#i love the lalondes can you tell

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

TT: I went to the store with my mom and said I wanted the lesbian candle. TT: She looked at me and said, and I quote; MOM: u have enouhg lesbian shit already how bout getitng a gf for once thag's pretty lesiban to me TT: During pride month, too. Like, Mom???

TT: Can you guys stop rebubbling my worst moment ever?

[homuku]

finally did this

[cucumber-icepop]

Rosemary Month Day 9: Rain

I want to say "another quick sketch" but this actually took me like 40 minutes. Rose loves the rain, Kanaya doesn't really like it that much.

[chimericalconfinement]

i know i said im inactive but here's a roxy because they're silly

[yaoirotic]

okay fine I’ll post more doodles.

[tricycleclownfreak]

Rose is so right jade does look good in green

[thewertsearch]

I guess everyone is reacting to their parents' deaths in this arc. Dave's relationship with Bro has always been a little... complicated, so this should be a very interesting conversation.

TG: oh my fucking god […] TG: we just got done talking and agreed it would be awesome if you didnt bother me for a while […] GC: OH GC: TH4TS R1GHT GC: 1 FORGOT! TG: it was five seconds ago

Girl, get your damn timelines in order!

GC: D1D YOU LOV3 H1M D4V3? TG: no

I believe you.

There's something about the Strider brothers which I noticed a while ago, but haven't had the opportunity to talk about. This is the perfect moment to discuss it, though, because it explains a lot about why Dave is the way he is.

So - let's talk about the Strife fights.

When John first attacked his father with a hammer, I decided to roll with the assumption that this fight was symbolic, rather than literal. John loves his dad, and it can be safely assumed that he doesn't want to kill the guy.

Instead, this scene serves as a stand in for the familial strife between father and son. John finds his father's parenting style to be mildly frustrating, and their interactions sometimes feel like a fight to him.

Likewise, Rose (probably) isn’t actually going for Mom with those needles. Instead, their fight represents Mom’s 'ironic' negligence, and the gifts that Rose refuses to believe are from the heart. The Lalonde relationship is clearly more fraught than the Egbert one, but I don't think Rose actually wants to skewer Ms Lalonde.

Jade doesn't really fight her Grandpa, but their Strife clearly demonstrated how deeply in-denial she is - not about his death, but about the fact that her life isn't normal. She's desperately trying to have the same childhood that John and Rose are describing, but she can't, because she doesn't have a parent to bicker with.

Now, I'm sure you've guessed where I'm going with this. What, exactly, did Dave's Strife scenes represent?

Well...

...first of all, it's worth noting that Dave is the only Player to explicitly describe the events of his Strife to a third party. We've never heard John reminiscing about bludgeoning Dad, but Dave's constantly complaining about getting beaten up by puppets.

And - rather more worryingly - Dave is the only Player to retain his Strife injuries, even after this ostensibly 'metaphorical' fight is over.

In fact, one of those Strife injuries still marks him to this day.

The point I am obviously dancing around is that I don't think Dave's Strife was a metaphor at all. Unlike his friends, there's no pretense to these fights. They're literal. Dave's brother routinely attacked him.

Odds are, this was Bro's way of 'preparing' Dave for the game he surely knew was coming - but you don't need me to tell you that he took it way too far. The guy might have been Dave's assigned Guardian, but he really shouldn't have been raising anyone.

[tgcg]

fond regards

… OKAY? AND WHO IS SAYING THAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

I -- ACTUALLY, WHO THE HELL JUST TOLD ME THIS INFORMATION? I'M COMPLETELY ALONE RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU SEEING THAT?

ARE YOU WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW? BASK IN THIS OVERWHELMING PRESENCE OF NEGATIVE SPACE. THE ABSOLUTE ABSENCE OF AIR SURROUNDING ME.

THERE IS FUCK ALL. NOT A THING.

NOT EVEN SOME KIND OF SEATING APPARATUS FOR ME TO STAGE THIS INTERVENTION FOR YOU ON. I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO "RAW DOG" IT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK DAVE WOULD DESCRIBE THIS AS.

I -- I MEAN… FIRST OF ALL. SHIT.

THANKS, I GUESS… FOR DOING THAT?

LOVING ME.

WHATEVER YOUR VERSION OF "LOVE" IS.

OKAY, ENOUGH BULLSHIT.

… LOOK. I DON'T KNOW WHO IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS RECEIVING THIS MESSAGE. NOR THROUGH WHAT KIND OF TENTH-DIMENSIONAL IMAGE PROCESSING PLATFORM OR WHATEVER-THE-SHIT DEVICE IT IS BEING DELIVERED.

AND FRANKLY I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF A FUCKING WEEK ALREADY TO BE DEALING WITH SOME POSSIBLY HIGHER LEVEL OF BEING THAT JUST "LOVES ME".

I WAS FLYING WAY PAST THE THRESHOLD FOR BEING ABLE TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT EXISTENTIALISM BY TUESDAY AT THE LATEST.

SO SURE, THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN.

BUT IF YOU'RE STILL LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU'D CALL A "PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP", ASSUMING YOUR UNIVERSE HAS ANY CAPACITY FOR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS BEYOND BASELESS QUOTE-ENQUOTE "LOVE" OF THOROUGHLY UNLOVABLE INDIVIDUALS. HONESTLY, NOT A GOOD SIGN THAT YOU CHOSE ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO HEAR THIS, BY THE WAY! THIS IS NOT A GREAT LOOK FOR YOUR SUPPOSED NTH-DIMENSIONAL GODLINESS!

THE FIRST THING A TROLL WOULD FEEL TOWARDS YOU RIGHT NOW IS PITY. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.

AND THERE'S NOTHING PARASOCIAL ABOUT THAT WHATSOEVER, BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE'RE NOW MUTUALLY AWARE OF EACH OTHER.

I LEARNED ALL ABOUT PARASOCIAL BULLSHIT FROM ROSE WHEN I WAS TELLING HER ABOUT TROLL WILL SMITH, SO I'VE BEGRUDGINGLY BECOME KIND OF A MASTER ON THE TOPIC.

WAIT, FUCK. DOES THAT MEAN YOU AREN'T BEING PARASOCIAL TOWARDS ME ANYMORE? HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU BEFORE IT STARTS JUST BEING A REGULAR RELATIONSHIP? WHAT ARE THE BOUNDARIES HERE.

DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA BY THE WAY. I DON'T HAVE A PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH TROLL WILL SMITH OR ANYTHING. THAT WAS JUST A CLASSIC LALONDE "MASSIVE ILLOGICAL REACH IN CONJECTURE THAT IS COMPLETELY OFF-BASE AND GENERALLY ONLY DONE TO MAKE FUN OF YOU IN A SNIDE AND INSUFFERABLE WAY, INEVITABLY LEADING INTO AN HOUR-LONG DIATRIBE ON PSYCHOSOCIAL DEVELOPMENT DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY TO FUCK WITH YOU".

SHE JUST DOESN'T GET IT. HE'S COOL AS FUCK AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! THE AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT THE DERSE HUMANS CAN EXTRAPOLATE FROM THE SIMPLEST OF SPONGEDEAD NOTIONS IS MIND-BOGGLING TO ME. IT'S AS INCREDIBLE AS IT IS MONUMENTALLY FUCKING AGGRAVATING.

ANYWAYS, SINCE WE'RE APPARENTLY IN THE REALM OF SHARING COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED SENTIMENTS WITH PEOPLE WHO POSSIBLY DON'T EVEN EXIST, I HAVE SOME ADVICE FOR YOU: IMPROVE YOUR STANDARDS. MAYBE LOOKING INSIDE YOUR OWN DIMENSION WOULD BE A GOOD START. AND I'D SUGGEST SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WASTE HIS TIME TALKING TO THIN FUCKING AIR IN VAST WHITE EXPANSES LIKE THIS ONE.

JUST A THOUGHT.

JEGUS, TALKING TO NOTHING IS HARD. I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST SPUTTERING COMPLETE INANE GARBAGE IN CIRCLES LIKE A DELIRIOUS WRIGGLER HERE. IS THIS HOW DAVE FEELS ALL THE TIME? THIS IS HORRIBLE.

WHERE'S THE EXIT?

[weirdmageddon]

dave saw how jade reacted to the impaled crow and thought “oh shit shes sensitive to seeing death”

and because he cares about her took care of these in advance from then on; he thought to himself “ok i will keep that in mind so she doesnt basically flip the fuck out”

and then she saw a dead doomed dave, one he hadn’t intended on her being able to see

and that was the one she messaged him about

but the entire time dave was having that conversation with her he knew that in a little while that when hunting for frogs jack would appear and they’d battle and she’d wind up accidentally shooting him to death and have to kiss his corpse to wake him up on derse.

and he can’t tell her that because if he did, he Knows she would prevent it from happening, dragging them into a doomed timeline because its not supposed to go any other way

and he was probably thinking “oh my fucking god. poor jade” especially because seeing him dead was the reason she messaged him like that all freaked out

which is why he said that really cryptic but causality-free thing to her in advance

right after that conversation with dave, jade created jadesprite in the hopes that she’d have becs powers and could go fight jack which quickly deteriorated but yeah this

“anyone you loved” and follows that sentence up by refering to dave specifically.. WAHHHHHH

also i wanna analyze that:

i know love can mean different things, whether friendship or romantic but its clear that she thinks fondly of him at the very least if she felt the need to namedrop dave specifically

as for another person she loves and was killed by jack, there was her brother john (a platonic/friendship/familial love of course) but i dont think she saw jack kill john up-close because her dream self was dead at that point so she couldnt see it happen in the clouds from where she was on lofaf. jade was awake on lofaf when the incinisphere lit up with the quest bed ascension twinklies, and she didn’t even have the spectagoggles yet when john ascended so she couldnt see his corpse anyway. john’s corpse was on lowas and his dream self on skaia became god tier. so jade didn’t see john die directly.

that conversation she had with jadesprite also happened before jade saw dad egbert and mom lalonde killed by jack through her goggles. that means what she said was before rose was killed, because rose was killed after jade informed her of jack’s murder of her mom and dad egbert and she went grimdark. and i dont think jade harbors any affection towards dave’s bro who she saw dead through the goggles enough to consider him someone she loves…she was sad on dave’s behalf though

who else was there at that point in the story she “loved” and was killed by jack besides dave, then? just something i noticed on a reread

and that event was the key reason why dave stopped time traveling. he couldnt handle being burdened with acting casual about his impending death AND while knowing his death will be at jade’s own hands in front of her in person, and that she will have to kiss his corpse without explanation or clarification from dave’s part. he knows she’s sensitive to even seeing dead bodies just through some goggles, so the body of her best friend / someone she “loves” and first live person she meets in like a decade killed accidentally from her own gun would be so much worse for her

[mcbeetlebeeb]

Perchance if your requests are open then I would like a modern reader with homestuck characters of your choosing?? If not that's ok you don't gotta if you don't wanna. Have good day

Hii, sorry for the INCREDIBLY late response, trying to remember how to use tumblr BUT YES I shall deliver 👍 thanks for asking question, I'll be doing the main four (ФωФ)

(and- hopefully I understand your question cause I'm ready to do this in head cannon platform- so??‐ 🫂 take it my friend)

⛅️John Egbert🎭

*deep inhale* NERRD

sorry, moving on

seems like the sorta guy to know fnaf lore, like all of it, I can't elaborate further

also he wears totally normal outfits with stupid stupid socks,,

silly socks, the dumbest you could imagine

I think at some point he'd be the mfker with some tape or a bandaid around the middle of his glasses to keep it together

hes a one pillow sleeper 😔

and by that I mean he has one singular pillow on his bed smh

he atones by sleeping with stuffed animals though

mfkin creepy ass light sleeper

and I say that cause I can fully imagine someone trying to get something while he's sleeping or even trying to wake him up

and he just sits up, all the way, no glasses john, eyes open all the way not groggy or confused

get this MAN SOME BROWN EYE CONTACTS!!

FUCK I THOUGHT THATD MAKE IT SMALLER HER FACE IS HUGE

no going back tumblr is already so confusing, sorry anon I tried to be funny now she's here

anyway..lord..

I think he'd forever go to bed at like a super specific time, and if he messes that up he feels wrong the next day

and that's all he'll tell you, "I feel wrong"

touch of the tisim probably perhaps maybe

listen his dad collected shaving cream and harlequins and clowns and stuff-..

I don't think he has freckles but more so little body moles speckled around his body

goofy smile, silly laugh, catch him snorting and slapping his knee n shit

tries to push up glasses with the nose scrunch thing, makes him show of his messes up teeth

an endearing young punster.

I definitely think if you'd be down, he's 100% the person too have nerf gun wars

something and John Egbert and a foam dart makes sense

and for some reason i connect that with bubbles

rip John you would've loved fruiter aergo

maybe, maybe more low quality photos of it though because idk

he has a strange love for...what's the word...

hmm.. eccentric things

he just holds them dear, think it's in his blood

who knows if that's a good or bad thing

expressive

I think you'd have to be, blind, deaf, mute and impossibly stupid to miss his body language

or just a meanie(?)

regardless not emotionally verbal, or at least not often, or- as much as he should

but physically shows it

like..for example if he was in a crappy mood, you'd be able to tell, and he'd confirm if you asked

and with him being expressive i would think comes with..what's the word again..uh..

responsive?

reactive?

especially to words, or touch

when he gets red, he one of them people to get red EVERywhere.

ears, down to the neck, shoulders, forhead.

dude looks like he's gonna pop a blood vessel any moment lmao

he'd be the person too have like reddened knuckles and stuff, cold hands, will press the cold hands into you for warmth

if he were to smell like anything, vanilla, faintly, all smells on him would be faint I'd like to think

☀️Rose Lalonde🔮

honestly my favorite to draw-

she is wrighting so many silly things for and too you

poems?

happening.

long strangely war letter back home love letters too you

they probably are never shown-

maybe unless you look or perhaps ask

she'd be...the best person to gossip over a drink with

tea, coffee, alcohol, water, soda

I think she'd be a mfker to sleep with socks

it's okay on some level cause they're socks she made herself

I also think not just gossip but she's like- she's a seer of light cmon-

she knows stuff

I think she may not look like it but she, is the ultimate yapper

and silly

silly Rose justice

shes a goofy goober too guys

there would be no way she's not

look at her friends

I think she'd like her hair to be pet sometimes

play with it gently, braid it for no reason

type of person I can see too sit with you on the porch as it rains

reminds me of mist and.. morning dew

chilly autumn mornings

where you can see your breath

shes one of them Halloween people

i just know she appreciates a crunchy leaf

*knits you this*

YOU SIZED OBVIOUSLY

also gloves

why not

stay warm

she'd want you too

she has dimples

both lil cheek dimples

I think she'd be someone to ponder her partner often

like, seeing a candle and going "oh perfect, you've found me here as well!" but she's in the middle of some store lol

or reading something, thinking about that phrase and linking it too you or something like that

something strangely meticulous

carefully, honestly, thought out.

shes the person too either meticulous take the time to paint her nails right

or paint them all fucked up, and then clean them up

leaning more towards the latter

am I saying that right?

she would smell like

mm, cold linen, and books, book smell

🌠Jade Harely🐾

ah yes

doggie

shes a sweetheart though

albeit a clumsy- narcoleptic one

she means well

most times

she has all the hair

everywhere!!

find her brushing herself

maybe???

maybe space powers debunk hair needs

I dunno probably pffhfhh

toothy smile

big toothy grin

I like to think she has braces

convincingly can bark and growl (before and after bec merge thingy)

probably got even more convincing dog bark talents

sit down with her and a good coloring book

entertainment for hours

she'd be up for most anything I bet

would possibly be bored laying around lounging

something tells me she'd have a thing with buttons

all shapes and sizes and materials

just- checks out as a Jade thing yknow

same with silly bands

somewhere there is glitter on this girl I'm convinced

maybe more earth glitter (dirt) than any other

but like, 🤷 I dunno man

can I pet dat dawg?

yes, pet the dog, dog longs for human contact

scratch that

contact

overall

shes just lonely, forgive her lack of "norm" social skills

brotha grew up on a damn island, with her dog, and stuffed grandpa

stuffed grandpa

I'd be a lil weirdo too

anon, I'm gonna tell you this now..

I've never read the books all the way threw, and I own 3 out of idk how many

so forgive me if this...- out of character

dirty nailz..

yknow how some big dogs have that mindset that they are little lap dog puppies?

her

oh you thought it was gonna be a lil head rest?

a lil lean?

no

blanket mode.

snuggle time.

accept it, at least for a minute.

I cannot explain why and I won't but, she gives me road runner vibes

just..yep, that's jade..harely..

what am I doing dude tf

also..don't ask me why, she would smell like pine, dirt, soil if you will, maybe lavender too, or more something..sugary? cinnamon?

am I making sense

⚔️Dave Strider📀

uughhh what haven't I said about this dude

hmm

I'm trying to remember what I wrote before tumblr rudely disrupted my wrighting and made me go back to the beginning

well let's see

eotushuf

here me out

this but on him

and it's soft blonde and and

there's spots that are missing from scars

and they go down to his hand,, and fingers

the hair on the side of the hand, you know what I mean

also has missing little patches

broad..finge nail

chews his nails

hhe.. uu h out of all of the four, probably the best to lounge around with

laying around

what's the word

parallel play?

being able to comfortably do yalls own thing in the same place

without a lot of talking

rhhrrgg

hes the type of person to 100% do the three hand squeeze thing

iykyk... (squeezing someone's hand to wordlessly say, "I love you")

and if you respond verbally, or even just squeezing back

he'll face away and do it back again

epitome of "putting on sunglasses so no one knows what I'm looking at"

you at you

he has..like stupid peripheral vision and uses it to advantage

I cannot say why but, he definitely has funky cool ties

just does i feel it

also, crackley

cracking his knuckles, his neck, back

when he stands it's like fine machinery sounding

clicking and popping in knees and hips

blonde

...eyelashes..

rough palms and scar knuckles

he smells like- a well slept on pillow ina good way- and also maybe

faintly of apple juice, carton apple juice..

guys this is buns, I'm so sorry truly, I'm also..so sleepy..😔

anon i hope this was right, and..to your request, I hope u have a good day (*^▽^)/★*☆��

[nutzworth]

was on twitter (oops) and theres a ton of people going apeshit over kanaya in the upd8 (hs:bc upd8) right obviously and i saw one (1) post about "still hating hs2. jade would not fucking do this" and like. huff.

fosmf if youre there and youve read the hsbc update tell me your thoughts on this. im so curious

in MY opinion, i really like jade in postcanon in general. OBVIOUSLY, the stuff with davekat SUCKS + IS WEIRD + outb of character (i doubt jade would cross boundaries in such a weird way? like a girl can take a hint esp for the people she loves.) but in the update it goes over jade and why she did what she did and like a cute little summary of the yiffy situation. i never really hated yiffy? and i hate yiffy even less with the update. narration + backstory with reasoning did its job.

SUMMARY, AS I SEE IT: jade was dating around mortals but came to the conclusion that they dont want HER, they want to say they dated the GOD OF SPACE. they wanted clout and she hated it. and i dont know. i think she went a little crazy cus of it. she was like I am truly alone in this world. Im cursed to be alone. Im doomed because of my aspect. How can i fix this. solution: HAVE A BABY. and it needs to be one of her god friends. she cant have a baby with a random mortal. john and dave are boys; they cant bear children. she cant have a baby with roxy or jane because she doesnt know them well. that leaves: rose lalonde so jade has a baby with rose lalonde and keeps it a secret. she talks to jane, and this is fine because its largely professional, and she makes sure yiffany (the baby) doesnt become a celebrity. yiffy is normal. yiffy is a normal kid and she has a normal life. jade needs her to have a normal life. jade needs to feel that connection with normality that she never had, jade needs to make sure yiffy doesnt go through the same damn thing she did. and she keeps it a secret. she bonded with rose. if kanaya finds out, thatll tear all three of them apart. jade craves the company. jade craves friendship and closeness. but of course, shes a space player and shes doomed. so they find out. and yiffy gets on the news. and everything is torn

ANYWAY: i think thats so cool. i think thats a great explanation. i think jade WOULD do that is the thing. its a logical train of thought and she makes some stupid mistakes and bad decisions but overall its rational. if i was in her situation i would probably do the same thing. yiffany longstocking is like jade harleys' my love mine all mine by mitski you get me. jade harley yearns for the closeness and having a baby can fill that. what other option did she have? she was crazy

interested to hear other peoples thoughts on this. i may just be biased because i love jade harley

[tipsygnostalgy]

"It was never that serious," said Rose Lalonde calmly. — a deranged rant on update rose + philosophy

now that rose has officially hopped onto the "nothing matters" track of things i'm inclined to believe faux-absurdism is a sleeping agent in the strilondian neuroticism paradigm moreso than a real plot point but yeah anyway i have mixed feelings

on one hand i can definitely see why people don't like her / think she's ooc. the classic process of "cause major change in a character" goes inciting incident -> development -> big blowout moment demonstrating the change (appropriated + bastardized from mr freytag himself), and in my personal opinion the comic jumped the gun on this one? we get the inciting incident (candy timeline's irrelevancy) and both irl timeline and character arcwise are plunged straight into the blowout with very little time in between. there's a tiny hint with the light symbol playing a role (more on this later) but for the most part it feels sudden and unjustified if you're insane about rose + understand sufficient epilogues metaphilosophy + and are coded specifically to like this type of shit you Get Exactly What's Going On and fucking dig it. if you don't, you think they've put her through a meat grinder and i can see both

on the OTHER. dear god i'm sucking on the sweet teats of knowledge and absurdism like a baby at the bath. her swapping her constant need of "why" to "why not" and both rose's constant struggle with Light mixing with the irrelevancy of candy and coalescing in one big idgaf war except.

except on the third hand it's worth mentioning that she's also half-assing absurdism so bad that it gets pathetic. her last line "I knew you would forgive me anyway" actually solidifies this arc as one big tantrum that they plan on developing into Not A Thing (hopefully) because she doesn't tell kanaya "I knew it wouldn't matter." the forgiveness is what she focuses on. the forgiveness matters. kanaya still matters to her whether this dumbass light player is consciously aware of this or not and i think ironically KANAYA knows this better than she does which is part of her saying she refuses to mediate this one. on a rosemary level this is jaw-dropping on a character level BOOOO

MAKE HER ABSURDIST! make her sit there and do things not for the sake of kanaya but literally only to do them. make her sit there and genuinely believe the only obligation in reality is to live it. dirk fails at being a true absurdist too he starts injecting meaning into life like there's motherfucking nothing and rose actually acknowledging there's zero meaning whatsoever but living anyway and in that process learning to love life (juxtaposes jake's adventurer) would juxtapose her to him but NOOOOOO she has to sit there and go Well there's no meaning to Life. It was Never that serious. Fuck you. but then refuse to kill herself (thereby proving camus right once again) then now what. now What. Ohhhh "nothing" matters cool then die. dirk's suicide was meaningful because he broke that formula okay he went There's no meaning to life? Ok. then immediately hung himself he DEVOURED that sequence he subverted absurdism back into existentialism which is cool but ROSE COULD PERPENDICULAR THAT!

[laurasauras]

rose lalonde. that's it, that's the question.

isn't it just! god i love rose.

it's that she's one of those girls who pretends she has it all together, who thinks she's worth more because she is witty and can come up with brilliant burns exactly on cue, but she's also the girl who pretended her cat could talk to her and who would pretend to have a magnetic W as a mustache and is 13 and was probably making potions in the mud with a stick last week.

she's as cool and calm as a forest pond, and you know there are depths there but you assume those depths are things like "can commune with gods (really)" and "maybe she's telling the truth when she says she's read proust". and then you're 14 and so is she and you're finding out that the depths are "she learned how to cope with being bored and isolated and doomed from a mother she maybe shouldn't have forgiven".

and oh, i have all the pity in the world for momlonde. how awful to be put on this planet to raise a child who will end the world before creating a new one? how could you make friends under those circumstances, knowing they would all die because of what the universe has planned for your little girl? how could you sleep at night knowing that at the very least she'll be traumatised, but it's much more likely that she'll just be dead.

but rose didn't know any of that.

rose just knew that her mother wasn't around, not even to make sure she had the capacity to feed herself, let alone making sure that she was.

she knew that if she screamed that she wanted to kill herself or jammed needles in a (dead) powerpoint, her mother wouldn't talk to her, but she might be given a pony or something.

she knew that the only time her mother was around was when she was drunk, and when she was drunk she would be able to tell rose that she loved her and that she was perfect, and maybe she was merry or maybe she was crying but whatever it was, it was fucking hard to trust. because being sober next to a drunk person's sincerity is unbearable. you know that if they weren't drunk they wouldn't be crying or saying all of that, so it doesn't fucking count. and if you were so perfect and loved, then why would she even need to drink. you're 10 years old and you're supposed to be the centre of your mother's whole life, but you're not and you never have been. you're just the inconvenient kid she remembers when her breath stinks and she can't pronounce your name anymore.

and when you're 14 and she's dead and you're staring at the code you found while trying to make apple juice for someone who is your family (but you can't express your love for him), you remember being 4 and standing in her high heels, your ankles barely poking out of the toe of the shoe. and now they fit pretty damn well.

you're on a journey you can't speed up, knowing that at the end of all this bullshit that doesn't matter the people closest to you might be hurt, might be dead, and the air smells just a little bit doomed ... and in that golden window after two drinks but before five, your mom was charming and funny and beautiful, and she could actually say what she felt. if you're going on your first date with a woman who might make the meaningless tedium worth it, maybe you could use a little of that.

BUT ROSE ISN'T JUST HER TRAUMA!

Rose Is The Flame I Am Drawn To. She Makes Me Feel More Alive Just By Glancing At Me. I Am Bewitched By Her Intelligence And Electrified By Her Humour And Devoted To Her, Just Her, Everything That She Is

rose acts like shes a princess and like the rest of us should feel grateful that she even notices we exist but when you get down to it no one carries a bit like her. she matches me every goddamn step no matter what and she gets what its like to care without making some kind of deal about it

rose is just kind of a dork. it's funny how everyone thinks she's scary. okay, so in a battle between chuck norris and rose lalonde, chuck is going home crying about his kicked nuts and his mommy issues, but just because rose is badass doesn't mean she isn't also the kind of girl who snorts milk through her nose laughing at me pretending to be a walrus with breadsticks. last week. we are 40.

(dear god i'm sorry about the inaccuracy of those text colours, it hurts me too)

so yeah. rose lalonde. that's it, that's the answer.

[davekat-sucks]

Do you believe it was a boon or a detriment (to Homestuck) that none of the kids ever got to reconcile with their parents/guardians?

Across all of them, none of them really got to understand their parents as living, breathing people- at least that's how I see it. To all of these characters, their guardians were faceless, eccentric, incomprehensible elder beings that may or may not have cared about them; guardians forever locked in the past- mere memories left only to fade. Like sure, the beta kids sort-of got peace of mind with the alpha kids (and vice versa), but it's obvious that the alpha kids have little to do with the beta kid's actual parents (and vice versa), so to watch them "talk it out" is like pondering the beliefs of Elvis Presley with an impersonator.

I believe that this leaves Homestuck thematically as a one-trick pony; if you're looking for a story about losing a parent at a young age, you've come to the right place, but if you wanted to see any other parent-child relationships, go look elsewhere. It leaves me wanting more, wondering what could have been- and I recognize that this feeling is probably what Andrew Hussie intended- but a reader can dream, can they not?

One of the highlights of (me) growing up was learning more about my parents and watching them become more human-like and understandable- learning that even parents can grow and change, discovering their passions and dreams and seeing them consider their flaws and failures, changing what it means to grow old- it's great to see this amount depth and self-reflection coming from someone who loves and raised you, but it also makes me wonder if most parents are just asshole morons and I just got lucky.

On the "upside", I guess if the parents were around none of that spicy teenage romance could happen, am I right? You can't have your dirkjakes or rosemarys if their parents are still there telling them to focus on setting a career path or getting a driver's license, LMAO. Shut up old-timers, these teenagers can't get laid with all of your parental advice killings the vibes! Joking of course, I'm not THAT bitter about what never was. I'm only slightly bitter.

It definitely is a detriment that the Beta Kids never really got full closure on the Guardians that had raised them. In Rose's case, she finally realized and understood that her Mom genuinely loved her and everything she did was real. There was no ulterior motive. Her drunk arc was Rose's way of punishing herself, believing she was a bad daughter. That she blamed herself for not accepting all the love Mom Lalonde had to give before the game started. Sure Mom Lalonde was not any better as she too was drinking during the raise, but the woman still put time and effort to let Rose have her hobbies, interests, and tries to enjoy them with her while trying to hide her worries and sorrows that Sburb will happen. She couldn't explain to Rose about what Sburb was or what was going to happen. Rose wouldn't believe her Mom and she knows this. It's not really the same for Roxy entering it. It feels like a copout or worse, a REPLACEMENT, of Mom Lalonde. Sure they share similar traits, but she isn't exactly the person who raised her. The same can apply to Roxy's view on Rose as her own mom. She isn't exactly the same either. The only person who still got to keep her guardian safe was none other than Jane Crocker for her Dad Crocker. John hugging him is confusing since he isn't exactly like Dad Egbert. It baffles me people had accepted this or believe Dad Crocker and Dad Egbert were one in the same person, when they aren't.

The reason I believe it would have been better for the kids to meet with their guardians one last time, is to fully symbolize the growth of the kids as well as passing the baton onto the new generation. Growing up, maturing, and being a better person. That's what was suppose to be the theme of Homestuck and for heroes like the Beta Kids to reach by the end of the story. Without it, all the characters remained the same status quo and never fully changed.

[mysoulusesumbrellasinthesun]

I have decided that the Lalondes are Maori and furthermore I am more correct about this than anyone has ever been.

My evidence:

Rose

Engaged in a battle with her mother of who can say the most eloquent (and longest) karakia because she always hated saying them so now tries to continuously one up her mother by being slightly more precise with hers. Dinner is always an hour late because of this.

Despises the insistence of motherhood in Maori folklore (especially ones her mother teaches her) and finds them to be incredibly stifling.

She hates doing kapa haka and hates that women cannot do a full haka, so she puts on a one woman performance herself when she is young during a “ridiculous” matariki celebration her mother was putting on, and did a male haka by herself. Mom found this extremely adorable and insists on playing the video every Matariki, which Rose hates.

Her favorite nursery rhyme growing up was “One Day a Taniwha”

Rose loves taniwha, though she acts like she doesn’t.

On the meteor she wishes she had actually learned about her culture with her mother when she had the chance instead of only engaging with it ironically and feels very separate from the others on the meteor because of it.

After she is on the meteor towards the end of homestuck I think she reconciles her heritage with her lack of motherliness in the idea of women less as mothers but as powerful dangerous people (a la the goddess of death, Hine-nui-te-pō, who kills Maui with her thighs)

She is so annoyed with the lack of taking care of the land when they reach Earth C. She did not really consider Papatuanuku as her mother before but she realizes now after seeing how all the other kids and especially some of the trolls behave, acting like the land is something to be used and discarded she gets extremely annoyed. She, Roxy, and Jade bond over this.

Her mother gave her a Koru pounamu to celebrate her becoming a woman on her first period. She resentented it and refused to wear it, but eventually accepted it and passed it down to Roxy who was overjoyed to receive it.

She instead wears a Hei Tiki pounamu necklace Dave gave to her as a wedding present. She acts aloof about it but anyone who knows her can tell she is deeply moved by the gift. She keeps it on at all times.

Roxy

There is an inherent horror to looking all around you to see that Tangaroa has drowned his mother.

The idea that The Condesce, a colonizer, took over the world and left Roxy stranded on a tiny piece of land with almost none of her people or culture left, and she can never sail out on a waka like her ancestors or a sailboat like the ancestors of her ancestors to see other places, trapped in a tiny select space. It’s a horror I can’t really describe.

Roxy desperately wants to know what tribe she comes from and who she descends from, to find that little bit of her family. She is very quiet on the day she finds out she was produced from herself. 

Roxy misses Papatuanuku, she misses her chance to meet both her mothers before they died. She messages Dirk about this while drunk but he does not fully get it.

As a trans woman, finds the women in Maori mythology and culture to be aspirational figures of power and motherhood.

She thanks the appropriate gods for any food she can scavenge for in her apocalypse but never really has the time to learn a full karakia.

Teaches the carapacians kapa haka, they aren’t very good at it but they do make up for it with enthusiasm

When she enters the session she insists on hongi (sharing breath) with each of her friends. It goes like this:

Dirk: Has been preparing for this for years. Has the whole technique down. Confident cool guy swagger, but not too much, he doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard either. He and Roxy bump their heads together and fall over. This looks ridiculous.

Jake: Roxy explains and leans in to do a hongi with him but he kisses her on both cheeks like he is french. Roxy thinks this is hilarious.

Jane: Needs at least 6 tries to get it right but keeps on insisting on doing it again so she can participate in Roxy’s culture appropriately, and then a couple more times because she keeps failing on purpose to make Roxy laugh. They are both in a fit of giggles by the time she has worked it out and it becomes their standard greeting.

Hal: Is a computer, but Roxy does hold the nose bridge of the glasses up to her face like they are doing a hongi which Hal does appreciate.

Calliope: Gets it right first try!

Goes somewhat crazy hanging out in nature on Earth C. (Where is Roxy? In The Mud. Of course.)

I cannot express in words as well, the sheer euphoria Roxy feels standing on the ground on Earth C. 

[pixxelminxx]

“you may not like the rosemary cheating plotline but its in character.”

okay. okay. listen. rose and kanaya having a fucked up imperfect relationship? i get that. they were 13 or 14 when they started dating it’s impossible not to have shit go down.

rose sleeping w jade bc she finds it inevitable and also wants to help her friend and knows kanaya will forgive her bc shes lost in the bigger picture. sure. if youre into the whole “alt self” deal then sure.

i dont think rose being that detached is fully in character to ME and im not a fan of the world of the epilouges but sure in the context of the narrative (which i personally dont like) it can make sense.

everything kanaya has said and done in reaction. yeah. can’t argue with that.

jade wanting a child because shes lonely and that fills some kind of hole in her? sure.

but you look me in the eyes. and tell me its in character for jade to name her child yiffany longstocking lalonde harley and hide her for 15 years.

homestuck is undeniably absurd and silly. you can try your best to argue that can explain yiffy. but come the fuck on. if you want your story to have funny moments and serious moments that ACTUALLY pull at the heart strings.

you have to maintain SOME level of suspense of disbelief. and this is a bridge too far. how can you not be taken out of the moment by this.

look me in the eyes and tell me that there is something beautiful and profound about jade seeing her daughter, YIFFY, as all she has.

her bundle of joy— furry sex. bc she was born of furry sex. yes my sweet little girl who i love and cherish. yiffany longstocking. my furry daughter. sex. my furry sex daughter.

what a beautiful name for a baby girl.

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT JADE WOULD SERIOUSLY NAME HER CHILD FURRY SEX. AND THAT YOU CAN TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.