#i need a hug too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

auwuli · 2 years ago

Text

What happened, is that they switched teams and it had consequences.

Steve teamed up with Dustin to distract the demobats and Eddie went with Robin and Nancy to fry Vecna for good.

My inspiration : Don't go by BMTH ft. Lights

Steve asked to switch position last minute with Eddie because of a strange feeling in his guts. It wasn't fear. He knew what fear felt like. It's something he got to come across a lot in the last four years of fighting monsters and babysitting so many problem magnets. It was more of an intuition than anything, something that told him Eddie shouldn't be here. Over those years Steve learned to trust his guts to keep them alive, alongside swinging nailed baseball bats and throwing (mostly taking) punches. So, since this almost stranger that made him feel all sorts of confusing things was one of his people now, he got him to go elsewhere. Steve would do anything to protect his own. And awkwardly squeezed between Robin and Nancy, armed to the teeth, was the safest place he could think of for Eddie. He felt immediately more at ease. Yes, it was the right thing to do, undoubtedly.

“Don't try to be cute- be a hero or something.”

If Steve hadn't insisted they switched teams, if he could have listened to his own damned words... Eddie should have stayed strong against his worried puppy eyes and sweet tone, “look after the girls for me. Eds, Please.” He should have said “no Big Boy, we stick to the plan.” It was as simple as that. Eddie would have run. He would have. He knew he would have because that's what he did best. But no. “I'll make him pay” is what he boldly said in response before following the girls in the woods.

And then, Steve died in Dustin's arms.

Dustin refused to leave his body, asking him to wake up between strangled sobs.

Robin froze in place, silent, her eyes locked on the blood slowly soaking the ground.

Eddie chocked on a scream, his shaky legs giving out under the crushing weight of guilt.

And Nancy did what she knew Steve would have done. She swallowed down her own tears and screams to drag them out of there, to keep everyone alive.

Unfortunately, Vecna was a roach. Almost impossible to kill and disgusting. He survived. And they had to fight him again.

They erased him from the surface of every dimension eventually. Doesn't matter how. They made sure he paid double for what he did. However, it didn't bring back Steve. This, this is what mattered in the end.

Max woke up a few days after the final battle, blind and filled with so much rage after losing a second brother. A rage they all shared and fiercely kept close to their hearts even after Vecna's death.

The grey of the Upside Down still bled from wounds that may never fully close.

At least, they finally had the time and space to grieve and to attempt to heal those wounds. Mourning this death wasn't like anything they had suffered together until now, but they did their best.

Steve was their protector, a big brother, a hell of a babysitter, a bestfriend, a platonic soulmate, a first love, a something that will never have the chance to grow.

Loss and grief may drive people away from each other. Not them, or at least not forever.

The party split up for a while. Now that the world didn't end and they had a future to look forward to, everyone tried to get their life back. They all did great things and tried to not let the past slow them down too much. Steve would have been proud of his kids, his family.

He would have also understood their struggles.

Eddie and Robin were the ones that had the most troubles dealing with his death. Years have passed, yet, a part of them, and they couldn't really grasp how big it was, was still locked on slow spreading red and kneeling in grey dust.

They couldn't bear to be separated from one another since that day. They clung to each other with everything they had left of strength and love, trying to fight together the storm they were trapped in. Eddie was like the other half of her missing soulmate. And for Eddie, living with Robin was sometimes like experiencing a distorted echo of what could have been. They were platonic with a capital P, but they did everything together. Their bond was beautiful and thrived naturally outside their shared sorrow.

As for Nancy, she did what she knew Steve would have done. She stuck around the ones that needed her the most. She gave Eddie and Robin food when they forgot to eat. She reminded them to take their medications when they were being stubborn. She took everyone to his empty grave as much as they wanted. She tried her best to be there for them because they were her people. And if Steve taught her anything, it's that we take care of our own, no question asked.

Time passed again, Eddie and Robin craved to speak, to be heard. So they poured their fears, their pain, their happiness, and everything in between, in songs that seemed to resonate loudly around them. And when making music together started to become too serious for the duo to handle, Nancy became their manager.

The three of them had really fun days, as much as they had really bad days.

It was life. And it was more than Steve had.

So they made the most of it.

The kids and grown-ups always tried to show up at their shows as often as they could. Slowly, the band grew bigger and bigger, reaching more and more people everyday. People heard them. They listened. They cared. And it helped them heal, gave them a purpose.

Tonight, Eddie stands in front of a black sea of screams and hands thrown in the air. Older, longer hair, more piercings, even more tattoos. He didn't change that much. He lets himself take in this moment, his favorite, when they are blinded by spotlights, covered in sweat and quietly smiling at each other. Robin next to him is older too, hair buzzed, blue, bold make-up, a few piercings, tattoos Eddie himself put under her skin. She changed a lot more compared to him. She had always been beautiful, but she only glowed like that on stage.

The entire family is somewhere in the audience. It has been a year since they were all in the same place together. Even if it was hard to achieve, they always tried to meet once a year for this special day. It meant a lot for them.

It was extra special for Eddie because he was the only one that never got to celebrate Steve's birthday with him.

He is shaking from nervousness about the last song of the night, while Robin is crushing his hand in hers.

They never released it nor played it live until now. It's the song they wrote in spite of every progress they made against their torments and their intent to stay strong for their family. Their music is always deeply personal, but this one is different. This one is an unsung secret. It's something dark, disgraceful, raw and hungry that kept trashing relentlessly inside them.

Eddie was always shameful of the things he felt for a man he would only get to know through the memories of someone else, for a man that wasn't there to witness his love for him blossomed, for a man he would never be able to confess to. Those selfish feelings that he knew he didn't deserve to hoard were not something he was willing to let anyone hear about. Not even Nancy. Only Robin knew about the true colors of his shame and his guilt. But, well, Robin doesn't really count. She's not anyone. She is him. She is him.

Eddie takes a deep breath. They talked about it. He could be selfish and ugly and messy tonight, for the sake of both of them. Robin deserved as much as him to be truly heard.

All of them bare on the strings of his guitar and her violin. All of them bare for those who cared to listen.

“Hi again, we are Sacrificial Hero and we'll close the night with a special song. It's called Don't Go.

Sometimes we can't let go of things we never had.

Can you hear us?”

They hope their love can still reach him.

Until next time, until a second chance in another life.

115 notes · View notes

stevebabey · 2 years ago

Text

Steve hates to ask this of Eddie.

Really, it’s a last resort sort of thing. Robin’s gone for the week, some trip upstate with her family. And it’s fine, they’re close but Steve’s a big boy. He can handle a week without his best friend.

But, well, it’s just unfortunate for it to creep up on Steve when Robin’s gone. It being… shit, how did Robin explain it? She was so much better at keeping track of all those things than he was, all the terms filed away nicely in her head to be recalled as needed. Steve’s much messier— in his head, in his life.

Touch aversion, that’s what she called it. A by-product of the severe lack of touch in his childhood she had said; not enough hugs, hand holding, the works and now Steve’s grown to find it too strange. Something prickles under his skin, pulls in his gut all the wrong way, when someone’s too touchy-feely with him. Robin’s said it’s normal, and he believes her.

It just makes it harder when this comes by. That completely strange backward want that carves into his chest, creating a chasm that just aches. Suddenly, Steve wants to be touched, needs to be touched — like something behind his ribs is just begging for comfort in the form of touch, any way he can have it. Like some young part of him can still remember the hunger he had for it and it comes back in full force, a tender wound between his lungs.

It doesn��t happen that often — though, it’s more frequent than ever recently — but usually, Robin’s here. She can almost always tell before Steve works up the courage to ask. Twitchy fingers give him away. He hovers closer than normal, shoulders brushing more often.

She always gives him a smile, softer than her usual snark and says, “C’mere, dingus.” and stands on her tip-toes to envelope him in a hug. Steve can’t help but sink into it, gripping her close around the waist for as long as he needs until the hole in his chest feels a step closer to patching up.

Robin also tells him he can have as many hugs as he’d like but Steve is firm with himself; he only needs one, then he’ll be back to fine.

It what’s he needs now. One really fucking good hug. Still, he hates to ask, least of all from Eddie, because, well— okay, Steve has no reason to assume Eddie wouldn’t give him a hug.

He’s seen Eddie’s hugs before. Like everything he does, Eddie puts his everything into it- he hugs Robin til she wheezes, loves to lift Nancy off the ground, and the hug he gives Dustin is sweetest of all, a hand on the back of the littler’s head while he does some strange little sway. Dustin always laughs, playfully shoving him away by the end but Steve knows he loves them, that it helps in more than one way.

Steve is glad that Dustin has someone, besides his Mom of course, who can hug him, because Steve can’t give that to him. Maybe one day, but for now, hugs from Steve are a rarity — few and far in between. Maybe, he thinks, he doesn’t want to ask Eddie specifically because of that niggling feeling that comes up around Eddie, all gooey and soft. A feeling the swings too close to a crush that Steve has no fucking clue what to do about.

So, he hates to ask. Really. On the drive over to Eddie’s, a hangout organised before Steve started to feel the lack of touch creep in, he runs through any other options. Wait til Robin gets back? Steve’s not sure he’ll make it another 4 days. When left alone, it seems to consume him and make everything harder, everything heavier to deal with.

He’s still tossing it when he climbs the steps to Eddie’s trailer. Steve decides that he’ll see how it goes, see if there’s an opening to ask…semi-naturally or something. He’s not gonna spring it on the guy.

Eddie is wonderful company as always, devilish grins and god-awful comments about the film he picked. Steve feeds off it, drinking in the infectious energy. He tries to let it be enough; their shoulders pressed together, Eddie’s knee knocking his when he laughs, the way Eddie leans into his space to whisper even though it’s just them here tonight. Steve wants it to be enough. But even then, he can see the way his hands twitch in his lap, desperate for more.

Steve closes his eyes. Curls his hands up so tightly his nails bite into the skin. He tries to use it to wane off the feeling, the ache that sings out for Eddie beside him and it nearly works. Until—

“Steve? Y��okay?” Eddie’s voice pipes up, making Steve open his eyes in an instant.

“Hm?” Steve hums, hoping that his casualness will be enough for Eddie to skip over his peculiar behaviour. He blinks, tilting his head just a bit to show he was confused why Eddie was asking.

Eddie chuckles lightly, gesturing towards Steve’s lap, where his hands sit still clenched, white knuckled with his self-restraint. “You seem a bit stiff, that’s all.” Eddie rechecks. “You good?”

Steve opens his mouth and then closes it, forcing his hands to unclench in his lap. “I-“ he begins, then stops, unsure of what he was going to say. He did say he would look for an opening tonight. The way Eddie’s regarding him, open faced with his concern, is as good as he might get.

“This might sound a bit weird,” Steve starts, defensiveness already tingeing the words, his shoulders curling in just a bit. Eddie could say no. He’s allowed to say no. Steve really doesn’t want him to. “Like, if you think it’s weird, that’s totally fine and we can just, like, forget I said anything and—”

“Steve.” Eddie cuts him off, a linger of an amused smile on his lips. “I don’t think I’m going to find anything you say weird, sweetheart. Shoot. What’s on your mind? What troubles the great mind of Steve Harrington?”

God, it’s like a whole bunch of words designed to set Steve’s head spinning. ‘The great mind of Steve Harrington’ makes him want to scoff. ‘Sweetheart’ makes him want to swoon. He can’t decide which one he wants to do more.

“Can I-” Steve stammers, the words halting automatically. It’s too much of a habit to swallow them down. Coercing them out takes more work. He stares up at the ceiling as he grits his teeth, releases a harsh sigh, pulling himself together. “Can I… have a hug?”

There a moment of silence and Steve holds his breath.

“Oh,” Eddie breathes, and Steve takes his eyes off the ceiling to see just what that Oh means. Eddie’s smiling, a soft one gracing his pretty mouth, and Steve thinks, maybe, one day he’ll have the courage to ask for a kiss as well. Relief moves sluggishly through his veins— Eddie’s smiling, this is good.

“Well, of course,” Eddie grins widely and opens his arms, inviting Steve in. Steve hesitates for only a moment before he leans in gratefully, his arms tucking around Eddie’s midriff tightly. Eddie’s arms curl around Steve’s neck, pulling him in close. It’s the easiest thing in the world, sinking into it, so much that Steve tries his best not to immediately slump against Eddie. It feels a bit too pathetic, so Steve reels himself in. He can’t make his arms relax, trying too hard to take only what he needs and not a moment more.

“C’mon, Stevie.” Eddie’s voice teases beside his ear, his breath warm. “You call that a hug?”

He squeezes Steve a little tighter, pulling him even closer and Steve can’t help the way he melts into it— he slumps, leaning against Eddie properly and burying his quiet whine of relief into the juncture between Eddie's neck and shoulder.

“There we go,” Eddie murmurs comfortingly.

Eddie takes him wholly, gives a damn good Munson hug, all warmth and comfort. He smells like, well, Eddie — a lingering scent of weed, something musky, something Eddie. His arms around Steve’s neck shuffle and Steve worries he’s trying to pull away so soon, only for one of his hands to tangle in the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck. He combs through, light fingernails scratching at Steve’s scalp and shit, Steve really can’t control the noise of contentment that slips out his throat.

“Can’t believe you got so worked up just to ask for a hug,” Eddie tsks, tone coloured in disbelief. Steve makes a noise of protest, trying for a moment to wind it all back in but, like Eddie can sense it, he’s squeezing him tighter again. He begins to rock them, a soft sway side to side that lets Steve lean on him even more. He hums a tune Steve doesn’t know, low and soft.

“M’sorry,” Steve mumbles in reply, though he’s not entirely sure what he’s apologising for. For having to ask, for taking so much, for enjoying Eddie’s arms around him just a little too much.

“What the fuck for?” Eddie laughs lightly, one of his hands beginning to drum against the divots of Steve’s spin. It feels like he’s tapping pure delirium with each fingertip, shivers that make Steve’s chest glow terribly warm. It feels good, so good to be held and honestly, Steve could stay here all night if Eddie let him. Knowing Eddie, he would, because he’s that fucking nice.

That knowledge alone forces Steve to sit himself up, extracting him limbs even though so much of him mourns the warmth, the touch, that goes with it. He wants the touch but he’s had enough. Some scorned part of him burns bitterly to think Eddie would give him more just to be nice. Steve doesn’t want that— Steve wants Eddie to touch him because he wants to.

“Sorry, man, I just, uh, get like that sometimes.” Steve feels the need to explain, bringing a hand up to rub at one of his eyes. He does it half so can hide his embarrassed expression from Eddie— who’s looking at him so gently and still so so close.

“Just, aha—“ Christ, it wasn’t this awkward telling Robin. Steve’s hand moves to rub the back of his neck. “Sometimes I realise it’s been awhile since,” He gnaws on his bottom lip, something alike to humiliation curling in his gut. “Since I’ve had some touch. Usually, Robin’s around but y’know.”

He waves a hand, huffing another awkward laugh. Eddie hasn’t moved much, just listening intently, his brows ever so slightly inching closer together. He looks outright concerned at Steve’s next words.

“It’s okay, I’ve— I’ll be good now.” Steve nods along, like the motion will help him convince himself as well as Eddie. He’ll be okay now. Usually, one hug is all it takes. He ignores the surging tidal-wave want that is still going, still aching to be held by Eddie again. It would be selfish to ask for more. Eddie didn’t invite him around to hug— it’s weird, and Steve shouldn’t- can’t ask for more.

“Sooooo,” Eddie draws out the word, an impish smile beginning to play at the corners of his lips. He opens his arms wide again. “You don’t want another hug?”

In his lap, Steve’s fingers twitch. Eddie’s eyes dart to them for a second, before fixing back on Steve. He does, he really fucking does want another hug. He can’t. He’s had enough, really, it would greedy to have more.

Steve shakes his head, forces himself to huff another laugh that accidentally comes out as a strained sigh. He smiles weakly, “No, no, I’m good, dude. It’s… I’m okay, swear.”

For a moment, Steve thinks he’s convinced him. Eddie studies his face, his mischief slipping away as he deliberates Steve’s words. His eyes narrow, arms dropping just an inch before he smiles brightly and says, “Okay, can I have a hug then?”

Which, okay, right, Steve didn’t think of that. People don’t ask him for hugs. He blinks, a bit dumbly. Eddie is waiting, face eager and for a second there’s an expression of almost smugness on his face — like he’s about to get exactly what he wants. Because he knows Steve would never be rude and say no.

“I mean,” Steve breathes, voice a bit tighter than he’s expecting. He clears his throat. “Yeah, yeah, you can have a hug.”

“Great!” Eddie replies and he wastes no time. He’s all up in Steve’s space, arms around Steve’s waist this time. The motion takes Steve by surprise, enough that because he’s not expecting it Eddie’s weight pushes him back so he’s lying on the couch.

If Eddie cares, he pays no mind, his head curling up into the crook of Steve’s neck as he hugs him closer. His hair gets in Steve’s mouth, making him splutter for a second, but Eddie just grins, wriggling closer until they’re pressed firmly against each other. Steve would go as far as to say this is closer to cuddling than a hug, with Eddie squishing him from above, his arms around Steve’s middle.

“Just so you know,” Eddie’s voice rumbles from where their chests are touching, his breath sweeping across Steve’s neck. Steve shivers without meaning to, feels Eddie’s responding grin even as he continues. “All hugs requested by me are automatically 10 minutes long. Hope you’re okay with that, sweetheart.”

Steve isn’t stupid — he knows Eddie is doing it for him, doing it because he could see right through Steve’s stupid facade, had peered his yawning hunger for touch right in the face and hadn’t blanched. Instead of feeling tricked or fooled, Steve just feels…warm. Comfortable. He works his arms around Eddie’s neck til their more comfortable and find the courage in him scrape his fingers through Eddie’s hair— like he had done to Steve. Eddie’s sighs sweetly and Steve thinks he could listen to that noise forever.

“I’m… I’m okay with that.” Steve murmurs lowly, yet he knows Eddie can hear him. Eddie noses closer, a borderline nuzzle against his neck, and further down, one his hands starts to stroke softly up and down Steve’s ribs.

Steve can’t help the way it makes him freeze, the breath in his lungs holding tight as he tries to relax, tries to ignore the prickly feeling under his skin. It’s a lot. A lot of touch that Steve just isn’t used to just yet, even if he desperately craves it.

“Relax,” Eddie whispers into his skin, a soft instruction paired with the motion, one soothing stroke up and down his ribs. Steve pushes the breath in his lungs out, forces the tension out of his body, trusts that Eddie wouldn’t be offering— wouldn’t tell him to relax if he wasn’t allowed to.

“That’s it.” Eddie praises, feeling the body beneath him settle and sink a little lower into the couch. “Now, watch the movie.” Eddie instructs, jutting at the still playing screen with his chin. Steve laughs a bit, but obeys, turning his head to see what part they’d gotten up to. They’d missed a big chunk in their hug. Steve nearly apologises for it, the words on the tip of his tongue, before he decides Eddie might smack him for it.

So, he doesn’t. He watches the film, let’s the gentle touch of Eddie on his skin relax him til sleepiness starts to fill each of his limbs, heavy like lead. Eddie’s hand stops moving eventually, when his breath gets heavier, lulled by Steve’s scratch in his hair. A snore starts up, loud and quite frankly, annoying, and yet, Steve finds that with Eddie’s arms around him, he has no trouble finding sleep.

It’s the first time in years Steve’s fallen asleep in someone else’s arms. And even if he doesn't know it yet, it’s certainly not the last.

now with a part two!

5K notes · View notes