#i may be dealing with chronic pain and fatigue for the rest of my life

[peachdoxie]

Man, it's like, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my time grieving the life I could have lived if I hadn't become disabled. Even after eight years it keeps hitting me how much I've lost and how much more I will lose. I can't ever imagine it lessening over time like normal grief does.

[2000sangel]

Can you please do headcanons with Angel and Husk with a reader who suffers from chronic pain/illness and how’d they’d help reader get through it? Platonic or romantic is up to you! It’s okay if you can’t but thank you so much if you do.

Hey there! Of course I can, I decided to go with chronic pain though it’s written pretty vaguely, so it can be relatable to a wider audience; and for anyone struggling with this, make sure you rest a bunch :)

Angel and Husk with a Reader who has Chronic pain/illness

Angel Dust

✧Angel is a very caring boyfriend; he remembers all the meds that you’re supposed to take and at what time, and if you forget about taking them he’s going to gently scold you and remind you that this is important for your health.

✧However, his life is pretty busy with him having to be on set for most of the day, so he can’t really take care of you the way he’d rather do it. Still, he’ll take a few breaks to remind you to take your medicine at the right time and entrust somebody else to take care of you if you’re having a particularly bad day.

✧Speaking of bad days, every single morning before he goes to work he’ll stop by your room; if you’re already awake he’ll tell you to text him if there is a problem and you two will share a kiss as good luck to both of you; if you’re still sleeping, he’ll gladly leave a neatly written note on your nightstand where he reminds you how much he loves you and tells you he hopes that you have a good day, and to obviously text him if something’s wrong.

Good Morning Sweets, I hope you slept fine, and that today goes well! Leave me a message if you need, I’ll try to check my phone for you. I love you a bunch, -Anthony <3

✧At the end of the day, expect a lot of cuddles and kisses! He’ll ask you how it went and if you managed to carry out any of your projects. At the start of the relationship he might even avoid talking about his own struggles because he knows you have to deal with yours every day, but as you two get more comfortable so will the relationship, and you’ll be genuine with each other, as the other will always be there for comfort.

Husk

✦Husk may appear grumpy, but as I said probably a million times at this point, he’s the exact opposite in a relationship, especially if you struggle with chronic pain or illness. He’ll be extra careful not to cause you any additional pain or fatigue, and will be thinking of you pretty much the whole time when you’re resting in your room.

✦Alcohol doesn’t really help with chronic pain and illness, so he’s willing to mix you non-alcoholic cocktails and of course prepare something extra for you, such as a breakfast in bed here...a favourite dish as lunch there...he’s skilled in the kitchen! So he does so both because he enjoys it and because it lessens your strain.

✦He can also be a bit of a couch potato, so he doesn’t really mind if you sometimes prefer to have little dates at the Hotel because you’re not feeling the best. Watching some TV to distract you sounds good enough to him, as long as you get to spend time together and he gets to comfort you with his purrs.

✦If you’re having a particularly bad day, he will do anything for you; bring you your meds, remind you to eat and drink, he will even take breaks from tending to the bar to check on you. Alastor doesn’t mind him doing that either.

✦- This only applies if you’re dating both of them – Husk will always be appointed to look after you by Angel while he’s at work if you’re in pain, and he doesn’t mind it one bit. You will receive lots of love once Angel comes home, from both him and Husk, and the playful banter between the two will surely be able to distract you a bit.  

[esoteric-chaos]

Low Energy Witchcraft - Chronic Fatigue Edition

Making a post such as this is something I find absolutely vital. Many of us deal with fatigue. Many of us deal with chronic fatigue and don't know it. This comes in tiredness, drowsiness, exhaustion, lethargy, brain fog, memory issues, slurring of words and muscle weakness.

I deal with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). My Fibromyalgia accompanies that which is a chronic pain condition.

Sometimes you feel stuck in your own body. Bedridden for hours, days, weeks and sometimes life in extreme cases of ME/CFS. Weather can affect this, environment and pushing yourself past your limits. Rest is important.

Now how does this tie into witchcraft? Simple. We use our energy for spellwork, raising energy, energy work, devotion, basically everything. So much of our practice requires personal energy being manipulated and used, leaving us exhausted after in a lot of cases.

I'm going to share some helpful tips with you today.

Now remember, witchcraft is an aid. Nota cure or a replacement for medical aid. Please still take any and all medication and go to the doctors when needed.

Now let's get into it

Sustaining and drawing energy:

Borrowing energy from elements, crystals, tendrils (I'll go into this), space. It's limitless.

Tendrils. Tendrils are a form of vampiric magic I learned. Where you can borrow energy from another person. I will not go into the ethics of consent. I believe you need to do what's right for you at the moment. However, consent is something vital and needs to be practiced. How do you do it? Visualize or focus on feeling these energy tendrils coming out of your fingers. They can suck up the energy from the space or from another person with contact and focus. If not immediately needed, you can store this excess energy in a crystal or an amulet for later use. Always try to ground after so you don't feel overcharged. Being overcharged can cause shakiness, anxiety and sometimes manic-like states.

Sigils

Sigils are a great form of aid. You can make them for lifting brain fog, fatigue, memory, etc. I will link some when I make a few.

Spells

You can do mini spell workings on higher energy days to aid in many ways. I will link some when I make a few.

Deities Worship

If you work with certain deities they may aid you in health. Honouring and working with Apollon (Greek), Apollo (Roman), Sekhmet (Egyptian), Eir (Norse), Airmed (Irish) and many more are associated with healing. A simple prayer can do.

What can I practice when I have little/no energy?

You can practice mindfulness or elemental box breathing. How I do that is breathe in Earth, Fire, Water, Air. Hold Earth, Fire, Water, Air. Breathe out Earth, Fire, Water, Air. and Hold Earth, Fire, Water, Air. Repeat as needed. You will feel more connected to the elements that way.

Take any medication you have with intention. Drawing the sun symbol on your bottles, the planet sun is great for healing.

Prayer to any deities, guardians or ancestors you are currently working with.

Grounding your energy may help you feel better with brain fog. It tends to help me on heavy days.

Doing something as simple as opening a window on a windy day to connect to the air element. Helps cycle air in a stuffy environment as well.

Opening your curtains and basking in the sun's rays can feel very soothing. Alternatively, if you have a sun lamp for SAD, you can bask in its glow and envision the sun's rays on your skin to connect with solar energy.

I will add to this post as time goes on.

Do you want to see more posts I have? Check out the Masterpost.

Updated 2/6/24

[genderqueerdykes]

The recent reblog had me wondering something. I can walk fine, and only get out of breath quickly when it's at accelerated paces. But I can not stand for very long without my back really hurting. It is especially hard when I have to wait in line for something, and I end up just having to sit on the floor. But I even struggle when I have to stand doing the dishes and stuff.

Is there anything I could do to make those things easier? Because as far as I know canes are really only for balance. I'm not even sure this counts as an issue, but it doesn't seem to be a problem anyone else in my family has.

I am not really sure if you can suggest anything. But I hope you are having an okay time considering how the world is being. Good day.

good question, thanks for stopping by!

i'm very sorry to hear you're dealing with that, but i understand it. you may be dealing with some lower back issues, which is very common. even people who don't consider themselves disabled deal with very bad lower back problems. i think its largely due to the fact that in modern western society, you're forced to either stand straight up or sit down and not move for many, many hours at a time. humans are not made to sit or stand in one position for extended periods of time. the way our work/school cultures are run is very hard on the human body. sitting for too long can cause all kinds of problems, as the pressure from being upright settles directly in your lower spine and creates unreal amounts of pressure

easily becoming winded can have a lot of causes, one of the most common is anemia (low iron), another very common disorder that causes one to lose their breath very easily is POTS. some gastrointestinal conditions can also cause one to become winded very easily, as can chronic fatigue, and conditions that cause a lot of pain. you're definitely not alone there. if you're able to see a doctor about this, i'd recommend doing so and trying to get whatever tests done you can afford/your insurance will cover, as it can make life very difficult to run out of breath and be in lots of pain just by standing for short intervals.

i use my cane for both balance and pain reasons! having another point of support can help reduce pressure on the lower back. it won't cure back pain, but it can help a lot when it comes to relieving some of the pressure you're feeling, and can be leaned on especially if you find yourself hunching over from the pain. they can help a lot with pain even if they're used for balance by a lot of people!

i find that my rollator walker helps a ton with my lower back pain, as does my wheelchair. my wheelchair has an ergonomic seat made out of heavy duty fabric that is like a hammock/cot that allows my butt and lower back to be suspended and supported, but not SMASHED up against a hard object. the gentle suspension reduces a ton of pain. however, i know not everyone can just go out and get a wheelchair, as they are quite expensive. my rollator walker was given to me by an elderly neighbor who knew i'm disabled, but couldn't fit it in her moving truck and it has helped me a lot. i mean a LOT. i can't take my wheelchair everywhere because of how heavy it is, but i really am in love with how helpful my rollator is

it is a walker that also features a built in seat, so if i need to sit down and take a rest for any reason, i can do so right there! these are still expensive, albeit much, much cheaper than a wheelchair, and can usually be found in pharmacies for sale. however, i understand not wanting to commit to something like that right away, as you're still very early on in figuring out what's going on.

if you're unable to visit a doctor, that's okay. what i can try to recommend is looking up back stretches to try to help with that in the interim while you don't have any mobility aids. stretching helps a lot with back pain, often times, your back is just seized up from overwork and can cause all kinds of other pain and even damage. your back muscles will seize up at times to help support your spine, and when this happens for long periods of time it can cause all kinds of misery and even lasting damage.

if you're unable to get any type of aid, try to plan your routes accordingly to avoid being on your feet for very long periods of time. take breaks when and where needed, even if it's every 5 minutes. you don't have to over exert yourself for anyone else. you're allowed to take as many breaks as you need while traveling. i hope you're able to get some answers for what you're experiencing, and i hope things improve for you soon.

i hope this helped somewhat! feel free to come back any time, good luck!

[lupusbaby]

hi!! you don't have to respond to this at all but i recently found out my mother may have POTS (she's been living with chronic fatigue since college and known it, but never had a diagnosis for anything) and i was wondering if i could do anything to help? she, my sister, and i all have issues with chronic illness (PCOS for me- not sure if that counts but it definitely affects my life- and my sister is undiagnosed but deals with severe chronic pain) and i want to support them as much as i can. if you have any resources you could send my way that would be lovely!

also huge shout out to you. chronic illness sucks and it takes incredible strength to make it through each day. may your spoons be plentiful and may rest come to your body.

This is so sweet, thank you for loving and caring for them :)

As for support, extra understanding is always helpful. Sometimes plans need to change last minute. Chronic illness can make you so "unreliable" with scheduled activities, and a lot of us hold a lot of guilt about that. In these cases, verbal reassurance works for me, so maybe your family would like that too. Offering a listening ear is great, as well as checking in with them about their needs.

For POTS, keep some salty snacks and extra water in your car/purse/etc. because sodium helps with regulating body fluid volume and orthostatic adrenaline spikes, which both can make people with POTS feel faint.

As for long term- offer up accessible activities. Exercise can be really beneficial for POTS and chronic pain. For people with POTS, that might mean slow swimming or chair yoga to avoid getting symptomatic. I do aqua exercise to help with my chronic pain and POTS, and my blood pressure and heart rate are super stable and normal while in the pool. I also have one of those under-desk peddlers to help keep my knee joints lubricated when I'm more inactive due. Comfy nights in, slow walks, activities that are indoors/temperature regulated, etc.

Like most chronic illnesses, stress is a big trigger. Try to help your people manage their stressors. Also just pay attention when you're with them- glazed eyes, swaying, leaning, panting, shortness of breath, etc. can all mean we don't feel right in that moment. Sitting down and having some water is a good idea at that time.

I'm just rambling now, but I hope some of this is helpful. POTS can affect so many things, like temperature regulation, energy levels, etc. Here is a link that explains it better than I can.

Good luck to all of you, and I hope you find some ease and happiness :)

[forbidden-salt]

The Gender Disparity in Healthcare: Why Women's Health is Still Falling Behind

By ForbiddenSalt

For far too long, women’s healthcare has been an afterthought in the medical community. From late inclusion in clinical trials to frequent dismissal of their symptoms, women have faced a host of systemic biases that have had serious and often life-threatening consequences. Today, women continue to deal with the ripple effects of these inequalities, especially when it comes to pain management, chronic illness, and neurodevelopmental disorders. In this post, we’ll dive into how these disparities impact women’s lives, from personal stories to the wider issues still plaguing the medical community.

When Were Women Finally Included in Medical Research?

For decades, clinical research was almost exclusively conducted on men, and the findings were generalized to women without considering key biological differences. Women were often excluded from clinical trials, partly due to the misconception that female hormonal cycles made research more “complicated.” It wasn’t until 1993—less than 30 years ago—that the NIH Revitalization Act mandated the inclusion of women in medical research.

The consequences of this late inclusion are still felt today. Take heart disease as an example: heart disease is the leading cause of death for women, but because early research focused primarily on men, many women’s symptoms are overlooked or misdiagnosed. Men often present with classic symptoms like chest pain, but women may experience more subtle signs such as nausea, back pain, or fatigue. A 2018 study revealed that women are 50% more likely than men to be misdiagnosed following a heart attack, which has deadly implications. This disparity is not just limited to heart disease—it extends across nearly all areas of medicine.

Dismissal of Women's Health: From "Hysteria" to Today

One of the most damaging legacies in women’s healthcare is the historical association of women’s physical complaints with mental health conditions, a narrative that stretches back to the term “hysteria” in ancient medicine. Unfortunately, this dismissive attitude is still prevalent today, and many women find their concerns attributed to stress, anxiety, or other psychological factors rather than being investigated for legitimate physical conditions.

Autoimmune diseases offer a clear example. These diseases disproportionately affect women—nearly 80% of those diagnosed with autoimmune diseases are female. However, the path to diagnosis is often long and fraught with misdiagnoses, usually involving mental health explanations. According to the American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association (AARDA), it takes an average of 4.6 years and visits to five different doctors for a woman to receive a correct autoimmune diagnosis. This often means that women suffer for years without proper treatment while being told that their symptoms are “in their head” or caused by stress.

In my personal experience, it took over four years to get a correct diagnosis for a torn ligament in my ankle. Initially, doctors dismissed my concerns, insisting that I had a simple ankle sprain. Despite persistent pain and limited mobility, I was told to rest and manage the discomfort. Only after years of advocating for myself did I undergo surgery in 2013 to repair the torn ligament. Even then, I wasn’t properly diagnosed with hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS)—which explains my recurring injuries and chronic pain—until 2024. Over a decade of suffering. While the pain may not be able to have been avoided had my concerns been taken more seriously from the start I at least would have felt validated. In addition to hEDS, I also received a diagnoses for autoimmune arthritis with in the same year.

The Gendered Pain Gap: Dismissed and Expected to Endure

The way women’s pain is treated compared to men’s is one of the most glaring inequalities in healthcare. From childbirth to chronic illness, women are expected to endure extreme pain with little or no pain management. One striking example is IUD insertion. In a recent survey, 84% of women reported pain during IUD insertion, with some describing the experience as excruciating. Despite this, it’s routinely performed without anesthesia or adequate pain relief. Medical professionals have often downplayed women’s experiences, with some still claiming that the cervix has no nerve endings, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

This isn’t the only reproductive health issue where women’s pain is ignored. Hormonal birth control has long been associated with side effects like depression, weight gain, migraines, and severe mood swings. However, these side effects are dismissed or normalized, and women are expected to bear the burden without much discussion or alternative. On the other hand, a male birth control trial was halted in 2016 due to complaints of mood changes and acne—side effects that have been largely accepted as a “normal” part of women’s reproductive healthcare.

The contrast between the treatment of women and men when it comes to medical procedures is stark. After giving birth, women are often expected to be up and moving within hours, caring for their newborns while recovering from a physically traumatic experience. In contrast, men are advised to rest for two days following a vasectomy—a far less invasive procedure.

Women often mask their pain, pushing through it as they care for children, work, and handle daily tasks. However, this masking of pain also leads to another issue: when women do show signs of pain, they are more likely to be dismissed or accused of exaggerating their symptoms. A 2018 study published in Academic Emergency Medicine found that women reporting severe abdominal pain had to wait 33% longer than men to receive pain medication in emergency settings. The perception that women are naturally equipped to endure pain has led to widespread under-treatment of their symptoms.

The Weight Bias in Women's Healthcare

Another pervasive issue in women’s healthcare is the overemphasis on weight. Women are frequently told that their symptoms will improve if they “just lose weight,” regardless of whether or not weight has any relation to their condition. This advice often delays the diagnosis and treatment of serious conditions, particularly when those conditions cause weight gain in the first place.

For instance, hypothyroidism can cause weight gain, fatigue, and other debilitating symptoms, yet many women with undiagnosed hypothyroidism are repeatedly told to lose weight to feel better. This creates a vicious cycle where women are blamed for their weight, despite it being a symptom of an untreated condition. In my case, I begged doctors for over seven years to check for hypothyroidism, especially given my family history. Despite all of my symptoms aligning, my blood tests came back "normal," and my concerns were dismissed. It wasn’t until one result was marginally abnormal that my PCP finally agreed to prescribe a low dose of thyroid medication— and the improvement was almost immediate. I felt better within a month, yet I had suffered for years while my symptoms were ignored. How many other women go through this same experience, where their normal isn’t the standard, unable to advocate enough to be heard?

The Disparity in Neurodevelopmental Diagnoses

Beyond physical health, women also face bias in mental health and neurodevelopmental diagnoses. Conditions like autism and ADHD are underdiagnosed in women because the diagnostic criteria were based on how these conditions typically present in men. Women often “mask” their symptoms, particularly in social settings, which makes them more difficult to diagnose. This means that many women go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, often with mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.

Research has shown that girls and women with ADHD are diagnosed later in life than boys and men, often because they present with inattentiveness rather than hyperactivity. I was only diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20s. This delay in diagnosis means they receive treatment later and may struggle with other related conditions such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Women Mask Their Pain but Are Still Not Taken Seriously

An unfortunate paradox in women’s healthcare is that women are often praised for their ability to cope with pain but criticized when they express it. Because women are conditioned to mask their pain, and general symptoms, when they do speak up, their complaints are more likely to be dismissed as exaggerations or dramatics. This creates a no-win situation where women are not taken seriously regardless of how they present their symptoms.

This dynamic is particularly evident in cases of chronic illness. For example, I started experiencing symptoms of POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) when I was a child, but it wasn’t until I was 28 that I received a diagnosis. The symptoms—fainting episodes, dizziness, fatigue and so so much more—were sporadic but worsened over time. Instead of recognizing a systemic issue, doctors treated each symptom in isolation. It wasn’t until all the puzzle pieces—my migraines, hypermobility, and fainting—were considered together that a diagnosis was made. How many other women are left suffering for years because their conditions are minimized or fragmented into manageable parts instead of being taken seriously as a whole? Or frankly just misdiagnosed, POTS is fairly common especially in women but under diagnosed and many women are told that their racing heart - tachycardia - is “just anxiety” or “poor fitness”.

The Efficacy of Medication: A Gender Bias

Finally, we cannot ignore the gender bias in medication efficacy and safety. Historically, medications have been tested primarily on male subjects, which means that drugs may not work as well for women, or they may have different side effects. For example, women are more likely than men to experience adverse drug reactions. The FDA eventually had to halve the recommended dose of Ambien for women after finding that women metabolized the drug more slowly than men, leading to significant impairments the following day due to being over medicated leading to significant impairments the following day. If medication were more routinely tested on women, such disparities could be identified and addressed earlier, preventing unnecessary harm

Conclusion: A Call to Action

The gender disparities in healthcare are not just issues of inconvenience—they are a matter of life and death. Women’s pain is dismissed, their symptoms ignored, and their health concerns attributed to psychological causes rather than physical ones. The result is delayed diagnoses, improper treatments, and prolonged suffering.

It’s time to demand better. Women’s health deserves to be taken seriously, from research and diagnostic criteria to treatment plans and pain management. We need a healthcare system that prioritizes women’s well-being as much as it has historically prioritized men’s. Only then can we close the gap and ensure that all patients receive the care they deserve.

[multiplicity-positivity]

hey uhhh i hope its fine to ask advice.

i (??? im really blurry rn sorry) got two new headmates relatively recently and im trying to figure out how i can let them front without putting us in danger.

if i dont let them front they will be even more mad at me, which just makes it worse.

i just really dont know what to do because we're busy with (online) school for 5 days a week and on the weekends i want to relax, but i guess i cant take all that time for myself because they need time to relax too. but im still really stressed because if they meet my parents and act wrong it might not go well like last time.

it seems really hard to put the time out of my schedule despite it not being that busy due to stuff like chronic pain and needing a lot of time to rest compared to normal. but i dont want them to hate me.

sorry if this is impossible to answer. i get it if you delete it /gen

Hey, this is a fine and valid question to ask. We’ll do our best to answer:

For hosts, allowing their other headmates time to front and interact with the world (if those headmates want it) is essential to ensuring that the whole system can live happy, healthy lives. We know this can be very difficult to come to terms with, especially if you’re not used to having to share your time like this. I (Parker) still get weary from time to time sharing my life with my alters. It used to frustrate me more than it does these days, though. I understand that my alters want to experience life and interact with the world, and in order for me to give that to them, I had to learn how to step back and just let things happen without trying to control every aspect of their lives.

We understand that you might have to mask at home for your own safety. If you are able to contact and communicate with your headmates, it would probably be good to try and explain this to them. Y’all might be able to reach a compromise where other headmates can front if, while your parents are around, they’re able to effectively mask or pretend to be you. We know this situation isn’t ideal, but at least that could allow these headmates a chance to front every now and then. Many systems unfortunately do have to mask for their own safety - and if y'all reach a point in your lives where you no longer have to live with your parents, you can focus on learning to unmask.

At the same time, maybe you could set up some ground rules for dealing with your chronic pain and the amount of rest you need. Could you educate your headmates about the body’s pain and fatigue issues? This way, if other headmates understand how to manage your body’s pain and get enough rest, they may be able to front more often and even help you take care of your body.

To start, even just allowing your headmates to front for 5-10 minutes at a time can allow them to test out the waters of existence, hopefully without exhausting you. The more informed they are about your situation, and the more willing y’all are to make compromises and cooperate with each other, the more you may find it’s possible for you all to live in harmony together. Perhaps with communication, patience, and taking things slow, y'all may be able to start switching in a way that allows your headmates to front occasionally, without putting your system in danger.

Good luck with this! Trying to navigate system life by allowing other headmates to front while keeping the system hidden can certainly be difficult, but for many, this sort of thing is necessary in order to accommodate other members and allow the whole system to experience the world. We're wishing y'all the very best as you try to figure this out!

💫 Parker and 🍃 Corrie

[tamberlanecomic]

July Newsletter

Hey everyone! Here are some general updates for everything that’s been going on and what you can expect for this month and throughout the summer.

Health Update

As some of you may remember, right after the Kickstarter closed I was knocked out by a one-two punch of a fibro flare and Covid. While I’ve been put through the wringer, I’m FINALLY feeling like I’m crawling back out from under this extended period of sickness.

I’m still dealing with some pain and fatigue due to my fibro flare-up, but it’s more or less back to the “normal” levels of what I’m used to, so overall I’m doing pretty good. I took some extra time to recuperate from Covid in the hopes of avoiding any long Covid effects, and while I am still taking it easy, I take a lot of joy in drawing and being forced to not indulge in any of my creative pursuits have made me all the more eager to get back into the swing of things. So, I’m still being careful, but I’m also easing back into work. 

I got so many amazing comments from patrons, readers, and Kickstarter backers all encouraging me to take as long as I needed to get better, and I can’t thank you enough for the kind words and well wishes! It was measurably easier to take some time off to rest knowing I had so many people cheering me on and encouraging me to do so, so thank you so much for taking the time to say something and for sending me words of support. <3 You da best!

Comic Updates

We’re moving right along, with 12 pages currently in the pipeline at various production stages. In fact, I’ve just put three new finished pages into the buffer for $10+ patrons today! Our priority right now is to get a healthy buffer so that I can have ample time and space to catch up on other work without impending deadline pressures.

Patreon Rewards

Next, I plan to knock out a good chunk of Patreon commissions for my $50+ folks. I’ve already been doing that here and there, but I want to make sure that the oldest ones are finished first. 

Likewise, due to the chaos of a sudden move and a lot of life changes, Ari didn’t send the May postcards out until today, so I apologize for the delays there – we’re getting back on track! June’s postcards have already been sent.

Speaking of, I’ve included some of the patron reward art I just finished last week!

Kickstarter News

We still need to finish the internal book edits, draw up the Q&As, format the information in the book, and finish formatting annotations. These are all things I had intended to get done both during and after the campaign but I was simply unable to keep up with it due to health reasons. Curse you, chronic illness! 

I am also going to explore another option for getting the softcovers printed locally, which is something I will only go with if the quality is up to my standards. But we're less than $5k away from being able to reprint Chapters 1-3 so if we're able to get a cheaper local deal with a good printer, I'm willing to explore the option! 

By the way, we are now officially sold out of Chapters 1 and 2 books, but you can help us reprint them by preordering them and other stuff through our Backerkit shop!

Preorder Here

We’ll be streaming edits in the Foxglove discord server, so be sure to keep an eye out on there!

New Pride Merch

For Pride month I launched two new apparel designs as part of our Pride collection! Choose from Agender or Non-Binary Ainsley or Biromantic or Transgender Marie on comfy shirts available in a wide range of colors and sizes. 

This collection also features downloadable Tales from Treehollow comics dealing with LGBTQIA+ themes. Come check it out!

Shop Now

Artfight

I’ve never done Artfight before, but I’m gonna try this year! It’ll be fun to have little warmup drawings I can squeeze in here and there between larger projects. 

If you’ve never heard of Artfight, it’s an annual art trading game where you “attack” by drawing other people’s characters. It seems really fun! If you’re participating and want to add me, here’s my profile:

https://artfight.net/~Cvilbrandt

Thanks all for reading! May this month be ever better!

[junebugwriter]

Disabilities I

Since I have some time, I'll tell you all a bit about what the deal is with my disability, and why I am writing about disability in my dissertation.

Back in 2012, I got into a car accident. My girlfriend (now wife) was in the car with me, but I bore the brunt of the impact, and as a result, got some moderate spinal damage. That resulted in me going to physical therapy for a few months, but the lasting damage resulted in fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia isn't so much as a single disease, as it is a cluster of related symptoms that don't neatly fit into one classification or particular syndrome. It's more like, "you don't have x, y, or z, but you have all the same symptoms, so we're going to put you in the big bin that's labeled TO BE SORTED LATER." This is gross simplification, of course, but it's close enough for jazz.

Fibromyalgia is mostly related to a conjunction of hyperactive and inflamed nerves, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain. My body thinks I have an infection or an injury, but there is none there, so I get all the lovely side effects of my body fighting off or healing itself without the benefit of actually healing or fighting off an illness. It's not great! It's often comorbid with depression and anxiety, which I also have.

Really, the only reason I was able to get the fibro diagnosis was because my partner ALSO has fibro, and the only reason she knows she has it is because her sister has it! No one thing causes it, but it is often related to genetics or physical trauma. She saw all the signs of it in me, got me to see a rheumatologist, and sure enough, I have all the signs of fibro.

What I struggle most with is with the nerves and the exhaustion. I have chronic fatigue, and the rest I get from sleep isn't all that restorative. Whereas most people tend to wake up rested, I wake up more or less the same amount of tired a regular person feels before going to sleep.

I'm relatively lucky, to be honest. I'm able to manage my pain and such with medication. I'm even able to go to the gym a few times a week, energy permitting. But that takes a lot of effort, and I probably don't see all the benefits a regular person would get from exercise because of a cluster of reasons, related to my thyroid, fibro, and other things.

Oh, and just this past year, I've gotten serious about addressing my latent ADHD. I've had it all my life, but the difference now is that I'm trying to write a goddamn book, and that takes a lot more mental energy and organization than I usually have. This may be needed to addressed in another post, but the fact of the matter is, I'm taking a lot longer to write this thing than most people, partly because I'm working full time, and partly because my brain simply does not work like most neurotypical brains and requires a lot more effort to simply write one page whereas others might be able to knock out much more in a night than I would with the same amount of effort.

So there's my disabilities as they stand. I'll probably try to talk a bit more about them in future posts. It's an ongoing conversation, but having been diagnosed with disabilities like this has given me a much greater focus on the issues disabled folks face in society, and in my case, the church.

Writing about disability is both freeing but also complicated. Nobody experiences the same disability the same way, and can be affected by comorbidities that result in different experiences. I'll try to be as honest about my struggles with disability as possible, because it's good to get these stories out into the world and out of my brain. But also? We shouldn't be afraid to talk about our disabilities. In all statistical likelihood, you will be affected by a disability, either in your life or in a loved one's life. So it's good to be honest about struggles and joys related to disability, because if we can normalize it, we can understand each other better and work together to form a better community. One that treats each other as co-equal humans, worthy of love and respect.

[crackednailsandsplitends]

Tips on how to get a good night’s sleep with a chronic illness

For those of us dealing with the extra challenges brought about by chronic illness, we find ourselves frequently grappling with sleep disruptions due to symptoms or medication side effects, pain and so much more. When you try to close your eyes, trying to ignore the pain in your body, only to be met with endless tossing and turning. The quest for quality sleep amidst ongoing health battles can be frustrating, upsetting and debilitating.

Sleep, often considered as an escape from everyday worries, becomes elusive when enduring chronic conditions. It's not just about the hours we manage to sleep, but the quality of sleep that counts. There's no underestimating the effects of good sleep on overall well-being and ability to cope with illness symptoms.

The challenge here is that chronic illness often comes with manifestations that interfere with healthy sleep patterns. Symptoms such as constant pain, breathlessness, frequent urination or even anxiety and depression associated with living under prolonged distress can cause significant trouble in falling asleep or maintaining sleep throughout the night. Thus, interrupted sleep or lack of deep restorative sleep over extended periods may exacerbate existing health issues – and often does, I know it certainly does for me, leading to a vicious cycle of symptom aggravation and further sleep disturbance.

This complex connection between chronic illness and sleep makes it all the more important for sufferers to prioritise good sleep hygiene as part of their chronic illness management. Ensuring that we are doing everything in our power to get a decent night’s sleep, can help to alleviate symptoms, aid recovery, and improve our already fragile quality of life.

Navigating Through Night-Time Turbulence

So how do we transition from listless nights to serene slumbers? As daunting as it might seem initially, some strategies can assist us suffers on this front.

As someone who suffers from chronic illnesses and chronic pain. below I’m sharing tips I’ve used to achieve healthier sleeping habits

I’ve found that it's important to maintain consistency in your bedtime schedule - even during weekends! This way we train our body’s internal clock (your circadian rhythm) towards predictable sleep patterns.

Create a bedtime wind-down routine, where have a cup of tea, take evening medications and then either do some writing (for my blog) or reading.

Another tip is managing light exposure - encouraging brightness during the daytime while keeping evenings dim-lit (soft lighting) helps signal your brain about impending bedtime.

In addition, wearing an eye mask to block out artificial light can prevent you from falling asleep.

Listen to a relaxation app, one that plays a combination of soft music and gentle voice stories, plays sounds of ocean waves, thunder, rain, etc.

Avoid afternoon naps. Sometimes, if I’m feeling very fatigued. I’ll have a catnap — just long enough to feel rested, but not so long that I’m unable to fall asleep at bedtime.

Handle middle-of-the-night wake-ups

It is likely caused by an overactive mind, although sleep apnoea or pain could be contributing factors.

Avoid checking the time frequently. Looking at the clock can increase your alertness, making it harder for you to fall asleep.

Engage in calming activities for about 30 minutes. You can try colouring books, reading, or listening to audiobooks. Short breathing exercises or meditation can also help promote relaxation.

The Journey to Zzz's

The journey towards better rest isn't a quick route. It requires patience and persistent efforts. You might not see immediate results, but over time, these adjustments could significantly improve your sleep quality amidst battling chronic illness.

Finally, a good night’s sleep is not just a luxury, but a necessity for maintaining overall health - more so when dealing with chronic conditions. With small yet significant steps towards bedtime rituals, reclaiming control over our sleep quality might not be as distant a dream as it appears!

Do you have any sleep time tips you can share?

[nomadicism]

I have unfettered access to nearly any media/entertainment that I could ever want and yet…

I am too [eh?] to enjoy any of it.

I know I’m not the only one dealing with this. Maybe some of y’all are too. Come wallow with me! Tell me what you haven’t finished watching or reading!

I still haven’t finished watching DoTA: Dragon’s Blood s2, haven’t watched LoGH Die Neue These s3 yet, haven’t haven’t watched gen:LOCK s2 yet, haven’t watched any Gundam since part of Iron Blooded Orphans, haven’t watched Trese yet, haven’t finished Heaven Official’s Blessing yet, haven’t the finished Sasuke yet, haven’t watched Yamato 2205…

I’m still excited to see that there will be new animation on Netflix. I hope I will be out of this funk before they drop.

I have time to watch. I want to say it’s depression, but I think it’s more like burnout from environmental overstimulation and chronic pain that’s making it difficult. Like I can’t sit in my favorite chair/couch/etc for hours on end to binge a show or read a book or comic. I’ve always been a marathon reader/player/watcher/etc. My home environment is too cluttered and overwhelming. Too much going on around me. Yay ADHD + Autism.

I met my big life goal of having good career without commute so that I would have time to enjoy things! It’s great! And yet here I am. I have time to do marathon watch/read/play at least once per week. The rest of my free time needs to be put into fixing up my 100 year old home, social/family obligations, and therapy for pain management (for all the good that does me). Chronic pain and fatigue stole my mid-late 30s from me. I’m now in my early 40s and the fatigue is managed/minimal (finally!), but the pain is still a force of chaos in my life—or—rather the manifestation of chaos.

I’ve been like this since late 2018. My solution for watching while in pain was to get an adjustable floor stand for my iPad Pro and watch shows that way. I was able to watch LoGH DNT that way and several other shows. It was working reasonably well, until the pandemic started.

Since 2020, the room where I was watching has been taken over by my partner for watching their shows and playing video games because their comic collecting habit got out of control and took over their own space (media room) in our basement. They work from home now too, and they finally see what it’s like to be surrounded by stuff all the time so they are purging, but that takes a long time.

My home studio is my work space, and the key to not letting work take over your life when you work from home is to have firm boundaries between living space and work space. So I can’t retreat there, and honestly I’m already in that room for 40 hours a week. I may have to give up and rearrange my studio to add a room divider to make a de-sensory space with comfy lounge.

Why did I write all this? Damn therapy hour this morning. I need a drink and a bar fight.

[fowleyes]

headcanon 01 .

before i get started i wanna say i would like to do my best to be careful with these types of headcanons, considering these are real things that affect people daily. full disclosure that i suffer from a chronic autoimmune disease and have no intentions of offending anyone through this post. i simply saw the signs in him, and thought it necessary to incorporate into my portrayal.

that being said: tw for disease , death , blood , chronic illness , and chronic pain will be subject in this post .

alright i've been digging around all last night and all morning like a little gremlin and i found this post ( you CAN read this , but i'm not 100% on board with everything they mentioned so i'm gonna wiggle in my own version here! however, i'd like to put credit where credit is due) whilst trying to put a name to the symptoms itachi exhibits (which we MOSTLY see during his death battle with sasuke) including but not limited to :

blurred / double vision coughing blood chest pain (from the looks of it , it seems quite sharp) shortness of breath limping fatigue

along with this screenshot where "madara" points out that itachi took several medications merely to keep himself alive long enough to die by sasuke's hand and carry out his plan .

that being said, here is the symptom list copied from this site (everything from the site is under a blockquote) :

People who have MPA may feel generally ill and fatigued, have a fever, or a loss of appetite and weight. They usually also have symptoms related to areas of involvement such as rashes, muscle and/or joint pain.

so, this is isn't explicably explained in canon, but i am going to incorporate it more and more into my headcanons and portrayal. it's obvious that by the time of the fight (as well as leading up to it) itachi is unwell. "ill and fatigued" seems to fit the bill quite nicely. regarding his rashes and muscle/joint pain, these are common with a lot of autoimmune illnesses, and i'll say itachi deals with it quite frequently.

he fights it constantly to go about his objectives or even survive his day to day , but there are times when he falters , collapses , can't move , and is forced into rest/recovery mode by his body. this impacts his skill as a shinobi, especially as the disease makes its progression.

When MPA affects the lungs they may have shortness of breath or cough up of blood. MPA affecting the nerves may cause an abnormal sensation followed by numbness or loss of strength. Any combination of these symptoms may be present.

i'll not get too rowdy with this one since it's presented clear as day in canon as you can see his body start to shut down. ( examples : x & x ) but the idea of numbness also makes a lot of sense to me and the loss of strength becomes obvious .

here is another excerpt from this site describing the effects of MPA on the lungs.

Lung involvement can be a dramatic and life-threatening manifestation of MPA. When lung disease takes the form alveolar hemorrhage – bleeding from the small capillaries that are in contact with the lungs’ microscopic air sacs – the condition may quickly pose a threat to the patient’s respiratory status (and therefore to the patient’s life). Alveolar hemorrhage, which is frequently heralded by the coughing up of blood, occurs in approximately 12% of patients with MPA .

--

Kidney disease caused by MPA often doesn’t produce symptoms. Inflammation of the kidney may not be apparent to the patient until the kidneys begin to stop working. So it’s very important for the provider, in dealing with any form of vasculitis, to always examine the urine.

& here's another headcanon piece to work off of. not much to say on it considering the symptoms are silent, so it's not as if itachi would be aware it's happening, but who's to say this didn't have anything to do with his death tbh.

ALSO , all of this being said , i don't think itachi was ever officially diagnosed with this. obviously he knew he was ill and was doing his best to combat his illness by seeking what treatment he could, but without a proper diagnosis or the exact type of medication needed, ofc it would contribute to his ultimate downfall.

AND ANYWAY THIS POST GOT TOO DAMN LONG AND I STILL HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND THINGS TO SAY but i will stop typing now and proceed with my drafts bc i have work in 2 hours .

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I loved your GuardianCorp from forever ago of Lena dealing with chronic pain post-poisoning. So maybe something of her still dealing with that when Lex comes back with a possible hint of GuardianCorp? You’re the reason I started realizing they could be a good ship ❤️ if only you wrote the show instead ://

James screeched to a stop outside Lena’s building, his heart in his throat. He’d done this before, once upon a time, and found Lena curled in agony on her bathroom floor. Now, after a garbled voicemail from Lena, he refused to consider what he might find now. Charging into the elevator, James jabbed the button for Lena’s penthouse, then pressed the doors closed before anyone else could join him. As the car rose, James called Lena again on his cell-- again, the line went straight to voicemail.

“Hi, you’ve reached--”

“Come on, come on, come on!”

The doors finally opened, and James used his key to let himself in the front door, bracing himself for the chaos his mind had conjured for him. But instead of a ransacking, he found Lena’s apartment in perfect order, immaculate as ever. He found no pools of blood, no food left untouched on the kitchen counter. The only thing missing was Lena herself.

“Lena?” His voice seemed to echo with how empty the place was.

Moving towards the bedroom, he found it even darker than the living room, with the blinds and curtains both shut tight against the light. Blindly, he reached for the light switch. When the overhead light blazed on, a lumpy shape on the bed constricted with a pitiful whimper. He flipped it off again in an instant, plunging the room back into shadows.

Moving to Lena’s bedside, he saw first a shock of dark hair against the pillow, then Lena’s eyes scrunched tight with pain. He knelt, careful not to jostle the mattress.

“Hey,” he said softly, combing the hair from her face.

Lena pried her eyes open to the narrowest slivers, her features clouding with bleary confusion. “James?”

“I got your message.”

Her brow furrowed in consternation. “Shouldn’t have come…”

The words slurred together, and James slowly put the pieces together. “Migraine?”

Lena was prone to them, for as long as he’s known her, and James had helped her through a few already. This one, however, seemed worse than anything he’d seen before. But Lena shut her eyes. “Lex…”

James’ blood chilled.

Lex Luthor may present himself as the world’s best hero, but Lena had shared enough for James to know the danger that lurks beneath the congenial smiles and grand promises-- a danger that seemed to focus itself entirely on Lena.

“What did he do? Lena--”

“Metha-- methahexital…”

James cursed inwardly. He didn’t recognize the name, but he knew a drug when he heard it, and knew better than to believe Lex was above drugging his own sister. There was a reason Lena refused to meet with Lex alone outside of LuthorCorp. James filed the knowledge away before turning his focus back to the symptoms before him. Whatever the cause, a migraine was a migraine, and a migraine he knows what to do with.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” he said finally, cupping the back of her head with a gentle hand. “Don’t move, okay? I’ve got you.”

Climbing back to his feet, James headed first to the kitchen for a glass of cool, not cold water, then to the bathroom where he dampened a washcloth with cool water. After shaking a couple of Lena’s migraine pills into his palm he returned to the bedroom with bounty in hand.

“Can you take these?” he asked softly. Lena’s eyes opened, struggling to focus. James didn’t reach for her until he noticed her trying to sit up, fighting against fatigue and dizziness until James hooked an arm around her shoulders and helped prop her up. She swallowed the pills with long gulps of water as James watched patiently; he put the cup aside when she finally relinquished it. When he offered her the cool compress, she pressed it against her eyes with both hands, another small whimper deep in her throat.

She sat like that for long minutes, until she finally lowered the compress to her squint at James through the pain and low light.

“I’m sorry I--” She cut herself off, wobbly voice shifting into a tearful sniffle. She wiped her eyes. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

In the years since they’ve been dating, James has gotten used to apologies. Lena’s gotten better about accepting help, but asking for it still tripped her up, her toes catching on the ingrained Luthor tradition of suffering in silence. Every time, Jame told her the same thing.

“You never have to apologize for calling me,” James said, “you know that.”

Lena wiped her eyes again. She didn’t respond.

“I’m here for you, babe,” he continued, pressing a kiss to her sweat damp forehead. “No matter what.”

The affection made Lena freeze, her entire body gone rigid as she stared at him. James froze as well, uncertain what he had done wrong. But before he could ask, Lena’s eyes filled with tears that quickly spilled over.

“Lena--”

James reached for her, but Lena pulled away, covering her mouth against the ragged breath of a sob. Unable to do anything else, James reached again, and this time Lena allowed him to wrap his arms around, holding her silently as she sobbed into the fabric of his shirt. When the tears faded, James helped Lena lay back down, then pressed the compress against the back of her neck while his free arm threaded between her neck and the pillow, spooning her gently the way that usually helped her feel a little less miserable. Lena’s hand curled around his wrist the way it always does, and James knows he’s done something right.

“Y’shouldn’t be so nice t’me,” Lena mumbled. James could tell the meds were beginning to kick in-- between them and the crying jag, Lena felt boneless beside him, her words slurring with imminent sleep. Even so, James grins into her hair.

“I’m not allowed to be nice to my own girlfriend? Since when is that a rule?”

Lena’s fingers tightened on his wrist, almost tight enough to hurt. When she didn’t say anything, James nuzzled into her neck, compress and all. “What is it, baby?”

“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

The whisper came thready and breathless, as though Lena were on the verge of new tears.

“What do you mean?”

Lena sniffled wetly. “There’s two people inside me… I don’t know which one is real anymore…”

James closed his eyes, savoring every aspect of her that he had: her body, curled against his; her hair, tickling his face and neck; her fingers, wrapped around his wrist. Whatever doubts Lena had, James only had certainty: whoever Lena was, he loved her. He would spend the rest of his life with her, if he could only buck up the courage to tell her. Soon, maybe, but not today.

Today, all he said was:

“Sleep. The rest will come later. I promise.”

//prompts are closed

[fruity-juicy-33]

7 Holistic Habits Toward a Healthier Lifestyle

Are you being present, mindful, and paying attention to your mental and physical health?

Most of my clients come to me feeling depressed, anxious, and lacking energy to the point that they are challenged both mentally and physically.

Would you be willing to listen if I told you that you might be able to control or prevent all of the above by paying attention to what you put in, on, and around you?

Our society promotes instant gratification and quick fixes but this may not be the smartest or most productive way to accomplish one’s goals. It’s like taking pills to relieve pain and discomfort; it only deals with the symptoms rather than addressing the source of the problem.

In my mid 30s I was too busy concentrating on reaching for my goals instead of paying attention to good nutrition, stress management, and proper rest. I only became proactive after I was in significant pain and almost bedridden. I was living with a handful of issues: Aspartame poisoning from all the diet drinks that kept me moving; Fibromyalgia from the foods, chemicals, and environmental toxins in my life; Chronic Fatigue from the stress I held in my body. I was frustrated and depressed, desperately going from doctor to doctor taking whatever medication was prescribed and still not feeling well. Finally, I stopped to think about my grandmother who came to this country in her late 20s from a farm in Hungary. She birthed nine children, had a healthy life without medications or physical ailments, and passed away at the ripe age of 99. It occurred to me that her eating fresh whole foods, using products with minimal toxins, and taking that one-day of rest might have contributed to her healthy longevity. My own health only got better when I decided to take responsibility for my own wellness and pay attention to what I put in, on, and around my body.

"Our society promotes instant gratification and quick fixes, but this may not be the smartest or most productive way to accomplish one's goals."

You don’t have to get sick like I did before paying attention to your wellness. There is enough help and information available to ensure you take care of yourself in a positive and productive way. What would you do as a businessperson if your product or business were not up to par? You would, most likely, do research and take the time and effort needed to resolve the problem. Take on the challenge and make your body and mind as important as your business and discover just how much more productive and successful you can be.

Here are some guidelines to help you on your journey toward wellness.

Go back to basics and choose the following:

Whole foods in their natural state or organic options as much as possible; this will help you avoid toxins, chemicals, preservatives, hormones, pesticides, food colorings, and MSG

Fresh fruits and raw vegetables that are full of natural enzymes for easy digestion and absorption of nutrients

Natural sugars and sweeteners

Products for your hair and body with the most purity and smallest amount of chemicals

BPA-free containers and cans

Filtered water for drinking and bathing

A good night’s sleep (consistently!)

Choose to avoid:

Packaged and canned foods

Foods genetically modified or engineered

High fructose corn syrup and diet sugars such as Aspartame (also known as NutraSweet and Equal). Both are known to be the most toxic sugar substitutes

Microwaving foods (radiating) and killing the nutrition and enzymes that are needed for digestion

Products for your hair, body, and skin –your largest organ – which absorbs whatever you put on it. Pay attention to the ingredients in shampoos, deodorants, sunscreens, cosmetics, skincare, and body care products that have carcinogenic ingredients such as fragrances, aluminum, mineral oil, sulfates, parabens, polyethylene glycol, propylene glycol, isopropyl alcohol, and talc.

Toothpaste with warning labels on it that state “call poison control if swallowed.”

High electromagnetic fields (EMFs) like power lines and small electronics such as computers, cell phones, electric clocks, and electric blankets

Upholstered furniture and bedding containing PFC’s flame retardant

Carpets and particleboard furniture containing formaldehyde

Upholstered furniture and bedding containing PFC’s flame retardant

Plastic wrap and plastic bottles outgas plasticizers (phthalates) that leach into the food

Silver dental fillings that contain mercury which leaches into the body

I have included the above as I feel it is important for you to be aware of some of the chemicals and ingredients in the products you use daily and what is in your environment that is toxic for your wellbeing. Some of the above products even have alternative uses such as extending shelf life, dissolving car grease and oil, and can be classified as pesticides and antifreeze for industrial use. Studies are showing that these ingredients may permanently damage cells, tissues and organs and body systems and therefore are creating disease.

Statistics show that we are living longer so choose to be proactive and strive to achieve a healthy mind and body. Start small and make a point of changing something every day that will lead to a healthier you. Spring into wellness by being conscious with what you put in, on and around your body.

[incurableoptimistest1994]

Hi. I do my best to live my life to the fullest, to see the good in every day. But sometimes I think I put far too much pressure on myself to always be that positive, upbeat person, especially online. And the reality is, I can’t. I also am very much my mother’s daughter; I feel like it’s my job to try and support everyone (“you can’t save the whole world” mam said to me yesterday). But sometimes I need to let people support me. At the moment I’m really struggling. I am living with the most awful fatigue. I forget sometimes that chronic fatigue is a part of my condition, because when I’m well I just kinda ignore it. But right now it is overwhelming me. Every breath, every movement, takes monumental effort. I feel like I’ve got weights attached to my limbs and I’m trying to walk through syrup. And it’s not just physical fatigue; it’s mental, too. And this exhaustion means I do not have the mental energy to deal with my usual chronic pain; a 6 feels like an 8, simply because I do not have the resources to deal with it. I’m exhausted, and I’m really grumpy. I’m so frustrated; my head wants to do All The Things… but my body refuses to cooperate. I’m also very aware I’m being grumpy and sharp with everyone, and I hate it, but I can’t stop it. I do feel a bit better today after having a very big cry yesterday (think sobbing in mum’s arms for a good hour). I’d been holding in that cry for days, and getting it out of my system was like easing the pressure on a pot about to boil over. There is not a lot we can do except continue to try and find the delicate balance between being active enough to improve my wellness, and resting enough to not send myself into a relapse. The possibility of a relapse scares me, I won’t lie. I guess I just need you guys to be especially kind and understanding; I may not reply to messages with my usual verve, not because I’m ignoring you, but because I don’t have the energy to engage like I usually do. I need support (something I’m not very good at accepting or asking for). And most of all, I’m going to try and follow my palliative care consultant’s favourite advice; be kind to myself and my body 💛 https://www.instagram.com/p/CT_udQENd-I/?utm_medium=tumblr

[v8pontiacgirl]

04July2021

I’m still in shock that issues are likely caused by horrible allergies that are likely caused by mold in my house. Due to memory issues, I decided to make a timeline of the last six years, when this started.

September 2015–moved into the house. I was working full time, going to school full time and experiencing allergy issues, such as a sore throat, headaches, and very dry eyes (to the point that I was no longer able to wear my contacts). I actually kept getting allergic conjunctivitis, so I switched to my glasses full time. I’d been able to wear contacts for about 15 years without issues prior to this.

February 2016–injured my knee and found out I had a discoid lateral meniscus with a tear that was hanging up in my knee joint. It took months to get any kind of relief for my knee because the tear didn’t initially show up on the MRI, and because discoid meniscus issues usually show up earlier in life if they are going to be a problem, I wasn’t taken seriously. During this time, I was having issues working because of pain and inability to walk. Also started having more issues with being harassed at work by coworkers. I began to work less and less until I finally quit in September. I had already finished out school in June. I would have had to transfer to a community college two hours away to continue my degree in the fall, and since my knee was being problematic, I decided to hold off.

October 2016–Had my knee surgery. About a week or two afterwards, I got my first vertigo spell (although I didn’t realize it was vertigo at the time). This would become the first of many instances that I would deal with “flares” that would make functioning very difficult for me.

October 2016-March 2017–Some days were better than others. I went to the doctor and blood work and many tests were done. My thyroid levels fluctuated a little, but ultimately seemed ok eventually. Everything else looked normal, except my white blood cell count was always elevated. I was told I was perfectly healthy. The dizziness? It was POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), a chronic illness that I had been diagnosed with in 2005 that honestly had never given me too many issues in the past, as long as I stayed hydrated and ate salty foods. I was given some common POTS meds to help me retain water, but, as medications typically do not agree with me, I had too many side effects and was unable to take them.

April 2017-August 2017–I’d been feeling better for about a month (since March), and I was anxious to be back in school. Culinary school had caught my eye a few months prior, so I signed up for the spring cohort. I was in the evening cohort, and I was realizing that my allergies were being aggravated by *something*, so my mornings from 7am to noon were spent cleaning, and from noon to about 8pm, were spent at school. I was able to complete two terms of culinary school. There was to be about a little over a month break from the middle of August to the end of September before fall term began. I went to California in August after finishing Summer term for a few days to visit friends. After returning, I started to feel like I was going into another “flare”. Gradually, my health got worse and worse.

September 2017-February 2018–by the end of September, when it was time to go back to culinary school, I was bedridden. The vertigo was so bad that I was unable to do anything except remain horizontal. For about six months again, my health was unbearable and I was unable to function.

March-April 2018–I finally began to feel a little better in March and April (also around the time when I started to get outside to do more garden things), and decided that I would try to go back to culinary school for summer term (the cohorts had changed because of a new director, and so there were classes I could take toward my degree). It’s really interesting that my heath was generally better the more I was able to get out of the house.

June 2018-August 2018—I was doing a lot of outdoor garden things in the afternoons and going to school for several hours every morning. I was even hired to help cater a wedding in August. My health seemed mostly under control, with only minor symptoms.

September 2018-December 2018—The end of September, I began my fourth term of culinary school. I also joined the culinary team, so pretty much all of my time was spent at school, even most of December, when the other students went home for break, I stayed at school trying to perfect my dish for competition. I was fatigued, but my health was mostly stable.

January 2019–After a *very* brief break, I was back in school for one whole day of winter term. I was definitely feeling fatigued because I hadn’t really gotten a break (and probably, in hindsight, because my allergies had really worn me down, too), and I was told by the coach that he was kicking me off the team because he was concerned my health problems would hold the team back, and he wanted to win. My health had not been an issue that he had seen at all, but he just thought it was too much of a risk to keep me. If I wouldn’t have disclosed that I had health problems when I tried out for team, I don’t think this would have happened. Anyway, I was pretty angry, especially after all the time I’d put in. Since the coach was also the director of the school, and there had also been an issue with the instructor quitting and a new instructor having to take over at the end of the last term, I decided that this culinary school really wasn’t worth my time or money any longer, so I quit. Immediately after, I bought the rest of the books that I would have needed for school and began to teach myself techniques with sugar and chocolate. I decided I was going to start focusing more seriously on Spoon Life Bakery, my cottage bakery business that I had started in July 2017.

February 2019-March 2020—I was the most busy I’d been in a while. Garden projects, baking projects, and painting projects took up all my time. From August 2019 to the beginning of March 2020, I was more busy than I wanted to be with my short lived restaurant project. The restaurant actually opened in October, but there was a lot of prep work prior. All of this kept me out of the house for most of the day. I was exhausted, but not symptomatic. Basically, during this time period, I was either outside, or at another location for the majority of the time. During the rainy months (December 2019-March 2020), the basement of the house flooded. It had always been musty and damp down there, but it had never flooded like that.

March-May 2020—I closed the restaurant in March, and began to be at home a lot more often. I started going hard with Spoon Life Bakery again, baking out of my home kitchen. I got back into Jiu Jitsu. I was doing ok, but by May, I started to feel like something wasn’t right again.

May-December 2020—My health “flared” a little during this time. It wasn’t as bad overall as it had been, but some days were better than others. Some days the vertigo made me bedridden. It was unpredictable. In May, I had to quit Jiu Jitsu again because I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t have the stamina to keep doing it.

January-May 2021–I’d had enough descent days that I decided to try to try to go back to Jiu Jitsu, or rather, a self defense class based on Jiu Jitsu. This class ran twice a week through March, and I was able to keep up and not miss a class. The basement flooded again, so we moved the dehumidifier into the storage room where the majority of the water was coming in. After self defense was over, I started regular jiu jitsu again in April, but felt much more exhausted than usual. My vertigo was getting worse to the point that it was always present. I took a break from Jiu Jitsu again in May.

May-June 2021—My throat was so sore, that I thought I had tonsillitis. My left ear was plugged. I felt like I was getting sick with some sort of virus, except it went on for weeks without getting better. I saw an ENT in mid June. He thought maybe I had Meniere’s, but didn’t officially diagnose me, since I needed to get a hearing test, which is scheduled for this month, and at the time of writing this has not happened yet. Other than that, he didn’t see anything else that alerted him. Soon after, I began to get very sick with horrible vertigo. I was bedridden again.

July 2021–Until the 2nd, I was in an absolutely horrible flare that had lasted without relief for about two weeks. I was convinced that this was just my life now, and in desperation, I called the doctor. She told me to come in that same day. Normally, I don’t leave the house when I’m feeling my worst. I had to keep laying down at the doctor’s because my vertigo was so bad. The doctor performed her usual tests, and looked in my nose. She informed me that it was very inflamed and swollen and she wasn’t sure how I was able to breathe out of it. I admitted that every morning, my nose is stuffed up pretty badly. She prescribed the Montelukast, that I’m unable to take because of side effects, and told me that she really thinks that allergies are causing my vertigo because the ear nose and throat are all connected. At first, I was discouraged with this diagnosis, because I felt like she was brushing off my symptoms. *Just* allergies?! I couldn’t believe allergies could cause such severe symptoms.

We made a few more stops after visiting the doctor, and when I’d been out of the house for about an hour and a half, I miraculously started feeling a little better. What?? Was the doctor right? I knew my house was probably triggering my allergies, but I didn’t think it was *that* bad.

Getting out of the house for two hours brought me out of one of my worst flairs. I’m now about 99.9% that mold in my house, specifically the basement, is making me sick. I’m going to keep testing this to be sure, but I’m now filled with some hope that I may be able to lead a much less depressing life. Time will tell.