#i love them raw and grilled and roasted and fried

[ghostskarth]

literally hate hate HATE when people say “lol what’s the point of eating [vegetable] if you’re just gonna smother it in [butter/ranch/etc.]” like shut up!!!! food doesn’t have to be bland to be good for you

[agentstovring]

💛Smoshblr December Asks Day 15💙

What are your top 3 comfort foods? 🤗

And which 3 foods to you try to avoid at all costs? (aka how could Garrett completely ruin your day if you were on eioyi 🤢)

My criteria for comfort food are that it has to be easy/enjoyable to make; it has to serve your current appetite; and it has to be delicious. With that in mind, here are my top 3, in no order:

Roast pork with crackling, caramelized potatoes, and gravy - Does that sound super specific? It is. It's one of the most common Christmas Eve dinners for Danish people, and when my mom makes it, it's the very definition of comforting.

Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting - It's one of the few baked goods that I get right every time I bake it myself; and it's also what I order with my coffee at cafés, on the rare occasion that I don't get my drink to go.

Korean fried chicken - Serve with fluffy white rice and some grilled veggies, and I'm a happy camper. This dish taught me that I love gochujang, and it was the first of many favorite Korean dishes.

As for the second question, GARRETT DO NOT INTERACT:

Succade - Thankfully not very common anymore, but I've had it in bread rolls as a kid. I don't like calling non-spoiled food gross, but succade is an affront to humanity.

Raw onion - I have sensory issues with certain textures, and this is one of them; plus flavor-wise I prefer onions cooked.

Alcohol - Big category, I know; I stopped drinking 12+ years ago, and aside from red wine in a sauce, just the smell of anything alcoholic make me nauseous.

Thank you for asking!

[box-of-miracles]

Hello! What do the kwamis in this box eat?

Blytte: The souls of the innocent!

Zeddek: A bagel.

Blytte: No!

Zeddek: Two Bagels.

Blytte: fine. It's seaweed. Party pooper.

Coff: Grilled Cheese. Grill Me A Cheese.

Palmm: Save the Dates for me!

Florra: I'm actually a bit more plant than animal in this regard, I enjoy sunlight for photosynthesis and some nice soil.

Fllush: Greens, Greens, nothing but Greens! The healthier the better!

Surrplus: Fried Sea Anemone. When I have a holder anyway, when I'm free to roam I can just go in the ocean and eat them raw! Their anxiety adds flavor!

Everyone: ...

Surrplus: what?

Visccose: Anyway! I like Mulberry leaves, like any Silkworm!

Blytte: oh yeah? So if I showed you a picture of a closet full of fabric right now, what would you do?

Visccose: BITE!

Blytte: No! No Bite! Bad Visccose!

Visccose: Me Want Bite!!

Slyvver: Aaaand while they're busy chasing each other, I'll just say I love Lychee!

Volley: And I love Blue Corn! Even more than that I love blue popcorn, and generally roasted blue food.

Specc: Mimosa flowers are especially good! ...so are the cocktails.

Zeddek: Specc?!

Specc: I drink to forget, but I always remember.

Zedekk: Specc no!

[mochitoaster]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I'm not normal. First) thank you for putting so much effort into this fic It's so fucking cool and I adored every second of reading it. Celltw is such a messed up ship and you captured them perfectly.

MIKE AND PAC AND PAC AND MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mike cares so so so much even if he doesn't understand completely. All he knows is that Cellbit has hurt Pac and he's so angry about that. Tazercraft is such a duo and I loved seeing them in this chapter.

And Melissa!! She's awesome and I'm glad that she managed to help Pac.

“I think… I think I just wanted to help him. Or, well, maybe I was helping myself, too. I wanted something unique, something that only we could do, apart from everyone else. Or maybe I’m just crazy.” <- oeghaiofghasifg!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this I love this so much.

Mike being there to support Pac at the end <3 and him finally seeing Cellbit again! 'They’ll be okay, Pac thinks.' <- I love them both so much.

I was wondering what the meaning behind the chapter names was (if theres any at all) because I'm dumb and couldn't figure it out :D

Theres things I want to say about this fic but I don't know how to put into words and!!! Just know that this is fantastic and probably my favourite Celltw fic ever. Your writings perfect and every little detail you put in is just wonderful.

If you ever published Celltw again just know that I will be back and going insane over it and leaving asks in your mail. Hell, if you post any writing again I will probably come back. This fic was fantastic and i can't belive it's your first multi chaptered story. Your so skilled its incredible. This has permanently changed my brain chemistry I can never be normal again. Thank you for writing this.

Firstly, I want to thank you so much for these asks complimenting my writing. They’ve really inspired me to put even more effort into future fics I have planned, as well as potential original writing. I’ve never had such an incredible response to my writing before, it’s been amazing!

Secondly, the chapter names are all meat dishes/cuts of meat! The first and last chapters are specifically Brazilian/Portuguese, the others are more inspired by the contents of the chapter.

Picanha = a cut of beef popularized in Brazil

Sashimi = thin slices of raw meat or fish

Bulgogi = thin, marinated slices of meat that are grilled or stir-fried

Tartare = typically made of beef, it’s literally just raw ground meat

Alcatra = Portuguese pot roast/stew

Thirdly, I hope you know how amazing you are. You’re certainly not the only person that’s commented on this fic, but you’re by far the most enthusiastic! It’s really encouraging and makes me so so happy. I read this ask yesterday and was so stoked about it I couldn’t get my thoughts straight on how to answer it until today.

And don’t worry, I’m definitely writing more celltw ^_^!!! I love the ship very much!!

[kerlonmiracle]

Delicious recipes for dinner

The key to making a hearty dinner salad is making sure that you include plenty of protein, healthy fats, and fiber. The problem with most salads is that they’re not well composed, and you end up feeling hungry again just a short while after finishing your meal. Wild Mushroom Frittata with Cheddar, Green Onions, and PeasĪ large, filling salad is one of my go-to dinners, especially when I’m not feeling up to putting time into a meal.Cheesy Chicken Pepper Broccoli Frittata.Here are a few tasty and easy frittata recipes: Frittatas are super simple to make, and you can whip them up in under an hour. It’s a filling meal that you can enjoy at any time of the day or night. I like to serve frittata with some sliced avocado or fresh fruit. You can even use leftovers like salmon, shredded chicken, and potatoes in your frittata. You can also add in ingredients like cheese, herbs, spices, or pesto to give your frittata extra flavor. Some of my favorite vegetables to use in frittatas include asparagus, spinach, sweet potatoes, zucchini, onions, broccoli florets, mushrooms, and tomatoes. We regularly use eggs as the protein source for quick and tasty dinners, including frittatas.Įggs have you covered when it comes to healthy fat and protein, so all you need to do is add a variety of your favorite veggies to cover your fiber needs. When you have chickens like I do, eggs make their way into more than just breakfast meals. Salmon Grain Bowls with Lemon Tahini Sauce.Here are a few more grain bowl recipes that make a perfect dinner option for nights when you’re short on time: Then top it with a store-bought or homemade dressing, or keep it simple with a drizzle of olive oil and lemon juice.įor example, this Green Goddess Buddha Bowl uses an irresistible combination of brown rice, roasted broccoli, sugar snap peas, avocado, hard-boiled eggs, toasted pumpkin seeds, and a creamy yogurt-based sauce. To prepare a grain bowl, top a serving of cooked grains with cooked or raw veggies and a protein source like chicken, fried or hard-boiled eggs, grilled shrimp, or salmon. Studies have found that diets rich in grains are linked to a lower risk of several health conditions, including colon cancer, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes ( 2). Grains provide an important source of fiber and other nutrients like magnesium. However, you can use any grain you want for grain bowls, including farro, millet, and barley. I follow a gluten-free diet, so we use gluten-free grains like quinoa and brown rice. My husband and I love how simple and adaptable grain bowls are and frequently prepare this dinner when we’re craving a flavorful yet easy-to-prepare meal.

[bogleech]

I’m a grown adult and I’ve eaten vegetables all my life so why are they still not appetizing to me? I’ve had them every “good” way imaginable, grilled and fried and roasted in every kind of seasoning, I still make myself eat a few every single day but they have still never become something I crave or get a hankering for, or would ever choose to eat for any reason other than health.

I think it’s just texture. No cooking method ever completely gets rid of their nasty “fibrous” quality. If they melted in your mouth like starches and fats do I’d probably crave them. It’s technically a fruit but the only one I can say I love is buttered eggplant. *Nah both crunchy-raw and pureed are even worse to me. I have definitely tried them in every physical state they can be in :(

[gemsofgreece]

Bad Boys of the Greek Cuisine

Everyone’s taste is different but the Greek Cuisine is generally acknowledged as a very tasty cuisine with both European and Middle Eastern influences. Not only that but it is considered one of the healthiest diets in the world with one of its branches, the Cretan diet, taking the first place the last time I checked. The secret of this cuisine’s success lies on the use of top quality and very fresh products and not so much on the use of many or unusual ingredients. However, that’s not to say that the Greek cuisine does not come with its fair share of extreme dishes. Here are some of them: Πατσάς - Patsás Patsas is a tripe soup / stew aka a stew made of stomach. It looks innocent and it is usually eaten as a comfort food but the cooking process smells like the name sounds... In Greece, there are shops called Patsatzídika that stay open until way past midnight and offer exclusively this dish and they are preferred after a lot of alcohol consumption. I had to remove the picture because I had eleven in this post and Tumblr sucks. I removed Patsas because it is the most normal looking one. Χοχλιοί μπουμπουριστοί - Hochlií buburistí Probably the Greek dish with the hardest name, at least for me. It is a traditional dish of Crete island but you can enjoy it all around Greece, provided that you are eager to eat... snails.

Κοκορέτσι - Kokoretsi Kokoretsi is a roasted dish made of animal intestines, livers and lungs served in slices. While this name does not originate from the Greek language, the dish was already loved by the Byzantine Greeks who called it “Chordae” meaning cords. The dish is hard to be prepared as it is necessary that the intestines are very carefully cleaned with tools such as pencils and knitting needles. In Greece it is often served at Easter.

Σπληνάντερο - Splinándero It is what its name means: Spleen and Large Bowel. Plus heart. From old sheep and goats. Also served at Easter because apparently Greeks go feral during Easter.

Μαγειρίτσα - Mayiritsa Another Easter classic, served during the Holy Saturday, Mayiritsa is a liver and heart soup. It’s certainly not for the faint of... nose such as me who I had to leave the house as my mum was cooking it. This is why recently a new type of Mayiritsa is trending, which replaces the organs with mushrooms and it is ideal for vegetarians and people with a sensitive nose. Nevertheless, most people love traditional Mayiritsa. Once I found an ice cream shop in Thessaloniki serving a mayiritsa flavour. What the heck.

By they way we have like another gazillion intestine dishes for some unknown reason but I will skip them to make this post more varied. Αχινοί - Raw Urchins This is a delicacy to several sea cuisines around the world. Greece is one of them. Recipe: go to a beach with clear waters, look for an urchin, hold it carefully, cut the living urchin in half with a knife and pour fresh lemon juice on it. That's it, that's the recipe.

Χταπόδι - Octopus This is by no means an extreme food in Greece but I include it here because I was surprised to find out it is nowhere as common in most countries and people often have a strong reaction to it. Well, in Greece we only have a reaction of fierce love for it. Octopus is used in several Greek dishes but the most iconic is probably grilled octopus marinated in vinegar often served with Greek sauerkraut salad. Seafood restaurants often hang fresh fished octopuses outside their shops and let them dry in the sun. It is a classic image of Greece and a sign the restaurant offers very fresh products. It was literally grabbed from the sea and flung to your face, top that level of freshness if you can.

Σπινιάλο - Spinialo Spinialo is a traditional seafood dish originating from the island of Kalymnos. The dish consists of fouskes, sea squirts that are marinated in a bottle of seawater. These primitive marine vertebrates usually attach themselves to shells and rocks, and when cut in half, fouskes reveal a soft flesh with a strong and bitter flavor and a texture that's similar to scrambled eggs.

Αρνί στη σούβλα - Skewered lamb If you are in anyway familiar with Greece, you probably know what the main event of our Easter feasts is. Roasting a whole skewered lamb. I imagine people freaking out at that. But, hey, it's a huge part of our tradition. And don't mind me saying, it bloody tastes insane. It's funny that in 27 years of life, now that I'm typing this in English, it is the first time it occurs to me that some people could potentially find this weird.

Πεσκανδρίτσα - Angler fish This hideous fish is eaten in two ways. Its...uhm... head is a common ingredient of Greek fish soups. I am personally not that much into soups or fish but let me tell you and sign this as well: this unassuming fellow has the most delicious tail. Its tail is called Μπρασκοουρά (Braskourá) and is heaven when fried. Don't look at it, just read my words and trust them.

Κεφαλάκι σούπα - Head soup The name sounds too generic but at least it is only about (poor) goats and sheep. This dish is getting a little too extreme for young Greeks but in my parents' generation, parents would chase the children to eat the eyes because that supposedly made you clever. The tongue was enjoyed too. Anyway, I'll spare you of a graphic image.

I am loth to end this fantastic post but the new BETA mode I am on forbids more than 10 pictures (that’s the actual reason I did not add a head soup picture and not that I am kind-hearted) so I'm gonna end this with the weirdest type of meat we eat. Like I said above, some things here might look a bit much, but when it comes to the types of meat Greeks eat, we really don't like taking the uncommon path. Greek cuisine is more mellow than extreme. Ironically, Greeks eat meats well done or medium at most because they are squeamish at the idea of eating bloody or remotely raw meat. So they eat a load of bowels and heads that stare at your soul but at least they are cooked for, like, 6 hours, you know, to ensure they are absolutely dead. Greeks typically devour eat farm animals, poultry, boars and a few commonly hunted birds, almost all fish and seafood. They also eat rabbits and hares (would that be considered uncommon? IDK) but that's where it ends. For instance, deer can be found in Greek supermarkets but nobody wants to eat such a gorgeous being and if you eat horse intentionally, you might as well get kicked out of the country (exaggeration but still). So, farm mammals, a few birds, fish and seafood. And snails. That's all. Oh! And- Βατραχοπόδαρα - Frog legs Frog legs is a traditional delicacy of the mountainous lakeside city of Ioannina. It is the only region of Greece where frogs are eaten. It is a tasty looking dish and those who have tried it say it actually tastes a lot like chicken. Actually sign me up for this. I mean, look at that. Why the hell not?

Now I wonder how many people decided to all of a sudden not travel to Greece and how many decided to come just now. And I wonder what that nice Anon who complimented my delicious food posts thinks now. But remember, Greek cuisine might have some bad boys but it also has many good good gooooood ones.

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

the companions cooking (or trying to cook) for sole? :)

Here you go! 🥰 Sorry I took so long to reply! I was trying to picture exactly how each of the companions would cook 💙💛

Cait - Can mostly competently make one thing-- mirelurk steak. It's pretty good (if you're not listening to Piper complain constantly about how nasty mirelurk meat is no matter who it's made by) and Cait actually manages to get the right combo of spices. F!Sole makes sure to very warmly compliment the woman regardless of whether F!Sole is a fan of the meat or not. Cait just shrugs it off, but the small smile that stays on her face for the rest of the day is pretty telling of just how much the comment meant to her.

Piper - Is able to cook some pretty simple things. She can cook fried molerat (she hasn't done that since she was much younger when times were hard), scrambled eggs (don't ask where she got the eggs from), and she can make a Brahmin roast. When she gives the food to F!Sole, she is pretty excited in that Piper-esque manner, and she starts eating her own food while flashing glances in F!Sole's direction to see if she is enjoying it. When F!Sole compliments her on how good the food tastes, Piper puffs up a little with pride, a sparkle in her eye as she just sort of self-deprecatingly laughs it off and explains that she learned pretty much everything she knew from her dad.

Curie - Can serve a mean bowl of Sugar Bombs. When she tries to cook anything else for F!Sole, it usually ends up terribly and awfully burnt. However, from the time that F!Sole is served to the time that F!Sole declares she is full, Curie is staring at her with all of that adorable hope and happiness in her eyes along with a giant grin to go with it. Therefore, F!Sole always has to fake a giant grin and pretend like it is the greatest delicacy in the world as a tastebud dies with every bite.

MacCready - Very oddly, he can make quite a few dishes relating to different fruits and vegetables. This can most likely be attributed to the fact that he lived on a farm for a time and had to know how to cook the things he reaped from the garden. When F!Sole tries it, she asks him how he made it and wants to know everything about the process so that she can work on replicating this tasty dish herself. He explains everything and with every second that passes and every appreciative hum she makes as she is eating the food, his head gets bigger with his growing ego.

Deacon - Cracks open a can of Cram and hopes for the best. When F!Sole jokingly asks him how he managed to cook something that tastes and looks just like Cram, he tells her that a magician never reveals his secrets. He also tells her that he very much appreciates her thinking that he cooks as well as pre-war manufacturers.

Codsworth - Can cook almost anything F!Sole could want. Most of his knowledge is pertinent to pre-war times, but he can relate most of it to current food resources. When Codsworth is cooking, F!Sole is very excited to eat, and is sure to compliment him profusely about his fine cuisine. This, of course, boosts his spirits significantly and he thanks her as many times as she compliments him.

Hancock - Goes and gets some wine (or purified water if F!Sole is not a drinker) from the Third Rail and then cooks the only dish he knows how to make-- mutant hound chops. When they dig in, she realizes that it is truly quite good and even better than what she usually makes out of the animals. She asks if he could show her how he does it, and he happily agrees. He is very pleased with himself for making something that is somehow even better than what she makes.

Danse - Does not really know how to cook since he carries quite a large stock of canned food supplies with him everywhere he goes in case of emergency. However, if F!Sole is expecting a meal, he will do the best he can to deliver. He usually ends up burning whatever it is, or making it extremely inedible somehow or another, but he tries. She tells him how much she appreciates his attempt, and they usually just enjoy some canned goods. He is thankful for the fact that she appreciated his effort, but he also feels somewhat regretful that he could not cook anything more fresh for her.

Preston - Makes some seriously good grilled radstag, and of course, this is the dish that he chooses to prepare for F!Sole. When she puts it in her mouth, she is stunned and almost speechless as she eats it happily and compliments him repeatedly. She ends up asking for the recipe and he gladly gives it to her, quite flattered that she likes it so much.

Valentine - Is strangely quite the cook. Of course, something about being alive for many years gives one time to learn quite a few recipes. He can make most things available in the Wasteland, and when F!Sole eats the food he makes, she is pleasantly surprised, and tells him how amazingly he made it. This brings a smile to his face, and he feels a warmth spreading through his chest as he takes in the compliment and holds it dear to his heart.

X6-88 - (Assuming Pre-Institute destruction if you took that route) Teleports to the Institute, gets some food from the cafeteria, and then teleports back in time to put everything on plates and make it look like he actually cooked it before she comes in. She compliments him multiple times on a job well done, but after a little while, she begins to grow a bit suspicious. She never outright asks him if the meal was legitimately his own work, and he never outright tells her the truth.

Dogmeat - Brings her bones to chew on. After all, he loves them, so she probably will, too. She always takes them and thanks him with a big pet and lots of sweet words. When he gets distracted and leaves her alone for a little while, she carefully throws it somewhere at the outskirts of Sanctuary so he won't see that she didn't eat it.

Strong - Just hands her raw meat and expects her to eat it. He has no problem eating raw meat, and little humans are puny because they cook, so he takes the liberty of toughening her up a little. Maybe she can be almost as strong as super mutants.

[abiteofnat]

If you’re reading this, I’m coming back to Chicago, beetch

The non-existent rumors are true. After a brief 10-month exit from the city to soak up the fresh air and social distance-friendly suburbs, I am now returning to Chicago as a single, slightly more anxious version of myself. While I’m still trying to kick some of the anxiety and OCD that COVID-19 pushed from “lifelong tagalongs” to “all-controlling demons”, I feel 97% ready to be back where I feel most myself, and cannot wait to welcome that change. While that 3% still makes me a little uncomfy and hesitant, I’m a believer in pushing your boundaries to allow yourself to grow, and also, I am really sick of suburbs food. 

Ha! I joke. I wouldn’t move downtown simply for access to more diverse & higher quality food... or would I? All I know is while there are plenty of gems in the North Shore, I’ve eaten take out from all of them ten times over, and I did not foster my dislike of cooking out of nowhere. My parents do not enjoy cooking, my sister pretends to enjoy cooking, and I will cook if it is 5 ingredients or less. My latest speciality is a toasted bagel with butter, hummus, and EBTB seasoning. Voila. So when it comes to dinner, we are living off of a carousel of suburban favorites, and are losing steam as we are still not comfortable with dining inside (or dining inside in the city, where the fun food is). 

All of this to say, it’s exciting to imagine what life is going to be like in a few short weeks. While I’m still extra precautionary, I can’t wait to have my own space downtown, where I can enjoy coffee on my little balcony (!!!) and dream of the days friends can come squeeze into my studio safely while I lay out an entire table of sharable spreads and snacks from Ema (Charred Eggplant Spread is the best one, don’t fight me). 

So you may ask, how did you come to this decision to move to the heart of downtown out of seemingly nowhere, you hermit? 

It starts with my mom and I having a brief, simultaneous breakdown and coming to the conclusion that we would both feel comfortable doing a staycation downtown, as long as we wore masks, sanitized always, and braved the cold to eat outside. This was big for me! As a person with real OCD, not cute TV show “I have to keep my pens straight” OCD, this would be the most exposure I’d had to a lot of uncontrollable variables since the pandemic started. If you’re thinking, “you get to spend a weekend downtown in a hotel with your mom, shut up”, know that I hear you. I am unbelievably grateful that I’ve gotten this time with my parents, and that we can do a staycation. However, having anxiety comes at a cost, and that cost is blowing everything way the fuck out of proportion instead of being able to rationalize it sometimes. Let’s! Normalize! Having! This! Discussion!

So, we went downtown in early March for a two-night stay, and oh my goodness. The realization that we got to be in a different space, and do different things, and eat different food for a weekend made it feel like a legit vacation, and not like we drove 30 minutes to get there. The view from our room was of Michigan Ave, and hearing the traffic and seeing the people out and about instantly made me feel a sense of peace I wasn’t expecting. I’ve lived downtown for 6 years, but it always shocks me how much the city feels like an extension of me once I’m in it after being away. My mom and I went out for a walk (gentle yet forceful reminder to please wear a mask), then decided to grab dinner while we were out. The plan was to bring it back to the room, but there was a warm spell, and there just happened to be a table for two at Topolobampo on Clark, and suddenly we were sitting on the patio under the lights eating masa quesadillas dipped in a spicy salsa verde. It just happened!!! 

Before getting downtown, I was tentatively looking at apartments for the spring. I was looking at Lincoln Park, Old Town, maybe Lakeview, and came across a listing in the Gold Cost that caught my eye. That one was swiped out from under me within days, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the area. Then I discovered another unit that was available, and couldn’t shake it from my mind. Over mushroom tacos I discussed it with my mom, and we decided to go see it. Totally not what I had been planning for in terms of location, but why not? 

Once we polished off breakfast the next morning (Eggs Benedict with fried eggs, extra hollandaise) we headed out to see the place. Let me say I have never seen my mom fall in love with a single apartment I’ve lived in, and she was ALL. FOR. IT. Unreal reaction on her part. Once I saw the west-facing views and the incredible natural lighting, I was 100% in as well.

We spent the rest of the weekend wandering the downtown area, enjoying another dinner outside at The Gwen and my mom’s first visit to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, which was 95% more empty than I’ve ever seen it given we went in a pandemic at 8:30PM. Shit on Starbucks all you want, but that Roastery is an incredible use of space (in non-pandemic times) and the coffee & Princi pastries are really, really good. 

When we got back home feeling refreshed and like we had actually gone on a vacation, I jumped into apartment shark mode real fast and signed as many documents as the very kind realtor could send over. One week later, whabaam, I was a Gold Coast girl. Ahem, *lady*. What better way to celebrate than going to Somerset and having the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread and Wild Mushroom Risotto? No clue. As I sat outside, yet again with my mom, I felt a wave of excitement come over me and realized, this is it. This is the sign and feeling I’ve been waiting for, telling me it’s time to move back to the city and start over. The creamy, herbacious risotto also helped solidify that. 

SO. After all of that, the news is I’m moving, and you’re probably wondering why I shared all of this on a blog about food. I meant for this post to be about everywhere I ate during my staycation, but realized quickly we ate at some very basic places - DELICIOUS, but still basic. Oops. Below are all the dishes I had and a rundown of the flavors, textures, etc., however don’t expect to find any new, revolutionary restaurants. Sorry! 

1. Topolobampo 

This Rick Bayless restaurant has been around forever, and unfortunately, you can tell by the interior. We’ve eaten here as a family a couple of times before, but never had a noteworthy experience. I can confirm that in a pinch, the patio covered in fun lights & mini piñatas, and the sharable, filling bites will do just fine. This was my first time going to a Mexican restaurant as a non-alcohol drinker, and instead of my typical mezcal margarita, I opted for a Fresh Limeaide which was refreshing and flavorful. We split the Guacamole and Chips, which if you’ve ever stopped at the Frontera in O’Hare, you know is good as fuck. It’s smooth, creamy, tangy, and topped with chopped onions and cilantro for a little crunch. It’s not the most life-changing, but it is consistently satisfying. Next, we got the Mushroom Tacos and Masa Quesadillas. The Masa Quesadillas were a fun surprise, as instead of a tortilla, the masa is what makes up the outside. They are almost like empanadas and stuffed with gooey, melty cheese, and come with a spicy salsa verde on the side. I would come back for these alone - they’re rich yet light, warm, and comforting, all the things you would want when dining outside when it’s still a little chilly. The Mushroom Tacos were quite frankly unreal, because whatever they seasoned the mushroom slices with and grilled them on made them taste unlike any mushroom I’ve had before. There was definitely some meat crossover on the grill, so don’t order those if you’re vegan, or ask them to prepare the mushroom separately. I however was LOSING MY MIND. Over mushrooms. The joys of being vegetarian! 

2. The Gwen

On a happening Saturday night in Chicago, Upstairs at The Gwen is sure to be a packed scene. Located in River North, this hotel bar/restaurant offers a somehow cozy rooftop filled with loungey couches, fire pits, and ambient lighting, even though you’re surrounded by apartments and skyscrapers and there is nothing “cozy” about River North. Every table was filled, yet since you’re outside and it’s fairy spread apart, it still felt safe. I got my new classic, a Lemonade, and we got the Burrata to start. With sourdough, roasted beets, squash, pomegranate, pistachio, & arugula, this plate was nothing short of mouth-watering. It has textures! It has flavors! It has pomegranate seeds, the TikTok must have of the moment! The bread was 10/10, the burrata was 8/10, and all of the toppings made for a very find bite of salad on their own. For my main I got the Lobster Fettucine, a beautiful bowl of “charcoal fettuccine with saffron-tomato sauce, lobster, calabrian chili butter, and basil-brioche crumbs” as listed on their website. Take any of those ingredients and it’s going to be delicious, but all of them TOGETHER? INCREDIBLE. The chunks of lobster were huge, absolutely making the dish worth its price tag, and the sauce was flavorful, unique, and unlike any sauce I’ve tasted in the last few years. It’s typical to do a squid ink pasta with seafood and tomato sauce, but the saffron added a new element I very much appreciated. 

3. The Starbucks Roastery 

I KNOW. THIS IS A TOURIST DESTINATION. All I am saying is if there’s no line, go get an iced latte with two packets of sugar in the raw. That’s all. It’s really good after something like, I don’t know, Lobster Fettucine. 

4. The Penninsula 

You cannot go wrong with hitting up The Penninsula for breakfast or brunch, especially if you are staying there and have the option to do room service. Typically we would go to Pierrot Gourmet, the cafe in the ground floor of The Penninsula, however it has been closed temporarily. If there’s one thing to order with your breakfast, it’s the smashed fingerling potatoes. Delish. 

5. Somerset 

Somerset is becoming a quick go-to of mine for an impromptu dinner downtown, given it’s in the heart of Gold Coast and is cute if you’re sitting indoors or outdoors. The food is nothing too innovative, but it is done well, which is the most important part with “cuter” restaurants that may focus on the Instagram appeal over the food sometimes. Each time I’ve gone I’ve gotten the seasonal flatbread and a pasta or risotto, usually something with mushrooms, and it’s always been plate-licking good. To drink, I got -you guessed it- a Lemonade! For dinner I went with the Wild Mushroom Risotto which was everything you could hope for in a risotto, topped with olive oil, herbs, and local parmesan. We split the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread which was as it sounds, flatbread covered in rapini, garlic, and ricotta, which added a nice crunch and had enough rapini to feel like it was replacing a boring vegetable side dish or salad. The patio vibes were wonderful, the judgemental girls in the greenhouses looked like they were having a good time, and our waiter couldn’t have been sweeter. I will be going back to try the Fontina Arancini, which I just noticed on the menu. FRICK. 

So there you have it, a very long-winded explanation of the last few weeks of my life and where you can find me on a staycation in Chicago. Hopefully once I move back to the city I’ll have endless new spots to try and won’t be basic anymore! 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie 

[tastesoftamriel]

What's the first dish from each of the races of Tamriel that you would recommend to an outsider?

For newbies to dining outside your Province, there are plenty of "beginner" dishes that aren't too weird, exotic, or otherwise alarming. These are some of my favourite dishes that are both satisfying and great introductions to Tamrielic cuisine.

Altmer

Food in the Summerset Isles is famed for being perfectly balanced, and as such is bound to have something to please a beginner's palate. I would definitely recommend a seafood bowl with brown rice, seaweed salad, spicy wasabi root paste, pickled plums, and an assortment of raw fish and caviar. Now, I know that raw fish is a bit of a stretch for the less adventurous eaters, but I insist that the only way forward is by pushing yourself. Besides, you've got to start somewhere!

Argonians

I'm going to be a little kinder with Argonian cuisine because there is a lot of weird stuff in Black Marsh that makes even I rather squeamish. A bowl of cold buckwheat noodles with fish sauce, roast chicken, and watercress is a delicious entryway to Argonian cooking, and is wonderfully refreshing too!

Bosmer

If you like meat and you like cheese, you're halfway set for dining in Valenwood. Why not try a timber mammoth steak with a fragrant local blue cheese sauce, spiced up with smoked bone marrow and fresh cream? It's very Green Pact compliant, and an easy way to get started on your Bosmeri culinary adventure.

Bretons

Yes, the Bretons are known for eating some slightly bizarre foods like snails and force-fed goose livers, but today's recommended dish is a little less over-the-top. I really love a traditional charcuterie board with an assortment of High Rock's best, from aged parmesan with water crackers to cured ham, sausages, roasted vegetables with garden herbs, and little quiches. It's a great way to taste the Province and prepare you for more!

Dunmer

I'll be blunt: you cannot experience true Dunmeri culinary greatness if you refuse to eat bugs. Now, assuming that you assent to that, let me tell you all about the goodness of nix-hound gratin. Tasty nix-hound meat, which is somewhat akin to a cross between pigeon and turkey, is marinated overnight in a blend of herbs and spices, and baked under a blanket of combwort breadcrumbs, scuttle, and crispy hackle-lo bits. There, that doesn't sound too bad does it?

Imperials

Aside from the odd weird dish like drunken dormice, Imperial food is, like the Altmer, well-balanced and generally pleasant. I would suggest ravioli stuffed with chevre, spinach and pine nuts, and cooked in a brown butter sauce. Oh so simple yet so good, and a great introduction to the versatile types of pasta found in Cyrodiil!

Khajiit

If you're not quite ready for moon sugar, that's alright! A traditional Elsweyr-style griddle bread is a great way to get to know Khajiiti cuisine without the side effects. Griddle bread is a flat cornbread cooked on a griddle, and stuffed with fillings of your choice, both sweet and savoury. I enjoy mine with spicy barbecued pork, rhubarb salsa, and roast corn, but other fillings include mushrooms, ham or chicken, sardines, fried egg, and pickled vegetables.

Nords

If you hear a Nord gushing over rabbit meatballs, it's probably for good reason (unless they make them too dry). The best part is that there isn't really a right or wrong way to enjoy them! We love our meatballs with creamy gravy, snowberry jam and potatoes, or in stews, or shoved into pies...you get the idea. In other words, try the rabbit meatballs and a tankard of mead if you want to try Nord cuisine. You'll not find anything more authentic or inoffensive.

Orcs

Orcish food is generally quite mild on the palate, and has a few staple ingredients that every race uses, like potatoes, leeks, radishes, and a lot of meat. A traditional venison stew with juniper and wrathberries is usually loaded with radishes and other root vegetables, and is served with fresh bread and fried offal patties. Simple, hearty, and delicious!

Redguards

Not everybody is enthusiastic enough to try camel for their first Redguard meal, so I'm going to go with a mild pulled goat curry. When I say curry, I don't mean "scorch your eyebrows off and feel sick for days" spicy (although that's definitely an option if you're game). The goat meat is first roasted over a charcoal grill, then stewed in a creamy tomato-based sauce with lentils, herbs, and exotic spices. Finished with chopped dates and almonds, this dish features all the flavours of the Alik'r without being too overwhelming.

[heeatshere]

What are you eating tonight?

Friday night Pizza and wings!

Have you ever had a taste for game night food but wanted something healthier, not processed and not dripping in oil?!  Your homemade pizza can be made in under 30 minutes! It’s all about prep. 1 bag (2.2kg) of the ANNA Napoletana TIPO ‘00′ dough. When I make the entire bag, it yields 10 Med /small thin crust pizzas for us to munch on during the week. Now, you can make pizza dough and eat the pizza that same night, but I have also made the dough in advance and then bag it and store it in the fridge for the week. 

When I make the pizza dough and plan to make pizzas that same day, I like to speed up the process by using water that’s been warmed slightly in the kettle. I divide the dough into 10 separate dough balls and place them in Ziploc bags (I make sure to rub a little olive oil inside the bag so that the dough comes out easily when I’m ready to use the dough. You can also refrigerate and freeze dough- this is why it’s the ultimate game food. Take it out ahead of time so that it can reach room temperature, add your toppings and you’re ready to toss it in the oven.

My BBQ chicken pizza- a go to!

My supreme pizza with herbed crust!

mini supreme pizzas with herbed dough.

my Greek pizza- nice experiment and very tasty!

marinated chicken breasts with pineapple bacon chicken sausage along with caramelized onions! This is a new favorite along with the BBQ chicken pizza!

Toppings

I also prep the toppings in advance. For instance, when I know we plan to eat pizza during the week I go back to a few bags of the marinated breast, slice/ grate mozzarella, dice an onion, mushrooms, pepperoncini, and olives. Just pull everything out when you’re ready to prepare the pizzas. Onions are a must, I prefer caramelized onions which are easy to prepare, but the raw diced and sliced onion are definitely appropriate depending on the type of pizzas you intend to make. I love purchasing the Hormel Turkey pepperoni in bulk from BJs along with the block of mozzarella cheese to slice and grate myself. Want to add more protein? consider adding some of those marinated chicken breasts I use as a go to from the Grill Mates line by McCormick.  

Pesto is a must have for flavor. I use organic pizza sauce when I’m not pureeing my own tomatoes and herbs for sauce. 

marinated chicken breasts- for additional flavor!

I also like the King Arthur dough ‘00’ pizza dough. 

Homemade pizza goes well with a salad but also chicken wings!!! I love air fryer wings whether they’re “fried” or wings that have been marinated in advance to bake in the oven. The air fryer will crisp wings in less time than an oven and they’re very similar to oil- fried wings. I’ve had my Bella air fryer now for almost 2 years (will post photos of air fryer chicken once I locate them...so many photos to skim through- note to self: organize photos into folders).

This air fryer model is a Bella Pro Series 6qt digital Sir Fryer. I was a little intimidated initially, but there are so many pre-programmed settings it’s difficult to make a mistake. Eventually I made my way to Amazon and purchased a ton of accessories for the fryer and haven’t looked back since. Stay tuned for the apple pies, biscuits, steak and waffle fries, roasted potatoes, apple chips, bacon, roasted broccoli, and eggs I’ve prepared using the air fryer.

[mk-wizard]

Transformers Cuisine and Favourite Foods

Hello, fans and those who love to cook. This is a fun post as today I will be discussing something that combines two of my favourite things: Transformers and food! Specifically, Transformers and their favourite foods. Note they range from being from Earth to being from Cybertron of a fusion of the two. Second note is that I will only be including Cybertronian foods that have stood the test of time and have remained in the lore. Not one offs, retcons or fanon things. Anyway, onto the list of foods Transformers love;

Energon - It is their main source of fuel, so they have fun with it. It is as versatile as tofu is to humans and they tend to shape it as they want. For the most part, energon is healthy, but the after effect can sometimes not be so great. When energon is combusted, its fumes are a dreadful pollutant so if a Transformer overconsumes, they can become very gassy in which they are no different from a cow exerting methane. Not the classiest image, but it’s the reality of depending on energon. It can even be liquified to be like a carbonated drink, water or even tea.

Oil - It is basically the alcohol of the Transformer world and is actually less powerful of a pollutant than energon is. It has no nutritional value, but like alcohol, it can make a bot tipsy with the tendency to burp a lot as we saw from the Animated Constructicons. Depending on its type and properties, it can range from being like fine wine to being like an everyman’s beer.

Energon Goodies - This is a special refined energon which is extremely sweet and used for desserts only. Like the usual energon, it can be reshaped in order to resemble other foods though in this case, desserts and snacks only. The most common form is that of a cookie, a candy bar or cake. Recently, making them into doughnuts and cupcakes has caught on thanks to Earth. Energon goodies also tend to be flavoured in the way appropriate to their form though their flavours are not Earth ones. Silver tends to be the vanilla of the Cybertron world, chrome is treated a lot like chocolate and mercury is a lot like lemon. In the lore, Optimus Prime adores chrome cake.

Carbon - It is the “meat” of the Cybertronian world and it is most often used to make Transformers equivalent of human foods like burgers, hotdogs, steak and even a roast turkey. It is not actually necessary in their diet though. Eating too much of it can result in health problems like obesity and engine troubles. Hey, they’re living things so they can gain weight.

Minerals - These are all other minerals in the periodic table namely the metal ones which are the “vegetables and grain” of the Cybertronian world. They are used to make salads, pasta, soup, bread, cereal and even milk though it is more like a soy milk. This actually is necessary in their diet and is considered as healthy when steamed, baked, grilled or eaten raw. Of course, it is not so healthy when deep fried. Over the years, it too was made to resemble things like burgers and such to give healthier electric options to Transformers. A Transformers is considered as “electric” when do not fuel up on carbon or oil which in many ways is the Transformers version of being vegetarian because those things are fossil fuels implying that they were made from living things at one time. Considering that Transformers can live for millions of years and have stated that they aren’t comfortable eating something that was once alive, it is very believable that they would not feel at ease eating carbon or oil. Though some do it solely for health reasons. It is often theorized that Animated Prowl was electric and so was Boulder from Rescue Bots and Knockout from Prime.

JaAm - It liquified energon goodie which has the texture and properties of jam. Hotshot is famous for loving this stuff and eating it with everything.

Coffee - We all know this stuff is from Earth, but it caught on with Transformers too. They can actually eat certain foods as their digestive system is literally a furnace so coffee wouldn’t harm them though I imagine the caffeine is addictive and keeps them up.

Sugar - Another favourite native to Earth though it tends to be hit or miss. Transformers either love it or hate it, and they eat it straight up. Optimus Prime in particular adores sugar a lot. Maybe a bit too much.

Metal Objects - This may seem funny to us, but to Transformers, minerals especially metals are food so to them, our metal household items are food in the form of things. Though doing this is not recommended as stuff like rubber, plastic and glass have been known to not agree to with Transformers as it either makes them constipated or (ahem) have the opposite result.

[404-not-found-xix]

Top 5... Foods! Movies! Albums! Quotes!

Foods:

1. Key lime pie

- I am on a personal journey to find the best key lime out there! Sweet, tart, silky, crunch, savoury~~

2. Fish

- Raw, fried, roasted, marinated, baked, or grilled? Done properly, I am over the moon for this.

3. Flourless chocolate cake

- The Czar of all chocolate cakes!

4. Dim sum

- a whole, magical, delicious experience that is 20/10. Shrimp and soup dumplings are my favorites.

5. Coffee.

Movies:

1. Nausicaä Valley of the Wind- A movie to feed your soul. I say no more. 

2. V for Vendetta

3. The Prestige

4.  X2: X-Men United

4. Sailor Moon R: The Movie

- I will cry every time I was this movie, in happiness and sadness, and I absolutely LOVE it. I felt incredibly scene and loved from this movie.

Albums: [I’m actually an old man born in his 60′s. So, a Boomer lol

1. America: Hat Trick [ 1973 ] 

- Top Song: Muskrat Love

2. Buffalo Springfield: Again [ 1967 ] 

- Top Song: Mr. Soul

3. Neil Young: On The Beach [ 1974 ] 

- Top Song: Walk On

4. Joni Mitchell- Blue [ 1971 ] 

- Top Song: California

5. Bee Gees: Main Course [ 1975 ] 

Top Song: Nights on Broadway

[ I’m not one for quotes but I gave it a decent shot. The last two have nice quotes in them, but I read them a long time ago ] 

Quotes:

1. Amanda Gorman’s The Hill We Climb

- So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left, with every breath from my bronze, pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one, we will rise from the golden hills of the West, we will rise from the windswept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution, we will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states, we will rise from the sunbaked South, we will rebuild, reconcile, and recover in every known nook of our nation in every corner called our country our people diverse and beautiful will emerge battered and beautiful, when the day comes we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid, the new dawn blooms as we free it, for there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.

2. The Great Gatsby

- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

3. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

- “Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.”

4. Wicked

5. Black Beauty

[faeratil]

Thoughts on tomatoes

Tomatoes are amazing. It surprises me that there are people who don’t like them, like my ex wife. We all know potatoes are versatile, but do you ever think about how many different ways you can serve tomatoes?

Tomato soup

Chili

Salsa

Raw with some salt and pepper

Pasta sauce

Pizza sauce

Roasted/flame grilled

Kebab

Taco/pizza/burger topping

Sun-dried (although sometimes those are a little too sweet)

Infused into tortillas/wraps

Enchilada sauce

Most dark broth soups

Queso dip

Cherry/grape tomatoes on a salad (although I personally think chopped tomatoes taste better than these)

Fried green tomatoes

The “T” in BLT

Ketchup

Those are just the ones I could think of, but like how can we not love tomatoes?

I want to go make a grilled cheese and dip it in some tomato soup now even though it’s still breakfast time where I’m at.

[pickalilywrites]

happy halloween! i wrote this lil thing after watching this trailer for this show called Zombie Detective! I haven’t actually watched it so idk much about it beyond the premise, but i worked parts of it into this lil au ^^ hopefully you guys think it’s fun! the idea is that it’ll be a series but idk when i’ll get back to it, haha, but i do have future plans for it! also, can you believe this is my second erejean? crazy! i thought i would have written for them more haha

----------

How To Disguise Yourself As a Human Being

EreJean. Zombie Detective AU. 

How to Be a Zombie series. 

10108 words. 

Read on AO3!

I’m alive. 

It doesn’t occur to Eren, after digging through six feet of dirt, that this isn’t entirely true. While it’s true that he’s alive, it would be more accurate to say that he’s alive again. Then again, it doesn’t quite hit him - as he breathes in his first breath of fresh air in what feels like months - that he had died in the first place. 

To be fair, this isn’t how Eren had pictured himself going out: knocked out in the middle of a midnight stroll through the forested hills that occupied the south of the small town he'd grown up in only to be choked to death, his strangled breaths unheard by the slumbering town. He had pictured himself going out with a bang, something like a gunshot and not snuffed out so easily like a candle. Preferably, it would be in his thirties (forties, if he were lucky), giving him enough time to make a noticeable mark on the world. But, of course, the universe is unpredictable, unjust, and, above all, a huge bitch. 

All Eren can think when he first crawls out of the earth is that the sunlight is so bright it’s practically blinding. He holds out a hand to shade his eyes only to realize something strange - his hand is frighteningly thin and pale and veiny. His tanned skin is now a sickening shade of gray and Eren can easily see the veins of purple and blue running underneath the thin layer of skin. He looks down at himself - his torn up clothing covered in dirt, his bare feet the same color as the rest of his sickly skin, and the dry brittle hair hanging from his head. Dried blood stains his clothing, the only bit of color on him. He realizes then, sitting next to the six-foot hole that was meant to be his grave, that he hadn’t just been attacked that night. He had been killed. Murdered. He was dead. And now he’s alive again. 

Nobody tells you how to deal with being a zombie. They tell you how to deal with a zombie but never what to do if you become one yourself. It turns out that humans are far more equipped to handle zombies than post-apocalyptic media would have you think. You could probably even make it if you were a senior citizen as long as you were able to raise your cane above your head. It’s only occasionally that a person gets eaten by a zombie now because fighting one off isn’t actually all that difficult. Eren knows the basics: aim for the head because the brain is what controls a zombie and their skulls are as soft as eggshells, zombies are slow creatures but you should still think fast, and never ever let a zombie bite you. 

The last rule has Eren salivating as he realizes that it’s been a while since he’s eaten anything. He lays down on the ground, hand on his stomach as it rumbles. He tries to will away the cannibalistic urge that’s eating away at him by thinking of anything except his desire to feast on human flesh. He wants to be hungry for human food: miso ramen with its rich, salty broth and succulent slices of char siu pork with sweet kernels of corn and a soft-boiled egg on the side, okonomiyaki batter sizzling on the grill and topped with shrimp and green onions, or even crispy karaage with a squeeze of lemon and dipped in mayo. But Eren doesn’t crave any of it. His stomach growls in dissatisfaction, banishing his thoughts of food and replacing them with more horrifying alternatives: human skin breaking between his teeth and salty on his tongue, soft tissue melting in his mouth, taut muscle chewed up and swallowed hungrily. Eren craves sustenance in a way he never has before. 

A bush rustles nearby and his eyes flicker over to it. Eren doesn’t move; staying still as a zombie is much easier than it ever was when he was a human. There is nothing but the wind sweeping up leaves in little gusts for a moment, and then, Eren sees it: a rabbit timidly making its way out of the bush. Its wide brown eyes stare at Eren, ready to scurry away at any sign of movement. The rabbit’s little pink nose twitches as it hops ever closer to the reanimated corpse that is Eren Jaeger. It’s such a tiny thing. This might even be its first time experiencing the fall - crisp autumn leaves underfoot, chilly morning air as the temperature cooled from summer to fall, and the sun setting earlier and earlier each night. It hasn’t lived nearly as long as it should, and yet Eren can’t help but salivate as the rabbit approaches him, imagining how satisfying it would be to plunge his teeth in its tender flesh. 

The rabbit stops where Eren sits, leaning down to sniff at the hole in the knee of his jeans. The poor thing didn’t stand a chance. 

Before he can even think, Eren grabs the animal in his grimy hands and bites into its neck. The sound of teeth digging into raw flesh is disgusting, but Eren can’t find it in himself to stop, taking bite after bite, moaning hungrily even as the rabbit struggles in his grasp and blood dribbles down his chin and onto his hand. Eren takes a bite from the rabbit's neck, blood spurting as his teeth tear at a vein, and feels the creature struggle uselessly until finally growing limp in his hands. He eats the rest of it - fur and flesh and blood and all - and feels it fill him like no meal ever has before. He doesn’t know how he had ever eaten before. In his previous life, he couldn’t imagine anything better than well-cooked meat: grilled, fried, roasted. He loved it marinated, covered in spices so that the different flavors could blend together and bring out the umami of the meat. Now, he realizes those extra flavors only masked the true taste of meat - gamey with a slightly sweet aftertaste - and cooking it destroyed its integrity. There’s something invigorating about eating raw meat, chewing through tender tissue and tough tendons, breaking flesh down, grinding it between his teeth. He’s had a taste and now he can’t imagine it any other way. 

The rabbit was a small meal, one that did well to satisfy his hunger for the time being but fed his desire to search for more flesh. Rabbits are lean - small creatures with soft tissue, its only tough muscle in its legs. Eren can only imagine what other animals would taste like. He wants the taste of deer on his tongue, its meat smooth and firm as he bites down into its flesh, its rich and earthy flavor melting in his mouth. Raw pork would be meatier, fattier, sweet and savory at the same time. Chicken should be lighter, not nearly as rich or pork or venison, but nice and juicy as Eren tears his teeth into it. Beef should be tender, thick and meaty and earthy all at once. And human flesh … 

Eren licks his lips at the thought of sinking his teeth into a human’s shoulder but quickly shakes his head as if that would be enough to banish the horrific thought. 

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and stares at the smear of blood across his skin until he falls on his back with a heavy thud. Eren wants to feel disgusted at himself, to be ashamed at the monster he’s become, but his stomach grumbles. Even as he clutches at it in a helpless attempt to muffle the sounds of his hunger, all Eren can think about is how terribly dissatisfying his meal was and how he longs for something more. 

A moan escapes his lip, frustrated and lonely, and Eren wonders how he’ll ever be able to survive his second life. 

----------

Swapping from a traditional zombie diet to a vegetarian alternative, Eren discovers, is actually very easy if you’re able to distance yourself from humans. Well, it’s not really vegetarian if he’s still eating meat, but at least it’s not human meat. That has to count for something, right?

Eren had never really appreciated living in a small town until now. When he was in college, he had jumped at the chance to attend a college in the big city. It was fun; he got to have class with hundreds of kids instead of the normal ten or twenty and met a lot of new people. There were clubs and the chance to have an actual nightlife instead of just having a drink at the convenience store down the block because that was the only place that was open at night. Eren even enjoyed sharing an apartment with four other guys even if they could all barely pay rent and there was never a single clean spot in their shared space. Moving back home was a disappointment, but there really wasn't much else he could do when renting a place in the city was ridiculously expensive and, despite receiving his bachelor’s degree, he couldn’t land a decent job. His hometown was so quiet and dull in comparison, and some houses on the outskirts are so far apart that it takes fifteen minutes to get to the next one, but those are things that are actually very ideal for zombie life. 

In all of his time as a zombie, Eren has only encountered a handful of humans and only from a distance. He doesn’t dare go near the town. He doesn’t think he’s ready for it, at least not yet. He wants to go through more training - learn how to keep space between him and his desires while learning how to satisfy himself with the meals he can get. Camping in the hills at the side of town is helpful, Eren finds. Having grown up here, he knows exactly what places to keep clear of so that he doesn’t run into any innocent townspeople or tourists that have come for a leisurely stroll on the trail. Being at the edge of town also means that Eren’s close to the farm at the foot of the hills, which means he always has a source of alternative meat to feed on when he feels peckish. 

He used to hate the old farm. Even if he was on the other side of town, Eren swore he could still smell the stench of manure even if his mother told him it was ridiculous. Sometimes he would even hear the roosters crowing at the crack of dawn, which didn’t even make sense because Eren didn’t live anywhere near the farm or at least he lived far enough away that he shouldn’t hear roosters shrieking at an ungodly hour every single morning. The other townspeople adored the farm because it was a source of locally-sourced meat that they could trust, nothing like the imported beef and poultry from outside the town. Eren, not understanding the ethics in the meat industry, didn’t care for any of that at the time. He just knew that everything about the farm - its stench, its noises, its entire presence - annoyed him, so he once suggested that he and his friends go cow-tipping. All but one of his friends agreed and so they all sneaked out only to be stopped when they reached Armin, the only person who didn’t want to go. 

“You know you can’t actually go cow-tipping, right?” Armin yawned sleepily when they had snuck into his room to drag him out with them. 

“Why? ‘Cause it’s ‘bad’?” Eren asked, putting the word in quotes to show that he didn’t care and rolling his eyes for good measure. 

“Well, yeah. Not to mention we’d be trespassing,” Armin explained. “And, like, cows don’t even sleep standing up. Horses do that.” 

“Oh.” 

Needless to say, Eren’s plans for that night were thwarted and he had another reason to hate the farm. Now, Eren can’t imagine what he would do without it. 

Eren doesn’t eat at the farm, at least not at first. He keeps an eye on it, noting when the farmer’s truck is in, when it tends to disappear, and when the lights are on at night. When he dares to sneak into the farm, he takes a mental count of all the animals - cows, goats, pigs, chickens. Eren is certain he can get away with eating the chickens as long as he does so sparingly. Maybe he could eat one a day, but the dwindling population of poultry would be noticeable within a number of days. He takes a mental note of the days where the farmer lets the animals out to graze, especially the cows and the goats. The pigs, Eren thinks, are probably the easiest for him to eat. They’re far from hairless, but they’re not as annoyingly furry as cows and goats. Of course, they’re not nearly as tasty, too fatty and rich to Eren’s taste. He likes things with more muscle, something with a bit of chew to it, but disposing of bones is a hassle too. In the meantime, Eren feeds on rabbits and birds he manages to catch in the forest, all the while dreaming of something more satisfying to fill his belly. 

The first time Eren sneaks in to eat a chicken, the sight of the poultry in front of him is so horribly enticing that he devours it on sight. He doesn’t even think, just lunges for the nearest feathered fowl and bites into it even as it flaps its wings and tries to scratch at his face with its claws. One good bite to the neck - punctuated with a large crunch! - and the chicken was lifeless in his hands and he ate away, occasionally spitting out the feathers between bites, while the other chickens clucked noisily around him. It’s only when he’s finished off his meal, polished the meat off its bones, that Eren realizes the ruckus he’s made and, upon hearing footsteps approaching, flees from the scene and disappears into the forest. 

It’s the first time Eren makes that mistake, but it’s far from the last. Although he only makes the trips to the farmhouse only once or twice a week at most, he has too many close calls to count. There are traps the farmer begins to set up to catch the culprit. They’re harmless at first, just traps that set off an alarm when tripped to alert the farmer, but they grow more and more violent - little mouse traps that snap at Eren’s toes, vicious bear traps with jagged metal teeth, steel conibear traps meant to break his body in two - and yet Eren manages to evade every one. Being a zombie makes him slower, but it also makes him more careful, more perceptive of the things around him. Human Eren wouldn’t have stood a chance. 

He still dreams of being able to return to society and live like a normal human being, but it has a slim chance of becoming reality, Eren thinks mournfully as he chomps down on the leg of a goat he had mercilessly bitten into just moments ago. Sure, he hasn’t eaten a human since he had awakened from the dead, but who’s to say that he couldn’t if given the chance? His craving to bite into human flesh, to feel it melt on his tongue, to have it fill his belly, is still one that burns in the pit of his stomach every night, but he’s learned to ignore it so far. As much as he wanted to chase after every stray hiker that had happened to wander into his line of sight, Eren has never allowed the desire to consume him, instead running away and biting into the meat of his arm because he wanted something - anything - to sink his teeth into and the taste of his rotting flesh helped to banish any want for human meat. 

A sudden thump pulls Eren away from his train of thought and he realizes with horror that the farmer is pulling open the barn door. There’s no way to escape, so he has no choice but to hide. 

Cursing under his breath, Eren discards the rest of the goat, leaving its carcass behind as he scuttled to the pile of hay in the corner of the barn. It smelled of dried grass and the stench of the farm. He hoped it would be enough to mask his own putrid scent. 

The clomp, clomp, clomp of the farmer’s boots against the wooden floor grow closer as he comes to inspect the abandoned carcass of his half-eaten goat. Eren watches through the hay as the farmer kneels, pulling what’s left of the goat into his lap and mourns the loss of the poor creature. 

“Those goddamn wolves,” the farmer moans, his voice filled with grief. It’s not unlike the sound of an animal as it cries for mercy. It’s the same sad tone, desperate and confused. The thought of the farmer, his throat in Eren’s hands as he holds the farmer beneath him and bites into the man’s face, with a lonely cry of anguish escaping his lips as he breathes his last makes Eren salivate. 

“Pull yourself together, Jaeger,” Eren mutters under his breath, but his teeth continue to grind as he imagines the taste of the farmer on his tongue - a good mix of tender tissue and tough muscle, like beef but so much better. A hungry growl escapes his mouth before he can stop himself and he hastily shoves a fist inside his mouth, biting down hard until he tastes old rusted metal on his tongue and his tears sting at the taste of his bitter flesh. 

The sound is just enough to catch the farmer’s attention and the man looks up to where Eren is. He stares at the corner where Eren is hiding, eyes unknowingly gazing over the hay bale that conceals the zombie. He continues to look but, finding no other disturbance, returns to look mournfully at the goat in his lap. 

“We’re going to have to lock this place up better if they’re eating the damn goats too,” the farmer says with a shake of his head. With a sigh, he stands up, hoisting the goat’s remains over his shoulder and walking out of the barn. 

Eren breathes more easily when the door of the barn shuts with a hard thud. He crawls out of the hay bale, brushing off the bits of dried grass that stick to his clothing and hair. A little wistfully, his eyes rest on the bloody stain in the stall that had once housed the goat. He had gotten a good taste of it, but he was unable to finish his meal. Hunting for a rabbit in the dark to satisfy his hunger is going to be a pain in the ass. Still, it’s not all a loss. 

In all his time as a zombie, Eren has never been in such close proximity with a human, had never stayed that still in front of a human and not given in to his urge to run away lest he does the unfathomable. He had never trusted himself to not give in to his nature, but tonight is proof that he’s not a monster, at least not completely. At the very least, he’s capable of staying close to a human without eating them. 

Eren rubs at his mouth, wiping at the blood leftover from his last meal. He’s starting to think that reintegrating himself into society isn’t completely impossible but if he’s going to do this, he’s going to need a little help. 

----------

After careful deliberation, Eren realizes that there are really only a handful of people that are equipped to deal with his reanimation. His first thought was to return home because any mother would be overjoyed to discover that her son who had gone missing has suddenly reappeared, but the same cannot be said for a mother who discovers that her missing son has returned as a zombie. If anything, the shock of finding out her son is still alive - alive again, actually - might kill his mother, and that’s something that Eren wants to avoid. 

There are plenty of people in town who knew who Eren was when he was alive, but not very many people that Eren would consider close enough to turn to even if he were in dire need of help. He’s never been the most popular guy in town and he doubts showing up as a zombie will win over any hearts. Out of his friends, he’s probably closest to Armin, who he’s known since they were in kindergarten. Going to Armin for help wouldn’t actually be a bad idea. He’s hands down the most intelligent person Eren has ever met and the town pride for attending Sina University, one of the most difficult universities to be admitted to. He’s also the most loyal, surprising everyone except Eren when he eventually returned to their hometown to work as a civil service worker because he wanted to help improve their town. At first glance, Armin would be the most obvious choice to seek help from, but there’s also a very big issue with Armin: he’d probably faint at the sight of his best friend as a zombie and, well, Eren’s not sure he’d be able to handle himself if an unconscious body dropped in front of him just waiting to be feasted on. 

He goes down the rest of his list: Annie would be more equipped to handle a zombie. There’s no doubt that she’d easily kick Eren’s ass whether or not he was a zombie, but that in itself was an issue too. She’s the type of person to kick ass and ask questions later, and he doesn’t think he’d get too far if she smashed his head to pieces. Eren thinks he’d be able to negotiate with Reiner better, but he’s not sure his friend would be able to help him. Reiner would probably laugh his ass off after finding out Eren had somehow been turned into a zombie and, frankly, Eren isn’t in the mood to deal with that. Thus, after a month of careful planning, Eren finds himself at the front of Jean’s door praying that his friend still lives in this sorry excuse of an apartment. 

He reaches out and knocks on the door with a tentative rap of his knuckles, stepping back and swallowing nervously as he listens to the heavy footsteps on the other side of the door. Keeping his head down, he pulls his hood closer over his face, hoping to shield himself from any curious eyes that might notice him visiting Jean at four in the morning. 

“Who the fuck-?” Jean mumbles as he pulls open the door. A bat dangles from his hand, but he just scowls when he looks at Eren in the face. “Even if you aren’t a goddamn zombie, I will bash your head in.” He starts to lift the bat but Eren hurriedly lifts his hands to shield his face. 

“Wait, Jean!” Eren says. His voice is a lot more hoarse than it used to be. He doesn’t know if it’s because he hasn’t used it in god knows how long or if it’s because zombies don’t have the same vocal cords as humans. He clears his throat. “It’s me. It’s Eren.” 

“Eren?” Jean lowers his bat as he squints and takes a good look at Eren in his tattered hoodie, scraggly hair covering most of his face. He relaxes and then makes room for Eren to squeeze by. “Jesus, you look like hell.” 

Jean’s probably right, but it doesn’t mean Eren likes hearing it. It’s not as if Jean looks any better in his rumpled Yoda pajamas and bedhead. 

“Were you going to hit me over the head with that?” Eren asks, still eyeing the bat warily. 

“Yeah, I mean, zombies and everything,” Jean says with a shrug. He shuts the door behind Eren and gestures for him to take a seat at the dining table. The brunette takes a seat himself and yawns, not even bothering to cover his mouth. “But what about you? Nobody’s seen you in over, what, a year? Your mom cried about you the entire time, calling up everyone she knew every night just to see if anyone had seen or heard from you. Everyone thought you died.” 

“Oh, well …,” Eren says sitting there awkwardly. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, if he should put them on the table or fold them or what. They end up in his lap so he can stare at them and avoid making eye contact with Jean. “They wouldn’t be wrong. Er, at least not exactly.” 

Jean freezes and then his eyes widen, fully awake now. Slowly, he leans across the table and reaches out until his hand is on the hood of Eren’s sweatshirt. They stay there like that, staring at each other while Jean’s hand rests on Eren’s hood until Jean finally pulls it back and reveals Eren’s true appearance. 

“Fucking hell, Eren,” Jean says exasperatedly, burying his face in his hands. 

It’s not how Eren had imagined telling Jean, but it’s not like people made pamphlets for this stuff.

“It’s not like I planned this!” Eren whines, slumping down in his chair and pulling the hoodie over his head again. It’s kind of embarrassing to come out as a zombie. “I just … woke up one day like this.” 

“And you just decided to walk up to my door and let me know then? And then what? Eat me?” Jean hisses. 

Although Eren is grateful that Jean is keeping his voice down, he wishes his friend would stop rubbing his face in exasperation. He finds it so … distracting the way Jean rubs his rosy red cheeks, soft and squishy under his palms. If Eren could just take a bite out of them …

He shakes his head violently. “Stop!” Eren says more to himself than to Jean. He startles himself with his own voice, so he proceeds more calmly, his voice lowered. “I mean … no, that’s not what I’m here for. I’m kind of like a vegetarian anyway.”

“Oh, so if I plop a salad down in front of you you'll be happy eating that instead?” Jean sits back with a snort, arms crossed over his chest. His biceps flex, muscles bulging. Eren doesn’t remember if Jean was ever that toned before, but turning into a zombie has made him a lot more perceptive to these types of things. 

Eren sucks his cheeks in to keep from drooling. “No, I said kind of like a vegetarian. I still eat meat just not, you know, human meat.” It’s supposed to be a good thing, but he still winces as he says it. Not eating humans isn’t really an accomplishment. 

“Good for you,” Jean says dryly. He raises an eyebrow. “So what are you here for? Don’t tell me you want me to … to mercy kill you.” They’ve never been the best of friends but Jean still shudders at the thought of having to do such a thing. 

“No, no, nothing like that!” Eren says hastily. He wonders why those have to be his only options: killing people or being killed himself. Under his breath, he mumbles, “If I wanted someone to kill me, I probably would have asked Annie.” 

“Yeah, she probably would have done it without batting an eyelash. Maybe even without you having to ask,” Jean says and chuckles in spite of the situation. The sound of his laugh makes the atmosphere less tense and Eren relaxes in his chair. Across from him, Jean looks at him with an expression of curiosity rather than one of suspicion. “So if you’re not here to eat me and you don’t want me to kill you, then what are you here for, Jaeger?” 

Eren purses his lips and looks at Jean, wondering exactly how close they are. He would never put him at the top of his friend list although there have been occasions where Jean has been the first name on his hit list. They’ve gone through far too many fights over everything and nothing over the course of their friendship - over copying homework back in middle and high school, over whether or not the other owed them money, over who accidentally left Armin behind, and things that are too trivial to remember now. Asking to disguise your zombie friend as a normal human being is probably the ultimate test of friendship. 

“I want you to help me.” 

Jean sighs but, Eren notes, it’s not a rejection. He gets up from the table and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s way too early for this. I need coffee.” He opens a cupboard and pulls out a pack of instant coffee. Pausing, he looks over at Eren. “Do zombies drink coffee?” 

Eren was never a fan of coffee even when he was alive. Now, the idea of drinking something so bitter makes him want to gag even more. Still, Eren shrugs. “Sure.” 

----------

After a conversation over some (very disgusting coffee), Eren and Jean have agreed to a couple of things. 

First is that, while they shouldn’t openly disclose the fact that Eren is a zombie, they should most definitely let a few people in the know because there’s only so much Eren and Jean can do on their own. Eren can’t have his mother knowing. It would probably break her poor heart to know. But they should at least let Armin know. Out of their friend group, he’s undeniable the smartest one. They’d have to break the news to him in a way that doesn’t frighten him, but Eren thinks that it’ll be manageable. They were debating on whether or not they should let Annie know - Jean was heavily against it but Eren was all for it - and agreed to let her know after consulting Armin for his opinion. They didn’t even want to think about Reiner and Bertholdt right now. 

Second is that Eren can no longer feed on wild animals, but Jean will provide him with a supply of raw meat. The idea of eating meat that’s gone through some processing isn’t ideal, but Eren will take what he can get. At least Jean promised to get him some pig blood to douse the meat in too or else it would be even less appealing. 

(“How do you even eat with those teeth of yours?” Jean asks, trying to peer into Eren’s mouth as the zombie scowls at him. “I mean, you have incisors and stuff, but your molars aren’t really ideal for tearing up food.” 

“Oh, well, it kind of just … gets everywhere,” Eren admits unhappily. 

“Disgusting.”) 

Third is that Eren has to have a makeover. 

“I can’t believe you still have that shitty job at the hair salon,” Eren mutters, referencing the hair salon in the center of town where everyone gets their hair cut. He stopped going there in middle school because he was tired of only having to choose between a buzz cut and a bowl cut, the only hairstyles that were offered to boys below the age of fifteen. 

“Yeah, well, be glad because you’re in desperate need of a haircut,” Jean replies. He pulls a sheet over Eren’s shoulders, holding it in back with a safety pin. He threads his fingers through Eren’s limp hair and frowns. “You can’t make a prolific career as a makeup artist here unless you’re super passionate about high school girls going to prom or brides and their bridesmaids coming in for the occasional wedding. At least cosmetology school covered how to hold scissors.” 

“Sorry,” Eren mumbles, suddenly feeling guilty. He’s felt unhappy and unfulfilled living in this small town, but he’s never really thought about how his friends have felt. Armin and Annie seemed more than content and Reiner enjoyed having his family nearby. Jean would complain every once in a while, but he never seemed too serious about it until now. He must feel as if his potential is wasted after getting a degree in cosmetology only to spend his days cutting hair for his neighbors down the street. 

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing. It’s really not that big of a deal just working here.” Jean takes out his water bottle and spritzes Eren’s hair before running a brush through it. He takes out a pair of clippers, opening and closing them with a few clicks as he approaches Eren. “Do you mind how much I hack off? It’s been a while since you had it cut short and it probably wouldn’t look as … greasy.” 

“Hack away.” 

Eren’s hair flutters to the floor with a few quick snips, the only sound that fills the room. 

“But you’re not like the other zombies,” Jean observes. After snipping most of Eren’s hair off, he trades his scissors for electric clippers that buzz to life with a monotone whir. 

“I hope you’re not going to ask me about it,” Eren murmurs, eyes closed as he feels the clippers shear off the hair at the back of his neck. The feeling of Jean’s finger running through his hair, fingers brushing against the newly stubbled hair, feels so pleasant that Eren can’t help but lean back into it a little bit. It’s been so long since he’s interacted with another human. He hadn’t realized how much he’s been longing for a simple conversation, a simple touch, until now. 

“Why not? You’re a zombie now, aren’t you?” Jean ruffles the top of Eren’s head, the part he hadn’t trimmed short, and retrieves his scissors again. He leans in front of Eren, brushing the hair forward. He’s meticulous about cutting hair, studying the way it falls in Eren’s face before making the first careful cut. 

“I’m a zombie now,” Eren repeats with a snort, “but that doesn’t make me an expert on this. I’m completely new to this, in case you forgot.” 

Jean’s right, though. Eren isn’t anything like the zombies they’ve seen before. Most of them are just sluggish monsters, feet trailing as they moan and groan out incomprehensible noises before they get their brains smashed in by whoever they managed to run into first - maybe the second-grader down the street or even the mailman going about their rounds. Eren, however, is completely coherent and his existence is very close to that of a normal human being aside from his decayed appearance. He’s not sure if he got lucky and rose up before the worms had gotten to him. 

“You’re not, like, actively rotting, right?” Jean asks suddenly after finishing up on Eren’s bangs. 

“What? No!” Eren says, mortified and offended at the same time. Is he really that disgusting? He wouldn’t dare consider himself handsome now - he probably wouldn’t have considered it even if he were alive - but he feels suddenly self-conscious at Jean’s question. Aside from his sickly gray skin and his slight loss of muscle, he hasn’t decayed much and he hadn’t noticed any further deterioration following his resurrection. And even if he were rotting, it’s not like he could control it. 

“I was just asking,” Jean mutters. 

“Whatever.” 

Eren watches as Jean does some fancy thing with his scissors, cutting away at Eren’s hair. It’s taking far longer than Eren had expected. He probably would have shaved his entire head and been done with it, but Jean has always been more patient when it comes to taking care of appearances. 

“Do I really look that bad?” Eren asks. He kind of wishes he hadn’t, but the words have already left his mouth. Jean can be brutal with his opinion at times. 

Jean pauses for a moment, taking a second to look at Eren. He doesn’t scrutinize Eren the way he sometimes scrutinizes celebrities and models on magazine covers, but the intensity of his gaze still makes the zombie squirm uncomfortably as he makes his analysis. “You’ve looked better,” Jean finally replies, “but you don’t look terrible.” 

“Oh.” It’s not the answer that Eren was expecting (although he’s not sure what kind of answer he wanted in the first place), but he’s content with it. 

His friend goes back to attending to Eren’s hair. “Believe it or not, you might actually look better than when you were dating Historia by the time we’re done.” 

“Historia?” At the mention of his girlfriend, Eren straightens his back, the movement startling Jean. The zombie grimaces apologetically when Jean shoots him a glare. He settles back to his original position and clears his throat, trying not to look too eager as he asks, “How is Historia?” 

“Oh, um,” Jean says. It’s difficult to tell if his delayed answer is because he’s reluctant to respond or if it’s because he’s currently trying to figure out what to do with this stray lock of hair that’s sticking up on Eren’s head. “She’s, ah, dating someone else now.” 

“She’s what?” 

“Stop moving or I’ll buzz off the rest of your hair and give you a mohawk,” Jean scowls, forcibly shoving Eren back into the chair. He cuts a little more hair but stops after seeing the frown on his friend’s face. He reaches out to brush off the hair on Eren’s shoulder and says with a sigh, “I mean, you can’t really blame her. You disappeared without a trace.” 

“Well, sorry for not leaving a message. If I knew I was getting murdered, I probably would have let someone know that I wasn’t coming home!” Eren sniffs. He sits back in his chair with a thud, arms folded across his chest. Historia dating someone else is the least of his problems right now, but he can’t help feeling a little miffed about the whole thing. 

It’s not like he loved Historia or anything super romantic like that, but he did like her a lot and he was certain she reciprocated those feelings. They met during their junior year of college through mutual friends and started dating towards the end of their senior year. Unlike Eren, she came from the bustling city of Sina, so it surprised him that someone from such a big city would take a liking to someone like him. She enjoyed photography, majored in it, and managed to find a job at a news company in the city. After failing to secure a job in the same city, Eren had thought that was the end of the relationship, but she had offered to try long-distance for a while. It worked a lot better than Eren thought it would. The distance between Shiganshina and Sina was too far for them to commute to each other every day, but they settled on seeing each other every other week. Sometimes Eren would come visit Historia, but more often than not she would come and visit him, claiming that the quaint little town had a charming and relaxing atmosphere that she could never find in the city. 

The last time he had seen Historia was a week before he had died. They went for a long walk around the town and he had taken her to the noodle shop he often frequented as a high schooler. She liked the broth and sent her compliments to the chef, an act that charmed the shop owner so much that a complimentary plate of dumplings was sent out to Historia and Eren. 

The last time Eren had spoken to Historia was the night before he died. They were speaking on the phone about the next visit - if Eren should travel to Sina or Historia to Shiganshina - before Eren excused himself to go on a nightly walk in the forest. He promised her he would call her later that night. And then he never did. Shit. 

“It’s not like she wasn’t worried about you,” Jean says. “I mean, she was pissed at first, but she looked for you when we all realized you were missing. We never found you, obviously, and it wasn’t like she was going to stay hung up on you forever. So she started dating someone else.” 

It’s true, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“How long before she started dating someone else?” Eren asks. He probably shouldn’t ask - the answer will most likely make him feel worse than he’s already feeling - but he’s morbidly curious. 

Jean finishes cutting Eren’s hair and ruffles the top of the zombie’s head one last time. “I’m not sure. Maybe half a year? A little longer? It’s not like I saw her regularly after you were gone.” 

“I guess,” Eren mutters a little forlornly. He doesn’t even want to look at his reflection when Jean holds up a mirror, but his eyes flicker up anyway. He takes the mirror in his hand and looks unhappily at his reflection. A hand reaches up to play with his hair, still the same chestnut brown but a little more brittle than it used to be. The sides and back of his hair are shorn short in a neat undercut but the top of his hair is still long, long enough to be swept towards the front and hang in the way of his water, green eyes. Looking at his reflection, his hair is really the only nice-looking thing about him. The rest of him still looks sad and ugly and pale. 

“Let me do your makeup now,” Jean tells him, already opening up his makeup kit. 

“Fine,” Eren sighs. He sets the mirror facedown on the nearby table and frowns as Jean wipes off the dust and grime on his skin with a wet wipe. He doesn’t like how cold and damp it is as Jean cleans his face - as a zombie, Eren finds the cold to be unbearable - and shudders as the wet wipe brushes against his cheek. As Jean finishes up cleaning his face, Eren asks, “Is the person she’s dating … nice?” 

“I guess.” Jean inspects the tiny bottles of moisturizer in his kit before deciding on a small white container with a brand name in neat black print that Eren doesn’t recognize. It doesn’t smell like anything, but it’s cool as Jean gently pats the moisturizer into Eren’s skin. “Historia’s girlfriend actually lives here. She moved here after you disappeared though. Came here after getting a job for our local newspaper. They must have met during one of the searches we did for you and, well.” 

He’s thankful that Jean leaves the sentence unfinished. Eren’s imagination can fill in the blank. He should probably be happy that Historia hasn’t spent the last year worrying about him, but he isn’t thrilled to hear that she’s moved on either. 

“Hey, can you stop frowning?” Jean asks. He waves his hand in front of his face, imitating Eren’s expression in an exaggerated manner. “You’re giving yourself wrinkles and your skin is hard enough to work with already.” 

“Sorry,” Eren mumbles.

“‘s fine,” Jean assures. He screws the cap back onto the jar of moisturizers and plucks a makeup sponge, a brush, and a tube of primer. He squirts a little of the primer - a light yellow gel that comes out the size of a dime - before dabbing at it with his makeup sponge and begins to rub it across Eren’s face. “I’ve never had a zombie as a client. If you end up looking good, it means that all those years at cosmetology school weren’t a waste.” 

Even if Jean doesn’t do well and Eren ends up looking like a zombie in clown makeup, Eren doubts that it’ll be a full representation of his friend’s full talents. Jean had a knack for art when they were kids; he knew exactly how to blend colors and shade. He even won a few art contests here and there back in middle school and high school. His talents seemed to transfer naturally when he decided to become a makeup artist, not that he’s had the chance to display them after finishing cosmetology school. Jean’s gifts go pretty much unused now (except for on the few occasions that Annie decides she wants to go out with a little more intricate makeup), but those types of skills just don’t go away. Of course, Eren would never say any of these things to Jean’s face. He had never complimented Jean and he wasn’t going to start now just because he started a new life. 

Instead, Eren says, “You’re painting me yellow.” 

Jean clicks his tongue as he begins to smooth out the primer over Eren’s skin. He’s gentle as he does it and Eren has to wonder if he’s this careful with his other clients or if he’s just cautious because Eren’s zombie skin is more delicate than normal human skin. “It’s just to help with your complexion. It’s really pale now, so this is to help cover up all those veins that we can see and hide the dark circles under your eyes. I probably would have used a pink primer if you were normal. Or something to help moisturize and lighten your skin.” 

Eren hums. He always knew makeup was complicated, but it’s another thing to actually sit down and experience it for himself. He’d never be able to do this on his own. 

“I’m gonna look fresh to death,” Eren murmurs as Jean moves in to apply some foundation. “Drop dead gorgeous.” 

Jean rolls his eyes, pausing to say, “I’m very good at making people look amazing, but I can also make you look even worse if I wanted to.” 

“No, thank you,” Eren squeaks, shutting up immediately. 

Normally, Eren wouldn’t bother making these types of jokes. Puns and play on words is the kind of humor that Reiner usually resorts to. If anything, Eren and the rest of his friends try to avoid it lest they annoy Annie with such nonsensically stupid humor, but Eren feels as if he doesn’t have a choice but to resort to such simple jokes if only to distract himself from everything that’s happening in front of him. 

The thing about being a zombie is that everyone, no matter who they are, looks like an attractive piece of meat. This includes the drunk hikers that stumbled into the woods at night that Eren sometimes saw from a distance, the farmer that Eren never liked as a child because he always smelled of manure, and Jean, the very same Jean that Eren had once called horse-face back when they were kids. Jean has since grown into his exceptionally long face and is, at least what the mothers in town would call, handsome, an adjective that Eren and his zombified brain would heartily agree with. 

Jean is inches away from Eren’s face as he dabs in foundation and concealer - both far too dark to match Eren’s current skin tone but are very close to his original color - and Eren can get a good look at his brown eyes, his brow furrowed in concentration. People often said that Jean and Eren had similar eyes when they were children, something Eren didn’t really understand because his eyes were much bigger than Jean and also a completely different color. People would probably have a different opinion now because Eren’s eyes are now wet and watery all the time, but Jean’s brown eyes are bright, shining with intensity despite the dark bags under his eyes. Eren just wants to pluck them out and plop them in his mouth, crunch them between his teeth. They’d probably be as plump and juicy as an octopus ball. 

Up close, everything about Jean looks perfect. Even if Eren has never eaten a human in his life, Jean would probably be his ideal prey. He’s a decent size, tall with some lean muscle and not a lot of fat. Eren could probably feast on him for days. He can’t imagine Jean tasting like beef - he’s not muscular or meaty enough. He’d probably be more similar to the taste of venison: rich and earthy with a slightly sweet aftertaste. The texture would probably be the same too, Eren thinks hungrily, smooth and firm but juicier and more succulent than beef or even pork. 

Even Jean’s skin looks enticing. Eren had never been one to notice people’s skin. He didn’t care about blemishes or acne or anything like that. He still doesn’t care even though he’s sitting so close he can see every mole, every acne scar, every single pore on Jean’s skin. Those little imperfections hardly bother him. Those things won’t affect taste and texture, Eren is sure. He does, upon his close inspection of Jean’s skin, have a newfound appreciation for healthy skin. Jean’s is so shiny and clean that he’s practically glowing. It’s nice and tight pulled over smooth bone and firm muscle, keeping all this flesh nice and juicy. His lips look especially plump and pink, probably treated with some sort of lip care routine that Eren could never be bothered to make into a habit. Eren doesn’t remember if Jean’s lips were always that nice or if he’s just noticing it now. He kind of wants to lean over and have a taste, see if they’re as sweet as they look before he nibbles on them and rips them off, swallowing them whole. 

“You’re drooling,” Jean tells him, snapping Eren out of his ravenous reverie. 

“Sorry,” Eren mutters. He’d probably blush if zombies were capable of blushing. He reaches up to wipe the drool from his mouth but Jean hastily smacks his zombie hand away and wipes at the corner of Eren’s mouth with a wet wipe. 

He shouldn’t be having these thoughts about Jean. For one thing, he just promised Jean that he wouldn’t eat any people. As much as Eren wants to chomp on Jean’s face right now, eating his childhood friend would be very traumatic. He knows way too many things about Jean to eat him like he’s some poor rabbit right now. In fact, knowing so much about Jean should be a huge turn-off for Eren. Jean chews on the end of his writing utensils. He has terrible morning breath especially after he’s drunk coffee. He lets his dishes soak overnight before actually washing them. Why would Eren want to eat someone like that? Of course, it’s hard to remember all of that when Jean is sitting in front of Eren the way he is, his back hunched slightly and his brow furrowed in concentration while he nibbles on his bottom lip as he carefully applies some mascara to Eren’s eyelashes to make them look less sparse. 

Looking at Jean is definitely making Eren hungrier, so he squeezes his eyes shut hoping that not seeing Jean will make Eren forget just how delicious-looking his friend is. Unfortunately, that seems to make everything worse. Living by himself and hunting for his own food, becoming a predator to so many unsuspecting prey, has only heightened Eren’s other senses like smell and touch. 

Eren breathes in and his lungs are flooded with Jean’s scent. He smells sweet and earthy, like a mix of a freshly mowed lawn or rain-soaked soil. It overpowers the cold, sterile smell of makeup, all of them claiming to smell like flowers but really just smell like they’ve come out of a factory. Eren wants to bury his face in Jean’s scent, get lost in it as he presses his nose into Jean’s neck. It would probably be even better when he cuts Jean open, his fragrance mixing with the metallic smell of blood. 

God, Eren can just feel the saliva pooling at the back of his throat. He doesn’t want to get scolded for ruining his makeup again, so he tries to swallow it down only to choke on it. 

“You alright?” Jean asks. 

Eren chances a glance at his friend, cracking open an eye carefully. “I’m fine,” Eren manages even though he’s the complete opposite. 

“Okay, let me finish you up then.” Jean sets Eren’s makeup with a mist of some sort. (“It’s to help your makeup stay on,” the makeup artist explains. “I’ll probably have to redo some of it in the afternoon, but we’ll think about that later.”) He finishes it up by applying a nude lipstick to help cover up the cracks and the color of blue-gray lips. 

It’s difficult not to be fixated on Jean’s fingers, especially when they’re so close to Eren’s mouth. They’re long and slender, the type of fingers an artist has. Eren wants to wrap his lips around them and taste the salt on Jean’s skin. If he sucks hard enough, the fingers will probably detach with a deliciously clean pop! Jean’s hands actually remind Eren of the chicken feet he and his friends used to get at the dim sum place near their university whenever they felt like treating themselves at the end of the term. Chicken feet didn’t taste nearly as good when Eren was a zombie. They were all skin and bone, not to mention the claws that nearly cut Eren’s tongue every time he ate them. Jean’s hands look like a more elegant version of chicken feet, his skin smooth and fingers meatier than the bony digits of a chicken. 

“Purse your lips for me,” Jean says. 

Eyes still fixed on Jean’s hands, the zombie obeys, frowning at the waxy feeling on his lips. It turns him off to the idea of eating Jean a little bit. He’d probably ruin his makeup and all of Jean’s hard work would go to waste. 

Jean studies Eren for a moment before nodding, satisfied. “Good. Try not to touch your face when you go outside or else you’ll smudge everything.” He caps the lipstick and begins to pack everything away in his kit before he notices a hand mirror he’s placed face down beside the kit. Taking it, he hands it to Eren. “Here, take a look.” 

Hesitantly, Eren takes the mirror and gazes on his reflection. He’s not sure what he’s expecting to see. When he was a zombie, he only saw his reflection a handful of times in pools of water and in the sideview mirrors of the farmer’s truck whenever he passed by. Despite knowing his true form, seeing himself with such lifeless gray skin and scraggly hair hanging in his face, the light that was always in his eyes when he was alive absent, was such a shock that he vowed to never look at himself again. Eren’s done his best to avoid looking at his reflection since then, only catching a glimpse every now and then and flinching in horror every time. But looking at his reflection now…

His skin is no longer a dull, sickly gray but a healthy tan. It’s not the exact same shade he was back when he was alive - it’s probably a few shades lighter - but it’s definitely an improvement. His makeup isn’t too apparent, which he appreciates. It’s one thing to disguise himself as alive and another thing entirely to show up in town a year later looking like a model. He just has some light blush in his cheeks and his lipstick hides how ugly and chapped his lips were before he came to Jean. Eren’s hair looks more socially acceptable now that it’s not hanging in greasy strands around his face. The undercut on the sides makes him look younger, a little livelier, and his hair is long enough on top to cover some of his eyes. It’s not enough to obscure his sight but enough to distract anyone from seeing how watery and tired his eyes look. As long as people aren’t looking too closely at him, they might just think he hasn’t slept in a while. He looks good. Great even. Jean was probably joking, but he really did make Eren look better than he did when he was alive. 

“I think you might have done too good of a job,” Eren mumbles. He’s about to reach up and touch his face, but Jean latches onto his wrist and shakes his head. Ah, right. No touching. 

“Don’t underestimate yourself, Jaeger.” 

Eren wonders if that’s supposed to be a compliment. He’s about to ask Jean, but Jean is already disappearing into his room. 

“It took longer than I thought it would to do your makeup,” says Jean. There are sounds of him shuffling through his closet for something to wear. He pops out and throws Eren an old oversized hoodie and some dark jeans. “Wear those. Keep your hood up while we’re out. I don’t know if we should tell people you’re back, at least not yet. Let’s meet Armin first.” 

“Alright.” 

He stares at the hoodie in his hands, wondering if he should put it on. Should he strip? It feels weird to undress in Jean’s living room, but it’s not like Jean hasn’t seen him in a locker room before. Then again, that was back when Eren’s body wasn’t all … gross. Still, Jean was actually pretty considerate about Eren’s current appearance aside from the question about decomposing. Ah, fuck it. 

Eren begins to take off his worn-out shirt and jeans, leaving them discarded on the floor. He pulls on the sweater first, careful not to mess up his makeup in the process. As soon as he puts his head through the hoodie, he immediately regrets it. He’s met with Jean’s overwhelming scent - warm and comforting and absolutely delicious. He breathes it in a little too hard before realizing that it’ll be awkward explaining to Jean if he’s caught in the act. Hurriedly, he pulls the hoodie over his head and wiggles his arms through the holes. He’s in the process of pulling the jeans over his legs when Jean steps out of his room. 

“Do you need help?” Jean is changed out of his pajamas and into casual outerwear - khaki pants and an overcoat thrown over a button-up. He has a knitted scarf wrapped around his neck, probably something Armin made when he was stressed out the night before a council meeting. On his head rests a matching knitted beanie. He looks so nicely put together that Eren feels embarrassed standing in his living room half-dressed. 

“N-no,” Eren stammers as he tugs the jeans over his calves and then his thighs. He wasn’t sure they would fit. He and Jean weren’t exactly the same size; Jean was always long and lanky even before he had his growth spurt, but Eren must have lost a lot of muscle mass during the zombification process because the jeans are a little roomy around his thighs. At least the cuffs are too short, ending an inch above his ankles, so Eren hasn’t grown shorter while he was buried under the ground. He straightens out his clothes and pulls his hood up, looking at Jean expectantly. “Where are we going?” 

“To talk to Armin,” Jean replies. He glances at his phone and nods at a text message before tucking the phone back in his pocket. Plucking his keys and wallet from the drawer, he walks to the door and opens it, beckoning for Eren to follow him. “Come on. Let’s figure out what to do with you before you accidentally eat someone.” 

“Right,” Eren chuckles nervously, thankful that Jean isn’t able to see the nervous sweat that’s currently breaking out on the back of the zombie’s neck. He wants to keep his promise of not eating people to Jean, he really does. More than anything, he wants to keep it to at least prove that he’s nothing like the other mindless zombies that have been roaming around and getting their heads smashed in. There has to be some difference between him and them, Eren thinks, but it’s hard to believe when he’s busy staring at Jean’s backside and his long, long legs that seem to stretch on for days. It’s even more difficult when his eyes settle on Jean’s ass because his khakis hug his curves too well and it’s impossible for Eren to not look. Eren wants nothing more than to sink his teeth into Jean’s ass and taste that sweet, peachy flesh on his tongue. 

God, Eren thinks with a whimper as he pulls the hoodie over his face and forces himself to look at the ground so that he’s no longer tempted to eat his friend alive. This is going to be the death of me. 

[quixoticnexus]

Day 18:

18.) Is your character a good cook? What’s their favorite recipe, whether they’re good or not? (Microwave mac-and-cheese applies.)

Xavier’s not a great cook, but he’s better than most, when it comes to cooking wild game on an open campfire. He can’t make much of anything on one of your new-fangled, fancy “stoves”, but if you’re ever in a survival situation and have a craving for spit-roasted wood rats / ground squirrels or frog legs fried in beaver fat, he’s your guy!

Perhaps surprisingly, Tobias is a GREAT cook, though his recipes are anything but fancy. They’re mainly salt-of-the-earth stuff, like mac and cheese, fried chicken, fried fish, spicy waffles, and yakisoba. He also has a tendency to name his dishes that he considers his specialties -- Toby Mac (and Cheese) being his favorite of all! Honestly, he’d probably get WAY more girls if he told them he can cook, rather than asking them about their bra size. But he feels like cooking is too “girly” of a hobby to have, and he’d rather project himself as an Alpha Male.

Kyoko can’t really cook very well at all. When she was younger, her mother, aunt, and older sisters usually took care of cooking duties. And then, after her transformation, she no longer needed to cook her food to be able to survive -- she could eat raw meat and be just fine without risk of disease or parasites. So that’s what she did. Despite that, she still enjoys a good meal, and it’s one of the quickest ways to her heart, since her metabolism is so high.

As embarrassing as it is to say, Kaneda isn’t the best at cooking. Not to an ABSURD degree -- he can follow instructions on boxed mac and cheese -- but he is primarily a Microwave Chef. He’ll usually try to shop for those Super Healthy microwave meals in the frozen food section, and has tons of steam-in-the-bag veggies and rice at his disposal. He does have one of those fancy electric indoor grills, though, so that’s useful for cooking up protein in an easy, low-fat way! But that’s about as fancy as it gets for him.

Touma is a decent home chef. A little bit better than Kaneda, since he can make things in the oven and on the stove, but not by much. He does very basic, healthy meals for himself and his little one -- a lot of miso soup.

“Do I LOOK like a peasant to you?! Of COURSE I don’t cook for myself -- don’t be ridiculous.” 

Kouki isn’t terribly good at stove top recipes, but he’s AWESOME at baked goods. He loves baking bread and sweet treats for himself and whoever he’s close to at the time. Favorite being his specialty “Kouki Cookies” (which may or may not have weed in them.)

Similar to Adrian, Doc usually has “The Help” tend to his daily needs, like cooking and cleaning.