#i love having my dumb little online diary

[rad-rat-boy]

My tummy hurts so bad and I'm going to blame it on heartbreak or whatever.

[gguk-n]

Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

[crissiebaby]

Codi's New Diary: Entry 001

OOOOOOH! Crissie’s done it now! I like to think of myself as a fairly patient and forgiving person. I’ve let a lot go over the past couple of years. The pestering, the teasing, the SMELL! Through all of it, I did my best not to let my temper get the better of me…but not this time.

Of all the stunts I assumed Crissie would have the gall to pull, I never imagined for a second that she’d do anything as disturbed as to publish pages from my diary! Oh yeah, that was a lovely little nugget of information I stumbled upon late last night when reviewing some of my old artwork. And she was such a whiner when I confronted her about it too. “Oh, I’m sooooorry! They were super blushy and they paired so well with your artwork! I’d never post them maliciously!” Oh, cry me a river, you big, dumb baby! She's so lucky I love her.

Sadly, there isn’t much I can do to salvage the situation at this point. The entries are already online so it’d be futile to get them taken down. That doesn’t mean my revenge won’t be swift, however. As we speak, Crissie is currently strung up in my slime dangling over her crib with two full bottles of expired CrissBaby Bowel Busting Formula bubbling away in her tummy. She may be a mush tush but everyone has their limits, and based on the way she keeps groaning, I’d say she’s well past hers.

Unsurprisingly, my old diary is too compromised to keep using, so this will be the first entry in my new one. Don’t worry, this entry’s posting is completely sanctioned by yours truly. Given how popular my diary seems to be, it probably won’t be the last time I use it for art inspiration, so be sure to keep an eye out.

In the meantime, I’ve got a bratty butt on my hands in desperate need of a good paddling; one swat for every like, favorite, and/or note my diaries received. And I’ve only got until midday tomorrow, or else Master will get on me for hampering Crissie’s work schedule.

BLOOOOOOOOOORRRRRT!!!

Sounds like she’s ready for me. Guess I’d better get busy!

P.S. In case you’re wondering, the grand total currently stands at 7624, so her ass is grass >:3 

💜 Artwork by CodiBaby 💜 💕 Story By CrissieBaby 💕

SubscribeStar: subscribestar.adult/crissiebaby pixivFANBOX: crissiebaby.fanbox.cc All CB Links: linktr.ee/crissiebaby

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Special Thanks to Our CrissBaby Diaper Company Investors: BlushyBen DD JFN Nike Pansy Jason Sissikins PrincessKittenLizzi Rosie Princess SissyDina Strawberry Sweetsamantharebecca & One Anonymous Investor

[golbrocklovely]

i'm blocking out the accounts bc i'm not about to draw more eyes to them. funny enough, i went snooping on my own and found both accounts before this ask.

also this is just a warning, i'm running on about two percent battery brain power, so if this doesn't make sense and/or sounds like i'm an asshole, that's why. i'm not trying to be rude to you anon, so please don't think that. i'm just ridiculously tired of this situation and the ppl involved in it.

imma be so forreal, i kinda have to laugh at all of this. first off, both of these accounts are run by teenagers… and it's very obvious. it reads like a jealous little girl's diary.

also i can debunk all of their shit in a heartbeat. half of it is just them saying "see ! malia is a slut who had work done" and all i gotta say to that is… do you say that about amber? shea? stas? just curious. bc they all got work done, and they all have casual sex (most likely) or at the very least have hooked up with colby. so like???? keep the misogyny even if you're gonna go full pick me.

malia had an onlyfans, yes. she did technically lie in her response to a hater who said she had one. however, no one is owed an explanation to if and why she had one. and secondly, this fandom is full of young fans. if she admitted she had one, yall would just call her a creep that's promoting sex to minors or whatever. and clearly if she actually posted anything of her nude, it would be online. bc.. like these losers pointed out, the videos she did of her modelling bikinis for some brand got put on porn sites by creepy dudes. none of them are of her nude tho. it's just her in a bikini which surprise surprise isn't porn.

she got work done but liked a comment that called her a natural beauty….. do these fans really think they ate pointing this out?? she is naturally pretty, she just got some work done. again, would you harp on shea liking a comment that says that? or amber? or stas?? or how about a woman that's wearing makeup or a push up bra??

these fans really think they have her in this gotcha moment when reality is…. all they're doing it pointing out how pathetic they look. yeah babes, you're totally right. malia is a slutty porn star who got work done… and colby STILL decided to date her. you know why? bc he doesn't care. and you do… and yet here you are… still not getting the attention from colby you think you deserve. even if you were the last person on earth colby wouldn't choose you. and for all the hate you have for malia, you basically run a fan account for her since you know so much about her. but yeah… keep calling her a whore or whatever. you're doing such a good job at it lmao

i'll go thru the other ones these bozos pointed out fast:

colby likes his alone time, she made a tiktok saying she likes when guys are obsessive…. those don't even relate, but on top of that she made that vid before she was even DATING HIM

we have no proof malia made him unfollow anyone, they are just jumping to that conclusion

the cheating thing we now know is false

she didn't steal that hair color from amber………. are yall on crack? amber hasn't ever dyed her hair that color?? she uses a wig??? and just bc she wants to dye her hair a similar color doesn't mean malia copied. how would she have even known that?? jesus christ keep the schools open these kids are DUMB

the girls went to coachella a couple years ago or whatever but claimed the one they went to with snc was their first. oH mY gOd ThEy LiEd Or PoSsIbLy FoRgOt??? call the firing squad and line them up in the town square. burn the witches at the stake!!!!

malia called herself a slut and that's proof… she's a slut. sure. yeah. whatever you say, children. yall barely have had sex ed but please inform me how she's a slut. i'd love to hear it.

the girls in general are copying kat/amber. i mean… they literally aren't. they just cut and dyed their hair, two things NEITHER KAT OR AMBER HAVE DONE in a long time/ever. i would say you're grasping at straws but that would require there to be straws.

if you think malia or katelyn are bad ppl for having subscriptions about their lives where they might post their boyfriends, boy do i have news for you about shea and stas.

anything else they said is horseshit and tbh i'm over it. call me when the girls have been found guilty of something other than being kinda annoying and attention seeking on *gasp* the internet, of all places.

[tjmystic]

Before I say anything else, let me be clear that I support trans, nonbinary, and otherwise queer people. I support and want to validate the ways that they choose to present themselves and the things they need to make themselves feel like humans instead of weird dolls that someone slapped a gender onto arbitrarily. This is not a TERF post, I'm not interested in anything TERFs have to say.

Now, with that out of the way, I'm going to do a "woe is me, poor little privileged person" thing, and I'm well aware that it's going to sound dumb, but this blog is basically a virtual diary at this point, and, if you followed me, you signed up to sneak into my room with little flashlights and creep through the pages.

It is SO difficult to hold so-called "normal" or mainstream identities when, in large part, you don't want to have a community with any of the people who also hold such identities. And not just because of them. It's also because of people who are deemed transversive or abnormal. I recognize that this is a purely online problem and that most people who don't match the norm have to hide themselves away in fear lest they be attacked, but I'm not really interested in meeting or doing things with anyone in person, so virtual interaction is what I do. And because I reject everything fascist, white supremacist, evangelical, and misogynistic, most of my curated online experience is very queer. Usually, that's great. I'm not queer myself, but I usually feel like I have more in common with queer people than I do with other cis straights.

But not always.

Here's an example. I get that a lot of people hate the gender binary and find it oppressive. I completely agree that arbitrary gender roles are stupid. I also understand that gender isn't completely binary because, otherwise, nonbinary and agender people wouldn't exist. But people lose me when they say they want to abolish gender entirely. I am a woman and I like being a woman and I have always identified as either a girl or a woman. (Discounting one day when I was 4 and tried drawing hair on my chest with my mom's mascara because I COMPLETELY missed the point of Mulan and thought it meant you couldn't do cool stuff if you were or looked like a girl. My mom clarified things for me.) Taking that away from me would be taking away a big part of who I am and how I define myself. I don't even like the idea of anyone ever asking me about my pronouns, because the idea that someone couldn't be able to tell at first glance that I'm a woman makes me feel gross. Not because being anything besides a woman is gross, but because me being seen as anything other than what I am is. I already feel unsexy and ugly and unattractive on a daily basis, being mistaken for anything but a woman would just make that even worse.

On a similar note, I'm a monogamous person. I like the idea that other people have so much love to give that they don't want to be confined to a single romantic pairing. Sometimes. But, most of the time, hearing people openly describe their relationship goals with terms like, "I don't want to limit myself to one person" and, "It's stupid to think that one person can fulfill all of your emotional needs" is deeply depressing for me. It plants that seed of reminder that even people I think I have a kinship with would never think I'm enough in a relationship, that they would eventually get bored of me and want more because I just can't do it for them on my own. That is devastating to me.

Final example: I'm Christian. Literally no one needs me to explain why Christians are pretty much always the bad guys. Even I have a tendency to cringe away from or otherwise dismiss anyone who calls themselves Christian or talks about Jesus because I know the behaviors and attitudes associated with my religion. But it's still my religion. And seeing people call all religions cults, say we should do away with religion entirely, or claim that religion is the main source of people wanting to murder each other makes me want to bash my head against a wall.

But it doesn't feel like there's an alternative. I'm not talking to people who want to oppress or even murder trans and other queer people. I'm not participating in anything with people who think that enforced monogamy is a good thing. I don't actually see any kinship between myself and predominantly white nationalists who use Jesus as an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want. But it sometimes feels like the only alternative to that is being stuck in a weird "other" box.

I'm not expecting a reward for doing the bare minimum of rejecting the stupid and cruel parts of society. I'm not comparing my "struggle" or whatever to the genuine fear of assault and death that queer people have to deal with on a daily basis. It would just be nice if there was any kind of community that doesn't want to kill or hurt people but is also cool with liking some of the societal constructs we've been born with.

[edgarrallannhoe]

5.08.024

Ok, i’m noticing no one is looking at my tumblr lol, so i’ll keep writing whatever and turn this into my online diary ( i have a real one that is the most gorgeous diary you’ll see, i swear, if someone is interested in seeing it i’ll post it! ) so i can write the most unhinged shit on it.

Today i woke up humming “joyride” by Kesha, best summer song tbh, and now I’m listening to it on repeat since then ( i alternate between Joyride and Guess, i’m feeling cunty today ). I discovered that i like my face more with only blush and a little bit of nose contoure, and some dark pink lipstick. i think eye liner and mascara drags my face down in some way, idk, and also makes me look older.

i ghosted a guy i knew for 4 years circa. He always treated me kinda bad, but i really cared about him and i always made sure to be kind, gentle, understanding and loving towards him, i now wonder why i was like that but whatever. He is almost ten years older than me, and he used this weird technique to keep me around that consisted in him telling me how special, smart, unique and cool i was, we made fun of others together and we used to gossip and laugh all the time, i obviously had him on a pedestal, and he knew it, and made me believe we were on it together. Idk if i was ever even in love with him, i just really liked him, and i found him interesting.

When he met a girl, he used to make fun of her with me, telling me how dumb the girl was or how crazy she was - i have to admit, these girls were really crazy, but he was as messy as them tbh, so idk why he felt so much normal compared to them -, but then he would take them out to eat and restaurants, or bring them to some fancy hotel, or send a taxi to pick them up.

The fact is, in all these years it was me going to his house - very far away from mine, like 1hour using public transports-, i would always pick up food, i used to just offer him like lunches or dinner cause i knew his economic situation wasn’t the best. I always slept at his house, that was a fricking mess; i would never enter the kitchen, and the bathroom was the stereotype of men’s bathrooms: one shampoo 18 in 1 in the shower, a practically finished toothpaste without the cap and a toothbrush that probably wasn’t changed in forever. The toilet with the toilet seat broken and the flush button broken as well, so you had to fill up a bucket in the sink and then throw the water in the toilet. A true learning experience. And yes, i’m embarrassed that this was the man i liked, please, don’t make me feel worse than i already feel.

One day, he was back in Rome ( he left rome to go live first in Berlin, then Milan ), he was sleeping in a abandoned occupied building that was taken up by a political group; the atmosphere and way of living in these building are pretty brutal, they are not the most clean, you sleep on mats on the floors, during the winter is pretty cold and so on. While we were texting he tells me something like: “Mary- a girl we both know that flirts w him since a lot- asked me to meet!! I don’t know what to do, i’ll try to find some money for a good hotel so we can spend the night together, i can’t make her come here and sleep here..”

The next day, he texts me, I asked how the night with Mary went, he says they didn’t meet, i say something like “aw that’s a bum! i’m sorry” and then he is like “hey what about you coming here tonight - at the Strike- so we can stay together here and sleep together??”. I stopped answering. Why i don’t deserve a nice hotel room? why i don’t deserve a dinner at a restaurant? why i doN’t deserve all these things that other girls can have?

We didn’t speak for a while, then he came back to Rome another time. Me and him had sex like maybe more than ten times, i really didn’t like having sex with him a lot.. he is pretty egoistical, has a very small penis that doesn’t know how to use, sweats a lot and it’s just not good. Luckily he also finishes in like eight minutes, so i didn’t had to endure this whole things for too long. While these were my thoughts on him, he always told me that i was the best sex he ever had, and that many times he thought of me while having sex with other women. One day, when he came back to rome another time, i invited him sleeping at my house for one night cause he had nowhere to go; we share a passion in common that is horror movies, so i was pretty happy to spend the night with him cuddling and watching movies. We had dinner-paid by me obv lol- and then we went to bed and put on one of those trash horror movies that i love.

that night, i didn’t really wanted to have sex, i was a little melancholic, i wanted to cuddle, hug, hold hands and give some kisses. After like twenty minutes that i was with my head on his chest, and was caressing his hand, he started to put his hand under my shorts, then under my undies; i then said: “hey bb, sorry but tonight or rn in general i really don’t want to have sex, i would like to hug and watch the movie.” idk, maybe it wasn’t the right way to put it? idk but he went ballistic. He got up and started shouting: WHAT THE FUCK I CAME HERE FOR? so why am i here? are you kidding me? are you fucking kidding me???” i was speechless, but took courage and said:” I thought u we’re here because we are friends and we like spending time with each other” “Go fuck yourself Emma, what the fuck is this? You are fucking with me, i will not be here for this.” “ok, go away then, i don’t want you here”.

He started dressing up and packing up his things, then said “you are mean, i don’t recognize you.” “go away, i don’t want you here, if you just want someone you can fuck whatever it will not be me, fuck you” “i don’t recognize you” “GO FUCKING AWAY BYEEEEE”. He went away. God had my side that night, cause as soon as he went away a crazy storm fell down on Rome; lightings, thunders. The amount of rain falling of that night was absolutely insane. The funny thing is that J had absolutely nowhere to go, cause he had to sleep at my house, and he didn’t live here anymore, so after thirty minutes he started blowing up my phone while i was staring smiling at my phone at the thought of him out there. Then the messages started: “sorry yadda yadda please let me came back yadda”, again, smiling at my phone. Then i turned off the notifications and kept watching the movie.

The story didn’t finish here, but i’m tired of talking about this douchebag rn. Kisses🤍✨

[robyns-writing-world]

First Diary Entry!

this is my first actual diary entry! exciting!

today was a pretty okay day, I was productive in cleaning and going to the store. I moved back home on Monday so that I can start college next week and have been unpacking and cleaning my room since. I even got myself a few snacks from the store!

last night however my tablet decided to go kaput in a way, my pen's pressure is broken and I have no clue how to fix it. I tried for 2 and a half hours last night! I even tried a bit today but it quickly grew exhausting and I somehow made it worse so I decided to just get a new tablet. it arrives on Saturday! I won't be here to be able to use it and test it out but I'll at least still have it and be able to practice with it on Sunday! I'm excited for that!

going back to the college topic, I'm kinda anxious for it. and yeah, I know anytime school starts there's anxiety, but it's different. people are going to expect so much of me and my mom already does, I mean she wants me to get a job and pay rent on top of going to college. while I only go to school 2 days a week with the rest being online it'll still be a lot with a job and then trying to balance work, school, and my actual life it's going to be really stressful. I know she wants me to get ready for full on adulthood but I'm just not ready for that, I know no one ever is but I'm expected to do so much in such a little amount of time it sucks. on the bright side however! I kinda feel like my life is starting to be my life and not what others say I should do/be! I don't have to worry about taking care of my nephew 24/7 anymore and can do things I want to, like I got to choose what I wanted to do in college! I get to choose my classes! and don't get me wrong I love my nephew and I loved watching him and seeing him grow, I just wasn't able to live my life and spend time with friends or make dumb decisions or go to college when I wanted to, I wasn't living the life I wanted. I was living the life someone asked me to and one that I never planned on staying like that for as long as I did. it'll just be... really nice to live *my* life and be me!

I think that'll be all for tonight, I should get to bed, good night friend! stay safe! <3

~Robyn 8/8/24

[deardumbdiarry]

dear dumb online diary

hi I am 22 years old it's Friday, April 26, 2024 and today I had to drop off the love of my life at the airport so he can fix himself, and I don't think I can ever describe how much this person means to me, he is absolutely gorgeous, so generous so sweet has such a big kind heart, but he's broken just like the rest of us, and I'm in love with every little bit of him. I love him so much I would rather be his friend than to never have him in my life, he changed my life for the better and I can't ask for a better best friend than him, I have to be strong for him. I told him I would take care of his little brother and be there for his mom. I have to keep it together so he can keep it together, and I will do it over and over and over again for him.

Funny, it's isn't it 22 year old girl in love, but it's like a love that I have never ever experienced, and I don't think anyone truly has, he kissed me goodbye. We both wanted to say I love you but our eyes set it all, it's very noticeable, the hair about that kiss it wasn't the first one it was actually our fourth, and each time he had that same sparkle in his eyes, sparkle could be seen across the room, the sparkle that shines so bright, it could light up a night sky, I know I have it I feel it, the warmth wrapping around my body, I know I'm not alone anymore, I feel seen for the first time in four years.

How can you be in love with your best friend? I don't know maybe because we aren't in love? We are friends that love each other and however, the world wants to find that love. That's exactly how we feel about each other because like I said we would rather just be friends then not be in each other's lives anymore. We only knew each other for a year but yet there's this great impact weighing on us like a ton of brakes, but we take it because we know that we're not holding those bricks alone, we don't have to be alone if we have each other

[bunnisdumbbrain]

Dear diary,

There’s so much to talk about here and I have no clue where to start. I’ve never been the best at journaling (only because if there was ever an error on the paper I’d want to rip the page out and start all over) so this seems to be the best option LOL. I think I just want to use this as a place to vent frustrations or keep up with myself, quite literally as a diary. I’m still debating on whether I want to mention this on my main blog only because this is definitely more personal haha. We’ll see.

Anyways, 2023 was such a shit year for me omfg. Let’s see: got into a huge argument with my boyfriend on my graduation day, birthday bonfire was ruined, had to put down my rescue dog due to his aggression :(, boyfriend gave me a relationship ultimatum, spent months wondering why I wasn’t enough, and then ended the 7 year relationship. Sounds like a sob story HAHA, but fuck that year sucked.

My friends have been my biggest support system though. I love them so so much and they are amazing for putting up with me constantly. Also they always agree to go traveling with me <3 I have never traveled as much as I have within the past two months than the past 3 years. I’ve somehow managed to talk my best friends into traveling to New York with me soon so I’m super excited for that. Hopefully I can meet the cute mustache man of my dreams there LOL.

Also, being single is so new to me still!! I was dating my ex since I was 15 so being single at 22 feels so strange! I know for sure I’m not emotionally ready for another relationship at the moment, nor am I looking for one, but I do miss the aspects of a relationship. Like the causal hanging out and kissing LOL. (Maybe I need a friend who I can kiss occasionally) For some reason in January, I ended up downloading bumble (dumbass alert!!) and boy was that shit a doozy. Some are of the guys on there were cute [especially if they had a mustache] but it just was not for me. I also felt like if I did end up meeting anyone in person for a date it be awkward to mention that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. My bumble account lasted 1 1/2 weeks.

Moving on, I think I like talking to people online atm just because nothing comes of it. I can be flirty and no harm done, but boy is it hard to find people I’m genuinely interested in talking to. It gives me such an ick if someone is overly sexual all the time. I get it’s fun occasionally but if I can’t have a casual conversation with you then no thank you!!! I was talking to this one guy on here (which was dumb on my part because this is tumblr) and we had good conversations (plus he was hot) but it would turn me off as soon as he’d ask for pics, especially after I’ve said no. Ended up blocking him </3 (rest in peace).

I’m in no shape or form wanting to send pics OF ANY KIND (unless they’re cute lil selfies) at the moment anyways. I do not feel good in my body and I’d rather rip my eyeballs out then let someone see me naked (a little extreme but my point stands).

Speaking about my body though, I’m wanting to focus on bettering myself this year! I think there’s definitely a lot of things I’ve been slacking on this year and am wanting to change. My weight is my biggest obstacle at the moment. All I can do is workout and eat better though to fix that (have I been doing it? kind of). I just need better accountability!!! Also I need to stop eating out so often. I’m on the fence about not watching porn though LOL. I think I’ve watched it like every other day for the past few months. Maybe it’s bad for me but idk I just like to c*m.

I think I’ll be updating this every week or every other week? I’m terrible at keeping a routine so who knows. I’m planning on going to the gym tomorrow so, fingers crossed.

Sincerely,

Bunni

[subnaut1ca]

I think ppl are sosososoososo soooo silly for getting mad at doja saying she hates her fans lmao

Like.... lol yall have sm time ig 😭😭

Idk like... I have no idea what's up with the drama with her boyfriend or whatever, I don't care enough about celeb drama to look it up or waste my time reading about it but if he's as bad of a guy as everyone says he is, that's definitely rough and her endorsing someone who has done smth hurtful or bad is like a bad thing, but she's an adult woman lmao, she has the brain capacity to make her own decisions. Probably more mindfully and logically than the ppl who don't know them typing on the internet...

That aside,

Ppl that say they hate her cause she called her fans out saying they're cringe, or that she hates them/doesn't love them or whatever or says they're cringe, LOL as a doja fan, I think that's some queen powerful pussy shit, like that's so funny girl😭😭 like idk how ppl are so sensitive to take that so personally, like you're telling me, you walk about your day, ahitting your pants over a GENERAL TWEET doja SENT TO TO GENERAL INTERNET saying her fans are whatever?? You're telling me, you care so much about what this person who has never met you, talked to you, or seen you said about a group of ppl??? That's like me saying I hate Cheswick the 3rd... who is Cheswick the 3rd I don't fucking know he could be somebody out there never met him, what's the impact you might ask?? Absolutely nothing, I'm talking straight outta my asshole. What I'm saying doesn't matter especially in context to cheswick. Idk it's ao wild to me that ppl walk around feeling sad that doja cat doesn't love the people she has never seen and met her, and told her she's ugly, or objectified her or whatever. Like ofc that's a group of ppl only, but I get how it can get to a person. Idk this new edgy style she's going for I think is smth she's doing for herself and smth she wants to show she can break out from what her label which she obviously hated made her make lmao ppl are so simple minded and so binary with their thinking, like im not even gonna label what the reason behind her style change is cause ppl ate complex and maybe if I keep guessing I can get to the ballpark I could get it, but I'll never really get the exact reason lol cause that's smth for her lol. Ik it's like ironic to be like meeeh why are ppl blah blah blah they have sm free time to think about mee mee mee l and I'm literally writing an essay abt it. But Idk I peeped her comments and was just kinda thinking so thought I might as well rant abt it in my diary to myself. Idk I'm not pissed off or being dojas keyboard warrior cause I think she's prolly at fault for whatever bf drama is, but when it comes for being an ass online to fans, is it proffessional?? No. Do I care??? Not really it's kinda funny. Do I think she's doing this to lose fans purposefully cause she's over being a celebrity and is still under signature??? Probably. Is she doing it for press??? Yk what they say all press is good press I guess. Was that bars I just spit??? Absolutely yes. Anyways to my main point ppl are so parasocial sit ur ass down, she never lived ur ass uhhhhhh she's not going insane prolly yall sound like mothers being like what hapoened to my sweet beautiful smiling girl 😭😭 when your daughters turns emo uhm, just like idk stop being cringe its her life you dont know what's best for her lmao you don't even know her.

Anyways... deuces

Also ps (edit)

In the song I literally linked there's a FUCKING LINE IN THE SONG THAT SAYS

Quote-> "fans ain't dumb, but extremists are"

Lol stew on that a little yall then rethink yourself

[montyxtrike]

welcoming myself

alright hello, i kind of wanted somewhere to have an online dairy? if that makes any sense? Just somewhere to express my everyday life and my thoughts. I thought of tumblr bc, well, its a social media and i love social media, but at the same time i know i most likely wont get any views so my diary is still somewhat private, lol.

Anyways, hi, i'm monty. i am seventeen years old and i live in scandinavia. im pretty into neurology and sexology for some reason, i love school, im pretty smart but i act like im quite dumb. i have a really cute dog, some awesome friends, a mid boyfriend and the person i love most in the world is my little brother who is 10 yrs old.

That was just kind of an introduction to me i guess, welcoming myself sort of. anyways now im off to write about my new-found love for russin cs-go vibe music. bye.

[thereisnoblogniche]

more personal diary thoughts on trauma and TLOU

sort of.

I really do have fucking issues. I know this. I'm in therapy. but it's going to take years to start digging through this.

god this is so embarrassing.

it makes me angry to see behind the scenes shit of pedro and bella. not because they aren't hilarious and adorable. but because it reminds me that it's not real. well, that's one of the reasons. I have had to unpack this all morning after seeing cute montages of them together. I'm still figuring it out.

they're obviously not actually related, in the show or in real life. but i feel sad and angry that they're not. they're supposed to be my de facto father/daughter relationship. this is me living vicariously through them and their story. please, why are you being real right now? go back to being joel and ellie. stop laughing together and hugging all normally and naturally, like coworkers who have bonded.

I'm literally about to cry hahaha i'm so fucking stupid. i hate this.

I guess when I said in my other entry that it's bringing up uncomfortable stuff, first of all, it's confusing that I find pedro/joel to be so attractive. because the real crux of this is that I feel abandoned and miss being a little girl and wish I had had a better childhood. I don't want to be attracted to someone who is reminding me of that. i'm not expressing this longing of a father/daughter relationship through dating "daddys" or wanting someone like that romantically. it's just me living vicariously in a fictional world and dreaming of being in that situation, where I am saved and chosen over and over again, and someone is comforting me. and yes, i guess experiencing a sort of dad/daughter journey like joel and ellie.

i mean from a psychology perspective, maybe it makes perfect sense that I want that and feel it's unresolved in my childhood/adolescence. That the ache in my heart when I see those moments on screen is an all-too familiar ache. Not too many fictional moments have caused that. I struggle to think of a single one besides this and it hit the fucking hardest.

I had a similar thing with Tony Stark. Yes, I found him "attractive" but I couldn't think of him sexually. I tried. All I saw him as was a hero to save the world. I wanted him to mentor me. I wanted him to Peter Parker me. I guess I wanted the bond and the relationship there. But it seemed to get confused with romantic/sexual feelings because god forbid a person have intense feelings that aren't either of those things.

i think it's just a way for me to resolve some of my childhood trauma. there's other things i'm not saying because even though i don't intend for anyone to read this, it's online, and there's a chance someone might read it. there's other factors to my history and trauma that might be complicating my feelings and making this harder.

it's all scary and difficult and I hate that a good show with good actors who are just being silly and having fun could turn me into such a self-hating, angry, sad little monster. I just want to be loved. i just want to feel validated. I want that to be me I guess. I get jealous when I see happy families or relationships I wish I had.

I admit I've felt like that seeing some family vlogs/YouTube shorts. I've felt that jealousy toward friends who have stable, loving homes. Who grew up normal and well-adjusted, a concept so foreign I almost got culture shock.

God. I want to be self-compassionate and tell myself it's understandable i'd feel this way. it's understandable that emotions, situations anywhere and everywhere can trigger this feeling of abandonment, of longing, of past pain that hasn't healed. it's not silly.

but my god i can't help but just feel so incredibly silly and dumb. i just want to enjoy this show and simp for pedro like a normal person. instead i have to complicate it with my trauma and make watching BTS content an exercise in self-regulation.

[anystalker707]

Bubblegum Bitch [Electra Heart] (part 2)

Pairing: Pastel! Frank x Punk! Reader [lowkey 'x Gerard' as well] Word count: ~ 5 600 Genre: Enemies to lovers / Fluff / Funny / Song inspired Summary: "Oh, dear diary, I met a boy He made my doll heart light up with joy Oh, dear diary, we fell apart Welcome to the life of Electra Heart I'm Miss Sugar Pink, liquor, liquor lips Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss"

> Part 1

Requested by @angie-migel | @broke-and-overwhelmed | anon | on wattpad

Me: Frank Frnak Fucking Bubblegum Bitch Miss Sugar Pink? 😍🥰😘

Miss Sugar Pink: Hi <3

Me: Where's the book?

I can almost feel my soul leaving my body at the moment the ‘online’ under Frank’s contact name disappears, groaning as I would let my head fall forward on the table if it was otherwise clean and my work didn’t have any chance to be ruined.

Gerard raises an eyebrow from his place next to me and hums, shaking his head. “What’s up, sugar?”

“Frank disappeared with the goddamn book,” I sigh, pocketing my phone, and put my latex glove on again, “and no one else returned theirs yet, so... All I can find are extremely minor extractions from the book around and resumes that say nothing substantial.” The paintbrush dips into the black paint before I bring it closer to paint the details along Mother War’s mask.

“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” Gerard leans over to grab the deep red mix that I was using earlier for the blood drops of his thousandth version of his Demolition Lovers’ drawing.

“Yeah. I need my own perspective of the book for this and I’m already halfway through my essay and all, so... It’d be messy.” I lean over Gerard’s shoulder to take a look at his painting. “You’re so talented it makes me want to give up.”

Gerard snorts a chuckle, rolling his eyes a little. “You’re not bad, dumbass.” He presses a kiss to my cheek and rests his head on my shoulder for a moment. “But why don’t you go after Frank or something? Maybe you can find him during any of the breaks today?” He goes back to adding the spilled blood to his painting, quickly reaching for a lighter tone of red.

“That if I can find him at some point.” I dip the brush in more black paint. Frank wasn’t around yesterday and before yesterday during lunch nor at the library when he usually is, in a way the last time I saw him in person was when I was heading to the dorms and saw him dragging someone around by their hand; either way, he dismissed me quickly. Just like when I text him—well, when he even bothers to answer. “I’ll go find him today.”

Finding Frank turns out to be a harder task than I thought. Normally, it’s easy to find him given how unusual it is to find someone else with a same pastel aesthetic as his, and even the familiar faces that usually are following him around are nowhere to be seen. Okay, that’s maybe unusual; it’s not like I know his habits or something.

Still, what the fuck? Can’t he keep up to his promises or what? Yeah, he’s not dumb or anything, but he’s also not the best person when it comes to commitment and all that stuff. It doesn’t matter how many times I call him right now, I’ll even find his fucking dorm if I need to.

The ringing stops. “Hello, you’ve tried to reach Frank Iero! I can’t answer right now, but if it’s regarding my photography or Pencey Prep, feel free to message me instead! If not, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible!”

No, no, no! Fuck!

“Frank,” I huff after the beeping sound, “you fucking disappeared. Forgot our deal? Call me or else I’ll hunt you down.” The sound of the phone hanging up follows, leaving me in silence with my own anger, which isn’t exactly any better. My fingers itch to toss my phone across the campus—breathe, (y/n), you know that’s not the best option or even a good one at all, it would solve absolutely fucking nothing. Everyone is working on their fucking assignments, hence there isn’t any prevision any other copy of the book will be returned anytime soon, but there I was, thinking Frank Iero, out of all people, would keep up to his promises at least once.

As the anger finally cools down into something else—disappointment, but not sadness; not sadness—, I pull my phone up again, this time opening the browser, searching ‘rent Reductionism in Art and Brain Science’. Maybe it won’t cost me that much or maybe it’ll work using some other people’s resumes as reference with the hope the professor doesn’t count it as plagiarism.

The thoughts honestly stick to my mind during the following lectures, slipping in between the moments of focus just to drown me in the terrible reality again. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? I already knew what making a deal with Frank meant. I know his reputation, I knew this had chances to go wrong, but still. Fuck, why did he have to be like this? Things were going on so well in the beginning. He had to ruin everything.

“You’re a little quiet, sugar.” Gerard scoots a little closer, pulling me to the third option of reality—one that’s not about being stuck in my thoughts or hyper focused on a task. “Is everything alright?”

I pause and swallow before I nod. Why does the situation have such an effect on me? It’s as if something annoying and prickling buzzed under my skin continuously. “I just wanted to finish my assignment in peace. Hand in my assignment and it’d be fine.”

“Is it really about it, though?” He raises an eyebrow, and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

A sigh escapes my lips as I lean into Gerard, pressing a kiss to his cheek because maybe then he’ll avert his attention away from the subject. He smiles a little as he pulls me closer.

Even with Gerard by my side—the way he sometimes takes my hand in his or plays with my fingers a little is simply so lovely—, the lecture continues as torturing as the previous one had been, but with more intervals in which I’m not hyper focused or stuck in my own head. Things at least do feel a little better by the time I’m packing my stuff again. I should have stuck with Gerard for the whole day, but it doesn’t matter now that we are heading to our dorm, with our arms hooked.

“We can watch something tonight, if it helps,” Gerard suggests.

The idea of watching sounds good, like, having my mind off everything else for about two hours. Will I be able to truly focus on the movie, though?

“Can we just cuddle and listen to something?” I sigh softly, already trying to think about a good playlist or at least a few good songs for the occasion. “I think it would help me better.”

A smile tugs on Gerard’s lips as he nods. “Sure, sugar.”

My ringtone brings me back to reality, feeling something digging into my hip at the same time I wonder why it’s so dark until I remember I must’ve fallen asleep while talking nonsense with Gerard while we cuddled, so he’s also responsible for digging his elbow into my hip. The song continues to play in a low but still audible volume until I press down on the green sign—while trying not to get blind by the screen brightness—and press the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I groan. What time is it, even?

“Hi!” Frank? “Just wanted to know I just listened to the voicemail and we can meet up today during our free hours so we can work on the book. Together because I haven’t had time to do it yet and I was thinking we could figure it out! Is that okay for you?”

“Frank, I— What time is it, even?” I groan, rubbing my temple a little.

“It is...” He pauses. “One fifty-three. Anyways, is it fine for you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I breathe, “whatever. Just text me the... the time and shit, we’ll meet up, ‘kay?”

“Lovely! See you in the morning!” Frank makes a kissy sound that’s followed by the sound of a concluded call; I hum. What the fuck? At least there still are a few hours left to sleep.

The next time I wake up, it’s actually to Gerard’s allarm going off, sending both of us groaning and shifting at the same time. I’m staring at nothing when Gerard leaves the bathroom, using every ounce of self control left in my body so I won’t lie back down and continue to sleep through the first lecture.

“Do you want to go have breakfast anywhere?” Gerard sprays some of his cologne on himself and adjusts his clothes before he walks over to his bag.

Breakfast anywhere? The thought of doing anything aside from going to lecture and dying silently while the professor talks in the background seems a little too demanding. “No, thanks, Gee, sorry.” The bed creaks a little as I stand up from it, moving to grab my clothes from the dresser to head to the bathroom.

“It’s okay, just thought it’d distract you a little,” he chuckles a little, and comes closer to give me a kiss on the cheek and hug me tightly until I groan in complaint.

We’re leaving for the first lecture when I check my phone properly, getting rid of the useless notifications and taking a look at the messages—art history group, family group, someone asking for notes, unread message from the last week, Frank... Wait, Frank?

Miss Sugar Pink: 11:45 am lecture, outdoors tables near the Neuroscience building <3

What’s that supposed to mean...? Oh, the call in the middle of the night. Right, at least that’s going to be better than nothing.

Even if the lectures and the time at the library seems to pass just as slowly as yesterday, the new context makes up for it at the same time it—thankfully—gives me a new relieving feeling rather than the uncomfortable one that seemed to crawl under my skin. Still, I wonder if this is really going to work. Does Frank study in silence or does he have some habit that may disturb me? I wish things would just work out smoothly instead.

My stomach churns at seeing the clock saying 11:25 am as my hands sweat stupidly, but I guess I’ll just rent the book online in case something turns out wrong and try to borrow money from someone if things get too bad for me later. It’s not a bad plan, right? I don’t want to hear the answer.

Surprisingly enough, the pastel spot is already seen at the table in the distance when I head towards the place Frank agreed with me. He wears a cute pink shirt today and purple shorts that match his Chuck Taylors and socks, using his delicate jewelry as always, eyes covered by his red frame shades, while he sips on whatever he got in his glitter Starbucks cup. “Hello, hun!” His lips stretch in a grin at the same time he sees me—nice gloss. “How are you?”

“Hello.” I take a seat on the bench across from him with a sigh, letting my bag down beside me. “So, you disappeared.”

“Yeah, sorry! I really didn’t mean to!” He pouts a little and brings the shades up his head, setting the cup aside. Some of his stuff already lies across the table, some of his pretty pens plus the basics, and his sparkly silver pencil case sits next to his pastel green binder. Almost all of his items are covered in stickers, wow. Very... Frank. “‘Bet you didn’t hear about it, but the thing is that I met a boy who makes my doll heart beat up with joy.”

“You writing poems about your lovers now?” I raise an eyebrow, but don’t really let him answer despite his intention to, continuing to talk as I start to get my own things off my bag. “Okay, but who’s the lucky one?”

“You wouldn’t know him.” Frank shrugs a little, swinging his feet a little—an information which I didn’t really need, but am aware of due to how he ends up accidentally kicking me under the table. “But he’s from the cinema people. He’s very pretty, like— Gym rat or something, as he likes to call himself.” His lips stretch in a smile as he pulls the book from inside his bag. “I couldn’t answer you and all because I was spending time with him and things will probably be like this for a while, so I thought it’d be cool to meet up like this.”

Oh, okay. What the fuck am I supposed to say about this? It’s weird to think that Frank has other... ‘friends’. What are we, after all? I don’t think we’re even friends despite all the talks. Not as exciting as I thought it would be.

“You’re dating?” I raise an eyebrow.

Frank’s face turns a deep shade of red at the same time my heart sinks into my stomach and he hums, shrugging. “I guess so?”

“Okay.” I nod as I start to skip through the notes for my assignment until reaching a half empty page. “Congratulations.” Is this what I’m supposed to say? “I’m glad you could find someone.”

“I know, right?” Frank giggles with excitement, making me smile a little, even if it’s not because of anything we’re talking about.

“I hope he treats you like you deserve.” I press my lips together; Frank is in silence whilst observing me for a long moment, interrupted once I reach for the book. All I want is for this to be over so this feeling vanishes—it feels like someone is gripping on my throat and lungs.

“What do you mean?” Frank tilts his head.

“What do I mean what?” I furrow my eyebrows, using my finger to mark the page I stopped at.

“I don’t deserve to be treated in some specific way,” Frank chuckles, shaking his head as he takes hold of a pen, “I’m going to be treated according to what the situation allows.”

“Oh, so you’re going to let your significant other change your phone just because they said they’ll break up with you if you don’t?” I chuckle as I shake my head to myself, but... Frank isn’t laughing, so I stop, eyeing him carefully. “Frank?” He hums, tilting his head a little. “Oh, Frank, that’s not how it works!” I pinch the bridge of my nose. Fuck, I can’t scare him, though. “Look, it doesn’t matter what they want, if it invades your privacy or goes against your will, you’re not obligated to agree with it!”

“But what if they love me a lot?” Frank’s shoulders fall as he sighs, bottom lip sticking out a little. “I don’t want to hurt them!”

...Who is this and what did they do with Frank? Nevermind, (y/n), focus.

“If they truly love you, they will understand.” I exhale softly. “Look, you deserve to still have your privacy, to do whatever you want, to say no and all even if you love them and they love you. It may be weird to hear it from me or something,” I mutter with a shrug—because it does feel weird to tell him this at the same time it’s... concerning, like, how does his mind work?—, “but it’s the truth. Like, something everyone should know, everyone deserves it.” Frank looks at me quietly, and even if his eyebrows are a little low, whatever emotion he holds remains a mystery. “Sorry, I ended up ranting.”

Frank blinks and hums quietly, shaking his head. “Don’t worry.” He pulls a lollipop from inside his pencil case and pops it into his mouth.

A weird silence hovers between us, interrupted by the sound of the wind going through the trees’ leaves with some distant voices, lasting up to when Frank frowns a little and stops writing on his binder to look around.

“Something wrong?” I glance at him, finishing to write a sentence.

“Do you mind some music?” He sticks his lollipop back in his mouth after I shake my head and grabs his phone, tapping on it a few times before the characteristic introduction of Saturday Night starts playing. Fuck, Saturday Night? He goes back to writing, but the pen barely touches the paper when he looks at me again, eyebrows furrowed. “Um, do you—”

“You like Misfits?”

A red tone spreads across Frank’s cheeks as he smiles a little, eyes drifting down for a moment. “...Yeah,” he hums and pauses to get the lollipop in hand, “I really like them. Why?”

“I was expecting something like Kyary Pamyu Pamyu to start playing. I mean, no problems if you do like her, but...” I shrug a little, looking at his phone for a moment. Does he like any other rock band or is he just a Misfits fan? To be honest, knowing the kind of artists Frank likes is difficult in general since he doesn’t wear merch very often, so maybe he just listens to music casually and doesn’t need it as bad as oxygen like I do.

Frank chuckles. “Yeah, I can imagine the shock. Like, the visuals—” He motions to himself. “They don’t match, but I do like them. Like, not only them, also Metallica, Megadeth, Slipknot and all that stuff in general.”

Fucking awesome. As thrilled as it gets me, I refrain myself from doing anything rather than nod. “Ever been to a concert?”

“Not really.” Frank shakes his head and licks his lollipop, twirling his pen between the fingers of his free hand. “Never got anyone to go with me. And you?”

“Same,” I hum. We look at each other for a moment, in which I cogitate to tell him I’ll keep it in mind for the next time any of these bands decide to have a concert anywhere near us, but maybe it wouldn’t work, we aren’t even that close or anything. Frank might not like my company like this—or like my company at all. “Maybe your new partner might go with you?”

Frank snorts, rolling his eyes, and goes back to scribbling down. “It’s easier for me to give you the book instead.” Okay, then; I chuckle a little with the lack of better response, taking the book instead, skipping through the pages to one I want. “But he does take me to a few parties, y’know? I confess it’s not exactly my thing, but I will get used to it.”

“You’re not a party person?” I raise an eyebrow, glancing up to see him shaking his head. “I could swear you were.”

“No, no, I’m more of a stay at home and study person...” Frank mumbles, adjusting the binder as he starts writing on another line. “But it’s cute how he always has an arm around me, he is protective and all. I even got a ring.” He puts the lollipop in his mouth to hold up his left hand and show off the delicate golden ring around it.

“Yeah?” I raise an eyebrow, taking his hand in mine to adjust it a little; the ring is adorned by three pink stones, perfectly matching him. His fingertips are rough. “Do you play any instrument?”

Frank’s cheeks heat up and he hums quietly. “Yeah, I play the guitar.”

“True?” I grin, tracing his fingertips a little. “That’s awesome.”

His lips curl up into a shy smile as he looks down then at me again, nodding a little. “I can play something for you at some point.”

“That would be nice,” I say softly and gently let go of his hand. Despite how picturing Frank playing a guitar and something like Dig Up Her Bones is hard, it only makes me more curious about it. I hope he plays for me soon.

“—and, like, I have the whole collection, all the books,” Frank says, pausing to flip to the next page of his binder, “but I didn’t have time to read them yet and stuff.” He shrugs a little, sighing. “My books are really precious to me, y’know,” he chuckles, “I want to have my own library at some point.”

“Oh, really?” I grin wide—the idea of having your own personal library is just fantastic—and Frank nods frantically, smile widening. “I—”

“Wow, plain lunch and you two are here?” Gerard suddenly sits down next to me, raising an eyebrow as he looks down at all the materials scattered across the table.

“Lunch?” I raise an eyebrow and exhale softly once I take a look at my phone. It’s 01:34 pm already. “Wow,” I exhale, leaning back a little. My notes aren’t worth almost two hours of studying—maybe because these hours weren’t used for studying, right? There are enough notes, thankfully.

“Oh, fuck,” Frank gasps, widening his eyes as he immediately stands up, frantically tapping on his phone’s screen before starting to throw his things back inside his bag. “I’m sorry, guys, I gotta go!” He messily zips it up without even putting everything into place properly—quite weird coming from him—, and shows up between Gerard and I, pressing kisses to our cheeks and mumbling rushed farewells. My cheek ends up smeared with gloss, but... Fuck, Frank’s gloss. I must smile stupidly given Gerard’s look, but he isn’t much different from me given how red his cheeks are.

“Where do you think he’s gotta go?” Gerard raises an eyebrow, glancing back at the way Frank went.

“Maybe see his boyfriend?” I shrug. I should gather my things as well.

Gerard chuckles, but goes silent for a moment. “Wait, you’re joking, right?” He looks at me from under his lashes and widens his eyes once I shake my head in response. “Wow. Frank. Dating. Who’s the lucky one?”

“Some guy from the cinema major.” I put my notebook aside first, then start grabbing my pens... I don’t remember having a pink pen like this, a glitter gel one and strawberry scented. Hopefully returning it is enough of an excuse for him not to keep the book away from me for so long this time.

“Damn.” Gerard looks at the nothing for a moment and sighs, shrugging a little. “Anyways, let’s go get you lunch, shall we?”

Even if we don’t talk with Frank a lot, seeing him less and less often is quite unusual and missing his presence is quite uncommon, but... Well, it’s all because of the book, right? I needed the book and nothing else. We had started to text each other more often a little after we sat together to study, but he disappeared again sometime ago. Some things are just not supposed to be. Frank simply isn’t the kind of person to make friendships like this and it is okay. I should stop forgetting this whole thing is due to the book and, to be honest, he returned the book the day after we studied together, so we have no reason to talk anymore. This whole thing was due to the book. The book had a note inside when he left it outside my door after a brief knock, a folded paper between the cover and the first page. Thank you for sharing and helping, xoxoMissSugarPink—it said with a kiss mark near the signature.

At least my assignment was turned in in time and it was pretty complete, in my opinion. As far as I know, Frank’s as well.

“I don’t like it when you’re quiet like this.” Gerard sighs, rolling his shoulders back a little. He leans in closer to the mirror as he smudges the red makeup around his eye, maybe uselessly trying to make it symmetrical to his other eye. “I mean, I don’t mind it when you’re quiet, but this is another type of quiet.”

Yeah, of course Gerard would notice it. “Burned out, it’s all.” It feels like a lie, weirdly enough.

“Sorry about it, sugar. I wish you could come with me and I also wish I could stay here to take care of you.” Gerard pulls his hair back with a sigh and steps closer to take a seat on the edge of the bed, shifting a little before he cups my face with both of his hands. They’re warm. Nice. “I have my phone with me, though, so don’t be afraid to call or anything, okay? Take care of yourself, drink water, you can grab the snacks from my bedside table if you want, I love you.” A smile tugs on his lips and he presses a kiss to my cheek. “In case I don’t answer, you have Bert, Jeph and Ray’s phone numbers, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, but don’t worry a lot.” I lean into his hand a little and pull Gerard for a hug. “Go have fun, you loser.”

Gerard chuckles a little, squeezing me, then finally gets up, still pacing around the room a little until he has all of his things with him and leaves for once after another rant about how I need to take care of myself.

The silence and being alone is comforting. Of course I love Gerard’s presence, but I still appreciate being alone, spread out across the bed, on my fluffy covers... There’s a knock on the door. Gerard again? Well, he does have the keys. A sigh escapes my nose as I push myself up and move to answer the door.

“Hi—” I interrupt myself with the pastel blur that squeezes between me and the doorway to get in the room, taking his shoes off on the way to my bed, where he sits down, practically throwing himself on it. “Frank...?” I raise an eyebrow, taking a look at the empty halls before I close the door again and lock it. “Uh, hi?”

“You won’t believe it,” Frank says, sounding a little breathless, and only now I notice it might be the first time I see him without any makeup, not even having eyeliner adorning his eyes. Not to mention his eyes are kinda red. “Like— That dumbass—” Frank grabs the closest pillow and screams into it. Okay, that’s not how I planned to spend my night, but what’s fucking happening to him? He’s even in his pajamas already.

“Frank...” I take a seat next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder, compelling him to immediately lean against me. “Hey, what happened, do you want to talk about it?”

“That stupid, idiot, motherfucker—” Frank interrupts himself with a soft sound—a sob?—and wraps his arms tightly around me, arms still tight around my torso. “H-He just wanted to use me or something, I don’t know, I just—” He sighs shakily and relaxes against me. “Fuck, it’s just— W-We fell apart.”

“I’m sorry about it,” I sigh softly, rubbing Frank’s back. He squeezes his way out of my grip and lies down on my bed, facing the wall as he hugs the pillow he grabbed earlier close to his chest. “Do you—”

“I don’t want to talk about it, don’t talk to me, let’s just stay in silence,” he says in a single breath. “Don’t talk. Hug me.”

It’s unclear whether sleep is clouding my mind or not, but I turn off the lights and join him. Frank feels so delicate and warm, his sweet smell filling my lungs as my nose buries into the back of his neck.

Unlike Gerard, Frank tosses around the bed a lot during his sleep between intervals of clinging to me and being as far as possible, which has me waking up in the middle of the night with a sharp inhale, staring at the darkness as Frank shifts around until resting his head on my chest.

“(Y/n), are you awake?” His whisper cuts through the thick silence of the room.

“Yes, Miss Sugar Pink.” I smile a little.

“It’s Electra Heart now.” He shifts a little, resting his hand over my chest.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Frank hums. His fingers trace soft patterns on my chest, bringing me a weirdly soothing feeling. “Y’know, I really like to make the people who I like happy,” he mumbles, words running one into the other with sleepiness, “I like to do whatever they want because... because they just, like, deserve it and stuff. I thought he knew that. I never take people to my dorm and I took him. I never— I even went to parties with him, these stupid parties that stink of stupid beer and stupid cigs...” He sniffles a little at the same time I feel something warm through the fabric of my shirt, so I bring a hand to play with his hair; he melts a little more into me.

“I’m so sorry, Frankie, you deserve a lot better,” I whisper. Fuck, why do my eyelids feel so heavy now? I want to keep talking. “A lot more. But you know you don’t need to sacrifice yourself to make people happy, right?”

“I’m working on it,” Frank says, small and quietly.

“Why did you come to me, Frank?” I dip my fingers into the strands on the back of his neck, caressing and massaging the skin there softly, in a way he hums in response, sighing.

“Dunno, you’re all that I have.” Frank shifts a little, almost shrugging. “We never... talked a lot, but you don’t, y’know, try to kiss or touch me or compliment me the whole time...” He pauses, only the sound of his deep and slow breaths filling the room. “I can talk with you about simple things and it feels like you know me or you care, I don’t know. No one wants to hear me talk about my books, only about my panties.” He exhales sharply through his nose, humorously. “Not you, though, not you...” He says almost in a singing tone, tracing patterns on my chest, soon pausing as he presses a kiss to it through the fabric. “Not you.”

Nothing in especial brings me back to reality—not Gerard walking in, not the sunlight or the alarm clock—, I just open my eyes and stare at the ceiling for a long moment as I think about what happened last night and allow myself to enjoy the warmth pressed to my side and the weight on my chest. He didn’t move away. On his bed, there’s Gerard, tangled in the blankets. Almost a normal Saturday. Better than one.

A sharp sigh comes from Frank as he whines something in his sleep, but tugs on my shirt to bring himself closer to me then relaxes again with a soft exhale. How is he so precious and pretty? My heart flutters a little and, fuck, fuck it if this isn’t good.

As much as cuddling is nice, I can soon feel my bladder complaining, in a way I manage to get Frank to turn around and cling to a pillow while still asleep before I rush to the bathroom as quietly as possible, already starting to get myself ready for the day. Gerard stands shirtless in the room when I’m back, potentially looking for another shirt among the mess under his bed as he pushes the articles of clothing around with his feet, being watched by Frank, who sits on the bed with crossed legs.

“Good morning,” I breathe, closing the door behind me.

“Mornin’!” Frank makes grabby hands towards me; I need to pause for a moment then step close to hug him, letting him cling to me for as long as he wants—which is until Gerard threatens to go to the bathroom, so Frank immediately rushes in ahead of him.

“What’s he doing here?” Gerard asks as soon as he hears the lock turning.

I observe the bathroom’s door for a moment and shrug lightly. “He fell apart with his ex-boyfriend or something, then he came here. I guess I could befriend him for real.”

Gerard raises his eyebrows and nods a little. He blinks slowly, nodding to himself. “Yeah, right. Remind me to update you later about the gig then you update me about the whole stuff, alright?”

“Alright,” I chuckle, moving to grab a new change of clothes.

I make my bed and I’m sitting on it again when Frank leaves the bathroom, giving place for Gerard to finally get in, and immediately comes to straddle my lap. Sweet. I’m about to hug him back when he threatens to leave my lap, so I hug him, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly until he giggles and settles down to wrapping his arms around my neck with a sigh.

“Do you like it?” Frank nuzzles the side of my face a little. “Are you okay if I’m too clingy and stuff?”

“You’re not too clingy.” I press a kiss to his cheek, internally melting at how he holds onto me. He still smells like cotton candy.

“You’re just saying things,” he sighs.

“I wouldn’t hug you back if I minded.” I hug him tightly again, which makes him squeal. “I wouldn’t have held you during the night or anything.”

He hums, giving himself a moment. “Right.”

Frank pulls back enough to face me, furrowing his eyebrows, but quickly presses his forehead to mine, then brushes our noses together a little and... he presses his lips to mine softly, and holy fuck. It’s just... the best thing ever. His lips are soft as they slide against mine just perfectly, compelling me to be careful almost as if Frank were made out of glass or something even more fragile. He hums softly, almost a soft whine, and threatens to pull away, but I deepen the kiss, leaning in more instead because... Fuck, will I ever get enough of it? What does he have? Liquor lips?

A deep red tone spreads across Frank as he pulls back, his eyes focused on my lips—I presume—not on mine. “I think I like you.”

_____________________

tagging list: @lubbockshusband | @trans-ylvania

[ja-khajay]

Stuff I read (and liked) this year

As promised, here’s a list of the novels, comics, manga, etc... I read this year, focusing on the ones I enjoyed and would recommend to people. Under a cut, this is going to be a little long.

-------- Books --------

Favorite book of the year: Stranger in the Woods, by Michael Finkel

Non-fiction. Based on the interviews of the man himself by the author, it is about a man who felt so unfit for society he decided one day to leave it, and spent the next 28 years as a hidden hermit in forest in Maine. The book details how he survived there, how he was eventually found, and some of his reasons for doing so. It’s a great reflection on the nature of loneliness.

Indian creek, by Pete Fromm

...Yet another detailed tale of living alone in the woods. This time, the diary of a student who spent a winter in the mountains to help tend for salmon hatchlings, and how he spent the rest of his days hiking, hunting, meeting the locals. It’s a fun little book who, being set almost the whole world away from where I live, was a nice way to travel.

Howl’s Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones

I don’t feel the need to explain this one since everyone and their mom has seen the movie adapted from it. The book, that I first read a decade ago before I actually watched the film, is a less romantized, more spirited telling of the same story. The writing is absolutely delightful and so is the world it paints, and it’s the first time in ages a book had me laughing out loud during my entire read.

-------- Comics (BD) --------

Favorite comic of the year: Monsieur Désire?, by Hubert and Virginie Augustin

A discreet young woman becomes a maid for a decadent, unbearable, byronesque young lord. Caked in the rigid and oppressive social hierarchy of the victorian era, you follow a mental and verbal joust between the two, as the lord tries his best to offend and corrupt his new unrelenting servant, to little success. The writing and especially the dialogues were stellar, drawing me into the tense atmosphere, watching this trainwreck of a character flamboyantly destroy himself. While there’s no precise content warnings that I can give, this is a mature and heavy story.

World of Edena, by Moebius

Anyone who’s followed this blog for over a month knows how much of a Moebius fan I am. Edena combines the vague, dreamlike, wordless storytelling from stuff like Arzach or The cat’s eyes with an actual plot. While I haven’t completly finished the story, the evolution of the main characters and how the story is told have been great to read through, and as always the art is beyond gorgeous. Unfortunately suffers from some good old sexism in the writing that even if minimal, tasted sour

Le roman de Renart, by Joan Sfar (book 1)

Sfar’s work always has a signature vibe of being dreamy and light without being light hearted, of being down to earth but drifting in the fantastical, and this one is no exception. It’s an adaption of a series of medieval folk tales I grew up with, who uses the same characters to tell an original story. If you’re familiar with icons like Renart as well as other mythological big boys like Merlin you’ll fit right in. There is something special in how the dialogues are written, who feel natural in a way that you’d overhear in a street corner and is very special to me.

The mercenary, by VIncente Segrelles

Another one I post about a lot on this blog. The mercenary is a king on the throne of fantasy cheese. The worldbuilding is interesting at times but the writing is a pretty pathetic display of glorious old time sword and sorcery sci-fantasy 10 years too late for it’s prime (warning for ye old sexism and orientalism that plagues the genre, cranked very high...) but you come and stay for the art. The entire thing is drawn in a series of hyper detailed oil paintings with an insane eye for technical detail, from the engineering of the weaponry, to the architecture and weather, to the anatomy of the fantasy creatures... Each panel stands out as it’s own painting which makes even flipping through it without reading the scenario a treat. Click here to see more of the art, in my Segrelles tag.

The ice maurauder, by Jacques Tardi

A short story about mad scientists entirely drawn like a 19th century engraving. In great Tardi tradition everyone is ugly and mean, it ends terribly, it’s both a hommage to the genre of late 19th cent. to early 1900s dramatic adventure novels and a critical eye on it, and it’s morbidly funny. Most people I saw online hated the way this was written but I’m not them and I really recommend this book. Die mad

-------- Manga --------

Favorite manga of the year: it’s a tie between the following two.

Cats of the Louvre, by Taiyo Matsumoto

Most wonderful comic I have read in ages. The story follows a bunch of semi-feral cats secretly living in the Louvre museum’s attic, and the small group of humans who share their life, walking through the museum as the night watch. When the cats are together, they are represented in a humanoid way, but still act like animals, and “become” cats again when a human is nearby. The plot is a sort of supernatural mystery centered around a kitten who walks around paintings. It’s a love letter to art, sincere and beautiful, with a unique art style and great characters.

Memoirs of amorous Gentlemen, by Moyoco Anno

A sex worker in early 20th century paris starts writing down a diary of the clients she meets, in a quest to cope with the troubles of her life. You follow her, her colleagues, and her bittersweet relationship with an abusive lover. I don’t have much words about this comic, but the art and writing both are amazing, it’s the perfect length and drew me in like little series had before. Obvious content warnings as this is an adult story that talks about sexuality, but also depicts both mental and physical abuse.

Hana, also by Taiyo Matsumoto 

A very short story, this was not made to be read as a comic originally, but served as storyboarding and visual development for a play, and the way it is written follows that. Hana is a slice of life story set in a fantasy world, of a young boy, his family, his village. Despite the setting being an original one, the character interactions are refreshingly... normal, and there is no huge plot to speak of, just a bit of the life of these characters. The art is beautiful, entirely black and white, with a scratchy style and an emphasis on contrast. Matsumoto is on a speedy road to becoming my favorite manga artist haha

Delicious in Dungeon, by Ryoko Kui

While not marked as my year’s favorite, I still consider this series among my favorite manga ever. The art and writing are amazing, and it’s both heartfelt, well concieved and plain hilarious. The story follows several parties of dungeon diving adventurers each on their little quests with a premise of our protagonists, on a panic rescue mission, surviving in the dungeon by cooking and eating the monsters they come across. From a DnD party turned cooking manual dinner of the week beginning, the plot creeps up on you and slowly thickens. I don’t want to spoil anything about the overarching story of this because it was a delight to discover for myself. While everything about DinD rules, I am especially fond of the design philosophy of the author, who puts great detail in the practicality and biology of what she draws, as well as the character writing. Everyone even side characters has so much charm and depth to them, the cast is so diverse and entertaining...! Each character is just a bit lame enough but endearing, and has their own little backstory that shows in the way they exist. It’s a delight

Chainsaw man, by Tatsuki Fujimoto

I went into CSM expecting a borderline campy hyperviolent dumb fun thing to read and was very surprised to find an uncomfortably well written story about a teenager being groomed. The hyperviolent dumb fun fights are here nonetheless and the series still qualifies as shonen for some reason, but the more mature character writing as well as some truly outlandish visuals make it something very special. If you can’t stand shonen, not sure you will like it, but if you don’t mind it, worth trying.

Witch hat atelier, by Kamome Shirahama

The oh so elegant fantasy seinen every cool kid started posting about this year, who I also succumbed to and fast. Witch hat is hard to explain, as most of it’s plot revolves around the rules of the world it’s set in, specifically the regulations around it’s magic and the social and historical reasons for them. It’s about growing up, learning, disability, making art. You follow a little girl taken in by a witch as an apprentice, her magical education, and learn little by little why her lovely teacher is so willing to break a lot of rules... While a bit too gentle and pretty for my taste at times, Witch hat has great worldbuilding and explores sensitive themes I rarely see in manga, much less in fantasy. And Berserk wishes it had art this good

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Lost In Language”

Lost in language and I don't know much. Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch? But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted.

Seriously? Nothing? You guys have never heard Air Supply? I mean, they’re old AF but still. It’s a funny pun. Whatever.

Back in the day (like it was so long ago) I didn’t know what to expect from this episode. The only thing I caught from the description was library, but hoo boy, we got so much more!

I love the cold opens to this show. It always reminds me that Luz is a silly ass hyper fangirl who still wants life to play out like it does on TV. 

“Learning about love and life through the eyes of a child.”

Spoken like a true person who have never done any actual babysitting. The Bat Queen gets her own soft intro for another episode, which I’m noticing more and more re-watching this show. She pays Eda to watch her baby in exchange for a butt-ton of money. Eda, in classic Eda fashion, would rather not split the cash with Luz and gives her an errand to run so she doesn’t have to do it. 

I don’t know about you guys, but liked going to the library when I was a kid. It was the only way I could play computer games or go on the internet. Getting online is the easiest thing in the world today, but when I was a kid, it was a luxury my parents couldn’t afford. And dumb-dumb kid me didn’t know that you can borrow movies and comic for free at the library too. That’s how I saw Jaws for the first time.

The library at The Boiling Isles is almost exactly what I expected. Kinda like the Hogwarts library, but with a lot more teeth and eyes everywhere. Luz has a bunch of fun just messing around, until she stumbles upon the cutest goddamn thing ever!

Amity reading to kids at the public library in her free time. My god.

I’m with Luz here. Holy hell, I did not see that coming. I thought Amity was the rival character, the Draco Malfoy of the show, the reluctant ally, the jerk with the heart of gold DEEP in there somewhere. Instead she’s at the Kid’s Corner reading her favorite childhood classic to toddlers. I didn’t know there were angels in the demon realm.

Stop. Stop! You’re already cute.

Seriously this moment made me go “aw” and laugh at the same time. It was weird. Also how does this library have a manga section? Do they import these books from JAPAN in the HUMAN REALM? Is there a publishing company that acts as the middleman? Or are these just the books that the trash slugs ended up barfing on the beach somewhere? I’m thinking too hard about a throwaway joke in the background. Big brain hurt.

AND back to reality...

Luz tries to extend the hand of friendship to Amity and Amity rejects it. I have...thoughts.

First, they this up with another parallel to Azura in the beginning of the episode. I get it. It’s a theme that they are doing, but I would have rather have Luz try to befriend Amity because she wants to, not because Azura did it. It’s not the only reason she does it, but it does kinda bug me a bit. It kinda goes back to Luz wanting life to play out like a story. 

Also, a part of me thinks that this is something Amity likes to do alone. Her way of getting away from everyone else and just do something that she enjoys and makes her feel good. We have no proof that it gives her extra credit, so she could just use that as a way to save face. She seemed so happy to do it too. 

Finally, you know what this else this reminds me of? The Karate Kid and Cobra Kai. There’s a popular fan theory that has been around since the eighties that if you look at The Karate Kid from the rival’s perspective, the protagonist is the bully. I’m more than sure that’s what going on here. From Amity’s perspective, Luz just gets her into trouble. We’ll get more into that later.

Luz walks off dejected and we get the second big surprise to punch me in the face.

Holy hell, why the fuck are you two so goddamn fucking pretty? I mean, holy shit, look at these two. My god. And ERICA LINDBECK as Emira? Jesus Christ, I’m going to be feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling in places I can’t say!

Joking aside, we get one of our first full introductions that didn’t come with a soft intro from a previous episode. Enter Emira and Emira, Amity’s older siblings who in true sibling fashion like to give Amity a hard time.  

“Hey, mittens!”

This seems normal at first. Siblings always rib each other. No big deal.

Amity storms off. The twins introduce themselves proper to Luz (and the audience) and they mess around for a bit. 

In fact, they have so much fun messing around with Luz that they decide to invite her back afterhours to check out The Wailing Star. Luz thinks that this is a great way to get on Amity’s good side by befriending her siblings. Why she would think this I have no idea.

Meanwhile the B-plot continues its adventures in babysitting. I don’t like using the word filler (so I won’t) but this B-plot is really just for two things: setting up Escape of the Palisman and jokes. It does both. No harm, no foul.

Also the twins said for Luz to meet back at midnight and Luz was at The Owl House for like a hot second. There’s like a huge gap of time there. What did she do until midnight? Whatever. If it was important it would have been animated.

Also also, I love all of Luz’s little saying in this episode. She does it a lot but they cranked it up in this episode. Featuring great hits like:

“This sour lemon drop has a hidden sweet center.”

and

“I thought we were as cool as cucumbers but we’re as sour as pickles.”

and my favorite

“Call me a library book because they were checking me out.”

I hope they keep doing that.

Back at the literal Wailing Star (I laughed so hard), The twins and Luz discover that The Wailing Star brings the content of the books to life. Does that work for all books in The Boiling Isles or just the library? Enough. No more big brain. The three proceed to...mess around some more.

The twins discover offscreen (Really? Really.) that if you edit the contents of the book, you change what comes to life. Then the twins reveal their true objectives. Apparently, Amity has been tattling on the twins whenever they cut class or do whatever it is that they want. They’ve decided to look for her secret little hideaway (that they somehow know is in the library), find her diary and post all the pages all over school to teach her a lesson. 

Um, fucking no.

And here we enter the true lesson of this episode and probably the reason why Hecate is draw with two faces. People being more than just what they appear to be at face value. 

Amity appears to be the bully character of the show, and while she did bully Willow, Luz and King, there’s more to her than that. Amity is lonely. As a fellow person who grew up lonely, trust me. I can tell from a mile away. She puts pressure on herself to be the best at whatever she’s doing and to be the best. She hates that she follows the rules but people like her siblings seem to get rewarded for breaking the rules and doing whatever they want free of consequence. She sees the double standard that they live by and it angers her. But at the same time, everyone seems to give the twins a free pass so she can’t do anything about it. 

Even worse, there’s no one for her to confide in. It wouldn’t make it better but it would make it easier for her to just vent and get the bullshit out of her brain. She doesn’t like her friends and the one friend she did like...that’s for another episode. Hence, the diary. Amity is a big ball of frustration and loneliness. I know because I grew up in a very similar way.

When you’re forced to keep your anger inside you, you lash out at any little thing that bothers you just to ease your frustrations. It doesn’t make it okay but it’s the only way to cope sometimes just to get by.

The twins on the other hand seem like everything you’d want in a friend. They’re fun; they like you; they’re attractive; they’re attentive. But in reality, they live in a world where they believe consequences and accountability don’t apply to them. And they’ll do anything to keep it that way. Even humiliate their sister.

Luz seems like a happy-go-lucky, friends to all things kinda person, but she can also be innocently insensitive. She just does things hoping they turn out the way they would for Azura without considering how the people around her would feel about it.

It doesn’t make any of these characters two-faced. We just are different things to different people.

Amity discovers what’s going down and Luz (being the empathic person that she is) decide to try to go talk to her. 

Then I’m reminded that this is a horror-comedy.

My god, you’re ugly.

One climax later (don’t laugh), and Luz and Amity try to make amends with each other. They both have to think about how they’ve been treating the other, earning the title of bully or not. They’re not friends yet but this is...better.

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it.

Damn, The Owl House is one a roll. That’s what? Three 5 scored episodes already? Hot damn. This episode was fun but it really hit hard with the character work on Amity. She quickly became one of the most interesting characters and a fan favorite. And the third act provided a good amount of horror to call this a horror comedy. The B-plot is fine but probably one of the weakest only saved by several funny jokes. This is one of those episodes I kept coming back to and a favorite to watch.

Could you two please not? I’m gonna get in trouble.

[astralglam]

💭

DEAR DIARY -- WEDNESDAY

Today was awful. I went to the supermarket to buy some pre-cut fruit (I’m still not allowed to touch knives -- not after what I almost did to Priscilla’s cat) and I yanked on the door but it wouldn’t open. I thought the store wasn’t open, so I told the person behind me, they’re closed, don’t go in, but turns out, you’re just supposed to push the door, not pull on it. You couldn’t possibly know how this feels. I want to die. I should never go in public again. I don’t want anyone to see me for the next hundred years.

Because I couldn’t possibly stay there and suffer the shame of everyone knowing how stupid and dumb I am, I brought the big box of strawberries to the University to wait for Priscilla to get out of class, and while I was there, I met some guy named -- actually, I don’t know. He told me, but I wasn’t listening. But we had a nice conversation about vegetables and mushrooms and eating stuff. There was something about him ... like, how nice he was, and how much he was friendly and thoughtful but also seemed kind of angry? He reminded me kind of -- um, nevermind. But he mentioned he was interested in space. I’m thinking -- maybe I should get more strawberries, and go sit in the same spot ... !! And maybe I’ll see him again !!

DEAR DIARY -- FRIDAY

He wasn’t there. Found a bug on the floor, though. 

DEAR DIARY -- I DON’T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS

I wish I got his name !! And I wish I had my cellphone, and I could’ve taken a picture of that bug ... he’s on my mind a lot, cuz Sid and Priscilla are real nice and everything, but they’re always making fun of me. You look dumb, stop writing in your diary, you can’t slam the fridge door past two AM. I wish I had someone to spend time with who didn’t tell me I’m -- weird. And not the nice kind of weird, like a cute girl with green hair, the bad kind of weird, where people stare at you and cross the street to avoid you because you upset them. Like I’m some annoying pest and being around me is a chore. No one ever listens to me. Not here or Atomina. And the whole reason I came all the way here was because I just wanted things to go a little better for me ... but he listened to me, even if it was just for a little, and even if we didn’t talk about anything important...

He mentioned something ... pot cast. Pat cast. Pod cost. I’ll ask about it later. 

ENTRY #15 --

1. I told Sid about finding the Pot Cast and he asked why and I told him why and he asked for details and I had to get my diary -- sorry, this is a journal -- out to remember the details. Sid says it’s too girly to say “dear diary” and I should say “captain’s log” or just number the pages by date. I don’t want to be girly ... Priscilla is already a girl, we can’t have two girls in a friend group. It seems excessive.

2. But that wasn’t important. I found the pot cast, its called the Zenith Span!!!! It’s actually just a voice recording he puts online of him talking to himself and people who yell at him. It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. Imagine being so outspoken, you just give your opinion on things, unwarranted...? That you just say whatever you mean, with all your whole huge heart, because you love things so much, or you hate them even more...? I fell asleep listening to them, but I woke up because in one of the pot casts it sounded like he was fighting someone and they were screaming about whether or not we needed another sequel for that giant monster crime fighting detective movie franchise. Oh!!!! And, you know, because he had a whole web-thing set up for it, so now I know his name: it’s Clerk!

ENTRY #16 --

I misheard. It’s Clark. Sorry.

ENTRY #17 --

I played Angry Birds so hard today I threw up. I think, actually, I threw up because I didn’t eat for twelve hours (because of the Angry Birds) and then I drank a glass of ice water, but that wasn’t the good thing about today -- I saw Clark again!!!! We went on a walk, we talked about things, he -- turns into -- soup -- but he’s ok!!!!! Its a very long story and my hand is tired and I don’t want to write it all out. I’ll draw a picture so I can remember it later. I looked kind of like this:

ENTRY #18 --

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Clark. He’s so funny -- like, he makes me laugh, and he’s fun, which is every applicable use of the word funny I can think of. When I get things wrong, he doesn’t make fun of me or call me dumb, usually he just tells me very plainly. And he’s kind of weird, too -- but the good kind of weird, the green-hair-girl kind of weird, because I’d never cross the street if I saw Clark coming down the sidewalk. I’d go up to him and ask if he wants to spend time together. I still listen to his pot cost -- I always want to keep up to date on the newest stuff he’s talking about, even if I don’t really know...whathe’s talking about. I still hope I see him out and about. Usually when I talk to people, I’m kind of just waiting for them to stop talking so it’s my turn to talk, but with Clark, he could talk about anything for as long as he wanted, and I’d be glad to listen. I don’t really know why ... I mean, admittedly, I don’t care about anything he likes. I don’t care about movies and I think science is boring. But if he likes it, then I guess I like it, too. 

ENTRY #19 --

We went to the pet store to get food for Priscilla’s cat and I saw the worst thing ever. One of those tiny dogs in the glass cages tore another tiny dog in half like a green onion pancake. Except -- it wasn’t green onions that came out -- it was a lot redder -- it looked like canned peaches ... it’s too terrible to describe. I want to pretend today didn’t happen.

ENTRY #20 --

TODAY IT WAS LIKE [ the rest of the page is filled with incomprehensible scribbles and hearts drawn in dollar store highlighter. ]

ENTRY #21 --

Yesterday I was too tired after everything so I tried to write but I think I fell asleep writing the entry because I just woke up on the floor with my face in the book. But I think I’m okay now. Nooooo I’m not OKAAAAAY I’m MORE THAN OKAAAAAAAAAAY

It was a routine day: petstore, the tiny dogs in the little glass cages, Clark helped me liberate them. He took me in his CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??????????????????? And I was already so excited to be in the car and I couldn’t believe we were still spending time and he did all that stuff for me and I went crazy and I didn’t even realize it!! I asked if he wanted to spend just a little more time together -- I mean, I only see him, like, once a month, and it’s always on accident. I don’t even use this book to write about much else other than the times I see Clark. And he didn’t just say yes -- he took me to a MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a good movie!!! Actually, I don’t remember the movie, I was too excited that I was -- I was -- I can’t even write it down. I was on a D A T E with C L A R K and we were watching -- something about a teenager who can turn into a satellite -- I don’t know. It was a bad movie, actually, but he’ll never know I said that, and I’ll watch a thousand million quadrillion bad movies as long as I can watch them with Clark. 

He’s like those weird spikey plants that are hard to hold but you can’t help but to think they’re wonderful, and you wanna keep them around forever. I knew he was kind of ... blunt. Maybe tactless. But I really liked that about him. I really wish I could just fess up and tell him The Big Secret. I sometimes think that maybe he already knows. He loves space, it’s not like he’s stupid, he watches all those dumb “alien invader” movies that Earth is so obsessed with, why wouldn’t he have a feeling that maybe I’m not exactly who I say I am? 

I asked Priscilla and Sid and they said that 1. Clark isn’t special and I’m just a loser who found another loser like me 2. it’s a bad idea because he’ll either think I’m a crazy person telling lies or if he believes me he’ll tell someone else and they’ll tell other people and then it won’t be a secret. And that’s always the bad outcome. It’s a secret for a reason ... I know it’s for the best. Still. I’m so glad I know him. I feel a lot less lonely and a lot less bad weird, maybe more just normal weird. I hope we spend more time together. Maybe he’ll let me pick some new clothes for him ... ! I wanna write a song -- I just have to find words that rhyme with Clark. Bark ... stark? Shark!!!!!!!