#i love that for them but there's not really anything i'd like to do less on a saturday night
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brief points from spare me your mercy press con interviews
disclaimer: with VERY limited thai comprehension skills and auto subs, here are the few points i picked up from two torjj interviews (one with director wo and screenwriter lux, one without them). if any kind fans would like to fansub interesting bits from the interview, i'd love to be tagged in (boop @recentadultburnout)
1. The TorJJ interview with Wo and Lux
youtube
it took them FIVE years to find the right cast for spare me your mercy. they bought the rights to the novel 5 years ago.
screenwriter lux says that it's less a matter of finding talented actors with capability to play the roles but rather finding the people with the right age, ability, same attitude, same passion to tell the story of euthanasia because it's a sensitive subject matter
director wo compliments saying that he met a lot of talented actors but it's by chance that they were able to get tor and jj who share the same passion in telling the story
tor jokes that it's not easy to get a compliment from director wo like that. tor says that the subject matter is what pulled him into doing this project and that if he's decided to do something, he's fully committed to it.
jj says he feels the same and hope that everyone follows the story because not just his and tor's characters but everyone else is great
tor says he had to do homework for his character too since dr. kan is not like the doctor we usually see at the hospital, but one that specialises in treating terminally ill patients.
jj says that he was nervouse since it's his first time working with screenwriter lux and director wo, first time leading a one31 original. he wants everyone to follow the story since his character wasan will face a lot of problems in the story.
jj says everyone already know his first work with tor is in family we trust and at the time they were still getting to know each other so there's a bit of tuning and adjusting to each other but coming into this work (spare me your mercy), it just flows and is already easy for him when paired up with tor since the chemistry comes easily.
(on the subject of a very experienced supporting cast ) director wo says it's like he didn't have to direct at all because it's really easy to work with these experienced older actors. he doesn't want to spoil anything but the supporting actors are really good.
screenwriter lux says that since the story being told is quite complex, it was established from the beginning that they would cast actors who have the capability of delivering difficult performances, even if they're not main roles
2. The TorJJ only interview
youtube
jj says the first challenge is that smym is a series that follows an ongoing investigation so it'll be interesting for viewers to follow what's going on with each timeline and each case
for tor it's the fact that its neo? suspense genre. at first he thought it wouldn't be that difficult but he's grateful to learn a lot from elder doctors for his role. so it's a new experience.
when asked about his character being the one taking care of terminally ill patients, tor says he thinks that's the secondary story because the main story is the suspense (investigation). tor thinks the beats of the suspense genre is hard for his style of acting
but you've done dramas like this before? tor says but he doesn't really encounter suspense (genre) very often. for suspense genre, it's like you know it in your heart but you can't say it at all (i'm guessing he's talking about his character). it's verrrry difficult for me.
jj jokes that it's because tor met him (re: tor got jj as a partner for this drama) that tor's good at it. "i'm just joking joking joking"
from tor perspective, dr. kan is a doctor that we don't get to meet very often, even for tor himself, he's also getting to know this character as he took on the role of dr. kan -> proceeds to talk about how his character doesn't really treat/cure patients but is more like a partner with them until they end their life peacefully
tor did a lot of research for this role, with real palliative doctors but he has to admit that even with his research he does draw a line and he can't interfere to research real terminally ill patients because it will involve with their family as well. so he did as much research as he could but to see things that will disturb the privacy of real families, he can't do that
tor says he can only make assumptions from what he's researched and he accepts criticism if ppl say "you can't understand fully like that", he admits he can't bc he can only do so much research without affecting real life people.
jj says that it's difficult for him as well (in the role of police officer) because when entering crime scene, there's a lot of details. and the timelines for the series is a bit confusing (maybe he's talking about non-linear narrative?). so wasan may not be done with one case yet we're already jumping into another plotline (ah maybe he's talking about there being many different ongoing plot threads) which makes it interesting to follow along
for jj's character, he says it's not difficult like tor's character because his character is a detective who doesn't have things to hide so the approach to their respective characters is not the same
jj says it's not just enough that each characters have their own self-conflicts but there's also conflicts between them as a couple.
who's the one playing with the other's heart? tor says "if you think jj's character or mine is playing with the other's heart then you're WRONG"
so no one is playing with the other's heart? no one is fooling the other? no one is using love to trick the other? tor "no, love isn't something to be played with. BUT… EVERYONE in this story will be playing/tricking on each other. everyone is playing the everyone else's heart in this series"
tor "you will be able to see it from the first episode, that our identities (he's probably referring to their sexualities?????) are already told/being shown"
jj "let's talk about the first scene, when we first met. i think everyone will be able to tell that there's "something" going on" 🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈????? "i hope everyone will follow the series, because if i reveal it then you won't be excited for it"
"oooh you're playing a couple. how do you level up?" jj jokes "are you excited? 😏i'm excited too ☺"
tor "this one i can spoil for you. the chemistry in our relationship will develop naturally and smoothly. very normally, very smoothly. i believe that if the actors could feel [the chemistry] the audience who watch it will be able to feel it as well"
"how complex/confusing is the series?" tor says "oooh do i have to count/quantify that? hmm, if you ask me if it's confusing or not, i'd say that it's not confusing but it's the overlapping events/plot threads that makes it confusing"
is there pressure to work/act in this? (i'm guessing the interviewer is implying abt starring in a bl series 🙄) jj says not much pressure on the acting aspect because they can communicate and it's easy between the two of them because they're already close with each other
are you prepared to face what will come next like the sns discussions or questions about this subject matter "euthanasia?" tor feels like they don't have to prepare for it because even though it is a sensitive subject, the series doesn't point to what's wrong/right idea about euthanasia. if you look more closely, it's more like a series that presents clashing beliefs on the subject matter of "euthanasia" to stimulate this discussion/debate in society. we can't control what ppl say on sns but what we're clear about is that the series does not intend to "teach" anyone anything. it's not like we're forcing ppl to debate this question. if you finish the series and have questions, then we can discuss. if you finish the series and just enjoy it for the investigation/ whodunit story, that's good as well.
jj was happy that the series was filmed in his hometown chiang mai and praises the production team for being very professional, arranging travelling and staying very convenient and comfortable.
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Hi! Your blog is really really cool and an awesome source of information with so much context and detail! I really love your approach of like "don't not do it; research, learn, and do it well"!
So Idk if this is a reasonable question or not but I thought it would be better to ask than not to: So I'm endeavoring to write a kids picture book and in it there's a little girl who's Black with a physical disability, probably moderately quadriplegic, and I was wondering about what kind of hairstyles might be realistic for her to potentially have?
Like I know she could technically have anything that a real person could have, but like I don't want to just pick something out for the character just based on how *I* think somethings looks without having a context I don't have yet if that makes sense?
She's about 5 or 6 and she's able to use her hands but she'll have spasticity in them and be using adaptive equipment, and she can move but she'll be in a wheelchair most of the time, so Idk how that might factor into how she/her parents might kind of style her hair?
(it won't really come up in the story since it's about her first day of school, but like more from a design standpoint)
Also idk if this matters to add but I wouldn't be personally doing the art, I'd probably try and connect with someone to illustrate, but I would like to try and have some pretty concrete descriptions for them to work with when the time comes.
Thanks so much, you're so awesome!!!!
That's a good way to summarize my mentality, and I appreciate you catching that! I do get frustrated when people approach writing people different than them as "well is it yes or no" when that's not what it is. It's "put effort into it or leave it alone". Because many things can be done! We can be in any story! It just has to be done with...wait for it... INTENT!
As for your question, she's an industrious child because I was not doing my own hair at 5 and 6 lol. That's a young age for hair. Maybe a ponytail or afro puff at best. I think it would be okay if you allowed her parents to do her hair, which does lead back to her being able to have any style that she might like. Maybe something with less barrettes and such, since they might fall out and she may struggle to put them back in.
So my suggestion would be to look up hairstyles little Black girls, and go through your options and pick one!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAH
#currently missing out on making friends with the other people in my uni accommodation because they're all going out clubbing. and#i love that for them but there's not really anything i'd like to do less on a saturday night#stuck in my room resisting the urge to pop my head out and say 'hi! i exist! ok now go away.' if it could work...#tristan rambles
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There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...
Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?
And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)
Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him
These people could go away, and yet
#to be blunt this is also very very very much about trump#the best part of all if he'd lost is how I'd never have had to see or hear about his loser ass again#and you people couldn't even manage that (collective you; not you personally... unless you're Pennsylvanian basically)#like he's insufferable... unless you're a die hard fan of him you know he's just stupid and annoying#why would you want to hear a washed up reality star for four more fucking years?#we could ignore these people hard enough to make them go away#and yet I'll be stuck having to hear him say shit about Hannibal or whatever for four more years cause you couldn't do that#I'm so sick of it; I honestly am#jake paul could have been ignored into obscurity like a decade ago; and yet he's able to launch a scam with mr beast#like dear god... can't you people find something better to do than watch these people? ...like watch paint dry?#it's not just people; it's every live action disney remake; it's... it's just all of it... fucking ai#can't you people fucking ignore it? can't you just kinda boo when it shows up and then forget about it?#I get someone like elon is a toddler that needs an eye kept on him to make sure he's not breaking shit but like...#we could just not buy his cars... which... like... doesn't seem like a hard ask given how badly they're manufactured#again... weirdos on tumblr; I'm doubting you're to blame for most of this#but just like... could we just for the love of god let the stupid shit die out you losers?#I'm not even... I'm not even joking here; this isn't like a goof; this is a prescription#nfts die if literally everyone ignores them; live action remakes die if no one watches them; elon goes bankrupt if no one buys from him#(also gets really sad because he's a massive attention seeker; and that's pretty funny so bonus)#why do I still have to hear about jake paul other than like... 'he's been arrested for fraud' or something reasonable?#could have been done with him years ago... like maybe if you kept around one or two bad habits but... like the lootboxes couldn't go?#tune in; turn on; drop out... this part here; I'm asking you to do the drop out part#drop out of society and stop playing their bullshit games#pay attention; be engaged with the world and your community as best you can; and just stop... stop giving this shit oxygen#but again... if this isn't hitting the void it's probably hitting the choir... you're not an oaf on twitter sucking this stuff up#but fuck me... worry over tariffs and other shit aside; concrete quantifiable worries I can lay out I might add#for the people who act like it's just sky is falling mentality; nah... I can expressly say what and why I worry about come january#but all that aside... you couldn't have voted against him just... just to never hear his annoying ass again?#not saying harris would have been good or bad or anything else... I'm saying she would have been a fuck of a lot less annoying#and like... you gave elon a win too... the two most annoying people on the planet and ya couldn't just... not
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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if there were just ONE word or concept I could communicate to animals it would be gift. I usually refill the birdbath twice a day and when the blackbirds come to bathe they watch me so warily. but I did it for you... it's a gift. exhausted bee my dear friend that spoon of sugar water is a gift and you don't have to be afraid. snails stuck in the watering can because his shell was too big to fit through the nozzle I'm going to get you out of there brother even though I'm sure being pushed back the way you came seems like some deep callous evil on my part. but I promise it's a gift. I don't even mind if you eat all my plants. I don't even mind if a bird eats YOU. as long as the suffering is minimal and the death contributes to life instead of being wasted. what else is there
#it must genuinely be so exhausting to be afraid all the time#well it is I know from experience#I think when you've truly suffered a very substantial and life changing amount it changes the way you see everything#it did for me anyway#there are so many physical sensations that are inexpressible in human language let alone body language that we barely grasp#I worry all the time that things are hurting and can't express it because it's truly the worst thing anything or anyone can experience#also the sad thing is I do believe the further away animals get from us evolutionarily the less likely it is that they have any#concept or ability to conceptualise trust#I think most mammals do or might do#but beyond that... it seems unlikely to me#at least in any compatible way with our sense of trust. it's just different#I don't think the lizard trusts me so much as he tolerates me#I'm not even sure if he associates me with food#the fish definitely associates us with food but also he's a demon and if he could walk on land I think he'd have murdered us in our sleep#the birds I really don't know. I don't think they even tolerate us haha#I love them so much though and I'd do anything to help any of them#the reward is the act of love itself and the knowledge that you've eased a suffering that's within your power to ease#I don't think there's much more beyond that. if it's within your power to help something there shouldn't even be a need to think about it
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sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.
and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?
and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.
eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?
#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't normally gush but i'm heavily caffeinated rn moreso than i've been in months#i just!!!!!!!!! i cannot believe!!!#sometimes i worry when i like. mildly dissociate thinking about him and my love/interest in him bc one time that genuinely broke a spin bc#i realized it was not doing anything for me positively. but with poe everytime i'm just like#my life would genuinely not be as joyful as it is if it weren't for you. i would not be who i am today if it wasn't for you.#(tch. might not be here generally speaking)#i just. i really went from scoffing at him to 'oh no he's hot' to 'oh i'm in love' to 'i want to be his best friend in a really intimate#way' (cos i didn't know what qp/alterous was at the time) to 'i might want to kiss him but i wouldn't imagine myself w him'#to 'oh. actually i don't mind thinking about kissing him or being in a relationship w him. actually i /want/ that.'#to having to swallow my feelings for him to be diplomatic/avoid conflict for two years while still utterly adoring him and being in love w#him to subconsciously finding my way back to him!!!!!#and deciding with grim determination i'd continue loving him as much as i wanted no matter what anyone else said and YES that meant getting#kiss him on his pretty mouth. and shipping my self insert with him PROPERLY where they end up together.#and then realizing stuff that's less pg-13!!!! but no less mind blowing. like i had THAT setting. what the hell.#i just. what a journey.#he's my sweet flyboy my absolute beloved my best friend my starlight i love him to pieces u guuuuuuuuuuuys#i've had a lot of comfort characters over the years and a handful of special interests - none of them have meant as much to me as poe#he is genuinely a part of me and who i am he's my soulmate and i wuv him#okay i'm done#nym speaks#flyboy 🧡
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my thasmin is just like,,, *tells you i love you in words that should mean the opposite. we understand each other perfectly*
#i just think it's a really interesting dynamic#we wont talk about Any Of This Between Us#but if you push them far enough#or yaz especially#then it's all 'wish i'd never met you'#or that other fic i wrote the other day where shes like 'fuck you kiss me'#we can only get there with a detour#never directly#or like. 13. when yaz even Slightly says something that Might hint at the doctor not feeling the same#or not even that just yaz going 'hey do you need some space bc i can give you space'#she gets MEAN jesus#i'll have her say stuff like 'because i want to spend LESS time with you?! i dONT' like it's a fight#like what is wrong with you babe <3 i love u#or in that other fic where yaz called her a coward and the doctor was just like 'yeah but you arent <3'#like ???#fucking. opposite land between these two all the time#but they Know is the thing#they dont communicate about anything and they really should but they know Exactly what they mean in this every time#love them miss them
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the things that are generally wrong with the volstovic cycle are made (naturally, by virtue of the setting and pov characters) so much more egregious in shadow magic but like. kouje & mamoru are unfortunately still the only prince/retainer dynamic i’ve ever read like nothing else compares. sorry. forever.
#like again this book is really really horrible politically like i read it for the first time when i was ... 17 maybe? and definitely like#way less educated although even then i could tell that it uhm. werent great. but re-reading it im like HOLD on. this is so not it#but then there's bit from mamoru's pov on page 318: 'let me' he said and i let go immediately allowing his capable hands in place of my own#i remembered how we had stood in the same positions once though reversed. i had been the one to adjust kouje's hair#all his fine braids gone as if they'd never been there to begin with.#did the accomplishments mean anything if what one had to show for them was gone? was i still a prince if i lived in the forest#with no one to see me but the birds?#'there' said kouje stepping away once he'd finished. 'thank you' i murmured not daring enough to raise my eyes#i couldnt bear it if kouje were to decide that i'd done something unforgivable. not after everything else.#CONTRASTED WITH kouje on p 400:#there was so much of the emperor in [mamoru]. looking at him was sometimes like catching an accidental glimpse of the sun#LIKE ITS THE CORNIEST SHIT IN THE WORLD BUT I FELT IT. THAT SHIT WAS GENUINE.#like that never excuses the everything else of it all but i do think its fascinating how they write their characters thats def where their#strengths lie !!! characters and interpersonal dynamics#(like lord temur and the volstov diplomat (''diplomat'') trio anyone#?? i love that shit)#recently read
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damn i never thought i'd get into stardew valley this much but here we are !! makes perfect sense tho
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#heyy this adds to my roster of games that actually have Evidence#gotta play more soulsborne legitimately soon so i have more evidence of my range LMFAO ...#i love how my. taste in games is really broad tbh! i'm willing to try anything out but i do uhh am less inclined to the more popular ones?#unless i get into them by way of. personal. or without outside influence#but if there's a certain something that makes me dislike a media yeah ... i do end up more indifferent tho. ultimately#i think sdv is another huge example of how me and lune really go all in when getting into smth#like terraria. but we end up forgetting about it pretty soon after. oops!#it depends tbh on how bored we are? how much we have to do. so yeah#xiv was That for a very long time bcs we didn't really have anything else uhh insert hashtag xiv was there for us when nobody was#aaa so thankful to xiv fr. idk. i think about what it has done for me sometimes and i get really emotional!#also funny how things connect. i got back into tumblr bcs of jjk and then connected w others mostly thru gi. and then twt thru a friend i#met thru a school event wholy thru chance. who got me back into twt where i connected with others thru ff(xiv)#and i find it fascinating how people make friends irl! i think its easy for me to feel that way 1. its just who i am lol its in my nature#2. im more of a bystander so. yeah. ez for me to study people and people-watch. idm that much tbh#it's funny... hmm interesting? a bit sad too. wnvr i want to. Take A Step Further. i end up not caring anymore LMFAOOO but tbh it's really#nice in the long run! my outlook on life is pretty weird tbh like uhh... idk. hard to explain. complex#whenever i face a problem i'm. absolutely confident i'll get over it. and unfortunately i feel like that... sense of confidence is rather ra#rare*? idk. and the fact i've always known (always!) i'd love myself no matter what. even if sometimes i would be really insecure. i never#truly hated myself and i sincerely doubt i ever will. but the fact i often suceed and rise from my failures that sometimes they don't feel#like failures doesn't mean that uhh i'll end up facing my downfall through. naive confidence? i try to be self-aware and do my best for no#regrets and it's fascinating how my values in life are shaped by my past. not just me. everyone. damn. i think the formative years of a#person are so goddamn fascinating and also i'm still unsure what i want for college but it's already fucking march HELP#anyway wow. i dont want to be too harsh on myself if the What If bad scenario/s end up happening but i'll really try my best#my aunts on my dad side both got into up diliman and i'll be damned if i don't. i know i can do it. i just gotta put in a ton of effort.#okay rambles bye bye#also i've been staying up until 3/4 ever since break LMFAOOO SDV HAS RUINED ME dw i'll be good again next week lmfao
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theme for my class's christmas party on friday is most listened to artist.. bro how do i dress as masayoshi soken
#🌙.rambles#joked abt wearing yk a suit but i could actually do that#i'd be shy tho 😭😭 but it'll be v cool omg#nobuo uematsu is top all time but soken is for 2022 & 2021#yoko shimomura's 3rd all-time.. oh man i really love vg osts fr#uemtasu's my second for 2022 tho n#txt is 4th all-time n 3rd for 2022#random but i rlly like my hair now i didn't like it when it was blowdried but now i do ehe#it matches me i think >< i rlly prefer this length i don't like long hair unless i put it in a ponytail or braid of smth#square enix music is oh wow top 5 all time n top 4 for this year#aghh sorry i don't rlly have anything to do anymore for my deadlines due today it's just my grpmates' parts now but#i'm worried bcs i don't think the output in general for one of them is creative enough? we lacked time#n it's the course i hate the most n it rlly just ruins me but#i'll just take my mind off it 😭 i hate my regrets so much i can't comfort myself n it rlly just leaves this emptiness in me but i'll#distract myself n just write creatively or just imagine n dream n i'll be alright#despite how much grades n acads may seem so big rn it wldn't matter when i'm actually working n all#but every single mistake every single shortcoming just hurts so much bcs i used to do better or maybe i just think too high of myself#i'll work on my article critique n then when my grpmates for our research stuff finish the results n discussion#i'll work on the conclusion n then i'll do some other small assignments n then i'm done#maybe i just don't want others to think less of me to see me as inferior. i'll still get at least high honors for sure but not having#just one semestral awardee or some bs feels like a failure to me despite. my family telling me i'm not a disappointment#my friends don't know but wnvr apollo n i don't do SUPER well in acads they get suprised so. yh..#who the fuck cares about what others think oh my god i hate my mind i need to stop this i was doing well earlier today
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1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...
🧔🏻♂️ queerqueg Follow
the franklin expedition is dead as hell
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all
#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh
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🎨 asherbrowndurand
Just painted this
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ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927
RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed
🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow
HERITAGE POST
📝 shakespearesforehead Follow
How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol
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🌄 loyalromantic Follow
poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/
#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect
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🎀 thefopdiaries Follow
I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling
📜 bartlebi-thescrivener
i think i hauve consumption
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🐋 whaler4life
They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME
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🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow
I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense
#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo
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🤵🏻♂️ byronicherotournament Follow
🙈 butchbronte Follow
Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep
🙈 butchbronte Follow
I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
And? God forbid women do anything
#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon
#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH
#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....
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⭐️ newamerican
Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol
#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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Never think that I've stopped talking about Ukraine or that I've forgotten
I follow things every day, every day hoping for some kind of miracle that means the fighting is over, russia will leave every inch of Ukrainian soil, no more bombings... but... I know it's probably some time off... I'm not stupid, I just hope people can stop dying
I follow it every day, hear all the horrible news, keep up to date with things like the Kursk counteroffensive where Ukraine has taken a great deal of russian territory (which shows russia has no red lines)
I just don't share most of what I see on here because I don't want people to get fatigued... there's so many horrible things going on in the world, I don't want to burn people out
I'd rather someone be active and able to do a little than having to just turn off and disengage with everything to avoid losing it
All I ask is that you support Ukraine, they're just trying to exist. Just trying to live normal lives. I just hope you can support the "no civilians deserve to be bombed" platform, and say they don't deserve to be bombed by russia
If you've ever got any questions, it's not like I'm an expert, it's not like I'm living it, but I do follow things every day and it often seems like I know stuff other westerners haven't hear about... so ask away
Anyway, just never think that just cause it's been a bit since I mentioned Ukraine that they're not still on my mind
You hear less for your sake, but I keep coming back every day, and even I don't remotely see the true scale and horror of it, only snippets of... photos, videos, stories people share online
#again; there's someone here on tumblr who it's not like I was close with; but I'd occasionally say this or that thing trying to give support#and they're dead at this point; combat medic; a volunteer#and it's not really my grief; it's their friends and their husband who were torn to pieces by it#...but... I just think about how nothing is ever gonna bring them back#...and nothing's ever gonna bring all the other people killed here back... killed all over the world; but this is where I'm focusing#(in part; cause this is what I know and can kinda speak on; I actually have things worth saying on Ukraine; at least for a westerner)#(where as other stuff going on in the world... it's not like I don't know or have opinions)#(but frankly I think I know enough to know I don't know enough and it's better for my stupid mouth to stay shut)#(let people with actual things to say do the talking; I don't know the people they refer to as experts... what can I add?)#but... you have all these people who we can never bring back... let's at least stop adding more people to the list#if you don't support Ukraine I'm just telling you you're wrong; there's something you've been lied to about#can't tell you what cause I don't know; but I can tell you I'll know it when I hear it#I do mean it; you got good faith questions; I got good faith answers; and I'll back myself up with sources if you want#you give me time to track em down; I can find someone else reputable saying pretty much anything I want to say#russia out of Ukraine; russia stops bombing Ukraine; that's how to end this war; full stop#...Zelenskyy seems to have said more or less the same thing to Modi about peace plans just the other day#though he put it better in part cause he wasn't trying to fit it in tumblr tags#you know; roughly 'give us an actually workable peace and we'd love peace'#what can you do... I don't know? you got jake sullivan's ear to tell him to stop hamstringing Ukraine? let em hit airfields in russia?#given that you don't; I suppose I'm really just asking you to support Ukraine#probably not much more you can do... hell; post on tumblr are about all I can manage; saying stuff to family sometimes#you don't support Ukraine; come talk; I can give you a lot of reason why you should#pragmatic reasons why it benefits you personally; not just cause they shouldn't be bombed#Ukraine is a damn good ally and really needs to be brought into NATO; though I know they won't till after this is over#...anyway... point is I may get quiet but I never stop with this; it ain't going away#...as always there's really nothing I can say; just a big attack that happened and... I feel like saying something#feel like reminding you people Ukraine exists#I don't tend to talk current events unless I see no one talking about it#and I only ever see eastern Europeans talking about Ukraine#so that means I gotta talk about it sometimes
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i had so many things to do today, but i only wound up doing two. the two simplest things on the list, in fact. putting tabs on my sheet music and writing dates in my planner. no actual homework. (or more accurately, late work.) now a week of three classes' worth of work all has to be done tomorrow, and i already made plans with my friend for that afternoon. it's 1:32 in the morning. what am i doing anymore.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#one of my assignments not actually due monday (from a t/th class) is to write a poem using a technique in one of several poems showed to us#had to pick a poem and technique in class; i hadn't read the textbook excerpt so i picked a poem and talked right out of my ass#i wonder if i could use extensive personification and allusions to human society to describe the mess that is my brain#something something a city with horrible infrastructure where traffic sucks and it's hard to even get from place to place. or something.#bc Good Fucking God#this time around i've been honest about the fact i'm behind when people ask how i'm doing#i thought maybe if i were open for once instead of fibbing that i was on top of everything i'd be met with assistance#but i've just gotten hollow ''oh you'll be okay! you'll catch right back up''s#(y'all online have been lovely. i'm talking about my family)#for God's sake i want HELP. ADVICE. ANYTHING but platitudes#i don't know how to make myself DO this#literally the fucking meme of the drowning person reaching for help and receiving a high five for their troubles#...i need to go to bed. i'm gonna do that. maybe i'll feel less like a sack of pain and misery in the morning.#in the meantime if y'all have any advice for combating still-trying-to-find-the-right-medication-dosage ADHD pls share it#i'm fighting for my life rn. and losing. badly#(though kind words would be nice too i won't lie. it's just the way my family says them makes it sound like they aren't really listening)#or you could just scroll past this post idk. do what you want. it's your dashboard
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My mom got home and immediately handed me an ipod classic and said "[Patient] told me her ipod won't hold a charge anymore, so I told her you might be able to fix it, or at least show her how to rip the music library onto her computer"
and I said . "I've told you to stop telling people I can help them with technology ."
And then I noticed the ipod actually still had a full battery (but I'm sure, like my barely functioning ipod classic, within a few seconds-minutes the battery would die), so I glanced through the menus, mostly because I still feel very nostalgic for using ipods & find the tactile buttons/audible clicking/whirring to be a lot more appealing than keeping music on a purely touchscreen torture nexus, but I was also curious about how recent the music this patient listens to is
So I said . "Oh hey, she has Rick Astley on here!"
And after a few minutes she goes . "I have that fucking Rick Astley song stuck in my fucking head." and I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
#erin talks#text#footnotes:#1) I do actually keep music on my phone; there's 8848 songs on it & my phone regularly informs me we have less than 10% storage left#& I say <3 eat my entire ass [company] . I've been using spotify in recent yrs so I can use my music apps for audiostories#2) I know you can replace ipod batteries but it requires shit like soldering wires & I don't feel comfortable trying that#& I think I'd have to drive at least 2 hours to find someone I could pay to do it for me . which would still run the risk of destroying#the components that aren't being mass-produced anymore & are difficult to find#3) I unironically like never gonna give you up & used to listen to it for fun when I was really little . same with careless whisper#4) I wasn't Trying to get the song stuck in her head or annoy her when I said it but it was a fun side effect <3#5) I tend to really like songs she hates from her days of working retail & songs being overplayed#my favorite mj songs are the ones that are like . the equivalent of if I had a kid & they loved new rules by dua lipa#I genuinely like them tho it's not me trying to torture her 😭#6) I know everyone born in the 80's onward has the whole 'parent tells ppl they can help with technology thing'#but this specifically is bc when I was like 12 my laptop kicked the bucket & I had to find a way to save 4000+ songs from my ipod#I was very proud that I figured out a solution & didn't have to redownload all that music but like truly all you have to do is google#to see if a program that can do what you want . plz don't tell ppl I can figure anything out let them think I'm a dumb vapid zillenial 😭
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