#i mentioned the character line thing as an example of how different your experience reading the two could be!

[daily-linkclick]

(im sorry if this sent twice my computer did a weird thing as i was typing out my ask and idk if it sent prematurely)

i just caught up to the orv manwha on webtoon (ep 158) should i pick up the novel where it leaves off or should i pick it up from the beginning? like... how different is the manwha if it differs majorly anywhere in the story (personally got a lil annoyed at it misgendering nirvana in the chapters following after they said theyre neither man nor woman :/)

dw you're good it only sent once!

i'm not the best person to ask this because i'm (apparently?) one of the uncommon ones who read the webnovel first! from what i've heard the webtoon is fairly accurate, but it skims! there's some really good subtle character moments that don't get shown (which i can see why, a webtoon is more costly both in time and budget than making than a novel). and also from what i've personally seen they removed a character's line teasing kdj's romance with yjh. it was pretty funny and i'm sad they removed it LOL

plus if you start from the beginning you can get used to how the novel is structured! it has honorifics for a lot of characters and the names are structured as last name then first name which looks more natural to me LOL. i read a *bit* of the webtoon because i wanted to see how some things looked, and the webtoon does not capture kdj's thought process as well as the webnovel. a lot of his personality and how we get to know more of him comes from his thoughts, and i assume the webtoon cuts most of them for time and readability.

(also my god im so sorry to hear about nirvana, iirc they use they/them for them in the novel with the occasional gendered pronouns? so not as bad as what you mentioned lol)

so tl:dr, i personally recommend reading from the beginning to get used to how the novel is structured and written, and to get those very nice characterization that might be lost in the webtoon!

[frownyalfred]

Hi. I'm not a canon purist and enjoy some fanon content very much, but I do think people in the fandom should at least familiarize themselves with the canon content and source material. It's easier to break the "rules" so to speak and experiment with canon when you know what that actually is. I've noticed a lot of fans that are only familiar with fanon criticise content that doesn't line up with what they believe to be canon but isn't. The Red Hood for example. I've seen writers who portray him as the violent criminal he is in much of the canon be completely decimated by Jason fans who only know fanon and the retconned version of Red Hood and completely deny canon even exists and refuse to even glance at the comics. Transformative works are important and playing in the sandbox is for everyone but fandom literally cannot exist without canon. Canon is important and people can do whatever they want with it but they should respect it enough to at least look at it.

Hi anon, I'm going to hold your hand as I say this, and I will say it as gently as I can: This is still a form of canon purism.

We can absolutely agree that readers shouldn't berate or abuse writers for how they choose to portray characters in fic, whether that's a more canon-faithful characterization or a popular fanon version. If readers don't like how a character is portrayed, we should encourage them to hit the back button instead.

I want to draw your attention to some of the words you used in your ask above: "should" "respect" "decimated" etc. Those are some strong words to describe how you think people need to behave, in order to exist in fandom. Of course, there is no fandom without canon source material -- I'm not denying that. But with such a wide and varied canon, the DC fandom has examples of the Red Hood you mention above, AND the "retconned" version you also reference. Both are canon, as in actually, officially, canon. WFA is canon, and that Red Hood looks very different from the Red Hood you describe.

Now, I think your issue is that you enjoy a certain version of canon, and you're frustrated that the fandom doesn't also, as trends ebb and flow, enjoy that canon as much as you do. Again, I want to acknowledge that just because a certain version is popular, it doesn't give folks the right to berate authors for writing a different version. But again, I don't think that's what we're really talking about here. From your ask's tone, I think you're suggesting that people should, in order to participate in fandom, read that older canon, that different version, or as you say, "glance at it" before enjoying or writing the fanon version.

Guess what? They actually, really, really, don't have to. It sounds like you have some issues with judging your fellow fandom members who don't read what you do or reference certain canon. But the magic of this fandom is, you can enter it at any point. We're a big pool, and if someone's entry point is the Lego Batman movie and that's it, that's still valid.

Fandom stems from canon, yes, but I almost never hear people talk about movies, or web comics, or other media when they talk about "required reading." It's always a comic. I really wish people would reflect on that before suggesting it as the one true path to being a fan.

The other thing I don't see asks like these reference ever is the reality that sometimes a fandom outstrips its canon material, and that that's an eventuality in some spaces. Fanon interpretations become popular, and people write about those specific characterizations or scenarios. They ebb and flow, like I mentioned, and some are more canon-faithful than others. Some completely reject canon, and again -- it's still fandom. It doesn't make it better or worse than a more canon-faithful fic. It's just different.

I had a couple asks about this topic a few weeks ago, and I'm assuming you haven't read those or you likely wouldn't have sent me this ask. But in them, I discuss how sometimes we need to suck it up and be unhappy that canon-faithful fics aren't as popular in a fandom at a specific time, and stop punishing fellow fans for writing and enjoying those fics. And we really need to stop shitting on them publicly on Tumblr.

Because often, what you're really saying is that you wish more people would write more canon-faithful fics, and stop writing ones about fanon topics you don't enjoy or think are accurate. And to that, I again say, there is nothing you can or should do to change that behavior from others. If you want to read it, write it, enjoy it, etc, do it yourself. Build the comic-faithful community here, write fics and promote challenges, create a discord channel and discuss your "required reading" there.

We are all writing and reading fanfiction at the end of the day. It is a great equalizer in many ways. My silly Lego Batman fic is just as valid as a canon-faithful rewrite of a certain Batman issue. One is not better than the other, or more deserving of respect. You will never get me to admit otherwise on this blog.

tl;dr: people should absolutely not berate authors who choose to write canon-faithful characterizations. however, there are layers of judgement and disdain many DC comics canon-faithful authors/readers have for their fellow fans that I think we need to examine critically in order to coexist respectfully.

[melliae]

Hong Lu, An Analysis-Prediction

Before beginning, as always, I've to clarify something: I haven't read Dream of the Red Chamber. My best source of information are the thematic connections drawn in the Reddit sub of Limbus, and that only gives me a slight idea of what Project Moon may have in mind.

So, everything below here is complete and utter speculation based on my own knowledge and impressions about Hong Lu's character, Sins, EGOS, and Abnormalities. Beware, and feel free to comment your own opinions!

Now, let's go with the post!

What We Know

So, I think the best way to start this analysis is by recapitulating Hong Lu’s overall character so far. For that, we need to return to the first ever explanation of his personality: the “resume” given in the game page and during his presentation in Selva Oscura.

���As such, he has a certain admiration for a free life; but occasionally, he may make ignorant and unsavory questions in regards to the food cooked by a certain other Sinner or other aspects of the low-lives' lowly culture. [,,,] However, it is important to note that no sarcastic undertones are contained in his curiosity-driven inquiries, so it is ill-advised to let them get physical over it.”

As a general thing… It surprisingly holds up! Don’t misunderstand me, though. It isn’t that the description is perfect; it’s just not untrue. In fact, his first even line in the game, about Dante’s head being some sort of trend and not waiting for an answer, totally falls there. Similarly, there are several other moments showing Hong Lu’s innocence and naivety without any ulterior or hidden motive, from wondering if the casino workers of Canto II were trying to make the Peccatula their pets (likely because his grandmother collects weird animals) to unintentionally insulting Outis’ watch in Canto VI. I’d say the biggest proof of his lack of experience is the moment in Canto V where he adjusted the LCCB badge of a pirate that very obviously wasn’t a member of Limbus. Though all of his weirdness may derive from the fact that his elders—which are weird as hell—are his point of reference.

Now, since his most notable trait has been explained, we can move into the discrepancies of the description, and the biggest one is mentioned at the end: that under Hong Lu's comments there is no sarcasm—which is a complete lie! This man is a menace, and the Sinner’s experiences in District 20 during To Claim Their Bones and Canto VI shows it, from agreeing with Caiman’s assessment of LCB to joining Nelly’s teasing, including his lines while helping Heathcliff with his appearance and clothes. But arguably, my favorite example of this is the horror story he told during Canto V that scared Sinclair and which he only finished when the latter ran away. Don't tell me Hong Lu was being innocently insensitive back there: Sinclair was visibly shitting bricks, and the pretty boy here is keen enough to masterfully play the most compassionate and kind member of the League of Nine.

“Brother Young-ji was a man of kindness. He was not one to rashly harbor spite or reproach for others. You resemble him in that sense.” - Yi Sang, Blossoming League of Nine Littérateurs, Canto IV.

Though I suppose the difference between them is that Hong Lu clearly has a more optimistic and fun-loving attitude. This is an obvious trait that he has had since his childhood, when he played with and complained about his “cheating” siblings, sneaked into the dining hall of his manor for snacks, and simply didn’t follow his family’s rules. But since we know his family is extremely strict (if not outright sadistic), this sanguine streak may have developed (or gotten worse) as some sort of defense mechanism, which is seen better with Wakashu Hong Lu and his “lack of manners.” In fact, all of his Identities show an unnatural or improper calmness about his situation, no matter how horrible it is.

Another thing to highlight is his inquisitive, curious, and surprisingly understanding nature. While most of the examples above, especially him playing Young-ji, are proof of that, as it plays very well with his sheltered life. But I want to point out the best and most recent example of Hong Lu’s surprising contemplativeness: Time Killing Time. In particular, the most important scene is near the end, when Rodya and Hong Lu discuss his motivation to pursue the Time Reaper:

“I... just wanted to understand. Because, to me, the world was full of things I couldn't understand. In truth, I still understand so little of it. Why do people hang on so desperately to something like time? Something so... ephemeral?” - Hong Lu, Chapter 15: The Final Problem.

It’s normal to assume Hong Lu’s words are solely referring to the miserable monetary system of T Corp., but I don't think that’s all. We know that Hong Lu and Xinchun are well acquainted with the “immortality of the mind” the elders of their family are obsessed with, and what is immortality but infinite time? Thus, what Hong Lu asked there was why people hang on to the erroneous belief that life should not move or change, remaining constant and hence perfect for the rest of eternity. Yet, that isn’t what life truly is, right? It’s not for nothing that Hong Lu’s introductory quote is that “life has its vicissitudes as jade has its flaws,” which conveys his philosophy of detachment perfectly.

“When you’re distraught, simply remember that life goes on even if what you’re doing now doesn’t work out. Then, you’ll be free of worries.” - LCB Hong Lu

However, while the idea of detaching oneself from the whole without renouncing loving it is respectable, the way in which Hong Lu lives it is far from perfect, because detachment is not about carefreely admitting you will just simply gather the remains of your sister in case she is mutilated or readily accepting a horrible death just because you don’t mind dying. Even he himself admits from time to time, as with his jealousy over Heathcliff’s propensity to “ignore what he doesn’t like” (Rooms Past the Door) or Rim’s capacity to fly freely. In fact, one may even say that he hasn’t become detached at all, because doing so implies the complete acceptance of the “jade’s” beauty and flaws; Hong Lu, however…

“A thousand hours… Will a thousand hours have passed in the blink of an eye? [...] Then... I like that. Rip my time away.” - Hong Lu, Chapter 14: The Clock Tower of Fear, TimeKilling Time.

He has become detached from life altogether, and how could he not with the disaster that his family is? That likely was his only way to survive in such an environment, and unlike the rest of the Jia, he doesn’t seem to have that lucky predisposition for resentment and hatred. Even when his siblings tried to kill him the first time, Hong Lu didn’t come to hate them; he fully understood them because that’s the kind of person he is, just like Young-ji. However, since he realized such a thing through his big heart, he’s now fully aware that he will ultimately and cruelly die by their hands thanks to his love. In such a case, what other option does he have beyond merely “dancing”? A joke here, a sarcastic comment there, and a final appreciation for everyone so nothing is taken seriously and causes dissatisfaction, no matter how dim his eye becomes.

So, as of the 5th Walpurgisnacht, Hong Lu’s character can be summarized as follows:

Has a friendly, compassionate, and understanding personality that clashes against the violent and strict nature of his family.

Became detached over his own life because he can’t bring himself to hate and hurt his family.

His carefree attitude and sheltered life lead him to not understand some of the social conventions of… anyone who still has some respect for their own life.

Has a certain sarcastic and teasing streak, likely originating from both his personality and ideology.

There’s 1 aspect remaining that I didn’t mention above because I think it’s better to analyze Hong Lu’s EGOs first, to see what else we can rescue before giving a sort of “conclusion.”

About EGOs

Before any of you ask, no, I will not analyze Land of Illusion here; it’s best reserved for the next section, about Hong Lu Base ID. Instead, the first EGO I’ll deal with is, fittingly, the first one he ever received: Roseate Desire.

Roseate Desire originates from Pink Shoes, an Abnormality that evidently is an Aberration of Lobotomy Corp.’s Red Shoes, with their shared meaning being that of a single-minded and very violent obsession that’s impossible to resist—one of the purest expressions of Lust. But while Red Shoes and its EGO are fundamentally egoistic, not wanting to share the glory and pleasure of their desire’s fulfillment, Pink Shoes and Roseate Desire are of a softer shade, spreading their overwhelming lust to as many people as possible. The difference becomes clearer when you compare Rodya’s and Ishmael’s respective obsessions: the longing to be special vs. the desire to kill the “source of all evil” in retribution for all she has done.

Applying the former logic to Hong Lu, we can conclude first that he has a desire as strong as Ishmael’s hatred for Ahab, which is quite unexpected for someone who has basically given up on life! Thankfully, the Sin resources his version of Roseate Desire costs tell us a couple of things about his “fixation”: 4 Lust and 2 Envy. The dominance of Lust is self-explanatory, so that leaves us with Envy, which I commented on in the previous section: jealousy over those who can ignore and escape their problems—those who are “free.” Yet, since Roseate Desire and Pink Shoes are characterized by a sort of collective hedonism, so is Hong Lu’s wish to escape his family. Surely such a thing will bring joy to his cut-throat siblings.

And speaking about escapism, Hong Lu’s next two EGOs are all about that, beginning with the one whose Abnormality I analyzed in one of my previous posts: Dimension Shredder.

While Wayward Passenger is an Abnormality that is clearly about the trauma inflicted by W Corp.’s method of operation, it has a secondary meaning that Project Moon uses for its EGO too: being trapped in a horrible duty, necessity, or “path” that makes the individual envious of the life and possibilities others hold. This is best seen with Outis’ Dimension Shredder due to the Envy affinity, though Hong Lu’s Pride version isn’t that far off thanks to the Sin costs: 3 Pride and 3 Gluttony. Basically, it means that Hong Lu is “lost” due to external necessity, by things he can’t control (i.e., his family), but instead of resenting it as any other person would do, he takes pride in that, in having to follow a “terrible path,” because that’s the type of person he knows he is—the kind and understanding one that sacrifices himself.

The second EGO about escapism originates from LobCorp and hence from an Abnormality I haven’t analyzed: Soda and Opened Can of WellCheers, respectively. The two come from a Korean urban legend about people being drugged through juice cans and sold to fishing boats as slaves. Needless to say, the parallels with Hong Lu’s Soda are more than obvious: an envy born from a necessity (Gluttony) that grimly (Gloom) pushed him into a role he doesn’t want. Alternatively, and considering the ending of the Abnormality’s story log in LC, it’s the fulfillment of a fantasy born of jealousy, sadness, and necessity, though that doesn’t explain the Envy affinity of the EGO. Either way, nobody can deny that Soda stands for Hong Lu’s “murdered” wish to flee his circumstances.

The next EGO luckily is from another Abnormality I analyzed some time ago: Ambling Pearl and Effervescent Corrosion. However, unlike Rodya, who keeps the Abnormality’s original meaning mostly intact (safekeeping the “pearl”/one’s meaning from the “filthy” outside), Hong Lu gives it a twist: it’s not about protecting his “life treasure,” but something else

“Faust: For instance, let’s say that Hong Lu held a belief he was certain would be an unchanging constant as he lived in the City. Or, it could be a hope for some other psychological sustainment that has supported his life. Hong Lu: …Hmm. Faust: If that support suddenly collapses in a massively shocking event that causes one to let their “ego” go, his mind would crumble, so to speak. Hong Lu: …Well, I could see that happening. [...] Hong Lu: Hm… I thought I knew, but I can’t seem to elaborate on it with words right now.” - Chapter 3: Hell’s Chicken, Hell’s Chicken.

Unlike Rodya’s desire to be special and her notorious inner conflict, which is reflected in how similar her Corrosion is to a broken Ambling Pearl, Hong Lu is much more secretive about his opinions, usually referring to his frivolous comments instead of using the great insight he has, according to Dante. Nonetheless, even if we don’t exactly know the “core belief” he holds close to his heart (though we should have a general idea at this point), we do know that his version of Effervescent Corrosion, beyond Gluttony or the desire to survive, requires Gloom. So whatever Hong Lu is hiding, it’s far from happy, as his Sin weaknesses further show after EGO usage: weak to Lust and Sloth, to love and inaction—to the idea of not protecting himself.

In a similar vein, Hong Lu’s next EGO is entirely about sadness, as it comes from Blubbering Toad, aka depression incarnated. However, Cavernous Wailing isn’t a Gloom EGO but a Sloth one, and whose Sin costs are Gloom, Sloth, and Pride. That’s to say, Hong Lu’s refusal to take action and the resulting self-pity (“A heart shaken by sorrow bursts… like this.”) are fed by his sadness, indolence, and distorted self-perception, an aggrandized mental image of himself as able to carry all his pain without problem.

“It goes like this. Any of our siblings who managed to survive on their own up to the age of thirteen in our household will probably be a-okay even if they were to be tossed out to the middle of the Outskirts! Hehe…” - Hong Lu, Chapter 20, Canto VII.

Finally, the last EGO is the newly added Lasso, which comes from Rose Hunter, and really, its Mirror Dungeon Encounter puts it the best: Rose Hunter is the one who makes sure all stories follow their natural course, their flow, and “he” is no exception; the Hunter is willing to get lost if that’s the story it must obey. Fittingly, Lasso represents the same idea of not resisting one’s “tale” or “myth,” going along with what’s written not out of indolence or apathy, but because it’s necessary, akin to the motif of the “fetters of fate,” for example. In that regard, their underlying archetype is the same as that of the Orphic Ananke, the deification of the necessity that created the universe, which can be best understood through the following aphorism: existence came to be because it exists. Or put it in a simpler manner: you must follow your nature because that’s who you are.

Hong Lu’s Lasso, in the same way as Faust’s, requires first and foremost Gluttony to work, for that’s the entire deal of the Abnormality. Then comes the Lust requirement, which implies this “work” is also done out of either love or a twisted desire, a mania for things to follow their assigned nature or role. The final Sin cost is the variable one, which for Hong Lu is Pride again, his aggrandized sense of self that drives him to fulfill his role without complaining, solely out of love and necessity.

So, with all the EGOs analyzed, we can rescue the following:

Hong Lu, more than anything, wishes to escape the situation he has been put in. He wants to be free behind all those frivolous and/or insensitive commentaries.

However, due to his upbringing, he “murdered” those wishes so to speak, and remains walking the path his family has put him by many reasons, chief among them his love for them and his distorted perception of his own self.

Thus, all that longing and yearning for freedom remains hidden, barely able to see the light of the day except in the rarest of occasions. That’s likely his “pearl,” the thing that he ultimately hides for his own survival.

About His Base ID and EGO

You know, I have always been curious about why people are so adamant about Hong Lu being depressed. No doubt he has depression at some level, but I don’t think it’s as severe as people normally think it is because his Base ID simply lacks any form of Gloom. This is in stark contrast to Sinners such as Yi Sang, Gregor, and especially Ishmael, since she has a Gloom Base EGO as well. But if such is the case, then what does Land of Illusion means, since it requires Gloom to be used?

However, I think it’s important to understand Hong Lu’s Sin spread first, his psychology in this particular possibility:

His third skill, that is, his most inward and deep trait, is Lust. This Sin placement is only shared with LCB Heathcliff, whose devotion to Catherine is quite literally a multiversal constant as per Canto VI; everything he does, he does it for Cathy. Thus, Hong Lu must have a similarly romantic or affectionate nature, and we know that he isn’t the type to stop “loving” due to the cruelty of a person; his reaction towards the attempt against his life says enough. He even tried to understand the Time Ripper at some level during TimeKilling Time.

His second skill is Sloth, an inaction that’s much shallower but no less decisive, so to speak. One can understand it as deriving from his much more encompassing Lust or Love, which is to say that Hong Lu refuses to take action or initiative in his life out of the love and understanding, in a similar manner to how LCB Faust lets her every move be commanded by the Gesellschaft thanks to her need for self-realization.

Finally, his third skill, his most outward and shallow trait, is Pride. This position is only shared with the Base IDs of Faust (again) and Sinclair, although the former is the easiest one to understand: Faust is somewhat haughty without a doubt, but not egocentric or self-absorbed by any metric; she’s just socially naive and with a great deal of knowledge that tends to ostracize her by her own volition. Pride is, after all, the de facto Sin of distorted self-perception, of thinking you are more capable than you really are.

Again, all of this tells us what we already know: the kindness of Hong Lu, his indolence born out of said kindness, and the weight he alone bears on his shoulders. We can’t even say that he has a low self-esteem unless we include in that definition a “imposing limits on who you are,” which, yes, sounds right, but it leans too much in the territory of semantics for my taste. Furthermore, Hong Lu’s strange relationship with Gloom and sadness can also be contrasted with the Sinners I mentioned before, those with Gloom and whose Cantos are available:

Yi Sang was the living stereotype of the depressed person: cold, distant, unfeeling, dead inside, etc. Whatever you name, Yi Sang likely had it.

Ishamel’s emptiness and self-destructivity were well-hidden until her Canto, during which all hell was let loose.

And Gregor is possibly one of the most realistic approaches of all, as we can see with the flashbacks of his past during Canto I. Even so, he… well, remains somewhat functional (and I’m really stretching the definition there xD)

And don’t get confused. In this case, Gloom isn’t equal to feeling sad or being traumatized by any means; every Sinner has their own share of problems, and not all have Gloom. Sinclair had his family and town massacred thanks to Kromer's obsession with him, for example, and while I don’t doubt he feels a deep sadness and regret about it, he doesn’t have Gloom in his Base ID. The same applies to Rodya, her low self-worth, and her guilt about the fate of her neighbors, lacking any sort of Gloom as well. The most extreme and recent case of this is boss Sancho, who doesn’t have any Gloom skill at all, despite her character and story being more than fitting.

Therefore, Gloom, in the straightest sense and avoiding exceptions or little quips, refers to a deep-seated hopelessness, a melancholy that devours all dreams and hopes, causing one to become completely lost in life. In such a case then, it’s not that Hong Lu isn’t sad or, damn, depressed, but that he knows how to manage such emotions so they don’t overwhelm him as they do with Gregor, Yi Sang, or Ishmael. The same likely happens with his wish to escape and his jealousy, for he seemingly knows that no life is truly a “flawless jade.”

“In a way, we’re all ‘deprived’... and that can change a lot of things. Maybe there are things that we can understand only when we’re left with nothing.” - Hong Lu, Chapter 1: Wuthering Heights, Canto VI.

This self-control naturally falls in line with his inclination for Pride and Lust, creating a sort of “transpersonal” point of view that allows him to curb his emotions in order to understand others. It’s quite Buddhist or Taoist, no? This kind of detachment over life I explained before, I mean. In a way, it strengthens the theory of Jia family elders treating Hong Lu as a golden child, and while he doesn’t seem to really like the idea, he resigned himself to it.

“I can't do much about what I was born with~ To them... I was a gem of a child.” - Hong Lu, Liu Association South Section 5 Uptie Story.

He renounced all the transient things in his life, all of his wishes and sadness, in order to carry out his family’s expectations: the preferred family head candidate. And what is another form to call transient things? Illusions.

Land of Illusion is the culmination of Hong Lu’s hidden sadness, his yearning to escape that will forever remain out of his reach—or at least he thinks so.

“With this there is often, to a smaller or greater extent, a savior complex, or a Messiah complex, with the secret thought that one day one will be able to save the world; the last word in philosophy, or religion, or politics, or art, or something else, will be found.” - Marie-Louise von Franz, The Problem of the Puer Aeternus.

Hong Lu doesn’t believe himself to be a savior, naturally. But I cannot deny that it would be very much in character for him to imagine or fantasize about a world where he doesn’t have to fulfill his family expectations, where they can all be happy. That would explain the Lust cost of Land of Illusions, as well as the weaknesses to Envy and Wrath, which are a stand-in for the rejection of his innermost wish.

But alas, at the end, life has its flaws, and there’s no way Hong Lu will raise a fist against his family. Even if his survival depends on it, Hong Lu won’t defend himself because that would mean choosing and thus losing, and there’s nothing more terrifying to the eternal child than losing things. Death is a much more merciful and tempting possibility than acting and suffering.

“The puer aeternus very often has this mature, detached attitude toward life, which is normal for old people but which he acquires prematurely—the idea that life is not everything, that the other side is valid too, that life is only part of the whole existence. [...] So before he has gone down to earth, he already has the offer of death.” - The Problem of the Puer Aeternus.

In this regard, it doesn’t matter much Dante’s rewind or the actual existence of an afterlife. It’s the idea of death as a solution for a hard life, instead of confronting the problem itself, of standing up and withstand the uncertainty and pain of life.

AAt the end of his Canto, Hong Lu will have to stand up for himself and to carry on the pain. That's how a "child" becomes an "adult," or better said, an actual family head.

Post-Commentary

... Yeah.

To be honest, I don't know where the inspiration behind came for this. It just fell on me one day, like Faust's theory. But where I'm confident in that one, I'm completely lost in this post, especially because while the conclusion seems right (standing up to the abuse and expectations coming from one's family), the reasoning is somewhat flimsy? I don't know. I have the feeling that I'm retreating Canto VII's (and even Canto III's) story and themes somehow, though the similarities may be the reason of why Xinchun was introduced, maybe. That would make Don's confusion funnier xD

The final mentions of the puer aeternus (similar to the Peter Pan syndrome, but not quite) are due to how Hong Lu's character screamed "puer" to me, surpassing every other one. The fact his summary highlighted that he is a "bachelor" brought to mind this little quote of Marie-Louise's books:

“The two typical disturbances of a man wh ohas an outstanding mother complex are, as Jung points out, homosexuality and Don Juanism.”

If a man gets around too frequently, he'll obviously not get married. If he's gay, then even less reason to do so or look at women. In this case, the idea is not about the actual sexual orientation of Hong Lu (or the accuracy of the book's assessment), and more about highlighting his refusal to commit.

Also, as a funny note, The Problem of the Puer Aeternus has a fragment that's really similar to, from what I've gathered, the warnings the monks gave to the Stone at the beginning. Since the book also deals with the case of Saint-Exupéry and The Little Prince, there may also be something interesting regarding Demian (Limbus', not Hesse's).

Anyway, and repeating myself, if you have any other opinion or thought you want to share, feel free to do so! Similarly, if you notice any orthographical or grammatical error, let me know. It's difficult to see them, even when using several online tools...

[sunnysam-my]

Hazbin Hotel redesign ideas p. 2

I am a bit of fashion, especially men's, history nerd, and I'm also a bit of radio nerd, so here I go, biblically accurate Alastor.

ALASTOR:

Alastor was a radio host (a radio star?) who lived and died in Louisiana. He was shot during a hunting accident, in the head, somewhere in the 1933, during radio's golden era. He cares greatly about his image and always smiles to show no weaknesses. He hates modern technology and doesn't allow his face to be captured by video recording or non black and white camera. His is mixed-race Creole.

Nothing about Alastor design make sense and it pisses me off. Not only it doesn't fit the time, it also doesn't fit his character! Besides, he is too red. He disappears into the background, especially walls of the Hotel.

Alastor cares about his image greatly, yet his clothes are torn. He is supposed to be like Hannibal, yet he looks like an edgelord wannabe. It's awful. I learned nothing about him from his design, other than "he's and old-time radio deer guy", and that's really bad.

Fashion in 30s was inspired by Hollywood, and sport and movies celebrities.

Back and white fashion in this period wasn't that different, at least for men, as long as you weren't poor, but here are some photos of specifically black fashion in 30s. In general I recommend that website if you want to look more into the fashion of this period.

His hair is completely wrong. And it's also really ugly lol. For richer black men a shiny straightening hairstyle was the go to since 1920s. One such style was "the conk" where one would chemically straighten their hair. It left hair shiny, but the process was painful and expensive. It literally could burn your scalp.

Another popular style was the brush wave. It's creating narrow waves rolling on top of head with the sides cut short and smooth. This hairstyle is still present to this day, but nowadays it's done on the whole head.

Other than that, men just wore their hair naturally, but short.

There is no focus on trousers or vest in Alastor's outfit. (Which is wild considering zipper fly was introduced in the early 30s, but was got popular by the mid ’30s). This was time of experimenting a bit with vests. If you wanted to look fancy and/or formal, you would wear a vest. Pants were wide legged, had a high waist and a single pressed line down the center of the leg. Some trouser waistbands were unique in the 1930s, for example a Hollywood waistband trouser. It had an extra wide band with a double row of buttons. They fit very high, overlapping the ribs. they often had netal ring tabs on the sides to tighten the pant to the correct fit without the need for belts or suspenders.

Also, monocle? Really? …Really? Here you go, read this if you're curious. Lots of pictures of glasses included. Glasses stayed essentially the same in 30s as they were in 20s. They were "round with a center bridge in the early years and an upper bridge in the later years. Frames could be tortoiseshell, black plastic, or thin metal." 

Moving on from fashion, because I could never shut up, microphones!

The most probabale one that everyone who is redesigning Al is drawing is a good old classic Carbon mic. It looks like a ring with a metal star and the microphone inside. It can be hand held or a staff.

But, if you wanna draw something different!

Other than Carbon mic there is also a Ribbon microphone (first row) and Moving Coil mic (second row). Unfortunately, they killed Alastor in the best part of the radio golden age, so the mics are still a bit ugly, not gonna lie.

How would I design him:

First things firsts, either he is mixed or he is white, because right now it just feels like a cheep excuse to have an "evil voodoo" character without getting too much backlash. Let's be honest, nobody thought he was a POC and that white face doesn't help. Again, just like I mentioned with Vel, when you're drawing a character with human like skin tone you have to be careful and think how it ties to their race.

Second - fashion. His outfit and hairstyle is a disaster. He has always tried to 'dress to impress', so obviously I would give him well maintained clothing and that 'high quality', formal style. I would give him the dark brown Hollywood trouser with buttons and dark crimson shirt, like dried blood almost. Under a coat or jacket he would have a brow vest, both the same colour as the pants. Highlights would be golden and green or purple. I for one would love to see him start out with a jacket/coat which he stops wearing inside the hotel after he bonds with the people inside it more, but he would still wear it outside and in the finale would put it on again, after his breakdown in the tower. This would show he began to trust the hotel residents a bit before he 'realises his mistake' after the battle. I would give him short haircut, because not even white people wore hair like that. (What in the Karen-core is it supposed to be?). Say goodbye to that monocle. Why is it even there there? Because he is old-timely? What is he, a children's cartoon villain? His design doesn't need more soulless clutter. Give me something that tells me about him as a character. I've seen people give him old radio as teeth or chest and I love it! When it's not too detailed, it's a great idea to make Alastor less like a living human but also less of… just a deer. He just looks like a deer demon. I would keep his shoes, hands and antlers, and give him ears that would fit the hairstyle I would go with.

[Edit: I forgot to mention, I would give him a time accurate hat or a free wavy lock of hair to cover the mark on his forehead where he was shot]

Thirdly, the microphone! My love. I remember the microphone used to be able to talk, but now it doesn't, unless I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure. Now it's just a weird look staff microphone with an eye and that's about it. But imagine something like a moving coil with the metal sign on top of it were the letters on it change. It could be a way it's communicating, in a simple way. This was it could still have a unique shape. That would have been fun to see. I can certainly imagine it being something of an 'unfiltered voice' of Alastor, where it would change it's writing into "Shut up", "Die" or something like that and he would hit it in a reprimanding way to reverse it to "Smile!". I'm just saying, that's a cool idea.

Well, this took forever to make, I actually forgot about this, so it just sat in my drafts. Anyway, if you want to see brilliant use of costumes and detailed, accurate depiction of fashion (especially black and queer) through history in New Orleans I recommend "Interview With The Vampire" (2022). It's also a great show.

[cy-cyborg]

Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]

One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”

I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.

This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.

Let me use my partner as an example:

Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.

I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time. It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.

This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.

[nrdmssgs]

Activision doesn't understand, how Russian language works

Spoilers to CoD MW3 below the cut.

@sofasoap @siilvan @cumikering @stag-beetle-wastaken @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot be my guests.

First and most important: this rant is not aimed to 'make Russian culture great again'. I am not offended as a representative of some cultural or linguistic group. But as a member of gaming community, I feel, as if Activision... kinda didn't give a flying f about the gaming experience, that they are trying to sell me for 60 Euros. And I can't say, I like this feeling.

Second: I will be criticizing some approaches to language, that I will never criticize in fanfiction. Because you guys are doing it for free, for the sake of having fun. So I will be ok with you just straight using Google translate to write e.g. Nikolais lines in Russian. Because you never ask me to pay 60 Euros for the right to read your works. With that being mentioned, lets roll!

Activision doesn't pay attention to their own script, when it comes to Russian lines

Ok, this is a major issue. Because Activision sometimes gives completely different information in character line and in the subtitles. And it is not some minor information, we are talking about major plot details!

Let's just watch 20 seconds of a playthrough (time code 8:44)

Pay attention closely to how Makarov starts his monologue after Nolan says "Its an honor, commander". Makarovs subtitles say 'four years', when Makarov says something like 'shest let'. "four" in Russian is "chetyre", "six" is "shest`". These words sound nothing alike! And to check this, you literally need 5 seconds on google translate! Here, Activision, I did your work for you and I don't even ask for 60 freaking Euros! You learn these numbers on your second-third lesson of Russian 101!

There are ways to fix this scene. There are even ways to do it without reshooting Julian (because ok, I get it, maybe he costs so much, that all our 60 Euros purchases would never help Activision to economically recover...). All you need is to ask him to record TWO WORDS!

Activision doesn't care for wording even in the simplest proverbs

You remember a saying "enemy of my enemy is my friend"? I mean, of course you do, even John Price remembers it! And you know, who forgot this saying? Activision did! Because honest to god, I was very happy with our new Yuri, until he produced this ominous linguistic construction... (time code 56:10)

And if you think, it sounds just a tad off in English... Well, in Russian this sounds, as if a Colonel, a man, who spent tenths of years constantly communicating with soldiers, superiors, officials, started learning Russian... a month ago.

This is an international proverb, it exists in many languages! Now this is a safe case to use an automatic translator! It gives you a very simple answer.

But for some mysterious reason, Activision writes their strange line, translate to russian and find a poor-working synonym so that Yuri doesn't say 'opponent' twice... And in the end it kinda still makes sense, but this whole phrase sounds so off!! You never choose this sick long, overloaded wording for a proverb, that you literally learn at school. They just make it look like zarin is already there and it affects Yuri heavily.

This is just one example, but in reality, almost every Makarovs monologue sounds very strangely formulated. I just got you one example, but believe me, this is a systematic issue here. And the strangest thing is that all their errors are so easy to fix, but they never bothered!

Activision doesn't care for how Russian sounds

Ok, this is not a rant against Julian Kostov. The guy does his wor absolutely gorgeous! He steals every scene, where he appears, and I have nothing, but respect for him. However... Russian is a complicated language. For real. It is full of long words, with many unfamiliar for European ear sounds. It is not only difficult to understand it - it is complicated even to imitate it.

Now apparently Julian knows Russian to some extent just because of his origin and age. But that doesn't save him from swallowing some letters, syllables, sometimes even big parts of words. And when it happens in almost every line of his character - it becomes an issue. An issue, when even Russian-speaker has to read subtitles to understand, what is going on in a scene with two Russian characters!

This whole scene is a nightmare (time code 1:42:54). Replaced letters, disappearance of parts of words, strange accents - they collected a bingo on this one.

And I dont blame actors here! Because on every shooting there is a director - a guy, who is responsible for how overall scene will look and sound in the end. There is always a possibility to find someone, who actually speaks the language and make them sit and listen! And if there are many issues with pronunciation revealed - you just come to your actors and say 'guys, you did amazing jobs, we are so happy to work with you. Now can we please do another shot and pay attention to these lines of yours?'.

And believe me, it is ok to have multiple shots for ingame cutscenes! Actors are ok with that! I don't ask for a perfect pronunciation, I just ask Activision to make sure, their characters don't sound as if they are speaking gibberish!

The most strange part here is that there are super-clean lines in game as well! Milena spoke with accent too, but she sounded clear! Some NPCs sounded perfect!

So Im sorry, but at the end of the day - this your most accurate Russian character by Activision. Because he chose to speak English.

[tavyliasin]

The Abdirak Essay - Fandom, Pain, and Loviatar's Love

Another day, another Lia Essay - and if you're really really deliciously sinful my very dear darlings, I shall give you yet more when the sun rises again upon the morrow. So, today in Niche Fandom Adoration Hours, I give you:

For The Love of Loviatar: Why Discomfort Can Be Delightful, How Agony Alleviates Anguish, and All The Ways Abdirak Fans Are Also TavyliaSin's Very Favourite People (Who Also Probably Need A Hug) ((Do We Love The Long Titles?)) (((If No, Consider This Essay Title Part Of Your Penitance)))

The themes of this essay will discuss: BDSM, Kink, Chronic Pain, wounds/injury, Acute Pain, Mental Health, mentions of harmful behaviours, a discussion of psychological elements from someone with absolutely no formal training or experience, vague mentions of trauma, and the magic of friendship. So please make sure you are in a comfortable place within yourself if you feel any of the above might be difficult to read for any reason. It is ok to skip sections as each has a topic header, or you can leave at any time. Nobody is judging you for that at all. Additionally, NSFW discussion further through, so minors DNI as usual. Very little of my blog will ever be suitable for under 18s, for your safety and for mine. Editing in to add a link to the Abdirak fandom gift to chronic pain pals A Cameo from Declan (Abdirak's Performer) (Fully SFW)

All that said, the main theme of this piece is actually:

To truly understand suffering is to avoid being its cause.

So, let's understand what "Suffering" is first, shall we, Dear Ones?

The Difference between Pain and Suffering

Lia hasn't completely lost the plot darlings, the two words may seem almost interchangeable but they are not. At the very least, this is the interpretation I have and the discussion that follows will stick with it too~ Pain is the sensation itself, whether physical or mental, it is the hurt, the bruise pressed upon, the moment a heart breaks. That is pain. Suffering on the other hand, is the effect that the pain has. It is the anguish, the torment, the overwhelm and the exhaustion. So, whilst two people might have the same pain, let's say a stubbed toe for a simple example, their suffering might be very different. One might feel able to walk it off, maybe swear a little and move on. Another might need to sit immediately, feel tears in their eyes, or even become utterly overcome by misery from the intense sensation. This might sound like a difference in tolerance, but it can also be seen as taking the bigger picture into account. One brick might not feel so heavy to someone with empty hands, but added to a pile of bricks already carried it may feel as if it weighs a dozen times as much.

What about Abdirak? How does he relate to Pain and Suffering?

When I first heard Abdirak speak, I knew he understood this concept to its very core. His goddess wants pain, but in himself he does not seem to want actual suffering. He does draw a different line, with pain being physical and suffering being the mental aspect, however the principles are very close to my own. Some people might see Abdirak and judge him as cruel, as a torturer delighting in anguish, but that could not be further from the truth. When he speaks of delivering pain with a loving hand, that really is meant. When he was speaking to the player character, for a moment I felt so intensely seen when he speaks of seeing a greater suffering.

"Forgive me, but that look in your eyes - something terrible has happened to you. ...I see those same eyes when I look in the mirror, dear one."

This, to me, was such a moment. He recognises trauma easily, and we also have this chance here to either interpret this as "oh, right, the tadpole stuff, the things in the game" or we can allow our own feelings about a player character's backstory as the interpretation of what he has seen. Either way, he immediately offers to alleviate that suffering with pain, something he is familiar with, something he knows to help from personal experience. There's the important point. His motivation is not to cause hurt, but to relieve it.

How does pain make anything better?

Deep breaths loves we're getting to the heart of a few things here and it may get heavy. At the most basic broken down level, right at the bottom of everything, it's about distraction. Pain is instant, sharp, a sensation that draws our nerves tight and fires off that electricity directly into our brains. It takes our attention and focus away from whatever else is on our minds. Usually? This would be detrimental, to be unable to concentrate on something because pain is intruding. However, think back here, "delivered with a loving and measured hand." This is precise pain, sensation that is welcomed and applied with expert care in order to reach that point right between where pain is suffering and where it cuts out the thoughts. BDSM darlings will know this as similar to "subspace" which I will discuss later~ Whilst there is some short term benefit to using strong sensation to distract the mind and alleviate intense distress, if taken into real life scenarios there are a lot of things to consider, and it is far better to speak with a therapist. Though the most commonly suggested low-harm methods can be things like gripping an ice cube for a minute or two, or even something like exercise that can push the mind to focus on the body instead of the source of the distress. The element of penance is also there. Abdirak brings to the fore those thoughts of struggle and guilt, so those are the thoughts that are stripped back by the physical pain. It's intentional, careful, and taps at the other core of using pain to alleviate suffering.

Why we love Abdirak, and the importance of recognising the weight of unwarranted guilt.

Remember my little villain essay? Back then I spoke of how a love for villains can also come from the way we are prone to judge ourselves unfairly, to heap undeserved guilt at our own feet, and to believe every slight mistake to be a heinous sin. Sorry, darlings, the only heinous "sin" you are allowed to believe in is me. Name puns aside... Part of the draw is indeed right there, believing ourselves deserving of punishment it's appealing to want to submit to that and find absolution from everything we judge ourselves for. And yet, it isn't a horrific thing, it's coloured by love and affection. The Love of Loviatar from Abdirak does not ignore that first part. But I do encourage you, if you are feeling particularly called out right now, to stop seeking punishment for things that are objectively not your fault, and instead treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness. By all means continue to indulge in our beloved priest of Pain and the joy he brings, but do so without any negative self-assessment, alright? Good, I'm glad we agre- THAT MEANS ALL OF YOU. No exceptions.

And what of the Fandom?

Ahh Abdirak fandom. Small, loving, welcoming, and utterly devoted~ Similarly to villain fandom (Abdirak is obviously not a villain, but is arguably villain-coded), his fandom also draws a lot of kindness and understanding. Despite how we might see ourselves, we are remarkably free from judgement in how we treat each other. There's endless encouragement, genuine warmth, and alongside spicy takes that might make lava look like a suitable spot for ice fishing there's a profound amount of respect and consent. By which I mean, there's no shame. There's no allowance for "I hate that character you like", or "that kink is bad because I don't like it". Tags and CWs are applied to posts and works with care and nobody is treated poorly for enjoying what (or who) they enjoy in the fictional space. To go back to the quote at the start of this essay, "to truly understand suffering is to avoid being its cause." I feel the vast majority of us have that depth of insight and recognition for suffering and have the empathy required to wish to avoid it. And that is why I would perhaps feel safest in the company of Abdirak fans (and likewise Raphael fans), there's another level of connection in those tadpoles~ Which leads me neatly forwards to...

Endurance: Abdirak and Chronic Pain Sufferers

Here, loves, we're going to get a bit more personal. Those of us with chronic pain conditions may find an even deeper connection. So I'll go over a little for those who are fortunate enough to not have personal experience here: Chronic Pain - This applies to pain which is constant or frequently recurring, that lasts (and/or is expected to last) for more than 3 months. It's not like a broken bone that heals and has an end, it's not like a few headaches that come and go with little consequence, it is either always present or always on the edge of flaring up at any time. It's different to acute pain, because most conditions have no cure, many barely have any treatment so all one can do is try to endure the worst of it. The other side-symptoms can be reduction in physical ability, exhaustion, mental health difficulties (because for some odd reason constant pain is not a path to happiness), low self esteem, and of course carrying the guilt of feeling like a burden if you need help from others (you are not a burden, and anyone who says so can receive the blessing of forever feeling like there is a stone in their shoe that they cannot find). As an aside, this can apply to chronic mental health struggles too - it is still pain, only a different kind. Though I will be looking primarily at physical pain here, as that's where Abdirak's focus is. Now, where are we going with this? The difference here is in how pain is treated. Abdirak speaks of pain as a wonderful thing, as something that is sought after, that is a way of worshipping Loviatar. This is something that might feel strange to someone who is plagued by pain, but there's another quote I'd like us to remember.

"Pain without purpose is a terrible thing, wouldn't you agree?"

Chronic pain has no purpose. It's there whether by illness or injury, or some other unseen cause. It was not a choice, it doesn't bring any relief, and often it drags us right down with it.

"Please let me alleviate this pain."

And there's another line, one we wish we could hear, one we wish so very deeply in the core of our being that we could believe. That there could be someone who could bring an end to the pain even if only for a brief time, a fleeting hope of relief.

How fanworks can be a means of coping with chronic pain.

So here's the next point... What in all the hells do I mean, how can fanworks help a single thing? Well, have some personal moments. I had a deeply unpleasant flare up the other night, so I put out a brief ask to writing groups for some comforting fiction shorts. In the past, I've written a few myself - like these: Abdirak - Migraine Comfort Yurgir - Migraine Comfort Tav - General Comfort, with Audio Multi-Character Comfort Drabbles (Including Abdirak) Full AO3 fic of Abdirak x Chronic Pain Reader (Spicy, NSFW)

These are the two I received from some writers very dear to my heart who have more talent and skill than I could ever hope to aspire to in their works. Elfvamp (who does not have tumblr) (image description is attached to the image)

and this one from @morb-untamed

Darlings, when I tell you there were tears in my eyes at these, I mean it. THIS is just an example of the understanding and compassion possible in the community, the care and consideration, and the emotion that words can carry through them that make things genuinely feel more bearable in the moment of distress. Both captured something that it took me too long to realise. Perhaps what follows might sound entirely unreasonable or unhinged, but for someone like myself who has not known a single second of what "0%" feels like in over 10 years, it's beginning to seem far more sane by the moment. What if, within the confines of my mind, I try to rewrite the understanding of pain as something different. Just tell myself each new pain is an offering to some vile deity who has decided my mortal vessel is worthy of enduring, rather than one that is being punished with suffering. Breathe through it and listen to those character voices, find my own purpose to the pain. Let it become inspiration, note it down, get that visceral and intimate knowledge to the page instead. Naturally, this probably isn't a healthy coping mechanism, nor one that is infallible, but there have been moments recently where thinking that has made the moderate levels less distressing, easier to tolerate for a time. Perhaps it could do the same for you, but perhaps not, either way - it is there. Please do read through the comfort pieces too, and if you would like to see more - even ones with more specific aims and pains, please do just ask and I will make them happen. Either through my ask box, or in comments/reblogs, or any other way you wish to contact me honestly.

Alright, Tavylia, we've covered personal pain, but you promised NSFW discussion!

Oh my very dear darlings I had not forgotten this part~ You may here people talk about "good pain" and "bad pain", and wonder how/why pain can ever be good. It's not just about a physical hurt sensation or using that as a distraction. Pain can cause a rush of adrenaline, and even endorphins - similar to how people enjoy extreme sports, horror films, or theme parks, it's a pleasant feeling from something that would usually be scary, because it's safe and controlled. Falling from a high place? That's terrifying, dangerous. Parachuting safely from that same high place? It's controlled, there's no real danger, but the feeling of danger brings that adrenaline rush. There's the key. In real life BDSM there is control in the safe signal, in knowing it can and will stop when needed, that although there is someone causing pain they will stop at a moment's notice. (Anyone who does not respect a safe word/signal is not someone you should be in that situation with, if you are engaging in or want to try BDSM with real partners please PLEASE do your research on safety, that's too long a lecture to add here) In the context of fiction, we can go a lot further. Could a real person easily withstand Abdirak hitting them with an axe in their back? Obviously not, that's far too much. But this is a world with magical healing, and our fantasy and fiction is quite safe to extend where we find is interesting. So when reading - and especially writing - with pain and pain play, I encourage you to remember these links to adrenaline, endorphins, and that it isn't about harm, it's far deeper, and finding an understanding of that (even if you never wish to experience it) might be of some benefit to understanding those around you who have this intimate relationship with pain.

A title for the End

I think I've covered a lot here, but I do just want to round us off now. If you have any questions about this topic (or any of my other essay posts), please do feel free to ask - that's why my box is there, for all kinds of discussions to open up. Not just for smut and creative writing, but for all the ways we connect with fiction and characters. There is so much more than a single story being told, each of us experiences it through the lens of our own experience, we all find our connections in different ways, and I will have more character essays on this later. There's so much more to see, to learn, from all the interpretations throughout the fandom. I'm very grateful to be here to witness it, and for you being here to share in these thoughts and explore them more with me. Pain can teach us many things, about ourselves and others. Empathy, kindness, compassion - when we know how much we need them ourselves, we begin to see how much others may need it too. Much like how Abdirak sees the pain behind the player character's eyes, and feels that strong desire to help in the ways he knows how.

A Final Note for the Pain Pals

To my Chronic Pain Pals, darlings you do not always have to be strong. It's alright. It will not break you entirely to let go of that incessant need to try and quietly endure. Find those places it is safe to let it out, look for those tricks you can use on your brain to make Loviatar's Favour just a little more bearable. You are worthy of kindness, support, and compassion. The same you are likely giving of yourself to everyone else. You are not a burden, these are pains you do not choose, and you deserve something more gentle without any guilt attached to it. You are also not alone, find community, find those who understand.

Pain without purpose...but have we given it one now?

So I hope this time the pain has had a purpose in teaching, in helping us connect in new ways, to find compassion and understanding. Until next time, Dear Ones, look after yourselves.

Oh hey look I know who made that gif that came up in the search~ What an absolutely wonderful coincidence ;) (And a final final footnote, hello Abdirak fan community, you are perfect and I wish you nothing but the best in all things)

[mikittalabs]

in a mood right now and i've been playing fire emblem again, recipe for disaster so let's just get on with this post.

anyway it feels like every time an fe fan mentions liking something about engage, it's in spite of it. there's always a "but" tacked on. like you can't really like engage, alear's hair is red and blue and isn't that so dumb!

and i get it, engage is tonally light. it's not about poorly written politics like 3h is. it's great that 3h has a sad line from dorothea a few dozen times and that characters love to talk about how much war sucks every 10 minutes.

it's weird and annoying. every criticism of 3h is fought back against because actually you just missed this single piece of lore from a random npc in ch6 you fucking nincompoop. did you even play the game? the fact every character loves to exposit information at you is actually a good thing and a sign of good writing and doesn't completely muddy up the experience.

meanwhile you have to prove that you actually like engage. and yea. i love engage. i think it's great. i'm gonna talk about things i like because i think the game is good. there is no "but" here.

think a perfect example of this whole "in spite of" thing is yunaka. that's not to say i don't like her, i think she's great, too, but she's also the character who angsts the most out of the cast. her ass is not slick when it comes to hiding her backstory.

naturally, the fandom likes her in spite of engage. like i'm sorry that hortensia is so offputting that you completely missed her story about abusive families and desperately reaching out for something that you can't go back to, and might not have existed in the first place. it's so sucks that celine talked about tea in the 2 supports of hers you got. it sure would be a shame if she's hiding some odd feelings of resentment towards alfred or her cruel tendencies.

sorry guys, supports can't have subtext. if your characters aren't saying exactly what they feel and exactly why all of the time, then it's bad writing. actually subtext is just bad. exposition dumps are where it's at! i loved that part where rhea looked at the camera at the end of verdant wind and told us the entire history of fodlan. or like, the majority of 3h supports.

i forget if i ever posted it but i called 3h characters a vehicle for more lore, and i think i was kinda on to something. engage has a lot of silly supports where characters are just goofing around, but they were never used for more lore in the way 3h uses its cast.

3h supports typically involve someone just telling the other their entire backstory and i'm not about to argue that it isn't giving you more information on a character. in an extremely physical manner, it is. but it's obnoxious. it's an extremely unsubtle way to get across information.

in a very literal manner, you, as the player, are learning about this character. things have in fact happened to them, but i think the crucial difference lies in how this doesn't usually tell you anything about the character as a person. you can draw connections between how they act and their backstory, sure, but what does that actually say about them?

sylvain acts like that because his family fucking sucks. this is true, but he's still acting like a fucking cunt. i understand that crests are so highly valuable in fodlan society that he was objectified and reduced to the fact he had a crest. he says that himself in his support with mercedes. it does not change the fact that he is still a piece of shit to women. contrary to popular belief, i don't think the fact that he's nice to annette changes that fact. also like, mercedes's own backstory is completely glossed over in that support, but that's another conversation for another time.

contrast that with pandreo. he's a silly goofy party guy. there can't be any depth to him because this is engage. except you read his supports and realize he's a deeply faithful man. he found faith when his parents were being The Worst and he parties because it's how he expresses his faith. perhaps you're initial perceptions of a character are not always correct. something you would think fe fans would know considering sylvain has supports where the support partner says something to that effect.

ok i'm starting to get a headache so i'm just calling it here. see you all in hell or however people end these long posts

[bbcphile]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for the ask, @thesilversun! 😀

Since the ask said written, not “are writing,” I’m not including my current MLC longfic (as yet unnamed), but otherwise it would absolutely be on this list. It’s 58k and not yet halfway through (facepalm), and I’m really looking forward to finishing it and sharing it. So, for MLC folks, sorry there’s only one MLC fic here!

1. What’s Sealed Away (Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Dihua)

I really enjoyed figuring out how a-Fei’s amnesia works based on the details the show gives us and the things it’s oddly silent about, and reverse engineering based on how he acts towards LLH what his experience of amnesia might be like. (Also, as someone who has unfortunately had experience with amnesia, I feel like most examples of the amnesia trope really punt on the many different kinds of memory and how amnesia can mean you lose some but not all, and the wild things that happen when there are contradictions between them.) I’m also really proud of the ways I tried to convey the meanings behind LLH’s reactions even when DFS as the POV character had no way to fully interpret them because of all the missing context. It was a fun writing challenge.

2. Nunc Atque Semper (Horatio Hornblower, Maria/Horatio Hornblower, past Archie Kennedy/Horatio Hornblower; the only Dead Kennedy Universe fic I will ever write)

I can’t even read fics where Archie dies without being an emotional mess for days, so I was not ever expecting to write one. But 1. I got a prompt for it, and 2. It was a chance to hold Horatio accountable for the ways he treats Maria in the series while also being sympathetic to him for his overwhelming grief and being married to someone he doesn’t love; and 3. I love incorporating literary allusions into my work, and Archie’s canonical love of Shakespeare meant that I could have a central part of the fic be Maria essentially trying to do literary analysis to figure out what Archie and Horatio were to each other. I very much broke my own heart with this fic and I’m still proud of it.

3. Harboured and Encompassed (Horatio Hornblower modernAU (libraryAU + actor!Archie), Archie/Horatio; Archie/Horatio/Will pre-slash; 148,000 words)

I am still so incredibly proud of how I adapted the characters and events (with aspects of some of the books thrown in) to a modern setting while staying true to who they are. These characters will always have a very very special place in my heart, as will the special combo of humor, fluff, and heart-rending angst that having a character like Archie at the center of it enabled (I miss writing him so much sometimes). I love the whole series, too, but this is definitely the core of it.

4. Turning Over the Sands of Time (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

I still don’t understand why this one has so few kudos when I think it’s some of my best writing. Maybe the subject matter is too bleak/violent? (Mind the tags if you read it!) I really love writing missing scene fics and character studies, and the moments from the show that bookend this fic break my heart every time and make me fall in love with Archie all over again, respectively, and I wanted to delve into the hellscape of Archie’s mind in those moments and show how, even when he is in emotional agony and dealing with flashbacks, he is still compassionate and caring and trying with what little agency he has to make sure no one ever suffers as he did, or at least, if they are forced to, that no one has to suffer alone. (Also, a horribly depressed and triggered Archie means a very poetic Archie, which means I got to write lines like “The actors had changed, but the play had not” and “a rotting weed by any name would smell as fetid” and “Dying might be a price worth paying if it could but purchase that.” Have I mentioned I miss writing Archie?)

5. Taking Hands Against a Sea of Troubles (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

TW: suicide mention

The first time I saw a delirious Archie quote Anthony and Cleopatra during his suicide attempt and the play-illiterate Horatio has no idea what he’s saying, I knew I wanted to write the a scene where they see the play together years later in Drury Lane and Horatio finally understands the context. And I knew the scene in the theater box would need so much non-verbal communication and would need to be so comparatively subtle–because of the semi-public nature of the theatre box and the very real danger they would face if Horatio actually comforted Archie more overtly–so I waited a few years after having the idea until I was able to execute it the way I wanted to. I really love fics that deal just as much (if not more) in what’s unsaid than what’s said–for all that I love deep dives into character psychology–and I’m so glad I was able to finally write this. 

Thanks again for the ask!

[meraki24601]

Hello! I saw your advice on your previous reblog and it's very helpful to know that there's other ways of writing and you could break a couple of rules. I am a very bad storyteller so it truly helps, thank you for sharing! I just want to ask for advice about dialogue, I take days thinking what the character should say in this part of the story that I am not moving forward. I don't think that's normal for one line to take that much time?? How long should thinking for a dialogue normally take for it to sound natural? I think it should be quick because everyday conversation isn't planned but then I read somewhere that dialogue in stories are different from everyday conversation and that they should move the plot. But I don't want to sound like a Hallmark movie. I am also not very fond of the monologues that happened inside of the characters head, so I completely remove that in my story. I like when writers leave clues in conversations, even if the story is vague, it's like a puzzle piece! I think it's fun when they do that so I try to copy it but I end up just spending so much time with dialogues just thinking about revealing not too much information. I kind of 'overbake' everything. It doesn't sound natural anymore. I have taken a break and everything, tried to reset the story. Only to get stuck on a dialogues again.

Oh my god this is so long I am so sorry I just want general advice on dialogues! I am new at this so I'm making a lot of assumptions.

Hello Friend! Thanks for asking!

You have some really good questions in there. If you're asking questions and trying to learn, you're never a bad storyteller; you're just inexperienced and learning. It takes time to figure it out, and even professional writers struggle to make their stories "good." That's why alpha and beta readers, as well as editors, are so important. Anyway, in most cases, rules are there so you can learn how to break them. That definitely applies to writing dialogue.

One rule that I always hear is that you need to write quickly. Completing a draft should only take this long, and you should be able to put down so many words in an hour. While that might be true in part for most professional authors, that is mainly for people who need to chug out 5 or 6 books per year. Unless you have a contract that says you have to have a completed book in a month, take as long as you need. Take a day or more to chew on a line if it's important enough to warrant the attention. That writer friend I mentioned in my last post? They tend to average 20-30+ words per hour. I, on the other hand, average more like 8-15. Even so, I've written complete drafts of 5 novels and released a children's book, and he's only written one. Each person is different. Speed does tend to come with experience, but it's not required to be a good writer.

Yes, story dialogue generally differs from what you might hear when listening to someone chatting at the next table in a restaurant. That mainly comes from removing filler words and unnecessary verbal delays. Can filler words be used? Yes. However, they need to be used sparingly. Some verbal delays can be hinted at outside of the spoken words through actions and the listener's reactions.

Personally, when I'm really struggling with figuring out what a character would say, it's usually an issue with understanding the characters themselves. Would your character react to what's happening? What part of the recent events would they be reacting to? How would this particular person respond to what has been said to them? Are they the kind of person who would overthink and work out what this or that means in their head, or would they talk out their thoughts? How would their background influence the specific words they use?

For example, if a character were to ask another, "Hey, could you get her some more coke?" There are a few things this would tell you about them. First, I might assume they were from the southern US since they used the word coke instead of soda or pop. The request also suggests they're familiar with the person they're asking or the other person is in a waiter position. The person who needs the drink might be a child, an anxious adult, a significant other, or some other relation to the person asking, and this character has taken charge of the situation and asked so the other doesn't have to. If your character isn't a Southerner who wouldn't actively take charge of another person's minor needs, then they probably wouldn't say the line as it is, and you would likely need to adjust it to fit. Even though it seems like a simple, sweet thing to do, if they're making the request to avoid answering a question they had been asked, it changes how the reader and other characters would feel about it.

It sounds like you're trying to find the perfect dialogue right away. Remember that your first draft is supposed to be awful. Let yourself intentionally write bad dialogue. Get those Hallmark, cheesy, "I love you. No, I love you more."s down on the page and then make it less vomit-inducing later. Once you know who your characters are, how they act, and what your readers actually need to know, then you can make them say those meaningful lines that will have people screaming about how they didn't see things before they happened. If you need to, write the action first. Avoid writing a single spoken word until you know where everyone is and what's happening in the chapter. You can even use asterisks and plug in things like *so-and-so says something cool here that reminds the reader of their dead brother* to make a note of where you need to come back to and help yourself get past a troublesome spot.

Keep going! Writing is never easy, but it does get easier as you learn. Practice, and when you're ready, let other people read what you've written and give constructive feedback.

[savagewildnerness]

For that ask meme: 4, 6, 13?

Helloooo! And thank you so much for your ask! 🥰 I actually meant for you all to answer the questions! But I shall happily answer these! And in answering, I realise asking 15 questions of you all would be A Lot! So, oooops! My apologies! 😇

4 - Any scene/moment you don’t like & why

I think it’s no surprise that I don’t like The Drop in S1E5. Book-Lestat wouldn’t do it. I don’t like that it means we won’t see the book-plot of the Armand-Lestat drop, I don’t like how it alters a lot of subsequent feelings, motivations & meanings that impact on the rest of the series (for example there was a big knock-on impact for me in the trial - both in its feeling & in many practical differences of events & meaning.) But it’s that it grates against Lestat’s characterisation for him to do that to Louis that troubles me most.

But I accept tv-Lestat did it. There is no part of me that thinks it didn’t happen in TV world & no part of me that excuses it in any way either. The revisit to the scene beforehand: I liked it, because adding the missing scenes added glorious gothicness… and Lestat got to apologise… but there’s literally nothing Louis could say or do that would make the drop existing ok for me, so that’s that!

It’s particularly hard to properly express why Louis smashing Lestat’s head on a coffin then saying he’ll chop his head off & feed it to the lions is yummy, transgressive violence & gothic glory, yet The Drop is so wrong I cannot abide it. I think I can best explain by saying that none of this is good or bad in terms of relating it to reality, and so it’s the feelings & meaning on the next, underlying level that matters. Which is a very fine, yet incredibly important (as I feel it!) line.

6 - Best thing for you about the TV show

The characterisations.

I’m a sucker for a deep dive into character. I adore all of the characters on the show (including small roles I don’t mention here.)

I adore Lestat as there’s my Lestat on screen! The second he watched Louis with his blade to Paul’s throat - instantly I saw & felt that that was Lestat! Lestat was THERE! Resonant!

I adore Louis, as he is absolute glow-up-Louis & I love that I can feel from him the way all the vampires describe they feel for book-Louis, but I never really understood from book-Louis! But now, oh how I feel it too!

I am astounded that Assad has somehow elevated my love for Armand, who was already my second favourite book character beyond even how I love book-Armand. S2 was your season. Armand was everything.

I love how smaller characters such as Santiago & Madeleine have been elevated too & then Claudia… I do need to caveat that Claudia cannot have the impact of an immortal 5-year-old vampire! However, this Claudia works & the changes add interesting, poignant & tragic elements to her story. I adore tv Claudia & I hope she haunts every season of the show.

Such incredibly strong characterisation also helps to access the spirit of Anne’s books & I love when I feel the essence of her writing in the show! Which doesn’t mean a strictly close adaptation necessarily. For example, I feel the spirit of Anne’s work incredibly strongly in S2E5 even though that’s in large part written solely for TV.

13 - Feelings about TV show versus books

I think I sort of answered this above. Generally speaking, I’ve loved the TV adaptation so far though! It’s such a joy to be able to see books that were so close to your heart & that you read at such a formative age they’re ingrained in your heart & soul & in how you see & feel & experience & think about the world adapted with such love & care & attention to detail & to the spirit of the books. And the exquisite poetry of the writing - Anne’s words directly on screen at such poignant moments & the writers’ own beautiful poetic language also.

Hope that’s ok! I’ll end there as my phone keeps randomly deleting paragraphs & I’m worried about losing the whole post! 🥶💀

And on this note, please feel free to just pick whatever question(s) interest you to answer, everyone! 🥰🥰🥰 I’m so curious to read your thoughts!

[autumnslance]

Hi Autumn/Lyn! First things first, as someone who's embarrassingly into WoLcred stuff, I wanted to say that I love your writing and I'm a huge fan! Thanks for sharing your work with us!

I really relate to your WoL Aeryn (I too am Thavnairian irl Indian, in love with Thancred, love reading, main RDM, etc etc), which is super funny to me because I don't identify at all with my own WoL, who was originally meant as a self-insert, even (I didn't know what an "OC" was so I just made myself but in-game?), but then had her own ideas and went and became her own person (example: she has dyslexia and hates reading). No clue how this happened, and I still love my daughter OC dearly, but… you see why I also love your Aeryn. Lol.

I wanted to ask, did Aeryn inherit her grey eyes from her father? Or does the Thavnairian side of her family have a tendency towards grey eyes too? Does she have any relatives other than Zaine who have grey eyes?

I'm not sure why, but I got fixated on this one little thing because I've always loved grey eyes (especially described in literature) and the idea of a South Asian fantasy-equivalent with grey eyes fascinates me. Anyway, apologies in advance if this is too weird and/or offensive! Also sorry about how long this ask got! Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great day!

Thank you so much, what a lovely ask to get! And funny how our WoL kids just do their own things, huh? Can't stop won't stop the WoL, not even their own writers. 😉

Aeryn did indeed get her eyes from her father (and it is mentioned most strongly, I think, in Bearing Sins of the Past), though there's probably some predisposition in her mother's side; her mom's eyes were very dark blue. I lean into the fantasy world's idea of "similar, inspired and influenced by, but not 100% the same" for the setting and characters, and am pleased Thavnair ended up labeled by the devs explicitly as a "melting pot" society (which makes sense for such a centrally located trade hub). Since I had Aeryn raised in Thavnair, with her reasons to return to Eorzea as an adult, but this was back in late Heavensward/early Stormblood before we had it in game, I had her mother's people be a more "recent" immigrant group (within the last couple hundred years) so they have mostly assimilated into Thavnairian culture, while maintaining some of their own traditions to give myself leeway, not knowing how the devs would go into the South Asian influences when we eventually got there.

Also I am very white, and know there's nuance I'd be missing, so while I wanted it to be a part of her character, and be respectful, I'm not trying to write about an Indian experience I have no inherent connection to, but a character whose upbringing includes similar influences to shape her. It's a weird and fine line when writing characters different from oneself.

There's also the meta where I based Aeryn's appearance roughly on the unused CGI Midlander woman model, though Aeryn's darker skinned (I'm still not sure if I want to adjust her facial features post-graphics upgrade or not, I might need to play around a bit). I wanted her to do some dragoon stuff for HW, but not just cuz "she's the WoL" so that got some of the backstory in there, which also worked with "she left as a kid and is now returning as an adult." And the idea that 1.0 WoL, based on Meteor (with some color shifts again), was her lost brother and it gave her a weird tie to Ardbert (before Shadowbringers even came out!).

Even the skintones for my FF14 characters are meta, as having played in earlier versions of World of Warcraft where the natural skin color options for humans/dwarves/gnomes/blood elves were "different shades of white", and my priest glowed like a lightbulb under Ashenvale's bloom lighting, seeing the sheer variety of the palettes in FF14 back in HW was a delight, and so Dark Autumn ended up brown cuz it wasn't an option at all in the other game (at that time). Even C'oretta's in the middle of the options for Seekers as my lightest OC...and Iyna being darkest Rava was playing in the Benchmark while annoyed at the examples shown by the devs at that FanFest.

What a character looks like, either in a visual video game or in a piece of writing, often comes early on to me, and in Aeryn's case, there was an appearance I wanted to adjust and build off of, and then went "OK, so what's the reasons for not only her looks, but also X and Y things I want to do with her story, and how would that work and shape her, and let's use the devs' trick of being a little vague here and there for now until the lore updates, and...."

I do fret sometimes, about how my characters look and how I portray them, especially with Thavnair having such a strong inspiring influence. But I mostly follow the game lore, fill in some gaps with light research, make up a few of my own things and remain consistent with them, and try to be true to the character and story I've written, and let the rest sort itself out. I can't and won't please everyone, but I'm always glad to hear from those who love my girls and their stories.

[absolutehomosexuals]

Yeah these people do make the fandom experience really boring and downright hostile at times. The fandom is mostly one big echo chamber at the moment. Only certain interpretations and headcanons are allowed and whenever a more unpopular opinion gets traction, no matter how politely it was delivered, people will be downright mean and intolerant, as if they were personally attacked. And if you're mean to them in return they will always play the victim lmao…It's just a game, it's not that deep, they say, yet somehow, they can't play the same game anymore if everyone else doesn't fully interpret or praise it all the time like they do!

I think it's partly because they project themselves onto the characters (and Astarion fans are truly the best example of this, sadly) to such an unhealthy degree that any disagreement is taken as harassment or as a personal attack on themselves as an irl person.

Also, good point about the voice actors. I just hate how creepy some fans have been acting towards them (Astarion fans come to my mind yet again…) and how we must take everything they say as canon, despite the game itself still allowing for different interpretations. Not to mention that these people (the VAs) will always defend the writing of their characters no matter how inconsistent it can be (and sometimes it's not only inconsistent but downright bad and even distasteful) since well, they were paid for it and it would be unprofessional for them to go around criticizing it and saying things that may alienate parts of their fanbase. "But they voiced the characters, how can you pretend to know better than them???" yeah well IDGAF. If something is not the text itself, in the dialogues, it literally doesn't matter. Perhaps direct your complaints at the writers, who should've done a better job? Oh but wait, we can't complain about their writing either since it's not allowed, apparently.

This ask is truly one of the best things I've read regarding this fandom, it's so refreshing to see that normal functional people exist on BG3 Tumblr too.

I've witnessed many fandoms who were incredibly embarrassing to be in, but the state of this one is just... concerning at this point.

The hive mind is the most embarrassing thing about it, you've described how it works perfectly. And I couldn't agree more about your opinion on the voice actors: they all did such great jobs, but the fandom elevated them to the status of creators, when at best they're executioners of the writers' intentions. The way the fandom picks what VA's opinions are canon and what aren't is funny too: Astarion's VA calls the character he plays pansexual and this is evidence of Astarion being pan, but what about Karlach's VA stating that Karlach's lines were acted with a female Tav in mind? I've never seen anyone depicting Karlach being in a relationship with Wyll or Astarion or Dammon being harrassed because "Karlach's VA said she's a lesbian, therefore it's canon!"

Lastly, about BG3 being imperfect and sometimes even bad: we mods love this game so much, there's so many things that are amazing about it, but this doesn't mean that it's perfect. We can feel genuine passion for a piece of media and still recognise its flaws. And BG3, because of its vow to make the player "as free as possible", has many many inconsistencies, and can sometimes be disrespectful to its characters too, since some of the choices you're allowed to make in the game are simply vicious. You can outright rape Astarion by forcing him to be intimate with you when he shows his repulsion about sex. Is every choice valid simply because you're allowed to make it? Is saying that some options are distasteful, that some writing choices are ridiculous or unsettling, not allowed?

-mod Shadowzel

[daylander1000]

I swear this fandom is becoming more and more insufferable every day which is scary not to mention it's at least one more year of wait until season 2. I don't want even to imagine what it's going to be like when it actually airs. I've been in other fandoms, including the GoT one, but this level of toxicity, aggression, tribalism and hypocrisy is unreachable. What is with this show that encourages such behaviour? I really don't understand. I used to be team green (I still am kind of) during the show, especially the second half and after the show ended because I hated the way many black stans were acting towards anyone who didn't share their opinions and the way they talked about green characters (and even the actors) in general. Also, the framing of the show with it's good vs bad guys concept was annoying af so it wasn't hard to choose TG, at least to me. However, now I'm not even sure I care enough. It's so difficult to discuss anything show related normally and nust because all this toxicity soured the whole hotd experience to me now I'm more than anything team anti hotd fandom. That's why your fic is literally the last hotd related thing I'm looking forward to so atm so thank you for actually giving something good to this wretched fandom 😩. Seriously, Aemond and Rhaena should follow my example and just be done with everyone and everything lol. Anyway, I'm (not so😁) patiently waiting for the next update. I don't know anymore if I'll watch season 2, but I'll definitely read swhhw.

I get you. At large, it's not a fun fandom to be in. I remember when there was a petition to stop Matt Smith from being Dr Who on the grounds of him being too ugly, so in a sense it's a little amusing to see how he's inspired this whole "Choke me daddy" rabid fanbase... But other than that, it's really not much fun. People take everything as fighting words. They're attacking real people to defend fictional characters written by a man who hasn't even finished his series as yet after a decade long hiatus...

I don't even get the joy of reading other fics really, because I try to reduce the odds on me 'stealing' someone else's fic idea. Like, I know fair is fair and it's all fanworks, but I'll literally read something, go to sleep, incept myself, and wake up like "you know what would be really cool???" and it's only when I'm reading it all over that I'll realize that I've split off on a whole different unrelated tangent and have to course correct. I'm trying to write better and faster and cut down on how distracted I get. For example, writing while commuting feels productive but it really isn't, not how I do it. I get so distracted... I'll be editing and realize, "No, you can't write that. That's a line from a Hozier song."

HotD doesn't deserve the time or the energy. Like, I look at the word count of swhhw and question all my life decisions. But the rhaemond fandom is so nice and so small, you can't help it. It's like an oasis in a radioactive wasteland.

I'm also kinda doing it for Team Dyslexia and Team Dysgraphia in a sort of "We can do it!" way?

I really want to finish this before S2 starts.

[bloody-wonder]

I found this interesting books ask :

https://www.tumblr.com/dnana-2809-blog/749706502296813568/bookish-asks?source=share

Do you mind if I ask, no. 13, 14, 15, 18, and 50? Thanks...😁

thank you! i love talking about books :)

13. name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaption.

i just finished another book by celeste ng so the one that springs to mind right away is little fires everywhere. imo ng's biggest strength is that she writes about identity politics in a very accessible but nuanced way and the show adaptation just took all that nuance and threw it out of the window. my personal little nitpick is that they turned the mc who is aroace-coded in the book into a bisexual. yes, one could argue that her ruminating on how she can't help her daughter deal with romantic heartbreak bc she has never been in love herself is just a throwaway line but it's one of those lines that completely reframes the character and makes everything we learned about her make more sense in hindsight - that is, if you're open to seeing someone as aroace. if not, as a reader, you will assume she has probably had relationships which she just never mentions bc they're not relevant to the story (see: dumbledore rollerblading in every scene). as a showrunner, you will fill in those alleged gaps in her romantic and sexual life with bisexual drama which will give you more content for the show's runtime, if nothing else. so that is an interesting example of aroace erasure - it's not intentional but the fact that a person's deliberate lack of love life is something they, consciously or not, decided just not to represent speaks to a larger problem with aroace rep. if you straightwash a queercoded character people will likely notice. if you allo-wash an aroace-coded character no one will even blink.

14. name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original.

i can't think of one that is better than the original off the top of my head but there are some adaptations i'm attached to much more than i like their source materials. the lord of the rings movies, for example. a re-read of the series i did a few years ago proved to be a slog but the movies will forever remain a special quality time i can share with my dad. the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is another example. i know for a fact that the fans of the book don't like the adaptation but i'm biased bc it's one of my comfort movies and i don't get why the book is supposed to be better, despite having read it two times🤷‍♀️

15. what book changed your life?

all for the game changed my life bc by reading it and becoming part of the fandom i have discovered the aroace spectrum and realized i'm on it (on the far end of it, in fact lol). i'm pretty certain the same couldn't have happened via just learning about asexuality from some educational materials bc neil's headspace and the subsequent frustration with how he got twisted in fanon were essential for my aroace awakening🖤🩶🤍💜💚

18. which character from a book is the most like you?

lol idk. i think if i encountered a character who is a lot like me it would make me so uncomfortable i'd erase this from my memory immediately. so instead of an answer please kindly accept this meme i made for my friends and draw your own conclusions😅

50. why do you love to read?

i read for escapism. that's why entertainment and immersion are the main two factors that make or break a book for me. granted, i have weird tastes and often find entertaining the things other readers find boring and vice versa. and i like when fiction is so immersive i can feel my soul leave my body and get transported to a different world, a different life. bc of this one might think i yearn for adventure but that's not true - i love my boring life and i love the illusion of control one has as a reader compared to the lack of control one often experiences irl: if the adventure is not to my liking i can simply close the book.

bookish asks

[lakesbian]

ok but no for real why did "lake is canonically trans” become an entrenched belief in the fandom. it’s based on literally nothing but “uhh, she Looks Nonbinary/Experiences Oppression And Erasure” (quick, why do you think presentation equals gender? quick, did you forget that gnc people exist?), misremembering and misquotations of old/deleted tweets, and self-reinforcing momentum from fanon. 

like, deep train lore tedtalk from someone who has Been Here Forever:  shortly after the season was released, owen answered a question on twitter about whether or not she was intended to be read as trans, and his response was along the lines of "no trans narrative was intended but i'm glad when people can connect with a narrative/i support death of the author so you can interpret it how you want." unfortunately for train lore enjoyers, the tweet was eventually deleted alongside most others post he made that mentioned anything LGBT, likely due to how much the topic blew in the crew's face once the fandom started getting really insistent on/angry about the subject. it was never archived, which i'm guessing is because it was posted earlier in the fandom's history and also because "this character was written as cis" isn't exactly something people would consider exciting news worth saving.

so how do you know i’m not bullshitting you about that tweet having existed? you can still find references to the tweet online if you look at posts from around that time! for example, here’s a reddit comment from 2021:

and here’s a post i made in 2020 referencing it right around the time the “lake is canon trans” misconception started:

 (good god. avert your eyes from me when i was little! the things i post online for the sake of inftr meta. really wish i could time travel to tell myself in 2020 to just screenshot the AMA response, because holy Fuck it would make explaining this easier.)

anyway, all that's to say: lake is canonically written as cis, and her narrative was intended as a more general metaphor for oppression. all different types of marginalized people can relate to her because of what a well-written metaphor it is, but the metaphor is about the concept of oppression and not intended to represent any one specific oppressed group. another thing that's important to remember is that this means that lake is canonically a gender non-conforming girl, which is a chronically erased and underrepresented demographic. so she is still a specific marginalized identity, and that's something that's worth appreciating!

as for the topic of various LGBT headcanons for lake? i’m gonna quote @snazzyscarf​ here: “being a versatile metaphor for systemic oppression is not a bad thing. representing broad demographics is not a bad thing! getting angry when people identify that broadness to their experiences and not yours is, though”

so have fun with the death-of-the-author season interpretations that the crew supports. headcanon what you want about lake’s identity. but don’t give the writers unearned credit for supposedly writing a trans character when they didn’t, and don’t be a dick to people who enjoy lake’s canon identity (masc girl) or don’t interpret her the same way you do.

(final footnote: this is a tangentially related subject so i am once again boosting snazzyscarf’s post about other fandom bullshittery wrt lake and gender if you wanna read more meta https://www.tumblr.com/snazzyscarf/657618091033886720/stop-saying-that-everyone-has-to-use-theythem)