#i mourn places like people no matter how badly i want to move on

[willowfey]

i love waking up with an anxiety bellyache every singe morning for months on end why wouldn’t i i’m having so much fun ❤️

[lovelornronnie]

(Click to enhance teh quality!!)

A piece I made for my fanfic "Paliperidone"!! You can read it here!! or click more on this post

"Paliperidone"

It was stormy nights like this that left Edd restless. Tossing and turning in his bed, trying to put his racing mind at peace as the booming sounds of thunder ensued. The hard pitter-patter of the rain came pouring down ever so violently, making a white noise that most people found comforting. But for him? It was what kept him up so badly at night.

It was nights like these that always made his thoughts race. The raging sound of the storm reminded him of the aftermath of the incident. The rumbling sounds of the storm sounded oh so similar to the explosions that emanated from the giant robot after Tom had launched that good-for-nothing harpoon that proved itself useful, the sounds of muffled rain outside his apartment sounding almost as reminiscent of the sound of the debris from said robot that came crashing down, scattering from each other as it fell. And the worst part? It made him think of when Tord came back to them, back to him.

He couldn't help but lay awake that night, his eyes so concentrated on staring at the ceiling as if there was anything worth looking at on it as his restless mind thought of that fucking traitor. The traitor that he still cared about, the one that he still worries for. Edd wonders what his life is like now, how he thinks of Tom for almost killing him, of Matt who overloaded his robot's system with his button mashing, of his self who genuinely cared so much, who wanted him back so badly... and for also joining in the button mashing with Matt.

He hated every thought that correlated to Tord, but it was something he just couldn't help. He felt so betrayed by himself for thinking that he finally moved on, finally didn't care, finally didn't yearn for that bastard. But tonight? It was as if he was back to square one, learning how to let go and move on. It made him feel so fucking awful, deep to his core. Because why? Why would he want to worry about someone who hurt his friends? Someone who hurt and betrayed him, with a ruthless smile on his face as he flew away into the sky? Someone who left almost everything he loved into a pile of rubble and dust, and killed the only tolerable neighbor that he had?

These questions were so unanswerable to him, that no matter how much he tried, he was only ever left more and more clueless. And even when he thought of an answer that was good enough to explain it all, it only made him feel sick. So he concluded that no answer would ever suffice. Eventually, on another stormy night, he'll find himself asking the same set of questions over and over again like a broken record player- feeling sick time and time again as he reaches yet another false conclusion.

Then a different kind of thought surged through, one that questioned all the things he wanted to come true. What if Tord came back to him for good and never left? What if he never made that giant robot in the first place, so that he had no reason to come back and leave him more broken than he ever was? What if they just...lived happily ever after? All together in one house having silly adventures and getting into all sorts of trouble? Edd yearned for the good old days and mourned for all the things that never happened.

The more he thought of it all, overanalyzing every bit of Tord's behavior and comparing it to the time when they were together and to the time that he went back, all the memories of them together from the first time they met, to the last time they ever saw each other. The stupid hypothetical questions he still clung to that he hoped would at least come true in another timeline. It made him feel so vulnerable. The tears in his eyes threatened to stream down his cheek, his face burning from the stress.

Edd sobbed his stupid heart out quietly, as the walls that separated him and his friends were thin enough that if he were to cry any louder, one of them would start frantically knocking with worry and annoyance. But then again it didn't matter how quietly he cried, as the rain was loud enough that it drowned out his miserable crying.

After crying for what felt like hours, he was left there sniffling, as small beads of tears formed and rolled down his face now and then. His cheeks were stained with tears that he didn't bother to wipe off as he lay there motionless. Echoes of a headache slowly disappeared, as the thoughts in his head started to ease in and stop. And for once tonight, he was at peace even as the storm violently raged on outside.

...

He then got up from his bed, thinking now was a good time to freshen up and wash the tears off his face. As he walked to the bathroom, he felt an odd wave of anxiety cover over him the closer he got to the bathroom. It made him dread something, but what? An intruder? His apartment was pretty secure, with cameras everywhere and a night guard in the lobby.

So why? Why was his stomach churning, as if swarms of butterflies were flying so violently around in him? He couldn't understand what was happening, why he was feeling like this. The closer he inched to the bathroom, the more anxious he felt.

Merely inches away from the door. He felt queasy, chest heaving and struggling to breath. There was nothing for him to be so nauseous and tense of, he felt that his fears were irrational and he was right. So why was he still feeling this if he knew it wasn't real? A gut feeling perhaps? Maybe his body was warning his mind of something it was yet to notice.

The last time he had a feeling like this was when Tord came back, or at least a couple of hangouts later after he came back... Wait.

Tord???

Tord.

No. It can't be. That's not possible. He was gone and he was never coming back...unless?

...

Unless he came back for him. Yes, yes that's it... He came back to apologize.

To make up for destroying everything. He's here to stay forever.... with him.

...

Yes, that's it. This explains the butterflies...his thoughts. How could he be so blind? This was the missing link! It was Tord! And he was finally back again, the real him.

Edd panicked the longer he stayed there at the door, his head full of thoughts of how this was all gonna go, and how he should react. Should he be happy, sad, or angry? How would Tord react? Would he be happy too? The more he thought of it the more of a wreck he was, shaking, breath ragged, sweating.

He finally reached for the doorknob with his sweaty palm, twisting the knob... he slowly opened it...

He couldn't hear any movement, no breathing. The bathroom was full of eery silence, and it only made Edd more anxious.

Finally gathering the courage to open the door, he swung it open enough for him to have a whole view of the bathroom, and there...

... was nothing.

Edd desperately looked around the bathroom, trying to find anything that was odd. If the shower curtain had moved 3 inches to the left if the window was opened by a little if the toilet seat had always been closed... but nothing

Tord was never there... and he never will be.

He looked to the ground and saw something knocked down on the floor.

It was a translucent orange bottle, his prescription for his schizophrenia.

[kelzthalassunwhisper]

Reflecting on the past year, what is the most memorable moment that's happened for Kelz'thalas, or what has been the wildest?

The most memorable moment would be connecting with her father, Adonis. For many years he's become reclusive and closed off to outsiders and family. And with Kelz'thalas' return to her family, she's been steadily chipping away at that wall he put up. But it was when she had that breakthrough - that was an incredible scene to write with @grumpyoldfker.

Here's a snippet of the exchange:

The question she first posed rumbled in the back of his mind, as did many other things. He furrowed his brow slightly at it. Had he not explained it before? Had he not made it clear? Clearly not. Then, he realized, he had never explained it clearly at all. When she said his name and recalled her accomplishments, he turned his head towards her and arched a brow. "I am well aware of what you have done and what you continue to do. You are a Warrior. A Commander. It is expected..." he then turned to face her entirely, his broad shoulders leaning forward. A lesson was to be taught here. "You expect recognition? Praise?" he shook his head, "this is the level that is -expected- of you" he raised a finger as if silently commanding to halt whatever reaction she might have to his words. "You are a force, child. I have raised you to be as such... a leader. One that I had hoped your brothers would follow in..." He lowered his gaze and sighed, "You still have much to learn" Clearly, he also knew of her blunders "and when you do learn you'll not receive praise for it. You will be expected to do more. That is the trait of all creatures that go beyond their limitations..." he lifted his eyes once more, "but do not think that this old soul's heart is so cold that he does not have a measure of pride for his only daughter." ---- What had formerly been a matter of nerves and uncertainty now shifted to frustration and disappointment. Her eyes narrowed as she heard his response to her accomplishments. Despite being aware of these matters, he did not live them. He wasn't there for her, so what did it matter if he knew? She wasn't wanting acknowledgement of the deeds in the sense of doing them. She wanted him there. "Father with all due respect... I know this is a thankless job. No matter how much you put yourself out there and do a world of good for everyone, it's taken advantage of. But you and I have a different relationship, or rather... we should." Her voice was strained with growing emotion as she hadn't noticed the hand that now braced on the table's edge while she spoke. She didn't realize that it had dug so deeply into her soul that her body was cowed into reacting. Though his follow-up comments stung just badly and she kept her gaze on him. "Yeah, because the person who could give it to either of us is dead! The one person who knew how to show love and compassion to us is gone! I never got to mourn her, and you aren't the only one who feels her loss, father! You think I go on doing my job because it's an expectation?! I do it because I want to give people hope and know there will be a better tomorrow! You can't lead with discipline and adherence to policy or traditions alone. We can harden our resolve to be a force in itself, but without compassion, we are no better than those that would take it away!" She had at this point rose and sought an elevation above his eyes as he often put her in the same tier of those, he saw beneath him. She did know her place as a leader, and she had often navigated the path of caution when it came to him because of her admiration and respect for him as the Patriarch. But their house couldn't move forward if she let that be the only presiding factor. "We need people to like us too. I know I need to learn more. But you have taken the route of least resistance so that my experiences would be shaped in the worst of fashions. To say you have pride in me after a lecture does not amount for what I know I deserve from you." Her body had visibly trembled, and her lips formed a tight line as tears raced down the length of her cheeks. "I want you to teach me, Dad. I'm not your enemy. But I shouldn't be something that you should hone to lose too. You need to trust me too. Or we're going to lose everything again!" --------------

Adonis' face went tight. His eyes looked at his daughter in warning... she was crossing into a dangerous path. It was that moment when she mentioned the fallen Matriarch that his eyes went wide and his nostrils flared. Old, buried wounds were reopened. Old pains were reapplied. He felt a torment twist within him that he had thought he had long since hidden and it was at that moment that he understood that burying something and ignoring it did not make it go away... in fact, it would grow and fester and rear its ugly head much like it did now. Then... rage. He would fight this. He -had- to. He could not take such words from his own daughter... she was meant to listen to -him-. Her words, the emotion behind them, fuelled his anger. But he hung onto that anger in desperation as it other emotions clawed at him. No it is a weakness. They are all weaknesses. He shot to his feet and curled his lips back into a roar. The Light answered his call and drove its strength into his fist as he drove it into the table. The table effectively shattered at the impact point, buckling from his blow and sending the cutlery and utensils flying to the ground. He lifted his eyes at his daughter with a paternal fury. She is perfect. The voice. That voice echoed in the back of his mind. I shouldn't be something that you should hone to lose too. His daughter's words reverberated back and echoed for what felt like an eternity. Whatever rage, whatever anger he felt was suddenly sapped from him. He looked at her and didn't see the woman before him. He saw the small baby within her crib reaching out to clasp his outstretched finger, he saw the small girl playing with her brothers in the courtyard, and he saw the young warrior swing a sword for the first time. He saw her. He saw his kin. His breathing was ragged as he pushed past the debris and fell to one knee as he levelled himself to her seated height.... He ignored the hushed whispers, the scowls from the staff, the rumors that would swell from this moment. He focused on her... and his arms reached out to clasp his arms around her, pulling her into his large frame. He blinked back the tears that threatened to flood his cheeks as he whispered: "I can't lose you too...."

As for the most wildest? That was definitely the narrative I wrote labeled "Fruits of Loop." Again, for context here. I attended the Succulent Tart show on Kelz'thalas "All I want for Winter Veil" alongside Madame Naralinthe Emberdawn. While there, Greatfather Winterveil was handing out gifts. My understanding is that the pets and things could be associated as plushies and what not. But I took a spin on it to say, Kelz received a pet toucan. So, after getting shitfaced, she brought it into her family's estate and left it in her father's study - demanding that it had a place to live there since it was given to her by 'Greatfather Winterveil.'

If you haven't read the story - you can check it out here.

But yeah, I'd say that was pretty wild how she got home and went through the motions of 'convincing' her father to keep the damn bird. Though he had a response to that as well in his excerpt titled "De-Looped." You can read it here.

As always, it's a pleasure to get an ask from you @safrona-shadowsun - Hope this sates your curiosity for the ask!

Tagging @grumpyoldfker & @themadamelioness for the mentions and to thank them for this roleplay journey we have been embarking on with growing characters in a more story-driven and compelling fashion. It's been revitalizing to write like this again <3

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 53

Fresh Blood/Army of Ghosts

"Fresh Blood"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: no one died in the Bella and Gordon meetup, but if you’re asking if I would survive a vampire attack….not without Sam and Dean there

Wait…do we get Bella AGAIN?? Thank you. Thank you so much, writers. Don’t like that Gordon’s ambushed her

“Sam Winchester’s the antichrist” is just a sentence that’s said with utmost seriousness in this show. I love it here

Bestie is not just morally gray. She’s morally gunmetal. Morally charcoal. (And yet I still think she’s not truly going to betray the boys, but she sure is gonna look like she is)

Nah, I’m with Sam here, that was too close, Dean. You can’t be….if you get turned into a vampire, will the hellhounds have any affect on you?? Asking for a friend

I want this vampire to be lying so badly. I want her to absolutely fool them. Why do I want this??

And immediately taking that back “there was this guy. He was old. Like, 30.” Girl, you are at LEAST 25

How does JPad give the coldest, deadliest stare and also the saddest puppy dog eyes? He’s done both in this scene.

Man. I know Dean just threatened to kill Bella with all the seriousness in the world, but I’m still holding out hope for something else

Wait…is this how/when we lose Gordon as an antagonist? OH SHIT. Gordon got turned into that which he hates most. Maybe don’t taunt a vampire who has you captive….I dunno. I’d like to read a paper on the treatment of Gordon in the show, though. There’s probably a lot of commentary that could be made about him

Vampire Gordon is even more terrifying

Mmmm, original vampire should have killed Gordon when he had the chance. Mourning the loss of your new vampire daughters was the price he paid. It’s no wonder he’s begging Sam and Dean to kill him

Maybe it’s that this season is particularly short, but every single episode has had a monster or victim really twist the knife on what what the Winchesters are feeling about the deal Dean made

Oh that was pure tragedy watching Gordon kill his hunter buddy.

I’m glad Sam’s FINALLY confronting Dean about this. About how Dean’s been acting like his life doesn’t matter at all since he’s only got a year to live (less, now). Catch me crying in the break room. “I wish you would drop the show and just be my brother again.” I can’t do this…(because I’m having Todobros feelings about it)

Gordon…you didn’t have to bring innocent people into it…(I can’t wait to try to find some good writing on Gordon)

RIP Gordon. You deserved better from the writers room.

Not handling it particularly well that this is genuinely the best Dean can do to just be Sam’s brother again: teaching him how to fix the impala because he’s gonna need to learn how to…

"Been On My Mind...": Nah.

"Army of Ghosts"

I'm...not ready to say goodbye to Rose.

Also, it's downright CRUEL of the Doctor to ask her how long she's going to stay with him. He knows the answer isn't forever. He knows it CAN'T be forever. So asking is just mean for both of them.

I don't know how long Rose has been gone for, but...it feels like the world got really comfortable with "ghosts are real and we are going to treat them like nothing happened" REAL QUICKLY.

It's times like these I miss Mickey. He never would have put up with this.

OMG they moved from "ghosts are real" to integrating them into everyday life to WRITING TV EPISODES WHERE GHOSTS ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST REALLY FUCKING QUICKLY. TWO MONTHS?? IT TOOK TWO MONTHS???

hOW...I'm not here actually complaining about Freema being in this episode, but it feels odd to have her here THIS CLOSE to when she becomes the next long term companion.

These episodes and the ones in the parallel universe are the biggest ads for wired headphones I've ever watched. They really make me never want to get a set of airpods, I'll tell you that much.

Ew, Jackie. No. Just because Rose has gone places, seen things, had life experiences you never got to doesn't mean she's not still HER. I'm sorry you miss your daughter and the person you remember her being, but THIS? is not it. Talking about how she'll be a strange woman in a marketplace some galaxies away in 40 or 50 years time, but she won't be Rose Tyler. As if we're meant to stay the same way our whole lives, never learn or grow.

All THAT said, Jackie and the Doctor should get to sass each other more often.

Ew. Really don't like Yvonne...

The sphere does not exist. It seems like it exists, like it's just right there when you look at it. And it's in a special room in Torchwood built just for it, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not. But it does not exist, according to Rajesh Singh and his team of Torchwood scientists. Existence is tricky.

(Related: Is watching Torchwood worth it? Or is it full of people like Yvonne? I never got into the spin offs for Doctor Who. I know Jack's in it and there's a guy named Iago(? something close to that, iirc) and...another person to round out a trio of main characters. This has turned into that "no I love all my children equally. There's [correct name], *looks at smudges on hand* [close but incorrect name followed by increasingly incorrect names]")

OMG I WAS JUST SAYING HOW I MISSED MICKEY!!!! AND NOW HE'S HERE!!!

Scary that it only takes three people to fuck up the entire operation. I'm not saying that the way Torchwood was handling this was right or that they actually had things under control (they didn't, but it looked like they did. and to them, it felt like they did). But it took just three people being somewhat turned into cybermen to bring the sphere into actual existence and then bring the rest of the cybermen along with it.

I'm loving this new confidence Mickey has. Love that he can be just friendly with Rose. He's not clingy anymore, he's not guilting her for going of with the Doctor anymore. He's his own man, and I'm proud of him.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT WAIT WAAAAAAIT!!! IS DOOMSDAY THE EPISODE WITH THE DALEKS VS. CYBERMEN EXCHANGE I LOVE SO MUCH??? Oh, not to wish my weekend away (especially with the everything else that happens in that episode), but...........

[tuillenius]

We’re are the manners going to?!?

Me and my sister. We were talking about humans in 2024. She is trying to sell, these animals and there’s really something wrong with the manners of people’s! You can’t tell someone, u meet them at 12:00 someday and then not even plan to tell them your not going! Only fine out by asking them… They mention, they not coming… WTF is that?!? How do these kindawa folks live with themselves? What makes them think it is okay to do that? I was born in the 80’s and NO ONE WOULD DO THAT THEN! It was considered a really dick move! Everyone would have shunned that dick, for sure… There’s a new trend. It started in covid times, going on, in 2024. Been going on in the online world.( Especially noticing it in, the place I sing in… But it is happening every place in online, for sure!) Peoples think, a person behing the other side of the screen, don’t matter. I used to know a woman 30 years older to me, I thought we were friends 10 years. She just decided in the worst time of my life. To desert me. I asked why in message. She never told why. I would mourn the loss, like any decent human would. She can completely take other humans as “pixels.” Or something. I think these folks, have a cold-heart. They have it closed and peoples like me walk with their heart in their sleeves. This is not a very good trend. To treat peoples like they don’t matter! I will always do like my sister! Treat everyone with manners and like I would in real life! I will not give up my manners, just because, it is easy to be rude or crude. Careless, selfish, online! No one, who does it online, would have the guts, to treat a real life human that badly. So why do they think it is okay to do it online? I shall be decent. I shall be nice! I shall be the change. I want to see, in the world. Regardless, of other peoples coldness. They have the right. To do that mistake. Just like I have the right, to be the opposite. Have a great day. If u read this.

[thepresentdayandtense]

I have always struggled with keeping people in my life. I didn't have the proper tools for emotional regulation. I was bullied really badly when I was younger and that leaked into my young adult and adult life. my home life sucked too. to keep it simple, I was a mess. I wish things were different for me. I find myself wondering if I had been raised differently how much more peaceful my life would be. that maybe if I got the help I needed or the medicine I needed that I would have lived a much more peaceful life. that I would be normal. confident. I just didn't have it in this life. and as much as I've tried, and believe me I've tried, I just think it may be too late. no matter how much I try to suppress the neurotic and sensitive part of me, it always perserveres. always leaks out. I am better now however. I think dropping people who were dragging me down helped a lot. I still find myself taking things personal though. and being overly forgiving. idk where this was going. I meant to write about Sama. and it's crazy to think we were only together for 2, then slightly another 2, then slightly but less another 2. and now it is over and done. no more 2s, no more half open doors, it's completely closed.

being cruel to someone who isn't even here anymore. not fighting fire with fire. just lighting it on fire when it is already burned. there's nothing to light. but it will burn.

I mourned you, Samy, for so long. I think a part of me still mourns. I don't think anyone will understand how much I mourned. and it was full mourning. It was one of the biggest losses of my life. and to know that I loved something so much, for so long, and now we are both cruel. hurts. the love we had was dark and painful. but for some reason I loved with wide hopeful eyes. but then I got dark and painful too.

I couldn't sleep in my room when we broke up. I am not sure why. I physically couldn't. I love knowing the why to everything - figuring out the science and logic behind it. rationalizing it. but I couldn't really figure out why I couldn't be in my room. all I knew was that everytime I went in there I winced. and stood in one place for long periods of time just staring. I could only really be there during the day time, it was the only time I could handle it. and as I type this I am reminded of a similar situation of my old house in portside. I believed there was a jinn haunting my room and it got so bad that I would be scared to even be in there at night. I could only have the courage to go during the day. I guess it felt like you were haunting it too, in a way.

I was finally able to move back into my room one night after talking to you on the phone. I think this was about a week later. but I could sense you just wanted to move on. I wasn't able to sleep for months. I woke up in a panic a lot with my heart palpitating. I would wake up with a hole in my chest every morning. I could just feel you missing. I had to face a lot of physical anxiety and I'm surprised my body didn't just give out. but I guess it did a lot of times, as there were days where I just couldn't do it. God I was so sad. but then things started getting better, the hole slowly went away. but yet you still took up so much space in my heart.

but that was the problem. you took up so much space in my heart and it wasn't reciprocated. you only loved me when I was leaving you. only loved me when we went long periods without talking. only loved me when you missed me. there's a saying that goes

"you can love someone so much, but you'll never love someone as much as you miss them."

and I feel like that was your love for me. the guilt of yourself was keeping your love for me alive. that isn't love.. that is bargaining. you don't have to bargain anymore. I don't have to forgive you to move on. we can end on bad terms and still move on with our lives with peace. we have to. no more guilt and shame. if that's the only reason you liked me, I don't want it. love isn't supposed to run on guilt. you're not supposed to feel like you owe me something. love is supposed to be free flowing and natural. not something you exchange lessened guilt for.

and maybe you were fond of our memories, and the sad thought that those memories will never happen again. but you were never truly fond of me. me as a person. you found me neurotic, annoying, insecure. you always felt you could do better. but you loved me in your own way. I think. I still am not sure, and I wish I was.

I wish we had a simple love. a love where I know you loved me, it just didn't work out. but instead I got unrequited love. it would make it easier on my heart to think, yes you loved me, but we didn't work out. but that's not the Truth. the Truth is your Love for me maybe wasn't real. but I don't like to say that or think it. because that's a disrespect to your Love. and who am I to say your love wasn't real when you know how you love. it's more nuanced and I shouldn't generalize. I wonder if our Love(s) for eachother ever got sad when they saw us fight. It's funny to me to think that our Loves are separate entities sometimes looking at us and rolling their eyes at each other when we fight. does that make sense ? I know that's stupid lol.

I know you have let go. I know you are looking for someone who is good enough for you. to you, I wasn't. but I am good enough. and I hate that I let a boy with his own issues make me feel this way. I can't remember the last time I cried as hard as I did the night you threw my lost friendships in my face. It was so premeditated that comment. a long paragraph reminding me of my failures. a long paragraph written to hurt me. and it did. I have lived my life second guessing if I was being too sensitive about those people I let go of. and I had finally come to a place where I felt good about cutting those ties that were holding me back. cutting those ties that were making me feel awful about myself. and then I had the person I loved, who I considered a friend, bringing me right back to second guessing myself. to thinking I am the problem, I am the failure, I deserve to be let go of. no matter how much I vented to you about this, no matter how much you knew it hurt me, you threw it in my face. so easily. its funny, how something a person takes 2 minutes to type can just ruin the other persons world in that moment. I read "and while I'm here, ima be even more disrespectful back since you're disrespectful" (paraphrasing) my heart dropped because I had no idea what was coming next, just that I knew it would hurt. and it did. my eyes were practically swollen shut in the morning from crying so much. you don't deserve forgiveness. in any aspect.

you were hurt, so you went the lowest you possibly could go. I hope you feel good about yourself. I hope you get all the girls you ever wanted, and not have to keep leaning on your dumb ex you don't even like to make yourself feel better. you tried so hard to make me hate you, and it worked. good job, you got what you wanted.

[rpvlix]

💄 - Is there a past relationship your muse wishes they could have changed?

🥀 - Do they handle breakups well? - Asti, Braso

Romance questions

💄Braso

Honestly? Not really. He's been around a while, sure, but he hasn't really let himself get very invested in many relationships. He's always moved on from places rather quickly, having his fun and getting gone to the next adventure. Other people get the same treatment. And he hasn't really sat and thought about this long enough to have any regrets. I'm sure there were plenty of people he could've had something really special with, if he'd sat down and tried. But he really tries not to look back. Nothing good back there.

🥀Braso

Probably. Technically it hasn't happened in this iteration of the canon, not a real breakup, of course. But, in a past life, his wife left him. And he was... Weirdly apathetic about it. On the outside, anyway. Inside he was a mess, but he didn't want to put that emotional pressure on her, worried it might manipulate her into acting in his favor. I do think this is still in line with his current iteration, he would much rather minimize his own experiences to make things easier for other people. If you say you do not want to see him again, you won't. He will stay out of your hair at absolutely all costs. No matter how much he wants to be by your side.

He doesn't take things too badly though, sure he will be sad. He'll probably have regrets. A lot of them. But he'll get back on the horse no problem when he's finished mourning the loss.

💄Ast

Oh, plenty. It is rather often that Ast will involve himself with some random entity, someone Ast though was a lesser being or some such, only getting with them for some quick entertainment. Well, Ast's standards are fairly low, despite what Ast may think, and all it takes is some praise for Ast to be eating out of your hand.

And there are times, in the low points, when Ast reflects on some of these relationships and thinks... Maybe it was better with them. Maybe it could've worked out if only this or if only that. Maybe it was worth sticking out despite all the small complaints adding up. Just for that feeling back.

🥀Ast

Yes and no. It depends, it depends... Throwaway relationships that Ast farms for drama? Absolutely, yeah, handles them like a champ. But he'll complain as much and as loudly as possible to anyone within earshot, sobbing aesthetically in scenic locations, just hoping someone will come by and ask what's wrong.

If Ast was genuinely invested in this one, absolutely not. Ast will act fine. The worse it hurts, the more normal he will try to be. It would be giving someone too much power if they were able to hurt them. Even if they did, Ast can't acknowledge it.

[islamic-scholars]

Someone had told me about grief

1. No matter how prepared you think you are for a death, you can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.

2. You can plan for death, but death does not always comply with our wishes or plans.

3. “Stop avoiding and be present.”

4. “Dying is not like you see on TV or in the movies. It is not peaceful or prepared. You may not have a spiritual or meaningful moment. It’s too real.”

5. A hospital death is not always a bad death.

6. A home death/hospice death is not always a good death.

7. “There will be pressure from others to move on, even minutes or hours after a death, and this can lead to regrets”.

8. “Death is not an emergency. There is always time to step back and take a moment to say goodbye.”

9. Death and grief make people uncomfortable, so be prepared for awkward encounters.

10. You will plan the funeral while in a haze. If you aren’t happy with the funeral you had, have another memorial service later.

11. When people offer support, take them up on it.

12. People will bring you food because they don’t know what else to do. Don’t feel bad throwing it away.

13. People will say stupid, hurtful things without even realizing it.

14. People will tell you things that aren’t true about your grief.

15. Death brings out the best and the worst in families, so be prepared.

16. There is no such thing as closure.

17. There is no timeline for grieving. You can’t rush it. You will grieve, in some form, forever.

18. “There will always be regrets. No matter how much time you had, you’ll always want more”.

19. Guilt is a normal part of grief.

20. Anger is normal part of grief.

21. “The pain of a loss is a reflection of love, but you never regret loving as hard as you can.”

22. Grief can make you question your faith.

23. “Grief doesn’t come in five neat stages. It’s messy and confusing.”

24. Grief makes you feel like you are going crazy.

25. Grief can make you question your life, your purpose, and your goals. And that isn’t always a bad thing.

26. We all grieve differently, which can create strain and confusion between family members and friends.

27. “However badly you think it is going to hurt, it’s going to be a million times worse”.

28. You may find comfort in very unexpected places.

29. “You should go somewhere to debrief after caregiving”.

30. “The last 24 hours of their lives will replay in your mind”.

31. Trying to protect children from death and the emotions of grief isn’t helpful.

32. “It’s sometimes necessary to seek out new ways to grieve on your own, find new guidance if the people who are supposed to be supportive simply haven’t learned how.”

33. “You grieve your past, present, and future with that person”.

34. Big life events and milestones will forever be bittersweet.

35. Grief triggers are everywhere. You will see things that remind you of your loved one all over the place, and it may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion.

36. “You lose yourself, your identity, meaning, purpose, values, your trust”.

37. Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays will be hard forever.

38. People will tell you what you should and shouldn’t feel, and how you should and shouldn’t grieve. Ignore them.

39. “The grief process is about not only mourning the loss, but getting to know yourself as a different person.”

40. There is no normal when it comes to grieving.

41. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

42. “It’s normal to feel numbafter it happens. The tears will come. They come in waves.”

43. Grief can make you feel selfish and entitled, and that’s okay (at least for a while).

44. Meeting new people, who never knew the person who died, can be hard and sad. But eventually it can be nice to “introduce” them through stories and photographs.

45. The practice of sending thank you notes after a funeral is a cruel and unusual tradition.

46.“People love to judge how you are doing. Watch out for those people.”

47. You can’t compare grief or compare losses, though people will try.

48. Any loss you grieve is a valid loss, though people will sometimes make you feel otherwise.

49. “Just because you feel pretty good one day it doesn’t mean you are cured of your grief.”

50. There are many days when you will feel totally and completely alone, whether you are or not.

51. Grief can make you do stupid, crazy things. They may be what you need at the time time, but you may regret them later. Cut yourself some slack.

52. Grief can make you a stronger person than you were before.

53. Seeking grief counselingdoesn’t mean you’re crazy or weak.

54. It’s okay to cry sometimes.

55. It’s okay NOT to cry sometimes.

56. “Time does NOT heal all wounds.”

57. “Grief re-writes your address book.” Sometimes the people you thought would be there for you aren’t, and the people you last expected become your biggest supporters.

58. “You don’t get over it, you just get used to it.”

59. It is okay to tell people when they are not being helpful.

60. Watch your drinking. Alcohol can quickly become an unhealthy friend.

61. You will have to face your emotions eventually. You can avoidthem for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end.

62. Talking isn’t the only way to express and process emotions.

63. You will never go back to being your “old self.” Grief changes you and you are never the same.

64. Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died. Eventually, you will begin to enjoy life again, date again, have another child, seek new experiences, or whatever. None of these things will diminish your love for the person you lost.

துக்கத்தைப் பற்றி ஒருவர் என்னிடம் சொன்னார்

1. ஒரு மரணத்திற்கு நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு தயாராக இருக்கிறீர்கள் என்று நினைத்தாலும், இழப்பு மற்றும் துக்கத்திற்கு நீங்கள் ஒருபோதும் முழுமையாக தயாராக இருக்க முடியாது.

2. நீங்கள் மரணத்திற்கு திட்டமிடலாம், ஆனால் மரணம் எப்போதும் நமது விருப்பங்கள் அல்லது திட்டங்களுக்கு இணங்குவதில்லை.

3. "த���ிர்ப்பதை நிறுத்திவிட்டு உடனிருக்கவும்."

4. “டிவியில் அல்லது திரைப்படங்களில் பார்ப்பது போல் இறப்பது இல்லை. இது அமைதியான அல்லது தயாராக இல்லை. உங்களுக்கு ஆன்மீக அல்லது அர்த்தமுள்ள தருணம் இல்லாமல் இருக்கலாம். இது மிகவும் உண்மையானது."

5. மருத்துவமனை மரணம் எப்போதும் மோசமான மரணம் அல்ல.

6. ஒரு வீட்டில் மரணம்/மருத்துவமனை மரணம் எப்போதும் நல்ல மரணம் அல்ல.

7. "இறந்து சில நிமிடங்கள் அல்லது மணிநேரங்களுக்குப் பிறகும், மற்றவர்களின் அழுத்தம் இருக்கும், இது வருத்தத்திற்கு வழிவகுக்கும்".

8. “மரணம் என்பது அவசரம் அல்ல. பின்வாங்குவதற்கும், விடைபெற சிறிது நேரம் ஒதுக்குவதற்கும் எப்போதும் நேரம் இருக்கிறது.

9. மரணம் மற்றும் துக்கம் மக்களை சங்கடப்படுத்துகிறது, எனவே மோசமான சந்திப்புகளுக்கு தயாராக இருங்கள்.

10. மூடுபனியில் இருக்கும்போது இறுதிச் சடங்கைத் திட்டமிடுவீர்கள். நீங்கள் செய்த இறுதிச் சடங்கில் நீங்கள் மகிழ்ச்சியடையவில்லை என்றால், பின்னர் மற்றொரு நினைவுச் சேவையை நடத்துங்கள்.

11. மக்கள் ஆதரவை வழங்கும்போது, ​​அதை எடுத்துக் கொள்ளுங்கள்.

12. வேறு என்ன செய்வது என்று தெரியாததால் மக்கள் உங்களுக்கு உணவு கொண்டு வருவார்கள். அதைத் தூக்கி எறிவதைத் தவறாக நினைக்காதீர்கள்.

13. மக்கள் தங்களை அறியாமல் முட்டாள்தனமான, புண்படுத்தும் விஷயங்களைச் சொல்வார்கள்.

14. உங்கள் துயரத்தைப் பற்றி உண்மையில்லாத விஷயங்களை மக்கள் உங்களுக்குச் சொல்வார்கள்.

15. மரணம் குடும்பங்களில் சிறந்ததையும் மோசமானதையும் வெளிப்படுத்துகிறது, எனவே தயாராக இருங்கள்.

16. மூடல் என்று எதுவும் இல்லை.

17. துக்கப்படுவதற்கு காலக்கெடு இல்லை. நீங்கள் அதை அவசரப்படுத்த முடியாது. நீங்கள் ஒரு வடிவத்தில், என்றென்றும் துக்கப்படுவீர்கள்.

18. “எப்போதும் வருத்தம் இருக்கும். உங்களுக்கு எவ்வளவு நேரம் கிடைத்தாலும், நீங்கள் எப்போதும் அதிகமாகவே விரும்புவீர்கள்."

19. குற்ற உணர்வு என்பது துக்கத்தின் இயல்பான பகுதியாகும்.

20. கோபம் என்பது துக்கத்தின் இயல்பான பகுதியாகும்.

21. "இழப்பின் வலி அன்பின் பிரதிபலிப்பாகும், ஆனால் உங்களால் முடிந்தவரை கடினமாக நேசிப்பதற்காக நீங்கள் ஒருபோதும் வருத்தப்பட மாட்டீர்கள்."

22. துக்கம் உங்கள் நம்பிக்கையை கேள்விக்குள்ளாக்கிவிடும்.

23. “துக்கம் ஐந்து நேர்த்தியான நிலைகளில் வராது. இது குழப்பமாகவும் குழப்பமாகவும் இருக்கிறது."

24. துக்கம் உங்களுக்கு பைத்தியம் பிடித்தது போன்ற உணர்வை ஏற்படுத்துகிறது.

25. துக்கம் உங்கள் வாழ்க்கை, உங்கள் நோக்கம் மற்றும் உங்கள் இலக்குகளை கேள்விக்குள்ளாக்குகிறது. அது எப்போதும் ஒரு மோசமான விஷயம் அல்ல.

26. நாம் அனைவரும் வெவ்வேறு விதத்தில் துக்கப்படுகிறோம், இது குடும்ப உறுப்பினர்கள் மற்றும் நண்பர்களிடையே திரிபு மற்றும் ��ுழப்பத்தை உருவாக்கலாம்.

27. "எவ்வளவு மோசமாக நீங்கள் நினைக்கிறீர்களோ, அது புண்படுத்தப் போகிறது, அது ஒரு மில்லியன் மடங்கு மோசமாக இருக்கும்".

28. மிகவும் எதிர்பாராத இடங்களில் நீங்கள் ஆறுதல் பெறலாம்.

29. "பராமரிப்புக்குப் பிறகு நீங்கள் எங்காவது சென்று விளக்கமளிக்க வேண்டும்".

30. "அவர்களின் வாழ்க்கையின் கடைசி 24 மணிநேரம் உங்கள் மனதில் மீண்டும் ஒலிக்கும்".

31. குழந்தைகளை மரணத்திலிருந்தும் துயரத்தின் உணர்ச்சிகளிலிருந்தும் பாதுகாக்க முயற்சிப்பது பயனுள்ளதாக இருக்காது.

32. "உங்கள் சொந்தமாக துக்கப்படுவதற்கு புதிய வழிகளைத் தேடுவது சில சமயங்களில் அவசியமாகிறது, ஆதரவாக இருக்க வேண்டியவர்கள் எப்படிக் கற்றுக் கொள்ளவில்லை என்றால் புதிய வழிகாட்டுதலைக் கண்டறியவும்."

33. "அந்த நபருடன் உங்கள் கடந்த காலம், நிகழ்காலம் மற்றும் எதிர்காலத்தை நீங்கள் துக்கப்படுத்துகிறீர்கள்".

34. பெரிய வாழ்க்கை நிகழ்வுகள் மற்றும் மைல்கற்கள் எப்போதும் கசப்பானதாக இருக்கும்.

35. துக்க தூண்டுதல்கள் எல்லா இடங்களிலும் உள்ளன. உங்கள் அன்புக்குரியவரை நினைவூட்டும் விஷயங்களை நீங்கள் எல்லா இடங்களிலும் பார்ப்பீர்கள், மேலும் அது திடீரென உணர்ச்சி வெடிப்புகளுக்கு வழிவகுக்கும்.

36. "நீங்கள் உங்களை, உங்கள் அடையாளம், பொருள், நோக்கம், மதிப்புகள், உங்கள் நம்பிக்கையை இழக்கிறீர்கள்".

37. விடுமுறைகள், ஆண்டுவிழாக்கள் மற்றும் பிறந்தநாள்கள் எப்போதும் கடினமாக இருக்கும்.

38. நீங்கள் எதை உணர வேண்டும், எதை உணரக்கூடாது, எப்படி துக்கப்பட வேண்டும், எப்படி துக்கப்படக்கூடாது என்பதை மக்கள் உங்களுக்குச் சொல்வார்கள். அவற்றைப் புறக்கணிக்கவும்.

39. "துக்க செயல்முறை என்பது இழப்பை துக்கப்படுத்துவது மட்டுமல்லாமல், உங்களை ஒரு வித்தியாசமான நபராக அறிந்து கொள்வது."

40. துக்கம் வரும்போது இயல்பானது இல்லை.

41. சில சமயங்களில் அது சரியாகிவிடும் முன் மோசமாகிவிடும்.

42. “நடந்த பிறகு உணர்வின்மை சாதாரணமானது. கண்ணீர் வரும். அவை அலை அலையாக வருகின்றன.

43. துக்கம் உங்களை சுயநலமாகவும் உரிமையுடனும் உணர வைக்கும், அது பரவாயில்லை (குறைந்தது சிறிது காலத்திற்கு).

44. இறந்த நபரை ஒருபோதும் அறியாத புதிய நபர்களைச் சந்திப்பது கடினமாகவும் சோகமாகவும் இருக்கும். ஆனால் இறுதியில் கதைகள் மற்றும் புகைப்படங்கள் மூலம் அவற்றை "அறிமுகப்படுத்துவது" நன்றாக இருக்கும்.

45. ஒரு இறுதிச் சடங்கிற்குப் பிறகு நன்றி குறிப்புகளை அனுப்பும் நடைமுறை ஒரு கொடூரமான மற்றும் அசாதாரண பாரம்பரியமாகும்.

46. ​​"நீங்கள் எப்படி இருக்கிறீர்கள் என்பதை மக்கள் தீர்மானிக்க விரும்புகிறார்கள். அத்தகையவர்களைக் கவனியுங்கள்."

47. நீங்கள் துக்கத்தை ஒப்பிடவோ அல்லது இழப்புகளை ஒப்பிடவோ முடியாது, இருப்பினும் மக்கள் முயற்சிப்பார்கள்.

48. நீங்கள் துக்கப்படும் ��ந்தவொரு இழப்பும் சரியான இழப்பாகும், இருப்பினும் மக்கள் சில சமயங்களில் உங்களை வேறுவிதமாக உணர வைப்பார்கள்.

49. "ஒரு நாள் நீங்கள் நன்றாக உணர்ந்தால், உங்கள் துக்கத்தில் இருந்து நீங்கள் குணமாகிவிட்டீர்கள் என்று அர்த்தம் இல்லை."

50. நீங்கள் இருந்தாலும் இல்லாவிட்டாலும், நீங்கள் முற்றிலும் மற்றும் முற்றிலும் தனியாக உணரும் பல நாட்கள் உள்ளன.

51. துக்கம் உங்களை ம��ட்டாள்தனமான, பைத்தியக்காரத்தனமான செயல்களைச் செய்ய வைக்கும். அந்த நேரத்தில் அவை உங்களுக்குத் தேவையானதாக இருக்கலாம், ஆனால் நீங்கள் பின்னர் வருந்தலாம். உங்களை கொஞ்சம் தளர்த்திக் கொள்ளுங்கள்.

52. துக்கம் உங்களை முன்பு இருந்ததை விட வலிமையான நபராக மாற்றும்.

53. துக்க ஆலோசனையை நாடுவது நீங்கள் பைத்தியம் அல்லது பலவீனமாக இருக்கிறீர்கள் என்று அர்த்தமல்ல.

54. சில நேரங்களில் அழுவது பரவாயில்லை.

55. சில நேரங்களில் அழாமல் இருப்பது பரவாயில்லை.

56. "நேரம் எல்லா காயங்களையும் ஆற்றாது."

57. "துக்கம் உங்கள் முகவரி புத்தகத்தை மீண்டும் எழுதுகிறது." சில சமயங்களில் உங்களுக்காக இருப்பார்கள் என்று நீங்கள் நினைத்தவர்கள் இல்லை, நீங்கள் கடைசியாக எதிர்பார்த்தவர்கள் உங்கள் மிகப்பெரிய ஆதரவாளர்களாக மாறுவார்கள்.

58. "நீங்கள் அதைக் கடக்கவில்லை, நீங்கள் அதைப் பழக்கப்படுத்திக் கொள்ளுங்கள்."

59. மக்களுக்கு உதவி செய்யாதபோது அவர்களுக்குச் சொல்வது பரவாயில்லை.

60. நீங்கள் குடிப்பதைப் பாருங்கள். ஆல்கஹால் விரைவில் ஆரோக்கியமற்ற நண்பராக மாறும்.

61. நீங்கள் இறுதியில் உங்கள் உணர்ச்சிகளை எதிர்கொள்ள வேண்டியிருக்கும். நீங்கள் அவர்களை சிறிது நேரம் தவிர்க்கலாம், ஆனால் இறுதியில் அவர்கள் உங்களைப் பிடிப்பார்கள்.

62. உணர்ச்சிகளை வெளிப்படுத்துவதற்கும் செயலாக்குவதற்கும் பேசுவது ஒரே வழி அல்ல.

63. நீங்கள் ஒருபோதும் உங்கள் "பழைய சுயமாக" திரும்ப மாட்டீர்கள். துக்கம் உங்களை மாற்றுகிறது, நீங்கள் எப்போதும் ஒரே மாதிரியாக இருப்பதில்லை.

64. எதிர்காலத்தில் நீங்கள் செய்யும் எதுவும் இறந்தவர் மீதான உங்கள் அன்பை மாற்றாது. இறுதியில், நீங்கள் மீண்டும் வாழ்க்கையை அனுபவிக்கத் தொடங்குவீர்கள், மீண்டும் பழகுவீர்கள், மற்றொரு குழந்தையைப் பெறுவீர்கள், புதிய அனுபவங்களைத் தேடுவீர்கள், அல்லது எதுவாக இருந்தாலும். இந்த விஷயங்கள் எதுவும் நீங்கள் இழந்த நபரின் மீதான உங்கள் அன்பைக் குறைக்காது.

ಯಾರೋ ದುಃಖದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದರು

1. ನೀವು ಸಾವಿಗೆ ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಸಿದ್ಧರಾಗಿದ್ದೀರಿ ಎಂದು ನೀವು ಭಾವಿಸಿದರೂ, ನಷ್ಟ ಮತ್ತು ದುಃಖಕ್ಕೆ ನೀವು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ಸಂಪೂರ್ಣವಾಗಿ ಸಿದ್ಧರಾಗಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ.

2. ನೀವು ಸಾವಿಗೆ ಯೋಜಿಸಬಹುದು, ಆದರೆ ಸಾವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ನಮ್ಮ ಇಚ್ಛೆಗೆ ಅಥವಾ ಯೋಜನೆಗಳಿಗೆ ಅನುಗುಣವಾಗಿರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.

3. "ತಪ್ಪಿಸುವುದನ್ನು ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿ ಮತ್ತು ಪ್ರಸ್ತುತವಾಗಿರಿ."

4. “ಸಾಯುವುದು ನೀವು ಟಿವಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಅಥವಾ ಚಲನಚಿತ್ರಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ನೋಡುವಂತೆ ಅಲ್ಲ. ಇದು ಶಾ��ತಿಯುತ ಅಥವಾ ಸಿದ್ಧವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ. ನೀವು ಆಧ್ಯಾತ್ಮಿಕ ಅಥವಾ ಅರ್ಥಪೂರ್ಣ ಕ್ಷಣವನ್ನು ಹೊಂದಿಲ್ಲದಿರಬಹುದು. ಇದು ತುಂಬಾ ನೈಜವಾಗಿದೆ. ”

5. ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆಯ ಸಾವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಸಾವಲ್ಲ.

6. ಮನೆ ಸಾವು/ಆಶ್ರಮಾಲಯದ ಸಾವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಸಾವಲ್ಲ.

7. "ಸಾವಿನ ನಂತರ ನಿಮಿಷಗಳು ಅಥವಾ ಗಂಟೆಗಳ ನಂತರವೂ ಮುಂದುವರಿಯಲು ಇತರರಿಂದ ಒತ್ತಡವಿರುತ್ತದೆ ಮತ್ತು ಇದು ವಿಷಾದಕ್ಕೆ ಕಾರಣವಾಗಬಹುದು".

8. “ಸಾವು ತುರ್ತು ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಲ್ಲ. ಹಿಂದೆ ಸರಿಯಲು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಸಮಯವಿದೆ ಮತ್ತು ವಿದಾಯ ಹೇಳಲು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಮಯ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳಿ.

9. ಸಾವು ಮತ್ತು ದುಃಖವು ಜನರನ್ನು ಅನಾನುಕೂಲಗೊಳಿಸುತ್ತದೆ, ಆದ್ದರಿಂದ ವಿಚಿತ್ರವಾದ ಎನ್ಕೌಂಟರ್ಗಳಿಗೆ ಸಿದ್ಧರಾಗಿರಿ.

10. ಮಬ್ಬಿನಲ್ಲಿದ್ದಾಗ ನೀವು ಅಂತ್ಯಕ್ರಿಯೆಯನ್ನು ಯೋಜಿಸುತ್ತೀರಿ. ನೀವು ನಡೆಸಿದ ಅಂತ್ಯಕ್ರಿಯೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಮಗೆ ಸಂತೋಷವಾಗದಿದ್ದರೆ, ನಂತರ ಮತ್ತೊಂದು ಸ್ಮಾರಕ ಸೇವೆಯನ್ನು ಮಾಡಿ.

11. ಜನರು ಬೆಂಬಲವನ್ನು ನೀಡಿದಾಗ, ಅದನ್ನು ಸ್ವೀಕರಿಸಿ.

12. ಜನರು ನಿಮಗೆ ಆಹಾರವನ್ನು ತರುತ್ತಾರೆ ಏಕೆಂದರೆ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಬೇರೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡಬೇಕೆಂದು ತಿಳಿದಿಲ್ಲ. ಅದನ್ನು ಎಸೆಯಲು ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಭಾವನೆ ಬೇಡ.

13. ಜನರು ಅರಿವಿಲ್ಲದೆ ಮೂರ್ಖ, ನೋವುಂಟುಮಾಡುವ ವಿಷಯಗಳನ್ನು ಹೇಳುತ್ತಾರೆ.

14. ನಿಮ್ಮ ದುಃಖದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಸತ್ಯವಲ್ಲದ ವಿಷಯಗಳನ್ನು ಜನರು ನಿಮಗೆ ತಿಳಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ.

15. ಸಾವು ಕುಟುಂಬಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಉತ್ತಮ ಮತ್ತು ಕೆಟ್ಟದ್ದನ್ನು ತರುತ್ತದೆ, ಆದ್ದರಿಂದ ಸಿದ್ಧರಾಗಿರಿ.

16. ಮುಚ್ಚುವಿಕೆಯಂತಹ ಯಾವುದೇ ವಿಷಯವಿಲ್ಲ.

17. ದುಃಖಕ್ಕೆ ಯಾವುದೇ ಟೈಮ್‌ಲೈನ್ ಇಲ್ಲ. ನೀವು ಅದನ್ನು ಹೊರದಬ್ಬಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ. ನೀವು ಯಾವುದಾದರೂ ರೂಪದಲ್ಲಿ, ಶಾಶ್ವತವಾಗಿ ದುಃಖಿಸುತ್ತೀರಿ.

18. “ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ವಿಷಾದವಿರುತ್ತದೆ. ನೀವು ಎಷ್ಟು ಸಮಯವನ್ನು ಹೊಂದಿದ್ದರೂ ಸಹ, ನೀವು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನದನ್ನು ಬಯಸುತ್ತೀರಿ. ”

19. ಅಪರಾಧವು ದುಃಖದ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯ ಭಾಗವಾಗಿದೆ.

20. ಕೋಪವು ದುಃಖದ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯ ಭಾಗವಾಗಿದೆ.

21. "ನಷ್ಟದ ನೋವು ಪ್ರೀತಿಯ ಪ್ರತಿಬಿಂಬವಾಗಿದೆ, ಆದರೆ ನೀವು ಎಷ್ಟು ಸಾಧ್ಯವೋ ಅಷ್ಟು ಕಷ್ಟಪಟ್ಟು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸುತ್ತಿರುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ನೀವು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ವಿಷಾದಿಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲ."

22. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮ ನಂಬಿಕೆಯನ್ನು ಪ್ರಶ್ನಿಸುವಂತೆ ಮಾಡಬಹುದು.

23. "ದುಃಖವು ಐದು ಅಚ್ಚುಕಟ್ಟಾದ ಹಂತಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಇದು ಗೊಂದಲಮಯ ಮತ್ತು ಗೊಂದಲಮಯವಾಗಿದೆ. ”

24. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮಗೆ ಹುಚ್ಚು ಹಿಡಿದಂತೆ ಅನಿಸುತ್ತದೆ.

25. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಜೀವನ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಉದ್ದೇಶ ಮತ್ತು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಗುರಿಗಳನ್ನು ಪ್ರಶ್ನಿಸುವಂತೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ. ಮತ್ತು ಇದು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಕೆಟ್ಟ ವಿಷಯವಲ್ಲ.

26. ನಾವೆಲ್ಲರೂ ವಿಭಿನ್ನವಾಗಿ ದುಃಖಿಸುತ್ತೇವೆ, ಇದು ಕುಟುಂಬ ಸದಸ್ಯರು ಮತ್ತು ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರ ನಡುವೆ ಒತ್ತಡ ಮತ್ತು ಗೊಂದಲವನ್ನು ಉಂಟುಮಾಡಬಹುದು.

27. "ಅದು ಎಷ್ಟು ಕೆಟ್ಟದಾಗಿ ನೋಯಿಸುತ್ತದೆ ಎಂದು ನೀವು ಭಾವಿಸುತ್ತೀರಿ, ಅದು ಮಿಲಿಯನ್ ಪಟ್ಟು ಕೆಟ್ಟದಾಗಿರುತ್ತದೆ".

28. ನೀವು ತುಂಬಾ ಅನಿರೀಕ್ಷಿತ ಸ್ಥಳಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಆರಾಮವನ್ನು ಕಾಣಬಹುದು.

29. "ಆರೈಕೆ ಮಾಡಿದ ನಂತರ ನ���ವು ಡಿಬ್ರಿಫ್ ಮಾಡಲು ಎಲ್ಲೋ ಹೋಗಬೇಕು".

30. "ಅವರ ಜೀವನದ ಕೊನೆಯ 24 ಗಂಟೆಗಳು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಮರುಕಳಿಸುತ್ತದೆ".

31. ಮಕ್ಕಳನ್ನು ಸಾವಿನಿಂದ ಮತ್ತು ದುಃಖದ ಭಾವನೆಗಳಿಂದ ರಕ್ಷಿಸಲು ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಿಸುವುದು ಸಹಾಯಕವಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.

32. "ನಿಮ್ಮ ಸ್ವಂತ ದುಃಖಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊಸ ಮಾರ್ಗಗಳನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕುವುದು ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ಅಗತ್ಯವಾಗಿದೆ, ಬೆಂಬಲ ನೀಡಬೇಕಾದ ಜನರು ಹೇಗೆ ಕಲಿಯದಿದ್ದರೆ ಹೊಸ ಮಾರ್ಗದರ್ಶನವನ್ನು ಕಂಡುಕೊಳ್ಳಿ."

33. "ನೀವು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಹಿಂದಿನ, ವರ್ತಮಾನ ಮತ್ತು ಭವಿಷ್ಯವನ್ನು ಆ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯೊಂದಿಗೆ ದುಃಖಿಸುತ್ತೀರಿ".

34. ದೊಡ್ಡ ಜೀವನದ ಘಟನೆಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ಮೈಲಿಗಲ್ಲುಗಳು ಶಾಶ್ವತವಾಗಿ ಕಹಿಯಾಗಿರುತ್ತವೆ.

35. ದುಃಖ ಪ್ರಚೋದಕಗಳು ಎಲ್ಲೆಡೆ ಇವೆ. ನಿಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರೀತಿಪಾತ್ರರನ್ನು ನಿಮಗೆ ನೆನಪಿಸುವ ವಿಷಯಗಳನ್ನು ನೀವು ಎಲ್ಲೆಡೆ ನೋಡುತ್ತೀರಿ ಮತ್ತು ಇದು ಹಠಾತ್ ಭಾವನೆಗಳ ಪ್ರಕೋಪಗಳಿಗೆ ಕಾರಣವಾಗಬಹುದು.

36. "ನೀವು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತೀರಿ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಗುರುತು, ಅರ್ಥ, ಉದ್ದೇಶ, ಮೌಲ್ಯಗಳು, ನಿಮ್ಮ ನಂಬಿಕೆ".

37. ರಜಾದಿನಗಳು, ವಾರ್ಷಿಕೋತ್ಸವಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ಜನ್ಮದಿನಗಳು ಶಾಶ್ವತವಾಗಿ ಕಷ್ಟಕರವಾಗಿರುತ್ತದೆ.

38. ನೀವು ಏನನ್ನು ಅನುಭವಿಸಬೇಕು ಮತ್ತು ಅನುಭವಿಸಬಾರದು ಮತ್ತು ನೀವು ಹೇಗೆ ದುಃಖಿಸಬೇಕು ಮತ್ತು ಹೇಗೆ ದುಃಖಿಸಬಾರದು ಎಂದು ಜನರು ನಿಮಗೆ ತಿಳಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ. ಅವರನ್ನು ನಿರ್ಲಕ್ಷಿಸಿ.

39. "ದುಃಖ ಪ್ರಕ್ರಿಯೆಯು ನಷ್ಟವನ್ನು ದುಃಖಿಸುವುದು ಮಾತ್ರವಲ್ಲ, ಆದರೆ ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ವಿಭಿನ್ನ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯಾಗಿ ತಿಳಿದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವುದು."

40. ದುಃಖಕ್ಕೆ ಬಂದಾಗ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ.

41. ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ಅದು ಉತ್ತಮಗೊಳ್ಳುವ ಮೊದಲು ಕೆಟ್ಟದಾಗುತ್ತದೆ.

42. “ಇದು ಸಂಭವಿಸಿದ ನಂತರ ನಿಶ್ಚೇಷ್ಟಿತ ಭಾವನೆ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯವಾಗಿದೆ. ಕಣ್ಣೀರು ಬರುತ್ತದೆ. ಅವರು ಅಲೆಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುತ್ತಾರೆ.

43. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಸ್ವಾರ್ಥಿ ಮತ್ತು ಅರ್ಹತೆ ಹೊಂದುವಂತೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ ಮತ್ತು ಅದು ಸರಿ (ಕನಿಷ್ಠ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಮಯದವರೆಗೆ).

44. ಸತ್ತ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯನ್ನು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ತಿಳಿದಿರದ ಹೊಸ ಜನರನ್ನು ಭೇಟಿಯಾಗುವುದು ಕಷ್ಟ ಮತ್ತು ದುಃಖವಾಗಬಹುದು. ಆದರೆ ಅಂತಿಮವಾಗಿ ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಕಥೆಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ಛಾಯಾಚಿತ್ರಗಳ ಮೂಲಕ "ಪರಿಚಯಿಸಲು" ಸಂತೋಷವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ.

45. ಅಂತ್ಯಕ್ರಿಯೆಯ ನಂತರ ಧನ್ಯವಾದಗಳನ್ನು ಕಳುಹಿಸುವ ಅಭ್ಯಾಸವು ಕ್ರೂರ ಮತ್ತು ಅಸಾಮಾನ್ಯ ಸಂಪ್ರದಾಯವಾಗಿದೆ.

46.“ನೀವು ಹೇಗೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದೀರಿ ಎಂದು ನಿರ್ಣಯಿಸಲು ಜನರು ಇಷ್ಟಪಡುತ್ತಾರೆ. ಅಂತಹ ಜನರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಎಚ್ಚರದಿಂದಿರಿ. ”

47. ನೀವು ದುಃಖವನ್ನು ಹೋಲಿಸಲು ಅಥವಾ ನಷ್ಟವನ್ನು ಹೋಲಿಸಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ, ಆದರೂ ಜನರು ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ.

48. ನೀವು ದುಃಖಿಸುವ ಯಾವುದೇ ನಷ್ಟವು ಮಾನ್ಯವಾದ ನಷ್ಟವಾಗಿದೆ, ಆದರೂ ಜನರು ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಬೇರೆ ರೀತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಭಾವಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ.

49. "ನೀವು ಒಂದು ದಿನ ತುಂಬಾ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯವರಾಗಿರುತ್ತೀರಿ ಎಂದ ಮಾತ್ರಕ್ಕೆ ನಿಮ್ಮ ದುಃಖದಿಂದ ನೀವು ಗುಣಮುಖರಾಗಿದ್ದೀರಿ ಎಂದರ್ಥವಲ್ಲ."

50. ನೀವು ಇಲ್ಲವೇ ಇಲ್ಲವೇ ಎಂಬುದನ್ನು ನೀವು ಸಂಪೂರ್ಣವಾಗಿ ಮತ್ತು ಸಂಪೂರ್ಣವಾಗಿ ಏಕಾಂಗಿಯಾಗಿ ಅನುಭವಿಸುವ ಹಲವು ದಿನಗಳಿವೆ.

51. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಮೂರ್ಖತನದ, ಹುಚ್ಚುತನದ ಕೆಲಸಗಳನ್ನು ಮಾಡಬಹುದು. ಅವರು ಆ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಮ���ೆ ಬೇಕಾಗಿರಬಹುದು, ಆದರೆ ನೀವು ನಂತರ ವಿಷಾದಿಸಬಹುದು. ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಡಿಲಗೊಳಿಸಿ.

52. ದುಃಖವು ನೀವು ಮೊದಲು ಇದ್ದಕ್ಕಿಂತ ಬಲವಾದ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯಾಗಬಹುದು.

53. ದುಃಖ ಸಮಾಲೋಚನೆಯನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕುವುದು ನೀವು ಹುಚ್ಚರು ಅಥವಾ ದುರ್ಬಲರು ಎಂದು ಅರ್ಥವಲ್ಲ.

54. ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ಅಳುವುದು ಸರಿ.

55. ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ಅಳುವುದು ಸರಿಯಲ್ಲ.

56. "ಸಮಯವು ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಗಾಯಗಳನ್ನು ಗುಣಪಡಿಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲ."

57. "ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮ ವಿಳಾಸ ಪುಸ್ತಕವನ್ನು ಪುನಃ ಬರೆಯುತ್ತದೆ." ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ನಿಮ್ಮೊಂದಿಗೆ ಇರುತ್ತಾರೆ ಎಂದು ನೀವು ಭಾವಿಸಿದ ಜನರು ಇರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ ಮತ್ತು ನೀವು ಕೊನೆಯದಾಗಿ ನಿರೀಕ್ಷಿಸಿದ ಜನರು ನಿಮ್ಮ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಬೆಂಬಲಿಗರಾಗುತ್ತಾರೆ.

58. "ನೀವು ಅದನ್ನು ಮೀರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ, ನೀವು ಅದನ್ನು ಬಳಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತೀರಿ."

59. ಜನರು ಸಹಾಯ ಮಾಡದಿದ್ದಾಗ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಹೇಳುವುದು ಸರಿ.

60. ನಿಮ್ಮ ಕುಡಿಯುವಿಕೆಯನ್ನು ವೀಕ್ಷಿಸಿ. ಆಲ್ಕೋಹಾಲ್ ತ್ವರಿತವಾಗಿ ಅನಾರೋಗ್ಯಕರ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತನಾಗಬಹುದು.

61. ನೀವು ಅಂತಿಮವಾಗಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಭಾವನೆಗಳನ್ನು ಎದುರಿಸಬೇಕಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ನೀವು ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಮಯದವರೆಗೆ ತಪ್ಪಿಸಬಹುದು, ಆದರೆ ಕೊನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಅವರು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಹಿಡಿಯುತ್ತಾರೆ.

62. ಭಾವನೆಗಳನ್ನು ವ್ಯಕ್ತಪಡಿಸಲು ಮತ್ತು ಪ್ರಕ್ರಿಯೆಗೊಳಿಸಲು ಮಾತನಾಡುವುದು ಏಕೈಕ ಮಾರ್ಗವಲ್ಲ.

63. ನೀವು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ನಿಮ್ಮ "ಹಳೆಯ ಸ್ವಯಂ" ಆಗಿ ಹಿಂತಿರುಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ದುಃಖವು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಬದಲಾಯಿಸುತ್ತದೆ ಮತ್ತು ನೀವು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ಒಂದೇ ಆಗಿರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.

64. ಭವಿಷ್ಯದಲ್ಲಿ ನೀವು ಮಾಡುವ ಯಾವುದೂ ಸತ್ತ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯ ಮೇಲಿನ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯನ್ನು ಬದಲಾಯಿಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಅಂತಿಮವಾಗಿ, ನೀವು ಮತ್ತೆ ಜೀವನವನ್ನು ಆನಂದಿಸಲು ಪ್ರಾರಂಭಿಸುತ್ತೀರಿ, ಮತ್ತೆ ಡೇಟಿಂಗ್ ಮಾಡುತ್ತೀರಿ, ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಮಗುವನ್ನು ಹೊಂದುತ್ತೀರಿ, ಹೊಸ ಅನುಭವಗಳನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕುತ್ತೀರಿ, ಅಥವಾ ಯಾವುದಾದರೂ. ಇವುಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾವುದೂ ನೀವು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯ ಮೇಲಿನ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯನ್ನು ಕಡಿಮೆ ಮಾಡುವುದಿಲ್ಲ.

[ofspvrta]

Why was she doing this? Why was she digging her heels in and making this worse? Was she hurt so badly that she never wanted to go back to the Seeker? No, that wasn't true, she wouldn't have saved her otherwise. Her heart wouldn't start racing every time she looked at her, despite the anger and rage and pain. And all she could do is redirect the hurt that she was left with at the Seeker. She knew little else. How could she? She spent the last nearly 2500 years isolated from others, having very little conversation with people, let alone being in love. It was all so foreign to her and she was foolish to think this was something she was ever equipped to deal with. How could she be human when she forgot what it was like?

The sound of Cassandra's weapons clanging against the ground pulled her out of her head. She fucked up, cut too deep, and said what should have stayed in her head. She watched carefully, her expression shifting to something indiscernible. She shouldn't be standing, Cassandra needs to rest easy, she's stable now but that injury would have killed her if the Keeper hadn't shown up. Kassandra's hands raised, a show of caution as she watched with sickening concern.

The red leaking through the tunic caused an immediate reaction, whatever Cassandra was going to say to her, let it be, she had to keep her safe, keep her alive. She grabbed for more bandages, eyes remaining on her all the while.

But she froze when Cassandra spoke. Is that what had worried her so much? No matter how they ended up The Seeker feared she would be left loving and mourning someone who could not die. And it would never leave her until death claimed her. Then perhaps she did understand the pain Kassandra faced. Because the Keeper is haunted by her, but she does not have the benefit of death to one day alleviate the ache. As she was about to move forward to bandage the wound again, Cassandra kicked her shield into the fire, causing the immortal to step back.

Her heart sank. "I couldn't let you die." She had claimed she was selfish once, but that clearly wasn't the case here. Letting her die may have solved her problem and caused many more. It tore the Seeker up as much as it did her. As she spoke, as she blinked away the tears, Kassandra advanced, moving into her space, and attempted to look at the wound again. Cassandra was a stubborn mule but whatever gods were out there, she was not going to let her kill herself like this. "We don't get the easy way out, you and I both know that." She closed her eyes. Being this close, no matter how mad she was, it was hard not to want to kiss those lips again. She still loved her, she worried she always would.

"It could have, if we let it." She said quietly, trying to gently at the bandage. She straightened her back for a moment, her face close to Cassandra's. "In all my years, since I was cursed in the first place, you are the only person I had ever fallen in love with. The only one. Losing you felt like losing myself, it was a hole that nothing would fill." Her words trailed off as she leaned in close, pressing those lips against the Seeker's.

KASSANDRA'S WORDS TORE A NEW WOUND INTO THE SEEKER, BUT THIS TIME, THERE WAS NO BLOOD TO BE SHED. Between the two of them stewing, anger and heartbreak pushed down to the very depths of their souls, it should not have surprised them that their reunion was so violent, so chaotic and reckless. Yet as Kassandra kept throwing verbal daggers at her, the Nevarran did nothing to dodge them—she didn't interrupt, only glowered up at the tall figure who stood a mere few feet away now. The hand that had begun to clean her blade paused.

Why didn't you look? You're not quite a Seeker. You're the Divine.

Divine Victoria, praise be to Her.

Praise be.

The blade and her shield hit the ground unceremoniously. The Inquisition's sigil was barely there save for the outline of its original painting onto her shield. Now, it was just a piece of metal. Junk. It had saved her, but at what cost? Kassandra had saved her, but at what cost? Here, now, she wished she had never done so. Leave her for the Inquisition to find—or at least let her wake up alone. Assume it was the Maker, or some other hidden force. Think that Kassandra was away in some foreign land, exerting her invisible power on the balances of the world. Away from her, and away from the mess that they had created together. Her boots scuffed the ground, kicking pebbles into the fire as she heaved herself off of the ground into a half-bent position.

Here they were, mortal and immortal. Cassandra held her arm to the bandage, dark crimson ominously seeping through. Yet she straightened herself as much as she can to look into the other woman's eyes, ones that held a world of hurt and pain beyond her comprehension.

"I will never escape you," Cassandra gritted. She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the growing lump in her throat. She ached to cry, but they were angry and hurt tears. "I will sit on the Sunburst Throne knowing that you are out there. I will rule into old age and remember you as clearly as the day we met. You will haunt me into my death, and only then may I escape you." Her eyes clouded with angry tears of which she took no action save to blink them away. One step, two—she kicked the dented shield into the fire and watched the sparks fly into the ceiling of the cave.

"You could have left me there," the shorter woman muttered. "I would have died, and even while marching to the Golden City, I would have clung to the memory of you. You should have left me there. At least then you would not be so tormented roaming the Earth. Then you would not be subject to my reign, nor would I be tempted to send out dozens of scouts to find you." Over the following days in Kassandra's departure, her gloves had hovered over a piece of parchment to be sent by crow. Soldiers, many soldiers, all for the one woman... but she did not. For what? To bring her back, bound to a religion that she did not believe? In a relationship shadowed by duty? To be sworn kept secret? For Kassandra to watch her wither over the years until she died?

"A relationship with me... never would have ended well. Not like this. Not the way things are."

[moonwaterart]

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Here's another short ficlet, this time for Leshy since there isn't much Leshy love out there. He's a good little worm

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The One Who Mourns

“Leader, you seem like you’re stressed. Is something the matter?”

The leafed worm heard a familiar voice ask. Most of his followers would wait to be talked to since his loss of eyesight, but not them. This follower was always making sure he was okay. Making sure things were still being taken care of.

They’ve always been like that since they joined his sect of The Old Faith years ago. They were never afraid to ask him things or to chat. Their smile was always a welcome sight to Leshy until he lost his vision. Since then they made time to help him with menial tasks and keep things in line at the temple of his sect.

“The red crown defeated another of my high priests.” He commented. “I fear I must step in soon in order to stop them from advancing further.”

“But… what if… what if the red crown defeats you too? What will happen to us here?” He couldn’t see them anymore, but he could hear them fidget slightly as their words laced with worry.

He knew that that was a possibility. He would be using the power he had left in order to stop that lamb in their tracks, but what if he didn’t succeed? What would happen to his other followers?

“That’s… something I’ve thought about… yes…” he turned his head downward towards the approximate place he could feel their presence, crouching in order to at least try to be smaller in order to comfort his loyal follower. “If that were to happen, I would want you to take care of this place. Don’t allow my name to die with my body and soul. You are my most loyal follower… and what I’m going to do… I would never want you to suffer. So please… my most loyal… promise me that if it comes down to it, you will continue to be loyal even after I am gone.”

There was a pause, soon followed by a choked back sob. “You sound… so absolute in your words.”

Leshy let out a soundless sigh and extended a hand carefully towards them. He let it hover before a smaller pair of hands took it in their own and brought it closer to themselves, pressing their forehead to his palm “but if that’s what you request… I’ll follow your request faithfully.”

A pang of sadness struck the bishop. The possibility of never talking again felt worse than anything he had faced up to that point. They never realized it up to that point, but their most loyal follower being upset by his words yet still promising to follow them hurt him as badly as when he lost his eyesight. He could feel the sting of ichor around what used to be his eyes. He hadn't been able to cry for years yet here he was, upset that they were upset.

His siblings always said he was weaker than themselves when it came to emotional connection, yet that’s why people followed him. He was willing to be vulnerable around his followers before they lost their brother to greed and power. He was always the bishop getting into trickery and prankster trouble. Always fun loving and full of joy. Yet as he felt their sobs against his palm, it dawned on him how much he had changed.

“My most loyal follower… Please don’t cry. There’s no need for such sadness while I’m still around.” He carefully moved his hand to wipe a tear with his thumb. “How about we take some time to enjoy the time we have? You can show me around the new additions to the temple or maybe you would like to go gather flowers from the woods beyond? They’re in full bloom this time of year, are they not?”

He took to bringing them close before starting to walk again. “Those who mourn early miss out on remembering the good of the past and present as they fear for the future and probable outcomes. When the time comes for you to pass on you would rather be celebrated for your accomplishments, yes?”

“W-well yes.. but-“

“Then, my most loyal follower, let’s celebrate what time is left. Mourning has its place, but that is neither here nor there and definitely not the time for that. Until it is time for me to depart, let us take the time to celebrate, the stress will disappear, I promise.”

Their follower was silent, but nodded, wiping more tears away. “I… I suppose so. How about I tell you about those new temple additions?”

“I would want nothing more at the moment.”

—

“The Red Crown comes for the chain I guard.” Leshy declared to the followers that gathered. “In order to stop them I must use every fragment of power I have left. In order to access that power, a great sacrifice must take place. A life in exchange for power. A life in the name of justice and our faith.”

The followers that gathered started to offer themselves to him as help with his showdown against the lamb who represented The Chained One. Tents were being emptied and giving their belongings to followers staying behind. As they did that, a hand tugged at Leshy’s robe which made him turn his attention to whomever did that. “What do you need? Now isn’t the time to-”

“Great Leader… I have a departing gift for you.” At their words his demeanor softened.

“Of course… I apologize for my tone. What is it, my most loyal follower?”

“Let me see your hand, just real quick.”

Leshy complied, extending a hand to receive what he thought would be a trinket or maybe something they wanted him to feel; instead something was wrapped around his wrist and secured. “It’s not much, but I hope you keep it with you to know I’ll be here praying for your safe return.”

Their words stung him, but he knew they meant well. They’ve talked before about this. They know what to do if he did not return. The most inevitable possibility and one he wished it didn’t come down to. He felt the bracelet with his other hand, the flowers and grass chained together perfectly. “Then I will try not to keep you waiting.”

[justaradioguy]

It's almost difficult to keep up, but he forces himself to manage by shifting his bad leg in such a way that the pain shocks his brain back into the immediate present.

Chicken makes a noise of protest, as if scolding him for picking an unhealthy option, to which Kain only pets him again as he keeps his focus on Roy.

"I wonder if a smaller place would've... helped."

It's a fleeting thought. He knows good and well his parents would not have wanted anything to do with him no matter where they lived, and it doesn't make any difference how much he tries to hate them or pretend he doesn't care. It still makes him sad.

He shakes his head, trying to move forward. It's all he can do. Ruminating won't help when he's trying to be company, but it's so incredibly hard to stop.

Especially when he thinks of how nice it must be to have somewhere that feels like home like the Elric-Mustangs do. Three cats and a dog and people who all love each other.

Kain has so much love to give, and it feels like it has nowhere to go. That's the root cause of his pain, mostly. He's almost sure of it, because every time he's hurting he's always been comforted by the idea of someday being able to call a place home. Every bit of pain in his life aside from the horrors of Fotset has been caused by rejection, and there's really nothing he can do about it except mourn the life he never even got the chance to have. 'Someday' doesn't feel so hopeful anymore, all lost in his pursuit of goals other than his own.

'Someday' doesn't exist - it's just tomorrow after tomorrow after tomorrow, each one the same as the last, another tally on the board. As badly as he wants to do right, it seems the love he puts forward simply disappears before it ever even reaches anyone else. No home will have him, and he's trying desperately to find a good, satisfactory substitute just so he can continue to be of service to somebody.

He doesn't demand to know what's tripping Roy up. It seems troubling, and not his business, and by the next second the man's changed the topic to giving him permission to stay.

"... Is what you're after what's best for you, or is it what's best for everyone? It's a good cause. I just..."

Just what?

It's a filler word to let him think. That's all. He does need to finish his sentence though - Roy's too observant of a person to let it hang unfinished, because Kain isn't exactly smooth enough to get himself out of any hole he digs.

"I don't really think there's a happy or safe ending for me, if I'm being honest. I think something's just... wrong with me, I guess. Because if it's just one person who turns their back on someone, it's them that's the problem. But... what about when it's everyone? Then surely the problem isn't everyone in the whole country, right? It's that person. I'm that person. Here, though... Kumo is nice. He doesn't even really want anything from me. He just floats in and talks about whatever and says pretty words. Like a friend, maybe? And I like that, stupid as it sounds. Closest I've gotten before Kumo is L-" Wrong. He isn't a lieutenant anymore. Kain keeps forgetting - it feels weird to address the man as anything but a superior even away from his presence.

"-is Havoc, but he's just kinda like that all the time to everyone because he's so easygoing, and I don't... I don't really think he'd want to hear from me. But- uh... yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to talk too much. Or bring up anything sad. It's just hard to figure out what to do when it all seems like the wrong answer. Nothing makes sense to me anymore."

Kain tries to imagine a full household for a moment.

What would sisters or brothers be like? He's got no idea, so anything he pictures would be just a best guess anyway.

"My house was always empty. Big, too - talking in certain spots made it echo off the floor. I didn't like it, so I didn't talk much and I stayed in my room or out of the house."

He's never spoken about his childhood, not really. This is the most detail he recalls ever giving someone, and it's... not even that telling of a detail, at least in his opinion. The conversation moves on, and Roy asks about Chicken. It puts a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, he's a chocobo. Just a baby one. A little guy, if you will. His name is Chicken," he explains, and upon hearing his name, the bird lifts his head briefly.

Just like that, though, the smile is gone as fast as it had come.

Is now the time to tell Roy that he's not sure if he will be tagging along?

'It's not like he'll be too upset about it,' he tells himself, and that's probably his biggest problem other than being branded a traitor.

"Yeah, I know Al," he replies, though his voice feels detached from himself now. All semblance of a tone and an expression have left. This happens sometimes nowadays, whenever he slips.

Another byproduct of a pointless war, he assumes, but at least being numbed out is better than being explosive. At least his brain is kind enough sometimes to shut down all the nonessential functions, all the emotions that make life so incredibly hard to navigate.

"Kweh?" Chicken calls, turning to tug at his owner's sleeve as if reminding him not to stray too far from the conversation.

He looks down, petting him with his other hand. It seems too big to belong to him, somehow, despite the fact he looks at it every day. "I'm alright, buddy. Don't worry."

Another second passes, or maybe it's a full minute before he puts a less-than-natural smile back on his face to look at Roy again. It isn't like small increments of time passing are easy to figure out even when he is entirely present.

Either way, he feels it irrelevant information to bother telling Roy, so he moves past it.

"What are the cats' names?"

[pink-surftable]

Initials (Pt. 4) | Kaz Brekker

kaz brekker x fem!reader

ps: english is not my first language so if there are some gramatical mistakes i would love if you pointed them out so i can improve.

hi everyone here’s part 4!!! just wanted to say a big thank you to all of you. i’m amazed by the amount of notes, coments and new followers! i love you all <3 next part it’s the last!!!!!

warning: i think kaz is a bit ooc in this one but it’s nothing crazy don’t worry! and also pekka mentions kaz’s brother but i’m not sure if he knows about him so i’m sorry if that’s wrong.

part 3

summary: after a mission goes wrong kaz does everything in his power to save you.

——————————————————————————

The sight in front of him made Kaz Brekker shiver.

He didn’t know if it was from anger or pain or heartbreak, but seeing you there in that chair all beat up, made him want to throw up.

“Finally. The party can start now” Pekka said with an amused tone “The lady and I were getting a bit bored up here, Brekker. I thought we’d have to find a way to entertain ourselves” He said standing behind Y/N and putting his hands on her shoulders while he rested his head on top of hers.

The mere mention of his name made you look up. Kaz looked away. He couldn’t bear it. The thought of tha man touching her.

“Let her go. You wanted me. Here I am” the man snickered “Oh, but what’s the fun in that? Please, Brekker sit down, I believe we have business to discuss”

The last thing he wanted was to spend any more time in that place. He wanted to get Y/N and get out and then kill that man for hurting her. But he knew he had to obey if he wanted this to work out, so he took a step closer and sat on one of the chairs.

Pekka remained leaning in front of his desk, not far from where Kaz’s was sitting

“What do you want, Rollins? What is it that you want to let her go?” Kaz snapped. If he didn’t get an answer soon he was gonna explode right there.

“Mmm, you know, I’m not quite sure. Seeing you tremble at the sight of you girl all beaten up has been a gift on it’s own. So I wonder what else could I do to this poor girl that would make you tick even more?” Pekka said standing straight and circling your body as he traced your shoulders with his hands, placing some hairs behind your ear and tracing your lips. But this time you didn’t do anything. You didn’t have the strength to move. You felt weak and ashamed. You hated the way he touched you. Like you were his. Like he could do what he wanted with you.

Kaz was staring. Brows furrowed and knuckles white from the deadly grip he had on his cane. He was able to get a better look at her now.

She was badly injured. Her arms and legs scattered with bruises. Her once white shirt was now ripped and soaked red. Blood was dripping from her lower lip. But what stood out to Kaz was her waist, his initials clearly visible in her skin. That made him lose his composure. His eyes widened and if looks could kill Pekka Rollins would be deep underground right that instant.

“Oh come on! You don’t like it either? Isn’t she yours Brekker? Don’t you go around threatening people at the mere mention of her name? I thought you liked getting your things marked up” He said as he traced the initials on your skin with his fingers.

“You should be thankful they are yours Brekker. I could’ve easily carved mine. Don’t you think? I mean personally I think mine would’ve looked much better on you sweetheart” Kaz looked at you and at that moment he felt his heart stop. You were crying. Maybe from pain, maybe from exhaustion, he didn’t know. The only thing he was certain was that he would bury that man for what he’d done. For what he was saying to you. For what he was implying. For the way he talked as if you were a simple object in the room.

But deep down he knew. Everything was his fault.

He was keeping you there in the hell that was Ketterdam. He was the one putting you in danger on impossible missions. He was at fault for all the suffering you’ve gone through in the last couple of hours.

A single tear ran down Kaz Brekker’s face and Pekka Rollins couldn’t contain his amusement any longer.

“Wow, that was emotional, even for you Brekker. I mean I knew she was definitely your weakness but I didn’t know I just had to tie a girl up and push her around a little for you to submit so easily” At that Kaz’s eyes snapped right back at him.

Gripping his cane he shoved it into Pekka’s chest. “Don’t talk about her like that. Don’t touch her like that. Don’t even breathe in her direction ever again or I swear to all Saints I will burn this whole place down along with you. She’s mine”

“Oh, but I thought you didn’t like her being marked up” He answered almost laughing.

“Calm down boy, we haven’t finished with our proper business” He said lightly shoving Kaz off of him and going to sit on his desk ”Now tell me, what do you have to offer?”

Your eyes widened when you saw the paper. The Crow Club. “Kaz” You snapped. Both men glanced at you “Don’t Kaz. I know how much that means to you. You shouldn’t do it. It’s not worth it”

“It’s worthy for you” He replied showing such an immense amount of vulnerability you thought you were dreaming.

Pekka rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed “Ah young love isn’t it cute. I think your pretty Club would be a nice payment. But it’s just not enough” He said, reaching for something in one of his drawers.

“You know Brekker, to be fair the only thing I’ve always wanted from you was just to simply see you break. Your brother, your Crows and now your girl. You’ll see everyone you love, everyone you care for, fall right in front of your eyes and with the weight of shame and blame on your shoulders you’ll be the last to fall, after witnessing it all” Now he was approaching your body with a gun in his hands.

You were doing your best, putting all your strength into freeing yourself but you just couldn't do it. You thought that was it, so you looked Kaz right in the eyes and said “Kaz Brekker, I love you no matter what. This isn’t your fault, none of this is. I love you. Don’t ever forget that, but don’t mourn me either. Hang onto my love but not to the fact that I’m gone”

He couldn’t hold it any more. He couldn’t pretend to be strong any longer and Kaz Brekker stared right into your eyes like he was seeing a ghost. His blue eyes were so cold and lifeless you could feel a chill down your bones.

“Isn’t she the sweetest?” Pekka said, finally pointing his gun at you, when suddenly you heard a big explosion going off and then the door busted open.

taglist: @heavenlymidnight @06072543 @thefandomplace @aleksanderwh0r3 @kykymyeon @rika90 @otterly-fey @cc13723things @starxqt

[yandere-mha]

How would Yandere Dabi react fo Y/N protecting him? Let's put a scenario that Y/N is a villian but protected of the League of Villians. She is sweet to Toga, takes care of Spinner, jokingly annoys Shigaraki only when he is in a good mood, and make sure everyone is alright. Y/N gives out motherly vibes where Toga jokes around of Y/N being a mom. Dabi catching feelings next he is fighting a hero. He got badly injured and Y/N step in protecting him. Taking a few blows for Dabi and killing the hero. Y/N helps Dabi to get up and says, "You got to stop being so reckless. I want to protect you but you keep throwing yourself in danger. "

Ughhhh I love this request so much. I really hope you like this and that my writing is worthy of your genius brain 🙏

TW: ABUSE MENTION, KIDNAPPING, VIOLENCE, BLOOD MENTION, MENTAL ILLNESS.

MAJOR BNHA MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD.

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Toya was numb. His whole world was bleak, meaningless, and utterly isolated. He had no family, ambitions, or sense of self. No one cared about him or any of the terrible things that had been done to him and he didn’t care as well. There was nothing. He didn’t care about anyone else either. Whether he lived or died didn’t matter because he just existed. He may as well be dead, according to his family who had moved on. There was no justice. There was no love. There was no identity. His identity was to be the number one hero, but that had been ripped from him long ago. Toya was too tired to care.

Dabi was angry. Sometimes he became so angry and violent that he would scare himself. He would feel everything at once to the point where he couldn’t breathe. He mourned over the death of his purpose in life and over the death of the plucky little kid who would never give up. He wasn’t that kid anymore and he didn’t like what he’d become. Dabi wasn’t really him though... Dabi was Endeavor. Endeavor made him and he wants more than anything to make him see the consequences of his actions since his family didn’t care enough about him to do that themselves. Why did they forget me? Did I not even mean anything to them alive? He’ll make them pay too. He’s found a new identity and he couldn’t be more happy

You... were warm. When he looked at your beautiful face he felt as if he should look away because he didn’t deserve to see you. He wished you couldn’t see him, yet he craved for you to just look at him. You filled a void within Toya and suddenly he wasn’t so lonely anymore. How could you love someone who wasn’t even a person? Maybe he really was a person. You were so perfect... it pissed Dabi off. You reminded Dabi that he would never be good enough for that kind of love. He would always be second and he was just waiting for the moment you’d replace him with someone else. You’d forget about him just like his family did. You scared him but he couldn’t stay away. Life was unbearable without you. How could you make him feel that way? Hasn’t he already been through enough? You shouldn’t play with people’s feelings, ya know...

What was really cruel was how much you must love to toy with him. You knew how much he needed you - ALL of you, and yet you looked at other people too. He never told you about his feelings but why should he have to when he knew that you knew. You knew of how much pain you were causing him and you didn’t care. Why must everyone treat him like this? He knew there were no good people in the world and yet he let himself fall for you. How pathetic. How weak. He needed to show you what happens when you cross him. He’s tried of being weak and you make him look like some love-sick fool.

When you sacrificed yourself for him, all he could do was laugh. He screamed in pain as he laughed until he felt his face fall apart and his lungs felt like they were about to fall out of his body. It was funny how fucking desperate you were to hurt him that you’d actually hurt yourself like this. What the fuck would he do if he lost you, huh? Who would he be after you were gone? He clamped his hands over your battered form as tightly as he could screaming in your face in the way an animal would scream after being shot. He knew his face was bleeding all over you, mixing with your own blood. It made his heart flutter being so close to you.

After scanning your dumbfounded face, his laughter began to die down and he affectionately swiped a loose strand of hair out of your face to get a better look at you. He really was a tool, huh? He can’t be mad at you for long. You were his wife after all even if you pretended not to know that and he’d be there to protect you no matter how much you piss him off sometimes. Your love truly was written in the stars and no matter what happened, you would always end up together - till death do you part. He remembered all the times he’d dreamed about having a wife as a child and he smiled softly. He was flattered that anyone would care enough about him to do something like this even if it was to hurt him. You must hate him and love him too. 

“You gotta stop being so reckless. I want to protect you but you keep throwing yourself into danger like some fucking dumbass. If you really want my attention so bad, you should have just said so.” 

That was fun and all, but he can’t have you doing that again. You’re gonna be at his place for a long time and he’ll make sure to think of a proper punishment for you too. You have to learn your lesson and hold yourself accountable.

[imasimpforshanks]

hi! i love your stuff so very much!!

can i request the angst alphabet with zoro?

thank uuuuu ❤️

Angst Alphabet - Roronoa Zoro

a/n: hiya!!! thank y’all so much!!<3 hope you enjoy this 😌

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

He may not blame himself entirely if you were to die in an accident. But Zoro would think himself weak. How could he possibly become the words greatest swordsman if he can’t even protect his s/o.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

Before breaking up with you Zoro would start to distance himself a little to try and make it easier on the both of you for when he does break up with you. Other than that, he is likely to just come right out and say exactly what he wants to say. He’s brutally honest and straightforward so he won’t try to sugar coat anything or beat around the bush.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

Zoro does this horrible thing where he likes to overwork himself to the point of exhaustion. No matter how many times you tell him to stop and express your concerns for his health, he just doesn’t listen. It hurts seeing the man you love more than anything exhausting himself.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

Speaking of overworking, after your death he works himself harder than he ever has before. Day in, day out he’s training. He trains every possible minute to distract himself from your death and make himself stronger to ensure he never loses a loved one ever again.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

Being openly vulnerable is something Zoro doesn’t like to do. He really only shows his vulnerable side with his s/o and even then, it took him a really long time to do it.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

Very rarely do your fights get serious. Your fights are often just light-hearted teases and jokes towards one another. Where its always followed by laughter or eye rolls.

If your fight was to get serious, it would result in a lot of yelling at one another and with Zoros blunt personality, a lot of hurtful words (which he ALWAYS apologizes for in the end).

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

The events of Sabaody weigh heavily on Zoro’s mind. He was the first one to get sent away by Kuma, so feels as though he failed not only his captain, but the whole crew as well. He wasn’t there to protect them, to help them. Instead, he was a complete failure. And, because of his weakness his captain had to fight and suffer alone.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

During a break-up Zoro does what he would in any other situation: workout. He keeps himself occupied by working out, and actually he drinks a little bit more than usual too. It could even get to the point where the rest of the crew feels as though they need to step in.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?).

He turns dark. Basically, a demon in human form. Moves you from wherever you are so that you’re out of the way of more danger AND THEN HE TIES HIS BANDANA ROUND HIS HEAD BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

Its ridiculously obvious when this swordsman is jealous. He gets super grumpy and tries to intimidate the other person. He’ll stand right behind you and honestly, that’s intimidating enough on its own. But, if the other person doesn’t get the hint he’ll place his hand, ever so casually, on his swords.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Ever since joining the Straw Hats, Zoro doesn’t kill others (its not something Luffy wants his nakama to do, so Zoro doesn’t do it). However, that mindset goes straight out the window depending on who he’s taking revenge for (i.e if it’s for his s/o).

Most of the time Zoro just leaves them wishing they were dead. (this seems to be a common thing amongst One Piece characters).

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

I would actually say losing some of his pride. Zoro is a poud man, who refuses to lower his head to anyone. However, after receiving the message from Luffy to train and meet up again in two years, Zoro knew he had to lower his and beg Mihawk for his guidance. It was definitely a hit on his pride, but, honestly… He doesn’t regret that one bit – anything for his captain.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?).

During one of the few big fights you guys have had things got really heated and the fight ended up getting so off topic. Insults and mean words were being thrown out left and right. Zoro got so caught up in it all that he said something that targeted one of your deepest insecurities. He knew he had screwed up so badly when you walked away without even saying anything.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?).

He doesn’t often get nightmares, but when he does they tend to be about Sabaody and when the crew got separated from one another (or really any other incident where he was unable to help properly). After he wakes up, he gets straight out of bed and starts working out – determined to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

Zoro doesn’t get mad at you for much, mainly if you pay any attention to that shitty cook, like seriously, he doesn’t understand why you have to give Sanji any attention when Zoro is literally your boyfriend….

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

Even though you never found out exactly what happened on Thriller Bark (its something Zoro refuses to tell even you), it made you realize that you need to step up and not rely on Zoro so much because although he may act like it, he’s not actually indestructible.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?).

(SORRY I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING VERY REPETITIVE HERE AH BUT YEAH…) He never allows himself to heal from an injury properly. He always starts training immediately despite Chopper’s best attempts to stop him.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around)).

If you were to reject his confession, he’d probably try to justify it to himself by saying “yeah actually it’s probably better this way. I don’t need anymore distractions in life.” But, he would definitely be a little down in the dumps about it. He made himself vulnerable for this and it didn’t work the way he wanted.

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Zoro has many scars. The scar over his left eye was a result of his two years of training with Mihawk, though no one knows the exact cause of it – only that it appeared during those two years. Zoro also has a scar on his chest from his very first encounter with Mihawk. He may also have scars on his ankles from the time he tried to chop of his own legs on Little Garden (I can’t recall if these are actually scars or if they healed completely).

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?).

This answer is short and sweet: No. Never. Not even in his wildest of dreams. Loyalty is basically Zoro’s entire character. He would never violate your trust. If he did… well Zoro, wouldn’t be Zoro anymore. (only thing he’s done that comes close is keep you from finding out what really happened to him on Thriller Bark).

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

Honestly, he is probably one of the few who are able to cope with missing you the longest. He still wants to see you of course – your presence is reassuring, so he definitely prefers when you are around – but he can handle not seeing you for a while by focusing on the task at hand and just remembering that this separation isn’t permanent.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?).

Similar to what I’ve said before, he says some really harsh things. He has always been blunt and straightforward, but when he’s lashing out at you he tends to make things a little more personal.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?).

Zoro hates losing. Not because he’s competitive or anything but because losing makes him feel weak. Whenever he loses he feels so far away from his goal. To make up for this he works out. He trains and trains and trains until he can no longer move. He will keep going until he never loses another fight.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

Obviously, he shows his hate of Sanji very frequently. The two pirates are constantly arguing and at one anothers throat.

But another thing he hates is people getting in the way of his dream. He agreed to join Luffy so long as he didn’t get in the way of his dream – and if luffy were to get in the way Zoro made him promise to commit seppuku (although whether or not I think Zoro would actually make him do that anymore is a different thing that I could go on about for a while so imma stop there…).

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

Zoro wants to be the world’s greatest/strongest swordsman. It’s not currently a title he can have, however, day-by-day he is getting just that much closer.

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

I don’t think a lot is said or done by Zoro in your final moments. He probably whispers a few thank you’s and I’m sorry’s. He won’t mourn properly until he’s completely alone.

[astriefer]

Please have this messy, badly written scenario as a humble gift to you, because I wanted to do something since I reached 200 followers!

Bits of Truth

They stood in front of the Carstairs' townhouse in Cornwall Gardens. Christopher seemed mildly confused about what they were doing there as if he had not been paying attention. James shared one last glance with Thomas before he knocked on the door.

A few bits of silence flew by, in which they had held their breaths. Then footsteps tapped on the floor, and the door cracked open.

A wave of relief passed through James that not Sona nor Risa or any other maid came to open the door. Then he thought what a peculiar thought it was for him to be relieved by. Alastair looked at them, frozen in place, blinking a few times as if he didn't believe they were truly there. He rejoined his composure hastily. He didn't let them in - he stood in the front door and his eyes searched theirs for an explanation. It was like a weird staring contest. Eventually, Alastair spoke first. "Cordelia is not here. You know it fairly well."

He moved to close the door. "We haven't come for Cordelia," he said quickly, which received another incredulous glance from Alastair. "Well, we have. But not because we thought she'd show up here. We came to talk to you."

Alastair narrowed his eyes, expressionless, and considered James. Then he glanced at Christopher and Thomas, noting their desperate eyes. "About my sister?"

"We won't take long," promised James, despite he wasn't sure it's true. Alastair studied him, and James felt himself going rigid. He leveled Alastair with his indecipherable gaze.

Then Alastair had stepped back from the door and ushered them in. "My mother is in her bedroom, resting, and Risa went shopping for supper. So, you have to be quiet. Make it quick.'

~~~~

Alastair took their coats and tilted his head towered the parlor. A kettle whiselted in the kitchen. As he gestured them inside he turned the other way. A fire burned in the chimney, and a book rested peacefully on the armchair. When James examined closer he discovered it was written in Persian. Thomas mumbled something about Persian poetry.

Alastair came inside with a tray and James thought he was, for a change, being hospitable, but he ignored them and disappeared up the stairs. When he got back, empty-handed, James assumed the tea was for his mother. Alastair placed the book on the table as he sat down in front of them. Thomas and Christopher set on a love sofa and James set stoned on another armchair. He didn't waste time being the kind host, James presumed. "What it is about my sister?"

The golden-eyed boy decided the best tactic was started from what he knew. That wasn't much, but it was the most important thing, and he was certain about it, at the very least. "I love your sister."

Alastair raised his eyebrows, amused. "Yes, that's something that tends to happen between married couples, I've been told."

James shook his head. "This marriage, of Cordelia and I," just saying her name on his lips made a treacherous skip of his heartbeat, full of hurt and love. "It was a sham marriage."

Alastair pools of dark marble were fixed on James when he explained, rather awkwardly, the events that led to their marriage. And then events that led to Cordelia leaving the country. He prospected Alastair would be outraged, throw spears at them, maybe even recite some very angry poetry phrases in Persian. Instead, Alastair was very still for very long. When he did speak, the words weren't the James expected them to be. "I knew the marriage wasn't out of love," Alastair said calmly. "But I didn't expect you to tell all that rubbish."

James blinked. "It's the truth."

"Oh, I know," Alastair returned with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I doubt you would come up with such a ludicrous idea on your own, even if just to spite me. and I also know Cordelia wouldn't have slept with you unwedded, no matter how much she loved you."

All the thieves caught their breath when Alastair leaned forward, his month curving in an odd angle. "I also know being married to you was a wish she never thought would come true, and that you cared for her. You claimed her as yours and you defended her. It was good for Cordelia, and so I said nothing."

James snorted, although he hadn't found the conversation funny. Not the least. "I thought I loved Grace at that time. I felt bad when the thought of living with Cordelia was more appealing than I expected." The thought of Grace made his features harden. "And because of Grace, for years I've been blind. Manipulated. I lost my wife and Parabatai. She played with me like a doll; messed with my feelings, messed with my life. This is unforgivable."

He did not notice Christopher who tensed up and fixed his spectacles on his nose. "She did some bad things," he said, surprising them all. "But I don't think she's evil."

James furrowed his brow. "She's like a siren: beautiful and compelling, but going after her will only end in you being drowned."

"I see," Alastair said, turning back to James. "But why? Why did she do it?"

"Does it matter?" James asked. "She hurt so many people. She doesn't even deserve to apologize. It won't matter anyhow - the damage is done. After all she has done...sorry will never be enough. Nothing will."

"It matters," Alastair said. "Because you don't know her side of the tale. You don't know what she thinks. What she feels. You don't know if she had to do what she did."

He was tempted to say Grace has no feelings at all. "I believe I'm allowed to be angry."

"I do agree that what she had done to you is far above a jest or a play with hearts," there was a strange flame burning in the deep ponds of Alastair's dark eyes. "And you have no obligation to forgive her. But why not hear what she has to say? You are the one with the power. You know the truth. She can not affect you any longer."

James shook his head. "You don't know Grace," he said coldly, gravely. "She will try to use me. She will try and make me do as she wishes. I will not be a pawn in her game again. She controlled my life long enough."

Alastair glanced away, pondering over something. Thomas turned his head nervously between James and Alastair. For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Thomas inquired, "Why do you insist James will hear her out?"

"You have no idea of her motives," Alastair retorted. "What she's done - she must know it's wrong. And she will have to live with this knowledge for the rest of her days. You are allowed to be angry, James, and rightfully so. But don't let it blind you. That you have been kept from certain kinds of evil doesn't mean everyone else had. You have no clue what led her to those decisions." Alastair looked distanced. James managed to guess he's not been talking only about Grace. "You should talk to her. You may not forgive her, but you deserve to understand, to know why to hear the plain truth. And you should let her mourn what she could have had and lost."

James wasn't sure he fully comprehended. "I wouldn't have loved her. Even without the bracelet issue - my heart belongs to Cordelia."

"What do you mean?" Christopher asked. "That not everyone had been kept from evil."

Alastair shrugged. "I met Tatiana Blackthorn only once. She's a madwoman. She doesn't seem like the kind of caring, kind mother to pet her daughter's shoulder. Besides, Grace seemed to be controlled by Tatiana, rather than working alone or alongside her."

"She took the love of my life away from me," James growled. "Nothing can atone for that."

"The love of your life is my sister," he reminded James. "I can hardly find the idea of her being heartbroken a good thing. And the one who caused this pain is not much liked, as well. But you shouldn't think that just because you would've done it otherwise, it was an option for her. You can't know what are the options in front of people. You can't know how they feel unless you talk to them. So talk to Grace, James. Then seek out my sister. If you love her like you claim you do, will you give up on her so easily?"

"No," James stood up, "I will not."

Alastair nodded. "why did you come and tell me about your little schemes? Why now?"

Now, after so much time of lying, why tell the truth? Why not keep it in its cage of delicately made lies?

James cut his gaze to the book on the table. Thomas answered instead in a quiet voice. "She is your sister. You must have been worried about her. We wanted to tell you because - because you deserve to know the truth and understand why things happened the way they did."

What Thomas did not say was what none of them wanted to admit. Cordelia ran away to Paris with Matthew. Even if she'll be back in only two weeks - they all were worried sick. James couldn't blame her, he was awful and blind. All of this was a mess. If she needed time to calm down in Paris, he couldn't deny it of her, even if he had a say in this choice.

Alastair studied Thomas, and James felt the half-Persian hadn't quite believed them. It was true - they needed his help in the future. But it was a start. "Anything else? A ghost friend? Another evil aunt?"

"No," Christopher affirmed.

"Good," Alastair said. James might have imagined it but he thought he saw Alastair sneak a glance at Thomas before standing up. "Now get out of my house. Risa will be here any minute."

~~~~

I- how?? Thank you so much, everyone!! 🙈 Thank you, you can't understand how much it means to me. 🥺

This is mind-blowing. Truly. For whatever reason you follow me, know that I love you <3

Tagging some of my mutuals, you are all wonderful and make my time here so much better (not all of them because my brain is all wonky, but I mean all of you): @kit-12 @littlx-songbxrd @pink-party-dino @shadowhuntertrash @gummybears-4u @itsdaughterofthemoon @mcrrythievcs @fictionally-fantastic @reyna-herondale I'll tag more but I don't want to bother anyone so... thank you!! I don't know what people find in my blog, but I am grateful, and I appreciate all of you endlessly.

[marygaby25]

Warning: a lot of text 

Okay. I know it took me a long time to post about this, but I wanted to organize my thoughts well. I don't like to be writing with my head hot, angry, disappointed, frustrated and sad. Waiting to not have those feelings I was never going to write this. With that cleared up let's talk about "What If?"

To say I wasn't expecting Sharon to be treated badly again would be lying. I was surprised that she showed up and relatively everything was fine (until she was killed obviously). I'm not going to lie it gave me hope, but what surprised me were the writer's words saying that he killed Sharon because he likes Steggy and that he wanted to give her a more grotesque death that Sharon had "Because Steve is Peggy's."

I will admit that I moved a little further away from the UCM series and its projects after "The Falcon and The Winter Soldier" Sharon was damaged and harmed again by making her a villain, the writer threw away the work that Emily had done saying that Sharon's moral code was too strong. Not to mention, Sharon has never and never been a villain at will (when she "killed" Steve in Civil War Sharon was under Faust's control) and the power broker is another character in the comics.

Again I walked away a bit more after watching the BlackWidow movie because we never saw that funeral that Nastasha deserved, just a grave with flowers left by people. We never got to see a funeral like Tony's or Yondu's, not even in her movie did they take the time to give her that moment.

I confess I was just reading the synopsis and watching summaries of the series. I watched the Zombie episode because a friend told me "you will be pleasantly surprised and heartbroken at the same time''. So I made the decision to give "What if?" a chance.

Everything was going well, more than well because I was watching Sharon (I almost died of happiness), I see Happy's death and Sharon apologizing and I got sad, but it was going more or less well.... Until I see how Okoye kills Sam, she apologizes to Bucky for killing him and the only thing she replies is something like she's not sad about it...

WTF!!!!  The chapter is set between civil war and infinity war, Sam at that point had already risked his freedom and his life for Bucky. Bucky makes that comment so out of place, cold and ungrateful after Sam helped save him.

I keep watching because I thought it couldn't get any worse HA, HA, HA I'm such a fool for thinking that.

After a while I notice Sharon in the last car of the train, and what goes through my mind is, "Why is she alone in the last car if she only has Tony's glove and not the gun?". She heard the blow and immediately already knew the worst was yet to come, it was all downhill from there.

It is Steve who kills her. At the time I think it's kind of poetic because in the line of movies he took it upon himself to kill the idealistic and innocent Sharon Carter; by abandoning her the two years of fugitives and not looking for her. I guess watching deep movies like "The Shape of Water" and expecting that from Marvel was asking a lot.

Bucky kills Steve and apologizes, but Sam doesn't give him an ounce of grief for his death and Hope blows Sharon up from the inside. It was atrocious, but it's a zombie chapter my naive mind imagined there would be crueler and darker things. There was something just as dark if not darker which was Vision feeding off innocents to Wanda.

Let's continue watching the chapter and let's count how some characters died.

Well, Hope dies sacrificing herself I think it was a dignified death, it follows the death of Okoye who sacrifices herself for her king, I thought it was a normal thing because doremilages are supposed to fight for their kingdom and their king with their life. I hated that he said it was his fault for separating them, because no character objected when he gave the order, only Peter and in a joking tone. Follow up with the death of Kurt, Vision and Bucky. Simply Bucky's death this time for that action towards Sam, it didn't hurt. 

The chapter ends with them with a possible cure and heading to wakanda where zombie thanos was waiting for them.

The bitterness that the chapter left me with was immense. The cruelest death and followed by joke was Sharon's, to the point that they minimized it and placed it to finish diverting Sharon's attention by exploiting everywhere the infected Hope scene. Sam's was the most blatant because it's not subliminal, it's direct with the words of "Bucky" saying he didn't care. I put Bucky in quotes because we all know it was the screenwriter, the Bucky we know in the MCU and comics wouldn't say that.

I thought I was paranoid suspecting Sharon's death was the cruelest and least taken seriously apropos...until I hear about the interview and realize how unprofessional the screenwriter is. What hypocrisy to say he loves Sharon on twitter after what he stated in the interview. I expected Matthew Chauncey to keep his word, not like a coward that when he gets caught he backs down seeing that he screwed up and we don't support him. 

What happened in the series and in that interview is an example that the bad treatment of Sharon exists. It is not something invented by the fans, it is something on the part of the directors, writers and actors. I still don't forget Hayley Atwell's comment who said that peggy seeing that kiss in Civil War that Steve gave Sharon Peggy would revive, she would shoot Steve and Sharon would get beaten up.

I think Hayley,the writers and directors forgot that Peggy was happy with Daniel Sousa as far as we knew, even though in Agents of SHIELD they put Daniel with Quake.... It doesn't make sense, but as always they didn't want to let the series die and they tried hard to keep up with the ucm no matter that it would damage the plot of the series, which was what they should focus on (I don't know if the series is canon anymore because they even uploaded it to Disney plus).

the scriptwriters had never seen the series of agent Carter nor any of Peggy's comics (she doesn't have comics, but she has appearances) because she loves her niece, the little that comes out makes it clear. I'm not going to ask you to read all the comics either, just the most recent one where Agatha tells Steve a little more about the daughters of liberty and that possibly for Peggy Steve was just her first mission, maybe he's a good friend, for her and no more from there. Fun fact, at the end I didn't see Peggy angry trying to shoot them while they were sitting in the garden with Sharon and Steve for being together.  Even when Steve found out she was alive he had no indication of leaving Sharon or getting romantically excited, rather he was walking around angry at Peggy , Sam and Bucky for not telling him about the risk to Sharon's life (Especially Peggy because it was more personal with her more than Sharon for killing the villain's husband. basically Sharon was kind of a target to somehow hurt Peggy). I imagine if they read it that comic or any other they would be frothing at the mouth.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but I saw "What if ?" and I doubt they will place Sharon as a Skrull, Mystique, mind control or give her a redemption. It's going to happen what happens with UCM villains, they'll kill her off. In fact, something tells me that they will try to make her crueler than the Red Skull to justify a horrible death. In case she's mystique or a Skull they'll probably say she's dead and won't even take the time to show it on screen.

Not only "What if?" made me lose hope "The Falcon and winter Soldier" too, remember I had posted that it looked like Sharon would be the Power Broker, but I doubted they would because she was another character in the comics. Well, hearing that statement in the interview anything is possible. By the way, I thank him for screwing Steve, since in the five years of the devastation he never helped Sam's family. I exclude Natasha from this as she was taking care of the avengers; Thor was depressed and didn't even know Sam; Tony had to take care of his family; Rhodey didn't know Sam well enough to know he had a family and Clint was in mourning.

Sorry for the language and clarify that I'm not throwing hate at Hayley, nor the directors and writers just showing that they didn't behave well neither with Sharon, nor with Emily

by the way, remember that meme I posted a while back about no character should be hated because of their shipp, I still hold that thought now more than ever. I think it fits perfectly with the screenwriter's behavior. 

to those who made it this far thank you for reading my ramblings