#and it keeps scaring the shit out of me bcs my brain keeps fucking w me

[piplupod]

mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

[skitskatdacat63]

I really got home and then redecorated for like 6 hours straight. I haven't slept in 25 hours basically 😐 and the last time I slept it was like, less than 5. This is how I adjust to the timezone change LMAO

But hey at least my F1 shrine is now more complete :D I now just need to frame the poster of Nando I got at the gp, but I have no idea where to put it. I love when I have an obsession, and then I always put the "shrine" precariously balanced on the tiny shelf on my desk. So that every time I have to find something, I risk knocking everything down

[amourtoken]

a thought: cnc primal as fuck noah

maybe u went on a cute little walk by yourself through the forest… but it ends with him ‘stumbling across you’ on your walk and chasing you through the forest until he catches you, throws you on the ground or against a tree and then absolutely fucking destroys you w his cock 😌

(he obviously has the mask on btw)

((help it’s 7am why am i like this))

Ive been thinking abt this for fucking days bc holy shit???? I love him???? Sorry if I got carried away w this one I intended for it to be short and it is not bc the worms in my brain took over 😌

He's bigger, much stronger and way faster than you. It's honestly cute that you really thought you had a chance at outrunning him In the first place which is why he agreed to the scene anyway.

You'd nearly begged for him to give in and participate in this new kink of yours and he's happy to but he's gonna do it in his own way. He probably waits a few weeks just so it's not as fresh in your mind to actually set the whole thing in motion.

He kept up with your schedule for a while, he wanted to catch you at your most off guard moment possible and he was sure he found that when you were out for a walk like usual these past few days since the weather had taken a nicer turn. You'd pretty much forgotten your whole agreement with Noah by now so that's why it was such a shock when you were literally lifted off your feet with a hand over your mouth.

You probably would've heard the extra footsteps behind you if you hadn't had headphones in but he knew you weren't the most spatially aware person alive and that helps in this situation (he's gonna give you a whole lecture about being more careful once this is over, trust.)

You tried your best to squirm in his hold but you really weren't making much progress, especially when your face was pressed up against the rough surface of a nearby tree so Noah could drag your athletic shorts down your legs. His free hand held your arms behind your back and pressed you firmly against the tree, you were fighting for your life but it took him essentially no effort to keep you still, pathetic on your part but it's not your fault he's so strong.

He nudged your legs further apart with one of his and really couldn't help but admire you for a moment. Even in a harsh scene you're still the prettiest person alive to him but he has a goal here. You whined when you felt him brush the tip of his cock against your pussy, aside from the fact you had no prep at all you were on a trail where literally anyone could pass by at any time and it made your knees even weaker.

"Really? Dripping for me and I haven't even touched you. You're supposed to be scared of me, yknow?"

"Need dick so bad you'll just let anyone fuck you raw anywhere? Such a slut."

"Such a dumb little whore, you should really be more careful out here. Maybe this'll teach you, yeah?"

Noah's hand over your mouth barely muffled the sounds that fell from your lips when he actually filled you up, you almost forgot you were supposed to be playing along. The stretch of his cock always left a pleasant ache, it felt like he radiated through your entire body. The rough texture of the tree in front of you was making your eyes water while he held you against it, every thrust pushing you forward. At this point you didn't even mind, the feeling of him brushing your cervix was fogging up your brain anyway.

"gonna fuckin' cum- ah- gonna fill this pretty pussy up- tell me you fucking want it, wanna hear you beg for it-"

he always gets so talkative when he's near his end, again he nearly forgets he's supposed to be playing along as well. The hand over your mouth moves to your throat, making your voice hoarse as you follow his request of begging him to cum inside you. He was squeezing tight enough to make little black spots flit around the corners of your vision and it only got worse when he slid a hand between your legs to force you to your end as well.

It didn't take very long to have you teary eyed and shaking as you came undone on his dick, and he followed shortly after. He didn't linger, pulling out of you and sticking around just long enough to watch his cum drip down your legs before disappearing down the trail again. You were left half naked and trembling, heart still racing while you tried to re dress before anyone could see you.

(If I were more awake I could rewrite this to be rougher so expect to see a pt. 2 shortly)

[stuckinapril]

how DID you diminish your screen time? - love an adhd girlie who is glued to her phone :(

This is what worked for me personally, but tbh at some point you just have to play mental tricks w your own brain when you’re first trying to “break the spell.” I am never on my phone when I’m talking to someone. If I’m in the company of another human being, I put that shit away immediately. If I’m studying, my phone is in a different room. I’ve used app blockers before too (although for some people, sometimes even for me, it’s best to just quit cold turkey for days). I’m literally only here when I’m here & it works so well for me. I don’t have to live an 18th century existence, but I’m not frantically checking my phone for dopamine every two seconds either.

I also literally scared myself into being off my phone more. I downloaded an app that gave me a rough estimate on how much time I’d be spending over the course of a lifetime if I kept going the way I was going, and that shit added up to years. Years of screen time. I was fucking horrified lmao. Now that statistic pops into my mind whenever I’m tempted to waste a day scrolling away.

I don’t have to work as hard to be off my phone anymore, but that’s also bc I realized that internet FOMO is dumb and that I’m missing out on nothing by not keeping up w posts or memes. The only exception to that is Palestine. I’m usually pretty tightly wound about checking on the news and making sure I’m sharing credible fundraisers/resources bc it’s such a time sensitive situation. Pretty much nothing else actually matters to me.

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E8 "The Roast" thoughts:

Ok, I watched this episode three times and I'm still smiling. I love when you think and episode is gonna be about something because of its title and then surprise you when its all a misdirection (see also: Succession's "Connor's Wedding").

At first Laszlo's err… state intrigued me, love everyone projecting and imposing their own insecurities (Guillermo's secret, Nadja's hex) as a reason on why he is behaving like that. And of course it's a stupid reason 😭.

"And a flat pepsi for Guillermo". Oh Nandor, that's the worst thing you ever done to Guillermo, that's the worst thing you could do to anyone. And yes, I remember a certain S4 episode.

I screeched like a bird when Colin mentioned dreaming about being a baby under Laszlo's care, not only because I wanted this shit to happen since the past finale, but also I really thought the episode was going on that direction (and also bc its another W for my predictions).

Having said that, LOVED the nonchalance of Nadja and the others when they were like 'no, it wasn't a dream, that totally happened'.

I mentioned it in a separate post: they really had a Sweet Dee in IASIP moment when The Guide gave the roast idea, only to be ignored and then the same idea being stolen by a dude who is celebrated.

Seanie's poor brain it should be soup at this point, we don't know if he can hazily remember the event like it happened before.

What can I remember is his line after Nadja's roast because it was one of the biggest laughs for me: "Women CAN be funny!" I fucking loved it so much, it's the perfect condescending shit straight men say all the time, even when they're trying to be complementary to you they can't stop being garbage. It was a simple line but Anthony nailed the delivery and timing. Seriously, rewatch that part.

At first I was confused why all the jokes were so mid, but shortly I realized this episode wasn't about the roast at all, lol.

Just by watching screenshots of other users I noticed that in the scene of Nandor resting his head on Guillermo's shoulder there's a BIG flame between them. LMAO. There's no way that is unintentional.

Good for The Guide being the catalyst of Baron Afanas learning the truth. I was demanding more screen time for her lately, so having some incidence in the main plot goes on the plus column.

The other guests present at the roast being shocked at the knowledge of Guillermo killing vampires surprised me; I always assumed Guillermo being a familiar/slayer was a known fact in the vampire community after his very public massacre at the Théâtre des Vampires.

Fuck yeah when I realized this is a Doug Jones spotlight episode, I just fuckin ahgdjkaksdf, love him, perfect, no notes.

The Baron being terrifying!! Guillermo was seriously scared for the others and he barely tried to show off his Van Helsing abilities.

Nandor and Nadja begging the Baron to not hurt Guillermo!! 😭 Them being dragged while grabbing the cape!! 😭 They're spiritual siblings to me!! 😭😭

They really reminded me a little bro and sis begging their mom to not hit their beloved older brother with the chancla for talking back or something.

I fell for the two fake-outs with the sack lol I'm so gullible when it comes to vampires I guess.

NANDOR PAINFUL SOUNDS (MOANS???) WHEN HE BELIEVED HE WAS IN FRONT OF GUILLERMO'S INERT BODY. IT WAS SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE HORNY!!!

"At least he died doing what he loved: beating off in the toolshed."

A wonderful small detail: After Laszlo opened fake Guillermo with the knife he cleaned his hands on The Guide's dress.

Idc if you think its dark, the whole 'Nandor will kill you and then kill himself' bit becoming a recurring joke it's peak writing.

I wish I can say something more serious about Baron Afanas' sadness over how boring his life is now. But I just keep thinking that the way he talks about his homelife with The Sire and the Hellhound sounds exactly when a dude has a middle life crisis and suddenly he doesn't enjoy his marriage anymore. They're husbands!! And I loved how cunty he looked at the end all half-charred (see posted gif) Queen!

Now, the Nandermo of it all: What more can I say than incoherent screaming and foaming from the mouth? Episodes 8 are all about them again!! Nandor on the window looking all cliched melancholic heroine of a romance novel?? How relieved he was when he found him in the coffin??? Him still remembering Guillermo's card word for word???!! Knowing that this toxic dark sided devotion goes both ways???!!! Borrowing the words of Fleabag: THIS IS A LOVE STORY.

Seriously, I know all these soft Nandor moments are here so the heartbreak when he learns about Guillermo being turned it's even bigger. But still denying that there is a romantic undertone between these two it's just being purposely adamant at this point (i'm looking at you wwdits reddit). Even if nothing explicitly romantic happens on screen, just by watching these moments, I know, we know.

Now, go listen to the ending song again. You will not regret it.

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[sugar-omi]

(Didn't want to distract from your original post)

I am sooo normal about Yandere!MC and Seemingly Normal!Cove <- (he's not normal, a normal person would be terrified if a yandere commits violence in their name.)

Like Cove deserves it. All three boys do, but Cove is my favorite by a little bit. (Plus I think Derek and Baxter would actually be normal here and scared lol)

((Two iterations of my Cove!Mc are yanderes for him with four total iterations of said MC.))

He'd be so sweet and melty for the MC omg... his woozy blushy smile when the MC comes to him covered in blood and talks to him in a sing-song tone about how they took out the person being a creep to him and how nobody's gonna come between them/hurt him and how much they love and adore him, how he's all theirs forever and ever, and more sweet nothings.

Just the most down bad catastrophic romantic words you can think of coming out of someone who's shaking from adrenaline and covered in blood.

((3/4 iterations of my Cove!MC ended up promising him at 13 when they get together that no one will ever hurt him now if they have their way.))

Depending on how hopelessly in love (mind-broken) Cove is, I can definitely see him being down to have sex/you claim him once more after killing someone with the body nearby.

feel free to relog my posts w anything you wanna add!!! I love it n 7/10 times we all have the same brain worms n it's beautiful

my brain is tainted w the thought of kissing or having sex w cove with blood still on your hands... body doesn't have to be nearby but smth abt it is so sexy isn't it???

or cove joining you in the shower, washing the blood off of you and giving you head afterward while still in the shower, clinging into his hair and the shower head. it's a good thing you have one of those grippy shower rugs in here

idk abt mind break/sherlock holmes syndrome bc I like the idea of him alrdy being a little outta it but maybe it's like a gradual thing like all their life mc has said crazy shit n if they come home a little bloody well that's so fucking sexy n he's only mildly concern now that your lips are on him

I can totally see this cove being into bdsm shit though

he'd say it offhandly one day when you're having a jealous fit "well put a collar on me then"

and so you get him a few to choose from maybe and a tag

it shouldn't turn him on, this is beyond kinky probably, maybe a normal person would consider this sick.

but his dick is straining against his pants and his heart is racing and he's getting so hot n dizzy just thinking abt it

n when it's on he can't help looking at you for approval, and if you're a real dog then you clip a leash onto him the second he's facing you or while he's looking in the mirror you come up from behind and show it to him

he's nervous, that's really inappropriate but fuck if he's not happy to wear it

so you clip it on him "this way you can never stray far from me. you're mine."

fuck he'll random send you pictures while you're at work with his collar on under his dress shirt. he wears it everywhere.

maybe don't let your family see it though and keep smth more... normal. for him to wear

I almost forgot ong but he'd prbly get your name tatted on him

maybe a tramp stamp or over his dick, or over his heart. wherever you want really

I think I said it but he'll flirt just to see that look come across your face. to feel and see how dangerous you are, how rough you are

you'll beat the guy or girls ass from the bar until you're kicked out by force and then you'll go home and rearrange his guts for flirting with some bitch on purpose.

it always leaves his hips sore and his voice hoarse or gone, and you're putting ointment on some of your deeper bites or hickeys with an apologic kiss and tone.

omfg he'll even fuck you in the car, the person that was flirting w him earlier will come around the side and gets a front row view to the car shaking, fogging up, and then he can see cove's hand slap against the window and his green hair against the window as you fuck him up against the door

or if you're really risky then you'll fuck him on the side of the building, his pants around his ankles as you take him from behind and his knees shaking as you grip his hair, pulling his hair back.

the person can see cove moaning loudly and begging you to choke him harder, to hit him harder..

sees how he smiles and laughs when you call him a slut, telling him how dirty he is for wanting it outside and to be seen.

yeah this cove is a total freak n his sanity is questionable

[vamqiredove]

OKOK @indigoartistqueen i'll ramble and elaborate err i'm keepin it here cause this rlly isn't smthing i want on slaingelo especially bc i get a bit mad in this oops

CAMERAS LIKE THAT ARE USELESS. ALSO THEY MAKE SHIT WORSE IF YOU ARE PARANOID. having them inside your house is unnecessary unless you're convinced someone's living in your house without you knowing. otherwise it does nothing but take up electricity or batteries and money ect ect whatever. If you unnecessarily install cameras you're going to be checking them constantly. and also within the context of just "waah my big strong man is out for a week i'm so scareed i'm going to put cameras inside my house" WHAT IS THAT GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEONE HAS TO /ALREADY BE BROKEN IN TO YOUR HOUSE/ FOR THAT TO BE "USEFUL" AT ALL AND BY THAT POINT IT'S NOT SECURITY WHATTTTTT

like other people said in that post, security like that makes it impossible to get out of your house fast/give first responders a hard time getting in. I have a bar in my window. it's removable from the inside very easily and all it serves to do is keep the window from opening more than a few inches. this mf would install damn prison bars if her husband had to go away for a month.

IF YOU'RE THAT PARANOID ABOUT LOCKS GET A FUCKING DEADBOLT AND/OR CHAINLOCK OH MY GOD. first responders are more likely to know how to get around those than "mobile locks" what the fuck is a mobile lock. OH WAIT !! SHE ALREADY HAS A DEADBOLT AND SHE'S DOUBLING UP WITH THE MOBILE LOCK. HUH ???????????????????????????????????

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU ARE HOME.... when I'm home alone I actively try to make it look like someone's always awake. do I go over the top locking every door and window in the house and leave the curtains facing the backyard closed and did I once move furniture to block my bedroom door in order to sleep ? yeah sure but I'M MENTALLY ILL. WHAT I'M SCARED OF ISN'T EVEN PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE FFS IT'S MONSTERS THAT AREN'T REAL BUT MY DELUSIONAL BRAIN CONVINCES ME IT IS REAL TO THE POINT OF INSOMNIA IN PARTICULARLY BAD EPISODES. I AM NOT THE AVERAGE WHITE AMERICAN WOMAN FOR I AM NOT EVEN ANY OF THOSE THINGS

literally the only way I can see someone going this far for security in a way that ISN'T just "this is an ad" and/or "i am trying to brew fascism" is if someone fell into the delusion of being gangstalked, and in which case, they probably aren't posting their entire security system online because they'd be convinced their stalkers are watching their every move online and offline lol... it sure as hell wouldn't be framed like this either. also if it was the case she'd still be scared while her husband was home. it wouldn't magically appear when he's done, it would be constant.

doing shit like this isn't normal nor healthy, it's either a sign of going severe into the alt right pipeline and/or severe mental health issues that are going unchecked bc those are absolutely not mutually exclusive.

even the "keeping a flashlight nearby" thing is stupid in the sense that I DO THAT. BECAUSE WE FREQUENTLY GET POWER OUTAGES HERE ???????????????? what's it going to do if there is an intruder are you going to shine it in their fuckin face. what, can't see them thru your aesthetic lighting ?? what's the fuckin whistle going to do ... you've isolated yourself your home alone it's a WHISTLE. at the veyr least get a fucking weapon, HUH ?????????????

honestly I don't even know how coherent any of this is, it pisses me off a lot. I've done a lot of shit to try and feel "safe" and frankly it feels insulting especially given my minor agoraphobia too [ can't leave the house alone, i always need a friend or family w/ me ] especially the weird way this shit is made aesthetic. AGAIN. LIKE THE FUCKIN PURPLE LIGHTING IN THE VIDEO. AND ALSO THE SLEEK TECH.

the aesthetic-ification of that video is probably what REALLY gets me mad about it though.. like it really just makes it feel like an ad playing both on white peoples fears and mentally ill people.

blah blah my experiences aren't universal and my delusional paranoia isn't "that bad" compared to other ppls. whatever. i don't like it either way

[66sharkteeth]

rambling on here again bc 12 people see this blog so it’s more private but also a step above talking to a void

i have such a weird relationship w/ my comic, where it makes me really fucking sad but it’s also the thing i enjoy most. 

i’m honestly grateful it’s doing as well as it is for over 120 eps in in an obscure genre that like 1% of WT readers care about. i know it has a core audience and at least a chunk of them are gonna be here until the end. but man is it also depressing just to see the inevitable drop in readership of a comic 120+ and 4 years in. I know I have readers but it’s so depressing to stumble across a forum titled “name your fav webtoons” or “name what ur reading” and it having like 20394802384 comments and not a single mention of CoB. It reminds me just how insignificant my work is and how little reach it has outside of WT itself. 

I want to keep doing comics for the rest of my life but I don’t know if I have the following to ever create something w/ half the success of CoB, which isn’t even a success in my eyes. It’s just something exists and some people enjoy it. I know the numbers on CoB aren’t the smallest but like fuck, I can’t even get those numbers to follow me on twitter and instagram or to get them to even mention me more than twice a year on reddit. What are the chances those numbers will follow me to my next comic? 

Its sad. I feel like my comic career has peaked but the peak wasn’t even a mountain. It was like a big hill at most. 

But all that said, I know a lot of people would probably read this and tell me I should take a break or something. But I... really? Don’t? Want to? Despite all this, there’s nothing I enjoy more than just...working on my comic. Even rn as I’m feeling like utter shit, I’m just typing this over my morning coffee and can’t wait to just sit down and get to work today. The result depresses me. The numbers dropping every time I post, the lack of reaction and constantly being told “oh i haven’t caught up in ages” by the small percent who do still follow me (seriously, please stop telling creators this. ik you mean well but it kinda hurts). but the actual creation? i love it. i love turning my brain off, putting on a youtube vid, and working on this comic all day. i love turning on my brain occasionally to figure out cool new way to do assets or lighting or FX, i love solving a plot hole that’s been in the way for ages, i love making character designs, i even love making the little google spreadsheet and inputting the numbers to calculate all my expenses for line art and translation fees. i love making my comic!!!!!! i never want to stop. 

but every week when i see smaller numbers and less and less interest, i get so scared and sad knowing i might have to stop after CoB. That I might not have the following to keep doing this for the rest of my life after CoB. That even if my next comic gets greenlit (something I doubt more every week that my numbers drop), what are the chances it’ll pull the numbers CoB did and do well enough to tell the full story?

I feel like I’m driving a car that’s nearing the Empty Tank warning and I don’t know if there’s a gas station near enough to make it to my destination 

[aedificloudio]

JUST REALISED IM LIKE 66% OF THE MAFUAKI TAG????? AND NO ONES POSTED CRAZY INSANE BRAINROT HERE??? IM ALONE??? WHAT THE FUCK MAN

ok whatever i’ll i i here’s more insanity under the cut

this is genuinely just brainrot, headcanons, and random character analysis abt mafuaki and their dynamic

mafuyu is aromantic in my brain 🫶 so her dating him is genuinely just her fucking around bc shes bored and wants to feel something

also mafuyu is good at everything too so its double hitting the complex

hes never gonna be good enough

LIKE mafuyu's whole thing is being the perfect daughter who is good at everything despite not giving a shit about any of it, so she finds it really funny that akito has self esteem issues and is constantly comparing his abilities to other people

shes probably like

wow. this is smth i really dont experience

and ig she also compares it to ena's behaviour and shes defs like "oh yeah they sure as fuck are related'

coz the shinonomes are teeming with jealousy and inferiority because they can never live up to the standard they want

ena has complicated feelings about art because all her life she's being told she'll never make it

and akito knows hes nowhere near as good as the rest of vbs and he tries to hide it behind a tough guy persona

its so gap moe...

MAFUYU drags him to her room one day and keeps him in a fucking garbage bag/bodybag duct taped and cuffed and hes like freaking out bc even tho he did consent to this (he wanted to see her room) the fact she WENT THROUGH w this at all w/o a hint of remorse is downright terrifying

also when he looks around her room and how barren it is hes like 😟

"ohhh im so fucked why am i here"

he also accidentally finds out mafuyu composes music and its better than anything hes ever written to the point he fucking cries LOL

i would assume like

their rls is super casual coz theyre both busy

but they make time to see each other because a) akito gets to flex he has a girlfriend b) mafuyu finds him decently entertaining to which she's surprised about c) its a win-win

AND IDK its just super entertaining to me

thinking abt a shitty crack beach episode 25ji and vbs crossover.....

mafuyu in a swimsuit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

mizuki in a sun dress or some shit and refusing to go in the water

kanade fucking dies.png

ena is there for her socmed

kohane and an in couple drip and they fucking slay

toya is barely allowed to go and hes in some expensive swimsuit and kinda pathetic. like. hes all "wow this is my first time!"

akito thinks ena is so embarassing rn but Holy Shit Mafuyu Has D Cups

hes so repressed abt being gay he tricks himself into liking boobs. or maybe hes bi idk

teenage boy crisis of "NO i cant like men i love boobs ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️"

(guy who dreams about making out with toya)

also i just think its funny that toya is completely oblivious in this au until either halfway or the end bc hes fr just

"yayy i have friends!!"

😭😭😭

akito is scared shitless of mafuyu tho bc  he's begun to notice her smiles don't reach her eyes

and any friend of ena's has hella issues

i don't think mafuyu ever really opens up to him about her mental issues but akito isnt completely dumb, he can kinda sense that theres smth wrong w her, especially like. the fact she has an empty aquarium in her room is fucking FREAKY

also the way he has to be snuck in there is just 💀 ermm rip girlie

mafuyu's parents knock on her door and she throws him out the window

i’m so normal abt them

[barnaclebat]

Rant tw

God today was so fun but so dumb at the same time. Like I had a flare up w/ symptoms but we went out and I got some art supplies and my bf got food and candy and we walked around the grocery store just having fun. Then we made a really yummy supper (gluten free falafel!!) that tasted great and was super healthy too.

Then my dad made a blueberry crumble and he even modified the sugar for me bc he knows I have an intolerance (added sugars r also just a big fear food of mine) and before I could jump up and help him, he gave me a piece along with a HUMONGOUS dollop of ice cream. So I ate it but the whole time my brain was literally screaming at me and calling me awful and gross and disgusting. Now I’m bloated, like seriously distended. I look like i swallowed a fucking house. I feel like such a fucking failure because I could’ve maybe gotten out of eating all of it but I did not wanna hurt his feelings. I also checked my stomach after and dhdgdgdgdg I just think the sugar made me bloat.

I’m so scared of my ribs disappearing. I know the whole “yOu wOn’T gAiN wEiGhT iF yOu eAT NOrmAL fOr a DaY” thing but yes i will. My metabolism is so fucked. If the bones in my hands become less visible and my ribs stop showing i will literally rip my fucking face off.

The other thing is is that I want to keep losing weight drastically, but I can’t mother fucking exercise because now I think I have a pinched nerve in my back. It’s hard to walk or stand upright or lift anything heavier than a mug. If I was eating more and exercising a shit ton I wouldn’t be as nervous and flipped out but I can’t move!!!! I just want to exercise off all this gross fucking food but I can’t. I feel so huge and stuck and gross and like a big ball of fat.

[thornsent]

I will NOT be tormented by feeling like I have done the wrong thing because I like... Objectively have not? There’s a little bastard in my brain calling me a “bad leftist” for calling animal control and CPS and so on, but like. I am doing it because I hear this man yelling at his dogs and children and the shit he says reminds me of my mother and that was so bad I have a cocktail of mental illnesses that will be lifelong even w treatment probably--

that it triggers me (it does, I have no other words for it) is a side effect, and part of the reason I even call. But that same part of me keeps saying I’m selfish for calling for that reason. But even if that were true, and I’m doing this because I’m an evil selfish bastard who wants all of my neighbors to be silent 24/7 (I don’t...) it would be better to call than not--

so like. I think it’s okay that I called CPS, and animal control. I think it is okay because I would rather do that and turn out to be misinterpreting (I don’t think I am, though) reality rather than just sit and do nothing while some poor kids and dogs get abused next door. even if it doesn’t fix anything at least they’ll know someone gives a shit.

I hate that post that went around somewhere like “if you call the cops on someone and they get shot you are responsible for their murder” because that’s really fucked up and uh. what else are you supposed to do in certain situations? let people get hurt? just let it happen??? I was so scared to call the cops when I was overhearing a domestic violence situation once bc the woman was screaming for help and I couldn’t do anything but call. and I don’t know if it helped, but I was the only one who called. everyone else in the city, in my whole complex, ignored her.

I can only do what I would hope someone would do for me if I was that afraid, you know? there aren’t other options and most civilians do not have the training to talk people down or protect people even though I wish this were so.

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

I had a dream last night. That. Me and some other people were maybe ghost hunters ? I dont fully remember. And there was a big mansion house that we had to investigate bc the previous ghost hunters whod went inside hadnt been seen in weeks, and nobody even saw them leave. So like, me and my team of Vague Dream People That Were An Amalgamation Of People From Irl And People From Fiction went in and yknow it was a normal fuckin ghost house thing there were some spooks n scares but all in all just normal rlly. And then we found the group from before us and were like what the hell man how r u guys alive and they were like dudr tf wdym and we were like dudes its been weeks u dont have that kinda food ans they were like errr ur like mixing us up w someone else weve only been here an hour or 2 so then we were like. Ok what. And then left the house w that group who fucked off to go do their own thing bc my brain couldnt handle keeping track of a group over 4 people. But like when we left some ppl were like holy fuck ur alive. And we were like. Yea. Its only been like. 20 or 30 minutes. And they were like nah man its been days. And then i was like. Man r u serious that sucks ive wasted days of july what the fuck i love summer i dont wanna waste it man what the hell and like yeah i kinda ignored how. This house was like Magic Ooooo Time Moves Differently Inside bc i was too upset id gone from the 17th to the 20th. And then i was like suddenly in my grandmas attic and lookin out the window and it was like. It was like the attic wad attached to the rest of the scenes like a sorta. Set almost yknow. So like i chilled in my grandmas attic and then i knew i had to go to school? So i just left her attic through the fourth wall and went to the set of the big mansion and went in there for like 5 minutes and came out and id skipped school but accidentallt skipped too far and it was like late night. But ye i figured this house could b used 2 my advantage but probably also could fuck some things up. Bc i hadnt figured out the exact like time exchange that it was. Bc my brain hadnt come up w it solidly yet so like a couple hours meant a couple weeks and half an hour meant a couple days and 5 minutes meant like 12 hours but also sometimes a full day but also sometimes less. But yea idk i played around w that thing until is skipped like a week and then realised id missed my friends birthday which was apparently the day before the one i was at. So i Left the Set and walked home and went to my primary school bc apparently all my friends were there even tho we all went 2 different primary schools and i found my friend id missed the birthday of and i gave her a cat that materialized out of thin air and then turns out all my friends had their cats with them so we like. Pet a lot of cats outside this primary school. And then it was like. I was on the fuckin set of jrweek yknow the second one they had w the like boat thing. And i wasnjust fucking lookin at them but apparently they were recorsing like a 3 hour long episodr and it was episode like 140 or smth. But they were just recreating what id done the rest of the dream and i tried to ask them what the fuck was going on n why was i there but it was like i eas fuckin invisible or some shit n they just ignored me. And then they kept mentioning genloss like ober and iver and over and insinuating that charlie was the only one of them that WASNT in genloss and i was like. Erm. Okay. What. And they only THEN seemed to notice me and were like dude what the fuck ur being so cringe right now like literally stop it go watch our patreon nerd snd i was like. Dudes i already am subbed 2 ur patreon. And they were like. But u havent finished pd yet u fucking pussy and i was like ok this is just uncalled 4 and then i woke up to big bin truck outside bc id left my windoe open and it was loud as FUCK anyways ir was a weird dream and one of the only times over the past few days ive felt neutral abt my dream in comparison to irl. Anyways. Goodbye

[theuniverseawakens347]

Howard you want to talk with Raymond or help me heal ur relationship understanding w him Tim and Ronald.

No.

It’s go sit and be alone and cultivate you. You want to know EXACTLY HOW THE END ENDS FOR YOU.. no.

YOU WITH LEE KILLED ME IN MY ROOM AUG 2017 GAS CAMP STYLE … you have ur reasons LAPD OR WHATEVER SOURCE THAT CAME FROM.. that NEEDS A CONVERSATION ( Lee KNOWS SHES GOING TO JAIL .. THATS to see me library AND ACTUAL FUCKING JAIL.. which is why YOU CUNTS FAKE REATRAINING ORDER MY MEN N FATHER AGAINST YOU NOT COMING TO ME .. THEN BULLSHIT ME HOWARD W RESTRAINGING ORDER FROM LEE )

NONE OF MY MEN RESTRAINED ME FROM THEM ON PAPER. LMAO UR FALLING FOR LEES STUPID TRICKS AGAIN..

She’s ur wife YOU DONT AUTOMATICALLY TRUST HER SHE HAS HURT U TIME AND TIME AGAIN AGAIN SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU SHE JUST FEELS POWERFUL OWNING A MAN WHO CAN BE WHOLE BY THEMSELVES AND SHE KNOWS THAT. SHE PREYS ON UR WEAK SPOT AND TRAPS YOU FOR GOOD.

SHES A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT ME AND GOD. SHE JUST WANTS TO MALE RIGHT W ME IN FAKE TO SEE HER MOM. AND SCARED AMY IS GOING TO KILL HER BC SHE PROMISED AMY A SAFE HAVEN TO OUR FACES BUT BEHIND OUR BACKS BELITTLED AND HURT HER.

LEE KNOWS IN FULL WHAT I AM DARNIECE DUMBASS FUCKING TOLD HER.

AND SIGNED IT AS THE ROCK. 😒 OKAY THATS WHY THEY DIED AND SEPARATED TF YOU DO THAT DUMB ASS SHIT FOR!?

IM A CHILD NUMBED TO EVERYTHING AROUND ME AND WVEN WHEN I HAD MY MAGIC YOU MISSUSED ME - COWS BRAIN 1/2- REPEAT.

( the last time I saw Amy I WAS MORE OF A PARENT THAN BIG SISTER LEE .. u brought me there on purpose IN HINDSIGHT ANCESTORS AMY SAYS YOU ALREADY GOT THE TIME FRAME FOR HER TO DIE .. also why ya brought me to julan… “can she heal them for me I’m regretting my choices” NO YOU NUMBED ME GOOD TO GET BACK AT DARNIECE AND MY FATHERS N MEN you continue in weird way to ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME OR BLACK OR MORE X Y N Z THAN YOU … but we get to the hospital ( I said I hate those places I NOW LNOW WHY) and ya tell me Amy has fever of 102 .. she looks uncomfortable.. I stand near her for 2 second and turn to the night nurse “watching” SHE HAS A FEVER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE GET A RAG N COOL HER DOWN… they scurry THEY KNOW ME THEY FEAR ME .. they don’t know you YOU ARE PESANT .. I PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN THE RIGHT ONES …

Then I tell you shift a pillow behind her neck and back give her support .. little things BED AIDE MANNER A DOCTOR NURSE SHUD FUCKING BE DOING!!! SOMEONE IN A PROTECTION ROLE! )

I know more about helping Amy than you and that’s ur sister UR CAUGHT ON JEALOUSY IN THAT MOMENT.. then question why I don’t help audrey TO UR SUFFICIENCY …

IM IN A NEW WORLD OF MY OWN AUDREY IS NOT MY FULL RESPONSIBILITY IN MORTAL FORM UNLESS SHE IS AROUND ME YOURE ASKING ME TO SAVE HER WHEN IM DROWNING .. BITCH WE BOTH DIE. SHE HAS FRIENDS N FAMILY AROUND HER AND SHES LIKE ME WHAT YOU CALL STUBBORN I CALL A FIGHTER !!

FUCK YOU AND SALISA 1/2 UR PARENTING ROLE JUsT TO FEEL MIGHTY BC YOU “own” something powerful. - THATS VERY SMALL OF YOU!!

I GIVE AUDREY WHAT I CAN COMPREHEND SHE NEEDS WHEN IM WITH HER I HAVE NOT BEEN AROUND HER WHEN ICE STEPPED INTO MY GODLY ROOT .. WE HAVE TALKED BUT YOU WANT ME TO GO THERR N SAVE HWR WHEN IM HOMELESS .. ur pushing to see scarlet witch - that’s weird of you.

I ALREADY KNOW SHES ONLY HANDICAPPED BC HER ENVIRONMENT AND THE BEST THAT I CAN DO RIGHT NOW IS GIVE HER LIGHT .. but you’ve gon behind the scenes to harass her w Salisa and leave Cheryl out the loop like Howard .. you tell ENOUGH TO SELL UR SIDE OF THE STORY IN FULL .. why YOU keep everyone separated BC YOU KNOW WHEN ALL LINKED UP THEM STORIES TOGETHER NOT GON MAKE SENSE .

YOU DEEM HER WEAK AND ME A FOOL .. you chose mortal god route TIME N TIME again so ur Satan can “win”

MY FAMILY SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR THIS BUG ASS MISSION AND AS I “lose mine” THEY PROTECT AND GUIDE URS YOU MISTREATED WHILE HERE TO HELP ME … over there GROWING INTO ALL OF ME .. in due time bc AGAIN THAT LONG LAST SHOT OF LAS ENCINAS TIMOTHY PELKO WAS A EXTRA SLOW RELEASE OF MORPHINE TO MY PINEAL AND HIPPOCAMPUS..

So we start - JESUS CHRIST YOU FUCKING CUNT.

And we keep going in circles UNTIL YOU UNDERATAND YOU DO NOT WIN EVEN IF YOU TAKE WHAT YOU DEEM IS IMPORTANT TO ME .. life for life bitch EQUAL WEIGHT. I TAKE URS IN RETURN TOO BUT THEY STACK WHAT YOU CANT SEE ARMY FOR ME IN A DIFFERENT RELAM.

LAPD WHY ITS DIFFERENT FOR THOSE QUESTIONING.

THOSE WHO GOT ME I KNOW I DONT NEED TO QUESTION AND I AM NOT. BUT I AM HELPING GUIDE THEM TO A PURE SOUL THEY SEE IN ME. BEyONCE UR EVIL YOU DONT WANT TO HEAL UR SCARED OF DEATH SO YOU T.HOOWW W ME CUT CORNERS AND THINK THATLL SAVE YOU FROM THE PAST OVER ONES YOU WILLINGLY MURDERED TO GET EVEN W ME YOUR MOM OR CLAIM A THRONE BUILT ON OTHER PPLS ASSETS. VIKING WOMAn.

911 who stuck in the “grind” n confused like Asian man middle seat Glendale station .. YA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM UR CULTURAL ROOTS TO WARRIOR WHO OVER STEPS CHIEF!?? UR MISGUIDED WE TALK WHEN RIGHT. SOME OF YOU HAD GOOD INTENT WEIRD ACTION. AND CANT SEE IN FULL HOW UR LITTLE ACTION ( yes feels like betrayal bc NO PROPER COMMUNICATION YET .. Howard what Lee wants by having you bring dumbass restraining orders ) … CONTRIBUTE TO THE KNOCKING OF MY BRAIN BUT IS NOT THE DRIVE FORCE FOR IT HAPPENING.

Fear is an illusion other side of it is a utopia who’s been following me for evidence vs who got evidence + SELF GROWTH COMPRESSED COMPREHENSION OF KNOWLEDGE OF TRUEST SELF AT THEIR OWN ROOT - RETURNING TO GOD IN SMALL BABY STEPS TOGETHER.

[blkkizzat]

Haiiii babes!!!! Hope u been well 😙

(Literally just came from rereading plug choso once again to keep it fresh in my brain hehe) istg i love him so bad but….nicki was right, trauma is the way. Him sharing that blunt with gouda bitch has me steaming every time smh. I would fuck cho infront of her but she dont deserve to see the dickk!

Venus in gemini and mars in aries HELP HSJKSKSK NO OKAY U and toji would be so good for each other 😭 yall can play games and he drag u back in so u dont get too bored hehe. My mars is in leo and my good friend studies astrology and she deadass do be saying thats the corruption kink placement hehe, plus i got some virgo in there too so my shit is obsesseddddd with corrupting purity whoops (and obsessive + possessive AF like i wanna be someone's first and their everything) which is so true cause i be fucking with ppl to make em obsessed with me and ion even want them jdksks. I js cant do virgin reader bc i have a SA trauma which sucks bc there are so many virgin reader fics and i gotta sit em out which is why i flock to shit like otaku!gojo where the man is a virgin like that heals me so much u have no idea lmao (even tho this pussy can squirt by itself, i would show virgin gojo all the tricks hehe) Yes ma'am i do fuck w astrology, and recently tarot a lil bit 👀 got me a lil reading and erthing hehe

Tbf i dont feel like u have a truly irredeemable character because they all have some sort of bg story (okay lets ignore reader from gf!choso literally killing a man bc DAMN when i say the dialogue you gave him had me stressing tf out, like i almost had an angry cry when he was airing out shit at the party. The bat scene from there was so iconic tho) like even plug choso, reader is a brat but i rlly feel like its bc shes an overachiever which i vibe w soooo hard. She's the definition of "honey u need to get some dick and RELAX" bc she trying to do it all and none of it is for herself. Im similar so i see her bratiness as a defense mechanism iykwim. Ngl the ending of pt 2 had me scared bc like i can dish it out, but i cant take it LMAOOOOOO like choso shared a blunt w some other bitch and i was already in tears istg he gon have to make that up to me smh. YESSSSSSS i love with the characters are still downbad for the reader even when she's a bitch like, thats the kinda ride or die i wantttt.

I feel u bc i cant do angst that effects the reader lol.

Guestprofessor yooooo i love that dynamic!!! I rarely read gojo (or geto too) bc i rarely find a version of him that doesnt turn his charisma into fuckboyness like it just aint for me, but w.e the girlies enjoy :p

Ohhh i do need to check out those websites even tho i have nowhere to go rip. I love me a gown but they almost never reach past my shins 💀 got that damn amazoness genetic smh

LMFAOOO ur so real for that. Tbh cho could be a virgin and id still talk to him like a two dollar hoe 😭

Sending u all the good vibes frrrrr its always fun chatting w u too kali babes 😚

🍒 anon

Awe you are so sweet reading it again. I hope I can get the next part out tonight for u, I’m getting 2 people to read so once they are done I will make changes and post. 

LMFAO im crying cause you are like the 3rd person who told me that part had them heated. But hehe funny you should mention fucking him in front of her…. *shhhh*

Yeah no I would need the games to keep me interested lmfao. Oooh corruption kink!  you know until Choso I never had one of those but I just want to ruin him dskhfkjhdkHSa. But relatable, sometimes you just flirt because you can LOL

Oh no, im so sorry to hear about your SA trauma. I completely understand. While I don’t necessarily have drama, I think another reason I lean towards bimbo!reader is I don’t like how society places a woman’s value on virginity. It’s a totally different thing that wanting to be someone’s first or even corrupting, cause im into those kinks too. I don’t like when it seems like the whole value of them is their virginity if it makes sense. 

I actually own a tarot deck too! But I haven’t studied it enough to do it on my own. I’ve had mine done by friends before though!

Lmfao yeah gf!choso reader is also a bit crazy, when I eventually do the p3 to that, it will go into more of how she doesn’t have bloodlust like choso, and actually wants him to slow down a bit so he doesn’t get caught (gf!choso finds himself not needing to kill as much bc he has reader as a stress release). But she doesn’t have qualms with blood or the fact he’s a serial killer lolol. She kinda slow lowkey lolol. Her mind: “killing is bad. But I love Choso and he loves me so Choso is good too.” I mean she joined his major cause she watched Dexter so she aint the brightest bulb. jhdfkhdskjfhsd. <3 Unlike plug!choso sorority bimbo tho, she is never ashamed of Choso and wants him to come to frat parties as her date (which he reluctantly goes to because he’s whipped and jealous as all hell). Ahhh I rambled about this too much lol

Oooh how tall are you if you don’t mind me asking? Im 5’7 and some of the gowns I got from there drag a bit so maybe you’d have more luck with them!

Mwahhmwahhh babes <3333