#i might have hurt myself emotionally while drawing

[fosermi]

I just wanted some hurt/comfort. What better way to achieve that than the Sacrificed Chaos AU.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[triangle-tumor-manifesto]

My nickname is Silver Cipher.

I am 19 years old, and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage 4 Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma of the Appendix. My dream is to have Alex Hirsch sign my cancer journal.

Gravity Falls has been a huge help since the release of The Book of Bill, and has been a huge comfort to me during my cancer fight. It has helped me emotionally more than I can express. The idea came from one of my friends, who drove to meet me before even knowing my name. They suggested I try to get a signature from Alex Hirsch. This is just a brief summary of my story that I would love to share with you all.

I meant for this to be an incredibly put-together message, but “Nothing in life makes sense, so you might as well make nonsense!”

Ford’s fight with Bill hits so goddamn hard. Chemo has just carpet-bombed my memory to the point where I completely black-out at times. During my 72-hour straight IV drip, I wake up to finding stuff I’ve done that I would NEVER do. I wrote things that I would never write. I drew things that I would never ever draw. The most notable drawings I have done are focused around the Eye of Providence and are surrounded—from top to bottom—by code I am still deciphering. This is terrifying to me and makes me feel like a spectator in my own body. Every single time it happens, it always takes me off guard no matter how prepared I think I am…

Chemo Me VS Regular Me Art (think you can figure out which is which??? -△)

However, the reason why I’m not quite as paralyzed with fear as I was is that whenever shit hits the fan, as embarrassing as it is to admit, to comfort myself I think about Stanford Pines. I think about how at the end of a long and hard battle with something indescribably wicked, he learned to trust people and got the support he needed. The path he treaded was full of pain, blood, and tears but he made it. The survival rate for my stage of cancer is catastrophically low on paper, but 6 is my lucky number. You can guess the reason, or I seriously question how you got into Gravity Falls in the first place!

I live and breathe this show, I live and breathe what Stanford Pines has gone through. I just need to make it past Weirdmageddon.

We appendix cancer patients have this crazy surgery which is known in the medical community as the “Mother of All Surgeries.” Most surgeons refuse to attempt it because of a lack of proven studies due to how few of us there are and how little research there is. The small sample size often causes it to be considered a crazy borderline pseudoscience! But it works. I know this because every Appendix Cancer survivor I met at our Pseudomyxoma peritonei (it’s shortened to PMP) Pals group introduces themself and then says that they owe their new lengthened life to as I like to put it, “Our Surgeon Soulmate”. This is my Weirdmaggedon.

HIPEC (the aforementioned surgery, Hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy) involves cutting open the sternum to the groin, scooping out every single organ that isn’t necessary for survival, filling the space with liquid chemo, and then sloshing you around a little on the table so it all sets in (like a little cancer smoothie). Then they’ll drain it all out, sew you up, and wake you up. (I drew Ford doing it while on chemo—you can see it in the Imgur link-I also have zero memories of this, and it's hilarious-you gotta laugh at the pain or you will cry) The only way to relieve the crippling pain besides exceeding a survivable dose of painkiller is to get up. You have to get up and walk—I mean laps around the ICU. I’ve done it. The laps at least. All the hundred-some people at the conference have. It hurts like crazy but the only way to get better is to fight through it. It's either fight or die.

Welp! There’s your summary of puppet hour with Silver, and my own personal metal plate.

I have the proof to back this up, as I have been living with this since my diagnosis in March. Knowing all of you, some of you may have taken “Trust No One!” to heart, which is legitimate for a post like this. This was just a brief summary of my story that I would love to share with you all. I've censored my personal information, and pictures I'm sending, as well as my face and my father's face. I'm also adding some of the art that I've done on chemo.

PROOF: https://imgur.com/a/ljb98NL

Attached is all the preliminary proof I’m willing to let anybody and everybody see. It’s a mix of identity-confirming photos, people I care about, art that I made while on chemo to help get me through it, proof of my hospital stays and pictures of me during hospital chemo, as well as a picture of myself on chemo simply so you can see how much it takes out of me from those early on photos of me from my tumor removal surgery to today. That was round six. Now I’m in the middle of round twelve: my last one. Before my final battle with Cipher, I’m hoping I can get my personal chemo Journal signed by Hirsch, at the very least. And if the guy wants to join the stream and hear my pretty decent Ford impression, well…who am I to complain? Alex if you're reading this, even if you can’t sign my book, I’d love for you to read the journal entry I wrote addressed to you. I sent my friend Alia to NYCC with a cut-out journal page for you to sign, with this letter to be read, but it didn’t end up working out. Even so, it would mean so much to me if it made it to you somehow.

Hopefully, this gets a shitload of views and reposts that find their way to Alex. As a bonus (some of you are going to adore this) I am going to link a Twitch fundraiser for Appendix Cancer in the post as well, and do a live stream of an ENTIRE reading of a Mystery Fanfic with me as Ford and an absolutely amazing Bill impersonator- @weasel!!! @_<;;! I bet you are so curious, knowing this server. “Come on Fordsy, don’t you want to take my hand? Just say the word!”

Art done by @🐔mother hen goblin🐔

We had this art piece made to promote the stream! Heed the warnings! Also, depending on the VA's endurance, I will also host an open mic for people to share their love of Gravity Falls and their reasoning for helping me.

The Twitch stream will begin on △ 10/26/2024 6:00PM EST.

△ If you cannot make this-never fear! It will all be recorded for your future viewing pleasure. This exact time is subject to change, please check back the day of to make sure that this stays the same.

Twitch Stream Link: triangle_tumor - Twitch

Donation Link: https://pmppals.net/silvers-triangle-tumor/…

I hope to see as many of you as possible present in the stream. This fanfiction means so much to so many of us. Both Bill and Ford's relationship in canon and especially in this fic encapsulates the visceral horror, suffering, and trauma that comes with going through chemo and beating the ⭐⚡#💀＄out of the triangle tumor. I am also getting OFFICIALLY endorsed by r/Gravity Falls as well as PMP Pals (An Official Appendix Cancer Organization) for this fundraiser.

I cannot tell you how absolutely hyped I am for everything going down.

Pleasepleaseplease join the stream if you can, and for SURE blow up this Reddit post! Thank you all so much for being a part of this and helping me through my fight.

Ad Astra Per Aspera

Silver Cipher △

P.S. FUCK Cancer

SOCIALS/OFFICIAL ACCOUNTS

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Triangletumor

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/triangletumormanifesto/?next=%2F

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/triangle_tumor

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TriangleTumorManifesto

[satohqbanana]

This post is not going where you think it is. I won't tag this as a vent post, as I want to use this opportunity to ask for some help and advice, since I am emotionally overwhelmed.

First off, I want to acknowledge Naveena's @thecomfywriter message. Thank you if you think of me that way. I just want to be helpful to the writers who I have added to my list of friends mentally, and whose works I support. I want to help them know if something works or appeals to me, and help them understand better about their works. I'm glad that my presence is appreciated.

But full disclosure: This message has jumpstarted a lot of negative feelings in me.

Like @wyked-ao3 mentioned, not all days are good days. On the good days, I find joy in other's works. I strive to see the positives of every post I am tagged in or am interested in; I strive to understand a lot of these works as best as I could, to what extent of time and effort I can spare. Sometimes, these works even push me out of my no-talk like-only phase because they're just so enjoyable for me.

But on the bad days, I just really see more negative things than good. I try to resist what could be nitpicking, and the things that turn me away from a piece.

Certain pieces have been lovingly shared with me. This as a privilege and I acknowledge it as such. Your works are your babies. You look forward to my feedback and/or our interaction. You have chosen me to personally look at your work and enjoy it with you.

But like I said before, the way that society evolved, there's simply no room for a lot of negatives, for a lot of "I don't like this" or "I'm not sure about this" without it being associated with "I hate this", "I hate you", or the worst of them, "DON'T you EVER write/draw/create EVER again!" I fully understand that our emotions can be out of control - we can't help but feel what we feel.

And sometimes I can't help but feel not good or not satisfied towards someone's work. And it's worst when it's been presented to me in a golden platter with an earnest heart and eyes filled with glee. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to be true to myself and honest with the other person, without hurting them? Is it possible for me to do this in a way that doesn't hurt them?

You might suggest, "Why don't you just like the post? How about reblogging it without commenting to increase engagement?" I'm worried that the person who I will treat that way will see my hype and comments on other people's post. I'm worried that the person whose work I didn't really enjoy will get envious of these other people and feel contempt towards me. And I just simply skip over their post, can you imagine how bad it must feel to be ignored while seemingly everyone else is being celebrated? True, in other platforms like AO3, we can't actively see this sort of interaction, but on Tumblr where a lot of people are common mutuals, this can spell social disaster.

Psychology says we evolved to display emotions in certain ways for better communication. In that case, what do you suggest we can do to healthily and successfully communicate "I don't like this" and similar sentiments?

(Before that, let's celebrate me getting to the end of this post without crying. YAY! Baby steps to healthy communication BABY!)

[hrts4rn]

I’ve been holding onto something for a long time, but today I feel like it’s time to let it out—both to help myself and maybe to help someone else.

Exactly a year ago, I hurt myself with bigger intentions for the first time. I was exhausted, feeling alone and misunderstood. It felt like my life had become one tragedy after another, and I thought it was all my fault.

This all started days before my birthday, a time when I’ve always felt especially vulnerable. The holidays had just ended, and the combination of entering a new year and a new age weighed heavily on me. I come from a family that has raised me with love, adoration, and constant reminders of how proud they were of me. They’ve always been my biggest support, never saying no to me. It felt like I had the dream life, a privilege that many don't get. But suddenly, it felt like they had emotionally abandoned me, leaving me to deal with my internal struggles alone.

I’ve never had access to therapy, so I can’t say for certain if I was ever in danger, if I was mistreated, or if something is truly wrong with me. I can’t label what I went through as abuse or emotional neglect, and I wouldn’t want to diminish the experiences of those who face clinical depression or anxiety. However, since I was 11 years old, I’ve often prayed not to make it to the next year. I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that vulnerability.

I often joke about having seasonal depression, or about being the oldest daughter in a Mexican household where self-reliance is expected. I laugh about “mommy and daddy issues” and how I’ve been bullied my whole life for not raising my voice. I even laugh at how people joke about my sensitivity, even though deep down, I wonder if there's more to it.

Growing up, I always felt different, but I can’t say for sure that something is wrong with me because I don’t have the resources to confirm it. My family noticed this difference too, and I’ve come to believe it might be genetic. Still, the people I loved and trusted the most turned their backs on me, called me a liar, and said they were ashamed of me and the things I said. To this day, I don’t believe I was lying. I know what happened, and while I may have overreacted and made mistakes, I had reasons for feeling the way I did. I was just a child. I’m still young, still learning, and I apologize for how I acted, but I also know that if someone had believed me, things could have been different.

I needed my parents to hear and trust me like they always said they would, but they didn’t. If they had, maybe I wouldn’t have reacted with such panic and desperation. Maybe we could have found a solution together. But that didn’t happen, and I grew increasingly frustrated. My friends weren’t there for me either. Whenever I tried to talk about what I was going through, they either responded with empty sympathy, made fun of it, or ignored me altogether. Some even called me dramatic. I don’t blame them. I was just a teenager, and so were they. I couldn’t expect them to fix me, but what I needed more than anything was support.

There were days when I didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to eat—all I wanted was to be hugged. I believe a single hug could have made all the difference. I remember the first few days after I hurt myself. I showed my mom my wrists, and she didn’t notice. I wore short sleeves to school, and no one said a thing. A few days before, I had gone to a Melanie Martinez concert, which had been one of the reasons I didn’t try anything earlier when I was eleven. I wore a bunch of bracelets I got from the concert to cover up the scars, and you can even see them in photos from that time.

The day it happened, I was drawing—the drawing you see in this post, actually—and I suddenly felt like I was losing my mind. I could hear people laughing, like a strange hallucination. I went to the bathroom and grabbed whatever I could to hurt myself. Afterward, I saw what I had done, and it hit me. I started shaking, cleaned the scratches as best I could, and went back to finish the drawing. I don’t know the exact day, but I wrote the 24th on it, and here we are now, a year later.

For days afterward, I felt strange—just like I do now. I heard people say cruel things, laughing and joking, even teachers being disrespectful. It made me wonder: would they have treated me differently if I had gone through with it? Would they have learned to be more empathetic, to respect sensitivity? Or would they have just mocked me even more for being vulnerable?

I could have left a year ago. A whole year ago.

What hurts me the most isn’t the way I’ve changed, because I think that all the pain I went through over so many years—the pain that led me to do what I did—has forced me to see the cruelty in people and not live in a bubble of good things. But I do mourn for the person I was last year, the person who came so close to what she had always wanted, only to lose it because of the emotional turmoil she was going through.

In 2022, I spent the whole year praying for certain people and friends to leave my life because I knew they weren’t good for me. I prayed to get into a relationship, to feel comfortable in my own body, to do well in school—all the things we all want. And I got it all. Within just a few months, my life started to change. I felt better. I even remember waking up two days before it all happened and thinking, "This is it." I was healing. I had friends, I almost had a girlfriend, I was comfortable with myself, and my grades were great.

But now, I wonder if deep down I already knew I was going to try to end it. Maybe that’s why I felt so good and so calm, because I thought it would finally be over.

Regardless, I’m here to say this: Your inner battles and struggles are valid, even when the scars have faded, even when no one noticed, even if the wounds weren’t that deep or if they were emotional instead of physical. Your pain, your trauma, your anger—they’re all valid. You are allowed to feel pain, to mourn the loss of who you were or who you could have been. It’s not your fault.

I’m sorry that the people who promised to be there for you weren’t. I’m sorry they didn’t believe you, didn’t hug you, didn’t apologize. You are allowed to be angry, to cry, to feel sad. You’re allowed to find some strange comfort in that sadness, in that pain. It’s not your fault.

I wish I could tell you that it gets better and the pain eventually stops. But now, I realize something more accurate—it never fully stops. But it does get better, even if just for moments. And eventually, you learn how to heal on your own. You start recognizing when you’re falling into that dark place, and you figure out how to pull yourself out.

You are not alone. Your pain is valid, even when it’s no longer visible. I love you, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. But I have faith that it will get better for us, even if it takes time.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

little brain wiring things ✨

i helped plan a party that we decided to throw together last second. It was a fairy themed garden party with a planned mini-concert. The concert had a $5 cover that would be donated to a trans mutual aide fund. it was just supposed to be a house party that was also a nice little community event on my friend's lawn.

my friend knows that i smoke to manage my joint pain and i have very specifically, and clearly, been given blanket permission to smoke on the property because they know me, i can handle myself, and again. it's not just recreational, even if other people (not my friend) think so based on the amount i fucking smoke.

the group of friends i have rn have never made me feel judged or wrong for this, which is extremely important to me bc this is an extreme source of shame for me that i'm still working on unpacking bc of the way I was raised.

anyways, there was a miscommunication where I was not told about this being a dry & sober party, which meant that It was NOT on the invitation that I made and was sent out to a few friend groups, who all did show up with alcohol. I also was not told about 1 of the 3 organizers wanting the event to be dry/sober until I arrived at the house with food, decorations, ect at 3:30 day of, so I couldn't make alternative arrangements.

but i had already like. made specific ones to smoke discreetly regardless bc i'm not an asshole. i use a vape if we are somewhere people might catch a glimpse of me. so this also had me frustrated with the interaction that i was going to have later. like i would have gotten some edibles or smth bc i knew my pain level was gonna be high from how busy the day would be.

it was really fucking hot, I have pretty bad heat intolerance already from disabilities, but also am on medications that make it harder to handle the heat. I had been overheated for 6 hours at that point, had been on my feet for most of it, and like. again. i helped organize the event, so i was there early for set up.

my friend whose house it was at is VERY good about understanding my disability and i cannot stress enough that they're like. 10/10. no judgement. they let me stay inside while people were setting up outside bc they believed me when I told them how sick I get. since i couldn't do anything outside, I set things up inside (food, cleaning, getting garbage) and made sure to clean up after the people who had come over early to hang out inside moved outside.

so i was tired. my hips were fucking hurting. i made an ice pack with the decision of going out and sitting on the lawn to draw and chill. to paint an image, we are all out on the lawn. people are clearly drinking. i'm minding my business, had just finished doing a puff-puff-pass with my vape that INCLUDED ONE OF THE OTHER EVENT ORGANIZERS. and again, i was just smoking a fucking vape.

this group of people all arrived together after we had been out on the lawn smoking and drinking for 15-20 mins. This child fucking zeroed in on me and just came over to me to tell me the event organizers said this was a sober event.

again, people were drinking. and i,,,,helped organize shit. i have a hard time emotionally regulating when I'm overheated like. I cannot handle too hot, it overwhelms me and i get overstimulated VERY quickly. which means i'm more emotional when dumb shit happens

it was such a small fucking interaction, but I heard this child like 5 mins later return to their group and loudly talk about how they had told the friend whose house it was and my friend covering my ass by saying "oh, it was for inside, only. outdoor isn't dry c:"

i was already not feeling the vibe. i felt really alienated earlier bc it's hard to connect with neurotypicals and i don't do well interacting with people in group settings once the numbers get too large. the house also was still empty bc my friend is moving in, so the sound echo inside was SO bad. i had nowhere to go to just let my senses calm tf down, my AC in my car doesn't work when the humidity is this bad, and i just

i a party i helped set up, decorate, and even provided foood for, and cried the entire way home and i feel like such a fucking dumb lmao

I just felt incredibly alienated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. and i had already felt uncomfortable prior to this incident. there were a lot of people there i didn't know who were writers, but neurotypical. i was struggling to process anything anyone said bc of how loud it was inside, which was making me come off as extremely rude. i had someone tell me they were too intimidated to talk to me based on my appearance, but we had a lovely one on one and they realized i'm just very quiet.

and i can't fucking talk about where the root of THAT specific problem is bc we can't have a fucking conversation about desirability, beauty, and femininity without the "oh it must suck to have pretty privilege" bullshit. it's really fucking frustrating when you present as hyper femme, but are viewed as standoffish/bitchy simply bc you didn't accompany the hyper femme aesthetic with being overly bubbly, friendly, and social to accommodate for other people's own discomfort from your presence. like you have to make up for their perception of you by performing approachability.

i also hate the way people view weed vs alcohol. i hate that i'm made to feel this way for something that helps me manage a condition that i cannot get medical help for. it used to be the only thing i had for my fucking endometriosis pain, too, when i still had my uterus.

all those people were around the lawn drinking recreationally, but I got zeroed in on. while i was just trying to fucking bring my baseline pain back down bc i didn't realize how high it had gotten from being on my feet all day.

i'm just. frustrated. i don't even know what the fuck the crux of it is.

[bosstoaster]

How do you write long stories? Like, 20k+ ? I always have these grand ideas of how I'd like to write a fic that carries grander themes, like a plot against someone that's investigated or a slow burn romance literally anything that feels like it needs to be long to match the content? Like a 5k murder mystery would be over so quickly it'd lose impact? But I can never find the words or inspiration for what should happen in all the "in-between" moments. I can think of things for the beginning and end and a couple of scenes in the middle and it all comes out to about 8-10k. And I can never think of what to put between those scenes. I've got so many disjointed fics I've written over the years that have remained drafts because I don't know how to elevate them from scenes into stories? The pieces don't fit well enough together to turn it into something more epic. It remains a small fic :/ Any advice at all on this? I remember you saying a rough word count of all your fics combined over the past couple years and being flabbergasted by the number. Extraordinary. I'd love to be able to write long fics 🙏 sorry for the ramble!

(Current total AO3 word count is just over 2.75 million words, which doesn't count the 350k-ish in drafts, or fics on account accounts. But anyhow.) I had the same problem for a really long time, actually! Like, genuinely a decade of fic writing through middle and high school. The answer might be different for different people, but one thing really changed the game for me.

Outlines. Outlines are essential for longer stories, by my book.

What I do is I have an idea for a fic, usually a scene or like, an image of a ~vibe.~ From there I ask myself the first question. What do I want from this? Is it a cute romcom situation? Is it a sexy horror story about taming a monster? Is it a surrealist horror story? What do I want someone else to feel when reading this?

When I have that answer, I can answer the next questions: is this an AU or a canon fic? An AU means that your first chapter is probably going to be setting up the differences from canon. Canon means you have to tell your readers when we are in canon and set up how we got to the Situation (or jump into it, if you're feeling spicy.)

With that answer, we have an approximate starting location. It's fic, so we know where your audience is. How do we get from there to what you want to write about? What needs to happen for your fic to occur? For example, in my vampire fic, step one was turning/killing Dave. Okay, so you have your fic in a state where you're ready to run wild with your premise. Here's the actual meat of your questions.

How do I determine what goes in between the start and the scenes I want to write?

Usually one of a few ways

What needs to occur to get to the scenes I want to write? What makes the characters act in a way I want them to, but isn't out of character? Do they need to be hurt? Emotionally compromised? Worn down? How does THAT happen?

What makes logical, in character sense for the characters to do? Given any of the scenes and conflicts you have planned, what would be their next move/concern?

What SLAPS? What scenes add to the feeling I want the audience to have? For example, if this is a rom com, what scenes would make it clear they should get together, or would work well emotionally? If it's a cozy mystery, what clever things does the main character notice that tell you more about the weird cast of suspects? If it's a horror, what makes the situation more tense?

The point of an outline is literally to fill in these gaps. And there's no stress! You can change stuff or ignore it down the line. You're just drawing a basic map for yourself to know the directions you need to go. Just put down ideas, and if they don't work, erase it and try again.

Many vary a lot in length depending on how much detail I already have in my head, how long the fic is, and how complex the story will be. The Vampire sequel outline is six pages long (very long), while most of them are a page or so.

Here's the vampire sequel outline, speaking of. For that, what I had at the start was a) the boys testing what it means to be a vampire and b) Vamp kidnapping Dave. That's all. The rest I made up during the outline.

Without outlines, I would have no idea where I'm going in a fic, so I'd get through what I had then stall out and get writers block and dither and run in circles and eventually give up.

Respect the power of the outline.

[haydenigmatic]

Since I'm feeling a little evil I have an angsty hypothetical ask😈. How would the Ros react if they got married to the mc and they were both super in love

Only for the mc to pretty much ditch them when the mc gets married to someone else. The mc never spends time with them anymore, it's very affectionate ect and very obviously prefers the new person they married 😭

GOOD I LOVE ANGSTY ASKS, THIS WAS SO HEART WRENCHING TO WRITE

ODETTE::

Her heart would shatter in the wake of such a heart-wrenching turn of events. Her once-idyllic love story would be tarnished by the painful reality of feeling abandoned and replaced. While her compassionate nature might initially lead her to suppress her own hurt in favour of supporting MC's choices, the stark contrast in their interactions and the palpable affection MC shows to the new spouse would leave her feeling devastated. Odette would grapple with a tumult of emotions – betrayal, insecurity, and a profound sense of loss. Despite her inner turmoil, she might summon her strength to maintain a composed facade, but the weight of unrequited love and the longing for the connection they once shared would be an ache that lingers deep within her. She would likely confide her turmoil to her journal, the ink capturing the rawness of her emotions in eloquent prose, a private refuge for her shattered heart.

"Love can be a beacon that guides us through the darkest storms, yet when that light fades, it leaves behind a shadow of what once was. My heart, though tested by the tides of change, shall forever remember the love we shared, even if it now feels like a distant echo in the winds of time." 😭

NESRIN:

She would initially mask her hurt and confusion, drawing upon her ability to conceal emotions. While she might maintain her composed exterior, the sharp glint in her eyes might reveal the turmoil within. Privately, she would analyse the situation, questioning her own role and importance in MC's life. Her strategic mind would kick into overdrive as she considers potential motives behind MC's behaviour, meticulously weighing the implications for their relationship. In a moment of vulnerability, she might confront MC discreetly, her voice a mix of controlled disappointment and raw honesty. Her words would be chosen carefully, expressing the depth of her feelings and seeking an explanation for the sudden shift. Nesrin's actions would reflect her determination to understand the situation, and while she may not show it openly, the pain of being sidelined would linger beneath her graceful facade.

"In the intricate dance of power and affection, my steps falter as I find myself relegated to the shadows, watching a symphony of hearts unfold. Tell me, my love, was I but a pawn in this grand design?"😔

VERENA:

Verena would initially mask her pain behind a façade of indifference, her pride preventing her from revealing her true emotions. Internally, a whirlwind of emotions would stir - hurt, betrayal, and a sense of abandonment. Her sharp mind would analyse the situation, identifying the political motivations and potential threats. However, her calculated demeanour might waver as she witnesses MC's affection for the new spouse. She would confront the MC with a mixture of coldness and vulnerability, her voice laced with a hint of bitterness. Her words would hold a subtext of hurt, reflecting her struggle to reconcile her love for MC with the reality of their changed dynamic. As a response, she might distance herself emotionally, rekindling her own political alliances and subtly asserting her independence, refusing to be overshadowed (returning to being the old Verena).

"I see you've found a new favourite pastime, my love. I hope this arrangement serves your ambitions well." 🤧

JASIRA:

Her heart would shatter as the painful reality sinks in. Her once unbreakable bond with MC, now her spouse, feels like a distant memory. The affectionate gestures and intimate moments they once shared are replaced by the cold emptiness of neglect. Jasira's strong-willed nature would initially drive her to confront the situation head-on, questioning MC's actions and seeking answers. Fuelled by a mix of hurt and determination, she might express her feelings of abandonment, refusing to be sidelined. However, she would soon realize that her efforts fall on deaf ears, as MC's focus remains firmly fixed on their new spouse. Struggling to reconcile her feelings, Jasira might withdraw emotionally, her once passionate love turning to a simmering mix of resentment and sadness. Her pride might keep her from begging for attention, yet her heart longs for the return of the affection she once cherished. With a heavy heart, Jasira could find herself at a crossroads, torn between the love she still holds for the MC and the need to prioritize her own well-being and happiness.

"Love that fades so easily was never love at all. Your affections may wane, but my strength remains unshaken. I won't linger in the shadows of your neglect, for I am worth far more than an afterthought."😤

SORIN:

Her heart would shatter as she witnesses MC's affection and attention shift towards their new spouse. A complex mix of hurt, confusion, and disbelief would cloud her expressive green eyes. Her instinctive reaction might be to withdraw, her walls of self-preservation rising higher than ever. She'd struggle with a whirlwind of emotions, torn between confronting the situation and maintaining her pride. Yet, in the quiet solitude of her thoughts, Sorin would grapple with the heartache of feeling replaced, a stark contrast to the once-unbreakable bond they shared.

"Love's betrayal leaves scars deeper than the past. I've learned the price of vulnerability, and I won't surrender my heart again to a fleeting promise." 😠

AURELIA/N:

Aurelia/n's heartache would be palpable as s/he navigates the painful reality of her/his beloved MC's shifting affections. Concealing her/his inner turmoil behind a composed facade, s/he'd continue to carry out her/his duties with unwavering determination. In private moments, her/his eyes might betray the longing s/he feels, and bittersweet smiles would replace the once joyful ones. Her/his conversations with the MC could subtly echo her/his sadness, veiled by a facade of understanding. Despite the ache, Aurelia/n's resilience prevails, allowing her/him to maintain her/his strength and dignity even as her/his heart remains quietly shattered.

"A heart once cherished can't help but ache in the shadows of change." 😥

DORIA/N:

S/he, once deeply in love and now heartbroken, confronts the painful reality with her/his signature stoicism masking a whirlwind of emotions. Underneath her/his tough exterior, resentment simmers as s/he grapples with the overwhelming sense of abandonment. Her/his cynicism intensifies, distrust now colouring her/his view of love. In her/his anguish, s/he adopts a veneer of indifference, determined to protect herself from further hurt. The torment drives her/him to seek solace in fleeting affairs, a tumultuous attempt to cope and perhaps evoke a reaction from MC. A mix of bitterness and longing taints her/his actions, as s/he battles the raw ache of being replaced, her/his heart shattered by the one who was meant to mend it.

"You made a grand show of love, only to trade me like a pawn in your royal game. I should have known affection was just another mask you wear." 😒

HANNIEL:

He would be deeply devastated and heartbroken if he found himself in a marriage with MC, where their once strong love and connection seemed to diminish. His sense of loyalty and unwavering affection for MC would make the situation all the more painful. While he would try to maintain his composed exterior, internally he would be struggling with a whirlwind of emotions. He might feel a mix of confusion, hurt, and a profound sense of loss. His innate sense of self-worth might take a hit as he questions why MC's affection seems to have shifted. He might quietly observe from the sidelines, struggling to reconcile his feelings with the reality of the situation. His sentimentality could lead him to hold onto cherished memories of their past, and he might express his emotions through bittersweet conversations or subtle gestures, desperately longing for a rekindling of the deep bond they once shared.

"I thought our love was a promise, not a fading dream."🥺

DAMON:

Damon's heart would shatter as he witnesses the love he thought was unbreakable crumble before his eyes. He'd be torn between hurt and confusion, struggling to comprehend the sudden distance. Though devastated, he wouldn't give up easily. Damon's determination would drive him to confront MC, seeking answers and fighting for their connection. He'd pour his heart out, expressing his pain and reminding them of the profound bond they once shared. While facing the reality of MC's choices, Damon's love would remain unwavering, and he'd persistently strive to rekindle what was lost, refusing to let go without a fight.

"Love doesn't vanish like a fleeting shadow. Our bond was built on something real, something deeper than passing fancy. I refuse to believe that what we shared has lost its spark. I'll stand in the storm if I must, fight against whatever stands between us. No matter the odds, I won't let go, because my heart is tethered to yours, and I'll fight until it beats as one again."😟

[mobydingus]

Hii um, really sorry about bugging you but I was scrolling through tags and I saw that you drew lovely Nathan and Leslie work a while back; I'm wirting a huge personal AU and one of the subplots is her breaking Nathan out of camp so they can do a world domination thing lol

I've never seen any headcanons of them ever so it's super hard to wirte (even if it is just for myself, but I love over analyzing both of them) so I was wondering if you had any cools ones that you're comfortable with sharing?? I'm really really sorry if this is random, from a random user but I'm just so content starved and your art on here is so comforting and I love the scene one so so much!!!!

So um, if you can please tell headcanons >⁠.⁠<

wow i really appreciate that! i have a few, nothing too exciting. im not sure if you meant for them interacting or independent headcanons but ill say what i remember. it might be a longer response than you asked for LOL

for more technical ones:

i headcanon that nathan knows at least a little about how leslie works as a robot so if she gets hurt he can help fix her (but hes no robotics engineer so he cant do much about major damage). i also think that she can continue to mimic voices (like when she pretended to be president). she can use this to help herself or nathan (usually blackmail) but she also uses it to taunt nathan (for example, mimicking jimmy to piss nathan off). i also think leslie can change her body temperature from colder than a human to scalding hot (sometimes not on purpose, if she isnt working properly she might overheat which could damage her). i always imagined that there was some sort of underground facility (i wanna draw this but lazy) where she went to recharge, but thats one of my more fantastical headcanons. i personally think she didnt have parents or a house to live in (only a facility) but thats just me. i imagined that after leslie died, nathan recuperated and went to the crime scene or wherever her body was held and either: a. she showed signs of being functional, so he broke her out. or b. assumed she was completely dead/a lost cause and left her there (and she was still alive but wasnt capable of showing signs). both are fun ideas . i imagine that nathan diverted a great deal of his savings from drug-dealing to help repair leslie if he had saved her.

as for their relationship, in my headcanon:

neither of them will admit that they care about one another, even though they do. leslie doesnt admit it because she thinks that being emotional could compromise her rational thinking. nathan does not admit it because i dont think hes ever admitted any true feelings of appreciation or friendship for anyone lol. he would not do anything that might make him emotionally vulnerable (not that hes really conscious of this).

they both taunt eachother and can be meaner than they intended to. they both have a habit of lying to others in canon, so i imagine they still do that.

from a rational standpoint, leslie considers nathan an important asset and his ability to keep quiet about important (and unethical) things makes him valuable for secret operations. from a not-so-rational standpoint, she appreciated his different approach to life and the fact that he is not phased by leslies bizarre nature (the way she acts when she drops her act of being some innocent kid). she has grown fond of him in a way that i believe resembles an unspoken friendship.

nathan first considered leslie as another person to harass, but after being "employed" by leslie, he began to actually appreciate her, and its probably the first time a girl did not instantly hate or pity him. he probably has some sort of crush, but maybe not because leslie is crazy. he also thinks leslie is scary (but so do most people who have dealt with her "mask-off"). i think nathan likes leslie more than leslie likes nathan, but nathan is the first person she goes to if she has a problem, so they are dependent on each other at least a little.

thank you for your ask. hope it wasnt too much of an answer

[the-mandawhor1an]

Another ramble post + a rant

As some might have noticed, my uploads for Maia's story have slowed down. I'm still tweaking stuff for the next chapter, writing an Interlude, and drafting a few interesting scenes for the next chapters. I have to spread out the uploads due to multiple reasons. One being that the source material aka the roleplay is progressing a lot slower than a fic chapter is written and I don't want to be stuck by the end of the year. The way it is now, I can update you guys weekly and it feels like I'm making good progress. But no more biweekly chapter uploads.

I am in a bit of a pickle, beause I kind of want to address something that bothers me but I don't want to come off like a bitch in doing so. Heavily emotionally loaded rant underneath the cut.

I've not recieved much feedback as of yet. That's totally fine, I wasn't expecting to 'go viral' or anything, to be honest I'm surprised the story gained tracktion so quickly in the first place. I'm not complaining. if it comes off like that, I'm sorry. I guess I can't express myself all too well about certain things. I'm glad there's people out there that tag along while the story isn't completed yet. Every interaction means a lot to me. I love each and every one of you.

One of the feedbacks unfortunately was criticism on Din's behavior in chapter 4. While the criticism didn't come from a place of malice and I've talked it out with them, it stuck with me. And to be honest, it's been plagueing my mind ever since.

No one needs to be bad-mouthed here. I don't hate said person, I don't want them to get shit-talked for it. It wasn't meant to be hurtful, but ultimately it hurt. It was a bad mixture of my inability to handle criticism and some bad wording.

Writing is my hobby. It has been like that since before I was really active on the internet. Feels insane to say that but it's the truth. The internet isn't that old. Most of us probably had a relatively internet-free childhood.

My job is demanding mentally. I'm an engineer and some days just beat my brain to a pulp. I need a creative outlet. That's why I write, why I draw, and why I make costumes in my free time. It's my escapism. I don't need people to spoil my experience.

What ultimately got me to re-write and publish the fic was the hope that I could share a piece of my 'art' with people and maybe find one or two that my story touches, you know? I have so much love for Maia and Din and I thought maybe the love would transfer.

Din will continue behaving 'ooc', even more so as the story progresses and the feelings towards Maia grow stronger. We're not in the canon universe. He's confronted with things we haven't seen him deal with.

We are a result of our circumstances. So is he. This is my universe and my interpretation of him. Take him for what he is. Not for what you think he should be in this situation.

I'm gonna regret uploading this aren't I?

[folklauerate]

Please, please, please, is there any chance to get that final part of "an affair, three ways"? These stories (perspectives?) were just so damn perfect! I have re-red them like a million times by now (I'm not obsessed, you are!) and not having Anthony's point of view just bloody kills me! It is literally driving me insane! So, please?

Hi!

First of all, thanks for reading and re-reading. That really means a lot that you enjoyed the fic that much. I appreciate you and feel really touched that you’re spending so much time with the words 🩷

I hesitate to say no, because never say never, but I really don’t see myself ever writing the Anthony POV, and that’s for a multitude of reasons.

Perhaps first and foremost is the anon hate I received over this fic. I received multiple, really long hate comments on this fic, that were exceptionally rude, hurtful, and seemed to think that I, as a person, was condoning cheating just because I wrote about an affair. This was a wildly crazy accusation to make, not in the least because this anonymous person doesn’t even know me, but also because this is a work of fiction. You would not read a murder mystery and think that the writer is promoting murder! Hell, there’s so many books, plays, films, and tv shows that talk about people cheating, and none of them are “promoting” it or trying to make it seem like some really moral act. The anon commenter made plenty of comments about my character, bashed my friends, bashed my writing ability, berated me for being racist, and this is just stuff that I happened to see because I couldn’t even bring myself to read the entire comment. Everytime I deleted the comments, they would repost them in their entirety. I have also seen friends get anon hate comments and those comments might reference my fic or think a friend wrote it or something. I have seen people reference this fic derogatorily in their tumblr asks. I have seen people disparage it everywhere. I’m currently receiving constant emails from AO3 informing me that someone is attempting to reset my password, either in an attempt to hack my account or just harass me, and they’ve been doing it to a few other writers as well who have posted works that people have seen reason to disagree with, despite everything being an act of fiction.

Writing a third POV to this fic would open myself up to a wave of new hate and I sincerely cannot bring myself to do that at this time. It’s a small act of courage to even keep the fics up knowing it draws so much ire. I’m a little aware that people loved it, but also need people to understand this—unless you’re leaving a comment or telling me directly that you liked my fic, I do not know that you enjoyed my fic. And if you’re re-reading it, I don’t know that! And I’m not writing fic to get any sort of recognition or kudos (writing fanfiction is probably the worst way to get recognition because you don’t get recognition for it lol, we’re all truly just writing because we have a story in our hearts), but this is all to say that while I’m vaguely aware that people enjoy the fic, the love doesn’t necessarily outweigh all of the constant harassment I’ve received from it. I don’t want to expose myself to any more.

I suppose if one day in the future, I feel so moved, I might write it. I do warn that my plans were not to write an Anthony POV of the events of the Kate POV and Tom POV either. I was going to write the Anthony POV of before the affair and after the affair, and I also don’t know that readers would want that. It’s not your typical HEA after the affair; they’re both flawed and wounded people with an unhealthy attachment to one another and huge trust issues. There’s a lot to overcome and it’s not super rosy and happy at all. It would be an emotionally taxing fic to write and tbh it doesn’t even seem worth it to write it if I’m going to risk alienating the people who enjoyed the fic because now they’re upset that theyre not seeing the HEA they wanted and I’m going to risk digging up more harassment and hate for myself. Writing fic is already a thankless job which is in and of itself okay if you don’t go into writing it for thanks, but if you go into it and get hate, it makes it worse.

I’m sorry for the likely depressing answer, Anon :( I am truly happy to hear that you enjoyed that AU! For a while I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for spending time in those words.

[zephrunsimperium]

Happy Fiddleford Friday! I have THOUGHTS about this man (and his relationship with Ford) so I will do what I do best and draw him write a short essay.

When I was a kid, I was really drawn to villains of all sorts. The more flamboyant, complex, and morally dubious the better. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself really really liking characters who are good. Kind to others, resilient, and emotionally mature. Upon first glance, this might not sound like it applies to McGucket but I would argue that it absolutely does. This is a man who, upon getting his memories back, reacts extremely positively, with nothing but gratitude and hope for the future. A man who forgives Ford for essentially ruining his life.

I’m honestly of two minds about this because forgiveness is tricky business. Not every act deserves to be forgiven, certainly, and I’ve recently pondered the following: at what point do you stop forgiving someone who has hurt you repeatedly? At what point do you have to cut off someone you love because they’re taking far more than they give?

The fact is, Ford is just bad at caring for people. People like that, you can care for them, but it’s hard when you try to rely on them and they leave you high and dry. Not because they have bad intentions, but because they genuinely don’t know how to give back. I’m speaking from experience here: you find someone brilliant and passionate and creative, someone who you work well with. You would do literally anything for that person. Like, I dunno, leave your family to work on a portal for several months or put together all their work in something publishable. But that’s just not sustainable and it sucks because in order for things to get better, THEY have to change.

Ford and Fidds have undoubtedly emotionally matured by the time they reunite and I hope that they’re able to give each other the support they deserve. Because you KNOW that it’ll take Ford quite a while - if ever - to forgive himself for creating the portal at all. They both deserve better.

[sarilolla]

Reasons why I love Bugsnax cuz I need to talk about this game which has now consumed me completely (there’s some spoilers here and there, as I’m just writing down stuff I can think about at the moment)

All the characters are neat, and are so fun to interact with-

Considering the situation they are in, I think how they all interact with each other is very realistic, which I love. Like, there are friendships and cute romantic relationships, but there are also not so good relationships that aren't toxic but still make for a good dynamic within the group

All the character designs (both grumpus and bugsnax) are peak marketable plushie designs (I want the Bunger and Strabby plushie so badly)

The bugsnax are so silly :) They are just kinda bug, kinda snax :)

The Bugsnax reminds me of Pokémon, except you don’t make them fight, you just feed them to your friends- Like, how they say their own names, some are harder to catch than others, and just the look and vibes of them

There are multiple lgbtq characters, but not forced or marked-like. They are just there, like it's completely normal, which makes me so happy (Like Floofty is disliked by practically everyone, but no one misgenders them, which means it’s just… normal)

Bunger bunger bunger :D

The names of everyone are so fun, from just misspelled normal names to straight-up muppet-esque names (Triffany - Tiffany, Elizabert - Elizabeth) (Wambus, Gramble, Floofty)

If I had a nickel for the amount of times I got emotionally attached to the one “good” parasite who have the name combo of “S_out”, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice. (Sprout aka the buggyball from Bugsnax, and Scout from hello puppets)

I love the Bugsnax, especially the strabbies, they’re so silly :)

The lore is so good and fun, and I might have just been on a “oooo fun game” high, but I didn’t really catch any plot holes or plot lines I heavily disliked, so it’s good :)

Then again, it does have some darker themes, already showing before the ending, and it’s a good ending no matter, story wise (I did not nor will I ever have the guts to get the bad endings tho, like no, that would hurt too much)

Also if you get the ✨secrets✨, it looks like it could ramp up to a sequel, which I absolutely want

The journalist aka the player character, is very much a self-insert type protagonist, but they’re also not just a reflection of the player. Like their little notes and drawings for quests and such are so fun and cute (also for the people who decided that the most common name for the journalist is “Buddy”, I love you /p /hj (no hate to other journalist names of course, I just like Buddy))

The fact that the player also is allergic to Bugsnax is so fascinating to me, like we survive of sauces, but feed everyone else (technically not including Shelda and Gramble, but they can both eat Bugsnax, just have other reasons why they don’t). It works so well with angst, cuz on the island we have the journalist who can become sick after a while but still trudges on, and after the island, well, there’s definitely some guilt there from feeding everyone

I dunno why, but I love the idea of banjo-pop music, and I would like to thank Wiggle for introducing me to it

I also love Broken Tooth island just showing up, like it really shows there’s something weird about the Bugsnax islands (both Snaxtooth and Broken tooth). Not to mention how weird Snaxtooth is, with hot desert almost bordering frozen solid mountain

Snaxtooth is really an adventurer’s dream come true, which is why it humors me so much that some of the grumpus who joined the expedition are just… normal people. Who just joined, like for a vacation??? It’s funny

I managed to get all the achievements which I’m very proud of myself for managing :) I also have done all mail requests, and that’s just because of the wonderful people who made a guide for how to catch 5 different Bugsnax in 60 seconds or 10 Bugsnax in 90 seconds

Over all? Silly game which definitely also deserves its psychological horror tag, but I adore it

I leave you with this really lazy edit of my favorite parasites /hj

[fazscare87]

Fazbear World- (CTW) Funtime Freddy/Proto-time Freddy

Meet Funtime Freddy, or rather, THE original/Prototype Funtime Freddy, and he’s no longer fun for all ages, it’s only fun for him now, but that’s when he’s hurting or killing someone. He was once white, pink, and shiny, but that was in 1983 before he got replaced by the newer model, it’s been 34 years, it’s 2017 now and this is him now. It’s also worth mentioning that this version of Funtime Freddy is a few feet taller. When he was replaced, William had his power module removed and stored away. However, he somehow reactivated himself, even without the power module, even worse, he managed to get out, and now he indiscriminately tortures and kills anyone he comes across for sadistic pleasure. This Funtime Freddy is sadistic and psychopathic, much more than his other counterpart. He takes immense sadistic joy in physically, mentally, and emotionally tormenting his living victims, while showing a cold, psychopathic, and remorseless attitude toward his deceased victims. He’s very knowledgeable about the various methods, from how their inventors, their history, and even what will happen to the victim. Though he is willing to let the victim decide their fate, even giving them suggestions, and if they somehow survive, he just might let them go, but that hardly happens. At first, Funtime Freddy barely had anything to kill or harm anyone, just a strong grip and fatally strong bite force. Not to mention his microphone, which he used to bludgeon people, after time it broke, and now it’s just sharp metal and plastic, which he now uses to stab people to death if he gets a hold of them or can’t get them in his stomach. So he gave himself upgrades, finding anything he could from scrapyards, other animatronic parts, and anything he deemed deadly. To name a few, upgrades range from hidden extendable claws, due to being in a state of disrepair his limbs/endoskeleton became looser, so he can stretch his wires and limbs out if he pleases, his right hand/arm can transform, serving a variety of functions, containing a surprising amount of tools as well as weapons, such as a clamp, a blade, Buzzsaw, a torch, and a plethora of sharp implements and tools. He can even shoot out shrapnel from his hand, anything he finds he will use it, and anything he can think of he will add to himself. But his deadliest feature is his stomach, he’s added all sorts of deadly features and has all sorts of ways to kill a person while they're trapped inside. These methods involve, electrocution, blades and saws, toxic gasses, constricting the victim with his wires until they stop breathing and are crushed to death, manipulating the temperature to burn or freeze the victim to death, he can even fill his stomach up with water to drown them, as well as slowly boil them alive, (Funnily enough he might be sadistic but he is hesitant and boiling people alive). It’s worth mentioning his stomach cavity is soundproof, so it’s no use trying to scream for help. He's also capable of rolling his eyes back into his head, peering into his stomach to see the victim and watch them die. He’s still out there, looking for new victims to have fun with.

-Clarification, whenever I make Fazbear World versions of some characters, I will mostly stick to their design, however, in the cases of the novels I like to go all out while still sticking somewhat true to their designs, or rather descriptions. I also like to go out with certain characters and what they do, so that’s why I added so many ridiculous little ideas for the gadgets he has to kill someone, I just can’t help myself, then again it’s an AU, so yeah.

I also learned how hard it is drawing Sister Location characters, that or it’s just me.

Hope you guys like it and have a faztastic day ^^

[oceanblueeyesoul]

Hi! How are you doing? Hope you’re doing well! If I may ask, a TUA, Stranger Things and Wednesday (2022) matchup please :]

Appearance: I have shoulder-length layered dark brown hair with brown eyes and round glasses. I’m currently 5’0 and I have tanned skin. I also have a mole on the bottom of my left eye. Additionally, my clothing style is mostly minimalistic.

Personality: I’m an INFJ-T, 9w1. I describe myself to be quite carefree and quite shy. I don’t really dislike being around people, although I do like being by myself a lot. A few people have called me pretty approachable and easy going at first, and mostly getting to know my cheery side when they got closer to me. I’m the type of person to be more cheerful and loud when I get comfortable around someone! I will consider myself the ‘Therapist Friend’(?). I like to listen more than talking, and I try my best to give advices to my friends and support them however I can. I really care for them. I might describe myself a ‘Reclusive Optimist’. Also last addition, I’m not very Academically Intelligent. I’m more Emotionally Intelligent, and honestly I don’t really mind that.

Likes / Dislikes : I like art and photography! Art is such a pretty topic and subject for me to be honest, It’s really interesting to see a human person’s thoughts, feelings and ideas placed in a canvas, an instrument (music) or even simply written in paper. I also like to take walks on the park and listening to music along the way. I also like the topic of ghosts and ghost hunting (yes I watch Buzzfeed Unsolved and Ghost Files LOL), I like to incorporate them in a few of my stories! I also like coffee and oversized clothing, I just think they are neat heheh. Oh, and I love plushies! I have a lot of them on my bed, I like to hug them as I sleep. I don’t think I can sleep without hugging them hahah.

For my dislikes I think I generally don’t like food that are too sweet haha. I don’t mind sweet things, just not things that are very sweet. I also dislike loud noises hahah. Also, I’m not particularly a big fan of Math (lmao). Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s a fun subject to other people but It always makes my head hurt LOL. OHH and I dislike being alone in the dark. I know I just said I liked ghost hunting, but I probably won’t do it alone hahahah. I feel like having a small group with me would be nice.

Hobbies/Interests: I like to draw and write! It’s refreshing for me to just express my feelings without telling it to somebody. Painting my feelings in a canvas or just writing it on a piece of paper brings me comfort haha. I’m interested in music, my favorite genre is alternative indie! A new genre of music I’m exploring is classical music. I’m mainly interested in things that are art related! Also I think I’ve already mentioned this in likes and dislikes but researching on the topic of ghosts is one of my interests! The ghost hunting equipment are quite tricky lol. Ohh, and I recently just found a hobby in baking! It’s honestly pretty fun and a great way to pass the time for me when I don’t feel like painting or writing.

That’s all! Thank you so much :)

Hi there, sweetie! I really hope you like this a lot!

The Umbrella Academy Matchup

Your TUA soulmate is...

VIKTOR HARGREEVES!!

The two of you would definitely go around town to take some photos of things around in the town square and just having fun along the way.

The two of you would definitely be bake anything together to pass the time and while spending time together in the Hargreeves household.

He would definitely be cover your ears when there are loud noises nearby because he wants to keep you safe.

INFP x INFJ lovebirds!

Stranger Things Matchup

Your Stranger Things soulmate is...

JONATHAN BYERS!!!

The two of you would definitely take the pictures of each other a lot because the two of you thought that the other is more attractive than they think they are.

The two of you would definitely be listening to music all the time really because you love each other very much indeed and also you guys just dance to the music as well.

He would definitely be helping you with the Maths questions for school because he knew that you can do this all the time.

ISFP x INFJ soulmates!

Wednesday (Netflix) Matchup

Your Wednesday (Netflix) soulmate is...

XAVIER THORPE!!!

The two of you would be definitely be painting together and making new memories through the art that the two of you made together.

The two of you would definitely be going to ghost hunting every time in the haunted house and also, he just wants to spend some time with you.

He would definitely be turning on the lights in your bedroom for you because he knows that you are afraid of the dark all the time.

ISFP x INFJ sweethearts!

[stolas-number-1-vents]

CW: Long winded vent post, just stuff I need off of my chest.

Life's been shit as of late.

Honestly it might be my fault, or might as well be. I can't seem to cry anymore, seems my body is too tired for that emotion. But what's worse is that I feel numb emotionally speaking. I'm irritable by even the smallest things like the wheel of my chair catching on my desk's leg and not letting me push myself closer to the screen or hell even messing up a sketch line while drawing.

It's awful, I don't like not feeling things but at the same it's almost better than feeling things because I don't have to feel. My laughs are genuine, my smiles sometimes are, but more often than not I find myself just sleeping to pass the time as opposed to more productive things and for some reason the thought of that scares me, that I'm simply napping my early adulthood away (18). Graduation is right around the corner so anxieties were already high as it were and now the realization that I'm falling in to my old self destructive tendency of sleeping the days away simply because I'm too mentally exhausted to fathom anything else.

And worse of all, it all stems from one person, one. Their name won't be disclosed for anonymity's sake, and they're my ex (They/Them). We dated from January to March until they ended up finding someone new that was in closer proximity. I forced myself to be okay with that and then when I had the chance to date them again I jumped at it because even though they'd broken my heart choosing someone else, they were the only person who I'd managed to let my guard down for.

Unfortunately things weren't well and around December 5th last year me and them split for good and sent each other final paragraphs. I ended things civilly, them not so much. They told me I said 'I love you too much', that I was too flirty with them, and that I made them uncomfortable. Now I knew I was innocent because I'd given them multiple opportunities to tell me to stop or to tone it down. Not once did they ever vocalize to me that I was being too much. But worst of all they accused me of pushing them into the relationship and giving them no choice but to date me, which is what fucks me up most and continues to.

Ever since they said that, not only have I been just generally diverted from looking for a relationship almost entirely but I've been driven to point where I'm afraid I'll end up doing that to someone else, or worse, making someone else a rebound.

And while yeah, it's not exactly good to date someone to find a meaning or purpose in life, it feels like it's the only thing that'd help me, and yet I'm too socially awkward to talk to someone irl, not to mention that I have to go through the trial and error of finding someone that at least likes some of the things I like. But I also don't want anymore long distance relationships. They're utterly draining, regardless if I'm head over heels for them like I was with my ex. I guess it's true what they say about first true loves being the ones that hurt worst to lose.

Anyway, that was my vent, a long one too.