#i like rereading my own posts and i like listening to myself talk and i like the things i make even if they are a bit shit

[chilschuck]

AAAA i love your blog!! could i pls request a post-canon scenario where chilchuck finally admits his feelings for reader now that they’re not co-workers anymore >_< (assuming reader joined the laios party during the story)

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ WAAAAH ANON i’m so happy you love my stuff!! i LOVEDDD writing this for you, and i have another request in my askbox that’s similar that i’m going to do as well! this was super fun, and i found myself enjoying this idea and coming up with things i could do with it!!! i hope you enjoy!!! <333

— SHELTER: chilchuck x gn!reader.

꒰ warnings: ꒱ none, sfw fluff!! takes place post-canon.

꒰ wc: ꒱ 1745 (got carried away again…)

✦ i’m scared to reread this, but right now I’m actually happy with it!! i hope you are too!! <333 i tried my best to keep spoilers to a minimum, and to make this fun to read!! also, the title comes from the song shelter by ray lamontagne, which i listened to while writing it. i hope you enjoy!!!

With your party’s adventure finally over, you had decided to try and finally settle down as much as you could. With everyone finding their own new place in life, you did your best to find one too.

You couldn’t deny it had been rather lonely lately. Your own home was empty, a small place you had tried your best to make feel cozy. With your old party members living their own lives, you hoped you could live yours. But evidently, no matter how hard you tried, your mind always went back to him.

It was a bittersweet feeling; imagining him finally living healthily, working on helping others, and even maybe starting up that shop he talked about wanting. It wasn’t like you never saw him, but going on with every day life without him felt… mundane.

Chilchuck was working on himself, reconnecting with his family, and building the future he had hoped for. That alone helped you feel as much at peace as possible. Your feelings, to you, were not nearly as important as his own happiness. So here you waited, counting down the days you’d get to see him again. Maybe he’d be happy to see you too.

Little did you know, Chilchuck was devastatingly nervous. Buttoning up his shirt with shaky fingers, he tried his best to look as decent as he possibly could. It was the final thing he felt he needed to move on, and he wasn’t going to let himself ruin it. Not this, he told himself. There were some things he refused to let slip through his fingers, and one of them were his feelings he had developed for you.

Through it all, you had been by his side. An integral part of the party, you had built him up when he needed it most. Looking past all the mistakes, all the cynicism he liked to cloud himself with, you proved how much you simply cared. Not only for him, but for everyone. Chilchuck had fallen in love with you, and for once, he didn’t want to push those feelings down.

He had bought the flowers he knew you liked, tied with a sweet ribbon that he felt maybe was a bit too much. In fact, maybe all of this was a bit too much, but he hoped it’d work. Chilchuck even went to talk to Marcille about it all, a sign in his own mind that he was more smitten than he had been in years. Not to mention that he had, in fact, reconnected with his ex-wife, and had gained the closure he needed to take this big of a step. There was nothing holding him back now, and he could only hope the words of encouragement he was given would hold true.

Chilchuck had visited your home before, always noting just how comfortable he felt there. You were always happy to have guests lately, and he felt himself praying that this would be the case this time, too. Fist raised in front of your door, he took a deep breath before rapping it against the wood.

The knock came as a surprise, but not as surprising as the person who was behind it. Your eyes widened, his name leaving your lips in delight. “Chilchuck, hello!” It was slightly out of breath from the sheer excitement you had to try and suppress at seeing him here in front of you. Moving to the side, you motioned him in. “Do you… Want to come in?”

One hand behind his back still, trying his best to not snap the stems of the delicate flowers between his fingers, he nodded. “Yeah, sorry for the sudden visit.”

Shaking your head, you walked inside to prepare him something to drink. “Not at all! You know me… I could never say no to seeing you.”

It felt like another of Cupid’s arrows shot him through the chest. Maybe he shouldn’t look too deeply into your words, at least not yet. Following you inside, Chilchuck found himself trying his best to find anything to look at of interest. The plants on your shelves, the well loved books on the table, the occasional trinket you had decided you couldn’t live without… Everything that made it feel so much like you.

While you fiddled around in your small kitchen, Chilchuck cleared his throat. His mouth felt dry, and to try and slow down the thoughts rushing through his head, he spoke up again. “You know… You’ve done a great job with this place. I remember when you bought it.”

You couldn’t help but smile, thinking back fondly of how proud you were. Preparing you both glasses of wine, you turned your attention to him for a moment. “That means a lot, thank you. How have things been with the guild?”

Chilchuck hummed, eyes studying a particular painting on your wall. “Good… Pretty much the usual. Things are going pretty well. What about you, anything interesting since we last saw each other?”

Other than your constant war on your feelings for the half-foot, you’ve been trying new hobbies in order to distract yourself. As you turned to hand him the glass, you racked your brain for something to say. Giving him a sheepish smile, you shook your head. “Not particularly. Here, it’s one you like. Let’s go sit, yeah?”

He held your gaze for a moment, the flowers in his hand a constant reminder of what he was here for. Swallowing hard, he opened his mouth to speak. “Yeah. But first, I have something to give you…”

Finally taking the hand from behind his back, he steeled himself as much as he could before holding them out to you. Quickly setting the glasses down, you let out a sound of surprise. Your hands reached out for them, as delicate as possible.

Chilchuck felt like his face was a bit too hot for something as simple as this, but it’s been such a long time since he’s had to really woo anyone. How the hell did he manage to do this all those years ago? Scratching the back of his head, he broke the silence between the two of you.

“They’re your favorites, right? I happened to see ‘em and thought you’d be happy.”

Although Chilchuck felt like he was doing a piss poor job at this, you felt like you were swooning all over again. You know how much he used actions as a love language, yet could you even call it that in this situation? Friends did nice things for each other, yet…

His brows were furrowed in determination, the tips of his ears rosy and suddenly you felt like maybe there was something there. Your gaze fell to the buds in your hands, freshly picked and done so with care. The smile that made its way on your features was unabashed.

“Yes, yes they’re my favorites… I can’t believe you remembered that. Let me go get something to put them in. Thank you so much, Chil.”

It was worth it just to see you smile like that. Even if he felt a little ridiculous at the action, it paid off when you held the vase proudly in your hands. “I’m going to put them on my desk. I love them…” You spoke softly, your own cheeks turning that shade of pink he loved so much. For a few moments, it became silent again, his brain scrambling for what to say next.

“You asked me about my plans after our adventure was over. There… was something I wasn’t honest about. And I want to be honest about it now.”

Chilchuck made sure to correctly word everything he needed to say. Taking time in between his sentences, his gaze returned to yours. There was something there that you had only hoped you’d seen in the past; a taste of desire.

“I want to be there for you. I know we’re no longer coworkers, so…” The words fell silent, you remaining patient through his pauses. Softly, you gave a gentle phrase of reassurance. “You’re already there for me, I know that, Chil—”

Raising a hand, he silenced you. Contemplation took over his features, that worry line between his brows that you always found endearing still making an appearance. You waited for him to elaborate.

“…As more than friends.”

Your heart stopped. Did you hear him correctly? Certainly you did, your voice having gotten stuck in your throat as you tried to wrap your head around the weight those words carried. Was he saying that, this whole time, you’ve been a goal all along? Hearing your name, you snapped your attention back to him.

“I want to be more honest with how I feel. I know how I used to be, and I’m working towards fixing it.” His deep brown eyes held a small glimmer of hope, of vulnerability. Chilchuck was trying, and he was trying for you.

Feeling as if the wind was knocked out of your lungs, you asked shakily, “You want…?”

He smiled, a small etch in his features. Huffing, Chilchuck fiddled with the collar of his shirt. “You’re really gonna make me spell it out for you? I… Have feelings for you. If you don’t feel the same I get it, don’t—“

Before he could finish his sentence, you hurriedly set the flowers down before just about tackling him. The shock of hearing him say exactly what you’d been wishing for so long melted into a need to relay exactly how you felt. Chilchuck grunted at the impact, nearly toppling over.

“Of course I feel the same! You think I’d put up with your grumpy ass for this long if I didn’t?” You couldn’t help the teasing words that followed, pulling away from him to grin widely at him. “Can I kiss you?”

Your excitement caught him even more off guard, eyes widening at your question. “Sorry, that was probably a bit too much—“

Instead of giving you a verbal answer, Chilchuck tugged you to his lips in a desperate attempt to get you to just shut up and do it. You happily obliged, only pulling away to ask one more question. “How long?”

Chilchuck panted, confusion evident on his features. “What?”

“How long have you felt this way?” Your curiosity was getting the better of you, wondering just how long you two had managed to dance around each other like this. Chilchuck sighed, giving the only answer he could think to say:

“Too long.”

— dividers by @/cafekitsune! <3

[the-s1lly-corner]

How about digital circus x princess! Reader with their very own castle. Elegantly leaning out of their tower singing lullabies for anyone to hear. Ps Keep up the great work 👍

TADC cast x princess!reader

I know I usually stress that I answer stuff chronologically but I misread this as just jax (I'm sleepy!!) So I went to search for a princess reader post i did weeks ago, snagged the link then reread the request and saw it was the whole cast... but I've already committed to the bit by searching for the link sooooooooo

CAINE:

You and I both know hes goinv to use the fact ypure a princess for IHA... captured princess trope stuff, basically! So have fun with that! Absolutely loves your singing, so so much. Probably joins in with you, complimenting your part..or perhaps he hums.. other princesses have cute fairytale animals accompanying them, and you have..... bubble..... huh....

Really ups the whole... act when talking to you.. bows deeply, waves his arm around in a grand fashion when showing you to a room, ect ect ect

POMNI:

Has probably subconsciously/accidentally said you were pretty outloud. Gets absolutely lost in the sauce when you sing. Like just stands there, hands awkwardly clasped together in front of her as she listens. Probably sways side to side too. Gets very pink when talking to you, her face does the O^O thing... absolutely smitten

RAGATHA:

Ah my favorite, royal princess x common lady... well, at least aesthetically... whether or not you're royalty in the real world is debatable... anyways, that aside, I think this is probably one of my favorite ship dynamics... I love.. similar to pomni she is very bad at hiding her feelings around you. Tends to stare with a blushing face. Loves making you dresses; assuming you can swap out dresses considering the whole "their clothes are attatched to their bodies" thing

While I doubt your clothing can rip or tear thanks to the properties of the digital world, I think if she could, she would patch up any holes

KINGER:

Honestly I think out of this entire post, kinger is the only one who gets a platonic/found family take on this... just an old king and his princess kid. Again I'm not sure if he truly believes he royalty or if he was trying to appeal to the gloink queen by saying "as a royal myself.." but.. honestly I like the idea that he just likes playing the part. Like he knows hes not royalty but. You know? Let this man embellish himself

Pillow fort? No, pillow TOWER! No... pillow CASTLE! Pillow kingdom!!!

Nothing too hyped specific here he's just your dad here

ZOOBLE:

Oh? Cool. I mean your singing isnt really their cup of tea, they look like they're into alt/indie stuff tbh...maybe rock. Confession I'm terrible at identifying genres so I'm literally speaking out of my ass rn on what type of music zooble would listen to I'd have to list specific artists and songs

But this isnt about that

Depends on what kind of princess you are

If you're independent, resourceful, and badass I think you guys could build some chemistry

If you're like, damsel in distress, ,kind of stuck up, whiny, prissy, ect then it's a hard no

Not many ideas here tbh <\3

GANGLE:

Also thinks you're very pretty! Also loves your singing! I think she grew up on disney films, and even if she doesnt remember them it's still a core memory that like. is kind of instinctive atp. So she finds comfort around you, you know? LOVE that trope btw, where a character doesnt remember something but still finds comfort in it while not fully understanding why because as far as they know this is the first time with the thing

Absolutely melts if you compliment her. Sure, she would still melt if you weren't a princess.. but having someone so pretty and graceful saying it hits a certain way for her

JAX:

[santaasi]

my last words to Liam

You'll be in the sky,

You'll be at the sea,

You'll be somewhere

Far away from me.

You’ll be in the sun,

You’ll fall with the rain.

You are gone,

Yet here, in every way.

There is a pain

And tears and laugh 

And I feel void 

Without you, love.

I didn’t know that time so fast

Could end your life

So cruelly, at last.

You were like sun,

Like rain, like sea,

You were like life itself,

And you saved me.

Your voice,

Your music,

All your words —

will stay with me

until I die

and join you on the other side.

I should have said "I love you" more,

a thousand times —

for you to know,

And maybe then 

you wouldn’t go.

But now you're gone,

you're in the rain, the sun, the sea.

The brightest star, forever free.

And as the wind will sing your song,

I always will be sing along. 

For you to hear and feel my love

For you too feel forever loved.

author's note:

I've never been good at writing poetry. I always stuck to prose; it was simpler and more familiar... like it was where I started. I never thought I would ever publish any of my poems, but then Liam passed away, and that’s something I could never have imagined in my life.

I started writing because of One Direction and my love for those five boys. My first work was a strange crossover with One Direction and the cast of Victorious, written in my native language. I think it was poorly written and terribly paced, but I remember some people, Directioners like me, liked it and encouraged me to keep writing... and now I'm here, writing all these works that you read and enjoy. It changed my life. One Direction changed my life completely.

I've always been an extroverted kid; I liked talking to people, meeting new ones, and being the center of attention. I had many friends at the time, and everything was fine, but then I moved to another place and lost all my friends. I was alone. I was ten, my relationship with my parents was terrible, and I had no one. Then I saw a One Direction music video, and my life changed. I found new friends online, I started learning English — a subject I hated in school — and from then on, I never felt alone because I had my 1D family and Louis, Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Harry. I was there, rewatching their video diaries and X Factor, I was there tweeting jokes, voting for them in every award show, watching every interview. I was there when Zayn left, and when the boys went on hiatus, and I was there watching each one of them create their own history. And even when I wasn’t active in the fandom, I always kept an eye on them because they are still my whole world, my safe place.

Then, when I woke up two days ago, I was crushed. My world collapsed, and I couldn’t believe it — there was no more One Direction. No more Liam Payne. I cried and cried because it felt like I lost a part of myself, like I lost a close friend. I couldn’t explain this feeling to anyone, even my closest friends, who tried to support me but couldn’t understand my pain. You had to be there to understand what they meant to me. That first day was hard. I had to go to work as if nothing had happened, teaching English to kids, and it was so difficult. I was in my own world, listening to One Direction during my break because their music has always been my safest place — where else could I go? I couldn’t understand or accept the news, and all that day, I was just a shadow of myself. I came home and slept until I woke up in the middle of the night, finding out about Louis and Zayn’s posts. It was like I felt they would say something. I read and reread their words, but it didn’t feel real. It wasn’t until I saw Niall’s post that I understood — Liam was really gone.

The second day was harder than the first because I couldn’t cry anymore. I just felt overwhelming pain and emptiness. But I sat in front of my laptop and wrote a James Potter AU where he struggled with hate and a lack of confidence. I wrote it thinking about Liam, about how this industry crushed his dreams and his spirit. I wrote the words he should have heard while he was alive. After the group split, he only received hate. I named it Walking in the Wind because Liam said it was his favourite song. I wrote it for him, hoping he would feel loved on the other side. It helped me with my grief.

Now it’s the third day. I woke up thinking about Liam, read the news, and told myself not to listen to the band's songs because I thought it would hurt too much. But throughout the day, I caught myself singing their lyrics, realizing that even now, when I thought their music would bring only pain, it still brought me comfort. So I listened and listened, and that’s how I ended up writing this poem. I felt the urge to write one last thing about Liam, to properly say goodbye, to return to my life, and finally accept his loss. I didn’t think I would publish it, but then I thought maybe it could help other Directioners around the world. Maybe it would help me, too.

So now it’s here, and I’m writing my final tribute to finally say goodbye.

Dear Liam,

You are gone, but you will always live in my heart. I will tell my kids about you — the boy with the most amazing smile, who always showed the bright side, who tried to be there for everyone, who taught me to stay positive and saved my life. I love you, Liam, with all my heart, and I hope you’ve found peace. You were an amazing musician, a talented artist who wrote beautiful songs and drew beautiful pictures. Maybe you didn’t find the strength to open up through your own music, to show people how much you were struggling. You chose to stay strong in public and fought your demons alone. It’s heartbreaking, but I hope you’ve found your way now. I hope you’ve found happiness, wherever you are. And someday, when I’m old and gray, I’ll meet you again, while you’ll stay young and beautiful. I’m sorry you thought you weren’t enough, that you weren’t talented. I’m sorry you only saw hateful comments and thought the fans didn’t love you. But you were loved, you were more than enough, and you were incredibly talented. I wish I could go back in time and say all these things to you. I wish we could have prevented this. No one deserves to die at such a young age. No one deserves to die alone.

I love you, Liam. I love you so, so much. I know that this is not the end and I will see you again...

Sleep well, angel <3

[utilitycaster]

you getting push back on that post is crazy to me isn't it enough to watch and get invested in something for what it is currently rather than what it will be? I have so many unfinished projects in my own life it'd be crazy to demand polished completion from everything I watch/read. my unfinished sketches and embroidery and abandoned dnd campaigns still brought joy and growth without having a polished thing to present at the end

So what's funny to me is like. I have referenced this before here and elsewhere but like, as a child, I was SO bad at ambiguous and sad endings and my mother was like, not unkind about this, but neither did she coddle it, and I think that laid a groundwork that was really necessary.

My tags, which got lost bc I did NOT expect that post to break containment, do actually touch on how Netflix and other streaming services canceling things to avoid paying people a fair wage fucking suck but yeah here's a list of creative endeavors I participated in or watched/listened to/read that do not as of this posting have endings and I still liked, and many of them aren't even directly attributable to capitalism because this is just a fact of life and art.

As mentioned, both A Song of Ice and Fire and the Kingkiller Chronicles.

Multiple D&D campaigns for sure (I actually don't make D&D characters without a game in mind and find it weird that people do and so I'm like why am I the one arguing for the beauty of the incomplete).

Multiple fics, both mine and others.

King Falls AM, a podcast I binged in like 2018-2019 and despite being a mystery never actually completed bc the creators couldn't agree.

I think Battlestar Galactica 2003 is one of the most brilliant shows of its era and also the finale, which happened when the creators intended it to, is really dumb, and that doesn't undo the fact that I loved everything else.

How I Met Your Mother ends really poorly in a way that arguably undercuts the whole series, but like, I still liked that too.

Ditto for Chuck, which also struggles in that it was on the chopping block most seasons so they kept ending in ways that probably weren't true to whatever the original vision may have been.

I saw Firefly on DVD after it had already been canceled, I think Serenity is good but I don't love all the choices, and Joss Whedon has since been revealed to be a dick but like, I enjoyed myself greatly while watching it.

As mentioned, Heroes. I didn't watch much TV until my teens anyway because we didn't have cable and our reception sucked and we were very much a book household, and this was one of the first series I recall watching from season 1 and it's also the first TV series where I was like yeah I don't care anymore, and it went on for 4 seasons and I think I gave up either late S2 or early S3.

I didn't watch Supernatural, Game of Thrones, nor Grey's Anatomy but all of those are famous for outstaying their welcome, sometimes it's better to burn out than fade away, etc.

I had already long outgrown Harry Potter and started to see its limitations by the time Rowling's transphobia became public but like, now it's not something I would ever recommend to my friends' kids or anything, and that doesn't undo the fact that I did greatly enjoy it as a child and teenager; it was indirectly the reason why I was introduced to the superior fantasy of Diana Wynne Jones, which I do still reread from time to time. (I think the "well I never liked it" mentality about works from artists who end up being terrible people is tied into the "I can't get invested in anything that might end in an unsatisfying manner." Tumblr University's media studies grads are not the brightest stars in the firmament, that's for sure.)

Like, cancellation (let alone cancellation specifically because of the unique shittiness of streaming services) is just one of the many reason things might end in a way you dislike or become difficult for you to enjoy at a later date, and that's just talking about television. Are you really going to deny yourself the joy of anticipation and watching a story unfold in real-time because the thought of something not satisfying you at every single turn is so unfathomable?

(oh, and because this is, as we know, a CR blog much of the time, I should add that this mentality is really pervasive which is wild because your average 3-season canceled Netflix show is probably the equivalent of maybe 9-10 CR episodes; thinking about how many people who now claim C2 is terrible watched 141 episodes and also the person who is iconic to me who unironically asked me what the point was in getting invested in characters who will die re: Chetney)

[poohsources]

hi, pooh, is everything alright with you? i hope it's a yes! so, i'm sorry if you already answered something like this, but i just started to follow you right now (because i found your blog really interesting), saw this post of yours and was thinking: do you have tips about "losing our musing while roleplaying"? i see a lot of friends losing their muses, sometimes i do lose mine (which is sad, because we do have affection towards our chars), and i think some tips would help a lot and you seem to have the good ones. i would really appreciate if you could share them with us! the biggest thank you already and have a good, good day!

p.s: if i didn't made myself clear, sorry, english is not my first language ):

hi there! well, i'm sick again but other than that i'm fine, thanks. no worries, if questions are asked multiple times i tend to link them to the original answer. but it's one thing i haven't talked about yet, so you're good.

unfortunately, there is no definitive answer that will definitely help but there are some things i've either done myself or have heard about that are supposed to work, so i've compiled a list of all the tips that would help when you've lost your muse.

look at your muses' source material. this mostly applies to canon muses, but depending on the kind of oc, it might work for them as well. the idea behind it is to potentially watch a few episodes ( maybe ones that heavily feature or develop your character ) of the show your muse is from if you're writing a tv show character; reread the book / certain passages if you have a book muse, or just generally interact in any kind of way with the source material. even if you're canon divergent it might help ignite your muse again when you "see them in action" so to speak.

listening to music. if you're into music, you can probably make a playlist for your character including songs that either remind you of them or are something you think your character would listen to in their own free time. now whenever you're listening to that playlist it can help you inspire your muse.

read fanfics. if you're like me and spend an ungodly amount of time reading fanfics, it's something that can help you get inspiration for your muse. again that mostly only applies to canon muses but seeing the way others write your muse and the different scenarios they can be thrown into, might help with your own muse ( and especially plot ideas / au ideas ) that you can talk about either on the dash, to a friend or someone you'd think could be a great writing partner.

create your own stuff outside of rp for your muse. it kinda ties in into the playlist tip, but there are other ways to "channel" your muse outside of rp. do you enjoy drawing? draw your muse. do you like making mood / aesthetic boards? make one for your muse. there are so many different things you can do for your muse outside of roleplaying / writing that can help you get your muse back. even if it's just by doing other stuff.

talk to your friends. if you have friends or certain writing partners you talk to a lot, it can help to just talk to them about your muse(s). you don't even have to spew plot ideas or discuss things that have to do with roleplay but maybe just some casual talk about specific topics ( or if it's a canon muse, you could talk about their source material and what you like / dislike ).

dream up scenarios. if you're someone with an imaginative mind, one thing that can help is dream up certain scenarios that involve your muse. perhaps certain things that could happen to them and how they'd react, or interactions with other people or just random day-to-day stuff ― just put yourself in their shoes and think about them. ( potentially you'll even have some great plot or verse ideas this way. )

last, but not least, take a step back from roleplaying your muse. i know that this is probably the one people will dislike the most but sometimes the best thing you can do when you've lost your muse is to take a step back from it. if you're forcing yourself to write because you think it's what you're supposed to do, it's pretty much bound to frustrate you and therefore make you lose your muse. we all love our characters and the things we've created for them, but sometimes we have to let go. of course it doesn't have to be a permanent thing, maybe someday you'll get your muse for that character back and make a return to it, but sometimes you'll realize that you can't get your muse back and that is okay.

occasionally, people connect to characters that speak to them during specific times of their life and if these change, it can change the muse for that character because you don't feel as connected to them anymore. you can still cherish that time and love that character but as i said above, if you're forcing yourself to do anything, it's bound to be bad.

anyway, i hope these tips will help! :)

[torawro]

the way i’m slowly and extremely gradually treating my blog like my diary or just like….instagram or something is becoming increasingly concerning to me by the day. i just post and rb a bunch of stuff that i like or supporting other creators on here or screaming about my thoughts (that have so much range by the way). uncontrollable venting under the cut .

TLDR -> i am in my feelings and im feeling sad and wallowing in self loathing things because i want to write so so bad all the time but there are so many other factors discourage me from doing so, like im not good enough because i don’t publish things enough, & not many people read anything i write anyway

<\3

i really am trying not to hate myself because another 2-ish months have passed since the last time i have posted a fic, but it is so so hard not to. SO HARD. mutuals are doing kinktober events left, right and center, other moots post fics and blurbs as easy as sending a 5 sentence text and here i am. envious of them all. rereading and proofreading and staring at the same drafts i have had in my google docs for weeks. months, even!

i just get discouraged coming on here sometimes. it’s not that i don’t have the motivation to write because i do— i really do. i have so so many ideas that i want to share with everyone and my writing style keeps evolving and it makes me want to experiment with different tropes with my favs and see how well i can execute them. but the actual doing it….finding the time and trying to balance is just :( sob. it’s hard.

i internally cringe and silently scold myself at the wips i have and remembering how at the time i created them i was so excited to write them but then never finished for one reason or another. abandoned series make me sad :/ i feel guilt when people talk to me about how much they liked a headcanon i did and how i promised to expand on it, or multichap series i only posted the prologue and first chapter over a year ago. guilt bc i want to write everything but just can’t and i’m still struggling to accept that.

and in the process of struggling with this fact it turns into a self loathing cycle that then turns into disappointment when interactions on my writing pieces are low and have become stagnant, and the pieces are 4+ months old or something, and it’s like will i become irrelevant if i don’t post something soon? i have nothing new to offer at the moment, all the ideas im excited about and i have a feeling people will like im still working on or in the brainstorming phase so im like what do i do? idk. then i just close the app.

don’t even get me started on how admiration at just how good other people write makes me feel awful about my own writing…..

anyway sorry for boring you with my feelings but yeah :,) maybe i should stop being so hard on myself

if u read this far then….wow. thanks for listening ���

[shmowder]

hi I can't reblog your patho x reader smut posts because I don't put nsfw on my blog but I wanted to let you know they're SO good and hot. also choosing to read them as aroallo daniil rep

Thank you so much!! AAAA <3333 I posted them bc of one person's encouraging comment, I didn't expect more people to actually like them, even in secret. Fr tho, even without rebloging, a sweet message like this is all it takes to make writing and posting things worth it.

There wasn't any x reader in Pathologic before so it was a bit intimidating to be the first one to break the seal in a small fandom but fosjofjsjd it was so worth it.

Oh my god, aroallo Daniil sounds amazing. I didn't write it this way on purpose. It was more of me thinking how he might act in these situations according to his personality. I'm so happy he could be interpreted this way! Hell I actually kinda see it now when rereading what I wrote. lmao it's so funny bc I am aroallo myself.

I'd love to expand more on AroAllo Daniil below, your idea is simply gold. As for the Hysteria fanfic, I do have an idea for part 3, I might even post it on AO3 afterwards as a complete piece.

His lack of romantic attraction would explain a lot in general and even in the pathologic story itself. To be capable of love for humanity, just not romantic love for its individuals.

But let's focus more on a "reader" in this scenario and their relationship with Daniil. Caring for you as he would to one of his patients, inquiring about your well-being constantly and if you feel any discomforts.

If anything, he's more fussing over you than he is to the average patient. It's a clear favouritism, but he doesn't see it that way. In his eyes, he doesn't feel anything more special about you than other people he cares about.

Your "dates" are more of him bringing you along on his daily errands and asking for your input or talking shit about the kains with you behind their back.

Your "romantic nights" consist of him going over his research while you get yourself busy somewhere in his room. He is content with just knowing you're there. If you get bored, then he will involve you in his studies, explaining his recent hypothesis to you and mentioning the latest experiments results on animating then 2 weeks old decomposed tissue sample. It helps him remember his purpose, recall information and think with a clearer mind.

But whenever he's frustrated by something in particular or just exhausted from the endless workload in a single day, you find him by your side, mentioning how long it has been since you felt properly relieved and as a doctor it's his job to take care of you.

To get plausible deniability of course, you see he is doing this for your own health and because he cares. Half of it is true, and in a way he technically does get off on taking care of you.

On having you at his mercy laid on a bed, willing to listen to the knowledgeable bachelor who just has the cure for the ache between your legs. You let him take his time with you and he never does something without asking for permission, you're treated with complete respect whilst having surrounded all powers to him to do as he pleases.

His eyes are cold, and his movement is technical, driven by curiosity and fascination. As the act between you progresses and gets more intimate, he doesn't shy away nor act coy. He doesn't feel any difference than when the two of you first started.

But there is an undeniable shine in his eyes, a gleefully fascination of the human body and how beautifully complex it can be, of all of its capabilities. Each time he's on top of you, he's studying your body, carefully testing your reactions and the sensitivity of your intimate zones.

What makes you shudder, what makes you tense uncomfortably, what makes you lean in for more.

Keeping notice of your growing arousal and your different responses to his various approaches. This is how he has fun, this is where he truly feels in his element in a field of possibilities and endless potential, exploring the human body knowing the other person is as enthusiastic about it as he is.

It's like solving a puzzle, the clear satisfaction on his face when you're on the verge of orgasm, the way his own body meets yours in calculated thrusts, the way he keeps his a clinical facade to the whole ordeal while his mask crumbles down to reveal the desperation and hunger in his eyes. For comfort, for your hot insides, for the rush of adrenaline washing over him just before the blissful release, making his forget the ache in his joints and the soreness in his back.

The way the corners of his lips curl in the aftermath is undeniable, his always straight back forgeting its pose and slumbing down in relaxation, hell even his headache is gone.

He looks at you with gratefulness for your existence, for being by his side. He is thoughtful of you and shows it by cleaning you up, by treating your body with gentleness as he wipes it down. In a way, the aftercare is also a huge part for him in sex, it's like the final bow in a theatre act before the curtains close, taking care of you makes him feel alive, makes him remember why he enjoys being a doctor so much.

You're the most grateful and sincere patient he has ever had.

[newfrontierbackstage]

1,000 views Milestone and more

Hello everyone. Today I have come to talk about the most important milestone the fic has ever reached. A little bit ago, New Frontier reached 1k views on Ao3 and it honestly made me so proud, happy and satisfied with seeing such a number, even after months of hiatus and inactivity. The support that this fic has received is... honestly something I never expected.

If I may go off character for a bit, I want to tell you guys a few guys. I created this fic just for myself, for my own sake and to show the fandom some cool stuff, some action and my type of writing that I tend to like and go for. The first version was very much a showcase of inexperience and lack of understanding for a lot of things when it came to writing, but it was still the most fun I had writing the fic.

Then I went to reread what I had created and written... I started to see the cracks, to see that what I had put on the paper just wasn't as amazing as I first thought it was. So with that in mind, I decided to start going back and rewrite previous chapters, as it felt necessary and I felt it could elevate the story to higher levels and although that was pretty fun at first, it started to drain me pretty bad in the lenghtier chapters. It started to feel like a job.

The chapters have absolutely improved and I feel the fic's direction is in a much better spot, but I had to fight myself to get the motivation to keep going. Being honest, I was very much considering the possibility of dropping the fic on its entirety. as it truly felt that draining and boring to write. I wasn't doing new stuff, I was just rewriting older stuff and noticing my many mistakes!

My friends like CharmmyColour and LonelyLittleShips adviced me to write other parts of the story that were more exciting or thrilling. I honestly didn't think that was going to work out and I still tried to write through Chapter's 5 and 6 with a pessimistic and saddened state of mind.

That was until GoldenTulipLynx (my current cowriter) came into my life a year ago. We started to discuss more of the fic and he actively encouraged me more and more to write a few months ago. He told me to do so at least once a week to get some progress done and I did. It wasn't a perfect process, but it definitely led me to write more. Then he suggested me to write something exciting and for the first time, I actually listened to that advice and...

It worked. It gave me my inspiration back somewhat and it made me want to get writing more and more. If it wasn't for his inspiration and also the encouragement from my other friends, I may have cancelled the fic as a whole, so for that I'm truly grateful to them.

What I'm also grateful for is have fans and followers that have been patient, loyal and comprehensive towards the fic's state and progress. This took so long because I wanted to give you guys something worthy of that much of a wait and also have fun while doing so.

I really wanted this message to be special, as I felt the ocassion was the perfect time to do so. Truly, thank you guys. Thank you for still being here and I hope you look forward to what else I have cooking up.

And because I knew this was such a special ocassion/milestone, I also wanted to give you guys something exceptional, so with that in mind... I commissioned some art for New Frontier as a treat for you guys, one that displays Cavendish with his rifle in a wonderful forest, one that's going to be the usual hangout spot for him and Dakota.

This is my gift to you, everyone. Hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening/night and I'll see y'all down the trail!

With love: hypersonicJD

Edit: I have removed the background of this piece as I have found out it was been AI generated. I do not condone anything AI generated and thus, the commissioner's credits have been removed as well and I would like everyone to reblog this new version of this post.

[hikennosabo]

trimax volume 7 random thoughts

okay, after writing separate posts about tesla and knives, i think i can FINALLY put my more general thoughts about volume 7 in order. so much happens that i had to reread it several times. and even having moved my tesla and knives thoughts to separate posts, this got LONG. this volume is so dense, holy fuck.

chapter 1:

"happy days"... yeah everyone's made the joke by now but jesus christ. also i love the volume cover and the inner illustration with vash and ww... might redraw that actually.

people have addressed this already, but is rem really alone in there? who allowed this? is this the situation on the ship? only six people on the crew with one person awake at a time, but during emergencies they all get woken up?

...actually, is rem alone by her own choice? i don't know if she'd have the authority to make that kind of decision, but also i don't think she'd want to be around these people any more than she'd have to. ehhh. but if that's the case then conrad might've still been awake, so maybe not.

also thinking about the differences between trimax and tristamp... it's an interesting difference that here, tesla('s ghost(?)) leads the twins to where she is, but in stamp they find her because they're just being nosy LOL. not sure what to make of the lack of tesla('s ghost(??)) in stamp...

i just wanted to point out that while knives goes straight for the computer, vash is the one observing and noticing the little details in the room. also it gives me an excuse to post tiny hackerman knives for a third time

was the plant tesla was born from the same plant that birthed vash and knives? it was, right? it must have been, right? i'm... operating under this assumption, but i'm not actually sure...

HOW DO PLANTS WORK ACTUALLY. I'M DYING TO HAVE THIS EXPLAINED. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. humans made plants, right? HOW? how did they make something like this?? and with all the angelic imagery wrt plants, it's giving... i don't know. "humans making god in their own image" or something like that. REALLY hoping we get deep into the plant lore in future volumes.

i said most of what i wanted to say about tesla in my other post, but i still must ask... why did it take them one hundred days to question the ethics of what was going on. like... did rem and conrad wait that long to bring up concerns, or is that just when the other crew members actually started listening to them? (i'm inclined to think the latter...)

the fact that they're on the medical abuse part of the report but still caught up in the shock that an independent plant was born before them. this is so much to take in for them (and us)...

haha damn they weren't kidding, those happy days can end!!

chapter 2:

haha wow they sure didn't show this in stampede

but also oh so this is where tristamp vash starving himself as self-harm came from. okay. haha. i'm fine. it's fine i'm fine

^ this panel is SO good. biblically accurate vibes, but instead of the biblically accurate plant imagery we've gotten from the manga so far, it's about the humans this time. it's SO effective in showing vash's breakdown and his fear. he saw the depths of human cruelty, and now EVERY human is a potential threat, even the ones sleeping peacefully in their chambers.

holy shit, he looks so much like (future) knives here and he's also talking like him. hold on let me pull up that one panel

THIS. IT'S THE SAME KIND OF LEAP IN LOGIC.

i'm sorry i just can't get over this. like, normally, even when they're drawn to emphasize how similar they look, i don't really like... think much of it? even when other people in book club have pointed out in previous chapters "vash looks like knives here"/"knives looks like vash here" it's not something i often notice myself, but here it's different. it's to the point where the first time i read through the chapter, even though it SAYS that knives passed out, i wasn't sure if this was actually vash or knives. it REALLY emphasizes how they were almost like each other. in the last chapter we learned that knives almost became like vash. in this chapter we learn that vash almost became like knives.

"there's nothing but humans here." he's talking like knives!!! (although there IS something in vash's fear making him want to die himself vs knives's fear making him want to kill everybody else...)

vash tries to stab himself and rem's instinct is to grab the blade. not vash's hands, wrists, or arms, the BLADE.

it doesn't really show clearly that he stabbed her in the stomach but she has bandages there later so i guess he did. and that snaps him out of it. vash unintentionally hurting the people he loves... yeah, that's a thing that's gonna keep happening.

and then we get the blank ticket story! i made it my blog title on a whim and i finally know the full context... i don't even know what to say about it except that it's a really nice story. genuinely.

there's so much catharsis in... well, there was catharsis in stabbing rem, in a manner of speaking, and also in their conversation afterwards. and that healed vash's heart a little. but knives slept through it all... :(

thinking about baby vash gaining his will to live back because of his conversation with rem but in the present day he has NO SELF PRESERVATION LIKE AT ALL. adult vash regards rem's words with such value but it's like he's forgotten something along the way.

chapter 3:

i've said everything i want to about chapter 3 in my knives post.

actually no just kidding there is something else i want to say.

picking this panel of his breakdown specifically because of how young he looks. he's just a kid. he was just a kid. HE WAS JUST A KID!!! A LITTLE KID!!! GOD my heart hurts.

chapter 4:

HOW IS THIS ONLY CHAPTER 4.

anyway thank GOD we get some much-needed comic relief from wolfwood. shooting a rubber band at vash and trying to tease him to help him feel better... they're so cute your honor

i can't help but remember that time when wolfwood pointed a gun at him for real... anyway

this whole setup once again feels like the early chapters - the rescue, the silly one-off characters, the camaraderie, the drinking... but, same as in 'colorless expression', things are different now. it's a relatively lighter chapter, which is nice, but there's an air of unease hanging over the whole thing. vash's smiles are so fake.

"time's yer savior," huh? ...put a pin in this.

there are probably about a million posts already about wolfwood being a grim reaper, but this exchange specifically is giving MAJOR psychopomp vibes and i'm kind of obsessed with it.

just. the way that they're both speaking kind of slowly. the word "guide." ww being in shadow. and the confirmation of what they both knew but has gone unsaid up until now. it's all so *chef's kiss*

with knives powering up and starting to take drastic action, ww acting as a grim reaper, and vash being fully prepared to die... there's such a sense of finality here. it hurts to see vash accepting his death so fully, but you can't fool me, i know there are seven volumes left. seriously, why does it feel we're building up to the final battle? reading this in real time must have been fun...

chapter 5:

nightow really popped off in this volume, there are SO many good spreads, holy crap. also once again: PSYCHOPOMP VIBES. "this is the end of the line... have ya made yer preparations?"

and we go right from wolfwood as death to... wolfwood death, but they CAN'T FOOL ME with all these ww death fakeouts. still, seeing him get RIPPED IN HALF had me like, how is he going to come back from this one?! ...OH, it's a hallucination. oh okay.

this is unrelated to what's going on but i love when ww has fangs :) but also what IS going on, actually?

i love that elendira is there to greet them :) i just love when she does anything, actually.

VW ARE SO CUTE. GENUINELY. they really care about each other so much. just. the way they both don't want the other to worry. ww pretending everything is fine, vash pretending not to notice ww is pretending, then revealing he did at the last second. idk it's just. cute. and indicative of what their entire relationship is, pretty much. and ww's little :x expression is SO cute. they're so cute.

aha, so this is livio and. the other guy. who is this again. was he in stampede. it's the other guy talking, right? livio hasn't said anything--WAIT, is THIS GUY chapel? i somehow just got that. THAT'S why he's so pissed at wolfwood lmao. i'm assuming he's in a wheelchair because of ww also. lol. so he's the one responsible for showing ww that vision, but... how did he do that exactly?

also i like how elendira is trying to deescalate, lol. she did NOT sign up for this.

and finally a better look at livio's face!!! they bishiefied him SO much in stampede lmaoooo. skull mask aside, he's pretty handsome! i like the masculine face with the long hair. it's a Look

they've been teasing me with livio for two volumes now, i want to learn about his manga counterpart already!! he only has like, an episode and a half(?) in stampede, i wanna know how differently they adapted him beyond making him a twink lmao. i've gotten the impression he gets more screentime in the manga...

AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE? WHY WERE THEY EVEN HERE? TO INTIMIDATE WW AND THEN LEAVE?

she's so real for this. he is cute!!!

is this a wolfwood transphobia moment because he misgenders her or an ally moment because he immediately corrects himself. (/j) i'm taking it as an ally moment. but i just wanted to take a second to appreciate elendira's little expressions, they're soooo funny and cute. it took a second read to notice the little sparkle next to her face in the third panel LOL

also, elendira calling ww "honey" is cute. yeah. he is a honey.

chapter 6:

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRYYYYYY FOR LAUGHING

SHIT IS SO SERIOUS RIGHT NOW BUT WHY DOES THIS CHAPTER OPEN WITH LEGATO HANGING FROM THE CEILING. HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN HANGING THERE. i don't think he's supposed to be this unintentionally funny, but everything about legato just. tickles me. i'm so charmed by him. i love you my little bagworm.

OH, LEGATO CAN MOVE ON HIS OWN? with his little... contraption. so was he hanging from the ceiling by choice?? and i guess he doesn't have his assistant(?) anymore, since elendira nailed them through the head... we still don't know who they are or where they came from...

also, his expressions are so cute.

every elendira-legato interaction is sooooo fucking funny.

okay, enough about legato for a second, it's time to take that pin out!

there's the dialogue from stampede! the one-eyed man said "time's your savior," and that's pretty much what vash is hoping for. run away, wait it out, hope things get better. patience and caution.

of course knives doesn't take well to that, because he's angry and scared now, plants are suffering and being exploited now, both himself and vash are beginning to decay, there's no time to wait, he's going to act! ...that's his way of thinking, at least.

okay back to legato.

CLUNKING HIS WAY UP THE STAIRS...

he's so funny. and his desperate expression is weirdly cute. i love elendira and ww's exchange also, it feels like they've bonded a little lol. this is a very unlikely trio. i'm enjoying these brief scenes.

this man can fit SO much regret and self-loathing but also so much selflessness and love in him. i'm going to cry.

i love you legato! the star of this chapter!!

okay, what does "overpowered" mean here? is it like, if they merge, vash's will would overpower knives? like he would take over? is this like devilman-style demon fusion??

generally i haven't been making trigun-devilman comparisons, because aside from them both being bible fanfiction, they're not that similar... i don't really see any direct devilman influence in trigun. but this is giving me devilman vibes. if the will-overpowering thing is indeed the case.

i'm glad legato interrupted. even knives is like, damn maybe that wasn't the best idea, lol.

one last cute legato for the road. aww look at him, he's so happy knives breathed in his direction! idk he just activates my cuteness aggression for some reason.

aaaand that ends that volume. i DO wonder. knives merging with plants isn't what he was doing in stampede... are his actions in stampede gonna become relevant later or was that anime-original...

[pprodsuga]

omggg a snippet just for meeee i'm so honoured u wanted to share something with lil 'ol me. stop it before i develop a parasocial relationship with you...

on a different note, if u will allow me to rant for one wee second.. this is completely irrelevant to anything but i was looking for some romcom novels to read (bc i need to stop letting fanfiction consume me), and tell me why authors pick the ugliest most generic ytest names. i haven't read a real book in a while and i'm so used to reading ff now where even side characters have korean names that the switch over back to western books is awful. i had to stop my search bc wtf is GARRETT and TUCKER. ik a korean name is just a name, there's nothing objectively special, but it's just more unique in the sense that i don't see it often outside of media. the only way to get around this is fantasy books where the names aren't even real names (thank god the book im currently reading is fantasy). PLEASE can i just get an ethnic name and maybe more ethnic characters or something... sob. i just want a college romcom to cope so i can get away from college au's😭 yeah it's fucked for me. thank u for listening to my unsolicited bitch sesh

-comet

just for you, for always being so thoughtful in your words. more under the cut to spare the dash.

your first messages back in june struck a chord within me for two reasons: talking about my writing was an incredibly kind thing for you to do and it validated the hell out of my work. but also, i was experiencing a lot of friendship turmoil that i had to navigate (re: why i wrote never to keep).

i don’t know if i’ve ever expressed just how grateful i am to have read your messages at that time because for that entire month, i felt like i did not have anyone in my life to back me up when i stood up for myself. knowing that you thought i must be someone with a great deal of empathy and kindness restored a bit of faith in me and who i am as a friend. i reread your message over and over again until i could remind myself that i am who i am for a reason. so thank you.

character names are something i think about a lot, both in fanfics and regular fiction. i’m oftentimes taken out of the story when it feels so incredibly yt (but go figure, i’m not white but have a “white” name so i understand that there is some nuance sprinkled in there). but sometimes we just crave that subtle representation in an ethnic name so i don���t have to wait for the author to explain that they’re not….white. in every sense of the word. but like if you’re gonna pick a white name then at least make them sound HOT?

onto the snippet! i’m excited to post this one. no idea when i’ll finish writing/editing but i’m excited that you’re excited. not providing context bc im a menace and will make you wait. 😎 (thank you for being excited.)

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Sunghoon turns to look at you. “You were always the most unpredictable part of my day.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah. You moved into the apartment next to mine and running into you a few times a week kept me on my toes. I don’t know. I guess I saw you as someone I would have potentially befriended. I could at least pretend I was coming home to talk to someone who cared.” 

“That’s…very sweet. You’re a nice person, Sunghoon.” 

He sighs. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t know when I’m gonna see my family and friends again and explain all of this, but I'm starting to get the feeling that they’ll never hear from me and they’ll never know what happened tonight.” 

“You know,” you begin, “a lot of my life was spent moving from place to place and never having anything or anyone to call home. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to leave everything behind. For that, I truly am sorry.”

“It’s really not your fault,” Sunghoon says dryly. “Whoever tried to kill you should get a bullet to his head.” He hears you laugh awkwardly.

“Yeah, well that likely wouldn’t solve our problems.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t think that man acted on his own accord. It’s too professional to assume he’s working alone.” 

“You’re saying he’s working with someone else?” 

“Or, he’s working for someone.” 

Sunghoon gulps. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“The price of freedom is high. Remember that.” 

“You know, none of this explains how you know what you’re doing. If you know, for that matter.” 

He doesn’t hear you move for a short while and closes his eyes shut. Once again, he’s found himself slipping up and saying things that don't translate well. Too afraid to speak, Sunghoon considers sleeping and dealing with his actions in the morning. 

“I know what I’m doing because I’ve done it before,” you say through the darkness. “When your whole life revolves around survival, you adapt to the best of your ability and do anything to stay alive. I’ve learned a few things from my time on the run so please know that I know what I’m doing.”

“Who are you?” 

The room is silent. 

“Someone you can trust.” 

[leminhthinking]

"add something, if youd like" ok, here is something i used a throwaway account to comment on the Double MV. i didnt reread so i didnt remember anything about it sorry but there probably is mention about internalized ableism. also personal experience. its kinda shaped like a rant

posting it here now that i came out about being plural here. yeah.

tldr (theres another tldr at the end of it but it was from the time i commented and i want to add something else here) i love representations

I keep finding myself wanting to comment something under this video, but I know I'll say stuffs about myself that I feel would be unsafe to share using my main so I'm using this throwaway account to do it instead 😔

I just want to say that I'm so grateful that Mikoto and John (and maybe other alters in their system too? saying this just in case) were ever written. Being a system who had just discovered that only over a year ago, I can almost see myself, no, I can almost see *us* in every part of their story up until now. And in a way, I feel like I've also... grown with them? If that makes sense?

I have been following MILGRAM for quite a while, enough to be there when MeMe was just released. Back then, I still thought that I was certainly a singlet (didn't have DID), despite how one of my alters - I will refer to her as my sister from now - showed up pretty regularly at the time. That's why when I watched MeMe, I remember thinking to myself, "oh shit, this guy's just like me, and because [insert internalized ableism here] I'm saying he guilty then." But then we all know what's got confirmed 😂 Funniest thing is, a short while before that, I also came to term about being a system. Dammit, to think about it, it felt like a second confirmation 😭😭😭😭

Now that I have accepted who we really are, the release of Double and their second voice drama feels exceptionally special to me, as the host of our system. John and Mikoto's situation right now really reminds me of us last year. My sister and I specifically, respectively. At that time, I tried hard to deny the fact that I am not alone in my head, and that we are entirely separate people. It took me a while (with a few tarot spreads. fuck. I'm a Mikoto kinnie now) to know that we actually are... and some actual, honest conversations to know that she actually loved me, rather than wanting to harm me... Yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm talking about? That's why I'm really rooting for Mikoto and John to have better communication... Ah, maybe if Mikoto watched "his" own second trial MV, he would understand...

That being said, I'm still not sure on what to vote... When I first watched Double and listened to the second voice drama, I thought to myself, ouch, ok, guilty because John clearly seems to be the alter who knows more right now and that would keep him fronting more to interrogate. But after a while, my opinion... changed? I don't want Mikoto to be affected too much from the verdict and maybe going dormant because of that. John maybe still there for the interrogation but fuck, I don't think he's ever been without Mikoto for a long time and I'd hate to see his heart breaks. Maybe innocent is the better solution after all for the whole system, as it might soothe Mikoto's mood and his mindset. I also trust that MILGRAM's writer team know what they are doing and therefore would not "kill off" John. Maybe they will just let him be inactive for a while if they are voted innocent, given that he's finally satisfied with our decision...

(Yes, I do know innocent = forgiven and guilty = not forgiven and I'm deciding while knowing that. I'm just calling them innocent and guilty because I'm more used to it while speaking in English.)

Hmm, that was a longer rant than I expected. I don't know how to conclude really, so I'll say something that would sound entirely unrelated 😔 If I remember correctly, prisoners can hear us audiences right? If that's really true, I just want to scream to Mikoto and John that it's 100% ok to be a system! To not be alone inside your mind! To exist alongside another person in your system and love them! It's ok to just be yourselves! And please please please fucking find a way to communicate with each other!!!

Once again, thank you MILGRAM for letting them exist... I really hold them so dearly in our heart...

TL;DR: local system getting emotional over Mikoto and John, rooting for them to have better communication.

[consult-sherlockholmes]

Like seriously, this is getting ridiculous! Can no one understand that it's extremely difficult to always understand context or tone from what someone posts? Especially if the poster doesn't have English as their native language? Common phrases or jokes may not always come across as they were meant to. If something looks "rude" or "mean", maybe ask the poster if that's what they meant before jumping to conclusions and tearing into them? For example, I'm pretty sure that when Vicky said "easy boy", she wasn't calling you an easy boy. The comma was missing, so it should have said "easy, boy!", like "take it easy, boy." Telling you not to get so worked up over that particular post. Now, the anon who made the unwelcome post asking to touch your derriere was rude, and deservedly got a rude response in return. Truthfully, I would just ignore those types of people, they're only looking for attention. So, don't give it to them.

Anyway, I'm taking a weekend break from the blogs as I'm tired of reading the same conversation over and over again. Have a wonderful weekend yourself!

Maybe you should listen to your own words, because neither did I say anything rude to 'Vicky'. I only said 'what?' two times, but people misunderstood it, and arguments started between several parties, an argument I wasn't even involved in. What is so rude and worked up about a 'what'? Can't I ask something? I literally asked them what they meant, which is what you are recommending up there.

How did I tear into anyone else than the rude anonymous asker? Everyone else got worked up, reread the post and see for yourself. I didn't even talk to most of them. I have had enough of it myself, it's idiotic, but I get blamed for people losing their mind and starting to argue on a post of mine, although I wasn't even involved in said argument. It's getting exhausting to always get blamed, always receiving the same mindless asks and arguments, instead of something intellectually challenging and stimulating. I can guarantee you I am much more sick of mindless conversations than you are. It's boring, most of what I receive is just spam, no cases, no serious asks anymore. You are the ones who contribute the asks that I answer, if you are bothered by the same mindless conversation, bring up a new one. Send a productive intelligent ask, instead of filth about my 'peach'. Send something that is actually worth my time.

[thedrunkenreadersreviews]

A Quick List of My Best Rereads of 2023

Ah, I remember when I was but a new reader, exploring all the worlds of books and telling myself, "I'm not going to reread books. That is a waste of time. Time I could spend exploring other realms."

Foolish was I.

(Sip, sip)

Happy winter solstice, my friends, a fitting holiday for this list as one book is what changed my whole opinion on the entire "rereading" thing. To celebrate, let's have some nice Apothic Red Wine and briefly talk about my favorite rereads of 2023. My favorite reads of 2023 will be posted on either NYE or NYD.

(Sip, sip)

Well, let's get to it!

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

(Sip, sip)

I picked this book up after the announcement for The Mysteries of Thorn Manor, wanting to refresh myself on this incredible world and the characters. I enjoyed everything about this book essentially: the magic system, the characters, the world-building, and---something unique for YA books in my case, especially standalones---I felt the stakes. The dynamics between the characters were fantastic, nothing felt rushed or forced.

It has become a comfort read of mine, as well as The Mysteries of Thorn Manor. There is also the incredible level of creepiness, especially with Nathaniel's nightmares and him projecting those nightmares; that I devoured and always wanted more. Even though The Mysteries of Thorn Manor is a novella, it still delivers heavily on the darkness of Nathaniel's nightmares, which grew more intense following the whole Silas affair. Both novel and novella are exceptional and I will recommend these books any chance I get.

(Sip, sip)

Between by L.L. Starling

I have an entire post dedicated to this book. It is adorable, cozy, funny, heartbreaking, fantastic! The magic is interesting, the characters are treasures, the humor is actually enjoyable, and the plot is engaging. I have scribbled all over the chonk of this book with thoughts, predictions, things I think will be of importance later. I have never done that with a book before.

This book also holds a very special place in my heart as it was the last book I read to my dearly departed cat (yes, he'd snuggle up close and listen to me read, purring in delight, and even hold my page open) before having to watch him cross the rainbow bridge.

Still, I reread it every year as not only does it bring back fond memories, but is also an enjoyable read. It is by an indie author but do not let that dissuade you. It is everything!

(Sip, sip. Pours one out for my baby. Refills. Sip, sip)

Dark Harvest by Norman Patridge

My goodness is the book small but it is written like poetry! Such a silly, creepy idea and yet, I don't know how Norman Patridge did it, but he made it all weave together so effortlessly. You feel embraced by the story, immersed in the culture, like you are a part of it. Lived. in it.

And the October Boy character, ole Saw Toothed Jack, damn is his story and POV one for the ages! What an amazing character! His thoughts, his actions, the mission he is on is such a harrowing journey that I so thoroughly enjoyed reading and it always gives me those sweet, spooky Halloween vibes.

The movie was good, but the book is outstanding! Read it, folks! As is usually the case, the book is a thousand times better!

(Sip, sip)

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Believe it or not my The Folk of the Air lovers, but Severin, that background character that Jude approaches for help in The Cruel Prince and later requests the sword from in The Queen of Nothing, well, he has his own novel. And he is pretty fucking awesome and he was my first faerie love before Cardan came into the picture.

Severin's story is what made me fall in love with Black's Faerieland. The Darkest Part of the Forest reads like a true fairytale and feels so incredibly cozy and whimsical. And the characters are all so precious, even one of the "villains."

Oh, and "scheming great schemes," yeah, that actually came from this book. So, if you love Cardan, Jude, and the rest of the High Court, you must read The Darkest Part of the Forest. In simple words, it is enchanting.

And it was the first time I teared up during a love confession (Severin, you softy 🥺).

Also, no character is sacrificed in power to favor another, which is what I see a lot of YA authors in fantasy do, specifically to favor the female character. What I mean is, that they will write the male character as faltering in some magical way and then have the female character pick things up and save the day. Holly Black doesn't do that. She doesn't take power away and redistribute it to her female characters. She makes them powerful in their own ways. For example, Cardan is more magically inclined than Jude because he is a full-blooded faerie, of Mab's bloodline, and the High King, while Jude is a far superior swordsman because she was trained vigorously at it by a redcap while Cardan was not. They complement each other, and neither is considered weaker than the other. They both have their strength.

It is the same in this book. Never is Severin's power as a faerie lessened for the sake of building Hazel up, and in the final confrontation, it makes sense for it to play out as it did given the circumstances.

Overall, The Darkest Part of the Forest is tremendous! Give it a read if you haven't. It certainly complements The Folk of the Air trilogy.

(Raises glass)

To you, Alderking Severin, my first and always faerie crush. 💕

(Sip, sip)

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

This book ... oh, this book ... I will never get over it. I had mentioned previously that I do not often cry when reading books, and that is true.

This one had me tearing up constantly and yes, even the waters flowed at a certain point. But why?

Some of those tears were sorrow.

Others were joy.

The story of Maia is the most inspiring one I have ever read in any book. Ever. Maia, a goblin in an elf-supremacy world, finds himself suddenly the emperor, as the title implies. And that's it. That is the story. Maia is attempting to navigate through this tremendous obstacle; meeting friends, making enemies (though through nothing that he did beyond just being a goblin), and trying to make as many people as possible happy while questioning and discovering his own emotions towards his family and himself.

Maia is a character blessed with unconditional kindness and empathy. He is a person just trying to make the best out of a most impossible situation. The world-building is exceptional, the writing is superb, and Maia is a character that will touch your heart no matter how stone it is.

There are spinoff novels to this book but, truthfully, this one alone is all you need. It has everything a fantasy book should have minus some grand quest. There is none. It is just about Maia finding the emperor buried beneath years of trauma and prejudice. But even with all the hate, Maia and his friends are a beacon of so much hope.

20/10, one of my favorite books of all time and quite possibly my favorite standalone novel ever written.

(Sip, sip)

Last but certainly not least as we bring in the winter solstice, I bow before my High King and High Queen, and raise a toast to the faerie I love most and my beloved mortal warrior.

The Folk of the Air by Holly Black.

I have come to understand the purpose of rereading books you love because of this series. Granted, when The Cruel Prince came out I originally thought I was not going to be interested in it. But Amazon was persistent, always having it appear as a suggestion whenever I opened up that damn website. And I caved one day, figured I could always return it or donate it.

(Sip, sip)

Now I have nine versions of the damn thing (mutters from rim of wineglass: no, I don't have a problem).

(Sip, sip)

Every time I reread this trilogy, I am reminded of why I fell in love with Cardan, why I aspired to be like Jude and related to her so much, why I adore fantasy, what incredible writing sounds like, and what a faerie book has the potential to be. Cardan is not some thousand-year-old, super intelligent, militaristically inclined, muscular faerie king.

He is a moody, noodly, seventeen-year-old teenager who is ticked that he has a crush on the weird girl and doesn't want any responsibilities whatsoever. It. Is. Genius!

There are always new secrets I'm discovering in the trilogy; the lies within the truth, the truth within the lies, character quirks, hidden jests, and foreshadowing small details.

I had heard that for mortals the feeling of falling in love is much like fear.

Jude, are you afraid of me?

Like, come on! Ugh!

Every year since I purchased The Cruel Prince I have reread this series. And I will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

(Sip, sip)

So those are my favorite rereads of 2023. My favorite reads will be posted soon, as will be my most disappointing. But, cheers to you, dear readers!

May your Christmas (if you celebrate it) be merry and bright! May your New Year (if you celebrate it) be inspiring and magical, and may the coming days bring you bliss.

Thank you for sharing a drink with me and reading my silly opinions. It means the world to me.

Happy holidays, friends!

Cheers!

(Sip, sip)

[dreaming-of-mossballs]

hii so I'm like a super ultra silent reader of your content bc I am deathly afraid of my liked posts showing up on my friends' feeds. but I had to somehow let you know that even though you seem to be having some sort of burnout and unhappiness with your writing, as someone who's very very picky about what writing I even enjoy, your writing style and skill is definitely some of my favorite on the app at all. I totally understand being unhappy with your own work since I'm an artist too (albeit a visual artist so, not quite the same here but the idea applies), and I can relate to being unsatisfied with whatever it is you're putting out there. but basically, I just wanted to let you know from an outside view, your writing is extremely eloquent and well-put-together and organized. you can tell your writing is created with a lot of thought and time put into it, which is why it's so easy to enjoy. and side note, I LITERALLY haven't been able to stop thinking of your last post since I read it yesterday which almost never happens 😭. honestly even though there's like 5 gepard fans on here so he gets practically no content from anyone, I'd still prefer to have your writing carrying the "fanclub" of sorts over a large crop of posts from lots of people that isnt very well-done or thought about. I know you said this recent post may be your last one for a bit, so please, PLEASE take your time with whatever's next!! your stuff is always very much worth the wait ❤️ and please do take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard.

(by the way, you totally don't need to post this on your profile or respond to it at all, I just wanted to send in some kind of message about it since as I mentioned, my paranoia prevents me from interacting with your posts directly 😞)

CRYINGB UGLY SOBBING OMGOMGOMG

It surprises me when people say I don’t need to respond because I can’t keep such a nice note to myself 😭 but I do the same thing when I’m sending asks so I totally get it (I’d get this tattooed on my forehead if no one stopped me)

i had NO IDEA I had a super ultra silent reader so this was an absolute joy to get. There was a post I saw earlier about how in fandoms, it’s either you talking with a small group of friends or your door is open and people come in and listen to you ramble. I’m definitely the latter. I’m so fortunate to have so many people invested in my story lol, because like most things I write, they start off as daydreams in bed. I’ve never written one out before, but I’m SO GLAD I DID.

And honestly, if I were to release something the quality I wanted it to be, it would take ages of rereading and refining. Unfortunately im not a very gifted writer, but all the practice I’ve gotten due to being obsessed with gepard has helped me a bit. I just have to remember that haha

Some less coherent thoughts

ITS EASY TO UNDERSTAND???? YAY IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHH

i actually based my style off the wings of fire series, i don’t know if y’all are familiar with it, but the introspective humor was so fun to me as a child. (Also I love using Chekhov’s gun as a crutch I’m sorry guys) it also stemmed from the worry that readers wouldn’t be able to visualize what I was picturing, so that ended up in a LOT of describing scenes early on. With no metaphors so it was just like. (Y/N) set the cup down, (Y/N) put the laundry in the washer, etc. hahaha it makes me laugh looking back on it

it also makes me absolutely kicking my feet giddy that it’s invaded your brain. I love giving people brain worms and inflicting emotional damage on them. And gepard ALWAYS shares posts with other Hsr men like. The absolute middle child treatment. But I’m glad I’m doing my part to bring something to the table that’s different than the usual 1k words he gets sandwiched in between five other people.

it makes me so so happy you think my writing is organized and well thought out, because I do put a lot of thought into it!

I’ve run out of words to say but i might come back to this to ramble pfft

i hope that fic gives you a good supply of serotonin for days to come 🩵🩵

[slytherinsomniari]

Yet Another Drawing Rant

Edit: I will look back at the advice on my previous posts but alas, I still deal with inner negativity and this is how I try to deal with it.

Learning how to draw for me is incredibly difficult. It always is for beginners, but even more so for me because I have social anxiety and have dealt with an extremely harsh inner critic since I was a child. I didn't have that many friends growing up and despite absolutely loving anime and manga to the point of constantly rereading the manga I owned, I just couldn't get into drawing. Every time I tried I would feel such a deep sense of shame and embarrassment for what I drew that it made me not want to draw. And I mean DEEP. And it still affects me to this day.

I have wasted so much of my life because I have always listened to that inner critic. I wasted so much time that I could have spent drawing and if I had drawn as a kid, I would have been at the point I want to be at now. But nope, I wasted my life and now I have to take the amount of time it would have taken me then to learn now. I try not to think about it but it's hard when I genuinely had SO MUCH TIME to learn how to draw back when all it would have taken was for me to love a series or character to draw.

I don't want it to take 5+ years to get good. I don't want to be shit. I could have been good by now and that's what hurts. If I had continued drawing as a child I would have been able to draw the Hogwarts Legacy fanart I want to draw. I would have been able to draw my MCs with Sebastian, Ominis, Professor Sharp, and Rookwood. I would have been able to join in when everyone posted art of their MCs and I would have been able to fully enjoy looking at their art and fawn over and talk to one of my favorite HL artists.

Apparently the vtuber Mori Calliope said something along the lines of "If you quit when you are shit, you will stay shit". It is something so obvious and I understand it, and yet I can't help but feel like shit when I look at my drawing level. There are kids now that draw like professionals and they are still kids. I'm 26 and I have skills that are less than theirs. I find myself constantly asking how I can get from not being able to draw things like faces, hands, eyes, etc. to being able to draw them decently. The answer is by practicing. I know that but it's hard when I hate myself and my level so much. I just need something that makes me happy about drawing itself--something that makes me keep coming back and wanting to learn. But I don't know what that would be. I want to practice for hours a day--I even planned for that originally, but I still lack that one thing that keeps me coming back to draw everyday without thought.

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

For the writer shop talk asks!

🦐 💥 🌵(Enigmatic Confections) 🔪🎻

Hi, thank you so much! 🥰

🦐- Talk about a time when you made yourself laugh or cry?

I've never made myself cry while writing, but I make myself laugh a lot. I definitely cracked myself up thinking about, planning, and writing the little dragon biting Nikola on the ass and I still giggle when I reread the whole thing. 😂

Another part where I made myself laugh was in the last posted chapter of Enigmatic Confections, where I had Nikola and the children interacting. I don't know why it amused me so much, but I thought it was funny and cute, these three interacting and dealing with each other. It was a really fun thing to write and I think it was the most recent bit of writing where I made myself laugh.

💥- What does your writing schedule look like?

I spend a lot of time every day writing, mostly because I don't have much else to do. There's no schedule, really. I just do it when I can, though sometimes there are other things that distract me or the inspiration just won't come.

So. No schedule, but a good chunk of my time is theoretically spent writing.

🌵- What did you start with first for your WIP? Worldbuilding, character, or plot? (Enigmatic Confections)

Oh, um.... I think it was plot and/or worldbuilding? Enigmatic Confections is the spruced up, extended version of a different fic called Not So Sweet , and I have index cards with the Fictober prompts written out with the outline for each chapters (the only fic I've done this for!). So I took the world from the previous story and built the plot after I sat down and wrote out a list of the prompts.

The original story was based off of @starbuckxcarter's request for a Helen/Nikola rivals + lovers AU, so I had a lot built up before I even started Enigmatic Confections.

🔪- How do you feel about writing fight scenes?

I'm okay with them! I actually don't think I've written many/any in my fanfictions, come to think of it.

It can be interesting, but sometimes it's hard to keep track of where someone is or what they could plausibly do or sustain during a fight.

I've mostly done fight scenes in my original writing so... go violence!

🎻- Where do you look when you need some inspiration?

I'll reread my own writing, read/watch the source material, or just screw around watching random things or scrolling through tumblr, listen to music or something. It doesn't take a lot to get the gears going.