#i love how different feelings and emotions are dealt with in this manga and how affective they are for even the reader (or at least me)

[thakgayihunyaar]

rereading ch 117 and it's still kind of hard for me to wrap my head around rudo's demeanor towards follo. he does seem a bit standoffish with how blatantly he refuses to accept the new uniform from him, regardless of the whole "don't tell your fellow cleaners anything" situation with kuro and the chokers. and it's understandable why follo feels the way he does, especially with how he's already battling conflicting thoughts. and then his gesture of goodwill is rejected and it's kind of like... is he not worthy in the eyes of his peers either?

[detshin]

uhm, how exactly will gosho develop the cousin thing in the manga.

I mean, I wouldn't know, honestly. What goes on in the mind of that man only he knows (and sometimes I doubt even that).

My opinion under the read more...

Personally, I've already stated many times that it's a trope I've liked and headcanoned for a long while now, and it's not like it's COMPLETELY out of the blue. The whole "they look the same" is a big factor, there have been references to them having some sort of "ancestor" in common, the Toichi and Yusaku tease was already there in the childhood case of Shinichi (where Toichi appeared and called Shinichi big bro btw 👀) and there was a time long ago that Gosho said something about it in an interview and that it was going to be talked about.

Anyway, point is, I could see this going in different ways. I would LOVE to see this being explored and dealt with nicely and seriously, but my hopes for that are low. He'll either just have it mentioned and never more explored or talked about (like with akemi and akai), or maybe in the mk manga now to talk about Toichi, I don't know?

Because honestly, I feel like people are getting hung up on the cousins thing and are forgetting about the confirmation of what we all have been fearing and it's that Toichi is indeed alive and both of Kaito's parents suck ass. And what scares me is the possibility of it being comedic or Kaito being okay with it or something when he deserves to have that be explored. He became a criminal because of it! And his parents know and aren't doing ANYTHING!

I've said this before, MK is not as shits and giggles as it seems. Story is pretty darn dark if you think about it. Kaito is one of if not THE most solitary (lonely) character of the dcmk universe. He is not as the fandom tends to represent him sometimes. That's not Kaito. The over the top, flirty, pompous one is Kid. It's a mask. A facade. Kaito is not like that, he is just a teen who is struggling to make real connections with people and who is terrified of being found out as a criminal and cannot for the life of him let people IN because they'll see right through him and whose "dead" dad taught him NOT TO SHOW HIS EMOTIONS.

Kaito NEEDS some support. Jii alone is not enough. His own parents have lied to him his entire life and he's constantly alone, grieving for something that is not real. He has Aoko, but he CAN'T let her in completely for obvious reasons. Hakuba's there, but same thing. And I'm sorry but Akako I don't really think counts either, he actively seems not to really even like her or whatever...

MY POINT IS. If Kaito can get some new family members that could support him... Why refuse it, no? I'm not talking about Yusaku because he's also been keeping him in the dark and all and hasn't really seemed to do anything about it. But Yukiko (yes I'm choosing to believe she's also oblivious to Kaito being put in that situation) and Shinichi? Oh, those two could do wonders for someone like Kaito, in my opinion. Because Yukiko is Yukiko (she was born to be the cool aunt), and Shinichi is... Well... Shinichi. He could understand Kaito and actively show him support and help. They COULD be amazing as family.

Now it's all just a matter of... Does Gosho WANT to go that deep into this? Or is he going to continue to disregard Kaito's suffering and not give him anyone to lean on?

Anyway, cousins Kaito and Shinichi rule!

[birdbrainedboy]

I’m obsessed with this show and fear a hyperfixation anyways here are my thoughts on every character in the show

Edwin Paine: forever my favorite, even back before the show when I read the comics! I think it’s funny that basically every man in the show wants him? I’m intrigued by his character arc throughout the story regarding his sexuality as despite dying in 1916, he seems to have had time to slowly become more accepting of gay people (I’m guessing in part due to Charles, who is pansexual), to the point where there’s only mild internalized homophobia if at all, which just exhibits itself in him denying any possible feelings for Monty. I love how face-value and logical he is while still being a sweetheart

Charles Rowland: he has a pan flag pin on his jacket which confuses me bc can ghosts only wear clothes they would’ve worn when they were alive, or how do ghost clothes work? Because he died in 1989 and I’m near positive he didn’t wear that pin back there. Anyways I do love him but I wonder about some design choices, like the one earring (not sure why it just kinda annoys me). That was more a rant abt his design than his character, which I have nothing notable to say abt since I LOVE HIM he’s so real

Crystal Palace: sometimes she was a bit annoying the way she was trying way too hard to pry into everyone’s lives, but honestly that was just momentary annoyance since nothing could make me hate her. I love how her past was slowly revealed (as someone who already knew it from the comics) and how she came to terms with the person she used to be vs the person she is now. She’s so cool!

David the demon: honestly kind of caught me off guard at first bc the person I’m dating is named David but I actually enjoyed his character. LOVED when Crystal dealt with him in the end. He was very interesting

Niko Sasaki: I love Niko, but I have some problems with her character. First of all, I feel like ditsy anime-loving cutesy Asian girl with dyed hair is a weirdly common trope? But whatever my main issue is that it feels like characters who normalize the fetishization of gay men are so common. Like if Niko had been a guy obsessed with lesbian manga evb would be weirded out, so why is it different? If we ignore all of this tho I absolutely adore her and I’m actually praying she’s in the next season bc she was one of my favorites (esp her relationship w Edwin)

Jenny: She is so hot and cool and funny I’m in love with her

Esther: oh my god words cannot come close to describing how much I love her character. She felt powerless and weak in the past and now she’s become obsessed with making sure nobody has that power over her ever again. She was so fun and I loved her attitude! I’m sure she won’t show up next season, as she was the main antagonist of s1, and while I love her, I kind of hope she doesn’t since I think her arc was finished.

Monty: His personality was like 2020 “soft boy” who acts nice and dumb but is lowkey a manipulator. So obviously this kind of made me like ☠️ bc why is he acting like that… but I still love him to bits because he’s just a crow guys he didn’t ask to be human,, Anyways yeah his personality annoys me but also I love him so much so? It’s confusing. ITS COMPLICATED. I will cry if he’s not in s2

Kingham and Litty: I honestly thought they were annoying but I can’t lie they were so fucking funny. Every time they were on screen I laughed.

Cat King: oh my god. He is so camp. I love him. There’s honestly not much to say he is simply iconic. Love how he’s afraid to be alone so chases after other people, he’s so real AGHH I love him

Night Nurse: Ruth Connell the woman you are… 😍 she reminds me of Muriel from Good Omens, in a way, and I love her! I really hope we get to see more of her in relation to the guy in the fish, and see her get to better understand human emotions and why they choose to cling onto the human world rather than pass on!

[artthemasquerade]

DVMNINKTOBER Day 8 Crybaby

So I've been slowly, slowly been working my through this year's Devilman Inktober by nozoshii created for the community https://www.tumblr.com/nozoxshii/763169423585673216/i-made-a-devilman-inktober-prompt-list-for-the?source=share

The eighth day of the prompt is Crybaby! And oh man this an adaption I have the most mixed feelings for! I've watched it twice now and honestly while I don't love Crybaby, I can't bring myself to hate it for all it tried to do, I really feel like the rushed pace and it only being ten episodes long did not do this series any favors. Also hated how they treated Sirene but I'd rather bog this description down with all of the things I feel the series has done wrong. And I think having the series set in modern times makes a lot of sense since sadly violence, hatred of the other and war are timeless

I do like some of the things the creators added to crybaby, the rappers, Miko, how they dealt with social media and news being a tool that could destroy or give hope in dark times, and honestly given how things are in the world it is horribly relevant more so than ever! I also loved the music, honestly its my fave thing about crybaby, the soundtrack slaps hard, and is so fitting for its time period (just like how the OVAs' and the Amon OVA's OST are so fitting for their time periods too!) and I love to listen to it a lot!

I did enjoy some of the wacky demon designs even if they weren't the wonderfully detailed ones I normally like, they are at least fun to look at. Psycho Jenny's design in Crybaby is one of my faves honestly, and I had a lot of fun drawing it here for this picture! Also Miki's death scene broke my heart, okay, I keep being in tears while I was watching it, that was roughhh and I did like the final battle, the music and the emotions were really hyped in my opinion.

Speaking of this picture, this one was a little tricky to make but I wanted to again play with composition, and playing around with different textures and shading. Also while Crybaby Satan's design isn't my personal fave I did have a lot of fun drawing him too, especially his wings, they are more simple looking than the Amon OVA's design of Satan but a little more detailed than the manga version of Satan, so it was an interesting challenge to find the right balance.

[avikats66]

Regarding Touji and Megumi’s Early Childhood…

I really think that a lot of the fandom doesn’t fully realize or acknowledge that Megumi’s mother died “soon after he was born” and Touji was left not only devastated by the sudden loss of “the person he devoted himself wholly to,” but with a baby he was not properly prepared or equipped to care for and raise either physically, mentally, or emotionally by himself. We don’t get any details on exactly what happened, how Touji dealt, and what Megumi’s infancy and early childhood looked like up until he is about six-years-old and we get some flashbacks and narrative exposition (mostly from chapter 59) in the manga. Gege-sensei said that without Megumama, Touji “ended up like this,” which is described as “wandering from woman to woman due to not having much money” (Gege specifically calls him “a pro at freeloading off women”), and “earning lots of money with one job then spending it until it’s gone” (which includes gambling as shown in chapter 67) - so what exactly did that look like for Megumi? Probably a lot of Touji being away on said jobs and being left in the care of Touji’s current girlfriend/fling or a hired babysitter/nanny.

And plowing straight on ahead with headcanons, I think it’s very likely and probable that not only did Touji not know how to properly care for and raise baby Megumi, he also lacked the strength and willingness to really try and learn due the trauma of his own upbringing and the loss of Megumama. At the same time he can’t/doesn’t bring himself to fully care for and love Megumi as his son the way he would have with Mamagumi by his side guiding him - the way she would have wanted him to even without her - he can’t/doesn’t just abandon Megumi either, because that’s the child, the little blessing he had with the love of his life (and quite possibly the only person who ever truly cared for and loved him in return), and it was her dying wish that he take care of their son.

So here’s 24ish-years-old Touji, spiralling after the loss of his love and struggling to provide proper - or at least adequate - care for his infant son when he can’t even properly care for or about himself, let alone be responsible for raising a child. But he is, and he does try, sort of. I think he walks a line between not knowing how to form an emotional connection with and personal investment in his son - and being too hurt and overwhelmed to try - and feeling the need/responsibility to known and ensure that Megumi grows up - perhaps “happily” is a bit beyond what he can (or thinks he can) manage, but at least physically safe/healthy and not being outright hurt and abused in the sort of obvious ways that he was as a child. Because Touji was abused as a child (the exact extent to and details of which aren’t shown specifically), and it was this abuse which shaped Touji as a person and led to many of the problems/struggles he faced and the life choices he made, from his spending habits, to his use of and relationships with women, to his inability to fully connect with and care for his infant son without the guidance and support of Megumama.

So Touji wanders around with baby Megumi, grieving his love and struggling to care for a baby. He hooks up with various different women in order to receive help with caring for this infant he doesn’t know how to deal with and to have someone he can trust with Megumi while he works jobs - primarily bounty hunting and assassination, I assume - to earn money to provide necessary resources - as well as to fund whatever it is he does whenever he takes a break to try and cope with his pain/stress. Touji is frequently absent from Megumi’s life and emotionally distant when he is present. There are lots of different people - mostly the women his dad dates or has flings with and various paid babysitters or childcare workers - who take care of Megumi from infancy to the first five/six years of his life, some decidedly more caring than others no doubt.

Touji wouldn’t leave Megumi to anyone he thought would endanger him, but Touji also doubtlessly didn’t have high standards when it came to childcare given his own past/experiences. For some, taking care of baby or toddler Megumi might have been something they liked and wanted to do, whether as their job or as a young woman happy to look after her boyfriend’s baby; for others it may have been an unwanted or begrudging task - which is definitely something he would have picked up on, even at such a young age. Bottom line: Megumi does not have a stable parent or parental figure during the earliest years of his life, and he is subject to repeatedly changing conditions and environments. A lot of it he won’t explicitly remember, but even what he doesn’t remember will have still had a formative impact on him as a person.

Somewhere in this period Touji acknowledges that he cannot (or at least won’t sufficiently strive to) provide the care and connection Megumi will need as he gets older. He knows that he is distancing himself from Megumi and that he can’t (or again won’t) be able to form a proper relationship as a father or guardian with or raise Megumi: so now it’s his responsibility to find someone who can/will. Which is where the deal to have the Zenin take Megumi into the clan after his cursed energy/technique manifest comes in. Now, I’m definitely not saying that I agree with this decision, but I don’t think that it was made out of Touji’s own self-interest, i.e. the monetary exchange, at Megumi’s expense. Rather, I think Touji was taking the course of action he thought best for Megumi - and let me explain.

The fact that the Zenin agreed to pay such a large sum of money means that they wanted Megumi. As mentioned above, I believe Touji knew he was not suited to raising Megumi and was looking to find someone who could do a proper - or at least better - job. The thing is, let’s say he does find a suitable third party to take in Megumi: what happens as soon as Touji entrusts him to them and leaves? The Zenin swoop in and just take him. Touji likely anticipated exactly that happening, which is why he bartered with the Zenin in the first place - to see how much they wanted Megumi. And the huge chunk of money they agreed to pay confirmed that they very much wanted Megumi.

So now, Touji has two choices: either stick with and watch over Megumi for the rest of his childhood/youth and/or until he is capable of avoiding or fending off the Zenin himself (or possibly deciding he wants to join them), or let the Zenin have him, whether directly or indirectly. Since Touji has already made up his mind about him not wanting/able to be a proper father and raise Megumi, he’s already pointed towards the second option; but, can he really allow the Zenin to have Megumi in good conscience given what he knows about them and his own personal experiences as a kid? Well, here’s my thoughts:

Touji knows full well what kind of people the Zenin are and all the ways the abused him personally as a kid. Was he really going to condemn Megumi to that just to be rid of him? No, I don’t think so. As mentioned above, Touji looked after Megumi largely in part to it being what Mamgumi asked of him before her death, but he knew that the wasn’t a good father to baby/toddler Megumi, and that he couldn’t/wouldn’t fulfil all the additional responsibilities and care that would come with Megumi growing older and being a kid/teen - which is why he’s now seeking this third party to take over from him. And I don’t believe he would let the Zenin be that third party if he truly thought they were going to treat Megumi the same way they treated him as a child. He does care about Megumi - both as his son and in respect to Mamagumi’s wishes - even if he hasn’t been able to develop the normal intimate and emotional connects parents and children normally have.

Touji believes that Megumi’s circumstances with the Zenin will be different from his own due to his shamanic potential, which is pretty much all the Zenin care about. He states as much in the manga (cannot find the exact chapter, sorry). Does he believe the Zenin will be a good family to Megumi and that he’ll be well loved and cared for and this is the best path for Megumi and what Mamaguro would have wanted? Absolutely not, but he genuinely thinks that this is the best possible option he can give Megumi and that Megumi will be safe from horrific abuse by the Zenin. The fact that he considers this the best/only option rather than raising Megumi himself is a testament to both how he’s been traumatized and damaged by the Zenin and how that trauma and abuse warped his world view and emotional/social/mental capacities/ability.

Also around this time Touji marries Tsumiki’s (also unnamed) mother; it’s unclear which came first, the marriage with/meeting of Mamatsumi or the deal with the Zenin. We know that the marriage takes place when Megumi is in first grade - so about 5 or 6 years-old - and that within about a year of this marriage Touji and Mamatsumi both disappear (Touji having been killed by Gojou and Mamatsumi’s whereabouts unknown). So Megumi and Tsumiki have been step-siblings for less than a year when they are orphaned and then (semi unofficially sort of not exactly sure) adopted by teenage Gojou. By this time, Tsumiki had already become the most important person in Megumi’s life, as evidenced by Megumi not caring what being taken in by the Zenin would mean for him, but only whether Tsumiki would be happy.

What was this first year together for Megumi and Tsumiki like? I’ve already gone over what Touji’s parenting was probably/possibly like based on limited canon info, but we really have nothing of any substance - or just anything at all, really - on Mamatsumi. Personally, I imagine she and Touji got married for the convenience and benefit of their respective children, not romantic desire or attraction. They probably got along - or at didn’t actively dislike each other - and likely had a more casual relationship and camaraderie as partners of sorts (and they quite possibly had a sexual aspect side of the relationship too). They got married to take advantage of the legal benefits and pool their resources together; to the benefits of themselves personally but much more so for their kids.

As for what kind of person Mamatsumi was and her relationship with Megumi and her daughter I can’t really say. I can’t find/remember anything reliable giving us any more information on her, so, uh, she’s just a bit of a blurred out figure in terms of canon. Nothing regarding the relationship between Touji and Tsumiki either (at least as of yet, though probably not ever). We then get teen/young adult Gojou through the rest of Megumi and Tsumiki’s childhoods and early teen years, though we don’t really know much detail with what that looked like or how it worked either; really, just that one panel from recent chapters and whatever we can infer or glean from how Gojou and Megumi interact throughout the story.

I am super interested in that: Megumi and Tsumiki growing up together with teenage/young adult Gojou - whether we get more canon information/focus on it or not. Have you guessed that I really like the “found family” or “families of choice” tropes? At the same time, I’m also super interested in Touji and his time with baby/young child Megumi and their relationship. Yay character dynamics!

[nodplus50pts]

devilman ramble- i'm not quite sure what the general take is but i consider crybaby ryo and manga ryo literal different entities... i feel like yuasa did have a decently profound take on him but stripped away so many qualities that made him ryo that i found it extremely disappointing what we ended up with... this isn't even about his design btw but ryo embodied and carried humanity's biggest flaws as an amnesiac human... he was erratic and insane and emotional and while he kept his affections for akira as a core part of his character in the anime it's like.. the WAY it's dealt with which irks me.. you don't really garner much sympathy for him as a character once he turns on akira until the very end where it's like... way too late to feel bad for him?

like i know manga ryo is not exactly the most consistently written character and his backstory is hilariously confusingly structured but having his Big Realization at the end be 'omg i love akira' rather than manga ryo who knew and acknowledged his love for akira but knowing he had no choice but to fight him because there's no other way to resolve it... and how he acknowledges at the very end atop that cliff in that whole monologue about how he basically acted the same way as the god he hated... it's so much more

the scene with xenon in the manga was Ok Awkward about the satan reveal but the internal conflict he was struggling with was so raw it was AWESOME also shoutout to this scene. the layers

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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96. Breakaway by Grace Reilly--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I thoroughly enjoyed BREAKAWAY by Grace Reilly! It was super spicy, fun, had some pretty good character growth, and had impeccable communication between the two MCs. I'm honestly surprised it doesn't have a higher rating.

I think the pacing was pretty good, as well, having the MCs reveal certain aspects of their lives at the seemingly perfect times. While yes, this reminded me of at least two other college hockey romances I've read in the past (ICEBREAKER, THE GRAHAM EFFECT, THE DEAL, to mention a few), it was still fun and super spicy. After all, it's only fitting that it's this spicy when the FMC is an aspiring smutty romance author.

I also like that though there was drama, it was easily dealt with. Some people might like more drawn out drama or bigger conflicts, but I'm a simple woman who enjoys a romance with as little drama as possible.

Overall, I really and truly enjoyed this one. Will definitely be checking out the rest of the series!

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97. The Right Move by Liz Tomforde--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Off the bat, if you're not a fan of slow burns then you might have a hard time reading THE RIGHT MOVE. But because I'm a Mariana Zapata hoe, I love them slow burns and the pay off of all of that building tension.

I immediately knew who would be paired up in this one because book one made it pretty clear and I was here for it. I loved seeing the tension between these two characters, especially when the MMC started to melt his cold demeanour towards the world around him. One of my favourite things about slow burns is that we are forced to get to know these characters first before they start to fall completely into each other. We get to see the build up and the friendship and the trust that grows between the couple.

One of the things I enjoyed reading about in THE RIGHT MOVE was the topic of mental health and how easy it is for people to hide it from the rest of the world. You can be the most famous athlete in the world and still e suffering. It was a strong reminder that not everything is always as it seems.

I took a star off for the brief moments of miscommunications that honestly felt like plot lengtheners. I know no book will ever be perfect with this theme, but since this book was so long, I think characters that communicate will help lower that word count.

Anyway, I still enjoyed the hell out of this. These two characters were so sexy together and I loved how well they reflected each other (when they communicated). Will happily read the next book in the near future!

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98. Cherry Magic! Vol. 5 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ahhhhh. Honestly, just AHHHHH.

I love these two so much. I absolutely cannot. Also, LOVE the side story for his friend and his own love life. This is one of the cutest, kick-my-feet manga series that I've read. The way the anxious MC continues to grow into his confidence and his interest in his love interest is just the best. I love being able to see that progress rather than just having a story where the characters are stagnant.

I love this series so much.

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99. Cherry Magic! Vol. 6 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

That social anxiety hits deep with this one. Sometimes words are so hard to speak in the heat of emotion and these two characters are getting so much better at communicating.

This volume had me feeling all sorts of things. That is all. 😭😭

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100. The Bastard & The Heir by Eden Finley , Saxon James--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Eden Finley & Saxon James are a dangerous duo. Whenever they get together, I know that something magical is gonna happen. This time, that magic comes in THE BASTARD AND THE HEIR. The tension, the smut, the vulnerability--phew.

Also, I'm grateful for the synopsis kind of spoiling one of the big secrets or else this would have been a wholly different experience.

The chemistry between these two characters was palpable. I also enjoyed how the characters have to learn to not judge others without communicating with them. I loved the trope of everyone rooting for the one MC to fail and him proving them all wrong. Love a family drama in my romance books (as long as they're done right).

I don't know what else to say other than it was sexy and adorable and so incredibly heartfelt. This book also carries the message that sometimes you need to really fight for what you want, or else spend the rest of your life living with what-if's and the eternal patience of waiting for something to magically change on its own. Life is short.

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101. The Devil in Blue Jeans by Stacey Kennedy--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, this book was fun for what it was. If I think too much about the story, I'd probably be lowering the rating. But it was a story I needed when I was on the verge of a reading slump. Was it memorable? Not really. Was it a bit silly and over the top? Yes, but it was fun and I'm definitely wanting to read the rest of the series. It honestly read like the Harlequin book that it is.

The friendship was sweet and the romance had some cute moments! Wasn't the biggest fan of the trope at the end and the...sacrificial lamb for the FMC's character growth moment. LOL that was so weird.

My biggest gripe though, and the story itself has absolutely nothing to do with this, was the audiobook narrator. Omg her voicing was GRATING. Especially when she did the voices for the friends. I know people can't help the way they talk, but if it wasn't for the story, I probably would have put this book down.

Anyway, read this for the fun Harlequin vibes. I will say, however, that you should definitely check out the trigger warnings before reading!

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102. My Love Mix Up! Vol. 4 by Wataru Hinekure (writer) , Aruko (Illustrator) , Jan Cash (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

These two are so young and have so much to grow. I'm so excited to see it happen because they're so adorable.

I'm writing a bunch of reviews today and the theme seems to be "communication" and this volume deals heavily with that topic (and how important it can be). I love these two together because they seem to balance each other out. One is slightly immature when it comes to his feelings and the other is...a bit dense. I love them both regardless and I can't wait to see their growth.

Also, we got to learn more about both characters and some of the personality traits are starting to make more sense.

AND the cute friends who I just know are growing closer and closer. Will definitely pick up the next volume soon!

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103. Phoenix Chosen by Ashe Moon--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

How absolutely dare you leave us hanging, Ashe Moon? That ending was criminal.

I was both surprised and not surprised by how much I enjoyed this? It reminded me a bit of BRO & THE BEAST mixed with BOUND TO THE BATTLE GOD. It had similar vibes of the former but had the build up and slight length of the latter. The slight slow burn of the two characters falling for each other was refreshing because it wasn't immediate spice city. I liked seeing the characters grow and get closer and build that trust that comes with the sort of connection.

Loved the concept too because I'm a sucker for this alternate worlds/portal magic romances full of road trips and reluctant romance.

Will wait for the next book with bated breaths.

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104. Beyond the Sea by Keira Andrews--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There's something about survival romance books that just hook me and don't let me go until the very end. Could this have used a bit of editing? Maybe. Did I still devour the absolute shit out of this beautiful book? Also yes.

I loved this story. I loved it so much. I KNOW I will crave a re-read of this book in the future. It's not a mind-blowing book, but I loved the themes and tropes explored in the story. The connection between the characters was sweet and their love for each other felt palpable by the end of the book.

I realized that I had read another book by Keira Andrews and had completely forgotten and knowing how much I enjoyed that book, I'm not surprised by my enjoyment of this one.

Ugh, I loved this so much.

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105. Wed to the Omega by Ashe Moon--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, this silly and quick read. Was it perfect? Not at all, but I had fun! Reading those into the reviews, I saw that this was Moon's debut and honestly, it kind of makes sense. The romance was a little too quick and that major situation at the end was over a little too quickly, I would have loved to see the romance develop a little more organically.

I did find it a little contradictory how one of the MCs was okay with certain things happening and interfering with his life goals. While I'm happy he was happy, I guess I expected a little more resistance? Especially since his goals were a huge motivator for why he was the way he was.

Overall, this book makes me want to read the rest of the series.

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106. Cherry Magic! Vol. 7 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm always amazed by how quick some of these relationships are, but I also know that time moves at a weird pace on these stories. Regardless, I was so happy and giddy while reading this one and the new steps this couple took!!! I love their love!

Also, these reviews won't be long because I binged these next few volumes and I don't want to give away spoilers!

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107. Cherry Magic! Vol. 8 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I loved seeing the roles being reversed in this one and seeing the once shy and awkward MC taking on such a caring and loving role. One of the reasons why I like this couple so much is how one brings out the best in the other and the other helps validate the other's feelings.

Although we didn't get to see the second adorable couple-to-be in this volume, we did get to see the main couple pass another important milestone in their relationship! Which also included the exploration of their feelings and the importance of communication.

Love them all so much.

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108. Cherry Magic! Vol. 9 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Volume 9 gave us a big chunk of the second couple's storyline and I love them, too. Especially in how the character growth has made them into better characters. I also love their ability to be vulnerable.

We did get to see the main couple as they explored new potential apartments, which introduces a mild hint into how the rest of the world around the couple will react to them being a gay couple. I've been curious about this throughout the series and it looks like the issue is starting to be brought up here as the couple is reaching the next big step in their relationship.

Onto the next volume!

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109. Cherry Magic! Vol. 10 by Yuu Toyota , Taylor Engel (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Volume 10 is where we truly start to see the main couple face the discrimination against gay couples. It's not overt, but it's enough that it affects certain aspects of their lives. We also see the MC start to question how unfair it is. But we also see the couple overcome that by loving each other and also have an amazing support system of friends and family.

The romance of this volume, plus the familial and friendly love is so heartfelt.

I can't believe I have to wait until the summer for the next volume 😭😭😭

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110. Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read March 2024:

This re-read felt like I was reading CROWN OF MIDNIGHT for the first time. The only things I remembered are that conclusion and the heartbreaking decision made against a certain character. I still find it interesting that this was ever labelled YA, but then one of the characters would mention the MC's age and I'd be like, right, she's a 25 year old in an 18 year-old's body.

I read this in 2015 and gave it five stars and while I can understand why, I'm taking one star off that rating because honestly, while it was entertaining, it was...okay? Not horrible, but not a favourite. The whole love triangle thing kind of made me laugh because the power this MC holds. She's leaving a trail of broken hearts behind her and honestly, good for her. She's too young to settle for these boys.

Will continue my re-read!

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Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

[nikikyuuun]

Hello! May I request headcanons of Tsukasa and Kohaku with a crush (How they realize it and how they deal with it)? Thank you and please take care of yourself!

helloo!! i love the cousins a Whole Lot they're so cute so ofc you may!! i haven't written for tsukasa that much though, so i'm sorry in advance if he's a little ooc!

also. heehee. first post of 2022! i hope you all had a v lovely holiday season and have a lovely new year as well ♡ i hope you enjoy!

❧ kohaku and tsukasa with a crush

content warnings: none

❧ kohaku tends to say it plainly and clearly, almost like some sort of disclaimer—he ain't too knowledgeable about these kinds of things, y'know... a lot of what he knows just comes from the net. he's definitely laughed at cheesy romcoms or cliche shoujo manga with aira before, but the actual feeling of having a crush? it's just as new to him as just about everything else.

❧ when his feelings for you start to change, he chalks it up to just circumstance. he's been feeling a little under the weather lately, so that's why his stomach feels all weird, right? and it's been getting real cold lately, so that's why his face has been red—and don't go gettin' sick, ya hear? this excuse only works for so long, though. there comes a point where kohaku can barely even explain his own reactions to himself, like why he feels so much more himself when he's with you, or why he's almost disappointed to hear you call him a friend...

❧ it frustrates him a little, being at the mercy of his own emotions like this—especially since he can't even pinpoint what they are! it dawns on him eventually, after bidding you goodbye after hanging out, or getting a goodnight text from you later that evening, a growing realisation that, ah, maybe the way he thinks about you isn't quite the same anymore, and what if you think the same way about him, too? he'll put on a thick face, but the thought of it makes his chest warm.

❧ kohaku knows he'll confess to you when he's ready, but with how much happier he seems to be around you, he isn't quite the most subtle about it—offering to treat you whenever you go out together, or sharing his food with you, or even just the tone of voice he takes with you, softer and kinder and gentler. he'll see you tomorrow, yeah? d'you need him to walk you to the station? 's no issue at all, as long as you get home safe.

❧ crushes... aren't really something tsukasa's dealt with much before, honestly, if at all. he's more than familiar with admiration, as well as the type of old-fashioned, chivalric romance in knights' songs, but it's not something he's ever imagined himself experiencing. especially with how much he has on his plate at home, and at school, and at ensemble square, and...

❧ well, that was the case until you—tsukasa is almost acutely aware of how differently he feels around you, the quickness of his pulse and the clamminess of his hands, the awkward fumble in his voice and the uncharacteristic stumble in his step. you were friends, weren't you? so why was he so nervous? he's really sorry, he's not usually like this, he says—but when you smile and laugh it off, it doesn't quite help his case. he does try to act normal in front of you, though! as normal as he can get, when everything from the back of your hand brushing his, to walking too close to you makes his breath hitch a little.

❧ tsukasa definitely seems like the type to want his crush to think of him as dependable, too! do you need help with something? just want some company? as a knight, it's his sworn duty to help those in need, you know~ he gets to spend time with you, too, so that's definitely a bonus! he doesn't trust himself not to stumble over his words, so hopefully his actions will suffice, instead.

❧ just like his cousin, he doesn't want to rush into things with you—not because he isn't sure of his feelings, but because he wants to do things right, if not by his own standards then by yours, no matter what thet may be. as inexperienced as he is with, well, matters of the heart, tsukasa hopes very dearly that you'll take him as he is.

[everytimeiread]

Izuku and Iruma Comparisons...

And why they aren't my thing.

Fair warning, this is no hating on either character but I do express my frustration on people calling the characters basically the same. Also there probably will be spoilers for Mairimashita! Iruma-kun. If you do it for fun and don't mean anything by it keep doing it! This is just to express my own frustration since I love both characters so much.

I really don't like it when people call Iruma 'blue deku' since it really disregards both characters. But mostly Iruma. Iruma has progressed a lot from where he started and reducing him to 'blue deku' really gets under my skin. Sure there are parallels on the personal arc they are going through/gone through but their own journeys are different on a personal level.

Especially in the beginning, Iruma and Izuku have different motives. Izuku has a dream that he wants to achieve as people look down on him, while Iruma is literally just surviving. Both have valid trauma in their own ways- but have very different goals. Bnha is about Izuku becoming the hero he's always wanted to be and while m!ik is technically about Iruma becoming the demon king- it's more about Iruma becoming a person. Sure, they both suddenly get an important parental figure in their life but they give the main characters different things. All Might gives Izuku a quirk and a mentor who believes in him. Sullivan gives Iruma the unconditional love of family that Iruma never had before. Sullivan literally bought Iruma from his parents for Iruma to become his grandson. That was the only requirement. Not 'help me do this' or 'pay for that' or any other extra step to gain love Iruma has had to do his entire life. The mentors are helping different parts of Iruma and Izuku's personal growth. They both care about their wards but one is much more family only oriented (love you Sullivan).

One of the many things I love so much about m!ik is how it deals with many things people see as 'bad'. The main concept being greed. All demon's have greed and thus have their own ambition. It's seen as normal and basically necessary for all demon's. Iruma was the definition of a doormat when he first came into the demon world. However the mentality of the demon's made him ask a question he was never able to ask himself until then 'what do I want to do?'. Greed was helping Iruma become more than just a tool to help others- it was helping him start to get dreams for himself.

I think the main reason it annoys me that Izuku and Iruma are seen as basically the same is that just because they have a positive attitude and like helping others all their other character growth/ personality traits are tossed out the window. Izuku can be really fierce when emotional while even when Iruma is extremely upset he doesn't get nearly as agitated. Feral Izuku exists while feral Iruma does not. Izuku openly shows the desperation on his face. Iruma doesn't (definitely a trauma thing but still). Iruma has privately acknowledged his trauma has hurt him because he now has people he relies on. Izuku has not (yes I'm mentioning Bakugou none of their arcs have been dealt with healthily), though that is probably because he still needs to have more people to properly rely on *points to my bnha teacher abuse post*.

My point is that both Iruma's and Izuku's character arcs are going different places. It feels insulting to compare Izuku working hard to overcome many dangerous situations to become the best hero and save everyone to Iruma slowly learning what family means and learning how to be a person. I was so proud when he pouted about being called ugly after being called cute so much he never would have done that in the beginning of the manga.

Sorry for the long rant- I love both of them so much but Welcome to demon school Iruma-kun has become my favorite manga as of now so I wanted to get it all off my chest. Read the manga it's great!!! I highly recommend it to people who like found family, fun fantasy, and great character growth/relationships.

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[plush-rabbit]

Mental Toll - Brothers.

Request: My mom kicked me out, her 15 year old daughter out of her house. And I've been staying with my aunt but everything is taking a mental toll on me . Can I get a Beel, mammon, Leviathan, or asmo comfort?

A/N: Sweetheart, I’m sorry for this. It can be all so difficult for you, but please take care of yourself. Remember that nothing is your fault, you’re a child, you’re gonna be okay. Please don’t keep these emotions bottled up (im also assuming this is comfort on your situation, so yeah)

-

Mammon:

You’ll always have a place with him. He’s taken on a guardian role for you and while he might have hated it at first, he’s grown attached to you. Your guardians in the Human Realm don't matter. They decided to leave you, so now you’re here with him and he isn’t going to abandon you anytime soon. Mammon may not know what to do when he finds you crying and unable to speak, but he cares and he’ll try to show that to you, telling you that you can bunk with him for the night- you get to take his bed and he’ll sleep on the couch, you don’t have to be alone.

He isn’t exactly the best at comforting, using a bit too many words only to come up short, but once that initial nervousness wears off, he’s comforting. He’s taken care of a child before- granted they were much younger, and was then put into the care of witches- he knows what a scared kid looks like. He’ll offer what he can to you and let you rest your head on his bicep as he listens to you ramble about what happened. He won’t ever push for you to talk, but it might help sort out all those feelings that are bubbling up inside of you.

Of course it’s difficult for the both of you. He isn’t too knowledgeable about the mentality and fragility of a human mind and emotions but he can assume to be essentially kicked out of a parent’s home can be rough. He’s dealt with it before even if he knew the risks. He remembers the nights of pain and agony, the silent suffering that was thick in the air, and the lack of self-care. He comes in with a small meal every day, grabbing random vitamins that he thinks might be good for you, and just lets you rest. You see a more hidden side of Mammon, the one that cares too much, that acts almost like a parental figure and have a comforting smile and gives nice hugs.

You aren’t free to rest forever. He’s also seen what that kind of damage that can do to someone's mental health. He won’t ever pressure you to go out and do something you don’t want to, but you do have to move from the spot on his bed. You can hide yourself in his room for as long as you want, but you can’t live your life stuck in a bed. He knows that that isn’t good for anyone. You’ll have all the space that you could want and need, but you need to also talk to him and take care of yourself.

It’s his role as your guardian to take care of you and make sure that nothing bad would happen to you- you being in the Human Realm makes no difference to that. You’re still under his protection and he’ll take care of you as much as he can. Mammon can be brash, and have his sin take over, but it isn’t all that he is. He can be selfless and take care of you and let you just relax around him. There’s no pressure put on you and he’ll protect you. He promises that- he’s a demon, he’s lived for a long time and he’ll live for an even longer time and as long as he’s around, he’ll protect you.

Leviathan:

Coming to Leviathan is certainly a choice. He cares- of course he does! But, he doesn’t know what to do. Of course he knows how it feels, but it was different and so long ago and buried under memories and the fictional world, that he chose to forget that. It’s different with you. You’re a child who’s crying and at a loss for a parent that left them and it must hurt. He’s awkward, but he’ll sit by you and have a hand on your back telling you to take all the time that you need. He’s always here in his room after all, so you can always find him.

In the beginning, he doesn’t know what to do. Surely, there should be words or tips online that could help him translate his words and feelings better than “that sucks.” An apology feels so fake and unsure and he doesn't want that for you. You deserve something real, an actual meaningful interaction that might help you but he comes up blank. He doesn’t know what exactly he should say, so he just lets you rest beside him as he tells you his own encounter with abandonment and what helped him.

He tries to make you feel better in a way that helps him- via distractions. It helped him and maybe it could help you. You like to spend time with him so you both must share some type of interest in common. He feels so proud of himself when he offers you to read his manga or play some of his games. It’s a nice distraction and depending on what you choose, it can be a great way to just open up emotions and see what could effectively help trigger just that blockade of emotions for the both of you. You don’t have to do it, but it proves to be nice to just immerse yourself in some fictional tale.

Eventually, he starts to read what you read once you’ve fallen asleep. You gravitated towards it for a reason and it’s easier to talk to you like that. You get to be the hero, the protagonist or whoever you want, and he knows the struggles that they go through. He can help through an outside glance. It starts off simple, just him mentioning comments, prying for information about why you like a certain character and then in just a blink of an eye, you’re crying. You opened up and he’s by your side.

Comforting you is a bit awkward, but what could he expect. He sits by you and lets you talk through your emotions even if it makes no sense- your words are garbled and out of order- but he gets the main point of it. Leviathan understands that you’re hurting and who wouldn’t be. You’re a child, and the love of a parental figure means a lot. He might not be confident to have that type of relationship with you, but he can certainly be a big brother who lets you come into his room and sleep in a futon that he has when you’re feeling particularly lonely.

Asmodeus:

His eyes are sad, the usual glow and glimmer dimmed and his smile once beautiful and stretched, it pulled into a soft frown. Even in sadness, he still looks beautiful. With a gentle pull, he brings you into his room, and lets you set your stuff down on the floor. Asmodeus holds your face in his hands and gingerly wipes away your tears. You’ve had such a long day and it’s no secret that he has the best bath in the house, so he lets you go use it in order to destress, just enough to clean yourself and have time to gather your feelings and thoughts.

The room is suited to him and to only him, but he figures that you wouldn’t want to be alone. He has to rid some of the extra pillows on the bed, rid of the stronger scents in the room in order to not congest you more, and just declutter his room a bit more. It’s suited for him, a demon who can and lives for the finer things, but for you, he needs you to be able to breathe. The sheets are replaced, the towel that he has set for you soft and fluffy and the clothes clean and smelling like the house, a much better scent than the stitched to your clothes. He sends it to you via magic, wanting you to come to him when you’re ready.

When you approach him, he gives you a comforting smile and pats the bed beside him. He grabs your hand and massages it slowly, telling you that he’ll be here for you if you need anything. You can talk to him or choose not to, and he won’t pressure you in the slightest. You can take your time to talk to him. He feels a bit bad that he can’t tell you that everything will be okay, he knows it will, so sure of it that he’d bet himself on it, but it isn't what you want to hear. You just need to know that he’s right there by your side.

For now, you’re okay. You’re safe in his room and he likes being an older brother- at least to a few. He likes to spoil people rotten, and he gets to do that with you. You get to have everything good and shiny. You’re going to be okay when you stick with him, because he won’t let anything happen to you. He’s going to be your new home, your new big brother.

The process is tough, and he doesn’t rush anything. It’s subtle with Asmodeus and being ever so careful with his appearance, he makes sure to take care of yours. Mental health is so fragile and he just wants you to be okay. He’ll offer substitutions if certain activities can feel a bit too difficult for you, but he doesn’t push too much. You still have to take care of yourself and it might feel overbearing, but he needs to take care of you.

Beelzebub:

Family means everything to Beelzebub. At the very end of it, it’s part of the core of who he is. He feels your pain and is empathetic when you tell him what happened and he holds you close, letting you rest on his bed as he sits on the edge with a comforting hand rubbing circles on your back. He’s a demon, he knows just how cruel others can be, and yet, to see someone hurt someone as young as you, it makes him sick.

Your tears hit him hard and he can only hug you as you cry into him about your situation. There are too many emotions inside of you and it must be so difficult for you to handle all of them and he wishes he could help take that away, but he can only hold you and make sure that you sleep in a position that won’t hurt your neck once the tears have tired you out. It’s the little things that he does for you until you come to him and explain everything to him, and he’ll listen and won’t interrupt.

During this time, he tries to not be imposing. He doesn’t want you to run from him so he’ll give you time to come to him when you’re ready. He checks up on you often, knocking on your door and entering with a few snacks. He’ll stay if you ask him and talk to you about mundane stuff. A part of him wonders if that’s really what you want to hear, but he can’t say anything different. He doesn’t know what it is that you want to hear and he doesn’t want to pressure you any further. Anyways, it seems like you like to listen to him during these moments. Maybe, he provides a nice distraction.

He’ll always make sure that he has his phone on him in case you need him. He’s told you before that you can contact him whenever you want, and that he’ll come running to you. He’s sure it’s his big brother instincts taking over. He may be the sixth brother, but it doesn’t remove the fact that he has a twin. It’s only by his power that he ranks sixth. With you, he can be a big brother and be the cool and caring type that takes care of you. You can always come to him whenever you need something and he’ll make sure to give you whatever you want.

It comes to no surprise that you two develop a strong bond and you start to stick to him and he welcomes that. He won’t leave you alone unless you ask him to and he always makes sure to include you in whatever activity he has. During lunch, he’ll sit with you and listen to you and he’s glad that you're starting to feel better around him. You’ve both grown quite attached and he tries to do good by you. Beelzebub will give you whatever you need because beside his twin, you’re the youngest in the family. He’ll reassure you that nothing is your fault, that you’re only a child and that you’ll be okay. You’ve been there for him and he’ll be there for you.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):

 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

[travoltacustom]

The Presentation of Hifumi’s Trauma

I’ve been thinking on how Hifumi’s trauma has been presented for years now, and with the release of Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro, I feel like now’s as good a time as any to give my thoughts on this.

Note: This is in no way a defense of KR for the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma, but it is an analysis of such. I’m open to discussion on this and you’re free to disagree with me at any point on this. Most of this was also written BEFORE the release of the album, save for the last section.

CW: Mentions of abuse, trauma and rape + spoilers of the MTR dramatrack

I hear a lot that the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma is a ‘poor attempt at humour’, but I don’t exactly think it’s that simple. It is still a presentation of trauma, but it’s not portrayed as humorous in comparison to the rest of the humour of the series.

NARRATIVE

Hifumi panics when he sees women. He is unable to do anything until women are removed from the scene - but these instances are hardly ever the focus of the scene. It’s mostly used as a scene cutter to progress the story. When Chuo enters, Hifumi’s panic cuts off the situation and the focus shifts straight to the women. When the women find Hifumi, Doppo, Gentaro and Dice, Hifumi’s jacket is taken away to shift focus off of the women and to have Gentaro and Dice speak. Rather, Hifumi’s panic at these times are plot movers and not the focal point of the scene. Sadly, they can be seen as plot devices, but it’s not supposed to be seen as humour.

In addition to this, the ‘hysterical’ screaming (for lack of a better word) in the presence of women is limited to the dramatracks. In the manga and the anime, Hifumi runs away/removes himself from the presence of women. The purpose of Hifumi’s hysteria in the dramatracks is for visualisation purposes as there’s no visual aids - the reactions to women are toned down in the anime and manga. With this, it’s easier to believe that the anime and manga is the ‘intended’ portrayal of his reactions as the dramatrack has to make up for what isn’t seen.

PRESENTATION

The narrative is very aware that Hifumi’s trauma affects him badly. It’s a panic response. But it’s not the same as a panic attack. We know how awful the presentation of such can be, and it’s definitely something triggering for a lot of people. Personally, I would feel horrible to see him have a panic attack every time he saw a woman. KR doesn’t want to make his discomfort the focus of the scene either. Simply put, I think his trauma response is a part of the scene, but has less plot purpose than what is going on around it. 

Trauma can be presented in different ways, but it’s more controlled to see only a glimpse of how trauma has affected Hifumi. There are other ways of showing this trauma and how it’s affected Hifumi that HPMI has already covered: Hifumi being unable to take off his suit jacket, behavioural change when wearing the jacket, his extremely warped perception of danger when his life is threatened etc. He’s spent 10 years adapting to the trauma and is in a stage of recovery as he’s going to confront his said abuser. If we were compounding this plot point with an idea of a Hifumi that is always having panic attacks, then we would have a Hifumi that is clearly not ready to deal with what he wants.

COMPARISON

We know the writers can portray trauma as such from Jyushi’s backstory. If we remember the fandom response, there were people who were legitimately triggered to varying degrees by what happened to Jyushi’s grandmother and the severe bullying he suffered. Really, I believe that Hifumi’s trauma hasn’t been the forefront of scenes because narratively it’s not the time for this to happen yet.

There seems to be a ‘trauma-porn’ narrative around the need to have Hifumi’s trauma played out ‘correctly. Trauma porn is media that showcases a group’s pain and trauma in excessive amounts for the sake of entertainment. There’s no need right now to show the extent of how badly Hifumi has been affected, because his trauma isn’t the focal point of the story or his character. His past is about to be shown, but it shouldn’t be what defines Hifumi as a character. And even more importantly so, there’s no ‘right’ version of trauma to portray.

HONOBONO

[ This section is written post Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro’s dramatrack.]

There are no redeeming qualities to Honobono, the source of Hifumi’s trauma. She’s despised by Chuohku and kept around for her ‘usefulness’, and Doppo was unsure of Hifumi going to confront his own abuser. However, in the recent dramatrack, Hifumi’s power is taken away from him in Honobono forcing herself into his space. This is the first time we’ve ever seen Hifumi have an explosion of emotions; ‘a typical image of a panic attack’. It is an audibly uncomfortable scene, just as Jyushi’s backstory was to read. There are different levels to trauma responses that HPMI has shown us with the 1st season’s Hifumi with short moments, but this instance is long and drawn out with guttural screaming.

HPMI was always perfectly capable of showing trauma, but for a listener, to hear this sort of occurrence every time around a woman would be potentially harmful. At this moment, Hifumi was nearly completely paralysed, suffering a breakdown of his identity by switching pronouns and screaming (similar to Gentaro’s breakdown at the insult of his clothes). It is difficult to listen to this. I don’t believe you would’ve wanted to hear this every time Hifumi was reminded of Honobono. We’ve even learned that the abuse might not have been dealt directly to Hifumi but to his family - we see Hifumi’s love for his family here in being so torn by her actions, and how trauma does not have to deal with someone directly either.  However, the first instances of Hifumi’s trauma were more ‘digestible’ for a viewer, and they set us up for this moment. It was good that Hifumi’s panic responses were less heavy than the blow we’ve been dealt with this dramatrack.

In meeting Hifumi, Honobono greets her with “Hi-Fu-Mi”, just like how Hifumi says his own name in songs. It is most likely that Honobono said his name like this when they were in highschool; for Hifumi to use it in his songs now can be seen as a reclamation of his identity, as now Honobono can’t use his own name against him. Hifumi has spent years recovering from her, and seeing small hints of how he’s trying to move on from that time is a legitimately good way to understand the recovery from trauma.

WHAT IS IT?

The HPMI fandom seemed to have an ‘obsession’ with what exactly traumatised Hifumi up until this point. Most believed that it would have been sexual abuse/rape, given that he fears the opposite gender, and it wouldn’t have been the first time sexual themes have appeared in HPMI (the trafficked women at the start of BB/MTC’s manga). However, to think that ‘there is only one sort of trauma that can cause Hifumi’s pain’ is a dangerous idea. Almost anything can be traumatising, and almost anything can be a trigger. 

There’s no need to theorise ‘what is good enough’ to be a trauma for him. To fear women, it can simply be that a woman has done something bad to him - which we see is Honobono. When we hear women fearing men because a man did something bad to them, we don’t theorise what exactly happened to her. There’s the automatic assumption that gendered fear is the result of sexual abuse, when in reality, it can be any manner of abuse that has caused this.

OPINIONS

So I don’t think KR is portraying Hifumi’s trauma as humorous. It’s definitely awkward, but the narrative has constantly made it clear that he’s in a state of discomfort that stems from trauma and Doppo and Jakurai always do their best to move him out of those situations without drawing too much attention. Nobody in the story laughs at him, save for Asunaro, who’s an ill-mannered child without sensitivity towards both Doppo and Hifumi, and Honobono, the source of his trauma. Those who don’t understand Hifumi in the adult cast however only find confusion in him. 

There’s no ‘best’ portrayal of trauma in any media. But it’s clear that HPMI isn’t trying to be malicious or poke fun at any sort of trauma at all. If anything, I think the portrayal of it so far has been relatively ‘easy’ on common audiences that don’t explore such media, helping people to realise how trauma can manifest without forcing others who do have trauma to realise their pained experience in this media. Hifumi has been painted as someone relatable to those with trauma because he’s still a man who’s capable of doing his best while still stumbling along his way to recovery. Traumatised shouldn’t be the descriptor of Hifumi, but he is a character that has been traumatised.

While Honobono and her abuse is an integral part of Hifumi’s backstory, she does not define him as a person. To portray Hifumi as a strong character, despite moments of trauma responses, was a suitable choice in treating him respectably. 

[chibimyumi]

Lost and Wins in Adaptation

Dear everyone, as per Anon’s request, I shall analyse a Kuromyu and discuss the Lost and Wins in Adaptation. The results of your democratic votes (comments and asks) are out, and the winner is TANGO ON THE CAMPANIA! In this post I shall only be discussing character/plot influential changes, so no stand-alone comedic sketches will be included.

This is going to be a very long post because there’s just so much to unpack. But feel free to read it in bits, or skip to the part you are most interested in (but do come back later though (ÒvÓ)b). This post will include the following sections:

What makes a good adaptation?

AberHanks - Expert Glue and Filler

“Just like my family!” - One line, many messages

Grell - A Capable Career Woman

An unfortunate Sacrifice

Raw Trash Demon

Active Inclusion Midfords - Manga Fix?

Reunion and Aftermath

Afterword

I promise you the analysis will make you love TotC even more!

1. What makes a good adaptation?

2.5D wouldn’t exist without the 2D, so it is essential for any 2.5D producer to prove to the fans the producing side understood the source material using their form of medium. Changes are inevitable, but the key is that when things are changed, the core of the original needs to remain intact.

Theatre as medium’s biggest disadvantage is its strict time constraints. Whether the producers are capable of adapting a story within the time constraints without it feeling like a quickly duct-taped patchwork is what distinguishes a good adaptation from a bad one. The scriptwriters have no choice but to sacrifice parts to tell a concise story, but the art is in skillfully choosing what to yeet. The musical does need to be able to stand on its own without new audiences going “what?”, after all

2. AberHanks - Expert Glue and Filler

The most obvious difference between the original manga and Tango on the Campania is the addition of Aberline and the musical original, Hanks. In Tango on the Campania they are very cleverly employed to tie the musical together within the time constraints.

Ronald appeared before the Campania Arc, but it wasn’t before this one that he gets his own proper introduction. What the manga readers and musical-only audience have in common then, is that at this point of the story, Ronald is almost equally new. The line: “if we get to meet again, alive, that is” is a very effective way to introduce Ronald’s chipper but cynical personality. In the manga Ronald’s conversation partner was a passenger who fancied Ronald. It would have been a waste of stage time to adapt the third class setting and introduce this girl too, but skipping the line entirely would not do Ronald’s introduction justice. So the script writers cleverly used AberHanks instead, and when Ronald delivered the iconic line, the impact is still the same as in the original.

Additionally, AberHanks are supportive roles in them being police officers who help combat the zombies. The historic Titanic had a really poor survival rate, and that’s without dealing with murderous zombies. In Campania however, that’s a different story. I would argue that Aberline and Hanks evacuation efforts, along with the Formidable Midfords greatly increased the survival rate of Campania passengers.

This addition is a brilliant three-birds-one-stone move. This firstly shows that despite AberHanks being the comic relief, as the police they are not there to fool around. Secondly, by explicitly placing the Midfords along literal fighters of crime, the audience also clearly understands what the Midfords - the Chivalric order - are: fellow fighters of crime.

Thirdly, the gentleman’s code of evacuation is children and women first, and AberHanks would undoubtedly also have heeded that code. And yet Frances was there, and AberHanks never attempted to evacuate her or doubted her skill. The police and Frances fighting side by side shows the audience that even in the 19th century, Frances is recognised firstly as member of the Chivalric Order, before being ““just a woman in a huge dress””. Don’t mess with her.

3. “Just like my family!” - one line, many messages.

A very small but game-changing alternation is when Ciel was trying to convince Lizzie to remove her dress to benefit escape. In the manga when Lizzie refused, O!Ciel immediately rips the dress, saying that once dead she won’t be able to wear any dress, because death is the end of everything.

In the musical with real child actors they couldn’t very well reenact this scene, so instead they gave Ciel the line: “Everything is over if you’re dead, just like my family!”

In the musical, Ciel doesn’t touch Lizzie, which is very clever. When someone refuses to remove her clothes, it is because she feels infringed, exposed and/or unsafe. If somebody doesn’t do something out of fear, what you need to do to convince them is to minimise that fear. By forcefully ripping her clothes, MangaCiel only made Lizzie feel even more infringed.

Instead of touching Lizzie, MusicalCiel appeals to Lizzie’s empathy. By making Ciel say “my family” to Lizzie, both audience and Lizzie are shown/reminded how Ciel had tragically lost his family, and cannot afford to lose more. At that time of the musical, new audiences wouldn't know yet what Ciel had been through. So when later the Cinematic Record of Sebas started, “just like my family” also functions as an effective foreshadowing of what would later be revealed, avoiding Ciel being in a cage looking like it came from nowhere to new audiences.

One could argue that Ciel’s phrase was emotional manipulation, yes... but it was a literal life or death situation for the objective good of everyone. And besides, we all know who our Trash Lord™ is; manipulation is part of him.

Ciel had yelled at Lizzie, and immediately he turned around, clutching his chest. It was such an impressive moment because it showed how that blow Ciel dealt was a doubled edged one. Lizzie was clearly hit too, and very quickly she realised her own fault and apologised. Then the most fun part for the audience is to consider whether this was Ciel’s genuine reaction, or whether that was all part of his acting skills in manipulating Lizzie. I say both are equally likely! (Oh Reo, you brilliant little...)

I personally consider this alteration superiour to the manga original.

4. Grell - A Capable Career Woman

Per Yana’s direct request to Grell’s actor, Uehara, she asked him to portray Grell as a capable career woman because Yana admitted she failed to do so herself.

Most of Yana’s request was fulfilled simply by Uehara’s acting and respect for Grell, but there is also one tiny line added to her script which emphasises her focus on her job. “I’m dropping you!”

Nobody on the Campania had time to fool around because it was literally going down. Grell had her job to do, and yet Rian thought it a good idea to withhold information from Grell about the method of stopping the zombies. By threatening Rian whose life was at Grell’s mercy with “I’m dropping you”, the audience is very effectively shown that Grell is a no-nonsense woman, and that she knows how to get someone to talk. 👌👌👌

5. An Unfortunate Sacrifice

Some things had to be omitted to fit the stage time limit, but the most painful omission in my opinion were details in Sebastian’s cinematic record.

A really unfortunate but understandable omission was Ciel reuniting with Tanaka and Madam Red... but considering the time constraints of the musical, shoe-horning these moments in with different actors would have come at the expense of the rest of the musical. Though very sad, it is what it is.

Another omission is Sebas forgetting to spare one assassin to interrogate. In this post I discussed in detail why this omission by the movie adaptation was such a sin. Tango on the Campania omitted that part too, though as a stage medium it is more forgivable than an animated movie with endless possibilities Ò^Ó. Nevertheless it is a bit sad, because this omission takes away that the audience can see how Sebas was just so used to massacring on auto pilot, and how even Sebas himself recognises he needs to learn control.

THOUGH, I must say the musical actually tries to compensate for this shortcoming, unlike the movie. This omission of what showed that Sebas was far from perfect at the beginning, Furukawa compensated by simply being the most insincere, passive-aggressive, unprofessional, arrogant prick he could be.

The audience won’t catch a hint that Sebas used to be no more than a weapon, but they will see how Sebastyun never served a human on close proximity before!

6. Raw Trash Demon

I have already talked about how Sebastyun is a real game-changer on this blog, so I will not repeat every detail again. So here I will only address the significant changes in spoken lines that add to Sebastian’s character before he was fully trained. In this post I discussed in detail how Furukawa portrayed Sebastian’s gradual growth from raw demon to one hell of a butler. Sebas at the beginning was really butler in appearance only, as he was insolent and never knew when to shut his wondrous trap.

In stage format it would have been quite awkward to do a bath scene, so instead the creators replaced it with a wound-dressing scene. Instead of pouring hot water over the boy, Sebastyun is now scrubbing his master’s skin off. When the boy protests, rather than immediately apologising like his manga counterpart did, Sebastyun just shoves the feedback right back down the boy’s throat. “You’re making too much of a big deal out of it.” Here we see how Sebas is not there to serve his master, he’s just doing his thing because he has to.

Another line that is musical only is when Ciel’s stomach rumbled, and Sebas laughed his arse off, saying: “what an inglorious sound!” In the manga Sebas started a high-horse speech about human weakness, which was quite bold already. But he did not seem to dare straight up humiliate his master for a basic bodily need.

Sebastyun however? Balls of steel.

He humiliates his master, can’t apologise for shit, and when he says things in compliance with his master, it’s in a tone of: “well, screw you too”. Sebastyun was so bad at his job that Ciel too was given another line that wasn’t in the manga: “The preparations of a day’s meals is part of a butler’s job”.

Sebas had just criticised his master for being a useless kid, and now Ciel makes a comeback with the line: “well, you don’t even know what your literal job is, let alone how to do it.” The addition of this line is very powerful in my opinion, because it quite effectively compensates for the omitted scenes of Ciel and Sebas both sucking at their respective roles.

When O!Ciel commented on Sebas’ awful cooking, MangaSebas seemed quite willing to do his job well, and immediately offered to fix his mistake. Sebas does not apologise, but he does show that he made a mistake in not being considerate enough of Ciel’s current condition.

Sebastyun however, couldn’t apologise for shit at the beginning. Instead of showing openness to feedback, he immediately externalises by making humans the problem again, rather than his own lack of cooking skill. No wonder Ciel smashed that table with such aggression!

Another changed line is Sebas bringing his master hot milk after his failed dinner attempt. Originally Sebas did so potentially as an attempt to show his readiness to do better at his job. He explains that he does so out of consideration for the well-being of the boy.

In the musical however, Sebastyun does not say the manga line. Instead he says: “I can’t afford to have you starve to death.” I am not sure whether this was the script or Furukawa’s improvisation, but either way it perfectly shows yet again, how Sebas is not there to serve his master, but to just get his tasks over with.

This is a very short but efficient alternative way to retell how Sebas especially at the beginning was not very enthusiastic about being summoned, as analysed here from the original Japanese manga. Sebas is not like: “(UwU) gimme more orders”, he’s like: “(ಠ_ಠ) what is it this time?”

A small addition that was definitely an improvisation was Sebastyun sitting down on Ciel’s bed, and the boy pushing him away. (At the beginning of the run Furukawa didn’t do that yet. The first time Furukawa sat down Reo just moved aside and gave Sebas a nasty look.) Here it also reemphasises how little Sebastian understood of what was done and NOT done as a servant.

A final, noteworthy addition in the far beginning of their contract was Ciel saying that he acknowledges both he himself are the demon are still fakes. The boy says this line after Sebas had brought him hot milk which Ciel appreciated.

Ciel calls his butler forward in a soft tone, and Sebastyun just looked so self-congratulatory, self-satisfied, he adjusted his suit, standing all ready like: PRAISE ME! (●´ิ∀´ิ●)✨

Yeah no... you wish.

In the manga this line doesn’t exist, so Sebas is simply surprised to hear the compliment, and then his master just splashes the cold water right over him.

7. Active Inclusion Midfords - Manga Fix?

The most dramatic and influential change to the musical is the active inclusion of the Midfords. It is an entire scene that was added to the musical, so it is a bit impossible to unpack everything in this already very long post. So here I will only address the most game-changing alterations.

Yana Beaten to the Punch, strike 2 and 3?

Now many chapters later than the Campania Arc, we know that the Midfords had been the legal guardians of Ciel after the death of his family. But even before the release of the chapter, we’d see in Sebastyun’s Cinematic Record how the Midfords were very involved with their nephew. This shows how much respect for the manga the musical producers had, and how well they understood their source material that they too could beat Yana to the punch. Strike 2!

Both Midfords were present before and during the decoration ceremony. And Sebas bows deeply, thanking them sincerely for their aid all this time. Sebas cannot lie, so when he says “sincere gratitude”, it really was sincere. Alexis responds humbly, saying that it’s simply the right thing to do.

Not only did the Midfords aid Ciel in his reintegration into the world, Frances also showed the audience and Sebas she knows exactly what she is preparing the child for. Frances says she understands how cruel it is for the young Ciel to do what is expected of him, because being Earl means more than wealth and power. It is: “shouldering the burden and name of ‘the Queen’s Watchdog’.” The musical also does a great job at linking Frances’ position as the previous Watchdog’s sister, to being the legal guardian of the future Watchpuppy.

I have seen many manga readers talk about how they found Frances’ involvement insufficient in the manga, and I understand. She has a very small role in the manga, so we don’t know what she has or hasn’t done to help. But in Tango on the Campania, we do get a much clearer sense of the Midfords’ role in Ciel’s life.

Ciel was still mid-preparation before the start of the Ceremony, but Frances and Alexis had already arrived to keep a parental eye on him.Ciel is surprised, but Frances responds with: “it would set a bad example if the star is late”. Though it is but one short phrase, the script writers shows (not ‘tells’) how she is there because she wants to make sure Ciel’s decoration will go smoothly, as well as that her own role is to set an example for Ciel by being on time herself.

This is possibly a reference to what Sebas says to Frances in chapter 14, how he wishes her to be his master’s example. Except that here in the musical, it is Frances who takes this initiative, which in my opinion is the superiour way.

When Frances commends Ciel for his courage of returning to fight, Sebastian adds: “The most opportune chance for counter attack is when the opponent strikes. That is what milady Frances had taught him, the Young Master said.”

To which Frances is quite surprised to hear, and incredulously she says: “Ciel said that?” This makes one suspect whether Frances really said those words to supposedly Real Ciel. It would be very funny if Sebastian (accidentally) gave Frances a hint of his master’s real identity. I am not sure whether this is an implicit hint that Frances might have started suspecting Ciel is not the Real Ciel. Some have theorised Frances has the deepest suspicions among everyone. If that turns out to be true, then TotC might have beaten the original manga to the punch again. Potential strike three!

Another change is the replacement of Madam Red with Alexis. This one is just a very pragmatic change, because the phrase “To Ciel you are already as good as family” is very iconic and important and shouldn’t be left out. But getting a Madam Red in here out of nowhere would require time-consuming exposition. So by giving this phrase to Alexis instead, the musical effectively solves two problems in one go.

8. Reunion and Aftermath

Another addition to the original manga is the reunion on the rescue ship, just like the the movie adaptation of the Campania Arc did. After all that has happened it is very nice for the audience to see the emotional reunion and the aftermath. In the manga the Arc ended with Sebas and his master on the rescue boat, and it had a very nice, open feeling to it, I absolutely love it! 💖🚤

Audience Considerate Story Telling

To a musical-only audience (which TotC had a lot of because of the collaboration with TOHO), the opening ending might have felt a bit abrupt. These musical-only spectators don’t have the Arcs after the Campania to know for sure Sebas and Ciel went home safely, and that life would just continue. Nor would they know for sure what kind of impact the enormous revelation of Undertaker being a reaper would have on our protagonists. Had the non-manga audiences been given the same ending as the original, then it might have looked a bit like this to them.

Also considering the musical medium, any (Japanese) audience would want a satisfying finale song to wrap everything up. (Kuromyu21 not having one was a real complaint among JP spectators). And after the dramatic brawl song of Sebas fighting the zombies on that boat, you can’t very well pull another song on that tiny thing again. Okay, the song TotC did settle with for the finale song was......very disappointing in my opinion as it reminded me more of a Disney parade, but it at least had a song.

Emotional Full Circle

Despite the song being quite unfitting, the emotional reunion really, REALLY hit hard. When Lizzie says “welcome back” to Ciel, it was a perfect full circle back to what Lizzie couldn’t do 3 years ago.

In her flashback of 3 years ago when Ciel returned to her, the boy lifelessly said: “I’m back... Elisabeth”. Lizzie however never responded with “welcome back” because she was too preoccupied with something just feeling off.

In the musical reunion however, unlike 3 years ago Lizzie was fully emotionally equipped to genuinely welcome her fiancé back, and Ciel too happily responds: “yeah, I’m back, Lizzie”, using Lizzie’s preferred name.

Sebastian’s Aftermath

The reunion is but a simple addition, but it allows the musical to show the impact of such a traumatic event on the omnipotent demon butler.

The Cinematic Record showed how cocky Sebastyun was, and how he didn’t have a single worry in his life. After Undertaker had fatally wounded even the demon however, Sebas became a different person. In the finale we see Undertaker silently disappearing into the shadows. Sebastyun wasn’t even entirely sure whether Undertaker was there, but at the merest suspicion already you see him flinch and twitch. This shows how from now on Sebas has become a person who is on edge.

I mean, what’s the point of telling an event if the event doesn’t impact the story and characters, right? In this way too, the inserted aftermath scene skillfully wraps up an overwhelmingly eventful story.

9. Afterword

Well, thank you for reading this looong post till the end! As discussed in this post, TotC did a wonderful job at adapting an existing story with consideration of its audience and medium.

The largest obstacle of the theatre medium is time constraint, so the makers have to sacrifice parts. In what was sacrificed however, they more than sufficiently compensated by including parts outside the Campania Arc into the musical, without harming the integrity. This shows just how much respect and knowledge the TotC team have of the source material.

As a musical adaptation, it is an exemplary production.

Related posts:

Hyper Detailed Development - The Art of Kneeling

That Demon, Skin Crawling

That Butler - Punchable

Lost in Translation II - Sebastyun’s Butlernese

[dancingazaleas]

jeankasa | burned out

yes this is based off of a dodie song

yes i am sad

this is messy and unorganized and i feel like it’s really bad but i’ll post it anyways lol

warnings/notes: canonverse, cursing, ANGST, huge manga spoilers, jean is tired

jean watched as mikasa argued back with levi and armin, anger and sadness flowing through his beaten up body.

“maybe we can do something different! i need eren to live, no one understands,” mikasa was pleading to a brick wall at this point, fat tears rolling down her cheeks as jean sits on the dirt staring at the floor.

jean didn’t want to kill eren. eren was a close friend since the age of 12, eren was his rival since the age of 12, eren made jean laugh, eren used to make jean have hope for the future. and most importantly, eren made mikasa happy.

jean hated that mikasa only looked to eren. even when he told mikasa he hated her, she still loved. even when he abandoned her, she still loved.

yet she never loved whenever jean would stay up with her, holding her to his chest as she sobs brokenly. mikasa didn’t love, didn’t even consider, when jean told her once. and it was at that moment he stopped trying for mikasa.

he knew it was pointless, why try to get with someone who’d never love you back. and why try to stand in the way of both eren and mikasa’s happiness. especially if they were his friends.

so for years, he erased the heart he always wore on his sleeve and dealt with it. he ignored the pounding aches he got in his chests whenever mikasa would blush at eren. he ignored the jealousy, the agony, all of it. besides, he was a solider, who was he to be falling in love?

instead, he sought for her friendship instead. he understood every word that fell from her lips. every gentle touch that graced his skin whenever mikasa was upset. every action, every emotion. and despite how painful it was, he’d do it for her.

jean starts crying at the realization dawning upon him. the woman he loves has to kill the only thing making her happy, and he has to let it happen. it’s best for mikasa, best for armin, and most of all, best for humanity.

and despite this, he’s flooded with anger at how mikasa fights against it. he understands why she doesn’t want eren dead, but humanity is more important. it’s something she’d told him the first time he confessed.

he’s flooded with anger that mikasa will stand there, smiling, just for eren to hurt her over and over and over again until she’s reduced to heartbreak.

jean’s on edge, and everyone can see. he’s on the verge of snapping at mikasa, of telling her that she’s an idiot for going back, for loving eren, and for trying to give mercy; even though jean won’t mean any of it.

“no one loves me like he does, understands me like he does! he has to live,” that’s the only meaning jean can decipher as mikasa begs to spare eren.

“i can’t live without him, he needs to live. there’s another way,” is what she really says.

and when mikasa flicks her head over her shoulder, teary eyes staring at jean’s huddled together figure, that’s when she makes a mistake. everyone knew as soon as she moved her head in his direction.

“jean,” she cries, halfway turning her body to him, “you agree with me, don’t you?!”

connie stares wide eye at his friends dark expression, darkness filling his usually bright and tired eyes.

levi watches in pity while armin grits his teeth, they’ve always been observant.

everyone watches as jean stands to his feet and walks in front of mikasa. he stays silent as he stares her down, hoping to find some hint that this is all just a joke. that she’s pulling at prank on him.

but she’s not.

heavy hands slap down onto her shoulders as his mouth opens in a grimace.

“mikasa, are you stupid?”

she stares in shock at jean.

angry tears are rushing down his face while his jaw is tightened. his eyebrows are furrowed with both anger and somehow sadness.

“you waited smiling for this? for eren to commit mass genocide?! to hurt you?! you can live without eren! they love you, i love you, mikasa. we understand as his friends, his comrades, as people. but we also understand as soldiers.” he screams in her face, “i’m so tired of sitting here in silent agony over you, eren, marco, and sasha.

“you once told me that humanity matters more than love. you can’t be a hypocrite, so stick with your word.”

“i’m not... you told me you understood,” she whimpers as jean turns his back and walks back to connie.

“i do. i don’t want eren to die. but he needs to. not only to save humanity, but to pay for his sins. what did you think would happen if he does survive, mikasa?! that you’d be able to marry him and live out your days in a cottage in the wood of wall maria?! he’d be tortured or executed! either way, he’ll die, so let’s make it at our hands. but you made a statement, you claimed a belief, and now, you’ve got to stick with it. at the most significant moment, you’ve gotta stick with it.” he cries, placing his palms over his ears.

mikasa’s mouth hangs open as jean holds back his sobs.

“eren has to die in order to save humanity.”

mikasa sighs shakily at his loaded statements. she’s been a cause behind his pain, she’s not been there for him like he had been for her, and eren has to die. eren will die, either way. and that jean still loves her. he always has.

“jean, i understand. and... i’m sorry,” she wipes away her tears.

“i don’t care anymore, i’m just tired at this point. if i even survive, i just want a beer,” he grunts while standing back onto his feet and helping connie up.

everyone stares pitifully at jean as he starts to walk ahead.

but with that, they all follow along to save humanity.

[rosezure]

Todoroki Family - My Opinion

MANGA SPOILERS FOR BNHA/MHA ahead!

CW: parental neglect and abuse, anxiety, therapy, Touya Todoroki/Dabi, Enji Todoroki/Endeavor, spoilers, swearing (please remind me if I forgot anything).

Disclaimer: All of the information on the Todoroki family dynamics is based on my interpretation of what’s been (so far) revealed through the anime and manga. These are all just opinions, you are free to agree or disagree respectfully. I do not wish to invalidate anyone’s opinion. Family dynamics have always been a very sensitive and triggering subject to me, so I hope that you respect that if you wish to discuss this with me.I would like to give my own two cents on the Todoroki family situation. As someone that has dealt with abuse and neglect in a (slightly) similar way my whole life, this story hits very close to home. I will try to be as thorough and objective as possible. But, feel free to call me out (respectfully) if there is anything ambiguous or if problematic. Thank you.

I am going to focus on Touya/Dabi and Enji’s story. I do not know enough to talk about Rei’s role in all of this, so I will not mention her. But, I might update this as new chapters come out.

I will talk about Dabi’s early years by referring to him as Touya since that was his identity at the time. Any comments about him as an adult will be referring to him as Dabi.

I was a psychology student for about two years, and when we learned about child development, here is what I gathered:

When you are a child, all you want is to be loved, to be safe. This is essential to a child, as it is what develops them into a healthy and independent adult. And, this is especially important concerning parents or guardians. Effective parenting practices ensure that the child will have a better chance at developing according to their age and needs. This will grant the kids skills that they will use and perfect as they grow up. In other words, children that are well-taken care of have a higher chance of being strong, healthy, and emotionally developed adults.

When a parent or guardian is ignorant of how they can impact their child’s growth, it has many negative effects. In Touya’s case, Enji Todoroki was clueless. This does not mean Enji should not be held responsible just because he was ignorant. Enji knew he was not being the best parent, but he did not know how exactly. And, at the time he was blinded by his greed and ambition, so he would not have been paying attention to that. Even so, (personally) I do not think parents are afforded the luxury of ignoring their bad parenting if they are made aware of it. They are responsible for another human’s life and growth. They should be held accountable if the child develops issues and hurts themselves or even others.

With that being said, Enji Todoroki was a horrible but clueless parent. From what I have understood from the manga and the anime, at first, he had no idea why Shoto was so "rebellious" (in his opinion). He also seemed to not understand Natsuo and Fuyumi. So I am led to believe that he was, at the time, oblivious to how much he negatively impacted Touya. 

Touya just wanted his father’s affection. If that meant grueling training and preparing to become a hero to defeat All Might, then so be it. It was the attention and affection he knew. He was not led to believe otherwise. Touya's sole positive interactions came from him showing he could fulfill his father’s sick dream. In a child’s mind, that was the only way to secure parental love and approval: To train as hard as possible and become what his father so desperately wished for.

Then his hair started turning white. He started getting injured because of his quirk. His only source of positive attention, his only hope for affection, was killing him. And it had to be stopped. I am sure in Touya’s mind, this meant he would not be loved anymore. 

And then Enji stopped training him. Natsuo was born. Shoto was born. And Touya felt that his source of love was directed to that baby. The baby that Enji saw as a success. Enji made Touya feel like a failure, a broken toy. And he was being replaced by a newer, shinier one: His brother.

When he tries to attack Shoto, he is trying to take back his place. Touya was trying to gain back his father’s love and attention.

Enji wanted to prevent Touya from hurting himself more. But he failed to communicate that. Instead, his words made it seem like his plan was foiled. Touya wasn’t enough, so Enji’s chance of using him to end All Might vanished. Touya wasn’t what Enji needed anymore.

Touya’s world didn’t collapse all at once. It didn’t even crack all at once. From what I understood, it was a collection of hairline fractures that never healed. It was a dislocated shoulder that was never put back in its place and was left to hang. It was a pounding headache that only grew more and more painful over time. 

When Dabi was born, Touya had been buried in bruises, paper cuts, minor broken bones, chronic illnesses. Touya was killed by exhaustion and pain. He didn’t die at one point, he was dying all along. 

As someone who suffers from chronic issues, I know that the somatization of symptoms and other sources of pain can turn a simple illness into something much more serious. Think of it as a butterfly effect, but all inside one person: Every single negative experience, from both outer and inner sources, all summed and turned into one massive festering wound. 

Touya’s mind was a living open wound, it seems.

So Dabi was born. To seal the wound shut. Clean it? No. Protect it? Maybe.

But this particular type of wound (the psychological, emotional one) if left untreated can become infected. And infected wounds are harder and more painful to clean and treat. 

Dabi’s mind is a bandaid over an infected wound. It seems objectively okay, maybe even sane. But he’s clearly in pain. He’s not in his right mind. His decisions all stem from the pure rage and anger of a child that was abandoned. 

What chapter 300 brought was the perspective of a child that just wanted to be loved. That's all he wanted. And the only love he knew was when Enji Todoroki trained with him, no matter how gruesome and painful it must've been.

I'm gonna briefly and superficially compare his situation to mine. Of course, I didn’t suffer half of the pain he did, and I won't go into any detail as to not trigger myself. But, I only got attention when I was either extremely sick or I was needed as a trophy child of some sort. Even then, if I was ill, the attention I got was so I could get well soon and go back to being "useful". I was an extension of them, at best. But I still craved their attention. I still do in a way to this very day. It's not something that just goes away once you realize how toxic and abusive it is.

No matter how much pain I’m in, no matter how love-starved I am, I still want their approval. Inside me, there’s still a scared child, crying out for her parents to love her. That child is now my responsibility. I have to give her love, nurture her so she can grow with me.

Does that make sense?

I have no idea how Dabi is feeling. And I don’t think we’ll ever truly know. He is fictional, after all, and there’s no telling if Horikoshi will be delving into that.

But maybe Touya is still inside Dabi, crying, screaming to be loved. And Dabi is trying his best to tend to that child, but he never truly grew up to know how to take care of another being. Dabi doesn’t know how to take care of himself emotionally. 

I’m learning because I, thankfully, have access to therapy. But it hurts. It hurts to realize the ones that were meant to take care of you, didn’t. It hurts to look into yourself and see a shaking, teary-eyed child begging for crumbs of love.

Now, with the whole "redemption" thing being debated, here's my own personal opinion. You don't have to agree, and I'm not asking you to. Again, this is just how I view it. As a survivor, I'd be relieved to see my parents try. The damage is done, true. I'll never regain my childhood. I'll never have what people with different, better, parents have. The past can't be reversed. And I'm seeing it repeat itself with my little brother. But, if there's a minimal chance that my parents can own up to what they did, that they open themselves up to changing their behavior and learning, then maybe we can build something new.

Build. Not rebuild. The foundation of our past relationship was rotten from the beginning. A new one must be built. A new foundation must be developed if we ever hope to make something of our relationship.

If the Todorokis, really want to reconcile, reconnect, rebuild, then they must start from scratch. If Enji Todoroki wants that, he’s gonna have to start from zero, from nothing. And I'm not entirely sure if Endeavor is doing that, but he is trying, somehow. We don't know for sure if he even has the emotional skills to do so. We can't say for sure that he's got what it takes to man up, own up and learn. But, he seems to be trying.

And that's something I've accepted I'll never have.

So if there's at least a 1% chance that he is truly trying, that Enji wants to redeem himself, then let him. Let their family try and heal together if that's what they want.

I'm not sure about the Japanese culture when it comes to family. But where I come from, a family is an important base of our personal and social development, to the point that reconciliation more often than not is the best route.

Still, I know it's not for everyone. So I respect you if you believe he doesn't deserve a chance. I understand if you say Enji Todoroki should be kept far away from his family. You're right, and you're valid.

But, please, please, if the author decides that he redeems himself and does try his best to start a new relationship with his family, let him. Let them heal. Together. Let them try and make up for the lost time in the best way in the present. Let them rebuild.

I know I'd give anything to rebuild my family.

Let Touya be healed and put Dabi to rest. Touya needs to be loved, he needs to be taken care of like he never was as a child. Dabi needs to be told he tried. He needs to be told he did what he could. 

But Dabi is also an adult now. He’s got legal responsibilities. The pain and devastation he’s caused and helped cause can’t be overlooked. He needs help, but he also had to be held accountable. 

Touya/Dabi needs to face himself and start over. He needs to face the man he’s become and at the same time take care of the child he wasn’t able to be. 

If the Todoroki family is reconciled, I dearly hope he gets to be a part of this new book. Not a new chapter, they need to throw that whole book away and start a new one. And, if possible, I’d love to see someone like me get the ending I won’t be getting. 

I hope this made some sense at least. Again, if anything is unclear, ambiguous, or problematic, let me know and I’ll do my best to correct or remove the bad parts. If you’ve read this far, thank you. If you share a similar experience, I’m sorry, and I’m here for you.