#i mean at least when you compare it to my henrik

[alitgblog]

i forgot what volume we're on but THOUGHTS

first off what do you meeeaan we're getting the finale next week 😭

heart rate challenge is fun because of the costumes and dances and flirting in front of someone's partner you get to do, but god the results sucked. I don't care for the drama of Jin having the highest heart rate with Sienna and I don't care about Sienna rubbing it in MC's face. Can we move on???

Especially because literally on the other side of it, I just picked that MC would have her heart rate raised the most by Logan for fun, and that resulted in NOTHING. Maybe like one comment that flew under the radar during Logan's date, but nothing fun. I just had to hear about Sienna sticking her tongue in Jin's ear or whatever.

Speaking of Logan, he's just another victim of not enough screen time. Like Tyler, Hari, and Logan all seem great but you barely get any chance to talk to them outside of their intro episodes and then by then you're expected to have already made a decision on who to pick. At least Hari is around for a while, but I simply have not really talked to him since Casa aside from hearing how he's fumbling Hazel. And between Tyler and Logan, who in my mind are basically the same personality going only for MC, I kind of prefer Tyler because at this stage in the game, Logan needed to have put more pressure. Or have been an angel sent like Oliver idk he has some substance. Once again, just a waste of a good looking sprite.

I also miss LIs that had their own personalities. Like I think that's why the OG boys are fun at first: each of them being distinct enough but all having reasons to go for MC. But the bombshells this season all seem to kind of just be "yeah I like MC because she's confident and knows what she wants" and that's it. It feels gameplayer-y which is maybe why I'm less intrigued for their routes. Even small things like Lucas liking a girl that puts in effort vs Henrik liking a girl that tells it like it is, so then you kind of have to "compete" with the other characters even though it doesn't make a difference later on with who you pick feels like it gives the characters more dimension.

I also think this is why Bea and Claudia have such compelling routes this season compared to the male bombshells (and vs. some of the other wlw routes in other seasons). They have potential partners that could give them what they want, although we know ultimately probably not. Also why I think if Hari's storyline was more fleshed out and you got time with him, that when he comes back with Hazel, his story could be more interesting.

Also I liked Logan better with the hat on, he needed a different haircut lol.

Stop it please with the texts interrupting conversations there has GOT to be a better way

also fusebox trying to squeeze out as many gems as they can out of us with more of those "i heard gossip do you want to know?" choices 🙄

the pancake challenge is lame. it just made me miss s2 cake decorating challenge 😭

also at this stage in the game, i feel like we should've gotten Mr. and Mrs. (I can't remember if we already did that). But a fun food challenge is fine too, it's just that this one wasn't fun. Also the options all being either "do it correctly" or "fail on purpose?" was very lame and probably contributed to it being boring. Once again, make it more like the s2 cake decorating challenge or paint challenge in difficulty if you're gonna do this.

Also no one else flirting with MC at this point? the other LI's don't have a CHANCE. That's why it's called tempting fate, because it's all temptation and yet while they all claim to want MC, no one is really talking to her what a shame

How does Sienna have the energy to be this much of a hater?? I kinda wanted her to have a small redemption at the end of her time but we never got it. And plus with her being so mean, it's so hard to imagine that at one point she charmed Jin into even considering her, so I feel like for logic's sake, we should've seen some of what Jin saw in her.

And once again we fall into the same problem this season has had which is way too many things at once because what do you mean they had three SEPARATE firepit meetings to dump islanders?? Give them some room to breathe!!

But yeah for some reason a couple is getting dumped right before the recoupling. We say goodbye to my frenemy couple Emel and Oakley. I hated them at times, but I miss them so dearly. They do not deserve to leave. I think that should've gone to Sienna/Max or Liam/Bea. If anything, since it's a public vote they should've had those three couples be at the bottom and then everyone else vote on who they'd like to dump and then however the math works out it ends up being Emel/Oakley, just for realism if the game really wanted to dump them. I understand that it had to be them because there are LI's in every other couple, but that's why I think they shouldn't have this dumping here in the first place.

Then the final recoupling. I touched on this briefly already, but oh my god no one got a chance. This may be the first time since season 2 that I'm sticking with the original person I chose to couple up with the first time I played through (ok technically S5 I did end the game with Suresh but that season is special and in a bad way). And maybe it's just the way I've been playing, but it does seem like in the last few volumes, you really only get to talk to the OG boy you chose or the Casa boy you chose. But I haven't really talked to Claudia since Casa and I'm so sad about that. Haven't talked Max much either, so I thought maybe he was sticking with Sienna? Haven't talked to Hari. Haven't talked to Bea. For some reason before the final recoupling, MC had a chance to talk to THEO? I was under the impression that if you're on a Claudia route then you're not on a Theo route but I guess he was an option the whole time, which was becoming clear in the last few volumes, but I'm still in awe every time he shows up trying to talk to MC. (Side note: a well written Theo friends to lovers route is brewing in my head and I think it would've rivaled a Jake S1 route so that's a shame it doesn't play out that way). Logan also had that chance, but both of those were gem choices, so they don't count in my head.

So no Claudia and Bea? I literally wanted to scream when Claudia said she was choosing a boy 😭😭

Logan is with Bea just because she needs to escape Liam, so I understand why, but they just seem so odd to me. Especially when Oakley and Emel were right there! Should've let them stay, at least they pretend to like to each other!!

Oh but I will miss Liam actually. Unfortunately he has much more personality than Logan so that's a shame but unsurprising that the more boring person stays the longest in love island lol.

Shouldn't have to pay gems to get people to not watch Jin's girlfriend announcement

also fusebox you already got your dig at us for thinking it was gonna be a zodiac themed season, are you really doing this again?? 🤣🤣

And then Max and Sienna go home in ANOTHER dumping. I'm exhausted. They couldn't have written one more volume to spread these out?

yeah yeah and hideaway again

anyway to prevent this post from being too too long I'm going to make a second post (yet again) with my ideas for how to fix these episodes because I've been okay with most of the recent volumes but idk this one in particular, although having the same problems as before, annoyed more than the others lol

still one of the top seasons of the game imo and definitely an improvement from s7 which I still haven't finished

[iamvegorott]

Ink Month 2023 Day 28

Sweater

“How are you not hot in that thing?” Chase asked Henrik with a chuckle, the two sitting on one of the Manor’s couches together. Most of the other Egos were around either in the same room or the kitchen, all of them gathered for their weekly dinner. “I mean, I know it’s fall, but we’re in the house with everyone, and a turtleneck sweater’s gotta be toasty.” 

“I am fine. I am running a slight chill, is all.” Henrik gave a reassuring smile. 

“You not feeling good? If you gotta pop back home early, you can. The others will understand.” Chase said, his ‘worried dad voice’ kicking in. 

“I am feeling just fine, my friend.” Henrik chuckled, patting Chase’s leg before standing up. “Being cold is no cause for worry. I am going to do my little social lap, but I may take that offer and head home soon. I can handle the crowd for only so long.” 

“Just hit me up if you need anything.” Chase fired some finger guns. 

“Of course.” Henrik smiled again and walked off. 

“Come on, let me prove it!” Jackie said with a laugh, holding his arms out and walking toward Dark. Jackie, Dark, Phantom, Mad, Mare, Anti, and Edward were in the kitchen when Henrik came in. 

“Put your arms around me, and I will remove them from your body.” Dark threatened. Henrik could see the slight flush on most of their faces, several empty bottles of alcohol telling him that they were at least somewhat intoxicated. The only one without an alcohol flush to their face was Edward, fully sober and watching everything with an amused grin. 

“What is going on?” Henrik asked as he joined Edward. 

“I told Jackie he’s not strong enough to pick up Dark.” Edward said with a casual shrug. 

“You know Jackie can not refuse a challenge, right? Dark will never let him do that, despite all of us knowing Jackie can easily lift Dark physically.” Henrik sighed and crossed his arms. 

“That’s why it’s fun.” Edward chuckled. 

“Don’t be a party pooper.” Jackie moved in closer, and Dark stopped him with a hand on his forehead.

“You could pick me up.” Mad offered with a giggle, leaning heavily against Mare. Being his size, not drinking much before meeting the others, and being fairly human compared to them as well had him much more intoxicated and bright red. 

“Okay!” Jackie moved to go to Mad, but Mare wrapped his arms around Mad and moved him away. 

“Nope.” Mare shook his head. 

“But he’s trying to prove something, music man,” Mad whined, weakly slapping at Mare’s arms. 

“Lifting you doesn’t prove anything. Literally everyone in this room can do it easily.” Mare then whispered something into Mad’s ear that got his flush to deepen for a much different reason. 

“Would I count?” Phantom pointed to himself. “Pick me up so we can get this over with.” 

“It has to be Dark, or it doesn’t count,” Edward said. 

“Just let the man pick you up for like a second.” Anti poked Dark’s arm. 

“Fine. For one second. Then we are done with this.” Dark huffed and sat his drink down. “Just don’t-” He didn’t get to finish before Jackie had him up and over his shoulder. “Jackieboyman, put me down!” 

“Jackie wins,” Edward said with a laugh. 

“Spin, spin, spin!” Anti and Phantom started guiding Jackie to twirl with Dark still on him. 

“You really do enjoy causing chaos sometimes.” Henrik tugged at the front of his sweater.

“You look warm there, Hen.” Edward’s grin turned into a sly one. 

“Of course I do. I am burning up, and you know damn well why I have to wear this.” Henrik glared at Edward. 

“Let’s head up to my room so you can change and call it a night. The others are messed up right now and won’t notice.” Edward took Henrik’s hand and walked off with him. Henrik held his tongue until they were in Edward’s room, and the door was closed.

“You are terrible.” Henrik got the turtleneck off him as soon as he could, showing he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath and exposing the massive hickey on his neck. “You just had to do this to me the day of everyone gathering. Do you know the type of things they would say if they saw me parading around with this thing?”

“They’d say what a lucky doctor~” Edward half-sang and hugged Henrik’s waist from behind. “And, besides, they can’t really judge when most of them have their own little marks on themselves all the time. Hell, Marvin, Anti, and Phantom literally show theirs off and compare who has the bigger one.” 

“Well, Mr. Smarty-Pants. I am not like them and don’t want to expose what we do behind closed doors.” Henrik tossed his sweater aside.

“And that’s why I love you.” Edward kissed Henrik’s cheek.

“And you are lucky I love you, or I would be kicking you right now,” Henrik mumbled but leaned back against Edward’s hug despite his pout. 

“I can make it up to you.” Edward offered with another kiss, this one on Henrik’s jaw. 

“You better and-” Henrik turned to face Edward, placing a finger on the tip of his nose. “-all markings are below the collarbone.” 

“Yes, sir.” Edward chuckled before taking Henrik’s hand by the wrist, kissing his palm, and then pulling Henrik into a proper kiss. 

[aerial-ace97]

Aldous Leekie Reframing?

So I’m watching Orphan Black for the third time right now cause it’s amazing and one of my favorite TV shows of all time.  Anyway, I’m becoming convinced that Leekie might have been the best of the Dyad Institute and maybe the best bad guy of the show besides those who clearly or even just effectively swapped sides (AKA Helena and Paul).  Spoilers though so I’ll put my reasoning under the cut.

To start off, I am by no means calling Leekie a good guy.  He was known to kill in order to keep the experiments safe, as in the case of Olivier (to be fair he was a sex offender so I don’t feel too broken up about it and you could argue Leekie hired him but with how many heads Dyad has there simply is no way to know that).  He also supposedly killed Rachel, but oh it turns out no he didn’t, so did he just... burn documents or something.  He did have grandiose ideas about eugenics but that’s... everyone in Dyad and he honestly was mostly just a figurehead while others did the real work.  He also had a creepy relationship with Delphine.  Maybe?  We never got the full picture on how that worked though.  Certainly his status was above her and so you could make a point for work place exploitation but besides that... I’m not really sure what’s creepy about their relationship.  Is it just ageism?  Rachel and Ira are creepy because Rachel LITERALLY raised Ira from four years old.  We know nothing of the history of Aldous and Delphine.  Aldous was... also vaguely an asshole and superior around most people.  Not exactly a crime akin to the monumental violations we see from others on the show.

On the other hand, Aldous was deeply committed to maintaining as little intervention with the subjects as possible, or at the least, the most that we saw (I guess besides Marion Bowles but she was hardly even a character and MK’s revenge list with her named crossed off suggests she was involved with Helsinki so... not a great look for her).  He didn’t try to kill any clones we know of and forwarded the greatest impetus for curing the clones of anyone in the Institute.  When Rachel went out of her way to have one of her sisters murdered and autopsied he was disgusted.  Not to the extent anyone should have been but with more genuine frustration than anyone I can recall in the Institute.

When we compare him to other members of the group there really is no contest with most of them.  Virginia Coady advocated for genocide and rape.  Her cadre of clones, while arguably manipulated, were also rapists.  PT Westmoreland experimented on a child and eventually killed him in cold blood, manipulated everyone around him to do his eugenic dirty work, stole blood from dozens of youth and let them die thinking they had a cure, you name it.  Evie Cho had dozens of babies euthanized when they were ‘defective’.  Ferdinand massacred clones.  And Rachel, for all people try to argue for her redemption and as manipulated as she was, went a long with both Westmoreland and Ferdinand, held back Cosima’s cure, tried to kill her mother and Sarah, did have one clone murdered, manipulated and abused Kira, and was perfectly fine with however many clones had to die.  Sorry Rachel fans but her being manipulated doesn’t absolve her.  Everyone is a product of others.  No upbringing makes Rachel vindicated.

Of course Prolethians fair no better with all of them abusing faith in order to manipulate the murders of clones.  Tomas was abusive, Henrik a rapist, Bonnie a murderer and abusive.  Probably way more crimes for all of them.

There are only two members of Dyad who may have had any chance of being better.  Susan Duncan being one.  But... Susan Duncan was still ok for a while with experimenting on Yanis in the horrible tests he went through.  Speaking up isn’t really stopping it and she should’ve cut and run then and there.  Also had that above creepy relationship with Ira.  I don’t know that she couldn’t have been aware of some of the Helsinki stuff and other things that Dyad got up to as essentially the head of Dyad for a time.

Ethan Duncan is the other contender and yeah for all intents and purposes we’re left to believe he was better than Leekie but he was also... only very briefly ever a member of Dyad.  Certainly not the Dyad we see in the current age.  So I find it difficult to count him.

This is all worthless info of course.  They’re all scheming and cruel eugenicists more interested in profit and science than actual human lives.  But in retrospect of watching through the seasons I feel like Leekie shines as not so bad when we stop and think about it.  Course he might have been.  In an alternate story where the Club sides with him over Rachel in season 2, maybe he becomes the worst of the worst.  But I can only judge by what actually happened.

[http-anti]

Star listened intently as Henrik spoke, focusing all her attention on him. The hand on his arm rubbed it gently in silent encouragement but the words he spoke made her heart sink with an unfortunately familiar sensation. He had been feeling the same way she did...

However, what really struck her was that she had no memories of this kind of topic with him. Their future selves had shared their stories about their pasts, but she couldn't recall a conversation about struggles with their appearances. If anything, her future self didn't seem to have any conversations about that specifically with anyone. Was that something that she still kept to herself, even in the future? It made Star pause, looking down for a moment as if considering something. If she spoke to Henrik about this, it would be the first time she really told anyone, ever.

Henrik was being vulnerable right now. It was unfair for her to expect that of him and not reciprocate. Besides, she trusted him.

"I... I understand what you mean," she said softly, looking back up at him empathetically. "I didn't have the pictures to reference in the bedroom upstairs, but I have the memories to compare to. In the memories I have of myself, I look so different. I-It's a jarring change and it really hit me when I went to get my sweater, too.."

Star fell quiet for a moment, taking in a slow breath. She was starting to realize that she and Henrik had even more in common than she had originally thought. That made her feel sick to her stomach but she was also glad that he wouldn't be alone in the way he felt, at least.

"I-I know there isn't much I can say to help with that feeling because it really is just a matter of time and habits changing... but you are not alone in this. Rapid weight gain, or just any physical change that you are not used to is... shocking, and emotionally confusing. Being able to talk about it is good," Star stated softly before pressing her lips together and averting her gaze. "I.. I-I don't know if your future self has spoken to anyone else about it but... I do not have any memories of having this kind of conversation... w-with anyone. I think I have still kept it to myself in the future because I didn't think anyone would understand..."

Rolling Back the Clock (Closed Rp)

Today was one of the few times Henrik had a few days off in a row. It was nice and relaxing, despite how little resting he actually did. He was always doing something, whether it was cleaning, shopping, or planning meals for the week. But, he did do his best to do more calming activities like reading a book or catching up on a show.

On one of his days off, he ended up inviting Star over. A few others had the day off and he knew Jackie planned to see her anyway, so why not have a little hangout at their house instead. And while she was over, Marvin was doing some studying upstairs.

So when Marvin came downstairs asking if they could practice a spell on him and Star, Henrik wasn't exactly surprised. But they had time, so he wasn't exactly against it. These usually didn't have any bad effects anyway.

"I mean.. I'm okay with it." Henrik shrugged. "What's going to happen?"

((@http-anti ))

[mangaien]

also things that make me laugh forever about is how similar remus and my oldest muse henrik is. like they both got attacked by werewolves when they were kids only... the 5 year old remus manged to beat the 12 year old henrik in like not dying.  there is more like personality wise, but more notably my first fc for henrik was charlie ro*we, and he is very popular as a young remus and also my older fc for the longest time was andrew and that is even more funny. and like anytime i see anything like with andrew as remus i just go... now that is henrik wtf he doing there.

[cryptidofthekeys]

The Adventures of Tiny Robbie

Wow, me? Writing fluff? And writing another story this quickly? Not foretold but it’s here! I figured I’d get this one outta my list, I knew it wouldn’t be a SUPER long one from the beginning  but I hope y’all like it anyway, no trigger warnings for this one except maybe tooth rotting fluff lmao

The cute lil font I had for a certain part in this story doesn’t show up here so r.i.p that

Robbie was shambling throughout the house as he usually did, he didn’t really have anywhere to be in particular, he was just roaming and looking around, overall today had been a pretty good day for the zombie! Chase played some games with him, Jameson had a tea party with him as well! ...Granted, Robbie tried to eat the cup at the end, but he couldn’t help it though! The cup looked pretty and had pretty flowers on it! And he’s eaten flowers before and they tasted good so why couldn’t he eat the cup? Robbie… Didn’t understand it but he saw Jameson’s distress and backed off, he understood at the very least that for whatever reason if he ate the cup, Jamie would be sad and he didn’t want that! He hated to see any of the others distressed because he knows it’s bad, it feels bad and icky… Maybe next he’d try to find Anti, he hadn’t seen him in awhile so that’d be his next task so long as he didn’t get distracted by anything! Meanwhile…

Marvin was nearby, he noticed Anti’s door open to his room and he quickly took out his wand, he grinned mischievously “...This will be payback for ruining my stuff earlier, you nasty glitch…” He muttered to himself, he slowly got into position and waited for the glitch to come closer, at first he heard Anti grumbling slightly and then he finally heard footsteps coming closer, and closer… And closer… And… ...NOW! He jumped out and chanted a spell really fast before waving his wand, and casting it to… ...O-Oh… Oh no! Robbie was in the way of Anti! He was going to get hit by the spell, as Marvin called out to him to get out of the way, the zombie slowly turned and suddenly he felt, well he wasn’t sure how to describe the feeling, it wasn’t really painful but he did let out a slight yelp of fear and held his arms up as a shield, and for a few moments nothing happened so Robbie lowered his arms and blinked slowly, tilting his head, and he looked back at Anti and then tilted his head as he noticed… “...A-Attiii…? T-Taalllerrrr…?” Robbie watched as Anti kept getting taller and taller but then he seemed to piece it together, it wasn’t JUST Anti getting taller! He was getting… Smaller? Or something…? As things finally stopped growing around him, the zombie turned around and noticed, okay… Everything was giant now.

He let out a small whimper and clutched at himself, he flinched upon feeling hands suddenly around him, they were gentle but it was still scary, it was something new and something he didn’t understand… As the hands lifted him up, he blinked and looked up toward Anti’s face who looked… Shocked, but then he held Robbie closer to his chest with one hand "̸͡.̷̀̀..̢Rob̛́b̕įe̡͟͜, ̡͘͟ç̴̛o͞v̴̧ęr̶͏ y͜͠è̢̧r̵̕ e̷͟͞a̢̨ŗ̸͞s̷ ́f̷̵o͏r҉͟ a̶͘ ͞͠s̛e͘͝҉c̴͢.̸͟͜.͏.͢" The zombie was confused but did as told and placed his hands over his ears, he didn’t notice the knife form into Anti’s other hand until he raised it up at Marvin "̵͝Yo̴͠͠ú͟ fu͏c͠k̕i̶ń͟g̨͘͜ ̀͠Ì̧ ̧D I̵͜ ͢O͘ ͡T̵͞҉!"͏  Even with the zombie covering his ears, the yell still sounded a bit loud, he didn’t like this, he heard the two talk with each other, it sounded like they were bickering, but it was more like Marvin trying to defend himself and Anti yelling at him for t h i s… “I was aiming for you, not him! How was I supposed to know he was in front of you?!” Anti’s eye twitched at this, he grinned however even though it was clear he was still pissed "͏͘͏Y҉͞o̴u ҉̶d̸̡o ̶͠r͝��ea̵͞l̶͠i̴z̀e ͏t̵̡͡h͢҉a͠t̕͝͏ ̸o̕n̸͝l̶̡y ͏m̕a͠k̷̛ȩs̡ ḿ̷͡e̡̡ ҉M̵̡͢ ͠Ù ̷͠C͜ ̀H͝ ̨m̸or͏e̛͡ ͞ą́͘n̛g̸̕r͜͡į͜͜e̷r͠ ̢̡a͘t̨͜ ̕yo̶u ̴̢b͞ ̶̷̀u ҉t͠..̷.͢ ̴͟Y͢a̷͞ ͞ķ̴n̵̛ow͝,͘ ҉͟i̷͝n͠s͝͠t̢͠e͡͞͠ad̸ ͟ơf̧ ͜͝͠Ḿ͞E͏̀ ̴k̶il̢͏́li͢n͢͝g͘͡ ͝y͏͏o̸u̸̡,̸͏̛ ̢h̶̴o͝w ͘ą̵̀boứ̧t̶ y̨͘͞ơ̢͘u͝ ̢f̢͘a̛c̛͞e͜ ̴͞͡t͟͡͞he ͢c̵̵͜o̸̕ǹs̨̀́e͢qu̡ȩn̸c̡͞e͝s of͏ ̧͟y̡͠͠o̡u̷ŕ̀ ̷̡́a͜c͞t̷͟͞ì̢o͟͜ņ͏s̡?̷̨ ̀I̶'̵l̡̀l̵̛ ̨̕l̶̕̕e҉̸t̶̡ ̡́͟t͡h́e ̶̢O̡̨T̷͘H̨͜E͏͢R̴̀͞S̶͟ ̨̛k̀i͜͜ll̶̀ ̢y̴͢͏o̴͏u thèm̸̛s̵̸e̕ĺ̵̡v̴̸es͠͏~" Before Marvin could even think about opening his mouth to retort, he heard Henrik’s voice call out “What is all the yelling about? What is wrong?” He sounded tired and pretty irritated if anything.

Next came Chase’s voice as the two walked down the hall “Yeah dudes, what’s goin’ on?” Anti turned to the two and grinned "̶̡W̛h҉̛y̵ d͠͞o͏͝n̷͝'̶̡t I ś̛h́͠͝o̧w҉̵ y̶e̴ ̡͜t̀wǫ w̕͡͝h̶̢͡at̢͠ our̡̀ ̸͢Ẁ̧ÓN̵D͏E͠R̀F̨Ų̷̷L̷ l̴͏i̷t͞t̷́l̡͠e҉̴̨ ma̕g̢͞ì̡͡c͠i͞an̕ ̴͏͢d͢i͟͝d̛͝ ̀̕m͜y̴̢̕s̴̶e̸͠l͘͘f̶̨,́҉ ̛͏h̨͏m~̨҉?͜͡"̀ And then Anti held Robbie out, who blinked and looked up toward Henrik and Chase, they were really big too… The zombie felt like he was about to start crying, everything was so much bigger, so much louder… And it seemed Henrik and Chase both noticed him about to burst into tears, even Anti, the three turned back to glare at Marvin who smiled nervously “...I-I was… Aiming for Anti… I-I was trying to get… G-Get back at him…! H-He ruined my things…!” Henrik looked toward Anti “Give Robbie to Chase for a moment, and Chase? ...Go take Robbie to Jameson’s room please… I’d like to have a chat with Marvin for a bit” Anti nodded "͞T̡̀͝h͟'̸͡ ͏̸f͠͝͞i̸̷̡r̷͝ś͘͟t̢ ̸ţ̛͢h͡i̡̛n̡g̵ ̴ẁe̡'̶̢v̡͘͠e̸͝ ̵͘E͏͠V̶̕E̷̡͡R̶͡ a҉̕gr̢ȩ̡e̴̕d̶̀ ̸͘o̕͢͟n̷,͝͏ ̵̷d́o̶c̵t͏҉o͜r͏.͟͡.̢.͝͏~̸̧" Anti gently handed Robbie to Chase even though he was a bit hesitant to do so… Chase quickly walked off toward Jameson’s room, he heard Marvin desperately trying to get out of this, saying that they could talk about this and the last thing Chase heard before leaving the vicinity entirely was “Oh, we’re going to talk about it, alright” From Henrik who sounded just as unhappy as Anti had… (Hen’s gonna get Anti’s ass too for breaking someone’s things bc he isn't INNOCENT by any means)

Chase looked down at his hands at Robbie who looked like he was sobbing now “H-Heey… Heyy… Robbie buddy… C’mon dude, it’s alright, it’ll be okay… I know it’s scary, being that small… Everything’s so much scarier being that small, trust me… H-Heh… I’ve been there, no thanks to Marv…” He grumbled slightly but held Robbie against his chest, the zombie immediately nuzzling into him, still crying “S-Scarrreeedd… W-Wann… be… big againnn…” Chase sighed “I know buddy… I know… We’ll get it sorted… For now, let’s get’cha to Jamie’s room lil duder… It’ll be extra quiet there…” Robbie sniffled and nodded his head and then Chase was heading down the hallway and finally knocking on Jameson’s door, it took a few minutes but finally he answered the door and signed [ Ah! What brings you here, Chase? Is there a problem? ] Chase sighed “Uh, I guess you could say we got a SMALL problem on our hands…” He grinned a little sheepishly before holding out Robbie who waved at JJ, the man paused for a moment before mimicking a sigh [ ...Let me guess, Marvin’s doing? ] Chase nodded and then Jameson invited him in, he gently closed the door behind himself and finally… Robbie was relaxing a little bit more.

It was always pretty quiet in Jameson’s room, he had some very faint old timey music playing usually but it was nothing that’d hurt Robbie’s tiny ears, Robbie looked at the tea set “Ch-Chaa…? D-Daaadaa…” Chase looked down at the tiny zombie “What’s up, kiddo…?” Robbie pointed to the tea set “D-Doowwnnn…! Downnn!” Chase looked a little nervous but he carefully placed Robbie down on the table by the tea set, the zombie smiled and looked up at the giant objects, he seemed… Fascinated… Sure, it was still scary to the zombie with EVERYTHING being so large but he reached out a hand and gently touched the cup, he was so small compared to it, he could easily climb into the cup and fit in it! ...And then he was doing so, he climbed on up and tumbled a little into the cup and peered up at Chase and Jameson who was watching him, he giggled and smiled a little lopsidedly “...C-Cuuppp…!” Robbie pointed to himself then the cup, this made Jameson smile while Chase chuckled “If he fits he sits…” Jameson then looked back toward Chase and began signing [ So, you said Marvin did this? What EXACTLY happened out there? ]

Chase sighed “...Well ya see, Marv was tryna get back at Anti or some shi…” Chase paused, glancing down at Robbie who was giggling and waddling around in the cup before looking back toward Jameson who had that one look on his face “...Something like that… I think Anti broke some of his things” Jameson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose [ Golly, that demon really does love to pester people… ] Chase nodded “Hen and Anti are probably givin’ Marv a lecture right now as we speak… Of course m’ sure Anti’s gettin’ a lecture too, heh… Dude ain’t gonna get away t h a t easily” JJ nodded [ I hope Henrik isn’t being TOO harsh on Marvin at the very least, the doc can be… A pretty intimidating fella when angry ] Chase chuckled “Yep, he sure can… I mean, I won’t deny… Robbie is even cuter than he usually is…” The two looked down to Robbie who was now climbing out of the cup and waddling around on the table, he looked to the kettle and it was even bigger than the cups and he looked more fascinated now then scared, Robbie then walked closer toward Jameson and held his arms in the air, jumping up and down “U-Up…!” JJ smiled at this and held his hand down, as flat as he could manage so Robbie could have an easier time of climbing up, the zombie still struggled a bit but not nearly as bad.

Once Robbie was on his hand, Jameson carefully and slowly lifted the zombie up, he giggled while being lifted up, this wasn’t AS bad as Robbie was thinking previously, sure, he’d still prefer to be normal sized again but for now… He could manage! Jameson then placed two fingers down onto his other hand, watching Robbie take a hold of them and he used his fingers to dance around with the zombie who was giggling and dancing along, he used one finger to carefully help Robbie twirl around and this made Chase clutch at his heart, a look of adoration on his face, he mouthed an ‘Aww’ so he wouldn’t interrupt this moment as Jameson continued to ‘dance’ with Robbie for a few moments, before the zombie finally let go of his fingers, JJ smiled brightly at this and gently booped Robbie’s nose, the zombie clapped and seemed so happy and giggly before his stomach suddenly started gurgling, he looked back at Chase “H-Huunngrrryyy…” Chase stood from his spot “Alright kiddo, I’ll go get’cha some food, you stay here…” Robbie quickly spoke up “N-nnnooo…! W-Wan… Go.. With…!! W-Wan s e e… Differ… di… n-neeeww…!” Chase looked a little confused by that but Jameson quickly grabbed his attention.

[ I believe what Robbie wants is to see the difference with things now that he’s a wee fellow! He wants to see how different the world is now ] Chase perked up at that and smiled “...Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt, but, Robbie, you gotta promise me you’ll be careful… It can be very dangerous when you're that small” The zombie giggled and nodded “Proomisse p-ppaapaa…! Prrromise I…  Be saaafe…!” And then Robbie was jumping up and down, making grabby hands for Chase who gently took a hold of him, he smiled as Robbie nuzzled into his chest and got comfortable, he gave a nod toward Jameson since he couldn’t really wave but the other seemed to understand, he waved nonetheless and then Chase was walking out and looking around, he saw no sign of the others… He hurriedly padded off toward the kitchen and once he got there he gently set Robbie down onto the counter, the zombie looked… Amazed, sure, he definitely seemed intimidated by all the new things that were much larger than himself but… He had an aura of curiosity, and he quickly put that curiosity in motion by exploring around the counter, gently placing his hands on various things or standing next to it to see the sheer size of it.

Chase chuckled, “Havin’ fun lil duder?” Robbie giggled and nodded “Mmhm…!” Chase was happy now that Robbie was less scared and having much more fun, definitely a different reaction then how he felt when he was tiny, but also… He had to worry about Anti when he was tiny, Robbie won’t thankfully… “What’cha want to eat, kiddo?” Robbie paused for a few moments, he seemed to be thinking before he finally spoke up “M-Meeaat…! Pleease…” Chase nodded and told Robbie to stay put which he surprisingly did so, the zombie waited patiently for the other to bring his food back and when Chase brought the slab of meat back, the zombie’s jaw nearly dropped, t-thankfully it didn’t because sometimes his jaw could… Fall completely off… But the zombie’s eyes were practically sparkling as he stared up at the giant slab of meat, his mouth watering as he got up and rather quickly sped toward it, he stopped in front of it to gaze up at it (keep in mind, this is raw meat, Robbie doesn’t,, really like cooked meat actually but to be fair I mean, he has nothing to worry about eating raw meat he IS a zombie after all) he placed a hand against it and tore a chunk off and began munching away, this made Chase a little nervous so he quickly chimed in “Don’t eat TOO much, okay kiddo?”

Robbie nodded, still tearing off bits and pieces here and there to consume, he ate pretty slowly but eventually he seemed to get his fill, he ate a bit more than Chase would have liked him to but seeing the bright smile on the zombie’s face made it worth it, he could have a little extra… After Robbie was finished he took the slab of meat and put it back in the fridge, he had originally put it in the fridge a bit earlier since he was the one preparing Robbie’s food this time, the egos usually took turns with making sure Robbie gets fed, after all they know how dangerous he is when he doesn’t… That thought made Chase shudder and he shook his head, walking back over to the counter and looking down at Robbie “F-Fooodd… Gooodd…” The zombie mumbled, and for a few moments it was calm and peaceful… Until Jackie popped his head into the room and his voice was loud as he called out to Chase, this made Robbie whimper and hold his ears “L-Loouudd…!” Chase quickly whipped around and pressed a finger to his lips “Jackie…! Shush…!” Before Jackie could open his mouth to question why, Chase stepped to the side and pointed toward the counter, Jackie stepped a bit closer to get a better look and then he saw a tiny Robbie sitting there, covering his ears and whimpering softly.

Jackie quickly put a hand over his mouth, mostly because aww Robbie was even more adorable! But also… He felt bad for scaring the other, he toned his voice down as best he could “Sorry lil buddy… I didn’t know you were in here…” Robbie looked up to Jackie and nodded “I-It… Okaaay…” He spoke out, to which Jackie smiled at, he then turned to Chase “So… What happened to him exactly?” Chase sighed “Marvin was aimin’ for Anti or somethin’ because he broke some of his stuff, he didn’t see Robbie standing in front of Anti at first and so… Robbie got hit by the blast” Jackie’s eyes widened a bit “...Jeez… Lemme guess, cause I did hear someone getting lectured a few minutes ago, that was probably Marvin in there, huh?” Chase nodded “More than likely dude, I mean… Both Henrik and Anti were pretty angry at him” Jackie shivered at that “Dang… Hope Marv’s alright in there… I know how Henrik’s lectures can be” Chase nodded, a look of sympathy on his face “...Don’t we all, bro… Don’t we all…” Jackie then held a hand down on the counter and Robbie carefully climbed up onto it, the zombie looked down and gently began patting at the gloves, giggling while doing so “So...Soo..fft…! Soft…!” Jackie smiled at this “Aww… So cute…” He watched Robbie pat at his gloves for a bit.

Robbie seemed to really like the texture of Jackie’s gloves, despite being leather they still felt so soft… And warm and snug… And that’s when Robbie really started paying attention to other details… He remembered Jameson’s hands were a bit smaller than the others seemed to be and much softer… Chase’s hands were usually warm and very comforting, Jackie’s hands were covered by gloves but the gloves felt nice and now Robbie was gently grasping at one of Jackie’s fingers, he really WAS small… Even their fingers were a bit bigger than he was! He wrapped his arms around Jackie’s finger in a hug, nuzzling his face into the gloves, and both Chase and the hero swore, if Robbie didn’t stop now, they were going to have some sort of cuteness overdose… “Heh… You having some fun there, Robbie?” Jackie asked to which the zombie replied with a giggle and then a nod, and for a bit, the zombie played and messed around with Jackie’s hands, trying to even do what he did to some punching bags on occasion, this made the hero smile brightly “Ooh…! Big strong boy…!” Jackie praised, truthfully though it felt like a feather grazing his fingers when the zombie punched his fingers, but hearing the other giggle and clap and look so happy? ...Robbie didn’t need to know the truth on this matter.

And then Jackie felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, he carefully handed Robbie back to Chase and pulled it out, his eyes scanned over the message and sighed “Ah, duty calls…!” Chase nodded and both him and Robbie waved goodbye to Jackie who quickly ran off, meanwhile Robbie was papping at Chase’s hands to get his attention, he looked down “What’s up, kiddo?” The zombie pointed “Wanna… See… Others… See Maarr… Henn… A-Attiii…! Wan… See…” And there was a pause, the zombie huffing a little in frustration as he tried to show Chase what he meant instead, he made some motions at the other’s hands and placed his hand against one of his fingers, hoping Chase would understand somewhat “U-Uhh… You… Want the… Others to hold ya, is that it dude?” Robbie sighed ...Close enough at least so he nodded “Mmhmm…!” Chase thought about it for a moment before sighing “Well… Let’s go see if Hen’s done with his lecture…” And then Chase was heading off in that direction, he held Robbie close to his chest and kept him mostly covered just in case, he walked down the hallway and toward Marvin’s room, he figured the others would be in there, luckily enough for his and Robbie’s sake, there was no loud yelling, he could hear some talking now as he got closer to the door, he knocked on it and it fell silent for a few moments before Henrik had opened the door.

He looked at Chase then down to his hands, noticing him cradling Robbie toward his chest “Ah… How’s he doing, Chase?” Henrik did smile a little, even though the zombie being small was a bit nerve wracking for him he wouldn’t deny, seeing Robbie like this made his heart swoon… “He’s doing alright now, Hen… Heh… If anything I think the lil duder enjoys being small now…! Robbie actually wanted to come in here, he uh, I think he wants you all to hold him, or somethin’ like that… I didn’t… Really understand…” Henrik nodded and held a hand out, Chase carefully handed the small zombie to the doctor and the zombie giggled at this, he looked at Henrik’s hands and began comparing them to his own, grasping at his fingers and inspecting them… He didn’t like that Henrik’s hands felt a bit rougher than the others, that made him frown a little, however despite the rough feeling… Henrik held him in such a gentle caring manner, his hands were just as warm if not a bit warmer than Chase���s… Henrik was smiling at this and he chuckled “I suppose he has been curious about all these new changes, yes?” Chase nodded “At first he was a lil scared… But uh…” And Chase paused to clear his throat.

“It looks like he’s been interested in random items around the house, he’s been comparing himself to those and our hands a lot… He did it with Jameson’s, Mine, and Jackie’s so far…” Henrik nodded, watching as Robbie gave his hands some paps and played with it as if his hand were some form of toy… “Well… I’m glad he seems to be more curious than frightened… I remember when you got turned tiny, woo boy… Chase, you were just a ball of anxiety” Henrik smiled while Chase grumbled and crossed his arms “It was scary dude… Being that small? Especially around a certain someone…” Chase glared over at Anti who just gave him a menacing smile and he cackled a little "̢̧Hȩh͜.̡́..̷͠ ̷̶Ş͡a̶y ̴͟M̧a҉rv̛in͠͏,̴͘͞ ̧́͟w͜͠h͠y d̵́͡ò̧n̶̵'t͏'̸̛c̡̡h̴̡͞a͢ m̷͠͞a̴͜k̷͟è̷͘ ͜͡Ç͟͠h͢àse ̵tįn̸͜y̶͜ ̸aga͝i͞n̨~̷͞?̡̕͞ ̛͘I̢͟'̨d̸̀ ̵l̢ove̷ ̛͝ta͞͞ m̨e̵s̢͡s͏ à͏r͝oư҉n̕͘d̡̛̕ ̸w̷̸͡ì͟t̵̵h̡ h̷͝i̕͢m̨̀ ̵a̢̛͞g̨͘á͟͜i͘͝n~̶́" Marvin glared at Anti as well “No, the next time… It’ll be YOU I hit with that spell… You disgusting glitch…” Anti chuckled and grinned at that "̴͝Y̶̷̕'̴s̵̛͠ho̷u͡҉͠l̛̀d̨͟ ̛r͏ ̢̛͞é̶͜ ̵͢͟a͢͟ ̴ļ̶̛ ͘͢l̶͢ ̨͢͢y̶̸ t̶̡̛ŗ̸͘y͝ s҉̸o͢͢͝me̛͡t͏͡h̀͟͝in̵̶͝'͢ ̢n̛è͘w͘.̕.̶.̸̕͞ Les͏ţ͢ ͢y̸e̴͜ ͟҉͏ẃa̛҉̵n̡t̢ ̡i҉n̛̕ ҉tŕo͏̨ubl̵̕e ҉̸a̡̛͡ga̶͟i̸͡n͢͝,̸͠ ͘͟hm͘m҉~?"̕ Marvin huffed at that and turned away from Anti, meanwhile Henrik had turned to glare at the pair “Alright… That’s enough you two…” He warned, this made them immediately hush, meanwhile Robbie was giggling and reaching out for Marvin “Mar-Mar…! Maarrr…!” Henrik walked over and let Marvin have the tiny zombie.

Marvin smiled at him “Hello little darling… I’m very sorry Robbie, you weren’t the target of that, I hope you can forgive me…” The zombie giggled “It okaaay…! S-Scaarry at firrrst… Buuut… F-Fun now…!” And then Robbie was messing around with Marvin’s hands, his hands were even softer than Jameson’s! His hands felt much more smooth as well, a little cold but nothing too bad… Marvin smiled as he watched Robbie mess around with his hand and fingers, hugging at them and placing his hand against them “...Oh yes, I should say, the spell will wear off before the night’s out, so he won’t be tiny forever…” Chase nodded, okay that’s relief on his part, on all of their parts really… Anti watched Robbie play with Marvin’s hands for a bit as did the rest of them, the zombie climbing all over them, almost making them all panic when he lost his footing, he quickly corrected himself however and kept crawling around, after Marvin’s hands were inspected Robbie turned toward Anti and pointed “A-Atii… H-Hold…!” He made grabby hands for the other who, for once, actually looked a little nervous "̡͏̨Y'̶w̡a҉n͜͠t̢ ҉̨m̛ ̢͢e̶͞ ̛͜͢t͜o͘͜ ̷̨͞h̢̛ol͏͞d͘͟ ̧͝͝y̸͠a͘͘͡?͘ ̨.̢.̶̴.̕I͞͝-̀͠I҉̕ ̵̧̀d̡̛u͟n̷͠n͏̵o̧͟.҉̀.̡́.͢͢" The glitch looked down at Robbie who kept making grabby hands, he looked like he really wanted Anti to hold him, he even had those puppy dog eyes which made Anti sigh.

"͏͜͏.͢.̷̛.̕͢F̡̀͏i͝n̕ȩ̴.̧͘͝.̧͏.̧̀͞" Marvin was admittedly a bit hesitant to give Robbie to Anti but the zombie was squirming around and he seemed so excited, he reluctantly handed Robbie to Anti who was cupping his hands together and it was such a strange sight… To see Anti so nervous… Only with Robbie had they ever seen such a different side of him… Anti watched as Robbie giggled and papped at his hands, then he grabbed onto a finger and repeated the process as he did with all the others. After that, Anti seemed to relax a little, and he completely forgot there were others around… He let himself smile genuinely as he took a finger and gently started tickling at the zombie, he was being EXTREMELY mindful of his claws as he did so of course, luckily for him, the zombie seemed to squeal with laughter at this, the two had such happy looks on their faces "A̷͘ḩ̸͜.́.͘.͝ Y̨e̛͜͜'̵̛ve͞�� ̸̡alwa̵̢ỳ̷s ̧͞b̢͡ee̸n ̶a ̸͡c̕u͏͜t͏̛e̢'͜͠e̕͘͜n҉ h̴͞ąv͡e͘҉n't'̶̸ch̨͟͠a̕?” Robbie gripped at Anti’s finger after a moment and that made Anti stop, the zombie giggled again “G-Goottt yooouuu…!” Anti was still smiling, he nodded and sat down on the bed "͜͏Ye̛͘p̴..̷.̡!͠ ͝Ỳ̴e̵ ̵g̷̛ot̸ ̀̕͢m̵͘e͘̕͞ a̧lri͜ǵh̢t̡̀.̵͜͟.. ̀͞O҉͟r͢.̵̴.̛͜.͘ ́H̢́҉ a͞ v̢ ̕e y o҉̕ ̀̕͠ú̀͠~͏?" And then Anti let some strings form from his fingertips, they gently grabbed at Robbie.

The other egos flinched upon seeing strings but they remained silent and continued watching in awe… Robbie giggled and squealed as the strings wrapped around him, encasing him like a cocoon actually “Attiii… Goottt meee…!” He was making happy gurgling sounds now, that made the others' nerves ease, when Robbie was REALLY happy, he’d make some gurgling noises and while they didn’t… Sound pleasant to most, to the egos they knew what it was an indicator of… And then Anti manipulated the strings once more, the strings then unwrapped themselves from Robbie’s tiny form and let him rest in Anti’s palm, they dangled in front of Robbie who begun to grab at them, batting at them almost like a cat even at times, and then the strings were helping Robbie up, he kept a hold on them and just like how it happened with Jameson earlier, Robbie began to dance around on Anti’s palm with the strings, the strings curling around his arms and back to give him some extra support, just to ensure he didn’t fall off while moving and spinning around, the two did this dance for awhile, Anti smiling brightly and Robbie giggling all the while.

Eventually Robbie stopped and the strings released him, he sat there on Anti’s palm and watched the strings disappear into thin air, he was always amazed how Anti could do that… Robbie seemed satisfied now with his discoveries and little mental notes about their hands and random objects… Now he wanted to try something a lot more different “Attii… Put me doowwnn… Pleease…” Anti was originally going to hand Robbie to Chase but then Robbie clutched onto his finger “N-Nnnooo…! O-Onnn grrround…” Anti looked toward the others who looked concerned “U-Uh Robbie… I don’t know…” Henrik was the one to speak up and then Chase chimed in “It’ll be kinda dangerous to just… Leave ya down on the floor kiddo…” Robbie pouted “...W-Wann… Go… Jamie room… Myself…” Robbie seemed determined and his mind was set on being put down and going off on his own, the three looked at each other before sighing “...Alright Robbie… We’ll let you do this… But, STRAIGHT to Jameson’s room, understood kiddo?” The zombie’s eyes lit up and he smiled lopsidedly “Mmhmm…! J-Jaaam’s roommm only…!” And then Anti was gently setting Robbie onto the ground, and at first the zombie looked around, seeing all three of them staring at him and woah… It felt even BIGGER now that he was on the ground! He shambled over to Henrik and looked at his shoe for a few seconds.

He inspected his height compared to that before he smiled and seemed to get what he was looking for, it was so fascinating to the zombie how different the perspective was! Now, Robbie had held a tiny person a few times! Some of the other egos got shrunk before! He remembers pretty vividly actually of holding Chase, it felt… Weird to be one that could be held in the palm of someone’s hands, he kind of understood now why Chase and some of the others had been so intimidated but after a while, the intimidation fades! Well at least it did for Robbie! He was so curious and intrigued by everything! He waved goodbye to the three and headed off and out the door, he felt a LOT more slower than what he usually was and seeing how far it was to Jameson’s room made the zombie stop dead in his tracks… ...Oh that was… a LOT farther than what he previously thought but the zombie puffed his chest for a moment and got a determined bold look in his eyes and slowly, very slowly he was off… Heading right toward Jameson’s room way down at the end of the hallway, being a zombie did have its perks, he didn’t get AS tired as easily as regular humans seemed to.

Robbie actually had an idea in mind he wanted to discuss with Jameson in fact, this is the very reason he embarked out on his own, he wanted this discussion to be in private with JJ! He looked up as he was passing by a shelf, it was so large right now, Robbie was tempted to climb up it just to see how well he could manage… But no! The zombie shook his head and looked back down the hallway, he had a mission to do and he was going to do it! ...This might take a while though even still… Meanwhile back in Marvin’s room, Marvin looked at Anti and he was smiling a little “You know… We might not get along in the slightest but… It’s nice to see how close you and Robbie are, that darling boy looks up to you a lot…” Anti scoffed and crossed his arms "̴̨͘T̸̛́e̢͡ļ̷l̨͘ ̡҉a̶̕n͘yb̧̛͜o͟d̨̢͠y͠ a̛bo̴u̢t ͏̨̧w͏̕h͡a̷̸t ͜h̸͠a̢p͞pe̸̕͝ǹ͜e͠d̀ ̶a̛ņ̢d̕ ̴̴͜Ì҉'l͏͞ĺ ̧̨͏g̶u͝t̡̀͜ ̀͜y͜o̷u̷" Marvin rolled his eyes “...Figures as much… ...I solemnly swear I will tell no one” Anti huffed and the two said nothing else to each other, meanwhile Chase and Henrik were… Admittedly both trying to calm each other down, they were very worried over Robbie venturing out all on his own but, they knew if they didn’t let him, he’d just be upset with them, they knew deep down… Robbie had to do this, he WANTED to and he was determined, so they’d just have to hope he made it there safely, sure there really wasn’t anyone else who could be out there right now since Jackie had left but still, anything can happen when you're that small.

Eventually, Robbie had gotten closer and even from where he was he could hear the faint old timey music growing closer and closer… This had taken him a LONG while to get to even just the doorway (but luckily time skips are a thing in stories n such) and finally after what felt like it could have been a LONG few minutes, Robbie had finally made it in the doorway and he saw Jameson messing around with his little booth, he was placing his finger puppets in order and getting everything neatly organized, this was perfect… Robbie shambled in the doorway and over toward JJ, it took him another few minutes but he got there and called out to JJ who quickly turned his attention to the zombie, he mimicked a gasp and gently scooped Robbie into his hands, he then set him down onto the booth and began to sign [ Good golly! Robbie?! How did you get here? And why aren’t the others monitoring you? ] The zombie giggled and smiled brightly “I maade it herre… All by… self… I wannttedd too… Wan… Taalkk abbbout… Stuff…!” JJ raised a brow [ Well what is it little fellow? I’m all ears! ] And then Robbie motioned for Jameson to lean down, the man did so and Robbie slowly began to whisper his ingenious plan to JJ, and it did admittedly take a few moments for the zombie since for one, his voice was already slowed and a bit slurred and two sometimes he just couldn’t think of the right words.

After that Jameson smiled brightly [ Oh Robbie, dear… That’s the bee's knees! Yes, yes, we can do that…! Let’s get everything set up and then I’ll go get the others ] The zombie clapped and giggled excitedly, the two got to work, well… Mostly it was Jameson but Robbie did help out with some things that he could actually carry, after a bit of setting everything up it was perfect! Jameson clapped as did Robbie and then he began to sign [ Everything should be in order now…! Shall I go get the others? ] The zombie eagerly nodded “Mmhmm…!” Jameson helped Robbie behind the curtain and left him on the sill of the booth and then Jameson had stood up and walked out, the zombie was so excited! And a little nervous at the same time, he waited for JJ to return with the others, double checking and making sure everything was in the right order, he looked over everything and it seemed to be just fine and then he heard multiple footsteps, they sounded like they were trying to be quiet as the approached and entered the room.

Robbie carefully peered out from behind the curtains and saw Jameson leading Henrik, Chase, Marvin, Anti and even Jackie! They were ALL here! Robbie didn’t think Jackie would have even showed up since he was busy with the call he got earlier but he definitely wasn’t complaining! Meanwhile Jameson was signing to the other egos [ Gentlemen and Anti… ] He began, noticing Anti only smiled at him, although this wasn’t a friendly smile like the one he gave Robbie, this was more so a menacing one… Either way, Jameson tried to shake it off and continue [ Take your seats, right here in front of the booth please! ] And then Jameson was heading behind said booth, watching as all the egos sat down on the floor, he didn’t have much time to get chairs but also his room wasn’t necessarily big enough, either way, they didn’t seem to care about chairs… [ I am proud to present to you all this evening, Jameson Jackson’s Jolly Jaunts! Featuring a special little zombie we all know and love, Robbie~! ] The egos clapped for a moment before going silent as Jameson ducked behind the booth, and then the curtains were slowly pulled back and the show began…

Jameson pulled out one of the signs he prepared for this and held it up, it read the title of this evening’s show { The Friendly Zombie! } After a few moments of letting the others read it he quickly pulled the sign down and then placed one of his finger puppets on, he held it up so the others could see and began moving it a little, acting as if it were talking and then he put it down to grab another sign, had he been on an actual stage he would have had a better way of doing this but for now, this would have to do… He held up another sign that showed what the puppet had said { Golly! Today sure has been peaceful! I sure do hope nothing s t r a n g e happens! } And then the sign was gone and the puppet was back up there, just pretending to walk around before Robbie shambled onto the stage, gurgling and groaning, looking like an actual stereotypical zombie from a horror movie, Jameson made the puppet place a hand over its mouth for a gasp and then started moving it around MUCH more frantically { Egad! A zombie?! Don’t eat my brains good sir! } Robbie continued gurgling and groaning as he slowly shuffled toward the man, Jameson made the puppet jump before running away.

The zombie stopped dead in his tracks and looked down, sighing a little, Robbie looked very dejected by what just happened, he turned around and shambled back off stage and then Jameson held out another sign { Golly, he sure looked sad didn’t he? You are all probably wondering why that is, well stick around and find out! } There went that sign and Jameson pulled out another puppet, this time a puppet of a lady who was making her way through the booth all gracefully, she looked around and for a moment she looked as though she was about to walk off stage before the sound of a stick crunching could be heard, the woman jumped and looked around frantically before Jameson held another sign up { EEP! W-WHAT WAS THAT?!? } And then that sign went and the woman was shown to be looking around frantically still and then a familiar gurgling sound started, Jameson also must’ve had something that played music as some suspenseful music started playing in the background before finally… Robbie shuffled out from the stage, gurgling and groaning like previously, the woman jumped once again.

Jameson made it look like the puppet was screaming and then held up a sign that literally just said ‘AHH!!!’ on it (not gonna do the fancy font for something simple | Well jokes on you past me the font doesnt even work so R.I.P) As the zombie headed toward her, he looked like he was about to reach out before the puppet’s arm slapped him in the face, JJ was extremely relieved he didn’t accidentally knock Robbie off there… And then he made the lady run away screaming, like the last time the poor zombie had that dejected look and he sighed, once again turning and shambling away off stage, and then out came another sign { After a lot of complaints from people… A devilishly handsome Detective had decided he’d step in and investigate this so called ‘Zombie’ } Down the sign went and next came a puppet that looked a good bit like Jameson himself, walking around and looking for some clues, Jameson made the puppet put a hand to his chin before another sign came out { Now if I were a Zombie… Where would I be…? }

The detective pondered for a moment before he pointed, as if getting an idea, a sign coming out that said ‘Aha!’ before quickly disappearing and then Jameson made the puppet wander and the scene changed into a night background (it’s been a day background in like a London street-esque kinda setting i just forgot to specify that) and then it looked like a graveyard, the music changing into something more spooky to fit the atmosphere… The detective creeped around the graveyard, looking around before seeing a zombie sitting by an open grave, he quickly came over and saw the zombie was crying, Jameson made the detective jump at that, the detective despite being just a puppet was… Surprised…! He didn’t expect to see a crying zombie ever in his life, he walked over and gently patted the zombie on the shoulder who turned around, sniffling a little and wiping at his eyes “G-Gooo… Aawaaayy… I-Im… a mmonstterrr… N-Noooboddyyy l-liikess mee…” A sign came out { Now what makes you say that little fellow? } The zombie sniffled again “...E-Everrryone… rrrann awaaay…” The detective nodded at this and he looked down before another sign appeared { I see… Is that all you wanted all along, was just someone who likes you? A… Friend perhaps? } And the zombie nodded at this.

The detective puppet then looked as if he were laughing, but it wasn’t directed at Robbie { I see! Well then, come on little one, let’s go set the record straight, shall we? } The zombie was confused at this, he was also shocked the detective hadn’t ran away like all the others did, however as the puppet held out its hand, the zombie gently took a hold of it and they walked off stage, and then the background changed back into the streets, Jameson held up his other hand with the lady and man puppets from earlier, they looked to be discussing their incident before the detective came out with the zombie holding his hands, the two puppets jumped and acted like they were screaming before JJ pulled another sign out, he had to be a bit more careful this time with so many puppets and stuff, he was still so anxious he was going to knock Robbie off stage { Eek! It’s the Zombie! Detective! Look out sir! } and then the sign went down and the detective shook his head.

{ There has been a BIG misunderstanding here folks! You see… This Zombie isn’t dangerous, he was just misjudged from the start! He never wanted to hurt anybody! He was merely in search of a friend! } And both the puppets gasped in shock, meanwhile the zombie nodded at this “...Ittss trrruuee… I’m sorry... f-foorrrr frrrightening yoouu…” There was a pause before both puppets came over looking down slightly and moving a bit slowly and then another sign { We’re so sorry Mr. Zombie! We should have given you a chance to speak before judging you like that! } Robbie smiled a little and nodded “Itt… ookaay… R-Robbieee… Underrrstaand… Was scarryy…” The two puppets nodded before the detective looked like he was laughing before turning to the audience as did the other puppets and Robbie himself { Well that clears that mess up! Now I think we should all remember this one folks! The important thing here is to NEVER  judge a book by it’s cover! }

And then the puppets along with Robbie himself took a bow and then a ‘The End’ card popped up behind them this time, the egos started clapping at this, well clapping a bit quietly for Robbie’s sake of course, all of them standing up while doing so, meanwhile the puppets and Robbie continued to bow for a few moments before the curtain closed on them, and then JJ removed the puppets and let the card fall down, he scooped Robbie up into his hands and stood up, the zombie was smiling so VERY brightly, he looked extremely proud of himself and JJ did as well, the others finally quit clapping and Chase was the first to speak up “Duude that was epic...!” Henrik nodded “Yes, that was really wonderful...!” Marvin was the next to chime in “Very entertaining, well done darlings~!” Jackie then pitched in “Like Chase said! That was awesome…!” And finally Anti who was smirking "̧̛Eh̷͘͘, ̀͠n͘o̕t ̷̀̀b̶a̢d͜҉ ̷̶a̷t̴̸̀ ͏a̷l͟͝ĺ̢͡~̴ ̵́N̶̨͜ev̴͘͢e̵ŗ̴͜ ̷̶k͢nę̶w̸̨ ̴͘͜R͟o̡bb͠ie̵̵ c̀ơ̵ul̵̀d͏͢͞ ͞a̴ct͡҉͠ ͘s̴̕o͏̢͘ ̵w͟e̶̡ll~̷̧̧" He cooed, this made the little zombie bounce up and down and giggle, Jameson meanwhile held him with one hand so he could sign with the other [ Well it was Robbie’s idea in the first place! He was a bit nervous with everything but he did so wonderfully! ]

The egos all cooed their praises, both praising Jameson and of course Robbie as well since he was the little mastermind behind all this, and as they were doing so, the zombie’s eyes drooped a little and he started yawning, he stretched out a little and laid down in Jameson’s hands, the other egos seemed to take notice of this, they quieted down a lot more and Chase smiled at this “Looks like he’s finally tuckered out…” Marvin piped up “Indeed, seems the star of the show could use some good rest~” He snapped his fingers and suddenly a bed small enough to fit Robbie appeared, he handed it to Jameson who smiled and gently placed the bed down on his dresser, he then carefully placed Robbie into it and tucked him in, the zombie’s eyes were still open slightly, the old timey music faintly in the background was only making him more drowsy, he yawned again “...R-Robbieee… s-sleepy…” He muttered, rubbing at his eyes before Chase spoke up “Go ahead and get some rest, kiddo…” The others said goodnight to Robbie except for Jameson who signed goodnight obviously and then the zombie slowly closed his eyes, not too long after that he was sound asleep, softly snoring…

It had been a long day and a long adventure for the tiny zombie, that was for certain but... He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a fun one! Robbie would remember and cherish this day for a long time.

(Alrighty that’s it, this came outta nowhere but I had fun writing it, hope y’all like it too! Also god, me? Writing soft Anti? It’s SO fucking r a r e! I write soft Anti so rarely but this was too sweet n cute to ruin ...hes still a bastard but not near as bad were this angst, anyhoo- here y’all go, some fluff for ya!

I figured I’d, kinda write the egos how I used to in a way but this time I’m more so proud and confident in myself, I’m proud of this story and I hope y’all enjoy it as well)

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Those last few scenes alone made that genuinely one of the best episodes of Holby City I have seen in a long time. You could make a valid argument that it’s the best episode from this whole year (any other year I would’ve considered it “good but not particularly great”, but compared to the quality of other episodes this year, tonight was by far so much better). I didn’t catch who wrote it, but whoever it was, they’re incredible.

It was the contrast between the joy and fun when everyone finally arrived at Jeongsoo’s F2 party, with the horrible tragedy of Eli finding out Amelia is ill again. Jeongsoo being sad because he thought his colleagues didn’t care about him, then happy when they did turn up to celebrate with him after all; Eli being overjoyed when he thought Amelia was finally pregnant, only to be devastated when he found out her tumour was back.

Now that was very good, very Holby writing. The contrast between tragedy-turned-joy and joy-turned-tragedy. It was excellent.

Onto discussing the rest of the episode, which was otherwise “decent but forgettable” (seriously, it was the last few scenes that saved the episode for me)...

So. Oliver Valentine’s pride gets in his way once again. He knows he can’t actually carry on as a doctor. Nevermind the effects of his brain injury, he’s also suffering PTSD so bad he’s losing time. And during at least some of this time he’s losing, he’s lashing out. With just the brain injury, it’s realistically quite unlikely to say the least that he’d be a surgeon again, but he could have moved on to some other career. But it’s quite clear now that he’s not mentally well enough to be holding a job at all at the moment, really.

But he won’t let that stop him, even though he knows what a terrible idea all of this is, it seems. He nearly opened up to Henrik about it, but then Henrik proceeded to completely misread the situation and assume Ollie and Maisie had simply had a bad breakup. And Ollie couldn’t bring himself to interrupt and try again to explain what really happened. So here we are.

(As a sidenote, the Holby writers are lucky Henrik is autistic, because with any other character - well, except our other autistic fave, Eli - that would have felt like a bit of a contrived misunderstanding. But Henrik genuinely does struggle that much at reading social situations, so it works with him.)

I feel sorry for both Ollie and Maisie, really. It sounds like Ollie likely isn’t completely lucid during this time he’s losing, and isn’t lashing out on purpose. But that doesn’t erase how horrible and traumatic it was for Maisie when he hit her, either. It’s just a very sad situation for both of them.

However, what I can’t sympathise with is Ollie’s decision to keep trying to pursue a surgical career again when he knows he’s a liability and needs to work on his trauma before anything else. What the hell are you thinking, Ollie. (Having said that, I find Ollie so interesting precisely because he is, frankly, often a rather unsympathetic selfish asshole. So this doesn’t mean I’m not an Ollie fan anymore, if anyone was thinking that. I find him a very good character, but I disapprove of a number of his life choices.)

Also - James Anderson was incredible tonight. Like, he’s been slotting back into the show really easily but tonight was such a standout performance.

Also also, I don’t know if this was intentional, but I liked how Ollie and Maisie wore pretty much the exact same outfit.

Now I shall move on to Amelia and Eli, one of my favourite Holby couples. I just. God. This storyline is so sad and my heart has broken for both of them.

Eli is an incredibly good character. If there’s one thing that makes me sad about Holby ending, it’s that we won’t get more time with him. And Amelia is lovely, too, and Lucy Briggs-Owen plays her very well. She and Davood Ghadami have so much screen chemistry, and the writing makes Eli and Amelia feel even more like a real couple.

So you can imagine how sad I am that Amelia is almost certainly getting fridged. I just want her and Eli to be happy.

Those final scenes with the both of them really stood out. Davood and Lucy both knocked those scenes right out of the park, they were utterly heartbreaking to watch. I just. Eli misreading Amelia’s words and thinking the thing she had to tell him was that she was pregnant... his heartbreak when he realised her tumour was back... it physically hurt to watch, I nearly cried. :( Why can’t Holby just let them both be happy? Why can’t we have one happy couple on this show?

At least Jeongsoo got to be happy tonight. It warmed my heart when everyone turned up to his party after all. He’s just such a friendly and compassionate man and he deserves happiness, ok. Also, it was nice to see Chan Woo Lim being given some proper acting to do, as I feel like Jeongsoo has been sidelined quite a bit compared to Josh since they both arrived.

(Speaking of Josh, he didn’t get many scenes tonight, but the ones he did get made me very sad. It’s sadly realistic that he has to wait so long for any kind of help. :( Trieve Blackwood-Cambridge was incredible, as always.)

Max accidentally inviting Kylie to live with her made me laugh. It’s probably a good thing for Louis that he and Kylie ended up deciding against living with Max anyway... that would’ve led to a lot of awkwardness for him.

Also, not relevant to anything, but is it just me or was Henrik looking great tonight? The outfit they picked for him just really suited him (if you’ll pardon the pun). I loved it.

[henrik-von-schneeplestein]

Crazy To Suppose

Ship: marvelsepticeye, background/established schneeplebro

Summary: Chase and Henrik invite Jackie, Marvin, and Jamie over to celebrate New Year's Eve. The night doesn't go the way Jackie imagined, and the end of his year is far from happy. The beginning of his new year, however, starts looking up.

Warnings: alcohol; not so much a warning but just a note that this story obviously does not take place during covid - don’t go to parties during pandemics!!!

Word Count: 1812

Click here if you’d prefer to read it on AO3 :)

--

Jackie snuggled into his blanket, flicking through channels with the remote Chase had left him with. Jamie was still sitting next to him, but Chase and Henrik had gone upstairs to put the kids to bed and Marvin had wandered off and disappeared. 

It had been a nice evening so far. Dinner was delicious - Jackie had spent more New Year’s Eves than he’d care to admit ordering delivery from overtaxed restaurants and waiting forever for it to arrive. And even aside from the homecooked meal, it felt good just to get out of his apartment on the holiday and end the year chatting, laughing, and watching Chase’s kids try to stay awake until midnight (they didn’t even make it until nine).

He heard footsteps coming back into the room behind him; Chase had said something about watching a movie until it was time to watch the ball drop, and left Jackie in charge of picking. Marvin still wasn’t back, so Jackie pitched the others some options as Chase and Henrik brought out some snacks and made themselves comfortable on their couch. He almost jumped when a voice came from right behind him.

“I’m gonna head out, but thanks again for dinner guys.”

Jackie turned. Marvin, apparently, had been in the bathroom changing into a sparkly gold dress that came to his mid-thigh. He looked glamorous and perfect as always; like a model in a fashion magazine article about New Year’s Eve. It made Jackie understand the saying “dressed to kill;” it was like Marvin was stealing the air right out of his lungs.

Chase was less impressed. “You’re gonna freeze in that.”

Marvin rolled his eyes. He walked back through the kitchen and opened the hall closet without asking, helping himself to one of Henrik’s coats, a long black one that extended down to Marvin’s knees. It was loose on him, so he ignored the buttons and just pulled it around himself. “Does this meet your standard, mother?”

Chase crossed his arms but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll bring it back tomorrow. I’m leaving this here anyway,” Marvin said, dropping a bag that looked to contain the clothes he’d worn earlier in the evening. He fished out a smaller bag, one that matched his outfit, and started putting his shoes on.

“Do you at least have your phone?” Chase asked. “How are you getting home? You don’t have your car.”

“My date’s driving.”

Jackie didn’t know why it hurt so much more than usual. Marvin went out on plenty of dates, and it was never easy, but Jackie had gotten used to telling himself that it was ok, that it wasn’t his business. Being in love with him didn’t give Jackie the right to judge Marvin’s decisions, and just because Marvin never showed any interest in Jackie didn’t mean it was a personal attack when he went out with someone else. But Jackie had thought that they would be together tonight, even if just as friends, and now he had to watch him ride off with someone else. And maybe, when he’d seen Marvin dressed for a party, he’d had the tiniest hope that he was going to ask Jackie to come along.

Headlights appeared outside the window, Marvin waved goodbye and wished them all a happy new year, then left and closed the door behind him while Chase was still in the middle of telling him to be careful. In his absence, there was a five minute intermission for Chase to rant about how inconsiderate he was and how he was going to end up dead in a ditch one of these days, and then they redirected into the movie. Jackie chose a superhero movie, since Marvin wasn’t there to complain about it, but found he only missed the way that Marvin would’ve made fun of it when they ended up watching in almost complete silence.

They caught the last fifteen minutes or so of the live footage in Times Square, and before they knew it they were counting down. When midnight struck, he found himself staring as Chase and Henrik kissed each other, swaying a little as they held each other. They were so happy. Jackie wondered if he’d ever know what that felt like.

He felt a kiss on his cheek and turned to see Jamie smiling at him. He tried to smile back as Chase and Henrik finally separated and turned to hug the two of them. He knew he should enjoy the laughter and friendship, but he was stupid enough to check his phone. Marvin hadn’t texted him.

Chase and Henrik didn’t really have a guest room, what with having five kids, but since Henrik’s kids were with their mother that night, they offered Jamie and Jackie to crash in their empty beds. Jamie accepted and went upstairs with them, but Jackie figured he’d honestly be more comfortable on the couch than in a twin, and besides, he was grateful to have the TV, especially once he was alone. He couldn’t sleep, and it gave him something to distract himself with.

He was zoning out in front of some 90s sitcom he’d never seen when his phone buzzed at around 1 am. It was from Marvin - “hey can you let me in”

What did that mean - it made it sound like Marvin was right outside. Jackie walked towards the front of the house and squinted through the window. He could see something moving. “Jesus,” he muttered. He opened the door and Marvin slipped through. “You’re creepy as shit, you know.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem. What are you doing here?”

“I accidentally left my keys in that bag with the clothes I changed out of.”

“Oh. Is your, uh, date waiting for you?”

“God, no. He was an asshole. I took an Uber; I’ll just crash here tonight.” He took off his coat, revealing a full bottle of wine he’d been hiding under it. “We can have our own party.” He opened the bottle expertly and took a drink directly from it. Then he held it out to Jackie. 

“I don’t know if we should -”

“Oh come on,” Marvin said, giving him That Grin. “You already helped me sneak in, you’re complicit here. Besides, Mommy and Daddy are fast asleep upstairs, they’re not gonna catch us.” He dropped onto the couch, making himself comfortable in the space Jackie had abandoned.

Somehow, Marvin had a way of making it feel like they really were rebellious teenagers breaking all the rules, and the sadness that had hung around Jackie all night suddenly seemed distant, like the two of them had been a part of this secret scheme all along. He accepted the bottle and took a sip.

“Sorry if that guy ruined your night. You want me to beat him up?”

“Nah, not even worth the energy. He tried to do the whole ‘kiss someone else at midnight’ thing to make me jealous. Please. I practically invented that move.” He leaned over for the bag of chips on the coffee table and took a handful. “I mean, the crazy thing is,” he said between bites, “I used to do that with Chase, back when he was fun.” He rolled his eyes.

“What’s up between the two of you, anyway? Why are you at each other’s throats all of a sudden?”

Marvin hesitated. He wouldn’t quite meet Jackie’s eye, staring down at the wine he was swirling restlessly. “He’s mad at me for going out tonight. He thought we should all hang out, make sure you had a fun New Year’s.”

“Me?!”

“Yeah. Just cause, y’know, it’s the first holiday season since Lizzy, and he’s been worried.” That was the last thing Jackie had expected. Lizzy was his ex-girlfriend, but they’d broken up months ago, back in spring, and he’d been the one who ended it. But then again, they’d been together for two years, everyone had been asking when the ring was coming, and she really was great. Maybe he should still be upset, but he hadn’t even really thought about it. That was why he’d broken it off in the first place - he knew it made him a jerk to stay if he had feelings for someone else, and even now, his only real feeling was hope that maybe the reason Marvin hadn’t invited him along tonight was because he couldn’t take him away from a party that was meant to be for him. 

“And I would’ve stayed, it’s just that I already had those plans.”

“It’s all good. Chase is sweet, but I’m really fine.”

“I was stupid to go anyway. Honestly, I knew this guy was a loser I just… I know it’s dumb and it doesn’t really compare to your thing, but ever since Nico I’ve been weird about dating.” Nico was Marvin’s ex. Jackie didn’t like him, obviously, but the other guys didn’t either. He was weird, dark and broody, and they were pretty sure his name was really just Nick. Marvin had stayed with him longer than he’d ever been with anyone else, though. “I know we weren’t together as long and that you guys didn’t like him, but he was always sweet, y’know. And I still wonder if I made a mistake ending it.” He took another long drink. “And it’s like, any time I meet someone too nice it just freaks me out, I don’t know. Like I don’t wanna do that again.”

“That makes sense. I don’t think it means you should go out with assholes, though.”

“No. I think Anti’s snake is getting hungry; I keep stealing its dead rats to put in guys’ mailboxes.”

Jackie laughed. “You’re something else, Marvin.” He grabbed the bottle and took another drink. He didn’t even like wine, it was just nice to share. “You’re gonna figure it out.” He raised the bottle in a toast. “To a year of dating nice people, for both of us.”

“Mm, yeah.” He rested his head on Jackie’s shoulder. Jackie could feel the tickle of his long hair, smell the booze on his breath, and it made his heart beat faster. “That’s the spirit,” he yawned.

“There are beds if you think you’d be more comfy.”

“Nah.” He pulled his legs up under him. “I’m good here if you are.”

“I’m good.” He tried to fix the blanket so it was over both of them, and Marvin’s weight grew heavier against him. 

He was pretty sure Marvin had fallen asleep, so he was surprised when he heard him mumble, “I can’t believe I didn’t get a kiss on New Year’s Eve.”

Jackie leaned over and kissed his forehead. “How ‘bout that?”

Marvin hummed, now so out of it that his voice came out in a muffled breath. “Nice.”

Jackie laughed. “Happy New Year.”

 This time, he didn’t receive a response at all other than deep, steady breathing.

[jageunyeoujari]

‘idea’ & self-knowledge as love as freedom

w thanks to @radiatingdyke​​ & henrik !!

so in a previous post, i talked abt spectacle & respect in criminal for context. now starting off w henrik’s thoughts re: plato:

"It’s honestly pretty ambiguous what Plato means by it- at least in the republic- The core theory is that ideal forms are a truer kind of reality than the shadows. The philosopher escapes a cave of shadows projected on the wall by a ruling class, the only “reality” they ever knew and were literally bound to. They crawl through a treacherous passage to find themselves face to face with the dazzling light of the sun which blinds them temporarily, and as their eyes adjust they find themselves in a forest and realize the shadow puppet of “tree” was not the real tree all along! For what the shadows are: Idk how developed popular media/conventional politics were at the time but we (America) based a lot of our shit on it so I think one strong possibility is we find ourselves in a modern allegory of the cave where the shadows dancing on the wall are the world as it’s told to us- through news education and policy and the “real” is personal experience and genuine community. Then shadows would then be actual reality as we know it, including the real trees and personal experience, a veil placed over us by metaphysical forces which can be lifted through Godwork to reveal the true nature of the inner workings of the universe. The last part of the allegory is that the philosopher returns to the cave to free the other prisoners and spread the light”

so while criminal is the revelation in the toxic cycle of the idol culture & mutual destruction & obsession are confused for love, idea is making the decision to learn what true love & connection is, leaving behind the suffocating expectations demanded by the industry, & in the process, become complete in his humanity.

so we first see taemin in jail, condemning himself for his role in the toxic parasocial relations of idol culture, and literally... calling himself out.... altho i would say that this:

in criminal is purgatory proper, the jail may be the end point of his journey there. he confesses his sins, his soul gets purified, & then next we see him in the bar which is confirmed to be heaven (which happens to look much like lee soo man's office) while the flashy models stare at taemin, the walking dead, the posh people in suits (likely executives) ignore him. 

so here we have taemin trying to fit in seemlessly in this world of the elites who have the highest level of control in the idol industry. here, he is assured his status as the best & now guaranteed to be free of pain... but on their terms. there is shallow comfort but nothing else. the others content w playing games & eating delicacies, surrounded by alcohol, but are contained to sitting, indulging in frivolities, & passively looking on but no chance of connection. the bar is just another form of intoxication, but unlike criminal where there is at least an illusion of attaining love, heaven is merely stagnant. this idealized heaven of the elites cannot give true freedom as it is based on sterility & exclusivity, just another form of social control. "the dangerous dream that swallowed me is proven by you." staying here would be another form of self-betrayal & denial of the love he seeks so he rebels against heaven through his dancing, an affirmation of his life.

taemin then being shocked that all these shadow versions of himself are not the truth... silvery dissolving forms... his identity fragmenting............ but still taemin still can't break away from the illusion that the adoration & fame he receives as an idol could be actually hurting him.

as @radiatingdyke has talked about, BoA's 'killing me' line is reminiscent of korean shamans channeling gods. significant that it is BoA who he channels as they are both similar, debuting at a very young age & have been massive stars ever since then. "you are my messiah" BoA cuts him off, speaking the truth. this isn't who he rly is or what he actually wants. he must face himself & the truth or he will die. 

the mirror steps are i think symbolic of plato's ladder of love. to my understanding, the ladder of love is basically about how the aim of life is the ascension of the soul to heaven. the gods can do this as a god's soul is in perfect balance w all the different aspects of itself which makes them necessarily wise & good. humans' souls are in disarray, however, & it is this conflict between all parts of the soul which makes it difficult for us to follow the gods to heaven. to do this, people have to understand the true Form of beauty, by climbing the ladder of love. the steps start from loving a body which one is attracted to due to physical beauty & by understanding the beauty of this body, one can then consider how the beauty of one body is found in all bodies. the progression goes on from loving more broadly until we come to the last step, love of knowledge & wisdom. now one is able to see the actual form of Beauty, bringing harmony to your soul. so in order to taemin to finally know peace within himself, he has to know how to love.

& the progression of the ladder implies for me that by first learning to care for others but understanding who they are in their completeness & beauty, you eventually are able to learn to care for yourself & see the beauty in your own soul. & on the flip side, the better able you care for yourself, the more you are able to care for others. i'll discuss this more when i go into my thoughts on act 2 as a whole but basically, the rest of act 2 has a truly warm & loving atmosphere when taemin speaks to the other. in comparison, act 1 presents his experience of 'love' as enmeshment, painful, confusing, losing his self of sense to cater to the desires of the other. there are feelings of obligation to stay in this destructive relationship bc that’s his prescribed role & anyway, any attention is better than none at all. 

ppl w a poor sense of self can readily suffer mistreatment for the sake of a semblance of connection, confusing obsession for love when what’s rly happening is actually cathexis, an investment of emotions. while care & affection can exist w cathexis, as does happen in fans’ relations w idols, this is not the same thing as love which liberates & cultivates growth in yourself & the other. fans’ obsession w idols quickly flipping to hate when idols stray from the designated persona of perfection is investment in that image but is not real love. in act 1, he does not understand the other clearly for what it is, destruction that must end, & the fact that he is suffering. without such awareness, he is incapable of truly giving & receiving love. 

& while act 2 does have similar themes of taking on other's pain, it becomes a stark contrast to act 1 bc he does so from a place of utter assurance of his identity & true self-love, not from the fear of being left alone. he loves himself for who he is so he is able to love for ourselves purely as well.

& as @radiatingdyke has said (& in much more detail than i can) the ladder reflecting the sky can also be a reference to indigenous korean beliefs where the sky represents the entire universe. the creator god is Hanulnim, literally sky god.  

 also, even tho NGDA as a whole is replete w western imagery & references & v catholic, the overarching narrative of the 2 albums don't feel western to me in that there never is a fight between good & evil. a typical western narrative would be more like there would the defeat of like 'criminal' taemin by 'good' taemin or an obvious redemption arc. & to me, idea doesn't read so much as he confronts & then accepts both the good & the bad in him but that he leaves behind these limited concepts altogether & instead connects back to the true essence of the universe & becomes free to be utterly himself.

he’s struggled so much over the course of his career w figuring out how to reconcile the duality of himself, what it means to be authentic as an idol, wishing for his true self to be seen & appreciated. it���s always been looking outward for that validation but skirting away from revealing the whole truth of himself... & idea is the final answer to all that. no more denial, repression, burning away of the past, configuration to other ppl’s desires, no more use of mystery as a defense against the fear of being rejected if people see him for who he really is. he accepts himself for who he is & that’s all that matters.

in classic gaytholic taem fashion, he compares himself to jesus + mary + other divinity in NGDA imagery but ultimately, taemin is done w being both a god & the condemned. “i’ve finally opened my eyes.” he’s never been anything but a human being & he’s showing us all the beauty in that.

[narcissasdaffodil]

20 for Lottie x Marisol, cuz i loved their oneshot! 💕💕💕

Thank you so much for the prompt! Recently sad stuff comes more naturally to me, so enjoy this one. This is the same verse as my oneshot.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

Marisol started to make her way upstairs to the roof terrace. She wanted desperately to have some time to herself, to sit with only herself for company.

She heard voices as she passed the bedroom, and ducked into the dressing room. The voices are coming from the roof terrace, and they float downstairs. The dressing room was the perfect vantage point to listen in on conversations from the roof.

“It isn’t worth it! Trying with Marisol that is. I should just focus on Gary, she’s just treating me like a puppet on a string, pulling me along and expecting me to follow her every word. You’re lucky to have Lucas, he’s honest and clear about his feelings for you. I wish Henrik stayed, maybe then I’d have another option.” Lottie snapped, her voice clear as a bell and obviously pissed off. But she’s the one who’s new to a relationship with a girl. Not you, you’ve done this before. Your only proper relationship with a girl was Olivia, and that ruined you, losing a friendship and a girlfriend all at once. How can she be so definite, and not scared of starting something new? You struggle with commitment, Olivia burnt you badly.

“You need to be more patient, Lottie. She isn’t like Lucas, and probably has a reason for struggling so much. Have you even thought of asking her? Of trying to understand her side. Love isn’t supposed to be easy, and when you decided to go down this route, I thought you realised that. If you wanted easy, you’d go for Gary.” Livia explained, trying to placate her a little bit. Lottie on a rampage was something difficult to solve, only Livia ever had any luck with her like this. Maybe you did make a mistake. Maybe being stuck pining for Livia would be far better than whatever this is.

“Oh please. She’s so fickle. And you keep making excuses for her, despite the fact she’s hopped from guy to guy like she’s collecting them or something. Nothing’s worked out at all, maybe because they can’t stand having her psychoanalyse them. I mean, she even tried for Lucas, but he turned her down, politer than she deserved. And you forgave her for that. I don’t get you sometimes.” Marisol could hear the sound of heels from the roof, likely Lottie pacing about. Fickle? It’s not your fault nothing has worked out for you. And you’re stuck in yet another friendship couple, with Bobby. The same person who tried to get Livia interested in him by getting her involved in Operation Nope, and pretended to be offended when she was offended by it. He even tried to get you involved. Maybe he’s also sick of you, you wouldn’t be surprised. The only person you really have is Livia, and she has Lottie for a best friend so you’re only second rate to her too.

Marisol took in a deep breath and fiddled with a loose curl of hair. She could feel tears pricking behind her eyes, what Lottie was saying hurt.

“You’re being too harsh. What if she heard you talking like this about her? I know I’d be considerably pissed. Also I forgave her for Rocco, and the Lucas thing, I wouldn’t take either back also. Both her and Lucas apologised to me about that, Lucas didn’t need to, it wasn’t his fault she liked him. The fact both of them were open and honest about it made me respect them more. It takes guts to be honest about something.” Livia sighed audibly. You chose to put all your love on the wrong person it appears. Maybe you don’t know for sure if Livia would have reciprocated it, but asking her even if she turned you down in the way Lucas did would have worked out well compared to this mess with Lottie. The way she’s treating you is completely wrong, she still keeps coming for you, and everyone else lets her do it. There’s only two people who keep defending you, Livia and Lucas and you don’t understand why Lucas is doing it.

“She’s not the type to eavesdrop. Besides, I don’t really care as I regret wasting my time on her. I know she even voted Henrik out too, after the little bait and switch you had to do to keep Lucas. I don’t blame you for it, but part of me thinks I’d have been better with Henrik. She wouldn’t even have needed to tell you if she hadn’t stabbed you in the back. Not even Priya, after her stunt with Noah, wastes her time with Marisol, and Hope stays clear too. That does say something in my eyes. She’s alone for a reason, not even Bobby likes her and he likes everyone. That’s something you need to realise, how she’s completely bad news.” Lottie laughed, the sound harsh and scratching at Marisol’s ears. Wasting her time on you? That’s not the first time someone has said that, but even Olivia wasn’t so obvious when she gave up on you. Or quite as quick. You did vote Henrik out, but that was in a desperate attempt to keep Rocco, even if your decision might fuck Livia over. Thankfully she saw that coming, and actually understood your reasoning. There’s a reason you prefer your own company, you can’t betray yourself. You must deserve to be alone, it’s far safer that way. Apart from Livia, who likely only pities you.

“Wow. You’ve changed your tune. You’ve gone back to the same you were when Roccogate happened, I did hope you’d grown as a person since then. She hasn’t even hurt you, or done anything to you.” Livia appeared frustrated by her tone alone. Marisol wanted so desperately to just leave the room, but as she tried to get up from her seat at the dressing table, her knees buckled under her weight, which caused her to sit down hard on the chair. Her vision blurred with tears and she removed her glasses, watching the mascara tears drip down her cheeks in the mirror. Lottie’s broke your heart in the blink of an eye, you don’t matter to her one bit.

“Whatever. I’m not going to go over old ground with you yet again. I’ve got over it, so why haven’t you? These shoes are killing me, so I’m going to change them then find Lucas. Don’t follow me.” Livia made her way to the door, the sounds of her heels echoing against the roof.

“But!” Lottie protested.

“But nothing. You tell me that you’re not a bad person, but you turn on people so quickly. You lash out at everyone, apart from me. It appears I haven’t earned a place on your bad list so far. You’re a cruel person, Lottie. Especially in the way you talk about Marisol. I bet you wouldn’t like it if Mari was talking about you that way, yet you easily do it to her.” Livia replied while making her way downstairs. Lottie doesn’t respond to that comment, and the dressing room is silent apart from the sound of heels, and Marisol’s sobs. She is cruel. You can’t love someone like that, who’s casually cruel in the name of being honest. She has it out for you specifically too. It really hurts.

Marisol heard the click of the door, and looked over to see Livia making her way inside.

“Marisol? I didn’t know you were in here. Are you okay?” Livia’s eyes widen at the sight of her, and Marisol feels like she must be quite a mess for Livia to act that way. She stood on shaky legs and wrapped her arms around Livia, unable to speak. She hid her face in the taller girl’s shoulder, and let go her emotions entirely. Her throat has a persistent lump in it, and she can’t speak past it. Livia stroked her hair gently and the simple motion is enough to ground her, to make her feel less awful. She stayed in the same position until she calmed down enough to look at Livia.

“I...I heard both of you talking. I heard it all, I guess I fell for the wrong person, huh? I can’t be with someone who gossips about others like that. I’m absolutely awful though, I get that much. I get why I’ve gone through so many guys here, I’d be sick of me too. I’m no one’s first choice, not even Lottie’s. You’re so lucky to have Lucas, I’m glad you’re happy at least, if I’m not destined for it.” She spoke past the lump in her throat and stared down at her feet. Meeting Livia’s eyes was hard, she didn’t want to be pitied.

Livia caught hold of her chin, turning Marisol’s face to face hers, and making direct eye contact with her, her emerald green eyes piercing into Marisol’s coffee coloured ones. “No. I’m sorry, but that’s a serious load of bullshit. You’re not awful, and I’m not sick of you. Don’t ever let anyone make you doubt your worth. You’re a wonderful person in your own right, you’re gorgeous. You’re also honest, which means I value your opinions. I definitely want you to find someone, you do deserve a genuine relationship. Someone will come along who puts you first, mark my words. And you’ll know when you know. Like me and Lucas.”

“But, how are you sure? Part of me wishes it was you I fell for, that would make a little more sense. And I wasn’t asked on a date, when Lurik came in. So of course I didn’t feel any major liking to either of them. I was the only one too, then adding the Bobby thing and OP Nope, it feels like I’m cursed.”

“Uh, uh. You’re not cursed. I have a feeling you have a reason for your walls being so high, so I’m not going to treat you like Lottie. Not kidding here, if she puts up with her nonsense, then I’m dropping her friendship. Easily too, I’d much prefer to have you for a best friend. This might not help, but if it wasn’t for Lucas, I’d like you too. I understand not having any dates did sting, I get that. But if they don’t see how awesome you are, that’s their problem.” Livia taps her on the nose playfully, causing Marisol to look up at her with wide eyes.

“R...really? You mean that? You’d drop Lottie for me? I can kind of handle being second to Lucas because it’s you. That does mean a lot. Thank you.”

“Really, really. I don’t say stuff I don’t mean. I don’t like bullies. If Lottie persists, then I don’t want her around me, point blank.” Livia wiped her tears gently with a discarded tissue and focused on cleaning up her face a bit. The pressure was gentle and she focused on the feeling of finger tips on her skin.

Marisol tried for a wobbly smile, and just about managed it. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this, but the fact you did means a lot.”

“Of course. Mari, what did you expect me to do, just leave you all upset? I wouldn’t do that, and it sucks that you heard all that. Are you going to give her another chance, or is that it?” Livia let go of her chin and retrieved a pair of heeled boots, sliding them onto her bare feet. She put her flip flops back with her other shoes and turned back to Marisol.

“I don’t know. It should be easy to answer, but I don’t know. I want to give her another chance, but I’ve given so many.” Marisol tapped her hand on the dressing table, unexpectedly nervous. Be careful. Lottie could hurt you again.

[snesdudes]

NEVER LET ME GO

Pairing: Henrik x MC

Prompt: Henrik switched. You didn’t. That wasn’t what he expected, and you don’t understand what happened to turn his head, but you’re gonna find out.

After writing Lucas’, I had to write it as well for our sweet mountain boy. Both of them were out of character when they face MC after switching to Blake, and we all know Henrik would be kicking himself for it.

“I’m just saying you’re more into it than she is.”

A long sigh escaped through Henrik’s lips as Blake’s words settled down on his chest. He had been having some doubts since they got the video message. At least three guys were grafting on you, hard, and the sight of you whispering in the ear of one of them, making him blush hard, made his heart feel heavy. You had that skill with him, as well, a few words were enough to make his cheeks flush red, but he was fool enough to think that was something you only wanted to do to him.

Blake moved a little closer, watching him impatiently, waiting to see the effect of her words. “I shouldn’t tell you anything about the things I saw before getting here…” She muttered, and that did surely get Henrik’s attention. His face turned to her, alarmed.

“What do you mean?”

Henrik got to the Villa planning to flirt with gorgeous girls, chill by the pool, make friends and have a laugh. You certainly caught his eye even before he arrived, but Lucas was quite determined to get you, so he chose to play it cool and get to know the rest of the girls.

Somehow, he always ended up looking at you. He always ended up smiling at you. And his heart hammered so fast when he realized that, every time he looked at you, you were looking at him. Every time he smiled at you, you grinned back.

When you kissed him in the Kiss & Tell challenge, he knew he was screwed. And when you chose him for your date, and coupled up with him that very same day, he felt adrenaline rush through his veins in a way he had never experienced before – and, for him, that was something else.

He thought you were it. What he had been looking for. The big adventure of his life.

That, until he saw that video, his hopes cracking. He was already so low he couldn’t even see the intentions of the woman sitting beside him, thinking she was being a mate and helping him.

“Well…” Blake continued, a manicured hand resting on top of his forearm. “She isn’t set on you. She’s kind of waiting for someone better to show up.”

Henrik blinked. “S-someone better… better than me?”

“She had a conversation with Priya after you coupled up, and she said you were kinda cute, but surely not her endgame.” Blake lied, thankful that Shannon wasn’t around to call her bluff. “Her exact words were ‘he’s gonna be good fun until the right one appears’. I’m sorry to tell you this, babe. But you’re such a nice person, you deserve to know the truth.”

Henrik turned his face away from her as he fought back tears. In a moment where he was thinking straight, he would have realized those words wouldn’t come out of your mouth. But his head was spinning and his heart breaking and that evening you would come back to the Villa with the right one by your side and he would have to watch you with someone else and… and…

“Thank you, Blake… You deserve to stay here.”

 .

The atmosphere was kind of frosty as the boys waited outside the Villa. Shannon and Rahim talked lightheartedly with Noah, Bobby and Gary were not participating. Neither was Henrik, his gazed fixed on the ground as he tried to steady his heartbeat.

“She’s gonna be devastated.” Bobby said, loud enough to make everybody stop talking. “You realize that, right? That you’re gonna walk in there and hurt her?”

It took a moment for Henrik to realize he was talking to him. His jaw dropped slightly.

“Are you serious? She’s so obviously going to switch.” Blake spoke before he could.

“We aren’t talking to you.” Gary cut in, and Henrik’s eyebrows shot up, surprised by his friend’s tone, Blake a little taken aback. “You’ve obviously taken advantage of a bad moment for him.” Gary pointed at Henrik. “I get you want to stay in the Villa. And I don’t know what you’ve done to cause this…”

“But you will regret it.” Bobby continued, Gary nodding along. “Both of you, actually.”

Henrik resumed his former activity of staring a point in the ground. Gary sighed loudly, and Blake squeezed his hand. When did she take his hand?

.

You knew you were fucked when you met Gary’s eyes. The blond was pretty much an open book, and he looked at you as if he couldn’t wait to give you one of his cuddles. He spoke to Chelsea and that didn’t help to make him feel better, but you couldn’t help but grab his wrist and look into your friend’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You squeaked, searching for an answer in his gaze. He didn’t say anything, and Bobby made his entrance.

After talking with Marisol, he gave your shoulder a light squeeze. You already felt like crying. Why would the guys be so worried about you if it weren’t because Henrik had dumped you? You looked at them with panic.

“Whatever happens, we got your back.” Bobby nodded.

“Oh, sugar.” Priya surrounded your shoulders with an arm and squeezed tightly, sensing the same tension. You circled an arm around her waist for support as you looked at the entrance, fighting back tears.

Henrik made his way towards the firepit and saw you standing with another person by your side. He quickly looked away, to the other girls. So, I did the right thing. He cleared his throat to introduce Blake to the group, and when he finished his sentence, his eyes found their way back to you… And saw the person standing by your trembling figure, holding you, was Priya.

What the… No no no no… NO!

Blake left his side to air kiss you on both cheeks and he just stood there, gobsmacked. Everyone was silent, the only noise was Blake’s voice and you soft sniffing. Chelsea chirped in, trying to break away the tension with an unfortunate comment.

“Don’t compare me to her –“ Blake started, but Henrik grabbed her arm and she stopped speaking.

“What’s going on?” He demanded, his voice a little louder than he intended. He cleared his throat. “We… we should talk privately.”

Blake nodded, obviously shocked.

“Is that really everything you’re gonna say?!” The voice was broken, but firm. He turned around to look at you.

You couldn’t believe how this night had gone. You had been so excited to see him again, and now, not only he had switched, but he hadn’t said a word to you yet. Henrik wasn’t cold. He wasn’t insensible, he was open and honest and genuine.

Your gazes locked and he let Blake go, striding towards you, only to be met by a hand pushing against his chest. “Nah.” Lottie was in front of you, blocking him. “You’ve done enough. Talk to your little weather reporter, calm down and then we’ll let you talk with her. She deserves some space after what you’ve done.”

He wanted to tell Lottie to fuck off, but whatever he looked he met judging gazes. They were around you and he couldn’t see you anymore. Only when he looked over Priya’s shoulder he saw your silhouette jogging, far from the firepit already, making your way into the Villa.

 .

You had taken a shower to clear your thoughts and slipped into more comfortable clothes. The warm water had washed away your tears and your sobs couldn’t be heard while you were there. When you stepped out, you felt slightly calmer. You brushed your hair and looked at your reflection in the mirror – you looked exhausted. But the night hadn’t ended yet, even if you were already wearing your #cherrygate pj’s.

You walked out of the bathroom and found Priya and Chelsea waiting for you.

“Hey, you- oonf!” The both of them pulled you into a crashing hug that caught you by surprise.

“Babes! How are you feeling? What do you need? You want some bubbly? Maybe a tea? When I’m sad I always go and get my nails done. You want me to paint your nails? Is that what you want? I can totally do that!”

A giggle left your lips at Chelsea’s blabber and you hugged them back, gratefully. Both of them returned the hug and their hands rubbed your back soothingly.

“I’m fine, girls.” You sighed. “I could do with some bubbly, though.”

Chelsea squealed with delight and they led you to the dressing room, where a bottle of champagne and three glasses were waiting for you. Chelsea served the drinks as the three of you sat down.

“Lottie’s downstairs getting to know the new girls.” Priya explained, knowing it was odd that she wasn’t here to talk shit about Henrik.

“I just don’t understand it.” You murmured, drowning your broken voice in a sip. The bubbles made you feel better. “I thought we had something real, you know? I can’t believe he’s had his head turned in jus a few days. And the way he acted in the firepit…”

“Oh, oh!” Chelsea raised her hand. “I spoke with Gary, I wanted to be ready if we had a girls’ council.”

You stared at her expectantly while she beamed at you. “…and?”

“Oh, right. Well, he said Henrik had been worried since they got the video message, similar to the one we got from them. He seemed low and spent a lot of time by himself, but yesterday he told Rahim he wasn’t going to switch. But this morning Blake took him to the roof terrace to speak and he seemed so upset later. That’s what Gary said. And then at the ceremony he switched! Everyone was shook!”

You frowned, still not understanding. “What does that mean? Did something happen between them that made him change his mind? But then, why was he so upset?”

Priya let out a groan. “Babe, I spoke to Henrik. Well, Henrik spoke to me, actually.”

“What?!”

“I know what happened.”

.

The moment you stepped into the roof terrace, a pair of arms flung around you and hugged you tightly, your face squished against Henrik’s chest strongly, knocking the air out of you.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You have to believe me! It was all a fucked-up, stupid mistake, I am...”

“Can’t… breathe…” You murmured. Henrik took a step away from you, his hands on your shoulders, as you took a deep breath. You looked at his face, and he looked just as exhausted as you did. His hand found your cheek, brushing a strand of hair away, his touch lingering on your skin. “We aren’t really good at this, are we?” You said, your fingertips brushing on the bags under his eyes.

He took your hand in his and led you to sit down.

“I talked to Priya.” He said. “Blake said something, and I…”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t going to switch, but she…”

“I know.”

He frowned. “You do?”

He looked clueless, and terribly cute. You smiled despite the fact that you were still hurt.

“When will you accept that I’m always a step ahead?” The kindness on your voice made him visibly relax. “Priya told me Blake manipulated you to make you think I was playing you. And Chelsea told me you were already feeling bad about the video you guys got. We got a similar one. So, I understand.” Henrik grinned, but you pursed your lips. “Still… You chose to believe a fixed video and a snake who only wanted to get into the Villa. Instead of believing in me and everything we’ve said, all the moments we shared.” Your voice was stern, and his shoulders dropped. “You really believed that I was playing with you? All those times we kissed, the conversations we had, our night in the Hideaway? You really believed all of that was a lie? That I would do that to you?”

There was a moment of silence. Your voice, although harsh, wasn’t trembling anymore and it wasn’t loud. And all throughout your speech, you never let go of his hand, your thumb tracing circles on his skin. He let everything sink in. This was one of the toughest days of his life. And although he was relieved to see you wanted him, and everything Blake said was a lie, he had now to face the fact that, because of his own actions, he might lose you.

You waited patiently for him to speak. His blond hair fell upon both sides of his face, and you could see a crimson hue reaching his cheeks as he stayed silent. He was ashamed.

“You’re right. I should’ve been more confident, and trust you with everything I had. You never gave me a reason to doubt about your feelings or your loyalty. I was just… a bit of a mess while you were away. And everything Blake said suddenly made sense. It’s just… Too good, you know?”

You stared at him with surprise. “What about this is good at all?” You asked, but he shook his head. He let go of your hand and placed both of his at the sides of your face.

“We are just too good. We’ve known each other for like two weeks. And it already feels as one of the best relationships I’ve had? It made sense that I was just seeing what I wanted to see, that I was getting excited over something that wasn’t really as good as it seemed to me. Because when I think about it, really think about it, I can see it doesn’t make any sense to already feel like this.”

You smiled at him sweetly.

“Oh, honey. The thing is, it doesn’t need to make any sense.” You took his hands from your face and intertwined your fingers with his. “I did have a conversation with Priya the morning after we coupled up.” Henrik cocked his head, curious, and he reminded you of a puppy. Your smile grew wider. “I told her I was a bit scared after our night together. We had just met each other a few days before and all my eggs were in your basket… Like you, I wasn’t sure if it was a good signal that I was feeling… so close to you, so early.”

Henrik gulped. “What did Priya say?”

You mimicked Priya’s expressions and accent as you said. “Sugar, let go and enjoy the ride.” You both giggled together, the burden on your chests feeling lighter. “That’s what I’ve been doing.”

“I guess we should’ve talked this out before.”

“Well, we didn’t know about Casa Amor.” You shrugged. You moved closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder, Henrik quickly wrapping an arm around you. You could her chatter around the Villa, voices and some laughs, and for a moment it was as if nothing had happened. “It’s so weird to think you’re coupled up with someone else.”

“Tell me about it.” Henrik groaned, resting his cheek against the top of your head. “We could sleep together on the daybeds.”

“I was thinking about switching her shampoo for depilatory cream, but your idea sounds good too.” You smiled up at him, and he threw his head back in laughter.

When he recovered, he sighed, and looked back at you, only to find you inches away from his face, your sweet breath hitting his lips in a way it always made his heart flip.

“Can I… Can I kiss you?” He whispered, his voice a little hoarse.

“You little dork.” You grinned. “You don’t need to ask. You’re still my one and only.”

Your lips met softly under the moonlight; his brow furrowed as he felt a knot in his throat. He had believed he would never kiss you again, and now he felt your arms around his neck, your tongue brushing against his lips, demanding to deepen the kiss, he felt so lucky it was almost unbearable.

You kissed the tip of his nose, your thumb brushing one of his tears away, murmuring soothing words as your lips met again, melting into each other as he held you close, silently promising to never let you go.  

[drowning-in-dennor]

Lay Your Sleeping Head, My Love

It is a terrible thing to be in love with someone who you will outlive. [Recommended listening: A reading of W.H. Auden’s Lay Your Sleeping Head, My Love or, for those who like music more, a musical cover by Madeline Peyroux.]

  Henrik is so young.

  Perhaps not to some, as they may consider fifty to be plenty old enough. Fifty years, after all, is five whole decades, one half of a century. People tend to think that that is quite a long time.

  But Norway has lived for a thousand years, watched millions upon millions of humans be born and be snatched away from life, either by the hands of others or by the silent killers that are age and illness. Fifty years is a drop in the ocean to him.

  Despite his age, Henrik’s beauty is timeless. It is hard to believe that he, too, is not a nation. His wild mane of golden hair is like the Netherlands’, his piercing blue eyes those of Sweden, his seemingly boundless energy resembling America’s. He seems better suited to be the personification of the Kingdom of Denmark than the current one. The day Norway saw him in Copenhagen, resplendent and radiant in the Royal Theatre, he nearly thought that Denmark himself had a makeover.

  But not now. His untamed hair is splayed across the pillow, tickling Norway’s arm whenever he shifts. His sapphire eyes are glazed over with fever. He has never been so weak.

  He is beautiful anyways.

  Whatever illness is plaguing Henrik has no cure. It will snatch him away soon, stop his heart when he should’ve had twenty, thirty more years. Norway will lose him forever.

  The two of them are curled up in Norway’s bedroom, in a tiny cottage far, far away from the city. He has taken each and every one of his lovers here at least once. On this bed, love has been made before, but today it will be lost. Henrik is clinging on to his arm, trembling with cold despite the heavy quilt over him. From the floor-to-ceiling window on the other side of the room, all is black. The only light comes from a candle, its wick holding a flame as flickering as Henrik’s life.

  They have laid like this before, lazy and love-drunk in each other’s arms. This might be the last time they share a bed. 

  Henrik coughs. His chest spasms. Norway holds him closer and rubs his back soothingly, lips pressed tight to the crown of his head as he shakes. “Easy now,” he murmurs, “take deep breaths.”

  His breath is rattling. Henrik curls into the warmth of his chest. “Water,” he rasps. His loud, robust voice has been reduced to this.

  Norway hands him a glass and holds him steady as he sips from it. “Do you need anything else?”

  “No.” He smiles feebly. Even when weak, he is utterly charming. “Just need you.”

  He settles back in bed, his head resting on Norway’s arm. His eyes flutter closed. His breathing slows. Norway’s mind is left to wander again.

  He has never had a human die beside him - at least, not one of his lovers. They left him far before it was their time, always choosing another mortal partner over one that stayed eerily, eternally young. Henrik is the only one who was loyal - or would “foolish” be a better word? - enough to stay for thirty whole years.

  Some people may speak when they see this middle-aged man holding hands with one who looks not a day over twenty. But the words mortals say are nothing compared to the nations’ silent scrutiny. He isn’t like France, with the lovers he wears through half a decade at a time, but they stare all the same. I’m sorry, England’s eyes say. What a pity, Finland’s sigh. They all know how a relationship with a human will end.

  That is still nothing compared to the heavy, defeated acknowledgement that weighs down on Henrik when he is sad. No, no glare from the nations could hurt Norway as much as seeing Henrik reflect on the fact that yes, after he is gone from this world, not a century will pass before Norway will have forgotten him and found someone else. He is not special.

  And perhaps that will be the case one day, though he can never be sure; not even a nation like him can see the future. But now, all he can focus on is Henrik, trembling beside him. 

  Henrik’s eyes flutter open again. That beautiful blue gaze is dulling. Perhaps he will not last the night. But his grin is very much filled with life. Norway brushes his hair away from his clammy forehead, asking “how do you feel?”

  “Tired. But I’m always tired now.”

  “Does anything hurt?”

  He shakes his head slightly, exhaling with a puff. Even the tiniest movements exhaust him now. “Nothing. I want a kiss, though.”

  Norway obliges him, pressing his lips to Henrik’s and pretending they are just having another night together despite the air of illness and near-death that constantly lingers now. Outside the window, the sun is just beginning to rise. Day will come soon. Henrik nuzzles his neck. “Wish this could last forever,” he mumbles.

  “Hmm?”

  “Just you and me. In bed together. Forever and ever.” He has to stop to catch his breath. The fingers that have been clinging to Norway’s nightshirt since last evening grow weak. 

  For him, it may well be eternal. He kisses Henrik again, square on the lips. To Hell if he catches whatever disease his lover has; he can survive it. His mortality means nothing.

  Birds are calling. Henrik groans in his half-sleeping state. 

  While the night slips away, Norway takes hold of his hand, running his fingers over the thin skin of his hand that is just starting to wrinkle. If only he were not dying.

  The only way to save Henrik from the inevitable grasp of death is to rid him of his humanity entirely. A couple decades ago, during the Second World War, Norway heard tales of England refusing to let a boy he thought his son depart from him, and in a fit of desperation christened him the Principality of Sealand so that he would live.

  He could do that, make Henrik the personification of Narvik, maybe, or Ålesund, or another small place so he could live forever without the stress of the rest of the personified world. But would Henrik want that?

  Sealand, or Peter as he calls himself, hated England after being immortalised, after being doomed to be a child forever. He cursed England for making it so that he’d never grow up, never know how it’d feel to be an adult. What if Henrik hated him the same way?

  They have never once talked about that possibility. Now that Henrik is barely clinging on to life, it might be a good time to. Norway runs his fingers through his hair, waiting for the next time he is coherent.

  Once again, his eyes flutter open. The light in them is almost extinguished. 

  “Does anything hurt?” Norway asks again.

  “No.”

  He sighs. “I wish I could magically cure you.”

  “It’s all right.” Henrik’s hand grows limper, fingers barely brushing his nightshirt. “Even if I - if I die, I’ll be happy.”

  “I could change you.” He can hear the desperation in his own voice. “I could let you personify a village, a small town, something like that. You could stay alive.”

  “No,” Henrik whispers.

  “Why not?”

  “Y-You deserve better.” He coughs, curling up in a ball. “Better... than me.”

  Tears, hot and shameful, blur Norway’s vision for a brief moment. “I’ll never find anyone better than you.”

  The smile that Henrik gives him is feeble, fleeting. It is so unlike his smiles from when he was healthy, grins radiant enough to light up the night sky. “You will.”

  He lets the tears fall. “But - “

  “You make me happy.” His other hand, clutched in Norway’s, twitches. He gently traces his hand with his thumb. “I won’t be happy if - “ he coughs again - “if I change.”

  He finally lets himself cry, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. Henrik’s weak hand stretches out to catch some of his teardrops. “Don’t cry,” he pleads. “Not... not over me.”

  The slowly-brightening sky is almost blinding to him. He wipes his eyes, feeling a cold, hollow emptiness take over him. How idiotic he must look, crying when he is the powerful, undying one.

  Henrik closes his eyes again. Norway forces himself to calm down. If only he were Belarus - harsh, hostile Belarus who despises humankind and refuses to befriend any, let alone love one. If he were like her, he would never have subjected himself to this sorrow over and over again.

  He rests a hand on Henrik’s chest. His heart is beating sluggishly, so weak that Norway can hardly hear it. In a few hours, it will stop altogether.

  How could he have taken those thirty years for granted? How could he have called his greatest love a fool, teased him for his many whims, when every second they spent should’ve been treasured? Are human lovers like this, too, in which they never care for the times they spend with their partners until it is all over? Or are they the logical ones here? Maybe they live every loving moment to the fullest.

  As Henrik lies quivering beside him, Norway thinks of lovers from the times before - Hans and Harald, Oscar and Alfred, Gilbert and Gordon. How easy their love was, in comparison to his! How easy it is to be a man who can only love other men, compared to an immortal cursed to love a human. Better die together than to outlive one’s many loves. Yes, humans with their mayfly years have it easy.

  “Nor?” Henrik is awake again, despite having closed his eyes no more than fifteen minutes ago.

  “Yes, dear?”

  “You should sleep.”

  “No, no.” Norway bends down to press a kiss to his cheek, breathing in his scent beneath the stench of illness. “I have to take care of you.”

  He shifts slightly, laying his head in the crook of his elbow. His fingers entwine with Norway’s. “You have work.” Henrik gasps, choking on his own breath. Once he can breathe again, he continues, “so you need rest. And I want to cuddle you.” He tries to wink.

  He has never been able to deny Henrik anything for long. He slides so that he’s lying down next to his lover and bundles him to his chest. It has always been the other way around, with Henrik squeezing him tight with steady arms. But he will have to be the strong one tonight.

  What did Henrik ever see in him? He does not have Italy’s charisma nor China’s beauty, nor Switzerland’s riches. He is a wisp of a man, awkward at best. He never thought he would attract humans.

  But he did. And the latest one, about to be stolen away like all the others, is in his arms. Norway kisses his forehead, hums a song they both know and love. Henrik laughs, a pained wheezing sound that sounds like he’s choking. He might be. 

  The sun is about to breach the horizon. Henrik’s heart, pumping laboriously against his arm, will not last much longer. His breaths have grown shallower, too. He will die before the day comes. 

  Fighting back tears, he kisses him again. The blanket settles warm and heavy over them. The mattress is soft. Aflame with fever, Henrik is almost too warm in his embrace. His head is buried in Norway’s shoulder; their fingers are still laced together. “Good morning and goodnight, Nor,” he mumbles.

  For Henrik’s sake, he forces himself to smile. “Good morning and goodnight, Henrik.”

  “I love you.”

  I adore you, Norway wants to say. I worship you, I would die for you, I would do anything to see you in good health once more. I live for you and you only. I love you even if I will forget you one day.

  But pretty words are worthless now. He kisses Henrik a third time, right on his chapped lips, and whispers, “I love you too.”

  He closes his eyes, afraid to open them again, for he knows what he will see.

  When Norway awakens, it is noon. The sun is high in the sky, blessing all the world with its golden light. 

  Henrik is still snuggled into his shoulder. The fingers lacing his are cold.

  Norway sits up, slowly easing Henrik down onto the pillows. He brushes his blond locks aside to take a look at him. 

  Henrik’s eyes are closed. He is smiling softly. He looks so young.

[iamvegorott]

Salt of the Sea Ch. 29

Accidental Proposal

“I wonder how Wilford knew not to talk during the Courting,” Anti said to himself as he, Henrik, and Robbie helped untangle some rope with CJ and RJ that Robbie accidentally messed up when playing. A few days had passed since JJ Courted Wilford and the two were still attached to the hip, even more than before it happened. 

“Edward told him,” RJ stated. 

“He what?” Henrik stopped his hands. 

“We heard them talking a few nights ago,” CJ added. 

“Was he not supposed to?” RJ asked.

“He is in so much trouble.” Henrik dropped the rope he was working on and stormed off. 

“I don’t think he was,” CJ answered RJ’s question. 

“You’re not supposed to interfere with a Courting,” Anti said. “You have to let it happen how it happens.” 

“You talk with eyes.” Robbie held his hands up to his face and exaggerated his blinks, getting Anti to laugh while CJ and RJ just shared a look. Henrik kept his strut as he went past Chase and Marvin, who were sitting with Google and Bing.

“Edward’s in trouble,” Marvin commented as he watched Henrik stop in front of Edward and Edward immediately slunked down when Henrik wagged a finger at him. 

“We’ll hear all about it later,” Chase said.

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” Marvin turned his attention back to Google and Bing.

“Would you compare Courting with a marriage proposal?” Google asked again. 

“With what you said marriage is, yeah,” Chase said. 

“I guess Mates would be similar to, what was the word you used?” Marvin snapped his fingers. “Spouses.” 

“That means Wilford’s married?” Bing slowly blinked. “Holy shit.” 

“Is that shocking?” Chase asked.

“Yes.” Bing and Google both said. 

“Wilford’s the kind that comes across as one that wouldn’t settle down,” Google explained when Chase and Marvin looked at them. 

“At least not before we did,” Bing added with a pop of his lips and Google’s cheeks flushed a slight pink. 

“You’re not married?” Chase asked.

“But you’re Mates?” Marvin tilted his head. 

“Dating.” Google clarified. 

“For years,” Bing added with another lip pop. 

“Do you want to get married?” Google asked and Bing went stiff. 

“You are not proposing like that!” Bing started slapping at Google’s arm. 

“Is Google popping the question!?” Wilford called out. “Finally! We can do the wedding tonight, right here!” 

“One night’s notice, that’s a little soon,” Bim said. 

“If we craft fast we can get the proper decorations done.” Yandere said. 

“Wait!” Google shouted. “We’re not getting married!” The silence came quick and it hung in the air. 

“You don’t want to?” Bing asked softly, standing up.  

“That’s…” Google realized what he had said and he got up on a knee and took Bing’s hand. “I have you by my side every day because I chose that. I wake up with you in my bed and it fills me with joy. Your smile brings light to my life and only you could make me forget my worries and act like a kid with no shame. I was a stiff before you, I was hot-headed, easily annoyed, and too prideful to ever admit my mistakes. Nothing could make me happier than calling you, my husband.” 

“Was that…” Bing sniffed. “Was that a proposal?” 

“Yes, you goof.” 

“Googs!” Bing threw himself down and hugged Google. 

“That’s a yes!” Wilford shouted, the others joining in when Bing and Google kissed. 

“So that’s how Humans do it.” Henrik hummed. “No offerings?” 

“Usually there’s a ring,” Edward explained. “The one knee is fairly common when it comes to a proposal.” 

“And all the talking?” 

“We’re a chatty species.” Edward chuckled. 

“You Humans do run your mouths a lot.” Henrik poked at Edward’s cheek. 

“You’re not going to let that go for a while, are you?” Edward caught Henrik’s hand. 

“Not at all.” Henrik chuckled. 

“I’ll live with it.” Edward placed a kiss on Henrik’s hand. 

“I’m not having the wedding without my mama,” Google said to Wilford. 

“There’s still the bachelor party to be had,” Wilford said with a little shimmy. 

“I’m not sure.” Dark crossed his arms.

“Please!” Wilford poured out his lower lip. 

“Fine, but you’re in charge of it.” Dark waved a hand to hide his smile. 

“No problem! Yan, Bim, help me get some stuff!” 

“Aye!” Bim and Yandere happily scrambled over to Wilford.

“We’ll be ready when the sun is down.” 

x~x~x

“Flower?” Yandere asked the Sirens as they climbed back up the ship, making sure they were plenty soaked to last the night. 

“Yeah!” Robbie took the flower and stuck it into his hair. “Cute?”

“Very.” Yandere smiled and handed out flowers to the others. 

Anti nodded his thanks as he took a flower and he made his way over to Dark, who was sitting on one of the many barrels spread out as seats, circling the center of the deck. 

“Hey.” Anti greeted and sat next to him.

“Hey.” Dark greeted back. 

“Come here often?”  

“Just a bit.” Dark and Anti shared a little laugh before Wilford’s voice bellowed from above. 

“Now I know there isn’t much we can do on our ship, but we can dance!” Wilford skipped down the steps. “Thanks to our violinist Bim here.” Wilford gestured to Bim who just smiled before playing the violin on his shoulder. “Dark?” Wilford grinned when the tune started.

“Really?” Dark recognized the song. 

“We have to get it started somehow.” Wilford went to the center of the deck as Dark stood up and joined him. 

“It’s been years.” 

“I know you still remember it.” Wilford bowed. “It’s easy.”

“We’ll see.” Dark bowed right back. 

The two popped back up, smiles on both faces as they held up an arm each, resting them against each other as they spun around each other. They did a quick twirl before switching arms and going the other way. They held each other’s arms and spun more, switching their holds and feet stepping in place as if they belonged there. They moved without thought as if they were meant to do this, like it was breathing. Eventually, they finished and they bowed once more, everyone clapping as they did. 

“It’s been too long since we’ve danced, Dark,” Wilford said. “You should teach Anti that, I think he’d love it.” Wilford gestured at Anti, who was staring in awe. 

“I think he would and so would JJ,” Dark said. 

“I’m glad you’ve finally found someone.”

“You too.” The two shared a hug. 

“I thought we were the ones getting married.” Bing teased. 

“You are!” Wilford laughed and stepped away from Dark. “I have the next dance planned. Yan, would you do the honors?” 

“Of course.” Yandere giggled and went over to Bim, clearing her throat before nodding at him. Bim nodded back and started to play again, a softer, slower tune this time. Yandere took in a deep breath before she started to sing. Bing and Google went to the center of the deck when Wilford and Dark had been and held each other, swaying to the song.

“I can’t tell what she’s saying,” Anti commented as Dark rejoined him. 

“It’s Japanese. I don’t think you guys know it.” Dark said and held a hand out. “Dance with me?” 

“Okay.” Anti took the offered hand and was guided to the edge of the circle, the other couples gathering as well and all moving together. 

Jackie sat on a barrel with Robbie, awkwardly smiling as CJ and RJ grabbed Robbie’s hands and took him to the deck and they all giggled as they rocked in a circle. Jackie just stayed and watched, trying his best to keep his smile. He fought the tears that tried to form in his eyes. Jackie kept repeating to himself that he was fine. There was no reason to be upset. He was fine. 

“Jackie?” Marvin’s voice snapped Jackie from his mantra. “Want to dance with us?” 

“I-I don’t want to intrude.” The crack in Jackie’s voice gave away his feelings. 

“You won’t be, you’re in our Pod now.” Chase took Jackie’s hand while Marvin took the other. 

“Okay.” Jackie blinked and felt a tear fall but he couldn’t tell if it was from sorrow or joy as Chase and Marvin had him rocking like RJ, CJ, and Robbie were. 

He was with a group...but he still felt alone.

--------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: (let me know if you want added or if your name has changed)

@takethepainawaybae @shadowkitten0321 @adverseflyer909 @constantgaycrisis @m0th-goo @rainymae523 @phonenix @vociferous-chaos @batsam19 @bapbee @walking-mess25 @voonespelle @madallice329 @grnpurplgrmln @graveyardlettuce @aoimatsurika @nightwillow18 @the-writing-from-space-world @teenwithaphone​ @a-star-with-a-human-name

[noratilney]

yay! @kendelias okay so i have the broad strokes worked out for mariana in most places and some more detailed stuff for others.

mariana is the third of four children, all girls. she’s considered very smart at mckinley and has an incredibly high gpa but she is the least smart of all her sisters and they all know it. (teresa is studying astrophysics and ofelia is studying civil engineering.) so that’s rough for her. as is the fact that she shares a room with her younger sister antonia who is a genius and the smartest of the bunch.

my face claim for her is herizen guardiola.

mariana’s mom (first name tbd) is an afro-latina lawyer from venezuela and her dad (first name also tbd) is dr garcia, he’s from spain. both of them are jewish and they both came to the states to go to college and have a certain amount of similar cultural background but were also treated quite differently.

i’ve decided that puck’s mom, who does not have a stated job in canon, works for mariana’s dad and so she’s known puck who she and her family all call noah and his little sister (who i have named sadie since she doesn’t have a canon name) most their lives. ms. sandoval likes sadie but thinks puck is a bad influence, dr. garcia treats him like the son he doesn’t have and is more indulgent of him.

mariana is a cheerio but she’s frequently seen out of uniform or wearing either the cheerios top with pants or the skirt with a different shirt, symbolizing her lack of commitment to being on the cheerios. her two true passions are soccer, she is also on the mckinley girls’ soccer team, and theatre. but unlike rachel, she wants to do the non-musical side of theater - shakespeare, oscar wilde, tennessee williams, henrik ibsen, etc.

she auditions for glee club in the pilot as one of the original members after the director of the school play fails to give her a part with even one line. technically this means she is the first cheerio to join although because she often doesn’t wear her cheerio uniform outside of practice and competition, it doesn’t come up until the unholy trinity audition.

oh she’s a freshman in s1 so she’s still in high school in s4.

mariana has a tendency to come across “sjw”-y but most of that is actually related in some way to her multiple identities - black, bisexual, jewish & latina - or experience, her mom is a lawyer and her sister ofelia has epilepsy so she knows a bunch about the americans with disabilities act (ada), such as that not providing artie with accommodations to sectionals in s1 is a violation and could get the school sued. (sorry that plotline just bugs me so much! 😖)

* friendships *: she and puck are friends although maybe it’s more accurate to say they have a familial relationship, mariana will tell him he’s being stupid and call him an ass to his face but she also sticks up for him such as when he fights with finn, even when he’s actually in the wrong.

tina is the first person in glee that she already knows. they’re in the same math class. their friendship is little more downlow/subdued compared to others on this list but long-lasting.

mariana likes brittney a lot, more than santana. they probably hang out the most of the friendships here.

she and santana are not infrequently in agreement but they rub each other the wrong way. the few times they work in tandem shows how dangerous they can be together - for example, in s3e12 “the spanish teacher”, mariana is completely in agreement with santana, she also files a complaint about mr. schue, dances with david martinez, and when santana says, “because they don’t know any better,” mariana chimes in, “she’s right!” and then mr schue says, “it was you! you filed the complaint about me.” mariana: “we both did.” (can you tell i just rewatched that ep recently? 😛) (mariana takes either french or italian at mckinley since she has no need to take a spanish class.)

she doesn’t like finn, like at all. and while she’s not as mean or aggressive about it as santana, she’s also very clear about how she feels.

mariana also finds rachel annoying.

artie, kurt and blaine she likes some of the time.

she likes sam and mercedes (and probably shipped them too lol) and rory but she’s not so close with them.

i don’t know where she stands on the newer kids since i haven’t gotten there in my rewatch.

she and emma have a super sweet inter-generational friendship and mariana’s often in her office hanging out and chatting.

(one time sue walks by and sees her there and comes in and asks what she’s doing in there (probably insulting emma in some way) and mariana looks up at her and just deadpans, “i have a lot of problems.”)

she definitely thinks emma is too good for mr. schue but she wants her to be happy.

* relationships *: mariana first dates matt, who stays on the show. i don’t have why they break up worked out but it’s definitely awkward between them for awhile. they eventually manage to become friends and are very sweet ones to each other.

she and quinn are a thing um at some point after quinn has her baby but mariana’s insistence that they make it official, not even public but like not just a hookup, complicates things for them and then they sort of fizzle out as quinn becomes obsessed with getting beth back and mariana doesn’t fit into that ‘happy families’ picture. they do hook up again at mr. schue’s wedding in s4 in place of quinn and santana.

mariana is interested in sunshine and there seems like there might be something between them. she’s furious with rachel for sending her to a crackhouse. they try to make it work for awhile while sunshine is at carmel high but eventually they call it quits because making a long-distance relationship work is hard even when you’re not a sophomore in high school.

my endgame for her is with mike chang loml, but i don’t have all the details worked out since i don’t know how things go for after graduation yet. (since i know you have billie endgamed with mike, in our crossover, mariana and quinn can get together properly and be endgame. ☺️) she always thought he was smart and nice and a very talented dancer. mariana thought he was a great boyfriend to tina and although she listened and was sympathetic and made the appropriate sympathetic responses to tina’s complaints, mariana always thought she would have been happy to have someone treat her the way he did tina.

edited to add: i think mariana hung out with mike and tina sometimes while they were dating (some of which was fun and some of which was awkward thirdwheeling) and mike and brittney sometimes but never just her and mike until after high school.

[asherranceoftheheart]

A Fateful Encounter

Character/s: Chase Brody, Cat!Antisepticeye, Brief Appearance of Henrik Von Schneeplestein Warning/s: Soft!Anti, VERY brief mention of animal cruelty (it’s just one short paragraph) Genre/s: Fluff (Archive of Our Own Edition) Note: Shoutout to @beerecordings for giving me the inspiration and prompt to write this little monster

The very first time Chase met his little king, he could’ve sworn it had been fate.

It had been admittedly a shitty day for him. His ex-wife didn’t want to talk to him or give him time with their kids unless he pulled his shit together. He was having a hard time managing his and Jack’s channel after Jack fell into a coma after an accident. The other’s disappointment in him for drinking again yesterday got too suffocating so he just had to go out and get some fresh air.

But life seemed to be against him enjoying anything and it was suddenly raining even though the weather forecast didn’t say anything about rain coming soon so he didn’t bother bringing an umbrella. Thankfully he was wearing a hoodie jacket so even though he’s going to be soaked when he gets home, he’ll have something over his head at least.

He had been walking back home when he passed by a dark alleyway that had him pausing.

Chase looked into the path as he strained his ears through the sounds of rain for the thing that caught his attention.

...ew… Meow!

There!

He jogged deeper into the alley and looked around until his eyes caught sight of the wet, broken box that was shaking as if something was trying to get it off. He crouched over the thing and carefully peeled off the top and flinched at the sharp scent of copper.

HISS!

There was a pair of green cat eyes glaring venomously at him. There was a black cat with scraggly fur weakly squirming within the box. Chase inhaled sharply when he saw the bleeding cut on the cat’s throat that was staining the box’s floor crimson. What kind of sick fuck—!

“I can’t leave you here,” Chase said out loud, his heart was already made up. “I just can’t.”

His mind worked quickly as he took off his jacket and carefully placed it under the hissing cat’s body. The poor thing lost so much blood that it couldn’t even do anything against him save for hissing and snarling threateningly. He shushed it gently, idly patting the cat on his side as a comfort before making a victorious sound when he could finally bundle the jacket around the weakly squirming cat. He swaddled the now quiet cat who was staring at him with wary eyes.

Chase stood up, carrying the cat in his arms as he rushed out of the alleyway.

“Stay strong, kitty! I promise you’ll be alright!”

 0-0-0-0-0-0

“Mister Brody?” Chase looked up from his phone and saw one of the vet nurses standing in front of him. “Doctor Shane would like to see you now.”

“Is it okay?” He anxiously asked the lady who smiled kindly at him as he stood up from his seat.

“He is alright now. The doctor can tell you more when you meet him.” Chase gave the nurse his thanks and followed the directions she gave him to the office of the doctor.

He stood in front of the room with the name ‘Dr. Shane Walker’ and gave the door a polite knock. Chase heard a muffled ‘Come in’ from inside the room and turned the doorknob before pushing it open.

The cat was sleeping on a cat bed, warmly cuddled up to a cat blanket. His neck was wrapped with a roll of bandage and he has one of those cones around his neck to keep him from moving it.

Chase approached the cat and couldn’t help but scratch the spot behind one of his ears and smiled when he started making an oddly scratchy rumbly purr.

“That one put up quite a fight before he went down with a sedative,” the vet sighed as he cleaned his tools in the nearby sink. “Thankfully, we have a matching blood bank for the transfusion and you managed to get him here right in the nick of the time. If it had been any later, I fear he would’ve lost too much blood.”

He was thankful too that there was a nearby open veterinary clinic from where he found the injured cat. He was just glad that he didn’t fuck this up for the poor thing.

“So what’s the verdict, Doc?” Chase asked the vet who scratched his chin in thought.

“Well… I’m keeping an eye on the infections from the cuts that he suffered, especially the one on his throat. It miraculously didn’t sever his vocal chords but it was certainly damaged. It will heal but he will have a croaky voice for the rest of his life. He’s really skinny so a proper diet will also be needed. You said you found him in an alleyway nearby?” Chase nodded at the question and the vet continued, “If I may ask… do you intend to adopt him?”

Chase flinched and looked at Dr. Shane with wide eyes. He did not expect to be put into this situation and the doctor must have noticed it because he took pity on him.

“It’s a big responsibility to adopt someone with a heavy past like him so I can understand if you don’t want to,” Shane smiled at the stunned man who finally recovered his voice.

He raised his hand and waved it back and forth in a pacifying manner.

“W-Wait, I didn’t mean to say no—I mean, I don’t know I’ve just got a lot going on and I don’t think I’d be a great, attentive owne—” Chase was cut off by the feeling of something soft rubbing against his fingers. He looked down and held his breath in when the cat was unconsciously rubbing its head against his hand. “Oh.”

Shane hid a smile at the lovestruck gleam that glazed over the man’s eyes. While there was still uncertainty and doubt in the young man’s body language, there’s no doubting the softness and melting of his heart that was going on right now. He liked to think that he was a great judge of character. Being around animals for nearly 24/7 can teach someone how to pick up the cues that animals could read on a person’s personality. Mister Brody seems to be going through a lot with the weary slump of his shoulders and the dark bags under his eyes. Shane couldn’t help but think that the kind man would be a great fit for his new sharp patient.

“You could come and visit him everyday until he gets better since you’re paying for everything after all,” Shane offered a chance for the man who was now scratching the sleeping cat’s head once more. “It would help you get to know each other and give you some time to think it over.”

“... Yeah… Yeah, that’d be great,” Chase gave the older man a small smile. “Thanks doc.”

“No problem. It’s my job to help my little patients after all.”

0-0-0-0-0-0

Tired but curious blue eyes stared into narrowed green ones as the duo held an intense staring contest with each other. Chase slowly blinked and hid a smile when the black cat hissed at him and snobbily turned his back at the man, a wordless ‘Fuck off’ if it ever meant anything.

It was already a massive improvement compared to the snarls and attempts of clawing his face off that was in the beginning. Chase didn’t know why but he felt like he had to keep being more patient to get this cat’s trust.

He already got a lot of bandages on his hand from when he was far too slow in drawing back when the cat reared up to attack him. But with the guidance of the vet and the nurses, he was slowly able to come nearer the injured furry void. He could sit a few inches close to the cat now even if he’d turn his butt up at him and ignored him. Doctor Shane said that it was a sign that the cat was beginning to lower his guard now that he knew that regardless of how much he lashed out, Chase would still patiently wait for him to come close of his own will.

“Are you going to adopt him? I don’t want to pressure you but… that one’s starting to get to know you and it might just break his trust if you just left him…” Shane asked Chase while he watched the man sit beside the black cat who was unconsciously coming closer against his body heat.

It was a painful chore to get the cat inside a cat carrier so they just left him his own little space to roam around in. Thankfully, he was a rather disciplined cat so long as you don’t attempt to put him in an enclosed space or touch him far too long. They had to learn how to slowly lure him into his temporary space with food and a bunch of toys.

“I— Yeah, I think I want to,” Chase admitted as he looked down at the black cat who was now a bit more relaxed despite his close proximity. He still doesn’t dare to touch that shiny fur. “I keep thinking about him when I get home and I asked one of my doctor friends if it’d be a good idea…”

He had pulled Henrik away from the others after he gained the idea of adopting the cat engraved into his mind. He knew that he was already considering it since he kept wondering how it would feel to have that black bundle of fur roaming around his house, and already worrying his head off just like he does with his kids if the cat was doing fine. It was why he kept visiting every single day to the point that the cat would be staring right at the door knowing just when he would arrive.

“Are you sure you are ready for that kind of responsibility?” Henrik asked Chase, an intent gaze on his face.

The doctor has to admit that Chase was looking better than he had been a week ago. Most of the black bags under his eyes were mostly gone since he was sleeping at a more reasonable time so that he could wake up early and be at the vet’s office right in schedule. Since he was interacting with people, Chase found the energy to clean himself up and look a little bit more alert than before.

“A pet is a big responsibility and you cannot just pass it off when you are experiencing a depressive episode. We could help you but I cannot in good mind advise you to keep one if you are just going to depend on us to fully take care of it.” The doctor cautioned the other man, he wanted to know if Chase truly wanted this.

“I know, Hen. I understand but… There’s just something different about that cat and I feel like he needs me like I need him and if I left him behind how would I be any better than the sick bastards that hurt him?” Chase rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “You said that it would be good for me to have a routine that I should follow and taking care of a cat would make me have one since I have to keep to a strict feeding schedule since that one needs a bunch of medicine that’s dependent on schedule. I just…”

Henrik huffed, the sharp glint in his eyes softening at his friend’s self-frustration. Seriously… Chase is sometimes just too hard on himself.

He patted Chase’s back and smiled at the man when he looked back at him.

“I think you have already made up your mind, my friend.” Henrik teased.

Chase snorted.

“You don’t get it Schneep… Even though he’s cranky and almost always angry, that little goblin’s far too cute for me to not adopt…”

“He’s not gonna be an easy one to care for,” Doctor Shane pointed out.

Chase looked down at the cat who was now pressed against his side and looking up at him with those far too intelligent for a normal cat’s green eyes. He smiled, his eyes brightening up like sunshine in a way it hasn’t been lit up for a long time.

“That makes two of us.” He chuckled.

A hand gently reached out to scratch the cat’s head. The cat only relaxed under his hand and went back to his nap.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Chase pushed open the door to his house and entered into the main hallway. He closed the door behind him and carefully placed the cat carrier down to the floor.

“Hey little guy, we’re home.” Chase smiled at the pair of green eyes that were watching him from within the carrier.

He unlatched the lock on the cage’s gate and opened it up. A black paw cautiously tapped out into the strange, new territory with new sounds and smells. Chase sat down on the floor as he waited for the cat to slowly come out until he was standing right in front of him. He held out a hand for the suspicious cat who sniffed it before he began rubbing his head against his hand as a demand for a petting session. 

The man began scratching the spot behind the cat’s ears with a fond smile as he began to purr loudly in that scratchy voice of his.

“Welcome home… Anti.”

 0-0-0-0-0-0

Chase pleasantly woke up from the happy dreams of Anti’s adoption by the feeling of something heavy perching on top of his lungs. He blearily opened his eyes to be met by an extremely close up view of the cat’s sniffing nose.

“Mrowr!” Anti screamed in his face.

He wheezed and groaned even as he reached up to pet the cat’s entire body.

“Good morning to you too, Your Majesty.” Chase deadpanned, giving his smug cat an unimpressed look when he started kneading his claws into his chest in a not so silent demand for him to hurry up and feed him. “I guess it’s time for your royal breakfast and that’s why you have to wake up your poor pitiful servant.”

Anti meowed and stretched himself out on his body before rubbing his head under his chin.

“Yeah, yeah… Get off you cute acting little bastard,” Chase could only ever say that with complete fondness for the brat.

As he forced himself out of his bed to feed the demanding King’s orders, Chase thought that if his and Anti’s meetings were already written in Fate’s book, he would find it in himself to thank whatever god was listening to him up there. Since after all… No matter how bratty and feral his little King was, he was the main reason why he could honestly say now that he was fine and happy.

[laureviewer]

Dragons Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age—A Review

WARNING: (not full) spoilers below.

‘We did it darliiiings!’

That’s what I cried, a-la the Great Sylvando, once I finished this game. 112 hours in, and all the way through it showed no signs of slowing. Which, for a shameless JRPG-lover like myself, is exactly what I want in a game. Hours and hours of combat, exploration through stunning scenery, empathetic and deep characters and, most importantly, a completely immersive and entertaining story that I can’t wait to see the climax—but, crucially, I can.

The Chosen One

The story begins in Erdrea, where monsters have invaded the fantastical world—why, we’re not quite sure. All we know, as the infant protagonist, is that we are found washed up on the riverbank by a kindly old man named Chalky, who takes us to his village and gives us to our adoptive mother, Amber.

And, guess what? He’s the Chosen One—the Luminary. You’d have thought our hero would have realised something was different about him with the presence of a very specific birthmark tattooed on the back of his hand, but he and his childhood friend Gemma do come from a sheltered town with very little knowledge of the outside world, after all. True to form for a lot of adventure games, he’s the only one who can save the world. After finding this out in a coming-of-age ceremony a few years later, Amber tells him to go to King Carnelian of Heliodor, who is sure to help him understand what all this means. Right?

If our silent protagonist could talk, this is where he would be screaming, ‘I’m not the Darkspawn!’ as King Carnelian throws him in the dungeon. But thank Yggdrasil he did, or we wouldn’t meet our first companion in our band of loveable misfits.

The Power of Friendship

I’m still unsure why, after so many hours of gameplay, why Erik endears himself the most to me, but he does. Sure, he’s the first one you meet, and you team up to escape the dungeon (running from a giant dragon along the way!), but he’s also a dishonest thief. Throughout the game, you never quite know if he’s in it for himself or to help you save the world. I’ve concluded that he’s actually doing it for you, and your budding bromance…or, at least, that’s my own head cannon. He’s misunderstood. His cutting sarcasm is welcome in a story of overly keen optimists (see: Sylvando). And he’s who the hero seems to look at whenever there’s a sweet, sentimental moment in the story, cementing their true friendship.

Or, maybe it’s because Akira Toriyama drew these characters, and his colourful hair and spunky attitude remind me of my childhood DBZ crush, Trunks. Either way, I’m Team Erik, with his knife-wielding, quick-thinking style of fighting, all the way. My only gripe is that his damage wasn’t that great for me until endgame, unfortunately.

Even though we don’t meet Sylvando until later, it seems that my mind demands he be the next to discuss—much like Sylvando demands much of the attention within the game. We first meet him at the circus, where he is a beloved performer. His quest is to make the people of the world smile—a noble endeavour in a world where the Dark One is coming to rid the world of happiness for good. He is the absolute epitome of flamboyance: he calls your band of companions ‘darlings’; he has a half-naked ship captain with bulging muscles and a pink face mask called Dave, of all things; and he even leads a peacock-feathered parade at a certain point in the game, which the hero must cheerily join in, feathers and sassy sway absolutely necessary.

And yet, he doesn’t simply function as comic relief. He is brave, charming, sympathetic, and quite often the heart of the group. He is always the one to ask if a character is okay, or if they need help, and has conviction that only Henrik, our resident knight in shining armour, would rival. Plus, he’s fantastic with a whip (because of course he is) and has some fabulous healing moves that have saved me more than once in a tough fight. The group would be nothing without Sylvando—and he absolutely knows it!

Veronica & Serena serve as our other characters who are bound by destiny. They are Keepers, born to protect aid the Luminary on his quest. As twins, you’d expect them to look the same…but, after an encounter with monsters, Veronica was turned into a child, and is stuck that way. As an offensive mage who hates being treated like a child, she serves as the brash one of the group, quick to anger, much like her fiery spells.

Serena, on the other hand, serves as the yin to Veronica’s yang. She is temperate and always willing to help, if somewhat hapless. The primary healer of the group, she excels in restorative and defensive magic, and has a harp to while away the less hopeful days. As a pair, these two are steadfast, loyal, and…to be honest, aren’t much more interesting than that, unless Veronica is being goaded into an argument.

Until the later game, anyway. I won’t spoil that here, but will just say I underestimated both their spell casting abilities and their importance in the story. 

You know how the hero is the Chosen One, the Luminary and the absolute saviour of the world? Well, he also happens to be a Prince of Dundrasil. Had the fates been kinder, he might have been brought up in a huge castle, with loving royal family around to raise and guide him.

Rab, a fierce, playful and wise old man (with a banging Scottish accent) is ready to heal, attack with offensive magic, and guide our hero around the expansive world. And, as we find out after defeating him and his sexy companion in a battle competition in Octagonia (see: Jade), he is also grandfather to our hero, and thus a Lord of Dundrasil himself. He may seem old, but not only does he have royal blood, but he is a capable spell-caster and martial artist, making it apparent that he is one of the most capable companions in the game. If I were to ask anyone for advice, knowing that he would neither mince his words nor omit anything important, I would go to Rab.

You know what any game directed at kids needs? That’s right, a sexy warrior princess that you can stick in a bunny costume for most of the game. Even if you choose not to do that, her combat outfit doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

Thankfully, Jade isn’t just eye-candy. She has far more going for her. She’s a Princess of Heliodor, the hero’s childhood companion who lost him as a baby. She just wants to find him, her younger brother figure (sadly), and help him fulfil his destiny. Plus, as a battle and spear fighter, she has some of the strongest moves in the game—albeit mostly from her sexy, love-based moves such as ‘Hip Thrust’ and ‘Sexy Beam’, only comparable with Sylvando’s equally as sexy and flamboyant ‘Lashings of Love’ and ‘That’s Amore’ moves. She’s a badass bitch who takes no crap from lovestruck men or monsters.

Though, she has her very own Princess Leia moment, where she is captured by a horrific, giant, evil and ugly monster and made to wear a sexy outfit (hey, there’s that bunny girl outfit again). It is heavily implied she has been under his mind control, and that he’s been having his ‘wicked way’ with her. Good thing she comes out of it with sexy vampire powers, isn’t it?

HEAVY SPOILERS NOW. I warn you, don’t go any further if you care about that kind of thing.

Our final companion is one who doesn’t show up until late game. Sir Henrik, a Knight of Heliodor, is the hero we all need. He defends his ruler to the last (which, spoiler alert, nearly ended up being his fatal flaw), is willing to sacrifice himself for the good of all, and defends the weak: a true knight, with chivalry, bravery, and total care for all others. It’s a shame he hated the hero for the first half of the game, really.

But do I care about that? No, I care that his greatsword abilities make him an absolute tank. On a one-on-one fight, I needed him front and centre of every battle just for his incredible damage output. Against multiple enemies, he is less useful, but with his supplementary healing and defence skills, he isn’t just an attacker, but a true defender of the people to the last.  

Calm it with the Combat

My god, this game has a lot of battles. While that’s expected for a turn-based JRPG, and there were a lot, unlike others such as Pokémon, you can choose which battles to avoid as the figures traverse the overworld. This is useful in such a slow-burning game, and also helps you find the monsters you want—again, a definite improvement on the way Pokémon works, as it saves you having to fight hundreds of creatures you don’t want to find the ones with the best EXP.

A notable exception to this is when you have to find and defeat a rare monster for a quest, which don’t traverse the overworld. This means you have to fight potentially hundreds of more common monsters to find the one you want, which can be frustrating, especially as it is all done on chance and not on how many you have defeated. While you can increase your chances with various items or equipment, it still adds a frustrating amount of time to an already long game.

Another vague annoyance is how much harder the game gets post-game. I actually did not have an issue with this, as a friend told me how to farm the elusive and high-EXP metal slimes using a particular Hero-Erik-Jade Pep Power and so I could use this ability throughout post-game. However, for those not in the know, the potentially grinding at the end of the game may put some people off finishing an already saturated game.

What I loved about the combat was how it kept getting harder and harder. I never worried about over-levelling (as said above, I was more worried about being under levelled) and that meant I could do what I do best: do all side-quests before the end of the main story. In other JRPGs, the completionist in me has always made me want to do all side-quests, but this has meant the final boss has been underwhelming and easier than it should be.

The variation of powers and attacks was also really interesting. You can spec into different forms of fighting for each character—I went for Swords with the hero, Whips for Sylvando, Boomerangs with Erik (after using Daggers for most of the game), Heavy Wands for Rab and Veronica, Wands for Serena, Spears for Jade, and Greatswords for Henrik—and this makes all the combinations of them in the party very cool. I normally just controlled the hero during the fights and let the others fight wisely, unless there was a specific quest to fulfil or a particularly hard boss. Not only did this speed up combat, but it also helped me to learn which of their moves were the most effective against which monsters automatically and quickly, which was easier than picking moves and trying them out myself. It’s easy, with enough gold, to respec if you like, and this I’m sure could make the game fee different every time if you wanted to play with different specs.

Pep powers were also a lot of fun. While it was sometimes annoying waiting for some or all of the characters to pep up and therefore use these moves that combine different characters’ moves for ‘Ultimate’ attacks, they provided fun cutscenes and made the battles more interesting. Plus, they reminded me a lot of DBZ moves, especially the epic ones with the hero and Rab!

Top tip: you can swap out characters and they will keep their pepped-up status. I wish I’d known about that a lot earlier!

The monster designs are great, as per usual Akira Toriyama style. There are lots of different kinds, from slimes, to mechs, to really weird ones like the kissy lip monster and the Bongo Drongos. The bosses are also amazing. Just all the character designs, from human to monster, to anything else. I see a lot of DBZ in all of them, which is fantastic.

You know what? Here’s some pictures. You’re welcome.

Mini Games & Challenges: Hey, I actually want to do these!

I often have issues with mini games, as sometimes they are so different from the main game that I just don’t want to spend time playing them. Gwent in another of my favourite games, The Witcher 3 is a good example: I never really learnt the rules, which I’m sure would have helped, but it was so detached from the main game I just didn’t care. Plus, it had no effect on the story or game at large, so what was the point?

In DQ11, sure, you don’t need to rack up 500,000 casino tokens in poker or the slots to buy better gear. You don’t have to finish first in all five Gallopolis horse races. Forging items isn’t totally needed to advance the game. It’s not necessary to win all five rounds of the Wheel of Harma in a certain number of moves (though this is much more like the rest of the game than the other mini games). But I did all of these, and it was great fun. It’s what’s helped make the game such a time suck (especially the casino) but I never felt like they were a chore.

Apart from the crossbow bullseyes. I did none of them as apparently I only noticed about three out of however many there are. They can suck my Sword of Light.  

 What’s a good JRPG without me questioning the point of life after it’s over?

JRPGs do it best—fight me.

The story of DQ11 is immersive, interesting, intricate and, at times, incredibly heart-breaking. Following the hero and his friends for over 100 hours really means you get to dive into their adventure, and more so, their relationships. You truly believe why they have chosen to follow each other into danger, to protect each other as well as the world. Sure, he’s the Luminary, so Serena & Veronica, the Luminary’s guides, at least have a reason to follow him to the end. The fact he’s the Luminary at may mean the characters have more faith in him than they would anyone else without lightning powers. But, even without that, you get the impression that they trust him for his innocent and yet resolute determination to do the right thing, whatever the cost.

The NPCs in the game also provide variety and are a lot of fun. There’s a lovesick mermaid, a brilliantly incompetent prince, two brothers in Laguna di Gondolia who are trying to sell the same things to you for different prices, and Silvando’s Smile Brigade, to name just a few. Their backstories, personalities and current stories all bring life to a game already chock full of it, and makes even simple fetch quests interesting and well worth doing, if you value a good story like I do. These little touches explain why the game clocks in at well over 100+ hours, but at the same time gives true justification to why that is. It’s the difference between a boring game, and one I loved to turn on and just relax of an evening. I might not have done all that much in three hours, but I still enjoyed every minute.

With everything considered, I will remember DQ11 fondly as one of my favourite JRPGs to date. The storyline, characters, combat and score are all fantastic and makes me wish I played the older games. Thank you, Dragon Quest, for giving me 112 hours of fun.