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#i miss my hobbies and my friends
sourtails · 10 months
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grief is such a weird emotion because I'll be going about my business and then suddenly I'm crying so hard I can't breathe
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leviraaaaaa · 11 months
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𝘔𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭
𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵e𝘭𝘭
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Levi let out a sigh of relief the moment your silhouette appeared through the shadows, tensed shoulders relaxing. He turned his head, all focus shifting instantly to you.
“You.” He exhaled, a hint of exasperation in his tone, indicating that the little time spent without your absence had not been very fun. “Where have you been?”
“Hi. Went to scout.” You answered, reaching the little campfire to stand beside Levi. All your friends sat circling it. Levi’s subtle, not very subtle eagerness at your arrival seemed to have triggered something, making the already guffawing crowd of people laugh even harder. Concluded with Levi’s sour face, it wasn’t very hard to guess what the subject of amusement must have been.
“Oh, are we bullying Levi again?” You beamed, nudging Levi’s leg with your foot, signaling him to give you space. “Scoot over. I want to join too.”
Levi shot a glare, but shifted to let you sit beside him. As another wave of laugher sparked through your friends, you plopped down on the grass, folding your legs. It was a chilly night, and everyone wanted to stay near the fire, therefore, the circle was so tightly formed around the fire, you could barely squeeze yourself between Levi and Nifa.
“Sit on my lap, why don’t you?” Levi grumbled, scowling and squirming a little at the close contact.
“What? It’s cold. And you’re warm.” You said as you sat down. “What are you so pissy for anyways?” You pressed yourself tighter, curling yourself up against him, uncaring of the poisonous gaze. You’ve learnt a long ago, half of Levi's words didn’t mean shit, that if he actually was uncomfortable, you wouldn’t even be here right now, he would’ve broken a bone or two. Levi’s personal space wasn’t something he let anyone come through, but you’ve been an exception for that for a long time.
And he was warm. A warmth that surprisingly only the cold, cold man was capable of.
And as always, the low protest died soon and he adjusted to let you lean against him.
“Hange.” He muttered, answering your previous question. “They’re trying to convince people to marry me.”
“Wonderful.” You grinned, “I volunteer.”
“I hate you.”
Cue for a very drunk Hange cracking up again, leading the others to join in. Even Erwin, ever regal and solemn, couldn’t seem to be able to hold the small smile from forming. With Hange’s contagious laughter and Levi’s scowl, it was impossible to.
“Oh why’d you let Hange drink again?” You laughed, watching them as Moblit struggled, trying to pry the bottle out of the section commander's grasp. “They're gonna be terrible to deal with tomorrow.”
“They insisted it was one sip.” Erwin said solemnly.
“Well, that sure seems like one sip.”
“But seriously though,” Nanaba piped in, shoulders still shaking with the waves of laughter. “Levi’s got all that spunk, but no bitches.”
“Stubborn shortie-” Hange's voice was cut of as they hiccupped
“Shut up. All of you. Please.” Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “
“Point stands. In your mid-thirties, Levi. How long are you going to wait?”
“Why,” He huffed. “Are you people so insistent on analyzing my personal life every damn time? Do you not have anything better to do?”
“Only well wishers.” She gave him a smug smile. “That’s what friends do, they care for each other.”
“No. You just want to give me shit.”
“Well, that too.” She shrugged.
“Iffff—if anything,” Hange stumbled in, rubbing their eyes. She glanced at you pointedly. “You could at least date her. That’d be nice.”
“So I keep telling him.” You feigned a disappointed sigh.
“Don’t fucking egg them on.” He hissed, face heating up at the suggestion. How could they even think it’d work out? He thinks, against the thoughts tugging. Ridiculous. They were ridiculous. You were just as ridiculous. So what does he do with this ridiculous fucking feelin–
“Oh but look,” Hange leaned forward, squinting to watch the two of you, their glasses reflecting off the fire and casting shadows on their face. “ Do mine eyes deceive me or is Ackerman over there blushing?”
“No.” The denial was quick. A little too quick.
“I confirm.” Nanaba smirked. Miche grunted.
“No.”
“Oh, Levi.” Erwin’s eyes glimmered amusement.
“I will hit you. Don’t even go there.”
The roar of laughter only grew louder.
And the night rolled on, the nonsense bickerings and banters continued. Friendly faces and friendly voices, joking and teasing and laughing without a care in the world. Bottles clinked, the firelight glinting on them. At one point, you and Hange started singing some stupid song you’ve heard in the fair, rocking back and forth with the music. And you weren’t certain, but you could swear there was a hint of melody even in the wind blowing by. And it was cold, but with Levi beside you, you were okay. But that was okay, it was okay. More than okay, really. The happiness was overwhelming.
.
“You know,” Hange called out suddenly. They had taken to fully sprawl out on the grass. They’d been quiet a while, and you had thought they must’ve passed out, but appears not.
Everyone turned to look at them.
“This is nice isn’t it?” They mumbled, blinking up to the sky. “I mean, sure, we might die tomorrow, but this is nice. I wouldn’t really mind dying.”
“You know, what would’ve been nice, Hange?” Nanaba said, watching Hange. And despite the words itself, she was smiling. “To not mention death.”
“I know but,” Hange sat up, grinning. “This is not too bad as a last night of your life right? I wouldn’t mind.”
And for a second, no one spoke. Perhaps, it was because all were drunk more or less but that hit harder in that moment. Unsaid words were spoken in silence, the wind carrying the oaths away. And even Levi’s eyes had softened.
Only Hange could say words like that with that face, you thought. You weren’t sad, not really. Because Hange was right. Being a scout meant learning to appreciate every breath you can take, and nights like this were as good as they’d come.
“Aww Hange.” You sighed, grinning back. “Cheesy much? You’re making Levi all squirmy.”
“No, I am not—” Levi’s protests were buried as the group jumped in yet again another session of Levi leg-pulling.
But despite it all, Levi thought.
Pissheads, all of them were. But nevertheless.
He watched you with the corner of his eyes, watching you as you laughed your head off to something Eld said, shoulders shaking, the firelight making your eyes glitter. And you were so close, so close, he could hardly breathe. And the urge to wrap an arm around you, to pull you closer. To feel you against him.Would that be so wrong of him? If he leaned close, would you pull away? But it’s okay, he thinks.
Hange was right.
It’s okay if he dies tomorrow. He wouldn’t really mind.
He didn’t really mind right now either.
He finds it strange that he didn’t really mind it. Any of it.
He didn’t mind Hange or Nanaba or any of them.
He didn’t mind your stupid little jokes, clearly made with the intention to piss him off. He didn’t really mind that you were so close. He didn’t mind that your head on his shoulder. He didn’t mind a lot of things that he thinks he would’ve minded if it was anyone else but you.
He doesn’t really know how it works. He doesn’t like thinking about the strange little feelings in his heart that tugged everytime you smiled, or the way his stomach tightened whenever you flirted with him so casually.
And maybe one day he’ll tell you. Maybe he won’t
Does it matter? Is it not enough to only have you alive and close?
He’s here now. With everyone and with you.
He’s home.
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cozylittleartblog · 2 months
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small PSA: if you shop at craft shows or artist alleys, please bring more than apple pay or a virtual card - especially if you're not comfortable entering your card number manually. not all of us have fancy card readers, so please also bring your physical card or cash, even if it's only as backup 👍
#psa#conventions#artist alley#not art#i've done two craft shows and two conventions with just my swipe reader. and cash ofc. but i did have to miss a couple sales at the cons#because people only had apple pay. no cash no physical card. It Sucks For Both Of Us!#when i say there are small businesses in the artist alley i mean some of us are Small#i don't speak just for myself but for other artists who have this trouble as well. some folks are just starting out and some folks#just do this for a hobby and can't afford or can't justify the bigger terminals yet or at all#if i get into ACEN again next year i'll opt for a terminal but they're Pricey and not something to start out with y'know#if you want to be an artist's best friend though? pay in cash.#not to mention if there's technical or wifi trouble - cash just works 100% of the time. no reader or wifi will stop you from using cash.#semi related but i had someone try to pay with apple pay at my last show and i said they'd have to enter their number manually then#and they said they'd go find their partner and see if they had card/cash. and then while they were walking away from their booth#their friend asked why and they said it wasn't safe. on one hand i can't be mad because its VERY good to practice card safety!#on the other hand. you're entering it into the same app that would process a swipe payment. it's exactly as safe as if you'd swiped it#i promise as long as you're entering the number into a square app your card info is safe lmao#anyway yeah a lot of us aren't Big Businesses. please just be courteous and bring some traditional payment methods Just In Case
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chryblossomjjk · 1 year
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just found out that jungkook interacts with people who aren’t me
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cowardlycowboys · 7 months
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mutuals who would join my craft circle so everyone can finally have hobbies
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crimsontroupe · 2 months
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sorry i haven't posted or rped much i've been having bad depressive episode. it will happen again. i am more than willing to send asks to ppl bc that takes less braincell than writing replies. sorry. all ive doing is writing rarely on xiv. and obsessing about french men again.
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sammytoesis · 3 months
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Yeah I’ve been feeling too dissatisfied with life lately. I need to create some shit. Not even that; I need to bang sticks together. Grind out experience for the things ive always wanted to become better at. Wanna have something to look forward to again,
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villainsrph · 1 month
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here's hoping I can come back soon...
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potato-arts · 2 months
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GOOD MORNING EVERYONE
WAKE UP!!!!!!! GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINES!!!
I'M A FREAKING LICENSED DOCTOR NOW WITH A STABLE JOB! WAHOO! WE MADE IT, BOYS! IT WAS A LONG AND STRESSFUL JOURNEY BUT WE MADE IT!
Participating in artfight under the username of 'unavoidable'! So expect some art to be posted soon! I've got tons of stuff that I've been drawing and doodling that I can't wait to share!
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musubiki · 2 years
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its been a long long long long time so heres just some old wips i had in my folder 🥲 hope everyone is doing well!
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dreamlanddoll · 3 months
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I wish men actually liked women... a lot of them say that they do but they don't realize that they're usually just talking about our bodies.. or how we can serve them.. I want men to look at women and say wow, they're so smart and have so many cool intrests and I love it when a girl is super talented or talks a lot about her passions I want men to want to learn from us and look at our souls instead all I ever see is how much they love our bodies. I don't actually hate men, I think lots of men are great, but I'm always hit with the painful reminder sooner or later that even though they SAY they like women, I know what they mean. They may not realize it, but from mine, and a lot of girls perspectives, it's obvious. And it hurts. It sucks.
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jinstronaut · 5 months
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content creation became [fart noises] when the simple act of enjoying bts became a competition lmao
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perilegs · 4 months
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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dreadfuldevotee · 6 months
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anyone got any tips for soul searching that doesnt require looking inside oneself
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saeshiraw · 1 year
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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hightowres · 8 months
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why do i feel like there’s some sort of veil between me and the rest of the world
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