#i mean even if they dont there is still a chance the characters would verbally confirm it

[ev3rythingsuckz]

Me because there's a high chance we could witness Agathario kiss TOMORROW

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello silly! It's me, 🍭, can I please ask for cuddling hcs of some of the knd villains? You can choose who's included! Take care :>

Cuddling with various KND villains

Need to add more music to my playlist

Characters: Father, Soankulot, Knightbrace, Cuppa Joe, Toiletnator, Stickybeard

Notes: Reader is GN, established relationship

CWs: none

Father

It comes as a surprise to no one that he would be very warm, hes the fire guy- of course he would be warm! Actually pretty soothing when you get the chance to huddle into him!

Unfortunately he's a busy man, so hes not always available to hold- running a business can take up a lot of your time, even more so when you spend a lot of it trying to thwart the KND

Not used to affection let alone physical affection (loser/j(, so its obvious he doesnt know where to put his hands and legs when you guys cuddle for the first time

Prefers being big spoon

Keeps readjusting until he finds a comfortable position, not that theres anything wrong with that of course

Very possessive about the time he does have with you, will NOT take any distractions or change in plan, if anyone wants to come fight him then they can wait- he wont waste any time kicking them out

Spankulot

Absolute cuddle bug, almost puts joe to shame- the only reason is that sometimes spankulot gets a little too giddy and has to separate himself for a few minutes to shake his feelings out

He is just... a goofball

VERY tall and very skinny, cold as hell due to this as well as the whole... vampire thing.. but he does offer to bundle up for you if it's an issue!

Doesnt mind being big spoon and he doesnt mind being little spoon, hes fine with whatever you want him to be!

Loves hooking your arms together when you guys go out and walk together, pulls you to him when you two go still

Can sit in silence but WILL rattle about anything if you want some noise

Knightbrace

The headgear is taken off in bed, as per your request as it seems he can go either way without it-

Little spoon but hes not opposed to the two of you huddling up together into each others sides!

Old man, soft.. not skinny not fat, just average! Normal body temperature though it's slightly on the cooler side

Needs to warm up to cuddling first but once hes comfortable with it hes more than willing to cuddle up into your side if you offer!

Key word, offer! He doesn't exactly know when it's a good time to ask, so he tends to wait for you to initiate

Similar to toiletnator you're probably his first serious partner, at least in a while- likely that knightbrace has dedicated himself fully to his work thus leaving him with no time or desire to date before meeting you

Cuppa Joe

Warm, very warm. And very skinny, at least in the chest and limbs.. he has some softness in the middle

Oh? You thought you two would cuddle like normal people? Nah hes going to be sprawled all over you and clinging onto you- ESPECIALLY if you dont come with him out on the coffee rig! He MISSED you, reader!

Tries his best to make up for lost time, absolutely showers you in touch and verbal affection

Will not let you go unless you need to go do something

Naturally this means hes the big spoon/the cuddler, and you're the little spoon/the cuddled

VERY big on physical affection in general, always touching you in some way whether it be in the house or outside- handholding, leaning on you, and so on

Stickybeard

...sticky.. please ask him to take a shower.. actually wait, that.. sounds like a good idea- asides from just dealing with the stickiness- hes warm and smells nice! And I dont know about you guys, but I tend to get sleepy after a nice hot shower so cuddling makes sense!

Warm and soft, we love thick kings in this house! Very hairy, asides from just the beard so he might be a little itchy

Loves being big spoon, hardly ever is little spoon- would only do it for you if you asked nicely

The two of you just kind of end up talking, nothing in particular.. just talking.. if you're not a candy pirate and dont live on his ship with him the two of you don't get to see each other every single day- theres some catching up to do!

Toiletnator

Very clingy, looooves being little spoon but if you want to be little spoon that's okay!

Very emotionally soft, loves snuggling up into you and talking about his day- he makes sure to ask about yours

Very... shy.. bashful? Flustered when asking you to give him some affection- you're probably his first serious partner and he doesnt want to mess this up.. little dork... on the other hand when he does attempt to be forward he can be.. TOO forward, like laying across your lap while you're doing work or something along those lines- just very blunt and confident

[its-no-biggie]

yes yes yes and this is why season 15 is so grimmons. because grif leaving is the first real conflict between them- its the first time they NEED to talk about their feelings, so you really get to see how bad they are at it. because their love for each other (and i mean love in a general sense, not necessarily romantic. romance or not, they do canonically love each other) still seeps out in all of their actions, so even if they cant verbalize it, theres no denying that its there. "how are my friends? is simmons okay? did you talk to him?" "haha, hey grif- .....oh. right." like theyre constantly thinking about each other and they miss each other SO BADLY. but then what do they say when they finally meet again? theres grifs apology, of course, but then when they actually get the chance to talk one on one, its like, super awkward. theyre just like "its good to see you" or some shit and thats IT. because theyre both feeling So Much and have no idea how to talk about it!!

and what i find even MORE interesting is the fact that that talk was set up as the emotional resolution, where they finally talk about their feelings, but that doesnt happen. the ACTUAL emotional resolution was the simmons vs gene fight. cause like, lets walk through this, shall we?

after their "talk", things are still a little uncertain between them- neither of them knows where they stand with the other.

grif walks in on the fight between simmons and gene.

grif could have asked any kind of "only you would know" question. gene knows almost nothing about grif! "what planet were we on when sarge took half the base for himself and we had to share a room" or something along those lines. hell, he couldve even thrown the responsibility back on simmons (which is a VERY grif move): "tell me something only simmons would know" or something.

but he didnt do that. he chose their decades old inside joke- one that the 2 of them have mentioned several times throughout the show.

that inside joke represents their years of shared history. whether grif intentionally chose it because it had significance, or it was just the first thing he came up with, doesnt change the significance of this question. it either means he was intentionally reminding simmons of their history together, or that he was ALREADY THINKING of their history together. and i sincerely doubt it was the former, given how terrible they are at communication. an intentional secret code? not their style. an unintentional baring of their true feelings? absolutely in character and an excellent follow-up to the "talk" where they didnt talk.

but either way, this is grif reaching out to simmons. this is him not-saying "i miss what we had. i dont want to lose this."

AND he asks it in a way that, if simmons doesnt catch it, it means their relationship is behind him. it means that inside joke, all those years together, dont mean as much to him as they do to grif.

but of course he catches it, of course he remembers, because hes ALSO thinking about their history together and wants to go back to the way it was.

and then they send gene over a cliff and their relationship immediately goes back to normal. because theyve both confirmed that the other person still cares!!

also, honorable mention for the line right after, where grif is the only one who can tell simmons and gene apart, AND he hated gene (and obviously likes simmons). something something grif is the only one who knows simmons on a personal enough level to tell the difference. anyway

god. its such a good scene, ive watched it so many times. because even though i hadnt really articulated my thoughts until now, the TENSION in that scene gets me every time. its not just because simmons life is on the line, its an important question for grif! he needs simmons to understand the reference because if he doesnt, what does that say about their relationship? god. i need to lie down

anyway. sorry for getting all analysis on your ship post op. also no promises about the quality of the analysis because i havent watched season 15 in ages and also its 6am (havent gone to sleep yet)

one thing i really like abt grimmons is, in a way, the only thing really in the way of it is their rancid communication skills and pathetic inexperience with romance. like, grif and simmons both know everyone else fucking knows. they also do couple-y things and they KNOW it. the thing is they just DONT fucking talk about it. they are ALLERGIC to feelings and talking it out. its NOT a matter of stupidity and ignorance — they just dont fucking know how to even BEGIN to navigate it, and it fucking kills me dead.

i LOVE that. i love how theres this really unspoken codependency that toes the line and breaks both of their brains.

its not quite pining in the traditional sense of the word. but its not like its unrequited. its like mutual emotional twister. how far can we go without directly tackling the issue? how the fuck do we even adapt traditional romance when we’re fucking 40 or something and all we’ve known is war and death and sarcasm? left hand red, right hand orange. LOL

[our-reality]

50 36 23 requiem!

answering these in number order cuz it was bothering me hshdjeksnd

23. how would they want to die?

depends on if you mean before or after s2. cuz the answer changes. very drastically

pre s2 requiem. i don't think they'd have a specific method in mind but however it happens, they want everybody in the world to see it. they want their death to make national headlines, they want people to dig in deep into their case file, they want their autopsy to be a public spectacle. maybe people would find their dozens of journal entries and use them as a case study for kids and their health, finally making things better for other kids and their physical and mental health issues. maybe people would find the visions they wrote down and they'd prepare in advance for the horrible shit they saw. they'd save the world from disaster. they'd be called a hero by the books written about them. every day, people would lament the fact they didn't live longer to have even more visions, people would lament the fact they ever died at all.

and more than that, they want their parents to see. they want their parents to know that they failed in raising their kid and they'll never have a chance to make up for it. they want their parents to weep for them, they want their death to ruin them. they want their death to make them realize how horrible they were and how all of this was their fault, how they could've saved them if they had only been more active, if they had only payed more attention, if they had only been there to save them. but they weren't, and now they're gone. maybe if requiem was lucky, their parents would actually watch them die right in front of them. they'd scream and shout and beg for them to come back, but it never happens. and maybe then they'd finally change themselves for the better. maybe they'd stop going out every night and settle, maybe they'd save up some money and make a little memorial for requiem. and only then would they forgive them.

post s2 requiem? doesn't want to die. like. none of the main cast do, but they especially don't want to die. they don't put any thought into their death... because it scares them. because they finally understand that death isn't a revenge tool to get back at the people who hurt them. because they understand that all the good societal change they wanted to just happen before won't actually occur unless they take it upon themself to make it happen. because they were given a gift, and instead of rejecting that gift because it seems like they were given this humongous duty unfairly, they see that they have an entire lifetime to learn how to use that gift to actively help those in need, not just passively.

i guess. if there was a way they'd want to die. it would be knowing that they lived every last minute of their life as best they could.

36. would they ever kill someone? have they already?

sorry requiem does not maim and murder :( truly disappointing

they'd definitely talk about wanting to kill kill violence bloodshed a lot but i dont think they'd actually have the guts to kill someone. not even their mom and dad!! they have a lot of issues with them (see: above) but i also think they. have a complicated relationship with them where they don't actually realize just how much they dislike their parents (they think they're not that bad because they never like. physically or verbally abused them. yk). but that's for another post

also note this is funny cuz they're an anarchist before s2 and still hold a bunch of anarchist beliefs after s2 and yet they wouldn't actually commit violence. lol.

50. what is your favorite thing about them?

i am so obsessed with the detail of them not actually having any real piercings solely because they're scared of needles. and yes for the comedic value of this hardcore emo teenager crying screaming sobbing at the thought of needles but also like. as an unironic core component of their character as well.

(i'm obviously not trying to baby adults who're afraid of needles but) it's clear that, underneath the dozens of walls they've built around themself, they're still just a scared little kid. a kid who was forced to grow up way too fast because no one else was gonna care for them, so they had to care for themself. a kid who's haunted by visions they can't understand that they don't even know why they get in the first place. a kid who can't even see how damaged and broken they are because so many people have it worse than them, and they don't want to force this burden onto anyone else because they keep being told that they should be able to be self-sufficient and handle everything on their own. because that's what everything and everyone in their life has told them up until this point.

and it's only when they finally get the chance to be a kid, to embrace all the things they were told were "embarrassing" for a kid their age to do, to learn about the things they never asked about before for fear of seeming weak, to actually be 15 that they can grow and mature past their own walls and be who they want to be, not just what everyone expects them to be.

and idk i think all that stuff is kinda neat actually

[kiveruu]

this is my favorite panel in the entirety of the no.6 manga, my explaination/attempt at a character study under the cut

first: context.

shion trying his damn hardest to negotiate with nezumi. he doesnt care where he has to go because he would go to the ends of the earth and back for nezumi. nezumi says that shion should stay back because he's the kind of person that values security unlike nez. nezumi sees that shion has a large range of emotions in different circumstances but seemingly doesn't realize that both examples he gives (shion being "ruthless" in the correctional facility, and now him crying) are because of HIM. while yes shion does overall show more outward emotions than nez, most of what nez has seen from him is because shion cares about him.

at this point shion realizes that his negotiation attempts arent getting him anywhere and this is absolutely his last ditch effort to stay with nez somehow someway. he tells him very directly that he's begging him not to leave him and that a world without nezumi means nothing to him. hes trying to get nez to understand just how important he is to shion's life, so that maybe, just maybe nez will reconsider leaving. nezumi reacts by teasing shion as he usually does but with the softest expression on his face, seriously there is never another point in the manga that he looks this sincere and theres so much love in his eyes. but he knows he has to leave for shion's sake. because he wants shion to be happy and not have to worry about anything anymore, especially not because of him.

and then!! the iconic Kiss.. and then we get to the panel that inspired this whole post. shion initially is shocked that nez kisses him, but he realizes that theres a good chance this would be the last time he would see him. and hes still upset about nez leaving (you can see the tears in his eyes and the conflict that must be going thru his head) but he knows he's gonna have to come to terms with nez leaving because hes just as stubborn as shion is.

so FINALLY talking about this panel itself, the first thing that always strikes me is shion holding nezumi's arm, its as if thats his final non-verbal communication saying "please, dont go" and even tho he knows that wont happen theres part of him that just really hopes it will. he doesn't want to let go of nez, physically or otherwise. he doesnt want this moment to end but he knows it has to. nezumi holding shion's head/neck(?) is such an obvious indicator of just how much he loves shion. its as if he himself doesnt want to leave shion either, but he's convinced himself that its for the best. but just like shion doesnt want to let go of nezumi, nez doesnt wanna let go of him either. presumably hes holding shion with both of his hands, in which case shion is probably holding nez's other arm too. they both have just barely gotten to experience and really process the feelings and love they have for each other and now that they have, they dont want to stop. you cant even see their eyes in this panel but i can practically hear nezumi saying "im sorry" and shion crying. i like to imagine that after this, nezumi held shion close and let him cry on his shoulder for a minute before either of them actually let go. its a bittersweet goodbye.

and then of course the infamous promise of "reunion will come shion" while nez gives him the sweetest most loving soft smile ever. which gives shion the reassurance he needed to feel okay with nez leaving. he knows how serious nezumi is about promises so he knows he'll keep it. its a promise that they'll meet again. and this is probably the most expressive nezumi is in the entire manga. he wants shion to know that he really means it so he stops putting up his usual tough guy front. he needs shion to know he will come back and he will see him again. in a weird roundabout way thats like nez saying "i love you" to shion.

[greyeyedmonster-18]

just finished the best worst thing and can i just say. you’re an excellent writer?

but, and i really hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, i was really hoping for jily (but especially lily) to not get that happy ending, for sirius to forgive them so easily (even if it was in character) or harry to extend that olive branch. is that mean? like,,it just felt like a series of deliberately cruel decisions on their part without any *real* consequences ykno? and sirius (and remus) just kept getting so hurt god it really hurt lol (especially when he just fkn broke down after lily said harry wasn’t his kid the audacity)

remus going off on them was so cathartic and i never wanted it to end, but i was secretly also hoping for a harry x jily showdown. i remember being super passionate at 16, how protective i was (and still am tbh) of my parents, always rearing to go if i thought someone even eyed them wrong. it would’ve been so cool if harry had gotten even an inkling of how sirius was being treated and decided to take offence to that ykno?

although, on the other hand, i guess it’s also a mark of what a good writer you are and how realistically you wrote the whole thing because it felt more in character for the adults (but especially remus and sirius) to keep harry away from all the ugliness that he shouldn’t be exposed to, how they didn’t want to irreparably ruin his image of his parents (bc that would go against everything sirius believes in)

(still would’ve been super cathartic to have harry use the same kind of verbal cruelty tho ‘you’re not my parents, you just gave birth to me in the middle of a war and then went and got yourself blown up. you should be thanking remus and dad on folded knees for everything they did for me. when they didn’t even have to’)

oof that was a lot of rambling no one asked for lol. sorry 😓🙈

aaaanyway the story was so, so good (and i haven’t actively read wolfstar in ages because i just,,,don’t like remus honestly speaking but you actually made me root for him too and i’m just genuinely in awe at how this entire thing spawned from a random prompt just like that so yeah.) thank u for writing it!

okay, firstly--i am blushing so hard, this is all SO nice? any compliments on my writing just make me so 🥺 and i dont have words except for thank you.

Second, the rest of this is great and i will continue answering below the cut to avoid an extra long post because i can never shut up

1. absolutely not taken the wrong way

2. sirius, my beautiful baby is made of second chances especially for james. james could do something AWFUL and sirius would forgive him.

3. It wasnt expressly written, but between the lines (sirius not going to the potters, remus not going to the platform, lily not coming to #12, harry being more indifferent to lily just based on how remus/sirius interact with her vs. James). But also that harry never found out the details, and even though harry was protective (dropping Dad in front of them, "theyre not my parents", "we do X differently), he definitely took cues from sirius on how to handle the situation.

4. Sirius knew this. Remus knew this. Remus was furious 5ever and nothing was the same, Harry could see that and trustED remus could be mad for all of them. So harry didnt have to worry ❤

5. This fic had to end lol. And there was alot of mini convos i cut out as an author to keep story moving and harry DEF wasnt as kind all the time. He extended the olive branch because he has a heart big enough for the entire world. But like...hes keeping score too. And theres room to grow for both of them.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

lettuce give this another shot :

@lilowpaloso

I think that there are parallels between where shuro fell down and where falin got eaten the first time and that namaris choice in the two situations (going down to get him vs opting out), constitutes a pretty significant character progression for her that communicate some pretty complex themes of the work. At the start, she n shuro quit without a verbal word to the leader of the party, opting to apparently tell everyone else in the party in person but laios, who they leave a note for. This, along w how she mentions that she realized again what it means to fear and how you must survive no matter what, paints her in a bit of a cowardly light, which is how marcille sees her. But in her reintroduction, you see this is not the case — that her leaving the party was bc of longstanding problems that she was not earning enough money to pay off her debts (for four years no less!) and in the bible it says she was struggling on whether to leave or not bc she liked the camaraderie (and getting kicked out of her clan and being seen w distrust plays a huge factor into this) but she knew she was never gonna get close to meeting her goals like this.

So on the second go around, when shuro gets pushed down the well, when she does volunteer to go down and get him w a group of strangers rather than the group she worked w before , without pay, I think its saying something important: that moral characteristics like bravery and selflessness are not something innate to people, but something that is either encouraged or discouraged by the company you keep and the circumstances you are in (Ie often u give what u can afford to give). But notably, I feel going down to get toshiro is not the best tactical choice in this situation. Mr. Tansu is a man that holds substantial power on the island. Toshiro is some guy who is really conflict averse. They are getting breaking news from the canary forces on the first floor without their leader physically present, which makes the canaries more disorganized. She would not be getting news at all about the situation if she goes down on the dungeon. The expedition would take at least a few weeks, so by choosing to go, she is giving up her ability to shape the situation, bc itll probably go the direction its gonna go by the time she gets back up. Now, namari has a good understanding of ppls strengths and weaknesses, so perhaps she recognized tansu could handle himself. Still, the elves are threatening the one source of livelihood for her permanently — she didnt even have enough money to get off the island, so I think she stands to lose more this time by going down to get shuro than she did the first time w falin (tho the party was exhausted so their chances suck, but shuros party probably was also tired at that point but not as tired. But i think shes walking into the jaws of death this time too bc I think thats the risk u take every time u go down there, and also bc of the hullabaloo, less ppl are going to those lower levels). I think the situations are comparable not bc its a 1:1 , but bc the difference in circumstances show how far shes come, but also that shes come as far as she has bc she let others help her and change her.

Now I know I said namaris probably closer to chilchuck and toshiro vs laios, but i think my language is imprecise— more accurately I think her relationship with them is easier to navigate bc theyre not her boss. I think she gets along quite well w laios, but that the fact his decisions impact her livelihood and he doesnt choose to prioritize her need for money when adventuring is pretty much the only job she could get, complicated her relationship with him. Like its hard to both like someone as a person and also resent them bc they dont ever prioritize ur needs at ur job. Notably, namari and chilchuck often butt heads in the dungeon on how to proceed, but she doesnt hold resentment towards him bc hes not the one who makes the decisions. In some ways, her friendship with laios was an extraordinarily difficult situation, but that doesnt mean it wasnt important for her growth, and the story shows this by him facilitating the event that allows her to communicate with tansu that she does care about him beyond the money and reiterating how laios trusts her. In life, I think we need a mix of people we have an easy rapport with and people we have more complicated, challenging relationships with that help us grow. I think this is why shes more willing to throw her lot in with laios and help him out at great risk to herself as the story progresses- cuz she quit so now she can be his friend in earnest and as equals.

I think its actually not possible to quantify which ppl are closer to other ppl other than in extremely broad strokes, but sometimes ill still do it as a shorthand bc I dont want to sit here typing forever and I struggle to convey complex ideas. This has gotten quite long. But to summarize, I dont actually think that namari liking shuro more than falin was a big factor in her decision here. But is was a moment that made me re-evaluate how close she was to shuro and how close she was w falin and I do think she is closer w toshiro than falin. Which has narrative implications I think in the way falin is presented as a good, pure figure that everyone loves — we think this bc laios and marcille are the main characters, but throughout the story, i think we get a better picture that falin played an important part of some ppls lives and less so in others bc falin is a human being. And it was a bit of an inside joke w myself bc I think I’m funny.

still impressed namari decided to go down to the 5th floor (honestly they probs got no clue where he fell) w ppl she did not know to rescue toshiro for no pay when at the start she left the party bc she wasnt about to risk her life (even with money, i think) bc she was like u gotta survive no matter what. U must always remember ur fear. I think its bc she has a better support system (financially and like socially) but im also like damn. She liked toshiro more than she liked falin. Thats actually a little surprising.

[tsunderedoctor]

im sorry for the late night request purple. i dearly love you,

but i have a very verbally abusive brother (and sometimes physically) and im wondering how my husbands luffy, sanji, corazon, and denjiro

( and if youre comfy ) my wives nami and vivi would react to that-

so many character you dont have to do them all if you dont want to,,,,,,

you can chose owo 💖

Thank you for being so patient with me while I catch up on asks!! I hope you enjoy boo!! Just in case, the characters we agreed on were: Sanji, Cora, Vivi, and Robin!

Going to put on TW for mentions of verbal abuse, just in case!

Babes Below~!

Vinsmoke Sanji

He’s one to understand abuse the best, especially coming from siblings. He might want to “talk” to your brother and throw some feet, but will respect your wishes if you don’t want him to. He does his best to let you know, that no matter what people say, even your family, he still loves you and thinks you’re amazing! 

If you are having some bad days say after a fight, he will make your favorite meal and cuddle with you on the couch or in bed! Letting you know that people have opinions and sometimes we don’t always share the same side and that’s okay, but it’s not okay to lash out at someone like that. He will reassure you that you are deserving of love and he will love you always!

Donquixote “Cora-san” Rosinante

Cora also understands sibling abuse! Though he and his brother haven’t seen each other in such a long time, there is still some bad blood there that makes it hard for him to move forward in life. So, he gets the harbored feelings both towards your brother and at yourself. Though at times he can be a bit violent, he tries to think his actions through and wants you to have a good relationship with your family some day, so he doesn’t want to do anything to ruin that chance. 

Similar to Sanji, he will let you know what you mean to him and wants to be a shoulder for you to cry on. Let him know how to help you and the man will be your best supporter!

Nico Robin

Robin knows that people don’t always get along, so it doesn’t surprise her when you tell her you got into a fight or witnessing it first hand. She’s the type who will mediate if needed, but also knows this isn’t her place and will support you after the argument. If the fight does get out of hand, the she has no problem ending it quickly. 

During the more difficult times, she will be a good source of reassurance and logic in the situation. It’s easy to let out emotions control how we feel, so she will be your reminder to help you understand both sides of the argument. Again if needed, she doesn’t mind helping you make up either! Since she doesn’t have any family anymore, she wants you to value the family you do have!

Nefertari Vivi

Vivi also knows families fight and don’t see things eye to eye at times. Though she never experienced any negative backlash from her arguments, she does understand that some families aren’t so lucky. She will support you though! Always letting you know that despite what your family might say in the moment, they still love you and wants what is best for you in their own ways. 

Another validator in the group (I swear they all are words of affirmation lovers-), she will do her best to remind you everyday how much she loves you and how much you mean to her! Between random “I love you”s or simple peck on the lips, you own her heart and she wants you to know it!

Tag List: @chloe-nanami @musical-apple @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb @athenaportgas @simping-master-69 @portgaslari @sanjissunflower @xxtoothachexx @lukasismissing @chocolate-n-cheese @cipher-p0 and anyone else who wants to join in@

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):

 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

A study in Sherlock Holmes (s1e3)

So lets start this off on his inhumane tendencies. (FYI I do not believe he is a “high functioning sociopath”, pointing out his inhuman and sociopathic actions at the start of the series is just necessary to point out his development later on). BORED. This is truly when we first see how Sherlock acts in the absence of cases and distractions. He decides to shoot at a wall. The second odd thing we see is the head in the fridge. Its not exactly normal to keep heads in your fridge, though I'm not judging if you do. This sets his actions and beliefs throughout the episode up, perhaps not entirely ordinary and somewhat inhuman. This is continued through his behaviour towards the people who are making the phone calls. Its not that he doesn't entirely care, he focuses more on the case and the so called game instead. And that isn't entirely bad at all, its just clear that here, he lacks empathy for people. For whatever reason that is, whether he truly is a sociopath or he hides his feelings and emotions because it helps with cases. Though his focus on the case itself can go a bit far, especially the “although i did technically solve the case” part. Buttttt there is development by the end of the episode. Throughout the whole episode he ignores all the people getting killed but by the end he points out to Moriarty that "people have died" which shows that he does actually give a damn.

However, he does clearly feel upset when the old woman died and he was clearly stressed out of his mind when he has 10 seconds to save the little girl, so the emotions are there and you cant prove me otherwise lol. 

Something else I noticed is that he is self aware of his lack of sympathy towards the victims. This is shown so greatly through the “heroes don't exist, if they did i wouldn't be one of them” quote. It not only shows that he is aware of the usual human reactions when bad things like this happen, it shows that he is aware of his emotional repression (or sociopathic tendencies if you believe that) but you could also say (this could be a stretch but oh well) that he doesn't entirely believe in himself either, because after all, his causes are good, he is on the good side but doesn't see himself as a necessarily good person. 

Continuing on from my point on the study in TBB, i love his appreciation of the things he doesnt care much about. This is shown through the whole thing about the solar system, he cares about it so little that he doesn't know that the earth travels around the sun but he appreciates the beauty of it. 

The ending of the episode is beautiful to me. When he thought he had to set the bomb off, his entire façade was broken. For those 2 seconds, vulnerability and perhaps even regret are the only things written on his face. Because he doesnt want to die, hes young, finally made a friend and loves his job, death is probably  the last thing he wants. I saw this in a tumblr post a while ago, i cant remember the name of the blog but they said that this was the rebellious, rule breaking, disobedient child Mycroft sees and i think its a perfect summary.

This one could be a stretch too buttttt Donavan calling Sherlock a "freak" his expression does seem to change a little. It has always seemed to me that he really was bothered by people making fun of him, especially as he was made fun of at Uni and probably even before that. I'm not sure if it's me seeing things but it just shows that he does feel things and is actually affected by people like Donavan.

Now onto relationships:

The key thing about his relationship with John is the contrast between them, it's interesting how two such different people manage to live together. John is clearly still not entirely used to living with him, or perhaps will never fully be because let's face it, Sherlock isnt the most ordinary person. Their differences do seem to cause some issues though. Espiecally because John is prioritising lives instead of the game itself. Something I love is the "I'd be lost without my blogger" phrase. As funny and sarcastic as that may be, he does mean it. Because she literally would be lost without John, and that is shown throughout the rest of the series, everytime John and sherlock are separated, they're either not happy or one of them nearly dies. He does also give John a chance at deduction, not to make fun of him, just plainly giving him a chance which shows that it's not all arguments between them and that they are really friends. There is that small scene when John first steps out at the pool, when we cant see the bomb yet, when Sherlock really does start doubting John, so many emotions pass through him in that millisecond, I dont even need to list them, think about what you thought when first watching that. It was set up that way, us and Sherlock are meant to have the same reaction, shock, confusion, doubt, literal pain. Obviously that passes quickly, those emotions turn to worry for John. Something I feel like Sherlock never experienced to that extent, worrying for another person's safety. One other thing is the fact that they non verbally agreed to die together which is so telling of their relationship and how strong it is

His relationship with Mycroft is literally a classic sibling relationship put to the extreme. Sherlock is childish towards Mycroft, doesnt do a case hes interested in because Mycroft suggests it, and Mycroft is the stereotypical older sibling, calls Sherlock stupid every moment he can, acts like a greater human being but really does care about him.

Now onto Moriarty. Their characters mirror eachother so much, they have always been two sides of the same coin in my opinion. It's literally in their names "Colsultant Detective" and "Consulting Criminal". They're both smart, enjoy the game more than any outcome, and both have a great fashion sense. Sherlock admits it himself, "I cant be the only person in the world that gets bored", he knows why Moriarty is doing this, because hes similar to him, at least in that moment in time. Moriarty is what Sherlock could have become without Mycroft, whether he wants to admit it or not, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade, Molly and John. Though I dont believe they are overly similar later on in the series, when Sherlocks true colours start coming through, at this moment in time they are very similar. But anyway, their differences will be explored later on, when Sherlocks emotional side decides to show up. Though I wanna point out that Moriarty knows about Sherlocks sentimental side. He knows that he has a heart, and it's clear that Sherlock is just hiding that because Jim says that they "both" know. That heart, will later be "burned", apparently. And though Moriarty may not actually win after TRF, I still hold the opinion that he does partly, as throughout season 3 we do see how burned Sherlocks heart was buT THATS AN ESSAY FOR ANOTHER TIME!

[tourettictrans]

tourettes Kaminari Denki fanfic(???) because i’m struggling rn and want to project onto a character (TW FOR: mentions of bullying and people not understanding)

Denki has had tics since he was around 5-6, and was diagnosed at age 8.

At first his parents didnt believe him and told him to knock it off, since he had always been one to be a class clown.

Don’t get me wrong, he was top of his class, until he was 9, ill get into that later.

After his parents realized he wasn’t faking his tics, they brought him to a neurologist and he was diagnosed.

For a year everything was fine, people were kind and understanding until he went to third grade (thats age nine right??) in a new school.

His teacher was a woman, older in age, and didn’t believe anything denki said.

When he had a vocal tic for the first time in her class, she freaked out, she sent him to the hallway and made him sit there for the rest of the class

he sobbed, he tried to explain that he had tourettes every time she walked into the hall to make sure he was still sitting there

she never believed him.

she sent him out into the hallway every day, making him miss most classes, causing him to somehow fail third grade. When his parents asked the teacher why he was failing, she said he was inappropriate and a class clown, constantly looking for attention and distracting a class.

and since he was a class clown before his diagnosis, his parents believed the teacher. He, luckily, was able to move up with his class because his teacher didnt want to deal with him. But she had warned the whole school system about how he was.

Of course they would believe the teacher and not the 10 year old. So the teachers would send him to the principals or the hallway and his parents would punish i him once they learned he was “acting out”, not understanding it was the tourettes.

At home they knew it was the tics, but since the school thought it was him acting out, that’s what they believed was happening along with the tics.

“Just because you have tics doesn’t mean you can act out!”

his grades dropped. he decided he would never go anywhere were he had to be quiet or be in line, so he would instead be a hero.

if he was a hero then people wouldn’t laugh at him when he tics, they’ll understand and they’ll praise him for doing things

when he got into UA, he thought his luck had finally changed he had a chance to become a hero.

Unfortunately, Mr. Aizawa must have gotten warned from his old school because he immediately sent Denki to Nezu’s office after he said “suck it bro” in the first class.

Kaminari dreaded the walk. He was used to it by now, but this was his one chance to be a hero, and he would hate himself forever if his tourettes ruined it.

Finally he reached the door and opened it. Nezu’s voice rang out in his ears. “Kaminari Denki, why are you here?”

It was a phrase he was used to hearing sarcastically from adults, but this felt real.

“I disrupted the class.” It came out of his mouth like autopilot. He said it every time. Denki knew how this would go. He’d get dentention and then it would happen again and again until he was kicked out of UA.

The mear thought of losing his career as a hero caused him to start to tear up, he tried to hide it, but not well enough.

“I see, well, I feel as thought there is something you’re not telling me. Like why you disrupted the class.” Nezu said

Denki broke down, he was tired. He was tired of parents staring at him at parent nights at school. He was tired of the whispers in class and the hallway. He was tired of the insults thrown at him by adults and children alike. He was just tired of having tourettes.

“I dont mean to.” He said, his vision blurred from tears streaming down his face. “I was diagnosed with tourettes at age 8, I have severe vocal tics and minor motor tics. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Hm,” Nezu said. “I see it in your file from your doctor, but not from your school. We usually pay attention to the file from the school since they have to list the medical side too. Why does your school not have your tourettes on record?”

Denki’s breathing slowed. Why didnt his school have it on record? “I dont know. I don think they fully believed the doctor’s note was real.”

Now that Denki could see again, he saw that Nezu was typing away. “What are you doing?”

“I’m putting your diagnosis in your school file. I would hate if you got sent to my office for things you cant control. Now, you said you only have minor motor tics, do any of these affect you in battle?” Nezu asked.

“N-No.” Denki was shocked at Nezu’s response. No adult, not even his parents, had been so calm about this. “The tics go away when I concentrate, especially in battle. Only the occasional vocal tic in battle but other wise no tics.”

Nezu nodded. After Denki explained some more about his tourettes to Nezu, who apparently knew a lot about tourettes, he was sent to lunch. As he walked out the door, Nezu spoke>

“Talk to your classmates. They will be your future friends of this school and hero’s of our world, teach them how to accept.”

“I will.” Denki said, walking to lunch.

At lunch Mina, Kirishima, and Sero all ran up to him, immediately bombing him with questions and praise of his guts to say that.

“Dude, I don’t know how you even had the guts to say that.”

“Why were you gone so long is everything okay?”

“Dude Aizawa seemed so mad!”

Denki’s hand started to twitch and he could feel the tingle of a tic as he sat down at the lunch table with everyone else.

“I...” Denki started. All eyes fell on him at the table. Even Bakugo gave him a side glance, curious but didn’t want to seem curious. Denki let out a chuckle.

“I have tourette syndrome. I have mainly vocal tics, including echolilia and coprolilia. Echolilia is where you repeat words and phrases, and coprolilia is where you say obscene and inappropriate things, such as mean phrases, swears, or slurs. I have that along with random phrases and my motor tics are small. Usually blinking like really hard and cracking my neck.”

The class was silent. For a second Denki thought he had messed up. They weren’t going to be his friend anymore. He knew it. He could kiss goodbye to Nezu’s idea of “acceptance”. Then Bakugo spoke up. As Denki saw his mouth move, he was afraid. Bakugo was going to be like all his bullies. Calling him slurs and making fun of him. Then beat him up after school.

“Does it affect your fighting?” Bakugo said, angerily.

“What?”

“Does it affect your fighting?” Bakugo said again, slower and somehow angrier.

“N-No.” Denki sputtered out.

“Then it doesn’t matter. I dont care what you say or do if your a hero as long as you can fight and be a hero!” Bakugo said, shifting in his seat.

“Kacchan that was so sweet!” Midoryia said, writing in his notebook.

“Shut up you stupid Deku!”

The rest of the class joined in on the exchange of words between Midoryia and Bakugo. Iida was saying how this was extremely inappropriate to fight over lunch. The rest of the class laughed.

Jiro, the punk purple haired girl, elbowed him in the side.

“Hey,” She said. “You’re pretty brave for sharing that. And I, and I’m sure Midoryia, would like to learn more about tourettes. So feel free to teach us.”

He nodded, and Jiro looked back onto the verbal fight against the two students which had now drawn the attention of the lunch room.

Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t going to be so bad.

[chateautae]

Hi Sammy! This is kind of? my mini non coherent review of MID, lets see if Tumblr will allow me to fit all my thoughts into one ask. This goes without saying but MID is perhaps one of my favourite fics which probably wont be topped by any other fic for a long ass time. I was engaged thoroughly and became even more invested the more I read. When Tae and OC started to become close, I do remember cringing once or twice bc of how cheesy and sappy they were for each other but then I really had to remember that holy shit? they were literally in their honeymoon phase? And Tae and OC are people who are so so so genuine and love so deeply that sometimes they did resort to grand verbal statements and that was completely okay because they meant every word, no matter how cheesy they got. They still had some iconic dialogues! Once I read MID a second time I really began to appreciate how much painstaking detail went into their progression because like, they didnt have sex until chapter 8? Thats huge considering the length of the story. With all the buildup, tension and yearning, them being crazy in love dorks makes complete sense now that I really think about it. These two beautiful souls who've been mistreated and misjudged their whole lives carried around so much love and purity individually and for each other, that when they finally got the chance to express it, they didnt know how to act bc they just loved each other so much! The respect for one another was always there, and them learning more and more about each other just made them fall harder and harder for one another to the point where they're literally soulmates! So yeah I'm sorry for projecting onto your beautiful work that one time. I guess its probably bc I've never been in a relationship (I'm 20 btw!). So I dont really get understand how a couple is meant to act jhdjfjfdkdjfh but my rating for this fic is 9.8/10! You poured your heart into this story and its sooooo apparent. Its bc of those genuine and unadulterated emotions that you've so skillfully woven together into this fic that its managed to gain the following that it has. To many more iconic fics by you! (if thats the plan, obvs its all up to you!!) Sorry for making you read this mess. Have a great day!

NAURRR this review is so sweet!! I totally see what you mean, I have like the highest radar for cringe-worthy content so sometimes my own radar would get triggered, but it's really eye-opening once you're truly in love with someone like that you realize you say things that may be cheesy or sappy. I have my own mid tae and honestly, we say the sappiest to each other that if someone heard us they'd probably throw up 😭 but that's just what loves does to you. It makes you crazy and feel things you can't even describe. So much so that all that can come out of your mouth is the sappy, cheesy stuff, so i'm glad you felt their love was so real my loves!! I'm so so happy their characters resonated with you and were conveyed to you that way, the same with their relationship and commenting on the development. It really took my all to write this story so I'm really really happy you're recognizing that effort, and tysm for your words on my writing, you're so lovely 🥺💓 thank you again for even reading loves <33

[catrasredemption-moved]

Sorry for the offense my ask caused however I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series? It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

*sigh* Okay, you want to do this? Let’s go.

For reference, this is the ask in question.

I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series?

You’re right. That is how Catra was for a lot of the series. I’ve never shied away from that fact or tried to defend it. Catra was an unhealthy, toxic, terrible person. But to simply leave it at that is a surface reading which doesn’t take several things into account:

Environment: Catra grew up in a place where literally everyone hated her. Shadow Weaver and Hordak both threatened to kill her on multiple occasions, and Hordak tried twice to do so. As early as the third episode of season one, Lonnie makes it clear that the only thing that ever protected Catra in the Horde was Adora, meaning it was basically open season on her once Adora left. If she hadn’t been given the Force Captain badge to hide behind, things probably would have been a lot worse.

Opportunities: Catra was given almost no chances to really change aside from Adora insisting that she up and abandon the only life she knows (as terrible as that life is at least it’s the devil she knows). And every time she shows weakness, life comes back to kick her. Shadow Weaver gives a minute bit of kindness? Catra gives her what she wants, and Shadow Weaver uses it to escape and abandon Catra to whatever punishment Hordak will give her. Catra opens up to Scorpia? Hordak’s demon imp reports it back to Hordak. Catra is happy in the Crimson Waste? She finds out that Shadow Weaver abandoned her to go to Adora. Catra slowly hardens herself over the course of season 1-4 because she simply can’t afford not to do so. Being even slightly soft has, over and over, proven to be her downfall.

Mental Health: Catra pretty obviously has problems that aren’t addressed because the Horde doesn’t gaf about mental illness. *C-PTSD - She was consistently abused and threatened by the person who was supposed to be her parental figure. That messes you up *Depression - I mean... yeah. That one is just kind of obvious *Borderline Personality Disorder - This is a very strong headcanon of mine (and a lot of the fandoms). BPD is a bitch of a mental illness. What are some of the symptoms? I’m glad you asked: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection || A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel || Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all (source). Any of that sound disturbingly familiar?

Catra’s Own Desires: As Double Trouble so eloquently put it “You try so hard to play the 'Big Bad Villain’ but your heart has never been it has it?” (Double Trouble, Destiny Part 2, 4x13). All Catra’s ever really wanted was acknowledgment that she’s worth something, to feel cared about, and Adora. That’s it. This post sums things up pretty well, imo - when asked what she wants, her focus is pulled to Adora. All of her dreams included Adora. It’s said right in the first episode: “We’re gonna see the world and conquer it.” (Catra, The Sword Part 1, 1x01). She tries to carry through with that plan on her own when Adora leaves, and we see how well that goes for her.

Catra Makes A Concentrated Effort To Change: Catra at the end of season four/beginning of season five is not the same Catra we’ve seen throughout the rest of the series. She’s down. She’s defeated. She’s seeking comfort in Glimmer’s company. And when push comes to shove, she does something she’s never done before - puts someone else’s life above her own survival. Her own life is officially forfeit. She knows what’ll happen to her when Glimmer is gone, and she doesn’t care. And she’s convinced no one else cares either. “There’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.” (Catra, Corridors, 5x03). She’s ready to die, but she wants to make amends with one person before she goes - Adora. She needs to apologize to Adora before she dies so maybe Adora will have a better memory of her than just the angry, bitter villain she became. And when she actually survives, she tries really hard to fall back on that angry persona, because she’s afraid of getting hurt again. But Adora almost immediately takes that down. “What do you care?! I know you all hate me!” “I never hated you!” *pause* “Then you’re even dumber than I thought.” (Catra, Adora, Taking Control, 5x06). Catra isn’t trying to be cruel or insult Adora there. Okay, maybe she's being a little insulting, but most of the hate is directed at herself. She doesn’t understand why Adora doesn’t hate her. Why Adora even bothered to go back for her. In her mind, there’s no way Adora can still care about her after everything that’s happened. She can’t let herself believe it, because she knows she’s just going to get hurt in the end (see earlier point about BPD). And when she realizes she’s actually going to live, and maybe she has another chance to set things right? She changes. She makes a very concentrated effort to be a better a person. *“I’m sorry. I got angry. It’s something I’m working on.” (Catra, Shot In The Dark, 5x08) *“I’m trying to be a better friend, that has to count for something.” (Catra, Return to the Fright Zone, 5x10) *“No. I’m not leaving. Whatever happens, I’m staying!” (Catra, The Heart Part 2, 5x13) We see Catra acknowledging and trying to work on her anger issues, making an effort to be a better friend, and refusing, for the first time, to run away when things start getting hard, even if it means watching Adora die. She also: *Makes amends with Perfuma after their earlier fight in Return to the Fright Zone, and doesn’t argue with Perfuma when she implies Catra has feelings for Adora (which is a huge thing for her to do with someone she barely knows) *Stands up to Shadow Weaver, her abuser, and then works with her to find and help Adora *Once again puts her own life in danger for the greater good (staying behind to fight the infected security bug, which she knows will kill her (notice how she doesn’t look Adora in the eye when she says she’ll catch up)), in favor of letting Shadow Weaver help Adora to the Heart.

Has Catra fully changed by the end of the series? Of course not, she had to fight an alien invasion, it’s really hard to go through full character development while fighting a war. But she lays the groundwork for herself as early as 4x13, when she steps in to save Glimmer from being killed by Horde Prime. She saves Glimmer in 5x03 with zero expectations that anyone will come back and save her. She saw what Horde Prime did to Hordak and knows that’s probably her future, but she puts the greater good above her own desire to live (which is probably pretty low at that point anyway). And when Adora does come back? She’s angry. Not because of Adora’s hero complex (although that’s pretty frustrating as well), but because she doesn’t see herself as someone worth saving. “We both know I don’t matter” (Catra, Save the Cat, 5x05). She so deeply believes she’s worthless that even Adora coming back for her can’t have been out of any sense of love - it was just Adora wanting to play the hero again. She spends the rest of season five trying to be someone worth that sacrifice. Trying to be someone worth Adora’s love.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Catra as a character is absolutely fascinating to me, mostly for the reasons I listed above - she’s not purely good or evil, she’s hugely impacted by the environment she grew up and the abuse she suffered, and she’s not the typical abuse victim we’re used to seeing in media - the one whose abuse made her kinder. Being abused made Catra bitter and angry. Catra worked to make herself kinder, to make herself a better person. That’s a conscious choice she makes and continues to make.

And the things you asked for? They’re also conscious choices:

she finds it too easy to physically lash out at Adora when stressed and expects her to take it bc "Adora is she-ra and it doesnt really hurt her anyway"

That’s abuse. That’s physical abuse no matter which way you slice it. That’s Catra making a choice to attack Adora using stress as an excuse because “Adora can take it.” Even at her worse, Catra never physically hurt someone outside of the battle - notable exceptions being Adora in 1x02 and Entrapta in 3x04, when she hits both of them with stun batons. And look at her face after each of those moments:

That’s not exactly the face of a brutal abuser. That’s someone who is just in way over her head and has no idea what she’s doing.

(It’s up to you if you want to include her slashing at Emily after her nightmare. Personally, I don’t, because it was a fear reaction and... Emily’s a robot.)

She gets angry, absolutely. She loses her temper and breaks things and threatens (usually by hitting the wall next to someone), but outside of battles, most of her attacks are verbal. Which leads me to my next point:

she keeps trying to manipulate people casually

Catra is absolutely amazing at reading people and making snap decisions on what to say that she thinks would get through to them or hurt them. Notable examples:

-Scorpia - “ And that's exactly why you have to go! How dare they pretend they're better just because you're different! How dare they abandon people just because they don't fit into their perfect little lives!” (Catra, 1x08, Princess Prom) Entrapta - “They left you. They left you, and they’re not coming back. Isn’t that just like Adora? She left me behind, too. Like I was nothing. Adora got her precious Bow and Glimmer back. All these princesses care about is people who are just like them. But you’re not like them, are you?” (Catra, 1x10, The Beacon) Hordak, after he says he needs Entrapta - “ Who do you think let the princesses in?” (Catra, 3x04, Moment of Truth)

Hell, even Horde Prime, in a way - she tells him that he needs her and Glimmer alive to activate the Heart of Etheria. Whether or not he’s actually convinced or if he’s just playing along to get what he wants is questionable, but she still had to think on her feet and used something she had known existed for like ten minutes (the Heart of Etheria).

And again, those are all choices she makes. Her manipulation skills are undeniable, but using them for fun would be falling back on old habits, something, again, she’s trying very hard not to do.

or she strikes a saleanis civilian when confronted

Again, Catra (aside from the two stun baton incidents) does not hit first outside of battle. Not to mention Salineas is probably one of worst regrets (along with the portal). She might tell someone to fuck off, especially if they bother her while she’s working, but hitting a civilian? That’s not even Old Catra. Old Catra would have just stopped and given them a death glare until they got scared and ran away.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Season five Catra is meant to be a Catra who’s trying to heal and be a better person. Season four shows Catra slowly breaking down, all of the things that have made her personality up to this point - her anger, her resentment, the things she thinks she wants - being ripped away and leaving her empty. And when she survives Horde Prime, she can’t return to that persona. She tries in 5x06, and breaks halfway through because she just can’t do it anymore.

Adora confronts her twice, she tries to fall back into her old way of coping with things, and she’s exhausted by the end of it. She can’t maintain that kind of anger anymore. Four seasons and three-ish years later, she’s just... not capable of it.

But none of that means she’s “magically healed.” She still has a temper. She still lashes out and runs away when things get hard. She tries, and she backslides, because that’s what recovery is. Backsliding all the way to pre-Breakdown Catra, though? She can’t do that. Consciously, she knows no one will put up with it. Emotionally, she just can’t. And most importantly, she doesn’t want to. She wants to be a better person, she wants to be someone who deserves love and friendship.

And that is the Catra I enjoy writing. She’s not cutesy or ==^uWu^== - she’s broken. She’s trying to heal. She has sharp edges and trauma and she’s not always going to handle things well. But she’s also trying to learn better coping methods. She’s finally doing what she actually wants (recovering from the past and being a better person), and she deserves better than a fandom that wants her to go to back to being the toxic person she was pre-breakdown.

So I’m sorry if you don’t like my interpretation of Catra, Anon, but to be frank, I’m not too crazy about yours, either, so... I guess we’re done here.

[canon-critical]

⇲Date Posted: January 15th, 2021

⇲Source: wings of fire (book) by tui t sutherland, canon

⇲Posted/Sent by: canon-critical

⇲Includes: mentions of abuse, victim blaming, mentions of genocide, very very brief mention of slavery

⇲ Criticism: the treatment of abuse victims in canon and the harmful messages surrounding it

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

you wanna know what really pisses me off and what people need to talk about more? about how wings of fire repeatedly pushes the idea that not forgiving your abusers is a horrible thing.

it might not seem like it at first, but if you spend even a minute looking at how abusers and their victims are treated in canon youll see what i mean in no time.

characters who DIDNT forgive their abusers

darkstalker - (rightfully) refused to forgive his abuser and its treated as a villainous trait. yes, darkstalker is an assand deserves no sympathy, and he has million other villainous traits and ways to treat him as a villain, but the fact that he doesnt forgive arctic is treated like one when its not.

tsunami - didnt forgive the guardians. she didnt forgive kestrel for everything she put them through or dune and webs for just standing by, and as a result canon treats her like shes being unreasonable for it. like shes just "holding onto a childish grudge"

glory - kestrel full on physically and verbally abused her for 6 straight years. kestrel was planning to KILL HER. and webs and dune just sat back and willingly did nothing. so they escape and glory, ofc, doesnt forgive any of them and shows no remorse when kestre dies and webs is hurt, which she is 100% in the right for. but what does the story do? treats her like shes being "cruel" and "unfair" for it

characters who did forgive their abusers or tolerate them

peril, clay, starflight, sunny, anemone, turtle, cricket, probably a handful of others with tui's track record

yes, moving on from the past is important and i could maybe forgive it if it was only one or two or if both were treated as a fair option (which it IS*), but it isnt. 3 characters** dont forgive their abusers, and theyre viewed as harsh for it. I DONT CARE how much you like these books or want to defend them. this series has an target demographic of 8-12 year olds, kids who still have a lot of growing to do. it doesnt matter how "mature" a child may be. when that kind of message, that you MUST forgive those whove wronged and seriousky hurt you no matter what or youre being unreasonable, is shown over and over again in a story and neither the story or fandom acknowledges that its wrong and an actual problem? that kind of shit sticks throughout that kid's life.

it wouldve still been bad if the message was used for smaller stuff like an accidental insult or a joke that hit too close to home, but the fact that its being used for ABUSIVE relationships and situations makes it so much worse.

dont even get me started on the darkstalker -> peacemaker thing, which pushes the whole "no matter how bad you are you deserve a second chance" message. that message is bad enough on its own considering how it can be applied to so many bad people (abusers being the one at the forefrony of my mind), its ESPECIALLY bad for darkstalker.

why? for a whole list of reasons including his actions and how he manipulated and abused and routinely threatened his family, his girlfriend, and his friends in order to get what he wants, but for 2 main ones.

1) HE ALREADY HAD SEVERAL "SECOND CHANCES. in his book, darkstalker legends, its shown that hes know about the paths from the moment he hatched. he knew which path was the bad one, and he willingly ignored the good path. i could maybe excuse that one considering hes pretty much the human equivalent of a newborn, but he keeps this choice as he grows despite by then having the ability to seperate right vs wrong. second and third chance? both times clearsight told him what would happen and asked him to stop. what did darkstalker do in response to this? the first time he brushed it off and told her to stop thinking about it. then 2nd time he spells her without her consent in order to FORCE her to stop thinking about it. his fourth chance? when he was released from the mountain. what did he do with THAT chance? betrayred moon's trust, forced everyone to like him, and went right back to doing what got him buried in the first place.

2) he literally tried to commit genocide against an entire tribe. twice. three times, if you count the night/ice battle. he has said/shown that he has no remorse whatsoever for his actions, and would do it again if given the chance. saying he deserves a 5th chance sends a message that souldnt be sent, especially to kids as young as 8-12.

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*it IS a valid choice. you are under NO obligation whatsoever to forgive your abuser, or try to make them "better people". they hurt you, and youre allowed to be angry. youre allowed to be upset about it. not forgiving them doesnt mean youre being unfair or that you cant "move on" or whatever other bullshit. theyre the ones who hurt you, theyre the ones who can deal with the consequences.

**3 characters, excluding any from arc 3. there are a few reasons for this. the first is that the arc isnt done. yes, sundew is a victim of abuse, but since the arc isnt done i have no idea if shell forgive her parents, or if itll be treated as being unfair id she doesnt. the second is that with the exception of cricket (who does forgive her abuse), the third arc doesnt really have any ties to abuse. it has to do with slavery. and how canon treats that issue is a whole different can of worms ill be opening for a different crit (spoiler alert: it isnt treated well)