#i literally cannot remember the last time i felt like this about a ship & writing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bisaster-energy · 10 months ago

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you can tell me about your idea!!!

thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry

SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!

nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi

we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤

centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care

i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3

so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?

i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv

reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type

im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not

and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!

and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for

but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off

anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While

and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances

so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it

"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment

there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol

yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now

ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him

so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv

he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...

and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up

hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)

they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"

kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."

yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him

"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."

yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."

and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore

kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"

kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg

yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐

so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different

and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes

yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?

"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time

anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice

kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!

and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.

and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts

he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window

and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away

and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back

he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day

but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now

part ii cos it's too many words!

#kuwameshi #fic idea #yu yu hakusho #asks!

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chanbig · 3 months ago

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Heyo, saw your open for fanfic question and thought I might ask as well^^;

Do you have some wips you really love and that we can get a sneak peak of? No matter if you plan to write them, are writing them rn or just really love the scenes,^^

im always open for fic questions if you have something you'd like to ask!! or if you want to ask/chat about chanbig or another ship ive written for or whatever else 💗

I have like 48313004 WIPs I swear 😂 but the ones I have outlines for or are working on the most rn right now are:

post-canon chanbig joint vacation with big getting badly sunburned and chan helping him cool down and apply aloe vera and things um escalating from there (inspired by nodt's heatstroke photoshoot). very soft and smutty getting together fic, something emotionally easier than my last fic

chanbig grindr au based on that viral grindr convo - big just moved into a new building and he gets a grindr message from one of his neighbors (chan) asking to borrow a wrench/screwdriver and big offers to help fix the problem (even though he knows jack shit about plumbing) bc chan is like the hottest guy he's seen. feat. wet tshirts and much ogling

follow up to kitty!big fic where big tries to find out why/how he turns into a cat and he and Chan get closer as they share this secret and feelings develop

big coming to work for the theerapanyakuls and going through training and becoming something like friends or master/protégé with chan, covering from pre-canon to post-canon - told from chan's perspective, as he falls in love with big (and big?? well, after he gets over kinn... 😉). I had to stop myself from working on this right after posting my last fic because it's a big project and I need a break haha

ice skating au where big is an elite skater that has lost one of his jumps and his coach brings chan in as a specialist to help him get it back. feat. chan as a hot but hardline coach and a lot of up close and personal training

not chanbig but I am literally soooo soooooo close 🤏 to finishing a follow-up to my pike/boimler fic. boimler comes back to his time and cannot seem to sleep. and because it's trek there is questionable use of the holodeck and the implications/fallout of time travel. I'm literally like 200 words away from posting it and have been for the last six months lmaooo

there's a bunch more that are not even wips really but just ideas that will probably never become more but you never know!

ill put the excerpt from heatstroke!fic below the cut 💗 it hasn't been edited and I'm not anywhere close to done so it might differ from the final fic!

Big woke up to the cold touch of ice on his face.

Heat surrounded him from all sides, pressing heavily into his limbs and holding him down on the lounge chair. Exhaustion from the sleepless night before and the comforting warmth made it impossible for him to open his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this relaxed, and he didn't want anything to disturb him from it.

Flinching away from the strange, cold touch, he tried to turn over onto his side, when a familiar voice cut through his fading dream.

"Big, wake up."

Big frowned, squinting one eye open.

A shirtless Chan, his broad shoulders gleaming under the bright afternoon sunlight, was kneeling next to him in the sand. In his hands he held two colorful drinks, each with their own flower. A small grin pressed at the corners of his lips, like he was just barely holding back his amusement at something. His eyes were soft and focused right on Big.

He looked, for lack of a better word, like a dream. Big's dream.

Heat muddling his mind, Big felt his hand rising up to touch Chan's face, before his thoughts kicked back in.

Both eyes flashing open, Big inhaled sharply and jerked back, the lounge chair creaking uncertainly underneath him. His heart leapt and set off racing under his skin.

Immediately, Chan leaned back. The amusement dropped from his face, concern taking its place.

"Big, it's okay," he said. "It's just me."

Big hurriedly sat up, burning embarrassment and remnants of strange arousal making a mess of his head. His vision blurred and refocused in a way that made him feel sick. He felt overly warm now, his skin prickling every time he moved.

"We're in [location]," Chan continued. Though his low voice was nothing more than factual, as if he were speaking about the weather, it was soothing. "Nothing's wrong. You're safe."

Big shook his head, trying to clear it. His tongue felt glued to the roof of his mouth, thirst drawing his throat tight.

Vacation. The beach. Chan. Not a dream.

The ideas coalesced into the present, reminding him of where he was and–crucially–that he was not allowed to touch Chan like that.

Like they were lovers.

He ignored the sharp drop of his heart at the thought, a feeling that was already all-too-familiar. He should have been used to it, after months of this painful, deepening kind of yearning that had cropped up in the wake of their shared recovery. He should have been better than this.

A cool hand wrapping around his wrist pulled him out of his thoughts, grounding him to the present.

"Are you going to throw up?" Chan asked, dipping his head to catch Big's eye.

Big's voice was strangely hoarse when he could finally make himself reply. "No."

"Good. Take a drink of this," Chan said, as he folded Big's hand around one of the brightly-colored drinks.

Big was already lifting the straw to his lips on autopilot before the thought hit him and he paused. "Does this have alcohol?"

A grin tucked itself into the corner of Chan's lips and Big could have sworn he looked amused—and perhaps, proud.

"No. But good on you for asking. Alcohol wouldn't be good for you if you were dehydrated."

Big could have blamed the overwhelming sunlight for the heat that spread across his face at the softly-spoken compliment, but he knew it wasn't the source. It was Chan, so close, watching him carefully.

He couldn't return the gaze. Not with his thoughts like this.

Instead, Big turned away and sipped at the sweet, cool drink, trying to keep in mind the treatment rules for dehydration and heat exhaustion Chan had drilled into all the bodyguards' heads all those years ago. Even though the first taste made him want to chug the whole drink in one go, he made himself take small sips. The last thing he wanted was to actually throw up all over Chan.

The relief was near-immediate. He closed his eyes, breathing slowly and trying to bring his heart rate back down.

Chan didn't say anything, and didn't move, either, as Big continued to drink. Big tried not to think of how close Chan was, how intense his gaze would be if Big opened his eyes.

"Big, did you put on sunscreen?" Chan asked.

Big opened his eyes, frowning. "Yeah. Why?"

He wasn't expecting the brush of Chan's hand along his collarbone. His skin was strangely sensitive, the touch ten times more intense than usual. Not that Chan touched him much outside of the occasional adjustment of his form while they trained, or a friendly-ish clap on the shoulder sometimes.

But this was far different from those. Chan slipped his fingers under the strap of Big's tank top and slowly pulled it down over his shoulder, as if he were trying to undress Big. The tips of his fingers dragged against Big's skin, still cool from where they had held the iced drink, a small relief from the overwhelming heat.

The visual of Chan undressing him was so shocking that at first Big didn't realize what was wrong.

It was only when Chan's thumb shifted over his skin and pressed that Big snapped out of it. Sharp, electric pain lanced across his skin from where Chan had pressed and Big jerked back automatically.

"Ow, what–?"

"That's a bad burn," Chan said, letting go of Big's shirt and finally lifting his hand away.

#asks #chanbig #if you have questions im happy to answer 💗#thanks for asking!!

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makeyoumine69 · 10 months ago

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Omg I wrote an ask but then my app crashed, I’m not sure if it sent ☠️ um. Okay if you got this ask already, please feel free to ignore this… lets see if I can remember what I wrote hahaha rip

Like the recent anon you got, I may also need some reassurance about something. What do you do if you really like a character, but then they do something highly triggering, and then it changes your entire perspective of them? And yet, you still want to be with them? I just watched AP a week ago and I was starting to hyperfixate on it. I really like Patrick a lot, probably the first time I’ve ever shipped with a villain who is THIS ruthless, and I’d see him murder ppl on screen and I’d think “oh teehee he wouldn’t hurt my OC though :)” sjfhkshdjg it also helps that I skipped almost all of the murder scenes except the Paul one (my friend who LOVES this movie watched it with me, told me to look away while they fast forwarded through the scary parts) I really cannot handle horror at all, but I wanted to try seeing this movie because I love Christian Bale. So I suppose you can say I technically only watched 30 minutes of this movie XD

I was having a real good time coming up with fluffy stories for my OC and Patrick for a full week now. But then I foolishly watched the deleted scenes yesterday without asking my friend to check the video to see if it had any triggering content… and I liked the scenes very much, except the one with Courtney. That scared the shit out of me. I have had a personal experience of being sexually assaulted and hit in the bedroom without consent, so seeing Patrick kind of yank Courtney around and yell at her, and roughly pull out, hurting her, it definitely triggered me and I was stress vomiting afterwards for a few hours. And today I woke up and I still cannot stop thinking about it. I felt really, really good with Patrick up until I watched that yesterday, and I am so shaky and nauseous just remembering it. It just keeps replaying in my head, despite me trying to stop thinking about it. I believe the director commented that they deleted that scene and replaced it instead with the scene where Patrick and Courtney are simply talking after they had slept together, where she’s just feeling depressed and saying “if you don’t call before Easter, have a nice one” or something like that, I am paraphrasing. But it didn’t imply any violence had occurred beforehand, at least I really hope not

I know Patrick is awful. I know he’s horrible. I know he is the worst, I did this to myself by liking him in the first place. I feel very stupid when I vent about this to my friends, they’re like “well… just don’t ship your OC with him if it bothers you. He’s literally a serial killer, it shouldn’t surprise you that he would also hurt women sexually. Just stop thinking about it.” but it doesn’t feel that simple, I can’t just… stop, you know? I spent an entire week *obsessing* over this character. I got serotonin out of this, it was a habit to think of him; my brain cannot simply just say “oh whatever I’ll drop him then, move on to something else”. I have absolutely tried distracting myself with other interests in the last 24 hours. I have watched other movies that aren’t scary, I have looked at different characters from romantic comedies that don’t involve murder, I have binged SpongeBob episodes lmao, but my brain is very much attached to Bateman. I want to feel comfortable with him, I like him. I wanted to ship my OC with him very badly, and I still do! I know he’s fictional, I shouldn’t be overthinking this, but I feel so shaky and unsafe when I think about him now. I feel heartbroken like I’m going through a breakup, as silly as that sounds, because I have been really looking forward to making this character someone fun to write about. I keep reminding myself it was just a deleted scene, he didn’t really hurt Courtney in bed, but god… it was jarring to see it happening regardless. I know he does these things in the book, I know he’s despicable, but I really wanted to hope that movie!patrick could be someone I could potentially try testing the waters with. Like the anon you answered recently, I have also had a poor experience shipping with villains and I am trying to reclaim that for myself. It feels scary knowing he has the potential to be physically or sexually abusive, when I am trying to practice the whole “I am the exception with villains” thing. I’m so sorry, I am writing so much omg I promise I’m almost done

So I guess I’m just asking for you to lie to me and say he’d be gentle with people in the bedroom, or that he wouldn’t bother hitting somebody or hurting them because it doesn’t bring him satisfaction...? Or even just… he didn’t hurt Courtney… *wouldn’t* hurt Courtney. Or Evelyn. Or Jean. Or whomever else. Like, if he’s ruthless, I’d rather he just murder people, not assault them, does that make sense? Oh my god I know that sounds completely out of character but I need somebody who knows him very well to try to reassure me, if you were okay with that of course. You’ve been writing him for a long time so I think you’d know him best and i know if anyone can convince me that Patrick has a gentle side to him, it would be you. And if anybody else wanted to write reassurances in the replies as well, by all means, I need all the help I can get lol. If you wanted to respond to this, of course. Please don’t feel pressured to respond if you don’t want to! Forgive me for sending such a lengthy ask. I feel very silly. Have a lovely day, I very much enjoy your blog btw you seem like a very kindhearted person :) sending you hugs. Again, please don’t worry about responding if you don’t wish to.

Hello dear!

Jesus, it's such an honor to hear people say that I know Patrick very well, it literally makes me cry! 😭

I would tell you this - when it comes to having crushes and just interacting with different characters, we all have our own visions of them. Speaking for myself, as much as I try to write Patrick canonically, I don't really write any gore or him committing murders because my psyche blocks those aspects of his personality, but I don't judge people who write him really violent and brutal - that's just not my cup of tea. I can't say that I tried to find some good traits in his personality, no, I just accepted the fact that I fell in love with a narcistic, arrogant man who has mental problems and loves to manipulate people. All those "I can fix him" things never worked for me and I never really tried to imagine him changing in a good way for me. Actually, I just let him live rent free in my head, and as for the way I write him - sometimes I feel like I want to write him being gentle and loving - I really have a thing for sweet and affectionate Patty, sometimes (most of the time lmao) I'm into some really angsty shit, so probably most people don't like my writing because in my stories Patrick appears to be a dickhead and a total bastard. But like I said, we all look at characters from our own perspective and we have the right to imagine our crushes the way we want them to be. After all, only Bret Ellis can present Patrick's character the way he is supposed to be, since Ellis created him.

Speaking of the deleted scene with Courtney, it was a little different in the book, but yeah, I wouldn't recommend reading the book because it's much more triggering and disturbing than the movie. Honestly, when I read the book for the first time, I had a big breakdown because I felt disgusted by the things Patrick did in the novel and Bret did a great job of making Bateman a real monster, so I can say that the movie version of Patrick is less off-putting. Even now I try to avoid reading the book too often because some chapters make me really depressed. But I can confess that I'm one of those people who believe in the theory that Bateman didn't commit all those murders and that they were all in his head. In Lunar Park, Bret Ellis' other book, he hinted that all the murders were actually not real. So I can recommend you to read this book because it has a lot of interesting facts about Patrick Bateman as a character from the novel.

I hope I made you feel a little bit better, and my DM is always open to talk! Thanks for sharing this with me! 💕💕💕

*sending my love and hugs!*

#patrick bateman #american psycho #answered asks #thank you for the ask!#asks are always welcome #sending love ❤️

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aceofstars16 · 3 months ago

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1-3, 5-7, and 27-30 for the Star Wars Rebels ask, please?

Well I forgot to answer this but I saw it now and my brain isn't giving me the writing vibes (even though I want to write) so I will finally attempt to answer! xD

Also apparently I can't just put 1. without it making it a list so...uh...that's annoying...

One: What is your absolute favorite episode of the show?

Oh man....it's been so long hnnng, I might go with Flight of the Defender...that's the one where Sabine and Ezra steal that ship in S4 right? Though a lot of season 1 makes me happy so...honestly a lot of those could fit too...there are too many good episodes xD

Two: Which episode did you not like at first, but grew on you after one or more rewatches?

I cannot remember the name, but the Purgil one, I didn't love it but then my sister just...it's the only episode she remembers and she just says "the space whales one!" and I just...really like it now xD

Three: How do you feel about the Ahsoka show being live-action Rebels season 5?

Ha....haha...ha...I don't really like it...first, it should've been animated and second I...I think the Sabine being force sensitive is the stupidest idea ever I'm sorry but not actually sorry.

Five: If you could change one (non-death-related) plot point in the show, what would you change?

*eye twitches in still annoyed by what they did to Kanan* but aside from that...make Kanera less...weird in the last season, just...have them be secretly married this whole time, because that just...makes more sense than them being awkward

Six: What are your two favorite ships from the show (canon or not)?

HAHAHAHA I'll just...

And Kanera side from the weirdness of S4, but yeah...Sabezra ALL the way, like...if you knew me back in the day...I wrote SO MUCH of them lol

Seven: Who is one character you feel isn't appreciate enough by the fandom?

Uhhhh...bro I actually don't know lol I mean I like Jai so....maybe him? Or Zare cause he had that book series that was actually pretty interesting

Twenty Seven: Which plot point do you wish the show had expanded on?

It's been a while but...probably the loth wolves and...all that, like S4 had so much that was just like "what?" and then we never saw it again

Twenty Eight: Favorite recurring character?

Hahaha....I'm going Hondo cause I love that space pirate xD

Twenty NIne: Favorite piece of music from the show?

Hold on, I gotta find it..."Journey Into the Star Cluster", it's not even my fave episode but like...one day I had it on and it was raining and I literally felt like I was in a Nancy Drew game it was just, amazing

Thirty: Most under-rated episode?

The way I want to say the Purgil episode again lol...but maybe the third episode? When Ezra and Zeb steal the tie fighter? I don't know that one is just fun and I love how the tie comes in at the end of the season again haha

#enjoy....it was fun to take that trip down memory lane #the amount of swr that is still in the back of my mind surprised me ngl #but it was my thing for...like a few years so xD #a message from fulcrum #lol like even my ask tag is from it pfft #swr

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lumeha · 2 years ago

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⭐star⭐ for the story of your choice :)

I want to talk a little about To Follow ! Which is a fic that I wrote for a FE thieves & rogues zines, and my first time in a lonnnggg time writing about FE8, and gods, it was both a torture and such a fun fic to write that I wanna talk about it.

The pitch for this fic was literally just about how Rennac cannot escape L'Arachel. That he somehows will always get dragged back to her. Basically a character study but through the angle of his relation with L'Arachel

I basically treated this fic as three one-shots tied together by strings and theme ? First part, second part and third part, basically. I wanted them to be all similar length (~1500 words each), but the last part ended up being shorter.

The second part, which is inspired by Rennac's recruitment in Jehanna's castle, was basically based on the run I streamed to Risu, when I had to run Rennac up to the throne room just to get him to open the damn door because Colm was doing... something else. Can't remember what. I might have sent him alone, the boy was a dodge machine. And also how Rennac had been threatened at some point because I left him on the rear and reinforcements appeared.

But yeah I just really wanted to write this because Rennac's recruitment is one of the funniest scene, and I just had to make him run around be L'Arachel's errand boy because my other thief was *busy* and. idk. I felt like it was interesting, how Rennac just gets dragged and how comic it is, and yet how it contrasts with the situation at hand as a whole

And the last part. Gods. The last part is genuinely my favourite. It is the shortest, but I went wild with it, and I admit it's still one of my favourite piece of writing ? Writing about the final battle, or, the actual exact aftermath of the final battle is always a treat, and just getting to have Rennac be still, well, Rennac, but also

In the end I'm not really satisfied with the first part. I tried to imagine how Rennac would have been dragged into following her at the start, and I think the idea itself is solid, but, idk, I think the rest of the fic shines just a lot more :D

But yeah also about the last part (thinking a lot and too much ahah), I think one of my other favourite thing about it is - I love a lot of FE8 ships, ngl, L'Arachel / Rennac is usually not in my top, but with how I wrote it, making it so that it's clear Rennac has fallen for L'Arachel during the course of this, that he doesn't see her the same as he did at the beginning (an opportunity, just another rich noble princess), and I hadn't planned it to be a ship fic, but, y'know. I do kinda like the ship. Writing about them kinda made me ship them :D

Fanfic Writers : Director's Cut

#barks.txt #thank you !!

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clumsyclifford · 2 years ago

Text

2022 Writing Evaluation

hi i dug this up from the archives of this time last year because it was fun to do and i wanted to give other writers a chance to reflect if they’re so inclined! so here is my 2022 writing self-evaluation. point of order, i’m mostly filling this out specifically for my bellawritess ao3 and all the rpf stuff i write, not my other secret ao3 where i put fics written about fictional media. okay, onward.

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 23!

2. word count posted for this year: 117,763

3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, atl, and 1d (but also teen wolf, mcu spiderman, hawkeye, and daredevil)

4. pairings: cake, lashton, malum, jalex, narry, halex (you know that very popular harry styles/alex gaskarth ship), and mirry.

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: the answer to all three of these criteria is a change of heart and a silver lining, my winter 2021-22 fic exchange fic, which makes me very happy. i cannot believe that fic was from last year, january feels like forever ago but i love love love that specific work so much, in large part because of how much i was able to tailor it to meg as reciprocation for all the times and ways she tailored things to me.

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): i’m gonna say a three-way tie between (1) i got a radar for trouble (and you’re a renegade), (2) between all the gasping i finally breathe, and (3) play it again and again and again. #1 is the cruel summer prequel fic that i always half-jokingly said i would one day write and then surprised myself by actually writing, and i am incredibly proud of how well i managed to recreate the vibes of cruel summer fic but also write a prequel that made sense with the direction the actual cruel summer story took. #2 was one of the first legit fics i wrote to break myself out of this big 5sos fic slump i had been in (consequence of a perfect storm of a lot of small things), and i may have gotten lost in the metaphor sauce but i maintain that the metaphors are really fucking good which was gratifying to me as a writer who had felt like maybe i’d lost my real writing skill before then. #3 is the christmas fic i wrote for hazel, and what i’m most proud of there is that i fuckin actually wrote that. my love for my friends carried me through the warfields of attempting to romanticize christmas, and in so doing i think i actually learned something about christmas, ugh i feel like i’m getting less jewish every second i spend talking about this but i really am proud of myself for writing that and even moreso because i think i tailored it pretty well to hazel’s taste and that made me happy. it was like an extra challenge i set myself and then i did it well.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): pretty much all the prompt fics from this year’s batch, tbh. this malum roommates one is really funny if you imagine you’re a fly on the wall of mine and megs’s dorm room but it’s the most nothing fic on the planet otherwise, and you’re my whole house is cute but again, literally nothing. unfortunately these were written while i was binge watching seinfeld which probably contributed to how much they were About Nothing but that’s no excuse.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: i’m super terrible at remembering comments and stuff that people leave me but a few days ago i got a comment on yssdf saying it was one of the best love stories they’d ever read and that just about knocked my socks off

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: from aboutttt february to september, which is pretty obvious when you notice that i didn’t post a fic (on this account) between march 18th and september 27th of this year. i hit that aforementioned slump in a big way and i was also busy with life stuff and i was also just. unmotivated and uninspired! but in that time i wasn’t really doing a lot of writing to struggle with. something that was actively hard to write was definitely parts of the jet lag songfic i wrote for the fest. megs and hazel both experienced various aspects of my intense battle with Plot and Characters. it was not pretty.

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: luke in the muke college beach fic!!! he was so much more gutsy than (a) he’s usually written and (b) i expected him to be. and tbh, michael in that fic also kind of surprised me, although less so because he was based on a real guy i know, so it was more like trying to delve into the fictionalized mind of a real human being i go to school with and understand what it is that makes him only APPEAR to be an asshole and in reality maybe actually have a heart of gold. if that makes sense. character work but the character is based on a real person who is based on a real person. meta af.

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: ill be the first to admit im a sucker for when there’s a song playing in the in-universe fic scene and then the lyrics tie into the moment. i have that in two fics that i can think of, so here they both are:

(1) from everywhere, everything:

Luke is trembling when he looks up at Ashton, but he only nods. Tilts their foreheads together.

Say it’s me that you’ll adore— Sinatra sings, and then there’s a scratch and a crack, and the whole record player crashes through the glass tabletop.

(the end of that lyric is “for now and evermore” !!!! HOW FUCKED IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(2) from faith in a stolen car (the jean jacket songfic i just wrote for the fest):

Calum’s rumbling laugh shook both of them as Springsteen vowed I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul, and Ashton sang along in a silly voice so Calum knew he meant it with everything he had.

[and]

He turned up the music, and ‘No Surrender’ blared out of the surround sound. The lines that had been stampeding around Ashton’s brain since Calum had first swept him up in tonight’s teenage delinquency now screamed against the wind in his ears.

Ashton smiled wider than his face could handle and screamed right back.

“WE MADE A PROMISE WE SWORE WE’D ALWAYS REMEMBER,” Calum’s voice joined his, and together they beat back the deafening gales; “NO RETREAT, BABY, NO SURRENDER!”

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? this year i learned the importance of conflict. “hey bella, didn’t you learn that in seventh grade english?” YES but then i IGNORED it and now i have relearned it in a fanfiction context and in the broader sense that i now understand every story has a conflict and more than that, a story needs a conflict, because that’s what drives it. after i finished writing those prompt fics, i thought, damn, these are fun but nothing is fucking happening in any of them. i wonder why that is! and then i realized. there was no conflict. i was writing “scenes” but nothing interesting within those scenes, so there was nothing pulling the characters from point A (the start of the scene) to point B (its conclusion) and as a result they all became meandering blocks of text with no goal or direction. anyway. point being that i have embraced conflict as a necessary factor in storytelling and i hope this will mean no more seinfeldian fics, prompt or otherwise.

13. how do you hope to grow next year? yes <3 jk but i sincerely have no idea, i don’t have any current ideas on how i plan to grow next year i just very much intend to grow. how it happens is anyone’s guess

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? gotta be a tie between megs @igarbagecannoteven and hazel @allsassnoclass. obviously megs is my #1 rubber duck roomie, whether she likes it or not, and she has helped me solve more problems than i am comfortable admitting. actually i’m very comfortable admitting it megs has untangled a myriad of fic knots on many occasions this year she is the best rubber duck in the world. and hazel has become my virtual rubber duck which is great because it means i have all my bases covered! truly these two are a dynamic duo because they will both just let me sit there and complain and yet always have the right thing to say.

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? as always, a great many things. make the same mistakes ‘til the morning breaks and the muke college beach fic are both inspired by things that happened with this one guy i know from school (yes, the same guy, and yes, he is represented by michael both times, and no, i do not know why it happened like that). the latter came from just a single snap i saw on his snap story, and none of the fic is actually based on real events, but the former is HEAVILY based on real events between this guy and one of my good friends at school. lmao!

i’ve been wishing i could breathe underwater is based on my experience scuba diving, which is to say, pure unmitigated terror, 1/10, do not recommend except to say that you did it. tequila shots from the dark scene of the crime is chock-full of baseball talk, specifically about Worst Team In Baseball the Washington Nationals (affectionate), so those feelings are straight from my heart. the concept of tell me what to see has not happened to me but it was very much inspired by my experience of getting in the habit of working out and realizing your muscles are literally increasing in size. the christmas fic has all my jewish disdain for christmas. that’s the shortlist, i think!

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? honestly, nope! i think other writers are thriving on their own fic journeys, as i am on mine. you guys seem to have a handle on things. i can reiterate my vehement loathing of comma splices or otherwise incorrectly-placed commas, but other than that i don’t have much to offer in the way of wisdom.

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? yes!! i am really excited to (hopefully) finish this fic ive been intermittently writing that is based on back together by tss. well, actually it’s based on the specific energy that was created in the world when back together and 2011 were released on the same night. it’s a tss!5sos au. it’s going to be really good okay. it’s tasty. and as always i hope to finish summer camp au i am dead fucking set on finishing that fic there is no question in my mind that it will be completed someday sooner rather than later i hope but definitely eventually. aside from those, i can’t think of any other fic plans i have! just gonna see where the winds of fic fate take me.

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: @igarbagecannoteven @allsassnoclass @kaleidoscopeminds @burstingsunrise @cringeycal (?) <3

#stuff #tag games #fic talk #it's 3:20am im going the fuck to sleep #tomorrow is going to stress me out so much #ive been experiencing low-grade but slowly-growing levels of stress for the past week or two about this trip #and now it's. now i'm leaving in TWO DAYS and jesus christ im nervous #i am so stupid for this #for everything #it's going to be fine #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gay fucking fear!!!!!!!#goodnight

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callsign-rockstar · 2 years ago

Text

When I Kissed The Teacher - N. Trace x fem reader

When the legendary Y/n "Raven" Y/l/n comes back to co-teach with Pete Maverick Mitchell, a certain aviator catches her eye at the Hard Deck the night before their first day of class. Phoenix is head over heels for Y/n, not knowing she'd be her teacher. Maybe kissing the instructor isn't so bad after all :)

a/n: hey guys!!!! I really hope you love this a lot, I really really enjoyed writing it and I literally cannot wait to write my next nat x fem reader fic hehehehe. anyways, this is dedicated to @cfvgbhndun since they sent in the ask. thank you so much! I hope you enjoy!!

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

Opening the door to the Hard Deck, y/n felt all the memories hit her in the face. The flurry of memories was both a cool ocean breeze and a huge tidal wave that swallowed her whole. The smell of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and a little bit of sweat wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea but it smelled like home. It smelled like the memories she’d made with her Top Gun classmates, her family.

Y/n walked in like she owned the place, she was taking off her aviators that were tangled in her hair, jacket falling off her shoulder a little. Some people recognized her, technicians and staff at the Top Gun who patted her on the back and smiled at her. She had retired from her position as Vice Admiral after an unfortunate accident on the carrier ship that had massively scarred her both emotionally and physically. Though she’d seen people die in combat, nothing would ever compare to the horrors she witnessed on that carrier. She retired from being in the skies as a highly decorated pilot, but more importantly as an absolute legend.

Walking toward the bar, she turned her head to the wall Penny had set up to commemorate the Top Gun classes and walked closer to it. She spotter her class a few pictures back from the last one she’d hung and it made her feel like it had been so long ago. She remembered each and every one of her classmates, from the quietest ones all the way to the ones who got on her nerves. Her eyes moved to the pictures next to hers, recognizing a few notable aviators. Then, she went all the way back to the pictures of the 80s and she scanned for the one where her co-teacher appeared. The legendary Maverick Mitchell was right there, but next to him was Goose Bradshaw. She knew about his son: he was supposed to go into the naval academy with her but she never really knew why he never made it.

As her eyes were returning to Maverick in the picture, Penny’s infamous bell rang out and the bar erupted in a deafening cheer. She smiled and turned around to the bar to see who all the commotion was for, spotting Pete in the flesh. They had met before, once or twice at naval events, and they’d flown together a couple times. To her, Mitchell was still a mystery, a legend, and someone who was quite similar to her. As three guys carried him out, she ran towards them and patted Maverick on the shoulder.

“Nice to see you, Pete!” she nearly yelled over all the commotion. He saluted her with a defeated smile as the men tossed him out of the bar and into the sand. She recognized the three men as some of the students they’d be teaching the next day and she couldn’t wait to see their reaction when they realized that they had literally thrown one of their teachers into the sand the evening before.

“Y/n!” exclaimed Penny from behind the bar.

“Long time no see, Penny,” replied Y/n, settling herself on a barstool and shoving her phone into her pocket. She knew the rules by now and she was not going to be the second person that night to get thrown out that evening, and certainly not the second teacher.

“How’ve you been, Raven?” asked Penny.

“Oh, you know, getting by. I really thought I was grounded for good. But I really couldn’t say no to coming back here, especially not when they told me I’d be co-teaching with Pete Mitchell. We both know I love a challenge, eh? How about you and Amelia?” replied y/n.

“Always here. Amelia’s doing great, she loves to sail and she likes to help around here before everyone comes in for the night,” said Penny.

“She must be so grown up by now! Time really does fly. Does she still play piano?” asked y/n.

“I mean, she likes to practice here in the mornings, but it’s really just for fun. I bet you still play piano though,” Penny winked, unplugging the jukebox. The sudden absence of music did not go unnoticed even with all the loud conversation and laughter.

“Damn, Penny, I haven’t even been here 20 minutes!” said Y/n laughing. She had no choice but to make her way towards the piano.

Over by the pool tables, a certain group of aviators watched her walking. They observed the way her hips swayed and the way her hair fell on her shoulders so effortlessly.

“Dude, who’s that chick?” asked a smirking Hangman. Coyote laughed with his friend, echoing his sentiment.

Phoenix couldn’t keep her eyes off of y/n, curiosity sparking in her. She had no idea who she was but something about her completely had her attention and drew her in. She almost didn’t notice her legs moving her toward the woman, interested in where she was heading.

Y/n sat at the bench in front of the piano cracking her knuckles for comedic effect, eliciting a few laughs from those who knew her and those who didn’t alike.

“It’s been a while,” she said, playing the keys on the piano to warm up and feel it again. She had a piano in her house, but she really hadn’t played the Hard Deck’s piano in a long time.

As her hands began to fly across the keyboard, she was back and better than ever.

“Listen, baby, ain’t no mountain high,” she started.

Her singing voice was booming, rich and smooth. It filled the entire bar, every crack and crevice just as much as it filled Penny’s and other people’s head with memories of what the Hard Deck used to be.

Phoenix was entranced, mesmerized by the woman sitting a few feet away from her. She was part of the group of people who had never heard Y/n sing or even seen her, but that were already charmed. Suddenly, she looked at Bradley, who was standing next to her.

“Hey Rooster, isn’t this a Bradshaw thing? The whole ‘I will burst into song if I see a piano nearby’?” she asked.

“I mean, it was. I guess someone took my place here while I was gone,” he replied.

“Actually,” Penny chimed in, “she filled the gap between you and your dad. He was here back in the 80s, and she came here in the late 90s. The greatest of her generation in every way,” she smiled.

“So she was top of her class?” Phoenix asked.

“She graduated as the best aviator out of all her Top Gun classmates. I’d say she was the best pilot the navy saw that entire decade, she was just like Maverick,” Penny answered.

Rooster was just starting to put the pieces together. Famous aviator from the 90s, best of the best, kind of like Maverick. He’d heard of the call sign Raven and began to understand who she could be. He was terribly impressed and somewhat starstruck, but he was also beginning to question why she was back there. Phoenix was even more in awe after learning this fact while hearing her voice fill the entire place.

“‘Cause, baby, there ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough, ain’t no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you baby”, she sang, the entire bar singing along with her. Even Maverick was enjoying himself through the window.

Phoenix was standing close enough to the piano to admire her face but not close enough to reach it. With her beer in hand, she cheered her on and sang along with her. She was struggling to not sit next to her and put her arm around the woman’s waist, but she thought of it as nothing more than a bad case of infatuation. She knew nothing about her, only that she was also an aviator, that she was talented as hell, and that she was the most gorgeous being she’d ever laid her eyes on.

Rooster seemed to notice this, leaning down to whisper in Phoenix’s ear.

“Seems like you’ve got a horrible case of heart eyes, Nat,” he said, laughing a little.

She was so fixated on Y/n that she barely registered Rooster’s comment and clapped furiously once the woman wrapped up her song. People clapped from every corner of the bar and she was by far the loudest cheerer. Y/n bowed and smiled at everyone, her gaze lingering on Phoenix for a second longer than it had on everyone else’s.

“Did you see that? Did you, Bradley? Please tell me it wasn’t just me,” she told Rooster.

“It wasn’t you, Phoenix. I saw that too,” he replied, smiling at Natasha.

A couple hours and many drinks after, Y/n decided it was time to head home. She knew the aviators she’d be teaching were at the Hard Deck the whole time she was there, but she didn’t necessarily think it was the best idea to introduce herself to them in this state. She said goodbye to Penny and walked home. She purposely didn’t drive to the bar because the apartment she was renting wasn’t too far and because she knew she’d be drunk and definitely wouldn’t be able to drive.

Natasha was following Y/n with her eyes through the window.

“Earth to Phoenix!! Anyone home?” asked Rooster.

Phoenix was pretty drunk. In fact, she considered herself a responsible drinker. Tonight, however, she kept asking Penny for one more shot of courage and then she’d go talk to Y/n. Penny gave into it because she knew Phoenix wasn’t actually going to do anything and would only admire y/n from afar. But now it was almost midnight and she was near hammered.

“Yeah? I’m here. Where’s the hot lady?” she asked, words slurring.

“She just left, hun,” laughed Penny.

In her drunken state, she felt a very deep sadness.

“Can I go with her, please?” she asked Rooster. He laughed a little bit and she frowned.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said, walking her out of the bar.

Y/n had made it home, slotting her keys into the lock and opening the door quietly. Even drunk, she knew it was late and that the people on her floor were asleep and she didn’t want to make much noise so as to not interrupt their rest. In a way, she was envious of them. They were blissfully asleep and wouldn’t wake up with a massive headache tomorrow. But most of all, they weren’t returning to a place that held so many bittersweet memories.

Sighing, she hung her purse on the coat rack by the door and taking off her heeled boots. She shimmied out of her jacket, hanging it on the rack as well. Walking into her room, she opened her closet and looked for pajamas. Summers in California were infamously hot, and even though the AC was humming quietly, she needed shorts and a tank top to sleep in. She changed and then walked out into the kitchen to get some water in an attempt to sober up at least a little bit before going to bed and diminishing the hangover she knew she’d have the next morning.

Phoenix was in the passenger seat of Rooster’s Bronco, swaying to the love song that played through the car speakers.

“Kiss me, beneath the milky twilightttttt,” she sang. Out of the corner of his eye, Rooster could see her smiling and he giggled at how charmed she was by this woman they’d seen at the bar only from afar. He knew that Natasha was dedicating this song to that pilot from the bar, and he could only hope that they would see her again. Partly because he was really rooting for Phoenix and partly because he wanted to see her beauty one more time. He walked her into her apartment and made sure she was ok before heading out to his own.

Y/n’s eyes shot open as her alarm blared on her nightstand. She had a headache, but it was nowhere near as bad as she thought it would be. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon but it still lit up her room enough for her to squint and get up to open the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. The morning greeted her with a nice breeze but the sun warmed her enough to stay out there a couple minutes. This had always been her favorite part of the day when she was here for Top Gun, seeing the sun rise and knowing that she’d be up in the air all day.

She drank her morning coffee and ate breakfast, then heading into the bathroom for a shower, and finally got dressed for the day. A short sleeved white shirt and a black leather skirt would do for the first portion of the day when she had to teach. She was going to wear her military jacket over it, just to remind the aviators who they were dealing with. Truthfully, she wasn’t expecting them to know her so she really just wanted them to see the badges and understand that she was a very respectable pilot. She made her way out of the apartment, tossing her duffel bag (which contained her flight suit and other important things) in the passenger seat.

Driving to the base, she had the top of her vintage Mercedes down and her aviator sunglasses on. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel like the coolest person on Earth, and she felt like she was 23 again.

She pulled into the staff parking lot and into the spot they had reserved for her, turning the radio down and seeing Maverick come in right after her.

“Hey, Raven!” he said, smiling and getting off his infamous motorcycle.

“Hi, Maverick. Real pleasure to see you,” she replied, giving him a hug.

“Sweet ride, y/l/n. How’ve you been?” he asked, making small talk with his co-teacher.

“Thanks, this baby cost me a fortune, but it’s worth every penny. And I’ve been alright. You know I’m still involved with the navy, just here on the ground. I’m surprised to see you back here, actually,” she replied.

“Ah, you see, this is more of a punishment. But the fact that I get to teach with you makes it a little better. Reminds me of the old days,” he said.

They walked into the Vice admiral’s office to talk to him before meeting the aviators. After the quick meeting, they entered the hangar where the pilots were. They walked down the middle of the desks together, looking like the most badass pair of teachers the navy had ever seen. Both of them knew how they looked, and they walked in a way that showed it, matching smirks decorating both their faces.

“Good morning aviators!” Y/n began.

“Welcome to the most rigorous training you’ve had. I am Captain Pete Mitchell, call sign Maverick and I will be one of your instructors over the next couple of weeks,” continued Maverick. His call sign elicited gasps and smiles from the students, Y/n noticing the three guys who had thrown him out of the bar last night wincing. She couldn’t help but smile at them and also at her partner being back here.

“And I am Vice Admiral Y/n Y/l/n, call sign Raven. I will also be your instructor for this mission. Now, to begin…,” said Y/n. The room was quiet and the aviators were shocked. Being taught by Maverick was one thing. But being taught by the Raven was something entirely different. They’d heard the stories of her legendary skills, her maneuvers, and the accident on the plane carrier that finally made her stay on the ground. All of those were just legends, but here she was, in the flesh. And the aviators were starstruck. But one particular aviator was turning red and realizing that her chances of getting with Raven had dropped to zero.

Once the orientations were completed, the pilots walked out into the late morning sun and the teachers headed to the locker rooms to change into their flight suits.

“Ready, Raven? Sure you still got it?” teased Maverick.

“I was born ready, Mitchell,” she replied, and in that moment, Pete Mitchell knew he’d finally met his match and that she had never lost the fire of flying.

The aviators were walking towards their planes, when Hangman began to speak to them.

“I think I’m damn close to beating Maverick, but I know I can beat Raven,” he said.

“Dude, do you even know how amazing she was in the air?” asked Coyote.

“But she’s been grounded for a while, she’s gotta be rusty by now,” he replied.

“What do you wanna bet?” asked Coyote, sensing an opportunity for a wonderful bet. He knew that Hangman would lose, so he really took advantage of it.

“Well, if I do beat her, you owe me 100 bucks,” said Hangman.

“And if you don’t, you have to sing When I Kissed The Teacher by ABBA,” replied Coyote. Both men were so sure they would win that they shook hands on it immediately.

“Good morning, aviators!” said Raven and Maverick in unison.

“Welcome to dogfighting 101,” started Maverick.

“First to be taken down does 100 pushups?” asked Hangman.

“You’re in for it, Lieutenant,” said Raven, shooting up between his and Phoenix’s plane.

Once she was back in the cockpit, it was like she had never left. She flew like never before and exceeded the aviators’ greatest expectations, she was straight out of their wildest dreams and further.

After a couple intense minutes, she had her target locked on Phoenix and Bob’s plane.

“Trace, Floyd, you’re dead,” she said.

Natasha couldn’t even be mad, not when it was Raven who’d shot them down. She observed as Raven masterfully snuck up behind Hangman’s plane and locked him with ease.

“Wow,” sighed Phoenix.

“You’re not drooling over me, are you, Phoenix?” asked Raven. Phoenix nervously stumbled over her words, but Y/n only laughed.

That evening, Y/n was driving back to her apartment to get ready for a night at the Hard Deck with her students and Maverick. It had been her idea to get to know them on the ground because she wanted to get a feel for how they really were as people, not just as aviators.

She looked for something to wear and thought that a black lacy bodysuit and a pair of loose ripped jeans would be alright. She knew that these were her students, but she also knew that the oldest was around her own age, so she didn’t feel like she had to hold back when it came to her clothing choices. She tossed on her leather jacket and put on a pair of simple black heels. She decided to drive to the Hard Deck because she wasn’t going to risk drinking too much tonight and embarrassing herself in front of her students.

She could hear an ABBA song playing from inside, and a certain Hangman singing along to the song. She laughed to herself, wondering what he had done to be stuck in that predicament. Phoenix was arriving at the Hard Deck and Raven turned around when she heard another person walking behind her.

“Hi, Lieutenant Trace,” said Y/n with a smile.

“Hello, Vice Admiral Y/l/n,” replied Phoenix with a nervous grin.

“Beautiful summer night, isn’t it?” asked Raven, looking up at the cloudless sky.

Phoenix almost didn’t hear what she said because she was too busy looking at Raven’s red lips.

“Yea, I missed this kind of thing back from when I was in Top Gun,” said Phoenix with a smile.

The women walked into the bar together, Rooster winking and raising his beer at Phoenix all the way from the pool tables. She rolled her eyes but smiled when she noticed Raven looking at her.

“Wanna go get a drink?” asked Raven.

“Totally!” answered Phoenix.

What entranced Phoenix most about her teacher was the fact that she was always so cool. So suave. She was effortlessly picturesque and beautiful, even when her hair had been tangled by the wind, even when her face was red with markings from her helmet, and especially when she was in the locker room after flying with her suit around her waist and a sports bra on. It drove Phoenix wild, but what she didn’t know was that Raven felt the exact same way, treading carefully in fear that Phoenix would reject her advances. But everything seemed to be going well tonight, so it was a great night for both of them.

They sat at the bar for a few minutes until Raven decided it was time to go spend some time with her other pupils and get to know them. Phoenix lingered at the bar, feeling a little defeated.

“What’s wrong, Nat?” questioned Penny.

“What’s wrong is that I’m in love with my teacher,” replied Phoenix, her head in her hands.

“And she likes you a lot too,” replied Penny.

“I mean, yes, I tried to be a good pilot today and I’m glad that she likes me but she doesn’t like me the way I like her,” said Phoenix.

“No, listen to me, Trace. She like likes you, I promise,” said Penny.

Natasha sat at the bar, processing what she’d heard from Penny with a drink in hand and watching her teacher have fun by the pool tables with the boys.

“What are you waiting for, Nat? Go get her!” said Penny.

Phoenix swallowed the rest of her drink, putting her glass down on the table and getting up with a newfound confidence to go for Raven. She made her way over to the pool table and walked past Hangman to go stand next to Y/n. She had taken her coat off and hung it on a chair, exposing the lace tank she was wearing and making Phoenix both more intimidated and more in love.

“You think you can beat me at pool?” asked Natasha.

“Oh, I know I can beat you at pool,” replied Raven.

“Game on, then. If I win, you buy us all a round of drinks,” said Natasha.

“And if I win, I get to give you a kiss. That is, if you want it,” this, Raven whispered into Natasha’s ear.

“If I win, Hangman has got to sing Kiss Me for all of us, for the little stunt he pulled thinking he could beat me at dogfighting,” said Raven out loud. She wasn’t sure she wanted everyone to know that she might be starting something with her student just yet. But something told her that later on tonight, they would find out.

“Why do I always get brought in to these things?” asked Hangman. But the deal was made and there was no turning back. Though her fellow aviators wanted her to win, Natasha was willing to lose for a kiss from Raven. And it wouldn’t hurt to see Hangman sing again.

“Aaaaand that’s a Raven win!” Exclaimed Maverick. The aviators were defeated because they really did want free drinks, but Hangman was especially upset because he had to sing for the second time that night. He was pretty drunk, so when he stepped up to the microphone, it made the situation all the funnier.

“Hey Penny? Mav and I are gonna buy a round for the students,” said Raven. Penny winked at them and got started on the drinks for them.

Hangman was slurring his words while singing but he seemed sincerely in love. He was teasing Rooster who was directly in front of him and also significantly more sober. He was playing right into it, deciding to have some fun and blowing him kisses every now and again.

“Something tells me neither of them are joking,” said Raven, wrapping her arm around Phoenix’s waist. The bar was still pretty full, but they’d managed to find a spot that was relatively empty and quiet. Both of their hearts were beating rapidly and the butterflies in their stomachs were hard to ignore.

“Come with me, I wanna show you something,” said Y/n, grabbing Nat’s hand and walking toward the terrace which was empty.

“When I was in Top Gun, my wingman was my best friend. You know, you and Bob remind me of us. We were the typical confident-shy pair, and we were good. We were amazing. People started off calling us the Maverick and Goose of our generation, and I used to tell them to stop that. They thought it was because I didn’t want to be compared to anyone, but it was really because I grew paranoid of losing my best friend like Maverick had. He was my brother and I couldn’t even imagine losing him. We used to come out here on noisy nights, when we wanted to clear our heads, it’s a sacred place for me,” said Raven, looking up at the stars. Phoenix, anticipating the next part of the story, held y/n’s hand tighter.

“But then my worst fears came true. Then, the carrier happened and he died. He died in my arms. It was straight out of my nightmares, him taking his last breath as I desperately tried to hold on to the last shred of hope I had that he’d come back. See that bright star over there? We always used to say it was ours, ever since we went to the naval academy together and we were both annoyed by the fact that it was too bright to let us sleep,” she laughed. Phoenix smiled at this woman, the woman that only hours ago she’d thought impenetrable, made out of steel. And she hugged her tight, feeling all the warmth and love she radiated.

“I’m sorry about that, Y/n. I can’t imagine going through that. I’m honored you decided to share this with me,” replied Phoenix with a warm smile.

“Well, now that that parts done, I have a bet to fulfill, haven’t I” Said Raven. Phoenix wanted to nod, but she didn’t know it was the right call, so she just looked into Y/n’s eyes, hoping that she would understand what she meant.

Y/n put one hand on Phoenix’s face, pulling her in with her other arm wrapped around her waist. Phoenix melted into her embrace, wrapping her arms around Raven’s neck, deepening the kiss. It felt eternal, it felt perfect. The moon shined a little brighter and the world stopped spinning for a couple minutes that stretched to the length of a million lifetimes.

When it was over, they sat there in each other’s arms, eyes closed in bliss. Just as they were opening their eyes, they heard Hangman’s voice from inside.

“Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight, lead me out on the moonlit floooooor lift you open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, silver moon sparkling… so kiss meeeeeee,” he sang. Apparently, it was his third round with the same song. This time, Phoenix kissed Raven one more time. And another time, and one more time after that. Both of them went back inside and Rooster glanced at Phoenix, winking at his friend like he had at the beginning of the night.

Hangman had moved on from Kiss Me back to When I Kissed the Teacher, making Phoenix and Raven laugh at what they’d just done.

“Wanna come back to my place, Phoenix?” asked Y/n.

“Thought you’d never ask,” replied Phoenix, linking arms with Raven as they were leaving the bar.

#natasha trace #top gun #natasha phoenix trace #phoenix trace #phoenix top gun #top gun maverick #call sign rockstar #rocky loves her followers #phoenix x reader #natasha trace x reader #natasha trace imagine #phoenix imagine #natasha trace x fem reader #phoenix x fem reader

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chockfullofsecrets · 3 years ago

Note

"If I'm not careful I'm gonna end up writing content for a character who literally never appears in 141 episodes"

I mean, you are more than welcome to. In fact, we will gratefully encourage this.

you encourage chock? you encourage chock like the author? oh! oh! tk fic for anon! tk fic for anon for Two Thousand Words!

(also, heads up that i am moving next week! have been working on Importance of Timing when i can, but the first chapter probably won't be here for another two weeks at least.)

---

Verin Thelyss, Essek knows, is a seasoned battle commander and strategist.

He’s also in possession of the instinct to tackle people when he’s excited, so Essek is well aware that it’s only those decades of training and experience that have his little brother pausing for the briefest instant as Caleb and Jester teleport him into the hold of the Nein Heroez before he launches himself at Essek in a dead run.

Veth and Caduceus are at their respective homes, Kingsley watching over the ship, but he is far from alone - Yasha and Fjord each have a supportive hand on his shoulder, a silent assurance from the tense minutes waiting for their friends to return from Bazzoxan. They swear in unison and scramble for their weapons as Verin screeches to a halt just shy of shunting Essek straight though the hull and yanks him into a rib-crushing hug.

He burrows into the junction of Essek’s neck and shoulder, made possible only by virtue of the activated floating spell that puts the coiffed swoop of his hair a full inch above Verin’s. “Thank the fucking Light, you’re not actually dead.”

“What the fuck, he’s like a swearing puppy,” Beau hisses. There’s a soft thwap as Fjord gently smacks her across the back of the head.

Essek is feeling out the edges of friendly intimacy, still, stumbling through every brush of fingers and shared look of exasperation, but even he does not need Jester’s frantic gesturing to prompt him to lift his arms and awkwardly wrap them around Verin’s shoulders.

It’s like wrapping a single thread of silk around one of Yasha’s biceps. Clearly he is not built for comforting.

Verin stiffens with a single sharp twitch of his ear against Essek’s collarbone . Essek’s thoughts flail wildly between an expectation of tears or a dagger to his ribs, but his brother just laughs, loud and hearty, and snuggles even further into his personal space. “I see someone’s finally taught you how to hug back - you should have written and told me, this is better news than any number of pages on den politics.”

Essek bristles. “Careful, or I will stop,” he huffs, somewhat more waspishly than he intends to.

Luckily, Verin has proven immune to his moods. “Oh, please don’t,” he insists, voice still crackling with glee. He grins, warm and wide enough that Essek can feel it against the side of his neck. “It just makes doing this that much easier.”

“Doing what,” Essek says reflexively, even as the tiny portion of his brain that he allows to remember his childhood starts to blare an alarm. “Verin-”

It’s far too late to realize that Verin’s hands have somehow been maliciously positioned just along the backs of his ribs.

Jester, standing with Caleb behind Verin, perks up in clear interest as the corners of his mouth start to twitch up. On second thought, Essek thinks he’d have preferred the dagger.

“Verin,” he hisses again, fighting back the anticipatory shiver crawling up his back. “Don’t - don’t you dare-”

It’s about then that Verin’s evil, evil fingers find the edges of his mantle’s arm slits and squeeze him even closer as they stretch to wriggle under his arms.

He snatches his arms back, but it’s too late - a dismayed giggle sneaks from his throat, then another, and then he’s beating helplessly at Verin’s shoulders as he dissolves into high, squeaking laughter.

Every single nerve between his armpits and his ribs squirms in unison - a bubbly, slippery sensation even more potent for how long it’s been since he last felt it. “No,” he shrieks. “I - ahaha! eeheee! - no tickling, no tickling, Verin-”

Jester looks thrilled - she’s bouncing on her toes, babbling something to Caleb that’s inaudible over the rush of his own laughter. Light, the Nein are going to tear him apart for this-

“Yes, tickling,” Verin protests, laughing right along with him. “All the tickling! You let me think you were dead! For months! I thought I was never going to get to watch my poor brother giggle himself to pieces ever again!”

He’s not, because Essek is going to kill him. “That - nahaha, hff, ahaaa! - that was - ha - it’s been decades - stop, stop, there’s people!”

“Yeah, people,” Beau says, loud and smug and far too close behind him. “Hey - Verin, was it? - does hotboi here have a worst spot?”

Oh no. Oh no. Essek squeezes his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to focus and does the only thing he can while laughing like an idiot.

With a shaky flick of his wrist, his floating dispels. Verin yelps in surprise as gravity takes Essek straight out of his grip.

The instant his boots hit the deck, Essek twists the rest of the way out of his grip and bolts.

There’s nowhere to go, really - the Nein have a room full of Counterspells, and Verin can run faster than he can, and he’s already tumbling halfway back into laughter in giddy anticipation of being caught. Still, it’s a surprise when he stumbles into a brick wall of leather and biceps that resolves itself into Yasha as she hoists him back into the air.

“Oh, where do you think you’re going?” She sounds admirably innocent given the soft, teasing smile she gives him.

“Noooo,” Essek giggles. Heat gathers in his cheeks as he tries to make himself stop - it doesn’t make sense, he’s not even being tickled anymore, but even the potential for it flutters light and fizzy at the bottom of his lungs. “I - I’m not ticklish anymore, I’m not-”

The Nein and Verin cluster around the two of them, bubbling with various levels of amusement. “Really?” Beau drawls. “It’s cute that you think denying it has a single fucking chance of working.”

The sarcasm helps him center himself, if only a little - he buries his face in Yasha’s arm and sucks in a deep breath that doesn’t do nearly enough to get rid of his blush.

He straightens as best he can while being bear hugged by a barbarian. “I am denying nothing,” he says carefully. Jester is still bouncing next to Beau, fingertips already twitching where they’re curled sweetly on her cheeks around a mischievous beaming smile, and Essek has to look away before the nervous snickers still wobbling on the back of his tongue can worm their way free. “I am well aware that Verin is - incorrigible-”

He hisses the last word in his brother’s direction - again, harsher than he intends, but he is so unused to being soft around him - and fails to contain a shy smile as Verin sticks his tongue out in retaliation.

Jester’s tail waves its way into the edge of his peripheral vision. He jumps and looks over at Fjord instead. “-but I, ah, I would ask for more respect from the rest of you-”

“You really shouldn’t,” Fjord says, grinning boyishly back at him. “I mean, you know us.”

And then, to Fjord’s right - “Essek?”

He’s been avoiding looking at Caleb. It is foolish, perhaps, to think that after all of the incredibly stupid things he knows Essek has done he will decide to judge him for this, but he cannot help the way his shoulders stiffen as he twists a little further to meet the gaze of the last link in their semicircle. “Yes?”

Caleb looks - focused, in an offhanded way, like he’s intent on something happening just slightly out of their current reality. Stunned might be a better word for it. He blinks for a moment before focusing those keen blue eyes somewhere near Essek’s eyebrows. “Ah - did you know that when you laugh, your ears -” He puts his hands up to his own ears and flaps them a little.

Drow do not run particularly warm, but that only makes it easier for Essek to feel the heat absolutely flood back into his face. “I-” he stammers. Nearly a century of politics is nowhere near enough to help him keep a straight face. “I - ah - eeh!-”

Caleb is close enough to reach out and run a questing fingertip over Essek’s left ear - it flicks wildly, trying to dislodge the unexpected tickle, but a surprised squeak still slips out.

There’s a moment of silence before Verin starts to snicker. “Oh, I like your friends,” he says merrily, beaming. “Go on, Light knows he doesn’t let himself laugh enough otherwise.”

“Don’t,” Essek gets out hastily, but Caleb is already reaching out for another go and Yasha’s grip is firm enough that all he can do is squeak again. “Wait - hm, hnn!”

Beau sidles up to Yasha’s side and gives him a self satisfied leer as she reaches out across their little group to pluck the feather from Fjord’s tricorn. “You got him, babe?”

“I do,” Yasha confirms and lets out a little squeak of her own as Beau reaches around her, no doubt squeezing something entirely inappropriate with company present.

“Hot,” Beau smirks, and reaches to flutter the feather over Essek’s right ear. “Aw, does that tickle? Thought you said you weren’t ticklish, man.”

Essek maintains some facsimile of composure for all of two seconds before his face crumples “Nnn - hehehe - eheehe - oh!”

His lungs are surely going to burst, with the way they’re shivering out desperate giggles as he shakes his head frantically between Caleb’s fingers and the teasing feather. He can’t move his arms, so he kicks his legs instead. “Please,” he begs, nearly incomprehensible even to his own ears. “Ah - aha, heeheehee! - tickles-”

Verin leans down and scoops his ankles up with one ridiculously sculpted arm. “Essek, you’re going to put a hole in someone with those boots.”

He looks up, raising his eyebrows teasingly, and Essek’s stomach drops like he’s cast something on it. “Here, I’ll fix that.”

Essek’s eyes, narrowed with laughter, shoot wide open. He doesn’t remember Verin being this evil - but then again, his brother’s never been egged on by five other people determined to render reports of his death more realistic.

“Verin, Verin, no-” he tries, but he’s giggling so hard that he can’t even get the words out. He twists as far away from Caleb and Beau as he can, flailing frantically, but Verin’s grip holds firm.

He pouts dramatically. “What? Is it my fault that my tiny, ticklish wizard brother insists on wearing metal-tipped boots that endanger everyone?”

Essek opens his mouth to reply and promptly dissolves into another frantic peal of laughter as Beau gets bored of his ears and shoves her feather in Caleb’s direction before jabbing a finger between his trapped arm and his chest to get at his armpit. “Your - shihihit, shit, ahahaaa, not there! - your arcanist brother is going to kill you just as soon as I can- hahaha!”

Verin just laughs, unlacing one of his boots and starting to slide it off. “Is that your attempt to convince me not to tickle your feet?”

Jester, practically vibrating, emits a sound that perhaps only weasels can hear. “Oh, that’s so cute! Can I have one of them?”

“One of his feet? Sure.” Verin hands over an ankle, grinning down at Jester. “You, I think you’re my favorite.”

As Essek gasps and struggles and falls further and further into a formless mirth that makes him feel so light he can hardly bear it, there’s a different sensation at his ear. A hazy portion of his brain identifies it as the rough bristle of chin scruff and an amused huff of breath.

“You don’t really want them to stop, do you,” Caleb murmurs. “I will help you, if you do.”

It’s quite unfair, Essek feels, to try and make him explain himself while he’s strung out and dizzy with laughter. He tries anyway, for a syllable or two, but Verin digs in between two of his toes and he ends up just tipping his cheek against Caleb’s and shaking, laughing too hard to make a single sound.

“Alright, then,” Caleb says. “In that case-”

He brandishes the feather with a flourish more suited to somatic casting, swooping it down the length of Essek’s nose before directing it back to his ear.

“Tickle, tickle...”

#asks #tickling #critical role #essek thelyss #verin thelyss #caleb widogast #chocfic

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mardereads19 · 4 years ago

Text

A Comparrison between Az’s Chapter and Cassian’s Chapters in Acofas

Today I found myself inspired by @thereaderspeaks ‘s post and what I had to add about it, to write this long-ass post comparing Az’s chapter in Acosf to Cassian’s three chapters in Acofas.

@rhyssescups does an amazing job in this post (and @psychee92 in this one) of comparing Az’s chapter to Cassian’s POV in Wings and Embers. I’ll also attach @psychee92 ‘s comparison of both batboys’ attitudes after their respective solstices. But I’m going to concentrate on Az’s POV and Acofas rather than Wings and Embers.

There are a LOT of things in common, so when you add the posts linked above to this one, you’ll see how Azriel’s emotions and his interaction with Gwyn mirror those of Cassian. Everyday I find more peace of mind regarding Elriel.

Before I begin, I want to clarify that Emerie is not in Wings and Embers, but on Cassian’s perspective in Acofas. I had seen many people on Tumblr and on Twitter saying (by mistake) that she’s in W&E, so I wanted to point that out. It is Mor who is mentioned in W&E. How Cassian does not want to tell her about Nesta, etc. For more on that, check out the links I attached above.

There are many elements that Cassian and Azriel share in their chapters and I decided to divide them into categories. I’ll support them with quotes so that we have the receipts. With that said…

Let’s get started!

1. Distance

In both instances there was something that separated the couples and caused distance.

In Cassian’s case it was post-war-Nesta and even Cassian himself (it was pride that kept him ignoring her all through the party until he couldn’t take it anymore and ran after her, simple as that):

In Azriel’s case it was his understanding of what he feels for Elain and the fact that she has a mate. But also, let’s add Rhys’s order as a new element that will cause distance.

2. Emotions

Cassian did not allow himself to think about Nesta because of the feelings that stirred up in him.

Anger, passion, confusion.

And Azriel…

Well, well, well... What do we have here?

Anger, passion, confusion.

He was ready to spar it out of his system, too, like Cassian.

3. Something the batboys associate with their mate Archeron sister

I noticed that in both cases, Cass and Az had given their girls something that they associated with them, be it material or other.

For example, Cassian’s was names for Nesta’s poses.

He saw Nesta stand in any particular way and if it was something she repeated he gave that pose a name. It is something he associates with her.

In Azriel’s case, we know he gives Elain a rose necklace.

Roses signify Elain because of what she does: gardening; But also, it could simply represent them. Their way of spending time together (here’s a post of different refences of Elriel in the garden by @silver-flames) and their relationship that has been slowly blooming in secret, like how that charm shines with colors when it’s in the light, but looks ordinary in the dark.

4. The batboys hurting the sisters

In both POVs the Illyrians hurt the Archerons.

Cassian does it out of anger. Because Nesta kept rejecting him. Instead of holding his tongue, like any mature person should, he tells her something that destroys her (we know by her reaction).

See how her eyes go empty?

Well, in his chapter, Azriel hurts Elain, too, though it pains him as much as it pains her because he did not do it intentionally.

5. The sisters rejecting/returning the gifts

Nesta rejects Cassian’s gift, though I wouldn’t have taken it either after what he told her. This quote comes from before his insult, but my point is that she left without taking the gift.

Also, notice how Cassian hadn’t wanted to give Nesta her present in front of the others, something that Azriel does, too, though for different reasons. Cassian had feared rejection and had been waiting for her to approach him.

Azriel had not given Elain her present because Lucien, her mate, was there.

And of course, Elain returns her gift after Azriel left her standing in the hall with the words “this was a mistake.” I wouldn’t have stayed with that necklace either, not when it reminded me of that moment.

6. Regifting/Comparing

Something particular that happens in both characters’ PoV is the regifting of the objects the batboys used to relate to their girls. I do not think they are necessarily wrong, just that it happens.

Cassian uses the name of one of Nesta’s poses to describe Emerie.

He also compares her way of speaking and the look in her eyes to that of Nesta.

Azriel regifts the necklace that represents Elain to Gwyn (though he doesn’t give it to her personally, just hands it to Clotho for her to do it), and describes her with the same quote he used on the necklace (Elriel).

I have my own theory on why the thought of her smile makes him smile. Soon I will explain.

7. Getting rid of the gifts (decisions made in haste)

Cassian being all impulsive and throwing the very expensive and extremely unique gift to the Sidra:

Gotta love our hotheaded overgrown bat. (My baby!! <3)

Then, we have Az making the dumb decision of regifting the present because somehow he couldn’t get rid of it (symbolism but not the post for it).

He was in a bad place when he made the decision, and even Clotho points out that his eyes are sad.

The quote in purple is important to note. The theory about Clotho not giving Gwyn the necklace? That line is good for it. The fact that he told Clotho to give the necklace to anyone as long as he didn’t have it and the sadness she gleaned in his eyes is enough for her to know there is more to it than what he tells her.

I also want to point out that we know for a fact that Cassian regretted getting rid of the present and that he knows he had been foolish that night. So, considering how parallel to each other these chapters are, I’m sure that Azriel will, too.

8. Distraction/Consolation (Aftermath)

I think it is important to highlight how Cassian got to the Townhouse late and was followed by a worried Mor, who most likely consoled him after his disastrous evening with Nesta...

...and compare it to how Azriel had needed to release unspent energy and was successfully distracted from his bad juju by the short lesson he gave to Gwyn:

He straight up says he’s thankful for the distraction. That was what the whole convo had been for him -in a good sense.

It also aligns super well with @silverlinedeyes ‘s theory of Gwyn being a lightsinger in how they appear to people when they are lost. Gwyn was there when Azriel needed someone (even just to distract him), be it coincidence or not, and that cannot be ignored.

If Gwyn does take on a role in Acotar 5, I think it will have a lot to do with being his friend and confidant (and trainee), someone who will help him figure out what to do about his situation, just like how she unknowingly helped him on solstice.

9. Empathy towards the Valkyries

Another parallel that I found in the chapter is how Cassian felt empathy for Emerie’s situation upon looking at her...

...and how Azriel’s interaction with Gwyn brought about the same reaction:

This is what I was talking about earlier. Notice how he sees her pain and grief and prefers when she’s happy to when she’s sad? Who wouldn’t want that? That is the same mentality I apply to his smile at the thought of her smiling. That he is glad that something would make her happy after what she has been through. Especially after remembering her past (within the last three pages).

10. Emerie and Gwyn’s attitudes

This was super curious for me! Look at how both girls say goodbye to the batboys:

Emerie being a whole independent female, and Gwyn…

All business.

Literally got the same energy from them.

Gwyn finished the convo and continued her practice like the badass warrior that she is. There was no demure glance or cloy blush anywhere. The interaction was not romantic, purely platonic. Just like Emerie’s with Cassian.

11. This interesting parallel:

These two moments that are almost identical:

Cassian tells Emerie to give the Illyrians the clothes he just bought and to tell them it was the High Lord’s gift. He does it because he knows the Illyrians would not accept them if they knew they came from Cassian.

Azriel:

Another one (DJ khaled voice).

“Just tell her it was a gift from Rhys.”

Why does he do that? Because it wasn’t romantic and if Gwyn had known she’d have brought it up in conversation. He just wanted to be rid of it, so he gave it to her, perhaps as a way of thanking her for the distraction yesterday, but nothing more.

“If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them.” He didn’t care who’d have it as long as it wasn’t him.

Conclusion:

(Wings and Embers + Acofas) Cassian = Acosf bonus chapter Azriel

That’s the real formula bestie SJM used and the receipts are here.

Azriel mirrors Cassian in emotions, actions and interactions.

Remember how Nesta Antis began shipping Cass with Emerie after their interaction in Acofas simply because they hated Nesta? Their scene had zero romantic energy, but Nesta Antis still did it.

Well, history repeats itself with Elain.

Regarding Gwyn: So far, I see no build-up to something more than a friendship. Like we explored, Az’s scene with her was similar to Cassian’s with Emerie. The differences lie in that Gwyn is more energetic than Emerie and that Az’s shadows reacted to her power (she has powers, read about it in the lighsinger theory).

There is literally nothing more I can add.

Peace out.

#elriel discussion #elriel endgame #elriel #elain #azriel #elain x azriel #acotar #acotar 5 #acosf #acosf spoilers #azriel bonus chapter #wings and embers #acofas #sarah j maas

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captnjacksparrow · 4 years ago

Text

Why do I ship SNS?

It is a known fact that when people experience a good media, they like to discuss various things they liked, hated, interpret what the creator trying to say and get something from what they have consumed. Eventually people end up in a shipping war if there are multiple possibilities.

I started watching Naruto on a whim, hoping to see some ninjas in action with some revenge as a background (after all when you have power, there will always be a revenge). Am a sucker for revenge, btw. I am a person who hates romance in media. Because, every movie, book, novel, series has this same recycled romance plastered into every story even though the story don’t need at all. So, I am very tired of it. Every media portrays romance as something inevitable, necessary and something we can’t live without. That’s wrong.

Usually, romance goes like this... Person A sees Person B... they hate each other and add some possessiveness, jealousy... they magically gets attracted through some shared experiences eventually... they kiss and make babies. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just very tiring as I’ve seen million forms of this same repeated trope. I always cringe and yell “Can you give us something different? Grrr.....”.

And also, my motto is that love can happen with any person. It can’t be restrained into certain boundaries. So, I don’t like to put some relationship under an umbrella called Gay, Lesbian, Straight or whatever. Of course, illicit relationships and incest are not normal and am not okay with it.

With all that being said...

My experience after watching the Shippuden series until episode 478 was “Wait, do they love each other?”. I know am very late to realize this, but I have never even viewed them with any romantic lens throughout.

On my first watch, I was always under the impression that “They are friends”... But there are certain moments I felt “Wait, why are they doing like this which could’ve been handled in a different way!!” I will get to this later in this post. But those moments were overlooked by me because of my curiosity of “What happens next ??”.

And on my rewatch, it only confirmed my view.

The other popular ships like SS and NH put forth many points to invalidate what SNS represents. The most common being “They are reincarnated brothers” or “They are best friends”. Am just going to debunk them from my point of view.

Naruto and Sasuke are like brothers.....

Nope.

The best brotherhood title, in this series, should officially go to Itachi and Sasuke.

You can argue as much as you want that Itachi mindfucked Sasuke and killed his parents....yaada yaada....

It is repeatedly shown why Itachi put a curtain on his own clan. The reason is, Uchiha clan decided to forcefully take over the village. No matter how much innocent you are, you cannot take over something with force. Dot. I will write about this in a separate post.

In short, Sasuke realised how his clan members were wrong after hearing the story from the First Hokage, Hashirama Senju. That’s why he openly proclaimed “I am going to protect Konoha and become Hokage”.

Back to the topic, Itachi and Sasuke are blood brothers. If I ship them both, then what you claim is very valid.

The above gif says, “Sasuke, I know, I made a mistake by filling you with hatred. But whatever you decide to do from now on, I will love you always”. Meaning, He stopped treating Sasuke as a kid and accepts that Sasuke has his own path to walk.

This is exactly how brothers behave. I would do the same to my kid sister. You can see a fraternal instinct from Itachi’s eyes realizing that this is their last time together.

Another thing, Brothers trope always has this hierarchy.... Protect the younger sibling no matter what. It is evident from Madara/Izuna and Hashirama/Tobirama.

Not convinced?

If you pull the Indra and Ashura bullshit, let me tell you one thing. Indra and Ashura were separated and formed their own clan long ago. They eventually branched off into Uchiha and Senju clans. No way you can relate a century old blood relation as brothers. It’s just their chakra got reincarnated over and over.

Don’t pull up an incest angle between Naruto and Sasuke. Because they never shared a womb. Dot.

Naruto and Sasuke are Best Friends only.

You know what, you are almost right. I thought that for a very long time. Remember I never wore any shipping goggles ON.

There are two types of best friend categories. Best Friends without a reason and Best Friends through rivalry.

Best Friends without a reason in Narutoverse are: Shikamaru/Choji.

They just became friends and became BFF. They won’t fight or hurt each other. But when you have something to share...you would go to that person and share everything honestly.

Best Friends through Rivalry: Kakashi/Obito, Hashirama/Madara, Naruto/Sasuke

I really cannot provide more proof for the first two pairings as Best Friends as it is not the scope of this post. Although the latter two also qualifies for shipping category. Why?

Because, the common thing among them is that all the three Uchihas awakened/reawakened their Sharingan for their best friend. But Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke are the only pairings to awaken or evolve Sharingan when trying to break their bonds with each other.

Special Brownie points for Madara. He had 4 brothers and lost 3 but still couldn’t awaken his Sharingan but when trying to break up with Hashirama, his eyes were brimming red.

Sasuke’s Sharingan matures in the first Valley of The End.

That’s why I excluded Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke from this Best Friends list.

Because to the both Uchihas, the other person meant something special which cannot be comprehended into a mere term called ‘Best Friends’.

Which is exactly why Kakashi/Obito would perfectly fall into this category.

The way they quarrel, fight with each other, protect each other are perfect scores for a friendship. What makes them best friends is when Obito decided to give his Sharingan despite Kakashi was always putting a cold air around him and most importantly asked him to protect his love ‘Rin’. Also Kakashi carried his friend’s will to his heart and passed on to Team 7.

It all falls under ‘In the memory of my Best Friend’ trope.

Obito may be a trash but he is a good friend. Because after Rin was killed, he massacred everyone around him except for Kakashi. He could have killed him. Understandable. Or he could have plucked his Sharingan back (because he literally plucked most of the Sharingans from the Uchiha clan massacre and kept those eyes as a reserve). This could have enabled him to use Susanoo. I believe Susanoo can only be used with Mangekyo Sharingan in both eyes. But for some reason, he didn’t.

So what makes me think Naruto and Sasuke love each other, not as a brother and not as a friend but something beyond which I can’t term?

My way of shipping is not about marriage, sex and rearing babies. Because literally everyone does this as an obligation.

So, I don’t ship them in terms of living together in my headcanon and having sex daily. Nope. But it is not wrong though if you ship in that sense.

In this Narutoverse, Women are just some stow away pieces whose sole existence is to fawn over their dreamboy and cry for them. (Usually literally nothing useful comes out of them). Me being a girl, as much as I hate this setup but I have come to terms with whatever it is and have accepted it. If you are a girl looking for a strong female character...... this is not the place. Watch something else.

But I draw inspiration from male characters who are characterized deeply for which I have to applaud the creator. Reason being, the very first character which I connected with was Itachi. It was when Sasuke thinks about his past with his family in the flashback before the first VotE battle in part I. I will be writing a separate post about Itachi in this week.

In short, If you are a person who wants inspiration, draw it from male characters. Not in a single moment, you stoop so low for characters like Hinata and Sakura. That’s not how I envision myself or any woman. Dot.

With all this being said, I ship them as a couple who necessarily don’t have to get married or have sex... But they each other has some special allowance towards each other in their hearts which no one can touch, not even their wives or children.

This doesn’t mean I accept what came after episode 478 as they are literally something they made for $$$$$.

There are some basic traits which are absolutely necessary for a ship to sail successfully. They are Acknowledgement, Reason, No Hierarchy, Influence, Owning each others rights and Privilege. (All these reasons should come from both the sides for the ship to be worthy)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Acknowledgement, I mean here, is to accept and acknowledge what they are to each other.

They both agree that they are Bonded/Friends verbally as well as emotionally.

To me, this is essential in any relationship especially for the ones you are trying to ship. I didn’t see this in any other ships like SS or NH where it is always one sided. Sakura confessed before the village entrance to which Sasuke said “You really are annoying!!”. Hinata proposed in Pain arc. Naruto didn’t even acknowledge her confession. He went on to beg for pardon for Sasuke. Again she proposed in the War at the expense of Love Cupid “Neji”. Naruto went on to joke with Minato that Sakura is his Girl Friend.

If I were in both of these girls place, I would literally be mad and drop this shit right away.

Wheras in SNS, I saw both the people I am trying to ship were asking “What am I to you?”, to which they reply “You are my friend”. To me this is very important.

Reason

To those who are saying “Love is blind”, “Love is Madness”, “Love needs no reason”, you all need self-evaluation. This is not some K Drama situation where you don’t need any reason. You should know why you love someone and why you need the other’s presence.

Naruto’s reason is very simple.

I could provide many reasons. But here, Sasuke, without any reservations... knowing full well of the consequence if he feed Naruto but still extended the helping hand to someone who was always hostile. It is just like what Iruka did. And many incidents which happened during Land of the Waves arc are evident.

He wanted to be friends with this lonely Uchiha boy way back when he was around 7 or 8 for a simple reason that he understands his pain more than anyone. But he really became friends when they were grouped together for Team 7.

Sasuke’s reason goes even way beyond when Naruto series started.

“Because he felt relief”.

Imagine a young boy who witnessed a massacre before his eyes and lost everyone he loved. But somehow another young boy of his age made him feel relieved. This explains why Sasuke went all out of his way to make friendship with Naruto despite being aloof.

Isn’t this what we want from someone we love?

Rather than being completely insensitive about an orphan life or just stalking from the distance and never offered any support, I would prefer someone who understands my pain from their heart and try to reach me. Sasuke reached out to him by offering the lunch and Naruto reached out to him by making him his rival and bug him.

NO HIERARCHY

This is pretty self-explanatory. Unlike blood brothers, there should be no hierarchy in a relationship I want to ship.

We saw Naruto yells at Sasuke many times absolutely for no reason, despite Sasuke bearing this cold attitude. Probably he is the only person who can call him by such variety of names.

Sasuke always calls him by his trademark ‘Usuratonkachi’. Sometimes he calls him fool just like everyone. But was never insulting or mean towards Naruto. Except for that time in the final battle, he made fun of his Shadow Clone jutsu citing his loneliness.

In short, be it a physical fight or verbal offense.... neither of them wilts like a flower. They equally give back.

The only other person who can verbally assault Sasuke is Karin and probably the only girl who never addresses him as “Sasuke-Kun”.

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI..... Why do Sasuke spend such an effort to call someone with a 6 syllabic word, instead NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is way more convenient to call?? I always wonder.

POSITIVE INFLUENCE

I don’t have to spell out anything here. There are many obvious examples but will try to keep it short.

Naruto became strong because of Sasuke. He trained hard for 3 years with Jiraiya , a month with Kakashi developing Rasen Shuriken and controlled Kurama’s power with Killer Bee. Except for Sage Mode jutsu everything he learnt was all for bringing Sasuke back.

In short, Sasuke is Naruto’s predominant strength.

Though Naruto was not the source of strength for Sasuke, but he brings out many vibrant emotions in Sasuke which he really needed for his traumatic mind otherwise he would always be that cold angry brooding doll without any emotions and I am sure Sasuke enjoys to banter with Naruto.

LOL!!! I don’t know why Sasuke feels competitve here. It’s pretty childish even for Sasuke.

Friendly tease :-) I think he also protected Sakura in this scene. He can also ask her the same, isn’t it? I mean as a friend.

The best one is yet to come

It’s incredibly hilarious to see how Sasuke pouts when he was with Naruto. Sakura!!!! You third wheeling joker :-D :-D

Throughout Shippuden, Sasuke never shows his emotions with anyone. He either looks very cold or angry.

Reminiscing his Team 7 days, for a split second.

Probably the only positive emotion is this, in all of the Shippuden. I mean not counting Episode 478.

I don’t think Sakura brought any kind emotions in Sasuke except annoyance when they were together in Team 7. Or Hinata too. These girls just moan “Sasuke-Kun”, “Naruto-Kun” but brings nothing to the table. Total wastrels!!!!!

OWNING EACH OTHER’S RIGHTS

This section is exactly where SNS moves on to a whole different level.

Sasuke wanted to inflict his pain over everyone who lives in peaceful Konoha for what it did to Itachi. (though I don’t really accept with Sasuke here since he never even bothered to question about his clan’s history, but what he was doing is understandable. Just like Naruto tells him).

But the context here is Sasuke is on a murder rampage. Starting from the Kage Summit, killing Danzo, unnecessarily hurting Karin and almost reached a point where he could not be stopped anymore. Then Ms.Annoying appears. She literally have no fucking clue what Sasuke is going through. So started to spout nonsense that she wanted to go with Sasuke-Kun with an ulterior motive to kill him without a strong resolve.

The interesting SS dynamics here is Sasuke asks Sakura “Do you know what I want?” and to which she gives a carefree-shitty-pathetic answer “I don’t care. I will do whatever you want”. Geez!!!

If I were Sasuke, I would think, “This person standing before me don’t even care about what I want but coming with an intent to kill me and not only that... she is a kunoichi from Konoha where I planned to inflict my pain by slaughtering them.. I better ram my Chidori and be done with it”... He doesn’t see her as his former Teammate. He just want to kill that person.

However, Kakashi deflects the attack and saves Ms.Useless.

( Me : I am a Sasuke fan through and through. But, Sakura..... You always says you will do this, do that.... But you never succeed at anything... Why is that? Why are you even continue being a ninja? No one asked you to kill Sasuke, you decided to. But why don’t you kill him. Probably you would’ve earned my begrudging respect... Pffft” ****sighs with a heavy second hand embarassment)

Anyways, Sasuke becomes an unstoppable maniac at this point because he was very irritated on seeing Kakashi and Sakura spouting some unreachable nonsense. So he started to attack Kakashi as he is even more irritated on seeing his Sharingan.

Again, Ms.Idiot wants to kill Sasuke when he is at his weakest point due to chakra exhaustion and that too from behind his back. (You!!! Gutless wrench). Sasuke sensed this and attempted to kill her again... (Naruto!!! You idiot. Why did you save her...)

However, Naruto appears and saves her. Naruto and Sasuke’s eyes meet each other.

But somehow Sasuke calmed down and hears out Naruto for what he has to say. He says, “Whatever you are doing until now, it’s understandable”.

Kakashi wanted to kill him and Sasuke got riled up and prepare his Chidori. Anyways, Naruto intervenes and they go to some meta physical plane and talks privately. And Naruto comes up with his idea and announces as below:

Me: Naruto!!!! Sweety..... Do you realize that you have a big dream of becoming a Hokage which you have been shouting from Day 1? But still you want to overthrow everything for that one person who is in unbearable pain. It’s alright. But you don’t want to go alone or send him alone. No Best friend would go this far. And to those Sakura shippers.... Why didn’t Sakura try to bear the burden? Why didn’t she come up with this Idea? Afterall, you spout nonsense like ‘Sakura saved Sasuke from Darkness, isn’t it?’ And, Naruto.... Who gave you the right to take his hatred and shoulder the burden? And what makes you think you are that only person to do it??? Sasuke, might have other special person in those 3 years. How can you decide on Sasuke’s behalf??? Aren’t you going overboard ?

The answer to all the above is simple, Naruto can risk anything for Sasuke. And he clearly knew that Sasuke’s only living bond is him.

And what happened next was almost unbelievable and for the first time I thought ‘What is it with these two guys?’.

Sasuke agrees with Naruto’s proposition to not destroy Konoha before fighting with Naruto.

Me: Sasuke!!!! You have every right to reject his proposition. Since, he was not in your life for the past 3 years, your side of bond with Naruto should have been cut-off long back, right? Sasuke??? Well, at this point he was just your former Team 7 member. You don’t need to honor your proposition. You can attack Konoha anytime. Why did you accept?

Also Me: Sweety!!! Why do you always question Naruto ‘Who am I to you’? Why do you need his opinion always? There is an annoying princess standing behind Naruto vying for your attention. And yet you didn’t even ask her this question at any time. But before Naruto, you completely calmed down from your rampage and willing to wait for what he has to say plus asking for his validation. After all you don’t care about anything, why just Naruto???

And the reason being, Naruto is still his closest bond which he couldn’t cut off despite trying very hard. After all, Many years ago, Sasuke was the one, who readily jumped in to protect Naruto knowing full well that it’s a trap. He was ready to throw away his revenge for this boy back then. Sasuke is afraid that he will give in to this bond once more and Naruto is his weakness which he wants to eliminate so badly.

This is definitely not any Best Friend would do..... Fix that in your mind.

The purpose of these GIFs is not show how protective Sasuke is..... Well, I can talk about it all day. Let’s save it.

Me: Yo!!!! Sasuke..... You wanted to kill Naruto.... You said so yourself under the bridge. Meaning, He is the only person standing between your goal and your resolve and Naruto is always known to weaken your resolve. And yet why are you protecting him here? There is absolutely no need. Because, if there is a situation like Kaguya where both of you are must needed to save this world , then there is a reason to save him. But why now? Plus do you know, if Naruto dies, then Madara’s plan may not succeed because if a Jinchuriki dies, tailed beast also dies. It is perfect for your Revolution, isn’t it? Who gave you the right to own his life? Obito has his reason to kill Naruto, why not let him?Why is it that you want to personally remove him from your life? If he is dead by an external factor, you can carry on your path without any interference and pain. Why go so far to protect him ?

The answer is Sasuke values Naruto’s life more than his own even during his Team 7 days. He has this high esteem for Naruto and almost consider it to be a shame if some worthless fool takes his life. And Sasuke never hated Naruto. He once hated Itachi and his resolve to kill was real and intense. But when Orochimaru asked him to kill 1000 people for practice, Sasuke never killed anyone. He even implemented no kill policy for his team “Hebi”. So, someone like Sasuke who never liked to kill random innocent people, how could he let some trash take away a life, he considers dearly to the same level of Itachi? That’s why in this situation, his body moved on his own to protect something special for him. He may not agree it, but he always shows it.

But some other ship wankers try to say Sasuke may have said “You are annoying” but inside he deeply loved her which is why he was smiling. If so, Why didn’t Sasuke never showed his care not even once? He not only tried to kill her twice when she was defenseless but also let her die twice or didn’t bother at all during the war. Or show me where these soul level connection happened between SS or NH

In short, Sasuke and Naruto own each other’s rights unconsciously. Because they are the only ones who can understand each other’s soul which nobody can reach.

Me: Oh, by the way Sasuke, I think Susanoo should be used like this. You really don’t need your hand to protect Naruto. Susanoo can do it’s work for you. Minato would be proud though!!!!

PRIVILEGE

Most of the points I written above are in and of itself is a privilege they give for each other and not for anyone else. Privilege is essential in a ship. Because it shows how different a loved one is from normal people.

For Naruto,

I originally want to put how he begs for forgiveness on Sasuke’s behalf before Raikage and weeps immeasurably before hyperventilating. But this one trumps the other. Naruto literally broadcasted everyone how important Sasuke is to him and how he regretted not offering his friendship at that time and how he couldn’t stop Sasuke from reaching Orochimaru.

If you want to inspire Alliance shinobi forces, you should have shown how you worked so hard from the bottom to top. Projecting Sasuke as your regret and inspiring people shows how deeply you prioritize this person which affects you after so many years and hence, you don’t want any more regrets.

It’s very unconventionally romantic which passes the shipping category in flying colours.

For Sasuke,

The following is the Land of the waves arc which was novelized in the name of Innocent Heart, Demonic Blood released in 2006. 99.9% of the material is exactly as it happens in Manga/Anime.

This is the privilege Sasuke provides for Naruto. “ But coming from Sasuke, It almost counted as a hug”...

BROWNIE POINTS:

Now, the following are the scenes which add a mysterious flavour to this ship. I sincerely don’t understand why Kishimoto put this. I mean I am absolutely happy with it, but why? What was he thinking while drawing these scenes?

It’s also strange that, whenever they clash a Chidori with Rasengan..... They always gets repelled to their own sides and fall with a loud thump. But Naruto’s posture looks very perfect, I mean it looks like someone carried him and laid him down. Anyways, What’s Sasuke doing on Naruto’s side?? He should have fell on the opposite side. Why didn’t he walk away? There is absolutely no reason for Sasuke to come over to Naruto’s side and have an intense meaningful gaze.

This is another mysterious plus intense scene. I am still wondering, Is this really Sasuke? He is a person who avoids casual touches with anyone other than his brother. I’ve seen so many times Sasuke rejecting hugs from Sakura. I can’t even imagine what Kishimoto was thinking.

If you people pass these scenes off as Brotherhood or Best Friend chemistry... Then you lack basic human emotions. That’s all.

Me: Well, Sasuke, If you really want to kill him, you should have shovelled your sword right through Naruto’s vital point when you made that exuberant landing. There is literally no need for you to draw a long sword in close quarters. And what about the Personal Space??? With your speed, you can land without leaning on Naruto’s shoulders...

Also Me: Yo, Naruto... You were panicking when Sai does the same....but you don’t even flinch when Sasuke invades your personal space????

Anyways, it’s funny that both the intense scenes I have mentioned here were initiated by Sasuke. Quite strange and thrilling.

So, to conclude.... All these scenes I have mentioned made me unconsciously ship them as a pair. With all these being said, I believe all the ingredients for a good romance were laid perfectly. A moment of impulsive tension or affection, say a hug, between them after a difficult battle could mess with both and make a romance happen. And I don’t think either of them will deny especially Sasuke.

I don’t see any of this aspect in other popular ships such as SS and NH. If I am Sakura or Hinata in this universe, I will not be okay with my pair doing all these things with other person. I intentionally left scenes from Episode 478 as it is so intense and require a separate post. I am happy that even without Episode 478, SNS ship sails high. So, I believe both Sakura and Hinata are still fourth wheeling their respective pairs in Boruto universe also, I guess.

P.S: I don’t watch Boruto

Final memento:

No way a friend will look this mesmerized on seeing the other one.

#narusasu #sasunaru #sns #naruto #sasuke #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #itachi #kakashi #obito #anti sakura #anti hinata #anti sasusaku #anti naruhina

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tryingmybestpls · 4 years ago

Text

As The World Caves In

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark!Fem!Reader

Summary: Steve deals with the loss of his wife after the Snap.

Rating: R?

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Grief, depression, feelings of loneliness, death, graphic depiction of a death

A/N: hi yes I wanted to get this out before TFATWS got out. I have never liked the ending Steve got in Endgame, so I wanted to write a new one for him!

Steve would like to say that he lost his wife like everyone else did that day.

He would love to say that she turned into ash like the rest of his teammates. He would love to say that they had some tear-filled goodbye before she turned into nothing. He would love to have that hope that might be able to come back.

But he can't.

Because she actually died that day in Wakanda. Right before his eyes.

It had happened after Thanos had tossed Steve aside. Y/N had charged at the Titan, angry at the purple being for hurting her husband. He caught her in mid-air, his golden gauntlet shimmering in the sunlight as it wrapped tightly around her throat. Steve had scrambled to stand up, his eyes on her.

Y/N coughed and sputtered, her face turning colors as she kicked, her fingers trying to pry the large gold covered fingers off of her throat. And while it felt like hours for Steve, it had only been seconds. Seconds. Seconds he had held her in their air, seconds she had suffered as the Titan cut off her oxygen. Thanos had smirked before tightening his grip, a sickening crack filling the air. Steve couldn't breathe as her body was tossed towards him. It seemed to move in slow motion, bouncing when it hit the ground.

When her body finally came to a stop in front of him, her head lolling to the side as the cloud of dust settled. Steve still had hope somehow. He prayed to the Lord above as he looked at her, hoping that she was somehow still alive. Blood vessels had burst in her eyes and blood trickled out of her mouth. There was a darkening bruise on her throat, her neck was bent at an unnatural angle. Steve had been unable to move, unable to breathe. Within an instant, she was gone. His wife, the love of his life, ripped away from him in mere seconds.

And then his friends and teammates turned into ash all around him.

The worst moment of his life was when he watched his wife die right in front of him. The second worst is having to tell her brother that she was dead.

After Tony had come down the ramp of the ship, Steve had ran over to help him down that last view steps and over to Pepper. Stark told Steve that Peter was gone and in that moment of silence that followed, Tony's eyes scanned the small group of survivors for his adopted sister. Tears sprung up in the man's eyes as he looked back at Steve. The Captain's throat constricts with emotion, tears brimming in his eyes as he just nods, unable to get the words out. Pepper ran up in that moment, wrapping her arms around Tony just as tears rolled down his face.

Y/N is the only one they actually bury. Her funeral is a quiet affair, with only the remaining members of their team and Pepper in attendance. The couple had never talked about what might happen or what they would want if either of them died. Tony tells him that she would want to be buried next to their parents, so she is. He makes sure his baby sister has the best coffin money can buy, the best headstone-everything. Her funeral is the last time Steve and Tony talk to each other.

Steve gets an apartment she would have loved. It's right around the corner from the restaurant where they had their first date and a few streets away from the cemetery. There was those big windows that Y/N had always expressed fondness over. The apartment also had built in shelves that lined one wall of the living room area, which had been another selling point for him. One day Steve hoped that he would be able to fill them with her many books and tchotchkes, but now they stood empty, the shelves gathering dust. Her collection of novelty mugs weren't in the cabinets, no they were still wrapped up in newspapers within one of the many boxes. He had planned on unpacking all of the things that had once filled their shared room at the compound, but the boxes stay in the second bedroom, all piled up in the middle of the room. He couldn't find it in himself to go through all of her old things, didn't want to be bombarded with emotions and memories.

That first year is the hardest. Learning to live without her tears him to shreds. Steve hardly sleeps, hardly eats. He spends a lot of his time alone, dwelling over what he could've done differently. Natasha tries to reach out to him, but Steve distances himself. He tells himself that he needs to do this alone, needs to try to get through it by himself. Y/N always feels like she's just out of his grasp and he prays and begs to have her back with him. His prayers go unanswered.

Natasha appears outside his door on the one year anniversary of Thanos's snap and Y/N's death, holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and Asgardian mead in the other. They sit together in the kitchen and drink as vigils and memorials take place around the world. For the first time, Steve talks about how much he misses his wife. The two heroes talk all night about each person they missed, both of them wondering aloud how were they supposed to live without them.

By the end of the second year, Steve is getting used to living without her. He hates it. He hates how much that ache in his chest has lessened. He hates that he can see a picture of her without a lump forming in his throat. Steve is able to talk about her more and starts a grief support group. Sure he sometimes wakes up and hopes she's there, but that's getting less and less frequent. Steve's afraid that his memories of her are going to slip away from him, terrified of forgetting her.

So he starts to draw her. He's desperate to hold onto every memory of her, so he fills up page after page, sketchbook after sketchbook of nothing but Y/N. The drawings aren't perfect, but he is able to cement those memories in his mind. Steve wants to make sure that he can remember her face without having to study a picture. So when he remembers something about her, he puts it onto a piece of paper. Y/N on their wedding day. Y/N when they were on the run and she fell asleep in the Quinn Jet. Y/N brushing her teeth early in the morning, her silhouette lit up by the almost golden bathroom light. Y/N the first day they met.

Natasha sees them once when she stops by to see him. One of the sketchbooks is left open on the table and she sneaks a peek when Steve goes to the other room to get a sweater. There on the page in incredible detail is a sketch of her best friend with tears in her eyes, her mouth open in shock. She doesn't know that this is the face she made when she learned that Bucky had killed her parents and Steve knew. Natasha looks away, her cheeks burning. She feels like she saw something too personal, too raw, and she shuts the journal before Steve returns.

When the third, fourth, and then fifth year rolls around- well Y/N has been gone longer than they were together as a couple. Steve has gotten used to her being gone. He's able to walk past the room holding all of the boxes without stalling. It gets easier to talk about her, easier to share stories about her to his group. He still misses her, it's just easier for him to live now. His wedding band never leaves his ring finger, needing to have a part of her with him always. Steve still loves her and he doesn't think he can ever love someone as much as he loves his wife.

And then Scott Lang reappears.

Steve wants to reverse what Thanos did, wants to bring back his friends even if that means he cannot bring back his wife. That ache in is chest returns as they put together their heist plan. Steve feels like there's a ghost following him around while he's back at the compound. His shoulders feel heavy again and he tries to put on a brave face as the people around him get hopeful. He tries to be happy, knowing that he will be getting his friends back and fixing what had happened, but he can't help but be upset.

Steve gets to see her when they go back.

It's after he knocks out the younger version of himself. Steve is standing over himself, breathing hard, and holding Loki's scepter tightly in his hands.

"That is America's Ass." He comments, looking behind him before back down to the unconscious man. He needs to meet back up with the others so that they can-

"It definitely is." A familiar voice calls out from in front of him. Steve stills, his breath catching in his throat before he slowly lifts his head. There she is, standing before him with a smirk on her face. Y/N is dressed in her navy blue suit, her hair messy from the battle she just went through. Her face is dirty, her lip split and there is a long cut across her cheekbone. His mouth goes dry and he's suddenly tongue tied, like he was when they first met.

Steve remembers how nervous and awkward he was when they were first introduced to each other. Y/N gave him a million dollar smile and just like that, he knew he was a goner. Steve had stumbled over saying his name, which had then made her laugh-God, that laugh. That laugh had made him warm all over, made butterflies swarm around in his stomach. And in the past five years, those butterflies had been dormant and now, now they're wide awake.

"You're not my Steve." Y/N announces as she walks towards him, studying him. Steve's heart is beating fast and he wants to reach out and hold her close, wanting to tell her how much he loves her. My Steve. God, he misses her. He misses everything about her.

"How can you tell?" He asks, a tiny smile appearing on his face. Y/N chuckles, taking seeing two Steve's surprisingly well. But then again, she had just got done fighting aliens and a literal god so he supposes that things have been weirder.

"My Steve won't even look me in the eye. He blushes when I look at him. When I look at you...you just look so sad. That's how I know you're not Loki." She answers, stopping in front of him. Steve studies her face, taking in every little detail because he knows that this is the last time he'll see her.

"I-I'm that easy to read, huh?" Steve retorts and she laughs again, nodding. God, he misses that sound. He misses her so fucking much that it makes his chest ache. Y/N's smile falters as she looks at him, watching as his smile drops.

"I'm not going to pretend what is exactly going on here, okay? Obviously you are going through something and it's pretty clear you are on a some type of mission." She tells him, motioning to the scepter in his hands. Steve looks down to his hand before looking at her. He knows that she should be calling for back up because by the way people keep speaking through her comm Y/N must know that things are going south.

"I'll bring it back, I promise." Steve replies and the smile returns to her face. Y/N glances down to the unconscious man on the floor before looking at him.

"I know you will. I never saw you, new Steve. And don't worry, I'll make sure you don't choke on your tongue." She teases, gesturing to the passed out version of himself. Steve's smile returns to his face as she continues, "But I do expect some sort of explanation when you come back."

"Of course. I'll be back before you even know I was gone." Steve says, wanting to say so many other things that he knows that he just can't tell her. He opens his mouth again when her comm once again crackles to life. Y/N's eyes widen and she gestures for him to leave. Steve's mouth snaps shut and he nods, quickly walking away.

Tony would later tell Steve when they're in 1970 that he started crying when he saw his little sister.

When his teammates return on the battlefield, she isn't among them. He knows she won't be coming through a portal, but some part of him still holds out hope for some reason. Yet, there is no sadness inside of him on that battlefield. No, rage has pushed all of that sadness aside, filling him up completely.

When he fought against Thanos and his army, he did so with every ounce of strength in his body. Steve wanted to avenge the death of Y/N, wanted to kill Thanos for what he did to her. Steve has never felt so angry in his entire life. He wanted to be the one who ended the Titan's life. He ignored the large gash in his arm and tore through aliens.

And in the end, it's Tony who takes out Thanos. He is the one who avenges his baby sister's death, but the price he pays his high. And Steve has to watch another Stark die.

He feels so guilty that he is alive and both of the Stark siblings are gone, both of them buried side by side, right next to their parents.

There is just so much death in his life, so much damn loss. And he's tired. Steve is exhausted. He hoped that bringing back his friends and the half of the universe that had disappeared because of the Snap would make him feel better, but it hadn't. No, instead that hurt has returned with full force. His chest feels like its about to cave in on itself, like his ribs piercing his lungs and heart-God, everything seems unbearable. All he wants is for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

And then, he is reminded that he has to return the stones.

And while every single part of the journey is noteworthy, he saves returning the scepter for last.

Y/N is sitting beside the unconscious version of himself when he returns. She turns his head to look at him, a smile on her face. For a moment, he considers staying here with her, reliving every single moment of their life and their relationship as it happens.

But he knows that he can't.

It wouldn't be right for him to stay here with her, knowing everything that he knows. Steve has had his time with her, time that he will treasure for the rest of is life. He knows that if he returns back to his timeline, there will be a lot of hurting that he will have to go through. Steve knows that it would be so much easier to stay here with Y/N, but he won't let himself do it.

So Steve explains to Y/N why he needed the scepter, leaving out her death and the death of her brother. After he finishes, she stays quiet for a moment, processing all of this new information. He just waits and sits there.

"Don't tell me what happens, please. I want the cards to fall where they may. I-I want to be surprised." Y/N tells him suddenly, glancing at the unconscious man before looking at Steve. The Captain understands exactly what she means. She must know somehow that she ends up with him, something on his face his showing his hand. Y/N had always told him that he had a shitty poker face. A smile stretches across his face, nodding. His wedding ring-hidden under his gloves-feels so much heavier, like its weighing his arm down.

A pit of dread opens up in Steve's stomach as his time draws to an end. He thanks and apologizes to Y/N as he hands over the scepter. She just smiles, telling him not to worry about it as she puts it back into its case. He must look as upset as he feels because before he leaves, Y/N wraps her arms around him. It surprises Steve, but he quickly wraps his arms back around her. Steve holds her tightly, letting his eyes shut. He knows that this will be the last time he'll ever hold her and he just savors it, wishing that it could last forever. Wishing that he could stay here forever.

But everything has to come to an end.

When he says goodbye, he knows that Y/N doesn't understand that this is him saying goodbye to her for the last time. Steve finally gets to tell her goodbye and even though he isn't able to tell Y/N how much he loves her, it's okay. It's okay because he will be able to tell her how much he loves her one day, even if that day isn't today. They'll be reunited again. He just needs to wait.

She tells him goodbye and he takes one final look at her before he returns back to his timeline, back into a world where she's gone.

That night, he returns to his empty apartment, the silence almost deafening. That hole in his chest has reopened and he is in so much pain that everything just feels numb.

He goes through the motions of getting ready for bed, washing the day's events off of him hoping that this would also wash away the numbness, trying to pretend like nothing of importance had happened hours earlier. When he crawls into the same bed he has been sleeping in for the past five years-a bed she has never touched-he realizes how empty it is without her. He can't feel her here like he can at the Compund-No, here she doesn't follow behind him. No, this is a place she has never been so she can't be here. The apartment is suddenly too big for him-everything is too big for him. It's too big and too empty and too fucking quiet-

It's like the string that was holding him together the past five years has finally snapped and he just starts crying. The Captain's body shakes with sobs as he lays in that empty room. Steve had thought he had processed her death and grieved already, but he hadn't. Until this very moment, it had never fully set in that Y/N was dead. It was never fully real that she was gone. He knew that she was, but some part of him was still holding out hope that somehow she was going to come back. If Bucky could come back, surely she could have as well. But Y/N isn't Bucky and so she never came back.

It took until today for him to fully realize that she was gone. Y/N was gone and there was nothing he can do about it. There was no stones to gather, no traveling through dimensions for him to do. Steve had to live the rest of his life without the love of his life, in a time where he'll never belong in. That small flicker of hope that had been silently living inside of him had been snuffed out, leaving an empty dark space inside of him, leaving him cold and empty.

The only hope that remained is that they would be reunited one day in death, but until then Steve would be forced to carry around his pain where ever he went.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader

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windowsandfeelings · 3 years ago

Note

Dair for the ship asks?

1. What made you ship it?

I remember seeing the hallway scene in early season 1 and thinking "oh!" but I assumed they would never go there, and I liked Dan/Serena and even Chuck & Blair (in early days!! that did not last!!!). I quit watching in season 3 with, like, an "if Dan and Blair ever happens" caveat and then...and thennnnnn

So yeah, I jumped back in mid-season 4 with no clue what was happening and got COMPLETELY sucked in to the point where I wouldn't talk about anything else, and then I felt like I was being held hostage by this show all the way through the finale. (This was not helped by the fact that I was living in NY at the time, and they literally camped the trailers for the first episode of the Dair arc outside my office building, and they were always around the neighborhood, so I felt extra immersed.)

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love the way they love each other. It's so based in joy and wanting the best for each other. They smile together, and laugh! They sometimes undermine their own interests in favor of the other's (ok, mostly Dan does this). They like each other. A lot!

They are such dorks, the both of them, exemplified by the salon episode. Like—if they did not look like that they would be such social outcasts, you cannot convince me otherwise. "Oh, we have a couple crush and we're going to imitate them completely and then invite them to our imitation of their relationship." GUYS. come on. Dorks.

They have literally all of the Seth/Summer parallels. Parallels within and between Josh Schwartz shows MEAN SOMETHING. Always!!

You cannot go wrong with enemies to reluctant friends to best friends to lovers. You just can't.

Their worst onscreen moments feel like writerly machinations and their best onscreen moments feel earned and true.

C.H.E.M.I.S.T.R.Y.

I could probably go on forever about, like, individual moments that have kept me up in the middle of the night because they're so good, but I will restrain myself.

ASS-BACKWARDS CRUSHING ON BLAIR WALDORF

(Anyway, nothing in the epilogue happened and Dan is not Gossip Girl and they're married now and live in Paris and Blair even wears pants sometimes and they're so very happy.)

eta. Ok got it (from the folder on my phone that is literally just Dair gifs)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Hahaha, probably that I don't actually like either of them? Like don't get me wrong, I looooooove Dan and Blair together, and writing Dan and Blair together (obvi), and reading Dan and Blair together, and I greatly enjoy watching them be horrible together and apart 95% of the time, but I don't think I actually like either character. (And if I do like one of them it's Blair.)

But that's just Gossip Girl. Everybody sucks (except Dorota and usually Nate, but also sometimes Nate). That's the point. (This is also why I was fully onboard with the teachers being Gossip Girl now. Is it awful? Yes. But it's Gossip Girl! It's supposed to be!)

#gossip girl #dair

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hrtthrbromanov · 4 years ago

Text

Golden Boy

summary - Its been a long, long time.

word count - 3033

Warnings - smut, fluff, maybe angst if you squint?

Notes - Hi! I cannot write smut, so I’m deeply sorry about that. I just wanted to try my hand at it. However, if you do have any requests for future works please let me know ! I’d be more than happy to write it.

________________________________________________________________

Two years.

It's been two years since the incident in Lagos. Two years since the team split. Two years since you've seen him.

You run your palms nervously up and down your thighs, the friction doing little to subside your nerves. Your mind was spinning, thinking of everything that could happen. Everything that could go wrong. You were pissed, sure, but just the thought of seeing him again made you cram whatever petty thing you wanted to say to him in the far corner of your mind.

‘What if he doesn't want to see me too? What if we can't put this past us? What if-’

“We're here.”

Your debilitating thoughts stop at once. You stand, forcing yourself over to the window. Everything was so beautiful. So advanced. You can't wrap your head around it all. You thought pointing out everything you saw was a good way to ground yourself and quell the anxiety, but once you felt the jet lowering to the ground, your nervous habits got to you again, and you have to will yourself to not wring your hands raw.

“It's going to be okay, Lady Y/N.” A firm hand was placed on your shoulder as Thor offered you a few words of encouragement. You smile up at him, tight lipped and nostrils flared, still not convinced.

“Yeah, what's the worst that could happen? They call you a traitor, turning their backs on you and never speak to you again?”

You turned to face the talking raccoon, scrunching up your face in confusion. “I really should've skinned you a long time ago.” You retorted, tugging at his ears as he pawed at you in protest. “Cut it out, you're gonna give me tetanus, you rat.” You giggle, briefly forgetting about your impending thoughts.

“I am groot.”

“Yeah, what he said. Suck it, Y/N.” Rocket hisses, pulling away from your assault. You went to reply, but before you could you felt the ground shudder below you. ‘We've landed.’ You realize. You quickly smooth down your suit, going over yourself one last time. ‘Whatever happens, happens.’ you reason with yourself. You felt a gush of wind rush past you as the doors of the ship opened, revealing tall, eccentric buildings, complemented with a deep blue sky.

You hold your breath as you step out of the ship, unsure of what to expect. You let out your breath when the palace came into view. Your heart thudded in your chest when you made out a huddle of people right in front, no doubt waiting for you. Taking it a step at a time, you made your way over. As you neared the group you could make out Rhodey, Bruce, Natasha, Bucky, and Steve.

“Two fossils in one place? I didn't know this was a paleontologist convention.”

As if on cue, they all turned to face you and you could've sworn the world stopped for just a second. You didn't know what to do so you just stood there, offering a meek smile.

“Who you calling fossil, dollface?”

Bucky was the first to approach you, his arms open and a grin you missed so much on his face. You threw your arms around his neck as he encased you with his, squeezing nearly all you had left in you out. The hug ended all too soon as another pair of hands was pulling you two apart.

“Share some with the rest of us, hog.”

It was Nat. Your smile only grew upon seeing her. She pulled you into her, her hand going to cradle your head. “It's been too long,” she mumbled into your ear. You nodded against her, pulling back slightly to take in her face.

“Hey, Y/N.”

A small but unmistakable voice called from behind you. You pull away from Natasha's embrace to greet Bruce. He looked as nervous as you felt. “Now here's a face I haven't seen in a while. How you doing, big man?” You attempted to ease him as you took him in your arms.

“I've had better days,” he said, the reply muffled by your shoulder. He patted your back as a friendly gesture after you escape from his hold. His expression became softer, as if he were more sure of himself now.

“I hope you weren't thinking you could skip me.”

You turned to Rhodey to see his smug grin. You grabbed his hand in yours as he clasped a hand on your back. “Now why would I have such a thought,” you chuckle as he stepped back.

This left one person. The one person you haven't heard speak since you set foot in Wakanda. You knew he wanted to say something, to scoop you into his arms and say sorry, how he wished it'd never had happened, how he shouldn't have let you go. You could feel his eyes burning a hole into your head. Mustering all the courage you had, you turn to face him. But before you could say anything, a booming voice sounded from behind you.

“Bruce and friends! Come look at my ship!”

You could hear Rocket bickering with Thor about how it was his ship, not Thor's, and how he was just some homeless pirate who needed to take a hike. You roll your eyes as everyone made their way over to take a closer look. Everyone but Steve. You two stood there, neither one of you making a move to speak. The silence wasn't normal for you two, uncomfortable even, so you said the first thing that came to your mind when looking at his face.

“So, did you just not have razors, or were you going for a new look?”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief, followed by a chuckle soon after. He stood up taller before he spoke, “You know, I thought I'd look cool, but now, I just feel.. old.” It was nice falling back into your silly exchanges, especially after such a time apart. The ache in your heart slowly dissipated as you looked into his eyes. You grin, tilting your head to the side, “Well, it's about time. You're only 70 years too late.”

Steve threw his head back as laughter erupted from his throat. As his laughter came to a stop, he was the one to pull you into a hug. You melt into his arms, taking in his scent as you bury your nose into his chest. You missed this. You missed him.

You held each other in silence for what seemed to be an eternity until he said it first.

“I missed you.”

“Getting all sentimental on me now, old man?”

“Y/N..” he chuckled at your attempt to minimize your feelings, though, by his eyes, you could tell it was no joke to him.

“I know, I know. I.. I missed you too, Steve. Man, I have thought about this moment for a long, long while. I-I don’t even remember everything that I wanted to say.” You were stumbling over your words, emotions getting too thick, it’s evident in your voice.

“Hey,” Steve ran his hands up and down your arms to soothe you, “we don’t have to talk about this. Not right now, at least. Let’s just catch up. Enjoy being back.” He smiles, and this time you could see the genuine happiness and relief in his eyes. He was gorgeous without even trying, and you’d punch him later for it.

“I’d like that. Thank you, Steve.” Your breathing finally evened and your words flowed once again. He never pushed you, and for that, you were grateful.

“But I do have to ask..”

“Steeeeve..”

“I know, I’m sorry, but it’s just been eating at the back of my mind. According to Rhodey, you left a note on the fridge six months ago saying ‘brb’?” He used air quotes to punctuate your silly informalities.

You laugh softly, looking down, “I called up some old friends, told them I needed a getaway, traveled the galaxies for a bit..”

“And Thor?”

“You know, we just got him a whole, I don’t know, two hours ago, but man has he eaten literally everything in the ship.”

You two share a laugh as you looked over to see Bucky berating the raccoon as he tried to pry his metal arm from his body.

“Should we leave them to it?” Steve looked back to you. His eyes fluttered over your face, taking in every detail. He left deliberate glances to your lips with no attempt to act on anything. You roll your eyes playfully, “Yeah, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

—————————————————————

“It’s so beautiful.”

You and Steve had made your way into the palace, now standing in a room high above the colony. You were looking out of the windows, which touched from floor to ceiling, still stunned by the advancement of Wakanda.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

You could feel Steve’s presence behind you now. Even from behind, you could feel his eyes rake over your body. He was trying to memorize every curve, every muscle, every ripple in your skin.

You turned to face him, as he didn’t seem as infatuated with sightseeing, more so interested in you. You tilted your head to the side as you caught the longing look in his eyes. “I was talking about this place. Wakanda.” You quirk an eyebrow at him.

“That may be what you’re talking about, sweetheart, but I was talking about something twice as stunning.”

“Always such a charmer, Steven?” You rolled your eyes at his sickeningly sweet attempt to woo you. You didn't want to admit it, but even after all this time he still had hold of your heart.

The wind was pulled from your lungs as he grabbed a hold of your waist and pulled you flush against his body. Your eyes found his as he studied you more intently now. His grip on you not letting up, as if he was afraid you’d run or disappear.

His face was closer now, his breath fanning your face as he spoke, “I miss you. I want you.” His voice came out as a low grumble, vibrating your entire body.

“And as much as I miss you, I think I want the old cap back. What do you say we get rid of that bear growing on your face? Don’t get me wrong, it’s sexy, but..”

“I get it, I get.” Steve chuckled as he pulled back, but not before placing a faint kiss to your lips, the feeling lingering just a little longer as he turned away, making his way to the bathroom.

You stood there for a second, watching him disappear into the bathroom as you contemplate your next move. Once you realized he wasn’t going to come back for you, you hastily made your way after him, eager to be close to him again.

Steve’s body hovers over the bathtub, adjusting the temperature of the steady flow pouring into the tub. You move to stand behind him, your fingers running up his sides and he shivers, leaning into your touch a bit. Your lips find their way to his neck, placing careful kisses along the curve of it, all the way down to his shoulder.

“You gonna let me take care of you, Cap?” Your voice comes out soft, and you’re almost embarrassed because of it. But you knew it didn’t really matter, because you knew he loved it. He turns to face you, grinning like the cocky shit he’d become as he caged you in against the bathroom sink.

“S’that what you want, sweetheart? To take care of your captain?” You shiver as his hands slide their way up your shirt, caressing your skin lightly. You roll your eyes, biting down on your bottom lip, trying to hide the smirk that desperately wanted to escape. You knew what he was getting at, and honestly, two could play that game.

“Yes, captain.” Your response doesn’t take any thought, and neither does his next move as he pulls your shirt over your head, flinging it into the corner of the room. You give his shirt the same treatment, and he chuckles as you struggle to pull it over his broad shoulders. He gives you some help, taking it off the rest of the way. You let your eyes travel down his chest while your hands go up it, and his hands find their way to the clip of your bra. Your back arches as he unclips your bra, letting it slip down your arms and onto the floor. He audibly growls and you laugh, pushing him back a little. You begin to wiggle your way out of your pants, never breaking eye contact with him. “Come on, Steve. I’ve never known you to be this slow. You can keep up, can’t you?” You tease him, giggling as you watch his eyes grow darker. Stepping out of your pants, your panties are the next to go. You can feel the nerves bubble in your chest, but it just makes this moment all the more exciting.

You saunter over to the bathtub, stepping in and lowering yourself down slowly. You quirk an eyebrow up at him, silently telling him to get on with it. You settle yourself into the water, hissing at the feeling of the warmth that covered your aching body. Before you know it, the water was rippling once again as his much larger body made its way into the tub with you. You watched him for a second before scooting down towards him, and he didn’t hesitate to pull you into his lap.

“Missed your pretty face..” Steve nuzzles his nose into your neck and you giggle, bringing your hands up to run your fingers through his hair. You shift so you’re straddling his lap, your hands resting on his broad shoulders, pushing him back gently to rest against the wall. You let your hands travel to his beard, smirking as your fingers tangle themselves in it. You reach for the clippers resting on the side of the bathtub, tilting your head as you eye him, curiously.

“I don’t know if I actually want it gone so soon.. It’s startin’ to grow on me. Maybe just a little trim.”

“Maybe… Maybe you let me take what's mine first.”

“Just as impatient as always.. Relax, golden boy.” He snorts at that, letting his fingers run up your sides, occasionally dipping below the water. You just hum, running the razor carefully over the hairs of his face. Before you could make a move, you felt his hands on your hips, hoisting you out of the water. Your yelp of surprise turned into a quiet whimper when you felt his hardening member graze the inside of your thigh. “S-Steve..” He shushes you, his half lidded eyes running over your form, causing you to shiver in his hold. “It can wait. I need you, babydoll.” His voice comes out in a thick, slurred drawl. You roll your eyes, setting down the blade.

“You’re lucky I don’t knick you with that.” Your threats are empty, of course, and he knew that too. It was all in good fun. The fun was cut short when the breath was knocked out of your lungs as he thrusts into you with no warning. You whimper, hands flying up to his shoulders as your nails dig into his skin. You bite your lip to hold in a moan as he slowly pulls back out.

“Nuh-uh, none of that. Want to hear you. Hear how much you missed me.” his thumb comes up to your mouth, pulling on your lip until you release it. He then takes that as a go ahead to resume, lifting his hips up and pushing back into you. He lets his head fall back against the wall with a thud, his mouth falling open. “Fuck, baby. You’re so tight. You been savin’ this pussy for me?” he growls, taking on a brutal pace, making the water slosh up and over the side of the tub.

You nod vigorously in response, nails raking down his chest. “Yes, sir. Waited for you.” You whine, bouncing up and down to meet the powerful thrusts of his cock. “That’s right, babydoll. This pussy is mine. And mine only.” his eyes are dark as he watches where you connect.

His mouth goes to your neck, kissing you gently, a nice contrast to everything else. Bringing your hands up to his face, you pull him away from your neck and up to your face, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. He wastes no time sliding his tongue past your lips, yours immediately submitting to him.

Suddenly, you cry out into his mouth as you feel his thumb on your clit, flicking harshly. “Steve, steve please.” your hand goes to his wrist, holding it in place to chase that feeling. He smirks against your lips, pulling away.

“Use your words, princess. What do you want, huh?”

He’s driving you mad, and in any other instance you’d leave to finish off yourself just to spite him, but you need him. “Please let me cum, steve. M’so close.” you pant, grinding against him. He gives you what you want, pushing on your clit just a little bit harder, sending you over the edge. You squeeze around his cock, taking him with you. He moans, holding you in place as he cums deep inside of you and you squeal.

“Steven! You know i don’t use birth control, you dumbass!” You quickly pull off of him, stepping out of the tub. You grab a towel, wrapping it around yourself. You turn around to glare at him, head tilted as if to wait for an explanation.

He laughs, stepping out after you. “Just doing what I should've done a long time ago, doll. Gotta make you mine. We’ll work out the details as time goes, but I want this with you. I don’t want to leave again.” Your face softens as you nod, walking into his arms, laying your head on his chest. “I want it too. Whatever it is. Promise we’ll stick together this time? No matter what?”

“I promise.”

#steve rogers x reader angst #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader fluff #steve rogers x reader smut #smut #marvel #avenger #bucky barnes x reader #bruce banner #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america x reader #nomad steve

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capsironunderoos · 4 years ago

Text

Hoth Chocolate

DINCEMBER - December 4 - Hot Chocolate

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian) X Reader

CHAPTER 14 SPOILERS! S2:E6 SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT!

Summary: After the events on Tython, a tired Mandalorian finds himself back on Nevarro.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: SPOILERS! Also a very, very sad Din.

Author’s Note: Wow... So a lot happened in that last episode, and the only way I knew how to cope was to write. Thankfully Dincember exists, and I was able to do just that! This is very sad and has some angst in it, but some fluff too. It’s the fulfillment of the “Hot Chocolate” prompt for @dindjarindiaries Dincember, which makes this post just a tad bit late. Also, I learned that hot chocolate in Star Wars can be referred to as hot chocolate AND Hoth chocolate, and I literally love Hoth so much so that little bit of Star Wars knowledge will stick with me to my grave. Anyways! I hope you enjoy!

Here’s the previous prompt:

DINCEMBER - December 2 - December (Ariana Grande Version)

And the link to my masterlist: capsironunderoos masterlist

“Cara- Cara said I could find you here.”

You’re jumping up from your seat at the sudden break of silence. The book you were reading drops to the floor, and the sound of the hardback spine landing echoes around the room.

The shadow standing just inside your doorway is one you have not seen in a long time, one you had accepted you’d possibly never see again.

You’re still standing in silence, trying to decide what he’s doing here, and how he got in, and how you didn’t even notice.

“Din?” You whisper, almost unbelieving.

Your brain tries to talk itself into believing this isn’t happening, that you’re dreaming, and in a few moments you’ll wake up, alone and nostalgic for days when the other side of your bed wasn’t cold.

The visor of his helmet is still focused on the ground, and you notice almost immediately that he doesn’t have the child with him.

You find yourself wringing your hands together, a nervous habit you’d picked up too many rotations ago to remember, and one that could only be calmed with the touch of the man who was suddenly standing before you.

A child screaming in a fit of laughter outside your door as they run by catches you both off-guard.

You jump at the sudden rupture of the silence around you, and Din spins quickly to look behind him.

Something has happened, you can see it in the way his shoulders rise at the sound of the child laughing, and then fall once they have passed.

You walk over to where he stands, still looking into the alleyway where the entrance to your house rests.

You never take your eyes off of him as you hit the button that triggers your door to slide closed.

The soft whoosh of it closing let’s Din know that it is now just you and him, that no one will ever know what takes place in this room besides you, and him.

He’s missed that feeling, and you have too, though neither of you will admit it, not right now.

Not when there are obviously too many other things to talk about.

You stand facing his side now, noting that he has yet to look away from the closed door.

“Din?” You try again, and a deep sigh falls from his lips, crackling into static through the modulator of his helmet.

“Something has happened, hasn’t it?”

You question and he still looks forward, as if acknowledging being here with you will also force him to acknowledge whatever he has been through.

“Where is,” you’re unsure if you should finish the question you so desperately want to ask.

You stop mid-sentence and clear your throat as your hands find each other again and repeat their motions from earlier in a desperate attempt to try and ground you.

You want to know what has happened, you want so very much to know where the child is, and if he is okay.

You want to know if Din is okay, and why he is here now, after so long.

“What happened, Din?” You whisper, barely audible, and for a moment you’re unsure if he’s heard you or not.

There is a beat of silence before his shoulders slump, and the visor of his helmet tilts so far down that his chin is almost resting against his chest.

Your hands ache so badly to reach out to him, to touch any part of him you can in order to reassure him that everything is okay, even though it so clearly is not.

“I,” he starts, and your chest tightens.

Are you ready to let him back in just like that?

Are you ready to hear the tragedies he’s endured since he left you, since you asked him to take you with him and he disappeared before you’d even had the chance?

Din seems to be weighing the answers to those questions as well, but you can hear his steady breathing through the modulator and you notice him turning slightly towards you.

His chin stays tucked into his chest as he continues.

“I lost the kid. He’s… gone.” Din whispers so quietly that his modulator almost misses it, as you do you.

The word “gone” ricochets around the room before crashing into your chest, and you feel the breath knocked from your lungs.

Your legs grow weak, and you steady yourself against the wall to keep from falling down.

“Din,” you murmur out softly, and he hears his name laced with both sorrow and comfort for the first time in his life.

You notice how the utterance of his name seems to physically strike him, watching as he flinches at the sound of it.

He clears his throat before shifting his weight and starting again.

“Moff Gideon followed us to Tython. I- I left the kid, I left Grogu, alone, and scared for one,” he huffs loudly, and when he speaks again his voice is gravelly through the modulator, and you know that he is trying so hard to hold back, to stay strong.

You just aren’t sure if he is trying to stay strong for you, or for himself.

“I left him for one second. That was- all it took was one second.”

The defeat in his voice is something you have never heard from him, and it is something you never want to hear again.

Your brain briefly latches onto the name the child has seemed to receive, and you wonder how Din came to know it.

Before you can ask, you hear Din take a deep breath.

He’s not finished.

“They blew up the Crest,” he mumbles, and your eyebrows furrow.

Surely you aren’t hearing him right.

“They blew up- it took one second!” He yelps this time, his voice breaking and causing the modulator to crackle so loud it makes you flinch.

“They blew up my home!”

He yells now, visor raised as he looks straight at you, begging you to try and understand where he’s coming from, as if him leaving all those rotations ago didn’t completely uproot the home you had created for yourself.

“That was my home. It was- I had so much of myself in that ship, so much of what makes me…”

His voice has quieted down now, but he still stares at you.

He can’t even finish his sentence as his hand reaches for something in one of the pouches on his belt.

Your eyes slowly travel from the visor of his helmet to his hand, where he is grasping a small silver ball.

You feel as if your heart will explode at the sight of it, immediately identifying it as part of the control panel of the Crest.

“All that was left, I couldn’t, there wasn’t…”

Hearing him struggle to speak has broken you into a million little pieces, and you feel your face growing wet from the tears you can do nothing to stop. You are frozen, and you are unsure what to do to offer even the smallest ounce of comfort to the man before you.

Normally he is the one providing comfort, helping those in need and making sure everyone is safe.

Now it is your turn to do the same for him, and you can do nothing.

You are completely shut down, unresponsive, as if you are a droid whose each and every circuit has fried.

Din’s shoulders begin to tremble ever so slightly, and before you can register what is happening he is dropping.

The Mandalorian is on his knees now, his chin resting against his chest as he cries.

The sound of his pain through the modulator is enough to snap you out of your stupor, and you are quick to follow him to the ground.

“I lost everything, everything. In minutes. I have nothing.”

He whispers, and the words are so strained, so full of hopelessness that you aren’t sure you even recognize the man before you.

Hearing him believe so strongly that he has nothing left creates a strain on your heart akin to a vice grip, and the pain of it shoots through you, but you know you cannot argue with him now.

Your role is to listen, to understand, to sympathize.

You raise your hands to his helmet, and they hang in the air for a moment as you listen to his whimpers.

Would he still allow you to see his face?

You had made his clan of two into three at one point, but you wondered if he even remembered what that felt like.

You had found sanctuary in each other, and in the way the both of you cared for the child, but it had seemed so long ago that you were unsure he even remembered a time when you were allowed to see him outside of the beskar.

You begin to move your hands back to your lap, content with wringing them against each other, but you freeze when his hands shoot up to grab yours.

His fingers are wrapped around your wrist, and holding them so tight that you are almost afraid he will leave unintentional bruises there.

His chin still rests against his chest, and his shortened gasps for breath let you know that he is still crying.

Din slowly begins to move your hands to his helmet, and he pauses for just a moment before bringing them to rest against the sides.

The beskar is cold underneath your palms, and you instinctively curve your fingers under the helmet.

His hands still grip your wrist, and with a final squeeze he lets go, his hands now falling limply into his lap.

“Din,” you state his name in wonder, and he knows why.

“Please,” he insists, begs, and it is all you need to hear.

You lift the helmet slowly, sitting it beside you on the floor as you turn back to him.

His hair has been cut, but you can still see the unruly mess of curls.

His eyes are closed as tears continue to slip between his eyelids, making their way down his cheeks and pooling into the fabric around his neck.

You inch ever so closer to him, gently taking his face into your hands.

A tear begins to roll down his cheek, and when your thumb moves to swipe it away he breaks.

A loud cry erupts from his chest, and the noise is so foreign to your ears that your brain can only register it as a feeling of unease and pain that spreads through your body like wildfire.

Din suddenly falls the rest of the way, landing on his bottom with a loud thud, pulling your hands down with him, but you do not let them move from their spot against his skin.

You have longed for one more chance to touch him, to hold him, and you would have asked for it in any way other than this, but this is all you have been afforded, and you will not take it for granted.

You follow his actions, sitting on the floor in front of him, but he is quick to catch you and pull you into him.

You straddle his lap, legs wrapped around him as he squeezes you into his chest.

His nose finds the crook of your neck and your hands move to wrap around his head, your fingers lacing through his dark hair.

You shake as he cries, both from his sorrow and yours.

Tears fall freely as your mind tries to wrap around everything he has endured, and the way he so freely trusted you with his stories.

You allow him to cry for what must be hours, neither of you moving or speaking.

He whimpers as if in pain, and his struggle to catch a deep breath shakes you each time he gasps for air.

You can feel his warm breath against your neck, and you can feel where he has soaked the collar of your shirt.

Your heart aches for him, breaks for what he has witnessed, and longs to know the status of the child.

After his breathing has begun to even out, and he has stopped shaking, you bring your hands back to his face, moving it to look at you.

His eyes are bloodshot, and the skin around them is puffy from crying for so long.

You can see that he is exhausted from the release of so many emotions, and you lovingly stroke his cheek.

The smallest hint of a smile graces his lips and is gone as quickly as it came.

“I shouldn’t have left him. I shouldn’t have left you.”

You start to protest but he does not let you speak.

“Gedet’ye, please, cyare, forgive me. I shouldn’t have left you here.”

You have begun crying again, and he moves his hands to cradle your face and wipe away the tears.

The both of you now sit in silence as you hold each others faces between the plans of your equally callused and bruised hands.

“I will always, always, forgive you. You are my heart, my home.”

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”

I love you.

At your confirmation of his words, he pulls your lips to his, and the both of you continue to cradle the other as you share the softest kiss.

His lips are so familiar to you, as yours are to him, and it takes only a second for the pieces to begin to slowly connect once more.

When you pull away, a bit breathless and somewhat surprised, you notice that sorrow is still settled in the deep brown of his eyes.

“You know that I will do everything in my power to find the child, to return him safely to you. I know the attachment you feel to him, and how much he means to you.”

Din nods at your words, and you notice that he has begun to tear up again.

“I want you to tell me your plan to find him, because I know you, and I know that you were already thinking of one the moment he was lost.”

At the word “lost,” Din’s chin dips again, but you quickly raise his eyes back up to yours.

“And don’t you dare blame yourself for this Din Djarin. You knew the risks when you rescued him from the Client, you were aware of what could happen, and this tragedy has always been a possibility. The only difference is that now it is reality. Regardless, you are not at fault, and we will not abandon him.”

Din is crying again, and you swipe away each tear as quickly as they fall.

“Now, I want to hear that plan,” you prompt, and Din offers you a small smile.

“You always did love immediate action,” he states, and hearing the slight tone of tease in his voice makes your heart swell with affection.

You nod in agreement, and his smile grows.

“I will make a deal with you, Mandalorian,” his hands have long fallen from your face to rest around your waist, but he uses them now to pull you closer to him.

“Anything, cyare, anything.”

“You tell me your plan, and I’ll make Hoth Chocolate.”

He ponders your proposal for a moment, before a wide smile splits across his face.

“How could I ever refuse Hoth Chocolate?”

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