#i live in that build up tbh
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i'm never not blown away by the sheer beauty of 'hello you'. the build up before 'takin' a dive into your crystal ball' where the strings are getting higher and higher before it reaches its zenith. in that moment, i feel like i am ascending to a celestial plane.
#i live in that build up tbh#that's where i reside 24/7#it's just so fucking beautiful#goosebumps every time without fail#honestly one of the greatest decisions they made on the tour was lighting the mirrorball once the song reaches its peak#cause that is how that song makes me feel#illuminated from the inside out#this is my love letter to 'hello you' i will always love you
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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So its actually explained in the book that things used to be different and sects used to not be bloodline based, but everything changed after Wen Mao established his own sect and everyone with a little fame started rushing to start their own bloodline sects. Given Wen Mao's famous quotes about how those who abuse their power should be killed and beheaded and their heads displayed for thousands to scorn to show as a warning, I tend to think that some real bad shit had been going down to wipe out or reduce most of the traditional sects, allowing for a new system to gain popularity and take its place. The donghua places MDZS in the sixteen kingdoms era, so the answer might be that with the cultivation world being much more stable than the non cultivation world they've stopped paying attention to who is technically their boss today as the answer might change depending on which side of the sect they're standing on at that moment and the various warlords are too busy duking it out to remember to ask the cultivators to pay their taxes.
!!!!!! Thank you for this write-up, gentle anon!
#the comedic value of them not knowing whose jurisdiction they’re under shdhshshj#relatable for the region in which I live tbh#where is the fic chronicling JGY’s struggles filing watchtower permit paperwork#‘of course you can build the watchtowers if you can get governmental approval’ JGS says#assuming this will be an impossible task like the stepmother making Cinderella pick up all the lentils#LITTLE DOES HE KNOW!!#resources
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How the hell do you find every accurate representative culture fashion for the avatar gang? Like it pains me the hell how people this good and hardworking can find these gorgeous cultural clothes and accessories and draw them so well and detailed like you- TELL ME YOUR SECRETS (Please)
idk about accurate. at the end it is still a fantasy world inspired by real life cultures contrasting or soothed out to fit a charakter personality and traits. listen if i spot an option to have a older fire lord zuko with his titts chest out i will go for it and nothing can stop me not even accuracy i say this as if i didn't already do it in private with seethrough material hahah
there is not much secrets behind it though, sorry its research, fact checking. often even the most random things. at least that is my method. you go to google and type in what you need and would like to know. read the wikipedia article for some general understanding on the topic but them go to the source part and check these out. or like double check these. if reading is not your thing there are lots of dedicated youtubers or ticktockers that love to share and explain parts of their culture or tradtions (clothing included. depends on what you research.) contemporary to that or after that you build up your visual library by collecting images on pinterest, or google or websites covering the topic you are researching. make your own folders or pin boards.
an amazing blog for atla real life culture sources is of course or beloved: @atlaculture blog!
https://www.tumblr.com/atlaculture who recently began to dedicate some post in flashing out more water tribe and air normad cusine, also instruments. its a delight to read through.
of course you have an easier time with some research than with other. some things are clear others a contradicting some are barley documented. it is also necessary to have an occasional reality check. like reread your sources see if there is something new. replace what you misunderstood before. don't always go for what looks pretty and aesthetically good to you. there is a reason why things looked like they did. was it the material, was it protection, was it culture.
a part looking at contemporary photography i personally preffere to look at how people liked to depict themself at that time. Statues, wall painting, illustration, old fotos from that time and compare them to current pictures to see how they used to stylize this element or to see what was essential to them. thats probably my old art-history phase flaring up again though hahah. at the end it is also how you Interpret and headcanon the atla world for yourself. before i were able to redesign jet i had to figure out how i want to draw fire nation armor. because to me jet repuporses a lot of the armor from the enemy. a shin guard will be used as an arm protection. the red shirt he wears is fire nation, a shoulder guard that fits will just be used as it is. i just assume that FN armor is better in being fire resistent than earth kingdoms ones.
but fire nation armor is a chellenge on its own again. because is it tang dynasty? is it song? but the collar protector is a typical thai armor element. how do i combine that? is there a history behind it?
speaking about armor what would be the southern water tribe one? if it is lamellar ivory armor, how and why does it look so different by season 3 at the day of the black sun? did the southern water fleet separated form their home begin to adopt EK styles. switching out kuspuk and parkas in for sleeveless wrap shirts and armor with inside plating like they have in ba sing se? because that what was aviable to them?
(appart everything the talk of armor is in general really curious because... what do you wear when you go in to fight against fire??? in the poles you can argure that it is not a concern. if you burn you roll in the snow but in the EK... hm.. they dont have fancy heat resistand clothing like fire fighters have now.... armor is ment to cushion off impact and or slicing. our standard armors conzept can work well against earth-, water- and air bending (to some degree) but fire burns what do you idealy do against that? leather helps to some degree)
while the southern water tribe is clearly circumpolar people inspired (although lacking lots of world-building which you can kind of excusing it with... the war destroyed everything but also... uh.... its a nearly 20 year old show.... ) the northern water tribe shows korean or even mongolian elements. so what do you want to focus on? i personally like to make things connect because these characters live in one world togheter and trade and exchange happens. (yes even during a 100 year war or at least there had to have been a time of influence and the lack of exchange froze(*snorts*) this culture in time) you know... migration? and transition of style and life through out history.
maybe i overthink things to much for just drawing some clothes... -srugs-
#chip!ask#chip!talks#atla#atla worldbuilding#honestly i probably ended up rambeling here to much...#but yeha reasearch is just.... the key?#like for everything?#sorry#tbh don't ask me stuff because i still don't know things.... i know things but i am in this you know....#i know what i don't know - mode#and i don't know a lot and i am just drawing fanarts with a 40+ hours job on the side#i know some!#i guess#which makes me wonder world building kind of stuff...#like how is the EK palace layouted form the inside#whathappend to the AN aerias after the got whiped out#what consequences does the lack of airbender have to the world in sense of conection and exchange#were there really only bending airbenders?#are there still people out that belive in airbender philosophy#like the bending form died but people that lived near by still have similar dress food traditons and belives like the AN did?#is FN stuck in time too? because the royal clothing is tang and song styled but EK in BSS the fashion progressed into qing style#did kyoshi trade blue dye or blue fabric with the southern water tribe regularly before war?#trading pelt for fabric?#just... migration patterns???#yes? no? uhm.... okay i shut up now...
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I’m approximately three Hinge ghostings away from walking into build-a-bear, making a “Bear-on” Hotchner and calling it a day 🫠
#no man can live up to him tbh#might as well give up now#I could get him a lil fbi outfit and everything#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#build a bear#perhaps a Steve McBearett too?#Bear-oy Jethro Gibbs?#still workshopping that one
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An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!
Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!
In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.
The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.
Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.
We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.
I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.
She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!
#dogblr#rory borealis#my face#bird dog training#steadiness training#retrieve training#at the very beginning of the video you can see her 'opt in' (tell me she's ready to start) by looking at the bumpers on the counter#it's a subtle communication from rory but important because it would have been more frustrating if i started when she wasnt ready#i had just woken her up from a nap because i wanted to work on this while i was waiting for my coffee to brew#i like how she is really understanding steadiness (dont move your feet)#and i was super happy with how well she committed (didnt glance away) once i lined her up#i shouldnt have rewarded her looking up at me before i lined her up because i dont want that#but i thought i was rewarding her standing still#ill time that better on the next rep#one minor issue im having is i always tap her head to release her from heel#and i cant do that if im using my left hand to line her up#im not sure if the correct direction is to fade my line or fade my tap#i think once i figure out which one to do itll build her confidence on the release#i think i want to keep the tap so i might practice lining her up and then moving my hand while she keeps commitment to the line#another piece to work on!#it's cool to see it broken down in tiny pieces tbh#this is an unrelated but adjacent rant:#yesterday on dogbook i saw a post that was asking for recs for high value treats because their dog lost interest#if they couldnt figure out the activity in 30 seconds#and it irks me because if your dog cant figure out what youre asking in 30 seconds#i think your activity is too hard and needs to be broken into smaller pieces#ESPECIALLY with an indepent thinker#sure some dogs will power through uncertainty and frustration but why are you asking them to#look inward and see how you can break it into smaller pieces#(it irks me because it is the exact problem and response i had with mav - live and learn and look back and all that)
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i did treat myself a little and held out on buying a case for my new computer build so i could save up for something that's sturdy and kinda aesthetically pleasing looking (after years of living by a "it doesn't need to look pretty it just needs to do its job" invisible set of rules floating about my head) (that build was held together by spite and macgyver-esque crafting) and i just placed the order for it
and ngl lads i am lowkey excited
#the last months took a lot outta me tbh#and i'm at an infinitely better place for it (might move out soon and i can still provide for my family)#but i also fell into a very restrictive way of living again#didn't spend anything on myself in case of emergencies messing me up so i'd have savings to take care of it#definitely fell into eating disorder behaviors again because it was easy making excuses in order to skip meals#and at one point i had to take a week off coz my body was too exhausted to keep going#but i've most of my affairs in order now#my rig has been on a steady decline for about two years now and i realised that if i wanna play veilguard this fall#i really need to stop pushing getting parts for my new build to the back of my priorities#ed tw
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So I heard that Tumblr is slowly being abandoned (they seem to be laying off a majority of their staff and keeping a skeleton crew) and we might be nearing the end of this webbed site. I don't think it's currently worth panicking over, but I'm definitely going to start making that neocities website.
I'll make a post soon about other places where you can find me. Unfortunately, I've spent quite some time these last couple years getting rid of a majority of my social media because most platforms were bad for my mental health. I do not plan on going back to these platforms, so if tumblr goes down, I'm going to be only on non social media.
Maybe if one of the new social medias being created, actually take off (like bluesky or pillowfort or whatever else these days) I might join, but if not I might be entirely on personal websites, patreon (I will start posting regularly like a blog and make more free posts), some old websites I deleted but not because I hated them (such as ko-fi, which I deleted due to inactivity) and possibly furaffinity. I'm still on the fence about furaffinity. I might also finally start using my toyhouse but that is an oc sharing website and not much of an art sharing website.
I really do hope Tumblr doesn't go down, this is my one social media and if it does go down I am going to lose nearly all of my audience. I can make do by creating a personal blog and using whatever I have left in terms of "can post my art there and people can find me", and it won't discourage me from making my personal projects. I can make do, and I will make do, but I don't really want to make do.
Anyways, that's all I have to say right now, I'll make a post later once I set up some alternative sites to find me at, but for now I want to give the heads up that if I'm gone, you're not gonna find me on twitter, Instagram, or whatever third option there is. I'm likely going to just make do, be offline more, and likely just become active on the discord servers I'm on.
#simon says#long post#i think#it looks long on mobile#anyways there it is#I'm gonna have to start learning html#im also really sad that i hate making videos so much because I probably would just go on youtube#but I know from experience that I am not becoming a youtuber entirely because I fucking hate making videos that much#i get tempted quite often to become a nice little art youtuber or go into a niche art video subcategory#personally fight against the things I hate about youtube by not doing those things#but I just hate video making too much to do that#i do NOT like my voice enough to edit it#i might consider live streaming again since I used to live stream but also hnng nah im not sure#I prefer live streaming to video making because I hate making scripted videos and I love the live aspect of streaming#but also do I really WANT to stream again or do I just want an audience from a platform where it's very easy to build an audience?#that one is gonna be up in the air for a while tbh#streaming is currently in 'im not sure how i feel about it' limbo and it may never leave#if I do decide to start live streaming again you will hear about it on my sick ass personal blog I have to code#because I'll probably unravel those mixed feeling and come to a decision likely long after tumblr disappears lmaoooo#edit:#also I would rather eat my arm off than ever go back to tiktok so rule that one out forever
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Apparently there is a trans art market at a gay bar near here tonight, but I only just now found out and idk if the place is accessible with my rollator :( sent them an email but idk if they'll get back before the thing starts and finishes lmao
#we live in a society bottom text#I rlly wanna go :((#even tho physically I don't feel up for it if it's accessible I might force myself to go n support it tbh#it's a local thing and there's a specific reason it's happening and I wanna support it yknow#I just hope I can actually get in to the fuckin building lmao#armchair speaks
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Currently rereading this french scifi book that's all about a bunch of medievalish people building this absurdly high cathedral (and by 'high' i mean that none of the living human in this book ever got out of what they call the cathedral and touched the actual ground)in an attempt to reach God but then the big plot twist is that the ruling class are actually a bunch of almost immortal alien beings who accidentally crashed on Earth during the actual Middle Ages, need to be at a certain height to launch their rocket and go back to their planet and therefore used the people's faith and whatever ingineering they had at this point to reach their goals, not caring that it would take centuries and centuries because it's litterally just a few hours for them and honestly this could be such a cool movie, somebody please adapt this thing right now
#i'm kinda really drunk so maybe it sounds a bit stupid but believe me when i say that it was actually insane in the best of way#i was like 10 or 12 yo when i first read this thing (it's actually a kid book amusingly enough)#and to this day that scene when the mc talks to that one noble girl he had a bit of a crush on who turned out to be an alien being all like#'generations and generations of my people devoted their whole lives and souls to building this cathedral. does it mean nothing to you?'#and she's just like. 'tbh not really. your whole life is nothing but a few minutes for us. but it *is* convenient'#like wow#amazing metaphor for quite a few things tbh#didn't really picked up on that as a kid but I *did* noticed how much i loved the mix of medieval and scifi aesthetic tho#adapt this as a movie instead of remaking the same bs movies for the tenth times you bunch of cowards!!#it could be so good!!#i don't even like him but cast timothee chatelet or whoever you spell his name as the mc#florence pugh as his actual love interest and zendaya as the noble alien girl he likes (or the other way around i don't even care tbh)#there you go it's gonna be a sucess based on that alone
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Actually best part of omgcp is the serious possibility of everyone but chowder and ford having an accent of one kind or another
#chowder is the only one stated to be from california meaning hes the only one with a certain hollywood accent#[forced upon you when you live in california]#ALMOST FORGOT FORD#but yeah same#shitty and nurse probs get out of it bc rich kids but the rest of them? the aquaman movie comes out and chowder is dying#‘its aqua’ ‘yeah im saying eyqua.’ ‘but thats not-‘ ‘we’re literally saying the same thing’#i love my east coast friends but every now and then they fr sneak up on you with the weirdest pronounciation#have a friend from baltimore who still has to reference me to the aaron earns and iron urn vid#bits obvs has an accent and jack is a lil less obvious but i do feel like its fun if he has a light one#tbh dex def has an accent that probs swings in n out#i love maine mostly bc i do think i could fight abt pronounciation there for a while#almost forgot ford is from california but the idea of tango AND whiskey having accents and not believing ppl when they tell them so makes me#laugh bc i love the idea of tango having a heavy nj accent snd being like ? everyone talks like this#what REALLY threw bits off abt lardo: her intense nebraskan accent <- joke#anyways this is still making me laugh sorry. rans and holster but they both have incredibly differing opinions on the vocal sound of ‘a’#THIS is the kind of world building i need indulgence in 👍#v.txt
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I cannot stay at this job for a second longer than I have to this sucks so bad holy shit
#ember talks#my supervisor keeps saying she wants to bring me on as a contractor after the internship ends and I have no way of telling her uh#respectfully I do not think I’d live through the semester if I did that#it’s not even grueling work I just hate the content and the company culture is a funeral at best#I can do corpo culture w layoffs or I can look at photos of necropsies for 8 hours a day#I can’t do both but I have to this summer#especially with the continued assumption I’m cis and straight and neurotypical in such a weirdly aggressive way#I have a presentation that I’ve been putting off building the slide deck for bc I just. I don’t know how to spin my project#it’s basically a grunt labor project but I’m qualified enough to speak to the principles behind it#but I was told to not talk abt the principles#or about what an archive is#and I got flack for not working 20 extra unpaid hours last week but there’s no way for me to do that without getting fired#I hate it so fucking much I’m so tired#I’m so tired of being tired#I know every job is going to suck but at least the other ones don’t have me staring at viscera trying to figure out how I can upload it#I know I should feel fortunate to have this job but I’m just lying on the floor sobbing rn#I’ve been working since 6:30 this morning I should just. stop#log the fuck off give the fuck up try again next week#(Monday I have an interview for a hopefully chiller job in the fall and I’m very excited for it tbh)#the team seems cool and it’s . idk it’ll be something I can live with doing#and I can work my other school year gig and I miss that team so much and they said they missed me too and#god I just rly wanna work full time at the library I work at during the year
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.
#in a weird place mentally tbh and i went on a drive to clear my mind#and somehow ended up at my first apartment#it's been so long since i lived there but i was so proud of it#it feels like the last place i was truly independent#anyway i was sitting in my car staring at this shitty building#crying over orville peck#and then i saw a licence plate that said 'pklerick' and i cant stop laughing#being an adult is insane#it feels like i'm just trying to find any little bit of joy between all of the grieving#personal#oh and the fact that the rent for this apartment has literally doubled makes me sick#how are we supposed to live like this
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2023 reads
The Winter Knight
slow-building urban fantasy mystery
reincarnated arthurian legends living in modern Vancouver
follows a gay autistic college student who’s the reincarnation of sir gawain who just wants to live a normal life
and a 30-something valkyrie woman
when a knight is murdered, she’s assigned to investigate, and he’s pulled into things after finding the body
m/m and pre-f/f (she is bi ace)
#The Winter Knight#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is.....interesting#it is very slow and introspective…. I think because both the main characters are more quiet/isolated#i would def go into it more from a character study perspective than plot#also i know there are buildings on the cover but the vibes of the cover give like….rural fantasy not urban-city fantasy#I feel like most urban fantasy books with modern versions of x y z have them like…..they’re fighting demons or monsters or something#this is just like. they’re existing? there’s the occasional monster but they’re mostly just people living normally. why#I guess probably that is the question the book is trying to answer..#(ie what Would they do? recreate the narratives they're doomed to repeat? or just live normal boring lives?)#but also like....there could have been a lot more (or different) done with some of it?#it’s very slow up until a final battle at the end. which also brings in 3 new POVs of various major characters briefly?#also. as the number one defender of pop culture references in books I admit I think there’s too much here#like it’s namedropping books and musicians/songs SO often#some of it feels like it could be music as wayne’s special interest - but there’s so much of it not in that context too#anyway something about the combo of that + slowquiet tone made the vibe feel. idk like it doesn't quite mesh#i did enjoy the characters tho? theres some interesting things in here#also yes it is a gawain/green knight romance#the boy is more of a significant mc tbh#+ trans girl major characters; polyam side characters; various other queer chars#there's a line where a character sees his friend “typing in pinyin characters” on her phone which.......#pinyin is the romanisation. pinyin characters is not a thing? SOMEONE editing should have clocked that. surely#tldr mixed thoughts. there are thoughts tho.
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by the way my house is exploding right when i'm trying to talk myself out of suicidal ideation on bad days so this is very cool what's happening right now
#p#tbh you know what's happening? gabe has a problem with everyone#and he waited too long to speak his mind so he's full of resentment now. that's like rule number one of living in a coop btw#don't fucking avoid confrontation and let resentment build. but no one asked me huh#anyway i've kind of given up on prepping for the figma interview. i just feel like i'll cross that bridge when next week dawns
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i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3
#romantic love i mean#against my will tho bc i want love so bad#but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬#i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk#would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭#love is real im just never going to experience it btw#but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh#i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me#but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice#maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance#in need to be close friends for like a decade first#sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone#and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family#sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house#i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love#romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry#this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first#and looking for that person is too forced and weird#anyway#its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight
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