#i mostly did it this year for nostalgia i guess

[aniseandspearmint]

*makes a small batch of turkey*

*makes sides*

*remembers exactly how much i DON'T LIKE roasted turkey as i take the first bite*

*sigh*

why do i NEVER remember this? I like turkey as a lunch meat, but otherwise? meh

i will have forgotten this again by next year probably

[strawbebbiesart]

201km 🏘️💕🚌

[ghostbustermelanieking]

read tales from the shadowhunter academy for the first time all the way through the other week, and honestly my biggest WTF from that whole situation is... luke dated jace's mom?? HOW did that not come up??

[rewh0re]

─LOVE? I FOUND THAT IN YOU ; MIKAGE REO

-1.4k words, SO much vulnerability from both Reo and reader, they kiss (🤮), smoking, little crying, exes to lovers, angst if you squint really hard tbh, mostly fluff, it was his birthday so I had to write something so here this is, whatever it is tbh. REBLOGS + INTERACTIONS ARE APPRECIATED!!

All Reo ever wanted was you, and to be fair all you ever wanted was him too.

"Since when did you indulge in that?" You knew the source of the voice well. A little too well for your own good.

"Reo," you stated his name as you felt his presence beside you, leaning on the balcony railing much like you had been doing. The only exception was that you held a lit cigarette between your index and middle fingers as you looked at the city below and he kept his gaze fixed on you, a lazy smile on his lips.

You knew you would come across him. It was Nagi's party at the end of the day and wherever Nagi went, Reo was bound to be seen. So you were not really surprised. You just didn't expect him to catch you smoking on the balcony alone, staring at the city lights and the zooming cars below.

"What? Not liking the party very much?" You heard him ask softly, not really earning the courage to look at him yet.

"I just needed a smoke and I needed some time alone. You know that crowds aren't my thing," you sighed, taking a drag off of the harmful stick.

"Yeah I guessed so," you saw him shake his head from your peripheral vision. "Cigarettes then? Really? After being dead against smoking?"

"You don't have to chastise me. I've already been chastised by enough people around," you finally got the courage to look at the man you once called your own. It hurt, truly, it did but you were not really the type to show your hurt. You were never really good at communication or expressing your feelings which led to the downfall of your two year relationship with Reo. Really, you could not even blame him. He tried his best but you were too scared to keep going.

"Oh no I am not chastising you. I don't have the right anymore y/n, I was simply a bit shocked is what," he smiled in a soft and sad manner. It was the same smile he gave you when you left him. You remembered it as clearly as a midsummer's day to be fair. It haunted you day and night.

"Nagi told me something about you that had me quite...well....for the lack of better words, stunned," you seemed nervous, fiddling with the dainty necklace on your neck. Playing with the pendant, you ignored his amused gaze as he hummed in response.

"He told me about a certain picture in your wallet," you tapped the ash of your cigarette and saw it float away with the chilly wind of the night.

"Ah, you mean this," Reo let out a slow chuckle as he reached for the back pocket of his trousers, taking out a leather Gucci wallet. He opened the wallet and took out a picture that was taken last year on his birthday.

You stared at it with something akin to nostalgia in your eyes. It was a Polaroid of the two of you. A cake kept on the table as he kissed your cheek, two widely smiling faces. Times were good back then, you thought.

"I swore I'd keep it with me didn't I?" He chuckled again, keeping the picture back as he put away his wallet to focus his eyes on your face. "I don't really mean to break it anytime soon."

"Why are you doing this to yourself Reo?" You closed your eyes, looking away.

You couldn't stand him. You couldn't stand his perfect self who loved you so perfectly. You couldn't stand how he embraced your flaws, flaws that even you couldn't embrace and always provided solace to you when you felt lost in your own mind. You couldn't stand how even when you left him, he didn't find it in himself to hate you. You never hated him either. All you ever wanted since the day you made the wretched decision to leave him, was to run back and into his arms. To hold onto him like your life depended on it and never let him go, ever again.

"That's a stupid question from someone as smart as you," he put your hair behind your ear, the same look of distinct adoration in his eyes that he had held before.

"Give me that," he took the cigarette from your hand and took a drag out of it bursting out into a fit of cough. His scrunched nose and disgusted look made you laugh. A genuine laugh, that he missed so much.

"God how the fuck do you smoke that, it's absolutely disgusting," he handed the stick back to you.

"Takes a bit of practice but it grows on you," you laughed again.

"You haven't changed a bit Reo," your hands trailed up to his collar, swatting away the bit of ash that had fallen on it. 

"I hope you mean that in a good way," he took a hold of your hand on his collar and brought it up to his lips, leaving a chaste kiss on it.

"I mean that in the best way," you glided your thumb across his lower lip before cupping his cheek. He leaned into it. At the end of the day, Mikage Reo would do anything to receive the slightest tinge of affection from you.

"Come back to me y/n. It's been hell for me these past couple of months and seeing that Marlboro between your lips, I know it has been for you too. Come back, please," he closed his eyes, keeping your hand in its place on his cheek. 

"I'm scared Reo," you finished your cigarette, crushing it under your foot as you pulled his face closer to yours and touched your forehead to his.

"I'm scared I'll ruin us again. I'm scared I'll mess it up for us yet again. I'm scared of hurting you," little tears rolled down your face and your voice turned into a hushed whisper. 

"You could never ever hurt me. You hear me? You complete me, baby. Nothing can ever change that. Whatever problems we'll have, we will sort through it, we will talk it through and whatever problems we have it'll be ours. Our problem y/n, not your or my individual problems, but ours. I want you, I want to go through all of this together with you. Every one of my achievements, I want to achieve them with you standing by my side," he pressed a gentle kiss on your lips, so soft that it could be mistaken for a touch of a feather.

"I want to share a drink with you on the balcony on moonlit nights, I want to laugh at all the cat videos together, I want to eat pizza with you on the kitchen floor when we're both too lazy to cook something. I want you to laugh like a maniac when my mother shows you my childhood pictures and tells the story attached to it as I get embarrassed. I want it all y/n and I want it with you," he finished and you didn't quite know what to say to all that. He always had that effect on you, rendering you speechless.

"Always the flatterer," you wrapped your arms around his neck as you giggled a bit. The night breeze brought a sense of comfort and it was the good old days back again. When you felt safe in his arms and it was just the both of you, basking in the tranquility of the love the both of you shared.

"I want it all Reo. I want it all and I want it with you," you nodded your head vigorously as you smiled at him. He returned a wet smile of his own and wiped away the tears from your eyes.

He kissed you then, in the quiet balcony, in the presence of the moon, the city lights and the zooming cars below, he kissed you slowly and passionately. He relaxed against your lips. How much he missed this, how much he missed you. You both let out hushed giggles in between the kiss just like you did when you had kissed for the first time ever.

You broke away and looked in his eyes, a smile on both of your faces.

They reminded you that you were not alone and that he would be with you. Every path you would travel, you would do it together, just like you had promised before. Every vulnerability of yours would be shared by him. No words were exchanged but the admiration in his face told you whatever you needed to know. They consoled the part of you that yearned to be understood. He would always understand you, he always did. Really, if you ever had to talk about love you would talk about Reo because love was wherever Mikage Reo was. Love would always be where Mikage Reo was.

[dr0wnmyselfinwhiskey]

No one asked for this, but I need to get it out of my system, so here are my thoughts on Rite Here Rite Now (mostly in regard to the lore and what I noticed during the movie, as far as I can remember). This turned out way too long, you’ve been warned.

Seestor must have known for quite a while that she’s gonna die, and prepared for Copia to take over her position

Maybe she invited Mr. Psaltarian to overlook the orderly transition and keep an eye on C when she’s gone. That might also explain his grumpy attitude towards him, I bet playing nanny to a 50+ year old autistic man isn't exactly Psalty's idea of a dream job

Would also make sense if the additional coffin in “Tax Season” was meant for her

Speaking of “Tax Season”, where Copia plays ‘Driving Miss Daisy’. Could that be another hint that Psaltarian is supposed to be the calm and wise character guiding the now ‘widowed’ Copia? Interesting parallel

Another thing about Psaltarian (now that we know his name is written like that): most of the Psalms stem from King David, who, among a lot of other things, is considered the patron of the Meistersinger (master singers) and in the Dies Irae announces the approach of the Final Judgement 👀

Anyway, Sister’s illness was kept hidden from Copia, or maybe he knew but deliberately ignored the signs, and I loved how this was solved visually by having Sister sitting in a baroque chair in all shots from Copia's perspective, but in the counter shots from her perspective you can see the back and the backrest of the wheelchair 💔

During the father-son-conversation between Nihil and Copia (I didn’t cry, you cried), Nihil tells him how he always wanted to entertain people, and he can even do that after he died and then says something like "Do you think I imagined it like this?". Perhaps this indicates that Nihil, now that he's reunited with Sister in the afterlife, is ending his stage career for good and Miasma will be retired from the set list? I hope not, but to me, it sounded a bit like that. Overall, the movie felt to me like a farewell to many characters, especially Sister and Nihil, whose story is concluded by the scooby-doo-esque part during MOAC

Would also fit the overarching theme of the film: letting go, not clinging too much to the ephemeral, coming to terms with the fact that everything in this world is subject to change (a beautiful message, tbh, I totally wasn’t crying about that 🥺)

Speaking of change, I guess by now everyone and their aunt got the hint that Copia is apparently a fucking twin?!?

With this new information, can we just talk about how cruel Copia's naming is? It literally means "copy"? Hello?? Seestor, wtaf?!

Anyway, going by the visuals provided, I’m leaning towards fraternal twins (one blonde, one dark-haired) and there are a lot of theories about who the twin could be

I’m not a fan of the Defroque theory, because I just don’t see how he would be the frontman of the band, as he has an assigned actor with his own face and voice. But on the other hand, I was certain he would play a bigger part in the Ghovie, since he was featured in the JHKM Video and in the teaser-thing they did for Download. But he wasn’t even mentioned?

I love the Terzo theory, although I don’t think that one very likely, given TFs reluctance to repeat things. BUT, I always thought Terzo and Copia looked quite alike, and they are around the same age. And we’re talking about a fictional satanic cult here, there would certainly be ways to bring him back from the dead, so why not?

However, I think this twin storyline is the perfect opportunity to introduce a completely new character, like they did with Copia back in the day. Imagine the door opening and a man standing there with Copia's old face. And Frater Imperator is like ????? (But that might also be just my love and nostalgia for his old look speaking, OG Copia is my babygirl, I don’t think TF will pull that off, again because he doesn’t like to repeat things and C’s old mask was changed for a reason, so why go back?)

TF also said in an interview that he doesn’t want to just have Papa after Papa after Papa. What if the new guy is something else? A bishop? They also wear mitres. Or the whole shadow in the door thing is just TF trolling us again? Or the Romulus & Remus reference was meant literally and Copia and the new guy will try to kill each other? Damn, I’m so excited for whatever that silly swedish man has cooked up in that silly head of his! 🫶

Just one last thing I noticed because on my second viewing I paid close attention to the backstage set and all the trinkets and knick-knacks. Whenever Sister, Copia or Kevin looked at one of those control monitors or TVs, there were VHS boxes in frame. Most of them were titled after the chapters, I saw a “Meanwhile in Dublin” one, and “Tax Season”. But there was also one titled “Ghost in the Trees”. My research only brought up a song from the band “Thee Oh Sees” from 2008, but I couldn’t really make any connection to something Ghost related. Maybe it’s just a song that TF likes that has “Ghost” in the title?

Okay, I think that's it for now. Maybe I'll do an update when RHRN is available digitally, maybe not. This has already taken way too long for nobody to read it anyway.

[wqnwoos]

requested by @som1ig / cw ex!joshua, club setting, mention of “drinks”

the most infuriating thing about joshua is that it’s too hard to be mad at him.

it comes mostly from the fact that he’s so good. he’s genuine and kind and sweet with a. kind of uncommon sincerity — which is exactly how you fell in love with him so long ago.

so no, when you see him from afar for the first time in a year and half, you’re not mad. or angry or bitter or upset. you couldn’t be even if you wanted to be.

sure, there’s something that tugs at your heart a little; wistfulness, maybe. nostalgia. a pang of sadness, and even a fleeting moment of longing. because a year or two ago, you would’ve been right there in the club next to him. his arm wrapped around your waist or his hand laced with yours, but that space — your space — is empty.

joshua still looks okay, though — from far, at least. he’s laughing, throwing his head back, and although there’s absolutely no way you would be able to hear it from this far (with the music thumping and the buzz of conversation swelling around you), you feel like you can hear it. probably laughing at something that seungkwan is saying — seungkwan who you haven’t seen in almost as long as joshua, seungkwan who tried to reach out to you after the breakup, seungkwan who you pushed away, because he was joshua’s friend first and you didn’t want him to have to pick.

stupid of you, really. he wasn’t just joshua’s friend, he was yours too. but it’s too late for that now.

mina, your best friend appears in front of you, waving a hand in front of your eyes, giggling about how you’ve zoned out again — you shake off your feelings, take your drink from her with a laugh, and only protest a little when she drags you to the dance floor.

but it’s when you leave the dance floor, breathless and laughing, heading to rejoin your other friends at the table, that things get a little more complicated. complicated in that you run smack bang into two men — and lo and behold! what a coincidence! it’s joshua and seungkwan.

“___?” their surprised exclamations are synched, but where seungkwan is loudly incredulous, joshua is softly disbelieving.

“oh my god!” seungkwan is already hugging you, and you meet joshua’s eyes over his shoulder, offering him a tentative smile as seungkwan scolds you for not being around anymore.

there’s the brief small talk (“who are you here with?” — “how have you been?” — “are you still with that job?”) and then seungkwan melts away, claiming he has to find soonyoung immediately, leaving you and joshua alone on the edge of a dance floor.

“hey,” he says suddenly, jerking a thumb towards the door. “you want to get some air? catch up where i can actually hear you?”

you don’t really need to think about it, nodding and sending a text to your friends so they know where you are. by the time you two are outside, you’ve received a string of texts ranging from “tell him i say hi!” to “tell him that i’ll throw my heel at him if he hurts you!”

“so?” joshua turns to you with an expectant smile when you guys are finally under the coolness of the night air.

you lean against the wall, parroting the question back to him. “so?”

“you’ve been okay?”

a softer smile takes over your face. “yeah. yeah, i’ve been okay. but — hey, i heard you got promoted, big shot!”

“oh! yeah,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “i got the job.”

“i guess choi seungcheol had nothing on you in the end,” you say, referring to his rivalry with his co-worker, the one he used to affectionately complain about every few days.

you remember that well. he’d launch himself onto you, shifting his head into your lap, talk to you about his day while you played with his hair. speaking of which — “you dyed your hair again,” you observe. it’s a rich, deep red colour, and it suits him well.

“i did! you like?” he runs a hand through it, and then pauses. “hey, remember when you dyed my hair?”

“do i?” you burst out laughing. “fuck, i was so worried i was going to mess it up!”

“you did great,” joshua consoles.

(he was always good at that, comforting you with the smallest things. and the bigger things, too. he was just good, in general.)

your phone vibrates a couple times in your hand. you glance at it, and then at joshua, but before you can even open your mouth, he asks for you — “need to go?”

you offer him an apologetic smile. “sorry. you know how drunk mina gets.”

“has she threatened me with her heels yet?”

“about five times, and it might get to a sixth soon.”

joshua blinks, smiles, and then his brown eyes soften. “god. i am sorry, you know?”

you predicted this, and you wave it off immediately. “don’t be. it was our time, right? couldn’t be changed.”

like the tide. you couldn’t stop it — neither of you could — no matter how much you wanted to.

there was a time limit on the two of you, and that’s how it was meant to be.

“we’re okay, though?” joshua’s eyes, soft and sweet and concerned and a little bit guilty, gaze at you.

you can’t help it; you hug him, carefully. “we’re okay,” you murmur into his shirt — muffled, but by the way his arms tighten around you slightly, you know he’s heard.

you pull away, and smile. “we had something good. as long as you don’t forget that, then we’re okay.”

joshua squeezes your hands, a smile on his face.

“i won’t forget,” he breathes. “we’re okay.”

an after 3748929238 years i’m back!!! i apologise for the wait, especially to may because she has been the SWEETEST in dealing w me and my fickle decisions and late response <3

[winteriron-trash]

pinned faq

hi, my name is roman. i used to be a semi-popular winteriron blog, but now this blog is mostly dead. so. rip, gone but not forgotten. but i still get some pretty common questions so here's a one-stop shop for most of them as well as links to the important things.

My Tumblr Fic Masterlist

My Ao3

My (dead) WinterIron Discord Server

Did you write the Tony Stark wifi tower fic?

yes, i wrote that fic! it is by far the most popular thing i've ever written and it will probably outlive me.

I found that fic on [insert site here], do they have your permission?

probably not, no. i have found that fic everywhere. and i mean everywhere. pinterest, wattpad, facebook, instagram, tiktok, mediachomp, and so on. honestly, it's been years and i can't control or chase down every single copy and i have no interest in doing so. i don't love that it was stolen from me (especially on for-profit sites) but it just is what it is. it's a fanfic rite of passage to have your stuff stolen, honestly.

can i do a translation/podfic/write something inspired by one of your fics/posts?

yes! there is always a blanket permission to do any sort of transformative work with my work, especially my older stuff. if it sparks joy and creativity in you, run wild with it. i prefer to be credited, but honestly, i'm just happy to see my stuff still inspiring people.

will you ever write winteriron/mcu fanfic again?

well, you should never say never. but in this case, you might want to say never. i have very little interest in winteriron or the mcu in general outside of nostalgia, and i likely will never write anything substantial for them again. it's sad, i miss it too, but i just don't have that spark for marvel these days. mostly i write dc comics fanfiction.

did you write [insert winteriron fic/post here]?

idk. maybe. probably. i wrote and posted a lot of things. you can scroll the tag on this blog to find all my old posts, some more popular than others. if you think it was me, chances are, it probably was. i got around a lot from like 2018 to 2020.

do you have a tagging system?

i used to but lord if i'm going to use it now. i don't even remember it, so your guess is as good as mine. tbh i just use tags as a place to ramble these days so navigating my blog is about as easy for you as it is for me. which is to say, it's not easy at all. because tumblr's search function is ass. i do know one of my old tags has my deadname in it. you'll probably find it if you look hard enough, but that is what it is.

are you going to revive this blog?

probably not consistently, no. if i have something i really want to say here, i'll say it, but i don't have much interest in maintaining this like i used to. i want to be able to, i miss posting here a lot, i just don't think it'll spark joy for me the way it used to, which sucks but that's just the way things go.

why did you leave this blog?

idk. life happened. i was an 18-year-old fighting chronic health conditions and mental health issues that led to me dropping out of high school so, tumblr sort of fell to the back burner, then got forgotten about entirely. eventually, i lost interest in the mcu as i felt the quality of it took a turn for the worst and i went back to dc, which i'm still into. i read some marvel comics, enjoy an occasional mcu project, but largely i just don't have the interest i used to. it sucks and i miss it, this blog probably kept me alive as a teenager. but now it's mostly just an archive of my past, and i'm okay with that.

can i talk to you/send you an ask/befriend you anyway?

sure, if you want, don't know if i'm good company though. but i'm always open to making friends and reminiscing about winteriron, marvel, and all that good stuff. i've gotta warn you though, tumblr fucking eats my DMs on this blog like no fucking business. i'm regularly fighting it. my discord is devilbonesofmetal if you wanna yell at me there, just say you're from tumblr.

[leave-your-body]

what is happening

i assume this is about the sudden p!atd blogging. i dont know how much u know and i dont wanna overexplain but basically.

p!atd is my favourite band that i hate and they started back in 2004 with brendon urie, ryan ross, jon walker (eventually) and spencer smith. and they wrote two beautiful albums but it was mostly ryan doing the writing cuz hes a genius Especially considering they went into production for this album barely out of high school. ANYWAYY ryan and jon left the band for 'creative differences' after touring on pretty odd but patd KEPT. GOING. which is whatever. except that as the years went on the bandmates dropped like flies until eventually it was just brendon urie touring on records he didnt even write. and then when he DID write songs they were pure, overproduced shit. and then he finally FINALLY 'broke up' the band (at this point consisting of him and only him) in january of 2023 and we all crossed our fingers and hoped we'd never have to worry about it ever again.

FLASH FORWARD NOT EVEN TWO YEARS LATER!! the 2025 lineup for when we were young fest, a music festival in vegas (that time i hit post limit was last weekend when mcr performed there) AND GUESS WHO WAS FUCKING HEADLINING. panic at the disco. or more accurately brendon at the urie. i HATE HIM. a year and 9 months and hes already crawling back for a nostalgia bait cash grab. because the worst part is apparently theyre performing a fever you cant sweat out, as in their first album, as in the album that ryan ross wrote, as in the album that ISNT BRENDONS and that brendon DIDNT WRITE and while we dont have any news on who p!atd will actually consist of, its soo unlikely that ryan will be involved. i think someone literally met him the other day and he didnt even know what wwwy was. so whatever. WHATEVER!

[gluevah]

90s Beanie-Mania: Do you remember?

I've been feeling nostalgic lately, and this has manifested in a fixation on Beanie babies/buddies, and reading about the beanie baby craze of the 90s. Do you remember this weird little bubble of toy history? How old were you? What do you remember about the beanie craze? Reblog this and show me your 90s/early 00s beanies, buddies, pillow pals, ty classic, etc!

I'll start! I was born in 89, so I basically grew up with beanies. Most of my family also liked them; TY beanies (and buddies later on) were common gifts, and my sister and I had several and enjoyed collecting them to play with. My mom, aunt, cousin, and even my grandma collected them (although I think my grandma's mostly were gifts from other family members, especially my cousin and aunt). My mom would frequently go to "her beanie guy" who owned a collectible store and had beanies for mostly retail I think? Except the ones that were "rare" at the time.

When I was in 3rd grade or so, my mom gave me this unofficial beanie babies collector guide and I was mildly obsessed, I loved looking at all the beanies and reading their poems. I think it got ruined in the Great Bookshelf Flood of 2016 though, but by then it was practically falling apart after years of flipping through pages and poring over which beanies I had, which ones I wanted, which ones were "rare," etc.

I have this one specific memory of my grandma taking me to a collectibles store to get Blizzard the white tiger (I was so excited that they had her!). When my brother was born, and mom and dad brought him home from the hospital, they brought me a Tracker the basset hound beanie buddy, and he was my favorite stuffed animal for most of my childhood after that. At one point, in the mid-90s, my mom started making "beanie baby leashes" out of lengths of rainbow ribbon, big lobster clasps, and D-rings, and those were a hit with us kids!

I now have some of my grandma's beanie collection, including Nanook in the photo, who I've renamed December, after the birthday month my grandma and I shared.

I guess this was just a weird, nostalgia-fueled ramble. But, if you did read this far, thank you, and I really would love to hear stories from other people who remember the 90s beanie baby craze!

[tyrantisterror]

Twitter (or “X”, I guess) is currently losing its mind over a media analysis video that implies King Kong might have some racially charged (or even racist) themes. Thoughts?

I actually talked about this recently here: https://tyrantisterror.tumblr.com/post/730214779314176000/kaiju-twitter-is-currently-in-a-tizzy-because

But I also think King Kong (1933) has a somewhat undeserved sterling reputation in general. Even critics who have otherwise been quick to be hypercritical and dismissive of monster movies talk about King Kong as if it's a "perfect" movie, because historically King Kong has always been considered a classic. And, like, historically speaking, yes, King Kong will always be an important and groundbreaking film. It's a landmark moment in special effects.

But if you take the special effects out of it... you're not really left with much to rave about. The acting in King Kong ranges from passable to outright bad (and racist when you consider the islanders and Charlie the inexplicable Chinese Stereotype cook who exists for... comic relief? I guess?), the characters themselves are thin, the dialogue can be very good but also outright atrocious, and the camerawork (again, outside of special effects) is nothing to rave about. King Kong has a reputation for perfection that's solely hinged on cool special effects and a shitload of nostalgia. It does not have the depth to its storytelling of, say, Godzilla (1954), which had to claw and fight over decades to be reappraised by critics for its many virtues. All King Kong has is groundbreaking special effects.

And those special effects are really good, don't get me wrong. You feel for that monkey before the movie ends, and the wonder and terror of Skull Island's ecosystem of monsters is rightfully iconic. But if you dig past that - and you have to if you want to analyze the movie, because most of it is surface level stuff - you're not left with much to analyze, and what there is to analyze are a bunch of racist tropes that were old and timeworn by the time King Kong was made, and much more so now. Evil black savages who want to sacrifice a white woman because of her enchanting Aryan beauty, a giant ape who's horny for said white woman because of said enchanting Aryan beauty, heroic white men risking everything as they plunder an evil, backwards island of degenerate relics from the past that were best left forgotten, Charlie the Chinese Cook who is exactly as grating a racial stereotype of Chinese people as you'd expect from the 1930's - yeah, all of these tropes have racist roots, and whether or not the racism was intended by the creators doesn't really matter, because they certainly did nothing to try and mitigate it or divorce the tropes from those racist roots. It's a racist movie, an undeniably racist movie, which isn't something that should surprise people because it's from the 19fucking30's.

And that doesn't mean we have to condemn King Kong, and that watching it makes you a problematic Nazi MAGA chud, or that we're not allowed to praise what's good about it (i.e. the special effects). It just means that, maybe, after 90 years of completely untempered praise from all corners of the film world, maybe it's time to admit that King Kong, while still a classic, is not a perfect movie. That it has some flaws. And maybe we can start by admitting the really obvious flaw of it being a movie from the 1930's that reflects the 1930's attitudes about race which were, you know, not great, and then from there we could maybe talk about how it reflects 1930's attitudes about gender (also not great), and then to how the acting in it is mostly bad, and then to how the scriptwriting is... let's say uneven, and then maybe admit that really we just like the monster bits and the rest is kind of forgettable at best, and that Godzilla is a far superior movie in all respects.

But I think what's likely to happen is people will viciously defend the movie without thinking about it critically for a moment, because nuance and honest self reflection is for chumps.

[ochako-deserves-better]

It would be weird- Kacchako (romantic) [Past IzuOcha]

Inspired by this post

Ochako found the better part of her class sitting in a circle on the floor in the common room. Maybe it was nostalgia that compelled them to relive their first bonding night in the dorms, maybe it was sadness at the countdown on their days together. Unlike their first year, however, a slightly-less-grumpy-but-still-grumpy Bakugo joined the festivities (at least mostly) by his own choice. He settled himself diagonal from her, with Kirishima and Mina separating the two.

They joked about the "Dekusquad" and the "Bakusquad," and how the groups blended seamlessly about a third of the way through their second year together. Couples emerged and ended with no animosity. The deep-rooted platonic bond between every member of the group seemed to be indestructible.

...It wasn't like Ochako hadn't thought about it. She's had crushes on a few of her classmates, but was too afraid to risk the fallout should their relationship go sour... even though, as she had mentioned, there hasn't been a nasty break up... ever.

Her current crush has tortured her for nearly a year, her mind consistently plagued with scarlet eyes and the crackle of firecrackers. His passion and drive has always drawn Ochako in, but as their friendship grew, she had seen an endearing side to the boy that had completely captured her heart.

But this was it. In less than a month they'd all be going to their new agencies, potentially never working together again. In less than a month, that secretly sweet smile would no longer live across the hall.

"Girl, are you good?" Mina shook Ochako's shoulder, chasing away the thought.

"Wha-? Oh, yeah, sorry! Just, lost in thought I guess," she trailed off with a laugh.

"So? Truth or dare?" Mina asked, a devious grin on her face.

Ochako swore under her breath. Izuku or Jirou would've given her something low-risk, but Mina was evil in these games. What she chose didn't matter--she was going to reveal something. "Ugh, Mina why me?" she whined. "Fine. Uh, truth? I guess? Please be nice to me."

Mina laughed, "No way. Hmmm," she tapped her index finger to her chin as she thought, glancing at Bakugo before turning back to her.

Shit. Why did she tell Mina she had a thing for Bakugo??

"Why haven't you dated anyone since your two dates with Midoriya? And I know for a fact it's not that you still like him," she teased. Ochako and Midoriya decided together that they loved each other in a strictly platonic way after a catastrophic attempt at kissing each other.

"Mina, please," Ochako cried, her face blooming in red as her friends laughed. She knew that all eyes were on her, but Bakugo's gaze burned into the side of her face, forcing her to look at the floor to avoid making eye contact.

"Wait! Mina, do you know who she likes?!" Hagakure called out, gloved hands flying up to cover her mouth [assumedly].

Ochako whined, admitting to the whole group that yes, she had feelings for someone, and yes, Mina knew their identity.

"I am sworn to secrecy," Mina shook her head, "So, O.cha.ko.chan?" she sang sweetly. "Why are you still single?"

Ochako buried her head in her hands, "I dunno," she admitted after collecting herself, "We've gotten really close as friends and... it'd be weird."

"How do you know?" a new voice spoke up, making Ochako's heart stutter. She snapped her head up, staring at Bakugo with wild eyes. "You're running out of time, Cheeks. You really okay with never knowing if they feel the same way?"

Oh God. Oh no. He knew. He definitely knew. "I don't. uh. I don't think it's mutual so."

"But you don't know?" Bakugo countered. Ochako swore everyone else disappeared, suddenly it was just Bakugo and Ochako, face to face.

"I guess not?" Ochako stammered out, "um. I-- I need to get a drink or uh. I'll be right back, someone else take my turn for me." She rose from her spot, half skipping out of the room to try to play off her panic.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mina scoot around Kirishima.

In the kitchen, Ochako grabbed two ice packs and all but slammed them against her face. The cold sensation made her gasp, but she needed something, anything to think about except what just happened. She needed to calm down, and quickly.

She startled when the kitchen door slammed open. She felt two hands clap on her shoulder and spin her around. "What did Mina mean by--" Bakugo started to snap, before his eyes focused on the icepacks "What the fuck are you doing."

Ochako stared at him, mouth agape. "What did she tell you?" she forced herself to speak.

"Just that I needed to go after you. I fucked up, didn't I? I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that."

"It's not that." She set the icepacks down. Now or never. "It wasn't what was said. It was the fact that it was you that said it." She squared her shoulders, embarrassment evolving into frustration. "Bakugo, if you knew I liked you, why would you embarrass me like that?!"

"I-!" Bakugo faltered. He dropped his hands from her shoulders, dumbly pointing at himself with his left hand. "Me?"

Ochako blinked owlishly at the boy. "Are you saying... you didn't know?"

Bakugo screwed up his face, "No?! Because if I knew, we wouldn't be having this conversation, dumbass! I-" He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath. Ochako was too distracted by her own heart pounding in her ears to notice the crimson blush radiating from his ears.

"You were going to let us graduate without telling me?" he said after a while, his voice wavering as he tried to rein in his emotions.

"I mean, yeah. I don't want to lose you, and.."

"You thought you'd lose me what, if we broke up?"

"yeah? Or if you were weirded out that I liked you, or--"

"Stop. Stop. I," his hands found her shoulders again. "I was going to tell you on Graduation Day. That way if you rejected me I wouldn't have to think about you being across the fuckin' hall." She felt his hands tug on her shoulders, coaxing her toward him. Ochako beamed, throwing herself against him and wrapping her arms around him.

They held each other for a beat, before the rest of the situation reentered their minds. "We should go back, I don't want to miss our last real hangout as a group," Ochako lamented as she stepped out of his grasp. Bakugo nodded, gesturing for her to lead the way.

As they entered back into the room, the game was still in full swing. Kirishima was upside-down, doing handstand pushups in the center of the circle. Laughing at their friend's antics, the two settled back into the circle opting this time to sit side by side.

Kirishima flipped back to his feet, giving a dramatic bow to the cheers from the circle. "Bakubro! Did you see that?" Kirishima beamed at his best friend. "Bet you can't beat my record!" he teased, leaning down to be closer to eye level without sitting.

Bakugo scoffed, leaning back on his arms, "Shut the fuck up, you know I can kick your ass at anything." Ochako rolled her eyes, laughing lightly at his showboating. He glanced at her, the right side of his mouth curling up at her reaction.

"Okay, Fine. Bakugo. Truth or dare?" Kirishima asked, a challenge in his grin.

"Bring it on. Dare. And make it a good one, none of that baby shit."

"I dare you to climb up th--" Kirishima started, before Mina leaped to her feet and slapped her hand over his mouth.

"No! Physical challenges aren't a dare to Bakugo!" Mina interrupted. "We need to hit him where it hurt. Emotions."

The entire group crowed with laughter. Izuku laughed so hard his eyes began to water. "Shut up," Bakugo groaned. He shot an icy glare toward Izuku, "especially you, shithead." He shifted his gaze back to Mina. "Go ahead."

Mina's eyes met Ochako's quickly before returning to the blonde. "I dare you to confess to your crush." She smirks.

Bakugo deadpanned. "Nah. Can't do that. Gimme another one."

Mina put her hands on her hips, a smug look on her face. "What's the matter? Scared?"

"Nah. It's not that. It's just--" Reaching out, Bakugo hooked Ochako's farther shoulder with his hand, yanking her toward him. She not-so-gracefully thunked into him, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. Ochako craned her neck to look at him, wide-eyed. Swiftly, Bakugo leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Ochako's temple. Looking back to Mina with a toothy grin on his face, Bakugo smugly finished the thought, "I already did."

How many different ways can I write about Uraraka and Bakugo confessing to each other? When I made this side blog, I figured I'd be writing for other ships too, but once I started writing Kacchako, they have completely taken over my brain. I love them so much 😭 Feel free to request other ships if you want. Or if you have other Kacchako requests, I'd be happy to give it a shot! (I also might be working on a bigger fic, Actress/Bodyguard Quirkless AU 👀 But that one will probably be the first fic on my new, second AO3 account lol)

[andmaybegayer]

Last ??? of the Week 2024-10-08

Flying with the sun and staying awake for eight hours overnight in Turkey and then not really having a schedule because you quit your job and are on holiday will have you forget when Monday is.

Listening: I failed completely to figure out why my bank card wasn't playing nice with Bandcamp right before my flight so I missed this Bandcamp Friday, so here's something I was trying to buy and couldn't: the Bluff City soundtrack from Friends at the Table, which is some really fun noir-ass synthy stuff

Bonus song since some of these are empty: "Lehigh Acres" from White Crosses has been stuck in my head, despite being almost as far away from Florida as you can get in the contiguous US.

Watching: Oh fuck all, I've been so busy finishing up at work

Reading: read The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window And Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson, which has been kicking around my library for a while.

It's cute. It's a fun exercise in "if a guy was 100 years old precisely how much of history could he get himself entangled with." The translated prose gets a little tedious at times, and suffers from some Lavender Unicorn, but I guess that's trying to be faithful to the Swedish.

Constantly tempted to describe bits and pieces of it as "this must go so hard if you're stupid" but that's unnecessarily unkind to what is mostly a pretty funny book.

Occasionally goes "eh? eh?" at you to make sure you didn't miss the tremendously obvious historical reference and would be better if it didn't.

Points for detouring through Indonesia but deductions for not doing Afghanistan twice which would have been really funny.

Secondly reread an old MLP fanfic that's also drifted around my library for years since I read it in high school, which is University Days. I think this one did huge numbers in the fandom back in 2013 so you might have read it.

Cutesy whirlwind romance lesbian times with period accurate internalised homophobia and some fairly tasteful drama. Starts a little weak but gets much stronger after a couple chapters. A pretty ordinary fic other than the nostalgia, which counts for something. Suffers from some Lavender Unicorn but is mostly pretty competently written and doesn't suffer from basic errors, which is enough to count as "good" among a lot of fanfic of the era.

I have actually reread this before but the unique occurrence this time was that before I hopped my flight I remembered to pull down the accompanying clopfic which I have not reread since high school and got to experience the slow horror of realizing, while in flight, that a currently-in-use sex script I have was almost certainly derived from this.

Playing: Nothing much.

Making: Still working on Website League, although that's been interrupted by the trip. We're doing some stuff to try and make it behave more Cohost/Tumblry and it's getting there!

Also of course, photography out here in California. The parks are stupidly pretty and San Francisco is a lovely city. Really looking forward to spending more time in it later on the trip. Getting to exercise my new phone camera a little when I need to go wider than 24mm.

Tools and Equipment: You can fit at least ten days of clothing in a standard carry-on and still have room for other shit. You do not need more bags.

[pebblysand]

hello! welcome to the castles playlist explanation post, part three!

<LINK TO PART ONE> <LINK TO PART TWO>

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Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa by FINNEAS: this is the era/chapter of love songs, lol. i love this one, it's so happy and symbolic of the first half of this chapter - harry and ginny enjoying the honeymoon phase haha.

Room Service by Holly Humberstone: i can't recall how i first heard this song but i always thought it had such hinny undertones of that era in castles, covering both this chapter but also the one before - this quietness of a refuge found in bedrooms and hotel rooms just the two of them. the love that transpires. i am burying the things that hurt you. i'm digging holes in the garden, babe, i made a tomb to put them in - everything. i also love the part that goes 'cause you've lost too much sleep for one lifetime - that really speaks to the two of them and their nightmares.

Rosie by Passenger: another cosy song for this cosy chapter. funny story but passenger said he wrote that song as a lullaby for his cat who was scared of the storm. it's a beautiful ballad about not worrying and being protected. i adore this song, it always gives me hope and feels whenever i hear it.

Party Tattoos by dodie: continuing with the cosy feeling, but this song is also about social anxiety and taking leaps of faith to actually do things, which i think speaks to harry and ginny finally enjoying themselves in this chapter. that being said, i mostly picked this song for this iconic line: they're not bruises, they're just party tattoos. that really spoke to me in this chapter, not in the context of the song specifically, but more in the context of the "bruises" and "wounds" that harry and ginny are working to heal together, and this concept that they're not bruises, they're just party (or maybe life) tattoos. i love that idea and the metaphor, which is why i included the song here.

Petite Marie by Francis Cabrel: and, again, we finish with a love song. probably one of the most beautiful of all. sorry for those who don't speak french, you're missing something. je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi. (i come from the sky and amongst themselves, the stars only speak of you.)

Young In America by Barns Courtney: i (obviously) love barns courtney, and i think this song is the perfect theme song to the beginning of this chapter, which centres on harry & ginny towards the end of their "honeymoon" phase and into adulting. there's their relationship and their jobs and the stability they both were so eager for. i love this song because it carries both this aspect of nostalgia (they were indeed, once upon a time, "young in america") but also this satisfaction of "two kids from nothing, guess we did alright - my dear, my dear". i love both aspects of the song, and it fits remarkably well with the start of this chapter.

as good a reason by Paris Paloma: ah. if you're on tiktok, i'm sure you already know this song. funnily enough, i knew the song already when i wrote this chapter, but i wrote the "spite" line without it being a reference to the song in my head. it's just a few weeks later when i was listening to paris paloma and was like oh. was it a dormant thought in my head? maybe. but also, i think for a very long time when writing castles, people kept asking me what drove me to kept going and my default response was "spite" lol. so, maybe both things inspired ginny's quote haha. it's a very castles-y song, regardless.

Suic*de by Ren: this song is two things. first, it's the very literal inspiration for the suicide scene at the bridge in castles. but i also really wanted it in the playlist because it really relates to post-war harry as well. "treading on the tracks at the nighttime, it never felt like the right time." i've obsessed over a lot of Ren lines over the years (he's such a haunting writer, some of his stuff makes me angry i didn't write it) but that concept of "it never felt like the right time" is so quintessential to harry's self-harm tendencies in the fic, and lily's later on. i sort of imagine her walking around london listening to this song after she comes home, and it never feels like the right time for her either.

Rupture by Laurie Darmon: this song is SO CLEVER. i remember listening to it the first time and being blown away. the rhyming!!! ugh it's so good. the story of a break up. obviously, this is one is for Hermione.

Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan: aaaand, this one is for Ron, haha.

Queenstown by Passenger: aaaaand, this one is or Harry & Ginny haha. i love the mood of this, but i also like that it's a break up song cause it also reflects the situation of Ron & Hermione. it's two birds with one stone, really.

Chalk Outlines by Ren & CHINCHILLA: can you tell i was going through my Ren obsession while writing 18 & 19 😅? i like to think of this song as the one playing to harry and hermione talking on the couch, when she says she's not alright. the recurrence of trauma and all.

Him by Lily Allen: obviously, the one for the end of this chapter.

You And Whose Army? by Radiohead: this song is two things. firstly, it's an intensely Peaky Blinders song, which obviously is a show that heavily inspired this fic. secondly, obviously, in the context of this fic, it refers to 9/11, and the illusion of fighting back. i love the tone of the song, the sort of jokingly derisive tune to the angry lyrics. it's pathetic almost, the best contrast.

Lion by Saint Mess: i think this song works so well for both that era of war and post-9/11 mess, but also for the world cup? Ginny's success as a Quidditch player? i love it.

Big Weenie by Eminem: hahaha this is a funny diss song. i like to think this is Ginny finally getting her "revenge" on the press during the world cup.

Sick Boi by Ren: ugh. you get a YT link here because Ren is unfortunately in a petty copyright dispute with the guy who did the beat for this, thus the song has been taken off Spotify. obviously, listened to this absolutely on LOOP while writing the second part of this chapter.

Eat Your Young by Hozier: this song is obviously fairly recent but it applies so well to all the wars and conflicts that have been happening since 01, really. it works for Iraq... so well. music to listen as Harry brainwashes himself.

How to Be Me by Ren & CHINCHILLA: uggggggh. 😭. tears, tears, tears, hot tears. very self-explanatory - Harry at his lowest point, really.

La Corrida by Francis Cabrel: fellow french people, you may wonder, why the f is this here? right? well, i will say one thing: je les entends rire comme je râle, je les vois danser comme je succombe, je pensais pas qu'on puisse s'amuser autant autour d'une tombe. voila, voila ✌🏻😅.

Kabul Shit by Lily Allen: this one is obvious. it's one of my favourite, most-listened-to Lily songs, it's tragedy that it was only the B-side to the Japanase edition of The Fear or something. i stole her wording of we'll blame it on the terror, also known as religion, in the fic itself.

La Boulette (Génération Nan Nan) by Diam's: lmao, such a 00s song but also, you know, she had a point. justice for Mélanie. me demande pas ce qui les pousse à casser des vitrines, j'suis pas la mairie 💀.

Wake Me up When September Ends by Green Day: well, isn't this one self-explanatory? Green Day, 9/11, the war in Iraq. everything.

Rockabye by Clean Bandit, Sean Paul & Anne-Marie (cover by Ely Lee): i wish i could have used the "real" song here but i couldn't find an acoustic version and the actual beat of song doesn't really fit the mood. the lyrics do, but i had to settle on the instrumental. to me, it plays in the background of the end scene at the end of the chapter 🥰.

La liste by Rose: i think this song sort of carries one the happy, loving vibes of the end of last chapter/beginning of this one. the list of everything i want to do with you. i love the musicality of this song, and also the avoir une petite fille bit of the list, which in my head was always also a nod to lily.

"99" by Barns Courtney: i LOVE this song for this chapter, it works SO WELL with the whole happy-we're-having-a-baby vibes at the start of the chapter, but also the nod to "we're gonna live like it's 1999". to me, it's a direct callback to the trip to the US, followed by their "honeymoon" period. it makes me so happy. they've literally living like it's 1999.

Hi Ren by Ren: and.... the crash, lol. i really hesitated to include this song here. i think on the one hand, the actual subject matter (Ren's struggling artist vibes) is obviously very off-topic. on the other hand, i love how this song deals with the recurrence of darkness in our lives, to me it's the barn creeping back in after so many months of harry just being like "oh, it's great, we're having a baby, etc." it also has a lot of quotes that were so key in the crafting of castles, and which fit so well that it needed to be there. i also love the message of hope at the end, it's foreshadowing of the end of the story itself: life is hard sometimes, but we rebuild, you know? that line "some people might know me as hope, some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope" just lives rent-free in my head and also reflects on harry's somewhat suicidal tendencies. this song was very important in writing the end of castles, and its last arc.

Tu connais by Volo: i got obsessed with that song as i was writing chapters 20 and 21. it deals with the idea of getting into a relationship and learning to know (like, really know) someone. there is that beautiful quote in it which i ended up rewriting but stealing the concept of in chapter 21: si c'est le temps qui passe qui fait qu'on se connait, je veux que le temps passe et ne s'arrête jamais. (if it is time that means we know each other, i want time to pass and never stop). i love this as a song that ties the concept of the very intimate conversation harry and ginny have at the end about ginny's parents and harry's upbringing, and the kind of parents they want to be. there's really such a trust between them to be able to talk about these things, i just absolutely love it.

Mon p'tit gars by Christophe Maé: i know, i know. look. it's sweet, okay? je te vois comme un grand guerrier qui rit aux éclats devant toute une armée. pour demain je ne souhaiterais qu'une chose, que tu laisses tomber les soldats 🥹

Golden by Barns Courtney: i think this song sort of continues the theme of the previous chapter, the sweet, loving bliss of harry and ginny being happy and forming their family. the days were most things are good, happy and golden.

Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe & FINNEAS: again, same vibe. this idea that if the end of the world hits, we're together and nothing else matters. i also love the "current-ness" of this song, the fact that yeah, a lot of things are not great on the outside (here, the end of the world - in the fic, terrorism and Iraq and the financial crisis, etc.) but we've had this time together and we're in love and i'll know i had the best time falling into love. i think it's also pretty representative of harry and ginny choosing to have kids and choosing to raise them in a world they're trying to make better little by little.

Hometown Glory by Adele: there's two London songs in this section of the playlist. this one is a bit sadder but also a lot letter, and i sort of see it as the background music for the scene at the beach.

Money Game by Ren: i chose this song for the more political angle of this chapter. the conservatives coming into power, kicking Kingsley out, but also later in the chapter: corruption coming in, then getting ousted again, etc. there's also all of quidditch money politics. it covers a lot haha.

Sad Season by Crying Day Care Choir: ah, the wedding. i love this song so much. it's so castles!hinny.

Je l'aime à mourir by Francis Cabrel: another wedding song. if you are spanish-speaking, you probably know a very different-sounding version of this song haha. this is the original, and it's again a very, very beautiful love song. i love the undertone re:ginny as well. je suis le gardien du sommeil de ses nuits and elle a fait de ma vie des éclats de rire and elle a du faire toutes les guerres de la vie. 🥹 (i am the guardian of her sleep at night // she turned my life into bursts of laughter // she has had to fight of all life's wars).

London by Mackenzy Macday: this is them choosing London in spite of everything, isn't it? also a bit political, which obviously wraps into the rest of this chapter as well.

Birds That Flew and Ships That Sailed by Passenger: idk, i'm kind of feeling this song in line with harry's crisis of confidence in his career? for the most part i forgot what i wanted anyway? it's maybe the theme to his turning-thirty crisis.

Rome by Solann: god. solann. if you're french and on tiktok, you've probably heard this song too much already. think of her as the french Paris Paloma, haha. the female rage. i also love the slow build of the song. i see it as the bridge between this chapter and the next. the lyrics are SO GOOD. it makes me mad i didn't write it. j'me sens comme un agneau qui dit pardon au loup d'avoir été trop lent à lui offrir son coup 😭. (i feel like a lamb apologising to the wolf, for being too slow in offering its neck) // les putes comme moi portent les rêves des hommes (whores like me carry the dreams of men) // and this one especially for ginny: certains me doivent des mea culpa à genoux mais préfèrent cracher leurs venins debout et je mangerai leur langue si c'est le prix du silence. (some owe me mea culpas on their knees but prefer spitting their venom standing, and i will eat their tongues, if that's the price of silence). i love her so much.

De honte et de pardon by Coeur de Pirate: i've always loved this song - the melody and the melancholy of its lyrics - ever since hearing it on Beatrice's album when it first came out. but, for a long time, i didn't understand what it was about. it sounded a lot like an abusive relationship, where the abusive partner may have caused a miscarriage or something (tes lèvres quittent les miennes, te rappelles-tu les siennes, celles qui n'ont jamais pu énoncer ton nom), and the guilt the female victim felt about it, not being able to prevent the death of the baby, but it never quite fit. actually, i discovered listening to an interview semi-recently that this song is about #metoo. Beatrice dated someone who was later accused of SA on someone else and she wrote this song relating her feelings about it. it's true that the lyrics make a lot more sense like this, but also, god is it beautiful. et quand surviennent leurs cris, dans l'air du temps, l'enfer sourit car tu as usé de mes peurs pour taire ses pleurs (and when they start screaming, in today's times, hell smiles because you used my fears to quiet her tears). i wanted to open the playlist for this chapter with it because it's topical, and because it tells the story, really.

Seven Sins by Ren: whilst there are some lyrics of this that resonate with this chapter (Ren is all about trauma, generally, and this is about trauma lol), i think what really mattered for me with this song for this chapter is the rhythm of it. i listened to it on quasi-loop when i was writing, especially the first part before ginny makes the decision to write the book (and the second part before the book comes out). i wanted this sort of relentless, endless, breathless pace to the words and the story, which you have in the song, figuring how "everything's alright" but also everything's not, and #metoo is like nagging and nagging and nagging at them before the explosion. it's haunting and it's a loop of a beat that sounds very quick and siren-y, and won't leave you alone. i don't know if i succeeded, but i basically wanted the chapter to sound like this.

Encore et encore by Francis Cabrel: (yes, all of Cabrel's classics seem to be in this playlist, sue me, my mum is from the south-west, okay??💀). the one thing i will say about this song is: yes, i know it's about a car accident. which, sort of beautifully overshadowed lily's story too. but if you speak french, i urge you to re-listen this song with ginny and amycus in your mind. like, literally every verse is so on point. [1] t'entends à chaque fois que tu respire, comme un bout de tissu qui se déchire. (...) les heures s'allongent comme les semaines, tu te retrouves assise par terre, à bondir à chaque bruit de portière. (you hear every time you breathe, like a piece of fabric tearing. (…) the hours lengthen like the weeks, you find yourself sitting on the ground, jumping at every sound of a door.) [2] la même nuit que la nuit d'avant, les mêmes endroits, deux fois trop grands. t'avances comme dans les couloirs, tu t'arranges pour éviter les mirroirs. (the same night as the night before, the same places, twice too big. you move forward in the corridors, you manage to avoid the mirrors.) [3] faudrait que t'arrives à en parler au passé, faudrait qu'tarrives à ne plus penser à ça. faudrait qu'tu l'oublies à longueur de journées. dis toi qu'il est de l'autre côté du pôle, dis toi surtout qu'il ne reviendra pas. (you should learn to talk about it in the past tense -- yes, i stole this from the song -- you should learn to stop thinking about it. you should forget about him all day long. tell yourself that he is on the other side of the pole, tell yourself above all that he will not come back. 😭) like, even the last verse that is more about missing him is on point [4] tu comptes les chances qu'il te reste, un peu de son parfum sur ta veste. tu avais dû confondre les lumières d'une étoile et d'un réverbère. (you count the chances you have left, a little bit of his perfume left on your jacket. you must have confused the lights of a star and a street lamp.) to me, it even roots to the slight empathy she has for him and the weird sadness of the realisation that this wasn't what she thought it was. and the overall loneliness in the choruses as well!!! i just fucking love it!

Unattractive by SOFIA ISELLA: i've always found it interesting that i didn't get a single comment (literally not one) about what to me, is probably both the worst scene i've ever written in terms of how much it makes my skin crawl, and one of the most important, for many reasons. the "day after" scene. i think it's because it's such a horrible scene that no one wants to talk about it. totally respect it, though i would love to one day have the excuse to do a line by line commentary haha. anyway, this song is the mood, isn't it?

hell is a teenage girl by Nessa Barrett: or, the revenge of a former teenage girl, perhaps. there, ginny decides to write the book.

Martyre de la cause by Mathilde: ah. this was very important in the way i envisaged ginny's decision to write and to speak out. c'est avec joie que je serai une martyre de la cause (it's with joy that i'll be a martyr of the cause). the fight she chooses to take on cause she can't not anymore. a very gryffindor song.

I Am Here by P!nk: i love P!nk. i went to see her live in Dublin a few months ago (a bit before writing this chapter) and idk, when she sung it live, this song in my head resonated with the last part of this chapter, this sort of feeling of "we are here, we're alive, we've made it"? that's how i see it.

La symphonie des éclairs by Zaho de Sagazan: not only is this such a beautiful ode to life and emotion and just thriving through the clouds, but it's also in my head the song harry and ginny dance to at the end. i know it came out too late so it's not contemporary, but fuck it.

The Age Of Anxiety by Jamie Cullum: jamie cullum is one of my first musical loves - my mother is a fan. i basically grew up on his early jazz stuff. i remember hearing that song for the first time when it came out, and i think i've rarely ever connected with a song the very moment i heard it. the phrase "i've kept all my texts from amy" haunts me. obviously fits with this chapter and its overall theme for obvious reasons.

What They'll Say About Us by FINNEAS: this song was very important in writing some of the castles chapters, especially IIRC chapter 17/18, but i also felt like it never quite "fit" the playlist at the time. it's a covid song, also a political song. actually about BLM but i think you can also liken it to hermione's campaign and first few months/years in office here. the hope and need for political change, but also the shortcomings. and, obviously, covid. i think the theme of death can also be likened to the war in Mongolia and the will to fight for freedom - it fits rather well here.

Another Love by Tom Odell: i am baffled that this song, which i've frankly adored for about a decade, has taken on a second life on tiktok as a rebel song. it's bizarre - clearly, it's not a rebel song haha - but it works? so, anyway, i really wanted to have this in for the mongolia episode, and its parallels with ukraine, gaza, iran, etc.

Knife by Lenii: i added this song the other day, i was looking for a "transition song" between the first part (mongolia, politics, etc.) and the second (the protest and its aftermath). this one was in my top songs for 2023, and obviously, it fit for the harry/hermione situation 😅.

Police On My Back by The Clash: this one is obvious. here goes the protest haha.

Police (Live) by Suprême NTM: lmao. okay. so another french rap song about how much the police sucks. it's a classic. i think i love this version even more because it's a live that was recorded very recently (the band is originally from the late 90s) and 1) it has the "assassins de la police" loop which wasn't in the original version but 2) (and most importantly) the end just KILLS me. the way Joey Starr is like, after everything (and especially, there's a lot of NTM lore, like the rappers have been arrested more times than i can count - not really good people, in fairness), "après bon, c'est comme les transports en commun, on en a b'soin" (but then it's like public transport, you kind of need them" 💀. i feel like it's this adult take on this very very angry anti-police song that they wrote 30 years ago and really symbolises the whole growing up theme of castles, and harry's situation here. it'll never not make me laugh.

Medieval by FINNEAS: harry's press and publicly downfall, obviously.

One of the Brightest Stars by James Blunt: you know what, i think my most controversial musical take is that i actually love James Blunt. i'm sorry. i think this song is so, so beautiful. same theme as the previous one.

Love Music, Pt. 4 by Ren: i was looking for a "comeback" song, and i think this one really resonates with the moment. it's not really the topic, it's more the tone. i love the way it starts with this blasé "alright. love music pt4" i think it's very harry in that moment when he's sort of dealing with coming "back" and taking over cashcow - at the beginning, it's a bit defeated and blasé, then he ends up actually liking it. i think it really works here, and it's a fun song, in the end.

Not Afraid by Eminem: same thing with the comeback, and i had originally but Without Me in the playlist here, but upon reflection, i think it's more of not afraid comeback here? again, a bit more hurt and jaded, but also a bit more political? like, im not afraid to take a stand? there's something a bit more harry/hermione here. a bit more deep. to me it's the continuation of the love music pt4 vibes.

Doom Days by Bastille: i would not be surprised if this turns out to be my top song of 2024 on spotify. i see it as the end song, the harry and hermione reconciliation, and the vibe of believing in it again. doing the right thing. having each other, at least.

Intros & Narrators by Bastille: i'd previously decided i wouldn't put two songs by the same artist in a row but all rules are meant to be broken. this one came out just in time for me to finish story. this one isn't really about castles, it's about me. i guess i'm allowed one song on here.

On the Flip of a Coin by The Streets: this song, weirdly, has always been about the cave in HPB. i thought it was a good full circle moment for this chapter, it's incredible topical as a song, and also because the streets are mentioned on here. two birds one stone.

Mistral Gagnant by Renaud: if you are french, you already know why this is here. in fact, you'd have been disappointed if it wasn't. if you're not french, i'm sorry, this is most beautiful song in the world, and therefore it is untranslatable. te dire que les méchants c'est pas nous (...) te raconter enfin qu'il faut aimer la vie, l'aimer même si le temps est assassin et emporte avec lui les rires des enfants, et les mistral gagnants. it's the background song to the first godric's hollow scene for me.

Two Tales by Passenger: this song played one random night as i was walking my dog. i knew it, but had never really paid attention to it. it was the song that gave me the idea for lily going to war (and for the scene of her getting into a car accident). i can't explain it, it was a lightbulb moment. to me, one of the most foundational songs in the whole of this playlist. we've kept her bedroom exactly the same, winters they followed and summers they came. he'd bash around, banging down on the floor, i sit alone with an eye on the door.

Joséphine by Volo: i think the spotify algorithm fed this song to me cause it's my first name cause i don't know any other songs by this artist. i would say, without hyperbole, that apart from the title song castle, this song is probably the most important and foundational in for this story in this playlist, specifically in the idea of the intergenerational trauma, etc. basically, there's that one quote in it that says: je ne t'espère ma puce même pas de fleuve tranquille, j'en demanderai pas plus et même si ça existe, comme tu devras bien sûr apprendre à être triste ("i don't even wish for a quiet river for you, my darling, i won't ask for more and even if it exists, as you will of course have to learn to be sad"). this concept of kids having to "learn to be sad" was incredibly important in me coming up with the last chapter and in the whole direction of the fic, and it's of course a quote that both harry and ginny say/think at different points of the fic. that sentence has haunted me for years, and is basically one of the main reasons i wrote this fic.

The Isle of Arran by Loyle Carner: full disclosure, i'm a massive loyle carner fan, i saw him play live last summer and it was honestly one of the best experiences of my life. i actually remember playing this song a lot as i was writing the beginning of castles, but idk, it never quite fit into the playlist. then as i was writing last august, i guess it came back to me when lily mentions loyle carner (shameless self-insert here i'll admit) and i actually think this song fits very well here. it's about faith and death, and hanging on through tough experiences, in my head, i see it as the lily-going-to-war song, and potentially also her finally coming back? there's - again - something very full circle about this.

Mockingbird by Eminem: i mean. do i need to explain that one? this song has haunted me for twenty years. hailie's recently said this song always makes her cry and i was thinking to myself, like: imagine that song being about you? it's wild to me.

U-Turn (Lili) by AaRON: french people - do you remember that song?? it was everywhere! it was in a film or something, right? anyway, it's wildly on point here as lily comes back.

Passing Afternoon by Iron & Wine: i have always LOVED this song every since it featured on House, though i can never quite tell what it's about. i love the she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her for lily coming home and rebuilding the house in godric's hollow. there's a sense of peace and finding you Place in that song, physical and in the world (also, the phrase "our endless numbered days" haunts me) - idk, i just love that song and it felt right, here. she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings - i love the parallel between lily and ginny too.

Pink Skies (feat. Watchhouse) by Zach Bryan & Watchhouse: idk, this song is both so off topic but also so spot on. it's not the funeral thing - it's the vibe. this is the kids' closure, i feel. it's the kids all grown up and okay 😭. it's harry walking back into the house - everything. i particularly like the extra watchhouse verse: your pocket knife, it went missing, i think we know who got that one. you used to let her cut the ribbons on all her own presents - it made me nervous but now i see we just taught different lessons. this is so beautiful and so very harry&lily.

Tea & Toast by Lucy Spraggan: this song is basically the same vibe as the one before - but very british haha. it makes me tear up everytime. so symbolic of castles, the sunshine through the tough times. this is to me such a harry/ginny song - it's the perfect ending for them. that's their closure.

Arose by Eminem: and, lastly, i suppose, harry's closure. this is a harry fic, so it's fitting. this song is part 2 of the title song, castle, with a happier ending this time. it's throwing the pills in the toilet. now, i know.

[djsherriff-responses]

Kinda funny that they’re making a Watch Dogs movie now despite that series haven’t really been much spotlight for several years now. They just finished filming it so I guess it’s progressing fine. I think there’s supposed to be a show too as well.

Not that I can blame them I mean they tried a Prince of Persia movie that flopped, that Assassin’s Creed movie got forgotten so quickly.

A rabbids movie? I feel like they’re more than a decade too late on that front not to mention Minions have mostly stolen that niche very successfully. Unless they go the Mario + Rabbids route on that movie but I doubt we’ll see it soon.

I vaguely remember watching Prince of Persia but based on the fact I barely remember it , it was a forgetful movie, haven't seen the assassins creed film so I can't comment on the quality of either film

What I can comment on is the various factors that makes those movies different to Watchdog , or rather the environment they've released in

Prince of Persia came out in 2010. In that same year we got movies such as Scott Pilgrim , Percy Jackson , Clash of the Titans and Tron Legacy. There was also meant to be an ALTA movie but it never got made 😔 Prince of Persia had a lot of competition when it came out, but it stood very little chance against those more memorable flicks

Assassins Creed came out in 2016 along side Batman Vs Superman and the Killing joke , no chance of out competing those

(obviously all these movies did not come out at the same time of year , I'm over simplifying a it)

Heres an important similarity Prince of Persia and Assassins Creed have besides being made by the same company: They're video game IPs

For as long as video games has existed , there was this issue that movie adaptions of popular video games were never gonna be good (Never seen it but the discussion around the 80s Mario movie is a prime example). Whether these films were actually bad or fans just never being satisfied I can't say, I don't have the energy to research and this is already getting long

However that drastically changed when the Sonic Movie came out in 2020

Now obviously we know about ugly Sonic and how close the film could've gone down the cursed game movie path. But it didn't , Paramount listened to the fans and redesigned Sonic (even though that most definitely made people do overwork last minute) which lead to the film being such a success it's getting it's third installment released this year and a TV series spin off

Than we got the Mario Movie , which was also a success and so on and so forth

Now something worth keeping in mind is that , in the 2010s when Prince of Perisa was released , nostalgia bait wasn't as prominent as it is now

Which is why I think the Watch Dogs film , as well as the Rabbids movie, is Ubisoft trying to cash in on the video game nostalgia train. Maybe even using the film's success as a way to test if people will buy a new game

[fiberglassandflowers]

Hey idk if there’s some master post about mbts but if there is may I please ask where and if not could I perhaps humbly request a description because it sounds cool as FUCK

omg yayy okay so there's not a masterpost as of now (though there is a google doc in the works that will probably be. very big) BUT i will try to give a brief rundown. underneath a readmore 👍

OK SO. IN SUMMARY

MARY BELL TOWNSHIP: more like mary bell CLOWNSHIT ha ha. heavy surveillance like everywhere (including in peoples homes. how fun). it's also got some like radiation stuff going on. all the residents are a lil radiation poisoned But it's mostly fine. also the town moves and i dont know why.

VANNIE OVERTURE: based on suburbia overture. the mayor who is a vampire. major control freak. sucks shit. like most of the reason mary bell is the way it is. permasmile swag. has killed before. hates when people are weird freaks and is actively passive aggressive if not outright aggressive.

TRIP LETWO: based on 2econd 2ight 2eer. world's silliestguy contrarian and infamous public nuisance. deeply tortured individual but shes dealing with it i guess. physically cant leave mary bell township. he has too much goddamn lore

LYDIE LAPLACE: based on laplace's angel. so lame. just deeply lame. killed a guy and got kicked out of office building heaven (laplace's inc. id give this its own section but it doesnt really matter all that much). i dont ever think about it unfortunately im sorry women.

MINA BYRD: based on i/me/myself. very sweet very nice. ladybugpilled socialanxietycel. doesnt have a whole lot going on but she is nice im glad shes there. im gonna have a significant relationships section of this but im saying that shes roommates with lia here bc its not really significant otherwise

WALTER LEE: based on ...well, better than the alternative. worlds first cis father to be a butch lesbian. probably a girl but she doesnt know that. weird nostalgia issues so bad his wife left him.

DOTTY LEE: ten years old. strange little girl but i dont really think about it a lot. not much else to say about her really.

LIA CRATES: based on outliars and hyppocrates. her name is pronounced like lie-uh cray-tees not lee-ah crayts. i have to clear this up because i realized most people were wrong LMAO. a little mean but not so much when you get to know her.

WARREN LEARY: based on blackboxwarrior. actually the worst therapist you will EVER meet. isnt even licensed. you book a session with her and she only talks about herself the entire time. constantly referencing a dark and contradictory past.

MARSHA TILLIS: based on marsha, thankk you for the dialectics. slightly better therapist! still not that good. has the spirit of an old man despite being in his 40s. will begin to psychoanalyze your behavior upon the first thirty seconds of knowing you.

NORMAN LEE: based on love, me normally. guy trying really really hard to be a regular guy. has a loooot of problems that stem from this. hugest people pleaser the world has ever known. a little bit offputting. has hair symbolism :-)

MORTIMER: based on memento mori. doesn't have a last name. worlds silliest grim reaper death thing. works in the death division for laplace's inc. lived a pretty normal life. then it died :-(. more here

FERN O'DYNAMIC: based on thermodynamic lawyer. hates his bitch wife (who is a praying mantis for. unknown reasons? will elaborate). just has a lot of anger inside him and doesnt know how to deal with it so he takes it out on other people. he kind of sucks but he's a neat character.

MIRANDA WRIGHT: the person being sung about in thermodynamic lawyer. bug wife (i can blame anything on radiation). she wasnt always a bug she just kinda did that idk. there's not much about her but she's an etymologist.

COTARD LETWO: based on cotard's solution. she has so many problems oh my gooood. deeply lonely person. fascinated with the macabre. its like coping mechanism that makes you worse. im insane about her writing a basic description is so difficult fkdjsfhsjd

RAMONA MCLAREN: based on red moon + hand me my shovel (though the latter was included later on bc it fit her). worlds most intelligent and stupid single celled organism. patheticswag. absolutely batshit insane. attempting to solve the end of the world.

KUIPER SUNSHINE: based on dr sunshine is dead. uh. i dont really know much about her to be honest SORRY... its really silly though + haver of prophetic dreams that she is NOT transparent about. fucks with people a lot just for funsies

COLIN THESIER: based on cover this song. girl who used to be in a band but got kicked out bc of friend drama. survivor of a toxic codependent queer friendship. trying to be a better person bc she used to suck pretty bad unfortunately. a bit more here

theres like a couple more characters but none of them are really important enough to give their own sections. debbie letwo is trip and cotards mom, laplace is the head of laplace's inc, maude is walter's ex wife who left him (heres the scoop on that).

OK NOTABLE CHARACTER DYNAMICS TIME:

VANNIE/NORMAN: norman has been pretending to be a normal dude this whole time + vannie totally fell for it. normans stuck in this friendship bc hes too much of a people pleaser to break it off even though vannie actively drains him emotionally. also he feels validated by vannie thinking hes normal. its so awful im so insane about their dynamic

VANNIE/TRIP: THEY HAAAATE EACH OTHER. their entire core beliefs are at odds (guy who thinks everyone should do their best to conform vs. guy who loves being a weird freak and doing fuck all). their dynamic is honestly pretty simple in comparison but theyre so petty and stupid its insane. if you put them alone in the same room one of them isnt coming out

TRIP/NORMAN: theyre gay together. there's a weird lore thing about the way relationships are handled in mary bell but long story short theres paperwork that has to be filled out if you want to be registered for one and trip thinks its really funny for xem and norman to constantly break up so they'll have to fill out the paperwork because it fucks with vannie. theyre also kind of awful and tragic

WALTER/DOTTY: that is a father and his daughter. walters trying his best and hes doing well but nothing would have been better than just moving out of mary bell township to raise his child.

WALTER/NORMAN: they’re brothers 👍 not much else to say there but they’re cool

WALTER/MAUDE: already linked a more in-depth explanation of their deal but ill summarize it here. maude thought living in mary bell township was really bad for a child (and it is) but since walter has issues about idealizing his childhood he was like "whaaat well i was raised here and im fine" and they fought about it and once it became clear walter wasnt changing his mind maude figured shed just spare herself from all of it. so she left 💯

WARREN/MARSHA: what if the two worst therapists ever were queerplatonic and violated hipaa together. also what if one of them [marsha] was helping the other [warren] because they're on the run from the law. would that be crazy or what

FERN/MIRANDA: actually awful. they really want to divorce but trip and norman keep clogging up the paperwork so theyre on a waiting list forever. their relationship was really good at one point but its not anymore :-( more info here

NORMAN/FERN: fern haaates norman because of the previously mentioned paperwork debacle but normans ass cant deal with the thought of anyone disliking him so hes just been really trying to get on his good side to no avail. also theyre coworkers so its more relevant

MORTIMER/TRIP: man how do i even summarize this one. due to lore reasons that you can read about in the link provided in trips session they have a super weird dynamic present day. or at least on trips end, mortimer is just super friendly to them and it wigs her out.

TRIP/COTARD: OUGUIGHJ. AOAUYFGDSFHSJ. tragic sibliiings. man i dont even know if i can go into this. go here and here if you want to learn more about them. jesus

COTARD/COLIN: frienndsss :-] classic extrovert forcing themselves into introverts life trope a little bit. they play music together and its great. mina's also in their little group but the two of them are closer

KUIPER/RAMONA: have been described by my friend as being "nonromantic freak4freak" and this is true. theyre working together on the end of the world stuff. they also rope cotard into it but thats lore i havent talked much about yet. go here and here for more info about them.

that might??????? be it?????? if there's more ill update it but thats the general basics i think. thank you for being interested and hopefully reading i greatly appreciate it :-)

[robthegoodfellow]

Here I Go Again 2/?

Hanging on the Promises in Songs of Yesterday (also on AO3)

Part 1

for @fizzigigsimmer who has been stoking ideas/feeding the madness

Caligator, past Harringrove (reincarnation, past character death, age difference)

Gator spared not a glance at the waitstaff, just moseyed to the corner booth nearest the door, that roll in his step unique to boys in big boots who wanted you to know they had big brass balls to match. He slid onto the far bench, his back to the wall, the better to survey his domain. 

Biting his lip, Billy followed behind, turning to catch the eye of the waitress before he sat himself opposite. “Some coffee for me and the law, here, please.” Ignored the brat’s snort, opting instead to pluck a menu from the stack by the napkins, old laminate foggy and frayed. “Anything good?”

Tongue clicked, musing. “Julie’ll do you right, but she don’t work weekends.” 

No need to look—the smirk oozed like an oil slick. Billy hummed, mild disinterest. “For her sake, I hope you tip well.”

Did look up for that, and God, the way he scrunched his nose, the twist of his mouth, one eye squinted as he picked apart the affront, wrong-footed… And then it was Billy off-kilter, squashing the wave of nostalgia. 

Ordered himself to knock it off and focus. He was here to—

Well, what the fuck was he here to do?

The twisted mouth was moving, groping for words. “Honestly can’t tell whether you’re crazy or plain stupid.”

Their coffee arrived, buying Billy time to reply—to rally his discordant impulses under a single banner: he was here to… get a read on the guy. Poke and prod till he could come away satisfied that this Proud Boy wasn’t so much like Steve after all, once you looked close enough.

So—crazy or stupid? Billy took up his mug, blowing steam, and shrugged. “Guess I’m just versatile, that way.” 

Gator huffed, sipping his coffee too soon, like always, and Billy winced, anticipating the hiss of pain—and froze when it came, a sibilant echo down the years, sleepy mornings propped up on pillows, hip to hip against the counter for a pick-me-up, passing him his frou frou latte at the drive-through window. 

“—for real heart attack? Hey—” Snapping fingers. “Old man.”

Billy blinked, breathing deep. Told muscles to unclench, his lips to give up the grimace. Couldn’t tear his gaze from that face, though. Eyes defied orders.

Gator was shaking his head, concern curdled by impatience. “Seriously, what the fuck is your deal? One second you’re dying, next you’re staring like I’m the second coming—”

The snort of laughter didn’t do him any favors. Billy held up a hand, placating, even as he facepalmed with the other. “Shit, you may as well be.” Just said it, half-mindless, and before Gator could do more than glare, he spilled the rest into that unfocused middle distance, all in a breath, clinging to the warming support of his mug. “You’re—the spitting image of someone—someone from long, long ago. So long I’m trying to convince myself I’m not remembering right.” Billy chuckled on the inhale and confessed, marveling quiet. “Like he’s waltzed out the ground and into a police uniform, fresh as a daisy.”

When Gator made no reply, Billy summoned a self-deprecating smirk, tried to meet his eyes. Tried and failed. 

“Well within your rights to take the coffee, file this one under crazed encounters of the—”

“What was his name?”

Startled, Billy choked on nothing—struck dumb, pinned by a narrow brown stare, his mind awhirl of Steve. His name was Steve. Shouldn’t hurt this much—spoke of him often enough. Obliquely, though, he realized. Slantwise. Mostly kept him snug between the ears. Inside the ribs. Not in the mouth. His name was—

Snapped his jaw shut just in time, the flavor of Gator’s stare registering on delay: investigative. 

Obviously.

“Harrington,” Billy said, rough. “Out in Indiana. Any relation?”

Gator shook his head with a dismissive huff. “Tillman roots in Stark county are the deepest there is.”

“And your mother’s side?”

Innocent question, but Gator recoiled with such disgust you’d think his coffee had turned to shit.

Well, actual shit. The coffee wasn’t great.

“If your guy is any family of hers?” Gator sneered, jagged humor. “Then I hope them and all their line are rotting in hell.”

“Damn,” Billy pronounced, struck anew, but not so much struck dumb as… struck like a tuning fork. Because that bitterness, that blithe cavalier bile…

And there you have it. Gator didn’t look like Steve anymore. 

He looked like him. Billy. Or—how he used to be.

“Raw nerve.” A statement, not a question, then—fully aware of playing with fire: “I got a couple of those. Let me guess: flew the coop?”

Like had been happening since Gator climbed out of the cruiser, his face pulled in five directions, vacillating this way and that. Overall effect was just—bewildered. 

Lizard lost in the woods. And Billy wondered if they had that in common, too. Cold-blooded, in desperate need of some warmth from the outside. A heat source. One you could rely on.

So it was cruel, probably, what he did next. Because Billy didn’t think he could be that for him. 

He gentled his voice, aimed a soft, ironic smile. “And dear old dad? He do his best—or his worst?”

Lizard was on the fritz again, all puffed up, forked tongue darting to wet slack lips. It was anger broke through first. “Who the fuck do you think you…? I oughta—running your mouth like… last thing you’ll ever do if you don’t—”

He sputtered out, a gasping fish now, mute and hooked, thrashing on the line. And Billy also knew that well—heard Steve speaking slow and calm, reaching through the riot.

“Drink your coffee,” he said, and Gator blinked, line cut. Fumbled for his cup and cupped it, both hands. 

Sipped it steadily enough, his face scrunched. Mutinous.

“To answer that first question,” Billy continued, braving a swig of tar. “You could call me a drifter—mostly retired, these days. I’m headed out west to visit my sister.”

Gator absorbed that in sullen silence. Drained his mug in long gulps that burned the whole way, judging by the wince. Set the cup down with a thunk.

Finally, throaty and frayed: “You always so fucking weird, or is today special?”

Didn’t look up, eyes cast aside, a preemptive turn away. 

Billy wouldn’t have thought his heart could break anymore than it already was, and yet—some shard chipped and cracked at the embedded plea, a ploy he recognized. To ask without asking.

And that, he shouldn’t have answered. To answer was to promise. But… what else could he do? Confronted with this doubling image—these mirrored specters of himself and his first and only love—how he could not answer?

So Billy did. Said it straightforward and serious, dead sincere. “Special.”