#i lost too much in the last two years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

etapereine · 5 months ago

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schrödinger’s gc favorite

#somehow he’s both too injured to possibly put up a fight and also automatically the favorite bc he won the last two years #like if you listen to cycling twitter we should expect the exact same form as last year but he’s also in no state to ride the tour at all #meanwhile he’s just doing his training and reconning the galibier and paying no attention to any of the nonsense god bless #user etapereine get off twitter challenge failed again #like i know nuance and middle ground are foreign concepts on twitter in general but good lord #will he be in the form he was last year? probably not #will he be in such terrible form that he falls out of gc in week one and ends up working for matteo? also probably no #my bet? he’ll lose some time in week one but then make at least some of it up in the mountains in week three #whether he can make up enough in week three to still win is unknown and depends just as much on what everyone else does #but expecting twitter to use things like reason and common sense is a lost cause so whatever

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takecarelove · 2 months ago

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me when my kids appreciate all the work i put into making this musical be as small of a shit show as possible 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

#me when i also accidentally curse at kids #i walked into the shop these two boys were using a plunger on a literal 1x4 #i literally walked between them and said “put the fucking plunger down.”#i was so scared of myself like i never curse irl guys 😭😭 but i think i was still recovering from last night it just came out #and they looked up in such fear too LMAOO #but one of my kids just texted me and was like “i really appreciate all the work ur putting into this show ur so organized it's so helpful!#OHHH SHE WAS SO SWEET I WAS GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET #OKAY GIRLIE I SEE U I FORGIVE U FOR HATING YOUR COSTUME SO MUCH LAST YEAR YOU PRETENDED TO HAVE LOST IT #people can change guys #and she did it #silly hours

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widowshill · 2 months ago

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— Are you sure Burke wants to buy Collinwood? — Yes, he said so. I'm just afraid it's only the beginning of what he wants.

#76.#➤ roger collins & victoria winters & burke devlin. ┊ to know how it ends‚ and still begin to sing it again.#gifs.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#➤ roger collins. ┊ I and my ghosts want a drink.#➤ victoria winters. ┊ because she’s lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#➤ re: burke devlin. ┊ I am stranded in a hungerland of great prosperity.#I just think about Lou’s acting choices a lot.#the little pleading pout he gives her … the yearning after her... the fussing that she's talking to burke in the doorway...#and the way vicki holds eye contact with him ... hhhh.#and this is sandwiched between talking to her on the cliffs and taking her out to the blue whale !! (i think all the same day?)#it's just so... impactful. that this is blocked in the threshold.#lingering between burke and roger; the drawing room and foyer; pulled to either side by two versions of what happened ten years ago.#roger tugging (forcefully) at her loyalty to the collins family and her gratitude for giving her a home and family;#burke tugging her sympathies because he also wants a home; roots; a big house to raise his kids in — he's alone in the world like she is.#[heathcliff] is more myself than i am!#and you can see the realization on his face that should burke tug her too far;#roger's cord of communion will snap and he will take to bleeding inwardly.#vicki by nature of her character not only responds to truth with her favor — but; conversely; by giving her favor creates truth.#when she likes and trusts and wants to spend time w/ roger he fares very well: a breakfast date where she supplies him with an alibi —#a dinner date that covers up his perjury meeting. vicki's good opinion is indispensable for his survival —#the very minute he loses that — when she is certain he's bill's murderer — she turns on him and so does everyone else and he immediately #loses his freedom (albeit only temporarily held at the police station rather than 5 years in prison)#she's not literally taken laura's place with them — but it's remarkable how much her romantic intentions influence the outcome of that #decade-old case; in just the same way that laura choosing roger as her husband and supplying truth through her testimony lead to #burke's condemnation before. it's much the same game roger is playing at this point in the story (at a significant disadvantage #to last time; because he can't offer vicki — penultimate Good Girl — a ring)#vicki's heart; affection; attraction; tied up fundamentally in Justice. and her position as narrator #making it all the more compelling that she writes Truth as vicki is navigating who *very literally* holds the Pen.#burke's story or roger's story? burke's [redacted] or roger's [redacted]?

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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kyouka-supremacy · 8 months ago

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Mmmhh...

#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11 #(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now #I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share #On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out #Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog #Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them

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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months ago

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i did a thing

#crocheting #it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap #i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am #my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware #the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress #i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic #so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes #please cherish it #i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me #they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me #that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly #actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step #but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has #i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic #like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two #how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling #no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have #but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it #if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces #and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person #originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer #and now its turned to mush #no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself #nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless #maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events #(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)

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i-am-thevoid · 2 months ago

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love how i keep getting consumed by soul crushing homesickness only to be reminded that theres nothing there for me anymore anyway

#and idk why im feeling this why now cause technically i have lived here two years now (i dont count it cause it was school years where i #went back for summers/ breaks and also i was so depressed i didnt actually live life independently)#but now that i AM. i miss home so so much and i wish i could be there instead but theres no way for me to have my career there and my family #is falling apart and i lost all my friends except the new community i happened to find over the summers but theyre all spread across the cou #ntry too and im just missing it.#doesnt help that i may be losing my best friend here cause they might be going to my hometown for a job lmao we just switched places fr #im so scared im gonna be horribly depressed again and its either gonna fuck up my career or my last friendship here (with my roommate)#and its so much more #im trying so hard to keep hoing in an industry thats hostile towards me but i have nothing to fall back on when its too much #i just wanna be on the land again 😭😭😭😭😭#i have no rights here i dont know many people etc

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byanyan · 1 year ago

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ㅤi'm realizing it's been a while since i've explained why byan is, you know, even called byan in the first place. i feel like a lot of my mutuals probably have no idea, so lemme change that real quick!

ㅤbyan's actual, legal name is yeong-hwan byun — or byun yeong-hwan but, because they exist in a primarily english-speaking setting, they're in the habit of saying and writing it the western way. that is, with their given name first, followed by family name rather than the other way around, as a korean name typically would be.

they've always hated their name. in part, it's because it was given to them by the mother who didn't even want to keep them. the fact that she's never been in their life, yet they're stuck sharing her surname is something they've always despised. mostly though, they hate yeong-hwan because it's long. it's boring. they have to correct people on the pronunciation an exhausting number of times. and, of course, it's masculine. nothing about it has ever felt right to them.

by the time they were about six, they were desperate for something different. so, since no one else was giving them a nickname like they were secretly hoping would happen once they started elementary school, they took it into their own hands. taking the 'by' from byun and the 'an' from the end of yeong-hwan, they crafted the name byan for themself. it was shorter, it was cuter, it was unique and not inherently gendered — it felt so much more like them. it still does. they've been using it ever since, demanding that anyone who interacts with them on a regular basis use it over their "real" name, and they often threaten violence on anyone who doesn't. —and yet at the same time, most of the people they meet outside of school have no idea that they even have any name other than byan.

#in the setting they were originally created for no one goes by their actual name #and it's v common to make a nickname by combining your first and last name in some way #i wouldn't have probably landed on the nickname byan if not for that which is wild to think about #but then again they wouldn't exist as a character if not for ghost and the world he created s o #ALSO if anyone has ever wondered how to properly pronounce byan #i have this whole hc post in mind where i want to play around with how the nickname would be written in korean characters #where i was gonna get into that but i'll leave it in the tags on this post since it's relevant #basically the 'a' in byan is pronounced the same way as the 'a' in can #which is Not the same way the 'a' in yeong-hwan is pronounced hence my reasoning for wanting to make the aforementioned post #...i'm getting lost in a lot of little side notes down here #wait one more: they actually had a different surname for their first few years - that of the parents who adopted them after they were born #but when that couple were able to have a biological child of their own and two children was too much #and byan was subsequently put into foster care... their biological mother's surname was given back to them (:#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ HEADCANON ⋮ DANGER IN THE FABRIC OF THIS THING I MADE.

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adelaidedrubman · 1 year ago

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my toxic oc/canon creator trait is only giving kids to the ships who would be objectively awful parents because it’s funny to see how they’ll fuck it up

#percenia and karlach: warm and caring ladies who never lost the drive to be kind through their trauma.#extremely nurturing couple who could make a huge difference in a child’s life. too bad there is no such child planned.#meanwhile millie and lae’zel are carrying around a githyanki egg with no game plan because millie was in a silly goofy egg stealing mood.#tracey and sylvia would be fantastic parents. slyvia literally worked with children before the reaping and is a natural at it.#and tracey put up with jestiny so that speaks for itself.#no nuclear apocalypse orphans for them tho.#instead how about johnjess determined to be childless survive a decade of bunker raw dogging only to accidentally adopt two kids.#then conceive a third to prove the j names were also a coincidence.#(undecided on if faithjen kids are strictly au or not.)#(but as much as all my new dawn stuff is really au)#(and ‘‘oh hey babe i spent the last ten years thinking you were dead.’’#‘‘UM anyways i went bunkermad and cloned us up a test tube baby meet your daughter<33’’ IS pretty funny so. maybe kids for them too)

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dreamlandxrunaway · 4 months ago

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yall.... I think you're actually getting an update for 1cdat... no fucking way! after a year... and... some... more :')

I'm actually gonna post it in a day or two... or maybe even in less than 24h... depends on whether I feel like making a teaser or not hahahaha (ig I could aways just make the moodboard for it anyways hahaha, I'll see what happens)

Well... those are some good news about that damned smau... but.. that also means that now I have to start the second part of what was supposed to be a one parter that I separated in two once I realized that... maybe... just maybe... it's not a good idea to post a 14k+ chapter like that with the spead i write at 😭😭😭 I can't possible make ppl wait for two years... one was enough LOL

#lilith.txt #1cdat #I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT? WOW #ok... i might revise it a bit....#BUT ITS ACTUALLY DONE I DONT BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT!!!!!#i wanted to post it not much past a year since the last release... but... what can you do #hope everyone is enjoying the new album and is ready for some heavy angst... this is a rather depressing chapter and a big pivot in MCs life #i wanted to get it right... and tbh i was planning to have two different scenes happen in one chapter... that was silly of me #hihihi #with my writing style? impossible LOL #also... i use ellipses too much... take them away from me. why do i make so many pauses like that tf #ik it goes with the story but too much is too much man lol #also... thank god i prepared the chapter template in advance like..... a year ago....#i forgot how i did stuff... its been so long 😭#im not back back but one heafty chapter is coming... next... one that starts angsty but ends on a brighter note i hope #also... how the fuck do you write nice dialogue???? thats my fucking weakness dude???? i always get lost in the sauce 😭#soon 🥹

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titsthedamnseason · 1 year ago

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my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way