#i lost thread
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I'm lowkey pissSed that we had a whole chapter from Laurent's pov but there's no Damen around so i DIDNT get to read how he sees him, and describes him, and maybe how he notices details that damen himself obviously wouldn't even point out im sososo mad about this happening to me why did pacat do this ohmy god
#what kind of THINGS would Laurent say about Damen in his HEAD????#he was in deniak but he couldn't escape his mind he could never escape it#not alone and tied to a chair ans#while Damen was out there fighting#he was surely thinking so many thoughts#He should've described to us each minuscule movement of Damen's face while they faced each other again#but oh well haha i guess that's only all in my head now#the fact that we didn't know damen had a simple until the short story was criminal in and on itself#what else can i say#anyway#i lost thread#i love you most ardently Damianos of Akielos
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Visions
#i have so much love for botw link#he remembers nothing but the weight of the sword#he is willing to take in incredible amounts of pain and responsibility just to understand himself and his previous life a bit better#its not as if he’s not responsible and courageous#but this iteration of link has lost so much-even before the game it seems taking his destiny has made him quiet#dunno remember who was it who wrote#‘the sword became a needle snd with the thread of destiny; it sew his lips’#but apart from the desesperation of looking for a trace of himself in all things#he is also guilty and scared of what his past holds#anyways i should write a fanfic not pour this into tags#botw#breath of the wild#link#legend of zelda#master sword#animation#procreate dreams#link botw
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"Love Leaves A Mark" (Matt Murdock x F!Reader, Fic, Pure Fluff)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/cf874b65e0a9adae118c7427adec12fd/6ab8907d0bd203e2-ac/s540x810/eace4a63427f14b1e6bf4e7f66b11cd042c28191.jpg)
I've been working on this for a bit to celebrate the release of our older Born Again!Era Matt, and happily I can say this one's now done, which means I can finish up another little oneshot I have and then get back around to The Red Thread's next chapter. This is written with TRT!Reader in mind, but I also tried to write it vaguely so it's easy enough to enjoy even if you haven't read that massive saga. Also if you'd like notifications when I post a new story, drabble, or chapter, you can follow my sideblog @pastaxandria and set it for notifications!
Ship: Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Wordcount: 3.8k
Warnings for this fic: None that I know of, they're just being cute and in love as they grow old together. There ARE some vague physical changes described that are standard in aging but that feels pretty normal.
Fic Summary: You and Matt are growing older together, and you're both loving every second of it, including the physical changes that come with it.
“Did you get more toothpaste today?” you called sleepily, lifting one leg to idly scratch at your calf with your foot. You worked your toothbrush over to the other side of your mouth, wrinkling your nose at the taste. Nine years you’d been using your husband’s toothpaste and you’d never gotten used to the flavor, or lack thereof. You’d be damned if you didn’t use it regardless, though. “And Mini’s food?”
“Picked up both.” The low rumble of his voice was sleepy and distracted as it drifted out of the bedroom. Outside the little brownstone you both now called home, the snow continued to fall in thick, heavy flakes, muffling the roar of the wind and the few cars still out on the street despite the late hour and travel ban. You were grateful for that storm. In all the time you’d been with him you’d never had a problem with the Devil’s nightly rounds. Loving Matt meant loving Daredevil, too. But you still treasured evenings like these when he was able to stay in with you, your purring, cuddly husband happily playing the role of your favorite blanket. “I may have also stopped at the bookstore and gotten you something on the way home.”
You paused, shifting your gaze meaningfully toward the open bathroom doorway. You probed curiously at the psychic connection between you, a subtle attempt to discern what it was he’d picked up for you. All you got was a playful nudge back. He didn’t even have to try all that hard anymore, smoothly deflecting you with all the ease of swatting away a pillow.
“I don’t think so, sweetheart.” His voice was an amused whisper in your mind. “You’ll have to figure it out the old-fashioned way.”
You scrubbed faster at your teeth, grinning at his laugh in the other room.
“I don’t know how you have any gums left considering how often you do that,” he mused as you leaned down to rinse your mouth out. You quickly shoved your toothbrush back into the penguin-shaped toothbrush holder before flipping off the light and padding out of the bathroom.
“The benefits of genetic tampering,” you said dryly, joining him in the bedroom. He was already settled into bed, sitting up with his back against the headboard, a well-worn book beneath his hand. Down atop his blanket-covered feet, a large, round black void of fur had arranged itself into a perfect circle, no head or tail to be seen. Matt tipped his head as he tracked your eager circling of the room, the barest little smirk quirking his lips. You scanned around for anything new, hunting along the walls and the bookshelves that had managed to migrate their way into the bedroom once your shared office slash library had gotten too full. Books had a tendency to breed like rabbits between you and Matt. “Where?” “Your nightstand. I figured you’d probably want to dive in.”
You darted over towards your nightstand.
“No way,” you breathed, sitting down on your side of the bed and snatching up the first of the three new hardbacks he’d placed on your nightstand. “This one—I thought it was going to take another week at least before they released it. How did you…?” “I kept checking with Hanna every time I passed by her bookstore.” He cleared his throat as you flipped open your new copy of Dante’s Divine Comedy to a random page, the much-loved scent of new paper and ink filling your nose. “Eventually she took pity on me and finally let me buy this one early with cash. Although she wasn’t sure why you wanted this one when you have so many other translations already.”
“It’s Palma’s new translation,” you murmured distractedly, dragging your finger down the flowing lines of poetry, your eyes skimming rapidly over the page. You could already spot some of the changes. “I have the first translation he did of the Inferno, but this is the first time he’s done the entirety of the Divine Comedy, and he’s tweaked his previous translation. It’s supposed to mimic the rhyming scheme Dante created more closely. Not easy when you’re shifting it from Italian to English. Dad’s going to have kittens when he hears the Devil got me my copy before he got his.”
Even without looking at him, you could feel Matt’s smug satisfaction. “You should call him so I can hear him swear.” “Call him yourself if you want to rub it in.” You snorted in amusement at Matt’s neverending desire to goad your adoptive father Ciro, who admittedly had a habit of goading back. At the very least their jabs had become less hostile over the years, the two of them now closer to sparring partners than actual enemies. You leaned over to look at the other two books Matt had gotten you, your brows shooting up. “And you got me Emily Wilson’s translations of the Illiad and the Odyssey? You’re spoiling me, husband dearest.” “You said last month you were thinking about picking them both up. I figured I’d check if they were there.” There was a rustle of blankets behind you, and a slightly irritated, ‘mrrp?’, presumably as Matt adjusted his feet beneath the fuzzy black hole curled up atop them. “Consider it an early anniversary gift.” “Not that I’m not grateful, but you and I both know it’s January, dear.” You set Dante back down atop the stack of books before swiveling on the bed to face Matt. You started crawling across the mountain of blankets and silk sheets toward his grinning form. “Our anniversary is months away.” “The anniversary of our first kiss, then.” His smile only grew wider when you reached him and threw your leg over him to sit astride his waist. It was something he welcomed as he always did, his hands setting aside his book immediately in favor of you. He slid his palms warmly up and down the fleece covering your thighs, pausing here and there to knead at the muscle just because he could. It never seemed to matter that he’d touched you a thousand times before. He treated every moment like this as if it were the first. “A few hardbacks are the least you deserve.” “Lines like that make me want to marry you.” You sighed, draping your arms comfortably over his broad shoulders, lifting one hand to idly card your fingers through his dark hair. He hummed beneath your touch, tilting his head openly into the fond drag of your fingers like a big cat. “Buying a woman hardbacks? In this economy? Put a ring on me, Mr. Murdock.”
“Now Mrs. Murdock, how would your husband feel about you saying things like that?” His voice was a playful purr, words thick and glutted thanks to the drag of your nails. You were pretty sure his eyes had rolled back behind his closed eyes. “He’d, mmm, hunt me down until his dying breath if I laid so much as a finger on you. As for me, my wife is… not inclined to let me go gently.”
“You’re goddamn right I’m not.” You sprawled out against his chest, dipping your head. He met you halfway, touching his lips to yours. You gave him a warm, lazy kiss, faint traces of copper and cinnamon passed from his smiling mouth to yours. The familiar taste of him, the softness of his skin, the sweet warmth of his breath in your mouth soothed you in a way little else could, and you drew him deep into you on a slow inhale, humming against his lips. His chest rumbled contentedly beneath you in response, his hands sliding up from your thighs to squeeze and rub affectionately your hips. “And don’t you ever forget it.”
“Never,” he murmured against your mouth, chasing after you to steal another kiss when you tried to lift your head. You ran your fingers through his hair again, sighing at the soft, playful brush of his tongue against your lips, giving it a mischievous nip of your own that made him rumble another pleased noise beneath you. His voice dropped further, all lazy warmth and possessive hunger, shades of the Devil coloring the edges like a painter’s brush. “Mm, my wife, all mine.” “Your wife,” you agreed fondly. “One who’s cut people before and will happily do it again if it keeps you safe.”
“Your services are very much appreciated.”
“They should be since I fully intend to sit in a pair of rocking chairs with you one day in our old age.” You brought your hand around to scratch your fingers lightly through the coarseness of his beard, making him groan breathlessly in delight, his back arching just a little beneath you. He’d been letting his beard grow in for the past week or so. You were unsure if it was by choice or if it was simply that he’d felt too busy to take the time to shave. It had been a while since you’d last seen him with a full beard, though, a few years at least. And to your pleasant surprise, there were a few changes. Your fingers petted curiously over the small patches of silver scattered around. “I’ve even kept you alive long enough that you’ve got grey here in your beard now. That’s new.” His brows rose in surprise, his eyes fluttering open where they’d fallen closed. “Really?”
“Yup. It’s very handsome.” You stroked at the prickly grey strands before your hands slid back and up to his temples, tracing the few strands of grey there just as affectionately. His cheeks had even turned the tiniest bit pink at your praise. “Some here, too. Just a little at your temples. You gonna be my silver fox, Matt?” “I guess so. That’s what I get for letting you pet all the color out over nine years.” He heaved a great sigh beneath you as if his care sheet instructions didn’t specify he get at least ten minutes of petting each day, without which he would wilt away. “You made me look old.” “Oh please. You don’t look old. You look human.” Your fingers left his hair so you could poke him pointedly in the chest. He threw you a wounded look, all furrowed brow and big sad eyes that you weren’t falling for even a little. “Also, you gave yourself those grey hairs, thank you very much. You’re the most stressed man I’ve ever met. Half of what you put yourself through would have turned anyone else’s hair white by now.”
“Fine. I’ll admit that I may have done… a few things that were somewhat stress—” “Got a building dropped on you. Fought Nobu in tissue paper. Got shot in the head. Used a neti pot to snort some fucking rusty tap water full of amoebas and tiny shrimp—”
“That last one still really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“You have no idea. One day I’m going to kiss you and taste brain shrimp, I just know it.”
He snorted. “You say that like I don’t have my own list of all the things you’ve done that have almost given me a heart attack.”
“Alright, so my list is also… a bit long.” You tilted your head, watching his eyes shift absently around. After so many years with you, he was no longer self-conscious about letting you watch his eyes this closely, much to your delight. In the low light of the bedroom, his eyes were a soft, dark brown rather than the green or grey they could shift to during the day. Beautiful as always, especially with the little crinkles at the corners of his eyes, lines that now seemed permanent even when he wasn’t smiling. You brushed your thumb over a few of those lines, your playful tone falling away into something more serious. “What if I like it, though? These parts of you that are getting older? Like these laugh lines.”
He furrowed his brow pitifully. “Now you’re telling me I’m wrinkly, too?”
“Oh, fuck you!” you huffed, his body shaking beneath you as he laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant. Stop deflecting, I’m serious.”
“I’m know you are, even if you’re telling me I’m a grey, grizzled, wrinkled husk.” He groaned theatrically, rolling his head back. “You should just bury me if I’m that old.”
“Not a chance. Not when I love everything I’m seeing. Like these…”
You leaned in and planted a kiss on the laugh lines in question, feeling them grow deeper under your lips as he smiled.
“And these…”
Another kiss, this time against one of the grey patches in his beard, making him sigh.
“...and goddamn do I love all this, too,” you murmured, sitting back so you could drag your hands hungrily down the front of him. There was no part of him you didn’t love, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t just a little obsessed with the dark hair now edging up past his shirt collar—so much of it now that he’d finally given up on shaving his chest and let it all grow back—and the slightly thicker lines of his abdomen and hips, both of them a touch softer than they had been almost a decade ago when you’d first met him. You’d know; you’d been laying on him almost every night for most of that decade, barring a few rough patches and business trips.
“Mrs. Murdock,” he breathed in feigned shock, as if he wasn’t aware of exactly how much you enjoyed both his chest hair and the whole of his body from top to bottom, “are you insinuating something about me?” “You mean like insinuating I’m the reason you now eat regularly and aren’t so dehydrated that I can practically draw a map of your veins by sight?” You squeezed at the meat of his abdomen and hips greedily, your voice growing smug as you kneaded at him. Your touch made him chuckle and squirm beneath you, only drawing more protests from the cat trying to sleep on top of his feet. “Yes. Yes, I am. You’re welcome for the health, by the way. You’re aging like a fine wine, husband dearest. And it makes me happy.”
His face softened at that, one hand leaving your hips to lay against your sternum. “If your heart wasn’t beating so steadily, I’d say you were just trying to flatter me,” he mused. “But… me getting older really is making you happy, isn’t it?”
“It is. I…”
You paused for a moment, struggling to put into words what you were feeling. His hand at your hip edged up under your shirt until he could rub his thumb soothingly at your skin, content to wait while you figured out how to say what you wanted to say.
“I think it’s that… there was a time when I wasn’t sure if you’d live long enough for me to see you grow old with me.” You cupped his face in your hands, treasuring the way his eyes fell slowly closed and he leaned into your touch so openly, so easily. It had taken so much work to get him here, where he felt comfortable accepting your love and your affection, but it had been worth every ounce of effort. You traced over his laugh lines again with your thumbs before skipping down to the faint smile lines at the corners of his mouth, a mouth that pursed to kiss your thumb when you swept one over his lips. “But you did. I’m getting to see it. That’s special to me. I want to see that… that you’re still alive, that you’re living long enough for these things to happen. I want to see all these little grey hairs, and wrinkles, and the way your body has gotten a bit softer, because every little piece of you that gets older represents a moment I didn’t know if I’d get with you.”
He drew in a shaky breath before his eyes fluttered slowly open again. And in the dark of his eyes there was such a reverent joy, such a bone-deep love filling their depths that it almost took your breath away. You’d never tire of seeing it, even if you both lived for another fifty, another hundred, another thousand years, joined in this lifetime and in whatever came next. Religion had nothing on being loved fully, wholly by Matt.
“I could say the same thing about you,” he breathed, his hand at your sternum sliding up to cradle your neck, thumb sweeping gently over the thin skin above your pulse. He pressed just a little, just enough to tug your skin back and forth. A moment later, he tugged you in until he could feather a kiss against your pulse where his thumb had been, lingering there as you nuzzled into his dark hair. “And spots like right here.”
“What’s changed there?”
“The texture of your skin. How much it moves when I touch it. I like to think,” he whispered against your throat, “that your skin’s a little looser here now, more worn in, because I’ve stroked at it so much that I’ve changed you permanently. It’s a sign of just how much I’ve touched you, how many times you’ve trusted me and let me put my hands here. It’s never mattered to you how scarred those hands were, how covered in blood. You let my love leave a mark.”
He tightened his other hand against your hip next, taking hold of the curves that had changed as you’d journeyed through the years with him. “And you’re softer now, too, just like me.” From there he smoothed his hand affectionately upwards over your ribs and up past your breasts, mapping over all of the places your body had begun to show your age like his: stretchmarks and small wrinkles where once skin had been smooth and tight, scars from old battles now faded and ragged with time. The journey his hand took was made with reverence, tender and heavy with intent, his smile so very soft and almost… wondrous. “I may not be able to see you, but I can feel you growing old with me, too, sweetheart. More curves, a few wrinkles. It’s like I can feel your body sinking deeper and deeper into a life with me.”
“That’s what happens when love winds up being your gravity.” You leaned in to kiss his forehead lines. “A decade of being drawn in by you.”
“Mhm. And up here.” He shifted his hand at your throat to cup your face like you had his, his thumb tracing the corners of your eyes. “Laugh lines. Because our life’s made you laugh so much that it changed you. They weren’t there the first time I put my hands here. But they are now. Signs of how happy you are with me. And there are more every year, because you… love me enough to stay.”
“Hey, my Devil-Man,” you whispered, tilting his head up until your forehead could meet yours. He didn’t bother to hide the vulnerability in his eyes, this old wound of his. It was mostly mended now, when it came to you, but sometimes that furrowed scar inside his heart still made him ache. “Do you need me to remind you again? I’m not going anywhere, husband of mine. There’s nowhere you’ll go that I won’t follow.”
“I know.” His eyes fluttered as you stroked at his skin. His arms left your face until he could wind them tighter around you, pulling you in tight against him until his every breath became yours. That seemed to settle him some, the weight of you against his chest, especially when you dropped your head to his shoulder, nuzzling in against his neck. “That’s… that’s just it. With me, you see… moments you didn’t think you’d have because you didn’t think I’d make it. And I didn’t think I’d have this with you, either. A home, wrinkles, greying hair. Not because I didn’t think you’d live long enough, but… but because I never thought I’d find someone who could love me enough to stay this long. To love me this long. Long enough that I could feel you grow old with me.”
“Loving you has never been a chore, Matt.” You breathed in the scent of his skin, soap and the faint copper of blood, traces of cinnamon and just him. It was a scent you knew better than your own. You lifted your hand to run your knuckles down his cheek, tracking your way through his greying beard, hoping that your touch would help your words sink in. He slid his hands up under the back of your shirt to drag his palms smoothly down your back, comforting himself with the feel of your skin as he tilted his head, listening to your heartbeat. It wasn’t because he thought you were lying, that much you knew. But he’d told you once he found the truth soothing when hearing something that might make him feel otherwise vulnerable. Something like this, this old wound of his, absolutely qualified. “And it never will be, no matter what comes at us. If you need me to remind you of that every day, I will. I’ll tell you that over and over again, until the day we die and get buried in matching coffins.”
“The same coffin,” he said quietly, tipping his head to nuzzle at your temple. “There’s a reason we took ‘Till death do we part’ out of our vows. No parting, even in death.”
“Do they even sell double coffins? If so, I’m down.” “Even if they don’t, I’ll tell Foggy to make sure I end up in yours with you.” “I think I should end up in yours.” “Why?” “Because everyone will just assume your coffin’s extra heavy due to your goddamn audacity.” He burst out laughing beneath you, his body shaking and almost throwing you off him entirely. “I’m just saying,” you continued, trying not to grin as he choked out more laughter, “you live your life in a very particular way, man without fear. ‘Christ, why is his coffin so heavy?’ And our friends can just say, ‘well, you know, it’s Matt Murdock’ and it’ll explain everything. No one will notice me shoved in underneath you so you can lay on top of me forever.”
“It’s a date,” he said, still huffing in amusement. A pointed paw tapped at your back before starting a walk up your spine. “Speaking of which, looks like someone’s eager to get in on the cuddling.” “Behold, offer to cuddle and both Matts will appear,” you snorted as roughly twenty pounds of scarred black cat trod his way stubbornly up and onto your shoulder, rasping out an indignant meow that sounded like he’d been smoking a pack a day for the past seven years, because how dare the two of you do this without inviting him. “I’m about to be sandwiched, I think. Hello, Mini-Matt.”
Sure enough, Matt’s smaller clone enthusiastically rammed his head against your temple, making you grunt, before doing the same to Matt’s chin. He was already purring like an old motorcycle engine in a request to get in on what seemed like a nice, cozy cuddle pile, as if Matt would ever turn the cat down. Sure enough, Matt leaned in, planting a kiss to Mini’s big fuzzy forehead before turning and laying a much gentler kiss on yours as Mini draped himself over your shoulder, stretching one paw out to pat Matt's face. “Something tells me you don’t mind, though.”
“Not even a little.”
#fanfic#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x f!reader#matt murdock#daredevil#daredevil x reader#daredevil x f!reader#fic#x reader#reader#reader insert#the red thread#daredevil: born again#daredevil born again#ddba#daredevil: born again fic#fluff#just blatant fluff#comfort#the two of them getting to grow old together like we all wanted thank you#yes there will be *bad* things coming in DDBA for him but she'll be there to keep him steady#and to patch up his wounds#also yes they have a little brownstone now cause A. comic reference B. apparently they lost the apartment for filming so i had to adjust#and C. the snap was very good on tanking housing prices so they were able to upgrade#also yes Mini Matt the Cat is there he is now a big bulldozer of a cat and he loves cuddles just as much as Human Matt does
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sorry twilight princess will always be eating holes in my brain. constantly and forever. I cannot ever be normal about it.
it's such a haunted game. you are a dead thing going through a dead world. you are something in between. you can go back but it will never be the same. you will never be the same. you are walking, constantly, through ghosts of what came before. you are exploring places long forgotten. you are the only one on this path because there is no one else that can walk it. you were just a farm boy. you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. right place at the wrong time? wrong place at the right time? you were just supposed to deliver a sword.
#twilight princess#loz#gnawing on how isolating it feels. how othering#its one of my favorite threads of all the games tbh i LOVE the different ways each explore loneliness#like im thinking about areas like the lost woods and the temple of time and the city in the sky and arbiter's grounds#all these places that are so empty or have been forgotten by the world around them#and then even places like castle town that were so full of life but you walk through it first when it's only populated by ghosts#you know the bones of every place before you ever know it's heart#sorry for yapping in the tags again i just have a lot of feelings about tp and tp link in general#this game has been consuming my thoughts for almost two decades now
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i truly fucking cannot get over the image of brennan lee mulligan using the dozens of small screens surrounding him and his friends while they play dnd to play the video of him five years ago saying something integral to the campaign that they all completely missed. just the shit eating grin on his face surrounded by his own handiwork.
#can't stop thinking about that reveal#was it planned for the nightmare king arc and has been retrofitted for ankarna or has brennan been planning this the whole time???#I hope it was the former because he must have been so sad that that thread got lost in all the fhsy lore because he KNEW emily would lose it#god. this season is so fucking good.#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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I never talk about my personal life online cause like, I like keeping both things separated and cause I don't want to bore my followers with my life but I feel like I need to talk about this but only because I want to thank everyone here
So, deep from the bottom of my heart: thank you all so much
This year has been awful to my family, we lost our aunt in May and in September we lost my grandma
Not only that, but my mom has gone through 2 knee surgeries since August and she's still healing but can't do anything on her own, she's 100% dependent on a caretaker
And that caretaker is me lmao it's why my job let me do home office, so I could stay with her. I'm the oldest of 3 and like eldest daughter syndrome has been kicking my ass cause my mom requested I help her personally
Anyway, my social life has been basically nonexistent since August since my mom does not want to be alone and needs assistance all the time
Which is why I've been drawing so much, like non stop as a way to cope, and it does help a lot!
So when I started drawing for the linked universe au and seeing such a warm and nice reception from everyone, it was so healing to me! Like it's been helping me go through everything so much, seeing everyone engaging with my stuff and replying and asking me questions
It's just so so so great, it makes all these awful months feel so far away
So again thank you all, from the bottom of my heart! Like you guys are seriously the best 🥹❤️ you don't know how much I appreciate you all
#super deleting this later cause talking about my life is so embarrassing#but i needed to express my thanks#ive lost so much weight since my aunt died back in may cause of all the grief and now cause of all the stress#my mental health is hanging by a thread and the linked universe fandom is holding on to it lol#ANYWAY so embarrassing i hate expressing emotions LMAO i'll shut up now
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It's looking like there's a growing divide between Campaign watchers and Tlovm watchers in terms of like. We're here for the characters. 12-episode seasons aren't. They can't be. I'm already making peace with everything we'll lose in the Mighty Nein show, and I know I will enjoy it for what it is but I also know that almost nothing that made the story so special will translate to the screen, because turning it into a show automatically means (in this day and age) that plot must be the number one priority. They've already come out and told us it's going to be different, the characters we know and love but new stories.
Because that's how this has to work. And I feel bad for campaign one lovers, because while it is certainly the easier of the two to translate to a big, overarching story, even though it's a more "traditional" high fantasy story with easier archetypal characters, the archetypes and the plot aren't what cemented most people's love for the campaign. So much of the love for critical role is stored in the interpersonal dynamics and the payoff that comes from hundreds of hours of tiny interactions that one day become cornerstones of development and even affect or dictate the plot.
There's no room for that. There's no room for Bard's Lament in a story that cannot afford to remove and replace a main character. A lot of tlovm is for people who have been here for all of campaign one. Most of it, however, isn't. It's for a new crowd. While CR may have creative control, you can bet your ass that there were months and years devoted to figuring out how to map a character-focused love of the show into a plot that hits the right beats to be viable in the show market.
And it worked. Tlovm has consistently high viewing numbers, and its popularity has brought and will continue to bring new people into the universe who have never interacted with CR previously. That's not a bad thing - imagine finishing your favorite show and discovering it has another FIVE HUNDRED HOURS of the equivalent of behind the scenes content. That's incredible for these newcomers. But man, it is in many ways a loss for us.
#Tlovm spoilers#In some ways it's like looking into a dark mirror#And this is again with a story that's relatively easy to plot with clear arcs and themes#The mighty Nein was a sandbox that was entirely character driven in terms of where they went and what they did#It has a few loose arcs but even the fact that molly died so early#The fact that he haunts the remainder of the show#That's going to be lost. Its impact on Yasha and on beau who spends the rest of the campaign looking for a chance to do what he did#The fact that his death tied narratively into Caleb getting the spell for their hut - their home - and nearly crying#Knowing he had a way to keep them safe after they lost one#None of that is plottable#I'm losing my thread of thought and I have to work but. I don't even know if sad is the right word#Because CR has gotten so far. So much further than anything of its kind.#There is much joy here and I will adore seeing the Nein#But it's okay to acknowledge that capitalism strips away the ability to focus on the heart of critical role#And that's why the live play media is so special#That's literally what makes it special and what makes the story so impactful#Critical role
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i loathe real life men all day and then i log in here and look at pictures of the two somewhat offputtingly incestuous guys from supernatural and i am sane again..has anyone else tried this
#theyre like a lost lover i keep a photo of in a locket and look at and admire when i need strength#and the locket is my Apple iPhone 14#wincest#sam and dean#samdean#sam and dean keeping me on by. a THREAD from killing every man alive i cant lie
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[DC] doodled these two a lot this week
#clam draws#dc#kon el#kontent#Conner kent#superboy#cassie sandsmark#wonder girl#this started bc I was thinking about how they have similar outfits and parallel journeys to like masculinity and femininity I think#and part of it is due to the differences in 2000s and 90s culture but also I think this is geoffs fault#like perhaps Cassie does get euphoria from presenting more femme but it’s written by men who just didn’t find her appealing before#and kon well he already lost the jacket and had designs changes before tt03 but there’s still a noticeable difference I think in the way#he presents himself demeanor wise after johns#and ofc johns meant none of this but I like a silly spider am crawling over it and just making my own narrative threads p#as in like oh they’re in a new stage in their life and they have to wrestle w their identities as one does#but like eventually find a new middle ground?#like yeah I can make a narrative#but if I haddd to choose what they’d do instead like if I were in charge of tt03 and told to make them fit 2000s culture I would have at lea#at least made them grunge or smth idk .#what am I even saying#dc clamics
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Random thought the other day was about Nynaeve and the way her arc is completely different from the other young characters because her arc is one of reinvention.
Her path was already set, but the Wheel threw her a curveball and prompted her to ask more out of her life. She had a community, a job, a life set up in the Two Rivers but Moiraine stepped into her cave and suddenly Nyn had a quarter of life crisis. She didn't have to uproot her life to follow her friends, on the road, in the Tower, but she did, aware that this new start would completely shatter her life.
When you think about it, her story is the equivalent of going back to college, well after finishing college, to take up an entirely new studying path, only to keep an eye on her friends. Of course, it's not only that and there's a great deal of self-repression in her rage against Moiraine.
In some ways, Moiraine crystallized a lot of what she's afraid to want, because this isn't the path she herself chose. But following her friends was her choice, and her friends chose not to follow the life Nyn had picked as hers. To an extent she feels they are rejecting her by not following her path.
It is growing pains, even more than for the rest of the EF because this was supposed to be it. She was supposed to be done with the growing. She was supposed to be the mentor, the wisdom, the adult. Except she's not. She refuses to mourn the life she thought she had and rages again that new path calling to her. Although at that point it is the only way forward, and in a direction she doesn't want to go in because she doesn't recognise herself in the woman standing at the other end.
Yet, there are so many breathtaking views on that path: her friends, Lan, the promise of more knowledge, more understanding.
It's a terrible, infuriating, intolerable feeling to be seized with the realization that the choices she made in building herself don't fit her desires anymore, and that in order to find a life that fits she will have to cut parts of herself and regrow and let grief in for the girl she leaves behind.
Nynaeve is an incredible character and I'm excited to see what's in store for her in s3. She's a very adult relatable mess and we need more grown messy women in fiction.
#The wheel of time#nynaeve al'meara#Wot meta#Wot on prime#Remblai#Also to love Nynaeve is to love Moiraine because Moiraine is Nynaeve in 20 years and I will die on this hill#Bsky thoughts from the other day#I really need to backup my thoughts seriously#I have light knows how many threads lost to the aether on x#Like a raging sun#I don't talk nearly enough about Nyn
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imogen fumbling shit is just eternally good fodder for memes, alright. and its at least partly BECAUSE of how powerful she is. someone tripping while using a nerf gun? funny. someone dramatically hoisting up an outfit matchin heavy death laser gun and then immediately tripping and landing on their face? phenom. sometimes she goes "GROVEL" and the enemies grovel and we all go "oooooh" and "aaaahhh" and sometimes she just gets fully ignored and gets so huffy and petulant and ineffectually burns a cantrip just to be petty about it. sometimes she smites her enemies into dust with one move and renders a tree in half after threatening and other times she fucking. falls down a flight of stairs and accidentally sets everything on fire. fires a gun at her own team. loses all her hair. turns blue. etc.
Imogen lifts a humongous sand squid into the sky with her mind powers. Imogen is also falling out of a sky ship and landing on the desert sand far below and just. lying there. while her friend plays the flute in the background. epic hot failgirls NEED the HEIGHT to FAIL FROM. u gotta swing and miss sometimes!!! AND you gotta be REAL petty about it when u miss!!!! fucking fantastic.
#its like how fjord with no dignity is fantastic because fjord is Hot and Charismatic and ClearHeaded under pressure but also#has never had a good experience with an animal despite being wild mother follower. tried to yell a flower into submission (and failed).#u have to take ur hottest and most powerful warriors and make them eat shit every now and then with the same zealousness that they#absolutely wreck shop#I apologize I know I've reblogged like four posts about it its just so delightful#critical role#c3e58#cr spoilers#imogen temult#shitpost#spar speaks#god with fjord and imogen there's just something about extremely powerful anxiety ridden Universes Personal Joke characters huh#whoops. I guess I might have a weakness after all.#theres a separate post about how her fucky morals and general anxiousness also collide hilariously but i realized i was losing the thread#what portion of it i hadnt already lost at least
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Sorry if you have been asked this before but I was wondering is there some reason why Kubo never really showed too much regarding Rukia’s feelings towards Renji ? It’s not only her but even Gin & Ichigo with Rangiku & Orihime !! Like he gives enough so people can sense something but he doesn’t give a lot away. Is it about interpretation or he just simply doesn’t want to write romance too deeply ??
Kubo has said quite plainly that he doesn't want to put romance at the forefront. I think he's said this various times in various ways, but here's a pretty definitive quote from an interview he gave at the 2018 San Diego Comicon:
Q: Speaking of Ichigo's relationships with his friends, there seems to be a love triangle between Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime. Do you delve more into this in later volumes? A. Tite Kubo: (laughs) I get asked about that a lot! I don't want to make Bleach into a love story because there are much more exciting things about their personalities and things that they can do instead of getting into the romance aspect of their relationships.
Kubo's answers are sometimes a little cheeky, but I don't see any reason to read this as anything other than face value. He may have had additional reasons to leave romance out of the story--it's a shounen and he didn't think that stuff would be of interest to the core of his readers, he didn't want to deal with angry ship opinions, etc, etc, but the long and short of it is the guy said "this is not a kissing story" and it's not.
Not to get too nitpicky--this was an interview, there's some degree of translation involved--but I actually find this kind of funny because while I agree that it's not a romance, I would *absolutely* classify Bleach as a love story. Bleach is about 600 love stories. It's about the love between a boy and his precious friends, the love between big brothers and little sisters, about the love between captains and lieutenants, about love that can only be expressed in battle, about love that turns poisonous and corrupts, about love that saves and purifies, about a love for the world you live in and want, with all your heart to make better. And while it's not a romance, I think it is about romantic love as well.
So, even though that's the real reason, I think it is also perfectly in-character for Rukia to act the way she does and I want to yap about it. I can tell right now this is gonna get long, so I am going to put it under a cut.
Just to get it out of the way up-front, I will briefly cover the other characters you mentioned. Both of this could easily merit their own essay, but I want to talk about Rukia, so I'm gonna keep it brief.
My interpretation on Gin and Rangiku is that they were not on romantic terms at any point of the canon timeline. My guess is that when she made it to the Academy and caught up with him again, it very quickly became obvious that he was no longer being genuine with her, and I think she cut him off. He is on a mission for revenge; she doesn't understand why he acts the way he does and distances herself from it. That being said, I (and I think many people?) find their parting scenes to be deeply, tragically romantic. I think this depends on your definition of "romantic." It never would have worked. He ruined it. If he had lived, it would change nothing. But Othello loved Desdemona, too. A story being a tragedy doesn't preclude it being a love story.
Ichigo is a teenage boy with a heart the size of three worlds. I think the amount of emotion he would like to leak out of his body is zero. I think the amount of emotion that does leak out of his body is so high that the signal-to-noise ratio makes it very difficult to discern anything meaningful. My reading of Bleach is that he does have special feelings for Orihime and that they are a slightly different flavor than he has for other people, but it's super hard to tell because he makes the same loving puppy eyes at Chad and Uryuu and Renji and Grimmjow. This guy is constantly torn between loving everyone he knows with the luminosity of a small star and trying to act too cool for school. Also, he's very young. He's still figuring this out, too.
Okay! Let's talk about Rukia!!!
The thing about Rukia is that she is really, really uncomfortable expressing affection. In the flashback scenes where she talks about how much she admired Kaien and Miyako, she's shown standing far away and looking at them from a great distance. When Byakuya compliments her bankai, she squeezes her eyes shut and has to look away.
Ukitake comments at how remarkably "open" he finds her to be with Orihime, even though what they are actually doing is training. You want to see a love confession? Here's Rukia's love confession to Orihime from We Do (Knot) Always Love You (Renji is here, too):
Feeling a little shy and fidgety, Rukia hesitated a few times as she replied to Orihime. "Th-that's because, Inoue I consider you……my……b-best girl-friend! So therefore……I thought…I should tell you first……" She spoke as her last few words became a little mumbled. "……your face is redder than the time I asked you to marry me ya know." "Sh-shut up!!"
A thing I really like about this though, is that while it is portrayed as something that sometimes holds Rukia back in her relationships, it's not portrayed as some sort of fatal flaw. She's a private person, and that's ok. This isn't a quality we often get to see female characters have. If this were a romance story, maybe we'd have to see her overcome this, but it's not! It's an action story and Rukia is a cool and stoic character, which is exactly how she wants to be!
I'm always pounding my shoe on the table over this, but I really, genuinely think that a significant chunk of Renji's character/personality design was specifically to be Rukia's love interest, which I think is based as Hell of him. He's good-looking, he's cool, he's devoted to her, he's powerful along the rules of the worldbuilding, but not in a way that overshadows her. And he meets her where she is.
The scene where Renji carries Rukia down the 8,000 flights of Soukyoku Hill stairs is, in my opinion, the most romantic scene in all of literature. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Rukia is so upset about being rescued, she is cannot stand the fact that anyone cares about her, or worse, that they would risk themselves for her. It's so clear that Renji understands this, and in the gentlest possible terms, asks her to accept his (and Ichigo's) help, as if she has any say in it at this point. He doesn't even make eye contact as he very obliquely says Let us care about you.
This causes Rukia, the most repressed woman in the universe, to hunch in on herself so that he can't see her cry and then he tells her to shut up. I am making little graspy hands at my computer as I write this. This is so good. Imagine. Imagine someone understanding you so well that they would spare you from your own emotions in this way. I am going insane.
This is not a Hallmark Christmas movie. This is a love story for those of us who struggle to connect with others.
I want to kind of hop out and say that I think there's a certain kind of person (me), who gets interested in romances almost exclusively from stories that have little-to-no romantic content. This is not an accident. For me, this is how I like it. I want to read about characters who save the world and I want them to be very business-up-front about it. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't mind if they kissed on screen once, but I don't need it. I have an imagination for that. I have fanfiction for that. I literally want them to do it on their own time. You know what's romantic to me? Meaningful looks. Backing each other up. Fighting in synch. Matching outfits. This is romance to me, and I think Rukia might actually agree with me.
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This isn't to say that this is all of Rukia and Renji's relationship. I think they have talked about feelings, I think they've probably held hands and kissed or whatever, but where and when and how it happened is their own business. I think Renji probably wouldn't have minded getting one on-panel smooch, but this feels exactly how I think Rukia would want her relationship portrayed: We looked very cool and then, several years later, we were married.
Oh, and they also very much did get the horniest panels in all of Bleach, which, weirdly enough, I think Rukia would also approve of.
#renruki#rukia kuchiki#renji abarai#i definitely lost the thread of this post somewhere in the middle i'm sorry op#if anyone reads this and thinks 'poly by your own argument rukia would absolutely hate being in your fanfiction' that is correct#my fanfiction is for renji
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Was makin a muscle study for fun and it wound up being that sunset shimmer anthro design I made because I'm delusional. good times. And of course I got carried away and didn't stop there
Twilight is ready.
#yeah I'm on that delusional grindset#completely in my own head about these characters#in too deep#it is what it is#the least marketable mlp anthros lmao#my fault for giving rarity big booby#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#pony posting#anthro#furry#beefy#I think drawin backs is an art#I'm on this comical situation that my art is super inconsistent atm lmao. 'cause I'm threading the waters of whats marketable#so i can keep food in the table#and it seems pretty consistent that what I like drawing is not well received#so thats same as it ever was lmao.#I'm getting a bit tired of drawing in general tbh. Diminishing returns#Also to those that get it yeah the scars are there because she lost her demon wings#thought itd be fun to symbolize#Im drawin this character like she can do re4 flipkicks
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Everyone on the internet going “but where was Rio at the end of the episode?? Where did she go?? Why wasn’t she with the rest of the coven???” Like. BABES. There was a DEAD BODY in that house. A DEAD HUMAN BODY. There was a dead human body IN THE HOUSE. Sit on it. Think for a second. Yeah? Yeah?? Thereeee we go you go there 👏🏼👏🏼
#instagram threads is a wild place#it is absolutely astonishing to me how many people have no idea what is happening in this show#and more than that#just have absolutely no concept of Agatha as a character#I’m 99% sure most of these people don’t even realize she’s queer#I might lost my mind if I have to read another tweet by a straight man about any of these witches#anyway!! thanks for being gay tumblr and understanding character nuance 👍🏼#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#aaa spoilers#agatha spoilers#agatha harkness#rio vidal#lilia calderu#jennifer kale#alice wu gulliver#teen#kathryn hahn#aubrey plaza#agatha x rio#agathario#vidarkness#agatha teen#marvel
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I love you guys. I hope you know that.
Like.
Ok so I posted the new TRT chapter the other day. Obviously. And I had to force myself to do it, to click that final, 'post' button because at that last moment, this big wave of imposter syndrome hit (that had already hit on and off as I'd started working on the chapter again). And it was just this cycle of, 'It's been like 6 months since you posted a chapter or anything other than a couple one-shots and you're out of practice, I bet it's bad, it's probably terrible, I bet everyone's left and no one cares about this thing you love so why do you? What if no one likes it, you're gonna drop this and everyone's gonna god 'wtf is this, pasta? what happened?'' And so I forced myself to post it, took my meds to ensure I slept, and then kinda just bunkered down and slept/hid because I was halfway convinced that all the trauma in the previous six months had just bopped any ability I had to write.
Instead I got this outpouring, of just like, 'WELCOME BACK' and people telling me they're happy that mom is ok (which made me cry but in a good way) and they're sorry Cato passed away (more tears, but comforted tears), but also delightful jokes about the funny lines I put in or screaming over that romantic line or about missing Jane and the dynamics and comments about being eager for the next chapter, and how now I can be one of those AO3 authors with those notes of 'yeah my life blew up so I was delayed, but hey I'm back!' which... yeah. And much like when I first started TRT, I didn't... really expect that at all, and it's made me really emotional.
So if you've dropped into my ask box or the comments or the replies, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, because the excitement and love and just you all being the best little fam and continuing on this journey of TRT with me - a journey that has now included both Matt and Jane's journey, and a real life journey through a pandemic, a huge move, a passing of two of my pets, my mom's hospitalization and recovery, some heart issues, the cancellation and resurrection of the show, me meeting Charlie Cox and getting him to hold a red thread, my first wood carving event, etc - and I know I say this a lot, but you all really, really help me keep going when things get hard. I'd write TRT for nothing, I would, because I love this story and I intend to see it through, but ya'll just... I love you all tons. I'm hoping to get through the asks and fic comments and replies in the next few days, but I just wanted you guys to know that.
#i cannot understate how much i cried when i woke up and saw all the comments#and then when i posted about the chapter being up and got a bunch of excitement i just like#i was SO convinced i'd lost something after all the bad things and that some part of me had been lost in it#especially writing a chapter without my old kitty who had sat with me through every goddamn chapter#since the day i first sat down to write it#but the reactions have just... they were really comforting#so thank you#the red thread#and now we look forward to so much more <3
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