#i literally saw a meme on facebook saying that

[playingonedchess]

steaktake more like misteak

[elliespassagerprincess]

can u pretty please with a cherry on top make a part 4 to the milf abby 😔🙏🏼💟

Headcannons: Milf!abby anderson x reader (part 4)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

Authors note: Ladies and pookies I'm back! This last week has been the worst and most painful week of my life but, I'm back and better than ever <3

☆ Milf Abby who gets your initials tattooed on her ring finger.

You felt her calloused hands grab your waist as you stood admiring the ring she got you.

“it’s pretty” you muttered

“you’re pretty” she said with a smile

“shut up Abby” you shoved her to the side as you felt your face grow hot.

The two of you stood in silence for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet you both rarely get with Aubrey

“you know” Abby started “if the bride gets to wear an engagement ring, what about their partner?”

Your brows furrow, at the thought.

“that actually makes a lot of sense Abby. We should get you a ring-“

but before you could even finish you sentence Abby lifted up her right hand revealing the tattoo.

“what the fuck Abigail”

☆ Milf Abby who refers to you as her wife long before the wedding.

“Yeah my wife and I went there”

“she’s my wife”

“my wife likes that show” “you know what they say happy wife happy life”

☆ Milf Abby who buys you white dresses as gifts just to see what you would look like in white, because she really couldn’t wait for the wedding.

☆ Milf Abby who’s literally a perfectionist and plans the wedding without a planner.

“No, you aren’t folding the napkins right” “that isn’t the right shade of pink”

☆ Milf Abby who asks her daughter to be the ring bearer and the maid of honor.

Aubrey looked at you with curious eyes as Abby placed the box onto her lap.

“dude what’s this?”

“Aubrey I’m not your friend, who taught you that word?” Abby sighed

“grandpa did” “of course he did. He really needs to stop-“

 “Abby lets focus on the box” you interrupted her, knowing this conversation wasn’t going anywhere.

“Can I open it please?” Aubrey asked you, with a polite smile.

“of course she’s nice to you! You little gremlin-“

“Abby!”

Abby felt Aubrey pinch her arm at the gremlin comment

“why would you-“

“ok” you said with a stern voice “lets open the box, you guys can fight later”

sometimes it felt like you were living with children.

Aubrey’s small hands grabbed the box, eagerly tearing away the wrapping paper. In the box lay a simple white dress, with paper rings. The little girl gently grabbed the fabric, inspecting it. She saw the rings and it took her a while to get it.

“I’m carrying the rings?!” she yelled

“and we were hoping you’d be our maid of honor too” you pulled out a basket from behind you and the girls smile grew.

☆ Milf Abby who begs you to let her go with you when you go wedding dress shopping.

“please”

“Abby its bad luck”

“fuck the bad luck”

☆ Milf Abby who sends you thumbs down emoji’s the whole time you were gone.

☆ Milf Abby who doesn’t want to sleep in separate houses the night before the wedding.

☆ Milf Abby who sends you cringe Facebook minion memes and jokes because she misses you. This was your first night apart in months, but she knew after tonight she would be waking up with you next to her for the rest of her life.

☆ Milf Abby who barley slept that night. She wasn’t sure if she was nervous or excited.

☆ Milf Abby who gets ready extremely early. Her hair was out of her normal tight braid, and the hair fell to her shoulders. Her black suit hugging her in all the right places.

☆ Milf Abby who starts at herself in the mirror too long, and she suddenly notices her wrinkles, she suddenly notices the grey hairs.

☆ Milf Abby who gets cold feet.

☆ Milf Abby who starts crying because you didn’t deserve this.

You needed someone younger, some who doesn’t have back pains and complains about their joints hurting. Someone who wasn’t turning 50 soon.

Someone who won’t die soon.

You needed more than Abby.

Abby’s loud sobs filled the room as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She should call this off.

“Abby?” her head snapped to the direction of the door. It was her dad. She quickly wiped her eyes, and she sniffed a couple of times. “hey dad” he slowly walked towards her, and he gently sat next to her, putting his hand on her shoulder he muttered “you okay?”

The blonde sitting next to him broke out in sobs, her head fell to his shoulder “oh honey” he breathed as he held her close.

“Abby what’s wrong?” He felt his daughter tremble next to him. “i- I’m keeping her back in life” Abby started, and Jerry just sat and listened to her.

“I’m so old I’m probably going to die soon. Who wants to be married to a grandma? One of these days I won’t be able to get out of bed without complaining. And she’s so pretty and young- she-she deserves everything, and what can I give her? My future dentures?”

“have you ever thought that this is what she wanted?”

Abby lifted her head to what her father said.

“The fact she’s marrying you proves that the love she has for you is endless. She’s willing to look after you when you do get those dentures. She wants you as much as you want her Abby, don’t let your insecurities stop you from being with the love of your life. And yeah, you’ll get old, but she’ll be with you”

☆ Milf Abby who goes to the venue earlier than everyone to make sure everything is ok.

☆ Milf Abby who stood at the altar with sweaty palms, waiting for your arrival.

☆ Milf Abby who started crying as soon as you start walking down the aisle.

 ☆ Milf Abby who couldn’t take her eyes off you the whole ceremony because she realized that this was it. She was marrying you.

☆ Milf Abby who shed more tears than you did during your vows and she cried even more when Aubrey came with the rings.

☆ Milf Abby who practically jumps on you when they said she could kiss you.

You felt her hands grab your face, and she brought you in for a rough kiss.

The crowned screamed around the two of you and you heard the clicks of all the cameras. You felt Abby’s lips smile against yours before she pulled away putting her head against yours.

She whispered “I’ll love you forever”

“I love you too abs, forever and always”

[queersatanic]

wait, no nut november is fash? i thought it was likea kinky edging thing

It’s one of those “haha it’s just ironic shitposting… unless” sort of things that the far-right often uses, but this one is specifically centered on why men need to preserve their manly vitality and pornography is evil

Yet it would be naive to ignore that there’s significant overlap between the general ideology behind NoFap — and, to a degree, No Nut November — and that of the far right, which has increasingly coopted the principles of masturbation abstinence. Because the challenge is associated with abstaining from porn, some people associated with the movement have taken the extra step of harassing adult performers on social media, giving it an additional layer of troubling implications. “In the past [No Nut November] has always been like, ‘Oh, look at this ridiculous thing some people are participating in,'” says adult performer and director Casey Calvert. “This year, people [in the industry] are talking about, ‘Oh, actually this is connected to the far right and maybe we shouldn’t just be saying hahaha, No Nut November.'”

A new meme brings these implications into sharp relief. Coomer is a reference to a meme of an unkempt, skeezy-looking bearded man in a white tank top with vaguely Semitic features, accompanied by descriptive text like “doesn’t even know anything about politics,” “extremely aesthetic right arm (huge muscle),” and “has never heard of NoFap.”

It’s been circulating on 4chan for the past year, but Alex Hawkins, the vice president of the porn tube site xHamster, says he started seeing it in the replies on his company’s Twitter feed back in September, when presidential candidate Andrew Yang tweeted about limiting access to pornography. At first, “we didn’t really know what it meant and thought it was funny,” he tells Rolling Stone. Then, in late October, the coomer resurfaced thanks to a Twitter campaign led by a user named TeapotLad, in which users vowed to change their avatars to the coomer should they fail No Nut November. PewDiePie shouted out the campaign in a recent YouTube video, as did far-right YouTuber Paul Joseph Watson, who is perhaps best known for being one of the many extremist figures, including Milo Yiannopolous and Alex Jones, to be banned from Facebook. “No Nut November and the Coomer meme represent a deeper meaning,” he said in a tweet. “Porn is evil. It literally re-wires your brain and causes erectile dysfunction. Take the pledge. Don’t be a Coomer.”

The term has also been used in the context of “OK coomer,” a play on the “OK boomer” meme, in response to tweets critical of No Nut November or masturbation abstinence in general. “It’s positioned as this epic battle between the weak beta masturbators and the strong, alpha NoFappers,” says Hawkins.

Like most memes, “coomer” carries with it more than a tinge of irony, and it’s not always easy to determine whether it’s being used flippantly or to actually deride men who masturbate. But the implication is clear: masturbating is an urge that should be resisted at all costs. David Ley, PhD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist who studies pornography and mental health, saw the meme after he tweeted his criticism of No Nut November, referring to it as “a creepy little smorgasbord of insecurity-driven hate with anti-Semitism, misogyny, and homophobia all rolled up in one,” he tells Rolling Stone.

[cup-and-chaucer]

Really the problem with these BookTok books like Romantic Comedy is that...they are commodities. The answer to Fran Leibowitz's brilliant quote, "A book is not a mirror, it should be a door." is that, with advent of a literary social media, we are not reading to engage with a story or an idea but to attain an ideal. Marketing is built on the tension of relatability and aspiration. We see commercials set in clean, pristine suburban homes with happy, well-behaved children because it feels like it something we could attainably be if only we had the right brand of cereal or peanut butter or dish soap or life insurance. We want to see ourselves in those places that feel within our grasp. With the rise of books as a commodity to be marketed, rather than as art or entertainment, we increasingly want to see ourselves in the books we read. We want to see aspirational versions of ourselves either reading the book (aesthetics bloggers like Dakota Warren) or within the pages of the books. This why so many of those romance books feel so...conflict-avoidant. Don't get too close to reality or imperfection.

As the idea of a corporate morality (think: rainbow capitalism) emerges, it comes out in books too. Books have to have queer or PoC characters...not because those characters are essential or interesting or natural parts of the landscape or have their own purpose in the books but because the people reading the books want to feel like they are reading diversely and want to believe they are the type of people who also have queer or PoC friends. It doesn't matter if these portrayals are sanitized or feel tokenish.

A book like Romantic Comedy, where the characters mouth literal Facebook think-piece memes I saw during the height of the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020 as their political beliefs, without much self-reflection on the fact that these are two culturally powerful white people who are saying those things to signal that they are good people. It feels like a distraction and a benediction so you can support them in their rockstar fantasy romance, white guilt free. They are saying you are a good person for liking this book because the people in it are good the way you want them to be good and in the way you also want to be good. And they don't have to mean a word of it, they don't have to examine themselves any deeper, if the box is checked and disclaimer signed.

It's also why I think there is so much moral puritanism in reading now. We can't read Lolita because most of us don't want to be associated with its content and what we read, because it is now synonymous with what we buy and own and identify with, is a mirror to who we are and what we aspire to be. The problem is that books are not material things, not really, not the way jeans or furniture or cooking utensils are. They aren't forms of self-expression for the reader, the way fashion or make-up or paint is, they are simply a collection of thoughts from the imagination of an individual put into the world to tell of an experience or make an argument for us to read. That's all.

And all of this, all of this, all of this fucking capitalism is going to get conflated with the very real need for representation in literature and media, for more equitable publishing, for uplifting marginalized voices and experiences.

*sighs*

[schismusic]

Joy Division, or: how I learned to stop worrying and love New Order, too

Spring is weird as hell because one time you have this glaring sun that powers you up like being plugged into a wall outlet, then not five minutes later clouds begin to gather and you feel like you're going to die if anything goes south. So the most obvious combination to represent two sides of this same coin, emotional and meteorological, is Joy Division and New Order.

Sometimes you need Transmission or Shadowplay for the sunny days — impassioned jolts, sparks flying everywhere. Sometimes The Perfect Kiss hits harder on a cloudy afternoon, coming back home and in need of that extra push to not fall asleep in the train. It's surprising to realize the versatility displayed by both bands, or the same band in two different iterations according to whomever you ask. Peter Hook says, as late as 1993, that the laziest member of New Order is Ian Curtis. Or again this other person, in the comments under the Atmosphere official video on YouTube, who went to see New Order (Hooky-less New Order, which might be a relevant distinction) at the O2 Arena a couple of years ago and they gave an encore, says "Those of us who stayed got the privilege of watching Joy Division perform three of their songs". Interesting outlook on the matter. I personally saw Peter Hook and the Light play both Joy Division records and, I'm pretty sure, an encore comprised of just Love Will Tear Us Apart at the Arti Vive Festival in Soliera, back when it was still free to attend some of the events. I remember being pretty mad that Hooky had stopped to take pics with basically everyone and then left exactly as I was approaching. In retrospect I don't exactly blame the man, it was like midnight anyway. I remember nothing of the back trip home.

My first contact with Joy Division happened when I was thirteen and very much in my prog era. I was in Rome staying at an aunt of mine's place for my fourteenth birthday and she told me I could get a CD, since I had gotten some money saved up over time. Some Facebook page dedicated to Pink Floyd I'd liked (yeah, Facebook at age thirteen — I literally just wanted to play a fucking Flash game, back when Facebook allowed them, and I ended up getting to be terminally online. Crazy how things turn out) used to share a lot of memes and fanart relating to the Unknown Pleasures album cover, and me being a massive Pink Floyd head at the time I thought "I mean, if these guys are pushing this band so hard, that's gotta mean something". The album cover was pretty striking, admittedly: a far cry from the paisley ass paintings that I had grown to accept as the gold standard for the music I liked, but its simplicity struck a chord closer to The Dark Side of the Moon, or perhaps The Wall. Those were records I liked a lot, probably called them "the best records ever made" to more than one person, not like they aren't but that's a very bold statement to make when your listening experience consists exactly of

Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor when I was six;

Daft Punk's complete discography (minus Random Access Memories, which wasn't out yet) when I was twelve;

Pink Floyd's complete discography, courtesy of a CD collection coming out with some Italian newspaper, that same year;

a couple random classic rock records recommended to me by older friends and relatives usually well into their fifties or sixties at the time, random people on Internet forums — which, for clarification, I did not actively attend, preferring to just lurk from time to time — and the OndaRock "milestones" page.

So browsing through the surprisingly expansive CDs section of this electronics shop in Rome, and being mesmerized by a vinyl rack in the days when Music on Vinyl was the final frontier of pretending you could re-analogue the digital ("you mean to tell me these are like CDs, but bigger? Whoever designed these truly lived in the future"), I came across that very same album art that had stricken me so hard. I had listened to the first seconds of the album on YouTube, but that weird drum sound — so echoey, so distant, ultimately not particularly powerful, meaning it didn't really sound like Bonzo: it sounded more like my own band, which at the time didn't even exist yet — I didn't really know what to make of. This store I was in had one of those preview listening machines that would scan the barcode on the CDs and give you a small snippet of the song. I pull the CD up to the scanner, the scanner lights up green, I put on the headphones and the solo from this comes up:

Clearly they had to be kidding me. I had come to know, sneaking into infinitely many rehearsals with the band from my mother's town, what it sounded like when someone tried to play lead without something else filling up the arrangement (even though I didn't really know all that, or at least lacked the vocabulary to properly express it) and, for Christ's sake, didn't these guys notice rehearsing? It sounded empty, weirdly so, and it wasn't my thing, I thought. I put that CD away and picked up a band I knew I'd like — Genesis, specifically. So Nursery Cryme became the first CD I've ever paid with my own money, the very day I turned fourteen. Not a bad pickup. I remember being very impressed with the fast blurring lead guitar on The Musical Box and digging the sweet pastoral atmospheres of For Absent Friends and Harlequin. I still think of that record more often than one would probably assume looking at this blog, or my most played on Spotify. At the time, that was the best move I could take, really: why beat my head against a record that, as your average prog nerd ballbreaker, simply wasn't speaking to me?

Then all of a sudden in August of the same year my friend's dad hands me a 16 gigabyte USB drive, full of random music from all eras of rock. A lot of it remains inscrutable to me for a really long time, most notably Tom Waits (see related post), but I spent the whole month reading random folder names, seeing if something catches my eyes, and at one point I come across the Mars Volta. Open the folder up, read the names of their first three records, and my first thought is "Christ, these guys look incomprehensible. I'm about to have some fun". Long story short: I end up having a lot of fun, the Mars Volta turns into my favourite band at the time and finding out that they had previously been called At the Drive-In makes me gain some measure of respect for punk rockers: if they tried hard enough, I must've thought, they could prog as hard as anyone. In the meantime the ghost of Joy Division remains at the back of my head. I feel like I'm missing something, for the first time in my life: it's not them, it's me. Too bad that same realization didn't occur to me when it came to the people in my life until much, much later, but that's being fourteen for you I suppose. Early King Crimson and the Mars Volta were the pinnacle of violence to me, and not even the very few Metallica songs I'd downloaded just to see what would happen scratched that itch. It felt a bit too cauterized for some reason (I would later find out I had been looking in the wrong direction the whole time: the Black Album "sucked", according to my favourite metalhead of the time, who somehow catalyzed my interest from the very second I saw him in the school's courtyard. Hard to imagine why I would imprint on people like puppies do, but what the fuck, not like I've ever outgrown that anyway, I've just gotten better at managing it). But I felt there was more than violence to this, or different forms of violence. When Christmas came around and my relatives tried to get me presents, my mother asked if there was anything specific I was interested in, and I basically told her "look, if they can get me some CDs off of this list, I'm golden". It had some bangers on it, namely Noctourniquet by the Mars Volta — it's one of their best and I will die on this hill, be warned — and The Downward Spiral, which might as well warrant its own post in an ideal world. But the best of them all I think came from a random purchase, once again with the little money I had lying around at the time.

Closer appears to be, right away, a bit more concrete, and if there's something inexperienced music fans like is a pretty packaging that conjures a strong emotional response before they've even played the record. Compare a color-inverted graph of pulsar emissions to a literal funerary monument. Opening up the booklet I was shocked to see that Genesis was used as a negative point of comparison (bad omen, I thought) by people close to the band, and I came across much more detailed information about Ian Curtis's untimely demise — at that time, something far too removed from my experience to be faced with the delicacy and attention it deserves. Atrocity Exhibition hits like a ten-ton truck, a reference which at the time I wouldn't have been able to make for obvious reasons, and Isolation exposes all the nerve tissue under the skin. Passover comes in and strips everything even barer, and then A Means to an End turns… danceable, for some reason? Big emotional moment with The Eternal and Decades, which I thought actually took them closer to my usual tastes. And yet at the same time I kept looking at Colony, Heart and Soul and Twenty Four Hours as the most compelling cuts. Geometric assault sounding like sheet metal if it were music; rhythmically driven emptiness that serves as a minimal backdrop for depressed poetry, and finally a rocking ebb-and-flow that would probably inform a lot of my interest in GY!BE-like post-rock in the coming years. Very interesting to think that the same guys who'd done Unknown Pleasures could think of this. To this day, when asked, I still do think that Closer is the best Joy Division record, but what does it even mean when the records are exactly two, compilations notwithstanding?

It was around this time that it came to my attention that both Joy Division and another band called New Order had a record called Substance out, both published by the same recording company, both coming out within a year of each other. Looking it up, it turns out it's fully intentional, because New Order is simply Joy Division minus Ian Curtis. It would turn out to be a tad bit more complex than that. Anyway, I look New Order up and kind of have to do a double-take. Synthpop? In my Joy Division? More likely than you'd think, considering Isolation exists. But yeah, that sort of seals it — I wouldn't care about this New Order for a million years. Until all of a sudden a couple of years later David Sylvian bursts like a comet in my face, which of course leads me straight to Japan, the same year as I'd come across Berlin-era Bowie, and you can probably guess where this is going, right?

Well, you'd be wrong. I still don't check out New Order. There's a whole new world open to me — vaporwave and therefore R Plus Seven come to my attention, which leads me to dissect that record like an alien tool of unclear purposes. This of course leads me onto an ambient tangent, taking me back to my Tim Hecker listens of that same year, which has the effect of renewing my interest in "pure" electronic music and the then-rising post-dubstep movement. The sheer experience of sound, the dazzling modernity and innovation, is what's in at the time. I have no time for nostalgia-pandering dimwits: the future awaits. Then all that jazz from the first Godflesh post hits, then God pulls the funniest gag in the history of viral infections to my memory, and I have some time to actually look back, a bit less prejudiced. As it turns out, synthpop is not the devil, as some of you might have surmised by now, and as I relisten to Blue Monday I realized I have never listened to either of the Substance record. I do know some, most perhaps?, of the tracks on the Joy Division one, and I do think the New Order one has the more striking cover art — not to mention I knew, by this time, that this was the one to give Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance its name, and that Your Silent Face soundtracked one of the most memorable moments in Nicolas Winding Refn's Bronson. As the ultimate Hideo Kojima stan, I couldn't let this slide, so I pop the record on and get hit with this:

Way to go, guys. Holy shit. I knew that Ceremony was a Joy Division cut before they could record it, but what the hell — Bernard got it, too. It wasn't a matter of singing ability with songs like these, it's just getting it, finding the right energy. They had that right energy. And then it hit me just as many times these dudes have made Blue Monday over and over again before actually getting it right, and everytime I look into it it's funnier and funnier to realize just how many different attempts it took them to finally be Kraftwerk, but augmented — with the stellar results we all know. Everything's Gone Green, 5 8 6, Temptation potentially, all lead up to this one moment in the history of dance music where somehow three dudes and a girl hailing from Manchester managed to out-gay the Pet Shop Boys (by their own admission, apparently), to shake the whole world's collective booty, to do whatever it is they were supposed to do in this last comparison that would ideally make the previous one a bit less obnoxious but whatever, it's 3am as usual, you know how it goes by now don't you? But then after Blue Monday the record keeps going, and thank god it does, because it's banger after banger. How do these guys keep doing it?

So I spend some time with that record, then it fades down, then it comes back up last month, when the weather calls for it and its parent company. Which is when I find myself watching the Control movie for the first time, surprisingly enough seeing as I already enjoyed the work of Anton Corbijn as a photographer. Looking at all that, it is revealed to me that Joy Division never really having died is not a bug, it's a feature. Everyone is gasping, I get it, but please pick your jaws up and check this out: the band has never learned how to play their respective instruments. One might go so far as to argue they play their own stuff their own way, and that's basically it. Nothing could be further from the truth. These guys jammed, a lot; that's how Joy Division wrote songs, that's how New Order wrote songs, even going as far as having Bernard Sumner fucked up on acid so he could find the chorus to Temptation or the whole band bombed out of their minds on X in Ibiza clubs to write, basically, the entirety of Technique — and even then, not really, there's a couple jangly tracks that the X would most likely render unlistenable but what do I really know? Point being: it might now have been sparked by a music teacher or instructor, it might not have been the product of a process comparable to that within Television, which led them to organically seek out better, more "by the book" musicianship, but New Order were incredibly familiar with their instruments, had formed an element of comfort and understanding that counterbalanced the alien-ness to music terminology.

Peter Hook recently uploaded a Yamaha-sponsored video to his Instagram, which I am pretty sure has a say in running, where he jams on a Yamaha bass and, you know, it sounds like Hooky alright, but it's never a discernible bassline until he kicks into the A major strumming that opens Love Will Tear Us Apart. Before that, he just strolls around the neck, leisurely strumming away at power chords imbued with that thick chorus and reverb combo he became renowned for. I would never, in my wildest dreams, have imagined I'd find myself thinking "okay, awesome, stop talking — I want to hear you jam a bit more" referring to one of the musicians who were part of possibly two of the craziest storiest in the history of contemporary rock'n'roll, also notorious for playing the rockstar whilst carrying the minimum possible baggage of technical knowledge he could. Once again, this is nowhere near a knock to the man — quite the opposite. Ian Curtis asked "persistence, well, what does it matter?", and Hooky (and, of course, the other members of New Order) found a way to constructively answer that question. Moments before Coil, but a bit later than Israel Regardie, they said "persistence is all" and built a brand on finding a way to consistently sound like splendid, eternal, golden children: "like crystal", impassionate, tightly-knit performers with the purity of a child's heart. Ian Curtis had, in certain ways (at least artistically), the purity of a child in his heart, which some might even argue was a distinguishing feature of most of his literary idols — if you think about it, William Burroughs could be your dirty-minded classmate who walked in on his parents sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom (had his parents been gay men, the metaphor would probably fly better, but that most definitely wasn't the case). So the heart of Joy Division remains untouched, if a bit more naked. Heroes of post-punk, sons of the silent age, you can sleep soundly tonight.

[ohchosen]

AUTHOR PORTRAIT ... get to know the author behind the blog! repost, don't reblog !

BASICS

NAME:        val AGE:         24 PRONOUNS:         she / they YEARS OF WRITING:          ok how specific are we talking. because i can say like circa 2010 i was on facebook writing bad twilight fanfiction + rp ( which then progressed into bad thg fanfiction ) or i can say elementary school and my little short stories i was always ad - libbing. regardless, it's definitely something i've had a knack for my whole life and it was literally just a matter of time before i found out about rp. and yes before you ask it was my personal facebook. when i was 11. that had all of my relatives added. yes they saw it. years writing on tumblr is different and i think i jumped ship and found out about tumblr rp around 2012 / 2013 and with that came my first formative decision which was to watch supernatural. you know where this is going. yes it was bad. no i'm not showing anyone.

REFLECTION

WHY DID YOU PICK UP WRITING?           i needed a hobby and had unrestricted internet access. i kind of answered this in the question before so jokes on me blah blah blah but without getting too personal i had a very difficult time in school with mental health and tumblr, known weird kid haven, was my little safe space where i could freely pursue what i enjoyed and was really my first venture into fandom spaces. i started in the supernatural rpc [ horror music ] and slowly meandered my way through book fandoms, to animanga, and finally settled on the video game community where i've been good and SAT for like six years now.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WRITING ROUTINES?          not necessarily. it's a miracle if i'm able to sit down long enough to open up my drafts and get going, but if i can lock in i'm all set. i find it hard to listen to music while writing because my brain cannot separate the two and i will accidentally start writing down the lyrics but i've never actually considered tuning into instrumentals so ,, thank you vos. writing that down............

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING?         stealing from vos in stealing answer solidarity but the rp community aspect. it can be awful and exhausting as some of us know good and well but it can also be incredible depending on who you surround yourself with. it's so validating finding people who share your little niche interest or even niche - er pairing ( hi vos ) and then to just completely devolve into sending memes and posts and screaming until 2 am in dms. i've met so many of my closest friends through rp, and stealing vos' answer again, but the characters i write who turn out the most developed are those who have been shared with friends. noctis would be nowhere near as fleshed out as he is if not for the people i met in the ff fandom all those years ago.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING.         oughhghh, um. i'm bad at taking compliments and even worse at complimenting myself so bare with me.

i've definitely grown a lot in terms of style and prose, and i'm actually pretty happy with what i'm able to spit out in terms of aesthetic styling as compared to even a few years ago. one of my biggest insecurities ( that still pops up here and again mind you ) was never being able to match length, and i was in the worst writers' block for a few years that i finally managed to escape out of around 2020 and now i can confidently say i'm writing more regularly than i ever have. so to answer the question: it has been my personal growth in my writing and it turning into something i can be confident in and proud of.

i really do enjoy the mundanity of editing my replies. i love to see the progress i make edit by edit and how cohesive and put together a piece of writing becomes the longer i work on it. i fully 100% devote myself to one reply at a time, which is a nightmare for quantity but sooooooo rewarding if it means i can put something out to the best of my ability and not stress myself out worrying about whatever else i owe. i am a self appointed slowpoke, and i've learned over the years to not let myself feel guilty about that because as long as it can become something i devote time on and put effort into, then it really shouldn't bother me how long it takes.

three things is too much to ask for lets all just walk away slowly.

A QUESTION FOR THE NEXT PERSON

HAVE  YOU  MADE  ANY  STRONG  CONNECTIONS  /  FRIENDS DURING YOUR TIME WRITING?          i'm pretty sure this question was intended for vos only but its way too late now and i've already written your accolades so you have to deal with it. this post is just going to be exceptionally long now.

vos @stagehunt my right hand man who has been with me for every gacha related poor financial decision. everything you said i'm literally sending right back to you. i knew no one in that fandom and was in way out of my depth before stumbling across you and your blog. i am so thankful we crossed paths and shoved our little barbie dolls together and said kiss because developing, and i mean really developing tomo would not have happened without your input. at this point you definitely deserve writing credits on him too because the way he turned out would be nowhere near the same if not for your influence. i've had a blast experiencing genshin's story with you and knowing without fail you'll be thinking the exact same thing whenever hyv fumbles the bag again, and yes. one day i GUESS i'll play more than 7 hours of hsr. luv u xoxo.

plum, @sherez, my love, my heart. it's crazy how fast the years have flown by and now all of a sudden i've known you since 2018??? i still remember seeing you from afar on ez and always being blown away by how much love and devotion you put into your characters. we are quite literally bonded for life after surviving the [ redacted ] rpc and i can't think of anyone better to come out beside than you. you can't get rid of me bitch!!!!!!!!! the amount of effort and care i've seen you throw into v, and how far she's come in terms of development blows me away. she is easily one of the best written characters i've ever had the pleasure of reading and i am so excited to keep following her growth. besides how freakishly talented you are, it's astonishing how much we have in common. bc who tf else would i be talking to about forgotten mcr lore in the year of our lord 2024. if no one got me, i know plum got me. booket....... booket for my sweety.......

lu @tactition its crazy how in the short little time we've spent together how much i've bonded with u. if i got down on one knee and pulled out a ring would u say yes.... my yaoi soulmate........ its INSANE how well our character Types (tm) mesh together, and i know karma is coming with its kiss for me when i finally download nier and have to atone for what i put u thru when i made you play final fantasy. please be gentle with me im delicate........... real talk tho.. you have so quickly become such an important person in my daily life and i literally feel myself go !!!! whenever i see a new dm from you because i know its always gonna be good. your character takes blow me away and even for myself who's nearly 7 years deep into the final fantasy scene, it amazes me how you still manage to shed light and new perspective on characters i've known for years. let’s kiss freaky style.

i've very much condensed my little bubble into people i actually want to surround myself with atp, and there's always a handful of mutuals on every blog that i don't necessarily talk to but who have been with me for years now so. sorry you can't leave or i'll become a danger to myself and others. kisses :*

WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE MOST INSPIRATION FROM? this is definitely a muse - specific question since it varies from character to character. with noctis specifically, it's mostly music. i have a few different playlists for him after writing him for so long, and while i can't listen while i write they all offer different types of mood setting for him. other times, its media involving fantasy tropes or characters that have similar struggles to him, off the top of my head ( and something i connected early on ) is the character u.enoyama r.itsuka from given. there's a lot i could say here regarding which aspects i took inspiration from but the majority was the similar personality he has to noctis, the internal thought process he offered when i read the manga, and the way he struggled with his sexuality that struck the loudest chord. don't quote me on any of that since i haven't been caught up with given for like 5 years now but !!!!! yeah the end.

NEW QUESTION: how do you relate to your character personally? are there any overt similarities to the two of you?

tagged by @stagehunt my lover..... tagging - @lunabrae @tactition @sherez

[dykeishheart]

Every so often you see a ridiculous post, usually something with sexual content presented humorously, and a reblog comment will say something to the effect of "this is why this website is unprofitable"

And while those are funny, it's just patently untrue.

Firstly, it behooves us to establish a baseline of terminology, because in current discourse there's a major disconnect between what 'unprofitable' means when used by tumblr users and when used by tumblr executives.

Unprofitable in lay use typically means 'there is a net negative cash flow for this company' while in executive terms it means something more like 'the revenue generated here is unfit for long term growth'. The key distinction is that root word profit; In reality Tumblr is profitable by the first definition but unprofitable by the second. If tumblr wasn't bringing in enough money to at least balance out operating costs it would have been gone long ago. MySpace still exists, Tumblr will likely occupy that same space until it literally can't afford to anymore. The real issue is that tumblr's business model doesn't generate its own growth, and therefore doesn't continually expand its proft above operation like every corporation expects to.

Basically when users on here talk about profits they're measuring velocity, while executives are measuring acceleration. How much will the money increase its own collection, how can we make that happen faster, and how can we maintain that acceleration curve?

Now that that's out of the way, let's look at Tumblr's actual business model. Compared to Twitter and Facebook, tumblr lacks two key things: Public acclaim, and user incentives for engagement loops.

The first part is easy. Tumblr isn't a famous platform like Facebook is or like Twitter is. Outside of Tumblr, nobody talks about Tumblr. This means it's not viewed as a strong market for advertisers, it's not generating waves of new users, and it's not gonna get attention for doing critical maintenance or breakthrough innovation because the crowds simply aren't here. There are millions of Tumblr users, but it really doesn't mean the same thing as the collective hundreds of millions of users across Facebook and Instragram that all generate tons of ad and data revenue for one corporation.

The second part is more complicated because it gets into the psychology of social media engagement, and I'm not gonna pretend to be an expert on how that works. But the crux of it is that the mechanics of engagement with Tumblr are just different from that of Twitter in a few basic ways that mean huge differences in how the space is utilized.

Firstly, Tumblr is fairly obtuse about post longevity; the halflife of a tumblr post is effectively eternal because posts from the first year the website was open for public use still circulate. Posts didn't even have dates put onto them for users to see until like two years ago, unless you modded your website layout with third party tools like Xkit. This is great if you want a website where your art can last forever, but terrible for creating large surges of engagement super quickly on hot button topics and posts. This latter model is how basically all social media operates nowadays, with posts basically dying after 48 hours. There's always a frenzy on every meme, headline, picture, thinkpiece, and political fuckup that inevitably creates micro-surges of engagement for whoever saw it. This creates vicious cycles of attention seeking in just about everyone involved, but it just doesn't work that way here. I get periodic validation from writing I've posted years ago and that gives me the feedback I'd normally have to post hourly to attain on twitter, so there's really no drive for me to constantly be posting. This lack of need to constantly generate content feeds into the first issue of public acclaim; if everyone isn't constantly posting then the content which does leak out from here isn't enough to cross most of the thresholds to motivate people to migrate to the platform and give it public acclaim.

Secondly, the people who *do* post constantly aren't rewarded for doing so in any meaningful way. People who generate tons of content for YouTube and Instagram and TikTok make actual literal money from doing so. People can use Twitter and Facebook to advertise themselves, their products, their podcasts, their personal websites, whatever. With enough of a presence on most social media, there's monetary drives involved. And this motivates some unsuccessful users to keep trying to gain personal acclaim because it's no longer a social media platform, it's a shovel salesman in a gold rush. Tumblr does not have this. Tipping was added a while back but from what I can tell it's not widely used, and even if it was that's still money coming from other users and not the platform itself. Nobody is posting on tumblr to try and make it big and get real money doing so. The people posting a lot on tumblr are people like writers posting updates for their fics, artists posting their art, sex workers promoting their OnlyFans, porn blogs, stolen meme accounts, and the odd wizard here and there. Most people here are engaging for social fulfillment, which is ironically the least profitable motive a social media platform can offer its userbase.

[ugh154628]

I just find this so funny.

The hypocrisy is pouring from both of you with these side by sides in the same matter of days.

"You look at Cece's pages - that she uses specifically to harass, stalk, and defame you all the time!!" ~ meanwhile, scrolling my Facebook feed everyday and making paragraph posts about my selfies and photos with my boyfriend that have nothing to do with either of you.

Within a day if not a few hours of me posting those photos. Then, somehow seeing how many Facebook photos I have "as of today" being within 24 hours of me posting that.

The photos with my boyfriend were posted September 9th and the other September 8th. One of which was posted hours before a few of their posts. See the date comparisons and quoted references.

Side note: I've had my facebook for nearly 20 years and obviously, it's not just pictures of me in there. I use it to store literally all my photos I take, even memes, cool pictures I find on the internet etc. I have six full albums just of my cats, animals, and my friend's pets. Another 9 full albums of pictures with friends and family dating all the back since I was kid. 4 albums full of concert photos. You get the idea. It's a way to easily access my photos without my computer and I love taking pictures. Oops, sue me. I'm curious how you saw my photo count though. That should be private, not public. Interesting.

And apparently you're still scrolling through alllll of my photos to somehow find pictures of my ex in the background of another probably old ass picture because this is the SECOND time you've thrown a tantrum about something like this. It's like you just scroll through my feed all the time very intently looking for problems because I never know what the fuck you're talking about at first. Like seriously, how are you noticing more about a profile than the owner of the fucking profile dude. I think that says a lot. And you'll probably scroll through my profile every day waiting me for delete whichever photo it is like last time because I have no idea what you're talking about yet again and hint hint for your sake: I'm not scrolling through all of my pictures to do that for you again. I deleted the one profile picture, which took me a good 20 minutes to find because he was literally blending in the background mind you, and I'm not doing all of that again. I shouldn't have cared to do so in the first place. Especially not for you and your first world problems.

Oh, and if you're talking about the group picture in my memorial letter to my friend's dead mom whom I was close to, that I posted YEARS ago, I'm not deleting that. There were like 12 people in the picture, and it's sentimental. Hence why it was included in that memorial post. The context of that photo goes beyond my ex's stupid ass being in it. I'm not exactly happy about him tainting the picture, but the good in that photo outweighs that one irritating part and when I posted that status we weren't on bad terms. We weren't even dating when that picture was taken either and unlike you, I'm capable of getting the fuck over petty shit like that and not letting one measly bad thing ruin the entirety of something good. It's called growing up. You should try it some time.

So no, I'm not going to re-edit the post, which means deleting all those pictures and reposting them just so one can be cropped since that's what I would have to do. I'm not going to those great lengths for you, especially considering you'll just pick to find more problems even if I did what you wanted like you do every time. You're not and will never again receive even an inch of effort from me in regards to your wants. That post isn't about him and it's definitely not about you in the slightest. It was never about him or you and it never will be. Editing that post would ultimately be me allowing you to control me and I'm not about it. You can eat shit instead.

Ah, and the old photo of my cat Eddie when I first took him home as a kitten, the one you were going on about claiming my ex was in it. That wasn't my ex. That was my friend K****. Which I find hilarious that you thought him and my ex looked similar considering his age and your age as well as other interesting circumstances by the way. I could pull up the videos I took of him on the couch playing with my cat that same day, same shirt and all, but I'm personally good on wasting my time to prove something so stupid to you in particular. I also think it's funny your straight up assumptions eat at you enough to post paragraphs about them so I think I'll let that theme stick. You're the one with the stupid issue and I'm not making your stupid issue my issue. This is the type of shit middle schoolers fret over and you're 31, so I'm not empathizing whatsoever. If me not deleting old pictures for you is a poke to you, get poked I guess. You're a spoiled brat and an idiot for thinking that way. And you're tying your own noose when you could literally just stop obsessing over the depths of my Facebook feed.

My suggestion to you would be to balance your priorities and maybe get a life outside of tumblr so you have a better chance at facing worse real life problems and maybe, learn to tolerate stupid shit like a picture of your boyfriend being buried on his ex's page. It's pretty clear to me that you don't have enough going on if that's the type of dumb shit you're consistently worrying about. I also suggest that you simply stop looking at my Facebook and then poof, the problem is gone. There's literally no reason for you to be scrolling through my entire feed every day zooming in on all my pictures looking for my ex in them or other dumb shit that doesn't matter like a weird ass anyways. Most of the pictures you found before are literally so deep in my profile I don't even have the patience to scroll that far, yet you do. And that's saying something.

Oh and about the "I asked nicely for you to delete those" load of bullshit. You never asked nicely. You made demands and you made posts ripping on me and calling me a creep over a picture posted YEARS ago my guy. I'm not going pine over my old Facebook posts like you do. Not going to sift through all of my pictures to find the few stray pictures of my ex that may or may not be in there. I deleted the album of our selfies as soon as we broke up, I deleted that old mirror selfie profile picture where he was playing on his computer in the background like you "asked" too and from there, I'll delete anything else I find as I notice them. Because personally I don't want to see his face on my shit either. But you know, I was also thinking - I could tolerate keeping whatever pictures I missed enough just to piss you off. I already blocked his name from my facebook memories which is usually how I see old pictures anyways. It's not like I'll see them all the time like you do, miss "i'm-addicted-to-scrolling-through-Amber's-facebook-feed-over-and-over". I kinda don't want to enable that type of behavior. It's a stupid reason to be so mad first of all, and I think you need to get learned in gaining a higher tolerance to dumb shit so I might leave them up even if I do come across them. Call it exposure therapy. Like seriously dude, please pull the endless stick out of your ass and let it go. My boyfriend's ex still has pictures of him on their profile and I don't give a fuck. Hell, my boyfriend has old ass homecoming pictures with his ex on his profile and I don't give a fuck. I still have my homecoming pictures with my other ex on my facebook, too. I also kept some pictures with a lot of my exes and considering I'm still friends with them. I'm glad I did because we are able to reminisce about good times better. Not relative to our dating life or romantically themed but about specific events that occurred WHEN we dated. I'm glad I didn't delete certain group pictures with one of my exes because they contained some of the few pictures I had with my friend who passed on top of that. Basically, pictures with exes aren't all about romance, and they aren't strictly to be seen in a romantic light. My boyfriend and I don't see it that way, but we're also secure in our relationship, so that's something too. We aren't out here making stupid theories that the only reason we still have some pictures with exes means we want them back because the majority of the time, that isn't the case with people. That's a childish mindset. Not to mention, I didn't mind my ex keeping a few pictures of you in his google photos when we dated as much as I don't like you. I just made sure he deleted your nudes like you "asked," unlike you and him, who apparently kept mine in that Google album that I'm now locked out of. You implied that yourself, which is disgusting.

But anyways, the whole people keeping pictures with their exes is actually a pretty common scenario and most stable people don't give a fuck about stuff like that. The bigger picture is that those photos, whether they are with a person you don't get along with anymore or because you're simply not dating them anymore, are visual representations of a certain point in your life or a good memory that doesn't just have to do with the people in the photo. The whole "erasing your past" thing is actually unhealthy, disconnects you from pieces of your identity, puts you at risk of repeating mistakes, suppresses emotional healing, etc., and pictures most definitely come into play with that. Most people aren't constantly looking at those old photos either, like people aren't always keeping pictures with exes because they still like them or miss them romantically. It's not black and white like that. Pictures with people you don't get along with anymore in general still reflect a part of your life, produce memories, remind you of who you were, and still somewhat define who you are now and that's what all it is. I also think it's important to make yourself capable of separating a good memory from an irrelevant bad situation. And I think you're incredibly weak-minded getting mad about a reminder of his past, and a reminder that would be avoidable if you didn't stalk me on the daily. To me it sounds like "omg amber won't delete a couple stray pictures of my boyfriend to make me stalking her more convenient for me!! 🤬" and it's sick. A toddler throwing a tantrum. A spoiled brat with a fat ego, expecting the people you hurt to walk on eggshells around your mental problems. If you felt secure in your relationship, maintained your emotions like a stable adult, and didn't think black and white with your clearly not treated mood or personality disorder, it wouldn't matter.

And that's just it, I think you should be questioning your own sense of security in your relationship at this point. I really think it comes down to you not feeling secure in your relationship. As well as addiction to stalking me and getting mad when you see things you don't like on my pages, theeeen acting like your lack of emotional control is MY problem. Nah, I really don't want to enable that and I don't think I will.

All in all, I don't think Princess Cece should get what she wants this time for a multitude of reasons and especially not anything from me.

---------‐------------------‐-------------------------

Conclusion:

The bigger picture here is that when I go to your pages, it's because you blatantly stated that they are MEANT for posting about me, you're a legally defined stalker, and I am "documenting everything" related to you stalking me as I was advised to do by law enforcement. And you? You come to my pages screenshotting literally every post I have to make completely unrelated to you, play mental gymnastics trying to convince yourself that it's ALL related to you when it's clearly not, post paragraphs of ass backwards opinions about me, my selfies, my job, etc. for no valid reason, and overall, stalk me. I cannot stress that enough. YOU stalk me. YOU are obsessed with hurting me as well as cancel me and I'm determined to get legal help. You are obsessed with stalking me, and I'm "obsessed" with fighting against it almost purely for my future and safety, as much as I fucking hate feeling like I have to. YOU also enjoy this and I absolutely fucking don't. You and this situation are actually suffocating and I'm fucking tired. And that's the difference. Your intent for coming to my Facebook is to feed your stalking behavior and my intent coming to the dimes-and-nines page, the venomous-spade page, the bleppojello page, and especially the midokioaki page is to hopefully combat them and make it all stop with my documentation one day. Because they are specifically used to talk about, defame, harass, and stalk me for literally no fucking reason and you actually have my initials in one of those blog names. I also have several screenshotted posts in which you say that those blogs are meant for me to read on top of that.

You're the creep here, and you're not convincing me or the hundred plus other people supporting me through this otherwise. You can tailor a tiny circle of weirdos that need mental help just as much as you do or other estranged followers for validation, but at the end of the day there's a whole world out there, and you and I both know the majority isn't supporting what you do to me when I present the necessary evidence. And I'm definitely not letting you escape your past of threatening BOTH my ex and I, exploiting my nudes, doxxing me, and all the other unhinged shit that led up to me documenting all your posts about me in the first place. You're not ever going to erase what really started all of this. It was inexcusable, you know it was inexcusable, you're just mad I expose you, the terrible shit you do deserves discussion and you also know not a single thing I've done is anywhere near comparable to my REACTIONS to what you do to me. That's why you scramble looking for ways to paint me as the villian primarily with ficticious messenger stories by third parties. You know I never did a god damn thing to you besides date your once ex boyfriend and call you out for grooming him and other horrible shit you did after you started making nasty posts about me OVER me dating him and I bit back. The fact that most of what you have ever had to say is either bitching about my REACTIONS to what you do OR things other randoms simply tell you says it all. That's been the most of your posts the past couple years and in general. Hearsay and tantrums over exposure; if not you bullying me out of the blue, screenshotting posts of me in distress over what you do to me and mocking it, or screenshotting every single fucking thing I post on social media in general for absolutely no valid reason other than being a creepy ass obsessive stalker bitch. Or whining about mine and my ex's past relationship in which 101 percent of what you say is either a heavy exaggeration or not true at all. You're weird for all it. Really, really, REALLY fucking weird.

You will never succeed in convincing the whole world much less many people at all that I'm the evil person in this situation, at least not anyone that actually matters or isn't mentally ill like your current group chat "squad", which is all people I'vd never even met besides B who is a renowned pick me key baord warrior in our area. Most people who really know me aren't stupid enough to take your word for things after seeing everything you've done/posted and you're an idiot for thinking that's possibly. And that's also why I think you're mad that I did and still do document all of the nasty things you've done. You know I've never and never will top your insane behavior and I will always have plenty of evidence showing just how bad you really are to me in particular. From the very start to the present. All you will ever have is third party hearsay and a few posts of me trolling you when you started coming at me 5 fucking years ago and before this turned into an obviously serious stalking situation, and me? I have your actual posts and all of the worst ones directed toward me.

I actually found some videos, some my ex recorded with his phone and some I screenrecorded in which you were essentially calling him r**ist and abuser, with his first name, and calling me an abuse supporter for dating him, with my first name. I've been wondering if that's really why he made his name fake on Facebook actually. That's okay though, I have plenty of screenshots that can show the original with his last name blurred out of course, you pick me pussy. I even came across some messages of him and I discussing your r**e accusations in particular. You know, your biggest defense for harassing me all of those years. And low and behold, look who you're engaged to now. And now, you claim you're mad because I abused him when I fucking didn't. When you spent YEARS trying to paint HIM as an abuser? Like seriously dude, you want to go off pointing fingers and call ME an angry person because I posted a reference regarding one of favorite EDM artists while at a festival? Take a look in the god damn mirror. It's you that will never be happy and will always come up with excuses to be angry at me specifically. You would think getting your ex back would have ended all of this, but no you just come up woth even more excuses, change your story, and never shut the fuck up. I'm pretty convinced that you got so caught up in the habit of hating me for years that you don't even know how to function without that attitude and the actions that follow. That's my take. You're pathetic and YOU need help.

I'll post those videos here soon though. In general, I think my main focus will be talking about where all of this actually started and the horrible things you did that led me to documenting the posts on your blogs in the first place. I honestly think you've been trying to distract me from doing that with your other current nonsense the past year and I'm picking up on that. So, we're going to rewind to the roots.

And by the way, I did the math with the screenshots: you have posted about me nearly 5,000 times in five years. And that's a rough estimate assuming it taking an average of 4 screenshots to document each post, so there's probably even more than that. Congratulations on being an absolute psychopath. Your obsession with me is genuinely scary to deal with and you know it. You have actually mocked my distress before. I have every reason to feel uncomfortable and in danger, and every right to document your shit show toward me. I will with no shame.

Get over it. And get over yourself.

[west-tokyo-incidents]

Incorrect quotes because I'm on that bs again. Starts off Puck/Renji but just goes all over the place.

Renji: I owe you one.

Puck: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

---

Puck: Talk dirty to me, baby~

Renji: The dishes.

Puck: Wh-

Renji: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

---

Puck: I'm trash.

Renji: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Puck:

Puck: You smooth motherfucker.

Puck: And yes it does.

---

Renji: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.

Puck: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.

---

Renji: You look good in that hoodie.

Puck: You know where else I'd look good?

Renji, zero hesitation: My bed.

Puck, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

---

Uta: I got an idea!

Renji: Does it involve breaking the law?

Uta: By now don’t you think that’s a given?

Renji: I was just trying to be optimistic.

Uta: Don’t bother.

---

Chiaki: Know why I called you in here?

Uta: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.

Chiaki: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

---

Uta: There. How do I look?

Chiaki: Like a cheap French harlot.

Uta: French?!

---

Chiaki: Who would you swipe right for? Puck or Uta?

Renji: I would delete the app.

---

Puck: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Renji: Um...Neat.

*later*

Renji, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Uta. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Uta, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Renji. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Chiaki confessed their love for me?

Renji: Didn't you thank them?

Uta: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked them.

---

Puck: That's ridiculous, Renji doesn't have a crush on me.

Uta: Yes they do.

Chiaki: Yes they do.

Renji: Yes I do.

---

Chiaki: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.

Uta: *looks over at Renji and Puck* Uta: Is it “sexual tension”?

---

(Post Renji-Uta fight)

Puck: How the hell are you still alive?

Renji: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

---

Uta: There is no i in happyness…

Renji: There is if you fucking spell it right.

---

Renji: That's not funny.

Uta: I thought it was funny.

Renji: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

---

Chiaki: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Uta: Literally or figuratively?

Chiaki: I have to specify?

[artemisbarnowl]

When you're not staying up past your bedtime tell us your thoughts about checking up on people via social media!

Thank you for indulging me this long weekend why would you do this

Warning I'm gonna be pathetic because i am still grieving a nine year relationship and grieving, especially in this context, feels so UNDIGNIFIED. Also its my grieving thoughts about the socials thing not like well srticulated thoughts about the socials with some grieving mixed in. I just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out.

1. Like, ultimately don't. Its not helpful at all i think. Unless if literally is just idle curiosity about what happened to someone in your class from ten years ago and you actually dont care what you find.

2. I am experiencing the urge to check up on my ex CONSTANTLY. (They do not really use social media this doesnt amount to much btw). I understand why people be lurking on someones insta or whatever to see what theyve been up to. Sometimes you hope theyre failing and miserable because they did you wrong and you want to feel validated. In my particular case i am worried, and i miss them. There are no posts for me to see or wonder about so this is useless but i think i also want to see that my ex is sad (because i was important to him for such a long time) but also, not like, too sad. And I'm fantasising about him sort of DOing something about it. I want to see what he's up to. Is is dancing? Is he injured? Is he Making? Is he finding small joys in life like hanging out with friends or seeing a cute creature on a walk? Seeing posts about these things would not help me! Because i would likely assume he was not sad, then i would feel angry and bitter and disappointed in myself for wasting my time. We dont share when we are sad (or why) on socials. I am NEVER going to see a post that effectively says "my smart and beautiful and extraordinary girlfriend of 9 years left me, and I am sad i couldn't be what she needed. I miss her a lot and wish i could have showed her this garden i saw today, she would have loved it. I will never forget her and dont know how to be okay with this". No one is going to see that. But ultimately i think we check up on people because what we want to see is some variation of that, so we can feel validated and know that they UNDERSTAND how were feeling.

Because this is tumblr I have made stupid posts a bit like this! I miss him all the time, i made a facebook post about a doco that I watched in the hopes that he would see it and watch it, because i think he'd like all the adorable english woodland creatures. This is also stupid! As are posts showing how well youre doing in hopes ypur ex seems them and feels stupid. Devoting this much energy to a game in your head where you will never get an outcome that satisfies you cannot help you move on or heal. But i do think its weird that we look for any possible thread that tied us to people we are without, even the terrible online ones that can never retie us! We talk to gravestones like the dead can hear us. I am currently checking my mailbox every day for a letter that might not ever arrive, and even if it does it sure and shit wont contain any information that helps me live my new single life where no one thinks I'm special, and there's no one I'm 100% comfortable to be all of myself around and who I dont get tired of being with.

I will never know if he saw the fb post, let alone watched and had opinions on the doco I talked about. Knowing wont help. He knew i have a tumblr but i dont think he'd go through it as its a huge pile of memes and stuff he wouldnt understand to look for 3 things that say im sad. And again, knowing I'm sad won't help.

Normally im very good at being like "well this is unproductive/not the best course of action" and then, you know, STOPPING but unfortunately I will continue to wonder how he is and what hes up to and cling to actually unreasonable, unfounded fantasies of what happens IF he sees.

Anyway this is a long vent that basically says i think i get why people do it now but ultimately it will never bring the carthsis we hope for (:

He knew i had a tumblr but I dont think he's checking up on me coz. Whats the point. Its a lot of stupid memes for 3 im sad posts. Which accomplish nothing as discussed.

[grandduchesswearingsneakers]

This is wild, I'm in that Feral Neurodivergent Memes group on Facebook. Just saw a comment posted on it that was so so relatable, and I clicked the profile out of curiosity. I saw your tumblr link in the bio and knew it sounded familiar. I think you were literally one of the first people I followed on Tumblr, years ago. Small world!

I hope this isn't odd, but I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you're not alone. I still remember years ago seeing posts you made about AvPD, and it stuck in my mind because it was one of the first places I'd seen it mentioned outside of my googling about it, and that made me feel less alone. So thank you for that.

(I would've commented on fb, but there are just some people on my friends list whom I don't want to see me talking about my mental health. But I'm the one who just heart reacted)

Omg,that’s insane! This is actually the second time this happens ,what are the odds?!

That is so heartwarming 🥹 how lucky I am to have had some-any effect on another person.

I hope your journey for discovery has been proved fruitful and I hope you’ve found ways to heal.

Just wanted to say that your blog pic always stood out to me for some reason, I loved seeing you on here but maybe it’s the time lines, I don’t see you on here as often now.

Thank you for reaching out, sometimes it feels like I don’t exist due to the severe isolation and loneliness,I wish I could explain how much joy this brings.

I wish you best health and good luck in a world that hasn’t been too kind to us. We deserve so much better.

[minutesofaey]

nothing slaps harder than that one meme i saw on Facebook

"sorry for not keeping in touch, i literally have nothing to say"

[psychomoxxie]

70s Breakup Songs, Depression, and Future Freakouts...

I'm writing in -- and am switching back to -- this blog, for this post; it's the oldest blog I have, I think it's been around since 2017 or so, and the other blogs I write in post to this one as well, so there's continuity. The reason being that the Wordpress one is read by the guy I am about to write about...

I recently ended -- or rather fizzled out of -- a short-lived whirlwind romance with someone that turned out to be just...wrong for me. Let's just leave it at that...

Everyone is ultimately looking for connection -- real connection. It's especially so for someone like me, where making connections with people can be so difficult. I have lived a very rough, fraught life thus far, with a lot of loss, a lot of reasons to close myself off. And yet, I still crave the sort of rare connection that will make me feel truly seen, and understood. Because isolation is the road to despair, and I don't need that. Who does? I don't care how strong you are (and I know how strong I am). Everyone needs to feel they are truly seen, and being seen means being accepted, warts and all.

Ok, perhaps I should elaborate. We started a friendship online, and connected intensely in many ways; mainly intellectually. He was brilliant, which, if you know me, you know how appealing that is. However, in person, he was quite narcissistic and self-involved, and I don't mean that in the "I saw some memes on Facebook on narcissism and am talking out of my ass", I mean based on my former college education, and access to the DSM which is sitting several feet away from me on my nightstand, and also growing up with a parent who was one herself.

The first night we met, he went for the jugular by saying something he knew would be hurtful to me, based on our conversations online and on the phone. I should have left then. But, I figured, I was going to give it a chance. Then, a few nights later, we were walking and I told him I was in pain, and couldn't walk fast. So, in response to a rather frustrated comment I made when he kept moving ahead of me, he snapped at me, then the rest of the way walked even farther ahead of me, meanwhile I was limping behind him unable to walk faster -- nor was I willing to try. He knew I was in pain. He was feeling childishly shitty about my comment, and wanted to show me his displeasure. Fuck that I was in pain.

There were other things, as well. Sexually, he was one of the most confused, conflicted, awkward, and closed-off people I've ever met. He misrepresented himself that way, as well; building this tension and illusory feeling of chemistry between us for months, and then, when we met, flipping things completely on their head with how seemingly disconnected he was from me, and more importantly, from his own self.

It was just...very strange how he was an entirely different person once we met, after speaking literally for hours, every day, for months. Somehow, I thought this would be a safer way to go about getting to know a person, after doing it the traditional way my whole life. But, you know what? Once again, I got it wrong. Apparently, I simply just don't know how to get this shit right.

And so, my little kumquats, even after being single for EIGHT YEARS, intentionally, after much soul searching and maturing, I ended up making the same damn mistake, once again. I gave it the old college try for the two weeks he was in town, but after those little stunts he pulled, especially the last one, I was pretty much done.

And so, my dears, I have made a very important decision;

To quote Holly Golightly, I am through playing the field. The field stinks.

In other words, I am through with men. Not because they are evil, or anything like that. But because my radar is broken. I do not know how to choose healthy people in a relationship. I do not choose men who treat me properly. And so, I simply need to stay away from them, period.

I had several long conversations with my very dear friend, S, while all this was going on. She said some very astute things to me. One of which was, I should have left the night he made the shitty comment to me (the very night he arrived, no less). I didn't listen, but moving on...she told me that perhaps I am simply not cut out for long term relationships. I don't have the character makeup or the tolerance that most women seem to have for what most men seem to put women through; the compromises and little deaths of dignity, etc. The abuses, in particular. And I think she is right.

I was enamored for awhile, with this man's intellect, with the way he allowed me to open up, for a time, emotionally; however, it was all a confection, ultimately. None of it was real, because the REAL him was certainly not the person he presented to me online. He presented a false face that was just a reflection of what he knew I valued. In fact, values are what he spoke about a lot.

I live my life doing a lot of service work. Both in my jobs, and in my personal life. I take care of people, and it's what I have been doing for years. Simply because when the situation arises, to me, it's the right thing to do. Lately, I've been taking care of the man I consider to be like a father to me for the past few months, because it's the right thing to do. I'm too sick to work right now, but I take him to the hospital, arrange rides, got his insurance adjusted to cover treatment, make sure there's food in the house (even if it's frozen dinners when I'm too sick to make real food, which has been the case this past week especially). I do what I can, because I love him and it's what you do for family.

This guy, we'll call him Cracker, knew all this about me and sold me on a passel of bullshit about how he was the same way. But when I came to know what he was really about, it was clear he was a person who was able, in person, to only speak boastingly about himself, and things he accomplished years ago. There was no real substance to it.

And when it came to actual kindness, well...as I found out, it was just as shallow as the rest of him. He was -- at least as compared to the circles I move in -- very well off financially. And the funny thing is, this guy was willing to have me eventually move in, get married, and I'd never have to work again. But can you imagine the life I'd have with someone like that? I cannot. I'd wither and die with a life like that.

And that's where the rest of the point of this post comes into play.

Because I've been thinking a lot about my future, lately. My health has been getting worse, and I have nothing set aside for my future. How could I, living paycheck to paycheck for all these years? I've been unable to work for stretches of time due to my health. I've been hospitalized for depression several times, long term, since my son died. I have no safety net at all.

Right now, I have a place for my cats and I to live. But when Joe dies, I have no options. I could literally end up on the streets, and where would my cats end up? I'm even more afraid for them than I am for myself. They could end up in a shelter, and put down. Ok, I'm equally terrified for all three of us.

I've been so good at getting services in place for Joe, but when it comes to getting disability for myself, things are at a standstill. I keep getting blocked at every turn, and I've been unable to work, except for the freelance writing job, which is barely enough to keep us in cat food, were I not sharing expenses here. I need to find a way to get things rolling, get the disability benefits. But it's very difficult, and I fear for where we will end up.

It's clear that I cannot get a job outside the home anymore. The Ehlers Danlos has progressed to the point where I am in constant pain, and exhausted all day. I need to lay down most of the time. After coming home from Joe's hospital visits, I have to go straight to bed, and rest. This is my reality, now. And it is terrifying to think what will happen once he's gone.

I’ve been proposed to by another male friend, recently, but it’s just another trap, ultimately. He’s in love with me, and I don’t return the feelings. 

How easy it would be if I could be the kind of woman who could compromise herself for her own security. I wish I could. Maybe I’m stupid for not doing so. But I just CAN’T. And I feel this dreadful sense of urgency now to figure things out, but what kind of future is in store for a chronically ill middle aged woman whose only talent is writing? And whose depression seems to be getting worse. 

I have been trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for months now, since my healthcare was finally reinstated via public aid, and it’s getting to the point where I’m not sure what to do. I called my doctor for a referral yet again today, so we will see what happens. I’m at least on mood stabilizers, but I need another medication as well, and I can’t take SSRI’s because of the bipolar piece. I don’t get manic often, but SSRI’s will kick me into a manic episode within a month, so I need some kind of solution. 

I am probably going to find some way to figure this all out, eventually. But I have no idea right now what that might be, because I’m so depressed that it’s hard to find my way through the web of complications and inability to see a real future for myself. I cannot — WILL not — latch onto some fucked up relationship in order to “save myself”, because that would kill my soul. 

Let’s hope it doesn’t literally kill me, because I end up on the street with no other options. I’m too old for that shit. 

But this is the life I choose — to be as true to myself and my reality as I can be. I cannot live a lie; I can’t marry someone to benefit myself, as easy as it would make my life. I cannot compromise myself that way. Maybe it’s crazy, to value my freedom and my ability to be mySELF more than my security. But anything else seems like a trap to me. And so, I MUST figure out some alternative. I certainly didn’t plan for my life to turn out this way. My health wasn’t supposed to deteriorate when I hit my late 20s. My son wasn’t supposed to die at the age of 19, spiraling me into a depression that I fight daily. I wasn’t “supposed” to be born with a mentally interesting brain that makes it five times as hard to manage all of the above. But, that’s the way the cookie crumbles, as my grandmother was fond of saying. 

If I had money, this would all be manageable. But, I don’t. And although that’s unfair as fuck, and ridiculous, it’s reality. And I need to figure it all out, somehow, and I need to do it soon. But getting on disability is worse than the government machinations in the movie Brazil, and I am very nervous indeed for my future. 

Well, this has been a rousing post, I know. But my prospects are looking grim, and everything is colored by my current depression. I try to live my life doing the RIGHT thing, as opposed to the easy, or self-serving thing. It’s foolish to hope that somehow it pays off, but I keep hoping that if there is such a thing as karma, maybe I will be alright in the end. Me and my cats. Because without them, I’d be lost. They keep me sane. 

I just want a peaceful life, maybe with a roommate or two, with my cats; some plants and some sunshine. Nice people. Music. And for god’s sake, some stability.  I could see continuing to live with Max as a roommate, in future, once I have some sort of income via disability or whatever shakes out (and there will be SOMETHING, I know I'll figure something out, one way or another, I always do). But I absolutely cannot continue to live with Saorsie. I have had enough of living with the insanity and chaos of addicts for at least six lifetimes. But that is up to him, and a conversation for another day. And I don't have any idea what his plans are for when Joe is no longer with us.

All I know is that I want peace.

Is that too much to ask? Like the song says -- I will survive.

At least, I bloody well hope so.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Get Out

My kid brother posted this meme on Facebook stating that the best games from the PS2 era were Resident Evil 4 (Which, f*ck no, that port was trash!), Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and Need For Speed: Underground 2. Personally, i disagree. My list would be Persona 3 Fes, NBA Street vol. 2, and Tekken 5, in that order, with Grand Theft Auto: Vice City coming in at a close fourth place. Why isn't San Andreas on that list? Because i f*cking hate it. Now, don't misunderstand me, as a game, it's unassailable and deserves all of the shine it gets. Mechanically, what Rock Star was able to do with that title, pushing the PS2 to it's absolute limits in order to develop a true classic of the genre, is definitely worth mentioning. I give them full marks for that. No, my beef is with the actual content of the game. The very idea of San Andreas is offensive to me, and the fact that it's so popular only compounds that ire. That's my life. I was the black kid who grew up in the ghetto during the Nineties. That's a lived experience for me and, even though it's a game with made up scenarios that go way over the top towards the end, it still felt like disrespect. Rockstar made light of all that violent sh*t, all of those horrible experiences I endured at an age where I should have only been concerned about toys and cooties, and sold it. That sh*t wasn't fun. It wasn't a game. I ad two guns pulled on me before I made it to the sixth grade. The firs time a cop saw me as a threat, I was four years old. I've been to three separate house parties that have been aired out. That means shot up for those of you who aren't from where I'm from. When you're in it, its life. It's every day sh*t. When I got out of it, when I survived my statistical death and/or incarceration, looking back on all that sh*t, it was f*cked up. It shouldn't be a goddamn video game. I know people who weren't fast enough to get out of those parties. I know people who were in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and cat a wayward bullet. That sh*t isn't something i can just “turn off” and walk away from. I carry those experiences with me everywhere. They informed my entire life, for better or worse, so to see a goddamn video game portray them to the masses with suck flippancy, is f*cking infuriating.

San Andreas wasn't a loving satire like Friday or an introspection like Boyz n the Hood. It felt like the Rockstar developers just watched a bunch of hood films and made one themselves. It felt like a bunch of white boys watched Menace II Society and said, "I want to do that." So they did. And then it got worse. San Andreas got so big because suburban white kids made it that way. I'm not one to hoard my culture from anyone. Black people make dope sh*t. From music, to fashion, to food; Out culture is f*cking dope. Literally, when people say anything about “American” culture, it's almost all black. We created Blues. We created Rock n Roll. We created Rap and Hip Hop. We made Nike a thing. Friends exists because Living Single f*cking killed. The CW exists today because we, as black people, supported them for years in the ratings. Same with Fox. Blackness, black people, are the backbone of everything “American” and we have to survive in a country that fetishizes our struggle, but hates us for that struggle. “Everybody wanna be a n*gga, but don't nobody wanna be a n*gga.” Paul Mooney, rest in peace, was speaking truth to power with that statement and San Andreas is the physical manifestation of that sentiment. Much like everything we produce, white people co-opted it and decided to make it their own. My lived experience was turned into a goddamn video game for white, suburban, consumption and, just like my music, they took that sh*t and ran. Motherf*ckers made that sh*t the best selling game on the PS2. Think about that; San Andreas sold MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of copies, topping all-time best selling charts because of white dollars. Now juxtapose that against the content of said game and tell me I'm talking out my ass.. San Andreas sold so well so non-black kids could detach themselves from the reality of that life, and safely cosplay as poor black kids from the hood. If games are a form of wish fulfillment and escapism, then these privileged white kids were making light of me entire goddamn life! Pretending to be a gang-banging gangster was a game to them. Running from strays was fun for them. Moving drugs and getting caused by cops was this make believe life they could just save and walk away from when they were finished. How is that not wildly f*cked up? It's super weird to me more black folks don't take issue with that. I'm not saying San Andreas is racist or that you're a bigot for enjoying it, I'm saying the game, itself, is problematic as f*ck and if we're looking back to hold ourselves accountable, I feel like this thing should really be addressed as well.

[smokeybrand]

Get Out

My kid brother posted this meme on Facebook stating that the best games from the PS2 era were Resident Evil 4 (Which, f*ck no, that port was trash!), Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and Need For Speed: Underground 2. Personally, i disagree. My list would be Persona 3 Fes, NBA Street vol. 2, and Tekken 5, in that order, with Grand Theft Auto: Vice City coming in at a close fourth place. Why isn't San Andreas on that list? Because i f*cking hate it. Now, don't misunderstand me, as a game, it's unassailable and deserves all of the shine it gets. Mechanically, what Rock Star was able to do with that title, pushing the PS2 to it's absolute limits in order to develop a true classic of the genre, is definitely worth mentioning. I give them full marks for that. No, my beef is with the actual content of the game. The very idea of San Andreas is offensive to me, and the fact that it's so popular only compounds that ire. That's my life. I was the black kid who grew up in the ghetto during the Nineties. That's a lived experience for me and, even though it's a game with made up scenarios that go way over the top towards the end, it still felt like disrespect. Rockstar made light of all that violent sh*t, all of those horrible experiences I endured at an age where I should have only been concerned about toys and cooties, and sold it. That sh*t wasn't fun. It wasn't a game. I ad two guns pulled on me before I made it to the sixth grade. The firs time a cop saw me as a threat, I was four years old. I've been to three separate house parties that have been aired out. That means shot up for those of you who aren't from where I'm from. When you're in it, its life. It's every day sh*t. When I got out of it, when I survived my statistical death and/or incarceration, looking back on all that sh*t, it was f*cked up. It shouldn't be a goddamn video game. I know people who weren't fast enough to get out of those parties. I know people who were in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and cat a wayward bullet. That sh*t isn't something i can just “turn off” and walk away from. I carry those experiences with me everywhere. They informed my entire life, for better or worse, so to see a goddamn video game portray them to the masses with suck flippancy, is f*cking infuriating.

San Andreas wasn't a loving satire like Friday or an introspection like Boyz n the Hood. It felt like the Rockstar developers just watched a bunch of hood films and made one themselves. It felt like a bunch of white boys watched Menace II Society and said, "I want to do that." So they did. And then it got worse. San Andreas got so big because suburban white kids made it that way. I'm not one to hoard my culture from anyone. Black people make dope sh*t. From music, to fashion, to food; Out culture is f*cking dope. Literally, when people say anything about “American” culture, it's almost all black. We created Blues. We created Rock n Roll. We created Rap and Hip Hop. We made Nike a thing. Friends exists because Living Single f*cking killed. The CW exists today because we, as black people, supported them for years in the ratings. Same with Fox. Blackness, black people, are the backbone of everything “American” and we have to survive in a country that fetishizes our struggle, but hates us for that struggle. “Everybody wanna be a n*gga, but don't nobody wanna be a n*gga.” Paul Mooney, rest in peace, was speaking truth to power with that statement and San Andreas is the physical manifestation of that sentiment. Much like everything we produce, white people co-opted it and decided to make it their own. My lived experience was turned into a goddamn video game for white, suburban, consumption and, just like my music, they took that sh*t and ran. Motherf*ckers made that sh*t the best selling game on the PS2. Think about that; San Andreas sold MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of copies, topping all-time best selling charts because of white dollars. Now juxtapose that against the content of said game and tell me I'm talking out my ass.. San Andreas sold so well so non-black kids could detach themselves from the reality of that life, and safely cosplay as poor black kids from the hood. If games are a form of wish fulfillment and escapism, then these privileged white kids were making light of me entire goddamn life! Pretending to be a gang-banging gangster was a game to them. Running from strays was fun for them. Moving drugs and getting caused by cops was this make believe life they could just save and walk away from when they were finished. How is that not wildly f*cked up? It's super weird to me more black folks don't take issue with that. I'm not saying San Andreas is racist or that you're a bigot for enjoying it, I'm saying the game, itself, is problematic as f*ck and if we're looking back to hold ourselves accountable, I feel like this thing should really be addressed as well.

[thenightling]

A malicious "meme" has been circulating in Goth and Gothic themed Facebook groups. The main source is an account named "Thomas Thomas" that I suspect is a bot account designed to cause discord in Gothic circles. Rather than write something new, here is what I said about it in my Sandman Facebook group.

____________________________

I just saw a post with a "meme" of "Real Goths" and a "Poseur" depicted as a little girl in Goth clothing who likes the look and is into faeries but isn't a fan of Goth music. The post even attempted to lampshade itself by acting like anyone who would call this behavior gatekeeping is an idiot or not a true Goth.

This is NOT a group to post pretentious garbage shaming people for liking Goth aesthetic. If someone likes the look, the ambiance, the mood, the themes, and isn't a fan of the music, you have no right to tell them how to dress or what they can or cannot love. If someone likes Goth aesthetic but isn't a fan of the music... Leave them alone.

It could be that they are "Gothic" in a love of Gothic literature, film, or other media. No one ever told the Addams Family that they have to listen to The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, or Aurelio Voltaire (though they probably would love Voltaire).

Yes, Goth is about the music. But you are deliberately shaming people for having an interest in a Goth Aesthetic, there is a difference.

Neo Victorian is also a subset of Goth but you won't find any true Victorian Goth music.

And no, you don't need to know the whole history of the Punk scene but it does help and The Ramones song Pet Sematary (deliberately misspelt as it is named for the Stephen King novel) is very Goth.

Whether you want to accept it or not, there ARE different kinds of Goth. Making a "meme" acting like some Baby Bat can't like Goth aesthtics just because she's not into the music and likes faeries is not okay! Stop acting like pretentious teenagers! Saying "It's not gatekeeping" doesn't make it any less gatekeeping.

What are you doing?! What the Hell do you think you're doing?! Shaming children for dipping their toes in? Trying to scare them away? And you don't think that's Gatekeeping and even go "it's not Gatekeeping" to lampshade it!

I don't know what possessed you to think I'd be okay with that kind of "It's not gatekeeping!" post here.

KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

The anti-faeries thing was odd considering Maleficent, and the folkloric presence of things like the Dullahan (headless Horsemen), goblins, Banshees, and Red caps (who literally soak their caps in the blood of those they killed). A Banshee is a type of faary. Bean Sidhe (Lady Faery). Souls of the dead can become fae in Irish tradition. And there is a very popular Goth band named for Banshees. I have banned the person who made the post with the "not gatekeeping" "meme" because of the conspicuous picture of random white guy in sunglasses (the common troll account picture now). The account name was "Thomas Thomas." (That looks SO real...) And he only had one follower.

Those of you that commented and AGREED with him, you are ALL on thin ice! How DARE you act this way here! How DARE you call yourselves Goth and then gatekeep while saying you're not gatekeeping. How DARE you treat newbies this way! How DARE you!

I consider myself Goth but I don't feel the need to like *All* Goth music. In fact, technically, my favorite 80s band is New Wave (Oingo Boingo) followed closely by Queen and David Bowie. Shall I turn in my Goth card?