#i need a month to process i think
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i just woke myself up from a nap by SHOUTING something about the album to my parents so uh,, that's where I'm at rn with it
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playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
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#my art#top gun fanart#top gun fandom#top gun maverick#bradley rooster bradshaw#tgm fanart#digital art#Maverick#pete maverick mitchell#you told me not to think#revisited this one to add more detail and 2000% more snowflakes#hi hi guys#I’ve needed a few days to try and process the election and honestly that will probably continue to be the case for a little while#I’m also low energy because of health stuff 😒 I’ve got a doc appt it’s just months of waiting for it#so we’re doing what we can and trying to rest up#it’s gonna be about comfort things#also I will take time this weekend to make progress on calendar things! I’m hoping to have preorders up next week 🤞🏻
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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Oh shut up
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less of horrordust eating face and killer watches more of them mauling eachother. also killer watches
#horrordust need more beef smh#triglycercule werent you just months ago saying you loved domestic horrordust#a man can believe in two statements and have both of them be true#dust wants to be punished for what he did. horror doesn't. they both try to drag eachother down in the process#killer is a third entity entirely. arent they all seperate entities. yes but he's different for some reason idk#killer has that feeling of zoning out mid trio hang out but the other 2 guys keep chilling without you and it's lowkey nice#killer i love trios because i can just dissociate and stare at a tree while they entertain eachother sans#the horrordust beef would be mutual in my eyes WHAT DO YOU MEAN DUST HATES KILLER BUT DISMISSES HORROR#are we talking about the same horror here. the same horror that tricked his papyrus into feeding and eating human meat#the same horror that tricked HIS ENTIRE SNOWDIN into eating humans#the same horror that purposefully taunts and plays around with the humans he kills#the same horror that is KNOWN for being manipulative and unnecessarily cruel for no fucking reason#yeah dust would hate the shit out of him highkey#both of them have which one of us was justified in what we did competitions#winner: NOBODY (it's killer it's killer that ends up winning that fight)#i mean horror would hate dust too i feel like this one is more obvious#KILLING papyrus. KILLING the underground. not being able to withstand the resets instead of choosing to kill#oh horror would be so fucking insensitive about resets to dust and killer#hes never experienced it he wouldnt know how bad it was and him being him....... he's gonna be a DICK#i think horror would hate the concept of phantom papyrus too because like#it's proof that dust did kill paps and for some reason he likes this FAKE version more than the real thing????#dust should be sadder about killing paps in horror's eyes (technically EYE but wtvr)#they maul eachother and also eat face is the hidden 3rd part of this post. and this time killer joins#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I discovered these paintings by James McNeill Whistler recently, Nocturne in Black and Gold: Falling Rocket (top) and Nocturne in Black and Gold: The Firewheel (bottom). I’m sharing them because they make me think of Nevermoor, as so many things do.
With paintings, a nocturne refers to the depiction of night. This is derived from the musical term, where a nocturne refers to a musical piece that is “inspired by, or evocative of, the night.” These both just come from the fact that “nocturne” essentially means “of the night���.
On a basic level, this just reminds me of Nevermoor by the aesthetics. The dreamy nighttime setting strikes me the most, but also the sparks of yellow fire that make me think of Wunder. Think of how many important scenes happen at night- Morrigan on Eventide, the Museum of Stolen Moments, and the Hollowpox in Courage Square. But the concept has me thinking, obviously, about the Wundrous Art of Nocturne. The only songs we know are Morrigan and Squall’s, who both chose nursery rhymes as their Nocture. Their choices make me think of lullabies, sung at night… and there’s lots to think about with that.
#does anyone else see or understand my vision…..#nevermoor#nevermoor in the wild#another post from my drafts cuz I feel bad I have no art to share#only art history classes I actually took was animation history and then ancient and medieval so most of my info or knowledge from#anything later relies on me looking it up and seeing what research and info is online and etc etc etc#anyways. love whenever magic (of the wundrous arts variety) in nevermoor is compared to art or the process of making art. <333#I need to make a Pinterest / some other sort of site where I can share everything visually that reminds me of nevermoor. but also filterabl#and also where I can add notes for why different stuff makes me think of nevermoor or what I associate it with…..#bc I’m often sharing architecture in the discord but I also am always bookmarking clothes and stuff that I don’t share lol#I saw two clocks the other day at a history museum and also an alway thinking abt the Prague astronomical clock so my brain is always like:#‘wow just like the skyfaced clock :) nevermoor :)#circling back if anyone knows some sort of site like Pinterest where you can have bunch of images with notes and also filter between#different attributes pls lmk. I’m not a coder so I can’t think how to make smthn like that myself lol#I started this post like a month ago that’s why I don’t have anything better to say besides ending with ‘much to think about’ lol
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the only man i'd kill myself for
#i haven't done any art not for uni in a few months and it took a toll on me so i just fucked up my whole sleep schedule to do this. god#i don't even think that the final result is good but UGH THE PROCESS MADE ME FEEL SO GOOOOOOOOD#And he's smiling!!! smiling Luffy!!! I need to share him with everyone#one piece#monkey d. luffy#luffy#one piece luffy#straw hat luffy#monkey d luffy#khor sketch
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me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop
Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...
#me reassuring myself like#it's okay. look see? they can speedrun the genuine apology process too. see? yeah i know#i know#--/ art#L1_CAT#subpixels#alan becker#green influencer arc#ava influencer arc#(OHMYGO D BRIAN MADE IT??????? NO WONDER IT'S GLORIOUS?!?!?!?)#i don't think there will be- well no. that's a lie there will totally be more great works with these specific themes in the future . . .#because there will probably be these specific problems in the future. but W0w does it hit now.#not that long ago i know i was dealing with angst online. and that just. permeates everything. for *months*#what a shot to the heart !!! new weakness unlocked ! ! ! !#/pos ... yeah no it's. you know what i mean#ghhhhghh the imperfect files feeling defensive about not being included hhhhhhhhhhhhhh kindness to snarling creatures hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!#gonna need to rewatch this a few more times. at Least. hooh#ps: i have a vivid memory of reading a fic on ao3 that emotionally compromised me and i saw in the notes that the author said...#''[please trust me. i know what im doing c: ]'' or something that that's what they meant. it was either a doctor who or a good omens one.#and i did trust them. and the story continued being amazing. and they didn't let me drown in that space i found myself in.#i feel responsible for not letting myself get too far underwater like that- and i have succeeded.#and i also trusted Them (scriptors directors animators etc etc etc). and i am. safe#it feels like there was a wound here i forgot about that is only now beginning to heal. . . ... . . . . . .#i think ill be 100% ready to laugh about it in like. a year. for now we roll catharsis gang#a year is maybe too long. you know what i mean. arbitrary time unit. laundry minutes.
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If someone had told me that I’ll wrote fics about two idiots in love I wouldn’t have believed them.
If they added that I’ll write a long one, I would have said that I don’t have the skills.
Then, if they told me that I’ll write an AU fic I would have just said no because I barely read some, it’s not my thing (I feel dumb writing that) so why would I write that?
And finally, if they said I would be writing about my own life, about an old crush I had more than 10 years ago, and that I would write about true events that happened between us and replaced our names by characters of a silly little show I love, I would have said that it's weirdly specific but more importantly I would have simply laughed at them. But like a huge laugh.
Because yeah there's no way I'd write a fic like that!
#shameless of me to say that I think it's probably my best promo post ever#two months ago#I felt the need to write it#maybe it was because it was the beginning of summer#since this fic happens during summer holidays#but it's been ten years#so why?#I still don't know#but I wrote it#and I loved it#I love it#writing fanfic can help processing things maybe or whatever#au fic#long fic#destiel fanfiction#destiel fanfic#destiel fic#writing fanfiction#ao3 writer#finished wip#summer paradise#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#my destiel fanfic
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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😭😭
#BEHIND THE CODES SPRINGTRAP NOOO#Hi. im posting this here during a break from studying. i'll be back soon though#:]#i plan on making some springdad au animations in the future to better my skills#working on the au helped me get through some stuff irl and honestly im not ready to let go of it so soon#i'd say its different from the aftons suburb one. i had lost interest in it when it became some sort of shitpost#there is nothing wrong in having 'shitpost aus' but ig its not how i wish to view things#i do like ephemeral stuff#things that last for a while and that make you think 'woah. im glad i had the opportunity to see this' are always my favorite#aftons suburb was one of these cases#springdad au is going through the same path. but i trully believe theres more content to come from it#oh and about BTC?#i took a break from it. its been two or three months since that folder was last opened (and if i did open it. i didnt do anything)#its relatively hard to come up with good dialogs when theres also a need to comprehend how different characters express themselves#especially when said characters are older than you. or smarter than you in some way#some of them speak louder. while others will speak through their actions#thought i had to grow up a bit more to understand how these things work.#turns out. that mindset was blocking the whole creative process#anyway. its going to take a while#thank you for your patience
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Looking cute af in my psychiatrist's office today 💅
#thefatfemme#Didn't intend to be in Maya Kern everything but they're just all my favorites 😂#fatshion#Plus size fashion#Fat fashion#OOTD#Outfit of the day#What's fun is when I went in to do the usual 'the meds still working? ' 'yup still working' 'ok see you in six months' thing#My psych asked if I'd been feeling heightened anxiety or depression#And I went 'yeah but mostly about the US election and Palestine and the general state of things and I don't think that's my brain's fault'#And she goes 'nope that's understandable I'm there too do you need any med adjustments or help processing or are you ok' she's so good
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everyday i truly am haunted by ekky pulling up his shorts and pushing his thigh into his webcam to show off his cup tat and going "its just a little guy!"
#txt#listen yall i know its been a month but what the fuck man#i dont think ive properly processed that fully yet#like i know ive talked about it extensively#but i need to be more annoying about it actually#i was going through the clips in that interview i still havent transcripted yet and i saw that clip and i just yelled into my hands#like what was that about#it doesnt help one of the hosts go “let me see you” to encourage him to stand up and show it off#many thoughts#none of them fit for this website#sometimes you have to say “goodness gracious!” and move on before the thoughts consume you
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we talked a lot about how the incidents in delica absolutely broke ludger, but tbh, casey didnt come out of it unscathed either.
imagine how lonely you must have been to willingly travel to such a distant land just to see someone who was potentially like/similar to you. and when you thought you finally got a best friend who could understand you in a way that no one else could, they turned out to be something you would absolutely abhor with your entire existence. they gave no explanations. they bothered not with excuses. there wasnt even enough time for you to grieve what you just lost because they forced your hands to fight them in a death battle. without a word, they just simply vanished as if your friendship in the past few months meant absolutely nothing to them and you were left alone again, trying to navigate when and what went wrong all by yourself. there was a mix of burning hatred, betrayal, and sadness inside you, but there was no longer anyone for you to talk about it — no one that could understand it. you endured all those feelings for three years with no one to share while chasing after your old-best-friend-now-turned-archenemy for answers because they never gave you the closure you deserved.
even when you finally learned the truth, you realised that they had never trusted you nor your abilities enough to even consider working together. rather, they took on the most extreme measure and didnt hesitate to make you their biggest enemy all the while keeping all their troubles and pains to themselves. best friends, friends, friendly acquaintances, private detective and their client — it turned out that your relationship was neither of them. was it truly your one-sided assumption after all? or perhaps, was it because you failed them when you could have known better and done better? still wanting to keep believing that your companionship was once real, your guilt started gnawing on your conscience. not only you couldnt save them, but your inadequateness also doomed them to their worst fate possible.
then, the opportunity came. you finally mustered up all the courage to utter an apology. even though they acknowledged it, they made no intention to accept your peace offerings. they reminded, "our alliance is temporary". they stressed, "enemies are what we are destined to be". what a fool you were, trying to save a relationship that never existed. either that, or you had never truly been forgiven. they wanted nothing to do with you. they needed not saving by you. it wasnt a closure you wanted but its still a closure you got. in the end, you were left alone once more, with the knowledge of a possibility that you also might not be able to save them again this time.
#academy's undercover professor#academy's undercover professor spoilers#casey selmore#this is caseys pov. to her ludgers true feeling is an enigma because he auto crits on deception.#ironically i think casey was/is much lonelier than ludger.#when she was bedridden for a month ludger seemed to be the only one who came for a visit??? (feral fans dont count)#what was marias even doing????#ludger tends to think he is alone but he still has a lot of comrades openly caring for him.#even tho the delica incidents hit him hard he still at least had hans as his trusted emotional supporter.#meanwhile casey had to process everything by herself. there was no one holding her hands through it.#there is betty but i dont think she would be good at processing these complex and contradicting emotions that casey were having.#caseys going through the same thing ludger used to experience. the helpless feeling of not being able to save someone you most care about.#with the guilt eating her up under the right conditions she has the potential to become ludger 2.0.#personally i think the trigger would be ludgers self-delivered death.#it could break her for good considering how much guilt she already has over the delica incidents — the one event that changed everything.#anyway in conclusion casey also needs therapy. both of them need couple therapy.#aro ludgercasey propaganda#selmore's undercover husband
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