#i like it so far. i missed consuming media with girls in it Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[skrunksthatwunk]

started watching revue starlight last night (sapphic gay theater school dueling anime probably) and immediately had a dream about heterosexual theater art type school. what the hell. infighting in the gay community. war and hate on the planet me. can't have one funny little gay people experience it's always gotta be some shit like this

[formulawolff]

jealousy, jealousy - t.w.

pairing: fem!reader x dbf! toto wolff

word count: 2.1k

warnings: age gap, smut (oral - male receiving!), questionable power dynamics, cursing, vague toxic vibes from toto, allusions to sex, slight choking, poorly translated german, dominating vibes from toto for sure, writer has no idea how university in europe works, dad's best friend! trope, reader is lowkey a little brat, dirty talk, yadayadayada

a/n: here is the highly anticipated second part of sunbathing! and yes, it is loosely based off of jealousy, jealousy by olivia rodrigo. i hope y’all enjoy this just as much as the first part! <3

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚

no matter how hard you tried to shake it, it lingered.

it was always present, nagging away, gnawing at you. nearly consuming you whole.

it kept you awake at night as you tossed and turned, your mind wandering, wondering what could have been.

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚

what could have happened if the two of you were alone that day. how he could have made you feel. how he could have fulfilled every single one of your sleazy, dirty, downright sinful fantasies.

how he could have fucked you like the whore you were for him, aching for some sort of relief from the fiery desire burning within.

you were desperate. desperate to replicate the way he touched you that day. desperate to hear that sickeningly sweet lust dripping in his words. desperate to squirm under his intense gaze, his mocha depths picking you apart.

no toy in your nightstand drawer even came close. there was no porno that could even recreate the memory. there was nothing that could satisfy the craving.

the craving to feel toto wolff spread you open and tear you apart.

ever since that summer afternoon, you maintained your distance. you stayed as far away as possible, ensuring that you remained upstairs whenever he came over for a couple drinks. you would purposefully only pop into your dad's office if you knew toto was out. there was one morning where you fibbed that you had an upset stomach, just so that you didn't have to tag along for another dinner on his luxurious yacht.

of course, you didn't want to avoid him. but you knew you had to.

simply because the mere sight of him was enough to bring you to your knees.

although, missing numerous grand prixes did have it repercussions.

while your dad was in the garage, you would be at home in bed, scrolling endlessly through social media. in turn, a nasty, unsettling feeling began to bloom, only growing with each passing weekend.

and that feeling was jealousy.

to put it simply, you were envious of the girls. how they were able to prance around the paddocks every weekend, donning the latest designer clothing and sipping on the finest champagne. giggling among one another as their boyfriends zoomed past. gossiping about everything and anything, from their sex lives to which one of their manicurists perfected the glazed donut look.

you longed to be with them, to join their elite status as a formula one wag. you ached to be that it girl, strutting into the garage, unbothered as tik tok pages buzzed and tabloids raved.

yet, with the man you had in mind, you knew it wasn't attainable.

not in the slighest.

there was no world in which you would be toto wolff's girlfriend.

it simply was never going to happen.

and facing that fact? fuck, did it have you spiraling.

it left you dejected and defeated, wanting nothing to do with anything and everything related to formula one. the sport you once loved was now a stark reminder of what you could not have.

an innocent dream crushed by the harsh weight of reality.

however, your withdrawn nature did not go unnoticed. by the third or fourth weekend spent home alone, your father decided it was time to "go out and socialize!" and "keep your mom company while he was at work."

you couldn't fight it any longer, either.

you had to attend the hungarian grand prix.

whether you liked it or not.

of course, your father was oblivious. he teased you, wondering if it had something to do with that "verstappen boy" or "that chuck leclerc fellow." although he did not press, you knew that he was aware it had something to do with a boy.

well, not just any boy.

a man. a fifty-two year old man.

his best friend and boss, at that.

so, here you were, using your mother as a shield as the two of you hung out in the garage. with carmen mundt and lewis hamilton's mom, nonetheless.

"so, how is university going?"

a delicate voice floods your right ear. blinking, you realize that it was carmen trying to speak, heat flushing into your cheeks as she giggles, your mom chiming in.

"she's been a little spacey today, so you might wanna make sure her antennas are adjusted correctly."

"mom!" you hiss, eyes narrowing into slits. however, you suck in a breath, turning to carmen, "i haven't started yet, but i am excited about this semester! i have a lot of classes online, so i can work while i travel."

"that's great!" carmen gushes, her lips forming a radiant grin, "i understand how difficult working on the go can be at times, but i have full faith that you'll have another great semester. your dad informed me that you were quite the scholar."

"oh please," you scoff, rolling your eyes, "i'm not that-"

"guten tag miene damen. i hope hospitality has been treating you well!"

your breath hitches in your throat as that brassy voice fills the air, his thick accent seeping into every word.

"toto!" your mom rises to her feet, wrapping the team principal up in a tight embrace, "it's nice to see you!"

"wie ich sehe, hast du den kleinen mitgebracht," the team principal shoots you a wink, folding his arms across his chest, "it's nice to see you, again. i don't think i've spoken to you since-"

"the afternoon we went out on your yacht," you finish, heart thudding against your rib-cage as he nods, "i've been a bit busy."

"is that so?" toto arches a brow, his tongue swiping along his lower lip, "busy with school or?"

"preparing for the semester to begin," you respond, a shiver running down your spine as he maintains eye contact, "i begin my last year of university in a few months."

"very good," the team principal clicks his tongue. tilting his head ever so slightly, he shifts to your mom, "would you mind if i stole her for a few minutes? i don't think she's gotten to see the upgrades we've made to the car."

"oh please," you mom waves a hand, "you know i don't mind!"

"well," his attention floats back to you, his elbow extending, "would you like to see the car?"

"sure," you mumble, your knees nearly buckling as you stand, "as long as i'm back before the first session."

"i'll have you back in no time," giving one last wave to the women, you hesitantly accept his gesture, linking your arm with his, "you better make this quick."

"is that right?" he counters, "you can relax, you know. you don't have to be so tense."

exhaling, your shoulder droops, "sorry. just a little nervous."

"you of all people know i don't bite," as the two of you weave through the garage, he chirps greetings to members of the crew.

as he strolls through a door, you realize that you were not looking at the new cars. in fact, the cars were in various pieces, the engineers tinkering away as you passed by them minutes ago. he was leading you in the opposite direction of the garage, deep into the paddock, far away from your parents.

"the cars were in the garage you know."

toto clicks his tongue, his gaze directed toward the sprawling labyrinth of hallways and doors. his pace picks up, and for a moment, you find it a bit difficult to keep up with his lengthy strides.

yet, he doesn't speak, eventually coming to a halt in front of an office space. he pauses, shoving a hand into his pocket. fishing out a lanyard, he flashes a badge in front of a black square. at the top of the device, a light beams green, the lock turning.

his hand wraps around the handle, pushing the door open. he draws the blinds, taking a brief moment to scan his surroundings, ensuring that the two of you were completely concealed.

swallowing thickly, you shift in place. the air is still, thick with tension as toto turns on his heel, coming face-to-face with you.

in that moment, you swear there's a crackle, as if there was some sort of electricity. a hand cups the back of your skull, bringing you in close.

"where have you been?"

his inquiry is harsh, almost as if he was scolding you.

"home," your lip trembles as he studies you, taking in every little mole, every little scar, and the way your eyes glimmer in the dim light, "i've been at home."

"avoiding me or avoiding the what ifs?"

"both," you sputter out, the word thready as he leans in even further, your mouths only millimeters apart, "i was scared if we saw one another again, i would put you in some sort of fucked-"

"you're adorable," the team principal coos, tilting your head back, "absolutely precious."

"why do you say that?"

the tip of his nose brushes against yours, his voice merely a whisper.

"because no matter how badly i want to fuck you right now, i still have some sense of control."

"then what are you going to do?"

"feel those pretty little lips around my cock. get on your knees."

"t-toto," you stammer, fighting a moan as his mouth drifts down your jawline, planting sloppy kisses down your neck, "i-i don't know if we should-"

"just say the word and i'll walk you right back to mommy and daddy."

adrenaline courses through your veins, your mind scrambling to form a response as his fingertips glide along the waistband of your jeans, tenderly stroking along your heated skin.

the angel on your shoulder was telling you to walk away, to end it right now before it grew into something more.

yet, the devil was a little bastard, reminding you that you finally had him alone. the filthy fantasies that clouded your dreams at night could finally be fulfilled.

and who knew how long it would be before an opportunity like this arose.

it was now or never.

licking your lips, you lower to your knees, the coolness of the concrete littering your limbs with goosebumps. toto dips his head, prompting you to proceed.

"show me how much of a good girl you really are."

bringing your hands to his slacks, you hastily undo the buckle of his belt. hooking the waistband of his boxers, you slide them down, eyes widening at the sight before you.

his hardened cock, far larger than your fantasies, was before you, stiff as the blood pumped through it. his tip was a rosy pink, tinged with the glow of lust. there were several veins prominent, wrapping around his length.

sticking your tongue out, you swirl around his tip, humming as his legs shake momentarily, pleasure crashing over him like a tidal wave. his chest rises and falls, breathing ragged as you begin to take him in your mouth, lashes fluttering as one hand wraps around the base.

"that's it," he pants, fingers tugging at your roots while your cheeks hollow out, "you take it so well. good girl."

spit begins to dribble from your lip as you begin to bob your head, your hand pumping along his length. with each stroke, you can feel him tense, his jaw clamped tight.

you can feel the bruises forming as obscene noises bounce off the walls, the team principal's grip loosening by the second. you're soaking wet, the juices pooling between your thighs as his head falls back.

fuck, did you like this.

no, you loved it as he shuddered against you, his voice breathy, barely audible.

"y-you're going to make me cum. f-fuck you're going to make me cum."

seconds later, you feel it.

threads of cum spill down your throat, his hips bucking against you, "good girl. get every last drop."

pulling away, you swallow, the team principals' hands finding yours. fingers intertwine together, helping you to your feet.

"come here."

mouths mold together, the kiss blazing with passion. a tongue slides along your lower lip, delving in. it's pure bliss, breathing life into your lungs as he brings you in closer than you ever thought possible.

the tender moment is brief, leaving a tingling sensation that buzzes all the way down to your toes.

"we will finish this," eyes interlock, a finger sweeping along your jaw, "i promise."

"when?" the inquiry tumbles out, "when will we see each other again?"

"as soon as possible," he murmurs, "promise me something though, schatzi."

"that is?" you arch a brow, wondering what could possibly come next.

"promise me that you won't let another man near you until i get to finish what i started."

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚

master taglist: @ts1m1kas @joalslibrary @bxuzi @swifth0lic @dounib67 @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @invictax @pretzelsarenice @lizxoxeth @marknolee @f1kenzzz @statuewoman @jeannealicette @chuxk-lerclerk @manianoola @lokideservesahug @noooway555 @vimayxo @p3rcyp1g

[auras-moonstone]

Hello!!! Hru?! I hope your doing great!

I don't know if the requests are open but i know you're a swiftie and 1989 tv just came out and "Slut!" really reminds me of Jack, so could you do a story inspired by it? Just reader being famous (actress/singer, whatever you think fits) and she is being all love-sick by meeting and dating jack? And she even buy that "i love my boyfriend/girlfriend" t-shirts?

I hope you get my request and i love your writing!! You are the best <3 (And what's you favorite vault track?)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ slut! — jack champion

ᡣ𐭩 word count: 1.9K

ᡣ𐭩 pairing: jack champion x actress!fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 summary: y/n has to deal with the reputation that has been set on her by the media as she falls in love with jack, her co-star and best friend.

ᡣ𐭩 contents/warnings: mentions of slut-shaming. friends to lovers. instagram posts. fluff.

ᡣ𐭩 author’s note: hiii! <3 thanks for sending this request! when i heard the lyrics “in a world of boys he’s a gentleman” my brain just screamed JACK so i agree with you! and my fav vault tracks are slut and say don’t go <3

ever since y/n started working as an actress, the media has been merciless with her. maybe it was because despite having been in the industry for just a few short months, she was already working with remarkable directors and successful and iconic franchises. media had always had the tendency to bash successful women, and y/n was fully living that experience.

the point was, she didn’t want to give the media more things to trash her for, so she stayed unproblematic and silent. and yet, regardless of all that, they had managed put a reputation on her that was far from the truth.

y/n was kind and had a unique vibe. every co-star spoke highly about her and the media always managed to twist this by painting the picture that she was a “serial co-star dater.” it happened to her with every single movie or show she worked in, and people bought it blindly. the name-calling became part of her every-day life, and she would be lying if she said it didn’t affect her.

she swore she would never make the media be right, and so she set a strict rule—never ever date a co-star or be extra affectionate with them. it was a sad way of living, setting boundaries that were useless because reporters and haters always found a way, but she just wanted to do what she loved. she wanted to be remembered for her good acting and not for who she dated.

but then jack champion walked into the set, with his cringy yet amusing dad jokes and contagious smiles, to turn her world upside down. everything was so natural with him y/n didn’t even notice the way she started ignoring the rules until the scream filming was nearing its end and the thought of not seeing jack as often anymore made y/n’s chest hurt as if her heart was being ripped out.

and then the questions ran through her mind—what should she do? should she act normal, as if realisation hadn’t drawn on her? should she confront jack and ask if there was something more than friendship between them? or should she start putting distance before the feelings got deeper?

what she didn’t count on was that she didn’t need to say anything, jack was not only observant, he also knew her like the words to his favorite songs. he noticed how her head was up in space, how she seemed to be always deep in thoughts, distracted. something was consuming her mind, and it was driving jack insane.

“you’re acting weird. what’s going on?” jack finally asked her, pulling her aside on set. right behind the trailers where no one could bother them.

y/n tensed up. “what? nothing.”

“please, don’t play dumb. if there is someone you can’t fool is me.” jack said firmly. he missed his y/n, the girl who brought him comfort like a cozy warm blanket. “i miss you.”

“i’m here.” she said breathlessly.

“but are you?” he accused her. “something is going on, and it has to do with me.”

“what makes you say that?” y/n asked nervously.

“because you’re especially tense when i’m around.” he said sadly, and it broke y/n’s heart. her mind has been a mess, and she was unconsciously hurting jack. “did i do something wrong? please tell me, we can talk about it.”

y/n shook her head and before she knew it she was breaking down. jack didn’t hesitaste to pull her in. “i’m the problem. i’m sorry.”

“shhh, it’s okay. i’m here. don’t worry about it now, just take a deep breath. we don’t have to talk about it now, i’m here whenever you’re ready.” he spoke softly, rubbing her back slowly, to try and bring some calm.

they both sat on the ground, backs resting against the trailer. jack held y/n’s soft hands tightly, hoping it would give her the comfort she needed. he had never seen her in such state, and he was concerned.

“it’s nothing bad… i guess. it depends.” she said, reading the expression on the boy’s face, which grew more confused by her words. “i realized some things a few days ago, and they have been occupying my mind. i don’t know what to do with this. no matter what i do, it’s going to change things so i might as well be completely honest.”

jack nodded, pressing his lips on the crown of her head. “not going anywhere, y/n/n. no matter what you say, i can promise that.”

“you know the reputation that precedes me, right? i’ve told you about it.” jack frowned but nodded. “because of that, i’ve set this rule, that i wouldn’t let myself be affectionate with my co-stars. and i have sticked to that rule, until you.”

a knot formed on jack’s stomach. “so it’s about that? you want to put some distance?” god, he hated this. he hated to think about not being able to hold her, but he would give it up if it meant he got to keep her around.

“that’s the thing, jack. the reason why i have been acting so unlike me is because i’ve been trying to convince myself that putting distance would be the wise decision. but… if these days have proven anything is that it would be ultimate hell.”

“why didn’t you talk to me?”

“well, to be honest i was thinking what i should do. you just beat me to it because you know me better than anyone else.” she smiled and jack mirrored it. “that’s… that’s not everything i realized though.”

“okay, go on.”

“when the countdown to our last day on set started, i got this horrible feeling on my chest. the first thing that ran through my mind was that we wouldn’t see each other that often anymore and i felt this hole in my chest… it’s more than just missing a friend, jack. i would feel empty because i like you and you’ve become my person.”

jack’s jaw fell open and he was close to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. the times he has dreamt about this scenario… it felt too good to be real.

“but…” she continued. and reality hit the shore, putting an end to his short-lived hope. “i’m scared of what people might say. it’s still hard for me to not let what others think get into my head, and to even think about the hate that might come your way if we dated, makes me sick.” she shook her head and then her eyes widened. “my god, what am i even saying? i just assumed that you liked me back, i didn’t let you talk. god, this is embarrassing i’m so sorry.”

jack cupped her cheeks. “y/n, y/n, stop. breathe.” the girl nodded and closed her eyes until she was breathing normally again. “okay, now listen to me. if you’re not ready for a relationship, that’s fine. but if it’s because you’re scared of the hate comments towards me, let it go. i don’t care about them, i just care about you. okay?”

“yes…”

“good. i want to be your boyfriend, and if you’re not ready because of what the media might think then i have an idea.” y/n’s curious eyes look up to meet his. “i really like you, too, y/n/n. we can date in secret, to see how things go, and whenever you’re ready, we can tell everyone.”

“jack, that’s a lot to ask to you…”

“you aren’t asking me anything. i want to do this. i want to call you mine so bad—in secret, in public, however you want.”

y/n smiled through the tears. “are you sure?”

“one hundred percent, y/n. never been so sure about something.” he reassured her.

y/n couldn’t even recognize herself. two months ago she had been completely against the idea of being in a relationship and now she was utterly and unquestionably love-strucked.

she used to think she was doomed to being lovelorn because of the restrictions she had put in her relationships with other people. and now, there she was in bed, feeling lovesick just because she hadn’t seen her boyfriend in two days.

though those days helped her make the decision. the relationship between them was beautiful, it was a safe place, it was her main source of happiness. jack was everything to her and she was tired of loving him in the dark. he deserved to be loved out loud, in plain sight. she knew she was going to be the one to pay the price, but it was fine.

“you know there’s no rush, right?” jack assured her for the hundredth time. when y/n told him she wanted to make their relationship public, he remained calm (even though he was jumping on the inside) and sat her down to think it through.

y/n smiled widely. how could she not fall for him when in a world of boys he was a gentleman? “i love you, and if they call me a slut… you know, it might be worthy for once.”

“i love you, too.” he pulled her in for a kiss. “okay. let’s do this.”

“okay. i’m just warning you, i truly believe in the slang go big or go home.”

jack eyed her suspiciously. “spill.”

the girl smirked mischievously and went to grab a bag. “i made us special shirts.”

“lord save me.” jack sighed when he took the shirts out of the bag.

“you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.” y/n said

“you know i’m going to, anyways. like i’d ever be able to say no to your pretty face.”

enchantedliv um, just bumped into y/n y/l/n and jack champion 🥺 they were wearing matching shirts that pretty much confirmed their relationship ????

landrysghost what did the shirts say??

enchantesliv “i ❤️ my girlfriend.” and “i ❤️ my boyfriend.” THEY ARE SO CUTE AND WERE SO SWEET😫

user1 are we really surprised? that girl dates everyone she works with.

user2 he’s too good for her.

user3 she’s going to dump her once she meets her next co-star for sure lmaooo

user3 y’all are so jealous lmao. acting bitter just because you want him, that’s her only crime. there has never been any proof that she dated previous co-stars.

liked by jackchampion, misstrinitybliss, baileybass and 878,913 more.

y/n.y/l/n hi everyone! this is more than me saying i’m taken by the most gorgeous and kindest man on the planet. this is also me getting something off my chest. been wanting to for a while, so here we go!

since the beginning of my career i’d told myself to stay unproblematic which i mistook for never fight back or defend myself.

the media always said i dated too many co-stars—even though that’s completely false. i’ve never dated anyone i worked with (until now)—, so i set this stupid rule for myself: try not to be too friendly with my workmates. i was so scared of proving the media’s rumours right that i built this shell around me, never allowing myself to fully connect with people. and then, a couple of months ago i met jack. he made me forget about those limitations i so foolishly put.

i’m done giving anyone the power to hurt me. i’m done letting people think it’s okay to shame a woman for who they date or not.

i’ve been in a dark place for a long time, and i never noticed until my person walked into my life and showed me daylight. i’m doing better than i ever was now. i’m never staying silent again, i’m going to defend myself, my relationship and my boyfriend. always.

that was all for now, thanks for reading.

ps. i love you, jack. all i need is you <3 thanks for being the best boyfriend, best friend and person in the world.

jackchampion so so so proud of you. this brought tears to my eyes not gonna lie. you’re the sweetest ever i love you 💌 thanks for the shirt, by the way, matches my personality!

y/n.y/l/n you’re so silly😭 i love you more and intend to be cheesy forever 🫶🏻💖

jackchampion certainly no complaints from me!

[usergreenpixel]

JACOBIN FICTION CONVENTION MEETING 36: THE GAME OF HOPE (2018)

1. The Introduction

Well, hello there, Citizens and Neighbors! I’m alive and back with a review, as promised. (Very happy about it too because I missed you!)

Now, to cut to the chase, @josefavomjaaga was the first person who told me about the novel’s existence, which had me a bit intrigued already due to my constant search for new media to consume and review.

However, my dear friend @tairin helped seal the deal and officially put this particular piece onto my review bucket list, as a physical copy of the book (in Russian) was her present for my birthday last year. I read the book back then but, due to all the other reviews and personal life stuff, kept putting away this particular review.

Fortunately, I finally found free time to catch up on the piece and post it, so here we go.

Before we proceed, here’s a link for anyone who wants to download the book in English. As mentioned, it’s available in Russian too, but Russian-speaking members of my audience will need to purchase the epub or a physical copy to be able to read it. I’m not sure if it’s available in any other languages.

Also, this review is dedicated to @josefavomjaaga , @tairin and @frevandrest ! Okay, let’s. Fucking. Begin.

2. The Summary

“The Game of Hope” tells the story of Hortense de Beauharnais, Napoleon’s stepdaughter, and her coming of age journey, including crushes, rivalries, and her life at Madame Campan’s boarding school for girls.

Although I loathe Hortense with a passion, review material is review material and I was still intrigued by the premise, so let’s see how this premise plays out in the book!

3. The Story

Generally, I enjoy coming of age stories and YA novels and, luckily, this one is no exception. It is melodramatic, but it’s justified because Hortense is a teenager and a dramatic person, so her POV having melodrama is expected.

It’s a slice of life kind of story and most political events happen in the background but still realistically affect the characters, which is realistic and very neat!

Also, this is by far the only book where anti-Frev sentiments don’t give me an urge to flip the fuck out, since Hortense lost her father and almost lost her mother during Frev and is far too naive and young to understand politics! Of course she will think Frev is evil and of course she will believe that being noble would be enough to have her executed!

The pacing is great too. There are some time skips but the author clearly knew when to do them and when to slow down. Now complaints here.

If you are craving a story with typical teenage melodrama involving historical figures, then I guess it’s a book for you.

4. The Characters

I don’t like Hortense as a person here, but as a character she’s realistic and nuanced. She has the selfish and bratty nature that would stick way into adulthood, but she genuinely loves Eugene and her friends at the boarding school. Also her resentment towards her stepfather and the Bonaparte siblings is quite realistic, as from her point of view they’re just asses towards her mother for no reason.

Caroline Bonaparte starts off as a rude bitch (also thanks to Hortense incorporating her own bias), but luckily she becomes more and more nuanced along the way and becomes sort of a frenemy to Hortense. Caroline clearly doesn’t enjoy studying under Madame Campan and wants out of there. Perhaps due to my bias, or because we don’t see her POV, Caroline grew on me more than Hortense.

Eugene (I HAVE to mention him) appears later on in the story and, as expected, is an absolute cinnamon roll.

Josephine is idealized in the story by Hortense, but she isn’t flawless and keeps trying to find Hortense a husband in the beginning. However, she also helps Caroline and Joachim marry, which makes their treatment of her later on a fucking dick move.

Émilie, Hortense’s cousin and close friend, is slightly older and already married (not that unheard of back then), but is still a teenager going through the typical motions common for that age. She is more mature than Hortense and feels trapped in a loveless marriage with Captain Lavalette (no idea who that is).

Campan is very strict but genuinely cares about her students. I liked the part where she has The Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen attached to the back of a portrait of Marie-Antoinette and flips the portrait when inspection arrives. Simple, but quite clever!

5. The Setting

No complaints here! Gorgeous descriptions that are very much historically accurate, and Hortense’s POV is conveyed masterfully, which aids the story greatly.

6. The Writing

Simple yet beautiful, without diving too much into purple prose territory and doesn’t shy away from mentioning or implying normal things like periods or sex. I can sense some pearl clutching might happen, but personally I think these topics should be normalized so I don’t complain. Also, my copy graciously included translations of Italian phrases, which is doubly awesome!

7. The Conclusion

Overall, an excellent, overall accurate and believable story! I highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning more about Hortense or just looking for a Frev/Napoleonic coming of age story without too much action.

Alright, on this note, I’m concluding today’s meeting of Jacobin Fiction Convention. Stay tuned for updates, guys!

Love,

Citizen Green Pixel

[urimaginarygirlfriend]

hey marie!! how are you my love??

i miss you xx 🫂💗

hiii manny!!

i miss you too, i’m sure you’ve seen me subtly stalking your page every few days. i’ve got my first uni class starting on wednesday and i’m very nervous but also very excited. it’s an intro latin class and while i’m typically terrible with languages, i feel this will be different. no one here is studying classics but i am and i feel like i’ve already isolated myself.

also, i find it hard to eat 3 meals a day. just being on campus for the weekend has proven to me that i’d rather be productive or entertained than get up and eat a meal. it is very scary as someone whose always had body issues but never an ed. i don’t want uni to be the place where it starts (as much as i pretend to). i’ve bought some snacks to keep in my dorm but i also have tea and i’m worried it’s too effective at curbing hunger.

and finally, i’ve been thinking a lot about my art and my existence as an artist in general. i want to commit to being an artist. since i decided not to go to film school or study literature, i have to be serious if i ever want to be noticed. write and create obsessively as if i’d die without it. and i think following other artists on social media has been hurting me. because i just consume their content without creating any of my own. in joana rakoff’s memoir “my salinger year,” she works as literary agent. she spends so much time reading other people’s work that she forgot she was a writer herself. that’s slowly happening to me, in some weird way.

and i feel discouraged because no one is noticing me. not even my ‘so-called’ friends! they don’t watch my videos, they don’t read my short stories, and they sure as hell don’t watch the play that i took a lot of time recording and uploading so it’d be accessible. i feel like i’m doing all i can and just nothing is working. i’m a tree falling in a forest when no one is around…

i hope to submit to some literary magazines and screenplay/playwriting contests before the end of the year. maybe make another short film too that no one will watch. idk i just don’t know how to not stagnate. i know success isn’t overnight but i look at big creators and it feels like theirs is. or at least, they had some fans at the beginning. i’m literally starting from nothing.

i got accepted into a film program at the uni of edinburgh that only accepts 20-ish students per year. they wanted to take a chance on a weird american girl making weird art. i had to say no, but they chose me. before i clicked that reject button, i was someone. i was smart and cool and creative and worth something. they looked at me and thought i could go far with only a bit of guidance. now, i’ve got nothing. i’m an idiot with a camera in one of the worst cities in the whole US and i’m rotting away my life. do i still have the chance to be someone if there’s no one looking?

sorry if this got too deep and you didn’t read to the end. i’ve been writing about this in my diary for months with no one to tell because i wasn’t sure anyone cared. but i’m sure you care… right?

[more-than-tender-curiosity]

chester mckee 002? i wanna see your thoughts on him

1. He’s so much fun to work with because we are given nothing except like pale, feminine, respectful, fucking disregards his wife, and (“possibly”) sleeps with nick. You can say anything about this guy. And I sure do.

2. In general I don’t tend to ship him with anyone because I think he’s in a complicated relationship with Lucille and Catherine (neither of which satisfy him), but in Ghosting [SPOILER] he’s of course with nick. And in the remix, he’s with nick and jay.

3. Non romantically I want to see this man in a room with Jordan making fun of nick until he cries. Okay maybe not that far but I think they’d bond over being nick’s unexpected exes.

4. He’s a ginger. I dont. Know. Why they always cast him as this beatle ass motherfucker. I have spoken about the hair color bs before at length. Real ones know

5. So originally the mckees were the beckers, and wise ones know that ‘the Chester Beckers’ are in nick’s list of people who show up at jay’s party the week of July 5th and are from east egg. Bullshit. Chester you and your girls put down a fake name and had a blast. So basically I wish nick ran into chester again, because that would be after they met. OooOoooOooooh.

6. I guess nick if jay’s unavailable, like in ghosting. I think they’re good foils for each other because in my head nick was raised strictly and Very Hetero but chester’s family was a much chiller group who let him be himself.

7. Like do you guys think I consume other media at this point? What do you want me to say. Johnny the gorilla from the Sing franchise? Miss Vida Boheme from to wong foo thanks for everything julie newmar? Chester’s on his own if he’s not banging his way around 1920s nyc 😔

8. Oh I done spilled a lot of headcanon already. Uh. Yeah. Just to sum up, ginger Chester’s in an uncomfortable poly Thing with lucille and catherine and who knows who else. Uh. Chester and Tom went at it once? What. I. I dont know.

[missfckingfortune]

Hello, hello, hi!! 😼

I FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE I'M JUST AS BAD. Look at me, only sending you another message today 😫 It's been an absolutely crazy October so far, I cannot blame you for anything.

Oh, I agree with you on the farm with all the animals. I'm a firm "Elucien get at least one of every animal" believer. They're Noe.

Okay, no I get the terrible memory, that's ok 😌 I've never actually read CCity… Though ACOTAR also got me back into reading, so we're aligned in that way!

Okay, I'm actually adding John Krakauer onto my TBR. I love nonfiction and I love (as weird as that sounds, I suppose) reading about mountain and cave-realted tragedies. (I've spent so much time scouring the internet for spelunking stories.. As far as I'm concerned, nobody will ever make me enter a cave again.)

I love children's books! I was such a horse girl (like I'm not anymore), so I've read absolutely every possible horse-related series on the market. I still come back to them sometimes. I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold you off until December though, then I'll give you my favourites 😋

Questions for you now!

First of all, Miss Fckingfortune. If you would be so kind as to choose between some random things for me. Just go with the flow, don't overthink it too much.

Are you feeling long or short today?

2. Please pick a setting (imagining Elucien in the setting is highly encouraged):

The Zoo

The Hospital

The Country

The Paris Opera Ballet

A Michelin Restaurant

3. Nighttime, daytime, dawnbreak or dusk? (Which sounds suspicious but nooo it's not like that)

Some of these might be transparent but I think that's ok 😌 All answers are the right answer!

And, a very important question – How are you spending your Halloween this year?

I'm happy to hear you have more time for hobbies now! And I would never be disappointed in you. Love and peace, Santa 💌💌

Santa, you also like mountain tragedies? Harrowing tales of narrow escape? You'll love Krakauer. I find he's just a very compelling writer who could make almost anything interesting, and he just happens to choose interesting subject matter. Into Thin Air is really something.

Also, you're a horse girl? I AM VERY MUCH A HORSE GIRL. I got back from the barn a few hours ago, haha. As a child, I consumed as much horse-related media as I possibly could. Okay now onto you questions. 1) Long or short? Well, Santa. Whatever's easiest. Whatever strikes your fancy. 2) Setting Santa I can't choose. I'm going to pick two, and you can take it from there. Hospital or Country 3) time of day. I love all parts of the day- I particularly do like dawn and dusk though. So I'll go with that. Final answer. Santa, it was lovely to talk with you and learn more about you. I hope this help. Also, I hope you aren't stressed about this gift exchange. Don't sweat it. I'll leave cookies out no matter what.

[fandomfreak404]

Strangers, not for long (pt 2)

Summary: Harry is back after 3 months on tour where his thoughts were consumed on the mysterious girl he met on that seemingly mundane autumn day.

a/n: HEY! I’m back! I just wanted to say I’m honestly so grateful for the love on pt 1. It mightn’t seem like a lot but I genuinely didn’t think one person would read it so thank you!

t/w: trash writing, unedited, frustration i guess?

side note: heres pt 1

song: i imagine bloom later by jesse playing <3

word count: over 500 words

harry styles x reader

3rd person POV

It’s been three months. For three months, he found no trace of her. No social media. This made her more intriguing, to Harry’s detriment. For three months, he thought about their encounter. For three months, he carried around Love Is a Mixtape despite finishing it long before. For three months, he missed her, despite not knowing her.

He was now back in England, not far from where they met. But it was no use, he had visited that book shop countless of times and to no avail. He had wandered those aisles more times than he cared to admit, peeping through the gaps in the books hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

Now, he was here on a busy street in London, picking up a couple of things before visiting Anne, his mother. He decided it would be nice to pick her up some flowers so stepped into an unfamiliar, welcoming florists. The bell above the door tinkles. Déjà vu. The art on the wall is vibrant. Déjà vu. Her golden locks haunt him Déjà vu. But wait, this isn’t just any golden locks. These are her golden locks. Surer that ever, it’s the woman haunting his every waking moment, standing there, in an apron, bunching and nipping flowers. Surer than ever, she was the one.

Before he can back out, before he can stop himself, he says ‘I though you were going to recommend me that second book?’ She turns around and without waiting for a reply they walk toward each other and pull each other into the most passionate kiss either of them has ever experienced or ever will experience.

Y/n’s POV

It’s been three months. For three months I have found no trace of him. For three months my thoughts have been consumed by that curly mop. For three months I have stared at my copy of Love Is a Mixtape not being able to bring myself to read it again. I miss him, which i hate to admit because I’ve tried to convince myself I don’t. I barely know him.

Which frustrates me. Some celebrity that I barely know, who could probably turn out to be a player or a douchebag, I’m hung up on. Who is so present in my mind that I can’t even reread one of my favourite books. God. I’m pathetic. As I go through my spiral, I realise I’ve been taking it out on the flowers, nipping them furiously. I just begin to repair the damage when the bell goes off. However, I don’t turn around as most customers take a minute to browse.

I hear the customer walk in but they stop abruptly. Before I get the chance to turn around I hear a familiar voice say, ‘I thought you were going to recommend me that second book?’ That soothing voice. That voice that has occupied my dreams for three months. That voice I would know anywhere.

I snap my head around. The mop of curls I’d know anywhere. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m running towards him, dropping the flowers in the process, to capture him in the best kiss I’ve ever given or received. This is it. This is the feeling that I’ve been searching for my whole life.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Three Asks

It’s been a while since we answered some asks so today and maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, we’ll collect some and answer them since we’ve gotten while a few in the last two or three weeks.

In today’s post I picked out the three most recent asks we’ve received, two of which are ones I’d usually just delete because answering is pointless but one of them showcased a popular pattern so we decided to reply just this once. So this time around the questions are about Namjoon and Seokjin, next time we’ll do ones about Tae and Jimin (and vmin), and so on.

Ask 1 - Did Namjoon have to bring up the criticism he received in 2015/16 in the Juju Chang interview?

Ask 2 and 3 - questions from either diet solos (someone who isn’t quite a solo stan just yet but exhibits the same thought patterns as solos do) or full on solo stans.

From anon: So you must have seen their interview alongside the President right on a news show? Most of it was fine and I liked how involved they were especially JK, but a point Namjoon made is what I'm kinda dicey about. He addressed that they were called out for WoH lyrics but the thing is I'm not sure if it needed to be brought up. Especially in American media and the way they contextualize things..

Obviously he meant that they grew from it but not sure if that was the way to put it I guess?

I will admit, there aren’t many times when asks that get sent to us annoy me, but this one in conjunction with the absolute nonsense that took place about this on twt just made my blood boil. Let’s look at the question and answer so we have full context when it comes to the interview and then, after that, we’ll look at the greater context of why Namjoon saying what he did is significant and a big deal.

Juju Chang: You guys are an all male band and, let’s face it, Korea, historically, has been a very male dominated culture and yet here at the UN one of the core values in Sustainable Development is educating women and having gender equality. You have a lot of female fans. What would you say to them about gender equality and working towards that?

Namjoon: Personally, I received a lot fo criticism regarding misogyny in 2015 and 2016, which led me to get my lyrics reviewed by a women’s studies professor. That experience, in turn, was an opportunity for me to self-reflect and question whether I’d been insensitive toward gender equality. I want to do the best I can to take interest in the topic, learn and make improvements. That’s my perspective now. 

Namjoon used a personal story as framework to showcase that even someone like him, a man in a position of power/influence from a country which, as the interviewer explained, is very male dominated can learn, grow and, in the long run, contribute to change. It takes tremendous bravery to do something like this, to not only admit that you made such a mistake, but also to take it and grow from it, take the time to reflect and strive to better yourself to never repeat it again. And also talk about doing so not only during an international broadcast but also while your own president sits right there next to you.

Perhaps there are a relatively big number of countries in the west where equality is much closer to being a reality, where it is a core value to respect woman, one that you are raised with, but here the context was specifically BTS and their background, their country and their culture. From K-ARMY we know that things have taken a turn for the worse in Korea when it comes to women’s rights and the behavior of men toward them, how feminism is treated essentially as a dirty word and you will get hunted down for using it or for behaving in a feminist manner. Namjoon himself was placed on some list made by misogynists labeling him as a dirty, dirty feminist. The same men who even went after the military to get them to stop using a hand gesture which could, if you really want to, be used to make fun of a man for a small d*ck. In polls men in their 20s and 30s have voted being against feminism and I don’t mean just like 10 or 20% of voters, but rather 50-70%, even some presidential candidates have apparently been revealed as anti-feminists.

Circling back to Namjoon, having this context, do you now get why it was a big thing for him to say this, why it makes him a role model and why it was important to do so? Besides this isn’t just about the WoH lyrics which, to be frank, were never an actual issue but instead were made into one (the line I know that usually get’s brought up most is “The girls are equations, and us guys are solutions” which, if you think about it, actually means that boys and girls are equal since 2+5=7, the equation and the solution are the same, and also the song is satire about hormonal boys and their behavior which people have decided to ignore for the sake of sitting on their high horses instead). Namjoon wasn’t even the only member credited for the lyrics yet he took the blame upon himself, used this to better himself even though we know 2015 was an extremely dark time for him. But he is the leader, he took responsibility and he grew from it. He stands as example of how change is possible even in a country that is male dominated and misogynistic.

From anon: Reading your post about My universe I can’t but be heavy hearted. 

It’s such a beautiful song but Jin not having almost any lines ruined the experience for me. He deserves so much more than being a mere backup vocal. Same goes to Jimin but I’m not as effected as Jin, since we’ve all seen a pattern there. 

We know the boys decide collectively decide LD and how it fits their personalities and voices but I can’t but feel icky about Dynamite, not today, BS&T and now MY. 

I truly hope this doesn’t continue and BH decides to respect Jin more as an artist. He’s one of the biggest reasons the group is where it is now.

Though I can’t say with 100% certainty that this comes from someone that has consumed too much solo stan “content”, it does very much feel like it and the only reason why I’m even answering this is that I’d like to highlight something, a pattern we've seen a million times over for years now in regard to line distribution but that is even more glaring and flawed in this case, after we’ve seen how My Universe was recorded:

“We know the boys collectively decide” and yet “and BH decides to respect Jin more”, with this you’re basically saying that you know all the members, including Seokjin, are involved BUT since giving him and the others slack for it would make you look bad, you instead throw blame at BH, which in this case had no say in the line distribution. That choice was Christ Martin’s to make. If you already complain about line distribution, at least have the guts to direct your hate at the people you just said yourself make the choice--the members. Solos already belittle Seokjin’s efforts as it is, and constantly demand an acting debut of him which basically, to me, just comes across as them wanting him to act because they don’t value his singing and music, so would it be really that farfetched for them to also hate on him for, what, not speaking up and demanding more to satisfy you?

Seokjin was so happy and excited while recording My Universe, while meeting Chris Martin, someone he’s admired and been a fan of for so long. He gave his best while recording and sounded absolutely marvelously, and yet instead of celebrating him, his voice, and what we do hear of him, you just focus on the negatives.

BH isn’t perfect by any means, don’t even try to come into our asks calling me a company stan or whatever because I’m far from it, but in this case they had nothing to do with it. Coldplay and Chris Martin did. We saw all the members record the chorus, and we heard it, we saw and heard Seokjin sing absolutely beautifully and get praise for it, and we saw how happy this collab has made him. Why can’t you just let this be a happy time, why must you immediately search for things to be negative about?

Would I have liked so hear more of his voice on My Universe? Obviously, I even said as much in my post about the song. I love Seokjin and his voice a lot, he is my bias wrecker for a reason. But the song has already happened, been recorded, mastered, and released. What will a negativity parade change? What? Absolutely nothing except for make him feel bad because you can’t just say “Seokjin did amazingly, I love his voice”, no, you have to go around yelling “OMG he is being cut from the song because BH hates him”. What does that do for him? Like really, tell me, because I don’t get it.

And if my opinion isn’t valid enough for you, it is, after all, just an opinion, take Seokjin’s opinion about the collab instead:

Or asks such as this one:

From anon: I honestly can’t wait for Seokjin to go solo one day. Go where he’s appreciated for his talents and musicality, not cuz he’s just a “hyung” or “comic relief” or “WWH”.

Where, tell me, has he ever expressed an interest in going solo? No, I’m serious, where, because all I know is that he is happy with his members, with what he does, that he enjoys making music and getting more involved than he used to. Just the other day during the interview with Juju Chang he spoke about how he misses the old times where he could go for soju and food with Yoongi to spend some time together.

And just a few years before that Yoongi said that Seokjin has been good from the beginning, and there are tons of other examples of the members praising Seokjin in terms of his voice and musicality. When he was going through burnout last year, Bang PD encouraged him to channel his thoughts and feelings into music, recommended him a producer he thought work well with him, and Seokjin said it really did help him. And we got Abyss as result from it all, a gorgeous and raw song. 

Yes, he gets praise for being a good hyung, because guess what, he is a good hyung. Maybe for you that’s not good enough, but he’s proud of it, has always taken the fact that he’s the eldest seriously even when goofing around with his members. How is that a bad thing?

Seokjin loves his members and they love him. Seokjin loves ARMY and we love him back tenfold. Just because solos hate the members and aren’t satisfied with Seokjin, how is that my issue or even his? If you’re a genuine fan of his, support his hard work, support all his contributions to BTS’ music, their performances, their dancing, and everything else. Because he is part of BTS regardless if you like it or not, and as far as we are aware, he doesn’t plan on changing that any time soon, or at all. 

[vicholas]

Odd Taxi speculation, heavy spoilers. I’m just brainstorming a little here.

WHODUNNIT.

Possibilities:

1. Sakura AKA Mitsuya 2:

Arguments in favor:

Was the fourth girl chosen for the group and the immediate choice for replacement if a member went missing and she knew it

Said she kept contact with Yamamoto during the time after she was rejected

Didn’t seem faced with Mitsuya’s disappearance (to be fair she barely knew her, but she’s super calm about it)

Had no problem with taking Mitsuya’s identity, in fact she seems kinda enthusiastic to take her identity (this reminds me of Perfect Blue lmao more on that later)

Didn’t seem faced with the fact that Mitsuya was found dead

Has some mysterious connection with Tanaka that hasn’t been explained and while that’s not really related it certainly makes me think there’s more to her than it seems

Seems pretty slick

Arguments against:

None I can think of...?

Actually yeah, one, idk how she’d knew where Mitsuya would be and how she’d enter the building

2. Yamamoto:

Arguments in favor:

Seemed to want Nikaido to be the center of the group as well

Was there around the scene of the crime

Quickly believed Nikaido’s innocence

Mitsuya might have called him to tell him that Nikaido asked her to reunite with her, where and when it was going to happen, probably because Mitsuya was scared or something

Had the yakuza on his phone and calling them was his first thought

Someone else pointed it out but Yano’s guess of how Mitsuya was murdered was by choking and so far the only physical ability Yamamoto has shown and his immediate method of trying to kill someone was trying to choke Odokawa with his belt

Arguments against:

He really doesn’t have a strong reason to do it, I can’t think of anything.

He pretty much gains nothing from the whole thing, actually it’s mostly negative consequences, and he should have known it would have been that way if he was going to have to make a deal with the Yakuza.

The deal is that Yano takes half of the earnings of Mystery Kiss and gets to use the girls in whatever way he wants, I really don’t know what Yamamoto gains from this.

I feel the reason both he and Nikaido didn’t want to report the crime was because they wanted to continue the group no matter what. Yamamoto seems genuinely passionate about making the group work. So doing all this, knowing it could end badly and that it’d have such big costs with no rewards doesn’t really make sense to me...? 

3. Imai:

Arguments in favor :

Would have wanted Nikaido to be the center of the group and I feel he’d be willing to kill for her lmao

This would link the plot of the bank robbery and the murder wooow it’s all connected

OK I’m gonna get meta here and in fact most of my arguments for Imai are meta, but I’m a bit intrigued by how he doesn’t have much going for him. He’s a nice guy and he’s involved in the lottery thing, that’s it. There ARE unambiguously nice characters in the show like Baba or Taeko, but Imai intrigues me since he’s gonna be a main player in the climax of the show yet he hasn’t shown any depth, and for the next reason:

Characters with obsessions in the show have been depicted with how those obsessions have consumed them in one way or another and made them either self-destructive or just destructive. Kabasawa’s social media obsession was self-destructive. Tanaka’s gacha obsession was self-destructive and destructive. Kakihana’s obsession with getting laid was self-destructive and predatory. Nikaido and Yamamoto’s obsession with trying to make Mystery Kiss keep going no matter had big consequences against them. Then there’s Imai, whose main, biggest defining trait is that he’s a big idol fanboy, and he’s obsessed to the point of spending all his money on trying to win the lottery just so he can keep buying idol stuff. It’s a bit weird how this has been portrayed so far very neutrally. The show pulled no punches on the realities of many things, many characters are hiding something, I feel Imai might be more than meets the eye.

Arguments against:

I have no idea if he knew that Nikaido wouldn’t be the center or how he’d get to the building or know where Mitsuya would be

He seems kinda dumb to commit a crime, but it might an act?

My personal guess it was both Sakura AND Imai. I really don’t think Yamamoto did it.

I mentioned that Sakura wanting to take over Mitsuya’s identity reminds me of Perfect Blue, Imai’s idol obsession also kinda reminds of it. I feel they’re going that route. I can imagine them working together.

Or maybe not and he’s just a normal fanboy lmao who knows I’m just brainstorming here

[raayllum]

Why do some people ship raydia? I don't want to be disrespectful and I have nothing against the people who ship them, but I don't understand why there are people who ship them, most of their interactions on the show are negative and part of that I don't think their personalities fit particularly well together, the only reason I can see to ship them is that Claudia said Rayla's braid was cute.

So I started typing out a longer reply to this and accidentally closed the window, so we’re gonna do a spark notes edition of it to the best of my ability. Quick disclaimer: I can see / do ship Raydia on Claudia’s side post-hypothetical redemption, but having it requited on Rayla’s side makes me feel personally uncomfortable. So I 0.5 ship it, I suppose? 

If anyone who does fully ship it (or ships it on Rayla’s side; I think tht would be fascinating as it’s the opposite to where I sit) or thinks I’ve missed something / gotten something wrong, please let me know / feel free to weigh in! These are just my best guestimates from a somewhat outside perspective.

3 Main Reasons People Ship Raydia (as far as I can tell):

#1) It’s Gay. 

As a queer person, I’ve never understood or shipped like this, but as always, personal preference rules all. I did briefly consider the ship pre-s1, but was still initially put off bc it was the biggest ship in the fandom at the time, and a lot of the content then boiled down to “Omg we’re girls who are gay uwu” and that’s just... never been enough to sell me on a ship. I prefer focusing on a strong story and racial rep > queer rep in the media I consume, with queer rep being a bonus. That being said, pre-show, I did get the appeal: around the same age, Rayla was always my favourite, I don’t mind enemies to friends to lovers when it’s well done, and they had nice complementary character designs. (I’ll talk about why canon killed it for me as a ship later). 

I also totally get reading personal experiences, particularly queer ones, onto characters when I feel like it adds a deeper layer to how I’m interpreting them, i.e. aspec headcanons for Rayllum, or sapphic headcanons for Claudia. I do both and they do contribute to my understanding of the character, but with Rayla, I just don’t personally think about the gender of her partner as something that Matters in terms of adding any sort of understanding I personally have of her character. But I also don’t tend to think about gender in general (it’s my pan, agenderness showing) in my ships, like, ever? Some people - particularly lesbians and queer people/women - always go for femslash or gay shipping in their fandom for one reason or another, and pre-Janai/Amaya, Raydia was the only option. (See also: people shipping Soren/Runaan before ages were revealed for similar “It’s Gay enemies to lovers” reasons before backpedaling super hard.)

But yeah, this was one of the early reasons, and I like to think it’s not the only one.

#2) They don’t ship either of them with Callum.

Now, I’m the opposite of this, as I ship both of them with Callum in different ways and different intervals, but I do generally lean towards Callum/Claudia staying Friends > romance longterm in order for them to feel fulfilled as individuals. I’ve also spoken pretty extensively before about the value in Platonic Rayllum (and queerplatonic Rayllum), so while I’ve shipped them from the very start, I do understand why some people genuinely prefer them or would’ve preferred for them to stay friends rather than friends and lovers. I will admit I can’t think of any reason, personality wise, to think that Callum and Rayla don’t mesh as partners (whereas I can do the same for Rayla/Claudia and Callum/Claudia) but again, if anyone wants to chime in, I am happy / open to hearing it. 

#3) Claudia’s redemption arc

This was the second or biggest appeal, I think, and what eventually made me ship it on Claudia’s end. A lot of people after s1 fell in love with Claudia’s goofy, sweeter side that s2 showed a lot more cracks in, and they wanted that nicer side to be brought to the forefront. Hence why the “cute braid though” was fixated on and Claudia’s “vile bloodthirsty elven assassin” was ignored. They wanted Claudia to see the error of her father’s ways and grow to be a happier, healthier person, and saw Rayla as the avenue of that arc happening. I definitely saw sentiments of people wanting Rayla to “save” Claudia from Viren’s manipulation. 

Another quick disclaimer: I don’t think characters having majority of negative interactions is a reason to not ship them (i.e. I shipped Janai/Amaya in S2, and I also ship Azula/Aang from ATLA), because shipping can be a lot about the potential of the characters. For Azula/Aang, decades post-war, the main draw of the ship is the work Azula would have to do to even get there in terms of having feelings. However, I’m not a fan of one character being the one who gets another character to a place where they’re Healthy, especially if there’s repeated onesided brutality and dehumanization consistently on the way there.

AKA while I do enjoy the thought of Claudia catching feelings for Rayla post her redemption, I don’t like the idea of Rayla having anything to do with getting Claudia there. The closest I’ve come is my fic “if heaven and hell decide,” where by virtue of being around each other, Rayla slowly chips away at Claudia’s prejudices, but Rayla doesn’t save her from them, and Rayla has no interest in doing so. It’s not Rayla’s Problem to fix that Claudia repeatedly dehumanizes her, in fic and in canon all throughout s1 and s2. 

Rayla is a very compassionate and forgiving person at her core, but she also does have a lot of self-respect, and is very blunt when it comes to how people treat her, especially when she feels like they’re in the wrong for it. (When she doesn’t, like the Silvergrove, that’s another matter entirely.) ie. holding Callum accountable for hurting her feelings (unintentionally) in 1x04, “Enough almost killing me,” in 1x05, her general mistrust towards Soren and Claudia in S2, how pissed she gets at Callum for doing dark magic even one time to save her and a dragon (which was her original goal). So yeah, Claudia would definitely have to not be a dark mage for Rayla to willingly give her the time of day, remotely, to start with, and Claudia, even as of s1 (as I always liked and saw her more disturbing side present in that season) is a Very Long ways from. 

Again, I can see the appeal of Claudia liking Rayla post-redemption arc. It means the redemption arc happens, she lets go of her father and comes back to her brother, she realizes her father is wrong, she stops being a dark mage, and would become a happier healthier person. The concept of Raydia on Claudia’s side is full of nothing but positives. (We’ll talk more personality wise down below). What I struggle with, and what I’ve done my best to drum up, is what Rayla gains from a relationship with Claudia, on a conceptual level. 

If you had a Rayla who was never friends with the boys, you could posit she’d learn humans weren’t all bad - but that’s what she learns, incredibly quickly, from the boys in the span of 1-3 episodes. Not the seasons long arc Claudia would need to realize elves are People that three seasons hasn’t already accomplished. So that route is out. You could also have Rayla realizing dark magic isn’t all ‘Bad,’ but given her response to s2 and that she’s closer to being spell parts than most of the main cast, I think that’s highly unlikely and even detrimental to her character, so that’s out. You could argue Rayla would get the neat conceptual understanding of someone who was also told to do terrible things by a parent they wanted to please, and the path of atonement when you break away from that... But again, it’s not anything that Rayla can’t already get from her canonical friendship with Soren. 

Conceptually, Rayla needs to learn that fear/emotions are not weakness and that humans aren’t bad. Rather than continue the cycle of violence, she wants to break it. She accomplishes these things through her relationship with Ezran and Callum, by being emotionally open with them, seeing their kindness, and them helping / inspiring her to end the Cycle: “But you saw he was a person, just like you” / “Who told you that?” “You did.” Post-S3 and “Through the Moon,” Rayla needs to learn to not give into her fear and that her life has value. But Claudia, entering the way she does in the show with the worldview she does, can’t provide any of what she needed to learn in the first arc of the show, and will likely view Rayla as spell parts or an enemy for s4 (and possibly s5), which is the opposite of Valuing Rayla’s life.

So conceptually, on Rayla’s side, I can’t think of anything Unique Claudia would bring to the table, but I may not be not seeing something. Again, please point it out! 

Why would the ship work personality wise?

This might feel a lil redundant, but there are similarities Claudia shares with Callum: intelligence, love of magic, resourcefulness, goofy nature that Rayla all appreciates in Callum. Rayla could even appreciate the way that Claudia tends to be very Prepared for things, as Callum is a bit more spontaneous and Rayla also likes to have a gist of things in mind. Assuming a redemption arc wouldn’t get rid of all of Claudia’s passivity, Rayla could also appreciate a partner who waits her out when it comes to opening up whereas Callum tends to nudge more, if Rayla is at a stage where she doesn’t need the nudging anymore. 

It’s harder here to say what Claudia would appreciate about Rayla, as I don’t think her physicality or morality would be there and those are two of the most important things about her (that Callum arguably appreciates the most), but I could bet on forgiveness and compassion, as I’ve previously alluded to, that would also be necessary for her and Claudia to even be together.

I also want to take a second to talk about core wounds and patterns. Rayla responds to grief by being Actively a Protector, which usually amounts to Leaving First so she can’t be left. Claudia responds to grief/loss by passivity and Inaction, Preferring to Be Abandoned rather than abandon someone else. Again, who knows how much a redemption arc or more growth would change these patterns, but currently we’re looking at a situation that would turn into: Rayla is afraid, Rayla runs, this reaffirms Claudia’s own negative pattern, and she just shuts down and lets Rayla ‘choose’ for both of them no questions asked, leaving both girls to flounder. 

Other Notes:

Sometimes, people ship things just because they’re cute. Or because they’re interested in the potential of the pairing rather than what it currently is.

Meta with a section where I talk more about Claudia and Rayla from a personality standpoint here. Meta about Claudia and Rayla’s relationship in general including some foil stuff here (although I do want to do a full foil breakdown for them sometime soon), in case anyone is interested in reading more about these two.

[marumafan]

A Guide For Yuuram Fans

Hello fellow yuuram fan! Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

- Does Yuuri like Wolf? - No, but I mean like "Does he REALLY like Wolf?" - Am I getting invested just to find out it's clickbait? - Is Yuuri ever going to accept Wolf's feelings? - Does Yuuri like guys? - Will they get married or not?

You have questions? I have source material-backed answers!

The Basics

First, you need to understand that there's a variety of so-called canons. There's an anime canon, a manga canon, a drama cd canon, a musical canon, and then some other random things that you can't really call canon but exist: such as games, radio shows, tv stuff not written by the author, etc.

All of these canons and non-canon stuff are fine, and you can enjoy them as much as you want, but they're NOT the source material. Source material are only the novels and stories that have been written by Takabayashi-sensei (anything in written form and some dramas also written by her according to interviews).

Takabayashi-sensei is the author of the novels (the source material out of which everything else is derived), and her word is "god's word". By the way, she used this term to refer to herself in regards to the maruma series, I'm not fangirling, but using terminology she herself used.

Please understand that most of the material that isn't 'source material' has been altered in many ways to appeal to a 'larger audience' (manga and drama cds), or to make it palatable to the more homophobic society of the 2000s (in the case of the anime). When the anime began social media didn't exist. And when the anime ended (in 2009), social media was in its infancy. That's how long ago these media were adapted from source material.

The Fandom

The fandom has influenced the source material itself at times (such as Conrad fans throwing a hissy fit when he died in novel 5 to the point that Takabayashi-sensei had to resurrect him and change who the key was and many other plot points since then). Certain shippers still force sensei's hand to write fanservice here and there, and despite that, one thing has been clear from the beginning:

Takabayashi-sensei's 'main couple' is the one she got engaged back in novel 1: Yuuri and Wolf, the royal couple.

The Bias

Before we get into the thick of this, let's take a moment to understand bias. I'm sure that if you're reading this far into this you really like yuuram and don't have a problem with homosexuality, boys love, etc. (I use yuuram to mean the royal couple: Yuuri and Wolf, nothing to do with 'who's on top' or anything like that, just a name for the ship with these two characters).

Despite that, anyone reading this has been born and raised in a highly hetero-normative society where if a girl so much looks at a boy she must be into him, and vice-versa.

Who can forget the "He was a boy, She was a girl, Can I make it any more obvious" lyrics of the 2000s? Same applies to 'ships' all across the board.

If any, and I mean any 'boy-girl' relationship was 10% of what the yuuram relationship is, there wouldn't be a single doubt that those two are in love, dating, married, and living happily ever after.

But when it comes to Yuuri and Wolf it feels like pulling teeth to get people to accept that they’re in a relationship. I blame mostly the anime for including weird non-canon ideas into fans minds, as well as heteronormative societies.

Please don’t be this person:

Finally, please take a moment to read THIS as an introduction to my next section.

The Royal Couple

Begin by forgetting everything you consumed from other canons (TV, manga, fanfics) if you truly want to appreciate the Royal Couple in its source material form.

1) Romantic interest

The source material has made Yuuri very interested in Wolfram since the very beginning. Of course, at first, he was only interested in Wolfram's physical appearance. But the more he got to know Wolfram the more he cared about him and the less he cared about his physical appearance.

To get a full picture of how madly he falls for Wolf, you need to read the novels, but here are some excerpts to illustrate my point:

How it started:

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 1

"Even if our bodies are evenly matched, when I just glanced up, I've already been defeated. How can he be this beautiful! (どうよ、この美しさ！) At the same time, his head is emitting an aura. Although it's likely that it seemed that way because of his dazzling blond hair. His looks and voice are like an older Vienna chorus boy. His white skin seems transparent, and his irises are an emerald green that make me think of the bottom of a lake, and furthermore he doesn't have a split chin. He's an angel, definitely an angry angel. However, because he's in this place, he's probably a beautiful demon."

-> Yuuri writes a fucking sonnet in his head about Wolf's beauty when they meet.

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 10

 From the far side of the corridor, the blond with wavy hair comes running. The intense navy blue uniform suits him; the mazoku Prince Wolfram. I muttered in a sigh 'Although he's a man, he's this beautiful, Günter'.

-> Yuuri complains to Gunter that Wolf is too beautiful.

How it's going:

Source: Novel 17, Chapter 7

"Those words hurt me deeply inside my heart, a pain as though I was burnt in an instant. Because I had an experience like that, in which I nearly lost the most important person to me, just because he was wearing someone else’s clothes."

-> Yuuri calling Wolfram his most important person, code in the maruma series for person you're in love with.

Source:  Do you want an exorcism? 2 (post novel 17)

"And because of that rich VARIETY in the configuration, mazoku is more an ethnicity than a race.

You have from kotsuhizoku, kotsuchizoku, and bone fish who are living creatures, even though they are just bones, to the seasonal migrating tribe of half-humanoid, half-fish maidmer princesses. As for the humanoid ones, there are regular looking ones like me or Conrad, but there are also some who are super beautiful like Günter or Wolfram............. as for the last one, this is just a little bit of my own personal bias, but it makes no difference if he's beautiful or not."

-> Yuuri saying that the beauty he went head over heals in novel 1 for, doesn't matter to him anymore because of his 'personal bias'

Source: Misepan 2: (post novel 17, arguably the last story written near the release of the novels)

"If I was in trouble, and I was missing something important. And you had one that was exactly the same ...."

"I'd lend it to you, of course"

I thought about this, literally with my hands on his chest. In fact, with my hand, that was pressed against his chest, I could feel that the speed of my partner's and my heartbeat was the same. Anyone would get blood rushing to their brains when they're seriously thinking about something. When I could calm down a little, I let out a small sigh.

"Or rather, when it comes to things that I can give you, I would give you anything, Wolf."

-> Yuuri tells Wolfram he would give him anything in the world.

2) Sexual interest:

-There are several times when the source material implies that Yuuri and Wolf don't just sleep at night.

Again, please remember that in the novels Greta does not sleep with Yuuri and Wolfram. This was a TV addition to appease homophobic minds. In fact, in the novels, Yuuri forbade Greta from sleeping with them because she's 'too old'. Also source material Greta is rarely in Shin Makoku as she's studying abroad half the time.

Source:  Novel 2- Chapter10

"If I leave it up to you, it will never get settled."

"So, what kind of settlement do you want...?" My voice trails off as he sways his hips closer.

The former mazoku prince's face brightens and he pulls me down by the arm.

"Wah!"

"So you finally feel like settling things!?"

"I don't ~"

I'm scared to think about what sort of settlement this is. I'm not going to lose my life or anything, but I do feel like there's something else I'm going to lose. I desperately extract myself, fly into the bathroom and lock the door.

"Yuuri!"

"Wait wait wait! I gotta take a bath first, okay!? You don't wanna do it with a sweaty guy, right!?"

Do it...? I blanch at my own words.

-> Yuuri's subconscious is clearly working against him.XD It looks like Yuuri doesn't want to lose the v-card yet (he barely knows Wolf at this point), but he still says  to Wolf he should take a bath before they do it. Gambare, Yu-chan

Source: Novel 4 - Chapter 1

-> Yuuri and Wolfram have been sleeping together for 3 months at the beginning of novel 4! Please! If this was a guy and girl you wouldn't be wondering what they're doing! He has a lock on the door! He can keep Wolf out , order him out, but he never does. Don’t be the gray haired lady!

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1

- "As a measure against Wolfram, who somehow even on our trips sleeps in the same bed as I do, I made a wall with three pillows which also had cute egg shaped buttons. I tucked my shirt into my pants, so that my stomach wouldn't get cold. After all, in the mornings when I woke up, both my clothes and my sleeping posture were always preposterous."

-> Yuuri says he puts some pillows to avoid getting into the weird sleeping postures and getting his clothes messed up and shirt untucked, but he never thinks of 'not sleeping with Wolf'~

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1 (same book as last)

- "While watching Wolfram's cheeks get red in excitement, a surprised Josak swallowed the question" You even sleep together when you're out on a trip?".

-> Even Jozak (the spy who's supposed to know everything) seems surprised that they're "sleeping together all the time". They're clearly hiding it from people.

Source: Maru maru maruMA-  (book with series info and interviews)

Takabayashi-sensei replied to a question about Yuuri and Wolfram and what would happen once they get married... and she said it clearly: They'll have sex.

("Please answer my maruma question", maru maru maruMA)

Source: SS: Murakenzu 2018-11-13 (Paper 1 accompanying cd72) "Yeah, my father was talking about it, and she's still being called 'Gokumi', huh? At any rate, even if he was smiling way too much, his footsteps started to sound louder and faster as he got farther away. In that moment we thought: Eh? Is it that bad? Maybe they saw something while we were sleeping, or rather, maybe they took peeping photographs and want to do something bad with them."

"Rather than while you were sleeping, before going to sleep?"

"You mean like, when I do practice baseball swings naked or something?"

"Yeah, naked practice."

"Or maybe like, a picture of Wolf's butt when he's wearing his sexy negligee or something?"

"Ah! If a picture of it peeking out is released it would be bad, huh?"

"Then, I suddenly realized that "secret" might just be a hook. In other words, those trick titles that often appear in sports newspapers."

"Yes, yes."

-> Yuuri talks about Wolfram's butt showing as a common place and about himself being completely naked doing 'baseball practice' in the room with Wolf, whatever that may mean.

3) Illustrations

The 4 wedding pictures. Yuuri and Wolfram have been illustrated as married four times by the series' illustrator:

1  | 2  | 3 |  4 

And I like to add this fifth one (used in There's Valentine's Day in Shin Makoku!? DVD special), since in the black and white version, there's a comment by Takabayashi-sensei that says: "With this we've finally won against the anime team! ", meaning they beat them to the wedding. 

4) Terminology

Yuuri and Wolf are referred to in tweets by Takabayashi-sensei, GEG-san and Temari-sensei as the Royal Couple (ロイカプ). The author, editor and illustrator all know already what they are and that's why they call them that.

More information:

Please, please read the source material. But if you won't, at least read some of the analyses I've made to find out more about yuuram. Yuuram is here, it’s canon, and their ship has sailed a long time ago, in novel 1. They were always meant to end up together and they have. (”The dream ending” was how the author wanted yuuram to end, happily married). This isn't clickbait, or fanwork. The author likes the Royal couple and will see that they end up together no matter what.

Additional information:

Yuuram in novel: 1 |2 |3 |4 |5 |6 |7 |8 |9 |10 |11 |12 |13 |14 |15 |16 |17  

* Novel Analysis:  Crossheart and Love Letter

* Novel Analysis:  Misepan2

* Novel Analysis: Do you want an exorcism?

* Bias in KKM: English version of KKM

* Novel Analysis: Yuuri confessing to Wolf (w/quotes)

* Novel Analysis: Physical and mental development in mazoku

* Novel Analysis:  Yuuri and Wolfram’s daily routine (with quotes) 

* Novel facts: No mpreg in Shin Makoku (I get asked a lot)

[det-loki]

poison & wine part two

 “I don’t have a choice, but I’d still choose you.”

warnings: angst, cursing, slight smut, talk of death/kidnapping

pairing: detective loki x fem reader

word count: 3,213

A/N: feedback is welcomed, enjoy!

1  ⌽   3  4  5  6

  You and Loki arrived at the aunt’s house later that night. You followed Loki through the hall as he spoke to Holly Jones about Alex. You observed her simple home trying to find any lead as she watched Loki look through Alex’s room, taking interest in a toy RV. Walking into her home was like walking into a time capsule, everything seemed old and outdated. So far, you had nothing, not a single thing.

Opening the passenger car door of the old Crown Vic, you huffed as you sat down in the seat, hand coming up to your face trying to wipe away the exhaustion. Beside you, Loki sat still, watching you as your mind run rampant. He wished more than anything that he could take away your grievances. He hated what this town did to you, what this case was doing to you. You deserved better than this. Better than this town and better than him. 

“Let’s go home, get some rest, visit the parents in the morning. We can’t solve a case when both of us can barely stand, let alone think. I have a feeling this case is going to be tough.” You didn’t have the energy to respond, only nodding as Loki put the car in reverse and changing gears into drive, pulling onto the road towards your shared home. His hand found yours, intertwining on top of your thigh, his thumb brushing across the back of your hand. You wished this was easy, going to work and being able to leave it at the door. Your life with Loki was complicated, some days you were madly in love, others you were just coworkers. You hoped tonight you were in love, you didn’t think you could keep your head above the rising water of emotions if you weren’t.

The warm water cascaded over your back, unthawing your chilled bones as you heard the shower curtain open. Loki’s calloused hand finding its place on your hip, pulling you against his chest. His head dropped to the crook of your neck, lips moving along your shoulder as his fingers wandered from your hip to the space between your legs, murmuring in your ear, “Hey baby.” The soft circles he made sent pleasure through your body, softly whimpering as you leaned further back into his embrace and melted. You needed this. Needed the feeling of comfort and pleasure even if it was just 5 minutes out of the 24 hours in a day. Loki was more than happy to give it to you without the expectation of receiving it. He knew you needed this, needed to feel the overwhelming feeling of his hands, his scent, him. Tonight you were in love, managing to keep each other from crumbling apart and running down the drain. 

Neither you nor David slept well that night. Beside you, David tossed and turned and you couldn’t get your brain to turn off. Two little girls were out there missing and you were trying to sleep in a warm bed next to someone you loved. It wasn’t fair. You counted the days it had been since it happened. You lost count after 2,500, the years and days blurring together. 

Morning came faster than you liked. The clock read 6:14 A.M., mocking you. You could hear the shower running, you were sure David had been awake much longer than you, he rarely slept through the night. You knew he didn’t need to shower, thoughts of the previous night floated through your head. He was only doing it to wake up and mentally prepare himself for the day. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, standing and making your way to the kitchen. You needed coffee. 

Sitting on the couch in the living room with your mug in hand, fingers gripping the handle much harder than you needed, knuckles flexing white. You watched the news display information about the case of the two missing girls with bleary eyes. You had written the media release last night which was now being played all across the state. David emerged from your shared bedroom, kissing the top of your head as he walked past you. He had on fresh clothes, his blue button-up fastened up to his neck like normal, his dark circles more pronounced, eyes already tired. You, on the other hand, opted for something more comfortable, not having the capacity to care about your appearance as much as you normally would, a basic sweater and slacks, face void of any makeup, only leftover mascara the shower didn’t wash away. This case had your full attention. 

"This morning we'll go by the parents. I can do the talking. You can stay in the car if you need to." David looked at you softly as he sat next to you on the sofa, bringing your sock clad feet to his lap, fingers working the tender muscle. Cases with children were always the worst, tension findings its way into every muscle in your body. Especially with your background. David didn't want to see you spiral, he would do anything to save you even if it meant jeopardizing himself in the process. He had done it before and he would do it again. You were his person, the only one in his life that knew enough to be considered more than acquaintances. You knew his coffee order by heart, how he hated nutmeg, refused to wear gloves even when the weather permitted them. It gave him the excuse to shove his ice-cold hand against your neck just to hear you laugh. You also knew the deep dark depths of what made him who he was. The boys home, the priests, the lack of familial support, the illegal activities he used to take part in. You were literally and figuratively his everything. It was always you and Loki against everything. 

"No, I'm fine. I'll be okay, Loke." Loke. The nickname you gave him at the delicate age of 14 when you met him. It wasn't special by any means, anyone could have come up with it themselves, but when it came out of your mouth, it meant everything to David. 

"Okay, but if you need a break, you have to tell me, baby." Your heart physically aches at Loki's words. He would save you from any cliff even if he was tumbling over with you. 

You look up from your mug at him with a soft smile on your face that didn't quite reach your eyes, "Same goes for you."

Loki pulled up to the Birch's home as you take a deep breath, attempting to calm yourself. Your stomach was clenching in pain, a knot in your throat, choking you. At least it wasn’t raining today.

"Y/N, you can stay in the car if you need to." David was worried about you. He knew you like the back of his hand. Hell, you were literally tattooed on the back of his hand. Your zodiac symbol etching itself on his ring finger knuckle so many years ago, his version of committing himself to you. A month after the funeral.

 "I'm fine, David." He nodded, wanting to believe you as you both exited the car, walking towards the Birch family's front door. Each step taking entirely too much energy. 

After three quick knocks, Franklin Birch pulled open the door, his bloodshot eyes meeting David's then yours. David knew that feeling. Helplessness.

You walked into the home after David. Walking around the corner of the entryway you were met with a sight that tore your heart in two. Nancy Birch sat at the dinner table surrounded by half-eaten Thanksgiving food from the night before, numb. You knew that feeling. Although your little girl didn't go missing. She didn't even have a chance at a decent childhood, let alone a decent life. That was torn away too soon. 

You quietly excused yourself, darting out the door and towards the car, avoiding Loki's concerned gaze. Your hands trembled, you were never able to get rid of the feeling of her body in your arms on that fateful day. You hated the universe, angry at the world for what it had done to you, what it had done to David. You shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed this morning. 

Minutes later, Loki returns to the car with pictures of Joy Birch in hand. "Hey, you okay? You practically ran out of there."

"I just-, I fucking hate cases with kids. I know it's not that case, but that doesn't make it any easier."

It’s not that case. It’s not that case. It’s not that case.

"I know." That's all he could say. He knew. He knew what you were feeling, all too well, the indescribable pain nipping at your heels, slowly making its way up your body and consuming you whole. It was only day two.  

The next stop was Dover's. To say you were dreading it was an understatement. Loki put the car in park and turned to face you, his brows furrowed in concern, regret swimming in his eyes. 

“You ready?” You knew Loki was giving you a way out, he was more than okay with going in alone. 

“Yes, I’m ready.” No, you weren’t. You were going anyway. You had to in order to restore some sort of justice for your little girl.

It’s not that case.

You sat next to Loki, who was next to Grace Dover on the sofa with a blanket sprawling across her lap. You were sure it belonged to Anna judging by the color and the pattern. That poor woman.

“So, did we pass?” It was clear to you from Grace’s voice and the dark circles under her eyes that she hadn’t slept at all. 

You gently nudged Loki, who had been on his phone answering emails, “I’m sorry, what did you say?

Grace croaked, “The poly thing. The lie detector we took this morning, did we pass?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry.” Loki responded before looking back down at his phone and sliding it into his coat pocket, “Yes, we appreciate your cooperation.”

Grace speaks again, “It’s embarrassing, all this-all this fuss. Everyone’s gonna think we’re crazy when those two come out of hiding, wherever they are.”

“Do you have some reason to believe they ran away?” Loki asks. In a perfect world, these girls wouldn’t even be missing, but in an ideal world, they did just run away. The sting in your gut said otherwise.

“No. They’re happy. They must have run away. I think they must have run away. Right?” She wasn’t trying to convince you or Loki, she was trying to convince herself.

Loki tries to show a comforting smile but the words won’t come out, he can only nod. 

Grace changes the subject, trying to smile although the only thing it reached was her mouth, “Um, your police captain told me that you two have solved every case that you’ve ever been assigned. Is that right?” There was never a time Captain O’Malley didn’t brag about the two of you. You just wished he didn’t do it now, not with this case. It gave too much hope to the parents. Too much pressure that you were sure you or Loki would eventually collapse from. Again, neither you nor Loki could find the words. 

Grace begins to get emotional again, hand clutching her mouth, you couldn’t blame her. However, what she spoke next ripped apart your soul that had just begun to get stitched back together by the calloused hands of David, “Do either of you have children, detectives?” You’re back straightened and your mouth fills with the rancid taste of bile. Suddenly you’re nineteen again, in pain and scared, tears streaming down your face, hands raw from scrubbing off the blood that never seemed to go down the drain, bleach stinging your nose. Like so many years ago, David is next to you, except this time he isn’t in a hospital chair with his head in his hands finding out his daughter had been pronounced dead at the age of two. No, this time he was a detective trying to comfort this poor woman about her own daughter. You shoved your trembling hands in your coat pocket, although Loki already took notice. He didn’t even have to look at you to know, you and Loki were connected on a much deeper level. 

It's not that case.

Loki speaking brings you out of your toxic minefield of thoughts, “We’re going to find your daughter, Mrs. Dover.” Pausing, he speaks again, shoving his own emotions down, “We believe that they came back here after they left you at the Birch’s yesterday.”

Keller Dover appears from the hall with bloodshot eyes, “They were looking for Anna’s red whistle.” You shakily stand alongside Loki, your body swaying as he shakes his hand, “Right. I read your statement. I’m Detective Loki, this is Detective Y/L/N. We’re heading up the investigation into your daughter’s investigation. Please, sit down.” 

Keller disregarded Loki, choking out words to the best of his ability, “Uh, uh, m-my son already told you th-that the guy was inside the RV just watchin’ em’, right?” 

You speak up from behind Loki, finally finding your voice, “We haven’t found any physical evidence inside the RV. Or his aunt's house where he lives.”

Keller looks at you as disbelief paints over his features, “Nothing?”

“Alex Jones, unfortunately, has an I.Q. of a ten-year-old. There is no way someone with the I.Q of a ten-year-old could abduct two girls in broad daylight and then somehow make them disappear.” You were able to confirm your suspicions about Alex’s cognitive ability early this morning after a briefing with a forensic psychologist. 

“Uh. well. How can he drive an RV? If he can’t answer a question?” Being honest, it didn’t make much sense to you either, it was a fair question.

Loki speaks up in front of you, “Well, he has a legal Pennsylvania license.”

Keller pushed, “And he ran, right? They said he tried to run away. Why would he do that? Why would he run?”

Loki speaks before you, “We’ve just spent ten hours questioning this boy. Okay? I hear what you're saying.” 

Keller speaks in disbelief again, this was overwhelming, “Uh, did- did you give him a lie detector? You gave us a lie detector. Did you give him one?”

“Sir, I understand what you’re asking me, yes we did. We gave him a lie detector and there's no way of-” Loki cuts short, stifling a laugh and scoffing. Not at Mr. Dover or the case, but at the number of unanswered questions we had, “A lie detector doesn’t work if you don’t understand the questions.”

Mr. Dover’s face changes, angry, “Well, maybe he wasn’t on his own. How could he drive an RV with the IQ of a ten-year-old?”

You speak with a softer tone attempting to de-escalate the situation, “Hey, we’re considering all possibilities.” You were, everything mattered. Everything.

Keller shakes his head, “I don’t think you are considering all possibilities.”

Using a sharper tone, you tell Mr. Dover as he interrupts you, “I-I hear what you're saying. Sir- Sir-”

“You listen to me! Just shut the fuck up for a fucking second!” Keller booms as his wife flinched on the couch beside his standing form. You take a step back as Loki positions himself in front of you, throwing his hands in front of him in a calming gesture, Loki speaking, “This is what I’m gonna need you to do for me. I need you to calm down.” You hated yelling, you despised it. Although you understood Keller and had no animosity for him, he was living in hell and you had no room to judge. You had been there. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please listen to me for a second.” Keller was pleading and he didn’t need to. You would sit with and listen for hours if you could. But you couldn’t, you had to find his daughter. You had to fix this. 

“Mr. Dover, I understand this is an incredibly hard time.” Loki did know that, better than anyone. “But I have every uniformed police officer in this state looking for Anna.”

From behind Loki, you can see Keller’s face break, “I don’t understand what any of this means. They said he ran. They said he tried to get away. I don’t understand why he would try to run away.”

“We’re considering all possibilities, Mr. Dover. I hear what you’re saying. We’re not crossing anybody off our list. Just, let us do our job.” 

Walking out of the Dover’s felt like you were trudging through molasses, you hated this case and it was only day two. You sat in the passenger seat as David put the keys in the ignition, Keller Dover running out of the house made him pause.

“Hey! Detectives!” 

Both you and David mutter “oh shit” under your breath as Loki rolls the window down to speak to Mr. Dover.

Keller approaches, eyes darting between you and Loki wildly, “Hey! He stays in custody until my daughter is found, right? Right?” 

Loki shakes his head, not wanting to upset Keller any more than he was already, “We have a 48-hour hold on him that ends tomorrow unless we bring charges.”

“Well, charge him with something. Charge him.” It wasn’t that easy, you wished it was.

Loki protests, “Mr. Dover, I understand-”

Keller interrupts, “Detective, detectives, two little girls have gotta be worth whatever little rule you have to break to keep that asshole in custody. Now, I know you can’t promise me anything, I understand that, but I’m asking you to be sure. Be 100% sure. Thank you. I appreciate it.” and with that, he walked away back into the house.

Loki sat idle as you turned to him, “We have to at least try. If we- I would have wanted to someone to at least try when-”

Loki snaps at you, stopping you, “No. No, this isn’t that case and you can’t think that. We will do our best, but I can’t have you going down that road.”

“I know it isn’t that case, David. But we can’t pretend that it isn’t similar. Ours was attempted kidnapping, she-” You’re chest stung as you tried to get out the words, lungs on fire and brain pounding. You were too close.

“Y/N, saving these little girls won’t bring ours back.” Loki's voice cracked on emotion. You knew that. God, you knew that. A freak incident, a failed abduction. The smell of antiseptic burning your nose, David’s hand clutched tightly in yours as the doctor left the room after telling you your little girl didn’t make it. A suspect was never found. You had only gone inside for a second. 

Neither you nor David spoke for the entire ride back to the station. There wasn’t anything to say, it all had been said before in the late hours of the night, everytime one of you woke up with a nightmare, whispering words to each other, too afraid to say them too loud, staring at the ceiling. You were living in a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from.

taglist: @lexie-wayland @whew-oh-em-gee @winterlavenderskysworld @buck-this-nasty​ @heeyirenee 

[desperatecheesecubes]

That’s right fellow gremlin creatures, it’s a book update!

Recently Read

Breathe and Countback from Ten: 4 Star First Time Read

Thoughts: I think this tackled a lot of very heavy topics-like way more than I expected it to. A very solid YA title.

How to Date a Superhero (and Not Die Trying): 4 Star First Time Read

Thoughts: this was one of my most anticipated releases of the year and y’all I’m so happy to say it delivered. There was so much love for superhero media in this, with references to common tropes and lore and how we consume and interact with it. A lovely and diverse cast in a fun setting. Do yourself a favor and pick this one up.

The Name She Gave Me: 4 Star First Time Read

Thoughts: Betty Culley out here causing us all emotional damage and riding off into the sunset once again. If you haven’t read her previous novel you absolutely should and then just go ahead and read this right after because you don’t need your heart anyway, right?

My Dress Up Darling 6: 3 Star first time read

Thoughts: we all know Marin is best girl let’s not pretend otherwise here

I’m Glad My Mom Died: 5 star first time read

Thoughts: so I was reading this and The Name She Gave Me at the same time and as someone who is a domestic abuse survivor with a… less than stellar mother let me tell ya that was an emotional whollaping. That being said everything you’ve heard about this book being heart wrenching and worth the read is true. It’s advertised as being funny tho which…. I would disagree with. None of this is funny. It is frank and real and very rough at times. If you were on the fence go pick it up.

ExtraOrdinary: 3 star First Time Read

Thoughts : taking place between Vicious and Vengeful this novella talks about a few more EOs from VE Schwab’s superhero series. The recap of Vicious felt oddly out of place and rushed but it be like that I suppose. Over all, a good addition. I’ll get to Vengeful eventually.

Vampire Knight 1: 3 star reread

Thoughts: so I’ve read this volume a plethora of times but never finished the series. It’s been a minute since the last time I went and tried to finish it so I haven’t seen some of this art in a WHILE. Hino really struggled with proportions didn’t she? Also I always thought that gun was a pistol as a child but that’s DEFINITELY a shirt barrel shotgun lmfao that’s a way more powerful gun than I was thinking. I don’t even know if that was intentional. Anyway Vampire Knight is infamous in my house for being the lead example of my siblings spoiling each other about a show or series and is still the example we all point to when one of us says we’re going to google something about a show we’re watching communally. Shoutout to my sister for saying ‘ok I’m going to read the wikia but I won’t spoil anything for you :) ‘ and then IMMEDIATELY preceding to yell ‘I KNEW IT!’ And spoiling the entirety of the manga I hadn’t read. Real legend, my oldest sister.

Currently Reading:

The Lady’s Guide To Petticoats and Piracy: 66% Reread

Thoughts: lmfao I’ve barely touched this I’m so sorry. I started that infamous Icarly/Victorious YouTube essay series and it’s been a RIDE. A fun but distracting one.

The Chosen: 3% first time read

Thoughts: I don’t know how I missed that this was by the author of Divergent but I am now concerned because I hated her writing in that. But it’s been a good amount of years in between so I’m sure she grew as an author.

Heroine Complex: 14% First Time Read

Thoughts: sometimes a girl just wants more superhero novels, you know? A fun time so far, I’m excited to see how it all develops.

[katsidhe]

Hello as a long time silent lurker with post notifications on, and someone who has been very into the minecraft roleplay for about 9 months, I am oh so incredibly intrigued on your thoughts! I hope you don't mind if I ramble a little. Sam (both minecraft and spn, but in this context the minecraft one) is one of my favourite characters because he's so incredibly complex. The prison story has sparked so much discussion and conflict in this fandom, so I would love to hear your thoughts if you want to share!

oh noooooooooooo don’t enable me. (Jk <3)

I’m putting this under a read more for those of you who don’t want to be inflicted with my minecraft roleplay brain worms. I would apologize but I think we’re well past that.

So, like, full disclosure that I am pretty new to dsmp and am surely missing out on big ol swathes of Essential Character Content, etc etc. But I do know the basics, and I’ve (naturally) watched all the Torture Box Content, because I mean come on, that’s my brand.

k so First of all, THE most essential part of any media: x-coded y girl. Dream is a textbook Cas-coded Sam girl. Sam (Minecraft) is a Cas-coded Dean girl. Quackity is a Dean-coded Sam girl. I’d say Tommy is Dean-Dean. Techno is, hmm, Cas-Cas. Okay, important part done.

Minecraft Sam is very fun! I find it absolutely delightful that he clings to moral high ground while torturing and starving a prisoner. And at least from what I’ve seen, there’s a lot of room for interpretation as to the level of guilt and involvement he actually feels about what’s being done to Dream. He goes back and forth between justifying the treatment as something Dream categorically deserves, and justifying it as a means to an end. Whether that end is the book itself, or whether it’s Quackity’s cooperation/satisfaction, or whether it’s some twisted and bloody sense of justice and duty, seems to vary wildly. On top of that, of course, is the irony that Dream was the one to give him this commission and this job in the first place: in every respect, it’s a duty to Dream (to punish him; to secure him; to uphold his rules) that Sam’s fulfilling. Dream isn’t the only one to suffer from Sam’s inflexibility surrounding the entire concept of Dream: Tommy and Ponk do too.

And yet it’s not the inflexibility that ends up hurting Dream the worst: it’s the gaps in that rigidity. If Sam had kept the prison operating as apparently originally commissioned, it would be inhumane but just about bearable: hardly the level of absurd, over-the-top war crime that it’s reached by now. His choice to begin starving Dream in earnest seems to have been mostly an emotional reaction, after Tommy’s death. (Ironic, too, that Tommy also suffered the result of this choice.) And this is fine, because it’s not active: it’s passive, something that’s happening by inaction. Same with giving Quackity specially made weapons and total carte blanche.

The level of trust that Dream has in Sam’s sense of duty is also fascinating. Even as late as the most recent stream, after the guy’s been permitting him to be tortured for months, Dream appeals to Sam’s need to keep Dream static, in one place as his prisoner, in order to save his life. Incidentally, I do think that convincing Sam to keep Quackity from straight-up murdering him is the only concession Dream was actually hoping to win with that conversation. because like, food and a courtyard visit? after a jail break? Like hell is Sam going to grant that, even before the stunt he and Techno pulled, and Dream knows it. I think that the rest of that conversation was just to deflect, and keep Sam from questioning Dream more sharply about whatever he and Techno have planned. Bringing up Tommy and letting Sam go off on his predictable diatribe about morality and just desserts seemed similarly strategic: Dream knows what Sam thinks about what kind of treatment he deserves. He’s had months to figure it out, and it wasn’t exactly rocket science to begin with.

Anyway, that trust is the same reason Dream appealed (unsuccessfully) to Sam when Quackity first showed up: it devastated him to realize that he’d miscalculated the degree of Sam’s willingness to set aside his duty in this one particular way. Quackity in general represents a HUGE blind spot in Sam’s otherwise completely rigid inflexibility: so huge it’s almost baffling, given what Sam was ready to do to Tommy and Ponk and Ghostbur. But Quackity represents a loophole Sam badly wants. He badly, badly wants some good old-fashioned vengeance, without dressing it up with any pretensions of procedure or justice, but he can’t allow himself to actively act on those impulses—or else he would be Bad, and he can’t have that. He has to believe himself to be Good, and he wants to indulge himself with Dream’s suffering anyway. So he explains that, actually, Dream’s treatment is Dream’s own fault. It’s hilariously deluded.

Which brings me to Quackity, because what makes Quackity fun is that he’s actually NOT hilariously deluded—not about this, at least. Unlike Sam, he’s not laboring under the insane mental acrobatics necessary to convince himself that torture is Good Actually. He knows that what he’s doing is terrible, but he owns it: he’s fine admitting that he enjoys it, that he’s doing this for personal gain and personal vengeance and not for reasons of high-minded civic duty. He’s justifying the torture with brutal simplicity: Dream has hurt him and Dream has something he needs, done and done. He seems to be a firm believer in vengeful and disproportionate retribution, just as with his whole Butcher Army thing. To which I say, neat and fun! I also really really enjoy the power dynamic between him and Dream. Dream is someone who commands respect and fear and power, who could murder Quackity with one hand tied behind his back if they were on equal footing, and who probably barely spared him a thought as a threat. Quackity lives in terror of the thought of Dream escaping and wreaking his vengeance. And Quackity is trying his very best to wrestle that power away from him.

He seems to be pretty unpracticed and ineffective at torture, too—like, yeah, I get this is Minecraft and props are limited, but torturing someone long-term with an ax and a sword is going to be more than a bit unwieldy. and did he even bring in health potions his first day? It’s pretty telling and hilarious that Sam is the one who offers the shears, a far more practical choice of tool. Not to mention that the entire premise of his interrogation gives Dream massive, massive incentive to never give Quackity anything. Quackity straight up admits to Dream that the information he wants is the only reason he’s letting Dream live, which is utterly counterproductive if he wants the book sometime this year. Functionally, he needs to torture Dream not merely into admission, but into suicide. And as the days and weeks and months pass, he’s still got nothing to show for it but growing vindictiveness, paranoia, and frustration. By the time of the latest stream, he’s completely lost the plot—his threats don’t even make sense, his violence is ineffective and unhinged and indiscriminate. He’s lost all leverage and he’s needlessly (re)made a powerful enemy in Technoblade.

So, like, characters like Lucifer are fun because they’re good at torture. Characters like Quackity are fun because they’re bad at torture. But that doesn’t much matter. He doesn’t need to be particularly talented, or strong, or skilled to make Dream’s existence hell: the bare facts of the situation are more than enough for that. What does he learn, over the course of these visits—what skills does he hone, what kinds of violence does he discover that he can stomach? What depths of ruthlessness and creativity and hatred does he discover within himself? What threats does he make that he finds himself following through on before he’s even thought through the implications? It’s a learning curve, for him and Dream both. They’re learning each other, they’re learning the corners of this little hell together. Dream wasn’t expecting him to be capable of this degree of hostility or violence. Quackity is sick of being underestimated.

Which brings me finally to Dream. My general and hastily-gleaned impression of the fandom gives me the distinct impression that there is somehow a school of thought convinced Dream’s earned this treatment? Which baffles me. not only in how its absurd extremity (daily torture in a tiny box for literal months, jesus fucking christ) isn’t something even the most terrible villain could earn, but also in how Dream himself strikes me more as a morally gray fallen/falling antihero type than anything else. I was honestly completely prepared to find him to be a straightforward Bad Guy pre-prison, but that’s not at all my impression. He’s clearly got people and things he cares about and wants to protect, and big picture goals he’ll ruthlessly sacrifice anything to advance (ahem Cas-coded Sam girl). Really, it’s more that roleplays don’t tend to lend themselves easily to those types of narrative classification: nearly every character is a POV character; consuming the content from every perspective is nearly impossible. There aren’t super neat ways to sort antagonists and protagonists in essential terms, only in their relationships to one another. In terms of manipulation, war crimes, power-grabbing, and general destruction, practically everyone on the server is guilty to some degree or another. Dream’s treated Tommy pretty damn terribly, but that hardly makes him unique. What does make Dream unique is that he’s been singled out for near-universally-agreed-upon confinement (which oh so conveniently aligns with him being held as a tool, for information). And that’s neat!

…Look, tldr I just like it when people are in torture boxes. more media should have torture boxes, they are good and fun. 

[yehet-about-it]

BEST FRIENDS AND BANANAS: A SERIES OF AWKWARD EVENTS | Semester I Part 24 - Bathroom Encounters

|| Masterlist || < Prev || Next >

~ An NCT Dream x Wayv College AU Social Media Series ~

Updates @ 7pm GMT/1pm CST Monday, Wednesday & Saturday (3AM+1 KST)

Semester I Synopsis: It’s your junior year at college and it’s been over a year since you were in a relationsip, but luckily you’re not short of men to choose from. Your best friends are 6 rowdy boys (aka the dreamies) and your favourite girl Jiwon, but what happens when a fleeting romance with a handsome senior leads to big changes in your relationships?

Pairings: Jaemin x Reader, Best Friend!Renjun x Reader, Hendery x Reader, Choi San x Reader

Genre: College AU, Fluff, Comedy, Light smut in some parts

Warnings: SMUT! This part is 18+. It's not toooo explicit but it contains sexual content so if you're uncomfortable with it don't read! It's not actually vital to the story but gives a little more context for something mentioned in the next section so it's perfectly okay to just skip this part, you won't miss out on any plot! Swearing, mentions of sex, casual + drunk sex, drinking/alcohol

~ Clara x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Psst. Renjun!”

Your voice was quiet against the noise of the party, but just about audible enough for your best friend to hear as he wove his way through the drunken people scattered about the landing. “Renjun!” you said again. Stopping to look where the voice came from, Renjun turned towards the bathroom door, from which your head was currently peaking out, a surprised look on his face as you peered out at him. Before he had chance to respond, you grabbed his hand, yanking him into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

“Y/n- what are you doing?” Renjun asked, bewildered, as you hopped up to sit on the counter. “I’m hiding!” you whispered somewhat unnecessarily, now being sealed away in the bathroom. Renjun gave you a blank look. “Why?” he asked, as you looked down at him with big doey eyes, a little glassy from the 3 cups of punch you’d consumed earlier in the night. “Lucas and Hendery. They keep being really weird and flirty.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Renjun replied.

“I mean REALLY flirty, I didn’t know what to do!” Renjun chuckled at you and sighed.“Do they need a talking to?” he asked, moving from his position by the door to stand directly in front of you. You looked at him sympathetically. “No offence Renjun, but I don’t think you could take them on... They’re both older and bigger than you. But anyway, no they’re fine, just stay in here with me for a bit, maybe they’ll lose interest.” Renjun scoffed at your implication but let it slide since after all, it was true. He wasn’t exactly large, he was more the small but feisty type.

“I’m not sure they will,” he said teasingly, placing his hands gently on your knees. You deflated a little at his words pouting, and as if to respond Renjun began rubbing comforting little circles on your knees. As nice as it was to be getting attention, Lucas and Hendery’s flirtations were a little much for you, especially since you’d barely spoken to either of them before, and you didn’t really want to have to spend the entire rest of the night hiding out in the bathroom avoiding them. You let out a little groan of frustration. 

“Ughh, whyyy?” you whined. Renjun smiled, a glint in his eye. “Probably because you’re easily the prettiest girl here,” he said, making a hot pink flush creep up your cheeks. Renjun had told you you were pretty plenty of times before, as any best friend should, but in your current position his words felt a lot more intimate than they ought to. “I- I don’t think so,” you stuttered, looking down to where Renjun’s hands connected with your bare knees, your hair hanging down around your face hiding your pink cheeks. “Well I think so, and I imagine half the people at this party do too.” You looked up at Renjun’s admission, locking eyes with his as your heart hammered in your chest. Why was he making you feel like this? Surely his words were just those of a best friend psyching you up, but you couldn’t help the warmth now spreading through your body.

“Y-you do?” You murmured, as your thighs relaxed slightly, slipping open a little ushering Renjun to stand flush against the counter between them. “Mhh,” Renjun hummed in confirmation. As your thighs had parted, Renjun’s hands slipped a little higher onto your thighs gently curving across the top and sides, but applying just a bit of pressure to send a tingling up to your core. As silence took over you became all the more aware of where his hands touched you and your mind was taken back to the weekend two weeks prior and how Renjun had gripped your thighs as he roughly fucked into you. Your breathing became shaky as you felt yourself becoming more aroused, Renjun’s hands burning against your skin, his face now no more than 10 inches from your own.

For all you knew, you could’ve been the only one feeling the intense sexual tension in the room, but right now that was a risk you were willing to take. You didn’t know whether it was the alcohol flowing through your system or you were just going crazy, but the next thing you knew your hands had moved from the counter, and were looping around Renjun’s neck, pulling him down into a hungry kiss. Renjun kissed back almost immediately, his hands moving from your thighs to grip your waist, pulling your body forward to meet his, your arousal only intensifying as his pelvis pressed against your sweet spot. He dominated the kiss, taking every opportunity to nip and tug at your bottom lip, eliciting what he thought were the most delightful groans from you and you whined when he finally pulled away leaving your lips red and swollen.

As you both tried to catch your breath, Renjun’s hands massaged the flesh of your butt through your skirt, your core involuntarily clenching at the sensation. You both seemed a little stunned as you looked at each other but neither of you wanted to stop. In a flash, Renjun attached his lips to your neck, sucking little red marks all over your skin as his fingers dug into your ass. You let out soft breathy moans as his lips assaulted your collar over and over again, your neck being one of your most sensitive spots. Given the amount of attention he was paying to the particular area you wondered had he remembered from last time? Or perhaps he just had a thing about necks; either way it felt incredible.

When his face emerged from the crook of your neck you looked up at him, mouth agape and were met with his dark eyes staring down at you. These were not his usual soft kind eyes. These eyes were filled with lust. They were eyes that wanted to devour you.

“Renjun...” you breathed shakily.That seemed to flip a switch in him because suddenly he was tugging your hips forward and pushing your skirt up, exposing just enough of your panties for him to see how wet you were. A knowing smirk appeared on Renjun’s face. “You’re so wet y/n,” he teased, tracing a finger up the front of your panties, grazing over your sensitive bud. “Do I turn you on?” He leaned in to whisper in your ear, as his fingers pushed the damp material aside to feel just how much of an effect he’d had on you. You whimpered as his fingers teased you. All you could manage was a nod in response, too embarrassed by your obvious arousal over your best friend to say anything. Renjun rewarded you with a trail of kisses along your jaw as his fingers worked their way to your entrance, but just as he was about to enter you he stopped still. “This is okay right?” he asked, looking at you earnestly. The two of you might’ve been charged up on lust, alcohol and adrenaline, but Renjun wasn’t stupid enough not to ask for consent before you did anything you might regret. You paused for a second, the realisation hitting you that you were about to do the unspeakable with your best friend once again, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. You wanted him.

You nodded quickly, desperate for that bit of friction where you most needed it. Renjun smiled, placing a kiss on your nose, before reaching further under your skirt to pull your panties down. You lifted your hips to assist him and as soon as they were off, his hands were on your thighs, pushing them apart to give him better access. Then he brought his hand back to your core, circling your little bud a few more times before pushing into you, your head rolling back as you gasped at the feeling.

The next few minutes were a blur of pleasure as he fucked you with his fingers, moving down as you started to get close to use his tongue on you too.“Oh my god!” you yelped several minutes later as you reached your climax, your juices running down Renjun’s fingers to his palm, your own hands clawing at the edge of the counter for purchase. “Good girl” Renjun cooed pushing you through your orgasm. You breathed heavily, leaning back on your arms as Renjun withdrew his fingers from you, holding your back with his other hand to support you. “Open,” he said, holding his fingers up to your lips. You fulfilled his wishes, parting your lips to taste yourself and clean his fingers of your arousal. He may have just fucked you but this was by far the most erotic thing he’d done yet. You moaned around his fingers, licking the last of your mess off before he removed them, placing his hands back on your hips.

“You liked that?” Renjun whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, his hands moving up and down your waist, soothing you in the aftermath of your orgasm.

“Yes,” you whimpered, feeling a little bashful after having just come for your best friend. Your intimate moment however was shattered as you heard the rattle of the door handle and someone knocking loudly.

“Jesus will you hurry up?! You’ve been in here ages. Other people need to pee too you know!” You heard an irate voice from the other side of the door. Your eyes widened. Perhaps the bathroom at a house party wasn’t the best place to have had this particular exchange. “Oops” Renjun said, smirking as he helped you down from the counter. The door banged again. “ONE SECOND!” You yelled back as you hurried to put your panties back on and Renjun set about washing his hands.

A few seconds later you emerged from the bathroom, Renjun in tow, only to see Jisung standing right out side. “Oh. Sorry Jisung.” you said, praying that he hadn’t overheard your encounter. Luckily though, the noise of the party seemed to have drowned out any of the sounds you’d made. “Jesus what were you two doing in there? I’ve been waiting for ages” Jisung grumbled, giving you a curious look. “Just hiding!” you chirped not wanting to seem suspicious. “Right well next time hide somewhere other than the bathroom. I’ll see you in a minute, I really have to pee,” he said, pushing past you and slamming the door. You looked at Renjun and immediately saw the relieved expression on his face making you burst into laughter. “Come on dork, let’s go find Jeno.”

Taglist: @patchi-chi @classic-antifood @stopitvpls @arimeetsevil @strayteezjinnie @colpen @yuuuumiiin @aka-minhyuk-kun @mxrcayong

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