#i may have started to those about to die yesterday

[crossbackpoke-check]

do you guys um. mods asleep anyone on the dash want to read 1.5k of roman history (tatd) fic i would be christening (haha) the tag for. and also help brainstorm with me to make it more than a scene but not an entire Plot 🙏

[ratioaven]

spoilers for 2.1 !!!!!!!

aventurine rant, please keep in my mind that these are my own thoughts and interpretations. im extremely sleep deprived lol so im sorry if i got anything wrong

something thats been on my mind since yesterday are these lines.

from the start to me, it was very clear aventurine had self esteem/worth issues because of how he treats his own life, but the line that says “the other hand is below the table, clutching your chips for dear life” stuck out to me.

i always assumed aventurine was so incredibly confident in his luck but in reality he is afraid. he’s terrified that he’ll lose. it’s an act. he convinces himself, he fools himself, he forces himself to act like he’s confident he’ll win, when in reality even if he does win, he’s still clutching his chips under the table for dear life because of how terrified he is of losing.

that really messed with me to be honest. i feel tricked and what’s ironic is that he tricks his opponents into thinking he’s confident, and he also tricked ME the player but really, this made my heart break in two because i had absolutely no clue up until now.

so why does he act this way

all throughout his life, aventurine has had his pride stripped away. just try to imagine being in his shoes. i myself do not think i could deal with the situations he was put in. i cannot stress this enough, aventurine has a mark on his neck that screams to him that he has once belonged to someone. he has had his pride stripped away from him countless times. but it’s ironic because aventurine is introduced as a very prideful and flashy man. you start to realize the front aventurine puts on is his own way of protecting himself. it’s how he’s able to live basically. i wanna go into more detail but i will later.

as it was said before, aventurine is an uptight person who worries. he is extremely afraid of losing and he has a massive inferiority complex. aventurine may seem like a go lucky person on the outside, but in actuality he is not. he is not happy. he has no self worth, he believes he has nothing to live for, and he has no problem with throwing his life away. aventurine believes the only good thing he brings to the table is his luck.

but this brings me to my next point.

aventurine may not realize it, but he is so much more than his luck. he has so many good qualities and he doesn’t seem to realize it. even if some of it may be an act, he’s still able to pull it off. he’s still an intelligent business man who is both charming and cunning EVEN if it may be an act, those are still amazing qualities to have in his line of work.

but more importantly, aventurine chose to live. despite witnessing his family die, being a slave, and tortured, he chose to live. he chooses to. i cannot stress this enough. this man has gone through hell and back. he truly has had an incredibly difficult life to the point where my heart hurts so so badly for him. he made the decision to stay alive.

that says more than enough about his character.

and last but not least, aventurine wants one thing, and that is to be with his family. he’s witnessed horrible things in his life that no one should ever go through. he lost everyone close to him, he lost his people. he has nothing to live for and he values his life so little to the point where he has no problem with dying. the only real thing that he wants is just to see his family.

and he will one day, but in the meantime, i genuinely hope this man can find a reason to live, and ratio already gave him one just by that note. i just truly wish aventurine happiness while he lives the rest of his life.

i guess this is a topic that really hits me hard because i know all too well that choosing to live life isn’t easy sometimes and i just love aventurine.

let’s all appreciate how truly amazing his character is.

[writer-logbook]

5 tips for proofreading & their pros and cons

Define your objectives for each chapter. In my case, some of my chapters are better written than others. My objectives for them will differ. Before starting my proofreading, I list my needs and areas of improvements, and I write them down somewhere so I have them in front of me rather than in my head alone.

Pros : allows you to know which points you need to focus on ; provides a guideline adapted to your needs.

Cons : risk of losing homogeneity and fluidity + flaws may be shifted to other chapters that didn't have them before due to a sudden imbalance.

Plan several proofreading sessions, each one of them addressing ONE NEED AT A TIME. (E.g., one for grammar, another for style, and a final one for coherence. ) And I insist on the "one need at a time" part. Even for those who can multitask (unlike me), I really don't recommend settling for a single proofreading session. It could interfere with your concentration and let you skip some flaws. And please, always give your chapter a final read after your edits to ensure that the elements make sense as a whole, and are not repeated every two paragraphs (I plead guilty, your honor)

Pros: allows you to focus precisely on each point, and give it dedicated attention.

Cons: you can quickly get confused and risk multiple re-readings + significant time investment.

I make my corrections on a separate file. Whatever you do, it's always better to have a backup and therefore to save your files (don't blindly trust autosave) to create archives. I think it's a two-ways process : 1) you open two files simultaneously, one with your V1 and one, blank, where you'll rewrite your chapter as you make changes. Eventually, this new doc will become your V2 ; 2) you copy the parts to proofread into a new document and edit directly in there.

Pros: allows you to rewrite as you wish without being discouraged by the following paragraphs - especially in case of the first way.

Cons: requires multiple files (maybe multiple screens to be at ease) and better organization.

Change the typography. I don't know about you, but after a while, I'm struck by semantic satiation (click on the link - it's Wikipedia -, it's very interesting) and nothing makes sense anymore. After the 52,846th proofreading, I might as well read in another language. I've found a relatively effective trick - not as effective as a complete break, but sometimes you need to move forward - which consists of changing the typography. I can't remember who gave me this advice though, but be sure they've been thanked more than enough in my mind. In any case, seeing words change their shape significantly helps my brain to stay focused and attentive. (Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me but I only see the results.)

Pros: it's simple to implement.

Cons: I don't know if this trick works for everyone or if I'm the only weirdo (you can tell me in the comment section).

Take notes. This is a very personal tip but I keep a proofreading logbook. Like, I record in a few sentences the first time an element is mentioned, how it's describes, and most importantly… I MENTION THE DATES. The story I'm currently writing is heavily governed by a chronological system, so I have an absolute need to keep the day count up to date.

Pros: helps avoid inconsistencies and oversights.

Cons: very tedious to maintain and creates (a lot) of extra work.

I've started my prooreading journey yesterday and I already want to die. If I find in the edits something that is worth making a post, be sure that I will. Or let me know if you're simply curious.

Gentle reminder : Best is the worst enemy of good so, at some point, you'll have to let it go and let your chapter live its life to its fullest. Don't be hard on yourself and be proud of your work - or know that I am.

[chaniceroses]

Bad Boys Ride Or Die: (Armando x Reader) PART THREE

After a hectic day yesterday. You, Mike and Marcus spent the rest of the day making phone calls and writing down names of those who were close to Captain Howard. You are currently  in your living room, you followed suit with not  going into work with Mike and Marcus since you knew that the whole precinct was pretty much against Howard. 

You found yourself looking at a picture of you, Howard and the boys at a summer basketball game of one of his family members. Life had seemed to be so easier to you then, besides the fact that once you had left he was later shot and killed.

“We have your back Captain.”, you whispered looking at the photo. Before you could finish your thoughts you were interrupted by your phone ringing. It was Mike.

“Hey, what’s up.”, you asked, grabbing your purse and looking around for your keys.

“We’re getting ready to head over to the prison, we can come pick you up.”

“No, I’ll meet you there. Heading out now.”, you replied, spotting your keys on the counter.

“Okay.”

You and Mike’s conversation ended. Short and quick, that is how you like it. You’re not much of a talkative person, unless it's something interesting. You went to grab your keys when you noticed once again that your window was slightly up. It kind of gave you the chills but you didn’t know why. You turned around and took a quick glance of your house, scanning the corners and the dark areas. You felt something but also nothing at all.

“I always come by this window, I probably forgot to pull it back down.”, you muttered, shutting it and locking it. You left your home with an odd feeling in your stomach. You weren't sure if it was because you're about to meet Captain Howard’s murderer or the fact that every time you enter your living room, your window is always up.

As you walked to your car, you were stopped by a little kid riding his bike into your driveway. It was the little boy that lives down the street from you, he always comes over to spend time with you when you are home.

“How can I help you?”, you asked, setting your bag on top of your car and walking up to him.

“Why are you coming home late all the time?”, he asked with the softest voice you’ve ever heard. You had a thing for children, well the adorable soft spoken ones. The badass ones you couldn’t stand, you felt that they are demons in children's skin.

“Remember the fake badge I gave you. I’m a police officer, that will happen.”, you smiled, kneeling down to his level. 

“Yeah but multiple times a night?”he asked, tilting his head. You could tell that he was genuinely confused, which made you lost also.

“What do you mean?”, you questioned standing up to brush your pants.

“I see you come home late, sorry for spying. I'm just so worried. I watch tv and I see what happens.”, he replied, lowering his head. You could tell that he was sad but also genuine. You lifted his head and stared at him into his eyes. His thick glasses made his eyes way bigger than they are and younger than he looked.

“You have nothing to worry about, okay, lady bug. Once I'm free, we can hangout. I know that your grandparents wouldn’t mind.”, you smiled. Lady Bug is the nickname that you gave him. You never learned his actual real name but because he stays in your yard to catch them, you decided to start calling him that.

“Okay.”, he smiled, pulling out of your driveway and riding away. You watched as his training wheels wobbled. He had to be around five or six. However, you never thought to ask.

You grabbed your bag off the top of your car and got inside. You weren’t the type to listen to music while driving, especially during stressful times. You felt the need to drive in silence so you can collect your thoughts and create a plan. Just in case Marcus and Mike don’t have one, which you know that they never do.

It makes you nervous and nauseous, which means what’s happening right now may become worse. Your body never lies, so believe what it is trying to tell you. 

The drive over to the prison took a while but eventually you made it. You pulled up to see Mike and Marcus waiting on you near the entrance. The prison was huge, which means those who were in there had to do some pretty horrible things. After parking next to Mike’s car and walking up to them, you could see the hesitant expression across Mike’s face.

“You ready?”you asked, patting him on his back. He looked at you and replied with a “yes” by shaking his head. It was hot outside with a slight cool breeze, however with the sun beaming onto the three of you backs. You were ready to go in with or without him. The walk inside was long. Alarms were going off left and right, which means something just went down. The three of you were met by the security guards.

“Armando Armas.”, Mike said, lifting up his badge. The guard shifted his eyes towards you and Marcus which made you reply by showing yours.

“Follow Me.”, the guard waved, leading you three towards a dark hallway.

The hallway was long, wet and warm. Each door had a small hole that allowed the prisoners to take a peek. Which led you to being cat-called by all types of men: sticking their tongues out, making sexual gestures and cussing at you.

“Ignore them, they’re animals.”, Marcus laughed, turning his head to look at you.

“Oh trust, they’re not bothering me at all.”, you whispered looking at each door that you passed.

After what felt like forever, you Mike and Marcus finally made it to the door at the end of the hallway. Walking in to see several cages inside the room, with a person inside of them. You followed Marcus and Mike as they walked up to a specific cage in the center of the area, in front of a guard’s desk.

“We need your help.”, Mike whispered looking at the guy inside of the cage.

“This must be Armando.”, you thought to yourself. No response, he just looked at Mike with a smirk on his face.An annoyed one at that. You examined as sweat dripped across his forehead and exposed chest. Which allowed his body to glisten.

“What could I possibly help you with?”he asked, annoyingly shifting his eyes from Mike to Marcus. You watched how he was holding on to the poles, revealing the bruises that were on his knuckles. Was he the reason why the alarms were going off earlier?

“I know that you have connections with the Cartel. You were with them.”, Mike continued stepping closer to him, which allowed you to be in Armando’s line of vision. 

You slightly shifted your head towards the guard at the desk, to notice him looking at you guys. He was listening but for what reason?

“She’s with you?”he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. You quickly turned around to see him looking at you. He was studying your body with his eyes,  shifting the conversation. Which wasn’t needed.

“Look, we can help you if you help us.”, you replied, taking a small step towards the cage.

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, I bite. I’m an “animal” remember.”, he smirked, stroking the beard that was on his face. You felt your breath hitched, which made you reply with silence. He caught on.

“Now how the hell did he hear that.”, Marcus answered in shock looking at you and then back to him.

“I hear everything, I know everything.”, he replied, keeping his eyes on you. 

Marcus was right, you could tell just by the way he is acting that he has a big ass ego just like Mike. You hate guys with egos.

“Plus, what are you? A lawyer?”, he continued walking to the back of the cage, keeping his back towards you.

  “No. I’m a-”

“She’s our partner.”Marcus interrupted, looking at you. You watched as Mike shook his head in agreement. It made you feel good.

“Okay well…what does any of this have to do with me?”

“I thought you “hear everything…know everything”, Marcus mocked.

“Do you need my help or not?”, he said, turning around to sit down.

“We do. Howard is being framed by some heavy people, but we have no clue who.”, Mike explained walking up to the cage.

“We know that you know the Cartel very well, since you were in it. We know that you can help us prove Howard’s innocence.”, Marcus answered, following Mike.

You felt that maybe you should say something but you allowed it to be between them three. You watched as he stared at Marcus and Mike as if he had fallen deep into his thoughts. 

“You want me, the person who killed your friend. To help you guys prove that he is innocent.”, he replied, looking around as if he was trying to find an answer.

“I can do that…but what about me?”, he continued. Now he’s looking at you. Hard. His eyes are dark brown and is searching for an answer. He’s leaning his back against the cage with his hips shifted forward, allowing you to not only see the slight abs that he has while sweat drips down it but the print that is trying to make an appearance. You didn’t respond, you didn’t break eye-contact. You just stared at him because you love to challenge men. Especially the dangerous ones.

“There’s not much I can do for now but I can work on shortening your sentence and having you transported and then afterwards we will see.”, Mike answered, looking at Armando for an answer. 

“I can help but you have to be ready, shit may go down.”, he replied, his breathing picking up speed. You can tell that he didn’t want to do it, you could see it all over his body.  He never once took his eyes off of you, even after answering. 

“Well we got our answer.”, you waved off , breaking the staring-contest that was happening between you and Armando.

“You will hear from us when we-”

“Her.”, he interrupted, pointing right at you. “I want to hear from her, and she will be on the bus when they take me to be transported.”, he demanded. 

“Okay.”, you replied, shrugging your shoulders. You watched as Mike and Marcus quickly turned to you in disagreement.

“Hello no, y/n. Not by yourself.”, Marcus argued, shaking his head. “This man is dangerous.”

“So, I’ll be cuffed on the bus.”, he debated, getting up and walking towards the front of the bars.

“Look, we do what we have to do and whatever will work.”, you answered looking at Marcus then at Mike.

“Plus, nothing will go down. Unless she of course wants something too…I wouldn’t mind.”, he smiled, lifting up his hands.

“She’ll be by herself on the bus, we will meet her at the plane and we ALL will be there while he’s being transported. Together.”Mike confirmed looking at you and then at Marcus and Armando.

You watched as Marcus shook his head and Armando smirked in response. 

“Why does he want me to ride with him?”, you thought.

You watched as Mike's phone went off and stood there looking at him while he answered. It was a short conversation because it led with Mike pulling you and Marcus to the side afterwards.

“Dorn and Kelly have something for us to watch. We need to go meet with them.”, He replied looking around and then looking back at you and Marcus. 

“Well let's go.”, Marcus said heading towards the door.

“Be ready. Y/n and some people will be here to pick you up, once I get everything set up.”, Mike said, looking back at Armando.

“Can’t wait…”, he replied sarcastically, leaning his head against the bars. 

You stared at him for a split second and then headed towards the door when you heard Armando call your name.

“What?”, you asked, turning your head slightly enough to where he can see that he has your attention.

“Don’t be late.”, he flirted. You watched as the red light beamed over him, allowing different silhouettes to occur. You knew that he would have a huge ego but you didn’t know that his looks and personality would match up to it. Mike left his hand out to you, to allow you to walk out the door first while Marcus held it.

You could hear the door locking behind you and the catcalling starting up again as you walked down the hallway.

“Y/n we don’t know Armando that well so try to be careful on the bus.”, Marcus suggested looking at you.

“Most definitely.”, you replied, rubbing your hands across your face. You were now second-guessing the decision that you made, even though you felt that it would be best. Armando wasn’t just some normal guy or killer, he was something serious and far more dangerous than the average ones. 

His looks and his personality didn’t help. You thanked God that you’ve been in the game for a long time because if you were freshly new, he would’ve had you the moment you walked in, especially with his accent and the way he carried himself. His energy is strong.

“I know that he’s not just a regular killer because he damn near killed you guys…If we're going to be honest here. However, I know what I am doing.” you added. 

“Well we trust you because Captain did and we trusted Captain. So let's go see what this video is about.”Mike responded.

You guys made it out of the prison and left. The whole time while you were on the road, you kept thinking about him. The way he looked at you, it wasn't the “undressing you with my eyes”kind of look… It was a different kind of stare, you just didn’t know exactly what. He's on  your mind and so is his voice. 

“This should be interesting.”, you sighed while being consumed by silence.

[despairots]

miles 42 and miles 1610 are twins and fight over reader and try to impress her and stuff

━━━━━━━━ talk about first impressions.

earth1610! miles morales x gn! reader x earth42! miles morales. fluff and warning, there’s some suggestive comments from grown adults. i started this yesterday but im posting once/twice a day until i burn myself out from writing and deleting requests. reader is like peni parker. ignore the description, my brain was idk.

please remember that in my last oneshot, earth 1610 miles will be spiderman and earth 42 miles will be the prowler, the two are vigilantes, keep that in mind. also you’re an anarchist lolsies!!1!1! the spanish translation might not be accurate. leaving this on a cliffhanger too LMFAO. you’re always an anarchist in these oneshots.

where the morales twins can’t help but fall for the technology nerd who can do a lot of things, trying to impress you and gift you stuff in public, and with you, obviously being a talented person, you apparently have a lot of admirers, especially weird, old, strange adults.

you sighed in embarrassment at the two morales twins trying one up eachother with giving gifts to you or impressing you. some people would call you lucky, some would be jealous of you.

being fought over the two most attractive guys in brooklyn vision who may look the same but act like polar opposites is a nightmare.

the two may be extremely smart and artistic but they for sure, had different personalities.

miles morales is smart and passionate, committed to others before himself. he has a lot of love for science and art, which he got from his mother, making inventions since he was younger.

the two are both suckers for music, mixing beats as a hobby with their uncle aaron when they were younger.

miles is sociable around crowds, as even when he struggled to fit in after moving to brooklyn vision, would often start conversations with those he came across on the street.

though many of his acts are selfless, mikes is partly driven by low self-confidence in his own abilities, feeling smaller than he is.

since becoming spiderman, miles is extremely eager to help others. this is as much to his credit as it is to his detriment, as he will often put himself in grave, life-threatening danger, in his quest to protect his friends and those he cares about.

myles morales, on the other hand, may also be smart but he’s closed off only being carefree with you and his twin brother. he also has a lot of love for art, spray painting with his brother.

myles isn’t one to talk, again, he’s closed off and usually upholds a stoic persona, opposed to his brother who doesn’t have a problem showing how passionate and cheerful he is.

with him being the prowler, and technically being labeled as ‘spidermans rival’, ignoring that the prowler is his own being. he had a strong morality of protecting his family and you after his father had died.

to which leads him also going into life-threatening dangers.

“[name], do you have any idea how lucky you? like, i would die to be in your spot!” you rolled your eyes at that sentence, “then do it.” your snark reply made a few people in the hallway snicker.

now back to you, [name] [lastname], the robot-technology-hacking loving nerd that grew with the morales twins and them fighting over you, it’s not something that’s lucky.

that constantly one-upped eachother to gain your attention, to the point they wouldn’t HESITATE to embarrass eachother in front of you along with literally fighting who got the best present for you.

it didn’t help since you liked both of them, i mean, how couldn’t you not like them? they were literally labeled ‘most attractive boys alive’ and their personality didn’t help, why do you think you fell deeply in love?

“i got the best gift-“

“i did!”

your bestfriend, gwen stacy, sneaked her arm around you, “i obviously did.” she gave you a smug looked as you sighed in your hands with embarrassment, remembering the time you two accidentally kissed (more like pecked eachother on the lip).

you two vowed to never talk about that again but since that was two years ago, you guys are all 15 by the way, which you guys were 13 by the time she stole your first kiss.

the morales twins didn’t like that, uhh, next!

“ahora no es el momento, gwen.” you muttered, expressing massive stress from the two and the welcomed gwen, “i — uh, failed spanish.” you made a ‘that’s-the-point-‘ look.

“siempre suenas bien hablando en español.” myles commented, shooing gwen’s arm off your shoulder and throwing his arm over yours instead.

“get apagado de [nombre], myles.” miles rolled his eyes and scoffed at his twin, “at least i get an a+ in spanish.” miles gasped at the comment with offence.

“this is why you’re failing science, estúpido!”

“estoy siendo peleado por gemelos estúpidos.” you pinched the bridge of your nose before sneaking out between the twins quarrel, heading over to foam party.

did i mention that you won awards and was on the news for making a working robot suit and finding out how to time travel?

mutters and comments were heard in the coffee shop, irritating your already bad headache. ‘i hate society.’ you rubbed your temples, before ordering your drink and waited.

apparently those minutes of waiting, you got… weird, suggestive comments from grown adults. your face scrunched up every time they said something about you.

“that shirt really compliments your curves.”

you’re were just 15.

“you’ll find a person just like me.”

they were in their late 30s.

“how ‘bout instead of wasting your pretty little time in this coffee shop, you come to my place.”

you just wanted your coffee.

“can i get your number?”

stop.

“you’re really sexy.”

stop it.

they tried grabbing your hand.

“i’ll treat you better.”

stop it. they tried kissing your hand before someone clocked them in the face, “aren’t you an adult, man?” miles’ voice was heard beside your ear as he tried comforting you.

myles rubbed his knuckles with a grossed look on his face. they saw that they were harassing you as you tried to move away from them, worst thing yet, nobody tried to do anything.

they saw what was happening but didn’t help, god they really hated adults.

“acércate a ellos, y será mucho peor que un puñetazo en la cara.” they ran off, myles grabbed your order as the three of you left. it was quiet, too quiet for your looking.

“i could’ve handled that y’know—“ miles handed you a box, opening it to which showed a necklace with a charm that was your hacker logo. you could feel the myles’ eye twitched.

“remember i got [name] a car—“

“shut the hell up, man!”

[name] after the morales twins keep giving them money and gifts.

[verstappentime]

haven't shared anything new in a bit so here's the start of a maxiel bit where max was actually just hormonal in hungary and that's why he was cranky.

(tw: there's like a brief description of max puking here, apologies.)

max has to tell medical, because he’s afraid if something is really wrong, he might bleed out or something.

the medic says he’s fine, presses all over his abdomen and checks for tenderness and all that. they suggest he go to a real doctor, and tell him deciding to race was really stupid. he snaps something about how he knows that, thanks.

he’e still shaking when he walks back, has been since GP told him he crashed hard enough to alert medical.

he can’t pay attention to the debrief, can only think about the little app on his phone telling him the baby is the size of a tadpole or whatever. he thinks it would make him feel better to look at it, to remember how much cushioning they have in there, but he hasn’t got his phone back yet.

they keep asking him questions; he just nods or shakes his head, all of that simmering anger from before gone as fast as it came. just fucking hormones again, probably.

he has to leave the debrief to go throw up. he’s almost too late realizing the anxiety has turned into real illness.

he nearly knocks his chair over, pressing a hand to his chest like he can stem the burning as he fumbles to get out of the room. it always starts with a roll of nausea, then acid reflux, then. yeah.

he’s managed to go the whole day, the whole race, thank god, without this happening. he probably should have appreciated it more while he could, because he’s currently regurgitating all the water he had after the race and cold sweating and he might as well die here.

he’s embarrassed enough by the whole fucking day, by how mad he got at GP, at how the things he said must have cut hannah. and now he’s– now this is happening, and someone is probably going to come look for him, because he made it obvious what was happening. or, worse, tell daniel to look for him, and then he’ll have to make up some dumb story and get caught, because he’s an awful liar.

there’s a knock on the door. “max.” it’s brad, not daniel. at least he’s won something.

he coughs, chest heaving. the worst of it may be over. “present,” he says, voice scratchy. his throat is starting to get raw after the past week of what he is really trying not to let himself call morning sickness, because he’s in denial, which is fine as long as he’s self-aware about it, and also because it’s not just the morning, just whatever fucking time his body decides it will be.

“can i open the door? i have gatorade for you.”

“yeah, go ahead.” he really doesn’t want anyone to see him sitting on the fucking bathroom floor, but his head is throbbing now, and he’s really not trying to make anything worse.

brad doesn’t look phased, at least. he crouches down and hands max an orange gatorade. he’s got two more tucked under his arm. “you look rough, man.”

max a tiny sip. he’s glad it’s something with sugar. water tastes fucking awful the past few days. “thanks,” he mumbles.

“you looked bad yesterday, too,” brad says, conversational.

he knows he did. he was nauseous and moody and exhausted. he yelled at GP about the fucking rain. “thank you for the concern.”

brad rolls his eyes and points to the gatorade, “drink the rest of that. how dehydrated do you feel?”

“i’ll drink it.” max rubs his forehead. he doesn’t want an IV or anything. they made him do that last time he was sick after a race. he takes a long sip; it actually tastes alright. “see? i’m drinking it.”

brad gives him a look, like i’m watching you. “going to tell me what’s going on?”

max closes his eyes, letting the back of his head thunk against the wall. he doesn’t know why he can’t be one of those people with no symptoms. he hasn’t told anyone, didn’t want to until he made it through this weekend. he wanted to tell victoria first, cry down the phone and let her tell him what to do. fuck.

“what does it look like?” it doesn’t even sound mean. he’s too tired to make it mean, and his voice cracks, even though he really, really didn’t want it to. “could you just– can you get daniel, actually?”

[piracytheorist]

Season Finale, woe is me T_T

Where did time go. It feels like yesterday that the first trailer for the season dropped.

AND THIS EPISODE DARES START WITH YOR HUMMING THE LULLABY

How dare they. Did I ask to be emotionally destroyed like this Yes I did

Bond is so happy to go for a walk with Loid! And Loid isn't exactly reserved with petting his huge dog is he.

I love how heartbroken Bond was over Anya saying she wasn't coming. He even looked back at her as Loid walked him to the exit.

It actually impresses me that Loid is training Bond right out in public, talking to him about where to bite and how much to make sure the target doesn't get too injured. I guess he doesn't expect the SSS to frequent a dog park?

I love the little pat Loid did on his leg to call Bond back. And then of course pet his head :)

Poor Franky's putting up with so much from Twilight, and he doesn't have to. I hope Twilight appreciates that at some point. I'm sure he hasn't developed feelings just for his family.

Sweet cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Franky talks about how Bond may have associated training with his trauma from getting experimented on, and it sounds like brand new info to Twilight. I guess, despite how much his spy training has scarred him, Twilight has a hard time connecting "having bad memories about something" with "not wanting to engage with that something". After all, he'd spent who knows how long telling himself that he hated children because they're incomprehensible to him, and not because children crying reminded him of his own desperate times. After all, it's easier to do his job and keep training hard if he refuses to accept how soul-crushing that job is, right?

Damn, I got sad again. Because I imagine post-reveal Loid and Yor asking Anya why she chose them, and she says that she thought they were cool, and Loid has a RealizationTM that no he's actually very messed up and it's very sad that this little girl imagined that this devastating way of life could actually look cool to someone from the outside.

Not to worry, there's more angst I'll pull out of nowhere down the road!

Franky calling Loid out for not knowing how to relax and have fun >>>>

I love how after Franky left, Loid and Bond looked at each other like idiots. Old habits die hard, and an entire cruise of Loid trying to relax and have fun wouldn't be enough to break them, I guess XD

She's like "If I can't get real stars might as well fake some" Poor Yor continuing to clap happily even while Anya's origami star fell from her chest XD it taught her how to properly apply tape I guess, for later...

Pretty much everyone around them is wearing winter clothes, even Loid is wearing a turtleneck and a heavy coat. Why are those children in such light clothes eating ice cream? The boy on the left we even see later is wearing shorts

Guess an ice cream was an easy kind of snack for a kid to feel bad about dropping XD

Sweet Bond! He's imagining Loid praising him and telling him he's glad they adopted him, and all while Bond is wagging his tail 😭😭

This family is just four lonely creatures desperate to be wanted (even if Twilight is very far from accepting that) aren't they ;_;

Ice cream goes RIP and Bond has his (probably) first experience of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look at him he's so 🥺

Later in the episode, Twilight goes all strict with himself for a laugh. Here though, he actually expresses distress and guilt for Bond ruining the kid's ice cream. He could have gone for a simple "I'll buy you a new one" without showing that much emotion in his expression and voice. In the manga he even has a typical "cold sweat lines" expression.

Or however you call that.

I don't know, maybe it circles back to any "starving war orphan" trauma he may be trying to tell himself he doesn't have...

I'm just saying, he was very expressive here, and he didn't have to. It wasn't a conscious choice.

Bond is really such a good boy. Every time he acts on his visions is to help someone else. From something as trivial as dropping a snack to something as important as saving someone's life, whether they're a kid, an old man, or a puppy, Bond is truly a very empathetic and caring creature.

However, the silly music playing over the vision of the old man getting hit was... a choice XD

Yet another example of the anime putting details to help the narrative: the old man is hunched, making him short enough that the corner of the wall/fence to his side is actually covering him. Which makes the biker not seeing him make sense, since he was behind the fence and appeared at the last second.

I actually felt shivers with the tone Twilight used here. Bond's behaviour is making no sense and is actually a first.

But also, Bond is probably only now realizing that unlike Anya, Loid cannot read his mind and cannot see his good intentions. He knows Anya would jump for joy for what he did, but since two of his efforts to help were met with reprimands, he's hesitant to try again because his trauma rears its ugly head and he fears he'll get kicked out. He probably doesn't understand that Loid doesn't know anything about his special powers, and so he can't let Loid's reprimands pass by him unaffected.

It's a bit similar to how he probably connects bad food with bad intentions, and thus fears that Yor will be mean to him, since she makes such horrible meals.

And so he allows the woman to get bird poop on her, but he jumps to action when he realizes someone's life may be in danger of the fire.

And first, I know we talk about how strong Yor is, but can we for a moment talk about how Loid held back this absolute beast of a dog?

Like, Loid allowed him to carry him around twice, but when he felt things got serious, he actually had no issue holding him back. It was only when Bond looked legitimately scary that he let go.

And that was... a shock. Have we ever seen Twilight like that before? Cause he genuinely looks like he hesitated out of fear... and maybe realizing that no, this time Bond is actually dead serious.

Bond probably didn't know what he would be looking for once he stepped inside the burning building. I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who thought that that "Daisy" was a child... but maybe Bond is more attuned to scents of other dogs, especially little ones that need help, so he could find the puppy amidst all the burning smells.

Badass Loid saving his doggo!

Loid doesn't hesitate to run in after him, either. Even the idea that Bond could be rescuing someone is enough for him to take that risk. I love how, after two attempts of what Loid thought was Bond attacking innocent people, he still believes Bond would have a good reason to run into a burning building and runs after him to help.

I mean, you also ran into that building to save your - for all you know, disobedient - dog, so maybe it's the pot calling the kettle black XD

How sweet is he, though. He really doesn't believe in reprimanding someone after the fact - Bond running into fire was dangerous, but it helped save an innocent life... and Twilight's priorities are very clearly shown in that reaction!

I love how man saves dog, dog saves man, and then Twilight is like "Wow your nose is incredible" because of course he can't think of another explanation, and Bond's affirmative borf there sounds like "Yeah sure, buddy. It's my "nose" alright."

Even though it's only Bond with him, Twilight uses "Twilight voice" as he assesses the situation, and "Loid voice" when he talks to Bond. Is this him putting on a mask... or feeling a little more comfortable around Bond?

I'M HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO TILL THE END OF THE NIGHT

That was so badass! But then!

Miserable creature

Exactly how much water was in that bucket to make Bond's entire massive fur soaking wet XD

This is both so wholesome and, me being me, so fucking heartbreaking at the same time. Like, the other guy let himself laugh his heart out at how Bond looked, but Twilight barely allowed a single sound out of his mouth that he couldn't control. And again, angst is my wont, so it really ruins me that he's not even letting himself laugh over something ridiculous, because he can't let his emotions show... even if it would be totally understandable for him to laugh at that moment.

I mean, as I said, he showed genuine distress when Bond caused the boy to drop his ice cream, but he stopped himself from laughing even when the other guy next to him was laughing too. As in, he allows negative expressions when it's appropriate, but not positive even when it's appropriate and understandable.

I mean, he has been smiling at his family and looking at Yor like the besotted simp he is... but he doesn't realize just how much of his real feelings pour through his face, exactly because he hasn't realized said feelings. Wet Bond was a much clearer example of something funny, so he knew that laughing would be a loss of control...

Anyway what I'm saying is it's sad. He shouldn't feel he has to repress his own laugh like that.

Kinda sad the anime omitted this still-trying-not-to-laugh expression Loid has as he sees Bond sniff around.

Bond's voice adafhgdsfdgfdgd

Arsonist guy is watching sneakily from a corner while wearing a hat that has "Fire" written on it.

Dude couldn't have been more suspicious if he tried.

Pretty sick how he got even more excited at the idea of someone dying from the fire, when he heard the woman say how Daisy was still trapped inside.

Vigilante Bond! Arsonist guy takes out his knife and tells Bond to not be disrespectful of humans and my dude you're the one setting people's lives at risk and having a blast about it

We haven't seen Twilight in such action in a while, have we! Ngl it was kinda, uhm... 😳😳

LOOK AT HIM! So proud of his doggo 😭😭

He then says how it would be bad if either of them were in the news... and you're reminded that this is fictional but still pretty accurate 60s-70s so Twilight has really avoided getting any picture of him published. But also Bond could indeed be recognized by any of the scientists... and it's actually sweet how Twilight cares for Bond's secret not getting out. He helped Bond with his "revenge" and now he's acting to protect him from getting targeted again.

I love how Bond fears he'll get reprimanded for biting the arsonist's leg and not arm... when in the beginning Twilight very clearly said he can bite either a leg or an arm XD

BUT THEN

He tells Bond how "someone" will be sad if anything happens to him (Bond), (and we get a sweet af montage of Anya and Bond having fun together), how Bond is first and foremost a part of the family, how his working duties should come second and he should look after himself...

Oh it's gonna hit him like a brick wall when he realizes the exact same things apply to him 😭

SHUT UP AND LET THE BESTEST BOI LOVE YOU 😭

He's not gonna tell anyone, promise 🥺

And he ends with a promise to go to the dog park the next day so that Bond can have some long overdue fun. Yeah definitely a very detached, cool-headed spy who only cares about the mission not destabilizing. Sure.

The anime did offer us some extra stuff, though!

I love one (1) gremlin

I actually saw it as a knife, too XD

I love her.

I fully expected to see the paper puppets (or whatever you call those) fall apart like Yor's victims' bodies do XD I was not disappointed XD

Anya is still working on accepting that her mother is not very capable of not sprinkling "murder" on anything in her life XD

Loid isn't wearing his coat when they return...

I am amazed that they've had Bond for, how many months has it been now? And yet neither Loid nor Anya had ever seen him wet.

Anyway, Loid appeared back without his coat because his excuse was that someone had sprayed water all over them, so he took it off XD

But where is his coat even XD

Her heroes!

And of course Loid doesn't know Anya knows about the puppy rescue, so he's not that affected by the "Stella" and is instead going like "Yo but could you get going with earning those stars already". He's not used to getting recognition for his hard work and he's not about to start... yet...

The closing montage was so sweet! Especially with the holidays around the corner, it was very fitting to see the children having fun and relaxing, Yuri being very NormalTM, Nightfall and Franky having dreams for the future, and the Forger family having their celebrating dinner!

I love them so much.

And thus, the season has ended, and this anime only will start wondering how her Saturdays will pass from now on :')

I am thinking of doing more crack recaps, finishing my character screen time project, and probably starting on some fics... but for a very specific reason, the completion of those will have to wait until the next season ;)

This was a wonderful season! I may have rewatched every episode almost three times, but I do wanna do a "recap" full rewatch of the season at some point, and share my overall thoughts. I certainly have a lot of time on my hands for that XD

[trentslocss]

Happy as ever pt.2 -TAA

Pairing: Reader x Dad!Trent Alexander Arnold

Warnings: None. As fluffy as fluff can be.

Plot: Your daughter comes to his game for the first time! Virgil is a good captain so he gives Trent the band so your daughter could brag even more:)

masterlist

—————————————————————

As soon as your daughter learned how to walk a ball was between her feet. You of course, expected nothing less from her father. She was the miniature and female version of him in every single way, so this was something you accepted before it even happened.

Tina was 5 years old now and started football practice which she was very proud of. Every time she saw one of Trent’s teammates she would go on and on about how she loves her uncles, but her dad is better than them, and she of course took after him (the sassiness also came from we know who).

Even though she loved football in general and adored watching her dad play, you have never taken her to Anfield. She was still small and both you and Trent thought it was too loud and too much for her to handle. But as she was growing older she has become more stubborn than the both of you together (that may have come from you, but you would never admit that in front of your husband).

“Mommy I wanna go see daddy playyy! Let’s go pleeeeeeeeease.” your daughter begged as you sat on the couch with Trent, but you didn’t listen to her. She couldn’t get everything she wanted, at least that’s what you were trying to teach her. But when she moved into Trent’s view, and shone him those puppy dog eyes, he couldn’t resist. “Y/N maybe we could let her go once…” he whispered so only you could hear and see. The truth is you wanted to take her, you were just scared something could happen and you didn’t want her to associate her father’s career and his whole life with something bad. You couldn’t let that happen.

After some negotiating, begging, persuading and a lot of puppy dog eyes pointed to your better half, you both agreed to let her go with you. “Yesss. We’ll crash stinky United, right daddy” she yelled proudly, and Trent looked at you with a face that said ‘I never taught her that’, but you knew he was lying. You had already heard their secret conversations about United way too many times.

—————————————————————

Game day came too soon. You had woken up that morning from the sound of a falling object. As you walked into your bathroom with groggy eyes you saw your husband braiding your daughter’s hair, hair brushes and bands falling to the floor one after the other. “You gotta have a pretty hairstyle for the game princess. Everyone has to know I have the prettiest daughter in all of Liverpool” he said to her while tying her last braid as she giggled, looking at you through the mirror. You smiled at them, looking at their identical features which always made you melt.

Anfield was packed with supporters as you entered the family and friends section of the red and white stands with your daughter in your arms. You were both wearing Trent’s jerseys, but Tina insisted on wearing the whole kit (including the boots!) so she could show off to people about how she also played football like her daddy.

As the players started emerging on the green field, Trent waved in your direction, making Tina ecstatic “That’s my dad! He’s the captain! Wave back to him!” She said to Andy and Virgil’s wives which made them die out of laughter.

When the first ball was in the goal, your daughter was jumping up and down, singing along to the fans’ songs and hugging you. “My dad assisted uncle Salah, just like I did on my game yesterday!!!!”

Trent had another assist in the record. He had been in many goal chances, but he didn’t score. “Come on dad I know you can score. Teach those bastards how it’s done” She yelled making absolutely everyone laugh, except for you, you would have to have a talk with Trent about swear words in front of the kid.

It was the 89th minute, Liverpool was sure to win it. While everyone was happy with the result and already singing about winning the game, Tina was still tense and focused. She knew he could do it, and he did.

“THAT’S MY DAD! THE ONE WHO SCORED!” she ran to the edge, screaming as Trent pointed at her and showed a heart, everyone jumping on him and the whole stadium cheering him on.

—————————————————————

“Daddy!” your daughter jumped on Trent as you passed the tunnel, hugging him tighter than she ever did. “I knew you could do it, I kept telling mommy you would score! And you did!” Trent giggled as he kissed her cheek, putting her down and taking her hand. “Did you like the game?” he asked, walking down to you and kissing your cheek too. She would usually say eww and separate you two, but she was too invested in commenting the game to care. “Oh dad I loved it! The goal was phenomenal!”

As you were getting ready to go home, she found another victim, Virgil. “Uncle Virg did you know I’m also captain? Just like my dad?” “Oh really? Must mean you’re a great player then” he giggled and tickled her a bit. “Yeah! One day I’m gonna play for Liverpool, just like dad, and I’m gonna break those asses from United just like he did today!”

“Seriously Trent stop swearing around the kid!”

[waywardsunlight]

Compiling all of the canon evidence about Caleb because I noticed sources are getting muddled. Below the cut is all the canon info I could find with the episodes and who said it/ where it came from.

Caleb was alone as a child raising his little brother, at some point they moved from an unknown location to Gravesfield (Masha, TTT). The two of them played a witch hunter game where they dressed up in costumes. We see Caleb playing a witch, stepping in a trap Philip set. They also churned butter together and Caleb whittled Philip's mask in Gravesfield. (Portraits, Hollow Mind) Caleb met Evelyn at an unknown point, and bonded over birds, where she was disguised as a human. (Dana Terrace) Later, as a teen, Caleb and still child Philip went on a witch hunt. They found Evelyn in the woods (may or may not be related to witch hunt) and discovered she was a witch. Caleb was accepting of her and the duo began traveling back and forth between Gravesfield and the Boiling Isles, developing a secret code to travel, leaving Philip behind from his perspective. (Portraits/ cut portrait, Hollow Mind. Masha, TTT). As an adult, Caleb cut his hair. (Statue, Yesterday's Lie) At an unknown time, he acquired the cabin near the Noceda house. He had his (implied in KT/TTT) blue coat embroidered with the symbol of a bird in a cage, and this coat became Philip's at an unknown point in time. (King's Tide/TTT) Caleb or Evelyn also hid the Rebus Box under the floorboards and created said Rebus and hid the Titan's blood near the portal with an owl stopper. (TTT) At some point, as Caleb and Philip were adults, a fire started at the current day historical society and Caleb + Evelyn vanished. Philip followed after, leaving a diary behind which was used to understand the situation by the townspeople (Jacob, Yesterday's Lie. Masha, Storyboard for TTT, considering canon as complacent). Philip states that it takes him five years to find the Titan's blood and in the image he is growing a beard (Eclipse Lake). He has a medium length beard when he confronts Caleb and Evelyn first in his beast form, transforming back when Caleb hugs him. At this point, Evelyn is pregnant with a child and she and Caleb are holding hands. A later shot shows Philip holding a knife behind his back as Caleb smiles and Evelyn is turned away. Philip is wearing the blue coat. At a later point, Caleb has his hands up, holding a flat edged knife looking worried as Philip walks to the right. Caleb is on the ground with flames around him, and those flames die down as he dies. Philip sees himself in the reflection of the dagger with blood on it. Evelyn returns and uses a gold magic, hitting Philip as he runs away. (Portraits, Hollow Mind) At an unknown point, Philip obtains Caleb's remains and begins several failed grimwalker experiments until the episode Elsewhere and Elsewhen where he meets the Collector.

Missing/fragment evidence: Philip and Caleb are missing information for most of their adulthood, and Evelyn has extremely scare information. A mural in Belos's castle representing wild witches burning a town resembles Eda with short hair in a green dress and a blonde witch with rounder ears, likely Evelyn and her daughter. (Watching and Dreaming) The blue coat has never been proven to belong to Caleb, other than Masha using a similar blue coat in TTT and Belos's sensitivity to the coat being mentioned/ him always wearing it. There is no canon explanation as to how Caleb ended up alone with Philip, where their parents are, or how they got the cabin. It is unknown if Philip confronting Caleb in his beast form and Caleb's murder happened at the same time or on different days, or where Flapjack or Evelyn is for the murder (although she returns from the right, the same direction Philip was facing with the knife) (Hollow Mind). Flapjack has limited information but is likely Evelyn's bird (Dana Terrace). Caleb was a whittler and may have carved Palismen, as that later becomes the family business of the Clawthornes, and Evelyn is a Clawthorne. However this isn't provably canon.

[doctorpandorica]

So Fanfiction, Deadpool and Wolverine, and Logan, made have a fucking epiphany about my mental health. PART TWO,

HERE IS A LINK TO THE FIRST HALF!!!

JUST WANT TO FIRST ACKNOWLEDGE (I'll stop all caps soon) THESE MOTHER FUCKING ANGELS!!!!

As well as this talented Mother fucker, Artist Jack Kirby who helped create X-men

with this literally Angel,

After being inspired by the Civil Rights movement. Particularly Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcom X, which absolutely shows. Especially when you watch the 1992 Animated series, pleased do, which I am at the moment.

ssss

So...on to this grumpy bestest boy

He lived through so much pain, snarky little fuckable fuck. However, he never let it make him cruel, he did the right thing, even if it pissed him off. And didn't deserve to die in Logan, nor did Charles especially as he did.

Which really quick, Ian McKellen made a off handed quip about wanting to know why he wasn't in the film. And I demand to know why as well, Magneto was pure sass and spite, he would not go gently into that good night. And even if he did, we deserved to see it, even if it destroyed us. Even though it wouldn't have made sense because, he is able to beat that alleged cure but, not this virus? Which makes me question, if Charles was still capable of those long lucid moments, why not transfer himself into a new body like before? Also most importantly, picture Logan during that dinner scene, addressing them as his two dads. Erik squirming socializing with ...Homo Sapiens, having to content with the faults in his crusade.

Anyway then I saw, Deadpool and Wolverine, please go see it!!!!! The very end with the delightful complication of the original Franchise, wrecked me emotionally and at first I didn't understand. To Understand that beyond the crushing heart ache I associate with nostalgia, as opposed to contentment as it should. And started the long process about a week of asking myself why?

Which resulted in the essay, you hopefully didn't suffer too much through before and I just had to get it all out. Which is why there are so many grammatical errors, never been my strong suite.

Also Marvel Jesus' journey of self worth and Ryan Reynolds seeing that motherfucker as the wonderful man that he is

Seriously going to make a list of all the amazing things he has done

, showing that what never fails in good old fashion story telling ands opposed to money grubbing. That movie

That is how you give the people what they ACTUALLY WANT and more importantly what they ACTUALLY NEED. Imagine what would've happened if Disney let them do what ever he wanted,

Aside from Wolverine never putting his greasy tits away. Seriously hate myself when I get feral for him, because Hugh Jackman has the sweetest face and I hate myself.

Thank you and Goodnight....

I need to eat before I post Some funny ass, at least too me, Deadpool shit I just thought of

REMEBER.....

 IT IS NEVER TOO LATE !!! EVEN IF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW!!! HAPPINESS MAY NOT BE A CHOICE BUT THE PATH TO IT IS!!!

[yuseirra]

Onk spoilers*****

I had people contact me about 159 and GUYS...you have to trust this guy who Ai's loved with all her heart. Think about the songs...he doesn't regard his own life very high. He'd do ANYTHING, he'd lie with all his might, he's a liar... If that means he can bring her back. That's what he's trying to do and Aqua is there trying to prevent him from doing so.

Hehe more in the read more: I will have to see the actual chapter in full but here's what I think from what I picked up:

And it really DOES seem like.. Kamiki didn't play a part in Ai's murder. It REALLY was nino and ryosuke and they were the ones who collaborated. This means, Kamiki really could have just had the address slip out by pure mistake and that had a butterfly effect, making him feel guilty about everything. I honestly wouldn't take it any other way if I were to ship Ai and him together and I'd been drawing things all along with that as the basis. He's just like Aqua who's trapped in guilt for things he isn't so responsible for.

Yesterday I wrote a soft, tender and melancholic post as an analysis and what I picked up today (I honestly still have no clear idea of what the heck is going on lol, I could vaguely make out the words people tell me-I may be missing out BIG chunks and I NEED to see the facial expressions and stuff) made me burst out laughing, it's ridiculous and hilarious, even.. But it does make sense if it's this way.

The fact that Ai wants to HELP him and how Aqua mentions he has to HELP him now all connects so nicely together. I think there IS a reason why there were scenes where Kamiki called himself a liar as a child. He's still lying, but this time, as the bad guy who deserves to die because he doesn't want anyone to worry or care about him at all. He's really good at it in a meta sense, I bet people are going wild anticipating him as the true villian and the final boss but think about it, what is there for him to even lie about?? The lie, I think, is the fact that he told Aqua he's a psychopathic murderer who tried to scare Ai for having dumped him, leading to her death. He didn't do any of it, and only said those because he wanted to be avenged.. He can't forgive himself for having caused Ai to be attacked even if it's not really his fault. He doesn't want his children to feel bad about getting back at him for it. Aqua's saying he's insane for lying about stuff like this for this reason to his OWN SON.

Aqua should not approach Kamiki like this if he's the guy that's hurt Ai. He's weirdly lenient with him. And he says he's going to help him. You can't "help" a terrible murderer, especially the one that's killed your lovely mother.

As someone who's been drawing the hikaai ship w passion, I have a responsibility to grab kamiki by the collar and kick his butt really strong if he turns out to be a maniac 😊 no worries. But I don't think it's going to be that way, actually. He's lying in desperation because he's found Ai really loved him back; he can really cross lines now if it means she'll live. He wants to die in her place, that's what I'm guessing. He's really similar to aqua in some aspects. He's okay about being regarded as a terrible person as long as he can protect the ones he loves.

This is perfect in my opinion. If it goes in the direction I anticipate, it makes full sense. There must be some way to exchange a life for another. Kamiki wants to go through with it for Ai but Ai stops him with the help of her children even beyond death.

And you know what? I was beginning to think wait.. Did nino and ryosuke date? After the latest chapter but I didn' t write that because there was no solid basis but like, that turned out to be true,

I'm... Starting to get really confident about character analyses when it comes to this comic, everything escalates SO FAST and I can't predict what actions they take, but I feel like I can sense what kind of emotions they have when they do something.

So if this isn't it, I'll be. Then I'll actually feel more relaxed since I'll be able to watch without getting so attached to what they will be feeling, it'd be unpredictable for me and I'll just watch it for pure entertainment, there won't be any more analysis I make that will...be right.

I'll still be glad I've read this even if it ends up like that, though, it's made me think about a lot of things. I really come to love Ai so much as a character, and from what I see, everything will be as she wishes in the story of onk in the very end. I'd like to see it happen and I will root for it!

[preservationofnormalcy]

Greetings, warrior Knight

You may have thought me dead. That is not the case. In truth, though you brought me very near true death, I did not succumb to obliteration. It has taken me one of your decades to build a new body for myself, and the whole time, I have not thought of anything other than you.

Your particular form of violence is... irrefutably effective. When that projectile of yours shattered the ███ within my heart, I knew you were the one that could kill me. Many have sought to slay me, and all were failures. But there is something different about you. Had I not grasped my existence with every shred of my will and held on even after all matter that had once composed my form ceased to cohere, you would have succeeded.

I see that you have had your fingers reattached. This is only fair, for I have also healed. It will mean that we shall face each other upon an even field, once we finally meet again.

Let us not resort to trickery and schemes. I will not come after those you love, the few that still live. I want you, Knight. I want to be with you again, fighting for our lives beneath the ██████ moon, shedding each other's lifeblood and allowing it to mix upon the scorched earth.

Let's settle this. Saturday night, 7pm, the old farm where it all started. Wear something nice. And bring your gun. One, or both of us will die.

Looking forward to our reunion,

█████████

███████ ████. I'll be...

Knight? What's--

I'll be damned. I thought I...has it been ten years? Jesus H. Seems like yesterday.

....should I ask?

Gonna head out, Halter. Gotta go get some things in order. Director Knight's got a date Saturday night.

Oh. Okay! Thanks for coming by today, this was -- and he's gone.

[fxckadoodledoomunson]

Negligence |Part 1|

Summary: When you find out that Eddie is dating Chrissy, you try and let your feelings for him die down. However, after you get into an incident in school, you find comfort in the last person you would bond with.

Warning: Swearing, smoking, weed consumption, Andy being an arsehole, angst

You were heading to the woods, to see your friend, Eddie. He started out as your dealer about a year ago, after you bought weed for your Uncle on behalf of your cousin, who had to drop out of school to look after him full time. Your Uncle had developed Multiple Sclerosis, so he had to quit his job at the plant. After doing deals with Eddie for a while, you two became friends. You weren’t part of the Hellfire club, or any club for that matter, but you were always welcomed at the table. Even the other members liked you. Over time, you had developed a crush on Eddie. You weren’t sure when or if you were going to tell him, as you were worried about the repercussions if you told him how you felt about him.

You continued walking, heading to the picnic table when you spotted Eddie sitting on the table with his arm around Chrissy. You heard them both laughing, before they shared a kiss. You froze as you witnessed the kiss, feeling a pain in your chest. You caught your breath before you turned your heel and walked back to the car park, unaware that Eddie saw you walking away. He was about to go after you to see what you wanted when Chrissy pulled him in for another kiss.

Once you made your way back to the car park, you headed to your cousin, Mary’s car and got in, when she asked, “Did you get it?”

You shook your head, before lying to her, “He wasn’t there. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

Mary huffed, before telling you, “I’ve only got enough to last a week. I don’t want Dad going back to prescribing those pills.”

“I know okay?!” You snapped, making Mary raise her eyebrows at you, before you began to apologise, “I’m sorry, it’s just been a weird day.”

You rubbed your forehead, when Mary asked if you were okay. You sighed, before replying, “Yeah. Like I said, it’s been a weird day.”

As Mary started the car and drove off, you thought about Eddie and Chrissy. You knew that Chrissy had split up with Jason recently, but you didn’t think that she would move on quickly, especially with Eddie. And he didn’t even mention to you that he was seeing her. You wondered if the other Hellfire members knew. All you knew that you hoped that your crush will die down.

The next day in Maths class, you were writing down the equations on the board, while you were trying to figure out how to get Eddie’s attention. You started writing a note to him about getting weed from him, before you folded the paper. You were about to poke him to get his attention, before passing him the note when you heard the teacher shout, “You! Let me see that note!”

Oh shit, you thought to yourself as the teacher started marching away from her desk. You were about to open your mouth when the teacher approached Eddie and Chrissy. “Hand the note over, Miss Cunningham,” the teacher ordered, when Chrissy handed the piece of paper to her. The teacher opened up the note and read it, before rolling her eyes and said, “Well first off, Mr Munson, may I say that your penmanship is absolutely atrocious.”

You heard Eddie chuckle when the teacher continued to speak, “And secondly, if I find you two writing something...” The teacher clear her throat, before telling them “Crude again, you two will be in detention. Is that understood?”

Eddie and Chrissy nodded their heads, trying to hold back their laughter, while most of the class whispered about them. You quietly huffed as you looked down at your work, unaware that Jason was looking at you, before shifting his attention to Chrissy and Eddie.

Later on after school, you went up to Eddie, who was having a smoke whilst leaning against his van.

After the pair of you greeted each other, Eddie said, “You didn’t come over to the spot yesterday.”

“You were busy with Chrissy, so I didn’t think you’d want me to disturb you,” you bluntly replied, as Eddie gazed at you. “So, how long has it been going on?”

“For about a week,” Eddie replied, before taking one last puff of his cigarette and stubbing it on the ground. “After her and Carver broke up. She’s gonna sit with us at lunch tomorrow, so we can make it official.”

“Right,” you quietly said before asking him, “So, have you got the roll ups?”

“Shit,” Eddie groaned, before apologising. “I’m really sorry, I sold the last batch to Chrissy. Does your uncle really need it?”

“Yeah. Well, he’s still got under a week’s worth, so I guess he can wait.”

“I’ll bring it in for you tomorrow, I promise,” Eddie replied, when Chrissy approached you both. Chrissy gave him a kiss, which made you feel queasy. You quickly stepped back as you said goodbye to Eddie, before turning your heel to go to Mary’s car.

After you got in, she asked if you got the roll ups. “He said he’ll bring it tomorrow.”

Mary sighed, before saying, “He better, I can’t afford to go and get it from Reefer Rick-“

“He said he’ll bring it!” You snapped.

“Okay, that’s two days in a row that you’ve snapped at me. What’s going on? Did you two fall out?”

You shook your head as you replied, “No, we didn’t.”

You couldn’t tell her that you were crushed that Eddie had been seeing Chrissy, as you didn’t want to worry her, especially as she had enough on her plate looking after her father.

The next day at lunchtime, you were sitting at the Hellfire table, with most of the members when Eddie and Chrissy entered the cafeteria, holding hands. The boys’ jaws dropped as they couldn’t believe that their dungeon master was holding hands with the Queen of Hawkins High.

You looked down at your book, as the new couple approached the table. “Guys, I believe you already know Chrissy,” Eddie began to speak. “We’re officially dating.”

The members greeted her, while you continued to read your book, when Chrissy tapped your shoulder, making you look up at her. “Hi,” Chrissy sweetly spoke.

You gave her a quick smile, before you asked Eddie, “So, have you got it?”

Eddie blankly looked at you, when you elaborated, “Stuff for my uncle?”

Eddie smacked his forehead, before telling you, “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t tell me you forgot again,” you sighed, before telling him, “I told you my uncle was running low, and Mary doesn’t want him going back to have prescribed medication.”

You huffed, as you put your book away, unable to enjoy reading it, when Eddie called your name. You had hoped that he was going to ask you to come over to his after school to pick the weed up. Instead he asked, “Do you mind moving to another seat, so Chrissy can sit next with me?”

It was bad enough that he forgot and gave some of your uncle’s weed to Chrissy. But asking you to give up your seat for her was the last blow. You crossed your eyebrows as you got up and kicked the chair out of the way, before you snapped, “Here you are. She’s already took my uncle’s weed, she might as have my place and my lunch.”

You grabbed your bag and started storming off, ignoring the boys and Chrissy’s protest, when suddenly, Andy stuck his foot in front of you, causing you to trip over and hit your head on the door. Andy started laughing, along with some of the other students, while most of the students gasped, as you winced. Eddie was about to check on you, when Jason shouted as he smacked the back of Andy’s head, “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

Jason bent down to check on you as he asked, “Can you stand up?”

You didn’t answer, as you sobbed in pain. Jason turned to Patrick and told him, “Help me lift her up.” Jason turned back to you, and said, “We’re gonna lift you up and take you to the nurse, okay?”

Jason and Patrick gently lifted you up, with your arms around their shoulders, supporting you, before they took you to the nurse’s office.

Thankfully, your injury wasn’t too bad, although your head still hurt. After the nurse had examined you, she suggested that you should go home to rest. “If you feel worse, go to the hospital immediately,” she told you, before asking, “Is there anyone who can take you home?”

You couldn’t ask your parents to pick you up as they were working and you didn’t want to ask Mary, as she would be busy getting grocery shopping. You shook your head, when Jason chimed in, “I can take her. I’ll drop her off and come back.”

The nurse stared for a moment, before telling him, “Very well. I’ll write a note for you in case you’re late for class.”

“What about my bike?” You asked. “I don’t want anyone stealing it.”

“I’ve got a bike rack on my car, so we can take it with us,” Jason replied.

A moment later, you and Jason were outside the school. Jason helped unlock your bike lock, while you sat and waited for him in his car, when you noticed from the rear view mirror that Eddie and Chrissy were coming out of the woods, with Chrissy clinging onto Eddie’s arm. You wiped the tears from your face, as you saw Jason approaching the car with your bike and placed it on the rack when you heard Eddie asking what he was doing with your bike.

Jason didn’t answer. He had secured your bike and was about to get inside, when Eddie grabbed Jason by the shoulder as he angrily said, “Hey! I’m talking to you-“

Suddenly, Jason turned around and punched him, cutting his bottom lip. Chrissy gasped, before checking on Eddie, as Jason huffed before getting in the car.

Eddie wiped the blood off his mouth with his sleeve, as he watched Jason drive off, when he saw you in the passenger seat. You quickly avoided Eddie’s gaze, as you and Jason left the car park.

As he drove along the road, Jason heard you say, “Mary’s going to be mad.”

“What?” He asked.

You were a silent, not wanting to say anymore, when Jason asked you, “I take it that it’s something to do with Munson? You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”

You sighed, before confessing, “I was supposed to get weed from Eddie for my uncle on behalf of my cousin, Mary. He has Multiple Sclerosis, and it’s the only thing that eases his condition.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

You weren’t sure if Jason was being sincere or not, but you continued to confess, “I promised her that I would get it for her, but I had been making excuses for Eddie.”

“So, Munson was supposed to sell it to you?” Jason asked.

“He was the only person other than Rick that I know who was dealing, and Eddie was cheaper, so it was the best option. Today when I asked him about it, he forgot to bring it, but when I asked him for them yesterday, he said gave the last batch to Chrissy.”

“Seriously?” You nodded, when Jason muttered, “Prick.”

Suddenly, you noticed that Jason was changing directions. “Wait, where are we going?” You asked.

“Just need to make a quick stop,” Jason replied.

You couldn’t help but think of a worst case scenario as Jason continued to drive when suddenly, he pulled over to Reefer Rick’s place.

After turning off the engine, Jason got out of the car and told you, “I’ll be as quick as I can.”

You looked at him, as he ran up to Rick’s door and knocked on it.

Later on in class, Eddie and Chrissy were in English class, when Chrissy noticed that Jason’s seat was still empty. Chrissy turned to Patrick and whispered to him, “Patrick, where’s Jason?”

Patrick tutted, before whispering back, “Why do you care? You’re not his girlfriend anymore, remember?”

Chrissy sulked, as she continued with her work, while Eddie looked over to your empty seat and sighed before turning his attention to his own work.

Meanwhile, you and Jason went inside your house, as you called out for Mary.

A second later, Mary came out of the living room and greeted you, “You’re home early...what’s he doing here?” She asked when she noticed Jason standing next to you.

Jason explained that you had hit your head in the cafeteria earlier and that he volunteered to take you home.

“Are you okay? Do you need to go to hospital?” Mary asked you, as she checked your head.

“No, I’m okay, honestly,” you retorted. “How’s uncle Cain?”

“He’s sleeping right now. Are you sure that you’re okay?”

You nodded as Mary rubbed your arm, when she noticed a bag of weed in your hand. “Oh finally!” Mary exclaimed. “So Eddie got you some?”

“Actually, we went to see Reefer Rick, well, Jason did,” you told her.

“I wondered why they’re not rolled up.” Mary took the bag off you when Jason asked, “Do you need help rolling them up?”

You and Mary gaped at him, before Mary stammered, “Y-yeah, go ahead.”

Mary handed the bag to Jason, before he went to sit to the table and carefully started rolling up.

“So, why didn’t Eddie give you any?” Mary asked you.

You sighed, before telling her, “I’ll explain later.”

Jason had finished rolling up the last weed, and placed it on the table, before telling Mary, “There you go.”

After Mary thanked him, you asked, “Where did you learn how to roll them up? I thought you were too clean cut for that.”

Jason chuckled before replying, “I’ve watched Andy and Chance do it, so I guess I just picked it up from them.”

“How much did you pay Rick for it?” Mary began to ask. “I’ll give you the money for-“

Jason shook his head, before telling her, “No need.”

Suddenly, you heard your uncle call Mary’s name. “Coming!” Mary shouted as she got up and went into the other room. Not long after, Mary came out wheeling her dad in his wheelchair, and took him to the living room. He asked you, “What are you doing here early?”

“I hurt my head at school so the nurse sent me home,” you replied, when your uncle looked at Jason and asked, “Is he your boyfriend?”

“No,” you and Jason replied in unison, before you told Cain, “He helped give me a lift home.”

Jason introduced himself, as Mary lit a roll up for her dad and passed it to him. “Thanks love,” Cain said, before taking a puff.

He then offered it to Jason, who politely declined.

Cain chuckled before telling him, “Ah, straight as an arrow I see?” He then pointed to you, as he told Jason, “This one’s the same.”

After taking another puff, Cain said as he was admiring the roll up, “That Eddie did a good job with this.”

“Actually, it was Jason who rolled them up,” you told him.

Cain gaped, as he asked, “Really?”

Mary nodded, when Cain said, “Well, that does surprise me. I never thought that a clean cut jock would be good at something like it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I was clean cut,” Jason admitted, before he got up and said, “Sorry, I need to get going. I need to get to practice.”

He then turned to you and said, “If you want, I can give you a ride to school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied, before telling him, “I’ll see you out.”

After Jason said goodbye to Mary and Cain, you walked Jason to the door, when he said, “Listen, if you need anything, give me a call.”

“Okay, thanks,” you replied, as you grabbed an address book and a pen from the table and gave it to Jason, so he could write down his number.

“Thanks for giving me a lift home,” you said, as you took the items off him. “And for the weed.”

“You’re welcome,” Jason replied.

After saying goodbye, you put down the address book and pen onto the table, before making your way upstairs to your room. You sat down on your bed, getting ready to lie down when you noticed a framed photo of you and Eddie. You gazed at it, thinking about him and Chrissy. You slammed the frame down as you burst into tears.

Suddenly, you heard Mary’s voice, asking you, “What’s wrong?”

You wiped your tears, as Mary sat down next to you and angrily asked, “Did Jason say something to you?”

You shook your head, as you sobbed. Mary hugged you, as you began to explain everything.

Later on in the evening, Eddie was getting ready for his date with Chrissy, when Wayne asked him if he gave you Cain’s roll ups.

“I forgot to give it to her,” Eddie confessed.

Wayne sighed before telling him, “Come on, boy. You know that Cain needs it.”

“I know, I’ll give it to her tomorrow.” Eddie grabbed his keys and was about to leave when Wayne asked him, “Did you do your homework?”

Eddie stopped and stayed silent, when Wayne shook his head and said, “I know that you may think dating this Chrissy girl is important right now, but you can’t afford to slip up with school. You’re weeks away from doing your finals and if you fail-“

“I know!” Eddie snapped. Wayne gave him a disapproving look when Eddie sighed, before apologising to him. He then began to tell him, “I’ll do it when I get back-“

“No, here’s what you’re gonna do.,” Wayne began to sternly tell Eddie. “You are gonna take your homework and you’ll do it on your date. Understand?”

Eddie huffed, as he replied, “Yes sir.” As Eddie went back to his room, Wayne shook his head in disappointment.

The next day, Eddie had decided to leave home early and take the roll ups to your place before he picked up Chrissy. He knocked on the door, with Mary answering it. “What do you want?” She asked coldly.

“I came to drop these off,” Eddie replied, as he held out the bag of roll ups. Mary glared, as she told him, “Don’t bother, we’ve got some from Rick. Why don’t you give them your new girlfriend?”

She was about slam the door in his face when Eddie stopped her, as he pleaded, “No no please!”

Mary sighed, as Eddie asked if you were coming to school. “I can give her a ride,” Eddie told her.

“You can’t,” Mary retorted. “She’s not here.”

“But...I saw her bike outside.”

“She’s already left. With Jason Carver.”

Eddie gaped as he asked, “Carver?”

Meanwhile, you and Jason were in his car, heading to school. You were silent all through the journey when Jason asked, “How’s your head?”

“Feels a bit bruised,” you replied.

“I called out Andy at practice yesterday, so he won’t do anything like that again.”

“I don’t get it, you normally would join in picking on an outsider like me. What’s changed?”

Jason huffed, before replying. “I don’t know. I guess...after Chrissy broke up with me and started dating Munson. It kinda-“

“Bruised your ego?”

“Well, a little. But, it also gave me a new perspective on things. Maybe I should be thinking more about other people and not be an asshole.”

You silently looked down at your lap, when Jason asked, “You like him, don’t you?”

You looked up at him, when he said, “Munson. I’ve seen how you look at him. And how you look when you look at him and Chrissy together.”

Suddenly, tears rolled down your face, as you sniffled. Jason quickly noticed, and told you, “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you-“

“It’s not just that. I just miss the old Eddie,” you confessed. “The Eddie who was desperate to graduate. The Eddie who always put others’ needs first. Since he started dating Chrissy, it’s like he doesn’t give a shit.”

“Listen, he’s not worth crying over,” Jason told you. “Neither of them are. If he can’t get his priorities straight, then that’s on him.”

Suddenly, you felt Jason gently tousle the top of your head, making you smile a little.

Later on, Eddie was walking to class with Chrissy, who was holding his hand, when he saw you sitting next to Jason, chatting. Eddie was about to walk up to you when Chrissy asked, “Where are you going?”

“I want to see if she’s okay.”

Eddie approached you with a reluctant Chrissy still holding on to him. Eddie greeted you, before asking, “How’s your head?”

You silently gazed at him, before looking down at your notebook. Eddie cleared his throat before telling you, “I stopped by your place earlier. Mary said that you got some stuff for Cain from Reefer Rick. But I’ve got my batch if you want it. Free of charge.”

You continued to give him the silent treatment, when Chrissy yelled, “Hey! You don’t need to be so rude-“

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to him,” Jason interjected. “Did you not think about that?”

“If this is about me asking you give up your seat to Chrissy, I’m sorry,” Eddie began to tell you. “But she is my girlfriend now. So you don’t need to be petty-“

“Did you not hear what Jason said?!” You snapped, as you glared at him and Chrissy. “I don’t want to talk to you! Either of you!”

You looked down at your desk, shaken up, when you heard Chrissy say, “Come on Eddie.” Chrissy pulled Eddie away from you and sat down to their seats. You felt Jason’s hand on your upper back, as he asked if you were okay. You nodded, as you took deep breaths.

At lunchtime, you were carrying your tray into the cafeteria as you looked over to the Hellfire table, where you saw Eddie and Chrissy flirting. You were about to leave the cafeteria when you heard Jason call your name. You turned to the jocks’ table, as Jason pointed at an empty seat next to him.

You turned back to the Hellfire table, noticing Eddie looking your way and the other members calling for you. You took a deep breath, before heading to the jocks’ table, leaving the Hellfire members confused. You were greeted by Jason’s teammates, including Lucas, as well as some of the cheerleaders as you sat down.

Weeks had past since you began your unlikely friendship with Jason. You would invite him over the dinner with your family and revise for your finals together. Whenever your parents were at home with Cain, the two of you and Mary would hang out together. You noticed that Mary had warmed up to him, which made you happy that the two of them became friends.

In nearly every class you had with Jason, you both would pair up for assignments. In English class, you both received a high grade for an assignment you did together. As you both gave each other high-fives, you heard Ms O’Donnell telling Eddie and Chrissy, as she handed them their papers, “I expected better, especially from you Miss Cunningham.”

You frowned as you saw them look at their papers in disappointment. At one point, you could’ve sworn that you saw a tear rolling down Eddie’s face as he looked his paper.

Suddenly, you heard Jason say, “If they’ve failed, that’s on them.”

One day in the cafeteria, you were happily chatting to the jocks and cheerleaders, as the Hellfire members looked on in shock. “I can’t believe she’s still sitting with Carver and his cronies,” Gareth spoke.

“You don’t think they’re dating now, do you?” Jeff asked.

“Lucas said that they’re just friends,” Dustin replied.

“Well, you say that, but who knows?” Mike said.

“Yeah. They’re always together,” Grant replied.

“So, she’s really turned to the dark side?” Eddie mumbled as he gazed at you and Jason laughing.

Suddenly, Chrissy groaned, “I don’t know why you guys are so worried about her. It’s not like she was in the club.”

“Neither are you,” Gareth blurted, when Eddie glared at him.

“So. But at least I still go. I bet she never went to any of the campaigns,” Chrissy snapped.

“You only go because you’re Eddie’s girlfriend,” Mike snapped back.

“Mike,” Dustin shushed him.

“No!” Mike shouted, before he began to defend you, “She may not have gone to every campaign or even played. But she still supported the club in any way possible. Even when she has to work or help look after her uncle so her cousin can get a break, she still gave us support. At least when she sat with us, she always took an interest in what we do, unlike you. Since you came here, you either talked about cheerleading or you’re too busy sucking Eddie’s face. Also, you always make Eddie cut the campaigns short so you can go on your date, or make him go to cheer practi-“

“That’s enough Wheeler!” Eddie spat. Most of the students, including you looked over, as you heard Eddie say, “If you don’t like how things are at the moment, you can just go back to the flock.” Most of Hellfire looked at a visibly pissed off Eddie, when Mike suddenly got up and said, “Fine. I’m gonna sit with Max.”

As Mike left the table, Dustin got up and followed him, trying to get him to come back. Meanwhile, Jeff, Gareth and Grant looked at each other, before getting up as well, when a surprised Eddie looked up and snickered, “You guys are leaving too?”

“We are,” Jeff retorted, which made Eddie’s jaw drop. “We’ll be in the music room. You can join us when you’ve got your priorities right.”

As they were about to leave, Eddie got up and asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ever since you got together with Chrissy, you don’t give a shit anymore,” Gareth replied. “You hardly show up for practice, you don’t put your heart into our performances and your campaigns have become shit. You’re letting your girlfriend take over and we hate it.”

Suddenly, Chrissy ran out of the cafeteria in tears. Eddie called out to her, before going after her, as Jeff shouted, “That’s it, run to your little master, puppet!”

Suddenly, you went to them as you asked what was going on, when Dustin came back. As the three older boys were leaving, Dustin tried to stop them, as he asked, “Where are you going?”

“Music room,” Jeff retorted, before he and the two older boys left.

Dustin had put his hands on his head, as he cussed. “Dustin, what happened?” You asked, waiting for him to tell you what was going on with Hellfire.

Next

[theoreticallysensible]

I finished Ursula K Le Guin’s The Farthest Shore yesterday, and it got me thinking about two things:

1) The relationship between truth and meaning.

2) The wisdom of accepting death.

The conflict of the book is established when it is discovered that people have lost their connection to the “true speech”, the language of creation, which means that wizards can no longer use magic, but also that everyone falls into nihilism, listlessness, and paranoia. People retain their regular language, but the language of magic is lost, and so they lose their grip on reality. They see everything as flat, without any transcendence in anything. Nothing is more significant than anything else, and so nothing is worth doing. People keep talking, but none of it means anything real.

The cause of this is someone trying to escape the fear of death by dying and coming back immortal, leaving a tear in the world that magic leaks out of. The fact that they have to first die to find immortal life suggests that death and immortality are in a way the same thing, and that this deconstruction is the cause of the spread of nihilism. The necromancer is able to send out a message to people’s dark sides, causing this change in them:

By denying life you may deny death and live forever!

This is reflected in the fact that the souls of the dead show an even more extreme embodiment of the emptiness and stillness experienced by those seduced by the message. The tear in the world is blurring the distinctions between life and death, and calling for people to hurry it along.

For Le Guin then, life is change and difference - rather like Octavia Butler’s message from Parable of the Sower that “God Is Change”. Maybe the key part of Butler’s poem for this though is “The Only Lasting Truth Is Change.” Seeking immortality is sort of denying reality. Le Guin describes each individual life as a wave on the ocean, and claims that seeking immortality would be like making the entire ocean one wave, so that it grows still. In other words, life cannot exist without other lives, and without a chance of ending. A single life that totalises all would be indistinguishable from death.

I’m with her on the first point, that a changeless life would be indistinguishable from death. Experience is formed through interaction, which inevitably changes both parties. This is ancient knowledge, which Le Guin no doubt gets from her passion for Taoism, but my favourite exposition is Donna Haraway’s Situated Knowledges. But if life is always changing, always unfinished, why could there not theoretically be an eternal life which does not totalise, which accepts its mutability?

I think here is where we run up against the tension between Le Guin’s commitments to true language on on side and contingency on the other. Nietzsche is famous for having pointed out that language is a host of metaphors. Derrida then took this further to point out that no word is self-contained, rather its meaning is dependent on so many others that it can never be pinned down perfectly to mean just one thing for certain. This includes the self. It stops and starts when we’re knocked unconscious, and its altered with every experience, every exchange of atoms. In a sense we die a lot - if we thing of ourselves as a being, rather than an emergent property of various processes. We can’t be perfectly described with a word, because we aren’t a constant thing anyway, irrespective of that final death.

But this is kind of a moot point as Le Guin’s story is concerned. Few of us ever actually seek immortality. And Le Guin is right to frame it as an impossible task. It plays a symbolic role for the equally, perhaps even more, impossible task of seeking control, constancy, solidity. Nothing is constant - The Only Lasting Truth Is Change. But for me this just makes the final change of death easier to accept, as just one more change that will leave the previous version of myself behind - only this time there won’t be a recognisably new version to take its place.

There is definitely a difficulty in accepting the indefinite fuzziness that comes to things when you look at them like this though, that can lead to the nihilism Le Guin was so afraid of. I think Le Guin answers this rather well though, when she says that we cannot help but do everything we do, want everything we want, feel everything we feel. We can’t actually avoid caring about things, especially if we throw ourselves into them. We don’t have to justify what we care about based on some sort of metaphysical truth, as if we could ever be certain of that - we just have to accept the inclinations given to us by the universe and act on them in a balanced way to make ourselves content. Don’t rationalise your feelings through strict force of will, pay attention to them and what the good asks of you. That’s actually from a different anarcha-feminist writer - Simone Weil - but it fits!

[pommunist]

You're good about the missed anon ask, that just happens 😆. My feelings about wanting bald man loring again have not changed and I think all huevitos agree on this. I'm glad we got a little bit of behind the scenes yesterday (and a callout for wanting the cubito to perish, but well, streamer is right in his reasoning, so I'm not opposed to agree with it).

I think we have come to a clear conclusion that, we as a fandom agree that Qsmp as a concept itself was never the issue, it's QStudios the ones we do not trust. Up until the very end, they gave me no reason to trust them, as their actions, including yesterdays, give a message that does not show me that they really want to change their ways.

I would LOVE if they did change their ways, like, of course I want a better workplace and experience for everyone working there. But even if that was to happen, what has happened has been so much (and emotionally draining) that I do not think I would be willing to watch this 2nd season regardless of the outcome. When I say I'm done with QStudios, I'm straight up done and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole again.

I hope this gives more room for international and multi-cultural projects, as the demand it's clearly there and people do love it. I have watched a few SMPs that were inspired by Qsmp and have their lore, they're very fun. Just wished the live-translation was available for everyone instead of being gatekept by QStudios. It's the only thing missing.

(But I guess people would not come back if they just share around ''their thing.'' I don't know).

Also, godspeed to the Q fans calling out the bs those other ones within their fanbase are doing, because at this point, it's straight up childish behaviour.

- 🧁

Bad man loring come back…come back and maybe think of a happy ending for your next character….just maybe…

Also I’m glad fit cubito is alive when i said i wanted him to die so he wouldn’t have to go through the pain what i really meant was that i wanted him to die so that I wouldn’t through the pain of seeing ramon’s last sign, tazercraft graves, phil’s empty house…

see streamer this is why you started balding at age 24, your evil brain corrupted your scalp 😔

And I agree with everything you’re saying, trust is long gone for a lot of us and it may not come back even if everything is fixed (which there’s no reason to trust that will be the case too).

Like you anon, I’m done unless maybe if a miracle happens, because as the saying goes, fool me once blablablah. I’m already a clown anyway because at first I really thought things would get better 🤡 (Clown Down)

The translation mod being accessible would be amazing but as you said it’s probably not happening. I know a lot of people are sceptical about the use of a live translator because it means you don’t really have to learn each other languages, but I think it makes things easier, especially when you’re creating content. Personally wish that with translations we’d be able to see less english being used by default even if I see why it’s the case.

[actual-bill-potts]

Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth: A Reading

The last 5 pages of Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth are spectacularly beautiful, and have inspired so much amazing fanwork and thought. However, the rest of the Athrabeth is, I think, a bit...harder to understand? At least, I have trouble wrapping my mind around it, and I've seen many interpretations of the conversation and what's going on between Finrod and Andreth here. So, for your reading pleasure, here is a "translated" version of how I read the Athrabeth (minus the last 5 pages which I simply dissolve into tears over every time). It's essentially the script of the Athrabeth, in modern prose. To those nerds who are as invested in it as I am - I am extremely curious to hear your thoughts on this! Differences? Similarities? I know the below is not the only way to read the Athrabeth, by a long shot.

FINROD: Andreth, I am so grieved at Boron's death, and so sorry for your loss. It seems like just yesterday that he was a little child. I feel like no time has passed at all since I first met Bëor, and now his grandson is dead. I loved them all, and miss them all.

ANDRETH: Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss as well. My family have lived long and happy lives in Dorthonion, though - it may have seemed a short time to you, but they would have lived far fewer years before we crossed the Mountains, and counted themselves lucky for it.

FINROD: I'm glad at least that you and your family have been content.

ANDRETH: I wouldn't say that. Just that things suck a little less than they would have otherwise.

FINROD: Wait, what does that mean?

ANDRETH: Well, Morgoth fucked us all over while the Valar and the Elves were happy in Valinor. And he's still fucking us over.

FINROD: I'm confused. What does dying of old age have to do with Morgoth? He's evil, yes, but everyone since Bëor has died peacefully, of natural causes, the way Eru intended.

ANDRETH: So all you Elves say! You all think that we were designed to die in the blink of an eye. In fact to you we are indistinguishable from children, in how short our lives are; and you look down on us for it.

FINROD: I can't deny that some Elves do, though certainly I don't look down on you or any of the Atani! But the Elves who call you childish are not logically consistent, because our own lore says that both the Atani and the Quendi are children of Eru - and thus we are equal in every way that matters. And since you are children of Eru, equal to us, it follows that if you live briefly Eru must have designed it so. Do you disagree?

ANDRETH: Yes, I do! And furthermore I think the idea that the Atani were always designed to live briefly is a lie of Morgoth. The Wise among us say that the Atani were designed to live forever, but Morgoth shortened our lives unnaturally.

ANDRETH: Ironically, even though Men call us "the Wise," they won't listen to us about this. Neither do Elves. You're all dumbasses to be honest.

FINROD: I mean. That's fair. And Morgoth for sure fucked over Men's bodies to some extent. Since leaving Aman, even we Elves have noticed that our bodies decay and weaken faster than they would have otherwise.

ANDRETH: You still don't get it, and you're still being a high-handed dumbass. "Even we Elves" - do you hear yourself? You're starting from the assumption that Elves were meant to be more durable than Men. We of the Wise don't think so. We think Death was a terrible thing that was imposed upon us by Morgoth. We also thought that maybe by reaching Aman we could escape it: but apparently Morgoth beat us there, and I'm starting to suspect there's no hope for it anyway - in this world.

FINROD.EXE IS REBOOTING

FINROD: ...ok rude. I didn't wish death upon you.

FINROD: But anyway, you keep equating death with Morgoth! Are you really saying that he designed death? He's powerful, sure, but - death is everywhere. It's a part of life. If Morgoth wasn't around, death would still be here, it just wouldn't be considered an evil.

ANDRETH: "Death is a part of life," says the Elf. You don't know shit about death.

FINROD: Just because we Elves are immortal doesn't mean we don't die! We have died in droves, here in Beleriand - helping to keep your land safe, in case you hadn't noticed.

ANDRETH: Funny you should say that. I heard you came to Beleriand to recover some jewelry or whatever. But maybe that was just Caranthir. Anyway, death still isn't the same for you as it is for us. You can return; we can't. Once we die, we're gone forever. And Morgoth did this to us.

FINROD: I get what you're saying: Elf death is different from mortal death because one can be cured and the other can't.

ANDRETH: That's part of it. But here's the kicker: not only is death worse for Men, it's also inescapable. Death isn't guaranteed for you. It is for us. It doesn't matter what we do, we all meet the same wildly sucky end.

FINROD: So the Atani have no hope?

ANDRETH: I wouldn't say that exactly. We have no certainty, and no knowledge of what comes after death. But I think there is hope, and maybe we can speak of that later. I know you miss us, when we die.

FINROD: May we can, later. But for now, I want to return to what you said about death. I think you're wrong about the difference between the Quendi and the Atani. We Elves also die - we're tied to the world, and we'll die with the world, because the world will eventually end. Our deaths come later than yours, but they're just as inevitable. And beyond that - nothing but oblivion.

ANDRETH: That's a fair point, but...

FINROD: ...But at least we have a longer span, before death? That's also fair. But - just because the end is further off doesn't mean it's not a bad end.

FINROD: I could say much more on the subject, actually. But first: you say that Morgoth caused death, right?

ANDRETH: Yes.

FINROD: Gonna be honest with you: that's terrifying. I've met Morgoth, and he's a scary motherfucker, but the Quendi have never believed that he could truly prevail against the children of Eru. Eru is so much more powerful! That he could change the fate of a whole race - that's insane. If it's true, then not only the Noldor but all the Valar and the whole world are absolutely fucked.

ANDRETH: Aha! Now he realizes! You spoke so coolly of death a second ago, but now that I've suggested an idea that Men have to grapple with their whole short lives, you're in despair! Morgoth does have that power, and we are fucked.

FINROD: Watch it! To say that Morgoth has that power is to say that he is equal to Eru - and he is not equal to Eru.

FINROD: Let's say I accept your premise that the Atani were not originally made for death, but that their fate was changed. It must then have been Eru who changed it. What did Men do, to anger Eru so?

ANDRETH: We have ideas about that, actually. But we don't speak about them to outsiders, and anyway we're not 100% sure, because whatever happened is something that we have been running away from every since, and it must have happened very long ago.

FINROD: So you do have some idea?

ANDRETH: Maybe.

FINROD.EXE IS REBOOTING

FINROD: Do you think anyone besides the Atani knows anything about this? The Valar maybe?

ANDRETH: The Valar? How the fuck should I know? The Valar never bothered with us. They were apparently too busy with their precious Elves. Fuck the Valar.

FINROD: Don't say that! I've met the Valar, and they're actually cool as fuck. Has it occurred to you that maybe the Atani are out of the Valar's jurisdiction? You're children of Eru alone. You're the masters of your own fate in the way the Quendi are not.

FINROD: Also you seem really upset. I get it if you don't want to talk about it, but please don't put it on me.

ANDRETH: (glares)

FINROD: Anyway here's another thing I don't get. Let's say that at one point the Atani were made to live forever. But even the Quendi don't truly live forever. We die when the world does. What would it even mean, to be deathless like that?

ANDRETH: Our opinions on this have nothing to do with Elves. We had these theories way before we even knew Elves existed.

FINROD: Ok I'm gonna be real honest here, I kinda thought that you came up with these ideas because you were jealous of Elves. But you say this has nothing to do with Elves, and it never even occurred to you to make the comparison to our state. How can that be? The Atani have known about Elves for a long time.

ANDRETH: I'm gonna be honest with you: that is some typical Elf bullshit. The world does not revolve around you. We've always known that we were made to live forever. And I do mean forever. As in, no dying whatsoever. What about that doesn't make sense to you? Were you too busy thinking up your next subtle insult to listen to the words I was saying?

FINROD: Has it occurred to you that what you're saying may be batshit insane?

ANDRETH: It hasn't, actually. Many wise people among us would say the same thing I'm saying.

FINROD: Well, many wise Elves would say the same thing I'm saying. So there. I have two issues with the idea of complete deathlessness. First: you claim to have lives that will last longer than the world, and yet you are sustained by the world. How can that be? Second: if the Atani will live longer than the world will last, then your spirit and body must be separate from each other, or else the spirit would die when the body does. We Elves believe that the spirit and body belong together, and that the separation of the two is an evil.

ANDRETH: I get your first objection, and I do have an answer for it. The second one I don't understand.

FINROD: I'm surprised - it seems very obvious. But maybe the Atani are too close to the issue. We Elves have observed you all for many years, and we do love you (irritating beyond belief though you might be), so we do know something about you.

FINROD: To break it down: the spirits of the Atani and the Quendi are not the same. It's obvious in the way we look at the world. You Atani view the world with a surprise and delight that we Elves can't muster. It's like...we love the world, but in the way that we love a familiar home; you love the world like you're a guest in our home, visiting for the first time

ANDRETH: Guests? In your home?

FINROD: That's what we call you!

ANDRETH: (sarcastic) How incredibly gracious of you! We live here too, asshole. It's not like we have another home to go to.

FINROD: No, but seriously - it does actually seem like you're just guests here, and you belong somewhere else. Where do you belong? Where did these ideas about deathlessness come from, that are so strange and so foreign to our very nature?

ANDRETH: That's really interesting, actually. I think you're right, about Men - we do get bored after seeing the same world day after day, while the Elves don't. Previously we thought that was because Elves don't tire or decay the way we do. But now - if nothing in this world can make us feel at home - is that another aspect of Morgoth's curse on us? Or is it something fundamental to our nature as Atani?

FINROD: I think it's fundamental to your nature! And now you get my second objection. Death is the severing of body and spirit; immortality means that body and spirit remain together forever. If Men don't fully belong in Arda - and we have agreed that they don't - then wouldn't immortality in your current body be a curse? We've always assumed that when you die, your spirit goes to some other realm that is your true home. How can you be truly deathless and yet belong to a world that will inevitably die?

ANDRETH: You know what they say about assumptions. I don't believe that when Men die we go get a body in some other world, and leave our Arda-bodies behind. Because it is a grief to us, to die and lose our bodies. If what you suggested is true, then our bodies would be distasteful to our spirits: prisons rather than houses. But that's not true! We love our bodies; we are our bodies, as much as we are our spirits. Death doesn't "set our spirits free": it only hurts us.

FINROD: Okay, so let me get this straight. Your spirits are guests here, but your bodies belong fully to this world - but they are indivisible from each other.

FINROD: The only way that works is...if your spirits take your bodies with them, when you depart for whatever world is your true home. That would be amazing, if true. What is the land that is the true home of Men like, I wonder?

ANDRETH: Only Eru knows, I guess. Even the wisest of us haven't thought much about that. We've mostly thought about the nature of Men, not what the next world might be like.

FINROD: So it's not just Elves who think too much about themselves!

FINROD: ...but anyway. This idea of yours is actually really cool! If it's true, it means that Men, rather than being the lesser followers of Elves, were intended to be healers of the world, and bring all of us children of Eru into a new Arda, without any evil in it. I never heard of this from the Valar, but now I wonder if they just...couldn't comprehend it! Or maybe Eru never told them. Maybe all of this is meant to be a build-up to some big reveal from him!

ANDRETH: What would the "big reveal" be?

FINROD: Deliverance from death, of course! I think I was wrong earlier, when I defined death as the separation of spirit and body. Death is the annihilation of both spirit and body. And if what you say is true, Men could deliver us from that fate! By your power you could allow all the Children of Eru, Men and Elves alike, to bring our bodies and spirits both to a new, truly deathless world.

FINROD: And what a world it would be! Men and Elves could walk together, with no fear of death ever dividing them. Such songs we would sing to you, for that!

ANDRETH: Uh-huh. And what would you do when you weren't singing our praises on the hilltops? Because you all are annoying as fuck to talk to in this world.

FINROD: Who knows? Maybe we would tell you tales from when the Eldar first awoke, before all the terrible things that happened later. In your world we Quendi would be the "guests," and you the hosts; you the lords, us the followers! We Elves have the gift of an unfading memory, which you have not: and in this new world we could tell such stories!

ANDRETH: But this is terrible to think about, because that future is not assured. Men have been cursed. We are not deathless now.

FINROD: Is there no hope then?

ANDRETH: What do you mean by "hope"? If you mean, "some ground to stand on when we say things won't be terrible forever," then uh...no. No hope whatsoever.

FINROD: Well that's one kind of hope. But when I said hope, maybe I really meant faith: faith that Eru won't let this state of affairs continue forever. Faith that Eru loves his children, and wouldn't leave us all to die with no recourse or comfort. Do you have none of that hope in Eru?

ANDRETH: Maybe - but we Men have suffered so much already! Why would Eru allow us to suffer so much? Morgoth has won, and he rules our fate now.

FINROD: Don't say such things!

ANDRETH: If you truly want to understand us - you must hear this. Most if not all of us already believe that. In fact the only Men who don't believe that Morgoth is their lord are those of us who came West. And hope is fading even among us, because we hoped for light and healing in the West, and didn't find it. Maybe there is no hope.

FINROD: That sounds awfully pessimistic.

ANDRETH: I think the pessimism is warranted. We've been cursed by Morgoth: who can un-curse us? How could such a thing happen? And even if we were un-cursed, what would happen to all the Men who've died already? There's only one belief - the Old Hope - that provides any kind of answer at all, and their answer is kind of crazy.

FINROD: Well, what is the Old Hope?

ANDRETH: That Eru himself will come into Arda, and lift Morgoth's curse upon us.

FINROD: Do you believe this?

ANDRETH: How can I? It's completely insane. You say that Eru isn't just a greater Vala, or some other kind of "god" who's still bound to Arda, but rather something entirely different and much mightier. Yes?

FINROD: That's correct - the Valar even say so, and they're not likely to lie.

ANDRETH: Exactly. So how could Eru, who created this whole world and everything in it, and has absolute power over it, come into it? It doesn't make sense.

FINROD: I mean, in some sense he's already here, right? Like, his hand is in everything, because he created everything. But I see what you mean: there's two ways of being "within" Arda.

ANDRETH: Yeah, you see what I'm saying. Sure, his hand is on Arda. But how could he, himself and entire, come into the world and live as we do? Wouldn't it just...break everything?

FINROD: Don't ask me. That's not a question for Elves. I don't think it's even a question for the Valar. But I'm sure Eru could find a way, if he wanted to.

FINROD: Now that I think about it, the Old Hope actually makes a certain amount of sense! I don't believe that Eru will let his Children suffer forever. I refuse to believe it. But in some ways Morgoth has irretrievably cursed this world. He added evil to everything, so that nothing within Arda is purely good. That means the final answer to Morgoth's evil must come from beyond the world!

ANDRETH: Wait, so you believe the Old Hope?

FINROD: I'm not sure yet. I've never heard anything like this before.

FINROD: But maybe we two races were meant to meet like this, so that you could pass on this great hope to the Quendi! In fact, Andreth, dear one, maybe we two, ourselves, were meant to meet, so that you could bring comfort to my people, in this time of great fear, and that the Quendi and the Atani might be brought closer together!