovered stomach for the fact to sink in that... oh my GOD HE"S COLD.

From that moment on, he is the designated cuddle buddy. In a pinch you'll make due with one of his brothers if you can convince them to stay still, but the first time he caught you draped over one of their shells you got the stink eye for three days straight, and when it came time for you to ask him once more to help you ended up being held more like a teddy bear.

Most of the time though, you sprawl across him on movie nights, cheek to his plastron, trying in vain to beat down blooming feelings when he rests his large, cool hands against your back and twines your legs together. Once or twice you're even embarrassed over it when it happens in front of his brothers, but at this point they just act like its normal. Just know, though, that your turtle has gotten ribbed over it privately, and there's a betting pool they've got going behind the two of yours' backs.

Come winter, you notice it's not just your turtle that's creeping in to cuddle now. With the weather turning, it seems the other three have realized that while they are a walking, talking ice pack for you, you are in fact a walking, talking furnace for them. Your turtle is definitely in the middle of the huddle, but don't be surprised to find yourself in the middle of a turtle pile anytime you come over. Don't worry, you're not the only human that gets wrangled into this. One time you got yoinked into the pile trying to coax your turtle out for some one on one cuddles and you found both Casey and April in the middle of the pile, both slightly squashed and unhappy about their turtle kidnapping.

All and all it's a revolving door of seeking each other out for heat and/or for cold, I'd give the betting pool a max of four months before it's being cashed out.

[fryuteih]

Boyfriend Material

Kim Gyuvin x Reader

High School AU(I'm not creative) where Gyuvin tries to convince the reader to date him. Unfortunately for him, reader is more than cautious of his playful personality.

Note: Probably not very grammatically well. I think this story is too long.

-----

Does your heart beat for him? Gyuvin would often wander around this question.

Many seconds have been spent trying to talk to you. Many minutes have been spent staring at you. Many hours have been spent thinking about you. Many days have been spent longing for you.

It wasn't as if Gyuvin didn't do anything about his more than average adoration for you. He did. He did almost everything that he could. Almost everything for you to reciprocate what he felt, or atleast for you to just look at him properly.

"Keep sulking over there and you'll end up becoming a skeleton." Gunwook hopelessly jokes to his hopeless friend Gyuvin who had been silently staring at an action figure for the past few minutes.

Junhyeon and Gunwook were sitting on the latter's bed. Gunwook had invited his two friends to his house to hang out. Gyuvin sitting on the floor and staring at a figure with joy drained out of his friend's face was not what he had planned to be "hanging out".

In response, Gyuvin only sighs. The boy seemingly was not comforted by his friend's words, his dilemma was too big to be joked about.

"Keep sighing over there and [name] will eventually smell your bad breath from where they're at." Junhyeon laughs

Junhyeon's joke however, unlike Gunwook's, had elicited a non-lifeless response from Gyuvin. The boy's eyes widened, quickly bringing his hand up to his mouth and puffing out air through said mouth to smell his breath.

"Is that why they don't like talking to me?" Gyuvin panics, "Is my breath that bad?"

"Well sure, [name] looks at you in disgust, but I'm sure that your breath isn't the only reason." Junhyeon snickers

Gunwook smacks Junhyeon's back, which elicits a painful wince from the boy, "Sure that you need to brush your teeth after eating fish, but your breath isn't that bad." Gunwook tries to reassure Gyuvin

"But it is bad?" Gyuvin whines, dragging his hands over his eyes, "Stupid, stupid Gyuvin! Always with stinky breath, no wonder they dont like you, they're never gonna like you!" The boy crazily rants about and to himself.

"Didn't know you were into degradation." Junhyeon's amusement was met with Gunwook loudly smacking him on the back,

"OW!" Junhyeon clutches his knees

"You know what, man? You're breath doesn't smell bad. We were just joking with ya." Gunwook tries to once again, reassure his friend, who was banging his head against the wall.

"That doesn't make sense. Then why don't they like me?" Gyuvin had transferred his antics from banging his head on the wall to trying to pull out his brown hair with both of his hands, after having had set the action figure he was holding down beside him, "I tried everything! Bad breath has to be it!"

"You know maybe [name]'s just into more mature guys." Junhyeon says nonchalantly to the boy while laying down on Gunwook's bed.

"What?" Gyuvin now sets his hands on the floor. His hands were now supporting his body that was leaning towards the direction of Junhyeon, expectantly waiting for an explanation.

Before Gunwook could yet again land a slap on Junhyeon, the latter signs to the former to stop, "You aren't really what someone would flex to be their boyfriend. Sure, you're handsome, but I think [name] isn't that shallow."

"You're actually on to something." Gunwook squints suspiciously at Junhyeon.

"So? So?" Gyuvin asks desperately, he uses his knees to walk over to the two boys. The boy stops "walking" once he had reached a close distance and starts patting non-stop on both of his friends' thighs, demanding for a response.

Junhyeon stops Gyuvin's hand with his own, and, without raising his head up to look at him, says, "You're a kid bro."

Gunwook follows in suit of Junhyeon, lightly holding Gyuvin's hand on his thigh, but unlike Junhyeon, looks Gyuvin straight at the eyes, "What he means to say bro, is that you don't act mature enough for a relationship. You always sleep in class, spend your free time playing around, making a mess when eating, making fuss whenever you're in a crowd, and when it comes to [name]...."

Gunwook looks away, halting his statement, seemingly not able to tell his friend what comes next.

"You scream their name whenever you see them, when there's a ton of people around. You're always following them around, talking their ear off. You scare away anybody you see them with. You're always teasing them, hiding their things and laughing when you find a booger in their nose. The list just goes on." Junhyeon completes Gunwook's statement.

Gyuvin looks shocked, "I was just trying to point out the booger, I didn't want them to be embarrassed if other people pointed it out."

"Dude, it's embarrassing when you point it out, especially when you're laughing and when other people can hear you." Gunwook takes his hands off of Gyuvin's to facepalm, "Gyuvin, maybe you can tone down your antics a little bit. Be a little more mature."

"Leave [name] alone, I think this is getting out of hand." Junhyeon grumbles softly to which only Gunwook heard and in response, had nodded his head slowly.

A few seconds pass in silence.

Gyuvin then stands up and puts a fist to his chest, "[name], I'll be the boyfriend you want!"

"First step, stop shouting all the time." Junhyeon sits up and places his hands on either side of his ears with a displeased expression.

"This talk was supposed to stop you from annoying [name], not annoy them even more." Junhyeon grumbles. Unfortunately, Gyuvin seemed to be off in his own world and hadn't heard Junhyeon.

"Where did this even come from?" Gunwook mumbles to himself.

--------

"Let me help you with that." Gyuvin awkwardly smiles at you, hands outstretched to the pile of books you were taking out of your locker.

"No." You reply sternly, not looking at the boy beside you as you struggle to close your locker while carrying your books.

"No, I insist." Gyuvin makes a small fuss with your hands, trying to take your books by force.

The both of you tussle for a bit. None of you, however, had turned out to be victorious as your books fell to the ground, accumulating stares from passersby.

Gyuvin immediately crouches down to collect your fallen books. Before you could do anything, Gyuvin had already stood up with your books in a tight embrace to his chest, "Lead the way, [name]."

"Gyuvin, give me back my books." You exasperatingly sigh and ignore what Gyuvin had said to you, locking your locker closed.

"No, a gorgeous person like you shouldn't be carrying heavy things. You know what? Let me carry your bag." Gyuvin outstretches his one hand, pulling on your backpack strap that was hanging on your left shoulder, in an attempt to carry it for you.

You grip the boy's wrist near your shoulder, "I'm very not in the mood to chase you around the whole school for my things. So, give it up."

Gyuvin scrunches his eyebrows together, "What? I was just going to walk you to class. Come on now, don't you trust me."

"I don't."

Gyuvin pouts, "Please? Please? Please? Please?"

"Fine! Stop whining. If you run off with my things or hold this against me in the future, I'm going to literally never talk to you." You relent to the boy as his whines had started wringing in your ears.

You slap the boy's hand away from you and your backpack. You then try to walk away to your classroom, but you were halted in your tracks. You turn your head to see that Gyuvin had grabbed the handle loop of your backpack.

"What's your problem?" You angrily ask the boy.

"Give me your bag?" Gyuvin confusedly questions you, tugging on the handle loop.

You grab the boy's arm that was on your bag and fling it towards his body, "Be lucky that I am letting you carry my books. I want to go now, so, don't make this difficult." You say your piece as if talking to a child who had done something wrong.

"Exactly, you're already letting me carry your books, so, just let me carry your bag." Gyuvin says like it was common knowledge.

"If I'm going to give you my bag and then you run off, I'm going to be left with nothing. Now, let's go before I take my books away from you." You storm off, Gyuvin quickly trailing behind to catch up to you.

Due to the fact that you were walking so fast and that Gyuvin had been trying to walk beside you, he wasn't able to be aware of his environment. In simple words, the boy had tripped face-first onto a pillar because of that.

"Are you okay?" You worriedly ask, stopping in your tracks to barely touch the boy's cheek with your palm to see if he had broken anything on his face.

Despite almost breaking his nose, Gyuvin didn't let your books fall, firmly hugging the said books.

"Yeah, I'm just glad I didn't land on my butt."

"Are you sure? I can ask for an ice-pack from the nurse."

"Nah, I'm a strong man! This was nothing!" Gyuvin holds his chin high.

You roll your eyes, retracting your hand and turning away to continue walking off to your classroom. This time, your pace was slower.

As you had turned away, Gyuvin turned a very dark shade of crimson. The boy gulps and takes his long legs to walk beside you.

------

Gyuvin had dropped you off and was now sitting in his classroom that differed from yours. The boy sets his head atop of his table, his right cheek meeting the cold desk. He adjusts his eyes to look at the window infront of him and thinks about his earlier encounter with you.

Never talk to him again? Were you really going to be that extreme? He could barely stay sane without hearing your voice for a few seconds, how could he endure a period of "never"?

He remembers how you had flung his arm away. Sure, it hurt when his arm hit the hard books he was carrying, but the rejection hurt more. Knowing that his advances towards you were always shut down, made his heart rip little by little, because it meant that you didn't want him, that you didn't need him.

"Good Morning, class."

Gyuvin quickly stands up alongside his classmates to greet the old professor.

"You all may take a seat. Now, turn to page 144 in your textbook."

Unlike the past, Gyuvin had brought his textbook this time. Furthermore, he actually opened his book, to the correct page, nonetheless. It was unusual, so unusual that his seatmates and even those infront of him had turned to look at him. Not only did Gyuvin open a book, a book that was for academic purposes, he had also opened a notebook where he was taking down notes.

For the whole hour or so lesson, Gyuvin was attentive up until the bell rang, signifying the end of the class.

"Keep up the good work Kim Gyuvin." The old professor smiles at the boy in amusement.

"Sir, yes Sir!" Gyuvin responds in much determination, one wouldn't have guessed that the boy was a slacker in class.

------

It was a hot afternoon, Gyuvin and Gunwook had just finished after-school soccer practice that day and were now in the changing rooms. Their friend, Junhyeon, was already waiting for them outside the changing rooms and had invited himself in, once the two boys had entered.

"What's going on with you today? You're being a little less loud than usual." Gunwook says jokingly, wiping sweat off of his own forehead with a clean towel.

"I'm just toning it down, you know?" Gyuvin says whilst changing into the fresh clothes he took out from his bag.

"You didn't even sleep in morning classes today." Junhyeon pointed out, sitting on the bench in the changing room and on his phone.

"What can I say? I am Mr. Perfect." Gyuvin hums, shoving his dirty clothes into his bag.

"And just when I thought you actually changed. Well, Junhyeon did say that you started to doze off in math class. But I guess that was a fluke, huh?" Gunwook clacks his tounge

"Be more respectful of your elders, would ya?" Gyuvin playfully slaps the back of Gunwook's head.

"Hey, bros, could you hurry up a bit? I've been waiting for a hundred years now." Junhyeon complains

"Jeez, could you not? Me and Gyuvin have been tirelessly practicing for the next match, the coach had us stay behind even." Gunwook defends himself and Gyuvin, "You aren't even supposed to be inside the changing rooms."

"Ok, not my fault you guys are MVPs or something that need extra training. You guys promised to game with me after practice." Junhyeon whines, "And tell that Han Yujin kid to stop staring at me weirdly."

"I'd stare at you weirdly too if you were looming over the changing rooms. I'd think you were a pervert or something." Gyuvin defends his junior.

Junhyeon lets out a dramatic gasp, wiping away fake tears, "I am not a pervert! How dare you!" The boy then changes his mood quickly, smiling mischievously, "Gyuvin, bro, I actually forgot to tell you something."

"You already had my attention bro, what is it?"

"There's this girl in our class that's got a crush on you. I think you'd like her." Junhyeon giggles

"Name reveal! Name reveal!" Gunwook claps his hands together repeatedly.

"I really could care less." Gyuvin sighs, rubbing his face.

"Is this because of [name]?" Gunwook asks, seemingly disappointed.

"Why do you even like them?" Junhyeon chastised

"What do you mean?" Gyuvin aggressively asks, slamming his locker door shut.

The other two boys wince, they were taken aback by Gyuvin's sudden change of behavior.

"I don't mean that [name] isn't a catch or anything. They're great actually." Junhyeon quickly defends himself, shaking his hands infront of his chest, "I just meant like why do you like them specifically?"

"I, uh, I uhm." Gyuvin struggles to find an answer.

"I think it's time you move on, bro. Go and date someone else you're actually interested in. For example, maybe you'll actually like the girl Junhyeon talked about." Gunwook says seriously

"Where is this even coming from? I really like [name], I always have liked [name]." Gyuvin asks in disbelief, laughing along the way.

"Then why do you like [name]?" Junhyeon repeats his question.

"I like- cuz you know, uhm. Ah, because I uh." Gyuvin struggles yet again to find an answer. Shouldn't his two closest friends know why?

"You're always like that whenever someone asks why you like [name]. It's really time that you stop messing with them." Gunwook points out.

"I'm not messing with them." Gyuvin whispers

Taking a deep breath of the fresh late afternoon air, he had reached the school's exit and then finds a bench to sit on outside of the school building.

Did his two closest friends really think that he was messing with you? Gyuvin silently walks away, making sure that the changing room door closed silently. The boy becomes deaf to his two friends calling out his name.

He makes a bee-line for the school's exit.

Why did he like you? Was a question frequently asked, by your friends, his friends, his team-mates, his siblings, and even his mother. It was a simple question, but Gyuvin couldn't really pin-point an answer. This has caused for a lot of people to assume that his feelings for you were for laughs, that they weren't real. Maybe it wasn't real. Maybe it wasn't genuine. But why did Gyuvin want you so badly?

Gyuvin didn't really think much. He never sat down to collect his thoughts or reflect on his feelings. So, now he will. Why was it you that he wanted when there were other people who wanted him, like that girl from his class? Well, he was stubborn and often pursued anything he happened to set his mind on, so, maybe that was the reason. Gyuvin didn't want to "mess" with you in that extent. So, he focused on thinking, something others wouldn't have imagined him doing, all to answer the infamous question, "Why does Gyuvin like [name]?".

-------

Walking down the busy halls of the school with no particular destination in mind, Gyuvin was chatting away with his good friend, Gunwook. It was the first day of school and Gyuvin was curious about which teachers Gunwook had, in the event that he had that teacher before.

"Math with Ms. Lee, and then Science with Mr. Cruz." Gunwook tells his older friend of his teachers in each class.

"Good luck with Mr. Cruz, he's a total nightmare." Gyuvin laughs at his friend.

"Was he really a nightmare or were you just being a slacker in class?"

"Hey now, you don't hear me complaining about the other teachers." The brunette boy sighs, "Besides, who tells a poor young boy to sit on air for 15 minutes? Sounds like child abuse to me."

Gyuvin wasn't really paying attention to his environment. Suffice to say, due to his inability to be aware and his extreme clumsiness, he trips and hits a concrete pillar face-first. The impact of which he hit himself wasn't what you called a breeze, rather, it was the opposite. So much so that he fell down on his back, the back of his head included.

"Argh" Gyuvin rubs his nose, he was on the floor, and since he never bothered to close the duffel bag that he was carrying, its contents had spilled all over the floor.

"Are you okay?" You asked, kneeling down to the boy to see if he was alright. You didn't touch him to help him up immediately, as you thought that it'd be awkward and didn't want to intrude personal space.

Gyuvin tilts his head up to look at you whilst holding his nose in pain, he was in a daze and was slightly hallucinating, "Am I dead?" 'Cuz I think that you're an angel." The boy says with a nasal voice.

You shake your head, collecting Gyuvin's things on the floor so that they didn't block the way for other people passing by. You fold the clothes among the fallen contents of the brunette's bag, and place his things carefully back inside the duffel bag.

"You're really beautiful, I'm really beautiful, we should totally go out." Gyuvin sends you finger-guns, clicking his tounge alongside.

"Do you want me to take you to the nurse?" You ask seriously, worried that the boy may be out of it.

"If that means spending more time with you, then yes and yes and yes." Gyuvin drones

You finish placing Gyuvin's things in his bag with an action figure and offer a hand to him.

"You want to hold hands? Don't mind if I do."

You help Gyuvin up on his feet and sling his duffel bag over his arm. You then turn to Gunwook who had been hysterically laughing all this time, "This your friend?"

"Yes" Gunwook musters up a one-word response from laughing too hard.

"Heyyyy, don't talk to another man. I'm a jealous boy, you know." Gyuvin whines, not letting go of your hand.

You tussle with the brunette for a bit, taking your other hand to free your hand in and from his grip. The boy only takes his other large hand and tries to cage your free hand in his.

"I'll take him out of your hands." Gunwook had calmed down from his laughter and pulls Gyuvin away from you by the collar. This had made a leeway for you to take your hands away from him, and ultimately, leave.

"Thanks, have a good one. Take him to the nurse if he keeps this behavior up." You bow your head slightly and run away from the pair.

"Talk about being embarrassing, man." Gunwook shakes his head, slapping the other party's back.

"Who was that?" Gyuvin asks in a daze

"I don't know, I think they're in your year."

"Well, Gunwook, my man." The brunette slings his arm around the other boy's shoulders.

"What?"

"Get your suit and tie because your going to be the best man."

"Don't even think about it. The least that you can do is thank them, not play around with them."

"Exactly, I'll thank them by being their own one of a kind boyfriend." Gyuvin puts his fist to his chest.

"Where did this even come from? You're absolutely delusional."

---------

"You know, I'd be a great boyfriend."

"Oh!" You let out a yelp and turn to look at Gyuvin who had set his hand on the table you and your friends were occupying, "Oh, its you."

"Yeah, it's me, your future boyfriend." Gyuvin scoots your friend, Taerae who was beside you, aside and invites himself over to sit in between the both of you, "This must be fate."

It wasn't fate. In all actuality, Gyuvin had been ditching his friends during lunch to scour the entire cafeteria to find you. He had been doing this for the past 4 days, shoving his lunch down his throat in the last 5 minutes of lunch period, when he couldn't find you.

"I don't even know you." You dejectedly say, trying not to look at the boy who was trying to put his face infront of you.

Gyuvin fakes a hurt look. Your friend infront of you, Jeonghyeon, scoffs, "He's in the same basketball team as me, his name's-"

"Up, up, up, up, let me introduce myself Jeonghyeon." Gyuvin drops his act and clears his throat, "Since I am your future boyfriend, I will let this slide. But don't do this again!"

"Ok?" You shoot a glance at Taerae, asking for help silently, but he was too busy trying to hide his laughter.

"My name, your future boyfriend's name, is Gyuvin. But you can call me any sweet nickname you'd like." Gyuvin winks at you and rests his lower arm on the table.

"Well okay, Gyuvin, have you eaten yet?"

"Why, I haven't yet. You're so thoughtful, uh..."

Jeonghyeon covers his mouth to laugh, "You don't know their name?"

"Shush, Jeonghyeon!" Gyuvin shouts, showing the other boy his index finger, gesturing him to stay quiet, "What's your name, lovely?"

"Well, you should go back to your table and eat, it isn't good to starve." You look over to Jeonghyeon, asking for help with your eyes, but he too, was too busy trying to hide his laughter.

"You're so sweet, darling. Please tell me your name, though." Gyuvin places his hand on your shoulder.

"It's [name], now why don't you go eat, Gyuvin. If you want, you can take my lunch." You offer to Gyuvin, trying to make him go away.

"Gyuvin and [name], that's nice." Gyuvin wanders for a bit, he stares at you a bit too long and a bit too hard. He then notices something in your nose, "Oh, by the way, you have a booger in your nose."

That seemed to have done it, as all of your friends started to unleash their loud laughter. Even people nearby started to chuckle.

Gyuvin laughs it off, "Here, let me take it off for you." He takes his hand off your shoulder towards your nose but you push his hand away and cover your nose with your right hand.

The brunette was hurt by your rejection. He thought that he didn't do anything wrong. You had stood up and used your left hand to push your tray of food towards Gyuvin, "Here, eat. I'll be going now."

Gyuvin was going to say something else, but you were already running off to the exit.

--------

"Bruno Mars is better." Taerae argues with you.

You and Taerae were in the same class and subsequently, were talking in the classroom you both shared before classes started.

"Whatever you say. Arguing with you is tiring, you're so stubborn."

"I am an ENTJ after all, it's in my nature."

"Stop blaming your MBTI for your horrible attitude."

"Good Morning [name]!" Gyuvin's voice booms inside your classroom, interrupting the conversation you were having with Taerae.

"How did he find my class?" You ask in disbelief.

"I may or may not have said anything about your whereabouts to Junhyeon." Taerae giggles

"He's friends with Gyuvin?" You ask, terrified that you have a mutual friend with Gyuvin.

"I mean Jeonghyeon is too, but-"

"What're we talking about today?" Gyuvin interrupts once again, pushing Taerae's chair away from yours with his leg to make room for his own chair that he had dragged away from an unoccupied desk.

"Oh, hello there Gyuvin." You awkwardly greet the boy who had now sat down beside you.

Gyuvin snakes his arm around your shoulders, "Hi [name]."

"What brings you here?" You try to back away from the boy but his arm stuck you down to your place.

"You, ofcourse. The day was so beautiful today that I just had to come see you."

"Really? I didn't know that you came this early to school." You grumble loudly enough for the boy next to you to hear.

"I told you already, the day was so beautiful today that I just had to see you, sweetie." Gyuvin baby-talks you.

"Well okay then.." You pause for a moment, not knowing what to say, "Sweetie.."

You cringe at yourself while Gyuvin was almost shaking in joy. However, Gyuvin's joy was mildly interrupted by Taerae's loud laughter.

"What're you laughing at?" Gyuvin snaps at Taerae

"Ah, I didn't mean to-"

"You know what? Can you leave? You laughing at [name], isn't needed."

"That wasn't my intention, I-"

"Leave." Gyuvin stares the boy down until he finally stood up to go out of the classroom.

"You went too far." You stare at Gyuvin

"He was laughing at you."

"He's my friend, ofcourse he's going to laugh at me." You push Gyuvin's arm away from you gently, "Look, Gyuvin. I appreciate that you care for me to an extent but you need to learn about not overstepping boundaries."

"I'm sorry, [name]." Gyuvin pouts

"No need to apologize to me. Go after Taerae and apologize to him." You shoo Gyuvin away to which he obediently follows.

Gyuvin finds Taerae just outside your classroom, leaning against the lockers.

"Hey man, I'm sorry about earlier." Gyuvin brings a hand out for Taerae to shake.

"No worries." Taerae brings his hand out to accept Gyuvin's handshake, "But I do want to ask you something."

Gyuvin brings his hand down from Taerae's, "Shoot."

"Why do you like [name]?"

"Why? Do you like them?"

"Absolutely not, we argue too much. I'm just curious, you liking them came out of nowhere. So, why do you like [name]?"

"You know..." Gyuvin drones on his answer, "Because... uhm.."

Taerae doesn't wait for Gyuvin to continue, "Try not to mess with [name], alright?"

--------

"Where is my calculator?" You search your backpack for the said calculator.

You had left your things unattended at the table you and your friends had gathered around, to go to the restroom. You thought that since your friends were there, your things would be guarded.

"I don't know. Maybe Junhyeon knows, him and his friends just left awhile ago." Jeonghyeon suggests

"When you say Junhyeon and his friends, do you mean Gyuvin?" You slowly turn to Jeonghyeon, almost terrified.

"Ahhhh" Jeonghyeon seemingly had a moment of realization, "Yes.."

You see, when you left for the restroom, Junhyeon had stopped by at the table your friends were gathered at, to talk to Taerae. With Junhyeon was Gunwook and most importantly, Gyuvin. The latter was going to ask where you were when he spotted your things at the far-right end of the table. He recognized your bag easily.

Since your friends were occupied talking to each other, he did what any normal person would do. He sneakily took the calculator near your bag.

Junhyeon had finished talking with Taerae, and left with Gunwook and Gyuvin before you came back. In great fashion, Gyuvin took your calculator with him home.

"What's gotten you so happy there?" Gyuvin's mother asks her son.

The boy had changed into his house clothes and was sitting in the kitchen where his family was eating.

"What do you mean?" Gyuvin giggles, he had been giggling ever since he was picked up from school by his older brother, Hao.

"Does my boy have a crush in school?" His mother gushes.

"Ewwwww." His younger sister, Eunchae, voices out her disgust.

"What's your problem? You've been giggling non-stop." Hao exasperatingly asks his younger brother.

"Yes, I do have a crush."

"Ewwwww!" Eunchae voices out her disgust even louder.

"Oh hush Eunchae, go on now." His mother excitedly waits for Gyuvin to expound on what he had just revealed.

"What? So, you asked them out or something? Well, congratulations and shut up." Hao complains

"No, but I did take their calculator with me." Gyuvin proudly says, puffing out his chest, "They're probably panicking right now."

"Oh, Gyuvin.." His mother sadly calls out to him.

"Way to impress your crush, I guess." Hao says in a sarcastic tone.

"What?" Gyuvin asks confused

"Give your crush their calculator back first thing in the morning, Gyuvin." His mother berates, "That's not how you try and impress a person."

"But it's just a joke. They'll have no way of ignoring me now." Gyuvin tries to defend himself, "It'll give me a laugh too."

"Do you even like them, Gyuvin?" His mother asks, trying to find a middle ground for her next argument.

"I do."

"Then don't try and drive them away."

"Okay, mom.." Gyuvin reluctantly gives up to which Eunchae snickers at.

"It's alright Gyuvin, you're father always used to tease me back in the day too." His mother reminisces the past, "What's my boy's crush's name?"

"[name]"

"Oohhh, so, what do you like about this [name]?" His mother asks, elated.

"Because you know..." Gyuvin pauses for a few seconds, nervously laughing and quickly trying to find an answer, "Whatever dad saw in you.. I guess.."

His mother sighs and shakes her head, "Bring that [name]'s calculator back to them immediately. I really need you to stop playing around, Gyuvin."

--------

It was early morning and you were tiringly getting your things out of your locker. You had texted and even tried to call Gyuvin countless of times yesterday night for your calculator. To the point that you had to question if Junhyeon had given you Gyuvin's right number.

As you lock your locker closed, your calculator presented itself infront of your face.

"Guess what I have?" Gyuvin laughs, tauntingly shaking your calculator infront of you.

You quickly try to grab your calculator but fail as Gyuvin retracts his hand away from you faster. The boy was an athlete and that was to your disadvantage. Especially when he starts running away from you, laughing maniacally along the way.

"Try and catch me!"

"Gyuvin! Give it back!" You scream, chasing the brunette along the halls of your school.

"Only if you catch me!"

The two of you continue running and screaming in the hallways. This continued on for what seemed to be a long period to you, as you were running out of breath. Luckily for you, Gyuvin hits his stomach with a drinking water fountain, causing him to stop in his tracks and clutch his stomach in pain.

"Are you okay?" You worriedly ask, catching up to the boy and patting his back softly.

"Kim Gyuvin and [full name]!"

You turn your head to see your school's prefect.

"Go to my office now and clean up whatever mess you made!" The prefect snides, pointing at the ground near you.

On the floor was you calculator, broken. You couldn't help but sigh, squatting down to clean up your broken calculator. Gyuvin tries to help you, eyes squinting in pain as he tries to squat down but you stop him, wrapping a hand around his leg to stop him from extra movement.

"Faster! Can't believe the youth are so disobedient these days!" The prefect had his arms crossed and was tapping his right foot impatiently.

You put the remains of your calculator into your backpack and stand up. Gently taking one of Gyuvin's arms and wrapping it around your shoulders, you help the brunette walk with you to follow the prefect to his office.

"Sorry." The brunette whispers, not looking at you.

"It's whatever." You reply monotonously

The prefect quickly open the door to his office and runs to his desk to sit down. You close the door behind.

"Quickly now!" The prefect snaps his fingers, while you sit Gyuvin down on one of the two chairs infront of the prefect's desk and then sit on the other unoccupied chair.

"Do you know the consequences to your actions?"

You open your mouth to answer but was swiftly interrupted.

"First, the both of you ran in halls. Second, the both of you screamed in the said halls. Third, you destructed school property, the wat-"

"[name] didn't do anything wrong. I stole their calculator and they were just trying to take it back." Gyuvin interrupts, done with the prefect's aggressiveness that had involved you.

"So we're interrupting elders now, Mr-"

"He didn't mean to." You nervously try to defend the boy beside you.

"Now you too-"

"I did mean to. What kind of prefect are you anyway? I'm in pain and you still bring me to your office before the clinic. You're screaming and being passive-aggressive to two teenagers at your grown age. I can go on and on but you know what? This is actual bull-" Gyuvin tries to distract the prefect from getting angry at you, so, he started spewing out nonsense that would transfer all of the prefect's anger and focus towards him. Even if it meant suspension or expulsion that would lead him to miss the matches he had practiced for. It was his fault anyway.

But before he could continue his vulgarity, you bring a hand to his mouth to stop any sound from resounding. However, you were too late as the prefect had successfully fallen into the brunette's trap.

"I'm calling your parent, Mr. Kim Gyuvin. You are suspended and are to go home." The prefect solemnly says.

"He really didn't mean too, he's just in pain." You try to reason.

"[full name], don't get yourself into any more trouble. I'll dismiss you with only a two-day after school detention."

Gyuvin sees your mouth open but quickly opens his mouth to speak over you, "I told you that they didn't do anything wrong. Why are you giving them punishment?"

"Don't try and make this worse for yourself." You loudly whisper to the brunette, pinching his thigh.

"Listen to your partner, Kim Gyuvin. [full name], you are dismissed, please leave." The prefect shoos you away to the exit.

"Can you lend a calculator to [name]?" Gyuvin quietly whispers.

The prefect sighs, "[full name], tell Mrs. Cruz that I'm lending you my calculator. She'll know that it's from me."

--------

"Yes Sir" You respond, surprised, bowing your head and leaving the office. You decide not to fight back anymore as it might lead to Gyuvin getting into more trouble.

"Stop getting yourself into more trouble, mom is fuming right now." Hao berates his younger brother while driving.

Gyuvin's older brother had picked him up from the school grounds after their mom had received a call from the prefect, informing her of the boy's suspension.

Gyuvin stays quiet, fiddling with the action figure he had broken when he first bumped into you.

"Don't get me started with that crush you have that you got into trouble." Hao says exasperatingly, "If you can call them your crush, that is."

"What do you mean?" Gyuvin asks softly with an annoyed tone.

"First, drop that attitude, be happy that i was free enough to pick you up when mom told me to." Hao rants, "Let me ask you again Gyuvin, because it seems that you got into trouble by this one singular person."

"They didn't do anything!" Gyuvin slams the action figure down into the car seat.

Hao ignores his younger brother's behavior, "What do you like about this crush of yours, that you push yourself into so much trouble?"

"Can you shut up?" Gyuvin snarkily replies, tired of the question.

Only those who had seen him together with you would understand, or atleast his two closest friends would, he thought.

--------

Jeonghyeon had ran out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang for lunchtime, the reason being that he was going to practice basketball at the gym with the rest of the basketball team. Due to immediately leaving, the boy had forgotten his lunchbox at the classroom.

Like the good friend that Taerae was, Taerae was going to bring the forgotten lunchbox to his friend at the gym. But Taerae just had to drag you along with him. You were more than reluctant to come along as you still had to buy your own lunch at the canteen, and saw this as an event that would postpone your eating time.

"Stop complaining. I haven't eaten yet and I'm not complaining, sounds like your just a bad friend." Taerae says as the both of you walk to the gym.

"I could care less." You say, rubbing your face, "I should've just ate with Giselle and the rest."

"But I'm your favorite friend, aren't I?" Taerae pushes the gym door open upon reaching the said gym.

Stepping into the gym, you are presented with a group of twelve or so teenage boys playing basketball. The both of you move closer to the group that was playing basketball. Unfortunately, Jeonghyeon was too busy playing. It was as if Lady luck was on your side, as there were also no players on the sidelines that you could've left the lunchbox with.

"Let's just leave his lunchbox here, I'm starving." You complain, pointing to the floor Taerae was standing on with piles of clothes and belongings.

"This is actually disgusting, can't they place their things somewhere else." Taerae scrunches his face in disgust.

"Beats me, just leave it there."

"No, we will not be leaving his lunchbox on the floor. It's dirty and what if he doesn't see it?" Taerae disagrees with you.

"You're logic is dumb. Whatever, you're waiting here by yourself." You try to walk away but Taerae stops you by your collar.

"I am not waiting here alone with fifty sweaty, rowdy and annoying boys." Taerae exaggerates, stomping his foot on the floor.

Hearing a loud clack, the both of you look down to see an action figure that had a dislocated arm. It was Gyuvin's figure, he always brought it around with him, and Taerae had dislocated it with his foot.

"Ohhhh." Taerae nervously giggles

"Yeah, ohhhhh. You're actually dead." You say, squatting down to take the action figure in your hands.

Taerae seemed frightened by your words as he drops Jeonghyeon's lunchbox on your back and quickly runs away to the gym's exit.

"Talk about being a bad friend." You mutter under your breath, taking the lunchbox from your back to your lap to hide your hands that were trying to fix the dislocated figure.

"Oh hey! Look at that! It's Gyuvin's crush!" A rowdy boy playing basketball laughs loudly, pointing at your figure crouched down.

Out of all the moments any of the players could've acknowledged you when you were still with Taerae, it was now that you were all alone trying to fix Taerae's mistake.

"Hey, [name]! This one's for you!" Gyuvin shouts upon landing his eyes on you, dribbling the basketball in his hands.

Your eyes widened in horror, quickly trying to snap the figure's arm back into place. This was your worst nightmare, alone with many males that stenched of sweat and having one of those said males loudly dedicating a shot for you.

Gyuvin outstretched his arms upwards to shoot the ball in the hoop.

Gyuvin missed the shot.

All of the rowdy, smelly, sweaty, and loud teenage athletes erupted into laughter.

"[name], this one's for you!" One of the players mock Gyuvin.

Among all the teenage boys, Gyuvin laughed the hardest. He was on his knees, clutching his stomach from laughing too hard.

You couldn't help but feel absolutely humiliated. As you snap the figure's arm back into place, you stand up. Your legs felt weak, you wanted to run away and hide in embarrassment. Talk about having someone loudly dedicating a shot to you infront of adolescent boys and absolutely missing it.

The boys seemingly had stopped playing due to laughing too hard.

Jeonghyeon jogs towards you, "Hey, is that my lunchbox?"

"Yeah, Taerae was supposed to give it to you but he ran away." You say in a hushed voice, handing the lunchbox and the now fixed action figure to Jeonghyeon, "Give that to Gyuvin, Taerae accidently broke it earlier but I fixed it, so no problems now."

"Thank-" Jeonghyeon was about to thank you but you were already running away.

"Don't tell me is [name] your significant other or something?" A member from the basketball team asks Jeonghyeon, "Looks like you can't mess with [name] anymore, Gyuvin!"

"What? Are you serious?" Gyuvin asks, glaring at Jeonghyeon's back.

"What? No, they were just bringing me lunch. Let's calm down now." Jeonghyeon responds irritable, he turns his head towards Gyuvin.

"Here, [name] fixed it. They said Taerae broke it." Jeonghyeon throws the action figure towards Gyuvin, and like the true athlete that he was, Gyuvin catches it.

Gyuvin scans the figure. Sure enough, it was fixed. The figure's arm was now where it was supposed to be. Although, Gyuvin was confused, it's arm was dislocated ever since the fateful day that he fell and met you, how did Taerae break it?

"Hey Gyuvin, why do you like [name]?" Jeonghyeon asks, hugging his lunchbox.

"Yeah Gyuvin, tell us why you like [name]." Another team member snickers, not taking the question seriously.

Gyuvin stays silent, too tired to answer, scanning the figure in his hands. The boys listening in snicker and stifle their laughter.

"Whatever dude, don't mess with [name] too much."

------

"Hey bro! Sorry about earlier!" Junhyeon slaps Gyuvin's back and sits next to him on the bench.

"Yeah bro, sorry." Gunwook says, bringing Gyuvin's duffle bag with him and sitting down on the other side of the bench, beside Gyuvin.

Gyuvin sits up straight from his slouched position, "Why are the both of you apologizing?"

"Oh, uh, you know for ganging up on you." Gunwook replies, taken aback by Gyuvin's formalities.

"No, I should be the one apologizing. It is my fault for having immediately acted upon my anger."

"Drop that attitude bro." Junhyeon says, worryingly looking at his friend.

"Apologies, I will try to act more mature from now on."

Gunwook nervously laughs and chucks Gyuvin's duffle bag into the latter's lap, "Here you go bro, you left it at the changing rooms. Next time, you should really fix your clothes, it's disgusting."

"Apologies again, I shall clean up after myself from now on." Gyuvin says, taking out his things to arrange them in his bag.

"Are you really fixing your things right now bro?" Junhyeon asks

"Yes, please don't wait for me. You can go ahead without me." Gyuvin continues to fix his things.

Gunwook and Junhyeon share a look of worry.

"Look bro, we're sorry, we shouldn't have ganged up on you about [name]." Gunwook breaks the silence.

Gyuvin takes out the action figure out of his bag and zips the said bag shut, after arranging everything.

"No, it's completely understandable. My actions towards [name] were immature and concerning, I'll try to make it up to them from now on." Gyuvin caresses the figure with his thumb.

"You're going to be their own one of a kind boyfriend, ah?" Gunwook motivates his friend

"I'll be a proper boyfriend."

--------

Ever since that day, when the boy's two closest friends had questioned his feelings for you, Gyuvin had become nothing short of a perfect student.

He had stopped being late to school, arriving almost an hour early to school. He stopped sleeping and slacking off in class, even math class, even actively participating or asking questions. He had stopped being so loud in the halls, walking at a normal pace and being aware of his surroundings. He had even started asking for extra work from teachers to boost his grades.

Suffice to say, he was a teacher's pet, well-mannered and focused on his studies that he even quit every sports team he was in to be able to study more. Even to the dismay and constant protests of his multiple team-mates about him quitting, he politely declines coming back.

It was such a sudden change that Gunwook and Junhyeon worried and started to feel guilty, did their friend change because of them? It was such a sudden change, and a big change in fact. No one would've known that Gyuvin would become a studious student, even more so quit sports.

So, the both of them had begged you to talk to Gyuvin. You were the reason why the boy got angry at the both of them and then suddenly changed afterwards.

So, here you were, sitting at a park bench on a cool Saturday afternoon. Since Gyuvin would decline any efforts Junhyeon and Gunwook made to hang out, under the pretense that he needed time to study, you were the one to ask Gyuvin out. Luckily, Gyuvin had immediately agreed to you.

"[name]" Gyuvin says breathlessly, greeting you.

"Gyuvin" You politely smile at the boy.

"I'm truly sorry, did I keep you waiting?"

"No, not much really. I just came really early, you came earlier than what we agreed to."

In all actuality, you were worried for the boy. Hearing his two closest friends tell you that he wasn't acting normally frightened you. Sure, the brunette was rowdy and had moments where you wished you never had helped him that one fateful day, but he also had moments where he tried. No one really took such an interest in you, it was charming, and the said brunette really tried his best to appease you.

"Still, I shouldn't have made you wait. That's not what a proper..." Gyuvin halts his statement.

"A proper what?" You ask, trying to not make the air awkward.

"Nevermind, I brought you flowers by the way." Gyuvin says smiling at you, giving you a small bouquet of flowers.

"You didn't have to. Thank you, it's very pretty." You smile, looking at the flowers you have received.

"Their artificial flowers too, so it won't wilt." Gyuvin chuckles lightly, "Do you like it?"

"Ofcourse I do."

Gyuvin's smile widens, "That's good. So, what would you like to do in this fine afternoon?"

"Oh, about that. Can you sit down with me?"

The brunette sits down beside you, awaiting your words.

"First off.." You chuckle, smiling and looking at Gyuvin, "What are these flowers for?"

Gyuvin seemed shocked at your question, "Well, I just thought I'd get something nice for you on our first date. Isn't that normal?

"Ah" You didn't mean to ask Gyuvin on a date, you just said that you wanted to hang out and talk. The brunette seemed to had mistook you, but you don't bring that up. Instead, you ask the always lingering question in your head, "Gyuvin?"

"Yes, [name]?" The boy looks thoughtfully at you.

"Why do you like me?" Sure, you helped him up that one time when you first met, but that really didn't explain his infatuation with you.

"I like you because you always care for me." Gyuvin says, making sure that your eyes were on him, he stares into your eyes, "Whenever I mess up. Whenever I test your patience, you always end up still trying to help me. Like when I pointed out and laughed at your booger that one time infront of tons of people, you still offered me your lunch knowing that I hadn't eaten yet."

You stare into Gyuvin, expecting more, and more did he deliver.

"I don't know why I started liking you, I probably hit my head too hard and fell in love with you at first sight when we first met. But that led me to actually fall in love with you. From trying to see you everyday, to messing up, and you cleaning up after me." Gyuvin keeps his stare on you, "That's why I like you, [name]."

Gyuvin takes a deep breath, "If you would let me, I would like to try and make you like me back, [name]. If you would let me, I will be a boyfriend that is deserving of you, [name]."

---------

Ever since that day, you and Gyuvin started going out together. The boy had kept his promise. Once you said yes to his proposal, the brunette gave you his undivided attention. When he was studying and you happened to ask for him, he would quickly attend to you, even after you would refuse and tell him to keep studying. He always made time for you, even when there wasn't time.

He was a picture-perfect boyfriend. Kind, patient, studious and sugar-coated his words for you.

He would be the picture-perfect boyfriend but you yet had accepted to officially put that title onto him. Much to his dismay, but he would always smile and tell you to not feel pressured to accept.

Today, Gyuvin and you were strolling during the young night. The both of you were walking with no particular destination in mind.

That was what Gyuvin thought, but you were actually leading him to a local basketball court that was free to anyone.

As the both of you reach the court, you point your finger at it, "Hey! Let's go in there!"

"Oh? You want to play basketball?"

"Yeah." You step into the empty basketball court, guessing that no one was playing this late. Gyuvin follows behind you.

You look around for any basketballs, and luckily, find a basket full of them. You take one out, "Jeonghyeon told me that you were a star player. Show me your moves!" You enthusiastically say, throwing the ball towards Gyuvin.

Gyuvin chuckles, "You've been forcing me to play sports these days. Are you into athletes, darling?"

"What about it?" You laugh

"Well, you could've just said so, love." Gyuvin chuckles, dribbling the ball you had thrown at him, "Do you want to play with me?"

"How about you show me how to play first, showcase your awesome-st moves!" You clap your hands together, sitting on the lower-staircase the court had for viewers.

"Anything for you, sweety." Gyuvin sweetly smiles at you.

The boy dribbles the ball around the court for a few minutes, doing cool tricks with the said ball along the way as you applaud. After the said few minutes, he brings the ball above his head to shoot it.

"This one's for you, [name]!"

Gyuvin shoots the shot.

You clap as Gyuvin walks closer to you and sits beside you.

"How was that for redemption?" Gyuvin laughs

"More than enough." You smile at him

"You know, don't you not like sports? I'm sure Jeonghyeon told me that." Gyuvin points out

"You know, speaking of Jeonghyeon, he told me that you played ice hockey! Why don't you show me that next time?" You try and change the subject.

"It's not good to ignore what other people say, love." Gyuvin playfully furrows his eyebrows and pouts.

"I don't like playing sports, but I like watching!" You partially lie.

"Really? Jeonghyeon said that you don't come to watch his games because you found it boring." Gyuvin asks seriously

You gulp, "I like watching you do it."

"Why?"

"Because you like it. You enjoy sports, Gyuvin. You're always happy when you play sports. Back then, you would endure handling too many sports with a smile because you liked it, you like it." You repeat your last words.

Gyuvin cups your cheek with his hand. He uses his other hand to support his body leaning into you. As his nose touched your own, you bring a hand to his shoulder to stop him.

That seemed to upset him, as silent tears started rolling down from his eyes, "Does your heart even beat for me?"

Instead of answering, you take your hand off of his shoulder and tilt your head to meet his lips in yours. You taste the bitterness of his tears.

---------

"Hey bro, nice game!" Gunwook congratulates Gyuvin, excitedly hugging him.

"Yeah, nice game bro! You were totally the MVP." Gyuvin hugs the other party back.

"Only because you just started practicing last week after not playing for a whole three(3) months."

"Just take the compliment bro." Gyuvin says

"Ayo! Congrats to my two bros!" Junhyeon joins the hug, "I'll let it slide that the both of you are sweaty."

Gunwook laughs, "No one asked for you to join the hug."

The three break the hug as Junhyeon fakes hurt, "How dare you!"

"It's great to have you back on the team." Yujin speaks up, eliciting a frightened screech from Junhyeon who didn't see the boy coming.

Gyuvin hugs the younger boy, Yujin, who reluctantly hugs back, "I hope that you're happy with me Yujinie."

"I am, now, stop hugging me." Yujin forcefully pushes Gyuvin off.

"Yujin, kid, stop scaring me!" Junhyeon berates the younger boy.

"Just stop being a scaredy-cat and you wouldn't have this problem." Gyuvin defends his junior.

"Hey, Gyuvin!" Jeonghyeon runs up to the said brunette.

"Yeah, dude?" Gyuvin responds

"You played awesome at soccer today. You still up for that basketball match this Friday?" Jeonghyeon asks hopefully.

"Heck yeah! Why is that even a question?" Gyuvin proclaims loudly, smacking Jeonghyeon's back, "Is [name] with you?"

Gunwook and Junhyeon wiggle their eyebrows as Jeonghyeon laughs, "Yeah, they're with Taerae right now in the stands. They actually watched the match."

--------

His skates clash with the ice in the ice rink of the mall. Gyuvin holds the both of your hands as he guides you in skating, "You said you wanted me to show you skating." The brunette chuckles.

"Yeah, show me skating, not you showing me how to skate." You correct the boy holding you, as your legs wobble from not being familiar with walking on ice.

"Don't worry, I got ya." Gyuvin teasingly says, letting go of your hands for a split of a second.

"Gyuvin!" You scream, grabbing onto his stomach and hugging it.

Gyuvin hugs you back and laughs menacingly. The boy laughed a little too hard as he slipped on the ice, bringing you down with him.

"Talk about being a good skater. I thought you played ice hockey!" You whine

"I'm sorry, love. No one's perfect, I guess."

"Yeah, especially you!"

"Scratch that, you're perfect." Gyuvin smiles at you, struggling to stand up on the ice with you.

"You're such a cheesy boyfriend." You tease after finally being up on your feet.

"Your own one of a kind." Gyuvin says, bringing your face closer to his.

"You are not kissing me in a mall!" You berate

"Let's get out of this rink then." The boy laughs, taking your hand and guiding you to the rink's exit.

__________

That's the end of that. I'm sorry if that was actual dog shit 😔 (No offense to Eumppappa, I literally did not mention the dog at all in the story). I'll write a Sung Hanbin×reader story fiction next, I promise that that wont be a High School AU anymore. Sorry if I just wasted your time and thank you for reading.

-------

[emikotatsuya]

Sensation's Rewrite Prologue

I decided to post the finished rewrite for the prologue here on Tumblr just so people can get a feel for some of the additions and for some new readers to hopefully look forward to when I'm done rewriting Sensation. Anyway, I hope you lovely readers enjoy it!

Regarding human nature, morality is questioned in almost every decision they make. To survive in this world, they make so many drastically different choices that humans like to put into the vague terms of Good and Evil. Humans are also hypocritical creatures, acting on their selfish desires and beliefs. One person will choose and be seen as a good person, while someone else will make the same decision and somehow be seen as the bad guy. The lines are blurred so often that there never seems to be an actual line between those opposing sides. It's easier to call it a gray area, but only some people are satisfied with just that. Humans need constant reassurance that they are making the right choices. That they're the protagonists of their own story, and any minor inconvenience is the antagonist.

In the depths of a hidden world, behind the general public, those lines are more thought out and clearly stated. Forces beyond normal human comprehension exist and sometimes threaten their lives without them ever knowing. All because they don't harbor the necessary eyes to see it. Behind the scenes, the more or less good guys are Jujutsu Sorcerers. Those men and women have been born with the ability to see cursed spirits and can harness the cursed energy those spirits are made of to defend humanity from them. 

As for the bad guys, it is easy to say that cursed spirits are the set-in-stone villains. They are primarily mindless beings that move on instinct. However, some have become more powerful and evolved to be able to think and even talk in some cases. They may even gain a humanoid form if lucky, usually only present in powerful cursed spirits. That said, it goes without saying that Jujutsu Sorcerers are not all harbingers of goodwill. Having powers no average human has can quickly go to the head. Even though this happens, you never see a cursed spirit trying to be a good Samaritan. Right?

I thought about what it would be like if that wasn't the case as I walked down the dirt path deep within the woods outside of town and headed to the tiny log cabin I called my home. Almost two decades ago, I opened my eyes for the first time. Born from nothing but the forest's foreboding, I took my first steps. I had wandered the forest aimlessly for days without knowing why I existed. The first few months after my alleged 'birth', I ran into my first cursed spirit. 

It was small and looked more like a ball of flesh than anything else. When it had noticed me, it had coward away. Sensing something that I could not perceive myself at the time. Something compelled me to believe that somehow, we were the same species, or at least made of the same thing. Though, of course, at the time, I had no idea what a cursed spirit was or how they were made. It didn't take long for my curiosity to turn into panic once the cursed spirit realized I wasn't a threat and somehow bit my hand clean off. I don't remember what happened next, but when I came to, the curse was nowhere to be seen, and my hand was somehow back. After that, I made a conscious effort to stay away from cursed spirits. I was scared I was going to get attacked again.

About a month later, I finally found my way to town outside the forest. That was when I discovered what humans were. I didn't go down immediately, scared they would harm me like the curse did. I watched the humans go about their lives from the cover of the forest's darkness. For a bit, that was enough. 

I was simply content on watching. Humans were so fascinating; they were of different shapes and sizes with similar forms. They were social creatures, I learned soon enough, and eventually, I longed to be down there with them. One day, I noticed a cursed spirit had wandered from the forest and crawled down to the town. That was when I first learned of the basic instinct of cursed spirits to prey on humans. 

I desperately wanted to go down there and help, warn them of the dangers, but my fears had held me back. However, I didn't have to in the end, as a jujutsu sorcerer had been notified of the attack and had come swiftly to deal with the problem. They didn't sense me by some miracle, but I saw firsthand how strong they could be and how they killed cursed spirits without hesitation. I remember being scared to death at the thought of returning to the forest's edge after that, wondering If I would be the next one for the slaughter. Eventually, I gathered some courage and resumed my people-watching.

One day, by mere accident, I somehow changed my form. I barely noticed the change, but my eye level was lower than usual. I was suddenly shorter than I was initially. While wandering around the forest and eventually finding a river near where I live now, I was shocked to see a human face staring back at me. As embarrassing as it was, I thought a human was trapped under the water, unable to fathom that I could ever look like that. 

However, after my initial panic to rescue said human, I realized that it was actually me that I was staring at. I remember a wave of relief washing over me to finally not see the monstrous face I had grown used to seeing in my reflection. Since that day, I never changed back. I traveled down to the town below that day with my new form. I had apparently taken the form of a five-year-old child, so the adults who had first noticed me freaked out when they saw me. I was caked with dirt, my hair was matted, and I was naked. Clothes, sadly, did not come with the transformation, though at the time, I didn't know the importance of clothes.

Before I knew it, one of the townspeople rushed me to their home and threw me into a warm bath. Scrubbing away all the dirt and grime before almost tearing my hair as they brushed the knots out. They had bombarded me with many questions, all worried for my well-being. It was overwhelming. Now that I think back on it, they probably thought I was abused and had been abandoned in the forest to die. After all, no 'child' looks like that if they came from a loving family.

However, at the time, I couldn't answer them even if I had wanted to. I didn't know how to speak or dress myself. I remember the look on an elderly woman's face when she noticed how confused I looked when she had given me a tiny dress that one of the other townsfolk had run out and bought for me. Her look of pure sadness at the realization that I didn't even know how to put clothes on will forever be ingrained in my memory. The townsfolk there at the time had spent a good few hours trying to get clothes onto me. 

I had apparently struggled and squirmed so much that they had to hold me down just to put the dress on. When they were done, I finally looked like an ordinary little girl. After everything slowly settled down, the townsfolk decided what to do with me. Some tried to find my parents, though that was arduous since I didn't have any. They tried to take me in at some point, but I ran back into the forest. After all, that day was the first time I interacted with humans, and it was too much too soon.

The next day, after calming down, I returned to the town. The townsfolk had been worried and kept watch at the forest's edge. Only a few wanted to search for me in the forest because it was considered haunted. I wasn't surprised because of the number of Cursed Spirits born in it. That was when I met my Papa, a young man who had heard of what had happened and was the first person on the scene when I was spotted the next day. 

He had asked me if I wanted to live with him, but the thought of him or anyone finding out about what I was, or another Jujutsu Sorcerer coming by, had ended in me, no matter how tempting the offer had been, outright refusing him. Even if it wasn't a dangerous offer, the forest had become my home, and I couldn't bear to leave it after all this time. After some discussion, they eventually decided I would join Elementary school. Before I could join, however, they had to set up a place for me to stay. So, some builders from the village ended up renovating an old abandoned cabin in the woods. 

For the first year, one of the school teachers would walk up to the cabin and walk me all the way down to the elementary school. I would have dinner with the young man, who would walk me back to the cabin. The other kids in my grade had thought I was weird since I didn't talk, and eventually, a rumor circulated that I was an orphan. I didn't make any friends because of it. Over that first year, my form slowly changed, aging as if I were a human; after that year, I finally learned how to talk and, eventually, how to read and write. However, I had a terrible stutter whenever I did talk, as my vocal cords were not used to it.

About a month after I could talk a sentence, the young man brought something up during dinner one night. "So, what's your name, little one?" I looked up from my food to look up at him curiously. "M-m-my n-name?" I barely managed out. Ms and Ns at the start of words were the hardest to pronounce for me. "Yes, your name. A good little girl like you must have a wonderful name." I lowered my head to look back at the food, my hand tightening around the fork. "I don't have a n-name." Not long after I had said that the young man dropped his glass, causing it to shatter on the floor below; the noise made me flinch with how loud it was. "They didn't even give you a name?" 

I knew he meant to whisper it, but his emotions got the better of him. It confused me; why was he so angry? Had I done something wrong? "I-I'm sorry." His head snapped back at me, and he quickly threw his hands up. "No, no! It isn't your fault. It will never be your fault. It's just.." He trailed off. "I'll tell you when you're older; let me clean this up, okay? You continue eating your food," I nodded softly as I ate. The young man was hunched over on the floor, cleaning up the shards of glass and the water that had spilled everywhere. 

Once our plates had been emptied of food, I sat on one of the stools on the island in the kitchen while he washed the dishes. "So," He started. "Would you like me to give you a name?" My head perked up at that. A name? My own name? I couldn't help but shyly nod, giddy at the idea of receiving a name. He chuckled at my reaction and thoughtfully held his chin in his hands. "Hmm, I think I'll call you (Y/n), and for your last name, why not mine? From now on, you'll be (Y/N) Chibana." He grinned at me, "Awe- now that I think about it, I never told you my name earlier; sorry about that, kiddo, my name is Hisato Chibana. In my family, Chibana means 'A Thousand Blossoms.' You'll grow into that quite nicely. My little Hana."

That was the day my father officially adopted me. And he had wasted no time taking up his new role as my father. He was a patient man and never once got angry at me for my struggles to speak or if I was having trouble with my school work since I was starting school later than the other kids. Father had picked up everything and moved into the cabin in the woods with me not even two weeks after I started school. His neighbors had tried to stop him, warning him of the forest's dangers, but he simply smiled and said. "If I wasn't there for my daughter, then what kind of father would I be?" It was nice knowing he was there for me. It took me forever to properly warm up and see him as my Papa. I remember a day when he gave the principal an earful after he found out how some of the kids were making fun of the fact I was adopted since they couldn't exactly make fun of the fact I was an orphan anymore. 

When we got home that day, he sighed deeply and ruffled my hair as he told me to help him prepare the ingredients for dinner. "Don't listen to them, my little hana. You just have a different circumstance than them, but that doesn't make them better than you. You are an amazing young girl. I couldn't have wished for a better daughter," Is what he had told me, with a warm smile on his face. It had made him look so bright. I had clung to his leg for the rest of the night.

When I turned eleven, my happy life with my father ended. It was the middle of class, and I sat alone at one of the tables. The classroom was situated where there were fewer students than tables, and since the students were allowed to sit wherever they liked, I was the only one at my table. The teacher at the front of the room was teaching us multiplication when the phone rang. She told us to all settle down as he headed to the back of the class to answer the phone. "Yes, hello? Yes. She's here..what?" I saw the teacher go pale as her eyes landed on me, and I immediately knew something was up. "Ok..yes, I'll tell her. Alright, goodbye." 

The teacher hung up the phone."Chibana-San, please come with me." Everyone's eyes were on me as I slowly got out of my chair and followed our teacher out of the classroom. We didn't walk far, just to a different classroom that wasn't used at the moment; she sat me down at one of the tables. "Alright, Chibana-san, I must tell you some important news. It has to do with your father, Mister Chibana." I slowly nodded, my hands slightly shaking under the table as I feared the worst. "You see..while your dad was at work today, a little accident happened." The teacher looked at me with so much pity that I almost couldn't stand to look at her. "Is he ok?" I could barely hear my voice; I had spoken so softly. She shook her head, hanging low as she tried not to cry. After all, it wasn't every day you had to deliver news like this to an eleven-year-old. "Y-Your father got caught up in it, and he- he lost his life." In the end, she couldn't hold back the tears. And just like that, my world came crashing down around me.

Six years ago, my father died due to a workplace accident. They were working on construction, and some beams weren't tied correctly, so when the ropes gave way, my Papa was crushed under its weight when it fell. The information hit me like a ton of bricks at the time. The one person in my life who had helped me through each day, who cared about me, was gone forever. A week after his death, was when his funeral was held. 

Papa was beloved in town. He was an upstanding citizen who loved to help people. Never failed to put a smile on everyone's face, so it wasn't a surprise that so many people had shown up. I can't remember a single person there that day besides my teacher, but I remember the heavy feeling in my gut each time they looked at me in pity. Whispering to one another how dreadful it was for me to lose my father so young, all while I was still in earshot. Others, the more superstitious, whispered how it was my fault, that I must have been a bad omen. My teacher led me away shortly after the comments started getting out of hand. Only when I got home did I finally cry, finally began to fully grieve his death. For the first time in years, I was alone again. I didn't leave his room for a good few days. Soaking his pillows with my tears, I eventually believed those comments were accurate. Everyone at school believed it, after all, which only worsened the bullying.

Back to the present, and out of my depressing thoughts, I set down the groceries I had bought in town by the door. A sigh escaped my lips as I dug around in my pockets for my house key before opening the door. I crouched down to pick up the groceries before entering the cabin. "Papa...I'm home," I called out into the empty house as I closed the door behind me and locked it. Moving into the kitchen, I set the groceries down on the counter. I heard tiny footsteps and smiled softly as I turned around."Yes, yes, I'm home, Rose."

A few feet away was a pure white angora cat with heterochromatic eyes. The cat's eyes were blue and yellow, which reminded me of jewels. As I often shortened it, Primrose, or Rose, appeared shortly after Papa died. It was about a month after the funeral, if I remember correctly. But I could remember the night Rose came into my life so clearly.

After another long day at school, I only wanted to cry in Papa's room. Middle School was already hard to get through with all the bullying; now that Papa was gone, it felt more like I was trapped in hell. I set my backpack by the sofa before returning to Papa's room. I collapsed onto the bed and let out a shaky breath. It wasn't long before the tears began to fall from my face.

Every time I cried over Papa, it felt like another part of me was dying. How could humans even handle emotions like this? Doesn't it just eat them from the inside out? My arms wrapped around his pillow in a vice. Holding it tighter and tighter with every wail that left my mouth. The pain in my heart was unbearable. The moon shone through the window onto my form, and at that moment, it felt like I was being set on fire. I didn't want the light on me. I didn't deserve it. Not after everything I've cau-

A drawn-out mewl from the window snapped me out of my thoughts. The sudden sound caught me off guard, and I sat up, forgetting my grief only for a moment. A pure white cat with a slightly fluffy mane was on the window sill. The cat's eyes shun like jewels against the moonlight, and my eyes widened at seeing its eyes being two different colors. Its left eye was a beautiful honey color, and its right eye was a light blue. All things considered, it was a beautiful cat.

Before I could speak, the cat jumped onto the bed, startling me further. It walked over, unafraid, and laid down in my lap. It looked up at me and stared. Despite my initial shock, a soft, somber smile graces my lips. "Are you all alone too?" I wiped my tears and gently petted the cat on the head; in response, the cat meowed back as if in reply. "what's your name?" I looked the cat over. "It looks like you don't have an owner..you must really be all alone.." I looked that cat over, "I think..I'll call you Primrose."

Primrose tilted her head slightly, looking at me with curiosity. I shook my head, 'I've done enough reminiscing for one day.' I crouched down and petted her. "Yes, I know, you're hungry. Don't worry; I got you your fancy tuna." A soft laugh left my lips as I rummaged through the plastic bags and got out a can of tuna. The only brand that Rose will eat is an expensive one, but I can't bring myself to not buy it for her. Rose helped me through a lot of the heartbreak of losing my Papa. Now, as a Fourth-year in high school, Primrose remains my one and only friend.

I opened a drawer and got out the can opener. I opened the can and set it on the counter for Primrose to enjoy. After feeding my feline companion, I got to work on putting away the groceries. "Did you behave while I was away at school today?" I said as I looked over my shoulder and put some food in the fridge. Primrose, in response, looked away from me. Being an expressive cat, I could tell she was offended. "Oh, come on, you know I'm only kidding."

I threw away the plastic bags along with the now-empty tuna can. "Come on, Rose..let's say hello to Papa." We walked down the hall to a room adjacent to mine, and I opened the door. Across the room was a small shrine. I sat on the pillow in front of it and looked at the picture of my Papa. He was just getting into his thirties when he died, which came with the light facial hair he had started to grow. He had shaggy hair and eyes that always reminded me of honey. The highlight of the old picture was his bright, warm smile. One that barely ever left his face. One that I was so used to seeing.

I lit the incense on the shrine and clasped my hands together. "Hey Papa, school was okay today. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either." My eyes closed as I thought about my Papa. "My grades are doing good. I've been studying really hard as of late." My eyelids fluttered open as my eyes made contact with the eyes in the picture. I missed hearing his voice, feeling his warmth whenever he hugged me, and laughing at his cheesy jokes.

"I...I've been thinking about the past a lot today.." I couldn't look at his face anymore, and I looked down. "I'm...so sorry that I never told you...I hope you can forgive me from where you are in heaven..or wherever you are." I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks as my hands fell to my sides, forming into fists as I dug my nails into my palms. "Would you still consider me your daughter if you knew what I am? Would you still call me your little Hana, knowing what my kind does to humans?" 

I felt like I couldn't breathe as I fell to my hands and knees and watched the tears fell onto the hardwood floor. "No matter how much I think about it, the guilt keeps eating away at my soul. Was I really the cause of your death? Did I doom you?" I jolted upward with a slight yelp as Primrose sunk her teeth into my arms."Ow! Rose, why did you-" I stopped as I noticed the distress in Primrose's eyes. I took deep breaths before letting out a long sigh as a half-hearted smile graced my lips."Thank you, Rose. I had another episode, didn't I?"

Primrose nuzzled her head against my arm and walked toward the door. My smile faded into something softer as I got up, glancing at my father's portrait. "I'll see you again tomorrow, Papa." I left the room with Primrose and closed the door behind me. "What would I do without you? You might as well be my emotional support animal at this rate." I watched Primrose walk toward my room, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Right, you need your beauty sleep." I stretched my back before rubbing where Rose had bit my arm. "She bit me hard. Even left a mark, fun."

I decided that I was just going to skip dinner tonight and go back outside for a walk in the forest. So I headed for the door, unlocked it, and stepped outside. It was almost nighttime, and the sun was just about to set. My head tilted toward the sky to absorb the colors cast over it. 'It should be that time of day, right?' With that thought, I headed back down the path. Just up ahead was my destination, a small bridge that crossed over a river.

From what my Papa told me, this bridge was constructed years ago, and when the builders were grabbing stones to make up the bridge, they somehow found a big piece of emerald caked in dirt. Over the years, the dirt fell away because of rain, and the emerald was eventually revealed. Sadly, the townsfolk couldn't get it out because of where it was located on the bridge since the wall would have to be broken. Around this time of day, because of the angle it had been placed in the bridge, only during this time, when the sun started to set, did the sun's light shine through the emerald perfectly and make a beautiful design on the river's surface. Some myth was also connected to the bridge, but I can't remember it.

I stopped beside the emerald in the bridge and looked over the railing. On most days, it cast a nice green glow on the ripples of the water. Yet, today, it seemed to not be the case as the water almost had a red look. I rubbed my eyes several times to ensure I wasn't seeing things. 'That's never happened before. Is there dirt on it?' I peeked on the other side of the emerald gemstone and saw nothing. "Maybe it's a little early?" I whispered to myself softly before I took a deep breath. 'Something about this situation doesn't sit right with me.'

I shook my head and turned around. The last thing I wanted was to come face to face with another cursed spirit because I was stressing over a weird bridge. I headed back inside, locked the door, and headed down the hall and into my room. Primrose was lying on my bed, sleeping soundly. I crawled into bed, trying not to disturb her. "Good night, Rose." I closed my eyes and tried my best to go to sleep.

Underneath the river's waters lay a plaque, long forgotten. Words carved into it told a small tale of the bridge. "Beware thy soul who views the river red, For soon a terrible fate lies ahead. When visiting the gem of the river so fair, Pray your fate isn't worse than death, beware!"

[theconcealedweapon]

A lot of people say this, but many of them are not the type of people who it's safe to open up to.

What a lot of people don't realize is that suicide is not a light switch. It's often caused by pain that seems survivable at first but over time slowly gets more intense or slowly gets less hopeful for the pain to end. At what point during that timeline is someone considered suicidal? At what point should they open up about it? What happens if they open up too early and it ends up being a false alarm and they worry people for nothing, get accused of exaggerating, or get involuntarily committed to a hospital?

Also, many suicidal people could easily save themselves if they understood exactly why they were suicidal, which means that helping them requires acknowledging that their experience is difficult to explain and not jumping to conclusions. But many people who say that they want to help are often the first to jump to conclusions.

I was suicidal because of a party I was at where someone went out of his way to make it seem like I was bothering anyone I tried to talk to. This would have completely thrown off my ability to read people and made me feel like the world was a better place for people like him than for people like me, which would have been deadly when the pandemic started and the painful memory was combined with the loneliness of the pandemic. Thankfully, when I was about to leave that party, two of my friends reassured me that they loved me and wanted me to stay there. They saved my life. But before I understood what happened, I had very powerful feelings for one of those friends (even without consciously thinking about that party). At first it felt like just a crush, but it was so powerful that I could die from it. The feelings I had for her made perfect sense after I realized that she saved my life, but before then it felt like I had an unhealthy obsession with her. So I tried everything I could think of to get my mind off of her, and nothing worked. Being autistic made it much harder, because understanding my emotions and connecting with other people is much harder for me than it is for the average person.

One time, when I was stoned and saying random things to my sister and my mom, I ended up mentioning how traumatic my experience was for me. In an attempt to explain how traumatic it was and how I had to force myself to do things that my brain was not meant to do, I said that after what I've been through I'd probably be able to solve the feud between my other sister and my cousin.

At no point did I plan to do anything, or think it was a good idea, or want to do it, or think it would be easy. I simply mentioned that as a random hypothetical scenario as a comparison in order to illustrate how difficult my experience was. But my mom and my sister started yelling at me. They went back and forth repeatedly yelling "No" at me, probably about five times each separated by a few seconds each time, while I was sitting there silently trying to figure out what was even happening.

They knew that I have a disability that makes confrontation difficult for me, and they also knew that I was stoned at the time and barely able to hold onto a thought for more than a few seconds. They knew that anything I said was just words put together, and that I was unable to make any sort of plans at the time. But that didn't matter. They still felt the need to massively overpower me just because I mentioned something once that they added a hidden meaning to. For some reason, they just had to interpret "I probably could do this" as "I insist on doing this and I dare you to stop me". And on top of that, explaining why they didn't want me to do it (or what they thought "it" even was) never crossed their mind. They just saw something that seemed like an opportunity to gang up on me and they jumped on it.

And because of that, I could no longer open up to them. I was going through something that was nearly impossible to explain on so many levels. And they showed me that if I open up to them, my first priority has to be analyzing what I say in advance to make sure they don't attack me for it. I was already burning myself out by doing an amount of thinking that my brain was never designed to do, and they made it so I had to do even more thinking in order to stop them from making it worse.

But they're the type of people who would share this photo. They're the type of people who society considers compassionate. They're the type of people who would call themselves "empaths". They're the type of people who would "feel bad" when someone commits suicide. But they're also the worst type of people for any suicidal person to open up to.

If you want suicidal people to open up to you, you have to be a safe person to open up to. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't add hidden meanings to what people say. Don't lock in what people say. Don't try to take over a conversation about other people's experiences. Don't expect to be obeyed. Don't expect quick responses. Don't be more forceful than informative. Don't wait for people to be suicidal to start showing them compassion.

[dmagedgoods]

Okokok I've been waiting!!!

🛡️🩸🕷️ going through the Shield Maze

🦊 during their first meeting

😈 when reunited in Act III

And of course

😇 during the proposal

Seelah and Salvadore in the Shield Maze 🛡️ Seelah: For one of those high-up, lordly snobs, he doesn’t seem to be too bad. Looks to me like he has a plan. And I think he cares. Iomedae, I hope we’ll find those kids that run into the maze. It could be too late already. Maybe we should have listened to that other guy and shown the sword. It would have been honest at least. But I guess he didn’t want a bunch of children throwing themselves against demon hordes. They could need some real training first. And some real food. 🛡️ Salvadore: I assume having a Paladin in the group will be of advantage. At least thanks to her, I can turn around without expecting a knife between my shoulder blades. She knows how to fight and she can follow orders. For the dangers ahead, this is something to work with. ~ Camellia and Salvadore in the Shield Maze 🩸 Camellia:

How wearisome. Another knight in shining armor. And as expected, he makes it appear as if falling into this hole was his personal decision to guide us back into the light. Well, it shall be all the same to me, his eagerness to lead will prove useful to finally step out of this disgusting place. 🩸 Salvadore:

She is well trained with her rapier. It speaks in her favor that she took her lessons seriously. Lower nobility often shows higher amounts of enthusiasm and ambition than those at the top. Nonetheless, her style in battle seems a touch … concerning. – The intensity, the … hunger? Well, maybe I’m overinterpreting her passion. Many soldiers enjoy the killing too, after all. ~ Wenduag and Salvadore in the Shield Maze 🕷️ Wenduag: Conceited fool, stumbling blindly into the darkness. Show me if you are strong enough and I will grant you a weapon beyond your wildest dreams, nourishing my own power. Oh, you will play right into my hands, stranger, and never notice until it will be far too late. 🕷️ Salvadore: The way they move when she walks … Can she use them to hold her pray like a real … They seem fully functional and twitch and curve and … Did she say something? This has to stop. Getting distracted by her extremities like some kind of naïve boy who stumbled into the world for the very first time. Disgraceful. ~ Nenio and Salvadore during their first meeting 🦊 Nenio: It is reassuring to discover that the mental abilities of at least a few specimens among the crusader armies lie high above the intelligence of the average cultist. Note to self: Measure the intellectual capacities of the leopard when separated from the boy. The way it reacted in battle suggests an increased understanding of its surroundings and situational thinking. Must find out if this phenomenon is caused by mutual influence. 🦊 Salvadore: Hubristic. Respectless. And appallingly clueless for someone pretending to be a scientist. Did she think this little test of hers was even vaguely challenging? Enough of this. We lost too much time with this nonsense. She can come along, no doubt that she would get herself killed in under twenty-four hours if she was left to navigate the city on her own. Nonetheless, she will have to learn to address me by my proper title. But there is at least one thing even more concerning than the utter lack of manners of someone calling herself an academic: I can’t believe this whole land lies in ruins through the hand of people with the intellect of an earthworm. ~ Woljif and Salvadore when reunited in Act III 😈 Woljif: He means it? I can … stay? The running off will just be forgiven and forgotten? No hard feelings and all that? Maybe the chief is not as much of an uptight upper-class bugger as I thought. But of course he would take me back! He needs me after all. ‘No stealing, Woljif, put this back Woljif, I swear you will spend a week in a cell, Woljif.’ Ha, I bet he missed it and the stuff I got for him! 😈 Salvadore: I didn’t expect to see him again. Well, it is good to know that he made it. He seems surprised. Did he expect me to judge him for behavior this predictable? I knew that he would run sooner or later when I freed him from that cell. And I know he will run again. It does not matter. He is none of my soldiers and we have no contract. His abilities are useful for our group and for the crusade and I will make good use of them as long as he provides them. Well, I may admit that I missed his fanciful, confusing stories. ~ Daeran and Salvadore during the proposal 😇 Daeran: Look at him, all radiant in white, striding like this place was his already. There isn’t the slightest doubt in him that he will make it, is there? – That he will put an end to it all and stand victorious. This ridiculous confidence, this unwavering certainty, it was there right from the start. How did he manage to infect me with it? It makes my head spin. Am I floating? I can barely feel the ground. Oh, it all be damned! This future will be mine, it will be ours, I won’t allow some ugly crack in the world to take it from me! He better makes true on all those high promises! And I’ll give him another reason to! 😇 Salvadore: Lord Arendae. He can’t possibly mean … Has he ever appeared more vibrant than in this very moment? More alive? Lord Arendae. No, he is not joking. A promise to gift him forever.

He has planned to ask him, he has already drawn the first drafts in his mind, of all the sophisticated details as soon as the worldwound would be closed. It has been so clear to him: Of course, it would be him, Knight Commander Salvadore Arrigo, who would do this step and propose. And Daeran would tease him, would draw back an inch, withholding a clear answer at first, before smiling at him – a smile that would give away the truth of his feelings and …

Yes, this very smile is here, it is here right in front of him. But they stand near the dreadful ruin of this former fortress, blood falling down on them, the hardest battle of their lives right ahead – and there never has been a moment more perfect, more complete.

Lord Arendae. Lord Salvadore Arendae. The world seems to dance around him and he realizes that he has stared in speechless silence for far too long.

He straightens his back, emotions flooding from his heart, through his veins, too strong to be held by his body, he may as well be torn apart by their intensity.

But he manages to compose himself enough for the answer. An answer given with every fiber of his being.

[catlokis-blog]

How do you imagine the Boomers (and Gman as an extra partner/parent if you please, ik you’re the Gubby Mastermind) would feel about having kids? Yay? Nay? Something they want and talk about or something they flat out reject, so on and so on

OHHH ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE IVE EVER BEEN ASKED TO TALK ABOUT MY HEADCANONS AND THE BOOMER/GUBBY POLYCULE <33 i am gonna do it as seperate relationships just this one time bc theyd have different outlooks on it thoo

For Bubby he never really HAD a childhood. he was quite literally born to be an adult (canonically having been created to be around elderly around arrival)

i feel like he wouldn't really know how to be a parent. he wouldn't even have the retrospective your average person has where you can look back on your childhood and say "well, this didn't help me, and this did. this left me with wounds, and this healed them to scars"

assuming joshua is not in his life often, bubby... wouldn't know ANYTHING about kids outside of theory. and sure, he's cocky - he's "the best", - but you need experience in parenthood. experience he doesn't have.

gman does have parenting experience. depending on who you ask, it's questionable, but i like to think he's been a good father. i think he's happy with tommy as he is, though, and probably wouldn't consider any new "heirs" now that he's grown. it'd be awkward to introduce a new sibling to the family thats 37 years younger than your eldest, after all.

bubby wouldn't push for one, so they wouldn't consider it.

in coomer's case, though, i think (s)he'd (am i allowed to push the penelope agenda here? ww) get on good with kids. he has a very maternal vibe to him, if a little brash about it. someone who's not afraid to give a good scolding, but always means well

he'd be a good parent. great one, even. and he has probably considered having kids! but with bubby's anxiousness about it, i doubt it'd be a conversation they'd have without bubby shutting it down. he already fucked up one life with gordon's arm, he wouldn't want to make that kind of mistake again

coomer would reassure him that he could learn, though. i'm not sure they'd have a kid of their own, or even adopt a baby - they're both quite old! - but maybe they'd start trying to help with joshua more, make bubby feel more comfort interacting with kids.

at the end of the day, though, they'd probably just only end up fostering if anything. or getting pet babies, since bubby's shown to be quite keen of xen fauna like a certain man he shares a model with :3

[justcallmesolll]

I realise why its so embarrassing to talk about being neurodivergant irl.

yeen rambles #1

being on the internet is like walking on a frozen lake. we have to be so extremely careful with everything we do to not be harassed for it. one of these things, is being autistic or having ADHD. (i will mainly focus on autisim as im more familliar with expeiancing it, although i will say its differant for everyone.) people are so quick to accuse others of faking a disorder like autisim, and it gets to the point where people who either have or havent got a diagnosis with autisim are being acussed of faking it. but this behaviour is so much more common irl, where if you try to talk about it, the first thing thats asked is "Wait so do you have a diagnosis?"

now, things are different in Scotland compared to America, and i acknowledge that. the whole process of getting a diagnosis for something like autism is such a laborious process. first, you need to be put on the waiting list, which usually doesn't happen until you reach about year 8 or 9(more often than not, its females. a male's symptoms of autism are easily spotted and caught early on.), where you realise that "hey! actually I'm not normal at all!" and IF you get a meeting with a GP, you list all symptoms, talk about how extremely hard it is for you to literally just function in the world made for neurotypicals.

then you're asked the hardest question, which, will be asked SO many times; "Why do you want a diagnosis?" this is such a hard, excruciating question to ask someone with autism, because we genuinely don't know how to answer. Because I need it? I know that sounds weird, but I do. I need a diagnosis to feel whole if that makes sense. the reassurance that I'm not a weird, lazy, dysfunctional human being would be nice. to know that there's a reason why its so hard to simply live. to prove anyone who denies me wrong? its hard to explain and it makes you feel like a rabbit caught in a snare. if, AND ONLY IF, you somehow manage to get onto the waiting list, you're looking at about an average of two-three years until you get an appointment. another thing they'll say to you is "There's no cure for it you know." I'm so fucking aware of that. more aware than anybody around me at all fucking times. you think I'm going through this entire process for fun?? Those people are almost ALWAYS fucking neurotypical or speak to you like a five year old.

but that's why I don't have a fucking diagnosis. what the fuck does it matter to you anyway??? I don't see how me having or not having autism affects you? i know neurotypicals find it hard to grasp what it's like to be autistic. because it sounds unreal. it IS fucking unreal. but if you're autistic, you are VERY aware of it. even if you don't know what autism is. you assume that everyone went though what you did as a small child. THEY FUCKING DIDNT. you are just different. that's how it is, and that's how it always will be. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. the way I act or speak, it's not the same as everybody else. i tried talking about it, "Everybody feels that way." yes. they do. but the thing is, it's (Mostly) never true yea? with autism you're aware that you are speaking in a very unnatural manner, you are aware of the stares you receive as you speak, of the brief, unnatural silence after you finish talking. Because it's happening. it's not in your head. its real. and happening right now. but neurotypicals straight up just refuse to believe this. at least from my experience. they insist that I'm overreacting, or overanalysing it. but I'm fucking not. its happening right in front of me, broad as day.

you're constantly justifying your own experiences. trying to make them understand, until you realize, Why am I trying to convince this person? that sounds like something somebody who is trying to fake it would do. you start second guessing yourself, Maybe I am over exaggerating. I read that person wrong, or that didn't actually happen. you become that opposing side in your own head as you grow up. no-one else needed. and so, you get the feeling that everyone, along with yourself, is constantly doubting your claims. Which isn't good at all. if I don't have autism then who am i? i clearly dont know myself well enough, am i sure i'm even who i want to be? even writing that last part there, i thought to myself; Don't be so dramatic! it's not that big a deal. but it is. it so is.

Shit as it is, if there was a cure for autism, I wouldn't want it. it makes me who I am, and as fucking annoying as it is I wouldn't change it. I just kind of wish more people would understand it, or at least accept it, rather than deny it.

TLDR; it feels like most ppl including urself dont belive you which is shit, but its not at the same time idk man its confusing.

[v-anrouge]

regarding that matchup post

likes: Animals (cats and dogs especially seem to like me a lot more than the average person), gaming, anime, cooking, food, rock music, goth/punk/edgy/alternative/emo subculture, makeup and skincare (I like to feel pretty lmao), school, taking pictures

dislikes: bitter food, spicy food,school

hobbies: Acting (#1 hobby!), writing, ig I’ll put studying here since i was a honour student.

physical preferences: none

personality preferences: someone willing to protect me (I’ve been stared by creepy old men for 2 days in a row) and someone not too energetic and bubbly, anyone who is not Ace or Floyd, someone who can comfort me as I’m a generally anxious and insecure person

love languages: physical touch and quality time

extras: I’m an infj, would be in Diasomnia dorm, my personality would be I tend to come off as reserved, intimidating and cold due to my trust issues from being stabbed in the back by someone I trusted at first impressions but as I warm up to someone/they gain my trust I can be warm, caring, loyal, affectionate, and protective

Pairing you up with ; vil (i can def see why he's ur fav u two match so perfectly<3)

as i said vil genuinely matches your personality SO MUCH, he's exactly your type, vil is someone that often can come off as cold and even mean to someone who isn't close to him, but if you truly know his heart you'll know he's quite the opposite, he's a super caring man that will always be by your side when needed, never hesitating to step in if he ever gets the feelings a situation is making you anxious and always knowing how to reassure and cheer you up

vil is very strong both mentally and physically, he is also someone very intimidating and because of his status very influential and powerful so the chances of anyone trying anything with you already drops by a lot, but if anyone decides to be brave or rather, stupid enough to try they'll quickly come to regret their decision

your likes and hobbies match vil's perfectly, and it honestly couldn't make him happier, you two spend a lot of time talking about fashion, makeup and acting. but if he's honest his favorite thing is seeing you write, everytime you tell him you're working on something new (whether that be a fanfic or even your own book!) he'll always ask if he's allowed to read it, if you're not comfortable with it he'll respect it but he'll definitely try to ease you into letting him see your work until he finally manages to, he won't allow any space for insecurities in this relationship

vil is someone who will always encourage recovery so he'll def try and find professional help and help you in any ways he can as well to overcome your anxiety and insecurities, he's a very respectful person and is also very understanding and patient, he'll be holding your hand tightly through every step towards recovery and he'll only be satisfied when he sees you living your best life

Edit; forgot to add the extras oops jack and silver r also good matches for you!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #139

Which album could you listen to from start to finish without getting bored? There are two that immediately come to mind: Ozzy's Black Rain and Rammstein's Zeit.

How many people know your sexual orientation? I mean I'm open about it and I think most people who know me know I'm not straight, but I don't go into conversations with "hi I'm pan" or something. I share it if it's relevant.

Do you ever watch streamers on Twitch? I rarely go on binges of watching a WoW one, Hazelnuttygames. She's a very likable woman that even inspires me in a number of ways.

How many group chats are you in? Do you participate in them much? Only one, with Mazzy and Tez. I do try to message them often, I like talking to them both.

Are you still in touch with any of your exes? I guess Juan now, I really can't tell what the hell he wants. We're not friends on FB and I'm not requesting him, but we've been slowly talking, but I'm staying extremely rigid with him deliberately. I have too many reasons to not trust him, but because it's how I am, I'm trying to give him the chance to show he's grown.

If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? I wish I hadn't been mentally ill as shit.

After high school - straight to college or straight to work? I went straight to college, but didn't last very long.

Favorite place to eat out growing up? It was actually Texas Steakhouse, which I don't even enjoy much anymore, at least the last couple times I've been there.

Have there been any periods in your life that could be described as being chaotic? birth -> today

What’s your opinion on assisted suicide? If someone is basically a prisoner to their own body and seem to genuinely want it, people should absolutely be able to say enough is enough. This is something that breaks my heart so much with primarily elderly people, they just wither in torment.

Is the male or female body closest to perfection? This is entirely subjective; no one gets the ultimate say on what a "perfect" body is. For me personally, anatomy-wise, I find the traditionally female body to be more appealing, but it's not more "perfect."

Have you ever forwarded a message because you were afraid? Y'AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL when I was brand-spankin' new to the Internet (so like, not even 10), I recall doing this once bUT MY DUMB ASS DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD COPY/PASTE SO I REWROTE IT ALL ALSDKJF;LAKWJDSKL;AJSD;OJWOIEJRQOWEKJRR holy shit I didn't need to be on the Internet socially yet stick to ur fuckin Webkinz kid

Do you feel sorry for kids who have celebrity parents? Depends on the parenting, honestly. If you're constantly shoving them into the limelight, I think it could be very problematic; I'm in favor of protecting their privacy but letting them have somewhat of a public presence if they choose they want that when they're a bit older.

Has someone of the same sex ever called you cute? Uh I think?

Do you hold hands with your best friends? Normal best friends, no, unless it's in like a close, very personal, reassuring situation. I don't hold hands with them like I would my partner, for example, but there are cases where it'd be totally fine.

Has your friend ever held your hand and it made you feel uncomfortable? No, not that I recall.

If you have a pet is it skinny/average/or has some extra fat? They're all average, though Cookie is like, a couple ounces or something heavier than what's ideal, but she's still considered a fine weight.

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Well, it wasn't an injury per se, but the cyst I had got terribly infected, I think because for too long I wasn't quite sure what it even was and because this kind of cyst forms a hole in your skin to drain fluid, that's super easy to get infected. God that experience was a fucking nightmare. I know I've had a couple infected piercings, too.

Have you ever worn a wig? Never a real one, but maybe for Halloween or something?

Do you ever wish you were famous? No. The maximum height of "fame" I'd want is as a successful photographer with strong pieces published, but let's be honest, photographers don't go around getting recognized or have a papparazi with them any time they step outside.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? No, my dad re-married.

How long have you lived in your current home? Uhhhh, two-ish years. Maybe even three now, idk.

Do you listen to music every day? Just about. It's rare, but every now and then I'll have a day where I'm only watching content instead.

Last sport you played? Dance. Fight me about it not being a sport.

You get to take free lessons of whatever you want! What do you choose? German, I think. I very lightly study it independently now, but I do way better with learning things with the guidance of an instructor.

Have you ever swam while it was raining? Yes.

Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Multiple, yeah.

Do you know any quotes from Forrest Gump? Well, the ones everyone knows. I need to watch that movie again; I've seen it two or three times, and I know each time I cried, it's a fucking masterpiece.

Would you rather judge a singing or dancing competition? Why? Dance, given I have years of dance experience and *generally* know what to look for to recognize true skill as individuals and a group. I actually love watching dance competitions, kinda miss going to 'em.

What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave.

What was the mascot at your elementary school? A little bulldog. I still remember the art class making different versions of him out of clay and painting them all uniquely, they were really cool. I'm pretty sure they went on display in the principal's office.

What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I used to love The Notebook and saw it multiple times, and maybe I even still would, but it's been YEARS and I seem to remember them fighting like... a lot?????? Like yeah, couples are always going to argue sometimes but it seemed to be a theme in the movie that they'd butt heads a whole lot but then always end up making out lmfao like idk from what I REMEMBER the relationship didn't seem healthy. At least, uh, initially. Spoilers lol.

Has someone you cared about moved recently? Girt's sister finally got a house together with her long-time boyfriend Erich, I know he helped them move in the other day. They didn't move very far, but still, they moved, and I care very much about Ashley and her son, and Erich seems fantastic too.

Do you like to wear clothes? I hate being naked, so yeah, I like wearing comfortable clothes.

What’s your favorite song? What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It's probably still "Zick Zack" by Rammstein, and it's literally just a satire on the societal "need" for cosmetic surgeries and the like to be attractive. It's not an against it stance, but a big chunk of their songs are political commentary of some sort and it's just that, bringing to attention to how practically "vital" it's become to society to stay beautiful.

Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? While I agree with the sentiment behind it, I don't truly resonate with it or anything, I just like it because it's for some reason catchy as absolute shit lol, I just like it from a collective sound perspective.

Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. In Johnny Got His Gun, it's about a soldier who has basically had his body entirely destroyed (limbs are gone, facial features are entirely destroyed, but his brain still functions), and he's just trapped in his own body in a hospital bed recalling memories, thinking endlessly, trying to adjust all the while wanting to die. That book will chill you to the fucking bone. For The Outsiders, it's really funny, I actually VERY barely remember the plot at all, other than a kid accidentally kills someone in self-defense and his friends try to keep it a secret and protect him. I should re-read it again, like I still consider it a favorite because I remember JUST how much I positively adored it.

Do you like psychology? Yes, I find it very fascinating.

What is something your state is popularly known for? Uh... I know Pepsi Co. originated here? I know our mountains to the west are a very popular tourist location, too.

Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really, no, I prefer to draw.

What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? Let's be completely honest, MOST celebrities. One profession I've particularly never understood the income for is professional sports players, like yes, it obviously takes skill, but you do NOT deserve that much money for throwing a fucking ball around.

Do you own a Polaroid camera? No, but I'd actually really like to.

What were you last listening to in the car? Actually Girt had on a podcast, Castle Super Beast (gaming stuff), and when it started I asked him who it was because I recognized the voice, and then we were both thrilled to learn we both love Super Best Friends Play haha; two of their former members, Woolie and Pat, host it. I still watch Woolie's own gaming content.

Can you cook? No, but I'm getting more and more interested in learning, at least... I mean, it's something, given how I've gone pretty much my whole life not caring.

Do you find piercings attractive? Generally I think piercings are hot as fuck, but they can become "too much" for me personally in absolutely ginormous numbers, and I have NEVER liked cheek dimple piercings, and corset piercings gross me the hell out. Like ultimately, you do whatever the hell you want with your body, make it completely yours, but there are things that just ain't for me.

Do you find tattoos attractive? Yes, even more so than piercings, haha. Once again though, for me personally, they can become excessive, but reaching "excessive" by my standards is extremely hard; I generally am just pickier with facial tattoos. But just like I said with piercings: you do whatever the hell you want with your temple, you're the one who has to live in it so ensure it's a place you love, others' opinions don't matter.

What are you listening to right now? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO I've gotten hooked on "Final Dictvm" by Motionless in White, what a stupid fucking title 😭 but it's REALLY CATCHY please this is metal rave music

Are you too shy to ask someone out? Generally, yes. I only ever did with Girt because he asked me out the first time, and I was doubtful his feelings had changed so had BARELY enough confidence, haha.

What were you doing before this? I did my Facebook scroll of the mornin'.

When did you last cry? Two nights ago, I had this really sudden emotional spiraling regarding familial stuff. I think part of it was seeing my dad for lunch that day, feeling like a family but also like the outsider among them because I've been learning I'm left out of like... what sounds like a lot; I tried to bury it, but I keep thinking about it. But what seemed to set it off was Ashley telling me on Facebook how happy she was sure she and Girt's dad would be to have met me and known Girt had "someone like me" on his side, and while it hit REALLY fucking deep when she said it, for some reason when I laid down two nights ago and remembered it, I just broke the hell apart, grieving over how strained my family even is, the hell my boyfriend's has been through, and just what loss does to people, people who don't deserve it, and it was this feeling of missing somebody I'd never met (but also fear that Ashley would be wrong about him even wanting his son with me for certain reasons), and my thoughts from then on became such an anxiety-inducing haze. WELL now the last time I cried was while writing this answer, holy fuck

Who hugged you last? Girt.

Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yeah, which was positively fucking rich coming from the woman who said it.

Who is your favorite doctor to watch on YouTube? I don't watch any.

If you could choose any one author to meet, which author would you choose? Oh I really don't know. I honestly don't have a real interest in meeting any, but at this very minute if I was meeting one, I guess I'd go with Tui T. Sutherland, who wrote the Wings of Fire books. She clearly loves dragons and fantasy to create a whole series based around it, so I'm sure she'd be nice to talk to.

Do you like the smell of old books? Yeah!!!

How many different cities have you lived in? Three.

[sigmadolos]

@bitterseadrop​ said:  the searing pain she was anticipating did not come. in fact, there was nothing at all. her eyes went wide with bewilderment as she noticed what had happened — sigma was the one to save her from tragedy.

things were certainly not going according to plan and she had to admit, if it were anyone else she probably would have taken the chance to get herself to safety first. but him? she‘d be lying if he wasn‘t a person she was treading on eggshells around and she was sure the feeling was mutual. it didn‘t change the fact that she was in his debt though. if it weren‘t for him, she probably would have bled out in a back alley on that fateful day where a port mafia lackey had gotten the spring on her.

" oh you fucking idiot, " she cursed underneath her breath, all the while trying to stop his bleeding. her plan wasn‘t the only one that didn‘t go down as expected, as the perpetrator made a run for it when he noticed that he hadn‘t shot his intended target. underestimating him would be a mistake though, as the most inexperienced lackeys were usually the more dangerous ones.

there was no time to ponder on that now. she could hunt his ass down later and make him regret his actions, but for now she ( quite literally ) had more pressing matters on hand, " don‘t you dare die on me now, bastard. "

MY MUSE TAKES A HIT TO PROTECT YOURS FROM A FATAL ATTACK, SEND YOUR MUSES REACTION

  It’d been a swift step into Death’s path, but not a blind one. Nor a careless one, not truly. What better way to prove something of genuine good intention than taking the hit? There hadn’t been TIME for any other option if he wanted to spare her life. So the manager had taken a step into the role of guardian angel to see that the string of her life was not so abrupt cut short.

   Pain explodes through his chest, ripping through him as Sigma wavers in his spot for a moment before he tumbles to the ground  with long stands of hair and coat trailing behind him like feathers from a down bird as he collapses ono the ground. His lips part, drawing in ragged gasps of air - yet he does not cry. He does not scream or wail or thrash, but lays quietly with only his shuddering breaths despite the immense amount of pain that he had to be enduring. Perhaps there is something horrifying in that fact if someone were to reflect on it, that he can endure so much pain and stay mute, still force a wobbly smile as if it doesn’t matter. Not many professionals could, let alone a supposedly average person.

  He’s endured so much pain over the years that he is no stranger to it. Even to this intensity, it is not his first time. Had he wanted to cry out, Sigma was not sure he COULD  have. Too often even a mere whimper brought excruciating additional pain or the threat of starvation by those who’d once help him captive. Now he endured his pain in silence.

   “  A thank you would suffice.  “  He chokes out with a weak laugh, only to wince in pain when it forces another wave of fresh blood out of the open wound. His chest feels alarmingly warm and sticky while his fingers and toes feel cold, as though winter were reaching out to touch them.  “  It’s- It’s okay. If you need to go. Don’t waste it on me.  “  He swallows the pain clenched behind his teeth, tries to offer something like a reassuring smile but he’s certain it falls flat. If only because the white of his suit makes the blood all the more pronounced and visible to the eye.

   His lips tremble slightly. It hurts. The wound hurts, her hands hurt, but the pressure is necessary to stop the blood. He needs to stay conscious, that is important. And so the wounded angel still fights, with crimson stained breast and shaky breaths, he refuses to fall into the embrace of the unconsciousness.

   “  I don’t- don’t plan to.  “  Sigma struggles to form the words, they feel heavy and odd in his mouth, but still he manages to speak.  Each breath brings a fresh wave of agony but breathe he does. Because that is life, breathing and fighting through the struggles and pain.   “  S-  Sorry. He got away because of me, didn’t he?  “  The usual light of his silver eyes turns grey with misery, a light snuffed out to their spark even as he still endures.  

[samwisethewitch]

An Open Letter to Christian Witches

On this blog, I often champion the idea that witchcraft is a practice, not a religion, and that a witch can practice any religion, provided that religion does not explicitly forbid witchcraft. I still very much believe this, and the point of this post is not to tell Christians that they can’t be witches. However, as a non-Christian witch who has been deeply traumatized by Christianity, I do wish Christian witches would be a bit more mindful of how they show up in witchy spaces.

Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern of self-identifying Christian witches dominating the conversation and centering their own beliefs in spaces dedicated to witchcraft. Now, I wholeheartedly believe that this is unintentional, and most of these Christian witches seem like lovely people. But it’s still deeply frustrating and upsetting to be promised a safe space and support from other witches, only to be preached at.

Or be told that I’m doing witchcraft wrong because my ethics are not the same as someone else’s.

Or be told that I don’t understand Christianity, despite having spent the first two decades of my life fully immersed in it.

Or have my trauma invalidated because, “Not all Christians are like that!”

Or spend the majority of our time together reassuring and comforting a Christian witch who is uncomfortable with the inclusion of pagan and/or occult elements in a ritual.

These are all genuine experiences I have had with Christian witches in 2021. And in every single one of these situations, the Christian witch had a very negative reaction to any kind of constructive criticism or request that they be more mindful of the diverse beliefs and experiences in the space. Any suggestion that their actions may be causing discomfort for others was met with defensiveness, if not straight-up denial. The result is a situation where Christian witches are at the center of every discussion and demand (knowingly or not) coddling or hand-holding from teachers and facilitators, while those of us who are not Christian are left deeply uncomfortable but unable to express that discomfort without upsetting someone or being accused of creating conflict.

And I get it. I really do. Because for most of the people in the above scenarios, this was the first time they encountered a situation where their religion wasn’t the norm. But what I need Christian witches to recognize and be mindful of is that this discomfort of being surrounded by people who do not share your beliefs is something those of us who are not Christian experience every day.

In the Western world, and particularly in the United States, Christianity is a religious hegemony. (A hegemony is a group with total political, social, economic, and/or military dominance in a given area.) Everything in Western society was designed for Christians, to serve a Christian worldview, and to reinforce Christian hegemony. Everything from our government to our business practices to our media reinforces Christian values. For Christians, this creates the sense of comfort and security that comes from being part of the in-group. For non-Christians, it meas being constantly bombarded with someone else’s religion. For former Christians with church-related trauma, it means reliving that trauma constantly.

Here’s a look at an average day in my life as a formerly-Christian pagan with religious trauma. Please note that this is not an exaggeration — this is a description of what I experienced on the day I wrote this post.

I get up and, because I live with Christian family members, I walk past exactly five images of Jesus and/or the Virgin Mary on my way from my bedroom to the front door. On my commute to work, I drive past at least a dozen churches, including the one I used to attend, where my religious trauma occurred. I stop at a red light, and the car in front of me has a bumper sticker with an image of a cross and the message, “If this offends you now, just wait until you see it on judgement day!” I happen to know that these bumper stickers are for sale not at a local church, but at a privately owned, nominally secular business. When I get to work, the woman who greets me at the front gate is wearing a crucifix necklace.

I work in diversity education. When I get to the office, my boss asks me to join the local Interfaith council because I am the only person in our department who isn’t Christian. My current big project at work is trying to get a transgender speaker to visit our organization and help us lead a workshop to work towards amending a history of transphobia in our organization. My boss tells me today the she isn’t sure the speaker I arranged will be approved, because our administration might not think it is in line with our organization’s values. When she says this, I know she means evangelical Christian values. She doesn’t have to spell it out — there’s a chaplain down the hall from our office.

After my lunch break, my coworkers are talking about a church event one of them attended over the weekend. I do not contribute to this conversation. It has been several months since I attended an in-person religious event with people who shared my faith. As I’m leaving the office at the end of the day, I pass a Bible study group that has set up in our recreation area. On my drive home, I pass the funeral home where my grandfather’s memorial service was held earlier this year. The programs for that service had the Lord’s Prayer printed on them. My grandfather was an atheist.

This is my level of exposure to a religion I not only don’t believe in, but have been actively hurt by, on a daily basis. This is my normal. I’ve learned to live with it, tune it out, and self-soothe, because there is no other option.

When I’m finally able to be around other witches, many of them are coming from similar experiences. I am finally in a space where I can be vulnerable, where I can talk about what I really believe, and where I can receive support from like-minded people. But if there is even one Christian witch in the group, it’s highly likely that this space too will be dominated by Christian hegemony.

It’s a noted fact that a person exists within a hegemony, they have very little ability to tolerate challenges to this hegemony due to a lack of exposure. This is the origin of the term white fragility, which sociologist Robin DiAngelo uses to describe the discomfort and defensiveness white people feel when confronted with “racial discomfort” such as being asked to consider racism as a system they are complicit in and benefit from rather than as the actions of lone extremists. White fragility is something I have personally experienced as a white woman involved in antiracist work, and it’s something I have taken years to work through and am still actively working on. Since DiAngelo popularized this term, similar terms have been used to point to similar phenomena in other hegemonic groups, as in the cases of male fragility/fragile masculinity, cishet fragility, and yes, Christian fragility.

I’m not trying to argue that all hegemony is the same, and I am definitely not trying to say that my personal religious trauma is anywhere near the level of pain caused by the mistreatment of Black and brown people by white supremacist society. My point here is simply that being part of the dominant group breeds a very low tolerance for exposure to other groups.

Christian witches are members of a hegemonic group entering a space historically occupied by marginalized people, which creates an imbalance of power. (And yes, you can benefit from hegemony even if you are marginalized in other areas. Identity is multi-faceted. Queer Christians, disabled Christians, Christians of color, and yes, Christian witches still benefit from Christian hegemony.) The only way things are going to get better is if Christians are willing to do the work themselves of building tolerance for religious discomfort. The rest of us can host as many interfaith and secular events as we want, but if Christians aren’t able to tolerate the inclusion of other belief systems, we’ll never truly be on equal footing. Until Christians stop centering the Christian experience, it will continue to dominate interfaith spaces, including witchy spaces.

TLDR: I’m asking Christian witches to be mindful of the privilege they bring into interfaith spaces. I’m asking you to be willing to feel uncomfortable, and to recognize that your discomfort does not invalidate the work your facilitators have put into creating the space and/or program. If you truly can’t stand the discomfort, I’m asking you to politely excuse yourself instead of demanding emotional labor from other witches.

[electricbarnes]

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration 

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut 

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.  

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.  

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.  

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.  

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

             —

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”  

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :)