#i need a complaining tag.

[drreadnought]

the coughing sneezer with a slight fever #i'm going to personally smash a bottle of jim beam over the forehead of whoever got me sick

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[blondie-drawings]

Good lord this tomb is full of shitposts 😳😳 pt 1/pt 2

[corvidus-fr]

anyway i'm going to buck the trend here and say i specifically love these guys way more because of their teeny little arms and feet. ten out of ten design choice, very dainty and endearing

[thebarrows]

put them in a room together and no one will come out alive (●'◡'●)

[phleb0tomist]

society at large seems to want less people to have to use wheelchairs and mobility aids. yet the world is not set up to protect or accommodate people’s bodies at all. undue physical strain obviously worsens disability, and yet rest is a huge social sin, while hustle culture and ‘willpower’ are king. everyone is impatient toward people who can’t walk or stand for long. it’s ‘disruptive’ to stand in ‘weird’ positions or to need to reposition regularly. many jobs discourage or ban staff from working while seated, even if sitting doesn’t impact their job at all. this crap leads a lot of people to deteriorate to the point of needing mobility aids they wouldn’t’ve needed if only their bodies were given the respectful and liberating space they deserved.

hostile architecture & increasing lack of public seating, poor public transport systems, bizarre hatred toward anyone who walks slowly or clumsily or needs ‘extra’ rest, insistence that an average person should be able to work on their feet 12hrs at a time with only 20mins break... all of these things tip people from being technically able bodied to needing mobility aids. some of these things contribute to permanent worsening of people’s disabilities.

almost like the system is not built with people’s wellbeing in mind and is actually structured to force people to push themselves, so we all end up feeling responsible for our alleged inadequacies of willpower and health when we can’t keep up

[tiffanyachings]

it would have been very beautiful. camilla would have had to cook (horrible bone soup)

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

wear headphones :)

You know what? This ones like a lootbox, you gotta open it to find out... :)

Guys. I am not lying to you, the request for this one was innocent. He just wanted to do that.

text cannot accurately describe this, but I must try.

Transcription: Fuck. Fuck. *exhales* Shit. mmmm-ohohoho. God ffffffffffffffffuck. Kff-agh. Aghhohoho fuck-God! Hah. Mmh!

The video is over. Go away. Go on. Get outta here.

What do you think there's more video? Oh what, because you can see it in the little seek bar? You just assume there's more content to extrapolate here?

Well, there isn't. Tell you what. Go ahead if you really want more content so bad, you pig. Go ahead and subscribe then. That's the way to see more of it.

Now goodbye! I'm off to suck Minos' c-

*end transcription*

Don't tell anyone but this is actually 2 clips I stuck together.

audio source part 1 - context for the noises

audio source part 2

[midnightsjade]

go to this site, take the recommended quiz and post your top 3 results with % then tag your mutuals 👀

1. peggy olson - 87%

2. meave wiley - 84%

3. elizabeth bennet - 83%

tagging @graveyarrdshift @dumbandpoetical @justoosoft @sadgirlautumn @robinniko (no pressure but i thought this would be fun 😳)

[stiffyck]

okay so yesterday i complained about how i dislike fanon desert duo and how toxic and dysfunctional they always seem to be so here are my favorite ways to interpret desert duo:

1- totally in love and head over heels for each other. they love each other, they tease each other, they make fun of each other but its always in good spirits. they hold hands and kiss and theyre sweet.

theyre like the perfect couple.

2- the aro ace solidarity. everyone keeps telling them how cute theyd be togehter and how its so obvious they have crushes on each other and to just "tell him you like him!".

So at some point theyre like. "Should we... date?" so they try but it's so weird. Scar doesn't like the kissing, grian isn't particularly fond of hand holding, scar doesn't want to cuddle and it's just. More awkward than anything. The others tell them "finally" and "aw you guys are so cute!"

At some point when they're both alone- "Scar I don't want to date you." "Oh thank God me neither"

they keep calling each other "partner" and shit but they most of the romantic stuff. They talk shit about others. "Ew did you see that. They just kissed." "I know right? Unbelievable. We're right here."

[waywardmillennial]

Some thoughts on Steven's new show, and the hate that's been directed at him lately

spoiler alert: the tl;dr is that people's assumptions about the new food show being expensive meals aren't in the trailer and I'm happily subscribed to Watcher TV now!

One of the most awful things about this announcement has been seeing people attacking Steven specifically, and making a lot of assumptions about him. I (probably unwisely) spent a couple hours in the yt comment section and found things like this:

And then I saw this tumblr comment that do a wtf face irl:

Keith's new eating show is at Michelin star restaurants... to call that relatable and Steven not? Honey, that's either racism or some implicit bias you need to examine (I watch some TG content, it's fine to like Keith, but damn this take isn't it y'all)

But my main point is: No one said Steven and Andrew are going to be having expensive meals on the new show.

(yeah, remember Andrew is on the show too? but all hate is directed at Steven? isn't that interesting...)

That was Buzzfeed. This is Watcher. They aren't going to repeat themselves. Also, Worth It was about showing food across ALL price points, especially in later seasons once they had a more stable platform at BF. It was about giving chefs across cultures (especially Asian communities) a voice.

I re-watched the teaser for Travel Season, and I also signed up for Watcher TV (it was about $3.50/month with the annual discount promo) and I watched the full trailer for Travel Season. Guess what wasn't mentioned? Food at expensive price points.

Travel Season is going to be six episodes per season, all in one location, focusing on food and experiences that place has to offer. This is more economical from a production standpoint, because the team can travel to a location and shoot episodes in a batch. Similar to how they can get four episodes of TMS filmed in one night. Sounds like they are approaching Travel Season in a smart and efficient way.

stills from the trailer on WatcherTV.com

Sure, maybe they'll try some higher priced dishes at some point, but Travel Season is about culture and food - not about clickbait titles for Buzzfeed where they need to have $1,000 ice cream. If you've seen the food content Steven's made at Watcher (Homemade, Grocery Run, Eat Like Me) you know he cares about highlighting the connections between people and food, to share cultures and ideas with the viewers.

I am supporting Watcher's new endeavor, and hope they can make it work for more of their audience over time. Some people choose to pay $4.99/month for a Twitch sub to support one creator - which is their right. I am spending $5.99/month (but actually much cheaper for this first year) to support an entire company. If this works, Watcher could bring on other creators, as they've wanted to all along, and hopefully usher in an era of entertainment from a diverse group of independent creators.

Yes, Steven Lim took on the role of CEO of Watcher Entertainment recently, but the other founders still have an active role in the company. Like it or not, they all had a vote in making the switch to a streaming service. Singling out Steven in comments like those above isn't a good look for anyone.

[bbnibini]

I find it so painfully heartbreaking that Solomon just...laughs off all the derision, the name-calling, and possibly even did "evil" things on purpose because it's expected of him at this point. (He had not always been like this as Thirteen pointed out before). There was a time when he was "innocent". When his soul sparkled. When it resembled the kind of soul everyone in these god forsaken (pun intended with spite) three realms seemed to associate with the ever loved MC. He's just...worryingly carefree. And because he's like that, he feels even more of a tragic character to me.

Sometimes it even seems that he himself would seemingly make up excuses on why he's hated. Oh, it's because I'm a sorcerer this. I might have won a war against Devildom single-handedly this. I have forgotten. But maybe, I did something bad, that. Hon, you were doing that to SURVIVE. You don't have to be a faultless person to deserve compassion. You don't have to be MC to deserve to be loved.

[emomomortal]

HEYYYY

here's a colored in sari :3c sorry for not posting a lot i swear i have more. She gets to be the biggest troublemaker ever i love her

[anistarrose]

You have to stop fighting over which of the perfectly reasonable candidates should take in the sweet parentless child at the end of the story. I'm very sorry, but it's killing me personally. Physically. I have a very rare condition.

When you point at two-plus characters who'd absolutely be willing co-parent, yet you act as though they're incompatible a priori because they're not romantically involved or anything, it shaves another day off the end of my life, and yes the pain is agonizing. You don't wanna do that to me, right? I'm just a little guy! Who happens to think nuclear family is overrated — but you don't wanna put me in an early grave, right?

You don't want me to crumble into dust, right? And blow away in the hot air from arguments about why THIS monogamous couple are [Character's] true parents, unlike that couple's friends who would totally co-parent with them, no questions asked? You don't want me to perish from second-hand stress, after hearing people say that single parent doesn't get to have a community of anyone who's equally important in their child's life!

Oh, just thinking about it makes me feel old and weary. I require an immediate transfusion — of friends co-parenting, of siblings co-parenting! Or polyamorous partners co-parenting, or queerplatonic partners co-parenting, I'm not picky! A found family themselves co-parenting, or even a community co-parenting, gosh that's a novel one! Just stick it right in my arm, doc. Thanks for all that you do. I will leave this mortal coil if that child has any less than four parents bare minimum.

[microtyalm13]

everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.

how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.

how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.

how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.

how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.

and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.

[venice-1987]

An annoying phenomenon I've noticed

Alternatively: Whatever you do, don't go onto the TDP reddit

(Alternatively, let people ship things)