#i miss seeing anthony on screen a lot and literally screamed

[kafka-ohdear]

at the end of the day it's the friend that would do cartwheels with you in the white house.

[marvelship-oneshots]

EMERGENCY WEDDING 1 (WINTERIRON)

PART 1 OF 2 AU where Tony and Bucky get married in order not to be forced t testify against each other in court (part 1 of 2) [2.5k words]

Bucky's brain was numb. He was walking in the rain, with no destination, looking at the blood being washed from his hands by the rain. How could something like that happen? How could they think he could do something like that? He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that his best friend was gone and never coming back. The thought of having literally his blood all over his body made his sick to his stomach, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to react. He saw his body laying in a puddle of his own blood on the floor of his apartment and he didn't scream, he didn't cry, his brain just shut down. He had no memories of what he did from that moment to the moment he heard the sirens coming for him. Then, he ran until he was far enough from the city. Now, he didn't know where he was, but the police was not following him anymore, that was good. Eventually, he stopped running and started walking along the desert highway, despite the rain falling down on him. Bucky had no idea of what he would do after, nor of where he was going.

Tony needed a break. His life in the city was becoming overwhelming and he just needed to pull the plug for a while. So he hopped in his car and started driving without a destination. AC/DC was playing in the car at full blast while Tony drove down the highway. His mind was focused only on the song, the road was silent and empty. Somehow, driving in the rain, singing whatever song was blasting, in the dark of the night, had always relaxed him. He could barely see the road in front of him and he knew that he should pay more attention to what he was doing, but against his better judgment, he kept focusing on his own thoughts. It couldn't do any good, and he knew it. He was not looking at the road when something, or rather someone, crossed right i front of his car. He didn't see it coming and he didn't stop, basically running over it. He thought it was some kind of wild animal, a deer maybe, but he never would expect to find a full grown man laying on the street. Bucky didn't know why he crossed the road as soon as he heard a car passing by. He just did it. No wonder why he car ran over him. Sony stopped the car and ran out, hoping he ran over a animal and not a person. Bucky was laying on the road, bruised and exhausted. He thought he could die right there, after all, no one would have missed him, every single police officer thought he was a serial killer. Maybe, that was the only way to get out of that situation. Tony kneeled by Bucky's side, bending over him to check if he was still breathing. He was. However, he was covered in blood. "C'mon buddy, wake up, don't die on me" Tony shook him, trying to wake him up. Bucky finally opened his eyes and let out a growl. Tony sighed in relief. "C'mon let me take you to the hospital" said Tony, helping the strange man getting up. He was massive compared to Tony, he wasn't more than two inches taller than him, but he had very board shoulders that made him looked like a giant compared to Tony's figure. Tony helped him getting in the car. "No, no hospital, literally anywhere else, possibly out of the state" Tony sighed, sitting behind the wheel and turning the music back on. They drove in silence, well, Bucky was silent, Tony was humming along the songs, and stopped only when they found a motel. Tony booked a room for the two of them, he didn't want to leave him alone, he was possibly injured. Little did they know, that was the beginning of an amazingly crazy adventure. Bucky settled in the room and went to take a shower. Tony went out to grab something to eat and medical supplies. If Bucky didn't want to go to the hospital, he would bring the hospital to him. Bucky let his t-shirt fall on the ground. His whole body as covered in dry blood. He honestly didn't know if it was his or Steve's. He couldn't stare at himself in the mirror. Bucky slowly walked into the shower and let the shower run over him, washing away the blood. He leaned against the wall, letting himself fall on the floor. He took his hand into his head and finally let himself go. The only reason he knew he was crying was the salty taste of the tears falling in his mouth.

When Tony came back, Bucky was sitting on the bed, blankly looking at the wall in front of him. "Hey man, I bought you a cheeseburger" Tony said, sitting down next to him and handing him a burger. Bucky nodded and started to slowly unwrap it.  "By the way, I'm Tony" he introduced himself, reaching out for him. "James, but friends call me Bucky" Steve was the one to give him his nickname. He smiled at the memory and a single tear fell on his face. "I'm...uhm I'm sorry I ran over you" Bucky shook his shoulders. "I crossed the road, jumping in front of your car" "Are you hurt? I saw a lot of blood" Tony asked concerned. "No, I'm fine" Tony scoffed and turned n the TV. The news were on. Tony looked at the TV then at Bucky and then back at the TV. "Uhm, Bucky, why is your face on the news?"  "What?" Bucky turned towards Tony, took the remote and turned the volume up. "Shit shit shit fuck" On the screen there was Bucky's picture with a gigantic red WANTED written under it. "Care to explain what that is about?" "It's not what it looks like, I swear" "Oh I see, so you're face is not on the national TV and you are not wanted for murder" "No" Tony raised his eyebrow "Well yes, but also no" "Are you going to kill me?" "What? NO!" Tony let out a loud sigh. "Ok, now that I can relax, explain" "I've been framed for a series of murders, including my best friend's" Bucky sat on Tony's bed and Tony scooted closer to him, putting a hand on his thigh. "I'm immensely sorry" Bucky looked at Tony with a mall smile. "It's ok" "What's gonna happen now?" Tony asked "I mean, you are running from the police and I helped you, so this makes me an accessory to the crime. What's gonna happen now? Are we going to live on the run?" Bucky chuckled. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. And I don't know how we're going to get out of this" Tony lightly smiled and walked out of the room, coming back a few minutes later with a bottle of whiskey. He poured some in two glasses and passed one to Bucky. "Ok, first thing first, gimme your credit card and SIM card. We'll leave here here, from now on only cash. we're going to move every couple of days, with disguises." Bucky sipped on his whiskey, looking at Tony in awe. "Then, we have to understand who is trying to frame you. Suspects, leads whatever pops in your mind, you write them here" Tony said slapping a pack of sticky notes on the table. "Questions?" "Yes" Bucky smiled "Why do you have sticky notes laying around?" Tony laughed, tucking himself into the bed. "Seriously though, thank you, you don't have to do this. No one knows that you helped me" "Oh please stop it, we're in this together. Now go to sleep, we're leaving early tomorrow" Bucky chuckled. "Yessir" _____________________________________________________________________ "Ok, so we have a bunch of suspects that are totally unchained from each other. This means we have no lead" Bucky nodded, looking at the binder full of colourful sticky notes he and Tony had composed in the past weeks. Bucky threw himself on the bed, covering his face with his hands. "We're screwed" The TV was on on the news, now next to Bucky's face there was Tony's. "Every single piece of evidence they have is against me and once they get to us they will offer you plea deal to turn on me because let's admit it, I dragged you into this and you have no reason at all" Bucky caved into his pillow. "Then I'll be double screwed" Tony rolled his eyes and walked over to Bucky's bed, sitting next to him and started stroking his hair. "Buck, I might have an idea" Bucky looked up. "We're in this mess together and together we're getting out. See, I have a little bit of law training and there is this thing that will ensure that we're not forced to turn on each other" "And why didn't you say it sooner?" Bucky asked sitting up. "Yeah right. It's called spouse privilege. Essentially, if we're married, no one can force me to turn on you and vice versa" Bucky jumped up and started pacing up and down the room, in silence, with his hands in is hair. He slowly walked over to Tony and kneeled in front

of him. "Tony, will you marry me?" he asked taking one of his hands. Tony started laughing."Yes, yes I will Buckaroo" Bucky sat on the bed ad let himself fall on his back. Tony laid next to him . "Are we really doing this?" Bucky asked. "You'll have to break up with me, because now I am your fiancé" The two laughed. "You would have liked him" said Bucky after a moment of silence. Tony turned his head to look at Bucky. "Steve. You would have liked Steve" Tony nodded. "He was my best friend in the whole world, how could they think I've killed him? Why would I have killed my best friend?" Bucky started sobbing loudly in Tony's chest. Tony gently stroke his long hair until Bucky fell asleep, snuggled against him.

Bucky and Tony pulled out their best clothes - jeans and a white shirt- and pulled up at the docks. There the officiant who was supposed to marry them was waiting for them in front of his boat. Tony had found him on the internet the night before and had booked a wedding. Tony squeezed Bucky's hand before walking up to the man, giving him a reassuring glaze. "Do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take Anthony Edward Stark as your lawfully wedded husband?" Bucky looked at Tony in the eyes. Tony nodded. "I do" he said, moving Tony's ring from his index to his ring finger. "Do you, Anthony Edward Stark, take James Buchanan Barnes as your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do" he said smiling, putting the ring on Bucky's finger. "By the power vested in me by the State of Missouri, I now pronounce you husband and husband" Tony took Bucky's hand, gently squeezing it as the officiant handed then the marriage certificate. Tony left the man the cash they agreed on and the newly weds ran to their car. Tony started driving, smiling at the road. "Are you ok?" he asked Bucky. "This is weird, right? We barely know each other and we got married" Tony chuckled. "It's like you've never heard of an arranged marriage" Bucky gently hit Tony's shoulder. "This is nothing like an arranged marriage and you know it"

They had been driving for the whole morning, making hypothesis on new leads, unfortunately running in circles. "If we turn ourselves in, or let them find us, maybe we'll be able to have more resources and actually get something done" "You want them to catch us?" Tony nodded. "You're out of your mind. I would be risking death row here" Tony shook his head. "No you wouldn't. You supposedly committed the crimes in New York, we will be judged there, so no death penalty for you." "Are you sure? It can go extremely wrong, at least now we're...free" Tony pulled over by the side of the road. "We don't have the resources here to sort this out, if they catch us, maybe we can have a shot" "What if we don't?" Tony shook his head and made a hand gesture meaning that it was not the time to be pessimistic. "It's prison Tony" "Buck, you're my husband now, you're basically a Stark. My father's name still holds a certain power" Bucky looked at him. "Ok, we're doing this" Tony took out his phone, put in the sim card he had been saving and dialed Pepper's number. "Tony...WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Pepper screamed as soon as sh picked up. Bucky could hear her even if she wasn't on speaker. "Pep, I'm in a huge fucking mess" "Yeah, I know. You have some explaining to do" "Yes, I know, but now is not the time. Get the lawyers ready" A few minutes after Tony closed the call, they heard the police sirens behind them. Tony and Bucky looked at each other, smiling. Tony pressed on the gas pedal, exceeding the speed limit. "You know the phrase forget and it will go away? Well, it does NOT apply to being chased by police cars, trust me on this one" Tony said laughing, turning he volume up. Tony looked at Bucky. He looked scared. Tony held his hand, bringing it to his mouth ad leaving a small kiss on the top of it. "I'm on the highway to hell" Tony started singing along the AC/DC song that was blasting. "On the highway to hell" Bucky started singing along. When the song was over, Tony and Bucky looked at each other and Tony pulled over. The police cars stopped behind them. "Come out of the car, hands where I can see them" Tony and Bucky opened the door, slowly stepping out of the car, with their hands behind their heads. "You're under arrest, You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions. You have the right to have a lawyer with you during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time." the officers declared, while closing the handcuffs around Tony and Bucky's wrists. The officers pushed them into the car ad drove them to the closest police station, waiting to be escorted to New York. Tony took Bucky's hand. "It's going to be ok, i promise"

[stovetuna]

Stony for 30 or 40? I LOVE U SO MUCH UR FICS GIVE ME LIFE 💛💛👏

AHHHH YAY LIFE!!! you and an anon both requested #30, so here’s some classic tony!angst and protective!steve :3 — I PROMISE THERE IS A VERY MUSHY, VERY HAPPY ENDING

#30: “You’re not worth it.” (TW: child abuse, references to alcoholism, Howard being a shitty human being [but what else is new]) 

***

It’s Wednesday, and Wednesday means movie night at the mansion. A time-honored tradition that goes all the way back to the Avengers’ inception, back when Steve was still finding his way out of the ice—literally and figuratively—and Iron Man and Tony Stark were two different people. 

It’s been a long time since those early days, Tony thinks, watching the new team assemble on the couches, loveseats, beanbag chairs, and blankets strewn around the in-home movie theater. The screen isn’t excessively massive, per Steve’s wishes, but the sound is as good as it gets, per Clint’s; Tony updates the hardware year over year to keep up with the times, especially as film goes the way of digital (much to Steve’s chagrin). 

But tonight is Steve’s pick for movie, and Tony wonders if it was planned that way the moment Luke Cage asks what they’re going to watch and Steve gets that glint in his eye. The one that Tony can recognize from a mile away now without even trying, the one that screams “Steve Rogers is a little shit” and that very few people seem to be able to hear. 

Tony groans the moment Steve grins and says, “Home movies!” while revealing two armfuls of reels from behind his back, some of which are so dusty and small, Tony wonders if they’re Steve’s. 

The team settles in with enough snacks to put a rhino in a coma while Tony and Steve head to the back of the room where the vintage projector Tony pulled out of storage for the occasion awaits. 

“Next week, you can pick the movie,” Steve whispers conspiratorially, bumping Tony with a friendly elbow. Tony has to hold himself back from leaning into Steve in response, the way his body feels primed to do and has done for literal years, ever since—god, since always. But Tony knows his interest and affections are very much one-sided, and Tony doesn’t need to flagellate himself over it any more than he already does with everything else in his life. Plus, watching Steve with each of his girlfriends is more than taxing enough.

He’s had years of practice keeping his feelings for Steve from the man. He can handle an elbow and a wink. That shit’s practically child’s play. 

“If footage from my sweet sixteen made it into this lineup, we’re watching all three Die Hards,” Tony replies with a saccharine smile that makes Steve blanch. 

“Tony, no.” 

“Tony, yes.”

“The last time we watched Die Hard, Clint wouldn’t stop talking with a fake German accent for a week.” 

“I know! It was hilarious, and I want to get it on camera this time so I can send it to Alan Rickman. He’ll hate it.” 

Tony giggles at Steve’s huff, which is really a laugh disguised as exasperation, another one of Steve’s tics Tony knows by heart. The pain and joy of knowing that secretly splits Tony right down the middle—the joy of knowing Steve is a much bigger troll than anyone realizes, the pain of wanting to grab him and kiss him for it—but he hides it all with an elbow to Steve’s ribs and a muttered “jerk” under his breath. 

He’s spent the past ten years and change like this—halved by a love that makes him feel whole, which is an equation that shouldn’t work, but does, because Tony’s math is always right—so what’s one more night? In the grand scheme of things, not much, and every second of it is more than Tony could have ever hoped for. 

Together in the darkest part of the room he and Steve work in tandem to load the first reel onto the projector and let it run: it’s early footage of the first Avengers team, recorded off of a news broadcast. Down in front, the rest of the team throws popcorn and jeers, laughing themselves hoarse at the costumes, the villains, the dialogue—“‘He’s a real ball of fire!’” Clint wheezes from his beanbag before Natasha pelts him with Milk Duds—while Steve and Tony sit back behind the projector, shoulder to shoulder, running their own private commentary all the while:  

“I miss that armor.”

“Shut up, no you don’t.” 

“It’s true! Anyways, isn’t vintage all the rage these days? You should bring it back.” 

“I’m not bringing back Pointy-Faced Iron Man and his Roller Skates of Doom, Cap.” 

“Not even for me?” 

Tony slides Steve a look out of the corner of his eye, face still directed toward the screen, a classic are you fucking kidding me? if there ever was one. Steve bats his eyelashes in response, because of course he does. Unfortunately for Steve, Tony is mostly immune to that tactic by now. 

Mostly. 

“Let us watch Die Hard next week and I’ll consider it.” 

“Ugh, Tony…”

“Hey, heart-eyes! Next reel!” someone (see: Bucky) shouts. Not for the first time, Tony’s glad to be concealed in relative darkness back here—even Steve’s enhanced vision won’t be able to make out the blush Tony’s knows is all over his face right now. He also gets a reprieve from sitting so close to Steve, hyperfocused on his warmth and all of the sensory trappings of home that come with it, while he swaps out the old reel for a new one. New-er, rather. He doesn’t look at the case or look at any frames before feeding it through the projector. 

“Alright, you rabble-rousers, pipe down,” he shouts as the image on screen flickers to life. 

“‘Rabble-rousers’?” Steve quirks an eyebrow at him as he sits back down. Tony folds his arms over his chest and shushes him. 

“Don’t start.”

“Ooh, is that you, Tony?” Wanda coos from her place on the loveseat next to Vision. 

“Look at all of that hair! Danny Zuko’s got nothing on you, Stark,” Clint laughs. Tony nails him with a popcorn kernel right in the ear.

The footage unspools, harmless—albeit embarrassing—at first: it’s a home movie from when Tony was young, no more than eight or nine. He’s wearing what looks like the remains of what was once a nice suit, something his parents forced him into, probably, but devolved into undershirt and slacks and suspenders hanging down past his knees. He really was a gangly kid, wasn’t he? 

Tony laughs along with everyone else, warmed by Jarvis’ voice offscreen telling “Young Master Anthony” to show off his latest invention for the camera. He feels Steve’s eyes flicker over to land on him whenever young Tony smiles at the camera or laughs at something Jarvis says, but Tony ignores it. Mostly.

“He reminds me of Steve,” Bucky tells the room when young Tony is shown with a replica of Cap’s shield, posing triumphantly to the sound of Jarvis’ delighted laughter. Jess aww’s. 

“He does, kinda, doesn’t he?” 

“How have I never seen these before?” Steve whispers, leaning closer as he does. Tony swallows hard against the shiver that ricochets down his spine hearing that low voice in his ear. 

“A lot of things of mine you haven’t seen, Cap,” he replies, too late to stop the innuendo from slipping out. He looks at Steve after he says it and almost, almost lets out a gasp: when did Steve get so close? And why is he looking at Tony like that? All intense and considering? 

“Oh, here’s someone else I remember,” Bucky laughs. Tony turns away from Steve, grateful for the excuse, and starts to release the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

It gets caught in his chest the moment he sees himself filling up the screen, young Tony standing alone in Howard’s office, having perched the camcorder on the big oak desk to record himself with Cap’s shield—the real one this time, not a toy. On screen, Tony has his back to the camera, the vibranium shield clutched in his too-small hands. He has to perch it on the floor, its weight just enough to counterbalance Tony’s, but holding it…even now, he remembers the thrill of that first time. The cool touch of vibranium humming under his fingers, the knowledge that he was holding his hero’s greatest treasure…his adult fingers clench against his thighs at the memory. 

But then, the image shifts into a sharper memory still, and Tony feels something old and awful claw its way from somewhere deep in his chest, remembering all too well what comes next. It tastes like bourbon and cigar smoke and the metallic taste blood leaves on the tongue after you’ve been smacked in the mouth. Tony’s hands fly out to clutch the sides of his chair and stick there; he can’t move them to stop the projector in time. It just keeps playing out, each frame worse than the one before. 

Of course he remembers this moment. He remembers it perfectly, because it was the first time Howard really hurt him. Not with his hands, although the bruises did linger longer than usual, after. 

This was the moment when Tony, so tender and impressionable even at that “advanced” age, learned what his father really thought of him. 

That old, awful feeling feels a lot like drowning when he thinks of Steve seeing what’s about to happen, let alone the rest of the team.

“I’m Captain America and I’m here to save you!”

“You’re not saving shit, boy.” Howard stumbles into frame like a bad Vaudeville performer, slurring Tony’s name like an expletive. “Put that down, you fucking brat. You’re not worth it.” 

The blood rushing in Tony’s ears drowns out the sound of voices past and present. All he can see is Howard filling the frame in that horrible tan suit, gripping a bottle of bourbon by the neck. The image catches on young Tony’s terrified expression, the way he hides behind the shield that’s almost as big as he is. He watches his own mouth move—Cap will save me, he’d cried, so confident, so certain that his hero would come and put Howard through the wall and carry Tony away to safety—and then down the bottle comes…

“Turn it off! I said turn it off!” 

Something hits the projector hard enough to not only knock it off the table it was sitting on, but send both hurtling across the room. They smash to pieces against the far wall with a noisy clatter that almost stops Tony’s heart in his chest. 

For a moment, the only sound in the room is the thwap-thwap-thwap of film smacking the floor as the reel spins on and on until coming to a feeble stop. He can hear breathing, heavy and labored and sliding quickly toward panic, and he realizes with a shuddering gasp that it’s him making that sound.

Tony looks up and sees Steve standing where the projector once was, cradling his bleeding hand. The man looks stricken, pale and horrified, worse than if he’d seen a ghost; behind him, the team has inched closer, all of them wearing varying expressions of distress and pity and guilt and sadness, and suddenly Tony can’t bolt out of his chair fast enough. He can’t get away fast enough. He follows his feet out of the room into the corridor and down, down, down to the workshop where it’s safe, where he can’t get in, no one can, not unless Tony lets them. 

Someone is calling his name, but Tony disappears down the stairs before he can figure out who. He bursts through doors he can’t see and staggers over to the closest workbench, sucking in deep, ragged breaths like he can’t catch up to them. Is that a screw loose in his chest cavity, he wonders, gasping, because that rattling sound seems to indicate something has come undone that shouldn’t have. Howard’s dead, Tony reminds himself, over and over again. It’s a fact as true as any algorithm, so why won’t it take? 

JARVIS’s voice moves gently through the noise in Tony’s brain: “Sir, Captain Rogers is asking permission to enter.” 

Steve. 

Tony can’t decide if the thought of Steve seeing him like this helps or worsens the rattling in his chest. Either way he feels like shit, but only one of those ways ends up with Captain America pitying him, or worse. 

He’s so caught up in thinking about all the ways this could backfire he doesn’t realize JARVIS has let Steve into the workshop, regardless of Tony’s feelings on the matter. The realization sets in when Steve’s voice appears close to his ear, soft and low with a frisson of urgency, like he too is slightly out of breath. 

“Tony, it’s just me. It’s okay. I’m going to put my hand on your back.” 

Warmth spreads from Steve’s fingers through Tony’s shirt and into the skin high up on his back between his shoulders. Steve can probably feel how fast Tony’s heart is racing, but spares him his overt concern and instead keeps telling Tony what he’s going to do before he does it: a hand on Tony’s forehead, an arm around his back, asking JARVIS to turn the lights down to thirty-five percent. 

“I’ve got you, it’s okay.” 

Tony sags into Steve’s touch, his large, warm hand cradling Tony’s head like something precious; the deeper dark quiets the room around them, makes it less overwhelming, less full of ghosts waiting to cast their own opaque shadows on the empty walls. Tony and Steve are left standing in a dim light Tony knows makes him look sallow; he wavers on his feet, left to borrow from Steve’s strength because he can’t find his own. Lucky for Tony, Steve is right there, braced and ready for anything. Like always.

The rattling has settled somewhat, but Tony still has to rely on Steve to tell him when to breathe and how deeply. He forgets, sometimes, that Steve has experience dealing with panic attacks, which so often came before an asthma attack. Steve once told him that even years removed from his sickly days, he still remembers what it’s like to lose that grip on reality, feeling the heart too acutely as it beats against too-brittle ribs.

While Steve draws on those memories often enough with others on the team, it’s a rare occasion for Tony to be on the receiving end of Steve’s nursing hand like this. Jokes or angry silence over cuts, breaks, and bruises, sure, but this? Tender hands and a voice pitched low and soothing, lullaby-soft, speaking words of gentle encouragement? Tony’s head feels light with it. 

“Do you want to sit down?” Steve asks. Tony shakes his head against his palm. “Okay,” Steve whispers, his voice the only one in the room, which makes for a funny kind of one-sided conversation. Then, before he can think better of it, Tony turns toward Steve, wraps his arms around the man’s impossible waist, and hugs himself close to Steve’s radiating heat. He’s too gone for shame, and too weak; a soft, gentle Steve is hard to resist, even on good days. And this just became a no good, very bad day.

Fucking Howard.

Steve, for his part, takes the hug in stride like they do it every day. Tony likes to imagine it, touching Steve like this whenever he wants to, but that’s all it is—a fantasy. Just like being with Steve is a fantasy, one Tony has entertained for far too many years to count. He satisfies himself with Steve’s friendship, tells himself it’s enough, and if he happens to sleep with the occasional look-alike, that’s nobody’s business but Tony’s (and JARVIS’s, and in one deeply unfortunate instance, Pepper’s). 

Strangers want Tony Stark, the celebrity; Steve wants Tony as a friend and teammate. That’s all. So Tony steals his nice, platonic hug as he trembles and breathes his way out of a panic attack, being careful to avoid nuzzling the soft notch at the base of Steve’s throat the way he wants to. Badly.

He’s so preoccupied with holding all the disparate parts of himself together and hiding them so Steve can’t see, he doesn’t notice Steve’s hands start to rub his back in long, soothing strokes until Tony is half-melted in his steady arms, weak-kneed at how comforted he feels. Steve doesn’t say anything—just keeps moving his hands, up and down Tony’s back, across his shoulders, along his arms, and over again. He can’t remember the last time someone touched him like this, without motive, ulterior or otherwise; his skin feels warm down to his toes.

“Better?” Steve murmurs. Tony nods against his chest. He doesn’t let go. Neither does Steve, who seems to fold himself over Tony until they’re more like one person than two, standing there breathing together in Tony’s darkened workshop. 

Slowly, thoughts of Howard, of hurt, start to melt back into the shadows. In their place is Steve, filling up all of Tony’s empty spaces with light, even some of the ones he didn’t know he had. For such a strong man, Steve is unbearably gentle, handling Tony the way he might handle spun sugar or thin glass. Tony has never felt so genuinely cared for, and the fact that he can’t pull back and thank Steve with a kiss smarts a little in the face of it. 

That is, it does, up until the moment he feels Steve brush a kiss against where Tony’s hairline meets his forehead, soft and uncomplicated, but lingering, like Steve wants to stay there. To do more. Tony knows that move because he’s imagined doing the exact same thing to Steve, god, thousands of times.

Tony wants so much. Too much. Asking Steve for this would tip things precariously toward the latter. But the question is taken out of Tony’s hands the moment one of Steve’s perches itself under his jaw and tilts his face up.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says. 

“It’s ancient history,” Tony replies, maintaining eye contact through sheer willpower when all he wants to do is look at Steve’s mouth, now so close to his. 

“Not to you, it isn’t,” Steve counters, and there’s not much Tony can say to that. “I’ll talk to the team. They might have questions, and you shouldn’t have to answer them. Not tonight, anyways.” 

“I know you’ve got big shoulders, Steve, but you don’t have to take on my baggage on top of everything else.”

As they talk, their bodies never move an inch apart; chests pressed flush against each other, Steve’s fingers splayed along the side of Tony’s neck. All of it—the proximity, the tenderness, the intimacy—feels as natural as the breathing they just did together. Ten-plus years of friendship will do that. But then, the way Steve is looking at him doesn’t really scream friendship. 

It kind of screams I love you. 

Steve gives him that little smirk and says, “Maybe I want to.” Tony scoffs, flicking one of the shoulders in question for good measure. 

“God, how are you still such a horrible liar, Cap? Is there something in the serum that makes it impossible for you to keep a good poker face?”

“This is my good poker face,” Steve replies, and there it is again, the same look Steve gave him earlier before the night spun out like a race car with its wheels blown off: intense, considering, and so, so close. 

Tony swallows nothing but air. Steve, never breaking eye contact, cards his fingers through the hair on the back of Tony’s head and holds them there. 

“If I kiss you right now, will you have another panic attack?” he asks quietly. Not even a blink. The part of Tony’s brain—a scant centimeter, at best—that isn’t currently blasting a hundred sirens at full volume is actually kind of impressed.

“I doubt it,” Tony replies evenly. “I’ll probably just pass out.” 

The smirk becomes a full-blown grin. Steve squeezes his other arm around Tony’s lower back and hums, deep and resonant, in his chest as he leans down to brush his lips feather-softly against Tony’s. 

“You fall, I’ll catch you,” he whispers before dipping in for a proper kiss that floods Tony’s head with incandescent light. It’s chaste and measured and burning with mutual restraint, tastes faintly of the buttered popcorn Steve ate earlier, and the only way it could be better is if it never ended. 

Tony tightens his arms around Steve’s waist, and when Steve pulls away to speak, he doesn’t go far, seemingly content to stand there in Tony’s embrace in the middle of the dimly lit workshop. 

“Still breathing?” he asks. Tony smiles; Steve smiles back. 

“Takes a lot more than that to knock the wind out of me, Cap.”

The way Steve’s eyes darken at that little remark is definitely something Tony intends to investigate further, later. For now, he leans into the hand now resting on his cheek and sighs. 

“We’ll test that theory another time,” Steve husks before leaning forward to press a kiss to each eyelid. Tony hums happily, sinking further into Steve’s arms. “Can I carry you to bed?” 

Tony gives him a look. “I’m heavy,” he says. 

Steve just smiles, kisses Tony like he’s been doing it forever, and replies: “You’re worth it.”

- - - 

see? happy endings. fuck howard. 

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[sublimestarker]

Starker smut - Trim my hedges

Peter Parker was loaded. Most of it was family money, inherited by his parents and his uncle, but he still managed to double that amount. He worked on apps, and sometimes invested in properties and stock, with his aunt’s permission. “You’re only 19, Peter live your life while you’re young” she’d say and if he had a penny for every time he heard it and rolled his eyes, he’d be even richer. But even she couldn’t deny that their luxurious lifestyle had it’s perks - a nice apartment in Queens and a vacation home in the Hamptons. They were currently there, the July sun shining on Peter’s Ray-Bans as he watched his aunt showing the new gardener around. He knew that the staff never stuck around for too long, so he opted for scrolling through his phone instead of watching the man. Peter was forced to meet him later, when May introduced them.

“Peter, this is our new gardener, Anthony Stark.”

“Please call me Tony.” He said and stretched his hand out to the younger man. Tony, in his tank top and his dirty gardening gloves shaking hands with Peter who was dressed in Gucci pants and had a new Rolex on his wrist was a sight.

“Alright boys, play nice.” May ordered, before going back in the house.

“Kid, you should go in too, I’m gonna trim the hedges and it will get pretty loud.”

“Don’t worry, I have these.” Peter fished out a pair of Airpods from his pocket, and placed them in his ears, his music on low volume, so that he stayed focused. He wanted to observe the gardener a bit more. That guy wasn’t May’s usual type - tall, blonde, with muscles and blue eyes, like the precious ones. Peter particularly missed Steve Rogers, or Captain America,as they called him and a guy who he just called Thor. He had fucked them both, leading to their unemployment, thanks to his aunt. He still remembers the vicious arguments they got in.

“If you didn’t want me to have sex with guys who are twice my age you shouldn’t bring them over.” Peter yelled as he saw that May had fired Steve. His nerves got the best of him and he knew it.

“I didn’t bring them over, I asked them to work for me. You should really think of who you’re seen with, your little hookups can lead to bad press.” May shouted back. He hadn’t seen her this angry with him since he gambled last year.

“Bad press? What is this the 60s. I can sleep with whomever I want and the paparazzi won’t bat an eyelash.”

“Though you should be free to do whatever you want with your body, I’m still the adult here, Peter. There should be some limits. I just want the best for you, I don’t want you to get hurt like last time.”

“We’re still on that. I told you it was just a one time thing.”

“Is that why you were cooped up crying in your room for months. Because of a one time thing. Look I don’t want another Bucky breaking your heart.”

“Don’t call him that. Only I can say that. To you and everyone else he’s James.”

“But he wasn’t, wasn’t he. He was Bucky to his wife and kids, wasn’t he.”

“Get out.”

“Peter I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.”

“I said get out.” He screamed, face red and tears welling up in his eyes. He even threw a framed picture at where May stood moments ago.

Peter was snapped out of that memory when he felt his gardener tapping him on the shoulder.

“You’re so deep in thoughts that you didn’t feel that the first few times, huh kid. Anyway, I need to mow the lawn, so I’d suggest you move.”

“You don’t make the suggestions here. If I wanted I could get you fired right here on the spot.”

“Nice try kid, but I know that your aunt’s the boss here. Plus what are you going to do after you fire me? Replace me with a blonde, blue eyed muscular jock.”

Peter clenched his fist in anger.

“May told you.”

“Yeah, she didn’t want me making the same mistakes as the previous gardeners. Though looking at your attitude, I’m sure she won’t have a problem.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh, I know everything about you. Because I was you. I was a rich brat, with lots of cash and lots of fuck buddies.”

“Anthony Stark, Tony Stark, my father used to know your father. Wait, the Wikipedia article said that you ran away from home one night and that you’ve been MIA ever since.”

“Yeah kid, I know what it says, I wrote it. The truth isn’t that glamorous or mysterious. One night my old man saw me sneaking in my boyfriend. He banished me, it was a different time then. And I’ve been on my own since then. I was 18 and on the street, it was literally rags to riches, but well riches to rags. I tried a lot of things. Took a few odd jobs, went to community college, even tried to get back into the family business after my dad passed. Well nothing worked and here I am, in what I’m convinced is my personal hell on earth.”

“Why did you take this job then? You knew what you were getting into.”

“Because it’s the only way I can get money.”

“You see that little garden over there - Steve planted marigolds for me when he was still here. They should bloom in a week. If you stay at your job until then, you’re free to leave and I’ll even give you an extra 10 k. But if i seduce you before that, you’ll have to work here, all summer, every year. Do we have a deal?”

“Sure kid. Just don’t go crying when you can’t afford to get a new Audi because I can keep it in my pants.”

The next day Peter set his plan in motion, thanking God that May had to go back to New York to handle some unexpected business. He was going simple - sunbathing while Tony was working. So he sat in his chaise lounge, Versace sunglasses on and a tiny pink thong. Better to leave somethings to the imagination. Plus skinny dipping in his pool was one of his other options.

Seeing that his gardener was coming, Peter rubbed some tanning lotion on his milky white skin, before saying seductively.

“Hey, can you help me with the back.”

“Sure kid.”

He spread the lotion down the younger man’s back, obeying every command to go lower.

Tony’s hands were millimeters from Peter’s ass, when the older man leaned in and whispered in his ear.

“Why don’t you get dressed before your neighbor comes over to greet you.”

“Neighbor? Wait someone’s coming over for the summer? Which house is it, the one on the left of the right?” Peter asked frantically as he covered himself with a towel. It couldn’t be, right. He wouldn’t come back here again.

“Right. Why?”

“Did you see who was there? Was it just a woman, or a man, or a couple with kids?”

“It was a couple. What don’t you know your neighbors? If it helps jog your memory, the man had a sleeve tattoo of a biomechanical arm, can’t miss it.”

“Bucky.”

“You do know them. So, what is Bucky some old guy, whose son you fucked or something?.”

“He’s my ex. And he absolutely mustn’t see me.”

As if on que, there was a ring on the doorbell.

“Please get it.”

“Kid you have to reap what you sew. I’m not bailing you out.”

“I’ll pay you.”

“Get in the house before he can see you.” Peter flashed him a smile, before jogging into the house. Locking himself in his room, he peaked through the curtains to see what was going on. He could spot Bucky and Tony arguing, then his ex leaving. His gardener then climbed up the stairs and knocked on Peter’s door.

“Thank Tony. I owe you one.”

“Cash rules everything around me, kid. Now come on, give me the money, Parker.”

“How about a blowjob, it’s worth more than I could ever give you in cash.” Peter tried his luck.

“The money, now.” Tony said through his teeth, one hand gripping Peter’s throat.

“Yes daddy.” The younger man replied instinctively, and made a mental note of how Tony bit his lip at that. Peter grabbed a pen and his checkbook, writing a quick cheque to Tony.

“There’s an extra grand for your silence on everything that happened.”

“Pleasure working with you kid.”

Peter could see Bucky’s car driving away, thanks to someone telling Ms. Barnes exactly where her husband had been earlier.

A few days passed and Peter tried his best to seduce Tony. From skimpy outfits to touches that lingered on for more that they should have, nothing seemed to work. But he had some tricks up his sleeve.

Tony had almost forgotten about the younger man’s seduction attempts and didn’t think much before accepting his proposal of a movie night. He was lounging on the expensive white couch with Peter in gray sweatpants beside him. The movie was Beach rats, Pete’s pick of course. But when them first sex scene started on the screen, Tony noticed something unusual, Parker was moaning. Taking his eyes from the screen Stark noticed that not only was the younger man moaning, he was touching himself. He didn’t stop stroking his cock when he noticed the gaze on him, he even started thrusting faster.

“Peter that’s indecent exposure.”

“But I’m not exposing anything, Mr. Stark. There’s a perfectly good movie and you’re watching me. Seems like you want to sleep with me.”

“Fine, if that’s how you wanna play it, I’ll watch the movie.” Tony said as he glued his eyes to the tv. He was staying focused until

“Tony” a desperate breathy moan cane from Peter’s lips. Ignore it, your will is strong.

“Mr. Stark, please.”. He’s just some little bratty twink.

“Fuck me, Tony.” You could be his dad.

“Daddy”. With that Peter came, his eyes were closed and his cheeks were a rosy shade of pink. Tony still kept his eyes on the screen, but there was a bulge in his jeans. Peter didn’t miss that and quickly came up with a plan on how to work with that.

“Well I’ll have to do laundry now. Mind if I squeeze past?” He said and accidentally fell into Tony’s lap, grinding his hips, feeling the throbbing member beneath him.

“Wow, Mr. Stark, you’re packing. You know I usually don’t care about size, but damn I’m sure you.” Before he could finish his sentence, Tony pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me, kid.”. Well plan failed.

Tomorrow was Peter’s only chance to seduce Tony. It wasn’t about the money anymore, nor was it a matter of pride. The younger man was genuinely in love and that terrified him.

Maybe if Peter fucked Tony all these feelings would just disappear. He was determined to find out. That morning they didn’t even exchange words. Tony was working by the pool when Peter jumped in. He swam a lap, before tossing his swimming trunks by the other man. Then he decided to practice his backstroke, showing off his “technique”.

“Care to join me? You don’t need a swimsuit. Come on daddy.”

Tony just sighed and started stripping. Peter’s eyes sparked up with joy. He was winning. And more importantly he was going to be fucked in his pool. Looking his crush up and down, he bit his lip. For an old man Tony had a nice body. Toned abs, big biceps, that perfect v that drove the guys crazy and his dick. Peter couldn’t wait to have it in his mouth, running his tongue over the uncircumcised length.

“Earth to Parker.” Tony was right next to him, oh god, he was so hard for the older man. “You know this week I realized that you get flustered by me. You, Peter Parker the handsome rich boy who can have any guy, likes me, an old man.”

“You’re not that old.”

Tony took steps forward and Peter backwards, until his back hit a wall. Peter’s breath hitched and Tony leaned into him, their lips millimeters apart.

“Is it worth it, if you loose all the money.” Peter asked, clearly taunting the other man.

“Everything’s worth it for you, baby boy.”

Peter closed his eyes and pressed his soft lips against Tony. But instead of feeling lips, he felt a hand. Anthony had placed his large palm between them.

“Psych.”. He said, before exiting the pool and drying off with Peter’s towel. Peter shamelessly rutted his hips against that same towel before cuming with Tony’s name on his lips.

The next day the marigolds had bloomed. Peter picked one and placed it behind his ear, as a sigh of defeat.

When Tony arrived he wasn’t dressed in his usual gardening clothes, but instead he was in a rainbow crop top and booty shorts.

“Parker where’s my cheque. I’m dying to go to the bank like this.”

“Oh, I was prepared to give you cash.” Peter said, opening his Balenciaga fanny pack to reveal stacks of 100 dollar bills.

“I want a cheque. I want to have physical proof that Peter Parker couldn’t seduce me.”

“Fine.” Peter pouted, stomping his feet up to his bedroom, followed by Tony. When he wrote the cheque, he handed it to the older man.

“Oh, Peter, one more thing.”. Before Peter could say anything, Tony pressed his lips against his. The kiss was hungry and sloppy, all tongue and teeth clashing together. The older man almost ripped off the buttons of Peter’s shirt, playing with his nipples. Tony pulled down his lover’s pants.

“Going commando? I bet you were watch me work and play with yourself, wishing that I was touching your sensitive cock, huh baby.”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Well you don’t have to wish for it any more, cause it just came true.”. Tony palmed Peter’s erection, swirling the precum from his head to the base.

“Need to taste you, baby boy.”. With one bob of his head Tony could deepthroath Peter. His cock was sensitive, he was ready to come just from that.

“Daddy please.”

“Fuck, baby boy, you have to be needier than that. As much as I like having your pretty cock in my mouth, I want you. Get on your hands and knees for daddy.”

“Lube and condoms are in the bedside drawer.”

Tony kissed Peter reassuringly, then coated his fingers in lube. His finger slid in easily.

“Baby boy, did you play with yourself this morning?”

“Yes.”

“And who did you think about?”

“You, daddy.”

“You know that bad boys get punished. Count how many spanks I’m gonna give you.”

Tony’s hand struck Peter’s bottom, loving how the younger man’s hole tightened around him. After 5 spanks Peter was a mess. His ass was red and he was drooling on the pillow, begging for Tony’s cock inside of him.

“Just a but more, baby.” said the older man. He couldn’t take the teasing either. He had to have his baby boy, now. So he just added two fingers and scissored them, opening up Peter. As the younger man moaned, Tony opened the condom and lubed it up, before entering his lover.

“Fuck, baby boy, you’re so tight for me.”

“Daddy, you’re so big, you feel so good.”

“Beg for me, Peter.”

“Daddy, please harder. I need you, please.”

“Okay, baby.”. Tony bottomed out, causing Peter to let out an almost pornographic moan.

“Right there. I’m gonna cum.”

“Say my name.”

“Tony.”

“Try again, baby boy.”

“Mr.Stark.”

“I won’t let you cum if you’re wrong one more time.”

“Daddy.”

“That’s right, baby boy. Now come for me.”. Peter came, making a mess on his bedsheets. He rode it out quickly, cock softening.

“Help daddy come, Peter. Touch yourself.”

“But I’m still sensitive, it hurts.”

“Do you want me to feel good?”

“Yes daddy.”. Peter touching himself and let out a whimper, his hard cock already twitching in his hand. Tony wrapped his fist against him, causing him to groan out and slow his pace.

“Don’t stop ,baby, I’m almost there.”. Just as Tony came, he could feel Peter’s hole tightening, the boy had come again.

“You did so good, baby boy. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you daddy. Can you help me wash off, all this cum is sticky.”

[kindredsoulsoftimesofold]

Incoming TROS rant

yes, there will be spoilers as I will be breaking down everything I saw tonight. If I manage to type choking on my tears well after the movie finished.

----

FINAL WARNING IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS

Let’s start with a few opening words, this rant will indeed be a long one.

ALL THE LEAKS ARE TRUE. And I mean ALL of them. To a T. As soon as I saw the first half was exactly as I’d read, I was crushed. As I knew what was coming. On that note, i was probably the only person in the theatre who was crying like 15-20 minutes before we were supposed to, I’ll get to that in a bit. I’m saving the WORST for last. Let’s break this shit down.

1. The plot is a mess. An actual mess. I feel like every five minutes I was shaking my head and mumbling ‘what kind of nonsense is this’. The breaking of lore or COMMON SENSE really is substantial. But that is definitely not what I cared about, as I already KNEW this even without the leaks. When you can’t get your two directors to FUCKING WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A COHESIVE STORYLINE it is bound to grasp for straws and make shit up. IT AIN’T NOTHING NEW.

2. Here’s the kicker. THE DIALOGUE WAS SO BAD, it makes Anakin’s AOTC speech seem like a hymn, or poetry or whatever. They CONSTANTLY say what they’re doing, they’re literally reciting the exposition to each other and it comes off as extremely annoying and makes you feel like a toddler. No hate against toddlers, but I’d rather not be one right now. It feels unnatural, forced and STUPID to the point where I would start WISHING for 3PO to come back on screen because Anthony Daniels somehow managed to snag some actually decent lines for once? I love the man, but the droid usually really annoys the crap outta me. He was literally the highlight of the film. Don’t get me started on the stupidity of all of Lando’s lines, poor Billy. Daisy has to stare angrily most of the time so I don’t really care to recall her lines. Adam, my dear Adam, he tries SO HARD to make do with what he was given but even his lines 90% of the time come off as stupid and out of place. Or the worst type in this movie, EXPOSITIONYY. Don’t get me started on Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford. Boys looked like they didn’t sign up for this shit and were literally force choked to be there. I feel you guys, I feel you. ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF THE FORCE THE TIMES THEY REPEATED WORD FOR WORD LINES FROM OTHER MOVIES I WANTED TO SCREAM. Once is too much, THIS MANY TIMES IT IS A FELONY. And it needs to be punished somehow.

3. Let’s get the positives out of the way because there were FEW. The two scenes I actually REALLY enjoyed watching, for different reasons were:

Ben and Palps meeting. The scene was much longer than the clip and SUPER badass. Sheev’s voice echoes, Ben looks fucking cool and the whole scene is GORGEOUS.

The other is when Ben fights as a Jedi in the end. I’ll get to Ben later BELIEVE ME but without overexplaining, he fights with Anakin’s lightsabre, he’s really speedy and is doing all the Jedi spins and whatnot. I fucking ATE THAT UP. Replay that scene forever please CAUSE I LOVED IT. But I was already crying here so we’ll touch more on that later.

To conclude this segment, the visuals were SUPERB, the sound was AMAZING and (some) of the fights were jaw droppingly cool. But that about concludes the positives!

4. I will comment, as I know a lot of people will care even if I don’t particularily. Finn, Poe, Rose and the merry gang aside from our Jedi are reduced to EH this movie. If you thought you’d never miss Rose boy were you wrong. They introduce new characters and expect you to care about them when they SIDELINED the ones they’d hoped you’d care about BEFORE. And it made me care about NO ONE. Not to mention that, sadly, they are ALWAYS reduced to the boring side plot that really isn’t interested or key to much of ANYTHING. Sure they roused the people and all but would’ve been TOAST if Rey didn’t go all Jesus on the fleet. So at the end of the day, you MAY find some enjoyment with the side characters but their lines were some of the worst, you WILL be force fed new people and you might not really enjoy your previous faves here because even I found myself being completely indifferent this time. (I actually really ENJOYED Finn since TFA. He had a compelling storyline and John Boyega was alright. Couldn’t give two wits about him in this movie. Not a single one. But again, I may not be the perfect person to ask if you really,really like any of these characters.

5. Finally, we have arrived to the main event. THE REYLO.

The backbone of this clusterfuck of a new trilogy. The last Skywalker and Palpatine, coming together instead of apart. The arguably BEST actors (legacies aside) Disney managed to get. Now, I will start this off that I didn’t HATE Rey before this movie. I loved her in TFA, enjoyed her less in TLJ but the novelization fixed that. I was BACK ON BOARD to be her number one stan. In this movie, I couldn’t STAND her. Her lines are basically the director walking you through things, her plotline was obviously made last minute so almost none of it makes sense,  I literally wanted to curl up and DIE from cringing so hard every time someone said ‘you’re a Palpatine’. I thought I was looking at a very expensive rendition of terrible fan fiction. (Not to diss fan fiction in any way, you guys will be my heroes after this catastrophe.) ‘Empress Palpatine’, COME THE FUCK ON AND GET OUT WITH THIS SHIT. Bring back crusty old Snoke for crying out loud! Or even HUX! Who got killed off in a second and had three lines of dialogue, not important I guess? Like a great many things I guess, JJ. But, EVEN Palpatine aside, it was great seeing him again and every scene he was in I got chills, who cares that it makes zero sense at this point. Back to reylo.

Ben. Ben Solo Organa Skywalker. The last hope. The final remnant of something I have loved FOREVER. I grew up with Star Wars, like many others just in a different, post prequel era and they are still my favourites. This might sound ridiculous but Star Wars was part of my heart, my happiness. It brought me joy to watch it, read it, fantasize about it and have it in my life when times were dark or miserable. It MEANT something to me, as I am sure many of you will agree. And Ben was part of that. He was part of something that MEANT something to all of us. He was the last line of the characters we all grew up with and loved. The GRANDSON of Anakin, my favourite character of all time. This was their chance to stop the trend that Loki’s death in IW and Daenerys’ death and turn and many others started and STOP killing people who did wrongs. PEOPLE can change, they can grow and they can learn. Hell, to not stray to far from this franchise REY has killed A LOT of people in this movie alone. She DECIMATES the room full of Palpatine’s followers and never blinks an eye. SHE NEARLY KILLS CHEWIE, DOES KILL BEN (for a minute) and SHE DOESN’T NEED TO DIE. Of course she doesn’t but BEN DOESN’T EITHER. After all that YOU JJ, YES YOU, show me that the LAST SKYWALKER has gone through, suffered, alone and frightened. I would’ve ENDED you if you’d suggested killing him off to me, EVER. He was your chance to do a reverse Vader, AS YOU CLAIMED YOU WOULD. To show a character can come back to the light and be worthy of it WITHOUT DYING. You even set it up as such, which is my next and CRUCIAL POINT.

I’ve been a reylo since 2015. Their dynamic has always been fascinating to me and beautiful. I LOVED all the moments in TLJ, LOVED THEM. In this one, every time they force bond (terrible dialogue aside, again) I was happy. I had a hope that she would bring him back from the darkness and he will keep her balanced. WELL, JJ, guess fuck me huh? And anyone with common sense and human decency. JUST WHEN you shove Ben’s turn in my face, you make him talk to Han, you make him strut in to fight alongside Rey in full Ben Solo Jedi mode, hair blown and casually dressed. It was when he runs onto Exegol that I started weeping. Because knowing that he dies as I did, it broke my heart how it was done. You give me the scene where he fights and you give me hope of what his future could’ve been if only you’d listened to reason and done what was supposed to be done. He is chucked into the pit, WHICH MIGHT I ADD WOULD’VE MADE ME MAD IF THAT WAS HIS END BUT WOULD’VE BEEN SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT WE GOT, comes back. And now comes the scene that cemented this as the ABSOLUTE WORST insult to me as a fan, possible. Ben is heartbroken that Rey is dead, the moment is sad and he cradles her dead body and hugs her desperately. Which would’ve been a beautiful and GOOD DIFFERENT type of ending. Or rather not having her die at all and being NEAR her death and him saving her and both living happily ever after BUT NO. JJ AFTER THAT has her come back, smile happily when she sees it’s him, her love her hope and the other half of her SOUL literally (the diad or whatever it’s called is so rare that Palpatine was thrilled they’d formed such a bond, basically space soulmates), he has them kiss, then hold each other and smile at each other with genuine feeling of joy and belonging both of them had sought all their life AND THEN YANKS IT FROM UNDER YOU. The scene where Ben falls flat onto his back is quite comical and I couldn’t help but laugh in my misery and sobbing. Rey doesn’t even cry, we don’t even LINGER on his body or mourn him afterwards or even mention it or EVEN SEE her, THE PERSON WHO LITERALLY FOUND HER SOULMATE AND WAS SO HAPPY WHEN SHE KISSED HIM AND WAS LITERALLY SAVED BY HIM, but no guess that doesn’t require a scene, sure, fuck it LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. The cheery music that plays up until the moment of his fall, YES THE FALL OF SKYWALKER MIND YOU NOT A FUCKING RISE, was an insult to every fan everyhwere, lifelong or recent or otherwise, it was a punch to the gut, a slap in the face and after this happened I no longer paid attention to the movie. I’d been crying for some time leading up to the moment, I knew what was coming and the execution only made it worse and a more desperate cry rather than only sad, I was hoping it wouldn’t happen somehow. I choked back tears until I finally got home and cried. One of the things which MEANT so much to me, was dead. I no longer have any doubts, that this was intentional. Look at Game of thrones, that was this year. It seemed intentional to make series stop, right? Everyone agrees. They wanted to finally bury the Skywalkers so they could make something unrelated? They kill off all the Skywalkers. Well guess what disney? YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BRING THEM BACK IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MONEY HUNGRY PIECE OF SHIT. No one would have minded a new trilogy, with new characters doing NEW things. Why even drag the Skywalkers and the leagies into this if YOU DON’T WANT THEM HERE? All you got was millions of lifelong fans of the old movies who have already felt or are only now beginning to feel BETRAYED. I swear it disney, I don’t want to feel this misery again. You won’t take Star Wars away from me and the joy it brought me. I will without a care in the world dismiss this new trilogy as something completely separate from canon. You’ve killed your own fanbase. You could’ve had us but you LOST us. You dangled something we wanted in front of us for our money and then you ripped it apart.

If you are anything like me, anything like me at all and have loved SW for however long. if it MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, I beg you not to see this movie or at the very least, pay for it. You WILL feel betrayed, insulted, heartbroken, devastated and miserable, as I am feeling right now. I was supposed to go see this movie another two times but i cannot and will not spend another CENT on a company that chooses to alienate me. Fine, have it your way. I’m done.

This concludes my rant as I am tired and upset. If I missed out on anything and you are interested in anything else, please do DM me or leave a comment :) We’re all in this together now, the reylos the antis the new fans and the old. We’re all in the same heartbreaking boat, I love you all. And I will love Star Wars. The REAL Star Wars forever. I wasn’t even sad the ‘FRANCHISE’ was ending because it wasn’t. It had ended a long, long time ago.

[bards-witcher]

Ohm and Cartoonz reading fanfiction about each other? Ohm getting flustered and Cartoonz getting flirty while they read? Eventually, Ohm reads a part of it where he grabs Luke's shirt and pulls him into a kiss, but Luke starts saying how unrealistic it was because Ohm would never do that, but Ohm's like, "You wanna bet?" and suddenly Luke is the one getting flustered.

Thank you for the prompt!! I hope you enjoy It, although I feel like I may have diverted away from it too much :/ I’m always happy to redo it if you like :D

[Ohm POV]

Toonzy: u up?

He stared at the discord message that popped up on his screen, smiling at who sent it, of course, Luke would be the only other person awake at this ungodly early hour of the morning.

Ohmie: yh why?

Toonzy: You know how when you get bored you search weird shit and you just keep going further and further in?

Ohmie: please don’t tell me you started watching pimple popping vids again, I don’t want to see or hear that shit

Toonzy: Nah I started reading fanfiction

Toonzy: Of us

Toonzy: It’s…. interesting to say the least

He stared at the screen in front of him as he processed what Luke had sent him, he could feel his face heating up at the thought of what Luke could have read. He’s not going to deny that he’s fallen down the same hole and actually enjoyed whatever colorful scenarios their fans made up, but that was a secret he never wanted to bring to the light of day.

Giving a sigh he pressed the call button, only a few seconds passing before Luke answered it, a terse silence filling the air between them.

“So, fanfic huh?” he felt awkward speaking and he’s sure it’s quiet enough that you could hear a pin drop.

“Yeah, I had some free time so decided why the hell not, and yeah…” He could hear Luke clear his throat, a tell-tale sign that he was caught off guard and/or he messed up, sometimes both. He tried to hide his laugh as he thought of some of the times during games the older man would try and throw something so confidently that there’s no way he could fail, only to miss and pause before clearing his throat as he tried again. That train of thought was stopped when Luke spoke up again “seems to me that the fans are trying to tell you something Ohm, you’re my bitch in every story I’ve read”

He couldn’t hold back his laugh at the comment “Fuck off, you’ve been my bitch in those fics plenty of times”

“Oh yeah? Prove it?”

It was a silent challenge, one that could potentially change their friendship for good or worse. He decided to ignore the implications of his choice as he gave his answer “Give me a sec”

Despite it being almost three in the morning they spent the next few hours swapping fics between one other, often narrating parts of the story they thought funny or outlandish.

“Why does everyone think you like drinking coffee? You out here spreading lies Ohm? Do I need to come punish you?” Lukes’ booming laugh came through the speakers which were coupled by his own giggles and flustered face. In the back of his mind, he was trying to ignore the fact he was enjoying this a lot more than he should, as well as that last remark Luke had made which had almost sounded genuine.

“Hey, I drink coffee plenty of times thank you very much”

“Heart attack in a cup is more like it, whatever the fuck you’re drinking sure ain’t coffee anymore”

“Whatever, my big strong muscle man, why don’t you go rip your shirt off”

“THAT WAS ONE FIC”

He couldn’t stop the laughs spilling out of his mouth as he could hear Luke try to gain back any semblance of control he had “Well you’re the one who had some kinda kink for it, can’t blame me for trying to please my man”

Now they were both laughing, his face red whether from breathlessness or something else, he wasn’t too sure. He could feel an undercurrent of electricity between them, even though they weren’t actually together. It almost felt as if they heading towards a cliff edge with no plan on stopping.

“Besides, I need me a man who actually has balls, you know, someone who can still use the bathroom despite there being a tiny ass spider in there” Luke only laughed harder at his own remark as he waited for his response.

“Hey! That thing was huge, I wasn’t gonna go anywhere near it. If you’d have seen it you would’ve reacted exactly the same”

“Ohm. It was literally the size of my pinky nail”

“Not my fault you have weirdly large hands”

“pfffttt, if you can’t handle an itty bitty spider how the fuck you gonna do anything in these fics huh?”

“Says who?”

“Says me, bitch. Not tryna be funny Ohm but the tamest thing here is dragging me in for a kiss and I doubt your capabilities to do even that”

“Wanna bet” he made his voice deeper than usual, the one he knew got under Lukes’ skin and made him squirm, a secret that had been admitted to him over a drunk call and something the older man had seemingly forgotten the next day. Silence rang through their call, he can faintly hear the sound of Luke moving around in his chair, but no other response was forthcoming. “Unless you’re not ballsy enough that is”

When no response came still, he started to panic, thinking maybe that had been it, he’d finally driven them off of the cliff edge. He was about to apologize before he heard Luke clear his throat, and he couldn’t help but smile at himself as he heard the false bravado in Lukes’ voice “You know what sure, I ain’t afraid of a little bet. Ain’t like you’re gonna be showing your face anytime soon anyway”

“1-year time limit and the winner gets $50. Goodnight Toonzy” He ended the call before Luke could reply, smiling to himself as he shut off his computer and started to get ready for bed, smiling at the ‘Deal’ Luke had sent him before going to sleep.

[Luke POV]

It was that time of the year again when he would travel to LA for E3, to not only get a good look at the games coming out and the chance to play them but to also spend some time with his friends and the odd fan here and there.

There were a couple of days left on the deal he’d made with Ohm which felt like a lifetime ago. For the past month, he’d been counting down the days before he’d cash in, every other day sending the masked gamer his PayPal link in preparation for it.

A tiny thought in the back of his mind couldn’t help but feel disappointed though, a small part of him had hoped that between the fanfiction reading and the flirting that there may have been something there, that maybe something could happen, it was just waiting for that final spark to send all their boundaries to ashes.

He’d traveled with Mark to the expo, only noticing when they got to their floor that his friend wasn’t in the room next door as was planned.

“Thought you were supposed to be next to me?”

“Said they had no rooms together, this was the best they could do” He decided to ignore the side eye Mark gave after his comment, how he seemed to be antsy to get into his room almost.

He pegged his weird behavior to tiredness before letting him escape to his room, both planning on getting some time to rest before they headed out that evening.

He couldn’t have been in his room for more than 30 minutes before he heard a knock on his door, letting out a sigh, he got up off his bed to answer it. He’d expected to see Mark or Anthony or any other one of his friends standing there, but he had no idea who the man in front of him was, although a small part in the back of his brain was niggling at him that he knew him.

He couldn’t stop the appreciative gaze he swept over the smaller man, at his messy brown hair and flushed cheeks to his toned body and nonchalant smile, how he stood there with a glint in his eye as if he was holding a secret.

“Hey Toonzy”

He knew that voice, he would be able to recognize that voice anywhere but his mind somehow couldn’t put the dots together, how the man in front of him was his best friend. He doesn’t know how long he stood there, eyes wide and mouth open as he tried to process what was happening, finally able to stutter out a response.

“Ohm? What the fuck are you doi-“ Before he could finish his sentence he saw Ohm reach for him, giving himself a firm grip on his hoodie before tugging him forward, he barely managed to stop himself from falling before lips were pressed against his.

It only took a moment for his brain to scream at him to kiss him back before he was reciprocating, the both of them not caring who saw them as they stood in the hallway, their kiss getting more and more heated until eventually, they had to break away for air.

They both smiled down at each other as they caught their breath, Ohm still had a firm grasp in his hoodie, almost as if he was scared to let go. Despite the fact that he really wanted to continue kissing Ohm, he grabbed the younger man’s hands and pulled them off of his hoodie before throwing the man and wink and heading back into his room.

“Luke, I’m sorry, did I-“

“Don’t get your panties in a twist Ohm, I’m only getting your $50 for your services” He couldn’t stop himself laughing as he saw the look of indignation on Ohms’ face before the man somewhat composed himself and had a wicked gleam in his eye.

“You’re lucky I don’t spank your ass because of that, now shut up and get on the bed” He couldn’t stop the shiver that Ohms’ comment sent down his spine, especially because he was using that deep voice that always had some sort of effect on him.

“Yes, sir” Not one to be taken lightly he walked over to Ohm who had started to make his way into his room before picking him up and over his shoulder, ignoring his shriek before dropping him onto the bed. The way he was now sprawled over the bed, cheeks red and breath heavy as they stared at one another was a temptation he was never going to be able to refuse.

It’s the next morning when they’re both tired and sore, wanting nothing more than to stay in this room and this moment with one another.

“Who do you think’s gonna be the first person to recognize you? Anthony?” He spoke into the quiet of the morning, enjoying the feeling of having Ohm wrapped up in his arms as the smaller man chuckled at the words.

“Wanna bet?”

[thelostsmiles]

If this is how I feel with having just seen him, I can’t even imagine how it’ll be meeting him one day...

This year has been a blessing. April and May have been my favorite so far. I wanted to write about Letters Live in NY this past weekend but how could I when I haven’t even written about the IW premiere? I share my moment with you now :) It’s long but it’s everything I want to say and pictures are included so if you’re up for it, enjoy x

I had already been planning to go to the Avengers Infinity War LA premiere since last year. I asked for the day off and things were looking good.

The premiere was on Monday. With so many high profile celebrities attending, I expected a big crowd. Even so, I underestimated the event. I got there on Sunday early afternoon and there were already about 40 people in front of me. I did not lose hope though. Night time came and the workers started putting up tall, black barricades along the sidewalk, the same sidewalk where we were standing waiting. Everyone around me got discouraged because it seemed we wouldn’t even be able to see them walk the red carpet (it was actually purple in representation of Thanos). I felt a little anxious about it but I was already there and I was in it for the long-haul. After a chilly night, morning came and people started putting away the camping gear they had laid out. Some women left to use public restrooms to change into nicer clothes and others left to get breakfast. I had formed an alliance with two comic book aficionados in front of me and a couple of lovely teenage girls behind me who were there to see Seb. We watched each others place in line as we took turns leaving our spot for necessities. I refused to drink and eat too much in fear that I’d miss an announcement or something of the sort. Around 11am, we saw police officers come near us and they started taking measurements up against the black gates that were in place. They didn’t give us any updates but we kept on eye on them and tried to listen to their conversation. Our biggest fear was that they would block every one and nobody would get to see a single thing. About 15 minutes later, I saw them from a distance coming back with tall and wide hedges that were to be placed next to the ends of the gates to look pretty. They were closing off everyone that wasn’t in the very front inside of this bullpen looking box. I was right next to the closing section. I did not just sleep on the cold, hard floor for nothing. I was not about to miss my opportunity of seeing Benedict for the first time. The group in front of me asked the people in front of them if they would squeeze forward to allow us to get closer behind them. Surprisingly, they did. And that’s when I somehow managed to get into the box right before the hedges went up and they closed everyone else off. It ended up being about 100-150? fans in the box. I had made it! I would be getting a wrist band guaranteeing that I would see the stars... the one star I was there for.

After a couple more hours and a few issues here and there, the time had come. I was at the very front up against the gate. I was quite happy because since I’m short, there’s no way I’d get to see anything if I was in the back with taller people in front of me. I had my special comic book open and ready. I was set.

I saw Tom Holland, Tom Hiddleston, Zoe Saldana, Mark Ruffalo, Paul Rudd, Chadwick Boseman, Dave Bautista, Anthony Russo, Stan Lee, Chris Hemsworth, Karen Gillan, Letitia Wright, Gwyneth Paltrow, and more. They were all lovely but both Toms, Mark, and Paul were by far the sweetest of all!

I was yet to see my main man. I was getting nervous. I had many thoughts rushing through my mind. What if he arrives too late and doesn’t have time to greet us? What if he does make his way over but only does one half of the crowd and then leaves? What if, what if, what if. I forced myself to stop thinking and just wait. I did. I waited.

From where I was standing I could see the main stage on the carpet in front of me to my left. (We were across the street. Think of it as them on one sidewalk and us on the other with two lanes in between us.) I kept looking over there standing on my toes as if that would help me get a better view. I saw all sorts of celebrities go up but not B.

I had my phone in my pocket because the last thing I wanted was my battery to die at the most inconvenient moment (which wouldn’t matter anyways). I remember looking down at my book admiring the autographs my nerdy self had already collected. I was trying to figure out a certain signature when my phone started buzzing. It vibrated once then twice, three times, a fourth and so on. It kept vibrating but it didn’t feel like a phone call. They were alerts. I took a quick peak at the screen as it lit up and I didn’t even have to open any of them. I already knew what it was about having read the first line, “HE’S THERE! AND WITH SOPHIE!” My heart went into tachycardia and my palms started sweating. I said a silent and genuine thank you to my friends for having my back and keeping me updated on twitter

There were other stars still coming near us to sign but I honestly do not remember who. I was busy keeping my eyes on Benedict. I didn’t want to lose sight of him until I did. Oh, no. Where had he gone?

The fun group of girls that stood behind me in line were about 5 people away next to my left. They were really tall and had a better view at the starting point. I heard one of them call out, “Alex! He’s here! He’s coming!” I wouldn’t shut up about my love for B and DS the whole time and everyone knew I was there for him. The man next to my left who was also taller than me (everyone is taller than me lol) also caught a glimpse of him and he nudged me to tell me that the Master of the Mystic Arts himself was getting closer to our side. 

Oh my literal god. I kept telling myself to relax but it didn’t do much. The tears that had formed earlier found a way out and they were now rolling down my cheeks. At least I wasn’t sobbing and I most certainly did not get hysterical. I started saying his name. “Benedict! Benedict... Benedict.” He was arriving to our side and I was finally able to see him now. He got to the man next to me and he spoke to him. Upon hearing that deep, smooth voice, I could’ve fainted there and then had I let myself. It is a dream like no other. Was I breathing? Thank God it’s an automatic mechanism because I would’ve forgotten how to do it. I’m surprised I didn’t drop the book I was holding out in front of me. 

Now, remember, I’m short. The lady behind me had a big poster wrapped around a piece of cardboard and she had placed that over my head and it hung in front of me covering me a bit. I was just about to shove it away from me when this angel came to my rescue. He pushed the poster aside to get a better look at me. The poster faded away and that’s when I saw him directly in front of me. I have never seen anyone so beautiful and so very handsome and gorgeous and stunning and brilliant and marvelous and all good things as he is before. This will sound cliché but oh well. It’s true. I did not know true beauty until he was standing right there inches in front of me. 

I forgot how to do anything but keep my eyes open and smile. These two pics were taken by the man next to me who was kind enough to share them with me afterwards. In the second pic, you can see he’s looking my way. Maybe he noticed that mean lady behind me? It was now my turn and I was beyond happy. Something clicked in my brain and it told me to speak up. “Benedict... Benedict. Patrick Melrose. You’re going to be amazing!” He was already signing my book but he paused as if in shock that someone mentioned PM. Still holding the sharpie in one hand and the book with the other, he looked up at me and smiled. Let me take a fangirl moment here and scream because aaaaaahhhh he looked right into my own two eyes! He was wearing glasses but the California sun was peering through the shades and this allowed me to see his golden lashes flicker up and down. Still looking at me, he said the sweetest most sincere, “Thank you.” I could tell it meant a lot to him because there he was, standing with a crowd that was chanting “Ben”, “Doctor Strange” and “Stephen” the whole time (which makes sense given that it was AIW) and this shorty (me) was saying a completely different name. It caught his attention and why wouldn’t it? It is his passion project. I have been wanting to tell him all the things I feel about this project since the day we found out he was cast as the leading man. Of course, I wouldn’t be able to in these few seconds of interaction with him. I said what I thought would be enough to convey what I felt for the most part. Having now seen BN, I can safely say I was right. He finished signing his last name and in that moment I realized I was grateful he has a long name because that just means he takes a little longer with the fans :P

He proceeded to sign the others next to me. Even the pushy lady behind me because he’s kind like that. Karon tapped him to ask him something and he turned around towards his right. Bless her. This gave me extra time to admire him. After, he continued signing for the men next to my right and I still kept looking at him. He was undeniably gorgeous in that chocolate velvet suit. The moment had finally made its way into my brain and I couldn’t help myself any longer. With a few tears running down my face I said, “I love you, Benedict.” What happened next is something I never expected to experience in my entire life and, therefore, it took me by surprise. He actually heard me and replied back, “Love you too, darling.” This is the moment my soul left my body. I died a little this day. I got an “ily” and a “darling”. I don’t need anything ever again to live. This is more than enough.

He finished the section, waved and blew a kiss to everyone, said thanks and walked away. That was it. He walked back onto the carpet and into the tent and he was gone. He may have left but the memory of what I have shared with you now has stayed with me since. I cherish it more than anything I own, more than  other amazing moments that have happened to me. Writing this weeks later, I have seen him two other times now but nothing compares to the first moment when you see someone who you love and admire with all your heart. I realize how fortunate I am to have this and I will never take it for granted.

[incorrectsmoshgames]

This needs to be said.

The following is a slightly edited version of a youtube comment I left on the most recent Winter Games video,  NETFLIX AND CHILL 80'S EDITION (Smosh Winter Games). I needed to get this off of my chest after seeing people ATTACK Boze for not knowing a movie, and attempting to be funny. I also felt like it needed to be said here as well, if only to spread the message further. 

I have to warn you, I get very heated, and there is a lot of swearing. 

I do use ‘you’ a lot in this, and would like to clarify that it is specifically directed at the toxic part of the youtube community. If you have not done anything hateful, this is definitely not directed at you at all, so please don’t feel bad, as you have done nothing wrong. But I would appreciate it if you take the time to read it anyways.

If you do read this, and help spread the word, thank you.

________________________

Alright, after looking through these goddamn comments, I need to vent. 

Why the fuck is this fandom so hateful? Like seriously, do you guys have no compassion? No respect for the people who spend their lives churning out this content for you ungrateful and hateful fucks? I am actually ASHAMED to be a part of this group about 90% of the time. I cant look in a fucking comment section on any video without being completely overwhelmed with negativity and cruelty. 

Every smosh games video: "This person sucks, please fire them" "Where is Ian and Anthony? The vids are shit without them" "Smosh games is so bad, they should just stop" 

 Every second channel video: "Smosh went to shit when the squad joined" "I miss the good days when it was Ian and Anthony" "This person is annoying and painfully unfunny, they shouldn't be here" 

Every smosh vid with the squad: "I miss when Ian and Anthony were here" "Why are these other people here? They arent smosh" "These skits arent funny, they should stop having these people" 

Every smosh vid with Ian and Anthony: "This reminds me of when they used to be good" "They should only make these videos and stop with the squad" "These guys are so much better than the squad" 

And now, every winter games video is just hate on Boze. 

 And you know what? I'm fucking sick and tired of it. 

I'm suprised Smosh didn't disable comments a long time ago. They contribute no actual feedback, no support. It's just a bunch of whiny, bitter shitheads screaming about Ian and Anthony and hating on the content that they have the PRIVALEGE to consume for absolutely free. Really, it feels like half the 'fans' only come to the videos to moan and bitch about how much they hate the 'new' smosh. If you hate these wonderful people, this free content that they put their blood sweat and tears into, the work that they love and enjoy and put forth to try to make you happy, THEN DONT FUCKING WATCH IT. 

 Don't you have anything else to do with your life than to scream about and shit on people who are trying their hardest to make you smile? Don't you have anything you would rather do than to tell these creators that their work is awful, or means nothing to you? What sort of enjoyment do you get from putting other people down? 

 And if you actually like watching content, think about it. Suppose they fired every person that people think are annoying. Who would be left? There are always people who have senses of humor that you dont relate to. GET OVER IT. 

Ian and Anthony, smosh games, and the squad make this content because they genuinely enjoy it. They cancel shows because they don't like making them anymore. They create new shows or bring on new people because they WANT TO, and like working on/with them. If they brought back all the shows you like that they cancelled, or stopped doing the shows you personally dislike, they would not enjoy their work. The content is good because they put their all into it, because they are having fun and want to share that with you. If they didn't like the content they produced, it would not be nearly as good, because they just don't really enjoy it. And what would you do then? You would complain. Just like everything else, you would complain about the content not being as good. 

You people are NEVER happy. And I am tired of it. I regret scrolling down on any video, because all I see is negativity and hatred. Why can't you take notes from Markiplier's fans? From Jacksepticeye's fans? Why can't you accept that people change, that content changes, and that it isn't the end of the fucking world if literally anything isn't exactly to your liking? You're a bunch of ungrateful bullies and brats. 

And yes, I know there are good people here. I've seen funny and supportive comments. The people they show in meetup vids seem wonderful. The small Tumblr community are some of the nicest people I've seen from this fanbase. But to be honest? The loud minority speak over the quiet majority. And when it comes to such a large community? The minority is still HUGE. 

 If even some of you decided to maybe not post that hate comment, not tell that one member to quit or even kill themselves (yes, I've seen comments like that and they disturb me), if you decided to be a somewhat pleasant person for maybe once on this website, that could make a difference. If you chose to lift someone up, instead of putting them down, you could chose to spread some happiness in this group of people. 

But you don't. 

You only spread hate. You whine and yell and complain, with no regard for the REAL PEOPLE behind the screen, with no respect for their work, with no thanks or gratefulness for the content you are allowed to view for free. And nothing. Ever. Changes. 

So, I have a challenge for anyone who has seen this comment or even read this far. DO SOMETHING. Say something nice, about someone in the comments or someone in the video. Talk about what you liked. Talk about who you like. Talk about something nice, positive, and maybe brighten someone's day. 

Because if you are like me, and this frustrates you and sickens you, you WANT things to change. You want to make this a safe, positive place where we can enjoy the videos and talk to each other. And the only way to do that is to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING.

And don't give me that, "Oh, it's the internet, trolls will be trolls! There's always gonna be haters!" No. Absolutely not. Being online does not give you the excuse to be a horrible human being. And saying that only validates the thought processes of the people who are leaving this hate. This is something that NEEDS to change. 

 So, if you even somewhat enjoy Smosh; if you saw this comment, and it didn't get completely swallowed by negativity; if you can take the time out of your day to be a nice person, DO SOMETHING KIND. Compliment someone. Make a nice joke. Comment about what you loved about this video, or literally ANYTHING good. Please. Let's try to turn this fandom into something good again. Love CAN beat hate. All we need are people who will try. 

Tl;dr: This fandom is toxic and hateful. Please do something nice. It CAN make a difference.

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on http://literaryends.com/hgblog/coco/

Coco

[5 stars]

This is every bit as good as you’ve heard. And, yes, the 3D is even worth it, though not necessary. The story is more than enough to stand on its own without it if you don’t want to spend the dollars for the format. 3D simply adds some richness to it all. Still, you must see this on a big screen, so don’t wait for disc.

I honestly was worried at the top of the film. Primarily this was due to the Frozen short, Olaf’s Frozen Adventure, that fronted the film, but more on that in a minute. The story, Coco, starts off so obvious and simple that I honestly didn’t give it the credit it deserved. I was sure I knew what I was in for and how it was all going to get there, so might as well lay back and and enjoy the art. What was provided, instead, was both provocative emotionally (as you’d expect) but also evocative in many ways, which you really only ever hope for and rarely get to see. Co-writers and co-directors, Lee Unkrich (Toy Story 3) and first-timer Adrian Molina, kept attacking the ideas with the rest of the writers until it was something more complex and interesting than, say, Book of Life managed even though they both tackle the same cultural tales.

The voice cast is solid, but it is dominated by three actors: Anthony Gonzalez (The Bridge), Gael García Bernal (Mozart in the Jungle), and Benjamin Bratt (Doctor Strange). Though special mention for Natalia Cordova-Buckley (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) as Frida Kahlo really need be made. It isn’t that the other voice work isn’t good, but they are all side-notes to these stand-outs. As a whole, the world comes together gloriously in vision and sound. But it isn’t just at the macro level. There are also a lot of subtle clues and tiny details that will make this worth seeing more than a few times.

I do wish it had a bit more Spanish throughout to really make it feel more natural, but there is at least some. And it would have been better with a few strong female characters to help drive the story; there are women, but this is a male dominated tale without question. But these ended up minor concerns compared to the overall success of the movie.

OK, back to Olaf’s intrusion into my viewing pleasure. Now I want to be clear that I loved Frozen. I will admit that Olaf wasn’t my favorite character, but my frustration with the short had less to do with that and more to do with the story. It was a flat-out Christmas tale, already jarring against the Día de Muertos story that was to follow, but also because it was only a Christmas tale. By the time it began explaining what all cultures do during “that time of year” as part of their Christmas tradition, my teeth were so on edge I wanted to scream.

To be clear, the religious observance of Hanukkah, as an example, existed millennia before the holiday traditions of Christmas. Literally. The Hanukkah lights are not lit because it is Christmas, which the story suggests in its plot and lyrics. And Hanukkah is only one of the observances subsumed into the tale. The short cartoon manages to avoid the worst of what it could have devolved into, but is still a miss-step for Disney in terms of inclusiveness and cultural sensitivity. Actually pretty surprising given then foray into new areas that Coco tries to map. It was also just a very bad match artistically for the main feature that followed, in my opinion.

That I still rated Coco so highly, despite the Frozen short, tells you how much power it had to get me over that hill of annoyance. Go see Coco and enjoy the magic, family, message, joy, and loss that is its world. There is something for all ages in its story and the production is a wonder to behold on the screen.