#i may follow up with s4 and shit

[togeblurbs]

Do You Miss Us?

Five Hargreeves x F!Reader - angst with a happy ending (yeah… happy ish ending)

synopsis: when you find out Five and Lila kissed, you don’t know what to feel. All you know is that you need to get away. Because it was one thing for them to kiss, and another to realize that in the time spent apart, Five Hargreeves may not love you anymore.

content/warnings: hints of anxiety, curse words, cheating, s4 spoilers, mentions of disassociation, morally grey characters, not lore accurate, not really canon, doesn’t focus on the plot moreso reader & fives relationship, lmk if i forgot anything

“Y/n, please,”

you continue walking, wiping away the incessant tears that stream down your face. you feel nauseas, and your chest hurts in a way that it pains you to breathe.

he catches your wrist in his hand, and you turn around, angered. “What? What could you possibly say that would make this better, Five?”

he looks distraught, if not more than you and the thought has your hands shaking in fury. for what reason did he have to be so upset? you weren’t the one who disappeared for a few hours - which ended up being seven years - and then kissed another person.

“I fucked up, I didn’t… You don’t understand, I was losing my mind.” he slips his hand from your wrist to intertwine your fingers, but you shake his grip off in disgust. he looks at you so brokenly at the action, you almost feel bad.

but then you remember her, and you feel the bile rise to your throat once more. “I don’t understand?” you say slowly, taking a step forward.

you point at him, “I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand. I knew some shit was going on between you two, with your secrets and odd glances. But I trusted you, Five. You know why?”

he looks at you with wide eyes, seeming almost unsettled by your outburst. “Because I loved you.” you whisper.

you huff out a laugh, shaking your head as you wipe the remnants of your tears. “But that didn’t matter in the end. You were alone with her for seven years, so it makes sense. I wish you nothing but happiness, Five. Even if it’s away from me.”

you turn, moving to walk again, but he crashes into you from behind and wraps his arms around you. “Please,” his hands are trembling where they rest on your stomach, and although you want to soothe him, you don’t think you are in the place to at the moment.

you take a shaky deep breath, before carefully untangling his hands from your torso. he whimpers pitifully at the action, and you have to stop yourself from giving in and drawing him closer.

you used to bring him comfort, give him love and make him feel safe; but it seemed it was not enough; because in the end he chose someone else.

you turn back around, “I need some time alone right now, Five.” you tug at your bottom lip with your teeth, ripping the skin. you don’t want to look at his face, so you choose to stare at the chipped paint on the wall.

Five lifts his hand for a moment, before dropping it. “Will you come back?” his voice has never sounded so childlike; as though he can’t bear the thought of you leaving and never coming back.

you swallow harshly, “I’ll come back.”

he nods, his own arms wrapping around himself.

“I just don’t know if it will be for you.”

you take a chance and glance at his face, hating the way your heart hurts when his expression crumples.

back in the room, you were so sure he was in love with Lila, but now you’re starting to doubt yourself. because if he truly felt something for her, would he really be crying in front of you right now?

you don’t know. you also don’t feel like you have it in you to make any assumptions.

you turn around, your back facing Five. “I’ll see you later. Don’t follow me.”

and with that, you walk out of Five’s life, unknowingly carrying his heart with you.

-

Five lays in a bed - not his, for years it’s never been his - and recounts the last seven years.

he remembers missing you immensely in the beginning. for the first three years, you were all he could think about.

and then his friendship with Lila began to grow. the time he wished to spend with you, he was now spending with her. it was odd at first, because the two were not close friends of any sort. but when you’re trapped in a different time-line, or different universe, you become allies with those you normally wouldn’t.

somewhere along the way, they had provided one another with the comfort they lacked from their significant others.

it wasn’t supposed to end up that way. it wasn’t.

but now Five can’t get the way you looked at him out of his head; it was like he physically shot you in the chest, or told you he didn’t love you. like he betrayed you.

he grasps at his own chest, curling up into a ball beneath the covers. he feels like he’s going to die.

and maybe that would be for the best. he’s lived a long, torturous life. with a nut-job for a father, siblings that were always thinking about themselves and a lover who he’d ruined everything with, what was the point of life anymore?

its been a month since Five had seen you, and the ache in his chest has yet to go away. he couldn’t find it in himself to eat, often laying in bed as Luther force-fed food down his throat in fear that he would truly pass away.

it’s just another late night, and Five takes the time to stare at the broken glass window as the sun begins to set. the only sound in the room comes from the clock, the constant ticks helping him disassociate and think about you.

he distantly hears the door creak open, but is too exhausted to look at who it is. he doesn’t really care anyway, because he knows it’s not going to be you.

“Five?”

he blinks slowly. it almost sounded like you, but he figured he was hearing things at this point.

“Five,” he feels a hand smooth over his shoulder. gentle in a way he’d only ever experienced with you. his head turns, if only slightly, and he catches sight of your concerned face.

his eyes widen, he forces himself to sit up even if his arms have little to no strength left. “What are you… what are you doing here?” he croaks.

you sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed. it’s far too away from Five, he wants to pull you in the bed and bring you into his arms.

“Should I leave?” you glance at the door for a second, but Five immediately grabs onto your hands and shouts, “No! No, please. Please stay.”

you look shocked at his outburst, nodding softly.

the silence in the room is deafening, but Five is merely happy you’re there. Seven years and then some apart from you was not easy, and after his last conversation with you, he knows he’ll feel unsettled until he makes it right. if he can make it right.

“I did some thinking.” you start, cautious.

Five watches you with fear, scared to hear your next words.

“I’m not angry anymore. I understand you went through a lot being trapped again, and I can’t blame you for falling in love with Lila since she was there for you. I do wish you broke it off with me before kissing her, but what’s done is done.”

your voice comes out stable, like you’ve thought it all through and are content to leave things as they are. but Five is shaking his head the moment you say the word love and Lila in the same sentence, because that could not be more far from the truth.

“Wait, please stop it,” he begs, seeming desperate.

“I understand why you might think that way, but I do not love Lila.” he feels lighter with the words being spoken. he’s been aching to clarify this the moment you found out they kissed, but hasn’t had the chance.

your brows furrow, and you pick at the cotton sleeve of your hoodie. “Um, I see.” you look so confused, he can’t help but move closer to you.

you look at him, body rigid. you don’t seem comfortable around him anymore, and the thought has him clutching his chest in pain.

“Y/n, I love you.”

you recoil immediately, and it prompts Five to reach out instinctively.

the words tumble out of his mouth, like he’s scared you’re going to run before he can finish getting everything out. “I haven’t stopped loving you, Lila and I.. when we, you know, it was a moment of weakness after losing you and being trapped again. I wished every day that I could see you, but I was stuck.”

you move to stand, and a part of Five’s heart breaks for what he thinks will be the last time ever. because if you walk out of this room, he knows he won’t be able to love again. you are it for him, and if he doesn’t have you, then he’d rather stay alone for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry, I truly am. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, but I need you to know that I love you.”

at the end of his little speech he breathes out, listening to his heart thump loudly in his ears.

it’s odd, he thinks. love has always been so painful, so destructive. but with you it was simple. it was calm, steady and soft. he wonders; he hopes, that he’ll be able to experience it again. after all, a healthy type of love was rare for his kind.

he watches you walk closer, reaching a hand out and placing it on his cheek. he leans into it, closing his eyes as he missed your touch immensely. you use the other hand to push his hair back, planting a kiss on his forehead.

his eyes shoot open at the feeling, and he stares at you in wonder. he begins to feel hope bubble in his chest.

“You love me?” you ask quietly.

he nods, “Only you. Only ever you.”

you exhale, shoulders drooping as you move to sit beside him. you wrap an arm around his waist and one on his neck, pulling him down as you lay on the small bed. his head falls to your neck, and he sneaks a small kiss in, hoping you won’t push him away.

“I can’t promise that i’ll forgive you completely. At least not right now. And I’ll probably hate Lila forever, but I don’t think I can walk away from you knowing you love me.”

you run a hand through his hair, feeling him nod into the space between your head and your shoulder. “I know, I completely understand.”

you pat his head gently, staring up at the ceiling.

“I love you too, Five. I don’t think I ever won’t.”

he rubs his face into your neck, and you feel something wet touch it. you card your fingers through his hair once more, cooing.

“Thank you,” his voice comes out shaky, but he hopes you hear the sincerity.

you shift the two of you until you’re underneath the covers, cradling him in your arms with his head on your chest. “Don’t thank me yet. I will be making out with Diego as revenge.”

Five lifts his head, “What?!”

sorry if this is ooc:>

[ambrosialdesire]

OMG i would like to request yandere bertolt x paradis reader.you can pick whatever part of the timeline you want, maybe he managed to survive to take her to marly, or maybe she just tried to escape on marly or paradis, or maybe he just kidnapped her I don't really care

Thank you

desiderate

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS AND BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: s4 bertolt x fem!reader word count: 9.5k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, some explicit sexual content, s4 bertolt au, implied non-con, violence, kidnapping mention, stalking, forced kissing (kinda dubcon), slight groping, kinda masochistic bertolt, cigarette usage/smoking, blood kink, knife kink, slight voyeurism, male masturbation mention, panty jerking off mention (?), slight body mutilation, scarification implications, all characters are 18+ synopsis: they've brought you here on this foreign land, a land that was once believed to be completely overrun with monsters. you've been living pretty easy with this new life of yours but it's hard to forget about what he's done to your old home. this singular man, capable of complete destruction despite his nervous demeanor. there may be humans here but the true monster still remained, watching your every move until he was ready to strike. a/n: IM NGL IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO REQUEST BERTOLT LMFAO i made bro a creep cause i feel like between bertie and reiner, bertie definitely has the tendency to be lurking and stalking behind corners and constantly following you and finding to opportunity to snatch your underwear to jerk off into LOL the reference that i used for s4 bertolt is this fanart that was used in a tiktok edit but i have no idea who made the art and it's making me scream bc it's definitely how i imagine what he looks like (but with thicker chin stubble) and i want to give the right creds (if you look up s4 bertolt/bertholdt fanart on google and see a tiktok image of him smoking, that's what i'm talking about but i want to give actual creds to the artist) also mb on the smoking scenes idk how it feels to smoke but i do sorta know the distinct smell of it this is also in no way connected to the cacoëthes series just to let yall know hehe i hope you enjoy this anon! thank sm for your request!! and sorry for the wait LOL note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

"Call off your damn hound Reiner, I'm getting sick of his shit."

Pushing past the blond as you entered his home, you made your way to his dining table. You huffed as you sat down, leaning back against the chair as your boot-covered legs kicked up on the wooden table. Reiner rolled his eyes, pushing them back down to the ground with a heavy thud. He crossed his arms, leaning on the wall adjacent from where you sat.

"A hello first would suffice. What's Bertolt getting himself into again?"

"My business!" Exasperated, you threw your hands over your face. "He keeps fucking following me and it's starting to freak me out. You guys know I'm not suspicious anymore, there's no way for me to be able to contact Paradis Island at all."

Saying your old home's name had started to feel foreign on your tongue unfortunately. It's been over four years since you've been whisked away by these two assholes and living here has been nothing but a thorn on your side. You worked under the Warrior Unit, mostly a simple soldier for both Bertolt and Reiner to boss around for basic things. It's nothing different from your time as a scout but it's frustrating working for them instead of with them.

You don't know why they took you away with them instead of breaking out their other accomplice, Annie, but after a handful of screaming, punching, kicking, and biting from you, they managed to drag you off to the boat. You stayed there for an estimated week or so with random strangers coming and going, poking and prodding at you as if you were one of Hange's experiments on Eren and randomly caught Titans.

The two of them finally came back one random night unconscious, battered and beaten to the point where their Titan healing powers couldn't even help them fast enough. You needed them alive — how else were you going to manage escaping this unknown place of theirs — so you helped tend to their wounds, staying at their sides until they were finally awake.

Once they were conscious enough, you punched Reiner square on the nose, spinning around to smash your knuckles right into Bertolt's cheek. Your hand was throbbing in pain but the burning fury you felt was stronger. By the time they woke up, the boat already was leaving the docks, and now you were most likely already miles away from home.

"You fucking assholes."

Blood was dripping down his nose, while a cut just barely formed on the bruised skin of the other. It was in vain however. Steam was steadily coming out of the two of them, meaning that the healing was back in working condition.

"FUCK! I didn't even say anything yet!" Reiner scowled as he placed his hands around his nose, snapping it back in place with a nauseating crack.

Bertolt laid there quietly however, lanky fingers brushing against the welt on his face but he was unable to meet your stare. Tears started streaming down your face, your body crumpling to the floor. You were completely hurt, you trusted these two like they were family, especially Bertolt. Was he really who you thought he was? How could they do this to you? To everyone back in Paradis?

"Why? Why me?"

The two of them fell even more silent, Reiner looking up at the ceiling while Bertolt closed his eyes shut as if he was the one that was currently going through it.

"Well say something goddamnit! Why am I here?" You were beyond angry, voice crackling from how loud you were screaming at them. "Tell me!"

Bertolt finally opened his eyes, pale green staring into yours. You couldn't see him. There was only the Colossal Titan looking down at you as if you were nothing but an insignificant speck on the wall. He opened his mouth, uttering remorselessly one phrase that made you even more resentful of their entire beings.

"I'm sorry."

Now you were here after long months of being processed and interviewed over and over by many Marleyan higher-ups, eventually and finally gaining their trust. You knew they still didn't like you but who really gives a shit, they left you alive and that's all you could be grateful for.

Since you directly worked underneath the two Titan shifters, they were able to get you housing and some basic supplies for you to be able to function properly in their society, as well as a good amount of pocket money to buy whatever you needed. You didn't go out of the house for a month though, still horribly and rightfully angry at them. You were also afraid of the idea that you'd get mobbed immediately once you stepped out and killed on sight by the locals.

Bertolt was the one that finally knocked on your door, tired and baggy eyes focused on the peephole. Part of you wanted to keep the door closed and ignore his presence, but he might report you or something stupidly petty. When you opened it up, the faint waft of bitter tobacco invaded your senses, nose wrinkling at the unfamiliar smell.

As you looked up at him, he felt and looked even more like a stranger than a past friend. It's only been a month but it looked like he had gotten broader at the shoulders and taller. He was wearing a beige uniform, a white undershirt and black tie peeking out of the chest of the long, belted trench coat. His black hair was partially pushed back with gel, slightly being more grown out from the last time you saw him. The way he held himself now in Marley was completely different from Paradis, an eerie calmness surrounding his person. He used to hunch into himself when he was a trainee and a soldier, but now his back was rigid and straight, arms hidden neatly behind his back. The posture reminded you of the utmost dedicated soldiers in the Scout Regiment.

"You haven't been going to work." He softly spoke, his head slightly tilting to the side.

"So?"

"Failure to comply means termination. Termination means you'll get kicked out of Marley. Getting kicked out of Marley means death." Alright, straight to the point. Even the way he was speaking sounded different, as if he had suddenly gained a newfound confidence that was only present here in his homeland.

"You guys really thought I was able to function properly in a new continent where everything is different in a few months? Not to mention, I'm still pissed off at the two of you but fine. I'll come in tomorrow. Goodbye." You proceeded to close the door on him but he stopped it with his boot. Groaning under your breath, you tried pushing at the door so he could back off, but it was to no avail.

His hand grabbed the side of the door and heaved it open with little struggle, letting himself in as you toppled back into the ground from the force.

"You haven't been going out at all. When's the last time you bought groceries?" You flinched, avoiding his judging gaze. How did he know?

"Last month." You muttered as you got up from the ground, brushing yourself off.

Bertolt sighed, glancing off to the side. "Okay. I'll wait here for 15 minutes. Go get dressed and get your money, I'll help you navigate the markets."

You didn't want to but food was definitely running low, and you don't know how long the canned meat in your pantry was going to last in your anger-riddled protest. You made your way upstairs, rummaging through the closet and grabbing the cleanest clothes you were able to find and put on within the time limit he gave. Making your way back down, you found him in the exact same spot, his eyes glancing around the living room.

"Alright. Let's go and we're going to make it quick. I don't think I can stomach standing next to you for this long." You bitterly grumbled, moodily pulling the door open. Bertolt followed after, closing the door for you and taking the lead. What sucked even more was how quickly you had to dash after him, his steps being too large for you to have a steady pace next to him. Maybe him being a near giant compared to a normal person — you noticed as the two of you walked through crowds of people — was thanks to the Titan DNA.

Each passerby gave you a look as you walked on through but never spared a second glance, which was good. You knew that you were an unfamiliar being, a foreigner that was never supposed to be here in the first place. The farmer's market was still open, vegetables and fruits neatly lined up in each stall. He did most of the talking, being able to haggle easier due to his status and the blaring armband that wrapped around his upper arm. You didn't like having to be publicly labeled, it felt like you were merely a product rather than a person.

You were focusing on a stall with jars of honey and jams when some person suddenly shoved you aside with their shoulder, body suddenly losing its balance due to the amount of groceries you were holding on one arm. You prepared for the impact of the cobbled ground but never felt it, instead feeling a firm hand snug in-between your curve of your side and another on your shoulder.

"Careful now." You opened your eyes, meeting his in shock once he steadied you back on your feet. Bertolt's face soon turned to a bright red, his hands quickly leaving you, and his gaze glancing away. Perhaps there really is still some semblance of the man you knew in your homeland.

"Th-thanks..." Adjusting the bag stiffly back up your arms, you proceeded forwards without him, leaving him behind at the stall. It became a usual thing eventually, he'd come over every two weeks to make sure you were fine and the two of you would go out buying your necessities for an hour or two. It didn't erase the fact that you still hated them, but at least he was helping you get comfortable in this strange new world.

You finally started going to work as promised, wearing an awkward and stuffy white uniform that made even the tangling straps of the cadet uniform pale in comparison. According to the paper that came with the uniform, you were to report to Reiner and Bertolt in one of the headquarters' rooms. However, the details were so vague that you were completely lost in the beginning, roaming the hallways without a clue where you were heading.

"Soldier. Face me."

You stiffened, turning around and straightening up. The tall man was vaguely familiar, a full blond beard lining his face and round spectacles hiding his eyes. His right hand raised up as if he was saying hello and you quickly returned the gesture, somewhat remembering that it was their version of a salute.

"Name and ranking?"

"Y/N L/N, er... I'm not sure of my ranking sir. I just know I'm assigned to work for the Vice Captain and one of the Warriors?" You shuffled your feet awkwardly and he nodded, gesturing his hand for you to follow him. He started scratching his ear as he walked, as if he was in thought. To you, he really felt familiar but you couldn't quite place where the feeling belonged.

"Ah yes," His eyes glanced at you, the blue color peeking out from behind the glasses. "Now I remember. You're Reiner and Bertolt's human souvenir from the devil island, aren't you?"

Is that what they called you? And how dare he call your home a devil island! A bubble of anger was rising within you, but you didn't want to take it out on the older man that was helping you find your way. He had to be a higher-up based on his demeanor and you'd rather not get in more trouble.

"...Yes sir, I am."

"You were supposed to be here a month ago." You cringed internally but nodded slowly.

"It's my fault sir. I've only been here for a few months and everything is too... new. I hope my absence didn't affect anything." The man simply hummed, stopping at a door with the words 'WARRIORS UNIT' neatly carved into the wood. You pulled the door for him, letting him saunter in before you entered.

"I found your little pet, you two." His hand pressed against the small of your back, pushing you forwards towards a table where the two of them sat. They looked completely exhausted and were partially bandaged up, quietly sparing a glance at you with a short wave.

You settled yourself in-between them, about to thank the man for helping you but he was already stepping away, going outside to light up a cigarette.

"Don't mind Zeke, he's just... eccentric like that. Hope he didn't offend you." Reiner pushed a pile of papers towards you to sort once you turned back to them, saying something about piling them from who sent them; the important files being from the commander and the Marleyan superiors and the unimportant files being from other soldiers. It slowly dawned on you that you became some sort of assistant to them, a glorified secretary for their war schemes.

"It's nothing too difficult, you're lucky to get this kind of work compared to us and the other Eldian soldiers." Bertolt slightly smiled, continuing to read a paper in his hands and you sighed quietly, beginning to sort. Part of you was grateful you didn't have to face war anymore, but the other part didn't want to be treated differently. Maybe the Marleyans thought that you'd defect once you were on the field or kill as many as you can with a weapon in your hands, going out in a blaze of glory. You never held a gun before though and it was most likely that everyone in this military could shoot you down before you could aim it at one person.

An hour or two passed by and you finished up the sorting, neatly tapping them together. It really wasn't a difficult task at all, were they going to make you do something else for today? You quietly waited for any orders, the two focused on their own thing until Reiner suddenly got up.

"I'll go get lunch for us. Y/N, you can relax for now, there's nothing else we need from you today. Good work." He ruffled the top of your head playfully, just like he did before after a training session in the corps. The blond soon left the room, leaving only Bertolt and you alone.

The two of you sat in silence, your hands fiddling with the seams of your uniform. Was sorting the only thing you're going to be doing during your time here? You'd quit within the month if that was the case but if not, maybe in due time you'll save enough money to open up your own shop. You've always wanted to sell clothing back in Paradis, just like your mother and father.

"You look good in the uniform." Bertolt finally mumbled out, the sound of a paper flipping over barely making it audible. You slightly flushed at the comment, diverting your attention to the closest wall in sight.

"Really? I feel like a wet cotton ball, it's so uncomfortable. The scouts uniform is way better." You grumbled, tugging at the cloth around your legs.

He slightly laughed at that, shaking his head. "No way. The scouts uniform was too tight, not to mention the straps were always so difficult to put on."

"Maybe it's cause you're a literal giant compared to everyone there. I just know they had to customize a whole other set for your ass." He snorted and started laughing, dropping the paper in his hand. You couldn't help but let out a few chuckles as well, crossing your arms together. The two of you bantered for a little bit longer and just for a second, it felt like you were right back home in the training corps canteen.

Everything fuzzed out in your hearing and you soon found yourself comparing home to here. The smells were different, not quite fresh as the countryside air and had a more smoky tone with every breath you took. The sights were different, more machinery was seen rather than grassy fields and trees. The people were different, there was no one recognizable to chat with besides your kidnappers. Everything here had entirely evolved and you were being forced to adapt to it. The realization made you feel a drop in your stomach, tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes.

"Bertolt."

"Hm?"

"I want to go back home." Your voice was meek, heavy droplets falling down and staining the white fabric beneath you. His body stiffened and he got up from his chair, almost slamming it into the table when he pushed it in.

"This is your home." He responded coldly, a singe of irritation trailing off his words as he left the room, slamming the heavy door shut. You started to sob quietly, tightly holding onto the sides of your sleeved arms.

No it wasn't, and Bertolt knew it too.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

Your work schedule was simple: Monday to Wednesday from 9:30 am to 6 pm, you served the Warrior Unit. Every other day, you could do whatever you wanted and that was that. The pay was pretty good for a livable wage, but nothing special. No task you were given from Reiner or Zeke was too difficult either, it was usually just sending out letters to their superiors or sorting anything they wanted you to sort. To be honest, it felt like they were just tolerating you since the Marley government didn't want to deal with you anymore. It sucked but it's better than being belly-up in the ocean.

You haven't tried to make amends with Bertolt after that day because one, it was his fault so why would you apologize anyways and two, he hasn't been around that often in the office space. Reiner explained to you that there will be days, sometimes weeks or months where some or none of them will be here. Apparently when they came back with the failure to retrieve the Founding Titan, the loss of Annie and her Titan, and the inability to capture Eren's special Titan, some nations came together and declared war on Marley.

"Hopefully it won't be so often that we're going to be gone for long. Wouldn't want to have you sit at home and do nothing." Reiner teased with a slight nudge against your arm before downing his glass of liquor.

"I do nothing even when working. Maybe I'll pick up some new hobbies when you guys are gone, like knitting or cross-stitching."

Maybe you can give the creations to your neighbors since you were just doing it for fun. One of them is an expectant mother and since you had moved in, she had been nothing but kind to you. It would be nice to give something to her in return.

"Alright grandma." You elbowed his side hard, rolling your eyes. He grunted and started rubbing the affected area, grumbling under his breath about your temper.

"Where's Bertolt? Aren't you guys inseparable?" He suddenly cleared his throat, adjusting himself in his seat. Back in the training corps and the short time in the Survey Corps, you've rarely seen the two separated. Wherever Reiner went, Bertolt followed suit.

"Probably caught up in something. He'll be here soon, he never cancels without notice." He waved his hand dismissively and you thought none the wiser, tracing your finger around the rim of your glass before taking a swig.

"Already missing him?" You suddenly choked on the liquor, throat burning at the sensation. No way. No way in hell, you'd ever miss him. He could get swallowed up by another Pure Titan and you wouldn't even bat an eye. You'd laugh instead, basking in the blood that would gush out of his torn corpse.

Before you could even say anything back, a soft voice popped into the conversation. "Missing who?"

The two of you turned and there stood Marley's behemoth, still dressed to the nines in his uniform. Reiner greeted him happily, ignoring the question completely, turning towards the bartender and ordering another scotch for his friend. Bertolt settled right next to you, taking the glass in his hand and drinking up the entire thing in one go, some liquid spilling out of the corner of his lips. He quickly wiped it up with his thumb, his tongue peeking out and licking the remnants away. His cold green eyes glanced down at you suddenly, catching you staring at him.

A flush of heat went through your skin, quickly looking away to stare into your partially-full glass. The drinks kept on coming, the haze of alcohol filling everyone's systems. You were the least intoxicated, slowly taking in the new attitudes and information from your drunk companions. It wasn't much but they became more chatty, opening up about their lives before Paradis.

"I joined because of my mother." Reiner moved his glass towards the bartender, his head leaned up against his arm as he watched the brown liquid fill up his cup.

"Oh yeah?" He nodded, taking a sip from the newly refilled glass before speaking once more.

"She had high hopes that our family would've been whole again. Me, her, and my father. He's, uh—" He cleared his throat, turning his attention towards you. A faint dust of pink rested on his cheeks, a cheeky smile growing. "He's a Marley-blooded man, so y'know... I'm not really supposed to..."

"Exist." You muttered as you finished his sentence and he let out a soft laugh, nodding lightly before downing his drink again.

"Harsh, but more or less, you could say that's it. Compared to me though," The black-haired man closed his eyes, huffing softly. "Bertolt here is more tragic."

Curious but puzzled, you turned your attention towards him, his hand running through his gelled locks and he mumbled something under his breath before taking a shot. You did wonder a bit about how this man turned out to be the worst attacker on Paradis Island's humanity, it felt sickening thinking about a sweet little boy being trained into a horrid monster.

"You know I hate talking about it Reiner." The blond snorted, turning on his chair and leaning back on the bar's counter.

"C'mon. Let her in on your situation, after all—" He stood up, walking over to him and placing his hand over his shoulder, leaning in close to his ear that you almost barely caught what he said.

"You owe her that much."

Reiner made his way to the bathroom, leaving the two of you alone once more together. The thought of trying to decipher what he meant flew past your inebriated mind and so you sat in silence, instead thinking that you might as well make your way home now. It was probably already past midnight, and you were sure that you were waking up late with a massive headache. As you finalized your decision, turning in your stool and towards the door without a goodbye, the thump of glass hitting wood snapped you out of it.

"I was raised only by my dad." Bertolt started and you slowly turned back towards the counter, your full attention on him.

"Don't know what happened to my mom, he never really told me and I was never curious enough to ask. It was just the two of us for as long as I knew but even as a kid that could barely read, I knew that he wasn't... okay." His fists clenched together and you could hear the cracks of his joints from how tightly he was gripping.

"When you're born an Eldian and live in the farthest parts of the internment camps, medicine is hard to get by and treatment is even more difficult to obtain. The minute I became eligible to join, I took the opportunity." You don't know what compelled you in the moment, but you placed a hand on one of his fists. He started relaxing once he realized that you were touching him, still stiff as he reminisced further.

"Did they give him the meds?" Bertolt nodded, taking in a shallow breath.

"A few days right after I inherited the Colossal, they started giving him everything they promised and he was getting better day by day. It wasn't until I left for our mission in Paradis that his condition evolved into something worse." You swallowed nervously, slipping your fingers into his and holding his massive hand gently. His head turned towards you, his eyes soft as he looked into your gaze.

You've never seen or heard him be so vulnerable before, guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. For him, he was fighting a one-sided war against your home, all because he wanted to take care of his dad. Yet in return, he caused the displacement of so many from their families, ripping them apart with a few kicks into the walls.

"When Zeke came on Paradis and we finally met up, I asked him about my dad and he told me that despite all the medicine and treatment that he's been getting, he wasn't getting any better. I had to see him again, no matter if I had failed the original mission or not. I couldn't die on that island without being able to see him again and I just barely made it. Sometimes the way we escaped made me wonder how I even made it out of there. It was only for a few months that I got to spend with him once we came back, but he passed away in his sleep last month."

His hand tightened around yours, though not enough to break it. No wonder he started to look more disheveled and exhausted recently, his whole reason for getting where he is was now gone. You pitied him but that didn't excuse the murders of thousands he did in your homeland. At the same time, it didn't mean that you should bring that major fact up, not when he was currently grieving.

"I'm sorry Bertolt."

"It's alright, you don't have to pity me. I have more to be sorry about towards you and the others. I'll never be able to properly make it up, nothing I'll ever do will be enough to wash away the blood on my hands."

The two of you sat there in silence, a warm hand around one cold hand. You really should leave now, before Reiner comes back and you'll be stuck drinking even more than you wanted to. You attempted to finally slide off the wooden seat, but he clenched your hand gently and tugged you towards him instead. Your eyes fluttered in both confusion and tiredness as you stood in front of his sitting frame. Blinking once, his face appeared right in front of yours. His free hand slid behind and rested against the nape of your neck, feeling thin but calloused fingertips tenderly brush against the skin as he pulled you even closer.

Okay... this was getting a little too weird for your liking. Beginning to open your mouth to verbalize your annoyance and trying to move back, he then took the opportunity to press his lips against yours.

You could taste the alcohol that the three of you had been previously been consuming intertwine with the tobacco's bitterness of the cigarettes he used, a vagueness of something sweet brushing up against your tongue as he tried to coax you into returning the action. His stubble was rough against your skin the more he moved, digging deeper as he pressed further into your mouth.

You had half the mind to bite that damn muscle of his, but the warmth of both the alcohol and him was stupefying, hypnotizing. It felt like you were melting against him, a warmth pooling in your stomach and in-between your thighs. Slowly, you convinced yourself to return the kiss, gravitating into his embrace. It was stupid of you to do considering you hate the guy but hey, who doesn't do stupid shit every now and then? Fuck, you even started wrapping your arms around his neck and shoulders.

There wasn't much people in the bar anyways, either too drunk off their minds to care or simply ignoring the disgusting couple intertwining themselves in the public space. The bartender was off chatting with another patron, most likely used to the sight of a couple making their passion uncomfortably known to others. It's the Colossal Titan user, who on Marley dared tried to say something about it?

The hand that once was holding yours, grabbed at the crook of your back to draw you even more impossibly near him, then sliding down towards the curve of your ass. To your utmost surprise, he clutched and squeezed at the flesh firmly, feeling you up with this sudden confidence that you would never thought of him having before.

"Annie."

Sobriety hit you like a cold bucket of water splashing onto you once you heard her name slip through his swollen lips, taking no time to immediately shove the man right off of you. He just told you his story, that his dad had just died last month, and here he was, kissing and groping you and then suddenly calling out Annie's name. You were breathing hard, eyes wide as saucers as you stared down at him in shock.

"What the fuck? What the fuck!?"

Bertolt's hand reached out to you, as if he was trying to make you lift him back up. You've never felt so nauseated to hear those very words come out of his lips as a valid apology, like it was no big deal.

"I love you."

You ran.

You ran out of the bar, into the blackened sea of night, never once looking back. If you did, you were afraid of what you might see in his eyes or if he was chasing after you. With tears lingering in the corners of your eyes, one single thought remained.

Out of everyone in the squadron, why did it have to be him?

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

For a month and a half the day after what happened, you never saw Bertolt in the office or around the internment zone.

It was probably the first time him and Reiner were ever separated for this long, the blond telling you that it was his own decision to be sent off into the battlefield alone. You wondered if he told him what he did to you after he came back from the bathroom, or excused why he was on the floor and why you were gone. Reiner never said anything about the incident, so it soon faded in the back of your mind into obscurity.

He wasn't your first kiss anyways, some now-dead nobody trainee back in the day was, and the two of you were drunk, stupid shit happens. Part of you also somewhat knew about Bertolt's fondness for the Female Titan user, originally not knowing about how close they were previously, but damn it. For a heated moment to be ruined like that left a sour taste in your mouth, and you couldn't help but hate him even more for it.

"He's back."

"Who?" Reiner's fist came down on the top of your head playfully, catching your attention from the paperwork.

"Y'know who. Better talk to him now before he passes out from exhaustion from the looks of it. Also, because I know you miss him~" He teased and you swatted his fist off of you, watching him as he walked off towards the main room laughing, leaving you with a pit in your stomach. You really didn't want to talk to him, even if a month had passed on by, but legally, he was your superior. Professionalism before personal feelings unfortunately.

You finally got up, walking slowly to the destination before taking in a deep breath and entering the medical unit. Bertolt was near an open window, a lit cigarette lazily nestled in-between his fingers as he stared out of it. He was the only person there and you swore that every time you saw him, he started to look more unrecognizable from his previous cadet days. His hair wasn't slicked back anymore, falling at the front of his eyes; in fact, you thought it might've grown out a little more from the last time you saw him. The Titan marks were still prominent on his face, like he had just transformed not long ago.

Wiping your clammy hands on your puffy uniform, you approached him, pulling up a chair nearby the bed and sitting down stiffly.

"Welcome back sir."

His head turned towards you and you swore that you felt the room grow colder as he gazed into you through the black strands of his messy hair. Maybe you were the only one that noticed, but his eyes were dead, hollow but still held some sharpness in those pale green irises. This was no longer the Bertolt you knew, this was a numbed man that got mentally thrown and torn apart in the arms of the constant war, the constant transforming, and the constant murder of many.

"Hit me."

"E-excuse me?" He must’ve gotten faster because you didn't realize how quickly he grabbed you until he pushed the palm against his healing skin. It was burning to the touch, as if you were right next to a blazing bonfire. Instinctively, you started to try and wiggle out of his grip but he held steady.

"Hit. Me." Bertolt's grip grew stronger around your wrist, fear creeping in through every cell in your body as you watched the surrounding skin pale from how hard he was holding. "That's an order."

You swallowed but nodded quickly in agreement, just so he can let go of you before any bones shatter. He immediately released you straight away, the action as fast as he previously took ahold of you and took a hit of the nearly burnt out stick. You had to hype yourself up for it, thinking back on every rotten memory you’ve had with him, balling up your fist and striking him as hard as possible where he originally placed your hand. The force made his head swing the other way, the cigarette butt dropping on the ground as your knuckles throbbed in agony. It was like directly punching a stony wall, not like the previous time you punched him on the boat to Marley.

You let go of the breath you didn’t even know you were holding, straightening back up as you held onto your wounded hand. "And how do you feel, Bertolt?"

Bertolt’s body didn’t move, but his hand began to slowly trailing up to the injury, pressing his fingers against the forming bruise. You flinched as he pushed his hair back to where you could finally see his eyes, exhaling the smoke that he previously took in through his nostrils. He glanced over in your direction and let out a soft chuckle, although you noticed that it didn't quite reach those dull eyes of his. There was one thought that lingered in your mind as you stared back into his gaze, that he must've gone crazy fighting in the frontlines.

"Good hit, make me bleed next time." ...What? "Though, I'm surprised that you decided to visit after... what we did the last time we saw each other."

Recovering quickly from trying to process what he just said at first, you cleared your throat, crossing your arms. "The Vice Captain requested me to visit his right hand man, who am I to refuse his wishes?"

He simply hummed in response, reaching for another cigarette in his pocket and his lighter. Placing the unlit stick at the side of his mouth, his eyes caught yours once more, a slight smirk forming. "When'd you start talking like the soldiers? You forget the years we've spent together already since I've been gone, or did you finally get in trouble for treating us like equals?"

You scoffed, pulling your lips in a thin line. "You're the one that gave me an order earlier, and I've had a recent revelation that I had to start acting like a subordinate rather your friend or buddy or whatever the fuck we are, so yeah, I guess it's the latter."

"Ahh, better watch your language then or I'll have to report you for profanity against a superior." Bertolt was of course joking, the mocking tone intertwining with his words. As you felt your eyebrow twitch in annoyance, the sound of lighter clicked and ignited, your eyes watching him pull the flame near.

"Y'know..." He started as he took in a drag, leaning his head back towards the ceiling and soon exhaling the smoke out slowly. "I've been thinking about you the entire time I was gone."

A heaviness plopped itself back on your shoulders, and you wanted nothing more but to excuse yourself out of his premises. You were about to say something to leave him alone, but he kept on talking, droning on and on about how he was counting down the days when he could finally see your face again. Bertolt mentioned that you were the only reason he kept on fighting, why he kept on killing so his commanders could see that he was doing such a swell job as their loyal Titan holder and let him leave early. What a horrible ideology, most of those people could've been innocents.

"And another thing, I kept thinking back on the kiss we shared that month ago." All the color drained from your face, turning and taking a step back to try and run, but felt his hand grasp onto the fabric right against your back. His voice had the same disdainfulness as before, a demandingness that you didn't even know he had in himself to project.

"Don't leave and turn back around. That is an order."

You grit your teeth, finally turning back around once he let go of your uniform and find him standing, his tall stature hovering over you. Nervousness crawled up your spine, flinching once you felt his cold fingers reach over to caress your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him. His eyes scanned your face, inspecting your features quietly before taking another drag of his cigarette. He then neared your face and press his lips against yours.

Recoiling at the abrupt kiss, you tried to push him away but the grip on your face was painfully tight, almost akin to the hold on your wrist earlier. You could do nothing but endure this assault, a slight whimper slipping out as the soreness of your face grew.

Bertolt's tongue brushed against your lips, trying to coax you into opening them. You might as well obey, just to get this over with and the fact that you were running out of oxygen at an alarming rate. Once you did, he pushed the smoke in your mouth as he deepened the kiss, the burn in your lungs and in your throat getting worse. In a panic, you bit down as hard as possible to free yourself, the taste of iron combining with the bitter nicotine. You quickly doubled over and started coughing, watching in tears as vague smoke came out of your mouth with every heave and breath.

"Ah." You peered up at Bertolt from within your teary vision, the tips of his fingers on his lips and pressing against the wound you inflicted. It was deep from what you're able to see, but already started to heal itself. Yet, that's not what at all made you run out the room in distress, almost vomiting into the bushes once you stepped foot out of the building.

You watched in mortified horror as he smeared the crimson around his lips and chin, a seemingly euphoric and satisfied expression reflecting on those pale green eyes of his. He looked down at your frozen form, crouching down and reaching over to your face with his bloodied fingers. A small whimper slipped out as he smeared the substance on your mouth, a hungry grin forming.

"Isn't this a beautiful sight? My blood on your lips, I wonder if I can make you bleed for me soon." It felt like he wasn't supposed to say it aloud, but maybe he wanted you to hear, to have a taste of what his true self was like. That thought alone made you run out, leaving him on the ground once again.

This time, you had to make sure you'd never see the sick fuck ever again.

‘•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•’

And this brings you back to the beginning, in Reiner's home completely agitated and frightened for your life.

The past few months, Bertolt resumed his normal duties along Reiner and you; although you limited your interactions with one another, you can’t help but notice that he was following you everywhere. Not just at work, but the times where you were on your breaks, going out to eat, shopping for groceries or clothes, even in your own home; you saw him. You barely caught him sometimes, he'd disappear in a blink once you tried to get in a second glance to confirm who you saw.

He lingered behind corners, staring at you with such a frightening glimmer in those dull eyes of his. He was usually expressionless as he stared into your very soul, not a single crooked smile or the usual slight upwards curve of his eyes. Nothing, absolutely nothing. And the strangest part was that he never said a word, just... stared. Sometimes he just stood there right in the public's view, crowds of people passing besides him without a single glance towards the weirdo in their way.

There was nothing you could do about it, he wasn't technically bothering anyone and due to the internment zone being rather small, they already knew that he was associated with you. How unfair it was. You wished you could live like them, ignorant and dismissive of the monster that stood right next to them.

Him being right outside of your window was your final straw, the lamplight just barely highlighting his features as he stood in your backyard. You screamed and backed up into your dining room table once you realized that he was right against your window, pressing his hand against the glass as his breath began to fog it up. His eyes were crazed, the first time you ever saw anything in them after weeks of ignoring him. You flung the drapes over the window — as if it could do anything to protect you — before running upstairs and hiding in your closet for the rest of the night.

If he was able to sneak up on you, to be that close without you noticing… what else has he done?

"He's being a fucking creep, Reiner. If it's not him trying to figure out that I'm some kind of double-crosser, it's him being some kind of perverted stalker." He snorted at your remark and you could tell that he was not entirely convinced. You took in a shaky breath, finally putting down your foot.

"Then I would like to request that I leave the Warriors unit and work somewhere else. I don't care where and if I have to move, all I want is to never see Bertolt ever again." Reiner's expression suddenly hardened and he pushed himself off the wall, leaning on the table opposite of you. You've never seen him quite as serious until now, unease filling your stomach.

"You do realize that we cannot protect you once you leave the unit, right? The only reason you're alive still is because of us, Y/N. Anywhere else in the other units, the generals and commanders will watch you like hawks for any mistake you make, minor or not. They would use any excuse to have your head." His hand rested on your shoulder and squeezed it firmly, checking his surroundings before leaning close into your ear.

"Look. I know about Bertolt's strange behavior, trust me, I've already noticed he's been off ever since he came back from that recent excursion. I don't know if I can convince him to stop doing this to you, but I mean it when I say that you're better off staying in our unit." He then leaned back and lightly smiled for more reassurance; a part of you felt that it was the scout in him that was talking and that made you feel a little better.

"We're all you got in this world and your best chance for living. C'mon, just give him one more shot." This wouldn't be happening in the first place if you left me back in Paradis, you thought bitterly but hesitantly nodded your head.

"Okay, fine. But you better get it in his head that I don’t want him stalking me anymore or I’ll report him to General Magath and leave the unit, no matter what the consequences are." You got up and headed towards the exit, turning your head to see him slowly push in your seat. He noticed that you didn't leave yet and lifted his hand up, almost waving goodbye.

"No promises," Reiner held up his pinky, slightly wiggling it. "But I'll do my best."

You scoffed, but smiled regardless.

"Then whatever happens, it'll be on you."

The next day continued on as usual, something normal for once as both Reiner and Bertolt weren't in today. You thought that they must've gotten deployed to another war since you hadn't seen any of the other Warriors either, but you continued work as usual for your shift. Even if you weren't required to, you might as well lighten the load for you the next time around.

By the time you were done with half of the stack, you finally called it quits, seeing that the sun had began to slowly set behind the towering buildings right outside of the windows. Clocking out, you slung your satchel over your shoulder and pushed past the doors, quietly walking back to your home. Now that you started to think further during your trek, it's strange that you didn't get any notification from Reiner about their sudden leave. He'd always gave you some kind of heads-up even if you didn't ask, either through a note or in person.

Was this something so serious that not even you can know about? That would make more sense, you're technically just an underling to them, you didn't need to know more confidential information from the Marleyans as a Paradisian; not like you wanted it or had any use for it anyways. The orange glow of the sun began to fade, the sky slowly turning darker by the minute as lamplights started to flicker on right on cue.

You were so close to home that you started to pick up the pace, a feeling of anticipation running through you. It's not like you felt scared, no. This was the first time in days that you finally felt like you didn't have to look over your shoulder, the first time in months where you didn't feel like you were being watched.

In a matter of minutes, you finally reached the front door of your home. You rummaged through your bag for the keys, taking your time as you pushed through the unfortunately crowded mess. There was no need to rush anymore, not until they come back, and hopefully Reiner was able to talk Bertolt out of his abhorrent, unprofessional behavior. Letting out a happy hum as you finally found what you were looking for, you pushed in the key and turned it open, only to be greeted with a gut feeling that caused goosebumps to immediately form on your skin.

Something was wrong. Despite everything being in their right and respective places, there was something... off. Standing still at the entrance way, you scanned the environment slowly, a lump forming in your throat as they darted to-and-fro nervously. The windows were locked, you knew they were, and none of the drapes seemed to be moved or altered from their original places. There was only one entrance and to get to the backyard, you would have to take the side fence door at the outside of the resident. You almost were tempted to back out of your own house, the one place where you've considered as the safest haven from the outside. This feeling, it had to just be that you were unused to being finally left alone... right?

You finally took a step inwards, the wood creaking underneath your boot. Mentally, it felt like excruciatingly long hours had just passed by for you to get another step, internally praying that your mind won't play tricks on you from the various sounds that were occurring in the considerably old home. There's nothing or no one here, you're just being a paranoid baby.

Exhaling slowly, you finally shut and locked the front door behind you. Repeating the phrase over and over gave you confidence to continue forwards, determination in your eyes. You'd be damned if Bertolt thinks he could scare you out of your own home, you'd rather go to prison than try to stay at his home for temporary shelter.

You lost your appetite to prepare a simple dinner, now knowing that you'd prefer not to try cooking something when you've just arrived in fear for your life. However, you carefully made your way towards the kitchen, grabbing a knife out of the wooden block. The sound of the metal sliding out of its sheath may have been the loudest thing you've been currently hearing. You gripped onto the handle tightly, turning towards the stairs.

You knew you weren't alone here, the house may settle now and then, but this felt different. This was different. No matter what your brain was telling you, your gut was telling you otherwise.

Crrreeeaaakkkk...

You froze, feeling suddenly out of breath as you stared at the ceiling with wide eyes. The sound came from your room, there was no doubt about it. A memory of Bertolt trying to secretly make breakfast for you flashed into view, the sounds of pans clashing below waking you up. You should've questioned how he gotten in the house in the first place during the earlier stages of this thing of his, but you were far too hungry and tired to even notice until now.

In meticulous steps, you made your way to the staircase, trying to make sure you didn't step on the wrong board and alert the intruder of your presence. Hell, he might've already known since you unlocked the door. The hallway never felt longer than it was before as you approached the room, the moonlight shining down on you and the weapon held in your dominant hand. There was more creaking the more you came towards the door, your heart pounding in your chest in the rhythm of a thousand Abnormals sprinting towards their next delectable meal.

The door was slightly ajar, alarms ringing in your head. You never have left the doors in your room open in your life, especially when sleeping and even when you left the premises. Someone is in there and you know who it is. Taking in a deep breath, you leaned in gradually towards the crack in the door, trying to control the trembling in your hands as you peeked through.

The stench of blood first hit your nose, then the sight within nearly made you scream in horror. Bertolt was in your room, sitting on the middle edge of your bed, all bloodied from head-to-toe what you were able to tell from the street's lamps dully illuminating the surrounding room. Though that was stomach-churning in itself, the action he was performing on your bed made everything even more heinously depraved.

The bastard was fucking his fist with your panties wrapped around his cock, his pelvis erratically jutting into the tight hold he put around it. His lips were slightly parted, almost barely audible groans slipping out with every stroke. Even worse, you could hear just the cusp of your name with it, your own face growing warm.

You had to report this to General Magath, now. Burn your bed and used underwear once you got the chance to second on the list. Reiner failed, maybe even never went up to him, and now you had to take the drastic way out of this. He finally took things way too far; if not your underwear, it might’ve been you.

You took a step backwards, immediately paling as the floorboard behind you squeaked loudly under the weight. The movement from within your room paused abruptly, anxiety and dread crawling up your veins with every passing moment. The sound of the bed springs being relieved of any weight on them immediately alerted you that you needed to start running or hide until he leaves. It was too late, the door opening with a grinding, crackling noise.

"Welcome home, Y/N."

Bertolt lunged at you, instincts kicking in as you swung the knife, aiming for his throat. You knew it wouldn’t kill him, you’ve seen Mikasa do it years ago and he healed without any trace of the injury left, but it would give you enough time to get to Magath’s residence. At least, that’s what you tried to do, but he moved last minute, the blade only digging into the side of his face towards his mouth.

He was stunned by it at first, a nauseating feeling permeating within your stomach as you watched the skin and muscle separate as he opened his mouth, blood streaming down his jawline in thick streams. Then he started chuckling, pressing his hand against the wound roughly and almost pulling it apart. This was no time to stay shocked however. You took this final opportunity to run, carefully trying not to cut yourself as you made your way down the stairs.

"Y/N!!!" Oh god, oh god, oh god. You reached the entrance, turning the lock and pulling it open, the cold air of the night blasting in your face. Freedom was right there in your grasp — just right there — before a thickly drenched hand from behind grabbed ahold of you from the mouth and pulled you back inside.

You couldn’t scream as his bloodied palm held firmly down onto your mouth, tears streaming down your face as he lodged himself right between your legs. He was crazed, his pupils dilated with excitement as he stared down at your quivering form. You could the hardness straining against your uniform pants, a sob stuck in your throat. The inflicted wound on his face was obviously starting to heal, steam coming off of it.

"Good try, too bad you aren’t strong enough to even try to finish the job." He took the knife out of your hold, his blood still staining the edges. Bertolt neared it towards your throat, your body fighting back as it approached closer and closer.

"Hey, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep moving like that." He scolded, as if he wasn’t the one with the weapon, the cold blade right against your jugular. You froze on cue, taking in sharp breaths with your nose to try and not to panic even more.

"You weren’t meant to see me uh—" His face flushed pink, scratching his uninjured cheek with his pointer bashfully. This bitch was acting like he didn’t just break in your home, committed a perverse act on your bed, and about cut your throat open. Bertolt slightly adjusted himself, rubbing his still-hard cock against you. "But it was pretty exciting, how long were you watching? Did you get excited?"

You wanted to shake your head, only flinching as you felt him unbuckle the belt, nimble fingers unbuttoning and zipping down your pants. You had no choice but to feel him slip his dirtied hand into your underwear, his fingertips pressing against your hole. A proud smile grew on his face, a vast contrast to your horrified expression as the two of you made the same realization. You’re wet.

Bertolt pulled the knife away from your neck, short relief coming out of you in waves, but he didn’t drop it or throw it aside. No. He used it to tear your uniform shirt open, a muffled yelp escaping you as the cool air made contact with your bare skin.

"We’re going to have some fun together, okay?" You felt like throwing up in his hand, hoping that you’d asphyxiate from it. Your heart stopped as you realized that he was nearing the tip of the blade on your lower stomach, right below your belly button.

"Right after I carve my name into you."

[boredclarinet]

GUYS GUYS IM GONNA DO TMA SONG ASSIGNMENTS AGAIN AND THIS TIME I WILL NOT RUIN MY MOOD CAUSE WE’RE DOING NOAHFINNCE (i discovered colors)

also i realize there ARE spoilers… so. spoiler warning.

EPs & SINGLES

Asthma Attack - i wanna say Danny Stoker and I don’t know why (i do but im shit at articulation. im like one of those lego characters that were marketted towrds girls and whatever i have no clue where i was going with this)

Underachiever - jon.

STUPID - S5 Jon

STUFF FROM MY BRAIN

LIFES A BIT - Tim Stoker ily. or jon ig but i like tim more.

(already did STUPID)

PITY - Melanie

MIND BLANK NO THOUGHTS - this is just the archives.

KICKIN TRASH - Gerryyyyyyyy

WEIRDOS - Okay hear me out: Jon and Daisy. not shipping. but like, in s4. their besties. monster besties. i love them.

MY BRAIN AFTER THERAPY

WORMS (In My Brain) - this is specifically for @wormpiratesblog. this is our queen worm mommy jane prentiss .

I JUST WONT CARE - Martin blackwood. like s3/s4/s5 when he just straight up gave up you know? mainly s4.

BETTER DAYS - the archives my beloved. esp like Tim when he had hope or whatever. did he ever have hope? i dunno. but before sasha died ya know? or melanie. tim and melanie ily. oh ans martin. martin fits too.

CHASING DAYLIGHT - time sasha. this is my curse.

TELL ME THAT YOUR OKAY - BASIRA AND DAISYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I LOVE MY COODEPENDENT COPS!!!! THIS IS MY FAVORITE COP SHOW!!!!

AFTER THERAPY - hear me out( again) - people giving jon statement and just having an even worse time afterwards. you get my vision? yeaaahhhh you get it.

LALALA - i just am thinking of like, the young hip avatars v the old white men. ya know?

No Point Pretending - S4 archives after the circus. theres a vision. im so smart. guys im a genius dont even doubt.

AND NOW FOR THE ALBUM!

GROWING UP ON THE INTERNET (DELUXE)

KINDA LOVE IT - martin the girlboss in S4 in the panopticon. playing peter lukas so slay. ily

3 DAY HEADACHE - S1 archives ily. just follow the loves of my life throughout the series.

I KNOW BETTER - GERRRRYYYYY!!! GERRY I LOVE YOUUUUUUU

SUBTITLES - Martin in the lonely. omgggg nooo dont be lonely i love you.

RISE AND GRIND - literally S1. its jon jusgimg tim for saying stupid shit because he cant take a joke. theres a vision. you may get it. you may not.

ALL THE SAME/NOT THE SAME - tim.

SCUMBAG - Melanie @ Elias. girly hates him and she is so real for that.

LOVELY LADIES - i love this song. its the cult of the lightless flame. or just like, all the avataes. ever. imagine an avatar party. dude that shitnwould go hard. and would probably cut the avatar population in half. theyd just kill eachother.

HEADCASE - listen man i know i keep saying the avatars and i should be more specific but im tired and brain. piss off

SICK OF BEING NICE - tim and melanie :) tim wouldve been a slaughter avatar if he didnt go 💥and i stand by that.

Anyways im tired. sorry if i did it dirty but i feel good. there wasnt as much crying as conan so… a win is a win.

what have we learned? tim and melanie wouldve been besties and loved noah.

[a-writer-in-wonderland]

Pairing: S4! Rafe Cameron x reader

Warning(s): just fluff

Summary: You and Rafe go ice skating for your anniversary

You absolutely loved ice skating. It was just so fun. Rafe didn’t really understand why you loved it so much but didn’t really ask questions about it.

Rafe never went with you, which is why for your anniversary he set up a date where you both went ice skating together. He dropped you off whenever you went but this time when he dropped you off he got out as well.

“Why’re you getting out Rafey?” You asked all confused, hand shielding your eyes from the blaring sun. “Well, darling, for our anniversary I decided to come and ice skate with you. Just you and me” he smiled walking you to the front door.

“Really?” “Yes, really” he smiled.

~

You made your way to the rink, skates in hand. Rafe carried his own skates whilst you both sat down at a bench. It was empty as Rafe said it would be but damn was it quiet. “Uhh baby help me please” he groaned, you had your professional skates whilst he had ones that the skating rink gave to people for a session.

“One minute” you giggled tying the bow on your skate. Once you’d done that you turned to Rafe, going to put them on for him. Once you finally put them on you tied his laces in a pretty bow. “There you go Rafey” you smiled, getting up and walking to the rink.

Right so you may have forgotten about Rafe in that split moment, but when you heard a thud behind you that’s when you realised. “Shit-”. Turning around you say Rafe on the floor. “Rafey, what happened?” you spoke rushing over to him.

You helped him up and walked him over to the rink, trying your best to hold in your laugh. “It’s not funny baby” he spoke sternly. “From my point of view it really is”

When you finally set foot on the ice he immediately reached for the side. “Look what I can do!” You called out to Rafe whilst you sped off, doing a spin in the rink. “Amazing” he clapped.

“Come on, I can teach you, promise” you smiled whilst making your way over to him. You grabbed his hand and told him to follow your lead. He did in fact and after a while he was nailing it. “Yay Rafey! Now do a spin” you encouraged, doing one of your own.

He tried but failed miserably, whilst you giggled at him. You weren’t being mean, no, but it was indeed funny.

“At least I tried” he laughed

~

After a couple hours of teaching Rafe how to nail the spin like you do, he finally did it. You clapped in excitement, going over to him and giving him a kiss on the lips.

“So proud of you Rafey!” “All thanks to you gorgeous” he smiles.

A/n: I’m not a skater so I don’t really know how it works, sorry if it’s not accurate! <3

[violettathepiratequeen]

Okay so I don't make a lot of ranty posts, haha, I think it's exhausting to scream about something, so this is me getting on my soapbox to just say a word in defense of Xander, and if you're gonna be bothered by that, you don't have to read this.

But I just kind of don't understand all the hate surrounding him. Hating the Scoobies as a group I get, kinda, even though that must make rewatches of the show very unpleasant for those who do. But Xander specifically did nothing more egregious or irritating than any other Scooby member (DIFFERENT things, certainly, but they all had their faults) and he gets shit for being the worst just because he's the only male who sticks around long enough to rack up that kind of hate. I think in Spuffy circles it may be just because he hates Spike so much, and a. that is an overprotection of Spike's character that not even I can get behind, and b. I think you're misreading the show if you think Xander hated Spike without reason throughout.

Because he didn't hate Spike throughout. He (begrudgingly) allowed Spike to bunk with him twice, and gave him less than ideal conditions but DID pay for his blood, both times. He was the only one who didn't jump on board the "let's kill Spike" train in S7 and even suggested that Spike might have a trigger forcing him to kill people (he also correctly identified the tracer the Initiative shot him with in S4, stating that they didn't have much time before Riley and his gang found them). The only time he actively tried to kill Spike was when he saw him screwing his ex, and Buffy also was deeply wounded and offended by the Anya/Spike fling, and just reacted differently than Xander. Buffy also allowed Xander's hatred for Spike to go on, never correcting him or telling him that actually yes we ARE sleeping together so could you maybe not insult him so much, and I think he would have backed off, just like he eventually did with both Angel and Riley, if Buffy had been firm about her relationship with him.

And beyond the Spike thing, Xander followed Buffy into every single battle despite having no superpowers, and never once had an episode where he tried to make himself more special.

He went along with Anya's unconventional way of getting them to date, and fell in love with her despite all the forceful and less-than-ideal things about her. (You know what they tell you in those harrassment and safe environment work videos? That explicitly talking about your sexual life in public is a form of sexual abuse, and Xander is clearly uncomfortable every time Anya does, so what is he supposed to do? NOT correct her? He's seriously a saint for letting her say as much stuff as she does.)

He accepted Tara no problem, and Tara described him as a sweetie to Willow at the top of S5. He asked Buffy exactly once to go out with him, and when she said no he was hurt, and his feelings didn't disappear right away (nor should they have! Feelings don't quit just because it's never gonna happen!) but he never pursued her again, even when a love spell enticed her to come on to him.

He loved and cared for Dawn like a sister, he stayed loyal to Willow after her trying to end the world, he was the only Scooby that wasn't scattered to the winds at the start of S7, he rebuilt the Summers house again and again, he put in so much time in high school and after helping with research even though books and studying were like his least favorite hobbies, and he always, ALWAYS worked with whomever he needed to to accomplish the greater good, no matter who it was or why he was asked to do so.

Spike's "You're the one, Buffy" speech is my favorite moment in the whole show but I think it overshadows the fact that Xander had his own "here's why Buffy's amazing" speech to all the doubting Potentials just two episodes prior. His arcs were subtle and not as extreme as some of the others', but they were there all the same, and he started and ended a good person with a good heart and a fierce sense of love and loyalty.

I remember watching "Welcome to the Hellmouth" for the first time, and Jesse was actually more triggering to me than anything. He mocked his friends and got in Cordelia's face and was the kind of boy I'm used to seeing in these kinds of shows. Insensitive and rude and emotionless. And Xander, by comparison, was sweet to the new girl he had a crush on, was defensive of Willow, and jumped on board the supernatural train with very little freakout. He showed his love and bravery and sensitivity straight away, and of course as a sixteen year old boy he couldn't be a model child ALL the time, but I remember being blown away in those first few episodes by how Xander was not the typical self-involved one-track-mind teen that was so often portrayed in media. And Jesse was.

I get that some characters just get on your nerves for no reason, and I have plenty of hate characters of my own, as do we all! And as I said before I know Xander's got plenty of faults, plenty of annoying qualities and plenty of dumb lines, and I remember my first run of S6, he and I did not get along at ALL (but I was also on the outs with everyone who brought Buffy back and then expected her to be normal, so it wasn't just him).

But I think he gets so much universal, unjustified hate throughout all the seasons, and that's not a fair interpretation of his character. It hurts me every time I see it, so I just wanted to add a counterpoint to the opinions out there.

[epicsteddieficrecs]

Epic Steddie Fic Rec | May 8th-May28th 2023

So just like I got infected by the Steddie brainrot last fall, I've now fallen deep into the gay firefighters show and the last 10 pages of my ao3 is full of Buddie fics 😆 so most of these fics were read in the first two weeks of this rec...

Complete

one of the good things by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (Nobody Dies AU | < 1K | General): Eddie is staring at him. He sets the guitar aside, leaning forward and peering at Steve like he’s doing something particularly fascinating. “You’re angry.” Steve shakes his head reflexively, feels a prickle of defensiveness. He keeps his voice as even as he can when he says, “No, I’m not.” “Oh, you are,” Eddie says softly. Something must show on Steve’s face because he amends, “Like, not… Don’t worry. Not a loud anger.”

proof we’re here by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (<1K | General): “I used to wonder about this place,” Robin tells Eddie as they lounge on the couch, looking up at Steve’s pristine ceiling, not a cobweb in sight. “Huh?” Robin smirks knowingly. “Come on, you must have wondered, too.” She puts on a hushed voice of mock reverence. “The King of Hawkins High roaming these hallowed halls… if walls could speak…”

you're so fine, you blow my mind by griesly (PWP, Crossdressing | 4K | Explicit): Eddie walks in on a very private moment, with unexpected (and thoroughly enjoyable) consequences.

buzzer-beater history by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (S4 Missing Scene | 1,7K | General): When Lucas Sinclair starts to apologise for missing The Cult of Vecna, Eddie initially thinks that he’s hearing things. “Jesus, Sinclair. I’ve got an ongoing list of folks who owe me an apology since, like, sixth grade, and trust me, your name’s not on there. Can pretty confidently say it never will, okay?” Eddie sees Steve tilt his head ever so slightly from where he’s walking just ahead of them, like he’s listening in. Spots his faint nod of approval. Eddie can’t decide if he resents it or finds it endearing—kind of gets the ridiculous feeling that Steve’s vetting him on behalf of the kids.

halving the compass by griesly (No Upside Down AU, Fake Relationship | 8K | Explicit): Forced to attend his father's elitist black tie gala, Steve Harrington asks along the one person sure to throw a wrench in the works - Eddie Munson. It's only for show, of course. It's not a real date. ...or is it?

Say Xanathar by pinkcash (PWP | 8K | Explicit): Eddie comes to sell Steve weed and leaves with a lot more information about him than he had originally. Like, for instance, he’s not nearly as straight as he thinks he is

Steve the Reluctant by rachtay13/ @rachtay13 (Post-S4 | 46K | Explicit): Robin raised her brows.  “You know what, Harrington?” She nodded her head. “Yeah, you know what? I dare you to make a friend. I dare you.”

Dream Boy by indelicate/ @steddielations (Post-S4 | 8K | Teen): Or, Steve goes to see Eddie’s band play and finally finds what he’s been looking for.

Melt Me On Your Tongue by indelicate/ @steddielations (PWP, BDSM | 6K | Explicit): “This okay?” “Yeah it’s— shit, it’s more than okay, Steve.” “… you’re crying, Eds.” Eddie can’t hold back a choked off noise then, somewhere between an overwhelmed laugh and a sob. “No one’s ever done this to me before.” He doesn’t know if he means no one’s ever given him a bath, or braided his hair, or just any of the things Steve does for him, really. Eddie's never had a Steve before.

I Wish I Knew You Wanted Me by indelicate/ @steddielations (Getting Together | 1,9K | Teen): Or, Steve finds out why Eddie likes wearing his clothes so much.

three whistles in the dark by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (S4 | < 1K | General): “Why are you whistling?” Eddie asks after he’s heard Steve do it for the fourth time. “Huh?” Eddie imitates him; it’s not like Steve is just casually following a tune in his head—it sounds deliberate. Encouraging whistles, one right after the other, in groups of three. Like a… like a call to something.

i’m down on my knees (i wanna take you there) by twelvexclara (Pre-S4 | 4K | Explicit): Steve really needs to pass his English class. So who better than to visit the resident genius/freak, Eddie Munson?

The Intuition of Claudia Henderson by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (Post-S4, Claudia POV | 1,8K | General): Claudia opens the door quietly. It’s not Max who’s in the bed. And there, lying so peacefully against Eddie Munson’s shoulder, is Dustin. He’s fast asleep. Eddie’s got an arm around him, and he’s slowly running his fingers through Dustin’s hair the way she used to when he was little, to help him drift off. He looks up from his book at the sound of her entering the room, and his face goes as white as the bedsheets.

🖤 i've been having a horrible time pulling myself together by deadratz (Post-S4 Fix-it | Friends With Benefits | 74K | Explicit): The last thing Eddie thinks as he draws his final breath is that Henderson is gonna need a shit ton of therapy. But then, Eddie wakes up, gasping for air, and miraculously, he's being rescued. Now he has to figure out how to live.

WIP

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 32/? | 167K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

Bandaids for the Heart by LexiRoseWrites/ @lexirosewrites (Modern AU, A/B/O, Nurse Steve | 1/16 | 5K | Explicit): Steve has been a pediatric nurse for long enough to know that Eddie and his daughter shouldn’t be seeing him in the emergency room this often. Ellie Munson can only shove so many marbles up her nose and eat so many crayons before he starts to think the five year old might have an ulterior motive.

🖤 Trouble Looks Good On You by indelicate/ @steddielations (Post S4 | 3/5 | 35K | Explicit): It happens like a fever dream. The first time Steve gives Eddie a swift smack on the ass, it’s obviously just an old jock habit that’s stuck with him. It wasn’t meant to have Eddie’s knees going weak, or turn his blood hot under his skin, or give him a brand in the shape of Steve Harrington’s hand, or— Nope, because Eddie’s not even into that. But then, it happens again. Or, Steve keeps accidentally awakening Eddie’s new kinks.

Until We Fall by indelicate/ @steddielations (Fake Relationship | 3/6 | 19K | Teen): “Hate to break it to you, Buckley, but you can’t set Steve up on a date ‘cause he’s already got plans… with me.” Or, it starts with a drunken night and a plan that Steve can’t remember making, but Eddie sure does.

🖤 Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 8/10 | 30K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

🖤 Steve Harrington’s Radical Fun Time Babysitting Service by Humanities_Handbag / @humanityinahandbag, Invader_Sam (No Upside Down AU, 90’s | 26/? | 100K | Mature): Alternatively: Steve accidentally starts a babysitting service, falls in love, panics [in bisexual], and gets himself a boyfriend. (Part 1 of 90’s Music Store AU)

the weight of us by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (Dustin-centric, Post-S4 | 2/3 | 8K | Teen): It’s only once everything is okay that Dustin starts thinking there’s something deeply wrong with him.

[chitoseyo]

Me: it would be so hot if shouhei wrapped his big heavy chains around his knuckles to beat the shit out of somebody omg… i should make a barebones little fic just so I can write this scene with some paper thin plot

Me still mapping out that silly little fic a couple months later: and what if it explores the socioeconomic implications of japan being able to bounce back immediately after the war and dominate global economics and how that would impact America and how the Cold War would play out differently based on America being in a more desperate place and the way the world would change if the axis powers came out of the war mostly scot-free thanks to the slate? what if it did more with the cheeky little suggestions the show made to unit 731? and what if it played more with how the cia or nkvd would react to weissman’s experiements with the slate? and what if it leaned further into S4 being a corrupt organization that violates the human rights of defendants in their custody as opposed to just using that as a throw-away joke every once in a while, while shying away from actually making them morally complicated? and what if homra maintained that same brutal seedy gang vibe that they gave off in that one scene where yata burns that guy’s forehead with his own gun instead of writing them as friendly neighborhood watchmen bishonen softies? and what if it explored the way america’s crass cultural influence still seeped into Japan and how that would ruffle up or titillate the collectivist nationalistic countrymen and we looked into how these characters would react to cultural osmosis bringing America’s festivities like Halloween mischief night or big boisterous calendar new year parties into the more cosmopolitan Tokyo? and what if homra were written more clearly as the heroes of the story or at least were made more sympathetic if each of the gang members were outcasted by society for being unable to (or bravely refusing to) follow oppressive societal norms or expectations? and what if kagutsu was maybe a radical protester who had some motivations that made sense and part of mikoto’s descent into despair and cynicism was based on him starting to empathize with his predecessor and he was afraid to acknowledge that he thought kagutsu made some points so he just shut down emotionally to avoid thinking about it? and what if it showed a little more of the writers’ declaration that maybe totsuka was not a great person? and what if it explored how civilians are propagandized into rooting for S4 or believing it to be a noble organization? and what if it dove into the headspace of the servicemen who may feel disillusionment or doubts but have to conform out of fear or out of genuine belief that it is what’s best for the country? and what if characters like aya or saya or the shopkeeper or the unnamed girl from shohei’s intro chapter were fleshed out characters with human emotions and personalities instead of existing to just be plot devices? and what if I accidentally made Pinterest boards and rebooted character profiles and intricate timeline outlines for this whole story

[thestobingirlie]

interesting thoughts about steve re: the triangle and being the boy that helps nancy relax. i agree completely.

for me, as someone who was very much into stoncy and now leans more stancy (they are so cute holy shit), i have always been fascinated with the similarities and differences between steve and jonathan.

it is so clear to me, that jonathan could never truly take care of her in the way she needs, not on his own. not as a husband (in the future). nancy is very much the caretaker in that relationship, and natalia said so herself. i do love jonathan, and he is a strong caretaker for will and joyce obviously, but when it comes to nancy—he is unfortunately a burden to her in a way that steve will never ever be *or* even let himself be. jonathan has so much emotional baggage. its heartbreaking of course but its baggage that he makes no effort to tame or heal (besides smoking i guess), and i would argue he is absolutely selfish for fostering a committed relationship with nancy and expecting her to deal with that on top of her own issues. (i do get though that teenagers are selfish naturally.) but he knows he isn’t ready to support a girlfriend, he knows that. he also has to know how much heartbreak the inevitable end of his relationship will cost her, especially since she began her relationship with him in what was arguably the most depressed point in her life in the second season. jonathan, god bless him, is self-pitying but not proactive (see: following around your girlfriend with your tail between your legs like a wet sad dog wordlessly begging its owner for food) (but hes my wet sad dog). he is her perpetually passive accomplice and while that may be appealing to nancy when she’s in tunnel vision mode, even she is shown to be resentful of his inability to step up for her. he is malewife in the absolute worse way (i promise i love you jonathan).

then let’s think about nancy’s other dumbass malewife. steve is absolutely her caretaker, and let’s be real that is what she needs, whether or not she knows it (she does deep down). i dont mean that in a “nancy can’t take care of herself” way but in a “he wants her to have fun” way! he’s got to have a ton of shit haunting his dreams at night but like ken in barbie (lmao), does not let her see his pain. he is so selfless, always making sure he can be a light presence for her, a calm easy presence. jonathan doesn’t do that. jonathan doesn’t know how to take control of a “nancy wheeler is so deep into this truth journey she might get herself killed” situation—i see the (bad) “feminist” take often that steve holds her back and jonathan supports her but that is such watered down feminism. nancy is a badass but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t put herself into danger (she does.) and jonathan isn’t a feminist hero for supporting her dangerous endeavors (though ofc most of her endeavors save everyone’s ass).

any way: essay complete. i just really am falling deeper and deeper in love with stancy because i realize that nancy, as my favorite character, needs taking care of! like noooo one takes good care of her! let her bejeweled (taylor swift ref lmfao)!

i think what it comes down to for me, is that jonathan’s priority will always be will, and nancy deserves someone who will prioritise her.

jonathan’s gone through a lot of abuse, he’s been majorly parentified. he doesn’t put his own happiness first, and i think as a result, he doesn’t put nancy’s first. he thinks they’ll both be miserable and hate each other and their kids in the future, but he’s still with her. because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”. and i really, really don’t see him working through that anytime soon. especially not if he’s still in a relationship with nancy.

but steve. he makes her laugh! even in terrible times. we see this calming and happy effect that he has on her in s4. he tries. even if it wasn’t enough when nancy was deep in her grief. he was trying.

like you said, nancy deserves to be swept off her feet and romanced. for someone to want to take care of her. for someone to want a future together, instead of resent one.

i think it’s insane to say it’s anti-feminist to ever question a woman lmao. steve wants nancy to be safe, that means he doesn’t always like her plans. her plans often put herself and others in danger because she gets all in her head. i think she needs someone to stand up, and lay out what might be wrong with the plan. to go toe to toe with her.

(and the irony of people criticising steve for not immediately liking nancy’s plan in s4 when that plan did not work lmao. two people died. and neither of them was vecna.)

obviously all three of them are imperfect. they’re teenagers! they’ll fuck up and do harsh things. but what matters is that they care about each other. steve cares about nancy, so he laid out his feelings, and stepped back. jonathan cares about nancy, and he kept secrets, didn’t explain to her what he was feeling, and allowed this… resentment almost, to fester. he’s an avoider! it doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person, but it does mean he shouldn’t be in a relationship.

[goncharov-propaganda-factory]

Mishapocalypse: what the-

Hey, former redditors! Welcome to the hellsite, we're all glad that you're here (especially you 196 folk you warm my dead, frozen heart). While on the whole you seem to be adapting AMAZINGLY fast to site culture, if any of you are confused over one of our founding myths this may help.

(or if you're a veteran tumblrina and just want to read an essay that's fine too)

(others key parts of our national identity to learn about if you're curious include Goncharov, I Love You, Color of the Sky, My Three Girlfriends, and many more)

also if you don't want to read my entire fucking essay take this and run

but if you want to know the deal with this man, read on!

Mishorigins

Supernatural is a 2000s-ass TV series that ran on the CW from 2005 to 2020. It's about two brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester, who are "hunters" that protect people from various supernatural entities. The show was originally planned to last five seasons, with an angel character named Castiel (this is important) slated to be revealed as God in the finale. Castiel (nicknamed Cass by the CW and Cas by objectively correct people) was introduced in S4.

left: Castiel, the gay angel of our collective dreams. right: Misha Collins.

The Man Behind the Mish

Misha Collins is a straight man who was forced by a cruel and uncaring god to play a heavily queer coded angel on a TV series intended for any demographic BUT gay teens (which is what it became). His performance as Castiel, and the large queer teen fanbase he drew, were a driving force behind a show would ultimately continue for three times longer its original plan.

I don't have anywhere else to put these facts so they go here

he was an intern in the Clinton administration during the Lewinsky scandal

he knows Tibetan throat singing

he was arrested for climbing onto a bank roof (he was trying to... read a book? 👀👀👀)

he probably made Jensen Ackles (the guy who played Dean less homophobic? Maybe?

he held a scavenger hunt called GISHWHES several times for his charity, Random Acts

cool guy

he later played Harvey Dent on Gotham Knights this very year (2023)

there's icebergs of this shit

he farted on an airplane once

Mishion: Impossible

April 1st, 2013 is a date that will live in mishinfamy. Tumblr a main hub of the SuperWhoLock fandom (a mega-fandom amalgamating Supernatural, Sherlock BBC, and Doctor Who), was the only place the Mishapocalypse could happen.

For boring deets I'll redirect you to the KnowYourMeme page but these images should sum it up.

left: a list of Tumblr users, circa 2013. right: a fine example of Misha culture

There are two takeaways here:

You cannot outrun Misha.

You will become him.

On April 1, 2013, a significant portion of Tumblr changed their avatar to the now-iconic Mishapocalypse photo and their handle to "Misha Collins", followed by similar waves of Mish across other social media sites.

above: the modern Prometheus

This beautiful event was emblematic of pre-Dashcon Tumblr, an era as far away from us now as 1200 AD was from 1208 AD. You'll be pleased to know that the Mishapocalypse returns every April 1st to grace these ancient halls, a small group of pilgrims tracing new paths on the well-worn floor of the Church of Misha.

(this isn't to say the Supernatural fandom is dead, it's just somewhat diminished from it's glory days.

Thanks for reading! Reblog if you liked. I'll leave you with a bunch of Mishimages of my own that I posted for Mishapocalypse 23 (the 10th anniversary). Shameless self-promotion!!!

in clockwise order:

The Mona Misha

Mishius

Misha's extra hour in the ball pit

The Mishian (with Mish Damon)

Future ideas include Salvator Misha. Feel free to ask any questions you have, and I hope you enjoy Tumblr.

Happy Mishing!

ps I have not actually watched supernatural you just learn all of this via osmosis

[vanderwoodlings]

fire escape: a dan&vanessa playlist (x)

Tracklist and commentary under the cut:

1. “We’re Going to Be Friends,” The White Stripes. Here we are, no one else/We walk to school all by ourselves is definitely the specific line that made this one for them as little kids need to be here—there’s a very specific way that Dan and Vanessa’s friendship involves (but quietly and unacknowledged) their family bullshit

2. “Kids In The Dark,” All Time Low. They left alone, the kids in the dark/To burn out forever or light up a spark

3. “You Get What You Give,” New Radicals. This whole damn world could fall apart/You’ll be okay, follow your heart/You’re in harm’s way, I’m right behind/Now say you’re mine

4. “Little Cellist,” Bears In Trees. Hmmmm yeah I think they’re a little fucked in the head

5. “Walk Backwards,” Maude Latour. We’re still early days, here, little fourteen year olds who haven’t quite had anything go wrong with them yet and so they’re orbiting closer and Dan hasn’t really noticed that Vanessa’s got a crush and neither of them know it’s a bad idea

6. “Bruises,” Reneé Rapp. …but the truth is I bruise easily/And sure I’m down to be the joke/Metaphorically though.

7. “Prodigal,” David Wirsig. In the beginning we were banished/Then we stoked the fires/And scrapped our songs for salvage. The thing is, like, Dan craves acceptance by the cool kids even as he holds up his pretentiousness as a shield and Vanessa is an outsider who wants people to meet her where she is and accept her

8. “Forgive Me Friend,” Smith & Thell feat. Swedish Jam Factory. This kind of tracks us into s1: And I, I promised that we would never change/That you and me would always stay the same/How I let you down

9. “That’s What Friends Are For,” Dionne Warwick, Elton John. Keep smilin’, keep shinin’/Knowin’ you can always count on me for sure/That’s what friends are for/For good times and bad times

10. “Old Friends,” Pinegrove. …Significant amounts of this playlist may be bitchy. Maybe I should have gone out a bit more/When you guys were still in town/I got too caught up in my own shit

11. “Platonic Cuddling,” Breakup Shoes. But significant parts are also sweet! Lovely day to watch the clouds race/Lovely day, nothing I would change

12. “You’re My Best Friend,” Queen. They are. So stupid for repeatedly trying to date. I love them

13. “Give It Up,” I Fight Dragons. The UES is a seductive kind of hell. Give it up for human nature/Give it up now, bit by bit.

14. “Misfit,” High Dive Heart. I know people say that you’re a misfit/But that’s the thing I like about you

15. “Everything I Had,” Sub-Radio. And sometimes you grow apart and you don’t want to admit that things are falling apart and here you are anyway

16. “Youth,” Daughter.

17. “I’ve Been Over It,” Geowulf. Time and time again, my head just wants to find a reason why/I needed another lesson in choosing who to give my heart. Wherein you date the guy

18. “Grow Up and Be Kids,” The Cab. But it’s still gone.

19. “Dial Tones,” AS IT IS. All we ever share are dial tones

20. “Twins,” The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. I didn’t mean to let you down/And now I know everything that’s good is gone

21. “I’m Not Calling You A Liar,” Florence + The Machine. I’m not calling you a liar/Just don’t lie to me

22. “It Ain’t Me, Babe,” Johnny Cash with June Carter Cash. Go away from my window/Leave at your own chosen speed/I’m not the one you want, babe/I’m not the one you need

23. “When We Were Writers,” Indigo Girls. This… might’ve been the first song on here? Idk the sense of artistic nostalgia just worked so very Correctly with their vibe

24. “Sober Up,” AJR feat. Rivers Cuomo. Won’t you help me sober up/Growin’ up, it made me numb/And I wanna feel somethin’ again. And we have arrived in early s4!

25. “Quarrel,” Moses Sumney. I love Moses Summey btw. Everyone should just go check him out. Quoting this as a quarrel so immorally implies/We’re equal opponents and we both antagonize

26. “i hope ur miserable until ur dead,” Nessa Barrett. She can be a little evil. As a treat. I hope you be yourself and lose your friends/I hope they call you out for shit you said/I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead

27. “Somebody That I Used To Know,” Gotye, Kimbra. But then she gets completely written off the show so… ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

28. “Please Leave A Light On When You Go,” fun. How do you fix something/That you can’t touch without hurting?/The lesson you’ve learned is leaving you dumb/Please leave a light on when it’s done

29. “Call Off Your Ghost,” Dessa. We’ve lived too close for too long

30. “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead,” Stars. I put this one one the Vanessa playlist, thinking about her and Dan, and I knew I was going to end with it the moment I started this one—it’s kind of both the best and most tragic ending for them, to me, saying ‘I’m not that person anymore’

[princess-of-the-corner]

Questions for Princess Bee au, since you said you were following but soft rewriting events in S4 and S5, if these are things that you've thought of:

How does Lila's whole 'three mom scam + lair in the catacombs' thing work? Are you ignoring it bc of how nonsensical it is? Bc like, the only way I personally can think to make that plot work at all, au or cannon, is by using that 'Lila has been a Senti the whole time who was made a long time ago with the purpose of stirring up shit and antagonizing Miraculous users and that how she's pulling everything off' idea that someone brought up a while ago.

Is the Derision prank being ignored or rewritten? I know you hate it and the episode, and Chloe being Heather Chandler levels of cruel and feared pre-Origins is not gonna be a thing in this, but the prank itself doesn't seem much worse than some of the stuff Chloe did in S1, at least to me, so im curious what you're gonna do with that

((is Kim still gonna be dumber than two turnips in a rain barrel?))

What happened with Gabriel? Are you keeping him going full bastard post-Miracle Queen, or going to go the HC route with him? If you're settled on the Wish being used by Adrienette to stop him, I'm assuming he soundly lost, no statue or being remembered as a hero for him. Is he in jail?

((Also, is Natalie just dead if Gabriel didn't get the Wish?))

If you're keeping Feligami but making it a bit healthier, are you working with them and Adrien being Sentimonsters, or is that being thrown out?

Okay so! Lotta things!

Lila may be put on a slight backburner for now. I will scrap the three moms plot, because that's just??? How the fuck does she pull that off?? As far as Canon, she was still a teen who was going down a dark path and in this AU she unfortunately didn't get help and has continued said dark path. How much she's done in the meantime is up in the air, but having her still as a con artist is probably on the table. That said, I need to hammer out her motivations and what she plans to do should she get the Miraculous because like. As petty as she is I'm not going to say she's still miffed about Marinette calling her on her shit.

Derision is.... kinda both? I have a rewrite for this anyway but short version: yes Chloé was a bully and pulled pranks. This was another prank. No, not everyone was scared of her it's still the Origins-level and the prank wasn't quite as cruel because no feelings were involved(also maybe fake spiders instead of real ones). I'm saving Kim's character by 1.) having him semi-unaware of the prank? LIke Chloé tells him they're pulling a prank and he's on board but he doesn't know what's in the box and also 2.) afterward he's like 'yeah no that one was mean' instead of 'it's just a prank bro!'. Mari was hurt by it but not Super Extremely Traumatized™, and it has nothing to do with her stalking Adrien(that was just her being a bit lovesick and she addresses it in a much healthier way another time)

Gabriel is.... a bit up in the air. I am going with his Season 4-5 self so I'm not redeeming him. I can't /quite/ figure out a way he'd win that would have Mari and Adrien resort to using the Wish to stop him without having him use the Wish first and they reverse it. So either they reverse his Wish, or Gabriel's Wish in the first place included blocking all of the other Miraculous Users from being able to use the Miraculous so they can't undo his Wish. I'll debate on what to do with this one, and we also debate on Emilie and Nathalie's fates. If they reverse the Wish then Gabriel's probably alive but in jail and the Team would spend time finding how to fix Emilie and Nathalie(probably gonna be nice and fix them). If it's just Gabe gets the Wish and blocks them from fixing it, then he's dead but Nathalie and Emilie are fixed. Sill have to debate on /how/ he manages to get the Wish because I don't want Marinette to be a fucking moron but ya know.

I am working with the Sentikids plot! But I'm adjusting a few things!!

1.) Adrien, Felix and Kagami are Special and the other Sentis aren't Sapient Beings, so there's no moral issue over how many Mari killed or Felix making tool ones like Red Moon and OUAT. With this also comes the option to free them from their Amok's control.

2.) I'm having Tomoe be a lot better. She loves Kagami, though she did have her business deals with Gabriel. She's not as much a part of the supervillain thing past 'Gabriel has the Peacock and he can snap my daughter out of existence so I will do what he asks'. She's far from perfect, but her hands are tied for a while. And even when Felix gets the Peacock, not only is she unsure of if Felix is a threat to Kagami or not, but she's also in too deep and if Gabriel goes down so does she

3.) I'm bringing Felix's whole thing down a LOT of notches. He doesn't hate all of Humanity, he just hates the few in specific who treat him and the others like tools. So in Emotion, he only kills Gabriel and Tomoe, knowing Gabriel is like Colt and assuming Tomoe is as well when he finds out Kagami is a Senti. He does realize he's wrong later when he's eavesdropping and trying to find ways to get Kagami out of her situation and sees that her mother loves her. Their romance is also more slowburn instead of immediately hooking up.

Also an overall change: Adrien knows about what's going on and we have a proper reveal goddamn it!!

[eric-the-bmo]

The Neighborhood Watch s4 ep5: Unhappy Campers

[Summary: The Main Cast fights against Douglas Baxter's mercenaries only to find themselves in a corner.] @kentuckycaverats @gr3y-plays-ttrpgs _______

With their plan all laid out, Markus stays at Emmet's house with Jimmy Jr/Entity X as the rest of the Main Cast heads over to The Circle to get some more supplies- hopefully weapons. Louis figures it's not the best idea to drive into town with the car he had stolen earlier, so we take Emmet's car. It's a bit cramped, so Song and John have to share a seat; John is angling his head the furthest away from Song's neck as possible.

At the Circle, Max greets us and asks how our quest is going. We tell him we need to get some supplies, but Max doesn't sell weapons. However, as a fourth-dimensional being, he says he's got memories of us picking up some items eventually, if we'd like to view those.

["I think I left a note for myself in the future, sometime..."]

Louis is getting a migraine from trying to wrap his head around that sentence. John is just really confused. As we follow Max down the aisles, he asks us what our plan is; we fill him in on it, and he tells us a bit more about Baxter, admitting that he and his wife may have pushed Baxter a bit too much regarding his curiosity in the supernatural.

Along the way as Max tells us all this he hands a Kevlar vest to John. John is worried why the others don't get vests, and Max replies it was the only one they had requested in the future. He also gives us some darts, a bottle of strong citrus perfume, and two d6s. The trio is pretty confused, to say the least, but grab some soda for Markus and head to checkout nonetheless (since we don't have any viable cash on us at the moment, it's simply an IOU). Max hopes our plan works out and that as little people get hurt as possible; his wife shows up briefly to wish us goodbye and good luck <3

The trio heads back to Emmet's house, where Markus has been watching Emmet work and making sure Jimmy Jr/Entity X is okay (X is uncertain about the part of the plan where they send him home). The trio fills Markus in on the whole "we got some weird items" thing, and we discover Markus' bugs really enjoy the citrus perfume.

[Louis, about the Kevlar vest: "-But [Max] said that's the one that we asked for? And I'm assuming, based on who [John] is as a person, that that's the one we need." Meanwhile, John silently wonders if the vest means he might get shot later.] Markus wonders about the dice and John jokes that they're for a game of Yahtzee. Markus covers the darts in poison.

At this point Emmet's finished making the EMPs for the Main Cast, so he and the Cast start to get in their separate cars to head over to the summer camp where we plan to fight Douglas- but as we get into the cars, a helicopter roars past us towards the camp. Shit. That helicopter belongs to Douglas. Song casts up some mental shields for everyone but Markus and X, and the Cast heads out. As they drive to the summer camp on the edge of the lake, John realizes this is road where he was hit by Shelby's car. (Ah, memories.. /lh)

We eventually reach the Big Dipper campsite, which has a really cool bear statue. The helicopter is circling above like a vulture trying to find a spot to land. The 'copter is too far for an EMP, so Louis aims his gun and fires perfectly- the helicopter's tail gets hit and the whole thing spins into the lake. Jimmy Jr senses that there are people from the helicopter coming towards us, though, so Markus instructs us to go hide.

The first person to show up is a woman who's best described as a knock-off Natasha Romanov- she asks Markus where the rest of the Cast is, and Markus flips her off and bolts into the trees towards the rest of the Main Cast. ["Really?" She says. "You're going to make this harder for us?" "Eat a dick!!"]

The woman sends out the second specialist: a minotaur with a giant axe who starts to track Markus down. Markus uses the strong perfume to throw him off their scent and sends out some bugs to sting him, but the woman jumps in front of the minotaur to take the damage and she seems totally fine?

The third member of the specialist crew shows up trailing behind the minotaur, but states he's unsure if they should do all of this- the Cast all realizes the third member is Bob Patterson, who apparently took this job due to the large payment. He's reminded to take the Cast alive. (As Markus runs, there's a loud noise throughout the trees that scares their bugs. It's almost like a frog?)

Markus makes it towards the spot the Cast is hiding around and ducks into a bush. The woman soon follows. Louis shoots her and rolls for quite a lot of damage- but as the smoke clears we discover that, horribly, she seems invulnerable to any kind of damage. She's kind of annoyed at getting shot at, tbh, and Song finds out even internal damage doesn't do anything to this woman; The blood boiling spell she casts has no effect. (Hiding near a tree, John digs his claws into the bark.) With a good roll, Song figures something is protecting the woman and manages to catch sight of a magical thread leading to... somewhere. Song figures it's best to have John follow it since he's the fastest out of the Main Cast and enchants his eyes so he can see the thread; it's jarring to see so much magic so suddenly, but he bolts off to follow it. [The woman notices. "Oh, and there's the third o- wait where are you going"]

The minotaur starts to hack away at the branches to find the rest of the Main Cast. Song uses her blood boil spell on him, and like a dnd barbarian he uses the pain to fuel his anger and axe-swinging. He's yelling about how "we're not going to keep him from his goals", and how he's "going to find it." Louis pops out of his hiding spot to ask the minotaur what he's looking for. Apparently the guy is looking for Valhalla and his paradise- and something clicks [we all start yelling at our DM]. Louis yells at Song to toss him something, catches it, and holds the pair of dice out to the minotaur. "Pair o' dice. I got 'em right here."

Much to the woman's dismay, the minotaur sits down with Louis for a round of dice. The two make a bet: if Louis wins, the minotaur and woman will leave us alone. If the minotaur wins, he can capture us. (The woman doesn't want to interrupt this gamble lest her coworker gets pissed at her, so she goes to swing at Song- our Witch restrains her by summoning large vines to hold her in place.) Meanwhile, with some wonderful luck of the dice, Louis just barely wins. Our beloved Southern conman holds him to the rules, so the minotaur rips his coworker out of the vines and starts to walk away, carrying her fireman-style. _____

John reaches the edge of the lakeshore and finally sees the end of the magical thread- it's connected to a balloon being held by another mercenary guy, who's trying to hold it up as high as possible? John remembers the darts he was given, figuring this is what they're for.

Meanwhile the woman pushes her minotaur coworker onto his own axe, killing him, and bolts towards John. She panics once she sees him pop the balloon- the man holding it tries to keep the pieces in his hands. The woman yells to not let it touch the ground. John throws another dart to paralyze the man, and the woman screams as the balloon pieces fall. She drops dead on the ground.

Then there's a gunshot behind John. He turns to see Bob Patterson lowering his shotgun from the sky to point it at him. Bob apologizes and says he needs the money and John pleads with him, saying he doesn't need to kill them. Bob shoots him in the chest and knocks John onto the ground with it, and thank fuck John's got that Kevlar vest on. Bob whispers to John to stay down- pretend to be dead. ["This way you can get the jump on Him. This way we can both go home happy, right?"]

It's at this point Song and Louis break through the trees to see this, so assuming the worst Song goes to restrain Bob with magic- but something stops her.

(Meanwhile, Markus is heading towards the rest of the group, but suddenly gets restrained by a humanoid frog monster via its tongue.)

Back to the other three, there's a voice: "You've done well, Bob. I can take it from here."

Douglas Baxter is here. _________

Notes:

The car was so incredibly cramped for my boy. 6ft man scrunched up in a tiny car ;-;

Shoutout to Max's story of kid Douglas and Emmet building their own treehouses but they were right next to each other so they had all sorts of mini wars about it. Hilarious

I was so convinced Song was going to have to break the Fourth Wall??? Because listen, she was given 2d6s, and that's the exact amount and kind of dice that we need to play this game!

During this we all agreed Emmet's autistic

We know what our DM's doing /lh. Theming the campsite/battle zone around bears?? His whole thing is bears! (ursa if ur reading this hiiii ur very cool 🫶)

Half of the players were making jokes about wanting to get with the hot minotaur man

Meanwhile the other half told our ace DM that yeah, sorry, getting restrained with giant vines was kinda hot /hj

As john was going to throw the darts our DM told us the woman was part of an experiment that tied her life force to the balloon and I fully lost it /lh

AT ONE POINT WHILE TALKING TO BOB HE ALMOST NOTICED JOHN'S DEER EYES?? SIR PAY NO MIND TO THAT-

It's so fun how Markus's whole thing is Bugs and here they are meeting their match via a Frog Man

IM GOING TO BITE AND MAIM DOIGLAS BAXTER IM SO READYH TO EAT THIS MAN ON THURSDAY. BAXTER WE MAY BE IN A PICKLE ATM BUT LATER ON I SWEAR WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR ASS-

[atamascolily]

Final Chapter Movie Trailer #2 Analysis

ROCK!!

We open with Azibelpher gloating over Lang Wu Yao cooking in the incubator.

Eldritch demon god sighted, this is not a drill. And is that a city he's wearing for a hat? I do believe it is! (Probably the Demon Court.)

Question: is this the Cthulhu-like horror we saw sleeping in S4, now grown to monstrous size; Lang Wu Yao "reborn" as a giant demon god; or something new? My guess is that it's new, for reasons I lay out below, but TBD.

(Xing Hai was the same size as her original puppet in her augmented form, but that was "incomplete", so who even knows what Lang is going to look like if/when he emerges from the cocoon...Is it gonna be his Awakened form we saw briefly in S4 or something new, or both?)

The Demon King gloats as the new Xian Zhen fortress starts collapsing. He does the exact same gestures as Lin Xue Ya, but with more glitter eyeshadow.

Xi You soldiers line up in front of Xian Zhen fortress facing outward as if to defend. Locust blathers something vague and portentous about scales. It's clear from later in the trailer that the Xi You soldiers are fighting for humanity, not against, so the framing suggests Locust is forgoing his original alliance. curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal

In the Demon Court, Chao Feng releases 3 glowing balls which transform into ghost versions of Wan Jun Po, Xie Ying Luo, and Yi Piao Miao. Are they facsimiles of the originals or their actual souls? Either way, the fact that Chao Feng is magically outsourcing her fighting to her daddy's deceased subordinates is hilarious.

Mu Tian Ming's spidey-senses are tingling, telling her shit's about to go down.

I wondered how the demons were going to climb up the cliff, and it turns out the answer is "wake up the demon god beneath the ground and ride it like an elevator up to the top, then open the gate and attack".

This also answers the question of how Shang et. al are going to return from the Demon Realm--they're going to just leap out, the same way the demons did.

Also this means that Lin Xue Ya is probably going to snag control over the demon god/city at some point, based on that one shot in the previous trailer of him lounging on a throne. I wonder if the Demon King tied it to his control, and Lin can access it because they were originally same person? Or is Lin clever enough to hijack it on his own even without that?

All of humanity--Xi You, Dong Li, and Hu Yin Shin--have united to defend against the demon hordes.

The battle outside is intercut with Shang using the thunder axe to fight some demon mooks in the Demon Court. Probably trying to fight his way to Lang.

Also in the Demon Court, Azibelpher uses demonic magic to summon swords to pummel Lie Mo Xian with.

Shang with the lotus macguffin sword, about to kick ass.

In the Demon Court, Lin Xue Ya descends gracefully from the heavens to confront his double while being his usual self.

YES, GIVE IT TO ME, YES, YES, YESSSSSS!!!

Okay, so based on these two trailers, I now have a pretty good idea of how the plot is going to play out, at least in broad strokes:

Chao Feng storms the castle in search of Lang, I think she's going to try and wake him up/enter his dream, uses the ghost Swarm to keep people from following/stopping her.

Shang, Lin, and Lie Mo Xian storm the castle in search of Lang, but they get separated for whatever reasons and end up fighting different opponents.

The Demon king wakes the demon god so his castle can storm the human realm and a united humanity fights an army of mooks.

Locust appears to double-cross the demon king but this may be that he plans to double-cross humanity after the demons are dealt with/seize the Sorcerous Sword Index and/or the Shen Hui Mo Xie in the chaos. (He might also find out from Chao Feng about living weapon Lang Wu Yao and change his mind about the alliance.)

Shang arrives on the scene in time to use the lotus macguffin sword to counter whatever Locust has planned and/or Demon God Lang... meanwhile Lin is getting control of the demons/demon gods via his connections to the demon king, so he can stop them, and these two plot threads will intersect at the climax.

Not pictured: Lang waking up and fighting Azibelpher, potentially transforming into a demon god during or afterwards.

No matter what, I can't wait to see it all play out!!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

WAIT UR THE ‘demitri and eli take a gay little road trip to find miguel’ GUY?? I LOVE THAT FIC OMG

YES HI I'm That Guy!!! That's my fic!!! Thank you for still noticing and reading it!!! <3 <3 <3

TBH it hasn't been getting a lot of comments or interaction lately, so I wasn't sure if people were still following it or really thinking about it much D: I definitely am going to continue and I have pretty solid plans up through about Chapter 13, but I got caught up in good old Adult Things (got a car part stolen and had to speedrun finding a job, and by some insane miracle I landed a good one???) and had to sorta get my life together for a while. I was also pretty bummed and discouraged that the Elimetri fandom kinda fizzed out after S5, and the hype that was there after S3 and S4 seems few and far between these days </3 And when someone DOES show up and get hyped about my boys, it always seems like they get bored after like 2 weeks and vanish into the ether again D: I feel like an immortal roaming the ruins of a once great and thriving civilization akjsalksufhdulrh

BUT ALL THAT TO SAY this is really encouraging <3 <3 Love that people are still invested, and now that my life has stabilized a bit, I may actually get Chapter 7 done ^^; The canon Mexico plotline was the most underwhelming thing I've ever seen in my entire life (and Season 5 as a whole and I just...did not really Vibe for a lot of reasons), and it's frustrating because like!!! Why would you introduce this grand epic quest for Miguel to find his dad and learn about his Dark Past™️ and then have it be over in 5 minutes and reveal nothing interesting whatsoever about Hector!!! Like if the point was to have Johnny prove he could be a good father figure to Miguel after all and to cause conflict between Miguel and Sam, then there were like...ways to do that without yeeting Miguel to another country with no ultimate character development or narrative payoff :/

And they really expect me to believe Miguel and Robby sat in petty stony silence the whole several-hour drive home and didn't even try to talk through ANY of their issues??? Didn't have ANY road trip bonding whatsoever??? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE. LAME.

ANYWAYS. I know a lot of people were against the Mexico subplot from the jump (mainly because of the potential problematic directions the show could go with it I think), but I might have been in the minority in being excited for it and thinking it had a lot of potential to see a world outside the Valley. Potential which it...did not fill at all. Like at least show us what sketch-ass shit Hector actually DOES!!! My god!!! Also not Robby being like "I wanna make things right with Miguel!!!" and then...clearly not doing that. Like considering their apartment brawl later was the first time Robby has shown onscreen remorse for what he did to Miguel, Robby didn't even apologize in the car ride on the way back??? Or speak a single word to Miguel about the whole, like...Paralysis Incident??? For all Miguel knows, Robby was tagging along just for kicks ajhdsukhfuyh

The whole thing is a mess tbh. I blame rushed production for S5. Deadass thank god for the writer's strike??? Maybe with more time for the writers to actually do their jobs, S6 will give its plotlines some room to breathe.

SO YES, long story short, I wanna do this plot thread some justice and also have my OTP be gay as shit the whole time <3 And give Miguel the epically dangerous adventure of self-discovery he deserves while ultimately still showing him he is very loved and does not need his shitty biological dad!!! God bless!!!

Thank you again for sliding into my inbox about this fic, I am always looking for motivation to keep going with it :D

(For anyone who doesn't know, the first 6 chapters of the fic in question are posted on my AO3, SummerPhlox!)

[chirpsythismorning]

Your post about Mike's guilt complex was AMAZING. I can't wait to read what you put out in the future about later seasons.

I just had a thought inspired by that. Do you think part of Mike's anger towards Lucas' desire to join the basketball team to alleviate some of the social ostracism the party faced in school may be a projection of his own shame?

To expand, Mike's own internal discontent with himself is valuing his identity in the party-- a group of 'freaks' and outcasts'-- but Mike knows that by trying to conform to something he is not (hetero), he is causing pain to himself and his loved ones. So clearly Lucas must not be conforming for good reasons either, in his mind. We know Lucas has different motivations for playing BB and genuinely enjoys it, but I think Mike is clouded by his own feelings here and doesn't see that at all.

Yes, but I think he knows it (deep down at least).

The look Mike gives Lucas at the end of the pep-rally, goes from this offended sort of annoyance, but then shifts to something a little more sad, only to go back to a less severe case of annoyed offense. And I think this is because the tables have turned and he's aware of it.

Because isn't it ironic that last summer Mike was going to Lucas for advice about his girl problems, what he looked at as 'growing up', and so that behavior arguably could have continued in s4? Mike's arc in s4 could have easily involved him trying to fit in with one of the more accepted cliques amongst the student body, with him and Lucas at least being closer based on their social circles overlapping.

But that didn't happen.

Instead what we get is a total flip in s4, where instead of Will trying to convince Lucas and Mike to play, it's now Dustin and Mike trying to convince Lucas to play.

Another part of this I can't help but think about, is how leading up to the rain fight in s3, yes Mike was focused on trying to fit into this box of what a boyfriend should be, and so he was compensating a lot to do just that. But in doing so, he got so caught up in the persona, that he didn't realize he was hurting Will in the process. And Lucas too. It's like their mutual attempts at pretending to be these mature dudes with girlfriends fed off of each other, and turned into something a little too mocky and toxic, only for it to backfire and for Will to storm out. And suddenly that's when Mike is saying that they're just 'not in the mood' and it's like.?.. What? Like, just imagine trying to use that as an excuse for bailing on a DND game to Mike in s4... Dude would have gasped in disgust. And so Mike's attempt at trying to be honest with Will in s3, by telling him that the real reason they don't want to play is because they're just 'not in the mood', is a crock of shit, seeing as Mike himself wouldn't have even been willing to take that as an excuse less than a year later.

Honestly, I think in that moment at the pep-rally, Mike was thinking something along the lines how Lucas was ruining the party for being more interested in being popular (aka growing up) than he was in playing d&d anymore (games), which is reflected in their costumes, with Lucas rocking the bball jersey throughout the day followed by sitting with the team at lunch, in contrast to Dustin and Mike sitting at the table with the club in their hellfire shirts. So in thinking that, Mike's instantly being reminded that he's not all that different from Will, and so now he's wondering why he feels the way Will did, only to push it down and put back on his face of annoyance. What this back and forth shift tells me is that Mike is stubborn (not new) and is evidently not willing to face what him switching up in such a short time, and under these specific circumstances (Will and El being gone), could possibly mean.

I do think that Lucas likes basketball. I mean it's not like he's going to hate it in s5 just because of his experience with Jason. It's likely it's going to be a sort of bittersweet thing, where he wants to appreciate the moments he enjoyed, but feels like he can't because it's been spoiled by everything that went down. Maybe he'll even feel like he's sort of betraying the party by wanting to keep playing in some capacity or something.

Which would be kind of stupid tbh, because we all know that a person should be able to have other interests outside of what they specialize in with their core friend group.

I would like for Dustin and/or Mike to have a conversation about the whole thing, like how despite everything that happened they shouldn't have blown off Lucas' game like that. Like he literally made the winning shot. That's something to be proud of. That's the kind of thing you want your close friends to experience with you.

I do think that despite the show's message of going against conformity, there's also an aspect of it that they need to explore, which is that there is a happy medium.

Yes, you should be able to enjoy what you like and how often times that might look like embracing being seen as an outcast/different, but you should also be able to enjoy things that are seen as overrated/cliche/normal without it being the end of the world.

Like, you don't need to be Eddie, insisting that you're against conformity at all levels, to the point where you assume anyone that merely enjoys things that fall in line with being seen as 'normal' means that they're against you or something.

And you also don't need to be so scared of stepping out of the line of normal, to the point where you live an inauthentic life out of fear of not fitting in.

There is a balance.

Dustin and Mike didn't have to get along with the popular crowd if they didn't want to or maybe they could have at least tried at first to see how it went. Or they could have just gone to Lucas' game and cheered him on anyways as his friends. If Lucas wants to have other friends and still hang out with the og party too, then he should be able to.

I feel like a lot of us go through that when we're really young, where it takes time to let go of those expectations and constraints we put on ourselves growing up and we eventually just let all of that go by the end of high school.

And I do think some people find themselves craving one side more than the other because this is usually after years of being stuck on the opposite side as a result of pressure put onto you (or maybe because it wasn't even in your control to begin with).

This also kind of reminds me of the difference between El vs. Will (or Mike) and how being different makes them feel.

El doesn't want to be known for being different aka being a superhero and that's because she's spent her whole life living and breathing that experience only, against her will, while Will (and Mike) have been so used to trying to be as normal as possible their whole lives, they want someone to tell them it's okay to be different.

El should be capable of embracing her powers, while also wanting to explore a life that entails normal everyday things she missed out on. Will (and Mike) should be able to embrace aspects of themselves they'd been hiding for so long (their queerness), while also accepting that normal for them doesn't have to always mean being less of who you are.

I think in order for Mike to evolve, he needs to accept that him blocking out the truth is causing him to behave in ways that go against what we've seen is his true self. We saw him go from trying to be someone he's not in s3, back to his true self in s4, only to, in that same season, revert back to being someone he's not. And we know why. So it's going to take him acknowledging that and accepting it and also realizing that accepting it doesn't necessarily mean having to overcompensate by rejecting anything and everything that on the surface seems like a threat to what makes him different. It's really just about accepting himself and being sure of who he is so that he has the confidence to live a life that is authentically him. Because when he does that, then it wont matter what anyone else is doing or what they think.

I think in order for Lucas to evolve, he needs genuine support from others around him, which will require work on their part, in a way that acknowledges why Lucas felt pressure to be more accepted (we all have our reasons, some more than others). Unlike Mike, I think Lucas playing along with treating d&d like a joke in s3, then being followed by a continuation in s4 of him again putting d&d on the back-burner, is showing that he is consistently striving for this idea something outside of a life of otherness. Does that mean he doesn't like d&d anymore? I don't think so. It means that there needs to be clarity on things from his side, and why his situation was much different from the others. Do I think Lucas' experience as a Black kid in a small town in the 80's is going to be something explored thoroughly in s5? No, probably not. I also wouldn't want that to be the main focus of his arc at the end of the story though either because the whole point of his arc is that he doesn't want what has always defined his otherness to get in the way of every aspect of his life. His arc does feel like someone who has been trapped in his otherness in a way that is outside of his control. And so having the ability to live life in the way he wants, in some cases to manage what comes with experiencing racism, but in more ways that embrace who he is regardless of the world around him, is something that I think is important for him to close off his arc in a way that is satisfying.

And I do think that given the message of the show, they have a responsibility to explore what accepting yourself looks like for all of these characters. And that includes Lucas and Max and Dustin and all of the other main characters that weren't mentioned in that David interview referring to the OGs getting their happy endings. With a 2 1/2 hour finale and apparently a 30 minute ending sequence covering all of those endings, I'm expecting something vaguely along those lines.

[wibble-wobbegong]

Something something tell me about the relationship between sense of duty and self preservation when Mike wants to present himself as El's perfect nice het boyf. I know he's so so aware of this dilemma and may or not be mentally shitting on himself for it but I am very curious on how you think it is playing out otherwise🤔🤔🤔

*cracks my knuckles* it’s been a while but im feeling impassioned about my boy rn. forgive me if this is cruddy

When we’re looking at these two pieces of Mike, it’s important to understand that it’s rather paradoxical. I’ve failed to explain this before, but I think I finally have the words for it.

So, as far as Mike’s sense of duty, we’re all well aware that it’s very intense. When he feels like he must be dutiful or that he owes someone, he does so with a vigor that’s unmatched by any other character. What he decides as deserving of his loyalty, however, is not something that’s always perceived as fair by the audience. Most of us, as far as I have seen, agree that Mike should have been loyal to Lucas and gone to his games, but Mike clearly doesn’t agree with that sentiment. He felt betrayed by Lucas as he joined the basketball team and yearned for popularity rather than him continuing to be a full fledged nerd like Mike.

Lucas was Mike’s rock throughout S3, which is when we saw him following the route of normalcy alongside Lucas. Or attempting to do so. Their mutual feeling of betrayal is rooted in Mike returning to his truer self whilst Lucas does the same– they just happen to desire different things in life. Lucas wants to be treated like everybody else and be able to balance his nerdier side and a more stereotypical life, which we see him attempt to do in S4. Of course, at the end, Lucas comes to understand that popularity and such is not what he expected it to be. That doesn’t mean he didn’t want it, he just has a morality that is stronger than his wants for security.

Mike, on the other hand, doesn’t and never has actually wanted to be normal. It’s been a thing he’s forced himself to be and proceeded to fail miserably in doing so. He isn’t and doesn’t want the popularity and sense of belonging in stereotypical groups, and it’s painted in the argument scene between Mike and Dustin vs Lucas where we witness Mike hanging his head as though he understands Lucas’ wants, which Lucas would hope he would, but he can’t bring himself to prioritize this over his sense of betrayal.

This is all to demonstrate that Mike has carried his personal value of loyalty all the way to S4 from S1, so it’s an immovable trait of his, even as it evolves. However, he still deeply cares about his friends, even if he does feel betrayed. In S1, despite believing El had betrayed him, he didn’t kick her out to the streets. He was clearly upset with her, but not enough to risk putting her in serious danger. With Lucas, he’s upset as well, but we see the guilt clouding him fighting against the anger he feels. The difference between these two situations is that Mike feels as though Lucas chose to leave whereas El didn’t leave. The level of danger is different, sure, but Lucas still risked himself by approaching these people who reflect those who bullied the Party in the past. Mike has changed over time, and his bottled up emotions and inability to let himself truly free has built up and his anger has started to outshine his deeper sense of loyalty.

That being said, we also see Mike’s dedication differ based on how much he believes he owes a person. In El’s case, he owes her a lot. She brought Will home to him and he had promised her a relationship. She has saved them countless times. She’s a superhero. Mike’s devotion to El is much stronger than anybody else as a result. He has prioritized her over everybody else in his life, even the people who make him happier, because he knows El desires this with him. El has given him no reason to feel betrayed for 3 of the 4 seasons, and Mike grew to care about her very quickly. When Mike cares, he cares a lot. He carries intense emotions about basically everything and tends to overreact, which can come out as spurts of anger or sadness, but it can also be seen as pushing himself to do an unnecessary amount for El specifically, in recency.

Here’s where it gets somewhat paradoxical. Mike’s sense of duty is strong, but as a result he’s become unable to express himself with anybody. You’d think that Mike’s duty would become central to Will, and we know that it is as soon as El is gone. It’s made clear in S2. Unlike anybody else, Will has the unique trait of being Mike’s best friend. He’s the only person Mike will allow himself to open up to, and we saw that with his explosions in S3 and his softness in S4, especially in the van. Mike has to protect himself and this identity he upholds when he’s with El so her happiness is maintained, but his dynamic with Will means he’s able to actually express himself and rely on Will– those emotions tend to be negative and sometimes hurtful because all of it gets laid onto Will. All his frustrations and problems are talked through with Will because he’s the only person Mike can trust in such a way.

As a result, we see Mike painted as selfish and a shitty friend to Will. We know Mike is willing to be there for Will when he truly needs it and we know Mike wants to be there, which we see in S2 and S4 (regardless of whether or not he called, he still listened to Will and made amends). S3 is a unique situation of Mike being incredibly stressed and feeling as though he has to isolate himself from this either part of him entirely in order to maintain his persona of El’s boyfriend. This gets taken out on Will as well. A major part of this is that Mike views his entire self as unworthy of being El’s boyfriend, so he attempts to mold himself into the person he believes she deserves, but this means cutting out anything not considered normal. Obviously Will was insisting on doing things the old way of the Party, which he shouldn’t be blamed for whatsoever, but on an even deeper level Will is tied to who Mike truly is as a person and he refuses to change himself, meaning Mike can’t swerve his way around that part of himself so he feels as though he needs to suppress and even abandon Will (somewhat). When Will digs his heels into the ground and tugs on Mike, desperate to bring back the boy he knew, Mike gets pissed off and yells. This is quickly overtaken by his care for Will, which is why he runs after him.

Mike cares about Will, but he was warring with himself over who he thinks he’s supposed to be versus who he actually is. El is representative of his commitment to those he loves, but Will is representative of the freedom of self. Mike has been struggling to balance these two for so long because they’re core parts of who he is. He values his sense of duty in the highest regard but there is nobody who doesn’t want to be themself deep down. Mike has not yet learned to prioritize his sense of self over his sense of duty due to his own belief that he isn’t special or worth loving when he is himself, so he allows himself to be overcome with his duty.

We’ve seen him acknowledge that he recognizes his shitty behavior and wants to be better, but still struggles. Yet, as soon as Will promises him that he is loved for who he is and that he is special and gives him strength in that way, we see him smiling and able to connect with El on a level that isn’t false romance but friendship and love. El clearly prefers this Mike, as we see her smiling and laughing with him when they aren’t forcing themselves into a relationship neither of them are happy in. This is ripped away, however, when Will says, “You’re the heart!” because Mike had truly thought those were Will’s words in the van. He knows El would never say those things, so is heart is crushed with the realization that Will had lied to him: he’s not special, he’s not really the heart, he’s not anything Will described. Mike reverts back to his sense of duty immediately and the pain for both him and El is clear.

Basically, it’s a matter of his inability to prioritize himself and his happiness over his dedication, how he views El as someone he owes and how he views Will as a piece of his happiest and most genuine self, and the fact that he feels as though he must hide his truest self in favor of being the person he thinks El wants, which leads to him pushing Will away and fighting with him despite his desperate want to be himself. He flips around so much because of this push and pull in his head and El and Will not really expressing to him what the want from him. El doesn’t really want a relationship with him, she just thought it would make her normal. Will wants Mike so badly but he can’t tell him that, so he fights for what he thinks Mike’s happiness is. Mike doesn’t communicate what he wants to either of them. All three of them are hot messes.