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dough09 · 4 months ago

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Am I doing the wrong thing?

Hi everyone. Thank you for reading and liking my previous creation, it meant a lot to me. As you may have discovered I am deeply in love with Mr. Sae Itoshi (and many others btw I just struggle with creativity) and here I brought you another Sae x reader fanfiction that I hope you will enjoy. Any recommendations and requests you'd like to see are accepted and in the future I'll try creating those "delusions" for you all. I appreciate all of your support and once again, it means a lot to me. <3 Now go ahead and enjoy.

WARNING: VULGAR LANGUGE = SWEARING --> PROCEED ONLY IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE!! About the story: You are a manager in blue lock who got pushed into this because your father couldn't understand why you'd hate soccer for 'no reason'. This is why he he contacted your uncle, Ego Jinpachi to take you in as a manager right after the program starts.

Actually it is quite convenient, this means no school for you and instead you get a paper that says that you worked as a professional manager for x time.

Also... maybe your mother also supporthed your dad's view because she is sick of you being at home and gaming, reading, watching videos and sleeping all the time.

Maybe the reason Ego and Anri want to push you towards romance is actually because of your mom. Although you doubt your dad knows this. AS he'd definietely be against it, even if you grow to like the sport.

But that's just your hunch.

This will obviously be longer than a oneshot but I don't plan on making it very long.

-part 1-

As blue lock’s manager you’ve seen many many supposedly handsome men. However none of them ever caught your eye. No matter how many times Anri-chan teased you, being their age and all, you couldn’t find anyone that seemed special from a romantic point of view.

But there were two guys who you knew particularly well. That was Seishiro Nagi and Rin Itoshi. The former you went to kindergarten with, not to mention you lived next to each other and shared hobbies together. It was natural for you to become friends who kept in touch till this day.

The latter, Rin, you know him from highschool. Your parents moved away just before your highschool years so you had to make yourself familiar with the new streets, the new people, and of course high school. Him and you were seatmates for as long as you two remember and while sometimes you wished someone else sat nearby, you both enjoyed the other’s company.

There they both were, it was pure fate bringing you and your friends together, through those two you got to know Yoichi Isagi, Bachira and many more better. You had to admit what those two had was already intriguing but as time passed and you followed Isagi’s growth, he drew you in more.

You went from despising football to becoming fascinated with it. Not that you’d play it yourself.

In the U-20 match you saw Sae for the first time. Till then Rin only talked about him, and eventually he seemed to fess up at his name’s mention. But you never interfered in what might’ve happened. Rin would’ve told you if he was comfortable with it. You were positive about that.

Now, he was the man who caught your eye. Those beautiful movements that could destroy anyone in a split second. You felt like if you looked away you’d lose him. “Never seen you staring that hard.” Your uncle smirked, taking his eyes off his diamonds in the rough. “Ego-san let her be, it was time for her to start taking an interest in someone.” Anri giggled and leaned on the top of your head. “Stop it- seriously, I just think he’s good… and maybe too beautiful to be an actual football star.”

After the match you got a piece of paper from Rin. He frowned as he handed it to you explaining how Ego and Anri instructed him to give you Sae’s number. “Add what do you even want with this? Don’t tell me you fell for that piece of shit already!” His eyebrows twitched in anger. Your face went beet red. ‘Should I take his number? But that would mean I admit that he was interesting. Why do those two love cornering me? This is worse than getting killed in League (Leage Of Legends) more than the times you die. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME IN THESE SITUATIONS??’

“Oi? Earth to Miss manager?” He sighed and just tossed the paper in your hand. He was much moodier after this match then you would’ve anticipated him to be. Guess that stolen-not stolen goal from Isagi really struck a nerve.

As the boys were changing, Ego and Anri were on a conference or whatever with the old geezers you decided to go up to look down at the football court. A few months ago you despised football from the bottom of your heart, and now thanks to your father you are a manager working with your uncle and Anri.

Deep in your thoughts you didn’t notice a silent crimson haired guy lean on the railing just like you. “Are you Y/N L/N?” He asked, making you turn to him and crumple the paper in your hand. “Y-yes.” Oh lord. The Sae Itoshi approached you while he had not even the slightest idea of you and not to mention the state you were in. You just discovered you might like Rin’s older brother, which he’ll definitely be salty about, and now you were red and sweaty too.

He scoffed. “Ego Jinpatchi said you were worth a few minutes, so who are you?” ‘Huh? My uncle said that? Why would he say that? That’s dipshit. I am boring as a rock- unless he is me, but this sport driven prodigy is in no way like me? Why would he say that.’

“He did? Y-yeah well, of course I am as interesting as the deep sea for divers..haha” You gulped.

“I don’t know what to tell you, truth be told I’m terrible at making small talk or talking about myself.”

“Yeah, me too, usually comes out to be pretty awkward.” He sighed. “So? Get it over with, I have nothing better to do anyway.” He wiped his bangs out of his face. He probably just showered, he didn’t look sweaty… and also, you hate to admit but the shampoo he used really made you fall harder.

You sighed and tried hitting those stupid thoughts out of your brain. ‘FOCUS’ “Well, I am the same age as Rin, so two years younger than you- as far as I know, I go to his school. I hate football, but watching it lately has been strangely fulfilling my boredom. I am Ego’s niece and Blue Lock’s manager.” You pondered what else you could say when Sae reached out to grab the piece of crumpled paper from your grasp. “Wait no-” His eyes went over it. “Why do you have my number?” You try laughing it off.

“I guess there are two adults who really love playing cupid today…” You sigh as you become more and more annoyed at those two matchmakers. “They really want my forever single ass to find a love interest you see, so they do everything they can to achieve this.” “Well if you had texted me I wouldn’t have answered either way.” “Well I thought as much prodigy..” hinting that he’s way out of your league.

“Actually, let’s do this. My parents are pestering me that they’ll be stuck without a granddaughter so they’ve been trying to control my love life through my manager. All the way back in Spain too. Quite a pain in the ass if you ask me.”

“So, you want me to be your girlfriend?” Your eyes widen and your eyebrows run up like you never though they could. In one word, you were shocked to your core. “More precisely, fake dating.” He nodded. “Beneficial for the both of us and there won’t be any harm.” ‘When did my life become a soap opera/shojo anime/romance movie??’ “Are you for real?” You gulp while blushing. Fake dating usually starts with both people hating, or not liking each other. You failed that the moment you saw that face. And here you are now.

The same boy who you never thought would talk to you in any form, was asking for a fake relationship. To make his parents calm down??

He grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. You look up to him still unable to contain yourself. “So is this a yes?” “I have no idea.” “Well you have till I’m here to decide.” “But this is ridiculous. You are a star in this industry and you live your life in Spain, now you want me to be your fake girlfriend.”

“You don’t seem like a bad person.” He chuckled. Now one thing you know 100% that if Rin can’t smile if he’s not happy then he’s the same. Plus that genuine Itoshi smile is undeniably unmistaken. It’s one of a kind.

“Okay.” You gulped. “I’ll be your girlfriend.” You still had no idea what this would mean for your future or his but life is about making stupid decisions in the end. 'No? Do you not agree?'

See you in the next part. Have a nice day/night/etc. -> part 1 (HERE) -> part 2

#bllk itoshi sae #itoshi sae #sae itoshi x reader #bllk x reader #bllk x you #bllk #blue lock #fake dating #sae itoshi #fanfic #blue lock fanfiction

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scrubbinn · 10 months ago

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_____ HRT: 15 months: “Human”

“Hey Mayday. How's my girlfriend doing today?... I hope you can hear me in there. I'm recording another tape for you in case you forget everything again. I just got back from the doctor, they ran some tests, still couldn't figure out what's up with my knee. I think maybe I'm just cursed, with this broken human body. I guess you don't have to deal with that now huh? Lucky.”

“It just sucks, you know? Not a single medical doctor in Canada can tell me what's wrong and then when suddenly, magic exists, it gets regulated so you can't use it for medicine! Ugh. Rules are dumb, why do we even have them. Also sucks that I have to walk here every time I miss you. Which is a lot. Why does everything have to be so shit?”

“Speaking of shit, you should have heard me go off on that doc when you first started… cocooning? I’m blanking on the word. But I just went off on that man, It felt so good just to throw everything back in that pompous jerk's face! He had it coming, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to go off on a medical professional. He does have his uses, I suppose. You weirdly seem to like him, and at least he can put in enough effort to care about your physical health. But you should have seen how he reacted to you, he makes me so, so, so, AAAAARG! Sorry, you don't like yelling right?”

“You know, when I heard about you passing out nearly half a year ago, I thought, this is it, I'm going to lose her forever. I guess I did, when she decided to forget me. That's not fair, I just, I can't help still being mad about it. After everything we went through, and everything you went through with our friends and family. This really meant more than all of those memories put together? God you're such a dummy. I wish I could understand you.”

“Getting to meet you all over again, I didn't hate it like I thought I would. No matter the memories, it really was still you. Just, a little different. Sorry I kept pushing you to remember something… Maybe it was wrong of me. But every time I saw your face, your eyes looked back like they were trying to remember anything. It made me kind of happy, like I was important enough that some small part of you didn’t want to let go of me. I thought we were making progress. But if we have to do it again when you come out. I might actually start to hate it.”

“...Hey, you are happy right? This is what you wanted, yeah? You know I'm ok with you not being human. When you told me you were thinking about this, I supported it. Though, I'm still having trouble getting used to it. I don't really know how to feel now that you're like this. I just, I want what makes you happy, and I know you want the same for me. It's just been difficult right now. To keep smiling. I… I went to that sushi place we were going to go to. They had really good unagi. I ate so much I could barely afford the bill, haha. I know if I go there again without you, it's just going to taste like nothing. If you're not there with me, what's the point? This moment. The world has color again, I can taste things again when I'm in this room, and it hurts so much because you're not here. I'm sorry I… I'm trying not to cry in front of you hun. I'm sorry.”

* * *

“You don't mind if I stay here tonight do you hun? I don't really feel like walking back home right now. When I’m with you I- um, hello?”

“Oh didn’t realize anyone else was here? You’re Abigail right?”

“And your May’s mom right?” Are you here to see her?”

“Yes, I haven’t actually checked in since I heard the news. Is that. Her?”

“Pretty sure yeah. Unless there’s another girlfriend shaped cocoon that I missed. D- Do you need a tissue?”

“No, I’ll be fine, thank you… Pardon, but would you be able to answer a question? I don’t really understand this whole therian thing. I’m still a little shocked when Mich- Mayday said she was doing this sort of thing in the first place. I’m fine with it, I support her. But, did she need to do this?”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“Well I mean, did she need to change? Isn’t it just safer to hide? She’s doing such a brave thing but there are so many people that might hurt her. It's my job to worry about her, and I know this city is better and all with this sort of thing, but what if she gets attacked when she visits, what am I supposed to tell my sister if she asks what Mayday is up to. My family doesn't even know her name is Mayday now.”

“...Oh. Oh, this is weird seeing it from an outsider perspective.”

“I'm sorry? What do you mean?”

“It's that you don't get it, I mean I forgot it until now, but you don't understand. It would have been more dangerous if she didn't do this. She's in pain, her gender, Her body, her species. They don't match her brain. It's not like it's a choice either. She's hurting. Her staying human, she might have made worse choices. Ugh, I'm sorry hun. I should have realized how much this means to you, I'll be here, for real this time. I'll be here for y…

Oh my god, it's tearing. G-g-go! Get a doctor!”

“What? Oh! Uh, right!”

“Hun! Can you hear me? It's me! Follow my voice!”

“A…b…i…

Mimic HRT: 15 months: “no longer”

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315, @aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywine

#trans #transgender #monster girl #slime girl #slime hrt #animal hrt #species hrt #therian hrt #otherkin hrt #therian #otherkin #fiction writing #original writing #creative writing #Mimic hrt

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fxckn-sxck-fr · 1 year ago

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ARE YOU KIDDING?? PLATONIC YANDERE BATTINSON HEADCANNONS PULEASE 💕 💕

𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒…

!!! GN reader, stalking, breaking and entering, hidden cameras, kidnapping, I feel really bad for Alfred…

Sorry if this is egregiously long and disorderly, I just have a lot of ideas with this one.

There’s a possibility the two of you barely know each other. Maybe you’re a worker at Wayne Enteprises, or just a stranger on the street who did a kind gesture to him once. He’s the type to get a friend-crush — where he wants to be your friend, but he’s too shy to actually talk to you — so naturally the next logical step is to follow you around all day to figure out where you live. This would honestly be the longest Bruce Wayne has ever been out in public during the daytime, granted in his Chevy Corvette.

(Alfred would probably start to get worried, seeing as Bruce always tries to return to the mansion as quickly as possible.)

I don’t think it would surprise anyone to know this man is a heavy stalker. He knows virtually everything about you, from your social security number to how often you brush your teeth. His journal even has a diagram of every freckle and blemish he knows about on your body, just in case he needs to identify your remains some day (he has a very grim outlook on the fate of everyone who enters his life). I’d like to imagine him having a separate journal for you, just to keep tabs on how you’re doing.

Hidden cameras around your house are a must. With his nightly obligations as The Batman, he unfortunately can’t stop by your window to make sure you’re safe as often as he’d want to, so he finds himself remotely checking in on you more than being there in person. If it makes you feel any better, he has the same exact set-up in Alfred’s room. It just makes him feel more at ease to have quick visual access to two of the most important people to him in his life.

Naturally, in order to install these cameras, he’d have to break into your house when you’re not there. This would turn into something he does on the regular, possibly even while you sleep. I at first felt like he may take a few keepsakes from your house as he does this, but I think it’s more likely he’d leave things behind for you instead. Maybe a generous amount of cash, new appliances to replace broken ones, refills of food you were running low on… who knew that The Batman was like the tooth fairy?

God, I have so many ideas, but a lot of them actually focus on Alfred. Bruce is the type to kidnap his new “friend” very early on, driving by his fear and anxiety of something happening to you. He’d obviously see nothing wrong with this; I mean, the guy stalks you and breaks into your hours, why the hell would this be out of the question? So, that got me thinking… how would Alfred react to this?

I wish I had a clear answer… but, again, I have so many ideas, and it’s hard to put fully flesh them out in a clear and concise way. But I’ll try to give you the bare bones, and possibly clarify should there be a follow-up ask.

Idea 1.) Bruce actually tells Alfred he kidnapped you. Well, maybe he’d say something more on the lines of, “I had to save them, I had no other choice,” but Alfred’s a smart man who easily reads between the lines. Hell, maybe Alfred’s had his suspicions for the longest time, walking in on Bruce watching your security feed or discovering his separate journal about you, but the butler tried to rationalize this, as he didn’t want to believe his young master was up to… whatever this weird shit was.

(I can actually see him confronting Bruce about his behaviors a couple of times, and even considering bringing this up to a professional, but that’s beside the point.)

Anyways, back to Bruce holding your unconscious form in his arms. He’d ask Alfred if a room could be prepared for you, his tone eerily casual considering the situation, and the poor butler has to put on his best calm act and convince Bruce to take you back home. While I don’t see him getting through to Bruce, there’s a small chance that he does, and you wake up in your own bed the next morning blissfully ignorant to your own almost-successful kidnapping (all thanks to the butler).

(Now I’m thinking about Bruce holding you up to Alfred like, “can we keep them??” And Alfred has to be like, “no, Master Bruce. Put them back where you got them from.”)

From here on, Alfred decides to try and herd Bruce’s strange obsession with you on his own, too scared to get professional help involved. There’s no way in hell he’s getting his young master taken away from him; not after he vowed to keep him safe to the late Thomas and Martha Wayne. And besides, Alfred did manage to convince Bruce to take you home in the end, so surely that means there’s still hope, right? He hasn’t failed his responsibility just yet…

Of course, as I said before, I don’t see Alfred getting through to Bruce in the end. It’s hard to say what Alfred would even do at this point. Maybe he threatens to call the authorities, which would hurt Bruce enough to feel the need to run away. This would start a huge manhunt for “the runaway billionaire” who “snapped under all the stress” (Alfred made sure to neglect telling police about him also being a kidnapper, instead framing it as though Bruce was going through some sort of mental breakdown).

Don’t even get me started on how confusing this would be for you, LMAO. Imagine going to sleep one night, only to wake up in some sort of abandoned apartment complex with Bruce Wayne of all people. That sounds like a fun story to write, not gonna lie.

Idea 2.) Bruce doesn’t say anything to Alfred and instead keeps you in one of the spare bedrooms. It doesn’t take long for the butler to stumble upon you, narrowly missing the lamp you swing at him as you make your escape. Since you aren’t familiar with the mansion’s layout, however, you find yourself aimlessly running through the halls, and eventually into the chest of a confused Bruce Wayne, who just came out of the Batcave. As Bruce practically drags you back to your room, he runs into a disheveled Alfred, who obviously wants an explanation.

“This is my friend,” Bruce simply answers, a hint of fondness in his gruff voice. “I had to save them, so I brought them back here.”

Now, as I said previously, Alfred probably has had his suspicions for the longest time. So seeing you trying desperately to weasel out of Bruce’s grip mad him realize what his young master had really done. Like with the first idea, Alfred will try to calmly explain why this was wrong, making eye contact with your pleading gaze. But I think this conversation would go south quicker, since Bruce is much less willing to give you up now that you’re settled in. I can see him starting to tear up cuz yandere Battison is lowkey a manchild, I don’t make the rules, begging Alfred to let you stay.

This is the route where Alfred might feel it’s better to comply, at least temporarily. You’re a live hostage in this situation, and the stress of that is too much to make a definitive decision in the moment… and it doesn’t help that Bruce was starting to get erratic. So, he hesitantly relents, trying to ignore the hurt look in your eyes as you’re dragged back to your room.

Remember, this is only a temporary solution. Alfred could never live with the idea of Bruce doing this, and I can see him continuing to do his very best to convince his young master to let you go. Perhaps he may have to take matters into his own hands, helping you escape behind Bruce’s back…

Idea 3.) I’m keeping this one short and sweet; what if Alfred is just as much as a hostage as you are? Remember that Bruce cares just as much for his butler as he does for you, so it’s highly likely that he never lets Alfred leave the mansion either…

#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?#❥ TW: YANDERE #❥ YANDERE CHARACTER #❥ PLATONIC YANDERE #❥ YANDERE BRUCE WAYNE #❥ YANDERE BATTINSON #❥ YANDERE BRUCE WAYNE X READER #❥ YANDERE BATTINSON X READER #❥ GN READER

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aubreylikesmith · 1 month ago

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HAI . shivers. may I ask how azia would interact or think about my guys....❤️ hehe

YES OFC my beloved celorangeine

BENNIE BENNIE BENNIE oh my god i feel like they would get along pretty well because bennie is a people pleaser and all of that type of stuff and azia usually latches onto those types of people because shes an evil BITCH and likes exploiting people even if theyre fairly important to her (see GARY) ,,,,, i feel like she would ragebait him alot when they hang out and make him randomly fight people she doesnt like and then just stand there cheering for him like she didnt order him there LOL

but i have a feeling she would also cling to him alot you know,,, flirt and whatever like she usually does with her guy friends because she seems to have some kind of obsession with liking punk people or guys with that type of look with them and i think she would find that tough guy kind of aura in him very attractive (ofc ofc she would,, what a slut)

OMG they would hate on everyone together im afraid, THE professional hater duo!!!!!! I think after a while of knowing bennie she would maybe open up to him more about her actual unmasked personality and feel free enough to express her real opinions on most people around bullworth (so basically just that she doesnt fw anyone here and maybe just maybe she isnt as pretty as she seems) and they would defo bond over that especially cause bennie got expelled and he probably doesnt think kindly of the bullworth students (am i right ab that pls im so scared of getting things wrong)

YUUDAI YO YO YO I LOVE THIS HO ,,,,, hmmmm he would be one of those people azia is fake hating 24/7 but she actually only does that because his situation is scarily similar to hers and she relates too much and she doesnt like self reflection especially in other people so she would publicly avoid him or talk shit but in reality would have like 5135636 dm requests to him on her phone💔💔 she would say hes too “violent” or some shit like she doesnt crash out every 2 days and bully half the school LOL

if they ever got the chance to have a decent deep talk they would go CRAZY tgt i swear,, theyre both from japan and have problems with the weird ass norms that come with being in the uk, except that azia hides that deep rooted insecurity in her pretty well because her mind is clouded with her fuckass bf and his ritalin she steals to get high LMFAOO

umm they could probably work out well together if azia let her guard down a little and yuudai saw past her 👅👅

#bully oc #bully canis canem edit #oc interaction #bennie sleep w one eye open #azia is a bennieglazer #kissing them on the cheek #meow

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asterinthemilkyway · 2 months ago

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i haven't seen anything about if anyone thinks I should continue, but I doubt many people even saw my last post in the first place... either way, after much procrastination, here it chapters 4-6 sorry if its kinda shit

Chapter 4

You may think that because I ran from the orphanage I didn’t have anywhere to go. You would be wrong.

Once I entered Chicago, I went to a random apartment building and picked one of the expensive ones toward the top. I had the dumb idea to try and open the door normally, and it worked. Whoever lived there had left the door unlocked, and the lights on.

Since then I just kept coming back and nobody was ever home. Eventually the other people there seemed to think I was an adopted child of the family. I just embraced the role and nobody asked where my parents were. That was new.

But when I walked in that day, I found someone in there watching TV from the couch. I didn’t recognize her, but then again all I could see was that she had pitch black hair with blue highlights here and there. The moment I opened the door, I was hit with an overpowering aroma. It was one of the best things I had ever smelled, and it disoriented me quite a bit. But I couldn’t quite tell what it was, though I could tell that it was coming from the girl.

I approached her once I realized what was happening, I approached her and tapped her on the shoulder. Her first response was to whip around, scream, and punch me in the face. I guess she didn’t hear me open the door. For some reason the smell got stronger for a moment when she did this.

Her reaction had been so fast I couldn’t dodge it, or much of anything really. The impact made my nose start bleeding, but I knew I could fix it in a half second, though I didn’t plan on having anyone witness it. “What the-” I started to say, but she cut me off before I could finish it.

“What the hell are you doing in my apartment!” she screeched when she saw me, “Who the hell are you!”

“Your apartment? You look younger than me!” I pointed out, “There’s no way that you could actually own this place.”

“Except I do, and you still haven’t explained who you are or what you’re doing,” she prompted again.

“Fine, the name’s Willow Morola, and I have lived here for six months.” I told her, agitated. “I didn’t think anyone lived here at first but people now think that I am part of your family. Probably that I’m your adopted sister or something. If you kicked me back out onto the streets people would start to get suspicious. I’m sure your parents wouldn't want that since they left a kid here all alone.”

“Why the hell were you in my apartment for half a fricken year!?!”

“Where else would you expect for an orphan who ditched the damn orphanage?”

“Oh. I did not expect that,” she said, suddenly seeming sorry. “ I’m Nyx. Nyx Riffluva. Nice to meet you I guess. You’re welcome to stay anytime since you’re a homeless orphan.” I could have sworn that after that she mumbled “peasant.”

After that exchange, she was around much more, and I didn’t usually have to steal food anymore. She let me come and go as I pleased, and seemed shocked at how quickly my nose had healed after she hit me. She didn’t seem to pay too much attention to it though, which was good. I still didn’t want to reveal to her that I could shape-shift yet, even if I was living with her for the foreseeable future.

One time she did almost catch me because I accidentally forgot she was there, and changed my hair to include some red. She seemed confused because there wasn’t any hair dye there, but I just claimed I went somewhere to have a professional do it. Dodged a bullet there.

Chapter 5

1303

When Miriku, now known as Willow, was about five years old she started to realize that she was not like her adoptive father. She started to ask each of the servants why that was. She never got a true answer, and this started to upset her.

“I don’t know what you mean,” they would all say, or “You aren’t different, it’s just in your head.”

They knew the truth but only one of them would actually be willing to tell her. The lord had ordered to never tell her without permission where she had come from. The only one exempt from this rule was the same woman who brought her to lord morola.

She still thought of herself as the girl’s mother, though she knew she wasn’t. When she was approached by Willow, she expected to be asked about Willow’s origins, same as the others. Instead Willow just asked why she hadn’t been married. After all every other servant had gotten married, whether to a soldier or a peasant of some kind, it didn’t matter, because it was required of most of them to be married.

“I’m a bit surprised that you would ask me this,” she said, “I thought you were asking everyone about your origins? Either way these two events are intertwined.”

“Really? But how could my life be connected to the life of a servant?” asked Willow, “I’m the daughter of a Lord, even if I am adopted!”

“Because I brought you here,” said the woman, “I know where you came from better than any others.”

Chapter 6

Present Day

While I stayed with Nyx, I read a bit more of the book, because what else would I do with a book that said my name? Once I reached this part I had to stop, however, because I heard an odd noise coming from outside. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it sounded like it might have been someone moaning in pain.

I left the room that I had been staying in, at the end of the hall on the right, and made my way to the door. When I opened it I saw some bloody footprints, leading toward the elevator. I started to follow them and what I found horrified me.

It was a man whose face had been carved up with a glasgow smile. His eyes had blood coming from them, as did his mouth. His nose looked broken, and his throat was slit. His shirt seemed to have been ripped to the point that he might as well not have worn one. Somehow, despite all of this he still continued to walk, and he turned when I called out to him.

“What the hell happened to you?!?” I asked him, my voice filled with alarm.

His voice came out with an odd gurgling sound accompanying it, “It depends. Which part? I can’t guarantee any specifics, too much has happened for that.”

“All of it!” I practically shouted. Now I could see that he had a Y-shaped incision like the kind used in autopsies, and that his chest and stomach were covered in stab wounds. What was this guy? A repeat of Julius Caesar with extra wounds? “You're bleeding from just about your whole upper body!”

“Well, to start with, none of this will kill me,” His voice now accompanied by the gurgling and a red foam coming through the wound in his throat with each word, “I have tried to stop all of this but I couldn’t. I didn’t want more people traumatized by my appearance. That’s why there’s cuts on my wrist and throat. Sorry about that.”

“But what about the rest of it?”

“Please, just leave me alone for now,” he seemed to be begging me, “I will come back later once I take a shower and put on some new clothes. If you really want to know more, I’ll explain later.”

“Okay, but you should probably get some help with the bleeding either way.”

“Don’t worry,” he assured me, “I swear I’ll be just fine.”

He smiled in such a way that he seemed to be laughing at an inside joke that I didn’t understand. I was confused about how he could smile, or even stand for that matter, when he was bleeding so much. When he turned and walked away, I noticed that his feet were covered in jagged slices.

He came back later just as he had promised.

He seemed to be a lot better now. None of the wounds from earlier were even visible, much less bleeding. I had no idea how this was possible, because there wasn’t even a scar.

“How the hell are you fully healed already?” I practically yelled, as if everyone in the building had to know. “It doesn’t make any sense! It shouldn’t be possible!”

“Keep your voice down!” he whispered to me, “Nobody is supposed to know about us!”

“Us?” I asked.

“Do you really not know?” he asked incredulously.

“Know what?”

“Oh, god, I’m gonna be here longer than I thought,” He seemed disappointed, “have you ever noticed your eyes?”

“Yeah… of course I have, they’re my eyes after all,” I said, confused by him bringing up my eyes.

“So have you noticed the pupils?”

I had to admit I never had before. I knew that no matter what I looked like my eyes were usually an unnatural pinkish purple color, but the pupils just weren’t ever something I noticed. “What do you mean ‘have i noticed the pupils?’”

“Your pupils are an unusual shape,” he informed me, “It’s the only reason I chose to explain to you.”

I had to figure out what he meant.

“Excuse me… I’ll be right back,” I told him before running to the bathroom to get a look at my eyes.

When I got there, I looked in the mirror and I saw what he meant. My eyes were the same color as always, but as it turned out my pupils were in the shape of diamonds. How had I never noticed this before?

I went back to talk to him again, still wondering what my pupils meant. Once I reached him I took a glance at his eyes and saw that they were quite odd as well. The lower halves of his irises were a blue as deep as the ocean, but the top half was pitch black, separated by a wave-like section in the center. And for some odd reason, he didn’t have any pupils.

“What do my eyes mean?” I asked, getting straight to the point. “And why do yours look like waves?”

“Well, as I'm sure you’ve noticed you can change what you look like at will…” He said like it was going to be some big revelation, “The eyes are just the identifier of your abilities. Every member of your species-”

“Wait a second! Species?”

At this point he was clearly agitated, “yes. Species. Did you really think you were the only one?”

“Well I wasn’t quite sure-” I started to say. “Did you never notice up north that half the people had differently shaped pupils?”

“First of all, how the hell did you know I was from up north?” I demanded of him, “And second, no I didn’t. The orphanage didn’t let us outside much and my room had no windows so I didn't see much of anyone.”

He seemed to be a bit taken aback by this. When he finally spoke again he said, “I see. That explains a lot. Anyways, you are what's called an Irisian. If you're wondering about me, I’m a Posidian.” At first I thought he would stop there, but then he added “and judging by the smell, your roommate is Aphrodisian.” “Wait. Aphrodisian? Like an aphrodisiac?” I asked, bewildered.

“Kind of,” he explained, “How much Greek mythology do you know?”

“I read the first three Percy Jackson books… Why?”

He sighed. What did he expect? I asked myself A college course?

“Then you should know that Aphrodite, the namesake of aphrodisiacs and Aphrodisians, was the goddess of love. Each of the Greeks have a species. And before you ask, yours is Iris, the goddess of the rainbow,” he told me. “Your species is among those with two sets of abilities. Usually the eyes are a dead give away, but… yours are… different… Like a mix of both…” He trailed off, lost in thought.

“What can we do?” I asked, since I only knew how to change my appearance.

“I don’t feel like going in depth so i’ll just flip a coin and tell you one of them,” He said, taking out a quarter and flipping it. As he does so, I mutter “heads.”

It landed tails. Just my luck. I meet someone who shatters my reality and I can't even call a coin flip. “Dammit…” I mutter.

“Shapeshifting,” He states matter of factly.

He then got up to leave, clearly at his wits end. It was this same moment that I realized we never introduced ourselves. “Hey,” I called to him as he reached the door, “My name's Willow, by the way. Willow Morola.”

His eyes showed some recognition at my last name and he responded with “Joseph Acones… Hey… tomorrow at four P.M. bring your roommate to the gas station down the road…”

He turned and tried to leave, but the door swung open, slamming into him and knocking him over.

#interactive story #story #fiction #should i continue?#original story #sorry again if its bad

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hells-greatestdad · 6 months ago

Note

—- As Loona, Helluva Boss. Contains…a lot of cussing, but otherwise nothing too wild. Thanks for writing with me!

Today had been slow.

Which…definitely wasn’t a good thing. Because if Immediate Murder Professionals didn’t get enough clientele per week to meet the budget, Blitzø would lose his shit. Then Moxxie would get all wound up because of course he’d take it out on Moxxie, then Millie because her precious pint-sized lover got his precious feelings hurt. Then, ohoho, and then- all three of those fuckers would turn right around and blame her. Because it’s always the damn dog’s fault. Right.

Loona huffed quietly through her nose as if that would expel the festering anxiety, carding a paw through her shag. Crimson eyes narrowed at the list of prospects and people expecting a follow-up. Look at all these whackadoos, acting like they’re not gonna end up in the exact same shithole. Hysterical, really.

Twirling and tapping her pen against the legal pad for a moment out of habit, the hellhound finally reached over with the same paw and absently dialed one of the more impending customers.

Nickelback was thumping in her head, and the usual drone of Hell’s pandemonium breezed through I.M.P’s piss poor insulation, and…she may have pressed three instead of five.

“Yeah, hey, this is Loona from I.M.P.. Was just calling in regards to your appointment for the murder request of-“

A beat of silence to verify this dumbass was actually this dumb.

“…Uh, quote: That crazy bitch who stole my fifth wife. My favorite wife. End quote.”

"Huh... I don't seem to recall having a fifth wife... I'd say my favorite was my first. Also my only wife."

He didn't know what he expected when he opted to answer an unknown number calling his cell, but this is actually kind of entertaining.

"I also don't think anyone stole my wife.... pretty sure I'd remember that."

He'll just... ignore the pang in his heart at the reminder that his wife is absent. She certainly wasn't stolen... he knows where she is. And he will likely never see her again. But she's still his love regardless.

Still. His voice on the phone at least sounds chipper.

"Sounds like that could be a number of people, being that this is Hell. So I'm afraid you've got the wrong number."

#ic #fulminare-within-her-soul #// oh hey in this one I'll go with he knows where Lilith is & why she's absent. I can elaborate if asked.

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broomstickart · 2 years ago

Text

The Piece of Violence

Part 1: Dream Come True

You and Ghost are separated from the group and make it to a safe house. He bandages your wounds and tells you to sleep. Where he then catches you talking in our sleep in which you may have been having a seggy dream including none other than Ghost himself.

CW: Unprotected P In V sex, fingering, general debauchery, pet names if you're not into that (sweetheart, love, darling), kind of rough, he puts his fingers in your mouth idk

3k words

No use of y/n

I don't know what happened. One second, we were making our way through the city then the next a rain of bullets, like that I got separated. Ghost found me quickly, assessing any damage I may have taken. Wrapping a makeshift tourniquet around my leg until he could see the extent of the wound on my upper thigh.

Shit, I hadn't even realized I had been hit, "I'm sorry sir."

He didn't say anything which wasn't out of the ordinary but the look in his eyes was. He seemed, I have to be wrong, stressed? Worried maybe. That was cause for concern.

He hoisted me up taking most of my weight with ease.

"I can walk." I assured him.

He hesitated a moment before releasing me, nodding as I tested my weight on the injured leg.

"See, perfectly fine."

He grumbles something under his breath but then storms ahead. I'm not sure where were going to go or if we can even meet back up with the rest of the team. Regardless I follow, through the back allies until we get to one of the safe houses.

"Sit." He orders, the second the door shuts.

I comply, plopping down on the dingy sofa in the middle of the "living room" if you could call it that. Ghost immediately kneels in front of me and starts poking around the small gash high on my thigh. The image sent my imagination drifting to forbidden places, especially with my Lieutenant. A woman can only do so much. It has been over two months since anyone has come near touching me in even a professional manner. It's like the guys thought I'd crack at the slightest contact. Ghost is the only one of them to even seemed remotely interested in getting to know me when I joined the team a year ago.

He didn't say much but he listened, and paid attention. Maybe that's why I am flustered. I've let myself get too attached. He's my superior I can be thinking of him that way. But the way his hands feel on my thigh sent a shiver through me.

I have to shut my eyes and lean my head on the back rest of the dusty sofa thinking of puppies and rainbows. Mind out of the gutter you idiot.

"Take your pants off." Ghost grumbles.

"What?" my eyes flying open.

Another uncommon emotion flashes across his eyes, amusement.

"I need to dress your wound, considering you have one pair of pants I don't think you want me to cut them off." he responds.

"Yeah, yes, that makes sense." i stutter as he shuffles back to give me space as I shimmy my pants around me knees.

He didn't say anything else had he cleaned the small abrasion. It didn't even need stiches; I don't know why he's taking so much time to clean it. My imagination can't take much more of him between my legs before I get brash. Damnit, and the way he keeps glancing up at me assessing my pain level, which is minimal, is going to tip me over the edge.

He abruptly stands and drops himself into the matching dingy armchair in the corner, "Rest, you need it."

"It was a scratch, I'm fine, sir." I try and argue.

"Rest." He grunts, this time as an order.

Quickly pulling my pants back up I laid back on the sofa "Are we meeting the rest of the team somewhere?"

No response.

"Have you been in contact with them?" I ask again.

Annoyed at my lack of compliance, he crosses his arms over his chest, manspreading even more, if that was possible. My eyes flicked for only a millisecond to what was now at eyelevel with me before looking back up to his face. Where his eyes are already on me.

I cursed myself for getting caught objectifying him. Rolling on my side, in an attempt to avoid any unnecessary eye contact. I could have sworn Ghosts' eyes shifted to what I though was curiosity. I have to be losing my shit here.

I jolt upright, making the muscles in my abdomen ache at the sudden movement. The dream I was immersed in still floating at the edge of my mind. It made my cheeks flush and the ache between my legs unbearable. I can't be dreaming these kinds of things; it was borderline disgusting. My Baptist mother would be ashamed. Running a hand over my face, I trying to think of anything. But the only thing that flashes across my mind is what Ghosts hands were doing in my unconscious delusion.

"Sleep well?" he asks amusement dripping from him.

I snap my head in his direction. Caught off guard by the fact he was awake and by the question. He can't know what I was dreaming about, Ghost may be brilliant at reading people, but he can't see into someone mind.

"Why so quiet now?" He practically purrs, leaning forward bracing his elbows on his knees.

Shit. Mortification washes over me at the recognition that my fatal flaw had finally done me in.

"I was talking in my sleep." I mutter more to myself as a defeated realization.

"Quite a lot actually." He added cocking his head to the side. The hint of amusement still lingering.

All the times I had wished he would speak more because of that intoxicating accent, slipped from my mind. Because right now the last thing I want was for him to keep teasing me about a human reaction. I'm surrounded by a bunch of bulky muscled men all day, I'm going to day dream a little.

Trying to come up with something to say I unfortunately let myself get distracted by the state of him. He still had his mask on, boots and all but the tactical gear was shed on the floor beside him. Leaving his broad chest only covered in a too tight black t shirt. His arms exposed and good god his arms were lovely. I'm doing it again, god damnit I'm a disaster.

"Fuck." I grumble flopping back down on to the stiff sofa.

Ghost laughed, a deep booming chuckle that I've never heard come from him. It made me want to slap him or kiss him, maybe both.

I flung one of the throw pillows at his face "I'm getting some water."

"A cold shower might be nice too I bet." He called after me.

"Shut the fuck up." I barked back at him as I turned into the small kitchen.

Bracing my hands on the counter I attempted to calm myself to the point where I can look at him and not want to jump his bones. I'm failing miserably. The ache between my legs edging on painful.

"You know better than to speak to your superior that way, sweetheart." His voice sounds from behind me.

Now he's using pet names, great. I'm not going to last if he keeps fucking with me like this.

"I'm not in the mood for one of your role play scenarios, Simon." I snap at him, not turning to even look at him. If he gets to call me sweetheart the only logical thing is that I get to use his real name.

He hums, the sound closer behind me than expected. Then his hands come to rest on either side of mine on the counter caging me in. His torso flush against my back as he curls himself around me.

I can hear the blood rushing through my ears as I try and steady my breathing. The feel of him behind me and the feel of what he's working with hard against my back sending goosebumps across my skin.

"Then I'm interested in the scenarios you do have in mind." His accent thick, every word laced with the same feeling coursing through every part of my body. Lust.

Any restraint I had left dissipated as he spoke. After a deep breath I pushed back into him.

His right-hand shooting to my hip, gripping it hard enough to earn a soft whimper from me.

"Say no and I'll stop, okay?" He says firmly nuzzling the side of my neck.

I nod quickly as another pitiful noise escapes me.

"Use your words," He commands, "I need to hear you say it."

"Yes, fuck, yeah okay I got it." The words pour out of me as a plea, and I scramble to turn and face him, but he holds me in place.

Simon didn't need to speak to let me know he was in charge here like he was when you were working. The mere presence of him is commanding, and it only made you wetter that it was the same with situations like this.

His hands find the hem of my shirt and strips it from me. His movements were hurries and rough but with a sense of urgency that truly proved he wants this as much as I do. I was completely naked in front of him in a matter of seconds, still facing that counter. His hands roaming the curves and dips of my body.

Surprisingly, I wasn't self-conscious being so exposed in front of him, he's one of the few people I trust with my life. Not to mention, the way his rough calloused hands danced across my skin sent electricity through me. Setting every nerve on edge.

He's taking his time and I'm growing more antsy by the second, but I suck in a breath when his hand roams lower on my stomach, then lower.

The growling moan that rumbles from deep in his throat the second his hand reaches my cunt, made the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention.

"So wet for me already and I've hardly touched you." His voice gravely. His index finger makes agonizingly slow circles around my clit. While his other hand grips the back of my neck pushing my forward bent over the counter.

My hips moved on their own, trying to get more friction. Simon lets out a satisfied hum as obscenities flood from my mouth in a string of pleas and curses. None of which came out coherently.

"Oh, darling you're already a mess." He teases giving me a light but firm smack to my ass "Can't even think straight, can you?"

He was right, hearing him talk so much, made my head mush and his hands on me where the only thing holding me together. His fingers still working at an unbearably slow pace set my skin on fire. That familiar tension coiling low in my stomach.

Simon ground his hips into me from behind, and I groan in frustration when I realized he still had his clothes on.

"Simon," I beg, grinding back into him again "please."

His hands left me only for a second, before he turned me around and lifted me, so my ass now rested on the edge of the counter. He was careful not to bump my, not actually hurt, hurt leg. Finally able to see him again, I noticed he had lifted his mask to rest on the bridge of his nose. He was perfect at lease the little bit of him I could see. Scarred yes, mild stubble, sure, but his full lips and strong jaw were breathtaking.

Simon slowly knelt in front of me like he has earlier tonight. Moving my legs to rest on his broad shoulders and brought his thumb to massage my clit, the sensation almost too much after all the anticipation. The rest of his hand held me firmly in place as. His lips pressing gently to the sensitive skin right above where the bandage wrapped around my upper thigh.

I almost came undone for him right there the guttural moan let out as I tried to control my breathing gave me away.

"You're holding back," he observed a coy smile playing on his lips.

"I want you." I gritted through clenched teeth.

"You have me sweetheart." He says cooly.

"I swear to God Riley if you don't fuck me already, I'm going to stab you-" my threat cut off by Simon's tongue licking a broad stroke across my pussy.

"Hmm, maybe I'll bring my knives next time, love" He groans plunging a finger into without warning. While simultaneously digging his teeth into the skin on the inside of my thigh.

The combination of pain and pleasure rolling through me made my head go fuzzy. His tongue sweeping over the spot soothing the slight sting of his bite. He adds another finger stretching me further. Not painful, but tight, and so full.

The air gets stuck in my throat ripping another strangled moan from me, tension coiling tighter in my stomach.

"That's a good girl," He purrs the timbre in his voice sending me over the edge writhing on his fingers as he began pumping them slowly. Coaxing the pleasure from me dragging and it out until I was a whimpering mess, but he didn't stop. His fingers kept moving, curling inside me hitting exactly where he wanted and his tongue swirling around my clit. Pulling more and more cries and moans from me.

The tension building again at a mind-numbing rate. He increased his speed as my breathing shallowed. My legs already shaky began to wobbly, my body on fire. I reached for anything to ground me, so I gripped the edge of the countertop, my hips grinding against his hand.

"That's it, give me one more. "He commanded, standing slightly nipping at the skin of my breast before wrapping his mouth around the sensitive point.

This one rolled through me in waves, each curl of his fingers, swipe of his tongue, sent a deep shiver through me. My whole body buzzing with release. He lets me come down slowly this time slowing down with me but still drawing the pleasure out as long as possible.

Once he was satisfied, Simon stands fully his free hand gripping my jaw, opening my mouth slightly. Removing his fingers from my pussy he gently places them on my tongue.

He groans as I instinctually wrap my lips around them sucking lightly, sure to keep eye contact. By the look that glossed over his eyes there no denying he's holding himself back. And of course, like any sane woman dancing on the edge of a violent man's sanity would do. I took him further in my mouth sucking harder. Swirling my tongue over the pads of his fingers.

"Needy, aren't you?" he practically whispers.

This is the most talkative Simon has ever been and he was right of course, I am needy. I need him, inside me and by the look on his face he needs it too.

Reaching between us while he was distracted, I gripped him through his pants, hard enough to get his attention.

"Is that what you want?" He asks glancing at me through hooded eyes.

I moan around his fingers raking my teeth against them gently.

"Hm," He releases my face crossing his arms across his chest "Go on, take em off." He says nodding permission.

My fingers, shakier than was expecting, fumble with his belt for a moment. Before he gently stops me, his hands on top of mine and places them on his chest after placing a swift kiss to one of my knuckles. Heat flushes my face and other parts of me actually and I lower my head slightly. He literally just had his fingers in my cunt and now I'm embarrassed. Brilliant.

He looks at me again as he discards his belt across the room motioning for me to continue. His faith, instilling a new confidence in me. Dragging my hands down his torso, over every ridge and bundle of tensed muscles until I reached his waits. Gingerly, I untuck his shirt, my fingers lightly grazing the skin low on his stomach.

A shiver ran through him and he rolled neck releasing a quick breath. A smile sneaking onto my face as I undid the buttons and zipper before wrapping my hand around him again. This time just his boxers between me and his skin.

He let out a hissing breath and grips the counter on either side of my hips dipping his head beside mine

"Carful, love." His voice a warning, his lips dragging across my collar bone sending butterflies to my stomach "I want to be gentle with you."

"I don't want you to be gentle." I whisper stroking him again, God he's huge.

"Your still wounded." His voice straining.

"I don't care." Another tug had him pulled a groan from him.

Nipping at my neck for a moment as if reconsidering what he really wants to do but ultimately desire winning out. He quickly pulls down his pants and boxers just enough to free his cock before thrusting into me.

"Fuck." I half moan half yelp.

He's massive bigger than anyone ive had before. It stings slightly being stretched this much but the fullness and his cock throbbing inside me, ushers in a new wave of pleasure as well.

Simon pulls away just enough to lock eyes with him, a hand brushing hair out of my face and resting on my cheek "Say stop I stop." He assures me.

"I know. I trust you." I say before I grab his face and kiss him roughly.

He moans into my mouth as I rock my hips to take more of him. Diggin his hands into my hair, he pulls my head back to place a wet kiss to my throat. Pulling out slightly thrusting in hard. Going deeper and deeper until he was bottoming out. The stinging subsided quickly, replaced with the frenzy of pleasure and need taking over.

He was rough and sloppy and I clung to him as he coaxed me closer and closer the edge with each heated thrust. Running my nails down his back only made him moan and pound into me harder, making my vision blur. He dragged his teeth across my neck Right as I toppled into another torrent of writhing bliss.

"Fuck you're so tight." He growls before gripping my face and kissing me roughly, taking my bottom lip between his teeth.

Both of us breathing heavy he pulls out with a wince, and I can't help the small cry of protest as he does so.

"I'm not done yet, love." He assures, picking me up off the counter placing me in front of the small table in the corner of the kitchen. Bending over it on instinct earned me a small smack on my ass as I look back at him over my shoulder.

He was breathing heavy his chest rising a falling rapidly and he had feverish look in his eye. Like he could go on for hours. I'm not sure I can make it hours, but I am more than willing to do my best. Simon ran his hands over my shoulders down my aback to the round of my ass where his grip tightened holding me there. Completely bare in front of him. Taking his time, like he wanted to remember this moment forever.

It left goosebumps on my skin and my heart began racing again as he leaned over me on the table. Pushing just the tip in as one hand braced himself on the table by my head and then other gripping my hip hard enough to bruise. The first thrust was slow, dragging himself into further than he had before.

"S-Simon." I whimper, desperate for him to move again.

"Say that again." He orders, slowly pulling out.

"Simon." The moan is more of a prayer for him to continue.

He seems to enjoy it none the less as his body twitches thrusting into me with a force that wobbles the table.

The hand on my hip dragging across my abdomen between my breast resting at the base of my throat pulls me into him. Only adding to the intensity of each movement. The rough texture of his clothing while he slides in and out of me hitting that sweet spot that sends a jolt of pleasure racing through me. His body wrapped around me as I'm wrapped around him completely at his mercy. My mind went numb, knew nothing but him and then intoxicating carnal need I have for him. That knot in my core wound so tight it was painful.

"Simon" I squeak, through panting breaths. I need more of him, all of him.

Lost in this little cloud of bliss I didn't hear the front door swing open. Simons body luckily shielded mine, not that I cared right now. Simon seemed too though; a primal rumbling sound rolled out the back of his throat in warning.

"Well, it took you two long enough." Soaps chuckled.

"Get the fuck out!" Simon growled without his pace faltering.

The door clicked shut and Simon went into a frenzy. His hands roaming every inch on my skin his mouth on my neck surely leaving a mark. My body shaking uncontrollably as the sudden rush of pleasure fogged my senses. Writhing beneath him his persistence driving me over the edge again. My ears rang, and my vision blurred around the edges as I pulsed around him. It was so much, too much, but still wanted more of him. His hips began staggering as he neared his own climax.

"Simon," I whine, "I want you to come inside me."

"Fucking hell." He groans doing just that. Spilling into me giving me what I wanted.

All of him.

He stays curled around me for a few moments as we both catch our breath. His thumb rubbing mindlessly at my hip in soothing circles. Taking in the last few moments in our little bubble before we have to return to reality.

#reader x ghost #simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #cod mw2 #fanfic #cod fanfic #smut #ghost cod #fem reader #one shot

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milfygerard · 5 months ago

Note

Not to tell you how to run your own blog but I loved the discussions full of nuance and would love to see them more often. But also on the other hand I know people who did that often enough that they ended up a target of hate too. Apologies for sending the super chaotic album analysis ask, I was running on fumes too, it was 5am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. The winter months come and I always have trouble waking up before the sun sets, and falling asleep before the sunrise.

Anyway I am not diagnosed with anything, never really could be with where I am, even more so as a woman (we don't even have ADHD meds, those with a diagnosis travel abroad just to buy them) but I have an inkling I might be ND because of many factors but mainly due to feeling like I'm an alien my entire life which no one seems to understand. I've thought about going abroad to get a diagnosis and then I read about what they were doing to ND people during covid and I went fuck that I'll stay wondering and alive. As for Taylor I think the biggest pointer for me was seeing her directing Me! and saying she needs to do less "dead face" or whatever she called it when looking at the footage. I went, oh I know that, it's the thing I also tell myself to do when surrounded by people. Later on I learned why that might be a thing I do lmaooo

the absolute dread i felt getting this anon notif like oh no...it begins

I appreciate the very valid concerns, ive seen how swifties can react to and treat blogs that post too much about subjects they don't like or see as valid. I also have mutuals ive seen get on the wrong end of swiftie harassment and it definitely seems overwhelming at the very least. I have a bit of luck/disguise on my end because ive kind of deduced that swifties seem to not care too much about me if they arent mutuals bc i am not technically a swiftie blog. She's definitely the special interest ive been talking about the most, but I don't post about her solely, I don't have her as my icon or in my url (girard <3) or mentioned anywhere that i'm a swift enjoyer except for me tagging her posts for mutuals who don't wanna see it. My actual posts that I write about her rarely get a Ton of notes and i make them pretty sparsely while also talking about and reblogging a ton of other random shit. I think this helps lessen the likeliness that I'll get someone who like...obsessively reads my blog to point out how stupid dumb and stupid my takes are and get attached to me in like a lolcow sense of trying to provoke me into arguing or entertaining them. If i do start getting some of that, I'll probably just turn off anon and asks for awhile and eventually theyll forget I exist or maybe even block me, imagine that <3

For the second part, I do encourage you to look into whatever neurodivergencies you think you may have even if a literal doctors diagnosis isnt a possibility! Part of the reason im pretty comfortable with tossing around words like autism is because I don't see professional diagnosis as a be all end all, nor do I think its bad to give yourself a "wrong" diagnosis while trying to understand yourself. Even if you don't end up identifying with autistm, I think being around autistic circles and learning about coping mechanisms and thought processes for other neurodivergencies can be so helpful for understanding yourself and your brain, and can bring really helpful. Like, I don't personally have DID or severe psychosis but talking to and reading write ups from mutuals has let me learn about them as like mundane mental health issues/NDs that anyone could have as well as issues i have had in the past with mild hallucinations or conceptions of personality. Most mental illnesses and NDs are treated very strangely and cruelly in general society and are considered aberrant or inherently bad or painful, but these are normal and often neutral (or positive! Which is often ignored or not considered) aspects of peoples lives.

If you are curious about self diagnosis, the most reliable and popular test online is the RAADS-R questionnaire which theres a great version of on embrace autism which i also definitely recommend scrolling through. They also have interesting articles, alternate tests and articles and tests for other neurodivergencies like OCD, which really opened my eyes to the likeliness that I've been suffering with undiagnosed OCD for pretty much my entire life. Theres also an autism forum if you want a broader spread of information and advice that might not be immediately accessible to you. I didnt touch on taylor much in this response (the dead face thing is extremely real, that and her talking about deciding to make the blood in anti hero purple glitter glue because she doesnt feel like a real normal human being in that directors on directors interview) but I do hope the other stuff is helpful and not too rambly <3 autism forever

#ask #anonymous #taylor swift #Theres a few reasons for professional diagnosis but the core point of it is so you know where to look for help and advice and community #and if the help and advice and community that is meaningfully helpful and important to you is in the autism community then thats as good as #any doctors diagnosis for me

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tobiasdrake · 1 year ago

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Do you hear that? What's the sound? Oh, that's the sound of the BESTIE TRAIN COMING THROUGH, CHOO-CHOO!!!

A day in the life of Fubuki Clockford, let's goooooo!

Aww! The fortune teller says we're going to have good fortune. ^_^

Hey, don't laugh. This world features genetically-engineered homunculi and shinigami detectives who remotely kill people. Who says divination can't be real too?

I mean, she's probably trying to upsell a nearby casino but I'm going to remain optimistic. This will be our BEST. DAY. EVER.

Good for you, Fubuki! With your spotty memory and distractibility, you're exactly the kind of person that casinos prey on. Someone who could easily lose track of how much they can afford to spend or get swept up in the theatricism and not realize how they're being swindled.

Like... like off a building or something?

I dunno, let's see what the title card thinks.

That's a resounding yes! Come on, Fubuki! Gonna be sunshine and roses today!

Well. Probably not sunshine. In Kanai Ward. In fact, I think that would constitute a tremendously bad day, all things considered.

...protective rainclouds and roses!

Okay let's go see what "Someone fell from the sky" is about. Maybe they brought presents.

Aww, but I want to know your lucky number. It might be important later.

Also SQUEE I get to play as Fubuki. Y'all, I have been wanting to dump Yuma and go play as Fubuki since chapter 3.

...okay, chapter 2. As soon as Yakou was like, "She has an ability that will let her evade Peacekeepers with no trouble," I wanted to forget whatever shenanigans Yuma's going to get up to and go with her instead.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT, FUBUKI'S GREAT. FUCK YOU.

Incidentally, the window sign reads "COFFEE EQUALS *ONE* HAPPY DAY" so I am thinking we should get some coffee. <.< Though that might just be me falling victim to marketing.

Oh shit. There he is. In the middle of the street. Feral Population +1.

He had to have fallen from a building, right?

Okay, thanks for that clarification. Anyone know which building?

I realize you may find this hard to believe, and maybe harder with each passing moment that we talk, but I am a trained professional.

Or we can go with that as our opener, sure. I figured we'd slowly whittle down their confidence in us over the course of conversation but Fubuki's a master at going from 100 to 0 in record time.

HOLY SHIT HE'S ALIVE

We don't know how long he'll be conscious. Ask him questions quickly and see if he can answer. Then if he passes out, we can turn back time and ask different questions, over and over until Fubuki passes out. Straight-up min/maxing this interrogation!

I mean. She isn't wrong. These buildings are several stories tall and he landed on his face. On cement. His skull should be chunky salsa right now.

Clearly, Fubuki's great fortune is keeping him alive.

Three? What about three? Three what? Three muggers? Three rungs on a ladder? Three-

IS THAT A FUCKING D6 NEXT TO THE BODY!?

Did this guy use his final breath to read off the value on his die?

Oh my god, we're going gambling, aren't we? This case is going to involve gambling. Oh fuck.

...

We should go find out what our lucky number is.

I. Don't. Think he can, bestie. It's okay. Your Lucky Day powers scored us a valuable piece of testimony, unassuming though it may seem. Could you cast a glance at that die on the ground? I want to confirm what value it's showing.

Guys, it's nothing short of a Lucky Day miracle that he lived this long. He doesn't need an ambulance at this point. He needs a coroner transport truck to move him into the Restricted Area.

We have our mission. We must solve the mystery of the number three. At this time, our suspect list includes:

1 - The fortune teller lady. She seemed interested in pushing a number on us, and three is a number. Seems suspicious, lady. 2 - The Count from Sesame Street. There may be more bodies lying around. ONE! TWO! THREE MURDERS, ah ha ha! 3 - Yomi Hellsmile. Because he sucks and should always be considered suspicious. 4 - Halara Nightmare.

Right now, I'm honing in on Yomi as my prime suspect. Because he's number three on the list. Three's a pretty suspicious number to be at, Yomi. What else do you know about threes?

Let's go! Maybe we can get a little more context for the three.

You know what, that's a much better idea. We'll call that Plan B.

Because we should try it B-FORE trying to hear his dying words more clearly! If Plan B fails, we resort to Plan A-lternative.

...okay but I still want to know our lucky number. We can spare some time, right?

Drat. But. The number. It might be three. That could be a clue.

Plan B was a good effort but we didn't hustle fast enough. That might be because I stopped to try and get our lucky number from the fortune teller lady. I'm sorry for that.

How's Plan A looking?

Rudimentary first aid says that in the event of a possible broken neck, jerking the body around is--

I can't even finish my joke because look at his face. He can't take his eyes off that fucking d6. I wonder if it's a three again?

Nope, this time came up two. That's interesting. It implies probabilistic differences between "runs" of the same time period. I'm getting flashbacks to Zero Time Dilemma.

Hm... Okay, let's try again and see if we can get there faster.

#master detective archives: rain code #drake plays rain code #fubuki clockford

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clairelsonao3 · 2 years ago

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Characters Out of Context Tag

I have @j-1173 (whose post is here) to thank for this procrastination tactic today! The challenge is as follows:

Rules:

Include one character quote — of your choosing ⁠— from each chapter of your WIP (or as many chapters as you'd like)

Give absolutely no context, save for what's between two parts of an interrupted sentence, should that occur. You may mention who said it.

Have fun, no pressure!

I gave myself some additional rules: Since I'm up to 23 chapters of GSNBTR, there's no reason not to include one quote each from ALL the major primary and secondary characters up to this point, so I'm going to do that (it won't quite equal out to one per chapter, so the MCs will get a few extra ones!). And because I'm doing that, I'm going to try to choose quotes that kind of encapsulate the "essence" of each character, or at least who they were at that point in the story. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I'm not going to mention who says what because that makes it more like trivia. And if there's anything I love, it's trivia!

Ch. 1

“Is that any way to talk to me?”

Ch. 2

"What have you so-called ‘experienced slave handling professionals’ been doing to the poor kid?"

Ch. 3

"Now a guy can’t even have sex with his own property without some social justice warrior calling it rape?

Ch. 4

“And calculus, and physics, and engineering. If I were free, I’d be a certified nerd,” he said. “And probably rich, too. But who’s complaining?”

Ch. 5

"You can tell me, you know."

Ch. 6

“Your back isn’t nearly as pretty as your face, boy.”

Ch. 7

“You’ve been quiet. Secretive.” She kept poking her rhythmically with one of her sculpted coral nail tips. “But inside, you’re glowing. I see it.” Poke poke poke. “So there’s no use denying it, sweetie. What’s his name?”

Ch. 8

"Thanks for the relationship advice, dickhead. Have you ever even seen a girl naked without having to hide behind a bush?"

Ch. 9

“Nobody does anything for me. Ever."

Ch. 10

“And why shouldn’t they?” he said. “I mean, what are we trying to do here, Keith? Disrupt slavery, right? You’ve been in the corporate world too long, that’s your problem. You don’t question things anymore."

Ch. 11

"He's not mine," she said. "He's his own."

Ch. 12

"You could never, ever let me down,” he assured her.

Ch. 13

"And by the way, if you’re looking at the master being away as an opportunity to get away with murder, forget it.”

Ch. 14

“I’ve always wanted to see the ocean. But he didn’t take me, so I’m stuck here with a shit ton of time on my hands, and you’re still in the hole from the last one.”

Ch. 15

“You know who I’m talking about. You have to find him, Louisa,” she continued. “Immediately. Normally I would never betray the confidence of a slave who came to me like this, but I can’t reach him now."

Ch. 16

“The stuff he said about you was really awful, Lou; I’m not telling you this to cause drama. I just wanted to warn you.” She glanced quickly at the boy again. “Both of you.”

Ch. 17

“She learned, and grew, and changed. She had a pilgrim soul.”

Ch. 18

“You’re so wrong. If I could only give you one thing in this life, it would be to give you the chance to see yourself the way I see you. Now and always.”

Ch. 19

“And to never, ever give up on me.”

Ch. 20

"You know you seem to have a real problem telling the difference between people and things?”

Ch. 21

“And everything I said the other day, about not giving up? It all still applies. Nothing's changed. Whatever happens. We'll figure it out. We always do. ”

Ch. 22

“Well, it’s a perk, no doubt. She invites some of us here sometimes to hang out, and of course, for such a rich guy, Jake is pretty chill. I like his vibes.”

Ch. 23

“What’s he been telling you? I don’t trust him. He’s a snake.”

I don't think I forgot anyone, but there is one character missing. It's better to leave them out at this point for spoiler-avoiding reasons, though.

I'm gently tagging @tabswrites @mysticstarlightduck @whither-wander-whump in case they would like to participate in this!

#characters without context #tag game #tag game answer #gsnbtr #my writing #writeblr #writing

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weaselle · 9 months ago

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we're all familiar with throwing money at a problem until it fixes it, but this asshat is the only individual i've seen take something with good design that is functioning really well...

and then throw billions of dollars at it until it's ruined

not just twitter either, if you look at all the things that are wrong with the cyber truck, its mostly stuff the auto industry has spent the last hundred years figuring out, like how to run wiring through the frame but still be able to go through a car wash, that safety glass is the best kind of glass for car windows, or why you shouldn't glue your car together.

and Tesla was the leader of the electric car world until he bought the company from the smart people who actually invented the tesla vehicles ... now the E.V. market is trending downward - unless you remove tesla's cars from the data

not to mention the way NASA has been perfecting space travel for like 65 years but this jerkoff insists on spending billions to do it worse himself

he's gonna do it with Neuralink too, mark my words - it was a great tech development. I've been following the progress for years and years. It was medical tech, before he got a hold of it they had progressed it to a point where a person who was so paralyzed they couldn't even move their mouth to talk, could, with the chip implant, move a mouse cursor on a computer, meaning instead of lying in bed locked in their body with no way to communicate or recreate, now they could talk to people and play games and surf the web etc. I think that is both super cool and pretty important. But what he does is he buys a developing tech after someone else has done the decades of work making it viable, then he ignores everything they know about it and runs it into the ground. Of course he doesn't give a shit about the paralyzed people, he'll try to make it the "next big thing", ruin it, and then blame the people who tried to tell him he was ruining it.

I've been saying he's a mean dumbass since he interfered with the rescue of those kids in the cave in Thailand in 2018 and then said the rescue diver who actually saved them all only did it because he was a pedophile (twice! on twitter to his, at the time, 22 million followers) which of course was totally baseless.

I'm so glad that the rest of the world is starting to see him for who he is. He's incredibly stupid, and also an asshole.

and before anyone brings up him being on the spectrum (because i hear that defense of him sometimes?) let me just say, that's just something he decided for himself without any professional input from any kind of doctor or therapist, and since he has shown himself to be both an idiot and a liar, i don't believe him for a second, but even if it was true, A: a person can be both autistic and a horrible person, those are separate things, and B: none of the reasons i hate him have anything to do with characteristics he may or may not have in common with autistic people.

fuck that guy in particular

elon musk buying twitter and publicly embarrassing himself is a net positive because finally people believe us when we say he is not that smart. so many videos criticizing him before his takeover always had to add the disclaimer 'sure, he's a smart guy, but-' and now you don't.

not that you ever had to but god its so much funnier when people try to argue that hes smart now

#tree stink #elon musk #that fucking asshole

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shinyangelwombatknight · 1 year ago

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Yooooo, so. Turnes out I gotta get my shit under control cause I can't continue to vent to anyone that lends an ear. This makes me realize I don't have a friend that I would feel comfortable talking with.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy and even proud of my friends and our friendships, but I realized I don't really have that kind of relationship with them and I don't really want to...? I respect them. Sometimes things feel too personal to be platonic. Also, I have to be honest, I just don't feel it as much with women as I do with men. Having grown up with like zero women in my vicinity made it so I don't know how to consistently connect with women on a more personal level. Not to say that I absolutely don't, it's just that it takes me a good 45 minutes of conversation and established rapport to warm up enough to start bringing up my own personal opinions etc. and even then, it's kinda like medium relaxed, it's not like fully there. And although I'm making it out to seem like I get very little out of it, I do genuinely value those moments however superficial or well rather medium they may be. But anyway, the fact remains that I need more than this, I need more than I can hope for in a friendship. I either need like 2-3 more friends (mixed gender), or I need to find someone else.

My two current friends are girls, and I'm realizing this ain't it for me in terms of personal connection.

I gotta be honest, I don't see either happening lol. I'ma just have to get content with small talk damn. Which well yeah, I do genuinely enjoy small talk but damn.

I only hug one person, and it's cause they hug me, really I'm a victim of peer pressure! But anyway, I don't hug enough people. I don't hug anyone like that. But anyway, it's a fine line to tread to not shatter your ego.

There's this guy that I thought we might be able to be friends. He was the TA for a class I took last semester and hes like my age. We were always very friendly and I could tell he was significantly friendlier than politeness required which I took to mean he thought I was chill etc. But I don't think I could take the loss on this one if it went south because I'm still a student there and he's still a TA there, meaning we bump into each other in a professional setting like all the time, like all the time. And one thing about me is that I like to keep things professional.

#op #long post #long long post #long long long post

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mydreamons · 1 year ago

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Alone

I feel alone. Sometimes. Sometimes I ám content, calm and able to have a clean connecting phase with Hugó, myself and the world.

I need to keep track of this from a external point of view. This kind of works now. To realise when it is hard on me and when it is allright.

Today I felt like it could be allright. I feel like I'm Okay with my life. Hugó is 2year and 2months old. I love him. He fulfills me in a Way that is unique tó hím. And my wife drags me down ín a Way that is unique tó her..

I dont like this part. It makes me feel like I'm wrong.

I think its just a lot. We carry a lot. Our relationship carries a lot.

And I hate it. I suffocate in it. She does too.

anytime I feel that some external shit gets stressfull or heavy I react with giving less fuck about the stuff. And it works its a good method. It does nőt worth it anymore for me..

However this relationship stuff is complicated. But I think we should let each other free.

My problem with this is complicated tó an extent that reminds me that rn I dont have a pszichológus.

The couple therapy became counterpeoductive. And my pscychologist just have some health/family condotion that leaves meg without external help from a professional.

However I do feel a lot more capable. Nontheless I need help.

But let's take this very central emotion-knot apart As much As I can:

The biggest trigger for me : If someone denies the rightful attention from me.

Background:

divided attention towards me - twin stuff

The other hard part is that I would reaaaallly want to be with someone. I dont like tó be alone. It hard for me to do it.

Background: Always? available attention from my brother - twin stuff

But now I'm alone. .. it hurts. Beacuse I want to belong tó my wife. But I ám refused/denied.

So what should I do.

Step 1: do not lét the feeling spiral out (of lonelyness / burden of the idea tó be alone )

Step 2: recognise that IT happened. Its past. Now we need to turn. Turn towards tomorrow. What do I do with this abandonment feeling.

Deattaching myself from the dependence ön her could help, but I still feel I deserved attention. But nontheless She did nőt give IT tó me só makes no sense of wanting it. Im a left alone person.

Someone who is free ín a sense.

This feeling is something positive, that we can take off on.

But I know she Will be back and I may want to hét close tó her again, but! It does nőt mean that I have to. I dont have to.

I can keep my freedom. With Hugó. With Mázli. With my work.

So the plan: fulfill my life with the given constraints with letting her go As a constraint.

But it is not sustainable for me since I dont like tó be alone.

A solution would involve something like: having still some close connections.

These could be anyone. Familymembers etc.. anyone I choose.

Best would be if I could be alone on my own. But ín the end I dont like that I do not long for such thing..

notice: regardless I can ask for help with these things. And thats what I Will do.

Being with Hugó, being with the chosen close-ones. Something like that. Well we Will see.

Im tired. I go try to sleep. I do have dreams!! I do have kind thoughs .when I meditate /relax. ✔️🖤 And I love this.

I will invite these kind calm thouths. And als�� lét Hugó sleep .. 😅

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psychelis-new · 2 years ago

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Yes of course!

Honestly I am a bit too nostalgic and I miss when I was a kid and my parents were more caring, that's it. Mainly.

They are caring now too but in a different way, yk

And my sibling which is older than me treats me like shit. I used to be his world...he too was taking care of me and protecting me

Idk man I'm in my feels

And sooo often I get into this mood sometimes for a week straight, it won't go away and I end up crying all the time

Other times just some days in the month but like I said, it all affects me deeply, more than it should probably

I love them but I genuinely miss what it used to be, a true family

I'm sorry about this, I really am. I think it's something many of us go through at a certain point. I'm telling you this not to diminish your feelings at all, but to let you feel hopefully less alone in this painful moment. Also, whatever way you are affected by this situation it's fine: you don't have to feel you're wrong for that. Whatever emotion you feel is valid, in whatever "amount" you are experiencing it. Anyway, you said it yourself: people change, not just others but we change too, and so also the way we express our feelings and emotions and all that's in between (not to mention that with the pandemic and all the other increasing negative things around the world, many of us have been showing much more distress relating to relationships and emotions -what I mean is, it's common and understandable both how you feel and that things changed heavily).

I think you should just talk with your parents: there's nothing bad in needing a bit more of affection and support, to feel a little more "needy". I don't really think they'd judge you for that. I'm kinda sure they changed their behaviour with you because now you've grown and they cannot act exactly as when you were a child: they probably want you to feel more independent and free. Parents do this, they just never ask if it's okay or not for us... but we can talk with them about it. You know, it's not just people that change with time, but also feelings and how we display them. They evolve, modify, take turns... Plus so many things happen, and we change also the way we perceive people and emotions around us. When we're kids, we don't know much, but I guess it's part of growing up and learning and just... experiencing stuff. In my mind I just heard "there's a time for everything". (I'm not gonna mention about your brother btw... there's no excuse for shitty behaviour, but again we change and stuff happens to everyone, sadly).

If you feel like you cannot talk with your parents (despite I'd really see nothing bad), at least try to accept this situation (which doesn't mean feeling like you cannot change it: acceptance is saying "Okay, things now are this way, what can I do to make them how I'd like to?"). For example you can try giving yourself what you miss while waiting for someone else to give it to you again. You can look at photos, have a good cry as you do (it's not bad to cry, your body and heart free themselves this way, so do it freely when you need -but ofc, when it gets too much, you need to understand why and take some type of action to help yourself: ask for help, don't keep it all inside), maybe you can write letters to those people of 10 years ago and remembering things and then even burn those letters once you're done (may help you free yourself) or talk about this with someone else (a friend or anyone you feel like, even a professional figure if you need: they may help you navigate better your emotions and nostalgic feelings)... in general, take your time to first understand why and then grieve what you miss, what is not there anymore. We don't just grieve for people we are no more in contact with, we generally grieve for an emotional loss, and it could be of any type. So you missing those times and how cared you were, totally applies. (Btw you can find more infos about grieving online and on my other blog too, if you need). From a deeply nostalgic person to another one, let me tell you this: staying in the past doesn't help you move on and find again what you miss so bad (it will be in a different form maybe, but at the core will be the same). Be the person you need for yourself: take care of your inner child as you'd like your family to do with you. Protect them, love them. Hug them, play with them... Give them what they need (this doesn't mean you cannot receive from your parents at the same time. You can ask them for more love, and give to your inner child from yourself too. Sometimes the more the merrier, especially when we have these sad periods in which we feel particularly alone/abandoned/left out and crave for more affection and inclusion).

Back to the reading you asked about. I have been thinking about it and considering different povs for a lot, but my first impulse hasn't changed. Let me explain. When I channel messages from your past self (inner child) or your Guides and fs and all these energies, I do that with the main intention of giving you help and support/guidance in your present and future life. Having a letter from the past, where everything was different (you, your family, the situations you were in, the things you and your family didn't know back then but know now...), imo, won't change your present time nor make you feel better: those people you miss are not around you in that same form (the one your mind wants you to think about and miss or make you call a true family), and you too are not the receiver for that letter anymore: ofc, you all are also those people deep down, but you're not under those same conditions irl. You know exactly how they used to love you, and deep down it's still all there, but I don't think this huge need for affection you have is something you can heal or calm through a channeled message. Talk with your family irl or talk with someone else. Or journal about your feelings. Do not let resentment and lack feelings grow inside of you, they won't take you anywhere. Cause even if you read a sweet message from the past (let's suppose, Idk what you would get or if you would get anything at all) and then the reality you had to deal with was totally different (as it is), I don't think it could make you feel better nor comfort you. It would just make things more painful imo, bring you more questions and notice more what you lack now, and honestly I don't want my readings to bring pain to anyone.

IF you need a message about how to deal with your past, I am up for that. And I am up for a reading like "How to bring yourself closure" (despite I already have done that on insta). I will for sure make another reading about healing as it's already planned (plus, all of my 7 colors readings are about this at their core -and I think the Green reading may have some words for you too-), but I won't channel anything about a life has no reason to still be present in such a way for anyone (if not to learn from it or just sometimes remember goods/bads and then move on in the 3d). Sorry for being this blunt and not being able to help you but... I honestly don't think this would really help you to start with: the answers you seek probably are not there in the past where things felt better but here in your present where things feel so tough (and you already know them). The past is called past for a reason and I really hope you can understand this in the sweeter manner possible.

Take care of you, sending you a hug.<3

#.#asks

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thedreadvampy · 3 years ago

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not to be a dick but if you've been through actual university level art school and you still think that it's unreasonable bullying to be asked to push yourself or experiment with different art styles or to have aspects of your artwork criticised by people you asked for an opinion. what was the point of art school for you exactly?

when people say shit like 'my art school tutors told me my art was bad bc it was too anime and cartoonish ☹️' that may be true but I'm not gonna lie what I suspect happen is they told you 'you should work on developing a solid foundation for any art style you choose by pushing yourself to try more representational art Anne getting comfortable with ways of seeing and understanding images' and what you heard is 'NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO DRAW CARTOONS EVER AND YOUR WORK IS WORTHLESS'

and furthermore I suspect that you were really annoying in crits and took any even slightly negative comment or suggestion as a personal attack even though literally the point of art school is to learn to take and grow from constructive advice from your peers.

shout out to the girl on my undergrad who burst into tears literally every crit for three years even though about the nastiest thing anyone said to her was 'it might look cleaner if you rubbed out any of your pencil lines after inking and also used a clean rubber while sketching.' and guess whose art didn't improve at all over three years and whose technique actively got sloppier while other people were moving forward in leaps and bounds? yeah.

there were people who started uni as the best in the class and ended as some of the worst bc they just weren't prepared to listen to criticism or change how they did anything. and there were people who started out very mediocre and went on to produce incredible professional work to a high standard bc they listened and were open to change. and that's got nothing to do with who was more painterly and who was more cartoony or whatever it's just. when you ask advice and get something you don't want to hear do you chew on it and try it out or do you dig your heels in and do more of the same?

and like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sticking to your guns and doing art the way you want to do art and the way that brings you joy. I'm just saying if you don't want feedback, teaching or advice on how to improve I'm really not sure what the benefit of art school is that you couldn't get several thousand pounds cheaper by staying home and drawing there.

(and I'm also saying if you come out of art school like BOOHOO NOBODY LIKES MY STYLE AND MY ART IS WORTHLESS you might. need to pull yourself together and say either I'm committed to this style regardless of whether people like it and I'm going to keep building on this style and make it amazing, or I want to make art that's more like the work people like and I value, what could I change to get more where I want to go? but if you lie down and say waaaaaah it's so unfair that my art is bad and everyone else is just more talented than me then bullshit. by the time you've graduated art school talent is not the deciding factor in the quality of your work. it's a question of your willingness and capacity to put the work in, take criticism, understand what you want to achieve, and slog through trying and failing to get a certain effect until it improves. professional level art is not an innate talent it's a trained skill, and some people might start further along the path than others bc of their talent, eye or training, but the distance between someone who's talented but unpractised and someone who's less talented but puts a lot of thought and work in closes extremely rapidly. it can be disheartening but if you want to do this professionally rather than for yourself you gotta feel your frustration, have a good scream and cry about it, then get back in to figuring out what you need to build on. bc we're all guilty of sometimes going HOWEVER HARD I WORK I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY PEERS but no offence if you just lie down and give up where does that get you? if you just start going 'actually you should all feel bad for not liking my work more' instead of making your work more appealing or finding the right audience for it, that's on you not on anyone else. what was the point of art school????)

#needless bitching time #i just. i don't understand why you'd pay thousands of pounds a year to get constructive feedback #and then spend the year treating any feedback as a personal attack #save your money my guy of you want to do it on your own and you don't think other people have anything to tell you #then don't pay 6 grand a year to not listen to other people's advice #saw three consecutive art posts on here of ppl being like MY TUTORS TOLD ME NOT TO DO ANIME ART BC THEY JUST DON'T GET ME #WHY ARE ALL MY PEERS DOING BETTER THAN ME DESPITE US ALL GRADUATING AT THE SAME TIME #friends it's not bc you do anime art it's bc they tried new things and learnt new skills and you dug your heels in bc anime is What You Do #but like. successful cartoonists and anime artists are ppl who've at least had a crack at life drawing and realism #to know what they're stylising and how #I'm sure there's some teachers going NO ANIME EVER but I'm p sure most of your tutors were actually saying #don't just do anime bc it's what you know how to do. try other styles bc even if you're bad at them you'll learn something #it's not just anime like. ppl who come in only doing photorealism are pushed to stylise more.#you should be pushed out of your comfort zone. different styles. different media. that's not where you're being asked to END UP.#it's a LEARNING PROCESS #like a lot of my direct tutelage was like. pushing me to do looser more gestural blockier art #use an a6 piece of paper and a fat marker pen for life drawing #or no lines only blocks of shadow #or use a 3 colour palette with no midtones #or draw 30 thumbnails in a minute #and the art i made like that SUUUUUUUUUCKED. and it's meant to. it's not meant to be how you work from now on.#it's meant to help you identify what you're missing and where your blind spots are #and what you can incorporate into your work moving forward #red said

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