#i need him to look like the complete fucking doofus he is at all times

[leakyrectum]

nothing but respect to bloober team and luke roberts but james will always look like this to me first and foremost

[nololginny]

a little butthurt

summary: rafe cameron decides to go out with toppers sister, who turns out to be a complete freak even after 2 years of dating each other, he will never get over her oddness.

You sit on your bed, trying to find a cute tiktok trend for you and rafe to do, well against his will of course. you pick up your mango geek bar, taking a puff and suddenly hearing commotion coming from downstairs. You pick up your vape and phone, and head towards the noise. You go down to see that Kelce, Topper, Sarah, and Rafe are arguing about some music artist. You take in notice that rafe has his black compression shirt on ,with your favorite grey sweatpants of his. You notice how nice his ass looks in them. You smile to yourself, going up to creep on your boyfriend.

You go up behind him, raising your hand and smacking his butt so hard that the slap echos. Your boyfriend jumps at the action, screaming an "ow holy fuck, before turning around to see his girlfriend smiling at him. "Hi baby" you innocently say, giving him the warmest smile. He looks so mad "Babe what the fuck, that fucking hurt" he replies, trying to hide the smile that almost snuck onto his face. "Oh come on you big cry baby, let me take care of it" You smirk, taking his hand and dragging him upstairs. "damn i wish i had game like that" Kelce implies, watching his best friend and other best friends sister go upstairs.

"Seriously Tay that hurt so bad, you know how weird you are" he says, rolling your eyes because he has said that every day for the past 1000 times you have been together. "i think someone is a little TOO butt hurt about this" you laugh at your own joke, as your boyfriend sits there, with a straight face. 'i think my ass is bleeding" he states, pulling down his pants and boxers to see his ass up close in the mirror. "now that is a sight i like to see GYATT" you yell. "You need help and what the fuck is a gyatt" he replies, still looking at himself in the mirror. "Its all that cake you got baby, i just wanna squeeze it every time i see it".

"what the fuck are you on about right now" he turns to look at you, you just laugh, taking out your geek bar and putting it up to your boyfriends mouth. Despise his confusion about your comments, he takes a deep puff, inhaling and exhaling the smoke. He takes off his clothes, and heads to the bathroom. "I need to take an ice bath or something, this 'cake' is on fire" he states. you giggle, running up quickly to give his ass another smack, he yells in pain as you run out the door, laughing down the stairs.

"What the hell is going on up there" Sarah asks, seeing you run down the stairs abruptly, with Topper and Kelce turning around to see who Sarah was talking too. You were about to answer when you hear a yell from upstairs "TAYLOR GET THE FUCK UP HERE I THINK MY ASS IS GONNA FALL OFF" your boyfriend yells. Sarah and everyone stops before crawling on the ground in laughter. "please dont let him get me guys" you laugh, hiding behind the couch. Toppers phone is ringing, and he answers it. "yea bro" he struggles trying not to laugh. "you better get my girlfriend up these fucking stairs before i come down there ass naked and fuck all of you up"

Topper laughs even harder, him and Sarah grabbing onto each other, on the literal verge of tears. "NO GUYS DONT LET HIM GET ME PLEASE" you yell but also are laughing so hard. "oh my god Taylor you have to go rafe is not bluffing he will come down here" sarah says, wiping her tears from her now red face. "Topper your coming with me" you reply. "WHAT, WHY ME?" he yells back. "Your the second strongest doofus, come on i need protection from this scary man i call my boyfriend' you reply back, he sighs and follows you.

You make it up the stairs, pausing before the doorway into Rafes room. "heyy Baby i was just uh joking no need to do anything back okay?" you ask nervously. You open the door. "i hate you' he says with the now ice pack from his mini fridge on his ass, laying down on his bed. As topper walks in, he cant stand the sight and laughs on the ground. "HOLY SHIT IM TAKING A PHOTO" topper hoots, going to get his phone. "Topper you get that phone i am going to get that pretty gun in my drawer and shoot your head off" he says calmly. " Aw baby, im so sorry" You laugh, going up to him and rubbing his forehead.

"Taylor i cant feel my ass, you broke my ass." he says, topper tries very hard not to laugh. "aw its okay rafey, toppy will take care of you" he says, patting Rafes back. "babe, get the fucking gun". topper ignore him, and pokes the left side of his ass. "did you feel that" he asks. "feel what?". "on your ass" topper replies. "DUDE DID YOU TOUCH MY ASS, WHAT THE FUCK. "its lowkey fatter than sarahs" Topper states. "Actually thank you for that Top, its not that hard since shes built like a man, now get the fuck out" he yells, topper just scoots up slowly, leaving the room. Lets just say, after this rafe was always covering his ass around Taylor

[ultimate-shipper-blog]

Pt 2. Of my one shot (will be posted as one big post on ao3)

Thank you for all the support! It's getting me through a tough time I'm going through rn in my travels. I had a short oneshot in mind like 1000 words but I think I'm gonna fluff it out.

-----

So it keeps...happening.

Eddie gets up, walks to the door, Steve's on the other side.

He pushes past Eddie and heads to his room.

Falls fast asleep.

He hasn't even been drunk the past two times.

This time is a little different.

Eddie's been sleeping next to him of course. How could he pass up the opportunity for something he's been dreaming about for years months weeks.

He can tell Steve's faking being asleep. He's breathing lighter, not the chainsaw snoring Eddie's grown used to. He's spread out like a starfish and Eddie is stiff on the edge of the bed. His face turned towards Steve, he can't resist staring at him.

Steve's eyelids flutter and Eddie's mind races with possibilities. Is he dreaming? Still awake? What's going on?

"Will you shut up and get over here," Steve mutters.

Is he talking in his sleep?

"Eddie." He opens one eye. "Get over here."

What the fuck.

He doesn't even have a second to panic before Steve reaches over and grabs him, successfully rolling him over into his arms.

"Finally." He nestles his face into Eddie's hair. "Give me a copy of your key I'm tired of waiting for you."

Eddie chokes.

"Steve." He strains. "What're you doing."

"Isn't it obvious? Sleeping."

----

Steve's a sweaty sleeper.

Eddie only knows because he wakes with his face in his BARE chest.

Yes he's been sleeping better since this started but at some point Steve's gonna have to give him an actual explanation.

How does he get out of this one? It's his trailer he can't exactly walk of shame it.

Steve's starting to wake up. He sniffles a bit and squeezes Eddie before letting go.

"Mornin." He rolls Eddie off and gets up.

"I'm going to work. Give me the key later."

....ok?!?!?! Eddie's sure he looks completely flabbergasted.

"Bye."

Eddie's watches him as he walks out.

Well...he's just gonna follow him. He needs answers. It's not like he hasn't been trying!

-----

"Ok!" He screams as he throws open the doors to family video. "I want answers!"

Robin looks at him in shock while Steve looks bored.

"What's this about?" Robin asks.

"Probably about us sleeping together." Steve says, bored.

"I'm...sorry...what's this?" Robin looks shocked.

"You know, that I've been sleeping with Eddie."

Robin whips to look at Eddie who doesn't look much better. They both are speechless, eyes wide, mouths open.

"No I do not know!"

"I'm restocking!" Steve yells as he walks past them into the back.

As soon as he's gone Robin stomps over to Eddie and punches him in the arm.

"OW!"

"What the hell doofus! You're sleeping with him? Why wouldn't you guys tell me! When was Steve even gay? I mean I know that- nevermind that's not important. You're dating!?!"

"No! I don't know!"

"How do you not know?!"

"We're not sleeping together! We're literally just sleeping in the same bed. We're...sleeping...together?"

Robin squints at him.

"You." She pushes a finger into his chest. "You better figure this out."

"Talk. To. Him." She jabs her finger into his chest between words.

----

Comment your thoughts! Comment your feelings! Comment!

I know it seems basic but I kinda had the thought of "what is Steve just took over the trailer because he needed to sleep without nightmares and then just never left"

More of this and my other oneshots coming soon!

I'll also be working on uploading everything I've ever written to my ao3 which is pinned on my profile

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 3 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 4

Summary : Disastrous Dinner with your parents leads to a small quarrel between you two.

Warning: Smoking, mention of recreational drug use, insecurities, a bit of angst, not so great parenting , 4.5 k words

After your mom left you immediately took a shower to cool down a little bit, it was 10 am and you had plenty of time to prepare for the evening.

He went to the bathroom after you and when he came out you could feel him staring at you but he wasn't saying anything.

"What?" You looked at him so he averted his gaze and pretended to read his book. "Gotta call my boss, i don't think I can go to work today"

You mumbled as you dialed the manager's number and put it on speaker phone because you wanted to paint your toenails.

"Hiii Mark it's y/n" you said cheerfully and you heard him grumbling in response. Just great

"I just ..uhh wanted to tell you that I won't be able to make it today, sooo"

"Whyyyyy?"

"Uhhh it's a family emergency"

"You can't just take a leave out of nowhere, you have to inform way beforehand, " he said, clearly sounding upset. Did he understand the meaning of emergency? Doofus

"Yeah I would have but it's umm I don't think you heard me right. I said that my family's car was hit by a bulldozer and some of them were still in it. And now they're in an emergency ward so I have to go see them..see you tomorrow byee" you tapped on your head in frustration as you hung up "Argggghh I hate this day already"

Also, why did you have to keep the phone on the speaker?

"So your mother seem ..a bit ahhh –" you found him to struggling to form a complete sentence which wasn't like him at all.

"Overbearing?"

"That. Yes. That"

"She is like that, but she means well"

His brows furrowed as you said that. He was finding it a tad harder to believe.

"Okay, we need to make a man, asap" you said to him as you tightly closed the bottle of the nail paint after you were done using it. He laughed in response because he thought you were joking.

"Darling, I promise it can not be Asap. I mean it would take months for him to grow in your womb before he's birthed and–" he stopped talking as you gave him the look that he had learned to understand as a sign for Stop right now. You sighed as you stood up and went down on your knees in front of him, you placed your hands on his thighs and the position made him gulp.

"I want you to be my boyfriend" his eyes flickered as you said that.

"Ohhhhh?"

"Just for the evening" you clarified it immediately. God you hoped he didn't think of you as some midgardian desperate creep.

"Oh"

"Will you do it for me please?"

"I uhhh–"

"Pleaseee please do it .. please I'm begging you Loki please I'll do anything you'd ask please " you joined your palms together and begged him to just help you out. You didn't really have to beg he thought, you saved his arse, he would walk right into the sun if you'd ask him to.

"I just..never have been a boyfriend before "

"You said you had relationships "

"What is the correlation here?"

"Huh?" He sighed as you failed to understand him.

"I just don't want to ruin this evening which I am sensing- is already a very stressful affair for you" he mumbled as he placed his elbows down on his thighs to rest his chin in the palms of his hand.

"You won't ruin it, oh no please. I'd love to have a friend while we eat dinner..a friend who actually likes me..you know" your eyes teared up so he cupped your cheeks and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on your forehead. That gesture made you feel so warm but you wished you had more time to relish in this feeling.

"I am very fond of you my darling" he mumbled softly. The words made the butterflies go crazy in your stomach. Okay so you were attracted to him which you had already figured by the intense feeling you kept having where you wanted to fuck him all the time, there was the bubbling scorching heat between you two and you also wanted to cuddle him all the time now, all of these things combined together looked bad when you considered how he was literally unattainable. A fucking prince, he was a god that you couldn't even dream of having. He probably wouldn't even look twice at you if you were in a crowded room full of all the beautiful women in the world, women that he probably deserved to have.

Everyone kept telling you that you had higher standards for yourself but then he must have them too right? You weren't it unfortunately.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yess" you stood up and jumped around a little in excitement.

"Oh wait butt oh no.. they can't see you..my mom will recognise you, she's obsessed with you..but in a very bad way"

"She is?"

"Yeah she hates you "

"I figured that..umm do not worry about that. I'll take care of this" he pointed towards his face so you went down on your knees again. You had to stop doing this in front of him because one of these times he'd forget to enchant his cock to not get hard in a jiffy.

"But .. I don't want anyone else there, I want you, I mean. I like this face..it's such a loki looking face that I like" he chuckled as you said that. Sometimes your words hardly made any sense and that's exactly why he adored them so much.

"How about I change my hair and the color of my eyes, maybe get a bit of facial hair, the face stays" you tilted your head as he said that.

"That could work besides there's no way she'd think that you're him with all those modifications you know..oh that's a great idea. Well I'm going to cook now..by the way can I paint your toenails afterwards? You have such pretty toes" you got up from the floor again so he looked down at his feet.

"Noooo" he yelled, making you giggle but now another thing was starting to bother you.

"Wait a second!! You don't have clothes, I need to get you earth people clothes"

"Yes I was troubled by that thought" He did have a suit he had stolen from a midgardian shop when he visited Thor a few years prior after he was banished but for some reason the idea of putting it on again disgusted him. And he couldn't have worn his famous Terrorist from Asgard terrorising Stuttgart overcoat either for obvious reasons.

"Oh no I have to go get it for you then ..it's 11 already and I have to make dinner, and dessert also and oh my god it's so dirty around here, what I'm gonna doooo??" he walked towards as you started to freak out again.

"Now let us pause for a moment here. Take a deep breath for me, can you?" He told you as he grabbed your shoulders to calm you down.

"Okayy..okay..i'm just freaking out" you took a deep breath in order to not pass out right this moment.

"You go purchase the attire for me and I will tidy up the space until then. That is alright?" He asked you so you hugged him tightly, his arms instantly wrapped around your waist as if it was the most natural state in the world, breathing in the scent of your hair he sighed deeply.

He really needed to get a grip. A woman like you deserved a man so noble and not a hideous looking frost giant like him whose moral compass has broken a long time ago. You have waited so long for the man of your dreams and he could never be it for you.

"I'll be back soon"

It took you two hours to find something decent for him to wear, you even had to buy a pair of shoes for him, you saw a bunch of cute t-shirts so you bought that as well. You heard the shower running when you came back from the mall, you couldn't even recognise your apartment. It looked beautiful. First of all it was clean, ofcourse. But he had done something with the lighting as well, it seemed fancier, like a classy restaurant, and it smelled really good too. He had also filled the space with a much needed furniture you didn't have.

There was an elegant looking table right in front of the kitchenette. Bonus point? It also had chairs, you had chairs in your apartment.

The bed was covered in a beautiful satin sheet. Asgardian sheet. He also had that sofa all cleaned up, it looked brand new.

You put the shopping bags down on the sofa as your eyes circled around again. When he entered the room you immediately ran towards him to hug him, momentarily forgetting that he was naked from the waist up and dripping wet.

"This is.. gorgeous..you're like a sorcerer" you mumbled as you pulled away from him and took a few steps back, he was freezing cold. He smiled as he walked closer and wiped the droplets of water from your cheeks, the ones you had gotten by hugging onto his naked wet chest so tightly.

"I'm a sorcerer " he giggled and it made your heart grow ten times larger.

"Thank you Loki, you have no idea what you have done for me" your eyes teared up and so did his, but then again you didn't have time to enjoy this moment, they would be here in like three hours, you also had to get ready.

He tried to help you in the kitchen as much as he could but he wasn't really helping plus the heat bothered him a lot so you made him sit down on the sofa, he had done enough already and you were very grateful for that.

After cooking and assembling the cutleries on the table which again was the courtesy of your alien friend, you put on a dress and finished your makeup. You looked good for a change, the black dress complimented your dark soul. It always did.

You looked at him as he got himself dressed too, you didn't want to go overboard with his attire, there was a dark green jacket because you remembered that to be his favorite color, a plain black t shirt underneath with a tight fitted trouser. For some reason you knew he wasn't the denim jeans type of alien god.

His tush looked extremely good in those pants but that's not what shocked you, it was the change in his appearance. He kept his face but his hair was no longer raven, it was light brown and shorter, you could finally see the back of his neck and it was as smooth as the rest of his skin, his eyes were hazel brown, light freckles adorned his nose and cheeks. The finishing touch was the golden tan on his skin and that I haven't shaved in a week stubble. Even though he had the same face he didn't look like himself. He actually reminded you of that guy from that one King Kong movie you couldn't remember the name of.

"This okay? Or do I resemble my oaf brother a little too much" He asked you so you smiled.

"You look very handsome mister" And hot, and sexy, delicious.

A nervous laughter escaped his throat at the compliment.

"And you my lady, you look–-" before he could finish his words you heard the buzzer going off so you hurriedly stepped towards the door and got them in. You felt anxious and awkward like always, having dinner with four people where you didn't really like the three of them was not your idea of fun. As you opened the door you saw your mom and her husband David first so you hugged her and your step father gave you a side hug.

"Welcome to my humble abode" you chuckled as they stepped in, then you met his daughters from hell, his perfect little princesses, the elder one was named Chelsea, she was a year younger than you and married. Ofcourse because she was just perfect like that. You weren't expecting her to bring her husband Shawn though.

"Wow i didn't know husbands were coming" you mumbled as you hugged her and your mom glared at you.

The younger sister Courtney gave you cheek kisses. Pretentious bitch. She was just 25 but obviously more accomplished and much more successful in her career according to your mother.

As they all stepped inside you noticed them looking around, they had never been here before.

"Wow, this is so tiny and adorable, you know when daddy said you were renting a studio apartment i thought it'd be bigger" Courtney said and you resisted the urge to poke her eyes out.

"It's actually bigger than most studio apartments, I'm actually not supposed to have that whole window area, default in their infrastructure, goodie goodie for me" you felt everyone's eyes on you so you stopped talking immediately, turned around and walked towards Loki, you grabbed his arm and decided to introduce him to everyone, most of them looked shocked but atleast your mother was smiling from ear to ear.

"This is uhh.." oh god you didn't think of a name. Ofcourse you didn't. You see Perfect Chelsea over there would have thought of a name.

"Mark, this is Mark Johnson..he's an auditor for the ..uhhh Marks and Spencers" they smiled at him as you introduced him. No, that name didn't sound fake at all. Nope.

"Hello Mrs. Umm –" he looked at your mother. Wow you two really should have discussed this part a little more. Like for real.

"Used to be something else now she's Mrs Jackson" you told him so he gave your mom a hug. She looked at you as she hugged him and mumbled a wow behind his back which made you want to die from embarrassment.

You didn't want to waste much time so you all sat down for dinner. The problem was he only made six chairs, and there were 7 of you. Gee, No thanks husband Shawn.

"You sit down okay?" You made Loki sit down so he grabbed your arm and scooted a little to the side, one of his buttocks was hanging in the air but he didn't care, he didn't want you to feel left out at your own family dinner.

As you sat down next to him, well almost onto him, everyone cooed. It's not as if you weren't getting used to being squished against him.

"So i noticed the accent, are you a London boy Mr. Mark" you wanted to hurl at the way Courtney was looking at him.

"Uhh yes, England" You took a sip of the wine you had in front of you, for the god of lies, he wasn't really good at living up to that status.

"So you're here on business? How did you two meet?" Your mom asked you so this time you answered instead.

"Ohh he's a member at the gym I work for" you smiled.

"Why do I feel like I have seen you somewhere?" Your mom squinted her eyes and it made you nervous.

"Ohh he looks like that guy from that movie.. I don't remember..the one with the big burly ape" you agreed as Shawn said that. Well thanks Shawn

"Ohhhh yeah..yeah you're right"

"So auditing? You like that job, son?" David asked him. Oh!! he's not your son David. No no considering his age, David was the son, his father was the son, his grandfather was the son. Why couldn't you just stop having thoughts for once?

"No. I don't know what that is actually" he chuckled and then you heard them all laughing in unison. You did too before you glared at him,

"Wow, good looking and funny. By the way, raise your glasses everyone.. I have an announcement" Courtney grabbed her glass of wine and took a deep breath before she proceeded to speak.

"I got the job in London..ahhhh" she squealed as she celebrated herself and everyone then squealed for her, she worked for an embassy or something, you never cared to find out. Your mother did remind you now and again as how it could have been you if you'd have been a little sincere about your life.

"Ohh honey congratulations, that's amazing, I'm sooo proud of you" your mom said to her so you smiled in disbelief.

"Okay okay..i have a news too. We have a news" Chelsea said as she smiled from ear to ear and looked at her husband "So I'm not drinking wine because I'm abstaining, I lied sorry.. hint hint" She pointed towards her belly and the whole world gasped for her.

"Call Odin and ask him if he heard the gasps" you mumbled in his ear and he bit on his cheek to stop himself from smiling. She was pregnant ofcourse. They all hugged her and congratulated the lovely couple, so did you, you had no other choice.

"Both of our daughters make me so happy sweetie" David's eyes teared up as he held your mother's hand.

"I am so proud of them"

After the happiness died down a little, Courtney looked at you.

"So y/n you're a trainer at the gym right..don't they like pay very less?"

"It actually depends on my competence and how many clients I can get in a month," you said to her. No you didn't miss the snark, you just wanted to ignore it.

"Oh.. so less huh"

God you hated her.

"Shoot i am out" David said as he opened the box of his cigarettes.

"Oh honey" your mom comforted him and then she glared at you as Courtney made another comment.

"Y/n smokes, just ask her for one dad"

"It was just that one time.."

You tried to defend yourself but your mom cut you off as she shook her head in disappointment.

"Look if you have it, just be a good hostess and give one to him" she said to you so you were about to get up but Loki stopped you.

"I'll get it darling. I found it while cleaning" he said to you so you smiled, as he walked towards the closet you wondered what he meant, what did he find? As he returned he passed the lighter to David along with that fucking joint you couldn't find yesterday.

"Uhhh this is not..is this weed?"

You stood up and snatched it from his hand. Loki felt mortified now, maybe he should have asked first if your stepfather wanted to smoke weed or something else. He really should have thought a little harder about it.

"It's not mine, it's a friend's" you mumbled so your mom looked at you.

"Oh sweetie, are you in the wrong company again?" She questioned and you immediately denied. You felt overwhelmed now, you just wanted to go cry in your bathroom.

"I apologise darling, i had no clue what he wanted" he whispered in your ear so you sighed. He just wanted to help.

"It's fine..it's okay " you told him, you didn't want him to feel bad about this even though you felt completely mortified now.

"So what are your plans for marriage?" The wine came out of your nose as your mom questioned Loki.

"Mommm" you glared at her and gestured to cut it out but ofcourse she ignored the cue.

"I'm just asking, you two make a cute couple..what do you guys think?" She looked around the table for approval.

"Ohhh yess hook him in y/n before you lose this one too" Courtney cackled like a witch. Loki felt awful, these people reminded him of those bilgesnipes, all ready to pounce and attack you for no reason. He felt something grazing over his shin so he looked under the table and saw a bunch of toes rubbing against him. It belonged to one of your sisters.

"She's touching me" he whispered in your ear so you looked under the table and she stopped immediately.

"Marriage is such a beautiful thing, it just makes me sad that y/n is going to be in her thirties now and she's still..so lonely" Chelsea gave you a sad look making you scoff in response.

"But I'm happy.. and I don't really care alright?"

"Well you should care honey, when you're sixty and alone with no-one to take care of you you'll regret this attitude" your eyes teared up as your mother chimed in. You saw your step sisters smiling and passing glances to each other.

"Didn't you marry twice?" Loki asked your mother so you glared at him and asked him to cut it out.

"Excuse me?" Your mom had the typical look of disapproval now. You could just tell she didn't really like him any longer.

"You married her father and it must not have worked very well since you are married to this gentleman here now?" He asked her again so you facepalmed.

"But that's life, that happens, sometimes things don't work out between two people, there are several different reasons why people get divorced" she raised her voice a little and you could feel everything getting out of your hand now.

"Well pardon my interference but perhaps she doesn't want that to happen to her as well, maybe she wants to spend her life with someone who would be there for every reason and not only for a season" your mom gave him a death glare as he said that and so did you. The tension in the room kept on piling up.

He could tell you were upset with him for opening his big mouth today.

After the dinner and dessert ended, you were hoping for them to just leave, you had no energy to take more insults.

"Sooo we are going to be here for two days, let's go somewhere tomorrow" your mom hugged you as she spoke so you hummed in agreement "And lose this one, he's not the type of man who is going to marry you" she said to you as she pulled away.

"Yeah? Why do you think that?" You chuckled but it was because of the frustration you were feeling in the moment.

"Look at him honey. Don't be such a fool, men like him don't settle for women like us, he's just having his fun I can tell" you nodded as she said that. Once they all left you shut the main door with a force and then you turned around to glare at him.

"Y/n i –"

"You could have just kept your mouth shut you know"

"I didn't intend to disrespect her, she just--"

"What were you trying to do then huh? Do you know how hard that divorce was on her? On me?" Your eyes welled up as you questioned him. That comment your mom made was the last nail in the coffin and unfortunately she wasn't here to bear the brunt of it so you took it out on him.

"I am sorry, please don't be upset darling" he mumbled softly but you were too angry to care right now.

"I'm not your darling, giving him the roll of weed wasn't enough for you huh? God I wish you weren't here today, it's all my fault" his eyes filled with tears as you said that. A part of you knew you were misdirecting your anger and frustration on him but you still couldn't stop, you wished you would have though because the look on his face bothered you a lot, you never wanted to see him look so sad and that too because of you.

You scurried towards the bathroom and then the tears couldn't stop coming, your step sisters were younger and better than you and they were living their best lives while nothing turned your life around no matter how much you worked for it, they were accomplishing everything they had dreamt of while several of your dreams had already been shattered, you had successfully wasted half of your life so far and accomplished nothing. Your mother probably wished for a daughter like them and that's why she found love in David again.

When you came out, he looked at you with a worried look on his face, he still had the same clothes on but he was back to looking like himself. Did you really just tell him that you wished he wasn't here after everything he had done for you today? God, you felt like a selfish asshole. No wonder you didn't have anyone in life that you could actually count on.

"Do you want me to disappear?" He asked you and you suddenly felt so anxious.

"No. I'm sorry..I'm so sorry Loki" as you started to sob he walked towards you and hugged you as tightly as he could, that was it for you in that moment, you broke down and cried until you couldn't cry any more.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it, please don't go, i ..you're the only true friend I have..the best one i have ever had, and you were so good to me today, so sweet and I'm so sorry lo" you pulled away to look at him so he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead.

"I'm sorry I ruined the feast with my callousness" you smiled as he said that. He wasn't being callous, he just wanted to defend you. What a sweet sweet man.

"Well it's not as if it was going any better before..so I'm not really sorry about it" he kissed your forehead again and you just wanted to kiss him, it took everything to not clash your lips against his in that moment.

"You don't deserve to be treated in such a manner, you went through such pain today to make this enjoyable for them and you don't deserve anyone hurting you like that, none of the things they said hold true whatsoever" he said to you softly.

"You don't either Loki, I'm sorry it was me who hurt you today but I never want to be such a jerk to you again" he smiled at the statement.

"I understand, I have had my fair share of outbursts to comprehend that it didn't come from a place of malice but mere frustration and it wasn't intended for me" he mumbled and it made you smile. God he really was a dreamboat.

"Thank you Loki for everything you did today. You have no idea how much I appreciate you being here for me right now, i really do"

You hugged him again and took a deep breath, his hugs and sweet words really made you feel better than before. He was your friend, you loved having him as your friend. You looked up at him and the look in his eyes made you aware of the close proximity so you stepped away a little, he placed his hands inside the pocket of his pants to avoid the awkwardness but he had something in there so he took it out.

"What is it?"

"Something one of your sisters shoved into the pocket when we greeted each other" he said as he passed the slip to you. It was her phone number. What a bitch.

"Burn it down"

"Yes madam" you smiled as he said that.

"Umm..I'll go sleep, I'm tired" you mumbled as turned around and stepped towards the closet to take your pyjamas out.

"Uhh..What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked you, so you sighed.

"Nothing i– " Well actually "There's something you can do" you gave him a mischievous smile and he sighed as he understood what you wanted from him.

That's how he ended up on the sofa with you sitting on the floor with his feet resting on your thighs while you painted his toenails the same colour as yours.

"So pretty" you giggled as you finished the one leg and it warmed his heart. It was unbearable for him to see that hurt look on your face throughout the evening, knowing that there were people in the world who hurt you like that made his heart clench, he just wanted you to not feel that way like ever. He wanted to keep you protected.

"Maybe tomorrow we can do your makeup" you said nonchalantly making him tilt his head in response.

"How about no?" He responded and you feigned a look of disappointment.

At night he slept in that bed of yours, his sad brows were faster than your resistance today. You couldn't sleep though. You kept wondering if he'd come cuddle you but it has been an hour and he seemed asleep now. Wow this really bothered you, him not cuddling you by force like he had done in the last two days really really bothered you.

You sat up and got off from his princely bed then you took a few steps towards yours, you thought about what you were going to do for a moment. When he cuddled you, it was circumstancial, he had a nightmare the first night and then his body ached the other, you had no choice in that matter, you could have always pretended that you didn't love his cuddles but getting in the bed now would affirm that you indeed enjoyed sleeping with him like that and wanted it as much as he did.

Fuck it your cursed in your head before crawling into the bed. He was asleep but he did feel your body next to him, maybe he'd think that he was dreaming. Goddss he smelled divine.

He was lying on his side facing towards you so you sneaked your hand in the space between his neck and the pillow, he felt the invasion and instead of opening his eyes and calling you out for it he scooted closer to you instead and pressed his head down on your chest like he had done before. One of his arms went under your waist to pull you even closer while the other wrapped around you.

He embraced you as intimately as he could without it turning too sexual, this was the most intimate you had ever been with a man. Sure you had sex but even then you had several inches of distance between your bodies somehow. You hooked your legs around his waist in the usual position.

"Thank you" you mumbled softly in his ears and he hummed in response. You were thankful for him, you had known him for mere few weeks but you had never felt so strongly understood by someone.

"I'm overjoyed that you came. I just figured you needed your personal space tonight, perhaps I was mistaken " you smiled as he mumbled against your chest.

"Perhaps"

You knew it won't take you long enough to fall asleep now, you wondered if this was appropriate or not but you no longer cared for it. You also knew that you were only digging a deeper hole for yourself. Getting addicted to the feeling of cuddling him like this will only hurt you later when he won't be here with you. Your mother wasn't wrong, men like him didn't choose women like you for life but then you knew that already, didn't you?

Nothing so good could ever last forever, nothing so sweet and gentle could ever be wholly yours. Maybe you can press the stop button on this tomorrow but tonight you just wanted to indulge a little. Tonight you just wanted to live a little. Something that you haven't done for as long as you could remember.

🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

Tag list (if you want to be tagged or removed let me know.. also I’m not able to tag some of you, please check your settings)

@annoyingsweetsstranger @mcufan72

@nixymarvelkins @stupidthoughtsinwriting @fictive-sl0th @huntress-artemiss @eleniblue @violethaze @anukulee @ladymischief11 @12-pm-510 @wolfsmom1 @whylokiissocute @hyperlokilover @vickie5446 @pics-and-fanfics @daddylokisqueen @tallseaweed @olivertwistrabbit @blog-the-lilly @prettylittlepluviophile @flashhxn-lights @vanilla-daydreaming @somewiseguy @yaaamadaa-blog @dragonmurray @nyxxharmonia @elthreetimes @grufteila

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

sulani: set sometime after this

cw: while i tried to deal with it in a light way (without trivialising the issue), this does allude to consent. nothing happens, everyone’s wishes are respected, and no one is persuaded/pressured to do anything. just in case the subject may understandably be triggering for some though.

(also while I did my best with @akitasimblr's leo harper - or rather my homebrand cc free knock-off - nothing he does is canon unless Ana says it is!)

* * *

"Looking good, Leo. Why, thank you, you handsome devil. Have to say, Ms. “I’ve done more mucking out than messing around” was not the contestant I was expecting this call from. But we all saw her in that bikini. I would hardly refuse."

It was at this moment, Araminta knew that she had fucked up.

(Oooh, he is going to hate me. And completely ruin my chances with Dodo, if not my entire reputation simply out of spite. I know his type too well. Still, Minty. An explanation is owed - and an apology. You come from two long lines of royalty, so you must have a spine somewhere. Find it.)

"I have to say, this was an unexpected surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Can I get you anything? There’s a chardonnay chilling that will knock your socks off. And a few other things too, but we can take our time with that."

"..."

"Uh, Minty? I assume we’re on pet name terms, or we’re about to be. If it’s the chardonnay, I can have something else brought up."

"... .... ...."

"Listen, between you and me, when you get us five star celebrities between the sheets? We’re just Some Guy. Well, some of us anyway. I have it on good authority that Thorne Bailey for example is the worst woohoo. Like not even one star. So don’t be nervous! Assuming that you’re nervous because it’s me." 

(cue Leo's own math lady meme moment)

"Orrrr are you nervous because you’ve changed your mind - and you don’t know how to tell me?"

(looks up at him hopefully)

"Well, I’m taking anything other than shoving me onto the bed as a resounding ‘no, I’m not into this anymore.’ Why don’t I check on that chardonnay, and you take a moment? If I end up having the entire bottle to myself, that’s okay."

"See? It was fine. You are fine. Pull yourself together, Araminta."

* * *

"I… didn’t mean to text you. Your profile pictures look exactly the same."

"Funny how that works. So, you thought that you were texting my brother? And in spite of having at your fingertips the hottest commodity in the entire Simsverse - ie. my own personal private number - you decided that you’d rather attempt a night of passion with that doofus instead?"

"Well... yes?"

(leaves unsaid that there wasn't even a decision to be made. also - ahem. dodo is not a doofus, thank you.)

"But Watcher, everyone knows that I’m the sexy twin!"

(tactful silence)

"I am so terribly sorry, Leo. And quite frankly, mortified. I’d tear up my contract right now if I could."

"Contracts don’t work like that, Princess. Trust me. Don’t sweat it. It’s nothing to leave the challenge over. I can’t promise that I won’t laugh at you later or bring it up on the show at some point, but apart from you being a boring do-gooder, we’re cool. Deep breaths."

"I did, er, bring some wine myself. It’s an aged Chestnut Ridge red from our cellar, and I had thought that Dodo-"

"Totally wasted on him. Give me that."

"Thank you, by the way, for being so nice about this."

"Nice? Ha. I thought you lived on some Henford estate, not beneath a rock. But I’m not a creep. If you don’t one hundred percent want to be here, then I don’t want you here. Period. Go downstairs and get a massage or something. It looks like you need it."

"I may do just that."

"Wait - let’s check that you have my brother’s number right. You may have picked the wrong twin, but there’s nothing wrong with your taste in wine. And if you and Dodo don’t work out, then I’m always happy to mentor a promising up-and-comer." (winks)

"I’ll, uh, bear in mind that generous offer."

"No you won’t. You’re just being polite. Now scram. I’d totally smack your arse on your way out, but the Watcher is too cheap for that pack. And if you ever tell anyone other than Dodo that I wasn’t a total dick to you, I’ll spread a rumour that you once drank white wine with red meat or some other shit that would totally ruin your good name within 'polite' society."

"Plum, she really was that surprised at me being cool with her not wanting to sleep with me. The bar for men is so low, it must be in fucking Selvadorada. Here’s to being the sexy twin. And to all my daughters hopefully being lesbians."

"Hey, this is really a nice vintage. Nice girl too, unfortunately. But I could have fixed her, Watcher..."

[xplrvibes]

Opinion on latest episode?

Zak Bagans brings me such joy.

He's just such a...doofus. It reminds me of a simpler time.

Other than that, I don't think I have (m)any good things to say about this video. I'll go behind a cut for the meat of this, but reader beware: I am going to be critical and, quite frankly, kind of mean. I am probably going to say some ugly truths that some people don't want to hear. If you can't handle that, skip this and catch me on the next post.

Before the cut, here's a few pre-game positives about the video:

The concept was actually interesting.

I like that it was just snc (and Zak, briefly). Less guests in 2025!!

Colby's outfit in St Augustine made me laugh. Why the high socks and low shorts combo? (Is this a positive? I don't know)

Alright, well that was fun. Now onto the part that's bound to get me in trouble:

I think I'm just going to jump right into the deep end and talk about Sam, first.

*TW: I am not nice about this. Last chance to skip this whole thing if you think that will be a problem for you.*

I struggled with how I wanted to word this, because my initial thoughts throughout this whole thing were not fit to print.

I don't want to be mean.

But like...what the fuck, man.

There is a level of self absorption in Sam that is honestly going to tank this whole channel if he doesn't get it the fuck together. The name on the door isn't "Sam and Friends." It's "Sam and Colby." They are supposed to be 50/50 partners and he has now proven that he thinks his way is the ultimate highway and is repeatedly going into business for himself.

It's disappointing, to say the least.

And I'm going to be very blunt here: I don't care about his need to prove the paranormal to himself, no matter the cost. I don't sympathize with him on that front, even if I can empathize. NONE of us know for sure what's going on after the final curtain call, and none of us ever will until we get there. We are all rowing that same boat to that same destination, but Sam is captaining a ship called hubris and he's headed for a fucking iceberg.

I think the thing that gets me the most about Sam's supreme selfishness is him looking his best friend in the face and disrespecting him by lying to him, trying to take all the big moments in these videos for himself, and completely disregarding Colby's feelings on the matters as if they don't matter. And then when he does tell Colby and Colby gets rightfully upset about it, he starts crying about how it's more important for HIM to prove the paranormal than it is for anyone else in the world because HE needs to believe and HE doesn't believe, and THEN he starts in about how difficult HIS 2023 was to a fucking person who spent half of his 2023 with CANCER.

That is the most manipulative series of events to pull on someone, and the fact that this has happened multiple times on camera is concerning.

When Colby said that it's supposed to be a partnership and it's really not, I felt that. Sam doesn't view them as partners. He views himself as the star attraction and the ultimate top dog of the table and he views Colby in a position of lesser importance.

And sadly, I don't have much hope of that changing.

This is a habit of his. He does this repeatedly. They had a carbon copy of this exact conversation a year ago and NOTHING changed. Hell, they went and filmed Farrar right after this and Sam pretty much guilt tripped Colby into going down into that boiler room, even when he didn't want to.

Nothing is changing.

And here's another really blunt, painful statement: Sam planned this ridiculous bullshit behind Colby's back and continued on with it after watching his best friend kneeling on a floor in front of a doll begging it for forgiveness because he was scared about the possibility of the doll giving him cancer again (I'll get to that in a moment). He heard the tears in Colby's voice when he told Sam he didn't want to disrespect Robert because he never wanted to go through this again.

And then he went into that building and took that photo anyway.

Let that sink in.

Sam's mission took priority over Colby's safety, traumas, and fears.

It's alarming how little regard he has for even Colby sometimes.

I don't know. I think Colby was owed much more of a genuine apology than what was shown on camera. He is definitely owed a fuckton more respect than what's being afforded him.

I have doubts that he's getting either of those.

.

So all of that dovetails into my other huge issue with this whole video, which is Robert the Doll and the issue of Colby's cancer.

Let me preface this by saying that I do not think any doll caused that cancer, and I'm not thrilled that they are starting to allow this narrative after more than a year of dismissing it.

That being said, I want to point something out here, and I think it's something that everyone forgets sometimes.

Colby went through a very traumatic experience with his cancer journey. And he did it very publicly, while being in the paranormal community.

He is a man with a history of chronic anxiety and a belief in spiritualism and the paranormal. He has also had the fear of reoccurrence of his cancer hanging over his head for a while now.

He's got people on the internet constantly telling him the doll may have caused it. He's got his friends using that as a plot point for their own videos with Robert, to great success.

I'm sure after a while, the cogs in some part of his brain started turning and he started thinking, "You know, if that doll did curse me and that's why I got cancer, apologizing to it will lift the curse and I might not get it again."

He had hope for the fear.

So he goes there - with his best friend who helped him through the entire ordeal and the aftermath and has to know better than anybody what this meant to him - with an apology note in hand *just in case* and he sits down with the owners and asks them what they think about all this cursing business.

And they, with dollar signs in their little beady eyes, tell this scared cancer survivor, "Yep, the doll did it, and he's probably gonna do something even worse to you unless you sincerely repent and mean it with every fibre of your being."

And then, to top that off, Colby tearfully goes off and does this whole dramatic unveiling of this doll and looks like he's going to puke, proving that he's really starting to believe all this shit about the doll fucking him (and only him) over. He writes a heartfelt, if slightly cheesy and dramatic, note begging for forgiveness and includes a whole paragraph in there about what a great and loving friend and business partner Sam is and asks this doll to leave them BOTH alone (a weirdly ironic moment, considering). He comes out of this and quite firmly tells Sam he does not want to fuck with or disrespect this doll in any way because he doesn't ever want to go through cancer again.

And then Sam, knowing all of this, with dollar signs in his beady little eyes, goes and takes a picture of the doll behind Colby's back and starts salivating over voodoo dolls he brought of them (including a doll he brought of Colby which proves he was totally planning on including Colby in this despite his claims of wanting to keep him out of it) so he can put a bunch of dolls together and what...create a ghost doll cyclone?

To be honest, I don't know what the fuck he was actually trying for because it sounded so stupid that my brain short circuited and I started seeing stars, but like what the FUCK.

Why was there not one person in this video prioritizing and showing any concern for the cancer survivor they were all just fucking up again and again with this shit?

I don't think Sam's stupid plan would've worked anyway, cause it quite franky made no sense. But HE thought it would work. And he saw all that and did it anyway.

Colby apologized to that doll because that was his way of getting some kind of control back over his fate. And half the people in that building with him that day purposefully tried to scare him and his fanbase more so they could sell more tickets, and the other half purposefully shit all over his wishes to not disrespect the doll by breaking the first rule of respecting the doll because their need to be #1 on the call sheet trounced everything else.

I just cannot comprehend the lack of disrespect peppered throughout this entire monstrosity.

I'm not even going to touch some of the other shit that went on in this video, because I feel like I've pushed my luck far enough with this one and I'm just disgusted and want to be done with this.

But this video was just bad. I did not like it. I have little respect for Sam right now, I'm once again concerned at Colby's inability to stop people from walking all over him, I thought some of the shit in this video was corny (the whole kneeling in front of the doll thing- why did he have to kneel?) and I'm just really tired of the constant "whoops we want too far, gotta take a few months off now to repent" shit when I know nothing's going to change.

This one gets a -12/10. Zak Bagans is the only reason it even scored that high.

That man is a National Treasure. Not one we want or need, mind you, but a treasure nonetheless.

[cluelessatthispoint]

Hi, hello! How are you? Good I hope.

I was wondering if I could request some platonic RED!Scout with a BLU!Scout Reader who is the total opposite of him? While he jokes around and is just LOUD as fuck, if you look a bit behind him you see Reader just kinda standing there in complete silence with a Thousand-yard stare. Also, it you would be very funny if they were extremely stronger than Scout, mf can crush two cans just by flexing their arm a bit and then there is Scout trying to to the same and failing.

-

Scout: You see this? This is the prime example of friendship! We protect each other like brothers! We will not hesitate to beat the shit out of anyone who doubts our strength! Am I right bro?

Reader: ... *thumbs up*

Scout: >:)

I like your style anon.

~~~~~~~~~~

Red. The color itself is bold. Striking in apperance and easily spotted amidst a myriad of other colors. The color red is bold, empowering. A color that has ties with love, with rage, with passion -the color of blood. The crisp morning air smells fresh and sweet. The rain from the night before having washed away the dust that lingered in the air.

"Oi! Blue! What's up?"

The familiar sounding twang of a Boston accent cuts through the calm of the morning. Turning to face your red clad counterpart. You give him a blank stare. Unbothered, the red scout saunters over with a noticeable spring in his step.

"Heyyy now, no need to give me that look. I know ypur happy to see me."

Rolling your eyes, a small exasperated smile can't help but creep up on your chapped lips. Blanking out as the Red Scout's voice rambles on. You almost miss him taking a seat next to you. The fabric of his pants rustling with his movements as the gravel crunches beneath the soles of his shoes. His voice, while not unwelcome. Is still too energetic for the time of morning. The sun still orange and painting the sunrise a pinkish hue.

"Yeah, yeah, I see that smile. Don't be acting all high and mighty. Good morning to you too doofus."

Leaning back, resting your palms on the gravel by your rear. The feeling of small rocks and pebbles pressing against the calloused skin of your palms bring a sense of calm and focus. Nodding your head once curtly, the Red Scout smiles. Clearly used to your personality. Your counterpart sighs heavily, his shoulders sagging downwards and relaxing.

"You know something Blue? You may not be as fast as me, or as good lookin-"

The glare you send his way at that makes him chuckle and wave his arms animatedly as he tries his best to explain his meaning.

"-Oi, don't gimme that! I'm just saying. Even though we're different an all...I'm glad. You make me feel less alone. Miss my brother's lots. You're like a brother to me..even if you're wearing blue."

Observing the soft features of your friend. The way he speaks sounds slowed, calm. Different from the way he spouts whatever comes to mind. You can tell how much effort it's taking for him to tell you this. But it feels good. Your feelings mirroring his own. Turning your gaze back out at the landscape ahead, you sigh. In a few hours the next battle will start and the cycle of killing and respawning will begin. But for right now, sitting in the warmth and newness of a new day. A good day.

~~~~~~

I hope that this was okay. I really enjoyed writing this. I'm just trying different writing styles as I try to get back into the funk of writing again.

[sunny-mercya]

Proud

Charlotte Katakuri x Male Reader

Fandom -> One Piece

Masterlist

You followed Brulee deeper into her Mirror world, as she leads you to Katakuri, your Husband. There was no use in remembering the way, too complicated confusing anyways.

Your mind was clouded with worry for Katakuri. Only having heard of his defeat by accident, because of Brulee's rambling and mumbling while she searched for something. You asked Brulee instantly right away, pressuring her to take you to Katakuri. Begrudgingly she took you with her, after getting the first-aid kit.

Upon seeing Katakuri laying there, you sprinted the last few meters to him, skidding to a halt and dropping to your knees next to him.

Katakuri had his arm over his face, trying to regulate his breathing the best he could, as his chest heaved heavily. Katakuri ignored the pain and wounds, some of them bleeding.

He, a Sweet Commander, the Minister of flour, had lost. Lost to a mere tiny human being, who had nothing more than a foolish dream and only fightet because he wants to bring back the friend, which he holds dear.

Katakuri scoffed at this, but than again, they share the same kind of feelings. He too has a foolish dream and someone he holds dear. Perhaps the reasons why Katakuri couldn't defeat Luffy at all. Why he lost, because in contrast to Luffy, Katakuri couldn't bring himself to go against Mama and leave this Island with you—to live this foolish dream.

«Kuri?» your voice of a whisper had broken him out of his thoughts. He hummed, moving his arm away and turned his head to look at you.

You bite your lips, feeling the tears brimming in your eyes. Crawling towards his face, gently laying your hands onto his cheek, rubbing the roughed up skin, before hugging his face and holding back your sobs.

Oh. He had made you that worried? Katakuri feels guilty now, didn't wanted to be reason to make you cry. You let go of your Husbands face, settling down onto the ground again.

«I'm sorry [Name], for losing.» would you be disappointed in him now, for losing? Would you want a divorce, because he wasn't strong enough anymore?

Katakuri could understand if you decided to leave him forever now. He's a monster after all, someone who doesn't deserves any kind of love from someone like you—a precious kind of human.

Katakuri blinked, focusing back on you, when you have snapped your fingers for a third time.

«Repeat that,» he asked you, hadn't listen.

«I said, you big doofus, that I don't fucking care about your win or lose! I care about you and your wellbeing! So don't make me ever worried like this again Kuri! I feared you had died.» by now you were completely crying, clenching your pants.

You're always worried about Katakuri and most of his siblings. The constant pressure from Big Mom, the fighting and this need to prove themselves—to be worth of life and Big Mom's approving and "love"—was a toll on their mental health. Making them sick and hurt in a different way.

«I'm sorry» Katakuri apologise again, not sure what else to say. You had lectured him more than enough over the years and yet, besides always promising to you that is he careful, he makes you worried over and over again.

Taking a breath, you wiped your tears. Moving closer to Katakuri again, you kissed his cheek, nose and mouth. Giving him a wavering smile.

«You know Kuri, beside you making me worried again. Brulee and I are still proud of you! You did great Kuri and your always will be the best for us!»

You would always be proud of your Husband. Doesn't matter if he wins or lose, he's doing his best everyday and that what counts. You chuckled upon seeing Katakuri's red face. Always a beloved sight for you, to see your husband so flushed.

Katakuri always thought, wether the days are good or bad for him, that he didn't deserve you at all. Yet you managed to crush those thoughts of his, with your pure unconditional love you have for him.

Katakuri returned a small smile of his own. For you, he would give everything up, just so he could see your smile everyday.

~~~

Luffy still felt worried about you. The doubt still nagging at him, for leaving you behind on Cake Island.

You begged Luffy to let you stay here, telling him again and again that Cake Island was your home and the place where you family and happiness belongs to.

Luffy does wanted you to be part of his crew or at least brining you away from Cake Island, yet you denied his request with both, an apology and a thanks.

«Don't make such a face Luffy. [Name]'s gonna be alright, if he has faith in Katakuri than perhaps he's in good hands after all,» Nami tells him, patting his back and going back to the helms-wheel.

Luffy heaved a sight out, Nami was probably right, but your once fearful face still haunts the back of his mind.

[girlbossblackbeard]

s2 ep3 delirious ramblings in honor of eps 4 and 5 coming soon!!

you already KNOW wtf goin on !!!

-the red flag fleet pig tails absolutely slay every single time

-Zheng Yi Sao putting her arm out to shield Olu from the dying guy that just got stabbed has me feeling some typa way (falling in love with her)

-stede just pushing his little bar and charcuterie cart around im obsessed

-Zheng Yi Sao's customer service voice when she says "Hi! I'm Zheng Yi Sao, you're...John?" like she's cold-calling someone is absolutely top tier, I would give her all my money if she were calling to scam me

-"champers?" stede you absolute doofus i love him far too much

-Zheng Yi Sao being all coy with her "ohh...forget it...;)" stop!!!!! im already in love with you please stop this madness!!!!!! i can't take much more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-OLU'S OFFENDED FACE WHEN STEDE JUST PLOPS THE TOWELS DOWN ON ZHENG YI SAO'S DESK LMAO

-okay. we have to talk about stede hearing "the revenge" and his mind going completely blank aside from the one thought of "Ed" replaying over and over and over again to the point that all sense of self-preservation flies completely out the window (as he flies over the side of the ship) because the ONLY thing that matters to him in that moment is seeing Ed again. i can only imagine the looming sense of doom he must've felt as he realized Ed was noticeably absent from the rest of the crew when he found them, and then the cagey way they all spoke about where Ed went. i wonder if seeing Ed's body lying on that table gave him any sense of relief in the way that getting confirmation of something you'd feared was coming finally arrives

-also!!! let's talk about what must have started running through Olu's mind when he realized it was their ship!! did he immediately think of Jim? was he worried about them? did he assume they would've escaped blackbeard's clutches by now and gone on to bigger and better things?

-"she's returned to us...mostly" i wonder how sad buttons must have felt seeing the revenge in such a dire state :((

-"maybe she's gone through that triangle thing by bermuda" wee john my beloved

-I TOLD Y'ALL WHEN THAT MF GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 HITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT VERY NEARLY WAS BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-oh holy fuck the way the look of excitement on stede's face morphs into a look of horror as he takes in just how wrecked the revenge got in the storm is extremely upsetting

-someone smarter than me needs to do a deeper analysis on the use of gnossienne no.5 as stede is climbing the ladder of the revenge, no doubt with thoughts of a beautiful and loving reunion with ed because surely he'll be there waiting for him, just as overjoyed to see stede as stede is to see him, only for the song and that fantasy to abruptly get cut off once stede realizes how dire the situation on the revenge has gotten

-hey fam do we think there's any significance of the crew being found desecrating that seagull in the captain's quarters or was that just a plot convenience thing bc obviously stede would check the captain's cabin for ed first

-"just thought you'd be taller...mu-muscly, you know...charismatic" bruh ain't NO way Certain People had been either 1) talking about stede in such a high regard it put him up on a massive pedestal or 2) ahem....sobbing so loudly the entire god damn ship can hear it every single night for literal months...that archie fully thought stede MUST have been basically a god amongst mortals to make ed be so downbad it drove him to violent insanity

-"why can't i get a straight answer from any of you" because they're all gay bitch!!!!! you knew this when you first hired them!!!!!!

-OBSESSED with how Izzy is fully down an entire leg and Stede could NOT give less of a shit about it. Literally telling him "Piss off Izzy, I don't wanna hear from you" as if there isn't the biggest possible elephant on the deck basically screaming to be talked about

-side note: for the love of GOD con o'neill looks so stupidly hot in his reaction shot to stede telling izzy to piss off it's actually gonna give me heart palpitations. this is my formal petition to make con o'neill look permanently just a little bit damp and a little bit sad

-"when you get old, if you don't wanna work anymore you can just give up i guess" frenchie my beloved

-love love love love love the parallels between buttons and auntie being the actual paragon of first mates with almost preternatural senses for mutiny a'brewin or the sea shifting

-hey fam do we think izzy actually stabbed stede's painting or was it really ed and izzy was...sparing stede's feelings???? but why??? is it because he's intimately aware of how it feels to lose ed and even though he hates stede (or used to) he still wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone??

-SORRY I GOTTA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I CALLED IT FROM THE MOMENT THE TEASER DROPPED THAT THE RAG MAN WAS GONNA BE HORNIGOLD'S GHOST MANIFESTING AS THE PARTS OF ED HE HATED THE MOST

>>>it turned out to be all parts of himself which did me quite a big ouchie but im still riding the high of having sussed that out so early on im LITERALLY destined to be a writer on this show. djenks get at me i know ur reading this

-i have absolutely no idea what the pig is supposed to symbolize in ed's fever dream someone who has a functioning brain should figure it out and let me know pls & thx

-don't know if this is significant symbolism or not, but: ed is wearing the cravat, his chains, and the pearl necklace in the storm. he is NOT wearing the cravat or the chains in the fever dream, but he IS still wearing the pearls. the best analysis i can do around that rn is that the cravat symbolizes stede and this journey he's about to go on needs to be about Ed and Ed alone, but also Ed *feeling* and *thinking* he's genuinely alone, which is supported by the conversation he has with hornigold later when he reveals he's worried there's no one waiting for him in the real world. the chains im thinking could symbolize his blackbeard persona in a way - presumably he got the gold chains when plundering and gaining/maintaining his reputation for being ruthless and the chains are a physical reminder of that persona and reputation. in the fever dream, ed is stripped down to his most vulnerable state (which is interesting considering his hair and beard aren't in line with the s1 symbolism of his vulnerability - almost as if his heartbreak over stede has become so all-encompassing he's no longer able to hide it behind a beard or face-shielding long hair) so the chains would disappear just as his blackbeard reputation would disappear in order for him to get to the core of who he really is, which brings us to: the pearl necklace. we could literally talk for hours about the nuances of everything the pearl necklace represents regarding ed's fears, desires, identities, hopes and dreams for the future, childhood trauma, etc. etc. etc. but ultimately it represents the parts of ed he holds the closest to his chest and THAT is why he's still wearing it in the fever dream: because it's a representation of who he truly is, stripped down, at his core. and THAT is the person who needed to go on this journey in order to start to heal, without the influence of anyone or anything else making him feel the need to perform or be anything other than his 100% authentic, vulnerable self.

-the way i reacted to seeing how beautiful ed is as he's waking up in hornigold's hut is undeniable proof that i need to be put down

-"what did you do to me...while i was out...anything weird?" edward teach my beloved of all time. we will not be taking this incredibly funny and perfectly performed line delivery and making it sad by thinking about the implications of what past behaviors ed may have experienced from other shipmates when waking up after a night of blacking out

-sorry but the way ed holds his breath so he doesn't eat the soup is so hilarious and adorable to me

-auntie recounting all the details of the mutiny right down to ed's height and silver hair based off of looking at the deck and licking some gun powder is sooooooo sherlock holmes coded but like. if he fucked y'know?

-also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the little sprinkle of what i believe was maori thrown in between auntie and fang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need more of that IMMEDIATELY

-"i'm burnin up here" SICK jobros reference frenchie

-frenchie stopping himself from saying "oh fuck" and instead going with "oh shit tits" i love this man an unhealthy amount

-"it's called you-cal-lip-eh-tusses. you-calamitous." good god i would due for olu in a heartbeat

-okay so. my thoughts on the olu/zheng/jim/archie situation. i never posted this here when the trailer dropped bc i thought i was just going crazy but when i saw the olu/jim shoulder bump i immediately knew it was giving "exes who are still friends and are being supportive of the other person when they admit they've found someone new" vibes. THAT BEING SAID - i can see this whole thing being resolved in 2 ways: either they have jim and olu talk it out and officially decide to split to pursue their respective new flames while remaining best friends/family, or - and this is where i think we all hope this is going - we get a 4-way polycule. im 50/50 on whether the studio would greenlight that given they've already pushed the envelope with having a nonbinary character and basically everyone is gay, but at the same time i would hope the studio would recognize that the show was wildly successful due in large part to those key elements and would be in favor of pushing the envelope even further (in their eyes). i think jim and archie are gonna see zheng being an absolute badass and fall in love with her and zheng is gonna see jim and archie being absolute badasses and fall in love with them while already being in love with olu specifically because he's NOT a badass and olu's gonna admit he's still in love with jim and they're all gonna live happily ever after completely dominating the seas and killing colonizing dipshits :)

-OLU WHIPPING HIS HEAD AROUND TO LOOK BACK AT JIM WHEN THEY TELL HIM THEY SAW ARCHIE'S BOOBS LMAO

-hi it's me again here to say that it is STILL SO EXTREMELY FUCKED UP AND EVIL OF DAVID JENKINS AND CO. TO BE PLAYING GNOSSIENNE NO.5 WHILE STEDE LOOKS DESPONDENTLY AT THE RUINED REMAINS OF HIS CAPTAINS QUARTERS WHERE HE AND ED CONNECTED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND FELT LIKE SOMEONE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THEM

-how the fuck did izzy on a crutch and a pegleg sneak up on stede in the captain's quarters lil homie HAS to be sounding like mr. krabs at this point

-"i think the knives really help bring the place together" he literally cannot physically bring himself to not be a bitch around izzy even when he's wallowing in his lost love i am so so so obsessed with him you have no idea

-i know we're all still reeling from the confirmation that stede has ALWAYS known ed - past the rose-colored glasses of falling in love with just the idea of someone - and how his mind works when he asks izzy point blank what they did to ed but. i cannot stop thinking about s1 ed not being able to look stede in the eye as he says "you were always gonna realize what i am" before leaving with calico jack because he was so terrified of the judgement he'd see in stede's eyes. he revealed a less-than-ideal (but comparatively pretty benign) part of himself to the person whose opinion he cares about the most and was too afraid to stick around to see if/when stede would finally reject him for not living up to the standards that ed thinks stede deserves. and yet. we now know with actual proof that stede not only never judged ed for his past and just kinda glossed over any erratic behavior/violent reactions during their time together in favor of keeping an idealized image of ed in his mind, stede understood ed on a deeper level than practically anyone else in the whole world, with the exception of izzy, ever did. stede was so intimately aware of the exact kind of person ed was and what his thoughts and behavioral patterns were that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that there were only two fates for ed if stede didn't reach him in time: he was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying.

-feeling BIG emotions over the almost-sigh that stede does when izzy tells him how ed took his leg for merely mentioning stede's name. the way he looks away and swallows down his guilt and grief and shame.

-"you sent him to doggy heaven" ohhhh my god i wanna know if stede was bracing himself for the heartbreak or the relief (or both!!) of hearing izzy say yes. as i mentioned above, stede had to have had a cloud of impending doom looming over him all these months wondering where ed is and worrying if he'll ever find him again, and that cloud must have only gotten infinitely darker when he found the crew on the revenge only to realize that ed wasn't with them. stede isn't stupid, he proved as much when he told izzy he knew ed was going to destroy everything around him or die in the process, and with ed being very noticeably absent it would only make sense for stede to jump to the worst-case-scenario of the crew having to kill ed before he killed all of them. i think he had probably been emotionally preparing himself for that outcome the second he noticed the crew being shifty about ed's whereabouts, so to get confirmation of it would obviously be genuinely heartbreaking but also an end to the sense of doom that had been hanging around him for a while.

-the way stede whips his head around to look at izzy when izzy tells him no, they didn't send ed to doggy heaven is so! heartbreaking! because you can see the instant flame of hope light up his face for a split second before he reads the profound sadness of izzy's expression as he tells stede they deserted him on a beach and left nature to do the rest. interestingly enough, stede doesn't seem at all reassured or renewed in his hope by this, and im wondering if he knows izzy is lying to him at that point to spare his feelings

-"yeah i was there. that cabin boy's name was felix. he was a really nice guy" i love that we're not only getting a crumb of lore about ed's past on hornigold's ship (that isn't frat-bro posturing with calico jack) but that the crumb we do get highlights ed's humanity. not only does he remember the name of a "lowly" cabin boy, but he remembers that the cabin boy was really nice and is angry that he died so senselessly and hornigold doesn't even seem to care

>>>>>hmmmm now im thinking about how hornigold is a representation of the parts of ed that he hates, so is hornigold's story an allegory for how ed hates how he's shut off his emotions/shown little to no remorse for the hurt and suffering he's caused during his breakup era?

-okay there are SO many mentions of soup this season already someone figure out wtf it's supposed to mean

-THE WAY MY FRIENDS AND I ACTUALLY SCREAMED WHEN ZHENG SAYS "Girl, how are you :(" TO STEDE LIKE THIS SHOW IS 100% CONFIRMED WRITTEN FOR THE GIRLS (gn) AND THE GAYS AND EVERY LINE IS PERFECT

-DAVID JENKINS. WHY. ARE YOU PLAYING. GNOSSIENNE NO.5. WHILE STEDE TELLS ZHENG. ABOUT HOW HE FEELS LIKE HE LET ED DOWN. AND THAT HE'S THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF THIS. AND HOW HE SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ED HOW HE FEELS. BUT HE WAS SCARED. AND NOW HERE WE ARE. i want you psychologically evaluated because i do believe there is a dark evil inside of you

-PLEASE stede's reaction of basically "ya got me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" to Zheng saying the guys on wanted posters are hot makes my brain fizz

-im not ashamed to say i literally get tears in my eyes from how divine ed looks when he's talking to hornigold about selling handmade shoes like what the fuck did the hair and makeup artists DO to make him even more stunning than before when they had already broken the scale in s1???????????? i feel like i should send them a thank-you care package for the gift they've given us

-"im actually just a very simple man" my sweet precious baby darling eddie boy. you are the most complex character i have ever become obsessed with in my entire life, and i was DEEP in the Castiel trenches at the height of SuperWhoLock tumblr from 2012 - 2014 as an unmedicated teenager still developing her prefrontal cortex.

-"like a jailer, but all the prisoners like you and they can go whenever they want" so what im hearing is ed likes having control over other people but also desperately wants them to like him AND choose to stay with him of their own free will and not because they have to. or it's just a funny simile for an inn like he said :)

-the jeff's inn by the sea roleplay scene makes me so insane i actually can't talk about it rn other than to say it's peak comedy and i want it permanently etched into my brain. also ed's little corsage makes me [feral shrieking]

-GODDD the way this season is so expertly slicing in clips from s1 as a quick flash of an image before coming back to the present is so extremely satisfying and also a direct punch to the solar plexis every time

-"grown man covered in tattoos, eh? with daddy issues?" no comment just screaming

-"we've been living second-to-second for a while now. it's actually kinda nice to have a deadline" this!!! this is what im talking about with the looming sense of impending doom hanging over you for so long that once you get confirmation that it's going to be over soon, even if it's because of a very permanent ending, there's a lot of relief that can be wrapped up in that

-"go on, bonnet. gimme your worst" i feel like i don't have the brain capacity rn to break that interaction down and tease out what izzy would've been expecting stede to do or say and what stede would've been thinking in that moment that was too overwhelming to actually voice but maybe someday i'll get to it

-"okay well i feel like im gonna choose...i feel like im supposed to choose...live" bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo the intentional writing of ed to say "gonna" at first and then switching it to "supposed to" is sooooooooo insane dude holy shit. i need to know what factors caused him to change his wording. what was he going to say he was gonna do. who or what is pressuring him to make him feel like he's supposed to choose to live. are those two choices - what he was gonna do vs. what he feels like he's supposed to do - at war with each other or is the conflict brewing from the different motivations behind wanting to live vs. feeling like you're supposed to live. the writing is just too good

-godddd someone needs to make a post on hornigold telling ed they're in a judgement-free zone which is basically ed reminding himself that his mind is a safe space for his thoughts and how unbelievably sad it is that ed would even need to remind himself of that in the first place. he's so used to scrutiny and judgement (and it's one of his biggest fears when it comes to the people he cares about the most) that he doesn't even think he's free from it in his own head

-im just gonna say it. ed talking about warmth and intercourse and orgasms is foreshadowing

-"i don't think anyone's waiting for me" i'll actually go lie in the middle of the road right now i swear to god

-it's so interesting how ed gets angry that his fear that no one is waiting for him fucks his pros up

-i don't understand how olu didn't immediately clock that zheng was flirting with him when he's in her office like buddy if i see a very beautiful woman with a very sharp sword and she's pointing it in my direction? that's a marriage proposal

-HOKAYYYY FOLKS WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT OUR FIRST TRUE COMPETENT!STEDE SIGHTING IN THIS EP. he not only devises an escape plan ALL BY HIMSELF, he has the knowledge and foresight to . and guess what? IT ACTUALLY. WORKED. in fact, it was a SWEEPING success where he got EVERYONE safely off the red flag ship and onto his own!!!! this wasn't just some raid won with brute force or a fuckery accomplished due to loony tunes rules, this was an honest-to-god escape plan that required learning the shifts of the guards on deck and at the entrance to the brig to ensure those spaces would be as empty as possible, knowledge of the sleepy-time effects of chamomile in concentrated forms, knowledge of the layout of the ship he's been on for, what? a few days? maybe a week?, knowledge of where they store their weapons and then figuring out how to use the crossbow as a zipline AND remembering to have someone cut the line to prevent any red flag crew from boarding the revenge, figuring out how they can use towels to use said zipline, remembering that the revenge no longer has a wheel and utilizing wee john's strength to secure them a new one while disabling the red flag ship thus greatly increasing their chances of a successful escape. i guess now we know what the hell is going on in towels (it's scheming and plotting)

-jim grabbing archie's hand has they leave the brig

-stede's little hand gesture and "sss" noise he makes to communicate to lucius and black pete they're gonna move forward now even though they're all physically so close it literally would've been quieter if he just whispered his directions to them

-the person at the wheel looking longingly up into the sky. how much do we wanna bet she was thinking about zheng

-"just breathe into it black pe-" WHY ARE THEY SHUSHING MY BOY BUTTONS HE'S RIGHT

-"oy, ya cockeyed -" STOP SILENCING HIM

-"aye look at that, see that black pete -" LET HIM SPEAK

-IZZY PUSHING BUTTONS'S HAND DOWN AS HE'S TELLING BLACK PETE TO OBSERVE ARCHIE'S SHOOTING FORM IS EVERYTHING TO ME

-wee john profusely apologizing to the person he knocked unconscious before knocking them unconscious and then again after stealing their wheel. he is so dear to me

-i genuinely love how buttons wastes NO time in assuming his first mate duties again and directing frenchie and roach to start preparing the ship for sailing. it's just a nice reminder that stede chose him as his first mate for a reason beyond his propensity to attract a motley crew of unique characters - buttons is a genuinely highly skilled, highly competent, and extremely dedicated and hard working sea farer. who may or may not actually be a sea witch that has taken on the form of a humble man

-i actually am very charmed by olu still trying to persuade zheng to spare the lives of his friends while they're making out

-ooooohhhhh the fact that olu had to choose between zheng and jim was such a delightful mini conflict to see him go through. i might wind up making a post about his thoughts and motivations in that moment later on because it's so quick but so profound

-okay 1) the raw emotions in zheng's yell when she sees olu escaping on the revenge literally gave me goosebumps. 2) the look of absolute betrayal on her face in that closing shot gave me even MORE goosebumps. 3) ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR SLIGHTLY SUPERNATURAL FIRST MATE Y'ALL THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S UP

-i can't wait to see how this betrayal plays out in terms of the red flag fleet being an enemy to the revenge, even though we know it's temporary since we've seen Zheng Yi Sao and her fleet fighting alongside ed and stede in the s2 trailer and in the promotional materials for upcoming episodes

-UHHHH STEDE'S HEARTBROKEN FACE AS THEY'RE LEAVING HELLO?????????????????????????????????

-izzy trying to genuinely thank stede is so. Character Arc.

-also archie and jim training/fake sword fighting in the background

-"clarity? you've made your choice" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-ed realizing that he really just hates himself is going to be MY villain origin story

-what the HELL was up with hornigold doing that howl. hated that

-"i'm not loveable" "and you're scared to do anything about it" i swan to john im gonna start chewing on the steel cables that hold up suspension bridges you literally cannot do this to me right now

-hey so fun fact when kate bush's song kicked in i actually desperately wished someone would've given me one of those neat chamomile towels that makes you pass out instantly because :) i am wholly unequipped :) to hear that song :) in the context of this next scene :))))

-seriously if you haven't read the lyrics to that song yet, first contact your local veterinarian's office and schedule and appointment to be put down whenever their next available time is, then look up the lyrics

-stede calling him a nut again i literally

-UGH the CONFLICT you can see on stede's face when deciding whether or not to remove the fabric covering ed's head or not. does he want to remove the fabric so he can say one final goodbye, face to face? or does he want to leave the fabric on so his last image of ed in his memory will be when he's alive and excited at the prospect of running away with stede?

-the fact that stede is literally pulling the wool from over ed's eyes and waking him back up both physically and spiritually(???)

-like ed, who was resigned to his fate and at peace with his choice to sink into the depths and never wake up again, INSTANTLY finds the motivation to live the SECOND stede interacts with him and he starts fighting as hard as he can to return to the surface, and just when he thinks he's not strong enough and he'll succumb to the darkness anyway, a light appears to pull him back from the brink. stede's voice comes through begging ed to wake up, to come back to him, don't die please don't die, he's here now. and ed's face as he's hearing stede talk to him is so full of love and amusement and admiration and then a little confusion as mermaid!stede appears but goes right back into his fully smitten expression and longing gaze and i just. don't know how we were ever expected to recover from this.

-THEY WERE ACTUALLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY TO JUST THROW THE GOD DAMN GENTLEBEARD/BLACKBONNET SEASON 1 BEST MOMENTS MONTAGE AT US LIKE THAT WITH NO WARNING DURING AN ALREADY EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY TAXING SCENE

-anyway i am both irreparably broken inside and also reborn from this episode. thank you alyssa lane and alex sherman and also i will never forgive you for this

[norcalbruja]

On liminality, and the stuff Tony Stark says

Anyway, Tony seems to give me very Classic Comic Book vibes despite physically looking like Robert Downey Jr. This one time he said something like "Look honey, we're not really 'people' anymore, but we also can't be gods. We are what people WANT TO BE, and that is a very finicky place in the spirit-world."

Sometimes Tony just confirms my suspicions that "Superheroes are modern mythology."

...And then he says shit like "Come onnnnn, just ask me for help! Pleassssse!!!! I'm fucking rich, there are a LOT of ways I can help a broke writer!"

--

It seems you need a certain level of "standing" to be a LIKELY pop-culture spirit. The more prominent a work is in society, the more likely the characters start "answering calls." Ie, Marvel and DC.

There are HUNDREDS of media works out there and it seems spirits need enough "focus" to become egregores/embodied/"full spirits." I don't see anyone (admitting to???) meeting the Fullmetal Alchemist characters, but I HAVE seen at least one person who believes that they accidentally met Magneto.

Like, they did a semi-joking "summoning" ritual for the X-Men and they did not expect to MEET SOMEONE.

If that isn't the start to a horror movie, I don't know what is.

But given my current works dealing with colonization myself, if I met Magneto IN THE VERY FAR FUTURE, WITH NO SIGNIFICANT METAL AROUND, I would absolutely tell him that he has some great points.

And maybe it's not only "how prominent" a story is in general, but the nature of the story itself? Maybe the superheroes are more likely to get embodied not only because they're popular, but because their whole genre involves "helping people," so folks are more likely to "invoke" them. Meanwhile FMA is ultimately a war-story/series and like... nobody's "calling on" Roy Mustang.

--

Speaking of the Avengers, the rest of them showed up last night in the meditation. The moment Other-Thor came, I just lost it, hugged him, and started crying. Not sure if I was happy or sad, it was probably both.

The doofus just smiled and went "Well, this is a lovely welcome!"

Cap was laughing and went, "She didn't even cry when I came here the first time!"

Thor and Loki are going to be VERY important characters in the modern side of my Marvel fanfic, so maybe that's why I reacted like I did.

Or maybe it's because Movie-Thor has a recovering-from-depression arc?

Honestly, Thor is my PERSONAL favorite Avenger and I never could figure out why. Maybe because he and Cap are just NICE?

--

This one time I was YET AGAIN trying to sleep, so Tony rolled up with some spiritual-whiskey and gave me some shots. It didn't work, so when Spirit-Me wandered back to the Water-Spirit just completely shitfaced and crying, Hera got mad when she saw us and she yelled, "TONY! WHAT. DID. YOU. DO??? SHE'S A MESS!!!"

And Tony was like "She can't sleep. I gave her some shots, but she is WIRED, man."

So she ordered him to get out so I could sober up, but Tony just snapped at her, "Hera, I am not a god and I'm sure as hell not Greek! You have no power over me!"

And yeah, she couldn't actually make him LEAVE, unless she wanted to start a fight with a very drunk and squishy bard in the room, so she just settled for chaperoning me for a while.

--

If I had to lock down the superheroes as anything "properly spiritual," they feel a lot like intermediaries/intercessors. So many of them are human-turned-something-else, and their ties to humanity are a constant theme, plus there's a thin line between "invoking a spirit ON BEHALF OF a god" and "invoking someone AS AN ACTUAL GOD."

The Tagalog pantheon supposedly said that most gods were "agents of the supreme deity Bathala," but they all ended up being treated as deities by the time the Spanish came along, so I wonder if a similar confusion between "really powerful intermediaries" and "deities" are happening with the likes of Marvel and DC.

[ollieblogs-stuff]

(No. 5)

This kid...

"This kid has insulted me so many times,” Qefia announced loudly, like saying the words would make them true, “nothing he says gets to me anymore." 

"You're ugly as hell," Tullius countered from his lounging position in the shallow pool the satyr carted behind her. 

"You take that back, you little -" Qefia whirled around furiously to face the spoiled merman. MerBOY was more accurate. 

The pathetic shit squeaked and raised his scrawny arms to cover his face. The satyr grunted, “Don’t start shit you can’t finish, my LiEgE.” Content with receiving a silent glare in response, Qefia turned once again to face the awkwardly-smiling innkeeper. 

“Ignore him. Gods know I do. It’s how I get through each day.” 

The woodland nymph gave a small, harried, smile to Qefia before returning to the computer in front of her. The satyr took a short moment to admire the speed and precision in which she hit each individual cap on the keyboard. 

Turning on her charm, Qefia cleared her throat quietly, “Look, Naicolei? Am I pronouncing that correctly?” The nymph smiled shyly as she nodded, tucking silky black strands behind her ear. 

Bingo. 

“Gods, what a gorgeous name. Surely there’s a star with that name, right? Or am I completely off?”

A shy, if confused, shake of the head in response. 

“Well there should be. Look, I’m sorry about all this. I don’t mean to put any unnecessary pressure on you. I completely understand that rocking up without a booking and demanding a room with a large bathtub is absolutely ludicrous. If it were me, I’d settle for anything, even a ‘no’ if it made your job easier.” 

Gesturing to the insipid, pompous merfolk behind her, the satyr continued, “Unfortunately, Mr Precious over here kind of needs to soak in water overnight. I promised his parents that I’d make sure this need is met as I accompany him to his next destination.” 

The clerk sighed softly. 

“There is one room available. It’s… one of our best rooms…” 

Ah. “Say no more, my dear Naicolei. It’s going to cost a pretty penny, right?” 

Another nod. 

“No expense is too high for my pampered, temporary ward here.” Turning to face Tullius, Qefia called, 

“Oi, doofus, pay up!” 

With a dramatic rolling of the royal eyes, Tullius tossed a sack of gold towards the satyr. She caught it mid-air and turned back to Naicolei. 

“Now, where were we?”

Qefia paid for the room and tipped the nymph generously. With a whispered, “I really appreciate all your help. I’d love to buy you a drink at the bar… When do you get off?... 9? It’s a date,” she pulled Tullius’ cart towards the elevators and rooms. 

##

The satyr decided she’d earned a quick nap on the luxurious, heavenly bed before her rendezvous. Unfortunately, Tullius seemed to have other ideas, 

“Qefia! I summon you!” 

For fuck’s sake. 

“I’m trying to sleep!” she roared in response. 

“Get in here, you miserable wretch!” he retaliated. 

Storming into the beautifully-tiled bathroom, Qefia cast her eyes on the merman stretched out leisurely in the bath. Tullius’ shiny and smooth tail rested lazily on the rim of the tub, and his head lay outstretched on a pillowed bath nook just out of the water. Prick. 

“You called?” The satyr injected as much venom as possible into her words. 

“I did, didn’t I?” was Tullius’ infuriating response. He opened one cerulean eye slowly, narrowing it in Qefia’s general direction. “Ugh, don’t look at me - or anyone else for that matter - like that. You look constipated. It’s unbecoming,” he drawled. 

Right. 

“Right,” Qefia gritted out between clenched teeth. “If that’s going to be all, I’m going to go back to bed, thanks. I’d rather not be insulted by a 10 year old.” 

Turning around to exit the space, Tullius’ grating voice made her clench her jaw harder, “I’m 16, you wretch!” 

Flipping her ward the bird, Qefia took another step forward. 

“Wait!” 

She stopped. Intrigued. Tullius’ frustrating, better-than-thou tone was gone. He sounded like a desperate, scared teen. 

“I’m - I’m sorry, okay? My pettiness is a knee jerk reaction,” Tullius explained softly. 

Intrigued further, Qefia turned around silently. She quirked her eyebrow at the lounging merman. 

Tullius cast his eyes to the water in the tub. He ran his fingers through the liquid distractedly. 

“I - Gods, I don’t even know how to start this conversation…”

The satyr settled into a seated position on the tiled floor when she recognised that this was going to take a while. Qefia pulled her hooves into a crossed position, then cocked her head inquiringly at Tullius. 

“How…?” The merman inhaled deeply. “The girl in the lobby. How did you…?” 

“Wait,” Qefia said slowly as a smile formed, “Are you trying to ask for flirting advice? From me?” 

“Shut up!” Tullius hid his reddened face behind his webbed hands. 

“Me?” the satyr teased further, “Ms ‘ugly as hell’? That me?” 

The merman screwed his face up and turned his head to face the opposite wall. “Forget it.” 

Realising she’d overstepped, Qefia hurried to correct herself. “Hey, no, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve teased you. What did you want to talk about?” 

“I just - “ 

“Because like, Naicolei might also be attracted to guys, but I’m kind of appealing to her woman-loving side at the moment,” the satyr stated. 

Tullius shook his head, “No! Not her. Not - I just - “ 

Finally accepting a cue for silence, Qefia kept her mouth closed as she watched Tullius struggle to find the words. 

When he did finally speak in full words again, his voice was soft - timid. “How were you so confident in flirting with her? How did you know she was… like you?”

Ah. Shit. “Um…” 

“Not to imply that ‘you’ are different or wrong!” he rushed to clarify. “Quite the opposite, actually. I think - I think we’re more alike than I gave us credit for…” 

Qefia’s mind had blanked. Talk about dramatic reveals. She was so actively aware of how carefully this needed to be handled; how Tullius needed to be validated in this moment, without overwhelming him. She’d been prepared to get laid tonight, not have her temporary ward come out to her. 

Unfortunately, this blank and panicked state of mind didn’t communicate itself to Tullius, who had imploded at the lack of response after his disclosure. 

“NEVERMIND!” came his jarring voice. “I’m just being stupid. Forget it. Got you, haha!” 

Oh fuck, Qefia now had damage control to do. 

“Tullius,” she started. 

“NEVERMIND,” he repeated, avoiding eye contact. “I’m just being a stupid kid. I’m sure it’ll pass. Don’t tell my parents, please!” His eyes were large and shiny. Desperation hid behind his irises. 

Qefia stood up, aiming to sit closer to the tub. Tullius interpreted this as her preparing to leave, for he yelled,

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Stuck in a perpetual loop, he continued until he pleaded quietly, “Please don’t tell my parents. Please.” 

“Tullius, chill out dude. I’m not going to tell your parents anything you don’t want me to - unless it’s about your immediate safety, and this doesn’t fall under that category.” 

Qefia took a seated position closer to the bathtub, placing her arms on the outer rim to pillow her face. Tullius tracked her movement with wide eyes. The sound of lightly sloshing water filled the cavernous bathroom. 

Inhaling deeply, the satyr finally found the words, “Tullius, I want to offer my support the best I can. I’m a *bit* terrified at the thought I’m going to say the wrong thing and freak you out, so can I just ask some clarifying questions?” 

Tullius still just stared at her like a stunned mullet. 

“Do I have your permission to ask some clarifying questions so I can guide our conversation in the right direction? My questions are not to judge you or to force labels onto anything. If you don’t want to tell me something, don’t tell me. I’m here to listen and help how I can.” 

Slowly, Tullius nodded. With a grounding sigh, Qefia continued, 

“What did you mean when you said that we’re more alike than you’d given us credit for? What do you think makes us alike?” 

A pause. A long pause. An agonisingly long pause. 

Finally, 

“We both like… You like other girls. I - I like…” Tullius picked at one of his scales as he whispered, “I like boys. I like other guys.” 

Outwardly, Qefia nodded and maintained her best, encouraging ‘active listening’ expression. 

Internally, everything was on fire and she was screaming her head off. This wasn’t part of her job description! She wasn’t getting paid for this! She didn’t know how to talk to youth about their identities! She was a glorified bodyguard! What if she said the wrong thing and scarred this baby gay for life! She couldn’t live with that! 

Outwardly, calm Qefia said, “Tell me more about that. If you want. As little or as much as you’re comfortable with.” 

“I - I’ve known for a while, I guess. I spent a lot of time trying to ignore it. I thought I could convince myself to just marry a princess and convince her to let us stay as friends? But I just, I don’t know…” he trailed off. 

“I think I had a similar experience,” the satyr shared. “Trying to convince myself that I could live a charade for my entire adult life.” 

Tullius finally met her eyes again. “And then what?” 

“It lead me to a dark place. Eventually, I decided that my happiness was worth more than the comfort of close-minded people around me.” 

The merman processed her words for a moment. Then, “And is it? Worth it?” 

Ensuring their gazes held, Qefia uttered her response with absolute seriousness. “Always. Except,” she added, “when your safety is threatened. Your safety and happiness is always worth it.” 

“Oh,” Tullius’ voice was saddened. 

“But,” Qefia desperately continued, “there are always safe spaces and people who accept you for you, and who will protect you until it’s safe again. I’ll happily be one of your people, if you’ll accept a miserable wretch like me.” She grinned after her teasing. 

Tullius’ smile was genuine. “I’d like that. Thank you.” 

The two shared a rare, peaceful moment of cohabitation. 

Their zen was broken by the merman’s quiet, “Uh, Qefia, what time were you meeting with what’s-her-name?” 

The satyr glanced at her wristwatch. “SHIT!”

~ O.M.A

Random Prompts 14:

"Look, I just think it's a bad idea." "You have said that about all of my ideas."

"Any questions?" *raises hand* "No, you cannot leave." *lowers hand*

"Y'know, when I agreed to do this, I somehow didn't think about how gross I would be by the end of the day." "Hence why showers exist."

"Do you even know how to flirt with other people?" "Yeah! I've watched movies and read manga about it!"

"This kid has insulted me so many times, nothing they say gets to me anymore." "You're ugly as hell." "You take that back-"

"Have you been here the entire time?" "Yes! I love watching you do your best before I save you and make you look stupid."

"So, uh... how can I befriend a demon?" "You don't." "Okay, but what if it's really annoying?"

"Hey, guys- oh my god, are they alright?" "Hm? Oh, yeah. This happens every weekend, don't worry about it."

"Are you actually this cool and mysterious, or are you fronting about it? If you're actually this cool I might be jealous."

"My favorite person in the world!" "I literally hope you die." "Aw, it's so good to see you!"

[albatmobile]

The Art of Rehabilitating Snowbirds Chapter 3

𓅪 After not hearing from Roy or Jason for five years, you suddenly find yourself taking in extra income as a babysitter for Roy and Jason's child.

𓅪 Rated: M | TW: addiction mention | 6.5k fem!Reader x Jason Todd x Roy Harper [masterlist]

Chapter Three: Work is Easy...| ao3 - wattpad

You show up two minutes after the set time even though you’ve been waiting in the parking lot for fifteen minutes. After calculating how long it'd take you to walk up, you decided on an inconspicuous four minutes before the expected time to start your trek up to their apartment.

Definitely not overthinking anything or overreacting in any way. You? No way. Not at all.

The building is as shitty as your freshman year college dorm with dulled, florescent-lit hallways, though you expect just as much, seeing as you pulled up to the slums of Gotham.

While some people are scattered about the hallways, no one seems to pay you much mind. It’s a relief because now you're free to worry in peace. Not to mention, the last thing you want to do is draw too much attention to yourself on this side of town.

Even though you’d grown up in the area, you can never be too cautious.

You know as soon as you reach the address that it’s theirs. The door is covered in gaudy shit like a flower wreath, complete with a sign that reads ‘Bless this Apartment’ with angels around it. 

You internally gag at the horrid decor and wonder if it truly is just Roy, Jason and a kid. What, do they have a minivan now, too, or something?

You check your clock to see that you’re right on time, so you send Damian a quick message to let him know you’ve arrived and take a deep breath.

Two minutes after your set time and you finally knock on the door.

You don’t have to wait long, seeing as the door opens immediately to reveal an unfamiliar yet familiar face.

God, it’s been so fucking long.

You choke down the random urge to cry and fight the other urge to hug the big-ass doofus in front of you. You have to play it cool.

“I was wondering how long you were gonna stand out there,” Roy says as he leans casually against the door frame. You can’t help but notice that his arms way more filled out than you remember. Even as a senior, Roy had muscles, but this? Even through the sleeves of his hoodie, you can see that this is a whole other level of strength.

You don’t understand what Damian meant about Roy's supposed addiction. His face still looks like a typical stoner. Aside from his overgrown stubble, you notice that his kind, gorgeous, light green eyes have changed the most drastically, though you can’t quite place why.

He seems to notice you eyeing him up because he noticeably begins rubbing at his arms. Well, arm, considering he only seems concerned with the right one by the looks of it.

It’s only then that you see the red, wretched-looking scars that reach out from underneath one of his long sleeves. You’re immediately smacked in the face with heat, feeling a blush of embarrassment fan across your cheeks. 

Damian had mentioned an addiction, but heroin?

You need to divert attention away from his arms and fast.

“I was just texting someone in case you were actually planning to kill me or some shit.” It's a complete lie, one that makes entirely no sense, but your brain is currently short-circuiting, trying to put new Roy and old Roy together. 

No matter what you do, you can't seem to make sense of the man in front of you.

“Still paranoid, princess?” Roy holds up his hands with a smirk. It’s then you notice that his right hand is black and metallic- just how exactly did you miss that? Roy swiftly shoves it behind his back and you politely continue on like you haven’t noticed.

It seems like you're going to be doing a lot of that today.

A lot has changed.

“No,” you shamefully admit, wishing your blush would fuck the fuck off. Not that Roy’s old nickname for you helped any.

"I’m still not scared of Damian, by the way, so I'm not sure what help he’d be.” Of course he’d know exactly who you'd been texting. “You wanna come in?” he says, removing his arm from the doorway to motion you inward.

Do you want to come in?

No.

You want to go home and crawl up in your bed and pretend like they hadn't even texted you in the first place.

But you're here.

You look into his eyes hesitantly before nodding. 

You're still trying to make sense of this whole thing and not be awkward at the same time, but you don’t know how when all you want to do is stare at your ex-friend until you memorize every part of his foreign body.

Wait, that sounds wrong. You start over.

You just want to run your hands through his fiery locks to make sure he still smells the same.

Okay, fuck it, you ditch your train of thought entirely before you start blushing again as you brush past him to go inside. You catch a whiff of whatever body wash he uses and are extremely disappointed in yourself when it leaves you dizzy upon contact. 

Okay, so he doesn't smell the same exactly, but it's still intoxicating, nonetheless.

“Alrighty then,” he laughs to himself as you continue to take everything in.

It’s completely domestic and you can't help but cringe when you see that the tacky decorations continue inside. 

There’s shit everywhere, including the remains of a pillow fort next to the tv in the living room. In the kitchen, you see the first real evidence of a child: crudely drawn drawings plastered over the cheap fridge.

You nearly miss the artwork, though, through the mess. You're quickly affronted by the sight of plastic plates practically falling out of the trashcan and a sink that’s seemingly disappeared under a pile of petrified dishes.

You gag silently and fight the urge to get on your hands and knees and clean everything in sight.

Roy seems to notice as he runs a sheepish hand through his stringy hair. “Yeah, not exactly the cleanest, but that hasn’t really changed now, has it?”

You nod, thinking back to all those times you had to organize his backpack so that he could find his notes. “I’m more surprised your cleaning habits rubbed off on Jason and not the other way around.”

You both smile at each other, basking in what you know. It’s a safe zone and safe is good. Especially right now when all you want to do is bolt.

You'd known Jason to be as much of a clean freak as you've always been, especially when it came to cooking.

Jason was the only one who never dared to comment on the cleanliness of your apartment the one time he and Roy came over to pick you up. It was a place not even Damian had been to. You were too embarrassed at the time when his house was a whole fucking manor in Bristol and yours was an empty, shitty apartment in The Bowery.

You remembered trying to clean it as best you could, but, just like Jason and Roy's apartment, it was a shithole to begin with, so cleaning only helped so much. Not like your parents were around enough to help out with chores, let alone much of anything else. 

"Yeah, well,” another sheepish grin from the redhead that leaves your stomach flipping, “full-time job and kid doesn't exactly leave time to clean.” He shrugs a bit. “Speaking of, let me go grab her.”

Ah, yes. The reason you're here in the first place.

While he's gone, you look around, noticing framed photos of a little girl, who you assume to be their kid, though there's not much else to go by. The place is technically decorated, yet it still feels somewhat impersonal.

Roy returns a few seconds later, hand-in-hand with a dark-haired little girl. Meanwhile, his right one remains concealed behind his giant back. “Lian, this is,” he pauses briefly after saying your name, “possibly your new babysitter?”

You crouch a bit, giving her a tiny wave, “It’s nice to meet you, Lian.”

She huddles further into Roy’s muscular side as she shies away from you.

Roy rubs at the back of his head with his prosthetic hand (arm? You couldn’t be sure with the long sleeves) while the other remains on Lian. “She takes a little while to warm up to new people,” he tries to assure you, so you nod, never having interacted with a child for this long before, anyway. You can't help but feel pained with how he refers to you. How are you new when he's the one who went M.I.A.? “Don’t get discouraged.”

You don't have to worry there, Roy, you think humorlessly. After all, you should be used to it by now with them.

“It’s all good,” you say instead of voicing your actual thoughts, giving Lian a thumbs up as you stand back up. “I’m shy sometimes, too,” you admit, causing the girl to meet your eyes for the first time.

Roy clears a seat for you on the couch next to him and Lian. You end up sitting on one side of Roy while she clings to his other side.

The close proximity is enough to leave you gasping for air.

This is too casual. Way too casual for what happened.

“So, you never answered my question from the other night,” his eyebrows wiggle up and down playfully as he speaks.

“Couldn’t hardly recognize your voice, dipshi- oot.” You barely manage to catch yourself from cursing in front of Lian, who keeps peeking out around Roy’s bicep to get a better look at you.

You give her a tiny smile, but instead of smiling back, she just seeks cover behind her dad again. You wish she'd stop because all it does is draw your attention to those sinful, rippling muscles and once you're looking, it's hard to force your attention away.

“She doesn’t bite, right?” he teases your name, inadvertently causing you to shiver. “Maybe not the right reassurance.” He throws a quick wink your way.

You roll your eyes before you can stop yourself. “One-track mind still in full effect, I see.”

Had he seen you checking him out? Oh, god, please say no.

He laughs mirthfully, “You’ve always been fun to tease. Can you blame me?”

“Excuse me,” you and Roy turn to Lian, who speaks up suddenly.

“What’s up, kid?” Roy asks, giving her a pat on her little head.

“I can braid.” She nods your way shyly.

Roy smirks at you. “Oh, yeah. She’s really into braiding right now,” he says, pointing to the little braid underneath the rest of his hair to further his statement.

Lian nods, confirming this before speaking further, “Your hair is prettier than my dad’s.”

“Okay,” you say as you hesitantly run your fingers through your hair. 

You don't really want a kid to rip it out after you’ve carefully taken the time to dry it properly after your shower earlier. You want to make a good impression ultimately wins out, though and you slip to the floor in front of Lian to offer her your hair by turning and placing it on her lap.

She gently takes your hair and runs her fingers through it a few times. “You smell nice.”

It’s the only warning you get before she’s off, wrestling at the hair she's sectioned off.

“Wow, you’ve got a strong grip there,” you say through gritted teeth as she makes a particularly hard tug.

“She’s very strong, right, Lian?” Roy throws slow, fake punches around her that she dodges with ease.

“I have super ninja strength, probably,” she says as she continues to torment your scalp.

“I can tell.  Superman would totally be jealous.” You face your head up a bit more so she can see your smirk.

She laughs as she quickly pushes your face back down. “I love Superman and Superboy.”

Kids always like Superman, you internally roll your eyes, but everyone who’s anyone knows that Batman is where it's at.

“They’re alright." You aren’t about to go on a comic book rant to a four-year-old. You hear Roy snort from next to Lian on the couch, but you don’t dare mess up whatever progress she’s made on the braid for fear of having your face pushed down again. “Do you like Batman?” You feel the girl shrug, but you gasp, turning dramatically, “What?!”

“I like Superboy a lot.” She looks at you expectantly.

You turn around to shoot Roy a dirty glance. “This is sacrilege.”

“Glad to know you’re still a nerd,” he sighs with fake exasperation.

You wave him off as your face is pushed down and forced frontward once again by an impatient Lian.

“Stay still.”

You apologize and get back into braiding position with your back pressed up against the couch

“So, are you taking classes?” Roy shifts over more so you can see him without punishment for moving from Lian. He’s counting on his fingers. “You’re 19, right? Sophomore?”

“You’ve been gone for too long.” It’s the first time either of you admits it out loud, but it’s true. The last time you saw him was when you were 15. “No, not a sophomore. Yes, 19, but I'm turning 20 in a few months,” you clarify for seemingly no reason, though you both know exactly why you've said it.

“I hardly doubt you skipped out on college.”

You can tell he's trying to piece everything together, so you help him out by further elaborating.

“You already said it,” you sigh, suddenly feeling the weight of this meeting again. “This nerd took all AP courses Junior and Senior year, so I only went to college for one year.”

Roy’s eyes widen at this piece of information. “You already graduated college?”

“Not like I had the money to stick around much longer than that,” you glance away from him with embarrassment, "you know, even with the scholarships and all."

Jason and Roy had both grown up around wealth, not that you're able to tell from their tacky apartment now, but what they had available to them back then is still nothing you’ve ever experienced.

“Pesky student loans,” he says as he tries to lighten the mood, but your stomach is already feeling sick with anxiety now that you've dug into the taboo topic.

Luckily, the conversation gets cut short before either of you can make further fools of yourselves.

The door opens suddenly and shuts quietly as Jason slips in without glancing up. 

You and Roy are both silent as Jason comes in and doesn’t seem to notice you or, more likely, doesn’t want to. 

You watch his movements out of the corner of your eyes from where you sit on the floor. If he's going to ignore you, you definitely have no trouble doing the same. This is how you and Jason end up staring in each other’s general direction with crossed arms, refusing to actually look at each other.

Roy, per usual, breaks up the tension with his shit-singing. “Ah, yes,” he teases with his signature smirk, “reunited and it feels so good.”

“Hardly,” you insist with a roll of your eyes.

It's a lie, you know that much, but not one you're willing to let them in on.

Lian tugs your head back with strength you're pretty sure no four-something-year-old should have, effectively startling you out of the moment. “The braid,” is all she says and you nod while you lean back further to try and give her a better angle.

“You still have that scar.” It’s a simple, somewhat off-handed thing to say in all the awkwardness, yet completely how you remembered Jason. It would be the first thing he mentions, seeing as he'd spent years lamenting over how you got it in the first place.

“Yeah, it’s a scar,” you state, obviously not really wanting to get into the encounter that had just recently stopped haunting your dreams. “You'd know all about that, though.” You glance up at his somewhat familiar scars scattered across his cheekbones. It’s too much for you to reminisce, so you change the subject before you can ask yourself why you even want the conversation to continue. “Guess I missed the protein shake diet memo?”

As many elephants as there are in this tiny apartment, one of the smaller ones seemed to be that both Jason and Roy had god-like, insane-looking muscles. You can only imagine what's going on under those clothes, though- NO! No, not doing this, you steel yourself.

Focus.

It’s then that you notice all the to-go containers lying around. “I’m surprised Jason doesn’t cook for you.”

The raven-haired man shrugs and gestures to Roy and Lian, who are sitting on the couch. "It's Hard to cook when you have a loving boyfriend and child.”

You scrunch up your nose and don’t realize you have before it’s too late. You blame it on it being hard to see just how much has changed. Well, supposedly, you remind yourself. You still can’t bring yourself to buy this whole lovey-dovey little story they're putting down.

“We were just talking about what she’s been up to,” Roy supplements into the awkward silence that's settled across the room.

You and Jason have always been like oil and vinegar. They may taste pretty good together, but they don’t and never will, mix.

In the past, you were always at odds and ends with each other, always on each other’s nerves, always testing each other, always pushing each other's limits. You remember now, in this moment, just how exhausting and thrilling it was. 

You're only getting a little taste of it now and you can’t deny a part of you yearns for more of him.

“College, right?” Jason settles into the couch beside Roy with careful steps as he gets closer to you. It's as if he’s scared he’ll startle you off. Or maybe he's too disgusted to be near you. You can’t quite tell after his dramatic entrance.

“I graduated last year,” you fill him in on the AP’s you took after both of them vanished into thin air. “I work freelance programming now, so that’s pretty much it.”

Now on to where the fuck you guys have been, you think to yourself. You glance up at Jason out of the corner of your eyes, watching as he reaches over to ruffle Lian’s hair with familiar ease.

You know the fucker can see you staring, but you don’t care. It almost becomes a challenge to see if he'll meet you head-on.

He does.

Predictable, you think with a barely concealed smirk as you meet his bright green eyes for the first time in years. The smirk quickly falters, though and it becomes difficult to swallow as you feel your anxiety jam itself heavily into your throat at the shared eye contact.

Aside from the sounds coming from Lian’s frustration with your hair, it's completely silent as you take each other in.

“I know we both owe you some kind of explanation.”

It's weird seeing how Roy now seems to be the voice of reason throughout this whole ordeal when it always used to be Jason or you.

Things really have changed.

It's just like you've silently feared, making it harder to distance yourself from them. Even though you aren’t sure if distancing yourself is even what you want, you can't deny that you'd come running as soon as they came knocking.

“You think?” you butt in. “My friends just disappear for years and now you’re some ripped gay fucks who need me to look after your child?” You can't help but get up to pace around, unable to hold in your doubts any longer. “Look, I don’t even believe this shit. You,” you say, abruptly turning to Roy, “were banging multiple chicks a night for the entire year I knew you and you,” you don’t even bother pointing or looking at Jason directly and instead focus on the ceiling, “were so busy being an angst king to even want to fuck anyone.”

“That’s not even true,” Jason huffs, crossing his arms. “I’m not an angst king.” His mouth downturns a bit, only further proving his angstiness.

Instead of being offended, Roy just smirks. “What, you want to see us make out that bad or something? Some kinky shit there,” he says your last name. “I’m surprised," he says, though doesn't actually sound surprised, "you used to be such a goody-two-shoes.”

You think back to all the nights you snuck off to smoke pot with them in the manor, skipped class, or even to the shit you didn’t necessarily remember, like your first high school party.

“That’s not exactly how I remember it, but okay.”

You cross your arms again when you feel Jason’s stare on you, not that you'd actually know since you haven’t looked in his direction since the unofficial staring contest ended.

Roy shrugs and wastes no time in covering Jason's body with his own. Jason scoffs but pulls him in for an exaggerated, wet kiss nonetheless.

You're so busy staring at your two ex-friends going at each other’s mouths that you don’t notice Lian sidle up next to you on the floor. She pulls on your leggings, forcing your eyes away from something that you admittedly don’t want to as their sloppy sounds become louder with each passing moment.

You're confused enough as it is, but now you're left blushing like a virgin over them making out.

You forget, once again, that Lian is next to you until her quiet whisper reaches your ears, “Family.”

It’s almost too rehearsed. Your eyebrows shoot up inadvertently at the little girl.

Standing there with your half-braided hair, you've seen enough.

“Okay, enough, fuck- shoot.” You quickly look at Lian and then at her apparent dads. “You see this?” You motion around exasperatedly at the gaudy fucking decorations, to the horndogs on the couch, then finally to the little girl beside you. “This isn’t going to work.”

They look dejected as they wipe away the trail of saliva stringing from their mouths. It may be harsh, but they need to know the truth.

You haven’t talked to them in years, you're shit with kids and this is an uncomfortable position to be put in when you can’t deny your old feelings for them are very much coming back. Aggressively. It had already caused enough strain on your relationship the one year you'd hung out with them, but now? As adults? This shit is even messier. Throw a kid into the mix and you've got yourself a certified fucking shit show.

Nope, no thanks.

“You’re a freelance programmer,” Jason says your name, causing your heart to jump uncomfortably. “Think of it as working two jobs in one.”

Always one to get back to business.

“Just a business deal?” The hell is your life coming to? How does this make the situation any different? You think of the cash and how you struggle to pay rent, let alone all of your other bills. “After all these years of me complaining about how annoying these cretins are, why would you even choose me to babysit in the first place?”

The unanswered question of why you haven’t talked for over five years hangs heavy in the room.

The unanswered question ends up getting answered by Jason, no less, in ever the unhelpful manner. He looks dead at you and taunts you, “Pick me, choose me.”

You can't help but gasp.

Seriously? The fucking audacity. And how is this not further proving his angst-king nature?

You flip him off and face Roy after, once again, crossing your arms.

Roy has the decency to look somewhat abashed for his supposed boyfriend.

“What?” He runs a hand through his long, greasy hair, though all you can focus on is how his forearms flex and bulge in the process. “We’ve known you forever.” He looks up as if thinking of the points on the spot. “You’ll cook her actual food,” he points out with raised eyebrows, seemingly impressed that he managed to weave your earlier point into his argument.

“And you know self-defense,” Jason adds helpfully for once.

Roy snaps his fingers. “Right, that. Plus, we miss you.” Roy looks over to Jason, who ducks his head in response. “Both of us.”

“And you’re a people pleaser too, so,” Jason ends his sentence as if it’s obvious you’ll say yes, which annoys the shit out of you because you don't want to say yes.

He's changed physically, yet, underneath it all, he's still the same annoying, presumptuous asshole you've always known.

Great.

Then there's Roy, staring you down after all these years whilst giving you with his iconic green puppy dog eyes. All the while, Lian tugs your head back in an attempt to finish her braid.

Meanwhile, Jason's still brooding as ever, refusing to give you any sort of clue as to what he's actually thinking.

Just like old times.

Well, you think back to Lian, almost.

You sigh and then look at both of them. What the fuck are you doing?

“Weekly pay, you stingy whores.” You stare down at your unpainted nails while the two of them glance at each other. “When do you need me to start?”

•••

Turns out they need someone the next day and you return just in time to see Jason heading out.

“Roy said you were coming.” Jason nods in your direction from where he stands in the kitchen. It appears he's still refusing to make eye contact with you.  

Whatever.

“Yup,” you answer the obvious as you plop your shit down onto the cluttered kitchen counter.

“She hasn’t eaten yet. She’ll probably want Chinese food or pizza, so,” Jason says before awkwardly sliding $40 across the counter.

“I can just cook.” 

He looks at you now like he's also being flooded with memories of the times you’d cooked together. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to look at you. Maybe it’s just as painful for them to see you again as it is for you to see them.

He clears his throat as he looks away to the fridge. “It's probably not what you're used to me having.” Jason, well, the manor, always had every single ingredient anyone could ever need to cook any type of meal and then some.

You walk to his side of the counter to open it up, only to be met by packs of beer, packets of ketchup and a few cracked eggs.

“Do you have flour and butter?”

In response, he opens a cabinet to reveal a shit ton of spices. At least you won’t have to worry on that front.

“We have Wonderbread and olive oil,” he lists off as he searches around a bit more. From the top cupboard, you’re able to see syrup.

“I can make something with that.” You point to the top shelf he was rifling through.

He nods and brings down the pancake syrup for you to use. He obviously remembers that you wouldn’t be able to reach on your own without having to climb on the counters like you used to do during your cooking sessions at the manor.

You reminisce fondly, remembering how your days in the kitchen with Jason always made Damian upset. It was supposedly because 'you wouldn’t paint with him,' but you know it's just because he couldn't (and still can't, for that matter) cook for shit. Plus, you're a woman of many talents and sometimes a bitch just wants a fresh scone, okay?

You'd never admit it out loud, but Jason’s recipe always turned out better than your own and you've been craving them since the last time you saw him.

“I’m still leaving the money in case you want to order groceries or something." You can't help but feel the awkwardness lingering between the two of you. He taps at the counter a bit before grabbing his keys. “Lian’s watching a movie in our room right now.” Somehow, you keep forgetting they're dating. Part of you wants to doubt it still but after the kiss, you're pretty sure it's all real. “I’ve gotta head out, though. Roy’s waiting.”

You smile a bit, but it feels fake even to you. “Have a good shift, I guess?”

“Sure,” Jason huffs somewhat amusedly as he unlocks the front door. “Our numbers are on the fridge if you need anything, but you might want to call the other fuckers on there if we’re not responding.”

Other fuckers? 

You give a thumbs up as he locks the door behind himself. You go to the fridge to see Dick, Tim and Barbara’s numbers splayed across a page that Lian clearly wrote in crayon. Well, you remind yourself, it could also easily be Roy’s shitty ass handwriting. You think back to all the assignments you’d helped him with and how his handwriting basically made it impossible for you to use any of the notes- if he’d even bothered to take any anyway.

You look around at the mess, really wanting to clean it up, but decide to say greet Lian first.

“Hey,” you say as you awkwardly stand in the doorway, not wanting to intrude on her parents’ private space. “What’s up?” She gives you a shy look, so you try again. “What movie are you watching?” She hesitantly maneuvers the screen so you can see a Spider-Man cartoon playing. “You know, I once thought I saw Spider-Man,” you start, nodding seriously when she shoots you a skeptical gaze. “Yup, he was swinging around right in this neighborhood!”

She sits up straighter as she listens to you. “Nuh-uh,” she shook her head and set the iPad down, “he’s from New York.”

You smile, impressed she knows that piece of information. Jason's going to be so pissed you're making his daughter into exactly what he called you- a certified nerd. 

“Lian,” you say seriously. “I saw string and someone swinging on it, so you tell me.”

Her mouth gapes open. “No way.”

You nod, pointing to her screen where the webbed hero is swinging from building to building. “Just like that.”

“Wow.” Her voice sounds monotonous, but her face looks up at you like you've just told her she can eat candy for every meal forever.

You switch the topic. “Are you hungry?” She gives you so-so hands. “Want to come shopping with me?” She nods a bit, so you motion for her to follow you into the main room, where the kitchen and living room are. “Where are your shoes?” Without a word, she disappears and returns with light-up Superman sneakers. Of course.

“Do you need help?” You gesture to her shoes, but she shakes her head 'no' and plops down to put them on. While she fusses with the Velcro, you pick up a majority of the trash in the kitchen before grabbing the one from the full trash can to throw away when you leave.

Lian hops up from behind you and grabs a tiny purse from one of the bar stools tucked into the very same island that you and Jason had used to avoid each other earlier. “Ready.”

You grab the money off the counter and take off.

You used to go to the grocery store that’s a block away from their apartment all the time, so you forego the car and walk hand-in-hand with Lian down the street.

You grab a couple of essentials before heading out of the shop with three bags worth of groceries and less than a dollar in change. This might not have been the best idea, though, as you now realize that both your arms are completely filled and completely useless to defend you or Lian with. The sun is still out, you note gratefully, albeit just barely, though.

You hesitate to leave the safety of the store, then remember the intense self-defense training the Wayne's had put you through after that one incident… You can't help but shudder at the memory.

“Stay close to me,” you tell Lian, who tries to reach for one of your hands, but it’s too much to hold both bags and her hand at the same time. “I can’t hold your hand, but you can hold my leggings.” You stick your leg outward towards her and she picks up the cue to grab at the material of your pants like she'd done earlier.

You get back safe, but you definitely now understand why Jason had said grocery delivery. It isn’t safe for you to be walking alone around this neighborhood, especially with their kid, you admonish yourself. The only real thing stopping you from doing so is how expensive grocery delivery is.

For now, though, you have dinner at least.

You finish putting away the groceries while Lian sits on the couch, humming along to the Spider-Man theme song.

“You want tacos, chicken parm, or French toast?” you tack on the last option after you remember Jason pulling down the syrup for you.

“Chicken.”

“That’s Italian,” you clarify, just to be sure. You know kids can be picky fucks and don’t want to have to cook twice. Also, because you definitely want to appease this sweet little girl. “Is that okay?”

“Mhm,” she says, wiggling her feet that are sticking off the couch.

Cute.

You realize quickly enough that all the utensils you need are somewhere within the piles, yes, plural, of dishes in and around the sink, so you start washing.

After the first round of dishes had been cleared into the dishwasher, you hand wash and towel dry the rest as you needed most of it to cook with.

You sigh. It's already been half an hour and you haven’t even started. “You still okay?” you call out.

“Yeah?” She looks at you like you told a weird joke. 

Your parents had never been around to do anything close to this, so this whole caregiver role is completely foreign territory for you.

You nod, figuring you can at least wipe down the newly cleared counters and sink before starting to cook. “Would you want to help me?” You feel her rather than hear her, reminding you of Damian’s ninja-ass, when she comes to stand beside you. “We’re going to start the pasta water and then bread the chicken, okay?”

She nods like she’s done it so many times before, even though she seems to have no prior cooking experience.

You fall into companionable silence as Spider-Man drones on from the iPad behind the two of you. Occasionally you have to help her, but for the most part, she does a really good job on her own. You stick the chicken you fried into a pan and dump vodka sauce across them, adding fresh mozzarella on top before sticking it in the oven.

You hold up Lian so she can dump the pasta into the boiling water and salt it, then set her back down so she can return to the couch.

“I’m hungry,” she complains, rubbing petulantly at her stomach as she sits down.

Yours grumbles back in response as you clean up the kitchen again. This time, from your mess. “Should be done here soon,” you reassure her.

When it’s finally ready moments later, Lian digs in wholeheartedly. “Are you a chef? Do you have a restaurant?”

You laugh and begin eating, too, “No, just love to cook.”

“I want to cook just like you,” she stares at you with pure determination and a mouth full of pasta.

You wink at her, wiping her messy, sauce-ridden mouth with a Halloween napkin you’d found in one of the kitchen drawers. “I’ll teach you, then.” You twirl a bite into your fork. “Your dad can cook, too.” She wrinkles her nose quickly. “Not Roy,” you laugh, but she just looks at you with confusion. “Your other dad?”

She just shakes her head in confusion.

Okay…

Doubt sets in again that Roy and Jason aren't actually together. 

Sure, they may have made out with each other, but you're pretty sure you'd remembered seeing them do that before, though you couldn't be quite sure with how wasted you'd been.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur of princess dresses and Lian forcing her Ariel makeup palette onto your face. You don’t even want to know what your face looks like after her purple eyeshadow and bright red lipstick assault, but it’s probably for the best.

It’s during your princess tea party, technically apple juice party, that she begins to nod off. You claim you’re also tired, which is enough for her to slip down from her seat.

Works for you, you shrug as you help her prepare for bed by washing off her makeup and helping her brush her teeth. You tuck her into bed a few minutes later, but her tiny arm shoots out from under her Superman sheets, effectively stopping you from leaving her tiny room.

“My daddy reads to me.”

Dad. Singular.

You squint your eyes a bit at the information but file it away for later.

You pick up the closest book you can find while she wiggles to get comfortable under Superman's laser beams on her blanket and sit on the floor beside her bed to read the first page of Goodnight Moon. You continue reading to her until, eventually, her breathing evens out and soft snores begin to fill the room.

You quietly get up from the floor, trying not to disturb Lian as you put away the book and turn out the lights. 

Once the door is clicked shut behind you, you grab your bag from the kitchen counter that has your laptop in it and make off toward the living room to finish your most recent gig. If there's ever a time to get shit done, it's now.

You try to clear off a spot on the couch, but the whole room is a complete disaster after your play session with Lian. You remind yourself that it wasn’t exactly the cleanest to begin with, though, as you sigh and get up to straighten up the mess.

Once done, you sit back down to work only to immediately have to use the bathroom. Which is, you remind yourself sadly as you walk back in, just as messy as the living room and kitchen had been. You sigh even bigger this time as you set to work, scrubbing at the built-up grime. This whole fucking apartment is going to be clean by the time you're gone, so help you god. You'll finish cleaning even if- you yawn, disrupting your thoughts- it kills you... You yawn again, this time deep enough to bring tears to both of your aching eyes.

You don’t even notice your eyes becoming heavier and heavier with each movement until you find your head pressed gently against someone’s delicious-smelling towel.

Just a little break before work and then you'll be good to go. You nod at your logic, curling back into what your sleep-hazed mind convinces you is a blanket.

“God DAMN!” You wake with a start at the deep voice reverberating throughout the apartment, followed by a quick ‘shush.’

You feel drool on the towel you were apparently spooning and cringe. 

You’re still in the process of coming to when you catch a bright glint of red limping around the living room and hear more grunts of pain. You’re more awake now and about to get up when you hear Roy’s familiar voice telling whoever’s groaning to shut up. 

You smile sleepily at his voice as you close your eyes again. You snuggle back up into the woodsy-smelling towel and fall into a dreamless sleep until you hear Roy’s voice again. This time, though, it sounds as if he's right next to you.

He stinks.

You wrinkle your nose at his offending scent, leaving him laugh lightly. “Go back to sleep, princess,” you smack him lightly on account of the old nickname as he picks you up, but soon you’re snoring again.

You wake up a few hours later on the completely cleared-off couch (thanks to you, you might add) with a blanket laid on top of you and a nearly missed deadline. You look around the room with bleary eyes to find Roy and Jason eating leftovers in the kitchen.

As if knowing you’re awake, Roy cheers his fork in your direction. “Still as good a chef as ever.”

You yawn and rub the sleep from your eyes, realizing too late the makeup escapade Lian had done on your face earlier still remains. 

“The fuck do you guys do for work again?” you manage with a groggy voice while opening your computer to finish your assignment for the week. Said week ending in T-minus 24 hours.

You begrudgingly realize that you’re going to have to pull an all-nighter, sending your mind reeling back to the days of Tim, studying and the inordinate amount of coffee that man could drink. 

“Freelance,” Jason tones monotonously.

You don’t even realize you stay there the whole day until Jason and Roy are already headed out the door again and Lian is up and begging for breakfast.

This really better not become a habit. 

A/N: I hope ur enjoying! i respond to every comment <33 this fic has been a labor of love fr

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[dmwrites]

“No, no, no, no, no, oh my gosh you’ve got to be kidding me.” Each no was punctuated by a chest or shulker opening, and then the annoyed sigh of a man who knew he probably had some dark oak wood somewhere if he’d just clean up his chest and shulker monster.

“Uh oh, someone sounds grumpy.” A voice came from the stairs, and Impulse turned to find Gem and Pearl peering down at him from the second story.

“Hi guys. No, not grumpy. Just can’t find what I need.” Impulse smiled at the two girls.

“You know, I know a great automatic sorting system tutorial I could send you.” Pearl deadpanned, and but then broke into giggles when Impulse threw a stack of stone at her, which missed completely.

“What do you need, Impulse? I’m sure you can take whatever you need from Pearl.” Gem asked. Pearl threw the stack of stone at Gem jokingly.

“Dark oak, funnily enough.” Impulse sighed.

“Let me check.” Pearl said.

“Not if I check first!” Gem, always competitive, challenged.

Neither of them, however, had any in their chests.

“Shopping time!” Gem told him. “You’re rich- just go buy some.”

“I’m almost certain Ren said that GigaLogs is out of dark oak as of like a few hours ago.” Impulse groaned in annoyance, checking his communicator to confirm his statement.

“There’s always The Entity.” Pearl piped up from where she has just picked up Impulse’s redstone box and hid it in her hoodie pocket.

“Oh my gosh, you’re right!” Impulse put a hand to his head. “How come I always forget about The Entity?”

“Omg same!” Gem said. “I always forget about that thing. Maybe I want to forget. That thing is kind of creepy, not gonna lie. Too many legs. Not cottagecore at all.” Gem shivered.

“Well, I guess I’ll go visit it. I’ll get enough for all of us if I can.” Impulse grabbed an enderchest, waved to the girls, and went into the nether portal.

One quick nether trip later and Impulse was flying over the developing lands of the shopping district. He stopped by his shop and checked the products, making a mental note to restock the shroomlights soon. He flew over Bdubs and Scar’s shops, making out a second of conversation between the two, who were standing on the road.

“I’m just saying that you named it elven kiss for a reason!”

“My lips are too luscious for any person to kiss. I named them after hersheys kisses, doofus!”

“What the fuck is a hersheys???”

Impulse chuckled. “Now, what am I looking for?” He hummed. “Oh right! Dark oak!” He touched down at Gigalogs. “Wait… they’re out. Ugh.” He turned away, and caught sight of The Entity. “Oh right! The Entity! I swear, I’d loose my nose if it wasn’t on my face.” He took off for The Entity.

It was so nice out, and Impulse smiled as the wind ruffled his hair. He did a loop-de-loop, then blinked. He was over the ocean now.

“Now why did I come over here?” He landed on a tiny island and scratched his head. “Oh! The Entity! My goodness, I’m just all over the place today.” He looked right at the thing and flew again, right towards it. He stared at it as it got closer, determined not to forget. There was a loud buzzing noise in his ears as he got closer. He blinked in discomfort.

“Wait, what?” When he opened his eyes, he was in the upstairs of his starter house. “What am I doing here? I’m supposed to be getting dark oak logs!” Impulse wouldn’t call himself the most observant dwarf, but something was definitely off here. He went over the facts as he flew over to the shopping district. He needed to go to the shopping district. He needed dark oak. Gigalogs was out of dark oak. But there was another place that sold dark oak. What was it again?

“The Entity!” Impulse said the name and it filled him with a sudden dread. He’d said that name before. Like, recently. He was sure of it. The words felt familiar in his mouth. So why, then, couldn’t he remember?

He stood on top of his shop and looked at The Entity. It was right there, shifting slightly as it lay down. Impulse pointed at it, as if to confirm it was there. He took off again, headed right for it. There was a ringing in his ears that was getting louder as he got closer. That too, felt familiar. He landed, teeth gritted tight, ears ringing so loud that he couldn’t hear his own footsteps in the dirt. The Entity in all of it’s rock and moss glory (and blood? did rocks usually have gore?) looked down at him. Impulse looked up at it, but it’s form was blurry, like a camera lens struggling to focus.

“Dark oak!” He murmured to himself, half in a state of panic. He stumbled to a chest hanging off of The Entity. His fumbling fingers cracked the chest open and he blindly grabbed some stacks and threw some diamonds in. His vision was going white and the ringing in his ears was making his brain boil. Something thin and hard grabbed his hand.

----

“Impulse?”

Impulse gasped and opened his eyes. Gem and Pearl were looking down at him in mild concern.

“Did you hear what we said?” Pearl asked.

“Uh, no?” Impulse replied, looking around. He was back in his dwarven keep.

“Did you get the dark oak?” Gem asked.

“Oh! No, I didn’t. I’m so sorry.” Impulse suddenly remembered what he had been trying to do. “It slipped my mind somehow.”

“What do you mean? You clearly went to The Entity.” Pearl said.

“What?” Impulse whipped his head to look at her.

“The note.” Pearl pointed to his hand, where there was a paper clenched in it. “I’d recognize that paper anywhere.”

Impulse uncurled his hand and smoothed out the paper in it. It was a red and grey stained paper, with white block letters that spelled out “Thank you for shopping at The Entity!”

“Oh?” Impulse looked in his inventory and pulled out nine stacks of dark oak logs. “Oh! I did… okay then.” He divided the wood best he could and threw some to each girl. “That’s so weird… I don’t remember going there. How come I always forget about The Entity?” He looked at the paper in his hand and put it back in his pocket. Maybe it was best that he kept forgetting about it.

[goldenhydreigon47]

Alright so its time to hyperfixate even more on Omori by giving my rankings for a few characters, specifically the main cast in both Faraway and Headspace, and a few of the side characters, so without further ado...

*(INHALES)*

Sunny: Emo and very adorable. Lots of headcanons for him after the PGE ranging from keeping him his usual shy self to making him very sociable and talkative. 80/10

Omori: Garbage Boy Stink Man but we still love this little gremlin. 9/10

Kel: Buries all of his trauma deep down, all to help his friends. False smiles at any sadness. Honestly written really well. 150/10

Headspace Kel: Kel but annoying and no sadness. 20/10

Aubrey: BEST. GIRL. Has the best writing, the best music, the best headcanons, the best sprites, and BY FAR the best character arc. Is also extremely relatable. 200/10

Headspace Aubrey: Aubrey but much more upbeat and also clingy. Veeeeeeeery clingy (Touch Starved Aubrey my beloved). 25/10

Hero: Best brother figure in gaming and I will not take Mario as a rebuttal. Plus, he's literally the perfect man (other than my boyfriend, but I digress). 100/10

Headspace Hero: Kinda boring ngl. Still the most useful for battles though. 20/10

Basil: Adorable. Must protecc at all costs. Also, when he's written well, he has some of the best moments in the game. 175/10

Headspace Basil: Basil but even more adorable. 23/10

Mari: Sunny but with Hero's caring and Kel's goofieness. Just a shame she doesn't have a larger role imo (granted I know why but still), but that's what the fics are for :). 50/10

Kim: Feral lesbian gremlin. We stan. 120/10

Berley: Feral lesbian gremlin: Dinosaur fursona edition. 20/10

Angel: Kel but more hyper. 100/10

Nem: Puzl. 3/10

The Maverick: Weeb and also a complete doofus. 150/10

Mikal: No wonder he uses The Maverick persona. Mikal is so... so boring. 1/10

Vance: The other good big brother archetype in this game: 60/10

Van: He looks like a Snorlax. 5/10

Charlene: Basil but tall, female, and shyer. Still like her a lot as a character though. 50/10

Sharleen: Pretty much the same as her Faraway version. 5/10

Mincy: THE

THE SCRUNKLY ARTIST. 80/10

Cris: Honestly? She doesn't say much but doesn't have to. Again, that's what the fics are for. 70/10

Daphne: Mari but even more of a chaotic goofball. 70/10

Doughie: Same as her Faraway variant. 20/10

Bowen: Hero but with more silliness and similar to Sunny's design. 65/10

Biscuit: Same as Faraway Variant. 15/10

Captain Spaceboy: Transmasc Icon. We stan. 65/10

Sweetheart: I want to punch hed but also she's hilarious. 75/10

Pluto: WHEN I FLEX, I FEEL MY BEST!

💪💪💪💪/10

Jawsum: Giovanni but nicer and a shark. 60/10

Slime Girls: Splatoon 3 looks great/j. 17/10

Humphrey: Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face! -7/10

Stranger: Basil but emo. 10/10

SOMETHING: 👁. ????/10

Sunny's Parents and Basil's Parents: Y'know if you could come back and support your kid after the incident, that'd be greaaaaaaat. -50/10

Aubrey's Mother: Fuck you. Hope you die a slow death via alcohol poisoning in a jail cell. You deserve nothing but pain after how you treated Aubrey. -999,999,999,999/10

Kel and Hero's Parents: Your one benefit is that your better than the other parents of the main cast. 0/10

Polly: She's doing her best and needs more appreciation. 40/10

Angel's Sister: If you took Candace from Phineas and Ferb's obnoxiousness and combined it with the wrath and punishments of Vickie from The Fairly Odd Parents, you'd get Angel's sister. 1/10

Mewo: Adorable. 10/10

Hector: DOGGO. 20/10

Bun-Bun: WHY ARE ALL OF THE BUNNIES SO ADORABLE?! 30/10

Sprout Mole: They go •○•. 15/10

Sally: Adorable. 10/10

[pregnant-piggy]

The Crow’s Nest

The Crows x reader

words: 12.1k

warnings: underage drinking, fire, character death, guns

A/N: am I slowly indoctrinating you with my pirate obsession? perhaps... ;) this is based on a dream I had while reading the first book and it wouldn’t leave me until I had written it. Let me know what you think of it! <3

translations (part real languages, part fictional):

Teufel -- devil

Fortell meg -- tell me

Jer elsker pe -- I love you

Faen -- fuck, damn

Goede morgen -- good morning

The grey waves hit against the hull of The Teufel, rocking the ship back and forth in the restless water. The howling wind creeped around every corner, finding even the warmest spots to cool the air and sparing no one from its breeze. The old sails fluttered in the force of the wind and loud slaps could be heard whenever the canvas hit against the mast. Little raindrops were falling from the sky, creating a layer of damp on everything in the open. 

Thunder sounded far away in the sky, back in the open sea, but The Teufel was going the other way. Kerch was approaching steadily and if the winds didn’t turn suddenly, the ship would reach land before the sun had fully set. 

The coastline of Ketterdam, the city The Teufel would arrive at, was peculiar with its high buildings and built-up streets. The lights of the city lit up the sky like an orange halo in the darkening heavens. 

You leaned with two arms on the railing of the ship, watching the city approach over the water. Behind you the strongest members of the crew were working on the sails, steering the schooner into the right direction. You listened to the shouts and orders with half an ear, imagining what the city of Ketterdam would be like and where you would go after the ship had moored. Unlike many of the older ones in the crew you had never been to Kerch before. In the last two years The Teufel hadn’t gotten close to the island, finding enough profit near the coasts of Novyi Zem. Three weeks ago, however, the captain had ordered to turn the sails and head South, much to your delight. 

Your entire life you had heard stories about Kerch. When you were very little, you had asked your grandmother over and over again to tell you about her trips to Ketterdam. Though you had been too young to understand most of what her stories meant, you had adored how your grandma was able to take you to a different world with her words only. It was a gift that you most admired and one that she had passed on to you. 

Your parents passed away in a futile attempt to protect the town against the brutality of the land’s council. You had been just seven years old and the surviving neighbours hadn’t known what to do with you, so you had been sent to a boarding school in the countryside. Far away from the danger of the city they’d said, but you had known it was just to get rid of you. You had grown up in a strict environment, in a house full of stern teachers and meek children. But even there you hadn’t forgotten about your grandmother’s stories. Although the students thought you were odd, they would all gather around you in the sleeping hall after midnight when the teachers were to bed and you would tell them a story the same way your grandma had told them to you. 

The older you had gotten the more trouble you’d seemed to cause. Obeying the rules had soon proven not to be something for you, at least not when you thought the rules were useless. With every year you’d grown older, you had found more ways to plant mischief. The punishments had gotten harder every time but you had refused to bend to their rules. Eventually they had been the one to give up and they had kicked you out of the school. At the age of fourteen you had been a homeless orphan only good for trouble. 

For weeks you had travelled on your own and you had ended up at the harbour, where you had stumbled upon The Teufel. At first the captain had refused to take you on; he had no use for a child. It had been your talent to speak Kerch, Ravkan and a little bit of Fjerdan that had gotten you on board the ship that would become your new home. 

For the past two years you had travelled along with the crew, learning to live on the ocean. Not a moment you had regretted your decision. The crew had accepted you as part of their family. The captain, Nerseh, had taken you on as his own daughter, learning you the tricks of maintaining a crew. Mayranoush, the quartermaster, was a strict woman who had at first scared you because she had seemed to be so much like your teachers at the boarding school. After a while you had gotten used to her, however, and it was from her that you had learnt how to shoot and how to read people’s faces like an open book. From the sailing master you learned how to read maps and the gunners had tried to teach you how to aim, but you had never mastered that skill. Stefan had taught you how to fight with a sword, Marina taught you the ropes and Hai learned you basic first aid and other cures that were necessary in combat. 

In two years you had learned enough to make yourself useful on the ship and you had grown from just their translator to a valuable member of the crew. The Teufel was your home and you could not think of a better place for you. 

“Are you excited?” Stefan stood next to you and followed your gaze to the skyline of Ketterdam. 

You tore your eyes from the city and looked at the big blond man with his bright blue eyes. When you first stepped on the ship he was the first one of the crew to approach you and you had been surprised by the Fjerdan’s conviviality. Your teachers had always taught you that the people from Fjerda were cold and distant. But ten minutes spent in Stefan’s company proved all of that wrong. He had guided you in your first weeks and now he was your best friend, and your first friend. 

“I am,” you nodded. “I’ve been dreaming about this place since I was a toddler. I can’t wait to see what it's like.” 

Stefan smiled at you and leaned down on the railing next to you, his arm against yours. A warm feeling washed over you and sparkles shot through your upper body. The wind had died down to a light breeze and your hair wavered behind your neck as the wind blew directly into your face. A scent of smoke, burned sugar and oil filled your nose and you closed your eyes, taking in the smell and registering the different scents. This was the essence that your grandmother had talked about and now you were experiencing it yourself. 

When you opened your eyes you noticed that Stefan was watching you intently. You smiled and raised one arm from the railing so you could turn to him. He wanted to say something to you, you could see it in his face. “What is it?” 

“Nothing,” he stammered, his pale cheeks blossoming red immediately. 

“Fortell meg, Fjerdan,” you ordered Stefan to tell you and, though you didn’t think it was possible, his cheeks got even redder. 

The big, blushing man looked away from you and cleared his throat. His gaze was pointed at his feet and then he turned it to the horizon. The wind was playing with the blond curls of his hair, that looked golden in the light of the setting sun. He cleared his throat again and then he mumbled something. 

“I can’t hear you, doofus,” you laughed and nudged your shoulder against Stefan’s arm. “A little louder, please.” 

Stefan sighed and turned his head to look at you. He took a deep breath and placed his hand on your upper arm. The feeling of his warm hand on your bare arm made your heart flutter. Your lips parted and you sucked in a little breath. 

“Jer elsker pe,” Stefan whispered. I love you. 

Your heart stopped. The pulse in your chest disappeared for a moment and when your heart beat again, it did twice as hard. Stefan was no Heartrender but you were sure he could hear your heartbeat too. 

“Stefan, I—” you started, taking Stefan’s other hand in yours. 

However before you could go on, Captain Nerseh appeared from his hut and started shouting over the main deck. “Stefan! I need you up front!” Nerseh said and he walked to the forecastle deck, ordering the rest of the crew on his way. Stefan was still standing in front of you, your hands holding his but his face turned to the captain. This one turned around. “Now, please!” 

The Fjerdan let go of you and hurried away, leaving you on your own. You held onto the railing for support as you felt your weight shift to your legs. All the excitement you had felt just mere minutes ago had now completely vanished and you looked around panicky. Not even a lifetime on sea could have prepared you for that. 

-=-=-

The Jolly Roger was changed for a neutral flag with the colours of Novyi Zem and The Teufel navigated into the Fifth Harbour of Ketterdam. Once the anchor had been lowered and the ship lay still, a small party was sent out to get stock while the others were free to go wherever they wanted. 

Stefan was sent with the quartermaster, Mayranoush, and Hai for food and ammunition and he was off the schooner before you could follow him. You watched him leave the Harbour, standing on the main deck. His blonde hair shone in the last rays of sunshine and he was visible for a long time, until his figure disappeared in the bigger crowd. Gone before you could talk to him. 

“I want y'all back at twelve bells,” Captain Nerseh said and he waved the rest of the crew off. 

Hesitantly you walked off The Teufel onto the docks. The first few steps were wobbly and uneven, as it had been a few weeks since you had last walked on land, but after shaking your feet and legs, you got used to walking again. Those familiar tingles, that you always got when walking on shore after so long on sea, shot through your legs and you were filled with a mix of anxiety and excitement. 

Here on land the scent was even stronger, luring you into the streets. You glanced back at The Teufel over your shoulder and shrugged off the uneasy feeling you got at the thought of leaving your home behind in the harbour. Pulling up your boots a little, you turned away and stepped into the city, finally experiencing what you had dreamed of for so long. 

The streets of Ketterdam were unlike any other place you had ever been. Big crowds of tourists and inhabitants were moving as one through the small streets of the Lid. Men, women and children all walked through each other, barely taking notice of the persons passing them. The lights coming through the shop windows casted yellow and white shapes on the cobblestoned ground, with which the shadows of the people danced. 

You followed the crowd into the buzzing parts of town, falling in step with the other tourists. Many years ago your grandmother had told you that the Lid was filled with gambling houses and it was the place where the most tourists stuck around. And indeed, as you walked on the crowd gradually got thinner with people leaving right and left to fall into the temptation of the colourful buildings decorated with bright lights. Faint music combined with the loud chatter of people in all languages hung in the salty air, like a blanket that was thrown over this part of the city. 

However, all that you could think of was Stefan’s face and his words. Jer elsker pe. In a haze you walked through the busy streets, hearing Stefan’s voice over and over in your head. His touch was imprinted on your skin, the place where his hand had been was burning hot on your arm. 

You had known, that was the worst part. For a few weeks you had known. You had sensed it whenever he was looking at you or when he was touching you. The look on his face was different from before. There had been a softness on the Fjerdan’s face that hadn’t been there before. A weakness. It was an undeliberate thought, but it made its way in your mind anyway. If the past ten years of your life had taught you one thing it was that you had to hide your weaknesses. From enemies and friends. 

It had been a particular hot night at the boarding school and you hadn’t been able to sleep. That day a new girl had arrived at the school and she’d sat down next to you at breakfast. Many of the others had scowled at her but she had ignored them and instead introduced herself as Lotty. It was the first time that someone had voluntarily come to you and the rest of the day you had spent getting Lotty familiar with the school and its surroundings. 

You’d heard the girl stirring next to you and padded over to her. Upon seeing your face, a smile had spread on Lotty’s face and you had whispered: “Want to get out of here?”

Very cautiously you and Lotty had left the sleeping hall and on your toes you had run through the empty corridors of the school building. All the teachers had been asleep already and the big clock in the hall had showed that it was two hours after midnight. 

The front door had opened with a small squeak and the dark night air had welcomed you and Lotty outside. The gardens of the boarding school surrounded the entire building with grass, flowers and low bushes. A sweet, humid scent had hung in the air, the result of the sun that had shone on the flowers all day. 

You and Lotty had sat down in the middle of a flower bed and you had told her about everything. For the first time in your life you’d felt like you had a friend and you had trusted her with some of the secrets you knew about the school’s building. For hours you two had sat outside, until the sun had started to rise and the petals of the flowers had started to collect the morning humidity. As you had gotten up, you’d put your hand on the ground to push yourself up and you felt something crawl under your palm. You had squealed and stumbled back quickly, staring in disgust at the place where you had put your hand. There on the ground a thick spider had quickly crawled away under the flowers. 

Lotty’d started to laugh and you had scolded her. Spiders had always scared you and no matter how much you’d tried to get over it, whenever you saw one you couldn’t help but shudder. 

Back at the sleeping hall you had fallen into a restless sleep for the last few hours, dreaming of a thousand legs and jaws. When you’d woken up, Lotty hadn’t been there and at breakfast she had sat with the other children, not with you. 

The next morning you had woken up with something crawling up your arm and the sound of laughter. 

And now Stefan had shown you his weakness. Though you would never use it against him like Lotty had done to you, there was something that bothered you now you knew his weakness. What if unintentionally you would cause him trouble or danger?

“Watch where you’re going!” a man sneered and he roughly pushed past you. 

You shook your head out of your thoughts and looked around. The bright gambling dens had been replaced by small, tall and crooked houses made by all different sorts of bricks and wooden beams for support. The streets were still busy but this was a different crowd. People with comical masks and cloaks moved in little groups, quickly and rushed, as if they were afraid someone would stop them. A few people wore gaudy suits and moved proudly over the streets, their hands in their pockets. The others wore more ragged clothes in dark colours and they walked with their heads down to the ground. 

You were in the Barrel, undoubtedly. The gambling houses were still there, but more scattered. Still they weren’t much different from the ones on the Lid; a lot of dramatic lightning and flashing colours, all so that the most people would come in. 

The East Stave was on your left. You had refused ever to step foot near the brothels on the West Stave. The horrid stories that your grandmother had told you had already been enough to keep you away and the rumours you had heard from the crew on The Teufel had only added to that. 

Your legs were getting tired from walking so much and the unnerving thoughts were still whirling through your head. On The Teufel you would have searched for Stefan and gotten drunk with him hidden somewhere on the deck, but Stefan wasn’t here and The Teufel was far back in the harbour. So instead you searched for the least ostentatious building and eventually settled on a gambling club called the Crow Club. 

A silver crow hung over the entrance of the club and you looked up to it as you walked under it, entering the building. You stepped into a big hall that was parted in two by a lowered floor in the back. The black lacquered walls had no windows and all sense of night and day was lost as soon as you stepped inside. The little clock around your neck told you it was little after ten bells. That meant that you had one hour and a half before you had to go back. 

You sat on one of the crimson stools at the bar and ordered a drink from the man behind it. He eyed you for a moment and you noticed he was contemplating whether to give someone your age a drink, but he seemed to decide that profit is profit and poured you a drink. You watched him while he worked for a moment. He was not as old as you had thought him to be. The only wrinkles in his face were near the corners of his mouth and the cracks next to his eyes. His skin was dark bronze and his hair pitch black, almost like the walls around him. And what he lacked in height he seemed to be making up in strength, as his arms were muscular and he looked strong enough to throw a man twice his size out of the place. 

The drink burned in your throat, but you threw it all in anyway. For a moment your gullet was on fire and the next moment it was gone. The years among a group of adult pirates had learned you how to take your drinks. 

You asked the bartender for another and you didn’t miss the surprise on his face, but turned the other way, looking at the parlor around you. Most of the tables in the lower part of the room were occupied by a variety of people. In the left corner of the room sat a couple, their feet entangled under the table, but their eyes fanatically looking at the other. 

At a table closer to you sat a woman in a bright red dress with feathers in her hair. From your place you could see the cards in her hand and if you stretched your neck a little you could also see the cards of her neighbour. The table was playing Ridderspel, a simple card game played with the lower numbers of the cards. It was a game to make little money quickly and one of the most played card games in gambling houses everywhere. 

The woman had two sevens, an eight and a four of the crow-marked cards in her hand and she pushed forward four little red chips when the dealer asked to place the bets. Her neighbour pushed forward two grey chips and the man opposite of her one grey and one red one. The dealer collected the chips and stacked them in the middle of the table. 

On The Teufel you had played many games of Ridderspel with the crew. However, after a while they had banned you from playing games for money. It hadn’t taken long for you to see connections between the faces of people and their cards. You could see a pattern in the order they played their cards and knew after showing the first card of the game who would win.

It had started with Ridderspel. One dark night under the light of a lantern you had been playing the game with Stefan and two others of the crew, Vinay and Cilka, when you had noticed that whenever Cilka got her cards the lightest frown would form on her face if she didn’t get good cards. It was invisible to anyone else, but you saw how her eyebrows would twitch shortly. You knew that everyone had their tells, some more obvious than others, but after that night you had searched the others’ signs. Vinay’s shoulders would slump a little if he had bad cards and Stefan’s eyes would flicker shortly over the table if his cards were good. 

After you had learned their signs, you’d noticed that there was a pattern in the way they played their cards. If they had bad cards, they played the highest first, hoping to at least get a little out of the game. If they had good cards, they would hold their highest cards for the end, but they wouldn’t play their lowest card first either. It was a complicated strategy, a difficult trick on your mind, but after months of examining the game, both playing and from afar, you found the pattern. From there on it wasn’t difficult to find the patterns in other games and soon you were banned from playing games on the entire ship. 

However, whenever you were on land and there was a gambling house in the city, the crew would often ask you if you could just play some games so they could get some money. You knew that with you playing at the table the game wasn’t fair anymore, but you would do it night after night if that meant you could do something for your crew. 

Now, you knew that the woman in red had a good chance of winning the game. She tapped her fingers on her thigh and kept staring at her cards. So much for a bluffing face. The dealer asked to play the first card and the woman threw one of her sevens on the table. Not the highest and not the lowest. Her neighbours answered by throwing an eight and a five. 

The next round was played and now the woman played her four, receiving another eight and a seven. She is playing out her opponents. If they wanted to win, they would have to change the course, but you feared it was already too late for them. The woman threw her eight on the table and the others a seven and a five. The last card was played and at her seven, the woman got a six and a four. 

As the dealer started to count the points you turned away; you didn’t need to count the points to know that the woman in the red dress had won the game. 

“Another one, please,” you said to the barman in Kerch and he nodded at you. Curiosity could be read off his face even by those who didn’t have your talent of understanding facial expressions. 

When he gave you your glass his eyes lingered on your clothes and you realised how idiotic you must look in this environment. Though the people in the hall weren’t all wearing evening dresses or three-piece suits, you knew that someone in a black jacket and leather boots to their knees would stand out. Consciously you stroke a hand over the braids in your hair and looked at the bartender. 

“Don’t worry,” he said as he noticed your looks. “Many tourists come dressed up.” 

You tilted your head to the side and hesitated telling him the truth. Figuring there wouldn’t come much trouble from doing so, you sat up and shook your head. “These are my normal clothes.” 

The barkeeper cocked an eyebrow and then went on with cleaning the glasses. You stared at the brown liquid in your glass before you knocked it back and softly placed your glass back on the bar. The movement caught the attention of the man behind the bar and he lifted the bottle, silently asking if you wanted another one. 

“Sure,” you answered and pushed your glass forward. 

The way the man filled the glass reminded you of how Stefan used to fill your glass. While you preferred to drink straight from the bottle, he would always insist on taking glasses from the galley. 

“We can at least pretend we’re fancy,” he’d say, as you were hidden in the shadows of the back of the ship. 

A faint smile played on your lips as you thought back of Stefan, but your inside burned as you heard his last words back in your head. Jer elsker pe. The truth was that you weren’t quite sure if you loved Stefan back. He had always been close to you and you appreciated him being such a good friend to you, but you didn’t love him the way he loved you. At least, that’s what you thought. You had never really experienced love before, so how could you know what it felt like? 

“Maybe you should slow on those,” the bartender said as you placed yet another empty glass on the bar. 

“No,” you rasped, fighting the burn in your throat. “I’ve had worse.” 

“I can stop giving you, y’know?” the man said as you lifted your glass again for another. 

“And not get paid? You wouldn’t.” 

The barkeeper laughed and poured you another glass. This time you didn’t immediately drink it all, but you turned around on your stool and looked at the biggest table on the floor. It was an oval-shaped table, lined with the same crimson of the seat you were sitting on, and around it sat seven people. Dice lay in the middle of the table, surrounded by grey, black and red chips and a stack of cards. 

Even in the noise of the other tables and people walking between them, the conversations at the big table were clear. 

“You’re bluffing!” the man on the right shouted. He was big in all aspects someone could be big. The hems of his trousers were too high up his legs and the sleeves of his jacket were too short. The golden buttons of his blouse were about to burst and his hat kept sliding off his head because it didn’t fit well. His appearance was only mimicked more by his dark red cheeks and the little drops of sweat that were rolling down his face. 

“Am not,” the lanky, dark brown man on the other side of the table said. He had a wicked grin on his handsome face and seemed to be in his element. His feet were lying on the edge of the table and he held his cards loosely in his hand, like they were to fall any moment. 

“How could you—? You don’t— No one—” the big man started and the colour drained from his face. You had missed what the beginning of the conversation was, but surely it was not something the big man wanted to come out. 

“Maybe you should try to keep such information to yourself,” the tall guy said. “Now, are you in or out?” 

The surrounding men at the table nervously shifted in their seats as they looked at the big man. He patted his head with a silk handkerchief and stared at his cards for a moment. A new set of sweat seemed to pour over his forehead and eventually he threw his cards open on the table. ‘I’m out.’ 

The man got up from the table and he hurried away, followed by the other five men. They walked past you in a queue outside and when they were all gone, the guy at the table smiled pleased.

“He was bluffing,” you noted, after taking a quick glance at the cards that were lying open on the table. 

“What?” the barman asked, who had watched the play with you, and you were reminded that you were not alone. 

A warm rush spread in your cheeks and you turned your head to the bartender. “That guy was bluffing to scare the man away.” 

The man squeezed his eyes at you and said a little too late: “Why’d you think that?” 

“Look at the cards on the table,” you said and peered back at the big table. “That man on the left had two of the highest and the person two seats from him had another. I can’t see the cards on this side of the table, but whatever they are, this guy can never have enough to win.” 

The barman looked at you for a few seconds. “How do you know?” 

You looked out over the hall, scanning the games on other tables. “You learn things,” you shrugged and then nodded to a little table closer by. “See that guy? How he is glancing between his cards and the dealer’s hands?” The barkeeper leaned forward over the bar and looked at where you were pointing. “He has good cards and is trying not to let anyone notice it.” 

The man leaned back from the bar and filled your glass without you even asking. He rested one hand on the bar and looked at you. “Where did you learn that?” 

“Well, you have to do something on a ship,” you said, swirling the drink. “Eventually staring at the stars all night gets a bit boring.” 

The barman snorted laughingly. “You’re from a ship?” Then he looked at your outfit again and he nodded. “Now that makes a lot more sense,” he mumbled. “When did you arrive?” 

“About an hour ago,” you answered and pulled the clock from your blouse. 

Meanwhile, the handsome guy from the big table walked to the bar and he greeted the bartender as he sat down one seat away from you. You looked at him from the corner of your eye and stopped at the guns on his hips. The clock lowered without you realising and you gave up on trying to hide your stare. 

The two pearl-handled guns shone in the light from above and you shook your head in disbelief. Zemini-made revolvers were rare, and you would know. You had heard stories about them from your mates on The Teufel, but none of them had ever even had one in their hands. Only Nerseh in his younger years had owned one, but he had lost it in a battle. The Zemini guns were feared among your crew and there were two of them right next to you now. 

“See anything you like, darling?” the guy asked and your eyes shot from his revolvers to his face. He had that same mischievous smile on his lips and there was a glimmer in his eyes as he raised his eyebrow at you. 

“Those are pretty rare guns,” you said, ignoring the guy’s suggestive tone. 

He took one of the revolvers from the holster and let it twirl in his fingers. Though you didn’t want to, you felt a shiver run down your spine at the ease with which the boy handled his guns. You had gotten quite familiar with your own guns, but you had yet to learn that. 

The boy must have seen your googling eyes because he smiled a bit more real now and said: “I know, Zemini-made. You don’t find that very oft—” 

“Faen!” you interrupted in Fjerdan, using the word that you had heard Stefan say so often. You had looked at your watch and realised that it was much later than you had thought it was. It was already a quarter till midnight and it would take you at least twenty minutes to get back to the harbour. You jumped from your seat, threw some coins on the bar and straightened your coat, mumbling: “Stupid windowless walls…” 

Without sparing another look at the two guys you left behind you stormed out of the Crow Club into the street. Rain was pouring down from the sky and you shivered at the sudden cold. For a second you looked around and scanned your surroundings and then you hurried off in the direction you had come from. 

People passed you in a blur of colours and shadows as you ran over the streets, desperately trying to find a way back to the harbour. The captain wouldn’t appreciate you being late and it would most likely cause you a night scrubbing the deck on a night you actually had been free. But perhaps Stefan would accompany you. 

Your mind automatically seemed to find a way to think of your best friend. The situation in the gambling hall had taken your mind off him for a minute but now your logical senses were numbed by the alcohol the Fjerdan was back again. Stefan could’ve easily found his way back. The boy could find a route almost everywhere, even in a place you had never been before. He would just follow the direction of the sun or look at the leaves on a tree and know where you were. 

But Stefan wasn’t there to guide you back. He was probably already back at The Teufel, waiting impatiently on you. 

Every alley looked the same and all the gambling houses had the same flashy lights. You didn’t know if you were moving forward or just running in circles. Somewhere above in the sky you heard the twelve bells that told you you had to be back already. With the feeling you had passed the house on the corner of the street three times before, you ran on, ignoring the protesting people if you ran into them. You almost fell over your own feet and nearly stumbled into a girl dressed all in dark clothes. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled, pushing away from her softly but when you turned around to her she was nowhere to be seen on the street. You were too much in a hurry to worry about that and ran on, sighing in relief when you saw the fluorescent lights from the Lid. 

The Lid was filled with more people than the Barrel you ran from and it was harder to manage a way through. You pushed and threw yourself between people, growing a little nauseous from the smell of so many bodies together combined with the smells that came from the kitchens around. As you hurried through the tourists, your breath was high in your throat and you could feel your heart beating in your head. Heavy breaths fell over your lips but you refused to take a moment to rest. 

The glittery lanes were soon exchanged for the dark open space of the harbour. The cobblestones echoed the sounds of your footsteps as you ran. People shot you weird looks as you raced past them. 

The closer you came to where The Teufel lay, the busier it became, but instead of searching for a reason you just hoped that you could still make it past them. However, the crowd became too big for you to run as fast as you had and you slowed your pace slightly. You zigzagged between people and pushed them aside, getting various insults thrown at your head. As you came closer to the inner circle of the crowd, you realised that they weren’t just randomly standing there; they were standing around The Teufel. 

You stopped running completely and approached the busiest part of the crowd at walking pace. Now you weren’t focusing on your own thoughts you heard that the people were all muttering and talking with each other—and that the people closer to the water were screaming and shouting. 

The few people that stood in between you and your destination you pushed aside softly and the closer you got the more you felt a strange heat on your face. When the woman in front of you stepped aside, your jaw dropped. 

There, in the water, right where it had been when you left earlier this night, lay The Teufel completely in flames. Not a single part of the main deck had been spared, flames were reaching high up in the sky, eating the masts like a monstrous creature. Thick dark grey clouds hung above the ship in the dark blue night sky. The flames curled around the hull of The Teufel, like a devil claiming its prey. Wooden walls collapsed, iron melted and ropes caught fire, sending the flames up to destroy the crow’s nest. 

Among the chaos on the shore and the sound of the fire, all you could think about was one thing. My family. The shouting and cackling couldn’t drown out the screams of terror that came from the belly of the ship. Cries for help, prayers to all gods and saints. Your crew was in there. Your people were inside of a burning ship. Your friends and family. They were all trapped. 

It could have been you. If you hadn’t lost track of time, you would’ve been there with them. You would have arrived before the twelve bells, gone inside with the others and would be trapped in there now. It could have been you, but instead it was your crew. And you didn’t know what was worse. 

There was nothing you could do. No way to run on the ship and free your mates without catching fire yourself. No way to stop that fire that was capturing The Teufel. No human could do it, no grisha either. This was more than an accidental fire, this was controlled. Don’t fight a bigger power without knowing its weaknesses. It was a phrase your father would say to you whenever you had been mad at the world as a child. The advice he had ignored before he had gone to fight his way into death. You didn’t know what the fire’s weaknesses were, if there were any weaknesses at all. All you could do was stand on the shore with your hands clasped over your chest and your eyes stuck on what had once been The Teufel. What had once been your home. 

The screams of the crew were engraving themselves in your mind, cutting you open and leaving deep wounds. The last bit of your hope had been left behind on that ship and was now burning away, leaving nothing but a hollow chest. 

Time passed by as you stood on the shore, watching the last remains of your home falling apart. You didn’t look away when the fire burst through the portholes in the hull of the ship and you didn’t flinch as you heard the last sounds you would ever hear from your crewmates. You took it all in, soaked your mind in the pain, feeling the shock and terror making place for fury. One day, you promised yourself. One day you would find a way to get revenge. 

You knew that in a city like this news would spread fast. Surely before sunrise all the people in Ketterdam would know of the ship that had burned away in Fifth Harbour. You wouldn’t be safe; not from the questions of the people and not from whoever had done this. You were sure that they wouldn’t be too keen on having missed someone from the crew before they blew it up. Chances were big that, if anyone ever found out that you had belonged to The Teufel, your days would be numbered. 

Fortunately you hadn’t told anyone you were part of The Teufel’s crew. Anyone but the barman at the Crow Club. You hadn’t literally told him, but you were sure he could put two and two together. 

Once the fire had been settled and the ashes of the wood were only still smoldering, you straightened your back. You would find the barman and ask him not to tell anyone. Or perhaps you would find your ending in the streets of the Barrel. The Teufel had been your home for two years, but it was time to get moving. 

-=-=-

The Crow Club stood proudly in front of you. Rain was running down your face, following the lines of your neck into your blouse. You were cold and your entire body was shaking but you knew that was more from the shock than the rain. In the back of your head you still heard the screams but you tried to block them out as you stepped to the gambling house. 

As you walked closer to the entrance, a boy stepped in front of the door, blocking your way. He was huge with arms full of tattoos and a mouth full of crooked teeth, some of them missing, and when you approached him you realised he was watching you. He expected me. This guy had been waiting for you, he had known that you would come back. How could he?

Hesitating you went forward. You had already seen the gun on his belt and you were quite sure if you turned around and walked away he wouldn’t be afraid to use it. In front of the boy you stopped and leaned to the side to look inside the building. 

“I’m sorry, could I go inside?” you asked, your voice mellow and innocent. “I would really like to warm up a little.” 

The man just tilted his head to the side and his lips turned into a stupid grin. His hand rested casually on his gun, though you knew that all his moves had been precisely calculated. Whether by himself or someone’s orders was your next guess. 

“You better follow me,” the boy said and his eyes glassily looked at you. 

“Do I have a choice then?” 

“No.” The man took his gun from his belt and easily pointed it to your chest. If he shot now he wouldn’t kill you, just harm you. So he wants me alive. 

“Fine, fine,” you mumbled and lifted your arms in the air to show you were defenceless. 

The guy roughly pushed you away from the door and held the barrel to your back as he led you away from the Crow Club. 

You weren’t sure why the boy didn’t just put a bullet through your head. If he was part of whoever had burned down The Teufel, why would he want you to stay alive? The rest had been murdered mercilessly, what did they have in mind for you? 

However, if he wasn’t not part of the fire, why did he want to have you at all? You couldn’t think of anything you had done wrong or of any danger you could be. You were pretty much just a harmless teen in a strange city. 

The man pushed you through the street and over a bridge. You made a few turns into small alleys and streets, passing houses in all shapes and kinds. Behind some windows flickered a soft light, others were dark. You heard screaming from one house and music from the house next to it. Laughter of children and cursing from adults. 

You stopped in front of a house that looked exactly like all the others; crippled and on the brink of collapse. The guy held his gun to you as he kicked open the door and then pressed the barrel deeper in your back to make you walk. Slowly you passed over the threshold and stood still in the hall of the house. 

Much different from what you had expected, the inside of the house was not damaged like the outside. While the colours and construction did look old, the house was built to survive for longer than just a few years. 

“Up,” the man mumbled and he nodded to the stairs. 

You followed his order and headed up the stairs, feeling your legs ache from all the walking on land you had done in the past hours. Though you got used quite fast to the difference, a sudden change from sea to shore did have its effects on your body. Especially if you crossed an entire city twice in one night. 

The staircase led to a landing with many doors. The house wasn’t particularly big and with that many doors, you figured the rooms must be small. You wondered what this house was used for. It almost had the feeling of a hostel, but there wouldn’t be many guests if putting a gun to someone’s head was their way of advertising. 

“That room,” said the guy and he gestured at one of the doors in the corridor. 

The wooden planks creaked under the weight of your body. The door of the room was closed and the man with the gun knocked on it with much more restraint than you expected from someone who had just abducted you from the streets. 

It was silent for a moment as you and the man waited for the door to open. Your heart was beating in your throat and you swallowed deeply. Nerves were running through your body, sending tingles down to your fingertips. 

The door opened and before you had time to look inside, the guy pushed you inside and closed the door again behind you. You were inside a small room, with a bed, a chair and a closet that put half the room in shadows. On the wall opposite of the door was a little window, showing the side of another building that stood next to the house. The window reminded you of the portholes inside the hold of a ship, your least favourite place as there was very little light. 

However, the room didn’t have much space in your mind as your attention was caught by the person in the room. He could not be much older than you yet it felt like this boy had more character than an old man. His face was hidden in the shadows but you could make out the hard lines framed by sleek black hair. His eyes shone like emeralds under his dark brows and there was a malicious glance in them when they rested on you. 

“Sit,” he spoke and the rock salt rasp of his voice sent shivers down your spine. “Please.”

You sat down on the simple wooden chair in the middle of the room, though you rather would’ve kept standing. The boy was towering over you now, standing in front of you, leaning on his cane. Your eyes slid to the silver handle under his gloved hands. It had the shape of a crow’s head.  

 “Who are you?” you asked, trying to calm the nerves you felt rushing through you. You weren’t necessarily afraid of the boy, but you also couldn’t deny the unease in your body.

The boy cocked his head to the side and the smallest wicked grin played on his lips. “An hour ago a ship was set ablaze in Fifth Harbour,” the boy said and you looked away from his stern gaze. “The Teufel. A rather bold way of naming a ship, after the devil, isn’t it? Nothing is left of The Teufel, no plank, no crewmate. Or at least, so is said. That is why you are here, not y/n?” 

Your head snapped up to the boy and your eyes narrowed at him. “You know my name?” 

“I know lots, y/n, and your name happens to be on that list,” the boy said and it was a little harder for him to hide his smirk. He’s enjoying it, you realised in disbelief. This is what he’s trained for. “I also know that you are the only living crewmate and that you visited my club this evening.” 

“Your club?” You frowned—he seemed way too young to have a successful gambling club. 

“Yes, my club,” the boy repeated and he shifted his weight, letting a sigh fall from his lips. “You sat at the bar and ordered more drinks in two hours than an average adult would in four hours.” 

You looked back at your feet. You knew you had trouble staying away from the drinks, but that didn’t make it any nicer when someone pointed it out. At sea it had never really mattered—the others had drunk with you and as long as you did your duties successfully the captain didn’t care if you were sober or not. 

“You spoke with no one and just watched the games, until my barman got some information out of you,” the boy went on and you felt his gaze on you. “He said you were able to determine the outcome of the game after just the first card was played.” 

“So?” you shrugged. Surely that was not why the boy had gotten you there and it was definitely not something that was on your mind right now. All you could think of were the screams and the longer you sat in the dark room, the more cramped it became. 

“Can you?” 

“I don’t see how—” 

“Answer the question.” His voice was hard and cold, but laced with curiosity that he failed to hide from you. 

“I guess I can, yes.” 

The boy stayed silent for a while and the tension in the room reached for your throat. You had never been one for small rooms, that’s why you had chosen for the sea. And now the anxiety of all that had happened that night was piling up on your chest, like someone pressing down on you. The walls were closing in on you, leaving you gasping for breath. Your clothes were still wet and your hair stuck to your forehead and neck, but you were no longer cold. 

You clenched your hands around the fabric of your blouse, feeling it crumple between your fingers. But even in your panicked state you could see the change in demeanor in the boy. He planned this. He had known this would happen, he had deliberately put you in this room, knowing what it would do to you. 

“What do you want from me?” you breathed, looking up to meet his eyes, and then added with an intensity you didn’t know was in you: “Did you kill them?” 

The hard expression on the boy’s face fell for a moment as he looked at you. For a minute he turned into a boy his age, someone with a soul. “I promise you I didn’t kill them. I had nothing to do with the fire.” Then he straightened his back and slammed his cane on the floor, pulling himself out of the moment. “I have business. We’ll continue in the morning.” 

The boy limped to the door and the cane suddenly made more sense. He pulled the door open and stepped through it when you interrupted him. 

“Who are you?” 

He looked over his shoulder and casted a dark glance at your figure. You had stood up from your chair and were still holding onto the back for balance. There was an expression on his face that you couldn’t read and you feared that it wouldn’t be the last time that happened. 

“Kaz Brekker. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

-=-=-

The mattress you were lying on was lumpy and hard, forcing your back to straighten in a way it never had to. The blanket was itchy and heavy and pressed hard on your chest, not allowing you to take deep breaths. 

You were shifting in and out of sleep, unable to tell reality from imagination. One moment you were staring at the dark ceiling above you, the next you were sitting alone in the hold of The Teufel. The room around you moved in front of your eyes, the shadows dancing on the walls. In the ship, water slowly rose around you. You tried to get up, tried to run away, but it was as if you were glued to the floor. Unable to move you sat waiting for the rising water to reach for your throat. 

Something moved in the room. It was a flicker of a shadow in the corner of your eye but enough for you to notice. You forced your eyes open, but the water was rising so quickly it was impossible for you to focus on anything else. The water level was at your jaw now. You took a final breath and the shadow in the room moved again. Closing your eyes against the water, it rose above your nose. 

Then there was more movement. The shadow was coming closer to you, moving with the grace of a cloud. 

Feeling the water on your face, you opened your eyes and shot up in the bed. The water disappeared and you were in the dark room again, shaking and coughing. Yet the threat wasn’t gone; the shadow was still in the corner. 

You shifted to the side and rested your back against the cold wall, looking at the shadow in anticipation. While your heart was beating in your throat, you calmly looked ahead of you until the shadow moved from the corner. 

“How did you see me?” the shadow asked and you shrugged. 

“You move like a spider.” And I’m afraid of spiders. 

Out of the shadows stepped a young girl, hidden in a flowy cloak that moved along with her. The lack of light threw a veil over the room, covering it with a black and white filter, but still you could make out the brown skin of the girl and her almost black eyes, that were staring right at you. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, though it would be no surprise if the girl had something to do with your meeting with Brekker a few hours ago. 

“Look,” the girl said and she moved to sit next to you on the bed. You caught a shimmer of something near her wrists, but when you looked at her she was wearing a light smile. “This isn’t the worst place to end up. You have walked through these streets; you know where you could have ended.” 

You thought back of earlier this evening when you were walking through the roads of the Barrel for the first time. The girl was right; if you hadn’t been brought to where you were now you could have turned into the colourless types that you had seen or, worse, you could have ended up in one of the brothels. 

“Kaz doesn’t just take anyone in,” the girl continued. “He must think you have some use, or he would have left you on the streets.”

You snorted; that wasn’t exactly a much better prospect. 

The girl must have guessed your thought because she chuckled shortly. “I know it does not seem like it now, but trust me—this is the right place to be.” 

Silence filled the room for a minute as you thought about the girl’s words. Instinct told you that you could trust her, and that her trust once lost, was lost forever. There were so many questions you wanted to ask her but you were afraid of the answers. You preferred mystery over knowledge right now. 

The shadow girl was looking at you with pity on her face, like she felt bad for your situation. There was sympathy behind her eyes and compassion in her touch as she placed her hand shortly over yours, giving it the lightest squeeze. 

“What’s your name?” you asked, your throat tightening at the threat of tears. 

The girl stared at you for a second and then she gave you a smile. “Inej,” she said. “But you might hear of me as the Wraith.” 

Inej got up from her place on the bed and walked to the door. Her cloak fluttered behind her through the air as she walked, falling against her legs when she halted. She turned around to you. “Kaz will send someone to get you in the morning.” 

“What will happen?” 

“I don’t know what he has planned,” Inej sighed. “But I advise you to go along with it, or it might be the last you’ll do.” 

She shot you a final smile and left the room silently. The shadow disappeared as quietly as it had come. 

-=-=-

You didn’t know if you had slept at all. Undoubtedly you had dozed off for a while, but for most of the night you had just lain on your back staring at the stains on the ceiling above you. When the morning sun had brightened your room, the hope that it might all be a dream had disappeared when reality came in crashing hard. 

The clothes you had worn last night had dried from the rain, but they no longer brought the comfort they used to. Here wearing those clothes meant that you stood out; you couldn’t blend in. When the same guy as last night had knocked on your door and ordered you to follow him you had left your jacket behind, deciding that the rest of your outfit was conspicuous enough on its own. 

Last night in the dark the house had been silent, but now you heard noise everywhere. There were many more doors than you had thought and behind every one lay a secret. The house seemed bigger now it was light. Although there was no direct sunlight in the corridors you could sense that it was day. Last night you had felt mystery as you had walked through the corridors but now it felt more like the boarding school you had gone to with all the whispers. 

“Where are we going?” you asked the boy who had brought you to this house. 

“Crow Club,” he grumbled and then kept silent. 

You walked the same route you had last night, but now the streets were deserted and the houses quiet. The Barrel was the part of Ketterdam that lived at night. 

The big, silver crow that hung above the entrance of the Crow Club like a guardian quickly came to your sight and you shivered lightly. Entering that club was what had gotten you in this situation and you feared you would only get deeper in this mess when you entered again. 

However, the big guy behind you left you no choice and before you even had time to think he had already pushed you over the threshold. 

Stumbling inside you were greeted by the same black, windowless walls and the same stuffed scent. The crimson stools at the bar were unoccupied but the tables on the gambling floor were played on, despite the early hours. Games of Ridderspel and Spijker were in full motion as you were led through a door on the side of the room. 

“Close the door behind you, Pim,” a voice from the shadows said and the boy who had led you there, apparently named Pim, closed the door. 

You looked at the strange scene in front of you. You hadn’t known what to expect but it sure wasn’t a gambling parlor. There was one big table in the middle of the room and around it stood eight chairs. Only one of the chairs was occupied and with a jolt you recognised the boy from the Zemeni guns. 

“Goede morgen,” he smiled at you as he leaned back in his chair. “Care for a game?” 

“What?” You stood rooted to the ground, staring in confusion at the guy at the table. 

From the shadows on the side of the room Kaz Brekker stepped. The loud, rhythmic thud from his cane on the floor was the only sound in the room as he walked to the table. He stopped in the middle and looked up at you with his hard cold gaze. 

“Play a game,” he said, resting his two hands on the crow head of his cane. 

“I don’t understand,” you tried. 

“It’s easy,” Brekker said. “You said you were good at card games, right? So prove it—play a game with Jesper.”

Jesper, the boy at the table, flashed his smile full of white teeth at you and raised his eyebrows. It felt like a trap, but you couldn’t forget what Inej had said to you that night. I advise you to go along with it, or it might be the last you’ll do. An invitation to a game wouldn’t be your end. 

Behind you Pim stepped closer to you and put his hand on your shoulder to push you forward. Within a second you had turned around and taken hold of his arm, twisting it dangerously close to breaking. The boy looked at you with somewhat of fright on his face and there was a little wave of triumph in your stomach. The emotions of the situation got the better of you and your heart was racing as you felt the anger rushing through your veins.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed through gritted teeth and pushed his arm a little further. “Understand?” 

Pim’s eyes flashed to the two people behind you and he recollected himself. He pulled his arm from your grip and stepped back to the door, avoiding your eyes and looking gruffly ahead. 

You turned around and found Jesper looking at you in awe and even Brekker couldn’t hide his surprise. Then you nodded at the two men and took a seat on the opposite side of the table. “Let’s play then.”

Brekker nodded approvingly and shuffled the cards with his gloved hands. Your eyes were glued to the smooth movement of the crows imprinted cards. They slid through the fingers of the pale black-haired smoothly like water. 

“I assume you know Ridderspel?” the gloved dealer asked as he placed four cards in front of you on the table. 

“Of course,” you said, watching Jesper intently as this one got his cards. 

Because everything in the situation was new for you, it would take you two or three rounds before you would get used to the game. All, from the cards and chairs to your opponent and the dealer, was unfamiliar to you and combining that with the pressure of supposably your life on the line only made it easier to overlook things. 

Therefore you had to pay extra attention, and mostly to Jesper. His easygoing attitude and big smile were dangerous tricks that could throw you off without any difficulty but you wouldn’t fall for them. You were looking for little things that would give him away, like the slightest falter of his smile, a tiny frown or nervous twitch. 

Jesper picked up his cards and you watched him from the corner of your eyes as you pretended to look at your own cards. For this round however those wouldn’t really matter. First you had to find Jesper’s tell. That you might lose and give him confidence was only an additional benefit; people made more mistakes when they’re blinded by the price. 

At first nothing seemed to happen. Jesper kept the same smirk on his face and played the round with nonchalance, taking all but one pair in the game. Triumphantly he leaned his chair back on two chair legs and stacked his chips in front of him. 

“Don’t worry love, you’ll get it later,” he said, giving you a wink.

You shot him a sweet smile back and took the new cards off the table. After one look you had them memorised and you looked at Jesper. He was looking at his cards with sparkles in his eyes, but yet again it was no different than before. 

Silently you cursed yourself. Last night he had seemed so open and easy to read, but you realised now that there were many more layers to the guy with the pearl-handled revolvers. 

Again you lost the game, now with all your cards being lost to Jesper. His pile of red chips was building and yours was only getting lower. You looked at your chips. If you didn’t win soon the game would be over and you’d lose, and you didn’t want to think what consequences that had. 

The third game were the last cards of the deck before it was shuffled again. Your hand was to your benefit with no card lower than six. You knew there weren’t many high cards, if any at all, left in the game since Jesper had beaten you with high numbers every time. That meant that he would have low cards and now was the perfect time to watch his reaction. 

You took a new approach to finding his tell. Instead of focusing on his facial expressions, that he proved to have under control, you now concentrated on his body language. His shoulders hung relaxed and his arms were resting on the edge of the table. Though you couldn’t see his legs under the table, you knew they weren’t standing neatly on the ground but were instead crossed or at least moving. Nothing in his posture gave him away. 

Until it did. It was a flash of a second, if you’d blinked you wouldn't have seen it. For a fraction of time Jesper’s shoulders fell and his arms stiffened. No one else in the room noticed it, but your senses became hypersensitive. 

Then, when you looked at his face, you saw more. His smirk wasn’t genuine anymore and the sparkles in his eyes weren’t as bright as before. It were minuscule changes, but big messages to you. 

“I raise,” you spoke calmly and you pushed forward the last of your chips. It was all or nothing. 

You saw Brekker raising his eyebrow in the corner of your eye, but you were focused on Jesper. His brows furrowed a little and he pushed forward the same amount. Though he had chips left, if you won this round you would have much more than he, meaning you won this game. 

“Let’s play,” you grinned and opened with your six, your lowest card, but still a rather high card. 

Jesper’s card would be crucial. If he had higher than a six, he would play that and you wouldn’t win the game. If he had a six, he would play that one  and the cards would be evened out, but you would know that the six was his highest card. If he played anything lower than a six it would mean that you had won the game, for no one would lose a round on purpose and play a lower card when they had a higher one. 

Expectantly you looked at Jesper. His smirk had gone and made place for a frown as he looked at the card on the table. His joyful bluffing face was nowhere to be seen and a sigh fell from his lips when he realised his defeat. He threw a five on the table and sunk back in his chair. 

With a grin on your face you played the rest of the round and won all Jesper’s cards. At the end of the game, you rested your chin on your folded hands and smiled at Jesper. “You know what?” you started and Jesper looked up at you. “I think I got it.”

-=-=-

Kaz and Jesper had left the room after the game and Pim was standing on the outside of the door, making sure no one would get in. They had not said a word to you when they left and now you were alone in the silent gambling parlor. At least, that’s what they wanted you to believe. 

“Inej,” you said. “Come out please.” 

No matter how focused you had been on the game, you hadn’t missed the little shadow sneaking inside near the end. And you hadn’t missed how Brekker’s eyes had shifted to one particular corner while he was watching your game with Jesper. 

The girl appeared from the shadow and silently walked over to you, giving you a small smile. “How did you know I was here?” 

“Because you wanted to be seen,” you simply said and by the way her eyes widened you knew you were right. “I don’t really know you, but I have the feeling you can be really invisible if you want. Me seeing you is not a coincidence or special talent of mine. You wanted me to see you.” 

Inej chuckled softly and shook her head. “How do you do that? Knowing what I feel by just looking at me?” 

You smiled and shrugged. “I had a tutor,” you said. “Mayranoush was her name. She taught me how to know people before they even see you.”

The memory of The Teufel’s quartermaster hurt. The weird situation you were in had taken your mind off the loss for a moment, but now there was nothing to distract you the pain came double as hard. 

You thought of your crew and how much you already missed them. Captain Nerseh and his brusque manners but warm heart; Marina and her cheerfulness; Vinay, who was the only one who still had wanted to play games with you. You missed them all so much and you couldn’t believe that they weren’t there anymore. 

But the one you missed the most was Stefan. He had been your best friend for the past two years, you had spent every day together and never had you thought you’d have to say goodbye. You thought of his last words to you. Back then you hadn’t known what to say, but now as you were sitting there without him you knew that you loved him too. But it was too late. 

“Jer elsker pe,” you whispered to yourself. 

“What?” Inej asked and you looked up. You had forgotten she was sitting next to you, so silent she was. 

“Nothing,” you mumbled and then turned to her. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Inej answered and she smiled at you. 

“Have you ever loved someone?” 

Inej’s eyes flickered to the door Kaz had just left through and then she looked at you in silence for a minute. “No,” she said finally. “Never loved like that. Why?” 

You stared at the upholstered table in front of you and swallowed away the pain in your throat. “I just… It hurts so much. Everyone always says that love is the most beautiful thing in the world, but no one ever mentions the pain…” 

“Maybe the pain makes you appreciate it more,” Inej said. “Often we don’t see what we have until it’s gone.” 

A tear rolled down your cheek and you shook your head. Inej was right; you hadn’t known you loved Stefan until he was gone. But that didn’t matter anymore. There was no way you could get the Fjerdan back and you wouldn’t turn into a mess trying to find one. You would keep your love for him deep in your heart until it was nothing more than a memory. 

“Life’s not fair,” you said and you wiped the tears from your face. “But I’ll get my even.” 

“How?” Inej asked and you turned to her. 

“I will find who burned down my home and I will destroy them to the ground they’re standing on.” 

“I suggest you find help for that,” the cold voice of Kaz Brekker said. 

You looked to your side to meet Kaz and Jesper. Pim was standing inside of the room again, still avoiding your eyes when you looked at him. Jesper was watching you with a smirk and he winked at you when he caught your eyes. 

Finally you turned to Brekker, who was looking at you with a peculiar expression. There was something playing around his lips that you would almost call a smile and his eyes had lost the ice cold gaze. 

“Who do you suggest?” you asked, looking up at Kaz. 

He shrugged half and said, before he walked away: “I have some connections.” 

Pim and he disappeared behind the door and you were left dumbfounded with Inej and Jesper. The latter placed his hand on your shoulder and chuckled. You looked between him and Inej and raised an eyebrow. “What just happened?” 

“I think you just became a member of the Dregs.” 

- - - - - 

special thanks to @awritingtree​ for the support and encouragement <3

there’s no taglist yet, but let me know if youw ant to be added to the SoC-taglist!

MASTERLIST

[whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK

First of all: two posts in two days?!?? Please teach me your ways / we are so blessed

Second-fiftieth of all:

He nudges it with his hip—a little too hard, accidentally—and has to catch it with his foot before it hits the wall.

I fucking adore little things like this, it’s SO hard to do in writing, showing a characters personality without directly telling or using dialogue. The message is received! (The message I got is “Sebastian is a lovable clumsy doofus” and I cannot fucking wait for Jaime to get that too)

Jaime starts to shake his head, then pinches his eyes shut and clears his throat.

His training is so strong he struggles even nonverbally saying no I am going to CRY

but at least he doesn’t wait for explicit permission. That’s a small win.

IT IS !!!

Jaime takes another small bite, and Sebastian takes some small comfort in watching it happen, seeing at least one of his needs met.

Going fucking feral over this.

but you could also probably put raw coffee beans in a cup of room temperature water and I’d drink it in a pinch.”

He is so, “you could dump soup in my lap and I’d apologize!” coded

I end up running out of time for anything more than a granola bar on the way out the door.”

Oh Sebastian…maybe this contract thing can be good for you too. (What’s that? Caretaker forced to take care of themselves to take care of whumpee? My favorite trope??)

“So now you know what I like. And what about you?”

Sebastian I am in love with you !

Feeling useful is going to be the one safety net he has at first. You shouldn’t take that away from him completely, even with the best of intentions.

You know what that is an excellent point.

His shoulders stiffen slightly and he looks directly into Sebastian’s eyes, signaling that he is listening.

Ok this is breaking my heart. That he only feels safe to look people in the eyes as yet another show of subservience. Ok yeah sure no yeah I’m fine.

"Two, if you’re making something for me, I want it to be because you’re already making something for yourself."

IM GONNA SOB I LOVE THEM

But he’d like to meet you, when you’re ready, and I think it would be a good idea, too.”

Oh god dammit. Oh god damn we were so close. Holdy put in her reblog that Sebastian went to the Luke Bennet school of possible threats of noncon and first of all that’s hilarious and second of all it’s TRUE

But Jaime can suddenly smell his friend’s cologne so clearly, can feel the cold bathroom tile under his bare feet and under his knees, and remembers exactly what it feels like to be introduced to a Keeper’s friend.

Ok don’t mind me just picking up pieces of my heart from the floor. No please proceed.

Nice guys wait until no one is looking.

STOP IM ALREADY HEARTBROKEN FUCK

Sebastian goes back to work tomorrow.

Jaime gets to be alone!! Alone and protected and hopefully feeling safe!! :,)

He casts a look at a sheepish Jaime, who is clutching both arms over his stomach with reddening cheeks.

Blushing Jaime is my favorite sorry <3

“Wanna try that cooking together thing we talked about earlier?”

!!!!!!!!!!!

For a moment, Sebastian thinks about offering him a hand up from the couch, then thinks better of it and keeps his hands at his side.

!!!!!!!! Why did this give me a heart palpitation. One day Sebastian!!

“I can help you make a list,” he affirms.

:D

but Sebastian already promised himself he wouldn’t subject Jaime to the diet of a sad bachelor just because that’s what he’s used to himself.

Caretaker taking better care of themself so they can care for whumpee!!! YEAHHHH

It wasn’t until we started having lunch together in the clinic that I even felt the need to keep groceries stocked in the kitchen.”

!!!!!! And he said it!!! Jaime gets to know!! And hopefully feel less guilty and maybe even happy !!

In the reflection of the window in front of him, Sebastian can almost convince himself he sees a small smile.

I WILL LIVE IN THAT DELUSION TOO PLEASE

He remembers thinking it was the first time he’d ever seen Jaime look content.

!!!!!!!! I’m gonna cry

“I liked what you used to play in your office. At the clinic,”

:D AND HE ADMITTED A LIKE IM SO HAPPY

There is less pressure to fill the silence when there isn’t any.

perfect no notes

Jaime takes the helm at the stove almost instinctively. He seems content to be there, so Sebastian doesn’t argue.

<3

“I like cooking.”

Will I ever stop losing it when Jaime freely admits something about himself that could be used against him, inherently expressing some small level of trust in Sebastian? No, no I will not.

He wonders when the last time was that Jaime got to run freely.

Same, and my heart is broken again.

“You would let me run?”

…I gotta go lay down. YOU WOULD LET ME RUN ?!?!! 😭

“And you would… come with me?”

AND HED COME WITH YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭

They let the music claim the room once again. The next time Sebastian glances his way, Jaime’s finger is tapping against the spoon.

How did you find the perfect ending to a perfect piece 😭

Two Way Street

Part of Do No Harm. Takes place after this chapter. 

WARNINGS: BBU/BBU-Adjacent, lots of talk around food, references to past noncon, fear of future noncon, trust issues

Sebastian knocks twice, waiting for an affirmative sound on the other side before opening the bedroom door. He nudges it with his hip—a little too hard, accidentally—and has to catch it with his foot before it hits the wall. Somehow, he just manages to keep the two plates balanced in his hands and shoots Jaime a sheepish smile.

“Hey,” he says. “I made breakfast. Um. Well, I guess it’s brunch, now. Sorry about that. Do you like egg sandwiches?”

Jaime looks up at him from where he sits against his bed—on the floor instead of the mattress itself, and Sebastian wonders if he should add another talk about the furniture allowances to his list. One crisis at a time.

“Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit?”

Jaime starts to shake his head, then pinches his eyes shut and clears his throat. “No. I don’t mind.”

He sinks down onto the floor beside him and hands Jaime a plate. Jaime seems to watch him for a cue, waiting until Sebastian has taken his first bite before allowing himself to pick his sandwich up, but at least he doesn’t wait for explicit permission. That’s a small win.

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