#i made this more than a week ago

[xereiux]

And here I come again,

I rrreally want to keep drawing qsmp stuff, I have sooo many ideas, designs i want to make and sooo little time its unreal.

I also want to practice color and rendering but AGAIN, TIME.

[nebuladreamz]

IT'S FINALLY FUCKING OUT AND I CAN FINALLY POST THIS!!!! (Go watch it NOW)

Thank you so much to @ohno-the-sun for hosting the map, this was the most fun first experience I've had with being a part of one :D

[starridge]

were you the og banana twink bill artist???

of specifically that design yeah o7 but not tumblr sexyman bill if thats what you mean

[tomaturtles]

Happy Campus Apocalypse volume 1 16th anniversary here's something to celebrate

[taylorswiftshipsbyler]

yippee little byler sketch

I'm like halfway through coloring it digitally so I'll probably post that at some point

[seldomsee]

ok not to be a hater but

They replaced this really cool moment where Khun recognizes Bam through his vocal tic of calling everyone Mr. or Ms. with this generic line

for no reason that I can comprehend

[artsy-1diot]

firesetter that I keep finding excuses to post for and then forgetting

[aliusfrater]

sam's early seasons anger is his response to the trauma obtained within the (non)family unit that is john-dean-sam, but most importantly, it's his response to the abuse john had inflicted upon both himself and dean, and it's very often on behalf of dean, who in his own codependent dynamic with john as a parentified child, non-pathologised john's abusive actions and was unable to form any kind of significant pushback against john's abuse. john's abuse is grief and emotion projected outwards onto dean, a child, the son, who gains the unjust responsibility of having to manage his father's emotions. sam refuses to be like dean and cater himself to john largely because he, through his Othering and detachment within his family and hunting, is able to view john's actions as what it is—abuse. he acknowledges this in over and over season one both with reference to the fact that what happened to them was 'not normal' and with specific reference of why john's actions are abuse—"you were just pissed you couldn't control me anymore!" he expresses his refusal to fold into the same mould that dean has through anger, first through character-typical malicious compliance, in which he asks questions he knows he is entitled to (and generally believes in arming oneself with information, due to both the chronic lack of information john and dean had provided him with as a child (3.08)) but knows john will view as disrespect (due to the fact that it strays from the codependent role that dean has folded himself into on john's behalf; he does what he's told and asks no questions, though is generally awarded more information due to his parentification) and then through argumentative behaviour. both john and dean frame john and sam's arguments as sam's fault but this is the most encapsulating abusive aspect of it—john's (the parent) response to sam (the son) is not sam's responsibility.

i don't think his revenge is encapsulated by his anger; his revenge comes from their familial idealistic response to grief, and anger is a part of grief, rather than the other way around. instead of processing this grief, it's channeled into revenge. it's a foundation of hunting for a lot of hunters, which is both a literal and metaphorical representation of the cycle of abuse (and when it isn't hunting, it's represented in blood (re: men of letters)). his conflict with lilith isn't wholly about his revenge for dean's death, especially after dean is resurrected. i think it's more so related to my interpretation of sam's character conflict for that season being that of rejecting what the codependent dynamic of his and dean's relationship¹ had become by season three in favour of his own independence; his conflict with lilith and how ruby plays into this conflict began with revenge then became the nucleus of his rebellion against dean (which does include anger²). he acknowledges this directly in season five—"dean, one of the reasons i went off with ruby... was to get away from you. [...] it made me feel strong. like i wasn't your kid brother."—but it doesn't help that both ruby and the angels were actively encouraging this conflict between sam and lilith largely because of the fact that it 1) re: ruby—represented a course of agency for sam outside of dean and presented an opportunity for her own manipulation of sam (she filled in a dean-like role in the sense that she catered to everything sam wanted the actual dean to be doing for him—namely the acceptance of his monstrosity—while presenting him with a facade of independence), and 2) re: ruby and the angels—provided them with a pawn to break the final seal by dressing up the idea of lilith as free of negative consequence through the omission of information (according to both the angels and ruby, lilith was the one who had to complete breaking of the final seal. to sam, killing lilith was morally righteous).

²i do think that sam has a general undercurrent, simmering, and oftentimes outward yet compartmentalised anger that he utilises within his own agency outside of his relationship with john then dean. however, i do think that the very core of it is more related to his Othering, monstrosity, and the loss of control that he feels when his environment responds to his monstrosities. sam admits to this as well—4.16, "well, get angry." / 5.11, "most of the time, i can hide it, but... i am angry. i'm mad at everything. i used to be mad at you and dad, then lilith, now it's lucifer, and i make excuses. i blame ruby or the demon blood, but it's not their fault. it's not them. it's me. it's inside me. i'm mad… all the time... and i don't know why."—and something that really intrigues me about the latter admission is the event preceding it: he's tied to a bed (much like the conditions of the panic room) and his anger is victim blamed with explicit reference to his monstrosity. "you are far too angry to be out there in the real world," is a very pointed and crazy ass line on the 'we kill monsters who fall out of line and into our line of sight' show directly after the season in which he perceivably became the 'them' within the 'us vs them' metaphorical equation. the people that sam bring up are also representations of either his Othering, a loss of control, or his explicit monstrosity. his anger began with his father's abuse and continued long after his death when he passed control of sam's life over to dean who, through his inability to properly handle the past responsibility of parentification, perpetuated it into this request made by john which clashed with dean's existing ideas of monstrosity; sam's existence outside of the existing dichotomy of hunting prompted the stretching of this dichotomy to fit sam (dean’s season two conflict re: sam) rather than the destruction and rewriting of the dichotomy itself and in that way, sam still ended up othered within his existence as a threat to the upturning of their familial hunting beliefs. ruby and lilith (as well as azazel) represent the pretence of control just as much as they represent his unknowing grappling for control (addiction) as well as his monstrosity due to how he employed his monstrosity within his conflicts with them while lucifer represents an entire loss or both perceived or preconceived control—both the idea of sam's monstrosity in an inherent sense, as well as sam's complete lack of control are cemented with lucifer's existence just as much as the preparation (azazel's plans, and it does intrigue me that azazel isn't listed here) leading up to it.

it's foundational to my interpretation of sam that he believes that his monstrosity predated his explicit narrative monstrosity due to the abuse—neglect and isolation most importantly—he experienced as a child and the resulting guilt complex that he's left with, which he then encapsulates within the revelation of his unwilling/unknowing ingestion of demon blood as a baby and i think that with every complex-reinforcing factor that introduces itself into his life, he weaponises/quite simply falls back on his response (anger) to the most original grooming, abuse, and explicit example of a loss of control and Othering in his life—the john-dean-sam dynamic, with an explicit emphasis on john (kind of in a similar way to my idea of dean's reaction to a loss of relationship control, which is to begin recreating the same dynamic). a lot of it comes down to the fact that while he is angry on behalf of himself at these structures—familial, patriarchal, hunting, cycles (of abuse, grief)—he exists within but are both othered and controlled by, the general narrative and sam-dean relationship dynamic pushback against his response to this aspect of his character being that of both adding his response to reasons for/blatant instances of his othering as well as using his response to facilitate the realigning of his non-position within these structures, creates a self-deprecating loop of guilt and results in an anger at himself that echoes exactly the way that these structures demand that his identity be compartmentalised through. basically, it spells either ‘there is something inherently illicit about me. i need information/forgiveness/change (in that order)' or the usage of both this feeling as well as his perceived monstrosity/aspect that he is othered as a result of as agency as seen in season four, five, six, and season eight, is extended onto dean in season eleven, then jack in seasons thirteen through fifteen.

ultimately, these structures' facilitation of sam's non-role involves the depletion of sam's anger and results in his later-seasons characterision that is best (but not wholly) encapsulated within 7.17, "get pissed!" / "i'm too tired," especially when the circumstances of sam's response—in regards to the fact that dean has resouled sam despite his (5.22 and soulless!sam's) explicit doubled lack of consent against it, and while creating the issue that is sam's psychosis, has restored sam/sammy's rightful narrative place within his non-role—not only serve as a perfect example for the abuse dynamics of his and dean's relationship and how it facilitates sam's non-role within said relationship as well as the structures that this relationship is encapsulated by, it also serves as a perfect example for exactly how sam's anger worked, what its purpose was, as well as exactly how and why its depletion facilities his complete assimilation into these structures' atmospheres of abuse. the Whole topic of sam's later-seasons lack of anger (or anger when utilised) is an entirely different post, though.

¹specifically relating to 1) identity and monstrosities relating compartmentalised through the ‘us vs them’ dichotomy of hunting and how it manifests into a relationship dynamic where sam is dean's little brother, sammy, put on a pedestal of innocence because his innocence became dean's responsibility within his parentification and any indication of sam's monstrosity, as something evil encroaching upon Sammy, is therefore viewed a personal failing despite the unequivocal place it holds within sam’s being, 2) and 3).

[whatawonderart]

did anyone else like. watch the gnome run finale and go "hey that was great" and then forget about it for a few months and then suddenly you remembered it and realized that this was one of the most impressive creative projects you've ever witnessed or was it just me

[harbingersecho]

countless days pass by immeasurably;

anniversaries gutter in the maelstrom

[crescentfool]

🌊🌸

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut

meronia event prompt(s): scar

[chinzhilla]

We've been waiting for this moment, the moment to prove to everyone that we're not losers like they think we are. Let's do it. Let's not waste all of the BBQ pork we've eaten!

for @userdramas event 13 » team spirit and @asiandramanet jan/feb creator bingo » free choice

+bonus:

[spockandawe]

Okay, it's not a good *wallet* habit, but i highly recommend cultivating a stress response of acquiring a new niche hobby. Work is hard? New hobby! Never enough hours in the day to do important things? NEW HOBBY. It's a flawless solution, don't even worry. I have no idea how long I'm going to be preoccupied with this, because I'm accelerating but have no gauge for max speed, but straw marquetry time

[papermonkeyism]

Found a dried up violet in a customer return box at work, and took the liberty of decorating my pocket notebook with it.

[ribbonpinky-art]

sideyshowy bobby