#i mentioned the character line thing as an example of how different your experience reading the two could be!

[daily-linkclick]

(im sorry if this sent twice my computer did a weird thing as i was typing out my ask and idk if it sent prematurely)

i just caught up to the orv manwha on webtoon (ep 158) should i pick up the novel where it leaves off or should i pick it up from the beginning? like... how different is the manwha if it differs majorly anywhere in the story (personally got a lil annoyed at it misgendering nirvana in the chapters following after they said theyre neither man nor woman :/)

dw you're good it only sent once!

i'm not the best person to ask this because i'm (apparently?) one of the uncommon ones who read the webnovel first! from what i've heard the webtoon is fairly accurate, but it skims! there's some really good subtle character moments that don't get shown (which i can see why, a webtoon is more costly both in time and budget than making than a novel). and also from what i've personally seen they removed a character's line teasing kdj's romance with yjh. it was pretty funny and i'm sad they removed it LOL

plus if you start from the beginning you can get used to how the novel is structured! it has honorifics for a lot of characters and the names are structured as last name then first name which looks more natural to me LOL. i read a *bit* of the webtoon because i wanted to see how some things looked, and the webtoon does not capture kdj's thought process as well as the webnovel. a lot of his personality and how we get to know more of him comes from his thoughts, and i assume the webtoon cuts most of them for time and readability.

(also my god im so sorry to hear about nirvana, iirc they use they/them for them in the novel with the occasional gendered pronouns? so not as bad as what you mentioned lol)

so tl:dr, i personally recommend reading from the beginning to get used to how the novel is structured and written, and to get those very nice characterization that might be lost in the webtoon!

[sunnysam-my]

Hazbin Hotel redesign ideas p. 2

I am a bit of fashion, especially men's, history nerd, and I'm also a bit of radio nerd, so here I go, biblically accurate Alastor.

ALASTOR:

Alastor was a radio host (a radio star?) who lived and died in Louisiana. He was shot during a hunting accident, in the head, somewhere in the 1933, during radio's golden era. He cares greatly about his image and always smiles to show no weaknesses. He hates modern technology and doesn't allow his face to be captured by video recording or non black and white camera. His is mixed-race Creole.

Nothing about Alastor design make sense and it pisses me off. Not only it doesn't fit the time, it also doesn't fit his character! Besides, he is too red. He disappears into the background, especially walls of the Hotel.

Alastor cares about his image greatly, yet his clothes are torn. He is supposed to be like Hannibal, yet he looks like an edgelord wannabe. It's awful. I learned nothing about him from his design, other than "he's and old-time radio deer guy", and that's really bad.

Fashion in 30s was inspired by Hollywood, and sport and movies celebrities.

Back and white fashion in this period wasn't that different, at least for men, as long as you weren't poor, but here are some photos of specifically black fashion in 30s. In general I recommend that website if you want to look more into the fashion of this period.

His hair is completely wrong. And it's also really ugly lol. For richer black men a shiny straightening hairstyle was the go to since 1920s. One such style was "the conk" where one would chemically straighten their hair. It left hair shiny, but the process was painful and expensive. It literally could burn your scalp.

Another popular style was the brush wave. It's creating narrow waves rolling on top of head with the sides cut short and smooth. This hairstyle is still present to this day, but nowadays it's done on the whole head.

Other than that, men just wore their hair naturally, but short.

There is no focus on trousers or vest in Alastor's outfit. (Which is wild considering zipper fly was introduced in the early 30s, but was got popular by the mid ’30s). This was time of experimenting a bit with vests. If you wanted to look fancy and/or formal, you would wear a vest. Pants were wide legged, had a high waist and a single pressed line down the center of the leg. Some trouser waistbands were unique in the 1930s, for example a Hollywood waistband trouser. It had an extra wide band with a double row of buttons. They fit very high, overlapping the ribs. they often had netal ring tabs on the sides to tighten the pant to the correct fit without the need for belts or suspenders.

Also, monocle? Really? …Really? Here you go, read this if you're curious. Lots of pictures of glasses included. Glasses stayed essentially the same in 30s as they were in 20s. They were "round with a center bridge in the early years and an upper bridge in the later years. Frames could be tortoiseshell, black plastic, or thin metal." 

Moving on from fashion, because I could never shut up, microphones!

The most probabale one that everyone who is redesigning Al is drawing is a good old classic Carbon mic. It looks like a ring with a metal star and the microphone inside. It can be hand held or a staff.

But, if you wanna draw something different!

Other than Carbon mic there is also a Ribbon microphone (first row) and Moving Coil mic (second row). Unfortunately, they killed Alastor in the best part of the radio golden age, so the mics are still a bit ugly, not gonna lie.

How would I design him:

First things firsts, either he is mixed or he is white, because right now it just feels like a cheep excuse to have an "evil voodoo" character without getting too much backlash. Let's be honest, nobody thought he was a POC and that white face doesn't help. Again, just like I mentioned with Vel, when you're drawing a character with human like skin tone you have to be careful and think how it ties to their race.

Second - fashion. His outfit and hairstyle is a disaster. He has always tried to 'dress to impress', so obviously I would give him well maintained clothing and that 'high quality', formal style. I would give him the dark brown Hollywood trouser with buttons and dark crimson shirt, like dried blood almost. Under a coat or jacket he would have a brow vest, both the same colour as the pants. Highlights would be golden and green or purple. I for one would love to see him start out with a jacket/coat which he stops wearing inside the hotel after he bonds with the people inside it more, but he would still wear it outside and in the finale would put it on again, after his breakdown in the tower. This would show he began to trust the hotel residents a bit before he 'realises his mistake' after the battle. I would give him short haircut, because not even white people wore hair like that. (What in the Karen-core is it supposed to be?). Say goodbye to that monocle. Why is it even there there? Because he is old-timely? What is he, a children's cartoon villain? His design doesn't need more soulless clutter. Give me something that tells me about him as a character. I've seen people give him old radio as teeth or chest and I love it! When it's not too detailed, it's a great idea to make Alastor less like a living human but also less of… just a deer. He just looks like a deer demon. I would keep his shoes, hands and antlers, and give him ears that would fit the hairstyle I would go with.

[Edit: I forgot to mention, I would give him a time accurate hat or a free wavy lock of hair to cover the mark on his forehead where he was shot]

Thirdly, the microphone! My love. I remember the microphone used to be able to talk, but now it doesn't, unless I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure. Now it's just a weird look staff microphone with an eye and that's about it. But imagine something like a moving coil with the metal sign on top of it were the letters on it change. It could be a way it's communicating, in a simple way. This was it could still have a unique shape. That would have been fun to see. I can certainly imagine it being something of an 'unfiltered voice' of Alastor, where it would change it's writing into "Shut up", "Die" or something like that and he would hit it in a reprimanding way to reverse it to "Smile!". I'm just saying, that's a cool idea.

Well, this took forever to make, I actually forgot about this, so it just sat in my drafts. Anyway, if you want to see brilliant use of costumes and detailed, accurate depiction of fashion (especially black and queer) through history in New Orleans I recommend "Interview With The Vampire" (2022). It's also a great show.

[cy-cyborg]

Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]

One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”

I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.

This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.

Let me use my partner as an example:

Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.

I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time. It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.

This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.

[nrdmssgs]

Activision doesn't understand, how Russian language works

Spoilers to CoD MW3 below the cut.

@sofasoap @siilvan @cumikering @stag-beetle-wastaken @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot be my guests.

First and most important: this rant is not aimed to 'make Russian culture great again'. I am not offended as a representative of some cultural or linguistic group. But as a member of gaming community, I feel, as if Activision... kinda didn't give a flying f about the gaming experience, that they are trying to sell me for 60 Euros. And I can't say, I like this feeling.

Second: I will be criticizing some approaches to language, that I will never criticize in fanfiction. Because you guys are doing it for free, for the sake of having fun. So I will be ok with you just straight using Google translate to write e.g. Nikolais lines in Russian. Because you never ask me to pay 60 Euros for the right to read your works. With that being mentioned, lets roll!

Activision doesn't pay attention to their own script, when it comes to Russian lines

Ok, this is a major issue. Because Activision sometimes gives completely different information in character line and in the subtitles. And it is not some minor information, we are talking about major plot details!

Let's just watch 20 seconds of a playthrough (time code 8:44)

Pay attention closely to how Makarov starts his monologue after Nolan says "Its an honor, commander". Makarovs subtitles say 'four years', when Makarov says something like 'shest let'. "four" in Russian is "chetyre", "six" is "shest`". These words sound nothing alike! And to check this, you literally need 5 seconds on google translate! Here, Activision, I did your work for you and I don't even ask for 60 freaking Euros! You learn these numbers on your second-third lesson of Russian 101!

There are ways to fix this scene. There are even ways to do it without reshooting Julian (because ok, I get it, maybe he costs so much, that all our 60 Euros purchases would never help Activision to economically recover...). All you need is to ask him to record TWO WORDS!

Activision doesn't care for wording even in the simplest proverbs

You remember a saying "enemy of my enemy is my friend"? I mean, of course you do, even John Price remembers it! And you know, who forgot this saying? Activision did! Because honest to god, I was very happy with our new Yuri, until he produced this ominous linguistic construction... (time code 56:10)

And if you think, it sounds just a tad off in English... Well, in Russian this sounds, as if a Colonel, a man, who spent tenths of years constantly communicating with soldiers, superiors, officials, started learning Russian... a month ago.

This is an international proverb, it exists in many languages! Now this is a safe case to use an automatic translator! It gives you a very simple answer.

But for some mysterious reason, Activision writes their strange line, translate to russian and find a poor-working synonym so that Yuri doesn't say 'opponent' twice... And in the end it kinda still makes sense, but this whole phrase sounds so off!! You never choose this sick long, overloaded wording for a proverb, that you literally learn at school. They just make it look like zarin is already there and it affects Yuri heavily.

This is just one example, but in reality, almost every Makarovs monologue sounds very strangely formulated. I just got you one example, but believe me, this is a systematic issue here. And the strangest thing is that all their errors are so easy to fix, but they never bothered!

Activision doesn't care for how Russian sounds

Ok, this is not a rant against Julian Kostov. The guy does his wor absolutely gorgeous! He steals every scene, where he appears, and I have nothing, but respect for him. However... Russian is a complicated language. For real. It is full of long words, with many unfamiliar for European ear sounds. It is not only difficult to understand it - it is complicated even to imitate it.

Now apparently Julian knows Russian to some extent just because of his origin and age. But that doesn't save him from swallowing some letters, syllables, sometimes even big parts of words. And when it happens in almost every line of his character - it becomes an issue. An issue, when even Russian-speaker has to read subtitles to understand, what is going on in a scene with two Russian characters!

This whole scene is a nightmare (time code 1:42:54). Replaced letters, disappearance of parts of words, strange accents - they collected a bingo on this one.

And I dont blame actors here! Because on every shooting there is a director - a guy, who is responsible for how overall scene will look and sound in the end. There is always a possibility to find someone, who actually speaks the language and make them sit and listen! And if there are many issues with pronunciation revealed - you just come to your actors and say 'guys, you did amazing jobs, we are so happy to work with you. Now can we please do another shot and pay attention to these lines of yours?'.

And believe me, it is ok to have multiple shots for ingame cutscenes! Actors are ok with that! I don't ask for a perfect pronunciation, I just ask Activision to make sure, their characters don't sound as if they are speaking gibberish!

The most strange part here is that there are super-clean lines in game as well! Milena spoke with accent too, but she sounded clear! Some NPCs sounded perfect!

So Im sorry, but at the end of the day - this your most accurate Russian character by Activision. Because he chose to speak English.

[tavyliasin]

The Abdirak Essay - Fandom, Pain, and Loviatar's Love

Another day, another Lia Essay - and if you're really really deliciously sinful my very dear darlings, I shall give you yet more when the sun rises again upon the morrow. So, today in Niche Fandom Adoration Hours, I give you:

For The Love of Loviatar: Why Discomfort Can Be Delightful, How Agony Alleviates Anguish, and All The Ways Abdirak Fans Are Also TavyliaSin's Very Favourite People (Who Also Probably Need A Hug) ((Do We Love The Long Titles?)) (((If No, Consider This Essay Title Part Of Your Penitance)))

The themes of this essay will discuss: BDSM, Kink, Chronic Pain, wounds/injury, Acute Pain, Mental Health, mentions of harmful behaviours, a discussion of psychological elements from someone with absolutely no formal training or experience, vague mentions of trauma, and the magic of friendship. So please make sure you are in a comfortable place within yourself if you feel any of the above might be difficult to read for any reason. It is ok to skip sections as each has a topic header, or you can leave at any time. Nobody is judging you for that at all. Additionally, NSFW discussion further through, so minors DNI as usual. Very little of my blog will ever be suitable for under 18s, for your safety and for mine. Editing in to add a link to the Abdirak fandom gift to chronic pain pals A Cameo from Declan (Abdirak's Performer) (Fully SFW)

All that said, the main theme of this piece is actually:

To truly understand suffering is to avoid being its cause.

So, let's understand what "Suffering" is first, shall we, Dear Ones?

The Difference between Pain and Suffering

Lia hasn't completely lost the plot darlings, the two words may seem almost interchangeable but they are not. At the very least, this is the interpretation I have and the discussion that follows will stick with it too~ Pain is the sensation itself, whether physical or mental, it is the hurt, the bruise pressed upon, the moment a heart breaks. That is pain. Suffering on the other hand, is the effect that the pain has. It is the anguish, the torment, the overwhelm and the exhaustion. So, whilst two people might have the same pain, let's say a stubbed toe for a simple example, their suffering might be very different. One might feel able to walk it off, maybe swear a little and move on. Another might need to sit immediately, feel tears in their eyes, or even become utterly overcome by misery from the intense sensation. This might sound like a difference in tolerance, but it can also be seen as taking the bigger picture into account. One brick might not feel so heavy to someone with empty hands, but added to a pile of bricks already carried it may feel as if it weighs a dozen times as much.

What about Abdirak? How does he relate to Pain and Suffering?

When I first heard Abdirak speak, I knew he understood this concept to its very core. His goddess wants pain, but in himself he does not seem to want actual suffering. He does draw a different line, with pain being physical and suffering being the mental aspect, however the principles are very close to my own. Some people might see Abdirak and judge him as cruel, as a torturer delighting in anguish, but that could not be further from the truth. When he speaks of delivering pain with a loving hand, that really is meant. When he was speaking to the player character, for a moment I felt so intensely seen when he speaks of seeing a greater suffering.

"Forgive me, but that look in your eyes - something terrible has happened to you. ...I see those same eyes when I look in the mirror, dear one."

This, to me, was such a moment. He recognises trauma easily, and we also have this chance here to either interpret this as "oh, right, the tadpole stuff, the things in the game" or we can allow our own feelings about a player character's backstory as the interpretation of what he has seen. Either way, he immediately offers to alleviate that suffering with pain, something he is familiar with, something he knows to help from personal experience. There's the important point. His motivation is not to cause hurt, but to relieve it.

How does pain make anything better?

Deep breaths loves we're getting to the heart of a few things here and it may get heavy. At the most basic broken down level, right at the bottom of everything, it's about distraction. Pain is instant, sharp, a sensation that draws our nerves tight and fires off that electricity directly into our brains. It takes our attention and focus away from whatever else is on our minds. Usually? This would be detrimental, to be unable to concentrate on something because pain is intruding. However, think back here, "delivered with a loving and measured hand." This is precise pain, sensation that is welcomed and applied with expert care in order to reach that point right between where pain is suffering and where it cuts out the thoughts. BDSM darlings will know this as similar to "subspace" which I will discuss later~ Whilst there is some short term benefit to using strong sensation to distract the mind and alleviate intense distress, if taken into real life scenarios there are a lot of things to consider, and it is far better to speak with a therapist. Though the most commonly suggested low-harm methods can be things like gripping an ice cube for a minute or two, or even something like exercise that can push the mind to focus on the body instead of the source of the distress. The element of penance is also there. Abdirak brings to the fore those thoughts of struggle and guilt, so those are the thoughts that are stripped back by the physical pain. It's intentional, careful, and taps at the other core of using pain to alleviate suffering.

Why we love Abdirak, and the importance of recognising the weight of unwarranted guilt.

Remember my little villain essay? Back then I spoke of how a love for villains can also come from the way we are prone to judge ourselves unfairly, to heap undeserved guilt at our own feet, and to believe every slight mistake to be a heinous sin. Sorry, darlings, the only heinous "sin" you are allowed to believe in is me. Name puns aside... Part of the draw is indeed right there, believing ourselves deserving of punishment it's appealing to want to submit to that and find absolution from everything we judge ourselves for. And yet, it isn't a horrific thing, it's coloured by love and affection. The Love of Loviatar from Abdirak does not ignore that first part. But I do encourage you, if you are feeling particularly called out right now, to stop seeking punishment for things that are objectively not your fault, and instead treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness. By all means continue to indulge in our beloved priest of Pain and the joy he brings, but do so without any negative self-assessment, alright? Good, I'm glad we agre- THAT MEANS ALL OF YOU. No exceptions.

And what of the Fandom?

Ahh Abdirak fandom. Small, loving, welcoming, and utterly devoted~ Similarly to villain fandom (Abdirak is obviously not a villain, but is arguably villain-coded), his fandom also draws a lot of kindness and understanding. Despite how we might see ourselves, we are remarkably free from judgement in how we treat each other. There's endless encouragement, genuine warmth, and alongside spicy takes that might make lava look like a suitable spot for ice fishing there's a profound amount of respect and consent. By which I mean, there's no shame. There's no allowance for "I hate that character you like", or "that kink is bad because I don't like it". Tags and CWs are applied to posts and works with care and nobody is treated poorly for enjoying what (or who) they enjoy in the fictional space. To go back to the quote at the start of this essay, "to truly understand suffering is to avoid being its cause." I feel the vast majority of us have that depth of insight and recognition for suffering and have the empathy required to wish to avoid it. And that is why I would perhaps feel safest in the company of Abdirak fans (and likewise Raphael fans), there's another level of connection in those tadpoles~ Which leads me neatly forwards to...

Endurance: Abdirak and Chronic Pain Sufferers

Here, loves, we're going to get a bit more personal. Those of us with chronic pain conditions may find an even deeper connection. So I'll go over a little for those who are fortunate enough to not have personal experience here: Chronic Pain - This applies to pain which is constant or frequently recurring, that lasts (and/or is expected to last) for more than 3 months. It's not like a broken bone that heals and has an end, it's not like a few headaches that come and go with little consequence, it is either always present or always on the edge of flaring up at any time. It's different to acute pain, because most conditions have no cure, many barely have any treatment so all one can do is try to endure the worst of it. The other side-symptoms can be reduction in physical ability, exhaustion, mental health difficulties (because for some odd reason constant pain is not a path to happiness), low self esteem, and of course carrying the guilt of feeling like a burden if you need help from others (you are not a burden, and anyone who says so can receive the blessing of forever feeling like there is a stone in their shoe that they cannot find). As an aside, this can apply to chronic mental health struggles too - it is still pain, only a different kind. Though I will be looking primarily at physical pain here, as that's where Abdirak's focus is. Now, where are we going with this? The difference here is in how pain is treated. Abdirak speaks of pain as a wonderful thing, as something that is sought after, that is a way of worshipping Loviatar. This is something that might feel strange to someone who is plagued by pain, but there's another quote I'd like us to remember.

"Pain without purpose is a terrible thing, wouldn't you agree?"

Chronic pain has no purpose. It's there whether by illness or injury, or some other unseen cause. It was not a choice, it doesn't bring any relief, and often it drags us right down with it.

"Please let me alleviate this pain."

And there's another line, one we wish we could hear, one we wish so very deeply in the core of our being that we could believe. That there could be someone who could bring an end to the pain even if only for a brief time, a fleeting hope of relief.

How fanworks can be a means of coping with chronic pain.

So here's the next point... What in all the hells do I mean, how can fanworks help a single thing? Well, have some personal moments. I had a deeply unpleasant flare up the other night, so I put out a brief ask to writing groups for some comforting fiction shorts. In the past, I've written a few myself - like these: Abdirak - Migraine Comfort Yurgir - Migraine Comfort Tav - General Comfort, with Audio Multi-Character Comfort Drabbles (Including Abdirak) Full AO3 fic of Abdirak x Chronic Pain Reader (Spicy, NSFW)

These are the two I received from some writers very dear to my heart who have more talent and skill than I could ever hope to aspire to in their works. Elfvamp (who does not have tumblr) (image description is attached to the image)

and this one from @morb-untamed

Darlings, when I tell you there were tears in my eyes at these, I mean it. THIS is just an example of the understanding and compassion possible in the community, the care and consideration, and the emotion that words can carry through them that make things genuinely feel more bearable in the moment of distress. Both captured something that it took me too long to realise. Perhaps what follows might sound entirely unreasonable or unhinged, but for someone like myself who has not known a single second of what "0%" feels like in over 10 years, it's beginning to seem far more sane by the moment. What if, within the confines of my mind, I try to rewrite the understanding of pain as something different. Just tell myself each new pain is an offering to some vile deity who has decided my mortal vessel is worthy of enduring, rather than one that is being punished with suffering. Breathe through it and listen to those character voices, find my own purpose to the pain. Let it become inspiration, note it down, get that visceral and intimate knowledge to the page instead. Naturally, this probably isn't a healthy coping mechanism, nor one that is infallible, but there have been moments recently where thinking that has made the moderate levels less distressing, easier to tolerate for a time. Perhaps it could do the same for you, but perhaps not, either way - it is there. Please do read through the comfort pieces too, and if you would like to see more - even ones with more specific aims and pains, please do just ask and I will make them happen. Either through my ask box, or in comments/reblogs, or any other way you wish to contact me honestly.

Alright, Tavylia, we've covered personal pain, but you promised NSFW discussion!

Oh my very dear darlings I had not forgotten this part~ You may here people talk about "good pain" and "bad pain", and wonder how/why pain can ever be good. It's not just about a physical hurt sensation or using that as a distraction. Pain can cause a rush of adrenaline, and even endorphins - similar to how people enjoy extreme sports, horror films, or theme parks, it's a pleasant feeling from something that would usually be scary, because it's safe and controlled. Falling from a high place? That's terrifying, dangerous. Parachuting safely from that same high place? It's controlled, there's no real danger, but the feeling of danger brings that adrenaline rush. There's the key. In real life BDSM there is control in the safe signal, in knowing it can and will stop when needed, that although there is someone causing pain they will stop at a moment's notice. (Anyone who does not respect a safe word/signal is not someone you should be in that situation with, if you are engaging in or want to try BDSM with real partners please PLEASE do your research on safety, that's too long a lecture to add here) In the context of fiction, we can go a lot further. Could a real person easily withstand Abdirak hitting them with an axe in their back? Obviously not, that's far too much. But this is a world with magical healing, and our fantasy and fiction is quite safe to extend where we find is interesting. So when reading - and especially writing - with pain and pain play, I encourage you to remember these links to adrenaline, endorphins, and that it isn't about harm, it's far deeper, and finding an understanding of that (even if you never wish to experience it) might be of some benefit to understanding those around you who have this intimate relationship with pain.

A title for the End

I think I've covered a lot here, but I do just want to round us off now. If you have any questions about this topic (or any of my other essay posts), please do feel free to ask - that's why my box is there, for all kinds of discussions to open up. Not just for smut and creative writing, but for all the ways we connect with fiction and characters. There is so much more than a single story being told, each of us experiences it through the lens of our own experience, we all find our connections in different ways, and I will have more character essays on this later. There's so much more to see, to learn, from all the interpretations throughout the fandom. I'm very grateful to be here to witness it, and for you being here to share in these thoughts and explore them more with me. Pain can teach us many things, about ourselves and others. Empathy, kindness, compassion - when we know how much we need them ourselves, we begin to see how much others may need it too. Much like how Abdirak sees the pain behind the player character's eyes, and feels that strong desire to help in the ways he knows how.

A Final Note for the Pain Pals

To my Chronic Pain Pals, darlings you do not always have to be strong. It's alright. It will not break you entirely to let go of that incessant need to try and quietly endure. Find those places it is safe to let it out, look for those tricks you can use on your brain to make Loviatar's Favour just a little more bearable. You are worthy of kindness, support, and compassion. The same you are likely giving of yourself to everyone else. You are not a burden, these are pains you do not choose, and you deserve something more gentle without any guilt attached to it. You are also not alone, find community, find those who understand.

Pain without purpose...but have we given it one now?

So I hope this time the pain has had a purpose in teaching, in helping us connect in new ways, to find compassion and understanding. Until next time, Dear Ones, look after yourselves.

Oh hey look I know who made that gif that came up in the search~ What an absolutely wonderful coincidence ;) (And a final final footnote, hello Abdirak fan community, you are perfect and I wish you nothing but the best in all things)

[mikittalabs]

in a mood right now and i've been playing fire emblem again, recipe for disaster so let's just get on with this post.

anyway it feels like every time an fe fan mentions liking something about engage, it's in spite of it. there's always a "but" tacked on. like you can't really like engage, alear's hair is red and blue and isn't that so dumb!

and i get it, engage is tonally light. it's not about poorly written politics like 3h is. it's great that 3h has a sad line from dorothea a few dozen times and that characters love to talk about how much war sucks every 10 minutes.

it's weird and annoying. every criticism of 3h is fought back against because actually you just missed this single piece of lore from a random npc in ch6 you fucking nincompoop. did you even play the game? the fact every character loves to exposit information at you is actually a good thing and a sign of good writing and doesn't completely muddy up the experience.

meanwhile you have to prove that you actually like engage. and yea. i love engage. i think it's great. i'm gonna talk about things i like because i think the game is good. there is no "but" here.

think a perfect example of this whole "in spite of" thing is yunaka. that's not to say i don't like her, i think she's great, too, but she's also the character who angsts the most out of the cast. her ass is not slick when it comes to hiding her backstory.

naturally, the fandom likes her in spite of engage. like i'm sorry that hortensia is so offputting that you completely missed her story about abusive families and desperately reaching out for something that you can't go back to, and might not have existed in the first place. it's so sucks that celine talked about tea in the 2 supports of hers you got. it sure would be a shame if she's hiding some odd feelings of resentment towards alfred or her cruel tendencies.

sorry guys, supports can't have subtext. if your characters aren't saying exactly what they feel and exactly why all of the time, then it's bad writing. actually subtext is just bad. exposition dumps are where it's at! i loved that part where rhea looked at the camera at the end of verdant wind and told us the entire history of fodlan. or like, the majority of 3h supports.

i forget if i ever posted it but i called 3h characters a vehicle for more lore, and i think i was kinda on to something. engage has a lot of silly supports where characters are just goofing around, but they were never used for more lore in the way 3h uses its cast.

3h supports typically involve someone just telling the other their entire backstory and i'm not about to argue that it isn't giving you more information on a character. in an extremely physical manner, it is. but it's obnoxious. it's an extremely unsubtle way to get across information.

in a very literal manner, you, as the player, are learning about this character. things have in fact happened to them, but i think the crucial difference lies in how this doesn't usually tell you anything about the character as a person. you can draw connections between how they act and their backstory, sure, but what does that actually say about them?

sylvain acts like that because his family fucking sucks. this is true, but he's still acting like a fucking cunt. i understand that crests are so highly valuable in fodlan society that he was objectified and reduced to the fact he had a crest. he says that himself in his support with mercedes. it does not change the fact that he is still a piece of shit to women. contrary to popular belief, i don't think the fact that he's nice to annette changes that fact. also like, mercedes's own backstory is completely glossed over in that support, but that's another conversation for another time.

contrast that with pandreo. he's a silly goofy party guy. there can't be any depth to him because this is engage. except you read his supports and realize he's a deeply faithful man. he found faith when his parents were being The Worst and he parties because it's how he expresses his faith. perhaps you're initial perceptions of a character are not always correct. something you would think fe fans would know considering sylvain has supports where the support partner says something to that effect.

ok i'm starting to get a headache so i'm just calling it here. see you all in hell or however people end these long posts

[bbcphile]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for the ask, @thesilversun! 😀

Since the ask said written, not “are writing,” I’m not including my current MLC longfic (as yet unnamed), but otherwise it would absolutely be on this list. It’s 58k and not yet halfway through (facepalm), and I’m really looking forward to finishing it and sharing it. So, for MLC folks, sorry there’s only one MLC fic here!

1. What’s Sealed Away (Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Dihua)

I really enjoyed figuring out how a-Fei’s amnesia works based on the details the show gives us and the things it’s oddly silent about, and reverse engineering based on how he acts towards LLH what his experience of amnesia might be like. (Also, as someone who has unfortunately had experience with amnesia, I feel like most examples of the amnesia trope really punt on the many different kinds of memory and how amnesia can mean you lose some but not all, and the wild things that happen when there are contradictions between them.) I’m also really proud of the ways I tried to convey the meanings behind LLH’s reactions even when DFS as the POV character had no way to fully interpret them because of all the missing context. It was a fun writing challenge.

2. Nunc Atque Semper (Horatio Hornblower, Maria/Horatio Hornblower, past Archie Kennedy/Horatio Hornblower; the only Dead Kennedy Universe fic I will ever write)

I can’t even read fics where Archie dies without being an emotional mess for days, so I was not ever expecting to write one. But 1. I got a prompt for it, and 2. It was a chance to hold Horatio accountable for the ways he treats Maria in the series while also being sympathetic to him for his overwhelming grief and being married to someone he doesn’t love; and 3. I love incorporating literary allusions into my work, and Archie’s canonical love of Shakespeare meant that I could have a central part of the fic be Maria essentially trying to do literary analysis to figure out what Archie and Horatio were to each other. I very much broke my own heart with this fic and I’m still proud of it.

3. Harboured and Encompassed (Horatio Hornblower modernAU (libraryAU + actor!Archie), Archie/Horatio; Archie/Horatio/Will pre-slash; 148,000 words)

I am still so incredibly proud of how I adapted the characters and events (with aspects of some of the books thrown in) to a modern setting while staying true to who they are. These characters will always have a very very special place in my heart, as will the special combo of humor, fluff, and heart-rending angst that having a character like Archie at the center of it enabled (I miss writing him so much sometimes). I love the whole series, too, but this is definitely the core of it.

4. Turning Over the Sands of Time (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

I still don’t understand why this one has so few kudos when I think it’s some of my best writing. Maybe the subject matter is too bleak/violent? (Mind the tags if you read it!) I really love writing missing scene fics and character studies, and the moments from the show that bookend this fic break my heart every time and make me fall in love with Archie all over again, respectively, and I wanted to delve into the hellscape of Archie’s mind in those moments and show how, even when he is in emotional agony and dealing with flashbacks, he is still compassionate and caring and trying with what little agency he has to make sure no one ever suffers as he did, or at least, if they are forced to, that no one has to suffer alone. (Also, a horribly depressed and triggered Archie means a very poetic Archie, which means I got to write lines like “The actors had changed, but the play had not” and “a rotting weed by any name would smell as fetid” and “Dying might be a price worth paying if it could but purchase that.” Have I mentioned I miss writing Archie?)

5. Taking Hands Against a Sea of Troubles (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

TW: suicide mention

The first time I saw a delirious Archie quote Anthony and Cleopatra during his suicide attempt and the play-illiterate Horatio has no idea what he’s saying, I knew I wanted to write the a scene where they see the play together years later in Drury Lane and Horatio finally understands the context. And I knew the scene in the theater box would need so much non-verbal communication and would need to be so comparatively subtle–because of the semi-public nature of the theatre box and the very real danger they would face if Horatio actually comforted Archie more overtly–so I waited a few years after having the idea until I was able to execute it the way I wanted to. I really love fics that deal just as much (if not more) in what’s unsaid than what’s said–for all that I love deep dives into character psychology–and I’m so glad I was able to finally write this. 

Thanks again for the ask!

[patton-sanders-killed-a-man]

I love the comic and I miss it, and I hope you're doing well

What happened to Patton-sanders-killed-a-man?

Well the short version is: ⦁ trauma ⦁ school ⦁ I had set up an unrealistic precedent for myself

And now you can skip to the Read-More to see the ask-blogs originally planned plotline alongside the panels of the unfinished last update, but if you want the long version:

Patton-sanders-killed-a-man was the first of my creative ventures that ever garnered a notable amount, with me making comics since I was 13, though all of my previous projects got little to no attention. So obviously when the ask-blog blew up, 16-year-old me was ecstatic, but very much not ready to handle it. Not only was this my first project to receive this amount of attention, but I also lacked experience as a writer, and with a medium of storytelling as fickle as an ask-blog in which the plot can change drastically depending on the asker's actions, it was not a good combination.

I mostly wrote the story on the fly, with an outline (which you can read under the Read-More) composed of cool ideas I had and various dark themes I was fascinated with but didn't have the emotional maturity to discuss. But the worst writing decision I made was making the inciting incident, the thing that led Patton to kill "Johnny", based on a personal trauma of mine, one I was in denial about. However by the last update, something happened that forced me to acknowledge it, and after that, I was no longer comfortable with the story I had set up.

That combined with the fact that School Was Kicking My Ass (which to be fair was mostly due to my own overambition) forcing me to shift my focus away from the ask-blog. I had also set up an unrealistic precedent for myself, with updates getting longer and longer. It was unsustainable, but with the pressure I placed on myself I didn't know how to go back from that and make the process easier for myself.

(this isn't even to mention all the different ways I made the art process itself horribly time inefficient, like the way I obsessed over perfect line art, choosing a semi-realistic art style rather than something less time-consuming, not creating character design sheets to help me stay on model, obsessing over wrinkles in the clothing, spending ages taking my own reference photos, redrawing panels over and over because I'm unsatisfied with them. If you're thinking of making an askblog/a comic, if you can't make a single-character panel in 10-20 minutes with your current art process you gotta figure out a style that does allow you to do that. There is a reason why 90% of Homestuck looks like crap til shit gets serious, ok. Please don't do what I did)

I had been running purely on fumes, and the second those ran out, I fell out of love with the story I created.

…

Well, that was a bit of a bummer, huh? But as mentioned I still have been making stuff, even if it isn't ask-blog related, for example, I just recently finished my first animated short which you can watch here:

(with its completion being mostly due to my teacher, who forced me to learn to take on more manageable projects, which I must thank her for)

I also have made a new art blog, that being @anonymous-utility and have been posting things on my youtube alongside it. I don't post often since I need to focus on IRL stuff, but it's where I post updates to all the projects I take on alongside just various other art. Even if ended far too soon, I'm still proud of this ask-blog, as it has taught me a lot. Thank you all for participating and if you choose to follow my art blog I will be seeing you soon.

Rough outline and unfinished update under the Read-More:

From what I remember, because I never actually wrote it down, as the majority of the storyline relied on the actions of the audience, but it was intended to go something like this:

⦁ Everything that has already happened

⦁ On the bus Dee would meet Virgil's younger sibling Andy (who is anxiety from the shorts), though Dee won't understand the significance of that, not knowing who Virgil is. We'd also be shown Dee's scar on his neck, all shown in the unfinished update above.

⦁ We'd later meet Dee's coworkers, Dee would log in at his desk as the interview isn't scheduled for an hour or so, and he notices that his email is full, this is the first hint that it isn't just his phone the askers can send messages to, but through technology in general- Dee is not stoked about this.

⦁ He then would meet "Johnny"'s mom and older brother (Daniel, aka the critic or Dice as referred by the fandom) They'd be using "Johnny's" real name, Renard, and we don't catch on that it's Remy, until Daniel calls him that. Overall the attitude of the two would be like this; the mother would act upset, but in a manner that makes it all about her, and Daniel would be rather cold and matter-of-fact. Daniel's attitude would frustrate his mother, leading to an argument breaking out, during which Daniel points out that she only cares because Remy is the only one of her children to never go against her, mentioning a certain Remus getting kicked out (to which the mother reacts negatively to daniel calling Remus by his chosen name). The interview ends poorly and Dee leaves the entire situation wondering how this family has ended up being so dysfunctional.

⦁ From then the askers could direct Dee toward Remus or Andy.

⦁ If directed towards Remus Dee would find him working at a library, and with a bit of time, they'd realize they recognized each other, mostly via each other's chosen names, as they were online friends but lost contact when Remus got kicked out and lost access to the internet. Remus is delighted to see Dee again after all these years but confused about why he's in the States, since Dee's Canadian, to which Dee explains that he moved to the States, moving in with Logan, their third online friend, as soon as he could to get away from his own family.

⦁ Once Remy's fate Remus is generally uncaring since his family is dead to him, "So golden boy kicked it, with how many people he pissed off it was only a matter of time, now come back to me when Roman commits manslaughter, oh wait" to which we are told that Roman is serving time for having killed someone in a car accident (something that Remus finds hilarious since he was often labeled the troublemaker out of the two).

⦁ Remus would also be somewhat weirded out by the concept of Patton being the killer, since Remus knew him via association and always thought him a bit of a wet rag, then again even 50's housewives snap eventually. They exchange contact information and go their separate ways.

⦁ After this Remus becomes available to the askers, taking the form of a strange figure that only Remus can see that hangs in the corners that can stare at Remus and make various gestures, though that takes coordination as they would be controlled by various people. Remus would at first try to ignore this strange figure, having experienced hallucinations in the past, but if the askers become more aggressive in trying to get Remus to pay attention to them Remus may become more desperate to get rid of them.

⦁ If the askers direct Dee towards Andy we learn that Virgil went missing three years ago

⦁ At this point, the plot becomes more vague as I hadn't planned that far ahead aside from the major plot points.

⦁ After having spent so much time with Dee, we'd cut back to Logan. Any asks directed to him will not go through the phone, unless Dee is present. Instead, askers' messages would get scratched into Logan's skin, specifically on his arms, and if the askers become particularly aggressive, especially with Logan refusing to acknowledge them due to the absurdity of this situation, the messages would begin to cut into Logan's skin rather than just scratch. This is an issue due to Logan being a high school Comp Sci teacher and really needing to not bleed in front of his student if he wants to keep his job. Logan got his priorities in order.

⦁ This will be the first time the askers would have the option to directly hurt someone

⦁ Logan will not tell Dee about this, due to the absurdity of it and due to his history with depression, he worries that Dee would think he did it to himself.

⦁ Either way, the deadline for Dee's article is closing in and he must make a decision on how to frame the narrative.

⦁ But first, we cut back to Patton. It's the 12th of May, 2020, and he has gotten as far away as he could and is currently in the woods. He is not doing well, and he hasn't heard the askers in the past two days, with him being certain he has imagined them. Once they flood back in it startles him, and he reacts loudly, loud enough to attract a passerby.

⦁ That passerby is Virgil. Patton does not react well, thinking that he started seeing things as well. But once Virgil confirms that he is in fact realm that only replaces the problem of potential visions with the problem of meeting his estranged friend who he hasn't talked to in three years. Virgil quickly forgives him, however, especially after Patton awkwardly states that he is homeless, to which Virgil assumes Remy to be the cause, stating "he took your shit and ran, I told you he wasn't to be trusted", offering a place to stay.

⦁ I didn't have much planned for Virgil, and at the time I was unsure if I just wanted him to be a paranoid guy who decided to live off the grid or… a genuine serial killer who sold people's organs. Needless to say, the second option was certainly a thing my 16-year-old self came up with and it's not a concept current me stands by.

⦁ Either way after this interaction Virgil would become open to asks, with the askers becoming able to slightly move things to garner his attention, though this ability would be limited to asks directed to Virgil only.

⦁ These interactions between the askers and Virgil will spark an obsession in him, as he always feared and was fascinated by the other-worldly since childhood.

⦁ Through the course of the story, Virgil and Patton would grow closer, with Patton eventually confessing to what he did and the circumstances that lead him to do it. Virgil stays on his side, and this leads Patton to grow comfortable, enough that with the help of Virgil he grows to accept his identity.

⦁ Cutting back to Dee, no matter the tone of the article the askers stay, and now it's not just his phone that the messages are being directed towards him through, but all the technology around him, and no one seems to be aware of this aside from him and Logan, eventually becoming convinced the only way to get the askers off his back is to get Patton done in since he appears to be the source of all this, resulting in Dee tracking Patton down and getting him arrested - this solves nothing.

⦁ After a breakdown from Dee, Remus, Logan, and Dee realize they have the same problem, and Remus gets in contact with a coworker and friend of his who is into the Otherworldly.

⦁ That's when it's revealed the askers are an interdimensional entity called The Audience, a creature with uncountable eyes and mouths, and the more people it gets in contact with the closer it gets to gaining physical form, with the sixth person contacted being its gateway.

⦁ The Audience's motive? To take control of the "story" and mold it in its own image.

⦁ Going back to Patton, he meets Roman, who's doing time for manslaughter. Their meeting goes as well as the one between a killer and the younger brother of the victim since Roman was closer to Remy than Remus was. But their meeting also results in Roman becoming open for the askers, this manifesting in them getting control of his left hand, eventually climbing all the way up to his shoulder.

⦁ All the while the askers can manipulate Virgil into breaking into prison, as the prison contains what they both want. With Virgil, he not only wants Patton back but has also become convinced that The Audience/the askers are his dark patron god and serving them is the only way to regain control over his life and be able to do something other than live at the edge of society in terror, while the askers want Roman not only because he's the gateway but also The Audience gains physical form they'll gain full control of the story, perhaps even allowing them to rewind back to prevent the inciting incident from occurring.

⦁ Of course, askers not aligned with this goal can warn the Intruloceit crew (Dee, Remus, and Logan) about what's happening but it will be pretty difficult to make them trust you after all that has happened.

⦁ The rest goes as one would expect from a cosmic horror climax, Virgil tries to get The Audience into their dimension, and Patton probably goes through with it with promises of having his crimes erased and being able to feel safe again after all that happened, but the Intruloceit gang show up armed with knowledge from Remus's friend and seal the gateway, Remus makes fun of Roman for being the cult sacrifice rather the dashing hero and then therapy.

⦁ The very last scene of the ask-blog is Picany alone in his office as suddenly an ask gets sent through his email, asking whether he will be involved in the plot.

⦁ The End

All in all a big part of the story would be my own fascination with the potential of ask-blogs serving as a vehicle for cosmic horror, especially with the audience being the source of said horror. Other than that the ask-blog's themes would center around identity and various forms of violence and how one can find themselves the victim of said violence, and other sensitive subjects 16-year-old me was not prepared to handle (nor had the time to with how long this story would have been, comics take a long as while to through their plots yall).

But I have grown since then and have actually finished one of my projects for once (cough please watch 'She gets eaten by the end *cough) and I'm a better writer for it, as well as just better at managing my time. While I won't give any guarantees, with IRL stuff taking the majority of my time, in my free time I have been working on an illustrated horror novel that I plan to release for free once it's finished, so if you enjoy my younger self's writing, you may want to be on the lookout for that on my art blog ;]

[hoshinokaabi-secretsanta]

Hi there, mod team, and thanks for your hard work in organizing this event!  Kirby’s kind of a new fandom for me, but I’ve been getting super into it, and itching for an excuse to dabble more.  I have a few questions, if you don’t mind?  I’ve done a number of exchanges over the years, and there are a few things in your rule set I’d appreciate some clarification on—even if it’s just to declare, “Assume Good Faith,” and go from there!

Firstly, if I want to participate as only a writer, do I need to provide a link to examples of my writing for the Portfolio question on the sign-up?  I would assume so, as the rules elsewhere say that writing and art are both allowed, but the rules seem to focus mostly on art, particularly in the Portfolio section.

Relatedly, if the poll option for matching participants by skill level wins, will writing also be privately assigned a technical skill ranking to help with matching?  Since the rankings will be private, is there any plan to address what to do in case someone with, say, a high writing ranking but a low art ranking is matched to someone with the expectation that they’ll be doing fic but they decide they want to try doing art instead?

Secondly, can you elaborate on specifically how you’ll be applying the rule against romantic content between adults and minors?  Read-as-written, I can see at least three different ways it could be interpreted, so some clarification would be much appreciated!

Is character maturity determined by canon?  If so, which canon(s)?  If multiple forms of canon are accepted, is it okay to request ships that might be okay in one canon but not in another?

Is character maturity determined by the mods?  If so, can you share which characters you’ll be considering as minors versus which will be considered adults?

Is character maturity determined by individual participants?  If so, does that mean that any ship is alright as long as the characters involved are both depicted as being on the same side of the minor/adult line, but determining where that line falls is left to the judgement of the individual participants, in accordance with their wishlists/blacklists?

Thanks very much!

Hey! Super appreciate how nice you are. I hope you enjoy this fandom, first of all. It's a very comfortable one to be in, in my opinion 🥰

I apologize the rules and otherwise are biased towards visual artists! As you'll soon see in my answers here, in my experience with hosting events, the more details you specify for people to follow, the more confusing it gets and the less people follow any of the rules in the first place. I understand too many rules and guidelines is overwhelming, so it was important to me to keep things curt in the initial posts. That means guidelines for writers, and age specifications, got cut a little because it applies to very little people in the first place. I realize that's disrespectful to other types of artists participating in our event though, so I added onto the rules post and I'll try to elaborate more here.

Answering your questions proper now: yes, please include a portfolio even if you're a writer! I understand the length of a piece can vary a lot, as does the amount of effort you put into a writing piece does not necessarily equal how "finished" you think it is, so writing portfolios don't need to follow the "at least three finished pieces" rule. Just include whatever you have, with showing one piece minimum, and at least one piece out of however many you choose to link must have at least 1200 words, since that's the minimum requirement for our event.

Writing will be its own category, rather than using the 5-point ranking scale, if that option on the poll wins. This is because making wishlists and blacklists work in a smaller pool of people (the people who stated they are okay with receiving writing as a gift) is quite difficult. You bring up a good point with the conflicting skills in differing arts though! Now that you mention it, multiple people who stated they could gift multiple arts only put drawings in their portfolio (no one has to change that by the way, if you're reading this and panicking). In that case, we might just assign them to someone who only wants to receive drawings to get rid of that variable all together. Again, due to the very low amount of writers/other artists participating in the first place, those will be assigned on a case-by-case basis. I will say we will follow what's in people's portfolios first and foremost though. We won't go and personally hunt down someone's other art work if they didn't list it. If someone stated they could gift both writing and drawings, but only showed drawings in their portfolio, mods will giving them a point ranking and be running under the assumption they'll be gifting drawings, while keeping the "writing" part in the back of our minds.

Onto your second question: I can also see three different ways that could be interpreted 😆 I tried to purposely keep it vague. You hit the nail on the head with "assume good faith". Stating that in the first place was mostly to scare away any true... questionable people rather than something I expected to enforce. From a cursory glance at people's wishlists so far, yep, there's either none or maybe one ship that could be considered that in anyone's canon on anyone's list, so I don't feel the need to set out guidelines for it. If you, or anyone, is really concerned about a ship you'd like to request being seen that way, I'd recommend thinking about and following the general fandom's view on things (ex: Kirby being seen as a child in any canon). Us mods wouldn't step in if you were to, for example, request Magolor/Kirby, because you could interpret those two to be in the same age range and we will assume good faith, but most people wouldn't be comfortable fulfilling that request. The same goes for any sort of non-adult/minor controversial ship too, really, but we don't have any hard-set rules on this.

[savagewildnerness]

For that ask meme: 4, 6, 13?

Helloooo! And thank you so much for your ask! 🥰 I actually meant for you all to answer the questions! But I shall happily answer these! And in answering, I realise asking 15 questions of you all would be A Lot! So, oooops! My apologies! 😇

4 - Any scene/moment you don’t like & why

I think it’s no surprise that I don’t like The Drop in S1E5. Book-Lestat wouldn’t do it. I don’t like that it means we won’t see the book-plot of the Armand-Lestat drop, I don’t like how it alters a lot of subsequent feelings, motivations & meanings that impact on the rest of the series (for example there was a big knock-on impact for me in the trial - both in its feeling & in many practical differences of events & meaning.) But it’s that it grates against Lestat’s characterisation for him to do that to Louis that troubles me most.

But I accept tv-Lestat did it. There is no part of me that thinks it didn’t happen in TV world & no part of me that excuses it in any way either. The revisit to the scene beforehand: I liked it, because adding the missing scenes added glorious gothicness… and Lestat got to apologise… but there’s literally nothing Louis could say or do that would make the drop existing ok for me, so that’s that!

It’s particularly hard to properly express why Louis smashing Lestat’s head on a coffin then saying he’ll chop his head off & feed it to the lions is yummy, transgressive violence & gothic glory, yet The Drop is so wrong I cannot abide it. I think I can best explain by saying that none of this is good or bad in terms of relating it to reality, and so it’s the feelings & meaning on the next, underlying level that matters. Which is a very fine, yet incredibly important (as I feel it!) line.

6 - Best thing for you about the TV show

The characterisations.

I’m a sucker for a deep dive into character. I adore all of the characters on the show (including small roles I don’t mention here.)

I adore Lestat as there’s my Lestat on screen! The second he watched Louis with his blade to Paul’s throat - instantly I saw & felt that that was Lestat! Lestat was THERE! Resonant!

I adore Louis, as he is absolute glow-up-Louis & I love that I can feel from him the way all the vampires describe they feel for book-Louis, but I never really understood from book-Louis! But now, oh how I feel it too!

I am astounded that Assad has somehow elevated my love for Armand, who was already my second favourite book character beyond even how I love book-Armand. S2 was your season. Armand was everything.

I love how smaller characters such as Santiago & Madeleine have been elevated too & then Claudia… I do need to caveat that Claudia cannot have the impact of an immortal 5-year-old vampire! However, this Claudia works & the changes add interesting, poignant & tragic elements to her story. I adore tv Claudia & I hope she haunts every season of the show.

Such incredibly strong characterisation also helps to access the spirit of Anne’s books & I love when I feel the essence of her writing in the show! Which doesn’t mean a strictly close adaptation necessarily. For example, I feel the spirit of Anne’s work incredibly strongly in S2E5 even though that’s in large part written solely for TV.

13 - Feelings about TV show versus books

I think I sort of answered this above. Generally speaking, I’ve loved the TV adaptation so far though! It’s such a joy to be able to see books that were so close to your heart & that you read at such a formative age they’re ingrained in your heart & soul & in how you see & feel & experience & think about the world adapted with such love & care & attention to detail & to the spirit of the books. And the exquisite poetry of the writing - Anne’s words directly on screen at such poignant moments & the writers’ own beautiful poetic language also.

Hope that’s ok! I’ll end there as my phone keeps randomly deleting paragraphs & I’m worried about losing the whole post! 🥶💀

And on this note, please feel free to just pick whatever question(s) interest you to answer, everyone! 🥰🥰🥰 I’m so curious to read your thoughts!

[autumnslance]

Hi Autumn/Lyn! First things first, as someone who's embarrassingly into WoLcred stuff, I wanted to say that I love your writing and I'm a huge fan! Thanks for sharing your work with us!

I really relate to your WoL Aeryn (I too am Thavnairian irl Indian, in love with Thancred, love reading, main RDM, etc etc), which is super funny to me because I don't identify at all with my own WoL, who was originally meant as a self-insert, even (I didn't know what an "OC" was so I just made myself but in-game?), but then had her own ideas and went and became her own person (example: she has dyslexia and hates reading). No clue how this happened, and I still love my daughter OC dearly, but… you see why I also love your Aeryn. Lol.

I wanted to ask, did Aeryn inherit her grey eyes from her father? Or does the Thavnairian side of her family have a tendency towards grey eyes too? Does she have any relatives other than Zaine who have grey eyes?

I'm not sure why, but I got fixated on this one little thing because I've always loved grey eyes (especially described in literature) and the idea of a South Asian fantasy-equivalent with grey eyes fascinates me. Anyway, apologies in advance if this is too weird and/or offensive! Also sorry about how long this ask got! Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great day!

Thank you so much, what a lovely ask to get! And funny how our WoL kids just do their own things, huh? Can't stop won't stop the WoL, not even their own writers. 😉

Aeryn did indeed get her eyes from her father (and it is mentioned most strongly, I think, in Bearing Sins of the Past), though there's probably some predisposition in her mother's side; her mom's eyes were very dark blue. I lean into the fantasy world's idea of "similar, inspired and influenced by, but not 100% the same" for the setting and characters, and am pleased Thavnair ended up labeled by the devs explicitly as a "melting pot" society (which makes sense for such a centrally located trade hub). Since I had Aeryn raised in Thavnair, with her reasons to return to Eorzea as an adult, but this was back in late Heavensward/early Stormblood before we had it in game, I had her mother's people be a more "recent" immigrant group (within the last couple hundred years) so they have mostly assimilated into Thavnairian culture, while maintaining some of their own traditions to give myself leeway, not knowing how the devs would go into the South Asian influences when we eventually got there.

Also I am very white, and know there's nuance I'd be missing, so while I wanted it to be a part of her character, and be respectful, I'm not trying to write about an Indian experience I have no inherent connection to, but a character whose upbringing includes similar influences to shape her. It's a weird and fine line when writing characters different from oneself.

There's also the meta where I based Aeryn's appearance roughly on the unused CGI Midlander woman model, though Aeryn's darker skinned (I'm still not sure if I want to adjust her facial features post-graphics upgrade or not, I might need to play around a bit). I wanted her to do some dragoon stuff for HW, but not just cuz "she's the WoL" so that got some of the backstory in there, which also worked with "she left as a kid and is now returning as an adult." And the idea that 1.0 WoL, based on Meteor (with some color shifts again), was her lost brother and it gave her a weird tie to Ardbert (before Shadowbringers even came out!).

Even the skintones for my FF14 characters are meta, as having played in earlier versions of World of Warcraft where the natural skin color options for humans/dwarves/gnomes/blood elves were "different shades of white", and my priest glowed like a lightbulb under Ashenvale's bloom lighting, seeing the sheer variety of the palettes in FF14 back in HW was a delight, and so Dark Autumn ended up brown cuz it wasn't an option at all in the other game (at that time). Even C'oretta's in the middle of the options for Seekers as my lightest OC...and Iyna being darkest Rava was playing in the Benchmark while annoyed at the examples shown by the devs at that FanFest.

What a character looks like, either in a visual video game or in a piece of writing, often comes early on to me, and in Aeryn's case, there was an appearance I wanted to adjust and build off of, and then went "OK, so what's the reasons for not only her looks, but also X and Y things I want to do with her story, and how would that work and shape her, and let's use the devs' trick of being a little vague here and there for now until the lore updates, and...."

I do fret sometimes, about how my characters look and how I portray them, especially with Thavnair having such a strong inspiring influence. But I mostly follow the game lore, fill in some gaps with light research, make up a few of my own things and remain consistent with them, and try to be true to the character and story I've written, and let the rest sort itself out. I can't and won't please everyone, but I'm always glad to hear from those who love my girls and their stories.

[daylander1000]

I swear this fandom is becoming more and more insufferable every day which is scary not to mention it's at least one more year of wait until season 2. I don't want even to imagine what it's going to be like when it actually airs. I've been in other fandoms, including the GoT one, but this level of toxicity, aggression, tribalism and hypocrisy is unreachable. What is with this show that encourages such behaviour? I really don't understand. I used to be team green (I still am kind of) during the show, especially the second half and after the show ended because I hated the way many black stans were acting towards anyone who didn't share their opinions and the way they talked about green characters (and even the actors) in general. Also, the framing of the show with it's good vs bad guys concept was annoying af so it wasn't hard to choose TG, at least to me. However, now I'm not even sure I care enough. It's so difficult to discuss anything show related normally and nust because all this toxicity soured the whole hotd experience to me now I'm more than anything team anti hotd fandom. That's why your fic is literally the last hotd related thing I'm looking forward to so atm so thank you for actually giving something good to this wretched fandom 😩. Seriously, Aemond and Rhaena should follow my example and just be done with everyone and everything lol. Anyway, I'm (not so😁) patiently waiting for the next update. I don't know anymore if I'll watch season 2, but I'll definitely read swhhw.

I get you. At large, it's not a fun fandom to be in. I remember when there was a petition to stop Matt Smith from being Dr Who on the grounds of him being too ugly, so in a sense it's a little amusing to see how he's inspired this whole "Choke me daddy" rabid fanbase... But other than that, it's really not much fun. People take everything as fighting words. They're attacking real people to defend fictional characters written by a man who hasn't even finished his series as yet after a decade long hiatus...

I don't even get the joy of reading other fics really, because I try to reduce the odds on me 'stealing' someone else's fic idea. Like, I know fair is fair and it's all fanworks, but I'll literally read something, go to sleep, incept myself, and wake up like "you know what would be really cool???" and it's only when I'm reading it all over that I'll realize that I've split off on a whole different unrelated tangent and have to course correct. I'm trying to write better and faster and cut down on how distracted I get. For example, writing while commuting feels productive but it really isn't, not how I do it. I get so distracted... I'll be editing and realize, "No, you can't write that. That's a line from a Hozier song."

HotD doesn't deserve the time or the energy. Like, I look at the word count of swhhw and question all my life decisions. But the rhaemond fandom is so nice and so small, you can't help it. It's like an oasis in a radioactive wasteland.

I'm also kinda doing it for Team Dyslexia and Team Dysgraphia in a sort of "We can do it!" way?

I really want to finish this before S2 starts.

[bloody-wonder]

I found this interesting books ask :

https://www.tumblr.com/dnana-2809-blog/749706502296813568/bookish-asks?source=share

Do you mind if I ask, no. 13, 14, 15, 18, and 50? Thanks...😁

thank you! i love talking about books :)

13. name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaption.

i just finished another book by celeste ng so the one that springs to mind right away is little fires everywhere. imo ng's biggest strength is that she writes about identity politics in a very accessible but nuanced way and the show adaptation just took all that nuance and threw it out of the window. my personal little nitpick is that they turned the mc who is aroace-coded in the book into a bisexual. yes, one could argue that her ruminating on how she can't help her daughter deal with romantic heartbreak bc she has never been in love herself is just a throwaway line but it's one of those lines that completely reframes the character and makes everything we learned about her make more sense in hindsight - that is, if you're open to seeing someone as aroace. if not, as a reader, you will assume she has probably had relationships which she just never mentions bc they're not relevant to the story (see: dumbledore rollerblading in every scene). as a showrunner, you will fill in those alleged gaps in her romantic and sexual life with bisexual drama which will give you more content for the show's runtime, if nothing else. so that is an interesting example of aroace erasure - it's not intentional but the fact that a person's deliberate lack of love life is something they, consciously or not, decided just not to represent speaks to a larger problem with aroace rep. if you straightwash a queercoded character people will likely notice. if you allo-wash an aroace-coded character no one will even blink.

14. name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original.

i can't think of one that is better than the original off the top of my head but there are some adaptations i'm attached to much more than i like their source materials. the lord of the rings movies, for example. a re-read of the series i did a few years ago proved to be a slog but the movies will forever remain a special quality time i can share with my dad. the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is another example. i know for a fact that the fans of the book don't like the adaptation but i'm biased bc it's one of my comfort movies and i don't get why the book is supposed to be better, despite having read it two times🤷‍♀️

15. what book changed your life?

all for the game changed my life bc by reading it and becoming part of the fandom i have discovered the aroace spectrum and realized i'm on it (on the far end of it, in fact lol). i'm pretty certain the same couldn't have happened via just learning about asexuality from some educational materials bc neil's headspace and the subsequent frustration with how he got twisted in fanon were essential for my aroace awakening🖤🩶🤍💜💚

18. which character from a book is the most like you?

lol idk. i think if i encountered a character who is a lot like me it would make me so uncomfortable i'd erase this from my memory immediately. so instead of an answer please kindly accept this meme i made for my friends and draw your own conclusions😅

50. why do you love to read?

i read for escapism. that's why entertainment and immersion are the main two factors that make or break a book for me. granted, i have weird tastes and often find entertaining the things other readers find boring and vice versa. and i like when fiction is so immersive i can feel my soul leave my body and get transported to a different world, a different life. bc of this one might think i yearn for adventure but that's not true - i love my boring life and i love the illusion of control one has as a reader compared to the lack of control one often experiences irl: if the adventure is not to my liking i can simply close the book.

bookish asks

[lakesbian]

ok but no for real why did "lake is canonically trans” become an entrenched belief in the fandom. it’s based on literally nothing but “uhh, she Looks Nonbinary/Experiences Oppression And Erasure” (quick, why do you think presentation equals gender? quick, did you forget that gnc people exist?), misremembering and misquotations of old/deleted tweets, and self-reinforcing momentum from fanon. 

like, deep train lore tedtalk from someone who has Been Here Forever:  shortly after the season was released, owen answered a question on twitter about whether or not she was intended to be read as trans, and his response was along the lines of "no trans narrative was intended but i'm glad when people can connect with a narrative/i support death of the author so you can interpret it how you want." unfortunately for train lore enjoyers, the tweet was eventually deleted alongside most others post he made that mentioned anything LGBT, likely due to how much the topic blew in the crew's face once the fandom started getting really insistent on/angry about the subject. it was never archived, which i'm guessing is because it was posted earlier in the fandom's history and also because "this character was written as cis" isn't exactly something people would consider exciting news worth saving.

so how do you know i’m not bullshitting you about that tweet having existed? you can still find references to the tweet online if you look at posts from around that time! for example, here’s a reddit comment from 2021:

and here’s a post i made in 2020 referencing it right around the time the “lake is canon trans” misconception started:

 (good god. avert your eyes from me when i was little! the things i post online for the sake of inftr meta. really wish i could time travel to tell myself in 2020 to just screenshot the AMA response, because holy Fuck it would make explaining this easier.)

anyway, all that's to say: lake is canonically written as cis, and her narrative was intended as a more general metaphor for oppression. all different types of marginalized people can relate to her because of what a well-written metaphor it is, but the metaphor is about the concept of oppression and not intended to represent any one specific oppressed group. another thing that's important to remember is that this means that lake is canonically a gender non-conforming girl, which is a chronically erased and underrepresented demographic. so she is still a specific marginalized identity, and that's something that's worth appreciating!

as for the topic of various LGBT headcanons for lake? i’m gonna quote @snazzyscarf​ here: “being a versatile metaphor for systemic oppression is not a bad thing. representing broad demographics is not a bad thing! getting angry when people identify that broadness to their experiences and not yours is, though”

so have fun with the death-of-the-author season interpretations that the crew supports. headcanon what you want about lake’s identity. but don’t give the writers unearned credit for supposedly writing a trans character when they didn’t, and don’t be a dick to people who enjoy lake’s canon identity (masc girl) or don’t interpret her the same way you do.

(final footnote: this is a tangentially related subject so i am once again boosting snazzyscarf’s post about other fandom bullshittery wrt lake and gender if you wanna read more meta https://www.tumblr.com/snazzyscarf/657618091033886720/stop-saying-that-everyone-has-to-use-theythem)

[aelinfireheartgalathynius]

I think it's awesome that you're such a big fan of fantasy novels, me too! I wanted to your opinion about something. I came across a post where you say SJM's books are masterclasses, and I found them to be solid books, but not uniquely great. Can you explain what in your view makes them great at narrative pacing and worldbuilding, and how that compares to other great books in the genre like those by Ursula K. Le Guin or Jacqueline Carey? I'm curious about your pov, since you've been reading fantasy for so long. Please keep up the great blog!

Happy to meet another fantasy lover! And thanks!

Honestly, I don't think comparing authors to each other (unless it's in a "you'd probably love X" way) is useful — fantasy has grown to encompass such a wide array of writing styles. Sarah's style isn't 100% certified unique, because no art is 100% unique. But her style does stand apart from most fantasy writers, especially ones who stuck to a more rigidly traditional style. I think plot pacing, tropes, writing style etc are all personal preferences. I personally prefer the styles of VE Schwab, Sarah J Maas, Naomi Novik, Kristin Cashore... To name a few. Others might hate all of those authors' styles and prefer something completely different. And that's totally fine. Great, even. (As long as those people don't judge me or call me a child for not enjoying the type of writing they find "good," but I know that's not what you're doing here!)

I stand by what I said in that post about Sarah's writing, but that doesn't mean it was objective truth. My mother, for example, has different reading preferences than I do and would probably dislike SJM. And that's fine.

In my opinion, Sarah's style stands out. I came into this not really wanting to get into the reasons but I'll touch on them since you asked:

Her worldbuilding is phenomenal, but I don't feel the need to write a dissertation about it. I feel like the huge level of acclaim she's received for what I call the "Marvel Cinematic Universe of fantasy books" speaks for itself. She has done something remarkable and, in my experience, very unique. If you don't know what I'm referring to, I'd recommend looking up the ending of House of Sky and Breath (I don't like to post about it explicitly because it's such a world changing plot twist).

Her plot pacing is, again, phenomenal in my opinion. All of her books have that 'unputdownable' quality that comes from an author knowing exactly how to pace chapters to keep readers engaged. It's doubly impressive knowing that the majority of her books are multi-POV, too, so she kept multiple stories well-paced and engaging at the same time in each book. It's most obvious when you look at Empire of Storms and Tower of Dawn: the reason the tandem read works so well is that she was extremely thorough in making sure the plot pacing and timelines lined up perfectly in two books that came out a year apart.

Her characters are wonderfully written — again, in my opinion. Their thoughts, feelings and motivations all feel real and make sense to me. Her characters experience things like periods (including actual mentions of bleeding and cramps), realistic depictions of trauma and PTSD (I have PTSD, so that's not hypothetical), characters that grow and learn, characters that fuck up, characters that are multifaceted, characters that fall in love more than once, and more.

The emotional rawness of many of her characters and plotlines is also something that sets her apart from many authors. Yes, a lot of books can make readers feel things, but there is something so deeply raw and heart-wrenching about Nesta's self-hatred, Feyre's PTSD, Aelin's struggle with her title and power (and her torture), Manon's questioning about whether monsters are born or made (and whether she is one), Hunt's deep guilt, Bryce's inconsolable grief, literally everything about Lidia Cervos, and more.

I believe that people should read whatever makes them happy, and everyone reacts differently to art — there are books that touched my soul in ways I can barely describe, that I see as beautiful and astonishing... And they still have some one star reviews. That's the beauty of art.

I don't like a lot of "classic" fantasy, but I don't feel the need to convince anyone that those books or writers aren't good or don't deserve their acclaim. Just like I don't really think I need to convince anyone that SJM's books deserve respect — her work speaks for itself, and if you personally don't see why so many people love it, then it wasn't meant for you. And that's totally fine. No need to force yourself to read it!

I don't need or want to convince you that SJM's writing is a masterclass. If that doesn't ring true to you, that's fine. It's true for me, and for hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of other readers (over 38 million copies of her books have been sold worldwide, so I don't think millions is a stretch).

I hope that last bit didn't come across as aggressive or rude, it's just my thoughts on your question! Thanks for dropping by, anon, and thank you for asking in such a nice way. A lot of people don't do that. ♥️

[enneamage]

More corespondance from Poppy Lurker Anon under the cut.

hi sfw fic poppy anon again. re the tags yeah i really only cared about the bench trio (admittedly i did in fact center tommy). that’s actually one of the things i find interesting about my time on poppytwt. idk how common of a experience this was but the divide between the people who only really cared about bench trio (and co like purpled, bill, etc) vs the people who shipped them with the adults was a big thing at the time. idk i just remember it being a thing where people who like mained the members of bench and only shipped amongst them were against the people who shipped with the adults. i know that wasn’t like universal but i think that divide is one of the things that like really strikes me as strange like how both of those sides were labeled as equally problematic in the eyes of main. like the core of poppytwt was going against boundaries and i get why that’s problematic but i think it was treated as too black and white. switching gears i wanted to also touch on Tommy as like a character just because you mentioned c!Tommy. i think the thing that happened was Tommy as a character within sbi fic wasn’t c!Tommy from dsmp and also wasn’t irl streamer Tommy so people were more free to give characteristics as they wanted. (tho to an extent people also treated irl fic as free reign specifically with tommy because of how much his persona was clearly a persona and how people would say he was really different irl) and certain traits like making him soft or meek (or like depressed or bullied) was popular because people could use it as like self insert or vent. then if there’s a lot of those fics and/or they’re popular more people write him like that and eventually it just becomes popular as fanon and because there’s no real canon with this Tommy then fanon kind of becomes law. i think that’s also how crimeboys/tombur got to the point it got. if they’re not in dsmp and they’re not in irl then it’s kind of free reign to write them however you want and from there it’s a game of telephone until eventually you get wilbur telling tommy he’s going to keep him trapped in his bed because he ignored him for a bit (actual thing i read in a non poppy crimeboys fic. worth noting it was a hero villain au and it was literally like keeping him in bed for cuddles. again we are like half a step removed from just like a smut fic in this case like that scenario just screams this is a smut fic without the smut to me. dark sbi was a wild tag)

Lot of good observations anon, I'm pretty sure I agree.

Boy that fic mention hit me-- I've seen 'forced cuddling' (so much to unpack) around sometimes and it's just. It wraps me back around again to my initial concern of 'we need a more honest understanding of what could be sexual because too much is sneaking under the door in potentially harmful ways.' Things people dont know to dial back or think twice about if the weight of them are masked are dangerous.

Sometimes I think about the way that Tommy's Real Life Grief was kind of burned as fuel by the fandom in a way that's intense to really unpack. People were really, really invested in his sadness and grief and victimhood as a character, which is typical for a character but is a bit off-center when that character is so tied to a real guy and some of the lines were blurred. As you mentioned, SBI fic was half c! and half irl and eventually mostly headcanon in your example, and that boy just could not have living or non-abusive parents-- he came with pre-installed grief that always seemed a bit bigger than a plot device, the sadness was the point. Blonde Sad Self-Insert Woobie is well a loved inter-fandom pattern, but this wasn't Dave Strider or Hunter Owlhouse, this was a real guy who would go on to be a real man. Having him serve as an audeince proxy for sadness or being loved or 'sensuality' was a whole different, heavier moral question that got hand-waved by a big number of people.