#i love Villanelle too

[carmilllaofstyria]

me : It's pride month. time to ship my favourite gay couples in shows

someone: the last of us, good omens, our flag means death and what we do in the shadows?

me: no. hannigram, villaneve, rhaenicent and loustat

[oksanas-sun]

[junkartie]

My slightly irritating quirk is that if im watching a show and an important character annoys me enough ill straight up get so enraged that ill look up weather they die or not and if they do ill hate watch it until then or just stop watching all together no matter how far ive gotten.

[merevide]

thinking about killing eve again. thinking about eve. and her inhabitions and how she was so repressed and unfulfilled and her only true escape from that was her extensive research into female assassins and through that and getting fired and then rehired she meets villanelle and they basically bring out the worst in each other obvi but that’s also kinda their best selves because all villanelle wants is to be understood and that’s also what eve wants but she denies and denies and denies and she basically keeps denying everything until it’s too late and she’s left alone, again, screaming out in the water.

[emotinalsupportturtle]

Just saw an edit of Alec Hardy and Villanelle and they were so cute

I don’t necessarily ship them I just really want to see them interact. Also they'll make a pretty fire team

notwithstanding that Villanelle would probably give Alec approximately 10 heart attacks per minute, they'd probably vibe (or destroy the world) I know they seem like opposites and they kind of are, but here's why it would work. They're both antisocial (in their own way), depressed, dramatic disasters, both kinda naïve lost puppies despite being very cynical. They are HELLA sarcastic, don't take shit from anybody and somehow are actually good at their jobs (I do realize this might be a problem).

Villanelle will annoy the shit out of Hardy and Hardy will be all grumpy and that seems like comedy gold waiting to happen. Also just IMAGINE the two of them taking the piss out of somebody together

does anyone see my vision? anyone??

bonus - imagine Alec and Eve passive-aggressively roasting each other and Villanelle co-conspiring with Ellie (Millah!) to get Alec to eat

[aezyrraeshh]

; OCS AS CHARACTERS

i was tagged by @aartyom @devilbrakers @risingsh0t and @florbelles; thank you so much <3

rules: take this quiz and share 5 (or more! or less! the world is your oyster!) results from the top 50 that you feel really fit your oc(s). if you don’t recognize very many from the top 50, feel free to expand into the top 100.

tagging @arklay @cybilbennettgf @calenhads @nokstella @aelyosos @nuclearstorms @reaperkiller @girlbosselrond @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine @unholymilf @shadowglens @swordcoasts & anyone else who wants to do this!

silco - arcane (a lot of thoughts)

katniss everdeen - hunger games

amy elliott dunne - gone girl (yea..)

kaz brekker - shadow and bone

gus fring - breaking bad

also: asha greyjoy (got), and, apparently the the alien from, well, alien LMAO

amy elliott dunne - gone girl (both sasha and candy??? even more thoughts)

love quinn - you (🤨)

beth harmon - the queen's gambit

villanelle - killing eve

dr. hannibal lecter - hannibal (yes, just yes)

olenna tyrell - got

mel medarda - arcane (i can see it, i can see it)

patrizia reggiani - house of gucci (uh-huh)

azula - avatar: the last airbender (uh-huh x2)

jennifer check - jennifer's body 

[dilfsuzanneyk]

starting to understand thomas’ struggle with poetry a bit bc i told myself “okay i’ll get a first draft of my free verse out tonight” and ended up with three parodies and NO free verse.

[wandanatsgf]

Masterlist

WandaNat x Reader

Sugar, Sugar AU

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (ongoing)

summary: After losing your job, you are desperate to come up with some money. Your best friend Kate signs you up for a sugar baby app where you meet Wanda and Natasha, who eventually become your sugar mommies.

Wanda x Reader

Lovers, Vampires, Strangers Part 1 Part 2 (ongoing)

summary: this story starts in the year 1850. You and your girlfriend Wanda are happy together. You have everything you could ever want, until she secretly turns you into a vampire. After a horrible accident, you leave her and that life behind. Now 173 years later, she's come to ask you for help.

While You Were Sleeping

summary: You work for the transit authority as an attendant in NYC where you see glimpses of Natasha everyday as she waits for the subway. You slowly gain a crush on the woman and fantasize about crazy things like marrying her or being in love with her, but you know realistically that would never happen. It’s just a way for you to pass the time. One day while waiting for the subway Natasha is mugged and left unconscious, which leads to a case of mistaken identity at the hospital where they assume that you are Natasha’s fiancée. You become caught up in everything and become too scared to tell the truth. Pretty soon you're hanging out with Natasha's family, but the longer you hang out with them, the more you fall in love with them, and especially one person in particular.

Right Where You Left Me

summary: Wanda is your maid who you fall head over heels for. But like all good things, you knew it wouldn't last. You knew your life was already decided for you, but that didn't mean you couldn't enjoy your time with her while it lasts.

Why Won't You Love Me

summary: You can tell your relationship is falling apart, but maybe there's still some hope for it.

Pray and I Shall Answer Thee Part 1 Part 2 (complete)

summary: Night after night you pray to the goddess of love with no response. After years of doing so with no answer, you become an unbeliever. Only after you have forsaken her does she make you a believer again.

Family Lines

summary: Your relationship with your family has never been good, but after Wanda insists on going to see them you can't say no. You watch as she falls for their charm until their façade cracks.

Mommy's Milk

summary: Wanda tricks you into sucking on her boobs and you get a shocking surprise

Natasha x Reader

Scream

summary: After the gruesome murder of your fellow classmates, Jean and Charles, everyone is on high alert. The police tell everyone to stay inside, but your friends decide a party is just what you all need. It's not like the killer will be there, right?

If You're Gonna Lie

summary: you know she's cheating, but you'd rather hear her lies than leave her

Drunk and Needy

summary: after a night of drinking you cling to your girlfriend Natasha

Do You Like Me Baby?

summary: Natasha teases you after you lie and tell her you don’t like her

I Can Fix Her (No Really I Can)

summary: Your girlfriend catches you talking about how soft she has gotten in front of her gang members. She has a reputation to protect, so she’s determined to prove you wrong

Kate Bishop x Reader

Taking Care of Her

summary: Kate comes home after a rough mission and you take care of her

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart part 1 part 2 (complete)

summary: You know you're not her only lover, but as long as she stays with you you're content with ignoring her infidelity.

You Don’t Go To Parties Anymore

summary: Kate looks for you at her birthday party and then remembers she ruined the relationship the two of you once had

Yelena Belova x Reader

Mac and Cheese

summary: After eating mac and cheese for the past few nights, you get sick of it. Your girlfriend, however, does not.

Villanelle x Reader

Date Night & Murder

summary: What a date night between two assassins looks like

[milunalupin]

Hi! It’s so cute what you’ve written about Regulus. Could I request a blurb about Regulus being so smitten with reader that he pretty much forgets how to breathe and therefore never answers whenever she talks to him? Either with them already dating or just being classmates ☺️

Hope you have a lovely day!

sorry for the wait lovely, i hope you enjoy !! :)

— take my breath away

regulus black x reader ★ 1.1k words

Divination is shit. A complete load of dragon shit. There's no hard research behind it, no factual information, just conclusions based off of feelings. Regulus doesn't understand visions and wanting to know what's to come. He's has his future planned out for him, so what were tea leaves and crystal balls going to do for him?

Continue the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black family legacy, be the perfect son and the top student in every class. Easy enough for Regulus, except for being 3rd in Divination because he "lacked natural aptitude". How ridiculous. Lucky for him his parents were far more focused on him doing well in Charms and Potions than reading tarot cards and interpreting dreams.

The one thing he doesn't mind seeing during this period was you, someone he could never dream of having the pleasure to call his. You weren't born into a pureblood family, and weren't even close to rivaling him academically. He doesn't ever recall seeing you at a quidditch match either, at least not when Slytherin was playing. With your effortless beauty and blinding smile, he's confident he would have noticed you among the others in the stands.

Regulus doesn't know when he started to crush on you, it just kind of happened. One day he started to notice small things about you, from your baby blue nail polish to your lavender perfume that did everything but calm his heartrate. He would pass by your table on the way to his own and see you reading what he assumed to be muggle poetry. The quiet Slytherin would look for those same muggle poetry books in the library late at night. He liked it when the sun sometimes shone right on your face, your eyes squinting and nose scrunching adorably. You would often mumble haikus and villanelles to yourself during class, plush lips moving quietly as you stared out the window, in your own world.

Just like today, you hovered over your parchment, your quill moving in a way that it was obvious that you were not taking notes on the lecture being given. The professor noticed your distracted state, calling your name out. "Please tell us all what ovomancy is."

"It's.. erm.." you giggled nervously, your face flushing with embarrassment. "Sorry Professor, I wasn't paying attention."

Regulus held back a lovesick sigh, smiling to himself as you continued to doodle on your parchment as soon as the professor sighed and turned their back. As lucky as he wished he was, he wasnt daft enough to believe he was your only admirer.

Edgar Bones was a charming guy. Regulus wonders what was so funny about him that he had you giggling behind your hand, his knuckles turning white as he gripped his quill a little too tight. Every table was assigned a different method, so while he and his partner were busy taking notes on capnomancy, you and Bones were having fun with palmistry. The bitter Slytherin supposed the smoke he felt coming out of his ears meant jealousy, watching Edgar asking to hold your hand to see if he can read it that way.

"Merde, ça n'a rien à voir avec.." he hissed, his anger turning to yearning as he craved to be the one holding your hand.

Ah, less-- less bright

Are the stars of night

Than the eyes of the radiant girl!

And never a flake

That the vapor can make

With the moon-tints of purple and pearl,

Can vie with the modest Eulalie's

most unregarded curl-

Can compare with the bright-eyed Eulalie's

most humble and careless curl.

Regulus Black feels pathetic, writing love notes like a little schoolboy. Especially if his parents found out he was quoting muggle poetry. But there he was in the corner of the library, copying down yet another poem to leave on your table at the beginning of your next shared class.

He arrived early to Divination, quickly setting his folded parchment on your table and then sitting at his own. It's been weeks since he began to anonymously leave you poetry, too shy to talk to you face to face. You always read the letter and put it into your school bag, so hopefully you were keeping them and not tossing them out later when no one was watching. Regulus' knee bounced under the table as the other students started to file in, his eyes darting between the door and the folded parchment he left for you. He decided to get started on his next letter, hunching over his parchment to get the words just right.

Regulus was too distracted by perfecting his penmanship to notice you walk into the classroom and watch as he gently placed today's poem on your table. You smiled to yourself and went to your seat, tracing your beautifully written name with your finger. You had felt flattered when you first started receiving the letters, assuming that it had been your flirty class partner Edgar, but quickly realized that he wasn't the type to do such a thing.

"Your cursive letters weren't this perfect when you first started leaving me poetry, have you been practicing for me Regulus Black?"

Regulus gasps a little too fast, choking in surprise at your discovery. He turns away to cough into his sleeve like the proper boy he is. You grinned at the young heir, picking up his newest letter he had been working on.

His eyes widened and frantically waved his hands, trying to take the letter back but you held it behind you out of his reach. "You don't have to read th—"

"Shut up Regulus."

He placed his hands back in his lap, his ears burning red as you read his letter in front of him, the corners of your mouth turning upwards. Regulus felt himself holding his breath, knowing he had to say something now or sit there looking like a fool. He took a quick breath and kept his eyes on the parchment as he rushed his words out. "Perhaps, we could go to the library one day and read poetry together?"

He shouldn't have looked up because he felt himself lose oxygen again when he saw your enchanting self was smiling cheekily down at him.

"Or we could go down by the lake and you could read me some of your favorites?"

Regulus agrees with a shy nod and makes a mental note to use the Bubble-Head charm in case he forgets to breathe. He'll forget all about the charm later when your head is laying sleepily on his shoulder as he recites old poetry from his journal.

[asoftepiloguemylove]

Wendy Cope Summer Villanelle / Clementine von Radics Mouthful of Forevers / Pierce the Veil Caraphernelia / Erika L. Sànchez Spring; Lessons on Expulsion / Yves Olade Bloodsport / 방탄소년단 BTS 134340 / Taylor Swift All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's Version) [From The Vault] / pinterest / Mahmoud Darwish Memory for Forgetfulness (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi) / Car Seat Headrest Happy News for Sadness / Amanda Rose I Don't Think People Love Me / Taylor Steele Shocker

[forbescaroline]

EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER THAT I LOVE (in alphabetical order) VILLANELLE - KILLING EVE I have real trouble telling the truth. I don’t understand the concept, actually, but… But somebody told me it was important, so here goes. Most of the time, most days I feel… Nothing. I don’t feel anything. It is so boring. I wake up and think ‘Again? Really, I have to do this again?’ And what I really don’t understand is how come everybody else isn’t screaming with boredom too… I try to find ways of making myself feel something more and more and more, but it doesn’t make any difference. No matter what I do, I don’t feel anything.

[queerjesusthelord]

Sometimes I think about how depressed and lonely Villanelle must have been her whole life. The only thing she was passionate about was killing in her artistic way and wearing fancy clothes. Luxurious things. Adrenaline and fast endorphins.

Before meeting Eve she had felt bored and numb. When she wasn’t doing her job she needed to stay low, invisible – to be invincible. She could afford everything but still – it was crucial to be a loner. Those brief sexual encounters could hardly be counted. Even in the books, her character was constantly disguising herself, making "friends" to seem like a socialite and occasionally having sex to control these people who might be useful. She even seduces her therapist to feel power over her. 

But as soon as she gets what she wants, she gets bored and doomed again. It's very sad and depressing to be rejected by the world, by her family, by society. Deep down, she knows that even by controlling things, she can't be happy. Eventually she admits that this isn't the life she wants, that she feels like shit all the time, and the only person she feels something with is Eve.

It's actually Konstantine too, so we have to admit that Villanelle isn't just obsessed with Eve, she's actually capable of being in relationships with a few people. It doesn't have to be a crowd, a small family is enough. Konstantine is family. And Eve is her passion and love, her soulmate, her crush who actually turned into a real thing.

I love that even in her boredom and depression, Villanelle admits that she has feelings for Eve, and she tells her the truth, all the time, since her hilarous breaking and entering in Eve’s bathroom. She doesn't lie to Eve, she doesn't need to, because she believes that Eve can really understand her on a deeper level. This means hope, and hope means the future. Villanelle believes in her future, in their future with Eve, and it's wonderful, isn’t it? It's her way of accepting life, embracing her feelings, and her ability to love someone else. 

There’s nothing like “playing cold” in their story like in most of the movies and romances. It’s just Eve being in denial, processing feelings she has, having a hard time embracing her shadow part (and she prefers things to be buried, as we remember). Well, this process needed time, and Villanelle was waiting. It was hard for her too, because sometimes she felt disappointed and hopeless and god, she hated that so much! That’s why she tried to run away and get over Eve several times. She’s only a human, after all. 

But in the end they both “get the achievable”, after they work on their relationship. Finally they can be happy together, left alone in a room and be committed to each other.

And that's exactly what Eve is talking about, using the metaphor of Kintsugi on that damn ship.

[rottenimagines]

Midnight Stalker

Summary: a sad Villanelle sneaks into your bed in the middle of the night.

(Little disclaimer: English is not my native language, but I try my best, I promise x.)  

.

.

On any given night, while you are sleeping peacefully in your bed, a strange noise wakes you up. At first, you think it was just your imagination and close your eyes again, until, all of sudden, a hot breath hits the back of your neck and someone wraps their arms around your waist...

.

.

You sit up immediately and turn on the nightstand light.

Next, a cry of surprise escapes your lips.

‘‘What are you doing here?!’’

Villanelle is there, lying next to you; looking directly into your eyes with a scowl on her face; as if you were the one bothering her!

‘‘Why are you being so dramatic? You should be glad to see me,’’ she rolls her eyes and sighs. ‘‘I didn't come to kill you, Y/n. At least, not yet.’’ 

You look her up and down: she's wearing a dark gray two-piece suit. Although it does not seem that she hides any weapons under it, you can never tell with that woman.

‘‘I'll ask again. What. Are. You. Doing. Here?’’

Villanelle rolls her eyes again as she sits up right in front of you. Her face dangerously close to yours. Actually, she seems very tired, almost like she's...sad?

‘‘What? Can't a girl spend a night with her best friend?’’

You sigh and rub your sleepy eyes. Next, you speak in the most assertive way you can manage at this point, trying to keep your composure so as not to make her angry.

‘‘Villanelle, I've told you a million times. We are not friends. We are... nothing. And you can't break into my home in the middle of the night just like that!’’

She looks around the bedroom, as if your little scolding was boring her to death. 

Her voice is slightly drier as she speaks again.

‘‘Oh please, Y/n. Don't be such a killjoy. I could have come to kill you instead, wouldn't that be worse?’’

Before she gets you a chance to response, she is already wrapping her arms around your shoulders and makes you lie down again. She snuggles with you, like a baby. You have her blonde hair in your face now. All of this is too surreal to be true.

...

‘‘Villanelle... what are you doing?’’

‘‘I know, so cute, isn't it? This is called cuddling. People do it when they're in love, or at least, when they're close. You know, for besties like us.’’ She teases with a hint of playfulness in her voice.

You spend the next few minutes very still, staring at the ceiling, with her body against yours.

...

‘‘...Villanelle?’’

‘‘Hmm?’’

‘‘You... okay? I mean, you look...’’ you clear your throat, ‘‘well... you look a bit tired.’’

There is an awkward silence. 

Villanelle takes a deep breath before speaking again.

‘‘I'm all but fine, actually. Tired, confused, frustrated...’’ She raises her head off your chest to stare at you. Hers gaze remains as dead and distant as always.

 ‘‘And... I have a really strong urge to kiss you, right now.’’

There it is: Villanelle and her ability to leave people speechless with her ‘out of place’ comments.

You look down at her face as if to say ‘are you serious?’, to which she responds by nodding very slowly with a mocking pity face.

‘‘Oh, I see. And... you see yourself able to control it?’’ This time it is you who teases her.

‘‘Nop. I don’t think so.’’

And, in a flash, you have her on you, kissing you. At first, it is gently but, feeling not resistance from you, she increases the intensity. She holds your head strongly as she pulls you even closer to her.

 The feeling of her tongue in your mouth is more than enough to snap you out of your trance; so after a few seconds, you push her away abruptly.

A little flash of annoyance creeps over her face.

‘‘Come on, Y/n, you obviously like it! You must have felt something. Don't lie to yourself. Just admit you want more.’’ She whispers in a seductive tone of voice, bringing her mouth closer to yours.

‘‘Villanelle, no offense, but right now you're just the crazy stalker who just broke into my home in the middle of the night... You understand how weird this all is?’’

She rolls her eyes and pulls back. She definitely is thinking you're being a pain in the ass right now. 

‘‘And you’re the boring one who didn't call the police or shoot me, or anything. You just stayed in your bed, shaking in fear and letting me do whatever I want with you.’’

She enjoys watching your startled face at her words, because, worst of all is that she's right... 

What the hell were you thinking?

You jump out of your bed instantly and gesture for her to leave.

‘‘Get out of my home. Now’’ You try to speak with confidence, but everything is so ridiculous that you barely sound convincing to yourself.

The smirk on her face goes wider.

‘‘What, so suddenly you find your voice?’’ She mocks.

‘‘I’m serious, Villanelle. You have 10 seconds to get your ass out of my bed or I’ll call the police.’’

Although you start counting out loud, she stays right where she was, looking straight into your eyes with her annoying smug smirk.

‘‘Go ahead, I'm waiting...’’

You glare at her, skeptical. What the hell is she up to now? 

‘‘I just want to know if you'll actually do it or not. So...’’ She encourages you with a wave of her hand.

Her eyes gleam with excitement when she sees how you don't move a muscle.

‘‘And I thought I was the weirdo here...’’ She keeps trying to provoke you.

At last, you step up towards the phone, waiting for her to do something to stop you; but she doesn't.

 You grab it and start dialing the number, but not before giving Villanelle a last warning look. 

She keeps watching you from your bed, impassive. She is trying to see if you actually have the guts to go through with it.

'Your last chance', you whisper to her with the phone already in your ear. But she doesn't move, she doesn't speak. Her eyes tell you all that there is to say: 'go ahead'.

.

.

.

Finally, you end up hanging up the phone with a frustrated grunt. She gets away with it, as usual. 

Villanelle's face lights up with wicked excitement as you put the phone back where it was.

‘‘Ha! I knew it! I knew you like me so much!’’

You roll your eyes at her. 

‘‘Look, you want to stay? Fine; stay. But you have to promise me that you'll be good.’’

She raises an eyebrow. ‘‘Define ‘good’ ’’

 ‘‘Don’t kill me in my sleep.’’

Villanelle nods, as if she was really considering all this as something serious.

‘‘I can promise no killing... for now. Deal?’’ She smiles like a happy little girl.

You look her up and down once more.

‘‘First, show me that you don't have any hidden weapons.’’

She gives you a mock offended face as, reluctantly, gets out of your bed and opens her jacket for you; showing no hidden weapons under it.

‘‘... Happy?’’

You ignore her and start frisking her from head to toe, to which she responds with a snort.

‘‘Do I have to ... you know, remove my clothes too?’’ She scoffs, but her mischievous mood quickly fades when sees how you keep frisking her in silent.

‘‘Y/n, believe me; if I wanted you dead, you'd be already dead.’’

You keep ignoring her.

Once you’ve made sure she doesn't have any hidden weapons, you go back to your bed, quietly.

Villanelle stands there for a second, then she takes off her jacket and lays down next to you, just like before, with a small, playful smirk on her face.

‘‘I won't kill you, I swear.’’ She whispers in your ear as wraps your waist, holding you close.

She waits for a moment to see if you’ll continue speaking, then speaks up herself again. 

‘‘Isn't this nice? No killing, no guns, no knives... nothing dirty at all. Just us, the bed and nothing else.’’

‘‘Oh yes, quite a fairy tale... Now, sleep!’’ 

‘‘I’m trying...’’ she rests her head on your chest and closes her eyes. ‘‘Your heartbeat is ... loud.’’

 At last, it seems like she starts to nod off. 

‘‘It's like a drum...’’

 Her voice is soft and sleepy, barely above a whisper now. You're not sure if she's even talking to you specifically anymore.

‘‘...Can you feel my heartbeat too? Hmmm... 

My heart's beating just for you...’’

[upat4amwiththemoon]

I havé no idea if I asked this already but if I did I apologize😭 Could you do a villanelle x readers where the reader already has a child from a previous relationship please?

A package deal

Summary: It’s either both of us or neither of us.

Pairing: Villanelle x fem!reader, fem!reader x daughter

Warnings: none

Word count: 667

a/n: short and sweet

Tags: @sayah13

masterlists | guidelines

“Are you excited to meet her, bubs?” Y/N smiles to the small girl of five she is holding on her hip as she walks down the busy street.

The small child holds onto Y/N’s shoulder, her eyes wandering around all the different people walking past them. She’s always been curious about her surroundings. “Yes, mama.”

She lets out a shaky breath, giving her daughter a small smile. She’s glad to see her happy and clearly more confident than she is feeling. Y/N is absolutely terrified. Villanelle knows she has a daughter, she’s more worried about her changing her mind, deciding that raising her girlfriend’s daughter would be too much.

“Okay, bubs.” Y/N slows down her steps as she sees the right cafe in front of her. “Do you think Villanelle is already there? Maybe she’s just as nervous as us.” She’s glad she can use her daughter as an excuse to talk things through out loud.

The small bell rings when Y/N opens the door. It’s a small family owned cafe, one filled with books and flowers.

“There she is.” She whispers, pointing at the blonde sitting at the corner table. Taking a one last deep breath, “let’s go,” she walks to the table. “Hi, honey.”

Villanelle stands up the instant she hears Y/N’s voice. “Hi.” Her eyes are wide, moving between her girlfriend and the small girl in her arms. “Hey, should- should I hug you?” Her already strong accent is even stronger now.

With a giggle, Y/N sets her daughter down on a chair, pulling Villanelle into a short but warm embrace. Then she lifts the girl again, “this is Villanelle. Remember when I told you about her, bubs? She’s mama’s girlfriend.”

“Hi, ‘nelle.”

Somehow Villanelle’s eyes widens even more, and a bright smile grows on her face. “Hey. Aren’t you a cute one?” She takes hold of her small hand, giving it a shake.

“Mhm.” The girl giggles, kicking her feet in the air.

Y/N smiles as they all sit down. “I already ordered.” Villanelle states from the lack of drink menus. “I hope that’s okay. I know what you like, and you- you’ve told what your kid likes so…so I ordered for her too. We can order something else if she ends up not liking it-“

“Villanelle.” Y/N reaches over the table, taking hold of the woman’s hand. She finds her nervousness endearing, especially since Villanelle is usually the confident one. “It’s okay, I trust you to order for us.” She giggles.

She lets out a breath. Of relief most likely, but she’ll never admit to being nervous. “Mama loves you.” The small girl speaks up after their food and drinks have been brought over.

“I love your mama too.”

Giggling, she looks up at Y/N. “I love mama too.”

Y/N gasps, nuzzling her nose against her daughter’s cheek. “And I love you.” She murmurs, her gaze moving between her daughter and girlfriend. “You know we’re a package deal, right?” She gives her daughter a colouring book with some crayons to keep her occupied while she has a more serious conversation.

“I know that.”

“If you don’t want to be part of her life, if you don’t like her or if she doesn’t like you, if you hurt her in any way…I’m out.” Villanelle listens to her words in silence. “I will trust her word over yours, because I will not allow my daughter to grow up in fear.”

“I know.”

Y/N swallows, tapping her nails against the table lightly. “So what does that mean to you?”

“It means you’re a great mother,” she takes hold of her hand, “and I would love to be part of your family.”

A smile grows on her face. Y/N squeezes her hand, giggling when a third, smaller hand joins the pile. Her daughter starts giggling too, it’s full of joy, and it’s just the sign that Y/N needs to know this’ll work.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

the last scene of season three of killing eve is definitely, like, the true ending of killing eve, isn't it?? you can feel that everything builds to that conversation that they have where they're really honest and open and understanding with each other, and villanelle being the one to initiate walking away out of love for eve shows her growth, and the absolutely stunning choice of MUSIC and the EMOTIONS on their BEAUTIFUL FACES and the TRYING TO WALK AWAY and the TURNING BACK and that magical little chime of hope that rings us out into the end credits. like, that's the absolute perfect moment to end that story on that absolutely sums up everything. the weight of what's happened and the promise of the future; the fact that they just can't stay away from each other presented as something beautiful and golden in that moment instead of something ruinous. i love their time together in the finale of season four because their chemistry is so good and it's so incredible to finally get to see them having fun together and loving each other, but everything felt so off all season, and the end is horrible and empty, and i think it's because they were trying to extend the story past its natural ending, which was that scene on the bridge at the end of season three. i almost wish i could magically eternal sunshine season four's existence out of my brain, except that i don't know if i'm strong enough to part with all the romancey moments from the season four finale. aughhhh!

but truly: killing eve has the perfect series finale, it's just that it happened a season too early.

[sugarandspisces-writes]

Damage Control

Pairing: Melissa Schemmenti x reader

Summary: You get into an argument with your parents and it brings up some tough emotions. Melissa helps you work through those feelings and thinks of a unique way to help you cope.

Word Count: 8k

A/N - Hi! I want to start off by saying that this fic is purely self-indulgent. I wanted to write something for those that don’t have the support of their loved ones in regard to their sexuality. If you’re currently going through this situation, I hope you can find a piece of comfort in this fic. My main goal with this one is to make you feel less alone. I hope you all enjoy <3

TW - Contains themes of homophobia and depicts interactions with unaccepting parents

It was a Saturday evening, and you found yourself at Melissa’s house. Over the past couple months, it became a ritual for you to spend the weekends with her. You found this was the only time you could enjoy her company due to the demands of the week. Things had been rough for her at school, but she was finally getting used to teaching two grades. She had more free time now, and you jumped at the opportunity to spend it with her.

You were currently sitting on the couch in the comfort of her arms. She was lying with her back against the arm of the couch, and you were sitting in her lap in the same position. Your back was against her front, and her arms were wrapped around your waist. Your head was settled on the left side of her chest, and you could hear the faint sound of her heartbeat.

It was a gloomy day and you didn’t plan on doing much. You originally wanted to spend the day out and about, but due to the weather, you changed your mind. You mutually decided that you would much rather have a lazy day in. You finished eating dinner not too long ago and you were now watching TV.

You recommended Melissa to start Killing Eve a while ago, but she never got around to it. You were glad about that because now you were able to watch it together. You were only on the first season, which you’d seen multiple times, so your attention was being pulled in another direction.

You turned slightly in her arms so that you were facing her. Her hair was up and her face was rid of makeup, so every feature was on display. She was absolutely stunning and you wished you could see her like this more. Your eyes roved over her face until they landed on the slope of her neck. You leaned in and placed a few kisses at the junction of her neck and shoulder. You watched her cheeks become pink from your actions. Her lips twitched as she tried to fight a smile and you couldn’t help but let your lips curve into a grin at the sight. You realized you were staring and tried to look away before she noticed, but you knew you’d been caught when she spoke.

“The TV is over there, you know.” She nodded her head in the direction of the entertainment.

“I know that, Melissa,” you laughed. “I just enjoy looking at you more.”

“Someone’s being very charming today,” she said before turning her head towards you.

You locked eyes momentarily and the twinkle in her green orbs was almost too much for you to handle. You couldn’t think when she looked at you like that. You shied away from her gaze before letting out a chuckle. 

“Do you like the show so far?” You asked after gathering your thoughts. 

“Yeah, it’s good. I thought there would be a little more action though.”

“Oh, trust me, it’s coming. I think the next episode is the one where Villanelle shows up at Eve’s house.” You said while reaching for your phone that was resting on the coffee table.

You heard Melissa groan and you realized that your movement shifted her out of her comfy spot. You gave her an apologetic look before turning your phone on. As you looked through your notifications, you saw that you had a missed call from your dad. The two of you usually called each other every weekend, mainly in the mornings. He didn’t call you this morning, so you thought he’d get to it tomorrow. It was strange for him to call you at this time, but you just assumed he missed you extra and didn’t want the call to wait.

“You can call him back if you need to,” Melissa said, knowing how much you looked forward to catching up with him.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna,” you sat up and swung your legs over the edge of the couch. “It must be important if he’s calling this late.”

“Go ahead. I need to get up and stretch anyways.” She patted the side of your leg, signaling you to stand.

“Be right back,” you said before leaning over to kiss her lips.

✦ ✦ ✦

You made your way into the kitchen and sat at the table in a seat near the entryway. You pressed the missed call notification and held the phone up to your ear. You listened to three sequences of ringing before someone picked up.

“Hello?”

You brought your phone down and looked at the screen in confusion. It wasn’t uncommon for her to answer your dad’s calls if he wasn’t in immediate reach of his phone. It still caught you off guard.

“Hey, mom. I was just calling Dad back.” You said in hopes that she would pass him the phone as quickly as possible.

You loved your mother, but you didn’t have the energy to deal with her right now. You were in a good mood, and you knew she was bound to change that if you continued to speak with her.

“Now, don’t sound too eager to talk to me,” she said. 

You knew she was being sarcastic, but she did have a point. Even though you weren’t in the mood, you were still curious about her well-being. 

“How are you?” You asked.

“I’m just trying to enjoy the day, but the weather has been acting crazy.”

Are we seriously talking about the weather right now? You thought to yourself.

“Yeah, I know,” you nodded to yourself. “I was gonna go out today, but those plans got squashed.”

“Oh, honey, I’m glad you realized you need to get out more,” she said. “All you do is go to work, then go home. You need to have a little fun here and there.”

While her comment sounded like she meant well, you knew there was an air of judgment in what she was trying to say.

“I know, mom. You tell me all the time.” You let out a sigh.

“Yeah, well, every time I call you’re always at home.”

“You just happen to call me when I’m at home.” You rolled your eyes.

“You just happen to be at home every time I call you? I find that hard to belie–”

“Mom, where’s Dad?” You asked, trying not to sound too fed up.

“He’s upstairs. He’ll be down soon,” she said. “Why are you in such a hurry?” 

You could almost hear the cogs turning in her head as she thought of the reasons why you wanted to get off the phone with her. You pulled your phone away to see that you’d only been on the phone with her for a little over a minute. Why did it feel like the two of you had been talking for ages? You could feel yourself getting a headache already.

“You can change the subject all you want, but I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt you to get out more.” She said in a tone that you couldn’t quite place, but you knew that it rubbed you the wrong way.

Before you could speak, you heard her say, “Here’s your father.”

You had never been so thankful to talk to your dad in your life.

“Hey, kiddo.” Your dad said. “What’s up?”

“Hey, I was just calling you back. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Why?”

“I dunno.” You shrugged even though he couldn’t see. “You usually call me earlier in the day.”

“Is it a crime for me to be spontaneous?” He asked. “Haven’t you heard the phrase, “Expect the unexpected?”

You could hear the smile in his voice and you couldn’t help but chuckle at him.

“It is a crime, considering you’re the most calculated man I know.”

Your parents were very type A, and they always followed some sort of schedule. They liked things to be a certain way, and they were always organized. Despite what it seemed like, they knew how to have fun – especially your dad. However, there were times when they could be stuck in their ways, and that’s why you often butt heads.

“Okay, maybe that’s true.” He laughed. “I just missed you, is all.”

“I miss you too.” You smiled to yourself.

Your heart warmed at his words. Your conversations were so much different than the ones between you and your mom. 

“What are you up to?” Your dad asked, bringing the conversation back to you.

“Nothing much. I was watching TV when you called.”

You could hear your mom in the background making a remark about you not getting out of the house. For some reason, she couldn’t let it go today. 

“Dad, can you put me on speaker?”

“Okay, you’re on speaker.” He confirmed.

You laughed at him before addressing your mom. “Mom, you know I can hear you in the back, right?”

“All I’m trying to say is that the men aren’t gonna meet themselves.” She said bluntly.

You let out a dry laugh. Of course, that’s what this is about. She’d wanted to say it all along, but she liked to bet around the bush for some reason.

“Mom, men aren’t the key to life. I’m fully capable of doing everything a man could do for me by myself.”

She laughed, and you could almost see the shake of her head that came with the action. “Of course, you would say that.” 

“Honey.” You could hear your dad say to your mom in a warning tone.

“No, it’s okay.” Clearly, there was a deeper meaning to her words. “What’s that supposed to mean, Mom?”

It was silent on the other end of the line as you waited for an answer. 

“I think your mother is just trying to say–”

“Dad, I wanna hear it from her. What’s that supposed to mean, Mom?” You repeated. 

You could feel yourself becoming more defensive as the seconds went on.

“I’m not surprised you would say something like that. With you being the way you… are and whatnot.” She couldn’t even bring herself to say the words.

“The way I am? Wh–What are you trying to say?” You asked, but you knew exactly what she was alluding to.

You weren’t solely attracted to men, and that dissatisfied your mother more than anything. You knew it bothered your dad too; the only difference was that he wasn’t so brash about it. You had hope that he might come to terms with it in the future. Your mother, on the other hand, was a different story.

✦ ✦ ✦

Melissa was sitting on the couch as she waited for you to finish your conversation. For the past ten minutes, she had busied herself with looking at the pictures hanging on her walls. She couldn’t remember the last time she really looked at them. She had been so busy at work trying to keep up with two classes that she didn’t notice how long it had been since she took a proper pause. This was the first time in about three weeks that she was able to keep her head above the water.

It was also the first weekend that she had been able to fully enjoy in a while. When she realized she would have some free time, her first thought was that she wanted to spend it with you. It was very unlike her to want to spend her spare time with anyone, but there was something special about you. You made her feel at peace, and she craved having you around at all times. 

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard your voice coming from the kitchen. The sound was muffled from where she was standing, so she couldn’t make out what you were saying. Nonetheless, you sounded like you were in distress. She debated whether or not to go check on you. She knew you were capable of handling your own problems, but she still wanted to make sure that you were okay. She reasoned with herself and made her way over to the entrance of her kitchen.

She didn’t walk in yet out of fear that she might be interrupting something. Your relationship was still kind of new, and she didn’t want to seem like she was butting into your business. From outside the doorway, she could hear another woman’s voice. She assumed this was your mom.

She heard the tail end of the conversation, and she was a little stunned, to say the least. She knew about your weekly catch-ups with your dad, and she had been there to overhear some of them. To her, your parents didn’t seem like the type of people to participate in an argument with you. In her opinion, that was more her family’s style. However, she knew that it was presumptuous of her to assume such a thing without much context. She continued to listen to the conversation, curious to hear what would be said next.

✦ ✦ ✦

“You know what I’m saying, Y/N!” Your mother said, raising her voice. 

You knew you’d struck a nerve. She wasn’t at her yelling point, but she was getting close. If she wanted to play that game though, you would play. If there was one thing the two of you were good at, it was yelling at each other.

“I like women, Mom! So what?” You raised your voice back.

“So what?” She said in disbelief, as if she couldn’t fathom what you were saying. “It’s wrong, Y/N. That’s what!”

“Says who? You?” You yelled at her. You didn’t mean to, but you couldn’t help it. You weren’t gonna sit there and listen to her talk about right and wrong as if she was a saint.

“Do not raise your voice at me.” Your mom said sternly.

You knew you were in the wrong at the moment, but you weren’t going to apologize. She was still your mom, but if she wasn’t going to respect you, you weren’t going to respect her.

“A little support would be nice every now and then, you know.” You said.

“I support you plenty. Or do you not remember me and your father loaning you money a couple of weeks ago?” She pointed out. “Did that slip your mind somehow?” She said in a condescending tone.

“That’s not what I mean!” You said in frustration. 

Your mother thought that monetary support was equal to emotional support. In her mind, if you had all of your needs met, emotions didn’t have to be part of the picture.

“You did it to yourself, Y/N. If you didn’t make the choice–”

At those words, you lost it.

“It’s not a choice, Mom! I didn’t choose anything! It’s just who I am!” You shouted through the phone. Tears began to prick your eyes. You tried to blink them away, but they fell anyway.

You stood from your seat and walked around the table. You could feel yourself getting angry, and you didn’t know how that would end, so you tried to calm down before your emotions got out of hand. 

“That’s not who you are!” She yelled back. “I didn’t raise you to be like that. Your father–”

“No, Mom, it's not who you are!” You interrupted her. You reigned your tears in and gained control of your voice. You wanted her to hear your next statements loud and clear.  “Not everything is about you! And Dad can speak for himself.”

Since you came out to your parents, your mom had a hard time separating her identity from yours. She couldn’t bear the fact that you weren’t straight. To her, you were flawed, and she felt like she had done something wrong raising you. What she failed to see was that your identity had nothing to do with her. It was only about you.

“I’m not talking about this with you anymore,” she said.

You saw that one coming. Once you began talking about her image, she shut down. When it came to slander, she could dish it, but she couldn’t take it.

“Fine.” You said, and that was the end of that.

You plopped down in the chair and took a few deep breaths before speaking again.

“Dad,” you said, “are you still on the phone?”

Your dad had been silent the whole time. Not because he didn’t care, but because he knew better than to get in the middle of your and your mom's spats. He meant well, but sometimes you wish he would give his input. Confrontation wasn’t his strong suit though, so you knew it might be a while before you ever heard his side of things.

“Yeah, I’m here, kiddo.” He sounded dejected. “I’m sorry.”

He hadn’t meant for the phone call to go south.

“You don’t have to apologize for her.”

“Yeah, but I know she’ll probably never say it,” he said, sounding defeated for you.

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”

You talked with him for a few minutes longer before saying goodnight and ending the call. This was not the direction you expected the night to go in, but like your dad said, you should learn to expect the unexpected.

✦ ✦ ✦

Moments later, you found yourself still sitting at the kitchen table. Your mother’s words rang in your head as you tried to process everything. As you continued to think about the things she said, you felt your frustration resurface. The feeling had only intensified since then, and you began to feel red-hot anger creeping its way up your chest. It settled at the base of your neck and as a result, you felt suffocated. You couldn’t help but let out a scream at the sensation.

“Fuck!” You shouted before slamming your phone down onto the wooden surface of the table.

The sound must have startled Melissa because she appeared before you.

“You okay?” Melissa asked as she kneeled in front of you. She had a frown on her face as she tried to decipher the expression on yours.

You were embarrassed at your sudden outburst and the fact that she’d heard the conversation with your parents. You were also feeling a little helpless because your emotions were manifesting themselves and you had virtually no idea how to handle them. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but all that came out was a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. You could feel Melissa running her hand along your back and that brought you down enough to muster out a reply.

“Yeah,” you said in a flat tone. You meant to be more convincing, but it didn’t quite work.

“You know, you can tell me if you’re not okay.” She said, continuing to rub your back.

You cleared your throat and shook your head as if you were trying to reset your brain to 30 minutes ago: when you were peacefully lying in your girlfriend’s arms and not having thoughts of taking your mother’s neck in your hands and–

“Hon,” Melissa said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm,” you hummed before looking at her again. 

You soon came to realize that was a big mistake. Suddenly everything was too much. Too real. How close she was to you, the look in her eyes, the hand on your back. You needed her to move, but you couldn’t vocalize that. 

“What can I do?” She asked.

“Um, I don’t, I–,” You stumbled over your words.

You reached around to your back so you could grab her hand. She mistook the gesture as you seeking more comfort. She clasped her hand around yours and that gave you the push you needed to speak up.

“I don’t know, but you need to move.” You snatched your hand away as if her touch burned you.

She looked a little shocked, but she moved away as fast as her body allowed her to. Once she was gone, you realized how harsh you’d sounded and you instantly felt bad. She was just trying to help, and here you were snapping at her.

“I’m sorry. I just– I’m really hot and I can’t–” You stood up and started to frantically fan yourself.

Melissa continued to look at you. She was trying to figure out what her next move would be. She’d never seen you like this, and she wanted to handle this situation correctly. As soon as she realized that staring at you wasn’t going to help, she jumped into action.

“That’s okay. How about we start by taking this off.” She stepped closer to you before realizing she should probably warn you. She wanted to avoid your previous reaction at all costs. “I’m just gonna come closer, but I’m not gonna touch you.”

You couldn’t even focus on what she was saying because you were about two seconds away from freaking out again. You could only make out every other word, but it was enough for you to piece her sentences together. You nodded your head to show that it was okay for her to come closer.

Why the fuck am I so hot? You thought to yourself.

“I just wanna get your jacket off.” She said.

Jacket? What jacket?

As you watched her reach toward you, you looked down to see that you were wearing the hoodie Melissa let you borrow earlier. You were so scatterbrained that you didn’t realize you still had it on.

She grasped the zipper on the garment before pulling it down, causing the sleeves to fall off your shoulders. Once the item was off, you felt so much better and your thoughts started to become more clear. You sat back down and let out a sigh of relief as you leaned forward, resting your palms on your knees. You looked down at the ground in an attempt to focus your attention on something other than the anger and shame you were feeling.

“That feel any better?” Melissa inquired.

You thought about her question for a second. You felt better because you weren’t burning up anymore. However, you could still feel the remnants of ire in the pit of your chest. 

“A little, but I feel like,” you paused. “Like I,” you trailed off before giving up.

Melissa reached out to gently grasp your jaw. She tilted your face upward so you could look at her. Her palm felt cool against your warm skin. 

“Like what?” She looked at you intently.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged before removing your face from her hold.

It wasn’t a secret that you experienced emotions deeply. You felt more than the average person, and you were very in tune with other people. You were the definition of an empath, and it was a gift as well as a curse. You cared for others, but the weight of harboring their emotions in addition to your own was too much to handle at times.

You were also prone to burying your feelings. That’s where your difficulties with communication stemmed from. When you were hurting you kept it to yourself, and that made it harder for you to navigate situations like this. When you had a chance to express your feelings, you weren’t always sure how to convey them to others.

Melissa pulled up a chair and set it directly in front of you. To be honest, you were taken aback by the action. You fully expected her to leave you alone until you could figure out an answer to her question. As you looked at her, you saw through all the concern and found there was determination in her eyes. She wanted to figure out what was going on inside your head, and she wasn’t going to give up until she got an explanation.

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling physically?” She reached out to grab your hand, finding it hard not to show her affection. “Just one thing.”

“Um, kinda like I might… explode.” You looked toward her in hopes of receiving some form of validation, and without fail she gave it to you.

“Okay.” She nodded her head and began to stroke the back of your hand with her thumb. “Anything else?”

“My heart is beating really fast and I feel tense. Like, all over.” You took your free hand and motioned it in a circle around you.

“That doesn’t sound like a nice feeling,” she spoke softly. 

To you, her tone seemed uncharacteristically gentle. It was unlike anything you’d ever heard from the redhead.

“What do you usually do when you feel like this?” Her eyes never strayed from yours.

“Nothing really.” You looked at her sheepishly. “I usually just push it away or try to focus on something else.”

The lost look in your eyes pulled at Melissa’s heartstrings. She could see the trouble you were having processing your emotions, and all she wanted to do was help you. She had an idea, but she wasn’t sure how you’d receive it. However, she knew it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Are you willing to try somethin’ for me, hon?” She bit her lip as she anticipated your response.

“Sure.” You were willing to try just about anything if it would make you feel better.

“Okay, give me just a sec.” She held up her index finger, then proceeded to walk out of the kitchen.

Melissa soon returned with something interesting in her hands: a baseball bat. You looked at her with curiosity as she came to stand before you.

“Come on.” She nodded her head toward the back door. “Let’s go outside for a minute.”

You followed her into the yard, where she walked you to a secluded corner. As she moved a few items around to create some space, you noticed her backyard was very homey. There was a couch decorated with pillows and blankets and it was placed near a fire pit. There was also a garden located on the opposite end.

Above you, there were string lights that were activated by the two of you stepping outside. They lit up the yard with a warm glow and you began to find comfort in the cozy atmosphere. She had a fence built well above your height that surrounded the area, and it made you feel completely safe.

When she was finished rearranging, Melissa came to stand across from you. “When I get upset, I take this and use it to do as much damage as I can.” She presented the bat to you.

You tried not to think too much into her statement, but you couldn’t help raising your eyebrows.

“I promise everything I’ve done was legal,” she said after seeing your reaction. “Well, mostly.”

“Melissa!” Your eyes widened at the thought of her committing crimes with the object.

“I’m kidding, hon,” she assuaged your fears. “I don’t have anything for you to hit, but I think the ground will do just fine.” She tapped with her foot, illustrating its firm nature.

You still felt unsure of what to do.

“You don’t have to try it if you don’t want to,” she assured you. She didn’t want to talk you into doing anything that made you feel uncomfortable. “We can always figure something else out, but I think this might help you release some of those emotions.”

If she thought it would help, what was the harm in testing out her theory? 

“Okay, I’ll try.”

You reached your hands out to accept the bat from her. She handed it over, then stepped closer to the house to give you some space. You stood there for a second, those feelings of uncertainty coming back to you. You felt out of your element as you twisted the bat around.

You took a couple breaths before holding it up by the handle. Your arms lifted above you before swiftly coming down to slam the head of the bat against the ground.

Sightly alarmed by the loud crack that echoed around the space, you looked toward Melissa and let out a gasp. She was standing against the fence with arms folded across her chest.

“How’d that feel?” She looked at you expectantly.

“Good.” You nodded. “I wonder what your neighbors are gonna think.”

“Don’t worry about that.” She began to walk toward you. “If they have a problem I’ll handle it.”

You must have still looked suspicious because she spoke again.

“You just focus on letting those feelings go.” She squeezed your shoulder affectionately before taking a seat on the couch. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

You stood there for a moment gathering your thoughts. The only thing Melissa cared about was making you feel better. She could care less about anyone else at the moment. With that in mind, you felt completely safe to express yourself however you needed to. She just wanted to be there to make sure you were safe. Your heart warmed at the thought, and your anger nearly dissipated.

Now all you could focus on was how much she cared about you and your emotional well-being. She looked after you so intently. No one had ever taken the time to truly listen to you and help you combat your insufferable burdens. That thought settled deep within you causing a twinge to flutter through your chest. The ache was so profound you felt it in every fiber of your being.

You closed your eyes and took another deep breath before smashing the bat into the grass for the second time. You repeated the action until you began to lose count of how many times you’d struck the ground.

All you could think about were the feelings your mom had brought up and the pain associated with them. When you couldn’t think about that anymore, you thought about every time you wanted to express an emotion, but couldn’t. When you’d exhausted that thought, you just focused on how free you felt at the moment. With each hit, you could feel yourself letting go of the pain you’d held onto for so long.

Then, something broke within you. You slammed the ground one last time, your body sagging forward from the force. You felt your chest heave as a guttural sound escaped your throat, and you let out a final breath in its wake. 

The metallic bat dropped to the ground with a clang and you used every last bit of your strength to stand up straight. You filled your lungs with air and on the exhale, you felt a sob bubble in your throat. Your hands flew to your mouth to muffle the sound, but it was too late. You had already released an echoing wail into the open. Surrendering every part of the anguish, you let the sobs wrack your body. It was getting harder to breathe, but you didn’t care, really.

“Y/N.” She was gentle as not to startle you.

Upon opening your eyes, you were met with a worried look. She was maintaining her distance just in case you were feeling overwhelmed, but by the look in her eyes, you could see that she just wanted to comfort you. You pulled her closer and once the gap was closed, she brought her hands up to wipe your eyes. She gently held your face in her palms as you continued to weep. 

“You didn’t mention that I would cry my eyes out,” you joked. It was an attempt to lighten the mood, but your delivery was pathetic. You were all choked up, trying your best to talk through broken sobs. “A warning would have been nice.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Melissa said in a hushed tone. It almost sounded like she was fighting back her own tears. But you knew she hadn’t gone that soft on you— yet. 

You were pulled into a hug, her arms wrapping firmly around your torso. You hugged back, arms hanging loosely around her neck, then brought your head down to rest on her shoulder. She pulled you closer before placing a kiss on your forehead. The action was so delicate that it caused a surge of fresh tears to fill your eyes.

Melissa could feel your chest quavering with each breath you took, so she gave you some encouragement. “Let it out, hon.” 

You shook your head and released a whimper instead. You’d cried enough and there was no need to do it all over her. However, you should have known that wasn’t going to satisfy her. Your pain didn’t serve you any purpose, and she refused to let it weigh you down.

“Come on, love.” She murmured into your ear, voice so velvety you couldn’t help but give in. “There you go,” she praised as your cries got heavier.

You collapsed into her arms and let your body go slack against hers. She staggered backward, not expecting you to fall into her like that, but regained her footing and held you steady. 

“I’m here, okay? I’ve got you.”

For a moment, all you could focus on was her. She rubbed large circles across your back and you nestled closer into the curve of her neck. Her scent invaded your senses; something spicy, sweet, and clothed in warmth. You could feel yourself calming down with each breath you took.

“That’s it. Just breathe.” She instructed.

She began to sway your body from side to side. The motion was so soothing that you felt your eyelids getting heavy. If she kept it up, you were sure you’d fall asleep. You willed yourself to stay awake so you could relish in the safety she was providing.

“You doing okay?” She asked after she was sure your sobs had ceased.

“Mhmm,” you hummed.

It wasn’t the best response, but Melissa took your even breaths and lack of tears as a sign that you had settled down.

She began to unwrap her arms from around you, but you weren’t ready. You held on tighter, which was physically impossible considering you were already as close as you could get.

She held you a little longer before deciding to ask for permission this time. “Is it okay if I let go?”

She hadn’t given you any indication that she was leaving, but a piece of you was afraid that you might not find that level of comfort again.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, sensing your hesitation. “I just wanna get you back inside.”

You obliged and she maintained her proximity by holding you by the waist. The gesture was tender and affectionate, and she kept her word leaving no room for doubts in your mind.

✦ ✦ ✦

“You gonna be okay by yourself for a second?” Melissa asked as you sat in the living room.

“I’ll be okay,” you rasped.

“Okay, sit tight,” Melissa said before venturing off.

You were grateful for her tenderness, and it was the first time you were seeing this side of her. Of course, she was always gentle with you, but something was different tonight. She was being so patient and loving—it made your heart feel so full.

She returned with a glass of water and took a seat next to you. You gladly accepted the beverage and found yourself nearly downing it in one gulp. The cool liquid felt nice on your sore throat. You set the cup down on the coffee table and let out a deep sigh. A familiar sting pricked your eyes, but you refused to do any more of that right now.

You could see Melissa watching you out of the corner of your eye. She was trying to be discreet, but even if you couldn’t see her, you’d be able to feel the intensity of her stare. You weren’t sure what she was trying to communicate to you, so you redirected your gaze.

She smiled at you, her lips gently curling, as she brought a hand over to rest on your thigh. You placed your hand over hers and began to play with her fingers. She had a singular ring on the middle one and you twisted it around to distract yourself.

She pulled you out of your head by locking your fingers together. You looked back up at her and she opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. Her eyebrows were knit together and she had a pensive look on her face. She looked like she was going through a mental tug-of-war.

You watched as she dropped your hand and changed her position so she was leaning against the arm rest. She waved her hand, motioning for you to come join her. You took your place in her arms and laid on top of her, tucking your head under her chin and settling in. You took a hand and rested it on her stomach, feeling it move up and down with each breath she took.

You closed your eyes as she placed a kiss to the crown of your head. She repeated the action before moving her lips lower and doing the same near your hairline. She slipped her hand underneath the fabric of your shirt and began to lightly trace her nails against your back. That had to be one of your favorite sensations, and you could feel yourself melting deeper into her touch. She was almost lulling you into a trance.

“Your mom seemed pretty upset earlier, hm?” She asked, switching the pattern she was making on your back.

Melissa knew what she was doing. She wanted to get you as relaxed as possible so that you could talk about the events that led to this moment. She knew it would be hard for you to get worked up if she was holding you close, giving you kisses, and rubbing your back. It was the gentlest form of persuasion.

“Yeah.” Your voice cracked as your thoughts wandered back to the conversation. You cleared your throat before continuing, “I guess you could say so.”

Not missing the hitch in your voice, she encouraged you to take a deep breath. Once she was pleased with your effort, she formulated her next response.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” She didn’t want to upset you again.

“No, it’s okay.” You assured her. “I just don’t understand.”

Melissa waited for you to elaborate, but when you didn’t, she prompted you. “You don’t understand what, babe?” She asked, moving back a couple of inches so she could look at you properly.

“I’ve spent the majority of my life–” A lump made its way up your throat. You swallowed it down, determined not to let your emotions get the better of you. “I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to be perfect for her. I’ve done absolutely everything I could to please her.”

Melissa nodded her head in understanding as you peered up at her.

“I made good grades in school and I did all the extracurriculars. I went to college, navigated everything the way she advised me to. I sacrificed so much of my happiness to make sure she was content. It worked for a long time, you know? She was happy.” 

“And because of that you were happy,” Melissa stated.

She knew how you were. People pleasing was part of your character. It was hard for you to grasp the idea that you wouldn’t be able to satisfy everyone. No matter what, there would always be someone who didn’t agree with you.

You nodded, taking a breath before continuing, “That all changed when I came out to her though. I mean, I knew what her reaction would be, but I wanted to take some of my power back from her. I had quite literally burnt myself out trying to do right by her.” You took a beat before saying, “I just felt like I wasn’t my own person anymore and that kind of scared me.”

Melissa moved a hand up to your cheek, as she continued to look at you. Her thumb smoothed across the side of your face and your eyes fell closed at the feeling. You hadn’t even noticed the lone tear escaping your eye until she swiped it away.

“So, I told her.” You laughed wryly. “I wasn’t even sure what my labels were at the time. I’m honestly still not, but I just knew that I wasn’t straight. I just felt so compelled to let her know that she didn’t have a say in every aspect of my life.”

“I’m proud of you for making that decision. That must have been really hard.” Melissa empathized with you.

Her sage eyes were glassy as she listened to you tell your story. Hearing about your relationship with your mother allowed her to gain a deeper understanding of your habits. She’d wondered why you were such a perfectionist, why you cared so much about what people thought of you, why it was hard for you to say no sometimes.

“Oh, it was a nightmare.” You looked off to the side as you recounted the day. “I told her right before I went off to college. I told my dad too. She didn’t speak to me for months. I think that’s part of the reason why me and my dad got so close.”

“How did your dad take it?” Melissa asked.

“Better than her. He wasn’t jumping for joy, but he was respectful of me. He understands that it’s not up to him to pick my life partner.” You looked back at her before saying, “That’s all I asked of them. To respect me. He just happened to be the one who could comply with my wishes.”

“There’s always that one person,” Melissa sighs. She didn’t know your mom personally, so she wouldn’t bash her. Not to your face at least. Instead, she opted to give you a piece of wisdom. “You can’t please everyone, hon.”

“I know.” You sighed, matching her tone. “It just doesn’t make sense to me. My dad can do it, so why can’t she?”

You looked at Melissa with sorrowful eyes. You could feel your resolve starting to crumble and that ache in your chest returned. “Why can’t she just love me how I am?”

You were directing the question at her but unfortunately, she didn’t have an explanation. She tried to compose an answer, but her words wouldn’t come. The way you looked at her made her brain lapse. She tried to think of something quickly because she couldn’t take the site of that sullen look. However, she didn’t have anything to say, and that was rare. Her lack of words generated a response from you, and it wasn’t one she was expecting.

“No matter how hard I try, nothing I do will ever be enough for her.” Your lips crumpled as the words left your mouth. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

“Oh, honey. Come here.” She closed the small space between you by pulling you into her chest. 

You cried, but it was mild in comparison to your previous round of tears. “I just don’t get it.”

“I don’t get it either,” she said, resuming her gentle back scratches, “but let me tell you something.” She pulled your chin up so you were level with her eyes. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

“There must be. Why else would she–”

“You are passionate, hardworking, and so damn smart. You always make me smile, and you are a joy to be around.” Melissa said with conviction.

“You are perfect just the way you are. Do you hear me? When you began to shy away from her words, she pulled your attention back to her. “I’m not sure what your mother sees when she looks at you, but I see a wonderful person who is kind and caring. You have a beautiful personality and a heart that is too pure for this world.”

“You mean it?”

“Yes, hon. Why would I say that if I didn’t mean it?”

You could only shrug at her question.  

“No, don’t give me that. Talk to me,” she urged.

You could tell she genuinely wanted to hear your thoughts because she had that determined look on her face again. How could you possibly say no to that?

“I know you mean it. It’s not that.”

“What is it, then?”

“I don’t get to feel validated very often,” you disclosed. “So it’s just nice to hear those words.”

“I meant every single thing.” She punctuated her words with a nod.

“I know, Lissa. Thank you.” You smiled at her. “For everything you’ve done for me tonight.”

You leaned forward to wrap her in a hug one last time. You hoped you could convey every ounce of thanks into the embrace. She’d done more for you in a few hours than you could have ever asked.

“You’re welcome. But you don’t need to thank me. It’s what I’m here for.” She hugged you back with just as much enthusiasm, if not more. “I’ll always be here to listen to you and validate you anytime you need it.”

You pulled back from the hug just enough to see her face, and you leaned in to kiss her lips. It was delicate and sweet, but full of passion. You tangled your hand into auburn locks so you could keep her near as you exchanged a few more pecks. She pulled away and pressed a final kiss to your temple.

You ended the day the same way you started it: wrapped up on the couch enjoying each other’s presence. In that moment, you realized you’d found something special with her. In the midst of chaos, she had the ability to bring you back to center. She put things into perspective, and helped you see the bigger picture.

Sure, you wanted your mom to come around, but you couldn’t make her. That was something she would have to do on her own timing—you couldn’t force it upon her. Whether or not she would come to accept you was a mystery. However, what you did know was that Melissa would always be in your corner and that was more than enough for you.