#i need sleep im deteriorating

[sunlit-mess]

ARE YOU OKAY 🗣🧻🧻🧻🚑🚑🚑🩺🏥

🥰😍 NO ✨️🎉

[saiyles]

whoo oc time

[skitskatdacat63]

I really got home and then redecorated for like 6 hours straight. I haven't slept in 25 hours basically 😐 and the last time I slept it was like, less than 5. This is how I adjust to the timezone change LMAO

But hey at least my F1 shrine is now more complete :D I now just need to frame the poster of Nando I got at the gp, but I have no idea where to put it. I love when I have an obsession, and then I always put the "shrine" precariously balanced on the tiny shelf on my desk. So that every time I have to find something, I risk knocking everything down

[radgeorgie]

every fucking thing hurts. my shoulder. my knee. my head. my side. my eyes. like.... just trying to fall asleep makes me want to shoot myself in the heart

[diobrando]

I hate that I cried on the phone with my brother I need to kms RIGHT NOW

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Baby come home | Salesman x Fem!Reader

Summary: He wants you at his home. Where you belong.

Warnings: Manipulation - Toxic!Relationship - Possessive!Salesman - Stalker!Salesman - Suggestive -

He wants you by his side the moment he has his eyes on you for the very first time. Did he hear weeding bells ? No that was probably a part of him that was dead long time ago.

But did he want to possess you in every way? Heart ? Soul ? Body ? Yes. He wanted that and more. Be the one who brings you joy, who makes your world, you only need him in that. Just you and him together, no one else.

But he has to play good. He is good with words, he is a natural manipulador, he is good looking, he knows how to flirt, how to move. He knows how to get anyone on his bed and even make them do things they would never do if asked by other person.

But he is not anyone. And you are not a body he wants to use and leave behind.

No. Thats why he changes is game play. He is softer, little touches, dates, random texts, gifts, whatever a good boyfriend does to get his gilfriend happy.

And you are, after all he got a good list of your information. He knows your work hours, likes, dislikes, he is a second shadow in your life. You just dont know it.

At first its a casual meeting at the coffee shop you usually go. He catches your eye as a drinks and looks down over a book.

The same book you are currently reading.

Its fate? No, he knows you love books and got the information that you were reading this one at the time. Its a good thing to set common ground. A way of connect with you.

Its lovely how you fall for him. He sees it on how you act around him. At first you are just atracted to him by how he looks. But its the little acts he does, likes sharing his umbrella with you, paying for your drinks, walking you home when its too dark, opening the door for you, kissing your cheeck and letting his hand there like he is waiting for you to jump at him.

Its a pull he does, waits for you to give in to him. When you two are official things move well. The next step its to live together. He wants that so badly, after having you for one weekend he realizes how his home really feels like one when you are present. Besides it would save you money and time. But he can see how you seem not ready for it.

He gets it. Living alone does give you a sense of freedoom, but he cant let you have that. No when your company makes him feel so good. And he can compensate you, once you move in with him you will forget what living alone felt like. You will love him so much and crave for him so much...

You just need a push. Maybe getting some nasty neighbors would do the trick ? He gets the worse couple to move right next to your aparment. You never see them but fuck do you hear them all the time. Your sleep hours start to deteriorate so much.

The Salesman does not take vengeance on them (yet) because he is the one who sent them and also, he gets you to stay at his home more often. Being able to wrap his arms around you at night and see you on mornings.

Yes he will punish them later. For now they can live.

But its not enough. He should have know better. After all you have been facing life alone for quiet some time.

Raising the price for the aparment you are paying ? That does seem to do the trick. Everytime you two meet you look so stressed but you refuse to accept his money.

"I cant ask you for that. Its my problem to deal with" You said giving him back the wones he had offer you earlier. "Besides you let me stay at your aparment enough...and you dont even let me clean afterwards, im taking too much from you"

Oh love of his life! You can take all from him. And its not enough how many days and nights you stay. Not till it becomes a forever.

He now knows he must make things...worse. It will hurt you, but he is going to be there for you. With open arms and your favorite flowers, ready to bring back up yourself and pull the pieces together once again.

Thats why he needs you to get fired from your job. It does breaks him when you call him crying over it. How it was your dream job and how someone blamed you for a mistake you did not made and now you were jobless.

It just needs time till you cant afford rent any longer. And the shame of returning with your parents its too much. Besides he has whisper in your ear multiple times how good it would be to live together. How you could decorate his house (after a small comment on how plain it looked), how you two would be able to see each other more (not that you need to know he has hacked your phone and knows where you are 24/7) and how much money and time it would save you (He already has a company who wants to hire you...at least till he convinces you to stop working all along).

He is in heaven when you finally move in. Most of your old forniture was sold since he said he did not have space for it. But in reality he wants you to pick new one. Maybe he can help with it even if he was never good at decorating.

The sight of his wardrobe with now your clothes besides his ones makes his heart beat fast. Its criminal how many times he has smell them when you are not home, almost falling asleep with one of them as he imagines the future weeding you two will have.

You two now have matching cups for the morning coffee, something he does find a bit cheesy but he also likes it. Specially when he comes out from the shower and sees them together alongside some toasts.

It feels right, it feels good. He knows he does not deserve it but he was never fair to start with.

"Here Love you should pick a new color for our bedroom" He gives you his phone so you can look over the different colors

"But...I thought you liked how it was?"

"I believe my life its too grey already. A bit of color wont hurt. And its yours too, its natural you get to pick at least that"

Him going to the most expensive stores to check for a new bed, couch and more. He wonders if he should ask you or keep it as a suprise.

Him not letting you go on mornings and making you late (no that your Boss would ever say a thing if he values his life). He cant just let you go off from the bed, your smell and heat are his favorite things. And if he feels like he needs to give you a remind on who you belong to....

Well its a funny sight seeing you go to work walking funny. And with more makeup to cover up the different love bites.

If he feels mean he is going to Force you to keep his cum inside you for the rest of the day. And he just knows when you let some get out. Too bad he will have to fill you up again.

He cant wait to make you his wife. He already has you living with him. Your old aparment was now a memory. You had said to him how much you did prefer living with him, his aparment was bigger, neighbors that were not loud and him.

He admits his heart did skip a beat when you told him how happy you were when being with him and knowing that you would always see him at the end of the day.

Oh, of course you would. From now and for the rest of your life.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Him seeing where you live and thinking how much better you deserve

[arinzu]

Rin Itoshi x f!reader with the trope

"he probably hates me" x "i love you so much"

AHHHH OMG IM SO SO SORRY FOR POSTING THIS LATE, MY SCHOOL STARTED AT JULY 22, AND MY EXAMS OMG D:

The only sun i'll ever need...

Summary : "I love you Reader... i don't know what to do without you" said rin You paused for a moment then answering "I thought you were gonna break up with me, didn't you Hate me...?"

Did i take inspo from tiktok and a few mental breakdowns i got? yes.

Reader is has a lot of insecurities, Rin x reader, popular x normal, this is for my insecure girlies out there (just so ya'k you are perfect<3)

Credits to the owners of the dividers and pictures! this fanfic style is from @chateaaa

HEY IT'S ME THE CREATOR I JUST GOT DONE AND FOUND OUT THAT MY MOOT ALSO HAS THE SAME REQUEST SO THAT'S INTERESTING <3

Everyday it seems like the media is out to get you ever since yours and rin's romantic relationship got exposed by the paparazzi's. You see your comments from posts you made years ago flooding with hate from his crazy fan-girls.

You were too terrified to communicate this massive issue with rin, and before you could process it. Time and time again it had already escalated, you dig a hole so deep that not even you who created the pit was able to get out.

it seems like every single day of your life hate keeps appearing. You can't even looks yourself in the mirror without breaking down from the comments.

your acne...

your body hair...

your looks...

even your figure was severely criticise...

It doesn't help that influences seems to catch up of the topic and starts also joining in. The more you scroll, the less you loved yourself you even notice rin getting quite distance in these couple weeks.

He doesn't start conversations anymore, doesn't stay long for cuddles, and is always on his phone... every time he does that it feels like a knife pierce your heart.

Overall your mental health is slowly deteriorating, you did try to stay strong even going as far as to publicly telling them to stop harassing you... but it just stopped for a couple days then it continued.

"(reader)?"

"(reader) (reader)!?"

You woke up in a cold sweat, frantically looking side to side just to find your lover sleeping right next to you facing the other direction. These vivid dreams keeps appearing of you committing suicide and rin's exact reaction.

It has changed... at every end of the dream might as well call it nightmare, rin calls out your name before you've committed it but this time it doesn't even show up.

You couldn't grasp the situation you dug yourself in, staring blankly at the white wall you can't sleep at this point too scared to face that nightmare.

You wanted to cuddle rin and tell him your problem, you quickly dropped that since rin was probably too busy...

With this you suffered alone, the sadness eating you so painfully and so slowly that you just wanted to end it.

...

"Oh, (reader)...?" rin called out to you, he was just woken up and was clearly very concern for you.

You haven't noticed this, but you were just blankly staring at a wall moving motionless.

"(Reader), are you okay...? you know you can talk to me" rin said trying to comfort you in the best way he can.

Feeling quite ashamed, you gave a small nod and assured him that you were okay.

TO. BE. CONTINUED

[writing-like-a-whore]

“everything about you is so beautiful.”

gojo saturo x gn!reader

(tw: body dysmorphia)

gojo had been so good to you. it was the season between fall and winter, and for first time in years, you got sick. “satoru, im fine. you don’t need to go to the market.” he waves his hand, “hot ramen is a necessity to get better. sleep, i’ll be back in 10.” he rushed away as you sighed.

you woke up an hour later. “morning,” gojo said w a smile. “morning. sorry about your ramen, it must be cold now.” he checked your temperature as he said, “dont be silly, i’ll heat it up,” he was now concentrating on the thermometer. “hmm, its not getting any better, better call shoko.” you shook your head, “dont call shoko for such an absurd thing, theres people seriously injured, toru.” he looked at you, “you’re important too. i’ll ask her to stop on her way back.” he got up to heat the ramen before you could say anything.

usually when you were sick, the feelings of depression, homesickness and body dysmorphia plagued you. this time was no different either. with every passing second you could feel your mental health deteriorating. “hey honey, ramen’s here,” gojo interrupted your thoughts. you tried to give him a smile and maybe you did because he smiled back “i’ll be right back.” you nodded. as your gaze goes to the ramen, you stare at it. you know you should eat it but maybe its better to starve, you liked how it felt anyway. you never wouldve realised how long you’d been staring until gojo put a hand on your shoulder. “youve been staring for a while now. everything ok?” you sigh as you say, “i wish it were gojo. i just- i don’t think i should eat.”

“why not?” you cleared your throat, “the answer is a bit silly. never mind that.” he looked at you, “am i serious anytime?” you laugh at that, “rarely,” he smiles seeing you laugh, “so tell me.” you hesitate, “i just have some body issues. serious ones. being sick strips away my appetite. not that it matters, i like the feeling of being starved.”

you’re nervous as silence follows your words. you regret saying anything at all so you try to just wave your hand to pretend its nothing, “im sorry.” gojo begins, “i just find it hard to being that you’d hate yourself. you’re everything to me.” oh. you didnt know what to say, which he somehow sensed. “you mean everything to me,” he repeated, “and i need you here w me. so please eat and get better.” he had a hint of seriousness, something truly unlike him. you nodded your head and he gave you the sweetest smile, one that made you realise he’s everything to you.

^^

[museofthepyre]

Im gonna ramble about Jedidiah and Sydney. Bear with me. This is a queer platonic sydidiah advocacy post.

The sydidiah dating arc feels so doomed to me and that impending doom casts a massive shadow over any nice sweet moments we have gotten/ might get… it’s so heart wrenching and devious from a writing standpoint /pos

Sydney and Jedidiah are like two trees who were planted too close together, not even of the same species. They’ve grown in sync, twisting together and fusing while the bark was still soft, weaving around each other until they’d become inseparable. Two separate trunks become one messily intertwined form, and they brace each other’s weight— if you cut one base, the other would topple. And yet they can’t survive together… they strain their branches upwards to compete for the same sunlight, every time one forms a sufficient canopy of leaves, the other ends up cast in the consequent shadow. One is always in the shade where it’ll starve, where it’ll wither, where it’ll deteriorate and take the other down with it when it falls.

And their attachment styles are so opposite from what we’ve seen… (My analysis here, some inference)

Sydney understands love as presence and affirmation and re-assuring words and touch, he needs a hand to hold like a ship needs an anchor, otherwise he’s just left to drift at the mercy of his own insecure mind. He talks about wanting something equal, I think a lot of that has to do with emotional vulnerability— he’s spent so long in a relationship where he’s an emotional mess in ways he can’t control, meanwhile Jedidiah is so… reserved. The contrast would make anyone feel burdensome, othered, isolated… even in a relationship that is loving deep down. I think so much of their poor communication/ secret keeping comes down to Sydney feeling like he’s being “too much”, or disproportionately emotional, which… is true, there is an imbalance, but it’s not Sydney’s fault. “I used to talk to Jedidiah about everything, but… I mean, he’s not just an endless well of support for me to dump all my issues into. Your friends shouldn’t have to play therapist for you, right? So I don’t really need to make him listen to all my bullshit anymore.”

Jedidiah understands love as the knowledge that someone is working behind the scenes to keep you steady, that they’re carving out a space for you to find respite in… wether you see them doing it or not. That’s what his parents did for him, that’s what he does for Sydney. He doesn’t want to get too close to the things he loves, because he fears he’ll only hurt them. He regards Sydney like an old childhood stuffed toy that he’s afraid to pick up and sleep with, it’s so precious and irreplaceable that he doesn’t want to risk damaging it… and so he holds it for only long enough to put it on a shelf for safekeeping… maybe brush the dust off once in a while.

They both need to seriously seriously SERIOUSLY a work on their communication if they want any hope of being healthy together— even if just as friends. Jedidiah needs to work on his emotional vulnerability, and Sydney needs to work on his self-assuredness… bro is the poster child of anxious attachment. And Jedidiah is the poster child of avoidant attachment. What a duo we have here! Idk they make me sad.

[meiyudo]

Enigma// ch 28

anakin x reader

A/N: Hiii- just so u know this chapter is pretttty long and very plot heavy- just wanna remind yall im not a medical professional lol so sorry any misconstruing of info (i tried my best)!! i hope u all enjoy! i’ll explain more abt the chapter in the notes at the end :)

it’s a month before the baby is due and Anakin gets some news that may alter your future

warnings: cursing, pregnancy, liver failure, hospitals, whump, medical procedures, birth

____________________________

September 26th 

It had only been a few weeks since you and Anakin were wed and his health had already deteriorated significantly.

He was now at the point where he was only able to leave the house to go to his weekly check-ups at the hospital.

When he was at home, he tried to be more active and help you out, but you insisted that he take it easy… you wanted him to meet the baby and it seemed that he didn’t have much longer so you didn’t want him to rush the process. 

His pain levels changed with every hour, though some days were worse than others. After his episode on your wedding night he had to start setting alarms to remind him to take his pills so that the medicine would be working at the optimal rate it could. 

He headed your requests for him to “take it easy” but he still did so much for you (much to your chagrin).

At dinner he would get up from his chair to help you ease into yours, he would run bath’s for you and sneakily clean up the kitchen while you bathed, and he would stay up with you when you couldn’t rest. 

You really couldn’t ask for a better husband. 

As for you, the baby was really taking a toll on your tired body- Taking care of yourself, your baby, and your husband was a difficult feat.

Somedays you wanted nothing more than to roll over and not wake up, but you were never in those moods for long. 

Today was no different- You woke up with sharp pains in your lower back but brushed them off, you had been having them all week. Rolling your eyes, you got out of bed. 

Anakin was sitting stiffly on the sofa with one of his mechanical arms wrapped around his side. He was in pain. 

“Ani?” you said, barely above a whisper. 

He turned his focused gaze towards you and his furrowed brows softened, “Hey Angel- how’d you sleep?” he asked in a strained voice. 

You didn’t miss the way his jaw clenched when he tried to shift into a better position. 

“Not too well, but I’ll be ok. How about you? Are you alright?” you asked, walking towards him. 

He quickly nodded before you came closer, “Yea-’m ok, I just need to take my pills- I’ll get them in a minute” he said through gritted teeth. 

“I’ll go get them for you, Ani,” you said, turning towards the kitchen.

Before you knew it, his cool metallic grasp held your arm and made you shiver. 

“No!” he exclaimed before clenching his eyes shut and sucking in a sharp breath. 

“No, I’m ok- you need to rest baby” he said, attempting to guide you to the couch as he hoisted himself up. 

You were about to protest when you felt an uncomfortable sensation in your lower abdomen, 

“Shit!” you exclaimed, gripping the armrest on the couch. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, rushing from the kitchen, pills still in his clenched hand. 

“Nothing- just a harsh kick” you said, attempting to suppress your grimace. 

Anakin didn’t leave. 

“I’m ok Ani, really” you said before he nodded and went back to finish taking his meds. 

The baby had been moving a lot lately, but your doctor said it was normal for babies to be more active if the mother was under stress (which you definitely were). 

____________________________

“I’ll see you in a few” Anakin waved as he headed out the door with his jacket to meet Ben at his car. 

Ben and Ahsoka had been taking turns driving Anakin to his weekly appointments since he couldn’t drive himself and it wasn’t safe for you to drive either. They had been a huge help and you would never stop thanking them. 

“Bye Ani” you said before kissing him one last time.

The ride to the hospital was mostly silent between Ben and Anakin, save for the radio that played classic 2000’s hits. 

“How have you been feeling?” Ben asked as he pulled into the hospital’s parking lot. 

“Peachy…” Anakin lamented blankly. 

“I’m being serious Anakin,” Ben sighed.

Anakin took a deep breath, “honestly I feel worse by the day but I don’t want to tell her- she already has enough on her plate…”

Ben’s brows furrowed and he stroked his beard.

“Ben, I don’t know if i’m gonna make it to the birth-”

“Don’t think like that Anakin” Ben cut into his friend’s thoughts abruptly. 

“You’ve got to have hope”.

Anakin nodded silently before allowing his friend to help him out of the car and into his wheelchair.

Anakin could still walk, but it was better for him to conserve the little energy he had.

Of course, he absolutely hated using his chair- but it was the best option. 

The clinic was abnormally warm today and Anakin was getting uncomfortable in his sweatshirt. Ben sat in the chair next to the exam table Anakin was laid up on; head rested against the wall and arms crossed. 

“You didn’t have to stay Ben, I’m sure the news is going to be the same as always” Anakin sighed, staring at the ceiling. 

Anakin’s usual doctor had just taken a few samples to run labs on; a routine procedure for him- all there was to do was wait around for the results. 

“I didn’t want to just leave you in here, It’s perfectly fine Anakin” Ben smiled. 

Before Anakin could answer the doctor knocked on the door once more; in his hand a thick pamphlet along with his usual clipboard. 

“Mr. Skywalker…We have some unfortunate news…” 

Anakin felt his stomach drop- he didn’t expect there to be good news, but he didn’t expect anything other than the ordinary either.

“Yes?” he asked with a waiver in his voice. 

“I’m afraid you have developed acute liver failure… This is when a patient develops sudden and severe liver failure without a history of long-term liver disease. In these cases, an urgent liver transplant may be their only life-saving treatment. And from what your labs are showing- a transplant may be your only saving grace, sir”.

Anakin’s eyes closed, he needed a moment to process this. 

“Alright, how long do I have?” 

The doctor sighed, “There really is no telling sir- but not long…not long at all. Most likely in the next two weeks”.

Ben sat up in his chair, “So what are we going to do for him? There are at least seventy slots before him on the donor list!”

The doctor turned his attention to the bearded man; “We are admitting him to our hepatology and gastrology ward to monitor his condition- we will keep him here as long as we can and try to find a donor that matches his needs.”

“So what I'm hearing is you’re going to stick him in a room and hope he doesn’t die before you can find a plausible liver?” Ben argued but Anakin stopped him. 

“It’s fine, Ben,” he said before directing his attention to the doctor, “I don’t care if I’m miserable, please just try to keep me alive long enough to see my wife deliver our baby.”

“Of course”.

______________________

You were lying on the couch scrolling mindlessly through your phone when Ben’s number flashed across your screen.

Odd, he usually wasn’t the one to call. 

“Hello?”

Hey- umm, we have some bad news. 

“Oh…Oh God-” you sat up immediately. 

Anakin’s condition has turned into acute liver failure and he is in the final stages… He was admitted this afternoon and probably won't-

You heard Ben sniffle on the other line as your own tears dared to fall. 

-won’t be going home again

You felt your world spinning and you had to brace yourself on the couch arm, “Can I see him?- I want to see him,” you said firmly, rising to your feet. 

“No, Visiting hours are over for the day” you could hear the frown in Ben’s voice.

They closed around the time he was finally admitted, so I didn’t even get to see him- but I have his stuff, want me to drop it off?

“U-umm does he need it?” you asked, hoping to delay the blow of reality. 

No

“C-could you just hold onto it for now?”

Of course

“Thank you” you said before hanging up quickly. 

You tossed your phone on the other side of the couch and covered your mouth with your hands. This was real- not just hypothetical dates and times… He was really at the end.

As much as you didn’t want to, you just couldn’t hold back your agonizing cries.

Anakin would really be gone soon.  

____________

You had a terrible night sleep and felt like absolute shit- not only were you worried about Anakin, you couldn’t get a grasp on the pain you began to feel through your body.

Thankfully Ahsoka was supposed to come over in a while for lunch and to take you to see Anakin at the hospital.

About an hour after you had gotten yourself together for the day, you heard a knock on the door and Ahsoka came in with two to-go boxes. 

“Hello!” she said in a sing-songy voice, “How are my two favorite people doing?”.

You weakly laughed, “not two just yet! But it sure does feel like it's gonna be soon” you exhaled as you rose to your feet. Ahsoka always knew how to lighten a mood. 

“Are you feeling alright?” she asked, putting the food on the counter. 

“I’m not sure, I’ve been feeling off this week- It’s probably just normal pains though” you said, joining her at the table. 

“How are you feeling about…” she began.

You bit your lip and attempted to keep your smile. 

“I’m… not great, but I’m just hoping for a miracle. I-I just need Anakin to be ok” 

Ahsoka nodded and rubbed your upper arms. 

“I understand- I.. Just know that if you need anything or help when the baby comes- please never hesitate to ask”.

You hated that she spoke as if his fate were already sealed, but it mostly was. He had been living with a failing liver longer than he would have admitted to (especially evident in the fact that he never asked for the extra labs on his liver because of his past of alcohol abuse) since he just was trying to ignore the facts until they just went away (they never did). 

“Thank you Ahsoka, It really means a lot” you said, before you felt another sharp pain in your lower back. 

“Woah, are you sure you’re alright?” 

You nodded with gritted teeth, “Yea, It’s fine- Probably just slept wrong” 

“You sure? I can take you to the clinic if you’re worried” she offered.

“No no, I think I’m fine- let's eat!” 

The boxes had just been opened when you felt another jolt of pain shoot up your spine. You shut your eyes and clenched your jaw. 

Ahsoka sprung to your side and placed a gentle hand on your back, “Hey! Are you sure your-” 

She was cut off by your labored breathing; your chest heaved as you slid your chair back. 

“I-I think I just need some… fresh.. A-air” you said, getting to your feet. 

She shook her head, “I think you should stay seated” she coached.

Your world was spinning as pains washed over your body; you focused on your breathing and eventually got yourself to a decently normal cadence. 

You got up to head to the bathroom to splash some cool water on your face when you had to grip onto the sofa for support. You let out a painful cry and your eyes widened when you felt something wet running down your leg. 

Your water broke. 

“A-Ahsok-” you stuttered; you had barely processed what just happened when she was already by your side. 

“Ok- Ok, umm- Just breathe- I’m gonna get you to the hospital! It’s gonna be ok” she said, trying her best to stay calm. 

You nodded and closed your eyes to focus on controlling your breathing- This was really happening.

__________________

Ben sat in the big blue hospital-grade chair beside the exam table; he was reading a history book Satine had gotten for him on wars of the past. 

Anakin was lying wide awake on the uncomfortable exam table; currently he was occupied with the small cracks in the ceiling- at least he was keeping his mind busy. 

Soon enough another physician came in to observe him; Anakin was just about over random people coming in and out of his room like a revolving fucking door! Why did so many doctors need to come in to tell him the same verdict? Wasn’t hearing that he was “gonna to die soon” once enough?!

They began talking him through what the last few days may look like and if Anakin needed someone to talk through his emotions with (He thought that was stupid- why have someone else tell him how to read his own fucking emotions?) .

The doctor left to grab something (again) and Anakin turned to Ben. 

“Do you think Snipps is bringing y/n over soon?” he asked tiredly. 

Ben looked up and shrugged, “I assume so, they probably just got a late start”.

The doctor came back in and began to drone on about some other “experimental treatments” when Ben’s phone started to ring. He excused himself and went into the hallway- it was Ahsoka.

“Hello?” 

Hey Ben! So um… we’re not gonna make it to visit Anakin today- y/n’s water just broke and we’re on the way to the hospital now. 

“Maker! She isn’t due for another four weeks!” Ben exclaimed.

I know- Skyguy wasn’t picking up. Just let him know what's going on. I’m pretty sure she wont be up there to see him anytime soon though.

“Alright, I’ll let him know, be safe- And good luck y/n” Ben said before hanging up and swiftly making his way back to Anakin’s room. 

Ben quietly knocked but urgently entered the room; the doctor and Anakin’s focus both shifted to him. 

“Ben, You alright?” Anakin asked- he could read the worry all over his friend’s face. 

“Anakin… y/n has just gone into labor”

Anakin’s eyes widened and he sat up abruptly before grabbing his side in pain. 

“Woah, take it easy Mr. Skywalker” the doctor informed, placing his steady hands on his patient’s shoulders. 

“I need to see her!” Anakin exclaimed, trying to push himself up. 

“No, you don’t need to overexert yourself, you’ll just worsen your condition”

“Doc, she’s a month early- I need to be there for my wife” Anakin protested, pushing himself off of the examination table. 

Thankfully he was already wearing his prosthetics today; even though it wasn’t recommended he was allowed to wear them some days (much to his physician’s displeasure). 

The doctor ignored his protests and kept him sat. 

“Sir I cannot let you leave, you are my patient and I need to look after your wellbeing and exhausting yourself by going all the way to the maternity ward is not in the interest of your physical wellbeing!”

Anakin’s gaze hardened and he looked over the physician’s shoulder to Ben, “Is she alright Ben? Maker-Please tell me she’s alright” he begged. 

Ben gave a sympathetic look before sighing, “I’m not sure, Ahsoka didn’t give many details”.

Anakin threw his head back onto the plush table and let out a defeated sigh. 

“I am very sorry Mr. Skywalker, but I need to continue your exami-”

Anakin shot up again, this time with all of his strength. His eyes conveyed desperation, sadness, anger, and worry as he wrapped a mechanical hand around the doctor’s wrist.

“We both know my condition is a death sentence- unless I miraculously get a donor in the next week, I’m not gonna see the end of the month. So hear me when I tell you I will not sit idly by when my wife is scared and alone giving birth for the first time. I will not leave her feeling like i didn’t care” Anakin physically shook with emotion. 

Ben came to his side and tried to talk him down; even if he disagreed with the doctor’s order, he was the more level headed between himself and his friend. 

“She is my wife and I will be by her side to see our baby born- even if it’s the last thing I do, at least I was there with her and left her knowing I'd come when she needed me.” 

The doctor’s own eyes began to water once he was released from Anakin’s hold, but even so he shook his head, “I-i’m truly sorry sir, B-but I do not-”

“I could drop dead any fucking day! Can you not just let a dying man be there for his wife?! For Goddsake, my wife is delivering four weeks early?! She’s probably terrified down there!” he practically screamed.

The doctor looked to Ben for guidance but only found the bearded man casting a disapproving gaze his way. 

“He will find a way to leave regardless of what you prescribe” Ben warned. 

Finally, after a moment of contemplation, the doctor nodded and shortly left the room, “I hope you realize, this is not a wise decision- I will have to refer you to a different physician”. 

Anakin’s eye twitched at the man’s words, it was basically a “fuck you” to him. But he didn’t care, what he cared about was getting to you. 

____________________________

Ahsoka drove like a madwoman to get you here quickly; once you arrived you were taken from the emergency room to the maternity ward. Ahsoka wasn’t allowed to come into the room with you, so she was left pacing the waiting room nervously. 

Another wave of searing pain washed through your body as you clenched your eyes shut. You bit back a scream and clawed at the hospital grade mattress beneath you. 

Maker, you were never doing this shit again. 

Your whole body trembled as you let out a strained cry. You weren’t due for another month- why was this happening now? Was the baby going to be alright?

After another cry you managed to get one of your many questions out.

“W-Where’s Ana-anakin?” you huffed out to a nurse (who definitely had no idea who you were talking about).

“What’s that darling?” she asked, trying to be as comforting as she could.

“My h-husband, Wh-where is he” you asked desperately- your mind was in a whirr and you were not thinking straight. 

“Does he h-have his legs on? Or d-does he need my help-” 

“I’m sorry mam, I don't understand?” she offered. 

You were about to speak again when another sharp pain nipped at your lower back; you groaned and pushed your head back into the pillows behind you. 

What if Anakin wasn't coming, what if something happened?

You trembled in pain and fear- this was all new to you and you were alone…

After what felt like ages another midwife came in to assist- she seemed more experienced than the first one; once she saw your scared state she immediately went to comfort you. 

“ts all gonna be alright, Hon. We’re gonna fix you up with some pain meds and make you as comfortable as we can- The baby ‘s gonna be alright ‘n your husband’s comin’ soon- just try to breathe'' she spoke with a warm southern accent that almost made it seem like what she was saying was true. 

You nodded and took one of the ice chips she offered you. The cold chip felt nice as it melted in your mouth; they provided some much needed cooling from your uncomfortably warm body. 

Your eyes were soon shut tightly from pain, “I-I don’t th-think I can do t-this” you cried as you braced for another rush of pain. 

In the moment the sensation reached its peak, the door burst open making you gasp; you couldn’t help the overwhelming sobs once you realized who it was. 

Anakin- he was standing tall and covered in the required scrubs; they fit him terribly and one of the other midwives had to hold them up as he stumbled towards you. 

“Angel!” he called once he was by your side. 

“Ani! You came?!” you exclaimed, desperately reaching for him. 

“Of course I came, Sweetheart, I wouldn’t miss it for the world” (and that was really true). 

“A-are you going t-to be ok? What about your l-liver?” you fretted over your husband’s condition. 

“I’ve got it taken care of, just focus on breathing for me, ok?” The calmness of his voice helped your worries subside.

Your eyes opened just enough to look over his worried features before you screwed them shut once more. You pushed your head into the pillow as your back arched in pain. 

“A-Ani” you cried as you grabbed onto one of his mechanical hands; good thing he couldn’t actually feel your grip because it definitely would have pained him. 

“Shhh- it's all going to be ok princess. you’ve got it” he said sweetly as he ran his other hand over your hair. 

“I-I’m sorry Ani” you sobbed. 

“No, no! What do you have to apologize for? Nothing baby- nothing” he said, pressing kisses to your temple. 

“The baby wasn’t due for f-four more weeks- I put them in d-danger”.

“What? No, they just wanted to come see us early- that's all. You’ve done nothing wrong” he tried to smile. 

He was a good actor, but you knew he was hurting just as much as you were. 

With what little strength you had left, you pulled him closer; “I-I’m scared…What if the baby doesn't make it Ani?”.

His brows upturned sadly, “Oh no, baby- don’t think about that now, you’re doing great and so is the baby”. 

Somehow his words calmed you (even though he wasn’t the least bit certified to be telling you these things).

You nodded and asked him to hold you closer and he did the best he could. 

You fell in and out of consciousness but were still able to follow the midwife's instructions. The whole time Anakin stayed by your side comforting you (and hiding his own pain from you). 

“She's losing a lot of blood” a midwife relayed to the doctor, who then barked some orders to another nurse. 

“Did you hook her up to the IV?” one of them asked.

“What?! What’s happening?” Anakin demanded, walking closer to the nurse at your feet.

“We’ll have to do an emergency C-section” the midwife said to the doctor, ignoring Anakin’s worried questions. 

“Is she going to be alrig-” Anakin started. 

“Sir, Please back away- we’re handling it.”

He was about to respond when you tugged weakly on his arm begging for him to come back. He bit his lower lip and quickly made his way back to you. Your eyes were unfocused and glassy.

“A-ani, I can’t- I c-can't-” you croaked out as your body began to wear down.

“It’s going to be ok Angel. It’s going to be alright, just stay awake for me” he repeated as he brushed the loose strands of hair out of your face. 

After a particularly painful contraction you fell limp and Anakin’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Y/n!? Baby, please wake up for me- please” he begged as he caressed your flushed face. 

He felt his tears falling- he never thought he would be the one to lose you.

After a moment your eyes hazily opened and closed; Anakin’s pulse was racing as he attempted to gain your attention. 

“That’s it Sweetheart! Just try to stay awake for me please” he cried as your eyes finally landed on him (thought they were still unfocused).

“A-Ani-”

A midwife began to unlock the wheels of the hospital bed; an odd feeling washed over Anakin and he stood still for a moment gripping onto the bed rail for support. 

“Sir, Please move your hand off of the bed” the nurse sternly asked. 

No response. 

“We need to take her into surgery right now. Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to-” 

Anakin collapsed onto the floor with a thud- the nurses initially figured he passed out from the stress of watching his wife give birth, but once he started clawing at his side in agony they realized it was something else.

You heard his painful howls and snapped back into reality (just for a moment). 

“Anakin!” you exclaimed as you watched him struggle on the floor beside you. 

“Sir- Sir what’s wrong?” one attempted to ask.

“He’s in the last stages of liver failure- He needs a doctor!” you cried. 

All you wanted was to go to him, but your own pain was immobilizing. The next moments were a blur; first they wheeled you down to the operation room- you cried on the way, begging for them to let you stay with Anakin (you were not in the right head space to be making any decisions). 

Anakin was left on the floor as they took you out of the room- was he ever going to see you again? He felt himself slipping away…

He felt the darkness clouding his vision. 

He felt… 

***

a/n: it’s getting hella juicy… i hope this chapter wasn’t too everywhere haha… i’m not gonna lie idk that much abt liver failure but i do know abt acute liver failure. the next chapter is gonna have some medical stuff too and some of it is pretty rare, ngl (mostly pertaining to the birth) just cause im a sucker for drama- so sorry if it’s not the most realistic (everything i’ll write in the next chapter is possible tho/ just in very specific circumstances hahah)

Also i’m not the best with timelines and not entirely sure how long some of these medical things last… oops- that all being said!!! thank you all for the support and interest in my story :)

taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimone12 @fallinlovewithevil @sythe-skywalker

[megalony]

Heartache

This is a new Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid) imagine that will either have a follow up or a mini series. I hope everyone likes it, feedback and requests are always amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn  @noonenuts @sleepylunarwolf @coverupps @justagirlthatlovedtoread

@jonahhauer-kingg @melaninjoys​ @luna2034 @mystiqueprincess

Masterlist

Summary: While Eric is away on a short voyage, (Y/n) becomes ill and when he comes back he finds his wife's state deteriorated and a secret lurking in the shadows.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you have to go soon?" (Y/n) looped her arms around Eric's waist and binded her chest up against his back with her lips pressing light kisses between his shoulder blades. Effectively stopping him from getting dressed, leaving him stood in his trousers and his shirt laid on the back of the chair. She could feel the shiver running beneath his skin and his hands that came to rest over her own that were clasped together on his lower stomach.

One week wasn't nearly as long as some of the other voyages Eric had made in the past, but it was still a long time to be parted from him. (Y/n) didn't like sleeping on her own and when he wasn't here she felt at a loss for what to do.

Eric let his eyes wander over to the clock on the bedside table and held his breath for a few seconds. He did have to go soon, everything was packed and ready to board the ship and they needed to set off on time to be right with the tide.

"Afraid so, but it's only a few days sweetheart." He wiggled round until he was facing (Y/n) and brought his hands up to cup her face. He had to go soon, tardiness was frowned upon and he had to set a good example. The crew would be less accepting if he turned up late with his mind on other matters and his role became slacking.

Leaving had never been so hard until (Y/n) came around, then Eric found himself lost, torn and uneasy whenever he had to go and she couldn't join him. The days became longer and the destination was never as joyful as returning home to the girl who held his heart in her hands.

"You'd best get dressed," (Y/n) mumbled her words against Eric's lips and scratched her nails along his hips. She didn't realise how badly she was enticing him to stay right here and void this voyage for another time.

The willpower Eric had built up was slowly wavering as he looked down upon his wife in his arms and brushed his thumb along her cheek before he captured her with a kiss. This image was going to power him through until he came back home to her. The thought of (Y/n) stood there with her hair falling freely around her shoulders, her dress loosely sliding off one shoulder and a smile that had the power to kill.

"I love you."

"I love you too, now you need to get ready."

With his shirt and overcoat thrown on hazardly, Eric tangled his fingers in his hair, taming the wild curls down enough to look presentable before he turned back towards (Y/n).

"I'll be back in a few days," He confirmed with a nod of his head before he leaned down to capture a gentle kiss. As soon as the touch was there it was gone again and he was retreating, smiling brightly but longingly before he disappeared from the room.

"Just a few days," (Y/n) mumbled quietly to herself with a nod of her head. She just had to get through this week without him, then she could have Eric back to herself and find a way to tell him her news.

that gave her a whole week to wonder how he was going to react, what he was going to say and what would happen after he found out she was pregnant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I'll be back in a few days.'

Those words kept running circles through (Y/n)’s mind and when she closed her eyes, those words and Eric’s smile were all she could see. That was all she could think of these past five days, there had been a silent countdown in the back of her mind just waiting for Eric's voyage to come to and end and for him to come back home. It felt like he had said 'we'll talk tomorrow' because tomorrow was never here, it was always today.

Rubbing her reddened, sore eyes with the back of her hand, (Y/n) tipped her head back like she was trying to tip all of the tears into the back of her head to stop them from falling. She felt like she had shed far too many tears already over the past two hours, but they kept on coming and her face felt sticky and tight from the saltwater. The shaking she had felt for over an hour now didn’t seem to be over yet and (Y/n) wished she would just blackout at this point to make everything stop.

The bleeding hadn’t stopped yet but it wasn’t too extensive, the cramps were dull to the point (Y/n) could ignore them, her body was shaking but not as horribly as she had been earlier. She felt like she was beginning to overheat despite the bathroom being very cold and (Y/n) only being in her flimsy nightgown. If she blacked out now and went to sleep for a little while it would be a blessing in disguise.

What was she going to do now?

If she had told Eric before he left about being pregnant, she wouldn't know how to approach him when he eventually came back. What kind of conversation would have happened then if he already knew? How would she tell him she had gone and lost the baby while he'd been away on business?

Maybe this way it was better. If fate planned for (Y/n) to lose the baby, she would rather not have Eric know in the first place. She didn’t want the pity he would feel for her or the way he would hover around her to check if she was alright or walk on egg shells around her.

She didn't want the conversation that would occur if she told him that she had been waiting for the right moment to tell him she was pregnant and then went and lost the baby anyway. Eric didn't need that kind of pain when he came back.

(Y/n) didn't want him or anyone else knowing. She didn't want the disappointment people were going to feel towards her or have anyone wrapping her up in cotton wool to smother her with sympathy she didn't deserve.

But her mind was still conflicted.

Her mind was certain that Eric being oblivious was the best thing for him but her heart was crying out for him. She wanted his arms wrapped around her and his lips on her skin and his voice lulling in her ear, calming her down and helping her to sleep.

Even though she knew he would be heartbroken, conflicted and desperate to help her, she wanted him here. She wanted the affection and comfort Eric would make her feel.

(Y/n)’s aching heart wanted Eric, but her mind was desperate to keep him away.

With a shaky breath, (Y/n) pushed herself up from leaning against the wall and moved onto her knees instead. She couldn't stop the cry from bubbling past her lips when she tried to move her hands but they weren't under her control from how badly she was trembling.

She pushed the two bloodied towels into the corner of the room before grabbing the shirt that had been crumpled up on the floor when (Y/n) first stumbled into the bathroom. It was one of Eric's dress shirts that (Y/n) had been clinging to since he left because it still had his smell and cologne and during the nights, it was a comfort to help her sleep.

(Y/n) let all the energy dwindle away from her body and with little effort, she flopped onto the tiled floor on her side. Her knees coiled up to her aching stomach, her arms bound around her chest and kept the shirt tucked between her hands. She tilted her head down to bury her nose in the collar of the shirt and took a deep breath, inhaling Eric's scent like it was smelling salts to make her feel better.

She didn't care how cold the floor felt against her burning skin or the light chill in the midnight air creeping through from the bedroom. Even the bright light shining down upon her didn't bother (Y/n) anymore. With her eyes closed and her face buried in his shirt, she let her mind wander and welcomed the darkness with open arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eric couldn't hide the slight disappointment from his face when the first person he set his sights on was his mother. He loved her to pieces, he truly did and even when they didn't see eye to eye, their bond was never severed. But right now, with his bag in his hand and Grimsby stood on his right, all Eric wanted to do was set his sights on his wife and wrap himself around her.

A week had gone by quickly but it had felt like a week of withdrawl symptoms for Eric to be away from (Y/n). He had to sleep without her at night and refrain from reaching his arms out in the dark to find out where she was. He had to keep himself busy every minute of the day so his mind didn't wander too far and get lost on the thought of his wife, miles away and out of reach.

If Eric ever went on a voyage without (Y/n), he could guarantee that the moment he stepped through the castle gates, there she was. Stood at the doors waiting to jump into his open arms and whisper how much she had missed him.

He didn't get that today.

(Y/n) was always the first person he set his sights on when he came back, always. And she wasn't here. He wanted to find her and tuck her back into his heart where she belonged.

Eric didn't like the look on his mother's face. She didn't look angry, he knew that expression well. And she didn't look disgruntled or irritated but he couldn't place how she was staring at him.

Uncertain; that was the word that best described what was written all over her features.

"I'll get the rest of the bags, sir."

"Thank you, Grimsby." Eric patted his shoulder before he dropped his bag down at his feet and moved to embrace his mother. She gripped his shoulders tightly like she thought he was a ghost standing in front of her. Nothing bad had happened on his voyage, everything had gone to plan and they were home a few hours earlier than expected, but they let the palace know of this beforehand.

So why was she looking at him like that?

"I haven't been gone that long, mother. Is everything alright, where's (Y/n)?" Leaning down, Eric pressed a kiss to her temple but he couldn't stop himself from looking around the hallway in case (Y/n) were to come out from the shadows at any given moment.

He moved his hands to hold her elbows, steadying her but also keeping her close while he waited, somewhat impatiently, for a response.

"It's been a trying week. (Y/n)'s upstairs in your room-"

"Great, I'll go up and see her."

"Eric, she's not well."

He spun round on his heels, halfway between walking away from his mother and being pulled back towards her when she called back out to him. Something sparked to life in his vibrant blue eyes but his shoulders raised and tensed when he watched his mother press her lips together tightly in a way she did when she was nervous.

"Why, what's wrong?" He didn't like the way his mother reached back out to hold his hand tightly. It was something she did when she wanted to try and calm him down and that told him all he needed to know. Something was very wrong with his wife for his mother to be this worried about his reaction.

"I don't know. She locked the door yesterday and won't let anyone in, she won't even take any food the maids left outside the door. We didn't know what to do."

"Grimsby, with me now please."

Eric flagged a hand out towards Grimsby who was just walking back through the doors before he set off in a run up the stairs.

This had never happened before. (Y/n) didn't like people around her if she was ill, Eric knew that from experience. He was the only person (Y/n) would allow to be around her when she was ill, she didn't even let the maids in the bedroom if she had been sick, no one came near her she didn't like it. She didn't like the looks of pity or the fussing unless it was Eric caring for her and he was much the same.

But he'd never known (Y/n) to lock herself away like this, but then again, he had never been away while she had been ill. He was always here if (Y/n) was sick or feeling under the weather. His mother had never had to try and look out for her or look after her if she was unwell and Eric wasn't around to help.

His feet bashed loudly against the polished steps as he propelled himself around the corner and up the second set of stairs before making a beeline down the corridor. His chambers had never felt so far away than they did in this moment and he was sure the corridor was getting longer, stretching out before him to add more distance between him and his beloved.

Eric was out of breath by the time he arrived in front of his room and for a few seconds, he stood deathly still and as silent as a mouse. His harsh breaths were the only sound in the corridor, other than Grimsby's fast approaching steps.

He leaned close to the door and waited, listening for any sounds, whether it be (Y/n) crying, coughing, screaming or even laughing. Eric just wanted to hear something that gave him an indication of what was going on behind that door, but he heard nothing.

He tried to jiggle the handle, just in case the maids had simply presumed it was locked or (Y/n) told them it was to keep them away. Or in case she knew he was coming back soon and had unlocked the door ready for him to come and see her.

It was locked.

"(Y/n)? Sweetheart it's me, I'm back, can you open the door please?"

Eric heard something on the other side of the door and he pressed his ear against the wood to try and work out what it was. Something muffled, (Y/n) had said something but it was too quiet and distant for Eric to try and work it out. He couldn't hear her moving though, all he heard was (Y/n) mutter something before the room went quiet again.

"(Y/n) open the door."

Tilting his head, Eric glanced over at Grimsby in case he had any bright ideas but the older man looked just as stumped and worried as Eric felt. Was there a spare key to this lock? The only key Eric knew of was the one on the other side of the door that always stayed in the lock, just for safety. Eric had never been locked out of his and (Y/n)'s chamber before, he'd never been on the outside, begging to be let in. He hated it.

Jiggling the handle again, Eric almost pulled it from the door before he sighed through gritted teeth. The door was going to open one way or another, he would make sure of it. He had to get in that room and see what was going on with his wife. If (Y/n) was ill, Eric had to be in there with her.

His hand curled up into a fist and before he could stop himself, he thrashed his knuckles on the door, loud enough for (Y/n) to hear wherever she was in their room.

She was crying.

Eric heard a cry as clear as ever and he felt Grimsby take a step closer to him, signalling that he too had heard her begin to cry.

"Sweetheart talk to me, what's going on in there? If you can't open the door tell me because I'm about to break it down." He wasn't waiting around for very much longer.

If (Y/n) had had a fall or she was too ill to come and unlock the door all she had to do was tell him and he would break the lock to get to her but she had to talk to him. He needed to know if she was badly hurt or just in pain or if he had to get the doctor out to come and assess her. If she could open the door she had to do it now before Eric lost his patience and kicked the door down to get in.

"Sweetheart I'm begging you to talk to me, I'm not gonna ask again. What's going on?"

Both Eric's hands planted down on the door and he tipped his head forward until his temple was against the door. He would pray if needed to get him inside and for (Y/n) to be okay when he got in there but he couldn't wait outside forever, begging to be let in.

Something was wrong with his wife and if she hadn't opened the door by now that told Eric that she couldn't physically get to the door to let him in.

Someone should have tried to find the spare key or pick the lock and see to her before Eric came home. But (Y/n) didn't want anyone in there with her, maybe she had been waiting in agony for Eric to come home because she didn't trust or want anyone else.

"I'm breaking it."

Eric moved his hand towards Grimsby to make him take a step back before Eric himself moved back. He gripped either side of the doorframe and counted to three before he lifted his leg and smashed the heel of his boot into the door. Another swift kick broke the wood and sent the lock flying across the room as the door swung open wide.

He didn't know what he would be walking into and his mind tried to brace him for any and all kinds of situations behind the door.

It took Eric a few seconds to locate his wife. He peered to the left towards the adjoining bathroom but the light was off and the door was partially open, she wasn't in there. He took five long strides into the room and looked around.

The bed was askew. Pillows were strewn all over the bed and two were on the floor like they had been tossed away in anger or frustration. The covers were knotted up into a ball and partially hanging off the end of the bed and a thin sheet was tangled up on the floor.

When Eric moved towards the end of the bed and stood near the closed balcony doors, his heart lurched up into his throat.

There she was.

(Y/n) was curled up in an awkward ball on the floor, half wrapped up in the tangled sheet like she was failing miserably at trying to hide herself away.

Eric collapsed down to his knees beside (Y/n) and reached his hands out, trying to be delicate and careful when he cupped her face in his hands. He brushed her fallen hair out of her eyes and gently tilted her head up so she was looking up at him. Tears were stained all down her face and her lower lip was speckled with blood from how badly she had bitten her lip while he was away. He could feel the way she was shaking, her tremors were vibrating into his bones but it was her fever that sent a spike straight through Eric's heart.

"Fetch the doctor." Tears welled up in Eric's panic-stricken eyes when he looked over at Grimsby who was taking in the state of the room with worried eyes.

"No," (Y/n) lifted a shaking hand up to cup Eric's wrist but all she could do was choke on her words and lean into his touch that she had been aching for all day yesterday and all last night.

"No? Baby, I've just broke down the door because you're collapsed down here. You're clearly not well, you are getting seen by the doctor whether you like it or not."

It was almost laughable, here she was either trying to tell Eric she was okay or deny the fact that she was ill enough to warrant the doctor when he could see with his own eyes that she wasn't well. She hadn't been eating for almost two days, his mother had told him that, she was hiding herself away here and she was barely conscious on the floor. There was no way Eric was risking not calling the doctor to check (Y/n) over.

He looked up to see that Grimsby had already fled the room to call the doctor and it was a relief. It meant (Y/n) had no reason not to talk to Eric now that they were alone and he could get her back to bed and try to figure out what had been going on while he was away.

"Alright baby, I'm gonna pick you up now, okay?"

(Y/n) stayed limp on the floor but she loosened her muscles enough for Eric to move her with ease. He looped her arms around his neck before he scooped her up in his arms bridal style and held her close to his chest. Her mind fogged over when she tucked her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent that had all but vanished from the shirt she had been cradling for the past week.

He tried his best to be careful when he laid (Y/n) down on the bed but when he went to pull away, (Y/n) found some hidden strength in her arms and deadlocked them around his neck.

She could feel him sighing into the crook of her neck before he suddenly climbed over her and awkwardly moved onto the other side of the bed so he was next to her. He laid on his stomach, hovering over the top of (Y/n) without resting any of his weight onto her. His hands dug comfortingly into her hips and he kissed his way up her neck and along her jaw until their noses were brushing together and their lips were centimeters away.

"Tell me what's happened baby."

What was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to tell him the truth and break his heart as well as hers? Would it be fair to keep such a secret from him?

Yesterday had felt like a dream, everything had happened so quickly and (Y/n) couldn't remember most of it.

She remembered waking up in the bathroom and crawling through the bedroom until she could lock the door and keep herself safely tucked away in her room until Eric came home. Every time Hannah, the maid, would knock, (Y/n) had sent her away. She didn't have the stomach to touch any of the food left outside the door and all she could do was sleep away the pain and fatigue she felt.

It had gone smoothly until this morning.

The cramps came back with vengence and her vision started to spin and blur until all she could do was keep tilting her head whichever way the room was turning. When she tried to get out of bed her legs didn't cooperate and she had no idea how long she had been laid on the floor.

Hearing Eric's voice made her cry out in relief when she knew for sure that she wasn't imagining him.

He had come home, he had come back to her and he was here right now in front of her, just like she had cried and prayed for him to be. But now she didn't know what to tell him or what to do or what to say. If the doctor came and examined her they would find out what had happened and if they told Eric it would hurt him and she didn't want to do that.

But if the pain didn't go away, (Y/n) knew she would need a doctor soon.

"Baby, talk to me." Eric brushed his fingers beneath (Y/n)'s eye and across her cheek when it looked like she was about to pass out or fall asleep. He needed to know what was going on, she couldn't fall asleep on him yet.

"I- I didn't know what to do, everything hurts a-and then I couldn't get up. I just wanted you home."

"I'm here now, sweetheart. We'll get you better, everything will be fine I promise."

She could feel him kissing her temple and his words soaked into her skin like a soothing remedy but it didn't stop (Y/n) from shedding tears. Everything wouldn't be fine when Eric found out what had happened, how (Y/n) had failed while he was away.

(Y/n) just wanted to sleep, everything would feel like a dream in the morning.

"Hey, hey no you stay awake with me. I've just come home, you can't sleep yet baby." Eric rubbed his thumb against (Y/n)'s cheek and tilted her head to try and stimulate her and keep her awake but it wasn't working. He watched her eyes flutter to the back of her head before her head lolled against his arm and she was out.

With a sigh, Eric reached down for the cover and draped it over them both because he could feel (Y/n) shaking despite how flushed she was. His fingers slowly carded through her hair and his lips pressed to her temple. All he could do was wait with her for the doctor to come and assess her.

He shouldn't have left.

[briarpatch-kids]

Why are people using burrito test as an analogy for porn ban? Yea, nsfw bans target lgbtq people, there are problems with it, but there is no reason to compare these two bad things. One is objectively worse. If a grown adult cannot go to the bar, have a smoke, make some food or decide their own sleep schedule because someone else is depriving them of autonomy, that is worse. Worse than being unable to post ass. Especially because there are still plenty of places to do that. I was briefly involuntary institutionalized, so I speak as someone with more privilege than most, but it is not the same. It will never be comparable. my windows had bars, steel bars. I had to fetch a staff member to open the bathroom door. I had 30 minutes on the phone each day. Staff decides how long you get on the tv. Staff decides if you can listen to inappropriate music. Staff decides if you can go outside each day. Staff decides what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Staff decides if you are eating enough. Staff decides if you are hiding something. Staff decides if you get a body check. Staff decides if you need to stay another day, another week, another month. And that is on the better end of the spectrum. That is sometimes the best possible scenario.

Even nice staff can decide for you, they always get that option, they could always pull what you have away from you.

I don’t think they meant to say it was the same, but they did. They said they have some sort of understanding of what it is like. That’s a lie. It’s not the same. When you don’t get that freedom, you are not living, you are not a person, you are a project, a responsibility, an inconvenience.

Sorry to put it on you, Im just angry I think. I wanted to put it into words.

You're good. I'm pretty angry too. I'm fully on the side of porn in the Corporations vs Horny Internet Users battle, but the comparison that poster used was incredibly selfish and lacked so much perspective it was infuriating.

I got lucky that I was only institutionalized for 6 months, but I spent those 6 months in a locked ward where the burrito test wasn't even a question. There was no microwave, no burritos, and they tried to threaten changing my "voluntary" status to involuntary if I didn't take Ambien. I had a roommate who threatened to harm me in my sleep and I had to go on a hunger strike to get moved to another room. I was treated VERY well compared to some involuntary patients, who could be medicated without consent as long as doctors claimed they "lacked insight" on why they needed treatment and thought you would deteriorate without it. (but as I said, they tried to strong-arm me into taking ambien so...)

[blub-blub-bish]

Zombie Kenny, but every time he dies, he comes back and slowly becoming a zombie again

A very much self indulgent, Kenny centered, zombie au idea. Aka, a long ass idea that over uses the word “which “ and “HOWEVER “

Long ass idea below cut vvv

Basically, Kenny, who can’t stay dead, got bit in the zombie apocalypse. the first time he got bit, he became a normal zombie, like usual. After around a week, he lost consciousness and ended up in the afterlife.in hell he watched his body, still roaming around on earth, and thought “ oh, this must be it. I’m dead. For good.” Not really sure if he should feel sad or happy, but he’s dead for good. Right?

WRONG.

When his body, that for some reason decompose faster than others, decomposed enough and dies, he came back a normal human. HOWEVER, his body is slowly decomposing again, which has pros and cons.

The pros:

•He’s practically immune, considering he’s like…partially a zombie already

•The zombies think he’s one of them, so now, He can walk through a zombie horde or just wander around without getting chased and shit.

•He doesn’t need much sleep. He only needed around 2 hours of sleep to last 2 days, making him a great night guard.

•Cthulhu took pity on him and decided he would respawn around his allies every time he dies.

•He’s very light, people could pick him up like those school skeleton models and just carry him around.

The cons:

•His body is literally deteriorating, which hurts like a bitch. He feels constantly like he’s slowly dying (which he is)

•Because his body deteriorates over time, at some point, his body is wayyy too weak to function. So he had to either, kill himself, or wait until the virus kill him. Which can take months.

•He usually already have to kill himself every 2 weeks. If he does it over 2 weeks, he would literally lose control over his own body.

•When he lost control over his body (over 2 weeks), he is still conscious. But like watching a movie, he can’t do anything. Just watch. That’s why when he starts to feel like he’s loosing control over his own body, he kills himself.

•After finding allies, he would ask someone he trusted to make sure to kill him if he went over the 2 weeks mark. His allies usually remind him when this happens.

•After a week , he can’t cook for others. 1, because his tongue is usually dead, so he doesn’t taste shit, and 2, because his skin starts to peel, which might fell into the food. Which sucks because my headcanon is that his love language is cooking for others.

•Speaking of food, my guy could only eats meat and chocolate.

• If he doesn’t eat for over a day, he would literally go crazy and bite any meat (human, animal, don’t matter) which would turn the thing that he bites into zombies.(if he doesn’t eat the whole thing)

• The meat and muscles in his body rots, so he smells like shit all the time :v. Mf have to practically bathe in perfume so he doesn’t smell like a corpse.

———-

Why does his body still deteriorates you may ask?

Because Im the writer and I say so./j

The somewhat more logical explanation of that is because he was still conscious for a while after he got bit, aka his body is still somewhat alive. If only the zombies ate him, he would have been able to comeback normal. But they didn’t. So now he had to live with his curse. Womp womp

“Oh, but his curse make people forget he died.” Yes. People still forget that he died. HOWEVER, they still remember that he got bit. They still remember him saying he can’t permanently die and genuinely believe him when he started to look like an actual zombie. Like, his skin starts peeling, his meat and muscles starts rotting (which he usually rips out with a knife bc it smells like shit. Ripping it out also slowed the deterioration process), and bone LITERALLY showing on his arms and legs, yet he still have control over his body.

When he kill himself, he usually comes back after 2-3 days, but if the virus kills him, aka the virus taking over, giving him around 3 very, VERY, painful months, he would come back around a month or 2 . Basically recovering mentally and physically in the afterlife.

Basically, his life sucked for the rest of his existence. Even satan and Damian took pity on him, but they can’t really do anything considering his curse is in Cthulhu’s hands.

[lockandkeyhyena]

I’m all for the haunted raritwi au and I now NEED to binge a fic of it but I have to ask. What the hell spurred this on? And also I’ll have whatever you had because I’d like to brainrot forever on them

i’ve been catching up on Baumgartner Restoration on youtube!! such a phenomenal painting conservation youtuber and got me thinking about painting restoration and like. the concept of a ghost being tethered to an object and deteriorating with the object only to be restored lovingly and given back the full glory of their form

THANK YOU im. obsessed with this concept i should sleep it is 3am

[cwcthzl]

codependent stozier. not ‘they always hang out’ codependency,, like actual toxic codependency. they havent been apart for more than twenty four hours in years and when they r their mental state deteriorates. they keep their distinctive personalities but they know each other so well that they become two halves of one person. if one isnt there the other is incomplete. they never even start dating bc it doesnt seem like ‘the next step’ , by the time they would start dating they r alr much past that point.

when they r still in school living w their parents the nights that werent predestined sleepovers somehow became mornings w both of them waking up in the same bed , getting ready together , going to school together.

facetime is like a saving grace when they have to be apart. their longest streak is like 51 hours or something,, like they leave it on overnight and sneak it into events they shouldnt. whenever one of them gets in trouble and gets their phone taken away they use one of the other losers phones and drains their battery.

they r each others main source of self control esp concerning their self destructive tendencies,, and like facetime cant rlly do much for that when they r apart so. mostly bc richie is clingy as hell he loves physical touch. stan also finds touch super comforting but he is v picky w the ppl he lets touch him otherwise he freaks out. i think all the losers r on his list but richie is like i said a clingy bitch so usually its just richie sprawled all over him constantly.

soz i turn all my favorite relationships obsessive and codependent idk what that says about me. im just in general a fan of codependent losers but i feel like stozier is just a tiny bit closer than the rest of them. also im a serial fem stozier fem losers girl so i usually picture this w them as girls

sorry it took long to rely i just had so much to say!!!

getting to end and finding out you were imagining them as girls was the best of this because oh my GOD stacy and rachel were attached at the hip and no one can tell me otherwise

they are so dependent on each other it's insane. they have each other's clothes, blankets, plushies, toothbrushes and cds at both houses. they basically live with each other without moving out, and it became such a normal thing that they don't even need to text their parents to inform them they're gonna sleep over at the other's. they need to be in each other's presence, they need to because no one else can balance them like they balance each other. if one of them is inhaling, the other is exhaling in exchange because they're like that. they are the same breath, same mind and without the other it's almost like missing an arm and a leg.

they didn't feel the need to date, because they were already something more fucked up than that, not friends or lovers but more of a secret third thing.

they just have to feel the other in any type of way, whether it's by facetime, call, in person, anything. they will fuck up others' phones if they have to, if it means getting to talk to each other.

because they're mostly opposites in every way and they just can't it without the other. stan lets richie know when to shut up and richie urges stan to talk when it's the moment, stan notifying richie when he's about to go too far for a joke and richie cackling every time stan does one to encourage him and because it's funny, stan getting richie to get used to quiet times and richie getting stan to open up to more energy required activities. they just- ugh they

BEING EACH OTHER'S SELF CONTROL. YES. they understand each other so well that they can tell when the other is gonna get triggered, or gonna trigger themselves, and they just soothe each other before that happens. richie is a sucker for physical touch, and stan knows how and where to touch him to make him feel safer. he will push richie's hands in his hair because he knows richie likes the feeling and softness of them as he wraps his arms around richie and let him lay on his chest. richie knows when to not touch stan, but sometimes it's best to hold him close and just ramble in his ear about his favorite birds.

GAJSHJAS yeah richie is touching him all the time. in one way or another.

and sigh.... me too chat me too..... there's jst something abt them......

[rin-and-jade]

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j