#i live halfway across the country for a REASON
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great news! my mother has taken the time to inform me that mother's day is going to be awful this year not simply because my twin brother is dead, but furthermore because i don't love her enough to live closer to her and compensate for his absence.
#its more nuanced than that but#key takeaway points#i live halfway across the country for a REASON#please keep in mind she has a third child who lives with her#she said that she doesnt think my little sister will “even remember” mother's day#which i think is insanely unfair and also untrue#personal#vent#we just had a thirty minute conversation#about#NOTHING#i barely said five fucking words the whole time#like usual#because she doesnt give a fuck abt any of my shit#ughhhhhh#whatever#things i should talk to my therapist abt#jk me and wesley talk abt my mom like ALLL the time
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weed vs coke
#hi stefan! he doesn't do coke#he just drinks and takes his anti-depressants together#i am very much feeling his spikey hair like yeah that fits him being a touch unhinged yuka fell in love with that version of him#this is nick dad they alike#he's my fav#he kinda looks like robert if you stare at him long enough....from fallout 4 my favorite video game husband#his voice is deep as hell and he's polish#hates his father for a good reason is the favorite child oldest of five#has two kids because he counts kina as his daughter#the fun uncle#to his neices and nephews he'll give you a beer if you ask#on a serious note he's a very decent dad he wished he could've been a better dad but he's got a lot of stuff going on mentally so he was a#little checked out alot of the time but it got better.#he and kina relationship is my favorite because he really took in two kids at his lowest point in his life from his ex girlfriend who#lived halfway across the country and kinda fucked him over and up and never really got to connect to his kid much until nick was damn near#and he got a random baby girl to look after and he thrived with her honestly kina be like i got two dads#hes a sweet person just been through the wringer a lot#ts4#simblr#sims 4#my sims#stefan piotrowski
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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finding out a boy who i think is sort of technically my nephew (my brother and his girlfriend are his legal guardians) but who i've never met is going to be staying in my childhood bedroom soon is so. embarrassing. he's gonna see all my stuffed animals. my signed all time low poster. my TAP SHOES
#this 14 yr old kid is gonna have so much advantage over me when we finally do meet someday. direct insight into ny entire childhood#the cd collection. the photos of my and my cheer squad. the ugly jewelry. all of it#the kid is like. my brothers girlfriend's ex-stepsibling so theres not really any reason for me to know him except that they are the only#people willing to take care of him. but my brother lives halfway across the country so i literally never see him
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besties my car (2011 Ford Fiesta whom I love very much) is having to stay overnight for monitoring (the mechanics need to run a full diagnostic in the morning) and yes I know she has 146k miles on her and yes I know she's over a decade old and yes I know some of the windows don't work and her paint is giving out in places and the AC makes clicking noises sometimes
but I am not ready to give Luna up yet so if people can just manifest that her repairs are within my price range (not more than what she's worth) I would uhhh appreciate that bc I feel like she deserves to hit at LEAST 150k miles (and I would love it if she could keep going till like 170k) (for both emotional and monetary reasons)
#luna took me halfway across the country for summer work#luna is so good on gas mileage and handling#luna was used (and abused) when i was in college (mostly mistreated by shitty friends)#luna has been camping in the mountains and visited the great lakes#i even took her mudding once (she is not built for that it was a bad idea but she powered through and got a good wash after)#luna DESERVES to hit at least 150k#part of this is money reasons but honestly i just don't want to give her up#I've said i will drive her until she can't drive anymore#and i will live up to that#but I'm not ready for that time to come yet
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Blue-pilled man [D.W]
Summary: Sophomore year of college and life is good-- until Bruce invites your family to Thanksgiving. Thankfully your boyfriend is there to distract you-- wait, boyfriend??? Pairing: Damian Wayne x male!reader WC: 9.3k
A glitch in the system is what you’d considered yourself. There wasn’t supposed to be anything special about you, the middle child born from the rare chance the birth control didn’t work. The failed plan B. The unimportant middle child in a large family living along the West Coast. You hadn’t been anyone special, you hadn’t done anything remarkable with your life.
You’d graduated high school and flew across the country to Gotham of all places. Low housing costs, honestly, was the only reason. You’d been going to Gotham University for what? Five or so months before you’d gotten an internship at Wayne Enterprise for your major in business. It was going fine, you met some other interns and made fast friends and went out with them as often as you could.
Which is probably where you fucked up. You’d gone out to someone’s birthday party in a club, fake IDs locked in. It was fun, from what you could remember. And you were all going to head out since it was a Sunday— poor choice, you know but you went to use the bathroom when someone shoved some blue pill into your mouth. But at the time you were too drunk to care about what it was. It tasted like a mint though, so you assumed that’s what it was and thanked them for the breath mint before heading to meet your friends in the Uber.
The next morning you woke up with a raging headache and the need to vomit. Unfortunately for you, you had a meeting with the Bruce Fucking Wayne. Apparently, he interviewed each intern a couple of months into their internship and it was your turn. Surprise!
But thankfully, it led to where you are now.
As a Junior in college, you like to think you’ve been doing this long enough to get the hang of it. You’ve also been granted off-campus housing. Which was fucking amazing. You lived with one person and get this… he’s Bruce Wayne’s son! Honestly, for a nepotism baby, he was cool.
Plus, he was Robin. So it made going out to fight crime at night so much easier, and his dad— your boss in more ways than one, always understood why you were late to work. But it also meant he called you whenever Robin was called in.
“Player!” Robin shouts as you leap from roof to roof, leaving an animated dust cloud after you. “Player!” He repeats this time his voice cutting through your comms. “You’re going the wrong way!” He groans and you land on the roof, confused. He watches as you tap in the air and a holographic map pops up, taking over your field of view.
“Oh, shit!” You say, tapping a button on the bottom of the map and it shoots back to the corner it came from. ���My bad, Rob!” Tapping on your waist bag, you see a selection of food and swipe to find a glowing lollipop. “Heading your way now!” Popping the lollipop into your mouth, you feel a surge over you and look down at your boots. There’s a green glow on them and you nod to yourself before jumping to the roof that was closest to him.
He nods when he sees you following him, taking off towards the robbery happening at a local, beloved restaurant.
“You think they’ll be open tomorrow?” You ask, catching up to Robin just as the two of you jump down from the roof and land across the block from the restaurant. “I was thinking we get some of their food for dinner tomorrow.” He glances at you then sighs, heading towards the restaurant.
“Considering no one’s dead, yes.” He says once he's halfway across the block. You grin and catch up to him, already scanning through your inventory for where you kept handcuffs.
—
“Do you reckon I could be a mad scientist?” You ask Damian as you walk into his bedroom, not even looking up from your laptop. “Or could I get roped into a cult? Am I cult material?” Sitting on his bed, you tuck one leg under you and let the other dangle off of the bed. “I don’t think I’m cult material, I’m not easy to peer pressure,” You mutter.
“No,” He sighs, setting his own laptop down next to him but he doesn’t close it. “You couldn't be a mad scientist but you would get sucked into a cult.” Gasping, you look up at him and blink.
“Nuh-uh! How?” Crossing your arms, you sit properly on his bed and shut your laptop.
“You almost signed up for the Church of Scientology last week because they asked if you wanted to take a personality test. Every time you pass by a club that asks you to join, you sit on it for a week before declining because I remind you that you’re a full-time college student with a job and a vigilante!” He lists and you huff, throwing yourself onto his bed. “It’s not your fault, though. Growing up in an environment where you didn’t feel loved would lead to a person being more susceptible to a cult. They make you feel needed, wanted.” God, you hated that he had taken that psychology course.
“Ouch,” You mutter, resting your hands on your stomach. Looking over at him, you see he’s gone back to doing his work. “Do you want me?” You ask and he glances up at you before looking back to your laptop.
“In my room? Depends on my mood.” He shrugs.
“In your life, I mean.” He looks at you this time, his hands ready to close his laptop.
“I do,” He gives one strong nod. “Considering I agreed to live with you until we graduate, I would hope I’d… enjoy your company.” Smiling, you look back to the ceiling. His ceiling is bare, although you can see the marks from the times you’ve thrown sticky balls to the ceiling and pieces got left behind. You wonder why he hadn’t taken those off yet.
Damian’s room isn’t what you had expected it to be. He has various art materials set up around his room, an entire section of his room is dedicated to his pets like their beds and toys, and his walls are covered in various items. You see drawings, news clippings, posters of various famous people he enjoys, and a full-length mirror was nailed to the back of his door. He doesn’t have a rug, he says Alfred the cat likes to tear those up. But he does have a curtain that looks like a rug.
Not to mention his swords.
His bed is nice, too. Bruce had spared no expense furnishing the place, he’d gotten the best beds possible for the two of you. Damian preferred a firmer bed, he never liked the feeling of sinking into a bed and not being in control of that. He also needed space for his pets, since there was no rule about how many could sleep in his bed now that he no longer lived in the manor. Prior to moving in, you’d pegged him as a one-pillow type of guy. But he had an absolute mountain of pillows, most of which he didn’t even use.
Tapping on the transparent food icon that was always in the corner of your eye, you watch as your inventory materializes above your body. You widen the bar into a grid and scroll until you reach a water bottle.
“Want one?” You ask. “They’re cold.” He hums and you pluck two water bottles out from the bar and toss one to him. Of course, being Damian, he catches it without looking up from his work and you roll your eyes.
“Thank you,” He says as you close out your food inventory.
Honestly, major fucking thank you to that blue pill guy. Whatever was in it had made you into your very own video game character. You could even change your appearance! It was so fucking cool, you could find random items lying around and literally create a bomb in two seconds!
Not that you’ve ever done that.
Sitting up, you take a slow sip of the water as Ace trots over to you and lifts his paw. Grinning, you pat the bed and he jumps up, bumping his nose to your arm as a greeting before curling up at Damian’s side. He glances down at his dog and mindlessly pets him along his spine.
“Have you studied yet?” He asks, lifting his eyes from his screen to meet yours for a brief moment. Capping the bottle, you toss it back into your inventory and lean back on his bed.
“A little,” You admit. “Between jobs and class, I haven’t had time. Was gonna during break, though.” He raises an eyebrow and you shove his foot. “Sorry some of us won’t be visiting family and will have an entire week to do nothing!”
“Oh, and where do you think you’re staying?” He asks, finally fully closing his laptop and setting it on his nightstand.
“Here,” You shrug as if the answer was obvious.
“Father wants you at the manor, he’s invited you to Thanksgiving,” This is news to you. Looking at him, you see Damian is looking at you before he turns his attention back to Ace. He’s old, you note. He’s gotten the powered face and you’re pretty sure he’s been sleeping on the sofa while watching late-night game shows. He even snores now.
“Oh, thanks so much for the heads up!” Scratching his backside, Ace’s leg kicks and you chuckle. His eyes crack open when you stop and he moves to nudge your hand, letting out a small howl.
“Don’t be cruel, he’s old.” Damian gestures to the dog who’s doing his best to look like he’s about to cry. Where he learned that, you’ll never know. But you lay down properly on the bed and continue to pet him. Damian pets his head, and you just barely register that he probably doesn’t want you to smash his pillows underneath you. Adjusting yourself, you look around for Alfred.
He’s awake in his cat tree, but his tail is slowly swishing in the air. A little harshly, you might add.
“Someone’s jealous,” You joke, and Damian follows where you’re looking. “Come and get pet, Alfred!” The cat lets out a chipper merwl and leaps from his place on the tree and onto the floor. There are two small thumps, one from the front paws hitting the floor and the second from the back paws. Alfred flicks his tail as he lands before jumping onto the bed in one big jump.
He nudges your free hand and when you lift it, crawls underneath forcing you to pet along his back before he settles on your chest. One thing about cats is that despite their small size, when they’re sitting directly over your ribcage they all but quadruple in weight.
“Ow,” You bite back a groan, closing one eye and slowly easing onto Damian’s pillows. “Lay down, please,” Whispering to Alfred, he blinks and then plops down as if his bones had just gone away. Chuckling, you pet wherever he asks and close your eyes.
“Fathers texted,” Damian mutters, shifting down on the bed so he could comfortably lie down. “We’re patrolling tomorrow,”
“Thank god, not tonight,” You huff, looking down at Alfred whose content on your chest. He’s purring loudly, and his front paws are neatly tucked under his body while his lower half is splayed out to the side. His eyes don’t leave your face, though. They’re half-lidded like he’s fighting sleep and you see his head rocking a bit. Scratching his forehead, he pushes his head further into your fingers and gives one lick before laying his head flat on your chest.
“He likes you too much,” Damian chides. “He’s a traitor!” Alfred doesn’t miss a beat as he rolls to turn his back to Damian, letting out the loudest sigh he can muster in his very tiny body.
“He’s a baby!” You protest. “Ain’t that right, Alfie?” In response, Alfred flicks his tail once, slowly lowering it back down to your stomach. “See,” Looking over at Damian, you see him watching his cat with an almost envious glare before he looks at you.
“You know it took me five hours to train him?” He asks as Ace gets up and jumps off of the bed. You watch for a second as he paws the door open before slipping into the hallway. Damian scoots a bit closer and raises his hand to pet Alfred. “He was totally feral before me.”
“Ah, so he was you before Bruce?” The tease is clear in your voice, your eyebrows wiggling and your chest shakes a little bit when you see his reaction.
“I wasn’t feral,” He bites, looking over at you.
“You stabbed your brothers,” You softly remind him and he scoffs, laying his head down on the same pillow you were using. But neither of you seems to notice or care.
“If they could get stabbed by a ten-year-old, they deserved it.”
Alfred stands up, his back rising to comical heights before he spawns and stretches over to Damian.
“Traitor,” You frown, rolling to your side and watching as he lays down on Damian, his tail curling under his body.
“He knows where home is,” Damian jokes, making you scoff.
“I’m gonna go take a shit,” You mutter and press a kiss to Damian’s forehead. Somewhere in your mind, it was intended for Alfred, but you missed it and didn’t realize it until you were at the door.
“I don’t mind,” Damian said when he noticed you had paused at the door.
“…Okay…” You hum and leave his room. It’s not like you’ll make a habit out of it.
—
A week later you’re both in the apartment's living room, Damian is busy working on this art project he’s been working on and you’re cramming for your last final of the semester. You’re sure if you read another word in that stupid textbook you’re going to explode and huff, slamming it shut before tossing it onto the pile that had amassed on the floor.
You need to do something else. Looking towards the kitchen you squint, food? No. Sighing, you look towards Damian. He’s focused on his drawing, you’d hate to disturb him. Your attention drifts down to your phone that’s vibrating on the coffee table.
Perfect timing.
You grab your phone and stand up before leaning down to kiss Damian’s cheek and say a quick “Call,” before heading into the kitchen to fix yourself a snack.
Okay, so habits quickly form, according to your track record.
Apparently, anytime either one of you leaves a room, you announce it with a kiss on the cheek or forehead— whichever is closer, and then the location. You’d actually grown to be fond of it. And it didn’t really affect your previous relationship with him. If anything, you spent more time with Damian now. Which seemed impossible considering you go to the same college, live in the same place, work at the same place, and fight crime together.
But, still. It’s just bros being bros.
“Hello?” You answer the call just before it stops ringing. Slipping the phone between your shoulder and ear, you open the fridge and lean inside for a better look. God, you need to go grocery shopping soon.
“God! I’ve been calling you for twenty minutes!” A woman shouts from the other end and you pull the phone from your ear and check the caller ID. It’s not saved and you don’t recognize it. Probably the wrong number.
“Who is this?” You ask, grabbing the butter tub and opening it. Yogurt-covered fruits. Jackpot. You set the tub on the counter and reach for a nearby bowl.
“Your mother! Hello, this is (Y/n), right?” Standing up straight, you disregard the fruit and rush into the living room and wave to get Damian’s attention. He doesn’t notice and you almost shout at him; he’s Robin and he can’t tell when his best friend is literally silently calling out for help five feet away?
“Hey, mom!” He looks up at that, slowly setting his pencil and sketchbook down. He mouths something but you don’t catch it between your blinking and pacing. “How’d you— how are you?” You cringe, biting your fist to stop yourself from speaking.
“Horrible! Where are you? We’re in Gotham,” She huffs and you whip around to Damian, eyes wide and you’re so close to lowering yourself into a squat and banging your head on the table.
“You’re here! In Gotham!” Damian sits up properly, motioning for you to put it on speaker and you do, setting the phone on the table. “How long are you here?” You ask, tugging your hands down your face.
“Two months,” Your mother answers and you swear you almost passed out right then and there. “Ujjwal, no! That place looks like it has bedbugs,” She huffs and your step-father starts to complain in Hindi. “Where are you?” She asks over the complaining. “We’re coming over!”
“I dorm, actually!” You quickly spit out, covering your mouth immediately afterward.
“Ah, why don’t you have an apartment yet?” Your step-father asks. “You know, your sister, Nadia has a house.” He says, forgetting the fact that Nadia was 27 and had won the lottery before moving to the countryside and buying her own house with her roommate since elementary school.
“I know, abbā.” You strain.
“I still don’t know why he went to Gotham for college,” He mutters and you wouldn’t have heard it had it not been for them being on speaker.
“Come meet us!” Your mom demands. “We’re in front of Gotham Bright Hotel! Diana is tired.”
“I’m busy, mom.”
“Nonsense, come and pick us up!” She huffs.
You at Damian, silently telling him see, crazy! He nods and thinks for a second before grabbing the TV remote and hurriedly opening YouTube.
“I’m studying and I’m pretty busy,” You repeat, watching as he looks up Fire Alarm noises. “Just stay there. I heard it’s a go—“ The video plays and you thank god there wasn’t an ad and it’s loud enough to seem real. “Sorry, abbā, mom, I gotta go! Fire drill,” Hanging up, you sigh and press your forehead to the cold table.
“Why are they in Gotham?” He asks, stopping the video.
“Fuck if I know,” You grumble into the wood. “I should get a new number…” Sitting down, you stare at your phone and groan. It’s not worth it. “I’m gonna take a nap, don’t wake me up until the sun comes up, please.” Getting up, you kiss his cheek and head to your room.
—
It doesn’t take long for you to bump into your family. The very next day, in fact. Dick had all but begged you and Damian to come along with him and the rest of the Waynes to go and check out the tree they put in front of Gotham City Hall every year. Like the New York tree. Just way smaller and probably will be stolen before Christmas.
You’re next to Damian, your hands stuffed into your big coat and your chin trying to retreat into your scarf watching as the crane lowers the tree. It’s already decorated in yellow and red ornaments, There’s some Gotham Vigilante ornaments, too, you note and grin when you see your insignia.
“It looks nice,” You chitter to Damian who looks over at you. He laughs at your state and moves in front of you to fix your scarf. You watch him as he carefully unwraps it and measures it to an equal length. He does it incredibly fast and you hope one day you’re as good as him with— everything really.
He looks back up at you and carefully draws the middle in front of your neck. He has to lean a bit forward to wrap the material around your neck but he doesn’t mind the fact that you can see your breaths mixing with the small gap he created. You don’t either, though. His fingers graze your neck as he tucks the scarf into itself before he admires his work and nods.
“Thanks,” With a noticeably less chatter of your teeth Damian is satisfied with his work and stands next to you again. You peer over at Dick who’s grinning ear to ear, watching the tree and putting his phone back into his pocket.
“He’s like a kid or something,” You laugh and Damian follows your eyes.
“He’s up to something,” He shakes his head and glares at his brother. Feeling the glare, Dick looks over at the two of you and waves his hand wildly. “Suspicious,” Damian confirms to himself. You roll your eyes and look back to the tree. There are some people helping set it in place as it’s lowered. Hopefully, there are no bombs in it this year.
“(Y/n)?” Several heads turn to the voice and you see your younger sister grinning and rushing over to you. She’s dressed in a fancy blue winter coat, the one with a small cape on the shoulders and white fur along the edges.
“Diana…!” Behind her, you see some other family members. Your parents, both your step-parents, your siblings, and two cousins with their mom. “Oh my god.” You whisper. In truth, you probably should’ve expected they’d be there. That’s your fault.
“We should run.” You tell Damian and he considers it. But your mother must be the flash with how fast she’s in front of you.
“Where’s your hat? And you don’t have gloves!” She immediately says while removing her gloves and holding your face for a second. She removes her hands as you try not to move away from her grip, then places the back of her head to your forehead then your ears. “You’re going to get sick!”
“Is this your mother?” Bruce smiles as he stands behind you.
“Yes,” You nod, putting your hands in your pocket.
“I’m Bruce,” He introduces himself and holds his hand out. It doesn’t click fast for the others, but for Diana it does.
“Like Bruce Wayne? So, you’re Damian Wayne, right?”
Diana’s eyes gleam as she asks and for some reason, it leaves a bad feeling in your mouth. You don’t like the way she looks at him and the idea of her touching him makes you angry. He notices, you don’t know how, and places a hand on your shoulder.
“Yes.” He nods. “And you are?” Her smile falters for a second and her eyes dart to you for a second. She composed herself and removed her hands from her pocket.
“Diana, his sister!” She holds her hand out for him as the rest of your family catches up. “He must’ve talked about me a bunch!” She flashes a grin to you.
“Not at all.” He shakes his head and turns to the rest of your family. You hide a grin and he shakes their hands, he already knows their names and he’s seen their faces before so it’s just a formality on his end.
“I had already invited (Y/n) to Thanksgiving,” Bruce starts, getting everyone’s attention back to him. “Would you like to join?”
Oh god no. Please.
Damian looks over at his father with barely hidden distaste as you stare at nothing. You know they’ll jump at the chance. They’ll ruin everything.
“We’d love to!” Your father says as your stepmother nods in agreement. The rest of your family agrees and maybe it’s the cold air that makes it hard to breathe but for some reason, you can’t. You blink, trying to take in as much as possible but it’s hard and you’re sure you don’t have asthma. Not anymore at least. Subconsciously, you tug at your earlobe to try and calm down.
“We need to leave now, though.” Damian cuts off your step-father as he’s about to speak. “We have finals to study for. It was nice meeting you.” He grabs your wrist from your ear and tugs you after him; you follow him without hassle until you’re back at the car Bruce had driven in.
“I truly do not understand father's thinking. Inviting them without consulting with you was a brash and out-of-character thing for him to do.” He frowns, unlocking the car with the keys he snagged from Bruce’s pocket. You used to wonder how he did it, but you’ve learned to not truly question him and his methods. Just hope he teaches you then one day.
“Yeah,” Is the only thing you manage to say. Only Damian really knew about your family, the others just knew you weren’t very close with them.
It was one night, you figured. You’ll be fine.
—
Bruce had requested everyone be at the manor before noon, which to Damian reads as being at the manor by nine. It’s less than a two-hour drive from your apartment to the manor, so you had to be up since four in the fucking morning. Which, honestly, you didn’t mind all that much.
It was a little homey just sitting with Damian in the living room and the sun wasn’t up yet, and then taking turns getting ready. It was nice. Different too. It almost distracted you from the fact that you were about to see your family.
“Is this okay?” You ask Damian as you enter his room, tugging at the hem of your sweater. He was already dressed, in a simple black shirt and brown pants but he made it look expensive. You felt stupid and like someone pretending to be important. God, your pants didn’t even fit right! You should probably go and change, find something from one of the gala’s you’ve attended.
“You look perfect,” He says as he removes your hands from the hem and locks your hands together to stop you from leaving. “Cuff the ends of your pants, perhaps.” He adds offhandedly. You frown and look behind him. He has a small bag packed and you look back at him.
“I don’t wanna go,” You whisper, searching his face for a sign that he’ll agree and you’ll both stay in your apartment for the night. You won’t have to see your family and probably finally block them. He won’t have to deal with his brothers. It’s a win-win situation.
“Take this opportunity,” He says and lets go of one of your hands to grab his bag from his bed. “Show them how good you’re doing. You’re basically a Wayne, you’re above them in every way possible.” Shouldering his bag, he guides you to your room and hands you your bag.
“But…” You bite your cheek and take the bag. “What if… I dunno— I do something stupid! I slip up and reveal everything… I’m probably better off just sitting there. Diana will do most of the talking anyway.” You huff the last part. “Did you see the way she acted? I mean, she definitely toned down the spoiled and entitled energy but still. She’ll probably try and get with you, too.” His face scrunches at the thought and it makes you laugh.
“You should know she’s far from my type.” He says as he checks his phone and you don’t really understand but you pretend you do.
“Can you grab Alfred? Pennyworth is here.” Humming, you enter the living room and grab the carrier that Alfred is less than happy to be in from the table. You try and keep him as stable as possible while Damian gets Titus and the two of you head out. He locks the door and you add an extra measure from your toolbar before going to the elevator.
“You’ll be fine,” He swears as the two of you step inside. There’s no one else in the elevator seeing how early in the day it is and all the students have already gone home. “Besides, I’m sure one of my moronic brothers will do something embarrassing and do all the talking for us. And Pennyworth has promised knafeh.”
“I love knafeh,” He grins and steps out of the elevator.
“That’s why I asked him to make it.” And they call him a demon.
Following Damian, you spot Alfred waiting in front of the car with a warm smile.
“Good morning, Mr. Pennyworth,” You greet him while giving him a one-armed hug.
“Good morning, Mr. (L/n),” He pats your back then moves to open the car door. “Young Master Damian,” He nods and Damian nods back. The two of you scoot into the car and you set the cage in front of your legs. Alfred meows when he realizes he’s going back to the manor and begins to scratch at the bottom of the cage.
“I’m sure he misses the open space,” You comment, trying to peer down inside of the cage but you can only lean down so far without fearing you’d break your back.
“Alfred is truly a pampered cat,” Pennyworth says as he enters the car. “Buckle up.”
The ride is spent with you and Damian discussing random topics from your next patrol to your finals. He had even gotten Alfred to join in on the topic and the two of them all but yelled at you to study for your finals. Eventually, you did cave and promised them you would and you just know Damian is going to hold you to that.
“Now,” Alfred sighs as he parks the car in front of the door to the manor. “I have to retrieve your family along with Master Dick. Do not tell the others this, but I trust you two the most in the kitchen. Could you please continue my preparations?”
“Of course, Alfie!” You grin while Damian just nods. Alfred smiles and looks at the two of you through the rearview mirror.
“Thank you, I have a list on the fridge. Simply follow it until I get back.” With the promise not to fuck anything up, the two of you head into the manor and quickly put your things into his room and let Alfred out.
“You’re better with a knife,” You mutter as you read over the list on the fridge. A list probably isn't even the right word for it. It’s four pages long and double-sided, explains what’s being made and the steps to make it and you’re not sure that’s even all of the papers he’s created. Alfred tends to go big for Thanksgiving, you think it’s because the Wayne’s hadn’t been a big family until Bruce got addicted to taking in kids. Not to mention now your family was joining. “I’ll season the food.”
Damian peers over at the list as you move to wash your hands and sees that everything has a time next to it, they’re already a little behind schedule so he’ll need to work quickly. He’s sure that the two of you can catch everything back up to speed and hopefully allow Alfred some breathing room.
It’s vegetables after vegetables for Damian. He’s sure he’s cut up an entire acre of carrots and onions by the time he sees the two cars pull up to the manor. You, on the other hand, are having fun mixing and mashing various foods. You just hoped it was to Alfred’s standards.
You see both of the cars pull up and take that as your sign to wrap up whatever you’re doing and you wash your hands.
“I’m a pro fucking chef,” You grin at Damian as he sets the last of the stuff he chopped into a bowl next to the sink.
“It smells good.” He agrees, watching as the cars pull to a stop just long enough for everyone to get out. Your family piles out of the cars and you cringe as Diana is quick to insist on a family photo. You, of course, are not included in it but that’s nothing new. That fact doesn’t do anything to satiate your mood, though.
“Bathroom,” You say as you kiss his cheek and head down the hallway. He watches with a frown before he wipes his hands on the kitchen towel and decides he’s not going to greet your family at the door.
He stops at the first-floor bathroom and hears the faucet running. He knocks on the door once with his index knuckle and hears the water stop running.
“I’m going to be in the family library,” Looking up from your spot on the top of the toilet, you wipe your face and clear your throat.
“Okay, be there in a second.”
—
Entering the family library, you’re glad your family wasn’t inside just yet. They were probably still taking pictures in front since god knows how many individual and group pictures they like to take. Damian is sitting on the middle couch, Titus and Ace are sandwiching him together but Ace moves when he sees you. Like he knows you’re going to sit there.
It makes you smile and you greet Tim who’s on a chair, he gives a small wave without pulling his head out of his laptop. You wonder what case he’s working on, has to be important if Bruce couldn’t force him to keep it in his room. The others aren’t downstairs yet, so it’s just the three of you in the room.
Damian moves his left arm to the top of the sofa as you sit down and only when you’re comfortable does he move it to lay across your shoulders. He doesn’t do that often, but whenever he does it’s a welcomed interaction. You lean into his touch, just a little.
You hear them enter the manor, but you’re more focused on the fact that he started to play with the hair on the base of your scalp. He’s probably doing it on purpose, but you don’t care; you’re glad he does because you didn’t even realize they had entered the library until you felt him greet them. His shoulder bounces a bit as he nods to them.
“Oh,” Nadia says and you look over at her. She says it in the same way you’d say oh when you catch onto something. But you’re not sure what she’s caught onto. Her roommate, Kendall, waves with her fingers and you wave back. “Hey, squirt.” Your eyes turn back to your sister and her hand that twitches to grab Kendall’s.
“There you are!” Her hand snaps back to her side as your mother speaks. You sit up straight as you see your mother, you don’t know why. But it felt wrong leaning on Damian with your family there, you’ve never felt that way before. “Why didn’t you greet us at the door?” Your mother asks.
“I was busy.” You say, looking over your family. “How was the ride?”
“No one shot at us,” Your cousin laughs, throwing himself onto one of the sofas. You cringe, watching the wood bend at the sheer force he’d thrown himself down with. “But there was this one lady with the only gyatt!” He says and oh my god, you’d forgotten he was a middle school boy.
“How’s school going?” Your step-mother asks, sitting in your father's lap. Your mother eyes them and you try not to as well, but you’ve never liked them together. She’s twenty-five, hardly old enough to be with a man in his fifties.
“Good,” You hum.
“So,” Diana grins as she crosses her leg over her right. “Damian, what’s it like— living in Gotham? I bet it’s scary.” She’s sitting on the sofa next to the one you’re on, but closer to Damian. You bet if your folks weren’t in the rooms she’d try and reach for his hand. You try and not to focus on that.
“It’s not,” He shrugs.
“Really?” She grins. “Because I was thinking of transferring to Gotham University!” She says and Damian’s fingers twitch along your back.
“It’s not scary for me, someone who isn’t used to life here will never make it.” He quickly adds and she frowns.
“It can’t be that hard,” She waves her hand to you. “I mean, (Y/n) is doing fine and he’s… him!” She laughs as she says that and you look at your parents, they’re clearly listening to the conversation but as per usual, no one will ever stop Diana.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Damian asks while leaning forward in his seat.
“There you two are!” Dick shouts as he runs into the library. His eyes look between the two of you and he makes the same face he does when he sees a cute dog.
“Richard.” Damian greets.
“Kori!” You gasp and rush over to the woman as she walks into the room. Damian grumbles something but stands up and follows after you. “Oh my god, Dick didn’t mention you were coming.” You glare at him but he holds his hands up.
“We wanted to keep it a surprise,” She laughs and holds onto his shoulder. “His father has the baby.” Two months ago, Kori had given birth to their daughter, Mari. You had yet to meet her, but Dick made sure to spam-send you photos whenever he could.
“Aw!” You frown. “Why does that old man get to see the baby first?” Damian hides his laughter and you nudge his side with your hip.
“Because she’s my grandchild,” Bruce says as he walks in behind them. He walks next to Kori and you see her swaddled in a purple blanket, sound asleep.
“And I’m the godfather!” You remind him, looking down at Mari.
“As am I,” Damian reminds you and you roll your eyes, waving your hand at him.
“Can I hold her?” You whisper, afraid you’d wake her up. Bruce nods and you grin, helping him slide Mari into your arms. “She’s so small,” Turning to Damian, he holds your shoulder with one hand, and the other scoops under the hand that holds Mari’s head. He’s trying not to smile in front of Dick but you can see it.
“She has your hair, Richard.” He notes, turning to his brother as he puts his phone back into his pocket as quickly as possible. He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t broach the topic.
“And her mother's eyes,” Dick smiles at his wife.
“Let’s sit,” Bruce says and you nod, unable to look away from Mari in fear of dropping her. Damian guides you back to your seats and you slowly lower yourself onto the couch.
“She’s less fragile than you think,” He softly reminds you and you finally look away from her. Damian looks away from Mari and looks at you, his eyes flickering across your face before they settle on your eyes.
“She’s so small, though.” You frown and he nods, moving some of your hair from your face. “Wanna hold her?”
“Wish Jay took that much of an interest in her.” Dick frowns, watching the two of you. “First grandchild of the family!”
“Hopefully only grandchild for a while,” Bruce says as he unbuttons his jacket to sit comfortably.
“I doubt you’ll have a baby problem anytime soon.” Tim laughs, finally putting his laptop away. “Dickie is the only one of us to date a woman.” Dick laughs and Bruce genuinely has to think about it. Had he raised a home filled with gay people? Did he make kids gay? He’s one for four at the moment but he sort of wishes Duke and Cas would even the scores out a bit. No— he’s zero for five. He corrects himself, remembering Dick’s boyfriend from a few years back.
“Not true,” You cross your arms, oblivious to Bruce’s spiral. “Steph—“
“You know what I meant!” He rolls his eyes. “He’s the only guy in this family who’s dated a woman.”
“No,” You shake your head while looking at Damian. “Didn’t you date uh… what’s her name? Nika?” He looks almost offended that you said that.
“(Y/n), she’s gay.” He corrects.
“Alexis?”
“She was delusional.”
“Emiko?”
“Friends.”
“Maxinne?”
“Friends. Why do you think I’ve dated these women?” The man himself walks into the library with Alfred.
“…Jason…” You admit and he gives you a Are you fucking serious look. Jason looks confused for a second but he can get a hint of what’s happening based on Damian and Dick’s face.
“You believed Todd to tell you the truth of my love life?” He stresses and now you feel stupid.
“When you say it like that!” You huff, turning your head away from him. “I mean he also said you dated Jon.”
“And that didn’t give you a sign he was lying?” He chuckles.
“So, are you single?” Your mother asks and you catch Diana pretending not to listen but she leans in closer.
“No.” Damian answers in a tight tone and you frown.
“No?” You echo and he looks at you, bewildered.
“No shot,” Jason laughs, his head tilted. “You two with me.” He points between the two of you and you look between his family, a similar look spreading across their faces. What the fuck is going on? But you follow Jason after Damian handed Mari back to Dick. He doesn’t look happy, you note as he walks two paces ahead of you; something he hardly ever does.
Jason guided the two of you into a smaller library that Bruce uses when he’s having meetings. You stand on the carpet while Damian stands close to the fireplace.
“Damian,” Jason says as he closes the doors. “Are you single?”
“No.” He snaps.
“(Y/n),” He turns to you. “Are you single?”
“Yes…?” You trail. “Why?”
“Figure it out!” Jason laughs and then leaves the room. Staring at the door, you sigh and sit on the couch, leaning your arms on your legs.
“(Y/n),” Damian calls. “Why didn’t you tell your family we’re together?” His voice is smaller than before and he doesn’t look at your face, like he’s ashamed.
“We’re what?” You shout, your head snapping over to him. “Dude, since when?” He realizes it then and now it makes sense.
“You kissed me.” He stresses and sits down across from you.
“Yeah, on the cheek!” You roll your hand. “That’s normal and totally not romantic!” He crosses his arms and you shrink into your seat under his gaze.
“Do you kiss all of your friends?” He asks, an eyebrow raised in the air. You humor it for a second, thinking about kissing one of your college friends on the cheek like you did with him. It seemed gross, wrong. As if it was some sort of violation. That those kisses between you and Damian were sacred and to even think about it with someone else was somehow an act against god.
“Well, no,” You blink down to the floor.
“Then why me?” He asks. You don’t understand at that moment, but when you look back on the conversation you realize he was guiding you to an answer you already knew.
“I mean, it just feels right with you.” Looking back at him, he’s smiling and his eyes are bright. “But I’ve never liked a guy before.” You admit, taking in a deep breath. “I dunno how to be in a gay relationship.”
“It’s the same as any other relationship.” He reassures you. “If that’s what you want.” He adds, holding your hand. You look at your hands together and smile. Do you want that?
You imagine yourself, going on dates with him and announcing each other as your boyfriend. Kissing him. Like actually kissing him. And it makes your face hurt with how much you’re smiling. You’re giddy, like some kid with a crush and you feel stupid for not putting two and two together sooner.
“I think I do.” You look at him and hold his hand back. “I do.” You nod. “I want that— this.”
“Good,” He sighs, his shoulders relaxing. “Because my family already knows.” He admits and you look at the door. Jason is probably still there, listening and reporting back to the others.
“Do you want other people to know?” You ask. “I know you consider your private life… private.”
“I would love nothing more than to introduce you as my partner.” He says, his thumb rubbing against your flesh.
“If I knew you liked me this much before I would’ve made a move sooner,” You laugh, looking between his eyes. He rolls his eyes and stands up, pulling you with him.
Once you’re on your feet, he holds you by your hips and you don’t exactly know what to do with your hands. You settle on holding his waist, you’ve never realized just how toned he was.
“Can I?” He asks, bringing his left hand up to brush against your bottom lip. Understanding what he’s asking, your heart hammers in your chest as you nod. “Use your words, Habibi.”
“Yes.” You nod feverishly and he dips in without a second thought. His left hand cups your face, trying to pull you closer and you’re doing the same with his waist. Digging into his skin, you’re sure your lips are going to bruise with how needy you’re kissing him. It’s almost shameful how easily you’re crumbling under his touch. Your stomach is doing tricks that only Dick could perform and for some reason, you don’t know why you didn’t do this sooner.
Never has a kiss felt this good, this right. His right hand moves from your hip and travels up, surely messing up your shirt but that’s a worry for another time. You can only focus on how it’s now holding the back of your head, his nails dragging across your scalp and you can’t help the noise that comes out.
“Oh?” He utters against your lips. You laugh and take the time to catch your breath, looking between his eyes, listening to your shared panting.
“Again?” You’re almost pleading, your eyes stuck on his lips.
“Of course.” This kiss is different, it’s less of a release and more of a we have all the time in the world now type of kiss. It’s slow and it’s tender, you feel all the details in his lips and how yours moves against his. This one feels like a hum you’ve known all your life and it’s wonderful.
This time, your hands find his hair and you don’t realize it, but you’re dragging your nails across his scalp and playing with his hair. He does, though. It makes his heart hammer and he moans into the kiss, unable to do anything but focus on you.
“Alright, that’s enough!” Jason says as he opens the door. Without breaking the kiss, you open your hot bar and with pure muscle memory, grab the water gun and spray him until he leaves. Damian laughs, pulling away from the kiss, and looks at Jason who’s trying to avoid getting sprayed but it seems like Damian’s rubbed off on you more than you realize it because damn, even when he moves you’re still hitting him!
He looks back to you and you’re still looking at him, your pupils blown wide and he can feel the light panting coming from you. Your lips are glossy, coating in both of your spit and he’s sure his are too. He can get used to that.
“We should head back,” He reasons, lowering your water gun. “Before father sends Grayson and he starts crying like before.” Throwing the gun back into your hot bar, you give him a questioning look. “When I announced we were dating… he cried.”
“You’re joking?”
“Unfortunately not.” He rolls his eyes and stands up straight, fixing his clothes and his hair. You do the same while Jason is going on about cleaning up the water and having to change. There’s no water on the floor, you note as you walk out of the library. None on the walls either. Every single one of them hit Jason.
Back in the family library, you return to your seats and Tim is the first to notice both of your elated moods. It’s more visible on you, but it’s harder to spot with Damian. It’s more of a feeling he gets, his face is as neutral as he can be when he’s around you but he’s so clearly happy. His steps are different, he imagines if he had less dignity he’d skip around the manor. The two of you settle in your seats and he’s pleasantly surprised to see you lean into Damian without a care of who else is in the room.
He’d gotten the text, along with every other sibling from the NO BRUCE!!! group chat. Jason, only seconds after closing the door had told everyone that you didn’t know of your own relationship. Safe to say you knew now.
Tim looks at your family and the only happy one seems to be Nadia. She’s a somber type of happy, though. She’s happy for you, but she can’t bring herself to be half as bold as you are and it hurts. Diana is trying to wrap her head to a different conclusion, she’s holding onto hope that you’ll be pushed away. It almost makes him laugh. Your older brother is in his own world, as he’s always been. He’s quiet, hardly noticeable but it seems to be on his own devices as he had picked the furthest seat from everyone.
But it seems to be from more of an air of misplaced pride than anything. His nose is turned up and he’s wearing an expensive suit. But it’s clearly not his, Tim would know. If there’s the money to splurge on that type of suit there’s always a tailor to get the proportions right.
Then there’s your half-sibling, from your father's side. She’s around ten and he wonders just when did your parents separated. Then he remembers there’s a seventeen-year age gap between the oldest and the youngest of your siblings. She’s sleeping, her head on her father's shoulder and the forgotten iPad discarded on her lap, about to fall off and hit the carpet.
Your father sees the two of you and looks at your mother who’s trying to keep her calm around the company— rich company at that. Tim doesn’t know why, but if he were them, he would at least try and pretend as if he’s happy for the relationship. Their son was dating the richest bachelor in the world and could very possibly give them a comfortable life. But he doesn’t think they see the bigger picture.
And yet, despite the clear disgust throughout your family, no one says a single word. The entire library is silent save for Mari and the two of you, talking as if no one else is in the room.
He wants to gag.
“Kids,” Bruce says as he sits straight in his seat. “Could you leave us for a moment? I’d like a word with the adults.”
“Half of us are adults,” You chide and he gives you a look.
“A word with the parents.” He corrects.
“I’m still in, baby!” Dick silently cheers to not wake Mari. But it only makes Bruce sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose.
“A word with (Y/n)’s parents and aunt. Alone.” He stresses. Curious as to what he’s up to, and mostly afraid of what’s going to happen while you’re gone, you open your hot bar without causing too much attention to yourself. The Hotbar is only visible to yourself, so no one sees the vast list of gadgets you pull up and quickly find the listening device Tim created.
“Don’t need to ask me twice,” You grumble and stand up, pulling Damian up after you.
Jason and Tim are already out of the room, there any fewer interactions and they’ll jump at the opportunity. Dick and Kori, despite wanting to enjoy the snow in the yard with the others, retreat to Dick’s room to nap while Mari is sleeping.
You hold the door open for your siblings and cousin, but Damian sees you place the device on the door and raises an eyebrow
“(Y/n),” Bruce says in a low tone. Of course, he’d seen it, too.
“Gotta go!” You urge and slip out of the room.
—
Diana, alone in the yard as her family had drifted away, finds herself bored and honestly, she’s at Wayne Manor and she just has to show off. She hasn’t posted the pictures yet, she still needs to edit them so no one knows she’s there. And she’s sure her followers would love to see a snowy Wayne manor.
Thankfully, the wifi was stable enough in the backyard that the connection for her Instagram Live was crystal clear.
She waits until she sees five digits on the view counter before he even starts speaking.
“Hey, guys!” She waves at her phone. “Bruce Wayne invited my family to his manor for Thanksgiving! Super grateful for that,” She nods towards the large manor and then at the comments, begging to see the man in question. “He’s inside, talking to my parents. But his kids are here too! I think Damian went into the maze…” She looks off to the green hedges coated in a thick layer of snow. “I’ll go and find him.”
She flips the camera around, and her viewers watch as she walks inside. She doesn’t notice right away, but nearly gasps when she sees she has just over two million people watching. Maybe you are good for something, she almost laughs.
It takes about twenty minutes of aimlessly walking before she finds the center of the maze. The two million viewers had gone down to just a million but she’ll take it.
“I think that’s it,” She mutters, seeing a clearing of bushes. It’s incredibly cold, so she’s shivering and her teeth are chattering but she can’t blame herself! She’s not used to snow. “There’s Damian!” She whispers, seeing his head of hair sitting on a bench. Pointing her phone in that direction, she decides it’s better to hide herself and look through her phone.
From what people can see, Damian is sitting next to someone. They can’t tell until she turns the phone a bit more and it’s you. Gotham citizens know you, of course. Over the past couple of years, everyone in Gotham knows the two of you are friends but no one really cares to post about it.
She rolls her eyes, of course, you’re still stuck to his side. The two of you are talking, but you’re too far away for Diana to hear the conversation. You’re laughing, though and Damian is explaining something. Your laughter slows down and the two of you just sorta of look at each other.
Damian asks something and you scoff, looking away before he grabs your chin and leans in. The viewer count is going up and before Diana can fully process what’s happening, the two of you are kissing. Honestly, she’s furious! You knew she liked him, she’s sure of that. This— whatever game you’re playing is just to get at her. She’s sure of it. But she can’t act on it, the views are around eight million and she doesn't want Damian to think she’s crazy.
He’s holding you dearly, it’s the gentlest he’s ever touched a person before and you’re proud to say you’ll be his first and only.
His lips detach for yours and trail down to your chin.
“Habibi,” He mutters and you shudder, feeling the vibrations against your neck. Honestly, at that moment you genuinely could not give a single fuck about your family. About their feelings towards you, about the ways they treated you growing up, and about them. As people. Each and every one of them, none of them could ever compare to this.
Thank that blue-pilled man, seriously.
#x male reader#x reader#damian wayne x you#damian wayne x male reader#damian al ghul x reader#damian al ghul x male reader#damian wayne x reader
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Hey!! Do you have any ihm headcanons for gojo and y/n?
I honestly love them both so much especially reader. Your writing is amazing
suuure!! i mean they're not like officially in a relationship yet so these will just be kinda random facts about them i supposeee, some separate and some together :0 but i hope they're still interesting haha <33
in holy matriphony headcanons
ᰔ note. for anyone new here, these headcanons are based off of my gojo x reader long fic series called "in holy matriphony"!! header art by @/3-aem
ihm!gojo woodworks in his free time. he’s building a coffee table right now. he passed out in his workshop last weekend because he accidentally inhaled too many wood stain fumes
ihm!gojo already has a college fund set up for his future kids (he started it when he was 26 lmfao)
ihm!gojo on that note is veeery financially responsible (unlike ihm reader hahaha)
ihm!reader only chose nursing for her post undergrad plans because she dressed up as a nurse once for halloween and it drove choso crazy and that’s basically what she ended up rolling with for the rest of her professional career 👍🏼 (a questionable yet relatable decision)
ihm!gojo’s ex-wife, who shall still remain mostly a mystery, is actually someone he’s known since he was four years old (childhood friends to lovers type beat)
ihm!gojo’s favorite weekend pass times are hanging out with juno, taking his boat out to the lake, and watching SNL
ihm!reader secretly really wants to go for a ride on the lake on ihm!gojo’s boat but she’s spent so much time yelling at him for parking it halfway across her driveway curb that she feels like asking would be damage to her ego
ihm!gojo & ihm!reader were actually veeeeeery civil with one another when they first met, like very sweet neighbors, but then obviously things became sour down the line haha
ihm!gojo eats a generally pretty clean diet other than the occasional takeout on a friday. he PIGS out when he’s sold a house though. also, he’s a massive slut for home baked goods especially if they were made just for him. one time juno brought him a plate of (very burnt) chocolate chip cookies and he damn near cried (it’s the thought that counts)
ihm!gojo became a real estate agent fresh out of college but his actual major in college was entirely unrelated to marketing, sales, or business (shall be revealed later)
ihm!reader was voted prom queen not once but twice when she was in high school and she believes that’s when she peaked in life
ihm!gojo gets sent on business trips to foreign countries pretty often by his brokerage firm to assess new housing markets and he always tries to bring back souvenirs for everyone in the neighborhood (except reader because he once brought her a stuffed animal from the airport in taiwan but he saw her throw it away in her garbage bin on trash day :( …she’s so mean sometimes)
whenever ihm!gojo & ihm!reader have arguments over things, they always vent about it to their neighbors in passing, and reader gets so pissed off when neighbors take gojo’s side because she’s literally lived there her whole life and yet they have the audacity to advocate for HIM
ihm!reader holds a lot of resentment towards her father because he was a heavy smoker for the entirety of his marriage to her mom, and so she suspects the reason her mother has cancer in the first place is because of the secondhand smoke
ihm!gojo is obsessed with avocados. he eats avocado toast everyday. and he makes a meaaaaannn bowl of guac. he only has one avocado tree in his backyard right now but he would like to have a whole farm of them someday
ihm!gojo is really social, he loooves to talk to people and get to know them and ask them for their whole life story even if he just met them like two minutes ago lol, but his actual close knit group of friends is only like 3-4ish guys
ihm!gojo gets frequently invited to his clients’ dinner parties, christmas parties, thanksgiving meals, kids birthday parties etc lmfaooo but he often has to politely decline
ihm!reader’s doctor is very concerned for her symptoms of insomnia (due to her abnormal sleeping schedule from nights shifts) because she already has risk factors for alzheimer's from her mother and insomnia only increases that risk
ihm!reader’s favorite store ever is costco. she wants her ashes to be spread across a costco parking lot
a/n. hope u enjoyed :0 much love!!
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x reader smut#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x reader angst#jjk gojo#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru fluff#smut#fluff#angst#gojo satoru fanfiction#gojo x you#long fic#jjk fanfiction#jjk series#romance#fake dating#fake marriage#neighbors au#ongoing series#humor#slow burn#mutual pining#enemies to lovers#gojo x reader series
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Don't Fight It
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.3k
Warnings: angst, gun violence, murder, fluff
Request by @jessicalynnann: Dean standing by a window and he is a multi millionaire mob boss… any ways. Standing by the window with a glass of whiskey waiting for the reader who he keeps denying his feelings for…. Any ways her best friend calls says that someone is bothering the reader and won’t leave them alone. Well he rushes down and saves the reader after he finds her in the alley almost being attacked and then he confesses everything 😂☺️
Summary: You work for not only a successful businessman but also a man who does less than legal things in his spare time. He hopes to never have to bring you into that side of his life but when your ex makes an appearance, he has no choice but to use his deadly skills to get you out of trouble alive.
Square Filled: “it’s not an addiction. it’s a coping mechanism.” (2023) for @spnaubingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3
x
Never in your professional career have you ever been late except for today. Your car didn’t want to start this morning so you had to jumpstart it using a portable charger you had lying around from the last time your brother was staying with you. He claims he forgot it but you know he left it there intentionally. He’s always looking out for you whether you want him to or not.
You walk into work clutching your purse and water cup to your chest as you make your way to your desk. Due to the darkness coming from underneath your boss’ door, you assume he’s not in right now. Thank God. You don’t have to confront him after being late. You quickly get settled in and immediately pull up your emails to see what kind of day you’re going to have today.
As the personal assistant to the CEO of Winchester Industries, you always have a lot on your plate. There is seldom any time for yourself at work which is a good thing because that means the day goes by faster. You admire Dean for what he does and the impact he has made not only on the town you live in but in towns across America. He is involved with environmental technologies, medical devices, and the telecommunications sector. He cares so much about the environment that he develops equipment that helps farmers, medical devices mostly for animals, and strengthens the telecommunication sector across America.
He had an idea one day and decided to do something about it instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Now, he’s one of the richest men in the country because of it.
Speaking of the devil, when Dean walks out of the elevator, you’re already halfway through your emails.
“Good morning, Y/N,” he drawls.
“Good morning, Dean.”
“Hey, did you happen to get the contracts for--”
“Already on your desk.”
“What about the proposal for--”
“Already done, waiting for your seal of approval. I also have reached out to Phoenix Zoo and set up a Zoom meeting at ten since their medical equipment broke for their gorilla.”
Dean leans against your desk with a sexy smirk on his face. What you wouldn’t give to see that smirk behind closed doors. If you put aside the fact that you’re his personal assistant, there is one reason why you shouldn’t fall for a man like Dean Winchester. He’s a successful CEO but you know he’s involved with shady shit on the side. You’re not sure what his deal is but you know it isn’t legal. You turn a blind eye to the many times he’s come into work with bloodstains on his stark white shirt.
Maybe you should run. Any sane, logical person would but you’ve never been the one to listen to that side of you.
“What would I do without you?”
“Cry, maybe. This business would crumble without me.”
“Don’t I know it,” he chuckles.
“So, I have two interviews coming in today, both for the marketing department, Dalton Martinez wants to schedule a meeting with you, and--”
“How about this,” he cuts you off, “you take care of the interviews today and I’ll take care of everything else.”
“Okay.”
He walks into his office and you can’t help but watch him leave. He’s such a good-looking man that it’s hard not to fall for his charm. You tried asking what he does in his free time when you saw his bloody shirt for the first time but he refused to talk about it. You haven’t asked him about it since even though you want to.
The two interviews come and go and now you’re stuck at your desk replying to emails, drafting up contracts for Dean, and planning his next work trip. Right when the clock strikes twelve, Dean comes out of his office without his jacket on. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, and you vermouth waters at the sight of his white shirt stretching across his broad chest.
“Hey, are you busy for lunch?”
“No.”
“Want to have lunch with me? I’ll be stuck in this office all day.”
“Sure,” you smile. You log out of your computer and grab your lunch bag from the fridge you have underneath your desk. You pass by one of the other ladies on the floor and she tsks when you approach her desk. “What?”
“Be careful not to get involved with him.”
“I’m not. It’s just lunch.”
You walk into Dean’s office who is standing by this floor-length windows with a glass of whiskey in hand.
“Don’t tell me that glass is your lunch.”
“No.” He walks over to his desk, reaches into the mini-fridge, and pulls out a meatball sandwich he made before coming to work. “So, tell me about your day.”
You eye the glass of whiskey on his desk. “Maybe we should talk about your day. Addiction can ruin someone’s life.”
“It’s not an addiction. It’s a coping mechanism.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I’d rather talk about you. Any plans this weekend?”
“I might need something stronger than water if I’m going to talk about that,” you chuckle.
“Don’t let me stop you.”
You get up and pour yourself a strong drink before downing it in one go. That will be a mistake later but you don’t care. You pour yourself another glass before sitting back down across from him.
“Let me know if this is unprofessional but I haven’t had a date in two years. In the last relationship I was in, he tried to have me killed. I come from very old money but I like to work hard for what I have instead of using what my family gives me every week.”
“I understand,” Dean nods, leaning back in his chair as he listens intently.
“When my ex-boyfriend found out about my money, he wanted it. He wanted to be rich and powerful, but I realized that all he ever wanted from me was money. I was done giving it to him so I broke things off which is when he tried to kill me. I tried to move on but he’s always there to ruin things for me. I kind of gave up on romance and having friends. So, the answer to your question is no, I don’t have any plans this weekend. He won’t let me.”
“What’s his name?”
“Like I’m going to tell you that,” you scoff. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re into some shady shit. I might not know what you do in your free time but I know it’s not legal.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “Am I wrong?”
“No,” he shakes his head.
“Don’t worry about me. I can handle him, but it’d be really nice if I could just wake up one day and feel free.”
Dean leans forward and rubs his hands together. All he can think about is your life in danger and the mere thought sends him into a rage.
“Listen to me. I want you to call me any time of the day and I will help you if you need it.” You nod. “I need you to promise me.”
“Okay, I promise.”
“Cherry is my safe word.”
You immediately choke on your water and almost spit it out on the ground. You cough as you try to regain your composure while Dean watches with an amused look.
“Excuse me?” you cough.
“When someone I know is in danger, they tell me cherry and I know to drop everything for them. That includes you, too.”
“I don’t think I’ll need it,” you clear your throat, “but I promise to use it if I do.”
The rest of the day goes by smoothly and without issue. Dean has been working hard to get everything done before his work trip to Europe, and you’re working hard to make sure he has everything he needs. He asked you to come but you haven’t given him an answer yet. A whole trip with Dean by yourself? That’s a mistake waiting to happen but it would be nice to go to Europe for a week.
Every day for the remainder of the week, you and Dean have lunch in his office and talk about anything and everything. If you didn’t know him as your boss, you two would have made such great friends… maybe something more. He’s leaving for Europe on Monday so you have at least three days to give him an answer on if you’re going or not. Everything will be paid for so all you have to do is show up at the airport at four in the morning if you want to go.
Maybe…
Friday comes around and you’re staying a bit later than normal to finalize everything he needs for his trip. It’s past eight when you finally get done and you shut your computer down for the weekend. Dean is still in his office when you leave, and you head to the carport where your car is. You’re looking at your phone and not paying attention when someone steps in your way. You stop feeling a set of eyes on you and you look up to see your ex-boyfriend at the entrance of the carport.
“Hey, Y/N, long time no see,” he grins.
You immediately turn and head back to work when you see two of his friends blocking that way. The only way you’re going to get out of this is to use the alleyway next to the building. If you can cut through it, you’ll be on the other side of the carport where your car is. You might be able to make it if you’re quick. Elijah must know what you’re going to do because he starts walking over to you. You jump into action and sprint into the alley with your phone clutched in your hand.
Cherry! Cherry! CHERRY!
You almost run into Elijah because you’re texting Dean, and you nearly fall on your ass while stumbling away from him.
“Why are you running from me? I just want to talk.”
You look behind you and see his two friends right blocking the only other way out of the alley. You turn back to Elijah and notice something black glinting in his hands. He has a gun. Your heart starts to race but you force yourself to keep a clear head.
“What do you want, Elijah? I made myself clear the last time I saw you. I don’t want anything to do with you. Please leave.”
“I will when you give what you owe me.”
“What I owe you?”
“You know the trouble you caused the day you left me? You know me pretty well so you know I don’t tolerate bratty behavior. I think two million dollars will make me forget how you left me. Right, boys?”
One of his friends steps to your back and you freeze in fear when you feel his hot breath on your neck.
“Look at her, Eli, she looks like she’s about to cry,” he grins.
“She’s always been a crybaby.”
“I don’t have what you’re asking. Just leave me alone.” His friend grabs your hand and yanks your head back. “You son of a bitch!”
“Give me what I want and I’ll get out of your hair,” Elijah says and steps closer to you.
“Until you need your next fix, huh? Bite me,” you growl.
His friend lets your hair go and steps back to allow Elijah to deal with you.
“Leave her alone.”
All four of you look at the entrance of the alley to see Dean standing there with a deadly look on his face. He came. He got your message and he’s here. You’re scared that Elijah is going to hurt him even though Dean doesn’t seem the type to be scared of a gun.
“Beat it, old man,” Elijah growls.
“I don’t think you heard me,” Dean chuckles. “Get. Away. From. Her.”
“Yeah? What are you going to do about it?” Elijah waves his gun around and you stiffen in fear. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with so just leave before you get put into a body bag.”
“It’s you who will leave in a body bag. Not me.”
Dean takes out a gun from his suit jacket and points it at Elijah. Your ex panics and jumps behind you to use you as a shield, and he presses the barrel of the gun into the side of your head.
“Yeah? What about now?”
“Dean,” you whimper in fear.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m very good at what I do.”
“Get back! I’ll shoot her!” Elijah yells. “She’ll be dead and it’ll be because of you!”
Dean aims his gun at Elijah and pulls the trigger. The shot causes both of his friends to scatter knowing you’re not worth the trouble. Blood sprays on your neck just as you scream in terror. Elijah’s grip on you loosens and he falls back onto the ground. You’re about to fall yourself but Dean is quick to catch you. You’re shaking like a leaf in his arms, and he uses the sleeves of his white shirt to wipe the blood off your neck.
“You’re safe, sweetheart.” You look around frantically, having not heard him. “You’re in shock right now but you’re safe. I didn’t shoot you.”
“What?” you ask and finally look at him.
“I didn't shoot you. You’re safe. He will never bother you again.” You try to look at your ex on the ground behind you but Dean grabs the sides of your face to stop you from doing so. “I told you, I’m very good at my job.” You put your head on his chest and cry, and he smooths down your hair. “Do you live alone?”
“Yeah.”
“Not tonight, you won’t. You’ll stay with me.”
“Okay,” you whisper.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“Thank you,” you say as Dean is bringing you back to his office.
“You don’t ever have to thank me. I will always be here if you need me.”
Yeah, falling for him is inevitable. It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not so may as well run with it instead of fight it.
x
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#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester angst#dean winchester fiction#dean winchester fan fic#dean winchester fan fiction#supernatural#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fanfic#supernatural fluff#supernatural angst
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Get Her a Dog (She'll be Happier For It)
Part One | master list | MDNI
Soap x reader, Price x reader, eventual PriceSoap x reader
series cw: cheating. dubcon. angst. cuckholding. pet play.
chapter cw: angst, pining for someone who isn't your husband
reader is fem and fat
You know where it's going. Part of you wants to tell him to fuck off, get out of your house, scream and yell and pin everything on him - for always taking your husband away or for being an impossible standard to hold him to you don't even know.
It's raining in York again, the soft tatting upon the windows your only indication. It's evening, but you've still got the blinds pulled because you couldn't be arsed to draw them. In the apartment next door, a baby cries its head off and you sigh, turning up the volume on your b-movie romcom. It cries a lot.
You don't immediately reach for your phone when it buzzes against the coffee table because you can't think of any pressing reasons someone would be contacting you tonight, but it goes off twice more in as many minutes so you relent, unlocking it without really looking. Thumbing through to your messages, you find your husband's contact photo beaming back at you, top of the list. You pause, lip twitching slightly. Johnny's supposed to be halfway across the world, his phone inaccessible to him. It should be a good thing that he's texting you - returning from a mission early could go one of two ways, but if he was well enough to text then surely you should be excited for him. Except you're not, because you know what his message will read before you even open it.
Used to be, Johnny would stumble through the door after a deployment all battered and bruised, laughing when you yelped because you weren't expecting him - wandering the house in lazy day clothes because you thought he was supposed to be away another week. He always rushed home the second he could, never wasted enough time for so much as an 'I lived' text because he couldn't bear to be away from you one more unnecessary moment.
Used to be, you two missed each other when he was away.
>having the boys over for dinner
<you're back in town?
>got in yesterday yea
>can u make that pasta dish gaz likes? owe him my life
You sigh, torn between being more annoyed by Johnny's presumption, the fact he hadn't even let you know he was alive let alone at base, and the fact that you know you should be worried after a comment like that.
Mostly, you're just too tired.
The pasta dish Kyle likes involves heavy cream which you don't currently have. There's a small shop just two streets up and you'd hate to waste the gas so despite the weather, you grab an umbrella and some boots and head out, patting yourself down for the mandatory keys, wallet, phone check. It's dreary out. In addition to the rain, the season's coming to its long, slow end and bringing with it the cold sort of damp that soaks into everything, the whole world seemingly saturated with the miserable chill. Normally, this is your favorite kind of weather, but lately you've been too dreary yourself to properly enjoy it. So you amble along, unfocused. Unappreciative. Foggy.
Identical brick houses line either side of the street, stretching out around the bends in either direction. The winding of the road lends a claustrophobic feel to the entire city, population density driving houses tall enough to obscure the movement of the sun throughout the day.
It wasn't a bad place all told, but Johnny had chosen it for its proximity to base back when he was still just a young recruit and it had never really felt like your home. There'd been promises, back when the two of you were still engaged, ones you should've known better than to hold him to. Dreams of a house in the country, or talks of moving you out to Scotland. You hadn't been lying when you'd told him you didn't need any of that, but you'd never expected him to interpret that as you being content to live in the same dingy building the rest of your lives. It wasn't really your place to complain about it, though, given it was Johnny's income that paid the bills. You worked as well, though mostly just to keep yourself busy, as Johnny had insisted on your being a stay at home mom for the first few years of your babies' childhood. You weren't sure why you didn't find something more stimulating now, given how many years had come and gone without the man committing to the prospect of children.
It used to hurt, the reneged aspirations. You've gotten used to it.
You're a regular at the shop by now, having lived in the same little apartment for the last five years. The owner greets you as you enter, the little bell above the door chiming as you close your umbrella, tapping it on the doorframe a few times to dislodge any excess droplets.
"How are you now, Mr. Hudson?" you call, making a beeline for the kitchen staples. If there were still good things to be said about your marriage, at least you no longer cringed at convenience store pricing.
"I'm well, yourself?" the old man croaks back politely. He's not doing well, actually, as his wife is wont to tell you anytime she's the one manning the counter, but you think it would be impolite to ask him how his prostate is out of the blue, so you don't call him on it.
Instead, you tell a lie all your own as you set your find in front of the register. "Can't complain."
"What's for dinner, then?" he asks, nodding at the carton.
"Smoked sausage alfredo." Not for the first time, you're grateful Gaz's favorite dish is consistent enough that you regularly have thawed sausage on hand. The last time Simon had saved your husband's skin in the field, Johnny had thought you'd be able to whip up a chicken dish in two hours and you'd had to run half across town for protein.
"Mm," Mr. Hudon hums appreciatively. "Am I invited?"
"May as well be," you laugh, perhaps a little meanly given the poor man isn't in on the joke. You take mercy at his confused look. "My husband's inviting a few friends over. Wasn't expecting to cook for so many people." You weren't expecting to cook for anyone, actually, completely content to rot away with a bag of crisps but that's beside the point.
"Oh, yes… big man? With the… hair?"
"The very same," you grumble, taking your receipt.
"Haven't seen him in a while, how's he been?"
"Well, I gather he almost died recently, but I couldn't tell you much else. Haven't seen him either." The parting smile you give the old man feels rotten on your face. You bid him a good night and wave, scurrying out the door before he can properly respond.
The sight of John standing on your stoop when you return startles you, although you should really be used to his early arrivals by now, as John tends not to linger in the company of his subordinates too long and often finds his own rides to and from base. He's also generally more eager to stop by than your husband is, though you can't think too long about that without feeling like you're going to walk off a pier.
John greets you warmly as he always does, pulling you into a one armed hug as he kisses your cheek. With his free hand, he pulls your umbrella from your grasp, keeping you both under its protective circle as he straightens back up.
You search your pockets for your keys, a good excuse to eye yourself over to be sure you hadn't accidentally worn something inappropriate out of the house. Like hosiery and a big graphic tee that said 'fuck me daddy' or something on it. John always brings out this paranoia in you, that same instinct that has people re-reading work emails to check for porn links four times before hitting send. But with him it's, 'Are you dressed? Is a dildo about to fall out of your shirt sleeve? Did you remember to put your wedding ring on?'
You didn't.
"Hi John. Sorry to keep you waiting. I didn't realize anyone would be in so soon."
"And here I thought I'd be the last to show for once," he counters, grabbing the cream from you and slipping it into the brown paper bag he carries on his hip. Something about his expression darkens minutely when he clarifies, "The boys left base a few hours ago. They still not in?"
Somehow, you don't find this as surprising as you maybe should. "No."
John hums, following after you obediently as you make your way to the lift. Normally, you try to get some exercise in by climbing the stairs, but you don't feel like huffing and puffing your way up with John in tow. Instead, the two of you pile into the small shaft where John does nothing to minimize the width of himself, standing directly by your side instead of slightly behind, squishing you between himself and the mirrored wall. You keep your eyes forward, glued to the metal doors. You can feel his eyes on you, shameless and assessing. Can even see his head turned toward you in the blurry reflection before you. He's always like this when he first gets home, as if he can ascertain how you've been spending the time without your husband's company just by staring a hole through your temple.
Probably, he could.
John's an attentive man. Always has been. So it shouldn't surprise you when he huffs gently and pulls himself to his full height with an air of grim determination. He's gonna ask one of his questions again, you just know it - the kind that leaves you exposed, crawling back to your husband's familiar apathy with renewed appreciation. John draws a breath, you close your eyes, and then the lift dings, doors opening with a rush of air that rivals the relieved breath you take. You step out before John can motion you forward as is his custom, ducking through the door to prevent him saying a word.
Distraction comes with the general din of settling in. John tucks your umbrella away in the tiny entrance closet and brings his bag into the kitchen. You dip quietly back to your bedroom to make yourself more presentable, calling from the bedroom for him to make himself at home. It takes you no time at all to get ready, the casual dresses at the back of your closet all hanging clean and untouched. You check to make sure they've not gone musty before pulling one on and applying some basic makeup. Rotting on the couch hadn't called for mascara, but a houseful of men certainly did.
You blink when you realize the implication of that, smudging the dark product all under your lower lashes. You only resist the urge to roll your eyes at yourself for fear of repeating the process under your brow.
John's in the kitchen when you emerge, sudsing up the dishes from your lunch to your horror. "John! You don't have to do that," you squawk, attempting to shoo him along with fluttering hands, as if he were an overgrown pigeon.
Unflinching. "Of course I don't. Wanted to be helpful but I didn't know what you'd planned for dinner so I couldn't get started on that."
"You didn't have to do anything," you counter, still hoping that your defiant presence at his side would cow him away from the sink.
He just smiles at you, that overly cheeky one that crinkles his eyes charmingly. "Wanted to, love,"
Well, who are you to say no to that?
The two of you slip into companionable silence as you get to work, though you play it up when he completes his task, leaning his hip against the counter with that same intense expression from before. You're not ready for the question, whatever it is. Maybe never will be.
John seems to sense this, changing approach by making a show of unpacking his paper bag, setting the options he's brought for wine out in front of himself. He eyes the ingredients you've assembled carefully, and sets a white bottle aside for dinner before helping himself to the drawer where he knows you keep your corkscrew, popping open a bottle of red as he knows you prefer it. You collect glasses as he does so, watch him warily as he pours you a generous glass. Once he's served you both, he settles into an island stool with an exaggerated air of relaxation.
When he starts, the question is blessedly easy, though you remain on high alert lest he pull some intelligence acquisition maneuver on you before you even see it coming.
"Well, how's it been on the home front?"
You know where it's going. Part of you wants to tell him to fuck off, get out of your house, scream and yell and pin everything on him - for always taking your husband away or for being an impossible standard to hold him to you don't even know. Another part of you just wants to be seen. John's got his arms crossed in such a way to make him impossibly broad, imposing. There'd be no getting past him even if you wanted.
The worst part is, you don't.
"All's well, John, thanks." A lie, despite knowing how you feel, how you want him to force you to talk, crack you open and pry your injuries from you with strong hands, get you back in working order. You both know it.
"You sure? Been looking a little blue of late." It's not judgemental. You remember the old tan line he used to sport on his finger - wide and pale on his weathered hand. It's long gone, a nicely healed wound. He doesn't even worry the space with his thumb anymore, a habit you'd picked up of late, as if the band itself burned. You wonder how long you'll try soothing it once the ring is gone and nearly bite through your tongue when you realize what you'd just thought.
A clatter at the door saves you from answering and you force a smile as you turn to greet Johnny. He roars through the door as is his custom, loud and singular and enigmatic enough to make you forget your qualms when he hoists you into his arms and peppers your face in kisses. "Oh, ah've missed ye, bonnie," he crows, only putting you down when Gaz insists it's his turn.
You're turned about between the two of them, a mess of 'missed you too's, and 'good to see you's, and 'come on in, can I get that for you?' Gaz kisses your cheek, tells you dinner smells lovely despite it barely being comprised of more than its base components yet and you grin at him, letting yourself be charmed through another boisterous night with the boys.
It's not until much later, as you're sending everyone packing with to go containers of extras and squeezing shoulders in parting that you notice your fingers gripped tight around John's bicep, finger conspicuously empty.
Next>>
#get her a dog#this is half baked but i needed to get it out of my head so i could concentrate on haul#captain john price x reader#john soap mactavish x you#captain john price x you#john soap mctavish x reader#pricesoap x reader#fat reader
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Can you write something summer-y for Hotch? Maybe he comes home early from a case and finds Reader and Jack having fun in the pool? Or anything that gives that summer feeling lol
One of the best things about living with Aaron and Jack, aside from getting to live with your favorite people in the world, is the pool.
You didn’t understand why it was such a deal breaker for him since he and Jack barely used the one at his old apartment, until summer rolled around and with it, the heat.
DC’s heatwave would have killed you without a pool.
Jack had jumped in right after soccer day camp and after an hour of cooling off, he finally agreed on coming inside for dinner. The routine is a little more relaxed when Aaron’s away, even more so when it’s summer vacation.
That reason alone is probably why he easily convinced you to get back in the pool after dinner and TV, just before bedtime.
But it’s Friday and wearing him out means he’ll sleep to mid morning Saturday and hopefully it serves as a distraction from him missing his dad. Night time is usually when he misses his dad the most do you do what’s possible to ensure he’s asleep as son as his head his the pillow.
Aaron has echoed the same feeling when you talk to him on the phone, and he definitely has it worse, halfway across the country in Dallas where the weather is switching between thunderstorms and extreme humidity.
“You wanna play Marco Polo?” You ask Jack, distracting yourself from looking at the barbecue and remembering Aaron grilling just before he left.
He splashes some water your way before answering. “Okay, you go first. I’ve been practicing holding my breath though so you’ll lose.”
His identical competitive spirit to Aaron’s doesn’t go unnoticed by you and you grin as you splash some water back.
You cup your hand over your eyes, listening to him splash away from you. “Marco!” You call.
“Polo.” The reply came from a voice far too deep to being to an eight year old and you pull your hands off your eyes to see Aaron standing by the pool’s edge.
“Daddy!” Jack exclaims, jumping out of the pool and running over to hug Aaron. He’s soaking wet, dripping with chlorinated water, but Aaron don’t hesitate to hug him. He shed his jacket and tie, but you’re not sure how he’s coping with how hot it is in a long sleeve shirt and dress pants.
“Hey, bud.” Aaron greets him. “What are you doing up at…” He pauses to check the time on his watch, eyes darting to you still in the pool. “…8:42.”
You give Aaron your best puppy dog eyes, although you know he’s not mad. “Swimming, duh.” Jack replies, sassy as always.
You bite back a chuckle as Aaron does the same thing. “Yeah, I gathered that.” He says.
“Come in.” Jack insists. “You have to.”
“It’s late and you should probably be in bed already.” Aaron says, taking the firm line like you expected he would.
It’s okay though because you have a plan. “Can you give me a hand up?” You ask, swimming to the edge and holding your hand out.
Aaron frowns slightly, but he’s too excited to see you to ask why you won’t use the stairs. “Sure.” He reaches out to grab your hand but you pull hard, overpowering him easily since he doesn’t expect it.
You quickly swim out of the way, and he lands in the pool behind you, yelping- hilariously- when he hits the water.
Jack’s laughing with you, thoroughly amused by your mischief and enjoying seeing his professionally dressed dad in the pool.
When Aaron surfaces, he’s failing too glare at you. He’d fully commit to the bit of being annoyed if he wasn’t smiling so widely.
“You’re naughty.” Aaron says, waggling his finger at you.
You swim closer to him, brushing some hair off his forehead. “Welcome home.”
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#criminal minds#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotchner blurb#aaron hotchner fic
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No More Hiding
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.1k
Warnings: minor angst, fluff
Summary: After a night of bonding, you and Bucky start the relationship of your dreams. However, you have to hide it from the one person you really want to tell: your twin brother.
Square Filled: confession in a desperate situation (2023) for @buckybingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3
x
There are ups and downs to living in a different state from the one you grew up in. The second you and your twin brother got enough money to move out, you did. You two did everything together growing up so it made sense to move out when he did. He moved because of his job in the Army while you moved to be with him. Your job is remote so you can work anywhere, so it wasn’t a big deal to pack up your life and follow Steve across the country.
The West Coast is so much more different than the East Coast. Warmer weather, colder oceans, and lots and lots of mountains. It’s a nice change from the snow and the humidity, but there’s nothing like home. Your parents are still living in New York, and as much as you FaceTime them, it’s not the same as being there with them.
It would explain why you feel so homesick. Your mom was just telling you that Shelly, one of her neighbors, found out she was free of cancer so she’s throwing a small party for the neighborhood. You were there when she was diagnosed, and you were often the one to help her with the small tasks when her kids couldn’t be there for her.
You and Steve don’t live together but you do live three blocks away from each other. If you want to, you can see him any time you want. He’s stationed in the state of California, so he gets to go home every night and get some weekends to himself, so you hope he’ll be home. Just seeing Steve makes you feel better, so you start the trek to his apartment.
You opt out of driving there for two reasons. The weather is nice and you can use the walk to clear your head. Plus, it’s not far anyway. You and Steve pop by each other’s place all the time so you’re not worried about interrupting anything he’s doing. If he has something important to do, he texts you just in case you plan on coming over.
You knock on the door when you get to his apartment and wait. When the door opens, it’s not Steve but his best friend, Bucky, who is also in the Army. He got injured so he was granted medical leave to recover.
“Oh, hey. Is Steve home?”
“No, he’s out on a date right now and probably won’t be home until tomorrow morning.”
“Oh.” Realization comes over your face and you scrunch in disgust. “Oh.” You sigh and try to will the tears away. “Okay.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, but I just… I had a really bad day and I’m homesick. I was hoping Steve was here because he makes everything better when I get like this. It’s fine. I can go.”
You turn but Bucky stops you.
“Don’t be silly. I’m not Steve but I am company. Want to come in and watch a movie?”
It beats being alone right now. “Sure. Thank you.”
You walk in and find a home on his comfortable couch while Bucky makes two bags of popcorn. You like all kinds of movies so Bucky puts on a comedy to get your mind off family. Before you know it, the popcorn is gone and the movie is over with.
“Thank you for that, Bucky. I’m feeling a little bit better,” you smile.
“Good. I’m glad.”
“I remember when this movie came out in theaters. Steve and I were broke so we broke into the theater and snuck into the movie. We got about halfway through the movie when we were caught, so we booked it out of there so fast before they could call the cops.”
“That sounds like Steve,” Bucky laughs.
“Yeah.” You bite your lower lip and turn to face him. “So, why are you home alone on a Friday night? Where’s your date?”
“Eh, dating isn’t really my scene. I don’t know. The last girl I dated just up and left me without warning. Like she moved away and blocked me on everything. I was never good at the dating stuff, anyway.”
“Yeah, me, too. The last boyfriend I had was so boring. He never did anything spontaneous. I was as good as dead if I stayed in that relationship.”
Bucky looks at the time and chuckles. “Well, we can either watch another movie or I have some board games in my room.”
“Oh, I’m a master at board games.”
“We’ll see about that,” he laughs.
He leaves and comes back with all kinds of board games ranging from Monopoly to Heads Up to Battleship to Uno. You lose track of time until you stretch out your stiff muscles. You look at the time and do a double-take when you see how late it is.
“Holy shit, it’s four in the morning. Wow. Time really does fly when I’m kicking your ass at Uno.” He can’t help but laugh. “I should get home.”
“Did you drive?”
“No, I walked, but it’s fine. I’ll walk back. I don’t mind.” Bucky gets up and he grabs his jacket from the coat hanger on the closet door. “What are you doing?”
“I’m coming with you.” You open your mouth to protest but he won’t hear about it. “Y/N, it’s four in the morning. I don’t care if you live across the street. You’re not walking out there alone in the middle of the night. Come on.”
Despite making it to Steve’s apartment in thirty minutes, you and Bucky make the walk back in fifty. You two just don’t want this night to end.
“Thank you for walking me home.”
“No problem.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. I still want a rematch on Battleship.”
You turn to leave but Bucky stops you in your tracks.
“Can I kiss you?”
You turn to him. “What?”
Bucky suddenly grows shy and rubs the back of his neck nervously. “I’m not very good at this part but can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” you smile.
Bucky takes two strides to you and he’s in your arms. He pulls you in gently by your face and kisses you like you two haven’t seen each other in months. The second you touch, sparks fly. It might be cliche but you’ve never felt a connection like this before. This is where you belong.
Steve is so overprotective of you, so you’re not sure how he will react to you and Bucky starting a relationship together, so you’ve decided to keep it on the down low for right now. A few weeks of stolen kisses and moments go by when Steve and Bucky are home together for the first time in days. Bucky’s injury healed itself so he was able to go back to work with Steve. He isn’t able to do rigorous work so his workload is light right now.
“Just so you know, I’ll be at Erika’s house tonight. We’re getting a hotel that’s attached to a water park,” Steve says once he’s done packing.
“So, you’ll be gone all weekend?”
“Yeah.”
Bucky takes out his phone while Steve’s talking to text you.
Bucky: Steve is out all weekend. Want to come over?
You: Hell yeah. I’ll be over soon.
“Did you hear anything I said, Buck?”
Bucky looks up like a deer in headlights. “What?”
“I said Y/N might be over. She’s been feeling a bit homesick, and I hope you can keep her company. I worry about her.”
“Yeah, you got it.”
“Thanks, Buck. It means a lot. Oh, don’t forget to ask about this summer.”
“Okay.”
Five minutes after Steve leaves, you arrive at their apartment with a bag in hand. You don’t plan on leaving this place until Steve comes back. It’s been days since you’ve seen him and you’re Bucky-deprived. You jump into his arms and kiss him, and he carries you to the couch with ease. Bucky already has a movie playing but you two don’t do much watching.
You’re in his lap making out with him. He runs his hands over your thighs as his lips move over your neck. You pull his face back to yours so you can kiss him properly when you hear an explosion happening on the TV screen.
“You put this movie on so we can watch it,” you giggle against his lips.
“I got distracted by you.” You laugh and slide off his lap. “Hey, I still have to work it out with my job, but Steve and I are planning on taking a week’s vacation on his girlfriend’s yacht in the summer. Want to come?”
“Ooh, fancy. I’d love to.” You pause. “Wait, what about Steve?”
“What about him?”
“Come on, you know he’d kill you if he found out we were dating.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do. He’s my twin. I’ve never kept secrets from him. He’ll be so mad.”
“Then we don’t go.”
“No, he’s your best friend and you deserve a vacation. Yeah, we’re going to go. It’ll be fun. It’s going to be fine,” you smile and quickly kiss him.
With Bucky and Steve going to work day in and day out, time flies by. Before you know it, the summer is here and you and Bucky have been hiding your relationship from your brother for nearly half a year. Being with Bucky makes you feel alive. He makes you feel good about yourself. He’s spontaneous.
Erika’s family owns two yachts and allowed her to bring a small party onto one of them. She is an experienced sailor but you don’t go far from the docks, only far enough not to bother anyone. She invited a few of her friends and Steve invited you and Bucky. You’ve never been on a boat much less a yacht, and you’re loving every single second of it.
Except for one thing.
Steve is here which means you can’t love Bucky in the way you want to. Bucky is getting pissed that you keep avoiding him whenever Steve is around. All he wants is to love his girl and he can’t do that because you’re scared Steve will kill him.
You sneak downstairs to the kitchen to grab a snack when Bucky comes in.
“This is driving me crazy. We have to tell Steve.”
“Bucky, we’ve been over this.”
“Y/N, it’s been six months. I’m sick of sneaking around.”
He has a point. You’d feel the same if the situation was reversed. Sneaking around was fun at first but now, all it is is a hindrance.
“I guess we can kiss in front of him. If he gets angry, we can say it was a joke or something.” Bucky scoffs, and you drop the knife a little harder than you should have. “What do you want me to do, Bucky?”
“Nothing.”
He turns and leaves, and you feel worse than you already do. After the sun has gone down, everyone is gathered around the small raised firepit. Out of the ten people on board, there are only two couples. Well, three if you weren't so chicken. You’re sitting with one of Erika’s friends half-listening to her talk about her rich-people problems while Bucky is sitting across from you with a beer in hand. Steve is with Erika being all lovey-dovey, and you can see the pot just about to boil over for Bucky.
Erika giggles and Bucky explodes.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Bucky says and stands.
“What are you doing?” you ask and stand, too.
“This.”
Bucky storms over to you and pulls you into his arms. He kisses you like how he should have been doing this entire trip. Steve does a double take when he sees his sister and best friend kissing, and he jumps up from his spot.
“Hey!” Steve pulls Bucky off you. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“She’s my sister!”
“What is it that I’m doing wrong, Steve? Am I a bad best friend?”
“No--”
“Do I treat women poorly?”
“Well, no, but--”
“Give me one good reason why I can’t be with your sister.”
“What if it ends badly? I’d have to choose between you two.”
“It won’t go wrong.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’m in love with her.”
“What?” you ask.
Bucky turns and walks closer to you. “I’m in love with you. Like, I see ourselves having a big white house with a picket fence and five dogs and three horses and chickens and cows and all kinds of animals. I fell in love with you the first time I kissed you. You are my person. Am I yours?”
Everyone is silent as they wait for your response. You smile brightly and try to hide it but it comes out anyway.
“I’m in love with you.”
Bucky pulls you close and kisses you. This time, a round of cheers goes by. You’re done hiding from the world. Bucky is yours and you are his.
“I guess Bucky isn’t a bad choice for a boyfriend,” Steve says when you part.
“I think so, too,” you grin at your boyfriend.
x
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#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes fiction#bucky barnes fan fiction#bucky barnes fan fic#marvel fan fiction#marvel fic#marvel fanfic#marvel fan fic#marvel fanfiction#mcu#marvel fluff#marvel fiction#mcu fanfiction#marvel#marvel angst
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FOR SOME REASON THE REQ WON’T WORK TOO POST SO I HAD TO SCREENSHOT
𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ²⁰²⁴
Morning light comes in softly through the curtains. James shifts beside me. His deep sighs are a murmur. It's Father's Day, yet we're having one of those rare lazy mornings, no plans, no rush. Just the quiet of the house around us. I can tell he's relaxed, yet there’s this heaviness in his breathing.
He eventually rolls onto his side, the slightest of smiles on his lips, and turns to me. "Feels weird not having the kids around," he says dreamily, in a far off voice. I reach over and give a light massage of my fingers down his arm, catching the familiar coarseness of his skin as my fingers trace his tattoos.
"They're grown up," I say softly. "Living their own lives now.”
He nods, but his eyes stray away. I can tell he drifts off into memories, and a soft sadness settles in his eyes. He gazes down at the bedspread, fidgeting with the fabric. "I remember when they were just little… when they'd call me daddy and look at me like I was some kinda hero..."
I give his arm a gentle squeeze. "You were their hero. Still are."
He chuckles, but it's bittersweet, his eyes still filled with memories. "You remember the twins' first steps? They both walked on the same day. Held onto each other for balance. Stumbling all over the place."
I smile, remembering the scene. "I remember. They were determined, even back then.”
Sighing, he lets his eyes wander to the ceiling. "They used to run for us in everything, scraped knees, broken toys… they crawled into my lap, and everything was aright." He goes silent, his face softens, with a sadness only a father knows as he reflects on how fast time has flown by.
"They loved having you there, James," I reply, hope that he can feel the weight of my words as much as he hears them. "They knew you'd always make things better."
James sighs, glancing down at our hands intertwined on the bed. “It’s crazy, y’know?” he says. “Kirk just had a baby. Here I am, turning 61, and he’s starting all over again.”
I can see the thoughts in his mind. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles slowly, lost in it all. “I mean, I’m happy for him. Really am. But it’s got me thinking… what it would be like to go through that again.”
He exhales hard, his shoulders sag just a little. "Sometimes, I wonder if I did enough… if I was around enough. The tours, the nights in the studio… did I miss too much?"
I know he's being hard on himself, as always, when it comes to the kids. "They turned out incredible," I gently remind him. "Our girls and strong and independent, and our boy is so kind hearted and smart. You did plenty, my love.”
He stares out the window, his eyes misty, and nods slowly. "Remember when he first rode his bike? The way he yelled, 'Look, Dad!'… I swear, I thought my heart would stop."
I chuckle softly. "You were so proud. You couldn't stop talking about it for days.”
He laughs though there's a sadness to it. "Feels like that was just yesterday… and now he's halfway across the country, doing his own thing." His voice trails off, and he swallows. "I thought I'd be ready for this. But I miss them. I miss those little versions of them.”
I turn to him, brushing a hand over his weathered cheek. "James, they wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for you. You were there when it mattered. You were the one they ran to, the one they looked up to."
He blinks, his eyes softening as he looks at me. "You really think I did okay?
I smile and nod. "More than okay. You gave them the love and the strength they needed. You showed them what it means to work hard and care."
He leans into my touch, closing his eyes for a moment. "I just keep thinking about those days… when they'd sneak into our bed at night and snuggle up, and everything felt… complete. It was simple, y'know?”
“Life was simple," I agree, a little wistful myself. "But it's because of those days that they have the lives they do now. They grew up safe, happy, and loved. And you're a big reason why."
His fingers interlace with mine again, holding on a little tighter. "It just feels like it went by in a flash.”
"Time's funny that way," I murmur. "But look at them now. Our girls are thriving, and our boy is doin’ so well. They're good people, James. You should be proud."
He looks at me then. "I am. But it still hurts, y'know? Letting go. Knowing they don't need me like they used to."
"They're going to always need you," I say firmly, stroking his hand with mine. "Maybe not the same way, but you're always going to be their dad. That never changes."
He seems to let go of some of the sadness now. "You're right. It's just so hard. I want to go back. For even one day. To hear them laugh, to feel their small hands...”
I lean over, resting my head against his shoulder. "They'll come visit soon, and until then, we make the most of the time we have together. You and me."
James wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. "Thank you. For everything… for our beautiful children."
I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his hug. "Always, James. You’re a great father, and the kids know that. That's what matters.”
#mustainegf#fanfiction#fanfic#metallica#reqs open#request#metallica fanfiction#metallica x reader#metallica fluff#james hetfield#james hetfield x you#james hetfield x oc#james hetfield fluff#james hetfield x reader#james hetfield imagines#james hetfield fic#james hetfield fanfiction#metallica oneshot#metallica au#metallica imagines
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He Knows - Simon "Ghost" Riley Pt. 24
An: This is it!
Word count: 2134
Warnings: none :)
The curtains in my living room window look different than I remember them last. Like someone moved them ever so slightly to see a better angle of my driveway. I sit here now, the car in park, but still humming with life because half of me believes if I turn it off now, I’ll foreshadow my own death.
The other half of me considers the advice from an online therapy forum I read a few weeks ago. Advice I doubt is from a real medical professional or has been proven to be true. Advice that should be prescribed in person and by a real therapist: The chances of a “once in a lifetime” event happening more than once in your life are so slim it isn’t worth worrying about it happening again.
Sometimes it’s enough to ease my mind, but not tonight.
However, with a deep breath and a certain heaviness settling on my shoulders, I twist the fob and observe the silence that falls over the car as the radio shuts off and the cool air vanishes.
By all means it’s a beautiful evening. The sun is setting and a sweet floral breeze brushes the hair off my shoulders. It’s an early start to the season with the crocuses done blooming and the lilacs having already started. The house I rent is in a small southern town occupied mostly by the elderly and a few young families who wanted to escape city life. Children are expected to be home right around now. It’s a safe community where most people are comfortable occasionally forgetting to lock their doors, or they simply don’t bother to begin with. I will never be one of those people. There’s a reason I had to change my name and move halfway across the country. Once you enter the protection program, there is no forgetting to lock your doors.
My hand clenches around the switchblade as I step through the side door. Inside, it’s quiet and the room takes on the golden hour’s warm glow. I walk through the house, sparing a quick glance inside each mostly empty room. Nothing stands out.
As I approach the kitchen, the tension in my back starts to ease. The bag drops off my shoulders and onto the table. I set the knife on the vinyl countertop and flick the kettle on. See? Nothing to worry about. It’s nice enough to take my drink out on the back porch and watch the rest of the sunset.
My attention switches once again to the vibrant sky out the window before I tear myself from the sight for a tea bag and a mug. The rumble of the water grows, yet when I hear the click indicating it should shut off, it doesn’t. It hasn’t even boiled yet. My breath catches in my chest as I freeze in my tracks, still facing the pantry. That wasn’t the kettle at all. It wasn’t the fan in the room over or some other appliance coming to life. That distinct sound, that click, belongs to one thing and one thing only. That was the safety taken off a handgun.
My knife is out of reach, still on the counter. I glance for anything I could use to defend myself in the pantry, but there’s nothing but boxes of cereal and cans of soup.
“I figured this would happen at some point,” I say to the figure in the corner of my eye, pointing the gun. “You people don’t tend to leave loose ends.”
“We don’t,” the dreadfully familiar voice confirms. I was hoping to never hear from him again. Especially not in these circumstances. His tone holds the same seriousness as the last time we spoke, after my father’s death. He told me then that I’d be lucky to never see him again.
I’m still not sure I understand what that means. Maybe I’m about to find out. For some reason, I don’t feel nervous. I’m ready to accept my fate.
Nothing’s felt real the last several months. My life has been stuck in limbo and despite my futile attempts, I’ve been unable to find any sort of meaning. Everything feels hopeless in the grander scheme of things. So if he’s come to take my life, I might even welcome it.
“Good thing you’re not a loose end,” Captain Price spares a small smile as he steps out further from the corner. Had I passed him on the street, I don’t know that I’d recognize him. From his worn jeans to his black windbreaker, the man completely blends in as a civilian.
“Put the gun away and I’ll try to believe you,” Price tilts his head to consider, then nods. The weapon slides easily back into its holster. It’s not like he’d need it anyway. I’m not exactly a formidable opponent.
“Fair enough,” his attention drifts to the box of Earl Grey in my hands. “Are you making tea?”
“Want a cup?” I offer, sliding the lid off the box.
“I would. It was a long trip to get here,” I know what he’s talking about. The few hundred people that live here, chose this place because its hours away from any of the neighbouring cities. People come here to get away from the city life. It has the bare necessities and that’s all they need.
“It’s a long trip to anywhere down here,” my voice feels empty. Void of the passion and desperation that once fueled every decision. Steaming water covers the teabags and fills the cups. “Milk or sugar?”
“Black is fine, thanks,” Price grunts as he settles into a chair at the kitchen table. In the time I’ve been here, I’ve used the table maybe twice. “Do you like it? The peace and quiet?” he muses.
“It’s different than New York,” I hesitantly offer as I set the cups down and take the seat across from him.
“Ah, but do you like it?” Our eyes meet and he knows the answer. “I didn’t think you would. You took well to the chaos of our world. Despite having no former training, you adapted in a way that most couldn’t,” I didn’t realize Price paid that much attention to me. I always assumed he was too preoccupied with the rats and the Russians.
The sweet tea dampens my dry mouth. I take a second sip to buy myself more time. What kind of answer is he looking for? Why is he here of all places? “I always like the business of New York. I guess that’s one thing I found similar between it and 141,” he ponders my response for a moment and a heavy silence blankets the room.
“Do you miss it?” his question feels redundant. Price has had the time and practice to become more patient than I will ever be.
“Yes – look as much fun as I’m having here, you know with you breaking into my house, pointing a gun at me, and drinking my tea. Why the hell are you here, Captain?”
“I’m here to offer you a job,” I blink. A job? There’s no way they want to hire me after what I did. How can they possibly look over the fact that I killed one of their highest-ranking prisoners before they could get any information from him?
“What kind of job?”
“Well I was thinking in our translations department,” Price says. “You’re fluent and have prior experience in this setting. And your history with the Ultranationalists gives you an edge. You also held your own incredibly well last time with no formal training. Give it a couple of months and you will become incredibly valuable to our team.”
Once the shock wears off, I’m almost flattered by his last comment. That’s high praise coming from Price. However, I’m also slightly amused. There’s no way he genuinely expects me to say yes. Does he really believe I’d just drop everything and work for 141? Surely not.
Yet, what is there to drop? My admin job at the town office and the zero friends I’ve made since moving to this place? The only people I talk to are those I work with and they aren’t allowed to know any real information about me or I risk exposing my true identity. Everyone I once knew back home is off-limits. If they knew I was alive, I would be in even more danger than I was before. Even my mother doesn’t know of my existence. I was dead to her as soon as I killed my father. She would never want to talk to me again. She might even give up my location to the Ultranationalists herself.
Then there’s how I left things with Ghost. The last time I saw him, I was in a pool of my father’s blood. I don’t want to think about how much trouble he got in from letting that happen.
“I don’t know that your head interrogator wants anything to do with me,” I say assuming he doesn’t know Ghost willingly gave me the knife I used to kill my father.
“Whys that?” he says with raised brows as though he’s clueless. Price plays the role well, however he’s anything but.
“I lied to him and used him to get to my father. I’m a thief and a murderer.”
“Those were extreme circumstances, y/n.”
“If I work for you there will always be extreme circumstances,” I respond. “What makes you think you can trust me anyway? I betrayed you all.”
Price shifts in his chair. He takes a moment and gets a real good look at me, like he’s making sure. The shadows around his face have changed slightly. The sun’s gone now, but a fading blue hue falls over the horizon.
The windows are closed, but even if they were cracked, you wouldn’t hear any outside noise. This town is uncomfortably quiet. The wood creaks as Price leans forward again. “Time after time, y/n, you had almost every opportunity to betray us. There were the interviews, the ambush, the rats, the exchange, and even the death of your father. His killing was not a betrayal. None of the information he had would have made a difference,” Price’s list stirs unsettling memories. He notices and adds, “The only betrayal was that of a father to a daughter. You deserved better: loyalty, trust, truth, to be wanted.”
That last word finally cracks something in me. My heart falters and I take a sip of tea in an attempt to hide the effect of his words.
“Yeah, well…” the words trail off. I’ve got nothing else to say.
Something scuffs along the floor in a room over. Had there been any other noise I wouldn’t have noticed it. The sound was unmistakably human. Like someone was leaning against the wall and could no longer wait. I thought I cleared the rooms, but I was already wrong once. Nothing else follows for almost a minute until the floorboards whisper at the edge of the room. My head turns just as the shadow emerges around the dim corner.
“We want you, y/n,” Simon Riley’s coarse voice fills the room. When our eyes meet, I forget how to breathe. My joints stiffen and my feet turn to lead. His demanding presence completely fills the room and even in civilian clothes, Ghost looks like he belongs on a battlefield.
For a moment it truly feels like I am looking at a ghost, at someone who was as good as dead to me. Someone who, an hour ago, I would have guaranteed I would never see or hear of again.
All the memories I’d been trying to forget over these past months begin to surface. I remember the heat of his rough hands on my skin and the pressure of his arms wrapped around me. The brush of his breath past my ears and down my neck. The stability he provided when my whole world was collapsing around me. The way he risked his life for mine countless times. The way he trusted me to make the ultimate decision when it came to my father and my future. He has always wanted me. He has always chosen me. Now, it's my turn to choose.
Nothing has been the same after learning about the Ultranationalists. It’s impossible to be happy when you know the truth. Part of me feels responsible for the horrible things my father has done. I also know I will never be content here. I can’t keep hiding, but I can help. I can work to remedy the evil that has corrupted my family.
“Do you want tea?”
The end, for now. Thank you for the kind words and support throughout this story. If you are a returning reader, thank you for your patience.
#simon riley#cod ghost#ghost imagine#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#he knows#final part#completed#cod
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Slice Of Normal
Summary: The reader has just moved to Montana to live with her estranged father and out of a place where she no longer feels welcome. But it's been a long time since the pair have lived together and while Beau might think things can slip back to normal, it's not quite that easy...
Pairing: dad!Beau x daughter!reader
Word Count: 5,000ish
Warnings: language, family angst, divorce, mention of murder case
A/N: Here's a little Beau and daughter!reader for the first time!
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“Hey, kiddo,” said your dad as you tossed your backpack in the backseat. “How was school?”
“Fine,” you forced out, pilling into the front, glaring out the windshield. You felt his heated stare but he dropped it, pulling out of the line of cars at pick up and heading for home. He tapped his fingers against the wheel, words clearly on the tip of his tongue. But once again he didn’t say anything.
Sometimes it was like living with a damn stranger.
Two years ago, life was normal. Your parents were married. Dad had a good job as a cop. Mom was doing her consulting. Every day you went home to two parents. You had the same friends you had your whole life. You got a starbucks with your mom every Saturday morning and you made homemade pizzas for dinner. You watched trash reality shows with your dad and you’d both get way too invested in the petty drama. It was all perfectly normal.
Until he went to work one day and it went to hell. Dad’s partner was killed and he blamed himself for not stopping it. He was…strange after that. He still asked about school and your day, still watched your shitty shows with you. But there was no joy in him. He felt guilty and dad wasn’t much of one for sharing his own feelings. You knew he’d get better with time.
That’s when things got strange with mom too. She started to pick fights with him. She kept trying to force him to go to some expensive trauma therapist. All three of you knew he was hurting but she was the only one that said he was broken. You’d never forget the look on his face when she barked it at him in a fight.
Watching one parent fall out of love with another in front of your own eyes was your own strange experience. You knew in that moment she’d left a mark on him, one that’d make him shutdown even more, hold even more feelings back from her. There’d be more fights. More snide comments. She’d get fed up and divorce him.
Four months after the shootout, she handed him the divorce papers and a flip switched in him. He started to fight back, the both of them bickering and arguing so much you found yourself storming downstairs and yelling at them both to act like adults. Dad moved out not long after that and within a month mom had a new boyfriend.
You stuck it out until last week before you knew you’d go crazy if you stayed in that house, your house, with her and that guy for one more second.
Which meant moving halfway across the country to fucking Montana to live with a guy you hadn’t seen in person in six months.
“Mom’s marrying her boyfriend,” you said when he stopped at a red light. You didn’t look at him, sure he once again didn’t know what to say. “That’s why I wanted to move here. He doesn’t give two shits about me but he fakes it real good when she’s around.”
“Your mother should know-”
“She doesn’t listen to me when I try to talk and I’m sick of it. I know you know she’s like that,” you said, turning your head. He glanced down, gaze back on the road. “She’s a bitch.”
“Hey. Don’t talk about your mother like that.”
“Why not?” you scoffed. “She is one. You of all people know she is.”
“Mom is not a bitch,” he said, hitting the gas when the light turned, getting you off a busy street and heading for the outskirts of town. “Y/N, we raised you better than to call people names.”
“You’re defending her? You? She only drove you out of your own home, own family.” He gripped the wheel tighter, clenching his jaw. “Jesus christ. You still love her, don’t you. Why the hell would-”
“I am the reason…I moved out and I left. I refused to acknowledge the shit going on in my head and all mom tried to do was get me help. Do not blame her for-”
“Bullshit,” you scoffed. “I’d get out of her ass if I were you. Some other guy is fucking it now and she’s never taking you back.”
He pulled over fast, shaking his head at you. His green eyes narrowed, mouth opening just as his car radio crackled to life.
“Arlen,” he growled into the radio, frowning at you, a clear message to not say another word right now.
“Chief we got reports of a murder-suicide at the Breckenridge Ranch. Jenny and Pop are taking lead but are requesting your presence,” said a woman’s voice on the other end.
“I’ll be there in twenty.” He clipped the radio back in, taking a deep breath. “Y/N you are going to listen to me and I mean listen to me because I am about to have a very long night and we are not dropping this discussion. I don’t care for the way you speak and I do not like the way you talk about your mom. You don’t like her boyfriend, fiance, fine. But you’ll at least respect him. You don’t like you mother? Then at a minimum you will respect her. You do not call people bitch. You are grounded until further notice.”
“Wow,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I’m on your side and I’m the asshole. My old dad would have understood that but you? I don’t know who the fuck you are. Go ahead and ground me. I literally don’t care. You’re a fucking stranger.”
He was pissed. Very pissed. He turned back on the road and did a u-turn, heading back into town. You raised an eyebrow but he held up a finger. “No. You want to swear at me? Call me a stranger? Fine. I’m going to work. You’re a big enough girl to have a potty mouth then you don’t mind a little murder scene, hmm? You want to know what the fuck I do all day? Well now’s your chance to see, maybe I’ll be less of a damn stranger that way.”
You kept quiet, staring out the window for the next twenty minutes. You swallowed when he drove past a cruiser at the ranch entrance and yellow tape, driving silently down the dirt road.
“Stay in the truck,” he said when he parked behind another cruiser outside a nearby barn. You bit the inside of your lip, hearing him shift around behind you. A few seconds later you had your backpack in your lap. “Do your homework.”
“I thought you wanted me to see dead bodies,” you mumbled, fisting one of the straps. His heavy sigh filled the space, a twinge of guilt in your gut.
“I never want that for you. We’ll get dinner out somewhere in a few hours. We need to talk. Not fight. Talk,” he said, pausing a beat before opening his door.
“Why didn’t you take me home?” you asked. He slid out, his shoulders sagging with his back to you.
“Because I’m scared you won’t be there when I get back.” He turned around, plucking his hat from the center console. You stared at him as he frowned. “I know you ran away from home two weeks ago, kid. We are not letting that happen again. Understand?”
You gave a small nod, the door closing loudly in the small space before you shut your eyes.
Maybe you should have just stayed in Texas.
Three Hours Later
You’d finished your homework awhile ago and were watching videos on your phone when you saw your dad approach the truck. He said something to a blonde cop lady and another guy, giving them a quick wave.
“Sorry it took so long,” he said, back in the truck, tossing his hat in the back.
“S’fine.” He was backed out and heading for the road quickly, rubbing his hand against his jaw. “Are you okay?”
“Me? Yeah. Why?”
“You were at a murder scene…” you said, catching a quick twitch of his lip. “Do dead bodies not scare you?”
“Not really. Sometimes you see bad things but a vast majority of the time, murders are…” he bit his bottom lip, shaking his head. “There are scenes that are gruesome but most murders are not something out of a horror film, at least to me. You get desensitized to it somewhat. Even the bad ones, it doesn’t tend to bother me. They were a person and unfortunately they lost their life in a violent way. My job is to act on their behalf and get them the justice they deserve. They aren’t scary bodies. It’s a soul that’s gone that I can help is the way I look at it.”
He cleared his throat as he pulled back onto the road.
“But Helena is much safer than Houston. Not as many murders or any of that.” You hummed, glancing out the window. “Y/N, I know you’re upset with me right now but I want you to be careful. Something is…happening. I don’t know what it is but be careful. No going out at night alone. Keep the doors and windows locked all the time. Be smart, alright?”
“Ok,” you said quietly. “That wasn’t a murder-suicide, was it.”
“It was a very good attempt at making it look like one. If my officers weren’t as good at their jobs, they would have written it up as one instead of what it was. A double murder. My gut says it wasn’t random though which means it’s less likely anyone else winds up hurt.”
“S’good,” you mumbled before the air went quiet. He only tapped the steering wheel, no rhythm to it. Tap tap. Tap tap.
He had no problem talking about work since you’d moved in a week ago. God, the first day he’d talked too much, trying to fill the awkward silences. Maybe he’d been gone too long and this is what your relationship was now.
You closed your eyes, resting your head on the glass, wishing he’d never left in the first place.
You jerked and flashed open your eyes when he shook your shoulder. The inside of the truck smelled like grease and the brown bag on the dash confirmed your suspicions. He nodded out the window and you turned, finding you were at a fairly deserted park. You left your backpack behind and crawled out, walking over to the nearest picnic table. A moment later he was sat across from you, pulling out a box of chicken nuggets, fries and two packets of sauce.
“Thanks,” you said quietly, taking the food from him as he took out a bigger box and more fries for himself.
“Well, I figured your McDonald’s go to hadn’t changed at least.” You shrugged, the two of you eating without saying another word. But it didn’t last, the food soon gone, the trash bundled up and tossed in a nearby can.
Your dad sighed when he returned to his seat, resting his forearms against the faded wood top.
“Y/N. I…I left you and mom. If there’s anyone you should hate-”
“Why do you keep lying for her?” you interrupted. He swallowed thickly, breathing out a slow breath. “You left because she tossed you out. You didn’t leave because you wanted to.”
“...She had every right to.” You rolled your eyes, his hand raising. “Please. Just listen. Mom tried to get me help and I was the one that was an asshole about it. I blamed myself, I still do. She did what you’re supposed to for a partner. I pushed her away and us not being together anymore is because of me.”
You shook your head, a frown forming on his face. “I lived in that house too. I know you or at least I used to. I knew you were hurting and we couldn’t fix it. But I got that. It was something you had to go through, at your pace. You did the same thing when grandpa died. You got all quiet and pushed it down. And mom…she was a bitch back then too and tried to force you to get better faster all because she didn’t like having a grieving husband. You are supposed to help your partner, not hurt them more. Your problem has always been that you’re too in love with her to see that she hurts you. Just for one second imagine that was my husband that did that to me. Imagine he tried to force me into therapy less than a week after my best friend died because I was fucking sad and didn’t want to talk about it. Imagine my partner made me feel even worse and like I was the problem during one of the lowest moments of my life. Imagine that he was the one that made me feel like all of it was my fault when I was grieving. You’d tell me to leave his ass so I’m asking you to please, please stop defending her. I’m not a little kid anymore, dad.”
“No, you’re clearly not,” he said quietly, staring down at his lap. “I just don’t want you to hate your mother. Her heart was in the right place, even if that’s not how I process things.”
“I don’t hate her. I just don’t like her anymore. I told her so many times I didn’t like her boyfriend and she wouldn’t listen to me. You would have listened to me. S’why I ran away. I was trying to come here.”
He pursed his lips and you waited, giving him time to respond the way he wanted to.
“I wish…I wish mom and I had handled things differently. But what happened, happened. I would like to see you attempt to reconcile with your mom but I won’t force it.”
“Thank you,” you said, a quick nod coming from him.
“But…you are also a bit thick headed.” You frowned. “I know you are a teenager and dad isn’t the cool guy anymore but I reached out every single day and you definitely didn’t answer. I invited you to visit so many times and you never would. So cut your mom some slack because if you’re giving me that treatment, I can only imagine it’s the same for her.”
“Fine,” you grit out, trying to ignore how he may have had a point about why your relationship had soured. You sort of started ignoring him but you’d been busy and he needed space to work through his crap, hadn’t he?
“And for the record, it’s possible to still love someone but not want to be married to them ever again.” You stared at him, his shoulders sagging. “I don’t want to deal with an attitude all the time and you don’t want me to be a grump that hounds you every day. Can we try a clean slate? Pretend this afternoon didn’t happen?”
“Alright. We can try.”
The Next Day
You rubbed your jaw as you sat on the hard bench outside of the principal’s office. You had to hand it to Mara Hoyt. The little bitch knew how to throw a right hook. You guess that’s what happened when the star softball pitcher decided she hated your guts all because her boyfriend said hi to you on your first day.
On her own, you could have handled that. But this school was cliche central and the mean popular girl got all her mean popular friends to start bullying you after that. You were honestly surprised it took a whole eight days for things to get physical.
She was already in the office with her parents, crying the blues about how awful you were and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Shit, you hadn’t even touched the girl yet you were the one the school resource officer threw a pair of cuffs on.
The sharp skid of a rubber sole against linoleum made both you and the officer turn your heads, your dad staring at you both wide eyed.
“Todd, get those cuffs of her or so help me,” growled your dad, storming over.
“Sir? What are you-”
“How many Arlen’s do you think there are in this town? That’s my daughter,” he grit out. Todd moved at lightning speed the second he had the keys out of his pocket, apologizing to his boss and not you. You had to fight to not roll your eyes. You had a feeling with the way your dad’s face looked murderous that wouldn’t go over well.
“Excuse me,” said the vice principal, coming out to the hall with a stern expression. “Why is she uncuffed? She attacked-”
“Sheriff Beau Arlen,” said your dad with a scary undertone in his voice, neglecting to offer his hand. “Y/N’s father and Chief of police over at the station. We don’t cuff seventeen year old girls unless they’ve committed a crime. Now, if after our discussion and I hear all the facts it turns out she did, I’ll cuff her myself and take her down for booking. Am I clear?”
The vice principal narrowed his eyes but said nothing, holding the door open. You trudged inside, your dad hot on your heels. You sat in the empty chair in front of the desk, Mara doing a good job of looking like a sobbing mess in the one nearby.
“Mr. Arlen?” the principal asked. He hummed, finding a spot along the wall and leaning against it with crossed arms, his eyes shooting to Mara. “I’m afraid we’ll have to suspend Y/N for attacking Mara for five days out of school.”
“And we’re pressing charges, even if you are the sheriff,” said a snotty woman.
God were you working hard to not flip that whole family off. You were about to open your mouth and try to give your side of the story when you saw your dad’s face and his finger wag at you.
Uh oh.
“Where do we want to begin? The way this school only got one students side of the story-”
“There are witnesses,” cut in the vice principal, your dad holding up a hand.
“Let me guess, Mara’s friends?” he shot back, clenching his jaw, returning his focus to the principal. “Now I know for a fact my daughter is getting bullied by this girl and her friends every single day since she started last week.”
You swallowed. You hadn’t told him that. How had he known?
He stepped forward, putting his hands on the back of your chair, leaning over it so you felt his chest against the top of your head.
“Do we want to start with the blatant bullying? Or perhaps with Mara?” he asked, turning his head to her, shooting her parents a glare. “You know, the one who actually did the attacking.”
“My daughter did no such thing,” snapped her dad. You felt your dad reach an arm around, gently grasping your forearm and holding it up.
“One girl has only defensive injuries. Bruises, nail marks. The other has scrapped knuckles, two broken fingernails and can’t look me in the eye. Guess which one is which,” growled your dad, his hand still gentle as he lowered your arm to your lap. Mara’s parents didn’t look like they were about to backdown though.
“There are witnesses. This is ridiculous. Mara acted in self-defense then,” said her mom. You glanced at the principal, his words caught in his throat and you couldn’t help but smile for a moment.
“Oh so now her story is changing?” poked your dad.
“No!” said her mom. “Your daughter said something so vile and threatening-”
“To her bully? Did Y/N say something like that to you Mara? Did she say something because her bully’s been so mean to her?”
“Don’t speak to our daughter!” shouted her dad. Mara glanced at you, as if you’d somehow help her. Meanwhile this was turning out to be the best day of your new school yet.
“I don’t hear her denying she was bullying Y/N? In fact, I don’t hear her saying anything. If it’s so abhorrent and you felt in so much danger, why don’t you tell us all what it was that made you act in self-defense, hm?” said your dad, his focus narrowed in on Mara.
She was so fucked and she knew it.
“I said don’t-”
“Alec,” interrupted the vice principal, his focus turned onto Mara as well. “Mara. Answer the question.”
But she couldn’t. She was floundering, face turning red under the interrogation.
“Tell the truth and the Arlen family,” growled your dad, pointed straight back at her parents, “Will not press any charges.”
Mara contorted her face before throwing her hands up. “She called me insecure and said I should get help for that so I got mad and punched and kicked her.”
“And why did she call you that?” cut in your dad, laser focused on Mara. She closed her eyes, lowering her head. “Mara.”
“Because I’ve been bullying her because my boyfriend said hi to her and said we should get to know her because she’s new but I know he just wants to get in her pants so I told all my friends to keep her away from him no matter what.”
“I expect an apology,” he said. She looked up, eyes full of unshed tears. “Oh, not to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, barely looking at you.
“Thanks. I don’t accept it and that is perfectly within my rights,” you said.
“Regardless, Mara you’re suspended for five days out of school. Y/N, you’re suspended for two. We have a zero tolerance policy on fighting,” said the principal.
“She didn’t fight,” said your dad, his voice stern.
“It’s a rule,” said the principal.
“Fine,” said your dad, grabbing your bicep and pulling you to your feet. “Let’s go get lunch out, maybe catch a movie.”
You couldn’t hide the smile on your face as he led you out, his hand falling away when he looked over his shoulder. “Three more things. One, I fully expect punishments for the students that lied about what they saw. Two, I hear of anymore bullying happening at this school to any kid, I will make it my personal mission in life to get you fired and three? You people get your daughter in therapy sooner than later because that’s the sort of thing that gets her tossed in jail when she’s older.”
He tossed your backpack over his shoulder as he led you out to the hall, hand on your back leading you towards the front doors. You grinned as you stared, his face blank when he opened the door to fresh air.
“That was fucking awesome,” you said, jogging down the steps and over to the truck. “You went full cop mode and scared the shit of her! That was-”
“Are you okay?” he asked when you sat in the passenger seat. You tilted your head when he cupped your cheeks, running his thumb over the scuffed up skin on the left. “We need to clean that.”
He pushed up your short sleeves, finding more bruises, a few older ones, before trailing down to your nicked up arms.
“Y/N, I know you’re a good kid that doesn’t like to get in trouble but promise me something?” You nodded when he fixed your braid behind your ear. “Next time someone touches you without permission, you lay their ass out.”
“You told me I shouldn’t hit people.”
“Yeah, well the little bitch would have deserved it.” Your jaw dropped into a grin, his attempt at holding a blank face faltering, a smile creeping up. “Yeah, I know I said not to call people that but that kid’s a psycho waiting to happen. Promise me?”
“I promise,” you said, getting a kiss on the forehead. “How’d you know I didn’t start the fight?”
“I know you. I also know there would have been no fight because if you had thrown the first punch, that girl would be knocked out.” He stroked your cheek again and sighed. “No headache? Anything like that?”
“She punches like a pussy.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “Too far?”
“Just a tad. Come on. Let’s go enjoy your suspension.”
Later That Evening
“Alec’s my second cousin, such a dickhead,” said one of dad’s officer’s, the blonde woman named Jenny you’d seen last night. “Mara’s always been awful.”
“Jenny,” chided your dad in his office, chowing down on some chinese takeout from behind his desk. You gave her a smile, eating from your carton as she set a file down in front of him. “Don’t be a bad influence.”
“If I were her, I would have decked the little shit,” said Jenny. Your dad rolled his eyes and read through the file, Jenny stealing a fortune cookie for herself. She leaned against his desk and offered you a smile. “So besides the school being crap thing and your dad dragging you to murder scenes, how do you like Montana so far?”
“Jenny,” he said again, glancing over the top of the file at her.
“It’s a lot less boring than I thought it’d be,” you said, offering her one of your egg rolls.
“Thank you,” she said, popping it in her mouth, returning her attention to your dad. “Both vics had traces of a yellow substance in their air passages.”
“Rat poison?” you asked, both of them slowly turning their heads towards you. They stared blankly as you chewed. “It was in that new hunger games movie, they killed a guy with it.”
“Wow,” said Jenny as your dad closed his eyes. “That’s impressive.”
“I don’t even…” he sighed, rubbing his jaw as he flashed open his eyes. “So rat poison killed them. Why make it look like a murder suicide then? This person must have known we’d do autopsies.”
“Unless they didn’t,” you said, earning a glare from him. “Hey, people are dumb. You taught me that when I was like eight.”
“Y/N-”
“No, she has a point,” said Jenny, picking up her copy of the file and glancing through it. “Who is smart enough to use rat poison but dumb enough to not realize we’d find it and try to cover it up?”
“No one, that’s who,” said your dad. You bit into another eggroll and shrugged. He threw his hand back and groaned. “Fine. What’s your theory?”
“Well, a kid is dumb enough,” you said. “Maybe they watched that movie too.”
“Genius plan except that couple had no kids,” he said. You finished your bite and shrugged. “What?”
“Weren’t you the one that also told me people aren’t always what they seem and not to trust someone just because they were nice? They could have been whackjobs.”
Jenny cocked her head, glancing at your dad. “Kid has a point, Arlen. It was a large property. Entirely possible we missed something.”
“Fine. We’ll check it out first thing,” he said, nodding to you. “You might as well come along Ms. Detective, since you’re out ot school for a few days.”
“Good with me. As long as it’s not early. I don’t do early,” you said, a tiny smirk on his face that told you you’d be up at dawn.
The Next Afternoon
“What’s going to happen to him?” you asked as your dad drove you both home after a long morning. He was quiet for a beat. “Will he go to juvie?”
“Maybe. Maybe a hospital for people like him. Either way, it’s a better situation than he was in,” he said. He tapped the wheel, his lips pursed. “You know I don’t want you to be a cop right?”
“I know. It’s just…it’s easy to talk to you about your work,” you said. He nodded, turning off to the road just a minute drive from the house.
“So can you rent this movie with the rat poison?” he asked. You stared, his eyes flickering over for just a moment. “I thought Katniss took out the capital. How can they have another movie?”
“It’s a prequel, about Snow.”
“Whoa, Donald Sutherland Snow? They made a movie about that jackass?”
“Well, she wrote another book and then they made it into a movie. It was really good cause you can see how he’s a complete narcissist and he goes from this actually mostly likable guy to the jackass in the other movies.”
“Okay, I definitely have to see this.” He pulled into the driveway, your gaze fixed on him when he turned the car off. “Unless you don’t want to watch it?”
“No I just…I miss when I’d make you watch the hunger games and you’d make me watch the dirty dozen and that was our thing.”
“Still our thing,” he said, brushing his thumb over the healing scrape on your cheek. “How’s that feeling today?”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“I know, I know. I worry.” He opened the door and smiled as he popped out. “Alright little criminal. Go do that homework you ignored all day while I make us something to eat before our movie.”
“Really? Come on. I’m still suspended tomorrow. Can’t I do it over the weekend?” He looked up like he was thinking about it, a small smile crossing his face. “Thank you!”
“You’re helping me with dinner, missy.” You didn’t really mind that fact though. Making dinner together and watching a movie? That was normal for the two of you.
A few hours later when you were bundled up under a blanket together on the couch and pressing start, you finally felt like it was a normal thursday night, no more tension or awkwardness in the air. And while murder investigations and school fights were certainly interesting, a little slice of normal again felt damn good.
_________
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Suffering is not What You Think
(The Penitent Magdalene)
So often you hear, when people leave their churches, their gripes surround suffering. Why would God allow suffering? Why would God allow babies to be murdered and die of cancer? Why would He allow war and cannibalism and pedophilia? Why did God allow me to see my mother die? Why did he allow this or that?
What I cannot help but notice is that the people saying this are never talking about their own suffering.
"Why does God allow war?" said a cowardly young man who has never seen bloodshed. "Why does God allow cancer?" said a woman who is perfectly healthy. "Why does God allow abuse?" said a man who had the privilege of watching the sex abuse crisis of the RCC play out on the TV screen and not in the sacristy. "Why did God allow my mother do die?" said a daughter who is still alive.
We may mourn, and we ought to mourn, the sorrows and the fallenness of this world, but witnessing suffering is not the same as suffering.
(Just Take Them and Leave Me Alone)
This was never more clear to me than when I spent a summer arguing with my anti-natalist, atheist sister. She would spend hours berating my poor mother and father for the heinous crime of having children. During one of these spats, my sister turned to me and said, "How can you support natalism?" which she said like a slur, "your grandmother abused you from the moment you were born."
Now, this is true. Truer than she knew, or, if I have it my way, will ever know. My grandmother (who was my and my sister's primary caregiver) always despised me because I was born with a deformity. Her hatred only intensified when my sister was born. My sister was, in her eyes, perfect. As a child, my sister would ask for me to be abused in front of her, for her amusement, by my grandmother.
My sister witnessed plenty of my suffering, but she experienced not an iota of it. And yet, she used my suffering as a way to say that all of human life is suffering. She used it to discredit the worth of all human life.
(Ophelia)
I find this is always the case. When I was an atheist, I was confused by people who brought up the "problem of suffering". I never viewed my suffering as something that made my life worse. Even as an atheist and a child, I saw clearly how the suffering I experienced and was experiencing was driving me toward a larger purpose. This pattern of thought followed me into the sexual abuse I experienced in middle school and into my conversion.
My atheist associates, whose suffering I know well, likewise never cite their suffering as a reason for their disbelief. When you really get down to it, "God is a big meanie" is not a reason to reject His existence, say these associates of mine.
It is only being a witness to suffering-- usually an impotent witness-- that causes this specific kind of apostasy. Even if my sister had stopped encouraging it, I still would have been abused. Her behavior would have made little difference. It is the same for the sufferings I listed earlier. Regardless of what we tell ourselves, no boycotting, no Instagram post, and not even tax evasion or immolation will stop the Genocide Israel is purporting against the Palestinians. We, far removed, poor, and powerless foreigners, are impotent. We can do nothing to help someone with a terminal illness not die-- it's terminal. We can do nothing to help the kidnapped children we see on the news, taken from their homes halfway across the country. We cannot bilocate, live forever, or have infinite money.
When these people say, "Why does God allow suffering?" they are actually asking, "Why does God allow my impotence?" The implication is that, of course, they would solve these sufferings if only they were not impotent. Is this the case? I don't know; who am I to judge the heart of another man?
Whatever the case, it is clear to me that witnessing suffering is of some different metaphysical nature than the actual experience of suffering. I've written a little about this privately, so I will get around to expanding upon it in further posts.
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