#i love older queer people sm

[asaltysquid]

So my best friend in my building is a 50 something divorced Butch lesbian who moved in to take care of her mother and y a l l

We ran into each other today and she excitedly told me for easily a half hour how she just got a new girlfriend who is teaching her about bondage and kink. Only recently did she go to her first ever LGBT kink event. Also this is a first time she's ever had a girlfriend really give her gifts and show her tenderness and just...MAN.

Life is hard but it's beautiful and that doesn't dwindle with age. I have more in common with her than I do a straight cis peer in their 20s.

[empatheticpomegranite]

mob psycho feels so beautifully queer to me. like i know it wasn't really written that way but i find the dynamic in fandom between gay adults helping raise gay kids to be so comforting. maybe it's just because i have barely had any experiences with older queer people, but seeing it in media always has me mesmerized. i finished watching dungeon meshi a while ago but what really stood out to me is the pure representation of care between everyone involved. it doesn't mean that there isn't conflict, but that all of the characters have specific and interesting reasons for why their dynamic works and how they care for each other. i feel like that same sentiment is carried by mob psycho and i love it sm.

[avadmortain]

actually going insane over my new detective lexi & her dynamic with bobby because it’s just. completely different from canon— instead of bobby holding some sort of power over the detective it’s completely the other way around. so basically lexi was a year older than bobby and bobby always had the biggest crush on her, also possibly definitely also her queer awakening <3 anyways bobby finally plucks up the courage to talk to her & she can definitely tell that bobby likes her & humors her anyways stuff happens they sleep together with it being bobby’s first time 🫣 & they hook up a few times but for lexi it’s just a bit of casual fun nothing more while bobby is lowkey in love…..

anyways lexi is originally an oc from another story (this girlie is my current hyper fixation she has so much lore but i will refrain from rambling abt all of it for now yes that is a threat) so she actually comes back to wayhaven about 10+ years later & bobby is so confused on one hand she’s ecstatic because no one in wayhaven has managed to capture her attention quite like lexi. but also she’s just ??? lexi represented someone who got out. someone who was always bigger than this stupid town they both are irrevocably & unfortunately tied to. why is she back? putting that aside lexi still takes every opportunity to flirt w bobby & doesn’t find her annoying at all in fact finds her to be one of the few tolerable people in this town she loathes sm. but then bobby sees lexi & ava and it’s all just so HSJSJS

[anulithots]

We're off in some other dimension. (Banned from social media)

I because I can't have social media, I made my own:

It's still in the works but ta da ta da!

Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me so far, and I hope to see you all again one day!

(@sm-writes-chaos, thank you soooo much for the fanart)

Feel free to keep sending me things! I can see everything that I'm tagged in and asks and comments. (They get sent to my email.)

I may not be able to respond, but I always appreciate it! See me as benevolent internet being. Send me your stories, link click things, anime recs, anything and everything!

Current hyperfixations I'd love to ramble about:

Nightcord at 25 (the mizuki event I sob),

Arcane

Bocchi the Rock,

Link Click (I have yet to rewatch the first season this month),

Sherlock Holmes

and I"m always open to seeing things/talking about things in cellular biology <3

(Not so quick, sorry I ramble) Quick info:

Hello hello, my name's Noor, (they/them, fae/faer, it/its).

I have some semblance of a human-like flesh, but in reality I'm a conglomerate of stories and shadows, which I hoard like a dragon

I'm aspec and genderfluid. Where on the aroace spectrum? Yes. (Basically, I'm a queer platonic sap, hi)

Fandoms: Link Click, Kasane Teto, Arcane, Sherlock Holmes, Nightcord at 25 and Project Sekai, Qualia the purple, Jujutsu Kaisen, Alien stage, the Girl from the Other Side, the Little Prince, Autodale/the dead sound short films.

Song artists: Eve, BaishaJAWS, Waisa Project, Marina and the Diamonds, Mitski, Yaelkore, Kasane teto, Ado, 告五天, Vaundy

I will ship queer platonically, fandoms are missing out on queer platonic ships THEY ARE SO WONDEROUS AKJDFKLSDLKFj

I favor themes and character development and overanalyze everything, to the point where my thoughts contain more of my existence than existence itself.

my responsibility avoidance has caught up to me yet I'm still here

Things I have a strange amount of information on: Biology (particularly apoptosis and caspases), the mycorrhizal system and trees, rhetorical devices and storytelling, marketing, editing, quantum physics, character analysis, random theoretical and phycological musings, spirituality but we don't talk about that, basically nothing practical whatsoever.

Least favorite things: chairs, shoes, grocery stores, the looming doom of being independent, grass lawns, the school system, apathy, being told to 'go to sleep at a reasonable time', executive dysfunction

Fun fact: My life's purpose is to turn the subjects I like (like biology) into stories (an episodic narrative about a caspase trying to find meaning in life before they destroy the cell and end it all).

Writing book recommendations: Story genius and word painting

I also make dolls

In other news, since large Anuli doll has been... ruined. I make a tiny one, I'll upload picutures on youtube at somepoint. NIce to see you all! If you wish to respond, feel free to tag me in a reblog!

@osbob-the-existent @starryeyeddarlings @sleepy-vix @sea-dwelling-wizard

Original is here <-- intro post. It's older.

Thank you to everyone who reads my ramblings and likes my stories, you all mean the world to me and I can't thank you enough. <3

The dearest, most wonderous people, otherwise known as the lotff tag list:

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @full-on-sam

@osbob-the-existent @awleeofficial

@clearcloudlesssky @gummybugg @sleepy-vix @starryeyeddarlings

@sea-dwelling-wizard @snowpoet123 @ashirisu 

lmk if you'd like to be added or removed <3 🌿

Link Click Hyperfixation

Otherwise known as Cheng Xiaoshi, his sister, and his queer platonic bf all get traumatized as they break the space time continuum.

GIF by bishonenlover

What shall I say? The subtle buildup of Cheng Xiaoshi's backstory, the way it gets more and more tragic and nuanced as it parallels with those he possesses? The way he can adapt and strategize for the given situation (despite the fact that everyone sees him as just a silly), how he continues to wait for his parents, how he loves Lu Guang so much he would lose him just to respect his wishes, how his emotional connection with those he possesses overwhelms him and it's. so. tragic.

Lu Guang's adherence to the rules to the point where he's ripping at the seams, how he teases Cheng Xiaoshi even more than Cheng XIaoshi does to him (yes even with his stoic character. He's so silly... also season two), how he has the most queer platonic coded relationship with Cheng Xiaoshi ever?

Qiao Ling and her avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, the way she canonically called Cheng Xiaoshi her brother and is the only one able to connect with Xixi, how she's actually the only levelheaded character here? (Shee'sss sooo prettyyy I lovvee herrr)

Jujutsu Kaisen Hyperfixation

GIF by heycaz

As the name suggests, I am hyperfixated. I have also written essays analyzing these characters. Be very afraid. And/or come suffer with me /pos

Also also, for those who don't want to see any JJK smut, this blog should be safe for you! <3 I ship Satosugu but in a... transcend labels, queer platonic flavor sort of way. And I flipflop on itafushi. Either way they are soul mates and labels are just extra. Found family dynamics and everlasting friendships/comfort people are peak fiction for me.

Anuli's favorite stories

Favorite writeblrs and stories from tumblr

The Land of the Fallen Fairies

A character-centric commentary on the pursuit of happiness, told by tree fairies.

zine

Which one my characters are you? Uquiz (Includes Anuli, Kamari, and two other characters not mentioned.)

This has changed a lot. I'll write something here eventually.

[kruemel8]

"Absolutely and I feel like he’s rebranding (catering to a more adult audience)." Agreed; I have to say I honestly welcome his rebranding choices. While Omar has got his completely own thing going, having a slightly older audience like eg. Troye does will give him a lot more artistic freedom to authentically express himself! I can't wait to see what he'll do with that! This is coming from someone who LOVED going to Omar's Gröna concert but who was a little surprised at how young everyone there was, I felt a lil out of place even being in my mid twenties. I (selfishly) hope this will change a little bit. Do you think it's his concious decision to cater to slightly older audiences? Do you think him going to that queer song writing camp might have helped him make that decision?

Do you think it's his concious decision to cater to slightly older audiences?

Yes, I think so. Maybe the process started with signing to Elektra. He said his new music will be authentically him and the beginning of a new era.

Do you think him going to that queer song writing camp might have helped him make that decision?

No, I think the decision was made earlier. But it’s always good to write with like minded people. He looked very happy and at ease in that video.

We have seen a change in how he handles sm too but that might be a very recent decision.

[statementlou]

Thinking again about how the other day that anon wrote me wondering why Louis was so popular with older adult women and I had a couple ideas but was basically like idk IS he or is it just the same amount as any other pop star but then the other day BBC posted that video of 1D members doing 1D songs* solo without Louis in it and the post was like go comment on all these platforms and I was like what the heck it's not like I use my facebook for much else- but that meant I ended up looking a few times at the other comments (being mad about Louis' exclusion) and like I KNOW it's FB so ofc it's skewed by who uses that... but like damn, there ARE a lot of middle aged and older ladies for Louis! Like A LOT!! So again I am thinking about it and I would love to know what other people think might be the reason... my ideas plus footnote under cut-

~He’s so fucking SMART and the older you get the more appealing and necessary that is to appreciate someone. ~His music has always been in large part 90s style stuff which may draw in folks who already loved that kind of music because they’re old enough to remember it. ~We’re queer and were drawn into this fandom by crying our eyes out over how beautiful baby Harry and Louis were together and wanted to give them the world and protect them (is this age dependent? see below for why maybe I guess but idk) But my top theory is that ~it's based on the combination of him being this beautiful goodhearted boy all the shitty things we saw happening to him for so long and wanting so much to be able to DO SOMETHING, to make things better for him and give him everything. Not saying this is age based but maybe this works more strongly on older folks than on people who feel like they are in the same boat? Anyway would love to hear if other people think 1) there are more older louies than other celeb fandoms/ the other members of 1Ds solo fandoms and 2) if so what do you think it is about Louis? or 3) no, all these things apply to me but I'm only (whatever young age) so that can't be it

*I have since figured out why they did that and it isn't because Louis is blacklisted or whatever it's because they just pulled their footage that they own of 3 of them playing BBC Big Weekend which Louis hasn't done, and footage of Zayn from his public insta, which isn't something they could do for Louis- to include him they would have had to like get footage from his management or something they can't just use whatever off youtube and it was just a silly SM post they weren't gonna do all that

[subterra-rose]

I love Raeda sm not only bc it’s older queer people, but also because not all relationships work out! It’s fine to grow apart and come back to a relationship once you’ve changed, sometimes there’s points where it ends or you don’t mesh with someone anymore, that doesn’t mean you can’t try again later

[bitchesmoonwalkin]

The way I was at an info session for smth & got asked for my instagram not by any of the other people attending the session but rather one of the q&a people, who is 3(?) years older than me and the most stereotypically gay man I've ever met

He's so iconic please I wanna be his friend so bad

Bc I was asking about the queer culture here (since if I take this opportunity I'll be moving here) & the way he immediately started telling me all about it & then looked incredibly panicked and asked if I was 18 yet 😭 the second I said yes he was like okay so here's the deal & immediately started talking simultaneously about poetry readings and queer hookup culture

He kept leaning in like to talk rly low bc,,,this was Not what the info session was about

& eventually he was like "okay I'm not meant to do this but give me your phone and open it to notes app so it looks like I'm typing smth informative" and gave me his Instagram bc "I really like your vibe"

AND WE HAVE MATCHING USERNAMES (both ending in _xcx_ ) he was "literally gagged"

& his bio is "academic weapon and occasional twunk"

Anyways when we left I was like okay bye fully not expecting him to ever reach out but he was like "I'll talk to you later" and he REACHED OUT WITHIN THE HOUR??? I didn't even follow him first he remembered my username from when I showed him the matching

Anyways yes I love this diva sm

[shakescr4zyy]

COMING BACK (+ Killbotrocker hcs part 2 :3)

HI EVERYONE!!

I js wanted to say that I'm sorry,, I didn't have enough motivation and ideas to write the Freda x Tabitha prompt-

soo,, yall have to wait for it a little-

but,, meanwhile,, I HAVE MORE THUNDERCLEESE X CARL HCS!!!

(warning/just to clarify: Ik some things of the ATHF series aren't completely canon,, bc there's no canon actually and continuity doesn't exist lmao,, but I'm introducing sm "facts" abt Carl in this case,, showed in the series or another media where he appears - same with Thunder - hope u enjoy!! ^_^)

☆ • ☆ • ☆

• Carl didn't only introduce Thunder to rock,, but introduced him to sports and made him a fan of the same team as him (GIANTS!!) so now they spend time making their hypothetical sport podcast and watching every match they can together :333

• Before meeting Thunder,, Carl HATED physical contact or affection. He hated people who touched him,, hugged him,, etc. (He also wasn't used to it,, since no one did something like that to him during his life) But when Thunder came to his life,, everything literally changed. Now he allows his boyfriend to hug him,, kiss him or caress him - and he does the same with the robot -

• Not very long ago,, Carl's mother died. He didn't know her too much,, since he didn't even met her when he was born,, but saw her once or twice. He loved her,, in his own way atleast. He appreciated her,, even if she wasn't accompanying him in his childhood. He knew what happened to her while he was living with his father. Anyways. . . Thunder went with him to the graveyard,, to greet her after her death. Carl just thanked her,, for being willing to have him. And said that even if she wasn't enough time with him,, he really loved her. . . And even if she was mentally ill,, he still loved her. Oh,, and introduced her to Thunder a little bit.

• "What about Carl's father?" Well. . . Let's just say that Carl gave him what he deserved (he reported him for child exploitation and was sent to jail) After a really long time since he was older enough to leave home,, he didn't wanted to see him again. But Thunder was really intrigued about his father,, so they visited him. He just looked at his son and his son's boyfriend with disgust,, and ordered them to get the f*ck out. Soooo yeah,, nothing really good about that family reunion.

• Their first "date" (Their first time being alone,, together,, in the same place,, before being a couple) was just them listening to each other's favorite music. That was the most romantic experience they've ever lived.

• Shake supports them. . . In his own way (Mocking them,, but affectionately bc he knows he's one of those queers himself lmao) And Meatwad. . . U know he's okay with almost anything. No thoughts,, just happiness.

• CARL LOVES KILLER ROBOTS!!!

♡ • ♡ • ♡

Anddd well,, that's all (FOR NOW NYEHEHRHEJ)

Hope u have a great day,, and stay safe.

BYEEEE!!!

[milkbreadtoast]

Your ouran thoughts are so *chef's kiss* thank you for pointing out the whole haruhi gender thing bc as a trans person myself it always rubbed me the wrong way too how it got treated

🥹🥹🥹THANK U FOR READING MY OURAN THOUGHTS... this is 1 of the first animes ive ever watched so its rly formative/influential for me and ive rewatched it several times over the yrs and noticed more things and watched my opinions of the show and charas grow and change... Haruhi is 1 of my first encounters(actually i think the first) w a nonbinary chara in media and I love everything about their chara and the way they were written (and I love the whole concept of them being the protag of a shoujo harem anime despite being nonbinary and very aro/ace... a host who woos girls at that)... I especially love the way she doesnt change herself for anyone, keeps being authentically herself the entire anime in a way that touches and changes the rest of the cast too... like 1 little detail that symbolizes this well is the personal pronouns they use in jp... Altho they tried using "ore" a few times causing tamaki to freak out (HE SHOULDVE LET HER😒).. the main personal pronoun they use is "jibun"(lit: self, oneself), and it's a gender neutral pronoun... and importantly, they consistently use "jibun", whether it's before becoming a host(in middle school, when passing/being seen as a "girl"), as a host(while passing/being seen as a "boy"), and just out in daily life... Just as she doesnt change herself or act differently in all those contexts, and is just authentically herself, regardless of how people see her... and consistent with her belief that gender and outward appearance doesn't matter, it's one's personality/who they are underneath that does...

Haruhi and Tamaki form strong narrative parallels to each other because they both suddenly came into the lives of all the other host club members, were able to see them for who they really are (and not just the facade they put on for others), and just by being their genuine selves, touch and impact them deeply, even alter the course of their lives (some more than others, like tamaki for kyouya and haruhi being the first 1 to be able to differentiate the twins)..... And this is why I think it's... unfortunate that Tamaki was written the way he was, as so close-minded in his views on gender(and sexuality), bc 1 of the core traits of his character is being otherwise open minded and extremely empathetic... the dichotomy of his chara is despite being a "vain idiot" obsessed w looks and himself, he still shows this surprising depth and ability to read others... And of course I don't think it's surprising at all for him to have these transphobic and homophobic views, given he's a teen with a rich sheltered upbringing and all, so it was prob just. Sigh. ingrained in him bc thats how he was raised but.... narratively, with the way his character is otherwise so open (and bro is literally bi too😭) it really is unfortunate... Like his openmindedness is 1 of the strongpoints of his character (like how he wasn't put off at all when he saw Kyouya's "true face"...) And I think it goes against his nature, so I hope that once he gets older he starts to listen to the trans/nb/gnc ppl in his life and change his views... LIKE HARUHI... WHICH IS WHY ITS SO STRANGE. That he never once listens to them abt their gender the entire series... and he cares abt her sm YET doesnt listen and repeatedly, stubbornly tells her shes wrong and that she needs to be more feminine.... ugh. Yeah it's painful... And then with the way the manga ends with haruhi marrying tamaki and having babies and growing her hair out and becoming more feminine, as if it was all just a phase... *Agonized* ...Tbh I really do think. That this is the product of the (presumably cis) author not knowing enough abt the trans(/queer/lgbt) experience to know what to do with the amazing, nonconforming characters they created... I really do feel like if Ouran was an anime made today, and the author was more informed about LGBT issues and experiences, Tamaki could've been written differently and maybe more accepting and open toward's Haruhi's views on gender... Sigh... Anyway rip. Tfw a work so virulently transphobic and homophobic and a product of its time can also have some of the most compelling trans and gay characters and have sm poignant scenes that stand the test of time... Ouran my problematic beloved 🥲🥹

[corn-fanfiction]

Oh My Love (Damien Karras x GN Reader Pt. 3)

(Pt. 2) (Pt. 4)

“This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

-

Rating: M

Tags: religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, priest kink, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, gn reader, queer characters, realistic depictions of anxiety attacks, s*icide, foul language, eventual sm*t

December

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to people of good

will. We praise you, we bless you,

we adore you, we glorify you,

we give you thanks for your great glory,

Lord God, heavenly King, O God, almighty Father… ”

Karras’s prayer rings out within the church and is reciprocated by the congregation. You sit in a back corner by the pipe organ, reading an unpublished chapter of Father Merrin’s latest dig report (which you still can't believe he loaned you). Truth be told, you do still yearn a little for the high arches and warm sounds of a nave. A corner of your heart aches for the carpeted floors and creaking pews, the light streaming in through stained glass depicting saints and martyrs.

Your eyes drift to Betty, the organist, and her nimble hands on the keys. She's older than you but not elderly, maybe 40s, and has proven to be kindly and realistic: your two favorite traits. You love listening to her play. She's always in the pocket of the rhythm which keeps you on your toes. It's easy to get distracted by her playing.

Except you don't get distracted from Father Karras suddenly pausing during his recitations. You lower your reading and furrow your brows in curiosity. You give Betty a glance and she shrugs her shoulders and continues playing.

When you look back to Karras he's back into his flow, but you see his eyes flick up to the congregation, then to you, the back down to the prayer book. You're hesitant to let it go, but you force yourself to keep reading and check on him later.

He has office hours. He said so. So it would be no problem at all for you to pay him a visit. Right? Right???

Right. So, you gather your courage and knock on the door to the little white cottage out the side of the church..

“Come in.”

You let yourself in. Damien's desk is situated against the right wall and he turns to you when you enter.

“Y/n,” He says, his eyes betraying a slight surprise.

“May I come in?”

“Of course. Can I get you anything, coffee, water, tea?” He stands from his desk and moves to get you a drink and you sit.

“No thanks, I'm good.”

He stops, awkwardly grips his hand like he’s missing something, then returns to his seat, but moves it to face you.

“Alright. So how are you settling in? How are you feeling?”

You shouldn’t be surprised he’d ask about your wellbeing. It’s his job. You give a tight smile.

“Good.”

He nods.

“Good.”

“Say; and I hope this isn't too presumptuous, but I wanted to ask…are you okay? I mean, I've only noticed the past couple weeks you've been…distracted, I suppose. And I think I wouldn't have been able to go around if I didn't check on you.”

Maybe it’s the priest in him, but for a moment you notice a flash of something across his dark countenance. But just as soon as you see it, it is gone.

“I'm fine, thank you for asking. What about you?”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Me?”

He splays his hands like it’s obvious.

“I can imagine the transition from Rome back to Georgetown could be jarring.”

You nod thoughtfully.

“It is, but at least it's familiar.”

“Have you seen your family at all?”

The question catches you off guard. Your pulse quickens and you palms sweat. How- does he not know?

“I'm sorry?”

“Your family, Joseph Dyer said that you had family nearby.”

Oh. Oh, he didn’t know. You suppose there’s no reason any of them should. Still, it’s unsettling.

“Oh, he must have misunderstood, or maybe I wasn't clear. My family passed in a house fire when I was in Rome.”

Damien’s face darkens. “Oh, I'm sorry.”

You shake the sentiment away as you’ve heard it a hundred times. It’s not that you don’t believe him or can’t appreciate it, but after so long the words lose meaning.

“No, don't be. Georgetown was my brother's favorite place. It reminds me of him.”

Damien relaxes into his chair.

“What was his name?”

“William. He was younger than me.”

“Tell me about him.”

“Um, he was inexhaustibly kind, but hilarious. I mean he was the funniest person I knew.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I think you two would've gotten along great. He was brilliant. He uh, wanted to be a civil engineer when he got out of school. He was 19.”

“He sounds like a wonderful young man.”

“He was.” You sniffle as tears began to fall. “Shit, are you gonna have to bill me?”

Damien laughs, actually laughs for the first time in front of you. Everything else up till now has been guarded chuckles and passive hums.

“No. Technically since you're a student you're entitled to free therapy.”

“Hm. Good to know.” You wait a moment, watching him. “You’re sure you’re fine?”

The lie slips from his lips with ease.

“Yes.”

“You know it’s a sin to tell a lie. Ink Spots said so.”

Back to a hum.

“I’ll keep it in mind. Is there anything else?”

Oh. Does he want you to leave?

You wring your hands in your lap but shake your head.

“No, that was all.”

You stand to go and Damien sees you out. As you exit, a young priest passes you to visit Damien, and when you turn around to give a final parting, the door has already closed.

The next morning you are right on time for the daily jog. It’s not every day, but often that you and Damien cross paths here. But today, you’re alone.

That’s strange. Where is he?

No water bottle or towel in sight. The early morning is clear and cold and you can see around the entire track. No, totally alone.

You try not to dwell too much on it. It is getting colder every day, perhaps he’s sensitive to it. Maybe he has early mass this morning and you simply forgot. All of those seem more settling than the alternative that your gut twists into a likely truth. That he was lying yesterday.

When you make your first lap and return to the bleachers, there he is, setting down his things and removing his windbreaker to reveal his sweatshirt underneath. You slow before him but he doesn’t look at you.

“Wow, I’m never here before you. Everything alright?”

Damien nods but when you catch even the side of his face, markings of haggardness and exhaustion are evident in the droop of his eyes, the lines of his face.

“Sure. Had a bit of a time getting up this morning.”

You brace your hands on your hips.

Ah. Fuck it.

“I understand that. Listen, Father…” You catch yourself. Maybe you’ll have better luck with the personal angle. “ Damien . Would you want to see a movie tomorrow? They’re showing It’s a Wonderful Life at the theater and I go every time it’s on. I like to sit in the back and make stupid commentary and…” You notice now that he’s looking at you and grinning. “...I’m not selling this, am I?”

“On the contrary, I’d say you made a compelling case. Sure, why not?”

A wide grin breaks across your face that you don’t try to hide. “Alright. I’ll pick you up at the cottage. Five alright?”

“Five is fine. Alright, care to run?”

Well, of course you’re distracted for the rest of the day, and how could you not be? You’re only going to be sharing your favorite movie with someone you now consider a good friend.

It has to cheer him up , you think. It simply has to.

The next day you actually have to attend a lecture, so you tuck yourself into a seat in the back of the hall and scribble mindlessly on your notepad. You have to start writing your thesis soon and you have to admit to yourself that you haven’t exactly made strides on it.The book of hymns proved fruitful, but you were otherwise occupied with Father Merrin’s report. That, and thoughts of a dark haired priest.

The bell rings and your stomach knots. Doubt creeps in.

Gee, what if this was the wrong move? I mean, what do you expect?

Your professor calls your name before you have a chance to dart out. Dr. Lance, an aging woman in her sixties, smart spectacles perched on a small nose, approaches you, her large frame taking only a few strides before she is upon you.

“I couldn’t help but notice you sitting in the back today.”

You blush and hold your books closer to your chest. “Yes, I’m not feeling well and wanted to be close to the exit in case I needed to leave. I didn’t want to be a distraction.”

Dr. Lance hums. “How are things at the church?”

“They’re fine. I’m learning lots.”

“Good. I’ve spoken with Father Merrin a handful of times-”

“I didn’t realize you knew him.”

“Oh, yes. Going on two decades now. He told me that you’ve been spending quite a bit of time reading his Kuwait Report, and spending time with one of the priests. What was his name?”

You swallow through a dry throat. “Father Karras?”

“Yes, that was it. Kind man. I understand it’s a new environment with many points of interest, but I have a responsibility to remind you of your purpose there. I’m sure Lankester’s report is fascinating, but will it aid you in your thesis?”

You force yourself to meet her eyes. “No, probably not.”

“I’m not dictating your free time, mind you. You’re a grad student, you’re an adult. But I also know how an experience like this can host distractions.”

You had been ready to flee the conversation at the soonest chance, but you linger at her words.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for the sake of professionalism, I’ll simply say that…well, institutions often have a way of drawing us in before we really know we’re there.”

And God help you, you laugh. Dr. Lance’s brows pull together in scrutiny.

“What?”

“It’s just…the idea of being tempted by a church . It’s funny, is all.”

Dr. Lance seemed to be out of things to say so she lets you go. You rush back to your apartment and tear through your closet, your conversation shaving off five minutes of your time, that and the class had run over a bit. You're stuck on what to wear. Not too casual, but not too flirty. Definitely not anything flirty. Maybe something that makes you feel beautiful, handsome, nice. Yes, that's it. Nice.

So you find something nice and adjust your appearance in the mirror. A brush here, a flick there; maybe he won't notice. Maybe he will.

You arrive at the cottage at 4:57. You're glad you wore a coat as the wind breaks through the scraggly trees and bare shrubberies.

At 5:02 the screen door to the cottage opens and Damien steps out in his windbreaker. He notices you appearance almost immediately and smiles as he locks the door behind him.

“Well, you look nice. Now I feel underdressed.”

Nice.

“Well, there's probably still enough time to throw on a cassock if that's fancy enough.”

He laughs at you again and you two begin walking. You crane your neck over to look at his shirt. He leans away.

“What?”

“Your collar. You're not wearing it. I didn't think you all were allowed out without them.”

It's true, Damien is wearing a corded black turtleneck, something that compliments him quite nicely.

“Well, we wouldn't want everyone to know.”

“That you're a priest?”

“Sure. Aside from the hundred something people we see every week in mass, it's a phenomenally well kept secret.”

You throw your head back in laughter. He seems to be in better spirits. Good , you think.

You two approach the kiosk and you insist on paying for both the tickets.

“Priests resign themselves to a life of poverty, right? Consider it a donation to the church.”

It's a joke and one he mildly chuckles at, but seems to maybe lower his head when the ticketer hands you back the tiny slips of paper.

“First room on the right.”

As the two of you walk in, you begin to ponder. Perhaps he was telling a partial truth earlier. Perhaps he forwent the collar so people wouldn't recognize a priest out with a grad student. But why would they care? Georgetown was overflowing with Jesuits and students. Surely there's bound to be overlap.

Still, there's something knocking at the back of your brain. Almost as if you feel it too. Some foreign scrutiny that you can fight all you want to dismiss as ridiculous, presumptuous. But still.

You two make it to the back of the auditorium and settle into your seats. There's only a handful of other couples dispersed throughout.

Other ?

You focus on the film.

“What's wrong, is he sick?”

“Worse, he's discouraged.”

This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

By the time George and Mary are walking back from the party, your feet are propped up on the empty seat in front of you and you and Damien are both munching on a bag of popcorn you left to get earlier.

“ Oh buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight. Buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, aaaaand dance by the light of the moon.”

You sing along quietly, knocking your feet together lightly. If you weren't so engrossed in one of your favorite scenes, you would notice Damien watching you.

“I thought you didn't like romance movies.”

You flash him a grin. “Eh. This doesn't count.”

But when Mary and George draw close together and it seems as though they may just kiss, you feel that same flutter you get in your chest every time.

Oh, what you wouldn't give to be looked at like that.

If you were paying even a little more attention, you may be thinking that you were.

After the movie, he offers to walk you home. You accept.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight. I get a lot more strange looks when I go by myself.”

“Well, thanks for getting me out. I don't really do these kinds of things. I'm not sure why. I suppose I have the time.”

“Sometimes it just takes someone asking, you know?”

He gives you a loaded look. “Yeah, I do.”

Whatever his intended implication is, you fight a blush. You chalk it up to the cold. You two approach your apartment. You fiddle with your keys.

“Would you like to come up for a few minutes? Warm up?”

And that’s all you want. Just to offer him brief shelter. He looks at the ground and you already know his reply.

“I’m not sure I should. It’s getting late.”

Ah. He can color it any way he likes but you know the true meaning of his words. You bite your lip- an anxious habit your mother had always discouraged.

“Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?”

His eyes widen. “No- goodness, no. I have the five o’clock mass tomorrow.”

“Makes sense.”

“Which means I won’t be at the track, either.”

“It’s fine.” You give him a smile. “Well, goodnight, Father.”

You turn to leave but a hand reaches out and catches your arm. Not a grab or a grip, but a gentle laying upon your coat. You face him again.

“I really do hate to cancel on you.”

“It’s fine, Damien. Really.”

He presses his lips together in measured thought. “It’s nothing else.”

You search his eyes for some truth. What does he mean ? It’s nothing but circumstance that he can’t come up, can’t meet tomorrow morning? Or is it something worse: the time spent is nothing else? You know what the else is. It’s gut-wrenchingly devastating, despite your supposed absence of expectations.

“Alright,” is all you can think to say. You move from his touch and return to your apartment. From the window facing the street, you watch as he rubs his mouth, glances out to the street, and then eventually makes his careful way back to the cottage. You draw a bath and heat up some tea. Both scalding waters still can’t manage to quell the chill within.

[pridewishes]

no hate directed at you AT ALL, i love your icons sm and you seem so sweet. but how come you take requests for homestuck? im kinda surprised it's not on the blacklist tbh, especially because you're autistic.

idc about editing for it ik it has issues and I expect people requesting to know the issues. i was pretty involved in it way back when we were younger and now thst im older i realize a lot of issues it had but it also helped a lot of queer kids and ik a lot of nonwhite queer kids too found place w it. so yeah that's how i feel abt it. it's got a lot of ableism and racism thats just plain gross so ya. even then there's characters i refuse to edit for from it bc of the issues so hope this makes sense 👍

[jemmo]

For the ask game: 14?

thank you sm for the ask ☺

14. bl you think is underrated

ooh this is a tricky one, bc i can definitely tell you what i think is overrated (but thats not the question...), plus im always gonna think my favourites are underrated bc everyone should love them but i digress. i wanna highlight 3 shows/things bc the first one is a short series and then a movie and thats his. idk if it's bc its a few years old now but when i watched this show and then the film i just adored it. first of all, the show is the perfect kind of chill watch where not really much happens and yet a lot happens?? thats how me and my sister affectionately describe our favourite kind of shows bc they deal in the normal and everyday and manage to make it seem huge and beautiful and this series does that with one of my favourite tropes that i love to see crop up in j-bls which is an escape to the beach (and later the countryside), plus the show has the most awesome and well done early 2000s aesthetic that just fills me with nostalgia. but the film is a whole other thing. it pulls an old fashioned cupcake/cherry magic and gives us adults but unlike them shows us a story that is very grounded and real and serious, like they really said lets take this bl and actually make it a story about parenting and what a family can be and show just how complicated it all is and sometimes there is no winning and thats life. god its just beautiful, and theres still a deep and meaningful love story at the heart of it. just go watch it now if you haven't, or rewatch it if you haven't for a while.

second im picking eien no kinou and im prefacing this by saying i get why less people talk about this bc its not fun and some people dont wanna watch a story they know will be sad, but its also so important that it exists and i think it touches on some really tough topics and manages to tell them beautifully. and bc i havent seen much of what ppl say about this, idk what any consensus takes are but i felt very emotional watching this through the lens of erasure of queer relationships when it comes to loss, how sometimes when people aren't out or cant share their relationship, they become lost, or invisible, when someone is lost. and i mean... the queer experience is all-encompassing and such grief is something that should also be talked about when queerness can affect that process in a specific way, and while i dont think its easy to watch or revisit, its nevertheless important and beautiful

ive talked about some more heavy shows so i'm ending with if its with you, which is recent but even i pushed it to the side a little bc i liked i cannot reach you so much, but this show is kinda like the opposite to the ones above. i feel like people like a middle ground in their shows between drama and comfort, so while people dont talk as much about serious or sad shows, they also dont talk about the shows that are just nice. and this show is just that, bc its all about teaching someone thats had a bad experience that there is simple kindness in the world and its so heart-warming. i'll never forget the way ryuuji responded in that last ep when amane got nervous around the other kids, how he thought it would be this big think that he'd be mad about bc that's what happens in every show, but ryuuji was just like yeah its ok i understand and im not mad. just the pure kindness this show has to people feeling the way they feel is so refreshing and beautiful and it captures the high school simplicity of it all in a way that makes you step back as someone older and think huh yeah it really is just that easy, its just about happiness.

anyway, between this and the last response, i think by j-bl bias is jumping out a bit too much but thats the end of my rant, thank you for coming to my ted talk

❤️🧡💛bl ask game💚💙💜

[daveyfvckingjacobs]

Please may I hear more about Fox? Always enticed to hear abt people's OCs👀👉👈

fox fox fox fox!!!!

I am so here for ocs who aren’t newsies and think there should be more of them so that’s why he exists :]

in basic terms he’s a pickpocket/fist for hire, though he makes most of his living off the former. he’s pretty friendly with oscar and morris, having spent some time in the refuge with them when he was ten (originally he was shipped with oscar but I much prefer aroace oscar so now he’s just the annoying friend who hangs around the tills when you’re trying to work at spar or smthn, and shipped with a friends oc)

canon era fox uses just he/him, modern it/he, in both simply identifies as queer and is nineteen. he’s a relatively laid back kind of person, usually more quick to poke fun, goad and be infuriating than start physical altercations when he doesn’t have to, but he’ll do anything if he’s paid, but very selfish. he only looks out for himself. he likes to hang around the circulation gates every morning to piss of the newsies by stealing from them (before usually getting chased away) and morris and oscar basically tolerate him half of the time, though they have a sort of deal going: they involve him in their side jobs and he splits some of what he makes thieving (they’re closer in modern tho, having spent longer together in care than the short refuge spell)

he pretends the the name fox comes from his personality (which fits him to a t, so no one questions it), but in reality it was a misunderstanding. when he was in the refuge, he got beat pretty bad by the cop that arrested him and it left his mouth very swollen, so he couldn’t really speak properly. when asked his name, he tried to say felix but it was misheard as fox and he was too tired to correct anyone. by the time he go out fox had stuck, and he prefers people not knowing his real name because it’s all he has left of his folks and he likes that being private

he had a father, mother and older sister who were all killed in a fire that went through his building when he was seven. he misses them immensely but one talk about it to anyone (even bullseye, his partner) and has spent the rest of his life on the street. for a while between seven and ten he was with my group of other ocs who set him on a track he could have avoided (a gang of sorts, led by kingfisher) and learned a lot of little survival tricks from them, but left sharpish because he realised how twisted it was, encouraged by soap. the rest of his pickpocket skills he taught to himself because the damage kingfisher and his lot had done was permanent

I love talking about him sm he’s my fav oc my horrible little guy aah

[eddiediaaz]

Hey, thanks sm for your reply, it made me feel better! Here's my update lol: I basically pretended I hadn't watched the episode yet and casually mentioned that I'd heard there were going to be a lot of Buck scenes and that he would apparently experience sth new. I said I had my suspicions what would happen and asked if he had any but he didn't. During the episode I could tell he didn't pick up on anything so I was a bit stressed. When Tommy came to Buck's flat I said 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' and he was like 'Huh?' Only when they were standing real close he said 'Hold on' and then was silent until it ended. His first comment was 'I don't like this' but we talked for a bit and I said I always had my suspicions and told him why I personally thought it made sense and then he kinda softened to the idea. In the end he was even like 'Well, I'm sure he'll find a nice boyfriend or girlfriend. He seems happy like this.' So, success I guess?!

heyy i'm glad it helped :) and thank you for the update omg! i love this! it's definitely success, in my opinion. i can't blame people that are not used to queer stories going uh? the difference here is that he was open to the discussion and listened to you. i think it's great! and i'm sure 7x05 will dwelve into these new feelings and provide an actual on-text explanation for these people that still don't get it and felt like this bi buck arc was a curve ball. i just love it when someone stays open minded, you know? especially an older straight man lol

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

heartstopper means so much to me for so many reasons that i struggle to convey.

For one , it’s so inspiring and hopeful to see such a positive and unabashedly proud display of different queer identities and experiences. The way it shows the positives and negatives for different people and the difference in journeys that people go on ? it makes me so emotional and joyful to have that represented and to be able to resonate with so many characters simultaneously. From Charlie and Nicks almost “classic” love story to the experience of queer love later in life with the teachers, Elles experiences in her gender and just so much more rlly being me such joy to see, it’s so important to know that there IS a future as a queer person and that’s there’s people who love and accept u for who you are, that even if you don’t get the teen queer love experience that a lot of the characters do , there’s still those opportunities later in life.

There’s one scene in Paris aswell that meant a lot to me , when Charlie and Nick are walking along and see an openly gay couple and i just think it shows how much of an impact seeing older and out queer people has on us , knowing that maybe you can be safe, and loved and have a future that’s happy like idk it’s just so moving to me.

Tara and Darcys struggles also spoke to me alot with both Darcys home life resonating with me and Taras learning to accept and call herself a lesbian. I feel like that’s a very prevalent issue alot of lesbians i know went through and i loved seeing it spoken about and having their relationship being treated with such care was so meaningful to me, it wasn’t treated as less than any of the other relationships which i feel is often the case in sapphic relationships so that just made me really happy.

Elles experiences with finding more of a community in which she can express herself and feel more comfortable and confident in her identity meant SO much to me i could talk about it all day , having a space to be openly queer is so important and having recently found people who i can be myself around and experience my gender and queerness how i want to unafraid of judgement is just so special to me so her journey throughout the seasons of navigating her relationships and such is just really really special to me and i love her sm.

there’s so many characters and so many more moments that i could talk about but i’m unsure on how to word them rn so i’ll come back to it but basicallt heartstopper sometiems gets a negative reaction because it’s “cheesy” and “cringe “ but i for one have always needed something like it in my life , i think queer people deserve to have happy , silly and fun representation of how their life could be and how it deserves to be, we deserve cheesy and normal and loving representation in film and tv especially by other queer ppl , reading the graphic novels a few years ago helped me a lot and gave me such a different perspective on my experiences and gave me some hope , and gave me characters who had experiences close to mine who got to have their happy endings and i’d struggled to find that so i’m not gonna stop praising it for how wonderful and meaningful it is and how much i love all the characters and their stories and how brilliantly i think the actors portray their characters and the storylines.

anyways, season 2 was so so good and i can’t stop thinking about it , it’s so special to me and i love them all