#i lived next to a girl in college who woke me up every morning by slamming her dresser drawers with an inhuman force

[umemiyan]

i’m continuously baffled by how some people just seem to live in a constant state of being loud 😭 like slamming cabinets and doors and the fridge and stomping on the floor like hello but do you have absolutely no awareness of anyone or anything else in your environment outside of yourself???? or do u just not care

[baocean]

boy next door

jjmaybank x neighbor!reader

you’d just moved to the outer banks, borderline obsessed with your super cool, friendly neighbors. one in particular, the cute blond who happens to have noticed you too.

warnings - smut, unprotected sex (don’t do that! be safe!), swearing

you had only moved in a few weeks prior. into a gorgeous house right on the water, with a beautiful wrapped around porch and a dock a few hundred feet from your back steps.

almost immediately, you were intrigued by the loud, messy teenagers who lived next door. who were out by the fire until late and who woke up early to go run their shop.

particularly, you were fascinated by the pretty, tall blond who walked around in loose shorts and no shirt, always had a cap on backwards, always fishing. the perfect boy next door.

the first part of your summer home from college was spent helping your parents unpack, learning your way around town, tanning, and watching the blond from your window.

you weren’t sure what his name was. you’d heard plenty of names being called, ones like ‘sarah’, ‘pope’, ‘j-b’. you had never been able to track down his.

you knew sarah was the girl with long blonde hair. she was pregnant, a little bump showing after a while.

john b was her boyfriend, or partner, or whatever. he was always wearing a bandana, liked surfing and loved sarah.

pope was the dark skinned boy, he always groaned when his name was called like ‘pooooopppppeeee’.

they seemed like nice, good people. looking out for each other, helping out when one needed another’s help, sitting out at the picnic table for dinners and laughing for hours on end.

you kind of longed to be a part of them. you had your friends at school, plenty of them, actually. but you were new here, with nobody but the guys at the bar who hit on you.

and that’s how you found yourself at their front door one day. home alone, parents at work, you were baking some cookies.

you had wandered over, knocking on the door, rocking back and forth on your feet as you waited for an answer.

and like god himself answered your prayers, the blond’s head peaked into your view. he did a once over on you, deeming you not dangerous, and opened the screen door a touch.

“hey there, pretty.” he greeted. ah, so he was a sweet talker. you smiled at him, tucking your cheek in between your teeth.

“hi, um, i’m yn. i moved in next door a few weeks ago. i was wondering if i could borrow some sugar?” you teetered back and forth.

“yn,” he tasted your name, let it sit on his tongue, “yeah i’ve seen you around. you go running at ten every morning right? and you’re always tanning.”

you nodded, kind of taken aback that he noticed you like you had him.

“oh, sugar, yea, let me grab you some. sarahhhhhhhh?” he turned to call into the house.

the girl trudged slowly down the stairs, her stomach a little bigger from the last time you noticed it. you wondered what it was like, being pregnant.

“oh hi! what’s up?” she greeted you, turning to the blond to question him.

“do we have sugar?” he ran a hand through his hair, an unfamiliar motion for you, he’d always had a cap on when you’d watch him.

“yeah, how much do you need?” she turned back to you, a kind, warm smile on her face. she was even more beautiful up close.

“about two cups should be good.” you nodded, giving her a polite smile.

“okay, i’ll be right back!” she cheerfully walked away, leaving you alone with the boy again.

he turned to you, brazenly giving you a once over. “where’d you move from?”

“oh, uh, wisconsin.” you answered. your parents had moved here for work, thankful you’d have less snow and much more sun.

“wow, crazy move. didn’t know they had such pretty things in a place like…wisconsin.” he laughed quietly. you noticed his dimples, simply another thing to add to your fascination. you blushed and turned away, but his eyes stayed on you as you turned to take in their porch.

“this is a really pretty house.” you admired. there was a few wind chimes, some lounge chairs, a couple abandoned beer cans. it was homely, truly lived in.

“yeah, i guess so.” he nodded, his gaze never leaving you.

right there, after no more of a minute after meeting yoy, he decided you were the best thing this earth had to offer. the way your hair sat perfectly on your shoulders, your legs, the bracelets on your wrists, the dot of flour on your cheek.

“oh shit, sorry. i’m jj, by the way.” you turned back to him. you’d heard that name, usually followed by some scolding comment.

you smiled at him, earning yourself another dimpled one in return.

sarah returned, handing you a baggie filled with sugar, smiling at you again. being so close, you noticed the ring on her finger. so john b was her husband.

“here you go…” she trailed off. “yn.” both you and jj answered at the same time, you chuckled.

“well, it’s nice to meet you yn. you’re always welcome to any of our baking supplies.” sarah handed you the baggie, smiling once more before disappearing into the house.

“what are you making, girlie?” jj asked you, not quite ready for you to leave his view yet. he wanted to drink you in just a tiny bit more, not caring if it was greedy.

you giggled at the nickname, you were sure you hadn’t been called that since you were six years old.

“chocolate chip cookies.” you replied, two hands in front of you, holding your newly acquired sugar.

“well, if you have any extra, don’t be shy.” he grinned at you, you laughed, then nodded. deciding this was your time to leave, you turned and started down their driveway.

jj stood shamelessly at the screen door, still cracked open a tad. he watched as you walked to your door, glancing over at their house one last time, then disappeared.

you got back to baking, ignoring the bag of sugar abandoned on your kitchen counter, no need for it. you already had plenty.

only a day later, you were back on their front door. a box of cookies occupied your hands.

this time around, you were a little bit more comfortable with knocking, a little bit more familiar.

a girl answered, black hair and a suspicious look on her face.

“yea?” she was more blunt than her friends. of course, you’d seen her before. she would be the one cooking, or the one sharpening a stick into a shiv. you always found it humorous. what could she possibly need a weapon for?

“hi, i’m yn. we’re neighbors, i, uh, borrowed some sugar yesterday and thought i would return the favor.” you shyly replied.

“who’s at the door, cleo? oh! hi yn!” sarah wobbled into frame from somewhere in the house, with the same inviting smile.

“hi sarah! i thought i would bring you some of the cookies, as a thank you for the sugar.” you offered the cookies to the girls, sarah stepping around cleo to open the door for you.

“thank you! that’s so sweet of you, really. you didn’t have to.” her eyes softened, taking the box into her own hands.

“when did you move in?” cleo asked you, you told her the same story you told everyone else who didn’t recognize you around the island.

you kept glancing over the girl’s shoulders, hoping to catch a passing glance at jj.

“do you have dinner plans tonight?” sarah asked you, breaking you out of your trance. you shrugged, “usually i just eat with my parents at the club.”

“eat with us tonight! we can have your cookies as dessert.” sarah chimed, cracking open the leftover box and digging her hand into the cookies.

“yeah, if you don’t eat them all first. yn, we would love to have you. i always make too much food anyways.” cleo offered a smile to you for the first time since you’d met.

you tried not to accept their offer too quickly. but after they bid their goodbyes, thank you’s, and see you tonight’s, you ran giddy as ever back to your own home.

after an everything shower, blow dryer and sprawl of makeup thrown carelessly onto your bathroom counter, and a pile of clothes on your bed, you were walking over to the front door of your neighbors house.

you knocked, although you were unsure it would be heard over the music playing from the speaker inside the house. thankfully, cleo voice’s called ‘come in’.

she was leaning over the pots and pans on the stove top, singing along to the lyrics of the music. john b and sarah were at the table, looking at directions to assemble some baby product. pope was dancing, coming close to cleo, wrapping his arms around her and forcing her to swing with him, despite her protests.

jj, much to your dismay, was no where to be found.

cleo turned away from pope’s kiss, smiling when she saw you, “hey yn.”

this got sarah’s attention, your name ringing through the house as she stood up to greet you with a hug.

john b and pope curiously stared at you, not a clue in the world who you are.

“j-b, pope, this is our neighbor yn. oh my god, you have to meet kie! kieeeeee!” sarah pulled away from you, showing you off to her husband and her friend.

jj came bounding down the steps, catching sight of you in his kitchen. you sighed happily at his normal attire, only a pair of shorts lowly hanging at his hips.

“hey, girlie. how’re you?” he asked, never neglecting a chance to drink you in.

“i’m good, how are you?” you asked him, he shrugged and gave you an infamous dimpled smile. “better now.”

you couldn’t help but hope it was because of you, blushing at the thought.

another girl came in from the back door, one you presumed was kie. she saw you, eyebrows raised at a stranger in her kitchen.

“kie! kie, this is yn. yn, this is kie.” sarah grabbed kie, throwing an arm around her.

“hi, nice to meet you.” kie gave you a hug, instantly comfortable around you, you liked her already.

“we’re having burgers.” cleo informed the group, a bunch of ‘mhmmm’s earned in return.

only a few minutes later, everyone was gathered around the table. you were sitting particularly close to jj, you pretended not to notice when he silently forced john b away from you, so he could be the one to sit next to you.

sarah gave everyone a look and the group joined hands, naturally gaining a confused expression from you.

“we pray before every meal.” jj whispered to you, gathering your hand in his before you had time to think.

only, when everyone chanted ‘amen’ and let go of each other, jj kept your hand in his for a beat longer. only because you were so warm, of course.

his eyes were on you the whole night, shameless and curious. he engraved the way you laughed into his mind, how well you got along with everyone, how you could dish back the meaningless trash talk, how you could actually keep up with pope’s smart talk.

you didn’t mind, of course. you were just the same, sneaking peaks at him when he would tussle with his best friends. you noticed the time when he took a bite of his food, the juice sliding down his chin, making your stomach flutter.

as expected, the night turned into roasting marshmallows around the fire, everyone snuggled up in blankets and sweatshirts, music from a speaker being drowned out by the conversation.

you had a blanket wrapped around you, trying to hide the fact you were still shivering.

“yn, come with me, i’ll grab you a sweatshirt.” jj popped up from his seat, abandoning the beer and cookie he had coddled.

his friends eyed the two of you as you silently walked into the house, hushed whispers and giggles about the way jj was acting around you.

you’d pictured the way his room looked, you pictured you in it. it was pretty much exactly how you imagined. dresser with clothes deserted on top of it, a bed with a dark blanket hastily thrown on top, a bedside table with…a bright pink stanley tumblr placed on top of it.

jj saw you eyeing it, only assuming you were imagining the worst. a girl. “uh, sarah got it for me for christmas. i kept stealing hers. she thought pink would be funny. does a hell of a job keeping my shit cold, though.”

you let out a betraying sigh of relief, and jj chuckled to himself.

he pulled open his closet door, holding an arm out as a signal for you to pick whatever you wanted out of it.

you eyed the selection, lots of t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, a few jackets. but, you decided on a thick sweatshirt, one you knew would keep you warm.

you picked it off the hanger, throwing it on. the scent of boy hit you, hard.

jj, completely entranced with how you looked in his clothes, cleared his throat. “looks good on you, pretty.”

“you think so?” you looked up at him with sweet eyes, and jj almost moaned right there.

he nodded much quicker than he should have, giving you that silent push of validation that had you craving more.

you spent the night nuzzled in a chair with jj, the hood over your head and a blanket up to your chin. he insisted you sit with him, to make sure you’d stay warm.

at midnight, john b finally decided to call it a night, heading inside to join his wife, who had tapped out long ago.

“i should probably head home.” you sighed, blissfully in tune with jj’s head on your shoulder, his hand resting on the outer side of your thigh.

“shame, really.” he chuckled, pulling you up and discarding the blanket back into the chair.

you went to ease the sweatshirt off your body, but jj stopped you. “nah, keep it. gonna need it if you’re gonna be spending more time here.”

you slept in his hoodie that night, couldn’t bring yourself to take it off.

it had been a week since that night. you kept cooking small, mindless meals and bringing it over, finding some excuse. ‘i made too much’, ‘i thought sarah would like this’, ‘i tried out a new recipe, what do you think?’.

after the second time, jj caught on. he’d make any excuse to stay home from whatever ordeal the pogues were up to, just to get some extra alone from you.

like usual, you had a leftover container filled with some recipe, trotting over to your neighbors house.

jj was out front, fixing up some old bike. shirt off, ball cap on backwards, like always. just the way you liked him.

when he noticed you, he smiled and stepped away from the bike. “hey, pretty thing.”

“hi, jj.” you sang, music to the blond’s ears.

“whatcha got for me this time?” he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him.

“some buffalo chicken dip. sarah said she was craving it last night, so i thought i’d make her some.” he nodded, wondering how you got to be so sweet, and took the container from you.

“hey, it’s hot as fuck out here, wanna go swimming?” jj asked you, throwing the container on the porch, he swear he’d take it in later.

your eyes danced around the property to see if any other strays were running around. “i’m home alone, everyone else is out. if that’s what’re wondering.”

so, you nodded. “i gotta grab my suit. come?” jj jumped at the chance, following you like a lost puppy dog into your yard, staying a step or two behind so he could look at your ass as you walked.

this was new territory for him. the newly furnished home, obviously belonging to someone with some wealth.

but, he was surprised when he got to your room. it lacked…personality. something he’d learned you had so much of. there were a few photos, some books, and some nicknacks, but nothing that was really, you. all your things were in your college apartment. the things that really showed who you were.

you reached into a neatly arranged drawer, pulling out a too tiny bikini and turned towards your bathroom. “be right back.”

jj stood in your bedroom, examining the few photos you did have.

the door opened and he spun around, breath flying out of his lungs when he saw you.

“can you tie this for me?” you asked him, turning around to show him the two strings of fabric you had scrunched in your fist.

“f’course, girlie.” he closed the space between you, grabbing the fabric from you.

delicate fingers grazed the skin of your tanned back as he tied the strings into a little bow. jj couldn’t help but think ‘lord if you can hear me, please let me take this thing off her later’.

once he was done, his hands dropped, his right hand tapping your hip once. you turned around, smiling innocently.

the both of you made your way out to his boat dock, small talk and jokes and ‘girlie’s.

“let’s go on the boat. i’ll let you drive it.” jj smiled, his words laced with sarcasm, made you laugh.

jj was playing music, the sun was shining down, you were tanning on the bow as jj sunk the anchor. you’d been admiring him through your sunglasses. his shirt had been forgotten long ago, sunglasses over his eyes, hair in his face. he looked like a dream.

you closed your eyes again, sighing contently. then, the boat rocked, and you got hit with a splash of water.

you shot straight up, gasping at the cold water hitting your warm skin. jj popped up to the surface, laughing loudly.

“come in, pretty girl. it’s refreshing.” jj called. you went to tell him off, but his hair wet and his dimples had your brain foggy, so you laughed instead.

you slid in, wanting to let yourself get used to the water. jj, didn’t. he grabbed your legs, pulling you under the water completely.

by instinct, you grabbed onto his arm, completely unaware that jj had just accidentally grabbed your ass, simply just trying to get back to the surface.

you met his laughing face back up in the air. yours, stone cold. you were pissed.

“jj. that was not funny at all. what if i drowned? you could have killed me! i should ki-” you went quiet, because jj’s lips were on yours, drowning out the sound of your dramatic, but warranted rant.

your hand left his bicep, crossing over his hard shoulders. his hands stayed on your hips, a pinky pushing itself under the string of your bikini bottoms.

you pulled away, decidedly not done, “i’m mad at you.”

jj grinned, pulling you somehow even closer to him. he gave you another peck.

“don’t. i am actually extremely mad at you, jj.” you muttered, a smile fighting its way to the surface.

“yeah?” he mumbled, kissing you again.

you made a sound resembling a ‘mhm’ but the irritated mood you were in was soon long forgotten.

it was much later in the day. the sun lowering in the sky creating warm golden hue falling over the obx.

jj had fallen asleep with you slotted beside him. you were falling in and out of it, but couldn’t bear without water for another second.

you moved to get up, but jj’s freakishly strong arm tightened around your waist, when did that get there?

“did i fall asleep?” jj groaned, running his free hand over his face.

you looked at him, all messy haired and sleepy eyed, and you had to have him.

“yeah, you did. we should probably get back soon.” you smiled against his lips, pecking them.

“mmm, let’s spend some more time here.” jj mumbled, pulling you close.

in an attempt to get comfortable again, you moved your hips against jj, only realizing what you were doing when jj tensed up.

“girlie, so glad you’re comfortable, but please stop doing that.” jj cleared his throat, grabbing your hips to stop your motion.

“oh, whoops!” you giggled, twisting your head to lay kisses on his neck.

in a matter of seconds, jj was awake and alert, sitting up to pull you over his lap.

jj’s hands came to wrap around you waist, squeeze once.

you rolled your hips once, making jj groan out and drop his head to where you shoulder and neck met. only a second later, he was kissing your neck, jaw, shoulder.

smiling, you grabbed at the back of his neck, pulling him up to meet your lips again.

you’d been so lost in the kiss you didn’t notice jj’s hand reach up to your bikini top.

you pulled away to watch his reaction as he pushed the material aside.

his lips slightly parted before he poked his tongue out to lick them, leaning in a placing a kiss in the middle of your ribcage.

he took your nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

throwing your head back, your hands laced up through his hair, breathing rapidly at the sensation.

the sound of a motor snapped you out of a trance. you smacked his shoulder, jj not faltering besides looking up at you with blue eyes, filled with humor.

“jj, someone could see us.” you shunned, pushing him away.

jj just smirked, grabbing your waist and using his body to push you off the seat and onto the floor of the boat.

your body landed on his, jj moving so fast you barely had time to register him flipping you two over.

you gasped his name, laughing at him, but he was too busy kissing down your stomach to notice.

his face disappeared between your legs, a small breath leaving you when your bikini bottoms were pushed to the side.

watching him through thick lashes, he looked up and offered a smile.

his arms pushed your legs further apart, face connecting with you.

jj sucked on your clit, a finger pushing into you. the sudden sensation sent you upwards, pulling you away from him. it didn’t matter much, jj’s arms had you locked around him.

he continued, earning a moan from you, only motivation to keep him going.

it almost embarrassed you how quick you were to finishing, but with a man who looked like that doing this? who could blame you?

his hand left your thigh, pushing up your stomach, stopping in the middle of your chest. you grabbed his hand, squeezing it hard.

jj’s eyes looked up at your face every few moments, a smile spreading across his face when he noticed your nose scrunched and eyes shut.

“go ‘head, pretty.” jj’s words were muffled by your cunt, chuckling when you jolted.

your eyesight went black, crashing so hard you couldn’t do anything but whine.

a string of moans fell from your mouth, body tensing up as your entire body warmed, jj not letting up until your body fell limp.

jj was back up in line with your face in seconds, kissing you.

“you okay, girlie?” jj asked, a laugh falling from his lips.

you smiled, nodding as you laughed. he licked his lips, looking down at you.

“you know, might as well finish what we started, while we’re down here.” jj shrugged, a sly smile accompanying.

his hands traced your body as your hands fell to his shorts.

“i mean, might as well.” you followed his motion, sarcasm lacing your voice.

jj was kissing you again, moving clothes aside as your hands snaked around his neck.

he pulled away from you, a humorous smile on his face, truly in bliss.

he looked down to line himself up with you, his hair falling in his face. it was sunkissed from the sun, a yellowly blond resulting.

you’d been so focused on the color of his hair and how it felt you forgot all about the situation, jolting as he pushed into you.

his mouth hung slightly open, eyes screwed shut as he bottomed out.

“holy shit, girlie.” he groaned, his head falling into the crevice of your collarbone. he bit down lightly, rolling his hips into you.

he evened out his rhythm, starting to pull out almost completely before thrusting back in, a moan falling from your lips each time.

jj’s hands were everywhere, your hips, tits, throat, pushing your legs up to get a better angle.

he’d look down at where you two connected, then look back up at you to see how you were reacting, gaining confidence when your eyes practically rolled back into your head.

his hand slipped between your lips, rubbing lazy circles around your clit, making you clench around him.

jj gasped, slowing his pace for a moment.

“you okay?” you asked him, concern filling your eyes.

“i’m thanking the lord, hold on.” jj’s eyes closed as he kissed his finger and pointed it towards the sky.

you laughed, smacking his chest. he gave you a chaste kiss, pulling out and slamming back into you.

his hand started moving again, watching as your face scrunched up the same way as before.

“fuck, okay, i’m right behind you.” jj mumbled, staying with his pace as he watched you cum.

you cried out, nails scratching jj’s back as your back arched into him.

jj, just like he said, thrusted once more before he was tensing up.

your name and a bunch of curses were uttered from jj, his eyes closing as he came inside you.

his body fell limp on top of you, breathing heavy as his hand slid into your hair.

you could feel his smile against your skin, turning his head and kissing your cheek.

he pulled out, a groan accompanied, before falling against the seat, throwing a towel at you.

“so, you want to come to dinner tonight?” he asked, gifting you a dimpled smile.

“sure, gotta eat that buffalo dip at some point.” you smiled, getting up to grab your bikini.

when you got back to the dock, it was practically sundown. the backyard was decorated with string lights and tiki torches. your friends were outside at the picnic table, laughing.

sarah turned to you, eyes flickering between the two of you. she clocked your messy hair and jj’s red cheeks and her mouth fell open.

“you guys fucked on the boat, didn’t you?”

taglist of my lovelies - @murdockcastleslut @rudypankowisbae @ethanthequeefqueen @str4wb3rrym1lkl0v3r @coralineyouareinterribledanger @lmaowhatt @grungefck @coriiiioooooo @iluvhot-moms @doesnt-care @lilygrxcem @h3r-h3arts-with-obx @whatididforlove333 @rafegetinmybed @evjilcesa

[haetrack]

*runs into room*

corrupting sweet, innocent, virgin!haech into letting u be his dom mommy 🗣️

*runs out of room*

- ☀️

warnings: fem!reader, virgin!haechan, corruption kink, wet dream mentions, slight mommy kink, guided masturbation, wait just a handjob

a/n: haetrack returns. who’s ready.

when haechan wakes up, he’s a little confused as to why he’s so hot and sweaty. it’s not until he shifts his hips and realizes that he came in his shorts.

the dream that he just woke up from flashes through his mind. there you were on top of him, whispering into his ear. that’s all you were doing, so why is he like this?

it’s not like he hasn’t had these types of dreams with you before. dreams where your lips make close contact with his own, dreams where you touch him a little more intimately. he’s only ever woken up hard though, forcibly willing away his boner for his own sake.

but here he is, cringing at the patch of cum on the front of his boxers. it’s not like you were doing anything to him, all you were doing was sitting in his lap, pretty eyes staring down at him.

he can’t deny the little crush that he has on you. you were one of the first friends he’s made at college. you’ve stayed friends throughout all the years, and you’re still the only girl that he’s friends with. he can’t help but think that you’re cute.

this shouldn’t be a problem. he can just go clean up, take a shower, reflect on his actions, and move on with his day. except he can’t- he’s supposed to meet up with you today.

he’s mad at the world and how it decides to curse him on the worse day possible. now he has to look you in the eye and pretend that he’s been having dreams about you touching him. he doesn’t even jerk off that much, he doesn’t deserve this.

which is probably why he’s having these dreams in the first place. totally not because he might be in love with you and he wishes that one day you could touch and teach him how to have sex. not that at all.

when he heads over to your place later that day, he has to keep himself together as he knocks on your door. he looks at his feet when you open it, trying to avoid all contact with you. you’re quick to notice it though, laughing when you catch him blushing.

he brushes you off, walking into your apartment like he lives there. you pull him into your bedroom as he watches you plop into bed. it shouldn’t feel so different, but he can’t stop thinking about his dream with you.

he awkwardly shuffles to your bed, stiffly sitting next to you. you give him a questioning look, and he tries to get more comfortable. his thigh brushes against yours causing him to flinch away from you, almost as if you’ve burned him.

you raise your eyebrows at him, “are you alright? you’re acting a little weird.”

he scratches the back of his neck, “i’m fine… i just had a hard time this morning.”

you put your phone down, now intrigued, “what happened? bad dream?”

“well, not exactly… you came out in it…”

you shift your body to fully face him, now fully invested, “now you have to tell me what it was about. literally every single detail.”

haechan realizes then and there that he just made a problem for himself. you could barely count his dream as a sex dream, but telling you that would probably be the most embarrassing thing that could happen to him.

especially because you know he’s a virgin. as far as you know, he’s never dated, hasn’t had sex, and probably hasn’t kissed anyone. he keeps to himself, which is probably why he’s like this now.

when he doesn’t respond, you chuckle a bit, “was it that bad of a dream because i came out in it?”

“n-no!” of course he’s being sweet, “it’s just- you were- we…” his words quickly die in his throat, really not wanting to describe to you his dream.

your hand shoots to his thigh, and he begs every god in the world to make sure he doesn’t get hard. he stares at your hand, watches how your thumb smooths over the exposed skin from how his shorts have ridden up.

you realize that he’s gotten quiet, his chest is heaving with every breath. it really doesn’t take you long to piece together what’s happening to him. his suddenly shy demeanor, a dream with you and him in it, and how he’s reacting to just your hand touching him.

he probably dreamt about you two fucking.

it does shock you a little. is there any way your sweet, innocent friend could dream up something like that? his body is probably begging for him to get his dick wet, so it probably isn’t that crazy to think of. you might just have to help him.

you sit in front of him, your hand still messing with his thigh. he’s not looking at you, choosing to stare at his lap. you look as well, noticing the bulge beginning to tent his shorts. you start, “are you sure you don’t wanna talk about your dream?”

he doesn’t hear your words at first, quickly trying to put them together when you clear your throat. “i- um, we were like this together. that’s really it, so i don’t…”

“are you sure that’s it? because i can see you getting hard in your shorts, you know.”

his hands immediately shoot to cover up his bulge, “i-i didn’t mean to-”

you cut him off, “will you let me see?”

he lets out a gasp, “you wanna see my…”

your hands move to the tops of his, and you can feel how they twitch under yours, “i wanna see your dick, haechan? can i see it, please?”

he knows there’s an embarrassing blush on his face, but he can’t help but remove his hands from his bulge. you smile when you see the front of his shorts stretched out, his dick straining against them.

he whines when he notices you staring too long, too quiet. you glance at his face when your hand moves to trail under his shirt, feeling at the soft skin of his stomach, enjoying how his skin jumps at the feeling. “do you want me to help you?”

“i-i’ve never been touched by… anyone else before.”

you smile, “have you touched yourself?”

“i’ve tried jerking off but it just didn’t feel right-” his breath hitches when your hand goes lower, “i couldn’t get myself to… finish.”

you think about his words for a second. sitting back, a smile quickly forming on your face as you say, “i wanna see it. wanna see you touch yourself.”

his face shoots up towards yours, “i can’t do that! i-i don’t even know how!”

you move to sit on your knees, “i’ll help you!”

haechan watches as you place your hands comfortably on his thighs as if this is something you always do. he can’t say he doesn’t like it, your warm touch causing his cock to twitch in his shorts. you smile at the sight, thumbs tracing circles on his inner thighs.

haechan shivers at the feeling, clearing his throat, “should i, um, take off my shorts?”

you nod, biting your lip as you watch him peel them off. there’s an embarrassing patch of precum, his hands moving to quickly cover himself up.

you try to move his hands away, one of your hands lightly grazing his bulge, causing haechan to let out a quiet whimper. a laugh leaves you at the sound, haechan balling his hands into fist at his sides, clearly embarrassed.

he tries moving on, “can’t you just get on with it already?”

you chuckle, “if you wanna feel good, you have to tease yourself a little,” your hands move further up, dangerously close to his bulge, “can i touch you?”

he’s quick to nod, pulling down his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip leaking, practically begging to be touched. when you look at his face, he’s red, lip caught between his teeth as he gives you a shy look.

your hand hovers over his length, smiling at how it twitches at the thought of you being so close. your fingers ghost over the base, watching how his hips buck up at the feeling, way too sensitive after all these years.

your thumb teases his tip, a bead of precum spills out. you can hear how haechan’s breath hitches, trying to stop any more noises from coming out. you pull yourself away from him, “now i wanna see you try!”

he lets out an exasperated noise, “you barely even touched me!”

you shrug, “i said i was gonna teach you, you have to do the hard part.”

he huffs, hand shakily wrapping around his length. you watch as he shifts around, trying to get comfortable, taking way too long to get to it. you motion for him to give you his hand, his eyes widening as you spit onto his palm.

you let him wrap his hand around his length again, but this time, your hand holds the back of his. you move his hand up, tightening around his tip as he bucks into his fist. while you try to take it slow, he’s quick to the get the idea, trying to set his own pace.

you remove your hand from his, rolling your eyes at how he whines at the loss of contact. you sit back, watching his shaky and clumsy movements as he tries to get himself off.

“how does it feel?”

“g-good, i just- shit, can’t you help me?”

you hum, pretending to think about it as your hand trails under his shirt. your nails drag against the soft skin of his stomach, enjoying how his muscles jump at the feeling. you whisper into his ear, “didn’t think you could be such a pervert, dreaming about fucking your friend, right?”

he’s quick to deny your words, hand still moving quickly over his leaking cock, “n-no! i just- i couldn’t help it! feels so good, want you to- need you to do something!”

you sit on one of his thighs, moving to press kisses along his neck. it’s suddenly almost too overwhelming for him having you this close. your lips on his neck, tongue licking against his skin. worst of all, he can feel how warm you are between your thighs. he swears he can feel you clench on top of his thigh.

the thought suddenly hits him that you’re enjoying this too. he lets out a loud whimper, his thighs beginning to shake as he gets closer to the edge. you suck one hickey on his neck before moving back, admiring how pretty he looks right now, all desperate and fucked out from a few touches.

sounds of his moans and whimpers fill the room, almost muffling the squelch of his fist around his cock. your fingers trace the skin of his thighs, only making his thighs shake more. his head tilts back, a moan slipping out, “i’m so close to cumming, mommy, please-”

you try not to let your shock show on your face at his words, trying to fit into the role, “yeah? just need mommy to take care of you?”

too fucked out to care, haechan quickly nods, hooded eyes watching as you lower yourself down, “please, think i’m c-close, just need you!”

you swat his hand away from his length, ignoring the complaints as you wrap your hand around his cock. his whines bleed into moans as you tighten your fist around his base, your mouth moving to hover over his tip.

and when you lean over, your tongue darting out to lick at his tip, he cums all over your face with a high pitched whimper. you try to get as much as you can in your mouth, swallowing it all down.

when he comes down from his high, he’s met with the visual of you smiling so sweetly, all of his cum over your face. it’s almost enough to get him hard again, his face heating up once more.

you laugh, licking up at the cum on your lips, “how was it?”

he groans at the sight, “you’re so- does it always feel this good?”

“it’s because it was me making you feel good.” you move up to press a kiss to his lips, enjoying the whine he lets out from how messy it all feels. you mumble against him, “also, you said mommy. really? mommy? out of everything?”

he pulls away to let out an embarrassed groan, arms moving to cover his face, “i just-” he tries to find words, “i never said i didn’t know anything about sex, maybe it just popped up in my mind!”

you shake your head, “you definitely learned that from porn.” he splutters, and before he can vehemently deny your words, “i never said i didn’t like it.”

his hands find purchase on yours, his usual confidence seemingly coming back to him. “that’s good, because i think you might need to teach me some more, right?”

[bteezxyewriter12]

Back to Me

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word count- 5k

Includes- Angst, Fluff

Based on the song Back to Me by the Rose

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho @bykeynote

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Seonghwa Masterlist

Seonghwa POV

Sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, I wait for her to come home

This is the only way I can see her, the only way I know to get her to talk to me

To get her back

Called me all day

But I never pick up

Instead of pulling my weight

Always pushing my luck

Our relationship was volatile near the end

It didn't start out that way

Meeting in high school, high school sweethearts

Falling completely in love

I finally had someone who loved me, who cared, who'd do anything for me

My childhood and teenage years were awful

My parents were complete assholes and abusive

But when I met her.....it's like everything fell into place

Everything was worth living for again

As long as she smiled at me, I was happy

As long as she kissed me, I was loved

As long as she held me, I was safe

As long as she loved me, I was worth it

Then we graduated

She went to college to become a teacher

I didn't go to college and started my string of dead end jobs

But we were still happy

We moved in together and everything was amazing

Until I started drinking

And kept on drinking

And I started treating her like crap

I'm a mean drunk and I fought with her all the time over nothing

Screaming matches, I'd make her cry then I'd leave, disappearing for days

She'd call me all day and I wouldn't pick up the phone

The times I did pick up was to yell at her to leave me alone

I'd flirt with other girls

I never cheated on her, I would never and even when I did flirt it was just to get drinks at the bar because I was always broke

Spending our money on alcohol

Money we needed for rent and bills

Money that she was making for us

You gave me all that I could take

Yeah, I took it all for granted

And through it all, she loved me

Accepted my apologies when I used to give them in the beginning

I'd cry, beg her to forgive me and she always did

After awhile I knew my sorries meant nothing because I kept doing the same things, so I stopped apologizing

Act like nothing happened whenever I came back home or woke up the next day

And she never said a word, never demanded an apology, just told me she loves me over and over

Offer her help which I accepted when I was sober and ignored when I was drunk

I took her for granted

I took her love for granted

I thought she'd always be there

And now she's not

I remember thinking

I don't need you

But then time passed by

And it's so untrue

Now I'm the rain over your parade

Reason you're over me

When we had fights and I was so incensed, I used to think I didn't need her

And when she broke up with me three months ago, I yelled in her face that I don't need her

After the break up I kept thinking, convincing myself, I didn't need her

I was better off without her

I didn't need her nagging

Didn't need her help she offered with my drinking problem

I didn't need her smile, didn't need her holding me

I didn't need her love

I was fine

But in the back of my head I knew it wasn't true

And as time passes I'm not denying that it's untrue anymore

I can't stop thinking about her

I miss her so much it physically hurts

It's killing me to not wake up to her every morning, to not have her in my arms, to not have her to come home too

I'm dying without her

I love her more than anything in this world

But she's over me

And it hurts so fucking much, I can't breathe

The worst part

It's all my fault

Calling all day

Tryna make things right

Since you told me hit the road

I've been running on empty

If anything I know

It's how to ruin a happy ending

Ever since Wooyoung sent me that fucking picture, I've been calling her all day for the last two days

And jokes on me because now she's not picking up the phone

And I'm feeling the way she felt when I wouldn't pick up

Panicky

Upset

Desperate to hear her voice

Worried

I've been falling apart since she threw me out of her apartment but I hid it, pushed it away

I was angry she left me and I blamed everything on her

I held on to the anger for a few weeks until the pain of not being with her was too much and I couldn't hide it anymore

We were on our way to a happy ending until I fucked it up

I just had to start drinking and ruin everything

She always said I was the one she wanted forever, the one she'd marry, have a family with and I wanted that desperately too

But I ruined it all

I remember when you still needed me

Don't know how I let it go so easily

But I always keep making the same mistakes

Maybe I never deserved you anyways

I never deserved her

I knew that from the moment she said yes to me

I was always made to believe I was worthless, a loser, going nowhere in life by my parents and my family

Until her

But I always knew I didn't deserve her

I was always grateful for her love

Happy she loved me, she wanted me

Even after everything started falling apart, she stayed, continued to love me

I didn't deserve that

Not when I fought with her constantly, when I left her alone when she needed me

When I made her cry

I couldn't stand to see her cry, knowing she was crying because of me and I had to leave

I should of stayed there with her, held her, apologized, comforted her

But I ran away

She needed me and I left her

She always said she needed me but she really didn't

I needed her but she didn't need me

She said she needed me to hold her at night, she needed to cuddle me when we watched TV, she needed me with her, near her, she needed my love

I wasn't sure about that then or even now but I do know that the times she did truly need me, when she was crying, when I left her alone for days, I wasn't there

I ignored her

I failed her

I can make you mad

I can make you scream

I can make you cry

I can make you leave

I can make you hate me

For everything

I can make a world out of broken dreams

I can make you say things you don't mean

I can unmake all we were made to be

But I can't make you come back to me

I know whenever we fought it drove her crazy

I'd say stupid shit, making her angry, making her say things I knew she didn't mean

Like I'm a jerk, an asshole, a stupid idiot, a drunk

Made her threaten to leave me

Make her scream at me

She'd never wanted to fight, always tried to diffuse the situation but I kept going, pushing her buttons until she lost it

I made her leave the fight a few times

Making it too much for her to deal with that she just walked away

Lock herself in the bedroom or go stay at her friend's house

I made her cry way too many times

I always said I'd never make her cry when we first got together

But I failed miserably at that

The last fight we had, the one that finally broke her was bad

I was drunk at some bar, flirting with some girl to get her to pay for my drinks

One of my friends called her to come and get me

I remember the hurt on her face when she saw me laughing with the other girl

Smiling, flirting, the girl touching my bicep I was flexing for her

Even though I was drunk, I saw how unhappy she was, how sad and I hated myself

She came over to me and told me she came to bring me home

I fought with her, because of course I did

I told her to go the fuck away, leave me alone

She wouldn't leave, begging me to come home with her

"Please Hwannie. Come home"

She tugged on my arm and I was so out of it, I let her drag me out of the bar

When the cool air hit me once we were out in the street, it woke me up a bit and I realized she was taking me home

Walking me to her car

And I snapped

"Get the fuck off me!", I shouted, pulling my arm out of her grip

"Hwa, stop baby. You need to come home and sleep this off"

"I don't want to go anywhere with you!", I shouted, ashamed of how I was acting and that just pissed me off more

"Seonghwa!"

"You go home. I don't want to fucking go there. I hate being there"

"I'm there baby", she whispered

"I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be around you! All you do is fight with me and it's annoying! You're fucking annoying!"

I remember her starting to cry and it infuriated me

I was angry with myself and took it out on her

I was screaming at her to shut the fuck up in the middle of the sidewalk, to get the fuck away from me, that I wanted her gone

"Seonghwa, I love you-"

"I don't care!", I screamed, "I don't want you! I can't stand you!"

She cried harder, "I...I can't do this anymore Seonghwa. I love you so much but I can't take this anymore. You've been gone for five days and I just want you home with me"

"I don't want to go home! I want to go back inside, I want to drink and flirt with girls who'll buy me what I want!"

She shook her head, "Seonghwa, if you....if you don't come home with me that's it. It's over. You and me....it's over. I love you but I can't drive myself crazy worrying about you, fighting with you. You need help and I want to help you"

"I don't want your help!", I shouted, "I don't fucking need you!"

I remember the tears rolling down her face as she said, "If you don't come home with me right now, then don't come back"

"Fine", I snapped, then turned around and walked right back to the bar, her sobs making me angry at the moment but remembering it now, those sobs break me

I went back to the bar and drank until I blacked out

I woke up on Hongjoong's couch

I found out later that she texted Hongjoong to watch me and bring me to his house

He told me what happened the night before, that her and I were over

I didn't believe him, taking for granted that she wouldn't really leave me

I drank the next night and the next, staying away from the apartment

I only realized everything was real, she really left me, was when I woke up in Hongjoong's apartment three days later and all my stuff was in his living room in boxes

I asked him what the fuck was going on and he reminded me that we broke up

He relayed the fight again, relayed how I made the decision by walking away from her and how she was following through with that decision

He told me she packed all my stuff and asked him to come get it

And I knew in that moment that I took everything too far

I unmade everything we were and everything we were supposed to be

That was the day my world ended, the day I pushed it all away until slowly, bit by bit I'm here now, utterly broken and desperate to talk to her

I could do all the wrong things but I can't make her come back to me

The only thing I can do is try

Which is why I'm here, waiting for her to come home

To convince her to come back to me

--------------------------------

I wait hours until I hear footsteps coming down the hall

She's looking at her phone as she walks towards her apartment

I take the few seconds before she sees me to take her in

Beautiful like always but her whole aura is....sad?

She looks skinnier than the last time I saw her, darker bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted

She looks how I look and feel

Miserable

Her head lifts, her gaze landing on me

Her eyes narrow and harden, a pissed off look forming on her face

"What do you want?", she snaps as I stand up

I know she's mad and I deserve every ounce of her anger

"I...I want to talk to you"

"I have nothing to say. Go away"

She breaks eye contact, moving to the door

I stand aside so she can unlock it

"Please? Just for ten minutes?"

"Seonghwa-"

"Please?", I beg, my voice shaky

I don't know how else to get her back if she won't speak to me

She glares, "You have ten minutes. Then you fucking leave"

I nod, hoping that she'll take me back and I'll never have to leave again

She turns her back to me, walking in her apartment and I follow like a lost puppy

Because truthfully, I'm completely lost without her

"What do you want?", she snaps, throwing her bag and her jacket on the couch, then facing me, her arms crossed over her chest

"I'm sorry", I blurt

"No you're not", she snarls

"Yes I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I shouldn't have fought with you. I should of went home with you that night"

"But you didn't. You wanted to drink and flirt with other girls. You got your wish. You can go and flirt with anyone you want. So why don't you go do that and leave me alone"

"Because I want you", I whisper, ashamed at the things I said to her

I know it hurt her so much

It would hurt me if she said she wanted to flirt with other guys

"No you don't. You walked away from me remember?", she snaps, "Oh wait, you probably don't because you were piss faced drunk"

"I'm sorry", I repeat, desperate for her to see how fucking sorry I really am, "I...I want to come back. I want you"

She snorts, "Now you want me? Now you wanna be here? Where were you when I needed you?"

I don't answer, ashamed

I wasn't with her, where I was supposed to be

"No answer? Well I'll answer for you. You were at the bar getting shit faced. You were flirting with other girls to get drinks. You were gone for days, never answering your phone. When all I wanted was you, you were doing who the fuck knows"

I wasn't here with her but I wasn't doing anything significant when I was gone

Mostly sleeping off my hangover in one of my friend's apartments

Then I'd go out at night again to get drunk again and it would all happen all over again

"I don't even know if you ever cheated on me"

"I didn't", I answer immediately, "I never did"

"How do you know? You were always too far gone to remember what you did"

I shake my head, adamant about this

I know I never cheated on her

I never would

Even when I was drunk, one of the guys was always there

To watch me but really they didn't have to

They told me I never tried anything with any girl, except to flirt to get drinks

And anytime a girl came on to me, I told them no

So even piss faced drunk I didn't cheat on her

"I know. The guys know. They were there. They saw me refuse every girl that came on to me when I was drunk. And I never tried to get with any girl. I only flirted to get my drinks paid for. You can ask them"

They even told me I was the most well behaved drunk they've known, in that aspect anyway

"Whatever", she snaps, "It doesn't change the fact that you would rather get drunk than be home with me"

"That's not true!", I answer, upset she thinks that, "It's just, when I get alcohol in me that's all I wanted but when I was sober all I wanted was to be with you. And that's all I want, is to be with you again. All I want is you"

She just shakes her head, looking away, "Why are you here Seonghwa? It's been three months and I haven't heard from you since the day we broke up. There's more you're not telling me. What happened? Why are you here now? Why not a month ago? Why not a week after we broke up? Why now?"

"Because", I exclaim, my heart hurting just thinking about it, "You went out with someone else! And the thought of another man touching you...I can't handle it"

She stares at me like I've lost my mind

I feel like I lost my mind

"What the hell are you talking about? I haven't gone out with anyone"

Is she really gonna lie to me?

To my face?

"Yes you did Joanne. Wooyoung saw you out with some guy at a diner", I tell her, pulling my phone out and opening it to the picture

The picture Wooyoung took of her and the guy and sent to me, effectively breaking my heart

I can't even look at it without tearing up

Holding it up, I show it to her, a look of anger and disbelief on her face

"Wooyoung took the picture and sent it to me"

"Oh my god, he's such a creep!", she yells, her eyes moving from the picture to me, "And you're a fucking idiot!"

Well, I don't know what I expected but this reaction was not it

"That guy is a friend and coworker! He's married!", she shouts, "His wife was coming back from a business trip and he had some time to kill before going to meet her at the airport. He said he was going to get something to eat and invited me along"

Ok it's not a date but that guy could still want her

Being married never stopped anyone from cheating

And it doesn't mean she doesn't like him that way either

"And you went", I accuse

"Yes I went!", she snaps, "I went because I couldn't stand being back in this apartment alone for another entire night!"

Her eyes fill with tears and I hate that I'm making her cry yet again

"This entire apartment is filled with you! With memories of you!", she sobs, glaring at me angrily, "I can't handle it. Everything I look at reminds me of you! I can't sit on the couch because all I think about is you sitting there playing a stupid video game or us cuddling while we watched tv"

I swallow hard at the emotion in her voice

I didn't know she thought about us

The last time I saw her...it seemed like she had given up on us

"I can't sleep on your side of the bed or hell even in the middle because all I remember is you holding me all night. The kitchen reminds me of us cooking together. The shower reminds me of you washing my hair and us having soap fights. Every room is filled with you!"

"Jo-", I start, not sure what I want to say but I just want to make her feel better

I was wrong about everything

Again

I thought she was over me

I didn't know she's just as bad as I am

"And you're a fucking idiot if you think I could just go out with someone else after three months of not being with you!", she yells, "That's something you would do, not me!"

"I wouldn't-"

"Shut up!", she cries, "If you don't think that this entire break up hasn't completely devastated me, that I'm not utterly lost without you, then you're a fucking moron! I miss you all the time. You're all I think about. Wondering if you found a new girl to be with and forgot all about me"

"I didn't", I shake my head, "I didn't jagi"

"Three months is not enough time to get over someone I love more than anything in this world", she whispers, "It's not enough time to get over the love of my life, if that's even possible"

Hearing her call me the love of her life keeps the hope I have alive

The hope that she might forgive me and take me back

"You're the love of my life Jo", I tell her

She snorts through tears, "Fuck off Seonghwa"

"No! I won't fuck off ", I say loudly, "You had your turn to speak, now it's mine!"

"There's nothing to say Seonghwa. You've more than proven that I'm nothing you want. You screamed in my face that you don't want me and don't need me. Remember?"

"I was stupid!", I yell, "I was. I did everything wrong but I won't let you think I don't love you. Of course I need you. I love you"

She looks away and I can tell she doesn't know if she should believe me

"Jo, I've never loved anything in my life until you", I confess, "I love you with everything in me baby. I'm going insane without you"

I move closer to her, taking her hand and breathing in relief when she doesn't pull away

"You're all I think about", I tell her, "I miss you so much Jo, it fucking hurts. I'm just as lost without you jagi. Everyday, I wake up in dread because you're not next to me and I remember that I can't see you. I can't just pick up the phone and call you, I can't spend the day with you and it's soul crushing"

I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes from how heartbroken I am without her

"When I saw the picture Wooyoung sent me, I felt like I was dying jagi", I confess, the tears falling down my face, "I...I realized that I really lost you and the thought of you with another guy...fuck it killed me. And it made me realize that I have to change my life to be the man you deserve"

She shakes her head, "You can't change for me Seonghwa. You have to change for you. You'll just end up resenting me if you change for me"

"I am changing for me and for you jagi. I..I need help to do it but I'm going to"

"What are you talking about?", she asks quietly

I take a breath to tell her everything I've started changing once Wooyoung sent me that picture

"I stopped drinking jagi. I got into an AA group and I went to the first meeting yesterday"

I know my drinking was a huge problem

I'd become belligerent, say hurtful things to her, make her cry

I never want to do that again

"Wow, that's...that's really good Seonghwa. That'll help you so much. I'm...I'm happy for you", she says, genuine shock and relief in her face

I nod, glad I can actually show her I'm changing

"I also found a therapist to go to. Psychologist. To talk about the shit I've had to go through when I was young. To get to the bottom of the drinking problem and get better"

Her eyes widen as she takes in my words

"I...uh...I also got a job", I tell her, "A real job with Hongjoong. He's ..he's going to teach me to be a mechanic"

That's something I was always interested in but with my drinking there was no way I could concentrate on trade school and no one would let me work on cars anyway

"Hongjoong hired you?"

"Yeah", I nod, "One uh, one of the conditions to keep working with him is that I stay sober, go to AA meetings and keep seeing the psychologist"

"That's good Seonghwa. He's a good friend to help you like this"

He is

I don't know where I'd be without him

But there is someone else I need

"I need you baby", I whisper

Her eyes break away from mine, darting to the floor, her face unsure

"I don't....know Seonghwa. I miss you and I love you more than anything...but I can't...I can't go through everything again. I can't handle the fights, the way it seems like you hate me when you get angry-"

"I don't hate you. I never hated you baby. I love you more than anything", I tell her, "It'll be hard jagi, I...I may fuck up a bit but I will never let it get like it used to be. I won't be drinking baby so that will cut out a lot of our problems"

"But you might get....irritable because you can't drink"

I nod, knowing that's true

It's what the AA meeting leader said could happen

"Yeah baby, that's when... I...I'll need your help too...if you can"

"You want my help?", she asks quietly

I know it's shocking

I never wanted her help before but now I can't think of anyone better to help me then her

"Yeah baby", I answer, "I..I know they'll be setbacks and it'll be difficult but there's no one I'd rather have by my side than you"

She bites her lip hesitantly

"I can do it easier with you jagi. Please baby, give me one more chance? Come back to me?"

I hold my breath, waiting for her answer

Hoping, praying that she takes me back

"This is your last chance Seonghwa", she says softly, "I understand you may fall off the wagon a few times and I'll help you if that happens but if it gets to be like before....with you out all night, getting drunk every night, flirting, never coming home, fighting with me then it's over for good. Nothing you say will make me take you back"

"I understand jagi", I tell her, hope filling me, "I won't let it get to that, I promise"

She nods, "Ok Hwannie"

"Ok? I...I can come home? With you?", I ask, wanting confirmation

She nods, "You can come home Hwa"

Her words wash over me and I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face in her neck and sobbing in relief and utter happiness

"I love you Jo. I love you so much", I cry

Her arms move around me and I break down more, the feeling of being in her arms absolute heaven

"I love you Seonghwa. More than anything in this world baby", she sobs too, her arms so tight around me, "My Hwa"

"Only yours", I assure her, "Just yours. I love you"

"I love you"

Pulling back a little, I look down at my beautiful jagi, wiping her tears away

Leaning down, I kiss her in a loving kiss I've been waiting to feel since I lost her

And it's one of the best kisses she's ever given me

--------------------------------

"I can bring all my stuff back tomorrow, if it's ok?", I ask her as we get into bed

"Yeah baby. Do you need help packing?"

I shake my head, "I just been crashing at Hongjoong's and everything is still in the boxes you packed. I can just load them up into the car and bring them back"

After we kissed, we've just been glued to each other all night

We ordered food then watched TV, cuddling on the couch

I've never been so happy to have her in my arms, to run my fingers in her hair, to just be with her

I'm never giving that, giving her up again

I will make sure I will be the best man I can be

"You never unpacked?"

I shake my head, "No jagi...I...I guess I didn't think we were really over until I saw the picture of you with that guy"

"He's just a friend baby", she says softly, facing me in bed, running her fingers in my hair, "I swear Hwa. I only love you"

I nod

I know

After tonight, after everything she said, I know she only loves me

"And yeah, you can bring all your stuff back tomorrow baby"

I smile, so fucking happy, so grateful I'm back home, with her

She smiles softly, her thumb moving over my lips softly, "I missed your smile Hwannie. I missed you so much"

"I missed you jagi. I swear baby, I didn't know that I could feel that much pain from not being with you. I honestly don't think I can live without you"

She nods, "I know Hwa. I feel the same way baby. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Please don't hurt me again baby"

"I won't", I swear, "Never again jagi. I shouldn't have to begin with and I'm so sorry I hurt you but I swear, never again"

She nods, moving closer, her lips pressing against mine softly in a sweet kiss

My body immediately relaxes into hers, moving my arms around her, pulling her right against me, kissing her desperately

I need her, it feels like her kisses are reviving me and it's just what I need

"I love you", she murmurs after the kiss

"I love you", I tell her, "So much"

She smiles, kisses me again, then cuddles against me

I kiss the top of her head, holding her tightly so grateful she took me back

[jenyifer]

How to make Only Friends Sapphic

So jumping off of my previous post about the theory that BostonNick sharing clothes is one of the most lesbian coded things I can think of and checking Jojo’s Twitter and seeing this

I thought I’d give some suggestions as a girl lover myself. I think that BostonNick is already two steps away from being a lesbian couple. You ever played mind games with a girl who wants to “be free to explore her options”? And I can promise you Nick is barely a stalker in comparison to what me and my friends can do to someone we like. Nothing illegal persay but…. Questionable Stalking is done on both sides under the guise of “we have seen true crime and live online”. Nick and Boston already live together basically pre break up. I think they shared clothes and Boston was using Nick every time he felt too many emotions or insecure. I think this is part of the reason he kept bringing nick with him to events but I want to talk about that in its own post.

Now TopMew another super lesbian coupling. Mew is raised by lesbians so his underhand passive aggressive ways are very familiar. Top being in love with the competitive game of getting Mew or Boeing is also text book. Sometimes the chase is worth more than the capture. I also think as lesbians we try to prove our relationships are picture perfect for instagram we finally find someone to take on all those date ideas we saved off while single and lonely.

The couple you’d have to change the most is SandRay. As Severe Depression Panic Attack girlie myself I get good morning texts and good evening checks from my Ex everyday. It’s not out of love or anything it’s a bond we share so. Firstly Mew or Boston would be checking on Ray it doesn’t matter if he hides it or if he can’t stop drinking etc the “hello are you alive text or call” would be essential or a lesbian would call the cops or that one person who can knock knock on their door to check. Ray would also know all of Bostons one night stand stories simply because he’d check in with Boston the next day to make sure Boston hadn’t been kidnapped or raped. It’s common practice with my friends who are adventurous anyways. Second Sand would have moved in with Ray or moved Ray in with him. No buts ands or protests about it. There would be a uhaul involved. Nick would have been carrying the boxes too because see a sister in need who you crushing on “you can change them just get them under your roof”. I also think Ray being a sugar mommy on the DL would be a thing just replacing Sand’s shit with higher end things. Because he cares and then Sand pushing back. The confusion with Mew is 1000000% on brand for a lesbian relationship though. As I said my ex is my bestie and I can’t get rid of her she won’t let me. It’s a big reason why I don’t like talking about Mew because his attitude towards Ray feels like a mircoscope mirror at the moment and I hate it. But it’s common to stay besties with your ex as a lesbian we are eachothers chosen family we don’t abandon eachother. And yeah sometimes feelings stick around even if it’s not for the best. Even if it hurts new interests.

I think the most fascinating change would be the interaction of the girls because we get terribly involved in our friends business most of the time. Sometimes people fall off completely absorbed in their new flame but if you have a good group of girls they’ll pull you back to reality. Also Mew’s revenge on Boston would have been the stuff talked about in legends. Punishing someone in your chosen family goes hardcore mode real fast. I also think SandNick’s relationship is already Sapphic enough I mean… who hasn’t gone camping with their bestie to see the stars touch grass then kissed them found out yeah no feels there and snuggle cuddled to sleep. That is literally me sophomore year of college except we went to a reserve where there were gators in the lake and when we woke up and went the 2 min walk to the beach there they were waiting to eat us whole.

Also your gay guy friend in Cheum would have to be more prominent. ESPECIALLY IF CHEUM IS AN ATTACHED LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP GAY. Cheum would be all up in everyone’s business super judgy with Mew but always there. Cheum would plan things and Mew would make the others show up. I can just see Cheum’s eye roll at the weekly check in because Ray needs to be reminded of his friends and Cheum would understand that. Also Cheum and April would throw the best dinner parties with wine and messy gossip. Cheum and April would def leave everyone at the party but that would be expected.

Anyways I had fun imagining it I hope you had fun reading. I tried not to be mean to Mew again so hopefully I’ve achieved that tone. I really am trying to work on it. Reading other people’s meta interpretations has really helped. Thank you!!!

[sequinsmile-x]

My Sleepless Night, My Winless Fight

She doesn’t want him to worry, to know that she hadn’t slept at all without him next to her. She worried it was too much too soon, that he’d realise she was more than he wanted to take on.

-x-

Hiiii friends

Well I have BARELY slept in two nights, so this is literally an insomnia special.

Please do let me know what you think, comments mean the absolute world, and I hope you enjoy this <3

-x-

Warnings: Mention of past injury/trauma, insomnia

Words: 2.5k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily groans, her gaze fixed on the coffee machine as she watches it make a new batch, desperately waiting for it to finish brewing so she could pour herself a cup. She yawns and shakes her head, hoping it somehow will free her of the haze she was in, a lack of sleep making her brain foggy and her body slow, her usual razor-sharp reactions off kilter. 

When she was younger, Emily used to pride herself on being able to sleep anywhere. 

Looking back on it, she’s sure it was a side effect of moving so often. Of spending countless nights fast asleep on planes as she and her mother moved country again. She remembers once when she was 14, she woke up as they landed in a new place, rubbing at her eyes as she looked at Elizabeth to find her looking green, a wry smile on her face as she explained Emily had slept through stomach-turning turbulence. 

Every bed she slept in was only hers for a few months at a time. New and comfortable and plush. Expensive soft linen that her mother always had ordered and delivered before they arrived. 

Despite sleep always finding her easily, she was able to run on very little of it if needed. She could count on one hand the number of times she got a full night's sleep in college. Her focus at the time on partying as well as studying so she could have the future she wanted. A future that was vastly different from the one her mother would choose for her. 

“Morning, Prentiss.”

She smiles, briefly narrowing her eyes at the use of her surname from her boyfriend as she turns to look at him, “Morning, Hotch.”

He smirks at her, and when the coffee machine beeps to tell them it’s ready he furrows his brows at the desperation with which she reaches for the pot to pour herself some. 

“Late night?” 

It had been a rare night apart, dinner with her mother leading her to get home too late to go to his place. She hums as she takes a sip of coffee, “Oh yes, you know my mother, a real party animal.” 

It’s a deflection, and she knows it. She doesn’t want him to worry, to know that she hadn’t slept at all without him next to her. She worried it was too much too soon, that he’d realise she was more than he wanted to take on. They’d only been together for a couple of months, eight weeks of secret dates and nights pressed up against each other in one of their beds, but it was the best relationship she’d ever been in. Aaron was understanding, kind and funny in a way she never would have guessed he could be when they first met. He understood her in ways that no one else could, and he often seemed like the only person who didn’t expect her to be the same person she had been before Ian Doyle tore through all their lives. 

The first time she truly struggled with sleep, the first time it evaded her completely, were those first few nights all those years ago with Ian. His arm slung over her as he snored into the seam of her neck as she lay there paralysed with fear that he would figure out who she really was. That he’d see through the carefully constructed facade she’d built around her and kill her before she had a chance to raise the alarm. The insomnia that gripped her those first few nights and weeks faded away over time, but she’d never slept deeply or properly, waking up at the slightest sound. Ian always made fun of her for it, joking that she’d wake up if a mouse ran across the floor, and at the time, truly felt as if the girl who had once slept through turbulence was dead and gone. 

She didn’t like to think too much about what it meant that Aaron would joke about the opposite. That she slept like a rock when she was with him, her mouth slack as she’d drool slightly on him in a way she always found embarrassing. He’d always have to coax her awake with his lips against her forehead and his hand skating up and down her back, gently drawing her away from sleep and back to him. 

She struggled with sleep when she got home from her the time she spent undercover. Her time with Ian bookended by fear that lingered in the corner of every room, following her in every shadow as she half convinced herself that Ian would see through her fake death. That he’d escape the prison she’d sent him to and hunt her down. 

She spent years telling herself that wouldn’t happen, slowly feeling safe again and finding a home with the BAU. So, when Ian did escape, it felt like her worst nightmare come to life. A seemingly endless night terror she couldn’t pull herself from, the edges of it finally sharpening and coming into focus as he shoved a table leg through her abdomen. 

In Paris, she slept almost constantly. Her recovery was exhausting, draining in a way she didn’t know was possible, allowing her to sleep through everything - even the sound of the people who lived above her who were the loudest neighbours she’d ever had, college included. When she wasn’t sleeping, she’d lay there, paralysed by pain and fear and lingering memories of her nightmares. Dreams where Ian would burst into her non-descript apartment blurring into reality thanks to her constant cocktail of antibiotics and painkillers, the ugly truth that she could barely walk let alone defend herself always at the forefront of her mind. 

When she came home, out of place and on edge, the insomnia returned in full force. Her upstairs neighbours in her new apartment were as loud as those who’d lived above her in Paris had been. Loud, frequent bangs as they seemingly threw their belongings on the ground, causing her ceiling to sometimes shake, not only keeping her awake but on high alert. 

She yawns again, barely covering it with her hand, and Aaron frowns. He double-checks that they are still alone, a cursory glance to ensure none of the team were nearby. No one knew about them yet, their relationship a secret that they both wanted to keep for a while, something precious and unsullied by the opinion of others. He steps slightly closer, his hand lingering on hers a little too long on hers as he takes the coffee pot from her.

“Were your neighbours loud again last night? I told you I’m happy to go up and speak to them-”

“No,” she replies, smiling at him, “It’s ok, I’m just tired.” 

He hasn’t fully accepted the explanation, and she knows it. 

She knew that she only slept properly when she was with him. She’s initially able to convince herself that it’s down to the pure sated exhaustion that had left her feeling relaxed. Her body pressed up against his as they both sleep in much later than they usually would, exchanging sleepy smiles as they woke up slowly, both of them leaning in for a good morning kiss. The first morning of many together, a start to what she hoped would be the rest of her life. 

But she’s worried that she’ll ruin it. That he’ll realise she has more trauma and baggage to carry than he realised, that she’d weigh them both and his son down with it all. 

She’s grateful when Derek walks over, cutting them off and forcing Aaron to put some space between them. 

“I have some paperwork to catch up on,” she says, smiling tightly at him and walking towards her desk, aware of his gaze burning into her back the entire way.

___

They spend the next night apart too. 

Aaron had a late meeting he couldn’t get out of, Strauss pulling him aside just before they were supposed to go for dinner. Emily had stolen five minutes with her boyfriend in his office before she left for the day. 

It’s another sleepless night. Hours pass her by as she tosses and turns, frustrated as sleep evades her despite how she tired she feels. She changes her clothes halfway through the night, pulling one of Aaron’s shirts out of her laundry hamper, hoping that his lingering scent would help but it doesn’t. It makes her miss him even more and makes her bed feel even emptier and colder. 

She drags herself out of bed in the morning, her limbs heavy and uncoordinated as she walks to the kitchen. She’s barely got the coffee going when there’s a knock on her front door. She grumbles to herself and walks to the door, smiling when she looks through the peephole and sees Aaron standing on the other side. 

“Hi,” she says, her smile widening as he leans in to kiss her, his lips stamped against hers before he pulls back and lifts up the bag in his hand. 

“I brought breakfast,” he says, walking past her into her apartment, “I thought I’d make up for us missing dinner,” he looks at her over his shoulder as she closes the door and walks towards him. He takes in her outfit, a shirt of his that he’d left here and a pair of shorts, and he feels warmth spread through his chest, “You look gorgeous.” 

She scoffs and looks down at herself, “You’re sweet,” she says, waiting for him to put the bag of takeout down before she wraps her arms around him, stamping her lips against his, “You’re a liar,” she smiles up at him, leaning in closer when he presses his hands to her lower back, “But you’re sweet.” 

“You’re beautiful,” he replies, moving one of his hands to her cheek and cupping it, pulling her in for one more kiss before he looks at her. He spots the barely concealed exhaustion in her eyes, the circles that were darkening beneath them, and the concern that sparked in his belly the day before catches fire, “Are you ok, sweetheart?”

She clears her throat and smiles at him before she pulls away, moving to the cabinet to take out plates for breakfast, “I’m fine,” She says, and she can feel him watching her, his gaze burning into her face as she opens up the containers, the smell of pancakes and bacon hitting her, making her sigh happily. Her smile fades as she looks up at Aaron to find him still looking at her, concern and confusion colouring his expression, “Aaron-”

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” He asks, closing the gap between them, his hand grabbing hers to stop her from plating up breakfast. 

“I said I’m fine,” she says, her voice sharper than she intended, her exhaustion shortening her fuse. She sighs again and squeezes his hand, “I’m sorry. I’m just…” She drifts off, blowing out a breath as she talks herself out of telling him, “Let’s just have breakfast.”

“We can reheat it, or I’ll go out and get more,” he says, tugging her towards the living room and encouraging her to sit on the couch, “I’m worried about you.” 

She curses him internally for being so perfect for her, for leaving her alone when she needed him to, and for pushing like he was right now. She shifts on the couch, curling into his side, finding it easier to admit just how important he had become to her when she couldn’t see his face, when she didn’t have to watch him realise he’d made a mistake letting her this close. 

“I…haven’t slept in two nights,” she admits, sighing as she says it, “And I’m not saying I had a bad night's sleep, I haven’t slept at all. And, the only difference to every other night recently is that I haven’t been with you.”

It feels absurd as it hangs between them, almost childish as she waits for him to respond, and she’s sure he must be able to feel the warmth of her cheek through his polo shirt. 

“I sleep better when we’re together too.” 

His response is so simple, so not what she anticipated, that it takes her a moment to react. She pulls back from him, her eyebrows furrowed as their eyes meet. 

“Wait, what?”

Aaron smiles lovingly at her, unsure how she could still doubt how he feels about her, but he knows that’s a conversation for another day. 

“I struggled the last couple of nights,” he admits, “The breakfast was a ruse really, I was hoping we could nap together later.” 

She stares at him, open-mouthed as his words wash over her, “Oh.”

“Did you think I’d have a problem with it?” 

She shrugs half-heartedly, “Isn’t it a bit…ridiculous it’s like this so early on? We’ve only been together two months, honey.” 

Sometimes he wondered which one of them had the least relationship experience. He’d been married for years, but he’d only ever been with Haley. He was a tall and lanky thing when they met, more limb than the teenager he truly was, and they’d grown together and apart at the same time. Emily had been in more relationships but had never been in them for long. She’d admitted early on that her longest relationship had been with Ian, something that she seemed ashamed about, yet another thing he’d talk to her about another time.

She had nothing to be ashamed of, and he would make sure she knew that. 

“I don’t think the amount of time we’ve been together matters, Em,” He says, leaning in to kiss her, “I love you, you love me, that’s all that matters.” 

She wished more than anything that it was that simple, that she could believe it was that easy. But as she looks at him, as she sees how he’s looking at her, like she’s the only thing in that moment that matters, and she thinks, just once, maybe it could be that simple.

She smiles and nods, “You’re right,” she says, giving in to a yawn as she rests her head on his shoulder, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he replies, kissing the top of her head. They lapse into silence and he continues to run his hand up and down her arm. “Shall I go reheat breakfast?” He asks, waiting for a response that doesn’t come, “Sweetheart?”

He tilts his head and looks down at her, smiling when he sees that she’s fallen asleep, her face slack, her mouth slightly open in the way he found adorable. He shifts them gently, desperate to keep her asleep as he lays them down, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over them both. She moves against him, never waking up as she gets comfortable, her face pressing into his neck. 

He lets the feel of her against him lull him to sleep, any thoughts of anything except her, and the vague idea of if it was too early to ask her to move in with him and Jack, fading away. 

-x-

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[mellybouboulove]

My guardian angel🤍𓆩♡𓆪☁️

Chapter 5

Plot summary: Drug Dealer Ellie Williams X OFC slowburn fic, out of universe and takes place in college, set in the 2000s. Smut content to come.

previous: Chapter 4, next: Chapter 6,

Tags: #wlw #sapphic #drugdealer!ellie #modern!ellie #tlou #slowburn #smut #fluff #tlouau #au #modernau #drugs

CHAPTER 5

The morning after, I woke up feeling way better and noticed a bunch of plastic bags to throw away near the door. Ellie was cleaning my house again. 

- What are you doing? - I’m just making sure you don’t have easy access to alcohol for now.  - Are you crazy, do you know how much all this costs ? Why are you doing this? - I have my reasons.  - And what are those reasons? Ellie’s behavior wasn’t normal, she doesn’t even know me but randomly decided to save my life, something was weird about it. - It’s a long story. She answered 

I sat back down on the sofa, signaling I was ready to listen. She let out a sigh and wiped sweat from her forehead.

- I’m not really in the mood right now Maya, I will put the bags outside and take a shower ok? - ok. 

While she was taking her shower, I decided to bake a chocolate cake for her. I prepared coffee and set the table. When she got out, I took the cake out of the oven and put it on the table. I wanted to show her my gratitude and make her feel more comfortable to confide in me. She looked surprised and joyful when she saw what I did. She thanked me, smiled and we both sat on the couch. 

- It’s really good, you’re a great chef! - Thank you, glad you enjoy it! Thought you might be hungry after all this cleaning. I was feeling that she was still embarrassed about my last questions. - Yeah you guessed right. She answered in a cold tone. - It just occurred to me that I don’t really know much about you. I know you’re a drug dealer, I know you’re very caring of random girls in distress and I know you’re scared of big roller coasters. You saw the ugliest parts of me, I think it’s only fair if you tell me a little more about you. - Yeah you’re right, when you put it that way it actually sounds creepy. Ok, okay what do you wanna know ? - Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I started. No, my mom is a violent alcoholic and sick old lady who’s only dating violent alcoholic men. I ran away when I was 16, shortly after starting as a dealer and making enough money to live on my own. - Oh.. I see. I’m sorry you had so many struggles at such an early age. At least it’s behind you now. I didn’t really know what to say about it, it explains a lot about her behavior. - No, I have a little sister. Step sister. - How old is she? - 6, she’s still with my parents that’s why I send them money every month and still visit from time to time; to make sure she’s ok and also to pay for the hospital bills and treatments for my mom.

Ellie looked sad after opening up about her family to me; I didn’t really know what to add so I took a seat closer to her and hugged her. She instantly welcomed me in her arms and we remained in silence for a short while. I thought I should try to change her mind and bring her outside to take some air. 

We took a walk hand in hand to the park next to my house. It was a very warm and sunny afternoon, the kids were playing, the dogs were running, the families were laughing, the birds were singing; the green grass we were laying on was fresh. We started to point and comment on the shapes we were seeing in the few clouds that were moving around the big bright blue sky above our heads. I used to hang out in this park a lot with Emily and Jonathan. I still can’t believe our friendship blew out in this accident; everything was going fine, we were planning to go on a trip for spring break together; now I don’t even know if Jonathan will be awake by then. I still can’t chase all these thoughts and the big hole the sadness is causing inside my chest but Ellie really helps me handle it. 

I turned my head to contemplate her face as she was closing her eyes, taking in the warmth of the sun that was making her face glow. I could see all her pores, her freckles and the red undertones of her hair were so much more vibrant under the light, her skin was smooth and clear as a baby’s face. I placed myself closer to her and opened her arm to rest my head on her chest. She has had such a hard life already and she seems to have a lot to handle, I really can’t put my finger on any reason that could justify her interest in me. Why would she waste her time to help me? We barely talked at the party and to be honest, I thought she wouldn’t even remember me after that night. 

-You still haven’t answered my question.  -Which question? She answered, her eyes still closed. -Why are you doing all this ? I mean why are you helping and caring for me? 

She opened her eyes letting out a small sigh before redressing herself to sit; I mirrored her movements. 

-3 years ago, I was dating this girl. I had issues, she had issues, we both ran away from our parents as teenagers and were trying to make it on our own.  At first, she was looking for drugs and I was selling it to her. She was just a client but she solicited me a lot and we began to talk outside of business and  shortly after we started dating. Everything was going fine at first but dating your drug dealer is never a good idea. She became more and more addicted, we were always fighting over anything. I knew if I didn’t give her the drug she would leave me and I didn’t want that so I kept on giving her what she wanted from me. But we really did love each other. Anyway; one day I was at work and she kept calling my phone. She did that all the time when she was out of drugs or when she was getting paranoid about me cheating on her every time I was outside the house. As I was used to it and was already on my way back, I didn’t pick up. Then I finally made it home and that’s when I found her. Her dead body laying on my bed with vomit all around her face and half her pills still in her hand. She died because of me, I shouldn’t have kept on giving her drugs, I should've helped her, I should’ve answered the phone, I should’ve been more present. Anyway, I don’t know, I guess I want to make things better this time. I know what you’re going through and I understand the guilt you feel, all the blame you put on your shoulders and I think we could help each other. 

It took me a minute to process everything she just told me. 

-Thank you for telling me all that, I see that you trust me so I know I can trust you too now. If you need anything ask me, I want to be here for you like you’re here for me you know. I hope you managed to heal from all of this; I can't imagine how hard it must’ve been for you. I’m glad you’re willing to get better and it’s now a little more clear why you’re so eager to help me but I am not her and I will try my best not to be. I want to get better and I'm sorry for making you go through this again yesterday. -Thank you, you’re the sweetest. I'm glad we had that talk, you can always count on me. 

We remained in silence again until we heard the melody of an ice cream truck passing by and saw all the children running after it. We looked at each other at the same time and smiled as we knew we just had the same thought. We walked towards the truck and Ellie got us two ice creams. I took a stracciatella flavored ice cream and she took a strawberry flavored one. 

We continued to walk along the lake that was in the middle of the park, petting each dog we saw. We sat under a tree, my head resting on her shoulder as she rolled a cigarette that we shared. She was caressing my hand with her thumb, I looked at her and our heads were getting closer, pulled by a natural force to one another until our lips collided and we began to kiss passionately.

[shookysmissingtooth]

Friends! and Lovers? - Chapter 1

pairing: model jjk, producer myg x Makeup artist reader

genre: friends to lovers

wordcount: 1.9k

summary: being an adult in a competitive world isn't easy. especially when you only have two friends. two you would never date. right?

warnings: this story contains smut and is for mature audiences only.

Masterlist Next Part->

🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍

You are the deepest sleeper you have ever seen. Which is why, when it was time to wake up for the first day of your new job, you probably wouldn't wake up on time. That is if you were living alone. But lucky for you, you have two friends who wake you up in time. Well, one friend since the other one isn't exactly a morning person. 

"Jungkook woke u up too?", Yoongi asks, seeing you walking in the dining room with your pajamas, which usually consisted of a t-shirt and shorts. The thing about living with 2 men is that you always have to wear a bra around the house, so your nipples don't get seen through your shirt. He's now sitting on the chair to your left, shirtless as he probably just woke up.  At first, you got flustered whenever you saw him shirtless, but you're used to it now. Kinda.

"Yeah", You reply. He's on his phone texting his girlfriend. Yup. Yuri. The girl that slapped you back in high school.  Shin Yuri, the girl that you still hate. It's been YEARS since that altercation happened, but what can you say? You hold grudges.  And every time you remember or think about that day, you get even angrier at her. 

 "Morning people!", Jungkook says as he walks into the dining room from the kitchen with two plates of food in his hands. He puts one plate in front of Yoongi and the other in front of you. "Eat up.", he says to the both of you walking back to the kitchen to get his food.

When he comes back, he sits across from you and pounces on his meal. LITERALLY. Like a wild animal, feasting on its prey. He looks up at you watching how you're staring at him in disgust. This man has no sense of table manners. "What?", he asks as he continues eating. He then looks to your left and notices Yoongi's phone in his hands. "Hyung! No phones at the table", now reaching to snatch Yoongi's phone out of his hands. Once he's successful he begins to run away trying to keep the phone out of Yoongi's grasp as they fight for it. He tries to read his messages out loud.

"I miss you baby", Jungkook says trying to imitate Yoongi's voice. "I miss you too", he says trying to imitate Yuri's. You physically cringe at the thought of Yuri calling Yoongi "baby".

"Ok, Ok give me my phone, I'll put it away", Yoongi says slightly annoyed. Jungkook then hands him his phone and says," No phones at the table", giving him a teasing smile. 

"So, first day of your new job ay", Jungkook says getting back into his seat, eyes now on you. Today is the first day of your new job. You recently applied for a job to work as a makeup artist at Calvin Klein.  And you got it.  Now today is your first day. Ever since you graduated college, you have been jumping around from one job to another. You've been a janitor, a plumber, a cashier, a food delivery driver, you name it, but you finally got what you've always wanted..to be a makeup artist, for a big company at that. 

Yoongi and Jungkook have always known what they wanted to be in life. Yoongi has always wanted to be a music producer and songwriter, which he has achieved, Jungkook has always wanted to be a model, which he now is. In fact, he's the global ambassador for Calvin Klein. 

Oh, and they are both famous. Worldwide famous. Yoongi had to work hard for years to build a name for himself in this crazy music industry.  And Jungkook started out just modeling for Calvin Klein. He would wear the seasonal outfits and model for their website. That was until people started to notice his looks and he built a big fan base, eventually giving him a huge social media following. And that's when he became global ambassador qualified.

Dozens of brands reached out to him but Calvin Klein snatched him up before any other brand could. 

You're like their not-so-famous best friend that's severely unknown. And you like it that way. 

Jungkook, for years, has tried to convince you to become a model because he says you're good-looking. He likes to call what you had a "glow-up". 

"You were really ugly back in high school" , he told you that one time the 3 of you were looking at your old photos.

The problem with having 2 famous best friends is that you can't go out with them without worrying if people would film you guys hanging out and come up with absurd rumors about you guys dating.

This has happened once.

The 3 of you went to a restaurant to celebrate your birthday. Yoongi had rented out the place for privacy,   and he was pretty early so the 2 of you waited inside the restaurant to wait for Jungkook.

When Jungkook arrived, he texted you he was outside, so you went outside to see him. The Both of you shared a hug, oblivious to the camera recording the both of you. 

2 hours later you received many texts from you're parents, and one of them sent you a link to an article titled, "Jungkook's New Girlfriend".

The only thing that saved you that day was the face mask you were wearing, otherwise, your face would have been all over the internet. And the last thing you need is people judging your looks, or people comparing your looks to Jungkook's. You're insecure enough as it is.

"Yup, can't wait.", you say, taking a bite of the pancakes made by Jungkook." I'm actually kinda nervous too. What if I make a mistake and get fired?"

"You'll be fine, stop worrying", he says. " Though, we should go over some things first.", You nod your head to his statement before he continues. "Nobody should know that we know each other". He sees the confusion that reaches your face and you ask him why. "Because, I've been working hard trying to avoid dating rumors, and if people see us talking they'll think we're together. Plus it's not normal for makeup artists to befriend their model clients. It's kinda looked down upon if you ask me".

"So let's say I run into you, you want me to ignore you and look the other way?", you ask, and all you get is a nod in return, mainly because there's food stuffed in his mouth. "So I take it we can't go to your shoot together.", and he shakes his head no. Yesterday you received an email letting you know about the shoot you'll be working at today, and it happens to be Jungkook's joint shoot with another model. You then turn to Yoongi with a pleading smile on your face before you ask for his car.

"Fuck no.", he responds. "Not after you scratched it last time"

"i'll give you $50 bucks"

"100. 100 or nothing", he says.

"Fine".

"You know I'm so happy I can finally have the house to myself. I don't have to see your faces all day and I can invite Yuri over.", Yoongi says probably mentally planning this day out in his head. He notices the way you roll your eyes at the mention of Yuri's name. "You're being a baby."

"What are you talking about?", you ask.

"You know you're eventually gonna have to get over the fight you guys had in HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL! You're both now fully grown adults with a whole different mindset and level of maturity. Well, at least one of you does". He says. You can understand why he's tired of your bullshit. It's been years since you and Yuri fought, but the girl hasn't even mustered an apology to you.  She's gonna have to apologize before you can even consider accepting their relationship.

"Yoongi, I'm not obligated to like the girls you date". , you say dryly.

"I'm not asking you to like her! I'm simply asking for your respect. Why should I have to feel guilt, whenever I talk about my girlfriend around you?" The annoyance in his voice is not something that can be ignored. Whenever Yoongi gets upset, he expresses it with his whole body.

"I don't appreciate how you're making me seem like the problem. Yuri doesn't like me either, but you're so blinded by "love", that you can't even see that!", you say, voice laced with anger. "Jungkook, back me up!", You say turning to him.

"This isn't my business", he says shrugging his shoulders and finishing the remnants of his food.

"I'm not trying to make you seem like the problem.", he says sighing. "I would just like to have  the support of my best friend."  He says calmly ending the conversation. He knows that if he says anything else, there will be a fight between the two of you and that's something that he wants to avoid. The awkwardness in the room lingers for a few seconds before Jungkook interrupts it.

"I'm gonna go head to the shower. Don't wanna be late.", he says standing up. You can't even fathom how he finished his food that quickly."You should hurry up too. Don't wanna be late for your first day"., He tells you giving you a calming smile before trailing off, leaving you and Yoongi alone eating in silence.

🌹

"I feel bad". You tell Jungkook. You're brushing your teeth whilst he's in the shower. You like his sink more than yours because of how spacious it is. You even have some of your hair and skin care products sitting on it. He doesn't seem to mind you using his bathroom. Well, that's what you think at least. "Do you think I was being an asshole to him?"

"I don't know.", he says shouting over his loud shower.

"What do you mean? It's a yes or no question."

"I just don't see why my opinion matters. It's not like my opinion is gonna solve things between the two of you." He has a point and you know it. But it'd be nice to hear that someone is on your side. What kind of friend dates the enemy of their friend? "If you feel bad, just apologize"

"Why should I apologize?" Why should you? It's not like you did anything wrong.  

"if you didn't do anything wrong, then why do you feel bad?", Jungkook says, as if he read your mind.

"I hate you", you respond.

 He turns off the water. "I love you too. Now get out, I'm done."

 You leave his bathroom and walk to yours to take your shower.

🌹

Showering Is something that calms you, and is really the only place where you're able to think, and as you rewind breakfast in your head, you can't help but think, "Maybe I am in the wrong.", "Maybe I am the asshole". And now you feel even more bad. 

You got out of the shower and made a promise to yourself that you would apologize to Yoongi before you left the house. 

Today is the first day of your job so you have to wear something that would make a statement. Something that screams, "professional". You scanned through every article of clothing in your closet and decided to wear leggings and a shirt with a blazer on top. You set the clothes on your bed and remove the towel that covers your body. 

"Hey, I just wanted to say that im-", you hear and you rush to reach for your towel and wrap it around yourself again before you turn around and once you turn you see Yoongi with his hand over his eyes. "I'm sorry, I should have knocked". He says before walking slowly to the door, trying not to bump into anything. "my car keys are on the table in the hall", he says and then he shuts the door once he's out. 

Today is going to be a longgg day.

[chaotic-orphan]

Villain has an obsession with ducks...I don't know why, neither does Hero. Maybe too much Farside?

Listen anon, this is the weirdest request I have ever gotten. I’m Irish and I was like what the fuck is far side, then I looked it up and understood. Thank you for the introduction. I had fun with this one.

PSA— my queue posted this, but I am not deleting it and working on it as it is, I will reblog when it’s finished, but for now feel free not to read as it is UNFINISHED and WIP

*~*~*~*~*

They were a series of random events, Detective had told Hero when they reluctantly had to hand over the case to them on the roof of the precinct. They didn’t know who. They didn’t know what. They didn’t know why. They just knew they were all connected.

“How do you just know?” Hero had asked, head tilting to the detective who was leaning on the railing of the roof, half smoked cigarette rolling between his fingers.

“Call it… intuition. It’s driving me up the wall Hero,” Detective grumbled, rubbing their eye with their free hand. “And the chief just told me there that she needs me on another case. More important. More serious.”

Hero frowned. “Those kids they found is it?”

Detective sighed, tapping the ashes out of their cigarette onto the roof. “Yeah. Chief said I can’t waste anymore time on a case so trivial.”

“You just need it solved.”

“For my own health, Hero. It’s keeping me awake at night. The first thought in the morning. Like a song that’s stuck in your head that’s so familiar and still you can’t get the tune, it’s infuriating.”

“I’ll get it done, detective.”

“Thank you, Hero. Call me when you do. I’ll be waiting with the handcuffs for the bastard.”

“You got it detective.”

Then they were gone.

*~*~*~*~*

When Hero got back to their room they cleared their desk trying to find their thumbtacks, rifling under stacks of books, opening their laptop bag for college, checking under yesterday’s newspaper. Hero let out a huff, turning to their cork board and saw their colourful tack pot staring at them from the windowsill.

Hero sighed and rolled their shoulders as they crossed the room to their tacks before setting to work. They pinned all the relevant information to the cork board and stepped back, eyes scanning the information lazily. They needed a shower and maybe one too many hits to the head that night forced them to go get one and come back to the case later.

And get a coffee, yeah a coffee would be good. Being tired and uncomfortable wouldn’t help them solve the case, and they had college tomorrow…

Hero nodded to themselves then, decided.

Shower. Coffee. Case.

Hero only got the shower part crossed off, dried off and pyjamas on before they were in bed, passed out, snuggled up under the covers.

They woke to their alarm the next morning, too much in a flurry to glance at the case Detective had given them and rushed out of their room and to campus.

The college campus was already lively at ten in the morning when Hero walked onto the main pavilion. School was a few weeks in session but clubs and societies stalls were still lining every green and walkway of Hero’s route to the law building.

Hero walked by the Hero support stall where a boy and a girl were in cheerleader outfits handing out colourful flyers about how Hero licences should be legalised. Hero took one and continued on their way. Hero couldn’t help but agree with them, being a Hero didn’t pay and wasn’t government funded, even though half the Heroes in Grave City had been thanked publicly and given a medal on behalf of the citizens.

Beside the Hero support stall there was a Free Food stall and then a College Socialist party. Hero walked on, and stopped at the giant duck chattering animatedly to a group of people.

It was at an animal rights stall for animal lovers and people who want to make a difference to the city’s problems with strays. Hero came to a stop beside Friend who was staring with a contemplative face at the walking talking duck.

“Riveting stuff,” said Friend with the ever present sarcastic lilt in their voice.

“I can tell. Certainly grabbed my attention,” said Hero with a smile. Friend stepped away from the group and Hero followed, falling into step with them as they walked to class.

“I thought I could get some thoughts on the animal acts essay Ford has me doing for extra credit,” said Friend. Friend didn’t need extra credit. They had a GPA of 4.15, but that wasn’t enough for them. They were determined to get a GPA of 4.2 and no matter what Hero said to them, they always insisted that they could always do better.

“And did you?” Hero asked, holding the door open for Friend who let out a small laugh.

“No,” they said.

Hero shrugged. “At least you got to watch a giant duck quack on about animal welfare.”

“Yeah,” Friend laughed. “They are known to be the vox populi of the animal kingdom.”

“I know,” said Hero. “I’ve read far side.”

Friend rolled their eyes. “Ford would love you.”

“Thought he hated animals?”

“Oh he does,” said Friend with a sigh. “He just loves destroying people’s love of animals and watching their faces drop.”

Hero hummed, “yes but does he know that at any given moment, inexplicably, there could be a duck watching him?”

“I’ll be sure to mention it next time I see him.”

The pair walked to the stairs, split apart when a line of students were walking down between them, and when they regrouped a thought struck Hero.

“I thought you didn’t have Ford this year,” Hero said, eyes sliding to Friend who tensed a little at the question. Hero frowned but didn’t say anything of it as they continued up the stairs to the first floor.

“I didn’t,” Friend grumbled, “in fact, I assured it.”

“But?”

Friend shot Hero a wry smile and said, “but Ford wanted me. And Ford is like a two year old child throwing a tantrum. Ford gets what Ford wants.”

“Ford wanted you? For like, a traineeship or something? Isn’t that good?”

“I busted my arse off to get the best GPA in the top class in the top school in the country, only to work for Ford? It makes me want sick.”

“It’s just for now,” Hero said, trying for a supportive smile. Friend had a faraway look in their eye, their hand tightening slightly on the rail of the stairs as they ascended.

“Just until Ford gets tired of me,” Friend said darkly, then shook their head and smiled at Hero, suddenly more chipper. “Or I get tired of him, but enough about me.”

Hero frowned and then blushed when Friend pulled the Hero Licence flyer from their hand. “I thought you were giving up on this Hero fantasy.”

“It’s not a fantasy, Friend, it’s real. I think the Heroes deserve to get minimum wage, at least!”

“At least? That’s what they get for destroying property and acting like vigilantes? And the Villains, Hero, should they get minimum wage too?”

“Well of course not,” Hero said, rolling their eyes.

Friend smiled. “I can guess the reasons, they terrorise the city, destroy property? Act without a moral code, very like your heroes, isn’t it, Hero?”

“Heroes don’t terrorise the city,” Hero protested and Friend raised their eyebrows.

“Oh yeah? Tell that to the unfortunate Villains who go against them.”

Friend handed Hero back the flyer and flicked them in the forehead. “Ow! What was that for?”

“You’re studying law, Hero. You can’t have these foolish ideals about good and bad, right and wrong. The world is grey, you know this. You have a brain, now use it.”

“I use it everytime I think you’re an arsehole,” Hero laughed and stepped back when Friend lunged at them.

“Aren’t you too old to be wrestling in corridors?” A cold voice asked from behind them, and Friend froze, back immediately going straight as they stood up. Hero frowned, looking over Friend’s shoulder to see Ford standing at the lifts beside the stairs.

“Shouldn’t you be busy making someone else’s life miserable?” Friend spat turning around to face Ford and Hero’s frown deepened. They had never heard Friend speak like that to anyone, they were usually so polite. Even when they hated someone.

Ford smiled, though it didn’t reach his dead eyes. “I reserve misery for you, Friend.” Ford turned and walked towards the offices in the other end of the building. “Come, we have a meeting.”

“I have class now,” Friend said, fists balling at their sides.

Ford looked back over their shoulder, eyes on Hero for the first time and said: “your friend can take the notes for you, can’t you?”

Friend looked back at Hero helpless and Hero swallowed and said: “actually I’m not in Friend’s class right now. Different lectures, I have a tutorial.”

“Hmph,” Ford said, turning back to face Friend and Hero, their glare set on Hero now, and Hero found themselves standing straighter, looking Ford head on. They were nothing but a bully, and they wouldn’t intimidate Hero, especially not with how they were treating Friend. “Fine. Find me after class and we can reschedule,” Ford said and then was gone, walking down the hall not waiting for a reply.

Friend looked back at Hero and smiled and breathed out a small: “thank you.”

“You’re telling me what that was about later on,” Hero said seriously.

Friend patted them on the arm and said, in hopes to appease Hero: “Of course I will.”

*~*~*~*~*

After class Hero went back to their accommodation, dropped their bag on the floor and fell into bed with a long resounding groan.

Then their brain twitched and Hero sat up suddenly, looking again at the case Detective had given them and frowning. There was something off. Something different. Something Hero’s brain knew before Hero did and it set them on edge as they scanned their board trying to find it, that little nugget of information that was staring them right in the face.

Something to tie up all the loose ends, something that runs through every case but as Hero looked and scanned every piece of information more and more, that twinge in the back of their mind receded further and further until Hero was groaning into their bedsheets again.

If Detective didn’t get this how on Earth was Hero supposed to?

Hero was hungry then, their stomach told them so, growling and longing and demanding. Hero wanted Chinese food.

Maybe something with noodles or duck.

Hero left the room, on the search for the menu to the local takeaway. The case slipping from their mind again.

It was only after Hero found the menu (hidden in their hall table drawer under all the other menus) that they froze, gasped, and started sprinting back to their room, menu in hand.

They threw open the door to their room and threw their hands in the air and screamed: “duck!” at the top of their lungs.

Roommate walked by the room in only their boxers and a shirt and said: “you left your door open again Hero.”

Hero didn’t even look away from the board as they grouched: “put some clothes on, Roommate!”

Roommate stopped walking wherever they were walking and stopped at Hero’s door, leaning against the doorframe. “Buy me dinner first.”

“It’s usually the other way around, Roommate. Someone buys you dinner, and then you take your clothes off.”

“I’m guessing you’ll have duck?” Roommate asked and Hero shook their head and walked by Roommate, putting the menu in their hand.

“No, um, not hungry, look buy dinner. My treat. I’ll be out for a while.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” said Roommate but Hero was already shutting the door to the apartment.

*~*~*~*~*

“Ducks,” Hero said late into the evening and Detective jumped a mile in the air, dropping their cigarette and exclaiming: “fuck, Hero! I told you to stop doing that!”

“No, Detective, not fuck! Duck!”

“What?!” Detective asked, exasperated, pulling their pack of cigarettes and lighter from their pocket. Hero jumped down from the railing, landing with the grace of a cat on the roof, grinning ear to ear.

“The connection. Between the case! The one you thought was connected but didn’t know how?”

“Ducks?” Detective asked, raising their eyebrows until they disappeared below their hairline. “Really?”

“Yes,” said Hero and took the case file from their bag. “Ducks connects them all!”

“Sounds a bit… I don’t know, Hero,” Detective said with a sigh, exhaling smoke into the cool night air and Hero nodded.

“I know, but just… I have a theory, and if I’m right I know who Villain’s next victim will be. Just trust my gut.”

Detective was silent for a moment, except for the soft crackling inhale of their cigarette. Then they shrugged, as if to say fuck it, and said: “okay kid. I trust you. Let’s follow your gut.”

Hero had researched who was in the duck costume on campus campaigning for animal welfare rights. She lived on campus, but worked at a local bar called the Ugly Duckling from Thursday-Sunday, and that's where Hero and Detective were. They sat in Detective's unmarked car with the power off, watching the bar doors.

Every now and then, Detective would curse and say it was cold, then turn the car on and blast the heat for a minute before switching it off again. They had been sitting out there for an hour and a half now.

"Christ, Hero. When does this girl get off work?"

Hero shrugged. "I don't know. Listen, this isn't a strong lead. It's more like a gut feeling."

"I have a gut feeling to go home and get into bed."

"Come on, Detective, don't you love this? The chase? The wait? The possibilities?"

"I love four things, Hero. My dog, my bed, alcohol and cigarettes. Speaking of..." Detective climbed out of the car and shut the door, leaning against it. Hero heard the distinct snap of his zippo lighter open and click shut with a metal tink. Hero sighed, leaning back against the passenger seat, pulling their hoodie tightly around them.

They pressed their head into the head rest, their eyes scanning the street and the people milling around tonight. They squinted into the dark when they saw the same model car as Friend’s. Same year too on the reg and—

They saw Ford step out with his usual distaste for everything. His movements sharp and strong, brisk but not rushing. Authoritative. Hero frowned when Friend stepped out from the driver’s seat. They watched the pair of them walk into the Ugly Duckling, Ford marching two steps ahead of Friend, letting the door close on Friend.

But Friend didn’t turn into the pub, instead he walked further to the side alley beside it and waited by the side entrance, running a hand through his hair. His nervous tic, Hero recognised with a frown.

[iknowwhythecagedbird]

Looking for Alaska by John Green: The Teenager's Grueling Search for Meaning in Life

Naturally, this book saw itself into my life as an extremely fitting one. At the time of my reading it, I was spending my summer days on the college turf John Green once walked on — Kenyon College — immersed in the writing and reading scene. This, paired with my being just a teenage girl, made this read that much more enjoyable and impactful.

Note: beyond the overview, spoilers, mentions of death, suicide, and mental illness lurk.

Overview

Looking for Alaska follows the lanky, awkward Miles "Pudge" Halter and his adjustment to new life at his boarding school in Alabama. He meets a number of troublemakers — one of which he falls in love with, Alaska Young. Despite getting set up on a date with another girl, Pudge tries not to get himself into too much trouble with her or his other cigarette-pack-smoking friends.

One feature I particularly enjoy about this book is the number of days listed at the beginning of each chapter. During the novel, the days count down from '136 days before' until they get to a certain event, and then they count upwards until they get to '136 days after.' Some of the days count down consecutively. Other times, a week or so skips by. I think this is so reflective of life, because time is just as Einstein said — relative. Some days, I'll exist, and the days will just speed by. As someone who goes to camp every summer, and who has had the privilege to attend two two-week sessions of camp this year, camp was just a set of dates on a calendar. Then I blinked. Then it was over. When I woke up each morning at Sewanee and Kenyon, I felt guilty that I hadn't spent my time sleeping to appreciate the college campuses. Each day was so interesting and fun that time just sprung up and sprinted away.

Of course, in the case of this novel, I interpreted the larger time skips as weeks where nothing particularly interesting happened. However, this makes the select days even more valuable — it takes the fun days, which usually move awfully quickly, and it documents them, slowing them down for the readers and serving as a countermeasure to what would usually be a day that just slipped under the characters' noses. Then, it took the slower days and sped them up, to show that not every event in Pudge's life is as riveting as the ones documented. He's a normal human with a normal life, just like all of us, with a few fun days out of a lifetime that stand out from the rest. In terms of the larger theme of existence in this novel, the lapses in time pose an interesting question: why live life if not everyday brings something new?

That leads me to my next point: the question of existence coupled with the teenaged perspective is highly effective. In my formative years, I have often found myself wondering, both prompted and unprompted, what it is I am doing here, and what it is I want to get out of this life. When it's prompted, it's in the form of an application where I'm staring at my blank, white laptop screen at the question of "Why _____ ?" and I'm trying to dive deep enough into myself to find the answer. Existing is hard. It's a funny world— how we use this question of "why?" as a marker, as a hand dangling meaning over our heads, taunting us to see how high our developing brains can jump up to reach it. Because, in actuality, the question of "why?" we as humans do certain things is something we have less control over than we think. That is why the religions of the world also try to grasp at it. They are examples of the human tendency to go searching for meaning, for purpose, and an answer to this existential, faraway question.

The novel proposes the question of the meaning of life as per Gabriel Garcia Marquez's The General in His Labyrinth, and as per Simon Bolivar's supposed last words: "How will I ever escape this labyrinth?" Watching this question develop into more questions and answers in the minds of the characters was a true delight. As someone constantly seeking answers to life, I'd say this novel provided a sound answer to the question.

This novel takes this complex philosophical question of existentialism and places it into context of teenagers. It is essentially a Philosophy for Dummies book with a captivating plot and complex characters that are all the more human.

Birdsong (Quotes)

I decided to dedicate a section to different quotes that really stood out to me.

"Sarah slammed the door so hard that a sizable biography of Leo Tolstoy (last words: 'The truth is, I care a great deal what they…') fell off my bookshelf and landed with a thud on our checkered floor like an echo of the slamming of the slamming door."

Pudge's 'last words' quirk works so effectively and beautifully here in several ways. First, there appears to be an irony in the way that the book is falling to its death and is, in effect, dying like Leo Tolstoy and saying its last words. Second, in context, this last word musing serves as an effective tactic to share a bit about the subtext or the reaction of Chip towards Sarah in the conversation they just had. Tolstoy’s last words are Chip’s words left unsaid, and so they come crashing down on him and hurting him as badly as Sarah slamming the door hurts him. This juxtaposition was just so captivating. And now, onto the Alaska highlights.

"'Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia ... imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.'”

This is one of the many reasons why I love Alaska Young. Here, she's talking about using the future as a crutch to cope with the suffering in the present, in the labyrinth of life. This quote presents an alarming awareness of the tendency to rely on time to heal our wounds and quell our suffering. Looking back, this quote does err on the side of suicidal. I interpret it as her saying, "it does in fact, never get better, even though we promise ourselves it will." It's a good seed-planting tactic on Green's part, and a deep thought to resonate with.

"'They just don't make sex look fun for women. The girl is just an object. Look! Look at that! ...This is what can happen to women, Pudge. That woman is someone's daughter. This is what you make us do for money.”

This might just turn into an essay on why I love Alaska Young because here is the second exhibit. Alaska says this during one of the more controversial parts of the novel where she highlights the objectification of women as she watches pornography with Pudge. To just take this scene as "kids watching porn" and not highlight the clear commentary that is being made about women in the films, in my opinion, is missing the point of the scene entirely. Green couldn't be more obvious in his messaging on women and the patriarchy than through Alaska's claims in this quote. This scene and similar scenes in literature addressing the misogyny and sexism in pornography are valuable because without scenes like these, teens may just encounter pornography one day, receive the subliminal—and sometimes overt—objectification of women, and go on in life thinking that this kind of behavior is okay, when it's not.

“'You don't even care about her!'” he shouted. "'All that matters is you and your precious fucking fantasy that you and Alaska had this goddamned secret love affair and she was going to leave Jake for you and you'd live happily ever after. But she kissed a lot of guys, Pudge. And if she were here, we both know that she would still be Jake's girlfriend and that there'd be nothing but drama between the two of you—not love, not sex, just you pining after her and her like, 'You're cute, Pudge, but I love Jake.' If she loved you so much, why did she leave you that night? And if you loved her so much, why'd you help her go? I was drunk. What's your excuse?'”

My jaw literally hit the floor. The conflict that bloomed between Pudge and The Colonel when Alaska died was just so well executed. This monologue hit HARD. I don't really have any analysis to say about this one, just that it evoked such an insane reaction out of me. Maybe that's the point of this quote—to demonstrate the duality this book has: artful prose worth analyzing and also moments like these that just left me absolutely stunned. I'm not sure how Pudge came back from this. Especially the last two lines. Absolutely crazy.

"It was not enough to be the last guy she kissed. I wanted to be the last one she loved. And I knew I wasn't. "

Painful.

Discussion

I'll start with the most pressing concern about this book in the literary community. And I will start by saying that the scene with Lara and Pudge did in fact have a literary purpose, and that was to add to the gallery of teenagehood the entire rest of the story had been painting. It specifically harped on the part of being a teenager that is experimentation and learning what one enjoys and what one does not enjoy. Wisdom comes from experience, and sometimes we only learn by living through a thing. Sometimes things happen, and we're stuck because we've never encountered it before, and the only way we learn is by doing. And for most, the teenage years are for that learning. It's what the novel calls The Great Perhaps, and there will come a time in all of our lives when we have to explore it.

I knew Alaska was going to die when I saw the countdown and the I knew that Pudge loved her. I had seen it in The Fault In Our Stars and I thought I was ready. But I ended up getting emotionally attached to her anyway, and so I felt the grief just as much as Pudge did. There is something beautiful in that, how my mind overrode the thought of death so quickly, as if it was trying to force its way out of my brain, how the writing took her away too soon. Maybe it had to do with the first person perspective of the novel. Only John Green could make the same move twice and have it hurt just as hard both times. 

The death scene makes an interesting callback to what I wrote earlier before the days began counting upwards; some days are less interesting than others. When you lose someone, you sometimes wish you could remember all of the days, both the interesting and the boring. You wish you could somehow go back to the boring ones and find something interesting about them, but it was just another day that went by when that person was alive and you took it for granted. Life moves too quickly to not feel the urge to enjoy it while you have it.

This book gave me a newfound joy for life. It made me eternally grateful for the fact that I am, indeed, a teenager, right now in this moment, and that I am, in fact, indestructible. It infused a newfound sense of hope and courage into me. I can do anything.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #307

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

Experiment in progress. Refer to case logs.

“How am I supposed to stay awake all night?!?”

“Not all night,” she said with a reassuring tone. “Twenty-four hours. That’s important. Actually, I think we can just start the clock at when you woke up this morning. Which was…?”

I rolled my eyes. “About ten.”

“About ten?”

“I didn’t wake up to an alarm on a Saturday, Celeste.” I grumbled. “So yeah, about ten.”

“I’ll have to start the timer at ten thirty then.” I heard a beep come from wherever Celeste was, loudly in my ears. “But don’t worry, I’ll keep you company the whole time.”

I groaned. “Great. Exactly what I wanted. A guest in my brain while I deprive myself of sleep. You know teenagers need more sleep than you thirty-year-olds, right?”

“Twenty-nine! I’m twenty-nine!”

“Whatever.”

“Listen, you ingrate, I -”

“Ingrate? Who’s the one asking who for a favor?”

Celeste took a deep breath. “Alright, you’ve got me there. Look, I pulled all-nighters back in college, so I think I can offer some tips. For one, you’ve got to keep yourself busy. Queue up a show on Netflix. You’ve got Netflix, right?”

“Everyone has Netflix, Celeste.”

“Of course. In addition, you’re gonna want crazy amounts of sugar and caffeine. Get yourself a few cups of that coffee you spilled the other day.”

“Woah, woah,” I put my hands in front of me. “I can’t go out today! If Dad sees me, he’ll think I’m lying about feeling too sick to go shooting with him.”

“But he won’t see you because he’s going shooting, right?”

“I can’t take the risk. This is the only place I can be sure I have privacy.”

“Get familiar with the Keurig, then.”

I scratched my head. “We don’t have one of those. And I’m not sure how to use the coffee grinder…”

Celeste muttered under her breath. “Unbelievable…”

“I think I have some Monster energy drinks in the fridge.”

“Of course you do. Drink those tonight. One every few hours. Space it out. You can figure out the details. Next, you gotta have snacks.”

“We always have snacks around. It’s one of the perks of living with my grandparents. There’s ice cream, too.”

“All of that is good. The name of the game is staying stimulated, and whatever you do, not falling asleep. If you fall asleep - even briefly - we’ll have to try again.”

~

Since I had uninvited company, I wasn’t able to fully engage with my typical solo weekend activity of self-loathing. So I immediately started browsing Netflix - the next best thing.

“Ooh,” Celeste said. “Stranger Things is good.”

“Isn’t that horror? I’m not really into that. My life is scary enough as it is.” I continued aimlessly scrolling.

“Death Note! You’ve gotta see Death Note!”

“I’m not really into anime…”

“Are you kidding me? What do you even like?”

I shrugged.

“Watch it anyway. Trust me.”

I sighed. I figured I might as well try it, since I didn’t have anything better to do. I was the one holding the remote, so I could tap out whenever. Surprisingly, though, I was pretty quickly hooked. We were about a third through when my grandparents called me out for dinner.

“Celeste?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for the recommendation. Also… I’m half convinced now that you’re a shinigami.”

“Hyuk hyuk hyuk,” she replied in a shockingly accurate impression.

Dinner was meatloaf, which I scarfed down. I hadn’t gotten around to having lunch… or breakfast, for that matter. I hadn’t been hungry. But I was feeling much better now.

“So…” Pops asked with a leading pause, as he tended to with awkward questions. “Yesterday, you came back home from seeing your father with a bloody nose.” He gave a quizzical shrug. “What’s going on there?”

“It’s like I said,” I poked at my mashed potatoes. “It was from the weather.”

He nodded, though I could see he was skeptical. I looked over at Grandma and she too seemed concerned.

“Really. We had a good time. He asked me about my day at school, helped with my homework, gave me advice about girls…”

“Oh!” Grandma exclaimed. “You’ve got a crush?”

“Uh… yeah, I mean… sort of. I, uh… I just feel like, as a junior now, I should have a date to Homecoming. That’s all, really. Someone might have already asked her out though, so…”

“Who?”

“Serenity.”

They both reacted positively.

“You know,” Pops said. “I always thought that Serenity was a nice girl.”

Grandma beamed. “You two would make a cute couple.”

I gulped. “Sure, yeah, absolutely, I just… uh. I’m nervous, that’s all.” I didn’t care for this topic, really, but it was better than the last one.

Pops put his hand on my shoulder. “Trevor, you trust your old Pops, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’ve got to listen to me. Monday morning, first chance you get, track her down and ask her. If you keep putting it off, you’ll get too twisted around in your head.”

“But what if she says no?”

“Ask someone else. Plenty of fish in the sea.”

“I dunno… She might not even want to go to the dance, since her ankle is sprained and all…”

“Then don’t take it personally if she says no. Okay?” He patted me on the back. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

~

“You know what?” Celeste said as I plopped back down in bed. “He gave you some pretty good advice.”

“I dunno…” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I get the feeling I’m not her type. I think she just sees me as a friend.”

“Why do you say that?”

I paused for a moment. Was I really going to tell someone how I felt, even someone who couldn’t possibly tell anybody else? No, no, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I still didn’t trust Celeste, not completely. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure she was real.

“I…” I took a deep breath and choked on it. “I think she likes sportier guys. Athletes. You know, like her. That’s always the sort of guy she dates.”

“Maybe you could break the streak?”

“Look, just… forget it. I don’t even want to ask her out anymore. Drop it.”

I pressed play on the next episode of Death Note. Celeste was quiet for a bit, just as enveloped in the show as I was. It must have been interesting to see something she was familiar with through fresh eyes - literally, I assumed. But she was more interested in vivisecting my soul.

“Trevor, why did you lie to your grandparents about what happened at your father’s?

I pressed pause. “Why do you need to know?”

“I don’t.”

I pressed play. I didn’t want to talk about it. I never wanted to talk about it… oh, who was  kidding. Time and time again, I’d tell people I didn’t want to talk about things that were bothering me because I knew it would only scare them off. Finally I had someone begging to hear it, who I wanted to scare off. I paused it again.

“When people ask about my dad… I tell them what they want to hear. They want to hear about the usual sort of dad stuff, you know? Nobody wants to hear me talk about how he’s always obsessed with guns and vaping and weed and never bothers to care about my life. I mean…” my breath caught in my throat. “I mean, I don’t mind it. He’s my best friend. I love him. But other people don’t get it. I just don’t want them to worry.”

“I see.”

I looked at the pattern on my comforter. Celestes eyes were my own, but for the two sets of pupils to meet right now felt like an impossibly painful proposition.

“The way he acts isn’t your fault, Trevor. Even when you think you’ve made him angry, he just… he doesn’t want to be happy. No matter what you do for him.”

“What the fuck do you know?” I yelled, a tear forcing its way out of my eye. I lowered my voice to avoid attracting attention. “You don’t know anything about him.”

“I know more than you think.”

“Stop saying that!”

“And I know why you won’t tell me what you saw in your vision. He was there, wasn’t he?”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! See you again tomorrow.

[starlightmoon96]

Yandere Optimus Prime/Yandere Megatron x OC character chapter 5

Chapter 5.

"When Sabina woke up do to her alarm clock she couldn't help but feel this strange sensation on her lips and that they tasted metallic almost, she didn't want that to bother her too much since Valentine's day was a couple of days away she had to prepare for the worst that came to her. Sabina did her normal morning rotten, like she did every morning she had to go into work and Richard was kind enough to offer her a ride there and he had something special planned for her since she had to go into New York on Tuesday. Since Sabina had to go to work she had to war librarian type of clothes she knew that he would take his motorcycle so she wore something that involved pants and her hair up in a braided bun, before going into the library Sabina hugged Richard goodbye and the two took their separate leaves. Sabina had to reorganize some of the bookshelves, there was surprisingly a lot of people mostly young college girls wanting to check in romance book and some of their boyfriends where with them.

"Hey Sabina you got a Valentines present." Hearing her friend Heather say that made Sabina stop what she was doing and went over to where her friend was, she was surprised when she met up with Heather. On the library check in and out counter was a black box with her name on a note on the outside of it, Sabina opened and it revealed a dozen of laid roses. They weren't normal roses either they were six black and six purple all in tight buds and with sharp thorns still attached to them, but in that box was also a letter so. The front of the card had a very strange symbol on it what it really had was Megatron's name Sabina knew who had send her those flowers that made her fall back on the ground barely screaming and backing away from the box in fear, that made her friend Heather very worried for her

"Sabina the hell? What's wrong?" She helped Sabina off the ground and she quickly hugged her with Sabina's head resting on Heather's chest as her body started shacking, that attention quickly caught there's boss's attention that made him come up to them and he asked

"What happened?"

"I don't know? Sabina opened that box and the next thing she started freaking out like in a horror movie." Heather answered his question after she looked back at Sabina that was still trembling in fear while still holding onto her, there boss walked over to the box with the roses and picked up the letter that was in it.

"What kind of language is this?" Was what he asked himself before he opened the letter and started reading it to himself

" My dearest,

Why deny your fate and what I offered you? I can give you the freedom that you wished for, I can give you wings to fly. And even love you like no one else, there isn't anywhere that I can't find you, though you already tried once and look where that got too. Consider what I told your father, though he paid the price for his betrayal on my part don't make the same mistake he did with me." Right after their boss finished reading that letter he looked over to Sabina the was being comforted by Heather then he questioned her

"Sabina how long have you been stalked by this man?" Hearing him say that shocked Heather but surprised Sabina as the tears in her eyes stopped she looked at him and saw that his aura was a concerned, Sabina had a gift that was passed down on her mother's side of the family which is why she had her rare sapphire eyes. They had the power to see aura of living things, it's a very rare gift and it's gotten her out of trouble and knew who to trust or not her mother and grandmother taught her how to use her gift properly without her father's knowledge. He didn't believe in powers and things related to it, Sabina knew better not to mention her gift to him even after her mother's death the only person she told was Tōshirō and he believed her.

"For about nine years now." Was Sabina answer to her boss that shocked the both of them and Heather said to her with concern

"Nine years even since you where fourteen? That long?" As Sabina was talking she looked down at her feet and held her own arm

"Six years ago during my junior year I decide to leave and come down state here in secret, apparently this guy is powerful and has eyes everywhere." Right after she said that her boss asked her

"Was this man your kidnapper?" She simple nods yes to him once and gave him a verbal answer

"Yes the ones the work under him were the ones, I was very lucky to escape the way I did." When she said that there boss looked over to Heather and asked her

"Did you see who put this box here?"

"No sir I didn't." Was her answer to him there boss looked back to Sabina that looked up and he asked her

"Do you know what your stalker looks like Miss Rose or his name?" She answered him with a simple no head shake, but after she shook her head she said to the two of them

"Please don't tell anyone else about this, I'm already taking care of it. I don't want things to get worse." After that conversation was over everyone went back to work, Heather wanted to be around Sabina to make sure things where alright on her end and their boss was looking through the secret security cameras looking for whoever put the box on the counter. Sabina checked out at 2pm for having the morning shift, when she went out the door she saw Richard parked right near the entrance in his dark silver mclaren 570s. The place Richard took Sabina was Disneyland she was so happy and surprised at the same time she hadn't been to Disneyland since her mother was still around, another thing Richard did was schedule an appointment for a Disney princess makeover for Sabina. He even had a special made $1500 yellow Belle dress made for her that was brought to the park several hours ahead, she had her hair done in Bell's style the makeup all of it. She loved the entire look as did everyone else a lot of little girls wanted to take pictures with Sabina and she was more than happy to do it, she even took pictures with Richard he even gave her a red rose that she as happy to take. Before leaving the building Sabina had her clothes and bag in a Disneyland bag that she carried around with her, she had a very amazing day and almost forgot the incident at the library she was happy."

When Monday came for her classes she actually got up five minutes later after her alarm was going off, like normal she did what she normal did every morning. Luckily she didn't haft to waste time packing for her trip to New York she already did it, since Valentine's Day was three days away she decided to wear something a little new. She wore out a red sweet Lolita heart hollow out dress, under it she wore long black leggings. Sabina still needed her ankle brace so she wear any type of sandal or tight shoes, luckily there was a pair of black punk ribbon lace platform sneakers that went with the outfit. But the first thing she did was putting her hair up in a cute double bun that involved bangs, before leaving her apartment she decided to wear her sapphire pendent necklace. Since it was cold Sabina also had to wear a red scarf instead of a coat the dress the thin as where the leggings, she had to bring her back pack with her around Valentine's Day there a lot of gifts involved at the college she went too. She didn't haft to walk to her college Optimus called her the other night he called checking up on her again and she asked him if he could drive her to her college and he agreed, Sabina was happy seeing optimus parked near her driveway the second she got in the passenger's seat he started to drive off.

"I really want to thank you again Optimus, to be honest with you I was a little nervous coming out of my apartment." The second after she said that optimus asked her

"Really what happened?" Sabina sighed as she clutch her hand onto her scarf with a nervous look on her face

"Well um…yesterday during work….I ah received something from someone that I tried escaping for eight years now. He found me." As she was talking she started shaking in fear

"What was even worse he knows where I work, no doubt he knows where I live. After six years it's happening all over again, apparently my father worked under him and he killed him. I just don't know what to do?"

"Eight years? She would have been still barely a child? Megatron's been after her for that long and tormented her?" Optimus thought that to himself seeing Sabina barely tear up and she started wiping her tears off with her scarf

"Megaton you most certain won't have her. I'll make sure of it." Optimus stop when he reached Sabina's college she said to goodbyes to him as she was walking to her campus, after the first hour had past Sabina already got twenty boxes of valentine chocolates, love letter and dozens of red roses. She put them in her back pack that was started to run out of room in her bag and she couldn't carry around the flowers all around campus, she asked Doctor Price if she could leave her gifts in his officer until she was done with all her classes. He was happy to help her out and she was happy about that, but she was happy to see that his aura showed that he was telling the truth. It was actually a nice day mostly because the aura of love was everywhere, which will increase since the holiday of love was coming so close. After finishing her oil painting class she was heading back to the campus's clinic, she noticed that her shoe lace came un done and started tying it so she wouldn't trip on her own feet. But as soon as she stood up to felt a very familiar presents from behind her, the next thing she knew she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist from behind.

"Sabina how nice to see you again." She knew who was behind her and had his arms wrapped around her, it was Tom Negran he still spoke her this time calmly talking into her ear

"I was quite surprised seeing you like this, I quite like it." Sabina barely grasp as she felt his hand lifting off her waist to remove her scarf that was around her neck really revealing the front of the dress he let it fall to ground right near her feet, Sabina felt that his aura was much different than before. It was twisted with emotions she never felt before.

"W-What do you want from me?" She finally managed to speak to him that made him smile to her as he answered her question

"I think it should be obvious." Without warn he covered her mouth with his free hand and barely bit onto her ear that made her scream in shock from under his hand and his other hand caresses her waist to her hip that caused Sabina to struggle to get free from him, he spoke to her he released her ear

"To be honest this really doesn't suit my nature, but I suppose I'm alright with it?" With his hand still on her waist he was able to hold her in place despite her struggling movements, Sabina knew that this wasn't a normal person for a while and now she was certain that he wasn't human when he made physical contact with her his aura was turning malicious and hostel those two things she avoided in people.

"Got something to say?" Was what he asked her seeing that she wanted to speak to him, so he released his hand off her mouth that allowed her to talk to him

"Who are you, or should I say what are you I can tell you're not human." That only made a smile on Tom's face as he spoke to her

"Oh so you can tell? How unusual?" Right after he said that he released Sabina and she quickly ran away from him as fast as she could despite her hurt ankle, she didn't realize that she forgot her scarf as she was still running. Tom picked up the scarf off the ground and barely sniffed it that made a grin on his face

"It would appear that I was right she isn't a normal human after all. I would have loved to see what she saw." Sabina finally made it to the client catching her breath, both her friend Yuko and Doctor Price where a little surprised seeing her burst through the door the way she did. Of course they asked her what happened, she lied saying that she was running a little late and didn't want to keep them waiting. But she saw her friend's aura was concerned for her even after they left the campus, Yuko wanted to help Sabina with caring her Valentine's Day gifts. She would carry the boxes of chocolates and gifts in boxes while Sabina carried all the flowers she received, Yuko had a car and offered to take her back to her apartment. During the drive Sabina texted Tōshirō telling him had happened and even wrote the incident at her job, she asked if he could buy and install a very state of the art security lock on her front door. He replied to her imminently saying that he'll do it and was already at the electronics store getting a new computer, which made her happy and relieved at the same time. After some driving they finally made it to Sabina's apartment what they didn't noticed as they were taking the valentine gifts out of the car was Optimus parked across from the apartment's parking lot, the first thing optimus noticed that Sabina wasn't wearing her scarf. It made him worry a little the second thing was massive amount of gifts that she and her friends got out of the car and heading into the building, he felt a little angry and jealous at the same time which where new emotions for him.

"Thanks again for helping me out Yuko." Sabina said that to Yuko as she was putting the flowers on her counter and Yuko spoke back to her as she put the chocolates and gifts on the coffee table

"Hey what are friends for, plus I get to be in your bad ass apartment again."

"Um Yuko can I ask you for a favor?" That caught her friend's attention and Sabina continued talking to her

"As you everyone else know I'm going back to my home state for my father's funeral, I won't be back for a couple of days. I was hoping that you could house set my place until I get back." Her friend was completely surprised at what she said and she said to her with a smile on her face

"Really you serious hell yes."

"Why don't you go back to your parent's place and start packing, you can stay the night here, it'll be like a little slumber party." Yuko did just that she quickly stormed out of Sabina's apartment with a big smile on her face, just as she left Tōshirō arrived to the apartment. He showed Sabina what type of lock he bought for her, which was a finger print scanner. It took him about twenty minutes to install it onto her door, when he finished Yuko showed up with a small suitcase on her person.

"Tōshirō what a nice surprise." He looked over to her and smile

"Yuko nice to see you again too, Sabina told me you're going to house sit. And you were staying the night."

"Yeah that's right I'm pretty honored." After she said that she notice the new door handle and asked

"Is that a finger print scanner?" As Tōshirō answered her question he looked over to it as he started activating it

"It is Sabina wanted to make certain that no one gets in her apartment while she goes out eve after our trip." When he finished he pressed his finger on the scanner and it approved, then Sabina was next and she also placed her finger on the scanner as Yuko questioned him

"But the neighborhood is safe and the security here was what you wanted for Sabina when she wanted to have her own place." When the scanner approved Sabina's print she released her finger

"Yuko your turn, your print got to be on this as well." Yuko quickly went up to the scanner and placed her finger on the scanner as Tōshirō answered her question

"Actually things got a little more complicated and serious, I'm going to haft to take her back to japan with me after she finishes college for her own safety. I already found a building that has the type of security I'm looking for, I just need to go there in person and sign the lease there." They didn't realize that someone was listening in to the conversation, like before Optimus was using his holoform with time he managed to hack into the building security cameras whenever he entered the building. He listened to them when Yuko came back, hearing that Sabina would leave the country in several month made him angry very angry.

"Please don't tell me your stalker found you, is that the real reason." Hearing her friend Yuko say that surprised him that made him come back to his senses Sabina answered her question barely looking over her shoulder

"Yeah it is, yesterday was what started it. But today was the ice breaker." Yuko quickly knew what she meant by that and said to her

"You lied, that's why you where such a hurry. It was the damn guy from the bar wasn't it, I knew there was something off about him."

"But you did the right thing about keeping your cool and not reveal anything to your friends about her situation." Tōshirō said that to yuko as he placed her arm around Sabina's should Yuko sighed and placed her hand on her hip

"I'm just looking out for her, my cousin would have done the same thing with her when they were still dating back New York." As she was talking she look directly at Sabina

"You were the best thing that ever happened that came in his life, it really broke his heart when that incident came." Sabina looked back at her as she spoke to her with a worried look on her face and tears started falling down her cheeks

"You don't think I know that? I love Hiro, it hurt me as much as it hurt him. I had no other choice." After she said that Tōshirō was a little surprised as he asked her

"You still love him? After six years." She looked at him and said to him

"Of course I do, he's still the love of my life." The second after she said they heard a loud bang that came from across the hall, that noise made Tōshirō to go over where it came from. When he got there he saw that no one was there, but there was a hole in the wall like someone strong punched it out on anger.

[liquidstar]

behold

I was in church, and everything seemed A-Okay, until… I had to pee and the devil was in the toilet.

I was in my room, when I heard my mother call for me. I went downstairs, and it wasn’t my mother, it was the meat-wearer.

I love looking at old family pictures. But I realized I’m not in any of them.

My girlfriend is usually a sweet girl. Until the feeding hour arrives. 

The college dormitories are so quiet at night. Except for when I’m killing people.

I bought brand new boots. To stomp a dog to DEATH. 

I was always creeped out when stuffed animals in my house got rearranged. Turns out it was the man in the bed. 

The frogs are so loud at night… Until I shut the cage door. 

I once had a little bunny. Too bad he was taken in the blood storms. 

The day is usually so peaceful in the village. Except for when the watchers look at you.

I was scuba diving in the deepest canyon in America. Until the creature closed its mouth. 

School always gave me an eerie feeling. Then the spiders started to hatch

When I smiled, she didn’t smile back. What’s wrong with this mirror? 

The mask fit so tightly around my face. It fit so tightly until I couldn’t remove it. 

My facial hair started growing faster and faster. I liked it until I woke up and couldn’t breathe. 

It was a normal visit to my dentist. Until he began to drill past my tooth. 

I looked over to my right and saw my dad looking at me through the window. I live on the sixth floor. 

I felt a hand pierce my chest at 7:01AM. I Woke up at 7:00 and saw the door creek open. 

I used to love playing the piano. Until it grew real teeth. 

My friend was a police officer, and he was down to his last bullet. But he’d be damned if he’d let that monster be the one to kill him. 

My grandmother’s been on life support for four years now, I swore I remember her passing a year ago. So I freaked out when I tried to plug my phone in and her life support wasn’t connected. 

I hate it when my flip flops slip off my feet. My problems were solved when my torturer put sandpaper on them. 

I find missing items in my house. Turns out it was the man in the bed.

Every night my poster would move one inch closer to the door. Turns out it wanted to leave. 

I feel like the woman in the painting always stares at me. But it scared me more when the next morning, she wasn’t there. 

There was a pregnant woman who witnessed my murder. I had to kill every witness, including the baby. 

Me and my friends were having a blast. So sad that the bomb went off so soon. 

I just bought brand new running shoes. I’ll put it to the test when I chase my victim. 

A guy told me that socks and sandals were the worst crime. I showed him when I killed his family. 

I hate it when the power goes out. Turns out it was the man in the bed. 

I thought my neighbor had the best Halloween decorations. Until I saw them walking away.

I sneezed alone in my room. The man in the bed said “bless you.” 

My wife has been cheating on me for years, and I finally found out with who. It was the man in the bed.

My tie keeps getting tighter. Finally loosened up when my head popped open. 

My friends and I were playing in the sand. Three hours later I’m the only one still above the surface. 

I woke up and felt I could barely breathe. Until the torturer pulled off my hood. 

I was having such a blast with my family. Then I woke up to the screams of the family in my cage. 

I was having a normal day. Then I saw the skull. 

My brother and I went to summon a ghost. When he summoned the ghost, I said “hello!”

I have a twin brother, and we experience the same sensations. I wish he told me before he got surgery. 

I was scheduled for open heart surgery. I got it earlier when the torturer got its hands on me. 

I was nailing up a poster. Then the wall started bleeding. 

I was running with my new sneakers, and I couldn’t stop. Until I died. 

I died in a car crash. I’m writing this from beyond the grave. 

I was just laying down, when someone laid on top of me. I am the man in the bed. 

I was playing with my new Oculus. But When I removed my headset, I saw my controllers were two severed penises. 

I was playing basketball with my friends, and then I went in for a dunk. I made it, but my excitement was quickly replaced by fear when I noticed my hands were gone and the hoop’s razor sharp edge was covered in blood. 

Halloween candy tastes normal. Until I started tasting human flesh. 

It was a quiet, peaceful night, so I decided to take a walk in the woods to enjoy the serenity.  But when I turned the corner, a skeebo was there.

My jaw hurts immensely. I can’t believe my own brother would do that to me.

Me and my mom were walking in the woods, I noticed she was trailing behind. When I turned around, a skeebo was there.

Something was dripping from my ceiling. It was a dead body’s juices. 

I was scrolling through my phone on TikTok. All of a sudden, TikTok was scrolling on me. 

My house is so cramped and dark, I see this strange thing at the end of the hallway. That’s when I finally made it to the other side of the tunnel. 

My brother loves to play in the snow. But so does yeti.

I was taking a walk on a vacation in Italy. Then I met the Tuscan Flame Bat.

I heard knocking at my door in the middle of the night. I opened it and saw the Red-Eyed Dusk Beast.

that reminds me of the joke two sentence horror stories me and my brothers wrote, i actually still think theyre all hilarious hold on im just going to post them all

[gabseyoo]

Jealous.

pairing: getō suguru x fem!reader | wc: 5k.

summary: Getō Suguru and you only have a friends with benefits relationship, just sex, no feelings, no commitments. He knows this very well, but after an unexpected encounter with your ex, he can’t help but feel something he shouldn’t: jealousy. 

warnings: college!au, fwb to lovers, lovesick!suguru, love confession, jealousy, possessive behavior, alcohol use, exhibitionism, car sex, dry humping, marking, spanking, fingering, spit as lube, unprotected sex, creampie, reader is a tease.

Suguru drank from his freshly poured beer, furrowing his brow at the strong taste but still took another sip. He was at one of his friend's party, standing in the middle of the kitchen with his best friend, Satoru, who kept talking about a video game he’s been obsessed with lately. At first, he was paying attention even though he didn’t understand what the fuck he was talking about, but his attention was stolen when he saw a female figure he knew a little too well in the living room. 

“I wanted to buy more, but I ran out of primogems and—” 

“Wait a second.” He cut his friend off to make sure it wasn’t his imagination, but no, she really was here.

Satoru frowned in confusion, but when he looked to where Suguru’s eyes were fixed, a smirk appeared on his face, “Oh, look who’s there.” 

“I’ll be back.”

“Simp.” 

The black-haired man just rolled his eyes at his friend's mockery and grabbed an extra cup of beer before heading towards the living room. 

“Hey.” Suguru greeted you while sitting next to you on that old blue couch. “Didn’t know you were coming.” He added handing you the red cup, which you accepted with a smile before speaking, 

“It was supposed to be a movie night, but Utahime wanted to come.” You nodded to your friend who was passionately playing beer pong paired with Shoko on the other side of the room. “Not complaining, tho. I like the vibe.” 

“This is the song you like, isn’t it?” He pointed out when he recognized the beat of Kiss Me More in the background. 

“I love Doja Cat so fucking much.” You leaned your head back against the back of the couch and closed your eyes, enjoying the obscene words of the song that Suguru knew perfectly from listening to you sing it so many times. “Where’s Satoru?”

“Flirting with a girl, maybe.” He said playfully, smiling to himself as he watched you let out a chuckle at his words. Of course he wasn’t going to tell you that he left him stranded in the kitchen to come talk to you. 

“No way? That’s like, super weird.” You stated sarcastically as you opened your eyes to meet Geto’s intense dark ones that hadn’t stopped staring at you since he sat down next to you. You licked your lips before continuing the conversation, “How did your test go?” 

What kind of relationship do you and Suguru have? It’s kind of complicated. Well, not so much for you, but for him. 

You had been in the same circle of friends since early college, casually hanging out in groups at coffee shops or parties; he always thought you were a pretty attractive woman, but never tried to make a move on you. Until eight months ago. When you had both ended up at his apartment at two in the morning, drunk, but not enough to forget when you woke up in each other’s arms the mind-blowing sex you had had in the wee hours of the morning. 

To his surprise, it was you who suggested that it not end in a one-night stand, sure enough, he accepted immediately. Since then, almost every weekend—or even weekdays—, Suguru found himself between your legs, touching and licking every inch of your precious body, kissing your lips and moaning your name over and over again.  

But as most of the time happens in a friends-with-benefits relationship, someone has to fall first. And unfortunately, that was him. 

The love he felt for you was consuming him completely, just two weekends ago Satoru had to confiscate his phone because he got drunk and all he wanted was to confess his feelings to you with tears in his eyes while a Taylor Swift song played in the background. 

Geto was tired of having you without actually having you. He wanted whatever you had to have an official label. He wanted all the early morning showers, dinner dates or late night texting you used to have to be with his girlfriend, not with the girl he happens to have sex with. 

Sometimes, he liked to fantasize about what it would be like if you were officials. Maybe post you on social media, with one of those stupid Instagram filters you like so much, comment on your photos, hold hands in public while walking your dogs, meeting your parents, tell the world you are his, but— he wasn’t even sure if you were or wanted to be. 

It bothered him more that your relationship was not even a secret, all your friends knew what you usually do. It was normal for them to see you two kissing in the middle of a party and leaving together, or refusing outings saying that you already have plans with each other. It bothered him because he couldn't even victimize himself by saying that he was a dirty little secret, he just wanted you to reciprocate his feelings. 

Yes, it was his fault, you were honest from the beginning, you said it was just casual and that there would be no feelings involved, but the heart wants what it wants. 

Well, let’s stop being sentimental.

So right now, he’s content to be in conversation with you. Your hand had moved from your knee to his, casually making imaginary shapes with your index finger as he told you about his week. You were normally quite touchy with each other, so it wasn’t uncommon, but he couldn’t help but feel his heart race at the mere physical contact. 

But your pleasant conversation was interrupted by a guy who suddenly sat down on the armrest next to you. 

“Didn’t expect to meet you here, Y/N.” The man stole your attention, a half smile appeared on your face as you recognized him and for the same reason Suguru’s smile disappeared. “How are you, pretty?” He asked leaning over to greet you with a kiss on the cheek. Geto could do nothing but distract himself by drinking his beer. “I haven’t seen you for three months.” Three months?

“I’m fine— I’m the one who didn’t expect to meet you here.” You responded with some nervousness in your voice, “Suguru, you remember Naoya, right?” You turned to look at him pointing your thumb at the blonde guy. 

“Yeah.” Hell he does. 

He never interacted or talked much with him, but of course he knew who he was— your ex-boyfriend. 

You and Naoya Zen’in had dated for almost two years but broke up a couple of months before you and Suguru started your thing. As far as he knew your relationship with Naoya was pretty stormy and toxic and that’s why you decided to break up for good. That’s why Geto had never considered him a ‘threat’, but seeing him come and talk to you so naturally, even using a nickname, and him saying that you hadn’t seen him for three fucking months, made his stomach turn. 

“Hey.” Naoya greeted him with a casual nod and he did the same, but the blond returned his attention to you immediately. “Anyway, I texted you yesterday, you didn’t reply.”

“I’ve been busy.” 

“Doing what?” He interrogated, clearly annoyed with your curt reply. Naoya seemed to notice the hand you had on Suguru’s knee, because he frowned and licked his lip before asking, “You guys are dating or something?” 

For some reason, Geto got his hopes up for a moment, expecting to hear a yes or at least a ‘something like that’, even if it was a lie, you recognizing him as something else in front of Naoya was enough to—

“We’re just friends.” You answered, removing your hand from his knee to see your perfectly manicured nails. 

A kick in the balls would have hurt less. 

Suguru didn’t want to admit how affected he felt by it, it was the truth, just the harsh truth and yet he decided to hurt himself by waiting for another answer. He was just a friend with whom you had sex without commitment, it was obvious that you wouldn’t say that to your ex.

Naoya just nodded and drank from his red cup before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, the black-haired noticed how you tensed. He just wanted to hit him, push him and tell him not to dare touch you, but he knew he had no right to do so and that the least you would like was to make a scene. 

The sudden sound of a notification on his phone brought him out of his thoughts—he hadn’t even realized he had clenched his fists—he sighed before reaching into his pocket for his device. 

Satoru: 

u better fight for your princess ‘cause it looks like she’s being stolen from you :p 

do something

tell him to fuck off

He frowned and looked around for his best friend, finding him a few meters behind him along with Nanami. The white-haired man waved his hands at him, telling him to get rid of Naoya. That’s what he wanted the most, the problem was that he didn't know how. 

He turned, ignoring how you were having a hushed conversation with your ex to type on his phone,

Suguru: 

what the hell do i do?

Satoru: 

for god’s sake, you’re hopeless 

leave it to me, hold on

“Is that the scrunchie I gave you?” He heard Naoya say, out of curiosity he turned to look at you, your ex was fiddling with your low ponytail, his eyes fixed on the pink scrunchie that tied your hair. 

“Is it?” You brought your hand to the back of your head, undoing the improvised ponytail you had made to look at the hair tie, the movement pushing your ex’s hand away. Suguru swore he could almost see hearts in Naoya’s eyes when you let your hair down. 

He couldn’t take it anymore, he was about to explode. He had seen you use that same scrunchie dozens of times, and knowing that it was your asshole ex-boyfriend who gave it to you made him feel ten times worst. 

“Yeah. You still use it, huh?” 

“Well, I’m using it now, isn’t that a yes?” You said tying your hair back up. Geto could notice how you were downplaying what Naoya said, and that appeared to irritate the blond, who didn't seem to be giving up. 

C’mon Suguru, do something. Do fucking something. 

“Y/N, are you doing some—” Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by a six-foot-two man who suddenly appeared at his side. 

“Zen’in! Long time no see!” Satoru greeted cheerfully, hooking his arm over Naoya’s shoulders making him stand next to him. “Hey Y/N, I didn’t see you there, you don’t mind if I steal him for a while, do you?”

“He’s all yours.” 

“Wait! Gojo—” Naoya tried to break free from the grip but failed in the attempt. 

“The boys are asking for you, let’s go play beer pong!” He shouted practically dragging your ex with him. The white-haired man looked over his shoulder, mouthing a get out of here to his best friend before pulling Naoya out to the garden. 

Well— Satoru was more useful than he thought.

“Thank God.” You sang, stretching your arms back in relief. “He keeps insisting that he wants us to get back together.”

Suguru gulped, his fists clenched again and he felt a knot in his stomach. He was hurt and overthinking, what he had witnessed between you and your ex had affected him too much. You have no right to feel this way, he reminded himself. 

But still, he couldn’t help the anger that was building inside him. Jealousy was eating him alive. 

It’s time to do something. 

“Y/N—” You looked at him waiting for his next words, “Let’s get out of here.” 

And without a second thought, Suguru grabbed your wrist to pull you up from the couch and move through the party crowd towards the exit. You followed him without putting up any resistance or trying to free yourself from his grip, asking questions like: Where are we going? Are you okay? Which he chose to ignore. 

The cold air hit your bodies as soon as you left the house and walked down the dark street until you reached his car. Instead of opening the passenger door, he opened the back one and told you to get in, after looking at him with confusion, you obeyed his words and he got in after you, closing the door with a loud thump and locking it. 

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong? Why all of a sud—” He didn’t let you finish speaking when his lips were already on yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth when you reciprocated his kiss immediately. 

You leaned your body against the door as Geto intensified the kiss, moaning into his mouth and resting your pretty hands on his shoulders. 

“Suguru—” You called his name in the middle of the kiss, but he was unwilling to separate his lips from yours. 

You had no idea how much he enjoyed kissing you, tasting the different flavors of gloss you used, having his mouth and face stained with your lipstick, he could kiss you for hours without getting tired. 

This kiss was passionate, intense, even a little aggressive. You had kissed like this before, what made it different was what he wanted to convey to you with it— how much he adored you and how incredibly irritated he was with the appearance of your ex.  

His hands went to your waist to pull you closer to him before he leaned back against the backrest, making you straddle his lap. He stroked from your back to your thighs, then squeezed your buttocks under your dress. 

The moment he left your lips to kiss your neck, you took the opportunity to finally speak, “Why are you acting so weird?” 

Suguru tried to remind himself not to get carried away, he had to think before he spoke. But the next words had already left his mouth before he could even think of stopping them, 

“Why are you using the scrunchie he gave you?” 

He didn’t have the courage to look you in the face—instead he concentrated on spreading more kisses on your neck—but he bet you frowned at his random question. 

“I don’t know? I have dozens of these, I just pick the one that goes best with my outfit.” You said, lifting your head a little to give him more access to your skin. “I didn’t even remember Naoya gave it to me until he mentioned it.”

He didn’t expect you to actually give him an explanation, he expected at most a ‘not your problem’ or a ‘because I want to’. Your words should have given him peace of mind, but that feeling in his chest wouldn’t go away, much less with your ex’s name coming from your lips. 

Geto sucked the skin under your ear, leaving a mark for sure. Your hands tightened on his broad shoulders, and you began to move your hips in a slow rhythm, grinding your crotch against his. 

“Take it off.”

“Huh? Why?” You muttered, moaning softly when he sucked again, this time at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. He didn’t miss the teasing tone of your voice when you added, “You don’t like it?” 

He didn’t think twice before replying with a clear and sharp, “No.”

“Why not?”

It was at that moment when Suguru finally had the courage to look at your face, and he had to restrain himself from sighing— with the little light he could see that your lips were swollen and your eyes had that gleam he liked so much. You’re gorgeous. 

Instead of answering right away, he placed his hand on your cheek and caressed your skin with his thumb for a few seconds before moving it behind your head, right where your ponytail started, to grab the scrunchie that was annoying him so much and slowly remove it. When he loosened your hair, he pulled the pink hair tie to the side and with his fingers began to stroke your hair before moving it to the side, freeing your neck for him to kiss it once more. 

“Because he gave it to you” He admitted, he had already come this far and believed he shouldn’t stop. If you were going to reject him, call him crazy and end what you had—even when the last thing he wanted was to lose you—he should hear that now, so he would have more time to heal instead of continuing to dig himself into a hole. 

“It’s just a scrunchie.” You positioned your hand on the back of his neck to stroke his hair, and without hesitation, you asked, “Are you jealous?”

He’s fucked. It was no longer worth denying the obvious. 

“What if I am?”

“We’ll have to end this.” There was no way you could mean it, not when you had even started to move your hips over his hard cock with more pressure. 

“I don’t think you really want that.” He replied with a smirk, pointing to the way you were getting off on top of his bulge with a nod of his head, to which you responded with a sarcastic chuckle. 

“Don’t be so confident.” You said between your teeth, trying to contain the sighs of pleasure that wanted to come out of you. “Gonna tell me why you’re jealous?”

Suguru decided to pull down your dress to free your breasts, instantly cupping them with his large hands to caress your erect nipples with his thumbs while leaving wet kisses on your shoulder.

You didn’t seem to like how he ignored your words, because with the hand you had previously placed in his hair you pulled him away from your skin and forced him to look at you. Instead of saying something at that moment, you ran your tongue over your lips before kissing him again, moaning at the feeling of his erection against your covered clit one more time.

When he felt your hands on the edge of his shirt, he helped you by lifting his arms so you could take it off and expose the muscular torso he knew you loved. 

“Does it piss you off that someone has fucked me before?” You questioned with a mocking tone. 

“Shut up.” He spat and pushed his body forward aggressively, he made sure to grab you around the waist to keep you from falling backwards onto the center console. Your arms sought support on the headrests of the front seats. 

It was obvious that one of his favorite parts of your body were your tits, because his mouth went back to making circular movements with his tongue on your nipple. The hand that was on your waist moved down to the middle of your legs, you moaned with anticipation as he began to brush his thumb over your underwear.  

“Is that a yes?” Your tone of voice showed that you were beginning to despair at the lack of answers from him, but you had to be patient, there were things he needed to know before he would respond to your words. 

“When was the last time you fucked him?” He asked suddenly, pulling your breast out of his mouth only to appreciate the moment when his hand pushed aside your panties and his fingers began to play with the fluids in your slit. 

You pushed your hips forward urging him to insert his fingers, he wanted to keep teasing you a little, but you looked so pretty at this moment that it was almost impossible for him to deny you what you wanted, so he inserted two fingers slowly. 

“Fuck— Does it matter?” 

“Tell me.” 

“Why should I? You haven’t wanted to tell me that—” A spank on the exposed skin of your butt cut off your words, no doubt you were surprised, but Suguru knew how to recognize when you liked something, and clearly his sudden rough treatment did. 

“Fuckin’ tell me.” He curved his fingers making sure to touch that sweet spot inside you, “C’mon I’m listening.”

You sighed as your grip on the headrests intensified, digging your nails into the material as you felt his blessed fingers pleasure you with perfection. 

“I think—fuck—three months ago.” 

Suddenly, his movements stopped. Suguru believed that even his breathing and heart did when he heard you. 

“What?”

It didn’t bother him that you had sex with other men before him, he knew perfectly well that you were a single woman and could do whatever you wanted with your body. But he couldn’t deny it, the thought of Naoya’s dirty hands on your precious body made his chest ache because he wasn’t just another man, he was your ex, someone you had an emotional connection with in the past and it got under his skin because he wanted that.

He felt cheated, betrayed, angry. It was wrong, you didn’t owe him anything, it was part of your agreement, and he felt like a hypocrite because at least in the first few months he had started sleeping with you, he had also been with other girls. But he didn’t know whether to be ashamed or proud that when his feelings for you began to evolve— suddenly the desire to be with someone other than you disappeared. So yes, for the last four months he’s only had sex with you, and for some naive reason, he expected you to do the same. 

“We were drunk” You quickly clarified, but that didn’t make him feel better, quite the contrary. “I don’t want it to happen again.” 

“I see.” He muttered after withdrawing his fingers without looking at your face, not wanting you to see through him and realize how hurt he felt. 

But apparently, you did.

“Suguru, I’m sorry.” The fact that you said sorry caught him off guard; as he stated earlier, you didn’t owe him anything, but somehow it filled him with hope— was there any small chance that you felt something more for him?

The need to show you everything he felt, to prove to you that he was the man you deserved multiplied. 

He grabbed you by the jaw with one hand to pull you close to him and bring your lips to his in a passionate kiss once again. His tongue slipped into your mouth, still tasting the flavor of the drink he offered you earlier and your hands went to his shoulders where you dug your nails when he bit your lower lip. 

“You can do whatever you want, there’s no need to say sorry.” He mumbled still with his lips on yours. “But I think I’ll need to fuck you enough to erase all traces of him, then.”

“You better.”

Geto’s hands worked quickly at unbuttoning his pants to pull them down along with his boxers, just enough to free his throbbing cock and wrap his fingers around it to stroke it up and down. He muttered a profanity at the feeling of relief he gave himself while you lifted your hips and pushed your underwear aside, waiting for him. 

“Spit on it— yes, fuck.” He began to lubricate his long shaft after you dropped your saliva on the tip, only to seconds later line it up against your wet entrance. “Sit, baby.” 

You heeded his command and began to slowly lower your hips; you closed your eyes as you felt his cock enter between your tight walls. His eyes were fixed on the spot where your body and his became one, it was always a delight for him to witness how your little pussy managed to swallow him completely. 

He threw his head back against the backrest, enjoying the moment when your buttocks met his thighs. You felt so warm and tight, there was no pussy like yours and that was confirmed every time he was deep inside you. 

Geto let out a guttural sound as you started to move your hips, sucking him every time you went down as deliciously as ever. God, he had fucked you too many times and in different positions, but he could never get enough of you— you certainly had him in the palm of your hand. 

The slight bouncing of your breasts invited him to take one into his mouth, savoring the taste of your skin with pleasure as he brought his hands to your hips to guide your sensual movements to his liking. 

The windows began to fog up as the moans of the two of you became louder and louder. For a moment Geto forgot that you were in his car, parked a few meters from the house where the party was, that anyone could pass by and realize what you were doing in there because it was too obvious thanks to the fogged windows and the movement of the vehicle, but that didn’t matter to him in the least, especially when he had a goddess like you riding him. 

He ran his tongue from your chest to your collarbones before resting his cheek on your shoulder as he felt his climax near. 

“You’re perfect.” He murmured in the middle of his gasps. “So damn perfect that you drive me crazy.” One of his hands went to the middle of your legs to circle your clit and rush an orgasm out of you, a loud grunt came from his throat when your walls squeezed him hard from the stimulation.

“Do I?”

“You fucking do. I just can’t imagine you with anyone else, I want you all to myself.” He knew he was saying too much in the heat of the moment, that there was a possibility that you would end this and that meant he wouldn’t have you in his life at all; but the words came from his heart and his mouth was unable to stop them. 

“You said I can do whatever I wanted— fuck.” Your hands tightened on his shoulders the closer you got to your peak. 

“I know what I said but—god—that doesn’t mean I like the idea.” He admitted, finally raising his head to meet your eyes and see the smile that appeared on your face. You started to move your hips faster, with the purpose of making him explode as soon as possible.

The words were left aside when you closed your eyes as Suguru pressed his fingers harder, making your legs tremble and your nails dig into the skin of his shoulders the moment you reached your climax. His own orgasm didn’t take long, he stifled his moans by joining your lips in another kiss as he spilled his warm cum inside you. 

You were both sweaty and a panting mess, the heat in the car was immense and Suguru had the urge to reach over to start the vehicle to turn on the AC or at least roll down the windows; but he gave up the idea when you leaned over him. He could feel your heartbeat because your chest was against his, smell the scent of your shampoo from your head resting on his shoulder and the softness of your fingers as your hands caressed his ribs. It was such an intimate moment that he wouldn’t dare to interrupt, so he kissed the top of your head and wrapped his muscular arms around you to feel you closer to him. 

He doesn’t know how long you were like this, enjoying each other’s vital sounds, it could be a few minutes or more than an hour, but it’s not like he cares either. Having the woman he loved in his arms always made him lose track of time. 

The sudden sound of your voice calling his name brought him out of his thoughts, for a moment he thought you had fallen asleep, “Yes, angel?” 

You lifted your head to look him in the eyes again, your noses almost brushed mingling their breaths. 

“Are you gonna tell me why now?” You asked in a whisper, picking up on the previous conversation. You tucked behind his ear one of the strands of black hair that had slipped into his face, the act was so affectionate that it almost made Suguru shed a tear. 

Geto gulped. Well, it was now or never.

“I-I love you.” 

God, he actually did it. He confessed. His heart stopped for a moment waiting for your answer, although it only took a few seconds, it felt like an eternity for him. 

“Finally.” Wait, what? “I was beginning to think you’d never say it.”

You didn’t give him time to assimilate your words when you kissed him, cupping his face between the palms of your hands to hold him closer to you. 

“Love you too.” You added, leaving a peck on his lips. His heart began to race as he found it hard to believe that this was really happening, wasn’t he dreaming? Were you really reciprocating his feelings?  

“You serious?” Stupid Suguru, is that really what left his mouth? 

You let out a chuckle before nodding and pressing your forehead to his. “Did you want me to say the opposite?” 

“No, I just— god, I’m speechless.” A smile took over his face, showing all the happiness he felt.

“So…” You sang, caressing his cheek with your knuckles “Aren’t you gonna ask me something, jealous boy?

He snorted holding back a laugh, somewhat embarrassed, but still took your hands in his before saying, “Angel, will you please be my girlfriend?”

Suguru couldn’t help the pride he felt in his chest as you two walked back into the party with clasped hands, he ignored the mocking look on his white-haired friend’s face as he noticed your obvious disheveled appearances and mouthed that he owed him one. And of course, he couldn’t help but smile arrogantly when he met Naoya’s stare at the two of you; maybe someone else would be the one to feel jealous from now on— and Geto would have nothing to worry about because now he’s yours and you’re his.

[ready4thenbk]

Dear Eric and Dylan, Hi. It's the future talking. I don't know if I'm the person to say this, but I'm going to take a bet and say that I am. Well, you guys succeeded. You did what you wanted and more - maybe not that day, maybe the bombs didn't go off, but what you did reverberated. It shocked the country. And I bet you're proud of that now. You would love to see it. There are a couple thousand girls online who think they're in love with you and a couple thousand lonely boys who idolize you. Two loners from Colorado, who changed the world. But it's late 1998, and none of that has happened yet. I'm talking to you. Sorry, but you can't do it. I know that may come as a shock, and it's gonna be hard to let go. Trust me, I get it. This is what you lived for and this is what you'd end up dying for, in the library, together. But you have to let go of the plan, because there is something else out there. There is community college, Eric, and a future for you. Dylan, there is the University of Arizona. There's Sparky, and your koala, and another shift at Blackjacks, another day shooting at Rampart Range. Another Dr.Pepper and another camping trip. You'll wake up the morning of 4/21 and your parents will yell at you to get out of bed, go to school and you will. There will be no bullets in the walls and no bombs in the hallways, and that's okay. Breathe. Let it go. Yeah, you dreamed of news reports and shoot outs, of the library floor collapsing and the sound of shotgun blasts in the classrooms. You wanted to scare them to death, and I'll be honest - it would have felt good. Better than staring at the ceiling, lost, spinning in a circle because what's next? You hadn't planned on turning 18, Dylan. Now you are. Your mom baked a cake and it feels surreal. You thought about what your birthday would have been like had you died, and maybe, just maybe you reveled in the suffering. It's going to take a while to change. Go outside and turn that striker bracelet over in your hands, stare at the stars. You woke up on 4/21 and so did 13 others. It's raw. There is a school shooting somewhere else and it feels like a punch to the gut. It's like you are watching yourself on TV, your face plastered up there to be gawked at and wondered about, but no one knows it's you too. You're still nobodies. That's okay. Maybe you didn't have to get up om stage and fire off a gun for the world to pay attention, maybe you just had to get online and say, "I'm Eric, I'm Dylan, I wanted to shoot up my school, let me be honest." Okay, thank you. You didn't have to tell us your names. There is not going to be an NBK, no bombs, no guns, no videotapes on YouTube. You'll go on to live your lives and on 4/20 every year you'll call each other and say, "Hey, Dylan. Just calling." You're thirty years old. It's faded, distant. You have a son and a wife and they don't know, because it's between you and VoDkA, you and Reb. "Hey Eric. It's 4/20, just calling. How are you?" "Alive." You laugh a little. It's okay now, Columbine is long gone, a forgotten school with forgotten students who graduated and moved on. Brooks, Patrick, Rachel, Isaiah, Daniel, they're all gone. It's a strange world where NBK didn't happen, those bullets were never spent. But you have to go now. The phone is ringing, and you can't live for what didn't happen for so long. "Bye Dylan, bye Eric." You say, and you hang up. The stars are beautiful outside, and you realise that it's better in the light. Love, the TCC.

/Originally written and posted by kingcountythotpatrol a couple years ago before the Great TCC Tumblr Purge and gained hundreds of notes, so a few oldies might recognise it. I thought it was lost forever until I found a screenshot on my old tablet. Enjoy, I guess./

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.