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⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀♪ ⠀for ⠀lovꫀrs ⠀✿ ᵕ‿‿ᵕ ✿ ⊹ ۫
#❖ ☽ ₊ h-jini#loc by giraisol#div by thetaey#im back..#did u miss me#you guys are about to get FED tho i'm making a lot of mbs rn#i made this ages ago i love it#mini moodboard#haneul moodboard#won haneul moodboard#kiss of life moodboard#kiof moodboard#lamp moodboard#red moodboard#indie moodboard#retro moodboard#moodboard#kpop moodboard#aesthetic#aesthetic moodboard#kpop icons#haneul icons#kiss of life icons#kiof icons#clean moodboard#random moodboard#alternative moodboard#haneul kiss of life moodboard#kpop gg icons#kpop gg moodboard
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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part black mask practice page part redesign of minor elements that i wanted to do differently bc i draw them differently as is... leaning into, like, dark court jester opposed to joker. straight jacket belts. feeling encased in their suit. etc.
#goro akechi#dork art#love bm so much....#made a ppst ages ago on twt abt how nice it is to see a lot of bm art now in different ways#vs i feel u only rlly got some angsty bm engine room art back in the day n it used to make me sad#not that im any better but i need to draw fluffy akcs in general lol
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𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘫𝘬 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴: (119/?)
#btsedit#btsgif#jungkookedit#dailybts#usersky#userpat#userines#userdimple#usersevn#raplineuser#uservans#annietrack#underbetelgeuse#rjshope#usermaggie#usermizuoka#*mine#*jkseries#jungkook#i made these ages ago & boy does it show#we love shifting lighting in performances we really do :)#anyway hi ya'll knew this was coming#this lives in the hall of fame of his best looks#and yes i had to include one of these gifs in particular#wouldn't be right if i didn't all things considered#however did he need to do all of......that? no absolutely not
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Speedwagon is best girl
#myart#chloesimagination#doodles#jojo bizarre adventure#jjba fanart#jjba#speedwagon#robert eo speedwagon#phantom blood#JoJo part 1#patreon#patreon request#I’ve been meaning to redraw this fem design I made ages ago#can thank my patrons for this!!#I just know she’s lovely to be around
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HONDA x MARC: you don't have to go home. there's a long way to go.
#marc marquez#motogp#motogpedit#bynadya#n.mov#made it ages ago and re-edited it while waiting for the arsenal game to start lol...... also to distract myself from daniils result :((#i fear i could never love a rider the way i loved hondamarc..... not even post 2023 marc himself......#but yeah.... what was the saying again? dont cry bc it's over smile bc it happened etc etc??#anyway honda marc :) thank u for some of the fun and best decade of my life :) so glad to witness it and experience it <3
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(hands u a domestic hudson sketch)... Take this.......... for the journey...............
#house md#johan's scrapbook#MADE THIS A COUPLE WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! IM DEFINITELY GONNA COLOR AND RENDER IT ONCE MY EXAMS FINISH#Super swamped w work rn ;;; but i missed posting and i miss house md and i miss my stupid middle aged comfort throuple#just wanted to get this sketch out there....... ive been sitting on it for ages....... they js mean alot to me idk..........#Guess whos mugs are whose 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#OHMYGOD ITS ALSO MY ONE YEAR HOUSEMDVERSARY!!!!!!!! A WHOLE YEAR SINCE I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE#IM SO GENUINELY GRATEFUL TO BE HERE YOU ALL ARE SO FUNNY AND ENDEARING AND SMART#U guys be meta-ing it up the wazoo and i love u for it.......#LOVELY COMMUNITY!!!!!! YOU GUYS ROCK#hudson#house md fanart#gregory house#james wilson#lisa cuddy
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I've had Ludovicas girlfriend on the brain for months and finally sketched her out. I see her as the opposite to machete in that she has dark colours and softer shapes. Her ears and facefur kinda blend together and she gets big soft browneyes..
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#you've had Ludovica's girlfriend stuck in your brain for months??#oh no now I feel kind of bad about being so vague and noncommittal about her design and personality and everything#I should've made up my mind ages ago#I like her expression here#she looks like a calm and quiet but no nonsense type of lady#at least to me I mean#I'd love to make her uniformly black/dark grey#but I know from experience that it would make her facial details and expressions hard to see#it's entirely possible to make it work but it takes some extra effort#adding even a small focal point (some kind of marking or lighter eyes for example) to anchor the viewer's attention helps a lot#I'm rambling sorry#I think about her often but keep going in circles#but the same thing happened with Ludovica and her design so I'm optimistic that this one will sort itself out eventually as well#I'm flattered ypu find her interesting! I promise I'm working on it#gift art#featherfrond#own characters
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wheres my post canon adult lost contact with old friends lowkey depressed teru at
#i love me some high school sweethearts but i also love me some monotones gray empty teru#only cuz i love him so much ok??#mob psycho 100#mp100#teruki hanazawa#shigeo kageyama#terumob#metukikart#teru: yeah i uhm (avoids saying anything about what hes been up to lately cuz its nothing) i mean i laid on the snow the other day!#and forgot to get up for 2 hours and i made faces at a kid at the train a week ago and i ate an entire sundae in three bites three weeks ag#mob: i see!
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#gotta post those memes i made ages ago somewhere#i love Rose but Martha and Mickey deserved better#doctor who#doctor who meme#doctor who memes#tenth doctor#rose tyler#tenrose
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transcript under cut:
Paul: Hi, I'm Paul John: Hi Paul, I'm John Paul: I like your mouth- uh I mean your voice John: Thanks, I like your mouth too Paul: We should hang out some time John: By hang out do you mean stare into each others eyes and write love songs? Paul: yes John: okay
#mclennon#mclennon day#woolton fete#made this ages ago#found it a couple of months back#literally no idea why I decided to animate it instead of making a good honest text post#I think I'd already cut John out and then wasn't sure what to do with him?#anyway#it is the best day of the year#much love to all who celebrate
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wish more ppl in the timkon tag understood the concept of "best friends to lovers" 😩 where's my "years' worth of stupid inside jokes referenced at the worst moments just to make each other giggle" nonsense. where's the bone-deep understanding and knowing of each other. the ease and relaxation in each other's presence. the "i know how your head works without you having to tell me" of it all. where's the "no one knows me better than you. how could it be anyone but you" of it all!!!
#rimi talks#also i will say. timkonbart as well. bart is just so very aro to me so these dont apply in a romantic sense to him. but they DO apply#i just love best friends to lovers. they are best friends to lovers!!! where is it!!!!#why do so many timkon fics and posts read like theyre two people who just met 4 months ago and are still trying to get to know each other.#[extremely loud incorrect buzzer] thats not it!!!#the only thing that happened 4 months ago is tim made an embarrassing typo texting kon while half asleep.#and kon is STILL making fun of him for it.#yeah tim? was the grink there?#but like. theyve known each other since they were ~15 (yknow. rough ages bc kons age is hard to pin down. etc.)#theyve been through countless near death situations together#they ironed out the rough spots in their relationship in the yj days......#like bffr kon knew that man like the back of his hand by graduation day.#i think they kinda know each other pretty well by this point 💀#timkon
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I'm coming for MAPPA's necks bc what the actual fuck is wrong with them
#they weren't kidding when they said they'd add anime only sequences bc H U H!!??#i don't remember him biting a fish in the manga bc if i did i would've made so many fish thirst statements ages ago#MAPPA....imma statngle y'all [out of horniness love]#that's how i want him to bite me like idk????#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˖⁺‧₊˚🎐˚₊‧⁺˖ 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen season 2#jjk#jjk s2#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk spoilers#toji#toji fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen toji#fushiguro toji#toji zenin#daddy toji#dilf toji#jujutsu kaisen anime
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get fucked everyone.png
#one piece#sanji#I also made a post ages ago with this same scene from the manga with the same caption#GOD I love this scene so much#AND this post is coming out on my birthday! what a nice present to myself#I didn't even mean to do that#but I'm glad the queue lined it up that way
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Howdy hello- guess who made a wings au :)
More to come with this eventually- I’m working on my designs for other characters at the moment, but for now we’ve got Red-Tailed Hawk for Curt and Eagle Owl for Owen.
For DMA I had Barn Owl wings because a) Barn Owls are beautiful and I wanted to draw the wings for them, and more importantly, b) Owen would probably want to disguise his wings, and it would make sense if it was as a different type of owl. I just assume he’d dye his feathers in some way or another. Look- just don’t think about it too much.
#guys look I made an au!#I hope to do more with this because it’s so much fun to think about and draw#I’ve been meaning to finish this for ages- had the idea like two months ago#I’m particularly happy with Red Tailed Hawk Curt- if you don’t know they are a very common bird of prey in the US- but very cool#there’s one that lives not to far behind my house AND I saw one quite literally yesterday#and curt just had that vibe y’know#the vibe of that bird#also I was a massive bird nerd when I was a little kid so this is scratching that itch from when I was 10#so I’ve got the books I can consult for this thing#At least for North American birds#but yeah very pumped about this#fun fact: the sound you hear on tv used for the bald eagle is actually the sound of a red tailed hawk#I’d like to thank the lovely ryoko-akari for giving me that radical fact#I think it would be silly if they could make bird sounds#just for fun#let my guy Owen hoot- let Curt screech I think#alr what do I call this au guys#wings are forever#birds are forever#spies are birds#birds used to be used by the government for espionage there has to be something good#OK after some consultation we’ve got one- from the fantastic swingingthehatchetnow- I give you:#Spies are Forever: Live and Let Fly#isn’t that great yall#man’s a genius#ok regular tag time#spies are forever#tin can brothers#tin can bros#tcb spies are forever
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What's an otome?
You read a picture book to romance fictional characters, anon.
(for reference: on page 2 the second panel characters are from Steam Prison. Vita touch mechanic mention is Bad Apple Wars and the sexism call outs is in Sweet Fuse.)
I struggle personally with the self-insert intended otome because I look at characters and go "that's my son now" and I can't romance my son! That's why I prefer games with a designated design and some bare-bones personality protags. THEY can romance my son.
#moe talks a lot#holy moly this took SO MUCH TIME and you have to understand i made the comment about otome games#in my tags five days ago#and got this anon earlier today#me not googling shit outta respect for being the artificial otome expert to anon#please understand i love otome a lot and there are LOTS of them out there and a lot of them are INSANE to talk about plot wise#like im not even joking about the calling out sexism mechanic#im not even joking when i say you have men like you more after you call them out for sexist comments while#you are all being held hostage in an amusement park with mascots that play charades with you so they dont talk#and the mascots just wear pig helmets and leotards and are SUPER endearing somefuckinghow#i always forget how gosh darn GRAY my hair is until i get it cut and then im like TEEHEE look how cute i am going gray#from my stresses and anxieties at a young age#been going gray since my 20s yeehaw#please appreciate this anon i spent a lot of time on it and i dont even know why
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