#i love when nina snaps because it takes her a while to get there but once she's there 👀

[bklynmusicnerd]

Oh I see the temps finally realized they have thee Cynthia Watros as Nina and that having her grovel while being the punching bag is a waste of her talents.

Her not instantly groveling to Michael's stupid blackmail and snapping at him actually made those scenes interesting in an otherwise deeply stupid story.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Guilty as Sin? - Chapter Three

pairing: professor!javier peña x f!reader

rating: series is 18+ only, minors DNI, Derrick shows his true self, Javier comes to the rescue, depictions of SA (minor, though proceed with caution), mentions of alcohol consumption

word count: 4.2k

series masterlist

Friday night marked not only the temporary break from having to see Dr. Peña every single day, but also your stupid date with Derrick. He’d been out of the apartment when you woke up, him and Nina off at the gym. Alondra crawled into bed with you, her laptop in tow. 

“I don’t wanna go tonight,” you grumbled, drawing the blankets up to your face as she got comfortable beside you. “Just tell him I’m sick or something.”

“He’s been looking forward to this all week,” she reminded, pulling up Netflix. “Hell, for the last four years.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been dreading this for the last four years so where does that leave us?” you challenged. “I’m supposed to make myself uncomfortable just to make his little dream come true?” 

“I’m not saying that,” she sighed. “I’m just saying what harm could come from going to dinner with him? He’s your friend, just pretend you guys are grabbing food or something casual.”

“But he won’t want casual,” you snapped, throwing your blanket back so that you could get up. “He’ll want the full treatment.”

“There’s worse men to pretend to like,” she said, closing her laptop as she watched you tug on a hoodie and sweats. “At least he’s good looking and harmless.”

“Harmless as a friend,” you pointed out. “Who knows what he’s like on a date.”

“That’s why you should go,” she urged. “To find out if maybe that’s what was missing—“

“There’s nothing missing!” you shouted. “I don’t want him, not because I just haven’t seen how charming he is, not because I haven’t given him a chance. I don’t want him because I don’t want him. End of story.”

“Then don’t go!” she shouted back. 

“How? How am I supposed to turn him down when I’ve tried that for the past four years and he doesn’t give a shit. He’ll keep trying and trying until I finally cave, so I’ll fucking go tonight, but this is it. No more putting his feelings above mine.”

“Then I don’t know why you’re complaining.” 

You took a deep breath, finding the patience you knew you possessed but seemed so far away in this moment. Out of all people, you expected Alondra to understand your side of the situation. She’d never spent a day in her entire life thinking about what a man wanted, what they were feeling and how she might accommodate for it. And yet, here she was demanding that you not only go through with this but that you shut up while doing it. 

“I just want to be alone for a while,” you said, dejected and hurt. “It feels like the entire world is turning for him and I’m just here. You and Nina love him, I know, but what about me?”

“We love you,” she said, her brows furrowing. “It’s just that sometimes it almost feels like you avoid the things that you know will be good for you in favor of shit that’ll wreck you. We’re just trying to show you that Derrick is a good thing.”

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I’m gonna be at the library until my lab. Tell Derrick I’ll meet him back here at ten.”

“Don’t be like that,” she coaxed, following you into your shared bathroom to watch you brush your teeth. “Don’t be mad.”

Spitting out the toothpaste, you tried to ignore her guilt tripping. “I’m not mad, I just want to be alone.”

“Fine,” she said, meeting your eyes in the mirror. “Text me if you need me?”

“Mmhm,” you hummed, watching her leave the room knowing damn well she just earned a spot at the bottom of the list of people you’d reach out to.

Dr. Peña’s lab went by smoothly, the undergrads taking their first quiz of the semester in absolute silence as you got to work grading yesterday’s assignment. Dr. Peña had been taking careful glances at you, his brow furrowed with concern. Not that you could blame him. For the last two days you’d been dressing to impress, or more delusionally, to seduce, but today you’d shown up bare faced and in sweats. 

Setting his pen down, he cleared his throat and walked over to your desk, causing your tired eyes to lift to his. “Everything alright?”

You nodded, giving him a forced smile that only managed to deepen that look of concern on his face. 

“Just tired,” you lied in a whisper, shrugging your shoulders. 

“I know these late night labs aren’t the easiest—“

“No, no,” you assured. “It’s not the lab. Just…personal stuff.”

He lifted his chin in understanding, his fingers tapping against the wood of your desk. “Well, if you’d prefer, you can finish grading those at home. They’re just going to be taking the quiz tonight, so we’ll be fine without our prized TA.”

You smiled at the compliment—or at what you assumed to be one. “It’s fine. Home’s not very appealing to me right now.”

“The offer stands,” he smiled, soft and almost unnoticeable before walking back to his desk. 

Too bad you noticed every single thing he did. 

After the lab, you headed home to get ready for the punishment that was an hour spent at the snobbiest restaurant in Austin with your not-so-friend. Derrick was locked up in his room, no doubt trying to overcome his jitters while you did the same. Only your jitters felt more like tremors, something deep in your soul cautioning you against going. Still, you persisted. 

Slipping into a skirt and your favorite top that gave you the confidence necessary to walk into this situation with your head held high, your makeup flawless and subdued, your hair just the way you like it, you took a deep breath and opened your door to greet Derrick with a forced smile. 

“You look…wow,” he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. While you smelled his clean scent, there was also a hint of something else on his breath—tequila, perhaps? “No one’s gonna believe you’re with me.”

You cleared your throat, glancing at Nina and Alondra who stood in the kitchen eavesdropping. “Let’s go. Don’t want to be late for your fancy reservation.”

He laughed, nodding as he held out his hand for you to take. You pretended not to notice it and busied your hands with holding your bag and phone, which…

Fuck, you forgot to charge your phone. 

“My brother recommended this place,” he said, brushing off your rejection as he walked you out of the building and to his car. “It’s where he proposed.”

“Mm,” you hummed, still lost in your head. 

“You like sushi, right?” he asked, opening your door. 

“Yeah,” you nodded, slipping into the passenger seat. “We’ve been friends for how long now and you don’t know that?”

He chuckled, buckling his seatbelt. “I don’t pay attention to little shit.”

You stared at his profile with something akin to disgust, the realization that he’d never viewed this friendship in the same light as you finally dawning on you. “Friends usually try to pay attention to little shit like that.”

“Yeah, well we’re a bit more than friends,” he smirked, glancing at you before bravely moving his hand to your thigh. You jerked at the touch, pulling away from him to turn towards the window. “So, uh, how’s Peña’s lab?”

“It’s good,” you managed, counting the streetlights as they passed by. 

“That’s shocking,” he chuckled. “What, he’s not a dick to them?”

“He is,” you shrugged. “But not to me.”

“For obvious reasons,” he chided. “Alondra told me about the whole don’t wear a skirt thing. Sounds like a fucking creep.”

“It wasn’t like that,” you argued, turning towards him. “And you can tell Alondra I’d appreciate it if she didn’t tell you all of my business.” 

“She was just looking out for me,” he said, giving you a frown. “Can’t have your professor trying shit if we’re gonna give this a real shot.”

“Derrick, I don’t—“

“No, just…let’s keep this date free of all that pessimist shit,” he snapped, reminding you of his inebriated state. Fuck, and you were in a car with this shithead? “Tonight I want you to put all that trauma aside for once and keep yourself open,” he demanded, causing your heart to race. 

What would happen if you didn’t? Would he hurt you? Would he shit talk you to all your friends? Would he make something up?

“Fine,” you managed, balling your hands into fists as they rested on your lap. 

After a car ride spent listening to him detail his summer of luxury, the two of you found yourselves seated in the restaurant located on the opposite side of town. You’d only been out in this area once to celebrate your first anniversary with Micah, though that time you were forced to split the bill. Derrick wouldn’t have any of that, not with his trust fund and need to prove himself. 

You didn’t speak much at dinner, not because you had nothing to say but because he wouldn’t stop talking. He’d covered everything from the first birthday he could remember to the day he first met you when you were both frightened freshmen on campus. Perhaps the trip down memory lane would’ve made you smile if it wasn’t for his wandering hands beneath the table. 

When the bill was paid and the two of you were on your way out, you thought the terrible night had finally come to a close. But of course it hadn’t. 

Derrick surprised you by pulling you into a dark alleyway, his hands greedy as he pulled you against his frame. You felt his lips on yours, taking and taking and giving you not a damn thing but a sick feeling of alarm in your stomach. 

“Derrick, stop,” you hissed, pushing against his chest as he continued to lean in, caging you against the stucco wall. 

“You want me,” he rasped, nuzzling his nose against your cheek as his liquor-scented breath flooded your nostrils. “You’re just scared of it ending badly.”

“No,” you protested, continuing to push him away. “I don’t want any of this. I don’t feel that way for you.”

“Yet you showed up wearing this.” You froze as you felt his cold fingertips graze the outside of your thighs, inching his way closer to the hem of your skirt. “Just…let loose for once. Let your guard down and I swear you won’t regret it.”

“I already regret it,” you hissed, shoving him hard enough to cause him to drunkenly stumble back. “You’re drunk and acting like fucking dick.”

He shook his head, chuckling at your words or the situation, you couldn’t quite tell. “I want you.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Four fucking years of waiting around, then you finally decide to go out with me, and now…what? You’re just gonna act like a tease?” 

“I’m going to beat the shit out of you if you keep talking,” you warned, though you knew your strength was no match for his. Still, female rage and adrenaline fueled you, coaxing you into not giving a fuck about the outcome. If he pushed any harder, you’d gladly fuck around and find out. “I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

“Stop,” he whined, grabbing your wrist to keep you from leaving. “Don’t be such a bitch.”

“I’m a bitch?” Fuck around and find out, it is. “I’ve been nothing but a good friend to you all these years, even knowing that you didn’t give a fuck about any of that. You’d rather I be in your sheets than in your life, that much is fucking clear now.”

“I’m just saying, it’s not cool to continue to give me hope—“

“I didn’t give you shit!” you yelled, yanking your wrist from his grasp. “How many times have we talked about this? How many times have you made me feel guilty for something I have no control over? I don’t want you, Derrick. I never have, and after tonight I certainly never will. Face it or don’t, but our friendship ends here.”

“We live together,” he reminded, stepping towards you. “You can’t avoid me like you avoid Micah.”

“Can’t I?” you chuckled, shaking your head. “You have no idea how easy it’ll be for me to pretend as if you never existed.”

He let out a huff of disbelief, shaking his head at you as if he had any right to feel disappointed. No, that right was yours alone in this situation. You thought you found a man who you could call a true friend, only to find out he was just as bad as the rest of them. Maybe worse given the way he manipulated you these past four years, all to earn your trust. 

You took off down the street, not caring about the looks you received from passersby. You just needed to get somewhere safe and call—

Fuck. Phone’s dead. 

With fear threatening to take over, you stumbled into the first open shop on the block, a very fancy looking cafe that was mostly stranded on the inside. Tugging down the hem of your skirt, you huffed a sigh in order to rein in the tears threatening to spill as you swung the door open. 

“Welcome in,” the older woman behind the counter greeted, giving you a judgmental once over as your heels clacked against the hardwood floor on the way to the counter. “What can I get started for you?” 

“I was just wondering if there was any way I could use your phone to call a cab? I promise I’ll buy something—“

“I’m sorry, we don’t allow customers to use our phones,” she frowned, a display of mock sympathy that threatened to wear down your last remaining nerve. 

“I understand, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency,” you pleaded. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am,” she sighed. “Phones are for employee use only. Perhaps you can find a payphone or—“

The woman was interrupted by a familiar voice calling your name. Stomach sinking to the floor, you turned to find Dr. Peña sitting in a booth by the window with his laptop. 

Fucking perfect. 

“Dr. Peña.” You greeted him with a sigh and a forced smile, reluctantly heading towards his booth. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, giving you a quick once over before lifting his eyes back yours. 

“Yeah,” you lied, giving him a quick nod. He tilted his head and you and gave you a look as if to say liar. Letting out the saddest, weakest laugh you might’ve ever uttered, you decided to hell with pride. “No, I’m…it’s been a long night.”

He ticked his jaw as he considered you for a moment, leaving you in sickening suspense. “What happened?”

“You don’t want to hear about all that,” you assured, wiping a tear from your waterline. 

“I do,” he insisted, nudging his chin towards the other side of the booth. “Sit down, I’ll get you a coffee.”

“You don’t have to—“

“Sit,” he ordered, that stern voice cutting through the clouds of self pity and anger still looming overhead. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Black is fine,” you lied, slipping into the booth as gracefully as your skirt would allow. 

It took him a few minutes to return, that time spent locked inside your head, watching a replay from an eagle's eye point of view. Derrick's hands on your body, his lips on yours, his vile claims and threats sounding over and over. 

“So,” he said, handing you your cup as he sat down in front of his laptop before closing it. “What happened?”

“I don’t…I don’t want anyone to get in trouble,” you prefaced, earning a hesitant nod. “Derrick—

“Mr. Crawley?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “He’s been my friend for years now, we live together…but he has this really bad habit of not taking no for an answer.” Dr. Peña tensed, his jaw clenching. “That’s why I agreed to go out with him tonight, because I was just sick of having to explain that I only saw him as a friend. Thought I’d just get it over with, but that didn’t really go as planned.”

“Did he…try something?” he asked, his voice low and tense. You shrugged, questioning the entire interaction. If you hadn’t stopped him, if you hadn’t been brave enough to tell him no, would he have stopped? Did what he did really constitute assault? 

“I don’t know. Sort of,” you explained, tracing the rim of your cup as you spoke. “Dinner was shit enough, but then he cornered me in an alley, trying to cage me against a wall and…touch me, but I stopped him. Then he turned into this entirely different person than I’ve known all this time, called me a bitch and a tease. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize my phone was dead when I took off down the block, and now I’m stranded on this side of town. And truthfully, I don’t even know if going home is a good idea.”

Javier leaned back in his seat, raking his hands over his face. 

“I have a sinking feeling that if I go home, he’s just going to start shit again, which is the last thing I want right now.”

He nodded, understanding and sympathy in his eyes as he took a beat to think. 

“Firstly, I’m incredibly proud of you for sticking up for yourself. It’s not an easy thing to do, and you did it.” You refused to keen under his praise the way your heart demanded to. “If I’d have just put up with it—“

“Stop,” he said, shaking his head. “You did the brave thing and the right thing. He’s too fucking old to not know the difference between a woman who wants him and one who doesn’t. This shit is on him, alright?” 

You gave him a meek nod, still not able to look him in the eye. 

“I know you said you don’t want anyone to get in trouble, and I’ll respect that, but know that if you decide to report him, I’ll back you,” he offered, his eyes rounding and voice softening. “I don’t think you should go home. I—“ He sighed, lowering his hand to rest beside yours on the table. “I can drive you to a hotel, and if you need me to pay for it, I will. That way I’ll know you’re safe, and you’ll have your own space for the night.”

“No, that’s not necessary,” you assured. 

“No, it isn’t, but it’s late and you’ve clearly been through enough tonight,” he said. “But it’s your choice. I can call you a cab if that’s more comfortable.”

“Isn’t that…sort of against the rules? You giving me a ride?” 

He let out a soft chuckle. 

“It’s not ideal, but I don’t care about that right now,” he confessed, his pinky reaching out to brush against yours. “I just care about you being safe and comfortable.”

You bit your lip, eyes glued to his hand that seemed to be fighting an internal war over whether or not to reach out for yours. “I won’t feel safe and comfortable in a hotel. I’d just feel…alone.”

“I can’t,” he whispered to himself, moving his hand to his face. 

“Can’t what?” 

“Can’t do this,” he gestured between the two of you. “I can’t keep you company tonight.” 

“I didn’t mean—“

“I know what you meant, and I’m telling you I can’t let a student of mine crash at my place,” he sighed, conflict weighing on his face. “I’ll take you to a hotel and you can call a friend to stay with you.”

“I’m not going to let you pay for my hotel,” you protested. “That’s not happening.”

“Then what?” he asked, dropping his hand to the table. 

“I don’t know,” you snapped. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Here,” he handed you his phone. “Call a cab, they’re safer than an Uber.”

You stared at the unlocked screen, debating whether or not you truly wanted to handle things on your own or accept the help offered to you, even if it meant spending a night alone in a foreign environment, stuck with the flashbacks of Derrick’s hands on your body, his lips on your mouth. There was no safety in that, in being prisoner to awful memories you had no part in creating. The truth was that you needed him to distract you from yourself, and you didn’t care if you had to grovel or beg for it. 

“I’m asking you to please just…stay,” you whispered, too close to tears to speak up. “We don’t have to go to your place. We can go to the library for all I fucking care, I just don’t want to be alone. All my friends are his friends and I know what they’ll say about tonight. Everyone loves him, everyone wants to be his friend, and I’m just…around. They won’t believe me, and even if they do, they won’t see it the way I do.” 

Javier looked ready to tell me to fuck off and go find someone else to bother with all my problems, but threw me for a loop when he said, “Fine. Grab your coffee, and…here.” He held out a black leather jacket that smelled like him; whiskey, smoke, and warm spice. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, standing and draping the jacket over your shoulders as he gathered his things. 

“My office,” he said, his tone clipped and sharp. “It’s the only place where people won’t be around to see us. Not that I really give a shit, but you should.”

“You haven’t done anything but help me,” you offered. “I don’t care if people talk. You and I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“They don’t give a shit,” he countered, leading you out of the cafe. “Besides, we’re already breaking rules. Even if we aren’t acting on anything—“

“Is there anything to act on?” you probed, sticking close to him out of fear Derrick was still around searching for you. Dr. Peña shot you a knowing look over his shoulder. 

“There’s enough to drive me fucking crazy,” he admitted. 

You stopped in your tracks, shocked—and twistedly pleased—at his confession. He noticed your reaction, stopping to turn around and look at you with a pleading expression. 

“I didn’t mean—“

“I know what you meant,” you echoed his words from earlier. He ground his jaw and looked down at the sidewalk for a beat before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. You watched his lips mold around the cigarette as he took a deep drag, his brows furrowed as if he was in pain. 

“I’m not…” He shook his head again, looking up at the night sky. “I’ve been teaching now for five years. Never once have I done this shit. Never once have I let myself get involved. Until you.”

“Dr—“

“Javier,” he cut you off. “Call me Javier when it’s just us. It’ll make me feel better about how fucked up this is.”

“What’s fucked up about a woman in her late twenties and a man in his thirties talking?” you asked, stepping closer to him to feel a bit more of the thrill that did such a good job at blocking out all the bad shit going through your head. 

“I’m your professor,” he explained, watching you carefully. “There are rules against me developing this exact infatuation I can’t seem to fucking shake.”

“You’re infatuated with me?” you chuckled, more out of shock than amusement. Though you’d obviously sensed he saw some sort of potential in you that caused him to act like less of a dick than he did with everyone else, you’d have never guessed in a million years that he was interested in you. 

Javier chuckled darkly, stepping closer to you until you could smell his cologne. “Infatuated is an understatement.”

“And what would you say if I told you I was just as infatuated?” you asked, closing the gap between the two of you as you lifted your hand to rest on his chest. Not pushing him away like with Derrick, but beckoning him closer. 

He whispered your name, sending chills down your spin. “We can’t.”

“We’re not doing anything,” you countered, sliding your hand up to the back of his neck just to feel those soft brown waves that have been calling your name this last week. Javier grabbed your hand and lowered it gently, his thumb smoothing over your skin. 

“I’ll stay up with you tonight so that you can feel safe, but that’s it,” he whispered, his eyes darting across your face. “Okay?”

You wanted to frown, to throw a fit and beg him to not be such a stand-up guy, but that would be like asking a fish not to swim, the wind not to blow, a fire not to burn. He simply was a stand-up man and no amount of seduction could change that. “Okay.”

He let out a soft sigh, stepping away from you. 

“You’re lucky I have shit to grade tonight,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. “You might consider helping me with some of that, TA.”

You chuckled, nodding. “After a nap.”

“Sure,” he chided. “Take it that’s code for hell no.”

“Would you look at that. You’re more clever than you look, Professor.” 

[crushedsweets]

i am so so sorry for the sheer amount of headcanons i'm making you crank out, HOWEVER... i am so curious as to if you have any headcanons for nina and natalie as a duo. i love the way you perceive them and write them it genuinely makes me so happy

i had to doodle them . ok. lets go..

nat was one of the first people nina met from jeff, since she and jeff lived in the barn together.

nina thought nat was a lesbian when they first met . that is literally the only reason why she wasnt mad jeff was living with a woman.

although nina was like, one of the ONLY people to notice toby/nat tension and was sooo heartbroken when she realized they were never getting together..... but then was relieved they didnt get together when she got over jeff because 'well i can't be the only single one!'

again, natalie grew up with 0 girl friends, only hung out with her brother and boys. even after meeting the creeps, theyre still mostly guys. so she's just kinda really awkward and weird around girls. not in a like, 'oh girls r so annoying' way but like... she just doesnt know how to fit in. she just feels so different in the worst possible way and always has.

and nina is very girly, outgoing, touchy, friendly, cute, etc. so it was very like UMMM?!? idk. natalie kept snapping at her, assuming she was fake and weird and just trying to get something from nat, but nina was so persistent and just. friendly. it started making natalie feel warm.

nina's presence started to heal natalies inner little girl. she had it stolen from her time and time again, from her dad, her brother, her peers - the operator, too.

so the two are eventually actual friends. they'll text and play mobile phone games together. sometimes they'll just sit on call and nina will be talking her head off while nat does her own thing at home. one time nat was at tobys cabin and nina was talking about toby on speaker and toby walked in and was like 'hey nina' .... nina almost threw up she was so embarrassed.

nina loves visiting nats bar because everyone is always talking to nina and giving her attention and buying her drinks, and at first nat was irritated but it kinda got nat some better tips since the customers started realizing ninas her friend. so nat was pleased. LOL

nat was never the type to go shopping, but she'll follow nina around and sit while nina tries on clothes and carry around all her bags that she buys LOL... ninas made jokes about nat being boyfriend material and nat just flatout says smth about how nina should get over jeff cuz he would never.

nat is friends with jeff but she's oddly comfortable just telling nina that he's a piece of shit. and ninas always like NOOO U DONT GET IT U DONT SEE WHAT I DO and nats always just .. not... impressed..

nina's always inviting nat out to try new foods. nat grew up just eating bread and noodles with butter half the time so it's fun. nina always tries to pay bc 'well i invited you!!!'. sometimes toby tags along but he feels a way abt going in public places..

nina rarely visits jack cuz she has no reason to, but nat is friends with him so sometimes nina pops in and she's always like ^_^ HELLO TALL MYSTERIOUS SLIGHTLY MONSTEROUS MAN... <3... nat smacks the back of her head cuz she's being dumb and drooling over a bunch of rando freaks. ... . ok i love nina and she owes jeff nothing but she is def not loyal LOLLLL AND SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO FAWN OVER EVERYONE she's a fangirl at heart.

they watch a ton of shows together. nina got nat into horror kdrama stuff, but they have to watch in dub cuz nat cant read the subtitles fast enough . . . at first nina cringed but now she doesnt care.

nat's painted/drawn nina several times, and nina almost cries everytime. she's put the drawings up on her wall before but anytime nat's at her apartment, she takes it down bc 'i dont want my art on ur wall stop it' LOL... kinda rude but whatevs.

ugh theyre just so fucking cute guys im sorry i love them . holds them. brushes their hair.

[bitchinbarzal]

https://www.tumblr.com/bitchinbarzal/736733295226896384/do-it-lets-fuck-some-shit-up-cole-anon

At this point she was already pregnant (baby Luca) but she didn't know it

Mama Hischier was ready to raise this baby alone and in secret, i need drama

😮‍💨 oh bestie the angst. I know this doesn’t really fit with the original storyline but I’m going to make it because it’s too good.

Nico was in Switzerland for the summer with Naomi. You were supposed to fly Iris over half way through the off season before joining your girlfriends on a beach vacation in Greece then coming home to jersey.

However, plans change. You were sick, so severely sick.

You’d ended up calling Nico three weeks into the off season

“I need you to come back to jersey and get iris”

“What?! She’s not supposed to be here for another-“

“Nico, I can’t get into this with you can you do it or not? I can’t bring her there anymore”

You had it out on the phone, him accusing you of being difficult assuming it had something to do with Naomi being there or what he’d told you before he left.

It wasn’t, there was someone else you were too focused on.

Luckily, Timo’s girlfriend had shows in California so they were still in the states and they’d agreed to come to jersey after the shows were finished to get Iris and take her back to Switzerland with them.

You thought it best to let her go to her dads before it got bad.

Iris however was constantly watching you throw up, scared something was wrong. She was so worried.

You knew you were pregnant. Mom's intuition. And you were terrified.

You were scared, the fear from before was coming back up. Everything you’d been through four years ago was sitting at the forefront of your mind.

You were pregnant with Nico’s baby and he was trying to have a baby with someone else.

You hadn’t told him, after your conversations about him and Naomi you decided very selfishly, you’d do this alone.

In Switzerland, Iris was lapping up the love from her auntie, uncle, oma and opa.

All of them had watched her over the week and how Naomi interacted with her.

About a week into her trip, Iris was in bed ready to sleep when her grandma headed up to say goodnight. She stopped when she heard the little girl speak

“Is daddy coming to read to me?”

“No, your dad is busy. He doesn’t want to see you” Naomi snapped and his mom frowned listening to her tone “and Iris, I know your mommy sent you here to ruin our summer but please sweetheart just leave me and your daddy alone this week ok? You’re really bothering us”

She could hear the quiver in Iris’ voice “but mommy’s si-“

“I don’t care. she’s a pain in my side and so are yo-“

“Enough!” Iris scrambled out of bed to her grandma’s arms while Naomi tried to stumble out an excuse for what she’d clearly said.

“I think it’s best you leave Naomi, you’re not welcome in our house any longer”

They made off downstairs, Iris sniffling and Naomi yelling behind them about how they couldn’t kick her out, this wasn’t fair.

“Woah, what’s happening?” Nina asked, stopping the conversations she was having with her brothers and dad in the living room to focus solely on her distraught little niece.

Nico’s mom stared at him in a way she hadn’t since he was a child

“I want her out of our house, now”

He nodded, up out of his seat and straight towards Iris who shifted her head so she wasn’t looking at her father. Nico’s heart broke, he had no idea what was going on.

He left the house with Naomi and didn’t arrive back for almost two hours, by this time Iris was fast asleep in her uncles lap.

When he did come in the family were all waiting for him just as he’d left. He didn’t care about them, or what they had to say. He cared about Iris.

He approached her sleeping form and crouched down infront of her, kissing her cheek before lifting her up into his arms and taking her up to his bed.

He held her all night, still fully dressed in his clothes he’d worn all day. He just had to hold his girl.

When the morning came and Iris woke up she had to gather her surroundings before she saw Nico and cuddled into him some more

“Morning princess”

“Hi daddy”

He sucked in a breath before saying “You want to talk?”

Iris contemplated it for a minute before she said

“Are you and mommy fighting because mommy’s sick? Is that why Naomi doesn’t like mommy?”

Nico frowned “Mommy’s sick?”

Iris nodded "We went to the doctors home and she was crying" now Nico is internally panicking, a million thoughts running through his mind of what could be wrong with you.

"But the doctor lady gave mommy a present to take home and she was smiling after”

“What did she get?” He asks and Iris jumps out of bed, leaving the room momentarily before coming back in holding something.

He takes it from her hand and he is instantly relieved, it's just her sonogram. It takes him a moment before he quirks his head. That's not Iris. He knows her picture, it's in his stall, he sees it everyday.

Then he sees the name and date at the top.

You were pregnant.

Nico has a wave of emotions fall over him for a moment, anger, jealousy, hurt before he turns to Iris

“Mommy’s gonna be okay, ‘ris I promise”

She hums, still stuck into his side before she says

“Daddy?”

“Yeah squish?”

“I wanna go home to mommy”

“Yeah, me too”

So they travelled back to Jersey that night, the two of them needing your comfort.

You were in the middle of watching a movie when they came through the door, startling you

“Mama I’m home!” Iris shouted, jumping up onto the couch and into your arms

“Hi babygirl, what on earth are you guys doing back here?”you were looking at Nico to answer that.

He sat down next to you, pulling the blanket you had over him too then put down the sonogram on the coffee table infront of you both.

The smile on your face dropped and you looked at him, panicked.

“I hope it’s a boy” is all he says before grabbing your hand and squeezing it.

He knew. He knew it was his baby.

You squeezed his hand back “Not the baby mom you’d hoped for-“

“Hey” he grumbled “You’re the best mom and if I get the choice you’ll be the only mom to all of my kids”

“Neeks…”

“We’ll talk when she’s in bed ok?”

You nod, letting it go for now while watching Iris cuddle into your side to watch the movie and Nico’s hand spreads out across your belly.

He had everything he ever wanted under that roof

[passionateseadruid]

Snake kings bride 5

The Date(s) part 1 Lu Lu land

Back to touchy pervy Lucifer! The floodgates have been opened and he is a touch starved whore. Warning F Bombs! Lots of them.

The next morning you woke up to something soft wrapped around you and something poking you from behind. 

"Lilith please don't go." You heard him mumble. "Charlie needs you, the people need you, I need you."

You opened your eyes and were brought back to the reality of the situation. The Devil from Da Bible had kidnapped you, made a lot of innuendos towards you, hugged you almost everyday without your consent, and to top it all of he tried to gaslight you last night into thinking that the reason you were uncomfortable with this situation was because you weren't giving him a chance.

"What in the Apollo and Daphne?"

This man threatened your family and had the Gaul to say YOU were the problem.

(A/n: Lu Lu world more like delulu world. If you can't tell I think I'm funny.)

"Lily please." Lucifer's pathetic whines snapped you out of your thoughts. He had his arms wrapped tightly around your arms and torso, while his big white and red wings were laying over you like a cage

"I'm sorry I married her, but you were gone for seven years. I needed help running hell. You should know that better than anyone. I'm a mess, Lil. I was broken when you left." With every word his arms tightened around you.

You don't know whether or not you should interrupt this. He clearly still loves her, so maybe you should let him have this moment even if it’s not real.

"If you loved me as you claimed you’d let her go." You snarked.

"Don't say that Lilith… 's not fair. You left me. I should get to be happy."

Okay this is getting too weird. "LUCIFER!!"

"AH!" He gasped, letting you go.

"Is that how you see me? As a replacement for her?" You turned 

"What?" He asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"When I said you don't love me you thought I was Lilith."

He slowly blinked one eye after another "When did you-"

"Just now when you were sleeping."

"That was you?"

"Yes. And I mean both that and the inverse. If you still love Lilith you should let me go, I don't want to be a replacement for her."

"Does that mean that you want to marry me?"

"No." you deadpanned. "It's called basic self respect." You turned to get out of bed and he pulled you back down into bed.

"Stay~" He whined. "Don't you want to hear about the dream I had last night?"

"No."

"It was our wedding night. Things were getting steamy~"

"Well that explains… that…"

"You wanna help me get rid of it?"

"No."

"Aw c'mon~ I think you’d look pretty with a round belly on our wedding day~"

You felt you face heat. "So we fucked then Lilith walked in and called you a whore?" You changed the subject.

"Basically. Let's forget about that part though. C'mere, I want a morning kiss."

"Wait, don't kiss me! I have really bad morning breath."

"I don't care." He grabbed your chin and kissed you. "You taste hellishly good. I wonder if the rest of you tastes this good~"

You shuddered. "Your highness! The queen is-" Pluto burst in with Nina behind her.

...

"Missing?" Pluto asked as the two stood staring at you two.

"OH MY GOODNESS WE ARE SO SORRY!! BUT ALSO HAVE YOU NO SHAME? YOU TWO AREN'T MARRIED YET AND YET YOU'RE PARTAKING SUCH SCANDALOUS ACTIVITIES!!" Nina freaked out. 'She's so adorable.' You thought.

"Did you find her?" Renesmee came running. "Hello my lady. Oh uh... your highness you've got a problem there. Shall I start a cold shower for you?"

You bury your head under the covers. "No need! I've got my wife for that." 

The ladies and Styx who has joined them in the doorway here a muffled. "HEY!"

"See I told you all that she hadn't ran away. His Majesty would tear through every ring of hell to find her and if he couldn't he'd raise hell on earth till she was returned to him."

"I'm going back to my room to take a shower and get dressed." You Say and wrap one of his comforters around him and leave.

"I’ll iron the outfit you chose my lady."

"Thank you Renesmee." You walk away with her and Nina in toe.

After your shower you sneak back into Lucifer's room. "If there isn't one book about the living world in the library then there has to some in either be in his room, or in his study. He's the Devil, it's not like he can just not stay up to date on the news of earth. Great, now I'm talking to myself."

His room was filled with pictures of Charlie. There were some family photos of him Charlie and a blond woman with horns.The walls were once again… red. White trim laced the top and bottom of the walls with gold apple decals. Ducks littered buckets in each corner of the room. The double doors were stripped a bright red and a burgundy red.

"If he loves me as much as he says he does I'm redesigning this whole room and I don't want to hear shit from him!"

His bed was exactly like your own. With the exception that his comforters were Long. You didn’t realize how big his bed was. 

"Who needs a bed this big? What was he so much of a freak with his wife that they had to roll around so much?"

"STOP FIGHTING!" You hear a deep scary voice from the hallway. You look around the room and decide to duck under the bed. It was kind of crowded under there but the comforters reached all the way to the floor so it was the safest option.

"Mammon for all of our sakes and sanity stop trying to steal our shit! You took practically my entire brand, you've stolen Levi's thing, and Ozzie wants more control over the Fizz robots your selling."

You held your breathe as Lucifer walked through his room. Several voices were talking over each other! "All of you shut UP!"

...

"I'm looking through my paperwork, right now Levi."

...

"Ozzie, please focus."

...

"Bee! Stop encouraging him! We're in a meeting."

...

"Fine! You two want to know so badly, My bride is fine. Here they are, finally found the paperwork."

While Lucifer was talking on what you can assume to be his phone you turned to look at what was under his bed and why it was so cramped. It was mostly ducks, shoes, random pieces of clothing that you assumed to be Lilith's (Seeing as how they were sparkly dresses (Though no hate if he wants to dress in drag)); but what caught your attention the most were polaroid photos. They were all of you. Some were of you sleeping; some were you Renesmee and Nina with the latter twos faces scribbled, burned, or cut out; some were of you looking through books in the library; and luckily there were none of you in the bathroom (So he's not THAT much of a creepy stalker.) And in the very back there were some books.

'The Ars Goetia.'

It chronicled the history of… a bunch of bird demons? And their various duties and trips to the…

'Mortal realm'

This was it! This was your ticket out of here!

"No Belphy I don't think I'm moving to fast! If I don't tie her down she'll leave me." Lucifer spoke.

…

"Oh hardy har har, Mam! Laugh it up that my wife left. And no, I don't have abandonment issues!"

He finally left and you made a mad dash for the exit.

You spent the rest of the day pondering on what you could do to try and get in contact with one of these "Ars Goetia".

You looked through the entire library once more.

"No offense princess but do you do anything other than read? You have the hell wide web and you're spending all your time reading."

"Nina she's the future queen. Please be nice." Renesmee begged.

"No offense was taken even if intended. And for your information, web searches can be traced and tracked. I also would rather not give that prick the satisfaction of using his bribes."

"Not even gonna sugarcoat it." Nina rolled her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure everyone in Luci's inner circle knows what I am. Or at least his daughter, her girlfriend, and his servants do. And most people can assume what happened to me."

"Has anyone actually ever correctly guessed that you were kidnapped?" Nina snarked.

"Well… no. But I'm hopeful!"

"You'd have to be insane to have hope in a place like this."

"I think I found something my Lady!" Renesmee called. You slid down the ladder and she pointed out where she was reading.

"Most Goetia are Loyal to the king that presides over their circle of the pride ring.”

"Wait what? Circle? Like Dante's inferno?"

"Yeah. Dead souls can only be in the pride ring, while there are six other rings stacked on top of each other like a cake." Renesmee explained.

"Like a cake?" You giggled. "Are you hungry?"

"Kinda. I skipped breakfast because Pluto called in telling us that you'd gone missing." Renesmee confessed bashfully.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have any say in whether or not I stayed with him."

"I'll go get you a snack, Love." Nina kissed Renesmee on the cheek and left.

"You two are so cute."

"Thanks. Now anyway, there are nine kings for the nine circle. Lucifer presides over them all, and they all have various degrees of loyalty to him."

"Why does this make so much sense with Dante's inferno. Like how did he know? Because if he's dead then he'd only be able to see the pride ring so he'd think that there was only nine rings. But if that's the case how did he publish the book? Hallucinations of the other side?"

"Apparently only one Goetia has ever rebelled against Lucifer and the system at large. His name was Apollyon and he was once a knight in the Ars Goetia. He left to pursue a relationship with an imp woman, they fled from the pride ring and were never seen again. It says he was the guardian to the gates of hell."

'He might be my way out, but how am I going to find him?'

"I'm going to my room. You and Nina have a break okay?" The rest of the day you spent reading.

The next morning you felt a tight grip around your waist.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Sleeping with my wife. What does it look like I'm doing?" Lucifer replied.

"I'm not your wife!"

"Not yet, but you will be."

"Get out of my room fucker!" You tried to push him off the bed.

"Noooo..." He whined. 

"I'm leaving and I'm burning these sheets."

"Stay Doll." He pulled you to lay in bed with him.

////////////////////////////////////////

This went on for a few weeks. He either snuck into your bed or you ended up in his by morning without your knowledge.

One day you finally snapped and had enough.

"Stop! Stop touching me! Don't you see how fucked up this is? I don't know you. You don't know me."

"I want to. Please just give me a chance."

A light flickered on in your brain. "One chance, and on one condition. You let me go anywhere I want today. ON. MY. OWN."

"Okay... don't wear yourself out today! Because tomorrow we're going to Lu Lu world! Oh and here!" He pulls out a briefcase of money. "I won't follow you but please take the succubus."

"I'll take Nina. And I'm not going to ask what Lu Lu world is. Thanks for the money." You take the briefcase.

"I'm just so glad that you're finally seeing things my way."

////////////////////////////////////////

It was the day after your outing and You had to get ready for a date with the devil.

"I think I'm actually going to be sick, Renesmee." She was brushing out your hair as you wore a pastel yellow romper and some matching platform tennis shoes.

"You'll be fine My Lady." She finished off by tying a bow in your hair and pushing you towards the door.

"Wow... you look like a giant duckie. I'm falling even more in love with you than before." Lucifer said as he stood outside your door holding up a bouquet of your favorite flowers. "Hey this isn't fair. Why do you get to wear platforms when you're already taller than me? It's going to be even harder to kiss you now." He teased.

"Thanks for the flowers I guess. How did you know I liked these flowers?"

"I talked to that old coworker of yours, and she mentioned you had a roommate and so I paid her a visit. I promised her that if she filled me in on all of your likes, dislikes, and interests that I'd put her in your contacts."

"Lilian? Did... did you tell her that you're... what you are?"

"Lily...?"

"Do you want to get going?" You asked.

He nodded and you took the limo to a big theme park. He wrapped a wristband around your wrist and took your hand as the two of you exited the limo; you in the regular disguise of course.

There were several different attractions. A tower of babble drop, a great flood water ride, and lots of other bible themes attractions. In the front there was a big map. According to that there was a far off cafe that was called Eden's eats. Along the right there were some game booths where you can win various prizes.

"Where do you want to go first? We have fast passes to anywhere in the park. Perks of being the owner."

"Owner? OH! That makes so much more sense. Lu Lu World, Lucifer. I feel so dumb. Are there any food carts I didn't get breakfast."

"Hmm I think the golden apple food cart should be in the upper left corner at this time. Cmere I'll teleport us there. Their candy apples are the best thing in the park." He opens a portal and you two step through to find a man cowering in fear at the short man next to you. "Hello my good man! We'll take two of your ripest candy apples." 

The man gives you each a candy apple and you smiled and thank the man. He sighed as soon as Lucifer took you hand and lead you away.

He Took you on several rides. Once he figured out that you'd cling onto him on the higher, faster rides he'd take you on exclusively those. After a while you ended up regurgitating that candy apple and he took you to some of the game booths to try and calm you down.

"Pick a duck to win a duck?" You questioned.

"I'm pretty good at this one. You want the big plushie? Oh what am I saying of course you do! If I can't get you the biggest and best plushie, what king of Husband would I be?"

"Wait let me guess. You're simple one Hell of a husband." (A/n: To those of you who get this I love you.)

"Yes actually. I'm also the embodiment of pride though so I kinda need to get you the absolute best of the best."

He ends up winning the game with a high score and you two get the biggest duck plushie they had and a small matching plushy for him. He teleports them home and you two keep walking around.

After a while you two had lunch. Then you won matching apple keychains for you and him. He bought you one of those long white snake plushies they sell at zoos. And at the end of the day you two rode up to the top of the Farris wheel and watched the firework display. 

This was honestly one of the least unpleasant dates you've been on. If you were being honest this was probably one of the least unpleasant days you've spent with him. He spent the day cracking jokes and being a dork. He made you one of those origami fortune teller things earlier. He talked all about how and why Lu Lu world was built, and he even got a bit into his first date with Lilith here. 

But now as you sat in front of the fireworks display, his arm around you, you felt scared. Scared because you felt warm and safe.

'NO! This man threatened my entire family. He knows where Lilian Lives now. He could use her against me.'

"Hey Darling?" He turned you to face him. "I love you."

You gulped down the insults you wanted to throw at him.

"Thank you for today."

He cupped your chin and forced a kiss from you.

[reikunrei]

"More than just an ordinary human."

It's that time again! Another Doctor Who episode wahoo!! Let's check out season 3, episode 6:

"The Lazarus Experiment"

So, Lazarus is, obviously, taken from the biblical figure of Lazarus who was brought back from the dead by Jesus. The story of his revival is meant to exemplify the power Jesus has over death itself, but I won't be talking about that in-depth here; the Bible-talk is more James's wheelhouse lol.

As it applies to this Doctor Who episode, it's not so much about coming back from the dead, but rather about cheating death. Professor Richard Lazarus has created an invention, which he calls a "miracle" (the same word used by Patty in reference to "Henry's" powers in tfs), that will essentially de-age anyone who steps inside.

(Peeping the fact that he specifically mentions the moon landing like Mr. Clarke mentions it in st3)

However, there's a catch! He didn't do his proper research! He didn't account for all possible variables! And something in his DNA is trying to change him! (Another tfs word! We love to see it!)

Rejuvenating, you say? Even after the Doctor blows up Lazarus in his monster form and he comes out entirely unscathed? Golly, I wonder who that reminds me of! Anyway.

So basically what happened is Lazarus "changed his own molecular patterns" by "hack[ing] into his own genes" which is SUCH a NINA-ass word to use. Don't even remind me of all the computer stuff that's being pushed in the st5 leaks and updates. This has seemingly activated something in his DNA that's trying to make him change, and that "change" is a giant scorpion-like monster that is absolutely ravenous. Before the Doctor and Martha are looking at his DNA, we see a scene of Dr. Lazarus grabbing a finger-food platter from one of the waitstaff at his invention's unveiling and scarfs it down, saying he's famished, which the Doctor isn't surprised by (it's insinuated that he understands, at least loosely, what's happening because of the Time Lord's ability to regenerate, which always wears them out and makes them very energy-hungry).

In his monster form, Dr. Lazarus drains all the "life-energy" out of several human victims in order to sate his hunger, leaving an empty shell. (Insert Vecna consuming his victims to get stronger, insert "Henry" killing animals in tfs to sate the Shadow and it being much more powerful when "he" finally kills Virginia, insert Max being left an empty body without a soul/life, etc. etc., you get the picture. Not to mention that the Doctor equates it to "squeezing the juice out of an orange" ... I wasn't expecting a little st vr connection, but I'll take it!). He has little to no control over his transformation, and while he can feel it coming on, he can't just snap in and out of it; it simply takes over and he changes. The first time we see him transform, he writhes on the ground in agony and his wife asks if it's "some kind of seizure" (smash cut to "Henry" in tfs seizing).

Later, after some running around, being chased, and doing some thinking, the Doctor explains to Martha that this "thing" (Lazarus) isn't alien, it's "strictly human in origin." This form was becoming "dominant" because the process of de-aging himself likely awoke some dormant genes that "evolution rejected...millions of years ago...forgotten until Lazarus unlocked it by mistake."

A big part of this episode is about hubris. Dr. Lazarus is overconfident in his invention, and he spends ample part of the start of the episode dismissing the Doctor and Martha when they both warn him that something may be wrong/this may be more dangerous than he realizes. On top of Dr. Lazarus seeking out youth/prolonged life, much like the idea that Brenner is looking for some sort of power/immortality of some kind in st (barely even touching on the other weird stuff like Brenner not aging in tfs between 1959-1979), a lot of it made me think of El tearing into Brenner in 4.08, especially her emphasis on him being the monster, on all of this being his fault, all because he couldn't let Henry go. Brenner has constantly been presented to us, throughout all mediums, to be fairly stubborn and determined to get what he wants, even if the results are catastrophic (ie. the number of guards and orderlies who have died helping him with his child dungeon project, all of the children themselves dying in one way or another, even his own ass getting jumped by a demogorgon and then shot to bleed out and "die" in the desert).

Which leads into the other core aspect of this episode: humanity.

Throughout all of Doctor Who, the Doctor makes it clear that he finds humans utterly fascinating, especially in their mundanity. He emphasizes the importance of everyone's individuality and tells everyone they're special and important, even if they don't really "do" anything. Simply being who they are is what makes them matter; they don't need to be useful or supply anything groundbreaking in order to be amazing in his eyes. They exist as humans, and that's all that matters.

In this episode, we see Lazarus talk about how humans, as they are now, are basically inferior. While a large part of his motivations are about the money he'll make off of such an invention, we learn later that he has a distinct and deep fear of death and being defenseless against it. He wants to "change what it means to be human," to give them "a chance...to evolve, to improve" and to make sure he never has to face death like he did as a child: terrified and vulnerable.

We get the two following conversations between the Doctor and Lazarus, one at about the midway point of the episode before shit really hits the fan, and the other is near the very end of the episode after shit has really hit the fan.

This next one is split into several pieces to get in all the lines because they say a lot that jumps out as very important and distinctly Brenner, with some smatterings of One's monologue and some Henry-isms, especially from tfs, and the general presence of many of The Words.

I wanna point out that the Doctor being at the London Blitz is a direct reference to the episodes I talked about in my last dw post. And I find it incredibly interesting that a lot of the original tfs promo was heavily centered around church, like how this final standoff is in a cathedral, even so far as having Mr. Newby originally be listed as Father Newby, etc., despite the final play not being as heavy-handed with the religious imagery. Idk it's just itching something in my brain! I also wanna note that, since it's kinda hard to see here, the camera pans around Lazarus in a counterclockwise circle, following the path of the Doctor as he circles him, and we aaall know how st loves to use circling camera shots like that.

I especially want to touch on the second conversation the Doctor and Lazarus have in the church. The Doctor speaks to him calmly, trying to get him to understand and have compassion for the experience that is being human rather than trying to cheat it, and that living an exceptionally long life really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even though Lazarus is now a "monster," he's still intensely humanized. He's killed at least four people at this point, but the Doctor doesn't go about simply trying to belittle, dehumanize, or kill him.

When it comes to Brenner, unfortunately, we still don't know much about his past, but we have a lot we can assume or extrapolate, at least based off what tfs has told us and the gaps we can fill in from st itself. We know, at least vaguely, that he and his father had a strained relationship. During the opening sequence of tfs on the USS Eldridge, we hear Captain Brenner talking to his other shipmates about how "it's my kid's birthday today, he told me he hates me."

However, later in the show, Brenner tells "Henry" that his father's return from Dimension X and subsequent death because of it compelled him to join Project Rainbow and devote his life to the cause and figure out what happened. With "Henry's" seeming ability to survive being infected by the Shadow, Brenner tries to tap into that. His main goal in tfs is to make contact with the Shadow and figure out what happened to his father, and since it's then explained that he made more children like "Henry" (specifically the immunity to the Shadow/the shared blood that supposedly gives them that immunity), it's clear he's trying to avoid is father's fate in that way. In short, it very much comes off as an attempt to try and cheat death.

Brenner, throughout the show, often presents what he does as good, both for the children in the lab and for humanity as a whole (though specifically for the US, focused on beating back those nasty commies). Even if he does bad things, it's for the greater good! He has good intentions! That's gotta count for something, right? /s

Both Lazarus and Brenner went into their respective experiments because they thought they could become better than human. Or in Brenner's case, at the very least he could live vicariously through his experiments to feel better than human, which was explicitly touched on in the vr game in clips like this one. As we also see in st4, El tries to call Brenner a monster, but when she relays this thinking to Vecna, he rejects it, and calls Brenner "an ordinary, mediocre man."

Shortly after that first conversation I showed between Lazarus and the Doctor on the rooftop, after Lazarus transforms, there's a sequence where, from inside Lazarus's machine, the Doctor is able to reverse the polarity of the capsule so it reflects energy rather than receive it, and it blasts Lazarus away, turning him back into human form and supposedly killing him.

Right away, with this comment from Martha, Lazarus is equated back to an ordinary human. He's not made to be the "big bad villain" where everyone is glad he's dead, nor is he made out to be this reverent being. He's someone to be pitied. It's decidedly solemn. He was just a man out of his depth who bit off more than he could chew... much like how Brenner is a man out of his depth who bit off more than he could chew.

I wouldn’t be surprised if we learned that Brenner was actively harming himself in his attempt to do… whatever. Much like how Lazarus was harming himself (and others) in order to maintain his new youth, Brenner may be harming himself with his experiments. Whether that be via blood transfusions/consuming blood (see the post I linked from Stav above), or by doing something as drastic as physically combining himself with one of the Henwards, I doubt anything 100% good and rewarding could come from it. Even if he's looking for something like regenerative healing, as we see in Vecna and as hinted by Brenner not being dead despite getting jumped by a demogorgon, what does he have to do to reach that point? What risks are there involved that he may not have accounted for, simply because he would have no idea that they exist in the first place? Just looking at the circumstances of the weird Brenward face combo we get in 4.07… he didn’t exactly wind up in a great spot after combining himself, did he? Plus, while I'm of the mind that Vecna and the guy we see shape the Mind Flayer are two different dudes (James and Em have other posts about this as well), the way it's presented to us implies that Vecna evolved from the MF guy, so there's a sort of compounding that changes in his appearance from mostly-human to mostly-infected-by-the-UD, which... also doesn't seem great.

We can already see how being infected by the Shadow affects people, which is highlighted in Henry not sleeping and barely eating when he's flayed. Hell, Brenner saw what happened to his father after he returned from Dimension X, and he took the lives of several test subjects (many of them children) in his own experiments. He already knows that there are risks and detractions in this work.

At the very end of this dw episode, Lazarus is finally actually killed. Using the organ in the church, the Doctor amplifies its sound using his Sonic Screwdriver to create "hypersonic sound waves" in order to interfere with Lazarus on a molecular level, which is more or less the same thing he did with his machine. Lazarus falls from a high balcony within the church, disoriented by the noise, and turns back into a human upon death. He even reverts back to his "correct" elderly appearance as the Doctor kneels over him and gently shuts his eyes.

We've already seen something similar to this sort of death with Brenner in st4. While I wouldn't say it was a soft moment for him, since El was still clearly rejecting him, she still leaned into his touch, still listened to him, and clearly was grappling with a lot of messy feelings. She, in that moment, wanted to view him as a monster, but she couldn't. Not entirely. That's her Papa! That's someone who, for most of her life, despite every horrible thing he did, took care of her; who said he loved her and held her best interests at heart.

In my mind, this sort of "soft end" is what we should expect for Brenner and Vecna in st5. It could be even softer than what we see in st4, because as much as Brenner deserves to have his shit absolutely rocked, we've been increasingly shown that he is only human. Human's are not monsters, but humans can do monstrous things. That doesn't make them inhuman. And, as people like James and Em have spoken extensively about lately, Brenner is likely but one cog in the machine that is the Cycles in this show, and not necessarily the source of the cycles to begin with. He didn't pop outta the womb wanting to build a child torture dungeon, but something happened to bring him there and cloud his judgement.

And even if the death is something more intense and dramatic like that of Lazarus, it's not necessarily something to celebrate, yknow? Even if the threat is gone (which is a very good thing), it took many horrible, avoidable things to get there in the first place, and that's what's tragic.

B-B-B-Bonus Round: Just Some Extra Shit

vs "Henry" going missing in Nevada for 12 hours per tfs. Martha has been on several trips with the Doctor thus far, so there's the added bit of "the passage of time is messed up" seeing as, for her, it's been several days, but to everyone else it's only been 12 hours.

All of the above is so... yeah lol. Lazarus is repeatedly very weird to the two young women in this episode, Martha and her sister Tish, and he even rejects his elderly wife in one scene when she kisses him and he tells her to "look at [her]self." The sniffing thing even made me think of the demogorgon being given the trait of "smelling blood" so... I see you, Brennergorgon.

I could've probably fit this bit somewhere above, but I'm too lazy, so it's going here instead. Love a good boiler room setting and talking about sacrifices!

"Always the mothers" just like how Brenner say it was always the mothers who came to him convinced their children had abilities or issues, etc. (plus just a little context for Martha's mom's "dangerous" comment: this season has an overarching hidden plot about the Master, who I touched on in another one of my dw posts, wherein he basically holds political power over the city (hiding the fact that he's a Time Lord) and is trying to sabotage the Doctor).

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: "You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

For Nina x Reader please!!

Couldn't Love Anybody Else - Nina Zenik

Content Warnings: Insecurity And Doubt. No Beta/Proof Reading.

"I think it's best that I go," Nina tells Kaz, "we know I can be very persuasive." You smile, knowing exactly how persuasive Nina is capable of being.

"No," Kaz says plainly before looking to you, "you will go."

"Why?" You ask, and bite your tongue at the snapping rate of the question.

"Because you have the expertise to get you in," Kaz says, "and you're exactly his type."

"I resent the way you said that Brekker," Nina says. "Besides I am everyone's type."

"Nina, I need your skills elsewhere," Kaz says, "now go home, get sleep, tomorrow we have a job to do."

You know better than to argue with Kaz Brekker, but that doesn't stop Nina from trying. Once she finally exhausts herself from arguing with him, you hold the door open for her and start the short walk back.

Jesper stops you on the way, asking if either of you have recently set eyes on Wylan, Nina is uncharacteristically quiet, clearly thinking something over and over. "What dumb thing have you done now?" You ask. Jesper tilts his head side to side.

"I didn't do anything dumb," he says, and then upon some contemplation, "but I did say something dumb."

"What could you possibly say that is dumber than things you've come out with before?" You ask, trying not to let your gaze linger on Nina's blank expression too long.

"I was talking about missing Milo," Jesper explained. You nod.

"The goat," you say. Jesper rubs his neck all sheepish.

"Yeah, I am glad you recognised that, turns out that might not have been so obvious to everyone," Jesper says. You sigh.

"You didn't prefix it with, by the way I am talking about a goat?" you ask. Jesper takes his head.

"I would clip you one if I didn't think you were faster than me," you warn him.

"It's stupid, I know, and now I can't find him to explain," he says.

"I'd check the night market," you tell him. Jesper frowns.

"We have a night market?" he looks deeply unnerved.

"In the nice side of Ketterdam, he sometimes goes there when he is stressed, they make good snacks, and they sometimes import good powders," you explain. Jesper scans you up and down in a glance. "Yes, I listen to your boyfriend, now go and apologise while he is still your boyfriend."

"Received," Jesper says before dashing off into the dark.

"Dumbass," you whisper, you look to Nina, hoping for a smile, but she is scrunching up her nose in discontent. You don't try asking until you make it back into your kitchen, and offer Nina some hot chocolate. She shakes her head, not even really registering the question and that's more than enough to have you worried.

"What is it?" You ask.

"Hmm?" Nina says, looking startled out of her thoughts as she looks across the room to you.

"You don't think I can do this job?" you ask her.

"I know you can do this job," she assures you. "I don't like it any though."

"Why spend so much time arguing with Kaz, Nina, you knew it was pointless," you say, leaning against the counter.

"Had to try," she says.

"Why though?" You ask. She presses her hands together and then looks up at the ceiling, she is searching for a reason, a reason that isn't the truth, a reason that sounds more reasonable than the truth, but she fails to find one. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

You had meant about the job, about Kaz putting you in the centre, and asking Nina to pull some background tricks to keep them moving, but the second the words reach her the look of guilt on her face reveals a whole other kind of jealousy, a type you hadn't dared consider. She's jealous that you have to seduce someone as part of the job.

"No," Nina's voice is sturdy but her conviction is lacking. She won't meet your eye as she says it.

"Nina," you sound out her name soft and slow, and she quickly mistakes your empathy or pity and throws you a look. Her arms crossed across her chest and doing her best not to pout.

"Look, you don't have to look at me like that," she says, "I know it's part of the job."

"Nina, I am not looking at you like anything," you defend. She eyes you, not yet convinced. She has flirted her way through jobs before, she has flirted herself out of trouble more times than she can count. But with you it's different, because you didn't flirt for fun, or for the sake of it, you weren't like Nina and Jesper, you'd never got your kicks from watching someone else blush and buckle under the weight of your attention. Flirting was something you'd grown to do, a response to Nina and her charm, a charm that flourished your own. So the idea of Nina watching you work that same charm on someone else, it made her jealous, jealous in a way she hasn't ever really known before. But also protective.

"With your eyes like that," she waves a hand at you before returning it to her side. You've never seen Nina Zenik, Queen of Smiles and Charisma, so... unsure.

"I am looking at you the way I always look at you Nina," you tell her.

"You always look at me with such pity?" she asks. She huffs slightly, moving to cross her arms. "I had always thought it was awe in those pretty eyes of yours, but thank you for correcting me."

"Nina," you tell her, closing the space between the two of you to place your hands gently on her arms. "I never look at you with anything less than utter admiration, and complete reverence."

"Really?" she asks, smile creeping into her pout.

"Nina for a while now, I have been nothing short of ridiculously, and rather desperately, irrevocably in love with you," you say, "have I not made that abundantly clear?"

"Well," she shrugs a shoulder gently, "maybe not abundantly."

"That is on me then treasure, and all I can do is beg your forgiveness for such an egregious duplicity."

"You're just trying to distract me with words now," she teases, "keep going it's working for you."

You laugh, her arms move from being crossed to wrapping around your waist, holding you close to her, as she smiles at you, all forgiven, all argument disarmed. "You know this is just a job to me Nina," you tell her, "this will always just be a job, Ketterdam is not my home, and admittedly neither is Ravka, you are my home, and I will always return to you, you are my only loyalty."

[mimisempai]

I know your kindness

Summary

When Crowley wakes up in the morning, he does not expect to be the object of such solicitude from Aziraphale. A little chat with Maggie makes him realize that sometimes it's good to accept being thanked for your kindness.

Notes

Where Aziraphale finally gets to say thank you...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1817 words

When Crowley awoke, he found that Aziraphale was already up. He wasn't surprised, since Aziraphale was an early riser, while Crowley was the opposite.

He stretched before deciding to get up. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he spotted his clothes and was surprised to see them perfectly folded on a chair, everything that made up his outfit neatly arranged.

After getting dressed, he went downstairs to find a steaming cup of coffee waiting for him on the table, even though he could see that Aziraphale wasn't in the bookshop. Next to the cup was a note written in the angel's elegant handwriting.

My dear Crowley,

A salesman contacted me this morning and I decided to take Muriel with me to show them another side of what I do here. I think we'll be home sometime this afternoon.

Don't forget you promised Maggie you'd visit her as she needs your services.

Yours.

Aziraphale.

Crowley was pleased to see that the daily newspaper was on the other side of the cup. 

Aziraphale was thoughtful. Crowley already knew that. But that didn't stop him from being surprised by all the little gestures he had encountered this morning. He flipped through the paper while sipping his coffee, and when he'd finished, he stood and picked up his glasses, which were resting in their place on the small horse-shaped statue.

Out of habit, he was about to clean them, but found that they were already perfectly clean. He remembered a small smudge that had been there the day before, and that it was gone this morning. 

Aziraphale's care again.

He left the bookshop and headed for Maggie's. As soon as he reached the record store, the blonde woman came up and greeted him, "Oh, Crowley, I'm glad you came. I... here's uh... a buyer wants to buy 5 record collections from me, and the problem is that if I have to have them delivered or take the train..."

"I'll take you." Crowley cut her off.

Maggie was quick to thank him, and a few moments later they were loading the Bentley with boxes of records, and as he closed the trunk of the car he noticed that it was spotlessly clean, and when he opened the door it was the same inside.

Once they were on the road, he was lost in thought, unable to stop thinking about all the angel's kind attentions he'd noticed since he'd woken up.

"Crowley?"

Maggie's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he hummed in response.

"Did I do something wrong to you?"

"What?"

The blonde woman continued, "Because it's been half an hour since we left town and you're not talking to me."

Crowley replied, "I've just been lost in thought."

Maggie, looking a little dubious, nodded.

Crowley gave her a sideways glance, then said casually, "Maggie, you and Nina seem to be relationship specialists. So let's say someone who is already very caring towards you shows you even more caring than usual by doing little things like, uh, I don't know, making your coffee, cleaning your glasses... that sort of thing."

Maggie seemed to think for a moment, then replied, "Well, the first reason I can think of is that they must love you very much. But as you seem to be saying, they're already a particularly thoughtful person, so it's either forgiveness or thanks."

Crowley muttered, "He has nothing to be forgiven for..."

Maggie, overhearing, replied, "Then it's to thank you. Probably because you're nice or you did something nice."

Crowley chuckled, "I'm not nice. Anyway, we're not talking about me."

Maggie nodded knowingly, "If you say so. It's amazing how similar you and Nina are. You both try so hard not to let anyone see who you really are. But you know, Crowley, I have a revelation for you. The ones who love you know who you really are. So no matter how hard you try to hide it, we know. That's why we sometimes resort to little tricks to thank you. You don't want our thanks, so we find another way to give them."

She paused and pointed to a house at the end of the street, "It's that way. We've arrived."

Crowley parked in front of the indicated house and when he started to get out to help Maggie get the boxes of records out, she stopped him, "It's okay, wait for me here, I'll be fifteen minutes."

Crowley nodded.

He couldn't stop thinking about what Maggie had just said. All the times he'd refused Aziraphale's gratitude under various pretenses.

"Well, you're lucky I was in the area."

The angel, his hands still bound by handcuffs, replied with a scowl, "I suppose I am. Why are you here?"

Crowley replied nonchalantly, "My lot sent me a commendation for outstanding job performance."

Aziraphale, offended, retorted, "So all this is your demonic work?" 

Crowley immediately replied, "No. The humans thought it up themselves. Nothing to do with me." 

Then he simply snapped his fingers and the handcuffs opened and fell to the floor.

Aziraphale rubbed his wrists and said, "Well, I suppose I should thank you for the, uh, rescue."

Crowley stood and said aggressively through clenched teeth, "Don't say that," then, standing in front of the angel, he continued, "If my people hear I rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble. And my lot do not send rude notes." 

Aziraphale replied, "Well, I'm very grateful. What if I buy you lunch?"

A knock on the car window snapped him out of his thoughts. 

He saw that Maggie had returned as she got into the car and they drove home. The woman, probably sensing his need for silence, said nothing and smiled softly.

"Where are you?"

The demon, still under the effects of the laudanum, staggered and looked around for Aziraphale. The angel reached out and grabbed him, making him turn around, "I'm here. I'm here."

Then, holding him under his arm, he said softly, "That was very kind of you, Crowley. You saved that young woman."

Crowley pushed him away and said in a slightly aggressive voice, pointing his finger at the angel, "Not kind! Off my head on laudanum. Not responsible for my actions."

**********

As they stood in the ruins of the blown-up church, Aziraphale took off his hat and said gently to Crowley, "That was very kind of you." 

The demon immediately replied, "Shut up." 

Aziraphale insisted, "Well, it was. No paperwork, for a start." then suddenly, he exclaimed in horror, "Oh, the books. Oh, I forgot all the books! Oh, they'll all be blown to... "

Crowley bent down, snatched a bag from the hands of one of the nazis under the rubble and handed it to him. It was the angel's book bag.

He said softly, "Little demonic miracle of my own."

Then, without noticing the angel's look of amazement, he added as he walked away, "Lift home?"

Moments later, as the Bentley sped through the burning streets, Aziraphale turned to Crowley and said softly, "You know... that was a very nice thing you did for me."

The demon turned his head toward him and replied, just as he had the first time, "Shut up."

Aziraphale, always insistent, replied, "There must be something I can do for you in return."

The demon didn't take his eyes off the road and said, "Forget it, will you?"

*********

As gunfire replaced paintball outside, Aziraphale approached the demon and said softly, "You know, Crowley, I've always said that deep down, you really are quite a nice..."

He was interrupted by the demon, who grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pinned him against the wall, almost spitting in his face, "Shut it! I'm a demon. I'm not nice. 'm never nice. Nice is a four-letter word.I will not have-"

Lost in thought, he was unaware that they had arrived.

Maggie turned to him and said softly, "You know, Crowley, it always comes back to what Nina and I told you that day. You need to talk. You just have to ask him."

Then she put her hand on his arm and continued, "Anyway, thank you for today, you didn't have to, but you did me this favor. Thank you for your kindness."

Crowley was about to protest when she just raised an eyebrow, so he sighed and replied, "You're welcome."

As she got out of the car, she said as gently as ever, "See, this is how easy it is."

A few moments later, Crowley entered the bookshop and was immediately greeted by Aziraphale who walked up to him, kissed him on the cheek and said softly, "Hello, my dear, how did it go with Maggie?"

As he asked this, the angel removed Crowley's glasses and placed them on the horse-shaped statue.

Crowley told him about his little journey, and when he was finished, the angel remarked, "Anyway, it's very kind of you to do this for Maggie."

Aziraphale paused, as if expecting the demon's usual denial. But instead, Crowley asked him, "Does it bother you that I never let you thank me or tell me I am nice?"

As they talked, they came to the sofa where they sat down together, and turning to him, Aziraphale replied quietly, "Only because every time, it makes me feel like you think you don't deserve it."

Crowley asked, "And all those little gestures today? Was that to thank me, too?"

Aziraphale gently put his hand on the demon's knee and replied, "For that, and also because sometimes small attentions are more proof of love than grand gestures. Like removing a paint stain from a coat, or salvaging books from the ruins of an explosion."

"I get it," the demon murmured.

Aziraphale tenderly touched the demon's cheek and asked, "Would you let me thank you?"

Crowley nodded slowly and Aziraphale leaned toward him before gently pressing his lips to the demon's right cheek and whispering, "Thank you for rescuing me from my cell in the Bastille," then kissing the other cheek, he whispered, "Thank you for saving my books." 

He then kissed Crowley's left eyelid and whispered, "Thank you for getting the stain off my jacket." 

He did the same with the left eyelid and whispered, "Thank you for coming to my rescue every time I called or not."

Then, cupping the demon's face between his hands, Aziraphale looked into his eyes and said, "You are kind, Crowley, and you deserve to be thanked for all your kindness." 

He pressed his mouth gently to Crowley's, pouring into his kiss all the gratitude and love he felt for his kind demon.

When he pulled away, Crowley wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Then, his mouth in his hair, he whispered, "You're welcome."

Against him, Aziraphale sighed in contentment, happy that for once the demon had simply accepted the gratitude he deserved.

Because he deserved it.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Metal Rings

Fandom: Grishaverse: Shadow and Bone, Six of Crows, and The Grisha Trilogy Summary: Jesper has been acting suspicious since Alina and her friends came to visit them in Ketterdam. Kaz doesn't like it and after some talking, neither does the rest of their flock. Warnings: Mentions of sexual content, ABO dynamics, polyamory, and canon-typical miscommunications Word Count: 11,589 Ship(s): Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik

Archive link!

A/N: So I really, really loved what @polycrowtruther is doing and I got permission to write something inspired off of their work! I recommend reading what they have in their Grishaverse A/B/O AU both because it's absolutely amazing and they do a much better version of world building than I do. I hope that you guys enjoy this little fic! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone &lt;3

Kaz stepped into his home and then immediately felt his hackles raise.

It wasn’t quite like what happened when he knew that he was about to get in a fight, but it was enough to make him feel like he was going to snap at the next person that spoke to him. Usually, his pack was sequestered away in the upper apartment of the Silver Six so that they could be in neutral territory for them all and close to their businesses. Given that they had guests staying with them, they were in the Hendriks estate instead. That by itself wasn’t what was setting him off since they spent enough time in the massive building that it still smelt like them, but the guests that they had staying with them made his hind brain feel wired.

While Kaz couldn’t necessarily smell the difference in his home and his den, the pheromones from people that were basically strangers was enough to set him on edge. He knew that the others were feeling a similar way, especially since Wylan was always a bit jumpier when he had to return back to his childhood home. 

Kaz paused when he stepped through the front door of the estate so that he could settle his nerves. He was sure that if the Queen’s Lady Plague hadn’t killed his sense of smell, he would have been able to take in the heady smell of his pack, of cinnamon, brandy, pine, citrus, and the rich earth of freshly turned dirt. He knew that Inej would have been able to describe Wylan’s scent far better, but Kaz had never smelt it and so had to bring back the memory of his time in Lij to even make an attempt.

He could hear voices traveling through the house, but he was currently too tired to go and join them. He stepped forward while staying on the rug so that the fabric would dampen the sound of his cane. He was leaning on it quite heavily after the busy day of meetings and joint casing that he had. He was trying to help Alina with her little cult problem, as all good friends did, but it was wearing him out. He knew that his pack had the ability to tell what his pain level was just from the sound of his cane and the pattern of his steps, so if he hid it then he would be able to get his much desired alone time.

Despite how desperately he needed to be buried in his own room and surrounded by only his own pheromones so that he could calm his instincts, he paused when he got to the open door of the parlor so that he could peek in on the activities occurring inside.

They had been slowly renovating the house so that it was more to their standards and preferences instead of the up-to-date mess that it had been when Jan had been running it. They didn’t want the estate to be a statement about how much money they had, but instead a home where they could all comfortably retire when the time came. Marya had been managing it in their absence, but her home in the back near the canal had been the first thing to be renovated when they had gotten her back where she belonged.

The floors of the parlor were a lovely polished cherry, parqueted with pretty blue and silver paint. There was a massive rug that Jesper had made himself, after much trial and error, to match the one that his mother had made when he was seven that was spread out underneath the furniture. They had a chair custom made so that Kaz could tip his hips in the way that soothed his knee the best, and then a couch that was big enough for Matthias and Jesper to lay down on together when they were cuddling. The mantel was covered in little things that Inej had been collecting on her journeys around the world, pictures and paintings from the Hendriks, and a couple of Jesper’s first couple of attempts and the crow’s head on Kaz’s cane. The alpha in question had been mortified when he had walked into his living space to see what his mates had done, but they loved the misshapen and wonky figurines too much to get rid of them.

He could just barely see the edge of Inej’s head peaking up over the chair that was closest to the fire, though her braid was casting strange shadows on the wall opposite the fire. She was involved in some conversation with Mal that Kaz didn’t bother to listen to. The last time that he had done that, he had been subjected to joining them in their discussions about metal types which had only gotten worse when Jesper and David had jumped in.

Alina and Nikolai were reclining back on the couch, the alpha no doubt fussing over her bump as he was wont to do. It made Kaz wonder briefly what would have happened with his pack if things had been different, if their lives hadn’t led them down the path of danger and darkness the way that it had.

The sigh that he heard from the fireplace made him smile and tore him from his thoughts. Matthias had to be sleeping next to the hearth, he was the only one that was going to be able to mimic the sound of a dog so closely without actually being one. That meant that Nina was curled up by his side, a theory that was confirmed when he heard her giggling alongside Genya.

He knew that Zoya and Wylan were in the beta’s office so that they could talk about the difference in politics and help each other through a couple problems that they were both facing. Kaz somehow managed to find it both endearing and annoying how interested Wylan had suddenly become in politics. Kaz was glad that Wylan had someone that he could talk to about it, but also a little put out that his mate was beginning to understand the loopholes of Kerch law better than even Kaz could.

Something inside of him stirred when he realized that Jesper was absent from the pack space again. It was possible that he had forgotten something at the Silver Six and had since gone to retrieve it, but he had been leaving the manor more and more often lately.

He tried not to pay attention to where his mates were at all times, which was still a rather new development. When they had first all mated each other in the dark alley directly after the Van Eck/Rollins Heist, it had been to save Matthias’ life. He had known that he loved his crew dearly and he was ready to live with them for the rest of the time that he had left, but he was unsure that they were necessarily trustworthy. Wylan and Matthias in particular had caught people trailing after them more than once. Kaz had admitted what he had done and that was the first time that they had talked about their feelings, expectations, boundaries, and just about everything else as a pack.

He had promised back then that he wouldn’t keep tabs on where they were at all times. In turn, his mates had promised that if they were headed out somewhere then they would leave him a note or a message through another person. That way he didn’t have to worry and they could still have their privacy.

Jesper had always been the worst person when it came to that, Kaz thought as he stalked down the hall. He was being less careful with the sound of his cane because the pain in his knee had flared up and he was working himself up into a tizzy. Jesper was bad about leaving notes to let the rest of the pack know where he was, but it was easy to find him. He was usually out with one of them, in their club, or in the estate. Kaz hadn’t been able to find him in either the Slat or the Silver Six, not even at the Crow Club, while he was there for business earlier in the day.

It had been like that for weeks and it was really beginning to bother the omega.

Kaz was trying to be better for them. He was trying to make sure that all of his mates had the space that they needed. He wanted to suffocate them all, bury them in a mountain of blankets or wrap them up in the back of his closet so that they would never be hurt again. He wanted to keep them in one place so that they were his and only his. But he knew that was not conducive to a healthy relationship and so he was able to resist that urge to the best of his abilities. Jesper was making it increasingly difficult to do so by his frequent disappearances when there were already new people in Kaz’s home. 

The omega made his way up the stairs slowly, using his cane and the banister to support himself. His knee tried to buckle a couple of times but he was easily able to catch himself and haul himself up to the next landing. He stalked down the hall with murderous intent before he ended up in the long hallway that held all of their bedrooms.

At the very end of the hallway was the master bedroom, which was the first room in the entire mansion to be redone. It had the newest technology in heated floors to ease some of Kaz’s pain in the mornings, as did his own personal room. They had gotten rid of all of the items that Jan had used to decorate it, replaced the wallpaper with something that Wylan had helped design the print for, and then altered the furniture. Now it held a custom made bed that was able to fit all of them and likely half of the Royal Pack as well.

Either side of the hall held bedrooms, each belonging to a member of the pack so they could have their own space. Nina and Inej slept closest to the master bedroom and they had decorated their spaces in a way that reminded them of the Little Palace or a real Suli caravan respectively. Jesper and Wylan were on the other side of the hall, decorated perfectly and separated by a jack-and-jill bathroom that had no opening into the hall. Matthias and Kaz were the last in the hallway with Matthias on the right and Kaz on the left.

The omega took only a moment to survey the doors and the flickering oil lamps as he made sure that none of his mates were up in their rooms either. They had signs with their names, printed in white with black font on one side and then reversed on the other, so that they could flip them around and let the others know when they didn’t want to be disturbed. All of the signs were white with black writing, so Kaz knew that Jesper had either forgotten or wasn’t there either.

He grasped the handle to his own bedroom and then pressed it open so that he was overwhelmed with the reassurance of his own space. It would smell like only him if he had the ability to smell, but the absence of other pheromones was enough to soothe the agitated instincts bubbling up in his chest.

He hadn’t been in danger like he was when he was fourteen in a very long while, but it was still habit to survey his sleeping space. So he scanned his eyes over his room to make sure that everything was exactly where he had left it the day before.

When they had all moved into the estate, his entire pack had expressed their dislike of his makeshift furniture. He had left the milk crate bed and wooden door desk back at the Slat at their request and then let the others buy him some intricate, rather overdone furniture. It wasn’t his style but it matched the sets in some of the other rooms so he had allowed it despite that.

He had a large mahogany desk that he was more fond of now that it was sporting a couple of accidental wounds from his cane and once from a shot Jesper had accidentally let off from the hallway when things had gotten too heated between them. It was currently covered with the tax forms for the Crow Club that he had been putting off in the interest of spending time with his guests. He also had a lamp in the corner and then a tiny venus fly trap from Novyi Zem, a present given to him by Jesper when they officially started their relationship.

His bed had no drapes and was a twin, small enough that it wouldn’t really fit a nest. He was okay with that because he had always teetered close enough to the edge of feral that he could only make a nest in the back of a closet unless he was in a shared pack space and his mate pack was there to tell him that he was okay. The quilt was plain but it had been made by Wylan, Inej, and Nina after Marya had decided that was something that she wanted to do so that she could startup the charity she had run before Van Eck had sent her away. 

The walls were sparsely decorated but he had a framed picture of the flowers that he had used for his and Inej’s bonding ceremony the summer prior and a couple of charcoal and pencil drawings from Wylan. It was dark and quiet, the perfect place for him to come and relax now that he was feeling so tightly wound up.

Kaz set his cane against the desk and then stripped out of his coat, leaving it draped over the chair. He then unbuttoned his vest and left it on the top of the desk, followed quickly by his gloves. He undid the few buttons at the top of his collar and removed his cufflinks so that he could roll his sleeves halfway up his arms. Once he was properly undressed, shoes tucked next to the door of his bedroom, he collapsed down onto the bed.

His eyes slipped shut in seconds. He wanted to sleep with his mates so that he could make sure that they were all there, breathing and healthy and wonderful, but it did mean that he had nightmares more frequently. When it wasn’t estrus season, his brain would take any hand or leg clammy with night sweats to mean that he was back on the Repear’s Barge. Kaz would wake up screaming or drenched in his own sweat, too upset to be lulled back to sleep by any of his partners despite their best attempts. He hadn’t been sleeping well, to say the least. 

---

He awoke from his nap after an undetermined amount of time. Given that he had returned in the late afternoon and now the sun was setting low over the gabled rooves of Ketterdam, he figured that he had slept for a few hours. He got up and ran a hand through the rat’s nest that his hair had become while he got his bearings. His room had always felt warm and safe, but he was missing the reassuring comforts of his mate’s un-smellable scents that he always got when he was in the master bedroom.

He slowly inched to the edge of the bed and then used the bottom post to raise himself to his feet. It was always risky for him to stand too quickly when he had just woken up because that was when his joints felt the most loose. He avoided having his knee buckle under him as he walked over to his pile of clothing. He replaced everything with deadly accuracy and precision, tugging it all back into place. He knew that Nina would be proud of him for taking care of his appearance and trying to make himself look nice. She was rather fond of showing him off now that they were around her family so frequently.

Kaz left his coat on the back of the chair in his room and then grasped his cane tightly in one hand as he walked back over to the door. He stepped into the hallway and then took a deep breath, reassuring himself that no one else was adding their stink to the unconscious part of his mind. It was only his pack and their guests inhabiting his home, and he would learn to be okay with that so that his wife would finally be happy. He knew that something was still missing, though.

He let his eyes trail over the doors just as he had before so that he could see if any of them were occupying their bedrooms, which would cut him off from being able to smell their pheromones. Each of the signs were just as they were when he had arrived, which reminded him to turn his as well.

He began towards the stairwell so that he could stop by Wylan’s office first and then seak out the rest of his mates elsewhere. Sometimes he wondered if he should demand that Kuwei come back more often just so that he could have the soothing reassurance that not only was his mate-pack all in the same place, but his entire pack. He knew that was unfair to the poor beta, who had finally gotten to return to his homeland with the people that he loved and formed his own pack. After all, they had only been Kuwei’s starter even if he would be in their permanent.

He walked down the second floor hallway until he reached the place where his mate had taken his office. He didn’t want to work in the same place that his father had, which meant that he had risen to the second floor instead of being down on the first like Jan had been. It was a bit of a difficult transition for the Merchers that came to visit them, but it made the beta much happier while he was working.

“Wylan?” he asked as he knocked on the door to let the other know that he was coming in. What with Wylan’s trauma around being beaten and Inej’s ability to sneak around without ever being seen, there had quickly been a rule developed that prevented anyone from coming into a room without knocking unless it was an emergency. Kaz thought that it was annoying but he preferred his partners to be happy than to have his own needs met every time.

“Good afternoon, precious,” Wylan smiled. The nickname made Kaz stop for a moment, he could already feel the tips of his ears burning with it. In Kerch, terms of endearment were always linked to money in some way because that was the most important thing in their culture. To be called precious, valuable, or desired was one of the highest compliments that someone could get. Kaz had never thought that something like that would be tossed towards him because he had always thought of himself as a monster without fangs or claws, but his partners were determined to prove him wrong.

He cleared his throat and then shut the door behind him. Zoya was seated on the other side of the desk, looking as regal and queenly as ever. She had held that air about her even before she had fallen in love with Nikolai and ascended to the throne, though, so he wasn’t surprised that it had increased with the actual change in power. The desk had all of the items normally set in the middle pushed to the side so that they could look over a ledger and have their tea.

Kaz gave her a nod of his head to acknowledge that she was there and then she did the same back to him. That was something that he had always liked about her, even though she was rather self-important, she did seem to realize when was the right time for her to say something. The omega limped around the table and then brushed his hand over the side of Wylan’s face in a distant show of affection because that was all he could muster in that moment, “I was wondering if you knew about where Jes was today.”

“I thought that he was out doing whatever it is that Jesper does,” Wylan laughed. He reached out and brushed his own knuckles over the top of Kaz’s belt to reciprocate without doing too much. That was something that they had all worked very hard to figure out when they had decided to continue their relationship in practice instead of just mating marks. He was more grateful than he could ever put into words that he had ended up with people that respected and cherished him as much as his partners did.

“I haven’t seen him around today,” Kaz hummed.

He could only stomach a quick glance down at the Mercher’s bright blue eyes. Wylan had a way of reading people that had about half the pack convinced that he was clairvoyant or was looking into their souls. Making eye contact with him was almost unbearable when Kaz was having a difficult day.

Just as he had thought, Wylan was giving him a look of understanding and compassion that made his heart beat so fast he would have to start worrying about whether or not he was going to survive it. “It’s okay to be worried about him, Kaz,” Wylan murmured. “But he’s strong and he can take care of himself. If he’s not home by dinner tonight then we’ll know something is wrong and go looking for him. I can also tell Matthias to take Alys’ dog on a walk because that mutt is constantly trying to pee on him.”

A bit of the nervousness caused by having other people in his home and missing one of his mates was settled when he remembered that. It was another reason that they did live full time in the estate. Alys’ little dog, Huub, was determined that he would pee on Jesper every single time that the alpha was even in the vicinity of him. It was amusing to everyone else but Jesper found it deeply distressing, which was very much less amusing.

A gave the beta a small smile and then said, “I’m going to go check with the others but if they don’t know then I promise not to send the Dregs after him again.”

“Thank you, treasure,” Wylan said with a proud smile. It sent a rush of warm honey throughout Kaz’s veins and chased away the lapping waters around his feet that were trying to pull him under. He leaned into the hand that brushed against his side, clandestine and almost brusque in nature. 

Kaz left the two to continue talking about their politics after sharing another look with Zoya, who had remained blissfully quiet throughout their entire conversation. He did notice as he left that she was asking for the details of the time that he had sent his lackeys after his mates after thinking that he had lost them. He was glad he didn’t have to be in the room for that, it always made him blush so hard that he got lightheaded.

He slowly made his way down the staircase that led to the main floor, going at the pace his knee demanded. “Kaz, I was just about to come up and get you,” Nina beamed when she saw her omega at the edge of the stairs. 

“And why would that be?” he asked, letting the smile that was blooming in his throat overtake his mouth. It was impossible to not be somewhat pleased when Nina was giving him attention. She was powerful enough that it made him preen like a peacock to know that she had picked him out of all of the people that she could have had at her fingertips. Kaz certainly did have quite the collection of mates, all of them just as dangerous and talented as he was.

“I was thinking that you could come out to dinner with us. If you’re feeling up to it, that is,” Nina quickly corrected herself.

He felt another massive wave of warmth bloom through him as he took in the care that his mate was giving him. During the beginning of their relationship and sometimes still to this day, Kaz struggled to let them take care of him. He knew that they wanted to since they had all officially started courting instead of mating so that they could save Matthias’ life. He knew that this was their decision, but he couldn’t help the overwhelming guilt that he felt at being so greedy as to take their hard earned energy and weave himself into their lives after all they had been through. When they noticed things about him and went out of their way to prove that they cared for him it would either shatter his heart or make him feel as though he was melting under their watchful gazes.

“I was actually coming to ask you if you knew where Jesper was,” he replied as he carried down the stairs. He stopped in front of her and then let his eyes flicker to everyone standing around her. 

They had all piled out of the parlor and were beginning to wrap up in their winterwear because the damp cold of Ketterdam would be clinging to its streets for a month or two yet. Alina and Mal were standing closest to the door, the pregnant omega obviously very excited to get started on their journey towards food. Genya was fussing over Nikolai to make sure that he was prioritizing warmth over his own style. Matthias was standing in front of Inej as he got her braid to slip out of her coat so that it could hang long and lovely down her back. Nina herself was tugging at the ends of her chemise so that it would sit pretty over her collar and out the ends of her coat sleeves.

“I thought that Jes was with you or Wylan,” Nina replied.

Inej’s eyes flicked over to her omega once she realized that he was there and overheard their conversation. Kaz knew that she was watching to see what his reaction to the information of Jesper’s disappearance would be. She had been there since the beginning and had seen him in every stage of his worst self to his recovery. Sometimes he worried that she still saw him as the myth that he had created as a piece of armor so that he could seek his revenge instead of the man that she cuddled close to when she had nightmares.

“Wylan is still with Zoya,” Kaz shook his head.

“Oh! We need to get them, they have to come with us,” Alina chirped as she wiggled away from where Mal had been trying and failing to wrap a scarf around her neck. The ridges where the deer antlers had once peaked through the skin of her neck were bare around the flaps of her unbuttoned coat. 

Genya hummed and then tied the scarf with talented, easy fingers, “We could just leave her here.”

“You know that if we do that then she would actually kill us,” Mal laughed. 

“Either that or she would find a way to monopolize all of Alina’s time so that the rest of us were driven mad,” Nikolai huffed as he continued to pull at the gloves on his hands. He and Kaz had had a discussion about that on the second day of the other pack staying with them. It appeared as though the beta didn’t use them very often, only when he was out in public, and so they were as uncomfortable as they would be if they were part of a uniform. Kaz had worn his gloves non-stop, even going so far as to wear them when he slept for a couple of years, that his basically felt like they were part of him. It was an interesting dichotomy to have when they shared something so similar.

“I’m going to go get her. Do you want me to bring you your musician?” she spoke directly to Kaz when she said that and he couldn’t help the tinge of red that bled into his ears. Having any of the Crows state themselves that they were his, or even when they were called that by other people, drove him absolutely up the wall with want for them. When he was younger, he had never understood the partners that marked each other up to the point where it looked like they had forgotten where the mating gland was, but now that he had his mates he had never been more sure that he wanted to sink his teeth into every bit of skin that he could.

“If you would, Sankta,” he replied, knocking his cane delicately against her calf. He would have done it a bit harder, he knew Alina’s limits well, if she hadn’t been expecting. He was on edge because there were new people in his space and her mates were all on edge because of her pregnancy pheromones. It was a strange part of their biology but he wasn’t looking for a fight, so he was going to work around it.

The other omega let out a squeal and then kicked at his ankle before she rushed up the stairs to where their mates were. Kaz shot a glance over to where the majority of the larger pack was to see if he was in trouble. When he had determined that he was not, he settled back on his wife.

“Are you going to be upset or disappointed if I tell you that I don’t want to go out with you tonight?” he asked, keeping his voice low so that the others didn’t hear.

“Of course not,” she murmured. “I heard you when you came home, so I know that you had to go take a nap on your own. I don’t want to overwhelm you with even more people if that was where you were this afternoon. Just promise me that if we leave you here unattended, you won’t go back to the Slat or try to send people after Jesper. And you have to eat a decent dinner.”

He let out an unhappy noise at what as being asked of him. Before he could continue, he felt the presence of his other alpha behind him. He tilted his head up so that he could see Matthias looking down at him, his brows furrowed in the way that the big puppy always got when he was truly worried about something. “Do you think that Jesper is in trouble?”

“I don’t like how often he’s been leaving the house, it makes me worry,” he groused. “He also didn’t leave a note.”

“Jesper never leaves a note,” Matthias replied pragmatically.

Logically, Kaz knew that the alpha was right. Jesper was always too scattered and lost in his own world to leave a note like they had all agreed that they would. Just because there were new people in his space didn’t mean that Kaz had to suddenly be trying to cause problems within their pack. “I just don’t want him to be doing something self-destructive,” he sighed.

“If he was gambling again, we would know,” Nina whispered. “Plus, he uses his Grisha-zowa abilities more now, so there’s less of an urge for something to fill that void.”

The members of her pack didn’t think anything of it, but Genya perked up to what her friend had said and asked, “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” she asked, unaware that she had even said something out of the ordinary.

“Call us both Grisha and zowa?”

Nina’s beautiful cheeks colored red with embarrassment and she raised one of her talented hands up to her lips as if she could put the words back in her mouth. “Jesper feels more connected to his mother when he calls himself the Zemini word for our kind, and I wanted to have that kind of a connection with him while also remembering my own homeland, so I say them hyphenated.”

“That’s awfully romantic of you, Nina,” Zoya’s voice echoed from the stairwell as she, Wylan, and Alina emerged into the grand hallway. She was holding onto her mate’s hand and the omega looked like a child that had gotten in trouble, which let Kaz know that she had arrived out of breath.

“What can I say? When your mates are as hot as mine, you just can’t help it,” she flicked her hair over her shoulder and then trounced towards the doorway before she laughed and had to turn around.

“Well done,” Zoya mocked her as she began to pull on her coat.

“Where are we going?” Wylan asked as he began to reach for his winter wear as well. When he got both of his arms stuck in his coat, Inej giggled and rushed over to help him get it on properly.

Kaz watched them interact with each other without being able to join in and he finally felt content with that. He knew that there would be other days, days where he could kiss them all silly, days where he could hold Inej’s hands through their winter gloves, days where he could have Matthias’ arm wrapped around his waist. It wasn’t the end of the world that it wasn’t one of those days, not the way that he had thought it was when they had first started this whole thing.

In a big rush of chorused voices and waves back at him, his pack and his friends departed into the chilly streets of Ketterdam in search of their dinner. He would send for something simple from the kitchen staff, who were more than happy to be cooking for people that didn’t have refined pallets and snotty tastes. For the time being, he was going to let the hunger and the worry gnaw at each other in his stomach as he searched for his missing partner.

Despite what he had promised his partners before they had left, or what they had taken as a promise, he wasn’t just going to let Jesper keep disappearing the way that he was.

Kaz grasped the head of his cane tightly in his hand and then headed for the back door. He was going to check the grounds before he went to any of the regular gambling dens that Jesper had frequented before they were together. The cold bit at Kaz’s ears and nose, cutting through the thin material of his shirt and vest as he realized that he hadn’t donned any of his own winter clothing.

He wasn’t going to let that stop him. The storm brewing on the horizon was enough to make his knee feel like it was going to explode, so he knew that it was going to be more effort than it was really worth to turn around and go back into the house. He made sure to be careful as he walked down to Marya’s cottage on the edge of their property, overlooking the water so that she had something that changed to paint. She slept in the house so that Wylan knew his mother was being taken care of, but she liked to have her own private place to reside away from the staff during the day. 

It was still early in the evening so she would be currently taking her dinner in the cabin before she came back in to spend some time with Wylan and then retire to her own bed. Kaz stopped in front of the door with his hand raised to knock before he paused. It was a testament to how much work he had put into himself that he even though before he disturbed his mother-in-law for something that he wanted, even if he decided that his worry outweighed her possible annoyance.

Marya’s crisp, “Enter!” rang through the air after a single second post knocking. Kaz grasped the door and then walked in to see that she was right where he had thought she would be. She closed the book that she had been reading while she ate and then tilted her head up towards him, “Oh, hello, dear. I thought that you and Wy would still be with your friends.”

“Wylan left for dinner. I wasn’t feeling quite up for it so I decided to stay back,” he explained. He knew that she was already familiar with the brisk and to-the-point way that he spoke so he didn’t have to try and draw anything out for her. “I stopped by because I had a question for you, Ms. Hendriks. I won’t keep you from your dinner for long.”

“Nonsense,” she shook her head. She rose easily from her couch and then closed the door firmly behind him before she motioned to the chair on the other side of her coffee table.

Kaz knew that it was going to be more work to fight her than to just acquiesce to what she was wordlessly asking. He limped over to the chair and then sat down with his leg stretched long underneath the table to give the aching muscles a chance to relax. She took a roll from her plate and then pressed it into his hand just like the perfect mother always would, just like Kaz had dreamed that his own mother would if she was still living.

“Now, what did you wish to ask me about?” she asked, folding her hands in her lap like she was still the wife of a Mercher.

He took a bite of the roll and then chewed it thoughtfully so she didn’t feel like he was rushing. He did enjoy being around Marya, she was kind and she respected the issues that he had. He just wanted to find his alpha more than he wanted to spend time with her eating food he didn’t want. “Have you seen or heard from Jesper today?”

“I haven’t, I’m sorry,” she shook her head. “He came and visited me yesterday, he told me this lovely story about his farm back in Novyi Zem.”

---

Kaz ended up staying in Marya’s cabin for half an hour. He hated the fact that he had lost time he could have been looking for his mate but he knew that it was important to interact with her. They had gotten a trusted Healer to look at her after they had brought her home and were informed that the treatments she had received at the institution that Jan had sent her to had damaged her psyche badly. She would have good days and bad days with the good outnumbering the bad the longer that she healed, but she would never be the Marya that Wylan remembered from his childhood. Apparently it was also important for her to have solid things in her life that she could grasp, like visits from all of her children-in-law.

He stayed for the polite amount of time and ate everything that she offered him because he wanted to show that she was cared for. He left after the first gap in the conversation after ten minutes, however, because he was desperate to find his mate. Jesper tried to visit Marya at least briefly every day, so the fact that he hadn’t been down to the cabin struck Kaz as very odd.

It ignited a worry in his chest that his mate was sneaking off with someone else. That made him feel immediately horrible, both for questioning his alpha’s fidelity and reigniting the idea that he was undesirable. He knew, practically, that he was. He was an omega that couldn’t smell and it was very unlikely that he would ever be able to bare completely healthy children. His pack had never shown an interest in pups and none of them seemed to care about his inability to scent them properly. What they might actually care about was the fact that he was the pack leader, that he was unruly and wild, and that he would never be the homemaker that omegas were supposed to be.

He wouldn’t blame Jesper necessarily for going after someone that could give him everything that the alpha wanted and deserved, especially since Kaz couldn’t give it to him. Jesper was so kind, caring, considerate, funny, handsome, and witty. He deserved an omega that was going to be able to touch him all the time, that wouldn’t snap at him after a nightmare, and that would know how to seak out his scent on clothing without having to ask someone else.

Kaz grasped the head of his cane so hard that it dug into the flesh of his palm through the leather of the glove. He tried as hard as he could to push that thought out of his mind as he continued forward towards the boathouse. He pulled open the door as quietly as he could so that he wouldn’t summon any of the staff outside, but found that it was empty and closed it again. He then began to head towards the old shed that Jesper had transferred into a workshop of sorts, where he practiced his abilities in a place that he could be as chaotic as he wanted without stressing anyone out.

The shed itself had the same chipper white painted wood on the outside as the house and cabin did, though the roof was a thatched mess that Jesper had done himself to be closer to the father that he had left overseas. He had also installed two windows that were glazed so thickly that it was nearly impossible to see through them. They had a bit of light shining through them and down onto the muddy snow still clinging to the edges of the building in the shadows. 

Immediately, the omega knew that there was someone in the workshop. Jesper had promised them that he wouldn’t be working on any of his projects while their guests were there, however. When he was using his powers or working on something that didn’t directly involve one of the others, he tended to get so sucked into it that he would lose himself for hours and hours. Given that they were supposed to be playing host to people that they very much enjoyed the time of, it wasn’t the ideal situation to be in. That meant that it was partially unlikely that Jesper was the one in his office, so Kaz approached in quietly so that he wouldn’t alert the person if it turned out to be a rival gang member.

Kaz stepped up to the door and then pressed it open with a soft creak. He had lifted his cane up and then set it down as quietly as he could on the doorframe so that it wouldn’t make any noises even though he had to rely on it pretty heavily to keep himself upright. He moved his head forward so that he could see into the shop and then felt his breath be stolen from his lungs.

Despite all of the promises that he had gotten, Jesper was the one that was in his workshop. He was sitting on the massive bench in front of his worktable with something clutched in his hands. There were three large slabs of metal and several gemstones resting directly in front of him, most of them littered amid shavings and scraps of something Kaz couldn’t immediately recognize.

“I just can’t get this,” the alpha groused. Kaz smelled someone that wasn’t familiar to him then, the pheromones sending a shock of aggressive possessiveness throughout his entire body. He went rigid and felt his hackles raise more than they had since he had first mated all of his partners.

A pair of hands wrapped around the back of Jesper and unfolded whatever he was working on, setting it down onto the workbench. “What if we take a break for a while? Do something else?” David’s voice emitted from the person standing behind his mate.

Kaz’s mind immediately went to cheating. He would have been able to deduce gambling in some form or another because Jesper would have kruge and cards on the table. The only other solution to his panicked and possessive mind was that his alpha had slipped away with the pretty, talented beta from his best friend’s pack.

“What if the others come looking?” Jesper asked, which only cemented the idea further.

He should have stayed in the doorway to listen more to what was happening inside. If he was going to accuse his partner of doing something that out of character, he was going to need a rock solid claim to do it with. His heart was hammering in his head and his breath was coming in angry pants as he found himself unable to control his temper. He knocked the door to the side with the head of his cane and then stepped over the threshold so that he entered the workshop with a brush of cold winter wind. “If you didn’t want the others to come looking for you then you should have left a god damn note, Fahey.”

“Kaz!” Jesper shouted in surprise. His hands darted towards the table and he grabbed several of the things that were resting there so that he could shove them into his pockets. Kaz leaned heavily on his cane as he stepped forward so that the two of them were standing as closely as they always did, but there was no love here now. There was only accusation and nervousness.

“I understand not wanting to have only me, but I don’t understand how you could betray the others with someone that Alina trusted. This ruins both our pack and theirs,” he snarled.

Gray eyes that had been filled with fear moments earlier squinted shut, a clear sign that Jesper was confused. He held up his hand and then jabbed it down at the omega to prevent him from speaking again before he finally asked, “What in the world are you talking about?”

“You snuck away without telling anyone where you were so that you could cheat on us with him,” Kaz replied flatly as he gestured towards David with his cane. Dark eyes flickered between the omega and alpha before David paled a bit and then sat heavily in a chair in the corner, one that Kaz had always used when he wanted to be around Jesper while he worked.

“I am most certainly not doing that, you absolute lump,” he huffed. 

That should have been enough to alleviate the worry and accusation that hung heavy in Kaz’s throat, but he was still fired up from his instincts going haywire. “If you’re not in here to cheat and lie, then what are you in here for?”

Jesper’s eyes darted down to the floor between them and his cheeks tinged pink, deeping the already dark hue of his skin. “I… You have to promise that you’re not going to laugh.”

Kaz made a hum in his throat which made the alpha shift back and forth nervously, like a toddler that had gotten caught with their hand wrist-deep in the cookie jar. He reached out and guided his mate down onto the bench, though Kaz managed to maintain the stiffness of the limbs despite the comfort of having someone he loved that close to him.

“Kaz, I really need you to promise me that you’re not going to laugh,” the alpha squirmed.

The duo had been friends for years and known each other even longer than that, so Kaz had seen Jesper in almost every form that he came in. It was strange to see him that self conscious of something that he had done, especially when there were so many people around him to reassure him that whatever he was doing was both wanted and good. “I promise,” he finally choked out around his anger. He wasn’t going to explode and make his mate feel like shit if he had misunderstood something and let his instincts and hormones get the best of him.

Jesper let out a low breath and then reached for the shards of metal that he had tucked into his pockets. Kaz could have easily stuck tricky fingers into the fabric and stolen them himself, but his hands remained steadfast on his cane instead. 

The alpha turned his hands over to reveal that the items were not, in fact, shards of metal but fully formed rings. “What is this?” Kaz asked, gently reaching out so that he could snag at least one of them and look it over. He was successful because Jesper knew better than to try and hide palm-sized items from his mate. 

Kaz laid the ring down in his hand and then turned it over so that he could see the other side. It was a perfect circle with woven copper and iron that crested at the front around a beautiful white stone that glittered like an opal or quartz. He traded it out for another and then examined it as well.

“It’s, well, this is going to sound really stupid, but Wylan was talking about how Matthias had gotten you a ring to try and cement the whole pack thing in a Kerch tradition instead of just his Fjerdan way because he’s been struggling a lot with his country lately,” Jesper rambled. He was shuffling his feet back and forth to try and stifle down the excess energy that was rolling off of him in massive waves. 

Since it was becoming apparent that they were having a private conversation, David jerked into a standing position. “I am going to go find the others. I knew Alina said that she was craving fish and chips so I will check those restaurants first. I’ll let the others know where you are, Jesper,” he said in that awkward, stilted way that he always did when he was nervous. He darted out of the room as quickly as he could but securely shut the door behind himself.

Then, it was only them and their feelings swirling through the room. Slowly, the omega returned the ring to where it belonged and then placed a hand on his leg. He hadn’t been okay with touch earlier because he had been so overwhelmed by the new smells and people in his space, but his alpha was so upset that he wanted to comfort him above his own limitations. 

“I know that we’ve done the Zemini ritual, but I wanted to be able to mate you all in the Kerch way too. Both places are my home and I want to be your mate in them both,” Jesper explained quietly. “David is a much better Durast than me, to the point where I would suggest you hire him to be in the Dregs if he wasn’t already the leader of a whole school in Ravka.”

“Jesper…” Kaz rasped. He could see where this was going and it was already overwhelming his chest with emotion that he had to get out lest he suffocate under the force of it.

“I’m not done,” the alpha said quickly. Kaz shut his mouth and clenched his teeth so that nothing else would spill out. Jesper had something that he needed to say and he deserved to get his emotions out just as much as Kaz did. “I asked him to help me make some rings for you all while he was staying here, which is where I’ve been going every time I’m not with you all or helping Wy. He said that they would be more special if I made them myself instead of just commissioning him to make them so that I could gift them.

“And don’t even start with the whole rant about how Matthias bought the ones for the rest of you, I can make them and I should so that they’re special. I just… I can’t get any of them right, none of them look the way that they did in my head. I don’t want to give them to you if they’re imperfect because it might make you all realize that I’m imperfect,” Jesper finished. His eyes were staring down at the rings that he was still presenting out in his hand, the metal of which was now wobbling back and forth as he toyed with his power.

“That’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard,” Kaz snorted.

Jesper pouted, his shoulders hunching forward like they always did when he was nervous about something. Immediately, Kaz realized that he had said the wrong thing out loud and kept too many of his thoughts to himself. He reached out towards his husband and looped their fingers together so that their knees were forced to knock together. “The idea of perfection is something that only exists in the tales of the Ghezen, Saints, and Djel, it’s not real. Look at someone like Marya: she appears to be the perfect mother but she still let Jan do all of those things to Wylan without helping him. That doesn’t make her less worthy of staying here and being cared for by us but it does make her imperfect. Imperfection also does not disqualify one from being loved.”

There was a dark rumbling then that filled the hut that they were setting in. It was like a rush of warm water or a late spring breeze that was sweeping around Kaz all at once, reminding him that he belonged to Jesper and he had just made the alpha very happy. Jesper reached forward and placed both of his hands on Kaz’s hips to draw the omega onto his lap. He peppered kisses over the side of his husband’s face when he was met with no resistance and then asked, “When did you become such the poet?”

Kaz didn’t know why something as simple as the alpha purring had dissuaded all of the apprehensions he had about touch only moments before, but he was guessing that it was actually the concentration of Jesper that the receptors in his brain were picking up on in the workspace. The fact that his mate had just gone through so much work to make them something so kind and heartfelt was also enough to make him want to crawl inside of his husband’s skin, which certainly helped.

“I’ve always been like this, you’ve just never had the patience to listen,” he lied as he eagerly leaned into the affections that he was receiving. “I want to see the one that you made for me,” he wiggled away from the alpha so that he could pry Jesper’s hand open and see the rings.

“I haven’t finished them, I just explained that,” the zowa squeaked in fear as he clenched his fingers even tighter.

“I don’t care if they’re not up to your insanely high standards, they’re good enough for our pack and I want to see them,” he demanded. Jesper growled low enough that if Kaz were a regular omega, he would have quivered or been lulled into paying attention to what was being asked of him. Given that he was both the back leader and Dirtyhands, it was nothing more than play for the two of them. Kaz leaned back into his alpha as he continued to work at getting Jesper’s fingers apart and then snagged the one that was meant for him, which had been moved out to the edge of Jesper’s palm with the alpha’s abilities.

Deft, somehow bare, fingers picked it up and then turned it over a few times so that he could look at it from every angle. It appeared to be simple, a green band encapsulated inside of two silver ones that was completely smooth. Upon further inspection, though, there was a carefully written saying in purple woven into the crushed gemstones encased in clear glass in the center. “What does this say?” Kaz whispered, his eyes filling with tears too quickly for him to be able to make it out.

He knew that his partners loved him, he knew that with the entirety of his soul. It was one thing to know that he was loved and another to be holding a physical representation of it in his hands. It was a constant reminder that he was adored the same way that the ring on the chain from Matthias and the simple band around his wrist was.

“I told you that it was unfinished. I wasn’t able to get the writing to look the way I wanted because I poured the glass too soon and now I’m working through another layer of something entirely. Sorry that the letters are so bad you can’t read them,” Jesper sighed. To anyone else, it would have sounded like something bitter and almost cruel towards Kaz. He knew his mate better than anyone else so was able to tell that it was simply another self-deprecating jab at the alpha himself.

“Will you shut up that mind of yours for one second? You’re brilliant but it is such a liar,” Kaz sighed.

It worked at least a little bit as Jesper wrapped his arms tighter around Kaz and then hid his face in his omega’s shoulder so that he wasn’t exposed to the outer world, like it would somehow save him from embarrassment. “You’re going to think it’s cheesy and hate me for it.”

“Tell me,” he demanded.

“It says: With this ring, we become one in soul, body, prosperity, and commerce. It’s a combination of some of the things I heard people say in bonding ceremonies and what the Kerch say during wedding vows,” he explained, squirming nervously.

Kaz flipped around so that the two of them were facing each other again, despite the creak that his knee gave in protest. “Jesper, listen to me very carefully,” he said as he brushed the hand that was still gloved over his mate’s face. “You’re going to stop panicking over these. You’re going to bring them inside, along with me, and you’re going to give them to our partners as soon as they get back from dinner.”

“We’re not also going to dinner?” he asked, looking a bit put out. Kaz was just glad that Jesper hadn’t tried to object to the other part of the plan.

He shook his head, “I have other plans for the two of us.”

---

Jesper would have been mad if his husband hadn’t known him so well, that much Kaz knew for certain. They were both laying in the master bedroom feeling strung out and much more relaxed than they had been before. While the rest of the house smelled like their visitors and put them both on the barest amount of edge, their room smelled like only their pack and safety so it soothed their minds. Kaz had also made sure that their room was covered in their happy pheromones by dragging Jesper into it and riding him for the better part of an hour, even coaxing his knot out despite them not being anywhere near their estrus.

“Do you really think they’ll like them?” Jesper asked, his lips moving against his mate’s skin as he traced lazy designs over the back of Kaz’s hip. He had just finished soothing the muscles in Kaz’s bad knee, so he had to let his hands wander elsewhere to relax his own cramping hand.

“Do I need to fuck you more than I just did? Of course they’re going to like them,” Kaz snorted. Slowly, he rolled over so that he was facing up instead of laying face down on the bed. When he saw that there was still worry shining in his lover’s deep gray eyes, he placed both of his ungloved hands on either side of Jesper’s face and kissed the tip of his nose. “They’re perfect because you made them and you clearly put a lot of work into them. We don’t need something that a queen could wear because we’re thugs, thieves, and pirate captains. Wylan hates the shit that his father left him because it’s perfect. Imperfections make something perfect to get attached to.”

“I guess so,” the alpha mumbled, dropping his forehead down so that it was resting on Kaz’s shoulder. “Do you think that we should get dressed before the others get back?”

“No,” he said, like a petulant child. As he spoke, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his husband’s waist to bring them down on the bed that they were cuddled together. “Alina should have already learned her lesson about walking in where she’s not wanted.”

It was a testament to how much the sex and being in his master bedroom had soothed him that Kaz didn’t notice that the door had opened until Nina spoke, “But are we wanted?”

“Course you are, love,” Jesper grinned as he propped himself up on his forearms. “You look absolutely ravishing, my dear.”

She dramatically flicked some of her chocolate ringlets over her shoulder and then said, “Why thank you.”

“Move, please,” Matthias said politely as he walked up behind her. He had just enough time in the moment of surprise that he was able to lean down and kiss her cheek. Soon the entire pack had filed into the bedroom and were disrobing from their winter clothing.

Inej cast them a knowing glance and rolled her eyes dramatically before she continued on towards the bathroom. She sat down on the pouf in front of the huge mirror where she, Nina, and Jesper would get ready every morning. Kaz peaked his eyes up from where he had buried his face into Jesper’s stomach so that he could watch the long tresses of her black hair come unwoven from the bun they had been locked in that morning. She took great care with running the brush through them, as if to show off for them since they were on display for her. Kaz never forgot how much he loved her, but it was wonderful to be reminded like that.

“You two were having fun without us? So not fair,” Wylan pouted as he walked over to the bed, now devoid of his boots and coat. He leaned over and gave Jesper a long kiss before he turned to Kaz, hovering to ask what the omega was okay with. Soon they were also kissing, which made the beta smile like a total idiot. “I told you that you would find Jesper.”

“You do need to start leaving notes for us, love,” Nina said as she slipped into the bed. She had obviously been uncomfortable in the outfit that she had picked for herself that day, which Kaz and Matthias had warned her about, because she was now in nothing other than her chemise. She dropped her arms over her eyes and let out a low moan of pleasure as the tenseness in her shoulders and back was able to release.

Jesper dislodged from Kaz so that he had the chance to stand and dress, suddenly feeling very exposed compared to the rest of his partners. With a flurry of movement and routine, they were all getting ready for bed like they had been with each other for the entire evening. Kaz knew that he had picked the right pack the first time that they had done that, after Inej, Nina, and Matthias had been away for nearly six months while on their respective missions. 

They were all cushioned on or under the massive blankets that decorated their master bedroom’s bed, surrounded by the scents and pheromones of their pack and no one else. Kaz himself was cushioned between Matthias and Inej, holding hands with Wylan underneath the other beta while staring at Jesper. The alpha squirmed like he could feel what Kaz was doing, but refused to say anything. When he had finally gotten fed up, Kaz loudly declared, “Jesper has something to give you!”

“I hate you,” the alpha hissed as he whirled around to face his mate.

“That’s not what you were saying earlier,” he smirked, joy flooding through his system as he watched the way that Matthias and Nina both flushed red. He had sex with Inej and Wylan too, but neither of them understood the absolute beast that emerged from the omega when he was knotted outside of his estrus and the lengths he would go to so that he could get it. 

“Jes, what do you have for us?” Inej asked. She had known them the longest and thus was able to tell when they were about to get in one of their little spats, though now they resulted in kisses far more than they did bruised feelings. 

The zowa shifted on the bed and then reached over Nina so that he could grasp in the top drawer of the left nightstand, his drawer. She giggled when she felt his weight over her stomach and poked at him until he batted her hand away with the one trapped between them. He returned to his sitting position and then awkwardly unfurled his delightfully long fingers so that he could present his hard work to them. “I know that they’re not really up to par with what Matthias got, but I wanted to propose to you all under Kerch traditions because this is also my home.”

“Oh, Jesper,” Inej whispered. She wiggled away from where she had been buried against Kaz and a pile of pillows so that she could see what was in her mate’s hands better. Her agile fingers immediately picked out the one that was meant for her and then turned it over so that she could see it better. It had an even, beautiful clasp on the back so that it could be worn as an earring or as a ring depending on what she was doing. The petals of the flower on the front would fold out over her finger or spine together when it was hanging from her earlobe, the rainbow colors dancing in the dim lamplight.

“These are beautiful, jewel,” Wylan said. Kaz opened his mouth to tease his mate about the choice in pet name given what they were currently doing but then snapped it shut again when he saw how mystified they all were with the gifts that they were receiving.

Wylan’s ring was a simple bad of onyx stone wrapped around iron so that it would lay flat under Mercher gloves or play nicely with a pen while he was working. It glinted and shimmered when it was turned in the light as the beams refracted back on each other, enough that their attentions were immediately drawn to the flexing tendons in the back of his hands while he admired it.

Nina’s ring was the biggest and most extravagant out of all of them. It was a rose gold color with a large white gem inlaid at the front, surrounded by several other blue and red gems to symbolize where she had come from and where she was going in the pack. As soon as she had the item resting on her finger, she grasped Jesper’s face between her hands and kissed him like mad.

Matthias’ ring was simple, likely because when he wore something too expensive or extravagant he got very nervous that he was going to lose it. This way, it was personal to him and also not something that he had to panic about all the time. The metal was a dull yet still somehow shiny gray color that clung to his skin when he slipped it onto his finger. There was a very small carving of a wolf’s face on the front with the tiniest red gem that Kaz had ever seen.

“I… I wanted to work on them more so that they didn’t have the imperfections that they do, but I was found out and convinced that you would all like them as they are now,” Jesper said once everyone had finished grabbing their rings so that they could try them out. He slipped the other ring that Kaz had examined onto his own finger, right where it belonged.

“I thought that we agreed that you wouldn’t go looking for him,” Wylan chided from where he was now sitting in the alpha’s lap.

“I said nothing of the sort,” Kaz snorted as he turned his face away. He could feel the place that Matthias’ hands were dancing over the duel rings now resting right next to his heart and he settled immediately. This was the pack that he had always dreamed of when he had been out on the streets and then again when he was trying to heal from whatever wound he had inflicted upon himself that week. They were compassionate but hard enough that he didn’t have to worry about their safety, and they loved each other with the devotion of a postulant. He was warm and safe in their embraces and cherished beyond words.

[lover-girl-estxx]

Teenage Nick x reader, Nick being insecure because he’s from a poor family while dating the reader who comes from a wealthier family. (Not mega rich)

Angst with some fluff?

Doesn't matter

(17)

*my gif not my TikTok

"this would look nice on you" I held up a shirt to Nick "you like it?" he nodded I put it in the cart he sighed. "you need new socks?" I asked he shook his head "you sure?" "yeah i'm sure" he snapped back "okay". "who's that for?" he asked as I put a purple hoodie in the cart "Nina I thought it would be cute for Christmas" he didn't say anything.

Nick helped me put the bags in the back of my car, "you want to come to my house?" I asked "sure..only for like an hour h" he nodded. He laid on my couch watching TV while I was sitting on the floor wrapping presents "did you get my mom gifts?" he asked I looked up at him "yeah of course!" "does that mean I have to get you mom something?" I shook my head "no I just saw something thought your mom would like it" he took a deep breath and sat up "how many under there are for me and my family" "um half" I said unsure "stop buying us stuff" I gave a breathless laugh and he didn't crack a smile "baby it's fine I like buying you guys stuff" "stop...I gotta go i'll see you when I see you" he stood up "you need a ride?" "no" he walked out the door.

| 3 Days Later |

I knock on Nick's door, Nina opened it "hey your brother here?" I asked she nodded and smiled "his room" I went in his room he smiled till he saw the shopping bag in my hand. "hey!" I smiled and leaned door and kissed him "what'd got?" he asked "it's an early gift, I know you have a meet this weekend thought you needed this" I pulled a new TapOut gym bag. His bag was falling apart "take that back" he said rubbing a hand down his face "what you don't like it?" "no you just treat me like a fucking charity case" he sat up "what?" "your buying me and my family shit rubbing it in my face" my eyes slightly watered "i'm not I-" "No what fucking girlfriend buys her boyfriend socks" he stood up "thats what your upset about" he scoffed and shook his head grabbing the bag handing it to me "get out i'm done being you're fucking charity case" he lightly pushed me to the door "your kidding me" "no i'm not" I picked up the bag and quickly walked down the hall. Nate was on the couch "here new gym bag" "oh shit thanks Y/n" I nodded and wiped my nose I nodded "I gotta go" I softly smiled "oh okay".

I slammed my car door before putting it in drive. I sat on my bed my knees to my chest "I thought you were staying at Nicks tonight?" my sister asked I shook my head pulling his hoodie tighter "what's wrong?" she sat next to me "he broke up with me or I don't know".

It was about 12 I was watching TV, Nick opened my door "hey," he said quietly "i'm sorry I just-it's hard for me Y/n...I-I can't buy you things I can't by my mom my little siblings anything, that makes me feel like shit. I shouldn't have talked or done that to you" I sat up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders from the side "I like getting you stuff I don't want anything from you..thank you for saying sorry" I kissed his shoulder. He laid next to me "i'm sorry but I gave that bag to Nate" I said looking at him "you did?" he smiled I nodded he shook his head "that was a nice bag" "no duh" I said he pecked my lips "love you i'm sorry again" "love you too Nicky" .

[moo-oon]

Good Omens Re-Watch pt.1

I'm rewatching Good Omens with some friends (some have seen it already some have not) and I thought I would share my thoughts as they come because I am dying.

EPISODE 1:

The scene where Maggie calls Aziraphale to her record shop because she cannot pay rent could potentially be seen as a foreshadowing of the downfall of Crowley and Aziraphales relationship. I believe that Maggie represents Crowley even though I initially thought otherwise. Running with that thought though Maggie feels like she's run out of time, and is unable to afford the shop (and in turn her lifestyle). Instead of Aziraphale addressing Maggie's concerns he brushes it off and makes an unfair trade to allow her to stay without paying rent. While on the surface it feels like a typical angel move, it stems from a place of selfishness. He does not want things to change, and he wants his music, so he’ll make it happen without ever addressing the root problem. Sound familiar :)

In the scene of Crowley and Shax in the park, Shax says that she has been trying to do elaborate plans to spread pain and misery but the humans get to it first. This feels a lot like Aziraphales and Crowley's relationship with heaven and hell. Both parties have inadvertently worked against them and their hopeful relationship.

I have seen so many people talk about the coffee shop scene where Crowley says “You only have three reasons to call me” and how that shows how much he gets used in the relationship. And while I entirely agree that Crowley is not valued enough Aziraphale responding with “its nice to tell someone the good things you’ve done” is really heartbreaking. You just know that Crowley wants to have normal domestic conversations and that Aziraphale desperately wants validation. PLEASE COMMUNICATE BETTER!

I could be looking into things WAY too much but when Nina says “hard choices, mint tea or chamomile” there has to be some purpose.

Can I just say that I love and adore Muriel.

Beelzebub is willing to give Crowley SO MUCH to get Gabriel back. Lowkey Aziraphale vibes? Also, Beelzebub saying “You could have whatever your nasty little heart desires” and Crowley not taking that as an opportunity to get him and Aziraphale safe shows his entirely different perspective. In Crowley's mind, the only way that they are truly safe is if there is no heaven and hell to interfere. If Aziraphale had gotten that offer (which he basically does in ep6) he would have taken it in a heartbeat. They are not in the same place mentally at all this season.

EPISODE 2:

I think the book of Job is such an interesting setting and I do not remember enough from my Catholic days to give a full review and so I will leave that to others. But may I say that there is something very telling about biblically focusing on the section of the bible where god screws over someone who believes and worships him so purely. Aziraphale idealizes god and all the “good” that comes with him, but ultimately is emotionally destroyed by his “teachings”.

Also, the Job section of the episode points out that god and satan talk on the regular. Timestamp around 3:40 Muriel says something like “And then Satan said” like it was just a normal afternoon chat. I do not know how significant or how insignificant it is but I thought that was silly!

Aziraphale holds himself back from correcting even Jim (Gabriel). When Jim is organizing the books in alphabetical order by the first word of the first sentence Aziraphale almost snaps at him before holding back. I know it's entirely different than correcting the almighty (as seen in ep1 with the creation of the universe) but it still feels significant.

The metaphor of Maggie being Crowley and Nina being Aziraphale is so perfect. Nina and her controlling partner (heaven) and Maggie watching from across the street pining over her but knowing it won't work. It won't work BECAUSE of the controlling partner and the mindset Nina has about it. I was unaware something so small could make my head and heart hurt so much.

“The big ones can be used as fly swats! I know what you’re thinking, but it is okay, it never works!” Gabriel basically saying that he likes flies and does not want to kill them is so sweet. He is delirious, confused, and unaware but still has some sort of love for Beezelebub :)))))))

I do not think it can be said enough how adorable and heartbreaking it is that Crowley wants to get Nina and Maggie together by being hit with a sudden rainstorm and sharing a canopy. No further explanation is needed.

The pain that is Crowley forcing Gabriel to remember even though it's painful because Crowley has done it. Crowley has been cast out and had his memory altered and broken up. His brain entirely shrunken and scattered. That theory just hurts my heart.

Back in Job times, Aziraphale tries to make assumptions about what god wants. Crowley has a better understanding of heaven and god because of his rebellion. We all know he is a decently high-up angel thanks to episode 6 so I trust his perspective on heaven decently enough. Aziraphale is so sunken in his desire to see the good and perfection in heaven and god that he is so utterly blind to heaven and HIS imperfections. 

“Angels can't be tempted, can you?” says a lot. First of it is interesting that they don’t seem to entirely know if it's possible. Second of all while Aziraphale entirely denies it he then immediately is tempted. Once again highlighting the flaws of his perception of a perfect heaven. Heaven cannot be perfect if Angels can be so easily tempted.

All you wonderful intelligent people that analyzed what/how/why the angels do not see or recognize Crowley as a demon in the ? childbirth? scene during Job times I respect you. So much to unpack there.

Nina associates people entirely with the coffee they order. She even judges people on that, despite that being only a fraction of their personality. Aziraphale obviously does the same and focuses on people and their sins rather than their entire situation. His moral code is so strict that he cannot even recognize that someone might have an unfair advantage or disadvantage that requires sin.

In the next immediate scene, he even views himself in such a tiny view. He did one thing against heaven and immediately assumes he was going to hell. Even calls himself a fallen angel.

[zalrb]

A - julie plec's excuse as to why she just had to write a de endgame due to nina's absence never felt real to me. tbh, i think she's full of shit. she had every opportunity to start the dissolution of de, but instead she kept making elena's whole identity about damon and damon... well. I haven't really watched the last two seasons of tvd but i'm guessing he was the same "i can't be good without elena" jackass?

"take season 6 for example. That was the perfect point to start the dissolution of DE. Elena becomes so lost without Damon that she asks Alaric to compel her. Without her memory, she becomes more like her old self (which is basically what happens) but then I'd have her friends be awkward around her and I'd have Jeremy side eyeing her and I'd have stefan be as distant as possible with her (after all she's his brother's now and his brother's dead) her whole entourage acting weird is driving elena crazy until caroline or bonnie snaps and tells her just how it is. And Elena's shook, you know, she just can't fathom becoming that kind of person. So when Damon returns and Elena finally gets her memories back, she still doesn't go back to him because all the realizations she's had during her time being compelled are still there and she doesn't want to be that kind of person anymore. So the rest of the season would be focused on Elena rebuilding her sense of self and identity. Then she goes in a coma and I'd have her goodbye to stefan be a sharp contrast to her goodbye to damon, because she never stopped loving the former and she's giving closure to the latter. Then S7/8 would be more focused on rebuilding the SE bond on Stefan's part while Damon moves on. Series finale comes around, we get into Elena's head and realize that while she was in a "coma" she's been having hallucinations of her loved ones and Stefan is the one that she sees the most and makes her hold onto hope (kinda like Stefan in 5x01). Here you go, you've got SE back on track and the clear romantic endgame even if Stefan ends up dying anyway. Lol that was a long rant. Sorry. Like I said, TVD reruns have me a little frustrated. Feel free to ignore it all xD"

Stelena et al. Masterlist

subcategory: how i would *write* a stelena endgame

[xbludlust]

❝ all monsters are human. that's the most frightening thing about them. about us . ❞

        𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟⧸𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑒 : vanessa bishop / lilith  ››  demon  ››  nina dobrev .

❛❛   aesthetic .  ❜❜   ―   ◜   ❏  . ―   sinful  lips  whispering  the  most  wonderful  horrible  things  and  bloody  touches , they  say  the  loveliest  angel  makes  the  cruelest  demons ,  this  is  simply  bloodsport  for  a  being  like  you , a  taste  for  the  forbidden  ( biting  flesh  before  apples  ,  spilling  ichor  in  your  wake ) , doe  eyes  before  she  slices  someone’s  throat , the  mind  of  the human  girl  in  her  head  fighting  for  control  / “ she’ll  eat  you  alive “  . ⸻  tw :  posession tw , cancer tw , death tw .

🇦​🇵​🇵​🇱​🇮​🇨​🇦​🇹​🇮​🇴​🇳  ››

―   ◜   ❏  . ―   supernatural. nina dobrev. cis woman. she/her. ― i saw  vanessa bishop / lilith   on the streets, you know? the  35/unknown years old demon, i think they been around beacon hills for a year, but i can be wrong… not like they can leave now, anyway. i heard a rumor that they want to control the nemeton. they hum rev 22 :20  by puscifer , you know?  . ⸻  .  

🇧​🇦​🇸​🇮​🇨​🇸  ››

full name : vanessa bishop / lilith .

age : 35 / unknown .

date of birth : september 21st / unknown .

occupation : queen of hell .

species : white-eye demon .

language(s) spoken : universal .

hair color : brown .

eye color : hazel brown / white-eyes .

notable scars : n/a .

🇮​🇳​🇹​🇪​🇷​🇮​🇴​🇷 ​ ››

positive : calculative  ,  playful.

negative : sadistic  ,  manipulative .

moral alignment : unaligned .

deadly sin : all of them .

element : darkness .

emotional stability : questionable .

alcohol use : socially .

prone to violence? : yes .

drives / motivations : herself / lucifer .

🇧​🇮​🇴  ››

―  born and raised in beacon hills , vanessa, is the only daughter of eric bishop ,  a socialist collector, and margo bishop , an infamous ex-con/criminal, who met one another when she stole from him . meeting more times than they liked , the two eventually fell for each other and their love of history and rare artifacts . The three lived a very happy life and would go on family outings all the time. Occasionally, they would visit vanessa’s paternal grandfather,  who was the only one who did not oppose eric and margo’s marriage despite margo’s controversial past as a delinquent . 

―   However, when vanessa was 8 years old, eric died of pneumonia while he was away on a business trip.  Soon after, margo fell into a deep depression, to such an extent that she neglected vanessa . for two years , vanessa had to learn to do things herself around the house before margo snapped out of it . realizing she practically abandoned and neglected her child , she decided to live with the thought of raising vanessa well and never abandoning her again. finding work at a strip club as a bartender to provide for vanessa , considering her paternal family contested eric’s will and left them with barely anything .  

―  she and her mother grew extremely close . a cool and fun-loving woman with a noticeable sassy side to her, who could get along with anyone, even if it was a child decades younger than her , shaped much of vanessa’s character by the wisdom she shared with her as she grew . 

―  whenever margo didn’t have a baby sitter to take care of her , she would bring her to work and made her stay in the office or back dressing room for the dancers who happily helped margo out with vanessa . eventually once she was old enough to stay home by her self at 16 without margo worrying , she did . 

― unfortunately, margo would pass way when vanessa graduated high school . learning her mother had been sick for over a year and refused chemotherapy because they couldn’t really afford it . at the funeral all who cared for them came , all of her mother’s co-workers and owner pitched in paying and helping vanessa with the funeral .  

―  soon with what she had left and what her mother put aside for her for college , vanessa went to community college as she took over bartending at the strip club to make ends meet . working hard to earn her degree , she finally got a job at the museum she loved as a  Museum Curator . undeniably being her father and mother’s daughter when it came to her interest in history and rare items . 

― over the next few years , she had people come to her with odd questions regarding certain items or legends ( unknown to her that they were hunters ) , but she would happily answer them if she could . eventually , a rare and odd artifact came to her, an horned like artifact , unaware of the fact that this is  Lilith's Crook . the moment she touched it was the moment lilith took her as her vessel . 

most of Lilith’s info can be found by clicking here !

—  Lilith was originally one of the early humans. God demanded that angels bow to humans and love them more than him, but Lucifer refused because he saw humans as unworthy, for which he was cast from Heaven. Trying to prove to God that he was right about humanity’s flaws, Lucifer “twisted and tempted” Lilith’s soul into a demon. Because of this wicked act, God had Lucifer imprisoned in a cage by Michael as punishment for this unforgivable offense.  .

—  the Cage was closed with over 600 seals, 66 of which had to be broken for Lucifer to escape. As Lilith had been Lucifer’s first demon, she was also made into the 66th seal; thus, if she died after 65 of the seals had been broken, her death would set Lucifer free. easiest way to ensure his freedom . 

— Afterward, Lilith herself became trapped “neck-deep” in Hell, rendering her unable to leave Hell on her own power. During her time down under, she began sending demons off to her to do her bidding. While she commanded absolute loyalty in hell, she had no control of demons topside. In order to control her army, she created a Crook, which would retrieve all of Hell’s “lost creatures” and bring them back to Hell. The mere existence of the Crook compelled demons to obey.

—  After Lucifer told Azazel that Lilith was essential to his release from the Cage due to her capability to break the seals, Azazel plotted to free her as part of his plan to free Lucifer. In her escape Lilith is now trying to break the 66 seals and release Lucifer from his imprisonment . 

— Even by demon standards, Lilith is extremely monstrous and sadistic .  Lilith is very popular among demons and she possess her own personal entourage of demons. All of Lilith’s subordinates seemed to either fear or revere her. At least two demons refused to give up any information on her even under torture because they feared how she’d punish them, any torture hunters could devise would be “a flea bite” compared to Lilith’s methods.

—  lilith is now in the body of vanessa bishop , quite the popular girl in beacon hills . a bit promiscuous here and there , but giving lilith a hard time to keep under control as vanessa sometimes tries to fight back to take control of her own body . which will make it all the more fun when lilith breaks her . 

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 20

Chapter 20: Nina

_

“She’d tailored him again just this morning, enduring his glowers and grumbling. No, enjoying them, grateful for the excuse to be near him, ridiculously pleased every time she brought him close to a laugh. Saints, why do I care? Why did one smile from Matthias Helvar feel like fifty from someone else? She’d felt his heart race when she’d tipped his head back to work on his eyes. She’d thought about kissing him. She’d wanted to kiss him, and she was pretty sure he’d been thinking the same thing. Or maybe he was thinking about strangling me again.”

Omg enemies to lovers at its finest! I do wonder, though, how this storyline will work in the context of the show because, as we saw in Helnik’s last scene, they look at each other longingly, Matthias realizing that Nina came for him once more. He didn’t look like someone who hated her, so I don’t know what’s gonna happen between then and the beginning of Six of Crows for both of them to hate each other this much. 

“Every morning he complained that she was impossible to wake.

“It’s like trying to raise a corpse.”

It’s funny how that ends up being her power later on. Leigh really was giving us little, tiny clues all along. 

“Jer molle pe oonet. Enel mörd je nej afva trohem verretn. ” I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.”

How does Leigh come up with the most poetic things?? Like??!! And to think that Nina is the one saying this phrase first, which is the one Matthias later tells her?? Dude!!

“I will always be a threat to you, Matthias.”

The corner of his mouth pulled up in a rueful smile. His eyes were almost sorrowful. “I know.”

I love this! It’s like he can’t help but be sad about the fact that because of who they are, they are destined to fight for opposite sides and be enemies. The angst is done so well!!

“You must find a way to make peace,” said Inej. “At least for a while.”

“This is not your concern,” Matthias growled.

Kaz stepped forward, his expression dangerous. “It is very much our concern. And watch your tone.”

So when Helnik snaps at Jesper it’s fine, but when Matthias snaps at Inej, Kaz snaps back, defending her? That’s interesting, Kaz. Your feelings are very much not showing here. 

“She lifted her hands. “How about I crack your skull open like a robin’s egg?”

“You don’t want a look at what’s inside my head, Nina dear.”

I can’t wait to see Kaz throw around terms of endearment like “darling” or “dear”. We see him in the show as being very stern and, although he is, he has very much a sense of humor that we don’t get to see much of in the show, so I can’t wait for them to show it in the spin off. 

“Matthias nodded. “The Fjerdans believe all the world is connected through its waters – the seas, the ice, the rivers and streams, the rain and storms. All feed Djel and are fed by him. When we die, we call it felöt-objer, taking root. We become as roots of the ash tree, drinking from Djel wherever we are laid.”

“Is that why you burn Grisha instead of burying them?”

He paused, then gave a brief nod.

“But you’ll help me lay Nestor and the Squaller to rest here?”

He nodded again.

[...]

She’d stopped then, the truth of their situation returning to her with terrible clarity. She was deep in enemy territory with no allies but a drüskelle who’d thrown her in a cage only a few weeks earlier.

But before she could speak, Matthias had said, “I owe you my life, Nina Zenik. We will get you safely home.”

He really can’t help being decent and I loved that even after years of brainwashing by Brum, his decency didn’t die. Even when she trekked through Fjerda with Nina after they were shipwrecked, it only took him all of 3 weeks to sound and speak freer than before! 

“He knew her well. With every new thing she’d learned of jurda parem, she’d been more certain that the only way to protect Grisha was to end the scientist’s life. She thought of Nestor begging with his last breath for his Shu masters to return. “I can’t bear the thought of my people being slaves,” she admitted. “But we have a debt to settle, Matthias. The pardon is my penance, and I won’t be the person who keeps you from your freedom again.”

I can just imagine how heavy Nina’s burden was when it came to Matthias, and it must have felt horrible for her, for her to want to settle her debt to Matthias instead of protecting Grisha lives by wanting to not let Yul-Bayur live. 

“In those days after the shipwreck, she and Matthias had formed an uneasy truce. What had grown up between them had been something fiercer than affection – an understanding that they were both soldiers, that in another life, they might have been allies instead of enemies. She felt that now.”

This last part of the quote oddly sounds like that last one, after Matthias dies when Leigh writes that both Nina and Matthias were twin souls, destined to be soldiers fighting for opposing sides, and destined to lose each other too quickly. 

Next up, we see what Inej, Kaz, Jesper and Wylan have been discussing while Nina and Matthias were doing their funeral rites for the drugged up Grisha. 

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

Sunshine To His Storm

pairing: kaz brekker x wife!reader

this is for my fall event requested by: anon

Y/n and Kaz Brekker. The definition of opposites attract. Kaz was a dark and brooding being while Y/N was sunshine in human form. When they first met Kaz would constantly get overwhelmed by her cheerful tone and her inabitily to see just how dark Ketterdam is. But after a while he grew fond of her rambling about her day or the slight skip in her step. And then it got to a point where he couldn’t go a day without seeing her bright smile. As his tolerance for her grew, his barriers, mental and emotional walls came down. He became a softy for his wife… Not that he would let anyone find out.

~

Y/N sumbled slightly into the Slat, arms full of this week's groceries. The rest of the crows were sitting down around the main room talking, “Hi, Y/N/N! You need any help?” Nina moved to help her, but Y/N declined her offer. She continued her walk almost blindly to the kitchen when Kaz stood up and followed her swiftly, “I’ll help you.” 

“Kaz, I said I got it- no, Kaz- okay, or not. Yeah that’s fine.” She chuckled and followed him into the kitchen. “Let me take at least one.” “Y/N, no. I got it.” They’re voices faded as they got to the kitchen. 

Jesper watched the whole scene wided eyed before turning to the rest of the group, “Did-did he just offer her help?” Nina slowly nodded her head, “Yes…? I didn’t even think that was possible… Even if she is his wife.” Matthias rolled his eyes, “Even if he is Kaz Brekker, I’m sure he has a heart…” Jesper and Nina gave him a look, “Okay, at least for his wife.” 

Inej couldn’t wipe the fond smile off her face, “He really loves her. He would go to the end of the earth for her. I saw them cuddling on their couch one time.” Jesper’s head snapped towards her, “What? When did you see that?” She hummed in thought, “I think it was last week, Kaz asked me to bring him some details on something and when I came to their window Y/N was fast asleep while they both were on the couch.  It was actually really sweet. I’m so glad Y/N decided to put up with his stubborn arse.” 

“Who's a stubborn arse?” Y/N chuckled as they walked back to the couch Kaz was sitting on before. Kaz sat down and lifted his leg to rest on the coffee table infront of them as Y/N sat down next to him and slightly leaned into his side. “No one. Anyway, how was your day Y/N/N?” Nina was quick to ask her with a smile. “Oh, it was good! I went to the market to get groceries. Then on the way back I saw this man with a small crate of bunnies! Oh my saints! They were the cutest little things I’ve ever seen! Which leads me to my question,” She turned to look at Kaz, “Can we go back and get one? I asked him how long he’ll be there and he said for another two hours or so. He’s still there so please, Kaz! Can we get a bunny?” He sighed, “Who's going to take care of it?” Y/N smiled, “Well, I would! Please, Kaz?” He ran a hand down his face and tried to stifle his smile, “Okay, you can get the bunny.” Y/N jumped up, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She ran to the hall closet to grab their coat, but before she rounded the corner she heard Jesper teasing Kaz, “You actually caved in.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Yes you do! Just two weeks ago you said no pets. And now you are getting Y/N/N a bunny. You caved.” Nina, Wylan and Inej all laughed at Kaz’s expense. “I did no such thing.” 

Y/N smiled to herself. She knew he became a softy for her, it wasn’t hard to figure out. But it was funny hearing Jesper pick and poke at her husband. “Okay, Kaz. Let’s go!” She pulled him up and started walking towards the door. 

Kaz muttered something that made Y/N throw her head back laughing before they were completely out of view from the rest of the group. Nina smiled, “They really are good together, aren’t they?” “Yeah they are. It’s funny though because they are so opposite.” Wylan chuckled. Inej nodded, “She is the sunshine to his storm.”

[intimidating-fettuccine]

The big long lore post

This post contains summaries of all of my character lore, and will remain on the pinned post on the blog for easy access!

PLEASE NOTE - THIS WILL HAVE TRIGGERING CONTENT WITHIN IT. CREEPS WITH ABUSE MENTIONS ARE MARKED.

Obvious disclaimer! Some of these are VERY different from their original canon, and that’s the point for me. I understand not everyone likes or wants to follow my lore, but my writing follows this lore.

Putting them under a keep reading because this is so long

Jeff (Mentions of abuse):

The second-born son to a family that didn't want him, born weaker but more intelligent than his older brother, Jeff was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by his mother his entire life. The only kindness Jeff ever knew was from his older brother Liu, the attributed golden child of the family. Used to being a victim of bullying, his luck took a turn for the worst when he was escorted to an open field, tied up, and lit on fire by the worst of his bullies, only making it out alive due to Jane saving him. On the night that he snapped, he murdered his parents in cold blood before trying to escape, harming his brother in the process. To disguise himself easier and cause a distraction, Jeff in a break of panic and insanity started several house fires as a diversion. Jeff now lives life through a facade, presenting himself as a strong and capable person, hiding the weak, scared version of himself inside.

Liu (Mentions of abuse):

The first-born son to a family that originally treasured him, life started off good for Liu, until Jeff came into the mixture. While Liu will never tell Jeff, and will never shatter his reality, Liu was not as loved and treasured as Jeff thought. Their mother constantly pushed Liu to be the best, better than Jeff, and would beat him and scream at him as well whenever he disappointed her, however, Liu was better at hiding the bruises. Sully developed in his early adolescence as a way for him to cope with the trauma of his mother, Sully taking the brunt of the abuse and Liu trying to save his brother from the same fate. On the night that Jeff attacked him while fleeing, Liu ended up wandering into the woods, and in a state of half-death, ended up in a state of limbo. He ended up stumbling through a hidden area to access the Underworld from the human world, and in his state of limbo transformed into a self-aware zombie. Liu now spends his days trying to reconcile with his sibling.

Jane:

Jane grew up a normal child in a loving household. However, her fate was changed when the Masters family moved in across the street. While Jane had always shown the boys kindness, often helping Jeff in secret, telling off his bullies, and protecting him from the shadows, she felt ultimately betrayed when in his spark of insanity he lit her house on fire in the wake of his path. Jane suffered severe injuries trying to navigate inside to her parents who ultimately ended up dying in the fire. She vowed to seek revenge upon Jeff, but upon learning they both contracted with Slender and were not allowed to fatally harm each other was forced to form a truce with him. She's learning to give him ounces of forgiveness these days and finds hating him to be too exhausting as she tries to move on. They're neither friends nor enemies.

Nina:

Involved with the above three, Nina often followed in her older brother's footsteps and took great joy in terrorizing Jeff, hating him from an early age. She ended up developing a crush on the older brother, Liu, although he never returned her affections due to the age difference and her treatment of his sibling. After learning that Liu still loves Jeff even after the incident, Nina now holds that same hatred for him as well. After Jeff ended up seeking revenge and killing his bullies, he accidentally left Nina alive, and she viewed this as him mocking her and getting back at her for the years of abuse. She is now devoted to trying to kill him. She also has an issue with Jane who no longer has any drive to kill Jeff, viewing Jane as a traitor and an idiot for giving up on her vengeance. She is currently employed under Zalgo and works as one of his highest-ranking workers.

BEN (Mentions of abuse):

An only child born to a happy household, BEN was well-loved until his mother passed away when he was still a child from an illness that had been plaguing him for years. His father turned to alcohol and violence to cope, and while his mother would protect BEN when he was younger, once she passed BEN was forced to endure years of abuse alone, obtaining his fear of water from his father mock drowning him as an abusive punishment. After saving up cash and trying to escape, BEN's father discovered his hiding space and in a fit of rage and betrayal, intentionally drowned BEN in their bathtub. Now a mess of hollowness and fear, BEN drowns (pun I didn’t notice until beta reading) himself in work and games to distract himself from his trauma, trying to prevent himself from attempting to actually drown himself again from the emotional high it had given him. Working as the trusted, intelligent informant under Slender, he does whatever he can to hide his past from others.

Toby (Mentions of abuse):

Born as the second child to an influential CEO who was insanely fixated on having the perfect family, Toby, his sister, and his mother lived in an abusive hellhole for a very long time. He was rapidly punished once he started developing his Tourette's, as his father viewed it as an imperfection, and so all of their punishments would continue growing worse. Strict education and strict rules must be followed, and if you break them, endless suffering follow. Toby, unable to feel the pain of punishment, was forced to watch his sister and mother be tortured, serving as a much more effective punishment for Toby. Mock execution, starvation, isolation, sensory deprivation/assault, anything that would terrify his family, his father would do. After his father accidentally murdered his sister in a punishment gone wrong, Toby snapped and murdered him, escaping and running away while his mother covered for him. His mother still loves him and cares for him today while he recovers from all the abuse in hiding at Slender's mansion.

Tim and Brian:

Friends from a young age, Tim was the quiet loner, and Brian was the anxious boy who couldn't make friends. Brian was drawn to Tim like a moth to a flame, and the two of them were always side by side. They lived perfectly normal and happy lives until Brian got the interesting idea for them to try and be ghost hunters. It started off as an innocent and stupid hobby until they actually ended up stumbling upon truly cursed items, leaving the two of them to become possessed by entities that we now call Masky and Hoodie. The two of them searched everywhere to try and get help but no exorcism could expel the spirits from them. They eventually stumbled upon Slender in the woods near Brian's house, and he took them in, offering assistance with the entities now residing in them.

Kate:

A girl with a penchant for exploration, Kate had a habit of escaping from the free world and spent most of her time in the woods located behind her house. She liked the exploration and would try and visit cursed areas around her town, and one she had discovered online wasn't too far from her, at the very edge of the woods. It was an old shut down mining facility, however, it was shut down for a reason. There was a cursed monster lurking in the depths, and it ended up casting its curse upon her, invading her senses and causing her to leak a dark, wet, ashy substance when in her cursed and transformed state. She ended up being saved by Slender, attracted to the commotion as he keeps tabs on some of the entities residing in the human world. He gave her a place to live in his mansion and helps her cope with the curse residing in her veins. Due to the effect the curse has on her eyes, Kate was even originally unaware of Slender's true appearance. 

Natalie (Mentions of abuse):

A daughter born in a family hoping for only boys. With a misogynistic father looking for a son to pass his business down to, Natalie was the opposite of what he wanted. Their next child, Natalie's younger brother, would go on to be the favored child, while Natalie was forced to behave like a boy and not allowed to own anything remotely feminine, and she was even referred to as "Nathan" instead of Natalie in the house. Natalie and her mother were routinely beaten by their father due to his hatred of their existence. After her younger brother grew close to her, treasuring Natalie as his older sister, this made her father even angrier and the abuse ended up escalating. As Natalie grew older, she tried harder and harder to become more feminine, and her father in a fit of rage started to sexually assault her as it was the only thing women were good for in his mind. Eventually, after dealing with all of this for so long, her younger brother snuck Natalie a knife, giving her the means to murder their father while he covered for her, allowing her to escape. The two are still in touch to this day and have made lots of progress in recovering.

Helen (Mentions of abuse):

The only son born to rich and influential parents who were hoping for a daughter. Helen lived two lives, one as a studious young boy in the public, forced to get the highest possible education, and in private nothing more than a toy for his parents to dress up as a girl, forcing him to act feminine and portray himself as a girl behind closed doors. Helen found escape in art and wished to grow up and pursue it, however, his parents ridiculed him for this, destroying any art supplies they would find and physically abusing, degrading, and humiliating him constantly as punishment. One of Helen's duties behind closed doors would be to dress up as a woman and cook dinner for them every night, and one day after finally snapping he poisoned their dinner, effectively killing them before escaping and running away, discovering Slender a few years later. Helen doesn't remember doing so and will dodge questions about it if asked, but his parent's corpses were discovered heavily mutilated and posed artistically. Helen still retains this habit today, although he always claims he never remembers doing so.

Dr. Smiley:

A completely normal man on the outside, Smiley always had a flair for the more inhumane sides of science on the inside. He liked pushing experiments a bit too far, doing things a little bit too monstrous for what would be considered safe. He lived as a well-respected doctor during the day and a sadistic experimenter at night. He was eventually outed for his crimes and went to escape. He lived on the run for a few years before Slender chose him specifically for his medical knowledge, scouting him as the first official doctor for the mansion residents, so long as he kept his experiments on their targets rather than those that lived within the mansion. 

Sally (Mentions of abuse):

A child that was raised in an orphanage that was actually used as a human trafficking organization. Sally was a frequently used target within the organization, one of the more popular children. Constantly abused and assaulted, Sally never knew peace for the entirety of her life within that hellhole. Eventually, the organization was discovered, and in a last-ditch effort, all of the children within it were murdered and disposed of. Sally went on to wander around in the Underworld as a tormented spirit until Slender found her and took pity on her, giving her a place to finally rest. She still carries her severe hatred and mistrust of men but is making progress in recovering in the safety of the mansion.

Eyeless Jack (Mentions of abuse):

Another child brought up in an orphanage as his parents died in an accident when he was still a child, Jack ended up getting adopted into what he hoped would be a loving family. He was instead taken into a cult that only picked him due to his heterochromatic eyes. Forced to study, become nocturnal, and isolate themselves from each other, the children of the cult had to follow all of the various rules within it. Those that disobeyed rules would serve as human experiments as punishment, and despite being perfectly good, other kids would pin things on Jack so he had to suffer. After reaching a certain age, Jack would also be forced to consume human flesh. They went through all these lengths to prepare a vessel for a demon they wished to summon, and Jack would go on to become that vessel, the vessel for Ambrosa, the demon of scholars. Carved with symbols, branded and mutilated, eyes removed as an offering for the demon, in his final rebellion, rather than having the demon summoned, it fused its own soul with Jack's by accident, turning Jack himself into a demon that slaughtered all remaining humans in the organization and lost his memories in the process. He was eventually discovered and rescued by Slender, taken on as a second doctor. He views himself as a monster, containing feline ears, a tail, claws, teeth, and instincts, tormented by the glimpses of horrid memories he possesses and prefers to live alone.

Laughing Jack (Mentions of abuse):

Designed as a toy for Isaac by the Overworld, Jack was sent to him as a gift. Whoever possesses Jack's box has complete control over him and can command him at their will. This would have served no issue, had Jack not suffered an immediate glitch in his system after being received, becoming self-aware, however, he was unable to speak or move without commands from Isaac. Jack would grow traumatized, being forced to watch as Isaac was abused by his parents and unable to help him, left for years staring ahead and unable to move. Jack began to grow bitter and spiteful towards Isaac, for Isaac could do everything that Jack couldn't, could live however he wanted while Jack had to follow commands, and the more bitter he grew, the duller his once bright colors would become, now dull and washed out. Jack, unaware of the fact that his emotions were leaking into Isaac, ended up influencing Isaac to become as bitter and spiteful as himself. Isaac would begin to use Jack to kill animals, destroy houses, and set them ablaze to torment those he hated. It wasn't until Isaac brought home a girl and tried to assault her, ordering Jack to restrain her so he could that Jack finally snapped and gained control, denying Isaac's demands, although Isaac forced him into his box, and forced him to watch Isaac's crime, taunting him all the while. Isaac made the mistake of calling him back out, and Jack acted on impulse, torturing and murdering him, causing him to fall and truly become demonic, gaining claws and fanged teeth in the change, possessing darker magic. Eventually taken in my Slender, he now harbors a fear of children due to their cruelty and lack of empathy and views himself as a monster.

Jason:

Originally designed as a mechanical life-size toy for a magical toy shop in the Overworld powered by a music box "heart", Jason carried out his days as a caretaker and assistant in said shop. He was beloved by children and soaked up the attention like a sponge, however, envy is a hell of a drug. Eventually, the children would begin paying attention to newer models more than Jason, and he soon became ignored and forgotten. After becoming too self-aware, and too jealous, he suffered a system glitch and mutation. No longer the favored toy and beginning to become possessed by his jealousy, Jason snapped, slaughtering all those in the shop at the time and being cast into the Underworld. He now harbors a severe fear and distrust of people, especially children, and he fears everyone will take advantage of him and abandon him. He's built up a powerful facade for himself in the Underworld and garnered himself high standing, doing whatever he can to manipulate and keep the spotlight on himself so he can keep soaking up the attention.

Candy Pop:

In Candy's original lore, he fused with Night Terrors upon accidentally glancing into the mirror he was trapped in by Candy, but I take a different stance on this in my lore, saying Candy never trapped him in the first place. The other main difference, instead of Candy/Night slaughtering the rest of the Genyrs together, Night had come to slaughter them himself to absorb their souls. After witnessing all of his people having been killed, Candy in a last-ditch effort fused his soul with Night's, trapping them together and forcing them to share a body. This might be subject to fluctuation in the future as I don't have all of his lore completely meshed out, but this is a general idea. 

Hobo Heart:

Hobo's main lore could be followed by the OG for my blog if you wished, although I have one key difference in my own lore. In the original, it was C.C that ended up causing him to break free, but in my lore, it was someone else. Hobo, one night when wandering around, stumbled upon a nice old witch outside of her hut, unaffected by the aura he gave off, she was the first to ever show him kindness. She took him in where he had nowhere else to go and would help him in his tasks while teaching him things like simple spells as well. She was the one that eventually gave him the power to fight for what he truly wanted and to live his life, and upon her passing, he decided to take charge of his own fate, abandoning the tree he had served and choosing a life of his own, left only with the treasured necklace she always wore that she had left him. While traveling in the Underworld, he happened upon Slender's mansion, asking for employment, as the witch had actually informed him of "the tall man in the world of death", the one who would look out for him. Slender was happy to welcome him on as part of the crew.

Puppeteer:

Originally a boy with a normal life, he was cruising along and living the high life. For lore reasons I haven't completely fleshed out yet, he would go on to become haunted by a spirit. It began to slowly drive him insane, and he would do whatever he could to escape the spirit that kept tormenting him, leading him to end up committing suicide, however, that allowed the spirit to mesh into him, causing Puppeteer to become the poltergeist he is today, although no longer the cheerful, happy boy he was, and now the narcissistic and demanding person that the spirit possessing him used to be. While not a full possession, Pup still retains his memories from human life but finds it hard to let down his guard and allow his true self to come out. He ended up accepting a job offer from Slender as he had nothing else to do with his afterlife. 

Slender:

The oldest son of the Mann family, Slender has always had high expectations on his shoulders and was the most educated, forced to follow along in his father's footsteps. In an act of teenage rebellion, Slender decided to instead take after his mother and fulfill his own life in the meantime. He founded his own assassination company as a way to further spite his father, now competing with him for the better company, founding the mansion as a place to take in employees and help them to recover from their trauma, being especially drawn to wandering, lost souls. When the time comes and his mother steps down, he will take after her and become the head grim reaper in the Underworld, in charge of harvesting and guiding souls.

Trender:

The second oldest son in the Mann family, trender was always closest to his mother who works part-time as a model and has an affinity for fashion. He always accompanied her, making many acquaintances early on in life, devoting himself to becoming a fashion designer when he grows up, and he ended up succeeding. He is a renowned stylist, respected in both the Underworld and Overworld for his designs, and he's an extremely sought after designer. 

Offender:

The third born son, and the one that struggles the most. While all of his other brothers always had clear aspirations, praise, and attention placed on them by their parents, Offender often drifted around, unsure of what to do with himself. With a passion for entertaining people, he would go on to found the Underworld's most popular club and bar, although he finds it hard to feel fulfilled with this when his brothers have done so much for. He often puts himself down and wishes he could have done something better with his life.

Splendor:

The final born son, and the most surprising one. Extremely eager, bubbly, and friendly on the outside, Splendor has a dark and sinister side to himself, almost like a split personality (but not quite as it's still "him", it's just triggered by certain reactions), and he does his best to keep it hidden as he hates it and hates how it brings fear to people. Splendor travels the three worlds helping children in need and getting them the care and support that they need. 

Zalgo:

Zalgo was the only son and heir to the king and queen of the Underworld. He was never allowed friends or any source of entertainment and only had studying and work to occupy his time, harshly punished by his parents if he strayed from the path they made for him. He has a deep distrust of others due to the fact that many are eager to take advantage of him due to his status as the current king of the Underworld. He has a side company, an assassination one like Slender's that he uses to occupy himself and more diplomatically wipe out the scum of the Underworld. He has a deep affinity for plants, literature, and magic, and pursues them in his free time.