#i mean i think my art SUCKS big time
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iâm doing art fight this year / resisting the urge to kill myself!!
#this is a self esteem thing#i mean i think my art SUCKS big time#so like just thinking about doing this is huge mega anxiety butâŠ#iâm trying to improve!#<- even just saying that makes me want to DIE lmao#pointless rambling
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ive never talked about their dynamic but this is one of the many thoughts i have about them
#ive been having power outages all day help me#my stuff#lisa rpg#bo wyatt#lisa garth#lisa the painful#i imagine hes saying do you liiiiike it :) with a deep yet nerdy voice#ok deranged thoughts time#yes i in fact like them becuz theyre both artists#but heres the thing#theyre both STRUGGLING artists who have a very deep bond with their art which reflects who they are as people#they both also suck at it lol#yet they continue cuz their art is their life pretty much#and i like to think that having another artist buddy would feel nice for them#especially in garths case it's like dude lives pretty much under a rock feels ignored by everyone cares too much about others reactions etc#either it becomes some sorta onesided artist rivalry or he becomes obssesed with the fact that there is another guy in the team#who knows what it's like#he would be all like YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND!!! and bo is just like lol#becuz while he struggles too he doesnt make a big deal out of it doesnt care about being underappreciated#like garth who is A BIG ATTENTION SEEKER#so imagining them hanging out and having this weird artist bond is cool to me#id also include jack cuz they all make an artist team but yknow SIGHHHHH#also i have different thoughts on what does art mean for jack since hes younger#these are definitely not all of my thoughts i am insane about artist characters#and yeah it could be said gart in this post is trying to get bo's attention#through a mix of what bo likes and what garth likes and it's a funny and cute thought to me#lisa ramblings#still love this post#lisa artist team#bogarth
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i think it kinda sucks how so many genuinely cool and interesting motifs in poetry have been overused to death on here and twitter and whatnot. like i will forever roll my eyes if i see mention of clementines in an all lowercase free verse poem
#pomegranates too which actually big time sucks bc i was over here using pomegranate imagery in my shit in like 9th grade#but now every time i try to write with it it just feels uninspired and like something thatâs already been said#by a million social media poets#(this is not to disregard âsocial media poetryâ as an art form btw i think all art is worthy of respect but like yk#what i mean with this specific brand of like tumblr poetry#jude.txt
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#vent#I really don't think I'm made for interacting with communities.#I never get big. Hell I rarely ever get small. I'm usually just super ignored#and that sucks! It makes me not want to interact or do anything.#Playing in the corner with my toys. Alone. Watching everyone else play together#Trying to play with others and just getting ignored.#Why do I even bother?#I'm going to keep going with my newest blog as long as I can. Especially because I'm also using it to like host the story itself#but I know that ultimately when the larger community doesn't even know I exist...#i mean shit. the fact I posted my first chapter and the only people interacting with it are my friends and myself#already makes me want to give up now. Before I put too much time into it.#before another ânationalparkofficialâ happens. I put so much time and love into that blog. And for what. For fucking what#I still love the characters I made for it though. So at least I have that.#I wonder sometimes if its because I don't add art.#but other times I wonder if its because I'm that atrocious at making stories.
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please đ#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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im so bad at separating the art from the artist
#it takes me MONTHS to be able to enjoy their character or the music or whatever they do instead of just seeing what they stand for#i didnt rb any gifs of noah for months and now im getting back into byler and stranger things cuz i miss it but its still so hard for me#i see him and i dont see will i see a zionist and i am just filled with disgust#his face has become a reminder for me to do my daily clicks#and yes i did just obsess over yellowjackets for like 10 months straight but a big reason why i stopped byler posting everyday is bc of him#which sucks cuz i fucking love that ship and i LOVED analyzing it#and im seeing everyone else just byler posting constantly and it makes me feel kinda crazy#like are you just mentally good at separating the art and you dont support him or are you a fucking zionist too#theres so many noah apologists in the byler fandom.....#and blogs i loved too!!!!!#gathering my clips for the s3 gifset rn thats what caused this ramble#theres a solo shot of will that i love and it would be such a good gif but i dont think ill put it in#im turning anons off for a bit#yall were fuckin mean last time i spoke about it i literally almost deactivated
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if horror game in horror genre, then why monster have scary face???? i want horror game!!! NO SCARY FACE!!!!!!!!! only horror game <3
#incoming ramble about scary faces in horror games spooking me too bad#just wish i could like listen to it like a podcast#i get this thing where a very particular genre of images#generally any scary character in analog horror will fit in that genre but yeah like big long distorted mouth realistic eyes usually#can be different tho#but yeah those images get stuck in my head and freak me out in a very intense instinctive almost like primal animalistic way#and when i say stuck in my head i mean i see them every time i close my eyes for hours on end after i so much as think about this image#i am not exaggerating when i say i see that image every time i blink#itâs not as bad if iâm just remembering it as opposed to having just seen it but it can be bad either way if i have a decent memory of it#and this causes intense paranoia#like yknow itâs behind me if my back is exposed itâs right in front of me if iâm in the dark itâs outside my window above my head etc etc#itâs really bad idk whatâs going on with me but yeah it sucks bad dude i just have to avoid content like that at all costs#WHICH SUCKS SO MUCH#BC ANALOG HORROR ALWAYS HAS THE BESTTTTTT STORYLINES#IM SO MAD#THINGS LIKE THE MANDELA CATALOGS AND THE FUCKIN OTHER ONE YKNOW THE OTHER ONE HAS A H IN IT I THINK#SOUNDS SO INTERESTING STORY WISE#BUT I CANT FUCKING PLAY IT OR EVEN WATCH SOMEONE PLAY IT BC ID DRIVE MYSELF UP THE BLOODY WALL#EVEN THE MY LITTLE PONY INFECTION AU!!!!!!#I HAD TO BLOCK TAGS/KEYWORDS FOR MLP INFECTION ACROSS ALL PLATFORMS BC I GOT MY SHIT ROCKED BY TWILIGHT FUCKING SPARKLE#LITERALLY FURIOUS I LOVE THAT SHIT IT SOUNDS SO COOL BUT I CANT LOOK AT ANY ART FROM IT ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT IT GETS IN MY HEAD#ONCE I SAW A GOOD OMENS VIDEO AND IT WAS JUST A CUTE LITTLE DRAWING OF MURIEL!! CUTE SWEET PRECIOUS LITTLE OFFICER OF THE LAW!!!!#AND THEN AT THE END IT FLASHED A FRAME ALL CLOSE UP WITH THEIR FACE ALL TWISTED AND DISTORTED AND ELONGATED#SOILED MY BLOODY BREECHES I DID. CRAPPED MY BLASTED PANTALOONS I DID INDEED.#SAW THAT WRETCHED COP BEHIND MY EYELIDS FOR THE NEXT 45 MINUTES I DID.#THE WALTEN FILES THATS THE OTHER ONE#NO H IN IT#CANT WATCH IT YHO SO WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THE H
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being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes
#ooo these tags contain complaining if u dont like that then see ya around <3#i would love to scroll through the tag without being bombarded by. awfulness. both bot and fandom posted#yknow. yknow. that is a 12 yr old#it has become!!! genuinely frustrating! it always has been#and i dont mean to complain but. man. im just disappointed#and.while kinda begin the kny mascot she is barley present in fan made content. with meaning. and its all mostly reposted art ugh.#and even official stuff has her only as little child nezuko and!! i get it its cute whatever but it feel so pandery and wrong all the time#i just poitn. that is not her that is a facet u r choosign to hyperfocus on show me the real her#and lets be honest the og stroyline isnt kind to her etiher she is nonexistent after swordsmith#i remember for a time when idid post abt her i was one of the inly consistent nezuko artists who wanted to like. put her in scenarios#and i want reiterate again that drawing cute art and gifs of her is fine it doesnt hurt anyone. i love to see it actually#but like. in a fandom as big as this youd think. youd think they like her more!!!! but no#and. the last thing i want to insinuate is âif u dont like my fav character then u suckâ cus thats is not how fandom content works. at all#fandom is a experience for u to cultivate for yourself. and sometimes it just comes up short!!! i guess#it jsut felt weird being lonely in your liking of an aspect of the series where there are so many ppl. yet they all only like the hot men.#which again. u do u. nothign wrong with it. its anime afterall. it can just be frustrating sometimes.#idk! im also not very social so maybe its just my fault but. man. id love to find some other resident nezuko likers that. isnt just shippin#i feel interacting would be so much easier if my fav was like. one of the main boys like everyone else. or i made ship content or somethin#but like i said fandom is for u and u only if that makes sense. the point is to create things u want to see. which is what i do and enjoy#just with nezuko specifcally. i dotn want to put my stuff of her in the tags anymore cuz i just. dont trust the fandom with her. its weird#but also. appreciate those who did interact. i hope ur all doing alright <3 ty for talkign with me :]#i just needed to get this out cuz its. kinda why i dotn post abt kny anymore. especially the s3 fandom im sorry i just dont vibe with it </
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So there's my grammar teacher who used to be known as the intimidating one but like.. He's always been open to me and my friend about like what he watches and interests and has literally asked to see my writing
Do you know how awkward it is to explain the last thing I wrote was haha flower cough;"#+(@+%
(he liked the concept and deadass said "send it to me that's a command" and now I'm omw to write something entirely new because ain't no way I'm sending MineDai)
LMAO I WAS GONNA SAY YOU'D HAVE TO HOLD A GUN TO MY HEAD TO SEND SLASH FICTION TO MY TEACHER
#snap chats#i could never be that open with a teacher bro id rather get shot#will be epic to see what you end up cooking up for him tho. in pursuit of Not sending slash fiction lmaoooo#i wish i was able to be close with my teachers- closest i got was my art teacher during I Think my 1st or 2nd year of high school#he was SUCH a cool teacher and he'd always work on commissions during class#he was color blind so he had this really cool system on figuring out what the appropriate colors were for a client's piece#i remember one time we were meant to sketch those like. japanese scroll pieces Yk What I Mean#and while he did have preexisting examples for students who didnt know what to do (or didnt care LMAO)#he was just 'you always know what you're doing so you can freehand it' so that was epic :)#i drew a dragon.... cause im predictable...... but he really liked it so :)#man high school sucked but i also remember my english/comics teacher.. she was a really big fan of mine#she was especially passionate about my doing comics and doing art related things.. i get sad thinking about it sometimes#part of why ive always wanted to make a doujin was for her so i could send it to her and be like#'hey teach i still really like art look :)'. like when i say she was SUPER passionate about me It Was Super Passion#honestly she was my first big fan if im tbh- id never gotten support like that and i wish i valued her enthusiasm more#i was just mad depressed and angry in high school i just wanted to be left alone all the time.. but oh well no point in crying about it now#it'd be better if i could start thinking of a teacher-friendly doujin to make and give her... lmao.....#BUT YEAH NOT TO HIJACK YOUR ASK TO RAMBLE i hope you think of something to give your teach LMAOOO#just change the names full a Fifty Shades it's fine. terrible example but we know what i mean is the worst part
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i really need to like. step up and start doing art about the stuff that bothers me. i only draw what i think is pretty or looks nice or would be cool to show people. i need to draw something that makes me want to hide my sketchbook. i need to draw something so deeply personal and raw i feel bad about showing it to people. i need to basically vomit whatever i think abiut onto the paper and then call it a day
#i have many many thoughts about so many things and theyre all styck in my brain and it sucks big time#im so worried about what people WOULD think about these things. like im gonna be fully honest#my art is very mid as in people dont get really WOWED when they loom at it or want to look through my sketchbook whenever they see its out#ofc i like showing what i draw to people just to be like. i dunno. hey heres this thing i made. but i dont think anyone. cares enough#im gonna do an experiment im not going to show my sketchboom to anyone unless they ask me to see it for hmmm 2 weeks#meanwhile im also going to draw and develop the things i have brewing in my head#its my sketchbook! its my art! its me! i need to be sincere with myself. i need to be honest with the paper#sigh anyway. its a mix between feeling like noone cares about my art and wanting to open up fully to it. maybe it means something idk#ill do this now since i cant sleep#talk
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considering discarding all of my social media accounts and starting over completely from scratch so that the new accounts have zero ties to who i am irl
#biblio babbles#i mean im probably not gonna do it#i have friends i dont wanna just abandon#and i probably couldnt upload art to them because itd be correlatable with the art ive posted to my current accounts....#(unless i wait a super long time i.e. long enough for my art style to change enough that its unrecognizable)#AND itll probably take a lot of work to setup these theoretical completely anonymous accounts#and a lot of discipline to ensure that they remain completely anonymous#because if i get lazy even once that could be enough to compromise my anonymity#and i just... dont think im capable of that?#and i dont think i need to anyway#im not publicly broadcasting my personal information and ive historically generally been very careful about that sort of thing#and i change my aliases between services so#i figure it would be very very hard for an individual person to find information about me unless i actively choose to give it#and it sucks that big corporations (and by proxy the government) probably know who i am by now but#i am not a particularly important target!#i am not an activist nor a danger to society -- honestly even if i was i have so few followers that they probably wouldnt care much anyways#so again while it sucks that they know who i am it doesnt.. particularly matter for me! i think#what i really need to worry about is protecting against individual people who may try to stalk/harass/etc me#and im doing pretty well on that front i think#anyways im not done thinking about this; ill see if theres something i havent thought of yet and if so maybe ill reblog with some additions#if you (the reader) have thoughts i wouldnt mind hearing them#thanks for reading this far btw lmao. hope u have a good day :)#watch me delete this post a day later out of unfounded fear and paranoia lmao
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wave | lee donghyuck
pairing: lee donghyuck x fem reader genre: college au, academics rivals to lovers, kinda fake dating, forced to work together on a project, smut, fluff, humor (idk), music major!haechan, music major!mc | not really requested but thank you đ anon for the inspo summary: your indifference toward Lee Donghyuck, also known as Haechan, becomes rivalry when he decides to sabotage you. The battle turns into a war, the war turns into a plan, and the plan, well, the plan fails miserably... or succeeds wonderfully. After all, itâs all about points of view. Or, Haechan thinks he found a way to distract you and be better than you, but doesnât think it thoroughly and screws it up. warnings: smut, mentioned weed consumption, alcohol use, fingering, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, public sex, jealous sex, bickering, teasing, etc | inclusivity notes: reader wears different hairstyles (no mention of texture, type and color), no mention of body type (but haechan lifts her a few times), no mention of skin color, no use of y/n wc: 22.4k (out of 42k)
a/n: finally iâm back! i started this fic more than a year ago so seeing it finally come to life means everything to me. i had so much fun writing it, so i hope youâll love it too. please, let me know with comments, reblogs (that also help reach more people), or anon. i love knowing what you think. enjoy! also if there are formatting mistakes please let me know cause iâve been having problems posting this and i copied it without editing it once again.
masterpost (with visuals and playlist) (i canât post the link or else the post doesnât show up in the tags, but you can find it on my profile)
Being number one in your academy isnât a want, but a need.
You didnât spend your entire life crafting your skills and splitting yourself between the books and the training room for all of that to be swept under the rug when you finally made it to your dream university; Neo Arts Academy.
Surely, with the prizes promised to those on top, you arenât the only one with that racing passion to drive you through each day. Tons of people try their best, and even put their health at risk to reach the biggest success, but you manage to focus on yourself and keep your life in a pretty healthy balance.
You managed to focus on you⊠until something, well, somebody, started to come into your way.
Lee Donghyuck, also known as Haechan, his stage name âif he ever made it big in the industry he wanted to be already known.
You never paid him much attention. Honestly, you never paid attention to anybody, your only goal was to take care of your small garden and top everybody else, but when his competitiveness got the best of him, you just couldnât push him in the back of your mind.
Apparently, his goals are the same as yours, and that isnât a nice thing considering how competitive your world is. You first truly glanced at him during a songwriting lesson, when he huffed a bit too loudly behind you while he announced to his friend, probably named Mark, that he sucked at writing songs. However, you only chuckled mindlessly that time and went on with your day.
That was your first year there and everything went fine. Then the second year arrived and you applied for your minor degree in dance and that was when Donghyuckâs presence started to be louder. You had nothing against him, but you quickly learned he couldnât stand you for some reason. Rumours were quick at flying around, being passed from mouth to ear and you knew them.
You simply couldnât care.
Yet.
Haechan doesnât hate you. He could never do that. After all, he doesnât even know you. But he does know something about you. He knows your name, and how it is always on top of his in any ranking. He knows you will always win the contests he wants to win so badly. He knows you are good at theory and practice. He knows he just canât win with you.
He also knows nothing can touch you. Not because you are unreachable and believe youâre superior to others. Actually, you are very modest about all your academic success, but you always walk straight on your road with the goal perfectly in the line of view.
Haechan doesnât hate you. Though, lately, he has a strange feeling in his body every time he sits at his desk to study and his only motivation is to surpass you. Nothing different than the first months there, he got pretty soon you were going to be a tough but nice competitor, but fuck he never imagined you would be so hard to beat. Now that after a year he never won or got the top grade and always came second after you, you arenât motivating him, you are driving him insane.
He doesnât have many distractions, but he has friends, some hobbies outside of university, and even a part-time job. But you? Is there something that is distracting you? Is there anything that could distract you? He has no idea, not now that he is watching you walk into the room, ready for the classical ballet history class âyes, of course out of all the minors, you had to choose hisâ and sit a few rows in front of him, all alone as always, taking out your lilac book note and your pen.
Haechan has no idea, but he is going to find out something that can easily distract you and push out of your path.
You know people think of university as a moment to socialise, but being on your own has never been a problem for you. You have contacts with some of your hometown friends, and most importantly, you donât mind doing things alone; you can go to the cinema when you want, you can pick whatever restaurant you like, you can take a walk, or stay at home.
Youâve always been comfortable in your bubble, and youâd like to keep it that way, but life has strange plans.
âDamn, always on a rush.â You recognize Haechanâs voice, but you donât bother turning around because youâre sure heâs not addressing you. You think itâs weird heâs sitting next to you, but you blink the surprise away and grab your tablet from your bag. âWhoever put music theory at 8:30 in the morning on a Monday needs to go to jail.â
You chuckle at his comment, subtly rolling your eyes before opening the note app to go where you left it in the previous lesson.
âYou write a lot.â This time youâre quite sure heâs talking to you, so your neck turns to look at him and you find him closer than youâd like him to be.
âI annotate, itâs just the essentials.â
He scans the notes quickly before scoffing. âThe essentials? I donât write as half as that.â
âWell, I think this is essential, but we all work differently,â while youâre answering him, you donât even notice that his friend is not beside him, and you get lost in him for a second, mostly in the scent thatâs filling your nostrils now that his brown jacket is so close to you.
âThe professor talks too fast, how the fuâ how do you get everything?â He stops himself from cursing and backs away, finally making you breathe some air that is not filled with his intoxicating perfume.
âI rewrite phrases. And, to be sure, I record the lessons, so I can re-listen to them in case something doesnât make sense when I study them. And then I also re-write the notââ
âYou record the lessons?â He almost snarls with his eyes bulging out of his skull as he, once again, stands too close to you.
âIs it illegal?â Your head tilts to the side as genuine curiosity blooms on your face.
âNo, itâs⊠itâsâŠâ he sighs, throwing his head back and cursing something under his breath in a tight dialect you donât recognize. âI never thought about it.â
âOh, well, it helps me a lot. Sometimes when Iâm too tired to read I just play the lessons and memorize stuff while I do other things,â you smile, moving your hair to one side of your neck before grabbing the pen when the professor walks in. âYou should try.â
âOh, you can be sure I will.â
Haechan canât be so stupid. He canât believe he can be so stupid. Why didnât he ever, ever, think about that? Thatâs a smart idea, better than crying and cursing when he tries to understand what he wrote down on paper when he revisits the notes, or asking Mark if he wrote some phrases he had marked down with several question marks or dots to fill âdots that he never fills.
But heâs still sure he canât be a terrible student, he had always been on top of his classes, always aced them and his study method worked⊠but what if yours worked better? Given the results of the past year, and the start of this one, the answer is clear: yours do work better.
But he doesnât think that itâs the only reason you are beating him in everything. What if you have other tricks?
Haechan is going to find out.
You always believed your only competition was yourself. You never liked to engage with other people and fight them or fear them. But Haechan had given you no choice.
It was an open threat at you when he purposefully told you a different day to turn in an assignment when you were sick, you had no choice but to fight back.
That was when Haechan truly became your rival. He had always been, you two were always at the top, fighting for the first place and the big prizes, but now it was a matter of pride.
Haechan had officially made it on top of your blacklist, at least he could arrive number one in something, not like there was a big competition to be in there, in fact, you didnât even have one before he pushed your last nerve.
Fucking it up with you wasnât Haechanâs plan, he wanted to befriend you and trick you into giving him some magic tricks, but things went⊠wrong. With Mark by his side, it was impossible to sit next to you. During songwriting you got up and sat on another seat in the middle of the lesson with the excuse of ânot seeing from afarâ, and he couldnât approach you in any other circumstances. So, when you got sick for three days, he thought he could, for once, steal your spotlight.
He wasnât sure you were sick, but he was sure enough you werenât going to miss lessons days to study or work on projects; you never needed extra time, unfortunately, he knew it well. So the only thing that could lock you in your place was an illness of some kind. He did feel bad when you came back four days later and asked him if you missed something, he could see you still werenât at your best, and he couldâve tried his luck by telling you the truth, hoping that the precarious state you were in was going to make you come up with a terrible essay on an instrument of the 18th century, but his eagerness got the best of him, and he lied.
So he had officially screwed his plan of getting closer to you.
âYou are an asshole,â you scream, slamming the books in front of him on the table in the garden, not caring about his friends staring at you in shock. âAnd donât look at me with that face of âI donât know what youâre talking aboutâ because you know what Iâm referring to.â
âI donât, thoughâŠâ he whispers, trying to keep a distance between you because you look scary âhalf bent on the table, furrowed forehead, pointing fingerâ and he thinks you are very motivated to reach over his neckline and strangle him.
You roll your eyes, groaning in annoyance. âYou told me Professor Kim left an essay for Monday, I thought I could use the weekend to do an amazing job and he called me to his office because I was three days late.â
Haechan gulps, and the table goes silent, you feel his friendsâ gazes on you but they are the last thing in your mind.
âMind to explain?â
âI⊠I didnât do it on purpose?â
âYou have to ask me if you are an asshole because your mother didnât put a brain in your skull?â
âHey, take it back!â He warns with a pointing finger, glaring at you. Â
âNo,â you retort, crossing your arms on your chest and standing up straight. âYou sabotaged me.â
âYou are making things up. Maybe you should be in the creative writing major,â Haechan taunts, a shit-eating grin on his face. Â
You gasp offended, clenching your fists to avoid wrapping your hands around his neck. âYou â you â ugh,â you huff. âThis paper was graded! And you knew it, itâs part of the mid-course work he adds to our final grade. Why would you do that to me?â
âYou think I did that on purpose?â
âWhen did you turn it in?â You ask and when his eyes widen you scream at his face. âSee! You turned it on time. I fucking hate you!â
âI didnât answer,â he tries to defend, a challenging edge in his voice, getting to your nerves more than the look on his face.
âFirst of all, I can see it in your face. Youâre trying to look surprised and even scared, but youâre having the time of your life because, guess what, you canât surpass me if you donât play your stupid games.â
He snorts offended, gulping before leaning closer. âYou think I canât beat you?â
âItâs not what I think, itâs what the rankings say, itâs what our professors say, and itâs what all the external opportunities Iâve got say. But if you want to try to prove facts wrong, bring it on,â you shrug, grabbing your things and taking a step back. âNo more dirty games from now on, Lee Donghyuck. Trust me, you donât want me to start playing them too, you might not even see the top three if I do.â
The months to come are fire. You should keep minding your business but as soon as he opens his mouth in class you canât press your lips together and fake it. You try, every time, but you fail.
âI just mean that the melody is what attracts people,â he argues during a discussion in the songwriting class.
You huff, shaking your head. âPeople care about the lyrics more.â
He scoffs loudly and the professor glares at him for the reaction but he still goes on. âPeople wonât listen to a song if the production sucks.â
You turn around, eyebrows pressed in a furrow. âAnd they wonât listen to a song if the lyrics are dumb, or tell a bad message.â
âReally? Catchy pop music is a thing even if you want so badly to maintain the purity of the art of music with only lyrical depth.â
âI love catchy pop songs, but thereâs something objective in music and something subjective, if you paid attention to any of our classes you should know, right?â
The class holds back a laugh and the professor coughs, making you utter an apologize, more addressed to her than your enemy.
âOh, trust me, I paid attention to class,â he retorts, mockingly smiling at you. âAnd weâre not talking about the quality but the appeal. People remember the rhythm of the song or the tune more than they remember the words.â
âAnd words can hold so much meaning for someone they will stick to them forever. Also, lyrics can have different interpretations and if youâre a good writer you can make one song fit for more occasions.â
âThatâs dumb,â he says, looking at you up and down after scoffing. âNotes can transfer different emotions, what you said just doesnât make sense, please.â
âCan we tone it down?â Professor Park warns, glaring at the both of you.
You nod and mutter another apology before speaking up again, âI believe that a good melody can easily attract people at first listen, but if we talk about the long run, a memorable song also needs good lyrics. And Mariah Carey herself said how being a songwriter makes your career last more, so I think itâs telling coming from one of the best voices ever.â
âI think you both make a great point,â the professor cuts the conversation off before you can jump at each otherâs throat again. âIt would be interesting to make a deeper analysis and maybe break down songs and compare data over time. If it was possible to keep the decorumâŠâ she whispers the last word and you want to disappear because you hate the scene you gave. âBut we need to move on with our lesson, so, as I was sayingâŠâ
Out of all the heated discussions you had in class, the one about the importance of production and lyrics, led to your worst nightmare, working on a project with him. Professor Park was so nice to pair you together because she wanted to see how your different points of view wouldâve worked in the song you had to write and produce and even if you smiled and said, âit will be really motivating,â to avoid yelling at her face, now you want to die.
Youâre sure the first two knocks on the door donât even reach the other side; your hits are too weak and the small apartment in that complex is too loud for anyone to hear. Is this the environment you have to work in today?
You roll your eyes and knock again, this time making sure itâs impossible for them not to hear you. You wait there only for a few seconds and then the door opens, revealing a boy your age you canât remember.
âOh, hi,â he cheers, big toothy smile beaming at you. âYou must be here for Hyuck, right?â
You hum, nodding and murmuring, âYes, I have to work on a project with Haechan.â
âCome in.â
You step inside the house and look around briefly before your eyes fall on the table in the small living room; there are books everywhere, headphones on the ground, boxes of food and empty water bottles, and most importantly talks too loud for four boys that were supposedly studying.
âMark, can you lower the music?â
âMusic is what Iâm studying, I canât,â the man you know well replies. âWhy donât you keep your pencil close to you? Jesus, thereâs graphite everywhere.â
âYouâre so annoying, I canât go in my room, Jeno still didnât take down the light boxes,â the brown-haired replies, sending a death glare to the boy at his side who quickly replies to his defence. Â
âHey, I finished shooting half an hour ago and now I have an essay to write, leave me alone.â
âTheyâre entertaining, arenât they?â Haechanâs voice brings you out of the haze of his bickering friends, their conversation fades in the background while your anger level rises just seeing his face when you turn around.
âSurely more entertaining than you,â you retort before taking a step forward, pretending to know where to go in that house.
Haechan rolls his eyes, thanking his friend who opened the door âJaeminâ and coming next to you. âYou donât know where my room is yet, so if youâd like to follow me.â
You trail behind him, waving at the men around the table but itâs clear that none of them even noticed your presence. Luckily for you, Donghyuckâs room is at the end of the corridor and the mess that goes down in the other room is not hearable enough to make your day a living hell.
âSo, do you have anything in mind?â He asks after you sit at one of the chairs at his desk.
You shake your head, fixing your skirt and pulling out some things you might need from your bag. âWanted to hear from you first. Since the melody is so crucial, we should start from that,â you mock in a fake-sweet tone, and you feel his glare on your skin.
âYou truly are a pain in the ass, you know?â He scoffs, moving his hair out of his face, gaze fixed on you.
âAnd for what? Because I agreed with your theory?â
âIf you have a melody in mind itâs easier to make the words flow.â
âIf the melody has nothing to do with the idea, you only have some notes and not a song.â
Now that there arenât rows of chairs dividing you, the heated argument has led you face to face, literally. And you feel your heart pound in your chest from the anger and, also because itâs weird to be this close to a stranger you canât stand.
âOkay, Miss Taylor Swift, why donât you enlighten me and show me what you got?â
You glare at him but heâs unfazed, holding the eye contact proudly. âMy lyrics will be better than your production.â
âAnd are those lyrics in the room with us?â
âGod,â you groan, throwing your hands in the air and your head back. âYou drive me insane.â
âAnd you are pretentious and still never prove all the things that that little, bratty, annoying mouth of yours says.â
Deep creases show on your forehead, and you have to turn around because if you see his face for a second more you will slap him. But you want this project done, you have four weeks to turn it in, but you want this torture to be over as soon as possible, so you know you have to put the pettiness aside.
âIf we want a great result and good grades, we need good lyrics and a good melody,â you say, calmly facing him again, slowly watching as his face softens. âMy words and your production. I donât care what comes to us first, if you think it can be useful, we could even brainstorm some tunes and catchphrases and then build it around it.â
âNow youâre making some sense,â he exclaims, smiling widely before patting the top of your head. âSo that head is not empty.â
âOh, seriously? Iâm trying to have a truce, and you fuck it all up again?â
âNo, sorry, I just think youâre really smart when it comes to college but a bit annoying when it comes to life.â
âYouâre just mad you canât beat me.â
âI can,â he retorts smugly. Â
âThen why donât you do it?â You tease, cocking your head to the side.
Haechan scoffs, lips twitching in a quick smirk before he wets them. âI didnât yet, but are you so sure I wonât?â He whispers, breath colliding with your lips and nose brushing yours, your brain doesnât even register his hands on your legs right away, only when his fingers caress your bare skin right above the hem you wake up from the haze of having him so close.
âTime will â time will prove us,â you say, turning to the desk and scratching your neck. âTime will tell us, not prove us.â
Haechan snickers, moving closer to see on your tablet where you opened the notes, and smiles smugly. He thinks he found a way to distract you.
The project isnât done in the first week, and to put a cherry on top, Professor Park decides to make it the big project for the end of the class, adding a cover for the single, a plan to sponsor it, and, if someone feels brave enough, even to record it. Even if you wanted to, a thing this big, and now with so much weight on the final grade, canât be done in one week.
Yet, you think youâll have to deal with Haechan only on your weekly meet-ups for that project and during lessons, you never imagined you would have to deal with him even during your library study on Wednesday.
âWhy are you studying in the middle of the week?â
âYou know, if I had to replicate a sound every time we start a conversation it would be âand now, I just want to sit back and relax and enjoy my evening, when all of a sudden I hear this agitating grating voice,â and that is the sound that plays in my mind, actually.â
âGrating? Really?â
âWell, itâs the quote but it fits,â you reply sternly, bringing your attention back to the book. âAlso, the question is not, why am I studying, but why arenât you? How will you beat me if you donât?â You wink, laughing under your breath. You donât even need to see his reaction; you know his jaw tenses and his nostrils flare for a brief second every time you tease him.
You hear the chair in front of you scratch on the floor, and deeply hope heâs not sitting on it. But Haechan is sitting on it, staring at you as if he could steal the information from your brain and pass it to his.
âI am studying.â
âNo, youâre not,â you reply, eyes widening when he rips a page from your notebook and a pen from your case. âSo, what have you learned since now?â
You fight the urge to roll your eyes to the sky and instead run a hand on your face while sighing deeply. Thereâs just no way to get rid of him, right?
âYou donât even know what Iâm studying.â
âSound design,â he replies promptly, and you look down to see if he couldâve gotten a grasp from your books but thereâs a paper on it and thereâs not much written on it. Haechan smiles and moves to the chair next to you. âItâs because I started it too, there are too many notions, it would be a suicide to wait for the finals.â
âOh, so you do something else other than think about me,â you tease, nudging him with your leg.
âHey! I donât think about you,â he replies firmly, frowning.
âSure,â you huff, waving him off. âSo, what do you know?â
âWell, all the basis we learnt last year, so the definition of sound, the path it follows, how itâs perceived based on the medium and how fast it travels through them, slowest through gases, faster through liquids, and fastest through solids, and that temperature effects it as well.â
You smile, content with the reply but you want to test him more. âWhat about the five characteristics of sound?â
ïżœïżœïżœYou think thatâs a difficult one?â He asks, almost disappointed at the easiness of your question.
âWell, if you want to impress me so bad, I could ask you to list all the types of compressors?â
âYou already know that?â He questions, quirking a brow, trying to think why he doesnât remember them. âWait, we didnât do that in class.â
You laugh. âSee, youâre witty. No, we havenât done that yet, but since you love producing so much, I thought you knew it as personal knowledge.â
âWhy do you talk as if you donât want to do the same job as mine?â Thereâs a bit of annoyance in his tone, but thereâs genuine curiosity in his eyes.
You shrug, pressing your lips together before diverting your gaze.
Haechan gasps. âDonât tell me you donât know what you want to do, yet, because I wonât believe it.â
âItâs not that I donât know,â you reply, a low huff leaving your lips. âIâd like to try different things out, being a PR manager sounds interesting too. And Iâm also pretty good at dancing, so that could be a career path.â
âItâs a shame we didnât start practical courses, I would love to see you dance.â
âYeah, sure, so you can mock me some more,â you groan.
He shakes his head. âNo, you wouldnât enroll in a program if you werenât absolutely perfect at it, so I canât come at your skills.â
âYouâre so kind, I think I might love you,â you mock, moving closer to him and pouting before pushing him away with a light push on his chest and focusing on your papers again.
âAnd by the way, I know the characteristics of sound,â he says, right next to your face. Â
You smile and think to yourself that this might be fun. âGood, go on and tell me.â
You donât get why Haechanâs roommate bicker so much. Not that you could lecture them when, as soon as you walk inside his room, your talks wonât be much different than theirs (worse, probably). But you think you and Haechan, at least, have a reason to fight so much. His roommates are⊠weird. They are close. They all are, in an annoying way almost, always moving in packs and breaking their back to meet up even if their institutes are scattered around in the Academy. Yet, they get heated pretty easily when they sit in the living room, and you can only blame it on stress as you chuckle, standing against the countertop with a glass of water in hand.
âDonghyuck left you all alone?â Jeno enters the kitchen, distracting you from Renjun screaming at his painting and Mark cursing while he tries to come up with a melody for a small assignment you decided to not worry about âyou have Haechan to worry about now.
âYep, told me to be here at 2 pm just to be in the shower instead,â you reply with a tight smile on your face that makes him laugh and scroll the black hair out of his face.
âMy fault,â he explains while pouring himself a glass. âI convinced him to stay at the basketball field when we finished and he couldnât meet up with you smelling like rotten leftovers forgotten under the august sun.â
âCreative writing?â You ask after you chuckle at his description.
âNope, photography, Renjunâs worst nightmare.â
You laugh. âItâs because you leave all those big things around his room, right?â
âOur room,â he says, empathising on the first word.
âOkay, communism king, your room but I donât think your comrade is happy about it.â
Jeno laughs, and hums before gulping down a sip of water. âIâm not rich yet to afford a studio so heâll have to deal with his bestie working, sweating, and crying his way to the top.â
âYou couldâve been a nepo baby and have everything handed to you.â
âSucks not to be one. I wouldnât even bother being in Uni, just leaving my best life with my camera and daddyâs money.â
âWhat the hell are you talking about?â Haechan says entering the kitchen, hair still damp and casual housewear on.
âNone of your business,â you reply, placing the glass in the sink and walking to the door. âCome on, we have a song to create. It could be our first Billboard number one.â
Haechan sighs, snatching the bottle of water from Jenoâs hand, briefly confused at his grinning face, and then follows you quickly.
âAre you trying to hit on my friends?â He asks, closing the door behind.
âWould you mind?â
âYes, Iâd hate having to deal with you in our group hangouts.â
âYou already deal with me. More than you should since you always come to me even when we could not be together,â you say, tilting your head to the side, and sitting on your assigned chair. âAre you perhaps jealous? Do you want me all to yourself?â
âNah, you can go and fuck all of them right noââ
âOkay,â you donât even let him finish and youâre at the door, but he springs after you and stops you.
âWhat are you doing? I was kidding!â
âWhy? Since when you can tell me what to do?â
Haechan groans and drags you back to your place, but he doesnât sit just yet, heâs bent over to be close to you. âI need you here with me to work on this goddam song, and then you can go and have a gangbang in the living room, I donât care.â
âYouâd be mad you wonât be part of it,â you joke, having the time of your life watching his pissed-off expression as he stomps loudly back at his place. âAccept that you will never win with me, and maybe you wonât be so triggered every time we talk.â
âShit, itâs late,â you murmur, lifting your head from the lyrics youâre trying to write down. Now you got the theme âitâs a love song that you hope wonât turn lameâ and even a faint idea of a tune, and while Haechan tried to get inspired by other songs and tried instruments he wants to add to the track, you worked on the words.
âDonât you think weâre trying too hard?â He whispers, placing the guitar on his bed before standing up and stretching.
âWhat do you mean?â You ask, lifting your neck so you can look at him after you turn around on the rotating chair.
âMusic should come to you, it should be⊠spontaneous.â
Youâd want to roll your eyes, mostly for the spontaneous part, but heâs right. Most artists donât think about the songs they make, the song comes to their mind when theyâre not thinking about it.
âYes, but do you think weâre doing such a shitty job with this?â
He shakes his head, walking closer to you. âNot totally, I just think that if we want to be on top, we have to work around it differently.â
You gulp when he hovers over you and grips the side of the chair tightly. âLike?â
âWe should⊠relax. Take our mind off of it and just wait for it to come,â he glances at the desk, studying the crumpled tries you gave up on and the only three phrases you were happy with written on the tablet. âWe should get inspired,â he whispers, and youâre once again so focused on his face that you donât feel his hand on your thigh, under the long black skirt youâre wearing, it surely mustâve been on you for a while if the fabric was already crumpled up and his fingers teased the hem of your panties between your hips and stomach.
âIs â is this how you inspire people?â You ask, glancing down with a rising chest but for some reason not pulling away.
âDonât know, Iâve never done it before,â he chuckles, slowly moving closer to your core, observing the small signs of your body. âShould we see if it works?â
You hate him. You should be working on that lyric for the last half hour you have left. You hate him. Heâs making it impossible for you to stick to your âminding my businessâ plan that had worked through all your school years. You hate him, you do, and yet you nod, humming a feeble âyes,â in response.
âGood,ïżœïżœ rolls out of his lips, and it sounds so different from his usual tone, you canât help but feel hot.
Your nails sink in the chair when his fingers slip right against your clit after he had your consent and starts teasing it.
âSo, itâs a love songâŠâ he says, and you frown, heart pumping louder as for a second you think he led you on and you looked like a pathetic horny loser, but his hand is still playing with your pussy and his face is still close to yours. âChose that because you have somebody in mind?â
âWe literally picked it for a reason last week, you ââ
âGod,â he shushes you up, pushing the panties to the side and teasing your entrance, itâs already damp, but not enough how he wants it. âCan you stop being so rational for once? I know why we picked it; remember Iâm trying to inspire you.â
âWait, you really think some fingering can inspire me to write a love soââ your words shut down when he places a hand on your mouth, eyes widening but pussy leaking an embarrassing amount of cum.
He quirks a brow in surprise and, shortly after, a smug smirk curls his lips. âOh, so youâre into that?â
You canât reply, but even if you couldâve, youâre not sure you wouldâve said anything.
âSo, anybody in mind?â
You shake your head. Your love life has been anything but exciting, and after a few tries, you were sure it wasnât what you needed to focus on, especially because nobody sparked your interest. Nobody was worth moving your focus from your studies.
âGreat, so I guess thatâll have to be me.â
âWhat?â You mutter muffled, closing your legs and moving on the chair.
Haechan rolls his eyes in his skull, keeping you in place. âOh, come on, you can fake it for a few minutes. Donât act disgusted, Iâm knuckle-deep inside you,â he says.
âNot yet.â
âIâm knuckle-deep inside you,â he retorts after he pushes into you with two fingers, staring right into your eyes.
You bite back a moan and a curse under your breath. âFine, but I donât want to think,â you say. âJust, prove it to me. If youâre good, Iâll be inspired and Iâll come up with the lyrics, if you suck, weâll go back to our original method.â
Haechan hates that he constantly has to prove things to you, and he hates even more that he does it, almost as if heâs your dog and he has to follow your orders while you keep him on a leash. But if this will work to come up with a great song, and in his outer-songwriting-course-plan to distract you, he wonât complain.
Honestly, he couldnât complain even if it only meant to finger you. He might want to fight you every time he sees your face but, damn, what a face.
âShit,â you moan. You donât want to give him too much satisfaction, but he knows what heâs doing and itâs been way too long since someone touched you like that. Damn, even since you touched yourself like that. Maybe the whole âstaring at your goalsâ was taking some funny things away from you.
âDo you want to turn the song into a Hozier song?â
You huff, you just asked him one thing and his mouth is running again doing the opposite. âYou wish you were this good to inspire a Hozier type of song.â
âReally?â He taunts, pressing his thumb on your clit, starting to tease the throbbing nub in circles.
âYes,â your voice trembles, but your face shows confidence.
Haechan snickers, quickening the pace of his fingers, watching you fight against yourself to not show how much youâre loving it. âOne second of this mouth on your pussy and Iâd make you change your mind,â he whispers right against your ears, hot breath fanning your skin. âItâs a shame you donât deserve it.â
You groan, head rolling back in disappointment, and that makes him laugh.
âYou have to think twice before running that mouth, babe. Especially with me.â
âNever,â you talk back, opening your eyes and regretting as soon as they meet his. His gaze is too intense, and your brain is too far gone to keep it up.
Haechan only grins, enjoying your wrecked face and the sounds your pussy is making as his fingers keep working on you. You might try to deny him, but your body is speaking to him, and deeply so are you. Itâs in your eyes, and your lips trembling, and in the beautiful moans that are rolling out of your tongue.
âAre you close, brat?â
You donât have it in you to complain, or retort, the orgasm is right around the corner and you fear he would ruin the experience if you said something out of line.
âAnswer me,â he orders, lightly slapping your thigh.
âYes,â you breathe out, biting your lower lip to prevent the whole house from hearing you.
âGood,â he replies, smiling proudly and starting to move faster in and out of you, hitting your sweet spot every time he reaches the base, and torturing your clit with his thumb. And when itâs too much for you, you come. Body trembling against the chair, and legs pushing up as the shocks of pleasure run through you.
âAcid when you talk but sweet to taste,â he hums after pulling out his fingers from his mouth and you only glare at him as you quickly try to get yourself together again.Â
âItâs late,â he says, staring at the clock. âGo home and let me know if this was useful somehow. And not by replaying it in your mind at night wishing I was there with you.â He winks and you slap his shoulder hard. âWhat the hell!â
âI wonât come up with anything on purpose, and I swear if you keep being so annoying, Iâll be terrible at this.â
âYou would never, this makes up like 80% of our final grade.â He challenges you with a glare. Â
âIf I go down, you go down with me,â you retort, face to face, fiercely looking into his eyes. Â
âItâs not smart of you.â
âIt doesnât have to be,â you smile sweetly before it drops from your face. âItâs a threat.â
Itâs not like youâre trying to avoid him after what happened, but thatâs exactly whatâs going on. You donât regret the act per se, you just canât believe it was so easy for you to agree to do that with him. And you know he will use it against you for eternity.
A very dumb move from your side to give him the possibility to tease you even more and about something you couldnât defend yourself from.
But if you try your best to change corridors when you see him from afar, walk quickly back to your dorm room, and sit on the opposite side in class (you fail at keeping your mouth quiet, but you need to discuss with him during lessons), it seems like heâs doing everything he can to be on your path.
âIâm starting to believe youâre a stalker,â you huff, clearly scaring him when you stop abruptly in the middle of the library and make him stop in his tracks.
âIâm not.â
You raise a brow, staring at him until he huffs and throws his hands up in the air. âFine, fine, I was following you but only because I wanted to know what you will study.â
âWhy do you care so much about what I study?â
âSo I know how to beat you?â
âIsnât it more exciting if you beat me only using your brain by putting some knowledge in it without seeing my cards?â You say, pushing a finger on his chest and making him walk backwards until his back hits the bookshelf behind him.
âI think sneaky games are funnier, though,â he whispers, hand moving to rest on your side. âEspecially with you.â
You scoff, rolling your eyes, and taking a step back, freeing yourself from his hold. âThe games youâre playing are not sneaky. Why are you always in my business?â
He shrugs. âWhy not? So, what are we studying today?â
âWe are not studying together.â
âWhy? Isnât it funny? The same study method, same hours, but one of us will be better than the other. Thatâs a truly equal comparison.â
You run a hand on your face and keep walking to find what you need. âIf you didnât distract me every two seconds, I wouldâve already been like five pages into my studying session.â
âOh, please, you are wondering around the library anyway. Iâm just keeping you company.â His body follows yours like a shadow, his heat radiating so close to your skin that you think you might go insane.
âI donât want your company,â you say, moving your eyes swiftly over the books in front of you as you try to find what you are looking for in the sociology section. When you finally find it, reminding yourself you have to buy it so you can annotate directly on yours, you walk back to your table, but Haechan is still beside you like a puppy on a string. âCanât you just leave me alone?â
âI could, and Iâd want to, but I canât,â he says, sitting at your side, smiling widely when you glare at him.
âThis is a useless lesson for you,â you try to dismiss him.
âIs it? Because we have the same ones.â
âJesus, okay, fine,â you give up, throwing your head back and raising your voice enough to make some heads turn in your direction. His biggest talent is to exasperate you. âBut we give ourselves a timing, and then when weâre done, weâll have to answer five questions.â
âAnd who answers to them all?â He asks, thereâs a taunting edge in his voice, and a grin on his face.
âIs the best,â you reply as if itâs obvious.
âYeah, but there should be a prize.â
âBeing better than you is the prize.â
Haechan scoffs, and he hates to admit in his mind that he finds your snarky remarks so fucking hot, if you werenât in a public library and if his job on earth wasnât to detest you, he wouldâve already had you bent on the table.
âI love how youâre always so sure of being better than me.â
You snicker and send him a flying kiss. âHoney, I am better than you.â
âWait, I just left out a detail!â You almost scream when you compare your answers for the nth time because you canât believe he has done slightly better than you.
âThat detail is important,â Haechan replies unfazed by your indignation.
âNo, itâs not. We would have the same score if this was graded,â you insist, feeling more angered than you should. Itâs nothing serious, it shouldnât be serious, but with him, thereâs your pride on the line.
âBut this is between me and you, so I win. Also, my phrasing in the second answer is better than yours.â
âShut up, itâs not.â
âIt is, and you just have to admit you lost,â he insists, leaning over, staring at you with a challenging raised brow. Â
You swallow, eyebrows furrowing, and then you sigh. âYour advantage is minimal. And you only won a battle, because Iâm winning a war.â
âFine, Napoleon, I still won and youâre coming to my place even Saturday so we can do this some more.â
âHey, Napoleon sucked! He lost the most important battles, the only ones he shouldâve won.â
âThatâs why I called you that,â he winks, clicking his tongue mockingly. Â
âOh, you think you will win the war? Youâre wrong, honey, Waterloo is yours.â
Haechan laughs, standing up after putting his things in his bag. âIâm waiting for you on SaturdayâŠâ he says and before you can complain he starts singing, âWaterloo, I was defeated, you won the warâŠâ
âOh, shut up!â You say, hitting his arm as you push him away, but he giggles and walks away continuing with the tune.
âWaterloo, promise to love you forevermore. Waterloo, couldnât escape if I wanted toâŠâ
And you think that if only he didnât try to sabotage your final grades in Music History, you might even find him funny.
Haechan hates you.
If he was sure he didnât before, he is sure that he does now.
He canât wrap his head around the fact that you, Miss zero social skills, and negative 100 friends, can be so good at debating. On every fucking topic. Youâre well-spoken, witty, smart, somehow it looks like you know everything about everything. And even when you donât know (and you always specify it â which he shouldnât find so hot, but he does) you always come up with perfectly thought theories and analyses coming from the small knowledge you have on the topic. The thing he also hates is that you never sound like youâre showing off your skills, itâs just really nice to listen to you and âwhen heâs not the one intervening against youâ youâre the sweetest person ever and everybody in every class absolutely adores you.
He wonders if youâre a robot. Maybe youâre some sort of artificial intelligence sent there to conduct studies on humansâ stupidity, and he was unlucky enough to start a fight with you. You just donât seem real. And heâd love to dig deeper but he doubts he will find anything relevant.
You might be smart, but you also look incredibly boring. He tried to find out if you had interests, or anything that could distract you, but his research led nowhere. The biggest problem is that he hates you, but not to the point that he wants to get you suspended from University, so he has to find another way to make you slip.
Apparently, youâre playing the same game, but even at this, you are thinking faster and smarter.
âWhere the fuck are all my anthropology notes?â Haechan mutters as he looks through his library, moving books and notebooks around, thinking he has gone insane. âMark!â He screams, rushing to the desk to search again but he knows where he left everything; on the second shelf of the small library in his room, on top of the music theory book that hasnât moved since a week.
âYes?â His housemate peaks from the door only with his head.
âDid you mistake our notes?â
âWhat notes?â Mark furrows, backing away from his friend who looks out of his mind.
âThe anthropology notes,â he says, voice full of annoyance because, why does Mark never know anything? Heâs in the same course and, yet, heâs always somewhere else with his head.Â
âMan, I donât even take notes during that lesson.â
âWhat do you mean you donât? Ugh, never mind,â Haechan groans, rolling his eyes because he canât believe he canât count on anybody. âHave you seen them somewhere?â
âNope,â Mark replies, entering the room. âI mean, I donât know what they look like.â
âYou know right we have a test tomorrow? The winter break is close, and some courses have it. You are studying, right?â
âYeah, just not everyâŠthingâŠâ
Haechan rolls his eyes, shaking his head. âWhy donât you like it? I mean, I know itâs not really music related but it teaches you so much about other cultures and thereâs a whole part about how music is different from culture to culture.â
âNext semester, we didnât get there, yet. Itâs a bunch of complicated terminology and theories I just donât get,â Mark defends. He never understood why Haechan loved studying so much. He is only there for the music, and a few other theoretical lessons, but some courses donât make any sense to him. Â
âSo you plan on being terrible tomorrow?â
âI just want a decent result; I donât strive for perfection like you and your girlie.â
Haechan almost chokes on his saliva. âMy girlie? Whoâs my girlie?â
âThat girl in class you always get into heated arguments with, and then she comes here and Iâm pretty sure you make out when no oneâs watching,â Mark says so calmly it infuriates Haechan more than if he was teasing him. Â
âShut the hell up! Sheâs my mortal enemy and while you have been paired with Yangyang for the song project, Professor Park thought it was nice putting her and me together.â
âYeah, you can still make out with your mortal enemy,â he snorts, hitting his friend with a playful elbow hit. Â
âMark, shut up and leave, I have to study,â he tries to cut short, pushing his friend out of the room. Â
âWith what notes?â
âI donât know. I left them on the shelf, and nobody entered my room since Saturday when she â Oh, my God.â
When your name resonates in the empty classroom after youâve taken the anthropology test, your blood freezes for a second.
âHaechannie,â you cheer cheekily, turning around and pushing your tote bag far up your shoulders.
âDonât,â he warns, lifting a finger to stop you from starting anything. âI have to talk to you.â
âSure, the test was easy, right? You might have beaten me this time,â you say but you have to hold back a laugh when you scan his furious, pissed-off expression.
âYeah, if you studied, it was,â he retorts venously. Â
âAnd you surely studied,â you say, faking innocence. Â
âYou can study when you have something to study on,â he says through gritted teeth.
âYes, and you do,â you still play dumb, but when he calls your surname, you know heâs not joking anymore. âYes?â
âDo you, perhaps, know where the fuck my notes are?â
You look around, shrugging. âWhere are your notes, Donghyuck?â
âI donât know, Iâm asking you for a reason,â he retorts, plastering a fake smile that doesnât reflect in the darkness of his pupils.
âThey mightâve mixed up with my stuff when you invited me over Saturday?â You sing-song, tilting your head to the side and shrugging.
âMightâve,â he repeats, a hint of bitterness in his tone. âIt was just a coincidence.â
You shrug again, pushing your lower lip in a pout. âSometimes⊠things happen.â
âAnd if it wasnât on purpose, why couldnât you just text me?â
âBecause I didnât notice,â you reply innocently, batting your lashes, knowing it will get on his nerves even more. Â
He groans, closing his eyes to calm himself down before he speaks again, âthen how do you know?â
âDonât know, just making assumptions,â you say. âIt turns out Iâm really good at it.â
âI swear, I â I want to⊠I want to ââ
âTo what? Choke me because I got my revenge? Oh, it turns out itâs really not that funny when someone plays with you?â You mock, and in doing so you get closer to him.
âGoddamn,â he groans before your back meets the hard wall of the room and his lips meet yours in a heated kiss, his hands on your body and yours limp at your side as youâre too shocked to react. âI want to â I want to kill you, actually.â
You smirk, chuckling straight at his face. âFilled the space with the wrong letter, âcause youâre kissing me.â
âMaybe my kiss is lethal, maybe thereâs poison on my lips.â
âOh, youâre so romantic youâd die for me?â You coo, placing a hand on your heart.
Haechan groans, throwing his head back. âWhy are you always so, so, so, God,â he curses, running his fingers in his hair. âI want my notes back, now.â
âI donât have them,â you say, grinning because he looks wrecked. You know it wasnât very morally mature for you, but it was only fair. Also, you know he doesnât arrive last minute with anything, he had already studied everything and youâre sure he had answered everything on that paper, he just couldnât revisit.
âMy notes back when you pass by for the project or itâs war.â
âItâs already war,â you retort when he walks past you to leave. Â
Haechan turns around, locking his gaze with yours. âOh, honey, it can get so much worse than this.â
You felt like testing your luck when his notes werenât back on his desk, but you had no idea it could get worse than that, until it got.
When he deleted an essay from your computer and you had to remake and finish the work of five days in five hours, so you cancelled a project he was working on for another assignment you had. And then he erased the recording of a course from your phone, so you ripped his notebook in front of his eyes (and his roommates too). The list of petty things is long, and youâre not really proud (youâre sure not even Haechan is) of what you did, especially when things started becoming personal. You two want to destroy each other, but you are honestly just killing yourselves in the meantime.
Your book slams closed so hard that you almost zip your hands in it, and by protecting your fingers you lose track of where youâve been. âGet lost,â you whisper bitterly as soon as you recognize the hand that did that.
âNo thanks,â he replies, sitting next to you.
âIâm trying to read a book in the quiet of the library, so can you leave me alone?â
âItâs a public space, I can sit wherever I want,â he replies, leaning back into the chair, and widening his legs under the table. You know âcause you feel his knee push against yours and you have to retract your leg to avoid the contact. Â
You glare at him, breathing deeply through your nose because you canât make a scene here. You two almost got kicked out of a class two days ago, and that was humiliating enough. So, you think that ignoring him is the best thing you can do.
âWow, so you have a bit of self-control and donât talk back. Never thought Iâd see that day,â he replies sarcastically to your silence with an amused grin that curls his lips.
You hold back a scream and huff loudly, âI truly need you to get fucked right now.â
âNevermind,â he jokes, pulling a tight forced smile and you close the book again, now too annoyed to even focus on the words on the paper. âI came here in peace, by the way.â
âYeah, your peace is war in my country,â you reply bitterly, trying to shift away but those damn chairs make the loudest sounds at the smallest movements. Â
âThatâs because youâre full of prejudices.â
You inhale deeply, rubbing your temple to soothe the headache you know is about to arrive. âHaechan, tell me what you want and then leave me alone.â
He smiles, happy you are finally willing to listen, before he clears his throat. âOkay so, I have to say that some of this is funny. I mean, only the debates and these random talks, but Iâm not the biggest fan of all the other stuff weâre doing, so why donât we bring it back?â
âBring it back? As in?â You question, raising a brow in confusion.
âI liked it better when we would just compete without tearing ourselves down. If you cancel, ruin, or save one of my projects with the word boobs in it before sending it to the professor another time, I will go insane.â
You hold back a chuckle. You have to admit it was your lowest move, but it was quite funny when Professor Choi had a whole talk in class about being careful before sending out finished projects and exposed him in front of the class.
âNo, it wasnât funny,â he mutters sternly, watching you fight with all the muscles of your face to donât break into a laugh.
âNo, sorry, it was,â you defend, voice trembling, threatening a chuckle to come out. âLike Iloveboobsdemo1 is the best thing Iâve ever come up with. That could be the title of our song.â
âIf you want to get expelled from all the academies in the world that would be a perfect idea,â he says, trying to be serious because seriously it wasnât funny, but when you stare into each otherâs eyes for too long none of you two can hold back the laughter anymore. âOkay, fine. It was funny, but I donât want that to happen again.â
âSo? Do you give up?â You taunt, tilting your head after placing it on your palms.
âIâm not giving up, we are changing strategies of our combat.â
âOh, okay. You will lose anyway in the end, so if this can be more beneficial for me in the meantime, itâs fine.â
He sighs, rubbing his temples, and you chuckle. âDonât laugh,â he whispers distraught. âI⊠could you sometimes at least pretend to give me some kind of chance of winning with you and not feeling like youâll always have the last laugh?â
âI just replied.â
âNo, a reply wouldâve been âYes, Haechan, donât worry, we can change it.â
âToo wordy,â you comment, waving him off with a movement of hand.
âYou said like ten words more,â he replies, voice breaking in his throat in a whine, but you decide to act as if you donât notice. Â
âIt still flowed better. See, thatâs why the lyrics are in my hands. Youâre really not good with words.â
âYou keep doing that,â he groans, slamming a hand on the table, attracting some curious eyes on you before you glare them away. âBut itâs fine, okay, so⊠no more dirty games? No more sabotaging?â
âYes, no more. Well, not like this, but we can still play a bit, right?â You ask, retracting your hand right when youâre about to hold his to seal the deal.
âYes, but nothing weird, or you know what I mean.â
You hum, reaching out again and shaking his hand. âItâs a deal, then?â
âItâs a deal.â
The deal somehow turns into Haechan always being next to you. Heâs like a shadow, sitting next to you in class, studying with you in the library, and so on. You donât mind him when he minds his business, but he rarely does. Especially during lessons when you need to focus on what the professors are saying.
You roll your eyes when Haechan sneaks a paper next to your notebook and you read âhow would a dog wear pantsâ with two badly drawn different options on it.
âDoes it look like the right moment?â You whisper under your breath, side-eyeing him, and trying to keep your focus on the lesson. You see him nod and decide to mark the second option, thinking that heâd be happy with it, but he has the urge to hear a whole dissertation on something that will never happen, right now.
âWhy?â He asks as if youâre not in the middle of a lecture.
âNot now.â
âBut this lesson is boring,â he whines, poking your side with his elbow. Â
You huff, covering it with a cough when you realize it is too loud, and then take a sip from your bottle of water.
âYou didnât answer,â Haechan insists, this time poking your arm with the cap of the pencil.Â
âI picked one,â you mutter, pointing at the paper with your head. Â
âElaborate and change my mind.â
âYou think itâs the first one?â You say in disbelief, the utter shock causing the tone of your voice to be louder than you expected.
âAny problems there?â The Professor asks, and you feel your blood freeze.
âMh, no, nothing, my pen has no more ink, I was asking for another one,â you lie, thanking God you two are sitting far in the back of the class and the Professor canât hear and canât see that your pen isnât dead at all. So, with a suspicious nod, the middle-aged man goes on with the lecture while Haechan giggles beside you.
You glare at him, and he shrugs raising his hands. âIf you kept quiet, it wouldnât have happened.â
âIf you let me concentrate on the lesson instead of asking dumb questions, it wouldnât have happened,â you retort, and he laughs under his breath again, but doesnât ask more questions. He still ruins your notes with ugly flowers and other drabbles and you let him be because at least heâs being silent and paying attention.
âSo, you really are giving up,â you say when the bell rings and the class starts emptying.
âWhat makes you think that?â He asks, putting his things in his bag, just like you.
âYou didnât write anything down.â
Haechan shrugs. âWhy would I? I have your notes.â
âNo, you donât,â you say but before you can realize he rips the notebook from your hands and snaps a picture of the two pages you wrote. âHey! Thatâs not fair. Thatâs my work.â
âYour amazing summarizing skills and my artistic skills. I donât gift beautiful sunflowers to just anybody.â
âBeautiful sunflowers?â You snicker, starting to walk down the stairs, pushing the notebook into your bag as Haechan follows at your side. âIf Renjun saw them he would have a heart attack.â
âCanât compare Vang Gogh to Picasso.â
âKeep Picasso out of your mouth,â you say threateningly.
âStill, arenât you happy you will think of me while studying?â He bats his lashes, and you hold back an entertained grin.
âCanât wait to go through the absolute most painful ulcers every time I glance down on those things.â
He gasps offended, bringing a hand on his chest. âSee, this is what happens when you spend all your days on socials and your brain doesnât know how to appreciate real art anymore.â
âYou are so annoying, and distracting. Next time if you sit next to me, Iâll push you off the chair,â you warn, and only when a colder blow of wind hits you, you realize youâre walking back to your places together.
âRight!â He says and you think itâs the good time he leaves you alone, but no, heâs not done. âYou didnât explain why the dog would wear it only on its hind legs.â
âIs it really that serious? Why do you want to know so badly?â
âItâs funny. Iâm sick and tired of hearing you only discuss music, sociology, and the media and other stuff.â
You sigh. But you still have a bit to walk, so you might as well have to deal with him and his hypothesis about dogs. âBecause pants have to cover your lower body, so legs, and ass and everything else. If you wear them like the first option, half of the ass is out. And also, the back limbs correspond to our legs, weâre divided in half horizontally, not vertically.â
He doesnât reply right away, processing your answer. And you think you broke him.
âOh!â You exclaim. âZootopia, animals wear clothes like the second picture.â
âReally? You had a whole statement that made perfect sense and then you added a cartoon to your thesis?â
âBut it still makes sense,â you argue back. âAnd, most importantly, I made you agree with me,â you wink before stopping when you reach your complex.
âFine, fine, youâre right,â he gives up before looking behind you. âYou live here?â
You nod, searching for the keys in the tote bag, and you think itâs time to stop pretending thatâs Mary Poppinsâ bag and throw away some useless stuff.
âI thought there were only rooms here,â he states, looking at the big complex a few meters away from the university. Â
âThere are common dormitories, and then there are some one-room flats. I got one with a scholarship when I graduated. Itâs less expensive than an apartment and I get a small place all to myself.â
âOh,â he whispers. He doesnât know why he thought you had roommates. âSo, youâre alone, alone?â
âNo, you canât come in,â you say.
âI didnât ask that,â he frowns, offended you would even imply that. âI thought you⊠well, oh, never mind.â
âYes, Iâm alone, so I can do whatever the hell I want. If I want to cook, I cook. If I want to stay up all night to study, I do that. If I want to dry the clothes in the middle of the living room, that is also the bedroom and the kitchen, I do that.â
âIs it really that small?â
âItâs decent, I guess. Itâs spacious enough to live in it comfortably but not big to the point I have to waste days cleaning it.â
âMaybe we could study there, no loud roommates screaming in the living room.â
âI like the mess of your place, and Iâll be there Friday.â
Haechan rolls his eyes. âCome on, I hate the library. Canât we for once study at your place?â
âI never invited you to my studying sessions,â you groan.
âBut you love it.â
âNo.â
âYes, you have an orgasm every time you know something better than me.â
âPlease, shut up,â you wave him off, starting to walk away.
âI donât care, Iâll be here tomorrow,â he screams when youâre too far, clearly running away from him. Â
âAnd Iâll be at the library!â
You never go to the library, to be honest, you were just unlucky enough that the washing machine thought it was the right moment to leak all over the floor and Haechan found you at home with your coat on the couch, the tote bag next to the door and your jeans half soaked as you tried to fix the mess on the pavement.
From that moment, your meet-ups become more and more periodic, whether itâs at your place, his or at the library. You hate to admit it, but the competition drives you forward, and you love seeing his face every time you defeat him somehow.
âAre you busy this Saturday?â He asks while he strums with the guitar to come up with a chord progression for your song.
âYeah, why?â You reply, poking the cap of the pen to your cheeks, drifting your eyes on him.
âWant to go out with me?â
âWhat? Saturday is my day to study and do my things like I want to,â you say. It was the only day, along with Sunday, you had to fix all your notes without being wrecked from the lessons of the day, or listen to lessons while cleaning the house, and so on. You tried to squeeze everything there so Sunday could be your free day and you could dedicate it to your hobbies and to write for the magazine you worked for, nothing too serious, just some money to add to the survival costs that your parents would send you, and the monthly entrance you had when you would get called to help a dance studio downtown.
âGreat, weâre going out tomorrow.â
You huff, slumping back on the chair. âNo, weâre not. Iâm busy.â
âYou can take one afternoon for me,â he replies, placing the instrument next to him. âCome on, it will be fun.â
âWhere would you even take me?â
Haechan smirks. âItâs a surprise.â
When Saturday afternoon arrives, you donât know how to feel. You spent the whole night trying to find a positive thing about it, and the good thing is that for once you are leaving the house to do something funny âyou hoped soâ not all by yourself. The bad thing is that the person you are going to do this thing with is Haechan.
You try not to worry about it too much, heâs not that bad when he wants to, and heâs funnier than youâd like to admit, so maybe taking a small break from the obsessive studying and tidying, will do you some good.
When you hear the knocks on the door, you grab your coat and your bag and head to open it.
âHi,â he says. âAnything to fix before we leave?â
âDonât say that, they will hear you and break all together.â
Haechan laughs, briefly looking at your body, mostly covered because itâs still cold outside and you have way too many layers on you. âToy Story for home appliances?â
âYeah, that would be my life,â you reply, closing the door behind you and walking outside of the complex. âSo, where are you taking me?â
âI told you, itâs a surprise,â he says. âDonât expect anything big, I just donât want to hear you nag about it.â
âHey, I appreciate almost everything.â
âYeah, itâs the almost that worries me,â he says. âHop in the car.â
âYou have a car?â
âYeah, itâs right in front of your eyes,â he answers, gesturing to the space next to you. Â
You turn around, holding back a laugh when you see the old blue car, itâs surely a Hyundai, you have no idea about the model, but you know for sure itâs falling apart. âThis is the car?â
âYes, Iâm sorry Iâm poor.â
âIt will get us killed,â you say opening the door, letting out a breath of relief when the handle doesnât stay in your hold.
Haechan rolls his eyes and sits in. âCan you donât be overdramatic for one second?â
âIâm stating facts. Are the airbags still working? Is the oil level high enough? The battery? And the water for ââ Your eyes widen when his lips crash on yours. At first, itâs a harsh attempt to shut you up, but then his lips shily go for more, moving along yours with a small flame of need.
âI wonât kill you, but please shut up,â he begs when he pulls away, sooner than you want to, later than he shouldâve. Â
You gulp, trying to shake the dizziness and the way his kiss made you feel lightweight. You might occasionally still want to wrap your hand around his neck but heâs quite good at being a charmer.
âIâm giving you the privilege to pick the music,â he says once youâre on the open road, the lights of the city shine against the windows and the other cars pass beside you.
âYeah, can I connect my Spotify to the car? Oh, wait, this model from the future directly brings the singers into your backseats so you can have a live concert,â you joke after seeing the car radio. Â
âWanted to take the metro?â
You laugh. âNo, Iâm just⊠why did you say that as if I could connect the aux or the Bluetooth? It was funny.â
âFine, youâre forgiven,â he says. âJust play it through your phone.â
You hum, already deep into the scrolling of your music catalogue. âCan I put my driving playlist?â
âYou have a car?â
âNo, I have a driving playlist.â
âWhy would you have a driving playlist if you donât have a car?â
âBecause right now it comes useful,â you wink, pressing play without waiting for his answer.
Haechan smiles, quickly glancing at you before his attention is fully on the road. âBaekhyun?â He asks with surprise when the second song starts. âYou listen to Baekhyun?â
âEverybody should listen to him,â you reply, already getting defensive because his next words could be the last straw of your ârelationship.â
âOh God,â he whispers.
âIf you tell me youâre a hater Iâm jumping out of the running car and changing the trajectory of your life forever,â you warn, turning to the side to have a better view of him.
âMe? A Baekhyun hater? Heâs my father! I just canât believe you have some sort of sense and taste.â
You slap his shoulder, making the both of you break into a light-hearted laugh.
âYou scared me for a second,â you say, placing your hand on your beating heart. Â
âSorry. So, it turns out we have one thing in common,â he jokes, creases creating at the corner of his eyes as his features soften and a genuine smile blooms on his face.
You shrug. âI mean, we have many things in common, actually. Thatâs why we get along so badly. Maybe itâs true, opposite attracts and thatâs why we donât attract.â
âI think we do attract⊠proved it a few times.â
âOnce,â you reply immediately.
âTwice, with the kissâŠâ
âYou did that to shut me up.â
âI donât shut up justâŠâ anybody⊠âI felt like kissing you.â
You smirk, loving watching him struggle. âNothing wrong to admit you find me attractive,â you tease.
âUnfortunately, your mouth ruins everything.â
âMy mouth is the thing that attracts you the most about me, or else you wouldnât keep lingering around me like bees on honey.â
âBees make honey, theyâre not attracted to it. Bears are.â
âYeah, you look like a bear, you know?â
He glares at you, and you laugh. âBears are cute.â
âAnd attracted to honey.â
âAnd do I look like honey?â You ask teasingly. âWait! You always call me honey!â
âItâs a mockery honey, not a sweet honey. Youâre not my honey.â
You think about it. âYouâre not my honey⊠could be a line of our song.â
âNo academy talking today. Itâs forbidden. You have to forget about uni.â
âFine, Iâll forget about it just for today.â
The dates with Haechan, you can call them dates, right? Well, anyway, whatever they are, they become more common. At first, you tried to reject his weird, most of the time, last minute, proposal, because they would throw in the air all of your plans, but after a while, you somehow still found a way to go back on track without screwing up your academic goals.
âWhy donât you stay?â Haechan asks. Itâs another Friday afternoon, and you two met up to go on with the songâs project. Much to your dismay, you have to admit you are the one whoâs holding you two back. Itâs like words canât come out of you, not like you want to, at least. But Haechanâs not mad at you. Actually, you like the atmosphere around you when you lock in his room for those sessions. One time, he even made you try edibles to see if you could come up with something, but you ended up making out on the floor instead, so you stopped going for that path.
âI donât know,â you say, huffing when you glance at the words in front of you and remind yourself that they donât make sense. âI was thinking of going home and maybe listening to your tracks andâŠâ
âCome up with something?â He drags the chair closer to you and steals your papers to read them. âItâs not as bad as you made it to be.â
âYeah, itâs a good song, but itâs basic. And I feel like itâs a bit⊠clichĂ©.â
âYou do know that everything has already been written?â He jokes, but itâs not a teasing remark, itâs the truth, and heâs genuinely trying to lift your spirit. Â
âI know, but itâs not my style, this is not how I usually write, I ââ
âYou write?â He stops you and only then you realize what you said. âLike, you have written songs before?â
You nod, shame pervading you when he stares at you with an expression you canât comprehend. âAre you going to make fun of me?â
âNo, I just thought you preferred lyrics over production, but I had no idea you were a lyricist.â
âNow, lyricist⊠I try, sometimesâŠâ
Haechan smirks, poking your tummy making you cover it with your arms. âSo there is something youâre insecure about.â
âOh, I knew you were going to have a ball about this,â you groan, rolling your head back.
âNo, hey, itâs just⊠Iâve never seen you like this about something you do. You are confident, usually,â he explains with no hint of mockery in his voice.
You sigh, looking at your feet tapping the ground and then look back at him. âItâs just⊠very personal,â you confess. âI think itâs clear I donât have lots of friends. I used to, back at home, but here Iâm alone. But even back then Iâve always felt like there was something I couldnât completely let out. Thatâs why I love dancing, I can express myself in a different way, but I found out it still wasnât enough and when I started playing the piano again I⊠started writing. It started almost as a joke, and it was a cheesy break-up song when my ex cheated on me, like the cheap version of drivers license,â you joke and he laughs with you.
âBut it was still better than this, I guess?â
You hum, shaking your head. âNah, my first song was a mess, but then it was like I just couldnât stop writing, so my songs became my diary. Every time something happens, I write about it.â
He hums, moving the chair closer until your legs intertwine. âSo, to write a love song you would need to fall in love?â
Youâre taken aback by his question, and donât reply right away. âNo, I just need to be inspired. Iâll watch some movies, and it will come to me.â
His face twists in mild disgust as he shakes his head. âMovies are fake, itâs better to live things on your skin.â
âI donât have time to date, and I canât just find someone that easily,â you say laughing. âBut donât worry, I wonât make us fail. Iâll try to edit this and make it work if I really canât come up with anything else.â
Haechan is not convinced, itâs clear in his face and the way his leg is bouncing nervously, but he doesnât get back on the conversation. âAre you staying?â
âI have some notes to edit and ââ
âYou have tomorrow,â he cuts you off. âCome on, I have to do it too.â
You groan, hating the way you canât say no to his big eyes staring at you. âFine, but not too much.â
Itâs useless to say that none of you get those notes written better.
âGod, are you fucking Professor Kim?â Haechan growls, grabbing your wrist and stopping you in the college corridors right out of Music History class, the last lesson of Tuesday.
âWhat?â You babble out, surprised by his angry tone and his speculation.
âNo cause youâre his favourite and itâs driving me insane,â he utters under his breath, glaring at you.
âIâm his favourite?â You tease, tilting your head to the side, loving the fire that turned on between you two. It had been three calm months, the bickerings were too intellectual and you missed this.
âYeah, I gave him the exact same answer and he found the tiniest thing to say I wasnât right, just so he could hear yours instead and praise you.â
âOh, poor baby boy, Professor Kim didnât give you head pats and now youâre mad?â You pout, patting his head in a mockery gesture.Â
Haechan groans, throwing his head back, and pushing you into the nearest empty class, closing the door behind.
âHaechan, what are yââ
âShh,â he says, shushing you with a stern gaze and a squeeze of your wrist. âYou passed by his office the other day, didnât you? Needed extracurricular help âcause you didnât understand something,â he mocks with a high-pitched voice. âTaught you how to play his flute in a historically accurate way?â
Youâd love to laugh at his terrible blowjob-music reference but when his gaze darkens, you only chuckle, and thatâs enough to drive him mad.
âGod, for you is just a game, isnât it?â
âYou really think I fucked Professor Kim?â
âNo, but Iâm pretty sure he fantasizes about having you bent over his desk and, fuck, it drives me mad.â
âYou wish he fantasized about having you bent on his desk?â You joke, smirking.
He groans. âNo, I hate the way he looks at you, and talks to you, the last thing he had to do today was to call you a good girl in front of the whole class.â
Your lips curl in an amused grin, but your heart âand something elseâ flutter at the way he says âgood girl,â you try not to show it and go on with your teasing. âNot my fault Iâm good, and Iâm interested in his subject.â
âYour fault you lick his boots,â he groans, pushing you flat against the door, standing so close to your nose. âI know youâre smart and you donât need to ride a dick to be first in class butâŠâ he stops, inhaling your scent, and leaning against your forehead.
You lift his head with two fingers under his chin, and lean in, whispering, âyou still want to see me bent over a desk, and you want to be the one railing me, isnât it?â
He doesnât reply, not verbally at least. The only answer is a guttural moan and two arms lifting you, making your legs wrap around his waist as he kisses you roughly.
âHyuck,â you moan into the kiss when he starts walking toward the desk, sitting you on the edge.
âYeah?â
âWe canât â we â this is, we can get expelledâŠâ
He snickers. âBe quiet and nobody will even hear us.â
âWhat if they lock us inside?â
âShut up,â he groans again, kissing you another time as his bag drops on the floor. âYou drive me so fucking mad, you have no idea.â
You snicker under your breath, but your heart loses a beat when his hands roam on your thighs, moving closer and closer to your heat. âWait,â you whisper.
âWait, what?â He hums, cupping your chin and lowering your head, staring straight into your eyes. Haechan scoffs when your thighs squeeze against each other and he can see you gulping. âDonât act like you donât want this,â he whispers, leaning closer to your lips, making you believe heâll kiss you, but you only get a taste of his thumb rubbing over your full lips, âdonât act like you donât want me.â
âHaechan!â You scream when he rips off your tights, the tear of the fabric resonating in the room as you look down in shock. âIâm gonna kill you,â you groan but heâs not bothered in the slightest.
âThey were getting in the way, and I get rid of everything that gets in my way,â he says with a smirk.
You laugh mockingly. âThen why am I still here?â
His brows furrow and a small pout forms on his face but he shrugs it off. âIâm taking care of you, I told you,â he groans, kissing you harshly. âYouâre not winning the war.â
âOh, and your military strategy is to fuck me?â
âYeah, until you forget everything.â
You huff loudly when he finishes ripping the tights from your legs, the only pieces left the ones trapped in your shoes, and youâre glad the skirt is long enough to donât make you freeze on the way back home.
âSo much better,â he says proudly, staring at his work of art, letting his hands wander on your now bare skin. âAnd, now, letâs find out if thereâs a way to shut you up.â
You look at him in anticipation, waiting for his next move as if your life depends on it. And you hate to be so eager, you hate you fantasized on it more than you shouldâve, but you want to know what his lips feel like. And itâs almost as if Haechan hears your secret thoughts.
âWhat do you want, sweetheart?â He taunts, kneading his fingers on your flesh.
âNothing,â you mutter, trying to sound more confident than what you are.
Haechan laughs at you, shaking his head as he slowly gets on his knees, looking up at you. âYou are always so fucking proud and annoying.â His hands rest on your knees before he pushes them far apart, forcing you in place as you uselessly try to close your legs. He tsk, shaking his head. âDonât act ashamed, Iâve already felt you, and tasted you.â
You donât reply. Itâs hard to keep eye contact but this is bigger than sex, this is a game between you two and, he might not beat you in class, but heâs beating you right now.
His laugh brings you back to earth and you hate the smug smirk thatâs sitting on his face. âSo you do get quiet, thought I needed to give you a taste of my mouth to shut you up.â
You open your mouth to retort but the stern glare that flashes on his face is enough to put you back in your place.
âGood girl,â he says and your body trembles before you can even try to hide it. âShould I get a better taste of you?â He stares at you, waiting for an answer that doesnât come, not like he wants to at least. âUse your words, babe. You know how to run that mouth when you want to, so, beg for it.â
âFuck, no,â you retort, trying to move away but his hold on you doesnât give any signs of loosening up.
âOkay, then,â he says, slowly standing up, and grabbing his bag. âSee you around.â
âWhat?â You squeal, grabbing his wrist. âWhat are you doing?â
âLeaving,â he replies, shrugging.
âThatâs not fair,â you reply, and he snickers.
âWhat? Are you wet? Do you want me?â
You donât expect that reply and struggle to find the words, even more now that heâs standing between your open legs, keeping them apart, and his eyes are staring down at you, pinning you down in place. âI donât want you,â you lie, swallowing the gulp in your throat when his right hand sits on your waist. âI just⊠I want to fuck.â
âOh, do you? Well, there are plenty of people here, Iâm sure many of them would want you. You know, even if you donât pay attention to anybody, people look at you,â he whispers, caressing your jaw with his other hand. âFirst on the list is Professor Kim. Donât you want to feel the thrill? Come on, go to his office now, so I can have something to hold against you forever.â
You chuckle. âYeah? Want to blackmail me so I can do all the essays for you? Maybe youâll get the best grades like this,â you tease, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt and making him groan.
He licks his lips, staring at yours, and you smirk. âI donât need you to be first, and you know it.â Â
âDo I?â you tease. âWant to be first at something?â
âDonât,â Haechan warns, eyes darkening even more while the tent in his tight pants becomes even more evident.
âWhat? You can be the first one who fucks me on a desk if you quit playing hard to get.â
âIâm not playing hard to get,â he replies, leaning even closer, your bodies are pressed together and you can feel his hard dick press against you. âI wonât be the one begging, especially to eat you out,â he groans, cupping your chin unexpectedly. âDonât act as if you didnât think of this before. Iâve seen the way you get lost in my fingers when we study together. You see me twirl a pen in my hand and you wish I was inside you, donât you? And when we argue? Thereâs always a small fragment where you lose focus and stare at my lips. Where do you want them, honey?â
Your brows furrow but your entire body reacts differently, a small shake, while wetness pools down your panties, soaking them even more, and your eyes close because you canât bear his smug glare.
âI said,â he urges, giving a quick squeeze to your chin, âwhere do you want my lips?â
âOn â on me,â you breathe out, voice muffled by the firm hold on your face.
His lips twitch as he leans closer and kisses your cheek. âHere,â he says, holding back a laugh when your eyes widen. âThat was where you wanted them, right?â
âOh, fuck off, you know what I meant,â you huff.
âNo, Iâm the dumb one, remember? You are smarter than me, you know everything. Iâm always a step behind, I need you to guide me step by step,â he mocks in a condescending tone, pouting.
You take a deep breath. âI hate you.â
âOh, I know,â he laughs. âBut if you use just three magic words Iâm sure youâre going to love me for a while.â
You donât want to give up but youâre on fire, and you fear that the more time passes by the more someone could find you out.
âIâll ask nicely one last time,â he whispers against your lips. âThen Iâll ask you to do something for me and youâll lose my lips for the second time. Where do you want them?â
âOn my pussy,â you whisper, not meeting his eyes.
âFucking finally,â he laughs. âWas it so hard Miss big brain?â
âStop mocking me!â
âMocking you?â He asks, getting on his knees again before grabbing your panties to pull them down. âI might hate you but it would be dumb to not recognize your qualities, right?â
You donât reply, you have other things to worry about. For example, your mortal enemies kneeled between your legs in an empty class of your Academy, staring into your soul, ready to eat you out.
âSo, since youâre so good with words, here we go again. Beg.â Haechan craves putting his lips on you just as you do, but this is the only moment he can have some power over you. And after the humiliation of todayâs class, he has to make you pay for it a bit. Or maybe he just wants to hear that even if youâd choke him and slap him, you still want him.
âPlease, Donghyuck, please,â you plead, looking into his eyes.
Heâd love to hear you beg for him more, but the way your cunt is dripping on the desk is already enough to tell him how much you want him, and for now, itâs enough.
When his lips come in contact with your skin your legs immediately hook around his shoulders and you can feel the chuckle on your wet folds.
âEager, honey?â
âJust, please, eat me out already,â you barely have time to finish that he stops playing around and starts moving his mouth on you. Your head falls behind while your thighs squeeze tighter around his face. Your hands clench on the edge of the desk as you try to keep your balance, but it gets harder with every lick of his tongue.
âKeep quiet, the door is closed not locked,â he reminds you, pulling away from you just to pick up again.
You try to donât be too loud, but heâs better than you expected and maybe this was the wrong time to try this out. You shouldâve simply begged him to fuck you, but now that youâre in the middle of this, the last thing you want is to stop him.
One of your hands is brave enough to let go of the hold on the desk and reach his hair to push him closer to your body, surprising him.
Haechan always thought you were much more shy than this, honestly, he didnât even hope much for this to happen. But you surprise him, not only you let him have you in a random class at your university but you are also pushing him closer.
âYou are eager,â he muffles against you, he canât pull away when youâre pressing him down with so much force, but the way youâre acting is setting him on fire. He loves hearing you moan and whimper, not a word coming out of your pretty lips to confront him, just bliss on your face and voice. And that pushes him to give you even more, putting his entire self into eating you out until he almost drags screams out of you, making both of you forget where you are.
Youâre not sure how many minutes pass by but when the orgasm rushes in your body you feel itâs too close. Youâd probably force him down for another round if you were in any other place but you donât feel brave enough.
âSo? Disappointed?â He asks, cleaning his chin as he stands up, reaching you again. âDonât lie, youâre still dripping down the desk, youâre even more turned on than last time.â
âIâm not,â you lie. You know you are, and Haechan knows it too.
âWhat is it? The thrill of being caught? My skills? Just me, or something else?â
You donât know why you reply with what you reply, but you do. âMaybe someone else,â you tease, not even sure heâll take the bait, but heâs too caught up in you to see the games youâre playing.
âYeah? And whoâs that?â
âSee, I always believed you were perspicacious and could catch details, I canât believe you didnât get it. Youâre so sure Professor Kim wants to fuck me, ever thought I want him too?â You bat your lashes and Haechan tries to silence a groan, but you feel his fists clench at your sides.
âDonât play with me, Iâm not falling for this.â
You shrug. âFine, Iâll still think about him while you fuck mââ he shuts you up with a rough kiss, pushing you down the desk with a quick movement that makes your heart jump to your throat.
âHeâs not even that hot,â he groans, turning you around before bending you on the desk, and pulling your skirt up around your waist. âAnd heâs not even that old, thereâs not even the charm of the dilf.â
âHeâs smart,â you talk back, not sure how much you can pull your luck.
Haechan scoffs, slapping your ass. âNot smarter than me.â
âYouâre not the professor soâŠâ
âA degree means nothing,â he says, his chest pressing against your back. âWhatâs that you like so much about him?â
You chuckle. Youâre not sure if heâs playing into your game or is just so easy to fool, but either way, you decide to keep going. âEverything. Donât you see him?â
Haechan groans. Out of all the people, out of all the professors, he has a very personal beef with him that started at the start of the year and the way you just praise him so much âeven outside of this specific situation where he got youâre messing up with himâ drives him insane.
âBecause heâs the best at everything? Isnât he?â
You nod, expecting him to talk back but the only answer you get is the sharp sound of his belt being pulled away from his pants and smacked against your ass. âFuck,â you curse, hating the way your body buzzes with pleasure at the impact.
Haechan chuckles. âI wonder what he would think of you if he saw you like this.â
âHe wouldnât think,â you say. âHeâd act, fucking me like I deserve instead of wasting time like you.â
When his cock fills you up with no warning you almost scream but his hand is quicker at reaching your mouth.
âYeah, would he fuck you better?â
You groan in his hand, but your brain goes blank with each thrust into you, pulling his hips back before he snaps them forward, so forcefully that you slide upward on the desk and he has to pull you down so that your hips donât hit the wood.
âAnswer me,â he urges, making a makeshift ponytail with your hair to force you up. âWould he?â
âI⊠I donât know,â you cry out, feeling him deep inside of you, filling you perfectly. Â
âYou just have to test me until I snap, donât you?â
âHe seems âfuckâ fitter than you.â
Haechan snickers mockingly. âYes? You want to be thrown around? Like youâre worth nothing? Do I have to do that to make you feel good?â
You shake your head, ass perking up, your feet on their tips as you try to keep balance.
âNo? Is being fucked in a class enough for you? Does it satisfy your needs?â He hisses, eyes rolling back when he focuses them where your bodies meet, your cum dripping down his length and balls. He canât believe how turned on you are. âThought you were innocent but look at you.â
âNot my fault you donât catch details,â you retort with a small bit of sanity ânot reallyâ you have in you.
âDetails? Or maybe youâre just an actress. Making everyone believe you only think about grades and studies and here you are, drooling while I fuck you over a desk. Begging for my dick.â
You donât even realize you are drooling down the desk and when youâre about to clean your chin, Haechan grabs your hands and pins them in place behind your back.
âNo,â you whimper, falling flat with your chest pressing down the wooden table. Â
âYes, honey,â he mocks. âI want to see you become a mess for me. Should I take a snap of you like this? Send it to Professor Kim so he can see he will never have you like this?â He whispers against your ear. âThink I donât know it was all a play? Not only you donât like him, but you wouldnât risk your reputation for a terrible fuck when you have a brain like yours.â
Your pussy clenches. Itâs the way his voice sounds like velvet, itâs how deep itâs hitting you, itâs in his words, and the way it turns you on that your number one rival, the one that despises you, still knows your value.
âStill, Iâm pretty sure he wishes he could see you like this,â he adds, biting your earlobe. âA shame he canât, right?â
âY-yes,â you mumble in a pathetic wail. Â Â
âBut maybe I could still keep it to myself,â his hips start moving with more force and you canât hold back your moans as you clench around him. âYeah? Want me to take a photo of you like this?â
You wish you could reply but words just donât come out of your lips, brain emptying and eyes rolled back in your skull.
âMaybe another time,â he says, breath getting ragged as he keeps fucking into you with determination. âDonât really want to pull away to take a pic of us.â
âThere â there wonât be âfuckâ another time,â you reply, forcing yourself to speak. Â
Haechan snickers. âThe mess between your legs tells me otherwise,â he mocks, reaching in front of you to play with your clit, making you shake. âDonât be so hard on yourself, you deserve good things, even a good fuck from me.â
âToo much,â you cry out, feeling your eyes getting wetter as the orgasm starts choking you.
âNo, you just havenât had a decent orgasm in ages,â he retorts.
âShut up! You know âshitâ you know nothing.â
âHoney, I can only imagine you playing with yourself, but your hands or toys donât come close to me,â he says, so smugly you can feel the smirk on his face. Â And you canât even retort because âas much as you hate itâ heâs right.
âCome here,â he says, putting a hand over your shoulders to pull you closer to him. âAre you close?â
You nod, biting your lower lip until it bleeds because youâre sure the sound of your ass slamming against his hips is already a giveaway of whatâs going on inside this room. You clench around him when he bites down your shoulder to muffle a louder groan as his hips start moving faster as he chases his climax.
You feel your legs give up as the second orgasm hits you and you hold against the desk again because you donât know where else to hold on to. Haechan tries to keep his curses low, sticking his face in the crook of your neck and you feel you could come again just by his voice alone; his moans the pretties sounds youâve ever heard.
âOh god,â you breathe out when he gently lets go of your body and you can relax on the hard surface again, squirming in discomfort when he pulls out of you.
âI hope you didnât tear my panties apart, too,â you say, rolling on your back, making him laugh.
âDonât move, youâll stain the skirt, itâs the only clean thing on the table,â he says, grabbing a napkin to prevent you from making even more of a mess.
âAnd whoâs fault is that?â You ask, glaring at him.
âYou should just thank me for the orgasm, better, two orgasms, I gave you.â
You huff, rolling your eyes, but still letting him clean you up, after all, the cum was his, so itâs his place to clean it. After youâre sure you wonât ruin the last untouched piece of clothes you have, you sit up, taking your âuncomfortablyâ wet panties to put them on.
âSoâŠâ he whispers as he cleans up the rest of the mess on the table and shoves your broken tights in his bag, âit was just for fun, right? You have no intentions with MrâŠâ
You break down laughing. âYouâre so easy to fool. You seriously think Iâll ever let him see me like this?â
Haechan scoffs, finishing fixing his clothes before walking to the door. âItâs not about what you would do, is if you think of him.â
âI donât,â you reply, following him even if you feel like your legs could give up any second. âI wonder if your jealousy was also a play,â you tease, nudging him as you two walk down the corridor to leave.
âIt wasnât jealousy, you would just have terrible taste if you truly liked him, and I have beef with him.â
You chuckle, deciding to believe him.
âWait,â he says, stopping to search for something in his bag.
âIâll go for the door, reach me,â you say, starting to head on, youâre not even sure you two could be there at that time. âLee Donghyuck,â you curse when you try to push open the front door. âWhat did I say?â
He walks toward you nonchalantly and shrugs. âYeah?â
âThey locked us in!â
He smiles, shaking his head, and grabbing your hand. âCan you run?â
âWhat?â You blink a few times, trying to understand how his question fits the situation.
âAfter I fucked you like that, can you run?â
âShush,â you scold, fearful someone might hear, youâre not sure who since you seem to be completely alone, but better safe than sorry. âAnd no, I donât know, I⊠why would we run?â
âDo you trust me?â He asks, reaching out his hand for you to take.
âNo,â you say resolutely. Â
âGood,â he smirks before he starts running into the corridors, giving you no chance but to follow him, cursing and damming every life decision that led you here, with cum threatening to leak out of you after you finished having sex in the class of your Academy and are now running to go God knows where, locked inside the institute.
âHyuck!â You scream when he runs up the stairs and you swear you never felt so much adrenaline rush in your blood but when he looks back for a second and shows you his big bright smile with his hair falling in his face perfectly, you swear the world stops and all your worries are lifted from your shoulders. Maybe you trust him. Maybe you need to be this carefree sometimes.
Your heart jumps in your throat when he pushes open an emergency door and the mild breeze of March runs over you. You breathe in deeply, pushing into your lungs the air and the first early spring scent, letting the wind play with your hair and your clothes while your hand never lets go of his.
And then you both start laughing. Never looking back, and terribly looking forward, watching your steps as you run down the emergency stairs. You laugh, and youâre happy and you canât believe your fingers are still intertwined with the ones of your mortal enemy.
When you reach the ground floor, hidden in the back of the palace where the sun doesnât shine, there are still some tears spilling out of your eyes. You two pant, trying to catch your breath, and look at each other before you have to look away or else you will start laughing again.
You canât believe you followed him blindly.
Your hands are still intertwined.
With each passing day, Haechan is convinced he has a perfect plan. Itâs all part of the original plan, but if he gets you to try out romantic things, not only will he distract you from your perfect grades but he will also make you come up with a song that will give him a perfect score.
There are some small details that Haechan didnât even consider. Detail number 1: where this could lead you two and your relationship. Detail number 2: that while distracting you, he will inevitably distract himself. But he doesnât get it until itâs too late.
Haechan canât remember when you started to dress up so much every time you hang out. You always dress well, or maybe he is biased for thinking that even the most basic white turtleneck shirt and cargo pants when you are too done with life to put up your skirts, dresses, or cutely styled other types of outfits, look amazing on you. Yet, during these last few dates, you started doing more, playing more with your hairstyles, trying different make-up, and always looking perfect in whatever clothes you put on your body.
Haechan hates you. Now more than ever because this was supposed to be your silly little race to the top of your second academic year and yet here he is, feeling his heart pound in his throat as you walk toward him. With your hair in a slicked-back ponytail, a freaking heart-shaped side part, your short red dress, while the white cardigan covers your arms and shields you from the light breeze, and your red short heels tap on the asphalt and bring his attention to the white socks that reach you right below your knees, while your hand clench around a heart-shaped bag.
He hates you because he wants you too badly and heâs terrified this is crossing the lines of bland and stupid physical attraction.
You smile, calling him Hyuck and heâd love to scream because he canât be so smart and yet so dumb at the same time. But he tries to ignore it, and smiles back at you, addressing you with your surname so he can put some distance between you. You donât even get mad anymore, it makes you smile tenderly as you lower your face to the ground and tangle your arm with his to walk to the car. Now he hopes that the old sardine can will make you two blow up, not to kill you, but to donât make you accept a date from him anymore.
But that old car struggles but doesnât crash, and drives you to the restaurant safely.
âThis place is so pretty,â your voice rings in his ears, bringing him out of the thought heâs struggling with since you walked out of your apartment.
âYeah, itâs musically themed, thought it was a good idea.â
âAnd the dishes also have song names? Thatâs the best thing Iâve ever seen,â your face lightens up when you scan the menu and in reflection, he does too.
What the fuck are you doing? He curses when he catches himself lost on you, too focused giggling like a child as you catch the references between the songs and the plates. You look like a clichĂ© embodiment of love, and he thinks youâve done it on purpose. Itâs way past Valentineâs Day, but he feels that Cupid is flying right above you, ready to play him a dirty trick.
âSo? You picked?â You ask, bringing him out of his thoughts, and he shakes his head, coughing while glueing his eyes on the menu.
âNope, Iâm a bit uncertain,â he says, pretending he wasnât just too busy staring at you a few moments ago.
You laugh, humming. âOh, I know.â
âWhat did you get?â He asks, meeting your eyes above the paper in his hand.
âI wanted to get the Summer 69â appetizer first,â you reply and he smirks.
âAre you hinting at something?â
âOh, shut up, you perv! It just looks tasty, there are different appetizers from different parts of the world and itâs a cold start.â
âThen we can take the big one so we can share?â
âSure,â you reply, smiling at him. âOh, and then âI wanna dance with somebodyâ as the main dish.â
âDo you?â He winks.
âIâm not sending you signals, Iâm just starving,â you reply, rolling your eyes, but he hears the low giggle that you try to hold back.
âFine,â he smiles. âIâll take âManeaterâ in your honour.â
âIâm a maneater? Oh, thanks, the best compliment ever actually,â you say playfully.
He smiles, stopping for a second after he hands you his menu. âYou look beautiful tonight, by the way.â And when your mouth parts and no sound come out of it, he thinks he screwed it up. Itâs not the first time he compliments you but well, the other times didnât sound so serious.
But then your face breaks in a smile, and your eyes light up, shily diverting the gaze as you thank him before the waitress saves you both from the embarrassment thatâs tangible in the air.
âKaraoke? Are you being extremely nice, borderline perfect, tonight so you can show me the biggest twist ever?â You gasp when the karaoke downtown enters your line of view. Youâve been walking for a while now since he couldnât find a spot nearby, but he never mentioned where your next stop would be.
âIâm always nice to you when we go out on daâ like this,â Haechan replies, opening the door of the place for you to get in first. âAlso, since weâll have to record the song soon, I think itâs time to test our vocal abilities.â
You giggle, waiting for him before you start walking to the desk to book a room.
âKaraoke is for fun, never to show off youâre like Celine Dion.â
Haechan chuckles, nodding in agreement while you reach the booth that the lady at the counter assigned you.
âRight, Iâm more like Ailee, actually,â he jokes, closing the door behind you.
âProve it to me, I always hear your mouth run to talk shit but never to sing melodies, soâŠâ
âShould we go for a duet?â He asks, starting the TV to scroll down the songs listed.
âNope,â you say, sitting on the couch. âA solo song first.â
âFine,â he says, humming as the titles pass in front of your vision. âMhh, what about Dean?â
âLove him, would love him more if he came back from the death and dropped another album of the year,â you say, sitting back to fully enjoy Haechanâs performance.
He chuckles at your comment. âThis one was a painful reminder,â he says before clicking on âInstagram,â making the logo of the place appear before the countdown, signalling the beat was about to start.
You never thought you would find yourself so caught up in him but when he opens his mouth, you feel like youâre being taken to another world.
His voice sounds like honey, so raw yet so lovely. And as he keeps singing, you think that he would be wasted as a producer, a voice like his deserves to be heard by everyone. But when he finishes, you donât show any of the emotions you felt.
âYour performance was very touching,â you say while standing up to grab your mic, âbut Iâm a performer, so Iâll go with Queen Britney.â
âCanât wait to see your Superbowl worth it performance,â he snickers, sitting back against the small couch in the room as he watches you getting ready.
âYeah, yeah, yeah,â you start, winking at him and swinging your hips to follow the rhythm of the music.
Haechan would love to find it as funny as he does at the start, but when you start singing for real, and moving around in the small boot, he gulps, feeling the air around him starting to dim. And it only gets worse when you turn around and start to perform for him. Of course, you know the song by heart, you donât need to read the words, and you donât need them to change colour to know when each verse, chorus and bridge starts.
âOops, I did it again, I played with your heart,â you wink, tilting your head to the side, still moving your body to the beat. He canât tell, not right at the moment, but he thinks youâre replicating the choreography. Thatâs the last worry in his mind.
I played with your heart.
And Haechan thinks you really did that. This doesnât feel like a game anymore, and not even like sex. He looks at you, even right now, that youâre sensually singing a Britney Spears song, and he can only fucking smile like an idiot.
âWow,â you exhale when the song ends, fanning yourself with your hand, âitâs really hot in here.â
âIt definitely is,â he whispers, drifting his gaze from you.
âSo? How was I?â You ask, head tilted to the side, and a big, bright smile on your face.
âGood,â Haechan mutters, catching himself staring at you for too long again, shaking his head, the red blush on his face is humiliating. âYou were good.â
âYes,â you cheer, clapping your hands. âShould we duet, now?â
He hums, grabbing the remote again and searching âduetsâ in the search bar. âSad, sexy or silly?â
You roll your eyes. âReally?â
âWhat? Iâm trying to understand the vibe we want to go with.â
âIâll let you pick,â you say just to regret it when you see the song choice on the screen. âSeriously? Anything you can do?â
âWhat? Itâs fitting for how relationship,â he says nonchalantly.
âThatâs a crazy choice.â
âWorried you canât actually do better than me?â He winks, passing you the mic as the song loads on the screen.
âYouâll see,â you challenge with a glare.
One minute into the song you regret having agreed to that, not remembering the last time you sang like this, but the look on his face when itâs time for you to hold a long note for 15 seconds is worth it. And it keeps going until the end, as you both surprise each other with all the skills that this song requires. Â
âWow, youâre good,â you both say when the song ends and you break down laughing, a sound that grows bigger when the screen lights up to show a perfect score.
âMaybe we make a great couple together,â you say, laying back on the couch, tired from the singing.
Haechan turns to you, smirking and nodding. âI guess we do.â
You sit up, resting your chin on his arm. âCan you take another one?â
âOh, donât test me, baby.â
âSo, ice cream is good for vocal cords?â You giggle as you walk to the side of the Han River with the ice cream in hand. It seemed like Haechan didnât want to end the night anytime soon, but you donât feel like complaining.
âYeah,â he hums with conviction, licking another stripe of chocolate. Â
âOn which book youâve read this scientific fact?â
âThe ice cream ghost came to me one night and whispered the secret to my ear,â he jokes, making you laugh.
âUhm, yeah, I think that ghosts are much more reliable than old men in white coats in a lab,â you joke, but then you remember something you wanted to talk about since youâve walked out of the karaoke. âMhh, you know what I was thinking?â
Haechan shakes his head, waiting for you to talk.
âI think weâre going down the wrong path with our song,â you voice out. âEspecially me. A warmer, darker, I dare to say more sensual vibe, fits us better.â
Haechan chuckles and you glare at him. âWhat?â
âNothing,â he giggles, but he canât lose against you so he goes on. âThatâs the production, you know?â
You huff, rolling your eyes, and jumping on the handrail to sit. âI never said it wasnât important.â
âWhatever,â he snickers. âSo I have to scrap everything Iâm working on?â
You shake your head, cleaning your hands after swallowing the last bite of the cone. âNo, I was thinking about the second base you were working on, the one with the guitars and violins, remember?â
He hums, but heâs dangerously close to you, and you donât understand why his hands wrap around your waist.
âI think we could use that and ââ you gulp when he places his feet on the handrail under you and reaches your height, âand then I can change small things of my â my writing to fit more. What do you think?â
He smiles before it turns into his usual smirk. âI still think youâre worrying too much and youâre not letting it come to you,â he whispers, and the air of his breaths puffs on your lips before he erases the space between you and kisses you.
You feel your breath taken away as you feel like youâre falling behind in the river as the wind blows harder and your hands immediately leave the handrail to reach for him.
Youâre not sure that wasnât an attempted murder from him, but you canât care when you feel your heart flutter and your legs give up as he deepens the kiss.
âLet it flow,â he whispers, kissing you again, whispering against your lips, âand the song will come at you.â
You know itâs not what heâs talking about, but you kiss him again, this time pushing him down so your feet are on the ground again. Your hands are holding tight on his sweatshirt as you pull him even closer and he does the same wrapping his arms around your frame tighter.
You find yourself in the same position in the living room of his apartment, struggling to make it to his bedroom without waking some of the others up. Not that you care much, it would be fair payback for all the chaos they make when you and Haechan are studying together.
The clothes fall on the floor as quickly as heâs on top of you on the bed.
âI hate that I have to ruin your pretty face,â he whispers, fingers deep inside your sopping wet cunt, pumping in and out painfully slowly as he stares at your face, a cute mix between ecstasy and annoyance because heâs giving you something but not enough. âThe red eyeshadow looks really good on you, you know?â
You groan, rolling your head back. âItâs not time for compliments.â
âIâve been complimenting you all night,â he says, teasing your clit with flicks of his thumb but without giving you much. âIt is a shame you will look like a mess once Iâm done with you.â
âWe canât be loud,â you say, hating that, for one reason or another, you two always have to keep quiet.
âNah, Jeno has his headphones on playing games with Yangyang. Renjun has headphones on with music to donât listen to Jeno. Markâs not home and not even bombs wake Jaemin up.â The explanation is particularly non-sexy now that he has his fingers inside of you and it doesnât make you relax much, but you hum nonetheless and beg him to keep going.
âPatience, honey. Weâve got all night,â he smirks.
âYeah but ââ
âAh, ah,â he says, clicking his tongue and silencing you with a finger on your lips. âWhat did I tell you before? Let it flow.â
âIt was different it was âugh,â you mumble when he covers your mouth with his hand, eyes widening before they narrow to send him a deadly glare, but he only smirks. He has control now. He always does when he has you underneath him, he still has to fight with you a bit, but you both know this is the only time he can ever win against you. And tonight is special, he wants you to let go of the reins completely, he wants you brainless, because even if your brain is the sexiest thing of you âyeah, yeah, and the thing that is making his college years hell on earthâ your brain is also the thing that makes you obsess over the smallest thing and doesnât make you follow your heart so freely.
Yeah, tonight Donghyuck wants you free, but for the sake of the dirty talking later âand to fool himself he doesnât care about you that muchâ heâs going to say he wants you dumb.
And heâs starting strong tonight, his beautiful, long fingers reaching deep inside you, hitting right against your sweet spot, causing so much cum to pool around them and drip down while your pussy clenches hard and your hips buck up to ride the pleasure with him. And you donât have it in you to fight; it feels too good, especially when he starts rubbing your clit and whispers dirty talk about how well youâre taking him.
Your eyes flutter open, just in time to catch the proud smirk on his face as he stares at your body, you dare to say, in awe. It shouldnât warm your heart, but it does. You donât even care if he sees you like a prize he won, right now, because even if he does, you know he only fights hard to win the trophies he cares about. He wants you, he likes you, even. Between the hate and the tension, something about what attracts you two together makes this work. And itâs fine.
âHyuck,â you breathe out, chest panting and toes curling as you feel the familiar knot in your stomach. But you donât expect the next words that come out of your mouth. âKiss me.â When you realize what you said, you anticipate him mocking you, your ears already hear the snicker you know, oh so well, but it never arrives. What arrives are his lips on yours as he leans down, pressing his chest against yours while his fingers keep working wonder inside you.
The kiss is passionate, but not rough like the ones youâre so used to sharing. Thereâs no anger in it, just need and greed, and chemistry. So much chemistry, your hands have to run in his hair and tug them, making him moan and his dick throb against your thigh.
âI want you so bad,â he slurs against your lips. âI will do some dumb shit one day for you.â
You donât get what he means. You donât even know what he could mean by that given the nature of your bond, but his words, mixed with the sultry tone of his voice, are enough to make you come. You barely register the orgasm, hitting you like a singular explosion of a firework, leaving you gasping, exploding as quickly as it came yet slowly running through your bones as the feeling tones down.
Haechan snickers softly. âYou love it when I get in trouble for you, donât you? Even when itâs just a promise.â
Your lips part to reply but he shuts you with a kiss. âNo talking, not unless I tell you to. I know everything I need to know, your body tells me that,â he says, grinning like an idiot when he shows you his cum coated fingers, tapping them against your lips, silently ordering you to taste yourself. You would never do that, but tonight itâs like heâs commanding you like a puppet on a string, and you obey. Closing your lips around him and sucking hard.
He smirks, feeling his dick get even harder as he stares at your lips. âThatâs what I do to you, pretty girl. And Iâm not even started.â
Your pussy throbs in anticipation while he pulls his fingers out. You know heâs one to keep promise, and you canât wait for whatâs to come. But heâs taking too long, and you can feel his hard dick against your leg, so your hand creeps down to touch it.
âYouâre not in command tonight, angel,â he says, grabbing your wrist to stop you from moving your hand on him.
âBut I want you,â you whine, trying to win him with a pouty look on your face.
It doesnât work as he pushes your hand over your head and leans in. âPatience, princess. Keep quiet, donât be greedy and just trust me. Can you do that? Or is it too hard for you?â He groans against your ear, making your hips buck up.
âI â I can,â you whisper but he stops with a glare and your brain replays his words âquiet, no words from you tonight,â and he means it. So you nod, breathing in deeply as you feel weak in the knees for the way he looks at you.
âGood girl,â he says, pushing up to stand between your legs, pushing them open.
When he slips inside you, you gasp, dragging your nails on his back. âAre you alright?â
You nod, forcing yourself to look into his eyes.
âGood, and now,â he whispers, kissing your lips, and dragging out of you, âI want you to give into me and completely turn your brain off. You have me, thatâs all you need right now.â
When he starts moving in and out, your body succumbs to the pleasure. Your muscles relax as you let him take care of you. His lips trace over your sensitive skin, leaving kisses on your neck and chest. His hands run over your body, touching and squeezing every inch. And he reaches so deep inside of you that you feel you can barely breathe.
âJust like this,â Haechan whispers close to your ear, gently biting the skin on your jaw. âDonât think about anything,â he groans, hitting you deep after pulling out of you completely. âNot a single worry in that pretty brain of yours.â
You rarely let him win, but you have to admit that the way he makes you feel, the way he can lift all the stress off your shoulders, is a talent. He knows what heâs doing, and the scary thing is that he knows how to get you. So easily wrapped around his fingers, crumbling into nothing at his tiniest touch.
You whimper loudly when his fingers press against your clit, seeing stars at the new stimulation.
âYou can take it,â he groans. Youâre about to talk but he traps your lips in a messy, wet kiss as he pulls you closer by your waist, hitting even deeper. âYouâre a good girl, right? You can take it.â
Youâre doubtful, but you do take it, over and over again. You lose track of time and stop counting your orgasms after the third. Thereâs no need for that. All you need is the pleasure Donghyuck gives you, fucking you until both of you canât do it anymore.
Thereâs nothing left once itâs over, no strength to talk or clean up the mess, just the warmth of your bodies cuddled against each other.
âGood morning, I will kill Lee Je â what the hell,â Renjun exclaims, entering the kitchen, making you turn around as if youâve been caught stealing, holding the mug full of coffee in your hands and giving him a shy smile. âWhat are you doing here?â
You gulp, pushing your hair out of your face before coming up with a lie. âWe studied too late.â
Renjun steps further into the room, staring at you with a raised brow before he tilts his head and studies how youâre dressed. Youâre wearing Donghyuckâs sweater and pants.
âOh, now they call it studying? Last time I checked youâre not med students, didnât know music had anatomy in the program,â he taunts, grinning at you as he comes to your side. Â
You choke on your saliva and donât have time to come up with a reply because he strikes again.
âOh, no, maybe you were exercising vocalization, itâs better when itâs done together, right?â He winks and you glare at him.
âItâs not what you think,â you lie, but honestly you feel so embarrassed about everything. You didnât think anybody else would be up this early on a Sunday, but itâs clear you donât know Renjun well. You couldâve left, but you didnât want to. It was slowly starting to sink in that you didnât like the solitude of your life anymore.
âDonât worry, I wonât tell anybody,â he says, sitting in front of you. âCome here, donât stay up.â
You do as told, and smile when he offers you a pack of biscuits. âI wouldâve cooked something usually, but Jeno kept me up all night.â
You chuckle. âItâs fine, normally I donât even have breakfast.â
âYou donât?â He gasps, and you nod.
âYeah, just coffee.â
He looks down at you, shaking his head in disappointment. âItâs not healthy.â
âI know, I know, Iâll try to eat more, okay? For you.â You reach out your hand and he takes it.
A fit of cough brings both of your gazes to the door and you see Haechan stand against the frame. âOnce itâs Jeno, another time itâs Renjun. I bring you home to study and you flirt with my friends.â
âDrop the bullshit, Hyuck. He knows,â you say, rolling your eyes.
Haechanâs eyes widen, but he slowly fakes indifference. âKnows what? That you donât have time for a relationship so you canât date him?â
âThat you two fuck,â Renjun answers instead, making him cough.
âThatâs not true,â he defends. âI hate her,â he says, laughing, but when he meets your eyes and sees them sadden, he feels pain in his heart. âNo, no, I donât hate her, but weâre⊠you know our relationship, why would we fuck?â
âWhoâs fucking?â
âNot you, Jeno. Not you for sure,â Renjun says, rolling his eyes.
âHey! Why do you always gotta be so rude,â Jeno whines.
âI doubt heâs not getting laid,â you chuckle, and Jeno winks playfully.
âSee, words of a wise woman,â he brags, walking to the fridge to grab something.
Renjun sighs loudly. âA woman that doesnât know you.â
âWould you fuck him?â Haechan asks out of nowhere and you glare at him.
âI just said that heâs hot and smart, I donât see how he can have a hard time finding somebody,â
ââCause heâs annoying,â Renjun answers, but Haechanâs not listening.
âI didnât ask that,â Donghyuck says instead, his attention is all on you as if thereâs nobody else in the room. Â
âI donât answer stupid questions,â you reply before sipping from your cup and drifting your gaze away.
âWait, why are you here?â Jeno asks, only now realizing youâre not supposed to be at their place, not in the morning at least⊠wait⊠âWait! Are you two fuckââ
âNo,â Haechan answers sternly, glaring at him. âWeâre studying. And it got late, so since we were closer to my place, I let her stay the night.â
âI thought you left yesterday saying you had a date, though,â Jeno says confused.
You chuckle under your breath before you feel Haechanâs hand wrap around your writs to pull you out of the room, not even giving you time to finish your coffee. âA studying date, and now drop it.â
When you reach his room, he groans loudly, walking to the closet to pick something to wear. You watch him move for a while, but then you canât keep your thoughts inside your head anymore.
âAre you ashamed of me?â You ask and he turns around with wide eyes.
âWhat?â
âAm I something to be ashamed of? Do I donât fit in the standard of the people you would usually fuck?â
He sighs, shaking his head. âNo, I donât want them to get invasive, they donât let me live once they know something. And with you, itâs more embarrassing because of our historyâŠâ
You giggle, trying not to show the relief youâre feeling because, for a moment, you thought he was one of those types of men.
âWhy canât you ever make things easy for me?â He asks, annoyance in his voice. You have so much power over him, more than he likes to admit, and he feels like he canât even be too mad at you about it.
âSorry, itâs just, itâs funny having a history with you,â you explain. âMy mortal enemy, always ready to steal my number ones, and my good grades.â
âYouâre so annoying, youâre never sleeping over ever again.â
âYeah, âcause I wonât let you fuck me ever again.â
âLiar,â he says. âAnd now move, Iâll drop you home.â
you can find part two on my account on the story masterlist or haechanâs masterlist (i canât link it because if i do the post wonât appear in the tags)
general taglist: @froggyforhyuck, @wingsss45, @tddyhyck, @technologyculturedneo
fic taglist: @hcluvie, @gusgus0517, @multifandomania, @413cl, @odgsuji,
@hey-hey-heybitch, @nctrawberries, @n0hyuck, @haechoshi,
@girlwholoveslpreppyattire, @viciousdarlings, @hyuckmoon,
@jaeymark, @hqech, @xntlax, @milkyway-vxm, @fullsunahceah,
@beomgyusonlywife, @toroufriteh, @yesohhsehun @shxnz
@haecastor, @hyucksaint, @sk8ermark, @midnightrained
@maiteeeeesstuff, @smwhrinthehaze, @yoursyuno
© neowinestaindress ; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours.Â
#nct fanfiction#haechan smut#lee haechan smut#donghyuck smut#lee donghyuck smut#haechan fluff#lee haechan fluff#donghyuck fluff#nct smut#nct 127 smut#nct dream smut#haechan scenarios
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been doing some thinking on what it means to be an internet artist in 2024 and it kind of sucks tbh. there's so much focus on numbers, but numbers aren't fulfilling. what really matters to me is community engagement, or the actual response i get from my audience. a number (be it a like or reblog) doesn't tell me anything. but tags do, postulating about the meaning of my drawings in the tags or my inbox or replies means something. but you can't get those kind of thoughtful comments without reblogs. and then, those thoughtful comments are SO few and far in between, it's genuinely kind of depressing. like, let's say you post a drawing and it gets 100 notes. great! 90 of them are likes and 10 of them are reblogs. MAYBE one person will tag it with any of their personal thoughts. and that's a big maybe. even small comments like "cute!" or "i love this so much omg" are worth more than silence. idk. i've been on the internet for a really long time and this new wave of reclusiveness from audiences just kind of sucks. it's demotivating and isolating and it takes a lot of the joy out of creating. when you think to yourself, "man, i bet they'll love this drawing!" only to have like, two people tops say as much... when u post ur art online for free like i do, that engagement is literally The Only Thing u get out of it. so it's sad to watch in real time as it becomes sparser and sparser. whatever. who cares (i do.)
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ASS OR TITS?
do seventeen members prefer ass or tits ?
NSFW CONTENT ! MNDI !
seungcheol:
ass. no doubt in my mind. loves fucking you in doggy so he can get the perfect view. if you wear short skirts PREPARE to be fucked with it on. LOVES spanking and seeing his red handprint left on his favourite part of you <3
jeonghan:
also an ass dude. punishes you by having you lay on his lap and count the spanks he gives you. massages each spot he hit. whenever you ride him his hands are always squeezing your ass. lowkey wouldn't be that shocked if he bit your cheeks one time.
joshua:
this is totally not biased at all but tits. and i'm gonna say it; he is a small titty advocator. idc. likes that he can fit your whole boob in his hand size kink go brrr. he will suck on your tits all day and night if he could. likes keeping his hands on your boobs during the day.
jun:
like i said in my mirror sex fic,,, tits. so so so titty obsessed. loves shower sex as well cuz who doesn't like soapy boobs ? lays his head on top of your tits while you cuddle. constantly asking you to send boob pics. like CONSTANTLY.
soonyoung:
i can see him being both tbh, but i think he leads more to boobs. titty fucking is one of his favourite things on the planet. definetly has a collection of pics of your boobs. likes cumming on them too what can i say.
wonwoo:
don't think i've ever seen a bigger ass man in my life. gets hard just from thinking about your ass. saw mingyu take a peek one day and absolutely fucked the shit out of you so his roommate could hear you screaming his name through the walls.
jihoon:
boobs. so so SO boobs. he gets a little lazy from the crazy amount of work he tortures himself with, so cowgirl is his #1 position. (he loves it because he doesn't have to do any work NOT because your tits bouncing in his face drives him nuts) (definitely not for that reason).
minghao:
i can definitely see him loving making hand prints on your ass, loves watching the red blossom, but he LOVES marking your boobs. seeing his "artwork" hickeys on your tits drives him WILD. also considers his cum on your tits to be his favourite piece of art he's ever made ïŒăïœ 3âČăïŒ
mingyu:
ass. like don't get him wrong, he goes BONKERS for some boobs. but... your ass makes him foam at the mouth. one of those dudes who slaps your ass whenever he walks passed. when you're riding him into the mattress, def has a CRAZY grip on your cheeks to try and control his tears.
seokmin:
he's a tit boy through and through. this mans one goal in life is to please you. i am a BIG believer in pussydrunk!dk. but he will latch on your tits like it's his LIFELINE. for sure fingers you while he's lapping at your chest, he just can't get enough of your cunt either ïŒïžżïŒ
seungkwan:
boobs as well. his hands are latched onto your tits 24/7. rests his head on them while you cuddle, plays with them when he's upset, and he keeps his hands up your shirt while your snuggling on the couch. he's also a BIG nipple biter don't @ me.
vernon:
yeah he loves ass. doggy is his go to (well besides reverse cowgirl but that still isn't helping his case). when i say he spanks i mean it. he is SLAPPING your ass. he just can't help it, his hand prints turn him on so much.
chan:
def another ass guy. eats you out from behind (or just straight up eats ass who knows). his hand is on your cheeks in public too he just can't help it. if you're wearing a short dress / skirt, be prepared for a long night (and to say goodbye to that article of clothing cuz he def stains it)
not proof-read ! lmk if there's any mistakes (ă„ïżŁ 3ïżŁ)ă„
#seventeen#seventeen x reader#seventeen smut#svt#svt x reader#svt smut#scoups x reader#scoups smut#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan smut#joshua x reader#joshua smut#junhui x reader#junhui smut#hoshi x reader#hoshi smut#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo smut#woozi x reader#woozi smut#minghao x reader#minghao smut#mingyu x reader#mingyu smut#dk x reader#dk smut#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan smut#vernon x reader#vernon smut
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There are two big "AI Art Discourse" events of note recently, which I thought were interesting: ACX's "AI Art Turing Test" and the new paper on "AI Poetry Beating Human Poetry". Both of these I think reveal the shape of "what is AI art for", and also say a lot about how these results were utilized in discourse.
To take the latter first, some academics quizzed people on some poetry and had these results:
We found that AI-generated poems were rated more favorably in qualities such as rhythm and beauty, and that this contributed to their mistaken identification as human-authored. Our findings suggest that participants employed shared yet flawed heuristics to differentiate AI from human poetry: the simplicity of AI-generated poems may be easier for non-experts to understand, leading them to prefer AI-generated poetry and misinterpret the complexity of human poems as incoherence generated by AI.
More human than human poems! This certainly seems impressive - and it is. You couldn't have gotten these results ~5 years ago. But that maybe doesn't mean as much as you might think? Because here is the opening half of the winning "Walt Whitman AI" Poem:
I hear the call of nature, the rustling of the trees, The whisper of the river, the buzzing of the bees, The chirping of the songbirds, and the howling of the wind, All woven into a symphony, that never seems to end. I feel the pulse of life, the beating of my heart, The rhythm of my breathing, the soul's eternal art, The passion of my being, that burns with fervent fire, The urge to live, to love, to strive, to reach up higher. I see the beauty all around, the glory of the earth, The majesty of mountains, the miracles of birth, The wonder of the cosmos, the mysteries of the stars, The poetry of existence, that echoes near and far
This fucking sucks. Straight up 2/10 poem. Did this bitch seriously establish the world's most predictable rhyme scheme only to try to rhyme wind with end? You had one job that you chose for yourself, and you screwed it up! This poem has been written a million times before, and says nothing - the Miley Cyrus lyrics of verse.
The reason this won is, yes, because AI tools have advanced heavily in the past few years. But it is also because it is being tested on a dead art. No one cares about poetry - certainly not the survey respondents:
We asked participants several questions to gauge their experience with poetry, including how much they like poetry, how frequently they read poetry, and their level of familiarity with their assigned poet. Overall, our participants reported a low level of experience with poetry: 90.4% of participants reported that they read poetry a few times per year or less, 55.8% described themselves as ânot very familiar with poetryâ, and 66.8% describe themselves as ânot familiar at allâ with their assigned poet.Â
"Or less" is doing a LOT of work there; "yeah I read a few nonfiction books a year" oh sure, totally. 90% of these respondents haven't read a poem that wasn't displayed in the end credits of Minecraft since high school. No one does, poetry as a medium is essentially a relic. That isn't an insult to poets, by the way! There is no shame in being a niche. Not everyone can have the reach of hentai doujin artists; the community is small but they get a ton out of it. But you can't take the art of the community and expect that art to hit outside of it.
This survey didn't ask people to evaluate art; it asked people to evaluate their stereotypical impression of an art they don't care about. It was ~600 people hired off a website, they banged it out ASAP and moved on. This is not to invalidate the results; I am not actually claiming that "real" poets would have scored much better? Maybe, I don't know - that just isn't very relevant.
Let's swing to the AI Art Turing Test results to get more into why. Again, AI art is absolutely "art" in the sense that it is able to pass the test handily. You have to be head-in-the-sand at this point to think that AI can't make an impressionist painting a la the "most liked" art in this contest:
I have seen the "well real paintings have physicality this is a jpeg" discourse points and the cope couldn't be more real - 99% of art consumption in the modern world is digital or at least prints, let's get you back to bed grandma. But I did find it pretty funny that Scott noted this AI piece as one he particularly liked:
Because it is nonsensical, right? All that "faded paint", how was it originally painted - just bucket splashes of red and blue? What are those random doors, the random stairs going nowhere on the sides, the vague-nothings engravings? Scott just didn't care about that - he liked the vibe, right? Ancient ruins, epic scale. It isn't a coincidence that the Impressionist art did the best - current AI tools are always impressionist, they have an idea of the vibe and invent the details in between. In Impressionism that is the whole point.
Now the trap is to go "REAL artists can tell because of this or that" because idk, the tools might get better, they might fill in more and more details. The real revelation here is that you don't need the tools to get better - visual art isn't so different from poetry. Most people don't pay attention to it all that much. You see thousands, thousands of pieces of art a week; you probably don't even realize how many. Do you really care if the fading paint makes coherent sense on a billboard ad or a doctor's office wall painting? So much art that is made is "industrial" in this sense - it has no need to be good. Only good enough to fulfill its utilitarian role. In these fields AI absolutely is going to Take Your Jobs in some form, and already is (though imo not a ton of them). And it won't really bother most people. This can go pretty deep - I promise you people are "utilizing" AI porn right now. They are ~appreciating the details~ way more than is typical, the product is working.
All this works until it doesn't, though. When it is an art book by a favourite artist whose vision you want to pour over, learning that all the individual details were just made by AI completely defeats the purpose, right? Imagine reading a book of these poems. Outside of the novelty, "AI is the point" factor you would rather watch infomercials on repeat, I can't imagine a more pointless use of my time. "Reading arbitrary poems" is never fun, regardless of the quality of the poems. Most people don't care about poetry! The reason you care is that you care about the poet, and what they want to say. You read poetry with context, it being inserted with intent into the pages of a manga, at the end of a video game, because you like the artist and follow them on twitter. The quality of the prose isn't more important than that.
Which is a harsh limit for all of these kinds of tests. They essentially aren't testing art, right? You do not ever get paid twenty bucks to sit down and read a dozen poems and score them. That has no bearing on how you would actually ever learn to care about a poem. Which doesn't make AI art useless or anything, more that these tests will very quickly run into their limits of what they can meaningfully tell you. The actual bar is "creating something someone cares about". From that lens, I fully believe hybrid methods that privilege artistic intent are currently working and will improve. But I think for "solo" AI art getting that to work is going to be complicated.
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ONE OF THE DAMNED GIRLS PT. 2 (P.SH)
Moving to a city with wild nights and charming days felt like the perfect choice in your head upon finishing college. Hours away from home, you accept a job at a local museum ironically placed dead between a large historic cathedral and a booming gothic nightclub. You were meant to curate the art, not be curated yourself by a local priest who found you with buckled knees outside of said goth club. â part one | MINORS DNI
PAIRING â vampire park sunghoon x afab reader Â
WORDCOUNT â 21.8k
CONTENT â Â modern vampire sunghoon, cathedral/chapel settings, blasphemous behavior, false holy facades, the main vampire trope i use is the act of drinking blood, luring, and living forever, heavy manipulation and toxic behaviors, mentions of reader being alt/goth
SIDE CHARACTERSâ Â jungwon as your very very best friend who has an installation at the museum (you guys are attached at the hip), jay as the hot bisexual bartender at the goth club, some goth guy named balorÂ
!WARNINGS! â dubious consent (due to the act of mind manipulation), hunting and playing victim, a lot of blood: blood sucking, wounds/puncturing, menstruation in a sexual light, manipulation, near-death experiences, fainting, talk of death, acts of mind control/luringÂ
NOTE â you must read part one to understand the story. anyway i did not mean to go in so deep with jungwon, i just really fucking adore him please forgive me. anyway, this is briefly edited. if you see a typo, shhhhhh, i don't wanna know.
tags under cut
smut tags [ these tags refer to both parts of the fic] â big meat sunghoon, biting, A LOT OF BLOOD, sucking and drinking of blood obv, pussy eating (once while reader is menstruating, and another time where she isnât), deep penetration, rough sex, unprotected sex bc likeâŠheâs dead so lmfao, missionary, scratching, dirty talk, body worship, praise, jungwon is involved in a bit of an erotic situation but there is not smut involving him,Â
other tags [ these tags refer to both parts of the fic]â depictions of death, anti-religious language, the act of dying including intense descriptions of the feeling, mentions of pimping and human trafficking, corrupt government, dead nuns, funerals
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âMy love, let me.âÂ
You sit up only to be eased back onto the soft mattress. Pillows plush against your head as Sunghoon dabs away at each puncture heâs left on you.Â
âYou know you canât sit up so quickly, just rest and let me.âÂ
Youâre littered with his bites by now and you only grow more and more enamored with the feeling of it. Or, perhaps you just enjoy the fact that heâs fixated on drinking from you. Multiple times a day, until your fingers and toes are numb, until you can barely stand without dropping to the floor.Â
Enamored through all of it, really. With the way he bites so gently only to suck harder and harder until his fingers grip and pierce through your skin much like his teeth do. Heâll hold you so hard through it, forcing arousal to run through you every single time he goes for that artery in your thigh. You think thatâs his favorite spot to bite, if the dozens of wounds there are anything to go by. Truly, youâre enamored with him, always wanting to give him more just so he stays with you longer.Â
You seem to have lost yourself in the lust of it all. The fantasy, the desire. On the brink of insanity, you know youâve grown obsessed with what Sunghoon does to you, and itâs to the point that you donât question yourself like you normally would. Your desire for this is too strong, far too intimidating to doubt.Â
But since that night, he always leaves you with blood against his lips. Aroused, frustrated, confused. Never once letting a hand stray too far, never letting his lips trace anywhere but to your wounds or new expanse of skin that needs to be bitten.Â
For days now youâve been here. You lay here one full day since you were supposed to be back at work too, just waiting for the moment Sunghoon will do more than just drink from you. Mostly for a confirmation. It feels like youâre forcing yourself to go missing for this alone and every night you lie awake in this room waiting, wanting more from him now than you think you ever have.
The room you're in now is lonely, though adorned nearly as beautiful as the one you were in the night Sunghoon stole you away. You know the place you want to be is just down the hall, but your legs wonât carry you there no matter how much you try. Heâs rendered you bed ridden and you miss it there, with his silk sheets and candle lit walls.Â
Then again, maybe itâs not the room at all that you miss. Maybe itâs just Sunghoon.
You canât help but note that when heâs on you or next to you, thereâs nowhere else youâd rather be. But when youâre alone, you feel your skin crawl with such immense anxiety that you nearly want to scream out for him to come back. Several times already you have called out for him mere moments after heâs left the room. It gives you hope in knowing that each time, he does return to you even if just for a moment.Â
All of it is very arousing when he comes to you, but itâs killing you inside to know that he does nothing more than feed off of you. You get nothing out of it but his presence, and perhaps he expects that to be enough. Itâs driving you insane to give everything you have to him so willingly, knowing he hasnât offered anything back to you.Â
The fact that you want this, you want him, and you want to be the only blood he craves? Itâs a feeling youâve had to accept, because trying to deny it at this point would only lead you down a more destructive path. As if the one youâre on now isnât already killing you, if not physically, emotionally. You want to be the person lying in his bed again so badly. You want to show him that youâre no longer terrified. You want to give him equal arousal and interest.Â
But he doesnât offer it. No, he simply bites.Â
âI can do it.â You say to him in a frustrated sigh. âIâm not helpless, you know.âÂ
Heâs taken aback by the way you rip the gauze from his hands, sitting up and scooting away from him when you dip it into the bowl of alcohol. Your head spins at the act, but you push through the weakness anyway, knowing he doesnât like the distance youâre creating between him and you.Â
You donât like the distance either, but itâs helpful to know he doesnât ignore it.Â
âIâm aware.â Sunghoon narrows his eyes at the way your heart is beating for him right now, taking the gauze back from you and gripping your arm to pull you back and against him. âWhy are you being difficult?âÂ
He cleans a wound just under your jaw as he looks at you, waiting for you to answer him. You stare back as if itâs the most obvious thing in the world, not wincing at all like you previously had when he lets the alcohol burn the swollen punctures.
âHah, so you canât read minds?â You confirm for yourself, though you had the suspicion that he couldnât. âYou just keep doing thisââ You continue, trying not to sound as if youâre nagging. âAnd nothing else.â
He tilts his head as he moves the gauze to another part of your neck, knowing full well what it is you want.Â
âNothing else?â He repeats in a sly question. âIs there more you want?â
You nod slightly, feeling the cold alcohol send a shiver across your skin, your head finally clearing of the dizziness just from sitting up.
âName it.âÂ
Somehow, you lose the ability to ask for what you want. It feels silly to be mad that he hasnât given you any sexual pleasure despite feeding off of you for days now. Is it insane that sex is all you want in return? Should you ask for financial compensation or something?Â
âAh.â He answers for you with an all-knowing smirk, his nostrils flaring as he inhales your scent. âYou want pleasure, yes?â
âDo you not?â You ask simply, and he pulls back with the gauze to look at you dumbfounded.Â
For a solid twenty seconds the two of you stare at each other before heâs dropping the gauze into the bowl and pulling you against him in full, turning your body so that your back is to his chest. His strong arms are still cold, but you feel warm enough against him like this.
âIt pleases me to know you want it.â He smiles against the top of your head. âUnfortunately, I have other things to tend to.â He continues, pausing to hold you a bit closer. âI still have to feed, love, and I still need to maintain order here. I cannot just spread your legs every waking minute.âÂ
Youâre not asking for him to fuck you every waking minute. It makes you feel as if heâs annoyed to even use such words regarding this. Still, your cheeks warm at his sweet voice.Â
âAs much as Iâd like to.âÂ
Oh. Your cheeks arenât just warm, theyâre on fire at those words. Youâd grasp at anything right now, despite feeling like an afterthought. You donât like that youâre not a priority to him, even though he fucking feeds on you consistently. To the point you canât even stand for a full minute without fucking fainting from blood loss. Still, you accept his words and try to think of the positives over the negatives.Â
Unfortunately, youâll never be satisfied with just his words and a mere ten seconds later youâre right back to questioning, doubting, and feeling upset.Â
So he can feed this often, but not even slip a finger into you through it?Â
Priorities. He has to feed, he said? Does he not already?!Â
âWait, Sunghoon, you do feed.â You argue. âOn me.âÂ
He shakes his head at your ignorance of believing heâll ever truly have enough of you. Even past death, heâll never have enough. Which is precisely why youâre still breathing.Â
âThere are needs I have that youâve yet to understand. You satiate the hunger, yes, but that is nothing more than a feeling, not a truth.âÂ
You try to comprehend his words but fall short. Only because that would meanâ
âYouâre becoming afraid again,â He comments on your heart rate. âCalm yourself, darling, the need within me is no fault of my own and Iâll continue to keep you from seeing the act take place.â
Thereâs silence from you as you try to calm yourself down. Of course he has to feed, butâŠis that not what heâs already been doing to you? Your heart isnât racing from fear, itâs racing fromâjealousy.
âSo, mine isnât enough?â You feel your heart shatter a bit when you voice it, knowing full well that for him to be full, he likely has to kill.
Why are you jealous? Well, if youâre so irresistible like he says you are, why does he hold back? Why are you still alive? Does your blood not taste as good as whoever else heâs been having at? Why does he keep you around, but no one else? Maybe theyâre the ones who are irresistible, and youâre just a placeholder for if he canât find his meal for the night. Maybe heâs just using you.Â
âHmm.â Sunghoon thinks hard at your question. âYouâre feeling envious?âÂ
You donât respond to him or the way he clocks your jealousy, and instead shake his grip off of you before grabbing the gauze yourself again.
He watches you take the material and dip it into the liquid, moving it down your legs and to the assault of wounds against your thigh.Â
âYouâre truly strange.â He licks his lips at the sight of your thighs, listening closely to the artery you have there, always so hungry for more but knowing he need not drink for the time being. After all, heâs just eaten. âAlmost as unnatural as I am.âÂ
You have to force back a smile at the truth of his words though, softening at the way he compares you to him like the two of you fit together perfectly. The jealousy rages within you, but so does this strange adoration you have for him.Â
âTo think I donât crave you? Have I not shown you already?âÂ
âHmm, you might need to remind me.â Youâre being playful now, trying to get what you want. Entirely thankful for the way he solves every problem you have with him in your head even if just for a moment.
You think youâll always miss him on a deeper level than just sitting and speaking though.
âWhen can I leave the room?â You ask now, suddenly. âWhen can I come back to your room?âÂ
Sunghoon doesnât fight his own smile, loving the way you stay of your own free will, even while upset with him for not giving you more than that single night of love making.Â
âNot yet, love.â He mutters now, knowing that itâs not likely for you to be able to make it down the hallway without calling for his help, also knowing that he canât give you what you want again so soon.Â
âOh.â You look at him, face falling. âLet me guess, because you have better shit to do.âÂ
âStill so envious.â He shakes his head with a laugh. âYouâll learn soon enough how I need you.âÂ
Just, not yet.Â
After all, he drinks you until he has no choice but to stop. Multiple times a day, draining you until itâs near dangerous. The fact that you enjoy it drives him to do it more and more.Â
You think itâs easy for him to utilize self-control around you? You think he doesnât want to experience you in every way you can offer? With those pretty sounds you make? God, he misses the way your body hugged his cock so much. Youâre out of your mind to think heâs holding out on you because he doesnât want it. Because you're not good enough? Stupid, stupid girl.Â
He needs it. He wants it. Heâs fucking obsessed with what you do to him.
Youâre truly not the only one trying to adjust to this situation. He has to be very careful with you, and having sex with you could very well break the resolve heâs forced into himself. A simple touch from you that feels too good could have him acting on a split second decision, drinking until youâre dead and cold, just like him.Â
Essentially, he has to train himself to your scent and taste. Sure, heâs been fucking nearly every victim since his cock started working again, but it doesnât change the fact that heâd rather it be you. In fact, the only reason heâs fucking them is to satiate the need to destroy everything that you are for his own desire of having you.Â
The issue is that his drive to kill is insanely high, smelling you just down the hall makes every new victim taste better. It makes his cock fuck harder, it makes their bodies feel almost good enough for him to release. But theyâre not you, and itâs rendering him unable to control himself.Â
His recent victims? Oh, it ends so gruesomely. He feels overheated in the moment, drenched, fucking feral when he makes his kill. Wishing it was you, ignoring the scent of the person beneath him just to smell you from a different room.Â
If he gets his hands on you when heâs in that state of mind again, youâll be gone forever. Thatâs something Sunghoon wouldnât be able to live with. Already heâs controlled himself through it once and that may very well have been the hardest thing heâs done in his life. He canât promise that he can hold back again.
Until he can feed and fuck without feeling his instinct grab him by the throat, he cannot do more than small feedings with you. That alone is training all on its own, because every single time he feeds, he struggles not to take all of it.Â
Bit by bit. Sunghoon has to take you piece by fucking piece. And your willingness to do it, entirely awake and aware, makes it all the more difficult.Â
He canât tell you this. Not yet, at least. Youâd know the danger youâre in. Nor can he pretend like he will let you leave out of fear. He needs to keep this peace with you until he can truly enjoy you in a way that will ensure youâll be alive and well after the fact.
And so, he changes the subject, grabbing you even tighter and hugging you in the way any modern boyfriend would. This. This is something he can handle.
âAre you bored of me carrying you across the room?â He asks. âDo you miss walking on your own two feet that much, if just to make it to my room?â He smiles now, making jokes with you that feel a bit dry when it hits your ears.Â
âAre you implying that Iâm a slut?â You laugh at his attempt to make you smile, slapping against his cold arm playfully. âThat the only reason I want to leave this room is to come into yours and fuck you?âÂ
He shrugs from behind you, hugging tighter, wanting to be under your skin with that beating heart.
âAm I not right to assume? You little harlot.âÂ
Well, he got you there.Â
And you laugh with him about it, living in your little fantasy world like this never has to end. Reality looms taller than Sunghoon does, unfortunately.Â
He can feel your heart rate pick up when your laugh slows down.Â
âBut, Sunghoon, I canât stay here for much longer like this.â You drop it on him like itâs the easiest thing in the world, and oh how he wishes you could just disappear with him. âI havenât been home, my phone is there and Iâm sure people have been calling.â
His eyes darken at your words as he pushes you from his grasp. Already you wish to leave? After complaining to him about what he doesnât give you? Is that why youâre saying this right now? No sex means youâll leave?Â
Serves him right for not using the pull on you. He should have kept hold of your mind rather than relish in your willingness.Â
âIâve missed work already.â Your voice gets smaller as you watch him move from the bed and stand in front of you, the scent of cinnamon assaulting your nose along with his darkened and intimidating facial expression. âIâ Iâllâcome back. I promise.â You cower immediately.
Sunghoon shakes his head at you.Â
âDid I not make myself clear?â He deepens his voice, unsure of how to handle his own internal panic. âNever have I let a commoner leave this cathedral alive and knowing the truth.âÂ
âAre youâthreatening me?â You ask, scooting away from him and accidentally knocking over the bowl of alcohol with your foot.Â
âDid you not just say you envy the others? Envy dying by my hand?â He questions you back, looming over you in an intimidating stance. Suddenly much, much taller than reality. âEvery time youâve said youâd come back, youâve done no such thing. Have I upset you this much?â
You frantically shake your head.Â
âNo, no!â You lift your hands in defense, reaching out to his towering figure. âI want to be here with you! You just said yourself that you have things to tend to, so do I! If I donât show up at work, or at least have my phone, people will have the fucking cops out and looking for me!âÂ
Sunghoon softens, cinnamon air fading out within a second. He feels only slightly ashamed of his immediate outburst when all you can offer back to him is truth. Perhaps youâre the only one living in the real world, even if heâs been living in it for far, far, longer.Â
Youâve pulled him into a fantasy, just like he has for you. He truly let himself forget that youâre no victim thatâs meant to die. You canât just disappear without question, and already it has been days.Â
Still, you canât just leave him.Â
âI see.â He says, reaching down to grab at the hands you have clinging to his clothes in an attempt to calm himself more than you. âShall I retrieve your device for you then?âÂ
You slowly nod, looking away from him and ignoring the fact that as much as you do want to be here with him, the fact that he just implied that you can never leave is a bitâ um, intense. So, you donât argue when you nod to him. If anything, to keep the peace.
âIâll see to it that you have it in your hands by tonight. And in time, Iâll invite you back to my quarters.â Ending his sentence with a bribe to keep you here felt fitting, and heâs thankful for the way you accept it.Â
You nod quicker now, entirely satisfied with his words when he steps back and away from you.Â
âNow, please finish cleaning your wounds. I donât want to taste infection in you.âÂ
Despite feeling better about it, wanting him still, those words hurt you. You feel insulted by the time he leaves you alone in the room. Like if you got an infection heâd simply lose interest in you, or perhaps end this love of your blood he has.Â
He may even just go ahead and kill you if that were to happen.
It drives you to clean yourself twice over. Three times over. Unwilling to lose the feeling of someone biting you so gently, unwilling to die because your use to him has run out. And it feels like you clean yourself all day. To the point youâre probably making yourself more susceptible to infection rather than protecting yourself from it.Â
And in this room, time doesnât exist. Thereâs a window indicating where the sun is in the sky, but hours and minutes are meaningless. Only when the sun is up do you start counting, knowing that Sunghoon will only visit you during nightfall.Â
You clean yourself for what you assume to be hours upon hours, all the way up until the sun falls and you hear the door creak open. You expect to see Sunghoon coming in for his routine of drinking from you, but instead, you find a pale-eyed nun rush to you with your phone and immediately leave after.Â
A quick presence is gone within a moment, but you pay no mind as you look down at your phone. Youâre thankful for the fact that itâs probably been on the charger all four days youâve been gone. Considering, well, thereâs no electricity this high up in the cathedral, youâll have to save your battery as best as you can.Â
So many missed calls.Â
Even more missed texts.Â
Dozens of emails.Â
Jungwon.
In the morning after you left your apartment, he checked in with you. All throughout the day too. It wasnât until that same night where his texts became frantic. A little, âiâm coming over, fuck you if you get mad at me for it.â followed by âare you mad at me? why wonât you respond?âÂ
You couldnât help but chuckle at that.
Really though, it hurts your heart to have forgotten about him entirely during your time here. Reading through his texts, you see him fight with himself over your absence. Up until yesterday, where he texts you from the museum.Â
A glaring âstopped by again today only to realize your apartment was unlocked this whole time. iâm with your boss now, we are calling the cops if you donât respond within the next ten seconds.âÂ
A full day late, you respond quickly.Â
You: wonnie!!! iâm sorry! I got sad and went home to see my mom. totally ignored my phoneâŠand forgot to lock the door i guess
You: you know, hormones lolÂ
Immediate spam. Your phone vibrates aggressively back to back with his frantic texts.Â
Wonnie: you have to be fucking JOKING
Wonnie: NOT A SINGLE WORD FROM YOU. YOU COULD HAVE CALLED WORK OR
SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE ELSEâS PHONE. I WAS AT YOUR PLACE EVERY DAY.
Wonnie: i CANNOT believe you!!!!!!!!!!!
Wonnie: your whole ass apartment was unlocked and you werenât there! anyone couldâve walked right in!!!!! are you stupid or something?Â
Wonnie: are you home now?
Wonnie: iâm so mad at you FUCK
Wonnie: i got so scared
Wonnie: im coming over
You panic.Â
You: wait, iâm not home yet. I didnât mean to stay so long, I promise ill be home soon and fill you in on everything.Â
Wonnie: call your boss.Â
Wonnie: ill deal with the cops, then im gonna be waiting outside of your apartment
Wonnie: donât ever fucking do that shit again, been crying all morning
Wonnie: i hate you so much right now, im never talking to you again
Wonnie: get your stupid ass back homeÂ
You smile fondly at his worry, but the smile is short lived as you know you probably canât leave here. Not only from the fact that Sunghoon appears to be unwilling to let you leave but youâŠdonât want to.
Still, you do need to call your boss, and you make quick work of it. Sitting dissociated through the mindless scolding of your terrible lie of an excuse, and then the following call from the local police department.Â
Arguably, speaking to the police was easier than knowing youâll have to lie to Jungwon again. At least the police are aware that youâre a grown woman who can disappear if she wishes. Jungwon, on the other hand, requires a little more care and consideration.Â
Youâre tired by the time you lay your phone down, unable to keep your eyes open as you drift off.Â
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Some time later, you wake to the same familiar scent of Sunghoon wafting from under your door. It doesnât process yet in your brain that youâve not smelled it since the night you wandered from your apartment. But now? Oh, itâs strong.Â
Itâs very, very strong.Â
Your drowsy eyes look to the door as your legs carry you there, and out you go. Down the hallway, straight to those big doors, straight through those big doors.
The scent burns in your throat the moment you step inside, blurry eyes witnessing two figures right there on the floor. The only clear thing you can make out are his darkened narrowed eyes, only because your brain refuses to process the act taking place in front of you at first.
He looksâŠrabid. Hair is a mess, sticky and dripping with thick metallic liquid.Â
Oh, it sounds so loud. The squelching and the smacking of skin. Your stomach drops, the pit inside of it flourishing with nothing short of rotted desire.Â
Right there on the floor of his room lies a woman seemingly experiencing god. Sunghoon is moaning with his eye trained on your shocked figure. He ignores the womanâs aroused grasps against his arms to keep his eyes trained on you. And he justâŠsmirks through it, licking his lips, rolling his eyes back only for them to fall right back to you.
The squelching rings in your ears as he moves faster, feverishly chasing a hunt heâs already got lying beneath him. Almost as if catching him in the act aroused him more than he already had been. Like heâs showing you how much more heâd prefer someone else over you.Â
He moans your name inwardly again and again, as if to call you forward to him but your feet can no longer move as you process the act with each call of your name.Â
Heâs fucking her. Heâs devouring her.Â
Not you. Her.Â
You can feel your heart shrivel at the act when you stumble back, a twisting pain in your chest that you feel silly over. You barely know Sunghoon, but somehow it feels like heâs given you more of himself than he has anyone else. He speaks that way to you, anyway. Always with the words of âIâve never done this, until you.âÂ
That was a lie. Youâre seeing it now with your own two eyes and youâre paying for believing that you, somehow, could be special. And the pain in your chest travels all throughout your body at the fact that you let this man bite you. You let him take and take until you could barely stand, until you could barely think, until you were right on the cusp of death.Â
And you still want to do that for him. But now? Heâs grown bored of you. Perhaps he intends to let this woman live too. Perhaps sheâs silly enough to fall for a sweet vampireâs words too.
You stumble back more, forcing your legs to work with you rather than against you. Itâs like your body has a mind of its own when he smells so welcoming. Cinnamon, spicy, sweet, painful cinnamon. Such a suffocating smell, easy to give in to and grow weak for. At least for you, thatâs how it feels.Â
When you force yourself to turn around, only to continue stumbling down the hallway, your eyes work against you now too. You knew it would happen though and itâs not something you can stop. The burn and blur of tears prickling at the corners, your throat scratchy and sore.Â
You try to hold it in, feeling as if life is being suffocated out of you all the way down. Down, down, down. Past the nuns, past the beautiful and intricate interior, and straight out of the big front doors of the cathedral.Â
No goodbyes.Â
The breezy night air smacks you hard, forcing a sobbed breath out of you. You dry heave for a moment, squeezing your eyes shut so tight just to try and regain control of yourself and your emotions. The images behind your eyes flash back and forth. Youâve not just witnessed death, but the pleasure of death. Well, if he kills the woman, anyway.Â
And you still canât fathom it. The way you feel, the way youâre reacting, the intense desire for death if it means Sunghoon wants you that badly. Never would you have guessed that a feeling so deeply terrifying exists. But it does, youâre witnessing it overtake the deepest parts of you right now.Â
Fuck, you didnât want to leave but you did. And now here you are, freed from a grasp that you still want so badly.Â
Your lungs burn and your chest hurts more than the swollen puncture wounds all over your body. Everything is burning. Itâs too, too, hot inside of your skin right now and thereâs nothing more youâd rather do than to crawl out of it and freeze.Â
Still, you do your best to control the emotions within you. You take a short look around only to feel the head rush hit you now like it should have when you stood from your bed. Right, the blood in your body likely isnât enough to keep you upright for long and you know youâll likely not make it to your apartment in this state.Â
But you try. Your eyes are out of focus and your legs are clumsy as you try to walk. Down the sidewalk you go, untilâ
âWoah, little lady.âÂ
You hear Balorâs voice echo in your ears. The sound of safety feeling so, so far away.Â
You canât even thank him for it because your vision blurs more at the feeling of big, leather clad arms holding you upright, and thenâ youâre out.
Youâre not sure how much time has passed by the time youâre able to hold your eyes open again, but when you do, Jungwon is here and so is that hot bartender you forgot existed. And as you try to comprehend where you are, you learn very quickly that youâre in the back room of the club with concerned eyes focused on..not your face, your body.
âLetâs get you home.â Jungwonâs concerned voice settles in your ears, and only now do you feel his warm hands soothing you against your shoulders.Â
âOr maybe a hospital?â Jay offers, also inspecting your skin and the weak state of your body as you try to sit up.Â
âNo, no. Iâm okay, really.â You say, immediately starting to cry out. âPlease, just take me home.âÂ
And so, home is where you go. Jay drives both you and Jungwon there with a kind voice and worried eyes. You see him make the attempt to hug you before leaving, but Jungwon is quick to stop him with a small shake of his head.Â
âLet me know when youâre feeling better.â Is all Jay says when he leaves, which, youâre sure he didnât intend to leave but of course, Jungwon. You can see that he wants to be the one here with you and he insisted to Jay that heâs got you.Â
It heals your heart a little bit, but doesnât change the fact that youâre embarrassed for not only Jungwon to be pulled into your mess, but Jay too?Â
Youâre humiliated.Â
And by the time Jungwon has undressed and redressed you, ignoring the intense smell of alcohol against your skin for now, heâs immediately lying next to you, clinging to you really.Â
 Youâre aware of what he saw when he removed your clothes. You heard the breath he took in, you saw his confusion at how the clothes you had on were very much not from your closet. Heâs going to ask, and you knew he would.
âYouâre really cold.â He says in a cracked voice, gentle and sweet as he tries to warm you up. âYou werenât with your mom, were you?âÂ
You weakly shake your head.Â
âYou were with that guy you told me about before.â He says now, grabbing you tighter pretending he doesnât know just how many wounds you have under your clothes. He canât help but hold you tighter, even if it hurts you.
âWhat did he do to you?âÂ
Your throat starts to burn as you cry again. You can barely process whatâs happened yourself and explaining it to someone else only feels that much harder.Â
The pulsing in your head is too much, you canât even think straight right now.Â
âIt wasââ You try to calm down, breathing in deep but avoiding eye contact. âIt was consensual, donât worry.âÂ
Jungwonâs eyes narrow, staring at the deep bite marks on your neck. Heâs quick to lift himself up, ripping your shirt up and off of you without so much as trying to be gentle. His panic is blatant and heâs entirely unable to hide how pissed off he is right now.
âNo, it wasn't.â He dead-pans as he presents your own body to you, his voice coming out harsher than usual. âYouâd be out of your fucking mind to think i believe that this was consensual.âÂ
He glares at the swollen marks, unsure as to what to do with himself.Â
âFuck,â He scoffs your name along with the curse, throwing his hands up. âFucking look at them.â
You turn away from him now, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively in an attempt to not peer at what you wish you could have more of. You know what this looks like though, and youâre really trying to see things from his perspective.Â
ButâŠItâs hard after everything youâve witnessed yourself.Â
âIt was.â You say again. âI practically begged him to keep doing it.âÂ
Jungwon falls silent as he counts. 1, 2, 3, 13, 25, 56, 72, still more.
âI wasnât going to come home, you know.â You sigh out at the silence of his counting.Â
More silence.Â
âWas gonna stay and never leave.âÂ
âWhat? Why?â He panics more at the admittance, dropping down over you and forcing your arms from yourself, trying to pretend he didnât re-open some of your wounds by tearing your shirt off of you.Â
You can hear your best friend crying at the way you hide from him, all bloodied and bruised, but you keep your eyes closed even tighter. All he can do is lend you the entire weight of his body, enveloping you in all of his warmth and care, using his entire body to shield you from even the air in your room.Â
âWhat did he do?â Jungwon pleads for an answer with a cracked whisper. He needs context. Anything to explain the state of you right now.
âYou wouldnât understand.âÂ
âWhat did he do?â He presses again, voice only cracking more as he cries along with you.Â
âItâs more so what he didnât do.âÂ
Silence again.Â
âWhat did he fucking do?âÂ
You take in a deep breath, sighing out against your best friendâs fluffy hair, humming at his warmth and how much youâve missed it.Â
Thereâs nothing you can say to make him understand, all you can do is try because hearing him like this is, arguably, just making it more painful.
âI just really liked him, and I guess he didnât like me so much in the end.âÂ
Jungwon chooses to take that at face value, opting to not let you out of his sight from this moment forward if he can help it. At one point with you, he was worried about being too clingy. Truly, he was afraid he would annoy you by attaching himself. Never has he grown so close to a person so fast and never has he gained such comfort within someone elseâs bubble like he does with you. The comfort is still there, but no longer does he give a single fuck about clinging too much. You clearly cling too.
If you cling enough to let a man abuse your body like that, youâll be able to handle him clinging just as much, enough to care for you, and enough to not fucking leave your side. Heâs not going anywhere, and thereâs not a damn thing you can do about it.
After all, heâs not stupid, but heâs willing to act as dumb as you need him to if it means youâll let him keep you within arms reach. In his head, thereâs no way you fell into something with someone who could do this to you without reason, and it appears itâs not a question heâll get a clear answer from you any time soon.Â
It doesnât matter if his installation will come to an end at some point. He canât just leave you here when thereâs some strange man running around biting the fuck out of people like a rabid dog. Abusing his best friend? No. He wonât have it and he doesnât care if he has to force you to accept his protection.
He canât do much for you, but heâs willing to at least be here with you.Â
âHey, itâs okay.â Jungwon soothes you, clinging tighter just to feel some of those reopened wounds bleed onto him. His voice is a stark reminder that thereâs more to feel in your body than just pain. âI wonât let him near you again, okay?â
You nod, still crying as you cling back, trying to ignore the images in your head of Sunghoon.Â
âOkay.â You lie, missing him too much already, the faint scent of cinnamon still in your nose.Â
And you fall asleep like that. Warm.Â
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You hate calling it an âescape.â You carried yourself out of that beautiful cathedral against your body begging you to stay. Still, even now with Jungwon clinging so warmly at night, you wish you had never left.Â
Even the pain of seeing what Sunghoon does behind your back, the jealousy that came with it, you would have stayed if only to prove your worth to him. Being so close to death is exhilarating, and you find yourself feeling entirely empty and void of any emotion that brings joy because of it.Â
This isnât depression, nor is it simple envy. This sadness within you sinks lower than you thought possible, so deeply rooted within you that you feel death itself couldnât even allow a safe escape. After all, if vampires are real, who's to say you won't end up as a tormented ghost forever searching for a man who can never die?
Damned if you live, damned if you die, so to say. You canât have Sunghoon either way, you can only have him while suffering.Â
And oh, how you miss the cold. You miss his cold. You miss the fear too. You miss the way heâd laugh with no breath against you and drink from your thighs like he needed more. You miss the way your wounds would pulse in pain and lend little reminders of the teeth that pierced them. Even now, theyâre healing so well.
And it still hurts.
It hurts to know he said, while holding you, that he craves you. That he very much wants you but has things to tend to. The fact that he needed to tend to fucking other women while drenched in their blood? Things to tend to.Â
Because to Sunghoon, real life women, breathing women, are minimized to things to tend to.
Fucking vampires.Â
Itâs been a week now since you left and it hasnât gotten easier. During the week, Jungwon hasnât so much as let you shower without the bathroom door open. You guess thatâs fair.Â
Still, it has only been a week. A week of everything moving fast, a week of Jungwon, a week of slow and dreadful acceptance, and a week of smelling nothing but faint, ever so slight, cinnamon.Â
By now you know itâs him. Like heâs truly dug his claws into you and doesnât intend to let you forget all that he took from you. Always that fucking smell, from the first night you met him until now. Yet he is nowhere to be seen, even when you stare at the cathedral after the sun goes down.Â
No one has left. No one has gone inside.Â
Part of you even found yourself worrying if heâs eaten. Hah. Funny.
Still, youâre forced to live in reality now. Nothing but healing wounds, meaningful days, and reminders that you let yourself fall as quickly and painfully as possible.Â
Youâre entirely dissociated, as if youâre gliding rather than walking, as if each day passes in a second rather than a twenty four hour time span, as if youâre truly empty now and not filled with the blood you thought meant so much.Â
Somehow, you find comfort in the emptiness though. Jungwon fills the space as best he can too. He always accepts your rejections of going to update Jay at the club just to sit between your legs on the living room floor and try to make you laugh through silly faces riddled with concern.
You assume heâs in contact with Jay anyway, letting him know that youâre not quite dead yet.Â
The days blur together now, up until two weeks pass, three weeks, four, five weeks.
Thankfully, by the fifth week, itâs gotten easier. Each day you just have to remind yourself that you can never forget Jungwon again like you did before. Heâs the one who helped you through this, and to think youâd ever make him go through this again is insane. In fact, heâs the reason you finally feel good inside again.Â
Heâs like medicine, which is cringe and lame as fuck to say but itâs true. Internally, heâs made you feel better. Yet, right beside all those happy warm feelings lies everything else. Distress, sadness, anxiety.Â
They still seep out of you too. Every night, really, after the daytime wears off and Jungwon runs out of things to distract you with.
âWhy do you have to look at me like that?â Jungwon says sweetly, sprawled out on your bed in his pajamas as he watches you pace around your room. âI swear, itâs like everything I say to you goes through one ear and out the other.âÂ
You pause in your step, sad eyes reaching his face.Â
âI already told you Iâm not going home.â He repeats himself for what feels like the thousandth time to you. âIâm still getting paid, I have enough to last me if you let me stay here before finding work.â
After all, itâs not like Jungwon has anything to go back home to. Save for an annoying sister who probably wanted him to move the fuck out of her space anyway. Heâs the last person on this earth to be afraid to up and move out with a near stranger.
Youâre not so much a stranger to him though, and the need to be by your side far outweighs anything else right now.Â
âYeah, but, eventually.â
Never have you been one to worry about fleeting time. Never until you met that dead motherfucker. You worry about not what is happening, but what will happen. The inevitable. You no longer welcome it.Â
Itâs not death that brings the anxiety though, itâs justâŠthe clock.Â
With the ticking, the tocking, and the changing of seasons. Everything lasts both too long and not long enough. At this moment, the fear is Jungwon leaving at some point in your life. For any reason at all, really.Â
Heâs been by your side since you found your way back to him. A nuisance at times, yes, but youâre attached. To an unhealthy degree, you are fucking attached to him at the hip. Heâs your only grounding force on this earth and you think heâs picking up on it.Â
To the point heâs offered to drop his entire life an hour away just to stay for you.Â
Yes, Jungwon recognizes how toxic and unhealthy the friendship has become, but he doesnât know what else to do. He canât just leave, nor does he want to. Even if heâs the one who leaves to get your mail, heâs the one who cooks, and heâs the one who holds you close at night, reminding you that time doesnât have to mean a damn thing if you try hard enough to forget about the man who doesnât experience it at all.
Thereâs no way you can get through a single day without him right now, and the thought of having to do it in the future scares you.Â
You know itâs pathetic. You know you have no right to keep him in a box next to you as a comfort, you know heâs still got a life to live and romance to find. ButâŠyou hate it.Â
âEventually what?â He quirks a brow at you, having been concerned for you and the shift in your entire personality yet again tonight. Youâve changed for the worse, and it terrifies him to see you act so gone.Â
âYouâre gonna leave me here alone.â Your voice is small, cracking when you say it only because you hear the words ring in your ears.Â
A pathetic whine, as if youâre speaking to someone else and not Jungwon. Youâre not you anymore. No, youâve become obsessed with the looping memories and feelings that took a mere four days to fall in love with.Â
Addicted to emptiness but begging for Jungwon to forever be the crutch you stand on.Â
Youâre selfish and you have no fucking right to do this to him.
âHeyâŠâ He rolls out of bed and steps up to you, easily putting a soothing hand against your shoulder. âDo you want me to stay?â
You nod. Knowing this same situation happens nearly every night. You panic, he soothes. You beg, he reminds you that heâs the one who offered in the first place. You ask him to stay, he confirms by asking you to let him.
And to him, he knows this is anything but a romantic partnership. You very much need someone here who is willing to play dumb but remain hyper aware. He wants to be this person for you because of his own selfish reasons too.Â
Itâs not all for you.
For one, he wants the girl back that he met last month. Secondly, he wants to see you learn and grow, because he knows you have a long and beautiful life ahead of you (and he better be fucking part of it.) And lastly, heâs never felt needed like this and thereâs something in him that craves to be important too.Â
Itâs not too difficult for Jungwon to find people thatâs important to him. Really, it never takes much. Perhaps someone held the door open for him, heâd probably jump in front of a bus for that person not two seconds later. But to feel just as important to someone else?Â
He needs to be here with you. As toxic as it may seem to outsiders, Jungwon sees nothing wrong with being the person you need simply because youâre the person he needs too.Â
âThen stop saying stupid shit.â He mopes now as he pulls you back to your bed and holds you much like he always does, trying to lighten the mood. âYouâre always okay at work, but I swear the second we come home youâre falling apart.â
You freeze, falling apart instantly.Â
âI wish youâd tell me what happened.â He says now, jumping into the typical routine of calming and soothing you. âI donât know what to do when you get like this.â
You wish you would tell him too.Â
But if he knew, that hope of ever seeing Sunghoon again would crumble. Already, Jungwon swears to you that he will never let this happen to you again. But you want it to, so, so badly.Â
Even if youâre taking advantage of his care by letting him treat you like a child who canât escape a tantrum, he really flipped his whole life because you chose to live in a crisis.Â
You chose to do this to yourself and to Jungwon.Â
Finally, you look up at him with your fingers gripping him.
âI ask so much from you.â You sniffle when you say it, immediately calming yourself and feeling like a fucking idiot for doing this. âI feel like Iâm going insane.âÂ
He nods.
âYou kind of are.â He confirms for you. âAnd you have to talk about it eventually, itâs just going to keep hurting if you donât.â
Heâs right. Heâs always right.Â
And like always, every single time you imagine how youâll tell him, nothing in your brain can form a sentence. But you do try and by now, accustomed to your pain, you feel like something needs to be said before he grows tired of you too.Â
âI donât know why, but I wanted him to kill me so badly.âÂ
Saying it out loud doesnât feel as good as you wanted it to, not with the way Jungwonâs face immediately contorts into panic.
âWha-â
âBut he wouldnât do it.â You shake your head, refusing eye contact. âHeâd do it to everyone else, but not to me.âÂ
âWait, what?â
Maybe choosing to say that of all things was a mistake. After all, you did appear stumbling down the street near death already. Jungwon isnât going to take what youâre saying lightly and you were stupid to believe otherwise.
âHave you ever smelled cinnamon?â You continue, trying to skew the conversation from his panic.
Jungwon is flipping his shit trying to make sense of your words. You wanted this guy to kill you? Well, he damn near fucking did and even now, while heâs not around, youâre practically dead already in terms of everything but breathing. And what the fuck do you mean heâd do it to everyone else?!Â
Are you referring to an emotional death? Trying to make this shit sound poetic? Or did you really want to die?Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?â Jungwonâs voice is stern but shaky. âKill you how?âÂ
You shake your head.
âI donât know.â You offer, knowing youâre just making it worse. âI wanted him to want me that badly.â
Jungwon drops his arms from you to pull back, dead-pan staring at you because he doesnât know what to do or say to that. He forces himself to think of the reality of the situation. Youâre just being poetic. Youâre just being dramatic.Â
Heâs the same way when someone hurts him too, but still. Using such heavy words scares him, and he canât just sit here and tell you itâll be okay anymore.Â
âBut he doesn't.â Jungwon musters up the courage to say it, knowing youâre going to cry. âThis weirdo literally tried to eat you alive, and he still doesnât want you.âÂ
And you do cry again.Â
âAnd now, youâre letting him kill you anyway?â Jungwon scoffs. âYouâre begging me to stay here with you, just so I can watch you not even make an attempt to fucking get over it?âÂ
You know heâs telling you what you need to hear, doesnât change the fact that you donât want to hear it. The only thing you want to hear is Sunghoon and his lying words, telling you that Jungwon is full of shit.Â
The worst part about it is that, itâs not even that youâre suicidal. Youâre not. You like being alive. Youâre justâŠyou donât know. You donât fucking know why you wanted and still want Sunghoon to kill you.
Perhaps itâs because it would mean he needs you that much.
But he doesnât need you, youâre not irresistible.Â
And that hurts you. That man fucking slithered into your heart and made a nest there. You canât get him out no matter how much you try.Â
âHe broke up with you. You were together for like, what? A few days?â Jungwon minimizes the situation unintentionally, panicking at the way a person heâs grown so close to has managed to be utterly fucking ripped apart by a singular man. âHe broke up with you. Thatâs it. Itâs time to stand up and move on, thereâs better people out there thatââ
âNo.â You shake your head. âI broke up with him, I guess, if you can call it that.âÂ
Jungwon softens, tilting his head. Now heâs getting somewhere.Â
âWhy, then? Why did you break up with him when you didnât want to?â Still, Jungwon is glad you chose to. Clearly youâre not as absent minded as you pretend to be. Seeing how littered your body was with pain, you knew you needed to leave, right? You werenât really just going to let this guy wither you away, right?
âHe was with someone else.âÂ
Jungwon shakes his head in pity.Â
âWhat a scumbag. A total freak.âÂ
âBut like, he needed to do it, I guess.â You try to explain without truly explaining. âI got mad and left because he was doing something he needed to do with someone that wasnât me.âÂ
âHe needed to cheat on you? Are you hearing yourself?â Jungwon questions, throwing his arms up. âHeâs a nympho, babe, he probably manipulated the fuck out of you to make you think this way.â
And at that, you give up on talking about it. You feel too tired to continue.Â
âI guess so.â You whisper out with a shrug, sniffling up the tears.
âHe doesnât deserve you. You canât justâŠdie for people.â Jungwon says, realizing that even he doesnât follow his own advice. Heâd probably die for you himself, but not because he craves it.
Heâll never understand why you wanted this man to âkillâ you. In whatever way you meant, no one is worth owning that much of you.Â
Jungwon hums though, knowing youâre tired now. He isnât exactly being as soothing as heâd like to be right now but never has he seen a person act like this over a break up. Cheating hurts, of course, but you barely knew this guy. Thereâs no way there isnât something else going on for you to say such insane fucking things.Â
âYou mustâve lost your damn mind to let someone do that to you.â Jungwon says against your hair, his soft voice not matching his words in the slightest. âI canât believe you said that.â
âMe either.â You admit, feeling the insanity bubbling in your stomach and hating it.Â
Still, the scent of cinnamon.Â
âDo you smell it though?â You ask now, voice even weaker.Â
Jungwon inhales deeply, releasing his breath with all of the frustration in his gut.
You feel it fan across your cheek warmly, minty, and you smile.Â
âCinnamon?â He asks, remembering your question from before. âYeah, sometimes I can smell it.âÂ
You smile bigger now.Â
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Another two weeks pass, only this time you are coming back to yourself. Which is strange, really. You were beginning to think youâd never feel like a person again after the first month passed. Then, within another few weeks youâre almost entirely back to yourself.Â
Youâre still a bit dissociated, which is likely due to the trauma of what you experienced and put yourself through but thankfully, the ticking-time spans you grew to hate forces itself now to be your new form of comfort. With each passing second, hour, day, and week, youâre slowly able to not forget, but accept and move on.Â
Still, you know itâs going to fuck you up for years to come. Youâll always have the feeling of emptiness deep inside no matter how much the space shrinks. You have no choice now but to try and fill your life and time with things and people who matter to you. At least this way, you know that you matter too.Â
And with this time spent away and healing, the scent has faded too. You can even go to work now without holding your breath or your eyes being forced to look at the source of the smell. In fact, you avoid taking even a glimpse of the looming cathedral. You donât keep cinnamon in your apartment now either. You donât take it with any of your beverages or food items, and you certainly shouldnât be smelling it in the air anymore.Â
Sometimes itâs still there though, turning your stomach in a way thatâs both needy and sick. You still miss him and the feeling of ice, but you know better now. Why give up the ability to breathe without your throat burning? Why give up being a person that Jungwon actually wants to be around now?Â
After all, youâve started feeling so much better to the point that even he feels okay leaving you alone from time to time. Showers are back to being private, you can check your own mail, and a few times you were even able to go to work without him trying to force his way inside like his installation was still sitting on display.Â
Which, it isnât, by the way. Your boss had his name and face blacklisted, but still on most days he waltzed in like he owned the place. Every single time buckling the knees of your boss, every single time being allowed to stay.Â
Thankfully, push came to shove and he landed himself a job there with you, his employment became official just today, actually. And as professional as the place was for you when you approached with your resume, itâs definitely not professional at all. They did pay Jungwon under the table several times just for doing shit you were supposed to be doing.Â
The point is, even if Jungwon wasnât able to make the effort to keep good on his word regarding moving into your apartment to stay beside you, he still likely would have pushed to at least work with you.Â
Thankfully, he gets to do both those things.Â
And despite the fact that he feels okay leaving you alone from time to time, thereâs still an immense amount of anxiety about being away from you for too long. He knows that in time, itâll pass and the two of you can live both near each other and apart, but for now? Might as well call him your husband because thereâs no way in hell heâs gonna be doing his own thing without you.Â
That leads to now. The same day Jungwon secured his employment, the same day you made it through without a single breakdown, the same night Jungwon needs to actually go back home to move his shit into this apartment with you.
âCome with me.â Jungwon comments, but you know itâs more of a demand. âYou can meet my sister, just ignore if she makes jokes about us dating or something.â
You laugh. Genuinely, you laugh.
âJokes? We both know youâre in love with me Jungwon. Iâm just waiting for the ring at this point.âÂ
He laughs with a shrug, knowing he probably would marry you at this point, if just to protect you from all the people who wouldnât care for you as much as he does.Â
âReally though, come with me?â He asks again. âIâm still a little worried about leaving you here.â
âYouâll be back in the morning,â You start, trying to calm him down. You genuinely do feel okay right now. âIâll just be sleeping the whole time, I'm tired anyway.â
Jungwon nods fondly, aware that itâs only practical that he make the move during the night hours. After all, his sister wonât be home otherwise and he does miss her. Itâs true that youâll probably just go to bed and heâll be back before you even wake up tomorrow.
Still.
âYou could just sleep in my old roââ
âWonnie.â You walk up to him and grab his face with both hands. âIâm fine.âÂ
He smiles at you, always loving the way you do your best to reassure him even through your worst breakdowns. Youâre not breaking down right now though, and he canât help but believe every word you say when youâre looking at him like this.Â
âI swear to god if I come home and you so much as have a single bite mark on you, Iâm burning this fucking city to the ground.âÂ
You roll your eyes, the memory stinging only a little bit. By now though, youâve almost entirely forgotten how it felt in the first place.Â
In fact, youâre shocked by the way you acted after leaving. So outside of yourself. Truly, you think you were going insane and Jungwon was right to confirm that for you. Youâre lucky you had him here with you, because you likely would have ran right back into that fucking cathedral andâ
Yeah. You would have done something dramatic.Â
You didnât though. And sure, you now know vampires exist or whatever but Sunghoon has not bothered you even once since you left. You hope heâs simply moved on so that your resolve doesnât break. Jungwon worked so hard to make you feel better, and you worked just as hard. You canât just feel bad that you donât remember what Sunghoonâs fangs felt like against your skin.
If anything, you hope Sunghoon is freaked out by you leaving and knowing his secret. Maybe he thinks that if he tries to approach you again, youâll tell everyone about what he is and what he did. Not that it would end with him in jail or anything. Youâd probably end up in an asylum, actually, but still.Â
And to Jungwonâs threats of arson, you simply pinch his cheek, being sure to sit your thumb right in his dimple.Â
âStrictly no vampire kinks.â You smile at him, crossing both of your arms in front of yourself to create an X.Â
âGood.â Jungwon nods back as he puts on his shoes and heads for the door. âCall me if you need anything, Iâll keep my volume turned up. Youâve got Jayâs number too, he can be here quickly if itâs an emergency.â
He feels content knowing that youâre about to be stuck with him for as long as he can manage. Itâs just one short trip back home. A mere six or seven hours spent away while he packs the shit his sister probably âforgotâ to box up for him, loading up the rented van, and then unloading it here.Â
Itâs just a short trip. Youâll be sleeping through it anyway.Â
And when heâs gone, you feel tired. Keeping good on your promise of going to bed almost immediately. The feeling of being alone for the night is a bit uncomfortable, so sleep comes easy as a means to escape the inevitable over-thinking youâd probably do otherwise.Â
No overthinking.Â
Itâs just a short trip.Â
Jungwon will be back before you wake up.Â
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Ah, to think itâs over.Â
To think heâd leave you be? To think he wouldnât be looming around every corner watching, waiting? If it werenât for Jungwon, these weeks wouldnât have passed so easily for you, that much is certain.
As if they were easy for you to get through at all. Jungwon, the very person who got you through it, was the reason he stayed away, the reason you were able to heal.Â
Jungwon was the ward.
Was.Â
Deep in your sleep itâs like your body knows. The same scent fills your nose just seconds after your sleep brain feels the goosebumps spread across your skin. Instantly, you wake up and back to insanity you go
You truly wake up.Â
Your legs arenât being carried by any force other than you own, and your mind is crisp and clear in your thoughts as you jump out of bed.Â
Not walking, running to your apartment door. You swing open the door and donât even look at him before slamming your entire weight against his chest and clinging like a lost child. You can feel the familiar cold fear filling your body, knowing that if he truly wanted to, he could kill you right now.Â
All of the progress you made burns away within seconds. Youâve never felt so elated to ruin your own life.Â
Even when he pushes you away, nothing at this moment could make you let him go. Heâs here, heâs standing right there. Your fingers grip as he pushes you back in silence, stretching his garment out far beyond the bounds of which it was sewn to withstand. It rips, and still he shoves you further back from him all while stalking forward.Â
Walking you back into your apartment, just to let the door slam behind him as he stands with a narrowed gaze fixated on you.Â
You glance up at him only for a moment, loving the crazed look in his eye. Adoring that he must have missed you to appear so full of life like this. You can only compare his eyes now to the same eyes you saw when you ran away from him.Â
As if they were burning on you. Or perhaps, for you?Â
Heâs dangerous, your body feels it instantly and all you can do is lean into it.
âThatâs all it took for you to leave me?â Sunghoon bellows out in a spiteful voice, the sound sending pleasant shivers down your spine. âHad your blood boiling over some minx? I told you I didnât want you witnessing it.âÂ
You soak in his voice like itâs your last supper, missing it so badly, adoring it even more. He speaks as if weeks havenât passed, as if itâs a mere hour after you ran from him. You move forward to cling again, unable to think of words to say and opting to show how much you regret leaving through your actions.
Still, he pushes you away from him. A bit harder this time, to the point you almost topple over onto your back. You keep your balance only because it feels like youâre fucking floating just looking at him right now.
âI tried to pull you back to me, why did you fight it so hard?â He continues to fuss, as if heâs been thinking over and over again about all the words he wants to spit at you. Like heâs punishing you, and yet still struggling himself not to cling back. âNever has your aroma been so empty, so faint.â
Youâre in shock but your body yearns for him, thankful to go back to square one. Like youâre special. Like you meant something enough to him that heâs here looking like he may give you what youâve wanted all along.Â
âCountless women. Countless men. Never you, and now you manage to hide from me?â His hand shoots to your neck, pushing you back further into your apartment. âHow?â He grips dangerously tight as he continues to spew his breathless words. âYou masked yourself with thatâ that floral boy, didnât you?âÂ
You listen to his spiteful words like your favorite song, falling into each vibration of his vowels and consonants. Never has he spoken so much, and never have you heard his voice waver the way it is now. You canât help but follow his movements with a smile on your face, swallowing through this tight grip on your throat.Â
âYou cannot fathom how hard it was to stop. Do you understand how much I want to fuck every last drop out of you? You should be thanking me.â
Oh, youâre so proud. So, so, fucking proud. The glee runs through you at his needy words, even if you know better. Heâll always feed on people who arenât you, and heâll always probably fuck them too.Â
But does he show up at their house? Does he grow frustrated with them like this too?Â
âDid you kill her when you were done?â You ask out through his choking hand, so confident that it makes him freeze on the spot.
Heâs genuinely shocked that youâre not scared. Youâre not intimidated. You donât feel bad. No, you feel proud of being hunted. Like you take enjoyment out of his suffering, much like he does for you.Â
On his part, itâs not intentional. You have to suffer to be next to him.Â
Never has a person made him suffer too though. Fucking never would he have allowed it. God, heâs infatuated with you, utterly obsessed.
âOf course I killed her.â Sunghoon admits with his brow rising up, feeding into your ecstatic reaction of his death grip on you, only gripping tighter now. âDoes that please you?âÂ
Youâve never been happier.Â
And he moans out at the way you shyly nod, seemingly experiencing euphoria at his admittance of murder. Oh, if only you knew how good you smelled that night. Blood pumping for him, blood boiling in emotion for him. The woman didnât last more than a minute after you left him. He couldnât resist at that point.Â
Seeing you, smelling you, fucking someone who he wished could have been you.Â
Heâs not prepared at all for this, for you. So willing, wanting what heâs trying to avoid doing to you.
Thatâs why heâs here though. Unprepared, but unable to resist any longer. He has pulled and pulled, every single day trying to lure you back to him against your will. He thought he was going to have to take you tonight against your wishes.Â
But your eyes are sparkling for him.Â
âNo oneâs heart has ever beat quite like yours when looking at me.â Sunghoon whispers now, falling and spiraling into this moment with you, losing his composure entirely. âSo loud, each pump fucking gushes.â
âAnd I'll chase it every time.â He continues to ramble in a way that sounds like heâs in physical pain, like the amount of time youâve stayed away from him genuinely hurts him.Â
You still canât respond though, your words are caught up in your throat right where his hand squeezes and you couldnât even if you wanted to. He knows it too, and he didnât intend to let you answer anyway because genuinely, heâs fucking losing himself.Â
His hungry lips chase forward near instant after saying those words to you, not biting, just kissing. Tasting you rather than the blood that drives him.Â
Because for some reason, thatâs what he craves right now.Â
âI beg.â He cries out against your tongue, relishing in the feeling of your life clutched in his hands, not even sure himself of what heâs begging for.
âSunghoon,â You choke out his name with a gentle voice, pulling back from his bruising lips and throwing your arms up around his shoulders. âI bet you could smell my heart shatter too.âÂ
He moans at the strained words first and the out of body experience you lend to him second. His soul is always trapped within this dead skin, but you ascend him.Â
Here, standing with his hands on your throat, you hold him? You say sly, mocking words? Oh, he can give you the world. He can give you anything you want. He can be whatever you want. Never has a person had this hold on him, and never could another person be able to do what you do.Â
He canât just let you go. He tried already. Heâs supposed to be the one with the ability to hunt, lure, and pull. How is it that you do it to him? Your blood alone does it. The fact that all you need to do is exist within the same city and heâs ripping his bedroom walls apart wanting to get at you? He needs you.Â
No. Youâre not going anywhere this time. Heâll give up the taste of your sweet blood if he has to. The taste of your wet tongue is enough to satiate him by this point. The feeling of your neck beneath his hands, your pretty eyes urging him to strangle the life out of you.
Heâd do it too. All youâd have to do is ask. He would do anything for you at this moment, no matter the cost. He will take anything you offer.
âOhââ He groans first, licking his lips. âI could almost taste it.â His eyes darken more, somehow, as he leads you through the apartment. All the way until that same gaze causes your legs to buckle. He canât help it by this point, after all, he knew coming here would end up this way.
Thereâs no self control when his hands release your neck, your buckled legs forcing you to fall against the floor, and he gladly topples with you. His hands immediately shoot to either side of your head, holding himself up just so he can dip down and inhale you.Â
Fuck, he missed the way your skin smells more than he remembers. And trust, missing you was a daunting experience for him before he got here.
He inhales all over you, again and again. He trails his nose against both sides of your neck, up your cheek, into your hair, down to your neck again.
âSo delicious.â He moans mindlessly. âNever have I missed someone so terribly.âÂ
âYou were with someone else.â You continue your confident scolding with a scoff, only because of the way heâs losing himself on you. This is all you could ever want and reminding him of why you left feels elating.Â
âMy love,â He starts, speaking right up against your ear as one of his hands trails from your cheek to your waist. âMy loyalty to your life is what I offered.â
Goddamn the confidence running through you smells stronger than anything heâs ever experienced. As if you didnât already drive him to do things he never once considered. Oh, now? With you like this? He would die ten times more for you and you alone, if he could, anyway.Â
âDo you not recognize that I would have drained you to death, if I didnât want you here with me?âÂ
He lifts his head now, looking at you with so much adoration.Â
âYouâre not a simple meal, when will you understand that?â
And when you snicker at his desperate praise, he cannot fucking control the feelings within him.
âYour little floral friend is going to be devastated,â He admits with a rumbled voice, alluding to the inevitability of him coming here tonight. âYouâve begged me for this, and now Iâm begging you.âÂ
You pause, feeling the butterflies in your stomach release in a deep breath.Â
âDie for me.â Sunghoon whispers, dragging that same wandering hand straight between your legs and dipping into the wet heat heâs been missing so badly. No blood, just thick, hot, wet slick. âI beg.âÂ
You can barely comprehend his words through that ice cold feeling of his fingers pressing into you. He hums in the silence, looking straight into your eyes with the question. Heâs very aware of the weight behind it too.Â
âMy love, please.â He continues, losing composure by the seconds as he feels how warm your wet walls are hugging his fingers. âNot in a thousand years have I wanted someone more than you.â
He continues pressing his fingers in, moaning himself at how good it feels, only to feel your moan fan against his cheeks in turn. Itâs something that drives him only further from the self-control he fought so hard to keep. That warm breath represents the life within you that he intends to snuff out. If at all, to keep you forever.Â
âAnd not for a thousand years moreââ Heâs starting to babble, his once clear thoughts racing at being surrounded by everything that is you. âPlease.âÂ
And his fingers only quicken with his thoughts, rendering you unable to answer even if you tried. The idea and confirmation in his head of not truly killing you drives him wild. It would be death, nonetheless, but not true death. For weeks he has suffered over the thoughts, always telling himself that he would never fate someone to a death such as his own.Â
But you, oh you. The sublime blood within you pulled him harder than he believes he pulled you. Never in his thousands of years has he experienced such a thing, nor did he know such blood existed within a person. It drives him to feel for you. To adore you. To be entirely enamored with the fact that you have shattered him from within at both the thought of losing your blood, but wanting to take all of it.Â
Still, he craves the taste of you to such an extent that you truly will die tonight, whether itâs against your will or not. Itâs too late for him to reason with himself, feeling your walls wrapped around his fingers, seeing you act so mischievous towards his antics from before. At this point, just a blink of time compared to how long heâs lived, the decision is clearer than anything he thinks heâs ever had to choose.Â
If he canât have all of your blood, youâll waste it on a death not nearly as beautiful as he can offer.Â
If he can have all of your blood, perhaps he doesnât have to lose you along with it. After all, itâs not just the blood at this point that makes him feel like a blood-drunk beast. No, no, no. Itâs everything that is you. Your skin, the secretions of your body, the way your hands grip and the way your eyes blink. Blood-drunk, yes, but more so just drunk on you.
He can settle without the breath and without the blood if youâre willing to share meals with him for the remainder of time this earth has in the universe.Â
Sunghoonâs mind is racing at the thought. Working too fast for him to focus on everything at once, but he tries. Tucking his fingers deep, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck and inhaling as deeply as he can.Â
Youâre feeling like youâre on top of the world in the way he falls apart on you, unable to comprehend that this is actually happening. Every word heâs said to you rings in your ears as if it were spoken in a language you canât understand. With his fingers working you open, with his lips on your skin rather than his fangsâŠ
You feelâŠdifferent. Like he feels differently.Â
And you canât stop yourself from basking in the thought that he killed that woman. What was once jealousy that he didnât want you enough to kill you has twisted and morphed into the thought that he kept you alive because he couldnât stand not having you.
Every whispered word confirms it, and still you canât comprehend fully what it is heâs trying to say.Â
So, you focus and try to comprehend the feeling in your body that heâs offering instead. You have yearned for this cold within you. Missed it so badly you went insane.Â
To think youâd ever truly get over him is arguably more insane than wanting him to kill you at all.
âDid you hear me?â He whispers against your ear, shoulders shifting with each plunge of his fingers, other hand clinging to your waist so tightly, almost pulling you to him. âYou could be beside me,â He moves his lips across your neck, resting his lips against the moan you let out. âForever.â
Oh, it clicks.Â
And just as it clicks, he can hear your heart rate gushing the same blood he intends to take from you in full. Gushing, rushing through each vein and valve within you. Oh, he could truly devour you whole with how youâve deprived him of this. He could leave not a trace of you left for the world to remember, but no. That would be worse than the beheadings that haunt his nightly visions.Â
The sound of it rushing through you, god, it makes him feel like a mad man. He canât help but prevent your timid answers in the midst of red hot desire. He pulls his hand out of you, spreading his palm against your healed thighs instead and spreads your legs out wide from under him.Â
Heâs quick to move down. No kissing, no biting, nothing like what he wants to do. He needs to satiate his desire somehow, and he doesnât want to waste a single drop of your blood until the time comes.Â
And when he pulls your sleep-shorts and panties off of you, heâs immediately licking a languid stripe up your glistening cunt. He remembers how it looked in red, the thought sending his body into overdrive at the taste of you now compared to that night.Â
Still so sweet. Almost as good as the blood. Ah, it serves as a reminder that perhaps he can give up the blood after taking it from you. This alone is enough. So creamy, so slippery.Â
Yes, yes. A confirmation. Itâs you, not just your blood. Itâs you he wonât live without. Your mind, your voice, the wet you spill, the cum youâll let him fuck out of you.Â
Itâs always you.Â
And he hums into it, licking into you as far as his tongue can manage. He braces both hands on your thighs just to spread them further, skewing his head to reach deeper, deeper, fucking deeper. Tasting you, smelling you, utterly obsessed with you.Â
All you can do is shoot your hands down, forever waiting to feel his teeth sink into you but only feeling pleasure. So much pleasure. All of his freezing body parts just send consistent shivers up and down your spine. Itâs like you can feel him under your skin when he does this, even with his hair tangled in your fingers as if youâre appreciating him for all of it.Â
Itâs so good. With the way he doesnât need to breathe. He keeps his tongue in you, and even still you feel as if you donât need your clit stimulated at all with the way heâs working his mouth so aggressively. And itâs good with the way his fingernails dig into your skin not yet enough to cause blood, unlike before. Good with the way he hums into you through it all, the same way he did when heâd feed on you.
Ah, itâs just, itâs good. Itâs dreamy. All of it feels like a fantasy up until he does pull back.Â
You look down in time with him looking up, those pretty eyes no longer looming and dark. Still crazed to an extent but you know theyâre for you.Â
âSunghoon,â You whisper out, watching him closely with the way his eyes roll back at even hearing his name on your tongue so prettily. âWhy arenât you feeding?âÂ
You feel his fingernails leave more half moon shapes in your skin at the question. His eyes open in a half-lidded stare at you now, lips falling slack.
He looks so pretty, with the wet coating of his plush and pretty lips, your hands still tangled in his hair.Â
He still just looks at you. He doesnât breathe, doesnât blink, and doesnât answer.Â
âYouâre so quiet now.â You comment, feeling shy with the way he stares at you rather than your open pussy right in front of his mouth. âSay something.â
And within a single blink, his face is right up against yours, one hand still keeping your leg spread open, the other pinching your chin as he continues to stare.
âLet me have you.âÂ
You hear his words clearly this time, breath caught in your throat up until he kisses it out of you. He breathes you in deeply, trying to drown himself in all that is your life before what he will inevitably do.Â
âLet me.â He pleads again, his eyebrows falling as if heâs in genuine pain to say it.Â
Your arms reach around his neck, staring at him with so much confirmation in your eyes. Youâd let him have anything he wants. Anything.Â
And he groans at you, releasing your chin just to reach down to get his length out, appearing as though looking at you like this alone is enough to make him crumble to dust. Heâs been aching this whole time too, since before he even left the cathedral. Borderline edging himself from both the pleasure of your body wrapped around him and the pleasure within you that would satiate his hunger just for a moment.Â
He misses the feeling of you so badly. The warmth, the slide, the way you cling to him like nothing he could do would scare you.Â
JustâŠ.one last time, he wants to feel warm.Â
And he chases for the heat inside of you, sliding in without breaking eye contact, without waiting, without savoring it.Â
It knocks the breath out of you again, forgetting just how cold it is when he settles in deep. So fucking deep.Â
You wince in pain before moaning out to him, whispering his name in a drawn out sigh.
âAh, my love,â He groans at your reaction, his hips immediately moving. âMy pretty, pretty, love.â Your walls hug him so perfectly, taking every inch with just a tiny wince. âWill you still sound so lovely?â
You donât understand the question, but you nod to him, wanting nothing more in this moment than to prove your worth to him. To please him.Â
Such an insane woman, he thinks. Letting him take you and have you in whatever way he wishes. Whether living or dead, he truly believes every mindless nod you give to him. Itâs clear, youâre just as deeply infatuated with him as he is with you.
Both of you would give and take happily, no matter what it is.Â
And fuck he can feel your living pulse against him with each fast and torturous thrust, snapping his hips so quickly into you. He canât help but fuck hard and with purpose. Slamming in and out with echoed slaps and mindless groans.Â
Everything that you are could end him in an instant and all you can do is moan out for more.Â
Oh, he gives it. Of course he does. He will give you anything. Everything.Â
And it only becomes harder to resist when he kisses against your lips again, swallowing each moan of his name, exhaling it back out to you with the sound of your name. A mantra of two people, facing only death together and loving every heart-wrenching second of it.Â
The cold within you flourishes with each sound in his throat, you squeeze around him, your legs hug against him, your arms wrap tightly against his neck as he kisses you. Your body canât withstand the speed of his cock slamming into you for much longer without coming undone.
And he doesnât stop, seemingly never growing tired. Up until he feels your body clench entirely around him, he clings back at you at the feeling, whispering handsome words and proud promises.Â
âAlready?â He grunted out first, hearing your blood rush and your muscles tense. âAh, can hear it rushing through you, let it go, love.âÂ
And you do, you let it go despite wanting it to last longer. So, so much longer.Â
He lends you a choked and inward groan at the way you react to his relentless thrusts, flexing his abs and pointing his cock as deeply into you as he can reach. And for the second time, Sunghoon feels the warmth of you spill over him. Prettier than the blood, your voice so, so, sexy choking out a string of curses just for his ears to adore.
âThere you go.â He coos through it with his own groans, savoring every squeeze and squelch, adoring the sounds you make for him.Â
And as he watches, he canât help the feeling inside of him. Your heart is beating so fast through the pleasure only he can offer you, and he keeps doing it. Fucking you through the orgasm only to not stop after the fact either.Â
Itâll be the last time heâll ever feel heat like this on him. He can fuck any and every victim, but none will feel as good as you. Partially because you arenât being manipulated, he has no hold on your mind right now. Youâre not gripping and moaning because youâre in a daze, youâre doing it because you fucking want it.
God, having sex for the sake of sex is something he hasnât done in a long time before you. Enjoying in the pleasure, fucking suffering through all of it. Truly, for him, if this is the last time your body will be warm, heâs going to take his goddamn time making sure youâre well aware of just how good you could have it if you let him keep you forever. Cold and dead, heâll still love the feeling of your body.
So much that still, even with your orgasm dripping all over him, he pushes and he pushes. Thinking only of how he plans to drain you in more ways than once tonight. He can hold off for as long as he can with his own pleasure, because this alone is fucking bliss.
And he doesnât care if heâs knocking the breath out of you, only because he knows that soon enough, youâll never have to worry about breathing again.
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Youâre unsure as to how long Sunghoon has been lying with you like this, but you were able to get a bit of rest against him. Even with your fingers feeling like ice wrapped up in his, you feel safe and at home here.Â
Not because you are at home, but because heâs here with you.Â
The night outside your window tells you that youâve not been sleeping for long, but you can barely recall coming to your bedroom at all with him. He must have carried you here and cuddled himself up against you.Â
You stir in his grasp, peeking an eye up at him.Â
âYouâve rested enough?â Sunghoon smiles at you with saddened eyes, his pupils still blown and hair an absolute mess. Â
You shift against him, turning to face him entirely.Â
As he looks at you, all he can do is remind himself that heâs never considered fating someone with this curse until finding you. With your pretty jealous words and your intense need to have him take you out of this world all together. Never has he given the chance for another person to know him so deeply and have them react with only fondness and desire.Â
This is his chance, isnât it? To find forever?Â
As monstrous as he is, he does still have desire. The feeling of loneliness isnât meant to be grown accustomed to. For him at least. All of his fellow vampires have companions, and he swore heâd never do that to another person.Â
Perhaps itâs because many of the vampires he has mingled with took their companions by force. He could see the disdain in their eyes, and thatâs not something he thinks he could live with. But you donât look at him like that. You slept soundly next to a man wanting to kill you. Actively struggling not to do it with each and every breath you take.Â
And oh, since the start of his curse, the need to taste that last famed drop lured him to every meal heâs feasted on up until now. Such a delicious flavor, truly the best sensation running down his throat. To have you offer that last little sip to him? Ah, fuck.
 The feeling in his stomach flutters at the thought of turning someone for the first time. Knowing that someone will be you. Knowing that you wouldnât be a companion filled with resentment and agony at your new life.Â
Itâs electrifying. Like his heart could beat again at any second because you truly make him feel like heâs never experienced death at all. Despite being surrounded by it, despite experiencing it himself, despite taking lives daily for thousands of years.Â
Itâs amazing to him, to love someone so much heâs willing to fate them with eternal thirst, congealed blood, glitter and gold, beautiful and ugly, accidental lures before intentional ones.Â
Death.
Vile, cold, damp skin. Safe light of the moon, dust in the sun. The only threat is that of life itself.
Light. Sharp pointed dogwood stakes. Beheadings.Â
ButâŠa companion.
The life he could live with you, oh the joy that runs through him is far too beautiful. The forever life. Eternity. Living through it all, far surpassing the roaches and bacteria of this earth. With you.Â
So many things youâve forced him to understand. Loneliness, despair, want, need, envy. Itâs been so long since heâs entertained petty mortal feelings, but you forced them into him and out of him. The only need heâs grown accustomed to was hunger and thirst. Never love, or warmth, or want.Â
Oh, forever. The two of you could starve after draining every living soul. All it takes is for him to take that last gush of blood from you.Â
Without the lure. Without the manipulation.Â
Never would he perform the rite without your pleasant voice telling him to. Never would he want to spend eternity with a woman so luring who would want nothing more than to be the blade slicing through the bone in his neck.Â
That legendary, utterly delicious, last drop of blood that heâs tasted so many times before. Itâs different this time only because the blood isnât for him and him alone now. He has to share it, and it pains him to know that none would taste quite like yours.Â
The hardest part would be controlling his instinct of swallowing it instantly, rendering you dead and unmoving for the eternity he wishes to have you.Â
A new feeling.Â
Anxiety.Â
Your death would be slow, a cold and dreary one, but it wouldnât be lonely. Heâd make sure you feel so good through it. He wouldnât spill a drop. Youâd be clean, avoiding a gruesome death otherwise.Â
And time would be against him, because upon taking that last drop, heâd barely be able to savor it before continuing the rite. A final sip that he canât even swallow. A final sip that must be fed to you. Blood leaving your veins only to slide down into your emptied stomach through dead lips.
There, a final exhale, and then forever inhales.Â
Youâd look so beautiful dying next to him. Heâd hold you through it.Â
Is fate so dreary in a moment like that? Where is he feeling something akin to love for the first time in lifetime after lifetime? Is he selfish to need you so badly?Â
âYou could have it all.â He inhales the words at your drowsy face nearing sleep again. The silence you lended after his last comment kept him in his head, and now he wants out of it.Â
He hugs against you so tightly, trying to keep you awake despite knowing he likely fucked you too long and too hard. Â Still, he wants to encourage a life with him for you.Â
âI can give it all to you.â
Youâre silent at his words as you listen to him. You soak them into your sleepy head and smile.
âSunghoo-â
âI beg of you.â He answers for you, grabbing your face tightly and landing an immediate kiss against your lips. A deep kiss, one thatâŠoh. Heâs crying.Â
You feel the cold wet hit your cheeks as he kisses. He does it before you can even move your own lips against him, but you do start to kiss him back. Your brows furrow in concern at this new emotion heâs showing to you, but your handles are gentle when you caress his cheeks through it.Â
âDie for me.â He whispers through the kiss, trying not to let you pull back at the words. He knows now that you heard them loud and clear.
Oh.
Why is there nothing in this world that you want more?
âItâll only hurt for a little while.â He tries to make it sound pretty with his soothing whispers, not yet realizing that he hasnât cried in several centuries. âYouâll come back.â
âAre you asking me toâ?â You breathe out for him, once, twice, and then never finish what you were trying to ask simply because he makes himself very clear.
âYou can be like me, my love.âÂ
Your body pulses in fear, but the adrenaline hits you in all the right spots as you break eye contact to cling instead, this time shoving your nose up and against his neck. Wanting nothing more than this dead skin, needing nothing more than a man who wants to kill you.Â
But Sunghoon doesnât want to end you, no. He wants to keep you forever.Â
And forever is different with Sunghoon. Itâs never ending.Â
Are you even prepared to never see an end? With the man whispering so sweetly to you? Absolutely.Â
Would a split second decision like this ruin your life forever? What's forever anyway? When you have many lives to ruin and many more to deem a success if you choose to go with him.Â
Die. Only to live forever?Â
You nod once, then you shake your head. His arms wrap around you tightly at your indecisiveness. Heâs content enough just knowing youâre considering it and truly, heâs trying to be patient. Waiting and well aware that the question is likely the hardest decision youâll ever need to make.Â
âIâll beg again and again.â He whispers, feeling your panicked lips try to calm your breathing against his neck. Still, youâre clinging to him tightly and it makes him feelâŠhappy. âI cannot fathom a death for you thatâs not this. Forever gone from me.âÂ
You shake your head again, but thenâŠyou nod.Â
âWill it hurt?â You ask, feeling your heart rate threaten to kill you before Sunghoon even gets the chance himself.Â
âTremendously.â He chuckles at the ignorance, though even he barely remembers the pain himself these days.
 âOnly for a little while, darling. I told you.â He licks his lips, anticipating the blood running through you to run through him soon. The hunger is almost overcoming him now and if you donât agree, he very well may end up killing you regardless.
And the thought pains him.Â
If there was ever a time to hold himself back, itâs now.
âDonât die without me here with you. Now or ever.â He continues in a sweet voice, trying to control the wavering breaks his throat is trying to force out of him.Â
âCan IâŠâ You stop yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. âCan I have a minute to think?âÂ
âOh course,â He smiles to hide his frustration, pulling you back by your shoulders and sitting himself up against your bed. âBut, the sun rises in three hours, and thatâs three hours of fighting my urge to do it without your confirmation.â
You pause, finding comfort in the fact that heâs willing to suffer through your inevitable acceptance. Thereâs no way youâll end up saying no to him, only because of how badly it hurt when you walked away from him. It rotted within you for weeks, and even when you thought you were betterâŠall he had to do was stand outside your door to have you running to be in his arms.
Whatâs a bad decision when you could have lifetimes to make up for it? Even if said decision is what gives you those lifetimes. Heâs asking for you to stay with him. To be with him. Isnât that what you want?
But to dieâŠ
And you only cling to him through the fear, hoping he can save you from what heâs offering. Heâs the comfort and the ultimate end.Â
Or, perhaps, the ultimate beginning.
Youâre not sure. You only found out vampires are real like two months ago. Itâs not exactly something you can comprehend so quickly, but it is something you know you want more than anything if it means you can be next to Sunghoon.Â
âWill it ease your fear if I talk about what itâs like to be me?â Sunghoon offers both a reason to give you insight, as well as distract his own mind during this moment of distress.
You nod immediately, hugging yourself so tightly to his side and trying to keep your nose up and against him simply because that brings you the most comfort. Smelling the faint cinnamon, feeling him against you.Â
âIâm the first of my family to reside here, but Iâve been here for thirty years. Commoners arenât aware as I try to remain hidden save for when I need to hunt.â He starts, continuing after hearing the way your heart calms. âBut, city officials know very well who I am, and where I come from.âÂ
You listen, trying to take in his words as truth rather than fantasy.Â
âI was born in seventeen thirty eight, overseas. Every few hundred years Iâll relocate simply because it becomes boring watching the same country grow and be destroyed. I ran from many wars, have lived many lives.âÂ
Oh. Okay.
âI know every language. Iâve lived every life you can imagine, worked every job you can think of to rid myself of boredom.âÂ
âSo you werenât always pretending to be a priest?â You try to make light of the fear within you, almost, somehow, wanting to snort at his choice of current lifestyle.Â
âAh, no.â He chuckles for you, rolling his eyes at how you mock him in the face of your own death. âI was a banker before this, I despised it. Only lasted about seven years before relocating here.â
A pause, you hear him chuckle.Â
âI really despise numbers.â
In the calmness of his voice, within his gentle grasp, you feel comfortable.Â
âDid you come for the cathedral?âÂ
He nods, holding you against him even tighter.
âHistory is protected, whether it be land, buildings, or people. It felt fitting to be a priest if I was to stumble inside parading as a drunken man needing a place to stay.âÂ
âHow did you become, uh, what did she call you? Master?â
âAh,â Another scoffed chuckle at your ignorance. âDid you believe them to be alive?âÂ
You freeze, body stiffening at the shock. They were fucking dead?! This whole time?!
âI slept in a cathedral full of fucking vampires?!âÂ
âYou did.â He smiles. âBut they are very well aware of whatâs mine.â
He loves the way your face looks when you process words. He is more aware than you think of how insane all of this must sound to you. Yet, still, he has never truly lied to you.Â
âThey needed an order, so I brought that order. Thus, Master.â He smiles as he motions towards himself with you still in his grasp, as if heâs playfully boasting his own intelligence over the vampire-nuns.Â
You pull back to look at him, feeling a bit calmer now in the way he describes countless lives and knowledge. You canât experience any of that with the life you have right now. In fifty to sixty years youâll be in an urn on your motherâs fireplace.Â
Why would you want that when you could be in a bed with silk sheets? Or perhaps by then youâll be able to travel elsewhere with Sunghoon, finding new beds with even softer sheets.
And only now do you realize that Sunghoon didnât put you in danger at all. In fact, he knew he was dangerous and forced you to live. Even when you asked him to kill you. HeâŠ
Oh. Wow.
âNow, what is it, you think, that made you so special in regards to that woman you found me with? What is it, love? What do you believe kept me from ending your life to sustain my own?â And goddamn does it feel good to finally say it. Sunghoon loves the feeling of the words coming out of his mouth, finally spilling it all to you and seeing you only react with cheeky curiosity.Â
âWhy is that? Can you tell me?â
Youâre silent as you think of his questions, unable to answer at all. Â
âNoâŠâ You breathe out, knowing he can feel the hot breath against him only because his hand squeezes your waist.Â
âI suppose after how long Iâve wandered this earth, even I am left with curiosities and questions too.â He smiles when he says it, thankful to know he hasnât yet experienced everything there is. âIâd like to know why you have this hold on me too, darling.â
âMaybe itâs because I want it?âÂ
âPerhaps, yes. If you didnât I likely would have savored every ounce of you already and for that, I should be thankful.âÂ
He shifts now, pressing you down against your bed and hovering over you with dark and sparkling eyes. His lips immediately go to your neck with the hunger he feels. Talking isnât enough anymore. Holding you isnât enough. He hasnât eaten in days, and the fact that he could hold off even until now is strange to him.Â
âUnlike many, you do not seek deathââ He drags his lips against your skin, relishing in it. âYou exist alongside it happily, you welcome it.â He continues to talk, his teeth now retracting against your skin and leaving little swollen scratches with each drag. âPerhaps had I not chosen to be a priest during this lifetime, youâd have already said yes.âÂ
âA singer? A dancer? Anything you wish for, Iâll become.â He smiles when he feels the goosebumps plump up under his teeth, and itâs so, so, hard not to bite. âSo, wonât you stay? â
He listens so closely to your heart and breathing, nearly moaning at the need for it.Â
âWatching you wither to death by anything other than my own teeth would surely have me seekinga dogwood.âÂ
Ah, so the fantasy movies and novels arenât all wrong? So strange, truly, that he lives in a cathedral of crosses made from the very wood that could kill him.Â
âWe could be anything, go anywhere, dine on meals you merely taste but never need.â
He nods his head against your skin, hoping youâll nod along with him, knowing that you will.Â
âYou could be mine, forever.âÂ
Youâve accepted him already, you just havenât said so yet. He doesnât mind sweet talking you though, reminding you of everything he can and will provide.
And to you, every single word he mutters is pretty, and everything you could ever need or want is right here.Â
âI could be yours, forever.â
âI thinkââ You breathe out, hands now reaching up to scratch through his hair. âthere is nothing I could want more than this.â
And the moment he gets that final word of confirmation out to you, he bites. The words you mutter drive him to it. He couldnât even kiss you in appreciation simply because his instinct takes over. He lets go.Â
Finally, he can let go.Â
The need to control himself is no longer here, and it feels astounding.Â
The sting is deep and it rings within you so loudly that you could hear the puncture vibrate your brain. Your ears burn at the direct puncture, and already you can feel his hands bracing you through it. As if he knows heâs never bitten you so deep in your pulse point like this.Â
But the intention behind it somehow feels better than anything youâve ever experienced. This is what you were jealous of and now you can only agree with your past self. There was good reason to be jealous of feeling this from him. Except, unlike that woman, heâs holding you through it. Heâs grunting against your neck and swallowing large portions of your blood as the seconds pass. Losing himself with you. Almost as if heâs dying with you.
And he drinks, and drinks, and drinks, to the point your toes are feeling the sleep overtake them, then your legs, all the way up and down your body until your fingers are too weak to keep gripping against the locks of hair on the back of his neck.
You feel his fingers soothe you through the weakness when he pulls back, keeping his promise of not wasting a single drop. There is no blood smeared on him, only a trace of it on his inner lips as he watches your weakened expressions.Â
He isnât intentionally draining you so quickly, butâŠfuck. The blood. That glorious scent and taste was already too much to bear, but now? Knowing he gets all of it save for the best and final sip? He genuinely canât help it. Controlling himself now after how long heâs held back?Â
Darling, you asked for this.Â
And his body reacts in aroused euphoria. Already he feels an orgasm bubble up just witnessing you die for him. Even then, he barely feels the heightened pleasure because the mind, dead or not, simply cannot comprehend the pure potent pleasure heâs experiencing.
He spills out all over himself, while you spill out for him. Your life, your very being.Â
How can he not be terribly, horrifyingly, utterly stupendously in love with you?Â
âMy love, the light in your eyes will come back soon.â He smiles as he watches what happens to you through this, and then throws his head back in manic pleasure with a deep and animalistic moan. Arguably, even his eyes hold more life than yours right now.Â
So, so beautiful.Â
Youâre too weak to speak, but you shake your head. Nothing is a pain to lose, nothing except him.Â
And you find comfort in the way he sinks his teeth right back into those puncture marks. Sucking more and more out of you with a content smile on his face. He doesnât think he could ever feel happier, knowing youâre giving him everything, and he wants nothing more than to return the favor to you.
Oh, how he wishes it were you sucking the life out of his veins. Youâd be so gentle, youâd look so pretty losing your mind like he is right now.Â
You continue to feel your body grow numb, up to the point that your heart rate slows at the loss of blood. To the point you can tell heâs sucking harder and harder just to get more. You feel a weight shift inside of your body, it writhes and chokes every inch of your innards.Â
Shrivelling, spiraling, cramping.Â
If you could curl in on yourself right now, you would, but youâre too weak even for that. You canât even twitch a finger against Sunghoon at this moment as you feel everything within you dehydrate and search for life.Â
It hurts.Â
Badly. So badly that at this moment, you canât remember a single thing that has ever felt good. In fact, everything is painful. Life is painful and horrifyingly full of things that will hurt you. ButâSunghoon is here. That much, you still recognize. Even through the pain, and even through the twisting inside of you, he remains constant. Heâs soothing you through it well past the comprehension of your dying brain.Â
You canât shiver at the loss of warmth, but you do try to take a breath. Working your weak body to near exhaustion just at the act of trying to expand your lungs. And oh, you canât even open your eyes at the way the last breath doesnât come. You must have lost it already.Â
And then, darkness.Â
Nothing.Â
And it feels like this for an eternity. Nothing to see, nothing to feel, nothing to fear or love.Â
Absolutely fucking nothing. And to think humanity has built governments off promised afterlifes? To think anything ever mattered in the first place? The emptiness soothes and relieves your still working soul, wisping in the darkness for eternities more it seems.Â
To the point names and faces leave you, and all you can think, feel, or hear is that of unfilled space and pure, deafening, silence. You cannot feel content, or peace, or happiness here. You just feel nothing. And it truly feels good to be nothing.Â
Until there's warmth. You feel it somewhere hugging you, or perhaps inside of you? Do you even have a body to hold warmth now within this vast void of darkness? Why do you hear�
Feelings come back to you tenfold. Seemingly experiencing everything youâve ever felt and lived through all at once. That deafening silence becomes louder, louder, louder, untilâ it flourishes in the pit of your belly.
So much chaos within you. Swirling and bubbling in such a way that it fucking blooms in this darkness. You feel like youâre burning, freezing, dying, living, fucking drowning all at once.Â
That flourish forces the nothingness out of you. As comfortable as this place is, there is nothing and you want something. You need something. You craveâŠsomething.
A little dribble running down your throat leaving a trail of warm, blooming heat. As if you just swallowed a sun-ray itself. Only now can you feel your body again enough to know where the heat is coming from. It blossoms within you, increasing each sense within your body tenfold.Â
It doesnât hurt.Â
Only now do you recognize that itâs silent again, as if you were slammed into a wall by the force of the god you now know does not exist. You feel yourself restrict under skin, you feel cold, you feelâŠheavy.Â
And the silence is still too loud to be so restricted. You miss the sounds of what you must have unintentionally listened to every waking moment of your life. The only true soundtrack of a living, loving, and heat-radiating being.Â
No heart-beat. No whirring of blood. No rumbling in your stomach. Nothing.
And yet still, it doesnât hurt.Â
Just a bouquet in the pits in your belly. Your precious life, all summed up in that single diluted sip of blood.Â
And somehow, someway, you regain your strength faster than it took for you to lose it. You open your eyes on instinct and the world is glowing. Sunghoon is glowing. As lifeless as you are, and as empty as your brain is at this moment, you reach out to him immediately.
But he has yet to let go of you since all of this started. He stayed. He held you, just like he said he would.Â
âDid it hurt badly?â Sunghoon calls out to you, helping your mind awaken again.Â
He barely remembers the pain he went through when it happened to him. Truly, pain is so temporary, so meaningless to indulge but, the curiosity still sits with him.Â
After watching you for upwards of two hours to both die and come back to life, he canât help but wonder if it was anything like what he experienced.Â
Even with that curiosity though, seeing you open your eyes for the first time in your new life fills Sunghoon with overwhelming glee. To the point he feels like a child, wanting to ask so many questions, thoughts shifting from this, to that, up until all his thoughts run together and all he can do is squeeze you in his grasp.Â
Heâd have pulled down the stars if he could just so it could be your first view of the afterlife with him. But alas, he couldnât step away even for a moment. He needed to be with you, not just for your sake, but his own.Â
Youâre cold now, but oh, the blood within him could satiate him for hundreds of years. Itâs gone from you now, and he fears not missing it. Not when youâre here. Not when you chose to be here with him.Â
You weakly nod to him, amazed at being able to do it again. Already the pain youâd previously felt feels like a long lost memory as you stare back at him.Â
âIâm sorry.â He smiles through the apology, unable to pretend he means the words at all. âI didnât intend to drain you so quickly. My poor love, you must have felt miserable.âÂ
You nod again, feeling him so tightly against you.
Only just realizing that heâs holding you. Your body, itâs coming back to you. You can feel sensations again.Â
âI feelââ Your voice cracks with a dry throat and you inhale.
On instinct, you try to exhale but your throat just gets drier and drier.Â
âIââ
Sunghoon coos, shushing you with a gentle kiss. Lending you his own saliva because if thereâs one thing he can remember, itâs the act of learning how toâŠnot breathe.Â
âSlowly, love, slowly.â He smiles when he pulls back, watching you swallow around his gift and instantly droop your eyes again.Â
âYouâve only just died and you have all the time in this world to speak, no need to do it now.âÂ
And heâs right. Youâre spinning, yet balanced. Fuzzy yet smooth. You are everything and nothing at this moment with your glowing after-death aroma. Sunghoon smiles, cradling the back of your head.Â
Finally, heâs gotten to drink you in full. No true death, and he feels more elated than he ever expected. Almost lulled to sleep at the scent of you disappearing. Never will he taste your blood again, but you. He has you now. Knowing you had a taste at all is enough. Knowing that he has broken for you enough to beg you.
To beg you to die for him just to be with him on a level deeper than thirst.Â
Never once has he wanted someone like this.
And never once had he expected you to agree with him.Â
The moment is sweet with him, and still youâve yet to comprehend the truth reality of your life now. You know at least, that it could take longer than youâd have had previously to figure it out. You did this to be with someone, and that someone is right here next to you. Smiling, clinging, seemingly ecstatic to know heâs no longer alone.Â
A forever companion, truly this time.Â
And as sweet as the moment is, time still moves even after becoming ageless.Â
âThe sun will rise soon,â Sunghoon hums at your reluctant gaze at the window. âShall we go home?â
You would nod. Truly, you would, if it werenât for that suffocating scent entering your nose.Â
Roses? No, tulips?
Lavender?Â
Your belly pangs, a dry and itchy feeling overtaking your entire being. To the point that Sunghoon clinging to you canât even calm the itch. The world stops at the scent, so strong and sweet.Â
Sunghoon smells it too though, and he knows. Heâs experienced it time and time again, though heâs long since learned how to control it, clearly. He purses his lips in frustration. Youâve only just come back, and heâd very much like to get you home with him so that you can learn and grow accustomed to this life. You need to realize that you havenât even experienced the hardest part yet.Â
Disappearing.Â
After all, his intention was to hunt for you, teach you, comfort you. Thereâs so much to do now that the deed is done, and he hadnât prepared for interruptions such as this.
Unfortunately, he knows very well the thirst. You wonât be able to control it, especially considering he knows this scent too. He has to force himself to try and lend you alluring words, but they seem to go through one ear and out the other.Â
Your brain is empty at the scent.Â
âAh, what a turn of events.â He tics his tongue with a smile. âI smell him too.â
Your eyes do not reach Sunghoon at all, but he understands. Even with the jealousy in his gut.Â
A key clicking into a lock, a turn of the knob. The sound is amplified in your ears along with the scent.Â
âWake up and help me unload all this shit!âÂ
Oh, what a shame.Â
You really loved Jungwon.Â
âCan you smell it flowing through him?â Sunghoon smiles at the light in your eye now, endeared by the way scent ignites you entirely. As envious of Jungwon as he is to hold certain parts of you when he couldnât do it himself, seeing the way you react arouses him beyond belief.Â
Your first feeling of thirst.Â
âShall I greet him?âÂ
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Jungwon peers at the stoic figure that appeared from your bedroom. His first thought is that heâs going to kick your fucking ass because number one, this better not be who he thinks it is. And number twoâ
There is no number two. A mere three seconds after stepping into his new home with you, his mind goes fuzzy. Thinking only of you, of needing to see you, of needing to make sure youâre okay.Â
He wants to know if you slept well, and if you were able to have any sweet dreams without him here.Â
âJungwon, I take it?â Sunghoon lends him a lively smile, impressed by the pull you unintentionally lay on the guy.Â
âAh, yeah.â Jungwon weakly scratches the back of his neck before feeling his body move on its own. âWhere is she? I need to see her.âÂ
Itâs a pity, really, but Sunghoon has seen it time and time again with his own victims. A weak mind, one that is easily broken and even easier to lure. Itâs kind of cute really, seeing how breathing humans cling to what balances them.Â
He almost feels bad for taking you from Jungwon, but he doesn't only because he hates that he has to see you drink from someone you were attached to. He knows itâll hurt you when you realize, and he no longer wants to see you hurt after witnessing your death.
As beautiful as it was.Â
Jungwon truly chases you, stepping through the apartment and dropping everything in his hands without care. He heads straight to your room, swallowed in a somber smile and a welcome scent. One that he doesnât know is death.
âWonnie.â You rasp sweetly. âCome here.âÂ
Thereâs no reluctance within him, even upon hearing Sunghoon close the door behind him and lock it. Even when the man looms at the door, watching, narrowing his eyes at you in jealousy.Â
You ignore it as you grow enamored with Jungwon at this moment. Is this what his life smells like? So pretty, it truly fits him.Â
And it drowns out all of your thoughts. The flowers, like a fresh spring day with no worry. You think itâs your favorite smell in the world as you inhale him with each step he takes toward you.Â
For Jungwon, even upon feeling you grip his shirt, pulling him closer than heâs ever been to you without the excuse of comfort, he pays no mind. He missed this bubble he shared with you, the single night with his sister almost felt like agony to be away from you.
After all, the love he holds for you is truly deeper than romance. There is no need for any physicality between the two of you, yetâŠhe welcomes it at this moment. In fact, heâs entirely aroused, stiffening in his pants at the sheer blissful anxiety your uncanny smile and shining eyes lend to him.Â
Did you truly miss him so much?Â
âYou look so prettyâŠâ He trails off, closing his eyes as he feels you caress his warm cheeks. âYour hands are so cold, let meâahâÂ
Youâve never felt an instinct quite like this. You could truly hear it, the pulse of his heart. You can still smell his sweet scent, and you truly werenât in control of your own body when you gripped him, lifted, and sank your teeth right against his pulse point.Â
Jungwon moans at the bite, drifting off entirely at first contact.Â
All while Sunghoon continues to loom. Watching with weight in his pants. The way you bite so messily, spilling blood and wasting it as it trickles down Jungwonâs throat. The small sounds your mouth makes as you suck has him throbbing non-stop, to the point he almost needs to hold onto something just to keep from jumping on you, just to keep from tasting Jungwon himself.
And, oh, his pretty love, you have so much to adapt to.Â
It appears he does as well.Â
As he watches the furrow of your brows at the first taste falling to that of relief and pleasure as you drink, and you drink, and you drink, untilâ
Sunghoon smirks now, quirking his brow at how you stop yourself before he needs to step in and separate the two of you. In all honesty, he was unsure if heâd be able to give in and stop you either. After all, killing Jungwon now would prove easier than letting him live.
The fact that you stopped yourself though. Perhaps your mind grew more stubborn and strong-willed through death. He nearly cannot believe that you arenât draining the man dry right now.Â
And you arenât even sure yourself why you do. The feeling in your gut is full and satiated, but the grip Jungwon has on you only grows more and more limp. You love the way he clings as much as the taste, and even through his slumber, he clinged so tight.Â
Not so much now though, and that scared you. So, you let go.Â
If only because truly, you do love Jungwon. Enough to no longer pull him into your messes despite forcing him to become one at this moment. Whatâs even more scary is though, even with all of the endearment you held towards him in life, the feeling is only amplified now. These new bitter and floral scents pulsing through him makes you want to protect him from any leech wanting to drink it out of him.
Even if youâre the leech.Â
Ah, he tasted like honey suckle, and it dropped down your throat like honey too. Warm, gentle, pretty. Just like him.Â
And you have to continue to keep yourself from sinking your teeth into him. Your stomach is greedy, wanting more, but too in love with the life he has and willingly wanted to share with you as a best friend and forever comfort.Â
Forever for Jungwon is nothing but a moment to you now, but itâs one you hope he enjoys, at least.Â
And when you hold him against you, so weak and sound asleep, you look at Sunghoon. The tears fall so, so, cold against your cheeks. The heightened senses within you become overwhelming with the horrifying silence and intense smell of floral blood wafting through your nose.Â
âMuch like you, he wonât remember. You lured him deeply, love, did you know that? He was asleep from the moment he saw you.âÂ
You pause, nodding as the tears continue to fall.Â
âBrilliant.â He compliments now, moving to hold you as you cling to Jungwon.Â
âSunghoon, did my blood taste like that?âÂ
Sunghoon kisses you once, sucking Jungwonâs blood from your tongue.Â
âAh,â He chokes. âAbsolutely not.â
You pause at his scrunched nose.Â
âYou were much sweeter.â He whispers sweetly, fondly, tilting his head to kiss against you again, licking the mess of Jungwonâs blood from your lips, chin, and neck. Still, he chokes it down. âIâll miss it.â
âWhat did it taste like?â Your weak and dry voice falters repeatedly, but you need to speak right now.
âYou tell me.âÂ
You only slightly remember the flavor as you were brought back. Warm, blooming, spicy, sickeningly sweet.Â
âI have never tasted anything compared to itâŠâÂ
âExactly.â Sunghoon smiles, inhaling deeply and lending no breath against your skin when he scrapes his teeth there. âLike the sun.â He hums, nosing down to your neck and inhaling again, arms only slightly trying to push Jungwon out of your grasp. âLike the one thing that could get me killed.âÂ
You cling tightly to your best friend though, not wanting any more harm to come to him. Still, you stare at Sunghoonâs sweet words, finding yourself smiling at all that is to be gained rather than lost.Â
Your life. The light outside, the light in your eyes, the warmth.Â
Not Jungwon though.Â
âYou donât intend to leave him be, no?â Sunghoon furrows a brow at how your face rises for him, but falls instantly at inhaling Jungwonâs blood.Â
You frantically shake your head.Â
âWeâll figure something out, love.â He says now, looking away from you and doing his best to ignore the envy that fills him time and time again when this floral-boy is near.Â
He told you heâd do anything for you, give anything to you.Â
If that includes JungwonâŠ.
Ah, always so fucking stubborn.Â
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The sun rises and falls.Â
Repeatedly, for months.Â
Jungwon wakes himself with the warm sun hitting his face, the bed just as warm from his own body heat. He loves this space, and adores the way that even if itâs only him, he never feels lonely with that pretty smell in the air.Â
Every morning when he wakes up, and every night before he goes to bed.
The shock of learning the inevitable still hurts him from time to time, but still, he smiles with that dimple you threatened youâd steal right off his face if he chose not to show it to you.Â
His hand reaches to his neck, the single wound you gave him and apologized profusely for after. Itâs healed well.
And when his phone vibrates in the middle of the day, he wonders why youâre awake.Â
You: wonnie
Wonnie: wat
You: come over
Wonnie: was wondering why you were trying so hard. nearly suffocated this morning.Â
You: and you were fighting it? asshole
Wonnie: be over in a few, stinky
And as strange as it is, Sunghoon doesnât mind that you wouldnât let Jungwon go. After several conversations needing reassurance that youâre not trying to spend your forever elsewhere, anyway.
Really, to think youâd die for him but want someone else? Sunghoon truly is insane, but so are you.Â
And it works.Â
Because Jungwon loves insanity, even if he hates Sunghoon with a passion. Even if he can only see you with Sunghoon in the room too. Even if youâre dead.Â
Youâre still his best friend, and he doesnât mind helping you disappear as long as itâs not from him.Â
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not me accidentally making this a sunghoon ft.jungwon fic.Â
Fanart by @a-the-na đ€đ€đ€đ€
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