#i mean i know why i never edited it
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was anybody going to tell me i had an old, basically finished thane/irikah fic lying around, or was i just supposed to find that out for myself while digging through an old scrivener project
#rev's rambling again#i mean i know why i never edited it#it's cause i wrote it around the time i got fired from a job and i was an utter wreck afterwards#so writing just did not compute at the time#i should polish this up and post it#i think this was supposed to be for that au where they end up on omega by the time of 2???#great au#love that au
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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rejanis thru text (pt 4/?)
(more parts - pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3)
#rejanis#regina x janis#mean girls 2024#mean girls#regina george#janis 'imi'ike#janis imi'ike#mean girls meme#rejanis meme#tji edit#tji post#my edit#why i keep posting these at 3am?? i guess we'll never know#sorry if some of these were done already#but damn if their dynamic isnt so entertaining#their love language is bantering with each other#and i can never get enough of them#crazy that this is part 4 and i still have more of these
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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sometimes doing art is a random person coming by u and winking at u and u absolutely do not know what they're doing that about at all. and sometimes they tell u and ur like that's so beautiful that u've found that in my art but I didnt put it in there
#not art#just externalizing some thoughts so I have bandwidth to do things tonite this is not a jab at anyone#one of my deep anxieties abt my art n stories is someone might pick up#something I dont mean to put in there. and then theyll keep coming to me to ask for that thing that I never intended to provide#this is a completely baseless and paranoid anxiety like irl if that happens what I do is I tell them to fuck off lmao#like what's the repercussion there for me? close to nil. people ask things of anyone every day#and they get turned down every day literally nothing apocalyptic abt it. I just have had a few moments of like#oh at a certain level I will be misconstrued and recontextualized. bc where I come from is foreign to a chunk of my audience#this is a reason why I ask people to not edit my art directly#or. yknow. that if you do that then have the courtesy to not show me#but also on a lighter note it is especially funny when someone does this at me abt shipping#like esteemed guest mine. rest assured if I intend something you'll Know#I'm not known for my subtlety lmao
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i miss dadroog guys. i miss them a lot.
#why couldn't i hyperfixiate on davekat or something . i read like a million words and i hyperfixiated on dadroog.#it has been a YEAR . Please.#oh dadroog they could never make me hate you#i miss them so much dude its not even funny anymore But. BUT.#it used to be worse#no hsbc and literally no one cared . like a year ago#i like the little community and friends ive made because of old man yaoi . im so joyous#im a very patient man . just knowing hsbc is up and running means we could get crumbs#and ill be so happy#hope is never lost#sorry I MISS THEM#bonks thinkpan#l8 edition#procrastinating edition#giggles#dadroog
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i'm going on exam season lockdown as of today, which means no more gifs/edits/anything else because i spend way too much time on them for an engineering student in the trenches lmao. posting this not because i think anybody will notice or care, but so i can hold myself accountable and get embarrassed if i break the pledge. see you on june 3rd for a ghovie creativity extravaganza
edit: besides the ghovie trailer 😭 i cant restrain myself from that one
#actually june 4th because i will be drinking on june 3rd from the moment i close my semiconductors paper#cold turkey on gif making KHBJDGVSCDH RIP#genuinely its such a relaxing thing to do that i find myself prioritising it#and unlike other chill activities it gives me the illusion of productivity#i really need to be getting that from my work and not silly bands#anyway. see u#also in my 4 years of making edits like this in many different circles i've never once felt the need to mention a like/reblog ratio#and i'm fully of the opinion that people can do whatever the hell they like and i never expect interaction#i'm grateful for what i do have#but what primarily motivates me to do this is people sharing their love for whatever is on the post#in the tags or elsewhere#i'm not talking praise or thanks or anything to me i mean 'i love this song' or 'papa looks great here' skdcvkdgvs#'this is my favourite band' u know? it's sharing passion with other people and having them share theirs with me#and in all the 4 years and many many fandoms this (ghost/st) is by far the worst for interaction like that#i'd say ghost especially skhjcsd#and this tag rant isn't a request or a 'please interact more!' or anything like that it's just#a reason as to why i'm a bit discouraged that i'm chatting about to nobody#oh yeah and especially seeing photos posted with no source and no edits get 5x the notes you'd get#the quantity of notes doesn't matter to me but the discussion and tags do#just checked my notes in the middle of typing this and someone rbed some papa ii gifs with#'hope he's steady on his feet the way i would run into him'#KDSGKDSD that's what i'm on about 😭😭😭😭😭#makes me smile knowing something i posted made somebody feel joy abt a silly band and then shared that with me through the tags#i'm aware i've been here for just over one month so shouldn't be making judgements just yet#but sometimes i wish there was more of that
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Chapter 61 - The Worst Combo
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#OKAY I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW#THAT THE TEXT THAT'S BEEN EDITED OUT#SAYS#''stop yelling for once!! this is why we can never actually talk!!''#IZUKU. 3 PANELS AGO HE PUNCHED YOU SO HARD YOUR NOSE BLED AND YOU HIT THE FLOOR#WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIM YELLING IS THE ONLY REASON YOU TWO CAN NEVER ACTUALLY TALK#DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. TO THE CLASS. ABOUT BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE.#IS THAT NOT??? A REASON???#IZUKU LOOK AT ME. IZUKU.#MY SON. WHAT.#IZUKU MY SWEET SWEET BOY. IS YELLING REALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU TWO CAN'T TALK?? IS GETTING PUNCHED NOT AN ISSUE TO YOU#IZUKU#IZUKU.#*gets punched* ''lol! anyway.''#*gets yelled at* ''LOWER YOUR VOICE THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T TALK''
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I’m so terrified of people that sometimes i stare at their socials and think ‘i should talk to them’ and then just don’t and then realise I’m a lost cause and i go back to drawing depressingly
#shoild i tag this as social anxiety#idk#i mean it USED to be anxiety like#but now I don’t even talk to people to actually feel that anxiety anymore soooo#social anxiety#socially awkward#yeahhh thats probably it#the socials also inclide here#even my irl friends are aware of this and say that none of i wouldn’t have been friends with them if they didn’t lovingly bully me into it#im that obvious#i hope you all know that everytime i like or reblog your post that me screaming how mich i adore you and that you’re really cool and#i might just suffocate over how amazing you are because wth#i think thats why im so much more active on tumblr than i ever have been kn anywhere else#because i can freely share my thoughts and stuff and i will never know if someone doesn’t like it becuase ill only ever see people who like#it most of the time#sorry yiu guys randomly get drops of how I actually am irl on here#despite me only ever actually talking abiut ninjago and morro#love my guy morro#sometimes i end uo draiwng those people favourite characters and im just like#wtf#im so sorry im actually also so bored rn#edit but i love when someone i do that to interacts with my post#like you know i exist????
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chat what if i said i was for some reason really fixated on the loki series and i really love the life series and that i was cooking
oh boy will this take me a while
#trafficblr#life series#life series fanart#animation#art#loki#<- kind of#i don’t know if it qualifies#but i mean it is music from the show#Purpose is Glorious by Natalie Holt- it’s in the ending of Loki episode 6 season 2 for anyone wondering#it sounds oddly familiar#yet unfamiliar at the same time#like i’m dancing through a field#that is empty for miles#i don’t know where i am#and yet#i am at peace.#the trumpets in the middle / end were in 2023 edits i swear#someone tell me im not going insane#please#anyways#watch me either#A. never finish this#B. take 7 months#C. Rewatch loki atleast 13 times before i finish this#i am so fixated on the loki series i honestly don’t know why#it’s just so amazing i could ramble on about it for hours#these tags are getting really long#so i’m going to stop now#👋👋 can’t wait to watch more of wild life!!
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what do they mean by this
#rewatched the ep and ok firstly i Really like it i specifically love the way it’s structured#and you really get to like see the entire work day from before they get assigned the job to finishing it#but i need to say the like. themes in this episode are making me a little bonkers#like you have both the sorta side plot documentary thing and the main like client objective of the episode be about two people overcoming-#their differences and coming together to support eachother . followed by#that thing charlie says to pim at the very end of the episode#Why . did charlie say that why did he feel the need to say that to pim in that moment#AND ANOTHER THING I NOTICED WITJ THAT#the version of it from the deleted(??) teaser is Different#the first part of it where he says ‘pim i never thought id say this to you’ ISNT ACTUALLY THERE#ITS NOT IN THR EPISODE ITS EDITED IN. THATS FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE#What did they mean by this.#oh well. but yeah i have like a hawks eye when it comes to their colour combination. pink and yellow#when the little clip of the mr frog ad in episode 2 came out. when he throws the green goblin bomb thing#in the window behind him there are two little stickers on it . that have yellow and pink on them and i noticed it the first time i watched I#i don’t Know
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...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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so...tell me ur thoughts about shim changmin. all of them. don't hold back 👀
basically some days i wake up ready to fight God and Changmin's wife and Changmin's husband (Yunho) and Changmin's boyfriend (Minho) for a spot in the harem bc i deserve to be there too and some days i wake up and i'm like 'you can have him to yourselves it's fine. we're fine we're good everything's fine as long as i have his number and an endless list of his witty comebacks at my disposal' and then the cycle begins again. if that makes sense
#inbox#q: saintloey#tvxq#dbsk#tvxq changmin#changmin#max changmin#shim changmin#went through the cycle today while watching one of those KYHD fancams from the 20&2 tour and seeing Changmin's ass in those#purple pants (from the setlist i'm assuming that's just before Purple Line hence the outfits). also fell in love with one of their#backup crew in the process but that's not really the point here sksksksk#saying i would fight Yunho for Changmin is practically blasphemy like why would i fight my man for his man. why fight the bias#(edged out by a very close margin) to get the bias wrecker you know what i mean it's just not happening#edit: back to KYHD but they got to That Part (the infamous 'all up in your ex's face' part) and truly that song has never been the same#since they got their sh*t together like no. you are nudging his hand off your shoulder Changmin you used to be almost throwing#his arm out of rotation. i'll keep saying it but bring that energy back!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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forever haunted by "he jokes that its heroin(e) but this time with an e" when it could've easily been "he jokes im his heroin(e), i'm all that he needs"
#n raving again#i truly believe there was little editing on this album and i get why#the entire point is that it was written entirely during a manic phase and its essentially like. things she never wouldve admitted otherwise#like theres things that are DEEPLY embarassing that probably would never have made it onto a more heavily edited album#like idk if we wouldve gotten the same lyrics for down bad (LIKE I LOST MY TWIN???) or loml if the album had gotten more time to marinate#and i love it so much because of all these things#but COME ON IT WAS RIGHT THERE#because the way the line is right now it just feels clunky and i know shes got her songwriting chops way better than that#i mean we have loml on the same album... we have the black dog..... we literally have fresh out the slammer#WE HAVE CHLOE ET AL#just. alternate timeline possibilities#n's musical escapades
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