#i love them both equally and i'm not ashamed to admit it

[wrengrif]

Alright, last Random Thoughts for today

Be mad at Aziraphale! Look at the horrible things that he said! Look at him leaving Crowley after Crowley poured out his heart! He went off to toxic Heaven on an impossible mission!

Be mad at Crowley! Look at the horrible things HE said! Look how he doesn't ever take responsibility for his actions! He walked out when Aziraphale needed him the most!

You know what? You can be angry at both of them. You can blame both of them for not taking the time to actually see the problems right in front of their faces. You can be mad that Aziraphale never asked Crowley to move in with him directly, for not seeing how on edge and depressed Crowley was, how he never seemed to relax, always waiting for another shoe to fall. You can be mad at Crowley for not realizing just how seriously manic Aziraphale was, how the angel was going around without an rudder, using Crowley as a proxy!Heaven to report to.

They both made mistakes. They both have something to learn in their separation. They both have to come back to this friendship, this relationship, having made progress in their own self-realizations.

I think that's what Neil, and the script, have been leading to all along. They're stronger together, but only if they are working together. Equal partnership, fifty-fifty. Balancing out each other's weaknesses, supporting each other's strengths.

We, as a fandom, should not be, in my personal opinion, Pro-Crowley or Pro-Aziraphale. We should be Pro-Ineffable Husbands. We accept they are both fucked up, that we love them anyways, and we're going with them on their wacky journey of personal growth, and eventually, their triumphant reconciliation. That's why we got on this crazy ship to begin with.

So. To them. To Us. To their world.

[universal-imagines]

Hi! I wanted to request a headcanon with Akashi, Murasakibara and Aomine (and another character if you want) about them having a female s/o who is not their original type? (Aka: elegant girls with dignity, Mura: tall girls, Ao: big breasts) Their s/o isn't really elegant lol, or has an average height etc. But they love and treasure her. They reasure their s/o, when she finds out their original type and she's insecure about it

❥ ﹝ insecurities ﹞

i. akashi seijuro

it'd been a couple of months since you'd started dating akashi, but you had yet to make it public

not that he or you were actively hiding it, the occasion just hadn't presented itself, but as time continued to pass by you began to wonder if he was ashamed of you

you'd been friends for a while and people knew the both of you were close, even when everyone else was terrified of him you were always there and he treated you like an equal so you didn't think people would be surprised if you ended up together

however, you didn't fit his type, the type everyone assumed he would eventually end up with, someone sophisticated and well-mannered, someone who oozed elegance and power...

you were just you, maybe a little loud and outspoken or maybe a little clumsy

but your insecurities were immediately dealt with when he took you by the hand and walked down the hall

it was a particularly busy day, you don't quite remember why because your mind was too preoccupied with his hand in yours, but it was probably due to festival preparations

"why did you do that?" you asked when you finally found your voice

"because i could tell something was troubling and i hadn't done anything wrong, so i figure it had to do with our relationship status"

you smiled, of course he could read you like a book

ii. murasakibara atsushi

to be honest you had expected a little more than "you're the perfect size" when you voiced your concerns about your height difference

before you guys started dating you had asked him about his type and he said he wanted someone tall so he didn't have to worry about bending down and stuff, so it had been weighing on you this whole time

you wanted some kind of reassurance that he didn't absolutely hate it, but he just shrugged and continued to eat his snacks

"well can you tell me how exactly i'm the perfect height?"

after taking a bite of a chip he titled his head, studying you for a few seconds

"when i'm tired i can rest my chin on your head and it fits perfectly, doesn't matter if i'm sitting or standing and when we're sitting down you fit perfectly against me. i can practically swallow you up with a hug and i think it's nice"

he ate a few more chips before smiling

"oh and i like the way my sweaters look on you"

iii. aomine daiki

you found the magazines he used to get bribed with by his teammates and felt your stomach drop

in all honesty, you weren't snooping or anything your foot just accidentally knocked into something under his bed and you pulled it out to make sure it wasn't damaged, you actually wished you hadn't stumbled upon his hidden stash of magazines

"what do you have there?" was his nonchalant reaction when he walked into the room

he could tell you were uncomfortable with what you'd found but he thought it was nothing more than shame or disgust that he'd keep something like that

it wasn't until a couple of days later when you brought the subject up that he realized why exactly you looked upset

"are you disappointed that i don't have a big chest like those girls... in the magazines?" you were trying to sound as casual as possible, but your body language told a whole different story

"what?" he frowned, but only got a shrug from you

"i'll admit that's the first thing i see in a girl. i'm a tits guy through and through but that's not all i care about. besides, yours are just the right size. if you had big tits i'd have to watch out for other guys..." he stopped, thinking about how that might have sounded "but that doesn't mean that's the only reason i'm dating you either. without you i wouldn't be able to function. i used to rely on momoi for everything, but now you're the person i look for, so get those stupid thoughts out of your head"

[marciaillust]

hey, i hope you're doing great! i feel this may be unorthodox, but i really wanted to reach out to extend my engagement?— awe?— solidarity?— (some variant of those, anyways) with your most recent "workposting" art. i don't normally do this. I've maybe sent 3 asks in my whole life. there's no pressure to respond to this, as i mostly just wanted to cheer you on. also, I'm really sorry this is so long.

i only just recently landed my very first freelance art job, at a start-up company dedicated to making comics + DND inspired art content. I've always felt that "Its nothing to call home about", and so i really resonated with your feelings regarding your work for Brawl Stars. I felt kind of ashamed of my job, that its just a small start up— that I'm not enough and that i should be trying harder, or something like that. Specifically i resonated with your comment of "presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher" and i don't think i could have solidified any better.

Anyways. all's to say. I really found your work quite jaw-dropping. I was shocked when i read it was for Brawl Stars. I didn't know anything about it, but when i did some research i was even more amazed. they're really, really compositionally beautiful... i mean, i know its just "work" to you ultimately, but it really does feel lively, and everything about it makes it feel like you care. I think sometimes you're just able to tell when an artist genuinely cares about their work; about its end outcome. there's so many intricacies. and a lot of attention to detail. you kept the style that was necessary of you but i also can feel the warmth and the care of the artist behind it— its not corporate, or stale, it doesn't come across as "just work".

since you mentioned League, i genuinely do think it serves an equal purpose and weight to what League of Legends would produce. from a biased standpoint, i would actually value your work more. Its not even that its "more obtainable"/"more realistic" but that there's genuinely more feeling to it. Compositionally/artistically, yeah, League makes great stuff, but occasionally, the feeling or the sense of warmth and care from the creator of the art is lost along the way. I value seeing the artist within their own art a lot, which is why I've admitted to a degree of bias. either way. what you put out there is really gorgeous, and crazy impressive.

I know a stranger with a dumb, fandom-oriented art blog cant solve the self-indited art elitism (you and me both, man💀) and that you've already received plenty of love/reblogs saying similar things, but i wanted to extend my feelings anyways. Its really heart-warming, i guess. It brings me hopefulness, and deep adoration for the craft. I'm not very good with words. Anyways. don't undersell yourself. seeing your work meant more to me than you can imagine. I'm obviously nowhere near your skill level, but it meant more to me as an aspiration. i think that regardless of who you work for, your work is really valuable and downright incredible. because you bring that sense of warmth, care, time, and patience regardless of the media it portrays. and you're able to do that while being objectively talented— utilizing great compositions, colour pallets, shading, characterization, mood, etc. That is more valuable. That is much much cooler than working for Riot. imo.

Initially, i also wanted to ask you some questions about how you assembled your portfolio, if you went to school, (if so) what it did/didn't provide for you going into the art field, and just how you landed the job in general. But i respect you and your time, and wouldnt want to be a burden or anything. If you ever have time for it, i would love to ask them, among others, and we can chat in DM if you'd prefer. Absolutely no pressure. Im happy just watching from the sidelines. I dont anticipate anything from you to begin with! I just hope youll know how influential your post was to read & see, to someone like me!

Oh man. I. How. Where do I even start except

This is one of the most uplifting, touching and encouraging messages I received in my life. I read it thrice. And I still can't believe how full of love it is. This is such high praise, I want you to know I will cherish it and carry it with me for a long long time. It's not often that an artist gets to learn how their art is perceived, not to mention in such a positive light. It really means a lot to me.

It makes me so happy to hear that my work illustrations retain a piece of me that is visible to others. I myself can't see it, but I imagine my closeness to the matter at hand heavily impacts my ability to see objectively at all. There was a time where I was worried that work was overriding the me that makes my art mine, that I was becoming a corporate rendering machine and that what I did at work (the shape language and style) was bleeding into my personal art. There is a part of me that is now breathing easier after reading your message. I would love to answer any questions you have, it's the least I can do to repay you! Feel free to send an ask or even an email, I'll try to be as thorough as I can be with my answers. I wish you happy holidays! Take care! And again thank you so much for taking the time to write this message!

[hrtzz]

Connor NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Connor is extremely attentive of your vitals, keeping an eye on your hydration levels, heartbeat and overall well-being. He will clean you up every time, maintaining himself and his partner is very important for him. He will get you anything you need but if you require anything over water you have to ask, although he can see much more than a human can he isn't a mind reader

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Connor doesn't have a favourite body part on himself, he's aware he's perfectly designed to appeal and integrate with humans so he doesn't get insecure about himself physically, that also means he doesn't favour any physical part of himself, but if he had to choose, he knows if he gives you a certain look with his eyes you give in to him pretty quickly, which always works to his benefit.

For you it would be everything if it could, he's constantly learning new things about humans and you. He definitely favours your waist and hips, loves grabbing onto them everywhere whether he's being subtle or not, he has you in his control and to an android who's used to following orders having someone else following his is somewhat empowering to him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Either inside your mouth or inside you. He doesn't gain anything in covering you with cum, just makes a mess, and he also can't get you pregnant so he doesn't have to worry about anything like that.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tried masturbating, and like it. He's too ashamed to admit it to you, as normal as it is to humans, for an android like him it feels like selfish indulgence. He's much more of a giver than a receiver and sometimes feels like sex is more for your benefit than his, after all he never even considered sex until it came to you. When he realised he liked masturbating he felt guilty, like you would believe that he preferred his hand to you, so he never told you, until one day you caught him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He had no experience before you but he easily done his research. You guided him at first and he eventually got more brave in the bedroom, more explorational, he was a fast learner too.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl. Loves to watch you on top of him while grabbing your hips, and gives you both equal control.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He takes sex quite seriously if you make a joke he will play along but like his missions he has a goal to accomplish, and nothing will get in the way of that goal.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Neatly trimmed, and uniform to his hair, again his maintenance takes a certain priority.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

As romantic as they get. He's very focused of course but understands moments like these are nothing to you without the romantic aspect.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Again, he enjoys it. Doesn't do it often but if he finds himself bored at home then he will partake in it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Loves praise as he was programmed to respond positively to it.

Loves being the more dominant one as he gets to be in control.

He's never admitted this one to you but once you playfully ran away from him after trying to initiate sex and the chase before he undoubtedly caught you sparked something in him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom is the only place he likes. Sex is meant for the bedroom and meant to stay in the bedroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Praise really gets him going if you mention his impeccable skills in the bedroom and how much you yearn for them in the current moment he will gladly accept. “You need my skills? Well of course I'm happy to be of service!”

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Won't cause you or him harm. Won't have sex outside the bedroom. Won't participate in a threesome. Anything that puts either of you in danger. Things that cause way too much mess (Usually involving bodily fluids)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving, he can analyse your that way too like he does with blood. Once told you that you might wanna drink more water as the acidic level- and he has to stop as a light smack came to his head. He learnt not to analyse you mid eating you out. Loves to delve his face into you, and since he's an android he wont come up for air. As he's doing this he's constantly looking at you watching your reactions.

Receiving is also great but he got too carried away in it once, had you coughing for a good minute, he forgot humans have to breath and have gag reflexes, and now has too control himself everytime, which irritates him as he usually likes to let loose during sex.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can do both depending on what you're responding to the best. If he's pissed off he tends to take it out in sex.

“F- shit! Jesus Connor! Rough day?”

“You, ngh, have no idea.”

Usually is slow and sensual as he gets a better look at your reactions.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hates them, sex is a special thing to him and to rush it just ruins it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Is very open to new things and will try most things at least once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's an android, he can last all day and night. Usually stops when you're overstimulated (sometimes keeps it going for longer)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn't use toys. He's got many features, toys are somewhat useless to you both.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Loves to tease, usually tests how long you can go for until you break

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He can be quiet but much prefers to be loud, he wants you to know he's enjoying it as much as he is.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Short-circuited once after cumming. Wouldn't let you mention to him ever again after that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He was given above average, around 7.5. A notable length but average girth.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

At first it's high, he wants to learn so much and asks you almost every chance he gets. Once he gets the hang of sex he pulls it back a little but will never deny you if the opportunity strikes (unless he's in a teasing mood)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Unless he's low on power he doesn't need to sleep, if you fall asleep on him he will go into rest mode but will never fall asleep before you.

If you have any requests please let me know, especially for Connor (or Markus he never gets enough love)

[kathairoette]

Various Yugi, Yami, and puzzleship headcanons because one I'm too busy to draw much, and two I wanted to write a little something for myself, just for fun. And you get to see them too (• 3 •) :

Yami’s transition from vengeful vigilante to kind-hearted yet prideful pharaoh was rocky to say the least. Not understanding and not quite willing to accept Yuugi’s kindness, most of his attempts to understand his newfound life was filled with stone-cold faces, confused stares, and offended petulance. But Yuugi is equally stubborn in helping his new friend acclimatize to being human again, so he does his best to teach him, even if not everything he does is successful.

Yami, despite loving Yuugi, doesn’t worship the ground his partner walks on. Instead he sees a person who’s gone through hardship, being lonely and bullied, and still somehow smiling at the end of it, and it amazes him as much as it confuses him. He’s unsure how to proceed with a person who seems so contradictory. Though with time, he recognizes Yuugi's inner strength and resolves to help Yuugi see what he himself saw in his partner.

Yuugi will never admit it, but whenever he gets the chance to become “the strong one” and help Yami out for a change, it gives him a heady feeling that rivals anything he’s felt before. For once, he gets to protect others, something he never gets to do, and plus, he’s protecting the one person who protects everyone else. He, the tiny and small Yuugi Mutou, protecting Yami no Yuugi, the hero! He finally gets the chance to be “the lead” almost, and it brings him greater joy than any other. Ofc he doesn't flaunt it, but it's definitely something he feels and to a degree feels ashamed about. Though he lets himself be arrogant, just a teeny tiny bit.

To Yami though, Yuugi becomes very vigilant and constant in looking out for him, something he does appreciate exclusively from Yuugi when he can no longer stand on his own. 

In terms of love, the spirit only knows it in theory. He loves his partner, he cares for his friends, he loves his home of Egypt, and he loves his priests and his people. But the kind of love where two people love each other, is less foreign and more of unsure territory for him. He recognizes it’s a love that goes beyond what he’s felt for anyone else, but doesn’t know how to approach it. Much less appreciate it. 

Yuugi meanwhile, understands love very well. He’s yearned for it for years, and finally feels it for Yami, his partner and dear spirit. He hides it of course, the world is more important than his feelings, but when it’s all over and he gets the chance to act on them, his desperate heart won’t let him be so selfless. He enjoys and revels in teaching Yami the many ways one could love, as to him, it shows just how much he loves Yami in turn. But he’s equally patient about it, taking it step by step. Sometimes, he’s so gentle that Yami gets impatient, but Yami’s equally weak to his partner’s tenderness, especially when it’s geared towards him. 

Their relationship isn’t fueled by something as small as one’s appearance, nor did it ever start from it. But when those moments come, Yuugi can feel his breath be stolen by Yami’s visage, or Yami blinking when he sees how the light refracts in Yuugi’s eyes. Still, they appreciate each other’s appearance and take full advantage to do so, especially when having separate bodies. They appreciate them as they entirely are, and not for singular details. 

Yuugi likes squeezing Yami’s butt. There isn’t much there, but whatever he gets, he gropes. Yami’s since then no longer bothered to scold him, only giving him a mild glare and blush whenever he does it. Though he always somehow knows when to smack Yuugi’s hand away when they’re out in public events. 

Neither are comfortable to sleep on because they’re quite lanky, even if Yami came back in Atem’s body (trust me, if he really is all muscle then those are rocks dude, not pillows) So instead Yugi and Yami both like taking a pillow and just putting it on themselves so the other can sleep on them. 

Atem, when alive, was a well-meaning king. A little spoiled, since he was such a golden boy, but overall, a good-natured king. He often listens out to his people, gets into quarrels with Seth because of his seemingly soft nature, and tries to be equal in his sense of judgement. But it never changes the fact that he was a young king, and there was much he had left to learn by the time Kul Elna’s history was revealed. These lessons unfortunately, he would never know, not until 3000 years later. 

When Yami/Atem comes back, he doesn’t come back fully human. Being locked in an ancient artifact with the remnants of darkness incarnate changes you. So while he looks human, he still holds control over the shadows and is as much of their slave as he was their master. The only difference is that the shadows don’t scream anymore, and are more or less docile unless Yami riles them up. And they don’t hurt him anymore, so that’s pretty good too. 

[shelbgrey]

Dating Felix Davison Headcanons

-A/n: due to personal stuff the Spooky season series has been canceled and I'm just releasing this one.

Paring: Felix Davison x Reader

Summary: headcanons about dating Felix and what it's like to be around his family. (from the horror movie 'You're Next') -SMUT warning!

❤️MasterList ML2 ❤️Dating Moodboard

First off I think you both would be total opposites. He's kind of a hothead, the rebellious one out of his siblings and you're just really sweet, playfully, and have a big heart.

That's what attracted him to you. You always went out of your way to be nice to him dispite you being really shy around new people.

You guys met during your 2nd year of film school, you both got a job at a movie/book store. He had already been working there a couple of months before you got hired.

You could tell he wasn't a people person so you didn't force him to talk or interact with you, but you were always nice and helped him out when he needed it.

Once he got you to warm up to him he fell in love with your big heart then found it amusing that you had a twist sence of humor.

He found out quickly you were shy. He just hated everyone equally and you were just too shy to talk to people, so it took him a while for you to have a full conversation with him. He found out if he gets you talking about movies you'd be less shy and more open to have a conversation.

He also goes out of his way to be really nice to you even though he's a complete asshole to others. He also loves to make you laugh.

It'll probably take him a few months into dating for his family to find out you even exist. He doesn't get along with anyone in his family other than Crispin and his mom. He'll also be terrified of them scaring you off. It'll probably be a year before you get to meet them face to face.

He's never been ashamed of you, but he could say he's ashamed of his family's actions and personality. He also knows you're shy and way too nice for your own good, so he doesn't trust them around you.

His mom would probably be the first person to meet you and know about you. He doesn't admit out loud, but he's a mama's boy and he was able to get you guys to meet without anyone else around.

She absolutely loves you even though you're the exact opposite of what she expected Felix to date. She loved the fact you were a little shy but very kind hearted. “she's good for you. You both balance each other out”

His ex-girlfriend Zee was manipulative even if Felix didn't relize it, but it's just the little things that make him relize what a relationship is supposed to be when he's with you. You always put him first, have discussion with him instead of fighting like Zee would with him.

Zee also didn't really care about his well-being or his mental health. You learn all his little ticks and his Body language quickly. If he's uncomfortable you'll hold his hand or ask him if he wants to leave. He didn't know how to take all the affection at first because he didn't experience any of that with Zee.

You basically have the 'I don't know what love feels like' and 'well, let me show you' thing going on.

I think all the in-laws would just hit it off immediately. You, Erin, and Tariq would become closer than the actual siblings are. You and Tariq bond over films and stuff since he's a film maker and you're going to film school to be a script writer.

You and Drake don't get along at all. You're a very kind and gentle person and Drake always pokes fun at you and sees how far he can push you. It pissises Filex to no end and he doesn't let anything Drake says slide. “Apologize to my girlfriend, or I’ll rip your tongue out and make you eat it…”

He's very protective and loving towrds you. If you're walking around somewhere together he's holding your hand the whole time. He makes sure to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door and he's not afraid to defend you from his siblings.

Like I said he's very loving, which would be a suprise to some people. He always wants to hug you and kiss you, he's touch starved and doesn't like much space between the two of you.

For the purposes of this fic, the invasion didn't happen.

I think Felix's mom would secretly favor you and Erin the most. Felix and Crispin are secretly mama's boys, Felix is more willing to admit(to you only). I think it would really piss Kelly off, you and Erin are both down to earth people and kind hearted and Felix's mom just really loves that about the two of you.

Felix's mom would also always encourage Felix to propose to you and even wanting to help pay for a ring if you and Felix have money problems.

You guys are always playful around each other, Felix would rather do it behind closed doors but if you start messing with him when family is present he'll play along.

He likes to play wrestl with you. He didn't like doing it with his brothers growing up, because drake would take it too far and Crispin would start whining. With you its just so much more fun.

Sometimes he'll just let you win so he can see you happy. His hands go to your waist after you push him back down on his back, straddling him. “Playing dirty now, huh?”

Playfulness Is new to him in some ways, like I said somthings he just didn't want to do with his siblings growing up. So tickling is one thing, one time you hit a ticklish spot in his side while you were wrestling and now you just take advantage of it.

Physical touch is his love language.

You're his favorite stress reliever, in both comfort and sexual way. Sometimes he just needs to cuddle while you play with his hair or he needs a good, rough fuck. “you want to fuck me? Use me till all your frustration is gone?”

He's a rough kisser, he's way taller than you so usually he holds your chin between his fingers and lift for head up to kiss you.

He also loves forehead kisses, it's just so soft and he loves doing gentle gestures like that to you. It just makes your relationship so much more intimate and real to him.

NSFW headcanons:

He's a soft/mean Dom, it just depends on his mood. But no matter what he always makes sure your comfortable. He loves to take control in the bed but would never push you.

He has a tendency to grip the headboard when he's close to cumming.

He has big chocking kink, he won't be too rough about but he loves wrapping his fingers around your neck and feeling your pulse when he's ramming into you.

Loves eating you out,your legs around his head. He loves your legs in general and loves leaving kisses on the insides of your thighs. He'd rather pleasure you for hours than receive.

You guys are very adventurous in the bedroom. You both have definitely gotten messier than usal before.

“You want it harder, baby?” He'll complied with her request, thrusting deeper and faster, causing the bed to shake with your movements. He let out a low groan as he felt your nails dig into his back.

He'll lap at your clit with so much hunger, circling his tounge over your swollen bud until you're a moaning mess. When he thinks he's teased you enough he'll take it into his mouth, eating you out like a starving man until you're cumming hard on his tongue.

He doesn’t keep quiet. A good amount of teasing, dirty talk and the way he grunts...

there's alot of sex in secret with him at his family's place during family get togethers, they're mostly quickies which aren't his favorite but he's never opposed to it.

Bondage kink. He'll tie you up with his belt or anything if you're comfortable with it.

He loves getting head. I feel like he’d like having you on your knees. Plus, feeling your lips around him pushes him closer to cumming in your mouth.

He'll move his hips fast, thrusting himself deeper down your throat, the way you suck him drives him insane “Fuck, baby, your doing so good”

biting your neck just to hear you moan. When you finally give in to him, he'll lay you down on the couch or bed and start peeling your clothes off to reveal your chest.

Even though he's the dominant person in bed he wants to know you have equal control too, if you don't like how rough or fast he's going he'll stop and check on you and make sure you're okay. All he cares about is your pleasure.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

A Little Secret - Chapter 7

16th January 1987

Charles had caught and saved the love of his life and their unborn child from falling onto the hard and cold floor and tenderly carried her back into the flat, gently placing her on the sofa, while Annabel quickly got a glass of water from the kitchen. "Darling…", he almost begged her, tenderly stroking her forehead and her cheeks. “Please wake up. Everything’s going to be alright, I promise you…” Having said this, a tear fell from his eye right onto her face and eventually made her eyelids twitch. He bent down and placed a soft, loving kiss right on her beautiful lips which finally brought her back to him. “Darling…”, she croaked and looked at him in complete disbelief. “Am I dreaming?”, she whispered and immediately started crying as well once she realised that he was, too. “No, darling.”, he assured her, pressing her hand and kissing it. “You’re not. I’m here with you and I won’t ever leave you alone.”, he vowed sweetly, as Annabel reentered the room with a glass of water  for her sister and a good glass of Scotch for the Prince and herself. “You… you’ve told him?”, she asked, not really reproachful, and Annabel nodded reluctantly. “I’m sorry, Milla. I know it’s not my business, but… Gosh, Charles suddenly showed up and none of us knew where you were and what happened and… I was just so worried!”, she admitted, taking a huge sip of her Scotch. "Don't worry, Bells.", Camilla replied. "I'd have done the same for you." Annabel sighed in relief but then immediately frowned her forehead again. "But, Milla, what… what happened?", she asked and felt a thick lump in her throat, afraid of what her sister might be going to answer. "I…", Camilla stuttered. "I went to a private hospital.”, she said and both Annabel and Charles gasped for breath for a moment. So they’d been right with their assumption and they were both equally curious and scared to hear more. Camilla nervously looked from Annabel to Charles and from Charles to Annabel again and suddenly felt incredibly ashamed. Sighing, she lowered her eyes and insecurely went on with a tearful voice: “I thought it’d be best for all of us.” Charles looked at her like a wounded animal and held her hand so hard that it almost hurt. But she was more than grateful for this closeness and eventually shook her head. “I couldn’t do it.”, she whispered almost inaudibly and immediately started crying again, while Charles heavily signed in relief and bent down to her again, first kissing both her hands and then all over her face affectionately. “Oh, thank God.”, he exclaimed and it almost sounded like a prayer. Annabel quietly sighed in relief as well and decently left the room in order to give them some private moments. Goodness knew when and how she was supposed to get home again but that was a different story. For the moment, she was nothing but relieved and happy that they had made it there in time and that both her sister and her little niece or nephew were alright. Everything else was surely going to fall in place somehow. “Darling, I’m so sorry.”, Camilla started to apologise in a tear-stained voice but Charles determinedly shook his head. “There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for, darling.”, he assured her, kissing her again and looking at her full of love and adoration. He’s loved this woman since the first time he saw her beautiful face all of those years ago but in this very moment he was sure that he’d never loved her more. She was carrying their child under her heart… Their sweet, little baby, the third child that both of them had been longing for so desperately but never got in their respective marriages; theirs was a true love’s child, the sweet product of their deep, great and immortal love for each other… God, it was a miracle.

“Darling, listen, if one of us should be sorry than it’s me.”, he sobbed and tenderly stroked her belly. "I left you all alone with this, I wasn't there for you when you needed me… and I'm so sorry for that. I'll never leave you alone anymore now, darling, don't be afraid. We'll find a way. I'll be there for you. For both of you." At the end of his speech, he carefully placed his head on her belly, still stroking and gently kissing it. Camilla meanwhile was in floods of tears, but she didn't really care anymore. With him, she felt so secure and loved and it was just now that she realised just how hard the last couple of weeks had actually been for her, both emotionally and physically, keeping the secret, not letting anything show, and not to speak of all of the pregnancy symptoms she was suffering from anyway… "So… you're happy?", she asked carefully and a bit disbelieving, but he nodded strongly and fully convinced. "Darling.", he breathed, devotedly locking her eyes. "I've never been happier. I'm so, so grateful that God has given us this little miracle and I can't wait to hold it in my arms. Her." "Her?", Camilla asked, looking at him in confusion. They didn't know the baby's gender yet… ? "Yes, darling, her. I know we'll have a daughter." Camilla chuckled and shook her head. Of course he was wishing for a girl, he had always been dreaming of having a daughter. She herself didn't really have a preference, nor did she have a certain "feeling" like some mum-to-be's reportedly had, she hadn't had that with Tom and Laura either and she was totally fine with the baby's gender to be a surprise. The most important thing was that the little one was healthy. "But what are we going to do?", Camilla asked anxiously and looked at him in uncertain anticipation. "I don't know…", he admitted. "But I promise you we'll find a way. We'll stay here tonight and I'll take you back to Highgrove tomorrow. You can rest while I'm in Bath and then I'll take care of you over the weekend. You must be so exhausted, my poor darling."

He had meanwhile laid down next to her and held her tightly in his arms, watching her facial expression in a mixture of pride, concern and admiration. She was so strong. How could she possibly have carried this burden all alone all of this time? She certainly needed somebody to look after her as well and God knew that wasn’t Andrew. The mere thought of him and how was treating Camilla almost made him sick but he didn’t want to make it about his feelings, tonight; tonight, it should all be about his darling who was very obviously not feeling well at all. “How are you feeling, darling?”, he candidly asked, tenderly running his fingers through her beautiful, golden hair, and Camilla sighed “Oh darling, I've been so terribly sick for weeks and can’t hardly eat anything.”, she sobbed and cuddled up to him a little closer. Usually, she wasn’t one to be snivelling but somehow it felt good to have him looking after her so sweetly. And it was neither a lie nor an exaggeration, in fact, she had lost about ten pounds since she had first found out about her pregnancy. “Have you tried ginger?”, he asked and his serious curiosity almost made her laugh. Of course her sweet little doctor darling had read through all of the pregnancy guide books and, being the hopeless advocate for everything organic he was, he certainly had to suggest something like that. However, she had to admit that she hadn’t tried it yet but promised him to do so on the weekend. "You also need enough folic acids, my darling.", he added, still in that serious manner. "At least 400 micrograms every day. I'll tell the chef at Highgrove to keep that in mind, it's important!" 

About an hour later, Annabel decently sneaked outside and kindly asked Charles’ driver to take her back home which he agreed to do immediately, had the Prince told him he was going to stay the night anyway… In the meantime, the happy couple kept talking for hours, tightly cuddled up to each other, sweetly dreaming of their future as a family of three until they finally fell asleep around midnight…

[limpdickharrington]

1, 15, 22, 27, 41, 63, 76 (Ozzy sucks 👁️👄👁️)

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Equal preference tbh. I can't write short multi-chaptered though, either a 10kish oneshot or a 100k+ monster.

2. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I try to focus a lot on the balance of tenderness and crude reality. I don't know if it actually comes across to the readers, but I guess the intention is to let you forget what is physically happening for a moment, then push you back into the physical realities of sex and vice versa, spelling out the mechanics of what is happening and cutting it off with the emotional journey.

I don't aim for perfect realism if I'm writing a detailed sex scene because, well... what is fiction for if not exploring things you can't/shouldn't do in real life? But I also struggle to both read and write completely unrealistic sex that's either too perfect or too over the top.

When it comes to smut I only write what I wanna read, so I guess I always figure out what gets me hot about a concept, then try to get that across best I can.

3. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I can't do omniscient narrator/fics that change pov randomly, it confuses my brain just reading them, nevermind writing one. I also struggle writing supernatural stuff even in my original work and I'm also not really into omegaverse, though I enjoy the occasional meme/thread.

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Favourite: either when the flow of a new chapter/fic hits and I churn out thousands of words like it's nothing, or when I edit it at the very end and it all comes together.

Least favourite: when I get stuck on something small for 3 months and it gives me a writing block 🙃 Bimmer's done this to me a lot.

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Depends! Usually one-and-done but there are some fics I will go back to. I also reread my own smut a lot skdkfjd but I do write it for me so that makes sense

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

Oh boy.

Too much prep that feels almost mechanical in the way it's done. Safewords for things that don't include cnc. Kink negotiations that are exceedingly mature and educated for the characters and the context. Anal sex being the go-to choice for characters that are inexperienced and sleeping together for the first time.

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of Ozzy sucks?

Several!! Get ready for a long answer (cnc and noncon cw)

- Really wanted to write their first time fucking afterwards, like would it be gentle for Steve to feel like he's taking care of Eddie and making it up to him? Or would Steve want Eddie to take control, top him and dom him to tip the scales in their power dynamic to a point where Steve feels more balanced about it all?

- I kinda wanted Steve to fuck Eddie in the hallway, on the floor, against random furniture in the house, just fucking wreck the place and beat the shit out of each other, but decided it worked better with Steve's intention of "fixing" Eddie and bringing him back into the fold of their relationship to take him to bed. It was never intended to be a particularly rough and violent scene, the tender parts of it are equally important.

- Speaking of tender, I had a second idea of how the scene could go, with Steve being extremely sweet and caring and reassuring through it all until he breaks Eddie with love instead of pain/fear. More of a mindfuck feel to it, where Eddie is disgusted with Steve but also with himself for feeling good. And Steve reassuring him again and again that it's normal for it to feel good, even if it's rape. That it's okay, there's nothing to be ashamed of, it's normal, overwhelming Eddie with tenderness, exhausting him until he's helpless and has to accept it and admit it feels really good.

- Wanted Steve to make Eddie say a lot of embarassing things/things he doesn't mean under the threat of pain. Forcing him to say he's missed his cock, he's been thinking about it all this time, been wanting it so bad. How it feels so good, even while Eddie's bleeding and clearly in pain. That kind of stuff. Kinda regret missing out on Eddie crying and covered in blood while he sobs out how much he loves it.

- Eddie escaping and managing to run halfway across the house covered in blood and piss until Steve catches him 👁️

Anyways, let's just say I really, really wanna write a follow up chapter/oneshot.

[seitmai]

You were certain Tyler wouldn’t be mean about your feelings or make you feel bad, but you were equally certain you weren’t his type. You’d met a fair amount of guys that looked as good as him, and not a single one of them was ever interested in you. You weren’t ashamed of your body, but you weren’t exactly comfortable being the only overweight person in your friend group.

🥺🥺🥺

He noticed you still hadn't met his gaze, a fact he chose to ignore. Instead, he opted to use the moment to his advantage, blue-green eyes sweeping over your form, noting the exposed, soft flesh of your legs. He had twin urges to sink his teeth into your thighs and feel them wrap around his head until he couldn't breathe. He quickly shook the image out of his head before those impure thoughts could make their way below the belt line.

The definition of ogling 🤭

You blanched further. "It's-it's a physiological response--" "To you," he added firmly. "A physiological response to you."

Just a physiological response, sure 🤭

"No--that you want me." Tyler grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them between his. "I am completely certain I want you in every meaning of the word. I would, however, like to start with getting to know you...biblically." You let out a breathy laugh. "I would ask if you're drunk, but I already know the answer." "Sober as a priest, darlin'." "So you're just insane then?"

Urgh I just loved this exchange 😍

He grinned, but you could see a light blush dusting his cheeks even in the dark room. "I, uh--I've read a lot of those books you told me about." "Books I've read?" He nodded. "I had no idea." "Well I knew how much you liked them and I was curious...so I started reading one and I couldn't stop. They actually gave me some ideas for things I'd like to do with you." "I'm not quite sure why that's so hot, but it is. So if you could please kiss me again, I'd appreciate it."

What a declaration of love 🥰 + extremely hot 🤤

His nostrils flared and he balled his hands into fists. "No one has the right to make negative comments on your appearance. No one, including you. I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel like you weren't a fucking prize, but that's their loss. If you don't feel comfortable showing me your body yet, then I won't push you, but I need you to know I want to see every inch of you...so I can worship every inch of you."

"I wanted a better angle." With that, he threw your legs over his shoulders and dove into your pussy.

🤭🤭🤭

After several minutes, your thighs began to burn and your motions slowed. Tyler noticed your energy waning, so he pulled you down flush against his chest and kissed you deeply. He thrust up into you a couple times before flipping you onto your back. "Let me take care of you," he murmured as he began to slowly thrust into you.

He is so sweet and hot at the same time 🥰😮‍💨

"Just appreciating how sweet you are." He smiled. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't think I was just gonna leave you here with this mess." His tone was light, though slightly chastising. "I've never had someone take care of me after sex," you admitted, a soft blush gracing your cheeks.

I just wanna give her a hug 🥺

As you closed your eyes, your foolish brain began to overthink every moment of the night. You wondered if he would regret his choices in the light of day, or if he would want to actually have a real relationship with you. Tyler felt the tension in your body and his grip on you tightened. "Turn your brain off, princess." You inhaled sharply before letting out a soft chuckle. "How'd you know?" "I know you. I can practically hear your brain overthinking," he teased. "Whatever your anxiety says is wrong. I'm in this for the long haul, okay?"

He truly is perfect 🥹

He smiled and handed them to you, but when you stepped closer, you saw the marks on his biceps--crescent moon shaped scabs. "Oh my god," you gasped. "Did I do that?" Tyler's eyes followed your line of sight. "It's not a big deal, princess. They're badges of honor, as all marks from you are." You looked down to where his fingers grazed your skin and realized he was right. A light blush crept up to your cheeks. "I have to admit...I quite like the idea of you marking me." Tyler grinned wolfishly. "Now you know how I feel."

They match each other's freak 😌🤭

Lily made eye contact with you, noting your expression, your's and Tyler's wet hair, and the hold he still had on your hand. A knowing grin spread across her face. "I think I know exactly who used all the hot water."

Hahah I love that Lily just instantly knows 😅

Destination: Motel Feelings

Pairing: Tyler Owens x plus size!reader

Summary: Two friends. One bed. What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: it’s just a whole lot of smut, with a droplet of fluff. Cursing, use of pet names, self-esteem/body image issues. Oral (M & F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), pretty fluffy sex overall.

“At least this motel is cleaner than the last one,” you mumbled as you entered the main lobby.

The motel was small, as most were in bumbfuck, Oklahoma, but it would have to do for the night.

“Who’s bunking with me this round?” Boone asked.

“Dexter’s with you. Dani and Lily are sharing, and then it’s me and Tyler,” you answered.

Since the six of you traveled together regularly, you’d made it a point to rotate sleeping arrangements to make it fair. This week was your week to bunk with Tyler. You always hated when it was just you and him, not because of anything he did, but because of how awkward you felt the entire time.

It wasn’t your fault he was gorgeous and charming and funny and smart…the combination of which made you want him with an unhealthy desperation. He was your favorite person to be around, but never alone. You needed a buffer to keep you from being incredibly awkward, or gods forbid, telling him how you felt.

You were certain Tyler wouldn’t be mean about your feelings or make you feel bad, but you were equally certain you weren’t his type. You’d met a fair amount of guys that looked as good as him, and not a single one of them was ever interested in you. You weren’t ashamed of your body, but you weren’t exactly comfortable being the only overweight person in your friend group.

You'd long since accepted the curves that came with puberty, curves that had only grown as you'd gotten older. Not a single part of you was what you would deem small, other than perhaps your height. You had large boobs and the back pain to accompany them, along with hips and an ass you were convinced could stop traffic. Your stomach had long been your biggest hurdle--and your main point of self-consciousness. Suffice it to say you were soft...and Tyler was very much not.

"You don't sound excited to be sharing a room with me, darlin'," Tyler teased lightly from behind you.

You chuckled in response. "I think I'd sell my kidney to stay in a hotel room without any of you for a week."

The rest of the team laughed while Boone and Dexter stepped up to the counter to check-in. Dani went next, grabbing room keys for her and Lily. The four of them went upstairs to throw their bags down, with a promise to be back in the lobby in 10 minutes for dinner.

You and Tyler smiled at the older woman behind the counter as you gave your name to check-in. The woman frowned slightly as she looked at her computer screen.

"Is everything alright?" Tyler asked gently.

"Well, it seems there was a bit of a mix up," she began. "We actually only have one room available."

"That's fine," you reasoned. "We only need one."

The woman nodded, but her expression still looked mildly uncomfortable. "It's--uh--it's a single."

You froze, contemplating the meaning of her words.

"Is there a couch?" Tyler asked, saving you from the discomfort.

She nodded, a look of relief crossing her face. "There is!"

"Then we'll take it," Tyler said with a smile.

A few minutes later, the two of you had your keys and were on the way upstairs to your room. You unlocked the door and barked out a laugh as you took in the space.

Tyler stepped in behind you and let out a low groan. "That's the couch?"

You laughed harder. "I didn't know they made couches that small. It's comical."

Tyler sighed and tossed his bag onto the freakishly small couch. "It's only for a night, right?"

You winced slightly. "At least two...possibly three."

"Shit," he mumbled.

"Ty, I'm not making you sleep on that tiny thing. You're over 6 feet tall...I don't even think you'll fit."

You both turned your attention to the bed on the other side of the room. Somehow, the queen sized bed looked dauntingly small to you.

"I'll, uh, take the couch," you offered.

"This thing looks like it's older than we are," Tyler muttered. "I wouldn't want my worst enemy sleeping on this thing, let alone you."

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, likely a text from Boone or Lily reminding you about dinner. "We'll figure it out after dinner. I'm starving."

Tyler nodded his agreement and followed you back down to the lobby where the rest of the team was waiting.

**********

By the time dinner was over and you'd said goodnight to the rest of the team, you'd nearly forgotten the predicament awaiting you in your room. Reality smacked you in the face the moment you opened the door and stepped back into the small space, a deep sigh settling in your chest.

"Why don't you get a shower first and I'll figure out how to make this work," Tyler said gently.

You just nodded, not wanting to consider the most logical solution to this particular issue. You grabbed your bag and entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You made quick work of your shower and nighttime preparations, slipping on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of very short shorts.

You stared in the mirror for a moment, lost in a wave of self-consciousness. Every dimple in your thighs was visible, the soft flesh jiggling with your movements. You'd forgotten to throw a pair of pj pants in your bag before leaving home this time, so the shorts were all you had. You sighed, knowing it wasn't gonna get any better than it currently was, so you grabbed your bag and went back out into the room.

Tyler was lying on the floor, a singular blanket and pillow his only form of bedding.

A light laugh accompanied your words as you took in the sight before you. "What the heck are you doing?"

Tyler looked up with an uncomfortable shrug. "Sleeping on the floor. What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're insane," you said lightly. "I don't even want to know how disgusting these floors are...I would much rather sleep on the couch than let you sleep on the floor all night."

"Having sat on the couch already, I can promise you the floor is more comfortable."

You scoffed. "Impossible." You crossed the room and dropped onto the couch with an oomph. "Jesus--this thing is a rock."

Tyler laughed at your obvious discomfort. "I told you. There's no way I'm letting you sleep on that thing. At least one of us needs to get a good night's sleep."

"So why don't you sleep on the bed and I'll sleep on the floor."

Tyler glared at you. "Not happening, sweetheart. My mama raised me better than that."

You rolled your eyes. "No offense, Tyler, but I think you're a little too old to sleep on the floor these days. You're gonna wake up with a slipped disk and a hernia."

His laughter brought a smile to your face. "I'm not that old, (Y/N)."

"Well I'm definitely that old--and I'm a year younger than you."

He smirked as he pulled himself off the floor. "You're taking the bed, you muppet."

Your jaw dropped, a choked laugh escaping your throat. "Did you just call me a muppet?"

"Yes I did and I don't regret it." He grabbed his bag and rushed past you to get to the bathroom before you could find something to throw at him.

"Muppet," you murmured under your breath. "He's the muppet."

"I heard that!"

"Get in the shower, Owens!" you laughingly yelled back.

You unceremoniously dropped onto the bed, a sigh breezing past your lips. You were tired and the thought of having the entire bed to yourself was a pleasant one...until you sat up and looked at the makeshift bed on the cold, hard, unforgiving floor.

You knew there was no way you could let him sleep on the floor. While the comments about his age had been a joke, you were both in your 30s now and sleeping wrong could genuinely fuck you up for days. You absolutely couldn't make him sleep on the damn floor.

You glanced at the empty bed beside you and groaned. Sharing a bed with Tyler ranked very highly on your list of most horrifying situations. There was a high probability you would actually combust from embarrassment alone. What if you did something weird in your sleep? What if you kicked him or pushed him out of the bed? What if you accidentally tried to cuddle with him? You would die of mortification.

While you were contemplating all the ways this could go horribly wrong, Tyler came out from the bathroom clad in his boxers and a scandalously tight white t-shirt. You bit your lip, looking away from him hurriedly. You could feel the blush heating your cheeks and you prayed he wouldn't notice.

You cleared your throat quietly before gesturing to the bed beside you. You couldn't quite meet his gaze as you said, "You're not sleeping on the floor, so you might as well take half the bed."

Tyler raised his eyebrows even though he knew you weren't looking his way. "You sure, sweetheart? I don't wanna impose."

You shrugged. "We're adults, Ty. I think we can manage to share a bed for a couple nights without making it weird."

He noticed you still hadn't met his gaze, a fact he chose to ignore. Instead, he opted to use the moment to his advantage, blue-green eyes sweeping over your form, noting the exposed, soft flesh of your legs. He had twin urges to sink his teeth into your thighs and feel them wrap around his head until he couldn't breathe. He quickly shook the image out of his head before those impure thoughts could make their way below the belt line.

"We can put a pillow in the middle if you want," he offered sweetly.

"The bed is a little small for that--besides, we only have three pillows on this damn bed and I'm using two of them."

Tyler chuckled as he scooped up his pillow from the floor and placed it beside yours. He lowered himself onto the bed, feeling the mattress dip with his weight. "Why do you get two pillows and I only get one?"

"Because you like to sleep as flat as possible like some sort of psychopath."

Tyler laughed heartily, his grin widening as he took in the small smile gracing your face. "A psychopath?"

"Retaliation for calling me a muppet."

He laughed again, smacking you gently with his pillow. The action earned him a glare, followed by a slow, teasing smirk. His mind went blank as you finally made eye contact with him. Your pupils swallowed up nearly all of your irises thanks to the dim lighting and the singular lamp on his bedside table cast the prettiest glow on your skin. The only thought that crossed his mind was the word 'radiant'.

He swallowed thickly, forcing the word back down his throat before he could blurt it out. You'd never once given him an indication you felt the same way he did, and the last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable.

"Alright, weirdo. Turn off that light so we can go to sleep," you murmured, breaking the spell of the moment.

Tyler did as you asked before settling more comfortably into the bed. You laid on your side, back to him, and he felt the urge to run his fingers through your hair--yet another urge he immediately suppressed.

He rolled over so his back was to you and let out a soft sigh. He had to admit he was tired, but being in the same bed with you and not touching you was almost painful, enough so that he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep.

"Goodnight, Tyler," you whispered softly, keeping your eyes trained on the wall, even though you desperately wanted to look at him one more time.

"Goodnight, (Y/N/N)." He paused. "Just do me one favor."

"Hmm?"

"Keep your icy ass feet away from me."

You laughed, swinging your leg back to plant your foot against his bare calf. He swore and nearly jumped at the sensation.

"They're like icicles!"

You giggled. "They're not that bad you drama queen."

He rolled over enough to glare at your back. "That's drama king to you."

You shot a matching glare over your shoulder before you both burst out laughing. You swatted his arm affectionately, trying not to marvel at the firm muscles beneath your palm. "Go to sleep."

He smiled as he faced away again. "Goodnight, icicle."

He heard your breathy laugh as you murmured, "Goodnight, drama king."

**********

The exhaustion must have kicked in at some point because you could barely remember falling asleep when you awoke in the middle of the night. It took you several moments to orient yourself, having forgotten where you were.

In those moments before lucidity settled in, you could feel a radiating heat at your back and you instinctively curled into it, pressing against something very firm.

Then you felt it--breath gently blowing against your neck, something heavy draped across your middle, and someone's very large body pressed against you from head to foot.

Tyler. His name slammed into your brain, pushing you firmly into wide-awake territory. You quickly realized it was his body wrapped around yours, his breath caressing your neck, his arm holding you tightly against him.

You laid there, utterly frozen, as you contemplated what to do. His grip on you was surprisingly firm, preventing you from simply rolling out of his grasp, and there wasn't much room on your side of the bed to escape to anyway.

Somewhere in Tyler's subconscious, he must have felt the shift in your body and the urge to ease your tension was one he couldn't ignore even in his dreaming state.

His grip on you tightened even more, pulling you back against his chest. He pressed forward into you and you shifted slightly in an attempt to distance yourself. In doing so, you wiggled your ass right against his semi-hard member, eliciting a soft groan from Tyler's lips.

With absolute horror, you felt him start to harden even more, the urge to melt into the floor growing with each moment. You didn't want him to wake up and be mortified, so you tried to move away from him without waking him.

Your movements stirred him into awareness, the current situation coming into focus as he awoke. You felt the moment Tyler woke up fully, his body going rigid against yours before rolling away from you with shocking speed.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, (Y/N)," he muttered in embarrassment. "I-I didn't mean--shit. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you murmured, trying to diffuse the situation. "You were sleeping--it happens."

He groaned and rubbed his face wearily. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

His voice was low and pained, the tone making your chest ache. "You didn't. It's alright." You reached out a hand to brush against his arm. "Hey...look at me."

His body remained tense beneath your fingers. "Ty," you urged.

He finally turned to look at you and he found himself surprised at your open expression. You didn't look angry or upset, in fact, if he didn't know better, he'd say you looked intrigued.

"No more apologizing," you ordered when he opened his mouth with a clear apology on his lips. "I didn't mind."

Your eyes widened as you realized what you'd just admitted, a bright pink blush quickly deepening your skin.

Emboldened by your words, Tyler leaned towards you slightly. "Which part? Me holding you? Or my obvious physical attraction to you?"

You exhaled sharply. "Your what?"

Tyler's eyes scanned your face and he was certain he saw a whole lot more than intrigue written there--he'd even say it was desire. "Oh come on princess. You felt my reaction..."

You blanched further. "It's-it's a physiological response--"

"To you," he added firmly. "A physiological response to you."

Your mouth opened and closed in an embarrassing representation of a fish before you finally pushed out one word, "Me?"

Tyler smirked, looking around the room. "You're the only one here, sweetheart."

You looked down at yourself before looking back at him, repeating the motion twice before you sputtered, "You-you. No--you...no way. You can't."

He smiled at your fumbled words. "I can and I do. I've never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do."

"Physically?" you gasped in disbelief.

He chuckled. "Physically and emotionally, actually."

Your draw dropped further. "What?"

Tyler stood up and moved to your side of the bed, kneeling down in front of you. "Let me make this very explicitly clear, (Y/N). Yes, I find you attractive. Yes, I want you. Yes, I think you're incredible. No, I don't just wanna fuck. Yes, I want to be with you."

You stared at him in silence for a long moment. "Am I dreaming?" you whispered.

He shook his head and gently brushed a thumb against your outer thigh. "We're both wide awake, baby."

"Are you sure?"

He chuckled. "That we're awake? Very."

"No--that you want me."

Tyler grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them between his. "I am completely certain I want you in every meaning of the word. I would, however, like to start with getting to know you...biblically."

You let out a breathy laugh. "I would ask if you're drunk, but I already know the answer."

"Sober as a priest, darlin'."

"So you're just insane then?"

He cocked his head to the side. "I've never felt more sane in my life. I've wanted you since the day you walked into my life, (Y/N). Only way I'm walking away now is if you tell me you don't feel the same."

You stared at him, a look of confused wonder on your face. Never did you think Tyler Owens would be saying this to you...but here he was, literally on his knees, telling you everything you've wanted to hear for so long.

"Of course I feel the same," you said softly. "How could I not?"

He smiled as he slowly pulled himself up, but instead of rising to his full height, he began to slowly crawl onto the bed, forcing you to lay down to accommodate him.

He stopped once you were fully trapped beneath him, lips so close you could feel his warm breath. "Stop me if this isn't what you want," he whispered.

You lifted your head to close the gap between you, lips pressing firmly against his. He groaned into the kiss, immediately deepening it.

You slid your tongue along the seam of his lips, silently begging him to let you in. He obliged, tongue meeting yours with fervent passion. He tangled his fingers into your hair with one hand, while the other slipped under your shirt to gently rub at your hips.

You were inclined to allow him to kiss you until you passed out from lack of oxygen, but he finally pulled away just enough to suck down a lungful of air.

"If I'd known kissing you felt like that, I would have done this years ago," he murmured.

You chuckled breathlessly. "I haven't been kissed like that in a long time--perhaps ever, if I'm honest."

"Then allow me to make a promise. I will kiss you like that every day for the rest of your life."

You gasped. "That's...a rather intense commitment, Ty."

"Five years, (Y/N)."

"I'm gonna die in five years?"

Tyler chuckled and shook his head. "God I hope not. I meant, I have wanted to do that for five years...so no, it's not as big of a commitment as you'd think. I'd think of it more as an honor."

You stared at him in silence for a moment. "Who taught you to talk like that?"

He grinned, but you could see a light blush dusting his cheeks even in the dark room. "I, uh--I've read a lot of those books you told me about."

"Books I've read?"

He nodded.

"I had no idea."

"Well I knew how much you liked them and I was curious...so I started reading one and I couldn't stop. They actually gave me some ideas for things I'd like to do with you."

"I'm not quite sure why that's so hot, but it is. So if you could please kiss me again, I'd appreciate it."

Tyler grinned, leaning down to press his lips to yours. You sighed into the kiss and pulled him even closer to you, desperate to feel as much of him as you could.

He felt the same way, right hand sliding farther up your side under your shirt, exposing more of your flesh as he went.

His thumb brushed the underside of your breast and he groaned into the kiss as he realized it meant you'd forgone a bra. He moved his hand to properly cup your breast, kneading the supple flesh before brushing a thumb over your peaked nipple.

You gasped softly and you reached for the hem of his shirt to tug it off. He allowed you to remove it and proceeded to reach for yours. A wave of self-consciousness hit you and you grabbed his wrists to stop him from lifting it further.

"Maybe we keep it on?" you said softly.

He looked confused. "Why?"

You didn't answer right away. You didn't want to admit to the feelings of self-doubt or acknowledge your body image issues, but you also didn't like the idea of being fully exposed to him. Especially now that you could see exactly how well-sculpted he was.

His eyes scanned your face, looking for an answer to his question. You weren't making eye contact with him, but you weren't telling him to stop, which only added to his growing confusion.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No!" you said quickly. "I just--I don't..."

The confusion on his face was almost endearing. He wanted to see you, touch you, kiss you...and he couldn't understand why you didn't want him to.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he whispered.

You shook your head immediately. "It's not you at all, Tyler. It's me."

He frowned. "I don't understand."

You let out an exasperated sigh, realizing you really would have to be straightforward. "I don't really like the way I look without clothes on." Your voice was low, barely a whisper, but he still heard every word.

Realization hit him like an EF5 tornado. "Who made you feel that way?"

The harsh tone of his voice surprised you, so much so that you finally made eye contact with him again. His eyes were dark and there was a hint of simmering anger in them.

When you didn't answer, he asked again. "Who made you feel like you weren't beautiful?"

You exhaled slowly. "Do you want a list?"

His nostrils flared and he balled his hands into fists. "No one has the right to make negative comments on your appearance. No one, including you. I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel like you weren't a fucking prize, but that's their loss. If you don't feel comfortable showing me your body yet, then I won't push you, but I need you to know I want to see every inch of you...so I can worship every inch of you."

Your lips parted in surprise as you let his words sink in. There was no hint of deception in his voice or his gaze, and it gave you a surge of much-needed confidence.

You sat up just enough to pull your shirt up and over your head before letting your back hit the sheets. Your pulse was racing, breathing ragged, and you couldn't quite make yourself look at him.

Tyler was silent as he beheld your exposed torso, gaze sweeping appreciatively over every dip and curve, mentally marking every spot he wanted to spend extra time on.

He finally looked back up at your face, noticing instantly that your eyes were trained on the ceiling. "Baby. Look at me."

The dominance in his voice, while gentle, left no room for argument. You met his adoring gaze and the last dredges of worry left your body, taking the tension along with it.

He watched your body relax and a small smile formed on his lips. He leaned forward so he hovered over you once more and murmured, "You are absolutely exquisite."

With those four words, you melted, becoming a pliable instrument to his will. He kissed you softly before beginning his descent down your jaw, your neck, to your collarbone, and finally to your breasts.

"I think I'll stop here for a while," he mumbled against your soft skin.

You let out a breathy chuckle as you slid your fingers into his hair. He was true to his word, not a single inch of skin left untouched by either his mouth or hands.

The growing need for him was starting to become more prominent, the slick gathering between your thighs almost to an embarrassing level. As much as you were enjoying the attention he paid to your breasts, you needed to feel him elsewhere.

Before you could voice the need, Tyler continued his descent down your stomach, kissing every little mark he found. He reveled in the feeling of softness beneath his hands, wanting nothing more than to touch your body forever.

"Tyler," you whimpered, need evident in your voice.

He chuckled against your skin. "So impatient."

You squirmed slightly, desperate for some form of friction, a need he, himself, was also feeling. He hooked his fingers in the sides of your shorts and you lifted your hips to allow him to remove the last scrap of fabric from your body.

The sound that slipped past Tyler's lips could only be described as a growl. "That tiny bit of fabric was all that was between me and all of this?"

You nodded, unable to speak as he slipped a finger between your folds to collect your slick. He brought the finger to his mouth and sucked it clean, moaning softly at your taste.

"I knew you would be delicious."

He dropped to his knees off the edge of the bed, then grabbed your hips and tugged you towards him. A squeal of surprise escaped you, which brought a smirk to his lips.

"I wanted a better angle." With that, he threw your legs over his shoulders and dove into your pussy.

Your moans immediately drowned out any of the other sounds in the room, and even the ambient noise from outside. Tyler was incredibly skilled with his mouth, even more than you'd always imagined.

His tongue swirled your clit as he slipped one finger into you, gently curling it against the soft, spongey spot that made your toes curl. Your hips jacked off the bed in response, causing him to drape an arm across your abdomen to hold you in place.

"More, Tyler," you begged.

He grinned and added another finger, increasing the pace of the thrusts and his ministrations on your clit. Your hands clawed at the sheets as you neared your peak, desperate pleas to not stop mixed with your moans of pleasure.

Tyler, of course, did not stop. He wanted you to cum as much as you wanted it. He could feel how close you were, your pussy was squeezing his fingers so tightly it was becoming harder to move them. You kept trying to move your hips to grind on his face for even more friction, but he held you in place.

With a final flick of his tongue, you fell over the edge, waves of pleasure filling your senses. Tyler didn't stop until your moans turned to soft whimpers and you squirmed away from him.

He crawled back onto the bed, watching you as you came down from your high. He was certain you'd never looked more beautiful. When he said as much, you blushed deeply and averted your gaze.

"Oh come on, princess. Don't get all shy on me now."

You giggled lightly and looked at him again. He looked so damn good it was nearly offensive. You reached for his boxers with a murmured, "May I?"

Instead of answering, he stood up and removed his boxers quickly. You bit your lip at the sight of his very large member. The man gave off big dick energy, so you really shouldn't have been surprised.

You licked your lips absentmindedly as you looked at him. You pulled yourself up into a sitting position and flicked your gaze to his face. He was surprised by the hunger evident in your expression and he suddenly felt his need for you intensify.

He took a step towards you as if to crawl back on top of you, but you shook your head. "Lie down," you commanded softly.

The look in your eyes had him obeying immediately. As soon as he'd laid down, you climbed onto him, straddling his thigh. Your soft hand wrapped firmly around his cock and you began to stroke him slowly, earning soft sounds of enjoyment from him.

You smirked as you took in his expression, pleasure evident on his face. You lowered yourself, taking him into your mouth with a soft moan of your own. His hand was instantly in your hair, grip tightening as you started moving.

You swirled your tongue around his head before sucking tightly. You relaxed your throat and continued to take more of him into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. Anything your mouth couldn't take, your hand pleasured.

His moans spurred you on and guided your motions. You picked up on the subtle things that seemed to provide him more pleasure and you focused on those. Your own enjoyment was evident in the moans you made around his cock and the way you occasionally rubbed your pussy against his thigh, desperately seeking some relief.

Tyler could feel his orgasm fast approaching, but he wasn't ready to cum yet. With a strong tug on your hair, he lifted your head off his cock. You whined in annoyance, a small pout on your face when you met his gaze.

"Sorry, baby, but I'd like this to last."

Your expression softened and you shifted your body to straddle his hips. You leaned forward to kiss him deeply. He met your lips hungrily, teeth nipping at your bottom lip before his tongue delved into your mouth.

You gently brushed your pussy against his cock, eliciting needy moans from both of you.

"I don't think I can wait any longer," Tyler murmured.

"Me neither," you admitted. You sat back up, an odd expression he couldn't name on your face.

"You alright, sugar?"

You bit your lip. "Could I...could I ride you?"

A wide grin spread across Tyler's face. "'Course you can."

You weren't accustomed to being on top, but it was something you really wanted to try with him. You gripped his cock and slowly lowered yourself down onto him, gasps and whimpers leaving your lips as you took all of him.

Tyler's grip on your hips tightened, a low groan leaving his throat as he watched his cock disappear inside you. You shook slightly, so he rubbed soothing circles into your hips and whispered, "Just relax, baby. I've got you."

You nodded and took a deep breath, allowing your body time to adjust to his considerable size. You placed your hands against his chest, using them for leverage as you lifted yourself up and dropped back down onto his cock.

The sensation was incredible...and the control was utterly intoxicating. You started to move faster, spurred on by the way his fingers dug into your flesh and the sounds of pleasure escaping his parted lips.

After several minutes, your thighs began to burn and your motions slowed. Tyler noticed your energy waning, so he pulled you down flush against his chest and kissed you deeply. He thrust up into you a couple times before flipping you onto your back.

"Let me take care of you," he murmured as he began to slowly thrust into you.

His movements were slow and calculated, leaving you utterly breathless. Your nails scrapped along his shoulders and back, moans slipping past your lips with each thrust. "Tyler..." you whimpered.

He nipped at your collarbone in response to his name, the sound coming from your lips was easily the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

He pulled himself up onto his knees, tugging both of your legs up to rest against his chest. The new position elevated your hips at just the right angle for each thrust to press firmly against your sweet spot.

The chorus of broken moans coming from you mixed with the sounds your mingled bodies made to create the most intoxicating symphony Tyler'd ever heard.

There was not a single thought in your head other than the overwhelming pleasure you were on the receiving end of. You were lost in it--in him. Your nails dug roughly into his biceps as you clung to him with all your strength.

Gasps of his name left you, along with desperate pleas to keep going. Tyler pushed past the pain in his arms as you drew blood, his sole focus on making sure you reached your peak. He watched your face contort in pleasure, chest heaving, eyes closed, moans dripping from your open mouth.

"Look at me," he whispered.

Your eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to focus on his blue-green ones. The moment your eyes met, you fell apart with a fractured scream of his name. The muscles of your core clenched tightly around him, forcing him to a slower pace.

Tyler watched you in awe, utterly enraptured by the sheer magnitude of the moment. Your legs shook as he took them in his hands and gently lowered them back to the bed.

Your hands had fallen from his arms, but you now reached for him. "Ty."

He leaned forward, placing both his palms on the bed beside your head, caging you beneath him once again. His thrusts had slowed considerably, but you knew he needed his own release. You could see it in the tension lining his jaw and the desperation in his eyes.

You nipped his jaw affectionately, earning a low chuckle from him. "I want you to cum inside me," you murmured.

A deep growl rumbled in his chest at your words. His pace immediately picked back up, now chasing his own release. "You feel incredible, baby."

You sighed sweetly, fingers touching his tanned skin and tangling in his hair. "So do you."

His moans mixed with pants of your name, and he dug one hand into the hair at the nape of your neck, clinging to you desperately. "I can't get enough of you. So perfect for me."

You moaned softly at his words, loving the praise coming from him. You could tell he was close as his thrusts became more erratic.

You pressed kisses to his jaw and the column of his throat before whispering, "Cum for me, Tyler. Please, baby, I need it."

Tyler groaned loudly, hips stuttering as he spilled his seed deep inside you. He moaned your name against your lips, thrusts slowing to nothing. He kissed your jaw before collapsing on top of you, heavy pants leaving his mouth.

You kissed the top of his head and rubbed your fingers soothingly over his back. You could feel some of the marks you'd left on his skin, a slight embarrassment sinking into you.

"You were incredible," he murmured against your skin. "So much better than I'd imagined...and I've imagined it a lot."

You giggled lightly at his admission. "I might have imagined it once or twice myself."

He lifted his head to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "And? Did I meet your expectations?"

"No," you said honestly, a small smile on your face. You saw his smirk fade slightly as you moved closer. "You exceeded them."

The tension in his face eased to a genuine smile. He pressed his lips against yours in a sweet kiss that still managed to make your toes curl.

Tyler slowly lifted himself off you, softening cock sliding out of you along with your mixed spends. You let out a soft whimper, which earned you a sweet smile and a loving kiss.

"I'm coming right back, princess. Just wanna clean up."

You watched him walk away to the bathroom, leaving you to wonder if you should try and get up too. After all, you needed cleaned up just as badly as he did.

He saved you from having to make that decision when he came back moments later with a warm washcloth. Your expression softened considerably when you realized he'd brought it for you.

"What's that face for?" he asked softly.

"Just appreciating how sweet you are."

He smiled. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't think I was just gonna leave you here with this mess." His tone was light, though slightly chastising.

"I've never had someone take care of me after sex," you admitted, a soft blush gracing your cheeks.

Tyler looked surprised as he slowly began to clean you up. "Clearly you've been sleeping with the wrong men."

You chuckled softly, even as you winced from the over-stimulation between your legs. "Looks like I made the right choice this time."

Tyler made sure you were completely clean and dry before responding. "I think we both did."

Your eyes brightened with emotion and you reached for him in a silent plea. He tossed the rag behind him towards the bathroom before crawling back into bed.

He grabbed you firmly, pulling you into his chest. You curled up against him, head resting against the muscle of his pectoral. You felt him brush his fingers down your arm, the movement affectionate and possessive.

You kissed his chest, a small sigh leaving your lips as you settled in. You felt the exhaustion coming to claim you and you could tell by Tyler's even breathing that it was coming for him too.

As you closed your eyes, your foolish brain began to overthink every moment of the night. You wondered if he would regret his choices in the light of day, or if he would want to actually have a real relationship with you.

Tyler felt the tension in your body and his grip on you tightened. "Turn your brain off, princess."

You inhaled sharply before letting out a soft chuckle. "How'd you know?"

"I know you. I can practically hear your brain overthinking," he teased. "Whatever your anxiety says is wrong. I'm in this for the long haul, okay?"

You exhaled heavily as if releasing all those negative thoughts. "I love you, Tyler," you whispered so softly he had to strain to hear.

His heart skipped a beat and a slow smile spread across his face. He nuzzled into your hair, his grip on your soft body tightening. "I love you too, princess."

The soft words of affection were the last you shared before falling asleep in each other's arms.

**********

The morning light shining in through the windows woke you, a groan of annoyance leaving you as you tried to block out the light.

Tyler's responding grumble sent shivers through your body, making you curl in closer to him. You felt his lips graze your forehead, as he said in a voice heavy with sleep, "Mornin', darlin'."

"Don't wanna," you groused.

Tyler chuckled lightly. "I know baby, but we gotta."

"Five more minutes."

He kissed your forehead again before untangling himself from you. "I'll give you ten. I'm gonna jump in the shower."

You whimpered as his warmth left you, but you quickly rolled over into the spot he'd just vacated. You sighed softly as you curled up, the residual heat from his body warming you.

He chuckled again and thought to himself that he could get used to this--waking up beside you. You looked even more beautiful in the morning light and he found himself excited to tell everyone he came across that you were his. He kissed you one last time before going to shower.

You heard the shower turn on and you debated the merits of joining him. You didn't want to get out of the warm bed, but you also knew you had to. A nice hot shower with the man of your dreams did sound rather enticing.

You groaned as you pulled yourself out of bed on slightly unstable legs. You slowly made your way to the bathroom, slipping in quietly. You could see Tyler's outline behind the glass, his back to you as he reached for his body wash.

You crossed the short distance, opening the shower door and stepping inside. "Mind if I join you?"

Tyler turned to you with a grin. "I'd love it, actually."

You reached a hand out for the body wash and washcloth he held. "Let me."

He smiled and handed them to you, but when you stepped closer, you saw the marks on his biceps--crescent moon shaped scabs. "Oh my god," you gasped. "Did I do that?"

Tyler's eyes followed your line of sight. "It's not a big deal, princess. They're badges of honor, as all marks from you are."

You bit your lip, clearly unconvinced.

"Baby." His voice was stern enough you immediately turned your attention to his face. "I'm okay. I promise."

You relaxed, the clear calm in his expression easing your worry. "Okay."

He grabbed your hips and tugged you towards him, a little smile on his face. "Besides, you've got a nice bite mark on that pretty collarbone of yours...and some finger shaped bruises on these sexy hips."

You looked down to where his fingers grazed your skin and realized he was right. A light blush crept up to your cheeks. "I have to admit...I quite like the idea of you marking me."

Tyler grinned wolfishly. "Now you know how I feel."

You giggled softly, allowing him to press his body more firmly against you, lips seeking yours for a gentle kiss.

When he attempted to deepen the kiss, you gently pushed him back. "We need to actually bathe, remember? The team's expecting us for breakfast soon."

He groaned. "They can wait."

"Tyler!" you yelped when he pulled you back in, pressing a warm kiss to your lips.

You could feel his cock begin to harden against your abdomen, his hands roaming your body like he wanted to memorize it. You sighed softly as he gently messaged your skin, your need for him growing with each passing moment.

"Come on, princess. Let me make you feel good," he begged against your ear, fingers dangerously close to your core.

"Please," you whimpered.

Tyler grinned, nipping at your earlobe, then your pulse point, focusing there as his fingers dipped into your dripping pussy. A soft moan of pleasure left your lips, head tilting back to lean against the cool tiles.

"I'm thinking we might just skip breakfast all together," Tyler murmured.

You laughed breathily, grabbing his face to plant another kiss to his swollen lips. "I think I'm okay with that."

Tyler spent the next 45 minutes making you moan his name as he gave you overwhelming pleasure. He also used up all the hot water in the entire motel, which you discovered when the two of you finally made it out of your room to meet the rest of the team.

"Dude, I had to take a freezing cold shower," Boone was grumbling as you and Tyler walked downstairs.

"Me too!" Dani chimed in. "Someone must have used all the hot water."

A sheepish smile graced your face as you overheard their conversation. Tyler let out a quiet chuckle, hand squeezing yours gently.

Lily made eye contact with you, noting your expression, your's and Tyler's wet hair, and the hold he still had on your hand. A knowing grin spread across her face. "I think I know exactly who used all the hot water."

[afrustratedmom]

I Hate Being A Mom Most Days

My stepson and oldest daughter had a day off from school today which meant there were 3 kids (including a baby) in the tiny apartment today.

My stepson has behavioral issues and was a nightmare today. He constantly whines about EVERYTHING even if it's just to tell you he's getting a drink of water. He threw tantrum after tantrum, out of anger hit my daughter in the face, and constantly lied accusing his stepsister of throwing things, taking things, or drawing on the walls. Basically all of things HE was doing. His highs are excessively high and he is on an 11 when he's that high but within 30 minutes his low are depression like lows. These ups and downs happen all day long every 20-45 minutes. I hate that I feel this way about my own stepson but he is an absolutely insufferable child. My oldest daughter felt the need to constantly touch me and get as equally loud as her stepbrother. Both of them spent all day screaming and running around and touching everything. My youngest, the baby, just cried, and cried, and cried some more. So I spent my day off cleaning and having to deal with 3 children, completely overwhelmed by the noise and touched out. Somehow, some way, my partner doesn't understand why I hate family time. As a mother, I feel forced to want to be around my family, to express to the entire world how much I love being a mom. Every day it feels like work, most days I fucking hate it, and a few of those days does it ever feel worth it. I'm a mom with 3 kids under 5 and I hate it. I feel absolutely miserable about it. I'm stressed out at work only to have to come home and be just as equally stressed out. I hate it here. I hate that this is my life. Is this an extremely unpopular opinion? Yes. Do a lot of women feel this way and are too ashamed to admit it? Yes. Am I going to say it anyways? Also yes. Signed, A Frustrated Mom at Her Wits Fucking End

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

1,7 👀

Thanks for the ask anon!

1. Who are your three favourite characters, and why?

First two that I can't decide over the other are Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, so they are always first and second depending on who I focus on more that day.

Wei Wuxian because I think thematically and in personality he is very appealing as our main protagonist. And I definitely can't think of having this same book if it weren't for his determination and his innate nature for wanting to do what is right. His want for others to want comfort and a good life as well is just a very humble wish and rather amazing despite he himself admitting the many opportunities he could have taken to meet hurt and harm equally. There are accusations of his hypocrisy from fandom and within the book, but he is one of the only ones that does say "It is fair of you to hate me for what I have done to you intentionally or not" but, he doesn't allow this to martyr him, he does not dislike himself or is insecure with himself for that since he realized he could have as he wanted as soon as he was comfortable with Jiang Fengmian. A naturally good person does not push for more insatiably and constantly when they are content. And he is a show of that, it makes others want more for him in his place. I think of a character is able to invoke that sort of yearning as a complete stranger for the audience, it's done it's job as a narrative.

Lan Wangji, to me he has the best and consistent character arc that follows the way he has to bridge what he knows and sees as morally right, with the way he was taught and learned. It's a difficult middle ground to come to terms to, especially when you are raised in such a traditionally strict environment and are told one way is the right way to live and be. Human feelings aren't always easy and trying to come to terms that they are okay and not something to be ashamed of, is a hard lesson to learn as you grow. Discipline and kindness can coincide and can be used to nourish others as long as you first and foremost remember to love and exhibit that care. He is able to grow into that resolve of wanting good for others and choosing to also teach that to others in his quiet way. He is able to make peace with his own self and his determination for the choices he decides to follow through with. It's an admirable thing to be steady in your choices no matter what.

Jiang Cheng, I can write a lot about him, but I'm salty at fandom today. So fuck that. He is my shitty blorbo raccoon that deserves to be served crap on a plate and to be roadkill only.

7. Is there any fanon character interpretation that really bothers you, and if so, why?

Oh, there is plenty....

But since this is asking for a specific one, I suppose my biggest one is forever and always a Wei Wuxian who doesn't think he is "good enough or deserving" of love. It's frankly bullshit as he very openly takes the affection that is given to him with not one lick of hesitation or guilt once he is given it. It's there with Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji. He meets their love as ardently as he can since they equally and unreservedly give it. He is not a waif craving and holding himself back once it's there and given openly, why WOULD he keep his own confidence and indulgence of that back? He isn't at all worried about his own talents and what he thinks of his own abilities, as he says, he is arrogant enough to have thought of himself as a big fucking deal and said that to anyone hearing. That's not the words of someone who sees no worth in themselves or for others to ever get that idea themselves. His confidence is large, and in a sense partially what got him into the messes that it did at times, but it's not like those fails ever knocked it down, just made it stronger and wiser. He'll see someone willing and wanting to spoil him shamelessly, he'll also shamelessly go "Hell yeah" and indulge them both to hearts content. Even with a larger sense of guilt within CQL, this is still just as apparent as soon and Lan Wangji shelters him safely

[slashbitch2]

The Very Nosy Neighbour

this fic was 100% inspired by this one here , but I mean it practically wrote itself I couldn't resist

NSFW

You can't remember much past waking up in an unfamiliar room- though 'room' is really a sugarcoated description, as in reality it qualifies more as some kind of cavern. You're sitting in a chair, ankles and wrists bound by an indistinguishable material. Whatever the binds are made of feels strong, so any attempts to struggle against it are futile. Yet, in spite of what really should be an extremely stressful situation, you find yourself completely relaxed. You briefly wonder whether you've been drugged, but with every sense feeling fully operational, that theory is soon dismissed.

Instead of choosing a more logical response to the circumstances you've found yourself in, you decided to focus more on your surroundings: not to form any resemblance of an escape plan, but simply out of curiosity. Although, the investigation is equally as ineffective. You're unable to name anything around you except for stone walls, strange (glowing?) vines and weird symbols carved above a few archways. Everything beyond that is either entirely lost to you, or shrouded in darkness.

With little else to do, you start to think back on the events that led you there, trying to glean any useful information from the blurry memories. The clearest image, therefore the most recent, is the smirking face of a woman, Agnes you realise. Though the malicious glint in her eyes doesn't quite match your perception of the nosy neighbour. But where is she now? Is she also in danger? You may not have known Agnes for very long, but are reluctant to let any harm come to her regardless.

With a clearer head, you consider calling for help, but a small voice at the back of your subconscious warns you against this. And the voice sounds smart, so you elect to listen to it. But what should you do instead? Where did this voice come from? And most importantly, should you trust it? Luckily, you aren't given much time to overthink the decision.

While trying to tune into this voice, footsteps echo in the distance, gradually drawing nearer. You hold your breath as the sound suddenly stops, leaving your eyes scanning the vicinity for any movement. The unpleasant reality dawns on you all too quickly: the footsteps were approaching from behind you.

“Well, well, well.” Someone says playfully, then snorts as they start walking closer. "Sorry to be a total cliché. I couldn't resist." It's Agnes. She narrows her eyes and smirks, folding her arms as she examines your constrained form. Subjected to her scrutiny, you find yourself swallowing, but your throat is too dry. Other small discomforts also become noticeable; your cramped limbs, aching back and the bruises on your hands. Well at least you put up a fight. The more rational part of you, however, realises that your hands are no longer bound. You stare down at them, flexing each finger as if checking they were all still fully functional.

Something suddenly knocks into your head and you grimace. Left reeling from the impact, you realise that you're slightly nauseated. Though not enough to stop you from reaching out to grasp the floating cup of water. The fact that the glass is suspended in mid-air doesn't go unnoticed, rather ignored, since there's too much happening simultaneously to comprehend any of it in sufficient detail. You swirl the liquid round, hesitant to drink, unwilling to trust your captor's apparent mercy.

"Drink up, dear." Agnes drags a chair forward, which seems to have just appeared out of thin air. She sits backwards on it, legs spread and arms resting on the back casually. "That's all you're getting until we're done here." The tone of her voice is both threatening and teasing. You're reluctant to admit it's quite a turn on.

One glance up at her prying expression and you relent, downing the chilled water way too quickly. Though you aren't given a chance to mourn your impatience, as with an effortless wave of her hand, Agnes refills the glass. While you sip at the water, she refuses to tear her eyes away from you for even a second. It's slightly disconcerting.

“Now," She claps her hands, startling you. "I assume you know why you’re here?”

“Not really.” You confess, unable to pinpoint why anyone would go to so much effort to kidnap you, especially Agnes, who up to this point had been an eccentric yet kind neighbour.

She sighs, more for show than anything else, and rubs at her temple. "Come on Y/N, let's not play dumb now."

Embarrassingly, a heat begins to pool deep in your gut, but you quickly dismiss the unwarranted lust. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh really?" She quirks an eyebrow, sitting upright. "You really have no idea?" The inquiry is ridiculing, and you can see that your naivety is starting to annoy her.

All you can do is shake your head and pray the sincerity is reflected in your eyes.

"Okay." She slams her hands down on her thighs. "I guess we'll have to go about this the hard way then, toots." A sharp gesture and your hands are bound before you once again.

By the time you're looking up, she's striding toward you with purpose, which does nothing to ease the building heat between your legs. Her hands clasp on the armrests either side, essentially trapping you, not like escape would've been possible without the extra precaution. Up close you finally recognize this isn't Agnes- in fact it never has been. There's a feral yet wise appearance to her, the facade of nosy neighbour dissolved in an instance to be replaced by a deranged, frighteningly powerful woman (or witch, you're undecided).

Despite your better judgement, you're unable to stop yourself from asking. "Who are you?" Your voice barely breaches a whisper, but she's standing close enough that nothing less intimate is required.

She looks mildly impressed, the corner of her mouth twitching almost indiscernibly. "Agatha Harkness." She extends a hand, smirking upon realisation that you're a little too tied up at the minute to reciprocate. "Lovely to meet you."

You swallow again, finding your throat to be a little less dry. "Likewise." Then decide to take another risk. "So what do you want from me?"

“Wanda's true identity.” She replies so quickly that you almost miss it, looking at you with an eagerly expectant expression.

Agatha's question confuses you further. “I don’t know what you mean.” Although your answer is honest, something at the back of your mind hisses lies.

"There's no need to lie here." Her patient humour had disappeared. "Trust me, no one will hear you, so drop the act."

For some unbeknown reason, her accusation angers you. "I'm not putting on an act, I don't know why I'm here or what you want from me." The bravery dissipates all of a sudden as you remember that you're not exactly in the position to command such authority. "Please, stop this."

Agatha purses her lips, stands up and turns away from you. She calmly moves forwards a few paces, and in the short amount of time you manage to convince yourself that she's given up. Until in a completely unprovoked move, she swings her hands to the left, sending her chair crashing into the wall in frustration. Whether this is part of her interrogation performance or not, it works. Your heart starts racing, and confusingly, the awkward heat between your legs pulses.

She runs a hand through her hair, still facing away from you. "Don't make this any harder harder than it needs to be." You can practically hear her grinding her teeth, but don't doubt that she was getting some enjoyment out of the situation.

"I can tell you that Wanda is my sister and only real family, that I moved to Westview with her and that I couldn't live without her." You start listing off some basic facts, desperate to prove to Agatha that nothing is hidden. That you're normal.

"What about your brother?" She swivels round, clicking her fingers as she tries to recall something. "Pietro!" She exclaims.

"Pietro..." You falter. Why does the name sound so familiar? The nausea worsens. You shake off the feeling. "Never heard of him."

“Liar.” In one swift movement, Agatha is right by your ear. The feeling of her lips brushing against your skin causes you to close your eyes. The close proximity was becoming overwhelming, and your body had chosen to react in a rather unfortunate way. Admittedly, you'd always had a thing for Agnes, but Agatha was on a whole other level. You dreaded to open your eyes, worried that she'd noticed your current state. Instead, you internally begged for mercy.

“Don't go all shy on me now.” She pushes your shoulder into the chair, compelling you to open your eyes. "If you don't want to talk, I have other methods." Her hand raises, a purple flow emanating from the tips of her fingers. It crackles and sparks, as if the power was barely contained, yet as she shifts closer to brush the hair out of your face, you don't flinch. One finger remained touching your forehead, then traced down to your jaw, and finally along to grasp your chin.

While the vaguely sinister movement terrified you, it also forced you hold your breath and grip onto the armrests for dear life. Why you'd decided this was hot was beyond you considering the many connotations of her words, yet your thighs pressed tighter together as she drew closer. You attempted to turn your head to the side, longing for distraction, but her hold on you kept your head still.

"This won't be much fun for you, dear." She sighed in mock pity, her breath hot against your skin... Which just tipped you over the edge. As hard as you tried to stifle the noise, a broken moan escaped your lips. You'd definitely hit a low point here. Too ashamed to face your apparent arousal, you screwed your eyes shut. Although, at Agatha's silence, you relented and opened them barely a minute later.

To your relief, or perhaps dismay, the woman was grinning like a maniac. Her eyes flickered down to your parted lips as she chewed on her own. Then carefully, as if she were testing the waters, her fingers began to rub against your jaw, and upwards to your mouth. Your breath deceives you by hitching as her thumb slips between your lips, stroking your tongue. At the contact, you can't help but arch into the touch. Agatha chuckles.

"I take it back." She murmurs, removing her hand. "This will be fun." Although the intimidation factor prevails, there's a certain desire mirrored in Agatha's expression which cancels out any remaining common sense. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, and even if you wanted to, there was little you could do to stop her. So, you give into your yearning, sighing as she climbs to sit on your lap. Immediately, her hand switches to gripping the back of your neck as she slams her mouth onto yours. You willingly indulge by opening further, allowing her tongue to slide between your lips. Her other hand lowers to grab at your chest, like she were trying to tug herself impossibly closer.

Without removing her lips, the hand massaging your chest shifts to your thigh. She still keeps her lips firmly pressed to yours, and with the lack of oxygen, you can feel yourself growing lightheaded. It almost feels like a challenge, one which you're determined to succeed at. Though when she eventually does break away, her hand suddenly slips between your thighs, and your breath is stolen from you once more. Wasting no time, she massages you through your clothes, dragging out an inevitable whine. The touch is both too much, and not enough. But judging by her malevolent smirk, that was exactly her intention.

Even though you were currently incapable of producing any reasonable thought, you still noticed that Agatha wasn't entirely unaffected. Her breathing was laboured, hips occasionally jerking against your thigh and eyes struggling to stay open. The influence you were having on her only encouraged you to moan louder, craving to see her equally dishevelled. Your plan seemed to momentarily fail as her hand retreated. But you'd certainly earned her attention.

She licks her lips, then abruptly changes her expression to look disturbingly like that of Agnes. "You wouldn't leave me out of the fun now, would you dear?" Her voice is high pitched as she basically sings her words. Although the question must've been rhetorical as doesn't await a response, instead you find your hands unbound, flung behind your back and bound together all in a matter of seconds. Then, she shifted her position, yanking your bodies closer so that your crotches were pressed together. She grunts, heaving forward to rest against you for a moment and regain her composure. And finally, without warning, starts to grind your hips together.

It doesn't take long for her movement to become more frantic, accompanied by her hair spilling onto her face. She remains impressively quiet, however, or perhaps you were just comparably loud. With the little pride you have left, you decide to take matters into your own hands, and start meeting each thrust with equal vigour. Miraculously, it works. She throws her head back with a remarkably loud moan, proceeded by change in strategy as she starts almost bouncing on top of you, hips losing their rhythm, pleasure overwhelming her. Startled by her lack of self-control, the heat in your stomach begins building exponentially fast. Your eyes slam shut.

A hand grasps onto your face. “Look at me!” She growls, then emphasises her demand by rolling her hips torturously slowly. The movement ceases. She leans her forehead against yours, staring directly into your eyes. “Come with me.” To your surprise, there's an audible plea in her voice.

At a loss for words, you nod. The pleasure had been building for so long that you knew it'd only take a few more grinds to push you over the edge. With your confirmation, Agatha resumes her thrusting, though soon succumbs, throwing her head back and uttering an exceptionally loud, high-pitched moan. She arches her back, pressing herself so far into you that the pleasure peaks. You groan, lurching backwards in a moment of pure bliss. All you can feel is Agatha, all you can think about is Agatha. Coming down from the high, you sigh and collapse forward to bury your face in the crook of her neck.

She tenses slightly at the contact, but soon relaxes into the strange embrace. You gently press your lips against her skin and feel her shiver, confirming your suspicion that it'd been a while since Agatha had received such affection. Motivated by a new, more innocent desire, you continue to pepper light kisses across her throat and behind her ear, simply enjoying the unexpectedly intimate moment.

Agatha finally breaks the silence, leaning away from your touch to look down at you curiously. "Wanda really has you under her mind control too, huh?"

Although still stuck in a post-coital haze, you muster enough brainpower to consider her words. "Mind control?"

"Oh, right." She smirks, a slight sadness perceptible in her eyes. "Forgot to mention." Before you can say anything, she swings one leg to the side, stiffly sliding off your lap and clasping her hands together. "You might want to reconsider where your loyalties lie, dear." She glances at you, then ambles to the opposite side of the room. "That's one fucked up family situation right there." Her voice teasingly calls out.

You feel yourself flush, strangely offended by her comment, and annoyed by her vagueness. "Like you can talk." Your response is a total shot in the dark, but must've hit a nerve since she slowly turns back to you, a suspicious expression upon her face. "Just a guess." You add, unwilling to know the details of whatever sensitive topic you'd just touched upon. Agatha easily shrugs it off, leaving behind a stifling silence. Eventually, it's a mixture of your own boredom and concern that prompts you to end the lull in conversation. "Are you still planning on interrogating me about something I know nothing about?"

"Oh, no I read your mind." She waves a dismissive hand over her shoulder. "Got all I needed."

Again, you're left suffocating in the confusion her ambiguity provokes, with nothing else to ask except. "How...?"

The inquiry must've been exactly what Agatha wanted to hear as she immediately dropped what she was doing to turn around and lean on the wall, arms folded in a casually smug pose. "Sex leaves you vulnerable." She smirked. "All I did was take advantage of the opportunity- but I'll spare you the boring details." With a flourish of her hand and a flash of purple, the binds holding your ankles and wrists disappeared. "You can go now. First door on the left."

Without sparing you another glance, she busied herself with some witchy task, allowing you to see yourself out. Massaging your wrists, you stood slowly, watching her expectantly. Surely she wouldn't just let you leave? Yet as you sauntered over to the door she'd directed you to, she made no move to stop you. "Bye then?"

Agatha looked up at you and winked. "See you around, neighbour."

[musebluebird]

She raised her brows at his words before leaning over the table to look at the papers. It was a mess to say the least. If it wasn't for the company logo on the trim, she wouldn't have believe him. It made no sense for those financial statements to belong to the company. Her uncle had tried to sink the ship and it seemed like he had done everything in his power to do so. "Firstly, may I remind you that you signed certain papers that prevent you from talking about this with anyone other than me?" And by 'anyone' she meant especially his family, especially his father. It wasn't that the old man scared Skylar but maybe it was necessary to clarify to James that he couldn't even ask anyone for advice on the matter. It was just the two of them and that was it. Contract was pretty clear on that.

"Second, give me some bloody credit, if I had anything to do with this it wouldn't look so sloppy or obvious, you know I'm smarter than this." If she had anything to do with it, to start with she would have delayed the marriage as long as possible until the situation was unrecoverable and above all, she wouldn't have been so stupid to do it with James on the other side, Sky knew better than to underestimate him.

She took a deep breath before continuing "Third, as much as you'd love for me to be the one to blame, we both know there's only one person responsible for this" Her uncle. He must had something to do with all that, what had the board of directors said about it? They had to know about it too. Skylar had been playing the cat and mouse game with her uncle for a long time. She chose not to work for the family business for a reason she kept to herself "Knowing him, he did everything he could to destroy everything so the family legacy would end with him" and for Skylar to be blamed for any failure of the company. Normally she would never let something like that go unnoticed but getting involved in the company meant entering into an armed war with her uncle. She preferred to hide, she was ashamed of even thinking about it but Sky had done better being the mouse and hiding than being the cat. There were battles she had already decided to lose. All that was left was to make sure her husband fought her battles for her. A coward but a smart one she guessed.

"And knowing you, that's only going to happen over your dead body cause, James? If there's one thing I know about you it's that you like to lose as much as I do." She shrugged as if to downplay the matter. Skylar was trying to manipulate him into wanting to take matters into his own hands as much as she did. Making him see that they were both on the same team there and that she wasn't his enemy, at least not about this "I guess you don't need me to tell you, you need to fix this before it goes public or worse, before it's time to make the annually financial statements public, investors are going to run away if they see this and the board, you need to find out if they were aware of this and then fire them, because if they didn't know, at best they're incompetent, at worst they're as guilty as my uncle" James and she spoke the same language when it came to finances, at least she knew that he was a self-centered idiot but he was capable of solving a crisis of that size in equal measures.

And then, reality hit her like a bucket of cold water. A small, big detail. In order for him to do everything she had just mentioned, James would need to be there personally. "We'll have to move." She nodded, putting the papers aside and leaning back in her chair. "Or maybe you can go I can stay here." But deep down Skylar knew it would never work out, two newlyweds willing to enter into a long distance relationship just a week after saying 'I do.' That was not going to be possible, not really, they would both have to move "This is a mess" She sighed. Skylar was not willing to go back to Europe and all that meant to be back there. She was better at running. She was also too coward to admit she was scared.

Oddly enough, James welcomed the silence that came after he made that comment. He was well aware what he said, but he was not above a ridiculous comment to regain his peace and quiet. It wasn't until she spoke up once again that James got the sense that he had caused a prick of pain. And for a moment, he felt a pang of guilt for his abrasiveness. Still, not something he was going to back down out of. One thing that characterized him and his siblings was their stubbornness, something that usually developed into their inability to admit when they're wrong. So, instead, he looked up from his desk as she got up from the chair. "Lunch break? And, here I thought you controlled your own schedule." James rolled his eyes, nodding in agreement. It was what he had suggested earlier. What was the point in spending hours planning something they both were in disagreement over? Planning a marriage he dreaded sounded like the worst way to spend his evenings. "Great, wedding planner is the best course of action. You keep throwing the kill thing around, you better hope I don't drop dead before reaching the altar." Well, at least she still agreed to see him there. James wasn't sure how it'd go if he told his father she flat out refused marriage.

Once James took the time to process this marriage as the merger it would eventually be for both families, he was perfectly fine. It was good business, and he was confident in his abilities to drive the company forward. His brother had been committed to their family's empire, and his sister would eventually get her head in the game. The Greys were secure, and that thought comforted him. Honestly, honestly? He might've actually enjoyed the reception a bit, when he ignored the drawback to this situation - Skylar. It was a bit weird, sure, for the few words exchanged between them to be their vows and I do promise, but they had said too much at their last meeting. They had already laid everything out on the table, what more could they spat at each other? She kept her distance, and kept their conversation to a minimum. He was fine, at least he wasn't hearing constant complaints of how he planned this entire scheme.

The wedding was stunning, at least she had a good eye for wedding planners. He had even heard it was considered one of the weddings of the year, two for the Greys. Great, one point for Skylar. The wedding planner had reached out a few times with the dumbest requests, which color for whatever. Who cared, just pick one. Aren't you the expert? Admittedly, he contributed nothing but his presence. Though James supposed that his parents had a say here and there. He could see glimpses of their touch.

He had no plans to come into her family's office building. Shortly after the wedding, he had been given access to the company files, and knew he had a lot of work to do to catch up. Still, he preferred to keep his distance and continue using his office at his family's building. After all, he'd see more than enough of her at home. But, just the beginning of his review, he already had more questions and one that he really wished his wife wouldn't confirm. Walking into her office, he rolled his eyes at her first comment. "Cut the crap Skylar." Did she really think this was a social visit of some sort, that he was actually demented enough to make his way here? He came in with a file, printed versions of the files he had received access to. "This is not a social visit. Help me? Yeah, I'd hope so. Care to explain why your family's finances are shot? All that shit you talked about old money, and your family is in the red? Cute. What's your game here - trying to dupe my family into marriage? Use our money to rescue your company?"

[highflyerwings]

I don't know if you still accept asks about My Name but I can't think of anyone else to talk about Choi Mujin.

I was thinking about him and Donghoon (and I do this pretty often) I just have a hard time understanding how Mujin could bring himself to kill his best friend.. Like how heavy he must feel in his heart. How heartbroken he became, maybe shocked, perplexed, when he found that voice recorder in his lighter. (I wonder how many years it had been since Donghoon gave it to him). But what always brings tears to my eyes is how he brought himself to kill his 10-12 years' friend, like how much pain he felt when he pulled that trigger.. Donghoon obviously wasn't just a friend to him. I fucking hate it now. I'm sorry for ranting on but those two brings so much pain to my heart alot these days. Ok I shut up, bye

Obviously in terms of reactions, Mujin's was pretty...drastic, by normal standards.

But by Mujin standards, it was pretty par for the course to be honest.

I've said it before, but I think loyalty was Mujin's love language. It's what he offered those he loved, but he expected the very same in return. Now, did he ever communicate this? No. Did he expect those around him to just...know (because it's Mujin, and Mujin has his code, and his standards, and his ways, and everyone should just fucking know???)? Yes.

Was he correct for any of this? Again, no. But let's look at it from Mujin's perspective.

If you've lived your life by the code of "loyalty above all," and you uphold that without remorse, without question, every single time; if you live a life focused on "the job," where maybe personal relationships (romantic or otherwise) are a rarity (if not an entirely foreign concept); when you finally find yourself with a friend -- and a Best Friend, at that -- someone who has risen above all else to find a place in your heart that sets them apart from "the job" and the life you've lived for years, that attachment can be...disastrous.

So here's Mujin. Thee Choi Mujin. We know him. We can see him. He's a dramatic bitch. And that's not even me being hyperbolic. He is just that dramatic. Canonically speaking. Mujin is the dark and mysterious villain with...maybe not a heart of gold, but a heart at the very least. He's got depth.

So this angsty, twisted man finally finds himself with a friend. Maybe his very first real friend he's had his entire life. And maybe he didn't even realize how attached he was until the day he found that tracking device in his lighter. Maybe he'd never admitted it to himself. Because he's Mujin. He doesn't get attached. He doesn't "like" people. He has a reputation to uphold. But Donghoon got him.

And I hate to say Mujin's reaction implied that he was romantically in love with Donghoon. Because romantic love doesn't equal "deeper" love. So looking at it from either perspective -- romantic or platonic -- the way Mujin reacted was dramatic, but it kept in line with his code.

The only other time we've seen Mujin as off the rails unhinged as he when he discovered the tracking device Donghoon put in his lighter, was when he saw Taeju's dead body. Both times he'd been betrayed. Jiwoo betrayed him by killing Taeju; Donghoon betrayed him by...being Not Donghoon.

Think about it. You're the leader of a drug cartel. You've spent the better part of your adult life running a literal drug ring. You're smart, and competent, and you've built a reputation on those grounds, and you've been running this business under very strict guidelines since you've taken over. So not only has This Person cracked your defenses -- they've wormed their way into your heart in a way no one else ever has -- but suddenly. SUDDENLY. You discover that, not only are they a cop (the literal enemy), but that they've been lying to you -- about EVERYTHING -- from day fucking one.

You're ashamed. You're embarrassed. You're hurt. You're fucking livid. How dare this happen. How dare they do this to you. How fucking dare. So you're a dramatic bitch about it. You break into his apartment and ransack his shit. You search for the very thing you know you're going to find, but dread discovering. You pray you won't find it. You pray, and you pray, and you pray, to whatever deity is listening. You beg that you're going insane, there's no way, there's no fucking way, this can't be happening, this isn't real, and then you find it. You find the proof that This Person has been lying. This Person is not who they said they were. This Person is suddenly not that person. They're a stranger. They're...who. Who the fuck.

So Mujin's code of "loyalty above all" takes over, and he's more angry than he's ever been in his entire life, and as Taeju says, "Hyungnim always kills traitors personally." So what other option is there? What's Mujin to do? He only knows One Way, and unfortunately that way is intensified under these circumstances, and he finds himself faced with the very real likelihood that he has to kill his best friend. He has to kill this person. He has to. He literally has no other option, simply because he's never afforded himself the luxury of having an option. There are no "options" in this life. There's action and reaction. And the only reaction Mujin has ever found necessary is revenge.

So he's a jealous lover. He's jilted. He's angry in the same way he is when business partners screw him over. But this isn't a business partner. This is Donghoon. But he only knows how to handle this in one specific way, so that's what he does. His immediate reaction is to kill the traitor, and maybe he's more impulsive about it than he normally would be. We've seen him take out business traitors. He's methodical, and calculated. But with Donghoon...that was impulsive. That was personal.

So yes. Mujin was hurting when he pulled that trigger. That was the most pain he'd been in his entire life. Then he heard Jiwoo's voice behind the door, crying for her father. The daughter Mujin never knew Donghoon had. The person Donghoon had been running off to all this time, not the lover Mujin had imagined. So now he's more confused, and he's immediately sick, and he's hurt, and he's guilty, and he's all the worse things he's ever felt, and it's only because he has a heart through all of this, that we get the Mujin that we meet.

Mujin reacted in the only way he knew how. He stayed true to his code. But it ended up killing him in the end. Killing Donghoon broke Mujin. He was broken before he ever met Jiwoo, before he ever lost control of his life, and his business, before he lost Taeju. He was broken the second he pulled that trigger.

[nedlittle]

top five fast food places

you know i don't really eat a whole lot of fast food aside from tim hortons, which isn't so much a choice as a microchip implanted in my brain. however chinese kfc did ruin regular north american kfc for me forever so instead we are doing top 5 things from chinese kfc that i think about daily

peking dragon twister. the most loving relationship i've ever had in my life is probably with the dragon chicken twister. she's perfect. chicken, scallion, cucumbers, and duck sauce wrapped up in a tortilla. there were multiple occasions where i had a dragon twister for lunch, then got another dragon for dinner (from a different kfc of course). i am a little ashamed to admit this but given the state of my brain in 2020, the fact that i was consuming food at all has to count for something

mashed potatoes. the best mashed potatoes i've ever had in my life. they come with gravy. my friends did not believe me when i told them the mashed potatoes are good and i got to watch them experience mashed potato euphoria in real time. a good side for a dragon twister combo, but as a treat

tea eggs. you could swamp this & mashed potato around, they're both equally good. once i ordered 4 tea eggs and a beverage and that was my entire order

egg tarts. one of my coworkers was dead set on these being the best egg tarts in shanghai and while i do not agree (the pastry doesn't have enough integrity) i respect that opinion

i vividly remember an assortment of crayfish-themed foods (including a wrap) during crayfish season but the only image i can find is this monstrosity which i'm pretty sure i did eat. yes it is a taco made out of chicken

bonus points to the grapefruit mojito that was out at the same time over for the summer if only for the comedic value in the possibility of rolling up to kfc and getting a mojito before my 8:45 am class. i did not because i have standards and also do not drink but god i was TEMPTED

[13shadesofanni]

~ Rachel, Tim and Lucy ~

I can't stop thinking of Lucy’s abduction, Tim's feelings for her at that time and shortly before, and floating like a fog all over this: Rachel. Don't get me wrong, I like Rachel as a role but I absolutely dislike her as Tim's love interest. So, soothing my mind, I rewatched some episodes from round about s2x6 to s2x11 and this is what happened... the train of thoughts is even speeding up the pace.

You remember the missile alert in s2x6?

Lucy and Tim were on patrol when the alert came in and shortly after, rode back to the precinct. Rachel was already waiting there for Tim and begged him to stay with her in the precinct. But Tim refused, mentioning he had to fulfill his duty and go on patrol with Lucy, to help the citizens etc.

You can say Tim is very decent, dutiful, always giving his best, especially in the line of duty. But when facing the end of the world??? ...You know what, facing the end of the world I'd tell my boss that I'm done, leaving as fast as possible to get to see my loved ones - no matter what it costs!

Before Lucy’s abduction there're some scenes that show: he wasn't to deep into the Rachel thing: yes, at first you'd think "He spent the night with Rachel, so what's the problem?"

One thing is, he lost his bet with Lucy, ok - done. But he acts so ashamed, so caught red-handed, the glance at Lucy saying: "You???? I especially didn't want YOU to see me like this, here."

And there is another scene with the three of them. Look at Tim's body language here: nooo, he's not standing next to his girlfriend, wishing her a happy birthday. He gives her one brief smile, a short "happy birthday" and stands full height next to Lucy (personal space????), arms nearly touching, but about 1m far away from girlfriend Rachel with crossed arms in her direction. Ok ok, they're at the precinct, kissing etc. was not an option. But wasn't it an option to stand in the middle/right next to both of the girls instead of crawling nearly into Lucy? Unconsciously, Tim and Lucy act like a wall in front of Rachel, two against one...

On shift again, riding in the shop, Lucy brings the buying a present theme again. She's so proud and happy, nearly bursting of anticipation to get a present, her smile and lavishly voice lightning and filling up the whole shop - because that's her thing: caring for others, creating very personal presents, surprising people she values a lot.

Tim doesn't seem to be interested to get any present at all. (And yes, you can say men aren't the best gift givers in the world. But for their girl, the one they've fallen for deeply, they'd buy something...at least flowers or a cake or whatever.) ...the glance he gives Lucy in the shop is a longer one, equally full of longing (for Lucy) and didn't know what to do, being her T.O., pushing his real feelings apart, not admitting to himself this isn't about a girl called..... ähm, Rachel!? .... no, it's his heart whispering quietly in Lucy’s direction: "Honey, YOU have no idea what you're doing to me... I'm losing my mind when I'm near you, but I need you to feel alive, to be seen, to feel complete.." and she doesn't even recognize his look at her 🥺

At that day and the following (till the abduction) Tim wasn't able to hold back, reducing personal space to the lowest...

All in all, to me it seems like Tim wasn't happy to have "that something with Rachel". Perhaps he thought people expected him to be in a stable relationship, furthermore not being too young anymore. But it didn't hit him, it was physically, and he put a minimum on effort in it. Probably he tried to fool himself.

Because his heart and mind were already secretly overwhelmed and dying for Lucy. Would you've asked him at that time, of course he would've denied everything regarding Lucy. You know, lines to never be crossed while being T.O. and rookie....

But from time to time you experience things in life you don't have a word for, at first. And the best is: you don't have to have a word for it, for only to feel this..

The feeling catches you, you shiver, you can't get your mind straight, your heart is beating, persistently, you feel it pumping the blood through your veins, you inhale.... you exhale, your throat getting dryer and dryer, your cheeks are burning, your eyes soaking up the impressions in front of you, the warmth spreading through your body, you forget your name..., you struggle to speak, you only want - more of this... please don't stop... the.world.is.standing.still.

You're falling in love, right here, right now... 💗

At that point it just wasn't meant to be their time, Y E T. 💫

Tell me what you think 😉