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hyunniesgirl · 1 year ago

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Another Love | part 1

Summary: you've been hopelessly in love with Han since you were children. One night you confess your feelings to him.

Words count: 8,539

Warnings for this part: lots of angst, drunk people, drunk Han is petty asf

A/N: So I made that pool asking if I should post this fic in chapters or a 20,000+ words chapter and the long ass chapter won but at the time my mind told me I would be able to finish the whole fic before posting it... Jokes on me I need validation and feedback for me to write so yeah let's do this in chapters, sorry

A/N2: I had this idea for quite some time now but got suddenly inspired listening to the song another love.

You're done. Really, you can't take it anymore. You've known Han Jisung since elementary school, you have been basically joined at the hip since then, your parents even became best friends because of you two.

You don't know exactly when you fell in love with him, was it on your second day at school when he invited you to play with him because he noticed you were all alone? Was it when someone made an awkward joke about your messed up hair cut in second grade and he picked a fight with them? Maybe it was the very first moment you laid eyes on him, joking around with everyone and being the most popular kid in the classroom. You really can't remember, but the thing you're sure of is: Han Jisung doesn't like you back.

You've always known that, but inside you there was a tiny bit of hope that one day he would wake up and suddenly love you back.

That didn't happen though. You are now 23 and he has never ever shown the smallest amount of romantic interest in you.

"That's fine", you thought to yourself, ever since you realized your feelings for him, "I'm going to stay with him his entire life, that doesn't sound so bad"

Until it started to sound really bad. What are you gonna do? See him getting a girlfriend, then getting engaged and eventually married? Would you always be there on the sidelines listening to his lovesick whines about the woman he loves so much? Would you be the godmother to his children? By then, would you have gotten over him already? Or would you keep this up forever, marrying someone just because you can't stay alone and being in love with your best friend for the rest of your life? That was the moment you knew you had to stop, you can't keep this up.

Coincidentally Han broke up with his last girlfriend a few months ago, you thought that would be a good opportunity for you to be his rebound, yeah, pretty dignified of you.

So you dress up really pretty, hair up, a dress that always made Han compliment you and to finish it off—the necklace he gave you on your 12th birthday.

You think this is it, this is the day you're going to tell him how much you love him and maybe, just maybe he will contemplate giving you a chance.

When he arrives at your shared apartment, with two cans of beer and fried chicken, you give him a cheerful greeting, setting the table and trying to gather courage to speak.

"So, how was practice?", you begin, maybe some small talk will help you relax.

"It was good, we are almost done with the album", he says, typing something on his phone. "How was your day?", he asks, putting the device on the table and looking at you.

"Good, I had class in the morning and tutoring in the afternoon", you take a sip of your beer, "one of the mothers actually recommended me to other parents and I'm gonna start tutoring more students next week"

He smiles, "that's good, you're really smart"

You blush, bringing the back of your hands to your face to try and lessen the hot skin of your cheeks with the cold of your hands.

"Actually, I want to talk to you", you start, it's now or never.

"Sure-", Jisung stops mid sentence when his phone buzzes. "Just a minute", he looks at the screen and smiles, your heart sinks at the sight. You know that smile too well, you have seen it dozens of times. You feel your insides turning over. It's the smile meant only for the person he likes.

"Hey, Lia. Yeah, totally, I can talk right now", he picks up the call and once again asks you for a minute lifting his index finger, he walks towards the balcony and closes the glass door after going through it.

He's laughing about something, is she even that funny or is he just trying to win her favor? She's pretty, you know it. All of his girlfriends looked like models. You sigh, looking at yourself and feeling awful, suddenly you don't feel pretty anymore, you actually feel ridiculous.

Why did you think things would change just because you got brave enough to speak up? Jisung sees you as a best friend and nothing more, you have to come to terms with that.

Your mind is rushing, thinking about what you're going to do now? Can you keep being friends with him? Yeah, of course, he's your best friend, you won't end your friendship because you can't control your feelings. But you'll need time, right? You won't be able to get over this unrequited love if you keep seeing him everyday, doing everything with him and sleeping in the same house.

"So, what do you want to talk about?", he asks, sitting again. You didn't even notice he had come back inside.

You sigh, you'll tell him about it all and then you'll find the strength in you to move on.

"I like you", you say so low you're not sure he heard you. But he did, he smiles and chuckles.

"I like you too, we're best friends for a reason", he stretches his arm to take a fried chicken.

"No, I like like you", you admit, hugging yourself, feeling cold suddenly, you look around and see Han left the door to the balcony open. "I've been in love with you since I can remember", you complete.

The look on his face would be funny if it wasn't tragic, his brows are furrowed in confusion and his eyes have a very familiar look: fear. Of course, he's afraid of losing his best friend, you already guessed that much.

"Y/N I-", you notice his breathing quickening. "I'm sorry, I never knew", he says, shoulders slumping, his arms dropping to the side of his body.

"Yeah, I know you didn't", you say. He's still staring at you with so much hurt in his eyes. Jisung knows he will have to turn you down and it's going to hurt him a lot, but not as much as it will hurt you and he never ever wanted to hurt you.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say", he takes a deep breath, "I never thought about you in that way, I'm really sorry, I don't feel the same"

You're not going to cry, you decided that the moment you saw fear in his eyes. It's not his fault you like him, he can't fall in love with you just because you love him. You're not going to cry and make him feel worse than you can tell he's already feeling. But listening to those words it's worse than you could have expected, you feel like the world is crumbling around you.

"I know you don't", you smile sadly.

He looks more confused now.

"Then, why did you tell me?"

"It's just… I'm done with all this", you reply, getting up from your chair.

"Done with our friendship?" Han can feel all the air leaving his body while he waits for your answer.

You chuckle, fidgeting with your foot.

"No, I don't think I could ever be done with that", you smile trying to reassure him and he feels so relieved. "I can't keep doing this, I can't continue seeing you with other people and stay hurting alone"

"I can stop bringing people to the apartment and I'll never talk about them around you", he says trying to help and your stomach sinks a lot more. Why does he have to be so sweet?

"Actually, I'll need some time", you clear your throat, "I think I'm going to stay with Seungmin for the time being, he is looking for a roommate"

Han's eyes widen and he gets up, walking towards you.

"What are you talking about? Are you going to move out?"

"It's not something definitive, I'm going to stay there until he finds a new roommate and come back after that", you take a step back, noticing how close he is to you. "Luckily by then I'll be over you, I think I just need some personal space for now, where you're not there everytime I look, or your things aren't mixed with mine or your scent isn't around every room"

"Will you still speak to me?", he asks, he wants to hug you, to hold you in his arms and say how sorry he is for not feeling the same. But he knows he can't, the best thing he can do is to keep his distance from you right now.

"I think we should keep it restricted to apartment things for now, I'll keep paying my half of the rent since my things will still be here"

"You don't have to pay if you're not here"

Ever since Jisung started making good money he insisted that you didn't have to pay for rent since you only work part time as a tutor to pay for your living expenses but you always refused. Even though he earns a lot more than you it wouldn't be fair for him to be the only one paying and honestly, you felt that if he was the only one paying for it, you would feel too much like you were a couple.

"No, I'll pay you. This arrangement doesn't change the fact that we still share the apartment"

He nods, looking down, the awkward silence making you sick.

"I'm really sorry I hurt you", he whispers and all the crying you avoided over this whole conversation threatens to come out at that exact moment.

"It's not your fault", you say, "I'm sorry I made things awkward, just give me some time and we'll be back to how things were, okay?", you give him a reassuring smile even though you're not sure things will ever go back to the way it was.

You wake up feeling like shit, you cried your eyes out the moment you stepped into Seungmin's apartment. He was so sweet to you, staying awake until you calmed down and even offered you his room for you to sleep but you refused. He was already doing you a favor by letting you stay on his couch until he found a roommate.

You sit, stretching yourself, you slept pretty comfortably but all the stress from last night left your muscles sore.

"Are you feeling better?", you hear Seungmin's voice and look at the kitchen, he's making coffee. That reminds you of all the days you woke Han up with a nice and hot coffee so he wouldn't be in a bad mood waking up so early.

"I don't think so", you answer, shaking your head like that would make your thoughts disappear. "Can you get me some of that?", you ask and he smiles.

"Already on it", you start tidying up the blanket and the pillow you used.

"What are you going to do today?", Seungmin asks while you sit at the table.

"I have some tutoring to do and class in the afternoon, maybe I'll go shopping with Hannah later"

"That's good, try to keep yourself entertained at least for the next couple of days", he hands you the mug and you nod.

All your friends knew about your crush on Han and you made all of them swear they wouldn't tell him. You were afraid things would be awkward now, since Han was their friend before you met them, but they all showed you support now that you had confessed.

Hannah had offered you to stay with her, but she has a roommate that's really strict about everything in their apartment and you don't want to cause trouble to your friend by staying there. Luckily Seungmin's last roommate had moved a couple of weeks ago and he was looking for someone new, but by the way he's picky that's not going to happen so soon.

"Since I'll be staying here and you won't accept money because I won't be using a room, the groceries will be on me and I won't accept no for an answer", you say finishing your coffee and getting up. Seungmin sighs, rolling his eyes.

"I know you're going to buy it anyway, so I'll accept it"

"Then send me a list of whatever you need and I'll buy it tonight or tomorrow", you blow him a kiss, picking your bag from the floor and heading to the bathroom.

You take a long, hot, refreshing shower and pick some comfortable clothes to go to your tutoring session.

Seungmin's already gone when you go back to the kitchen, there's a message from him on your phone.

Minnie: I left some sliced fruit in the fridge for you, eat before going out.

Minnie: I'll send you the list later btw

You smile, having someone taking care of you is nice. For a second, it makes you forget the reason why you're there to begin with.

You feel like crying again, but you can't show up to your students house with red eyes and a puffy face.

The parents that are near each other usually ask you to teach their children together in longer sessions. That strengthens the bond the kids have while strengthening the connection between the families. That usually happens when the families are wealthy, they see an opportunity in their children's friendship to get on each other's good side.

Your parents started hanging out with Jisung's parents too, not because of connections but because you two were always in each other's houses. Once, you broke your arm falling from a tree you tried to climb following Han, his mother had to call yours and calm her down on the phone the entire time your mother was driving to the hospital to meet you. That day you got scolded by both and after they finished the lecture they looked at each other and smiled, bonding over the fear of something happening to their precious child.

When they went out to buy some coffee and talk, Jisung sat by the side of your hospital bed, lips pouting and tearing up.

"I'm sorry I dared you to follow me all the way up there", he says, taking the hand of your good arm and holding it.

"It's okay, now at least I have an exciting story to tell the others", you say and he smiles, whipping his eyes.

The noise of the gate opening wakes you up from your daydream, you have to stop thinking about Han if you want to get over him.

The kids come running in your direction the moment the housekeeper opens the door.

"Miss Y/N, look I got a 9.5 on my test", the girl smiles brightly showing you the paper with the grade marked in red.

"Woah, Misu, you're so smart, I don't think you even need me anymore", you bend to her height and she pouts, sometimes she acts like a little child when she's already 12.

"Of course I need you, you're the prettiest and smartest person I know", she says and you hear someone clear their throats by the stairs. It's Misu's mother.

"If I didn't agree with her I'd be hurt", she says and you smile.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kim, I only helped a little, Misu's really smart", you say and the girl shows you her white teeth, looking at her mother and waiting for some praise.

"Of course she is", she pats the girl's head. "Eun, aren't you going to say hi to Y/N?"

The boy is a few months younger than Misu but a lot more shy. You saw him coming with her when you arrived but got so engrossed in your conversation that forgot he was there in silence.

"Hello, miss Y/N", he says, polite as ever.

"Hi, Eun, did you get a good grade like Misu?"

He nods, showing you his test with 9.8 marked in red.

"He's smarter than me", Misu pouts.

"Congratulations, Eun", you say, patting his head, making him blush and you smile. "I think you are both really smart and I'm here to help you get even smarter"

Mrs. Kim tells you to go ahead and start the lesson and invites you to stay for lunch. You were pretty lucky with the parents you met till now, all of them were nice to you and cared a great deal about their children so it's a lighthearted job to do.

The kids are indeed smart, usually you don't have to explain the same thing more than twice and they always ask a lot of questions during your time with them.

A week goes by since you last saw Jisung, fortunately he didn't try contacting you. You're sure that if he did you'd break hearing his voice and would beg for him to like you back, giving up on any pride you still have left.

You arrive at school an hour before your classes begin, you're meeting Hannah at the cafe nearby so you can talk a bit.

You look at your phone, there's a message from her saying she's on the bus but the traffic is awful so she might be a little bit late.

You choose a table by the window, contemplating if you should order already or wait till Hannah arrives.

Looking outside, you remember the moment you heard the news that you got into this university. Yours and Jisung's family were at your parents house, you both were seated on the couch when you received the message saying the college entrance results came out. You couldn't type your information, you were trembling so much Han had to do it for you.

When you read your name and the word "accepted" you actually screamed, making your mother drop the plate she had in hands. Your father and Han's came running to see what happened when Jisung showed them the screen.

Your mother and father embraced you, telling how proud they were of you and Jisung's parents did the same, like you were their own daughter.

Jisung wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up, spinning you and making you burst out laughing. That moment was so good, you wanted to stay there forever.

"Earth to Y/N", you hear Hanna's voice and snap out of your thoughts, sighing. "Is everything okay?", she asks, worried.

"Yeah, I'm good", you say and she narrows her eyes, knowing you are not telling the truth.

Hannah left it at that though, you are going through a hard time and she doesn't want to push it.

Honestly, she don't expect you to be fine. Your lifelong crush had rejected you and to make things worse he is your best friend, so yeah, of course you are not okay.

"Then, I'm going to order", she drops her bag in the seat in front of you, "your usual?"

You nod, seeing her walk to the cashier. You met Hannah three years ago, when you started college. She's the total opposite of you, really outgoing and a total social butterfly, it seems those are the people you attract seeing how Han is the same.

She sat by your side on the first day, making a random joke and making you laugh, that's how she became your best friend. You didn't even have to tell her about your one sided love, she had to see only one interaction between you and Jisung to know exactly what was going on.

She is the one that urged you to tell him about your feelings and was very adamant about you moving on from him, she couldn't let you waste all your 20's being in love with someone that didn't like you back… or not the way you wanted to.

"So, I heard about a party", Hannah says, putting the pager on the table and sitting in front of you.

"There's like a hundred of those, you have to be more specific", you joke and she rolls her eyes.

"You know that guy from English literature? The one that dyed his hair pink last semester?"

"Yeah, it's kinda hard to forget about him", you laugh.

When Yunho came to school with pink hair a rumor of him becoming an idol started going around, everyone tried to be nice to him and all that shit but it turned out he just lost a bet.

"He's hosting this party in like a really big fancy place to celebrate his graduation", she finishes.

"That's nice", you say, fidgeting with your fingers under the table.

"Hmmm, are we going to go or what?", she asks and you glance at her.

"Were we invited?"

"Ahm, you're hot and I'm hot, why wouldn't we be invited?"

You laugh, knowing what she's doing. Hannah is more sensible than you give her credit for, you really thought she would ask about everything that happened on that night, but instead she has been trying to distract you for the past week and that is really nice of her.

She smiles, seeing you smile. Hannah knows you never give enough credit to yourself, you never think you're pretty enough, funny enough, cool enough or smart enough even though you're those things and much more. She approached you on your first day because there's just something about you, something bright and cheerful. When people are upset, mad or sad you always do your best to make them feel better, so Hannah felt this was her time to cheer you up.

The pager buzzes on the table and she gets up, going to the counter to get your orders.

You look at her coming back with a big grin in her lips, handing you the coffee with a note glued to the cup sleeve.

"To the girl with the yellow cardigan, I see you coming here often and I think you're cute, maybe we can hangout sometime? If you're up to it, text me: xxx xxxx-xxxx"

You blush, looking at the counter and seeing the cutest guy looking at you with flushed cheeks. He's so red you can see it from where you're seated. He smiles waving at you and you wave back.

Hannah has one eyebrow lifted looking at your interaction and you feel your cheeks even hotter.

"So, are you going to text him?", she asks, reading the note and you sigh.

"I don't think so", you say, sipping at your coffee.

"Why not?"

"I don't think it would be fair to someone if I start something with them when I'm still in love with someone else", you answer and Hannah sighs.

"Yeah, you have a point", she pouts, "but like, maybe messing around a little won't hurt? I mean, he's not in love with you or anything, you can talk with each other and see where things go"

Hannah's right and you know it. Even though it's still too soon, you should try meeting new people, you're not going to get over Han just by staying away from him.

This feelings, you have it with you for so long, it's hard to let it go. Loving Han is the only romantic feeling you have ever known, it's scary to walk off of this thing you know so well to something completely new.

You have to, though. It's the only way for your friendship to keep existing. So you nod to Hannah, taking your phone out of your pocket and dialing the number written on the cup, seconds later you're typing a message.

You: Hey, it's the girl in the yellow cardigan, my name is Y/N btw

You send and hear a ping, you thought he would have his phone on silent mode and sudden embarrassment creeps up when you see him taking his phone out of the pocket of his apron.

Cute guy: Hey, I was afraid of making you uncomfortable, so let me apologize first. I just didn't know how to approach you

Cute guy: Ah, and I'm Heeseung

You change the name in his contact before replying.

You: it didn't make me uncomfortable and thank you for calling me cute.

Heeseung: you don't have to thank me for telling the truth.

You giggle, it's interesting to feel like this, even though you can tell it's something temporary.

You: lol, you're really smooth.

"Let's go?", Hannah says, smirking at you and you blush. You nod, picking your things up and getting up from the table, you wave goodbye to Heeseung before going out and he smiles brightly at you.

>><<

The morning after you went away, Han woke up feeling awful, all the things that happened the previous night coming back at him at the same time. He was sure the moment you walked out of the door, giving him your best smile and trying not to cry was the saddest he ever felt in his entire life. You were his best friend, you were everything to him, he felt like shit because he never noticed your feelings. He doesn't know what he would have done if he knew, but maybe he could have been better, talking less about his relationships and especially not bringing his hook ups to the apartment.

He got up, feeling like crying everytime he had to pass by your bedroom door, knowing you were not there and wouldn't be for far too long, all because of him. The bell rings and he runs to the door, hoping it's you, hoping you'll tell him everything was a joke and that you didn't actually like him. Even though he knows you wouldn't press the doorbell since you know the password and he knows the hurt in your eyes when he said he didn't feel the same as you was no joke.

So it was no surprise when he opened the door and found Chan and Changbin there. They did tell him they were going to stop by in the morning to pick him up but with all the things that happened he just forgot about it.

"Are you okay? You look like shit", Changbin says entering the house.

Chan looks at Han, worried.

"Are you sick?", he asks, "where's Y/N?" He knows you wouldn't leave Han alone if he were sick, but you would have shown up already by hearing Changbin's loud voice.

"She's gone", Han says, running his hands through his hair.

"What do you mean?", Chan asks with wide eyes.

"She- she confessed to me and I turned her down", he says, maybe he should have told you he could like you back, that way he wouldn't be feeling this way and you'd still be there with him.

"Shit", Changbin says, his lips pressed in a thin line.

Han looks at the both of them, why don't they look surprised?

"You guys knew about it?" He asks, a little louder than his usual voice and the boys exchange a look. "Woah, thanks for the heads up"

He shouldn't be mad at them, it's not their fault, but he's already too mad at himself so he doesn't know where else to put the blame.

"It was not our place to tell you", Chan says.

"Does everyone know?", Han asks and Changbin nods, "so I was the only one? Am I dumb or something?"

Chan sighs, "it's not really your fault for not knowing, you probably are used to the way Y/N looks and talks to you because you're best friends since you were children, but to the people outside it is pretty clear from the get go that she likes you"

"But where did she go? Are you not friends anymore?", Changbin asks the difficult questions and Chan glares at him.

"She said she will be staying with Seungmin till he finds a roommate and then she's going to come back"

"She probably just needs some time", Chan says, putting a hand on Han's shoulder trying to reassure him, and he really hopes that's the case.

>><<

You've been texting Heeseung for a few days now and he's pretty nice, he's a dance major and works part time at the cafe to pay for living expenses the same as you do with tutoring.

Hannah had convinced you to go to Yunho's party and get wasted, saying you need the college life experience the most now that you had your first heartbreak but you don't want to think about that, you want to forget that you ever loved Han Jisung.

So you drink a whole bottle of wine before leaving for the party, Seungmin's coming with you and Hannah will meet you there. You are looking good, or maybe it's the alcohol that makes you feel good, your hair is down, you're wearing a black lace cropped top you borrowed from Hannah, with a much lower neckline than you are used to, high waisted jeans and black boots.

The party is already crowded when you and Seungmin get there and it's really a fancy place like Hannah told you.

"Let's grab a drink", you yell to Seungmin.

"You should drink water, you're already drunk", he demands and you show your tongue to him.

"Nooooo, don't be a killjoy"

He sighs, it's hard to convince you of something when you're sober, it's even harder when you're drunk.

"You can have a drink after you drink a cup of water", he tells you and you nod, sounds like a win win for you.

After drinking a whole cup of water you show it to him, waiting for a praise and Seungmin rolls his eyes. What are you, a 10 year old?

"Good job, now you can drink", he gives you a cup with something mixed in it, "but you have to drink some water for each drink you take, okay?"

"Okay, dad", you joke, sipping your drink.

Seungmin knows a lot of people at the party and you feel left out every time someone approaches him so you're really happy when Hannah shows up, with a much taller boy accompanying her.

"Look who I found", she says pointing at him.

"Heeseung?", you scream, startling Seungmin who's close to you.

"Jesus, Y/N, calm down", he says putting his hand over his ear, "I'm a singer, I can't lose my hearing", he says and you pout, whining an apology even though you know he's not really mad.

"I didn't know you were gonna be here", Heeseung gets closer to you, side eyeing Seungmin.

"I didn't want to come, Hannah made me", you tell him, "this is Seungmin, he's my friend"

He nods at the boy by your side, relaxing to hear you call Seungmin a friend.

"Hey, Minnie, let's go dance?", Hannah says and Seungmin narrows his eyes suspiciously.

"I don't dance", he answers, crossing his arms and she sighs.

"For fucking sake, just come with me", she says and Seungmin follows her without more questions, he knows too well not to mess with her when she gets angry.

"You look really pretty", Heeseung says, bending a little to lessen the difference in your height. You blush even though it's not as good hearing him saying that as it was when Han complimented you, but you're trying to get over that, aren't you?

"Thanks, you look hot too", you hiccup, you don't have a filter when you're drunk. He smiles, turning around on the table and pouring you a cup of water.

"Drink this, it's going to help", he hands it to you.

"Thank you, you're so sweet and handsome", you yell again but he doesn't flinch like Seungmin did.

"You can't keep saying these kinds of things and not want me to kiss you", he says and you smile, sly.

"Who says I don't want that?", the moment he comprehends what you just said his face reddens, and he thought he was being bold.

"Once you sober up we can talk about that", he tells you and you pout. You wanted to kiss him now, maybe if you did all the hurt you were feeling would go away. Maybe you just needed someone to make you forget about Jisung.

"But I want it now", you cross your arms, behaving like a child that didn't get their way.

"Do you like dancing?", he changes the subject. Your face brightens with his question.

"I LOVE dancing", you show him the choreography to queencard that's playing on the dance floor and he laughs at your messy steps, he's sure you're much better at it while sober.

"Then drink this and let's dance", he hands you another cup of water.

"Seungmin told me I could have a drink after a cup of water, but this makes two cups of water and no drink", you point out and Heeseung can't help but find the drunk you really cute.

"This water will help you so you won't have a bad hangover tomorrow", he says and you nod, that's a good point.

Super by seventeen starts playing and you finish downing the water, grabbing Heeseung's hand and dragging him to the dance floor.

Being a dance major, of course he knows the steps and he's so good there are moments you just stop and watch him in a daze. Actually, he knows the steps to every song playing after that too, you dance so much you're all sweaty and your legs are tired. You're totally sober now, feeling ecstatic. It's so good being at a party having so much fun.

You're jumping and smiling until you see him.

You stop in your tracks seeing Han Jisung staring at you from the other side of the dance floor, your smile fades away as soon as your eyes lock with his.

He looks sick, he lost a lot of weight considering the short period of time you haven't seen each other and he wasn't smiling like he always did. He takes a step in your direction and you automatically step away, your stomach sinking.

You're feeling your heart beat so fast it's overlapping with the loud music, you gulp feeling your legs weaken, why the hell are you having this reaction? He's the same Han Jisung you've known since you were a child, the only difference now is that he knows how you feel about him.

You can't avoid him until you get over your feelings, that won't work and you know it, you have to get used to being near him feeling nothing other than friendship, but you can't see him at that moment, you just can't. You're having fun, there's a handsome guy with you and you want to like him and not Jisung.

You grab Heeseung's hand and pull him away from the dance floor, walking outside so you can breathe some fresh air.

"Did something happen?", he asks, looking confused and worried.

"It just felt stiff in there for a moment", you say and he nods.

You didn't want to explain to him why you were not speaking to your best friend and how messed up your relationship with Han is right now. You want to forget about it and your way of doing it is right by your side, handsome and available.

"So, about that thing you said we could do once I sobered up… I'm sober now", you say and he blushes, analyzing you for a moment to see if you are telling the truth.

The last drink you took was more than an hour ago and you drank so much water after that, it's a miracle you still don't have to use the toilet.

"I don't want to do something you'll regret later", he says and you appreciate how considerate he is. But right now you don't want someone considerate, you want someone that'll sweep you off your feet and help you forget what you so desperately want to. So you get closer, caging him against the wall and tiptoeing, trying to get closer to his face.

"If you don't want to, it's okay. But if you're holding back because you think I'm drunk, I'm not", that was his cue to kiss you. His lips crashing sloppily onto yours, hands cupping your face then moving down to your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck trying to get closer than you already are. He's good, you've kissed enough people in your life to know that, yet you feel sick.

You feel bad and like a horrible person because you just know he can't compare to Jisung even though you never kissed your best friend.

You feel bad thinking about someone else while kissing Heeseung, he's so nice and sweet and you know he's not fooling around, if you give him the chance he's going to truly like you and you're only using him.

You step away sighing, seeing his brows furrowed and the confusion in his eyes.

"Was it that bad?", he jokes but you can see he's feeling hurt. "I'm not trying to brag, but I never got a reaction like that after a kiss"

You smile apologetically, looking for words to explain yourself.

"It was great and you're great", you begin, "I think you're too sweet, that's why I can't lead you on"

"What are you talking about?" he asks, even more confused.

"I'm in love with someone else and I know it sounds awful, I did try to get over him with you but I feel like you'll really like me if we don't stop right now and I'm not sure if I'll be able to be that person for you", you look at him, seeing the disappointment in his face. "I'm sorry, I'm a terrible person and you can hate me if you want"

He stares at you for a few moments, sighing and giving you a reassuring smile after.

"I don't think you're terrible, I think you're truly brave for coming clean like that", you're relieved, you were afraid he would say something mean and even though you feel like you deserve it, you're really fragile right now. "Thank you for telling me before I got too deep into this and I don't know, maybe we can be friends?"

"Absolutely, I would love that"

"So, do you want to go back inside?", he asks and you shake your head.

"I don't think so, I should probably go home", you say, you don't want to go back there to see Han again.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"It's okay, I'm going to text Seungmin and see where he's at but you can go inside, I'm going to stay here and get some more fresh air"

"Alright, I'll see you at the cafe"

You nod, seeing him walk away. Woah, you just let that masterpiece of a man go because you can't forget about a fucking unrequited love. You curse yourself, slapping your forehead.

After that, you text Seungmin telling where you are and asking where the hell he and Hannah went, sending the same message to her and waiting for their answer.

You sit on the grass, taking a deep breath. You feel a bit sick after seeing Jisung, you never thought you'd feel that way. Never in your worst nightmares did you think you would be afraid to talk to him, maybe you're scared of talking to him and feeling nothing, what if all of this was just in your head and you just needed some time apart to figure it out?

You hear steps close to you and pray it's not some horny couple trying to fuck near you, however, the moment you lay eyes on your best friend you actually wish it was a horny couple.

You get up in a jump, your stomach sinking and your head spinning. Why does it hurt so much suddenly? It feels like your chest is being torn apart and you can't do a thing to make it better.

Jisung looks worse up close, he has huge bags under his eyes and he's too pale.

You're worried about him, even though you can't have the luxury of that. Not when your insides are all messed up and you want to throw up. You walk past him without saying a word, you can't handle this right now, but he grabs your wrist holding you in place. You don't look at him, staring at the floor trying to get out of his grip.

"I miss you", he says and your heart drops to your stomach. Why is he doing this to you? It's not like being apart from your best friend is fun to you. "Can't you look at me?", he pleads but you can't find the courage to do that yet. "Please", but he sounds so desperate, you force yourself to do it.

You look at him, he's obviously drunk. Who the hell let him drink this much?

"What is it?", you sound more spiteful than you were planning and his eyes widen, releasing your arm from his grasp.

"Do you hate me now?", he asks and you sigh.

"Of course I don't hate you, you're my best friend", you say that but for some reason it doesn't feel right, it doesn't sound like the truth.

"Can't you come back home? I feel like shit everytime I wake up and you're not there"

"I told you I need time", you say, running your hands through your hair.

"Are you going to forget about me by fucking some random dude?", he asks and you glare at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I don't understand how that's any of your business"

"It is, because you told me you love me but you act like you never want to see my face again", he scoffs.

You feel mad, what's he trying to say? Should you keep hurting just because you love him?

"I can't sit around forever, waiting for you to look at me", you say and he steps closer to you.

"I'm looking at you right now, I- I'll be good to you, I'll like you back", the moment he finishes saying that, you can't control the tears running through your eyes.

Is that supposed to be good? He would be forced to date you so he could have you close to him?

"Why are you doing this to me?" You ask and he takes a step back startled with you tears, suddenly sobering up, "it's not easy for me to be away from you, you're my best friend, but I do have some bit of dignity left in me and I won't accept less than I deserve, even if that less is the man I love with me", you wipe your tears seeing him step closer, trying to reach your hand and you step away, "don't come close to me right now, I could never stay with you knowing you don't love me, you should know that"

You turn around trying to get away from him but stop on your tracks seeing Hannah, Seungmin, Chan and Changbin right there looking at you awkwardly. Of course, the humiliation is the cherry on the top. You pass through them feeling so embarrassed you want the earth to swallow you.

The ride home is awkward and silent. Hannah and Seungmin keep exchanging looks while you look out the window trying to figure how your life became this mess.

You really should have dated Jeongho when he asked you out in middle school, it was around that time that you realized you liked Han more than just a friend—when Haneul asked to be his date to the school festival and you wanted to punch her so hard. Maybe if you had dated that boy at that time you would have forgotten the feelings you had for your friend, maybe you would have brushed it off as some childhood crush, but no, you rejected Jeongho while Han went with Haneul to the school festival and you third wheeled the whole event earning nasty glances from her every time your best friend played two times the same game so he could win you a plush too.

Back then you still thought everything would be okay, if only you had him everything would be okay.

You start bawling without notice, crying so much you can't even breathe. Seungmin stops the car and Hannah gets to the back, hugging you and caressing your hair while whispering that everything will be fine and you really want to believe her.

You don't know how you got into Seungmin's apartment, you guess he carried you inside after dropping Hannah home but you're not sure. It's sunday so he's not up yet for you to ask and it doesn't actually matter, what matters is the absolutely pathetic scene you made at the party and in the car. You want to bury yourself into a hole and never come back, how the hell are you going to face your friends after they saw you being humiliated by Han like that?

You know he was drunk, of course he was. You know he didn't mean it, he was hurt and drunk and people act on feelings not reason when they are like that. But does he think you have no pride? Does he really think you would date him knowing he doesn't like you back?

It's different when you confessed to him, you knew he didn't like you that way. But if he told you that there was something there, that he was not going to promise you anything but someday he may like you back, that's all you needed to hear. However, that didn't happen. He told you with all the words that he doesn't like that way, that he doesn't feel the same way as you do, there was no room for interpretation, no room for what if's.

You get up, in need to distract yourself. This week is going to fly by, you have tutoring lessons using up all your free time so you just have to get through the day.

There are a lot of messages on your phone, you really don't want to read them because you know that other than Hannah's, it's awkward comforting words from your other friends.

Hannah: call me when you wake up

Hannah: let's go eat something delicious, what do you think? It's on me.

Hannah: are you still not up or are you ignoring me?

You: I just woke up, calm down girl

You: why would I ignore you though? I just have to brush my teeth and eat something then I'll call you.

Binnie: morning babes

Binnie: Hannie is such an asshole

Binnie: I'll date you if you want, you're hot it's a win win for me

You chuckle to Changbin texts, he's so sweet in the weirdest way.

You: I mean, you're hot too

You: I think we'd make an awesome couple

Chan: good morning, Y/N

Chan: we didn't hear anything last night, so please, don't be awkward or embarrassed around us.

You: good morning Channie, I know you heard

You: you should have matched your story with Changbin before texting me though

You: it's okay, alright? Of course I'll be embarrassed for the time being, but we're friends I won't be embarrassed forever.

You leave your phone on the couch and go to the bathroom. You look like shit, smeared makeup, hair disgusting and you're still wearing the same clothes. You turn on the hot water, taking your clothes off and entering the shower, the warmth embracing you as you feel more relaxed.

You put on something comfortable, it's Sunday, you're going to ask Hannah to come by and you're going to order takeout.

You call her number while eating because you know she's anxious.

"Hey babes, good morning", she picks up, cheerful as always.

"Good morning", you say, biting the toast you just made.

"So, what about going out and eating something really good?", she asks.

"Hm, I'm actually not in the mood to go out? Can't you come by, we order something and watch that movie you've been bugging me for the last month?"

"Yeah, sure. We can do that", she answers and you are happy she doesn't sound upset or disappointed. With all the shit you're pulling lately you're scared your friends are going to get tired of your bullshit and stop talking to you. You used to think no one wanted a friend that's always crying and whining, but they showed you that real friends help each other.

"So what time are you gonna come?"

"I will just take a shower and wait for the bus, so in maybe like an hour?", she guesses and you nod forgetting she can't see you.

"Okay, see you then"

You decide to clean the house while waiting, Seungmin is pretty organized and clean so there's nothing too difficult. You'll just wash the dishes and vacuum a little.

Hannah arrives later than she predicted, Seungmin is already up and cleaning his room. He scolded you because it's his day to do the dishes and you shouldn't have done it because it's not fair to you.

You think he's being extra nice to you because of what happened the night before and it's true, he was really scared when you cried in his car.

He has known you for almost five years and he never saw you cry like that, even on the night you came to his house after confessing to Han you didn't cry like that. This time was different, you had a soul crushing cry, he wanted to stop the car and go to the back to hug you the same as Hannah, but he knew you were already being comforted by the perfect person.

Han is his friend, he could never choose between you two. But he couldn't deny it, that was a dick move, how could he ever say that to someone that likes him? He basically told you that he could pretend to like you if you stayed with him.

And of course, Seungmin understands the fear of losing a friend, but doing what he did just increases the chances of you never wanting to see his face again.

You are seated on the couch, watching the movie Hannah is obsessed with at the moment. She already watched it five times alone and asks anyone she can find to watch it again with her, she even repeats some sentences together with the characters.

The pizza you ordered is almost gone, you didn't know you were so hungry until the smell hit your nose. Luckily or thanks to Seungmin and Heeseung, your hangover is not that bad and you want it to stay that way so you keep drinking lots of water.

You got through the day thanks to your friends, they kept you entertained the whole time so you wouldn't overthink or even think about Han.

You are doing that just now, looking at the ceiling in the dark room. You want it all to be a dream, maybe you would wake up tomorrow and still be in middle school, you'd take the opportunity and get over him at that time, that would have spared you of some big problems.

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A/N: So, I don't know how many parts this fic will have. If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback give me motivation to keep writing.

2K notes · View notes

cassiesc0rner · 27 days ago

Text

Impurities VII

Synopsis: You're the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs

Genre: smut, slight fluff, slight angst

Pairing: Nate x fem!reader

Warnings: manipulation, jealousy, consumption of alcohol,

(semi) drunk sex, p in v, choking, begging, edging, sexual frustration, multiple orgasm, Nate considering non-con impregnation, lmk if I missed anything!

Song rec: Slut me out - NLE Choppa | Get it sexyy - Sexyy Red | Gimme more - Britney Spears | Haunted - Beyonce

WC: +9,8k

Other parts: previous part, next part

A/N: Shout out to Montell Fish’s music for once again helping me write smut, and shout out again to 💿 anon <3. Guess what, I still can’t add links to my posts but you can still find my previous posts on my pinned post. :3

Needless to say, Nate succeeded in getting you drunk, and you clearly had the time of your life.

He was on his way to get you a new drink, when some girls from the cheer squad decided to talk to him. And once he got your drink and returned, you weren't sitting on the couch anymore.

Fuck.

He cursed under his breath, well aware that nothing awful could've happened to you in the span of two minutes. But the thought of you not being under his watch right now, made him feel uneasy.

Nate walked through the crowd, and due to him being taller than most of the guests he could look around with ease. Once he spotted you in one of the corners of the living room he took a deep breath.

It surprised him at first, when he caught you talking to a student you've never even dared to look at— Rachel, the school's top cheerleader and one of the popular girls.

He wasn't sure how to feel about it.

Sure, he thought it was cute that you socialized way easier, and it was nice that you were hanging out with people he actually knew, but he didn't get you drunk just so you’d leave him to talk to other girls.

He got you drunk because he wanted to have you all to himself, and to have even more power over you than he already had.

Once Nate had seen enough of you and Rachel talking, he decided to join you two. He was tipsy as well, not drunk however since he had to keep his head clear in order to watch out for you.

Which he felt like didn't really work, since he had lost you for a moment.

After he reached the two of you, he slung his arm around your waist, startling you a little since you were so focused on talking to Rachel.

He locked eyes with you, as he stared you down. "Having fun?" his tone was laced with an undertone only Rachel and her friends seemed to pick up on.

"Yeah.. Rachel's really cool," you slurred, as you smiled up at him, to which he simply nodded "did you know–" Nate cut you off, not even paying attention to Rachel "Why don't you come with me for a sec?"

Rachel glanced between the two of you, as she stayed quiet. You sighed and rolled your eyes– something you didn't do a lot around Nate, but it annoyed him nonetheless.

"It was nice meeting you, I'll be back soon." you assured her, still smiling as you wandered off to the hallway with your boyfriend.

Once you two entered the dimly lit hallway, he sighed as he shoved you just slightly, before removing his grip from your arm "What were you doing?" he asked as he leaned down, eyeing you intensely.

You chuckled in confusion "Huh..? What do you mean?" you asked, still too far gone to realize he was being serious "I was just talking to Rachel, you never told me she's so nice. I wouldn't have been so scared of this whole party if I knew everyone's so chill."

Nate placed his hands on your waist as you smiled, blinking up at him. But despite loving it when you admired him, Nate's tone remained stern. "I don't like it when you wander off like that," he said, his eyes boring into yours "especially when you're drunk."

You giggled softly "I'm not drunk, Nate.. maybe a little tipsy. But I was just having fun, isn't that what parties are for?" you pouted. Nate sighs, before putting on a small smile "Yeah of course, but.. I'm just looking out for you. I was confused when you weren't sitting there anymore." he explained.

The alcohol in your system made everything feel way lighter and less serious, resulting in you also not taking Nate serious. "Nate, relax," You laughed, playfully patting his solid chest "I was just having fun it's not that serious." you brushed him off, unaware of the way his jaw clenched as he stared you down.

He clearly didn't find the situation 'funny' or 'not that serious’.

"Not that serious?" he repeated, his grip tightening slightly. "C'mon Nate, I was just talking to her, no need to get so possessive." You didn't realize how your lighthearted comments angered him more and more.

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. You just smiled at him as your hand wandered from his chest to his cheek, which caused Nate to flinch just slightly "You're cute when you're jealous." you teased.

You stood on your tip toes, and pressed a kiss onto his other cheek "But seriously, I'm not going anywhere so relax a little." you added.

Nate was conflicted: on one side he loved how you tried to reassure him, but he was also angry, because you were too drunk to understand how serious this was for him.

Even though it was his fault you were drunk in the first place.

Suddenly, one of your favourite songs started blasting through the speakers, causing your eyes to widen as you looked at Nate. "We should totally dance I love that song!"

You quickly took his hand, almost dragging him after you, as you made your way back to the living room. Once you started dancing, Nate made sure to stay as close to you as physically possible.

He didn't really dance, he preferred watching you as you closed your eyes and got lost in the music. Your moves were slightly uncoordinated, but Nate still thought you looked incredibly sexy.

Your laughter filled the room as you continued to sway to the song. Nate’s hands were placed on your hips as he looked around from time to time, checking if anyone dared to look your way.

He definitely didn’t miss the way some guys looked at you, even if it was just for a split second. He couldn’t blame them of course, not when you looked so pretty, your energy seemed to captivate everyone else.

At some point you smiled up at him, oblivious to the darkness in his eyes “Come on, Nate!” you whined loudly, over the blasting music “Loosen up a little.”

“I am loose.” he grumbled, but the way his fingers dug into your skin told a different story. You playfully swung your arms around his neck, to pull him closer. “This is your party, you should enjoy it.” you pouted, as you thought back to all the things you did to make this day special.

“I am enjoying it, I enjoy watching you.” He reassured you, as he pulled you against him. You leaned back against his arms as you smirked up at him. “Really?” you asked, as your eyes wandered down to his lips. “I enjoy watching you, too..” you admitted.

Before Nate had the chance to respond, someone bumped into you, completely throwing you out of the moment. Nate shot a glare at the person, ready to snap at the guy, but you quickly reached up to cup his cheek, in an attempt to redirect his attention back to you.

“Hey, it’s okay,” You whispered, your thumb brushing over his warm cheek “I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose..” He took a deep breath, nodding as his gaze slowly shifted back to you.

He was holding himself back so well in front of you, and you didn’t even notice it. You tried to pull him back into the moment, continuing to dance, but Nate had other plans. “I think you’re done dancing. Let’s get some more drinks.”

It sounded like a suggestion, like you had a choice, but Nate already dragged you back into the kitchen. He didn’t plan on staying much longer since he felt like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode if anyone else would piss him off in the slightest.

When you two reached the kitchen, Nate instantly retrieved two new cups from the counter as you leaned against it, your head leaned back as you closed your eyes.

He looked at you, wanting nothing more than to carry you to his car right away and take you home. But he controlled himself once again, despite his patience being almost non-existent.

He mixed you another drink, making sure to mask the amount of vodka with the juice you liked so much. Then he mixed himself another drink as well, before handing you your cup.

When he grabbed his own cup, he saw you what drinking large sips of your cup. “I love this juice soo much..” you mumbled before finishing your cup, causing Nate to look at you in awe. “Can I have one more?” you chuckled.

Nate nodded, taking a sip of his own drink before placing it back on the counter and mixing you a new one. He tried to hide his smirk as he handed you the cup again.

And just like before you took a few large sips, not emptying the cup this time. After Nate emptied his cup, you two started chatting about some of the guests, and it really only took you a few minutes before you closed your eyes and sighed.

“Jesus.. I feel funny.” you exhaled, feeling the room spin even more than before. You felt so light but so heavy at the same time. Nate frowned as you breathed heavily. “Are you alright?” he asked, as he placed a hand on your cheek.

You nodded before smiling again. “Everything’s fine..” you said, your speech even more slurred than before. “We should probably go home.” Nate offered, hoping you’d agree, but you just whined. “No, no, no… ‘s fine ‘m just… I jus’ need a moment.. Fuck.” you laughed.

Nate sighed, before he noticed someone entering the kitchen. It was Max, and he looked more than concerned when he noticed your current state: Your hair slightly disheveled, your body slumped against the counter and your eyes closed.

You were too far gone to even notice him coming in, despite the door being opened, causing the music to be louder for a moment. It surprised him that you were this drunk, since Nate was around you the entire night.

He probably knew you never got drunk in your life, so why wasn’t he paying more attention? “Woah, Y/n are you okay?” he asked, as he approached you two. You slowly opened your eyes blinking slowly “Max?” You asked as you tilted your head slightly.

He nodded, but before he could say something Nate stepped in “She’s fine, she just drank a bit too much.” Nate responded casually. “I think we’re gonna head home now.” He continued.

Max intervened, “I think you should drink some water first, and see if you need anything else.” Max was well aware that Nate wasn’t pleased with him being worried for his girlfriend, but with your current state he couldn’t really pay attention to what Nate wants.

He quickly prepared you a cup with water, handing it to you “Here you go.” he said, his voice gentle. Max also drank of course, but he never went overboard with it. Especially now since it was his place, he had to take care of the other guests.

“Thanks, Maxie.” you giggled before taking the cup and sipping from it, some of the water running down your chin since your moves were still uncoordinated.

Nate shot you a dangerous look, more than glad that you were about to leave soon.

‘Thanks, Maxie.’

‘Maxie’

He wanted to bash Max’s head in, and he didn’t even do anything. “Do you need anything else? Maybe something to eat? I think there’s still some pizza left from earlier–” Nate quickly interjected “She’s fine, don’t worry..” he said harshly “I’ve got it under control.”

Max ignored Nate’s glare and kept his focus on you. “Are you sure you’re okay, Y/n?” he asked softly, his brows furrowed. “If you’re not feeling well, you shouldn’t be moving around too much.”

You nodded lazily but Nate was done “I told you, she’s fine!” he snapped “We’re just gonna leave, she needs to calm down somewhere quiet, right baby?”

You nodded slowly, as if you needed to process every word. Max nodded too, knowing he won’t be able to convince him. “I can call you guys a cab if you want to.” he offered, but Nate immediately shook his head.

“That’s not necessary, I’ll drive us home.” he declared, his tone dangerous. Max swallowed harshly, unable to believe he’d put you in danger like this. He knew that Nate smoked and drank earlier, so why was he doing this?

Sure, he knew that Nate was reckless and drive even when he drank. But with you in the passenger seat?

He glanced back at you, still worried but also well aware that if he pushed any further, he’d have Nate’s fist printed onto his face. Your hand gripped Nate’s forearm for balance as you looked at Max “I’ll be fine, don’t worry..” you said as you smiled lazily at him.

“Thank you for everything, and the.. the water.” You said as you stumbled past him. “Sure, no problem. Get home safe.” he said before watching you two exit the kitchen.

Once you two were back in the living room, Nate leaned down before sternly saying “We’re leaving. And you’re not gonna talk to him again, you understand?”

You clearly didn't process the possessive edge to his voice, and you were too tired to argue with him, so you just nodded "Yes, sir." you giggled, as you leaned against him.

Nate’s grip on you tightened as he sighed in relief “Good girl.”

When you two left Max's house, the cool air hit you like a truck, which was a good think because you seemed to come to your senses again. Nate led you to his car, roughly opening the passenger door before helping you sit down.

You leaned back, breathing evenly as you waited for Nate to get in, completely forgetting to buckle up. Once he was inside, he shot you a glare "buckle up." he ordered, his voice so low that it took you a moment to process what he said.

You nervously fumbled with the seatbelt, and after a moment of struggling, Nate leaned over, his faces inches away from yours as he snapped it into place. You couldn't help but admire his face, the way his long lashes made him look so innocent from your current position.

"There, all set." he mumbled before pulling out of the driveway and onto the street. The world outside was blurry, the streetlights flashing by as Nate drove much faster than was safe.

But it excited you in a way.

Your head snapped towards him as he started speaking. "Do you have any idea how crazy it drives me, seeing other guys talk to you like that?" He admited, his jaw clenched.

He wanted to yell his frustration out, show you how angry he was at Max for not minding his own business, and at you for just letting him intervene. But he couldn't explode in front of you, not now, not when he still had plans for the night.

You shook your head in response. "I meant it earlier, when I said that you're mine. You're my everything, and it pisses me off, when people like Max make me feel like you're not.."

He clenched his jaw as he gripped the steering wheel. "I want to beat the shit out of him whenever he just fucking looks at you." He continued, before you interrupted him "Nate.. you're driving so fast.." you pointed out, which caused Nate to scoff "Are you scared?"

You slowly shook your head, not sure if you were telling the truth and neither was Nate, so he stepped on the gas pedal, causing you to gasp.

Nate however was having the time of his life, smiling as he raced through the streets. "Nate, s-slow down.." you pleaded.

"That's the first time I've ever heard you say that.." he teased, causing you to hide your face behind your hands. "Aw, Y/n come on," Nate cooed "I just wanna get you home fast." he added, as he slowed down a little bit.

You sighed in relief, before you nodded. His hand made its way to your cold thigh, squeezing it as his eyes were glued to the road.

He tried to ignore it, but he had problems focusing. Not only because you were next to him and he was impatient, but also because of the alcohol in his system.

Every once in a while when he'd mix you a new drink, he'd also pour himself a cup. Sure, he was nowhere near as drunk as you were, but he was definitely tipsy.

And the way you looked at him didn't make it any easier for him. When the car came to a stop at a red light, he glared at you, as his grip on the steering wheel tightened "Keep looking at me like that, and we won't make it home."

You blinked at him, before furrowing your brows in confusion—which was so cute it made him want you even more. "Why?" You asked as your tilted your head in confusion.

Nate let out a low chuckle at your innocent question. "Why?" He echoed, as he smiled "Because I'll pull over right now and take you in my car, even if we're not far away from home." he promised, his hand wandering higher up your thigh.

Your breath hitched as you looked at him once more "Noo.. 's not comfortable in a car." You pouted, despite involuntarily spreading your thighs apart for his hand.

Nate chuckled once he noticed, slowly retrieving his hand in a testing way. "Good thing we're almost there." he murmured, retrieving his hand teasingly slow as he watched your reaction.

Once the traffic lights turned green again, Nate wasted no time, stepping on the gas pedal to make a sharp turn into his street. The car roared forward, tires screeching as he pulled into his driveway at an insane speed.

Before you could fully process it the engine turned off, leaving you both in deafening silence. Nate quickly turned towards you to unbuckle you.

Just as your hand reached for the door handle, his fingers wrapped around your arm—tight, almost bruising. He yanked you back toward him, his eyes burning into yours, and the intensity of his gaze both feared and excited to you.

The silence between you was heavy, you could hear nothing but the pounding of your own heart, each beat echoing in your ears.

But then, just as quickly as the storm in his eyes had flared, it disappeared. Nate exhaled slowly, his grip loosening before he let go entirely. He shoved his door open and stepped out, slamming it shut behind him with enough force to make the car shudder.

You sat there, stunned, your arm tingling where his fingers had been. What just happened? You barely had a moment to catch your breath before your door was ripped open.

Nate stood there, his eyes dark and unreadable. Without a word, he reached down, hands firm but careful this time, and lifted you effortlessly out of the car.

You gasped as he lifted you up and hoisted you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing, your legs dangling in front of his chest. "N-Nate–" you yelped, as you tried to hold onto anything.

Nate just chuckled darkly before lightly slapping your thigh just enough to make you gasp. "What?" he asked obliviously, as he took several steps toward his front door.

They way he was able to simply swing you over his shoulder, with no effort whatsoever sent a wave of heat through you. "Let me down.." you said, but your voice was more breathless than demanding.

"I will, don't worry." he assured you, and despite not being able to see his face, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

He reached his front door, unlocking it with one hand before finally entering. You still whined, the position you were in and the motion of him walking making you dizzy "Nate..." You complained, but Nate was quick to shut you up with a harsh slap on your butt.

You gasped, involuntarily rubbing your thighs together—which of course didn't go unnoticed by Nate. "Hey.. what was that for?" You pouted as your cheeks heated up.

"For whining so damn much." he retorted before finally lifting you off his shoulder and onto the ground. Once you stood in front of him, in the dark hallway, he glanced down at you with the same intensity he had in the car. He was quick to kick his shoes off, waiting for you to do the same, but you only stared at him with that look.

You just opened your mouth to talk, when Nate grabbed your face and leaned down to kiss you. The kiss was messy due to you being drunk, and caught off guard, but Nate didn't care. He pushed both of you against the nearest wall, a small thud following as you knocked something over on the small cabinet that stood there.

But Nate didn't really pay it any mind, too hellbent on feeling you, to care. His lips were back on you in a split second, his teeth grazing your bottom lip before tugging it gently.

You whimpered into his mouth when his hands roughly bunched your dress up, his movements becoming more desperate and urgent. He was just about to bunch it up far enough to catch a glimpse of your panties when—

click

Both of you froze, as you looked at the source of the sound, the hallway suddenly way brighter than before.

Standing just a few feet away was Nate's mom, looking both tired and surprised as she took in the scene in front of her: You pinned against the wall, hair disheveled and by the look of your face, definitively not sober.

Nate quickly let go of you before he ran a hand through his hair. You stumbled slightly at the loss of stability, but Nate was quick to steady you again. "Jesus, Nate," She sighed, somehow still relieved that it was just you two and not an intruder.

The tone of her voice seemed to wake you up from the state you were in. You scrambled to push your dress down again

"I-I.. Um.. we're so sorry." you nervously rambled, "Mom," Nate interrupted, his tone stern as he slowly looked towards her. "why are you up?"

Great, just what he needed.

Of course he wasn't embarrassed, he couldn't care less about his mom seeing you two like this. But he was mad at himself, for not taking you upstairs right away.

His mom scoffed "I woke up because of the noise. I thought someone broke into our house, Nate." You looked to the ground, you were so ashamed that you started to sober up a little bit.

"Sorry, didn't think we'd wake you up." He replied, almost too nonchalant. "Of course you didn't." She muttered, as she narrowed her eyes at him before glancing at you "Y/n, honey, are you okay? You look like you've had a little too much.."

You nodded slowly, trying to stammer out a response, but Nate was quick to speak for you "She's fine, I was just about to get her to bed." His mom nodded, but her face gave away that she didn't believe it. "Yeah, sure."

Nate rolled his eyes, before pulling you away from the wall "Good night, mom." he said, before walking you towards the stairs "Good Night, Marsha." you called out, before walking upstairs with Nate.

Once you two made your way into Nate's room, he was quick to close the door behind him. "Fucking finally.." He groaned, as he quickly locked his door. Then he turned towards you, taking in the sight of your flushed face.

He approached you with deliberate steps, and that alone got you more excited of what was to come. Without saying another word he closed the distance between you two, as his lips found yours in a heated kiss.

You whined in response, which enabled him to finally lead you over to his bed. He kissed you one last time, before pushing you onto his bed, your heel clad feet still outside.

He slowly went down on his knees, something you didn't expect to ever happen. His gaze was fixated on your feet as his hands slowly removed one of your heels "You know that I'd do anything for you, right?" he asked, his tone calmer than before.

You nodded, as you kept your gaze locked on his hands "And you know that I'm never gonna let anyone come between us, right?" you nodded again, slightly confused.

Nate placed one shoe onto the floor, before tending towards your other foot "Not even my parents?" You asked quietly, as you remembered their off putting behaviour earlier.

Nate looked up at you "Not even your parents." he assured you, wondering why you suddenly thought of them, and not the countless guys that can't help but stare at you every day. "Why do you ask?" He finally asked.

You shrugged "I don't know.. They were acting weird earlier. I feel like they're plotting something to break us up.." you admitted. "I didn't want to tell you earlier, because I wanted you to enjoy your party.”

Nate clenched his jaw, not because he was angry at you for telling him now, he was angry at your parents for constantly making you worry.

They're bad for you, no doubt. And he couldn't wait for the day you'd be free from them.

"Don't worry, princess," he cooed, as his hand wandered towards your knee, rubbing it comfortingly "You'll always be mine, they're not gonna stop me. Never." he assured you, before finally removing your other shoe and placing it next to the other one.

Then he stood up again, before disposing his shirt and tossing it onto the floor. Your eyes immediately moved from his face to his chest, still in awe at how muscular he was at his age.

When your hand reached out to touch him, he reached for it, before guiding it over his abs, down to the waistband of his jeans. He presses your palm against the growing bulge there.

"Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me," he rasps, his eyes closed as he enjoys your touch. Your eyes widen as you feel him in your hands. "Is that why you wanted to get home so fast?" You grinned, still bold because of the alcohol in your system.

Nate nodded, chuckling darkly "I wanted to leave with you the moment I saw you in that dress." he admitted, before opening his eyes, the sight of your face so close to his crotch almost ripped a moan from him.

What if he'd just use your mouth until you begged him to let you breathe again? Was all he could think about. It was your fault for looking up at him so innocently.

But once again he stayed strong. He didn't want your first blowjob to be while you're shitfaced, he wanted you to be fully aware while you do it.

When you felt him twitch in your hand, you removed your hand, blinking quickly "Is everything okay?" you asked concerned "Yeah, I just got lost in thoughts." he explained.

When your hand moved back to his jeans, and fumbled with his belt, he chuckled "Are you that impatient, baby?" he asked, his tone teasing. But you smirked in response "I think you're the one who's impatient." You retorted, a smirk etched onto your face that set something off in Nate.

You were so.. bold.

But it didn't bother him. In fact, it made him want to use you in every way possible, because he knew the moment he'd be inside you, that bratty attitude would disappear.

He always was so gentle with you, because he had no reason to be rough. But if you kept that act up, he might have to change his ways for the night. "Careful baby, you don't wanna make me mad." He warned, but his tone was still playful.

You pressed your thighs together at the subtle warning, god you needed him so bad. "Maybe I do." You smiled, before you realized what just slipped out of your mouth.

Nate scoffed, looking down at you as if you were the most prized possession ever. "Yeah? You think you could handle me getting mad?" Nate's voice was calm, as if he was testing the waters. His hands moved down to grip your thighs tightly as he bent down. "Because baby, I don't think you can."

"Try me." you challenged him playfully, clearly unaware of what you'd get yourself into. He chuckled drily as he shook his head. Then his gaze moved back to your face "I mean," you started as you shyly looked down "maybe you'll actually enjoy it that way.."

Nate's brows furrowed, as he tried to understand what you're implying "What do you mean?" he finally asked. You were fidgeting with your fingers as you pouted.

"I don't know.. I just feel like you're not fully enjoying it. At first I thought it's because I'm not attractive enough or anything," you stated, which resulted in Nate furrowing his brows even further because he couldn't believe you actually still thought that way. "but now I just think.. you're hiding something from me."

Why did you have to be so cute?

He searched your eyes, looking for a sign that he could tell you the truth without you being weirded out. Of course he enjoyed having sex with you, even when he wasn't his usual rough self. But even he couldn't deny the fact that he was holding back all the time.

He sighed before trying to find a way to explain it to you "I'm not hiding anything from you, it's just... I don't want to hurt you, or make you feel uncomfortable.." he explained.

You tilted your head, as you looked at him in confusion. "But I am comfortable with you. And.. if I'm uncomfortable with whatever it is you'd do, I'd tell you and we can just.. do something else." You assured him with a smile. He knew you wouldn't tell him you're uncomfortable.

You never did.

You didn't when Nate made you change your style, You didn't when Nate asked you to try on the lingerie and you sure as hell didn't, when he drove like a lunatic earlier.

Did he use that to his advantage? Definitely, but at the end of the day you can't be mad at him for crossing the line when you're too scared to tell him, right?

Nate sighed in response before shaking his head. You pouted as you looked up at him "What is it Nate.. tell me what you like." you pushed, to which Nate shook his head again "What is so bad that you can't even tell me?"

His jaw tensed, and for a moment it was so quiet, you thought he might ignore the question and get mad "I like control." he responded to which you furrowed your brows "But.. you are in control already.." you trailed off, confused by what he meant.

"Not like that, princess." he chuckled darkly, his patience wearing thin "Then how?" you pressed, your tone soft but insistent.

He ran his hand through his hair, sighing as he tried to find the right words "I don't just want control. I want all of you, completely." you blinked up at him, still as confused as before "But you have me, Nate." you whispered sincerely.

He shook his head, "Not the way I want." he finally admitted. "Then show me, or tell me how you want me." you whined as you looked up at him.

Nate searched your eyes for any sign of fear or doubt, but when he found none, he decided to tell you. He knew you still weren't sober, which meant that you'd react to it more casually.

And who knows, maybe you'd even forget about all of this once you'd wake up tomorrow. "I wanna make you beg for me, cry for me, fuck I just.." He groaned as he closed his eyes in an attempt to calm down.

But you still sat there, not even scared, like he feared. "Nate, I already told you that you can be yourself with me, and that I understand you. That also applies to this." You reminded him, as you took his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

You didn't want to admit it, the fact that you were excited, and that the thought of him being a little rougher ignited something within you. But you feared you might have to, in order to convince him to fully let go.

"And who knows.." you started, your tone playful, "maybe I'll like it better that way, too." you smirked, knowing that you probably would. "Let's just try it out, yeah?" you pressed, hoping to coax him in somehow.

He didn't respond, and the room filled with silence as he contemplated your words once more. With one final nod he leaned down to capture your lips in a soft kiss, a stark contrast for what was to come.

When he pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against yours as he whispered "I love you so fucking much, you know that?" you nodded, a soft smile on your lips. "I love you too."

He smiled back, but his smile didn't last long, as if a flip switched, his smile was replaced by an expression that made your stomach flip– a mix of hunger and want so intense, it felt like you've never seen it before.

His hands moved to the straps of your dress, his touch precise as he slid them down your arms. Once he reached your waist, he gave you a commanding look "Lift your hips for me, baby."

You immediately obeyed, as he pulled the dress off, leaving you in the special lingerie set Nate had bought you.

The one you wore during your first time.

His breath hitched for a moment before he chuckled breathlessly "Fuck.." he shook his head "you're insane." he declared, as his gaze lingered on your body.

You giggled in return "Am I?" you purred, as you shifted onto your knees and crawled further up the bed, giving him a perfect view of your backside.

For a moment he thought he'd lose it.

He'd already lose his mind when you were shy and anxious around him, always needing his reassurance for everything. But this? Seeing you all confident and seductive, almost as if you felt like you were in charge, probably turned him on just as much.

Because he knew he had the power to turn you into a mess in no time.

Nate was quick to undo his belt, and for some reason the sound of his belt clacking made you feel even more excited. Once he got rid of his pants, he climbed onto his bed, hovering over you.

You swallowed harshly, almost feeling like you got into trouble. He pushed one knee between your thighs, his two hands placed next to your head as he caged you under him.

"I'm gonna ruin you tonight." he simply stated, as his eyes bore into yours. But you only nodded and smiled up at him.

He leaned down towards your neck, his mouth leaving wet kisses along your sensitive skin, and for some reason that simple action already ripped a moan from you.

his kisses started becoming more hectic, until he finally started sucking a hickey onto your lower neck. You gasped, caught off guard by the pain, but growing to like it as your hand flew to his hair. "Mmh.. Nate.." you hummed, the ache between your thighs growing stronger.

Nate noticed it as well, simply by the way you started squirming under him, and the increasing speed of your breathing.

He lifted his head to look at you, smirking as he saw the desperation in your face. His hand moved down over your stomach, causing you to shudder, until it reached the waistband of your panties.

"You're so sensitive tonight," Nate chuckled when his hand wandered further down, feeling the wet patch on your panties.

Your mouth parted slightly when his fingers pressed onto the damp spot, your hips bucking up in response. "What got you so worked up?" He added, his finger moving in circular motions.

You struggled to form a coherent sentence, the only thing leaving your mouth being gasps and broken moans. "I-I.." Nate chuckled as he watched you struggle. "we h-haven't done this in... so long.. fuck." you interrupted yourself, as Nate slid past your panties and inserted one finger into you.

He could feel how tight you were, clearly proving your point. "Mhm, you're right.." he nodded, as he felt your walls pulsate around him "You could've just told me that you needed me." he muttered, before kissing along your jaw.

"You know I'd never turn you down." he added, before plunging another finger inside. You nodded as a whimper escaped your lips "I-I know.." you whined, as your hands fisted the bed sheets.

Nate paid close attention to your face, as your brows furrowed in concentration. When he angled his fingers higher, he watched as your eyes widened, and your breathing became more irregular.

"Right here?" he asked cockily, speeding up his movements. You nodded as a string of moans left your lips. "Fuck.. oh my god.." you groaned.

Nate loved it when you'd curse, not only did you sound incredibly hot while you did it, it also felt like he was ruining you more and more.

He knew you were close, so close to your release, but he couldn't allow you to cum yet. Not when he wanted you to beg for him. With one final run against your way too sensitive clit, he withdrew his fingers, and you immediately felt empty.

You looked up at him as if you couldn't believe what just happened, but Nate just chuckled "Relax, I just wanted to remove your panties." He lied, as his hands moved back to your waistband, this time he didn't even need to tell you to lift your hips before he pulled them off in one swift move.

He hummed in approval, before leaning down to press kisses onto your soft stomach. You squirmed in response, desperately trying to move higher up the bed just to feel his mouth closer to– "Why are you moving so much?"

Nate pulled you back down, before he continued to kiss along your belly "Nate, please.." you whined, causing Nate to smirk against your skin. "Yeah?" he asked, as he glanced up at you. "Can you.. use your fingers again?"

He nodded, before dragging his fingers along your abdomen, "Like this?" he asked with a completely straight face. You only groaned in response "No not like that!" you retorted, as your hand moved down to his wrist, attempting to drag his hand further south.

But to your surprise, his hand didn't budge a bit "Nate!" you scolded, sulking as you looked at him "Yeah?" he deadpanned, clearly aware of what you wanted "You need to be more specific with what you want, Baby." he explained.

You pouted "Can't I show you what I want?" you tried to move his hand lower, but again, he didn't budge. He shook his head in response "No, but you can tell me what you want."

You huffed, before rolling your eyes "I want your fingers, inside me." you instructed, your tone way too bratty for his liking. His eyes turned dark as he glared at you "So demanding.. why don't you beg for it then?"

You scoffed, unable to believe he was being serious "Nate, please, I'm begging you." you pleaded, still trying to wiggle into the right position. "That didn't sound like begging, more like.. pleading." He rasped as he traced his fingers lower, until they brushed lightly over your clit.

You gasped, still bucking your hips in search for stimulation. "Nate, please, I-I already begged." You whined, to which Nate hummed "Yeah, but it didn't sound convincing the first time." he responded, before circling a finger over your entrance, his eyes practically glued to your face.

You continued to move around, until he placed his other hand onto your stomach to hold you down. "Nate!" you whimpered, as you threw your head back. "Please, please." You begged once more, the sound music to his ears, "Please what?" he responded, his finger still circling your hole.

"I need your fingers.. inside me, please." You breathed out. He nodded, "Good girl." he said, before moving further up, his face inches away from yours. You looked up at him, your eyes slightly glossy.

When he finally plunged two fingers back into you with ease, your eyes rolled back, enjoying the moment. But it was only short lived because Nate was quick to pull them out again, still not done teasing you. You whined again, close to sobbing.

He held them up for you to see "Look at that," he stated, scissoring his fingers, the string of your wetness connecting them "See how wet you are already?" he asked condescendingly, knowing you'd probably turn shy again.

Except, you didn't.

You were way too desperate to be shy "I know, please, why did you stop?" you pouted instead, not even paying attention to the way his fingers were glistening.

Nate scoffed before complying and pushing them back inside, his eyes never leaving yours. You moaned in relief, relaxing again as he pumped them in and out.

You closed your eyes when his thumb started to toy with your nub, but opened them just as fast when he halted his movements. "Keep your eyes open." He demanded before continuing, "W-why?" you asked, as you blinked up at him.

"I want you to look at me." he reasoned, before leaning down even further, his hot breath fanning over your face. You tilted your head, your lips parting as if you silently asked for a kiss.

And he knew, of course he knew, his mouth curving into a smile. He leaned down just enough for his lips to brush over yours.

The soft touch, made your breath hitch and you instinctively chased his lips, but he kept pulling back, only allowing your lips to brush against his.

When you whined, your eyes turning glossy once again, he finally leaned in, kissing you deeply, as his fingers moved faster. You moaned into his mouth as your brows furrowed, you were close. So close again.

When Nate broke the kiss, his lips still millimeters away from yours you panted "I'm close.." you whimpered, "Yeah?" he asked, as he felt you clench around him, ready to finally let go. You nodded, bracing yourself as your hand moved to his shoulder.

You were about to let the feeling of bliss and relief wash over you, but Nate removed his hand completely from your mound. And you just stared up at him, tears clouding your vision as you were unable to believe he did that.

You sobbed, as your orgasm slipped away. Your hand was quick to move down, ready to relieve yourself but just as you reached your clit, Nate's strong hand gripped yours and pinned it down, next to your head.

You sobbed again, tears rolling down the side of your face as you panted. And Nate was reeling, he was sure that there hasn't been a single moment in his life were he was this hard.

He couldn't even say anything, for a moment he just watched you cry and struggle under him. "W-why are you.. why did you d-do that?" you sobbed, waiting for him to do something, anything.

He cooed, as his hand came up to wipe your tears away. "I'm sorry, Baby." He apologized, but even in your current state you could tell he wasn't serious.

He slid off the bed to remove his boxers, when he saw your hungry gaze, he chuckled. "Do you wanna take 'em off for me?" He asked, as he stepped closer to you. And as if on command, you rolled over towards him.

Nate waited until your shaky hands pulled his boxers down, his length slapping against his stomach as he stepped out of his boxers. You almost audibly moaned at the mere sight, still shocked by how big he is, especially up close.

Your hand stretched out to touch him, but Nate's hand was wrapped around your wrist once again. You looked up at him through your wet lashes, as if you were waiting for him to let go so you could touch him.

"Say please." He demanded softly, and you immediately obliged. "Please." You whispered. He removed his grip on you, watching intently as you wrapped your hand around him, stroking his erection softly.

Nate groaned, until you looked up at him again "Can I try... Can I.. put it in my mouth?" You asked eagerly, your tongue swiping over your lips.

The question caught him off guard, but he still nodded "Go ahead, princess, but be careful." he warned, knowing how inexperienced you were.

You nodded before opening your mouth wide, your hand slowly leading his head into your mouth. Nate inhaled sharply when his leaking tip came in contact with your tongue.

You wrapped your mouth around his head, trying to get used to the foreign feeling, and the salty taste of his precum. You looked up at him for a second, until his intense gaze became too much for you.

Nate chuckled breathlessly "No, keep looking at me." he rasped. His resolve was starting to crumble, as he looked into your shy eyes. You were determined to take more of him into your mouth.

Nate threaded his hand through your hair, as he watched you struggle. The urge to push your head further down, and force his cock down your throat was immense.

But he couldn't afford to break your trust, so he slowly pulled you off, a string of saliva connecting your mouth with his length. And as if on instinct, your head leaned in again, ready to take him back into your mouth.

Nate tightened his grip on your hair, as he chuckled darkly "Look at you," he taunted "so fucking needy for my cock." You whined in response, starting to feel shy again as you averted your gaze. Nate tugged on your hair, causing you to gasp and look back up at him. "Did you like it?" he asked, to which you nodded.

"Yeah, I bet you did.." he scoffed, as his gaze wandered to your thighs, which were desperately rubbing against each other. "Nate.. please." You whined as your desperation for him grew.

"Please what?" He pressed, despite knowing what you were asking for "Please fuck me, Nate, I'm begging you." You nearly cried out.

Nate groaned in response, in love with the way you begged for him. He nodded, removing his hand from your hair before he slid back into his bed. You turned back onto your back, your legs instantly welcoming him back.

He wanted to degrade you so bad.

When he hovered above you, he leaned down again, kissing along your collarbone and your neck, just to torture you further. When he heard you whimper and beg again, he decided to lift his head and stop, before his hands wandered below your back to unclasp your bra.

Once the bra was roses anywhere in his room, his mouth was back on you, this time on your breasts. Usually you loved having his mouth on you, but right now you needed him to be inside you. So you begged again, hoping he'd finally give in.

And he almost did.

He brushed the tip of his dick against your nub, causing you to shudder beneath him. He was just about to sink into you when he realized something.

He wasn't wearing a condom.

He knew you were too far gone to care or to realize, but he wasn't. He wanted to push the doubts aside, especially when he looked into your eyes, seeing the way you were aching for him.

But what about the consequences? Would it be in his favour if you'd end up pregnant? Maybe your parents would take you away from him, move again, or maybe, just maybe, it'd tie you two together in a way that no one— not Max, or your parents, or anyone else— could undo.

The thought hit him like a truck, it was so wrong but he just couldn't help himself. The thought of getting you pregnant was terrifyingly tempting.

And you were completely oblivious, what if this was his only chance? The only chance to make the right thing for both of you?

But he also knew that it wouldn't be as easy as he imagined it to be. You would be angry at him, because you trusted him, you'd know that he wasn't drunk enough to 'accidentally' get you pregnant.

But maybe he could explain it to you, maybe you'd understand—"Nate..? What's wrong?" You whispered, worried you had upset him somehow. Were you being too needy? Was he angry?

His jaw clenched as he tried to make a decision, his hand gripping your thigh so hard you were sure it would bruise. "You're mine.. right?" he suddenly asked, his tone serious.

You smiled, your fingers trailing up his arm, "Always." you whispered, your voice soft and breathless.

Always— that word, the way you reassured him.

His grip on your thighs remained tight as he hesitated, frozen in place. You didn't even notice, shifting beneath him impatiently, almost as if you were luring him in to give in.

God, he wanted to, he wanted nothing else in that moment. The thought of making you his once again, was intoxicating.

But you were drunk, and as much as he internally screamed at himself to do it, another part—one that you had practically implanted in him during the time of your relationship—told him to stop.

You deserved this, you deserved a chance to think this through. This could, and would, change everything, and he wasn't in the position to decide that now.

He nodded, before he reached over the bedside table and retrieved a condom from one of the drawers. He quickly ripped the package and tossed it away, before sliding it over his by now painfully hard erection.

His jaw was still clenched however, and he was confused by how much you had changed him. It bothered him in a way, made him feel like he became soft. Usually he wouldn't give a fuck about something being wrong.

What were you doing to him?

He lined up with your entrance, before immediately diving into you with ease, a groan leaving his lips as you immediately clenched around him. Your eyes rolled back as you released a long moan, more than happy that you finally got what you wanted.

He groaned as he set a ruthless pace, slamming into you as you tried to catch your breath. Nate grabbed your thighs and pushed them further towards your chest, allowing him to go even deeper.

It was as if a flip switched inside him. He seemed so calm just a moment ago, but now he was beyond frustrated, both because he held back this entire time, and because he didn't like the effect you had on him.

You didn't care though, completely blending his voice out as you tried to finally reach your high. You knew he was talking to you, saying something about how you were changing him, and how he was about to ruin you now, but despite all that, you were too focused on the feeling of his deep inside you.

Until his hand was suddenly wrapped around your throat.

Your eyes shot open as you stared at him "I said fucking look at me." he gritted through his teeth, his pace not faltering one bit. You blinked up at him as his hand tightened.

Based on the look on his face, you should be scared and try to calm him down. But you weren't scared, in fact it turned you on even more, because it was such a stark contrast to the way he usually treated you.

This is what you meant when you told him to let go, and to be himself. "Nate." You choked out, your eyes once again glassing over. It took him a moment to realize how hard he squeezed your throat.

And it turned him on so much.

The fact that he got to decide whether you'll breathe or not was so thrilling, but it quickly reminded him of the way he choked Maddy and how much of a deal it was.

He grunted, just about to loosen his grip, when he felt you clench around him, your pussy literally pulsating as you stared up at him. He smirked as he looked down at you, halting his movements "Fuck.. you're into this, aren't you?" he taunted.

When you didn't respond and only whined because he stopped rutting into you, he chuckled mockingly "You're acting like a fucking slut." he spat, as he leaned down closer, watching tears form in your eyes again.

He loosened his grip, allowing you to talk. But you only coughed and cried out "Nate p-please.. I was so close.." you sobbed, your voice raspy from the rough treatment Nate gave you just mere seconds ago.

He blinked, unable to believe you were solely focused on the fact that he stopped pleasuring you, instead of the the fact that he degraded you.

"I know, baby.." He slowly continued moving again, causing your eyes to roll back immediately as you moaned loudly. "It's just so much fun to tease you, I can't help myself.. You look so pretty when you cry for me." He explained as he trusted into you harder again.

You panted as your hand wrapped around Nate's wrist. Not because you wanted to pull his hand away from your throat, but because you just needed something to hold onto as he wrecked you. "Nate, I'm gonna cum.. fuck.." you warned, knowing this one would be intense.

He nodded squeezing your throat once again "Beg for it.. beg for me to let you cum." you didn't waste any time as you begged, "Please, fuck.. Nate please.." you whimpered, continuing to plead as tears were starting to build up again.

Nate would love to continue watching you like this: desperate, fucked out, crying, but he decided you must've suffered enough. So his hand moved from your throat down your body until his thumb landed on your clit.

You started panting, getting closer and closer to your orgasm until the relief finally washed over you. You felt the world blur around you as you let the intense feeling wash over you.

Nate watched in awe as your face started to contort in pleasure, knowing he was the reason. It brought him closer to his release, as he continued to thrust into you.

You blinked up at him as you lazily shook your head, overwhelmed by the pleasure. Nate only chuckled "What? Too much?" when you nodded, he continued "Weren't you begging for this just a moment ago? I think you can take it baby.."

You whimpered as he continued to push into you, it all felt too much for you as your shaky hand reached out for his cheek "Nate.. 's too much.." you whispered shakily.

Nate groaned in response, getting closer and closer. He just couldn't stop pounding into you, it felt too good to stop, and you sounded and looked so pretty.

Your eyes rolled back as Nate continued to hit all the right spots, despite you being sensitive and completely overwhelmed by the feeling you couldn’t help it. It all felt too good.

"Fuck.." Nate groaned when you squeezed him tightly. He knew he could make you cum again, and he was going to do it.

His mouth was glued onto your neck as he continued to flick your way too sensitive clit “Gonna be a good girl and cum for me again?” he mumbled onto your skin as his thrust grew more deliberate.

The way he called you a good girl had your eyes rolling back into your skull. His rhythm faltered slightly as he fought to hold back. His mind was filled with you —your sounds, the faint scent of your perfume mixed with your very own scent, how perfect you looked beneath him.

“Nate!” You moaned, the only thing on your mind as you reached your high a second time. As your walls contracted around him, his thrusts grew erratic, he removed his hand from your clit and gripped your thighs as he rammed into you with force.

His body seemed to move on pure instinct, his muscles tensed as he released a low guttural moan, cursing as his climax finally washed over him. He shuddered as he emptied himself inside you, wishing the condom wasn’t between you both.

He savoured every second of his orgasm as he buried himself deep inside you one final time, his head resting in your neck. Your shallow breathing filled the room, as you laid there sprawled out.

Your eyes were closed as you tried to catch your breath. You almost felt weightless as you almost drifted off to sleep. Nate noticed that, as he looked at your face. His thumb stroked gently asking your cheek “Y/n?” he called out softly.

Your eyes opened slowly “Yeah..” you managed to whisper. Nate chuckled once he was aware that you’re fine. “Too much for you, huh?” he taunted, his voice showing signs of pride and satisfaction.

You gave him a weak smile as you shook your head. “No..” You protested, but Nate was clearly aware that you were about to pass out any moment. He chuckled as he slowly pulled out of you, drawing a groan from you.

He sighed, as he removed the condom and threw it into the bin. He wanted to draw you a bath and dress you into his shirt, but as he got out of bed you pulled the blanket over you and rolled onto the side without uttering another word.

He just stared at you for a minute, admiring his work as he took in the sight of your disheveled hair, the marks on your neck—for which you’d definitely scold him later on.

He went to the bathroom to freshen up a little, before he walked to his bed, turned the lights off, and laid down next to you, pulling you against him as he did.

You truly were his

✎ Jesus this took so long lmao, but I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter (even if it’s basically just smut💀) again, feel free to leave nee feedback because it always helps me improve!! ♡

- Cassandra

Taglist:

@lilyrachelcassidy, @endless----love, @sophsss867, @jennnsthings, @digitalpup444, @vividfleur, @tsofo26, @lunalvrsblog, @sunshinedaisy21, @carley12041 @cc13723things, @amortentiaaaa, @wtrpxrks, @faeryggutz

#div.creds:kthice #div.creds:anitalenia #euphoria #euphoria imagine #jacob elordi imagine #jacob elordi x reader #jacob elordi x y/n #jacob elordi x you #nate euphoria #nate jacobs #nate jacobs imagine #nate jacobs scenario #nate jacobs smut #nate jacobs x reader #nate jacobs x y/n #nate jacobs x you

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4-the-l0ve-0f-art · 2 months ago

Text

I might or might not be thinking about the LADS love interests 24/7 so here are some of my random thoughts/notes on their personalities and relationship with the MC (not spoiler free):

I've seen a lot of people across platforms comparing zayne and sylus and stating they seem very similar even though that's not true at all.

On the surface, both of them do seem reserved and cold, but when you really analyze their characters and play through various stories it's evident that they're quite different. Even on the surface, Zayne, whether considered cold by his colleagues and interns or not, is popular and respected for both his research work and extra care towards his patients. Sylus, on the other hand, is feared and envied due to his power and control over the N-109 zone. He's known to be merciless and difficult to work with.

In terms of how they are with MC, both of them joke around with her and show their love in their own ways, just like the rest of the LIs. Zayne tries to make her laugh with his dry humor and shows his affection for her by being extra careful about her health and daily schedule outside of their doctor-patient relationship, but in a more "boyfriend" way like reminding her to sleep and eat on time (which MC does for him too) and offering to cook delicious yet nutritional meals to eat together. He also tells her he loves her through his words but in a more subtle/indirect way rather than outright stating it; saying "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?" on multiple occasions like the Abyssal Chaos special ending for him and some chats and event dialogues. He also likes to make time for her whenever he can, especially on the weekends, like the implied pottery workshop date from his affinity card. They're also physically intimate with each other like MC casually sitting on his lap in the heartbreaker rythm event, or Zayne patting her head on multiple occasions. In short, his preferred love language most of the time is acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.

Meanwhile, Sylus is playful and challenging towards the MC. He's bold and straightforward with his words; "I adore you." from an audio story or "I'm never annoyed when we do things together." from a claw machine voiceline. He also likes to buy things for her, like the gun he gifted her, custom clothes like a dress he mentions on his homepage voiceline at night (and the outfit you see MC wearing in his main storyline auction), a limited time plushie from a voicecall that the MC really wanted but couldn't get. He also gives MC access to the resources he accumulated over the years as the boss of Onychinus. His safe houses, armouries, and the base itself in the N-109 zone. Grand gestures like setting up fireworks outside her workplace as she clocks out and dinner date somewhere private for their anniversary is also something he does.We also know from his midnight secrets that they like to cuddle while sleeping or he likes to hold her hand or have a hand around her waist (from the main storyline chapters). In short, his preferred love language is words of affirmation, buying gifts, and physical touch most of the time.

Something random about Zayne and Sylus:

Zayne and MC like to write love letters and notes to each other (from the heartbreaker text you get after 3 starring the final bounty, I'm pretty sure.) Zayne also leaves some of his clothes at MC's place at times (a tie from an audio story). He also keeps mementos or items that remind him of MC in his hospital office (like a cup they made together in pottery class or the notes/letters MC writes for him.)

Sylus likes to show off when MC wins something at the claw machine (we know this from his voiceline about announcing it to the N-109 zone but we don't know if he actually does it) or gets a rare meow badge (from a moment post). He also has set of clothes ready for MC at his base and mansion (from an audio story). Sylus also likes to take MC on rides on his bike (I can't recall the source for this :sadface:). They also exchange music recommendations with each other.

Some of my notes on Xavier's personality and relationship with the MC:

Xavier and MC go on spontaneous food dates whenever both of them are free and hungry. They also read books together on a routinely basis (we know this from his birthday event) and also go on study dates sometimes to the library (this is from an audio story where MC was studying for her Hunter's exam in the library and Xavier was doing his own thing beside her)

Aside from how Xavier is with the MC, he doesn't seem to interact with people much and only keeps in touch with Jeremiah and some bookstore owner who he's friends with and spends most of his time either sleeping, fighting wanderers, or with MC. This is probably because he has had to change his identity alot while staying on Earth since he doesn't age.

Xavier isn't necessarily interested in botany but has a lot of plants in his apartment which also attracts birds of all kinds. The plants also seem to be thriving even though he doesn't go above and beyond to take care of them (I don't remember where this is from.) The reason he has alot of plants in his apartment though is because it was originally Jeremiah's apartment (from one of his anecdotes).

Xavier and MC like to people-watch together from their balconies. Xavier likes to text her when he sees something interesting (like the text about a cat outside their apartment or him spotting MC doing something). They also have a specific chat where they decide to people-watch together from their balconies though I can't remember the rest.

Xavier is an avid reader and has been following certain book series since their release (from an audio story where MC runs into him at a bookstore). He also lets MC borrow books from him (from a claw machine voiceline).

Some of my notes on Rafayel's personality and relationship with the MC:

Rafayel likes to spend time with MC and keep her around under the excuse of her being his bodyguard. Sending her on errands like buying art supplies for him and attending exhibitions and PR events with her (mentioned in multiple chats and moments). Thomas also likes to make use of this by having MC check on his painting progress occasionally and keep an eye/spy on him when he looks like he's going to do something suspicious (from an audio story where MC tails Rafayel on Thomas's request).

Rafeyel and MC go on beach dates and walks together often (This is from multiple texts, moments and stories). They also collect seashells for each other. I personally really love the whole ocean theme/symbolism Rafayel's character revolves around due to his Lemurian origin and connection with the sea. His love for his culture and his connection with anything sea related comes out in so many things related to him, from the location of his studio at Whitesand Bay to all the fish related jokes and comparisons he makes. His artwork from what we have seen in the chapter 1 end and the memory where he teaches MC how to paint also uses shades of blue commonly. (I think I like him so much because I love art myself LMAO)

Rafayel can cook seafood really well. Him and MC cook together sometimes and go on seafood dates (we know this from some of his audio stories and midnight secrets).

Rafayel and MC go diving into the deep sea together. Rafayel even showed her a whale whistle from his childhood that he kept in a Lemurian ruin (from an audio story where MC wanted to find a whale).

Rafayel does makeup really well and also has a certain knack for perfumes. He was invited to a perfume exhibition with MC in an audio story and did her makeup for her in another.

Aside from visual arts, Rafayel is a man of many talents. He can sculpt (from an audio story where he restored old sculptures), can sing and play many instruments, speaks multiple languages, has performed in Operas before, has good photography skills, and is well-versed in history and tradtions of many different cultures.

Rafayel and MC go to concerts and other performance dates together. He even keeps himself updated on MC's interests like live events of an artist she likes or following game updates of a game she plays (this is from their chats about concerts and game updates).

From what we have seen in world underneath stories or his anecdotes, Rafayel is cold towards people aside from MC and keeps everyone at a distance. His personality with MC is very open and carefree compared to people who approach him on their own like reporters or other lore related characters like bounty hunters from Ever group. He also seemed to be travelling to many places alone before he met MC in the main storyline and had Opera or other performances under a hidden identity.

All the LIs have killed someone for some reason or the other according to their lore.

Sylus' kills are the most obvious due to the nature of his work and him quite literally being a wanted criminal. From his first interaction with the MC in the main storyline to his anecdotes about raiding planets, we don't even have to expand on this.

Xavier and Rafayel have both killed people in their anecdotes right before the main storyline takes place, either to protect themselves or MC. Xavier was killing people from his home planet who were after him and Rafayel killed a bounty hunter. Interestingly so, both of them have huge bounties on their heads (Xavier's Lumiere identity has a bounty on it that we see put up in The Nest in one of the chapters). Rafayel, on the other hand, had an anecdote where he kills a bounty hunter from Ever who was after him. Another interesting thing is that Rafayel, Xavier, and Sylus all three seem to be connected to The Nest in some way or the other. Rafayel was at the Nest with MC in the main storyline, Xavier went there to gather information, and I'm not sure how Sylus might be related but I have a suspicion that he is LOL

Zayne's kills are the least obvious. Zayne, from what we know, hasn't killed anyone on purpose in the main timeline so far aside from his colleague William who turned into a wanderer at Mount Eternal. All of his kills have been in a different timeline even in his Anecdotes. Dawnbreaker does mercy killings in his world and the Foreseer has been implied to have killed the people who entered his tower.

This got surprisingly long LMAO

I might make a myth version on a seperate post for their individual myths once I play through them. And I'll probably be adding more onto this post if I have any other things I want to note down

Aside from that this is all basically just word vomit about the shit I think about related to them 😔

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anniflamma · 3 months ago

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This isn't a question, but rather a love letter to your art<3.

Thanks to you, I've started enjoying Greek mythology and the Bible again (I mean from a point of artistic, mythological, historical, and theological analysis; my status with any kind of religion is being agnostic XD).

And I already enjoyed Epic the Musical, but I really love the designs you make, how you empathize with the symbolism and lore of the Gods when designing them, and how you make Odysseus so human with his crude expressions that makes me empathize with him (And he's one of the characters I hated the most from Greek mythology lol)

And then there’s your art about the bible, I have to admit that I tend to avoid the biblical religion because of the weight it still has on our daily lives, the damage it has done from the past to this day, and how they deny it with current hypocrisy (I live in Spain, there the official religion is catholic), but your lgbt drawings have really encouraged me to open the bible and see it from an objective and neutral point of view, and just enjoy it as another book and not as something I’m forced to follow.

Also I didn’t know there was so much LGBT content in the bible XD Seriously, thank you so much, if you had a patreon, I would pay you for the amount of happiness and culture you have given me (^///^)

By the way, reading your posts I found out that you recently experienced an internet drama that has become so popular lately. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that both you and that poor artist had to go through this, that human hypocrisy has no limits or shame, and that I agree with everything you say. Just because we like a character or an author doesn't mean we agree with their crimes or ideologies.

I hope you have a nice day<3

Hi! I’m sorry it took me a while to respond! I mean it, I’ve read this over and over, and it makes me so happy. I’ve been thinking about how to respond, but sometimes it's hard to get it out into words.

It makes me so happy that my biggest interests make others interested in it too. Heck, when people ask questions, I get all giddy!

Talking about biblical/christian saints, greek myths, history, different cultural views and changes was kind of the whole point of why I started this tumblr blog. I have so many drafts filled with random info about LGBTQ+ saints..... Now… I post mostly thirsty drawings of greek gods with hairy chests... T.T

And I sympathize a lot when it comes to religious trauma. I consider myself lucky in these matters, my mom is Catholic, and she has her views that I don’t agree with and hurtful. Yet she still supports me in her way and watching my bible retelling animatics, everytime I post a new bible animatic, she writes me: "What have you done to Daniel..."

I also have my hurts and anger towards hypocrisies too, and I guess this is my way of countering that?

LGBT content in the Bible is something that really fascinates me. I think it's important to keep in mind that people from about 2,500 years ago had very different views when it came to gender and sex compared to how we see it today. In a way, the Bible does have strict social gender expectations, and if you didn’t fit in, then you weren’t considered part of that gender. But at the same time, it acknowledges that your sex. I think it’s in the Talmud were it discusses the fact that, throughout the Bible, there were about eight genders:

Zachar: male.

Nekevah: female.

Androgynos: having both male and female characteristics.

Tumtum: lacking sexual characteristics.

Aylonit hamah: identified as female at birth but later naturally developed male characteristics.

Aylonit adam: identified as female at birth but later developed male characteristics through human intervention.

Saris hamah: identified as male at birth but later naturally developed female characteristics.

Saris adam: identified as male at birth but later developed female characteristics through human intervention.

Some scholars even believe that Abraham and Sarah were Tumtum. A Tumtum is not considered to be very distinct but rather flexible between male and female sex/gender—"sometimes he is a man, and sometimes he is a woman." The simple fact that God said Abraham had a womb and from it, he would have children. Some say that this is why he is a Tumtum, while some historical linguists argue that ancient Hebrew didn’t have the vocabulary for male genitalia yet. Both arguments are valid, and I like them both!

There’s tons of stuff I could bring up—Joseph with his princess dress, Naomi and Ruth, David and Jonathan, and the discussions around whether Daniel was a Saris Hamah or a Saris Adam. We know he was called a saris, but we’re just not sure which. And then there's Jael, whose story is filled with a lot of phallic symbolism, and even her name is very gender-neutral.

I think I’m going to end here. I could yap about these things forever! But thank you again taking your time writing to me and I hope you also have a nice day! <3

#asks #bible #ancient queer history

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kalki-tarot · 1 year ago

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Love & Career in 2024 🖤🍷💸

@kalki-tarot

I'll be using tarot cards and my own intuition so it may not resonate with everyone. Keep in mind that this reading is purely for entertainment purposes so be mindful of your own actions and choices. I'm not responsible for any decisions you make on behalf of my readings.

Pick a pile masterlist 🖤

Pile 01

8 wands, 6 wands, page of swords, queen of swords, knight of pentacles

Hello beautiful souls 💓

Let's talk about your career first. I'm seeing you getting praised or popular very fastly. If you're manifesting something career related then it's your sign it's gonna enter your life soon! You'll get a promotion at your workplace and if you're still studying then I'm seeing you're gonna be the top student of your class. Everyone will praise you and you'll be in Everyone's talks and gossips about how did you achieve it.

If some things got stuck or stagnant then a change is coming soon. All this stagnant energy will flow away and new creative and inspiring energy will lead you towards success my dear pile 1. Don't worry just be consistent and your efforts will be recognized and appreciated very soon.

New ideas will be put into action or will be manifested in reality. If you wanna start a new course then it's the right time to do so. I'm seeing communication for you too. You'll get new opportunities and will make new contacts and connections in your work life which will help you alot leveling up more.

Your overall energy is the Queen of swords which tells me that this year, you'll just focus on your goals and won't spend too much time thinking about the bs. Your plans would be clear cut and will be put into action. I'm not seeing you procrastinating or smth like that. It's a very fast, quick and easy going energy, but stable throughout.

New opportunities on the way! I'm seeing you getting a job letter or something like that. If you're struggling with getting a job then an opportunity is out there in 2024! So be ready ♡

2 wands, 8 wands, 9 pentacles, Temperance, 6 swords, 9 swords ( 5 pentacles, the devil, 4 pentacles, the moon, 5 swords)

Woah! You know what pile 1, we need to let go of some things before before it's too late. We need to let go of things even if it hurts only for our own good. The bad or good news is I'm seeing you breaking up or finally letting go of a toxic relationship or love. You've held it in for so long and in 2024, I'm seeing you releasing all of that. It's better to leave than being left out in the cold, right?

2024 is the year of a fresh start and ending the cycles. It's the year to relax and heal. It's great that you're walking away from such people. I know it takes a lot of strength and courage to do that and you have the guts to leave someone so toxic and unhealthy for you. I'm not necessarily seeing someone new entering in your life. I'm seeing YOU, choosing to walk away from this situation.

You'll know that the grass is greener on the other side. You'll explore new things in love. Maybe go on a few dates? By the end of 2024, you'll be balanced spiritually and physically. You'll be properly healed and you'll discover much more about yourself rather than other people. It's necessary to know ourselves before trying to understand some one else. That's it for you, please reblog this post if you liked it. Thanks ♡

Pile 02

3 of swords, page of pentacles, ace of swords, 6 of wands, the devil, 8 of wands

Career wise, Things may get a little rocky for you this year. But don't worry, with extra caution and mindfulness you'll be able to thrive through this. The advice I'm getting for is to not take any shortcuts for success to come fast, as it'll only result in your own downfall.

Be careful of people who look very nice and popular as they're not what they seem from their outer side. Just focus on grabbing opportunities and working truthfully for yourself and your loved ones. Your creative energy would be at peak this year, it's time for you to realize your potential and work with it next year.

Your 2024 is the year to hustle hard so be dedicated to your work/study. Lot's of success will be at your door if you don't fall into any traps.

Knight of cups, wheel of fortune, 9 of pentacles, 4 of pentacles, the hermit, 7 of wands ( 9 swords & 8 pentacles )

Wow babe! You've done lots of healing and lot's of self care in 2023! And now it's the time for love finally coming into your life through divine intervention in 2024. As we have the wheel of fortune here, I'm seeing You've finally let go of the old cycles and karmic patterns.

The old thinking patterns and attachment wounds will be healed. You'll fight your way through this very powerfully. You've done a lot of self introspection and self discovery in 2023.

You are one step ahead of pile 1, you're asked to just go with flow and let the universe guide you through the vast ocean of sadness to the never ending love. A romantic, water sign energy may approach you with love 👀 next year. Abundance and clarity will flow through just don't complex your emotions any more. Trust your intuition and let it guide you.

That's it! Pile 2 ♡ If this helped you a little bit please comment and reblog xoxo

Pile 03

The magician, Temperanc, ace of wands, 8 wands, ace of cups, the fool (king of cups)

The year 2024 will bring you lots of emotional satisfaction in terms of your career. You would be a successful person, but with the right actions and decisions. Create a path for yourself and walk on it. You should have the desire amd commitment if you wanna achieve something in life.

In 2024, there is a need for you to have a clear mindset snd step wise approach. Do everything in a proper balance. Good things take time to manifest. Your dedication and ability to stay composed under pressure will help you stand out.

Whatever you're thinking about, go for it. Just "go for it", don't think too much if that gives you happiness. Whether you've been thinking about launching a project or reaching out to a new networking connection, 2024 is the time.

Next year would be an year of swift progress and rapid growth. Everything will seem so fast and would gain momentum. You may even travel for work.

Something would be headed your way in your professional life, whether that's a new job, a new responsibility within your current role, or even a new business partner or connection, a new and promising path may be opening up.

You'll overall enjoy this year in terms of your professional or career life.

10 swords, 2 of wands, knight of pentacles, 5 of pentacles, queen of swords, 5 of wands, the tower ( 9 swords, 7 cups, magician )

Listen pile 3, to be honest 2024 would be rocky for you, you know. I channeled that you should not go alone in clubs or pubs or take any drinks with strangers. Be careful guys.

For some of you I'm getting that you guys are just staying single this year and focusing more on your self growth and options in love. You may solo travel or go on solo dates. You know loving yourself and all.

You may actually reach out to a therapist if your experiences were not so good in love before. If not, then I'm seeing you reaching out for yourself, my love. You're giving yourself the love and warmth you've never received from anyone else. You're now, not letting bs people get into your life and make a hell out of it. You're tryna stay healthy and happy.

For some of you, there's an advice of manifesting new love in your life. Get into that mindset. List down all the qualities you want in a partner and visualizing would also help you.

I'm seeing a divorce for some of you, or even a legal matter that involves a person you once loved. They probably lied and deceived you. You may fight for yourself in the court this year. Sending Lots of hugs and love to you dear if this is happening to you. Stay strong and you'll be more blessed. 💓✨️

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aesthetixhoe · 2 years ago

Text

paparazzi — J.C.

warnings: cursing, angst, mentions of anxiety/self worth issues,

word count: ---

pronouns used: none!

request: can u write where like us and jack are out like at the mall abd fans come up to us asking for photos and all that? (were also a actor/actress. idk is this made sense to u😭)

authors note: I added a bit of other stuff into this, so sorry if this isn't what you wanted. i love this idea deeply! <3

Being an actor and going to the mall was... Stressful. You never knew if you would be recognized, so you always had to wear presentable clothing, plus you didn't know if the people who would recognize would even like you.

The mall was no exception. With the endless stores filled with fellow teenagers and young adults who knew both you and Jack, there was bound to be at least one person who knew you.

Going out with Jack was easier than being alone. He's always there to tell you that no matter who you see, or how they feel about you, you still have fans that love you... Including him. He'll hold your hand, and tell you to squeeze it if you get anxious, give you more small kisses than usual (which is already a lot). The PDA worries you further, thinking that if someone who likes him more sees you two kissing that they'll post about it and try cancelling you or something, but the love is worth it.

You came to the mall to go shopping, you needed some more casual clothes, and Jack needed some higher end items for a premier. Walking into the mall was thankfully uneventful, but once you got further into the populace of the mall, that's when the pictures started.

It wasn't paparazzi standing right inside waiting to run you down but to get pictures, but there were teenage girls who found Jack attractive. While you were also an actor, and have also been in popular things, you weren't a hot boy...

“Oh my god! You're Jack Champion. Holy shit, can we get a picture with you?!” And so it started. He obviously said yes and you moved to the side, not before he kissed your hand though. He wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulder, smiling big for her friend with the camera. They switched so the previous camera girl could get in on it. They thanked him before walking past, both still bright red, slightly shaky and whispering about how cute he was. You had to agree.

About every 30 feet was another person asking for a picture, or autograph. He would stop and gladly do whatever pose they asked for, or sign whatever they wanted. He loved all of his fans, and was willing to do anything for them.

After splitting up and going to your designated stores to buy the items you needed, you two found each other.

The walk to leave was mostly uninterrupted, just a few people recognizing you two and taking pictures. “Looks like we have some paparazzi huh?” Jack jokes, smiling at you. God he's so pretty.

“Yeah...” You say in mindless agreement. You were too busy looking at his smile and the way it made his eye squint slightly.

“Stop staring.” He says as he blushes and looks away. He loves your attention, but it doesn't stop him from blushing every time.

Once you two were home you spent time scrolling through Instagram, looking at the posts jack was tagged in, seeing all the pictures fans had taken with him.

Then... There was a picture of you.

It was a “news” Instagram account that posted celebrity sightings.

“Ah, I see you've found the stalker photos...” Jack chuckles as he approaches the back of the couch. He puts his chin on your shoulder watching as you scroll through the pictures.

“Yeah. I'm actually... Kinda flattered?” You almost ask. He hops over the back of the couch to join you in sitting. He looks at you questioningly.

“What do you mean?” He asks quietly. You hated having candids taken, they ‘always looked bad.’

You look at him before looking down embarrassed. “Well... Normally it's just pictures of you. And I hate photos, you know that, but... It feels nice to be recognized. I just feel like an accessory to you sometimes...” You admit softly.

He grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. Once you make eye contact, both of his hands settle on either of your cheeks to keep your head steady.

“[Y/n], you'll never be an accessory. You're your own person. You're an amazing actor, and an even better person.” He states into your eyes, and you can feel something. Something warm deep inside of your stomach. Something in your chest, like you'd just drank a hot drink on a cold day that warmed up your insides.

“I love you.” You breathe out, thoughtlessly. Thoughtlessly.

Your eyes widen in shock as your mouth falls agape. You actually said it... Holy shit. He's silent. Oh fuck. Oh god. This was such a mistake.

“Jack, I am so sorry. I-I wasn't thinking and it just fell out and I know we haven't said it yet, and I don't want you to feel obligated to say it back but I just-”

“I love you too.” He smiles softly, leaning in to kiss your lips. It felt like the stars aligned and the earth stopped spinning and time stopped and everything else people use to describe being in love.

You pull away, looking into his eyes, tears welling in yours. “Are you ok? Should I not have said it?” He asks, brows furrowed in worry.

“No!” You exclaim grinning, then reaching your fingers to the nape of his neck, “I'm just so in love with you.”

#x reader #fluff #jack champion head cannon #jack champion x reader #jack champion #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #scream 6 #scream 6 x reader #hoe writes

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tofupixel · 5 months ago

Note

Thank you for getting me to finally try pixel art! I‘ve always wanted to get into pixel art but I never knew what to start with and always ended up procrastinating. Your blog and the post you made on learning pixel art were what finally pushed me to give it a go. It was really helpful and I managed this little animation in Libresprite.

I definitely want to improve and your art is like the ultimate goal lol. Do you have any tips or instructions for how to get better or on what to focus on in the future? I‘d appreciate any kind of criticism/input you are willing to give! How do you manage to make such gigantic and beautiful landscapes?

thank you!! and i'm so happy you decided to give it a real go, you're doing great already!! the rendering on the body and the pink shading is really nice.

i can help a little with animation stuff but i'm not an expert, ill write something out about backgrounds at the end

i hope you don't mind but i edited the sprite a little, just to illustrate some stuff

🤺Animation stuff

i added an extra frame near the top of the arc so it slows down. this is called ease or slow in/out and usually happens at the beginning and end of movements. u can do even more slow but this is just a quick version

i also removed the middle frame (where the tail is straight down) to make the swing appear a bit more powerful. this could be the principle of timing in the same video. you can exaggerate smears if you do this, its up to you!! lately i tend to exaggerate stuff a lot, things arent super noticable in motion

i also got a good bit of advice from nickwoz that helped me, basically when you begin to animate, it really puts the rest of the sprite being still into focus. try to think of how you could animate other parts of the body, even subtly. and sometimes if individual pixels stay still they can catch the eye in an unintended way as well, just keep it in mind!!

if you want to learn animation more, you could take a look at duelyst sprites, they have incredible idle and ability animations, i study them a lot

heres one i downloaded a long time ago. i recommend just downloading stuff you like and looking at it!! i have a huge collection of pixel inspo. slowing animations down can really help you understand whats going on. its just a bunch of simple elements put together that makes it look so good.

IF U WANT MORE RESOURCES/ARTISTS I REOCMMEND TO GO AND STUDY LMK!!! IM LIKE A WIKIPEDIA, I AM A BIG FAN of pixel art and love to share

🌿 OK lets talk about landscape stuff

it looks like you have art experience already, but im gonna talk as if youre a complete noob cos it might help some other people who read this!! ur doing great 👍

❓ how to learn: study (and practise a lot)

what i mean by study: draw it, copy it, try to understand it. you can try to change characteristics about it. changing the angle or lighting can help u understand how something works in 3 dimensions.

sometimes it takes time, dont worry, you will figure out your own style through doing studies, its all a process

❓ how to draw landscape details?

study pixel artists and how they do it recommendations: fool, slym, jubilee, deceiver

also please look at real world references!! you got to build that visual library

❓ how to learn composition?

study traditional artists or animation. i did a ton of studies of ghibli backgrounds which i think helped my growth a lot recommendations: arcane, studio ghibli, traditional painters

im gonna break down a piece as well and maybe that will help. this is one from 2022 but its still one of my most popular and its pretty simple too!!

if we remove all the fancy stuff what we have is actually really simple. just a few large, overlapping shapes that all point towards our focal point. it's the brightest area with the most contrast and many edges point into it.

go to pinterest or google and just search "pretty landscape" or "mountains" or something and you can see what i'm doing is nothing special or unique!! break it down into bigger shapes to begin with, its just different areas of material mostly.

and heres how you can make any landscape from any colours. purple sky or mountain? orange grass? ok !! it all works, it doesnt matter. i just blend the colours.

when parts of the landscape are in the distance they become closer to the sky colour as there is more "sky" in between you and it. its called atmospheric perspective. so if the sky was red, the clouds would fade towards red.

OKKK i dont know what else to say so i hope that helps!! honestly 90% of what i do is intuitive and hard for me to really explain, so you dont have to know The Rules, you just kind of pick up stuff as you go.

GL and thanks so much for showing me your art!! please keep going!! 💕💕💕💕

#qna #tutorial #pixel art tutorial #colour theory #animation

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bebebelll · 1 year ago

Text

does anyone know her dad? | dn3 x reader (part 3)

paring: daniel ricciardo x toto's daughter!reader, daniel ricciardo x wolff & shcumacher!reader warning: nothing (google translated german because i studied that language for 2 years and dont know a single word anymore) notes: part 1, part 2 and part 4 are recommended reading

ynquads god i love what the us grand prixs do to this man. there's something in the air and the cowboy hats are hot. i truly feel really blessed to have met you, to spend my life with you, to have been by your side and to have had you by mine. i just really love you ❤️❤️❤️

liked by danielricciardo, susie_wolff and 1 184 537 others

username haha jumping off a building now bye

danielricciardo you really love me ❤️

ynquads i really really love you danielricciardo really really really? ynquads really really really really danielricciardo wanna sneak out and go makeout? ynquads YEAH alex_albon no please dont we're on the same plane the restroom is small the walls are thin

maxverstappen1 gross

username sobbing screaming throwing up (fuck i am jealous)

danielricciardo i am so obsessed with you baby

ynquads i fucking adore you

f1wagsupdate as we all know that the figure skater and danny ric's girlfriend yn shcumacher is the child of toto wolff and michael shcumacher's sister, we decided to go on a deep dive. these are really the only photos we could find from facebook. we could only find this one photo of katarina shcumacher and not a single one her and toto together. but isn't toto just adorable with baby yn? and enjoy baby yn and max verstappen looking super cool!

liked by 46 956

username MAX VERSTAPPEN

username how is mick not using that last photo every year on their birthdays like i would print a pic like that of my siblings and put them up around school hallways and on the fridge

ynquads do not worry, auntie sophie and vic show that photo around every christmas

username ooh its too bad theres no photos of them together

username same bro i cant stop imagining some summer love ynquads they met a bar in berlin and got so fucking drunk that its a miracle they didn't get alcohol poisoning. i am so truly so really serious when i say that i'd be surprised if they even exchanged names before i was already cooking in my mom's stomach username what the fuck you saying ynquads i've seen an old homevideo about the morning after. i talk about it in therapy every week

username i love how yn is just lurking around every post about her and her parents

yt video: YN SHCUMACHER ATTENDS COTA - BRUNDLE GRIDWALK

comments:

username love the passive aggressive attitude to every camera she saw

username truly a lovely experience. yn kissed daniel before the race. she kissed max's cheek when he won and said something scandalous in german/dutch based on everyone's faces. i also saw a video of her laughing on the ground when lewis dsq was announced

username WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY SAYING IS THAT GERMAN

username yn: they are filming you, dad. you are very popular. toto: dont give them too much attention. you had a long flight. you just go and take a nap before the race. brundle and toto talk yn: well see how intact our relationship is after the race username intact 😂😂 lord that really is torger's kid

danielricciardo this woman is the single reason ive survived some darker times. she's so beautiful, lovely and sweet. elegant on and off the ice ❤️❤️the day i do not gush and drool about her is the day i'm dead. so in love

liked by ynquads and 2 487 577 others

username why am i crying

username cant come to the phone right now busy driving through concrete walls and off a cliff

ynquads i am THE luckiest girl ❤️❤️❤️

danielricciardo if youre lucky then ive been blessed by god ynquads dont you dare i win this danielricciardo youre not the one who was just on their knees i win ynquads come here and ill wrestle you danielricciardo only if you kiss the booboos better after

username am i the only one getting real suspicious about these "i love you much" post that they've been putting out for the entire month??? like what you doing all this for

username EXACTLY username they've been together for like four or five years too sooooo you know what people do around that timestamp 🤭🤭🤭

username just what the hell is that comment about being on their knees daniel

ynquads instagram story

danielricciardo funny thing about vegas

liked by ynquads, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1 and 3 483 573 others

username BITCH WHAT

susie_wolff if you got married in a las vegas chappel, you are grounded till your 80th birthday yn - toto wolff

ynquads i didn't actually expect to love being engage this much

danielricciardo whats got you excited about this then? ynquads the fact that im gonna get to marry YOU maxverstappen1 stop being gross maxverstappen1 i already suffered through watching the proposal

username love this i want to snort this i want to inject this into my blood but did you get engaged and then eat junkfood while watching princess diaries 2

ynquads don't tell anyone 🤫 danielricciardo really dont tell anyone that amount of junkfood was not in the diet plan

@topguncultleader @eternalharry

#formula 1 x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo insta au #toto wolff #f1 x reader #formula 1 social media au

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piasargeant · 20 days ago

Text

Quick rant but I've been holding this in for too long. It's long so if you don't wanna hear me rant about Logan Sargeant and the shit he endured, just keep scrolling. Another warning, it is dramatic and I spill how I've been feeling these past few months, so just a heads up it's a lot to process and VERY dramatic so again I'm sorry if it's too much.

What pissed me off about Logan getting dropped is not just that he got dropped, but the way Williams handled it. How are you going to claim you are still going to support Logan in his racing career, but can't even have the decency to announce him being dropped BEFORE announcing who is replacing him. Hell, even your goodbye post was dreadful to read. Not even caring enough to put a simple paragraph. It's sad. Fucking Alex Albon and DURACELL gave him a better goodbye than that, giving him a whole post and a paragraph or more to wish him well, and Alex actually talked about him during a press conference, and it actually made me cry it was so well worded. But even JAMES VOWLES, THE TEAM PRINCIPLE, who said he saw something in Logan, said he has reached a limit to what he can achieve. You were supposed to be the one person who is supposed to help build his confidence, but you only tore him down. It's disgusting.

Also how the rest of the grid treated him. There were very few drivers that followed him on Instagram, so that's just one thing that shows how outcast-ed he was. And for what? Because he is American? Who knows, but it's just not ok. I don't have much to say on this for now because it's not a big deal, just a bit sad in my opinion.

Now onto Franco, I must make it clear that I do not have anything against him. He is extremely talented and seems like a very nice person, and I can see him having a bright future in F1, if given the chance. Now, that being said, the comparison to the way Franco is being treated to the way Logan was treated is genuinely ridiculous. For example, Logan crashes, he deserves to be taken out of the sport or have his seat revoked. Franco crashes, it's automatically the cars fault, and it's not fair to him that the car is so bad. Tell me, how does that make any sense?? For Logan, it's always his fault, but for Franco, it's the car. It's unfair. When the announcement came out that he was being dropped, there were little-to-no comments from any drivers on the grid that were wishing him well. But when Franco was announced?? That's a whole other story. So many drivers welcomed him to the grid. And I mean so many. There were quite a few. The amount of comments on the Williams posts whenever he crashes are always kind and saying the car is shit, but the comments on when Logan crashed?? Every single comment was saying that he should be dropped and how shit he was. How is that fair??

When Daniel got dropped, every single driver was in the comments wishing him well and showing him support, and again, I understand why because Daniel was in the sport for YEARS and everyone loved him and made such an impact in the sport, and I personally love him, he is in my top three favorite drivers, but its just common courtesy to wish someone well even though you may not know then or they were not there for long, because the comparison to Daniel's comment section and Logan's comment section is INSANE. Again, I get Daniel is more popular and well known and loved, but its still crazy to me and it might just be me who thinks that, but I don't care. I will be honest, every driver drop that occured this season was so shit, it's sad. How are you going to be a whole ass adult in an ADULT SPORT and not know human decency?? For Logan, Daniel, AND Esteban, the whole thing was handled so poorly. Alpine, why drop a driver on the LAST RACE OF THE SEASON?? Like what??

I just watched a video of when Logan was talking about how the number 3 was (obviously) taken when coming into F1, and the comment section was WILD. They were hating on him for just saying the number was taken and how he had used that number for other series, but the comments were bashing him and calling him names (saw someone call him a 'trumpie' and it's just like ??? wtf when has he ever said who he supports in the election like?? I'm pretty sure (by contract) he is not allowed to talk about polictics so idk where they got that but whatever ig). I get some people may think he isn't a good driver but he has never EVER shown that he was ever a bad person, so if you hate him than you actually don't have a reason too.

I might be going a bit over board and acting dramatic but it genuinely crushes me seeing how poorly he was treated in the sport. BUT I am so happy to see him doing so much better and thriving now that he doesn't have to deal with the shitty treatment he endured in F1, and now people can see that it wasn't Logan's fault, but that the car is just shit, seeing how horribly the car has performed these last few months.

Again, sorry that this is so long, everything just sorta snapped from being on tik tok too much, and I just couldn't anymore. Sorry if this is too dramatic because I really had to get my point across 😭😭 But anyway this is a Logan Sargeant, Oscar Piastri, Alex Albon, and Duracell appreciation post. Thank you for showing Logan that you care and actually appreciate him. Thank you so much 💗 Logan, I am so excited to see you race in the Le Mans series, and hope to see you even more in the future in Indycar!! 💙💙

#fuck james vowles #formula one #formula 1 #logan sargeant #ls2 #daniel ricciardo #alex albon #oscar piastri #franco colapinto #williams racing

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kindestofkings · 9 months ago

Text

nepobaby² [pt.2]

elijah hewson x pop singer! reader

description: people hate to see a hot girl killing it, so much so that tmz starts rumours that spread like wildfire.

authors note: heyy this is a random part two to this ! so go enjoy and tell me what you think :))

tmz

liked by inhalerfan1 and others

tmz 🚨 Scandal Alert 🚨 TMZ exclusive: Shocking photos reveal yourusername caught in a steamy affair with a Saltburn's heartthrob Barry Keoghan, despite being in a relationship of over 3 years! 😱💔

Stay tuned as we uncover all the juicy details behind this explosive cheating scandal.

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inhalerfan1 omg what a slut! always knew she was no good for Eli

inhalerfan2 she's so fame hungry going after the most popular irish celeb, watch out paul mescal

ynfan1 nooooo girl nooooo

ynfanupdates

liked by ynfan1 and others

ynfanupdates ehhhh guys did you see all this?? yn and eli were spotted together like a week ago what the hell is going on??

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ynfan1 I refuse to believe this is true, she's not like that

inhalerfan2 oh and you know her so well do you? ynfan1 maybe not but I do know tmz have lied in the past! they have no journalistic integrity

ynfan2 she must of really REALLY enjoyed saltburn

inhalerfan1 I will never listen to her again disgusting behaviour

deuxmoi

liked by inhalerfan1 and others

deuxmoi just hours after the news broke that his girlfriend of 3 years is cheating on him, elijah hewson is the picture of heartbroken at his show and their interviews :(

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inhalerfan1 omg baby, #ynisoverparty

inhalerfan2 this is crazy, how could she do this to him while they're touring !

ynfan1 we don't even know if the rumours are true!! inhalerfan1 evidence is pretty stacked against your girl

inhalerfan3 can't wait for the single Eli era !!

yourusername just posted on their close friends!

this is hell there was 6 other people at that dinner and we got in separate cars home

replies:

bobbyskeetz yeah didn't think you fucked with barry like that

↳ ...... bobbyskeetz too soon? yeah just a bit man

taylorswift they are ruthless! please call me gorgeous, you're not alone in this xx

trumanblack are you in LA right now?

↳ I am yeah why does that matter rn matthew trumanblack just wanted to make sure I booked the flight to the right place. ↳ matttttt I'm gonna cry (even more)

ynfanupdates

liked by ynfan1 and others

ynfanupdates THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF A CHEATER. Also look how in love those two are !!! I dont not believe tmz on bit. ALSO people are being so mean to her. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

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ynfan1 couldn’t said it better myself

ynfan2 people hate to see a hot girl slay.

tmz

liked by 1975fan1 and others

tmz big brother to the rescue ? looks like the Healy siblings are sticking together through thick and thin. our cameras caught the eldest Healy sibling rushing to the states to support his little sister amidst her massive cheating scandal! 👀

looks like getting cancelled runs in the family huh...

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1975fan1 oh he looks pissed

ynfan1 omg the poor girl she looks in bits 💔

inhalerfan1 consequences of her actions ynfan2 WE DONT EVEN KNOW IF ITS TRUE NONE OF THEM HAVE COME OUT AND SAID ANYTHING inhalerfan1 you are clearly unhinged babe xxx

inhalerfan1 great job playing the victim girl, what about eli x

elijahhewson

liked by yourusername and others

elijahhewson stop making shit up to sell you papers. this is the love of my life who was at a group dinner, leave her be.

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bobbyskeetz ready to go to war for my favourite couple

ryanmcmahon_15 me too !

inhalerfan1 holy shit eli's is off private oh my GOD

inhalerfan2 it’s happening! everyone stay calm

trumanblack fair play mate

denisewelch its all so silly, clearly haven't seen how in love you two are !!

taylorswift glad to see her smiling again <3

ynfan1 I KNEW IT my parents could never .

ynfanupdates hope she's okay people were so mean to her..

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername please learn to be nicer while I disappear x

comments have been turned off.

ynfanupdates

liked by ynfan1 and others

ynfanupdates it’s officially been a year and a half since we’ve heard anything from or even seen yourusername 🥲 I really respect her taking some time after that crazy barry situation but this is HARD

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ynfan1 noo I’m the same, I do be missing her bops

ynfan2 fr feels like we’ve been put in the worlds longest time out

ynfanupdates especially with that last insta post 😔

yourusername posted to their close friends!

replies:

charli_xcx yessss queen the world is not readyyyy

↳ AHHH thank you C <33

rass75 AOTY pending?

↳ heheh idk ! genre change pending tho …

taylorswift cannot wait to hear what you're working on !

↳ and what if you hopped on a track?

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername is there anyone out there?

come spend some time with me within the echoes of solitude, there might be some familiar faces x

// this is me trying / the lakes / mad woman / my tears ricochet / mirrorball / slut! (feat. Taylor Swift) / let the light in (feat. Elijah Hewson) / both sides now (feat. Joni Mitchell) / coney island (feat. Matty Healy) //

out in TWO weeks !

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jackantonoff lets fuckin GO

trumanblack so moody, almost emo?

yourusername coming for your gig big bro x

gabriette woooo they are not ready !

charlixcx AHHHH so buzzed (for all the sadness)

ynfan2 ah a sad album?? yourusername im sorry to confirm its not very pop 💔 ynfan2 so heartbroken ! but can't wait to hear it all, welcome back <3

elijahhewson so proud of you beautiful

ynfan1 OMG SHE'S BACK

ynfan2 oh no she looks so sad :(( slut! is gonna break me

ynfanupdates okay queen is back to dominate a new genre !

vogue

liked by yourusername and others

vogue our next edition unveils an exclusive interview with our beloved pop sensation! emerging from a year of solitude, she opens up about her toughest career moment yet and her newfound carefree spirit, crediting the unwavering support of friends, family, and the love of her life! don't miss out on the latest scoop - grab your copy and dive into her inspiring journey!

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yourusername ahhhhh thanks for having me !!!

ynfan1 oh she slayss

ynfan2 bless her, the part where she talks about how nervous she is about not releasing a new pop album broke my heart

ynfan1 fr she doesn't get how much we love her ! yourusername AWH you guys !!!!

inhalerfan1 the love of her life .... her and eli are the cutest

yourusername

liked by trumanblack and others

yourusername HI again ! soooo I felt a tinnie bit bad that I'm abandoning my roots, espically so close to summer sooo....

espresso a certified bop* is out now xxxx

*certification is from my boyfriend so possible bias there ..

view all other comments

ynfan1 holy shit I LOVE YOU

ynfan2 eli is so in love im OBSESSED

charlixcx so hot omfg

bobbyskeetz man is whipped

yourusername isnt it that sweet?! bobbyskeetz i guess so 🙄 elijahhewson espresso

finished

hehehe this is so dramatic and for WHAt?! but I love and had so much fun making it. ENJOY <33

ALSO requests are open aswell so it me up xx

#inhaler band #elijah hewson imagine #inhaler dublin #elijah hewson fanfic #elijah hewson x reader #elijah hewson #fake instagram #fake insta post

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demonslayerunhinged · 2 months ago

Note

Hello!! I saw your recent post and I thought it was really interesting :3 would you mind going a little more into depth about your opinions?

Hello anon! If you're referring to the sexualization post, then sure! Loooooooong answer incoming! Also, I'm going to be using 'You' a lot, just know I'm not referring to you anon but to the imaginary morality police I'm arguing with in my head. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but I'm writing an essay about this and I will release it, swearsies! But lemme add some tidbits from it here.

Lemme start by saying that I understand that there's a problem with how female characters are portrayed in anime and manga but in my honest opinion right now sexualization isn't really a major issue when it comes to female characters especially the ones in other popular anime/manga series like My Hero Academia(kinda), Mob Psycho 100, Jujutsu Kaisen(🙄), Attack on Titan, Hunter x Hunter, Naruto, One Punch Man, Tokyo Ghoul, Chainsaw Man, hell even One Piece!

People just throw around the word without knowing what sexualization actually is. So here's a definition:

Sexualization in media is when a character is portrayed as a sexual object and nothing more. The goal of their existence is to titillate the (male) audience. So because of that they hold no relevance, no character growth, no interesting personalities and are essentially stripped of their humanity. They're literally just objects for consumption.

A perfect example is Tamaki Kotatsu from Fire Force, who conveniently has the Lucky Lewd curse where she loses her clothes regardless of the situation. We're introduced to her boobs and the MC Shinra ogling them-who unintentionally gropes her in the next scene-before we get introduced to her as a person.

This is the first of many, many, MANY instances of her 'lucky lewd' curse. There's even not one, but two whole episodes dedicated to the various ways she'll lose her clothes when fighting enemies.

Even in her character defining arc where we get to see more of her backstory and where she is put in a life-threatening situation, her humanity is still denied and is she placed in this sexually suggestive position.

And when she is saved by Shinra because of course she is, the lucky lewd activated, and he crashes into her boobs for no reason and spends a good amount of time ogling her torn outfit I wish I was joking.

This is a serious situation btw. Like she was deadass just about to be killed. Even when she begs for mercy as one of the characters that she sees as an older brother figure attacks her so viciously it leaves her bloody and bruised that she begs for someone to save her, the camera focuses on her lips and portrays her pleads for help in an erotic light.

This was supposed to be her arc that would've not only developed her as a character but allowed us to gain more insight into her compelling backstory but no, instead she got to be a sexual object to be ogled by Shinra and the audience, even during her dire moments when she was brutalized she couldn't even have the chance to be portrayed with basic humanity as a human being. Her arc ended up being more about Shinra that it was about her. I mean, she can't even catch a break in the official art 😭.

This is what actual sexualization of a character looks like, now lets compare this to the 'sexualized' characters in KnY.

Mitsuri

The morality police like to point out her boobs bouncing, running scene and her bath scene as proof of her sexualization, but I disagree. Firstly, Mitsuri wasn't the only one that got a bath scene, Genya and Tanjiro got one too where we saw Tanjiro's bare ass on screen!

Second the running scene was gratuitous yes, but she's never groped, she's never ogled, in fact Tanjiro was more worried about her breasts spilling out than how she was dressed, and the moment was done over in like seconds, the show moves on to establish a character defining trait; her love of food. Already we see that she's humanized, we see her likes and her complaints about being ignored. There are no comments on her body and no other lingering shots of her boobs and she most definitely isn't put in sus positions like this

As for her uniform, I dunno maybe it's because I personally like wearing skimpy clothes because of sensory issues, but I don't see anything wrong with it. Her miniskirt makes sense because her fighting style relies heavily on acrobatics and flexibility, try doing acrobatics in an Amish-length skirt and let me know when you eventually eat shit and end up with a broken neck. Acrobatics are mostly done in either leotards or skintight costumes, and I don't think those were popular in Taisho Japan.

Like yea even though male gymnasts typically wear trousers so y'know their cock and balls don't slip out, a lot of them just wear short shorts.

Then her boob window, honestly come off it. Yea, when I first saw her I didn't like it, but that was because I was scared that she was going to be another fanservice character, but after reading the manga and Gaiden, it doesn't bother me anymore. I've seen some comments such as 'oh her breasts might spill out' and all, but they never do though. Do people forget that she's a fictional, 2D character???!!! Her boobs won't spill out unless the animators want it to.

We also got an explanation for the design; it was the work of the pervy designer Kakushi who's known rightfully as Scum Glasses, and Mitsuri though embarrassed just couldn't bring herself to burn or discard it, which tells us about her character and how she cherishes the hard work of others, no matter how pervy their intentions are.

None of our main characters shame her for it, even ogle her or make sexual comments about her body. Shinobu shames Scum Glasses and offers her matches to burn it, Sanemi's reaction to her embarrassment shows that he doesn't see it as a big deal and when it interfered with the wellbeing of the female slayers, his anger was directed at Scum Glasses, not the slayers.

Even Giyuu's comment in the Corps Records reads more like he's concerned for her safety, and the fact that she doesn't have scars despite her uniform is honestly impressive and a testament to her power as a Hashira.

She's one of the kindest (and frankly realest)characters in KnY-second only to Tanjiro. She was practically the only one against Tanjiro and Nezuko getting executed or punished, she accepted Nezuko without hesitation despite being a demon and treated her like a little sister, she didn't shame Genya for eating demons, in fact I don't think she noticed because all she saw was her junior who needed help.

She's not a 'sexualized female character', she's Mitsuri Kanroji. Who was literally rejected by the world for being different but instead of being bitter chose to use her literal strength to help people, who brings comfort to others with her smile and personality despite seeing so much loss and devastation, who fights and protects not out of spite or revenge or heritage but out of love and duty.

But yea sure, let's focus on her inconsequential uniform and her 10-second bath scene 🙄.

Nezuko and Daki

The main point of contention about Nezuko and Daki's 'sexualization' is because they're 'minors' which is so dumb and a whole other topic, but let's focus on their clothes. I really don't understand the complaints about Nezuko, because the majority of the time when she's not fighting she's dressed in her regular, 'modest' kimono.

What about when she's in demon mode? Oh! Her thighs are exposed when she's fighting? Yes, that tends to happen when you wear fucking skirts. Oh! Her clothes don't fit when she grows twice her size? You mean just like how the Hulk loses majority of his clothes when he grows too? Shocking that her clothes don't grow with her when she's not a fully formed demon. Shocking, I tell you!

Same with Mitsuri, there are no lingering shots of her boobs or her body because the main action is focused on her kicking ass. Go look at comments on anime sites in the episodes where she grows in size and fights, how many of them actually mention her body as opposed to her being kick-ass. The majority of Nezuko simps are simping over her as a moe character rather than a sex object. The most popular image of Nezuko is her shrunken form when she was running away from Kanao as it should because that scene was cute and funny as fuck.

For Daki, it's different, because yea she's wearing super revealing clothing, but here's my take; I don't see anything wrong with Daki's clothing. I'm sorry, but to me her outfit is iconic.

Her character design radiates power and intimidation to me rather than sexual object, and as with Nezuko and Mitsuri, despite her outfit, she never has any lingering shots on her boobs or placed in positions where she's groped and ogled, and she's never shamed by any of the characters because they're too busy trying not to get themselves killed. when I see her I'm not thinking 'heh, I can see her boobs', I'm fearing for my life and hoping she doesn't eat me! I mean look how terrifying she is in this shot.

Also, just like Mitsuri and Nezuko her humanity is never denied, when she had her head cut off by Tengen there were no suggestive shots of her body, in fact more people were shocked at her sudden cries which showed how young she was.

When she and Gyutaro are defeated, it's not portrayed in a sexually suggestive or erotic way, we're not made to see some femme fatale seductress, we're made to see an angry, bitter but ultimately hurt little girl who is spiteful at the world that rejected and abandoned her and her brother.

We see how she's had to survive, how she was brutalized and burnt for just standing up to her brother which in hindsight makes her reaction to Nezuko setting her on fire all the more heartbreaking. We see a girl who rejects 'heaven' if it means that she will be separated from her brother - the only person who was ever there for her, took care of her, comforted her and made her feel safe in a world that made them feel so rejected and so alone, the person who told her this:

If you're given all this character and backstory and all you choose to focus on is how she's dressed, then you need to check yourself and look inwards because you're the one with the problem.

The truth is, female characters are going to be sexualized regardless of what they wear, y'know just like women in real life, so how about we instead focus on making sure that they have relevance in the story, relatable backstories, character growth, rich personalities, and most of all humanity.

Sorry for the long answer anon but I hope this is okay for you, I would still post the full essay on Mitsuri eventually. Thanks for your question! ❤❤❤

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