#i might be a bit biased but personally this is the Best Thing i have Ever Read so yes i v much love the new writing style 🥹💗

[thewalrusespublicist]

"Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol)"

OMG no way! Your blog is one of the best here! What i love the most is reading the analysis and meta from the users, there's always more information and good takes, and yours are always quite deep and insightful.

I would love if you share your opinions about Stuart as well. I feel like he is obviously more sanctified that he should be since he died young (like that insane quote from his mom saying that Brian told her that Stuart could have been the Beatles' manager, no way lol) and i feel his memory has been used to attack Paul, sometimes in a very unfair way. Like, i don't deny the teenage drama and jealousy that Paul felt about him but he *was* a shitty bass player and the band was Paul's future, he was allowed to criticized him not only for being John's new bestie. I also think John played with them both but i lack of your eloquence so i will love to read your take about it.

Hi anon! And the other anons!

Thank you again and to all the other messages I got, they were extremely sweet and really made my day. :)

From my inbox, it's clear you guys want to know about Stu and his role in the Beatles legacy. Well you asked for it and a novel you shall have. Be warned this might be the longest post I've done so grab like a drink or something.

A few disclaimers: I wish and had intended for this to be more of a deep dive into Stu as a whole person rather than just his relationship with John and Paul. Unfortunately I just didn't have the space to do it. If you want to know more about Stu I would highly recommend @eppysboys' blog which is the source for all things Stu Sutcliffe and where I got a lot of this info. Please check their stuff out. Also, I'm going to be a bit blunter on this than maybe I usually am because this topic has been irritating me for some time. Oh also I’m trying my best to answer a lot of asks in one post so please forgive if I don’t fully answer your specific ask about this!

Stu in a perfect world should be a fandom darling: an exciting cipher, a handsome artistic talent that died way too soon who had a major influence in the early Beatles style. It's like there’s this secret other James Dean looking mf Beatle hidden away to uncover, that's cool and he is cool! The problem is that he’s sort of becomes radioactive to talk about in a normal way due to how he's been portrayed and utilised in some biographies and fandom spaces, particularly those that have been infected by John Lennon aspirational boy bestie syndrome. As those types of spaces cannot seem to exist without tearing down Paul to prop John up as their special lil guy, Stu as John's other best friend has become the ideal heavy object to hit Paul McCartney over the head with. It's like a corrosive element, the minute Stu hits a Beatles bio, the biographer suddenly loses all training in objectivity and source work and starts waxing lyrical about 100 percent reliable never biased or wrong Saint Stu of Hamburg who died for our condom arson sins and that Paul McCartney should feel bad about every day of his life for not worshipping Stu and not accepting his own ‘place’ in life as John's just-some-guy placeholder best friend. I’ve personally seen so many posts and forums where Stu being mentioned leads to a legion of comments about how Paul could never have been Stu (correct both ways) and how John would never have even glanced at Paul for much longer if Stu had been alive. Sidenote: If you seriously think that the musical savant from down the road whom John went on to produce the most prolific song writing partnership in history with couldnt have kept his attention for long then I'm begging you on hands and knees to get your head out of the arse of your John Lennon body pillow and be serious. But anyway…

This boy bestie battle royale approach has in turn lead to a reflex reaction where Stu gets studiously ignored by other sections of the fandom as a precedent has been set that shining a light on him diminishes Paul and John's relationship with Paul. It's frustrating because if people weren't so keen to cut Paul out of his own story then we would get a much better nuanced view of every single person involved.

So let's put aside all of our defenses, cut the John Lennon loved one ranking system bullshit and lets look at the actual question here which is what was John and Stu's relationship really like and what did he mean to John?

John and Stu met at art college a year or so after Paul and John met. Up to that point John and Paul had their fun little codependant thing going on but Stu quickly became a huge fixture in John's life. Stu had things that Paul couldn't really offer at that point in time. John was at his heart a musician who aspired to be seen as an artist (he would later express surprise that he didn't become an artist). Stu was the passionate artist who knew tons about the art of the period that could teach and inspire John. Their creative leanings meant they could work on projects together and share art notebooks and poetry. (Including yes the one with anti-semitic story which I mention again as I believe it's an important thing to remember when it comes to both John and Stu and the culture of the time.) Stuart by the sounds of it was even writing a novel about John at the time of his death. They were fascinated and inspired by each other.

So, creatively they fired each other up but more importantly perhaps, Stu and John were peers. It's funny to think about when you see the Beatles later but at the time Paul and George were the kids in their school uniform coming to see their cool older friend at art school. That's an important divide. When Paul and George's parents insisted their kids do their homework and go to bed, John and Stu could stay up and talk all hours of the night, which they did. They also could rent a place together and spend long hours chatting (despite John moving out later after realising electricity cost money lol.) There's a different dynamic that the age similarity offered as well. Whilst Paul would later somewhat grow into this role, Stu could act as an authority figure to John as well as open up to John in a way you can really only do with your peers. Stu was the person John opened up to throughout Stu's life:

How long can one go on writing and writing like you. I now don’t really know who I’m writing to or why it’s quiet peculiar. I usually write like this and forget about it but if I put it in a little part of my [almost?] secret self in the hands of someone miles away who will wonder what the hell is going on or just pass it off as toilet paper. Anyway I don’t care really what happens because when I think about it, it’s so bloody unimportant – but what is important who has the right to say that this letter is not important and this is a something any way – anyway – anyway – yeah! I wonder what it would be like to be a cretin or something. I bet it’s gear. & how are you keepin Stuart old chap are you as ok – is life as good – bad shite, great – wonderful as it was or is it just a thousand years of nothing and coolness on and on and on. I think this is it Goodbye Stu don’t write out of – er what is it? well not because you think you ought to write when you feel like So goodbye (from John you know the one with glasses) ANYWAY BYE BYE see you soon I don’t know why I said that I remember a time when everyone I loved hated me because I hated them so what so what so fucking what I remember a time when belly buttons were knee high when only shitting was dirty and everything else clean + beautiful I can’t remember anything without a sadness So deep that it hardly becomes known to me so deep that its tears leave me a spectator of my own STUPIDITY + so I go rambling on with a hey nonny nonny nonny no

Extract from a letter to Stuart Sutcliffe from John Lennon, 1961

By lots of accounts Stu was gentle but firm when it came to telling John he'd gone too far. John references this aspect of Stu to Hunter Davies:

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I'd believe him."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

In this way I kind of see Stu as a proto-Yoko. John was so insecure and uncertain about his grip on the world and reality that he relied on Stu to be his point of reference and guide. Paul did this too later and I think in Hunter Davies John mentions this, but not at this time period and not as much due to their competitiveness. This may be why some people saw Stu as the person that really understood John at this time period:

"During the turbulent adolescence that prefaced a turbulent manhood, hardly anyone knew Lennon as intimately as Stuart Sutcliffe. If they weren't exactly David and Jonathan, June Furlong, one of the life models at Liverpool's Regional College of Art, had "never seen two teenagers as close as those two."

The Gospel According To Lennon by Alan Clayson

Now this person likely never met John and Paul together but this is only one of many similar quotes and even Julia captain of John and Paul's friendship boat seems to agree there was a period where Stu dominated and Paul 'kept his distance' from the John-Cyn-Stu 'menage-a-trois'. But the friendship wasn't perfect and his position as John's ultimate best friend was never iron clad. This is best outlined by the shit they pulled when John convinced him to join on Bass for the Beatles.

Despite being John's best friend, Stu was teased and bullied:

"They argued as usual amongst themselves, but most of all they picked on Stu, the newest member of the group. John, George and Paul had been with each other long enough to know that rows and arguments and criticism didn't mean much. If it did, you just argued back. "We were terrible," says John. "We'd tell Stu he couldn't sit with us, or eat with us. We'd tell him to go away, and he did." At one hotel they stayed at, a variety show had just left. There had been a dwarf in the show and they found out which bed he had slept in and said that would have to be Stu's. They certainly weren't going to sleep in it. So Stu had to. "That was how he learned to be with us," says John. "It was all stupid, but that was what we were like."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

Why John encouraged this I have no idea, maybe jealousy over Stu's looks and wanting to play people off each other? Things were tense in both Scotland and Hamburg, especially between Stu and Paul. As I said in my last post, the girls were fighting and it was mutual. Paul was mad for both fair and immature teenage-boy reasons. Stu could not be bothered with the bass most of the time and couldn't really play well and was only there as he was '(John's) best friend' (ouch for Paul). Paul conversely had given up higher education to be there and was sending lots of money back home. He also was dating the girl Paul fancied. Stu was popular with the new group and also did mean things like help John steal Paul's money when money was really tight for him. Paul in turn was a passive aggressive, jealous and mean. It all came to ahead in the punch up onstage which according to Spitz came about from Paul wanting money back and saying that Stu could borrow some from Astrid. Stu goes for him and reports vary from full-on bust up to embarrassing scuffle. Stu then goes to where Astrid and Paul's gf Dot are, demands Dot leaves and goes on a rant about Paul. Now all of this must be framed in the context of Stu receiving increasing brain damage from his condition that seemingly lead to mood swings and anger. Nevertheless, the mutual needling and anger, as well as John's refusal to do/say fuck all about it, especially given how protective John was of Stu, suggests that it wasn’t straightforward and/or John may have been playing some games to make both feel threatened. This would also make sense as to why we hear conflicting accounts of John and Stu being the centre of everything and everyone else in orbit AND John and Paul being the centre and everyone else playing catch-up, as well as John giving Paul the lead to take him round the Reeperbahn when John got dressed in the gorilla costume. (I know Paul may have just been the closest there but that always gave off bestie behaviour to me.)

(I did get an ask about how John and Paul's friendship survived it, I think it was damaged by Hamburg. When Paul got back home he got a job at a construction site and there's just a vibe of everything being a bit on tenterhooks. John also acts a bit weird at the period, not talking to anyone for a few weeks then making a lot of weird demands from Paul. I'm really not sure what to make of it.)

Even when he's back in Liverpool, John still writes long letters to Stu and vice-versa. I can't find it at all but I’ve read a really sad interview with John saying he missed his best mate and it's a shame that he's not with them. He had no idea at that point that Stu had already died of a brain hemorrhage at 21.

John is said to have gone into hysterics when he found out Stu had died. A lot of people who've spoken about this time (Aunt Mimi, his sister Julia, the Exsis) concur that at this point Stu was his best friend and the death shattered him. He even told Astrid he wished he could give his life for Stu’s. This is backed up by the fact that John never forgot Stu and his shadow lingered for the rest of John's life:

Stu was recalled in In My Life

Years later, after John composed the first of his truly poignant and heartfelt Beatles songs, "In My Life"—with its lines about "friends I still can recall/some are dead and some are living"—he revealed to me that the two people he had had uppermost in mind were myself and Stuart Sutcliffe. And then he stunned me with a statement that I'd never heard him address to anyone—least of all to another man. "You know, Pete," he said softly, "I do love you. But," he quickly added, "I loved Stuart as well."

Weird that Paul isn't mentioned surely you think that he would be mentioned if Pete was there too okay, okay my tin hat is going away this isn't the time

Pete Shotton, Nicholas Schaffner, John Lennon: In My Life

In 1965 John drew Stu on a postcard

He apparently said this about Stu prior to sending the postcard, prompted by an article about Stuart.

The card had been sent from Genoa mid-way through the Beatles' Italian tour. [...] But the conversation had become maudlin when I reminded him that he was going to talk to me for an article about Stuart. [...] In that sad telephone conversation before they set off for Milan, I asked him if he was happy: 'I'd be a lot happier if Stuart was still part of us,' he said, 'The Beatles would be complete.' And before he rang off he said 'Ill send you something.'

He also appears on the cover of Sgt Pepper

As mentioned, Stu gets mentioned in Hunter Davies in terms of wistfulness and guilt AND he gets a mention in John's insane 'if I were a homosexual' ramblings in early 70s. According to Yoko, John also wanted Yoko to write letters to him and didn't think it would be strange because Stu wrote letters to him.

I have a pet theory that as with a lot of things for John, his unresolved grief over Stu really came to the fore in the late 60s now that he had actually had a chance to sit down and think about things. I believe it was partially why he wanted Yoko to write letters and why he gets mentioned in the early 70s as a collaborator/best friend and not in 1980 where John only gives that credit to Paul and Yoko. I think with the cracks with Paul, John had started to think back on his old friend and guide and what advice he would give.

Stuarts presence is still felt throughout the seventies:

“He told me everything. He loved to talk about Hamburg. There were no secrets. It was the kind of life I never knew…. It meant total freedom. At his side always was Stuart, sweet Stuart. There wasn’t a time in John’s life when he didn’t think about Stuart. He spoke always of his love and respect for Stuart.”

Yoko discussing Stu in When They Were Boys: The True Story of the Beatles’ Rise to the Top by Larry Kane

Coming to grips with his death is also present in Skywriting

SEAN O’HAIRE: What happened to Stuart Cliff? DR. FISCHY: What happened was a full exchange of energy where it was not needed within the expression of your own self or in the energies involved around and about you. We cannot call it a happening. We’ll say it is an awakening, for in that way it has served an expression from the past to the present and to the future to where there shall be more of that incomplete vibration expressed to you in a more fuller understanding.

Skywriting by Word of Mouth, John Lennon

This isn't exhaustive but I think from all this it's pretty clear that John adored Stu, John grieved Stu and kept grieving Stu. Stu had a specific place in his life as a confidant that he tried to recreate with Yoko. At the time of Stu's death, he was John's best friend, probably slightly over Paul. Stuart had been able to be both a friend and paternal presence, a confidant and an artistic collaborator. His presence and loss was one of the foundational points in John's life.

But as we've been asked to play this stupid game and so many bios like to make a hoopla about it, were they at their closest ever as close as John and Paul were at their height?

No.

How do we know? Because John told us so:

" He [Paul] still is the closest friend I've ever had, except for Yoko, so I'm still close to him whatever goes on."

John Lennon to an interviewer, 1971

But Walrus! John just says shit! How do we know he isn't leaving out Stu because the press don't know Stu. Well true John does just say shit but this is at a time where John isn't the most glowing about Paul and he's had no problem mentioning Stu in this time period ('one of my best friends ever' would have made a similar point).

But Walrus again! If John picked Stu over Paul when they were young why wouldn't he be the boy bestie of all time, and why would John say that he was closer to Paul? Well, because of the environment and timings. Stu's death happened near the beginning of John and Paul's major bonding moments. If you look at their personal timeline, Paris, the Nerk twins, and getting signed happened just before Stu died. That's missing the major years of Beatlemania, Key West, LSD, Paul growing more into being John's peer and a load of other huge moments in their lives. It's like how John writes to Cyn in 1962 about wanting the house to themselves and not have Paul around all the time. Would you say because he feels closer to Cyn then that John in his overall lifetime loved Cyn more than Paul? No, because relationships change over time and theirs were no exception. (One thing to consider as well is that we don't yet have many letters between John and Paul during their Beatles years and earlier, probably because they were spending so much time with each other. We know a couple exist that Paul considers too personal for publication but I'm sure there are others. It's easy to understand what John felt for Stu as we have the letters, I think we would also have an easier time understanding what John felt for Paul if we had the equivalent of those.)

At the end of the day Paul was the man he believed he had a psychic bond with, the man he couldn’t shut up about, the man whom he’d conquered the world with with their endless collaboration, the man with a twin personality to him and according to John spent more time with throughout the 60s than he had with Yoko ever. To be frank if Paul had died in 67' I don't think this would have been a conversation.

As mentioned early, in early 1970s John elevates his partnership with Stu to his collaborations with Paul and Yoko but by 1980 he’s pretty clear that Paul and Yoko are their own category.

"I was saying to somebody the other day, “There’s only two artists I’ve ever worked with for more than a one night stand, as it were. That’s Paul McCartney, and Yoko Ono.” And I think that’s a pretty damned good choice!!"

John Lennon interview with DJ Dave Sholin, 1980

There are of course the what ifs. Would Stu still being alive mean that John was not as close with Paul? Maybe, highly doubtful though as the Beatles experience was so intense. If Stu remained a Beatle would John be as close with Paul? If Stu remained a Beatle he wouldn't be Stu so no. At the same time who knows what it would have been like if Paul and John were peers from the off? I said this to @the62ndbugsfan when it comes to Stu vs Paul (hi girl sorry i've made our chat a whole ass post lol) but to go a bit Wuthering Heights, soulmates are made as much from the earth as they are of the stars. What binds us is our experiences just as much as our personalities. There may be a universe where Stu and John took on the art world together or became inseparable bffs again after the Beatles disbanded, but it is not our universe. In this universe Stu tragically died and John and Paul chose to become Lennon/McCartney and artistically unite themselves forever.

Even going back to Stu's lifetime, I've said it before and I'll say it again I find it interesting that not only did John choose to go to Paris with Paul rather than pay to meet up with Stu somewhere but that they arranged to meet up with Juergen and nobody told Stu until they'd already gone. Stu was shocked and didn't know if it meant the end of the Beatles which is a pretty big thing for him not to know about. Why didn't John tell him if they're apparently still writing long letters? Was it because he really wanted to do this with Paul and didn't want to hurt Stu's feelings? And that's really the point I want to make here. Due to his trauma John was preoccupied with reinforcing ranking of relationships within his life. But the thing is friendship rankings are made up guidelines and the reality is far more complicated. You can have a designated best friend but feel closer to another friend at times, you can want to do one thing specifically with one friend and not the other for various reasons. You can (as I do) have more than one equal best friend. Friendship as with most relationships are in a constant state of flux and each friendship you have will give and mean a different thing, even if they are of similar value to you.

Paul may have ended up closer to John than Stu had been, but that doesen't make John's relationship with Stu any less special. Nor does Stu negate the significance of Paul. Whilst both fit into John's pattern of intense relationships and demands related to that, both had unique positions and meaning to him. Considering what I've gone into about John's closeness to Stu, it actually says something deeply, borderline unnervingly, intense about John and Paul that Paul pipped Stu to the post. Maybe it's time Beatles bios accept the fact that John Lennon just wouldn't be into them like that, stop using a tragically prematurely deceased young man as a prop in their jealous psychological warfare against Paul McCartney, stop perpetuating one of the most damaging games that John did to his loved ones and allow both relationships the space to shine and showcase the amazing talent that was the Beatles and those that surrounded them.

[thatsveryvortex]

Writing Tools for Planning Your Story

I've tried tons of writing apps and sites, so you don't have to. Here's a list of free sites to plot out your novel, with my review and some images of how I use it.

Milanote

Milanote is like having a giant pinboard with folders. You can upload anything onto it [yes even your main doc] and then draw over it or connect things with lines and arrows

Milanote lets you add up to a hundred things for free, not including drawing. This is one of the downsides of the site as I've found myself reaching that limit recently.

For me, the best part is being able to draw over stuff, and the color swatches.

Milanote is a lot less structured than other sites I've used, and personally, I don't think their templates are worth using.

8/10 overall, Milanote is what I mainly use. Here are some pics of how I use it:

Miro

Miro is a flowchart website mainly used for corporate jobs, however, it can be a great plotting tool for that reason

Miro has a lot of great starter templates if you are looking for a more structured freeform experience. It also comes with a blank page as well.

Unfortunately, I'd argue that it's a bit of a hard tool for beginners to use without a template, I've learned copy-paste is my best friend with Miro the hard way.

It's much better than most platforms at making timelines though.

It has a limit of three boards which is a bit disappointing but overall, I think it's worth the try.

5/10 Miro is very middle of the road for me due to the limited ability to customize things and the free limit. Here are some pics:

[I wrote that part weeks ago, I am now fully using Miro and believe it's the best for making timelines and charts, I just wish it let me make more boards 8/10]

Hiveword

This might be someone's jam, I can't really say it's mine though.

First off, the unpaid version is really just a few boxes saying "Write a summary here." which makes it just not worth it in my opinion

There really isn't any way to customise things which is my favorite part of most of these softwares

I've barely used this, so maybe there's something I'm missing but

1/10, Just use Google Docs at this point, here's a couple pics

World Anvil

People like this software, it's mainly used for tabletop, which is just a different way of writing adventure, and I've seen it recommended by authors.

Unfortunately, I'm going to disagree with a lot of people and say it's hard to use and isn't even really good at plotting.

I may be biased on this one as every time I've tried to use it in the past I've struggled. However, it seems like another just write it in a document and create a folder.

I'd say it's closer to an organizing tool, but even then just use something else.

3/10, I have nothing to say about it but maybe you'll enjoy it, all here are two photos

Campfire

This is the one I think I've heard the most about, but have never actually tried.

right off the bat, I'm going to say this is 100% worth it, you'll see at the end with the photos but this is like if Miro and World Anvil had an organization baby.

It's extremely easy to understand, and it makes timelines, it's more for writing your whole book but idk about that yet.

7/10, its themes are really pretty but it limits how much you can do to 20 I believe. Here are the photos

That's all for now, honestly, I think you should use Miro if you are looking to plot things out, and Milanote if you want to collect and organize your thoughts for writing, as that's what I do. Obviously what I like won't be for everyone, but hopefully, this helped you see some options

[starsandrqindrops]

STAR I LOVE YOU!!! OMG <33333

cocoon | k.s.m

pairing... bf!seungmin x gn!reader tags... hurt/comfort, established relationship, angst with a happy ending!!! soft seungmin 💞 cw... crying, reader is tired and burned out, self-indulgent!

co•coon noun | a protective or comforting covering see also: kim seungmin

wc... 948 words a/n... huge credits to heather for getting me out of my writing slump HAHAHA i tried a different writing style here, let me know what you guys think!

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Tears are threatening to spill out of your eyes and your hair is all disheveled from the amount of times you ran your fingers through it out of frustration. Your aching back is slouched and you just want to take a hot shower, bury yourself in the covers, and sleep all your problems away. As soon as you enter your apartment, you make a beeline for the bathroom and take a quick, steaming shower. You let the stinging drops fall from the showerhead and trail down your skin, washing the remnants of your shampoo and soap away.

Hastily, you enter your bedroom and grab Seungmin's biggest hoodie from his side of the dresser. You slip it on, wearing nothing else than your underwear, drowning yourself in a cocoon of his scent. You nestle in the soft fabric, immersing yourself in the smell of the coffee beans and vanilla lotion that you’re all too familiar with. Not long after you lie down under the covers, you hear shuffling in the living room, muffled by the closed door in between. After a short few seconds, the door creaks open and Seungmin enters the bedroom, his hair damp from his after-practice shower. One look at your red, tired, glossy eyes and he knows just how exhausted you are, so he quietly slips into bed beside you, enveloping his arms around your figure as he pulls you flush against his chest. The room falls silent for a moment, then the cork pops loose and your emotions begin to pour out.

He doesn't utter a word as the sobs violently start to escape your mouth, the heart-wrenching echoes bouncing off the walls. He runs his hands up and down your back and arms, silently soothing you as you let it all out. Once your cries gradually get less abrupt, he pulls you back a bit and tips your head up so he can look you in the eye. He holds your gaze as he brings his hands to your face and wipes the tears away with his thumb, gently caressing your cheeks. Softly, he whispers, "You're so strong, my angel. I know you can get through whatever is causing you trouble. You don't have to talk about it right now, but I’ll be right here when you're ready. Just keep pushing through."

He knows how you’ve been struggling. He takes your trembling hands from where they were resting folded in your lap. After brushing his lips against your knuckles, he brings your hands to wrap around his neck, returning his own to rest on your waist as he leans his forehead against yours. The feeling of endless hard work, endless pain, endless difficulties; he’s been there. He knows how tempting it can be to give up, however, he believes you'll persevere. Why? Because you always do, you just need a little reminder.

“You know, butterflies weren’t always beautiful,” he comments softly, causing your brows to furrow. Seungmin smiles softly as he continues, “They start off as caterpillars, which, by the way, I think look really ugly and scary.” You let out a choked giggle. “They’re all fuzzy and have too many legs for my comfort—anyway. They go through a lot of hardships and challenges as a caterpillar. Then they wrap themselves in a tight, silky cocoon, just like you right now; all wrapped up in my hoodie that’s like ten sizes too big on you.” You roll your glassy eyes, letting a few more tears streak down your cheeks. Seungmin wipes them right away. “Right, so, in that cocoon, they transform. They keep with them all their experiences, everything they’ve learned, and then they emerge as beautiful, majestic butterflies.” He presses a soft peck to your lips. “You will be that butterfly, my love. At the end of all the pain you’re facing right now, it will all be worth it. Your hard work will pay off, trust me.”

The sobs you let out are fractured, separated by your deep inhales as you slowly try to catch your breath. Seungmin is firm in consoling you because, in this time of vulnerability and weakness, he is your pillar. He maintains eye contact while he coaxes deep and steady breaths out of you, his warm hands cradling your face. When you manage to croak out a strangled, but coherent, “I’ve always liked butterflies," he pulls you back to his chest as he resumes stroking his hand over your head.

The sweet little nothings Seungmin whispers into your ears are a melodic string of comfort. He kisses your forehead as the last of your cries start to die down and you finally fall asleep in his arms. Gently, he lifts you off his lap, making sure not to break your hold on his neck. He positions your head to rest snugly on top of your pillow and he pulls the duvet tight around the two of you, making a cocoon containing your intertwined bodies.

When you wake up the next morning, Seungmin still has you protected in his grasp, your limbs wrapped together under the blanket. He jokes about how you're a bit gross for sleeping on his chest when his shirt is painted by your tears and snot. You giggle and whisper out a half-sincere apology as he peppers kisses all over your puffy eyelids. Before the two of you officially start your day, you remain nuzzled in each other’s tangled arms as the birds chirp and the sunlight peeks its way through the curtains. You tell him, “I love you, Seungmin. thank you for being here.” And he replies, "I love you, too, dummy. You're always safe with me. Don't ever forget that, please.”

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taglist: @kflixnet @jinnixxn @elllisaaa @captainchrisstan @laylasbunbunny @starsandrqindrops @kittymaryam-thebrowniefairy

comments, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated! © like-a-diamondinthesky 2023

[xinganhao]

🥊 older brother!soonyoung vs. boyfriend!jihoon.

@choco-scoups -> "what do we think about brother's best friend jihoon, but your brother is soonyoung"

ⓘ cussing, good-natured sibling bickering, suggestive joke. headcanons under the cut.

🥊 jihoon's notes on surviving the kwon siblings .ᐟ

The Kwon siblings are sulky as hell. Jihoon had thought that Soonyoung was the king of brooding, but then he met you. If he weren't dating you, he might even be impressed. As it is, though, he can only focus on managing the two of you's moods. Sure, Jihoon is a little biased. He thinks you're cute when you get all pouty; it makes him want to pinch your cheeks and hold you until that frown is gone from your face. When it's Soonyoung, though, he's a lot more exasperated. "You're a grown man, Soon. Get over it," he might grouse— right before turning to a sullen you and asking if you want a kiss.

The Kwon siblings bicker. A lot. Jihoon doesn't have any brothers or sisters of his own, so he spent quite a bit of time worrying if the two of you were normal. He quickly learned that most siblings tend to butt heads, though you and Soonyoung tended to be a little more... over the top than the average pair. One too many times, Jihoon has been caught in between the two of you's screaming matches. His three-step plan to coming out unscathed is to 1) not take sides, 2) only step in if/when physical altercation occurs, and 3) try not to insult either of you. Even if he is inclined to believe that you're right, more often than not.

The Kwon siblings can be clingy. Before he was your boyfriend, Jihoon was Soonyoung's best friend. And so Jihoon had grown used to Soonyoung's insistences for meals out, Soonyoung's need to be responded to lest he thinks it's the end of the world. When it turned out that you were more or less similar, Jihoon could only shake his head and sigh to himself. He should have known what he was getting into. Really, Jihoon has the patience of a saint in balancing your overthinking and Soonyoung's peskiness. It's a whole love language, and Jihoon is fluent.

Soonyoung loves you. It's not something he says often. Call it the tendency of brothers to brush off emotion or downplay their own sentiments. But Soonyoung loves you in a ride-or-die kind of way, in an if-anything-happens-to-you-I-don't-know-what-I'd-do kind of way. Jihoon knows this. He knows it well. When you and Jihoon had started dating, Soonyoung had been fully supportive. He made a couple of 'jabs' here and there— "If you break their heart, I'll never forgive you!"— but Jihoon knew from the look in his best friend's eye, the set in Soonyoung's jaw, that it wasn't that much of a joke. Jihoon knows that Soonyoung trusting him with you is no small thing. He makes sure not to take it for granted.

You love Jihoon. You love Soonyoung. You would never— not in a million lifetimes— choose Jihoon over Soonyoung. Even though you've threatened bodily harm on Soonyoung more times than can be counted; even though Jihoon is everything that you could want and more. Blood runs thicker than water. Jihoon knows that, too. That's why he never makes you choose. He's content to share the spot of 'favorite person' with your brother, the same way that there's no one else in the world that he trusts more than you two.

+ When the three of you are able to get it together long enough to go somewhere without gauging each other's eyes out, it's those moments that Jihoon secretly adores the most. He sometimes falls quiet, letting you and Kwon fill the conversation at the table, and he thinks of the time you forced him to watch that one Disney movie. Looks like the princess was right; Jihoon is spoken for. Everyone he's ever loved is here, within these walls, at this table, and he couldn't be more happy about it.

✉︎ jayyy! i know you said i could "keep this for a while," but when the req features two people on my bias line.. well! (ᗒᗨᗕ)

› scroll through all my work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ my masterlist | @xinganhao

[lightfeltmemories]

episode one: phantom troupe and romance; headcanons from least toxic, to most toxic

characters include: chrollo, machi, pakunoda, shizuku, uvogin, shalnark, feitan, phinks, bonolenov, kortopi, hisoka, illumi, nobunaga, franklin. (not in order)

tw's: nsfw but nothing explicit, mentions of non-con, spoilers for the deaths of pakunoda, shalnark, kortopi and uvogin, toxic relationships, lovebombing, mentions of torture (not on reader), mentions of cheating, mentions of reader's death,

notes: a completely self indulgent post, you can probably tell who im biased towards by how long certain sections are.

because this contains mentions of nsfw, do not interact if you are under 18, you will be blocked if you do !! also, do not leave negative comments please, they will be deleted :)

pakunoda

out of everyone, guaranteed, she'll be the best partner out of everyone else, you might even end up shocked that she's apart of the troupe if it ever comes to you finding out.

she's a darling, spoils and cares for you like anyone else, a great listener and partakes in your interests in hobbies, its (almost) like a fairytale by how the relationship is, the troupe knows you but you don't know them! and she wants to keep it that way, of course still she's a murderer, so it would break her if you were to have found out about everything, she vowed to never let you know or even have you close to knowing about what she does, but you just can't help but wonder what she's doing when she's away for long periods of time.

until it comes to her death.

now, you eventually find out that she died from a close friend of hers, but he knows paku doesn't want you to know about the troupe, so, he's a bit vague, and a bit creepy.

--

nobunaga

personally out of everyone else, i feel like nobunaga would be other most normal when it comes to relationships, but then again, he's an enigma, he doesn't strike me as the type to be the best boyfriend literally ever or very very toxic, i feel like out of everyone else, if you're looking for someone to be in a semi normal relationship with, nobunaga is your best shot, but of course, he's a part of the phantom troupe, and any member apart of it isn't exactly the best partner by default.

he's still a murder and thief, like all members i believe that he would definitely steal things that remind him of you, he'd most definitely kill for you.

unlike someone like feitan or machi, he doesn't exactly have a problem with being vulnerable when you get to know him, he'll tell you about himself, and of course, because he's a criminal he can't exactly tell you what he does for a living, but can't bring himself to lie about it either, he's just hoping that one day, if you know, you won't leave or judge him for it, his childhood isn't exactly all sunshines and lolipops, y'know?

he'll love you from the ends of the earth, but he definitely won't let you walk all over him, quick to put your in your place and won't allow you to manipulate him, he won't lie to you (about trivial things, at least) so why should you? (who knows, maybe you're apart of a criminal organization and is pretty much a wanted criminal yourself :P)

--

bonolenov

similar to nobunaga i think if you want something that's somewhat normal, bonolenov is also a nice choice! (100% not putting him up so high because we don't really know that much about him it's totally because he would be a decent partner! honest!)

for one, you would definitely be introduced to usual romantic gestures and advances that come from his tribe, he'll tell you all about how things work with him, he'll do dances he learned when they were still here for you to show how much he adores you, and dresses you in garments that resemble such from his tribe, it's pretty cute, honestly!

now, what concerns him a bit is.. how you'll react without his bandages, he's not exactly sexy like chrollo but (to me, TO MEEEEEE) he's not the ugliest thing in the world! he just hopes that eventually if you see him in his true form, you don't scream and run away at the sight of him, its okay if you do! ..... kind of.

and if you don't, oh you'll mean so much to him!

--

kortopi

now, here's another one we don't know much about! but i'll try my best either way (i just want to contribute to the lack of attention him and bono get in these spaces.) he's another somewhat normal one, he also doesn't strike me as the type to be the absolute worst, but still is apart of a troupe of murderers and thieves.

similar to everyone else, he'll steal and kill for you (idk if this guy even has a body count but lets pretend he does.) and is a lot more open to being vulnerable than some other members.

now, nine times out of ten you'll be taller than him because this guy is even shorter than feitan, so, he'll definitely be wearing your t-shirts and hoodies, and he ain't complaining about it!

and eventually, he dies, now, honestly, something told you that kortopi seemed... like the odd one out when it came to the troupe, he doesn't seem like the type to be apart of... that! you better hope that hisoka doesn't care about you, or things are gonna turn ugly faster than you can blink.

--

uvogin

he's big (as hell), but he's sweeter (you know why they're in bold italics) than the others twice his size.

physically the strongest, you're rather lucky to have him has your partner, if someone won't stop messing with you, they're dead within a millisecond, or at least scared off since you know.. he isn't exactly built like the average guy and having someone that's eight foot fucking two walking up on you not really excited to see you is quite terrifying, depending on his mood they'll sometimes get away.... sometimes.

enough of that, how is it like when it's just the two of you? sitting on the couch or laying in bed watching movies together, his arm around you, it's basically a pillow! a hard ass pillow at that.

not the most vulnerable, he's not some weird incel who see's women as sex toys or anything, he's decently capable of being in a normal relationship, you won't see each other often sadly, but when you do, he'll pay 95% of his attention towards you, he'll even let you know straight up that he won't know when he'll get back, but he will! ... until he doesn't..

ah yes, his death at the hands of kurapika, how will you react? hell, how would kurapika react to your existence? something tells me that kurapika might kill you too, send you right off with him, or, in a rather strange twist of events, he might try to fuck you and take you to the other side, not in the way of barging into your house and straight up non con, nah, more like a get to know you then get in your pants type of way, uvo won't be there to protect you now would he? of course the latter is highly unlikely, but to be honest it's kind of fun to think about.

and now that you think of it... you don't even know what uvo was doing or where he was going, you choose how you want to react to how you found out about his troupe business.

--

shizuku

another woman! she's similar to another person right below her! she looks cute, but she's anything but!...... sort of.

she's not the best or worst partner, she's pretty normal, a bit distant but it's not something you can't manage, maybe she just needs some space and you're overwhelming her, but something that really gets to you is her forgetfulness.

at first, she'll forget things such as your birthday or your anniversary, but going further into the relationship, she becomes less and less forgetful (she might even remember things that you don't even remember.)

what exactly do you guys do together? well, she does try to partake in your interests, and does try to get things you like!

--

franklin

he's similar to uvo, he's big, he's actually nicer than he appears.

what makes him so low is.. well to be honest i don't know, i don't feel like he could be high up but not so low, so, this is the perfect spot for him.

for one he does have a bit of an anger problem, not as bad as phinks, but he doesn't mind a slight argument, good thing he wont assault you, and is quick to make up for the argument.

i don't know how to write him, so, please forgive me for how small this passage is. :(

--

shalnark

we're starting to get into uh... strange territory, he looks kind, and seems normal, but he's anything but that, he's not the most toxic but he also isn't the most caring and understanding either, similar to nobunaga he's kind of an enigma.

he's a love bomber and very good at manipulating, definitely takes advantage of his rather cute looks, he'll figure out what you're insecure about and compliment those things specifically, i do think he is capable of loving someone genuinely, but he sometimes does things without realizing that they aren't really normal, maybe he's getting his troupe personality mixed up with the one he has with you.

he does come off as sweet at first, brings you flowers and takes you on some rather expensive dates (an uncanny feeling creeps up on you about how the waiters act, but you don't pay much attention to it.) and sometimes he's more distant and a little bit aloof, you take this as him needing his space.

he's not abusive, but he isn't the absolute best partner, there's definitely better out there.

his death doesn't hit you as hard as the others but it was still devastating, you best hope hisoka doesn't come for you, and if he does, you hope he swiftly kills you, because you really don't want this murder clown to take an interest to you.

--

phinks

phinks is another one 'that's kind of odd to me, i don't want to judge a book by its cover and say "yeah he's a piece of shit!!" but again, he's a lot better in comparison to anyone below.

he's similar to shalnark in quite a few ways, one, he does things that kind of makes you think he's a bit of an odd ball, he's intimidating to look at and is the second strongest physically in the troupe, so you're lucky to have someone like him if you're looking for protection.

i don't see him as the type to take you out to fancy restaurants and bring you flowers, stuff like that is a bit too sappy for him, he shows other ways like giving you thinks you like or taking you to like carnivals or other fun events.

his main problem is his anger issues, he won't physically harm you especially if you don't use nen, but he's not above arguing with or yelling at you, he doesn't do it often, but he might call you an idiot or a bitch if you take him to that point.

the relationship is somewhat normal besides that.

--

chrollo

chrollo is weird, some say he's loving, caring, blah blah blah while some might say he's the exact opposite.

for one he is charming, he's a relatively good looking man, he's intelligent, and is looking for someone who's also intelligent.

i feel like chrollo definitely has a type, he likes people who are elegant, he wants someone that'll make him look good while he's in public, he doesn't care much for how people view the relationship outside of that, he also looks for someone with a personality he doesn't want someone who looks good yes, but is boring to be around, someone he can have a deep conversation with and talk about his interests with.

for one, you will not know about the troupe's existence, until he is 100% ready to tell you, which will definitely take a while, but he's confident that the troupe and himself will protect you from anyone who tries to avenge.

now, what makes him so low on this list? well, he's quite manipulative, a gaslighter, too, what do you mean you saw me with another woman? it's all for business, i'm just trying to steal her nen ability.

he does want to be a good partner, but this relationship is kind of a "too good to be true" type, something is happening behind closed doors and the thought is too persistent to ignore.

--

illumi

this guy is... strange, for one, his beady ass eyes make him look like a bug (affectionately), and section.. his very warped perception of what love even is.

i agree with the fandom that he has a breeding kink no doubt, his intention on dating is marriage, and you will bear his children, no ifs, ands or buts.

you'll meet his family but you'll never meet the troupe, he doesn't want you getting involved in fighting (he might have someone teach you some basic self protection) because he doesn't want you to die, that'll fuck with him... kind of, you're basically trapped in the mansion.

his overprotection is toxic on its own, you don't have that much freedom, you can't go shopping unless he's with you (or if he can't be there, one of his servants will accompany you), you're never truly alone unless he's away, and when he's here, things are no better, he's distant and cold, there's not much to talk about with him, sure, he loves you, but doesn't know how to express it much.

--

machi

one out of three toxic ass individuals, one of them consists of machi.

lets start off with the fact that she's cold hearted, as hell, if you cry in front of her she'll look at you like you're crazy, if she's really in that mood she'll tell you that you look stupid and you need to suck it up.

not good with physical touch or romance, who knows how the two of you managed to continue the relationship, she does leave flowers for you but won't tell you that they're from her, won't admit that she's the one who got them for you.

i feel like similar to a certain clown, she won't care much for you if you aren't either powerful or capable of protecting yourself in some way.

but all she's really doing is putting up barriers, she's actually caring in her own weird way, she'll still be there for you, patch up your wounds if you managed to get cut or stabbed and would probably mourn your death.

--

hisoka

were getting lower, and a certain sadist who loves torture is worse, but somehow, hisoka is slightly better than him in some way or another.

for one, hisoka probably won't be that interested in you if you aren't powerful, it would be worse if you were a regular civilian, he'll take that as an opportunity to take advantage of you sexually, physically, psychologically and mentally, and the relationship will be literal hell..

but, lets say you are pretty powerful, dare i say a troupe member yourself, he won't be as interested in fighting you as much as he would chrollo, but he would be interested in... other ways.

how you managed to get into a relationship with this freak is unclear, but you two one day just.. hooked up, and it all goes downhill from here.

he has no problem killing you if he gets tired of you, he already killed two and plans on killing the rest of the spiders, why not kill another? especially you? or, in an alternate scenario where he does manage to kill off all the spider, you're the only one who's left, this can go two ways, one, he can fuck you one last time then kill you, or, he takes you with him! if you managed to have a lasting impression on him, that is.

outside of sex, he just isn't a good partner, he's probably the only one on this list that's probably willing to cheat on you (don't you dare get back at him, both you and your lover will die) he's manipulative as hell, he doesn't necessarily care about how you feel and he'll provoke you just to get a reaction out of you.

--

feitan

and last but not least, feitan, oh boy, good luck to you for managing to have this man attracted to you. (im a feitan girlie, so this one might be a big longer than the rest)

for one, he'll hate your rotten guts for making him feel this way, for making him feel so weak, so emotional... he might even contemplate on killing you, but when that time comes he can't bring himself to do it.

i don't want to say yandere is his default since he doesn't really know how to properly love, because i do think he has some potential, but it does make sense for him, because there has to be something about you that makes you interested in him, maybe you're his polar opposite? maybe you're also a sadist?

he's not the most romantic partner, he doesn't want to come off as vulnerable, or sappy, so, what considers as a date to him? he's the type to probably take you to a cemetery at night as a form of a date.

he will not allow the troupe to know you or you to know them, for one he's going to be teased from hell and back for finally managing to pull someone and second while it appears that he doesn't care for you much, him protecting you from them is his way of showing you that he cares.

he can't find himself being vulnerable, he might teach you his language if you're up for it, and he might bring you some things he knows you like, but thats kind of it, also he won't force you to see him torture people.. unless you betray him in a way.

[acoraxia]

What are your thoughts on shadowpeach?

Fandom wise? I do not care for it.

Canon wise? I believe in men committing crimes while forming the most toxic, unhealthy attachments to one person could lead to such a dysfunctional relationship that it, eventually, turns into a functional one. And also they’re trans and aspec.

Disclaimer: this is all my opinion and people can do whatever they want, i simply have my gripes with some of the fandom stuff. this is just me explaining what i like and dislike about shadowpeach.

I think the most common thing people fall into when it comes to ships—or shipping in general—is how to domesticate these two characters without fully addressing their flaws, personalities, behavior, and their overall choices throughout the original media/show they come from. 

Macaque and SWK both suffer equally through this mischaracterization: Macaque is often painted as this shy or “edgy” character with little to no ties to his actual character in canon and, more often than not, he is perceived as this “dad” type of character when, in fact, he should not be allowed near children for I fear he will bully them nonstop until they sit there in the corner feeling disheartened and miserable about themselves; Sun Wukong is often portrayed as this dumb himbo with little-to-no means of understanding social cues, not understanding emotions in a way that’s very frustrating, and be this yearning, pining idiot who’s still longing for his childhood crush when he did not hesitate to punch this guy in the face multiple times throughout the show. So when they are paired up together it’s this weird mash of people believing Macaque is the better dad with more understanding of human behavior and Wukong is his dumb, doting husband who’s doing his best and cannot stand up for himself when confronted about things.

The amount of times people choose to make Macaque sympathetic by having Sun Wukong’s family side with Macaque when it comes to Wukong’s actions/choices is so vast I could not count them all on one hand. The common trope of having Princess Iron Fan (Sun Wukong’s sister-in-law) become Macaque’s sworn sister is so disheartening to see for someone who read through Journey To The West and thought of how silly the overall family dynamic of the Demon Bull Family and Sun Wukong’s troops was. Removing Iron Fan as Sun Wukong’s literal sister just to have someone backup Macaque and sympathize with him is funny and a bit silly. 

That being said… the canon version of Shadowpeach and its possibilities are, in fact, very delicious.

Canon wise this is what we know about Sun Wukong and Macaque’s history together: 

Sun Wukong and Macaque meet

The brotherhood is formed after Azure meets Sun Wukong, Macaque tags along with Wukong (note: Macaque is not addressed as “brother” by the characters, only Wukong is)

Macaque tries to warn Wukong about how dealing with Heaven might be a bad idea

They share a peach under a tree; Wukong reassures Macaque this plan will work

Wukong carries on with Azure’s plan anyway (yes, azure lion’s plan, not wukong’s)

The brotherhood is defeated and Wukong gets trapped under a mountain

Presumably no one comes to visit Wukong, only Macaque

During his final visit, Wukong is angry that Macaque is free and can’t see the fact that Wukong was trying to do everything for them and his kingdom

Macaque snaps back at Wukong and calls him an obsessive demon before leaving

They have another fallout and fight

Wukong ends up killing Macaque in the aftermath

500~ years later, Macaque and Wukong fight again with Wukong being more apathetic towards their reunion than Macaque is

Macaque obsesses over Wukong continuously (coughs)

Macaque is biased in his retellings of his and Wukong’s relationship (see: all of shadowplay and the scrolls memories)

They fight (again) throughout S3

They somewhat reconcile by the end of S4

We will address the fact Sun Wukong was groomed into going to war by this former celestial warrior instead of having it be because of his own want to protect his family and friends after Heaven refused to pay him the respect he wanted when he first joined their ranks later. Right now we focus on the fact that Sun Wukong is canonically a person people easily fall in love with (platonically) and have a tendency to want to stay close to regardless of what his future actions will be like and Macaque is sequentially obsessed with him throughout the show.

“The hero and the warrior were like the Sun and the Moon. Their light, a protective glow, shining upon the world. Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Either in the Celestial Realms or on Earth. As time went on, the hero attained power beyond comprehension. As the hero's light grew, so too did his shadow. And soon, the warrior was cast in that shadow. In the darkness, the warrior was forgotten by the hero.”

Fun fact: Macaque is never going to be on par with Sun Wukong’s power and he works best as support than he does a duo-attacker along side Wukong. Wukong is on his own power level and Macaque, while being able of holding his own against enemies, could be stomped to death by Xiaoijiao is he crossed the line.

Macaque’s obsession with Sun Wukong comes from the inability to move on from the past; Macaque wanting things to go back as they were is a subtle theme going through the show — he keeps latching on to biased memories and avoiding the actual problems that caused their relationship to fall apart and it isn’t until Season 3’s big confrontation with Long Xiaojiao’s Samadhi Fire ritual. He realizes he abandoned Wukong during a time of need and proceeds to flee, abandoning him again. 

Macaque has issues. More often than not people call out on Sun Wukong for abandoning Xiaotian or the Monkie Kid Crew all while ignoring the fact Sun Wukong does not purposefully leave Qi Xiaotian, he tries his hardest to make it back in time and is visibly scared/horrified when LBD attacks in his absence. Sun Wukong tries his hardest to comfort Xiaotian while Macaque tries to torment him. 

Regardless, Sun Wukong and Macaque’s relationship is unique to most media’s portrayal of friends turned enemies. Because Wukong does not see Macaque as a threat up until he teams up with Lady Bone Demon — he is only scary by association, not by anything he has done up until that point. You can tell with the way Wukong mocks him and calls him something akin to a puppet during their interaction in Season 3 when Macaque trapped him and Nezha in the ice. 

And even then Macaque doesn’t even bother trying to engage with Wukong in a friendly manner because kindness is for losers HA i’m not apologizing for anything, bye Sun Wukong, you big old LOSER [proceeds to possibly live on the streets and stay homeless until wukong allows him to return to ffm under certain house rules]

You’ll notice that Sun Wukong barely has any opinions on Macaque.

This is because Macaque is favored by the narrative more than Sun Wukong is so we have very little context as to how Sun Wukong genuinely feels towards Macaque. 

Sun Wukong sees Macaque as an annoyance, a bother, a threat, a coward, an imposter and then, finally, an ally. 

But all we get from that is Wukong handing Macaque a peach-flavored ice cream pop as a parallel to him sharing a peach with his old friend back when they were young monkeys before he was trapped under a mountain for 500 years as a result of his abuser’s power hold on him that forced him to fight heaven as a way to “make the world a better place”. 

We love to see it.

Macaque and Wukong’s relationship goes from mutual interest and a supportive friendship established years prior to the original building of the brotherhood to a very weird, uncategorized type of dynamic. The only way to characterize Sun Wukong’s “affection” towards Macaque is, possibly, the same way most people would characterize Macaque to be towards Wukong. Y’know the slightly judgmental actions and eye rolls and scoffs of affection most people write about Macaque when Wukong does something stupid? Yeah.

“But Macaque said “this guy” when Wukong was presenting his plan to defeat Azure—“ yeah have you considered Wukong does a lot of masking in the presence of the entire Monkie Kid Crew and Macaque has a tendency to present himself as this cool persona when in fact he’s just a homeless monkey who’s been crashing on his ex’s couch for the past weeks since the ending of Season 3? 

“OK…. but why QPR Shadowpeach?”

Sun Wukong throughout the course of Journey to the West and all its past and future iterations have always had him be uninterested in both men and women. There are multiple instances where he’s capable of courting women and he instead backs away or does not pay it any mind; aside from this he’s heavily implied to only care about familial love and friendships. He does not see his pilgrim brothers as anything more than family and he views Tripitaka as a mentor rather than someone whom he was chained to. And Azure was his idol and he was groomed by him, and everyone else was viewed to him as a troop — or, y’know, a family.

This and the fact that— both Sun Wukong and Macaque are over a thousand years old. Why on earth would they have a normal type of relationship? Giving them a checklist of what passes on as romantic and platonic when to them the line is so blurred it’s barely existent to them is amusing. 

Sun Wukong and Macaque having their own weird relationship where it changes from frustrated best friends to partners to angry middle aged demons to the tired traumatized immortals who sometimes cuddle while still beating each other up is so deliciously interesting and unhealthy to the point where it is healthy. 

Also Celestial bodies are not the same as mortal bodies; canonically Sun Wukong has transformed into women before and people have addressed him with female-leaning pronouns before. my personal headcanon of sun wukong being genderfluid lves on and now we can have sapphic shadowpeach with transfem macaque.

also im still feverish so if this doesnt make sense then too bad damn im sorry

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Which dorm arc do you think was the best written? I liked the ignihyde arc the most if I have to be honest

This might be unfair to the other books (since most of them have fewer parts/less time for their stories + book 7 isn't even complete yet for me to judge), but I think the writing in book 6 is the strongest (as in, "most interesting" and "most narratively sound") so far. What gives book 6 a massive leg up over other books is that the conflicts addressed in book 6 were foreshadowed WAY in advance through other content like voice lines, vignettes (I believe Ortho's Precision Gear), and events (like Wish Upon a Star). It was sooo satisfying to see all of the payoff (and Idia breaking down)!!

I don't think the other books are bad by any means except for book 2, sorry not sorry Leona, I just feel that 6 had a lot of space to touch on more characters and their development than only the Ignihyde boys; I loved catching up with characters we've already met and seeing how they've grown or changed, even in little ways. Additionally, I personally prefer stories with "high stakes" and family-oriented drama involved in them, so they biases me quite a bit toward book 6. The high stakes and family drama angle is also true of book 7, but again, it's not out in its entirety yet so I'm going to reserve my judgment until it has.

Something that's unique to book 7 (and that I wish previous books did, even if it elongates them significantly) is actually deepening our understanding of every character within the dorm. I would have been so bored if book 7 focused solely on Malleus. I loved getting to learn more about what makes Lilia tick, and seeing how Sebek and Silver develop from their experiences. I feel like I didn't get a significant enough of a look into many of the other boys during the main story campaign... Instead, we're often told about things that happened without truly witnessing it for ourselves. I know, I know, that's the whole point of a visual novel--expecting a lot of reading. I still would have preferred like... more flashbacks and scenes demonstrating what we're being told rather than the dialogue doing it for us. Show me how Riddle's relationship with Chenya and Trey has changed since their childhood! Show me young Jack being inspired by Leona's play and wanting to be in the same team as him! Etc., etc., etc. I could always look to vignettes and event stories for more lore on each character, but those are always portrayed as "AUs", whereas the main story is what is 'canon" so it's sort of sad to see that we never get to look any closer at most of the supporting cast upon that bigger stage.

It’s exciting that we now get to see more of the boys since we’re now dream hopping for book 7; I’m just going to hold my judgment for now since I found the pacing uneven and a little quick for what we’ve seen of Pomefiore so far, especially when compared to the longer Lilia dream segment. Again, I find book 6 stronger in this regard but that could be because its scale is slightly smaller and it has fewer characters to juggle. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how book 7 wraps up—maybe it’ll completely win me over!

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

I don't trust Joanne at all.

I don't get why people use Joanne's words and motives as part of trying to figure out Amanda, Wooly, and Hameln.

Now let me clear this up now: I do not think Joanne is a bad person. She is willing to do anything to save her brother. And I think we need to understand that that anything is not within our best interests.

First off, I'm probably a bit biased considering I didn't trust Joanne from the very beginning. We meet this masked stranger who is somehow in our aunt's house. (Seriously, how did she get in there? Kate may have given her the keys but... why didn't she tell us about Joanne at all? If Joanne is helping Kate, shouldn't she have said that Joanne might help us too?)

I mean, I think it was a bad idea for Riley to just go into Joanne's car (and sleep in it no less) considering Joanne hadn't yet given us any real proof of her identity or even her name. Like Riley, stranger danger?!

Like if she had turned out to be someone from Hameln coming to kidnap Kate and/or Riley then this would've been really bad. I know she isn't, but at that point Joanne could've been anybody. And we just... went with her without question.

Then we break into the library with her. Like... even if she had Kate's keys she's not an employee there... so that's breaking and entering.

Then let's talk about Joanne's speech. Kate died because of her. Because she was willing to do anything to get her brother back... because she pushed Kate too far. Joanne admitted that this was mostly- if not all her fault. Now, I think she could be blaming herself a bit too much... it's probably not all her fault. But she also admitted that she used us. For her own gain. Not for Kate or our best interests.

But I think the interesting thing about this is that even though Joanne admits that she did all this... it doesn't stop her from doing it again.

In that Cassette tape, Kate was telling us what she wanted... she wanted us to stop. She wanted us to escape and never deal with Hameln's wrath. But instead of respecting Kate's wishes, Joanne goes directly against them, telling us to fight Hameln.

Once again, I'm not saying Joanne is evil or a terrible person. Just that she's working purely for her own goals... our safety and best interests are not on their radar like they were on Kates.

The whole scene of the Wooly monster killing her could mean anything, not just that it's siding with Hameln. I mean, it could definitely be siding with destroying the tapes... it could also be protecting Riley and Kate from a person who clearly dangerous to them specifically.

That night she screamed at Kate to give her those tapes... and I imagine she was probably pushing Kate really hard to find a solution. Kate and Riley are the only two known characters working in Amanda (and to some extent Wooly's) interests of escaping the tapes and ending the show so it can't hurt anyone anymore.

In the "Do you feel safe tape" Amanda warns us about strangers, and also seems to stop trusting us when she hears Joanne's voice. Remember, Joanne is not working in Amanda's best interests which seem to be our best interests as well. She doesn't want to save Rebecca, she wants to save Jordan. Kate probably knew that destroying the tapes would hurt Amanda and Wooly, she probably would have told Joanne this, but Joanne doesn't care. Amanda doesn't trust Joanne. She has every reason not to. We have every reason not to. For she is someone who is willing to sacrifice anything to save someone she loves... and as noble as that is... that includes us. Kate, Riley, Amanda, and Wooly. If it meant saving her brother... she probably wouldn't think twice about doing something that would bring them harm.

What I'm saying is, both demons recognized Joanne as a threat. Now does this mean they are both working to protect us? I have no idea. But Joanne being a threat to Riley and Kate is an interesting piece of the puzzle to consider.

I don't trust Joanne because she is only in it for her goals and not ours. Not that she's a bad person for doing so, plenty of people could probably imagine being willing to do almost anything to save someone they love. But with a person like that... you just can't trust everything they do and say.

Wooly warned us about strangers. Amanda warned us about trusting people. They were probably warning us... about Joanne.

[abyssalzones]

hey anon! I debated most of this morning what the best way to respond to your ask would be because I'm not going to lie to you it almost made me cry. hopefully a drawing is okay. I wasn't sure whether it was my place to share what you've sent but I did want to answer you properly, and it ended up getting kind of long... so I'll put that under the cut here (sa mention)

First of all you definitely have nothing to apologize for, a major element of my analysis (and what had made me so nervous to post it to begin with) was that it came from a very personal place, and I knew if I posted it I was going to be opening up a lot of doors. good or bad I honestly had no idea but I really hadn't anticipated such an overwhelmingly positive response, and I especially hadn't imagined so many people to share their own experiences with abuse and how what I wrote meant something in relation to that. it makes me extremely glad I bit the bullet and allowed myself to be a little vulnerable about something I enjoy.

there's something almost uniquely weird about being a victim and seeing yourself in a story but not knowing how to express that. it feels like one of those things you can't really say without crossing an extreme line, and any parallels you might be able to draw are therefore Reaching, biased by your own experiences. I've struggled with this a lot as someone who uses art not only as an outlet but a voice for my experiences- and what experiences I think deserve to not only be treated with respect but honesty. there's a lot to be said about the alienation of the victim from the rest of society when sexual assault is so overwhelmingly common in our world, and how difficult it can be to find truthful and respectful depictions of these experiences in... anything, pretty much.

I have no idea if that's what they were trying to do specifically, from a textual angle. but I do think it's possible, and am confident that they at least drew on the subject (both in the instance of Bill coercing Ford to drink and the scene later where Ford is paralyzed), which was honestly what led me to write the analysis in the first place. That "he's kinda like me" moment you describe is something I'd had for a long time but had never been able to say confidently without feeling like I was reading between the lines. But I think you're right. and I think there is a real reason why such a story could speak to people in that way, could be so important for the process of recovery... we can't always conceptualize what happens to us from our own perspective, y'know? we're trapped in our own minds for the most part. so I think fiction works excellently as a way to work through these things and see our worst struggles in someone else- and to come to vitally important realizations of our own.

anyway, all that to say I'm so glad what I wrote helped you come to that realization. hearing that makes me feel like I've done something not only to help myself find some closure, but for others to as well :] healing is always, always possible and I sincerely hope you find your happiness as Ford has, and as I've found mine.

[mackiebeth]

currently thinking about reader, who’s notoriously grumpy and angry all the time, being tough around everyone except their girlfriend, wanda…

although you’re seemingly grumpy with everyone else, you never appear to have any complaints about her. (maybe you’re biased, though... or maybe she's just better than everyone else.)

your anger never manifested physically, though; you only ever fought with your words or actions, like the silent treatment or harsh glares. after years of therapy, you have gotten better at keeping your comments to yourself until you were in a safe place to vent them out. you used to write in a journal before wanda; however, now that she’s in your life, she has offered to be your sounding board for all of your issues because she knows how much it all truly affects you.

while she completely and utterly loves you for who you are (personality and issues included), there are some things that she tries to implement in your daily life in order to further help you with your irritability. for example, she introduced a system for creating healthy dialogue so you avoid getting too heated, either at someone else or when you're simply ranting to her, and saying or doing something you might regret. she also implemented a traffic light system in regard to your emotions and irritability levels: red meaning "don't want to talk" or "too pissed to speak," yellow meaning "i'm not very happy right now, and i want to get it off my chest," and green meaning "i'm doing okay at the moment."

after a few weeks of doing a trial run with the system, she also began to use it; not only with her own issues, but for setting a boundary for herself if she was not in the headspace to provide you the support you may have needed.) so far, these changes have truly worked wonders for maintaining a healthy relationship with wanda, promoting the necessary honesty and communication.

when you do decide to talk to her about something that was bothering you, she would always make the time to listen to all of your rants about everyone and everything being dumb and stupid, whether it be over text or in person. it wouldn’t be mere passive listening, either; she would actively listen to your voice and try to provide advice when needed. if she figures advice isn’t what you need in the moment, she’ll just affirm your feelings and cuddle with you until you calm down a bit.

and you just accept all of her affection — no questions asked. with wanda, you find you actively seek physical touch and words of affirmation, unlike in the past. the second she touches you, even in a non-sensual manner, you absolutely fold. she can't help but adore how soft you have become around her, and she's grateful you have grown comfortable enough with her to simply feel your feelings around her.

(and may the gods above forbid any of the team members mention your newfound softness with the witch, for then they must face the wrath of your anger and her protectiveness.

sam entered, discovering her cuddling you on the couch in the compound's living area one day and decided it was the funniest sight. so, he naturally made a joke about it, stating how she must be the one who "wears the pants in the relationship" despite the personality differences.

"you better start running," the only words that left the sokovian's lips, eyes turning scarlet red.

he scrambled away, and you simply snuggled her closer.)

one of the best dates she planned, in your humble opinion, was “stress-reliever” themed. you both were having a… not very good week, so she decided that the two of you would take the day off to focus on yourselves. she took you to a rage room, in which the two of you took turns smashing everything. afterwards, she drove you both to a secluded picnic area, where you both wrote your deepest woes and secret onto a plate and then smashed them into tiny pieces and proceeded to eat your feelings with all of your favorite foods, which she packed.

she has learned over the course of your relationship that your anger and irritability was a product of both your genetics and your family. not that it has bothered her, because truly it hasn't — you've been nothing but kind and loving toward her. although, wanda, with her inherent empathetic nature, can't help but feel upset sometimes that you had to endure all of that unhealthy hostility while growing up. she just internally hopes that she has helped heal some of your inner child, at least.

occasionally, you have doubts about yourself, thinking you, in all of your 'darkness' and rain-like moods, were not worthy enough to be dating someone like wanda, who you viewed as the practical embodiment of sunshine. she reaffirms the depth of her feelings for you (and all of your various rants) each time you begin to feel like this, stopping the negative thoughts before you begin to truly spiral. she also takes the time to remind you her life is not always ‘sunshine and rainbows,’ given her history in sokovia and then hydra; and, yet, you still love her the same — so why would it be different for you? (it's during times like these that you appreciate how your girlfriend is a literal witch.)

...

a/n: well, i promised, didn't i? enjoy this "little" drabble as a little treat since my interview for that graduate school program went well!

[wilzy-woo]

Ikemen Vampire Suitors ideal type in my eyes 👀 (also sorry if it seems more aimed at girls I tried to make it GN 😭)

Starting off simple with everyone's favourite (or not) sugar daddy COMTE 😍

• Thinks confidence is really hot and he DEFINITELY likes a little bratty type

• Likes independence but LOVES it when they need help just so he gets to look all snug, he doesn't say anything (he might) but just looks at you with his smexy smirk

• Doesn't care much for looks but loves it when they get dressed up OR LIKE THE KIND OF BEFORE SHOWER MAKEUP

• I think that he NEEDS them to be honest like he would hate the "they told me not tell anyone..." Like he doesn't care he would want ALL OF IT spilt to him whether it's serious or not

Next is the love of my life (he wouldn't like me at all)

• He wants an extrovert. I don't care he NEEDS an extrovert. May think he doesn't but Ugh he just does

• Wants someone to stand up for him, he may be able to stand up for himself but he just really appreciates when someone would do that.

• Someone cleverrr I can't stress this enough he wouldn't be able to stand someone who isn't interested or knows a thing or two about science or anything for that matter. He WANTS the "erm actually" person

• Needs someone who loves snow. It's a weird thing but I can just see him loving a snowy date in his delusions

Pookie bear Vincent (am I the only one who isn't a fan of Vincents route? Like it was painfully slow 😔 I mean don't get me wrong I love him but I didn't feel very attached)

•Loves a sweet girl, needs someone to protect and love omg can you imagine someone timid meeting Vincent UGH IT WOULD BE SO CUTE

• Needs their love language to be physical touch, he just screams it

• Wouldn't mind someone bad at art so he could help them with it if they are interested but would PREFER someone who is good at it so they could do cute little dates together

• Wants a very Smiley person like someone who smiles or laughs at the stupidest thing, broken humour type of person

Now Theodore is different his route WAS SO GOOD I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING THE WHOLE TIME even if it was a bit weird and k!nky at some points 🤨

(Why does this photo look massive)

• Chill anyways ALSO wants a bratty person, wants pretty much the opposite of Vincent he finds it such a turn on when they give him a dirty look or roll their eyes at him UGH

• I just know he likes a busty person (ass and chest for girlies) 😔 He seems like that type of person to nonchalantly slap their ass (honestly I'm not a huge fan of that but he would probably do it)

• Definitely likes the weird yappers, the ones who get distracted from one subject they were talking about and moved onto a completely different one

• Likes the observers! People who could just analyse someone easily based on the way they are sitting or talking

UGH MY HUSBAND (this might be biased towards me but I'll try 💔)

(this photo makes me do unspeakable things)

• Wants them to be independent but not TOO independent, he wants them to depend on him for things but also have that nice balance of independence

• Also loves yappers, he's the listening type so being able to listen to their voice for hours on end would be so good for him. He doesn't care what it's about just as long as he doesn't have to pitch in much he's fine with it

• LOVES when someone is indecisive and asks for HIS help with choosing something, knowing that you think he has the best decision making compared to the others is such an ego boost

• Loves someone who isn't afraid to share their opinions. Finds it such a turn on when their mouth is faster than their mind and just says stuff that doesn't even make sense

Arthur oh Arthur let down your hair...I'm not even sure if this is accurate I never finished his route I got bored halfway through 💀

•NEEDS someone humorous, CRAVES IT someone who can take a slightly rude joke and give him one back

• Needs someone with 100+ rizz...no seriously he would find it so funny if you went up to him and said some pick up line with that certain face

•Wants someone who would put him in his place when he does something wrong like overworking or doing something risky ass gambling 💀

• LOVES when their love language is acts of service, something simple like bringing him a coffee when he's writing and sitting down with him in silence, every now and then he'd ask you for ideas or something, just being helpful would make him fold.

• (EXTRA) would laugh if you failed your English GCSES

Mozzy Mosquito is that you 🤨 (I've never done his route so I have no bloody idea 💀)

•WOULD FOLD IF THEY COULD SING. Not like one of those strong voices or rapping NONONO he wants a Lana Del Rey, Alex G and the Florence type of singer , someone with a soft sleepy like voice! He would literally be in love

•CRAVES FOR CONFIDENCE he just thinks it's so attractive for someone to be confident. Like for them initiate conversation and WON'T BACK DOWN (even when he's being a bit of arsey introvert)

• Craves praise. Needs it. Needs someone who praises him and supports him all the way, someone who will get him out of music block by just being there to share ideas or sit there with him for hours telling him if it's good or bad

•Would prefer an introverted lover, he needs someone who is calm and collected and loves it if they come home from an outing and go straight to him groaning and ranting about how much they dislike people

I finished the first chapter of Jeans route I'm sorry if this is inaccurate I literally just go from what I saw of him from the other routes I've played (which isn't a lot ,😭)

•Though he's more of a listener he would also want a listener partner, to be able to sit there in comfortable silence in each others arms. However there will obviously be conversation it would be quiet and would last hours, something deep and personal to the both of them

• would love love love someone with soft slim hands. I don't know why he just seems like the type of person to be obsessed with those types of hands

• Needs someone patient and soft spoken, someone to be able to let his tough exterior break but by bit. A soft voice and reassurance looks like it would get him head over heels

I also haven't played Sebs route I'm sorry 😔

•Probably wants someone who is capable of doing what he's capable of, a helping hand and someone he can rely on without messing up

•Someone who wouldn't mind if he was busy a lot doing something for the mansion as he is the 24/7 working butler 😭 someone patient and doesn't mind sitting in silence just holding eachother after a long day

• Prefers an ambivert, definitely wants to be able to have balanced conversations where they can be bothered listener and talker

• that's all I can think of 😭

I'm going to leave it here and do the other six in another part 😭

[danganronpa-obsession-hell]

The double standard of Sayaka Maizono

Hi! It's been a long while since I've posted here, but I spent Christmas writing this 4 page tangent on this whole ass feeling I have about a Danganronpa character.

Please enjoy.

WARNING FOR MAJOR DRV3 SPOILERS NEAR THE END USED AS A COMPARISON, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR PARTS OF THH AND MENTION OF SUICIDE

Why is Sayaka dictated to be a lying, cheating snake to most of the western Danganronpa audience?

You could say that this is because her plan was to frame Makoto for the murder of Leon, in which yes this is true, and yes, she deserves some criticism for that. BUT, there’s a few points here I’d like to argue in defense of Sayaka.

I’d like to state that Sayaka isn’t even one of my favorites. I like her, but she’s not one of my all-time favs. I have little bias for her. So, this isn’t some kind of hate speech about one of my favorites getting mischaracterized, I just think people should remember these things about Sayaka and a few other characters.

First of all, what was Sayaka’s plan?

Well, she traded rooms with Makoto in secret to the other students in order to murder Leon in Makoto’s room, framing him in order to graduate and leave the killing game. Well, this might be slightly untrue.

Indeed, she did make this plan, but we are forgetting the fact that the presence of the class trial is something that was only announced after Sayaka’s murder, which means she could’ve thought of this situation entirely differently. In her mind, most likely she’d murder Leon, everyone would think Makoto did it, and then she’d be free to go back to her idol group. To her, there would be no lying during a trial and having to face those she lied to and betrayed, they’d be a distant thought left behind as she goes back to her normal life.

Of course, things didn’t go this way, but I’d like to give Sayaka the benefit of the doubt as Makoto does for several other characters.

There’s also the debate of what Kyoko said during the final bits of chapter 1, about Sayaka leaving Leon’s name on the wall in order to ensure Makoto would live. There’s the debate of if she left it so Makoto could save himself, or if this was simply to get back at Leon for, yknow, murdering her. And yes, this could go either way, it’s left up to what the player thinks, but what I do know is that Sayaka seems to care for Makoto a great deal. Remembering him from middle school, the interactions they had in the Danganronpa 3 anime Despair Arc, hell, Sayaka’s free time events make it so obvious she cares for him in a lot of ways.

It’s all up to the player to decide if Sayaka is innocent or not, but saying she never cared for Makoto is what is hard to believe to me.

What is the double standard against Sayaka?

I have reason to believe the fandom is unjustly biased against Sayaka for a few others of its characters, specifically Aoi and Kyoko. Let’s go chronologically, and begin with Aoi

Aoi’s betrayal

In chapter 4, Sakura, Aoi’s best friend in the killing game, commits suicide in order to sacrifice herself and make up to the other students for being the traitor. Because of false evidence planted by Monokuma, Aoi believes Sakura killed herself because the others hated her as a consequence for her betrayal.

Because of this, Aoi plans to frame herself as the killer of Sakura to get herself and the rest of the students killed by way of a wrong guess and execution.

You can already see similarities here, but instead Aoi is aiming to kill everyone including herself on purpose as a way to “die for their sins.” And obviously, she has her reasons to believe this. She’s a very “grab a bull by the horns,” kind of person. She was also very emotional as of just losing her best friend right in front of her.

My argument is, why does Sayaka not get this kind of sympathy?

In Sayaka’s free time events, she mentioned she had to do a lot of unpleasant things to get where she is as an idol, and although we do not hear of these things, it’s left to the imagination, especially because an idol career in Japan is notably hard on younger girls in showbiz.

Both cases, emotions were running high. Sayaka losing everything she worked for in an instant if she doesn't kill someone, and Aoi just losing her best friend right in front of her eyes. So why is Aoi forgiven, and Sayaka not?

In fact I never hear anyone bring up Aoi’s attempted betrayal in chapter 4, almost as if it never happened. Yet Sayaka is treated so much differently when these betrayals are incredibly similar. Hell, you could even claim Sayaka didn’t know anyone but Leon would die for her crime. (In danganronpa the stage play Leon was also acting real creepy towards her so, can you blame a girl for going after the easiest dude like Leon or Hifumi) But Aoi was prepared to let everyone die for a lie, albeit she did not know it was a lie, but the problem still is evident. She was forgiven a lot easier than Sayaka when she had the experience of 4 class trials at this point, fully knowing the consequences of her actions.

All of this could be forgiven, because both are technically Monokuma's fault. And I would forgive it if it was only Sayaka and Aoi. But it’s not.

Kyoko’s betrayal

In chapter 5, Kyoko is framed by the mastermind for a false murder in order to stop her from coming too close to the truth and destroying the killing game. Kyoko claims herself that if she dies, the mystery of the school would never be solved. And yeah, that’s a pretty good reason for not wanting to die. Until Makoto gets framed instead.

The entire ladder half of the trial, Kyoko is actively framing Makoto because there is no other option. Sacrificing him, to keep herself alive. Sound familiar?

You could say a lot more is at stake this time, and also Makoto did end up getting out alive, but Kyoko had absolutely no idea that Alter Ego would save Makoto when he did. Kyoko was fully willing to let Makoto die a bullshit death so she could solve the mystery of Hope’s Peak and the killing game.

Obviously, I do think she feels guilt for this, but again it’s almost as if it never even happened in terms of how often it’s talked about.

There’s also the question of if Makoto did end up dead, where would Kyoko go from there? He was the only one she trusted and told everything she knew to, and if things went wrong that would be it. Byakuya and her butt heads in every trial, Hiro and Toko are both idiots, Hina is entirely too gullible and trusting. There’s no one left to put her trust into as fully as she did to Makoto.

Again, framing someone in order for a selfish goal and not seeing the consequences, these three instances share that one linking factoid.

But while Sayaka is demonized and called a lying snake, Kyoko and Aoi are fan favorites who get a lot of love from fans.

Why are they different?

V3 SPOILERS AHEAD FOR COMPARISON

I think it’s all about screen time. Sayaka was the first murder of the entire series, obviously she’s nowhere near developed as someone like Kyoko, Toko or even Rantaro from V3 as he becomes plot relevant later in the game after his murder. Sayaka does have somewhat the same effect on Makoto that Kaede does on Shuichi, a lingering first death that dwells on the male protagonist as they potentially loved this girl.

There’s also the fact that not everyone in the first Danganronpa game was created equal, as Sayaka and Leon do not have the full 6 part free time events later characters get in subsequent games. (Leon gets 3, Sayaka gets 2, other characters suffer from this such as Mukuro, Taka, and Mondo) This leaves a lot of Sayaka blank, to fill in if you will, and why I think she’s overlooked in general.

There’s one last thing I’d like to say in defense of Sayaka and even Aoi and Kyoko. They’re teenagers.

The class Makoto is in, is first years, they’re basically teenagers still with these incredibly gifted talents being forced to murder each other for their freedom, dumb decisions are evident in this situation. The pressure, the stress, the fear, all of it twisted up can cause anyone to make decisions they normally wouldn’t. And I think that goes a long way for someone like Sayaka. Who worked for her talent endlessly and it obviously means the world to her if she’s willing to murder a stranger/friend to continue it.

In the end, Sayaka made mistakes, she should be held accountable, but she’s not an evil snake who used Makoto as she saw fit. Everyone in Danganronpa should be held accountable accordingly for their crimes, but obviously Sayaka is not as evil as say Celeste, Korekiyo, Mikan, or hell even Junko. Honestly, she was just a teenager in a desperate situation, it’s like cornering a rat, something is bound to happen.

Thank you for coming to my stupidly long ted talk.

[mecachrome]

i swear there is something about landoscar that makes me insane like i got into this fandom and have liked a lot of ships like maxiel, carlando, lestappen etc but there is just something different about landoscar??? idk if it's the dynamic between the two?? or if it's oscar's personality that makes their interactions feel genuine but i would love your analysis or thoughts on this cause WHYYYYYYY have these boys taken over my brain like so??? i swear other ships are literally out here hugging like mad and saying sexual innuendos to each other etc etc and im unfazed but i see oscar and lando have the slightest touch or glance at each other and im feral foaming at the mouth lmfaooooo !!!

omggg anon i answered an ask here about why 814's personalities appeal to Me Personally but maybe i shouldn't get too into that... 😔

anyway idk whether this makes any sense but perso with some rpf ships i find that the myth somewhat outweighs the canon or vice versa — i.e. the "potential narrative" of a ship is really compelling but it doesn't quite exist as it's written in canon, or a ship doesn't have that many compelling extra narratives other than the existing relationship that's strongly visible in canon. and i think these are all great and fun to ship, but i guess as EYE see it it sort of feels like 814 balance those aspects fairly well? like they have a dece amount of sweet and interesting interactions with each other, but obviously they're not best friends and there's enough of this like, sense of repression + the fact of their personalities being not fully diametric but still different enough that it feels like you can take them in a lot of directions. i really like that landoscar aren't quite foils but also aren't "twins" either as some people say, and oscar despite being so lauded as mature is still inspired by lando in many ways and shares the same sarcastic humor as him and enjoys his presence a lot. they work because they aren't opposites but there are enough crucial aspects that separate them so you can make a lot of tropes and aus fit them. which isn't to say you can't do the same with the other ships you mentioned but... idk i'm also just biased because i'm an oscarybroTM so i don't really think about 90% of the grid so i'm fundamentally less invested HLKSDFHLH

also i've mentioned this b4 but my favorite hockey ship (2124) is literally the hockey version of oscar (dorky californian sportsnerd who brings his gaming setup on road trips to play fifa) x his dry finnish linemate whom he doesn't even interact with off the ice but ON the ice they have the most electric wordless chemistry and are constantly aware of where the other is and play beautifully together and get super awkward when reporters try to talk to them about it. so like to me unspoken collaboration IS a beautiful and worthy thing to rpf about.... *__* so clearly i enjoy teammate repression and awkwardness in my ships already but then 814 are kind of even more insane because they're less myth than 2124 so there's SO much to chew on. at least for moi 🥰 icl i'm a little bit anti-pda so constructing intricate rituals to look longingly at other men and laugh at their bad jokes is more compelling to me than straight up skinship/bgp... i was just telling @inchidentally whose analysis i feel like might be up your alley that i don't rly get why people act like oscar's "heart eyes" toward lando are "pr" (???) because from everyth we've been told and see about him it's so clear that he's always been just himself and the level of... unguarded emotion he displays around lando isn't something you can just make up imo. even if it's just little things and they go off and do completely different things off-track (which again i kind of enjoy. like romanze can be guy who goes off to party with models the day after a race x guy who's in bed gearing up his 10th joke about getting his wisdom teeth removed) it makes them rly fun to watch ;__;

[mall0w-rambles]

rambling about tottmnt/mutant mayhem donnie lol

been watching tottmnt, though i haven't watched the final 2 episodes yet. but i think can safely say that, surprisingly, donatello is my favorite turtle in this tmnt iteration. i'm a leo kinnie and i'm also usually a raph fan!!!! how'd he manage to change that?!?!?! i loved both of his episodes so much and i think they might be some of the best episodes of the first season.

TOTTMNT SPOILERS AHEAD‼️

in the bishop arc, each turtle has their own recounting of the events, and all of them are incredibly biased. each turtle makes fun of the other brothers and exaggerates their personalities. but even in his own retelling of the story, donnie was putting himself down SO HARD. he didn't even bother to make himself look or sound cool!! he imagines his own brothers calling him stuff like the worst fighter on the team and a nerd. all the brothers throughout their solo episodes revealed their insecurities. but, to me, donnie seems like the most insecure with the way he talks about himself in comparison to his brothers, and i think that's really interesting. 

also even way back in the movie, this version of Donnie seems a bit less.... intense? than his other versions, i guess? the other donnies were out there constantly making complex machines to help their teams. i've always been confused about where they even get the advanced equipment or  information to make the machines lol. meanwhile, mutant mayhem/tottmnt donnie seems a bit less technologically advanced. if i can recall correctly, i don't even think we saw him build anything in mutant mayhem. more so he was good at coming up with solutions on the spot, which is also really interesting for his character (examples: him suddenly jamming the stirring wheel wuth his bo staff during the garage fight to stop the car, him remembering and referencing...... attack on titan, of all things, to stop superduperfly). i like that he wasn't portrayed as just book-smart.

donnie still definitely has an interest in tech tho, but now he also has other very teen-like interests like anime and k-pop. he's not just a nerd now, he's a nerd AND a geek lol. in my opinion, he's pretty realistic. he's still smart but to just a believable degree for a teenager.  i feel like I've actually met people in highschool who were just like donnie.

i also have a LOT of thoughts about ep 10 (donnie goes deep), but i think i might need to rewatch it first.

[hotteoki]

your personal healthcare companion (c.s.b.)

pairing: soobin x fem reader (pronouns only used at the last bit so you can skip it if you'd prefer a gn reader)

wc: 1.4k

cw: none afaik

notes: i just see him as tadashi idk hes so tadashi coded

for @yrhome : have a soob

beomgyu nudged your ribs from beside you, drawing your attention away from the board and mr seo's words, "wanna ditch the last two classes after lunch?" you checked your timetable, ms kim, she couldn't give two shits about her students. nodding, you placed it back in your bag, "sure. where are you thinking?" he hummed, "anywhere where we won't be caught." you didn't need him to name drop to know he was talking about his roommate, soobin.

soobin wasn't a typical student in a typical university, unlike you and beomgyu. he excelled in all his classes and was extremely popular amongst teachers, always getting gold merits and compliments anywhere he went by students and parents alike. it was how he got accepted into the best technology institute in the country. he had never approved of beomgyu's carefree influence on you, although he knew it would be difficult to change your minds.

you had met soobin a couple of times, and he was cute, you admitted. it was obvious to anyone, you could be a bit biased, given your teeny, tiny crush on him. you would rather die than tell beomgyu that, though. you were fairly certain he would scream dramatically in agony and horror, then proceed to give a forty minute speech on how he was cuter, and how you should have a crush on him instead. his usual unprovoked salty comments about your practically non-existent relationship with soobin was enough for your brain to handle.

"i was thinking the seaside? the one that's not too far," beomgyu leaned back, rocking slightly on his chair. you began discreetly packing your things up, "sure." as soon as the bell rang, the two of you made your way down the stairs. checking for teachers and security, you managed to sneak out on your bicycles by the back gate.

a few meters away from the seaside, you noticed a familiar figure ahead of you. "beomgyu," you called. he groaned in response, "i know." both of you gradually stopped in front of soobin leaning against his car, an exasperated expression on his face. "aren't you two supposed to be in school?" he sighed, crossing his arms. beomgyu dismounted his bicycle before racking his brain for an answer, "it was crazy. a rat infestation happened and thousands of rats swarmed the classrooms, and we had to run for our lives. they even said they might shut the school down."

"not because you just felt like ditching?" soobin's gaze switched to you, softening slightly while his fingers fiddled with his glasses clutched in his hand. after months of not seeing him, you had forgotten just how cute he really was. you cursed the unfortunate situation that you were wearing your drabby school uniform and not a decent outfit. you turned to beomgyu for an answer, certain that the second you opened your mouth you'd start blabbing whatever nonsense came in your head. you swallowed thickly as you took a secret glance at soobin, oh no, here come the feelings.

"no, it was definitely the rats," beomgyu pushed his grown-out highlighted hair back, not convincing at the slightest bit. "oh really now?" soobin asked sarcastically. "yes really," beomgyu fired back, "how'd you even know we were going to be here?" soobin rolled his eyes, "not the point, get in." he opened the door to the back seat, waiting. before you could follow beomgyu into the back seats, soobin placed a hand on your shoulder, stopping you, "sit in the passenger's seat."

a sound of protest could be heard from inside the car, "that's where i always sit!" "well, not today. you don't deserve that seat," he replied simply while making his way to the other side of the car and opening the door for you. you smiled, praying your blush wasn't that obvious as you walked around the car, taking your seat.

after nearly fifteen minutes of being in the car with you having no clue where you were going, you began scrolling on your phone to pass time. "where are we even going?" beomgyu whined, kicking soobin's seat gently to make a point. "you'll see," soobin glared at him from the rearview mirror, "and stop kicking my seat unless you want me to drop you off here and you can walk home by yourself". that shut beomgyu up.

"we're here," soobin announced, turning off the engine as he parked in the carpark of his institute. "what are we doing here?" you had never been here before, and you were definitely excited to see soobin's workspace. "just visiting," he replied nonchalantly. "why? i wanna go home," beomgyu dragged out his vowels, clearly fed up. "i'm really considering changing the locks to our apartment," soobin muttered to you. you didn't fail to notice his genuine smile at your laugh.

"this is taehyun, he's a student from two years below, but we share a work room, he's your year, actually," soobin introduced as you stepped into a fairly large room, spare pieces of metal scattered everywhere, along with a few gadgets hung up on walls. taehyun looked up momentarily to wave, before lowering his head and continuing working on his machine. "what are you working on?" you asked curiously.

"it's an ironing-folding machine. i mean, we have washing machine, drying machine, but we've never had ironing or folding machine, and this machine does just that. 2 in 1 as well," taehyun gave it a pat, a proud grin plastered on his face. "you have my undivided attention," beomgyu practically hopped over, eager to know more. "you are so lazy," soobin shook his head. beomgyu only stuck out his tongue.

"come on, i have to show you something," soobin guided you away, leading you to his corner of the room. he pointed at a little red carrier hidden behind his stacks of papers and chairs, "there." "what's that?” you stepped closer, examining it. "pinch me." you turned to stare at soobin, unsure if you heard him clearly, "what?" "pinch me, it’s part of the thing."

you did so, earning an "ouch!" from him. as planned, the box began to open, and a white, sweet-looking robot stepped out. it began walking towards the two of you, stopping a few feet away and waving, "hello, i am baymax. your personal healthcare companion. i was alerted for the need of attention when you said 'ouch'." "it's so cute!" you gushed, stepping closer to examine 'baymax'.

a screen popped up on its body, "on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?" "one," soobin replied. "i will scan you now," its head moved up and down on soobin's body, "scan complete. you have a slight epidermal abrasion on your forearm, along with unusual sped-up heart palpitations. my scan suggests it is related to emotional feelings of attraction towards-" as baymax adjusted its body to point at you, soobin interrupted panickedly, "i am satisfied with my care."

upon hearing those words, baymax waddled back to its charging port. "you like me?" you looked up at soobin's avoiding eyes. "no?" "yes he does!" taehyun yelled from outside the room. "don't leave the door open, stupid," beomgyu laughed from the doorframe, shutting it. soobin shut his eyes, holding back a sigh.

"you're not playing with me right?" you had to be sure. "yeah, uh, yeah, i've liked you for a long time now," soobin held his hands to his face, covering his reddening cheeks. "you're kidding, i thought you didn't like me back," you gaped. he peeked from the gaps between his fingers, "huh?" "soobin, i've had a crush on you for like probably over a year now," you let out a laugh as you said, surprised this wasn't a dream. "oh," he put his hands down, "oh."

"at least they're finally confessing," taehyun leaned against his desk, eyes flickering to the now shut door of the room where you and soobin were. "i know right? i had to deal with her heart eyes and love sick sighs whenever we saw soobin," beomgyu brushed his bangs out of his face. "i'm pretty sure it was love at first sight for soobin, he would not shut up about her ever since he met her," taehyun laughed. "are you serious? so the reason i have to deal with their giggles and smooches is because of me? i'm too influential," beomgyu shook his head, disappointed at himself. "whatever, they're happy now, i guess," taehyun shrugged.

"you know what? we deserve our happiness too. tell you what, i'll be your first investor in your invention," beomgyu placed a hand on taehyun's shoulder. after a few moments of consideration, they shook hands. "it's a deal."

[vamphorica]

How would a female Mello, matt, and Near be?

absolutely wonderful question, anon, thank you so much. if you've been on my blog for any length of time, it is probably not surprising that i've given this a lot of thought and, putting aside my intricate transgender speculations for the time being, let's gender swap the wammy's creatures, and consider how that could impact their narratives within death note.

note: i will still be referring to all three using he/him pronouns, but this is not intended to be intentionally contrary. feel free to substitute whatever pronouns your heart desires throughout.

♀ mello -> mihaela may be a little bit obvious, haha, but if mihael is a croatian name that means 'who is like god', and we need to retain the letter 'm' for obvious reasons, i think it works well as a feminine alternative name. mello is relatively androgynous as an alias, if not slightly masculine, but i think it is fine given what i'm about to talk about.

mello's canonical gender expression is already nonconformative, so it is interesting to speculate what he would he look like if he were a girl. one of my absolute favourite genderbent depictions of mello is this piece by thekatzone because it still retains mello's visual ambiguity but in the opposite direction. i do think he would dress more masculine as a woman not only because his subversive appearance is a very significant aspect to his character, but also because of how it might relate to his position in the mafia.

mello spends a significant amount of time in the manga and anime in hypermasculine environments despite his presentation, and i think it is important to retain this idea even if he were to be genderbent. i do think mello would have had a much harder time, if it was at all possible, in attaining a leadership position within the mafia as a woman. the women who frequent the base are implied to be sex workers, and so i'm genuinely curious as to whether mello would have felt able to approach the organisation as a masculine presenting woman, or whether he'd seek out a different group. in which case, what would that group be? would he have been able to effectively carry out his insane plans in the same capacity?

i have very little doubt mello would still have been ambitious, but i actually don't think that he would have been able to pursue his goal to catch kira before near as he went about it in the series. certainly light would not have taken him seriously if the voice he heard down the phone was higher pitched, and that alone could have greatly impacted how sayu's kidnapping played out, as underestimating mello could have easily resulted in her death.

♀ matt -> apparently mail as a name means 'pleasant', and that is very funny to me. i quite like the name maille, which is irish, so fits nicely with a vague headcanon i haven't fully developed. i also learnt it is the name for a brand of mustard, and i think he would appreciate that. matt as a pseudonym might have to be changed to matilda, or martha.

while i am under no illusion that matt would be the kind of girl to give a shit about their appearance, i do think in another life, he would have made an excellent e-girl twitch streamer. i can imagine him wearing cat ear headphones and miniskirts, and referring to "chat" every five seconds. rest in peace, mail, you would have loved twitch subs.

regarding matt's gender identity in the canon series, i think that it worth considering how he might have responded differently to surveying others as a woman rather than as a man. i think matt's approach to watching others is very informed by his own personal biases, which I think are definitively masculine. The most clear example of this is how he describes misa as "an awfully cute japanese girl" which, while isn't necessarily the worst thing said about a woman in this godforsaken series, demonstrates that matt's perspective on women is superficial at best. this isn't helped either by the fact that he completely fucks up when guessing misa's age, even going so far as referring to her as a "child".

i think a female matt would probably feel the most overwhelmed of the three by societal expectations of women, and may even distance himself away from femininity. i'm not trying to suggest here that matt's comments imply he's misogynistic, but i actually think matt is the most masculine of the wammy's kids, which may be controversial, i don't know. i believe that he retains his masculine personality in this genderbent scenario.

♀ near -> i love the japanese pronunciation of near's name, nia, as a girl's name that he could use as an alias. natania has the same meaning as nate – 'gift of god' – which does not match his character at all, haha, but that is what i managed to come up with.

near is the easiest to consider gender swapping because to me, he's a girl anyway. you can point to his female voice actors in the anime, or his long hair in the 2020 manga one-shot, but he is also so clearly coded as a feminine character, a contrast from not only mello's aggressive impulsivity, but the masculine environment of law enforcement. with halle as a notable exception (who herself is very masculine, but another post, perhaps), near is markedly different from every other character in the series. some might say he resembles his predecessor, but i think they are very distinct from one another as characters.

my personal opinion relating to mello and near's gender identities (which you may disagree with) is that mello expresses his gender ambiguity externally whereas near does so internally. essentially, if we interpret them both as androgynous, mello's appearance is far more expressive of this, whereas near's behaviour is his more nonconformative trait. this can be a slightly tricky area to navigate as it's important not to dive headfirst into gender essentialism, but i think near's mannerisms can, and should, be explored here.

girl near would still be able to work as head of the spk, without the disadvantages girl mello would face to become head of the mafia. i really don't think there would be much in the way of significant plot deviance if near was female, other than maybe light freaking out over the fact he was caught by a woman, which would be very funny. in the one shot, near's internal androgyny has manifested itself as a more external expression, and i really like that decision.

to conclude, i do love the concept of the wammy's girls, and i think it invites some interesting discussions relating to how femininity is often dismissed in death note. there's a lot of creativity in genderbending characters. mello, matt and near each have complex and interesting traits that are very fun to explore when thinking about them from this perspective.