#i literally feel ill even now. im mostly okay now but its also.... god.

[forgetmenotsystem]

.

[vaugarde]

damn they were not subtle with dedede turning the forest into a golf course specifically

[owleics-fr]

.

[marsbotz]

hello I keep seeing u talk ab loving skybound but I'm curious as to why u love it, and would LOVE to read a super in-depth explanation bc im kinda a skybound notliker and ik uve changed my mind on certain thigns ab this show b4, and I was hoping u cld do it again !!! :DDD /gen

YEAH. OKAY !!! sorry this is super long and rambly i already had to rewrite it once cus tumblr ate it lol... and also sorry its all basically abt jay (running away embarrassed)

first of all let me say i do think skybound is a BAD season. having the characters suddenly all be sexist out of nowhere to drive plot is stupidddd and so is having a retcon ending that makes it all redundant except for Jaya Canon Now. i think thats mostly what makes the fandom not like it. BUT. i think its sooo interesting for like so many reasons also

i think s8 is considered the darkest season which is fair. but skybound also has a crazyyy amount of dark and DEEPLY interesting things it touches on. the ninja disappearing one by one. jays birth father being his favourite actor. jay torture. jaya actually being interesting!! lets talk abt these.

having the ninja slowly be cut out of the season is GREAT for not only building tension but also being able to more deeply build upon jay and nyas characters (and their relationship). the 22 min format means that some characters (like wu and kai) are gone for AGES. which is sad for kai fans but greatttt for the season. it rlly makes u feel their absence, and some of their disappearances are scary!! zane trying to outsmart nadakhan but realising too late hes been tricked... AHH!!!

if you compare this to how they did it in s12 its a lot more impactful as theres more time for the characters to... be gone. and the videogame nature rlly does take away a lot of the tension IMO. if jays mothers had been in prime empire like planned.... it would have been a GREAT parallel i think but as it is its just kind of odd. thats another convo tho lol (altho there issss the mention of jay being adopted at the end. very interesting [it goes nowhere])

i literally think abt jay adoption arc every god damn day of my life. ill try to explain this without getting too deep into my personal sicko hcs lol. first you get a rlly nice callback to s1 w jay being ashamed of his parents and living in a junkyard only to realise how litte he cares once theyre threatened. thennn you have the whole situation at cliffs house. jay finds out the man who abandoned him at birth (possibly? we dont know details) is the actor for fritz donnegan. the same character who jay imitated and aspired to be like. and then he realises his father felt the same admiration towards jay!! and they both never knew!!!

i think this twist is what makes a lot of jays behaviour in s6.... not excusable... but understandable. jay is shown to be insecure and have weird fucking ways of coping with this (lying. lying lying all the time) and so it kinda feels natural that his way of coping with this information would be to 1. hide the fact he made wishes 2. try to imitate his father through his book and 3. Never Speak Of This Again.

speaking of that lets talk about jay being tortured. can we talk about that?? they FUCKED him up. but the most important part out of allll of it is a character trait i rarely see ppl attribute to jay even though its like... pretty consistent for him. is his willpower!! hes able to endure days of torture to the point where he can barely walk and talk at the end of it just to stop nadakhan from gaining more power

nadakhan also directly points out jays insecurities and how they make him lie to his friends... and jays able to show some of his smarts thru trying to get flintlocke to stage a mutiny! honestly the whole episode is so damn interesting it makes me SEETHE its not more talked abt LOL

i wont get into my insanely complex jaya opinions rn but i will say s6 has one of the most interesting depictions of the ship to me. nya being reluctant to date jay due to being seen simply as his girlfriend is soooo interesting and fits well w her arc of not wanting to give up her own deal w sam x to become a ninja. its just a shame they had to retroactively make everyone misogynistic to do so lolol... and the ending w jays wish Potentially forcing them together is soooo odd and kinda goes what the rest of the season was setting up for them. THIS IS MAINLY why i think ppl hate this season. cus it sets up SOOO much cool stuff and then drops it all last second

i think the things that could have saved skybound from being so hated would be

1. do the same plotpoints w nya but dont drag the ninja AND DARETH into it ..... make them supportive of her!

2. makes jays final wish have some FUCKING consequence! you could do a LOT with how he worded it to twist it badly (im a nadakhan return truther for life)

3. not dropping every single intersting character trait ever. and also not dropping the GOD DAMN ADOPTION ARCCCCCC and also not revealing jay to be so crushingly insecure he physically cannot stop himself from lying to ppl and putting on a happy mask and then turn him into a one note comic relief character. [becoming a soulless husk]

LOL i realise this sounds now like i hate skybound I DONT i just think its very flawed. BUT thats whyyyy i love it... because its so interesting! its flawed in a way like "there is soooo much i cld do w this" and not like "i dont care about any of this its so bad". w ninjago my fav parts have always been the weird icky edgy parts that are almost too much for what it is... which is a childrens lego show. ik they cld never have done most of the interesting stuff i imagine coming out of skybound and thats ok! bc i get to think abt it evilly.

heres some assorted things i love and think are fun in skybound

kai and zane banter at the repo yard

ronin capturing the ninja!! specifically him shutting down zane from the inside is super scary and cool

NINJA IN PRISON!!!!! i almost threw up when they went to jail in crystallised its so fuckign fun. SKYBOUND 2!!!

zane playing chess against nadakahn. another scary zane moment

jay trusting only cole w the truth abt his wishes (HELL YES BROTHER)

clanceeeeee <3 him being like one sided friends w jay and standing up to nadakhan at the end of it all... wahhh

NINJA REPLACEMENTS. so fucking funny i love jay and his assortment of old guys And Skylor

everytime i watch it i cant stop thinking of this ytp and it makes me cry. its not even that funny i just have watched it like 50 times

its dungeon media. this is smth i made up and only i know abt . dont worry abt it but its true

ok my brain is mush HOPE THIS MAKES. some sort of sense . bascially trying to condense 6 years of Thoughts into coherent analysis is impossible for me LOL

[ziracona]

hhhh okay, now im wondering: on the topic of adiris and max being left to face the displeasure of the entity after ilm, and yeah we can all figure it would be downright unpleasant, but now i wonder... in From the Earth, you established that adiris is kind of the representative of an entire village of people. is that canon to ILM?

if it is, was that village thrown into the trial system in ILM? cuz i got this incredibly unpleasant mental image of poor adiris trying to placate her really pissed off god and it Not Working, and she finds herself on both sides of the stick, being forced to hunt the people from her village and also sometimes thrown into matches /with/ them against other reapers. the agony of poor adiris, who tries so hard to protect her people, being forced to hunt and sacrifice them to a god that had been harsh but... still hers, ya know? would she be able to maintain her faith in the Entity through that?

or even, in another bad timeline, when the entity starts gathering other survivors after recovering, what if it takes the dedicated village area away from adiris, tells her she needs to 'earn' her people back, and scatters the survivors into the forest to mix in with the other people it's gathered. dangling the carrot of reunification in front if adiris to force her to perform better, be even more cruel to people she's trying to save.

i have a lot of feelings about her, okay.

It could definitely do that to ring up some quick emotional pain, but I doubt it would. It’s got /such/ a good thing going with Adiris and her people—Adiris is utterly devoted to it. Nothing else there actually worships it: she does. And her entire town willingly sacrifices themselves routinely and live in a constant state of agony from their illness. They’re an unending, willing food source of both pain and joy, and it has like, 0 upkeep work. It just has to put in an occasional appearance, and get worshiped. Adiris speaks a language literally no one it ever takes is going to know, so no one can even try to talk her out of things. She’s got a whole village to keep her on its side, and she’s convinced the Entity is a big G god who sees her as special and saved her and her followers’ lives and made her a high priestess as an honor, which is like, what she dreamed of her whole life. I don’t think it would jeopardize that level of a sweet deal, without a damn good reason. It’s like with an emotionally manipulative and abusive partner or parent: they don’t threaten to kill you or your dog, unless you already are starting to get out from under their thumb. If you’re right where they want you, they won’t mess up a ‘good’ thing.

It would be terrible for Adiris if it did change, though. And it would have to do some major work to convince her it had a valid reason, which is a big reason it wouldn’t do that. She is like…/the/ perfect find for it. Most killers are afraid or opportunistic or broken or literally being forced every step: Adiris sincerely loves and would die for it. She’s one of a kind.

She really is. FtEoNR would have so much happen if I kept going. In my head, it’s probably got the coolest finale.

But yeah, mostly it was Max who lost out and went through hell post ILM

[go-to-the-mirror]

headinhands

im not ready for threshold guys! im not! im really not! ive just woken up! oh god, whyyy why must i? it's not fair, it's not fair that i have to do this god damnit.

I'm in shambles and we haven't even started yet.

it's fine. it is fine. alright. lets just. go for it.

hi @a-mag-a-day, threshold time! Mostly rambling, always great words, if I tag it with meta, that means it's GREAT words. You know the drill.

I think it's really cool that this is a continuation/related to a season 1 statement. It really shows how much Jon's changed throughout the years.

He’s just a lonely old man looking for attention and trying to manipulate me into moving back in with him, even though I’ve told him so many times that that’s just not going to happen.

I just feel bad for both of them, both Paul and Marcus. How Paul's actually experiencing this, but Marcus is so... distrustful, for a good reason, that he doesn't believe Paul. That if it just happened a little sooner together then they'd have been able to help each other, but instead all they were able to do was make things worse.

Parallels to Jon and Helen or am I reading too much into it?

And I don’t like being manipulated. I don’t like being lied to.

The Spiral and The Web are pretty similar, you know. What with the whole gaslighting thing of The Spiral, make you doubt yourself, but that's also like manipulation, you know? Can I just gesture to Helen and Jon's whole thing as The Spiral also being a bit of a manipulation fear, because like... yea.

When I was thirteen, it was underneath a railway bridge. It was huge and metal this time, with solid iron bolts sealing it shut and a thick chain stretched across it. The warning stickers had long since peeled off, and someone had scrawled in chalk: ‘Warning: Danger of death.’ As I passed, something heavy began to bang on the other side, sending the chain dancing. It pounded again and again, and I didn’t know if it was trying to force its way out, or politely knocking, hoping to be let in.

Aaaa! Spooky! This statement is, yeah, it's scary, and really cool. I just nhhnhrnnh 10/10! it's so snazzy! This episode as a whole, mate, it's just great.

I was trying so hard to walk carefully, to seem like I wasn’t drunk, that I almost didn’t notice it until it was too late.

My drama teacher says that to act drunk you need to act like you aren't drunk. Like, act like you're acting like you're not drunk. You get it? I've never needed to act like I'm drunk so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He just wants me to move back in with him, and I can’t. I just can’t. Sometimes, you just have to leave, even if what’s on the other side scares you.

A mic-drop ending again, yay! God, the way the statements end are always so cool, this is one of the most cool ones.

I never thought I’d miss those days, when I could throw out some half-baked speculation about drug abuse or mental illness and, woosh, away all the statements went.

I'm fine okay, it's fucking fine. It's so fine, I'm so fine, like so fucking fine, so much fineness in me. It's like! For Paul MacKensie, he can say that, he can say there's too much that doesn't add up, and that he wants to believe it but can't, he can fucking say that.

But he can't say that about this, he's mag 41 too deep. PODDED CAST!

AAA

But no, almost every one of those statements, those people … That poor old man. Like I can talk. Like I’m in any position to mourn the suffering of the innocent.

So, I was looking through old dms to find my reactions to threshold, and I found something, not on a first listen but here it is:

Last night I was thinking about Jon's line in threshold "Like I can talk. Like I'm in any position to mourn the suffering of the innocent," and literally crying. And thinking about how yk none of the avatars see themselves as undeserving of what they got, right, none of them. And I'm sad about that. It is not only the innocent that suffer. I have so many feelings about Mike Crew now you don't even know girls when girls when (gender neutral) they have a years long villain arc and at the end of it they can't recognize their former self This is about Jon and Mike Crew and Helen and Jude Perry and Hh

(messages to mapleejay (follow it) on the 28th December, 2022)

But there is one thing I know an awful lot better now than I did when I read his father’s statement. I know an awful lot more about doors.

FUCK DUDE YOU SURE DO!

I love him so much.

HELEN You rang? ARCHIVIST Marcus MacKenzie. Why didn’t you tell me? HELEN Is that name supposed to mean something to me? ARCHIVIST No, I suppose it wouldn’t, would it? Just an old man and his son for you to terrorise and feast on.

AAAAAAA JSWDAESDAFIJA THIS THIS ALRIGHT LIKE-

Okay, Jon's fucked up, he has fucked up, but he remembers their names, right? He remembers them. Jess Tirrell. Floyd Matharu. The others that we don't know the names of. Absolutely not proportional, Jon why the fuck did you do that, but like, hey, at least they're still people to him.

Also... "why didn't you tell me?" This implies they've been talking enough for Helen to have told him, which does make sense, actually. I have headcanons post-131. Well, post-132, when Jon's not throwing himself in a coffin, you know?

HELEN Ah, well, the son I was pursuing long before I was even Michael. And technically, I didn’t eat the old man. He passed away from terror before I even got a chance to open properly. ARCHIVIST And his son? Marcus? He was fine when I found his father’s statement two years ago, but now, suddenly, I can’t get through to him. HELEN No, I imagine not. I decided it was time to finish that game a few months ago. ARCHIVIST You… Why?

He sounds so bloody frantic, and just... oh my god just the way he's speaking, frantic and horrified, should he have known that this is what he'd get when he befriended monsters.

Aaaaa threshold <333

HELEN Not sure. I suppose Helen didn’t have quite the same attachment to him as a project. I’m not quite as much for decades-long campaigns of subtle terror these days. ARCHIVIST That’s horrible. HELEN Is it? We do what we need to do when it comes to feeding, don’t we? … Don’t we, Archivist? ARCHIVIST (Softly) Yes.

SCRATCHING AT THE WALLS HNNHHNRNHR

OH MY GODD I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYY IM JUST- AAAAAA SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING JON LIKE A CAT!

I had good words a while ago, again to @mapleejay

ME: To be fair the entire fandom's jon loosing their mind episodes are like the same (A Guest For Mr. Spider, Scrutiny, Can't even type scrutiny Uh the eye opens MAPLEEJAY: true ME: Feel like we as a society should be more obsessed with helen and jon MAPLEEJAY: relistening to the coming storm Again TRUEEE ME: And also whatever the hell eye contact was NO ONE TALKS ABOUT EITHER OF THEM AND HERE I AM ROTATING THEM IN MY BRAIN MAPLEEJAY: punching them beating them up /pos ME: Diversity loss! The distortion is a tory MAPLEEJAY: HAGAGDHQHD ME: But like also jokes aside oh my god them. Like hhhh - the new door where jon saw himself in helen and then helen IMMEDIATELY died - another twist where jon was about to die just like helen did and helen saved him (i actually never fucking saw- JUST LIKE HELEN DID [transcribers note: probably is drawing parallels between Jon almost dying to Michael, and Helen actually dying, and Helen being able to save Jon]) - taking stock where helen asks jon for help when SHE takes someone - threshold where JON goes to HELEN and HELEN (fuck why are they so similar) JON GOES TO HELEN BECAUSE SHE KILLED SOMEONE AND HELEN THROWS HIS VICTIMS BACK IN HIS FACE - a gravedigger's envy where theyRE BLOODY HHHHH WHY NO OK BECAUSE THE HELEN JON DAISY TRIO REFLECT OFF EACH OTHER AND I HATE THEM >:( - checking out WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE EPISODE WHERE MARTIN TALKS TO HIMSELF MIND AND IS LITERALLY THE MOST HONEST WE SEE HIM IN THE WHOLE SEASON LIKE NOT THAT HES LYING TO MARTIN BUT THAT HE'S NOT TRYING WITH HELEN *shaking them vigorously* fucking die

(10th January, 2023)

they. fuck them. god damnit, them <3

HELEN It would be better if you embraced it.

(MAG 146 - Threshold)

HELEN Oh Jon! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it. ARCHIVIST (Sadly) I know.

(MAG 187 - Checking Out)

MARTIN Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess. ARCHIVIST She didn’t even try.

(MAG 188 - Centre of Attention)

Jon and Helen ✨ feelings ✨

I have highlighted those specific lines together so much, like... they just fit. Throwing them at a wall.

ARCHIVIST Were you controlled? HELEN What a delightful thought. I don’t believe so, no, but the Spider’s strings are subtle, so I suppose it’s not impossible. Why? ARCHIVIST I want to know. Can The Web control another avatar, one that serves a different power? Make them do things they don’t want to. Make them find victims, feed. (Helen laughs.) HELEN Perhaps. Perhaps not. Would that make life easier for you? Are you so sure you didn’t want to? (Helen laughs again.)

[ID: CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST Been a while since you’ve all come to see me together. I assume it’s not good news.

It starts with him being all... sarcastic and stuff, and then he's like Oh Shit. Oh Fuck. Oh No.

ARCHIVIST And what exactly is on this t— Oh.

OH BOY! OH GOODIE!

oh boy...

oh boy...

BASIRA How many? ARCHIVIST Basira, I— BASIRA How many? ARCHIVIST Four. MELANIE Jesus. BASIRA Including the one on the boat? DAISY What one on the boat? ARCHIVIST Including Floyd, five. MELANIE Jesus.

Firstly, like great voice acting, all of them, all of them. Yeah... I'm not going to say the secondly :D

ARCHIVIST Jess Tirrell, the woman on the tape, she was the fourth. I’d just tried to… I was weak, ravenous. I didn’t feel… The first was a supermarket cleaner, ended up lost for a weak in an endless warehouse. I didn’t even… I just went in for some shopping and he was there and I just… asked. The second was… It was after I got stabbed by Melanie. MELANIE You are not putting this on me. ARCHIVIST No, that’s not what I meant. I was walking the streets; I thought I was trying to clear my head. DAISY But you were hunting. ARCHIVIST Apparently. And I found a woman who, every year on her birthday, wakes up in a fresh grave, just for her. DAISY And the third was after the coffin. ARCHIVIST A man rejected by all who knew him, searching ever darker places for love. When he told me his story, he started weeping maggots. BASIRA Enough. ARCHIVIST I hope so.

IM USUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT WORDING MY THOUGHTS OKAY JUST-

You know what, take a gander through annabelle--cane's tumblr, it has good words. I just sort of went through his tma tag for a while ajsjdjhfs.

BASIRA You’re a danger, Jon, a monster. You’re hurting innocent people. ARCHIVIST So did Daisy. BASIRA Shut up! It’s not the same thing at all!

Like, Basira what the fuck, she's just... she's all like oh wow daisy's better for resisting, meanwhile trying to get daisy to hunt again, enabling her when she did, making all these excuses for as to why daisy's actually better and what she did wasn't wrong and awful.

Yes, I get that that's the whole point of Daisy and Basira as characters.

BASIRA I’ll tell you all what I find. Don’t let him eat anyone’s brain while I’m gone. ARCHIVIST That’s not what I do.

HE SOUNDS LIKE HES SULKING, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

I don't have a conclusion. Shaking Jon and Helen I love them so much. I still need a jon and helen tag. Threshold (starts fucking crying)

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin ��😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[think-it-through]

hello tumblr. here i am w another thit in ur face.

today s topic.

my mental instability, diagnoses, and other such beautiful things. but mostly, me, breaking down.

why is it so goddamn hard to get an evaluation when you need one. i need one because i am in a horrible mental state and have been in a similar state mkst of my life and then IT ALSO. heightened. so much in the past year.

one year ago i was quite happy. happiest ive ever been even. i met my partner, i was doing great at school. i had a good relationship with myself.

also one year ago in a week from now. exactly a week since today. is when my grandpa passed away and then it all went to shit!!! my health (physical) my health (mental) my relationship with myself (quaking) my trust in my ability to perform well professionally (currently invisible and yet still somehow present).

in the process of this horrible fall i found out one of my parents has previously been in a mental health hospital and the other one has a diagnosis. HA! who would've thought!!! NOT ME. because god forbid they taught me how they cope with their mental health nono.

the coping is "don't stress" and "crying won't solve anything" and "you'll grow out of it". WELL. GUESS WHAT MUM. i grew INTO IT.

phew. it feels weird to put all this in a positivity blog but it is my blog and i love it and positivity helps cus YES. LOVE PREVAILS. BUT IT DOES NOT NEGATE THE STRUGGLE AND THE BAD. it can still struggle while loved.

and i really. really. want to be better. so bad. sosososososoosososo bad. however! :( however! it has not been working. a self care shower and cutting my nails does nkt help. crying every day does not help. writing from time to time does not help. it helps. but it doesn't take away the pain in my chest, my urge to randomly do very bad things to myself, my fear of the future and my fear of everything. my fear of what people think of me when i am not mentally healthy. my fear ill be stuck in this. my fear ill be just like my father. my fear that I will end up doing all those bad things to myself. my fear that i wjll be a good for nothing living off of my parents mlney. my exhaustion with every daily task. my sleep issues.

but, most of all. nothing takes away the pain in my chest and my confidence that i am not a good person. that i am not capable. that i am abnormal. that i dont do enough. that i dont try enough. that i am a spoiled brat good for nothing fake nice person.

which? wtf what bad person would be so genuinely preoccupied and eaten the fuck up about being a good person. and not in a "performative activism" way but in a. i need to help make the fucked up world better. i need to. i have to. i want to. but am i doing enough. am i. am i? am i????

-

i.. idk! let me try and be grateful. i love my family. i love my partner. i love my friends. i did so much this year that i really thought I would not be able to do and i did it pretty damn good while also trying to not overwork myself. i. did my best. with my best intentions for myself and everyone. so. yeah. isn't that all i can do? what more do i want from myself?

i just. i think so much. so much. bit ironic since this blog is called think-it-through. but its in a sense of thinking it through when u see bad stuff. weighing in the good stuff. or idk. i didnt think that much when i did choose it.

it's going to be okay. not everything is my responsibility. nothing is in my control actually. i am safe for today no matter what decisions i take and what things i can do. sometimes(always) stuff like being sleepy, depressed anxious and procrastinating is NOT a decision. it is not. i need to give myself a break.

i have literally been growing (typo from going. but truly I've been growing) through the worst of my life in the last 12 months, back to back. whatever way i perform. it is understandable. i need to stop aiming so high. (and yet not actually specifically aiming anywhere because im scared of choosing a career choice) but. yeah. i need to stop pressuring myself to aim high in every micromanaged thing.

as someone told me "everything ure scared of, someone is profiting off of." and fuck off. fuck off. to that i say. i will grow and learn to live acting out of love only. and not fear.

i deserve love. everything deserves love. i am kind and good just because i want to be. i am okay and i am going to be ok until im not and then ill figure it out. im not going through something easy but i have support, resources and motivation to get better.

and you do too. good luck. u can do it.

[time-is-restored]

[crashes in through the ceiling] Hello I Have Normal Opinions About Both Persona 5 And TMA And Can Be Trusted To Speak About Them At Length

ill put it under a read-more tho so i don't clog up the post too much LOL.

also over the course of writing this i definitely swung WILDLY between where in their respective arcs the avatar-ing process would occur, and i rlly can’t justify any of said timeline choices other than saying that, personally, i think its GENERALLY where they both experienced + generated the most fear (w the exception of akira, but he deserves special treatment. he's just a little guy!).

so! so far my personal vibes are:

akira - okay hear me out. stranger? now yes he’s literally a voiceless player character but i like to think he has lots of different themes all mostly circling around the stranger territory. like, in a universe where everything akira is capable of in-game translates 1:1 to real life, this dude would be intimidating + uncanny as shit. can intermittently see through walls to Specifically track people he’s got his eye on (third eye), is unerringly able to break down ppl’s walls + make them all but willing to die for him (confidant bonuses w matching personas), simultaneously has a reputation as a delinquent and as the smartest kid in school, every time he sticks his nose into something new (the volleyball team, madarame’s art exhibition, the extortion ring, etc.) someone Incredibly Powerful and Incredibly Bad trips over themselves on their way to cry on TV and give all of their money to charity, Rose From The Fucking Dead!?!?!!? also just in general, i think this angle could rlly play into the ‘can you really call urself Just Another Human when you regularly go traipsing around in humanity’s collective unconcious + can demonstrably bend ppl’s desires to ur will’ themes, like how maruki’s distorted desires has him self identifying as a god, and ‘above’ humanity. i think both for people who do and don’t know akira personally, he’d have the energy of being like. a little more than ‘just’ another human.

of course, all of that energy could easily be turned into a Hunt avatar, too - able to unerringly track + pin down his confidants, his targets, the treasure, shadows in mementos, personas that he needs, etc etc. life is a game and He’s Winning, and if you’re still playing it’s only because he WANTS you to. there but for the grace of The Main Character, etc etc

ryuji - slaughter, he both lives in fear of sudden acts of violence being comitted against him, since he now knows firsthand that no one will stand up for him/protect him. he also EMBODIES that fear as his reputation gets steadily worse + his aesthetic leans more and more towards delinquent culture - people start assuming he’s this really terrible, violent guy, even when he’s only ever been violent in EXTREMELY justified situations. im realising ive written about him the least even though he’s my favourite PT but honestly its bc thinking abt him in a timeline where the PT’s dont intervene/help him out of that destructive spiral makes me Impossibly Sad. compells me tho,,

ann - flesh, however this could arguably be eye as well? since i think the main Fear she both embodies + experiences is that of being other, being singled out + judged due to her appearance + mixed race. the ‘someone’s Watching and they don’t like what they see’ element of that is obviously very eye. however, because i think a lot of that fear is mostly based around the resulting dehumanisation + sexualisation (or at least it Would be if atlus could remember to write her for more than 5 minutes at a time 😔), especially when its against her will, im still leaning towards flesh. like, she feels less like a person + more like a Body for others to ogle.

yusuke - [guy who Really fucking likes the vast voice] okay so like i feel like the gimme answer here is the lonely but omg haha but wouldn’t it just be SOO crazy and silly if yusuke was the vast,, lol,,, okay but fr i don’t have as much of an explanation on this its more just like. the vibes. feeling like there’s an insurmountable Distance between him and the rest of his society, like he’s in his own world. his awakening + experiences with shadow madarame paticularly emphasise how cold + clear he feels once he distances himself from his personal relationship with the man, and sees the ‘big picture’ (how petty + greedy + evil he is). in simon fairchild’s statement he talks a lot about how what tends to separate the lonely + the vast is the lonely avatar thinks all the suffering + bad shit that’s going on is about them, in that specially depression flavour of solipism, whereas the vast knows it’s not. personally, i feel a more unhealthy yusuke (which, pretty much everyone here would need to be Going Through It to serve an entity) fits the latter, bc he doesn’t have that bedrock of ‘what i think about this Matters, and if i work hard enough my art will prove that’.

makoto - EYE. as much as i absolutely despise the idea that she’d willingly become a cop post-awakening, makoto absolutely embodies the idea of constant surveillance, someone who is constantly watching you + waiting for you to step even a single toe out of line so they can punish you. she’s also EXTREMELY occupied with her own position in the eye’s of others - is she relatable enough, is she responsible enough, humble enough, is she doing her sister + her dad + her teachers + her peers proud, etc etc. my second pick for her though would be buried, w the ‘paralysed by other’s expectations + the weight of the world’ angle, though im not sure there’s much mileage there in how she would inflict that fear on others. maybe a ‘damn that looks MISERABLE i rlly hope i don’t turn out like that’ angle?

futaba - spiral - i personally pick this over lonely for her Specifically because of the mental health motifs in her arc - struggling to process the idea that her mother could’ve been horiffically depressed and she hadn’t noticed, which spurs her into creating the false memories. she doesn’t trust the outside world, but she doesn’t trust herself either (what kind of a horrible daughter wouldn’t notice how unhappy she was making her mother?), and honestly the parts in her palace where she’s hallucinating scenes from her past In Real Life is like. her resulting fear that she might be crazy would definitely feed into the spiral process. and while i honestly i see her more as a Prime Victim of the spiral rather than an avatar out to do its bidding, considering how much Really Important Infrastructure (not to mention knowledge + records of history?) are stored online, she could gaslight the hell out of anyone online enough, even before any extra avatar bonuses. BUT OFC you’ve GOTTA give at least an honourary consideration to the buried, considering [gestures to The Literal Fucking Egyptian Tomb as her palace].

haru - now listen the version of haru okumura that lives exclusively in my mind is an absolute queen of desolation. post her father’s Literal Execution live on TV, i could really see her (figuratively, but only kinda) burning down the company in a sort of ‘he wasted our lives for this and it didn’t even save him so now im gonna do that to everyone who’s ever worked here’ kind of rampage, which would spiral on from there. but if we’re drawing from the actual textual motifs, i think it would probably have to be lonely? stranger gets an half-hearted look-in considering the general vibe of her personas (very beautiful woman ruins ur life and ur not entirely sure what her name was or What she was but either way Uh Oh), but i think lonely has the best chance. the first time you see her in a cutscene she’s separated from the rest of tokyo Actually Having A Fun Time, and looks miserable to boot. she doesn’t trust the people around her to actually value her for her, as compared to just be schmoozing her for her money/her father’s favour. no real relationships, unresolved resentment towards her father that gets worse w the guilt she’d feel for his death, etc. though i don’t think she’d go full peter lukas ‘into the void with you!’ if you tried to strike a conversation with her, i think she’d be the type to just kind of. fade away, mid conversation. make people forget about her, forget about anything other than how cold it is outside, that sort of thing.

akechi - yeah web is literally just. so inspired for him. initially id associated him with stranger, since ’17 year old media darling detective prince corners you in a dark alleyway and fucking Gets You’ is extremely stranger core, but you’re SO right that the STRONGEST fear there is of there being a bigger picture that you can’t see, motives that you can’t pick out, and the feeling that you’re playing into someone else’s hands. obviously, he does Literally All Of That to the phantom thieves pre-interrogation room, but shido is in turn doing it to him the entire time they’re working together, and ofc w yaldabaoth AND maruki in the picture akechi’s so tangled up in fucking webs he’s basically a caccoon. f in the chat.

sumi - THAT’S STRANGER BAYBEEEE. she literally just not-them’d herself with extra steps. im fucking obsessed. no sense of self, only kasumi <3 only the promise <3 only their dream <3 literally no notes top 10 ways to make yourself an avatar in a universe where the fears don’t even fucking exist. Spectacular.

BONUS: morgana - the hunt. he’s a thief and a cat. i rest my case.

saw a post that was like goro akechi is an avatar of the desolation and its not a wrong post its very right but you must understand he's also an avatar of the hunt. and the slaughter. a little bit the stranger. bit corruption or maybe lonely i haven't decided but i feel like you can only have one or the other he's also big time web coded but in the opposite of an avatar way. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

🌱a zhongchi twitch streamer au

ive had this idea for so long and it was originally supposed to be a text fic but im bad with those so it never came out. until now, i guess ehe -lynn🌱

childe's been streaming for maybe three years??

over the course of that time his fanbase has watched him go from 'kid having fun in his basement' to one of the biggest streamers of all time

he's most known as one of the "faces" of Genshin Impact

manz has 'voice actor🎙️' in his twitch bio but everyone knows the only character hes voiced is Tartaglia (basically a promo character think like aloy)

ok- childes so charismatic and his personality shows through stream PERFECTLY

everytime he talks abt teucer his eyes light up and occassionally he appears on stream and chat squeals

aside from being his incredibly genuine self tho,,,,

his stream reeks of fanservice

its all very intentional.

he has this channel point redeem where chat can get him to do anything they want (with few exceptions)

because of this hes had to say multiple embarrassing things

and also flirt with the camera.

his fandom is iffy but childe is very kind to them

he treats everyone like his little brother and sister even if theyre older than him its so cute

and is also very openly bi.

he has a bunch of channel point redeems bc this man literally has no dignity

one day smn redeems the 'questions' one asking what his type is

"uhh i dont really have one? must be teucer-approved!"

chat starts playfully booing at him for giving a boring answer when someone else redeems;

"can you give an example?"

and now, from chat's peer pressure and the part of him wanting to dote on his lil siblings he goes

"okay okay! uh- god this is embarrassing- zhongli?"

chat: from rex lapis?

childe nods, blushing.

rex lapis is a much smaller streamer than childe- and in a totally different genre- you see-

childe is a gamer. rex lapis is a therapy streamer

I CAN TOTALLY IMAGINE ZHONGLI GIVING FINANCIAL ADVICE OK

his chat is like talking abt money struggles and he shares his past experiences with being a spendthrift and suddenly-

$200 Donation from Childe✔️

"....*ahem* thank you for the dono, you could not have worse timing."

CHILDE WOULD.

also bc childe has a lot of issues in the genshin world but hes generally just a fun chaotic guy -> i feel like that would translate into the streamer au

so him watching therapeutic streams

he also just thinks zhongli is pretty🤷‍♀️ (cant blame him hes right)

I FEEL LIKE AFTER HE SAYS ON STREAM HIS TYPE IS ZHONGLI HIS FANDOM REWATCHES ZHONGLIS CLIPS AND TRIES TO FIND CHILDE IN THE CHAT OR IN THE DONATIONS

and now his whole fandom knows hes a simp

chat: "wow childe so this is where our dono money has been going??" PLS

one day hes streaming at the same time as rex lapis and chat asks him to stream the stream

after a lot of convincing, he does (mostly bc he also wants to watch) but is like "if any of you snitch im ending stream immediately."

its cool for like an hour, childe plays genshin with zhongli in the background- and then

"oh, another streamer is streaming my stream? uh, hello"

CHILDES HEAD SNAPS TO THE CHAT AND IS LIKE "WHO SNITCHED."

the person who snitched donates childe like 100$ and is like 'SPARE ME PLS IM SORRY'

and since childe sees them as his little sibling hes like 'okok but im giving ur dono money to zhongli'

so childe just donates the 100$ to zhongli and hes like

"...should i stream his stream too?"

AND CHILDE PANICS.

afterwards they definitely become friends and play genshin together and zhongli mains childe's promo character

imagine childes streaming and zhongli calls-

"hey, xiansheng? im live right now so if its something private.."

"ah. nevermind then, ill ask later."

"wait no- ill turn of stream if you wanna say something-"

"..i just wanted you to kill the oceanid for me."

and childes like 😀"what do you think chat? genshin stream?"

the poll is 99% in favour of a genshin collab stream with zhongli

THEYRE SO CUTE TOO bc zhonglis like 'sorry im not that strong' and childes like "YOURE ONLY AR 29 OFC YOURE NOT STRONG YOU DONT NEED TO APOLOGIZE WHY ARE YOU SO NICE"

...perhaps im projecting a little

either way theyre adorable. everyone thinks theyre dating before theyre actually dating

then sometimes zhongli accidentally opens the genshin chat while streaming genshin (bc hes not used to the buttons- grandpa moment)

and theres just a msg from childe like 'I'll call you later, ok?'

AND THE CHAT IS LIKE OMG

these two deserve all the love

if you're interested in seeing more of my content; like headcanons, WIPs, etc. ;

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

Not to be annoying, but, opinion on temporary tattoos, like geometric patterns drawings made with henna. Btw I love your dnp content, I also want to poke them with a stick like they are an interesting bug

hi, dont worry youre not annoying at all. honestly just the fact that you asked is awesome <3

first off i want to go ahead and say everyone has a different opinion. people have different connections with it and thats perfectly fine! this is just my personal opinion, the way i see henna and the connection i have both with it and with my culture, and how i feel about people playing around with it.

i, personally, am fairly okay with non-indian people using henna. mostly because its not their fault. there are carnival booths and fair areas where they give out henna tattoos and its fine if people get them, because they dont know, yk? if i have a friend who im comfortable saying these things to and they want to get one, i'll be sure to tell them thats its, well. cultural appropriation. usually ill offer to give them an actual henna design some other time and try to discourage them from getting the ones at fairs (usually american-looking flowers or butterflies) but if they choose to get one anyway, thats their choice. now i know what kind of person they are and i'll act accordingly.

to answer your main point, if you meant geometric designs like this:

usually thats fine! those are indian designs, she's wearing indian bangles, i would assume she understands the importance of henna, if not the meaning of that importance. if i see this, im cool with it! however if you meant something like this:

then no, i will assume you dont know what henna means, nor the importance of it. and of course there are nuances to it. for example:

this looks normal overall. theyve got Lord Ganesha on their right hand (your left) and im guessing Rama and Sita on their left (your right). im not sure if its Rama and Sita actually, if someone else knows, please tell me. theyve got traditional henna designs, and based on the coloring, i dont think theyve used special types of henna (white, black), i think its natural.

however, this person is using indian henna alongside beliefs and traditions to push for veganism. on the surface, this looks okay! lots of indians are vegan, and everyone knows cows are sacred in india. its fine! right?

no. this person also does not know, nor care, about the meaning of such symbols, designs, or even henna as a whole. it doesnt matter that they copied traditional designs because they are using them for a purpose. its difficult to explain, so i'll just leave it at that.

to add on to that, theyve also used a depiction of Lord Ganesha, a literal god, to further their purpose. think about that for a second. theyve taken pieces of a religion people follow for their own uses. that is not okay.

so context matters. meaning matters. and if i said i could tell you, black and white, exactly whats right and whats wrong, i would be lying.

and overall, a rule of thumb when it comes to anything like this, the fact is, henna is culturally and historically important to indian people like me. it is not important in those ways to white people. therefore, they are not entitled to it.

obligatory, yes, there are some people who believe that henna was historically important to Europe, going so far as saying it was more important to them than us, and was also used there before it was used here. however, the way i see it, henna designs are marketed as exotic and new, something to do for fun and to step outside what they usually do. white henna artists are shown as people who left their own boundaries and learned an art from another culture that most people dont understand, then made a life out of it. if it was really so important and originally theirs, they wouldnt market it/show it like that, nor would they use it as a new, exotic trend.

and im not saying white people should never do henna and get henna! im saying that when they do, i want them to know what it means. to know why its so important and to love it for what it is, not what it can do for you or give you. thats cultural appreciation. that makes me happy.

again, this is my personal opinion. different people will say different things, and thats okay! im always open to that! but this is how i feel about it as of now, and of course this is only about doing henna designs (like dont even get me started on types of henna and fucking henna brows like gods. i would never stop talking)

i hope this helps, thank you so much for asking! (and thanks, but the credit for the poking bugs post goes to @geokar35 lol, but they really are just little baby insects we decided were friend-shaped huh?)

[beaglesfoundindumpsters]

tw, slight mentions to suicide, manipulation, (specifically dream’s manipulation), slight violence and/or murder, and curse words

even though techno said sbi (as a family) isnt canon, im still gonna head canon it, because he said that was okay

so, here we go *takes deep breath*

SBI HEAD CANONS AND INCORECT QUOTES BABYY

im literally obsessed with how strong sbi is. i mean, of course theyre hilarious and tommy’s a child, but other than that... god damn.

starting off, we have techno, of course. and hes super strong just by himself. (TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES and BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD)

then, we have philza. angel of death. killza. he’s insanely strong. like, god.

then, wilbur. wilbur isnt physically strong, but he was always a leader. he started an entire country, for hells sake. he’s smart, a leader, and doesn’t give up. (he also went insane and died, but we dont talk about that)

im gonna think of ghostbur as this kind of seperate entity. (cause he kind of is) ghostbur isnt inherently strong, but no one would ever want to hurt him. hes nice.. a little too nice. now, forgive me if im overthinking here, i feel as if ghostbur might be hiding something. apparently, a few days ago ghostbur joined the server with a new skin, a skin with large goatlike horns.... hmm... little sus...

and, then, of course, tommy. tommy, tommy. the only person dream’s scared of. at the current moment in time, hes super confused. he keeps thinking that dream’s still his friend, and upon seeing the final control room his first instinct was to run back to dream, his abuser. but, techno’s taking care of him right now. hopefully techno can get tommy back on his feet and then they can become a great team.

another thing about philza, he doesn’t really have any allegiance to any country, (*cough* lmanberg *cough*), and he mostly only has allegiance to techno, wilbur, and tommy. aka, sbi. he also recently revealed that he doesn’t think that tubbo isnt actually doing a great job at being president. so, what does this mean for sbi? that once phil gets out of house arrest hes probably gonna go live with techno, tommy, and wil.

oh, lord, am i excited for that.

oh lordy lord lord

im so hungry

what was i doing

oh yeah sbi

nice

anyways, moving on from the immense power in that group,,, um tubbo? i like tubbo

he really cool

i mean, i really dont like the way hes ruling lmanberg right now, but before that he was awesome

i think a lot of pressure was put on him when he became president, especially because he didnt ask to be president and he didn’t even run for president.

and, since everyone else in the cabinet is being more controlling, (possible glatt possestion?), tubbo is seeming less and less like a president as everyone else starts making more decisions than the legit president.

so, i think that exiling tommy wasn’t only a plea for peace, it was also to show that hes the president, that hes in charge and he makes the decisions.

but, sadly he just lost his best friend

also, obviously dream is so bent on controlling tommy because tommy doesnt do what dream says. tommy does what he wants to, what he thinks is best, what he thinks will help his friends.

so, when dream manipulated tommy, and tommy kind of broke, dream thought he finally had him. he had gotten tommy, the uncontrollable hero, under his control.

but, when tommy made the room, dream used that as first; a sign that tommy wasnt completely under his control and second; a way to manipulate tommy even more.

but, that, (at least i think), is when tommy realized that something was wrong.

sitting on that wooden tower, looking at the blown up logsted he realized that... maybe dream isnt his friend.

i honestly cant wait for tommy and tubbo to make up with each other, though.

i really miss the consistent content that they made with each other, and i miss when it was “tommy and tubbo vs dream”

:(

another thing, after wilbur blew up lmanberg, tommy kept saying, “its me and you vs dream,” which i think is kind of ironic. both of them agreed that even before lmanberg, before wilbur, before everything, it was tommy and tubbo against dream. they were best friends and they had a common enemy.

then, they both seperately went to dream for help. tubbo becoming dream’s “ally” while plotting to kill him and tommy being manipulated into being dream’s friend.

obviously, the manipulation isnt tommy’s fault though.

back to more sbi themes

i literally live for how good techno is being to tommy rn

like, literally, he hid tommy from dream, protected him from mobs without a thought, let him live in his house, gave him armor and weapons, and when tommy saw the final control room he said, “its fine, it doesnt take one day to heal,” and got tommy out of there.

tommy’s still a little bitch tho

anyways, tommy’s first response to the final control room was that he wanted to go find dream. this is how manipulators and abusers work. they make you think that you need them, and so when anything bad happens you want to fall back onto them, and that’s what tommy had been doing for the past few weeks, so of course his first thought is, “where’s dream? i need dream.”

luckily, though, techno was there to help him through it, and i just think thats neat.

and, isnt it funny that a sixteen year old minecraft player is representing manipulation and mental illness better than most movies? hmm....

maybe now we can have some incorrect quotes OwO

(im sorry i never want to do that again but i was on a call with a friend and she told me to do that im so sorry god i feel so guilty i hate that i hate is so much i want it to die im so sorry for putting you through that omfg im so sorry)

phil: tubbo.. where’s tommy? tubbo, knowing that tommy is trying to light techno’s house on fire: who’s tommy? phil:

wilbur: tommy, i hate you. you are so annoying, not funny at all, and the worst child ever. you disgrace every other normal child with your weirdness. tommy: wilbur, to literally anyone else: im so proud of tommy and how far hes come. that kid, hes so funny, i dont know how the world will be ready for tommyinnit. he makes great content, and deserves all of the attention that hes got.

techno:  butcher army: im gonna kill technoblade. techno: butcher army: yeah, you are so dead, techno. you better count your days. techno: butcher army: *starts attacking techno* butcher army: *almost gets killed by techno*

thats all i have for now! *fades out of existence*

/rp of course

[kekisu]

TOP 5 CHARAS AND 5 REASONS WHY YOU LIKE THEM GO GO GO

AHHHH OKAY OKAY. I LITERALLY LIT UP WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ah okay. i hope its ok if i leave it to just one or two of my fav things about them though cause NFHBGDF I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MILES LONG i hope you understand!!!!!

1. LIGHT YAGAMI

now. i dont think anybodys surprised. MFKSKFMFMHNGJN honestly, though i dont care about death note much at all anymore, hes like gum stuck to my shoe and i just cannot get him off no matter what i do. i tell myself that i dont give a fuck about anything in death note until i see him on my dash and i go apeshit. hes completely changed me and how i approach analyzing complex characters. i think hes the first character that ive ever actually cared about in that sense? the sense where i look into every detail about him i mean. its really just so fun...

my absolute favorite thing about him... i really love how funny he is. this isnt to say hes a humorous guy im saying hes funny as in he makes such stupid decisions and its hilarious to see him struggle so hard constantly. the entire ending of death note is fucking insane it sends me into laughing fits every time. theres so many funny moments in death note despite it being considered a psychological horror animanga because of him being a genuine fucking idiot 24/7. hes supposed to be a genius but he truly does lack so much self awareness sometimes.

if you wanna know more of my thoughts in depth, i have an analysis of him here that you can check out :) ID LOVE FEEDBACK ON IT so if you disagree with me or have questions etc feel free to shoot an ask and ill try to answer!!!!!

2. GORO AKECHI

god... hes perfect. he and light are on the same level of favoritism for me, dont let the numbers fool you. hes hands down my absolute favorite in persona 5 and it blows my mind knowing that the majority of the fandom feels the exact opposite or are torn over him ITS ALMOST FRUSTRATING because its mostly due to the amount of misinformation/mischaracterization spread about him!!!! but no he just happens to be the best written character in that piece of shit of a game! MFDKDHNGJJ AND PERSONA FANS CANT COMPREHEND GOOD WRITING

my favorite thing about him.. i love how hes written. and i know this sounds really basic and predictable, but its the truth i just really love his growth as a character, especially in royals third semester when he gets a chance to properly shine and oh my god! did he shine! hes literally so perfect in 3rd sem

theres just something so captivating about an angry teenager who truly thinks of his life as worthless and doesnt bother making bonds with others because of it who suddenly finds himself questioning his choices of self isolation when he finally meets a group of people he can resonate with and feel seen by. a group of people who are willing to reach out and listen to him despite his past mistakes. theres just something so perfect about seeing that same angry teenager want to take his life into his own hands and strive to grow... that same angry teenager who didnt value his own life start to see meaning in things because of bonds...

i love goro so so much he makes me so emotional if it isnt obvious enough NGFHGDGBDFH I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT. i think about him healing so much.

(btw im working on an analysis for him atm thats similar to lights so! stay tuned for that dropping when its done in like a million years NFHFBGFHDBGHF)

3. AKIRA KURUSU

DAMN 2 PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS IN A ROW

OKAY SO i know Technically akira is supposed to be a blank slate silent protagonist but let me tell you THATS SO FAR FROM WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS. IM NEVER FORGIVING ATLUS FOR TRYING TO SHOVE HIM INTO THE SILENT PROTAG BOX AND NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN CHARACTER! BECAUSE HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE AMAZINGGGGG ugh sorryfor caps im so fuckng mad MKDFKMGMHMGMG

it really does get on my nerves how because of atlus trying to make him a silent protag, the majority of the p5 fandom sees him as that. blank slate. nothing. when in reality he very much has a ton of spunk and id argue that hes his own character entirely if you just look a little deeper past the surface Like... its not even that hard to see personality in him. beneath the mask is literally his theme song, have you Not seen the lyrics to that? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE THEME OF THE GAME? this little dude is so traumatized and angry at those who wronged him (aka the justice system! shitty adults!) and people have the nerve to say hes the worst persona protagonist? lmfao

my favorite thing about akira is how he looks like a cat and how cocky and annoying he can be.. he is such a jokester hes the absolute dumbest. i enjoy this silly guy. *holds him under the armpits like a longcat*

4. SHIGEO KAGEYAMA

ahhh mob. he makes me do this -> :)

mp100, of course, changed my fucking life. mp100 is the reason i am the way i am and though all the characters are incredibly relatable and memorable and i cherish them so dearly, i, like most people, cherish mob the absolute most. seriously his strength really is incredible and though hes just a fictional character he is so inspiring and i wish to carry as much gentleness in my heart as he does.

im so so proud of him on his development he started off so.. i wouldnt say he was weak, but i would say that he lacked experience. he lived in his own little bubble not knowing what the world was like and throughout the story he grew to learn so much.. he learned to make such. mature decisions at such a young age. hes so so wise. hes so powerful not only because of his psychic powers but because of his compassion for others. he can befriend even the worst of people...

my favorite thing about him is his determination to become the best version of himself he can be. and also his relationship with ritsu (not me, i mean ritsu kageyama <3) i always gravitate towards siblings in fiction because im an only child and well <3 i dont experience that. so i like projecting onto them GHBFBBHFG they care so much for each other.. sniffle sniffle

5. RYO ASUKA

ok im going to be real even though im into devilman i dont have much of a reason to enjoy him this much. i just think hes hilarious and really cool and his satan form gives me gender envy. i love it when he commits random easily avoidable acts of violence for no reason at all its just because he wants to. and thats just fine. i think he can kill people and get away with it because hes ryo asuka. gay rights

[pathologising]

How are you so chill talking about your trauma/disorders from trauma like I don't think I could survive that hell or even talk about it years after :( I HOPE to god I'm not being insensitive or triggering I just don't understand

ur not insensitive dw. i orginally wrote a lot? for this ask just now but i think it was kindof all over the place so im gonna try again lol:

it does hurt a lot i think, but im also just very detached from my emotions and also the amnesiac walls do be helping me not remember it all so thats a plus of dissociative disorders. but also the main thing is (Which i think is the one thing that upsets me most) that i dont really know anything else? like a lot of people who go thru traumas in adult hood have a self/life “before” the trauma and so they have a marker for “this isnt okay”. i didnt have that notion that shit wasnt normal untill i got older, like abuse is the only thing i know as a childhood (which is the thing that makes me most upset bc like damn id kill for a normal life). so im frank ig bc like..what else is there to say lol u kno! i also think being open abt “hey i went thru this n heres my experiences with comorbid severe mental illness” is helpful to other people, esp when u begin to recover. literally the one thing that has helped me get out of the self re-traumatisation and idea that life is hopeless for me was finding people with disorders and trauma like me who survived! also bc people have this weird notion that it never...happens to nyone like they see it in movies or hear it in the news and they dont realise literally millions of kids are traumatised and never got justice and cps didnt do shit u know? also bc i think here ive connected with a lot of other survivors <3

but also i think talking online abt it is like much easier for me simply because im detached from the internet lol i literally feel like im screaming into an empty cave like nobody is real im just out here in hell u know? i hate opening up about it irl tho because talking about it verbally and actually acknowledging it is so much harder than just typing out words (for me personally, everyone is different) so in therapy its difficult but i do it anyway bc it has to b done! i think thats mostly it ??????

tldr: dont have any idea what a normal childhood is like so its literally like how you would talk abt ur own childhood (minus any positive nostalgia) but also it does hurt a lot but also im detached from it all