#i love finding a new brush to use every like 3 months cuz i got bored of the old one

[vampyriix]

this is how the warden fight went trust me guys

[idy-ll-ique]

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂😂 I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[prinxlyart]

Could I ask for some more of the wonderful fluff that is Wilumity domestic headcannons? Or, possibly if you have any, some Camileda headcannons?

*GASPS*

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS

Willumity:

Willow is the early-riser. She’s developed a habit of waking up early to check on her plants and do her workouts. Luz and Amity have no idea how she does this every single day (they often complain because she’s also a huge source of warmth and how dare she leave their little warmth cocoon).

Amity has Routines™️ that cannot be disrupted or she will freak out. It’s an autism thing for sure, but it’s also something Luz gets. Because Willow gets up so early they tend to have their own little morning routine together; stay in bed and cuddle for maybe another half hour or so (depending on how early Willow wakes up), then they get up and do their bathroom routines. I think.....Luz is the type to do night time showers due to having such short hair, so Amity showers while Luz brushes her teeth and washes her face. Luz is usually dressed by the time Amity gets out of the shower and she gives her a quick kiss on the cheek to let her know she’s headed to the kitchen to get coffee/breakfast started. There have been a couple times Luz has forgotten to give her her after-shower kiss and Amity was so thrown off that by the time she made it out to the kitchen, her eyes were red from crying because A) Did Luz not love her anymore??????????? (incorrect, but their routine had been broken) and B) Trying to continue with your routine with a step actively missing is hell and she’s been upset ever since. Luz has usually just been too tired to remember and will immediately cover Amity in kisses to make up for it (after they go through whatever process they need to to help Amity calm down). Amity hates that she gets so upset over something so small, but Luz reassures her that her routines are important to Amity and it’s okay to be upset when those routines are disrupted. Whenever Willow catches them like this after her workouts, she requests a kiss from each of her girls on either cheek before she goes into the shower herself (usually to lighten the mood because it always makes Amity happy when Willow mimics Amity’s routine habits [it always works]).

Surprisingly, Luz is the one that does the grocery shopping. Willow knows what fruits and veggies they can grow to add into meals and how to prep food for the plants that actually eat, but she’s not especially well-versed in like. Meals. Amity has like 3 meals she knows how to make properly because they’re her favorites. Luz, with her mom’s recipes in her arsenal along with whatever wild dishes Eda’s made for her over the years while she lived in the Owl House, has the largest repertoire of Human/Witch meals under her belt. Plus, she always ends up getting little treats for her wives while she’s at the market that they adore. (Luz both loves and hates when her girls ask to go with her to help; she loves spending time with them, but she hates that they don’t know Luz’s system. She’s got a pattern that she follows and they’re just all over the place whenever they come with her.)

Every Saturday night is Date Night and one person is assigned with coming up with what they do that night. They take turns every week; Willow enjoys quiet nights in at home with them, romantic dinners with candle light and soft music while they chat about their day // Amity enjoys taking them out for romantic picnics if the weather allows, they have a few Favorite Spots they picnic at, but sometimes they just climb up on the roof. Luz always asks them to tell her about the Demon Realms constellations and their history because she loves hearing them talk. // Luz enjoys taking them to the Human Realm to visit some of her favorite restaurants and walk around a local park and watch the stars afterwards. She’ll tell them about all of the constellations she can remember (Percy Jackson phase anyone? Yeah, we all knew those shits names and constellations when we were in it, huh?). She’ll tell them her favorite stories behind each kind of constellation and tell them which ones remind her of her girls.

I 100% do not know what kind of jobs these girls would have as adults. I mean, Willow more than likely has a public garden she maintains, but I have no idea with Luz and Amity. I’ve seen a lot of headcanons in fics and art about Luz going into politics after defeating Belos but like. Luz? Luz Noceda? In Politics???????? Even in the Demon Realm I highly doubt that would happen. I think she might want to continue researching magic and how she’d be able to find glyphs for specific kinds of magic, creating new magic, etc. She might write books? Both fiction and non-fiction. I think she writes some memoirs about her life before coming to the Boiling Isles and before defeating Belos, but she’s been wanting to be a fiction writer since she was 7 years old. She’s got her own fiction series for sure. Amity might get into politics but I also doubt that. She might just be the editor and publisher for Luz’s books. Or she might work at the Library. I really don’t know. But Luz Noceda, ADHD extraordinaire, going into politics? I’d sooner expect that of Willow. And she’s already got her girls and her gardens.

They’ve got a Wednesday night book club. But it’s just them in their living room reading their own separate books after dinner until they get tired. They’ll all cuddle up together either on the couch or the floor or in bed or wherever and just sit and read in comfortable silence. Often times one of them will start absentmindedly start running their fingers through one of their partner’s hair and cause that partner to fall asleep. It is not uncommon for them to wake up in the same spot they were in for their book club with their books laying about and cramps in their necks. It’s one of their favorite things they do together.

Camileda:

Camila likes to sneak pictures of Eda in the morning cuz she thinks she looks especially cute when she’s not fully conscious yet.

Camila has no idea what the fuck is up with Eda’s hair. She’s tried asking both Luz and even Lilith but neither were able to give her an answer. They both only have theories. Eda always spouts some new ridiculous thing whenever anyone asks (she actually has a small, contained black hole at the back of her head that she uses to just store random shit // she cast an enchantment on her hair years ago to be able to use it like a Bag of Holding so she didn’t actually ever have to carry a bag // she was just born with hair that can hold seemingly anything and has never questioned it // etc.), so one day Camila just asks her. Eda tells her the truth; she doesn’t know either.

Regardless of the fucking enigma that is Eda’s hair, she still enjoys helping her wash and maintain it. Eda refuses to admit in the few first months they start dating, but she adores when Camila plays with her hair. Her hair is an integral part of who she is and it’s shockingly more intimate to her than anyone would guess when the allows others to touch her hair. She loves listening to Camila talk about her day while she braids tiny details into her hair. One day, Camila was so angry about something that had happened at work that she ended up braiding some super intricate flower designs into Eda’s hair and actually used all of it. Lilith and Luz are both in shock and awe that Camila was able to tame Eda’s mane into something so gorgeous and Eda maybe didn’t take out the broads for a few days afterwards because she loved it so much.

They love learning about each other?? Their lives up to this point have been so culturally different that all of their stories have an air of magical mystery to them that the other is always dazzled by. Eda loves learning about how Camila grew up and how she decided to become a healer (a ‘nurse’ she insists but Eda doesn’t really know the difference). Camila loves listening to Eda’s many tales of mischief of her school days and after her school days; although she does get worried when Eda mentions that she’s been to jail (Eda insists that it was only for a little bit before she figured out how to bust out! And she made off with some extra cash to boot, so it was a double victory).

It’s one thing to hear about Luz’s accomplishments from her own daughter and from Eda; it’s another to hear them coming from her teachers. Camila goes with Eda to a Parent-Teacher conference at Hexside ready to hear about how much trouble she gets into and how she needs to sign off on different kinds of detention slips and reports of damage and whatever, but is pleasantly surprised to see all of the teachers actually praising her? Some are ecstatic about her presence in heir class? They’d all been taught that humans had no magical ability at all and Luz had come into their classrooms and proved them all wrong and even helped them understand some of the nuances of their own subjects they’d struggled with on their own. By the time the conference is over, (including an incredible review from Principal Bump that left even Eda feeling moved) Camila was clutching o Eda’s arms as they left the school and crying in happiness. Her daughter was doing so well in school. All of her teachers loved her! They didn’t have any complaints about her inattention or disruptive behavior because they knew she was learning her own way. And Eda had fought for Luz’s ability to attend the first school that made Luz actually feel good about herself. Let’s just say there were a lot of heartfelt kisses that night when they got home.

I personally like to think that Camila likes to dance. Like, profesional-levels of dance. Like she maybe minored in dance in college before buckling down on her medical degree. I like to think that sometimes Eda will find her humming along to some song playing from her phone and dancing an entire routine in tiny movements while she goes about doing whatever else. Sometimes Camila will just drop into a fucking perfect split while she’s trying to reach for something that rolled under a table or whatever that catches Eda so off guard that she has to leave the room to collect herself. (It’s Camila’s love for dance that made Luz want to try cheerleading at her human school. Her school didn’t have a formal dance team, so cheerleading was the next best thing. It’s also how Luz knows how to drop into a perfect split when she first tries on that Hexside uniform despite not ever attempting it before.)

Eda’s never had any formal dance training; she’s a head-banger kinda girl. During some of her earlier escapades into the human realm, she’d sneak into many concerts and blended in perfectly with the other attendees in the mosh pit. She loves when Camila tries to teach her some more formal dances that aren’t just a free-for-all. Eda does her best to learn how Merengue works but she often gets confused as to what point she’s supposed to lean or step or spin and she usually ends up dizzy with Camila giggling at her. Camila always helps her come out of her dizziness with little kisses pressed to Eda’s temples; Camila adores that Eda tries so hard.

They love teasing each other. That’s the whole headcanon. Nah, for real tho, they love trying to get under each other’s skin with little teasing remarks and eyebrow waggles and sticking their tongues out at each other when no one else is looking like they’re little kids. It’s one of the easiest ways to get the other to laugh and they love each other’s laughs. Eda brings out Camila’s deeply-buried immature goofball personality that she’s had to push down for years just due to the nature of her studies and work, as well as being a single mom. You don’t have a lot of space to be an immature goof when you’re responsible for a whole other human being. Eda helps coax that back out of her. (Luz can’t remember ever seeing her mom so happy as she is when she’s goofing off with Eda.)

Camila’s constantly poking at Eda’s elbows and hip bones and shoulders and muttering about how bony she is; Eda replies in kind by digging her elbows into Camila’s gut or directly into her face and hip-checking her.

In a similar vein, Eda adores Camila’s curves, and not even just in a sexy way. She just loves how soft and squishy Camila is because hugging her is so comfortable; Eda swears she could fall asleep standing up if she’s hugging Camila. She also swears by this because she knows that under all that squish is some serious muscle and Camila wouldn’t let her fall.

Not really a Camileda headcanon so much as it’s just a headcanon: Camila and Lilith have the same eyeglasses prescription. It’s bizarre, that doesn’t happen really, but somehow they have the exact same prescription. This is discovered one afternoon when Camila and Lilith both arrive at the Owl house at the same time. Camila removes her glasses and sets them on the coffee table to just relax for a while while she and Lilith make small talk (Long after Camila’s reluctant acceptance of her). Lilith goes picks out a book to read and sits on the other couch to settle in while Camila takes a cat nap and she just picks up Camila’s glasses out of years of habit of picking up her own glasses. She doesn’t even notice they’re not her glasses until Eda and Luz come home and ask why in the hell Lilith is wearing Camila’s glasses. Lilith is confused but takes off the glasses and blushes because for Titan’s sake, those aren’t her glasses, those are her sister’s girlfriend’s glasses!!!!!!! She sputters out her explanation while Eda laughs at her and Camila wakes up. They end up actually properly testing it out by swapping glasses and yup; exact same prescription. They end up accidentally hoarding stockpiling spare glasses all around the Owl House for either of them to grab when they need glasses.

Please always ask for Willumity and Camileda, those are the keys to my heart 💖💕💝✨💘💞✨💖💖💘💕💝💞

[socialwriter]

Don’t Make Me Over

**Not my gif, credit to owner**

Pairing: Sarah Cameron x Female Reader, platonic Kiara Carrera x Female Reader

Summary: You turn to Kie for help trying to impress Sarah

1.4k+ words

tw: self doubt, cursing, 

A/n: In honor of pride month coming to an end, I decided to write my first wlw fic, hope you like <3 Sarah Cameron was the kook princess that everyone on the Outer Banks knew. She always looked good, with her hair perfectly smooth and soft, her skin sunkissed to perfection, and her confidence just adding to her natural good looks. You, on the other hand, felt like the complete opposite. As a pogue, you couldn’t afford any of the fancy clothes that she dawned, the skin care products that left her glowing, or find the strength to love yourself the way that she loved you. Sarah had constantly told you that she liked you as is, pressing a soft kiss to your lips in hopes of calming your racing thoughts. It never worked.

You were both each other's first girlfriends, and were completely new to the idea. Neither of you chose to put labels on your sexuality, you just knew that you each had feelings for one another. But, you couldn’t help but worry that feelings would eventually not be enough to keep the two of you together. That the divide between pogue and kooks would eventually become too much, forcing you two to end your relationship.

Kie placed her hand on your shoulder, snapping you out of your stupor. “Hey, you okay?” She questioned, clearly sensing your negative mood. “Oh,I,um..Its just sometimes I can’t help but think about how different me and Sarah are. How she’s a kook and I’m a pogue. How she gets dressed up and all girly, while every single piece of clothing I own has either a hole or a stain. You know, sometimes I feel like if people were to look at us walking together on the street, they’d wonder why someone that looks like her would want to be with someone that looks like me.”

Kie sighed, frowning and thinking about your predicament. She knew that Sarah didn’t care about your differences financially, and that she actually liked having a girlfriend that was so different from her. But, Kie could clearly see that this was eating you up inside. She raises her hand to brush a stray strand of hair out of your face that still vaguely smelled of the salt water you all had been swimming in for hours earlier in the day. “Do you really want to be more like Sarah?” She asks, to which you nod almost immediately. “Well then, it looks like you’re going to get kook-ified by yours truly.”

---

“Ok, we have some places that we need to go to in order to complete this makeover, but first, we need to take care of your eyebrows.” She said, pointing at the hairs right above your eyes. You huff, knowing that she’s right but resenting that it will probably be a very painful form of beautification. Kie sifts through her bathroom door before ultimately finding what she was looking for: wax strips. Before you can protest, she places a strip right between your eyes, smoothing it down. “Gotta get rid of any trace of a unibrow.”

“I don’t have a unibrow.”

Kie raises her brows, giving you a ‘whatever you say’ look before placing another strip above your lips. “I thought we were just doing the eyebrows?!” You cry, not appreciating the additional pain that Kie had subjected you to without your consent. “No peach fuzz either Y/n.” She mumbles before ripping off the strip between your eyebrows, eliciting a yelp of pain from your mouth. “Mother fu-” You let out before Kie places her hand on your mouth. “A kook wouldn’t curse at that. Remember, beauty is pain.” Rolling your eyes, you sit down on the lid of the toilet, starting to regret your decision to ‘beautify’ yourself for Sarah

---

“Hi, welcome to Sephora, how can I help you?”

“Hello, my friend here needs a consultation” Kie announces, pushing you forward slightly so that you’re standing face to face with the Sephora employee. The employee nods, plastering a grin on her face before leading you over to a chair where she would seemingly try to sell you as many Sephora products as possible. She pressed a futuristic looking contraption to your forehead, cheek, and neck, nodding as though she’s in deep contemplation. “Ok, so it looks like you’ve got some discoloration, I’m going to suggest this foundation and powder duo, which I just shade matched you too!”

Hesitantly, you grab the makeup, carefully reading the text on the sides before ogling at the price. “Um, Kie, this is $40? For glorified face paint and baby powder?” you whisper yell at her, causing her to nervously smile at the Sephora employee, who just walks off after Kie ushers her away. “I will pay for it, don't worry, but you’re getting it Y/n.” She says, her voice turning more serious than you had thought it would in a situation like this. “Remember, you’re doing this for love right?” You glare at Kie, knowing she’s right and that you had asked her to do all of this for you. You just kept repeating in your mind that this was for Sarah, and this would bring the two of you closer together.

---

After a grueling 24 hours, your makeover transformation was complete. Kie had applied all the makeup to your skin and eyes, leaving you ‘glowing from within’. Or at least that’s what the youtube tutorial that she had followed said. Your hair was actually styled for once, instead of loosely flying in the wind, up and out of your face. You wore one of Kie’s sundresses, the color complimenting your skin tone well. The two of you walk up to the chateau, and whatever conversation that was happening between your other four friends ceased when they saw you and your new look.

“What's up with your face?” JJ let slip, earning a smack upside the head from Pope and a glare from Kie. “She’s wearing makeup, JJ. What's it to you?” JJ gulps, recognizing that tone from Kiara and knowing he was about to get an ass whooping if he didn’t shut up. “N-nothing, ya look good Y/n.”

You face is burning at this point from all the attention and you suddenly find the floor very interesting before hearing your girlfriend say, “I need a beer. Y/n, come with me doll?” Looking up, you see Sarah with her hand outstretched for you to take, which you gladly do, and the both of you head inside the chateau, leaving the whispering three boys for Kie to deal with. As soon as she hears the door shut, Sarah spins on her heels to face you, clearly not coming inside for any beer. “What are you doing?”

You furrow your brows and tilts your head to the side, slightly confused. “What do you mean what am I doing?” Sarah huffs before gesturing to your entire figure. “I mean all this. The hair, the clothes, the makeup. This isn’t you, Y/n, and frankly I don’t like it very much.” Your eyes water, and you suddenly find it very difficult to look Sarah in the eyes. “But I did all of this for you..” you mumble, letting out a shaky breath. Now it’s Sarah’s turn to be confused, wondering what on Earth would possibly make you think she could want any of this. She gingerly raises your chin slightly, forcing you to look her in the eyes. “Baby why would you think I want any of this? I love you as you are.”

You roll your eyes, pulling away from her. “Cut the crap Sarah. You’re a kook and I’m just some dirty pogue that you’re bound to leave some day for someone else with a bigger house, bigger boat, and more money.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” She mutters, grabbing your face in her hands so that you have to look at her once more, pulling you out of your self-pity rant. “I thought that we were stronger than that. You know that I don’t care about all that kook pogue bullshit. My love for you is bigger than any of that. I love you for you, messy hair, stained clothes and all. I love you because of the things that make us different, not in spite of them. Don’t think you ever have to change for me, cuz trust me baby, you’re perfect as is.” 

You’re left speechless by Sarah's speech before a smile starts to creep up on your lips. “Did you just say that you love me?” You giggle, already knowing the answer. Sarah’s cheeks heat up, but she just rolls her eyes, pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

[calpalirwin]

Heart Wins

Summary: Single dad Michael hires a babysitter for his son.

A/N: Not the collab! Ha! Could you imagine?

Word Count: 2.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

“So, I would just need someone to watch him during the day so I can get some studio time in,” Michael told Maya. “I mean, he’s pretty lowkey. Likes to swim in the pool, watch cartoons, basic little kid stuff. I’ll try to keep my schedule as regular as possible, but there might be times I’ll ask you if you can stay later or even help me out on weekends if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem,” Maya smiled. “And the studio is where?”

“Here, mostly. We try to do what we can at our own places before paying out the ass for ‘professional’ studio time. And since I have Tidus, we usually work here. I just can’t be focused on working with them and watching Tidus at the same time. I mean, it’s not glorious or anything on your end. But, like I said, the kid’s pretty lowkey. And you’ll have the run of the place, so feel free to do whatever. But yeah… any, uh, questions?”

“Um, no I don’t- oh! What happens when you go off on tour?”

“I double your pay?” Michael laughed. “Honestly, I’m not too sure. I’m not set to leave anywhere for about another four months, so if you haven’t run for the hills for something better we can discuss it more then?”

Maya nodded, looking around the house wondering why on Earth she would ever want to give up a sweet ass job like this. “Works for me.”

“Alright,” Michael said, clapping his hands against his thighs and standing up. “I guess I’ll just show you where Tidus is, and leave you guys to it.”

She followed him through the house, up the stairs to a bedroom that had been converted into a playroom. A little boy of no more than 3 or 4 sat in the middle of a comfortable looking couch, his attention held by the cartoon playing on the large television. “Ti,” Michael got the boy’s attention. “This is Maya. She’s gonna watch you for a bit. Can you say hi?”

“Hi,”

“Hey, bud. Whatcha watchin’?” she asked, moving around to sit beside him.

“Pokemon!”

“Oh, cool! I love Pokemon. Who’s your favorite?”

“Pikachu.”

Michael smiled. “Alright, Ti. Maya’s the boss.”

“‘Kay.”

“I’ll be in the basement if you need me for anything,” Michael directed the statement at Maya. “Other than that, make yourself at home.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

~~~

“Maya,” a small voice whispered. “Psst… Maya!”

“Mmm? Wha?” Maya asked, yawning and opening her eyes to find a pair of light green eyes peering back at her under a cloud of soft yellow hair. “AAAHHHH!” She retreated to where her bed met the wall. “Tidus, are you tryin’ to kill me?!”

The six year old laughed. “Sorry… Dad said I wasn’t supposed to wake you…”

“But why would you do a silly thing like listen to your dad?” she questioned with her own laugh.

“Exactly! He’s not the boss of me. You are!”

“Nice save, kid.” She threw back the covers and sat up. “You want pancakes don’t ya?”

“Yes, please!”

“Alright. Your dad in the studio with your uncles?”

“They were there all night!” Tidus told her dramatically as they walked downstairs to the kitchen.

She frowned as she tried to remember what time her phone had said when she finally heard Michael’s footsteps on the stairs and the close of his door. Close to 2 am she was sure. And he’d probably only slept for a few hours before heading back down. He probably hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning, too close to a break through with the newest album to focus on much else. “Do you think they’re hungry?” she asked the boy.

“We’re gonna have to make the whole box,” Tidus giggled.

“Then let’s make the whole box.”

“Can we make a bunch of different kinds?!”

“Of course we can!”

“Whoohoo!”

A half hour and at least six different types of pancakes later, Maya and Tidus made their way to the basement studio. Tidus carefully carried the stack of plates while Maya held the platter of assorted pancakes, a bottle of syrup tucked under her arm. “Knock knock!” they yelled loudly. “Special delivery!” Maya kept up with it as she let them into the room.

The four adult men turned their heads at the intrusion. “That’s a lot of pancakes,” Michael spoke first, stepping forward to help Tidus with the plates before he dropped them.

“Yeah, we went a little overboard,” Maya responded, setting down the platter on the little table in the room. “Figured you guys must be starving.”

“You figured right. Thanks.”

“Oh, I just made the food. Was Ti’s idea.”

“Ti…” Michael said sternly to his son. “I told you to let her sleep.”

“But you said Maya was the boss. You never said I had to listen to you, too.”

Ashton, Calum, Luke, and Maya snickered into their hands as Michael’s green eyes went wide for a second. “What are you? An elephant?”

Tidus put his arm against his nose like a trunk and made his best elephant noise.

“Well in the future, Elephant Boy, you should listen to me, too. I am your dad after all.”

“10-4, boss man!” the boy chirped.

“What in th-?” Michael chuckled, looking over at Maya.

“No idea, boss man,” Maya laughed back. “Well…” she gestured at all the food. “Dig in!”

~~~

“So,” Calum asked, wiping away the last traces of sticky syrup after Maya and Tidus made their way back upstairs. “How long has Maya been watching Ti?”

“Uh…” Michael thought quickly. “‘Bout two years.”

“Mhm… And how long has she lived here?”

“She moved in right after the first tour, so a little over a year.”

“And she’s good with Ti?”

“Oh, she’s great with him. I’d be lost without her.”

“So, you’ve known her for two years. She’s lived with you for one. And she’s great with your kid,” Calum recapped.

“Yeah… That’s what I just said.”

“What Cal’s trying to say,” Ashton cut in, “is have you slept with her yet? And if not, can he?”

“What the fuck?!” Michael screeched at the same time Calum shoved Ashton with a “That is not my question!”

“Is too! Maybe not the sleeping with her yourself part. But the first part’s true. We’re all wondering, mate,” Luke piped up.

“What the fuck?!” Michael repeated, looking at his friends, slack jawed. “What kinda question is that? No, I haven’t slept with her!”

“Why not?”

“She’s Ti’s babysitter!”

“So?”

“So I’m basically her boss, you nitwits! I’m not fuckin’ the babysitter,” he growled.

“Alright, alright,” the other three held up their hands in surrender.

“And neither are any of you lot!” Michael added.

~~~

“Hey, Maya?” Tidus asked as they watched cartoons.

“Yeah, bud?”

“My dad goes on dates, right? To find me a mom?”

She blinked. She had been expecting him to ask if they could go swimming,or play with Legos, not have the Mom conversation. “Uh… well… yeah, your dad goes on dates. But he’s not trying to replace your mom.”

“No, I know that. But like, he’s trying to find someone that would love us like a mom would. Right?”

“Right. He just wants someone who’s gonna love you as much as he does.”

“So, why doesn’t he take you out on a date?”

Maya choked. “Uh… it’s not that simple, bud.”

“Well, why not? I mean, you’re here. And you don’t get mad at me when I wake you up to make pancakes. And you take me swimming, and watch cartoons with me. And you help in my classroom like all the other moms. Is it cuz you don’t love me?”

“What?! Of course I love you, you goof!”

“So, why can’t you date Dad and be my mom?”

Maya sighed. “It’s not that simple, Ti. Your dad and I have a different relationship.”

“Oh… Will you still stay if I do get a mom?”

“Of course I’ll stay!” she told him, even though she really had no way of knowing. She supposed it would depend on what the new woman did for a living herself, and how comfortable she would be with Maya staying in the house.

“Cool. Cuz me and Dad really like you here.”

“Dad and I,” she corrected absentmindedly.

“Dad and I,” he repeated. “Do you like being with us?”

“No place I’d rather be,” she grinned at him.

~~~

Michael’s head swam with his conversation with his bandmates. Yes, him and Maya got along with each other. Yes, Michael had come to view the woman as not only an integral part of his life, but also as part of the family. Maya had been there for every moment him and Tidus had over the last two years. And she was pretty in a way that often left him breathless, whether she was in a tank top and pajama bottoms with her hair slightly ruffled from sleep, or totally dolled up in a way befitting of magazine covers. But this wasn’t some friendship that could handle a little awkwardness. There were so many ways things could go with too many options for how it could end, each one worse than the last. And to risk it all over a maybe crush? No. It was far better to keep his mouth shut.

Unbeknownst for Michael, Maya’s own head had been swimming with her own equally conflicted thoughts that matched his own. “Hey, Michael,” her soft voice greeted him in the dark hallway.

“Shit!” he whisper-screamed, hand flying to his chest. “Fuck… didn’t see you there.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya…”

“Nah, it’s…” he shook his head. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” it was her turn to shake her head. “Was just about to turn in.”

“Oh… well, night then.”

“Night,” she murmured, feeling his body brush past hers. “Hey, Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… can we talk a moment? Ti said something earlier that you should probably be aware of.”

“Yeah, course. C’mon, we can talk in here.” He led them both into his bedroom, flicking on the light. “Is everything alright?” he asked as he sat on the edge of his bed, patting the space next to him.

“Oh, it’s not bad! Just… curious,” she told him as she sat beside him.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he mentioned you dating.”

“Aw, shit… I guess I didn’t explain that to him as well as I thought I did…”

“No, no,” Maya shook her head. “He understands. Well, as much as any six year old can anyway. It’s, uh… well he brought up something that I just can’t seem to shake.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah… um… and I’m not asking to put you on the spot or anything. It’s just…”

“Curious?” he supplied.

“Yeah. Um… what happens when one of these women becomes your long-term girlfriend or wife? Like… what would that mean for me?”

Michael leaned back on his arms. “Shit… Tidus came up with that?”

“Well, he asked if I would stay. I sort of filled in the rest.”

Michael nodded. Then, “What would you do? If it weren’t for this, what would you be doing?”

She shrugged. “Probably teach. I don’t think I’d have it in me to get invested in another family like I am with you guys.”

He nodded again. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to see you go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He smiled before laughing. “Aw shit. That explains a lot actually.” He kept laughing.

“I’m sorry?” she asked, not getting the joke.

“I’m the single dad with a live-in babysitter. No wonder all my dates end horribly.”

“Oh geez!” she laughed with him. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. That’s just…”

“Utterly ridiculous?”

“That’s terrible. Like this is my job. Sorry it’s ruining your dates.”

“Nah, it’s not your fault. Guess some people are just immature. Like I couldn’t possibly resist the temptation of having a beautiful woman in my home.”

“Beautiful woman?” she blinked, turning her head to look at Michael with his flushed cheeks.

“I- I didn’t mean it like that,” he rushed. “I mean, you are. Beautiful. But I- no. I should stop talking now.”

“No. What were you gonna say?”

“Well… I mean I pay you to be here. It’s not like you’re here because you want to be. I mean, maybe you do now. I hope anyway. But, like you’re here because you’re doing a job. If I wasn’t paying you I doubt you’d stay.”

“Well I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t pay me because I already feel bad enough you let me live here rent free. Not because I don’t want to be here.”

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment. But, this is all hypothetical. I need to find a girl who won’t run away once she realizes what my life really entails first.”

Maya brought a finger to her lips in thought. “Hmm… yeah, good luck with that one.”

Michael laughed. “Yeah. So if you have any friends who are understanding like you, lemme know.”

She laughed with him. “Sorry. Just me, I’m afraid.”

“Bummer…”

“Ouch!” She swatted his arm playfully. “You’d be lucky to have me.”

“I am lucky to have you,” he corrected. “But… we…” he pointed back and forth between them. “It’d be stupid.”

“Terribly stupid,” she sighed in agreement. “Or at least that’s what I told Tidus when he asked. Well, I said it wasn’t simple. But same thing.”

Michael choked. “He asked you what?”

“He asked why you didn’t take me out. Since how you’re trying to find a woman that loves him as much as you do.”

“Shit… how’d that kid get so smart?”

“No idea,” she joked. “Must be his babysitter.”

“Can’t be me, that’s for damn sure. If I was smart, I’d know what to do right now.”

“What's your brain saying?”

“To shut up, go to bed, and to keep trying to make it work with other women the way it already works with you so I don’t fuck up a good thing.”

“And your heart?”

“To take the risk anyway because at least then maybe I’ll have a clear answer.”

“And which are you gonna listen to?”

“No idea.”

“That makes two of us.” Maya patted his leg as she stood up. “G’night, Michael.”

“Wait,” he said, his fingers wrapping around her wrist. “Two of us? You feel this way too?”

“Course I do. But that doesn’t matter. Does it?”

“Fuck it,” he muttered to himself, tugging on her wrist so she fell down on his lap. “Heart wins.” His fingers stroked gently up her cheeks as he cradled her face in his hands, his lips brushing against hers.

She sighed into the kiss, tangling her own fingers in his soft hair, changing positions so she was straddling his lap. “Heart wins,” she agreed against his lips, as she started to pull away. “We can figure out the rest later.”

“Agreed,” he nodded frantically, green eyes shining brightly. “Fuck, c’mere.”

__

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[hu4ngs]

Ten as a boyfriend pls! Thank you!!

ohhhh boi

omg this baby

first of all congrats, you’ve got yourself a MAN

so let’s go from a to z

you met him when you attended your friend’s (let’s say guanheng) sports match

you weren’t all close to guanheng, so you have no idea who’s in his friend’s circle

and you were very much surprised that he asked you - of all people - to go to his match

so as a token of gratitude, you attended

you sat on the bleachers

you sat next to ten ;)

your first thought when you saw him was that you think he looks so much alike guanheng

when ten caught you staring, him being a lil shit, he just HAD to call you out, playfully, of course

“take a picture, it lasts longer”

you’re confused and taken aback

“i’m sorry, what?”

he laughed at you, before shaking his head

“i was kidding!” he told you

and then you laughed, but you were still very confused

ten, on the other hand, just brushed it off

although he’s a little embarrassed that his joke didn’t come through

there was an awkward silence between you two now

“so who are you here for?” he asked

“my friend, guanheng. he said this is his first time being a regular, so he wants every one he knows to -”

“to go see his match?” he finished your sentence for you

you’re really confused with this man

you nodded nevertheless, “how’d you know?” 

surprise surprise

guanheng and him are friends!

so you two exchanged instagrams cuz why not

he’s hot, you’re hot, i don’t see a problem here

and then it just continued on since then

you’d reply to his story

he’d reply to your story

it continued on like that for about two months

and then ten finally tells you that he’d like to have your number

you’re more than happy to give them to you

then you two started playing imessage games together

ten: damn you really suck at cup pong, y/n

you: literally leave me alone

ten: saving your number as ‘loser’ now

this goes on for a few more months i tell you

because ten is a prideful person

he’s not just gonna give in and admit to himself (or to anyone, for that matter) that he has fallen in love

plus, if you’re gonna get TEN to have a crush on you, you’re gonna have to wait longer than 3 months, this man isn’t here for puppy love, he’s here for LOVE love

after months, and you two are noticeably comfortable with each other now, you started opening up a little

every now and then you’d talk about your day to him

and ten appreciates that

he feels needed

he feels wanted

and he loves feeling that way

he loves feeling important to someone

even if he doesn’t open up as much as you do, you didn’t mind

you figured when he wants to open up, he will

and he noticed this about you, and totally loved this about you

plus to you, it’s not a big matter anywas

oh, you’re so oblivious with your feelings for him that was increasingly growing that’s why you’re so tolerable for him

one fine day

more like night

you were texting him

and ten asked you out

das right

just you two, out on a date

he was so straightforward about it??? big dick energy right there

n e ways

you’re like holy shit holy fuck oh my god wow

of course you said yes

only an absolute fool wouldn’t say yes to ten

so the next day yall meet up

he looks stunning

you look stunning

oh god i love a power couple

ten’s a little shy than he was the last time you saw him

and when he’s shy, he giggles and smiles a lot its adorable i tell you i’m so in love with you, ten

anywAys

he took you out to see a movie

and there wasn’t any bomb movie at that time so yall settled with a horror movie

but its shitty though

but it’s okay bc it’s the memories that matters xoxo

ten purposely picked the couple seat btw

he’s a sly fox

like i said it was a crappy horror movie so you weren’t really scared

but ten was surprisingly kept on his toes during some parts

considering all the times ten had teased you thru text

you decided to jumpscare him

you whispered-yelled a ‘boo!’ to him during the suspense part

and he actually S C R E A M

mans screamed LMAO

the few people who came to watch the movie gave you two quick glances

“i’m gonna beat your ass, y/n!” he told you

but you were too busy laughing to react to him

after the movie ended

ten was still a lil mad that you embarrassed him like that

so you decided to take him to an arcade 

ten quickly got over it and was excited to beat you in games like he usually does

“try beating me in real basketball the same way you did in the imessage version, loser!” ten told you

and obviously he won

virtual basketball and actual basketball are two different things

and you sucked at sports, even if its just an arcade game

i hope you know what basketball game im talking about omfg

and then you decided to play that shooting game where you have to kill zombies

it was nerve-wrecking 

you two were literally SO loud with letting out frustrations about how the zombies should just ‘leave you alone’ and how they should ‘go fuck themselves’

but yall actually won the game!!

you losers actually WON!!

you were so happy because you’re so used to losing in games

that you just,,, pulled ten into a hug

as you excitedly laugh, happily telling him that you’ve won because of how good your teamwork was

your ear was pressed exactly to where his heart was

and you’re surprised that his heart was beating so fast and so loudly

maybe it’s just the adrenaline from playing the game

so you brushed it off

then you went out to eat together

and when yall were eating

you talked to each other a bit more

talking about random things and facts about yourselves

you know,,, small talk and shit

ten, at this point, had already acknowledged that he has feelings for you

but after knowing how much you’re well educated about things he’s interested in, he falls harder for you

as you were busy talking

he couldn’t help but hold one of your hand that was on the table

you quickly became quiet as you stared down at his hand

“ten?”

“hey, y/n?”

you nodded as a response, wondering what the hell is he up to now

“do you think i’m a dumbass?”

you laughed at that question, not thinking much of it

you are, in fact, more intrigued with him holding your hand like that

“sure, sometimes you are”

he chuckled at your answer

and then he made eye contact with you

“well am i a dumbass if i told you that i like you? and that i wanna date you?”

you almost choked on your food

“wait! wait, wait. do you mean that?”

“of course”

you didn’t think twice

you’ve never been so sure about an answer your WHOLE life until now

“then yes, you are a dumbass! but, i like dumbasses. especially cute ones like you”

oh boy ten loves his baby confident like that btw ^

and voila! ever since then you two became a couple

NOW i was so into writing this

let’s get to the point

him as your boyfriend?

nothing changed much

except now he takes you out in so much dates

he loves you so much, and he’s constantly reminding you

he’s not one to admit his love as often as it seemed, so he’d show it through his act of kindness

he knows how much you appreciate the little things

so, he’d shower you with little things

he’d tell you to be safe when you’re on your way to somewhere

facetimes/calls you whenever you tell him a good news, just to congratulate you and say ‘i love you and i’m proud of you, baby!’

he has a lot of petnames for you

baby, angel, babe, honey, darling, fatass, loser, the list goes on

he comes over so often you have a hard time trying to sneak him out whenever your family member comes back from work/school

he’d tease you a lot for being scared to introduce him to your parents though

but he doesn’t mind, when you’re ready, you’re ready

he doesn’t really hug a lot

he kisses you a lot though

he lovesssss giving you a peck on your lips

when you two meet up? kiss

when you’re going back home? kiss

when you made a funny joke? kiss

when he finds you adorable? kiss

oh my god your first kiss with him was totally accidental

ten was showing you his new art and you complimented him

it boosted his self confidence

and then he was jokingly saying “your boyfriend is such a genius artist, don’t you think?”

he was walking towards you at the same time

then he accidentally tripped whilst he was rambling on about how amazing he is

but it’s okay he landed straight into your arms so you managed to catch him before he falls and breaks his nose

BUT his lips landed a centimetre away from your lips

when he pulled back he was like O__O

“did i kiss you?”

“no”

“aw, that sucks”

you were kinda blushing now

he saw you like this, and took this opportunity

he quickly wrapped his arm around your waist, and leaned in to kiss you

it wasn’t THAT passionate

but it was sweet

he was smiling in the kiss when you kissed back

when he pulled away, your noses were still touching

and he took the time to admire your beautiful face

“i love you, babe”

ANYWAYS!! OH MY GOD THIS IS GETTING ME IN MY FEELS!!!!

he compliments you a lot too

he’s constantly reminding you that you’re beautiful

sometimes he invites you when he’s going out with guanheng/taeyong/johnny because he wants everyone he cares about to meet you

he talks about you a lot to his family, too

saying how lovely you are, and how smart you are

and that his family would absolutely adore you when you meet them

god he praises you so much he literally boosts your confidence

oh ALSO!!!

he’d go to every event you joined

you’re doing a performance at your school/college? he’s there to support you

your school’s doing an open carnival and you’re the host for the event? he’ll be there

you’re at a math championship? he’s sitting amongst the crowd praying you’d do your best

you’re volunteering? you’re going together because no way in hell is he gonna let you do all these hard work without his help

you appreciate this so much, it means a lot to you

during your anniversaries/birthday, he’d surprised you a lot

he’d buy you the gift that you didn’t remember telling him that you wanted it

along with 10 other gifts that he bought you 

he’ll take you to that fancy restaurant you’ve been eyeing a lot whenever you two go out

he’ll also remind you how much he loves you because you just mean so much to him

whenever you two argue

he’s usually a dick ngl

he’s got a sassy mouth

it’s not his fault if he roasts you

also

you two argue quite often too

some more serious than the other

ten builds a big wall around his heart because he’s just a guarded person in general

it takes a long time for him to open up and trust someone

but once he does, he trusts said people very dearly

even so, whenever you argue, it’d take a while for him to cheer up

it takes an even longer time if he was in the wrong, because he’s quite an egotistical person

but once he cools down completely

he’ll go see you

and he’ll cuddle with you for as long as he can

caressing your hair

whispering sweet nothings into your ear

he does feel guilty of course, but its kinda difficult for him to apologise, so he does these act of kindness instead as an apology

he doesn’t mean anything that he said when he argued with you though

he was simply just trying to win the argument

he’s so glad that you’re able to tolerate with him

because not a lot of people can

he appreciates you a lot for that

he makes it clear that he’d do anything for you because you’re simply worth the effort

in conclusion

ten would be an amazing boyfriend for you

he loves you dearly

he will be the best boyfriend ever

his hugs will linger with you for days

his kisses gets sweeter each time he kiss you

although he can be an ass sometimes

it can’t be helped, that’s part of ten’s nature

he’s a lil mischievous, so you need to tolerate with that, the same way he’ll have (and will) tolerate with your bad sides too

please don’t ever let him go

ten as your boyfriend will make you forget about you exes, he’s just THAT amazing

i said it countless times but im gonna say it again

he loves you so much, so so so so so much, you’re his own personal angel to him

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[spn-ficfanatic]

F*ck Cancer- Ch 8: The End (Final)

SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER ONE - CHAPTER TWO - CHAPTER THREE - CHAPTER FOUR - CHAPTER FIVE - CHAPTER SIX - CHAPTER SEVEN

A/N: This is it guys, the final chapter. No summary, the title speaks for itself. Let me know if you laughed, let me know if you cried, let me know if you decide to unfollow me after this cuz I’m scum (but please don’t?). Second A/N at the bottom.

Genre: Angst all the way

Characters: Sam x Reader, Dean x Platonic!Reader* *For the Dean ladies/lads: it may not be romantic between him and the reader, but it’s a very close brotherly/sisterly relationship and I still think y’all will really enjoy it :)

Words: 2412

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You thought a lot about death. You wondered if it would hurt, or if you might just fall asleep... if you would even remember who you were when the time came. Would you go to heaven, or hell? If it was hell, would Crowley cut you some slack? If it was heaven, well… what even WAS heaven? Would your parents be there? Would you have an imaginary Sam to keep you company, until the real one could join you?

Sam thought a lot about what came after death. Not being able to wake up every morning and spoon you until you opened your eyes and kissed his neck. Not sitting with you in the garden anymore, watching the family of foxes behind your house as they grew up and had cubs. Not being able to follow the foxes and have babies of your own. Moreso, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what he would do next. You wanted him to sell the house and go back to hunting, but he couldn’t see a life after you.

Dean mostly thought about ways to save you. Sure, you’d had this conversation with them before and they’d promised not to look. But he did anyway, while you slept he hid away in his room and scoured as many books and websites as he could. Columns of printed paper highlighted in various colours filled his wardrobe to the brim, hidden from view. Suddenly the man who loathed research found himself living and breathing the pages of any ancient book he could get his hands on. Bobby had brought some with him when he came for the wedding, and continued to look on his own back at his house. But time was drawing nearer, the inevitable just around the corner, and hope was running out.

The day you heard loud crashes coming from Dean’s room was the day you knew... If there ever WAS hope, it was now gone. Of course you knew he was still looking for ways to save you, you weren’t stupid. And you’d be lying if you said you weren’t slightly optimistic that he might come through with some miracle, despite what you told them. Sam looked at you with concern and you gave him a small sad smile.

“He’s been trying to find ways to save me,” you whispered to him, too tired to speak at a regular volume anymore. You saw a flash of anger cross his eyes, and brushed your palm over his cheek affectionately. “Don’t be angry with him, he needed a distraction from watching me die. You need to help him now though, because I think his world just crumbled.”

You smiled sadly, and leaned over to kiss him lightly on the lips. He nodded, and sniffled as he stood up and tread carefully to his older brother’s room while the noise continued. You listened to the exchange from the lounge room, unable to do anything but sit helplessly.

Sam opened the door and his eyes widened to find hundred of pages floating through the air. Feathers too, and he spotted a torn pillow on the floor. Books and papers were littered across the carpet, and Dean’s laptop lay on top with a broken screen. The older brother hadn’t even noticed Sam had walked in, he was too busy swearing and shredding the hundreds of papers he’d collected over the last few months.

“Dean!” Sam shouted, stepping forward and grabbing his arm. Dean thrust his arm away and didn’t respond, continuing to destroy whatever he could lay his hands on. When he reached for one of Bobby’s ancient books Sam yelled with alarm and grabbed him harder, pushing him onto the bed. “Snap out of it man, Bobby will kill you if you wreck tha-”

“Shut it Sam, get out of here,” Dean responded, moving to stand on his feet again before Sam pushed him back down. Dean glared at him, seeing red. In one fell swoop he leapt up and pushed him back, sending him into the desk.

“I’m not leaving Dean,” he growled, standing tall in front of his big brother.

“Fine, then I will,” he replied, making for the door. Sam rushed to block his way, and Dean shook his head with a humourless laugh before punching him in the jaw. Sam staggered back slightly, but quickly recovered before pushing Dean back into the room. He hit the wall and fell to the floor.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he told him angrily, “not like this. You’re not gonna go out and get blind stinking drunk and pick a fight with a guy who probably doesn’t deserve it. You wanna punch someone? Punch me. I’m the one who brought us here. I’m the one who fell in love with a dying woman. I’m the one who’s forced you to watch Y/N die.”

Tears were filling his eyes at this point, but Dean didn’t notice through his own. He stood up, using the now broken and unstable desk for support. It creaked under his weight, its legs cracking.

“Fuck off Sam, this isn’t on you OK? This is all on me. I’m supposed to be the big brother, I’m supposed to get you guys out of trouble, that’s my damn job. Always has been, always will be,” he growled, kicking a nearby wastebasket in frustration. He paused, bringing his hands up and rubbing his face, resting them behind his head as he looked away with tears in his eyes.

“That’s not on you Dean,” Sam told him, calmer now as he watched his brother’s wall collapse. He slowly approached him, careful not to step on anything in the process. “You’re not here because you’re just some guy we’d hired to save her life, you’re here because we’re a family. And sometimes part of that is accepting that family doesn’t end with death.”

Sam voice shuddered as he spoke that word. He generally tried to avoid it when it came to speaking about you but lately had been trying to be more open to the idea, which meant not shying away from it. He cleared his throat before continuing.

“Y/N doesn’t blame you for not finding a cure. I don’t blame you. I’m a little pissed that you kept it from me truth be known, but that’s a whole other thing.”

The corner of Dean’s mouth raised slightly in a half-hearted smirk, and he nodded slightly. He sniffed, and brought his hands down and rested them on his hips.

“How’s she doing?” he asked quietly. “Really?”

Sam sighed and ran his hand through his hair, sitting down on Dean’s bed.

“She’s sleeping a lot, not eating much. Her memory is just getting worse, along with the headaches and the nosebleeds. So, everything you’d expect I guess.”

Dean frowned and leaned back against the wall he stood in front of. As he opened his mouth to respond he heard a crash coming from the lounge-room, and as he and Sam shared an alarmed glance they both bolted from the room shouting your name.

They found you on the ground where Sam had left you in your wheelchair, shaking as a seizure wracked your body. Sam fell to the floor next to you and rolled you to your side.

“Dean!” he cried in a panic. “Wha-what do I do?”

“You’re doing it man, just sit with her,” he responded, trying to stay calm for his little brother as he pulled his mobile out and called for an ambulance. He patted him on the shoulder in reassurance, “just hang on Sammy, I’m getting help.”

--------------------

As Dr Wheeler approached them, they could see on her face that the news wasn’t good. They didn’t wait for her to reach them, standing from their chairs and meeting her halfway instead.

“How is she?” Sam asked desperately. They’d been waiting anxiously for 3 hours while they examined you and called in your doctor for a second opinion. Dr Wheeler sighed, and gestured for them to take a seat with her.

“No, please Doc, we’ve been sitting for hours,” Dean told her firmly. “Just tell us.”

Sally nodded in understanding, and cleared her throat. “Y/N is comfortable for now, but the tumour has increased in size significantly since I last saw her. If nothing else, it’s confirmation that any further treatment would have merely caused her unnecessary suffering,” she explained, trying to soften the blow. “I’m afraid other than making her comfortable, we can’t do anything more for her.”

Dean nodded, looking at the ground. “How long?”

Sally looked at the two men sadly. The older brother couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes, and the younger stood staring into space, hearing but not seeing. She’d seen it hundreds of times before and it never got any easier, but something about these men made it harder than most.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t expect she’ll make it through the night.”

Sam lifted his eyes to hers, tears pooling but not falling. Behind her he could see the sun rising through the window, turning a beautiful shade of purple that he knew you would have loved. The idea that you might not see it set nearly broke him, but some inner strength he didn’t know he had kept him standing.

“Can we take her home please?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“Of course,” she told him with a sad smile. “I can arrange for a nurse to join you and administer pain relief, and an ambulance to take her home and connect her to a drip. It should be enough to get her through relatively pain-free and, hopefully, conscious enough to allow you to say goodbye.”

Against his better judgement a small sob escaped Dean’s throat, but he quickly cleared it and avoided his brothers gaze.

“Sam, why don’t you go sit with Y/N? I can do the paperwork,” he offered, looking at Sally for the first time. She nodded with a small smile, indicating this would be fine, and led the boys to your room.

--------------------

You were asleep for most of the day but this wasn’t unusual for you anymore. You woke up for an hour around lunchtime, sitting on Sam’s lap while he and Dean shared a beer on your porch. You were wrapped snugly in your quilt, and coupled with Sam’s body warmth you were very toasty. You were grateful when they didn’t make a fuss when you opened your eyes; Dean offered you a beer and you enjoyed a small sip as they continued talking about whatever topic they could think of to fill the silence. Dean told you Bobby was on his way and you gave a small nod, resting your head against your husband’s chest and looking out over your garden.

“Will you guys be ok?” you asked quietly, and silence fell.

Sam’s grip on you tightened as you heard Dean’s footsteps approach you. As he knelt down to face you, you noted sadly that his eyes were red and puffy.

“Not really,” he told you honestly, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “But we know that you’ll be safe wherever you are.”

“Do hunters, do hunters go to heaven? Do you think?” you asked, already running out of breath.

“Yes,” Sam answered, not missing a beat. “And even if they don’t, Crowley is going to make sure you do.”

You wrinkled your brow in confusion. “You didn’t-”

“Make a deal?” Dean finished for you with a reassuring smile. “No, no deal. Just a favour, he owed me one.”

Dean didn’t miss the sparkle in your eyes at that news. “So my mom…”

“You’ll see her again,” Dean promised solemnly. “She’ll look after you.”

A tear slid down your cheek and you nodded slightly. Sam leaned over and planted a kiss on your cheek, and you turned your head slowly to look at him.

“Until we’re together again,” you told him simply. He had held it together before this, but couldn’t stop the dam from breaking at that moment. Unable to answer he simply nodded, and kissed you on the lips. You let your head fall to his chest again to look at Dean, who was unable to stop his own tears, and gave him a small smile.

“I know,” you whispered, before letting your eyes close for what would be the last time.

-------------------------------

EPILOGUE

As Dean pulled Baby up to the sand he cut the engine. They had been driving for 2 days waiting for something, anything, to speak to them. To say they were looking for a sign was corny; perhaps it was more guidance that they sought. Neither had spoken much since your death. They wordlessly picked out an urn to collect as many of your ashes as they could and, with Bobby in tow, drove you to a remote location in the woods to give you the hunter’s funeral you deserved.

And now here they were, thousands of miles away from Austin and standing on a beach a few hours out of Seattle, the first they’d come across since heading west. They took off their shoes as they looked over the horizon, the sun setting, and as Dean headed towards the water Sam followed behind carrying your urn.

The water felt warmer than it should have been, inviting almost, and they walked in until the water lapped at their knees.

“She’ll like it here,” Sam commented, watching the children play further down the beach and a family of ducks floating nearby. Dean nodded in silent agreement as Sam removed the lid with a trembling hand. He waited until the breeze came, and gently tipped your ashes out of the urn. The breeze took you easily, and you danced in the air gracefully before landing on the water. A small wave enveloped you, and soon you were scattered amongst the fish and coral underneath the surface.

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A/N 2: OK, so, in my defense nearly every fic I write the Reader makes some miraculous recovery. I felt it was time to branch out from this. I hope I did it justice, and I hope everyone still liked the ending even though I saw many of you hoping she’d make it.

If you like my stuff please be sure to ask to be on one of my taglists! I’ve been thinking for a while that I’d like to do another Buffy episode rewrite... if anyone has a request for an episode send me an ask!

Thanks for joining me on this journey... love y’all!

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SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER ONE - CHAPTER TWO - CHAPTER THREE - CHAPTER FOUR - CHAPTER FIVE - CHAPTER SIX - CHAPTER SEVEN

MY MASTERLIST

Tag Lists (Open)

Series Taglist: @deghostyboi , @dreaminemz , @spence-rreid, @almostelegantfire , @ericaprice2008 @mirandaaustin93, @sandlee44

“Dean/Jensen” taglist:  @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk, @perpetualabsurdity, @mlovesstories

“Everything” taglist: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @waywardasfudge, @im-dead-inside05, @julzdec, @adoptdontshoppets, @meghanbeinghappy, @sleepylunarwolf , @sammysgirl1997, @imaginationisgrowth, @screechingartisancashbailiff , @flamencodiva

People who requested tags, that I cannot tag (but will still mention because I feel bad :( ): @ronja-uebrick, @lilydarcy, @cabbagewithissues

[unknowngirl199424-blog]

Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

[chocolatemillkk]

Super Close (JS)

Request: Ok would you be able to do an imagine thats after the one your did with joe and the song Super Far but its like a year later or something right and hes finally moving on and he likes a new girl but he has a hard time trusting her cuz he had bad experiences but the girl teaches him to trust in love again. i know its weird cuz both girls are y/n lol but pretty please do this? love your writing btw!

A/N: so. I know you sent this like a looong time ago but I just had it on hold for a while. It would be weird considering both love interests are supposed to be the reader but the part about healing from a toxic relationship intrigued me! So I've written something up for it, I hope it's to your liking. Everyone heals differently I just wrote it this way for a quick imagine. Sorry for the wait!

I met Y/N a couple weeks ago when Caspar convinced me to go on a blind date. It was almost approaching nine months since I'd had my last relationship-if you could call it that. It was an unhealthy relationship, I see that now in retrospect. We weren't right for each other and it took me months to come out from that. And I have it to thank for all the confusing issues and insecurities it's left me with. That was why I'd said no to Caspar. But he brought it up every time he saw me until I said yes.

That evening I put in the effort to wear a clean shirt and style my hair from the usual bedhead it's gotten into-I needed a haircut. I was ten minutes early so I found a corner table to wait and scanned the menu to pass the time, thinking about the video I was planning on editing when I got home.

She arrived right on time, I caught sight of her as the waiter led her to the table and I suddenly felt like an idiot. I had thought Caspar was the one not taking this seriously and just setting me up with a rebound girl. But I was the idiot not taking it seriously enough because my date stopped me dead in my seat.

"Here's your table miss," the waiter says, nodding at me before heading back.

"Hey-hi," I scramble from my chair when my legs finally work again. "Joe."

"Hey, Y/N." She leans into my hug and she smells like what I imagine the beach to smell like. "Caspar has spoken nothing but praise for you. He's honestly been talking about you since I met up with him a few weeks ago."

I feel flushed as I sit back down. "He was probably exaggerating. I'm just an average-well...Joe."

I want to pinch myself and I wait for her to roll her eyes but she laughs at my joke instead. She laughs despite the dad factor of the joke and it spark wamrth in my chest towards her.

"I feel a little guilty for doing it so I want to just come outright and say I looked your channel up and watched a few of your latest video. Blame Caspar though-he was going on about you."

Her eyes crinkle as she pretends to cringe at what she's said but I'm surprised to hear that she'd done it and actually admitted to it-my last girlfriend didn't watch any of my videos.

"So then you know I can be an idiot-I don't have to lie until our third date," I say.

"Babe, don't lie on my account. I'll confess I can be an idiot too. The other day I was trying to tap my Sephora card on the underground and I was nearly in tears when it wouldn't work until I turned the little slip around and saw it was the wrong card." She laughs at herself as she opens the menu up and I do too-feeling the nerves shake off. I feel brave enough that I share an embarassing story of my own from taking an Uber here.

When the waiter comes by I take the few moments to watch her decide from the menu. She tucks her hair behind her ears and her eyes are so expressive as she listens to what the waiter recommends.

"Any drinks?" He asks us. Y/N looks at me and we both know the answer-we could already feel the familiarity between us so we could tell it would be a long night.

"Maybe a bottle?" I say and she bites her lip to keep from laughing.

We'd polished the bottle and gone back to my place after and talked until 3 in the morning. That was when she remembered she had work at 8 and left in a rush. Since we were both busy, we hadn't spent as much time as we wanted to together. But every moment with her was gentle and therapeutic but exciting. I looked forward to each moment.

Tonight was a Friday night and I planned on surprising her.

Y/N worked in the financial district and I wait in the lobby of her building. The women are dressed so similarily that I almost miss her but it's like she radiated a warmth I just couldn't miss.

"Y/N," I shout, forgetting this was where she worked. She turns and sidesteps a man who brushes past her with a scowl. I wave my arm and she spots me, her face morphing into delight as she hurries forward.

"Joe! What are you doing here?" She gives me a hug.

"I thought I'd surprise you, I wanted to see you." I say, suddenly feeling self-conscious as her mouth hangs open and she glances back. "Are you busy? Sorry I should have asked first...if you've got some other plans we can just hang out on Saturday? It's alright-"

"It's not that," she puts her hand on my arm which shuts my rambling off. She turns around again, "I just had to run an errand after work but I'm free otherwise! I just...don't know if you wanted to come with me for a manicure?"

"A manicure?" I ask. "You're getting your nails done? I don't mind. I have a sister remember? I've actually had to help her glue glitter onto her nails when I was younger." I feel a humongous sense of relief that she wasn't angry and that I wouldn't be hanging out on my own tonight.

"Really?" She laughs, gripping my arm. "Okay, you're literally my favourite person right now! I tried to convince my coworker to come with me but she hates that kind of thing. You might have to wait a bit but I've got an appointment so not too long..."

I go along as she chatters on and then ask her about her day. It's a short walk to the salon and once inside I pull up a chair beside where she gets her nails done and tell her about what I was up to.

"So what did you have planned?" She asks once we step out.

Shit, I realise I hadn't actually planned anything and I feel my anxiety spike. "What were you in the mood for?" I risk asking.

"I don't mind anything really," she says casually. "I've had a long day so I'm alright with even just going somewhere chill."

"Want to go back to mine?"

"That sounds perfect," she agrees and I'm surprised again with how easy it was with her. If I suggested a night in to my last girlfriend she would have pouted until I agreed to go to a club or a pub or wherever there was music and booze and other men. Y/N seemed to just be happy to spend time with me, just like I was with her.

"Shit you're probably hungry," I say once we reach my flat.

"Sort of," she admits. "But don't feel bad!"

"Did you want to get takeaway?" I suggest.

"I might raid your fridge first," she squeezes past me and into the kitchen. I watch her pull out a few ingredients.

"What are you up to?" I ask.

"Dinner," she looks through my cupboard. "We may as well if you've got all these ingredients."

"I can do that," I move towards where she stands. "Just grab a drink and relax or something."

"I'm alright!" Y/N insists. She takes the garlic from my hands and places it back on the counter. "I'm going to make you dinner."

"At my house? There's no need," I try to reach for the cutting board but she slips it away. "Really Y/N let me make dinner if-"

"Joe," she places a hand on my chest. "I want to make you dinner."

I feel slightly embarassed at the fact that her hand on my chest can feel my heart which beats erratically. The last time I tried to do this for a girl, it resulted in the ingredients for pizza splattered on the floor and many tears. My old girlfriend would never offer to cook for me and never acknowledged it when I took the time to cook for her. The one time she did was to prove a point to me which led to the argument when I found out she was only doing it because she was going to break some bad news to me.

But as I look into Y/N's concerned face, I realise that I need to leave the past where it belongs. Y/N wasn't my past but a bright future and a perfect present.

"Sorry," I apologise for the fuss I was making. I hold the hand against my chest. "I forget-it's hard for me to remember that I can trust people and there's no double meaning to things. That...you just want to cook me dinner because you want to cook me dinner."

Y/N closes the distance between us, "I've...put pieces together from the bits you've told me and Casp has mention. I'm sorry you had to go through something that changed you that way Joe." Tears gather on her lash line and she blinks them away. Looking at her, feeling for me and being concerned for me, I realise that all hope-and love-was not truly lost. Somehow Y/N was helping me restore my faith that I could find love again. That I could be loved again. But to test it...

I brush Y/N's cheek and lean to kiss her. I can feel the softness of her lips, the curve of them as they smile and kiss mine back. I pull away and she sighs as I move to her neck and she runs her fingers through my hair as I kiss her pulse. I can feel the blood pumping through it but the love too. I lean back and hold her face in my hands and when she looks at me her eyes shine with the same love. I reel with how much she had to give me when we hadn't even dated for long. Just because she had that kind of soul.

One person might have convinced me that no girl was ever worth it again, that putting your love and trust in a person was never worth it. But this one person standing right in front of me squashed that notion and tossed it in the trash.

I pull her to me, super close to my heart, and kiss her forhead. Whatever I had been through, if it had just led me to her love, it had been worth it.

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

Mark Is Acting Weird (8/10)

Author’s note: Sorry this took a long time to update. I was so busy doing requests and then school and work.

Word count: 3251

Genre: angst

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 7.5 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Rest of the Parts 

It had been almost two weeks since bowling night and you really hadn’t talked to Mark. In the mornings, he would send a good morning text just like he used to when you both first started dating. At night he would try to call you or text you. Whether it be because you were too tired from the day or because you were still a bit pissed about how bowling went, you turned down his attempts with a text telling him you were going to bed.

Tonight was no different and at the moment he was trying to call you. You had missed his first call because you were washing your face, but he left a text asking if you were up to talk.

“Ugh… Well I am not that mad anymore.” You thought to yourself. “…And I do miss him.” you pouted.

You got into bed, setting up a video call. He was quick to pick up. His face appeared on the screen and you half smiled. He hair was wet from just out of the shower and his was also snuggled up in his bed, he just looked so comfortable and cute.

“Hi babe!” he said before you could even hi first.

“Hey” you yawned.

“Aw, you tired?” he yawned back.

“Yeah. You?”

“Eh, only a bit. Our schedule hasn’t been as bad lately.”

“I’ve noticed. You and the guys have more time to bug me now cuz all you keep blowing up my phone.”

His eyebrows furrowed a bit. “The- the guys? Wh-what are they texting you about?”

“Just the usual.” You said vaguely. Of course what you wanted to say was that everyone was bugging you about how the whole bowling thing. It was all mostly Jackson nagging that Mark was keeping you to himself, Jinyoung concerned about how you and Mark were doing, and Bambam interrogating you about whether the girl that rented out the shoes was really checking him out or not. But, you weren’t going to tell him any of this.

“Yeah? Cuz lately I have only gotten crap from the guys.” he huffed.

“Over what?”

“Bowling night… Jackson keeps telling me I was being a jerk and Jb just keeps looking at me all disappointed now and Jinyoung… Jinyoung is just trying to pull some gossip out of me.” He tried to laugh. “…Was I really that bad?” he asked with a nervous face.

“Yes. Mark I told you, you ruined the night.” You knew you were being harsh, but you were still upset over the whole thing.

His arm dropped to his side and all you could see on his screen was his ceiling.

“Mark?”

“Wait.” He sighed.

You stayed quiet, waiting impatiently until he picked up his phone again.

Eventually he picked up the phone again, aiming it at his frowning face. “Baby, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to come off that way. I- I just missed you! We hadn’t seen each other in a while and I just wanted to make up for the lost time. I guess it all just came out too strong.”

“Yeah, ok you have been saying that already, but Mark why are you suddenly acting this way? For months while you were gone you basically ignored me, pushed me away when you are back, then suddenly you want to control me and you’ve been jealous for no reason. You’ve never been this way before. I’m starting to think there is something going on that you aren’t telling me.”

He turned away from you. “Baby, I already told you-“

“You aren’t the only one with stress Mark. I have stress too but I don’t take it out on you! And I am really getting tired of all these stunts you have been pulling…” you said in a hush as you felt a lump in your throat.

Mark let out a long sigh, his eyes avoiding the camera. “Why don’t we redo this whole group night thing then?” he offered “We all have a day off on Saturday. Y-you can come over and hang out with us all.” He insisted.

You scoffed. “Perks of dating in secret: dates at the dorm and rented out bowling alleys.” You said through teary eyes. “Mark I-I don’t know. A big part of me is telling me we should just take a break…” you could feel your bottom lip quivering at just the thought. You didn’t want to be away from him, but things were just getting to that point again.

Teary eyed as well, he shook his head at you. “I don’t want to do that.”

You stared back at him, annoyed at his refusal to consider your reasoning and, basically, your feelings in this whole shit show you called a relationship.

“You say you want a break or a pause or whatever you girls like to call it, but what I hear is a break up because that’s basically what we’ll be doing and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to risk putting that much more space between us and losing you in the process. I love you, I don’t like being away from you more than I have to. It’s hard enough dating in secret and the only reason I put up with it is to protect you. And if it were up to me, we’d be living together already, but you don’t want to do that cuz you still don’t want to have sex yet, but we are for sure as hell not ready to get married yet. That in itself is stressful enough but I put up with it because I still want to be with you. Just cut me some slack here y/n, please?”

“…Fine, but…” you let out a sigh. You were scared. You didn’t really know what to do, if anything was even wroth it anymore. You took one last look him and your heart hurt seeing him looking so upset. “How about this… You come over tomorrow night. I don’t care how tired you are or what you have in the morning or any other bullshit. You come over after whatever you have to do and we talk or just I don’t know… and depending on how that goes, then I’ll decide whether I want to keep things going between us.”

“… I can do that.” he said softly.

“You are walking on a thin line Mark. Just- I’m serious about this.” you said sternly.

“Yeah, I am too.”

“Ok… ok well its late now. You better get some sleep. I don’t want you lashing out at me again just because you are sleepy.” You couldn’t help but let yourself be salty.

“I deserve that… But yeah, I guess it’s time for bed… night.”

“Night”

“I love you.”

“Yeah… me too.” That’s when you ended the call.

ONE WEEK LATER

You knocked on the door and quickly greeted by your smiling boyfriend. “Hey, babe!”

“Hi Markipoo.” You said has he hugged you, dragging you into the dorm.

He gave you a deep kiss. “Thank you for coming today!” he kissed you again. “And thank you for calling me Markipoo again.” He blushed.

“Jinyouuuuuuuung!” Yugyeom’s voice suddenly appeared next to you both. “Mark and y/n are being gross again!” he shouted through the dorm. “Hi y/n” he smiled at you after doing his childish stunt.

“Hey yugyeom.” You broke away from Mark, giving Yugyeom a quick hug.

Mark squinted at the youngest jokingly “And you wonder why we find you annoying”

“I still don’t know what you mean by “annoying”.” he laughed, walking to his room.

Mark turned back to you. “Expect everyone else here any second now.” he groaned.

“And what’s so wrong with that? I came over so I can see everyone remember?”

“Let me take off your coat?” he asked changing the subject.

You let him only because it was a cute gesture instead of a stupid defensive comment.

“Oh… you’re wearing the Hong Kong shirt I got you…” he commented.

You smiled. “Yeah! You got it for me and last week you said it looked really good on me, so I thought I would wear it again.”

“And you do look hot in it, especially cuz is it a lot more revealing than I thought it would be… and it was fine when it was just you and me but-… W-why don’t I just lend you one of my shirts? You love wearing my shirts.”

“No! This shirt isn’t “revealing” and I like this shirt, so I’m going to wear this shirt. If you have problem with that, then that’s your fault.”

“Y/n!” Jackson voice called out. Jackson was followed by the others who quickly crowded around to greet you. With everyone around, you decided to drop the topic and enjoy your time over.

You went off with Jb first, catching up on how he was doing. You couldn’t help but be as annoying as the maknaes and every so often you would tease him until he made his angry jaw. Eventually he “kicked you out” of his room and you moved on to Youngjae where you played with coco and watched him play video games. After him, you hung out with the two youngest boys. You danced with them, took stupid selfies, laughed about new memes (…and reenacted a few memes) and just watched them be stupid for a few hours. Then you left to the kitchen to get some food only to get caught in conversation with Jinyoung. The conversation started with the book he lent you, but then soon changed to Mark.

“So… Mark…” He started off in a low voice considering the fact that your boyfriend was in the other room watching a movie.

“What about him?”

“You guys good now?”

“Um… I don’t know really… I think we are. We just are out of sync lately I guess.”

“Well, let me rephrase this… Are you okay? Cuz if I’m being honest, we are all surprised you are still with him.”

“Why?”

“From the way he has been with you in front of us. How long has he been like that with you, lashing out at you and stuff?”

“That’s the thing! He was never like this before the last tour!”

“Really? So what happened, why is he acting weird? Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“No. I was hoping you would know why he’s been like this. Did he seem fine over the tour?”

“He was fine. He was a bit quieter the last few weeks of it, but nothing out of the ordinary… Well, take that back. There was one day in Bangkok where he was all fidgety and nervous and stuff, but he kept brushing it off and avoiding us.”

You sat up straighter, “What? What happened? What did he do?”

Jinyoung just shrugged at you. “Like I said he avoided us. After that he was just quiet. We all just figured you two got in a fight or something like that.”

You stayed quiet not really knowing what to think. Maybe that detail was nothing, but you couldn’t help but get bad gut feeling over it.

“Oh here you were babe!” Mark smiled as he walked into the kitchen. “I was looking for you. I thought you were still with Bambam and Yugyeom.”

Immediately both you and Jinyoung froze.

Mark went around you at the table. “I’m just getting myself something to eat. Do you want me to make you a plate too?”

You were too busy staring at the back of his head, thinking of what he had done to be so weird, to answer him.

“Babe?” he turned back to you.

Jinyoung slapped your arm to snap you back into reality. “Huh? Yeah ok.” You mumbled, not knowing what he asked.

Mark handed you a plate of snacks. “Here you go! And I’ll be in my room watching a movie. Feel free to join me.” He said as he walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

“…But he seems to be doing better with you today.” Jinyoung said only when he was sure that Mark was in his room.

“Actually, it’s only been last week and today that he has been “normal”, but … ok, don’t tell this to anyone.” You said in a whisper.

Jinyoung leaned in closer to you so you didn’t have to whisper so loud.

“He’s only trying his best because I’m giving him only one more chance. If he messes up again. I’m going to leave him. That is what we were talking about when he came over to my place.”

“Damn. Well, that sucks. I’ve always liked you guys together, so I hope nothing else happens.”

“Me too cuz I really love Mark, but some things are just too much.”

“Y/n… if you guys break up, will you still be friends with the rest of us?” he asked nervously

“Yeah! Of course! You guys mean a lot to me!”

“Y/n!” Jackson voice filled the relatively quiet dorm. He came into the kitchen, a deck of cards in hand and he came right up you, nudging you with his shoulder.

“Yes Jackie?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “I’m gonna ignore the fact you just called me Jackie and I shall proceed to challenge you to a game of cards.” He smiled. “So, want to play poker or speed or something?”

“What are you guys gonna play?” Mark’s voice appeared in the kitchen again. He put his barely touched plate of food on the counter and then came up behind you.  He wrapped his arms around you and just stuck around now that Jackson was in the room.

It didn’t surprise you that Mark came out for you after hearing Jackson calling out for you. You knew this whole having your space with everyone wasn’t going to last long. You gave him the benefit of the doubt though. He hadn’t told off anyone yet about “being too close to you” or “hugging you too long”, so maybe it really was the innocent show of affection.

“I don’t know what we are going to play, all I know is that I am going to beat y/n.” Jackson smirked.

“Shut up! You and I both know I am better at cards!” you spat

“Oh yeah? Well if I remember correctly, I won the last game we played.”

“Cuz you cheated!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Actually Jackson, you did. I was there watching you guys play remember.” Jinyoung said.

Jackson gasped. “I recall no such thing!”

“Whatever.” You stood up from Mark’s embrace. “Looks like I have to show you who is boss again.” You said as you “casually” looked at your nails.

“We will see about that!”

“I’ll watch you guys again, make sure Jackson doesn’t cheat a second time!” Jinyoung said as he followed you and Jackson into the living room.

“…I’ll go too! But I’ll just watch tv. It is boring being in my room.” Mark said as he trailed behind the three of you.

You and Jackson sat on the floor at the coffee table. Jinyoung sat on the couch as the side of the table to get a good view of the both of you. Mark sat on the couch behind you, turning on the Tv but being kind enough to keep the volume down so you and Jackson could still trash talk each other.

The rounds were going, both you and Jackson too into the game to notice anyone else. Jinyoung however, kept notice of everything, especially the sour expression forming on Mark’s face. “Mark you okay?”

Mark only shook his head.

This actually caught your attention. You turned back to Mark. “Baby what’s wrong?” he had an expression as if he were sick.

He only shook his head, not even looking at you.

“Jackson I see you cheating!” Jinyoung shouted.

“What?!? No I’m not!” Jackson screamed.

You whipped around to Jackson. “Hey! Not fair, we have to start over, you cheater!” You leaned forward and took the card out of his hand and threw yourself on the coffee table to collect all the cards and shuffle them again.

Jackson only smiled knowing he was caught.

“Mark, seriously, what’s up? You look upset.” Jinyoung asked more seriously, noticing Mark was glaring about with a tense jaw.

“I wouldn’t be so upset, if my girlfriend didn’t dress like a slut.” He spat.

You froze mid shuffle. “What?” you slowly turned around at him. You couldn’t quite understand how you were feeling because you were so shocked and mad and embarrassed and so disrespected. This what the last straw. “What did you just say?!?” you growled as you stood up.

Immediately Mark looked scared. “Y/n, I- sorry. I didn’t- It just- I”

Without even thinking, your hand cut through the air and you slapped him across the face. You actually slapped him. You slapped him so hard your left a red handprint on his cheek. “Fuck you!” you shouted as you stomped to the door, grabbed your coat and left.

GOT7 POV

Jinyoung and Jackson stared at Mark who sat frozen on the couch for a long moment. It took a long while for everything to sink in.

“…Dude! What-” Jackson shouted.

“Shut the fuck up!” Mark shouted back, before Jackson could lash out at him.

“Mark, why did you say that?!?” Jinyoung shook his head at him.

Mark whipped around at him. “I don’t know ok! It just came out!” he shouted.

“Yeah right!” Jackson said going up to Mark.

“I said to shut up! This is your fault anyway! You shouldn’t have been starinng at her like that!” Mark accused as he shoved Jackson off him.

“What?!? I wasn’t stare at her!”

“Yes you were! I even saw you looking down her shirt when she leaned forward!”

Jackson walked up to Mark and shoved him down, hard enough that he fell back to the couch. “So what if I did?!? You should have gotten mad at me instead of insulting her!”

“Guys! Guys stop!” Jinyoung advised when he saw the look in Mark’s eyes.

“What is going on?!?” Jb’s voice boomed as he ran into the room.

“Mark called y/n a slut and she walked out.” Jinyoung said shaking his head.

JB glared at Mark, “Dude, what?!?” he growled

Then the three remaining members, peeked in from the hall alerted from all the yelling.

Mark could feel everyone staring at him and he hated that. “You know what?!? Fuck all of you!” he got up from the couch and pushed past everyone. In a fit, he locked himself in his room.

“That asshole isn’t even going to go after her?!?” Jackson grumbled under his breath. “Fuck him. I’m going to look for y/n.” he said as he marched out the door.

“Um…What happened?” Youngjae was the only brave one out of the maknaes to ask what was going on.

“Mark is still being weird. He called y/n a slut after he thought he saw Jackson look down her shirt.” Jinyoung explained.

“And y/n just walked out?” Jb asked.

“Yeah, slapped Mark and walked out.” Jinyoung said blankly.

“She slapped him?” Bambam gasped.

“Yup…”

“…That’s not good.” Yugyeom said to himself. “Why don’t we call y/n and see how she is doing?” he suggested.

“No, don’t do that. Jackson is looking for her anyway. The last thing she wants is anymore of us in her business.” Jb said. “Well just let him update us and go from there.”

-Admin Boat

[teamkaiforever]

LESSONS

Kai Parker x Reader word count : 3 644 warning : smut summary : (in the new Prison World) Reader gets sent into the Prison World with Kai. One day Kai comes back and finds out she had sneaked into his room while he was out of the house. *not my gif _______________________

Three months. That’s how long it had been since Y/N had arrived in the Prison World. It was still a mystery to her how exactly that had happened. First few days had been hell for her , with Kai either torturing her using his magic or following her around trying to get her to talk to him. She hadn’t had a clue who he was at first , then he had told her his story. Y/N had ran away , trying to hide from him - it was a big world after all , but Kai had found her.

“I promise I am not going to hurt you. I might annoy you but never hurt you.” he said wrapping his hands around her , ignoring her protests and attempts to get free. “I don’t want to be alone again. Trust me , neither do you. Just give me a chance.”

After that things had gotten better , sort of. Kai still had a bad temper and they often fought over the smallest things like how hot the coffee should be or if the pancakes had been fluffy enough. He had had only one request , though he made it sound more like an order. Y/N was not to go into his room. Naturally Y/N had been always curious about what could be inside that would make him forbid her to enter. Over the following weeks Y/N had started to feel attraction to him. There was something about the way he acted when he was angry that turned her on every time and a couple of times she found herself dreaming smutty dreams about him which only added more to her desire to be with him. That was the case this morning. Y/N walked to the kitchen in her PJ’s only to find a breakfast left for her and a note with her name on it…

Off to the store. Be back before lunch. - K.

Kai had made her her favorite breakfast - chocolate chip pancakes with coconut cream on top and a cup of coffee with steam coming off it. Y/N took a sip , nearly choking when she found out there was cinnamon in the coffee. She loved cinnamon in her coffee and he had made sure the start of the day for her would be perfect even without him around. He was being extra nice to her lately and she had no idea why. A thought popped into her head as she was eating her pancakes , her gaze drifting to the clock on the wall on the left. It was 10.45AM which meant she had time to go and maybe find out why Kai wanted to keep her away from his room. Y/N got up quickly nearly running towards the second floor , taking the stairs two at a time. A minute later she stood in front of his bedroom. For a moment she hessitated , then she placed her hand on the door knob and twisted it. The door had always been locked , but not this time… Y/N smiled to herself , carefully pushing the door open. Kai’s room was pretty basic , a king size bed on the wall straight ahead of the door , a desk near by the window and a walk in closet to the left. As far as she could gather , there wasn’t anything in there he’d want to hide from her. Her fingers trailed his desk and she sat on his chair , spinning it around a couple of times. There were a couple of pencils on the desk and blank parchment paper. The drawers had locks and she fought the urge to try and open them so instead she got up and tossed herself onto his bed. “Woww.” she muttered , her head resting in the softest pillow ever. “Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to left me in here. Cuz he knew I’d want one of those.” she laughed to herself , turning her head around taking in Kai’s scent. It was everywhere in the room , intoxicating her. Y/N closed her eyes for a moment , the dream she had had earlier popping into her mind. In the dream Kai had sneaked behind her as she was getting ready to go to sleep and pushed her onto her bed , crawling over her. His lips on hers , kissing her without letting her take a breath for more than a second and then his hand had pushed into her PJ bottoms teasing her for a few minutes before his fingers had entered her… Sadly for her the dream had ended in the middle of nothing when the alarm clock had woken her up. Without realising it Y/N hand slid down her stomach and into PJ bottoms , her fingers lightly rubbing her swollen clit. It had been nearly 2 hours since she had woken up , yet the feeling was still there and the dream had felt so real. Her eyes fluttered closed , a low moan escaping her lips. Her other hand squeezing her breasts through her shirt. Y/N had no idea how long she had been there and then suddenly the feeling of someone’s eyes on her made her open hers. Kai was standing by the door , looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Y/N froze for a second , pulling her hand out of her PJ’ bottoms and getting off the bed quickly with a terrified expression on her face. Kai hadn’t expect to find this when he got home , not exactly anyways. The past few weeks he had been the one sneaking into her bedroom in the middle of the night , manipulating her dreams. He didn’t know what those feelings he had meant , all he knew was that he wanted her…and he had fought the urge to grab her and have his way with her in the real world for weeks now. But this changed everything. Y/N hadnt even realised he had returned and just kept teasing herself onto his bed. Every moan tumbling off her lips making Kai want her even more. He had to yet again fight the urge to whoosh himself on top of her ,pin her hands over her head and fuck her senseless.

Kai hadn’t said a word to her , his eyes following her every move as she made her way to the door. Kai had blocked her way and didn’t seem to have any intension of letting her go through it. Y/N kept looking at the ground. “Oh sweetheart , don’t look so scared and ashamed.” said Kai in low calm voice. “I am not angry you got in my room without permission. However …” he lifted her chin up and she noticed his eyes were black. “… I am quite upset you teased yourself on my bed.” he paused for a moment , his fingers stroking her cheek in a loving way. He wanted to be the one touching her like that. “I … I um… I’m sorry.” she said , panic starting to take over her.There was no way to tell what he’d do next. “It won’t happen a-again.” “You are right about that , sweetheart.” he said with a devilish smirk. “I am going to make sure of that.” Y/N looked at him with a puzzled expression than took a step back from him , then another seeing how he wasn’t moving from the door. When she was halfway back to the bed , Kai stepped towards her and she tried to run past him but he used magic to shut the door and lock it. Her hand was on the door knob , the other on the door trying to open it. In the end she rested her forehead resting against it and then she felt someone behind her. Slowly Y/N turned around coming face to face with Kai , who didn’t look angry at all. He was looking at her as if she was his pray. Kai braced his hands against the door caging her in , slowly leaning towards her. “Sorry for closing the door like that.” he said in a low voice. “I just can’t affort to let you go. Not yet anyways.” Kai listened to her heart beat and her breathing both of which had changed completely in the past half minute. Her eyes were darting between his eyes and his lips , then she blinked fast a couple of times and swiftly sneaked under his hands. He smiled to himself , turning around and grabbing her by the waist before in a flash he pushed her onto his bed , leaning over her , making her drag herself up until her head hit the headboard. Kai standing this close to her , looking at her the way he did - with a mix of seduction , anger and domination - was driving her nuts. She could feel herself getting wetter by the second.He brushed his fingers through her hair for a moment. “What are you going to do to me ?” “I am going to teach you a lesson , sweetheart. You can’t break the rules without concequenses…” Kai slid back off the bed pulling her hips down. Y/N shifted on the bed and he pinned her back onto it with magic , holding her hands over her head. He popped up in his closet for a moment coming out with a thin rope and tied her hands to the headboard. “You didn’t think I’d let it slip because its the first time did you?” his voice low and seductive. “No , no , no …” He snapped his fingers and her clothes / underwear went flying off her body torn to pieces , leaving her completely exposed to him. He bit his lower lip at the sight of her on his bed. It was finally real , not a dream he had given her. Kai leaned over Y/N , burrying his head in the crook of her neck leaving wet sloppy kisses which slowly he turned into purple splotches. Kai’s finger trailed agonisingly slowly down her naked body towards her heat. His fingers teased her folds for a few moments , spreading her arousal around before he pushed two fingers inside her , watching her throw her head back. Y/N bit her lip trying not to moan out. Kai’s thumb rubbed her clit in figure eights , the pressure getting harder by the second. “Kai … ” she moaned out. “I’m s-sorry.“ “I know you are sweetheart … but lets not pretend this isn’t what you wanted to happen.” he whispered to her. “I bet you’ve been dreaming about this , haven’t you ?” Y/N gulped. How did he know ? She tried to think of a moment she had slipped up but couldn’t focus on anything besides him right now. His lips hovering over hers , his fingers curling inside her slowly , exploring every inch before he pulled them out and pushed them in again and again at a faster pace. A soft moan tumbled off her lips and she could see Kai’ smirk hearing it ,pushing and curling his fingers inside her faster every second. The louder her moans were getting the more he speeded up his actions and just as she was about to cum he pulled his fingers out leaving her stranded on the edge. “What the …” “Oh , sweetheart..” Kai tilted his head , “You didn’t think I’d let you cum did you ? You are not going to cum until I say so.” Y/N pushed her hips down at him looking for any kind of friction , but there was none. She closed her eyes for a moment remembering the feeling of Kai’s fingers assaulting her , his lips on her body .. “Please Kai …” Instead of finishing her off , Kai leaned over her , his lips hungrily kissing hers. Y/N opened her mouth wide open , allowing his tongue to explore her mouth. She moaned into the kiss , his hand snaking around her neck squeezing it lightly for a moment as he left kisses down her neck and onto her chest. Taking in her breasts into his mouth , moaning as he did so. Kai’s hands squeezing them and rolling her nipples between his middle and index fingers. Y/N arched her back off the bed a little , a louder moan escaping her lips. “Please …” she begged again and again , as his lips trailed down her stomach leaving kisses and wet splotches on their way to her heat. He rubbed her clit in rough eights for a few moments , while leaving soft kisses on her tights getting closer and closer to where she needed him most. Kai enveloped her swollen clit in his mouth sucking on it while roughly pushing in two fingers inside her without any warning. Y/N let out a small scream at the feeling, her back slightly arching from the bed. He curled his fingers inside her , exploring every inch before pulling them out all the way to the fingertips and pushing them in again. Y/N moaned out pushing her hips down on him. “I want to touch you..” she cried , pulling at the rope tying her hands to the headboard. “Please let me touch you.” “No.” said Kai sternly. “Naughty girls don’t get to make demands sweetheart.” Her walls clenched around his fingers , a louder moan escaping her lips. Somehow Kai had found her g-spot and almost each time he pushed in his fingers , he hit it. His tongue flickered on her clit for a moment before he blew a light stream of air onto it getting her even closer to the edge again. “K-Kai … I’m clo-se” she moaned out , her eye lids flittering open and closed catching glimpses of Kai’s face. He looked at her with such lust and domination it turned her on even more…and just as she was about to get her release there was nothing. Kai shoved his wet fingers into her mouth , watching her gag and trash under him a single tear rolling out of her eye. She didn’t know how , but this gesture turned her on even more. “Did you think I’d let you cum this time , princess? Tsk tsk .. No , no…” his voice dropping a few octaves. Kai pulled his fingers off her mouth leaning in towards her. “What kind of a lesson would that be?” He traced down her body with his fingers , lightly rubbing on her clit for a moment getting her back a step from the edge before denying her her release once again. “Please Kai ..” she begged. Kai shook his head. “No.” His hands cupped her breasts , squeezing them tight rolling her nipples in between his index and middle finger before he pressed the flat of his tongue onto them. “Please Kai .. I need you. ” she begged again. He growled and looked up at her , purple black veins under his eyes showing for a few seconds. Y/N hadn’t realised how hot he looked when his vampirism showed. Kai lightly rubbed her clit before pushing his fingers inside her again , this time three fingers stretching her out a little. He couldn’t help but think how good it would feel when he got the chance to fuck her the way he wanted - so rough she wouldn’t be able to walk for days. Or maybe he’d play nice the first time. He hadn’t made up his mind yet. “Kai ..” she moaned out his name as for 4th time he got her to the edge and denied her the pleasure she craved. Except this time he left his fingers inside her. “Please what sweetheart ? You want to cum ?” Kai was enjoying this , she could tell. If only she hadn’t had been pinned to the bed… “Yes .. please let me cum… ” His fingers curled inside her again once then stopped again. Kai leaned over her , their foreheads almost touching , his eyes gazing into hers as he curled his fingers inside her once again. Y/N bit her lip , her eyes rolling in her head. He was driving her insane - playing with her like that , making her crave him more and more… All she wanted was him , right in this moment. “Please Kai…” she begged him again. “Fuck me.” Kai grinned hearing the words he had been waiting for her to say. His fingers curled inside her again , pushing and pulling at a faster speed , his thumb rubbing her clit in rough eights right before he pulled away again , getting off the bed stripping off quickly and getting onto the bed again. Kai parted her legs , leaning in burrying his face in her core , his tongue sliding inside her while his nose lightly brushed against her clit. “Please..” she begged as he suddenly stopped again. He pushed two fingers in , curling them inside her cheating with vampire speed pumps. Y/N threw her head , arching her back a loud moan following as he slowed down for a second and picked up the pace again. She was almost at the edge , half afraid he’d deny her the pleasure she craved again , half afraid she’d cum before he had told her to. “MMmm cum for me baby girl.” he said , his tongue flickering across her clit for a second before his lips began sucking on it again. “Kai Fuckk” she moaned out as a strong wave of orgasm washed over her. All the built up pressure getting released at once making her scream out his name. Kai kept devouring her , not stopping or slowing down for a second , pushing his fingers inside her again cheating using his vampire speed as he thrusted and curled them insde until another release came. Y/N trashed and screamed his name , suddenly realising he had used his magic to undo the rope tying her hands. He pulled himself up and just as she thought maybe she could get some control , Kai pinned her wrists over her head again , his grip so tight there would definitely be bruises the shape of his finger tips. His fingers stroked her cheek gently. “Sweet innocent Y/N…” he whispered. “I’ve been wanting to make you mine for weeks … now there is no way I’d ever let you go.” “Then don’t.” she whispered. After what he had done to her in the past hour , she never wanted to be away from him. Kai teased her entrance with his hard lenght , pushing just the tip inside of her and pulling out then repeating again listening to her moans. Without warning he thrusted in deep , making her body jolt forward. He was filling her to the brim. “Fuck Kai.” she screamed out. He pulled out almost completely and then thrusted in even deeper with bigger force than before making her scream out again. Kai breathed heavily , intertwining his fingers with hers as another hard deep thrust followed. He was going in a slow pace , stretching her out before picking up the pace. Every thrust knocking out the air from her lungs leaving her wanting more. Her mouth hanging open , gasps and moans escaping her lips. “You’re so tight..” grunted Kai. He thrusted in deep , hard and fast over and over again. Kai wrapped his hand around her neck , holding her in place while swinging her leg over his shoulder. Y/N held onto his wrist for support as his hard length pumped inside and out of her going in deeper than before bringing her closer and closer to another release. Being with Kai in the real world felt much more magnified than what had happened in her dreams. Her mind was cloudy but a part of her was starting to wonder if those dreams she had had been all part of her subconcounce or maybe something else. “K-Kai , I’m clo-se..” “I know sweetheart , so am I… ” he grunted , his thrusts getting sloppier but never slowing down. Kai’s hand reached to rub her clit , drawing rough figure eights on it , turning her moans into little screams. Y/N’s walls contracted more frequently around his shaft making him groan each time that happened. She was a whimpering moaning mess , her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Her back slightly arching from the bed as she came screaming his name and trashing under him. Kai’s eyes were on her the entire time , a smug smirk on his face hearing Y/N scream his name again. Her orgasm triggering his. “Fuck..” Y/N felt Kai come in hot spurts inside of her, his thrusts not slowing down until he was done. He released his grip on her neck leaning in to kiss her , taking the last of her breath away before collapsing on top of her. Kai was breathing heavily , his hot breath tickling her skin. He placed a soft kiss onto her neck , feeling his fangs come out. There had been another thing he had wanted to do , all of his self control slipping away as his emotions blurred into hunger. A split second later Kai sank his teeth into her coroted artery , Y/N’s nails digging into his back as he fed from her. “That feels amazing.” she whispered. Kai rolled off her looking at the ceiling for a moment before turning towards her. Y/N had already turned towards him , her eyes gazing into his. There was blood dripping from his chin , her blood. “So sweetheart… Did you learn your lesson?” Y/N nodded , she had learned a lesson. Except she was sure it had been the wrong one.A few days passed and Kai had gone back to acting the way he had before their intimate moment , then Y/N sneaked into his room in the middle of the night snuggling closer to him. Kai had had his eyes closed and Y/N had assumed he was sleeping but then in a flash he was on top of her , his hand on her neck. “I guess I haven’t learned my lesson as well as I thought …” she trailed , seeing Kai smirk at her. “Care to refresh my memory ?”

MASTERLIST March / April 2017 MASTERLIST MAY 2017 MASTERLIST June 2017

[makknays]

forbidden love.

requested by wjishing-jimin 

hiii,,,can i request supernatural au! with jimin?Jimin as a ghost and y/n as a human but they end up falling in love? 

genre: ghost!jimin / fluff /angst??? i never rlly know

word count: 2472

a/n: i lied I'm posting today :) also idk how i feel about this, i changed what i perceive as a ghost that he's pretty much just a shapeshifter in this but oh well(?) i hope y'all lovelies still enjoy this <3

It was my first time being here in Seoul, I transferred here to study, as well as gain cultural knowledge on South Korea. After moving out from the dorms in my first year here, I had to find somewhere to live that wouldn't cost too much but was still nice to be in. Finally I settled with a small flats on the outskirts of Seoul.  For the first couple months in my new apartment I kept hearing sounds and the whole place seemed somewhat shady, but I kept thinking: maybe it was just the neighbourhood. But an incident occurred that made me change my mind.  

"Hello? Who's there?" I called, with a frying pan in my hand, I thought there was an attacker in the flat. "Hello?" I called, louder this time. "Okay, I can hear you you know, so just come out.", I walked closer towards the noise but no one was there, all I saw was a silhouette but no person.  

"I'm sorry." a voice called but nobody was attached to it. "Who are you? And where are you?" I asked the voice the owner of the voice. "I'm Jimin, I'm around the corner. I'm sorry I scared you, it’s just this was my home and I don't have any more, I don't have much anymore.” he replied. Slowly, I made my way round the corner, increasing my grip on the frying pan, but to my dismay there was no one there. I looked all around me, I felt someone's presence but I couldn't see anyone. "I'm here." I walked closer towards the voice and saw him.

"You're not alive, are you? Is that why I can't see you very well?” "You got me there, I lived in this place while I was alive but I ended up in it accident that cost me my life, now here I am, haunting this very place, the first place I called my own home. I didn't expect them to just rent out to another person, but I'm glad the party was as beautiful as you.” he smiled as stood in front of me. "If it's not too much, can I ask you what accident you were in?" "Do you remember hearing about that crash on the motorway that involved five different cars and a van? Well, I was caught up in that and didn't make it out alive." "Wow, I'm sorry. That's horrible, but if I'm honest with you, I don't really believe in ghosts." "Well you don't have to believe in me, but I'm here and as real as you are.” 

As the days passed, Jimin and I coexisted with one another, having a conversation every now and again. Today another conversation was due, it was dinnertime, so I sat at the table with my dinner and waited for him. “What's the hold up?” Jimin asked as he appeared in front of me. “I was waiting for you.” I told him. “Why? You know I don't have to eat to survive, right?” he chuckled. “Yeah, but I wanted someone to talk to.” “Aww, did you miss me?” he laughed as he ‘sat’ down on the chair opposite me. “Don't flatter yourself, also how the fuck can you touch objects but not humans or animals?” “Don't ask me, I didn't make the rules.” “Ugh, you're so annoying.” “Why? Don't get annoyed at me cuz you lack human contact! I can't do much about that!” he laughed as he brushed his hand through his hair that seemed like it would have been soft and silky when he was alive. 

“You don't have to rub it on, you know.” I poured as I ate my dinner. “I'm sorry, why don't you go on a date then? Since you didn't deny it.” “I don't feel like it, no one’s nice enough.” I told him. “Well, what kind of guy do you like?” he asked me, as if he could do something about it. “Someone who cares, like actually, and doesn't just want sex or some stupid thing from me. Someone not too bad looking but not so amazing that he has new girls everyday. I guess, someone who just gets me, but there's no one like that.” “Maybe, you're looking at the wrong guys.” 

2am. I had a lecture in 5 hours but I couldn't put my mind to sleep. There were just too many thoughts circling my brain. Why was it that I couldn't find someone for me? Why was it that no one seemed to get me? Was I really looking in the wrong place? What did Jimin mean? 

“Something keeping you up?” “You can't just appear like that and scare me!” I said, clutching my chest from the shock of his appearance. “Sorry, what are you thinking about though?” “How lonely I am, how I can't keep a man, if I really am looking at the wrong guys. I guess, just, stuff.” I told him, as I sat up to lean against the headboard. “Well, don't beat yourself up over it. It doesn't matter if you find him or not, I'll keep you company for the time being, you won't need to feel so lonely then.” he smiled as he sat down beside me.  

He turned to look at me and pulled me into an embrace, which shocked me. “I thought you couldn't touch me!” “I lied, oops.” “But how? There's so many questions, this makes no sense. How does this physically work?” I continuously asked. “Who cares about physics, I’ll be here for you no matter what and if you ever need me, I'll be around the corner, literally.” he said, smirking at me when he pulled away from the hug. “You're gross, have you ever watched me change or even worse, shower?” “I'm flirty, not a perv.” he chuckled as he lifted himself from the bed. “Good night.” he smiled as he closed the door behind him and all trace of him disappeared.  

I was out running errands, very much leading my mundane life; I needed to grab some things from the supermarket before I could finally return home. I was minding my own business in the fruit and veg section when old ‘friend’ approached me. “___, hey! What are you doing in South Korea?” she asked me as she grabbed some spring onions. “I study here.” I bluntly replied and moved on in order to look at the strawberries. “You can’t still be annoyed at me about taking Sam from you, right? We’re not even together anymore.” “No, why on Earth would I still be annoyed about that?” I sarcastically remarked before Jimin reappeared. “You’ve got to stop randomly appearing!” I whisper shouted. “Sorry, it just seemed like you were having trouble, I can sort this out!” Jimin smirked. “You’re not human though?” “Leave this to me, trust me on this one.” he chuckled before disappearing again. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at what this boy could possibly be up to. 

“Hey, what’s your name?” a familiar voice loudly asked, I turned to view the commotion and saw none other than Sam but he had Jimin’s voice, oh God, no, please tell me this was a dream. “Sam, what are you doing here? Why don’t you remember my name?” “Sorry, sweetcheeks, I never really cared to get it in the first place.” he chuckled as he walked towards her. “We were in a one year relationship and you don’t remember my name?” she screamed, tears clearly forming. This was cruel but also payback that she deserved. “C’mon, that can’t be a dealbreaker, I cheated on you so many times and you’re not making a fuss over that!” “You cheated on me?” “Stephany! Stella! Susan?” “Get away from me!” she cried as she ran out of the store. 

“That was cruel, Jimin. But definitely a good show.” I muttered as I walked towards the empty cereal aisle. “I know, right? Aren’t I great?” “Why though? Why did you do that?” I asked him as I grabbed my favourite cereal. “I have my reasons, you’ll see one day.” he chuckled before ruffling my hair and disappearing once again. “Such a cruel guy.” “I’m still here.” “Oh my God, fuck off!” I almost screamed. “Cutie.” 

“You’re seriously going on a date with some smartass from your class?” Jimin asked, disapproving of the date. “Yeah, is there a problem with that?” I laughed as I smoothed out my dress. “No, not at all. Just that he has the shitiest of personalities on Earth!” “Stop being dramatic!” “He just wants to get into your pants though.” he whined as he shifted into my date and made fun of him. “Wouldn’t you wanna if you were alive?” I joked. “Dude, I literally can, as long as you consent, I can touch you, remember? I can do anything a human can, just can’t die…” “Besides the point, Jimin, I have a date. Do I look good?” “No.” “I’ll take that as a yes; I’ll be seeing you later.” I smiled as I left the flat and entered my date’s car. 

“___, I’m glad you could come on this date with me, I’ve really wanted to take you out for a while now.” he smiled as we made our way towards the restaurant. “I’m really grateful, Joohyuk.” I told him as I focused on the road. He placed his right hand on my thigh and turned his head to briefly look at me, I took his hand in mine and exchanged a smile. The chemistry between us was amazing, but I was definitely jumping to conclusion. 

When we arrived at the restaurant, Joohyuk was more than a gentleman, but soon came off as sexist and snobbish. “I told you he was annoying.” a voice whispered when Joohyuk excused himself to use the toilet. “He just wants to get into your pants.” “How do you know that?” I asked, not wanting to lose the argument despite knowing Jimin was right. “He’s calling his mate right now and talking about what he’s going to do to you later tonight.” “I hate you.” I muttered but Joohyuk had reappeared when I muttered that. 

“You hate me?” he chuckled. “Sorry, my roommate is being kinda annoying.” “Roommate?” Jimin muttered. “I was unaware that you had a roommate, tell me more about her.” “She is a he, and he’s just being clingy tonight because he’s ill. I think I’ll have to go back home to take care of him soon.” “Really? Are you sure you have to take care of him? I mean isn’t he a grown man?” Joohyuk asked me. “He’s caught something really bad, he’s been throwing up and he’s really unwell; I actually reluctantly left today.” “But do you have to take care of him?” “He could die and you’re asking if I really have to take care of him?” “Sorry, I wanted to get some tonight! I really thought you’d let me get into your pants!” “You’re just like the rest of them.” 

When I left the restaurant I was greeted by Jimin as alive Jimin. “You know, you should morph into your actual self more often. You were cute and better than that jerk in there, who is glaring at us and we best run.” I laughed as I started sprinting down the street in heels. “Lemme grab those heels, wear my shoes.” “Why do you even have shoes?” “Physical form, remember? You literally just complimented me on it.” “Oh shit yeah.” I laughed as we exchanged shoes. “Wow, your roommate is so sick! You could’ve just said you weren’t down for me, you know?” Joohyuk called from behind as he made an effort to catch up with the two of us. “Take my hand.” Jimin laughed and continued to run in the direction of home with me. 

“I wonder if he’ll ever forgive me.” I laughed as I changed into my pajamas. “Does it matter if he doesn’t?” Jimin chuckled. “Human you is nice.” “I am always human me and I’m always nice, ___.” “Ok sorry, alive you. And you aren’t nice when you’re jealous. Do you perhaps like me?” I joked as I pretended to gasp. “What would you do if I did?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, not much, but there would be many consequences since you’re not actually alive.” “What do you mean consequences? I asked what you would do if I liked you not if we were together!” Jimin pointed out, bursting into laughter but I could share his laughter. What would actually occur if the two of us fell in love? We were already halfway there with these stupid emotions that developed inside of me. The date? That was to get Jimin off my mind but it only brought us closer. 

I was walking through a local park, trying to clear my mind of the many thoughts that were racing throughout it but nothing helped. Not the freshly polluted air of Seoul, not the birds chirping at 6am, nothing. “What’s on your mind, sweetie?” Jimin asked, moving closer to hug me from behind. “Stuff.” “Stuff?” “Stuff.” “What stuff?” “Us kinda stuff.” “What do you mean us, ___, what are you trying to say us?” Jimin asked as he released me from his embrace. “What if we fell for each other? What would the consequences be?” “Well, I can answer the first question. If we fell for each other, we would be very in love and you would be taken care of like a queen because that’s what you are to me. I would love you forever and ever.” “Jimin--” “I know, you’re scared, I know you’re trying to comprehend your emotions but you don’t need to think too deep, do you like me?” “I like you, a lot more than just like.” “Okay, the feeling’s mutual so let’s just take it from there?” 

7am, Seoul, South Korea, time to wake up. I woke up and entered the bathroom and prepared myself for the day ahead. It was going to be a hopefully relaxing day, no worries, no stress, just relaxing. “Hey, sweetie. I was gonna make you breakfast but you already woke up, so let’s make you some together.” I had gotten used to this voice every morning for the past year of my life and wasn’t going to change a thing about it. “What about you?” “Did you forget? I don’t need to eat.” Jimin chuckled as he walked towards me and wrapped his arms around my torso and placed his forehead against my own. “I love you.” I smiled as I placed a kiss on his cold but soft lips. 

[puppyluver256]

Some art tips from a big ol’ nerd

I saw that “art tips that aren’t really appropriate tips” post going around so I thought I’d make a list of art tips that generally help me and I would like to pass on to you. Keep in mind that a lot of these are going to be subjective and conditional, so if they don’t work for you then that’s a-okay.

1 - Try new things often

Nothing gets the art mind working like drawing things you’re not used to. I’m not saying you have to always be drawing something that makes you uncomfortable, just on occasion draw something you’re not used to. For instance, say you’re really big into Super Mario, and more often than not will draw the plumbers (specifically Mario and Luigi) and princesses over other characters. Try to change it up on occasion by drawing Wario and Waluigi, who make for interesting subjects with their exaggerated anatomy. How about Bowser or one of the Koopalings? Even Toads with their simplicity are a nice departure from the same-old-same-old.

Of course there are those times when you just wanna doodle out something that you know practically by heart, and that’s fine. Just keep in mind that changing it up every so often will help to keep your skills sharp.

2 - The right tool for the right time

Any medium of visual art (at least, any that doesn’t involve bodily waste or blood imo) is viable for use in the expression of your vision. You can use any tool you want for your art, regardless of what a lot of people seem to think. This applies to both traditional and digital media. “Don’t use crayons, it’ll make your art look like a child drew it!” Bullcrap, I’ve seen some lovely pieces by professionals drawn with crayon. “You shouldn’t use the bucket fill tool, it’s lazy.” Bullcrap, that’s how I get things done so quick. “If I see any of you m-f-ers airbrushing in your work, I’ll kick your ass.” Well, it’s a good thing my ass has so much damn padding, your foot better be warmed up to make good on your threat ‘cuz that’s how I do most of my shading. Regardless, the point is that it’s not about WHAT tools you use in your art, but rather HOW you use them to create what you want people to see.

The only “must” I would throw at you in regards to tools is in regards to traditional painting, and that is in the maintenance and care of your brushes. Always wash your brushes when you’re done, ALWAYS, regardless of what type of paint you’re working with. Acrylic paints turn to plastic once dry, rendering your unwashed brushes completely useless. Oils are a little more forgiving in the “rendering your unwashed brushes completely useless” regard, but will permanently stain your brushes unless washed properly (which I recommend doing with dish soap, it really helps get the paint out of the bristles). Also, for digital artists, learn your keyboard shortcuts. It saves SO much time.

3 - When to use reference

Reference is often crucial to draw something accurately. “No ref” isn’t really the bragging right that most people seem to think it is. I mean, I still use reference with drawing my own characters! You should almost always be using reference, especially when drawing something you don’t draw very often. For example, if your horse drawings always come out looking like they have macaroni for legs, you’ll want to look up reference images of proper horse leg anatomy.

However, sometimes you want your subject to look a bit off. If you’ve ever seen the Adventure Time episode where Finn and Jake are watched overnight by a horse that has some “wacked-out poo brain”, you’ll know that that horse does not look like a normal horse, or even horses and equine animals as normally portrayed in other Adventure Time episodes. There’s a good reason for this, and the fact that this horse looks so strange plays well into its role in that episode. The point being, reference is almost always a good tool to have on hand, though sometimes you want to go off-model for a specific experience.

4 - “I can’t yet”

This is more of a psychological tip than anything to do with actually aiding in art improvement, but I find it works rather well in encouraging one to improve. When people say they “can’t draw” something because it doesn’t look right to them when they do even with reference (as opposed to, say, not being able to draw something because it makes you uncomfortable or there are too many prying eyes over your shoulder all the time), I personally feel that they might be preemptively limiting themselves.

For example, similar to what I mentioned in the reference part, I have confidence issues when it comes to even semi-realistic equine anatomy. However, I never (at least not anymore) say anything along the lines of “I can’t draw horses very well.” I instead say “I can’t draw horses very well yet.” The “yet” is important, it implies to both me and anyone listening that I am working on improving this area of drawing and will someday be able to properly draw horses. Same with any drawing weakness: hands and feet, babies, cars, buildings, trees, what have you. You’re not bad at drawing these things, you’re just not practiced in drawing them. Just because you can’t draw them yet doesn’t mean you will never be able to.

5 - Have confidence.

No art tip can be more handy than believing in yourself. Everyone’s going to have bad art days, where nothing looks like it’s coming out right. Everyone’s going to try to draw pieces that they end up feeling were more than they could handle. This will happen to every artist, guaranteed. But you can’t just give up because you’re having a bad string of art, or because you were a bit overambitious. I forget who said it, but to paraphrase the quote I can only remember the core message of, everyone has 100 bad drawings inside them and you’ve just got to get them out.

Don’t like how that portrait you were working on all day/week/month came out? Reminisce on that kick-ass swirling galaxy, mystical forest, superhero dog, or whatever you did a while back and remember you can do it. A little bit disappointed with your latest piece but see some really good points about it that you like regardless of how you feel about it overall? Good, focus on those bits and think to yourself “hey, that part of the piece is good, it makes the rest of it worthwhile.” You can do it. You have hard work and practice, and those together make talent. That’s all talent is, the results of practicing and working hard.

That’s been some art tips from your local nerd, keep these in mind and happy arting to all. :D

[stolenbythegods]

Why do you feel like nobody likes you? You seem really nice.

Thanks nonnie, that means a lot. 

This is probably going to get very long, and I know nobody asked for it, but I feel like maybe having an explanation as to why I’m insecure might help? Or not, there’s the possibility that nobody will care, but just in case, I’ll explain. 

I’ve been RPing on this site since 2013, and in that time I’ve had a lot of experiences. Most good, but there are a few bad experiences (3 major ones specifically which i will be talking about) that have ultimately contributed to the anxious mess I am today, and why I don’t approach people even though there are a fair few people I really would like to interact with.

The short version, for those that don’t wanna read through heaps of text, is this:

-I was strung along and eventually ignored by somebody I looked up to who couldn’t just tell me they didn’t want to interact.

-I was blocked by somebody I considered a friend for reasons I still do not know. 

-I was accused of copying somebody else’s OC which resulted in me losing a ‘friend’ and ultimately made me quit writing for almost a year. 

If you want more detailed explanations of what happened in each experience, you can find them under the cut. Warning: It’s very long. Feel free to ask for clarification if things seem unclear. There’s also a bolded part at the end which you can read that kind of… ties things together, I guess?

The first experience is the reason for my ‘Don’t ignore me’ rule. Back when i was still fresh to this site and didn’t know how things worked, I came across this amazing marvel OC, and I fell in love with the writing. They were my first ‘tumblr senpai’, as the term used to be. My mind was blown when they actually followed me back, and I was very excited to write with them. So I did the logical thing and sent a message. They responded positively; I was over the moon. We had one or two very brief interactions, and I guess those were enough for that person to decide they didn’t want to interact with me. Now, if they had just come out and said that, things would’ve been fine. Yes, it would have hurt, but I would ultimately have understood and moved on. Instead, they strung me along. 

Any direct requests to interact were responded to with excuses about them not having the time for new threads, which does happen, so I understood, but they ultimately promised me that we would interact when they had the time. But after a while, I noticed the memes I sent in would go ignored, unless they were just headcanon stuff, and despite saying they were busy, they still had time to interact with new people. I still gave them the benefit of the doubt and guessed maybe tumblr was eating asks, or they just didn’t know how to respond or initiate a thread with me. It only clocked with me that they were avoiding attempts at interaction and ignoring me when I responded to a short open starter they posted, and everyone who replied to it got an answer except for me. This was the point I realised they didn’t want to interact with me but just didn’t want to say anything, possibly as some odd way to avoid hurting my feelings. Now you might be wondering if this was me pestering somebody I followed, but I just want to say that me and this person were mutuals right up until I realised what they were doing and made a PSA saying if you didn’t want to interact with me, then you should just tell me instead of being rude and ignoring me. After that, we stopped being followers and I pretty much did everything in my power to make sure I didn’t have to see them on my dash ever again because I was hurt.

Their intentions may have been somewhat innocent in that they didn’t want to hurt my feelings by rejecting me, but ultimately they hurt me far worse than a simple ‘I’m sorry but I don’t feel like interaction is going to work between us’ ever would’ve. In fact I recently discovered this experience still has an effect on me, because that same person crossed my dash just a couple of months ago and It felt like I had been punched in the gut and I had to take a moment to just breathe. So yeah. This experience enforced the part of my anxiety that now tells me that just because we are mutuals does not mean they want to interact (even though selective following is now a thing).

The second experience happened not long after the first. I had followed this blog, and we had a bunch of threads going together. 4, maybe 5, and we were in each other’s inboxes a lot with memes or just general shenanigans. One day we were talking, can’t remember what about (followers? I think? something to do with followers idk) and they suddenly disappeared off my dash. I though tumblr had just freaked out, but after realising they were no longer following me, it dawned that I was blocked. Now, I was still very much an ‘assume the best in people’ kind of person, so I messaged them on a different blog like ‘Hey, i think you may have accidentally blocked me?’. No response. I tried again, and nothing. I was… very confused, and was starting to feel a sense of dread. So i messaged a mutual friend/follower and asked them if they could find out what was going on. She also got nothing out of them, this person was essentially ignoring all mentions of me. Now what I did next might not have been smart, but I was very upset. I messaged them once more on another blog, asking them to please just tell me what I had done wrong. Maybe I should have just moved on and gotten on with shit, but I had thought we were friends and I wanted answers. I never got them. This experience is the reason why I constantly fret over whether or not people actually like me, and why I’m always afraid that one day everyone is just going to turn around and start hating me. 

The third experience was the most recent, and by far the worst. So In 2015 I got a message from a ‘friend’ of mine. I had been on hiatus for a while because I had been feeling insecure and had decided to fall back on some older methods of RP and take a break from the tumblr RP community. I had just gotten back, when they messaged me stating that a person they had started roleplaying with while I was away with had noticed some similarities between her OC and mine. Now, I had no idea who this person was prior to this. So I was very confused, and I said as much. My ‘friend’ went on to say that this person thought I had stolen her OC and that they also agreed, and also that the time I made my blog had been about the same time this person had decided to go on a long hiatus. Now the similarities were this; We both had the same FC, both our characters had abuse in their background, they were both UK born, and they both had interests in cooking careers. I thought this was fairly weak evidence, and said as much. They then countered that there was one more thing I had ‘stolen’ from this person and they sent me an image. And I was shocked. 

You see, when I had still been in college, one of my assignments had been to make a floorplan of a vet surgery. Now because I suck at drawing, I found a pretty nifty site called floorplanner.com. And while working on my assignment, my brain piped up and said ‘hey, we could use this site to make a floorplan of our OC’s apartment!’. And I thought that was a great idea, so I did it. Now, the image my ‘friend’ sent to me was none other than that very floorplan I had made. The person accusing me of plagiarism was claiming it was theirs. I said no, I definitely made the floorplan, and I was responded to with information about the exact date the person had saved the image to their computer. Not only did I send a screenshot of my account on the site and the floorplan itself open in the floorplan creator, I also countered with an image showing that the date I posted the floorplan to my blog preceded the date the person saved the image to their computer, but I was brushed off by being told ‘dates can be edited’ (yeah, cuz I’m totally smart and skilled enough to do that??). 

Anyways, by this point, I was extremely upset. I talked about it on my blog, but I did not mention names or URLs. I was then told my accuser was apparently getting anon hate (though they never posted any) and their friends kept coming into my inbox to tell me to ‘call off my followers’. One even made a public post and tagged me in it. I was beginning to get really stressed out, so I messaged my accuser and asked if we could just talk about this privately. I got no response, but they did make a lovely public post about how I was being emotionally manipulative and that they had 0 doubt I had copied them and about how they were so hurt by this whole thing. 

I asked my ‘friend’ why they didn’t believe me even though i had at the very least proven the floorplan was mine, and their response was that ‘of course they were going to believe the person who talked to them every day over me, who didn’t talk to them very much’. Looking back, I realise this ‘friend’ was not good for me at all. My reasons for not talking to them came down to a few things. First, I did not feel safe talking to them about my depression. The one time i did, i got some rather intensive comments. And you remember the break from tumblr I mentioned earlier in this story? I had spoken to them privately about it and explained my reasons had been I wasn’t feeling the most welcome, and that I needed some time away. They decided to take this as a personal attack, and when I had updated them about what was happening with me on the other site, they kind of flipped out and accused me of shitting on something they loved (tumblr) because I was criticising some of the uglier parts of the RP community (cliques, elitism, anon hate, the stigma towards OC’s over canon characters etc.). After that, I didn’t feel like I could talk to them, so I kind of stopped.

After all this had happened, I tried to move on with things. But the fact is, it really affected me. My ‘friend’ was, and still is I believe, a very popular RP blog with a lot of weight. My accuser had a fair few friends too, and my name had been slandered about. I removed all links to the blog this happened on from my other blogs out of fear, but even then I felt scared. Every blog I wanted to follow would be checked first to see if they had any obvious connections to my ‘friend’ or my accuser. If they did, I would make note of them, their other blogs, and the main people they interacted with all to avoid the chance of somebody knowing me and deciding to bring the shitstorm back up again. Eventually, i was so scared that I just… couldn’t find my love of writing anymore. It was tainted by anxiety, and I finally made an announcement on all my blogs; I was quitting. I didn’t delete my blogs, but I made the message clear that it was no guarantee that I would ever come back. 

I made that post in September 2015. It was only after reconnecting with a very old RP partner back when I was still new, that I finally was convinced to come back to tumblr in May 2016. My writing quality had fallen during my hiatus, because I barely wrote at all for the majority of those months. It still isn’t what it used to be, and the style varies wildly from day to day. 

These experiences, along with some milder ones, have ultimately shaped me into the anxious mess that I am now. My anxiety constantly reminds me that friends can turn on you, and that sometimes people might just be being polite when they compliment me or seem willing to interact. I do try my best to ignore it, but there are times it overwhelms me. It’s nothing personal to the wonderful people who follow me, it’s just my own inner demons that like to torment me. I found my love of writing again, and I would like to be the confident person i once was. I just need.. patience, honesty and some people willing to put up with my awkwardness.

This is horribly long and I’m very sorry, but I hope maybe it cleared some stuff up about why I am how I am. I’m open to more questions, if anybody cares enough to ask lmao. 

[thedeliverygod]

so I’m gonna do something I haven’t done in a looong time! I’m gonna go back and take this survey (now called a meme I guess lol) that I did back in 2008 and compare answers for funsies

here we go~ bold answers are current answers. 

Do you think that you are a good singer? sometimes/yeah sometimes lol. sometimes not. Are you sure of your sexuality? sure./ yup, I’m asexual. At the time I took this before I thought I was just heterosexual and weird lol. Do you love your parents? yeah/ mhmm.  Do you think that you are smart? not really, more like average./ uhh. For some things yes, other things no. I seem to have a little bit of knowledge on a wide variety of things. Are you pretending to be someone that you're not? no./ nopeee.  Do you like to read? yeah/ I do but it’s hard to find things to read.

How often do you talk on the phone? like once everyday for a tops of like 5 mins./ uhh not very often at all. probably once every few days at most. Are you a local celebrity? definately not./ lol yeah no. Also I’m glad I finally learned how to spell definitely after so many years of struggling with it.  Is your mom awesome? yeah/ she has her moments that are good but she also has her bad moments Are you a pottymouth? no./ not really but I curse now, unlike when I took this survey in 2008 lol. Do you think that you are a good writer? I am! ^_^/ eh I’m alright. There’s plenty of people who are more talented than me and I wish I could have their talent brush off on me lol but I enjoy writing a lot so I won’t quit. What was the last compliment that you got? I dunno./ hmmm I dunno. I get ‘cute’ a decent amount I suppose.  What does your home phone look like? we don't have one./ idk just a standard home phone lol silver and black. What was the last hoodie that you wore? don't know./ idk but probably my black hoodie from American Eagle that says “NYC” on it.  What grade are you in right now if you are in school? eleventh./ I graduated college in December 2014 so it’s been 2 years since I got my bachelor’s degree (and I still have no full time job yay lol) Do you eat candy daily? haha no./ ummm almost? lmao. I kinda constantly keep chocolate around. Name a song from this artist/band: 

Paramore: decode/ misguided ghosts Cartel: if I were to write the song/ save us My Chemical Romance: ghost of you/ Black parade I guess haha Teddy Geiger: night air/ same song lol Three Days Grace: over and over/ Animals? haha The Rocket Summer: Aerosmith: dream on. Mika: popular with Ariana Grande (wow he was around back then? I had no idea) Cute Is What We Aim For:   Avenged Sevenfold: darkness surrounding/ I don’t even know anything by this band anymore lol  Fall Out Boy: thnks fr th mmrs./ hum hallelujah  Have you ever moved to a different home? yeaaaah/ yeah a decent amount Have you ever switched schools? just graduating from them./ same’s true now. Started at UNCG and graduated from UNCG.  Do you like to go swimming? when it's warm outside./ yeah but I hardly get the opportunity to go anymore. Have you ever been to camp? no, not really./ not an organized summer camp, no. I’ve been traditional camping (in a tent and an RV) though, yes. Do you have a pet, if so, what? yes. 2 dogs, 3 cats, and 2 finches./ aw the finches I miss them. Um I’ve just got Kairi, really, and then my dad has 3 cats. My mom also has 2 cats and a dog that I used to live with so I kinda consider mine still too. Do you have trouble spelling certain words? haha yeah. Disappear is one I spell wrong often./ plenty but I can’t think of any on the spot.  Do you get nervous with public speaking? yes./ hells yeah Do you know the words to your myspace song? yep./ lol myspace is long gone.  What is your favorite TV show? don't watch TV./ Prison Break & Scrubs for traditional TV (live action). Noragami for anime.  Do you know anyone with a really weird name? not really./ nah What are you going to name your kids? Cameron or Landon [I remembered that name today and I love it] annnnd Kayla or October. I don't care if the name October Melody sounds emo/goth, it's beautiful./ I don’t plan on having biological kids and therefore don’t really plan on naming any kids. I do really love Yukine’s name though.  Are you taken? no./ nope, single once again Do you fight with your parents all the time? no./ no, I’ve fought with my mom a few times now that I’m older but it just ends in me getting into panic attacks so I’m good. Is your tongue pierced? no./ nooo. I don’t have any piercings and don’t ever plan to. Are you in pain right now? no./ no but I wish this cold would go away What are you doing tomorrow? homework./ dunno but I should really do laundry.  Where does the last person you kissed go to school? n/a/ he graduated in 2014 as well. Who do you blame for your bad mood today? no one/ myself if I had one but I think today has been relatively neutral.  What was the first thing you did this morning? watched the ending of A Walk to Remember cuz my mom was watching it in the living room. haha./ the same thing I do every morning. Check all my emails, facebook, tumblr & LINE all on my phone XD Do you care of what people think of you? to a certain degree./ hell yeah. I’m surprised I said ‘to a certain degree’ back in high school. I’ve always wanted to please everyone. Who was the last person you took a picture with? *shrug* / oh I had a picture taken of me at work recently, I think it was was Jake.  Last person you went to the movies with? Holt/ a whole group of my friends went to see Finding Dory in IMAX. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week? forward./ definitely forward.  What are you looking forward to right now? christmas break./ Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue on Tuesday~ Do you miss someone? no./ I always miss someone these days but oh well.  Where was your default pic taken? here./ in my work parking lot  Your current relationship status? single/ single Does your crush like you back? n/a/ same thing, n/a What is your current mood? eh, neutral./ yeah pretty much the same lol If you could go back in time and change something, would you? no./ I wanna say no because it could change some of the good things that happened to me but at the same I wish I could do a few things differently in terms of school. Have a crazy side? haha not really./ it’s more like I have a weeb side.  Ever had a near death experience? not really./ yeah kinda.. Something you do a lot? sing./ write and live on the internet lol Angry at anyone? nah./ our “president” and his chosen administration How many people have you liked in the past 8 months? I haven't! blahhh./ my ex boyfriend before and shortly after we broke up, that’s it. I mean if I think about it too much today I’m sure I can still get really sad but overall I’m okay. What did you do today? nothing much yet./ not much tbh lol  Where will you be 12 hours from now? dunno./ probably right here on this couch Have you ever been to a tanning bed? nah. /nope not interested. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward? not really. / what the hell??? was I really more self confident in high school or was I just extremely unaware? Yes. It is extremely easy for others to make me feel awkward lol. Where do you wish you were right now? *shrug*/ in my own apartment. Does anyone hate you for no reason? not that I know of./ not for no reason. but nah I don’t think anyone truly hates me. we’ve just had some disagreements about things like homosexuality.  Have you ever kissed someone who's name starts with the letter B? no./ still on. have only kissed one person. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it back? hah yeah. / yeaaaaah but for most things it’s been so long I don’t even care anymore. My creative writing teacher didn’t give me my favorite book back lol but I bought a new copy and I hope he continues to use it in his classes.  Today did you hug a person you have feelings for? n/a / there’s no person I have feelings for but I also I haven’t hugged anyone lol What was the first thing you thought this morning? I dunno. what time is it? / “I feel like I can probably go back to sleep but maybe I should get up.” *looks at clock* “holy... how is it 11:47???” Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it? yes/ yeah How is your day so far? alright./ it’s fine. Do you want to go to college? yeah./ been there, done that. Kinda would like to go back but pretty sure I can’t.  What's your favorite season? summer. / still true.  When was the last time you cried and the reasons? I found a letter my Dad wrote me a while ago when he didn't leave here. / because of all of my self-doubt from not having a full time job yet along with negativity stemming from all the terrible things that can happen with Trump now in office including losing my healthcare.   Have you ever talked to someone when they were high? yeah./ yeah I guess so What was your favorite grade? 7th grade. haha. or last year, I guess./ probably 12th grade. But college was the best.  Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted? yeaaaaaah / yeah. It took me a minute to remember what I was talking about when I answered this the first time but yeah.  Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? sure yeah./ a lot of my friends probably would but idk if I would want them to 1.Do you like to brag? sometimes but not usually. / I guess if I can do it without coming off like a jerk? lol I like to feel proud of myself.  2.What do you do when you are alone? think. haha. / write, edit videos, play video games, watch movies. idk I do a lot of things alone.  3.Would you go out wearing sweats? I don't like sweatpants much, but I would if I had some I guess./ definitely. 4.What color is your coat? blue. / I have a black one and a green one.  5.Does it bother you when people don't call you back? sometimes. / depends. Most of the time it’s a relief I guess haha 6.Is their ever a legit reason to smoke? no, there's not. / no not really. smoke in any form is bad for your lungs.  7.What was the last movie you watched? the end of A Walk to Remember. / ummmm. War Horse.  8.Where is the last place you went to? Fayeteville, my grandma's house. / my work.  9.What made you laugh last? Taylor and her texts I guess lol. / I had Noragami paused and it was just the baby from the 1st episode of Aragoto just floating in the air this big burst of light underneath him and idk it was hilarious 10.Have you ever done drugs? no. / still no, not interested in the least.  11.What show do you watch the most? none. / noragami.  12.How are you feeling right now? content. / okay, but my eyes and my stomach kinda hurt a little bit.  13.What season is your birthday in? spring. 14.What color eyes does the person you like have? n/a 15.Do you wear polos? no. / I do for work but that’s it lol 16.What color are your socks? no socks. / black 17.Do you like going to the dentist? lol noo. / hells no. I haven’t been in quite a few years now cuz I know they’ll just yell at me about my wisdom teeth which have already grown in.  18. What is the best thing about hugs? *shrug*/ they’re warm and comforting? lol idk 19.Who’s birthday is coming up next? my Dad's. / Mine I guess 20.Do you like kids? yeah / I like kids but I’m super awkward with babies.  21.Do you wear glasses or contacts? neither. 22.Are you listening to music? goin' back to cali--Sevendust. /nope, have Law & Order SVU on the TV.  23.What do you think of sex before marriage? sure. just make your old enough to handle the consequences and I obviously believe that you should be in love. / have at it. Just be prepared with birth control, condoms, etc. I retract the statement about love since even though I don’t really understand the want for casual sex, I realize it’s something a lot of people do want.  24.Do you and your dad have a good relationship? ehhh. mostly./ yeah it’s better now.  25.What color is your toothbrush? blue. / still blue haha 26.Do you believe in god? yeah / I believe in a god but probably not the one this survey is asking about. I don’t believe in a god that has any sort of interaction with humans/impacts their lives. I basically believe god is a culmination of all the energy in the universe.  27.Do you wear chapstick? nope./ yes, I need it especially in winter. 28.What is the last thing you bought? I dunno. oh wait I bought sodas for me and my mom. haha./ cat litter, cupcake hersey’s kisses, and cold medicine.  29.Is there anything/anyone that you hate? sure I hate things like racism and etc. oh and OCD Christians. I hate how Religion causes so many issues as well. /I mean yeah I hate people who are judgmental and hateful towards people and treat them as less than equal for any reason. Also I apologize for my past use of OCD.  30.Are you currently craving anything? nah. /nope I’m good.  31.What color is your clock? don't have one. / silver.  32.What time do you usually go to bed? 10: 30 on weeknights, whenever I feel like it on the weekends. / it used to be 1:30 AM but it’s been more like 2:30 AM lately.  33.What do you eat for breakfast? nothing or blueberry poptarts./ nothing.  34.Dog person or cat person? probably cat person but I like both. / both. 35.Something you can't wait to do? road trip. haha. / go to Animazement this year, go to the KH Orchestra World Tour in June~  36.Last thing you put into your mouth? coke./ mountain dew probably 37.What band did you like as a kid? Backstreet Boys and Nsync, duhhh. 38.Do you have a piggy bank? I have a like 3 gallon water tank thing that we store change in haha. / same thing lol also I have a box full of coins too.  39.What time is it? 4: 04 pm / 7:44 PM 40.Do you forgive and forget? forgive, I don't really forget. / I try to forget if I can but it depends on the issue I suppose.

wow this was way longer than I thought RIP. but that was interesting to say the least.