#i might make a whole post about this bc this was genuinely the most important thing that happened in my life

[thewhumperinwhite]

i genuinely love posting attd stuff to this blog in particular bc there's like. a *very* complicated (perhaps too complicated, working on the same project for 14 years will do that) story going on, with lots of Politics and Magic and Political Magic going on, but for the purposes of this blog i'm always just like "...anyway who wants to see this white boy get the shit kicked out of him again"

[cappuccinco]

Posted this ages ago and forgot to update so here it is:

I got into art school!!!

We're starting this sunday and i'm soo excited and nervous i feel like my heart is going to explode. It's been extremely hard for me to leave the house since i finished highschool ~3 years ago, but i came such a long way and my mental health now is the best it's ever been. It's going to be a huge challenge but for once in my life i'm actually really hopefull for the future.

And it's a school specifically for people with mental illness so it's government subsidized so i don't have to sell a kidney in order to afford it🥹 and they'll also be a bit more forgiving if i have trouble showing up. And there's a social worker and a therapist there you can talk to if you have any struggles with the school so that's a plus

Only downside is i wasn't able to get into the program i wanted bc i enrolled pretty late and it was already in full capasity:/ the program i wanted is a daily one and the one i got into is only three times a week. My therapist said that something that will force me to wake up every morning and leave the house will be best for my mental health, and something that isn't daily might cause me to lose momentum and make it even harder to keep up with. BUT the person in charge of the school said she really likes my art and that it's pretty common that someone leaves the daily program in the first month, so if that happens i'll be first in line to get transfered there. So there's still hope>< i'll update if that happens (if i remember lol)

And the best part is that one of the teachers there said that pretty much everyone in the school is queer so that's dope lol

Omw to the audition wish me luck aaaaaaaa

[mcybree]

I prepared this ask in the Notes app only for Tumblr to not let me copy and paste the text so here’s a screenshot bc I’m not typing all that again lol

there’s this funny trend i see in trafficblr art, in that, when there’s a lineup of every past winner, most players will be surrounded by symbols that were relevant to their POV, and perhaps drawn with the last emotion they’d felt just before death (or maybe just whatever emotion the artist most associates with the character). The winners might be doing something, or in a pose that reflects how they won—there are a million ways to make a life series winners’ piece. What’s funny about it is that no one ever seems to know what to do with Scott. He’s most often just standing there looking mildly disgruntled. And for the symbols he’s most depicted with, it’s typically poppies, which are only relevant to the first season; last life scott does not place any importance on poppies, poppies dont ever come up beyond a brief interaction in episode 1, and jimmy as a whole is less relevant to scott’s pov in last life than he is in every other season.

not that this is an issue with the art; the pieces are beautifully done, it’s just representative of how little fandom discussion there is about scott’s win thematically. Most discussion I see are about the watchers and how they hate scott for defying him or whatever, but watcher lore is not discussion of the series itself as much as it is a fan creation that is retroactively applied to create meaning.

Scott’s Last Life win, to me, was achieved through accomplishing what Third Life Scott could not.

Scott spent 3L waiting for his day one ally to die. He kept Jimmy at a distance, often fully gearing himself up first before backtracking to help Jimmy along. There’s a funny disparity in episode 5, where Jimmy spends the entire episode trying to get good enchants on his iron armor, while Scott sets up a villager and gets good enchants for the full diamond set that he’d already had in storage, in about half the time Jimmy took trying to accomplish his own goal, iirc. This disparity is also something scott acknowledges with the “I’ll always be more powerful than you” line, but it’s been a while since ive written a post like this so i unfortunately do not have the episode number memorized on that one anymore. But Scott goes on to explain that he’ll always have better armor and weapons, which is why Jimmy could never kill him. This is all to say that Jimmy and Scott do not stand on equal grounds in their alliance, and, more importantly, Scott does not depend on Jimmy. The progress Scott makes in Third Life is entirely his own, with Jimmy as more of an afterthought than a teammate.

This is what landed Scott his all time lowest placement. After Jimmy dies first, Scott loses sight of his priorities and dedicates his remaining time alive to avenging Jimmy, rather than focusing on his own longevity (like he’d go on to do in future seasons). And, in that way, Scott’s attitude towards Jimmy (disposable, going to die, unreliable) was an indirect contributor to Scott’s low placement.

In contrast: Scott could not have won Last Life without Pearl. Scott has to rely on Pearl from day 1, having only two lives to start with himself. Pearl gives Scott two lives total. Pearl and Scott are almost always together. They made it to the final four by each other’s side. And that forced day 1 reliance on pearl breaks down the role scott typically assumes (*he’s* supposed to be the person people rely on, he’s supposed to be the one bringing everything to the table) which curbs his tendency to see himself as above others, which then allows for the most genuine happiness i have ever seen him have in an alliance.

The comparison between the way Scott talks to Pearl and the way Scott talks to Jimmy is like night and day. Scott doesn’t compliment or otherwise say anything supportive towards Jimmy (save for the “I believe in you! MCC has trained you for this moment!” during Jimmy’s dare to flare attempt) until after Jimmy has already died. With Pearl, however, Scott is much more open about his care towards her, saying that she’s his best friend and that he loves her as early as episode 2. There’s more examples but between last life and third life, Scott’s attitude towards his primary ally is completely different, and i think it’s symptomatic of Scott allowing himself to love and be vulnerable rather than keeping himself at a distance. And i think that it’s so special that scott won the season where he was so close with his day one alliance, directly because of his day one alliance.

because, to me, one of scott’s defining characteristics is his self reliance. He will have allies, yes, but he often assumes a supportive role and acts as a supplier. He doesnt like taking things from other people. Last Life is different because Scott relies on Pearl, too. It’s also not a coincidence that last life is the only season where scott is normal about jimmy but that’s a different post

tldr yes scott won last life with the power of love but not in the way people say he did (ignoring the boogeyman curse was strategy ☝️)

I SHOULD NOTE, though, that the boogeyman curse was still a fail. Although purposeful, Scott receives the penalty and apologizes to his team. He says he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. I do think that his words here aren’t fully honest— he’d admitted earlier that this choice was fully for strategy. But I also think his apologetic attitude here is genuine. Scott is a perfectionist, he needs to succeed; failing, though purposeful, still hurts. He feels the need to apologize. It means so much to me that his win in last life directly follows the choice to fail on purpose. I’m insane though idk

third life scott embodies scotts flaws while last life scott is him overcoming them 👍 is what im trying to say 👍 last life scott is everything that third life scott could not bring himself to be, in allowing himself to love and depend on other people and overall just be a person.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

hi! i have a question i’m directing at you bc i’ve seen the idea going around tumblr but most recently on your post — if a student is caught using ai to cheat do you think that’s worth expulsion? should that be the best case scenario punishment? while i understand the importance of making it known to students the severity of using chatgp, at the same time i feel like that’s a very harsh punishment for being caught cheating. but then also at the same time! i’m not a teacher and i don’t know if it’s possible to teach a student to value their education and the opportunity they have for high learning if they don’t already personally believe that the opportunity is a gift. idk! this isn’t really a structured question but i guess i’m curious about how you (or in general, how professors) feel about expulsion for chatgp (i know you’re just one person and don’t speak on behalf of all educators lol but it’s just something i’ve been curious about)

Expulsion as in, ejected wholesale from the entire university, Do Not Darken Our Door Again? No, I don't.

I think what outsiders tend to miss is that students who do this, 99% of the time, are desperate. Something has gone terribly wrong, they're desperate to meet those deadlines and get that work done, and in my experience it's almost always wrapped up in neurodivergence (usually undiagnosed) and frequently a home situation that's made their lives a shit show and pushed academia to a back burner.

But, it's a more serious issue than high school cheating on a multiple choice quiz. Degrees are crafted to have quality assurance built in, and with good reason. The whole point of a degree is that it's proof of higher learning, and specialist knowledge - you get a higher salary (in theory lol) because your employer is paying for the very expensive training you've undergone. This is particularly important in something like medicine or construction, because if you haven't actually completed all parts of that degree you could kill someone; but even in my own field, if you fundamentally don't understand the physical processes of a sand dune as well as its ecology, and someone hires you to manage that sand dune... well, it's going to be an over-stabilised mess in about five years' time and you've killed the rare sand lizards and mining bees that were living there. And if your degree is a course in an institution who is famous for producing top quality environmental workers who know this stuff... well, you've just made your uni course look very, very bad in industry.

So unis are protective of their quality assurance, and that means they do not like cheaters. And I do agree with that, that's fair enough.

For me, though, I think the answer is not full expulsion. I would run it like this:

Confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that the student has indeed cheated. This must be confirmed.

IF NOT CONFIRMED: Mark the work strictly. Pair this with a viva - the student must be able to answer questions about the work from two lecturers with subject expertise, plus someone from the Academic Office (although that latter person can just observe only). This will determine how deep their knowledge is vs what they submitted, and should be factored into the overall mark.

IF CONFIRMED: Module fail, all marks for those credits set to zero, and the information included on transcripts (not why they failed, just that they attempted the module and got zero.) HOWEVER, the student is allowed one resit attempt; this might mean having to redo the year as a part-time student just to get that module, depending on how it's taught and how important it is.

All of the above with the understanding that their work is going to now be checked very closely going forward for repeat issues. In confirmed cases, a viva is now a required part of future work.

To be fair, mind, proving cheating is genuinely very hard, so depending on how strict the uni is, that's roughly the system that gets used anyway. Your work is very strictly marked, you get viva'd, and you usually fail on quality anyway (especially if your flavour of cheating was ChatGPT, because what it produces is shit.) After you've failed, gone through a resit period, and been capped at a pass mark for the fail, you realise pretty quickly that it would have been less stress and effort for a higher mark to just do the work yourself. And that's a learning curve everyone should be allowed, I think.

[hugheses]

these are just some thoughts after seeing ur post on the hockey thigh thing btw, and i hope you hear me out. you being a lesbian (im bi and i have a gf currently), which is something you emphasise a lot, and not being attracted to these dudes doesnt make this whole parasocial archive any less weird or creepy. i'm not here to shit on or invalidate your passion, because obv its something you care about deeply from how much your scour the web for all these old things, even of their mother when she was young. and genuinely, thats pretty cool, i work in archival and i have a lot of respect for that with the effort you've put into it.

but i think you are encouraging others to imitate this blog and culture, when it comes to other players who aren't as in the media as the hughes family. like i agree that its part and parcel of the job as athletes who represent a multitude of things like ur franchise ur family etc, but i feel like we just shouldn't proliferate this. i know people on twitter are unjustly harsh and oftentimes critical to the point of meanness, but i think some points they share are valid. just bc its on the internet, doesnt give us the permission to do stuff ykwim? like imagine just going up to the hughes and giving them a scrapbook of every media moment from their mothers childhood, to her college, their dad, and them as kids and now as adults. thats just straight up weird. and don't even get me on the sexualisation, i get they are adults but isn't that just basic respect?

i know having an internet community is rlly important to some, and im sure ur followers would still give you that support u need even if you dont constantly supply them with these media things, or dangle ur secret archive like a carrot over them.

hoping you have a great day

you clearly put a lot of time and thought into this, so i will give you that same level of consideration back. i think you have some misunderstandings about me, hockey fandom, and fandom culture as a whole.

first, the lesbian thing. admittedly tumblr search is very broken but according to it i’ve mentioned the word lesbian twice on here, as a disclaimer for why i might not be the best person to understand what male attracted people find hot. it's possible it's come up a few other times but it’s definitely not something i "emphasize a lot". it's somewhat ironic that you bring up you being bi and having a gf in what reads to me like a deflection on your critique that i say i'm gay too much, when you seem to think me saying i'm a lesbian is bc i'm trying to deflect on sexualizing these guys. which admittedly is the most confusing part of your entire ask. is this solely about the thigh ask? if you’re worried about "basic respect", hockey fandom is probably not the place for you. i know i don't like seeing 500 reader insert posts every time i open anyone's tag, which is why i have related terms muted and block people who don't use them. however this is very much a part of hockey fandom and i’m aware of that. on the flip side, the unfortunate reality is that hockey players are some of the nastiest misogynistic men on the planet who generally do not see women as actual human beings beyond mommies, maids, and holes. if i WAS sexualizing these men 24/7 i would feel well within my rights to do so, and could make an only slightly ironic argument for it being feminist praxis. if jack hughes can ask girls to flash him, i can have a little sexualization, as a treat. 

calling me weird and creepy isn’t actually negated by following up with saying you're not trying to shit on or invalidate my passion and you respect the effort i put into it. if you think i’m weird and creepy, you’re allowed to feel that way, but actually own it if that’s what your opinion is.

you imagined this scrapbook scenario and then say that it’s weird. i agree, that hypothetical thing would be weird. good thing i’m not doing that, will never do that, and take many efforts to have a strong fourth wall and keep this blog separate from the people it's about. i am a firm believer in keeping fandom private and secluded! that's why im not tweeting all of this and tagging them. 

it’s a big leap for you to assume that i do this because i "need support". not that it matters, but i do all of this because i find it fun and i’m being generous with people who do not have the time/resources/know-how to find this stuff on their own. there's nothing wrong with finding a community online, but i had one before doing all this. in fact, all of this has been really more trouble than it's worth in terms of harassment vs kindness lmao. some people on here have been lovely to me, but i’m beyond the age where i need virtual validation from strangers. you’re right about one thing, i do dangle my secret archive like a carrot, largely for petty reasons because of a few specific assholes. 

you seem to think i’m the only person who does stuff like this. update/archival accounts are very common for musicians, actors, even like... tiktok influencers. were you not online when people hacked an airport security cam feed to watch one direction sit and do nothing? everything ive ever posted on here has been available to the public. i’m just good at finding stuff. even within this smaller sports fandom on tumblr, i have been inspired by OTHER BLOGS who were doing this before me and go way harder than i do. i didn’t invent the concept of collecting information and images about public figures like you seem to think i did, but thanks.

if you want to critique fandom culture as a whole, go right ahead, but i ask that you keep the sanctimonious lectures out of my inbox, especially when they're based in assumptions. any one of these things could have been questions i would be willing to chat about if you were actually curious about me and what i do. i in fact have lots of opinions that might surprise you on many of these things you mentioned. but i will have those conversations with other people, who talk to me with the respect and dignity that i deserve.

[collectivecloseness]

Wait wait wait so the others basically admitted they’re in love with you now with those last two posts as a canon, considering the whole we’re a family thing and here’s why we’re keeping you so like how would them trying to start their relationship with you go down now? Cos like you said I don’t think that would be a smooth transition

Duuude you are so big brained bc this is definitely something I wanna talk about so thank you!! Bc bc exactly right?? They’ve finally basically admitted ‘hey we all love you (to the point Nancy snapped and kidnapped you) and want you to be part of our family forever <3333’ so like, a lot of adjustments for you to make! Based on these two asks.

Yeah they’ve all basically admitted their feelings, but you’ve all been so caught up in... recent events, that there’s not really been any kind of honeymoon glow, or really, any kind of proper love confession at all. Not even really a talk about it.

I’m imagining Eddie makes a move first. It’s the first few days, and you’re at least calmer around him than you are Nancy - and then Steve really tried to hug you the first full day so that didn’t help him - and overall Eddie more calm and understanding the first few days. Especially because he yelled at Nancy in front of you, so you’re hoping Eddie might be your way out of here. Considering he seems less on board with the whole kidnapping you thing.

And you singling him out a little as the one you haven’t screamed at for being alone in the room with you, makes Eddie feel a bit more reassured. He shouldn’t.

At first he tries to kiss you on your forehead, as he sits side by side with you on your bed, but you immediately lean far away from Eddie when he does that. You pull back, explaining with a quiet shock about how that is not it, not right now. But that’s when Eddie tells you “I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s ever told you that. Something Eddie has been waiting to say since he first met you. Something he’s been dying for you to know because it’s the most important thing in his world, you are. Eddie is so in love with you, like he’s never loved anyone before, and he’s finally told you it. You’re the first person he’s ever told that he loves, because he’s been so so afraid of being rejected and called a freak and being unloveable his whole entire life.

And then you grimace. You scowl. And you look sick. You back up even further away on the bed, as you look into Eddie’s doe brown eyes as if he was disgusting, as if he was stupid, how dare he, as you tell him the epitome of ew, no, never. Not now. And after this, not ever.

Eddie finally tells you he loves you for the first time... and that’s how you react.

Eddie leaves your bedroom crying.

Especially after the demobat attack he survived, the other three could never imagine Eddie being in pain and you not being there for him. You didn’t leave his hospital bed ever. But now you’re the cause of it. Eddie is shaking sobbing into his bed, absolutely ruined.

He wails so loudly as he chokes on his cries, his body fiercely trembling, especially as he keeps a vice like grip on his pillow. So hard his nails are getting through it and digging painfully into his own palm. That vulnerability and love in Eddie’s eyes, shattered, replaced by teary darkness. When they’re not scrunched up in torture. Eddie is absolutely heartbroken. Howling out genuinely pained sobs as they all try and comfort him, but nothing is working. They know barely anything would, not without you, but they know they love Eddie too, and will keep trying to help him through this, as hard as they fucking can.

They feel how devastated Eddie is. It’s wrecking them to feel his pain like this. And they know they’d be pretty much the same too, if you’d reacted the same way to their faces.

Steve has to get a vomit bucket ready because Eddie is gagging on his groans and sobs. His arm clutching his stomach, but no one can get him to say if he feels like he’s gonna be sick. Eddie pretty much pleads your name out, rambles terribly about everything that’s happened, or just keeps crying harder and harder.

It’s breaking their fucking hearts.

Robin is on the bed with Eddie, and Steve is swiping his hair back from his forehead, especially because Eddie’s so worked up he’s sweating like a sauna, even as he shakes fervently, while Robin tries to rub his arm, his back, anything that usually works. Nancy also feeding him water, letting him squeeze her hand so he doesn’t break his own knuckles from clenching so tightly, all of them trying to get him through this.

But at one point during all this, Eddie basically throws Nancy out of his room. Upon his sobbing, fuzzy, brain he remembers, through her soothing hand strokes and caring blue eyes, that she’s the reason this is all happening. He tells her to get out with a “This is all your fault!”

And the others stay with Eddie, they don’t go to Nancy. Because not only is he in such need of their care and comfort right now, but he’s also correct. And they know it, they may have partially forgiven Nancy enough to move on, but she’s not out of the water yet, this is still early days. And if it wasn’t for her, you nor Eddie would be suffering; even if she’s upset at being rejected by Eddie so clearly, Eddie’s in way more pain than she could be right now. Again, remembering what it was like being by his side after the demobats... they all really can’t stand seeing Eddie so hurt, including emotionally. Robin and Steve stick together, and that’s by Eddie’s bedside right now.

Nancy does leave, she shuts her mouth, after apologising once again, and she leaves. Closing Eddie’s bedroom door, her eyes apologetic to Steve and Robin, except they’re not looking at her eyes anymore by the time she’s in the doorway. Nancy goes to her room, gets her stuffed childhood toy to muffle her noise, and she cries and cries too, because she knows it is. This is all her fault. She has hurt poor Eddie, and you. She’s hurt her entire family.

Eddie is in pain for days after. Weeks really, the others can see it still affecting him. The first night Steve stayed in his bed and Eddie had cried even throughout sleep.

The whole morning he was a sniffling shell of himself. Eddie completely broken by how his love confession to you had gone. Even during those two weeks Eddie still walks a little slower, keeps his head bent down, doesn’t talk like he normally does. He is wrecked.

But Steve convinces him to get back on the horse the first afternoon after your rejection. He brings Eddie to your room, both of them bringing you a meal, and a couple of new books, talking idly about the bookshelf they’re going to build you in here. You have the same disdain as usual towards all of them, but no special hatred towards Eddie. You look at them the same.

Eddie does feel a little better after he and Steve leave your room. But he’s putting his hand to his chest to find his breath again, before Steve can even finish latching your second lock. Steve was right though, it was good to go back today, and Eddie did feel slightly better. Even if your words, your face, your reaction still lingered in his heart and mind for several days more.

Eddie tried to be better around you, the same soothing rock you needed right now, sensitive to you like always, but he allowed himself to be more melancholy around the others, as he actually felt. He didn’t need to hide from them. You were the one he and his partners all needed to be strong for, at this point in your lives.

Eddie did not appreciate when Nancy tried to get him to eat one time during this period though. Robin was guiding Nancy out of the room before Eddie could go on about how dare she after everything she’s done, again.

Nancy steers clear of Eddie for a couple of days respectfully. All of them, really, because she knows they’re still upset at her putting not just you, but all of them in this situation.

Nancy was upset with herself too, she could handle it. She knows she just has to deal with the cards she’s dealt herself, and she just tries to breathe in, and breathe out, as she thinks of how they’re all working towards building a better future for you, and for all of you as a family, together.

It’s not just Eddie though. They’re all living with the knowledge that at least they’re free of keeping that particular secret from you, that side of them, you know they’re in love with you now.

But they were also quite close with you when you all were just ‘friends’. So surely at least they can try and bring back some of that normalcy, maybe the familiarity again would even help you, right?

Robin tries to give you a side hug one of your first days in, and you nearly bite her arm. Not even in an affectionate way. Steve checks on the teeth scrape mark once Nancy’s locked your door, and he’s got Robin calm enough to sit down in the bathroom with him, but it’s a super minor scrape. As if in the last second you didn’t want your mouth to touch her, and you backed off.

Steve doesn’t exactly say this, but he is talking as he checks out Robin’s bicep, and without really thinking as he goes, and with their platonic soulmate mind meld, Robin immediately also comes to this conclusion. She almost wishes you actually did bite her. Maybe also then, she’d feel just a fraction of her guilt resolve. With you able to take out at least something on her, like truthfully you deserve. Robin’s spending a half hour shaking into Steve’s hug in that bathroom, just not because of her injury.

Steve, poor lost romantic Steve, tries to go in for his first kiss with you. He takes it slow, Steve’s fingers are gentle on your chin as he lifts it, but of fucking course that doesn’t work out either.

He immediately backs off, of course he does, but he does try to stick around and profusely apologise to you afterwards. Even when Eddie’s trying to drag him out so he doesn’t get hit by another book. Steve will take it, all of what you want to throw at him, but he sincerely feels the need to apologise to you for even going towards taking that step when it’s exceedingly obvious now that you clearly didn’t want that.

He’s crying to the other three next, guilt wracking him. Which is why he took leaning in slow, just so you could move away if you want. But he hopes you know he’s safe. That they all are. That part of the reason he wanted to stay and apologise, but also because you deserved one. He really didn’t want to screw things up. You weren’t as terrible with him as you were with Nancy, something Steve tries to skirtingly explain because Nancy’s right there rubbing his knee throughout his sniffling conversation with them, but he just doesn’t want to make things worse with you.

To be fair, none of them could imagine living in a world where these were your reactions to their genuine gestures of love. It was like living in their worst nightmares. But they created this nightmare, and it was something they were forcing you to live in. And unfortunately, they couldn’t wake up and go drive to see you and hang out like normal afterwards anymore. There was no relief. They had created this.

None of them are forcing their touch on you, not at all. They’d probably turn on another if the caught them doing so! But after weeks of you screaming at any one of them trying to just touch you in any way, it is very draining on them.

Not that you exactly care about them being drained. They kidnapped you.

Nancy takes it much slower. She doesn’t try to kiss you first or envelop you in a hug or curl up thigh to thigh or anything with you very quickly. But she is constantly telling you how much she loves you. And that might be worse for you.

She’s declaring “I love you.” Over and over again. It’s done in so many ways, serious and desperate, panicked and repeated, somber and reminding, genuine and heartfelt, craving and lovesick, caring protectively and apologetic, every way. Sometimes multiple times in a go, sometimes only once as she makes a serious remark, but Nancy is constantly telling you those three big words.

To you it’s on par with psychological torture. You know this isn’t why she’s saying it, Nancy’s not trying to break your mind irreparably, she’s just that lovesick. But even her saying it in an apologetic way, not only does it not at all make up for any of it, but it just plain makes things worse. You hate when she says that. And Nancy is the main one who won’t stop telling you.

Don’t even get me started on them always knocking while you’re in your en-suite, to check you’re okay. And are still there/not planning anything.

Even if it’s them worrying you’ve been on the toilet so long do you need some medicine? Or if you’ve fallen asleep in the bath? Do you want dinner now or in half an hour? If you’re injured, trying to get your permission to come in so they can help you with any bathing stuff - not to see you naked, genuinely to help you out, especially if you’re hurt, and also yes because maybe there is some trust and also domestic bliss and care entangled in there.

You thought about breaking the mirror in your bathroom. Actually more than once. But that would only be useful as potentially a distraction, but mostly a weapon, and you’re still unsure if you want to really hurt them, or hurt yourself, just to try and escape. Also, you don’t want loads of things taken away from you, that they might deem potentially dangerous, that will make you feel even more restricted, imprisoned, dehumanised. Because you’re already aware you are struggling.

If they started making lists of what could potentially be a risk that’s in your room, if you ever created a big enough incident, then you’re sure, knowing them really now, that they’d find enough things to remove from your presence. Enough to are you finally slip over the edge. You already got lamps and water glasses/ceramic crockery restricted, you don’t think going without a mirror to see yourself is going to help your mental health here. Nor your fight to get out of this family, this future you have right here...

You actually think about potential lists. The glass in your watch, without telling the time you will definitely go nuts. The wires in your tv, the wood from your bedpost you could carve/bludgeon with, your favourite bedsheets that could make a rope, even the fucking windows. And you know if you’re thinking of those things, the four out there have thought of a dozen times more. You’d rather stay sane, have belongings to make you feel like an actual human being, and fight back once you’ve got a viable plan.

They eventually will start being desperate enough to get you to accept their simplest touches again though. They want to build everything back up with you, because right now your relationship with them is just getting drastically worse and worse.

No more slapping Robin because she caught you when you nearly tripped. No more yanking actual tufts of Eddie’s hair out because he forgot his place and touched yours softly. No more pinning Nancy to the floor and screaming in her face wildly and threateningly so much that she gets democreature flashbacks while under you, just because her fingers brushed yours while passing you the water bottle you dropped. No more chasing Steve with scissors because he accidentally leaned into your thigh too much when sitting next to you - Nancy really should have considered it when she bought you that art set to try and make things up to you and make you feel a bit better.

They want to really start seeing some positive changes within you :). They don’t want you to feel this way anymore, they never have! With what they’ve got, they really are trying to help you out as best they can. Forgoing losing you.

They soon, one by one, will start laying by you when you’re asleep, without waking you up, just to be near you. Cleaning up your face after you cry, even if you try to wriggle out their hold, if nothing else is working why shouldn’t they try showing you how much you mean to them and they care for and love you, helping you take that first step because you’re scared to. Holding your arm to help you when you’re unsteady on your feet, even if they’re the ones getting shoved to the ground by you after that.

They want you to find normalcy in their touch again. So after a few weeks, they really will try reintroducing you to their loving physical touch. Just taking it softly and sweetly and slowly at first.

These are positive steps. They’ll work together so they’re more like a caring and authoritative source and not overbearing or scary. Like finally letting a kid go as they ride their bike or something. They are all helping you, even if you’re worried, but you’ll very quickly learn that you’re okay. You did it, and all went well, you’re not hurt, nothing bad happened, it’s just like before.

The four are trying to show you over and over again that they are safe, that they would never ever want to hurt you. You used to have their touch because they loved you, and you in a way loved them, it is still a nice thing. That would never change, okay? They just don’t want to go without your touch much longer. Not only do you need to get back on the horse, but they’re desperate to just be able to have that with you again, in any way at all.

They need you. But they also don’t want you to go so long without any human touch, it is so so bad for you sweetheart, they know you need them too. They’re gonna take things soooo gently and step by step with you, but not in a clinical way, in a genuine one. They’ll help you through this, it really doesn’t need to be a big hurdle, they know what’s best for you.

And you know, in your heart, and in your trembling body that hasn’t felt touch unless it was briefly scratching at another in a while, that they’re right too. It will help keep you feeling like you’re still somewhat as normal as before. That love, that genuine human connection that really has not changed from them for you, if not been discovered as slightly twisted, is still there, and all four of the people you are closest to are still here, to do everything for you.

You really do need some of that, some of your every day back. You’ve got a deficit of some things, you don’t want a deficit of love, of someone to be your rock for you whenever you can’t right now, of touch that will ground your mind body and soul. The catharsis of someone to cling onto, the fact you’re able to have someone hold you, the touch you used to give and receive constantly that you didn’t realise you could be stripped of, the genuine connection that makes you human. That reminds you more and more of who you are.

Not only that, but that you can still be that same person, the you you aren’t close to forgetting just yet, not just a few weeks in. But that you can give into humanity and love and stay the person you are - not knowing that thinking this, you already could be changing. But you’d rather change, than lose yourself completely. You don’t want to lose love, you don’t want to lose something so basically human as touch, you don’t want to change into someone frightened of it, when you know that your friends don’t want to hurt you. They want the same thing you do, and that’s for you to not lose yourself here.

And they will all hold your hand, every step of the way if you want <3333

[messrsrobyn]

Ok nobody I’ve asked seems to give me a direct answer so I figured I’d just voice all my concerns with you? You don’t have to answer everything 😭😭

When it comes to fandom friends how do you move from just being moots to being friend friends? I saw a video you made about it when somebody had asked you a similar question but I’m really struggling with getting them to feel like friends and not just random accounts in my phone.

I’ve seen videos people have made and you guys are sharing jokes in the comments. I saw video of 3 girls that said “Us when anyone hates on mesrsrobyn” and you said like “Fan behaviour” which obviously shows that you’re actually their friend and you’re just teasing them.

Also how do you find people who are ok with you not responding all the time (😭😭😭) I’m just genuinely not active very much on any forms of social media. I was in a marauders gc and I was really happy thinking I was gonna make fandom friends but because I wasn’t active all the time they had a bunch of inside jokes I didn’t get and I kinda felt like an outsider.

Most of the people I see you interacting with online seem really cool and fun, so I’m just wondering where to find people like that. Just genuinely from posting?

I’m sure I’ve worded all this so strangely but honestly I’m sad because I’ve been in this fandom for 3 years in November and I have made no real lasting friendships. I feel like you yapping so much LOL

IK THE VIDEO 😭 my besties yup !!

this is long so i'm putting the lil dashy line thingy

i have v limited advice actually bc i don't think i've initiated many of my friendships in fandom?? despite how little i stfu, i'm a shyyy person. i get scared to text first.

my BIGGEST bit of advice is take. it. off. the. app.

i try to get discords mainly (bc i use it most) but once you take it off of tiktok or wherever you met it feels so much less like mutuals. like yes, we met in fandom but now we are discussing our plans for the day and getting to know each other as Robyn not Messrsrobyn.

i made most of my friends from posting !! i made my account as a whole to meet people and (ive been flagging a bit recently actually but) i always try to reply to EVERYONEEE. so most of my friends were just people that commented that i replied to, their name kept popping up in my notifs? boom. friends. one of them said they loved crimson rivers so next time i found an edit i sent it to them.

ALSO !! i'm so bad at replying.

servers im more active in i think, but just... dms? not very good at all. anyone that doesn't respect that or gets mad? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ i dont want them as a friend.

like it's frustrating i know! i hate the amount of lil red bubbles i have on every single app but it doesn't mean i value my friends any less and they all know that <3 we don't always have the time or capacity to reply and that's okie.

i tend to get it out the way immediately and test the waters. just a lil "btw i'm really sorry for my reply times! i'm not the best at it but feel free to double text me as much as you want" and always make sure that i follow up on everything that's been said whilst i wasn't replying.

im rambling a bit i fear but the right friends won't get mad at it, or make you feel less important bc of it. it might just take some time to find them but You Will.

i feel like i havent actually given much advice?? i'm genuinely so so so lucky to have found the friends that i have but i did nothing. i think i said in a few of my tiktoks rightttt at the beginning that my dms were open for friends and then i think? hope? that i've kept that energy going of like someone that anyone can message and i'll get back to them (at some point 😭 my tiktok dms are a mess but thats an issue for future robyn) so i've been able to just sit back and naturally find them.

i live by the motto of "the worst they can do is not reply" every time i send a comment or dm to a new person

we're all just losers reading fanfiction !! we all want lil friends to talk to about it so interaction and reaching out gives us that BUT it's the taking it off of the app that takes it from mutuals to friends imo.

this is UNNECESSARILY LONG omg. i never know how to answer these ones but i hope it helps a lil? <3 social interaction is NOT my finest point. potentially my worst i fear.

[khaopybara]

Pluto released today and ahhhhhhh it's so good !!!

I didn't plan on watching it because I didn't understand the plot but now I know the plot and I'm hooked !!!!! It's gonna be great!!! Also I thought the younger twin was dead but she's simply unconscious so maybe later she will be fine and that'll cause problem idk

Did the younger twin never tell may that she had an identical twin sister ???? That's some important stuff u gotta know if you're dating someone right ?

Ps thank you for the kiss gif

i've been waiting for this moment for what feels like forever (it has been a year), AND IT'S FINALLY HERE!!

ngl, i would have watched this show regardless because 1, it's a gl, and 2, like it or not, i'm a gmm enjoyer. i tend to like the stuff they release, and there's namtanfilm who i didn't know previously at all, but they are so pretty, i mean, who can blame me for paying more attention to them, right?

this first episode was so so great! beyond my expectations actually. for some reason i thought they would start slow, but from the first episode we got a little from the twins' dynamic, the relationship between them and grandma, introduced 2 out of 3 members of the side couple, the "oom and paul might have been targeted" and set the whole pretending to be my sister plan in motion. ohh, and also be hopelessly smitten with your romantic interest from the moment oon set her eyes on may quite literally!

i did know the younger twin would be in a coma/vegetative state, but i didn't know paul, the husband, would die! that one caught me off guard, dude seemed quite genuine about oom. and i'm sure oom will eventually wake up, what is the point of having extremely different twins if not for them to come back at some point to mess with everything you built, right?

from what i got, oom has kept most of her life separated from may. enough that no one knew about may (that we know) other than jan. and also, i got the impression oom and oon are not the tightest duo, so the less they either knew about each other, the better. i'm so curious to know more about oommay though, because they even had rings! oom was a little cold, but she didn't give me the impression to be a terrible person, so we'll see.

can it be saturday already? i need ep 2, fr.

(also such a pleasure! bc tumblr is playing with me today and not posting gifsets as it should, it might take a bit but i want to make many more pretty gifs for this gorgeous show)

[fbfh]

Tate Langdon dating hcs

wc: 1.4k

warnings/content: discussions of yandere behavior and how tate differs from that, general obsessive/codependant tendancies bc it's tate, optional creative arts!reader

pairing: Tate x gn reader (no pronouns/gendered descriptions)

a/n: tate is a babyboy who needs to be kissed on his forehead right fucking now yes I know what he did I'm not taking criticism on this. also I just posted this by accident and had to completely delete and reformat it so if you saw that no you didn't

EDIT: I finished coven and realized I used a gif of Kyle and Zoe instead of Tate and Violet which has now been fixed. I cannot keep these blonde boys straight.

Okay so I don’t even want call this a yandere fic bc this is just about Tate in the source material so I don’t want to label him a full out yandere

But like

He kind of is

The other reason I don’t necessarily want to give him the yandere label is bc most of the time (from what I’ve read at least) yanderes usually don’t have their darling’s best interest at heart/can be okay with them being hurt or in danger

That shit would NEVER fly with Tate

I wrote a whole drabble about this but I know a lot of people have said Tate would kill you so you can be in the house with him forever

Yandere!Tate, yes

Regular Tate?? Hell no!!

There’s an element of selflessness that Tate possesses that gives him an important distinction from the yandere archetype

Because a lot of times yanderes want their darlings all for themselves

They want to be their darling’s only one, which can manifest in very selfish motivations

But Tate?????

Tate cares about your feelings more than his

And he’s proved this by acting selflessly for your benefit over and over 

Even when there is literally zero chance for him to get anything out of it

He doesn’t care

Because his motivations regarding you are genuinely selfless 

You are his priority, point blank period

Because Tate is…. Very dedicated

The thing with him is that when he latches onto you 

He’s on for eternity

Not just for life bc he’s kind of an immortal ghost

He’ll be with you until you decide you don’t want him there anymore

And even then

He’s still going to love you just as much as he does now forever

Like he’s really not one to halfass anything

Especially how he feels about someone

Because he usually either doesn’t give a fuck about them or cares too much

He cares too much about pleasing all the women in the house

He cares too much about trying to make Nora happy, gain her approval and praise

And then there’s you

He either doesn’t give a fuck about someone, cares too much, or in your case, might end up deeply obsessed with and dogmatically devoted to you

Which he is

Honestly all it took was a few days before his heart was in your hands

You probably didn’t even realize for a while just how into you he is

But by the time he’s openly confessing his love for you

By the time he’s telling you that he would never let anyone or anything hurt you

That he cares about your feelings more than his

That he’s never felt this way about someone before

You have a pretty good idea of where he’s at

He doesn’t hide his feelings from you after that, he doesn’t think he could if he tried

Tate is hopelessly devoted to you

There’s no other way to describe it

We know he’s clingy

We know he’s affectionate

We know he’s a switchy bottom with raging mommy issues

We’ve established that

And you could tell all of that since you met him

But when he really lays his heart at your feet

When he really finds himself fully committed to you

That’s when all that in theory becomes in practice

When days go by and he’s glued to your side the whole time

Even just lingering nearby while you’re brushing your teeth or making food 

That’s when you realize that he really really just likes being your lapdog 

He loves it

He loves when you give him casual affection, he loves when you rest your hand on his back or brush hair out of his eyes

And he fucking loves when you use him as a reward or break from other tasks you have to do

Every time your little study timer goes off, you drop what you’re doing and run right over to pull him in for a kiss

He’s already thrown his arms around you

You just make out for like ten minutes until you have to start studying again

If it’s not for something super important he absolutely will try to distract you by kissing your neck and squeezing your waist

If it is super important or a subject you struggle in, he’ll help you study

He doesn’t want to stop kissing you, but he will

Because he knows how important this is to you

So he’ll pull away and start reading you flashcards 

And like

He’ll be happy to do it

He won’t complain or be upset

He won’t have anything else he’d rather be doing

Tate Langdon took “if he wanted to he would” and fucking ran with it

Oh my god

And god help you if you do anything artistic or creative

Because as soon as he finds out that you’re an artist or a writer or an actor or musician or singer or dancer or sewist

Or literally anything else

It will once again alter his brain chemistry

The second you start showing him your art or writing or songs

It fucking changes him

Like

The weight and significance of the renaissance and every major artistic movement and cultural moment ever influenced by the arts is now residing in you

That’s how he feels

He takes one look at what you do and he gets it

He never really cared until now

But jesus fucking christ everything you do needs to be in a museum

Sometimes you see him just staring at your art or rereading your writing and poetry or flipping through your sketchbooks

Watching videos of you in musicals or plays or dance recitals 

Because when he sees the world the way you do

Whatever medium that might be through

Everything makes sense

He understands it, and he feels understood

He feels like you’re talking to him through your art

He feels a sense of peace, tranquility

If you think he couldn’t put you up on an even higher pedestal

Surprise

Not only are you the greatest person in the world

But you’re also an artistic genius 

There’s this deep sense of like

Privilege he feels to see everything you’re creating right now 

Even just your diary entries, the way you shape words, the flow of your stream of consciousness is so beautiful

He watches you so much more closely now, seeing the way you dance in your everyday movements

The way you channel and portray characters so flawlessly when you’re telling him about your day and the drama that happened at school

He could spend days looking through the boxes and albums of photos you’ve taken

He probably has

Because there’s no way to be closer to you than taking in these organic, raw forms of passion and self expression

He can’t get enough of it

Tate is dedicated to you

Not only as your boyfriend

But as your number one fan

Even if you’re not as creative

He still believes you have the best taste of anyone he’s ever met hands down

The books you like, the shows and movies you watch together

Even your music taste

Tate hasn’t liked a single song that’s been released after 1994

Until you handed him a pair of headphones and said you think he’ll like this

You sat him down and listened to the entirety of the black parade by my chemical romance

The whole album

And it changed his whole worldview 

Yet again, one move and you’ve altered his brain chemistry 

Even with other stuff he wouldn’t normally like

He likes it because you like it

He’ll watch Love Island and 90 Day Fiance with you for hours and love every minute of it

He loves feeling close to you, he loves that you want to share things you enjoy with him

He especially loves after a while when you’re starting to get kind of sleepy 

Because you look so soft and adorable like that

But also because he knows he can put his head in your lap and you’ll play with  his hair

You’ll run your fingers through his soft hair and scratch his back

And he feels so close to you

Which is all he ever wants

It’s always going to be you you you

And right now, he has exactly what he wants

[rose-in-a-fisted-glove]

Hi it’s the SU anon here I’m very sorry for how much I upset you, and I seriously wanted to piece tgt what I’m missing from the Jewish viewpoint so I appreciate u still being open to talking to me despite the ignorance. Also disclaimer I’m born and raised in Malaysia so I’ve not met an actual Jew in person until very recently in uni, so all I know is from the messy pile on the internet and I do genuinely learn from ur posts when I see them.

From what I see on ur blog u do show quite a lot of sympathy to the all the cruelty happening in Gaza, but don’t tolerate this being used as an excuse to target Israel/Jewish ppl. I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times, so I think this is the part where I made the most ignorant statement on? After rereading what I wrote it might also have sounded like all Jews hold extremely reactionary views towards the word “ceasefire”? Pls do point out more of what upset u, I take full responsibility for what I said and pls stop this convo at any point if I end up offending u more.

Recognizing that you don't know something is the first step towards fixing it. It's good that you thought on your previous ask and tried to research it! But you're missing an awful lot so let's start from the top.

(As a reminder and so others can seee, here's the original ask)

"Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues. If at any point this question becomes annoying pls ignore.

Anyways so in my college SU meeting recently someone sent in a motion to make an official statement to condemn the war and call for immediate and permanent ceasefire + provide more support to the Jewish and Muslim/Arab students affected by increased hate in the community as well. This sparked a debate among those in attendance and of course there’s a few very pro-Israel voices that insists that a ceasefire will cause Israel to lose all ability to defend itself as well as many pro-Palestine arguments. The motion ended up discarded bc of procedural reasons but as someone who has mostly held a free Palestine view so far and has been hoping for a more inclusive Israel in the future, I don’t understand why stopping a war hurting both sides is taken as an Israel must disappear take by many. I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it, but I really wanna hear ur take as well bc the debate I witnessed brought up very disturbing points that I can’t stop thinking about. Hope this didn’t end up sounding disrespectful and thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

First problem comes right with the opening sentence; "Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues."

Going to random Jews who do not post about the conflict and asking for their "stance" on it is part of a series of antisemitic loyalty tests and is extremely rude on top of it. Furthermore, speaking on Jewish cultures and issues and antisemitism is not the same as being experienced or knowledgeable on international conflicts.

And then your next paragraphs are of course riddled with anti-Israeli biases and examples that you've been listening to/reading propaganda uncritically, such as "wanting a more inclusive Israel" and in your more recent ask saying things like "I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times". So you clearly have a basic lack of knowledge about both Israel and the conflict in general along with Zionism itself.

But, again, that's not an area I talk about much. If any of the folks who do talk about it, see this and want to go into it, please do! Just to repeat here, you shouldn't have been asking me in the first place.

Then, this part here, showed me that you have a history of dismissing antisemitism as Jews being overly sensitive "I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it." And then that was compounded by your closing insult, "thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

And that closing insult told me that I had woefully failed in sharing any information about antisemitism at all. "Sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues". Jewish "viewpoints" and antisemitism are just as important as any other sort of bias. Pointing out antisemitism and sharing stories about antisemitism does not, and can not, undermine other social issues. It is not lesser. Honestly, I'm still kind of livid over that shot.

[lord-squiggletits]

For the Salty Asks (forgive us for the avalanche, if it's too many you can pick your top three): 2, 9, 10, 11, 13 (Optimus), 20, 25 (IDW1), 26

uhhh honestly I feel a bit like a hermit who's out of the loop on what's popular/unpopular so some of these might be completely off the mark but here we go

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Mmmm I think most of my brotp's aren't shipped as OTPs to start with, so I dunno if I have any that fit this question.

Guess the closest example for me would be OPli/ta. I don't actively platonically ship them but I think platonic is way more interesting than romantic. I don't like the fandom's interpretation of romantic O/Plita at all + I feel like as one of the original "token woman" Autobots, I'd like to see Elita unshackled from Optimus as a love interest, esp because any official interpretation of them is probably gonna be written extremely heteronormatively/token romance between an action hero and The Girl. And the fanon version of them that's Strong Independent Girlboss Elita with whipped simp husbnad Optimus is just as boring and gross.

I just don't like the vibes and would rather them have some sort of friendly or regular relationship together.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

IDW1 Slide, who I've gone into detail about my hatred of in several posts, but the TLDR is that she comes off as some kind of mouthpiece character? Not a mouthpiece as in for the author's beliefs, but it literally feels like she only exists to shit on Optimus and call him a piece of shit. Her dialogue is so cheesily written ("literally fascism" is an actual thing she says) and her bitching/lack of cultural comprehension about Cybertronian history is so prevalent, that for a long time during my IDW1 reading I was genuinely confused as to whether she was supposed to be some sort of parody/strawman/mockery of someone IRL (her character comes off almost EXACTLY like an anti-SJW stereotype of a screeching harpy calling everyone she dislikes a fascist, and it's only Barber's very obviously left-leaning writing in other parts of the story that told me that definitely wasn't the intent). So then I was wondering "okay is she gonna like, randomly become evil and turn against the good guys because she's just that petty? I mean she spends all of her time bitching about how Optimus/the Autobots/Cybertronians in general are the worst ever and she also hates humans too so I mean maybe? Half of this story already doesn't make sense so I can see it happening."

Thankfully that didn't happen, but like. Slide is so goddamn annoying and ignorant and gets way too much page time dedicated to her angry monologuing (in Unicron aka the finale of IDW1 there's literally a whole half page panel of her bitching about how Optimus is an evil tyrant while Trypticon is dying behind her and it comes off as a poorly timed, bad taste joke). The narrative treats her like she's some important individual whose feelings are important and valid, but she's fucking annoying. Any sympathy she was meant to garner is canceled out by badly written dialogue and the fact that she's a Literal Nobody of a character who seemingly only exists to bash the decades old, beloved legacy characters. For the sake of, idk, talking about how fucked up Cybertronians are that they just shrug and move on when people die? Bc apparently it's some sort of sin to be numb after 4 million years of war (and war that's literally still ongoing while Slide is bitching) and just soldier on trying to get through it? God forbid that a military hierarchy fighting to keep neo-Decepticons and various other alien threats from colonizing Earth be run like a military in which orders have to be followed, people die, but you still have to keep fighting anyways? Idefk man I just hate Slide so much she's basically the embodiment of all of the bad aspects of Barber's writing personified.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Mutineers arc in MTMTE/LL. I feel like (whether due to early cancellation and/or JRO wasting time on too many side plots to give it its full depth), I dislike how the mutineers were basically boiled down to pure evil morons who are the most disgusting, despicable evil ever and the only reason the mutiny had Good Guys (TM) in it was because they were horribly misled and not because, you know, the mutiny was 100% a valid thing to have happened as retaliation against Rodimus and Megatron's captaincy.

Like, I'm not opposed to the idea of Getaway and his cronies being assholes (I personally thought Getaway was a GREAT slow-burn, puppet master villain/anti-hero), I just dislike how the quality of their writing degraded from MTMTE to LL. Felt like they (Getaway in particular) got passed the Idiot Ball and then the actual reasons behind the mutiny were never addressed, it was kind of just "oh Getaway died horribly so we're all friends now and we forgive each other and Rodimus/Megatron will just go back to being captains now."

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

You mean besides IDW Optimus because anyone who's been on my blog for like 5 seconds knows he's my biggest problematic fave skldfjskd

Uhhh I guess in the spirit of the previous question, Getaway. I feel like the fandom's hatred for him is overblown mainly bc it's a combination of Tailgate/Cyga/te fans going "HE GOT IN THE WAY OF C/YGA/TE AND ALMOST KILLED THAT PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL" and Rodimus or Megatron stans going "Getaway hates my fave?? But my fave is a good captain and deserves the world HE'S EVIL MY FAVORITE IS BEYOND CRITICISM OR REPROACH GETAWAY IS THE EMBODIMENT OF EVIL."

Like to me it seems as if the hate for Getaway isn't normal dislike or even people hating him because he's a well written villain. It feels weirdly like ppl really take Getaway's actions personally and hate him with the kind of passion you normally see reserved for actual real life horrible people. Or they like, see Getaway as an obstacle to [favorite character]'s happiness and not as an individual who, before the quality of his writing tanked, was actually an interesting character who maybe even had good points? It just feels like people mainly hate Getaway because he's the antagonist to more popular characters/ships and so they project their defense of their faves into virulently hating him.

13. Unpopular opinion about (Optimus)?

Honestly 90% or more of the fan content I see for Optimus is really boring/uncompelling to me, or really just comes off as out of character. It's either Optimus being reduced to an accessory to be shipped with someone (usually turned into some sort of moe cutesy uke type) or him being turned into.... idk some permutation of "feral irresponsible gremlin" or "One Of The Good Ones (TM)" or "anxiety-ridden damsel who needs to be rescued by his lover" or, in some circles, "character I project my issues with authority onto and try to frame as evil for things that aren't even evil."

Idk how to specifically describe it, it's just... a vibe? Most of the Optimus content I see doesn't actually feel like him at all. It feels like it's Optimus/Orion in name only, who got so separated from canon and distorted by fanon/flanderization/shipping/porn stereotypes that he now only vaguely resembles the character he's supposed to be.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Ahahaha I don't really go into the realm of pure ships honestly, plus this is the war criminal fandom where pretty much every character has killed people or committed crimes or is just generally scarred by war so uhhh

Idk I think Thundercracker/Melissa is a pretty hinged ship? They get along and cope surprisingly well with all the shit that happens. There's no angst or betrayals or misunderstandings or enemies, they're just very respectfully together. Sdfklsajfksd

25. How would you end (IDW1)/Would you change the ending of (IDW1)?

Honestly, I'm pretty satisfied with the ending of IDW1 on both sides of the story. On Barber's side I would've preferred if every single planet including Cybertron didn't get fucking eaten leaving them all stuck on Earth together, and I would've also kept Trypticon alive while... minimizing Slide's role, to say the least. I don't have a problem with Optimus' ending bc I actually think that Optimus' arc in Unicron is like, one of the few 1000% good things Barber wrote for him it's just. It's pure Optimus in his best form.

On JRO's side I would've cut out the last panel with the alternate Lost Light and left it ambiguous as to whether the quantum jump successfully copied the ship or not. I dislike the vibes of the canon ending that implied that everyone moving on with their lives (almost universally to new and exciting and happier places) was the "sad" ending and going on a permanent road trip is the "true, happy" ending. In the author's notes I think JRO said that he wanted to give the readers an ending that would allow them to imagine their faves continuing to go on adventures, but I think compromising a good ending to a story to appease fans is fucking stupid + fandom has never needed permission or approval from the author to write alternate, happy endings. So why ruin a poignant, melancholy ending about how endings come with new beginnings and sadness/nostalgia can be mixed with hope and happiness by going "sike lol they're all living happily ever after on their space cruise."

Also I wouldn't have randomly killed off Ratchet for no reason because like. What was that even supposed to accomplish. I'm no stranger to writing major character deaths but like. He just fucking died of disease off-screen and that was that??? Why, like what was the narrative/symbolic purpose of that besides just making the ending more sad? Maybe to emphasize how going back to Cybertron was the "bad ending" and the quantum Lost Light is the "good ending" since on the LL Ratchet is still alive? But see the paragraph above for why I don't like that.

26. Most shippable character?

The most shippable character to me is whichever character I think is the sexiest, because if I think they're sexy it makes me want to ship them with everyone. "Guards, fuck that man for me" etc etc. Lmao

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

Character thang: mithrun! And falin:3 if u want

GRINS just doing mithrun for now might rb this later and add on falin thoughts....

favorite thing about them

honestly just his whole arc being a pretty blatant abuse/depression metaphor combined with like. some of the most realistic disabled writing ive seen in fantasy. like i remember reading dunmeshi for the first time and pogging about seeing a character with ptosis because i NEVER see that shit outside of my own ocs and also some of the stuff discussed about him like. having a weird sense of direction (which is partially bc of dungeon lord business but also iirc he is stated to have weird walking/gesture patterns so!) and not really being aware of his own energy or triggers.... like it hits very close to home for me as a chronically fatigued guy with bad balance and bad eyesight and its just really nice to see someone like me portrayed in like. a way which doesnt exaggerate mithrun's disability as laughable or tragic in a very unsympathetic way. like the way the canaries accommodate him and the way his arc finishes up (+ the little chats he has with marcille....) i think its very sweet very comforting. ive just been very into him recently after like. coming to terms with being abused by an ex and going through the whole rollercoaster of emotions that comes with that. like. ughhh. i saw this thread recently and it keeps swimming around in my mind. its good

least favorite thing about them

i guess like the dude's bigotry but considering other chapters in the adventurer's bibble he seems to be self aware of it? its kind of an unexplored facet of him altogether.... and at the same time i think it informs a lot of like. the inherent supremacist ideas elf culture harbors.

favorite line

brOTP

reiterating what i said when i answered these qs with kabru. i think they both have a very funny dynamic that i wouldnt even necessarily describe as platonic or friendly theyre just very good inverse masks of one another.... makes for entertaining scenes in a way i really respect

also as i mentioned i think him and marcille getting to know one another post-story and talking out dungeon lord feelings is nice....

OTP

i think he has more important things to worry about

nOTP

him and kabru. as i said i think its funnier if theyre just two blokes forced to talk to each other. they wouldve never conversed willingly and that makes so many of their discussions interesting....

random headcanon

i think im just too picky about the anime LOL but im not too fond of the voice hes been given based on the previews. they did that breathy anime twink shit to him. i think he sounds like he smokes 20 cigarettes a day personally

unpopular opinion

i think the fact i dont like yaoi with him in it is unpopular enough i feel. oh uh i also think like. the few scenes where he shows off like. genuine bursts of aggression and violence are really fucking interesting and everyones far too keen on dismissing him as like. A Numb Mindless Boytoy like hey. think about this dude for a second as like an individual please.

song i associate with them

SIGH i have so much to say about this one. thats for another day though

favorite picture of them

sketches here are forever lodged in my mind theyre cutes. i like his shitty little ponytail here LOL

[battlinghurricanes]

Fuck it I'm fairy tail posting. I feel like every year or two something will remind me of ft and forcibly drag me back in, and I always hate to bring it up bc I find the series as a whole very frustrating lmao. It's such a feast or famine with fairy tail, it has some really enticing aspects amidst a ton of egregious problems. Like I never made it past the grand magic games arc and I never intend to, beyond cherry picking some later chapters with my faves. And yet, I still like it, and I have a fic I'll be posting hopefully soonish anyway so whatever

Honestly, I think a major reason ft still finds a way to live rent free in my brain is that there is so much material to make headcanons about how magic works. The logistics of any kind of supernatural ability is my favorite part of world building, just conceptualizing every niche and irrelevant way that fantasy powers affect people. And on top of that, the most important magic is dragon based so maybe I never stood a chance. Dragons my beloved.

I have so many totally random ideas about like the physiology of dragon slayer magic and how various characters develop and adapt to different parts of their magic and such. And those add to all my headcanons about backstories and plots and the mostly obscure relationships I like. I will say that fairy tail's greatest genuine strength is its characters and platonic dynamics, which is definitely the main reason I'm attached to it.

I'm kinda debating making a long and scattered rundown of my thoughts bc I don't have the capacity to refine them all in fic or art, but I don't know if it'd be worth the work. For one thing, I can tell a good portion of my takes are super disjointed from the general tastes of the fandom. Zero appeal. Like I could ramble about the scenes that I believe would have benefitted from cannibalism, but I suspect no one wants that. I might do it anyway but who knows

[valleyfthdolls]

id like to say - no pressure if you dont want to answer this. completely fair, i get it. plus this might be incoherent bc its like two am and i have a migraine LMAO

im curious - and just to clarify, this question is coming from another system(haii its cross/x (and roxie!!), weve talked before -w-) - what are your thoughts on plural vanessa/vanny? like, any form. vanessa is plural prior and a headmate is manipulated by glitchtrap. vanny is her headmate (‘reformed’? still messed up?) post-sb. vanessa forms headmates post-sb. glitchtrap is her headmate. etc.

like, do you dislike them due to vanny being evil in-game? do you prefer them if they exclude vanny, or any ‘evil’ headmates? do you like them only if vanny reforms? etc etc, you can go into your own detail, im just trying to think of questions that might make it make a bit more sense, lol.

again no pressure im just thinking abt them and thought yall might have some thoughts -w-

Hi Cross (and Roxie)!! Sorry for the late ass response lmao- y'know how it goes, but I've gotten to it now.

I personally have conflicting thoughts on plural Vanny/Vanessa. Thing is, I think Vanessa is in the position to have formed a system given how she describes her childhood. I think that her being plural prior to the “vannification” as I call it is a good start, but ultimately my big concern- and one I do have while writing Vanny- is that when it simulates or is a mental illness, it pins those symptoms as dangerous or causing violence. That being said, I also feel that there are good ways about it.

Her being an actual system and not becoming one because of Glitchtrap helps. One mistake a lot of people make is making Glitchtrap almost.. "give" her DID.

As for how I think it would work best, I would say something probably akin to my own writing of Vanny, which isn’t me boasting, just that that’s how I think Vanny works best. Basically, I would say that maybe not just one headmate gets manipulated but the whole system, and Vanny is a headmate that split/formed to cope with their situation through a complete and total disconnect from and desensitization to what they’re being made to do. I think that the idea of Vanny being just an “evil alter ego” is a problem for me, and this interpretation (as well as my own writing of her- V.A.N.N.Y- where the V.A.N.N.Y. mask serves as a manufactured persona that serves the purpose of letting Valerie pretend that she’s not herself so she can cope with the fact that she feels she has no choice but to do this) kind of clears that up for me. Bc ultimately alters are people too and portraying them as just the evil ones rubs me the wrong way. So instead of Vanny just being the evil alter ego that people usually write her as when using the DID path, making her an actual alter who has a purpose that’s important to the system and stems from their situation is more realistic and respectful imo.

I think that system!Ness & Vanny would see Vanny being most like a secondary host, fronting to handle the things that Glitchtrap is making them do to provide Vanessa and the others with a mental barrier that allows them to cope with it, with Vanny herself being formed to be detached and apathetic so she can get the job done. Having Vanny as a headmate then be still sympathetic, still redeemable and still a victim of that same abuse clears up a lot of the problems imo, and doesn't paint Ness being a system as the reason for the murders.

That's the route I personally would go- Vanessa is plural prior and Vanny is split thanks to Glitchtrap's abuse to cope. As for the other ones you suggested, I'll run thru my thoughts on those fast too bc genuinely I love plural characters and this concept does have a lot of potential.

Vanessa is plural prior and a headmate is manipulated by Glitchtrap- not too unlike "Vanny splits thanks to Glitchtrap". Has similar potential to me. Vanny is an alter who maybe handles that kind of situation thanks to their dad, which unfortunately places her in Glitchtrap's way. Very cool. Also keeps Vanny feeling realistic and sympathetic.

Vanny is her headmate post-sb- could go either way. I think that Vanny having kind of a slow redemption post-sb as she's released from Glitchtrap's hold and has to find her footing again is interesting, and Vanny being Vanessa's headmate could work for that.

Vanessa forms headmates post-sb- not realistic, however, I do like the idea. Again, it comes from my whole "Vanny is a persona made to distance Vanessa from her crimes" thing. That could form into an alter, if you consider her being "possessed" and how that might fuck with her mind long term. I like this. I really don't mind a bit of well meaning fantasy/sci-fi writing of systems, in fact I think they're fun!

Glitchtrap is her headmate- this is the one I have a problem with, akin to a simple "Vanny is Vanessa's evil serial killer alter". It makes the villain- the murderer- Vanessa's headmate, and by proxy the danger her plurality yk?

In general, I like the idea of well-meaning and informed system Vanessa interpretations, and Vanny being a headmate, but I get picky about the execution. I only like them if Vanny is treated as sympathetic or redeemable, since I think that minimizes the risk of "evil DID" narratives and treats them rather as survivors of abuse who've done really fucking wrong because of it.

This is a lot to take in but that's my thoughts! Thanks for the ask :]

[inflatingnblue]

worried anon here again, but off anon this time bc fuck it, and also if we can’t be open about shit on our kink blogs, where can we??? 💜

I’ve felt and seen how seductive an ED can be; besides my own history of disordered eating and dysmorphia, the love of my life struggles with pretty serious anorexia, and it kills me to watch her be drawn back in again and again by this terrible thing that our culture only perpetuates, even now that she’s years into recovery. When she was at her worst, when she had almost convinced herself that the ED was “working,” she was so miserable and exhausted and listless and angry all the time, and she still hated her body to the point of suicidality. The weight she lost didn’t fix any of it, but it did make her incredibly hard to be around and made her life feel so small that she didn’t want to live it anymore. It makes me sick that the world we live in would rather we hurt and hate ourselves over and over again, systematically denying ourselves the nutrients we need to live, in order to make us think we’re doing right by our bodies and that people will think we’re beautiful. I’m sure you’ve heard all this kind of thing before, just as my fiancée has, from therapists and partners and friends and family and doctors, but I know from my experience that it’s easier to actually start to hear it when you’re not also exposing yourself to pro-ED voices. When I was in high school and at my most mentally ill, I had a whole secret blog where I posted and reblogged self-harm content, so I genuinely do get how that can make you feel less alone. When you’re at your lowest, the most important thing is to not isolate yourself, even if that means you’re in some darker online spaces. Obviously you can and should like whatever posts you want on here, and me and your other followers can easily protect ourselves by blocking pro-ana tags — I guess I just wanted you to know that someone who doesn’t even know you is genuinely worried about you, and hates to see you unable to see how beautiful and valuable you are.

I get the relapsing stuff too; I hadn’t restricted in almost 10 years, but then last December I went through some major life/career/medication changes and gained like 30 lbs in a couple of months, and all the ED and SH voices came right back. The best things I’ve done for myself since then are the simple ones: 1) remind myself that if it was my fiancée feeling this way I would be endlessly telling her how beautiful she is, 2) try to remember that gaining weight isn’t a moral or health failure and is actually a natural part of getting older, and 3) buy myself some cute new underwear and comfy new pants so I didn’t feel horrible every time I tried to get dressed for the day. It’s taken months, and in the mean time I got a new job, this weird old kink of mine resurfaced (possibly as a coping mechanism? idk man, the human brain is wild), and I yanked myself back into a healthier relationship with food and mirrors, but it was and continues to be fucking HARD.

Long story not-so-short, I am really proud of you for making it this far. I am proud of you for being here, and I am proud of every time you push back against those voices, alluring as they might be. Recovery is the toughest, weirdest thing, but it is so worth it. I hope your husband is loving on you lots, I hope you had a wonderful Halloween looking adorable in your Violet costume, and I hope you’ll reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m leaving this as an ask bc I don’t wanna risk making you feel uncomfortable, but feel free to DM me instead of posting/answering it publicly if you’d rather.

💜💜💜

Hello Not So Anon Anymore,

I appreciate you reaching out again and for sharing some of your and your fiancee's stories. One thing I find helpful is hearing about other people's experiences, even if it's not ED related. Hearing how someone has fought and struggled and conquered is good inspiration that maybe not all is lost.

To be honest, I was taken aback by your first ask. When I started reading I was like this person is leaving a compliment, which took a left turn. Not a bad left turn, just an unexpected one. It made me face what I had been doing and it was a good example of how personal struggles don't only affect you.

Oof, I totally understand that crankiness and feeling irritated. I've snapped at people when not meaning to. When you've got a constant stream of thoughts bombarding you it can be easy to lose it, not that it's okay to do so.

Like you said isolation is no bueno. Thinking about my relapse, I did isolate. I'd think maybe I can reach out to a friend, but then I'd stop myself. They've got a lot going on and it always seems like something is wrong when I connect with them, how annoying of me, what a burden. I noticed that no one reached out to me. Not that I was expecting anyone to reach out, but usually friendships go both ways. Both people contact each other and no one did. My ED was like "see, they don't even like you." And that only made the isolation worse.

I also didn't talk to my husband because he had a lot going on and I didn't want to him to try to impede my "progress." Of course I finally told him after several months. He was upset because I wasn't talking to anyone about it, and I don't blame him for feeling that way. Who wouldn't want their significant other to be healthy?

The interesting thing is I was big and I was experiencing symptoms that someone would assume an underweight person faced. I was lightheaded a lot. There were times I wasn't near anything to hold on to so I would crouch to the floor. (I even had a dream of it happening out in public. Tried to will myself to keep walking, but eventually crouched down because I didn't want to fall.) I've never been that lightheaded ever, but I didn't lose much weight when I was younger which is why I never experienced that before. I was scared that my symptoms were increasing in frequency, but at the same time it was a sign that it was "working." I eventually fainted one night. I've never fainted and it was so scary. I didn't even know I had fainted when I first woke up. I literally thought I had somehow fallen out of bed. My memory came back quickly and I couldn't believe I had fainted. Me, overweight, had fainted? I always associated that with those who were underweight, who were actually sick, who actually looked the part of an anorexic. But something that the general population don't seem understand is that it doesn't matter your weight or size - EDs don't discriminate. Starving is starving, regardless of size the body needs energy and when you deplete it the body will respond like a car without gas. It will breakdown.

Also, I totally agree that paying more attention to the bloating and such is a coping mechanism. In a way I think I'm trying to beat "it" first. Like making fun of myself first before someone else can. Making myself big before recovery or my lipedema can. I wish this wasn't such a mind fuck.

I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement. Being vulnerable is challenging and it's brave you decided to not be Anon this time. And same - reach out to talk, even if you'd like to unpack what's going on with your fiancee. I really hope everything works out for you both. 💙

Thanks again.

[maxthesillyy]

Hi I have thoughts that are genuinely crazy, and I think ur the only one who might understand. I've read ur posts on amatonormativity before and they're good, and I was hoping u would have an nuanced answer to this maybe? Anyways my question/ thoughts are abt Warren and how heterosexual his character nd interactions are written. If u dislike Warren and it kinda seems like you do (??), then u don't have to answer this but I'm kinda still asking bc I can't think of any other lis blogger to ask. Anyways I've always disliked how almost every single of his relationships with female characters in the game are written as romantic. He has a crush on Max, Brooke has a crush on him. In Ep. 2 he's hugging/comforting Alyssa when Kate is on the roof and a lot of people in the fandom who hate him interpreted it as cheating/manipulation/romantic . In the alternate uni in Ep. 3 he's in a relationship with Stella and he's holding hands with her. Taylor in the Vortex Club says he's a cutie or something. And all I'm thinking is like: the person who wrote Warren must of forgot that boys and girls can be friends bc why is everything Romantic all the time?? I think the writers genuinely forgot male-female friendships exist. Why didn't they explore Max and Warren genuinely having a sibling-like relationship or somthing? Why can't Warren platonically be friends with Stella? Why can't he idk platonically hold hands with Stella? Like that's a thing. Why can't he just be friends with Brooke? Why can't he platonically hug Alyssa? That is also a thing.. Like I am just so mad, like Why is the writing like this? I know the fandom doesn't like Warren bc he's is a Ugly N*rc Cishet in their eyes, but the whole 'Warren is bad bc He's Male and Str8 and Weird so he must Die' thing isn't even an argument to me. If anything isn't it the fault of the writers that everyone and esp pric3fielders hates Warren for being an 'Evil Straightie'?? Like I think abt this so much it's killing me, what so u think?? I hope this isn't a big ask but did u like ever notice writing flaws abt like relationships in the game?? Do u ever think interactions could have been better in it?? Wanna know ur thoughts bc i actually trust u on a topic like this.

i definitely dont hate warren!! but i also honestly don’t think about him a lot. probably because of exactly what you said— how dontnod wrote him in the most amatonormative, boring way possible.

i feel like a lot of people who hype him up a lot don’t really remember the act the dontnod writers made him play. DEFINITELY NOT saying nobodys allowed to enjoy his character or wish he was better, but just that a lot of his fans act like he was this cute, do-no-wrong, sweetie pie (aka. infantilizing him. another topic another time)— when in reality the dontnod writers just made him this boring, average, slightly ignorant 17(?) year old.

and honestly the more i think about it, the more that sucks a lot!! Warren could’ve had HUGE potential, but it’s all dropped because they were more focused on Max and Chloe’s story.

which, on one hand, kinda fair and understandable considering this is the Max and Chloe game. but on the other hand, really disappointing.

especially because on most playthroughs, people won’t and don’t get at all attached to him because of how he’s just a. Generic Somewhat-Compatible Love Interest so the game has plausible deniability from being straight up gay. Warren’s whole personality is geek who is romantically interested in Max and gets violent once or twice for the plot.

which in the end just means that it’s one less person that makes the ending choice harder. just one less character the majority of players are worried about letting die.

that saying, i don’t think that if Warren was written better then more people would choose the Bay ending, but just that the hesitance would be more intense. which honestly is just as important as the actual choice itself so.

it also just means less interesting character dynamics/development. especially between Max and Warren. like you said, if they had more of a brother-sister dynamic than their “Boy obsessed with girl who’s obsessed with this other girl.” dynamic, then it would’ve meant SO MUCH MORE that Max was starting to drop Warren in favor for her overwhelming paranoid obsession with Chloe being alive.

It also would’ve meant SO MUCH MORE to Max that she sacrificed someone she considered a brother, than just some guy who wanted to date her. The guilt could’ve been even more than what it already is. The missed angst potential is crazy.

OH MY COD— AND IT WOULD’VE HIT SO MUCH HARDER. TO HAVE WARREN ALSO HUNTING MAX DOWN IN THE NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE. Max going through SO MUCH trauma because of the men in her life, she starts to feel like she can’t even trust a guy she considered close enough to be her brother. like i said: the missed angst potential.

PLUS the idea of Warren being “The Big Brother” of the campus is a WAY more compelling and interesting character idea than just an average 17(?) year old boy who really wants a girlfriend.

(something something. people hate fictional annoying characters more than fictional murderers. something something)

and going back on what i said with “Somewhat-Compatible”, Max and Warren’s non-existent romantic chemistry is almost entirely based on telling not showing (ex: the eclipse scene, Max being able to write on his dorm room’s whiteboard, Max SAYING she thinks Warren is kinda cute, etc). not to mention that Warren’s romantic path is 100% completely optional and avoidable, while Max and Chloe’s is basically out of the player’s choice unless they actively hate Chloe or smth.

and im saying that as an active pricefielder. i literally can’t hate Max and Warren’s ship because theres nothing to hate. theres nothing between them besides bland, “they share some of the same interests”, amatonormativity.

which brings me to how absolutely insane a lot of pricefielders are about Warren. it’s kind of like when people hate a girl character because she gets in the way of their MLM ship. except here it’s a poorly written boy and a WLW ship.

i’m also pretty sure Warren gets the same treatment as any other stand in girl love interest— as in im 90% sure the only other boy we ever see him interact with is Nathan. so.

and i definitely do consider myself a pricefielder— i love Max and Chloe’s ship with all of my heart, but some of us are just WAY too much into shipping culture and think every minuscule thing that goes against their OTP needs to be publicly executed. (<- voice of guy who got called homophobic for saying Max and Chloe aren’t canonically girlfriends.)

which, unfortunately, includes Warren, a character who is such an amatonormative nothing-burger that his personality is even easier than Chloe’s to twist into a “evil motherfucker who should die.”

it’s kinda like the post i made today about people hating the poorly written character instead of the author who made them that way. Warren has a lot of potential as a character, and the writers just completely dumped him away in favor for making him Generic Male Love Interest So This Game Isn’t Just The Gay Game.

honestly before this ask, i dont think i ever truly realized the tragedy that is Warren’s missed character potential. so 100% definitely thank you for sending this! i yapped a lot more than i expected