#i might rename him once I get to seriously working on his story. but that might take a long long while

[cactusju1c3]

He may be my favourite character but I still couldn't find a single full-body digital drawing of him from the last year or so. Now he finally has one <3

Also one song from his 4 hour long playlist

[codythecheshirecat]

Binary Sunset Ch 1: The Prophecy

Story Summary: Obi-Wan finds himself decades in the future on the ship of a Mandalorian that seems like the last thing he wants is to be sidled with another lifeform. Or two, because suddenly they have a little...tiny... Yoda to deal with. Not actually Yoda, Obi-Wan knows, but still. It's weird, and stressful, and there's an entire Empire that's come and gone (going?). He just wants to rest. Figure out what exactly has happened and maybe, maybe find a way to stop it, if he ever gets back to his own time. Better that than wallow in misery and pain of a past he got plucked from, yet still feels the pain of.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30771671/chapters/75953153

    Obi-Wan rubs his face. Christophsis-- and the entire ordeal with Jabba the Hutt’s son-- has been incredibly tiring. And this is only the beginning. The only thing he has to look forward to now is more fighting, more war, and the exhaustion that comes with it. Jedi aren’t generals. They shouldn’t be in this position. But who else would be able to? The army was made for the Jedi. They’re fighting against Sith. There’s no other option, really. And so peacekeepers become the leading force in a war that barely seems to make sense.

    Cody left him a cup of tea a few hours ago. He glances at it, but it’s long gone cold. He supposes things could be worse; after all, Christophsis had been an approximate success, all things considered. While there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, that doesn’t mean one won’t come. Quickly, even. Stay positive. He sits back in his chair. His quarters are small, but he’s not particularly bothered by it. A Jedi doesn’t need worldly possessions. Even… even if they do enjoy them, sometimes.

    The world seems to flicker around him. Obi-Wan pauses, looking around. No, everything is just fine, just as it should be. But what..? He could’ve sworn something just happened. I need some sleep, he decides. I’m starting to see things. No need to have a repeat of the time Anakin decided to stay up for three days straight and forced me to do the same.

    The world flickers again. This time he’s ready for it; he sees gray metal walls and a space not much larger than his quarters. Then everything is right once again. A ship. I’m hallucinating a ship? He stands. Perhaps a bit too quickly, because the world twists in a spout of vertigo and he very suddenly collides with the floor, face first.

    He groans. His nose hurts, now. What the kriff?

    There’s a blaster pressed to the back of his head. That shouldn’t be there, not at all. None of his troopers would do that. Have I been poisoned? And someone has snuck onto the Negotiator to kill me? No, that doesn’t make sense. Why poison me and shoot me? Maybe they want to take me prisoner?

    “Who are you?” A voice growls, sounding just so slightly off from a vocoder. His attacker is wearing a helmet, then. Maybe this is some sort of a joke from the troopers..?

    Obi-Wan frowns. ���You’re in my quarters.” He mutters. You should know who I am.

    “...What?” The voice says.

    Obi-Wan lifts his head from the floor, ready to tell his attacker off (it’s unlikely they’ll shoot him now if they haven’t already, him being an annoyance be damned), only to freeze. This isn’t his quarters. This isn’t his quarters at all. It’s some sort of… cockpit? He really can’t see much from his position on the floor, unfortunately.

    “Ah, nevermind.” Obi-Wan says. “I’m afraid I have no idea where I am.”

    His attacker grunts. “Who are you?”

    “My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

    “And?”

    He raises an eyebrow, despite knowing his attacker can’t see it. “And what?”

    “How did you get on my ship?”

    “I have absolutely no idea. I was on my ship, and then I was here. I don’t even know where here is.”

    There’s a pause. “Turn over.”

    Obi-Wan does as told, rolling onto his back. He keeps his hands carefully out in the open. His attacker-- or apparent partner in crime, if they’re both equally confused with the situation-- is an armored Mandalorian. Obi-Wan studies the shiny silver helmet for a moment, and then moves to the rest of his armor. Rusty red paint covers most of the rest of it. He wears a tattered black cape. The Mandalorian continues to point the blaster in his face.

    “You really don’t know how you got here?”

    Obi-Wan shakes his head. “I was in my quarters, on my ship. The world seemed to flicker around me and I thought it might be from lack of sleep, so I stood to walk to my bed. I got dizzy and fell, and then you put a blaster to the back of my head.”

    The Mandalorian tilts his head. “One second I was alone, the next you were on the floor.”

    “It seems we’re both a bit confused about this.”

    “Yeah.” The Mandalorian says. After a moment, he lowers his blaster. “Where was your ship?”

    “Orbiting Coruscant.” Obi-Wan shifts. “Where are we now?”

    “Heading to Nevarro.”

    Nevarro. Hm. He can’t say he knows where that is. He says as much.

    “It’s in the Outer Rim. Coruscant is Core, right?”

    “Right.” Obi-Wan agrees. “Seems I’ve managed to travel from the core worlds to the outer worlds in… I’m really not sure how quickly, actually. Or how.”

    They lapse into silence. There really isn’t much else to say. Yet there’s very much to say. But how to say it? Where to begin? And Mandalorians haven’t worn armor like this in years, if he’s remembering correctly. Not mainstream Mandalorians, in any case. The New Mandalorians. Jango Fett had been an outlier himself. Perhaps when Satine… this Mandalorian may not have wanted to give up his armor. It would explain why he’s in the outer rim.

    “If you would bring me to Coruscant, I would be very happy to pay you for your efforts.” Obi-Wan smiles. “Ah, after you bring me there. I don’t believe I have any credits with me at the moment.”

    “Are you Imperial?”

    That’s- what? Imperial? He frowns. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

    “Are you Imperial?” The Mandal- Mando- repeats, more insistent. “Were you a follower of the Empire?”

    Something grows in the pit of his stomach. “What Empire?”

    “The Galactic Empire? The one that ruled the galaxy for almost three decades?”

    Oh, no. This doesn’t make any sense at all. “What, ah, year is it?”

    Mando’s helmet tilts. “Nine.”

    “Nine? Nine what?”

    “ABY, I think. Why do you want to know what year it is?”

    He presses his lips together. “I think… I’ve never heard of the ABY calendar, and if it’s used on Coruscant now... and there hasn’t been an Empire in a very long time.”

    “The Empire fell about five years ago.” Mando says flatly. “So yes, there has been an Empire lately.”

    “Well, then something is seriously wrong.” Obi-Wan says. He swallows thickly. “I suspect I may not be in the time I should be.”

    “Like… time travel?”

    “Like time travel.”

    Mando sighs. He steps back, collapsing into his pilot’s chair. “I have no reason to believe you.”

    “Well, I have no reason to believe you, either.” Obi-Wan sits up. He crosses his legs. “Except, of course, that I’ve somehow managed to appear on your ship with no discernible reason.”

    Mando grunts. “Right.”

    Something occurs to him. He has no frame of reference as to the date, when his time is in relation to the one he’s in now. If he’s in the past… or the future. He doesn’t know the ABY calendar, but it’s something that could easily be lost to time and renaming conventions. But Mando might be able to help with that. “How long ago did the Clone War occur?” If it’s occured at all.

    “A few decades.”

    “Ah, so right on time for the Empire, then.”

    “Yes.”

    I need to meditate on this. He sucks in a breath. “So, the Clone War occurs, the Empire takes over, a few decades later the Empire collapses, and a few years later here I am.”

    “Are you from the time of the Clone Wars?”

    “Right at the beginning. I think. Enough for me to have suspected it would be known for years to come, which seems to be the case. Well,” he rolls his shoulders. “At least if I manage to make it back to my time I’ll have an idea of what to stop in the future.”

    “I don’t think one man can take down an empire.”

    “I wouldn’t be alone. I’d have the entire Jedi Order to help.”

    Mando glances at him, tilting his head yet again. “Then why didn’t they stop it in the first place?”

    “I-” A feeling of cold dread washes over him. “I couldn’t say.”

    “Well, I’ve never heard of a Jedi Order--”

    “You haven’t? Not at all?” Obi-Wan asks. His chest is tight.

    “No.”

    “Oh, kriff. Oh, kriff.” He squeezes his eyes closed. “Every word out of your mouth only serves to make me feel worse.” Mando doesn’t say anything to that. Obi-Wan swallows. “Do you mind if I meditate here?”

    “Go ahead.”

    He should tell Mando his name. It’s only polite. “My name is Obi-Wan, by the way.”

***

    Obi-Wan meditates the rest of the way to Nevarro. He cracks an eye open to stare at Mando as they enter the atmosphere. “I suppose you have business here?”

    “You could say that.”

    “And I suppose you won’t want to be seen with me if you don’t have to?”

    “Not really.”

    Obi-Wan grimaces. He stretches. “Is Nevarro big enough that a newcomer won’t be noticed?”

    Mando pauses. He glances at Obi-Wan. “You should stay on the ship.”

    He quirks an eyebrow. “I would have imagined you’d want to be rid of me as soon as possible.”

    “I do. But I want to know why-- and how-- you’re here more. I’ll do my business in town, you stay on the ship and don’t touch anything, and when I’m done we can talk more.”

    “And if I want to stretch my legs?”

    That earns a glare. He can tell, despite the helmet, that Mando is glaring at him. “Then make sure you blend in.”

    ...Alright, he doesn’t actually want to piss Mando off more than he already, unwittingly, has. So he sighs. “I’ll stay on the ship. For now. Would you mind at least telling me the business you have here, or is it confidential?”

    Mando stands, taking a moment to stretch (as much as he can, wearing all that armor). He walks to the door of the cockpit. “Bounty hunting.”

    And then he’s gone. Obi-Wan hears him moving around on the lower levels of the ship, and then the door opens, closes, and he knows, for the moment, that Mando is gone. With a groan, he lays back, letting his hands flop and hit the floor maybe a little harder than what’s comfortable. He stares at the ceiling.

    I am not where I was. That’s the only truth he has. I am not on my ship like I am supposed to be, and I don’t know how I got on this one. He might have been drugged, kidnapped, and Mando is lulling him into a false sense of security. To be turned over to the Separatists and the droid army and Dooku. Make it seem like he time traveled to keep him confused. Don’t let him out of the ship or he’ll realize it’s all false.

    Or, he really has time traveled. Space traveled, too, without a ship or any other obvious means. One second he’s here, the next he’s there. Time travel is so… unlikely. Unheard of. Fanciful, strange, absurd. And yet it cannot be ignored. I am not where I was. I have traveled through space instantaneously. Why not add ‘traveled through time instantaneously’ as well? Is it really that much less absurd?

    He’d meditated on this all already, but it’s a topic that’s impossible to just let go of. He just… circles through the thoughts, theories, over and over again, to try to make sense of it. There’s no sense to be had. It must be the will of the Force, and the Force is rarely easy to understand. It’s still exhausting, though, and no amount of meditation will truly fix that, so for the time being, Obi-Wan allows himself to fall into a shallow sleep.

***

    He wakes to Mando standing above him, helmet tilted slightly to the side. Obi-Wan peers at him. “Yes?”

    “Get up.”

    Ah, so maybe I have been drugged and kidnapped. “Where are we going?” He asks as he does so.

    “There’s someone who wants to talk to you.”

    They leave the cockpit, go down a ladder, and Obi-Wan finds himself in the main part of the ship. It’s small, crowded with a lot in a little space. Mando shoves something into his arms. Obi-Wan looks at it. He looks back at Mando. “A coat?”

    “Make yourself look less posh. Take the robe off.”

    He does as told. He’s not entirely sure that just exchanging his Jedi robes for a beaten up coat will do much, but he won’t argue. It’s not like they have a lot of options, after all. Mando clearly doesn’t wear coats. He doesn’t think much of it as he leaves his robes in a pile on the floor and follows Mando out of the ship.

    They walk through the streets. They’re fairly busy, with people at various stalls along the streets buying this or that. Nobody pays any attention to them, except for a small glance here and there. Mando must be old news, enough that they won’t even pay attention to his companion. They turn down a side street, and then another, and Obi-Wan really doesn’t pay as much attention as he should because suddenly, they’re underground.

    In a dimly lit cave system.

    He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. His hand twitches to his belt, where his lightsaber is, except-- it isn’t there. Of course it isn’t there, because he’d set it on his desk, confident that if he needed it he could grab it easily from the desk and move on to whatever he needed it for. He doesn’t have his lightsaber. He doesn’t even know where to begin looking for it, or if it’s even worth it. Obi-Wan shoves down the discontent curling in his stomach. A Jedi’s lightsaber is their life, yes, but a Jedi is not useless without it. Only at a disadvantage.

    They turn a corner. There are more Mandalorians here, sitting along the walls in chairs and carved outcroppings. This must be their home, he realizes. Are they hiding? Nobody says anything as they pass, but he can feel their eyes boring into his skull. They don’t want him here. Why did Mando bring him? Because somebody wants to talk to me?

    Mando leads him into a room. It’s a forgery. Obi-Wan watches the flames of the forge for a moment, lost in the blue-white of them. A Mandalorian with a gold helmet sits at a small table.

    She tilts her head. “Sit.”

    Obi-Wan knows she’s talking to him, and he takes his place in the chair across from her. Mando stands behind him. Obi-Wan knows without looking that he practically towers over him. To anyone else, it would be intimidating. Obi-Wan isn’t particularly concerned.

    He nods his head respectfully. “I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure what this meeting is about.”

    “Our bounty hunter came to me and told me of you. I wish to speak about what may have brought you to his ship.”

    “I see.” It’s what he expected, really, and nothing more.

    “I am this covert’s Armorer, and it’s leader. You are a Jedi.”

    “My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.” He says, expecting something of a similar reaction to Mando’s.

    “He said.” He would almost call her voice amused. “I know that name, even if he doesn’t. And I know your face. You are either the true Obi-Wan Kenobi, or you are a very good fake.”

    A smile twitches across his face. “Oh, I’m the real Obi-Wan Kenobi, I assure you. Whether that’s good news to you, or bad news, I suppose I can’t say. I can say, though, that I really don’t know how I ended up on that ship.” He shrugs. “The will of the Force, I suppose.”

    The Armorer hums. “Indeed. You must have a lot of questions.”

    “I do. And I’m sure I have many more questions I don’t yet realize I want to ask. Is it… is it true there was an Empire?”

    “Yes.” The Armorer’s voice is heavy, if not in emotion then in the finality that she says it. “The Empire destroyed much in its reign of power. Your Jedi order being one of them. Alderaan. Mandalore. Many more planets, many more people. Even with the Empire gone now, the galaxy is still trying to find order.”

    He hates the way his chest constricts, how his throat feels raw. He swallows. It doesn’t do anything. “Are you the last remaining Mandalorians?”

    “There are others, scattered, as I expect there are other Jedi scattered and hiding. Not as many as there once was. Not living as we once did.” She looks at him, she’s been looking at him, but somehow, her gaze freezes him with its intensity, filtered as it is through her helmet.

    Gold, for vengeance. Red for honoring a parent. Or perhaps the colors of her armor have no meaning at all.

    “Mandalorians and Jedi were enemies, once. We fought great battles and adapted to the others’ weaknesses. But now is not the time for enemies. I am no Jedi, and I hold no esteem for the Jedi way of life. The Force is real, however, no matter the name it is called by, and I, too, believe that you were brought here by the will of the Force.” She leans forward almost imperceptibly. “You are here for a reason, Obi-Wan Kenobi. So you will stay with our bounty hunter and discover that reason.”

    He licks his lips. “I can certainly do that.” I have nowhere else to go.

    With that, he’s dismissed, and he follows Mando back out of the sewers and into the open air, turning over the conversation in his head. Mando must have known this was coming from his previous talk with the Armorer, or if he didn’t, then he knows she isn’t one to cross.

    When they step onto the ship and the door closes behind them, Obi-Wan turns to Mando. “So… where to next?”

    “Saleucami.”

    “Oh… lovely.”

[corpse-of-bandersnatch]

That's the whole interview with Jeff by Nicole Iskra, in which they also talked about him shaving of his chest hair. It was published in the Moviestar 05/2001 (the interview, not the chest hair).

I won't translate everything word for word, but if you wish a closer translation of a special topic/question, let me know and I try my best. (Also I apologize for the bad quality of the middle part of the scanned magazine).

PARALLAX – Madness from the Internet

„I was the Incarnation of their worst nightmare!“ - An interview with Jeffrey Combs

Before the interview starts, they introduce the latest movie Jeff was in back then, which is Parallax aka FearDotCom (almost the complete first column describes the Plot). Parts of it where shot in Luxembourg, which is also the Place where the interviewer meets Mr. Combs.

They meet in front of the Inter-Continental Hotel. Mr. Combs is PISSED, because the breakfast in the Hotel was awful (slimy fried egg) and the staff was rude (someone came in his room without knocking or apologizing, while he was sitting on his bed, only wearing a T-Shirt and Shorts).

They walk into the City of Luxembourg and Jeff's wondering about the many colourful life-sized cow sculptures, that you can find everywhere in town (quote: „Is this supposed to be art?!“).

He's searching for a souvenir for his wife, but in in his opinion, all of the dresses are outdated and their colours terrible. The interviewer teaches him the very important rule „Grün und Blau schmückt die Sau“.

They decide to eat in a Burger Restaurant called „Maybe not Bob's“, where he orders chicken wings with french fries and a coke (quote: „like a real American“).

Jeff speaks about the results of his genealogical research: Originally, his family came from Devon in England, but settled 1619 in Jamestown (Virginia) to work for Virginian Tobacco Co.

1. Question: The first question is about the renaming of FearDotCom to Parallax (reason being uncertainty about who owns the name). It follows more describing of the movie’s plot, this time from Mr. Combs himself.

His friend Bill Malone directed Parallax/FDC and offered Jeff the role, because they already worked together in Haunted Hill and Perversions of Science.

2. Question: You got along so well with Peter Jackson while filming The Frighteners. Will you at least get a Cameo in Lord of the Rings, even if it's only as Orc Nr. 260?

JC: That's the one Orc, that survived, right? (laughs). Nah seriously, I didn't get a role, unfortunately. I auditioned, , but the problem was the british accent. I can imitate it, but when you're surrounded by actors like Ian McKellen and Ian Holm, it's really not hard to tell who's a „real  Briton“ and who's not.

3. Question: Did your latest movie before Parallax/FDT – The Attic Expeditions –  had it's premiere in America yet?

JC: No, not yet. The world premiere was a couple of weeks ago here in Luxembourg and it was also shown on Festivals in Edinburgh and Amsterdam. Sadly, they didn't show it on the film festival in Brussel.

I'm really enthused by The attic Expeditions, because it's interesting, not linear, not logical, with few horror elements, but the horror is mostly psychological. It's like a dream in a nightmare on a trip. The longer you watch the movie, the less you know, what's real, it's a really complex movie, especially by american standards.

4. Question: In retrospect, would you call your role as Herbert West a curse?

JC: (sighs) Somehow, it's a curse and a blessing at the same time. Thanks to the role, I was branded as „Horror actor“ in Hollywood. After Deep Space Nine I was branded as „Horror- and Sci Fi- actor“. Movie people love to categorize you. On the other hand, the role of Herbert West opened up a lot of possibilities for me.

5. Question: 10 Years ago you told a funny story at a convention in New York, about sth. that happened while filming From Beyond. Could you maybe tell it again for the Moviestar readers?

JC: You mean the one with the children?

MS: Exactly!

JC: (grins) Well, we were already filming for a month – so I've been in this horrible make-up for 30 days already, with this awful head piece that looked like a red dog dick. I looked worse than Quasimodo! That's why I ate mostly in my dressing room. One day, they shot a commercial with a bunch of 4-year-old children in mushroom costumes on the same soundstage. We met in the hallway and as soon as those poor, innocent children saw me, all hell has broken loose. I was the incarnation of their worst nightmare, they screamed and ran to their mothers, who wanted to lynch me on the spot. So now it was me, who ran away.

But that's how it is, when you have a lot to do with make-up and masks and stuff like this. Not long ago, I was strapped to a cross made out of tubes, my throat was „cut“, there was blood all over me. And sometimes, when you're hanging there long enough, the crew just forgets that you're there, because for them, you just turned into a part of the set. Until you give a signal: „Umm sorry, guys, could you..maybe..“ - „Oh yeah sure, sorry Jeff, sorry..“

6. Question: (you might already know this one from this post): After that scene in From Beyond, in which you get eaten by this worm, your chest is as smooth as that of a baby – did they shave off your chest fur?

Jeff: Yes! (laughs)

MS: Did you do it yourself?

Jeff: Yes and I learnt something very important: Never use a normal razor blade, an electric razor is way better and safer and it doesn’t itch as badly, when the hair grows back. I had to shave my chest for a theater role once as well. I was 26 or so and played an 18-year-old.

7. Question: Do you still play in theatres regulary?

JC: No, not in the past couple of years, though theatre is very dear to my heart. Back in the days, I loved to play in theatres – living like a gypsy, 8 weeks in San Diego, and somewhere else afterwards. But that's not how I want to live today, now that I have a family. I don't like to leave my two little girls for several weeks, plus an engagement in a theatre isn't really helpful financially. I earn the same money in 1 week of shooting a movie as I do in 4-5 months of theatre work.

8. Question: I read that Woody Allen pays every actor 5.000 Dollar, because in his opinion, no one is worth 20 Million Dollar, neither beginner nor Superstar. What do you think about the explosive growth of fees nowadays?

JC: I do think that you should take the money, that the market offers you. But somebody, who earns 20 Millions per movie should share at least a million with their not so lucky co-actors.  No, seriously, it's not that easy to make a living. A friend of mine got a job, where he plays the brother of Kevin Costner. When I asked him, if he gets payed well, he shook his head and said, that he only gets tariff plus 10%. Tariff is the lowest wage possible, that was defined by union. My friend had the choice to either work with Costner or don't. And as an actor you always hope that a movie like this becomes a success and maybe improves your chances in Hollywood.

MS: Thank you for making so much time for us!

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

1998 Film Munkustrap Rewatch Part 3A: The Pekes and the Pollicles Needs Its Own Part

They will tell you that Munkustrap doesn’t get his own number and that is a lie. He might not get a song where everyone sings about how awesome he is, but The Pekes and the Pollicles is very much his number.

Now, this is the fourth one of these rewatches I’ve done, so I’ve covered the number a bit before, but this entry is a sort of special devoted to it. I’ll start out by saying that:

This is a Peke.

This is a Pollicle.

This, obviously, is a Pug.

And this is a Pom.

This is the epic story of a bunch of little toy dogs yapping at each other until a cat scares them away by doing absolutely nothing.

Before Munkustrap even finishes saying the long title of the story, we can already see that Skimble and Misto ended up on the wrong side of the stage and have to scramble to get to where they’re actually supposed to be. We haven’t finished saying the title and someone already messed up. This will set the mood for the entire number.

Of course, because it’s that early in the show, Munkustrap ignores the scrambling.

Then Electra crawls out early and falls over. At least, I think that’s Electra. The lighting and the fact that I have only a butt to go off of make it hard to tell. It might actually be Pouncival, because showing up early and falling over are the things he does the most. The fact that these two kittens look nothing alike should be ignored, because I can never identify anyone when I can’t see their face, unless they have a very distinct look.

There is no point to this picture. I just had to include the Tail Spin.

Enter Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, who weren’t at dog practice and have no idea what they’re supposed to do. Knowing this, Munkustrap guides them through it, pointing to whichever one of them is supposed to bark after a verse of lyrics that make it really obvious what they’re supposed to be doing.

But, Munkustrap failed to take into account that these two share a single braincell and Rumpleteazer has the larger half of it. Mungojerrie barks twice.

Munkustrap tries to help Mungojerrie do his one job, but it doesn’t go very well.

Munkustrap is already beginning to regret this.

Then there’s that racist “Heathen Chinese” line which almost distracts you from Rumpleteazer grinding her ass against Munkustrap. Why is she doing this? I don’t really know. I don’t think she does anything like this with Munkustrap after this scene.

Then, for a split second, Munkustrap stands with his legs together. Rumpleteazer won’t stand for this and creates a Leg Tent and this is still weirdly sexual.

And then it’s time for the Pollicles to march and someone thought it would be a good idea to put Pouncival at the front of the line. I think the shoebox on his head might be falling over his eyes, because he acts like he has no idea where he’s going.

Munkustrap attempts to stop the madness, but even if he doesn’t know where he’s going, Pouncival is determined to get there. But, while he flails around, he leans enough into Munkustrap’s hand that with Mungojerrie coming up right behind him, be won’t be able to keep standing.

Pouncival has to learn this the hard way.

Next are the two Scottish Pollicles. Like with most things, they seem to be taking this a bit too seriously and get too into it. Munkustrap nearly gets hit in the face by Skimble flailing his boxing gloves around. But, he’s not mad. He’s just disappointed. He kind of expected problems with Mungojerrie and Pouncival, but Skimble is one of the Responsible Elders. Misto just copies whatever Skimble does, which probably doesn’t help matters.

Then Tugger crashes the party with his bagpipes and Munkustrap responds with Maximum Eyeroll. Misto is not the only cat who can achieve that level of Eyeroll.

Now, since this is the Scottish Section, bagpipes are fitting, but this, much like Tugger himself, wasn’t in the rehearsals, leaving Misto unsure of how to react. Munkustrap politely suggests that Skimble should just go back to his place.

But, Tugger has started a bit of a dance party. Misto no longer finds him boring. It takes a minute to get everything back under control as everyone is determined to have fun whether Munkustrap likes it or not.

Well, then when everyone gets to bark at everyone control is lost once again. With everyone misbehaving at once, Munkustrap has no idea how to restore order and panics.

Of course, yelling usually does the trick.

Meanwhile, Old Deuteronomy is being a good dad and enjoying watching his son tell his little story.

The lead role of the Great Rumpus Cat is played by George, so that he’ll have something to actually do other than make silly faces. But, he also didn’t show up to dog practice, despite playing the lead. Munkustrap wonders why he expected anything else.

Munkustrap makes a mental note to have Alonzo play the Rumpus Cat next year. He always shows up to Munkustrap’s rehearsals.

And George is very rude. It’s not easy being George. He has the most boring name out of the entire cast, so boring that he may or may not have been renamed Admetus. He’s mostly known only for playing the Rumpus Cat and making weird faces. Still, that does not excuse his bad attitude >:(

Munkustrap is just Done™ at this point.

And, right before it’s finally over, Tugger brings out the bagpipes again. Because we’re not longer talking about Scotties, it’s just random this time and no one finds it funny. Munkustrap is beginning to wonder if cats can safely drink alcohol, because that’s what his humans do when they have to deal with this level of Bullshit.

And, to top it all off, Old Deuteronomy gets on to everyone for making fun of dogs. He worked so hard on this play, it was a disaster, and then his dad said he shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

The Macavity Scare might’ve been considered a welcome distraction by this point.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Sweet, Spice and Hot Water Is Always Nice

Summary- 7.6k Mike (renamed from Me-Playing It Cool) x You. Mike is struggling to get a story line down for his script, and you were sent home from work. You just LOVE when Aunt Flo comes to visit (insert sarcasm), and Mike has a suggestion to make you feel better. Warnings- Period Sex (it isnt overly graphic though) Male receiving Oral, Fingering, One mention of blood. Thigh Riding cause its a mood. That is about it. A mild argument. Oh swear or two, cause ya know me. And I know, another holiday fic with him, but Holidays are my favorite, and I just love these two. 

A/N- Fall themed Moodboard added to this was made by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​. Thank you so much, I loved it, and I hope you like the fluffiness it caused. 

“Okay Brian, you want this rom com to deliver.” Mike cracked his knuckles and let his fingers lower over the keys, starting to type out the main character's opening scene, picturing the actress Brian described as standing just behind him, sitting at your kitchen table your grandmother gave you, picking at plates of food. 

Ally, I could have told you it wasn't going to work out with

Rick two months ago. - Daisy sighs. 

Why? - Ally gives a clueless look at her sister across the table. 

You love meat, you hate cyclists. - Daisy says flippant. 

His hand came up to rub at his face, trying to think ahead as the two blondes faded away from the table, and he was sitting there pondering at the theme of the script he was supposed to be writing. Single woman worried about the amount of men she has been with, and was set on finding the ONE. The man who made all her dreams come true. Of course the man was supposed to be a playboy across the hall. 

“Fucking fantastic.” Mike groaned, finding the whole theme of the story kind of stupid. “What woman would worry about that?” 

Setting back to trying to type, he heard the door unlock, your footsteps snapping against the tile of the hallway floor leading into the kitchen. Pushing back his chair, he twisted it to face the kitchen with a confused look on his face. You tossed your purse and keys on the counter, and bracing a hand against the counter, you leaned down to yank off your heels to fall to the flat of your feet with a sigh. Using the side of your foot, you pushed them aside so no one would trip over them. “I know- I know… I'm home early Mike. I promise to be quiet.” 

Mike just shook his head to disregard what you had said. “I don't care that you’re home so early, I'm just trying to figure out why you're home early?” 

You stand there for a moment staring at him, then you give a sniffle that was so out of character, it worried him. Holding out his hands to you, he made a come motion. “Come on baby, now you're starting to scare me a bit.” Which entices you to make your way to him, and stand between his legs while his hands slide up and down the back of your thighs. “You left for work just a couple hours ago?” 

Your hands come to smooth over his head, sighing at how good the softness of his slightly grown out buzz cut felt, and you could see the worry lines depending between his eyebrows, always deeper on the left side, his eyes having lost their usual mirth and teasing when they looked at you. “I haven't felt good all morning, and the boss sent me home. The boss caught me puking in my trashcan and wouldnt take no for an answer.”

Mike let his fingers sink in lightly while pulling you into his lap, your hands sliding to lock around his neck. “Well why were you puking? This morning you seemed fine.” His brows furrowed as a worried thought niggled his mind, and blossomed into a full panicked look as it really settled in. “Wait, your not-?” his eyes widened in his panic, and you scoffed at him. 

“No so you don't have to worry Mike. Although it's great to see you panic if we should have been.” You snapped a bit although you knew you would have matched that panic as well, and he softened a bit, smoothing his hands along your lower back. 

“Sorry baby, you said puking and my mind went away with it.” Apologizing, he tilted his head a bit. “So, You going to put me out of my misery and tell me? Or do I have to keep making dumb ass assumptions?” 

You were still a bit irritated with his earlier remark, but were you really mad at Mike? Or were you just feeling like shit and everything was irritating you? You glanced back at his genuinely worried face, you softened to him for how worried he was. “I started to get cramps today, and they just ache badly today.” you sniffled a bit again, and Mike pulled you in closer for a hug, and you settled in against his chest. “And I feel terrible for coming into your space when you're working.” You said softly, and Mike shrugged, the movement making you pull back. 

“I could care less, you're not feeling good and this is home first, office second. Besides, I just started it. Not like I have any story yet to get down. Just an idea.” He turned his chair with you in his lap, and moved his finger over the keyboard to wake the laptop back up. You gave a slight chuckle seeing he literally had two whole lines.

“What have you been doing all morning?” You snicker a bit and he picks up Brians notes laying right next to them. 

“I have been trying to think of how to get this shit into something decent. Listen to this- Ally is a woman who has many ex-boyfriends who turned out to be losers. Now she believes that she can't find a good guy. But when she runs into one of her exes who is now a 'Prince Charming', she decides to look up all of her exes to see if any of them have changed for the better. When she has trouble locating them, she asks her neighbor Colin, who sleeps with a different woman every night and sneaks out the morning after to avoid talking to them, to help her.” He tossed it back down to the table. “Like anyone cares how many people someone slept with.”

You wrinkled your nose, and you knew you shouldn't say anything. Because you honestly had to agree with him, but that dark little voice in the back of your mind that seemed to always be there when you weren't feeling good poked at you. “Well some people, it does matter Mike.” You push to stand, and go around the counter to search out your midol from your purse. Grabbing the bag, you started to paw through the contents while Mike twisted his office chair to look at you. You could see this slight furrow in his brow as he went over what you had said. 

“Did it matter to you, when we talked about it ourselves Y/N? Cause you were pretty chill.” he asked, and you could see from the corner of your eye as you snatched your bottle that he was leaning forward in his chair, the curious look on his face was seriously wondering if you did or not. In that moment you just wanted to snap at him, he should know that you didn't nor ever would care who was a part of his past. Since it was just the past. 

“If I had cared, Mike, would I have asked you for your number on that first date? Of course I didn't give two shits about who you dated or fooled around with.” You retorted, shaking out a couple pills and popping them dry before screwing the cap back on and ditching the bottle back in your bag. Going to the fridge, you sought out water, which all were left were bottles half gone. Groaning, you dropped your head. “You haven't been to the store yet Mike?” you snapped as you shut the door, taking one of the bottles anyways. You weren't drinking tap water, that was for damn sure. 

“I was going to go this afternoon before you get home.” He brushed off your irritation in favor of your earlier comment, more keen to go back to the conversation you two were having before. “Did someone like say something about me before you even met up with me? Because we certainly didn't talk about our dating history for a while.” 

You leaned against the counter for a moment, rubbing at your face for a moment. “Why do you put everything off to the last minute Mike? You always do this, and then I’m left either having to nag you, beg you, and just end up doing it myself.” You grumbled, and ignored his question. “Can you go now please? So the water will be chilled by tonight.” you left him at his computer, going to crash on the couch and grab the remote. But Mike wasn't far behind, following you to the couch. 

“I will later, but I’m curious if someone said something to you? Like a warning?” He flopped down on the other end, his arm slinging along the back and looking at you intently. 

You flicked through stations and rolled your eyes. ‘Fuck Mike, it was so long ago, drop it. It doesn't matter who told me what before we even met. We're together, aren't we? I make my own decisions about someone.” 

“But someone did say something.” He pushed you once more, and you clench your hand around the remote hearing him keep on going. 

“Fucking hell Mike, you really wanna know. It's not exactly like you were dating anyone during that time. Mallory told me all about how you two would fool around and that maybe I needed un-fucking-winding. So she set us up. But you already knew that.” You toss the remote at him, and push off the couch. “Then I really liked you, so we made it work. But right this second, if you follow me to the bedroom, I will kick your ass out to the couch for the rest of the week.” you snapped, and left him there to brood, going into the bedroom with a sharp slam of the door. 

Mike winced when he heard the door slam, feeling bad now that he pushed for something that really didn't matter. That first hook up was two years ago, and you two had been together ever since. It just nagged at him in a way that he was shocked at, thinking that someone might have said “hey he's a player, be careful.” Maybe you were right, a small part of him might have cared? Not so much that he or you slept with a few people, but that anyone would actually care. 

Mike waited a few moments for things to cool down, he knew he shouldnt have pushed on such a stupid matter, cause it honestly didnt matter to him what anyone might have said. It was a stupid fight, and Mike wanted to make it up to you, apologize for upsetting you when you were already feeling so awful. Listening, he could hear you in the bedroom, opening drawers and snapping them shut then it went quiet. Pushing up from the couch, he approached the bedroom, and knocked on the door to ease it open. You were laying on the bed, a heating pad plugged in where your phone usually was. You had it resting on your stomach, and had your other arm slung over your face to block out the light. 

“I mean it Mike, you come in here looking to argue, I will scratch those blue eyes of yours out and leave you a blind man.” You threatened him, which he tried not to chuckle at, but a tiny one burst out while he went to stretch on the bed next to you, sliding his hands under your shirt to rub your back. 

“Im sorry Y/N, I was being kind of an ass.” He said, and you snorted a bit in agreement. Mike could feel the knots in your back loosen a little as you relaxed into his hand, and he pulled in closer to you. “Is it really bad this time?” he looked at the time, it had only been twenty minutes since you had taken your painkillers, still hadn't had a proper chance to kick in for you yet. 

You stretched a bit and pressed yourself back hard enough for him to know you wanted more pressure in his touch, which he did, digging in his fingers. You sighed a bit into your pillow. “It's messing me up this time Mike, not going to lie.” You twisted your head to glance over your shoulder, and your look softened a bit when you saw how concerned he did look. So you twisted to lay on your back and look up at him. “I'm sorry to Mike, I came in looking for a fight because of how I was feeling. Your script will be good, and people who do care probably have boring sex lives.” You joked a bit while lifting a hand to let the back of your fingers brush against the rasp of his beard. It made you tingle to feel it, and his hand slipped along your waist and over your belly where the heating pad didn't cover.  

“You know there are other ways to help you.” Mike started, looming over you slightly and you wrinkled your nose, knowing what he was talking about. It always made you feel a little guilty though, like it was something he had to do, not that he wanted to do. All in your head, you knew, but the thought still had manifested there after that time he ended up being late on a deadline cause of a weekend of him taking care of you. 

You shrugged a bit and shook your head. “You don't have to do anything, you should probably get back to your script. Brian’s going to want to see it in a few days.” You brushed it off, but Mike wasn't about to be deterred, because he knew how much better you felt afterwards, and he enjoyed making you feel good immensely. 

“I know I don't have to “do anything”, but how about I want to?” He pushed up off the bed, and reached down to grasp your hands and ease you up into a sitting position, making you groan and pull off the heating pad, being sure to click it off. Mike gave you what he hoped would be a promising grin to get you in the mood. “Fuck that script, I rather have some dirty sex… in the bed?” He questioned, and you gripped his hands tighter, pulling yourself up. 

“You're not going to leave me in peace to wither and die are you?” You scoffed as you side stepped him to grab a couple towels, and draped them over your arm. “Shower, mess be minimal, and the hot water will help my back.” Mike came up behind and ran his hands along your sides, while kissing on your neck, making you sigh a bit in appreciation. That rasp of beard followed by soft velvet lips always did something, even now your toes were curling up the more he did it. 

Getting in the bathroom, he reached and grabbed the towels from you, tossing them on the bathroom counter. “Absolutely not going to let you wither and die, you know how much work it would be to find another awesome girlfriend like you?” He cupped your face, dragging you into a kiss while you grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off when he pulled away, he mimicked you and pulled your top off over your head and discarding them wherever they happened to land. 

“Ooh I like being awesome. How awesome am I Mike?” You wiggled your brows at him, and reached behind you to unclasp your bra, which Mike eagerly drew off you when you got it unclasped and cupped your breasts, massage them lightly, thinking about what to say. Thumbs circled around your sensitive nipples and you took a slight inhale that Mike happened to hear, causing him to do it a little harder the next time around. “You're always so sensitive right now, I absolutely love it.” Mike admitted while massaging his palms into the globes, you ended up arching into his touch and dropped your hands to his pants to start working open his belt. 

“You didn't answer me, pain in the ass.” You tugged the belt open and popped open the button, sure to watch him as you pressed your hands under the boxer band and wrapped fingers around his cock. You felt him twitch in your hand, a hitch in his breath as his normally bright blue eyes darkened. “Am I distracting you a little too much?” 

He took a deep breath as you sunk to the floor, Mike's hand falling to the bathroom counter, his knuckles turning white while he gripped the counter at the anticipation. “Here I thought I was supposed to make you feel better?” Seeing you kneeling, giving him that sultry fuck look from under your lashes while darts of your tongue teased your lips. A tug on his jeans dragged them down further so you could pull his cock out, giving measured firm strokes and breaking eye contact to look at his erection instead, sliding a thumb around his head and dragging your thumb back to your lips to suck your fingertip.

“You are making me feel better. Well actually, hand me a towel?” you arched up to bring your face closer to him, your free hand held out while Mike handed you a towel in which you put under your knees to get comfy. “See you helped me.” Giving a teasing wink, you twist your head to give him a trailing lick of your tongue along the underside of his cock and spit to lube him in your hands. A kiss of your lips to the tip made him shudder com watching the sinfully sweet act, and then you spread your lips to lower your mouth on him and suck with a moan. Already he was cursing above you under his breath as he did his best to not look away. 

“Fuck baby” Mike grunted, and you widened your mouth to draw him in further, fluttering your tongue around him while rubbing your hands against the front of his thighs till you circled fingers around the base, pumping him where your mouth couldnt take him yet. You relished the taste and heaviness on your tongue, lips drawing him in further to leave a wet trail on his cock when you bobbed your head faster. Heavy breaths flared your nostrils while you hummed your satisfaction till he hit the back of your throat. His hips rocked to meet your bobbing head until you gagged around his girth. “Just a bit more baby.” Mike grunted as his hands went to cup your face, fingers digging in your cheeks. Mike's head tipped back, and your gaze rolled upwards to see his adam's apple bobbing up and down, the muscles in his torso tighten, and where your hands grasped his thighs to hold on while he face-fucked you, kept flexing. “Fuck… FUCK…” He pulled you off him, his hips stuttering to a stop and his cock weeped with desire to shoot his load. The thick white dribble looked too tempting to you. Your tongue tip curled out and you darted back in close to give a kitten lick to the tip, cleaning the drool and precum off and maybe just to tease him slightly, knowing how close he was. 

“God your a fucking little brat.” He hissed at your antics, stepping away and leaning down to grasp your upper arms, and bring you back up while kicking off his pants and boxers fast as he could, making you giggle at how strained he sounded. 

“Get out of those clothes.” He instructed as he reached in the shower to start the water and stumbled in. You were tugging your pants off, and getting ready as you heard him swear in the shower. “Fucking water.” You open the curtain to see him drenched already, trying to wiggle the knobs to the proper temperature. 

“Well why did you already get in Mike?” you ask, putting your hand in the water to make sure it wasn't too cold, when he reached out to wrap an arm around your waist and drag you in with him making you squeal as the water was still adjusting to temperature. Mike backed you up against the showers wall, his hands rubbing your hips while kissing your lips with a hunger that made your head spin, and your hands grasped the back of his neck and head to hold on. 

Pulling away from your mouth, and working his lips against your neck, you tilted your head back into the stream to feel the warmth wash over your sore body twitch a groan. The hot water had already started to fog up the small space. “I was hoping the cold water would cool me off, I want…” Lap of his tongue moved over your jawline. “... to be…” his hand swept down your stomach and cupped your mound between your clenched thighs to stroke your folds. “... inside you when I cum.”

You pulled away a bit to look at him, biting at your lip which caused his eyes to drop down too, wanting to pull at it because of the way you teased yourself . But your words brought him back to you. “It really doesn't bother you Mike? That I'm on my period?” That bit of self doubt starting to come back to the front of your mind, bringing along guilt that maybe he didn’t enjoy this like you did.

He gave a roll of his eyes and nipped at your lips, sliding his tongue over that bottom lip before pulling it from your teasing teeth, laying his own mark on you to cover your bite from before. “We’ve done this many times Baby. Only boys would care about such a thing, good thing I’m not a boy.” He surged to claim all your senses, his fingers spreading your folds to start touching you in a way that would drive you crazy. 

You kareened when you felt his fingers start to tease you, his hand planting on the wall as his upper body leaned in closer, eyes staring into yours while rubbing from your clit to your entrance, watching as your breathing picked up and your eyes turned into a needing glaze. “Ahh, just like that, huh baby. Fuck I love how sensitive you get during this time.” He wasn't wrong, everything felt amplified, his fingers felt thicker as he started to pump one into you, your core was hotter, your arousal seeping down your thigh to mix with the hot water. 

It wasn't long till your thighs were spreading further for him, and you rocked slightly to meet his fingers plunging back into you, his strokes making you clench tightly around him, as well as grasp his biceps to keep yourself from losing your balance. Mike loved watching your jaw drop as you were fluttering around his thick fingers, sobbing out when Mike twisted his palm slightly to grind the heel of his hand against your clit. “Mike! Oh too much.” you tried pushing him away while moving your hips faster, but he was too solid and was driven to have you come all on his palm. Mike nudged his nose against your jaw to tip your head back, licking the running water  streaming down your neck with a low timbre voice making his demands. “Come on baby, this is just the first one.” 

Just the first one. Fuck

You dug in your fingers while you rode out your orgasm that crashed over you, Mike slowing his pumps down so you could come down from your high, tilting his head to give you an open mouthed kiss. And he started again to bring you up, his fingers sliding in your sensitive pussy, his thumb sweeping around your clit slowly. “Mike,” you whined softly against his mouth, your forehead pressed against his. His fingers knew just where to touch you. He was able to go much deeper than your own fingers could ever reach. Mike thrummed you again, nudging his nose against yours to have you focus on him. “You're going to come for me once more Pretty Girl, I love how you flood my hand, riding my fingers with that greedy pussy of yours.” His tongue licked over your lips, and greedily you sucked on his tongue rocking harder to meet his fingers faster. Your second orgasm is coming fast, as sensitive as you were. “Ahhh good girl, I'm going to add another cause you're taking me so well.” Mike bit at your lip teasing as your eyes widened, a third finger stretched you, and he smirked, still holding your gaze. “Squeezing so tight baby, you should make yourself cum now Babe.” 

You started falling apart once more and Mike let his chest press against yours and your arms locked around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder as he feathered kisses up and down your neck. “Did I tell you yet I love you?” His erection pressed against your stomach, still hard and demanding as when your mouth had been wrapped around it and you rubbed yourself against it, purring in his ear. “Show me Mike.” Your toes curled as remains of your orgasm raced up your spine, any pain you had been in before was replaced with fluttering clenching muscles, and languid pleasure seeping in your system. 

Mike's hands fell to the back of your thighs, and he slipped your legs up to swing around his waist, and position yourself to take him. “I'm glad you finally accepted this suggestion.” Mike let go of your thighs once you were holding onto him, and he pressed his cock through your folds, feeling your wet heat welcoming to accept him. You nodded in a rush, blinking out the water pelting over you. 

“Yes, Fuck Mike you feel so good, its driving me insane.” You tried pressing yourself on him, and when he pressed in against your sensitive channel, clenching around him as he worked himself into your pussy. “Yes, oh yes.” stiffening against him when he thrusted to bury himself in, rutting against you to make you cry out as he started slow, letting you appreciate the hard drag through you. It wasn’t long though when Mike started to pound himself into you, and your bouncing breasts moved in his face. He freed a hand to massage them, almost on the verge of a blissed pain how his teeth sucked in the curve, and the lash of his tongue dragging over your pebbled flesh till he could pull on it. Stretch the nerves to quiver and mess with your rational thought, till all you could focus on his mouth, hot and wetter then even the steam of water pouring from above, the feeling of Mike's cock driving in harder and harder, sure that you felt him almost kiss your womb, fighting the urge to cum already. Your hands scrambled for purchase against his back, which clenched under your nails digging in, flexing and tightening with each pounding thrust trying to lay claim to your orgasm. 

“I can feel you, you want to, your body is trying to.” He moaned into your breasts his face was buried against, his scruff rough between your cleavage. You back bounced off the tile of the bathroom wall at these words, you wanted to deny him, keep feeling him driving back the pain, and keeping you on the edge of pleasure. But it was all so overwhelming, and you caved, cumming again to flood his cock with your arousal, clenching around him. “God your so fucking tight around me. Trying to get me to cum in you.” Mike grunted, and you just squeezed him more, wanting it, so badly to feel filled with him. 

“Course I want it, don't you dare pull out.” You cried, flexing around him again as his balls slapped against you and you tighten your legs around him to keep him with you. His grunts became more feral, his tongue marking your skin while he chased water droplets like a man dying of thirst, and you saw nothing but sparks filled your vision while he groaned into your ear that he too was close. You whined as you gave one last demanding squeeze, your own demand that he fill you, which he did. Happily shooting himself to fill you, spreading himself deeper and both of you ended blissed around each other

You lean into him, taking deep breaths against his shoulder while his arm slings around your waist. “Okay, I got you babes. We really do need to get a mat for this tub though. Almost slipped a few times.” You giggle into his neck before straightening, unlocking your legs from around his waist to lower to a stand, careful cause it was slippery. Reaching down, you flick the water back to the facet, and Mike cranks both the knobs off, the last of the water rushing down the drain. Pulling back the curtain, Mike stepped out, and grabbed the last towel on the counter and handed it to you, which after you two stepped out you started rubbing your body down to dry. 

He grasped the one you had used for your knees earlier, rubbing it over his head, and whisking across his body, but he was done quick and had yanked on his boxers. You immediately reached down and grabbed his tee from earlier, slipping it on and went to the counter to brush out your hair before it dried in a mess. Knowing you would come out when you were ready, Mike went and stretched out on the bed, leaning against the headboard and flicked on the tv, flipping channels until you came out all dressed for a day in bed. Moving around the bed, you tumbled into your side of the mattress. 

You curl up against Mike's side, and he hands the remote over so his arm can circle around your shoulders and let his fingertips brush along the soft part of your upper arm. “Feeling any better Babes?” He tilted his head to look down at you while you focused on the tv, and you hummed, tilting up to put a thank you on his lips. “Much, all relaxed and sated, thank you Handsome.” Mike couldn't deny that made his chest swell a bit, proud and pleased his girl was now feeling better. He dropped a kiss to the top of your head as you finally stopped at the beginning of Con Air. 

“Nicholas Cage?” Mike mused as he looked up, and you tugged the blankets over the two of you while you twisted, leaning your back against Mike's chest, and your head on his shoulder. 

“Damn straight Mike, Cage, Malkovich, and Buscemi? Doesn't get better.” your love of 90’s movies didn't bypass Mike, so he wasn't surprised. It didn't take long though till you had passed out, within the first 15 minutes of it, and Mike stayed for a while before it was apparent you were really passed out. He eased away, and shifted you enough so you were comfy against the pillows. Going to put his clothes back on, he looked in the shower and went under the sink looking for a quick spray to wipe down the shower with. Running a cloth over the wall, and using the shower head, he rinsed away any bloody traces that might have been left behind. Mike didn't want you happening across it, and having to deal with it yourself. Once he was satisfied, he took care of everything and flicked the lights off to go back in the room, seeing you still sound asleep and relaxed.

Mike went over to your side of the bed to grab the heating pad you discarded earlier and put it on low. Laying it against your lower back as you rolled to hug a pillow against your chest. Snapping the blankets up around you as he started to leave the room, he turned the tv down a few notches, and eased the door almost to a shut. 

Mike knew he probably should work on his script, you were right earlier that Brian would be wanting to see it soon, but he bypassed his computer. Grabbing his wallet and phone, he stuffed them in his back pocket. At the kitchen counter he scribbled a quick note, should you wake up. He didn't want to set your phone off and wake you up by sending a message to it. ~went to go pick up that water, message if you need anything baby. XO Mike.~ 

Leaving the apartment, when he hit the street his hands found their way into his pockets, and he whistled happily. Sure he might have gotten jack shit done for work so far, but he spent his morning loving on his girl, and if that isn't life goals, damned if Mike knew what would actually be better. Reaching the local shop the two of you used near the apartment. The door’s bell jingled when he pushed it open, the clerk lifting her head to see who was coming in and gave a grin seeing him. “Hey Mike, wondering if I was seeing you today.” 

Mike grabbed a hand basket, winking at the clerk. “Of course MissThompson, my day wouldn't be complete without you.” he flirted with the older woman, making her chuckle a bit as he went down the first aisle. He grabbed a few things you two typically needed, a loaf of that specialty bread for toast that you liked, a tin of bbq pringles he liked snacking on when watching a game, a bar of chocolate you swore up and down you required during this time, he was also sure to grab a couple gallons of water to bring home. Wandering back towards the counter, Miss Thompson cleared her newspaper off the counter for him to set his stuff down. 

“Did you see the fall stuff Mike? I think Y/N would really like them.” She pointed at a small display table nearby, which was covered with a few pumpkin trinkets, some homemade baked goods, and candles. Mike wandered over, and started picking through the items. “She would like them wouldn't she, and she's been having a rough day.” He mused outloud and Miss Thompson tutted in sympathy. Glancing over the stuff, he picked up a few different candle holders, a box of autumn tinted macaroons, and some pumpkin pastries that he knew would remind you of home. Bringing it up to the counter, Miss Thompson gave an approving smile and was quick to ring it up for Mike. “I think she’s gonna appreciate it all.” 

“She does love fall, always going on about home this time of year.” Mike stated as he took out his card and gave it a swipe, his stuff was bagged, and he juggled the bag in one arm and the water in the other. “Probably see you tomorrow.” 

“You know I will be here.” Miss Thompson offered as Mike worked the door open, and headed home. Once he arrived back at the apartment, he was quiet while slipping off his sneakers, and dropping off his arm loads at the kitchen counter where his note went untouched. Scooping it up and crumpling to shoot into the basket, he paused long enough to make sure he made it, giving a fist pump when it landed inside. Quietly he went down the hall, and pushed the door open a bit to see you were still sleeping. You looked soft in your sleep, relaxed and peaceful. You had rolled once more in your sleep, your arm holding the heating pad to your stomach. 

Leaving you in peace, he went back out to take care of what he purchased, sure to put one of the jugs of water in the fridge. Then he spread the ornaments around the coffee table, and set the desserts out on a tray, leaving them on the coffee table as well. Thinking about what else he could do to surprise you, he left the apartment once more to go down to the storage unit in the basement of the apartment complex, just knowing you had to have some of your treasured halloween decorations, stored away in a bright orange bin with a jack o'lantern drawn on the front. Once he saw the tote and pulled it down, he popped it open to double check, and sure enough you had it packed with lights, halloween trinkets, more candle holders, and foam pumpkins. Securing the lid, he brought it up to the apartment, and set it down. 

Unpopping the top, he started to pull out the lights, and untangle them. Looking around at just where to hang them, already he was picturing how you had it set up last year, and grinned to himself, knowing exactly how he wanted it to look for you. 

Several hours later, you stretched out with a yawn, turning to grab your phone and see it was later in the afternoon. Pushing up to a sit and rubbing at your eyes as you push off the bed, You headed to use the bathroom. Once finished, You came out several moments later, now sporting shorts and a warm sweater just looking for the coziness of the soft material. You pulled your hands into the sleeves, grasping the cuffs in your fingertips to play with the soft material while you left the bedroom. Before you even entered the kitchen, you could hear the clickity clack of Mike's keys on his laptop, and you smiled to yourself. From the rate the keys were clicking, he must have figured out a storyline. 

Stepping into the kitchen, you stalled as your eyes roamed over the orange and purple lit up apartment, Mike had hung up your halloween lights around the tv, and living room, along the counter and bookshelves were orange pumpkins glowing, one corner by the door was a scarecrow and your foam pumpkins, like it was the front porch you didn't have yet. On the TV was paused on a Harry Potter movie, and you took a step further into the room, hovering your hand over one of the candle light holders, enjoying the heat for a second before moving on. “Mike, this is… wow, I didn't think you really cared if I decorated or not.” 

Hearing you he spun his chair away from his laptop, holding his hand out and when you went to him, he tugged you into his lap, circling around your waist. “I wanted you to wake up to something I knew you loved. Plus you've been too busy at work to decorate.” He kissed your shoulder and rested his chin on it while you slid your fingers gently up and down the back of his neck. 

“You are right Mike, I do love it, Thank You.” you hummed lightly and wrapped your arms around his neck to give him a hug, pulling in close. “And all those new pumpkins? Where did they come from?” You slid off his lap and went to go look closer at the new additions, tweaking them just a bit to put them where you wanted them, biting your lip excitedly. Mike was sure to save his work, and closed the laptop. Following you into the living room, he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Miss Thompson insisted you would like them. Want me to throw a pizza in the oven and we crash on the couch to watch a few halloween movies?” 

You twisted in his arms, and grasped his face, tilting up to kiss his lips with a teasing nip. “Yes, please. Anything I can do to help?” you fall back to the flat of your feet, and Mike leads you into the kitchen. “Bring us a couple drinks out to the living room, and as soon as I get this in the oven, I will be out to join you.” You grab a couple beers from the fridge, and make your way while Mike is turning on the oven and flipping the box to read the directions to himself. Entering the living room once more, you set the beers on a couple coasters, and fall onto the couch. In front of you were all sorts of sweet treats. You leaned forward, grabbing a pie when your empty stomach started to rumble, your teeth sank into the delicate pastry as you leaned your head back, moaning softly at the flaked crust and sweet filling with the taste of pumpkin, nutmeg, cinnamon and allspice. The spices tickle your taste buds, and the sweetness soothed it away. 

Mike came around the back of the couch, seeing you slowly chewing and giving that satisfied moan, moving to fall down next to you, arching a brow. “That better than the shower?” he teased you, and your eyes sprang open, shaking your head. 

“This just tastes good.” You grinned as you leaned forward to set it down and moved to straddle his lap, dipping for kisses against his lips, where your tongue slid along the seam of his lips till you could work past them, rolling your tongue against his, and he was caught unaware at how you would taste. A mix of your usual sweetness and the desert danced on his tongue, and his hands moved to grasp the back of your hair, to hold you in place, effectively take your kiss as his own. “You taste and feel good.” you pulled enough away to say before he closed the slight space to claim you all over again, strokes of his tongue teasing you.

Your hips started grinding, shifting yourself enough to straddle just one of his thighs while your hands slid along his shoulders, and you started to arch a bit more, a bit faster, harder as you pushed down. Mike's hands fell to your hips, helping you along by guiding you up and down. He pushed forward a bit to draw himself in closer, pulling his mouth from yours and muttering. “That's it pretty girl, make yourself cum again.” you nodded slightly and he pulled you down on his flexing thigh, making you toss your head back when it made your clit throb and your breathing come out in a rush. “Again Sir…” 

“Sir?” Mike pulled back, his blue eyes twinkling at you while he watched you pick up speed, chasing your end. Your fingers curled, clutching at his shirt and digging into his shoulders. 

“It slipped out Mike, I'm so close now.” your voice high pitched whine. You needed that rush, so close that you could taste that pleasure almost. Your movements started stuttering as your own muscles ached and Mike was quick to take over, picking up the speed you had before and you started chanting. “Yes, yesyesyesyes, fuck please.” 

One of Mikes hands snaked up to grasp the back of your head, tilting your head back and he pressed his face against your neck, chaining kisses and nips while whispering. “Come on Pretty Girl, I need you to come now.” Behind you the oven started alarming and the sense of urgency overcame you, to just rock on his thigh, your knee brushing against his hard on in his pants, and you were cumming for him, whimpering as you rode it out and you went slack, Mike loosening his hard grips and rubbing your back as he slid you off his thigh. “I gotta go check that pizza.” 

You nodded as he pushed off the couch, grabbing at his crotch to try and give himself some room, making you hide your face on the couch and giggle. You heard the squeak of the oven door and a soft “Shit” from Mike as a clang of a pizza pan went on top of the stove. “Babe, it's a bit crispy, but not terrible.” You wriggled to pull yourself up to kneel on the couch, leaning against the back to watch him in the kitchen look for the pizza cutter in a drawer. 

“Not a big deal. Crispy pizza is worth that orgasm.” You couldn't hide the grin as Mike was quick to slice the pizza into slices, and slide a couple on each plate while grasping the paper towels to tuck under his arm. 

“You can start the movie, and fuck you were about to make me blow my load in my jeans watching you. And that ‘Sir’? We still have to discuss that.” He sauntered back into the living room, while you were searching for the remote on the coffee table. Sure to hit play, he waited till you were comfy, and set your plate on your lap. You grasp the first piece, working on taking the crust off and rip off a bite size piece. Your eyes went from the screen to Mike. 

“It just… happened in the moment Mike. Why, did you like it?” You popped your bite in your mouth, and Mike tilted his head, pondering it a moment. 

“You caught me by surprise, but I wouldn't mind hearing it again.” He stated, and you grinned, wiggling brows. 

“Just wait till the day I call you Daddy.” 

Mike groaned, tilting his head back against the couch with a groan. “Your gonna be the death of me Y/N.” 

You snorted while tucking up your legs, and smirking at him. “I can think of worst ways to go.” 

You cuddled up closer, laughing before you took another bite of your food, and Mike pulled you in closer, both of you turning your attention to the movie for the rest of the evening. 

[hopeaterart]

Mario Odyssey: Paper Kingdom AU

Or: The AU where I adapt Paper Mario characters into a kingdom in Mario Odyssey because while my brain is small, it has a big mind that keeps thinking up new ideas. This tackles the kingdom’s backstory, it’s travel brochure, why Mario ends up going there, and the frankly ridiculous political context he stumbles into. I might tackle the characters in another post.

Backstory

A long time ago, a creature made out of shadows and thin as paper rose out of an island. Calling itself- or herself- the Shadow Queen, the malevolent spirit could wield the power of seven stars, and her heart was pitch-black and full of chaotic hatred. She reigned over the land with an iron fist, terrified painted shadows at her command.

Until one day, a small faction of her own people turned against, led by four heroes and eight mages. They studied her magic, and turned it against her, folding themselves like paper get close to her and stealing her stars to destroy her body, the eight mages using their magic to separate her heart from her spirit

Enraged, her spirit lashed out, cursing the four heroes into suffering the same fate as her, reduced to spirits enclosed in coffins just as she unleashed the full power of her heart. But before she could turn her wrath on the other rebels, the eight mages sacrificed themselves, turning their souls into pure energy and setting it on the Shadow Queen’s heart, ripping it out and sending both the heart and the soul of the Shadow Queen into a deep sleep.

The only thing left was a prophecy- a warning. If a cruel monster and a gentle maiden marry each other in a farce, the Chaos Heart will rise again. If this happens, the Shadow Queen’s rise is imminent, and she will take over the body of the maiden. The only way to stop her is to find her Seven Stars, and use them to destroy her soul once and for all.

The throne of the Paper Kingdom is left symbolically empty, and the country is ruled by a council.

-

Travel Brochure

Population: Sparse, but plentiful

Size: Wide

Locals: Shapeshifters

Currency: Paper fortune teller shaped

Industries: Construction, stories

Temperature: Average  73 °F

A craft for the ages

Multi-level: The Paper Kingdom is made of multiple levels carved within the plateau, and all of them have something to offer. From the charming beach town of Rogueport to the looming Castle of Chaos, this place is vibrant and full of carefully crafted layers.

Rich History: The Paper Kingdom’s history is something for the ages: A demon rising out of the earth, her own people standing up against her, a battle ending in tragedy, and a prophecy! And they know it too! Their own history is so rich and captivating, they transformed telling people about it into a spectacle. If you’re ever in the need of someone to give a grandiose speech, a Paper Kingdom storyteller is what you need!

Origami Festival: If you visit the Paper Kingdom during their fall season, you might bear witness to the Origami Festival! While considered unorthodox and dangerous, Shapeshifters recognize origami as an incredibly powerful type of magic, allowing one to become anything their heart wish. As such, they have festivities centered around this concept that lasts a week, where they put up tons of different and incredible origami displays celebrating the concept.

-

How it fits in the game

For it’s location, it would be a decently sized island between the Luncheon Kingdom and Snow Kingdom, and would be the last place you go to before Bowser’s castle. From above, it would look rectangular, and most of it would be very elevated (think of a plateau, but in the middle of the ocean.) While it would seem small at first glance, the truth is that most of the earth is hollowed out, and there’s a lot of communities that live underground. You would be able to visit the two surface ones (Rogueport at the base of the plateau, and Castle of Chaos (Equivalent to Castle Bleck) on top of it) from the start, and at least one additional area under Castle of Chaos would unlock after the main story.

As for it’s place in the story, a wedding needs an officiant, and Bowser decided to get a storyteller from the Paper Kingdom because they’re known to give quite touching speeches. Bowser was originally planning to make his announcement of his marriage to Peach, take someone by force if he got denied, and leave the kingdom in disarray as punishment for denying him.

So you can imagine his surprise when not one, but two storytellers volunteered to be his officiant: Dimentio, royal jester and local agent of chaos who’s starting to find the current situation in the Paper Kingdom boring because it’s stagnating (albeit because they want to stop the hostilities temporarily for the upcoming Origami Festival), and the Beldam, eldest of the shadow Sirens and actively trying to resurrect the Shadow Queen. 

Let’s be clear, here: Neither of them are really interested in Bowser’s marriage, but both are after the power of the Chaos Heart, which has the potential to arise from this union: Dimentio to create even more chaos, and Beldam to harness it’s power and bring the Queen back to life. He picked the storyteller who had actual experience with being an officiant: Dimentio, who officiated multiple noble weddings- and left a fuming Beldam behind. In her rage, she decided to make the King of Koopas not choosing her as an evil marriage officiant everyone else’s problem and promptly started freezing everything in sight.

And that’s where Mario and Cappy come in, looking for Power Moons...

-

What’s going on?

A few weeks before Bowser shows up, the wedding of Blumiere, the son of an important count, and his human girlfriend Timpani (I don’t know from where she could be, probably New Donk CIty), was happening. However, in part due to a sinister prophecy that foretold the rebirth of the Chaos Heart if a furious monster lord (Blumiere is not human, and he has quite the unstable temperament) and a fair and lovely maiden (Timpani is a bit shy, cares for everything around her, and is nothing but kind) got married, and in part due to being a racist fuck, Blumiere’s father tried to stop the marriage by lethally attacking the bride.

Big mistake.

Blumiere ended up flying into a rage, messily killing his father with his bare hands and the assistance of a surge of magic, and destroyed the wedding venue. He then took Timpani, who was dying, to the origami craftsman, who earned himself a reputation of defying nature’s law by creating Olly and Olivia for an Origami festival, which was. Not planned. He then more or less forced him to heal his bride. 

The craftsman was absolutely able to say no: Olly brought to life multiple office supplies and all of them are ready to attack on sight, but he still went and healed up Timpani, albeit altering her physical appearance permanently due to having to heal her up using Origami Magic. Olly does not take his father being threatened into helping someone well, and barges into Castle of Chaos two weeks later and self-proclaim himself king with the assistance of the office supplies, which he dubs his Legion of Stationery, because of a perceived disrespect toward his family.

He is twelve.

Blumiere- who renamed himself Count Bleck following his father’s death- is understandably outraged, and denounces Olly with the support of his companions. Said companions are: his wife lady Timpani whom he (and most of the kingdom) adores, a small bat-like woman and his spokesperson Nastasia, the strong but dimwitted warrior and champion O’Chunks, the robotic but emotional Mimi who works in banking, and local shit-bastard jester Dimentio. This is due to Bleck being a direct descendant of one of the eight mages that sacrificed themselves, and he’s forced to make a claim to the throne to be taken seriously in trying to stop Olly.

He does not want to take the throne.

So now, there’s a twelve years old and a pissed off count who murdered his father in a blind rage fighting over the throne of the Paper Kingdom, neither of them know what they’re going to do next, and no one is happy about this situation. The instability allows a third party to make an appearance and grab for the throne: The X-Nauts, a race of robotic aliens led by the tyrannical Sir Grodus. Their goal? Resurrect the Shadow Queen and use her power to remake the Paper Kingdom, and eventually the planet, in their image.

The good news is that neither Olly nor Bleck want the X-Nauts to succeed. Bleck because he knows they’re planning on resurrecting the Shadow Queen and he does not want that to happen, and Olly because Grodus’ second in command was mean to Olivia once. This means that they are able to put their difference aside, which means there’s still hope an all-out civil war can be avoided.

Speaking of Olivia, poor girl think her brother went evil and wants to reign over the Paper Kingdom like a tyrant. This is understandable, as he’s a irritable twelve years boy with six killing machine at his command and also starting his emo edge lord phase, and she’s a literal ray of sunshine. As such, Olivia decided to find other people willing to stop Olly, Bleck and Grodus from burning the country to the ground in their squabble, not realizing that, as the leader of this group, she is also making .a claim for the throne.

She is also twelve.

And now, there’s Beldam losing her shit over being turned down and freezing everything into unmoving sheets on the walls. Ironically, this common enemy might just be what’s needed to calm everyone down.

[peekbackstage]

AU WWX & AU LWJ, what is your head cannon on their relationship dynamics. Who would have made the first move, who would have confessed and etc.

I’m guessing that this question is about my previous AU post about an alternate universe where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are idols! This post is probably going to be a little ridiculously embellished, because why not. 

In this universe, which is an AU version of our modern day world, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are the two biggest pop stars in China. While they fall in love while working on their series of critically acclaimed collaborations, they actually met many years before as trainees.

Upon meeting at a joint training camp held by Gusu Lan Entertainment, Lan Wangji decides that Wei Wuxian is quite possibly the most infuriating fool he has ever had the misfortune of meeting. After all, for a trainee from Yunmeng Jiang Entertainment, Wei Wuxian seems to lack all manners and decorum, loses the security badge required for entry into the Gusu Lan Arena, and to add insult to injury, seems determined to break every single rule Gusu Lan Entertainment expects their artists to follow. 

(Lan Wangji does not understand how Wei Wuxian is considered the most talented trainee Yunmeng Jiang has to offer. Clearly, there are better trainees. He does not have high hopes for the boy.) 

Wei Wuxian, on the other hand, finds Lan Wangji -- no, Lan Zhan, since that’s actually his real name, not his stage name -- to be an endless source of entertainment. He’s not entirely sure why Lan Zhan is determined to never have any fun in life. (He’s not even sure if Lan Zhan knows what “fun” is.) He’s even more determined to find out, though.

(Lan Wangji is not impressed. He is, however, extremely confused.) 

In any case, at some point during the training camp, Wei Wuxian decides that he will be Lan Zhan’s friend, regardless of whether or not Lan Zhan wants him as a friend. 

(Lan Zhan has never actually had a friend. It’s all very strange to him.)

This is not supposed to be a fic, so I’m not going to include too much more backstory exposition here. Mostly, I wanted to offer some history before we get to the main course!

So, now we are a few years in the future, and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have both debuted. They aren’t megastars yet, so Gusu Lan Entertainment and Yunmeng Jiang Entertainment decide it might be a good idea to have their two budding idols work on a collaboration together, kind of like the Kangta & Vanness collaboration from 2011. Or Jun Ho and Van Ness, from 2012. (In fact, Van Ness Wu’s collaborations seem like a pretty good business model to copy.) 

During this process, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji spend many late nights working closely together. Unlike other idols, they actually write their own music, and even play their own instruments. They’re exceptionally talented musicians, and they discover just how well they complement one another during this time. 

[Insert some cheesy line about how their souls speak to one another through music, because this is The Untamed AU.] 

(It’s around this same time that Wei Wuxian starts to notice how distractingly handsome Lan Zhan is. He really has no right being that handsome. It’s rude, really.) 

They end up writing and recording enough songs to release an EP together. It’s all very productive. 

(It’s during this time that Lan Wangji realizes that he can’t seem to stop looking at Wei Wuxian -- correction, Wei Ying. He curses his treacherous eyes, which keep finding their way back to the ridiculous curl of Wei Ying’s mouth.)

[Insert an absurd amount of unfulfilled sexual tension, largely caused by a certain Wei Wuxian growing increasingly, outrageously flirty, much to Lan Wangji’s complete dismay.]

At some point, Wei Wuxian kinda-sorta accidentally gets Lan Zhan drunk. He really didn’t mean to. It sort of just happened. He discovers that Lan Zhan is kind of hilarious when he’s drunk. So he makes it a habit of occasionally convincing (or tricking) Lan Zhan into have drink. 

On a particularly hot summer night, after an entire day spent rehearsing choreography for the music video they are supposed to shoot the next day, Wei Wuxian once again manages to get Lan Zhan drunk. He kind of accidentally may have gotten himself drunk in the process. And maybe sort of accidentally ends up in Lan Zhan’s lap. He really didn’t plan for that to happen. It sort of just does, along with all the relatively rated-M stuff that happens after that. 

Afterwards, he panics, not unlike his counterpart in MDZS, cuz apparently, this is apparently Untamed-AU-meets-MDZS-AU. 

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Zhan that this is just the sort of thing that guys sometimes do together, and not to take it too seriously, then immediately runs off, because of course he does.

It’s all very dramatic. 

[Insert even more dramatic internal monologue.] 

Fast forward to the next day. It is now the big day of their music video shoot. 

Wei Wuxian gets there early, and arrives alone. Lan Xichen, who has no real reason being on set but who I need to put on the set because plot, is quite surprised to see Wei Wuxian on the set without his brother, especially considering that in recent weeks, they pretty much had become inseparable.  

One thing leads to another - I really don’t know how - but Lan Xichen is the best wingman ever and ends up more or less telling Wei Wuxian what a dumbass he is for not really understanding Lan Wangji’s feelings, because come on. Literally every single person on both teams know that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have been making eyes at each other like no one’s business. 

And of course, once Lan Wangji arrives on set, Wei Wuxian does what Wei Wuxian does best and declares, in front of everyone on set, that he really, truly deeply is in love with Lan Wangji. Remember, we are in Untamed-AU-meets-MDZS-AU land now, and apparently I’ve decided that this is now a retelling of the story through idol land. 

In any case, Lan Wangji is overcome with emotion and there is a dramatic embrace. 

The director of the music video sees all of this and decides to rewrite the script, right there on the spot. He tells the lead actress who they were supposed to both be pining over that she no longer will be playing a love interest. 

The music video for their first collaboration song drops. The song itself is renamed WangXian. It’s filled with “socialist brotherhood” (aka censored gay love) scenes of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji together. 

Pandemonium ensues. The single breaks records upon release. Youku’s site actually crashes because so many people are trying to watch the music video. WangXian instantly becomes the #1 trending hot search. CP speculation explodes overnight. It only gets worse when the BTS footage is released. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Beijing, Wei Ying is sprawled on the couch, playing a video game on his phone, while Lan Zhan makes them dinner as Wei Wuxian’s cat rubs against Lan Zhan’s leg. It’s all very domestic. 

As for their relationship dynamics, I don’t think it would be all that different from the way they are in the show! They’re Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, after all. Where one goes, the other is sure to follow.

[vlovers19]

VMIN and SHIPPERS

Hey, was gonna post this as a question, but got a bit too long so I decided to put it in submit post instead. Would like your input on this though please.

So I was wondering why vmin isn't as popular as the other ships because lets be honest here, with no bias etc, out of all the bts ships, vmin has the highest possibility of actually being real. Then I realized. It's BECAUSE they have the highest possibility of being real.

People ship for many reasons, but what is common with shipping are shippers creating a narrative. They create this situation to make it seem that their pair is in a romantic/sexual relationship with one another. This gives them freedom to sexualize their faves in their fantasies. But with vmin you don’t really have freedom to create a narrative because v and jimin already did that for us. They’re soulmates and you have countless moments/songs/weverse/a shitload of stuff literally of them just professing their love for one another. This limits our imagination because it’s right in our faces and takes away the fun of shipping from others.

This can even go deeper into why jimin and v solo stans hate one another despite the two being so close. Because jimin and v together takes away fans freely being able to sexualize or imagine themselves with one of them. It’s like how fans hate certain celebrities significant other. Example: Adam Driver’s wife. People hate her cuz she acts as a reminder that Driver is taken and they can’t freely sexualize him or imagine being the one by his side without that constant reminder that it would never happen. Takes away the fun of it all.

Also, doesn't it kind of come across as a bit homophobic when people always dismiss them as just friends? "What a nice friendship", stuff like that after watching in your face romantic moments between the two. It kind of does for me but that's a topic for another day.

 So again, would like your input on this please.

___________________________________

Thank you so much for this. Honestly, I like what you've written. I like it very much. I don't really have that much to say since you have embodied almost everything I have in mind but I'll just add a little of my opinion as you wanted.

If we take a look at Vmin's relationship from the very beginning, we will notice that so much has changed. Taehyung and Jimin are arguably the most popular members in Bts along with Jungkook. There are hardly people who aren't familiar with their names especially if you are into K-pop. Yet, questions lingers. Why don't people ship them? Why do their supporters hate each other? Why does their fans look for every slight opportunity to discredit the other even when they know their biases are best friends and soulmates. There are two main reasons. Firstly, they believe that Jimin and Taehyung really hate each other. Secondly, as you said, it's because there's a possibility that there might be something going on between them other than friendship.

If we pay close attention to Vmin, we'll notice that they often seem to grow with each other. They have good days, they have bad days. Anyone who has been in a relationship or have fallen in love with someone will know it isn't easy. Love is difficult. Mantaining a relationship is even harder. It can bring so much pain and at the same time so much joy. There are times when things don't seem to go well because it can't all be sunshine and rainbows. Everyday can't be as sweet as honey. We can't be happy every single time. Sometimes, we even ask ourselves; why am I still with this person even though i have other options out there. Sometimes, you fight and then you settle. Overall, it isn't perfect. That's exactly how I see Vmin. They aren't perfect. Like most ship these days who always seem happy, smiling, laughing when we know in reality it's not really the way the world works when you have something going on especially for people who have known each other for such a long time. They tend to have the vibe of an old married couple because you have lived together, you know everything about each other. There's nothing you haven't seen from each other. Bad attitudes, good attitudes. There's nothing that special anymore. Things may start to get ordinary and you can start to take the other person for granted. Things start getting a bit difficult. One starts to get tired and get tempted to create other acquintances which is why friends is like a hidden message from the two of them. The song shows that vmin aren't perfect. They have experienced everything that comes with knowing each other for a long time. The ups and downs. It is these things that can make them a reality. But people see these happening and they get nervous and attribute the things they do with them being friends because It's safer this way.

Despite what we see on camera about BTS bond, they have both acknowledge that their relationship isn't perfect and they still have a lot to work on. Jimin pointed that out during his recent interview. It's also things like these that make them seem more real.

Let's also take the Christmas song Taehyung wanted to sing with Jimin but got rejected for. Even with it's romantic lyrics, even after recording it with a girl, he didn't release the song despite telling us he would. Why? Isn't that suspicious?. Again, something that adds to the possibility. Taehyung doesn't show his affections much especially in front of the cameras. We hardly see it but when ever he does, he does it off cam and it's always significant.

Also, Jimin hyping Taehyung's songs so much more than he does himself. Winter bear got so much love from Jimin that he renamed it baby bear to suit his own taste, even going ahead to talk about the song in two separate vlives. Then coupled with all what has been happening since last year, there's so much possibility though there's no real evidence that they are in a relationship except with tiny things like this which makes so much impact than any PDA they can ever do. People see all these but once again choose to ignore it and cover the whole thing with their friendship. Since vmin has a strong label backing them called 'Friends' they don't have a problem hiding under it and thus, can do quite a lot and not get much attention.

Taehyung can post weird things about Jimin on social media and no one cares. They can hold hands for no good reason, call each other soulmates and everyone says it's because they are such good friends. No one wants to take it seriously because as you said, it takes the fun out of everything. It makes things serious and no one really wants that because we all want to believe we have a chance with either of them. When it looks like it might not be the case, the hate and attacks goes out to both of them. When this happens, only shippers would love and understand but solo stans will hate each other because they are destroying their fantasy as you said. This mostly happens to ships who people low key discover has a possibility of being real. However, due to their friendship, it also makes things a lot easier for the both of them especially since they both come from such a conservative and homophobic country like South Korea. It's more safer if people see them as friends rather than lovers. So despite them being so popular individually their ship is rather small and it's going to continue to be small. People are always looking for reasons to disbelieve what they see. Their bond, their friendship, everything about them being together. The mixed reactions and the level of denial so many have exhibited since friends was released puzzles me. Vmin clearly said they are soulmates. Why are people still trying to deny it? Why are they still questioning it? Why are they trying to lessen the value of the whole thing? If it where the other ships, it would have been a sure guarantee that they are dating but with Vmin, it's a totally different story. Personally, I'm happy it's this way. It's much more convenient. They can do things others can't do without receiving so much attention. I guess that's all. I have said quite a lot because of this ask because it really hits deep. Thanks for this once again and have a great day.

[atamascolily]

Unicorn Chronicles, Book 3: “Dark Whispers,” by Bruce Coville

Whenever people grumble about how long it's been since their favorite fanfic updated, I can't help but smile a little in sympathy. As someone who's read a lot of CLAMP manga, I've grown used to the stutter-stop of hiatuses and discontinued stories that will never be finished. To quote the Princess Bride, "Get used to disappointment". It's just an occupational hazard.

I know people who only read completed stories, but I would have missed out on a lot of great material and works that really matter to me if I followed their example. It also meant that I got really good at imagining what happens next.

So it was a delight to discover that Bruce Coville had actually finished the Unicorn Chronicles when I was busy with other stuff (i.e., life) and there were two more volumes. Coville specifically thanks readers for nagging him about finishing, which is simultaneously #hilarious and #relatable.

Song of the Wanderer came out in 1999, right on the cusp of the Harry Potter boom that shook up the juvenile fantasy genre. (Both series are published by Scholastic.) Dark Whispers came out in 2008, and you can see how much the genre has shifted in the cover art alone:

This is gorgeous art by Petar Mesedlzija, but it only tangentially fits the descriptions in the books: Cara doesn't really wear anything like this outfit, and the story emphasizes she keeps braiding her hair to keep it from tangling. She has a sword, but she doesn’t really ever use it?

Furthermore, the layout, design, and chapter headings of Dark Whispers are clearly meant to capitalize on Harry Potter: Grimmwold has a looping signature reminiscent of Dumbeldore's in the opening prologue, for instance. It's a very different feel from the way the first two volumes were presented, and tbh, I miss the old way that has gone the way of the dinosaurs now.

Inevitably, with such a long gap between volumes, Dark Whispers ended up with a very different style and tone than its predecessors. The most obvious difference is that it's REALLY LONG--464 pages in hardcover. Some of this increase in length is attributable to Harry Potter proving that giant fantasy tomes can sell like hotcakes, and some of it is the fact that the storyline is now really big, with a lot of different players moving in different directions.

Inevitably, this means that instead of following Cara's POV for the entire book, as we did in the first two volumes, we are constantly shifting narrators. It's completely understandable, but as a reader, I find it really annoying--like I am suddenly reading an entirely different series with overlapping plot and characters. It's not that this new series is bad, per se, it's just... not what I imagined when I was making up the ending in my head in the early 2000s. I do not know if this disjunct would be so obvious or unsettling to someone who was reading all four volumes together for the first time.

Anyway, so since it's been literally a decade, Coville makes the sensible decision to open with a recap from Grimmwold, in his role as the keeper of the Unicorn Chronicles: unicorns and human hunters are at war; the latter are lead by an immortal woman named Beloved with a personal grudge against the unicorns, and she just got an amulet so she can invade Luster.

In Cara's plotline, she is still coming to terms with the fact that her grandmother, Ivy Morris, was a unicorn in disguise, and is now Queen Amalia Flickerfoot. Her grandfather Jaques is super depressed (because literary references, yo) and also because this is super-weird for him, too. As they prepare for Beloved's assault on Luster, Grimmwold reveals that pages from the Unicorn Chronicles are missing, and that others reveal an unsettling prophecy about unicorns confronting their own darkness and a mysterious figure called the Whisperer.

Another human, Alma Leonetti, comes forth and suggests that the centaurs might know more details. The Queen sends Cara and her friends to investigate, while Jaques and Thomas the Tinker go on separate missions. Thomas does give her a watch that marks the days and also explodes, so you know right away she's gonna need both on her trip. M'Gama the geomancer is trying to determine where and when the Hunters will invade: the date is the forthcoming Blood Moon, but she's still working out the details on the place.  

Grimmwold tells the group a story about Alma Leonetti, and how she tracked down the wizard Bellenmore, who opened the gate to Luster for the unicorns. Bellenmore has a snarky talking lizard and great tastes in decorating:

On the mantel above the fireplace stood a row of earthenware mugs with hideous faces. One of them winked at me; another leered and rolled its eyes; a third stuck out its tongue and made a rude noise. Then they began to sing a bawdy song until Bellenmore waved a hand to silence them.

Alma bluffs her way to Luster and eventually persuades the unicorns to keep one of their kind on Earth so humans don't forget true beauty and goodness and the spark is kept alive. The hunters keep trying to kill the Guardian, but they always replace the fallen with a new one and the cycle repeats.

We also learn that Ivy summoned Moonheart to heal Cara as a child, which is what alerted Beloved to her presence, forcing her to kidnap Cara and flee because Beloved wanted the child, too. Ian Hunter was a first grade teacher who had no idea about any of this until Cara disappeared and he was radicalized by Beloved and went through an intensive training camp she's built up for her army.

Meanwhile, Ian is in India, tracking down the Rainbow Prison where Beloved has imprisoned his wife. He makes a deal with a mysterious entity, the Blind Man, trading occasional use of his sight for the knowledge he needs. Beloved's men attack Ian, but he is saved by a street urchin named Rajiv who is eager for adventure, and the mysterious Fallon, who is trying to find a doorway to Luster. The three of them team up and head for the Himalayas to find the doorway to the Rainbow Prison while Beloved's forces pursue them. We learn that Fallon is super-hot and also seeking his best bro Elihu, in a relationship that I'm pretty sure was sexual although it's never stated directly.

There's also a plotline involving the delvers - the evil dwarves we mostly forgot about in Book 2. The King keeps talking to the Whisperer, and sending his subjects to do Evil Things as the alliance with Beloved continues. (The delvers do not love humans, but they hate unicorns and so the "enemy of my enemy is my friend" at least temporarily).

The plotlines converge when the delvers attack M'Gama the earthmancer's house and steal a macguffin and kill Flensa, M'Gama's servant. Cara's party splits up, with Finder and Belle hunting the macguffin while Cara and Lightfoot continue on. Finder is killed (sob) and Belle regrets being a jerk to him. Cara's group is attacked by delvers and she is captured and taken underground. (The delvers either don't know Beloved has an amulet already/don't care/want one for their own purposes.) Cara tosses the amulet into an abyss when it fails to transport her to earth, and she is imprisoned in the dungeons with a delver dissident who has had his name ritually stripped from him for defiance.

Cara renames the delver "Rocky" and the Squijum shows up with the amulet and steals the key. They meet up with Grimmwold, and escape. They also encounter the gryphon Medafil, who is lost below ground, only to wake a monster known as the schwartz, a Terminator-like blind dragon that never gives up pursuit. Cara defeats it using the expanding light sphere from Medafil's nest, and they emerge in the centaur's valley, where Belle is waiting for them with the news of Finder's death.

The centaurs are standoffish, but eventually Cara persuades their leader Chiron to spill the beans: after the war with Beloved began, the unicorns decided to expunge all the darkness from their souls with the aid of a magician named Elihu (hi!), which gained sentience and has been egging Beloved on ever since. It's also corrupted the delvers,which is why they hate unicorns so much. In exchange for the info, Cara agrees to mercy-kill Chiron, which none of the centaurs can do for personal reasons. Cara reports this story to the unicorns, who are all :shrug emoji: about it.  

Meanwhile Ian and company are stuck in the Rainbow Prison, the Dimblethum is being tormented by the Whisperer, and ends up taking the macguffin the delvers stole and placing it at the Axis Mundi, the world-tree of Luster, so that Beloved and her forces can enter there. Lightfoot tries to stop the Dimblethum but isn't in time. And the book ends on the seriously metal note of Beloved opening the portal beneath the blood moon and invading Luster with her army. *cue 'Bad Moon Rising'*

[Which, I may note, is pretty much where the LAST BOOK also ended.]

SO. That was a lot.

Once again, the core group of characters from Book One gets broken up. Thomas the Tinker gets sidetracked pretty quickly and isn't seen again; the Dimblethum gets a few brief sequences, but doesn't do much until the end. Lightfoot and Cara are separated fairly early on and don't have much time together, though their musings about their sudden familial connections at the beginning are nice, even though Cara also keeps shipping Belle with Lightfoot. Lightfoot himself doesn't get to do much, Finder dies, and Belle is likewise sidelined by the narrative for a decent chunk of the story. Coville also keeps emphasizing that Lightfoot is a Prince, which just grates on me, too.

I would also like to see more of Cara? She has plenty of scenes, but after two books of focusing solely on her, it's so strange to suddenly be jerked in different directions and it makes me grumpy.

It's great to see Medafil again, but I found the whole delvers/underground plot to drag on too long for my tastes. I'm glad Coville brings back that one delver from the first book who let Cara go because he thinks (rightly) his king is batshit crazy.

I like Alma Leonetti's story, but it feels unrelated to the plot, so I'm not entirely sure why it's there. I think it was originally a stand-alone short story, and I think it's better suited as one, because I can't figure out what its narrative purpose is. Or is it just that Grimmwold is contractually obligated to tell at least one story per book?? Or maybe this is something that will pay off in Book 4.

Ian Hunter's story basically bores me, and I found that whole subplot extremely tedious. He's been more or less retconned to be sympathetic and a victim, and I just don't know how I feel about that.

I HAVE SUCH MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THE BIG REVEAL. On the one hand, it's a great twist to see the psychological shadow as the literal villain; on the other hand, it takes away some of the delvers' and Beloved's agency as villains in their own right because they're now Pawns of a Bigger Bad. It also just seems like such a weird thing for the unicorns to do--and maybe that's a way of making them more alien, but I don't know.

Coville explicitly uses the word 'hubris,' so it also feels weirdly victim-blaming to me because the unicorns are doing it to themselves (and this isn't just a war, but genocide we're talking about here!). For better or worse, this twist muddies the black and white/good vs. evil paradigm into shades of gray: the unicorns are beautiful and good but also arrogant assholes; Beloved is homicidal but also in terrible pain; the delvers are misunderstood and need to be embraced rather than ignored.

Alma Leonetti consistently delivers the best lines - I guess she's taken over the role Ivy Morris used to play, since Ivy is now a unicorn:

"Perhaps the unicorns need to try to recover some of what they have lost?... You face a dedicated enemy who has shown no mercy, one who will stop at nothing to destroy you. And what have you done? Gathered together, which is good. Prepared to defend yourselves, which is good, too. But is it enough? How fiercely are you willing to fight to save your lives? How strong can unicorns be? ... Maybe you need to take in some of that darkness you once released."

I remember feeling oddly disappointed on my first reading, which unfortunately persists on re-read. This story has now moved in a very different direction from the one I expected, and while that's not necessarily bad, it is unsettling and strange. As I mentioned earlier, some of that might just be that the final result doesn't match the story I made up in my head; or it could just be the inevitable result of such a long gap between books and the changes in the fantasy market post-Harry Potter. I don't know.

(I wish I had written down my thoughts about an ending--aka fanfic--because while I could write one now, it’d be reacting to canon, rather than creating it.)

Either way, major kudos to Coville for writing this book, because I had assumed the series was dead and would never be completed, and he fucking did it. That’s such an inspiration, honestly.

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 41 of 83 : World of Sea

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SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 41 of 83

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2020

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users   of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information   remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical   compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

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Chapter 13a: Fauline

The Captain and officers of the Fauline were in a jubilant mood.  They might at last be free of the onerous grip of the Grandalor.  The hull-secured loan that had tied them to Captain Barad’s notorious ship might be fully erased by the Grandalor’s outlawry.

They gathered about the great table in the starboard mess and looked on as Captain Skua produced the parchments.  The Purser, Gard, began to look them over, his brows drawing down in concentration and consternation.  He slammed a fist down on the table.

“Captain! How could you have signed this?” he exploded.

“What do you mean?  It’s true that Barad has a bad reputation but he has always been understanding of our being late in our payments…”

“Late! We are over two Gatherings in arrears!  This is a hull secured loan. He could have taken our ship away from us any time in the past Gathering and a half!  We are seriously in default.”  Gard ran a thin bony hand through his gray hair while he collected his thoughts and tried to explain to his Captain just how deep the water was that they were about to sink into.

“Captain, the outlawry of the Grandalor is just about the worst thing that could have happened to us.  Barad let you explain about our storm damage, and allowed the payment to ride.  He let us go when we had to jettison nets because of those Ord that we caught.  When that fishing dispute went against us in the Council, Barad extended our note.  We owe the Grandalor more than 10,000 Skins in interest alone.  It can’t be paid.”

Skua looked puzzled.  “With them outlawed it will all go out the scupper … won’t it?”

Gard looked at his Captain in something close to pain.  “Don’t you read anything before you sign it?  There is a succession of ownership clause.”  His finger stabbed as if it were dagger of Wing Ray fang at the parchment.  “Here.  Read!”

Hesitantly, Skua picked up the parchment and began, “In the event that it becomes impossible for the Grandalor to collect on this loan through shipwreck or other disaster, the loan becomes the property of the Naral fleet…” he ran down, as it hit him.  He put his face into his hands.  “We’re ruined.  Fleet Law will require us to become current.  It can’t be done.  We will be Scattered and our ship renamed and given to a new crew.”

Gard considered Skua darkly for a moment.  He turned to the other officers who had gone from jubilant to downcast in these last few moments. “Does anyone have any ideas?”

The First Officer of the First Night Watch raised her hand, “We had a note from the Grandalor, last night, before she fled.  In all of the excitement, I forgot about it.  Here.”

She handed the now grubby and wrinkled note to her Captain.  Skua looked at her blackly and demanded, “What good is a note from the Grandalor now, Mora?”

“Perhaps, if you read it, we’ll know,” she shot back tartly.  “I didn’t break the seal.  It was addressed to you.”

Silently, Captain Skua broke the seal and read the note.  He snorted, “Useless! Barad wanted to meet with us.  This was from before the Grandalor was outlawed.”  He contemptuously tossed the note to the table.

Mora, picked it up and read aloud, “To Skua, Captain of the Fauline:  I must discuss the terms of your loan with you.  Circumstances dictate that I leave the Gathering early.  We will meet you in your Spring home-waters.  It will be to your advantage to come alone.   Barad, Capt’n.  Grandalor” She looked about the cabin.  “Does anybody else get the impression that he knew that he was in trouble when he penned this note?”

There was a rumble of agreement.  “Barad is going to need news of all that is happening in the fleet,” said Mora decisively.  “We should stay here until the search sweep gets back.  If they have caught the Grandalor, we are still in the same spot as now.  If the Grandalor gets away, we go to our Spring Waters and link up.  We may persuade Barad to erase all or part of our debit in return for information.”  She paused dramatically and spread her arms wide. “We may even be able to find a way to snare the Grandalor and her wealth for ourselves!”

That turned the meeting into a babble of conspirators.  Gard raised his hands for quiet and finally got it.  “The Grandalor is larger than we are in length, tonnage and crew.  She is faster than we are as well.”  This dose of reality cooled the ferment of wild ideas.  “It does not mean that we cannot take her but it does mean that we cannot do it by fighting.  We must use some subterfuge to get Barad and his wife away from his ship.  

“By all accounts, his crew are near enough to slaves that the heart will be gone from them if we get those two.  They may even go over to us, once they know that we have freed them!”

Heads nodded agreement and bent together, plotting how to take the notorious Captain Barad by stealth.

TO BE CONTINUED

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[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Chapter 47: The Shattered King

Becoming The Mask

From October 14th to June 22nd … I thank you all so very deeply for your patience and continued support for this story! It's been wonderful to see people still reading and enjoying it over all these months. I hope to get my next chapter up in a shorter time frame. Say, three months instead of nine?

I will probably never include a poem again unless I already have one written. I got pretty deep into my own head and psyched myself out of even starting this for months, because I wanted to include the poem itself in the narrative SO MUCH but also doubted my capacity to deliver it with the oomph it was supposed to have. 

And then, the longer it took for me to deliver, the more impressive I felt like I had to make it in order to compensate for the delay, which psyched me out of starting for even longer.

And at the same time I was chastising myself because (A) this is a "translation", which means I'm doing a free-form poem instead of being tied to rhyme or meter, and (B) "come on, me, people will skim and enjoy the poem to get the backstory being presented, but this is not an audience that comes here with intent to analyse and critique poetry, so just get it done."

Bold italics are trollish translated into English.

+=+

Glug was an easy troll to find. She spent a lot of time in Trollmarket's main pub, where she worked as a brewer of … glug.

Darci wasn't sure if the troll had named the drink after herself or if that was just a name that also happened to be a drink, like how a human might be named 'Sherry'.

At the Trollhunter's request to talk "somewhere a little quieter", Glug ushered the humans (and Changeling – it was still so weird to think of Jim as a Changeling) into the backroom, where she stirred a bathtub full of green liquid as Jim explained why they were there.

"We were hoping you could tell us about … the Shattered King."

Glug dropped her ladle, reaching her mossy arm into the bathtub to retrieve it. "A long story, you ask for. A great saga and a sacred one."

"We understand if it's something private to your people," said Jim. "We just … I just, need to do something, that would be a little safer if I had that information."

"We trade," said Glug easily. "I tell you of the God-King, and in return, you give me human song."

Jim thought it over – for about a second – and said, "Deal."

It was a more than generous offer. Even if each one of them had to give Glug a different one, there were thousands of 'human songs' to choose from.

Of course, Darci's mind immediately went blank when she tried to think what would be a good one …

Mary started tapping on her phone. "I've got the new Papa Skull album –"

"No." Glug must've understood cellphones a little better than most trolls, because she said, "No recordings. Performing is what gives the song its power."

There was a long, awkward pause.

"I've got this," said Toby. He patted his thighs, his stomach, shook his hips, and waved his arms in the air. "Boom. Boom. Shake the room. Say what?"

Jim covered his face with one hand. "Oh my god, seriously, Tobes?"

"Come on, Jimbo, you wanna seal this deal or not? Boom, boom, shake the room – say what?"

Jim rolled his eyes and sighed, but went along with Toby's weird, wiggly dance. The boys did a complicated clapping sequence in the middle of the routine that they must have done before, somewhere they didn't have an audience.

"Boom, boom, shake the room – say what?!"

Glug laughed and clapped her hands on her own stomach. "I like! Good song! We sit, here."

She arranged them into a circle on the floor beside the bathtub, sat down, crossed her legs, and clapped her hands twice sharply on her thighs.

"Generations ago,

In caverns that shone green and were soft with moss and rich with fish,

Two of the Wumpa Trolls made a birthstone with the brightest glow of any seen before or since.

When their whelp hatched,

Syddawn and Cheln believed they had a strong and healthy daughter,

And his parents named him."

Glug didn't actually say the name, which seemed … odd.

Was the saga going to list the Shattered King's genealogy? Lots of human stories of epic heroes had a prologue about the hero's parentage, too.

"Syddawn and Cheln presented their whelp to their family,

And their family adored him and welcomed him into their lives.

Syddawn and Cheln presented their whelp to their friends,

And their friends adored him and welcomed him into their lives."

Trolls used a few pronouns that didn't have one-to-one translations in English (or so Blinky said before learning about ey/em and xe/xir and suchlike), but Darci was pretty sure Glug kept using the one that translated as 'him'. Had Darci misunderstood the word 'daughter', then, a moment ago? Or was Glug reciting the saga in archaic vocabulary which translated differently than the trollish the humans had been learning?

"Syddawn and Cheln presented their whelp to King Alou,

Greatest wizard of the Wumpa Trolls,

And King Alou examined the whelp and said,

'This one will be greater than me one day',

And King Alou offered to take the whelp as a student and apprentice

When he was a youngling old enough to understand what he was taught.

When the whelp was fourteen,

Barely old enough to stand,

He worked his first great magic,

Reshaping his living stone to be seen as he was.

And –"

"Wait, what does that mean?" Jim interrupted. "He was a shapeshifter?"

Naturally a Changeling would pounce on that detail. All the humans leaned in as well. Glug glared at Jim for interrupting.

"And Syddawn and Cheln learned they had a strong and healthy son,

And his parents renamed him Quag."

Glug patted her knees twice and switched to English.

"Trolls not always what we seem at birth. We can re-carve our stone, with time and magic to regrow minerals in right directions, but to show himself all at once with no training … a sign of great power."

"He was transgender?" said Darci.

"… Your word for kwoon-grik?"

"… Maybe?"

"We will ask Blinky later," said Jim. "My apologies for interrupting you, Glug. Please, continue?"

Glug patted her knees twice and resumed the saga.

"Quag, son of Cheln, was apprenticed to King Alou in his fortieth year.

Quag, son of Cheln, learned well and surpassed his teacher in his two hundredth year.

Quag, son of Cheln, with the blessings of his parents and his king,

Left the caverns of his birth to seek new teachers and new magic in his two hundredth year,

Swearing an oath that he would always return to them."

Kwoon-grik. Darci pulled out her notebook and scribbled the word down, guessing at the spelling.

This was … reassuring, she supposed. It was unlikely the trolls would ever find out she was trans, but if they did she wouldn't have to explain the concept entirely from scratch.

Glug recited a fairly repetitive set of stanzas where the Shattered King – or, Quag, son of Cheln, as he was still called at this point in the saga – studied under different wizards in different troll tribes and outstripping his teachers in shorter and shorter spaces of time, and travelled to the next one. Sometimes he had to accomplish some task to convince the wizard to accept him as a student, or protect wherever he was staying from a monster or natural disaster.

"With his spell to reform his stone,

Quag, son of Cheln, became strong and dense,

And ventured to the Deep Caves of the Krubera Trolls to study from the wizard Johanna in his five hundredth year.

In this way, Quag, son of Cheln, became the first outsider to visit the Deep Caves,

Which are deeper than any troll but the Krubera can survive,

And even the Krubera cannot go deeper still.

Quag, son of Cheln, learned well and surpassed his teacher in his five hundred and seventy-fifth year.

Having visited every troll cavern and learned from all the greatest wizards,

Except for the wizards of the dreaded Ga-Huel Trolls –"

Jim twitched sharply, but didn't interrupt this time.

"Quag, son of Cheln, returned to the caverns of his birth as he swore that he would do.

Syddawn and Cheln welcomed their son home.

King Alou, still living, tested Quag's powers and named him Prince Quag,

Greatest wizard of the Wumpa Trolls.

But Prince Quag's thirst for knowledge was not quenched.

'Mother, Father, my king and first teacher,' he said,

'I have travelled to every village in our stratum.

I have travelled to the deepest caves of the Krubera.

I have been everywhere between.

Now I wish to explore what is above.'

Syddawn and Cheln became afraid when their son said this to them,

Because the Wumpa Caverns were among the highest of all caverns,

And they thought that above there could be only endless rock,

Unless one came through the other side and up from below,

Like how one can always go all the way around the world by travelling in one direction.

But Prince Quag knew the magic to make himself strong and dense,

So that the pressures of the Deep Caves could not harm him.

Prince Quag, with the blessings of his parents and his king,

Left the caverns of his birth to explore what is above in his five hundred and seventy-sixth year,

Swearing an oath that he would always return to them.

In this way, Prince Quag became the first troll to discover the Surface Lands."

"Whoa." Mary was the interrupter this time. Glug growled as she double-patted her knees. That was probably some kind of signal for pausing and resuming the story. "Sorry," said Mary, "just – the first? Ever? That's so cool."

"One of the first, anyway," said Jim. "I've read a little about this part. A few different trolls discovered there was a surface at around the same time, and there wasn't fast enough communication between tribes back then to determine exactly who was the first to reach it and come back. He was definitely the first of his tribe, though."

"True enough for stories," said Glug. She glared at each of her five listeners in turn and pointedly double-patted her knees again.

"Prince Quag found a land of soft stone that moved gently underfoot to leave marks,

And openness above that would not cave in for lack of support from this soft stone.

Prince Quag found a land of moss that was not moss and fungus that was not fungus,

And some fish that were not fish and other fish that were."

Dirt, and the sky, and plants and animals, as understood by a troll who had lived with solid rock underfoot and overhead all his life, and had never seen a leaf, or any animal besides cave fish and monsters.

"Prince Quag decided to make his home in this land of rich hunting,

And bring the rest of the Wumpa Trolls with him.

It is good that Prince Quag built a camp for himself to test his hunting grounds before inviting others,

Or he would have learned too late the danger of sunlight."

Glug's audience gasped. She did not scold them this time. The hairy green troll nodded and smiled, leaning in and lowering her voice.

"When sunlight touched his horn,

Prince Quag cried out and buried himself in the mud to soothe his burn.

He hid under the mud as the Surface Lands

Became brighter and hotter and louder,

And then quieter and cooler and darker again.

In the dark times Prince Quag hunted well and watched the openness above,

Thinking the light was from some great predator that hunted  him ,

Waiting and fearing when it would return,

And burrowing into the mud until it was gone."

Glug leaned back, stretched her arms overhead, and went back to her normal volume.

"When Prince Quag understood that the sunlight did not seek him,

But would burn him if he touched it all the same,

Like the gornubak mushroom does not release its spores for us

But the spore cloud will raise itchiness all the same,

He taught himself to track its timing

Like those who live near a gornubak track its fruiting season.

In this way, Prince Quag became the first troll to study the Surface Lands' cycle of night and day.

Then came a time when the day was meant to begin,

But the sunlight did not come,

And water fell from the openness above,

Which did not look so open anymore.

Prince Quag tried to mimic this with his magic,

And invented weather spells to make clouds and rain.

Prince Quag learned well and found a way to overcome sunlight in his five hundred and seventy-seventh year."

That part, Darci was willing to bet money, was artistic license. No way could trolls actually control the weather. If they could, Arcadia Oaks would be a lot cloudier.

"Sheltered under his spell of clouds,

Prince Quag left the swamp that he had made his camp

And explored more of the Surface Lands.

He discovered creatures who could speak

And who had their own wizards.

Prince Quag traded knowledge of magic with the human wizards for some time.

His favourite teachers and students

Were the human who could command the magic of shadow

And the human who could command the magic of sunlight."

Jim touched his amulet. Glug nodded, but didn't elaborate on the Shattered King apparently being friends with Merlin holy shit. Even knowing trolls and magic were real, Darci still wasn't used to the idea that Merlin had been an actual guy.

"In his six hundred and fiftieth year, Prince Quag returned to the caverns of his birth as he swore that he would do.

Syddawn and Cheln welcomed their son home.

King Alou, now dead, had been succeeded by King Erskrednu,

Second-greatest wizard of the Wumpa Trolls.

Prince Quag kneeled to King Erskrednu

And said, 'I do not challenge you for your crown.

King Alou chose his successor well.

You have been here to lead the Wumpa when I have not.

But I ask that you let me lead the Wumpa to a higher stratum,

To a cavern with greater hunting and openness above instead of stone.'

King Erskrednu said, 'How can there be no stone overhead in a cavern?'

Prince Quag said, 'If there is stone above this cavern,

It is too high to be seen even in the brightest glow,

And I have not found the side walls to climb to it.'

King Erskrednu said, 'Is there hunting enough to feed us all,

And a Heartstone that our tribe may grow?'

Prince Quag said, 'There is hunting for several times our current number,

But no Heartstone that I could sense.'

King Erskrednu said, 'I will not order anyone to follow you,

But I will not stop anyone from following you,

And I will give you a piece of our Heartstone to nurture.

You are my friend and we studied together as younglings,

And I know that your magic will help it grow and keep those who go with you safe.'

Prince Quag thanked King Erskrednu and began inviting Wumpas to the Surface Lands,

But when he warned them of the sunlight they all became afraid,

No matter how good the hunting was.

So Prince Quag swore that he would cast his spell of clouds every day

And some of the Wumpa agreed to follow him.

King Erskrednu gave Prince Quag a piece of Heartstone and a crown,

And Prince Quag became King Quag,

And the Wumpa Trolls were divided into Wumpa Trolls and Quagawump Trolls

But not truly divided, for they still were nurtured by the same Heartstone."

… Oh. Quag's Wumpas. Darci got the name now. Sort of.

"King Quag led the Quagawump Trolls to the Surface Lands,

And cast his spell of clouds over the swamp that would be their home.

The Quagawump Trolls planted their Heartstone and it became the heart of the swamp,

With crystals growing from the trees closest to it.

The Quagawump Trolls built shelters and cooking pits and instruments.

The Quagawump Trolls hunted the surface creatures and sang as they feasted.

In time, new birthstones were made and hatched

Into Quagawump Trolls who would only know life in the Surface Lands.

In time, other trolls learned of the Surface Lands as well.

One night the River Trolls came to the swamp of the Quagawump Trolls.

The leader of the River Trolls begged King Quag, 'Please let us take shelter here for a time!

We have been driven from our territory by the Ga-Huel Trolls,

And do not know when or if we can return.'

King Quag said, 'This is unusual,

For the Ga-Huel most often conquer trolls and demand tributes from them rather than driving them out.'

The leader of the River Trolls said, 'The Ga-Huel have been swarming the caverns closest to the surface,

For they have discovered they love the taste of surface animals,

And want the best places to launch their hunting parties.

We cannot get past them to flee to deeper caverns.'

King Quag said, 'They would do best to find territory on the surface itself!

But stay here until they see sense,

And in the meantime contribute your water magic to our hunting and defences.'

The leader of the River Trolls agreed.

One night the Garden Trolls came to the swamp of the Quagawump Trolls.

The leader of the Garden Trolls begged King Quag, 'Please let us take shelter here for a time!

We have been driven from our territory by the Ga-Huel Trolls,

And do not know when or if we can return.'

King Quag said, 'You are not the only ones displaced,

Even though the Ga-Huel more often conquer trolls and demand tributes from them rather than driving them out.'

The leader of the Garden Trolls said, 'The Ga-Huel have been swarming the caverns closest to the surface,

For they have discovered they love the taste of surface animals,

And want the best places to launch their hunting parties.

We cannot get past them to flee to deeper caverns.'

King Quag said, 'They would do best to find territory on the surface itself!

But stay here until they see sense,

And in the meantime contribute your plant magic to our hunting and defences.'

The leader of the Garden Trolls agreed.

One night the rest of the Wumpa Trolls came to the swamp of the Quagawump Trolls.

King Erskrednu said to King Quag, 'We must ask shelter of you.

We have been driven from our territory by the Ga-Huel Trolls,

And do not know when or if we can return.'

King Quag said, 'I have heard this story several times now.

It seems the Ga-Huel no longer conquer a tribe and demand tributes from them,

But rather drive them out.'

King Erskrednu said, 'The Ga-Huel are growing ever more vicious.

They are beginning to be called the Gumm-Gumms.'

King Quag said, 'Then stay here where you are safe,

And learn weather magic from me to contribute to our defences.'

King Erskrednu agreed,

But no wizard save King Quag was strong enough to summon more than one small cloud at a time.

The swamp gave good hunting

And could shelter and feed many more trolls than it held.

For a time, everyone was safe and happy.

Every five years the River Trolls and Garden Trolls and Wumpa Trolls would send out a scout

To see if it was safe to return to their home caverns.

Those who returned said that it was not.

Those who did not return were mourned as dead.

A returning scout from the tenth scouting mission was followed by one of the Gumm-Gumm Trolls.

The Gumm-Gumm watched for days and saw the clouds that shielded the swamp from daylight,

And reported to Orlagk the Oppressor that there was a place on the surface where the Gumm-Gumm Trolls could make a base camp.

The Gumm-Gumms' first attack was driven away with great plant and water magic

Which made the swamp impassable to anyone.

The Gumm-Gumms returned with sharper swords to cut the plants

And braced themselves with charms to not fear drowning.

The Gumm-Gumms' second attack was driven away with an illusion of the sunrise

So realistic that some of them turned to stone because they believed they would.

The Gumm-Gumms returned knowing this was only a trick.

The Gumm-Gumms' third attack was driven away with sigils painted at the borders of the swamp

Which made the swamp impassable to their kind.

The Gumm-Gumms returned with their own wizards,

Who can work magic on the minds of trolls,

And their youngest and most dreaded wizard, Gunmar,

Who could pull magic from its source and into himself."

Darci scribbled a note about that as well. She would ask Jim later if that was a real thing Gunmar could do or if it was something the Quagawumps has made of for the saga, to justify how he'd been able to kill their purported greatest wizard.

"The battle filled the night.

King Quag faced Gunmar at dawn.

The Gumm-Gumm wizard seized King Quag in both hands.

Gunmar's hunger for power was a deep chasm inside him and could not be filled.

Gunmar could not absorb King Quag's power fully,

Because his birth from a rotten Heartstone had left him too corrupt to absorb wisdom and compassion

As readily as he absorbed magic.

In a fit of envy at realizing he could never be as great a leader,

Gunmar crushed King Quag's skull in one hand and his body in the other,

And became known as Gunmar the Skullcrusher.

The swamp screamed and the clouds parted

And sunlight touched the swamp for the first time in centuries.

The Wumpa Trolls and River Trolls and Garden Trolls buried themselves in the mud,

And the Gumm-Gumms fled,

Because no wizard save King Quag was strong enough to summon more than one small cloud at a time,

And Gunmar the Skullcrusher had not absorbed knowledge of King Quag's spell.

The attacks ended that day

Because the swamp was useless to the Gumm-Gumms without the clouds.

The Garden Trolls and River Trolls blamed each other for not keeping their oaths to guard the swamp

And are feuding still.

The Quagawump Trolls rebuilt their shattered king that night

And found one stone of his body still living,

Full of the magic that Gunmar the Skullcrusher had been too corrupted to absorb.

King Erskrednu said, 'Only a god can return from the dead,

But every time King Quag left the Wumpa Trolls or Quagawump Trolls,

He swore an oath to return,

And he always kept his oath.

King Quag will come back to us and he will reclaim the magic he left behind in this stone,

And in the meantime his wisdom and compassion will guide our ruler.'

King Erskrednu attached the last living stone of King Quag to his crown.

King Quag will claim this crown when he returns."

Glug double-patted her knees again and beamed at her audience.

"Returns?" said Claire.

"He gave an oath to always return to his home and family. He will come back." Her smile changed to a scowl. "The Pretend-King, Blango, wears this crown now. When the God-King returns, he will fight and defeat Blango and take his power back."

"Who's Blango?" asked Toby.

"Not part of this saga. He came to our swamps and took over. He said, 'the Shattered King is gone! I am king now!' Blango is large and strong and a good hunter, so some follow him sincerely. Others wait. Or leave." Predicting the obvious question, Glug continued, "I left before Blango came. I visited Trollmarket for trading, and loved it so much I stayed."

Jim's armour creaked sometimes when he fidgeted. Other times it didn't make nearly as much noise as metal ought to. It creaked now.

"Do you think the Quagawumps, on the whole, would be willing to let me borrow the – the last living stone of King Quag?" he asked. "According to another legend, the Trollhunter needs it in order to kill Gunmar. Which would avenge the Shattered King. And I'd give it back," he added earnestly.

Glug rocked back and forth as she considered the question.

"Maybe. Blango could want to get rid of the God-King's memory, by hiding stone with you. Or Blango could want to keep stone, to remind everyone he is king now. Those who still follow the God-King will want him avenged, but will want last piece of his magic to stay in our swamps. Toby should ask."

"Wait, what? Why me?"

Glug got up and dug out a small panel of metal that looked like it had started life as a baking sheet, with an etching of a troll on it.

"You look like him."

"He does?"

"I do?"

"You do."

It wasn't a perfect match, but Darci could see what Glug meant. Toby looked like the Shattered King in the way Jim still looked basically like himself when he transformed.

(Not Enrique didn't look much like Enrique, other than the blonde cowlick, but maybe that was a convergence thing that happened for Changelings over time? She didn't write down that question – Jim and Blinky had both said carrying pictures and written information about Changelings in Trollmarket could be dangerous.)

"… This isn't going to become an 'Anastasia' thing where I have to fake-prove I'm him for them to hear me out, will it?"

"Maybe you fight Blango." Glug shrugged.

"You're not fighting Blango," said Jim. "You'd be asking for the stone on my behalf, so if it comes down to a fight, I can swap in and fight Blango on your behalf. But hopefully he's open to negotiating."

+=+

Previous Chapter (Barbara and Jim have a dinner party with Blinky and AAARRRGGHH and Draal)

Table of Contents

Next Chapter (Checking in with some original Changeling characters)

Ideas I considered for the poem but didn't end up expanding on because it had already taken so freaking long to get written:

Various adventures and misadventures from Quag's childhood, showing times and ways he used his magic before he got formal training, and giving a better idea of his and his parents' personalities and interactions, maybe exploring his extended family.

The details of Quag's apprenticeships – the names and tribes of his teachers, the kinds of spells he learned from each of them, monsters he fought, injuries and illnesses he healed (showing his adeptness at manipulating living stone).

More of Quag's adventures on the surface, namely how he met Merlin and Morgana and some other human magic-users and the adventures that they got up to together.

A subtle verse about stuff Morgana got up to which would, when her notes come up later in the story, reveal that her studies with Quag were influential in the development of Changelings.

Various trolls coming to Quag in the swamp to learn magic from him, possibly including a young Angor Rot.

Dramatic details about the battles with the Gumm-Gumms in the swamps, because it feels like trollish poetry would go into a lot of detail about battles.

A bit at the end where Merlin comes to the swamp to visit Quag, and Erskrednu tells Merlin about Quag getting killed by Gunmar, resulting in the implication that the Quagawumps believe Merlin created the Trollhunter Amulet to avenge Quag and keep other trolls from dying at Gunmar's hand, and that Merlin's studies with Quag are part of what let him create magic that would work on trolls despite being a 'human wizard' – unfortunately then it would be harder to believe the Quagawumps wouldn't just give the Killstone to the first Trollhunter who asked for it, or even approach the Trollhunter to volunteer it.

I reserve the right to say that Glug actually told the kids an 'abridged version' of the full saga if I want to expand on any of these details later, and also to take whatever I want from Wizards once that comes out and work it into Quag's backstory too.

In the original Trollhunters novel, 'Johanna' is ARRRGH!!!'s first name. I go with the idea of it being his mother's name in the show (although I also like the 'AAARRRGGHH is trans' headcanon), and on top of that I've decided Johanna is a popular Krubera name.

In the Tales of Arcadia spin-off novels and comics, the River Trolls and Garden Trolls come up a few times and are mentioned as having a long-standing feud. No one knows how it started, so I'm saying this is what the Quagawumps believe started it, regardless of whether it's true.

In the Tales of Arcadia spin-off novel The Book Of Ga-Huel, the book was not in fact written by a scholar named Ga-Huel or commissioned by someone of that name – it was written by the Dishonorable Bodus under orders of Orlagk the Oppressor, the Gumm-Gumm warlord that Gunmar later supplanted. I didn't care for most of that novel and so don't use it as canon, except for one detail: to explain the title, I've decided 'Ga-Huel' is what the Gumm-Gumms were officially named, before everyone started calling them Gumm-Gumms and they adopted that name out of pride.

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

From Dusk Until Dawn

Monsta X

Hyungwon/Reader [F]

Genre: God/Goddess AU, Drabble-ish, Romance

Words: 2.2k

a/n: Holy hell it’s been FOREVER since I wrote anything not BTS related LOL.  Honestly, this is entirely Hyungwon's face’s fault that made this fic happen, so blame him.  How dare he be attractive with a backlight in the Follow MV.  The. Nerve. Anyways! Please enjoy my once in a blue moon Monsta X fic and lemme know what you thought of it!!! 

“Under no circumstances should the sun meet the moon. They are too different.” 

That’s what Hyungwon- the current Sun God- had been told his entire life.  It was a long-standing rule that was drilled into his head since youth.  However, if there is one thing Hyungwon did well, it’s not doing as he’s told. 

Gods and Goddesses of all gather once a year to pay new respect to one another under one roof.  Good relations with each other were exceedingly important- the wrong dispute could be disastrous to the mundane world the divine watched over. 

Every year the Moon and Sun never met- as per the law.  However, a new Goddess had been appointed within the last year when the former God became stardust.  Hyungwon dressed in his soft, golden best with determination stronger than gravity. He’d be the first Sun God to disobey the ancient laws. The change was always inevitable, it just took the right God to push it into being.  He didn’t understand why he couldn’t meet her- the new Goddess- anyways.  It is not like the Earth would stop rotating or the cosmos would tear open.  Surely nothing devastating would occur.  

Far back, even before the ancient’s rules, he had read in exceedingly old archived diaries that the Sun and Moon once ruled in unison before.  Standing at each other’s back.  Nothing ever told when or why the ancients separated the two, but Hyungwon didn’t particularly care.  He’d break the rules and that would be it. 

The worst that could possibly happen is he would be turned into a sunbeam, marking the end of another God of the Sun. Each God or Goddess before him who had died had also become a sunbeam, their spirit devoted to the very sun they rose and lowered day by day.  Just like how the Moon will always become stardust, scattered into the galaxy. 

The gathering of Gods was going to be held at the new cathedral of the God of Mischief and Pride.  An arrogant, snooty God of relatively new origin that Hyungwon tolerated at best.  He even went so far as to rename himself. Apparently the God of Mischief and Pride, Hollus just wasn’t as cool as the God named Changkyun. He was an interesting God- for lack of better terms. 

The older Gods trusted he would mature with time, but Hyungwon seriously doubted it.  The only mature thing about him was his voice. 

“Hyungwon,” called a fellow god behind him.  He could see their reflection in the mirror Hyungwon fixed his hair in, flicking at his bangs as they hung in dark tresses over his brow.  A Cloud God who worked closely beside Hyungwon. Constantly surrounded by a fog-like haze at his legs.  His real name wasn’t known, or rather, none knew of his true Godly name.  He hid it behind his too-innocent smile.  Minhyuk is what the preferred to be called.  “If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it in time for formal greetings.” 

Minhyuk was a God of calm nature, but playful and powerful when angry.  Pure silver hair that had a tendency to tinge gray when his mood dropped and skin far more smooth and fair that seemed possible.  Standing with poise and always decorated in some sort of blue hue.  Currently, he was dressed in a tailcoat of blue as royal as his divine title. Of course, his trait of lacking being he never wore shoes- he found them too stifling. 

“I’m coming.  Do not rush me.” 

“If I don’t, we will be late.” 

“Then go on ahead without me if you’re only going to whine.” 

Minhyuk crossed his arms.  “No. Then you’ll just skip like last year.” 

“I will not,” Hyungwon rolled his eyes.  “I have a reason to go this year, as opposed to last.” 

“Oh? What’s that then?” 

“It doesn’t include you, so stop snooping in my business.” 

Minhyuk gasped in mock offense. Far too use to Hyungwon’s, ironically, cold shoulder.  Hyungwon adjusted and straightened out the shoulders of his white poet’s blouse, fixing the ruffling at his chest before fiddling with his cuffs. He kicked and tapped the toes of his ankle-high gold boots that were tucked into the legs of his black pants. He was antsy as he turned to leave the mirror, the cloud of mist following Minhyuk’s body as he trailed at the Sun’s back. 

“Eugh,” Minhyuk gagged.  “Mischief and Pride sure has some tacky sense of design and style.”  Looking around, the cathedral pillars were looped in snake-like coils.  If pride and mischief had to pick an animal to embody himself it would be a snake, wouldn’t it?

“It matches his personality at least,” Hyungwon remarked with an amused huff.  The two waltzed into the cathedral’s main sanctuary filled with Gods and Goddesses roaming to and fro.  Formal greetings between them all was a pain as the Sun frowned at the future confrontation. MInhyuk saw the distaste on the Sun’s face and smiled- as the Cloud was quite the people person. 

Hyungwon scanned around, not exactly disappointed in not seeing anyone that may resemble the moon.  He’d never seen them before, so why would he now?  Something told him that if he saw the new Goddess, he would know it.  Minhyuk watched his fellow God scan around. 

“What’re you looking for, Gas Ball?” A voice behind the two of them spoke.  Minhyuk let out a small scream as Hyungwon whipped around and held at his chest.  Seeing none other than Pride and Mischief himself. Standing with his ankles crossed in black pants and a tucked-in orange velvet blouse, the golden chain across his neck and teasing his chest with his partially unbuttoned shirt, he bit into an apple. The fang pierced through his earlobe was absolutely due to his theme of reptiles. 

“Who are you calling Gas Ball, you Egg?” 

“Egg? Is that suppose to be an unborn reptile joke because I like snakes? Because if so- it was a weak game.” He spoke with a piece of apple shoved into his cheek and an accusing finger pointed at him with a brow turned in disappointment.  “I expected a bigger talk game from such a large ball of figurative energy. Foggy over here is more of a conversationalist.” 

“Don’t patronize me,” Minhyuk warned with a threat-dripping smile.  One Changkyun spitefully returned.  

“Now, gentleman,” Changkyun soothed as he slung his arms around both God’s shoulders. “Clearly, we’re getting off-topic.  Gas Ball was clearly looking for someone. So let’s go back to that, shall we?” 

“I’m not looking for anyone.  Get off me,” he shrugged the younger God off of him as he started walking off.  Minhyuk being left to entertain the annoyance that is the Snake- his hair already tinted grey in a dipped mood.  

It was hardly anytime at all before Hyungwon was forced into small hello’s and hi’s before he finally perched himself against a wall.  Crossing his arms, he huffed up towards his bangs, flicking them with his breath.  Sighing, he leaned his head back against the wall with a small thud and his eyes shot up towards the cathedral second story. Up there, he saw someone.  

It was hard to see them beyond the light as they stood in the dark, but they seemed to look down on the other’s enjoying their evening.  Leaning over the balcony before someone got their attention.  Hyungwong could tell it was Changkyun who started speaking to the mysterious entity, but it confused him.  It wasn’t just the light and shadow that distorted his eyes, but the air around them seemed hazy in his eyes fro this distance.  Changkyun pointed down towards the first floor before he was soon gone from whatever conversation he was previously having.  

Before he knew it, he was being snuck up on again by the same God he had just seen far off away from him not 5 seconds ago. The snake tapped on his shoulder before he smiled, something Hyugnwon knew was laced in nothing but pure, unadulterated mischief. 

“Say I made you an offer to something like a... social experiment.”

“Why would I ever agree to anything you pitch towards me?” 

“Well, it might involve your impossible counterpart,” he pitched as he looked at his nails unbothered before he smirked up at the Sun.  Hyungwon wasn’t ignorant and he knew what the younger was talking about.  He was talking about the Moon. 

“You know that any meeting between the Sun and Moon is prohibited,” Hyungwon nearly rolled his eyes at himself for spitting out the same law he’s been relentlessly fed for years. 

“So what? I know you were looking for her earlier.” 

“You could tell?” 

“No, I was just seeing if you’d admit it.”  Hyungwon shoved Changkyun off him.  “Listen, the new Goddess hates that she isn’t allowed to meet her Sun.  She’s impulsively curious and if you don’t go to her, she might just come to you.” Hyungwon bit at his thumbnail.  “She’s hanging out on the second floor;  not exactly a conversationalist like your Cloud and me.” He shrugged as Hyungwon- for this one time only- actually took the Snake up on his offer.  “I’ll cover for you, Gas Ball!” 

Weaving his way skillfully up towards the second story stairwell, he was soon skipping steps in two as the stairs spiraled upwards. The second floor was far darker and far calmer than the main sanctuary that buzzed with constant chatter and mingling. 

The moonbeams that lit up the dark second halls Hyugnwon strolled down calmed him.  It wasn’t dark because of the moon that lit the path forward beneath his feet.  He sucked in a breath as he stumbled back out of the window of light and pressed himself against the corner he was originally about to round.  Sat in a stained glass window ledge that was large enough for two people to sit on, was a divine being Hyungwon hadn’t seen before.  

A gown of white and pastel blue fell in small wisps of sheer fabric at the Goddess’s legs. A halter top that was supported by their breast and a necklace of a silver spiral around her neck.  They sat barefoot, their silver heels off and on the floor- feet free from the painful extra height boosters. Her hair was pinned up with a silver hair stick, a crescent moon decorated the top of it, peering above her head like a small crown. 

Hyungwon stared awestruck as he absolutely knew that was the Moon. 

His feet acted before his brain and before he knew it, he was standing in full view with the moonlight igniting his figure.  Far too late to flee, you saw him.  You sucked in a breath, much like he had, as you slid off the bay window ledge and your bare feet echoed onto tiled floors. 

“You’re the Sun,” you whispered, but you were heard loud and clear in the silent halls with only Hyungwon with you. 

“Yeah,” he informally replied before he cleared his throat.  “I mean, yes. I am.  And you’re the Moon.” 

“Yeah,” you mimicked.  “I’m the new Moon Goddess, appointed this year.” 

“I know,” he chuckled.  

“Did- did Changkyun send you up here? As far as I knew, he was the only one who knew I was in attendance tonight?” 

“He did,” Hyungwon nodded. “I’ve been wanting to meet you.” He cleared his throat. “I’m LisYang, the God of the Sun.  That’s my official God name.” 

“I’m Lucia, Goddess of the Moon.” 

Hyungwon walked closer to you, you stepping back just slightly in reflex to the teachings of ‘do not meet the Sun’ you’ve known for so long.  He sat in the bay window of the stained glass before he gestured for you to sit back down with him.  You did so, your toes grazing the tile as you rested on the window ledge.  Hyungwon sat easy, his long legs allowing him to sit with his feet still flatfooted on the tile.  

“Let’s throw out the formalities and speak on a chosen name basis.  I’m Hyungwon.” 

You nodded as you smiled a small bit. “Y/n.” 

Hyugnwon questioned his position as the Sun because what he saw in you was something far brighter than he could hope to be. You both sat in the window, just talking about yourselves for the evening until Changkyun slithered his way down the hall to dismiss the two of your back to your own divine living spaces.  Kicking you cleaning out of his.

You both thought it best to keep your meeting a secret, and you had to bribe Changkyun into secrecy.  You both continued meeting without the knowledge of other Gods or Goddesses for far longer than one could guess.  It went on for years until you both had created a bond that was stronger than the attachments you both had to your own celestial bodies.  

When you both came forward with your relationship as a pair of God and Goddess in Unity, you both bit back laughter at the pure shock of the rest of your divine peers.  You both dreaded the future lectures and demands to separate from each other and follow ancient law, but as Hyungwon held your hand in his own he knew you’d both be fine. You would both make it out of this just as you went into it, in Unity and as One. 

What other entity could possibly hold the Sun in their hands without burning beside the Moon? 

[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

LotR fic rec - Éomer x Lothíriel (2)

This is the second part to this post (+ this one because this particular fanfic deserved a post of its own) because one does not simply stop at 10 éothiriel fanfictions when there are so many more to read out there. Binge reading is now a thing, I speak it into existence as I go from fic to fic for this one pairing.

Of Falcons and Mûmakil, by Lialathuveril (114k)

Set a year after the end of the Ring War, this is the story of how Éomer and Lothiriel first met, fell in love and got married. They managed to do this despite several obstacles on the way including his sister, her eldest brother and a foolhardy band of Southrons. I’ve tried to keep Éomer in character to how he’s described in the books, brave and strong, with a sudden temper but also with a keen sense of humour. Lothiriel I see as quite young (she's twenty at the time they meet) and not quite sure of her role in life yet, impulsive and warmhearted

I find once again Lialathuveril’s style. After reading several of The Moonlily’s fanfictions in a row I became used to her prose, but Lialathuveril is just as good even if it’s different. The main difference being that they each have their own way to write Lothiriel, but in this fanfiction I find she became of mix of each of these author’s preferred personality for her.

Despite how long the fanfiction is, it’s easy to read, and rather quick too. You just read chapter after chapter, devouring them all, and before you know it you’ve reached the end and long for more.

I particularly like that we get as much of Eomer’s thoughts on what’s happening as we get Lothiriel’s. It’s not restricted to a single point of view, which allows you to feel closer to Eomer’s character (because sometimes it’s not the case, since he’s present in the books/movies, the authors assume we know him and don’t need to be imersed in his thoughts, therefore they focus on Lothiriel whom we barely know anything about).

Open My Eyes, by The Moonlily (36k)

A young, unusual lady teaches the King of Rohan that some of the most important things you can't see with your eyes.

Very different take on the usual Eothiriel stories, I think it’s fair to say that I had a few expectations when I opened this fanfiction. While it is the usual high quality fiction provided by The Moonlily, some of those expectations were not fulfilled, which is partly to be blamed on me really. As the story progressed I tried to guess what would happen next, and in the end I liked the theory I came up with so much that I was a little disappointed by the final twist.

But aside from all personal feelings I still think that the final reveal wasn’t as dramatic as it could (should?) have been, given how much of a deal the characters made of it.

Other than that it was a very enjoyable story that I recommend to everyone, if only because it’s well written, not so long as to take a lot of your time if you end up not liking it, and because of how different it is from all other eothiriel stories I’ve read (which is 15 so far if you must know).

Second Time Lucky, by heckofabecca  (14k)

When Lothíriel makes a hasty promise to a lady in distress, she must use all her wits to keep her footing. But there's more than one type of falling... 

Very, very nice and funny to read. This Lothiriel has nothing to envy to all the others I’ve read about though she is quite different, and maybe closer to what we imagine a Princess of Dol Amroth to be like.

Bound by Duty, by Lady Bluejay (99k)

Coming to terms with her arranged marriage, Lothiriel has to face returning to Meduseld alone. How will she cope with those who did not want a Gondorian for a Queen? 

A liiittle bit of a slow burn, just enough to have me foaming at the mouth but not so long as to make me wish I’d never opened it. It’s good guys, it’s so good. Of course you’re going to tell me “why, yes, Alyssa, of course it’s good, this is lady bluejay” and you are right my friend, but it doesn’t hurt do say it twice. This is also one of the sexiest fanfictions I’ve read for this couple? I did not expect it, but the intimacy is treated in a very delicate yet bold way. Loved it. Read it.

Heart of a Queen, by The Moonlily (50k)

"You are a Princess of Dol Amroth, Lothíriel, and you were born as brave and proud as your brothers." 

GOD this story gave me emotional blue balls! I am SO HAPPY it isn’t one of The Moonlily’s longer works because it could very well have ended me right then and there. It gives you an in-depth view of Lothiriel’s inner journey and thoughts as she gets familiar with Rohan and its enigmatic king. As a reader, I was just as frustrated as her in face of Eomer’s aloofness and cryptic behavior, maybe even more because I KNEW there was more to it, we just didn’t know what yet.

As always a nice, refreshing new light shines on the characters (still marveling at how the author can do that after writing so many fanfictions for this pairing) especially on Lothiriel, and while it is not my personal favorite take of her persona, it is still a pleasure to read, and a beautiful tribute to Tolkien and his work. Much like Bound by Duty, she is much more princess-ish and feminine and delicate - and everything you might expect a princess to be. Which is all fair and good, but I have a slight preference for the bold, adventurous Lothiriel.

See ya soon for another review of a The Moonlily fanfic (at this point I should just rename this fic rec to ‘the Moonlily fangirling’)

Game of Hearts, by hannah.jpg (31k)

Humiliated at her waning popularity in Minas Tirith, Lothíriel seeks to regain her reputation: by snagging the King of Rohan, of course. What could go wrong?

I had never read about a Lothiriel like this one before this story, and I’m not sure what to think about her. The story is quite short and well-written, I’ll say that first, and I don’t regret the hours spent reading it (I am a very slow reader) because I love reading about new ways this ship gets together, they never disappoint. But I’ll also say that Lothiriel did elicit some contradictory emotions. She gets through quite a bit of character development within 31k words, therefore at the end, she’s where I like her to be (so to say). However, at the beginning, I was very put off by her characterization, and I admit I (maybe) would have stopped reading had the fanfic been 50k+, but I’m glad I didn’t because she got back in my good graces.

The story is told from Lothiriel’s point of view, though to conclude, I’ll add that it was Eomer’s character that transpires the most, even if we only get to see what he thinks through the dialogue. I guess what you don’t say is as telling as the things you say out loud.

A Long and Winding Road (292k) by The Moonlily

To flee from a dreadful fate, she is sent into hiding. But how can she hide her heart from the man who also holds her secret? 

Yeah, that’s right. Another fanfiction from The Moonlily. Another excellent story with good characterization, lovable side characters, heartfelt conversations by the hearth and painful mutual pining. This one made be very horny because the sexual tension between Eomer and Lothiriel was too much for me. Seriously, this story makes you lust for both physical and emotional intimacy, I am not alright as I write this, folks.

It’s also a slow, and I mean very slow, burn. Hold onto ya feels because you are in for a long, long ride my friends. I was just about to snap and maybe pop a vein or something when they finally acted on their feelings, I cannot stress this enough: it’s a slow burn.

Lady of the Sea (53k), by The Moonlily

How the horselord first met the mermaid.

Listen, I’m not going to say anything again, just accept that I will rec all of The Moonlily’s fanfictions and move on. I loved Lothiriel’s character in this one, I always do when she’s a bit on the feisty side, I don’t know I just think it really suits her and it compliments Eomer’s personality too. As usual, their meeting was excellent in its originality and the skillful way the author always writes that first encounter.

NOTE: I should like to add that if any of the authors whose works are mentioned in my fic recs see this, they are free to keep, use, do whatever they want with the cover(s) I made.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #7 (1978)

Elrod's boots have toes.

This cover proves that with Issue #7, Cerebus had outgrown its "sword & sorcery parody" roots. I would now define it as "madcap sword & sorcery parody." Elrod deciding he needed a little guy in a bunny outfit after hanging out with Cerebus for a short afternoon only makes me love Elrod even more. This issue is also proof that Dave Sim didn't earn his "first man to write and draw 300 issues of a monthly comic book all by himself" award because he didn't do this cover; Frank Thorne did. I don't mind that Gerhard did all the backgrounds for most of the series because without Gerhard, the comic could have been the same just with crappy backgrounds. But Dave Sim not doing the cover art for an issue?! That seems, well, actually, it seems on par with Gerhard doing all the backgrounds. Never mind. Elrod was last seen in Cerebus #4 which might make this the fastest return of any guest character in any comic book ever. I'm not a comic book historian but I'd stake my mother's life on that previous assumption. Hopefully the previous sentence will not start a rumor that my mother is a vampire which I don't think she actually is. I'm not a vampire historian so I wouldn't stake my mother's life on my mother being a vampire. That's a clever line, isn't it? This month's "Note from the Publisher" (which I guess I've incorrectly been calling "A Note from the Publisher") has been renamed "A Brief Note." Unless this "Note from the Publisher" is named "A Brief Note." And it's always possible that it's just called "Brief Note" since I've made that error with the article previously. Getting to the bottom of what this column is called is more interesting than the content of the note which is why I'm done writing about it this month. Dave Sim explains how this issue was the issue that freed him from writing a Barry Smith barbarian parody comic book as he began to take chances with the art and develop more of his own unique style. See? Just like I said about the madcap sword & sorcery designation earlier! He also points out that this is the second issue in seven issues that hints at aardvarks being important and Cerebus being some sort of Messianic figure. He wouldn't revisit that for some time because it wasn't important yet and also he probably didn't really know what to do with it. But it was a good idea because how can you not get a ton of great stories out of a character who is some kind of paradigm changing religious MacGuffin! Plus Elrod! Elrod was sure to make the readers laugh uproariously so that their parents would look over annoyed and ask, "What's so funny?" To which the comic book reader could respond, "Sheesh! Mind your own business! You wouldn't get it anyway!"

Is it more or less manly to admit that I would fuck Cerebus' horse?

Last issue, we learned that Cerebus gets super horny when he's had apricot brandy mixed with Rohypnol. We also learned that once he has sobered up, he forgets about the woman he thinks he loves but really only sort of likes the idea of her loving him. But he doesn't forget about the location of the treasure he learned about! You might be thinking, "That's because he learned about the treasure before E'lass slipped him the date rape drugs." But then I'd say haughtily and super condescendingly, "Yes, but he also learned more information from Jaka while totally stoned out of his mind which was essential to realizing just where the treasure was!" Then you'd secretly begin to hate me and start ignoring my texts and start the slow and silent process of breaking up with a friend. What I was trying to express was that Cerebus is hunting for the Black Sun Temple's treasure! By the end of this issue, he maybe he'll be super rich but still totally alone. I can't stop thinking about that horse. I just remembered, upon the appearance of Elrod at the beginning of this comic book, that the guy in the bunny suit isn't with Elrod. At least, not at first. He's just some flim-flam man trying to become the next aardvark Messiah, I think. But that's okay because I'd use anything as an excuse to say that I love Elrod even more. I'm guessing a lot of Cerebus readers told Dave the same thing which is why Elrod is back so soon.

How have I been a fan of Cerebus for thirty years and never made a Black Sun cocktail?

Elrod has come to the Temple of the Black Dog's Hole Sun for all of the wrong reasons unless getting shitfaced is a right reason and then I stand corrected. I'm pretty sure I'm standing corrected right now. Cerebus doesn't really want him tagging along but he also doesn't want Elrod wandering around to be discovered by the priests which might put their security on high alert. So he drags Elrod into the temple with him to find the treasure. Once inside, Elrod eventually wanders off to find some treasure of his own after Cerebus points out that a quiet living albino and a quiet dead albino are practically the same thing.

I'm sure all the riches are consolidated in the head priest's chambers for safe keeping.

Meanwhile some short priest named Mit is busy sewing a bunny suit. It looks just like Cerebus but is meant to represent one of the Black Sun's oldest and most revered nameless gods! Mit had studied all of the past prophecy and scripture of the Black Sun's theology so that he could represent himself as the coming Messiah and be worshiped as a god. So basically he's doing what Jesus did. Or Ardra! That's a Star Trek: The Next Generation reference which is better than making a reference to the comic book I wrote and drew in my late teens called Arrogance because nobody would get that reference. But, like Ardra and Jesus and Mit, I had a character who represented himself as the prophesied Messiah. Seriously though, who can trust a Messiah that was spoken about in prophecy?! Prophecy isn't a predictor of future events; it's a blueprint for some con man to come through town pretending to be a God and/or selling pool tables. I should scan in my comic books some time! I think it went five issues (at, like, five pages per issue!) and the later issues are really inspired by Jaka's Story: lots of text next to one or two large static images per page.

Ha ha! He's an ablino so he's easily mistaken for a statue!

Realizing the guards are onto them, Elrod rushes off to find Cerebus and drag him away. But instead he finds Mit in his costume and hauls him off. Cerebus finds his treasure and realizes Elrod has wandered off which can only mean that everything is going to become chaos at any second. Cerebus, Elrod, and Mit engage in a slapstick pursuit reminiscent of any old television program that would make you think of a slapstick pursuit. Maybe Scooby Doo or one of the Abbott and Costello movies. It eventually ends with everybody running for their lives and Cerebus discovering the pit of the Black Sun Temple's god. Spoiler: the god is a giant spider. That wasn't really a spoiler because this issue begins with this image:

The old comic standby of starting the story in the middle for one page and then preceding immediately to the beginning and telling the story linearly. I don't think Dave ever did this again because remember how this issue freed him from copying styles and tropes?!

Hey, remember that horse? Let's look at it some more. Oh yeah. Hey girl. I've got a carrot for you. Cerebus is finally defeated by a combatant this issue. Sure, it's a giant spider whose web Cerebus fell into while also losing his sword. As a reader, I'll allow Cerebus to lose a fight when the conditions are stacked so high against him. The only reason Cerebus survives is because Cerebus has no soul which causes the sacrificial Black Sun ceremony to disintegrate into chaos. The spider, finding no nourishment in the sacrifice, falls deeper into the pit as the temple crumbles and explodes around Cerebus. He's flung far out into the desert, mostly unharmed from the violence. But his treasure and his sword are lost. I hope that sword wasn't important to his becoming the Messiah! I suppose it's okay because he still has his three medallion necklace! With Mit's people and religion destroyed, he decides to become Elrod's sidekick for awhile. I don't remember if he ever turns up again; I'm guessing this was his only appearance. In this month's Aardvark Comment, a writer grades the art of Cerebus as an "A" and the writing as an "A+" so I'm just using that as my rating. Why should I waste my time doing redundant work?! At the end of the original issue, there was an ad for a hand-sewn Cerebus plush toy. That means that a non-zero number of Cerebus plush toys have been fucked in this reality. Eddie Campbell wrote a one page comic for this issue called "Great Wasters from History Not Counting Dave Sim." This was about a guy named Jack Mytton who lived from 1796 to 1834. I could look up who he was but that would defeat the purpose of Eddie Campbell telling me who he was in Eddie's comic! If you're interested in learning about Mr. Mytton yourself, I highly recommend researching him. He was a rich drunkard who did a bunch of crazy shit and then eventually died in pauper's prison. He sounded like a fun guy to be the friend of a friend of! Cerebus #7 Rating: A and A+, remember?!

[gofancyninjaworld]

Powerscaling follies

Because I can’t stop thinking, I thought I’d build on an excellent conversation from this morning [link].

About the time fans realise that the Hero Association hero rankings aren’t in order of hero strength, perhaps even agreeing with Child Emperor that even if you can measure strength, it means very little in practical terms, they start wanting to rank the heroes themselves.   You will find no end of tiering posts on Reddit and on YouTube.

They’re fun, but there are two problems with them.  First, is how susceptible fans are to presentation.  Second, is that a lot of tiers use disaster levels for hero and monster alike without thinking through what that actually means. 

It’s all in how you present it

It’s even more fun when you realise that most fans are dragged along by presentation like a dog tied to a cart.  ‘Tier lists’ describe well presented and poorly presented a lot more than they describe strong or weak.   It doesn’t seem to matter how explicitly the story spells out the importance of compatibility and circumstance in determining how outcomes fall.  It doesn’t matter how explicitly the story points out that there’s no straightforward definition of strength.  Nope, nope.   It’s a rather pointless pursuit, but I suppose it amuses some.

ONE knowingly plays with the power of presentation to unduly influence viewer judgement and he has two particularly long-running mirror cases.

1. Saitama:  We the external audience see Saitama do amazing feats.  However, within the story, his mighty slayings are presented in such a way that it’s easy for the internal audience to discount them.  Watching Saitama go unjustly unrecognised is something that upsets a lot of fans. 

2.  With great insouciance, ONE in a 2012 interview went “ Genos is rather powerful even among the S-Class heroes.”  [link] And fans went REALLY? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU.  If he’s so strong, why is he struggling?  That’s the power of presentation for you.

But it’s everywhere.  One year, Stinger is so weak!  One hit from a demon-level monster took him out!

Another year, Stinger is so strong!  He’s working with just one other hero to literally whittle a demon-level monster down to size!

The messy and contingency dependent nature of battle in One-Punch Man, and the way you can’t compare two situations directly is part of what makes the series such a joy for me.  However, for someone used to sports tournaments and tournament-style anime where extreme effort is made to level the playing field to make such comparisons easy, it’s a headache

Disaster Level: Hero

While I’m on that topic, can I say how deeply irritating I find the way many fans think about disaster levels. It’s explicit in the story that the Hero Association started assigning threat levels as a rough guide to what response it thought the threat merited and is deeply imperfect. It’s important enough the story spends a whole chapter spelling it out: https://readms.net/r/onepunch_man/Special/4156/1?auth=1  The Hero Association literally doesn’t have the information to judge a monster perfectly in the moment but has to make some classification as to what people ought to do and what sort of heroes the dispatcher should try to put together to tackle the threat. 

 And yet, you find fans thinking them hard-set and even trying to find graduations in them. Sometimes I wish that the disaster level rankings were renamed ‘be careful,’ ‘stay indoors,’ ‘head for shelter,’ ‘run for your life,’ and ‘just pray.’   It’s exactly what the Hero Association wants people to take from ‘demon’ and ‘tiger’ – and a person wouldn’t be able to argue about a higher stay indoors without looking like a total pillock.  :D

That’s just irritating.  Where it gets absurd is when they lump heroes into threat levels thinking it’s a way to say how strong heroes are.

What kind of threat could heroes pose if they decided to turn on humanity? ‘Even’ Class C heroes are freakishly strong by human standards... and most force multiply with some sort of weapon.  What kind of threat level that hero would pose would depend not just on strength but their capacity to project that power.  As well as how creatively they cared to use their abilities. If Gearsper decided to throw rubble at people, he’d account for dozens of casualties before he ran out of gas. If he decided to use his relatively limited psychic abilities to break major blood vessels in people so they bled out internally and died, he could kill thousands. 

About a year ago, I answered a query about the threat levels Class S heroes could be.  I’ve added some comments since in italics.

A: Really Bad Juju

These heroes have the ability to get to multiple cities rapidly under their own steam and the ability to rapidly devastate large portions of it when they do.  We’re talking deaths in hundreds of thousands to millions.

Top of that list: Metal Knight. Unlike everyone else, he can be in many places at once. His work on large civil engineering projects means that he understands how to cripple cities with an efficiency the others would envy. He is anything but impulsive – no running around randomly knocking shit down for him! Every action will be calculated to exact the most impact possible. And getting rid of his robots doesn’t stop him: he operates on the principle that he’s surrounded by powerful enemies who’d kill him if only they could find him. I doubt even Child Emperor knows where he is. There’s plenty more robots where the first wave came from.

Next down is Tatsumaki. She’s seriously bad news in ways I trust I do not need to enumerate, but she can only be in one place at a time, which is a relief. Also a relief, she hasn’t the most stamina in the world, but good luck exploiting that.

If Blast can fly, then he’s here. If not, he’ll be at the top of the next category down. As best we know, he’s not telekinetic nor a range weapon user, but he is outrageously powerful.

Bringing up the rear of this category is Genos. His being able to fly puts him out of reach of the majority of heroes and ability to destroy wide areas makes him troublesome – particularly if he decides to blow things up rather than vaporize them (what’s the difference? Several orders of magnitude in energy use). Compared to the others in this category, he’s relatively easy to stop, but ‘relative’ is a big word – it only took a multi-kilometre long, heavily-armoured monster with insane regenerative abilities to do that the last time. You totally have one in your backyard, right? And once stopped, he’s liable to blow himself up as a final 'fuck you’.

B: Bad Juju

The good news: they’re not going to be zipping from City A to City B, leaving trails of devastation in their wake. The bad news: they’re still pretty fast. And they’re really, really hard to stop.

Bang

Atomic Samurai

Child Emperor

Superalloy Darkshine

Flashy Flash

Watchdogman

Metal Bat, if you let him get going.

Drive Knight. I’m open to changing this. Nah, I’m comfortable with leaving him here now.

C: Very Bad News

Okay, so they’re not likely to get very far fast and they might not be as hard to stop as the ones in the category above, but you’ll be very, very sorry if you take them lightly.

King. King’s not going anywhere. You come to King. He’s not actually wrecking anything. But he looks like he might. We don’t want to risk that. Long live the King.

Zombieman

Metal Bat if you stop him before he really gets going. If you don’t, so sad. Can also be stopped by cute kittens, it being time to pick Zenko up or the actual appearance of Zenko.

Amai Mask. Find the ugliest people, things and malodorous stenches you can lay hands on and you’ll soon have him corralled.

Pig God.  He’ll eat hundreds of people, but he has to catch them first.

Tank Top Master

Puri Puri Prisoner

D: Bad News

Sorry, there’s nobody here. Do not incite an S-Class hero to rage. It will not go well.

I only wrote in answer to a specific question, but a wider view would see many A and B class heroes being bad news and even very bad news. depending on where exactly they are. And of course, I’ve not considered Saitama. If Saitama ever lost it, the planet would no longer exist.

[kcwcommentary]

VLD8x08 – “Clear Day”

8x08 – “Clear Day”

This episode is so frustrating. The carnival is a waste of time, but that’s less frustrating than Allura’s hallucination and dream. All writing is a choice. If you write a cryptic dream into a story, it has to be for a reason, it has to mean something. And I want Allura’s hallucinations and dream to mean something. I feel like I desperately try to tease out a meaning from it when I watch it. But I don’t know what it means. It’s never explained in the show, and it’s so frustrating. Ultimately, I end up so annoyed by it that I just think that the show’s creative team didn’t actually have a real meaning for the hallucinations and the dream. I think they probably just had these cryptic moments for no other reason than to just be cryptic. I don’t think they thought they had to have an explanation for what it all meant, let alone that they had a storyteller’s obligation to explain it in the story.

I’m left feeling that this episode is just more audience manipulation, and I’m not okay with that.

The episode starts with Allura talking to Tova. Hunk’s cookies caused zealots who wanted to commit genocide to now want to cooperate with Allura. That ending scene last episode leading into this cooperation really only works if you ignore everything the show has established about these Alteans. If they had only been angry and hadn’t really done anything and were captured and then they ate cookies and calmed down and changed their mind about Honerva, that would be fine. But the show specifically identified these Alteans as the ones who were piloting the Robeasts, and those Robeasts were used to drain the quintessence of several planets. Just because the Rebels seem to have been able to evacuate the population of those planets doesn’t negate the fact that these Alteans were trying to commit genocide. It really is creepy that this show just ignores that now.

Tova tells Allura that he doesn’t have much time to talk to her. This connects to how in 8x01 “Launch Date” when Luca talked to Romelle, Honerva remote killed Luca. Tova says, “Now that she has Lotor, she will use him to destroy everything—” So the show is again explicitly saying that Lotor is back. Tova states this as fact, so Honerva had to have specifically spoken to the Colony Alteans about this being the goal. Since Lotor doesn’t actually come back in this show since he’s a melted corpse, are we supposed to assume (assume, since the show never bothers to show us) that Honerva was just lying to the Alteans?

Tova convulses and falls on the floor, two creepy-mask medical personnel (seriously, who thought the visual design on medical personnel was a good look?) come in, and Allura tells them to back off. At first, I thought it was weird that she was keeping Tova from receiving medical attention. She kneels down, holds out her hand, and her hand starts glowing, and I thought she was going to use her magic healing like she did with Lance in 6x01 “Omega Shield.” Then she says, “I feel something.” Why is she only feeling it now? The entity has been in him the whole time.

She apparently magically pulls a rift creature, last seen in 3x07 “The Legend Begins,” out of Tova. I really wish this show had not brought the rift creatures back into the story since the story doesn’t really do much with it beyond this episode. The creature flails around the room. Monitoring outside is Sam and Matt’s robot? cyborg? person in a mask? girlfriend. Why is she even part of this scene? Why is Sam even in this scene really? He’s not a doctor, he’s not a diplomat, he’s not the ship’s captain, he’s not Romelle or Coran, so he doesn’t have a cultural investment in this conversation. Sam is the ship’s engineer. There is not reason for him to be here except that they wanted someone to speak technobabble. Why couldn’t that have been Coran? He knows a lot about technology and could have thus spoken technobabble, and he would have had a reason to be watching because he’s Altean, Allura’s there, and they’re trying to get the Colony Alteans to cooperate. Having Coran here would have made so much more sense than having Sam, and Coran has the added benefit of being one of the show’s main characters. So, once again, the show has shoved a main character to the side in order to give time to a side character.

Allura, Tova, and the medical personnel exit through the door, and conveniently, the rift creature does not attempt to follow them as they do so. Sam hits a button, metal in the room clumps together in the center of the room, and then cut to their having somehow gotten the creature out of the room and into a small container. Allura tells Sam that the creature was trying to communicate with her. I use this stated attempt to communicate as being the foundation for my attempts to interpret Allura’s hallucinations and dream.

Curtis and Shiro directly talk to one another! About a picking up “an abnormal signal.” So, you know, clearly, they’re in love.

It’s the guy from that planet in 4x04 “The Voltron Show!” where the weather is only clear one day out of the year. Like in that episode, this episode seems to think saying Coran’s inability to know what day it is on that planet is the result of “time dilation.” It didn’t work as a joke in “The Voltron Show!” and works even less as a joke now because the way it’s used this time doesn’t even seem to come from understanding what time dilation is. The “abnormal signal” that Curtis picked up was solely that there are a bunch of inhabitants on the planet who are currently on the surface. That is not a signal!

The alien guy rants at Shiro when Shiro suggests it’s too dangerous because of some miscellaneous threat. The Galra have completely ceased to be a thing in this show. We’re to somehow think that a universe-spanning military dictatorship culture that has lasted for 10,000 years has stopped being a problem because Honerva killed a handful of people in 8x02 “Shadows.” Honerva hasn’t been spotted in a while and is leaving no wormhole trail, according to Allura last episode. So, what’s the danger that Shiro is so worried about that he thinks a planetary cultural event should be cancelled?

The alien guy tells Shiro if he’s so worried about their safety, then they can come provide security free of charge. Shiro tells Veronica to make a shipwide announcement, “We’re going to Clear Day.” Cut to them seemingly having already arrived because Lance is asking Allura if she’s sure she doesn’t want “to go down to the carnival.” Allura says that she wants to rest after what happened to Tavo. Lance offers to stay with her, but she tells him to go, to “win [her] a prize […] something sparkly.” One cliché guy-winning-a-girl-a-prize-at-a-carnival reference, check. Even with it being totally cliché, I do actually like that Lance seems genuine about wanting to get something in order to try to lift Allura’s spirit when he arrives on the planet. The fact that he’s having to lift her spirit though, continues supporting my argument that Allura was depressed this whole season.

Once again on this show, a planet is populated only by a small number of people in a single, small location. Why is the show like this? Every alien civilization (other than the Galra) only has a planetary population the size of one town. It’s so off.

Pidge and Hunk offer to help Lance look for something for Allura. Keith overdoes it with the professionalism (which is slightly endearing) by being too focused on their providing security for the event. Shiro, who had been the one who initially was so worried about whether the people of this planet should be having this event due to miscellaneous threat, now doesn’t seem to remember he was worried earlier. Now, he tells Keith, “Relax. Go have fun.” Keith asks, “If we’re not here for protection, then what are we even doing here?” So, yeah, about two-and-a-half minutes after having said, “Are you sure hosting a celebration is safe? This sector has seen a lot of hostile activity lately,” Shiro has now been written to have a totally different motivation, telling Keith now, “Morale on the Atlas is low after what happened on Oriande. Who knows, a few hours at the carnival might just give us the boost we need to get back on track.” This show can’t be consistently written for even three minutes. This latter motivation of Shiro wanting to boost the crew’s morale makes a lot more sense than his earlier concern about a miscellaneous threat. Although, they’re only going to be here for a few hours? I thought the celebration was supposed to last an entire day.

Back on the Atlas, Allura wakes up and hallucinates Lance. He talks about the Altean flower that Colleen was growing last episode and has since given Allura. “I had assumed they had gone extinct,” she says thereby marking the flower as a symbol of the Altean people. She hears Lotor’s voice saying, “You should know better than anyone nothing ever truly goes extinct.” Lance is gone, and then Lotor is there. He says, “It’s good to see you again, Princess. You know, the ancients believed that all of life began with a single juniberry flower.” Allura summons her bayard and tries to cut through Lotor, but she only damages the wall and floor, not him.

He tells her, “You and I desire the same thing. We both seek to destroy Haggar.” Allura counters, “Haggar? Haggar is no longer. She is Honerva now.” I know the show desperately thinks it has told a story about someone who has differentiated personalities caused by quintessence poisoning, but it really hasn’t. Haggar, Honerva, it doesn’t matter what name she uses or what appearance she’s taken on, she’s still the same person. Lotor agrees with me, “Though I could rename this a highland poppy, you and I would still know what it truly is. The witch may change her name, but she will always be a witch.”

It’s really baffling in a way. It’s like this show doesn’t even know what position it wants to take about the fundamental truth about Honerva. The show very much expects the audience to consider Honerva absolved of her behavior post-quintessence poisoning, but here it has someone arguing that Haggar and Honerva are just two names for the same person, so following through with that, Honerva most absolutely shouldn’t be forgiven for her abusive and genocidal behavior.

And since this isn’t really Lotor talking but the rift entity, what are we supposed to think about Lotor here telling Allura this. What Lotor is saying is totally right, but are we supposed to interpret this as the rift entity manipulating and deceiving Allura? The show did expect us to think everything Lotor said in seasons five and six that was totally truthful and accurate were actually manipulative lies. It’s so weird. The way this show does this by having him say things that are so clearly true, but then to try to say those clear truths are deceptions, it makes it feel like the executive producers and writers of the show are trying to gaslight the audience.

I’m curious if the rift entity is projecting Lotor saying this because it actually does recognize Honerva for what she is. The last time we saw a rift creature was in 3x07 “The Legend Begins.” Honerva had one in a forcefield bottle. Because it becomes aggressive and attacks and more of its kind come through the rift, combine, and attack, I went right along with the idea that it was a malicious creature. But thinking about it now, it could have been really interesting if we eventually found out it wasn’t malicious whatsoever. The first time we ever see it, it’s been captured and imprisoned by Honerva.

Allura says that “there’s nothing [she] can do to counter [Honerva’s] abilities.” Lotor says she’s wrong. “Everything you need is here,” he says. He causes her to have a vision of the rift entity. He says, “It is an ancient form of energy that predates time itself.” So, is it energy or is it a creature? “Entities like this gave Haggar the ability to conquer worlds and control the universe for 10,000 years.” Uh, how? This is the first time since “The Legend Begins” that this show has brought the rift entities into the story. The show has not shown Haggar doing anything with them for 10,000 years, so this just feels like it’s coming out of nowhere.

Again, I just don’t think this show knows what it actually wants the facts of the story to be. It’s too interested in having unresolved ambiguity, but without resolving the questions it raises for the audience, the show ends up just seeming like it’s being manipulative. Lotor puts his mouth to Allura’s ear, clearly meant to be creepy and evoke viewer distrust, as he says, “If you can become one with the entity, the powers you gain can defeat the witch.” Allura is shown reaching out toward the entity.

There’s a bright flash and suddenly Allura is standing in a field of flowers talking to her mother. This is the first and only time (that I can remember) we ever see her talking with her mom (of course, it’s not actually her mom). Her mom says, “You’ve arrived just in time […] to save us.” Above is a fleet of Galra cruisers who start firing on the nearby Altean city. Her mother says, “Only you can protect us.” Allura then is in the armor of one of the Colonly Alteans who pilot the Robeasts. She’s in a Robeast. She slams the Robeast weapon into the ground, draws out quintessence, and uses the chest cannon to destroy the Galra. Then she realizes she’s destroyed the planet. Her mother, as she turns to dust, says, “I am so proud of you.”

This is such an interesting dream sequence. But what does it mean? Or rather, what did the writers intend it to mean? I don’t remember this ever being explained. Is her mother supposed to be the voice of the rift entity, asking Allura to save them? If the rift entities now are like the one back in “The Legend Begins,” then has Honerva imprisoned them and is using them against their will? Are they being violated by Honerva, and this one is asking Allura for help? If the rift entity is just trying to offer Allura power to trick her into letting it into her so it can do something bad to her – consume her? the show never seems clear to me about what the threat of the entity is to Allura – then the dream doesn’t narratively work for that because it ceases to be enticing because it causes her to see her kill her own mother. That’s not how you write deceitful promises of power because Allura doesn’t have reason to trust the entity now.

I just don’t understand what the message the show is trying to convey with this dream sequence. Allura dons the Robeast pilot armor and uses the Robeast. She drains the planet of quintessence, killing everyone including her mother, but she’s doing it to provide defense, destroying the Galra who are attacking. It seems like it’s justifying horrible action – draining the planet of quintessence and killing everyone – in order to do something else – stop the Galra. It can be read as a statement about doing horrible things in order to achieve a bigger goal. I know I read a long while back some suggestion that this dream sequence can work as an explanation to Allura about why Lotor should be forgiven, that his second Colony that drained quintessence from Alteans was a horrible thing done in order to achieve a bigger goal.

It’s just so weird. Her mother says Allura’s there “to save us,” but then Allura doesn’t save them, she kills them to kill the Galra. Is it supposed to be explaining the threat of what negative things would happen if Allura takes the rift entity into herself? That she would be doing it out of a motivation to protect people but that it would turn around and end up killing those she wants to protect? That isn’t what happens when Allura takes the entity into her though. And if this dream is coming from the entity itself, why would it have Lotor suggest to her that she take it, but then have Allura see a vision that’s trying to say that if she does take it then she’ll be responsible for killing everyone.

And then, Allura’s mother says, “I’m so proud of you,” after Allura has killed her. Why would her mother say that if the vision intends for Allura draining the planet to be interpreted as an ultimately negative thing?

The show, of course, doesn’t follow up with any of this, so I ultimately have no idea. I just wonder if the writers even knew what they were writing when they wrote it. The sad thing is that I can easily imagine that the writers of the show think I’m wrong for wanting this dream explained. I think that they failed as writers in not explaining it. I think it’s a mark of an amateur, and there are a lot of well-paid, acclaimed writers who are technically professional that I am still criticizing as being amateur, to write cryptic scenes into a story with no intention of providing an explanation for the audience. I’m not saying don’t write cryptic scenes, I’m not saying you can’t let a cryptic scene sit for a while, but you have to absolutely explain your cryptic scenes eventually or else you betray the trust of the audience.

Whatever happened with the dream, it had a real-word manifestation. The flower on the nearby shelf is dead. (Though the mice on the bed are still alive. How’d they survive?) It suggests Allura actually drew the quintessence out of the flower during her dream. She has used her space magic to revitalize people before, so I guess this supposed to just be her able to do the opposite? Where did this flower come from? It wasn’t in the scene when Allura and Lance were laying on her bed before he left for Clear Day. Instead of this flower, a holographic projection of her father and mother was what sat in this spot on her shelf. Is this discrepancy supposed to mean something? This show has too many inconsistencies for me to say it must mean something.

Honestly, this show’s executive producers and writers seem to be the type of people who’d put weird stuff in the story for no other reason than to be weird. I can totally see them not thinking any of this needs to make sense.

Back at Clear Day, Pidge plays Whack-a-Coran. The people of Clear Day have manufactured games with Coran’s face on it? Well then, that’s some spite for Coran’s inability to track time in “The Voltron Show!”

Shiro walks into the arm-wrestling tent. The alien guy complains about the Blue Lion not being there. The alien tells Shiro that the arm-wrestling contest isn’t “for people like you.” Shiro says, “Why’s that, because of my arm?” The alien says no. I say yes. Shiro’s arm does not have an elbow. It doesn’t have a way to create leverage, which is what is needed to arm wrestle. It’s like this show actively picked something that Shiro would not logically be able to do. It’s like the show and the creative team behind it are actively mocking people for having a problem with how illogical Shiro’s arm is.

The alien says that “arm-wrestling is for the young and strong. You’re old, like me.” I guess maybe he’s just supposed to be taunting Shiro or something. It has felt like the executive producers and writers have thought of Shiro as older than he is throughout this show’s production, and I have no idea why.

Coran participates in a yelmore calling competition. I genuinely laugh. His yelmore call is funny.

Hunk eats food, but it’s a carnival, so it makes sense.

Keith asking some people if they’ve seen anything suspicious and their mocking him about how there’s a guy going around asking people if they’ve seen anything suspicious is annoying. I’m over this episode disparaging Keith for being professional. Somehow, Keith and Hunk are spontaneously, and unknowingly in line for a ride. This is such a weird transition. I think the transition itself is supposed to be a joke, but it just feels off. So, were the people Keith was questioning in front of him in this line? They others in the line behind Keith didn’t complain about Hunk cutting in front of them by joining Keith. The moment lacks logic.

So, they get on the ride. The ride seems like it’s based on the clichéd mockery of the It’s a Small World ride at Disney theme parks. It’s not funny.

Still looking for something for Allura, Lance is at a game booth and complains, “Voltron doesn’t have a purple lion.” It’s really hard to see how the writers would have put this in and not mean it to be a reference to Lotor. Precisely what they mean by it, I don’t know. Lance asks the game attendant if he’s “got any blue lions? I used to be the Blue Lion’s Paladin and now my girlfriend is.” The attendant has a blue lion, but he’s clearly a scammer since he takes all ten of Lance’s tokens for one play of the game and swaps the rings for smaller ones. Lance still gets two of the three. The attendant offers to make Lance some kind of a deal.

Meanwhile, Pidge has won a bunch of tickets and is trying to redeem them, specifically for a prize fit for a princess. It feels like her doing this has to be connected to the same giving spirit that came from her in 8x01 “Launch Date” when she gave up her video game for Allura’s outfit. But, like too many things, this show doesn’t actually explain what the bigger meaning is. Pidge wants a sparky hardhat but needs more tickets.

Shiro competes in the arm-wrestling. Curtis watches him. It could have been used to actually have them talk to each other and set up getting them together in the end, but since they weren’t planning on having them become a couple, the writers didn’t think to actually do anything to set-up the relationship.

Pidge asks her dad for more tokens. He accuses her of wasting her previous tokens. She gives him a face and he goes to give her more, but Colleen snatches them and says she wants a family picture in exchange. It’s supposed to be funny, but I don’t find it funny at all.

Back on the Atlas, Allura is looking at the entity. Lotor is still talking to her, creepily telling her to free the entity. She says, “I can’t. I won’t.” And then her hallucination changes to Lance, who says, “It won’t do any harm. The entity will help you. It will save all of us.” Lotor aggressively says, “Take it.” Then Allura sees and hears her mother again, who says, “Only you can save us all. Release the entity. Come home to Altea.” Her mother turns into Honerva, who says, “Join us.” And then she turns into the entity.

I still don’t have a clue what this dream sequence is supposed to be telling us. All of this is the entity talking to Allura, right? I think the biggest problem with this is that the creative team, in the same way that they never really settled on an explanation for what quintessence was and how it worked, they never settled on an idea about what this entity is. We’re supposed to have a sense of foreboding. We’re supposed to consider it threatening, but for no reason other than that’s the emotion the show wants us to have. There is no foundation to what makes this threatening. We’re supposed to go, oh no, don’t trust it, something bad is going to happen now. But nothing bad actually happens because of this. It feels like all the hallucinations and the dream are setting up something specific, but I don’t think it is. I think the whole point of this is just that the creative team is messing with the audience, toying with us.

Allura releases the entity. Why she would respond to Honerva saying “Join us” by releasing the entity, I don’t know. It seemingly enters her. A mecha’s eyes and horn? light up. There’s a shot of Lotor laughing. The sound of his voice sounds like he’s having fun. It doesn’t sound like a maniacal laugh. His face looks wild though. The visual of his face and the sound of his voice do not match in tonality. He says, “Follow me!” I know this moment has been the subject of a lot of debate and discussion. I don’t really know what to add to it. I assume this is supposed to be the entity still talking to Allura? Is Lotor supposed to be the entity and the mecha he’s piloting supposed to be Allura, as a statement that Allura is now possessed and controlled by the entity? But then who’s the statement “Follow me” being addressed to if it’s not being addressed to Allura. Is the entity through this vision of Lotor making this statement as a declaration of partnership with Allura?

Again, I think I’m putting way more thought into these scenes and this dialog than anyone who worked on the show did. I think they most likely just threw some words into a script and didn’t care if any of it made sense.

There’s a shot of space and some planets and Voltron, and the whole image smears sideways and whites out. Why? What does it mean? I doubt it actually has any meaning.

Keith and Hunk are still stuck in the ride. It’s not funny. The ride breaks down again. It’s still not funny. Keith breaks out of the ride. Coran still is in the yelmore calling competition. I genuinely laugh at the calls. Coran wins. The deal the game attendant made with Lance was Lance autographing all the Blue Lion plushies. Lance was totally cool with that, and he’s got his Blue Lion plushy in return to give Allura. Pidge got the sparkly miner’s hardhat for Allura. They all converge on the arm-wrestling final.

Shiro’s final competitor is the warden from 2x10 “Escape from Beta Traz.” It’s set up to suggest a personal stake to the competition. Shiro calls the warden out on having imprisoned an innocent person. The warden then apologizes, saying, “Look, I know I did some bad things. The truth is, I thought you guys ruined my life, but really, you saved me.” I can’t help but read this as a parallel to Allura’s dream. Like with her dream, the warden talks about interpreting something initially as bad (“I thought you guys ruined my life”) but then seeing it as good (“but really, you saved me”). It has a parallel quality to Allura’s dream where she does something that seems bad (drains the planet of quintessence and kills her mother) but it happens with the language of it being a good thing (“You’ve arrived just in time […] to save us” and “I am so proud of you”).

Part of me feels like there has to be an explanation here. There has to be a meaning we can figure out. But the other part of me feels like I’m just desperately grasping for something to try to create a meaning because the show failed to actually give us one.

Shiro and the warden arm-wrestle. I think Shiro arm-wrestling is still ridiculous because of his arm lacking an elbow, but I think the animation of the arm-wrestling looks really good. Shiro wins.

The Paladins and Altas crew return to the ship.

Sam runs in to find Allura on the floor, unconscious. (Again, why is this Sam instead of Coran?)

The episode ends.

Yeah, this episode frustrates me so much. It all feels like a giant suggestion of meaning, but the show never provides that meaning. This episode just ends up feeling absolutely disrespectful of the audience, like it’s all just a giant manipulation.