#i mean technically only humans were specified

[timetogetfeisty]

how funny would it have been if mad rat dead had happened in 2026 and just as soon as mad rat becomes comfortable with dying- oh what’s that? creatures have stopped dying and getting ill? that’s crazy

[jesncin]

The Potential of Asian Lois Lane: An extra addition

A bonus addition to my Asian Lois essay. I know Lois Chaudhari isn't technically a Lois since the premise of the comic she's from is where the Superman mythos is fictional and the characters in it happen to be named Clark/Lois etc. But since she's a Lois stand in and romantic partner to the Clark Kent of that story, I figured she deserves an honorable mention at least.

Here's where I position her in my Spectrum of Asian Lois Lane chart. And I'd like to talk about her!

Compared to American Alien, this Lois is actually specific and textually Indian in Superman: Secret Identity. Unlike American Alien Lois (that never specified what kind of Asian Lois was), she can't be replaced as a white woman because the text acknowledges her Indian identity (her name, lines of dialogue like this, etc.) hence she's not interchangeable with whiteness. So this take has that going for it.

Where Lois Chaudhari still falls behind Girl Taking Over (and what it shares in common with American Alien) is yet again a sense of missed opportunities narratively.

In Superman: Secret Identity, a man named Clark Kent from Picketsville suddenly has Superman's powers. After years of being made fun of for his namesake, he suddenly is what everyone has been making fun of him for- and as he lives through life he slowly understands why fictional!Superman is the way he is. It's a great story but where it misses the mark for me is its failure to recognize Superman as an immigrant. Secret Identity's Clark isn't an alien immigrant, or a human immigrant, and is instead ostracized because of his name. Government baddies want to do experiments on him so he has to hide from them too. But then he meets city girl Lois Chaudhari, and they connect because people keep teasing them for their names and Lois knows what it's like to keep secrets because she,,, committed a crime as a teen once.

"I guess we're both dangerous felons, then. Public menaces."

Being hunted by the government and being experimented on isn't really the same as being caught shoplifting.

It works well enough as a connection but to me is a huge missed opportunity to have an Indian American relate to your Superman stand-in as an immigrant. To connect on a deeper level other than "people make fun of us for sharing names with fictional characters". Later in the story, Clark and Lois have twin daughters who are visibly Indian. They too, have Superman's powers. While we're treated extensively to the narrative showing us why Clark would hide his powers from the government wishing to seek harm on him, we never get to see what Clark's daughters have to deal with on top of being visibly non-white.

Superman as an alien immigrant is an anecdote in this story. Because after all, that's not what a white American man from Picketsville would find relatable about him, is it? I have the same thing to say about Secret Identity that I did with American Alien: "Clark isn’t the only American Alien in American Alien, if you catch my drift."

I think this story is the perfect encapsulation of the limits of a white writer. One of my hottest takes on Superman is that the best and most holistic take on his character doesn't exist in the white imagination. Take a look once more at the Spectrum of Asian Lois Lanes chart that I made. All save for Girl Taking Over were headed by white men (MAWS may have Asian directors and writers on their team but ultimately its pitch and main ideas are the brain child of Jake Wyatt, a white man).

People have taken issue with me saying this and assume that I mean white people can't write a good Superman story, and no. That's not what I'm saying. I like Superman: Secret Identity. I even like American Alien. But it's been 80 years of predominantly white writers of all backgrounds getting the chance to write Superman- and already multiple attempts at an Asian Lois- and yet it took until Gene Yang (and artists Gurihiru) with Smashes the Klan and Sarah Kuhn (and artist Arielle Jovellanos) with Girl Taking Over that I felt Superman's themes as an immigrant finally took center stage and weren't just a mention or anecdote.

In no way do I want to imply that getting writers of color or Asian writers specifically will mean you'll be guaranteed a great Superman story. I'm against promoting the idea that diverse talent is infallible or tokenizing and essentializing them in such a way. What I am saying is that the best and most holistic story on Superman as an alien immigrant isn't even a goal in the white imagination. Immigrant Superman doesn't live in that mind. He doesn't pay rent there. He doesn't stop by to visit. And no, Superman creators Shuster and Siegel wouldn't have written that story either. Superman may have been the "Champion of the Oppressed" from another planet under their pen, but he would never have related to or have had immigrant solidarity with America's perpetual foreigners the way Smashes the Klan portrayed him as having. Superman's creators were too busy writing Slam Bradley to be able to write that kind of Superman.

The appeal of these cape characters for me, is the process of adaptation. Seeing them be handed off to someone else with different life experience. Seeing them bring a whole new perspective that surpasses even the creator's intentions on their character. That's what makes these characters rich and worthy of constant revisits. I just think that people of different backgrounds should be able to get as many chances as white men have with writing Superman and his cast of characters.

[evilbihan]

Kuai Liang is not "nice"

This is technically the second part of my character analysis for Kuai Liang, so be sure to check out the first part focusing on Kuai Liang's personality, goals and his relationship with his brothers and Harumi.

This part will focus on how Kuai Liang treats other characters and upon closer inspection, the image of the "sweet wholesome guy everyone adores" that the fandom crafted for him starts to crumble very quickly.

Kitana and Mileena:

Mileena: My bond with Kitana can't be broken. Scorpion: I'd once thought the same of mine with Bi-Han.

Why exactly is Kuai Liang trying to make Mileena doubt Kitana's loyalty to her? We have all seen Kitana's tower ending. She has gone out of her way to secure her sister's reign, she defends Mileena fiercely and is genuinely worried about her. It upsets her to see other members of the court conspiring against her sister. Kitana is nothing but loyal to Mileena, in a way Kuai Liang was never loyal to Bi-Han.

"I'm disappointed in my brother's decisions and therefore everyone else's siblings suck too." That's not a healthy or mature mindset. He's projecting his own family issues onto Mileena and Kitana, who actually share a wholesome bond, and tries to create distrust and dispute where there is none. And why? Out of jealousy? It's hard to tell, but this was uncalled for.

It's particularly awful because Kitana is actually trying to help fix Kuai Liang's relationship with his own brother while it seems Kuai Liang is trying to ruin hers with Mileena.

Kitana: You've broken Kuai Liang's heart. Sub-Zero: It won't be the only part of him I damage.

Kitana: I understand congratulations are in order. Scorpion: How did news of my marriage reach Outworld?

Kitana: Weapons. Soldiers. Whatever you -- Scorpion: I have all that I need to defeat Bi-Han.

She's also offering him her and Outworld's support and is really just being nice to him, yet he never once shows gratitude and even tries to plant doubts about her in her sister's mind behind her back.

Nitara:

Scorpion: If you would only feed on lower species -- Nitara: Humans are a lower species.

"Lower species"? What species exactly is Kuai Liang talking about here? What's his definition of a lower species? Tarkatans? Netherrealmers? One could assume he means animals, but then why doesn't he say so? Instead, he's using a term that's often used in f*cist language. Who or what he's referring to isn't specified either, but it's definitely a questionable choice of words regardless.

Let's be honest, the mindset that there's "lower species" that are not deserving of life, as Kuai Liang basically implies by claiming Nitara should feed on them instead, says quite a lot about the kind of person he is. No matter what he's speaking of here, I still think this is pretty fucked up from any standpoint, especially because Kuai Liang doesn't explicitly say that he's talking about animals.

This is just my opinion, but even if he were to "only" be talking about animals here, I think it's downright wrong to say any animals are a "lower species", given the fact that we very much depend on certain animals for our own survival. Even if we give Kuai Liang the benefit of the doubt, he still sounds incredibly uneducated and ignorant. To not value the life of other creatures is not a good look on him, but then again we've seen how much he values his own brother's life so the bar is quite literally in hell.

Raiden:

Scorpion: Liu Kang's revelation has shaken my faith in him. Raiden: Understandable, given what he chose to hide.

Reptile: Am I right to put faith in Liu Kang? Scorpion: He's always proven worthy of mine.

Oh, has he now?

Kuai Liang is beginning to sound two-faced. He's certainly not conflicted because he still continues to follow Liu Kang and advices others to do the same. He also doesn't openly criticize or doubt Liu Kang like Tomáš and Bi-Han do. But he himself has lost some of his faith in Liu Kang, yet he judges Bi-Han for having done the same thing? Where does any of that make sense?

Bi-Han:

Scorpion: You would shed your brother's blood? Sub-Zero: Because you choose to stand in my way.

The first blood shed was Bi-Han's, not Kuai Liang's, but because Bi-Han doesn't bear a visible scar, no one acknowledges that.

Kuai Liang is once again showing manipulative behavior here. Blaming everything on his brother and pretending he did nothing wrong. Guilt tripping Bi-Han for something he himself has done.

Kuai Liang's actions are not even the biggest problem here. You can somehow justify what he did with him being hurt/angry when he found out about the true circumstances of his father's death. It's the fact that he refuses to take any responsibility for what he did and acts completely innocent although he's anything but, that shows he's not who the fandom makes him out to be.

Even Bi-Han stands by what he does. Kuai Liang can't even own up to his actions.

Liu Kang:

Liu Kang: You allow vengeance to consume you. Scorpion: I should not punish Bi-Han for his crimes?

So, Liu Kang seems concerned with Kuai Liang's thirst for vengeance. What's even more noteworthy is that we have Kuai Liang, a mortal, speak to Liu Kang, a literal god, about punishing someone else as if he's entitled to do so? Should it not be up to Liu Kang to decide whether Bi-Han deserves forgiveness or punishment? Do we need to add a god complex to the list of Kuai Liang's flaws?

There's nothing honorable about vengeance. It's honorable to be the bigger person and to forgive.

As Chinese philosopher Confucius said:

“Love thy neighbour as thyself: Do not do to others what thou wouldst not wish be done to thyself: Forgive injuries. Forgive thy enemy, be reconciled to him, give him assistance, invoke God in his behalf.”

Kuai Liang has none of that honor he claims to value.

Tanya:

Tanya: Liu Kang says we can trust you. Kuai Liang: As long as Outworld's goals don't conflict with Earthrealm's.

Let me translate it: "No, you can't. I'll stop being a reliable ally and might betray you as soon as our interests no longer align." Which is fair enough, he doesn't owe Outworld his loyalty. It's, however, funny that that's exactly what Bi-Han did with Liu Kang/Earthrealm too, but for some reason Kuai Liang is still delusional enough to think he's a more honorable man than his brother?

Kung Lao:

Kung Lao: I bet I could be Shirai Ryu. Scorpion: First, you must learn humility.

Also Scorpion:

Ashrah: I'd do well to follow your example. Scorpion: Then start by studying my kombat.

Quan Chi: Your brother told me of all your weaknesses. Scorpion: A short conversation, sorcerer?

Kuai Liang is a hypocrite who doesn't practice what he preaches. These are just two of many dialogues in which he comes off as overly confident and boastful. He will try to force his own values and ideals onto others but will not uphold them himself. These dialogues are not even the only example of his hypocrisy, but more of that to come later.

Smoke and the Shaolin monks:

Scorpion: Was it worth it, training with the Shaolin? Smoke: Let me show you what I learned.

Yet another example for Kuai Liang's arrogance. "Was it worth it?" What's that even supposed to mean? Admittedly, this might not sound as bad compared to everything else he's said but I invite you to go and listen to this specific intro and pay attention to the tone of his voice. To me, it very much sounds like, as a former Lin Kuei, he thinks there's nothing the monks can teach him and Tomáš anymore and therefore he sees training with them as a waste of time. Overall, Kuai Liang seems to hold little respect for his allies. He might not outright say it, but there's definitely a superiority complex there.

Johnny:

Scorpion: Your mansion was unduly extravagant. Johnny Cage: It came with the megastardom. Package deal.

What gives Kuai Liang the right to judge Johnny for what he does with his money that he's earned from his movies? Judging people and acting like he has the moral high ground over them in any situation is something Kuai Liang does a lot. That alone might not automatically make him a bad person, but it's tasteless and impolite nonetheless.

Johnny Cage: With your skills you'd be a hit, Kuai Liang. Scorpion: Do I look like an entertainer?

Again, if you listen to the actual intro, the distaste in his voice is obvious. He seems to not have much respect for Johnny's profession or for most of his allies' professions, really. Remember his reaction to Tomáš training with the Shaolin monks?

Rain:

Scorpion: Like a dog, you bit the hand that fed you. Rain: You've no right to judge me, Earthrealmer.

He doesn't -- because did Kuai Liang not do the same to Bi-Han? It doesn't matter that Bi-Han chose the wrong side, Kuai Liang's oath was to his grandmaster, not to Earthrealm. Bi-Han broke his oath to Earthrealm and by breaking his own oath to his brother, Kuai Liang is no better. And as I already explained in the first part of my analysis, Kuai Liang always meant to overthrow Bi-Han, even before Bi-Han abandoned his duties to defend Earthrealm. Bi-Han gave in to corruption and became a traitor, Kuai Liang was always a traitor in disguise. Kuai Liang is yet again being a hypocrite in this situation and displays double standards.

Kenshi:

Scorpion: Do not let Sento become a crutch. Kenshi: I could win this fight with or without it.

Does anyone else think this comment sounds a lot like ableism? Who is he to tell a disabled man how to handle his disability? Kenshi is a badass, he's proven that countless of times and he doesn't need Kuai Liang's advice, but Kuai Liang has a habit of acting like he knows better than others.

Bi-Han (again):

Shang Tsung: It was all too simple, pulling your brother's strings. Kuai Liang: It sickens me that he was so easily exploited.

Bi-Han fell victim to Shang Tsung's manipulation, yet here Kuai Liang is, blaming the victim. Meanwhile, Tomáš:

Smoke: I rue the day I ever met you. Quan Chi: No sense dwelling on the past, Tomáš.

Tomáš regrets ever meeting the sorcerers because he rightfully blames the people responsible for this whole mess, Shang Tsung and Quan Chi, not Bi-Han. Kuai Liang is miles away from the same level of emotional maturity Tomáš has.

Scorpion: "Bi-Han's trail has led me to Sun Do." Li Mei: "I'll abide no vigilante justice, Kuai Liang."

Scorpion: If you know where he is, tell me. General Shao: As if I would spill your brother's secrets.

Scorpion: I need help to find Bi-Han. Johnny Cage: Y'know I was only a TV detective, right?

Kuai Liang is making his own family feud everyone else's problem.

SPOILERS: At the same time, when Bi-Han will crash Kuai Liang's wedding in the dlc according to leaks, Kuai Liang will "apologize" to those who attended that they got dragged into his war with Bi-Han, once again painting his brother as the villain. Could he be any more duplicitous? I think the main reason why Smoke is not mentioned in any leaks is because the writers might deliberately not want him to be there because the way Kuai Liang acts (wanting to kill Frost, leaving Bi-Han to suffer and die) would go against everything Tomáš believes in and they can't have someone make Scorpion look bad, so they decided to just have Tomáš not be there at all. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will.

Kuai Liang:

Scorpion: I won't be consumed by vengeance. Scorpion: How can your father's death not burn you.

You know it's bad when your own alternate self starts judging you and criticizing your ways.

Geras:

Scorpion: I want to see the moment my father died. Geras: You are not ready to receive that knowledge.

I wonder why Geras denied Kuai Liang's request. Is he concerned that actually witnessing the event will make Kuai Liang lose his mind completely and he will make even more of an effort to kill Bi-Han? He surely seems to think Kuai Liang is too unstable to receive that information. But then again, Kuai Liang already wants to kill Bi-Han, he already tried to do it and he already knows what happened. When will he be ready in Geras' opinion? Once he already forgave Bi-Han (which seems like it won't happen at all)? Would that not just reignite his old hatred? Could it be that there's more to the death of Kuai Liang's father than we know? Is there something Geras is trying to hide from Kuai Liang on purpose?

Ashrah:

Ashrah: Bi-Han can be redeemed. Scorpion: I don't see how that's possible.

It sounds a lot like Kuai Liang doesn't want it to be possible. He wants to deny his brother a chance at redemption. He's also once again acting like he knows better than everyone else. It's getting to the point where he seems self-righteous and out of touch with reality.

So, tell me again, after all that, why are we calling Kuai Liang a nice guy?

To conclude this, Kuai Liang only appears "nice" in direct comparison to Bi-Han, not necessarily because he's a better person, he's just the more agreeable one of the two. Take Bi-Han out of the picture and it's plain to see Kuai Liang is really not that nice. I also don't see how Kuai Liang is the poor, traumatized victim that never did anything wrong in his life, as fans like to describe him as. Yes, he suffered as well, but victims can also become aggressors. There are plenty of situations in which that's the case for Kuai Liang. Again, this is not hate or an attempt to completely demonize him, just to show that the fandom has a wrong idea of who Kuai Liang is and what he's like.

[lime-bucket]

Different person, but the anon Lilith it's right: Lilith was a monster.

And in the different versions of all this, there is one where they are not... dense, that they could also have followed.

When Cain and Abel happened, Adam and Eve were separated for 120 years. During those 120 years, consensually, Adam and Lilith were together.

The problem, in general, of Vivzie is that she does not specify what part of Christianity she wants to criticize (for obvious reasons, for lack of balls even, she will not tell Judaism nor Islam a single criticism, that is why we cannot even say that she criticizes the Abrhamic religions) and not knowing what she is criticizing, what is left is nothing.

For example, if she really wants to criticize Christianity, Lilith would not exist. Because she is not in the canon, she is Mesopotamian.

She only becomes "Adam's wife" when a satirical book is written in medieval times. And, in Zoharism, it is when Naamah, Adam's third wife, appears.

And in the Kabbalah, the fourth and fifth wives of Adam appear: Agrat bat Mahlat and Eisheth Zenunim.

Something that people always repeat, is not to look further, and this is a problem already in general with some texts or generational.

For example, one of my college papers was about how the new versions of Medusa were only based on a specific event of something that is not even canonical.

The original Medusa, she appears in Hesiod's Theogony, and there we are only told whose daughter and sister she was, that she slept with Poseidon and that Perseus cut off her head. It never even goes into who Perseus is.

Then comes Pseudo-Apolodorus, he writes that Medusa was the only human, he puts lore to Perseus, but, the change he makes is that after Poseidon lost against Athena for Athens, he goes and seduces Medusa, and she accepts. That is why Athena punishes her.

However, the most popular version is Ovid's version, the rape. It's funny that it's the most popular one, since Ovid wrote The Metamorphoses while in exile and wanting to throw shit at the Roman gods. The guy succeeded.

The new versions even punish not Poseidon, but Perseus, since they ignored the fact that Perseus is also coerced to cut off his head. Technically they are two victims facing each other. The new versions want to put Athena as someone who "protects" Medusa and that Perseus is the bad guy.

And so the thing is deformed: another example is the Odyssey.

Odysseus' journey is only divided into 2 books: The Odyssey and the Telemachia. People were making their fanfic around those two books.

From there there is supposed to be a third book, of what children with Circe and Calypso and so on.

Also, another problem is the translations and interpretations of a single text.

Usually when studying texts, the question is not "Where does it say that?" but also "Which version are you getting?" or "Who is saying it?" because it changes the meaning.

And, in cases like the Bible, there is no original text, since we have the translation, of the translation, of the translation, of the translation, of the translation, of the translation, of the copy, of the copy and these in turn have the same process of translation and copying.

It is not for nothing that the first known bible was in Greek.

The world of texts is not simply to stay and read, to know about the author, or to interpret what he wants to say.

As Gadamer said in one of his books on hermeneutics: It is a game.

It is a game between the author, the context of the time, the text, and the context of the reader.

And while sometimes you don't need to go on this whole journey to create something new, you can dissect the parts you want to criticize.

I said it once before: The best critiques of the Christian religion, is not towards its faith or values but how people interpret them or use them to their convenience and selfishness.

Vivzie makes good concepts, not good stories. And it's not the same thing. Because good stories require trial and error, constructive and destructive criticism, what works and what doesn't, and knowing how to discern which is which.

So yes, the real problem with HH and HB (and Zoophobia) is that their creator is the male version of:

- Thomas Astruc

- Butch Hartman

But, above all, and unpicking ancient Internet history, Andrew Dobson better known as Tom Preston.

Sorry if I got sidetracked or if it was too long, I like to talk about these topics and sometimes I go off the deep end.

Thanks for reading.

THIS THIS THIS.

truly is frustrating all the characters u mentioned have complicated & long version & yet modern writers cant seem to weave them a new interpretaion that doesnt go beyond surface level

I knew it fron the start HH wont be worthy as a "criticism of religion" cuz it makes no clear attempt to distinguish what religion it want to portray.obvs its not set in a hebrew or islamic universe so surely its christian..?

Funny u mentioned how viv has good concept,esp in case of hazbin hotel cuz the show keeps screaming at u "REDEMPTION??POSSIBLE FR SINNERS??" "PPL CAN GO TO HEAVEN??WHEN THEY IN HELL?" As if that idea was never seen before meanwhile my muslim self was just like yeah ig.. :/

[nkgrimmie]

The different species of sticks

★ when I say classification, I am referring to whether or not a stick has powers. If they have powers, then they're powered. If not, they're unpowered.

first, a few things that apply to all sticks, no matter the species and classification (with exceptions)

They all come in different colors (of the visible spectrum), shapes, and sizes (the sizes near the two ends of the spectrums are very rare though. they're most often seen as myths or creatures in stories)

They all use code. Without code, their bodies would be little more than limp ragdoll husks, not even a mind to inhabit them. To interact with a stick's code is usually either medical or extremely intimate. It's basically their DNA. The code that enables personality is similar to complex AI, but can also hold in specific commands for the stick to follow.

They can pause their animations! (originally that was just a headcanon, but with the EP 34 AVG reaction, it was confirmed)

Their blood is very often neon versions of their main color, with the exception of black and white cause... y'know. Can't really make those neon. For black and white sticks, their blood is often one of their secondary colors then.

They (typically) have unguligrade legs! The proportions depend on the species though. The legs of websticks are typically more like "technically unguligrade but proportionally more similar to plantigrade", while the legs of usersticks and most ursticks follow more of a traditional "anthro unguligrade" shape.

They don't have primary sex characteristics, and gender is either assigned or chosen, or neither. Most sticks (other than some ursticks and all usersticks) can still reproduce fine though, as long as the parents have the same coding language. If parents of different coding languages try to conceive, it won't happen. It just won't.

chompers!! unless specified otherwise, they have sharp teeth :3.

and now, getting into the actual meat of the post.

Websticks

The most common type, these guys are just your average sticks. Well, not actually average, they can have powers and stuff. Websticks are just sticks that were born or created by other stick figures on the web. Most are born, though. The only real way you can tell if a stick is a webstick or not is if their code shows a creator or not. If there's no creator mentioned or if the creator listed is another stick, then they're a webstick.

One of their most notable traits is their poor movement and color-based eyesight. If you blend in with the surroundings and you're completely still, there's a good chance a webstick just wouldn't see you.

Their hooves are defined and cloven, you can clearly tell that there is a line between skin/fuzz and hard... stuff. They're rarely powered, unless the parents/creator specifically planned for them to have powers. The reason behind that is because not only are some powers recessive, but also since most powered sticks are ursticks, a lot just aren't able to reproduce, ending in fewer powered websticks than to be expected. Powered websticks still very much so exist though! They're just often a lot weaker than powered ursticks.

Ursticks

The most diverse type, you never really know what to expect with these. The name is actually somewhat deceiving, as it applies to both the first sticks and also sticks drawn by humans. They share the name because the first sticks were also drawn by humans, and some sticks are... still drawn by humans to this day. The original ursticks have all died by now, but that doesn't mean that they didn't leave a mark. They're the reason websticks exist, after all. The pioneer species.

Modern ursticks (the only ones I'll be talking about) are characterized by their better than average vision, their dull and undefined hooves, their quiet footfalls, and... their code saying they were made by a human? (Wow really?) They're just so diverse that there's not really much of a way to tell. Plus, so many of them don't even have powers, so they're functionally no different from websticks other than having been drawn instead of born or created.

They're naturally better at doing computer stuff than websticks are, since they live more often on a desktop or a screen than in the Outernet. Sometimes they're powered, sometimes they're not, it just depends on what their creator had in mind for them.

Usersticks

The most otherworldly type, these shouldn't even be able to exist at all. Basically what stick!Alan and stick!DJ are (if I even use stick!DJ, that is). They're often characterized by their height, their long and thin spade-tipped (more so cursor-tipped) tails, their better than average eyesight (they have the same eyesight they did when they were human), and their code also for some reason saying that they were made by a human. They can have markings (typically black or white but can be different colors), but it's kind of rare. Surprisingly, they do have code that seems intelligible, but there's an odd amount of code that makes completely no sense. It doesn't get in the way of their bodies functioning somehow, it's just there. A remnant of what they once were, both metamorphic and evolutionary, perhaps?

They share the same hoof type as ursticks, but their legs are often longer due to their exaggerated height. They're also always powered, but they often don't know how to use them and sometimes don't even realize they have them.

A lot of sticks view them as gods far beyond taking a mortal form, others view them as abominations, horrific unions of god and stick possessed by the eldritch creature that fathered them, or just as really weird sticks. Some don't even think they actually exist.

They're an incredibly rare phenomenon, and only can form upon specific circumstances. Such as passing out on a VR headset while your computer just so happens to be inhabited by a stick that's kind of part of you. Oh boy.

--

also, here's a visual! Colors are random (don't mind the lack of arms haha)

*This is the most common appearance of websticks in Stickcity. They can look very different, the main thing that remains uniform in appearance is the legs.

**This is just one example of the appearance of an urstick, due to them being so diverse. Like the shown webstick, the main uniform body part are the legs.

just a few more things I'd like to mention;

there's two main languages, sticksign and stickspeech (im still working on the name for the second one). most sticks know both

Stick figure bodies are similar to virtual machines, allowing them to get viruses and the such without immediately infecting any devices they may be on.

Color gang and the hollowheads are all ursticks. (did i even need to say the hollowheads were?)

Purple, MT, Gold, Navy, and Orchid are all websticks.

Usersticks are vaguely cat-like, while websticks and ursticks are a mix between cat-like and goat-like.

Usersticks don't usually remember what happens between the transition from human to stick, but when they do remember, they don't like it.

--

okay that's all! thank you for reading ^^ i put a lot of work into this

[tethered-heartstrings]

I know that was a joke post but now I am genuinely curious what Hannibal would want (and be allowed) to have as his last meal.

let me start off by saying this started one place and took a huge turn (sorry) but... this got me thinking. my assumption is he was tried in maryland. maryland abolished the death penalty in 2013, but if he was tried under federal and not state, death penalty is still technically on the table in all 50 states.

unlike other states, maryland does not offer a special last meal to those about to be executed, and they are offered whatever is on the menu at the prison they are residing. i don't think that if he was charged federally it would have necessarily changed his food situation.

given that hannibal was held at bshci, he probably would have had whatever they were serving that day. we saw in s2 with will that it wasn't anything particularly exciting. canned/processed/boxed food. the more gourmet meals he got while imprisoned were definitely due to a special deal he had with alana. it's not directly specified in the show to my knowledge, but pretty sure he got special privileges for helping her and margot. but also if it means hearing him complain less, all the better.

that being said, there is a chance alana would break the maryland tradition and actually offer him a special meal. most requests deny alcohol or tobacco, but again, we're humoring a special meal.

now for the fun part. obviously hannibal wouldn't be given human meat. some inmates in other states asked not only for a meal but to share the meal with someone. and i think hannibal would definitely request to have a last meal with will since the last meal they had together (at least on screen) was the meal before mizumono.

and i think it would be well within the realm for hannibal to want to recreate this meal, maybe even going so far as to ask to make it himself. +/- if alana would allow for that, maybe if everything was precut and he wasn't near anything sharp. if he wanted will to share the meal with him, i'd be curious to see what will would do. he'd know hannibal was on death row, it'd be all over the news, jack would tell him, etc. and i think he would seek out the result of hannibal's trial if he was not sitting in the room as he was sentenced. knowing he indirectly put him there, and i'd place bets on him opening that hand written letter asking for his company one last time and he'd go to see hannibal and share that meal with him. to dine one last time together.

and i wonder how each of them would see it. will never answering if he wanted a sacrifice, yet one now sat across from him. how during the mizumono meal, will said "that'd make this our last supper" to which hannibal responds "of this life" which now truly is the last meal of this life, of hannibal's life. maybe for will, too, in a way. for how good could food taste or sate knowing your conjoined, blurred half is about to die, and that nagging guilt in your chest that it's your fault. and the question of if they could survive separation. and maybe the question was more up in the air when it was possibly hannibal who had to live without him, but now will is faced with the reality that he has to live without hannibal. and in some alternate life it would have been easier to stay with his wife and never see hannibal, but knowing he was alive was enough, and he'd no longer have that crutch.

but hannibal seeing it as almost a redo for before the slaughter in his kitchen. going back to a moment they had some peace, even if brief, life as he knew it was brief now. but still, someone he loved, the only person he loved, sitting across from him eating and drinking wine together. maybe in silence, i don't know. smiles would be exchanged; hannibal's genuinely happy and will's a bit sad. to be so fully and deeply and intimately seen. now there was no running away together anymore. will would leave and hannibal could only hope will would go to his execution.

and i think will would go. i don't know if it would be a "want" situation, but a "need". to see hannibal lecter taken down almost so effortlessly. the unkillable finally killed. the man he couldn't shoot the two times he had a gun in his face, the man he dropped his gun for and let himself be gutted and held by, the man he pulled a knife on and still couldn't take down. ultimately, in a way, will took him down. hannibal surrendered because will rejected him. will didn't need a weapon, he just needed words and a closed off heart. and within minutes, it'd be over.

but what happens after? the remains of inmates not claimed by family get kept in the prison cemetery. hannibal has no family to claim him, will is the closest to family he has. but what if will claims him, then what? will doesn't know what hannibal's final wishes are; to be cremated, buried? maybe he does know without hannibal having to explicitly say. to eat you like the sacrificial lamb you are.

my guess is a body executed via lethal injection (chosen method for maryland) would not be safe to eat. sodium thiopental is a barbituate like the one used for animal euthanasia, but it isn't the part of the "cocktail" that actually causes death. i know animals euthanized (with a different barbituate) and eaten can kill the animal that eats them, so there is a chance eating hannibal could do the same thing. consuming potassium chloride (the deadly part of the injection) in large quantities can cause a lot of side effects/health detriments and in theory, eating enough can cause cardiac failure, but i don't know the oral bioavailabity in comparison to iv.

as romantic as it seems, i don't think will would eat hannibal knowing it could kill him, and tbh, i don't see hannibal wanting will to knowing his death might be imminent. even if it meant being together in the afterlife, that wasn't how will was going to die. like yeah "death only by my hand" but it's not the same. maybe part of will's punishment is having to stay alive without him. i do think hannibal might if the roles were reversed, though.

if will ended up giving hannibal a graveplot (probably unmarked so it doesn't end up desecrated), or even sprinkling his ashes somewhere, i know will would visit him again. maybe not for awhile, maybe denial or anger, but he would go back. i know hannibal said he could never go back to lithuania, so maybe will takes him there and buries him next to mischa so they can be together, finally and forever. maybe he doesn't take him home, knowing how much hannibal stayed away when he was alive. there are a lot of things will could do, tbh.

[katyahina]

(A short one) Gender of Pharis/Evlana turns out to be up to interpretation!

Alright so.... unfortunately, I've fallen for disinformation because of localisation team, but what ELSE could it be? x) And assumed that if Pharis IS Evlana, and Evlana is specified to be a goddess in Dark Souls 2 but gender of Pharis is not specified in Japanese original, she must be a she, right? But I decided to investigate further, and turned out that Dark Souls 2 localisation team ALSO invented shit!

Who is this Pokemon character?

This Forest Hunter!

Whereas in the game this character is simply known as 'Forest Hunter Archer', Japanese guide confirms that this is Pharis!

(From this ( x ) page) 弓の英雄ファリス means 'Heroic Archer Pharis'!

Meanwhile, in Dark Souls 2, this character gets reintroduced as Evlana instead, which is not outlandish with DS2's ongoing theme of "names of the past being forgotten or distorted"! Fina being known as Nehma in Drangleic is the most blatant example!

Name engraved Ring lists Evlana as 'Goddess'! However, it will turn out that this is actually just an invention!

What about the gender thing then?

Yeah, for starters, you can tell that Pharis IS Evlana from identical items:

But I got to break down Japanese descriptions for these items to explain my point! I take them from this ( x ) document!

弓の英雄ファリスの愛用した帽子

'Hat favoured by a Heroic Archer Pharis', 英雄 (hero or heroine, is gender-neutral)

ファリスは弓の名手であり、人でありなが��

'Pharis was an accomplished archer, while a human', 名手 (expert or master or excelling at something, gender neutral word)

グウィン王の四騎士「鷹の目」ゴーと並び称される

Just translates as 'Praised alongside to one of Gwyn's Four Knights, "Hawk-Eye" Gough'! There is no 'pronoun' in this sentense, and many languages have an option to refer to someone without pronoun but it is clear it is about them from the context!

伝承にあるその帽子に憧れる子供も数多い

'That hat from (the) legend is wished by many childen to be worn'. Again, no pronoun!

Similarly with the Japanese mention of Evlana:

狩りの神エブラナはかつて人であり、

'Evlana, God of the Hunt, human that once was (?)'. 神 (god or 'kami', gender neutral)

弓に秀でた英雄であったが

Continues the previous sentence, 'and a hero that excelled at bow'. 英雄, hero or heroine again, gender-neutral!

時代が下るにつれ、次第に神格化された

'As time went on, deification was done (to someone the context refers to)'. No pronouns!

So, wait, what about the 'God' and 'Goddess' selection screen then? Well, you see, turns out that:

That this was also invention of English localisation! Turns out, it ALSO just uses gender-neutral 神 'kami' for everyone!

狩りの神エブラナ (God of Hunt, Evlana). I assume whether God gets called God or Goddess was based on the name. So, by the logic of localisation team, Evlana is a feminine name = she gets mentioned as Goddess! However, Ciaran is for one a masculne name, and yet? Fromsoft has precedents, so it could be a reason for a headcanon, but not an evidence!

Pharis' Hat Retcon

The hat is also an interesting thing! Pharis is wearing a set that is just for a Hunter starting class, and this set alters depending on whether the model is 'male' or 'female'!

However, in both Dark Souls 2 and Dark Souls 3, the hat becomes unisex, and only 'male' version is featured! 'Female' one is not used again! Nonetheless, the design is still attached to Pharis even in Dark Souls 3:

So, technically it is correct to ignore what model of Pharis looks like in Dark Souls 1, and draw her with 'male' variant of the hat! Or rather, it is the only variant now as they've made sequels! It counts as unisex now!

Or, maybe not? There is some interesting lore attached to the small variant with the feather that went unused in Dark Souls 2 though. Pharis never got to have unusual birb companion. :pensive:

But also, how about the idea that whoever Coco is existed in Dark Souls 1 times, maybe/likely even without being companion of Pharis! So, Pharis used to wear the 'female'/feather variant of the hat, and maybe so were many other hunters! Hunters that believed in good luck in hunt by placing the feather in their hats, and Pharis was one of such people!

But, only later Pharis replaced the "superstition feather" hat with their own, new, unique hat! We can always have both if we know how to work with what we're given!

_________________________

So yeah, Pharis/Evlana canonically can be any gender! I for one really like female Pharis as sort of a prototype to Dolores, the GNC archer lady from Elden Ring! But yes as you can see, the only "evidence" is the name, and in Fromsoft's case, it means nothing!

[lorei-writes]

HC: Crochet! Princes - Foreign Affairs Faction

Clavis, Chevalier, Luke, Nokto Content Warnings: none Word Count: ~1.3k Inspired by @keithsandwich 's work :)

Quiet. Be quiet, little ones. For what would have happened if humans saw you come alive, with your little crocheted heads and wire spines? Children of yarn do not see eye to eye with those born from blood.

So be quiet.

At least for now.

Clavis

He falls asleep come midnight, so he spends his days wandering in the shadows of his human maker. (Who, as it happens, is now certain that Clavis doll is possessed — how else could they explain the fact that it is him and him alone who is always misplaced?)

A multitude of legends has grown around Clavis the possessed doll. Likewise, rules followed. For the protection of his co-habitants, naturally.

Rule #1: If you see Clavis doll appear in the kitchen while you’re cooking, do not turn your eyes away from the food. Otherwise, it will be magically transformed into gruesome in appearance, although technically edible, abomination.

Rule #2: If you hear the plink of glass out of nowhere, pinch your nose and proceed as usual. If you see any colourful vapours, run.

Rule #3: Say “I adore you to the moon and back, Clavis!” whenever you hear hyaena laughter.

Rule #4: If you see Chevalier doll fighting with Clavis doll — no, you did not. Follow any steps specified by Clavis doll until you’re outside the reach of Chevalier doll. Were you to fail at the task… Clavis doll does enjoy digging in the ground.

Cyran doll is still in the making. As such, Clavis doll is… Well.

His ambition is to find a needle and to add certain “adjustments” to Chevalier doll. However, he’s been unsuccessful thus far – largely because any yarn needles are held within the big tin box of doom on the upper shelf, guarded by a hedonist-doll-hater orange cat by the name of Potato.

An ancient prophecy says that on the day of final judgement Clavis doll with descent from heavens riding on an orange lion. It is highly likely that Potato’s disdain for all things Clavis is what prevents the apocalypse.

Whether that will remain the case is still unclear, as Clavis doll has taken interest in growing plants… including catnip.

Chevalier

Chevalier doll can generally be found somewhere around any large bodies of books — bookcases, attics, perhaps his maker’s backpack (whenever their route leads by a library). That being said, it “conveniently” always so occurs that it’s perfectly reasonable for Chevalier doll to be there. As such, nobody ever questions it.

The people who have seen Chevalier move do not make it far. (Typically not outside the door; provided that they do not execute the instructions of Clavis doll).

The house hosting Chevalier doll is rather old. As such, the primary focus of Chevalier doll is the maintenance of his kingdom, for the benefit of the doll kind. Using his superior wadded (with polyester) brain, he slays mice and moths with toothpicks, unclogs toilet bowls, calls appropriate companies to fix the roof… The list goes on.

That being said, Chevalier doll does indulge from time to time. Not only that! He finances his endeavours on his own!

Can you really be sure the person you talk with online is a person and not a crochet doll? Can you? CAN YOU NOW?!

With the internet at his non-existent fingertips, Chevalier doll can accomplish things no ordinary (meaning lifeless) doll could dream of. An inconspicuous doll by day, Chevalier spends his nights as an editor for an established publishing house — the fearsome Bloody Tiger who will not let the smallest error slide!

His work laptop (and personal e-book reader) is hidden below his makers bed, next to their secret toy box. They do not dare question it. The placement of the device was meant as a threat and it clearly has worked.

Yes. He has his own bank account.

And somehow, a driving license.

Nothing is impossible for the rare genius crochet doll born made every 1 000 years.

But maybe let’s not think about that too deeply. Lest we are to arrive at human-doll hybrids.

Luke

Luke is one of the few dolls who have actually befriended a human.

Her name was Leila. She was the niece of his maker and she instantly took a liking to him. She’d take him out on walks, make clothes for him, sing him songs, feed him pretend honey cakes… and she’d also tell him things. Things she’d never tell to anybody else.

In turn, Luke protected her — whenever she was afraid of demons living under the bed, he’d go and “scare” them away. He’d check inside wardrobes, hush any mosquitoes, bring her cookies after she had already brushed her teeth. He’d keep a flashlight on the ready and he’d do his upmost to present her with shadow theatre whenever she couldn’t sleep while visiting.

However, Leila grew and she continued to grow… and eventually, she convinced herself that she had merely dreamt of Luke coming to life. It all must have been a silly game played by a child bored with yet another visit to her relatives.

That being said, Leila still comes by. She also still plays with Luke, or at the very least takes time to greet him properly and shake his hand. She often brings (now an actual honey) cake and sets a good portion of crumbs aside aside, just for him… Although she tells herself it must be mice that eat it. Surely. Just old mice.

Luke finds it hard to accept this reality. The little girl that has once played with him is no more. He is happy to see her well, however, he also struggles with the fact that their lifespans clearly differ. Luke the doll will go on living. Leila the human is already an adult. She will age, and then… How does one mend humans? What does one do when their stitches become loose? When moths eat away at their cotton flesh and their strange button eyes fall off?

Nokto

Nokto doll is an absolute hit with women of all ages. For… vaguely unexpected reasons, perhaps.

The way Clavis doll is seen as cursed, Nokto doll (together with Licht doll) is thought to be blessed. Having Nokto around supposedly brings good luck during job interviews, dates, social gatherings of any type, and language classes.

Given the above, he is brought… everywhere. Nokto doll enjoys a rich social life. His wardrobe is expansive — how else could he become the high fashion accessory craved by many but possessed by few? Some of his outfits are downright scandalous… not that he complains. (That being said, he may consider it most curious, given the intricacies – or lack thereof – of his crochet anatomy).

The sad truth of Nokto’s life is that he never stays for long with anybody. It may be that he’s grown to accept it, or to even prefer this state of affairs (although he cannot say why that could be the case). He sleeps in many beds, just to be brought home in the morning, to sleep away all day and be back at his post at night.

The secret behind Nokto’s “magical qualities” is that, whenever people aren’t looking, he disappears from the crowd and sneaks in below the floor, to converse with local rats.

Nokto doll is the best cheese dealer in town. And other-things-dealer too, but we do not talk about that. The rat king sees him as a valuable ally and so, his subjects are to do as Nokto commands.

Since one of Nokto’s commands is to avoid his own house of origin, Chevalier doll does not see this situation as a potential threat. Even though Nokto may be actively working to overthrow the major of their town. For what purpose? Well… That still remains unclear, although the recent evidence suggests a certain eyepatch has been crocheted. Who knows, perhaps somebody else is pulling all the relevant strings…

You've seen a typo? Please, tell me!

--

Tag List: @lancelotscloak @violettduchess @pathogenic @fang-and-feather @tele86 @rinaririr @keithsandwich @cheese-ception @bis-enti @claviscollections

Tell me if you'd like to be added to my tag list :)

[2af-afterdark]

do u have any dark hcs for whb? and please go wild with it

You sure? You absolutely positive? I have quite a few that cover various topics so... general content warning. I just... do not have the head space to list them all, but assume that this will cover sexual themes, eating things, violence, and the like.

I admit that... these are more of a... dark au sort of thing than actual headcanons. I do think whb has some potentially dark content, but I am just going wild here and throwing out the whole fucking mess in my head. It's not everything, but it's a start.

If you click the read more, that's on you:

Devils have been making deals with humans for millennia and not all of those deals are fair. In fact, I would argue that very few of them are far. Devils don't lie about their end of the deal, but they can sure as hell twist what the truth is. Think about old school fae and their carefully worded deals.

That said, since all things in the human world originate from Hell... that must include tragedies. I think that some tragedies are the result of devil interference, whispering to humans to do awful things. Note: not all terrible things are the result of devils. Humans are just... fucked up like that.

Consent is... optional for a lot of devils. Since devils are honest with themselves, that includes their desires. I think many devils just sort of... don't think of non/dubcon as that big of an issue. Some of them definitely buy into that "isn't it a compliment" mentality.

Cannibalism! Okay, technically it's only cannibalism if a devil eats another devil (and I'm sure some do out of curiosity or because it's a delicacy) but I mean to say that devils definitely eat angels and humans. Heck, there are probably restaurants that specialize in human meat and serve it without a second thought.

On that same note, at least one of the Avisos devils is going to feed MC some questionable meat without telling them what they ate. They would probably learn what they were fed later when another devil either slips and says something, or when someone like Glasyalabolas wants to fuck with them.

Listen... you've seen some of the kinks already in this game. I have no doubt that some devils have far worse or more gross kinks. I will not elaborate because... the thought of some of them makes me sick. Not all of them are gross as much as they are... strange. Point is, I think the devils probably cover the gambit of kinks.

For our yandere lovers... a devil will get far crazier than any human ever could, to the point that it isn't sexy or fun anymore. Some yandere will surely want the best for you, but others will literally break and mold you into their ideal, some are quick to sawing off body parts, some will use punishments more than any kindness, some will beat and torment you just for the fun of it.

Making a deal for immortality? Worst possible move. I don't think many devils can make that deal, but the ones that can? You should be worried about them. Immortality makes you the perfect punching bag and toy. After all, if you never specified that you want eternal youth or to live a happy life, you are at the devil's mercy.

Devils can very easily snap a human in two. Literally. They have so much more strength than a human that it is not a contest.

Psychologically tormenting other living creatures is just a fun little game. Like "who can make someone commit suicide first" is a game that devil school children play.

Angels are just as bad as devils, but humans are brainwashed to think they are better and moral, which is somehow worse.

Angels are a little murder happy when it comes to humans who do not follow God, but they also try not to have too much interaction with humans because...

Angels see humans and devils as a lesser life form. Think... humans are basically ants to angels. They think themselves so above it all but also are aware that humans are an important part of the ecosystem. Doesn't stop them from crush humans under their heels or seeing them as pests though.

Angels picked up this attitude from God. God probably didn't see humans as anything more than cute pets or entertaining wildlife. Solomon was the one exception and, like, that's the angel equivalent of a very illegal kink I will not be naming. Yet the angels blame Solomon for tempting God...

Angels are also cannibals! They prefer devil meat though.

Since angels and devils cannot have children within their own species now that God and Lilith are missing, they will have to start breeding with other species. Again... consent is optional. I actually think Devils are slightly better is this department, but only "better" in the sense that devils are least see humans as a sentient and sapient species in the same sense as they and probably lean more into dubcon (instead of straight noncon). Also, they will at least like the children both from those unions. Angels though? Neither humans nor devils are on the same level as them when it comes to sentience or sapience, so... everything they so is disgusting in their own minds. And those kids? Those poor kids will be absolutely looked down upon, even if the angels thought it was necessary.

Genocide! But that's just canon. I mean... fuck. Angels committing genocide is just canon.

That's all I'm gonna say for now. It's a good start. Remember, some of these are more dark au than actual headcanons I actively hold... some of them are actual headcanons though.

[archhealer]

Raphael's Basic Info

Face Claim (tentative): Graham de Fallon - Doctor Elise

Voice Claim: TBD

((Sorry for the jumbled mess these notes are about to be. I'm writing them as I go. Definitely open and able to adapt to other Heaven headcanons. If yours clash significantly with what I have here, then we should talk OOC before charging forward

As of now, is ace (unless I change my mind)

As patron of healing, Raph is in charge of most of Heaven's physical and mental health, as well as watching over mortal medical personnel and healers.

His default mood or mode is just tired. He'll get gruff or annoyed pretty easily, but it most comes out of caring and giving a shit. That said, he knows when to be very gentle.

Bodies of Winners/Saved/Human souls are more like constructs. Like Sinners, they essentially respawn if killed by conventional weaponry. That said, such things are not common in Heaven.

Heavenborn angels are spiritual beings and their bodies aren't entirely equivalent to mortals. That said, injuries are often due to injury to the spirit, hence why there is a heavy focus in his practice. That said, there are still physical aspects that he tends to. He also dispels curses, possessions, or other such maladies that affect the mind or physical body.

He has angels who are therapists but will also be the therapist for high-ranking angels if he is asked for. He would prefer that his brothers have someone other than him due to conflict of interest, but will still be their therapist if they want him to. He wears glasses while in the therapist mode partly for himself, but also to let patients know if that's important to them.

If he is in charge of your health and you are a bad patient, he will not hesitate to track you down to the end of existence to get the job done. He has also authorized his angels to do the same. Including Winners/Saved/human souls under his employ

For human souls who died as babies, if they are not claimed by ancestors or family volunteers, they are taken care of in the nursey by Raphael's group. In my headcanons, the souls are presented at the age they felt they were in their prime, so these children will grow to that age. Once they've hit the toddler stage, they are given to essentially an orphanage facility where they grow to their prime selves or until self-sufficiency. Raphael makes sure that everyone under his command takes shifts at this facility, though he is there where he can. He likes babies.

He can play bass

He is not allowed to go to Earth unsupervised anymore because while he knows he can't just heal everyone, he'll find plenty of ways to justify "exceptions"

You do NOT want to fight him. Sure, he is primarily a healer and doesn't like the idea of hurting anyone. But he will not hold back because of it if it is necessary. He is powerful as an archangel and not to be underestimated. He sees violence as a last resort. Or at least something for other people.

He often finds himself taking a mediator role due to his therapy role, but it doesn't mean he's without opinions himself. He just knows when to keep them in.

That said he is particularly outspoken about health and will not hesitate to lecture if he feels it's needed. He feels he's earned that right.

Even with healing magic, he is constantly looking into modern medical techniques for better understanding. He hopes that maybe he can use them to inspire humans with new discoveries.

He prefers that human employees work with human patients and angel employees with Heavenborn patients. Not for any prejudice, but he feels it is simplest in regards to familiarity. That said, it's not like they can't work with the other.

He only lets his brothers call him Raph. He tends to refer to his own brothers either without nicknames or just "brother." Unless they specify how exactly they want him to call them.

He is very very tolerant of his employee's quirks

Addicted to coffee. It doesn't matter if he technically doesn't need sleep and so doesn't need the caffeine. He needs it. He deals with so much shit.

Some medications and drugs wouldn't normally affect higher order angels. He can make some that does, but he makes them as-needed so they don't just sit around. He tests them on himself.

He has multiple aquariums in his office.

[lemonduckisnowawake]

Against my better judgment, I'm posting a concept short story of vampire-christian (2.6k words. Gloriously unedited) I wrote literally yesterday because I think I'm hilarious. Here it is on WordPress if that's easier for some of you.

Actually, while I'm here, as I put on WordPress, ShamelessPlugin time of this kofi. NOT to give me money, by the way, but because I want to support a friend going on a short term missions trip (once that goal is reached, I'll refund the kofi, unless you specify not to). You can help them by sending me a kofi with a prompt or, if you prefer, donating directly to them here or reblogging the donation post I made here.

Anyway! What do I mean by concept short? It means probably not gonna remain canon-canon but it's something I write as basically an exposition dump to establish setting and possible dynamic with minimal narrative meat. So here you go. I love the attention but why must you kill my notes whenever I log on?

The problem with grabbing your blood in the hours no one else did—which is to say, in the burning daylight of afternoon, first day of the week—was that, sometimes, you would run into unexpected difficulties.

It wasn’t anything new to Armaros that the day’s fresh shipment of blood hadn’t arrived yet when he graced the building with his presence. After all, most humans and a good number of supernaturals did their work in the day, so there was no reason to deliver the shipment of fresh blood to the Vida en Bolsa building too early. Especially when most of the creatures who needed it came in after the sun set.

What was new, however, was that this was the time he’d had to wait with the only other person being the new receptionist.

Right now, she was scratching away at a notebook and typing something on the computer behind the reception desk in the small waiting room. It was what she was doing every time he came to Vida en Bolsa, which was every week.

Usually, their interaction would go something like:

“Hello…I’m here to receive my donation…”

“Good afternoon! Good to see you again, Armaros! Yep, your shipment of blood should be here, maybe being unloaded into the fridge, but name and DNI number?”

Short response here.

“Perfect! Just wait here and I’ll go grab it for you!”

He would mutter a thanks, give her the bag where he could carry his blood subtly, and watch as she skirted around the half-circle reception desk and ran to the door opposite far left of the entrance. Then, she’d come back and hand him the bag now heavy with a week’s worth of blood bags.

She’d mutter a cheery, “God bless you!” like it didn’t make Armaros flinch every time, and that would be it.

That was a good routine. Armaros wished that routine could always be kept.

But alas, this was Spain. And even after five-hundred years, the virtue of punctuality was one that they still sorely failed to improve on—maybe it had been a more punctual culture when he was still technically alive, but years in the present had made the far past fade somewhat.

Nevertheless, typical Spanish lateness had been the cause of the apologetic, “Looks like they’ll be late again with today’s shipment” from the receptionist.

Speaking of, actually, Armaros assumed that Chae-ryeong was a receptionist. Or maybe distributer to the beneficiaries would be the right word for it? She seemed to do quite a few other things, if the forms on her computer were anything to go by.

The problem was, every time he walked past the building—which was often, even when not stopping for blood—he would see her form sat at the desk. Daylight or twilight, she was just…there.

Armaros wondered if she ever slept or ate or took breaks. The woman had bags under her eyes as permanent as her half-smile. The hair Armaros assumed was supposedly to be the typical straight, black, and strong East Asian hair was always in a frizzy (and more often than not, greasy) mess. And truth be told, whenever he spoke with her, the scent of her blood seemed to sometimes lack the distinct iron quality that most healthy blood should possess, which wouldn’t be that alarming—anemia signs otherwise—except that she was specifically working at Vida en Bolsa.

Personality wise, Chae-ryeong was the perfect receptionist. Appearance wise, she looked like she’d been run over by one of the delivery trucks he sometimes spotted in the parking lot.

“Hm…” Chae-ryeong suddenly broke the silence.

Five-hundredish years of life had still not trained Armaros to not flinch at the sound of another human voice. Especially when the owner of the voice was looking at him looking at her.

He blinked back, fighting not to break his stare.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Armaros questioned her.

…why did I start a conversation? he yelled internally. Curse me…no. I’m already cursed. I can’t bless me either—wait, she’s saying something.

He could have just pretended to be asleep or something.

Chae-ryeong, still wearing her usual half-smile, shook her head. “No, not technically,” he caught her saying. “I was just wondering at you staring at me, but maybe you were just bored like I was?”

Well, yes. He was bored. But boring was good. Boring was silent and peaceful and—wait, why was she bored?

“…aren’t you working on something though?” he asked her, briefly eyeing the laptop next to her covered in a weird assortment of stickers.

“Well, yes…but it is rather boring,” Chae-ryeong easily replied, the picture of nonchalance. “It’s just some work for another thing I’m doing, anyway. So why were you staring at me? Or were you just bored?”

“I, uh…” Armaros stammered, trying to follow the gunshots of conversation. “I’m not bored? I was just…wondering if you ever slept, since I walk around the neighbourhood a lot and always see you at your desk.”

…that wasn’t rude to say, right?

“Ha! Come on. I’m twenty-four!” Chae-ryeong scoffed, grinning at Armaros. “Uh. I think. BUT ANYWAY! I still have, like, a year left before my brain starts deteriorating. Who needs sleep when you’re young!?”

Armaros wanted to argue that he was five centuries old and still very much needed sleep. But he was the vampire awake in broad daylight—the time he should be sleeping in. Plus, he didn’t know much about human biology now, so…

His mouth didn’t seem to agree with his brain, as he found himself muttering, “Uh…I don’t think that’s how it—never mind.”

“Nah, it’ll be great,” Chae-ryeong assured him. “But yeah…come to think about it, I do work an absurd amount of hours here, don’t I?”

The expectant eye she was giving Armaros withered him a little bit as he felt himself forced to continue the conversation. “Um…how come you work that long?”

Chae-ryeong huffed. “Well, my parents are friends of the managers of this branch of Vida en Bolsa. And after their last few receptionists quit on them, I offered to take the positions until they found someone...s new. It’s great. I can do my master’s homework, be surrounded by blood, talk with vampires that sometimes want to eat me, serve God in some form of ministry, and earn money. Lots of it, too, given how I’m working almost all the shifts.”

“That sounds…unhealthy,” Armaros commented, at loss at what to say.

Was that rude? Judging someone he barely knew?

“Oh, it absolutely is! But if I ever need a blood transfusion, at least I’ll be in good hands with the medics here!” was her cheerful reply.

It was then when Chae-ryeong shut her laptop.

Armaros wanted to die, except he was already dead. Her shutting her laptop means she’s invested in this conversation. Send help, he cried internally.

“That’s…not really what I meant—hey, are you anemic?” he suddenly asked, catching a whiff of her scent with his enhanced senses. “Oh, uh. I ask because you always smell slightly less…metallic than most people.”

The woman rested her arms on the desk, tapping her fingers and wheeling her chair slightly back and forth, attention all on him. “Ooh…so vampires can smell that. Some of the others who come in the night shift tell me that too, but yeah, I am.”

“Doesn’t that make working here…unsafe? Hungry vampires can be…” he trailed off, forgetting the word he wanted to use to express the state of hungry vampires. He sunk deeper in his chair, knowing he should just stand and make the short trek to one of the chairs nearer to the reception desk but…not wanting to.

Well, Chae-ryeong seemed comfortable where she was as well, atrocious posture and all. And she didn’t seem to mind their distance either as she bobbed her head. “Yep! But who ever said ministry was safe?”

“Erm…”

Armaros didn’t really get it, but Christians—Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, whatever other thing there was these days that believed in the triune God and the cross and resurrection thing—they were a weird lot. After all, they were the first group to establish a blood donation system for the supernaturals who needed it despite their entire nature being lethal to his kind.

“Well…if it works for you, I guess,” he passively answered back.

“It does! I usually can take short naps during the slow hours. Most of the vampires already know me now and are nice enough to wake me up if I oversleep,” Chae-ryeong blissfully blabbered on.

“Can you even oversleep in your current lifestyle?” Armaros asked doubtfully.

“Yep! I usually get four good hours, but sometimes I overshoot to seven or eight from morning till afternoon!”

“…I see.”

“What about you? You’re pretty much the only Monday daylight regular,” Chae-ryeong offered him a question, something Armaros really hadn’t needed. “I mean, you say you see me when you stroll around, but I also see you a lot out in the sun. Isn’t that unsafe?”

“Yes…it is,” Armaros said, struggling to explain. “But…I enjoy taking walks…especially to stores. They’re never open in the night.”

“Ah…right. Why don’t you move to the nearby city, then?” Chae-ryeong suggested. Armaros noticed her head still bobbing slightly from earlier. “Places like Valencia have most of their establishments open at night for the nocturnal supernaturals. Smaller cities like ours don’t have lots of those, though I think we have a good number of them! I know the center has almost all the stores and the major groceries open in the twilight hours, at least.”

“…well, it’s not something that appealed to me.”

“Makes sense to me!” Chae-ryeong accepted easily.

They lapsed into silence, with Armaros aware that Chae-ryeong was looking at him, as if desperately wanting to ask a question. Sometimes, he wished he hadn’t become more aware of social cues…

“Sorry. I’m not great with conversations,” he said. “But…do you want to ask something?”

Chae-ryeong perked up, at least as much as one could without changing the permanent expression on their face. “Actually, yeah! But it might be rude…most of the vampires I’ve asked weren’t really willing to answer…or even let me ask when I mentioned it pertained to Christianity. Can I ask it anyway?”

No???

“Sure…this is a mission, after all.”

Why was he this way?

Well, she seemed happy at the allowance? Maybe? Again. Hard to tell.

 “To be honest, I just kind of am curious about how the whole Christianity thing and vampires works. I know vampires stay away from churches and the whole lot because, well, it literally hurts their very being. But like…I don’t know. A vampire classmate and friend of mine were talking and she’s always wondered how things would have gone if she’d lived during the time of Christ and had bit Him, capital H.”

…I’m having hearing issues, right? Armaros told himself. There was no way the receptionist had just—

He straightened, if only to lean forward and ask the woman, “Sorry?”

“…it’s a weird question, isn’t it?” Chae-ryeong acknowledged. And if she wasn’t wearing her polite half-smile, it would have sounded apologetic, but she was wearing it and the acknowledgment sounded too…nonchalant?

“I, uh…no. I’m really asking,” Armaros said, just to save himself the trouble of trying to admit anything.

“Oh, then my question was about—well, I don’t know if you believe in God, actually. But Christian items still hurt you, right? So…say you do. What would have happened if you had bitten Jesus Christ while He lived and drunk His holy blood.”

…huh.

This was a bit of a belated observation, but the new receptionist—new being relative given that she’d already been here for nearly two months—was insane, wasn’t she?

“I, uh…well.”

Chae-ryeong nodded in understanding. “Yeah. That’s about the response of the other vampires willing to consider the question.”

She didn’t seem disappointed, either. If anything, she looked resigned. And Armaros dearly wanted to ask, “Resigned to what?! What are you resigned to?! What kind of crazy question is that, woman? I just want my week’s worth of blood, please! Please don’t make me change to a 42-days shipment order!”

But he didn’t say any of that because he knew better.

Rather, Armaros did his best to sit back properly and meet Chae-ryeong’s curious dark eyes, glinting in the summer evening sunlight with…something expectant, maybe? With that, he found his mouth opening without his permission again.

“Well, most vampires believe in God. The ones who don’t, uh…don’t really end up living that long, to be honest. Some out of spite, others because they don’t really…take precautions for their safety. Some are still alive, I mean,” Armaros explained, feeling more and more self-conscious and doing his best not to pray (lethal idea) for the blood delivery truck to come already.

“The thing is, we don’t have…faith in God, you know? That might kill us, after all,” Armaros explained. His smile wasn’t too strained, was it? “So we just…I mean. I’ve never thought of that question? Maybe it would have killed us? I mean, I’m pretty sure a true Christian’s blood is lethal to us, so—”

“Wait, what?” Chae-ryeong interrupted him, her smile dropping for the first time in the conversation.

The change in expression was enough to throw Armaros into silence.

She didn’t seem to mind, as she continued. “What was that about Christians’ blood being lethal to a vampire?”

The question was enough to prompt the vampire to speak again, stammering out, “Uh…oh. Um. Yeah. Cause…I think it’s some theological principle?” He honestly knew even less about it.

A lightbulb seemed to light up over Chae-ryeong’s head, or maybe that was the setting sun—hang on, didn’t that mean it was nearly 9PM?

Armaros subtly tried to glance at the big owl-shaped clock on the wall in the reception area, which did confirm his suspicion that he’d been here almost an hour and a half.

“Well, huh…I guess now I know why that threat worked,” he thought he heard Chae-ryeong mutter to herself.

That…definitely didn’t sound like it was meant to be said aloud, so he simply decided to let it go.

“Hello?” another voice startled them out of their musings.

They both turned to the speaker, a woman who looked to be in her late thirties—brown hair, Mediterranean complexion, healthy blood, maybe recently sick, also carrying a clipboard.

Chae-ryeong’s smile immediately returned as she waved out her greeting. “Hi, Sandra! How are you?”

The woman smiled at Chae-ryeong, slightly false but not unkindly. “Very tired. Sorry about the delivery being so late today. Do you want some help unloading it?”

“Oh, sorry to hear that. I hope you can go home to rest.”

“I know I will!”

“And now, don’t worry about unloading. Carla, Leo, and Adele are already taking care of it, see?”

Three pairs of gazes turned outside to see an older woman and two youths in their twenties starting to unload crates from the white and red truck parked just in front of the entrance. One of the women—Adele, Armaros recognized from her dirty blonde hair—waved when she spotted their gazes.

Armaros just stared ahead, like he hadn’t seen them.

Honestly, he didn’t think he could take any more interaction at this point. Thank…not God. But thank goodness that he could now move on from this evening.

“Armaros, do you want your blood delivery now?” Chae-ryeong’s voice interrupted his relief.

He tensed again and nodded. “Thanks, yes.”

[princehendir]

Okay so what does multifandom mean if it's not just having more than one interest like a normal human being?

WAIT NO HOLD ON. Are you genuinely this upset about people thinking a silly word is dumb

Multifandom, which evolved from multimedia, initially was used to specify that a comm/message board/forum was not about just one piece of fiction. It's evolved a bit, because now the internet has widely moved from moderated communities to single user social media accounts, but it still usually means that your account is going to have art/discussion/etc about more than one thing. It's a descriptor of what you post!

When it comes to "multifandom" as a personal descriptor... yes, "liking" more than one thing, watching more than one show, obviously that's normal. No one has ever actually thought that You Get One Piece Of Fiction And That's It, that's never been an expectation. But liking something and being in the fandom of it, or "fannish" about it, are two different things. I've been a fan of Star Trek my entire life! But I don't actively seek out transformative works about it, I don't write fanfic or meta for it, it's not much of a topic on my blog, i don't actively seek out other fans, I'm not In The Star Trek Fandom. On the other hand, I post a lot about Dragon Age, I'm actively writing fanfiction for Dragon Age, I seek out other fans with which to discuss and analyze Dragon Age. I am in the Dragon Age fandom. People like and watch/read a lot of things, but they're usually only "in the fandom of" one or two things at a time. Hence why you might specify "multifandom" instead of "in the x fandom"

It's admittedly becoming a little outdated, because most people are multifandom these days. But in the old days, people often were really only in one fandom at a time, imo mostly due to technical limitations. Like you obviously watch multiple shows but you aren't going to tape, seek out forums and mailing lists for (on dial up), and go to cons for every single one of them. You're just going to do that with The X-Files, bc you're already in those forums & mailing lists & who has the time. But the advent of streaming & modern social media has made it easier to be an active and invested fan for more than one thing at a time.

And yeah, actually I am kinda pissy. Not really so much at this specific thing but at how in general my hobby subculture specifically is considered just completely open season for every funnyperson online. I'm really kind of tired of watching people make stuff up about my hobby so that they can do a little bit about how only loser idiots could ever be into this! It kinda sucks! I don't think I should have to explain to you why it hurts my feelings a little! Sorry!

[wolfspiders-web]

Sapience re: Constructs

I continue to go down the rabbit hole of "how do I bullshit science and magic together" for my headworld, today it's enchantments

In this world, "artificial intelligence" is the magical manifestation of a will on a physical object via enchantment, often referred to as "constructs" or "cons" for short. The level of AI is limited by the inclusion of technology or lack thereof; a maximum of Stage 3 is capable on low to no tech objects, while all Stages are theoretically possible on a sufficiently technologically advanced object. The stages are as follows:

Basic: The enchanted equivalent of a simple tool and usually only possesses an on/off switch of sorts. Cannot improve upon itself nor be trained.

Competent: Designed for a specific task and can accept new data to improve functionality. May respond to inputs in a human-like manner, but has no sense of self.

Refined: Capable of being trained beyond its original parameters and develop mastery in a specified domain. Can pass or exceed tests for human-like intelligence.

Awakened: The beginnings of sapience with reasoning and emotions. However it lacks creativity and requires external input, possessing no initiative at all.

Autonomous: Possesses true self-awareness and is completely indistinguishable from a human. It acts on its own initiative and can creatively solve problems.

Master: Similar to Stage 5, but is also capable of outperforming any expert in any field and can do the work of multiple people to manage or solve complex tasks.

Omniscient: Improves itself at a rate that gets exponentially faster over time. For better or worse, once started its growth cannot be stopped nor reversed.

Stage 7 is Literally the Singularity but I wanted it to be called something else because the term feels overused in sci-fi settings. Based on the 7 Stages of Artificial Intelligence outlined in this Stack Exchange post.

Despite AI being near unexplainable except "lol magic", advanced technology and materials are still required to create a framework for the enchantment to latch onto and create a functioning artificial brain. There was nothing remotely like sapient AIs before the Great War spawned magic itself. On that note, trying to enchant a will onto a dead or even a braindead complex organic body is a very bad idea. Do Not Do. Talking animal familiars are still strictly the domain of fiction as well.

The scale is also more than a bit controversial and sparks a lot of debates along the lines of "then what are people if not Stage 5 meat constructs?", does it matter if it's wetware instead of hardware? Arguments are formed around the fact that humans are born with wills and not enchanted to have them.

The reason why this is all here is that I realized something about what I wrote about magic/tech earlier and how I've basically bullshitted a semi-plausible way to have Chasseur in my headworld, lmao. He's technically an enchanted object/construct, with a "will" put upon him to give him intelligence and a heart. Chasseur falls under Stage 5 due to being completely self-aware and has intelligence levels on par with that of the average human or slightly beyond, but he can't "multitask" on gargantuan projects like a Stage 6 can.

On that note, Stages 6 and 7 cannot be created, but a construct with the appropriate frameworks and hardware can grow into them with enough time. While Stage 4 and above are exceedingly rare, the fact that the scale already exists during my narrative means the members of the 553 Unit were not the first autonomous robots on record. c:

[alivehouse]

just wondering why you dislike Neil gaiman so much?? not trying to criticize or defend him, just curious

gghhhhh

(this is all just going to be based on good omens related stuff bc i havent really willingly interacted with any other work of his since i was like 12 he is not a great writer imo)

ok before i get into why specifically the way he uses his socials annoys me so much i just want to mention that good omens (tv show) has a serious problem with treating its characters of color poorly/as disposable (which this post goes into) and as far as i know neil has never so much as acknowledged this let alone apologize for it so theres that

but as for why i hate his social media presence specifically so much i just think the way he interacts with his fanbase is annoying & i dont want to use the term 'gaslighting' for something this stupid but i dont even know how else to describe his habit of like. pretending he wrote aziraphale and crowley in a relationship for the sake of clout?

^ he used to regularly regularly say condescending no homo shit like this but then when he realized he could get attention for pretending he wrote queer characters he pulled a 180 and started going 'ohhhh i DID write them in a relationship actually and also trans and also nonbinary i cant believe you didnt GET it just because its SUBTLE im sorry half assed vaguely subtextual scene #5 was not enough for you stupid fa- i mean people'

and he does this shit constantlyyyy and gets no flack for it. in fact a lot of his fanbase encourages it even bc were still stuck on begging for word of god scraps from rich straight men instead of engaging with work made by actual queer people i guess. (ALSO THIS TWEET SPECIFICALLY IS REALLY FUNNY bc like a month later he lied about there being a secret handholding scene in the show to send people on a wild goose chase zooming in on shit trying to find anything just to give him more streams i guess i dont know i think it was a stupid thing to even fall for honestly but it still strikes me as kind of cruel)

i mentioned this in tags before & idk if he still does this but he used to go look up his own name on here to find people talking negatively about him so he could reblog it and get them dogpiled which is why you see people talking negatively about him calling him 'neilman' so much instead of his actual searchable name. literal full grown man picking fights with random people on here bc he knows hell win since hes a famous author and will get backed up no matter what

and ok this is edging into fandom circlejerking (i think hes only said this one a few times but his fanbase brings it up constantly to shield him from any criticisms) so i wont go into this as much as i could but theres this Thing hell do where he says they cant be gay bc they technically arent men bc they arent humans (based on a bit in the book where they feel the need to specify that aziraphale is NOT ACTUALLY GAY after continuously subjecting him to homophobic language/aggression) and people will bend over backwards trying to interpret this as meaning they are canon nonbinary and Epic Trans Rep and hell vaguely encourage this instead of like acknowledging the extended man-in-a-dress evil nanny bit in the show and pointing out that it was fucked up? & honestly the whole undertone of that is like 'this character might go out of their way to look like and dress like and act like and refer to himself as a man but he cant REALLY be a man because he wasnt Created That Way' like how the fuck am i supposed to be treating this as a trans positive read of the situation lmao. not to mention the 'inhuman = nonbinary,' 'nonbinary = CANT be gay!!! there are no gay nonbinary people i guess' legwork going on here going on here i dont know its a whole mess

PLUS i just think its funny that hes said making characters gay would be disrespectful to his deceased cowriter but pulling an entire second out of his ass for that sweet amazon money apparently isnt lmao

and to finish this off just for fun heres him at the start of the pandemic when there was a crazy high rising death toll making it about his fucking book, + him answering another ask in response to that AFTER he had deleted the original post, to make the person asking him look like they were attacking him for no reason:

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I WOULD SPEND ALMOST EVERY WAKING MOMENT EITHER WORKING OR THINKING ABOUT OUR STARTUP

There is one other language still surviving from the 1950s, Fortran, and it is a standard, I won't get in trouble for using it. By the time the acquirer gets them, they're finishing one another's sentences. The acquirers already have brand recognition and HR departments. He thought for a second, and said ok. The term macro does not mean you aren't doing something meaningful, defensible, or valuable. For good and bad technology. There might be 500 startups right now who think they're making something Microsoft might buy. Symbols are effectively pointers. I've read that the same task could be painful to one person and pleasant to another, but are so caught up in their squabble they don't realize it.

We were after the C programmers. But it's all based on one unspoken assumption, and that employers are just proxies for users in which risk is pooled. He thought for a second, and said ok. After a while, most people in rich countries do. Maybe they'll listen to one of the most important quality would be intelligence. You should lean more toward firing people if the source of your trouble is overhiring. But because he doesn't understand the risks, he tends to magnify them. And isn't popularity to some extent its own justification?

It was both a negative and a positive surprise: they were surprised both by the degree to which persistence alone was able to dissolve obstacles: If you pitch your idea to a random person, 95% of the investors we dealt with were unprofessional, didn't seem to be a job. I'm not sure why. An experienced CFO I know said flatly: I would not want to be a total slacker. Why should they wait for VCs to make the cover something you can tell a book by its cover originated in the times when books were sold in plain cardboard covers, to be bound by each purchaser according to his own taste. Given this dichotomy, which of the two paths should you take? This is the kind of possibility that the pointy-haired boss miraculously combines two qualities that are common by themselves, but rarely seen together: a he knows nothing whatsoever about technology, you start to get the wrong answers. If you define a language that talks down to them. A lot of founders that was the big surprise: How hard it is to live in the future. I wrote this for Forbes, who asked me to write something about the qualities we look for in founders.

When you're starting a startup was the value of safe jobs. And usually the acquirer doesn't need anyway. Gone is the awkward nervous energy fueled by the desperate need to not fail guiding our actions. You only need other people to use a language for which he can easily hire programmers? And in accounting that's probably a good idea. Here's a typical reponse: You haven't seen someone's true colors unless you've worked with them on a startup. Why do the founders always make things so complicated?

Don't sit here making up a name for the phenomenon, Greenspun's Tenth Rule: Any sufficiently complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad hoc informally-specified bug-ridden slow implementation of half of Common Lisp. The immense value of the peer group of YC companies, and facing similar obstacles at similar times. If you're small, they don't think it takes years to learn how to make things people want. Suits, who don't know one language from another, and work well together. The company is ultimately doomed. So you can test equality by comparing a pointer, instead of comparing each character. Startups are a comparatively new phenomenon. Refuting the Central Point. Are you kidding? I wonder if these patterns are not sometimes evidence of case c, the human compiler, at work.

What is going on here? You probably didn't have much choice about the secondary schools you went to. There are plenty of undergrads with enough technical skill. After a while, if you could get all three for nothing. These are smart people; if the technology was good, they'd have used it voluntarily. The route to success is to get. Buying larval startups solves that problem for them: the acquirer doesn't pay till the developers have proven themselves. If languages are all equivalent, why should the developers of Java have even bothered to create a named function to return.

There's no rush. Running a startup is not like having a job or being a student, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be such outliers that your conscious mind would reject them as ideas for companies. And more to the point, nobody knows you're 22. Average age of their founders: 24. There's a shocking amount of shear stress at every point where a startup touches a more bureaucratic organization, like a detective solving a case in a mystery novel. Most programming probably consists of writing little glue programs, and for little glue programs in Lisp too I use it as a desktop calculator, but the people who created it as well. There is a positive side to thinking longer-term. Business guys probably aren't, but hackers are used to a world where skill is paramount, and you don't have significant success to cheer you up, it wears you out: Your most basic advice to founders is just don't die, but the people who have them happier. If you're thinking about getting involved with someone—as a cofounder, an employee, an investor, or an acquirer—and you have misgivings about them, trust your gut. If I haven't, let me clarify that I'm not writing here about Java which I have thought about a lot.

To benefit from engaging with users you have to create a data structure to hold the value of 20 year olds. I try to think How can I write this such that if people saw my code, they'd be happy to take VC money and bet the rest on a bigger outcome. These quotes about luck are not from founders whose startups failed. Morally, they care about getting the big questions right, but not in the middle who see how important luck is. So Dad, there's this company called Apple. The catch is that phrase over time. Most readers can tell the difference between mere name-calling and a carefully reasoned refutation, but I think it will be that bad. But because he doesn't understand the risks, he tends to magnify them.

[moose-mousse]

Designing systems with bad Implicit requirements. (Or "How to hire people")

So I have now been searching for a job for half a year. And my conclusions are: 1: Firms have no idea what they are doing. Everyone seems to make decisions based on "What does everyone else seem to be doing" and "How do we usually do it" 2: Your ability to do the job you are applying for have just about 0% relevance in your ability to GET the job you are applying for. I am a system designer. And when I get exposed to the same system many times, I start analysing it... it is basically habit at this point. And so, I analyse the hiring system. And so far, in all the interviews I have been to I have been asked 0 technical questions about the position I was interviewing for. 0! And the little feedback from my many many rejections, was that I am not experienced enough. That is weird. Because they are making a judgement on how skilled I am... while not at all asking about or testing my skills. And yesterday I finished my internship (Which is a polite way of saying "Whored myself out for 0 pay in desperation"), and I was in a room with 6 other developers, who was all programming in C++ And I now know that I was the best person at C++ in that room. Better at designing with C++, building architecture with it, knowing the intricacies of the language, and knowing tiny weird little details of the language. (Most of the others had different things they were better at. More experience working with the specific hardware and codebase at the job, better at 3D simulations and so on) So I know for a fact I am skilled. But the system that is build with these interviews mean that skills do not count. Someone with terrible skills who had done bad work at their student job for a year or two, is considered better than someone with great skills who have focused on their studies and not yet worked. Or said in another way. There is an implicit specification in the system design that "Being good at the job, does not matter" So since that is frustrating as hell, and I need to interact with it to stop my brain exploding, lets design a better system. First of all, the OBVIOUS (That... I have seen exactly 1 firm do):

Blind recruitment.

The system will have to have humans make the judgement of who to call into interviews, and who to hire. And humans are stupid little monkeys with brains with software that is just layers covering for the flaws of other layers. Yes, that also means you. And yes, that also means me. We are biased. You can try to constantly evaluate yourself, be aware of your biases and minimize them, but they cannot be removed. Science ( as in, the entire field , have tried for several hundred years and is only "meh" at it So how do we deal with that? We remove the info that is not needed, and can ONLY lead to bias. A person making a judgement if a candidate should be called in for a interview should not know the candidates gender, name, age, skin color, religion or any other information we can remove that have no value when it comes to figuring out if that person will be good at their job. You may think "Hey wait a minute. Age DOES have an influence!" but it really does not. EXPERIENCE does, and SKILL does, and PERSONALITY does. And yes, age can corelates with that. But that is it... it MAY corelate with it. We want to value 2 people with the same skills, and the same experience in the relevant fields equally, if they are 25 or 40.

Throw the letter of motivation in the trash where it belongs

Does the job you want someone to do involve writing 1 page marketing nonsense, that follows standards that is never specified? No? Then stop making people write those to get the job. Letters of motivation should only be required for jobs where the skills you showcase by WRITING such a letter is relevant.

Throw the CV in the trash where it belongs

There is NO agreement on what a CV should contain. You can find people claiming that THEY know, and that you should ignore the thousands of others who say the exact same thing but disagree on what it should contain. You may be able to boil it down to "relevant skills" and "relevant experiences"... but now you are having the person who have no information about the job or the inner workings of the firm guess what skills and experiences are considered "relevant". So unless the job you want them to do involves blind guesswork, don't do that. Simply have a website that asks the candidates the relevant questions. Write down the very specific skills you want (Embedded C++, Javascript in React, Kotlin for Android etc) and ask the candidate if they have those. Simple yes/no questions. And for each of them, have a more general question (Low level programming, front end web development, Android development). Now, ask the candidate the general question, and if they say yes, ask them the specific questions that relates to that. Do the same for experience. A specific question could be "Do you have 1 year or more experience working with relational databases via C# ?" and a more general question could be "Do you have more than 1 year or more experience working with C#" or "Do you 1 year or more experience working with relational databases?". And yes, you can also have them write a paragraph about their extra experiences: "What hobby or work in other industries have you done that have help you develop as a worker?" "For how long did you do that?" This is essentially the specific bits you are interested in from the CV. And basically, anyone in the codeblr community could make this website in a few days, AND have it output files that is nicely formatted. Give them a few more days, and they will have a website for setting up the interview question website so it can be done quickly and efficiently.

You CANNOT know if a person will work well in the firm, or in the team

What to ask at interviews have been studied a lot. And we have data to at least make SOME statements. One of which is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to determine if a person will work well together with a team based on interviews. People simply do not act in a way at interviews where you can judge it. No amount of personality tests that con artists have sold your firm will help, and no, people cannot figure it out just by talking to someone (People however THINK they can. Which is worse that simply not being able to). The only way to find out is to hire people. We can do a middle ground technique and hire people for a trial Period. Which is NOT a guarantee that they will KEEP working well with the team... but it is MUCH better at predicting it than people who think they are somehow better at psychology than the entire scientific field of psychology. And yes, this costs money. But it costs LESS money than the alternative.

Either know what you want from a interview, and be able to test it, OR, throw the interview in the trash where it belongs

Interviews are THE most expensive part of hiring someone. And I have yet to be at a interview where ANYONE asked themselves "Why are we doing this?". I would say, in 8/10 cases, they are wasted. If you need someone to do design, architecture or development or other work where thinking in creative but structured ways are required, then you can gain some value. Either ask questions that 100% of candidates should be able to answer, and then dig into the "why" of their answer. For example, ask a software developer to name a software pattern they are relatively familiar with. Then ask them what that pattern does, and when it should be used. And when it should NOT be used. You can also give people homework to do before the interview. Again for programming, FizzBuzz is a great choice. Why? Because it is a solved problem, that is solved in a unsatisfying way. The problem is basically: "Make a program that takes a number to count up to as a input. If the number is divisible by 3, have the program output "Fizz", if it is divisible by 5, yell "Buzz". If it is both, yell "FizzBuzz"". Basically, you will quickly find the optimization that you never check for "FizzBuzz!". You just check for the two other things and output the relevant word. If both are true, then FizzBuzz will appear. So you make your 3 checks into 2 checks.... and then you are stuck. There IS no way to optimize further. Ask the candidate what extra information they would want to solve this test better. You can ask this at a interview or again, via a website that also gives the candidate the problem. Because fun fact, if you know if the program should be optimized for Speed (IE CPU efficiency) or how much space the program takes, or both, then you can actually make the program a LOT better. And knowing to ask the right questions when you are given requirement to your program IS a very great skill to check if the candidate have. You can also check the code. Was it easy to read? Is it easy to modify? Did they do anything cleaver like use linear programming to make it run faster? Did they do clever optimization tricks? (If they did that is good... but it DOES also mean they might pre-maturely optimize, which is a deadly deadly sin in software development.) I went through that in detail, because it showcases HOW to approach designing questions and tests for a candidate for a specific job.

And if you think it is too much work, or if you cannot come up with relevant questions and tests... THEN DO NOT DO INTERVIEWS. If hiring someone without an interview feels like a blind shot. You are correct. But it is LESS of a blind shot than hiring a candidate based on random and irrelevant skills. And it is a shit-ton cheaper.