#i mean i do call people I'm close to weird ass things so maybe- but i doubt y'all want Reader to be called baked beans

[homicidal-mother]

Honest to god- I've instinctively called people 'hon' before. I totally understand and won't do it if it makes someone uncomfy but oh my lord- fan fiction is gonna have pet names-

Just saw a TikTok complaining about ‘kitten’ as a pet name in fanfiction and while I do agree with their discomfort on that one the comments were FULL of people mentioning all the other common pet names ?? Like honey babe baby sweetheart etc ?? Is your partner just supposed to call you by your name the whole time ????????

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[igotanidea]

five more minutes: Dick Grayson x fem!reader

I'm (not) sorry, but that smug face fits right into this fanfiction!!

request/summary: Dick getting clingy when the reader needs to go somewhere

A/N: so, I think I'm back? Two weeks break and I'm getting into the swing of things again, so please go easy on me with this story......

***

When she wakes up in the morning something seems off almost instantly.

It only takes a second to realise that said thing took the form of Dick Grayson, her beloved boyfriend, the man by day and the fearless vigilante by night. The protector of Gotham and its people.

Well, if only the people could see him now.

Sleeping in a weird position with the imprint of the pillow on his cheek, messy hair and some dried saliva in the corner of his mouth.

He so cute and adorable like that. Y/N does the quick scan of his face and body in the search for any injuries he might have obtained during the patrol but her heart rests easy when she noticed him being all in one piece with no blood or stiches. Either it was a quiet and peaceful night or he already took care of himself. Her bets are the latter, but since it’s work day she doesn’t really have any time to wait until he wakes up to blame him for not being careful.

As quiet and swift as she can, Y/N tries to move out of bed, but since Dick’s senses are heightened she doesn’t really get far, when his arms wraps around her, keeping her in place.

“Dick……” she mutters

“Mhmmmm……” he mumbles into the pillow

“Come on, I have get  up!”

“no you don’t.”

“I gotta get to work!”

“I’m the only work you need……” he grins, still half-asleep, but so full of himself and she almost rolls her eyes at the joke

“God, please stop…. I need to earn money you know? Not all of us have a billionaire daddy!”

“You’re dating the billionaire oldest son, isn’t that enough?”

She wonders for a moment. On a second thought maybe it is. Dick seems to use that heartbeat of hesitation, shifting his body weight on her, pinning her to bed, his eyes still closed, but this little shit knows exactly what he’s doing.

“Dick!” she gasps feeling all those muscles crush her “shit!

“I like it when you call my name in such a desperate words. Do it just one more time and the neighbours will hate you forever.” He chuckles and his makes her skin tingle.

You’re heavy…..” she squirms trying to break free, but it’s no use. “You brought it on yourself….” The girl mutters poking on his ribs in the place where he’s extremely sensitive because of an old injury.

“Hey!” he yells, trying to defend himself and letting go off her in the process.

Y/N is quick to jump out of bed and rush towards her wardrobe, grabbing her jeans and t-shirt and struggling to put them on.

“Not so fast!” Dick tears her clothes from her hands and holds them high out of reach.

“Not fair Grayson!”

“You called me fat.”

“I called you heavy!’

“Same thing!”

“It’s not….. You know what, fine. I’ll just wear something else….” She shrugs and runs towards the drawer, but before she could reach it Dick grabs her from behind and holds her tight to him

“Dick…….” She whines stretching out just to grab something to wear. Anything.

“I know. I’m irresistible.”

“A pain in the ass is what you are!”

“I can make you breakfast….” He tempts

“You’re not Jason, Dick. Making me breakfast means putting cereals In the bowl and poring some milk over it in your dictionary. Cold milk. And that is only if I bought both cereals and milk.”

“did you?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Can’t you see how hard I’m trying? Just for you. Come on, you are like an employee  of the month. Or even a year. Stay…..” he kisses her neck playfully “you can call in sick.”

“I used all my sick days because of you.”

“How about casual leave?”

“and what may be the emergency?” she sighs in defeat, her body going limp as she drops the fighting knowing well enough she won’t win it. “Clingy boyfriend?”

“You called me boyfriend!” he grins again and she facepalms herself.

“We’ve been together for a year Dick. Why do you seem surprised?”

“I could never get bored with hearing that word from you. Makes me proud that you’re mine.”

“trying to sweet talk me? Won’t work. By the way, you are soooooo cheesy Grayson.”

“And?” he asks

“ And? What and?”  at this point Y/N is confused, her eyebrows furrowing as she turns to meet his gaze

“And you love me?” he insist, spinning her around in his arms so that he can get easy access to her kissable face.

“Yeah…..” she smiles dreamily “yeah, I do love you, you idiot” she trails with a love sick puppy expression. But it doesn’t mean I’m gonna stay and be you babysi…..ah! Put me down!” she yells suddenly feeling her body lift of the ground without her knowledge or will. “Put me down Grayson! What are you……?! Damn it…!”

Dick does not listen or does not get impressed by her poor attempts to break free. He’s Nightwing. He’s got so many ways to immobilise the opponent. Or, in this case, lover.

“Dick I swear I am going to kick your ass if you don’t….!” the threat dies on her lips as he throws her onto the mattress and kisses her softly shutting her up in the process.

“Stay?” he pouts looking at her with those pretty doe eyes “Pretty please?”

“You act like a five year old!”

“A five year old that wants you. A five year old that misses you…”

“I’ll be back, you know……” she brush the strand of hair from his face. She’s already gone but still tries to keep the appearances.

“Yeah, at 6 p.m. or later. It’s almost the time when I get ready for my night shift…… Please…..”he whines nuzzling his nose over her neck “stay…..”

“please…..” she mimics his whining, caressing his cheek “let me go……”

“But I need you…….” He hide his face in her belly and his hair tickle

“Why do you always need me when I am supposed to go to work?’

“It’s a terrible and uncontrollable disease…..” he laughs

“Is there a cure?” she laughs back

“I can think of something….” He closes the gap between them, nibbling on her bottom lip. “and it may be working…. But I;m not sure. Need some more testing” he repeats his action. “Mhm, yes, it’s definitely working… You don’t want me to be sick, do you?”

“Not really. You are whiny and attention seeker when you are sick.”

“I am not!” he shouts in denial “ok, maybe I am. A little. But come on, you can stay some more time with me……”

“How long, dickie?” she smiles at him, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“five more minutes?”

“ok. Five more minutes. She sighs deeply, letting go of any of her objections, letting Dick lay beside her and act like a big spoon, while holding her tight to his chest and caressing her sides and belly.

“You’re not letting me go, are you?” she whispers closing her eyes and getting lost in his touch.

“Never.”

And she’s pretty sure she can live with that.  

[aakeysmash]

Roommate or boss?

Pairing: f!reader x Katsuki Bakugou.

Warnings: cursing, cutesy stuff.

Word count: 3.6k.

Previous part: part 5

And what's your definition of love?

You can't seem to stop thinking about the way Katsuki looked at you with somewhat of a soft gaze, body relaxed and on your shared couch. You noticed he tends to be tense a lot, like something is always bothering him, and it's rare to see him for what he hides to be. He acts like being soft is a weakness, almost as if being vulnerable in the past has caused him a scar that is not fully healed yet.

Also, if he asked me that without even blinking, he must have hella bitches, you think. What kind of guy talks so freely about love with a girl?

"What should I do Saturday? What's something you like to do, Y/N? Thinkkk" you whine to yourself. Blaming your own brain for lack of ideas is very therapeutic.

For you, love is easier with words. You could probably write a book about love if you really wanted to, but you don’t think you’re that good with actions. It’s not like you don’t try, it’s more like a lack of experience: you’re not used to thinking about expressing love, you just do it depending on who you’re facing. You are a pretty habitual person, so you might be shy when you first meet someone, but when you start knowing them you never fail to show what you truly are. You’ve never liked to hide your personality to make friends: it’s better to have a couple of real friends instead of a multitude of fake ones. You like expressing how much you care about someone with words, but you and this someone have to be close. You love loving, and you probably would be nowhere without it, but showing your rude and cold roommate something so important to you is difficult, maybe because if you don’t make a good impression you’re going to cry. Joking!

Unbeknownst to you, Katsuki is freaking out. He regretted asking you that stupid ass question the second he went to bed that day, and he regretted making that stupid ass deal with you even more. It's not because he doesn't want to know the answer, he's really damn curious about what you think, but he doesn't know how to answer it. He doesn’t know how to act in friendships, let alone in loving relationships. You just looked so soft, so cute, so trustable in that moment, that his brain shortcircuited and became smooth. "I'm a fucking idiot", he grunts while putting his pillow on his face.

He knows what love means to him. Love is the way his mother still calls him to check on how he's doing even if he doesn't put enough effort into keeping the relationship strong; it's the way his father smiles at their antics when they get together for the holidays even if he hates how loud they can get; it's the way Kirishima gets him hot chocolate every hard day at work without Katsuki asking; it's the way you care about Ochaco enough to call her even when you're exhausted from your own day at work, bags under your eyes and hand soothing your back that hurts from how much you've been at your desk studying. It's in the way the people around him want to see him happy, and in the way his heart beats a little more affectionately when he sees how naturally they seem to do things for his own happiness.

He sees love reflected in the actions of those who are close to him, but expressing it himself? He doesn't even know how the few people around him can tolerate him.

He decides to call Kirishima and ask him about frienships. Out of his male friends he’s probably the only one who can answer properly, and there’s no way he’s talking about it with the girls.

"Oi."

"Hey, Bakubro, everything alright?" his right hand answers.

"Listen, we're friends, right?" Katsuki bursts out.

"Uhm, yes, of course. Why are you asking me this? It's weird coming from you" the redhead suspiciously tells him.

The blonde ignores the comment and continues with his questions. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?" Kirishima says, more confused than before. Katsuki sighs, because he knows his friend will have to know all the details about it or he won't shut up about it, ever.

"Made a deal with my roommate, I have to show her what love means to me" he explains.

"That sounds pretty intimate, to be honest. You barely talk about her and suddenly you talk about love with her? Is there something more between you two? And what does that have to do with me anyway?" he rambles on.

"Shitty hair, stop asking questions, fuck. We were talking about friendships after she made me watch a dumb ass film and now I don't fucking know how to tell her what I think about love. She said to think about love inside of friendships. You're supposed to tell me why you're my friend. Also, we're not fucking intimate or some bullshit. As I said, we made a deal" he replies, annoyed. 

"Sure, every roommate makes a deal about love nowadays" Kirishima mumbles.

"SO?" Katsuki is starting to get pissed. "Just answer the damn question."

His friend sighs, before starting to answer. "You're not good at telling people how you feel about them, but you know how to make them feel safe. And I'm not talking about physical safety, even if I bet if I asked Mina she would say you scare the creepy guys away, I'm talking about safe friendship. It's nice to know you're always there if I need you, you know? You help me without being asked to most of the time, and you don't even realise it. Remember that time half of the class fell sick and you spent a day going to the store to take medicines for every specific illness we had? Or remember when me and Mina almost broke up because of that stupid broken plate and you talked me out of it saying something like "If you really want to break up with her go on, but I'm breaking your nose because this is a really stupid fucking reason to break up with the girl of your dreams"? That's stuff that touches people. Yeah, your love can't be defined as kind, but it's real. Everyone needs to have a friend that will straight up tell them when they're wrong and that doesn't sugarcoat things. You're that guy, man. I’m glad I have you as a friend."

Katsuki is stunned into silence. He didn’t think Kirishima would be this specific.

“Hello? Are you still there?” His friend asks, thinking the line has fallen. Katsuki clears his throat before answering “Yeah. I didn’t expect all of this. Thanks, Eijirou, I appreciate it.”

His friend chuckles. “No worries, bro. Also, what’s going on with this roommate of yours? And don’t tell me that it’s just a deal, we both know it’s a lie. What type of person is she?”

Katsuki groans. He is currently in his feelings though, so he shares a bit of what’s on his mind lately.

“She’s cool, I guess. She knows how to deal with my mood swings in a way that… you-know-who didn’t do. She’s funny when she wants to be and she stands her ground with me, but she’s also pretty kind from what I’ve seen. Sometimes too much. It annoys me,” he says almost whispering. He feels like if he raises his voice even a little bit then he won’t be able to not think about you for the rest of the day. Almost as if the raw things he’s feeling right now will come back to haunt him.

Kirishima hums. He knows he won’t get more than his friend already said. It’s a miracle he even talked about something so personal.

“I’m glad you found a good roommate, man. You know how they say, calm at home equals calm at work” he says.

“And who says that?” responds Katsuki, raising both his voice and one eyebrow.

“Me” Kirishima proudly says.

“This was some of the corniest shit you ever said, Kiri. And I saw you propose to Mina” Katsuki barks.

His friend bursts out laughing. “Yeah, and you’re still my best man at the wedding.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’m gonna work out now, see you at work” he says rolling his eyes.

“Sure, man. See ya,” and he hangs up.

Katsuki gets up from his bed and goes straight toward your bedroom door. He makes sure to knock before opening it, then crosses his arms and leans on the side of it. You look up at him from your desk and stretch. You’ve been writing for hours.

“How’s your vitamin D intake?” he asks you. You look confused. Is this a dirty joke?

“Why?”

“Because. Answer the question,” he says.

“Are you talking about dick or the literal sun?” You respond.

“Both. I do think you need to get laid. It could make you less insufferable” he answers, smirking.

“Fuck off, Katsuki” you roll your eyes. “By the way, I could use a walk if you want to go out. Do we need groceries or something?” You stand up, going next to him. Up close your height difference is even more noticeable.

“Nah. I was thinking about Saturday” he says looking down at you. Damn. If she comes a little closer I could strangle her without exerting too much effort. I’d just have to straighten my arms and get her neck and-

“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re freaking me out. Please cover your eyes and get out of my way, I need to pee” you tell him scowling, bumping his shoulder and getting out of your room. “Also, I did say that you can choose to go out, so if you show love by taking someone to the Bahamas, I have nothing to object to.”

You hear him humming before entering the bathroom door.

“I can’t take you to the Bahamas, ‘cause if I see that ass in a bikini, you’re getting both of your vitamins D” he mumbles, just having finished staring at your backside and knowing you can’t hear him. He shakes his head to make the voices disappear, then prepares himself to work out. A run will do.

It’s finally Saturday. For this deal both you and Katsuki took the day off at work, so it’s basically a small vacation. You wake up at 9 am, which isn’t even that bad, but when you get out of your room with sleep still on your features you see your roommate super busy in the kitchen. He’s so focused that you think he hasn’t noticed you, so you stare at him for a bit. He’s such a housewife. Let me take a picture, you think.

When he hears the click of your phone’s camera he snaps his head towards you. “Delete that shit,” he says with a deep voice.

“On my dead body, Mr. Bakugou,” you reply.

He growls, then throws you a mean look. “I’m poisoning your food, brat.”

“Oh! You’re cooking for me? How nice of you” you say genuinely, getting closer to him and observing what he’s doing.

“Don’t look. It’s for later. We’re having a picnic” he roughly responds.

“Is this what you planned on doing for today?” You ask, smiling up at him.

“Yeah” he says hesitantly. He didn’t think you’d be excited, and seeing you smile for something so little makes him pause. He composes himself, remaining neutral. “I'ma need your help though, we’re baking cookies. Is that easy enough for you, dumbass?” He continues, smirking.

“Hey!” You pout, throwing a punch at his arm. He chuckles. You’re surprised, because you’re not used to hearing his laugh, but you go with the flow and laugh with him. His laugh is a bit rough, just like him: you like it though, because it shows a little of that particular side he doesn’t show often. You’re a sucker for it, your need to always know every detail being quelled a little and making you feel light. Being in Katsuki’s presence is like being exposed to the bright and hot July sun for a whole day and finally finding a bottle of fresh water. You still don’t know if he’s the sun or the water, you just know that it makes you happy.

You start mixing the ingredients according to the recipe he reads you and he occasionally screams that you’re not doing it the right way, taking over. After a while he frustrates you so much that you take a bit of flour, put it on your hand and then slap it on his chest. He’s flabbergasted, your white handprint on his black tee super visible. He doesn’t say anything for 5 minutes, just staring at you and at his shirt, while you’re on the floor crying from how much you’re laughing from his expression.

“You bitch” he seethes, scowling. “If you want me to show you how I hate people, you’re on the right fucking path”. Then he takes some cookie batter and smears it on your forehead. You try fighting him but he gets both of your wrists in one of his hands in a matter of seconds, and you can’t escape.

He gets on your eye level and with mirth in his eyes tells you “Y’can’t win at this. Keep on cooking or you’re not gonna taste what I prepared for you”. You poke out your tongue with laughter still in your irises. He rolls his eyes, trying to appear mad. At that moment, you realise that- He’s having fun. He's happy.

"If you're going to boss me around I'm at least going to have the music privilege," you tell him, wriggling out of his grasp. He whines, saying how your music always gives him a headache, but he's lying. You caught him singing along more than he would want to know.

You keep on cooking and singing all morning. You laugh, you scream while running around your living room making fun of each other (well, you laugh, he scowls), you truly enjoy your free time for the first time in what feels like ages. Katsuki doesn't try to hide that he's enjoying himself and how he gets annoyed when you're not on tune, and you beam at the fact he feels comfortable enough to show you some of his true colors. Your chocolate chip cookies turn out to be pretty amazing, and Katsuki says that it's only because he made the recipe himself.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Y/N" he smirks, looking at you breaking one cookie in half. You're both sitting down, having just finished taking them out of the oven.

"You know, you never call me by my name. Is that because you're rude or do you have problems with showing affection? How's your relationship with your mother?" you mock him while munching.

He flicks your forehead and blows on your face, making you scowl. He smells like the cookie he just finished eating plus a little bit of the coffee you made for the both of you. You offer him the bigger half of the cookie you broke in two, and he stares at you for a bit before taking it.

"You could've given me the smaller part. It's not like we don't have enough of them" he mumbles. You just shrug.

"Just take it. It came as a natural gesture, don't worry, it's not like I like you enough as a person to plan something like that" you reply, flipping him off while standing up and dusting yourself.

"Go prepare yourself. We're going out in 30 minutes," he tells you ignoring your middle finger right in his face and looking at his watch. If you didn't think about it it's even worse, dumbass , he thinks.

"30 minutes?! But I want to be cute! Ugh! You could've told me sooner!" you scream while running toward your door, and you hear him scoffing. You turn around and look at him, still basking in the sun that comes from the window in front of the kitchen counter. He seems more peaceful than he's ever looked, with flour on his clothes and his hair ruffled up from how much his hands were in it when you were doing something wrong baking.

"Kats?"

"Yeah, Y/N?"

"This was cute. We should do this again sometimes. You're a great cook" you say, giving him one of your most genuine smiles. He nods, then tells you to hurry up. When he's alone in the kitchen he brings one of his hands on his chest and hears how fast his heart is beating. He groans. You're going to give him a heart disease. Was this day a good idea?

You get out of the house and he has to force himself to not look at your legs. You wore one of those flowy summer dresses that compliments your skin so well he feels like he'll have a nosebleed at the end of the day. Fuck Katsuki, get a hold of yourself. You sound like a horny teenager, he scolds himself.

You lay your blanket on the green grass of one of the parks near your apartment, and he gets out different tupperwears with different things in them. He even gets out two bentos filled to the brim with food. You're shocked.

"Just how early did you get up to do all of this?! There's so much food!" you excitedly say, looking at the pearly whites of his teeth when he flashes you a shy smile for a fraction of a second, before returning to his usual impassible face.

"Early enough to see you still sleeping like the lazy ass you are. Don't flatter me too much, dumbass: dig in, you're gonna taste the best fucking food you'll ever eat. I'm never doing all of this again, but I'm gonna win this fucking deal no matter what" he says.

"You mean I just had to make a bet with you to make you a decent human being for a day? I'm writing it down" you joke. He rolls his eyes, scowl ever present on his features.

"Oh! By the way, I thought about doing something too. We're going to play a bunch of different games and whoever wins the majority of them is going to clean the house alone for two weeks. Are you in? Or are you scared to lose?" you ask him, pointing your fork at him and looking mischievous.

"You're talking to a master here. You're gonna be so sorry for yourself at the end of the day" he responds, looking ready to annihilate you.

You spend the rest of the afternoon eating and playing with each other. You're both really competitive, so most games finish as ties, but you have fun. When the sun starts setting, you get your things and start going toward your apartment.

"By the way, I won the flag quiz. That's so much better than winning fucking monopoly" he says frowning.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, loser," you tell him.

"We're gonna have a rematch. I'm gonna get your ass so bad you'll cry" he barks, glaring at your laughing form.

You open your door and mimick a parrot with your hand, like you're saying he's all talk and no smoke. He slaps the back of your head receiving an ouch from you, then puts the containers he used to prepare lunch in the sink. You sit on the kitchen counter while he's washing them.

"So, you're big on acts of service? That's how you show love, right?" you ask him, swinging your legs and looking at his back.

"Yeah, basically. I like it when people enjoy the things I do for them, I guess" he answers, not turning his face toward you. "Instead, your love language is quality time, right?" he continues.

You hum. "I like physical contact too, but it depends on the person I'm receiving it from, you know? It makes me super uncomfortable if someone forces it on me" you explain, shrugging. He nods, drying his hands and turning around.

"I noticed," he says.

"How?"

"I'm good at details. That's why I'm good at everything I do," he responds, seriously.

"Woah, your ego just blinded me," you tell him, a bit disgusted.

"Whatever. Hot choco then we order out?" he offers.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. What about you make it?" you whine, and he scoffs.

"You ain't no princess, get your ass up," he says, putting one of his hands on your thigh and shaking it. He's positioned in a way where he maintains some distance, but if he were to take two steps he'd be between your legs. She's not uncomfortable now, he thinks. You huff, then hop off the kitchen counter.

"You should call me princess, since you look like the assassin the rival king hired to kill me" you mumble, getting a pan out.

"Oh, I'd kill you just right, princess" he whispers in your ear, making you shiver. He sounded kind of serious, too.

You push him away, calling him an idiot, and he chuckles before ordering pizza for the both of you.

Well, today was nice, you tell yourself, a little smile on your lips. I'd even like his pomeranian-looking ass if he wasn't so rude, you remark.

Meanwhile, as he's looking at you singing to yourself, he thinks that if he doesn't distance himself a bit from your big eyes and pretty smile, your story will be an "enemies to lovers" instead of a runaway princess and her assassin.

Tag list:

@perfectsukii @sleepykittycx @what-the-jams @bakunianadecorazon @vensunzy @eyesforbkg @bffrrufr @imas1mpp @cold-deep-water @peonies-and-teacakes @berryvioo @opticesmeray @one-piece-frvr7 @youngststark @kahelis

[kabr0ztrousers]

Can I get some dubcon ball sucking with a fem reader and a large monster? For the monster I'll let you choose BUT it has to be one you haven't written about yet.

Kabr0z Writes episode 74: Loxodon Warhammer

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

CWs: fellatio; dubcon; size difference; alcohol use; intox; anal sex

A/N: Writer's block has been absolutely kicking my ass today, so please enjoy the easiest thing close to the top of the requests queue :D I'm just happy I thought of a loxodon as a potential creature that meets both requirements!

#####################################

Fun fact: elephants have prehensile penises. You discovered this the fun way.

It started as all good nights do: in a smoky nightclub, populated by all sorts of human variants. They wouldn't normally let a baseliner like yourself in, but you knew the bouncer so as long as you didn't get weird with any of the patrons you'd be allowed. Too many issues with so-called monsterfuckers being pushy and putting people off. Just because someone has fur, a wolf head, and hardware to match, doesn't mean they're always down to fuck. So, places like this started up for variants to meet and spend their money on overpriced lager and cocktails. You weren't the only baseliner in the place, sure, but you wouldn't get in without someone vouching for you, be that a guest or a member of staff.

Now, you weren't allowed to hit on anyone, but that didn't mean you weren't allowed to be hit on. Plenty of variants start a night looking to avoid baseliners, but get enough drinks in anyone and they'll start looking to get lucky. As you stood at the bar, short skirt strategically rumpled at the back to give a good view of your pastel-pink thong as it separated your asscheeks, that's precisely what you were counting on.

You'd expected a lupine to make a move on you, maybe an equine, maybe even a felinid though they tend not to frequent places like this. What you hadn't expected was half a tonne of man in a tailored suit and the head of an elephant to step up behind you. Loxodons tend not to be party people, and it's not hard to see why. You're not small, about 5'8 and about 80kg, but this man dwarfed you in every respect. He must have been at least 8 or 9 foot, and was so broad two of you could stand abreast and still hide behind his immense bulk.

He offered you a drink, you accepted. Then another, and another. You got to talking. He was a postdoc from a few cities over, in your neck of the woods for a conference. It seems like it went well enough, he sure wasn't holding back on the drinks. Every fruity cocktail he bought you, he'd get two or three pints of beer, swigging them back with gusto. He was apparently a civil engineer with a speciality in bridge design, he'd been teaching classes for a few years including supervising a PhD student. He'd also been single for several years.

It finally got to kicking-out time: the early hours of the morning, after the band had packed up and left, long past the last train that would get you home safe, clinging to the sleeve of the massive elephant-man steering you towards his hotel. You remember him swiping his keycard to get in, then again in the lift to bring you both up to his room. The double bed was made, the sheets smelling of detergent as you fell onto it. He didn't bother moving your skirt, sliding the thong down your legs and past the six-inch heels on your feet. His trunk brushed your pussy, already wet with drunken anticipation. Your blouse was next, lifting over your spinning head, then your bra, deftly unfastened with one surprisingly nimble hand before being cast aside.

You lay there, barely able to move in your stupor. Feeling the soft sheets on your bare skin as he undressed himself. Two strong hands pulled your face up into his crotch. The musky skin of his ballsack smothered you. Every breath in bore the warm smell of his sweat. You opened your mouth, tasting him as he held you to him. You tried to pull away from him, but he wasn't done. You couldn't get a proper breath, every attempt filling your mouth and nose with the pliant skin pressed against you. Your hands slapped against his thigh. He pulled you away from him as you gasped for air. It was then you noticed it hanging above you, swaying slightly as it did. Your mouth hung open as he held you, transfixed by the huge, thick cock above you.

It curved down, the tip brushing your lips. You opened a little wider, allowing it to press between your lips, stretching your jaw open as he repositioned you. He was barely in you, but already at the back of your mouth, the flare at your tonsils. Your gags only spurred him on, massaging his tip with your mouth. Your eyes watered and he started grunting as precum leaked out, filling your mouth as his balls churned.

The cock popped out of your mouth, moving with a will of its own as it slathered precum and spit over your face, mingling with your tears and streaking your eyeliner down your face. He turned you around, bending you over the bed. One hand spread your asscheeks as his member pressed up against it, the end flexing against the tight hole as he applied his weight behind it, working himself in to you. You cried out into the sheets as he stretched your inexperienced asshole, the girth of it feeling as though he may tear you open. His hands were on your hips, shoving his immense length into you, pushing this way and that. Your hand was on your clit, numbly rubbing yourself, pushing through the pain in pursuit of your release. The sound of your fingers slopping over your wet cunt spurred him on, pushing harder as he picked up speed.

Your cries turned to moans as you gradually became accustomed to the aggressive fucking the loxodon was subjecting you to. You could feel your toes starting to curl as your ass rose up to meet him, even as he was already over a foot inside you. Your body shook around him, your breath catching and heart pounding as your moans turned back to screams of release.

The elephant behind you didn't last long with you crying and clenching. He roared as he rammed another six inches into you, making you cry out in surprise and pain. Cum started to flow from him, and didn't stop. Spurt after spurt, each one pumping two or three ounces of hot, sticky seed into your ass. You could feel it sloshing around, causing you to swell and bloat as over three litres of fluid was shot into you. You thought you could taste it, but maybe that's just your imagination.

He lifted you into his great arms before lying back onto the bed. He was soft, and warm, like a huge waterbed. His cock stayed in you for hours, shrinking so slowly after he fucked the energy out of you. You dozed off on top of him.

You woke without him in the morning, with an aching ass and a note on the pillow next to you. He had an early train, but left his phone number.

Just in case.

#######################################################

Well, this one took me all day, so the promised Sunday Spectacular ain't happening tonight. Maybe I'll start something tonight and finish it tomorrow, maybe not.

I'll catch up, don't worry

By the way, this is what a Loxodon looks like

[weebsinstash]

As much as I want to have children by this man, let's take a moment to sip our platonic yandere Miguel juice

-i can't decide which sex he'd be more partial to in a 'child'/you since in the movie there was Gabriella but in the comics he eventually has a son who becomes the next Spiderman but--

-as a girl i just naturally think of a lot of those sorts of gender specific ideas 👉👈 he's this big scary hulking intimidating threat and his "daughter" is the one melting his cold exterior

-doesnt matter if you're a grown ass woman, Miguel sees you struggling to braid your hair and suddenly here he is, full dad mode, doing it for you,and depending on how close you two are, maybe he disguises it with "ugh, stop spending so much time messing around with that. If I do it for you will you get back to work? 🙄", but really it's just your new self proclaimed dad/tio wanting to help braid your hair and help you feel pretty and, oh, how he can fondly remember the last time he helped braid "his daughter's" hair...

-of course this evolves to him just loving to do things with your hair. Braid it, wear it natural, style it, use products on it, hes got you. you were just trying to put your hair in a lazy updo like a ponytail or bun and this man doesn't let you leave until he's got you completely combed out, hair braided with ribbons, and of course this entire time youre awkwardly sitting there in a chair in his absolute cave of a workstation with this gargantuan 6'9 man there, "so how was your day? Staying out of trouble?"

-really I mean. Is stealing other people's kids NOT technically in character for him. You're unfortunate enough to trauma bond with this man and you're never getting rid of him

-you hear Miles Morales call him tio (as in the tio meaning dude) and you jokingly teasingly start calling him tio, which Miguel secretly pretends is the version that means uncle. You're just constantly joking around or looking up at him with these big pouty eyes, "but tio 🥺 can't I PLEASE--" and its like. Lmao people know that if they need to ask Miguel for a favor, that it increases their chances to have you ask in their stead

- I mean, as a female adult abused as a child by my own father, raised by a single mom myself, like...

Reader flinches away when Peter B goes to give you a supportive pat on the back or comes in for a high five after a mission and you force yourself to laugh because you're feeling more than just a little awkward and in the spotlight. "Oh, sorry, that was dumb!" And they eventually get you to kind of anxiously word vomit "my dad used to just kind of, rough me up sometimes when I did something wrong! It-it could've been a lot worse honestly, but, it-it just makes me kinda jumpy around guys sometimes! It's not a big deal, or personal or anything. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad 🥺"

Peter B, Jessica, and Miguel all there as older parental figures and also literal parents, immediately exchange looks and agree like "oh hell naw, don't like that" and you get silently adopted by all three of em right then and there

-if it's a physically abusive father and you're still the victim of abuse, I imagine your dad had some suspicious figures suddenly show up in the middle of the night to terrify and threaten the shit out of him and suddenly you aren't getting as manhandled anymore

-can you imagine, like, you show up to Spider Society one day with a black eye "oh, this? It's, it's nothing. My dad is just, he's about to make police captain and he's really stressed about it is all" cue all your friends mentally high fiving around the table because your abusive piece of shit dad is going to die and you don't even know. When it happens they'll all be "oh no, sweetie, I'm SOOOO sorry :(" meanwhile they're thrilled bc now you don't have any parents and they can weasel in there as your new family, schedule your birthday parties, monopolizing more of your time, things like that

-goddd I just imagine it could become some kind of weird fucked up enmeshed scenario where the structure it's providing for your life is actually good for you meanwhile Miguel is like, retroactively kind of soothing some of his trauma both from his own childhood and what happened with the second universe he broke that it's just like. You're a grown ass adult and this man is tucking you in goodnight and saying "te amo, mija" at the doorway and you bet his ass is going to stand there and not let you sleep until you say it back. He knows you're just absolutely seething at him and he'll still refuse to leave without a grumbling "te amo, pap�� 🙄"

-He eventually just has you doing so much shit and depending on him so much that it starts to become second nature to you. one day you're in the Society doing one of the odd jobs you're allowed to help with and suddenly you're thinking, "Ugh I actually don't know what to do next, I wish Papá was here to-- WAIT SHIT NO I MEAN MIGUEL--"

-lmaooooo as a non Spanish speaker I keep thinking of how awwwwwful it would be if he actually forces you to learn Spanish. Not inherently because there's anything wrong with Spanish, but, I'm not always smart, and I can just SEE him quizzing your ass, forcing you to have entire conversations in Spanish, always clicking his tongue or chuckling at you when you make a mistake and he just thinks you're so cute struggling to learn 🥰 man hears you're trying to take extra lessons from Miles and he instantly drops everything he's doing to go track the little scamp down. Insert meme "I can forgive being an anomaly but I draw the line at teaching Reader bad Spanish"

-siiiiiiigh eventually the day comes when you're in big danger and you need his help, maybe you disobeyed him and was hanging out with some other Spiders in another dimension when there was a sudden villain attack, and he comes to your rescue as a villain does something dramatic like has a gun to your head or a knife to your neck and the second you see him you're just overwhelmed wirh a sense of relief, calling out for him, calling him dad/tio/papá whatever, and he's just like 😭❤️ pumping his fist internally, like YES you are so grounded when you get back home but also 🥰 you finally called him dad without him having to twist your arm 🥰 nevermind if the "villain" who kidnapped you was actually a Spider who owed him a favor, and this whole thing was to teach you a lesson about listening to your Papá, that's not important ❤️

-Miguel who forces you to learn Spanish vs Miguel who forces you to be Catholic. I can excuse kidnapping and forced adoption but I draw the line at making me practice religion 💀 no but seriously, he probably does have certain morals and values he instills/forces upon you if he thinks you need them, and he'll probably be one of those fathers, "are you leaving the house dressed like that? Go change" and orders you not to hang out with certain people he doesn't approve of or thinks have bad character (like hobie lmao)

-bruh you two will be on a super serious important mission and this man will be like "it's dark, hold my hand so we dont get separated"

Eventually it comes to a point where you're, not perfectly behaved but, just about. If someone finds Miguel, it means you're not very far away, or vice versa. Members of the Society quickly learn not to make any advances on you or make any "adult" comments unless they want to get suspiciously hurt during a personal training session by the big boss himself. You think you're safe just cause Miguel isn't around? Nah, cause then you have Peter B and Jess keeping an eye on you, and, not that YOU'RE aware of the extent, but, if Miguel ever gets worried, he can just ask Lyla what you've been getting up to, since your modified little daypass has her installed into it and she can track your every move ❤️ helicopter parent? Oh honey, you have NO idea...

[team7-headquarter]

Team 7 introductions are like:

Naruto: I want to obtain POWER so I can force people to look at me like an actual human being and not a monster, haha! They won't ignore me or isolate me anymore! They're gonna BEG ME and put their lives on my hands and— Oh and ramen. All the ramen. And maybe prove to everyone that they are dumb ass fuck for not believing in me? Yeah, prove them wrong, that's cool! And and and Iruka-sensei is cool! I'm so happy when someone does the bare minimum and respects my life and acknowledges the fact that I'm just a kid and that I'm suffering (one of) the craziest discrimination acts applied by our government Hokage...

Sakura: you know how the first real goal I got like the first thing I wanted for myself after years of being bullied and being nobody and wanting to disappear was the affection of this boy? Well, all these other girls think I don't stand a chance and that they'll get the boy, so I'm gonna win the boy and laugh at their faces. Does it mean that I need validation and affection and attention and love? Not, what are you saying, I have a perfect normal life and parents that are totally involved in my life and I am happy! So happy! I wouldn't know what sadness or loneliness is like! Never! I'm normal and totally nothing to worry about!

Sasuke: you'll find that the things you like in life are meaningless when you carry the trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide committed by the brother you loved and adored. I want him dead which shouldn't be surprising given that we live in a society ruled by violence, right? I hate a lot of things because I'm painfully aware of how miserable our reality is. Since this is my trauma, no one else has the right to do something about it. They certainly didn't seemto have the balls to go after him, even when they call him criminal, so I'm gonna kill Itachi myself. Obsessed you said? Try enjoying life when you know someone can commit genocide and no one would give a fuck and the government won't do a thing. Try caring for others knowing they can get kill any day and you'll have to look the other way. I dare you to.

Kakashi: *most emotionally neglected adult in the village, abandoned as a kid, saw his father do the right thing and get so socially pressured he ended up commiting suicide and the government didn't give a shit, forced to become a perfect weapon at young age to show off the village strength, forced to become an elite assassin as a kid, people in the village widely making fun of his trauma and acting like he's just weird / peculiar and not on the verge of losing his mind for real, a champ at dissociation and a minute more away taking roots in front of the graves of his mistakes because he spent way too much time there in self-punishment, basically the most miserable jounin in the whole village*

Kakashi: hm, I won't let you get to know me or get close to me because everything I touch dies and I don't want to get attachments because you're soldiers and you might die and it doesn't matter that I have history with two of your families and that you all remind every single minute of the boy I watched die and the girl that I killed and the boy used to be. You will never know any of that. I am a whole man with a whole life that you'll never know because I am just your superior here and you must obey me in our missions. I'm definitely not hiding the fact that the village just failed me and set me up to be the one who failed you all in case you get killed or lose your shit once and for all.

[babyboywinchester]

Helloo,

I am kinda new to the supernatural fandom (i saw the show but don't interacted much with the fandom) - and i just have a few questions if you don't mind. So, were do i even start? I knew that shipping is always a part of any fandom. And i don't mind this.. i mean this is what fanfiction is for. But i am know kinda disturbed from the whole D/C... some of these people a extremly obsessive with this ship. In a really unhealthy and toxic way. Why do so many people ship this?? Like were is the chemistry, hell were are even all this moments they are talking about?! The reason why i am writing this whole long ass question (which turned out to be a rant - i'm so sorry for this) is.. i saw this video on youtube (some dest*el stuff) from the "official" spn channel and do you know if this is is even a real channel.. it has soo less follower and since this *ship* is not even close to be canon, why post then such a video? Like i said, i am new maybe i am missing some parts... but some of the few stuff i saw was that it was always clear that this ship is nowhere near canon.. so first the podcast of these extras and now the yt video on the channel... it kinda makes me sad that soo many people are always are talking about this weird ship.. and not about the beautiful relationship between the brothers.

Puhh this message really did get out of control... gosh i am so really sooo sorry!! Hope you have a nice day😊

Apologize not, dear anon! I’m more than happy to explain from my point of view.

First, know that you are not the only one, and in fact, Destiel (the diehard Hellers that is) is in the minority as far as fandom goes. They’re loud and they’re in echo chambers that occasionally escape containment and they rightly so get ridiculed and taken to task for… but I digress. They are small. They’ve made the whole show, in their minds, about this one Totally Canon Ship™️ that For Real Happened On God when… neither of those things are true.

We could try and get to the why of it, but I’m not too sure there is one definitive answer to that. They’re cry babies who think, essentially, TV shows have to cater to them because they said so.

Supernatural was never about and never will be about a “gay” angel and a “bi” hunter who are Totally Forreal Husbands Look At The (non existent) Subtext™️. The channel I’m sure was being run by a runaway heller. Go ahead and check the view counts on those videos by the way… minimal. That’s AFTER Destihellers tried to use their “influence” to get those numbers up. It’s hilarious how often they are absolutely destroyed over their delusions. It never gets better for them and never will. No matter how loud, how much they tout the “we have 1 millions fics on AO3!”, or how insistent they get with their gay lighting theories, Dean dances with a lamp which is a stand in for Casshole, etc…. They’re grasping at straws and have nothing to show for it. They are but to be pitied dear anon.

Am I any better being as I ship wincest? Yes, because wincest will never be canon, and I’m okay with that, but it’s still more canon than Destiel being as it was a American gothic horror show and one of the main themes in that genre is… fucked up family dynamics/incest.

They don’t call it LOSEcest.

Thank you for your ask and like I said do not fret and try not to feed those little beasties.

[ray935sworld]

Two birthdays (Marcmarc)

Chapter 1: Vale

Normally, Bez would already be drunk. It was close to midnight. Dinner got replaced by shots and games about 2 hours ago. Normally he'd be the one chanting and being a bad influence on everyone around him to drink too.

But not today.

It had been a nice day. An amazing day. They had celebrated Vale's birthday on the ranch. The number 46 was now 46 himself and they celebrated it accordingly.

Racing, bikes, all of the academy at the ranch, in his hair, annoying and poking at him, just like it has been for years. He only laughed it off when they called him old, close to 50. In the break, Vale played with his daughters, took a few laps around the ranch with his oldest and left the boy to their games.

They had cake in the afternoon and then helped prepare dinner. It felt domestic like a big family. Many people that were dear to the younger Italian were there.

It was a cozy evening and Bez didn't want to miss it for anything in the world. They sat together, shared stories and laughter. They made jokes and played old games that Vale had taught them. It felt like one of those days that somehow lasted forever and were over in the blink of an eye.

There were many people. Bez didn't know most of them but with the various stages of drunk they were in, it was lots of fun anyway.

Marco smiled as he looked around. Pecco and Luca were pretty drunk, pecco's head in Lucas lap while they were arguing over something ridiculous. Cele was almost completly out after he got challenged to shots by some of Vale's old friends. They had clearly won. Franky and Migno were god knows where doing things Bez refused to think further about.

He was the only one of the gang that wasn't as drunk as the rest. He did had some drinks, it was impossible not to. But he managed to avoid most black out drunk tries. After all he had to behave now to not be humiliated the next day.

He had already started to wonder when it was publicly accepted to leave and he had set his mind to 1am. Latest. Maybe more midnight

But as always, Vale had different plans. He manged to keep him there, asking question where he had to go, why he had to leave so early. And he wanted to lie and tell him that Aprilla wanted him in the factory the next day. But his idiot ass of course had spilled that he got the week off. One last total break before the season started.

"Come on, you're not running off!" Vale slurred. "You're not even as drunk as I thought you'd be. I bet on you falling asleep on track!" "That was one time!" he laughed, still in a side hug with his mentor.

"Still! Why I drunk you not?" "I'm drunk!" he tried. And he was drunk. A little bit. He could feel the alcohol making him even more talkative as normal but he had to keep his mouth shut or he'd say thing he'd regret.

"No!!!! So-!" he asked with the drunk version of his teachers gaze that demanded answers. "A girl." he stated. "NOOO. Wait. It's you. Bez. No. No girl. You.... A boy?" "You're drunk Vale" "NOT an answer! Answer! Answer! Answer!" he demanded while pooking him in the side.

"I- It's nothing really." "Then stay! If you don't have a date tomorrow stay! Get drunk! I didn't pay for all that alc for you to stay sober! Hell even Maro is drunk!" and that always means a lot considering the Honda rider barely drunk enough so it was noticeable that he was drunk.

That's how it went whenever Bez tried to leave. Every time he just mentioned calling himself a cap to get home - very much to the lack of understanding from Vale who was still trying to get Bez to just sleep at the ranch like most of the academy - Vale argued to stay.

And normally Bez would have agreed. He would have gotten drunk, sung weird songs with Cele and encourage Luca to drunkly tell him his newest one piece theory after complaining about whatever reason he disliked the newest arc. He and Pecco would annoy Franky just to get chased away by Migno for cockblocking him. He would probably sooner or later get super emotional and hug Vale while crying

He still remembered Vale's 40th birthday on which drunk Bez had the genius idea to tell him how sad he was that Vale was old and would die soon. It took months until the constant jokes had died down and still it was a welcome running gag for them.

Normally Bez would either end up sleeping in a corner no sober person would think of as an accepted bed replacement. Or someone, most of the time Uccio, had managed to get him in his bed which he would then leave to join the cuddle pool that had started to form. Most of the time either in pecco's or Luca's room.

Normally he wouldn't even think about leaving early or taking a taxi.

But now he did. Now he had to. Because now he had a flight to catch that no one knew about. He couldn't stay on the ranch and miss his flight. That would be a desaster.

In the end it was almost 3am on the 17th when he manged to leave. He sighed when he looked at his watch. He knew he had bought this onto himself. He couldn't have just sneaked away but he thought it was cruel to leave without saying goodbye. And Vale was finally tired enough that he just mumbled a goodnight back at him.

His flight was in 3 hours. He needed at least 1 hours to get through security and as a safety puffer, around 1.5 hours to take a long shower, wash his hair - thanks to Cele throwing glitter all over his hair, not that he though he'd be able to get it all out - dry it, change and then drive to the airport. It'd take around 20mins to get home and another 20 to get to the airport.

Perfect. The 3 hours were basically gone.

He just had to sleep in the plane so he wouldn't be completly humiliated by being overtired and exhausted once Roser picked him up at the airport in Barcelona to get Marc, who had no idea about all of this, the first birthday surprise of the day.

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 3 MATCH 18

Dys propaganda:

“Autistic ecoterrorist king - not canonically autistic afaik but he's one of those characters where it's like come on. This is basically canon. He's deeply weird and very distant from most people but if you get close to him he's ride or die, he's quietly adventurous, he says at one point that he feels like he was born in the wrong species, in the prepubescent stage of the game one of the default openers for approaching him is that he's sitting there sorting rocks for fun. I love his weird emo ass <3”

“Maybe I just have a thing for sad emo boys but I immediately loved dys so so much. kind of an outcast boy for the entire game, he feels like he really does fit in with the rest of the colony kids and is honestly pretty upset about people trying to industrialize/destroy the nature of the planet they've landed on because he thinks its so beautiful and they'd be best to just leave things alone and let nature run its course. has a twin sister who's pretty much the exact opposite of him and they both have a kind of jealousy about what the other has (dys thinks everyone thinks his sister is better than him and that everyone likes her more than they like him and wants to feel cared for the way he thinks she is. she feels she has a lot of expectations on her and wishes for the freedom she believes dys has with no expectations or eyes on him) however you can make them kind of bond if you choose to. if you dont date him and kind of if you do he falls in love with a humanoid alien on the planet that the player can also date and be in a polycule. i really just wanna give this boy a hug because he desperately needs one”

Nightowl propaganda:

"VOTE NIGHTOWL MY MENTALLY UNWELL MOMMY ISSUES FUELLED PUPPYBOY BOYTOY TWINK !!!!!!!!!!! MY TELEKINESIS THROWS EVERYTHING ACROSS THE ROOM"

"HE'S SO SPECIAL HE CALLS YOU A BITCH LIKE YEAH DUDE I'M ALSO MEAN WHEN I'M ANGRY ITS OKAY HE'S STUDYING TO BE AN ARCHITECT HES CUTE AND FUNNY AND ENERGETIC HE LIKES PLAYING WOULD YOU RATHER AND JUST TALKING AND HAVING GAME QUIZZES HES PERFECT AND HES FLAWED AND THAT JUST MAKES HIM EVEN MORE PERFECR INSECURE BBY MY LOVE"

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

snowflake, you know you're the only one (Obey Me!)

A/N: Aaaaahhhhh! I'm finally caught up!! My days are all back in order!! And to the person who sent me a request, I'm working on that, too!! It's just that this past weekend kicked my ass a bit more than I realized it would 😅 But now that I'm all caught up, things will go a lot smoother! I promise!

Pairing(s): Solomon x MC, Barbatos x Solomon + Asmo x Solomon if you squint

Prompt(s): 9. Solomon

Summary: The sorcerer and his apprentice visit a christmas tree farm in the Human World in order to bring back to their Devildom home - and make plenty of jokes along the way

Tag(s): Fluff, dark humor, silliness :3

Word Count: 897

Song Inspiration: Snowflake by Sia

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

~*~

[Series Masterlist]

[Read on AO3]

[Author Masterlist]

~*~

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31]

~*~

“You know, I never thought that I’d one day call the Devildom home. Even less so did I think I would ever simultaneously believe it to be weird coming back to the Human World.” Solomon says thoughtfully.

“Oh?” MC looks at him, their hands swinging between them. “All that magic you got and you never managed to predict that, huh?”

He chuckles. “Well, to be fair, it’s quite difficult to ever predict you, even now.” His tone is teasing and fond.

“Me?” They give him a curious look. “Since when were we talking about me?”

“MC, you’re the reason I’ve even stayed in the Devildom as long as I have. You’re the reason it became my home. I mean, yes, I have more reasons nowadays. But originally? That was all you. I’d never even considered staying in the Devildom long-term until you came along.” The look on his face is serious and genuine. He means every word.

MC’s face heats up a little at such a big admission aimed at them. “What about Asmo? Or Barbatos? You’re close with both of them as well. You’ve cared about them for way longer than you’ve cared about me.” They point out.

“Maybe so. But Asmo has always been happy to go back and forth between worlds just to see me and Barbatos, well-” He sighs softly. “Things with Barbatos have always been a bit more complicated.”

They nod in understanding, squeezing his hand. “In that case, I’m glad I helped you find a new home.”

Solomon smiles at them softly, squeezing their hand back. “I’m glad, too.” He faces forward again, watching all the other people walking around. “Now, let’s go pick out a tree for that home.”

“Yes!” MC tugs Solomon along excitedly, leading him down the lane closest to them as they inspect the trees on either side.

“What is most important to you for a Christmas tree?” The apprentice asks the other.

“Tall.” Is the immediate response.

“...Tall?”

“Tall.”

“O-kay. Well, I think that a decent amount of branches should also be a focus. And the smell.”

Solomon gives the other sorcerer a strange look. “You judge me when you think the smell is most important?”

“What do you mean? The smell is very important!” They insist.

He shakes his head at them. “How could that apply to whether it’ll be a good tree or not? They all smell the exact same.”

“Huh.” MC crosses their arms over their chest. “How could the height apply, then? They’re all tall.”

Solomon stays silent for a moment before snorting, but before he could be questioned as to why, he bursts into full on laughter, throwing his head back, eyes squeezed shut tightly. Seeing him that way, MC can’t help but giggle along with him, even though they have no idea why he’s so amused.

“What is it?” They question after a long moment.

Solomon giggles, leaning into them as he speaks. “I-I was gonna say,” He takes in a deep breath before blowing it out. “That you should tell that to all of the people on Human World dating sites. A-About the height.”

It takes a moment for them to process before they, too, have their own fit of laughter. “That’s so stupid!” They exclaim.

“Exactly! That’s why you should tell them!”

“What? No, not them! You!”

“Me? Why me?”

“Your joke, you idiot! It was dumb!”

Solomon gasps with mock offense, the two of them slowly making their way down the aisle of trees as they speak. “How dare you! That was genius!” He says indignantly. “In fact, I should be a comedian. That was peak humor for the entirety of the human race.”

“Hah!” MC is quick to quip back. “If that was peak humor, then clearly the comedy genre should’ve died a long time ago.”

“What, like me?” Solomon asks with a raised eyebrow.

The one beside him lets out a half gasp, half laugh in shock. “Solomon! You can’t just say stuff like that!”

The corners of the wise sorcerer’s mouth are already starting to lift, but it’s clear he’s trying to stop himself. “What? What did I do now?”

MC smacks their hand into his chest. “You know exactly what you did. That wasn’t funny, that was terrible!”

He grins fully now, eyes filled with mirth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That was the funniest thing I’ve said in the last century and you know it.”

His partner groans, throwing their head back and looking up at the cloudy sky. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you. I really don’t.”

“You’re gonna find the best Christmas tree in this entire place and take it home and then decorate it with me.” He says matter-of-factly.

With a sigh, MC grabs his arm and wraps their own arms around it, leaning into his side. “Yes, that’s true.”

They both continue walking and looking around in a comfortable silence for a little while before MC speaks up once again.

“Hey, Solomon?”

“Yes, MC?”

“If you go anywhere near the kitchen when we get home, I’m not baking you shit for your birthday.” They say it with a smile on their face, betraying their threatening tone of voice.

“...But I like when you bake me things.” The pout in his voice is clear.

“Then don’t go anywhere near the kitchen, birthday boy.”

“Awww…”

~*~

A/N: Happy Birthday to the wise sorcerer!! He's such a silly man <3 Thank you so much for reading!! I'll see y'all tomorrow!!

~*~

Taglist:

@dutifullyuniversallykingdom

@om-adventcalendar

@the-ancient-fae

Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!

[bisexual-apocalypse]

Stressful Situations

Hello! The fic below the cut was written by the lovely @suueeeeeee ! They messaged me asking if I would be willing to edit and post this for them and after reading this delightful fic I had to say yes!

To the 2 people who requested fics! They are in the works but may take a little longer as I'm leaving for the weekend! Thank you so much for the love and support y'all!!

It was yet another day, another rehearsal and another stressful session of Andrew and the band trying their best to make sure they’re all set for today’s concert.

Ever since (y/n) had started to accompany Andrew on tour, she’s been nothing but a delight in everyone’s eyes. She made sure they all ate, stayed hydrated, and well-rested and genuinely cared for them as if she was their mother.

She sat down on the side watching them with those eyes that said ‘I’m so fucking proud’. She enjoyed every part of this tour, everything about it made her happy. She loved Andrew and therefore watching him do what really makes him happy tickled her insides and made her all giddy.

She noticed how on edge he was today, and how he was taking it out on everyone else. She felt bad for everyone but she bad for him specifically. Poor lad’s been extremely tired and exhausted. Anyone would be the same if they’d been touring nonstop for almost 2 months now, and having to put so much energy into shows every couple of days.

She felt bad for Andrew but also for the band, they were trying their best but for some reason something was messed up every now and then which resulted in Andrew cursing loudly, not at anyone in particular but just out of frustration.

She sighed and got up, heading towards him. She placed a hand on his back, stroking it softly.

“Love, take it easy, don’t stress yourself much, it’ll be okay.”

She says with a soft smile attempting to comfort him and calm him down a little bit. She felt a vein was about to pop in his forehead and he’d get a headache from frowning so much. He looked up at her with a blank expression.

“(Y/n), please. The last thing I need is distractions. Don’t tell me what to do, we have shit to get done.”

He snapped at her and this was the first time within their 9 month relationship that he had done something like this. She was taken back a little. This attitude definitely was weird cause Andrew never behaved this way even in times he was stressed out the most. She gulped and nodded her head, fighting off the tears.

“Yes yes, of course. I apologize, ehm- I’ll just wait in one of the dressing rooms, sorry guys.”

She looks at them with a sad smile and Alex turns to Andrew with the angriest glare.

“The fuck is wrong with you?”

Alex spit at Andrew and slung off his guitar then followed her immediately. They weren’t particularly close but he appreciated her taking care of Andrew and of the whole band. The woman was sweet and kind and it hurt him to see Andrew speak to her that way. He ran after her and he could see her shoulders shaking which confirmed his thoughts that she was crying.

“(Y/n/n), wait.”

He calls for her by her nickname and places a hand on her shoulder. She turns around to look at him with teary eyes and a wet face. She wipes her eyes quickly and sniffs not wanting to seem weak or like a crybaby. He just takes her in for a hug.

“He didn’t mean it, you know he’s crazy about you, but he’s just stressed. It’s not an excuse though. You have every right to be upset just don’t take it to seriously, okay? I’ll kick his ass.”

She pulls back, chuckling a little then nods her head with a sigh.

“I know, Alex. I’m not upset with him, I’m just upset for him. He’s been so exhausted and it’s starting to take a toll on him. I’ll just give him some time. Maybe after tonight’s show he’ll feel a little less stressed.”

Alex blinks at her and wonders how the fuck someone could be this peaceful and kind. Now, Alex was 10x angrier with Andrew for hurting her feelings and he intended to give him a piece of his mind but after tonight’s show. He softly rubs her shoulder.

“Just go get yourself something to drink and don’t think about it much, I’m sure he’ll apologize in no time.”

She nodded and thanked Alex and walks away, but it was obvious she was still upset. He sighed and walked back to the main stage area to find Andrew still strumming the guitar with the same frown except it was now deeper. The tension was too thick and the vibes were really bad unlike how it would normally be. He picked up his guitar again and when Andrew noticed they started rehearsing again.

———————————————————-

One time while performing, Andrew finished his water bottle and he kept on looking around for someone to refill it for him but for some reason everyone was busy with technical difficulties going on so she took it upon herself to get him another water bottle. She didn’t think much of walking on stage as she just wanted to get Andrew his water cause poor thing’s vocal cords must’ve been screaming for help.

When she walked on stage, everyone was confused, including Andrew himself. She handed him the water bottle, took the empty one with a smile. His heart exploded at that moment and he instantly reached out and hugged her which caused her to blush deeply. He was openly hugging her in front of everyone, which was something she wasn’t used to, which also caused the fans to go crazy for that moment. After he let go, she ran backstage, but ever since that moment, (Y/n) made an appearance every concert when handing Andy his water bottle which was always thanked by a side hug.

Andrew was thinking to himself, would she do their ritual tonight even though he was a total ass towards her? He openly admitted to himself that he was mean and rude towards her, but his energy lately had been so low. He’s starting to get exhausted from the constant traveling and performing. Therefore, he decided to get her some flowers and take her out for dinner after they’re done with the show. However, he was upset at the fact that there’ll be no water bottle from her tonight which will get the fans talking and it’ll just create a hassle he’s in no mood for.

Much to his surprise, amidst his performance, he heard loud screams and cheers which confused until he felt someone place a water bottle down on the floor in front of him and he looked and saw his beautiful partner. She looked up at him with a tight smile then walked back. At this point, his heart exploded with so much love for that woman and his love for her grew a million times.

——————————————————-

The show was an absolute success, the vibes were very nice despite everything happening prior to the performance and everyone was happy with how everything came out.

Everyone was putting their things back in place and was making sure they’re all set to retire to their rooms to relax after a long, stressful and emotionally draining day.

Meanwhile, (y/n) was in the tour bus, packing a small backpack to spend the night in a hotel. She kept reminding herself that he never meant it and it was his tired mind talking but she just couldn’t accept the fact that someone spoke to her that way in front of the whole band. Had they been alone, she would have just ignored it, joked about it and teased him until he became less grumpy but the fact that he snapped at her like that, for some, reason felt humiliating.

She walked out of the tour bus when Alex was going in. He saw her bag then frowned.

“Where are you going? It’s late.”

He asked her, feeling genuinely worried. He started thinking the worst. Is she going to leave Andrew? Is she going to fly back to Dublin for a break? She was the one mostly keeping their times fun on this exhausting tour leg and particularly keeping Andrew’s strength to keep going despite the exhaustion.

She sighs, looking away, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m spending the night in the hotel around the corner, Alex. I don’t think I could be around Andrew tonight. I might say something I regret and make things worse.”

“Did you at least let him know?” He knows he can’t change her mind but he also thought this was a good solution cause as chill as they both seemed to be. When they get angry, they’re monsters.

“Well- that’s going to be your job. Don’t you dare tell him where I am, Alex. Just tell him I’m fine. Let me torture him a little.”

She grins evilly and Alex lets out a laugh. That was her typical behavior, managing to make fun and humor out of dark situations.

“Alright, but let me know when you check in and come back first thing in the morning.” He pulls her in for hug then lets her go before watching her walk away.

————————————————————

She got settled in and changed into her night shirt, getting into bed. She decided to scroll down through instagram for a little, seeing that Andrew posted snippets from today’s concert as he does every time. She liked them but it was obvious to her that he wasn’t really in his normal state. She pouted, starting to feel guilty for leaving him when he’s feeling like this. She was supposed to support him through everything and the first time he does something like this, she reacts like this? Then again, he was rude towards her in front of other people. Her mind was racing with thoughts and she was feeling as if she was drowning in this dilemma when she heard knocking at the door.

She curses to herself, knowing it’s probably Andrew, cause Alex couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Deep inside, she was hoping he’d come to her. When she peaked through the door, it indeed was the one and only Andre Hozier-Byrne. She sighs, opening the door and steps to the side, nodding for him to come inside.

He walks in silently and she sees the flowers in his hands. He got her Verbenas, her favorite. He clears his throat and hands them to her.

“Ehm- I got you these.”

Truth be told, he didn’t know what to say, as the situation was awkward and it was the first time they'd dealt with something like this. They both were really chill and peaceful, when they disagree about something they just leave it and agree to disagree without forcing their own views on each other or anything like that. They both always treated each other with respect whether they were alone or with other people. She accepts the flowers, placing them on the bed next to her where she sits as he takes a seat in front of her on the small sofa.

“Love, I’m incredibly sorry. I know what I did was wrong, but I’m just so down, exhausted. I don’t feel the best. I know that this isn’t an excuse and you have every right to be mad, but please, don’t leave me.”

She could hear the desperation in his voice and she looks at him, surprised.

“Andrew, are you insane? Why the fuck would I leave you? Yes, I’m upset. I understand your point, but still upset. For you to apologise and acknowledge your mistake is more than enough. It’d take much much more than this for me to leave you. You’re stuck with me.”

She grins, sitting next him and taking him into her arms. He cuddles against her, resting his head on her chest, enjoying the feeling of her fingers combing through his hair. This was the only thing he needed. To be alone with his beloved after a long day, wrapped around each other.

[moonfurthetemmie]

I was tossing @shroudedinsilver's Fell!SwapDream hi silver around and started wondering what a fell swapdream would be like if it followed the entirely arbitrary rules me and wheeze had made up for fell AUs.

Specifically, the true villain(s) of the original becomes the only genuinely nice one(s). or at least, they try to be nice.

Just to be clear, this isn't supposed to be a 'better' or 'more correct' Fell!SD. I'm playing with the barbies and looking at it at a different angle. i love rahab and venom and it'd be obnoxiously pretentious to think i, who only knows Swapdream lore from second-hand sources, could do a "better" Fell!SD that Silver, who actually interacted with the source material. Also have you met rahab and venom

But. I have some half-baked story and some slightly more baked idiots

I don't have a proper name for the AU yet. and I can't call it Fell!Swapdream because that's obviously already taken. i guess i could call it Swapfell dreamtale. but that sounds weird to me. and lets be real, Dreamswap and Swapdream get confused enough; we don't need to also have a Fellswapdream and Swapfelldream

But anyway. here's my new morons. Frenzy (left) and Enmity (right)

An incredibly long time ago, there was a magic tree. You all know how this part of the tale goes.

Frenzy eventually ate the apples. Working on the exact 'why' still

Here, the Magic apples are like normal food, in that they give you lots of energy. But they give it instantly, and they have way more energy than a normal apple. The enormous burst of energy pushes him into a very destructive mania, and it lasts for months. The influx of so much potent magic isn’t helping, either.

He eventually gets it out of his system, and comes to his senses. He’s horrified by what he's done.

Enmity doesn’t really care about the balance, after everything he’s been put through just for his job. But he likes being alive, so he tries to maintain it so the multiverse doesn’t get wrecked and take him with it.

So he'd been following Frenzy around, trying to deal with him with very little idea of how. He mostly got his ass whooped; more out of carelessness than malice on Frenzy's part. That said, it was intentional, once because Enmity wouldn't get out of the way. He's got a lovely scar to show for it now.

He’d been afraid he may have to kill Frenzy to do it. Frenzy, his own brother, who’d been the only person who loved him for their whole lives until the incident.

He was still trying to come to terms with this fact when he found Frenzy, alone, crying incoherently. When Frenzy notices that he's there, he turns around and for the first time in ages, Enmity senses guilt from him. But he looks so relieved to see Enmity. He tells Enmity he has no idea what had gotten into him, why he'd done any of that, and- oh, god. that scar. He did that, didn't he? how could he...?

To say that Enmity is relieved is an understatement. He tosses out any ideas of killing his brother and just does his best to comfort him and tell him it'll be okay. Which isn't very easy when just standing too close makes Enmity's body and soul start burning.

They talk for a bit. Enmity changes the subject from what Frenzy did to some interesting things that he saw during his travels, to distract him and cheer him up. Once Frenzy's calmed down, though, he tells Enmity that he needs to fix this mess he's made. But...how? He's hurt so many people, but the balance is tipped too far to his side--the positive side--and trying to fix the other mess is just going to make people happy...

Enmity has a wonderful idea. And by wonderful i mean he's gonna have lots and lots of fun with it.

They are now traveling their MV, terrorizing the populace. There's much less death and destruction that during Frenzy's initial manic episode, but everyone's misery is slowly, slowly balancing the scales. very slowly. It'll be a long time before it's fully fixed, unless they can create (or maybe even invite) a huge source of negative magic. And Frenzy...as effective as Enmity's plan is, he doesn't want to hurt people more.

but he wants to start a fight with enmity even less.

his brother is all he has. He's already hurt him once. He can't do it again. He can't lose him.

anyway they're having a great time and definitely aren't toxic and codependent. at least they're still close...?

Dream: Frenzy

His real name in-universe is still 'Dream'. 'Frenzy' is the nickname he gets if he has to interact with any other variant of himself.

He still gets that some sort of mania if he’s somewhere very positive, and especially if he has lots of energy, but it’s nowhere near as strong as the first time. He still has some of his wits about him.

He nearly killed his brother in his first manic episode, and will occasionally still seriously hurt—usually out of carelessness, rather than doing it intentionally—during the lesser, infrequent ones he gets now. But he can’t stand the idea of Enmity abandoning him, and when the mania fades he bends over backwards to try to make it up to Enmity.

He will say and promise anything to Enmity to keep him from leaving. He can’t imagine Enmity seriously has forgiven him for what he’s done to him. Unfortunately this also means that, on the exceedingly rare occasions that Enmity seems to be making a friend, he’ll do everything in his power to quietly get rid of them. What if they convince Enmity that he needs to get away from Frenzy…?

He and Enmity can’t touch without it severely hurting Enmity. His aura is honestly too much but he can tone it down some so it’s bearable. He misses being able to hug his brother

Easily spooked, even though he can sense people's emotions and therefore should notice someone approaching before he can even see them. Hard to get him to fight, though; unless it's his brother asking

His left (viewer's right) eye is mostly blind, but he gets along ok for the most part. His depth perception's a little off, though, and...well. windows are a bit of a problem.

His memory is kinda fucked, too. At first he and Enmity thought it was just that he couldn't remember everything that happened when he was in a manic state, but no. his memory is just horrible now

Design notes:

his hair is a little singed. just a tad. it used to be longer, many years ago...

Many scars also; burns and punctures and cuts.

hehe fancy coat

the wings are hawk wings!

His crown should still act like a halo, but heroforge only gives me one kind of halo

Ideally, his wings would be so bright as to be blinding in the second picture. but they're as bright as they can be, and i'd adjusted the first too many times already

His chain weapons can be blunt or bladed. Both have their own strengths. He has to really concentrate to switch without de-summoning them first, so he rarely switches when in a fight. He can't use both at once. They're both present here for illustrative purposes.

His left (viewer's right) eye changes when he's using his magic, or when he's in a manic state. usually both happen at once but not always.

Nightmare: Enmity

His real name in-universe is still 'Nightmare'. 'Enmity' is the nickname he gets if he has to interact with any other variant of himself.

Much as he likes being alive, he hates people. And his idea of fixing the balance is terrorizing the populace. He loves it, and has no idea why Frenzy hesitates.

He always forgives Frenzy for hurting him. Always. It doesn’t matter the circumstances. He wants his brother to be happy enough to stay with him. He's just as terrified of losing his brother as Frenzy is, so he wants to make sure Frenzy knows that Enmity still loves him.

While Frenzy clearly hates it, Enmity has discovered that triggering minor manic episodes is an excellent way to “adjust” the balance. A positive place is no longer positive! Everyone’s upset! Mission accomplished. He makes sure to always tell Frenzy that he’s proud of him afterwards, too.

He hates that he has to leave Frenzy semi-often for his own safety, so Frenzy’s aura doesn’t kill him. He also misses hugs but he doesn’t know just how desperate Frenzy is for physical affection

Hard to unsettle, easy to goad into fighting you.

His vision in his right (viewer's left) eye isn’t completely gone, but it’s not…normal. He’s still not sure what he’s seeing through it, but at least it’s not giving him a headache. As much.

(What he sees are people’s auras; a mix of soul traits and emotions. While monsters don’t have strong or notable traits that differ from each other under normal circumstances, they can still be particularly determined, brave, kind, etc. it’s not terribly useful to him right now, but it’s a result of Frenzy’s magic getting stuck in his eye)

Design notes:

I wanted to imitate one of the reaper poses in FFXIV (the second one shown here, with the spinning scythe) but it's kinda hard to pull off the spinning without actual motion, and I'm not good at implying motion most of the time without like. motion lines

white hair

One big scar on his face, and it’s from Frenzy. This is why his vision's fucky

He still has a scythe, and that seems to scare people the most so he uses it the most. He still has a sword, but it's been so long since he's used it that he usually forgets about it nowadays

Needs to have freedom of movement, so he wears lightweight clothes.

Much like with Frenzy and the original SwaN and SwaD, his eyes change when he's using his magic. His right (viewer's left) is uh...still fucked up. pretty though

that's a ponytail. his hair's not just slicked back

Other notes:

i want them to be able to shift into animals but i want to be silly and do something other than a bird and a snake. that said i have no idea what I'd do

i forgor SwaN's fighting a bunch of corrupted magic in his system. i feel like sticking close to Frenzy is helping Enmity somewhat, but it's probably. not the best option.

enmity's fucked up eye hurts all the time. some days it hurts worse than others, and just how much it hurts is directly caused by how long he's been hanging out around his brother. At best, it causes a dull migraine. At worst, it burns like hell and he can't focus on anything else. The only thing he can do is sit/lay down and rest, away from Frenzy and his aura.

honestly enmity should be having a lot more problems from hanging around frenzy so much but it'll be figured out eventually

probably

If for some reason they end up somewhere and Frenzy is entirely without his magic. one of them is getting carried around. because frenzy's not letting go of enmity. enmity's totally fine with this

neither of them like the other making new friends. they're afraid that said new friends are going to convince the other they're better off without each other; Frenzy's afraid Enmity will be convinced that he should never have trusted Frenzy again after hurting him, and Enmity's afraid Frenzy will be convinced that he shouldn't stick with Enmity if he's pushing Frenzy to do something he doesn't like to do.

they do not realize the other is just as bad as they are about it

they're very protective of each other. but frenzy panics a lot more and if something happens to enmity there's going to be a lot of corpses and ash

[blackjackkent]

OK, left off last time having completed the Cauldron and Bloodbath so time to check in around the Lighthouse and then see what the main quest has next in store for us.

First stop is a quest pickup from Harding!

Harding> "Meet me in Rivain? I've got sparring practice with the Lords and I could use the sea air. So could you." Helena> "You know, that sounds quite nice." Harding> "All right then! I'll see you soon!"

Well, that was simple. XD I'm starting to get the impression that Helena will take literally any excuse not to hang her happy ass around the Lighthouse more than necessary.

-----

Next off to check in with Davrin and then Lucanis in the wake of their missions:

Davrin is in the middle of doing some woodchopping, because the writers know their audience:

Very amused at Helena just lounging back and watching this. She may not be crushing on Davrin like she is on Bellara but she's only human (well, dwarven) and it's a good show. XD

"Davrin," she says with a casual grin. "Doing some renovations?"

"Building a trophy cabinet," he says gruffly, "for the figures I'm carving." With a grunt, he hoists one of the split logs up onto the pile nearby.

She laughs. "You know that won't save them from Assan."

Davrin rolls his eyes good-humoredly. "Had to rescue the latest piece of wood I was working on from his beak. I'm carving a Taash figure. They'll fight the other monsters and then, 'Oops! Guess that hurlock was too much to handle there, Taash! Time to call a Grey Warden!'"

Helena snickers. "Really?"

"No." Davrin snorts softly. "There's no wood in the world strong enough to carve their temper."

(A/N: This three-line interchange baffles me. I *think* he's describing a funny scenario with his carved soldiers where Assan is the 'hurlock' beating up the 'Taash' figurine, but I'm honestly not super sure, and it seems oddly fanciful for Davrin if so, and at first I didn't get it at all and thought he was randomly being a dick about Taash for no reason and entirely unprompted.)

"Maybe you could carve the rest of us," Helena suggests, cocking her head at him.

Davrin hesitates, then shrugs. "Maybe. It might be good to carve the people still around, once this is all over."

That doesn't sound particularly optimistic. Helena tries another slight grin. "So.... when you're making these carvings, if your leader just happened to look a little taller--"

"I don't make them to scale, Rook," Davrin says, squinting at her.

(A/N: Lolololol. I am fairly sure this is not a species-specific line so it is VERY funny coming from dwarf Rook. XD

Also poor Davrin is so unamused by Helena at literally all times. He did approve after this convo anyway though. :P)

Helena sighs wryly. One of these days, she'll get this man to laugh, maybe - but not today, it seems. "All right, all right," she says, shaking her head in amusement. "I'll see you around."

-----

Lucanis... is having a bad day. Again.

We walk in on Taash staring him down in the pantry.

"Demon's back," they tell Helena tersely as she walks in.

Helena sighs. "Don't think he ever leaves, actually," she says wearily.

"Then he's acting weird," Taash growls.

And indeed, Lucanis is sitting up ramrod-straight on his cot, his eyes glowing with Spite's magenta light. "Smells like... melon... and woodsmoke..." he - it - hisses.

Taash stiffens as he starts to rise. "Hey! No! No--" they snap threateningly. "Sit your ass back down."

It doesn't work though; Lucanis is up on his feet, and Helena has a brief and unpleasant vision of things exploding into violence. "I'll handle this," she tells Taash hastily. "Maybe make sure the eluvian room is blocked?"

Taash frowns, clearly unconvinced, but nods and backs out of the room, their eyes never leaving Lucanis - or Spite.

Spite waits until the door closes behind Taash, then smiles slowly with Lucanis's mouth. "Now," it hisses, "we get to talk."

Goodie. "When demons say they want to talk," Helena says carefully, "that usually means they want to bargain."

"Lucanis. Made a deal. He hasn't kept," the demon rasps.

"What deal?"

"Break our chains. Kill. Escape our prison. And live!"

Helena frowns. "Isn't that what happened?"

"NO!" Spite snarls. "I WANT OUT!"

Interesting. Demons are usually portrayed as desiring to possess people, to take control and use them. But Spite isn't in Lucanis by choice - and if it's telling the truth, it's starting to resent its trapped position and wants to be on the move.

Helena can't say she blames it, honestly. But the practicalities are against it.

"Out to where?" she asks neutrally. "Tevinter? Orlais? Nowhere's safe for a possessed man."

"No. NO!" Spite roars. "He promised! Tell him! Make him--"

Lucanis's body spasms and he staggers nearly off his feet. Then he steadies, his eyes clearing, the unworldly tint fading from them.

"Rook?" he whispers.

(A/N: I do dig the wing motif on the wall even if it's kind of on the nose. XD Did I miss learning how that was supposed to have gotten up there? My heart wants to believe they gave Spite a fingerpainting set to keep it busy.)

"You were sleepwalking," Helena says, relaxing a little to see him looking back out of his own eyes again.

He flinches, his shoulders slumping. "Spite was sleepwalking," he mutters.

Helena watches him thoughtfully. She remembers, abruptly, Harding's description of her new experience with dreams - her mind trying to tell her a story and doing it badly. Does Lucanis's mind tell him stories that wake Spite, she wonders...

"He didn't go anywhere," she says quietly. "Nothing happened."

"I didn't want you to see that," Lucanis says tightly. "Again."

It's true that this really is getting unsustainable; Lucanis can't go without sleep forever, but when he does sleep, everyone else is on edge wondering whether Spite will try to make a run for it - or worse.

But since Helena doesn't have any other answer right now, there doesn't seem much point in chewing him out about it.

"You didn't manage to leave the room!" she points out brightly instead. "And Taash didn't hit you with an axe. That's all that matters."

Lucanis is not much more interested in her attempts at humor than Davrin was. He just sighs and shakes his head, looking away from her. "I'm supposed to be a professional."

Helena lets her smile fade, tilting her head back to watch his expression. "Professional doesn't mean you have to go it alone," she says quietly.

(A/N: I mean, when you're a Crow, I feel like it kind of does, but I get what you're going for, Helena. XD)

Lucanis hesitates, his eyes flicking up to meet hers just for a moment. Then he nods with a noncommittal shrug. "Something to think about, I guess."

[spectrechosts]

Heaven Sent - Chapter 6

Full Series

Grezayla jots down a status update on the angel job in her notebook; notably that while Feathers shows some amount of interest in yoga conceptually as both a meditative exercise and something that it can display skill in, when placed in a group setting it gets upset because the succubi keep feeling eachother up in front of it.

"Dolls, can your pal Vicky speak candidly for a sec?" Vixitana asks, lounging across the meeting room couch. She continues without waiting for an answer. "This job fucking sucks."

"It doesn't suck!" Azaerixia pouts. "We're like, getting close to maybe being Feathers' friends!"

"Yeah!" Grezayla agrees, joining her in pouting. "Besides, isn't this like, your regular job anyway?"

"This is like my regular job if nothin' happened for weeks and weeks and my client was a huge pain in the behind." Vixitana says. "Do you know what I usually do to clients who aren't upfront with what they want?"

"…Whatever they summon you for?"

"No." She says. "See, I get two types of clients: The first kind knows they wanna be a girl, they summon me to make 'em one, we have some fun with their new parts and go our separate ways; them with a new lease on life and me with a contracted soul to collect on later."

"Alright..?"

"Now the second kind is the referrals. Someone else answers a summon, feels out the client's desires, and finds out they wanna be a girl- but that's not what they're summonin' a succubus for. Whoever they summoned puts a note on their file, and the next time they try to summon 'em they get my cute ass instead. You with me so far sugar?"

Grezayla sticks her tongue out at Vixitana.

"Now this is where the key difference comes in. These people, these girls, these sweet sweet angels- and I mean sweet like a metaphorical angel, not our stuck-up shit-for-brains angel- they summon me and they're so sad, sugar. They're so sad and they don't even know it, they've been sad so long."

"I get that, that's why we need to help Feathers-"

"Shhhh shh shh shh." Vixitana shushes, sticking her hand out. "And you know how I help 'em? These poor unfortunate souls, they summon me and they say 'Oh Vicky, can you give me a handjob with maybe some backdoor tongue action (but only if that's not a weird thing to ask for)?', and I convince 'em to let me out of the circle and then I say 'No. We're puttin' you in a slutty little outfit and I'm doin' your makeup', and they say 'But-', but I don't listen because I'm already pinnin' 'em down and conjurin' the outfit onto 'em. And I get out the makeup kit and I grab 'em by the chin if they're too squirmy and call 'em good girls when they stay still, and I make them look fucking gorgeous."

"Okay, well, Mistress already told us why fleshcraft won't work in this situation, so-"

"No, hang on, I- I want to hear where she's going with this." Says Helneth, almost as interested in the tale as Vixitana is in telling it.

"So then I get the full-body mirror out," Vixitana continues, completely ignoring their interruptions, "let 'em admire my handiwork. Let 'em see what's possible before we even start doing magic. And they cry, most times. They cry and I hold 'em while they let all those pent-up feelings out, tell 'em it's okay. It's a whole process, y'know? Can't just put 'em in a dress and fuck 'em stupid and then just… leave 'em to navigate things on their own. I talk to 'em for hours, sometimes."

Grezayla feels a twinge at that, snuggles up to Azaerixia. She can't say she fully knows what that's like, but… having a succubus to help her understand her feelings was certainly life-changing for her. She wants to be that for Feathers, she just isn't really sure how.

"Then I jackhammer their fuckin' prostate with my tongue while milking every single drop of cum they can make outta them. Like they asked."

Okay, she doesn't particularly plan on doing that for Feathers. Maybe once it starts being nicer to everyone.

"And like I do a good job, y'know, do my due diligence as a succubus and all; but I level with 'em, I say 'Listen, I can give you waaaay better than that, doll'. That's when I hit 'em with the big guns. Fleshcraft 'em the most perfect body a mortal girl can get and show off eeeeverything that body can feel, how much better it is for 'em. And once I'm done and they can think straight again they're obviously wonderin', 'Oh fuck, this is so much more than I asked for, what am I on the hook for now?', and I tells 'em, 'That was aalllllll free, doll', and they're like 'What? There's gotta be a catch!', and I say 'Nope! Tonight was on the house, just 'cause you deserve it. Buuuut, if you want it to be more than just tonight, if you want to keep this body forever, aaaalllllllll you gotta do is sign this contract. You get to be happy with your new body for, let's say forty years, and then when that's up I come collect your pretty lil' soul and take you down to hell, and you get to be my pet'." Vixitana leans back against the couch armrest, smug. "They always sign."

"Wow." Helneth says breathlessly, flustered within an inch of her unlife and visibly tenting her skirt.

"That's so niiiice!" Coos Azaerixia. "Good for them!"

"Uh-huh." Says Vixitana, basking in the praise.

"And Mistress lets you do all that?" Asks Grezayla.

"Uh-huh! Since I don't ask for payment for what I do to 'em without asking and I did some extensive focus-testing, got the data that says girls would have really appreciated having this happen to 'em, it's all above board. You should get in on it sugar! I may not look like much right now since it's still a pretty new division, but once the time's up on all those contracts? Ooooh, lil' Vicky is gonna be drownin' in souls."

"Wow." She says. "And you think we can workshop this into something for Feathers? Since it doesn't require any fleshcraft at the start?"

"Huh?" Vixitana says blankly. "Oh, sure, maybe? I mostly just wanted to talk about how fun the job usually is."

"Ah."

"It-" Helneth squeaks. "It does sound really fun. Both for you, and for, um, whoever, is um, lucky enough to-"

"Wanna roleplay with me, doll? Get some hands-on experience with what it's like?" Vixitana asks, making a jacking-off motion to emphasize what she means by hands-on.

Helneth nods meekly, and Azaerixia claps her hands together in excitement.

"Ohmygosh can I help? It sounds so so so fun!"

Grezayla manages to scribble down a quick note about giving Feathers a bit of a push into a makeover before she's dragged, giggling, into helping to undress Helneth.

~~~

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[zalrb]

PLL 1x01 Review (Per Anon Request)

"I'm loving her new video." "Maybe a little too much, huh?" Allison, I already want to kill you.

"I've looked everywhere for her. I think I heard her scream" she says calmly.

I love that the newspaper headline is "Still Missing" and not something like "The Search Continues" "Still Looking for Answers"

PIPER.

They do look like they'd be mother and daughter.

Which network is this show?

"They're calling it the anniversary of Allison's disappearance like it's a party or something" I mean, does it sound like that?

Arya looks like her name should be Effy.

They're speaking like it's been a few months and not a year.

Why do they ALWAYS play lacrosse?

"Dad, I'm still keeping your secret, OK?" she says at normal volume in the middle of the house.

"Would now be 16" L O L. These "missing" signs are KILLING me.

"And I write too" of course she fucking writes.

"You're smart" how do you know? You said 3 things to this underage girl.

This bathroom makeout is impersonal and choreographed and it annoys me because if you two are so hot for each other that you have to make out in a public restroom, then it's this hot and heavy, grope-y type thing, it's not this teehee sit on the sink while we smile at each other. Public restrooms are disgusting.

It's also weird that they chose to cut to the theme song after this flat bathroom makeout and not after Allison goes missing??

Wait, who is this blonde girl? I thought this was a flashback. Guys, straight up, I'm not going to be able to tell these two apart that well

"Remember what she said that night about secrets?" YOU ARE ACTING LIKE IT'S BEEN A FEW MONTHS.

Spencer's blazer is pissing me off.

Maybe your dad cheated on your mom as karma for you being a bitch to Mona.

Her dad couldn't even be an adult about his affair? Get a room.

None of these people are talking like they're actual people.

"They're not so close anymore either." "So they're friendly but not friends" oh my lord, I miss season 1 Caroline.

"Holy crap" *as he looks directly at Aria in front of the ENTIRE class* NO ONE IS REACTING LIKE PEOPLE WOULD.

BIANCA.

Girl, you're just standing there holding this basket.

LMAO. "Would you kill me if I smoke a little weed? Would you like to join me?" Did any of these writers smoke weed?

Aww, Torey.

She is a teenager, Ren.

YOU ARE IN THE SCHOOL. All of these characters are idiots.

"You feel like this is right for us too" you two said TWO THINGS to each other and made out in a washroom???

Oh are you going to massage her shoulder.

Yes.

Piper, go find Leo. Sure, he'll leave you to be a a head angel but he would never cheat.

I never understood the Queen Bee Mean Girl in a group mostly because in my experience, the GROUP of girls are mean and there may be a leader but it's not one girl terrorizing her entire group of friends and everyone just taking it because

it's usually the group terrorizing that one friend in the group, idk.

And since Allison is so herself, why would any of you tell her any of your secrets anyway?

So weird, they're acting like it's been a few months since the disappearance not a year and yet they act like they don't know each other at all.

Wouldn't it be enough to send a uniform for shoplifting?

"In Rosewood, you don't have room to make a mistake" bro, I need to SEE this. Why is FNL and, like, True Blood the only shows I can remember who actually do what a small town feels like well?

When do they do that dramatic walk in the hallway and act like it's a runway?

Hanna eating ice cream and watching the news of her friend's death is actually hilariously morbid.

And you're just going to watch your mother makeout with the cop?

And your mother is just going to look at you as she goes upstairs to have sex with him? Would you not send your daughter away?

The school isn't having an assembly about this death or anything?

"For Alison or for being a jerk?" I mean, he is a grown ass man, Aria.

This dramatic turn and kiss doesn't make sense right now. None of this is earned.

Does the mother care that her child is "dead"? "Aria, thanks for coming!" It's a funeral not a housewarming.

Maya is the only one who is trying to look sad.

L M A O, Aria's mom couldn't even go with her daughter to the funeral?? Jesus christ, teen shows, give them parents or don't.

These forever 21 funeral dresses are SENDING me.

Detective, they are MINORS, you will have to speak to their parents.

The "Na na na na na na na" singing in the background is so unserious.

"and I know everything, A" in UNISON??? L O L this is so bad.